#she says you're blaming her. she doesn't understand that arguments are ''two sides and the truth''. it's that 1 person is right and 1 isn't

[inkskinned]

i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

[shushmal]

Robin has a love-hate relationship with Steve-and-Eddie. Love, because those are her best friends and her best friends are in love with each other and they never leave her out of anything. Hate, because sometimes she wishes they would because she keeps accidentally third-wheeling herself.

She doesn't hate it that much though, if she's honest. It's just fun to complain, especially because it riles the both of them up.

But right now, she's being quiet so she can witness one of her secretly-favorite Steve-and-Eddie rituals—of which there are many, but this one is silly and endearing.

It starts like this:

The waitress sets down their drinks, lemonade for Robin, coca-cola for Steve, and a cherry soda for Eddie.

"Don't you dare," Eddie says, even as Steve reaches for Eddie's drink, slipping his straw in next to Eddie's and slurping obnoxiously. Eddie doesn't even pretend to stop him anymore. "Unbelievable."

"I just want to taste it!"

"You could just get a whole glass of it! All for yourself!!"

"It's too sweet, I don't want a whole glass."

"What, so you think you can just help yourself to mine?"

Steve's grin is far too smug, even for Robin, even when Steve slides it to her so she can take a sip. Steve is right, it is really too sweet and she wrinkles her nose, but it's worth it for the offended gasp Eddie makes when she slides it back to him.

The diner is their favorite, because everyone who works there has given up on understanding their weird dynamic: Robin and Steve squished into on side of the booth while Eddie's spread out on the other, Robin making gagging noises whenever Steve brushes against her, even though they never sit in any other configuration. The staff has long since stopped asking which of them was her boyfriend, and that's perfect for her.

Besides, she knows that under the table, Steve and Eddie have their ankles locked together like the disgusting love-sick dorks that they are.

The Steve-and-Eddie show continues when their meals come out. Chicken fingers and fries for Steve because he's an actual child, and breakfast for dinner for Eddie because he likes to be contrary. And then the real performance begins.

They "fight" over the ketchup bottle, which really means that Eddie picks it up and Steve snatches it out of his hands—only for Steve to spread it over Eddie's scrambled eggs (gross) for him before he adds a disgusting amount to his own basket.

Eddie makes a game of stealing Steve's fries when he thinks he isn't looking (Steve is, he's tallying each one up in his head, Robin knows this because she's doing it too), and when he finally "catches" Eddie in the act, he steals Eddie's last piece of bacon—the one that's sat untouched for the last five minutes for this very reason.

Then, Eddie's "forcing" Steve to try his grits, like he does every time, and game eats a spoonful of it, every time, and then complains at length how much he hates it (and he actually does hate it, the texture is just not for him, Robin knows because it's the same for her too).

And then they do the worst, most disgusting thing ever: they split the pancake in half. Without fail. Without argument. Every time.

Robin, slurping on her strawberry milk shake that she will NEVER share with anyone ever, thinks that stupid pancake is like the symbol of their love or something. Sh's sure if they weren't in public, they'd be feeding it to each other.

"What?" They say it in unison, and Robin hates when they do that to her.

(Eddie complains about it right back at her, because she and Steve do the same thing to him all the time. They should blame Steve, since he's the common denominator, but he just looks so pleased about them both that they can't rag on him for it, so Eddie remains Robin's sworn enemy and vice versa.)

"What what?" she sneers at them, voice quiet. "You two are disgusting, it's like you're making out right in front of me right now."

"What are you, homophobic?" Eddie hisses back, just as quiet. "I'm in love with your best friend, Buckley. I'm making out with him in front of you for the rest of your life."

"Ugh! I hate you so much."

"Right back at you."

And then they start kicking at each other beneath the table, no doubt catching Steve's ankles in the crossfire. He doesn't tell them to stop though, and Robin can see that pleased, sappy smile on his stupid face out of the corner of her eye, so she lands an exceptionally harsh blow to Eddie's shin in retaliation for making her best friend so happy. He digs his heel into her toes in return.

[cultivating-wildflowers]

hi there !! i was over here because you had reblogged a really pretty photograph a while ago and i wanted to see what other lovely posts you might've found in the corners of tumblr.

i looked at your account and noticed, oh, pro-life! i was a bit wary at first because many people i've seen as pro-life are misogynistic sexist idiots who say it's a woman's fault if she's raped, even if the 'woman' in question is a fourteen year old girl. i hope you forgive my initial scepticism.

however, i read your post on the pro-life argument with the way you see it (it may have been a reblog of someone else? i can't quite remember) and i have some questions. i myself am pro-abortion, but with certain restrictions (mainly the current law in many places of you can't abort the child a month before birth because it's a human, and that aborting a child for its disabilities isn't ethical in the slightest).

what about when a twelve year old child is raped? is she meant to carry the strain of a child, scorn from parents, lack of support, blame, maybe have permanent harm or disabilities from childbirth? i have an old friend who got her menstrual cycle at eight years old. if she were raped, would she need to carry the child? in my worldview, no. a child gets raped and then the next day the "morning after" pill is administered so an elementary schooler (or middle, or even high schooler) does not have to suffer.

another question: sometimes, conception happens hours or even days after the actual ejaculation. would a "morning after" pill be outlawed? because there's no way to be sure if conception has actually happened, and if it hasn't, then taking a pill or some other action to prevent conception from happening in the first place isn't "bad".

and what about women whose children died in the womb? would anti-abortion laws still apply, would she charged with murder?

what about women who due to an illness or some other reason cannot have a child because they will die in the process, killing them and the child? would the pro-life worldview condemn both lives, or would they allow this person to take a pill and cut off the few cells that could not in any world be called a human?

if some vile person killed a woman who had conceived two days prior, would they be charged with double murder for that which is not yet a blastocyst (the zygote phase is four to five days after conception).

i'm very sorry if these questions seem accusatory or rude-- i'm genuinely trying to understand the other side, because i don't feel like i can actually justify abortion if i don't know how the "other" side would approach ethical questions. i put "other" in quotation marks because while we have two very much opposing sets of ideas on how abortion should be approached, above all we care for the welfare of people and want the best for everyone.

so sorry for putting this big chunk of text in your askbox, and feel free to ignore it, but you're one of the first genuinely nice people i've seen that is pro life who isn't trying to justify arguments with religion (because separation of church and state means no religion as sole justification for law, which is what many people i've seen try to do)

thank you!!

Hello! Thank you so much for your detailed questions! I'm happy to answer as best I can. I had thought this might take a while to answer, because I had to find a few resources I knew I had linked somewhere that helped me as I was sorting through the logistics of my own convictions surrounding being pro-life. Turns out this was how I'd spend my evening, lol.

I still have gaps and I'm always happy for civil discussion. (As you know, a lot of my thoughts are under my pro-life tag. Apologies in advance that several of my links just shoot back to posts I've reblogged, but they're more comprehensive than a single webpage. I can also direct you to a couple of tumblr folks I follow who have even more resources and cover different facets of the issue than I usually reblog or that I'm still investigating.)

As you might have guessed, this got long, so I'm tucking it under a read-more. But before I do, here is my most important resource: What actually happens during an abortion. I rarely say anything is so important that everyone needs to see it. This is one of those times.

i was over here because you had reblogged a really pretty photograph a while ago and i wanted to see what other lovely posts you might've found in the corners of tumblr.

The funny thing is that used to be 90% of my blog until like two years ago, and now here we are 😅 (I lost a lot of followers when I started actually using this like a blog. I also found a lot of great friends.)

i looked at your account and noticed, oh, pro-life! i was a bit wary at first because many people i've seen as pro-life are misogynistic sexist idiots who say it's a woman's fault if she's raped, even if the 'woman' in question is a fourteen year old girl. i hope you forgive my initial scepticism.

Yeah, can't say I'd care to associate with those people, either, and I'd love to challenge them on their own convictions (only, 1. I'm not really one for heated debates and 2. I'm pretty sure I, a single 20-something woman, would be immediately ignored, so why waste my time).

however, i read your post on the pro-life argument with the way you see it (it may have been a reblog of someone else? i can't quite remember) and i have some questions. i myself am pro-abortion, but with certain restrictions (mainly the current law in many places of you can't abort the child a month before birth because it's a human, and that aborting a child for its disabilities isn't ethical in the slightest).

While I was born and raised in a pro-life family, being pro-life as an adult is a conviction I claim and have searched out for myself. I know, and science affirms, that life begins at conception. (Yes, all of those frozen embryos stored at ivf clinics are unique and full human beings. I'll be so honest with you and say even I have to grapple with that and no, I haven't begun to grasp the implications.) Every single human being is deserving of dignity, from womb to tomb. It is never permissible to murder a human being for being inconvenient. (Canadian and British government healthcare systems, I'm looking at you. Also, Iceland, I see your claim that you've eradicated Down syndrome and I know you're a bunch of lying cowards.) It is never permissible to murder someone because they have the potential to be inconvenient. I could be hit by a car tomorrow and end up with brain damage. I could lose my job and plunge into horrible poverty. I could meet some random guy and end up in an abusive relationship. If it's not ok to kill me because of less-than-ideal circumstances, it is not ok to kill a child because they might be born disabled, or into a poor family, or into an abusive situation. We need to fix their circumstances, not kill them.

(Before I get much further, this post is a collection of a lot of my favorite resources on the impact abortion has on women. More facts and figures here. Unfortunately I cannot find the link to the study, but I have seen it cited often on here that a large majority of women who considered abortion but did not go through with it, within five years, are glad they didn't get an abortion. I believe the number is between 90 and 95% but again, can't find the link.)

For the last eight years, I've worked at an organization that provides care for individuals with disabilities, many of whom have the sort of disabilities that would make doctors suggest abortion. Not one of those human beings would be better off dead. The world is richer for them being in it, and I'm happy to know them. They deserve support and dignity, not death.

There is no magical point at which a preborn baby becomes human or becomes a person. They are human from the moment of conception. I have a friend who was born nearly two months prematurely; did she have to wait a month post-birth to be considered human?

There are also no non-person humans. Personhood is not merit-based. Again, if I end up with brain damage and have to rely on other people for the rest of my life, do I cease to be a person?

what about when a twelve year old child is raped? is she meant to carry the strain of a child, scorn from parents, lack of support, blame, maybe have permanent harm or disabilities from childbirth? i have an old friend who got her menstrual cycle at eight years old. if she were raped, would she need to carry the child? in my worldview, no. a child gets raped and then the next day the "morning after" pill is administered so an elementary schooler (or middle, or even high schooler) does not have to suffer.

It is a fact that abortion protects abusers. It is a fact that rapists and sex traffickers force women to have abortions to keep them in those horrible situations. Abortion is anti-woman, because it helps horrible men dodge all responsibility, and it prevents society at large from having to address the actual causes that often drive women to abortion.

Rape accounts for about 1% of all abortions. I'm not saying that makes it ok and I'm not trying to dismiss it, I'm just observing that it's nearly always treated as the main driver behind abortion when it is not. What it is is one of the most horrific things that can ever happen to a person, and the offender needs to be dealt with, with extreme prejudice. Killing a child helps no one. The mother deserves protection, she deserves support, and she deserves medical care. I don't know all the ins and outs of how best to handle this situation, but I believe the best case scenario is eventually a c-section. (A book I really appreciated that covered a situation like this is I Am the Exception by Anna Richey [video linked]). There are countless testimonies of women who were in this situation who chose to save their children and they are glad they did. They know the answer was not to kill children. There are countless testimonies of people who were conceived in rape who are glad their mothers chose to give them a chance at life. They know their lives have value and are worth living. Mother and child are both victims who deserve justice, not trauma heaped upon trauma.

(There's a whole discussion to be had here around child marriage and sexual abuse but unfortunately I don't have the material to even touch it. I can say making pedophilia a protected "identity" is so far off the mark that the radar can't even pick it up.)

(I will briefly sidebar to wave at the legislation being put into place to teach human development in schools via the Baby Olivia...project? [I forget what the whole initiative is called which is horrible because I've seen it around a lot lately.] I think that's actually pretty awesome. Kid-me would have been fascinated [and a bit grossed out because yeah, I was an awkward kid].)

another question: sometimes, conception happens hours or even days after the actual ejaculation. would a "morning after" pill be outlawed? because there's no way to be sure if conception has actually happened, and if it hasn't, then taking a pill or some other action to prevent conception from happening in the first place isn't "bad".

I have to disagree there. It's still bad. Especially because, in the overwhelming majority of cases, we're talking about sex between two consenting adults who are looking to disrupt a natural process and divorce it from all natural responsibility for the sake of convenience. If you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex. If you don't want to have a kid with that person, don't have sex with them. Simple as. Biological children are not a human right, and neither is sex.

(If you poke around at enough of my blog you'll notice I'm straight-up against birth control. For one thing, it is extremely harmful to women; for another, it is a band-aid that has completely stalled the improvement of women's healthcare; for another, it is seriously damaging the average Western woman's understanding of her own body and biology; and there's the whole disrupting-a-natural-process bit. But I digress.)

and what about women whose children died in the womb? would anti-abortion laws still apply, would she charged with murder?

Reading any of the laws in question shows that ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages aren't at all included in those laws. Those are not abortion because the pregnancy is nonviable and it has become a medical situation. Abortion wouldn't even help those situations; if anything, it would only make everything worse, and risk the life of the mother. Abortion is not medical care. Ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages have to be treated medically. All of the cases I've seen where "a woman was charged with murder for miscarriage" end up being something else like "woman miscarried and tried flushing her baby down the toilet" (yeah that was an actual thing in the last month and she was charged with improper treatment of human remains which... = human dignity.)

what about women who due to an illness or some other reason cannot have a child because they will die in the process, killing them and the child? would the pro-life worldview condemn both lives, or would they allow this person to take a pill and cut off the few cells that could not in any world be called a human?

Abortion is not healthcare. If a woman is already at risk of complications, abortion will only make those complications worse. They will not help her. There is not a single situation where pregnancy is so dangerous that the only answer is abortion.

Those "few cells" are human. I'm also a clump of cells; I'm human. If I'm drowning (unlikely because I avoid swimming because I suck at it), is it ok for the lifeguard to hold my head underwater instead of making me calm down so they can tow me to shore?

Any reasonable human being who recognizes that the woman in question is carrying another human being, her child, would recognize that what they both need is medical care. The mother can be monitored, her condition treated as best as possible, and there's always the option to deliver early. Modern medicine allows us to support babies who are almost as early as 20 weeks premature! The answer is to take care of these people, not kill one because the other is in danger.

And in case anyone is wondering, this goes for babies who are "incompatible with life". 1. Doctors make mistakes and it's proven they often make mistakes where fetal development is concerned. (My sister got the scare of her life when a stupid tech told her that her third baby had "spots on her brain". I told my coworker, who said the same thing happened to her 15 years ago and one doctor bandied about the word "abortion" in front of her. Friends, the baby's brain was still developing. My sister's child is fine, and stupidly adorable to boot. Please.) 2. Even if that baby is "incompatible with life", the answer is not to kill them more quickly (and far, far, far more painfully). The answer is to treat them as best as medically possible, support their parents, and afford them the dignity deserving to every human being. Palliative care is a thing. For heaven's sake, let's use it more.

(My mother used to be a volunteer photographer for an organization where she went to hospitals and took pictures of babies who either had just passed or who didn't have long to live, to give their parents something to remember their children by. I also have so so many relatives and friends who have suffered miscarriages and stillbirths. I don't know that grief firsthand, but I know what it looks like, and I know that parents and siblings need support, not murder.)

(We also really need to stop treating all pregnancies like medical situations or a disease. They aren't. Pregnancy is natural. It is only when there are complications that it becomes a medical issue. I love modern medicine by and large. I love that it can help improve our lives. But sometimes doctors need to butt out and let women do what they were built to do.)

if some vile person killed a woman who had conceived two days prior, would they be charged with double murder for that which is not yet a blastocyst (the zygote phase is four to five days after conception).

I don't know all of the legalities of double homicides in the case of pregnancy. I'm fairly certain that if it is known that the woman is pregnant, regardless of whether or not that motivated the murder, then the charge is double homicide. I would assume if the pregnancy was unknown, it doesn't apply? (I watch too many murder mystery and police procedural shows to have any faith in how these things are determined.) Morally, two people have been killed regardless, but I have no idea on the legalities.

Also, note that zygote and blastocyst are stages of human development, same as embryo, fetus, newborn, infant, toddler, adolescent, and adult.

i'm very sorry if these questions seem accusatory or rude-- i'm genuinely trying to understand the other side, because i don't feel like i can actually justify abortion if i don't know how the "other" side would approach ethical questions. i put "other" in quotation marks because while we have two very much opposing sets of ideas on how abortion should be approached, above all we care for the welfare of people and want the best for everyone. so sorry for putting this big chunk of text in your askbox, and feel free to ignore it, but you're one of the first genuinely nice people i've seen that is pro life who isn't trying to justify arguments with religion (because separation of church and state means no religion as sole justification for law, which is what many people i've seen try to do)

I don't think any of this comes off as rude or argumentative in any way! You laid out every point very clearly and it's nice to be able to discuss it as clearly as I am able (which, admittedly, is sometimes as clear as milk) instead of feeling like I have to defend myself (usually in that case I just give up and delete the ask). Again, I'm happy to look into any of this further and to provide better resources if there's something lacking in any of my points. I'm by no means perfect, and my arguments, while driven by a deep-felt and sincere conviction, are not as thorough as perhaps they should be. That's on me to work on, but I'm happy to do my best in the meantime.

Part of my convictions are grounded in my belief in God, but as you are aware, they can't be my whole foundation, and if the person on the other side of the conversation doesn't share that belief, we need another point of common ground for our discussion. (Secular Prolife is an excellent resource if you want more in-depth, non-religious discussions of this topic. I know there are others, but I don't have the list in front of me.)

And it is important to explore all sides of the issue! It's kind of hard to argue coherently otherwise. I see this discussion all the time from people "on the other side" or on the fence, both people I know and total strangers. I'm familiar with a lot of their arguments, both the ones they consider good-faith and the ones that are obviously driven by vitriol. Listening to them only helps bring clarity to my own knowledge and convictions.

I know so many people who are "for abortion with exceptions" are sincerely motivated by concern for other people. The onus is on them to figure out why, for them, that means killing some people for the sake of others. It's not enough to say "Well, I've never been in that situation, so I don't have room to speak". Abortion is a human right's issue. We all have a place at the discussion. Because at the end of the day, it comes down to one thing:

Abortion is the intentional killing of a child, a human being. It doesn't matter the reason behind that killing, whether it's a question of health, social circumstance, situation in life, or fear. It is murder.

And it is never ok.

For further reading (the majority of these are actual links, not links to tumblr posts):

This post and the notes are my-go to for the breakdown of the key abortion arguments.

Choice42

Carrying To Term

New Wave Feminists

The Human Defense Initiative

Birthright International

Abortion73

Rehumanize International

And again, if you are looking for more nice and rational people who are willing to discuss things like adults, I can give you a list!

[pessimisticpigeonsworld]

https://www.tumblr.com/rise-my-angel/740720343328686080/the-new-hotd-trailer-has-reminded-me-how-badly?source=share.

1. Jaehaera was not raped...

2. Rhaenyra was having a breakdown on Dragonstone after learning about Luke's death when she received Daemon's letter stating that he would avenge Luke (the letter doesn't even explain how he would avenge Luke). How is that her fault?

3. Aegon is also a rapist in the books, it's not an invention by the writers.

"Who are you?" [Helaena] demanded of the two. "Debt collectors," said Cheese. "An eye for an eye, a son for a son. We only want the one, t' square things. Won't hurt the rest o' you fine folks, not one lil' hair. Which one to you want t' lose Your Grace?" Cheese warned the queen to make a choice soon, before Blood grew bored and raped her little girl. Strange to say, the ratcatcher and the butcher were true to their word. They did no further harm to Queen Helaena and her surviving children. (Fire and Blood: The Dying of the Dragons - A Son for a Son)

You're right anon, Jaehaera was never raped, it was only threatened to hurry Helaena along. I don't understand why TG stans want to add to this event so badly, it's already horrific. It's actions like that which show how GRRM is once again choosing to have morally gray protagonists. TB is in the right about the Dance and who they're supporting, but that doesn't mean their heroes or even morally good in their actions.

It's interesting how op decided to complain that Aegon might be portrayed as incompetent. Aegon was incompetent in the book, so incompetent he was murdered by his own supporters. He's remembered as being one of the most useless kings of Westeros. Saying they're going to dumb him down to make Rhaenyra look better shows how op has never read the book, or even Aegon's wiki lmao.

Further proving my point is the stupidly blind argument of how Aegon "isn't a rapist in the book". The delusion of the TG stans is neverending.

I think the most incredible take in this post is how apparently, in the eyes of op, Criston isn't an incel in season one?? Did we watch the same show? Criston makes the immediate turn to hating Rhaenyra and literally killing people associated with her family after she rejects him. He makes hating her his entire personality for the whole ass show once she refuses to run away with him. He thinks he's entitled to Rhaenyra's entire life and body just because she slept with him once. He's the definition of an incel, go cry about it greenies.

B&C was done without Rhaenyra's knowledge or approval, as you said. Daemon acted on his own (he is a true gray character). She was separated from Daemon when he made his choice, so she had even less control over what he did. Added to that is how Rhaenyra was busy with other fronts of the war and negotiating, how can she be expected to micromanage her husband?

Now, while the original post was written I think before Condal started teasing the whole "people will want to switch sides", the reblog definitely wasn't. Condal has revealed that he plans to make the audience sympathize with the greens more this season. Which is why it makes no sense why the poster who reblogged believes they will make the greens appear worse. They're already making excuses for Aegon raping serving girls, trying to make Alicent be completely innocent of her team's actions, and making Aemond "accidentally" kill Luke.

The show is already so obviously TG, they even aged up Rhaenyra and aged down Alicent to control who the audience sympathizes with. TG stans are just bitter that even the intense white washing can't cover up how in the wrong TG is.

Alicent is totally at least partially to blame for B&C. In the book, she was the head of the green faction and constantly plotted to usurp Rhaenyra, thus causing the war. In both the show and the book, Alicent raised her children to view their nephews as subhuman. She instilled the hatred of them into Aemond long before the Driftmark incident. She's the one who constantly affirmed to them that Aegon is the rightful heir and Rhaenyra is a murderous whore. Alicent bears the blame for what happened to her family just as much as Aegon, Otto, and Aemond.

[utilitycaster]

I agree what the cast says does not hold as much weight as what happens on stream. I think this is why I get frustrated by the 'Orym is to blame for Laudna killing Bor'dor' debates, using things Liam and/or Marisha have said on 4-sided dive that contradict the actual scene, where Marisha states Laudna barely notices Orym and Ashton, and *nothing* will stop her from doing what she wants to do. At worst, it's inaction. Have interviews and things like that always held so much weight in fandom?

I am absolutely the wrong person to ask here; I was not super in fandom when I was younger. I am going to, as I am wont to do, make some educated guesses but please take with a grain of salt.

I think there's a few things going on. A lot of people have told me that Glee was the first fandom they personally recall where it became about winning more than like, having fun and sharing ideas, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is at least an influence. (The idea that two ships that do not conflict and indeed have incompatible sexualities are in some kind of deathly serious competition is truly so baffling to me that I have to chalk up that particular bit of, if I may use a yiddishism here, mishegos, to Glee for sure.)

I also think that there was a time and there are shows where interviews did (or do) carry more weight, namely, those with executive meddling, or loss of creative control, or, notably, queer ships until quite recently. I have a lot of friends in the Star Trek fandom even though I'm not knowledgeable at all and from what I am given to understand, there's been a few ships squashed or delayed by executive whim or homophobia that the actors would pretty openly and consistently confirm at conventions. (The ones I know are Riker and Troi; and Garak and Bashir; but I have only hazy recollections of TNG and know NOTHING of DS9 so this is second-hand). I've talked about this before, but Word of God used to carry more weight for me when you simply couldn't have same gender romances on network TV or most mainstream film without risking your career. Now? You're a coward and a panderer.

Anyway I think with actual play specifically, which is improvised (ie, intent can shift dramatically and unexpectedly) and which has a lot of talkback shows and also a disproportionately huge amount of content people get in the habit of cherrypicking, and in extreme cases this turns into cherrypicking themselves straight out of the actual narrative and into microexpressions and OOC interviews and side conversations from three years ago.

I also, and I am too tired and too many drinks in (two drinks in, to be clear) to articulate this tonight, find that actual play in particular has amassed a certain fandom that I think was attracted to things I like and support (queer characters, women/queer people/POC creating and driving their own characters, independent creator-owned productions, improvised and therefore at times really unique stories, not needing to have streaming services in some cases) but also doesn't actually like Actual Play as a medium (see: every single D20 fandom meltdown low-key boils down to "I have zero genre awareness of both whatever is going on narratively and also I high-key loathe D&D as a means of storytelling and particularly the existence of violence in narrative, yet I am watching the Violent Narrative D&D show, so dance or me, my puppets, wait why aren't you dancing.") So I think you get a lot of people who are just making dumb fucking arguments because they decide what they believe and then poorly reverse engineer the support instead of doing things in the proper order and I think the people claiming Orym is responsible for Bor'Dor's death are in that category and we should stop treating them as people who are adding anything of worth to the conversation.

[ikamigami]

Oh I want to yell at Nexus so badly, him talking about how his family didn't love him when they all did, "Sun was grieving the brother he killed" and yet Sun loved Nexus more than Moon and admitted that more than once, "Lunar was just missing the old me" Lunar never indicated he missed Moon more and it's only when Nexus went off the deep end that he got angry, "Earth was only being nice to fulfill a purpose because dad didn't love her" she wanted to help everyone because she's a kind person and she loved Nexus more than anything hence why the two were so vulnerable with one another, I am glad Solar had the reasonable response to that nonsense but I am anticipating certain people twisting this the wrong way, especially with Nexus's whole "you're the only one I cared about Solar", since that's an argument a lot of people make to justify Nexus, how Solar didn't compare Nexus to Moon

Ha ha ha ha ha 🤣

I only want to laugh at Nexus' attempts at lying to himself that he never cared about anyone beside Solar..

He cared..

But also I really don't believe him.. cause why he didn't say that he will kill Sun? 🤨

I get it most of you probably don't see it like that.. and that's fine..

I don't mind being in the tiny itty bitty group of people who are sure that Nexus still cares about Sun.. (I said group of people cause hey! I think that I'm not the only one who thinks that, right?)

Also I'm proud of Solar and I'm glad that I was hoping that he'll react the way he did.. cause I'm serious that I'd lost every bit of respect towards him if he sided with Nexus.. 😬

Also wow Sun can sense star energy now? Or maybe.. just maybe he can sense Nexus cause he's also his Moon? :)

But I agree with you, dear anon and I'm afraid that you're right that certain fans will twist this situation into something else.. 😮‍💨

And also well.. no one is really comparing Nexus to Moon that much.. I remember Monty doing it..

And well Sun didn't mean to compare them and in fact he wasn't comparing them but I'm not surprised why Nexus felt like he was..

But the truth is.. we can't blame Sun for this.. because it's not his fault that he was grieving and that couldn't explain himself when no one allowed him and that no one helped him with trauma caused by Moon back then..

I think that in situations like that.. it just happened.. it wasn't Sun's fault.. and it wasn't Nexus' fault that he had existential crisis because it's understandable considering circumstances..

Things just happen sometimes..

Nothing justify Nexus' actions though.. because like I said.. he wasn't even lashing out..

And even if he might have been more cold and uncaring because of psychotic episode or something like that.. it doesn't justify him almost killing Earth..

Also cause I almost forgot.. it's obvious that it hurt him that Sun locked him in the cell.. but Nexus doesn't know full story.. cause Sun never planned on leaving him there alone.. and he'd definitely visit him again if it wasn't for Puppet, Foxy and Monty.. and I'm sure that if Sun knew better way to stop Nexus from trying to do something bad he'd do that..

Because I get it that locking Nexus wasn't the best idea.. and that it made Nexus' mental state worse.. but I swear that Sun wouldn't do that if he had better idea.. or if anyone else would help him..

I understand Nexus' feelings.. but it doesn't justify his actions..

And I can't wait for the day when he'll realize that he screwed up big time.. but not in a way that "oh I know that I did bad" but that he'll regret it and finally start getting some help.. and also atone for what he's done..

But the thing is that we don't know what VAs planned for Nexus.. but we shall see I guess..

[tangent101]

Nice Excuse, Still Murder

So. Recently I came across a David Apologist post and while I was tempted to post on there... honestly? I didn't feel like the argument. However, I still felt the need to comment and... well, honestly, for all that David is less disliked these days due to his presence in LiS2, he is still a horrible character and a wretched stepfather.

The general gist of the post in question was that it's clear that David loves Chloe because he is in tears after murdering Mark Jefferson (while Jefferson was bound and unconscious). However, like a number of elements in LiS, this does not negate the horrible things that David did during the game.

Essentially, David Madsen was as much of a control freak as Mark Jefferson and he used his own power over the student body of Blackwell Academy to terrorize students. For instance, he harasses Max Caulfield for being tardy in leaving the girls' bathroom. Now let's assume for a moment that there was a legitimate fire alarm - a test or a fire or something. And Max Caulfield was on the toilet mid-usage. Now, guys at a urinal might be able to whip it back in their pants without much issue, but girls have a few more steps involved. If any student had been, for instance, taking a dump? Then you still try to wipe clean quickly. That can take a minute.

Max was out of the bathroom likely within a minute of the alarm going off. I mean, let's look at the literal script of the scene:

David: Hey, do you hear that fire alarm? That means you should be outside. Max: I had to use the bathroom... David: Girls always use that excuse. Max: Excuse for what? David: For whatever you're up to. Your face is covered in guilt.

You have a student saying "I had to use the bathroom" who had just left said bathroom within a minute of the alarm going off. It is logical that she was doing just as she said: using the bathroom. Why does he go off on her? Because he is bullying her. And yes, he was bullying her as we see in the next scene with David:

David: ...so don't think I'm blind! I see everything here at Blackwell! Do you understand what I'm saying? Kate: No, and leave me alone! (and if Max doesn't intervene) David: ...you can't fool me. I know everything about this school. I cover the waterfront. So you better figure out what side you're on... Kate: Please, leave me alone!

With intervention you get this:

Max: Hey, why don't you leave her alone? David: Excuse us, this is official campus business— Max: Excuse me, you shouldn't be yelling at students. Or bullying them. David: Hey, hey, nobody is bullying anybody. I'm doing my job. Max: No, you're not. David: You're part of the problem, missy. I will remember this conversation.

Max out-and-out states he's bullying Kate and she would know. She was being bullied by him just a little bit earlier.

This is how he acts within the first two instances of his being in the game. Our third encounter, if you manage to get Max to hide in the closet then we get to see him out-and-out smack Chloe for the crime of instigating him. And what does he say when he hits her?

David: Chloe, I'm sorry. I care about your mother and… You just keep pushing me

And if Max was not hiding in the closet and refused to take the blame for Chloe's pot?

Max: No way. It's not mine. David: Of course not. I'm sure Chloe gets all the best shit, right? I bet she gave you "good friend" rates... Chloe: Why don't you get off my crack? Stop taking your war rage out on high school girls. David: You haven't seen rage, you little— Chloe: Fuck you, pig. David slaps Chloe. David: I... Listen, you asked for that. You know exactly what you're doing.

Not only does he refuse to believe Max that she's not selling pot to Chloe, he says she asked for it. She said "fuck you, pig" and was smacked. Oh, this girl shorter than him and who, if wearing a soaking wet winter coat would still be fifty pounds lighter than him, was scary and threatening him by calling him out for "taking your war rage out on high school girls."

What's more, Joyce is more than ready to trot out little lines to make it seem like Chloe's to blame, whether or not Max lets David smack Chloe around:

Joyce: But Chloe does push David and it's not fair. He paid his dues in a war. He does care about her, along with all the students at Blackwell.

Nathan cried on the phone calling Max and begging for forgiveness (rather than, oh, I don't know, calling the cops and saying "Mark Jefferson is trying to murder me"?) and guys gush about this poor baby who should be forgiven for all his crimes because he's ill. David smacks Chloe and it's Chloe's fault... and David cries when he learns the girl he was abusing is beyond his control. So all is forgiven.

(Honestly, and I've said this more than once, I cannot see Chloe forgiving David after three years. I'm not sure if she'd forgive him after six years, and may very well want to piss on his grave if he died thirty years after the Storm. The man made her life a living hell for nearly five years after William's death (and don't forget, he started flirting with Joyce (to the point he kept the receipt from his first meal at Two Whales Diner when he was waited on by Joyce and used that date for a password combination) within two months of William's death - and sure, that's on Joyce more than David but he still rushed into a marriage with her before Chloe turned 16 and that is on him). He was abusive and horrible and I'm fairly certain that Chloe went on a downward spiral in school and in life partly because he was harassing her and she had no safe place to stay away from him.)

So... no. He's no hero. The only reason the girls turn to him for help is because Max didn't know who else she could trust - because David might have been an abusive asshole, but he was not in the Prescott pocket and he was trying to figure out what Jefferson and Nathan were up to. Better the enemy you know than the enemies you don't know.

The irony is that there are people who continue to hate on Chloe Price and consider her irredeemable because "she's a bitch" and "she's manipulative." The girl who the day after Kate Marsh was drugged was also drugged and came to in Nathan's dorm room, an incident by which Max finds photographic evidence collaborating, the girl who was dosed by a date-rape drug and has no knowledge if she was raped or not, but was fucked up by that drug, is an irredeemable monster, but the man we can witness abusing her is innocent of malice because Chloe was mean to him.

Nice excuse. Still abuse. Hell it was assault and battery against an adult. Max was a witness, if she didn't Rewind, they could have gotten David thrown in jail. And given that Joyce is quick to toss out defenses to David's actions, it's most likely not the first time even if the cops ignored priors due to Joyce's being their favorite waitress.

[beevean]

Exhibit #i lost count of why randomly changing a perfectly functional plot ruins everything: N!Isaac squarely putting the blame on N!Hector for Dracula's death.

Let's recap Isaac's involvement with S2's plot. Aside from killing off Godbrand, he doesn't do much until S2E5, when Hector takes him on a walk in daytime to discuss about his new plan:

Hector: We need to assert an order to the war. We're the agents of his rage, not paintings of it. We can't just thrash around. Isaac: What do you want, Hector? Hector: I want to present a united front. I want a plan. I want to move forward and get this over with in an orderly manner. I want you to agree to move on Braila.

Hector: All Dracula hears is the noise in the War Hall. He needs us to be the clear voice over that noise. He needs us to speak in one voice. lsaac: He needs us to be loyal. Hector: *scoffs* How is it disloyal to provide the guidance he requested of us? Isaac: If it's serving you and not him. There are people in the court who have their own plans. Their own agendas. Hector: I am loyal to him and his intent. But he asked for a plan. And we need to give him one, unambiguously. We go to Braila, prevent a diaspora by boat and then proceed along the coast from there. What do you say? Isaac: Well. It will please Carmilla, so I distrust it. But it would stop her from making mischief, for the moment. And it would get the war room pointed in the same direction.

Hector makes a pretty solid argument in favor of going to Braila, with his point being "we need to be united", which is fair. Isaac guesses that this would be advantageous to Carmilla, but as long as she shuts up, he seems to be fine with it.

Dracula then questions Isaac when he reports the conversation.

Isaac: He'll be coming here to request you approve a move on Braila. Dracula: Why? Isaac: Hector doesn't like it when the animals fight. Carmilla has the court whipped up. Discord is loud. it bothers him. Dracula: Is he still loyal? Isaac: Oh, I think so. There's betrayal abroad in the court, but Hector is a simpler creature than that. He just doesn't like the arguing.

i swear isaac is so close to dropping the R-slur

Seriously speaking, Isaac spells it as plainly as he can: he understood that Carmilla might be behind the proposal, but he thinks Hector is too much of an idiot to plot behind Dracula's back. And may I reiterate, Isaac agreed with the Braila plan too, and conceded Hector's point that they need the council to be united. He even says "It will give Carmilla some power, but that's not a bad thing." Yeah, Hector is stupid because discord bothers him, but you're not stupid for giving Carmilla what she wants because she bothers you :)

Of course, Isaac is forced to eat crow when the castle gets assaulted, and Dracula recognizes Carmilla's involvement. All this time, she pressured them to move the castle to Braila so that she could attack them. Sure, the assault fails spectacularly and at the end of the day the Trephacard gang do most of the work (and it's weird that they never enter Isaac's thoughts), but the betrayal is still recognized and that's the important part.

To be honest, at first I planned to write this post to prove that Isaac had no reason to understand that Hector was plotting with Carmilla, because Hector explained his plan very logically, and Isaac kept thinking of him as a dumb babyboy. But I am forced to concede that Hector speaking with Carmilla at his side might have allowed him put two and two together later on, even if off screen. Sure, as far as he knows Hector has vanished because he was taken prisoner (which is what happened), but he could have also thought that he had run away with Carmilla. So I'll be fair, and say yes, Isaac had reasons to believe Hector betrayed Dracula of his own volition, even if he didn't know him well enough to guess why. I can also accept Isaac assumed Hector acted maliciously until S4, because he is a fanatic with a black-and-white view of the world.

... but why doesn't Isaac also blame himself?

Everything Hector did, Isaac did as well. He's just as much responsible for Dracula's death as Hector is. Hector proposed the Braila plan with good motivations:

Hector: We would ask you to consider moving the castle to Braila, to conduct a full-scale destructive attack on the port. Dracula: To what end? Hector: To seal it, and discourage escape by river to the sea. Then we turn inland, having land-locked the humans and turned their country into a prison.

And Isaac agreed with this plan, because hey, as long as Carmilla doesn't make mischief :^) in fact, Isaac was way more passive than Hector even was in this season. He did nothing but wax poetics about his own loyalty, his idea that humans need to die to have a pure world, and insult Hector in his free time. Hector at least considered Carmilla's proposal with the initial intent of helping Dracula, before she swayed him.

Isaac underestimated Carmilla and Hector. Had he taken her more seriously after she so loudly announced she thought Dracula was an imbecile, and respected his fellow General's intelligence, perhaps he could have opposed them both and protected his depressed Lord who at this point is pretty much unable to defend himself. It's his fault too Dracula was attacked. But no, by S3, he's just cackling at the sight of Hector suffering in Styria, and by S4, he has the absolute balls to say that he forgives Hector because he had no agency.

It was a missed opportunity to make him a more sympathetic character. Imagine Isaac blaming himself for not doing enough to protect his Lord, but refusing to grapple with his failure by focusing his whole hatred on Hector, because he just can't cope with the idea that his blasé attitude got his Lord killed. Imagine him admitting, in S4, that he was no better than the man he used to look down on. Imagine him actually being humbled by his mistakes and experiences. But no, he has long pretentious speeches about muh humans bad to make. Can't make the darling of the narrative look imperfect, can we?

By the way :)

Isaac here didn't even do anything to cause Dracula's death, he simply pursued Hector under Dracula's orders, and yet he does show poignant survivor's guilt. I feel bad for him, despite being a murderous asshole, because for all he did, he doesn't deserve to blame himself, and he doesn't deserve to have his entire life uprooted at the hands of his old friend/rival. And, of course, he has plenty reason to despise Hector, considering how much more personal the betrayal was.

Just saying that the elements for a good character were all there.

[bendingmuses]

@heirscrchd wanted me to talk about this scene from the comics. This bot long, so bear with me. Cause I have thoughts.

So, a bit of backstory for those have not read the comics. The gaang, minus Toph and plus Azula, are in search for Ursa (Azula and Zuko's mom). They had just fought off a spirit wolf that spat moth-wasps at them. Everything has calmed down after that and Zuko and Sokka are taking first watch (because they don't exactly trust Azula). While Aang meditates, and Katara and Azula sleep. Azula has fought them and ran from them to try and get ahead of them. So they need to be careful.

Azula is shivering, it's a wonder she can sleep at all. Especially while her mind is essentially attacking her in her sleep. Which is terrifying to think about. That you can't trust you own mind even when sleeping. But then Sokka asks that question: "After everything that's happened, you're still gonna let her sleep with her hands unbound?"

Which, come on Sokka. Let the girl have some bit of dignity. It's probably really uncomfortable to sleep bound up. I know she's messed up, but you all have a common goal right now.

Then starts my favorite conversation in the comics. Ever since his own redemption and rise to Fire Lord, Zuko has been willing to give Azula chance after chance. He desperately wants a connection with his family, and he's willing to make questionable decisions to get there. Including bringing Azula along on this mission, and trusting her to not run off or go against them. He wants to believe that his sister is capable of being and doing better. Just like him and Uncle Iroh. That she can learn from her mistakes and come out of it a better person.

I mean, just look at the scene that made him want to search for his mother in the first place. A speech about how the way a dignitary treats their family is a good indicator of how they will treat their nation. Which, in Zuko's case, is a far cry from a good sign for the future.

Zuko is unsure and questioning. He just wants his family, and as great as Uncle Iroh is, he also doesn't want to disturb his peace in Ba Sing Se too much. He's trying so hard, but maybe it would be a little easier to be Fire Lord if he had his family at his side. At least, as much of his family as he can get.

But back to the original scene in question.

Not only is this just a really cute moment between Zuko and Sokka, but we get to see more of Sokka being a caretaker for Katara. We get to see the good side of having a sibling, and so does Zuko. And I love the parallels here. Two big brothers that just want to do right by their little sisters. Granted, Sokka seems to have a better grasp of it than Zuko does, but can you really blame him? Zuko and Azula were pitted against each other all their childhood. It's kind of hard to fight against something so ingrained in you from a young age.

I mean, just look how soft Sokka looks caring for Katara. I love them so much, and would kill for Zuko and Azula to have something similar. Though, I know it's a far cry from what we'll probably ever get in canon.

"Seem's like you're getting the short end of that stick," Zuko says when Sokka compares throwing witticisms at Katara like she throws snowballs at him. Zuko is so used to comparing himself and his life to Azula's that getting the short end of the stick seems foreign to him. He was always striving to be equal at least equal to Azula. Which seemed impossible until he finally accepted his destiny and learned what true firebending was. So, he doesn't quite understand where Sokka is coming from, but he wants to. He wants that type of relationship. Where they're not constantly fighting to outdo the other, but instead just to tease each other. To be somewhat normal and have stupid little arguments instead of life-threatening ones.

Lastly is such a cute and sweet moment from Zuko. Putting a blanket over Azula so she won't freeze. Which, to most, it doesn't seem like much, but it is. Zuko during the war would have never thought to do something like that for Azula. He would have let her freeze, because if she's so great and smart, then she can figure it out. Which comes from a place of resentment and insecurity. Not that he's becoming more secure in himself and realizing how much damage his father actually did to them, he's starting to resent her less and less. Does that mean he necessarily trusts her? No. What it does mean is that he's willing to not just see her as just her war crimes and terrible behavior towards him. He's willing to look at her as the victim she is, but also hold her accountable for her actions.

In the end, Zuko wants Azula to do better. He wants to have that relationship with he where they can actually be friends. In his core, he really does love his sister. He just needed to be able to separate her from Ozai for him to actually start trying to express that. After all, I think he fully believed the institution was supposed to help her. Until he realized that it was doing more damage than good.

What I'm saying, is let Zuko be a good brother. That's all he wants. He wants to do right by Azula, and now Kiyi. Just like how he wants to do right by the Fire Nation. Because if he can rebuild his broken family, then he can rebuild the Fire Nation. To him, they are kind of one in the same.

[puckjay-blue]

Where do we go now (But This Is Ruin chapter 3)

On one of the last days where the outdoors archery range will be open, there are only three students there, practicing in silence. It is a patch of browning grass right by a meadow. Colorful targets are layed over soft, light wood. The sky is grey, and it's starting to rain, but not enough to justify pulling out an umbrella.

Athena misses her first shot. Artemis only hits the outer ring, so does Apollo. The silence is waiting for someone to talk. Apollo is the first one to break. "This is shit, right? We can agree that this sucks?" Athena releases her arrow. It hits near the bullseye. "I mean it's true," Apollo continues. "Shit was fine. Great even. And now it's fucked." "It's not fucked." Artemis interjects. "Yes it is!" "No it's not." she insists. "Does Aphrodite know you're hanging out with us?" Apollo accuses. Artemis says nothing. "Why are you hiding it from her?" Artemis releases an other arrow. It goes wild and hits the pannel of wood behind the target. She lowers her bow and shakes her hair free of her braid. "I don't know, ok? It's weird." "Yeah, that's what I was saying! We had a nice thing going!" Athena releases her arrow and hits shy off the bullseye again. "The situation is complexe. Taking sides is the right thing to do." "It doesn't feel like it!" Apollo protests. "Think about the alternative," Athena conters. "Imagine if all of us had insisted on staying neutral." "I don't do neutral," Artemis interjects. Athena ignores her. "We would just be in a strange stalemate where no one aknowledges things have changed. I am not forcing Hephaestus to hang out with Aphrodite to protect my own feelings. No matter how much I like Aphrodite." Apollo nods, conceeding to Athena's point.

Apollo shoots his first arrow as the girls refill their quivers and hits the red ring. "So what now?" Artemis asks. She has her usual stone face, but Apollo knows her too well and Athena is too clever ; they hear the break in her voice. Both of the twins turn towards Athena. "Well, we will still have soccer. So that settles it for the three of us." "And Ares," Apollo adds. When Artemis gives him a side eye, he adds, "He did nothing wrong. He doesn't even want to make a move on Tee. Hephaestus broke up with Aphrodite and Aphrodite did whatever Athena is not telling us, but don't you dare blame Ares. He did nothing but transfer here because he got the scolarship. Do not," Apollo warns when Artemis goes to argue. "He is right," Athena adds. "Ares is in it against his will. He does not deserve to be thought of as a point of contension, especially when he is doing everything not to be." Artemis shows her teeth. "Hephaestus is ok with your soft spot?" Athena's facial muscles relax as she releases an arrow that flies right into the center of the target, her version of a smile. "Do not be mistaken. Hephaestus adores him." "*WHAT?*" Apollo chokes, giving up on drawing his bow. Athena refuses to elaborate, and shoots two other near perfect shots.

"So like, what," Artemis asks. "We just settle on Ares did nothing wrong and we only hang out at soccer practice, now?" Under her detached exterior, Apollo expects fury, at losing the argument. But she sounds panicked. He puts a hand on his sister's shoulder and looks at Athena. She nods, understanding his silent message. "Let's see the situation as it is," she puts her bow down and kneels. "Hephaestus hurt Aphrodite's feelings by breaking up with her. Aphrodite hurt Hephaestus's feelings." "Why won't you tell us why he did it?" Artemis interrupts, her usual irritation creeping back into her demeanor. "Would it matter?" "Yeah, one hundred per cent!" Artemis lies. Athena nods. If she sees through it she does not say anything. "Aphrodite benefits from a presumption of innocence he is not offered. I will not give you his reasoning for you to pick through and find any reasons to say he is wrong. No one will defend him the way you defend Aphrodite, so I won't put him in a position where he has to defend himself. You cannot say his reasons are bad and wrong if you don't know them." Artemis rubs her foot into the ground like a boar preparing to charge, sighs loudly but does not say or do anything more. Athena goes back to where she was effortlessly.

"They hurt each other. Ares is a cause of tension, we cannot deny it," she speaks over Apollo when he tries to protest. "It is not his fault, but especially if he dates Aphrodite, he makes the situation more complicated. And we each have a favorite one in the situation, and everyone is aware of it." "Yeah but what do we *do*," Artemis asks, getting antsy. Athena ponders longer than the twins expect her to, especially given her response. "Nothing. We wait it out. Aphrodite and Hephaestus are not childish enough to be offended we still like each other. Ares is, I assume, blissfully oblivious. We have to wait for the situation to move." The twins groan in unisson. "I know it is not ideal, but there is not exactly anything for us to actually do." Artemis shoots an arrow that plants in the grass in front of the target. "How bad is it if Tee and Ares date? For Hephaestus?" Athena looks up and thinks, before saying, "I am not sure. I don't think he would feel *great* about it, but he didn't break up with her because of Ares. He will be upset the regular amount." Apollo chuckles. "What on earth is that supposed to mean?" "The fact that it is Ares will not factor in nearly as much as you think it will," Athena explains, not catching the rethorical tone of the question. Apollo looks at her impressed, as she manages to be helpful anyway.

It starts to properly rain. Artemis swears and rushes to get the targets inside. Athena follows her to gather the arrows, the hood of her jacket pulled tight over her head. Apollo pulls an apple out of his bag, and lets them clean the archery range.

[bambamramfan]

You're getting into tricky theological territory here, and I'm less than certain in my interpretations. Fargo and Coen works frequently have supernatural interventions (Hudsucker Proxy, O Brother), that could feel "divine" and a sign of the Higher Power tipping the scales for good (or community or whatnot.) I don't blame anyone for seeing it that way.

... but it's not how I see it. Occasionally higher powers intervene in ways that seem good vs evil, but their victory never seems guaranteed. You mention the Season 3 bowling alley, but that's not an angel that's the Wandering Jew.

who, understandably has strong feelings on ethics, but is not really a divinely empowered warrior angel. And it's important that he doesn't succeed. He put Nikki on a redeemed path, but she doesn't finish off Vargas, she veers off for revenge to kill Emmet, which causes her death. Marrane failed. And in Hudsucker Proxy, where we see the two quasi-divine beings fighting, it's a real fight not just the universe sticking in for Norville.

Which is to say, there are higher powers sometime, but they either aren't fated by the Big Other to succeed, or they're random happenstance (the flood, the rain of frogs) that care about no human conceptions of good or evil. In either case, we still have to fight for our conception of the good.

... I admit this is not really a definitive argument alone. But I think in the context of the rest of their work (most obviously No Country) it's defensible to say this all reflects existential nihilism.

*******

None of your other comments do I think are analytically wrong - if we're just trying to write up the Fargo DM Guide full of stats and powers and Lore(tm.) I'd say that's accurate.

But my reading isn't for mechanical jawing, it's about how we appreciate the art. One of the really important items about "a wolf" is that their athletic display of violence is one of the most entertaining parts of the movie/show. It's fun to see Malvo/Dot/Milligan/Chirugh go to work! I don't think we get the same cinematic joy from violence delivered by cops, or sheep standing up for themselves, or goons (though their incompetence is also a reliable source of entertainment.)

Similarly you make a compelling observation that the two sides are really community vs individual, but I'm not sure that adds narrative value when discussing these works. The movies/shows are about good and evil clashing, and good winning by their good heart. I don't think "Coen movies (and related shows) are about community vs the individual."

Some further thoughts, this time on the odd morality of Fargo. Cut, again, for spoilers for pretty much everything.

The fundamental worldview of the show is... interesting.

To an extent, it's existentialist. It recognizes that The Rules Are Made Up, for instance; Malvo's philosophy that "all that matters is what an individual person can do" from S1 is all but explicitly endorsed by the show. Systems, organizations and laws, throughout the show, are shown to be fundamentally ineffective in the face of a single person with the Will to Power, and the central conflict of every season can reasonably be reduced to a struggle between two or more of these fully realized individuals.

The obvious extension of this worldview would be that there is also no such thing as Good, Truth, or Justice in the absolute sense -- but the show doesn't go that far. The most obvious counterexample is the, you know, fucking angel in S3 directly intervening on the side of goodness (and civilization, given Yuri's beast mask), but there are several moments throughout the show's run where it tips its hand.

The one that jumped out at me the most on our rewatch was actually from S1: the rabbi who lives across the courtyard from Gus. It's not just that he's a man of faith (in both senses), it's that he provides a direct counterargument to Malvo's philosophy -- an explicit statement of the power and value of community to keep out predators -- and Malvo folds. The same apex predator who we've seen intimidate multiple authority figures into submission simply by staring at them loses the staring contest with a representative of Good.

We can reconcile this potential incoherence in the show's worldview: it believes that Good is Community. The angel only intervenes, after all, after Nikki's motivation has transformed from exacting personal vengeance to taking out a predator threating others, not to mention helping Wrench escape their hunters at significant risk to herself.

This also explains which characters the show respects, in a way that reclassifies the Sheep/Goon/Sheepdog/Wolf structure a bit. Specifically, while Naive/Effective remains a crucial axis, Lawful/Criminal should better be understood as Community-Focused vs Individualist. By "community-focused" I don't just mean they support other people, but that they support the idea of Community, of agreed-upon (if made-up) Rules that everybody agrees to follow for the betterment of all. In seasons 1 and 3, the only Sheepdogs are on the side not just of community generally but (until Nikki's late turn) police in particular, and the only Wolves are individualist, but the historical seasons -- 2 and 4 -- disrupt that pattern.

The show has tremendous respect for Floyd Gerhardt, even though she's the head of a murderous criminal organization, because she has principles, is focused on the preservation of her family, business and even relationships with other gangs, and is effective at imposing that vision on the world (until, like Malvo, she's outplayed by a Wolf). It doesn't feel quite right to call her a Wolf herself -- she's not a predator the way Malvo, Lester and Hanzee are -- but if we allow that a Sheepdog does not have to be aligned with Law, merely with Rules and Community, then that becomes a perfect description of her character.

Consider also the three different gang bosses in S4, and in particular how much more respect the show gives to Cannon and Violante than to Josto. There are plenty of Wolves (or wannabes) on both sides, but those first two are focused not on ignoring those rules that don't help them but on enforcing a world of order and community. Josto, meanwhile, wants to be a Wolf while also being in charge of an organization, goals which are fundamentally incompatible, and this leaves him looking more pathetic than anything else.

This, I think, explains the show's treatment of Roy in season 5: Roy presents himself as a Sheepdog, but he's not actually interested in Rules or Community except insofar as they directly benefit him. It's an interesting question whether he thinks of himself as a Sheepdog or a Wolf, but he clearly is just a Goon, when it comes down to it, and thus not deserving of the show's respect as Wolves and Sheepdogs are.

Now, a question for discussion: what the fuck is Oraetta?

[i4bellingham]

hi! if you are taking requests:

could i ask for an angst of jude and the reader getting into a fight which results in the reader leaving the house? but jude gets worried about them?

thank you!!!

i also love your fics so much

I LOVE YOU, I’M SORRY : jude bellingham x reader

cw: cussing, misunderstandings, jude being an asshole in the first half but don’t worry because he redeems himself :P

i need to recover from my writer's block some more, i am not a fan of how this piece turned out 😭

You're not sure if Jude fully understands your argument, or if he does, there is a possibility that he deems it unnecessary to recognize the weight of your worries because he just do not give a single fuck about it.

Instead of trying to see from where you're coming from, he does the opposite and tries to divert the entire conversation happening in a different direction. Point-blank counters, shifting blames and the refusal to look into the bigger picture of what's happening around him becomes his defense mechanism.

Worst of it all? This has been going on for two weeks now, and he's never once acknowledged your worries let alone ease them down. And quite frankly, you're just tired of it all.

You love Jude, that's an irrefutable fact but just because you love him doesn't mean you'll continue staying with him unless something changes. Especially how he treats your current concern in the relationship.

“You’re being ridiculous. She’s part of the team, she treats everybody like that.” Here goes his usual counter attack, rapidly shrugging off your uneasiness just as fast as you've voiced them out.

An exasperated sigh leaves your lips, you know this conversation with him will end in the same way it had just like yesterday; unresolved and thrown out of the window.

“‘She treats everybody like that’? So she goes to wipe every player’s sweat off their bodies too Jude? Is that it?” You sarcastically ask. “Funny how I’ve never seen her do it once or did she do it in time when she knew I’d arrive?”

Jude looks like he's trying to hold himself from screaming at you to understand his point; a pointless argument one both of you can't win unfortunately, as he too grits his teeth and the inevitable shutting of the television off is drawn as he stands up from the couch.

“I’m done here. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He says before making his way towards the stairs.

“You never want to talk about anything if it comes to her. I don’t know why but you're awfully protective of her Jude.” Your own words bring a sting to your chest. You know you're just pushing him to his limit at this point but recalling all those times since last week that he's evaded any talk about her or your worries that she's crossing a professional line with him, you yourself is barely hanging on a thread from snapping.

Jude stops and whips his entire body to face you. There is a tight frown on his face, brows pulling in a scrunch before a scoff leaves him. He walks back on the first level of the stairs, crossed arms and frowning face.

“Are ya hearin’ yourself right now?” He incredulously asks you. “You’re soundin’ ridiculous with thisㅡ this accusations that you have-”

You stand up from sitting on the couch. “They’re not accusations Jude. Merely something that I noticed since you've refused to talk to her about setting boundaries especially in a professional setting like that.”

“It’s weird to talk about it with her considerin’ she’s not doing anything wrong-”

“Oh so invading my boyfriend’s personal space, being a complete bitch when I’m there and being awfully comfortable with touching you is not wrong!?” You cut him off, the rise and fall of your chest apparent as you spoke from your voice raising. “I’m not even asking you for something big Jude, all I want is for you to settle a boundary with her because as your girlfriend I feel disrespected by her and her actionsㅡ and you're not making me feel any better by taking her fucking side every time we talk. I’m so tired of having this conversation all the time just for my worries to remain unresolved, I’m just so fucking tired of you Jude...”

Swiping off your phone and car keys from the table, you left a stunned Jude at the bottom of the stairs as you drove off and away from your so called home. If he can't get a grip and start acting like how a boyfriend should, then you don't have anything to stay for in this relationship. Not even the love he proclaims he have for you.

ㅡ

You don’t know how long you've been sitting here. With your phone completely shut off and the silence inside the car being your only company, there was nothing else for you to do but wallow in self-pity and self-hatred.

You don't understand why it was so difficult for Jude to have the talk that you've asked him for since last week. Why he was so bothered by the idea of setting a professional boundary with one of the team’s new athletic trainers was beyond you.

He had always hit you with the same lines that she wasn't doing anything wrong, that she's part of the team and that it was awkward to have that kind of talk with her yada yada. Honest to God if you didn't have this much trust on Jude, you're near to thinking and convincing yourself that he's probably cheating, and that thought alone makes you wanna hurl the content of your stomach from tonight's dinner.

You've had countless of talks about him and setting boundaries, you've had multiple fights because of her but never once were your worries ever acknowledged by your own boyfriend. And it pains you more than anything to go through such a situation where you feel like your feelings are being invalidated in the relationship that you try so hard to understand and have patience for.

It wasn't a huge request. You didn't ask him to move the moon for you, fix the climate change or explore the entire ocean floor but to merely establish a limit and an extent to where she can act out in her comfort. But unfortunately things just doesn't work in the way you wanted them too so now you're here, sat inside your car with the heater blasting on in the outskirts of the city alone.

And you stay there for a few more hours just until the sliver of sun peek through in between the mountain ranges. You think you may have dozed off in your seat at some point during the entire night you were there but you don't dwell on the thought for too long, not when you have to drive all the way back in the city to face another dreaded day with the possibility of yet another fight happening.

You purse your lips, recalling the last time that either you or Jude went home and there was no worries for things like this. It seems almost so long ago when the both of you were reveling in each other's presence, finding comfort in one another as you do the most mundane task in existence.

It just feels so nostalgic, almost like you have completely lost whatever comfort you found in your relationship once when it's being challenged right now by factors that shouldn't even be treated as a major threat to your relationship right now. Only if Jude knows how to listen and acknowledge and you to be more patient and level-headed.

You stop by a local cafè where you and Jude used to stop by during the early mornings before, only halting the visits when he gifted you a coffeemaker for Christmas last year. You got yourself yours and Jude’s usual drinks before purchasing a few pastries and treats before you're driving back to your shared home.

You were in the process of locking your car door when the door to your house opened, and came rushing out was Jude still in his pajamas, phone in hand before he's wrapping you in his embrace.

“Where have you been? Do you know how worried I am? I’ve called your phone a million times and you weren't answering. I called your friends thinking you were there with them but they told me that you haven't gone by to visit for an entire week. I drove in the city looking for you for hours and I couldn't find youㅡ Do you know how worried sick I am? Where have you been the entire night Y/N?” He continues, reprimanding you as he guided you back inside the house with a grip over your shoulders. “Have you got your phone with you? You've got it with you haven't you? Why didn't you answer any of my calls-?”

“It was turned off the entire night Jude.”

Jude scoffs at your passive tone of voice, watching as you drop the bag of pastries over the kitchen counter along with his coffee before your walking up the stairs with an obvious sag on your shoulders.

“You could have called me and told me you were safe no? I was worried sick about you.” Jude follows you to your bedroom as you went inside the en suite bathroom to wash up. “Seriously Y/N you should've at least texted me.”

“Right. Apologies, won’t happen next time.” He hears you reply just before the door to the bathroom shut close.

Alone in your shared room, Jude becomes heavily aware of your nonchalance, the thick wall of ice separating you both. He noticed that you never once look him in the eye upon arriving home, opting to fix your gaze on the monochrome walls of the house than to look at his face entirely.

You never pushed him away from touching you, but by the slight adjustments you made while being in his hold, Jude knew he fucked up big time. He knew that he did even last night, the moment you told him that you were tired of him.

Jude isn't sure if you realized the words to leave your lips last night but nonetheless, Jude knows he deserves them. Heck he doesn't even deserve to be in the same house as you right now let alone be in the presence of your tempering patience especially with how badly he had acted for the last two weeks.

He doesn't know where you get the patience for him from but he knows he needs to change and make some adjustments. In order to keep you from walking away from his life, Jude knows he needs to change some things in himself in order to not make the same mistakes again. God knows what will happen to him if he loses you, he doesn't even want to know.

Jude waits patiently as you wash up, picking up some undergarments from your wardrobe before lining it over the bed with one of his oversized jumpers and shorts. He sits by the bed, resting his back against the wooden headboard as he waits for you to finish, fiddling with his phone as he sends a last text to someone before chucking the device on the pillows.

You leave the bathroom with a steamy smoke from your shower, pausing on the doorway to stare at the clothes all laid out for you on the bed and the (most likely) perpetrator of it who sat awkwardly on your side of the bed, mouth slightly open as he softly snored with his arms crossed over his chest.

You took the clothes he prepped for you, turning to change in the bathroom before throwing away your dirtied clothes in the hamper.

You give one last glance at Jude before gently closing the bedroom door behind you as you walk downstairs and into the kitchen. You'd rather be here just in case Jude wakes up on the bed, it would be awkward and a little difficult for you to be in the same room as him right now with no clarity or any sort of proper conversation happening in between the two of you.

You’re not by any means raising your pride up in the ceiling but you certainly are a bit hesitant at the thought of letting Jude talk to you just easy as that after the way he treated you. You'll talk to him yes but he'll have to earn the rights again after being a complete ass for more than two days.

Fetching your pastries and the remaining of your drink, you began munching on your food as you scrolled through your phone. You know you should be taking some rest and sleeping after an entire night out but you couldn't bring yourself to sleep. You think it's not exactly the time for you to sleep when you have your head filled with a magnitude of thoughts about where you'll be picking up your relationship with Jude. You yourself know you'll get zero to none wink of sleep even if you lay down on the soft cushioned couch you have in your living room, you know even that won't suffice and you normally are able to sleep there after a few minutes of laying down. That alone says something.

Speaking of Jude, your boyfriend walks down the stairs with a small frown on his face. He silently takes the stool next to you, letting you have some peace and silent that lasted shortly after you've gotten it.

“Y/N... Love, can we talk?”

You continue scrolling through your phone, not once passing him a glance.

“Oh? I thought you don’t want to talk? You told me that just last night if I recall correctly-”

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean it.”

“Didn’t you?” You scoff.

Jude heaves a deep breath in, trying to calm his nerves from the nonchalance and passiveness that's coming from you. “Can we talk? Please?”

You didn't respond. Not immediately, at least.

You let him sit there beside you with nothing but the sounds coming from your phone serve as the only source of noise from your sudden silence. You let the silence drag on until Jude himself couldn't take it anymore.

“Okay... you don't have to say anything but please listen to me okay?” Still no response. Jude sighs yet again before bracing himself for his explanation. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I acted like a complete arse to you and disregarded your worries in our relationship. As your boyfriend I shouldn't have done what I did, I should've been better. I should've listened to you and done exactly what you asked of me because I don’t want you to worry about anything in this relationship. And I failed to do that. I’ve been a shitty boyfriend to you and you don't deserve that. You don't deserve to be treated in the way that I treated you and I know I can't take back what fuck-ups I did but all I can do now is to make up for it. If you can give me another chance to be a better boyfriend to you, I’ll be better. I will try to be better, for you.”

Jude takes one of your hand, noticing you staring blankly at the screen of your phone and fingers paused midway from scrolling through another tiktok.

“I’m so sorry love, I promise to better. Please forgive me...”

You close your phone off, gaze landing on the apologetic gaze Jude had as he held your hand against his cheek.

“I’m not entirely forgiving you. You hurt me too much-”

“I know love I know, and I'll take what you can give me... If I have to work for your forgiveness I will.”

You slowly nod your head with a soft exhale, watching how Jude’s lips pull up into a smile as he thanks you underneath his breath for countless of times.

Jude takes his phone from his pockets before he slides the device to you, and in the screen is a conversation he's had with the girl whom you're not really fond of. He’s just basically asked her to fuck off of text from the chain of messages she's sent him, and by his rather rude way of wording in his texts which you were about to point out, Jude chimes in.

“I’m planning on talking to her during training too.” He tells you sheepishly as you scroll through the one-sided conversation of his messages with her. “And I want you to be there... as much of an arse move that is, I want you to witness the conversation with her.”

“Jude I just want you to set boundaries with her-”

“And I will.” Jude interrupts you. “I will love, but I just don't want you to overthink things so I want you to be there when I do. This is just one step of me asking for your forgiveness. I still have a long way to go and I’m gonna do them in my own pace to not mess things up but I will work on them, and I will show you that forgiving me won’t be for nothing.”

You wrap both your arms around his neck, burying your face on the crook of his neck as Jude pulls you close to him.

“I’m so sorry again love, for everything.”

“You’re not entirely forgiven but at least you're a step in being forgiven.”

Jude chuckles against your hair, planting a kiss on your temple.

“I know... I know, just wanted you to know how sorry I am. I love you, and I’m really sorry.”

[jtrokujo]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇𝐘 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐎𝐗𝐈𝐂¿

paring: Mikaela Hyakuya x fem!Reader

(they’re 18+!!!)

word count: 4k

warning: this story contains sexual content

gerne: smut

summary: there are days when they get along well but there were also days when they hated each other like the plague and even though they love each other?

—

The weather is neutral, but I wish it got better.

The sun is obscured by the gray clouds, but it's not windy or anything.

You could even go out with a top.

However, y / n decided to take a seat in the four walls with a number of different books and a tall pile of books right next to them.

As she gently leafed through the pages of the somewhat older book, she felt a stab.

Of course it didn't hurt since no one was attacking her, but it felt like someone was watching her.

Without presenting her feelings, she took some books and put the rest where she got them.

Immediately after leaving the library, she stopped in the middle of the path and said with an annoyed sigh, "Bathory, I know you're here."

He stands grinning in front of y / n, but could hardly show a disappointed face.

With his head tilted to one side, he looked at his prey and smiled at her immediately. "I prefer you to call me by my first name, dear."

“I do what I want and not what you want, Bathory. Besides, I have better things to do than waste my precious time being influenced by you. "

When they told the vampire, she continued on her way, or at least intended to.

As quickly as he came, he grabbed her arm just as quickly. "But y / n, why is it in such a hurry?" asked the vampire, amused, pressing more and more on hers with every second, so slowly you could hear her bones. Y / n had to react immediately!

Without thinking for a second, she dropped all of the books on the white floor and immediately grabbed her gun. "You should let go of me!" y / n's voice rang out down the hall and immediately shot the vampire in the arm.

His blood spurted around her.

Y / n got his blood on her face as well as on her clothes - it was the same with Bathory, also the wall and especially the floor got his blood.

"Disgusting." mumbled y / n and wiped the blood on her face, although she knew herself that it would be of no use.

"What's going on here?" Everyone but not him.

"Hello Mika!" said Ferid with delight and turned to get a better look at him.

"Have you lost your nerve again?" he asked me annoyed, but he only looked at me for a few seconds and immediately saw Ferid's blood spatter.

"What do you mean 'again'?"

Even if we've known each other for a long time, we both have to admit that one and the other have diverged. Sometimes it was his fault, sometimes it was me. There were of course moments when we got along really well, but in the end they weren't enough in my opinion.

"Since you've lived with us, at least one vampire must have got something from your weapon."

Said the blond-haired vampire while his eyes stared at me.

I'm not understating when I say that his eyes alone make me feel naked.

Mika only manages to control me through his eyes, even though I should be the one who should control every vampire or the various books I spend most of my time on just one more bad joke.

It was enough for vampires to exist and more than hundreds of people took their own lives just to be able to enjoy themselves. To this day I cannot forgive any of the vampires for what they did to me or those around me. I know myself that there are bad ones, but what is their goal?

Or do you have a goal?

"Y / n." I heard his voice.

Awakened from my trance, I see his eyes again. However, they do not have this previous aura, no, they are a little stricter this time. When I gave him a sign of his attention, the lecture immediately came, "You are old enough to know how to behave and with whom to behave. If you show this behavior to someone else, I'll let that person do it . " and do what they want, because I haven't had the nerve for someone like you for a long time. So finally know your limits before I use my weapon against you! "

Impressive. From sentence to sentence his voice grew louder and louder. Seriously, I never expected or even had the idea of ​​this side of Mika in my life, but here it is. Wonderful y / n, now you have managed to sink deeply with Mika, which is actually the very last thing I ever wanted to achieve in my life, but life has never been a paradise.

With a chuckle, Bathory put his arm and my shoulders and spoke to Mika.

"But, but Mika shouldn't be so strict with her. She's just a little girl again, not even now, is she?" "If I were that little girl, you would surely have two arms instead of one." After saying my sentence, I picked up the books that were still on the floor and didn't say goodbye to anyone, why should I?

Bathory is nothing more than an idiot who uses his satisfaction to see others suffer rather than provoke them too.

While Mika nudges both children like a father, although the other is to blame for everything.

When I got to my room, I put the books on my table and sat on my bed, thinking about the old days. However, I don't think of the days with loved ones that I lost, but of those that I spent with Mika before he gave me a “better life”.

I could leave it all behind at any time and either not start an old or a new life, but I love to have him in my heart for it.

Sighing at my thoughts, I give up and stood in front of my closet for the next minute.

While the lukewarm water felt the white bathtub, my clothes landed on the floor.

This life is more of a calling expected of others than a life of its own. A break does no harm to anyone.

I said to myself and after a few seconds I closed my eyes.

After my bath or a break from the real world, I'm just choosing which book to read.

As I was about to start the new book, someone knocked on my door.

Hesitantly, I said the door was open and waited for the person behind it to appear. Please leave it all but Bathory.

Sighing, I immediately put my hand on my left breast and saw him, Mika.

To be honest, I'm happy to see him, but I'm not, but I don't need an explanation. "Good evening." he said in his usual tone. Without making a big head out of it, I repeated it myself, but added if he needed anything from me.

Shivering, I answered my question in the negative and came up to me with slow steps.

The only thing I could do was do nothing. I stopped. When our faces are a few centimeters away, his arm came slowly towards my body, until he reached for something, when he had this in his hand, he came back with a few steps and immediately held a book in my face.

"I really recommend it, I have to say, you have pretty good taste when it comes to books. I've read it several times because these stories, the writing style, the plot and most of all the characters are up to me." uniquely well written down to the smallest detail. "

I looked at the vampire in amazement. "You read that too?" "Y / n, if I hadn't read it, I wouldn't have a clue either."

A little ashamed of my oh-so-intelligent question, I also looked at the floor.

The whole time there was nothing to be heard, neither a little intoxication, nor even breathing. But after a few seconds, Mika also broke the embarrassing silence by taking a few steps and holding out his arm to me. I don't understand it about myself. When Mika is around, I either act annoyed or neutral. However, countless butterflies gather in my stomach when I think of him alone!

"Y / n ... y / n?!" Mika looked up, gave me a neutral look and at the same time held a few strands of my hair and asked me if he should tie my hair up with a towel. I gently took the wet strands of hair from his hand and began to giggle at my discomfort and nervousness. The thought of me being weird was always out of the question.

"I think I'll blow dry my hair. I'll see you at dinner or tomorrow."

"I'll see you at dinner or tomorrow." repeated Mika before she disappeared from my room.

Locked in the room and caught in his deepest thoughts, he stared over the ceiling.

The reviews of that day haunted him to this day when he also dreamed them.

Sleeping now wouldn't be for him, even though it is shortly before 2 o'clock.

But what can you do about it?

The vampire rose from the bed, stretched out, and decided to go for a walk immediately.

As he walked through the empty corridors, he always hoped not to meet anyone.

Whatever stays that way.

Bored and hands in his pockets, the floor caught his attention. It didn't take long, however, because he was amazed to get up when he saw the light coming from someone's room.

He was more than sure whose room, or rather chamber, it was.

It was Y / n's.

He stopped in front of it, thinking, held out his hand and wanted to knock on the door. At the same time he quickly put his hand in his pocket. This scenario takes about 3 minutes. But it wasn't the vampire's nervousness that was unusual, no, why should he be at y / n's door? This is funny.

Doesn't he often seem annoyed or stern in your presence?

Well, he doesn't even know what's going on in his head.

After an eternity, the vampire finally knocked on the human's door and immediately heard "Come in" from the other side.

Without telling himself twice, he opened the door and saw her. He saw her spread out on the large bed with several notes and books.

Stressed out. You can't see it from the outside, but even Mika can confess that he thinks it is strange to see y / n at this time.

"Do you need something?" she asked him and fixed him with her gaze.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping long ago?" he asked and at the same time crossed his arms over his chest.

"Mika, I could ask you that too, don't you think?" sigh y / n and slowly start piling up her notes and books together.

When Mika offered her help, she politely declined and slowly and carefully put the things on her desk.

"If you have nothing special to do, you can always keep me company, you know?"

Yes, even if there is an argument between the two, they still get along well. However, they don't seem to be as close as they used to be. Without saying anything, Mika accepted the offer and sat next to y / n.

Was that really wise?

The smell of y / n gets over his head, but he's not as easy to lose control as other vampires.

Breathing hard, Mika rubbed her eyes and hoped that this unbearable smell would go away any moment.

Easier said than done.

If only I had drunk blood in the last few days. The vampire cursed.

Y / n noticed his unusual behavior and tried to communicate with him, but to no avail. She called his name several times, tapped him on the shoulder, and shook him a little. He seems trapped in his own world. For the first time she seemed to see someone so trapped in his own world. When will he regain his senses?

Annoyed, she hit his skull with her fist, which led to a groan of pain from Mika's mouth. "What does this mean?!"

“If you are tired, please go to your room and sleep there.

Both rolled their eyes in annoyance.

"You have nothing to say to me, human."

"Oh really? What are you going to do about it, vampire?" It wasn't a mistake by y / n, but rather Mika's mistake. If he hadn't called her a human, she wouldn't have called him a vampire. Nobody except Mika knows right now how much he hates vampires and yet he is one himself, but you have to remember that he never wanted to be one. Not everyone is lucky in life.

As I said, even if it was his own fault that she reminded him, he completely lost his nerve. Slowly she approached y / n, she already felt the dark aura coming towards her. However, y / n did not want to show the fear that is in her and slowly rising above her head. She will regret it. "Repeat when you have the pity." "What is the problem? You called me human and I called you a vampire, but you know what makes me be silly, get out of here, vampire. ”Without further ulterior motives, Mika grabbed her wrist and squeezed the bones with her hand listened from print to print. When she wanted to reach for her gun, which is under her top, Mika was a second faster and threw it directly to the end of the room. When Mika immediately released his hand from Y / n's wrist, she saw an emotion in his eyes, sadness.

He was hurt, but shouldn't he care? What should a little person who plays with little guns do against a vampire, ask him about a game? However, he saw her more as a person, he saw her as someone he can love, with whom he can laugh, of course he had had these people before in his life, but they have long since disappeared. Oh how much he loves her.

If only she knew how many letters he wrote her, but never gave them to her, but hid them in his room.

"I'm really stupid." Mika muttered trembling to herself. Y / n heard it and slowly walked up to him "Mika, that was very childish of me and, to be honest, I'm sorry." When she tried to touch his shoulder, he knocked her away and looked into her eyes, it was their fault.

“I don't want your decisions! I never wanted to be a vampire! If you don't know anything about me, please be quiet and think twice before you open your door! ”The whole room went quiet, pretty quiet. It was rather uncomfortably quiet for y / n, but she preferred to keep her mouth shut because it looked like Mika was looking for the right words. "Why do I love you? Tell me Y / N, how can I love you when you hate me so much?" His voice was fragile and it was tormented to hear it that way. "Mika, I had never hated you before." Exhausted, Mika sat down on the floor and looked at the gun at the other end of the room. "Every time I see a gun like that, I hate myself even more." “Even if it sounds a bit clichéd, for example because of the current situation, I have to and want to admit that I love you Mika. You are in such pain and apparently you have torn old wounds. You didn't deserve that, nobody deserved that. ”Y / n sat like Mika on the floor and hugged him. Her warm body against his cold one. As if in slow motion, their faces stood a few inches apart until their lips met.

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏

With my hands on the back of his neck and my tongue seeking his, his fingertips dance from my thigh under my top.

Only he managed to make me shiver everywhere in a few seconds with the help of his touch. Not through his ice-cold skin, no, only through him. In keeping with the mood, the cold raindrops hit my window pane. "Waiting." he whispered to me.

Not a second later it was pitch black in my room. The butterflies in my stomach just like Mika don't know when to stop, but I love it, never let it stop! His lips kissed every inch of my skin and whispered to me how divine my body was. His hands slide up my top until it finally brushes over my head. The first item of clothing is already on the floor. My legs were around his waist so he could pick me up and lay me on my bed. When he did that, his lips were still on my skin.

As I lay down comfortably, I watched his clothes land piece by piece on the floor. His belly is built like that of a Greek god and although it is dark the moon shines on him. One could have immediately thought it was a godsend. The boxer shorts were the only items of clothing that remained. While I was about to take off my pants, Mika took my hands and indicated that he could do it himself. When my pants peeled off my skin, he looked at my legs in admiration and immediately threw my pants on the floor. Now stand half-naked in front of my bed. The red cheeks on his cheeks were clearly visible. "Are we really supposed to pull this off?" I asked Mika and looked him in the eye. His lips approached my ear and he breathed softly, "Y / n, the question is not, we should, but we can. A human and a vampire, is that a good chemistry?"

"Why don't we want to find out?" I whispered and kissed his shoulder in time. Now he looked at me again, but with clearly red cheeks you could have thought he had a fever, but I can't blame him, because even when his ice-cold body is on top of mine, my body manages to have a hot temperature.

As our tongues played with each other again, our hands explored each other's bodies. While one hand pinches my buttocks, the other is right on my bra clasp.

Moaning slightly, I also pinched his buttocks and felt my muscles tense. A low gasp left his delicate lips, which made me even weaker. My temperature rises more and more with each of his touches.

I can not stand it anymore!

He knows very well that he has the upper hand!

When my bra, like the rest of the clothes, landed on the floor, his ice-cold hands brushed my arms up to my hips and brushed the last piece of clothing across the floor.

I was breathing hard down in my zone.

His hands were on each thigh so I couldn't pinch my legs together. Apart from the horniness, I could hardly move my legs because of his strength, you can not say that he is so strong. The horniness in me is going like crazy! With every breath Mika takes against my area, the butterflies in my stomach fly crazier.

When his tongue brushed my cervix for less than a second, I let out a gasp. Immediately afterwards he pressed his tongue against it and danced with it at the same time. That I'm getting wetter is not only clear to me, but also to Mika, when he was his tongue in my entrance, she explored every single inch inside.

Overwhelmed by shame and lust, I pressed one hand against my mouth so as not to make a noise from you, and the other on his white-blonde hair.

Every time his tongue penetrated deeper and he spread my thighs wider and wider, it honestly hurt, but I don't care about that at the moment because as good as he makes me feel no one is going to do it and I want it too nobody does it because I just want them. Because I just want Mika.

When I thought it couldn't get better, I was wrong. When he started sucking, I was done. My lustful moans got louder every time I sucked, but I do my best that nobody but Mika can hear it. When he freed his tongue from the entrance again, he stuck his middle and ring finger in the next second and didn't give me a second to get used to it. The speed of his fingers is unique!

No matter how much I press my hand against my mouth, my moans stay louder.

Several times his name groaned, which only drove him to increase the speed. My orgasm is nourishing. When I groaned and said I was about to be there, he didn't stop but continued. His tongue dances on my cervix and his fingers successfully hit the G-spot every time, it's just breathtaking!

When my orgasm came, I screamed his name with relish and breathed heavily as I stared at the ceiling.

His beautiful face approached mine, but he devoted his lips to my ears and whispered, "A second round won't hurt you." Aren't my trembling legs enough for him? In the middle of the kiss, I slowly felt his member inside me, but my nails clawed behind his back in pain, we continued the kiss. Now it was Mika who groaned in the middle of the kiss. He closed his eyes and kissed my chest as his hips began to dance. Is it still normal for him to make me feel this way? Because on the one hand I can no longer, on the other hand I want more! Mika's one hand is on my thigh while the other is on my chest. The way he plays sensitive nipples is superb.

I don't know how he makes me feel so good, but I want him to never stop. "Mika, don't stop." I moaned in his ear and wrapped my legs around his waist. When he saw me, I didn't know how to feel. Because his eyes are blood red! He slowly approached my neck. That cold breath worried me even more. He didn't bite me, however, but instead scratched his designated spot with his fangs as the blood flowed from the wound, so it propelled him and made him much faster than before. The clap of our skin was just as loud as the satisfying moans from our mouths. "Y / n." he groaned my name and immediately turned me around. Now my back was visible to him. With both hands on our hips, our bodies clapped together. When I moaned his name one last time, the orgasm came, Mika pulled his member out of me and rubbed it with his hand until finally the white sperm speared out of his body.

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏

After Mika helped me cleanse my body, we are back in bed naked. "Do you think we can do it?" Mika asked out of nowhere. “I don't think so, I know, Mika. And I think you should too. "The vampire looked at me lovingly and finally kissed me on the lips and immediately afterwards whispered" Good night, y / n. " "Good night, Mika."

[viscountessevie]

What are your thoughts on the Charithra issue?

Sorry this is late anons I got sleepy halfway through and wasn't typing coherently and went down for a nap first to recharge. I AM PISSED TO WAKE UP AND FIND OUT SHE DEACTIVATED.

Moving to answering these I got another ask about this so I'll answer these two together. (will put the screenshot of the second anon below when answering that qn)

Note: that this is the last time I am going to talk about this cos everything that needs to be said has been said and she has officially deactivated so now we should all chill out with our over the top opinions and just focus on positive fandom content please.

[This got long so my response is under the cut:]

Sorry to the first anon but why was that phrased like a Presidential Debate question? 😂 Yall this is just fandom drama and toxicity not a national issue.

That being said, my heart breaks for her, it should have NEVER gotten to a point where she felt like the negativity was weighing on her so much she had to block out everyone to create a safe space for herself. And before everyone brings their arguments to my ask box, let me counter all the ones I've seen my friends and other fellow bloggers deal with:

1) "I didn't even say anything to her or send hate, why did she block me?!"

Someone mentioned that she might have used a mass blocker and I looked up what it is and basically you can read more in depth about it here. From my understanding its an AI that helps you block people using keywords so I imagine Charithra put in a couple of keywords and it somehow got linked to all the accounts that interacted with the 'hate'/critical tweets and thus blocking all of them. TDLR: Shitty AI probably blocked you for her by accident.

2) "She needs to grow thicker skin for this industry."

You can have a thick skin as an actor and still hit your limit. Why does everyone expect WOC to always expect to sit back, be strong and just take it? I'm kind of sick of this perception of us to be honest. "Ohmygod you're so strong!" Like yes but we can also be soft and have feelings like all human beings. We are all multifaceted people too. Also consider that it wasn't just the posters but comments from since the EW article dropped that have just been piling up and directed at her til now and I think she just hit a point where she couldn't take it anymore.

3) "She's being immature and unprofessional"

Let me ask those anons and people who feel this way, are you her boss? Are you her parent/friend/loved one? No, right? So she doesn't owe any of us shit! She is not being immature or unprofessional - again like I said those who haven't done anything wrong, it was probably a mistake by the AI - but the initial choice itself to block the haters WAS NOT immature or unprofessional of her. She has every right to curate what she wants to see on her feed.

4) "She should have just taken a breather from Twitter instead of going ham on the block button!"

I wasn't even going to dignify this with a counter but given that she had deactivated, yall happy? Sis took a permanent breather. As she should after what she dealt with since the EW press drop - I can't believe she was getting hate for that - twitter people can be SO VILE.

***

So those were my main thoughts on the matter. As for this second anon, thank you for your ask and to respond to it:

I want to make it clear that I do NOT blame anyone for how are they are feeling. I do not blame Charithra at all for feeling upset and negative over the posters reactions and comments coming to a head. I do not blame the fans for feeling upset about being blocked. However I do side eye the upset fans for blowing this out proportion. Yes, its frustrating not knowing why you were blocked but she immediately realised what happened and she started unblocking people and apologised (there was another thread like this where she explicitly unblocked and apologised but the tweets have been deleted with her acc and no one got a screenshot of that interaction I don't think.)

[Picture Courtesy of @peterbubblebuttparker ]

She was so sweet about it too - I don't understand why everyone started freaking out about this. We should have left it be after Charithra cleared it up with the fans and let it be instead of screaming that she blocked you.

Side-eyeing aside, the full blame falls squarely on marketing and CVD's shoulders. A lot of people have been letting CVD off the hook about marketing because they say he's not involved - then how do yall think the marketing team knows what to promote?? It's all based on his storylines and character priorities this season!

@ People who know more about advertising and marketing correct me if I'm wrong but don't creators usually sit with marketing for an initial meeting to cover the basics of what they are promoting, who they are promoting and how they are promoting it? I'm not saying he orchestrated every little thing but mans definitely had some influence over it.

And you're right anon none of this is helping Charithra at all and I hate it so much because this was my biggest fear with a love traingle that the toxic side of the fandom would pit the sisters against each other but it's so much worse cos it's mainly directed at Charithra - the actress herself instead of the character (not saying either is good but directly going afted Charithra is messed up)

It's so fucked up but I really hope deactivating has given her a sense of peace and she can enjoy herself and be excited with her friends and family for the season.

I've said my piece and if any of you guys actually read this and made it this far thank you for reading and that's all I'll be engaging on this matter. I'll be focusing on writing fics and making content for the fandom leading up to the 25th and trying not to engage in future drama.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, this is a follow-up regarding to my relationship towards my father with my career choice as an Addiction Counselor. (INTJ)

I've tried and seek a mutual understanding between us our differences and I'm starting to see why we don't eye to eye apart from our mindset. He only sees himself as the prominent figure in the household and is inconsiderate of others despite staying with us for 6 years. (He was a deadbeat before then.)

He would explain his own troubles while dismissing the needs of my mother's physical ache. Whenever she has bottled up emotions, he would brush them aside and start ranting about his coworkers much to my mother's displeasure. He would push away from my (and mom's side) of the family because he deems 'too american' for him. We would share foods over visitation with my aunts and uncles which he says makes them lazy but when the same is done for him he gradually accepts them.

One last thing I want to touch on is his lack of self-reflection. He would constantly make false promises whenever he hurts my mother (emotionally) and berates me for being me. I've talked to my mother about this situation and need to stay by her side (because she's the one who raised and been there for me for all my life) my mother doesn't want any more arguments and would just remain passive to him even though it only makes it worse. She is selfless by default and would do it for maintaining harmony even if its unhealthy ones.

I know my life is mine, but I have a duty to protect my mother and only my 2 cousins and uncle know about this situation. When push comes to shove I will eventually have to take action, if he physically harms her I will have no problem fighting him back. I know I need to do something to help my family out while pursuing my degree. What's your input on this? Thanks in advance.

-----------------------

It sounds like there are many boundary issues in your family. You want to blame your father, but relationship problems are rarely one-sided. It takes two people to create a toxic relationship dynamic.

1) Yes, due to his lack of self-reflection, he is often violating other people's boundaries, which is a big problem. 2) However, your mother does not respect and honor her own personal boundaries, which leads her to accept mistreatment from others. These two kinds of people are complementary, but in an unhealthy, codependent way.

3) There is the issue of where you fit into this situation and what kind of boundaries you need to be setting. It's admirable of you to want to protect your mother, but that shouldn't be your job. The child should not be the one parenting the parent. I know it's hard to hear, but she has a responsibility to care for herself and she has a responsibility to care for you by keeping you out of her relationship troubles with your father. I'm not sure what you can do for her when she's unwilling to do for herself. As a general rule, you shouldn't tell people what to do, make decisions for them, or live their life for them, as that would be a violation of their boundaries.

I'm afraid I don't really know what you're asking me for. Asking for "input" is too vague. While you've described the relationship between your parents, you haven't given enough information about yourself and what options are available to you. Realistically, what can you do? Be the peacemaker? Threaten him? Break them up? Advise her to stand up for herself, which would only provoke him? Try to get them professional help, which they would most likely reject?

Are you away from home now, and that's why you're more worried about it? Perhaps the only thing you can do is keep close contact with the both of them, though it might be painful for you to interact with your father so much. By keeping tabs on them and hearing about what they're up to, you may have more opportunity to get in front of any escalation of their problems. Hopefully, you can keep the fires under control until you're in a better position to put them out. If your relatives are willing to help, you can also ask them to observe and report to you.

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon