#simply coparent and share responsibility w the others. no no no he has to be The Leader and do everything himself!

[im-smart-i-swear]

guy trapped in a hell of his own creation: haha ive never done anything wrong in my entire life. and im always right:] anyway. why did my little brother move out:(

its so funny to me that at first glance tashi seems like hed be the most 'normal' out of all the clones but at least all the others are slowly healing n shit while hes just getting more and more insane each day and one day hell snap and explode and maim someone

[helpmehelpyouplease]

Being a step parent isn’t for the faint of heart, people. I truly don’t know how people keep their sanity. I’m a 27 year old step mom to a 16 year old girl and 13 year old girl (their Dad who is 8 years older than me was 18 and 21 when they were born, so he’s a young dad and I’m a very young step mom). I’m currently pregnant with their half-brother, due in February. I met the girls when they were 12 and 9 and moved in with their dad when they were 14 and 11 - so we were living together when they were with their dad (50%). I married their dad when they were 15 and 12.

Mom is crazy, and has been from day one of my introduction. She doesn’t want me to “replace” her - she’s the mom. Sweetheart, the LAST thing I want to do is replace you. I’ve got enough of my own shit going on to be a good mom to a 16 year old girl and 13 year old girl. When they are with their dad and me, I’ll be there for them. I cook dinner, I help w homework, I cart them to soccer and basketball practice when dad is working late, etc. However, I am not mom. I’m very close to my mom, and I know how special that relationship is - she’s my best friend, my rock, my confidant. I would never try to replace that relationship, or even tarnish it in any way. However, she is still very threatened. I believe she has a low self worth - so it’s truly her issue. She has never spoken more than one word to me. She has never reached out to try to get to know me, or be on the same page as the other woman in her daughters’ lives. She simply communicates to my husband via short worded emails regarding information for their daughters and issues she has with me. I’m not quite sure if she realizes that he’s been sharing her communication since we started dating 6 years ago or not. But every time you call me a bitch or tell him vehemently that I’m not the mom and I have no rights as a “parent” - I am made aware. For no other reason than to make sure my husband and I have no secrets and are on the same page. My feelings don’t need to be protected as much as I need to know when someone is attempting to talk shit about me to my husband. Per my advice, he never responds to her complaints about me, more than to say “our communication should be limited to our daughters if you cannot be civil regarding my family”.

Idk about you all, but if I had two teenage daughters living with my ex from high school (who I barely know now that we are both in our mid 30s and haven’t been together in 12 years) and his wife - I would be making her my BEST FRIEND. We’d be chatting all the time about what the girls are up to, who they’re friends with (as friendships in teenage girl world can be fluid and ever-changing), who they like, who they’re dating, etc. I would make sure that the communication between both households was rock solid so nothing slipped through the cracks. Men can’t communicate like women (no offense guys, girls just have the gift of gab), so I’d go through step mom who clearly has a relationship with my daughters - it would be different if step mom wasn’t involved or was checked out. Not this b. She does nothing to create communication. And truly, in my opinion it’s her responsibility. You are the “mom” right?? Not my job to open lines of communication- I’d hate to overstep as you’ve accused me of it before.

I think she is self conscious and will never love herself enough to put herself out there to create a relationship with me, her daughters’ step mom. You can say what you want about being tied to your kids for 18 years - that shit is for life. So you’ll see me, Mom, at graduations and weddings. Hopefully the girls stay close (like I am to my parents and you are to your parents) and have family over for holidays when they have their own kids - ya might see me then too! I’m birthing at least one of their siblings, eventually two if the Lord allows. They will be tied to their siblings longer than you and I will be on this earth, which means they will have a connection to my family. Wouldn’t you want to get to know me and my family?

It truly baffles my mind.

While Mom is crazy, Dad also has issues. Yes, he is my husband. Yes, I love him immensely. Yes, he is the father of my future son. But he wasn’t put on this earth and reared to be the best part time dad married to a step mom. Who is? I think others might do it better, but I’ve never met any so maybe everyone has their struggles with shared custody and “new” relationships. We have power struggles because I was raised in a Matriarchal family and he was raised in a Patriarchal family. The struggle can get real lol. His last line is “they’re my kids, so it’s my say”. HOLD UP. They’re YOUR kids so YOU have the say. Are they your kids and it’s your day when I get home from work at 4:30 and start dinner right away so the kids can eat by 5/5:15 to be able to have it digested and be at practice by 6 - which is when you get home from work? Or am I doing the parenting at that moment - as I’m feeding them, which is a parent’s job? Are they your kids when they have an algebra text the next day and I’m making a practice test for them to study because I minored in math and college and it’s easy for me to help? Or am I helping with parenting in an aspect? Are they your kids when I’m buying them clothing for the school year, summer, Christmas, and birthdays because I’m a woman and know what’s in and they’re more comfortable with me going bra shopping than with dad? Or am I a partial parent in that moment? Am I not exercising parental action when I’m home alone with them from 4-6 after school and you’re still at work and they start fighting and I have to tell them to stop or exercise a punishment - like a babysitter would should they be in her care?

This is what I don’t get. You watch tv shows with step-parents, and parents are very quick to say the step-parent isn’t a parent and they have no rights. Well we give teachers and babysitters and caregivers rights and they aren’t parents - so what exactly is the difference from a step-parent? And if I’m helping my husband pay the bills, should I not get a say in where we are spending the bills? Sometimes money affects parental decisions as well. It’s our money, so I get a say. Maybe we can’t afford to get your daughter a car when she gets her license at 17 because we have a baby in daycare. Parental decision due to limited funds. This is what I don’t understand. Mom, you think I can’t parent because I’m a step-parent. Guess what? It’s irresponsible for you to say that. If you want a child who you have 100% parental rights over - then marry a man and have a child with him. Otherwise, the children you share custody of with a man you are no longer with will always have 50% influence from another parent that isn’t you or your significant other. And most likely an additional parental figure, who is married to their father. SIMPLE. The best way to make sure your opinions in parenting are being heard is to get chummy w step mom. BUT you won’t ever do that. So you’ll never understand the 100% custodial rights and decision making. I’m sorry for you, but that’s the truth. Deal with it.

Maybe in February my viewpoint will change, when I become a mother myself. 🤷‍♀️ but I’m gonna say I doubt it. This is just common sense, people. You’re all too close to the subjects to understand how you’re being toxic.

Ladies, I’m going to leave you with some advice. If you meet a man that has kids, RUN! If you say fuck it, I don’t need to be serious w him and meet the kids, you’re stupid. Because you’re going to “fall in love” with this man, create a life with him, and marry him. THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE WITHOUT KIDS THAT IS JUST AS GREAT AS HIM. Truly, it’s not worth your stress. Moms are crazy. Dad’s are dumb. Being a stepparent is hard as f. It is not for the faint of heart. If you’re thinking about it, just know that it doesn’t get better. There will always be a struggle - even if it’s peaceful for a while. They didn’t work for a reason, so what makes us think their coparenting will be 100% peaceful?