#simian class

[thegodemperorsmycopilot]

[starsfic]

Seduced

Summary: Sun Wukong decides to seduce Ironbull in order to make Xiaotian's training easier and because he misses the Demon Bull Family. I planned for this to be smut. It's not.

-_-

“Wait, you’re coming?”

“Kid, are you kidding? I’m excited to watch you, your dragon friend, and Red Son race!” Wukong yanked out another shirt and considered it. Hmm…maybe too much skin. He didn’t want to appear desperate. He stuck the outfit back into his closet and went rummaging again.

“Wait, Red Son’s coming?!” His successor’s excitement at the fact that he even had his phone number faded. “That’s bad news!”

Hm. He expected his first question to be how he even knew.

“What makes you say that, bud?”

“Well, what if he wins and gets the immortal peach? DBK’s armor is powered by powerful artifacts!”

“I really doubt that there’s much power in a simple metal trophy, bud,” Wukong said, pulling out a pair of jeans he hadn’t worn in a while. If he tied his hair back…oh, that would be so cute! “I wouldn’t be too concerned.”

There was a long pause, long enough that Wukong got dressed before his successor spoke.

“...metal trophy?”

Wait. Wait…

They should probably do a class on research next training session.

Well, hopefully, knowing him, Red Son wasn’t too disappointed by the lack of an actual immortal peach. Hopefully, Wukong mused as he did one last lookover and tugged his sweater down a bit strategically, neither would DBK and Iron Fan. It would make trying to talk to them and “talking” very difficult.

“I’ll see you at the race, bud.” Wukong hung up before his successor could finish processing what he had signed up for.

With his look down, he walked out of his bedroom. A few of his monkeys waited in the living room, perking up when he walked in. “So?” He spread his arms out, letting the group get a good look. “How do I look? Hot? Sexy?”

One of the monkeys hopped off the couch and out the window. While they waited, one of the monkeys chattered a question. “Why am I dressed up like this? Whelp!” Wukong clapped his hands together. “I’m gonna seduce DBK and Iron Fan!”

Well. Kinda. It was the back-up plan.

Look, he had missed the Demon Bull family. They had become his closest thing to a support system after the pilgrims had died. It was probably too early to try something like this, but he missed spoiling his nephew, and he missed the pleasure the couple had brought into the bedroom.

There was also the fact that he had a young successor with power he didn't fully understand and was worried that his successor might hurt himself with it.

The monkey hopped back in, pulling a pink rose blossom with them. Wukong took the offering with a smile before tucking it behind his ear.

“Hopefully, I can talk them out of conquering the world.” 

-_-

“How pathetic…”

“You’re not pathetic, my love,” his wife lovingly said, her deft fingers stroking across his skin. He missed his fur, missed the feeling of her running her fingers through it. He even missed other fingers, gently working out knots and dirt. Right now, all he could do was savor the feeling of her. “You’re just a little dumb-”

“NIU MOWANG!”

The yell made every nerve stand on end. Iron Fan yelped, whirling around, and DBK could see the anger crystalize in her eyes as a familiar cloud lowered down. A figure hopped off- a pretty young woman wearing an oversized pink sweater and comfortable white jeans- but he was no idiot. He saw the color of her ponytail, a white bow merrily bouncing, and the tail poking out.

“Sun Wukong,” he growled out, getting to his feet.

Iron Fan hefted up her fan. “How dare you show your face!”

A hurricane wind blew through the valley as his wife launched herself at the simian.

The only warning was a sigh before Wukong kicked up.

Iron Fan gasped as her fan went flying, wind whistling around the blade, before slamming into the mountain face, left upright in the dirt. She lowered back down, and DBK leaned forward, giving her a nuzzle of apology, before Wukong was right there, shedding his disguise. Irritatingly, that pink rose blossom behind his ear looked perfect. His eyes were unglamoured, revealing their true red color, and filled with a rage that… he didn’t recognize.

“What. The. Fuck.” Wukong punctuated each word with a poke to Iron Fan’s chest. “Were. You. Two. Doing?!”

“What are you doing?” Iron Fan snapped back, taking a step back to press her back against his shoulder. Wukong, however, followed. “Why are you here-”

“I came to watch the race!” Wukong snapped, his ponytail poofing up. “I wanted to cheer Xiaotian and Red Son and Xiaojiao on, and I wanted to talk to you two, so I figured you two would be there to cheer your son on.”

There was an accusation there, and DBK knew he was falling for whatever Wukong was pulling, but he had to respond. “We were there!” It wasn’t to cheer him on, but-

“Yeah. TO HUMILIATE HIM?!”

“We just needed to teach him a lesson,” Iron Fan insisted, a bead of sweat running down her brow. She was getting nervous, a sign of wisdom when it came to an enraged Sun Wukong. “He just needed a bit of crushing to understand that his ambitions aren’t feasible, that’s all.”

Wukong gaped. After a long moment, he pressed his hands together, pressing them to his lips, and slowly breathing out. He breathed in again, held it, let it out.

DBK glanced at his wife. She glanced back, nodding to the monkey like he had any clue what was going on inside his head. Why she expected him to know, he had no idea. Nobody had any idea what was going on in his head, excluding his monkeys and occasionally Macaque, and it wasn’t like they were willing to share.

“You’ve lost your son privileges.”

“...Excuse me?” his wife said.

“This? All… THIS?” Wukong gestured to them. “This is not what good and rational parents do. This is a cry for help. So,” He backflipped and landed on his nimbus cloud, glaring them down. “Until you two clean up your fucking act, Red Son will be staying with me.” 

DBK felt his jaw drop. While Wukong had occasionally stepped in to help, especially when his son was younger, he had always left the parenting to him and Iron Fan. Even if they were lovers, he had never defied the boundaries unless they willed it. This was fully destroying the boundary.

“You’re bluffing,” Iron Fan scoffed, levitating up and coming to rest on his shoulder. “My son would never allow it.” He could feel her shiver- even if he wouldn’t allow it, Wukong was strong enough to not give him a choice

Wukong didn’t respond in words. Instead, he simply raised a brow and pulled out a chair. He blew on it and a clone popped up, ready and waiting for attention. “Go to the foundry and Jade Cloud Mountain,” he said and the clone nodded, poofing up a notepad and pen. “Red Son will need a toolkit, about twenty pencils and pens each, a pencil sharpener, enough clothes for at least six months-”

Oh gods he wasn’t bluffing.

-_-

“Fine. Fine!”

Wukong paused at the listing. The rage wasn’t quelled, not yet, but he was just a bit confused at his former sworn brother’s snap.

“Husband?” Iron Fan said.

“If we apologize to him, will you calm down?”

Wukong raised a brow. “Is that seriously how you’re putting it?”

DBK stiffened, his eyes darting back and forth between him and the clone. “...no.” he said finally. He turned, and Iron Fan grabbed his horn to steady herself before he began to march off. Wukong felt his brow stay as he followed behind on his nimbus, ready to swoop in if DBK did anything ridiculous.

Soon, the starting point appeared. It looked like a combination of Xiaotian and Long Xiaojiao had won, based on the large picture of them screaming being projected. A crowd had gathered around the winning podium, except for a wide gap, where Red Son was yelling at the two. Xiaojiao looked faintly amused while Xiaotian cradled the trophy to his chest.

“-and I totally- Father!”

Iron Fan pulled away as DBK stood there, seeming to study his son as the redhead started to sputter what sounded like excuses and apologies for not winning. Then, he knelt, pressing his forehead to the tarmac.

“Father?!” Red sputtered, his hair sparking, as the crowd gasped. “What are you-”

“I am sorry for attempting to undercut your ambitions. I have not been providing you with the same grace that you have been providing me- when I…” DBK paused, as if he was looking for a word that wasn’t “buried.” He finally sighed. “When I awoke, I was placing an image of you that no longer existed onto you and expecting you to play along. I am deeply sorry for that.”

Wow. Wukong hadn’t expected DBK to actually apologize.

Iron Fan, based on her sputter when DBK looked back, didn’t either. She did roll her eyes and kneel. “I am…sorry,” she practically spat out. “I am sorry for placing such high expectations-”

Wukong quietly cleared his throat and beckoned the clone.

Iron Fan looked up and visibly paled. She returned her gaze to the tarmac. “- and not fully explaining what I wanted,” she continued, actually sounding honest. “I took some pleasure in it, because I thought that it would make sure you would never leave.” Her annoyed expression faded with each word, replaced by a look of bafflement.

…huh?

Red didn’t seem to notice the strange logic. He stared at his parents like he had never seen them before, and, yep, those were tears beading up. Thankfully, it didn’t seem like he needed to prompt anyone, because Xiaotian took a step forward. 

“Are…are you okay?”

“Yes!” Red screeched, tears beading up as he looked away to hide them, seeming to forget how they turned to steam.

His successor and his friend exchanged looks. She spoke up, a sympathetic smile forming. “Do you want a hug?”

“...maybe!”

She held out her arms and Red leaned into them, never quite uncrossing his arms. Xiaotian wrapped an arm on his other side. Wukong felt his heart melt slightly as Red relaxed, just a bit. He pulled out his phone and sent a bit of cash to Xiaotian’s account, sending him a text just to be safe. It looked like they needed a friendship outing.

He turned and left, not noticing the couple watch him leave.

(When the message arrived later that night, he noticed.)

-_-

The ice cream outing had been…surprisingly pleasant, all things considered.

Neither of the peasants had said much about his tears. Instead, the dragon girl had jabbed him into a conversation about vehicles and the Noodle Boy had asked him about ancient ice cream. If they weren’t enemies of his clan, Red admitted to himself as he entered the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab some juice, he would’ve wanted to do it again. 

“Good morning.”

“Good morn-” Red paused. He ran that through his mind again. The juice slipped from his fingers as he whirled around.

Sun Wukong sat at the table with a cup of tea. He looked exhausted, his fur messy, and he wore a white shirt that had definitely been bought for his father. As he raised the cup to his lips, he waved.

“Wha- HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!” Red sputtered, looking around for any signs of damage. It wouldn’t be the first time his uncle had surprised them at breakfast, with usually a door broken (and repaired before he left) or a window shattered. At the very least, he would be polite enough to set off a trap. But as he looked around, he realized there wasn’t any signs of a break in. “You shouldn’t be here!”

“Bud,” Wukong sighed, his voice whisper soft and cracking slightly. “Please, talk a bit more quietly. Your parents kept me up all night.”

“What, fighting?” A horrible thought occurred and Red Son reared back, letting his flames roar up. He held his fists up, very determined in that moment to defend himself. “What did you do to them-”

“My son, please, not so early.”

Relief crashed over him like a tsunami. He whirled around in time to see his mother and father walk in. His relief died when he took in their states- his mother’s hair was also messy and her neat pajamas were hastily thrown on. His father looked to be covered in-

Dots connected.

Oh no. Nope.

“I’M MOVING OUT!” he yelled, turning and marching out of the room and his parents, who have for some reason lost their minds and slept with the fucking simian. Nope! He had to deal with this crap as a young child, he wasn’t doing it again!

“YOU AND XIAOJIAO SHOP AT THE SAME MECHANIC’S!” Wukong called after him. “SHE AND XIAOTIAN ARE THERE TODAY! TAKE SOME CASH FROM MY PURSE!”

…well, Red admitted, turning and heading to his parents’ bedroom. He couldn’t resist an offer like that.

Hopefully, it was just a one-time offer.

Right?

[thecreaturecodex]

Sabreclaw

Image © TSR Inc.

[The sabreclaw first appeared in Sabre River, a Basic D&D module, and then was reprinted in the Creature Catalogue. And then in the Mystara Monstrous Compendium for AD&D, which is where this art appears. The sabreclaw is clearly an attempt to fill the design need of making minions challenging to high level characters, which is where their cumulative defenses came in. Since AC is much more scalable in 3.x and Pathfinder than it is in earlier or later editions, I gave it cumulative offenses as well. I did tone down its nastiest ability; originally, all members of a wing fully share hit points, so none of them die unless all of them die. Combine that with an immunity to 1st-3rd level spells in the original, and every fight with these is gonna be a bit of a slog. The transfer health ability is intended to capture some of that flavor without being nearly so hostile to the players]

Sabreclaw CR 3 LE Aberration This humanoid creature has greasy black fur over its body and leathery wings growing from its back. Its face is distorted, rugose and vaguely simian. Its left hand is prehensile, but its right is taken up with a single oversized claw.

Sabreclaws are unnatural creatures, created through fleshwarping to be soldiers without goals or desires of their own. Sabreclaws are found in squads, called wings, almost exclusively; a lone sabreclaw is likely to be the survivor of a destroyed wing, and is usually desperate, insane or both. Sabreclaws do not have a functional individual identity—they think of themselves as agents of their creator, and view other members of their wing the same way typical creatures think of their arms and legs as parts of themselves.

Sabreclaw wings fight en masse, dive-bombing a target and tearing them to pieces with their namesake claws. Their tactics are usually uncreative, but effective: gang up on a single target until it stops moving, move onto the next one. The more sabrewings are clustered together, the more effective combatants they become, and a sabrewing can even relay hit points to a wounded comrade to keep them in the fight longer. Whether a sabreclaw wing retreats to choose its battles, or goes out in a blaze of glory, depends more on the desires of their master than it does any tactical sense or personal choice for the sabrewings.

Unlike many fleshwarped monster, sabreclaws are created from non-sapient creatures, namely baboons. They are always made in batches—if a single sabreclaw awakens without a wing to call its own, it lashes out violently and uncontrollably. Fledgling fleshwarpers may view using animals to create fleshwarps as a lesser evil than transforming humanoids, but few creators are resolute enough to remain at that level of mad science. Indeed, sabreclaws are often used to gather “raw materials” by their masters. Sabreclaws are carnivorous, but require much less food and water than natural creatures of their size.

Sabreclaw CR 3 XP 800 LE Medium aberration Init +5 (+9 with hive mind); Senses darkvision 60 ft., Perception +8 (+12 with hive mind), true seeing

Defense AC 15, touch 12, flat-footed 13 (+1 Dex, +1 dodge, +3 natural) hp 27 (5d8+5) Fort +2, Ref +2, Will +6 Immune poison; SR 14 Defensive Abilities cumulative defenses, evasion

Offense Speed 30 ft., fly 90 ft. (poor) Melee claw +6 (1d12+4) Special Attacks cumulative offenses, powerful charge (claw, 2d12+4)

Statistics Str 17, Dex 13, Con 13, Int 6, Wis 14, Cha 2 Base Atk +3; CMB +6; CMD 18 Feats Dodge, Improved Initiative, Mobility, Outflank (B), Precise Strike (B) Skills Fly +4, Perception +8 (+12 with hive mind), Stealth +7 Languages Common (cannot speak), telepathy 120 ft. (other sabreclaws only) SQ hive mind, transfer health

Ecology Environment any land Organization solitary, wing (2-20) or army (21-200) Treasure incidental

Special Abilities Cumulative Defenses (Su) A sabreclaw gains a +1 insight bonus to Armor Class and saving throws for every 2 sabreclaws in range of its telepathy, to a maximum of +5 for 10 sabreclaws. Cumulative Offenses (Su) A sabreclaw gains a +1 morale bonus to attack and damage rolls for every 2 sabreclaws in range of its telepathy, to a maximum of +5 for 10 sabreclaws. Hive Mind (Ex) As long as a sabreclaw is within telepathic range of one allied sabreclaw, it gains a +4 racial bonus on Initiative checks and Perception checks. If at least one sabreclaw is aware of combatants, all other allied sabrewings within the range of its telepathy are also aware of them. Transfer Health (Su) As an immediate action, a sabreclaw can lose 5 hit points in order to heal another sabreclaw within range of its telepathy 5 hit points. True Seeing (Su) A sabreclaw can see as if under the effects of a true seeing spell as a supernatural ability.

[aeshnacyanea2000]

Salzella knew the orang-utan, and among the things he knew was that, if the Librarian wanted to sit somewhere, then that was where he sat. But he was a first-class organist, Salzella had to admit. His lunchtime recitals in the Great Hall of Unseen University were extremely popular, especially since the University's organ had every single sound-effect that Bloody Stupid Johnson's inverted genius had been able to contrive. No one would have believed, before a pair of simian hands had worked on the project, that something like Doinov's romantic Prelude in G could be rescored for Whoopee Cushion and Squashed Rabbits.

-- Terry Pratchett - Maskerade

[gallifreyinstituteforlearning]

sooo. the untempered schism. they say some people are inspired, some run away, and some go mad. the latter certainly happened to the master, and all three likely happened to the doctor.

my question is this: how and when was that thing discovered? why and when did a tradition of plopping little kids in front of it start? seems pretty odd, though i wouldn’t know. as my friend says, i have a “startlingly similar mind to my simian ancestors.” (things are going great on that front, by the way. he’s jury-rigged some sort of space radio and is trying to make contact with a distant tardis while i distract the authorities. fun times!)

What is the Untempered Schism?

The Untempered Schism is a naturally occurring (maybe) rift in space-time located on Gallifrey, specifically in a crater called the Caldera near the Capitol. It allows anyone standing in front of it to see the raw, unfiltered Time Vortex.

The Tenth Doctor called it a "gap in the fabric of reality", which is very well could be, but it also could be more of an open wound.

🧬 When Was It Discovered?

The answer depends on whether you like your timelines neat or nightmarish.

One theory is that the Schism predates the Time Lords entirely—formed naturally (or by the mysterious Constructors of Destiny) billions of years before Gallifrey was Gallifrey.

Another theory states that the Caldera—and by extension the Schism—was created during the 'Anchoring of the Thread,' a key event during which Rassilon activated the Eye of Harmony. In the resulting metaphysical whiplash, creatures from another universe (the Yssgaroth) punched through, destroying the anchoring machinery and ripping open the Caldera, leaving the Schism as a kind of open wound.

So either:

It's an ancient feature of the planet.

It's a side effect of the Time Lords messing with things.

It's both. Because on Gallifrey, that's allowed.

👶 Why Show It to Children?

Now we get to the really sound educational philosophy.

From the time of the Dark Times onward, the Schism was part of an initiation ceremony for young Gallifreyans entering the Academy. At the age of eight, they were marched (in total silence) to stand before the Schism.

If a child failed to reach the Schism on foot (the walk was long, silent, through some pretty hot terrain while wearing thick ceremonial robes), they were carried back to live out their life in shame.

If they made it, reaction options included:

Being inspired. (Top of the class, probably ended up important.)

Running away. (The Doctor. Also several others, see below.)

Going mad. (Take your pick.)

Earlier in Gallifrey's history, this 'initiation' was more literal: some children were thrown into the Schism, which resulted in their physical form being 'splintered' across time and space, so you can see why the practice was phased out, wisely replacing being splintered across eternity with traumatising exposure therapy.

🧠 Does It Actually Do Anything?

That depends on your definition of 'do'. Some Gallifreyan historians credit the Schism with accelerating Gallifreyan evolution, claiming that long-term exposure to the Time Vortex nudged their species toward what would become Time Lords. This is all very noble and mythic and not peer-reviewed.

That's more long-term speculative biology than immediate function, though. Practically, it's a pedagogical sledgehammer. The Schism isn't about unlocking latent potential so much as confronting children with the scope of their future duties.

You see, staring into the Vortex through the Schism is the first time a young Gallifreyan truly understands what it means to wield time.

For a human comparison, it's like showing a human toddler a live feed of all global crises, climate collapse, death, war, the heat death of the universe, and then saying, 'Deal with it!'

🧒 Why Keep Doing It?

You'd think, after several notable figures went spectacularly mad, they might re-evaluate the curriculum. They didn't.

The ceremony survived billions of years, regime changes, and at least one apocalypse. Even after the Time War, Gallifrey was still hauling Drylands kids to stare into the Vortex.

🏫 So…

The Untempered Schism's origins are a little murky, but it's most certainly a cultural trauma engine. It may have existed before the Time Lords. It may have been caused by their first act of time-tampering. Either way, it became one of their most sacred traditions, because nothing says educational excellence like a psychosis roulette wheel for eight-year-olds.

Related:

💬|📱🕸️What does the Web of Time look like?: Overview on the Web of Time and its relevance.

💬|🏡🌀Do Chapter traits affect how kids respond to the Untempered Schism?: How your pre-programmed chapter traits may impact how you react to the Schism.

💬|🪐🚪Would the Untempered Schism still exist if Gallifrey was destroyed?: What would happen to the Schism in the event of Gallifrey’s destruction.

Hope that helped! 😃

Any orange text is educated guesswork or theoretical. More content ... →📫Got a question? | 📚Complete list of Q+A and factoids →📢Announcements |🩻Biology |🗨️Language |🕰️Throwbacks |🤓Facts → Features: ⭐Guest Posts | 🍜Chomp Chomp with Myishu →🫀Gallifreyan Anatomy and Physiology Guide (pending) →⚕️Gallifreyan Emergency Medicine Guides →📝Source list (WIP) →📜Masterpost If you're finding your happy place in this part of the internet, feel free to buy a coffee to help keep our exhausted human conscious. She works full-time in medicine and is so very tired 😴

[imsparky2002]

Miraculous Animal AU

Hey everyone! Just thought I'd introduce an AU that will feature for JuleRose July. It's an AU where everyone is an ordinary animal on a special farm. Today we'll look at the Akuma Class (along with some extras)

Marinette the Ladybug - A lively yet clumsy lil ladybug who doesn't let her small stature prevent her in helping her friends. She's needed for making sure the farm's crops are healthy and loves munching on aphids and nectar. She's always flitting around, looking for inspiration for her designs, even if they are incredibly tiny.

Adrien the Cat - A kind and curious cat with golden fur. A total cinnamon roll, Adrien's always there to lend a paw. He can be a bit naive about the world at times, which can get him into trouble. He absolutely adores Marinette, as well as his fellow mates Kagami and Luka. Give him some catnip, and he shows a more wild side!

Alya the Fox - Alya is a crafty and corageous fox who's always yipping about news she heard from the other farms nearby. Farmer Caline even set up a little blog for her to report her findings. Unfortunately, humans can't understand her yet. She often finds herself debunking Lila's fibs. She also cares deeply for her turntable-loving turtle Nino.

Nino the Turtle - Slow and steady is Nino's motto. He's as chillaxed as they come and doesn't mind taking his time. The turtle thinks of himself as a DJ, which really means he likes climbing onto the record player and spinning on it. If he needs to unwind, he'll often pop into his shell.

Chloe the Bee - Chloe is always buzzing around flaunting her status as a queen bee, even if she's a a lowly worker. She can be full of herself and snobby at times, but get to know her and you'll see she can be sweet as the honey she produces. Her mate Lila knows this firsthand. When she's not flying around with her sister Zoe or racing for pollen and nectar with Marinette, she likes to fly into rich human's parties.

Max the Horse - Only a tad larger than a pony, Max is more of a nerdhorse than a workhorse. You'll often find him trotting around, either trying to make an invention or nudging his special ball while neighing about something dorky. He's not too much of a fan of people riding him, but he won't buck you off unless you harm him. Otherwise you'll just get an annoyed snort. The only creatures he lets ride him are his two mates, Kim and Ondine.

Alix the Bunny - Easly the fastest in the farm, Alix is a cocky and energetic rabbit who's tasked with the job of keeping track of time. She makes sure everybody's present for a meeting or for bedtime. Despite being pint-sized, she packs a mean kick and will school her friends in parkour.

Kim the Monkey - A mischevious and cheeky simian, Kim often sneaks out of the farm for some monkey business. He loves playing pranks on his friends, usually escaping by swinging on special bars and vines created by Farmer Caline. He's also quite athletic, meaning he and Ivan often build up their strength together. He happens to love and cherish not just Max, but also a heron by the name of Ondine, who flies in every now and again.

Mylene the Mouse - A timid and talented little mouse, Mylene often scurries aroud the farm, observing things that her bigger friends may have missed. She loves vegan cheese and the stage, and puts on little shows for the others. It's here where she stops being so shy and stands out from the crowd. Juleka and Adrien care for the mouse, but also love chasing her. She finds it fun, knowing they wouldn't harm her, and even pops in their mouth so that they can carry her when she's tired.

Ivan the Ox - A burly ox with a gentle soul. Ivan's the main bodyguard of the farm and is always practicing his headbutting. He loves to graze and listens to heavy metal music through the record player. Ivan and Mylene are mates, always taking time to snuggle or nudge eachother. He's very protective of his friends as well, especially Nathaniel, as a fellow horned mammal.

Sabrina the Dog - A loyal dog and a faithful assistant, Sabrina's always got a watchful eye on the farm. She and the felines love to chase eachother, and Sabrina often works with Max on keeping track of the farm's resources. She's always there to be Zoe and Cosette's right-hand girl, as they are her close friends. Still, she can't resist when one of her friends throws a stick or tells her to roll over.

Juleka the Tiger - A majestic purple tiger with a love for darkness, goth stuff and meat. She's quite timid, and it takes a lot for her to let out more than a quiet growl. Still she can't help but roar with joy whenever her favorite pig waddles into her arms. Her and Rose are mates and she often protects the little oinker from harm. She also likes to model tiny hats from Marinette, and going for a swim in the water.

Rose the Pig - A perky perfume-loving pig. For Rose, an awesome day is when she gets to roll in mud, smell Farmer Caline's perfume, and dig into a nice bowl of slop. She also loves Juleka and they'll often sing songs together, even if it comes out in the form of squeals and roars. It's very hard to put a frown on her face. She also sneaks out to go to fast food chains, oinking at them to stop eating her species.

Nathaniel the Goat - Nathaniel is a goat with a love for art and those funny books that Farmer Caline leaves out. He's more keen to munch on a tin can and lovingly headbutt Marc than take part in the farm's more wacky adventures. Often the snarker of the group, Nathaniel's always there to clean the land in the farm and bump people to show affection. He's also a huge fan of art, and bleats with joy whenever he sees a painting, inspired to make one himself.

Marc the Rooster - Marc's crows wake everyone up in the morning, but he's not usually a screamer. An anxious and skittish rooster, Marc's always staying close to someone. He's always watching for potential predators or if other birds from Farmer Olga, Farmer Alonzo and Farmer Dahlia's groups come by. He loves to write, and is always clucking and flicking a book. He and Nathaniel have a comic together, which is really just Nathaniel's hoofprints from dipped paint, and Marc pecking little rips into the paper. The others love it and think it's a masterpiece.

Luka the Snake - A relaxed and musical viper, Luka loves to slither around the farm, usually resolving conflicts or sharing his songs with others. He and Juleka see eachother as twins, since they were born in the very same barnstall. He often hisses words of wisdom to his sister and loves to coil around Marinette, Adrien and Kagami, his mates. He, Ivan, Juleka and Rose have a "band", but really it's just the group of them making noise with their mouths and bodies.

Kagami the Komodo Dragon - Though she may be cold-blooded like Luka, they both share a warm heart for their mates and friends. Kagami often crawls around the farm, practicing her fencing skills with a small stick in her mouth. A stoic, she feels as though it is more important to keep calm and carry on. Though she does get a bit competitive and will easily agree to dares put on by Kim and Alix.

Lila the Chameleon- The shapeshifter in the group, Lila likes to tell tall-tales when she feels insecure about herself. She also has an adorable rivalry with Alya, which to humans, just looks like the two of them flicking their tongues and yipping, while their mates nudge at them to stop. She likes messing with Marinette, since her reactions make the chameleon giggle. Still, she cares deeply for her friends and especially her mate.

This took some time to think of, but I'm happy with the result! Stay tuned for Ondine and the other Science Kids, then the Recess Kids and finally the Theatre Kids! Make sure to comment, reblog and like for more! @artzychic27 @msweebyness @nerd-chocolate

[dailycharacteroption]

Races Among the Stars 11: Maraquoi

On the Brethedan moon of Marata, known for its dry yet lush forests, lives a sapient species with a deep connection to the land and one of the most unique reproductive systems I’ve ever seen in science fiction. I present the monkey-like Maraquoi.

These simians sport a total of seven sexes (which must make the transgender and nonseptary options absolutely bananas), three to impregnate a fourth, which then implants the gestating embryo into the fifth to gestate, who then hands the born child to the sixth, nursing and carrying them in a pouch. Meanwhile, the seventh provides a constant psychic influence that helps the young of the develop at all stages.

These genders, called ilsha, qsha, susha, uisha, klsha, mesha, and zysha respectively, represent a reproductive system which I can only describe as fascinating, the sheer biological implications of what sort of evolutionary pressures led to such a convoluted gestation boggle the mind.

No matter how it came about, the nature of that cycle informs many aspects of the hunter-gatherer society that the majority of their kind prefer, one that they seek to preserve as they fight against corporations trying to exploit the bounty of their home, both legalistically, and very literally.

Maraquoi resemble fully bipedal monkeys with tails, with one distinctly non-mammalian feature in the form of their eyes, which are compound eyes similar to insects. They also lack ears, instead using their entire bodies to sense audio stimuli. Additionally, their various genders have their own forms of sexual dimorphism, with kisha and meshas being stouter, zysha being taller and willowy, uisha having shorter tails, and ilsha, qsha, and susha having distinct fur patterns unique to their genders.

Given how every single gender of this species is required for reproduction, it should come as no surprise that the maraquoi abhor violence and warfare, treating them as last resorts. After all, any one conflict could result in both sides losing all members of a particular gender, dooming themselves to extinction. Factor in how scarce resources can be in the deserts beyond their forests, and we can see a species that disdains rash decisions.

That being said, they also stand their ground in what they believe in, and the species is currently divided into two camps, the former being eager to become part of the galactic community, while the latter wish nothing to do with it and desire to return to the hunter-gatherer society that has been traditional since time immemorial. Both agree that they cannot let offworld corporations take advantage of them, but they disagree on how to do so. Expansionists insist that becoming a part of the Pact Worlds proper will help secure their rights in the future, while traditionalists seek to refuse all outside contact as they did in ancient times with other interstellar visitors.

Maraquoi boast the toughness of a species that thrives with minimal water and the wisdom of tradition, however, they lack the speed and agility of other species.

Their whole bodies are sensitive to sound and vibration, allowing them to sense nearby creatures based on subtle audio cues.

As simian creatures, maraquoi are quite adept climbers as well.

Their compound eyes are also well-suited for seeing in low-light conditions.

With hunting being an integral part of their culture, maraquoi learn the basics of survival from an early age.

Their tails are fully prehensile as well, acting as a crude third limb to not just aid in climbing, but hold additional equipment.

Tough as they are, maraquoi are well-suited for tanky roles such as vanguard or nanocyte, as well as beefy builds with soldier, solarian, and evolutionist. That survival mentality also makes them adept as scout operatives despite the dex penalty as well. On that note, their wisdom means mystic is the preferred casting class, especially with their ancestral worship and traditions, but others are perfectly viable as well. Among those eager to explore the new technologies being made available to them, biohacker (especially intuitive ones) and mechanic are good possibilities, as are envoys eager to explore new horizons. Their weakness of dexterity means ranged builds will have problems, but not insurmountable ones, especially since their climbing and tail make them well-suited for attacking from unexpected angles.

And that does it for today, but next time, we have a blast from Golarion’s past, particularly from the city that shares a name with Absalom Station!

[lint-beetle4]

Fleeting Memories (ShadowPeach Angst & Fluff)

I've been waiting for so long to write this! Thank you for the request!!

Fun Fact: I have class in 4 minutes

Also, Mild Gore Warning

The journey was long, arduous, and even painful, if Wukong was being honest.

Yet, despite it all, Wukong had grown more through the short time they spent together. Trial after trial, Wukong slowly learned to be more compassionate, more considerate, and more patient. He was growing to fit the title he'd made for himself, and to that, as their journey approached an end, a bittersweet feeling had crawled into Wukong's chest and decided the settle there.

It was the bitterness that flowed through his blood as Wukong fought against his greatest friend, his brother, his second-in-command.

The Great Sage had never seen his friend so upset...so hateful.

It was a sorrowful sight, something Wukong never wished upon the person who he tried to keep close to. After the war, Wukong never saw Macaque, not when he was cast from the monk's group, nor when he regrouped his fallen soldiers and subjects and rebuilt his kingdom. His subjects spoke of the shadow demon, how he was fueled with rage and grief.

Oh, how it hurt to Sage to hear how his comrade tried so hard to save the immortal monkeys from the trappers and hunters who tormented the fallen kingdom, how Macaque continued to fight battle after battle, protecting the fragile island from the devastating fires of Erlang Shen.

Yet, the past was washed away, Wukong and Macaque's final parting words had created a divide, only for them to be united in a battle that breathed finality.

"Macaque, don't make me do this!"

The darker simian didn't respond, his cackling ringing through Wukong's ears as the sage threw blow after blow, defending the monk and his new brothers. Macaque's laughter turned into pained yelps and shouts, he was losing, but the shadow demon refused to stop, and Wukong felt his heart steal itself for the final blow.

Macaque laid on the ground, bleeding profusely and limp. His pained breaths inhaled with a final shout, a final plead for Wukong to just listen. Yet, Wukong couldn't hear him anymore, Macaque's voice turning sour in his ears as he lifted his staff.

"Wait, Wukong, stop--"

Crunch.

Ringing filled the air, Wukong's blood pumped through his body, deafening him as Macaque went limp with a resounding gurgle ending into a wet sigh.

He was dead.

But, his eye looked directly at him. His mouth kept moving. Wukong could hear everyone in the distance, but Macaque's voice stood in front of him.

"...Wukong."

'Forgive me.'

"Wukong--!"

'Please close your eyes. Rest.'

"Wukong!"

'The battle is over. It's done. Let him rest.'

"Oh, to all the gods, Wukong. Wake up!"

Wukong sat up with a gasp, air running through him as if nothing more but a fleeting memory. It hurt.

Wukong's eyes flickered through his sleeping quarters, tidy yet clearly loved. Shadows flickered through the corners as Wukong snapped his head to his side, seeing Macaque--alive, finally alive.

Macaque was disheveled in front of Wukong, his mane tussled with what seemed like sleep and high winds.

Wukong couldn't focus on it much, his eyes tightly shut as his nightmares gripped at his mind with a strength he hadn't felt in centuries.

The darker simian seemed concerned, his voice whispering too low to reach through the growing trembles and pounding of Wukong's heart. Yet, the sight of him was heavenly enough, honey pouring through air, warming the way it stabbed in his chest.

In the back of his mind, Wukong heard sobs-- pitiful, heavy sobs--in the air as Macaque's voice continued to futilely speak.

Couldn't the fool see Wukong was currently too occupied to listen properly?

His chest clenched painfully, Wukong curling into himself with a whimper that ran like grease through his body. He felt ashamed to be in such a state, to be shaking and crying out for a past like an abandoned cub in fire-scorched forests. Macaque's hands hovered above him, and despite everything, Wukong flinched hard.

Macaque pulled away, his mouth shutting as his eyes merely softened at the sight of the King.

"Wukong."

Macaque's voice was clear, and by the gods, Wukong heard every ounce of love in it. He missed it so much; he missed him so much. Wukong sobbed again, tears dampening his fur as the sage grit his teeth, trying to quiet the noises that bothered him so.

"Wukong--Look at me."

Desperation, only pure desperation in that honey-filled voice, deep and clinging to Wukong's ears like a lifeline. Wukong obeyed blindly, Macaque's eyes examining Wukong carefully.

"You're in your house right now--it's empty, despite the fact that you have hoard stashes in your closet. But, you're not there anymore, and I'm here."

Wukong still felt tears pouring down his face, the air stinging his cheeks. He felt Macaque get closer, arms now confidently around Wukong's shoulders in a hug that Wukong swore he forgot the feeling of.

"I'm here now. I'm not leaving."

"You won't leave..? Promise me--please--that you won't leave me here like this." Wukong sobbed, sinking his head into Macaque's soft fur, the scent of fruit still surrounding him with bitter nostalgia.

Macaque shook his head, arms tightening around Wukong as the shadow demon spoke with a thick, broken voice. "I promise. I'll be right here."

Wukong's trembling increased as his sobs jolted through his body. He half felt bad about ruining Macaque's fur like this--the ginger monkey knew how pridefully Macaque took his appearance. Yet, the night continued on, Wukong's tears eventually drying as his trembling settled into a fatigued weakness. Macaque never left, only whispering words that covered Wukong like a silk blanket in the cool night.

"Thank you," Wukong shuddered, lifting his head to look at the strangely calm Macaque. "Thank you so much."

"Go to sleep, Peaches. You look terrible."

Macaque shook his head, a fond smile that Wukong reciprocated.

The two laid down, Macaque never letting go of Wukong as the latter buried his head into Macaque's chest with a weak grin.

"Goodnight, Peaches. I love you."

Wukong fell asleep with warmth through his body, the past drifting away as nothing more than a bad nightmare.

The sun rose, burning Wukong's eyelids as it forced the king to rise. He could always count on its light to pierce through any dream he could've had. The warmth around Wukong had left, it seems, leaving him chilled.

Macaque left, Wukong sighed to himself, looking away from the blinding light that cast away the shadows of the night.

The house felt cold despite the warm glow of the sun.

[idkagoodblogname1]

elmore jr high must have some of the most dedicated construction workers because that place gets WRECKED almost everyday like

-in Miss. Simian's class alone about half the students have destroyed the school in some part, some on multiple occasions. most of these kids also have destructive powers and/or anger issues

-the staff have also willingly encouraged destroying the school in episodes like the stories

-a huge majority of the school has been destroyed and almost no corner left untouched

-don't even start on how many windows have been destroyed

-students regularly fight and end up destroying the school too

we need an elmore jr high destruction list

[slime-sandwhich-nom]

Is Gumball an abject loser completely incapable of doing anything for himself?

No, not really.

He is very much capable to take care of himself pretty well for a 12, aside from a job that he obviously can't have because of his age, he's good.

He knows how to cook,

He is pretty independent and can go places without the need of an adult,

Can do the groceries by himself if he really needs to and!

can clean after himself.

aside from these, gumball seems to be able to pass school without a worry (despite failing all of his classes. Assuming miss simian lets him pass so he gets out of her hair faster.), make friends and make decisions for himself.

[diamondnokouzai]

The Facts of the Case:

THE WATTERSON FAMILY:

Nicole and Richard Watterson, 30s. Richard is a pink stay-at-home rabbit dad and seems to have some kind of intellectual disability, severe enough for it to be sort of a "I Am Sam" situation; Nicole is a blue cat employed with customer complaints. Due to being a single-income family with three dependents and numerous medical and legal costs incurred by Richard's disability. Nicole also has anger issues; the relationship is certainly toxic, if not outright abusive.

Gumball Watterson, age 12. A blue cat who seems to have ADHD and transfeminine tendencies (He wore his mom's wedding dress for his whole day and his contrived nickname was just...his name, occasionally crossdresses in pretend games, has feminine hobbies, has expressed the thought at puberty (voice changes, looking more like his father, etc.)). Has poor grades in school, possibly trauma-related (after his "Granny Jojo" kissed him on the lips, Gumball dumpster dove (among other, more disgusting things) in order to forget; counselors have attempted to put their spit on his buttocks after counselor spat in his hands); as his teacher is the elderly “Miss Simian”, he may associate her stern behavior with painful responses at home. Has been the victim of bullying in the past, is self-admittedly “spineless”, but still seems to have an inflated ego. Emotionally late in development. Physically unfit and unmotivated; occasional auto-masochistic tendencies? A victim of bullying at school. The school nurse has sworn deposition that Miss Simian “tortured” Gumball and Darwin in an afterschool detention, including throwing cough syrup on the children.

Darwin (II) Watterson, age 10. A goldfish who grew legs and doesn’t wear pants. Alternately described as a foster son and a pet. Seems happy with this status, but seems delusionally happy with everything in his life (led Gumball’s aforementioned dumpster diving, speaks to rats on the street, hallucinates faces on trees). There are occasional references to “Gumball I”, a dead fish. Inadequate sleeping arrangements (sleeps in an undersized goldfish tank; needs a higher capacity tank. Financial assistance for this pending approval.) Seems approving of Gumball’s transfemininity. Advanced? (Enrolled in the same class as Gumball, possibly due to Elmore being underfunded and having mixed grades.)

Anais Watterson, age 4. An extremely advanced (she seems to be more intelligent and responsible than her father) pink bunny who seems desperate for approval. Stifled by her family, but she insists that she loves them (her family often infantilizes her and rarely listen to her needs and wants). Gets along well with her family.

All three

The aforementioned will now be referred to as THE WATTERSONS. THE WATTERSONS would like it to be noted that they are currently in debt (anywhere from $800,000 to the upper millions) and embroiled in other legal difficulties (see Legal Difficulties of The Watterson Family, Dr. Jennifer Strauss, Columbia Press, 2011) due to Richard’s and Gumball’s disabilities.

THE WATTERSONS described above is related legally to “Granny Jojo”, an elderly pink bunny and the mother of Richard. Stifled Richard to the point that she may have contributed to his mental disabilites. In a controlling relationship with her husband.

There are two principal incidents involving “Granny Jojo”. The first is referred to in documents and by the family as THE DRESSING ROOM INCIDENT; it involved “a shut door that was not a ‘locked’ door”, a dressing room [small cubicle for trying on clothing at a clothing store], and Granny Jojo (hereafter GJ). Mentions of said incident cause Gumball Watterson (hereafter GW) to shudder in disgust, and he moves on quickly from the subject. The second incident is focused on in great detail and is the subject of this case.

In the second incident, GJ kissed GW on the lips when she came to visit the family. Nicole and Richard left before Richard’s mother arrived, as was customary (they frequently left looking harried, once with Richard in the trunk of the family vehicle). GJ ordered Anais to take her luggage upstairs without helping her and sat down on the sofa to watch “her shows” according to Darwin. The luggage was later thrown out of the front window.

Gumball was frozen in catatonia on the street after this incident without Granny Jojo noticing. Gumball expressed his verbal discomfort to Darwin, who encouraged GW to “forget about it” and “find his happy place”, Darwin was later seen speaking to non-sentient rodents, dollar bills, and trash. When GW could not forget the incident, Darwin led GW through a series of insulting and publicly humiliating incidents—he was forced to dumpster dive, forced to ingest his father’s bodily fluids (without Richard’s knowledge), and forced between a classmate’s toes (Hector, a 90 foot tall yeti). Over the course of these few days, GJ did not notice or report GW’s absence. Once he had finally forgotten the incident, he returned home days later as GJ was leaving the residence. GJ then kissed GW on the lips again, rendering him catatonic on the streets again for an unknown amount of time. When Nicole and Richard returned, they did not notice GW’s state and left him on the street as night fell.

The evidence as it stands:

Nicole is married to a man (equivalent) with severe intellectual disabilities; presumably he is drawing on social assistance of some kind.

GW is transfeminine to some degree

GW has had two “incidents” with GJ

Both incidents disgusted GW

Neither Anais nor Darwin expressed any discomfort with GJ

GJ does not live with THE WATTERSONS

Anais seems to feel to some degree responsible for GW

GW has undergone a legal name change (from Zac)

The principal has also exposed himself to GW

Assume highest quality conditions of all social services, financial assistance, etc.

[ask-the-faculty-of-elmore-high]

WELCOME TO ELMORE JUNIOR HIGH!!!

Run by @b4nd4g3-d0ct0r

Elmore Junior High is a major location in The Amazing World of Gumball, first shown in the episode, "The Responsible." It is the city of Elmore's local public junior high school, in which Gumball, Anais, and Darwin attend.

Surprising for a public Junior High school, it has its own cheerleading squad, marching band, indoor swimming pool, and track and field facility.

MEET THE STAFFS!!!

NIGEL BROWN

He's the Principle of Elmore Junior High

MISS LUCY SIMIAN

She's the Teacher in her Class

ROCKY ROBINSON

He's the Janitor, Bus Driver and a Lunch Person in School, He's also Gaylord and Margret's Son

MR. STEVE SMALL

He's the Counceler but also a Vegeterian Hippie

NURSE JOAN MARKHAM

She's the School Nurse in Elmore Junior High, She also works in the Hospital, She's also Romantic Partners with Cornielle

COACH R. RUSSO

She's a Very Inactive Sports Coach

MOONCHILD CORNIELLE

He is the Geography Teacher in Elmore Junior High, He's also Romantic Partners with Joan

TREE LIBRARIAN

The New Librarian in School

ASK RULES

No Weird Asks

If you know where the Other Librarian is, She got retired from her job

There is some OOC stuffs if I didn't act them very well

REMEMBER TO NOT ASK THE OTHER CHARACTERS WHO ISN'T IN THE LIST

You could also put fanart of them on the asks

THAT'S ALL

If you want to ask the chanax workers: @ask-chanax-inc

If you want to see random painted posts of elmore: @the-gumball-painter

[notfspurejam]

Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith at the Wyndham’s Theatre discussing their new stage show, Red Studios (Photo: BBC/Red Studios)

When people discover that the new Robbie Williams biopic Better Man presents the star, without explanation, as a chimpanzee, they usually have the same reaction that Steve Pemberton’s mum had. “What? He’s a monkey?” he mimics in a broad Lancashire accent. But when Pemberton was offered the role of Williams’ wayward dad, Peter, he got it immediately. “I didn’t question it. I thought it was genius. Phrases kept coming into my head: the monkey on your back, the performing monkey, the cheeky monkey… It’s such a bold choice.”

Prior to filming, Pemberton had met Williams only once, very briefly, when Matt Lucas introduced them at the Groucho Club about 25 years ago. “Matt Lucas was slightly more rock ’n’ roll in his connections,” he says. “The only club I was a member of was Archway Snooker Club.” Lucas was a bridge between two realms of fame. Pemberton was finding cult TV success as one quarter of the League of Gentlemen (with Reece Shearsmith, Mark Gatiss and director Jeremy Dyson) while Williams was the biggest pop star in the land — and probably the unhappiest.

In the film, Williams (played by Jonno Davies behind simian VFX) quotes the old observation that a celebrity’s emotional maturity is frozen at the age they become famous. For him that was 16, when he joined Take That. “What I admire about Robbie is how open he’s been,” says Pemberton. “Probably he was an arsehole to a lot of people, by his own admission. He talks so openly about all the different things in his life, whether it’s the relationship with his father, the drugs, the depression. It’s all there in the film.”

LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 27: Steve Pemberton attends the European Premiere of "Better Man" at Odeon Luxe Leicester Square on November 27, 2024 in London, England. (Photo by Dave Benett/WireImage)

Pemberton, by contrast, was almost 30 before he became recognisable, and part of a group that “had each other’s backs”. “We didn’t need to do all the partying and drug-taking. We were very much a cup of tea and a Tunnock’s teacake.” He wasn’t even trying to be famous. “I always felt like I want people to know the characters I’m playing. I don’t need them to know anything about me.”

Pemberton is grabbing lunch in his dressing room at Jacksons Lane arts centre in north London. Just minutes ago he finished the first run through of Stage Fright, the imminent theatrical version of Inside No 9, his improbably long-running BBC anthology show with Shearsmith. If you’ve seen him navigate myriad ages, classes, sexualities, moralities and wigs in the show, it’s a little strange meeting him as himself: a genial, silver-haired, 55-year-old father of three.

Pemberton owes his role in Better Man to Inside No 9. Peter Williams left his family when Robbie was young to pursue his cabaret dreams under the alias Pete Conway, and regarded his son’s later success with a cocktail of pride and envy. Damon Herriman, who plays Machiavellian Take That manager Nigel Martin-Smith, urged director Michael Gracey to watch “Bernie Clifton’s Dressing Room”, a classic episode of Inside No 9 about the tense reunion of an old-fashioned comedy duo called Cheese and Crackers. Pemberton brings to Peter a similar needy flamboyance — something brittle behind the ingratiating grin and corny patter. “Robbie found fame corrosive,” he says, “and Peter couldn’t understand how once you’d got your dream it could be anything other than golden and wonderful.”

Undated Handout Photo from Missing You. Pictured: Steve Pemberton as Titus. See PA Feature SHOWBIZ TV Missing You. WARNING: This picture must only be used to accompany PA Feature SHOWBIZ TV Missing You. PA Photo. Picture credit should read: Netflix. NOTE TO EDITORS: This picture must only be used to accompany PA Feature SHOWBIZ TV Missing You.

Steve Pemberton as Titus in Missing You (Photo: Netflix)

Pemberton loved dressing up and performing with his younger brothers as a kid on Chorley (“we had a well-rehearsed little Christmas show”) but his family had no showbiz aspirations whatsoever. His dad, a high-end car salesman, and his mother, who taught secretarial skills, never went to the theatre or saw acting as a viable career so they were nonplussed when he wanted to pursue drama rather than business. “I don’t know where my love of performing came from,” he admits. “I’m a bit of an anomaly. I suppose it was the opposite of what Robbie had. I didn’t have someone competing with me in terms of entertainment.”

He remembers attending a Christmas party with some of his dad’s friends and talking about taking the League of Gentlemen to the Edinburgh Festival. “The first question was, ‘How much do you get for that?’ And I said, ‘It’s not a question of how much I get, it’s how much I’m going to lose.’ There was shocked silence and then they burst out laughing.” But when the League won the prestigious Perrier Award and a Radio 4 commission in 1997, the penny dropped. Pemberton’s dad didn’t live to see the TV version but he loved the radio show. “He was so proud and loved bragging about it. My mum’s still going strong. She loves Robbie, as most mums do.”

In Better Man, Williams’ nostalgic comfort viewing is The Two Ronnies. Corbett and Barker were foundational for Pemberton, too. (Pleasingly, Corbett was one of the League’s first celebrity cheerleaders.) Pemberton was a child of four-channel television and that strange jumble has fed into everything he’s done: Tales of the Unexpected and ghost stories mingling with Are You Being Served? and Victoria Wood. “You had no choice really,” he says. “You watched what was on.”

He has no beef with streaming (you’ll see him next in Netflix’s Harlan Coben thriller Missing You) but he loved playing with the expectations of broadcast TV with Inside No 9 episodes like the Halloween special Dead Line, transmitted live with a fake technical hitch, and 3×3, which was cunningly advertised as a new Lee Mack quiz show. Viewers had to work out what was really going on in real time. “We never wanted to dump six episodes in one day – talk among yourselves,” he says. “It’s never sat right with me.”

LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 27: Steve Pemberton, Raechelle Banno, Robbie Williams, Jonno Davies, Carter J Murphy and Michael Gracey attend the "Better Man" European Premiere at the Odeon Luxe Leicester Square on November 27, 2024 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

Inside No 9 was an improbable hit. It began with a hasty pitch when Pemberton and Shearsmith realised that their black comedy mystery Psychoville would not be renewed, and proposed an anthology format – each episode stands alone in terms of plot, characters, genre and tone – that conventional wisdom said would give viewers no reason to keep watching. But season by season, it grew into a beloved cross-generational fixture. “We want people to have those memories of our show like we have of the things we watched when we were younger,” says Pemberton. “We hope it will be remembered in years to come.”

It’s certainly shown how much he can do. After playing darkly comic grotesques in The League of Gentlemen, the cast initially struggled to be taken seriously as actors. Pemberton remembers one casting director saying, “Oh, you act as well, do you?” The mainstream parts came eventually (Benidorm, Happy Valley, Doctor Who) but Pemberton and Shearsmith created their own opportunities with Inside No 9. In one decade, they raced through a career’s worth of roles and collaborators. Alison Steadman, who plays Robbie’s grandmother in Better Man, is one of them but then it’s hard to find a British film or show without at least one Inside No 9 guest star in the mix: Keeley Hawes, Jenna Coleman, Derek Jacobi, Eddie Marsan.

While promoting the final season earlier this year (the ninth of course), the duo were matter-of-fact about saying goodbye, so it’s reassuring to hear that Pemberton got emotional while shooting the finale. A meta-fictional extravaganza containing Easter-egg references to all 55 episodes, it unfolded at a wrap party featuring dozens of former guest stars. “It was so moving to walk into that room,” he says. “It was like your life flashing before your eyes. Everyone had come to Manchester just to be there for us. I teared up a bit the first time we watched the montage in front of that crowd. It felt indulgent, but in a good way.”

Steve Pemberton attending the European premiere for Better Man at Odeon Luxe, Leicester Square, London. Picture date: Wednesday November 27, 2024. PA Photo. Photo credit should read: Jeff Moore/PA Wire

Following the recent wrap-up documentary The Party’s Over, Stage Fright will finally close the door on Inside No 9, though not their partnership. Pemberton laughs when I tell him that one of the questions in Google’s “People also ask” box is: “Are Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith friends?”

“We wrote that nasty argument in the last episode and a lot of people were quite upset when we were filming it,” he says. “We are friends in real life. You cannot work with someone for 30 years otherwise. When we’re in a room together writing we laugh a lot. It’s such a joyous thing. We have quite a fluid working relationship but it’s not over.”

Over time, the pair realised that their friendship was Inside No 9’s secret emotional throughline, though at first they experimented with not appearing in every episode. “We didn’t want it to look like, ‘Hey, look at us dressing up every week! We’re the big stars of the show!’ But the longer it went on, the more we became the USP.”

It was a nice revelation for someone who was never desperate to be the main attraction. “From me saying earlier on that I just want people to watch the characters, I kind of get now that people want to see me and Reece.”

[myemuisemo]

Parts 6-8 of Letters from Watson's handling of The Sign of the Four hit at a time when I was swamped with work, so circumstances have made a fool of my assumption about that tiny footprint before I had a chance to thoroughly embarrass myself in public.

My first thought for the footprint was "monkey" -- I apparently really, really want a monkey, and there are certain macaques whose faces would be absolutely terrifying if seen pressed against a dark window. The problem is, the footprints of monkeys, apes, gorillas, and other such don't look like human footprints. They're all much more like hands. Gorillas come closest to having a human-like foot, but there's still a big thumb-like finger. And, of course, gorillas are too big anyway.

My venture into simian podiatry at least explains why Dr. Watson doesn't think "monkey." Victorians would have been better informed on this topic than I am, as monkeys were a common household pet in England. Little Jacko was, unsurprisingly, usually clever but mischievous. The blog from which I got monkey-lore also gets into monkey-fighting, which is even more appalling than how monkeys were treated as pets.

In part 8, we discover that the footprint does not, after all, belong to a monkey, ape, or other animal. Oh no, Doyle has in mind a situation much worse, and he's even foreshadowed it with two Indian servants. The colonial occupiers of India absolutely brought home people for their convenience.

The mysterious Jonathan Small brought home an indigenous Andaman Islander, who would be totally justified in wanting to kill anyone associated with the British Army. About 30-40 years before the time of the story, British settlement on the island had brought diseases that nearly wiped out the indigenous peoples. Efforts to help them existed -- one such would have been in the news in 1888 -- but it's still entirely a shameful episode.

(If you recall the 2018 story of the missionary who was determined to land on an island of indigenous peoples who were known for not allowing visitors... these were Andamanese, specifically Sentinelese. He was killed by the locals.)

Now, then, listen to this. ‘They are naturally hideous, having large, misshapen heads, small, fierce eyes, and distorted features. Their feet and hands, however, are remarkably small. So intractable and fierce are they that all the efforts of the British official have failed to win them over in any degree. They have always been a terror to shipwrecked crews, braining the survivors with their stone-headed clubs, or shooting them with their poisoned arrows. These massacres are invariably concluded by a cannibal feast.’

There's still a lot of "exotification of the savage" here -- the images of today's Andaman Islanders just look like people, very dark-skinned, with textured hair. Cannibalism felt like one of those charges levied against any group one doesn't like, and sure enough! Every source I can find today says the people of the Andaman Islands never practiced cannibalism. History Today also says "no poisoned darts," but the article's partly paywalled.

The Andaman Islander has kind of harshed my buzz vis-a-vis fun elements like the many ways Holmes demonstrates he's a man of class flexibility, the "never tired when working" line (he has got to be neurospicy), the omnipresence of creosote (used as a wood preservative, toxic af to the workers and anyone who recklessly burned all creosote-treated wood), and the humor of the newspaper report fronting for more localized police stations, along with the running joke of Athelney Jones arresting everyone indiscriminately.

At least there was a badger (at the house where Toby was obtained).

[karoubrugarou]

Tales of Eros-Laszlo's Legacy: Yugo and Mugen

Name/s: Yugo and Mugen

Age: 9 (Yugo) ??? (Mugen)

Species: Grolar Simian Beastani and Winter Stox

Class: Thief

Weapon of choice: Twin Hatchet Axes/ Magic+Shape shifting

Bio:

One of the youngest members of the Skull Anchor Pirates. He and his older brother (who mysteriously disappeared) Gero were the only survivors after the demons, lead by Lord Archezel, invaded and caused destruction of their home in Fredor. With his partner, a Winter Stox named Mugen, Yugo has the skills to not only survive but steal many valuables but with a catch. Yugo and Mugen only stole many valuables only from those who succumb to greed as they only help those who are in dire need. Mugen plays the role of a parental guardian as Yugo and his missing brother has lost his loved ones and home at 3, and he refuses to let the poor go without resources. However, Yugo has suffered from a mysterious stomach pain as the crew are in a race against time to find out what causes Yugo to be in so much pain.

A/N: I haven't been doing that much art due to personal conflict but it is coming; However, I have been continuing working on my old project that I have since 2008 and it's going good. I had already posted the lead protagonist, Laszlo, earlier. And I am happy to finally post the thief of his group, Yugo and Mugen. I don't want Yugo and Mugen to be typical pirate thieves as they want to be able to help many who lost everything just like them. Yugo took a while to find a good concept until it finally hit. He used to be a mix of a polar bear, emperor penguin and a macaque; now he is his own species based on a grolar bear and a monkey.

Tales of Eros and Characters © Franchesca Huerta aka Chibi Brugarou

[snakeater]

my brother and i have this thing where whenever we don’t want to do something, we just say, oh sorry i have to take an exam for my simian studies class. it is so stupid but we have been known to cry with laughter over our hypothetical simian studies class