#sir there are 4 pages missing. sir where did they go

[rahleeyah]

If you're ever feeling down about yourself and your capabilities know that I routinely work with MBAs who find the instructions "print this, sign it, and scan it back to me" to be too difficult to follow

[jungkookjeon0007]

Nights in Vegas | CH. 4 (JJK FF)

☆ summary: When Olivia flies to Las Vegas for her first ever BTS concert w/ her best friend, she was expecting to make lots of unforgettable memories... What she wasn't expecting was to end up with the lead singer, Jeon Jungkook, knocking on her hotel room door only to find her in nothing but a towel. What will happen when the golden maknae wants to see her again? Will it lead to heartbreak, or a promising future for them both?

☆ pairing(s): jungkook x olivia.

☆ ratings: (18+) for detailed sex scenes + harsh language.

☆ genre: smut, angst, fluff.

☆ word count: 1.44k.

☆☆☆☆☆

Unknown: Hey! 👋🏼

Olivia: Hey. Who's this?

Unknown: Don't tell me you've forgotten about me so soon. 😞

Olivia: If it's the person I think it is, then no. I could never forget about you. 😊

Unknown: I'm glad you could never forget me, because I know for a fact I will never forget you. 💜 But in case you needed confirmation, it's Jungkook. 🫣

Olivia: Of course I knew it was you, did you need something? ☺️

Jungkook: Yes actually, I wanted to see if you were ready to sign the NDA? We have some free time and can use the conference room for extra privacy within the next 10 minutes.

Olivia: Absolutely. 😊 Do you want me to meet you down there?

Jungkook: Yeah if that's okay. It's conference room number 1. I wanted to come up  and get you myself, but where I'm just getting back from dance practice my manager thinks it's easier if we just meet. 🥴

Olivia: Your manager is right, there's no need for you coming all the way up here then going right back down. I will meet you there in 10, just let me get freshened up really quickly. 💜

. . .

I hopped out of the bed, heading for the bathroom to fix my hair. I had just woken up from a nap and didn't want to look like a bum when I walked into the conference room.

"And where are you going in a hurry?" Lacie asked while leaning on the bathroom doorway.

"I need to go meet Jungkook downstairs at the conference room. He wants me to go ahead and sign the NDA form with his manager since they have some free time."

I sighed heavily.

"What is it?" She asked confused.

"Do you think this outfit is too laid back for meeting with him?"

"Liv, you look absolutely perfect. Hell I think you could wear a paper bag and the man would still think you're beautiful."

I smiled, keeping the outfit on and making my way to the door. "I'll see you in a little bit, love you."

"Love you babe, have fun."

. . .

Once the elevator stopped in the lobby, I exited making my way to the conference room. I knocked on the door and was met with his bunny smile as it opened.

He motioned for me to come in and had me follow him over to a big table in the middle of the room where a man was waiting with the paperwork.

"Olivia this is Mr. Kim Hyun Soo, he is going to be helping us with the NDA forms today."

"Hello sir." I stated, as he bowed politely with a smile.

"This will not take long, I just need you guys to take a seat over here and I will go over everything with you." Hyun Soo motioned towards the long conference table as the two of us made our way to a seat.

We sat down and immediately he slid papers in front of us. "Okay so there are multiple rules and guidelines we have to follow when the NDA is in place. As you can see the first page is where both of your names will be, stating this mutual agreement is between the two of you specifically. Basically this is saying for you Miss Olivia, that you will not disclose any information you obtain with or about Jungkook and your time together. If you'll sign this portion, we will then proceed."

I grabbed a pen and signed the line, looking at Hyun Soo once I was finished. "Okay perfect, let's move on. This next portion is something Hybe and our attorneys have written up in case this situation ever occurred between one of the members and a fan. You will need to read each line item carefully, along with the consequences if you fail to follow the rules provided to you. Read them aloud please so I know for certain that you have read them."

I grabbed the paper, suddenly feeling nervous. With both of their eyes on me, I began to read. "Number 1, ARMY is prohibited in the sharing of photos, videos, schedules, or any other private information obtained about the idol. Number 2, the idol and ARMY are not allowed to engage in physical contact or relationships when in the public eye, failure to follow this rule will result in a punishable offense-"

I stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath as I was shaking from nervousness. I suddenly felt a hand lay softly against my thigh, patting it gently. I looked into his eyes and Jungkook simply smiled, nodding his head, "It's okay, keep reading Liv. You're doing great."

I smiled, feeling better as I continued to read the rest of the rules and their consequences.

"Okay perfect, if you can just sign your names on the last page I will get them documented for you."

We signed our names and handed the papers back to Hyun Soo, "Thank you for your cooperation with us Miss Olivia, you and Jungkook are now allowed to see each other in his free time. I hope you both have a wonderful day." He bowed and without another word, left the two of us alone in the conference room.

"Wow, that was so intense." I said, looking at Jungkook in relief.

"I know, that was a pain in the ass but it's all finished and we don't have to worry about it now. We can hang out whenever we want and no one can get in the way."

We smiled at each other before I realized his hand was still on my thigh. He met my gaze and quickly retreated his hand, seeming nervous. "I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that without ask-"

"Shh, it's okay. You're very sweet for comforting me while I was nervous, thank you." I then kissed his cheek.

He blushed before clearing his throat, "So would you like me to walk you back to your room?

I nodded and without another word, we walked out of the conference room and back down to the elevator.

. . .

Coolest Group Chat Ever has been created.

Jungkook: Hey! Hobi and Olivia, I have you both in here but couldn't add Lacie. Could one of you add her so we can all 4 talk about tonight?

Olivia: On it! There, she's added now! 😊

Lacie: Hey!

Hobi: Hi everyone. So what's going on tonight? 😁

Jungkook: Well I was thinking we could go out to dinner then hit the club after. We will call ahead of time for both, that way we can have private seating at dinner and VIP in the club.

Hobi: That sounds perfect, I'm down if the ladies are good with that.

Lacie: Absolutely. 😊

Olivia: I'm good with that for sure. ☺️

Jungkook: Awesome, then it's settled. Hobi Hyung and I will pick you both up tonight at 8. Make sure to wear something a bit fancy, but also something you can wear to a club! Oh and Hyung, have you and Lacie signed the NDA with Hyun Soo yet?

Hobi: No, we're actually meeting him in 10 minutes though. Everything will be all set by tonight so don't worry. 😉

Jungkook: Great! Liv and I have already signed ours, I just dropped her back at her room. Ladies, we will pick you up at your room later, until then everyone enjoy their day! 😊

. . .

Lacie and I smiled at one another as we laid on our beds. "I still cannot believe this is real."

"I know, I feel like we're living in a dream." I replied, staring up at the ceiling.

"I have to say though, you and JK look so good together." She was now propped up on her elbow, looking over at me.

"I think the same about you and Hobi, he seems like a very sweet guy." I stated as she smiled.

"Yeah he's the sweetest, I'm so glad we're getting to do this and that you guys got us this chance. Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

We both giggled as I looked back at the ceiling, "Of course, and I love you too."

It was silent between us until she suddenly sat up, panicking.

"Liv? What the hell are we supposed to wear tonight??"

My eyes went wide, "Shit."

[gerbiloftriumph]

Floating Castle Liveblog (first read)

The King's Quest series has been graced with a very silly and very wonderful trilogy of adapted novels, and of them all, the first is my favorite. I have read it more times than I should, and liveblogged my musings on Goodreads in real time, er, multiple times.

Below is my first readthrough. Follow along with my initial, baffled, but ultimately delighted, self. Obviously, spoilers for an objectively terrible but subjectively amazing video game novelization from the 90s.

(and if you want to read the Floating Castle yourself, well, [I'm sure there are avenues online] but you didn't hear that from me)

May 7, 2018 –

page 0

Let it be officially known: I am terrifically excited to read this, and a little nervous, too. Please be good. Please be good. But please don't be SO good that I want to break my wallet trying to get a copy of See No Weevil. [side gerbil note: at the time, one of the only copies of See No Weevil, the third book in the series, available for purchase online was selling for $8k. No, that's not a joke.]

page 6

I miiiight be wrong, but wasn't Merlin's Mirror blank for all the years Alexander was missing, too? I have a feeling I read that somewhere...eh. I should read the actual game manuals sometime.

page 9

It's a touch on the fluffy side. A whole paragraph is dedicated to Alexander getting out of bed. But, let's be clear, that fluff worked really well a few pages ago with the storm, so. Plus, it's from the 90s, so. For some reason fantasy from then seems to be fluffy

page 10

You out of shape magician boy, you. Then again, 4 deep flights of castle steps (probs rough flagstone, rather uneven) is probably hard to climb, so. Fair.

page 14

Graham is such a good king. Like. Really really good.

page 26

Come on, magician prince. You can think of somethiiiing.

page 18

Sir Brian of House Blessed, I presume.

page 40

A: Oh, you stuck Graham's soul in a crystal? Very Ocarina of Time of you. What year did this come out? B: ...why is this actually kind of a good book? Like, from an honest fantasy novel perspective, not just a King's Quest adaptation perspective, it's actually not that bad. Slightly dated with its fluffy descriptions, but I've read plenty of worse fantasy before.

page 47

I didn't expect to enjoy a magician turning into a tree as much as I am, and I love Alexander being all good and diplomatic and not swearing anyone out for Cyril's complete uselessness.

page 49

I wonder how old Alexander is. I don't think it's said. How far past Manannan are we? Has KQ5 happened yet? These are not crucial questions, and yet. I'm curious. Do we know about Crispin? He's probably fractionally more useful than Morowyn. But only fractionally, cos he's still mostly useless.

page 54

Alex (paraphrased): So. All I have to do is sneak into Telgrin's evil doom castle, figure out where he hid a crystal of undetermined size with King Graham's soul in it, steal it (it had better not be car sized), sneak out without getting caught, and get home before his empty body dies, and you can put the soul back in? Cyril (quote): Oh, yes. Almost certainly. Probably. I think. Sounds like a PLAN, guys. Let's go!

page 54

Addendum to the above REALLY AWESOME PLAN. Do it before Telgrin tortures Graham's soul into hideous unrecognizability. Y'know. No pressure or anything.

page 58

I like Cyril. Road trip with the boys!

page 65

What sort of spooky ringwraith nonsense....

page 74

That’s....that’s just lembas bread. Literally just lembas.

page 81

Okay, there’s a thing I don’t like. Little episodic things periodically happen but so clumsily. I think it’s to give Alexander “items” to solve later puzzles, like the games. Direct quotes here: “Good apple,” Cyril said. “Very good.” “Sweet.” “Mmm.” And that’s the end of the exchange. Like. I get it, apples will probably be important later but. That dialogue is less than riveting

May 8, 2018:

page 87

"He’s going to try to ride a kelpie. I’ve never been so excited about a plot development in all my life!

page 108

I very much enjoyed that bit with the ogre, and now we’re hiding in barrels to sneak in. This book is like, nothing but all the best possible Fantasy Highlights.

page 123

Also, I’m fond of this exchange: “You are an evil man.” “So it has been said.” Telgrin shrugged. “Personally I’ve always found that such abstractions do not apply well to the real world. They make matters that are by their very nature complex seem rather too simple, don’t you think?” “Evil,” Alexander repeated."

page 133

Ewwww what is that thing. That’s a horrible beastie.

page 139

Where was he? Yes. Who was this beside him? Yes. Alexander those are not answers to your questions.

page 146

“All I’d have to do is wait until Telgrin is out of the room, step through the mirror, reclaim my father’s soul, and return through the mirror.” Alexander *liked* this plan."

page 162

It's absolutely just The Best Parts of Any Fantasy shoved together in one frantic ball of fury, with maybe three pages at most devoted to each new Fantasy Segment. I'm so into it. It's not a challenge to read by any stretch--I'd say it's middle grade fiction level--but, like, yo. It's crazy fun so who cares. (darn it, book, you broke my theory about where Telgrin had stuffed Graham. Boo. I was enjoying my guess.)

page 163

If my baby boy has broken his arm punching this ringwraith there will be hell to pay from me. I will protect this scarf-wearing lad at all costs. I say, when he's probably my age and knows at least a little magic and how to use a sword and has no problem crawling around dungeons and enemy castles.

page 165

Alexander is SUCH a pile of snark. Yeah, this is going well, he thinks. Now we have *four* knights chasing us.

page 168

“Cyril, I really don’t think—“ “*Enough.* there’s no time for discussion. Prepare yourself.” “No, Cyril, I— Aieeeeeeee!” Boys please

page 170

Are you KIDDING. It took us ages to get INTO the castle. And now we’re stuck outside again. P sure Telgrin is going to raise security after that debacle and kerfuffle you just caused.

page 175

Cuss the ever loving frick out of that tree root. You’ve earned a little less-than-princely reaction after this hell day.

page 181

Graham’s been soul-less for about a week at this point if I’ve added up right. He can wait a bit more, probably.

page 183

THIS IS NOT A HELPFUL SOLUTION TO THE MANY PROBLEMS AT HAND.

page 185

“Did you speak, Sir Frog?” “That’s Prince Frog to you.” Alex, please reign back the sass a little bit. You’re not helping matters.

page 194

We’ve found a princess, convinced her to smooch, he turns human again, and the first thing she says is “but....you’re *beautiful.*” Agreed, yo.

page 204

He’s been walking around with a hat this whole time? I hope it has a feather in it.

page 219

My baby Grahaaaaaam. Sorry about the week of agonizing torture. We came quick as we could. That whole scene with you and Telgrin was so cool and you’re so brilliant and I love your stupid regal face. Also. This exchange; “What happened?” “I’m not exactly sure. All I know is that Telgrin came uncomfortably close to killing me.” Y’know, no big deal.

page 223

"It opened its eyes, blinked, and said, “Hmph. What’s happening? Where am I?” “It’s all right, dear,” the first head said. “Go back to sleep. I am just going to kill this man here.” “Oh, that’s all right, then.”

page 228

I’m amazed Telgrin hasn’t raised hell and panic after losing Graham and his staff. Like. This isn’t a good event for our villain but we everyone seems remarkably calm.

page 231

“Is *everyone* in Daventry this obstinate?” Yes. You messed with the wrong royal family, tbh.

page 234

I love this. I love this book. In ways I cannot express because truly it is not a good book and yet. And YET. The setting is phenomenal, the cast both old and new entertaining, the language occasionally dips beyond melodramatic into actually decently lyrical, the action is relentless, and EVERYONE IS SASSY. Be it Alexander, Graham, this new princess, Telgrin. Everyone.

page 243

“I don’t suppose that you’ll tell me what you were up to.” “I don’t suppose.“ The sass is too strong. It’s blinding. I don’t want this book to end.

page 248

“You know, Alexander, I am not normally given to strong emotions. I do not often make declaration of animosity, for these do not agree with my usually thoughtful and scholarly nature. I must, however, tell you that I hate you.” The sass.

page 249

“The wonderful thing is, I have the power to make it all come true. All of it – the pain, the disfigurement, the death. I tell you, sometimes it’s a truly marvelous thing to be me.” Stars above I’m dying this is so good

page 250

This book is amazing. I am dying.

page 252

No, seriously. I am actually laughing out loud at this point. I love this. “She shall marry me unwillingly, or not at all!“

page 255

“Oh, I see the way of it. It’s blame-everything-on-Telgrin time, is it?” It hurts. My joy hurts too much. I’m crying with joy.

page 260

Cool guys don’t look at explosions.

page 269

This castle even has murder holes. Like. This is actually a good solid piece of fantasy, with accurate castles.

page 273

“I could attempt to fly you down.” All in all, Alexander thought he would rather just jump."

page 293

Graham is such a flirt.

page 297

No there’s no more page to turn!!!!!! Nooooooo I want moreeeee. .....aahHahdhsbdjdhdbuebfjxi.

May 8, 2018 – Finished Reading

five stars out of five stars

[lostfirefly]

You’ve Got the Same Dream as Me (Ch.4)

Hello, kiddos! The idea for this fanfic came to me from a dream (again) I had about a month ago. Тhe main characters were Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill (don't ask me why), but with a light hand they have been replaced (sorry, guys). The main action of the dream took place somewhere in the sands. Аlthough this fanfic will feature Sir Crocodile and our beloved Buggy, the action shifts to the desert. No marines, ships etc. Sorry, not sorry :) The devil fruit's abilities are preserved. Catch the Mummy and Indiana Jones vibes :) I have no idea how many chapters there will be. Different titles and names from the original source material will be used to emphasise the general OP's vibe.

Since English is not my native language, errors may occur. As always, feel free to share your thoughts :) 

And thank you to my dear @yujo-nishimura and @laurasoretta for believing in me :)

Description: Catherine, a librarian who is searching for the trail of her sister who went missing on an expedition. Notes in books and diaries lead her to Cairo. There she finds a retailer from an artifact shop who, in exchange for selling her a map and equipment, insists that Catherine take her along. They get into a little (or maybe a big) adventure.. 

Warnings: 12+, I think. As always, no smut, angst, violence. Adventures and fun only. Buggy x OC, Sir Crocodile x OC.

Words: 1236

The title is taken from «You've Got the Same Dream as Me» (Sonya Belousova & Giona Ostinelli) (One Piece, Netflix)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

"A car?" Catherine looked in amazement at the big black jeep. 

"What did you expect?" Buggy asked, leaning back on the bonnet, taking off his striped bandana. 

"Well, I don't know. We’re in Cairo… But.. You got people around town who look like fish. And there's… just a car", she said, glancing at his long blue hair.

"Sorry, cotton candy, my personal flying dragon is at home. I can take you for a ride next time", he replied with a sneer in voice, wrapping his hair into a ponytail.

"Ew, jeez", Catherine pursed her lips.

"If you keep yucking, I'm not taking you with me,. You can go to the nearest rental shop and book yourself a magic carpet if you want". 

"Tell me, were you born to be such an asshole? Or did it come with age?" Catherine drilled Buggy with her eyes. 

"Stop it, both of you. Save your love quarrels for later!" Rika said loudly, locking the shop door shut. "By some completely idiotic irony, we all need to get to the same place. Let's focus on the case. Cathie, get out your maps and records".

"He started it first!"

"I don't care! I'm not going to be your mom or dad. I said, get out your maps and records now! Here's your book by professor Alabasta", Rika put it on the bonnet.

It was a large book, in a brown cover with golden monograms on it. The pages were a little yellowed in places, but fortunately the text was legible.

"Woooow", Catherine whispered and gently ran her hands over the sheets.

"You see?" Rika opened one of Cathrine's diaries and pointed her index finger at one of the entries. "The numbers here and here match. I think that old man Alabasta knew something. I don't know if they point to the location of the treasure or not, maybe it's just one of the dots, but I'm more than sure that this is where we should be heading".

"But if he found treasure, for example, why didn't he take it? Maybe it's not there anymore", Catherine asked, "and why did my sister go there? She and I are both adventurers, but I still don't understand".

"Maybe she didn't go looking for the treasure. Maybe your sister got so tired of your endless whining that she decided to join a caravan and hide from you forever. That's what I would do", Buggy said, leaning between the two girls, glancing briefly at Catherine and putting his hand on her back.

"You're pissing me off already", she whispered.

"Well, I don't know your sister, so her motives are unclear to me, - Rika said, shaking her head, "but I know what I want to find there".

"And what is that?" Catherine asked with surprise.

"It doesn't matter".

"Look, there are several routes", Catherine ran her finger along the lines on the page. "I think we should take the shortest route so we can get there faster. The less time I spend in the car with this clown, the better".

"No, no", Buggy shook his head negatively. "You see, this short cut is guarded by Baroque Works men. We can't make two steps out there. We'd be quickly captured and sent to some underwater prison. Believe me, you won't like it there. We'll take this way", he pointed down the long road, "sorry, you'll have to bear with me".

He started to put the bags in the boot of the car.

"Trust me, you'll be happy to be in those places with me. Because if we meet a man with a hook there, I'll be your best bet for salvation".

"A man with a hook? Have you been drinking since this morning?" Catherine moved closer to his face to test her hunch.

"Where the hell did you come from, cutie biscuit?" he whispered in her ear.

"Loguetown, why are you asking?"

"Oh, just curious. Alright. Hop in, girls. Rika. And my cotton candy", he said with a wink, getting into the car.

"Stop calling me that!"

⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥫⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭⥭

The journey to the coordinates indicated on the map took about two hours. The car stopped somewhere in the middle of a hot desert. There was only a small building, which looked more like an old barracks.

"Well, where are we? You said you could read maps", Catherine got out of the car and looked around, "I thought we'd be in the right place on time".

"Can you stop nagging, I'm getting a headache", Buggy said, looking for something in the boot of the car.

"Don't tell me what to do and what not to do. You're the one who brought us here", Catherine walked briskly over to Buggy. "Fuck, if I'd known you didn't know anything, I wouldn't have messed with you in life".

"Listen, pie", Buggy grabbed her arm and hissed, glaring at her with his green eyes. "I'm sick of your hysterics. If you don't stop acting like this, I'm gonna leave you here in the middle of the desert to be eaten by the local sand creatures. And drive back. Believe me, I'd rather be in a bar than stuck here with you right now".

Catherine felt his warm hand squeeze her arm with force.

"Okay, people, break", Rika said, getting closer to them. "According to the coordinates, we're in the right spot now. Catherine, anticipating your question, no, we're not at the final point of our journey yet. While you two were arguing the whole way, I was trying to get a good look at the map. But it was difficult, with your love dialogues distracting my attention".

Catherine rolled her eyes.

"And? What's next?" she asked.

"We should go into that building over there. There must be something important in there, since it's marked on the map. It looks like a shop or a small hotel. I don't know. At least it's on the map and in the diaries. You see it?" Rika pointed her finger in the notebook.

Catherine noticed Buggy re-hiding a small black, oddly shaped box.

"What's that in there?" she asked, placing her hand gently on his back, peering over his shoulder.

"It's nothing special".

"Okay… We'll go to that building then, see what I can find out".

Catherine took two steps forward and stopped. She turned round and was about to take half a step back.

"Buggy…"

"What?" he sounded annoyed.

"I'm s... You know. Never mind".

Catherine and Rika walked into a small building together. Inside, there were shelves with some bags of herbs and jars of oddly coloured water. The place smelled of coriander and lavender for some reason.

"What can I do for you, young girls?" a hoarse voice came from the corner of the room. A grown big-boned man with a grey beard and long grey hair sat in a chair.

"Good afternoon, sir. We seem to be a little lost. We need to go to the Sab...", Catherine didn't have time to finish her sentence because Rika stepped on her foot, silencing her.

"Rayleigh, I bet they're going there for the same reason I am", a low voice came from the front door.

"Sab... what? The Sabaody Desert? Why would you want to go there?

" the man asked, rising from his chair.

The tall man slowly began to approach the counter.

"Well, lassies, tell me what you're looking for there?", he asked, placing both hands on the table.

Catherine whispered in Rika's ear.

"Do you see that too? Does he have a… a hook instead of a hand?"

[night-faye]

"Let the demon child come out and play!" everybody who knows Nezha lore turns to stare at the camera. I knew with this episode, you'd have two more reasons to hate Peng than just Macky and Mei lol. "This isn't worth your life." "You're right. It's worth far more than that." *sighs in lore.* You need therapy too, this show made it worse. "No matter what options it's giving you, you're always going to end up in the same spot." "Ooooh, thanks Macaque. You went through more effort than usual to make me feel like dirty dirt dirt. Good job, round of applause." ABSOLUTELY CRACKING UP AT MK DISHING OUT ALL THIS SASS AND MACKY'S STUMPED LOOK AND AWKWARD EYE ROLL gosh that face- "You were supposed to realize by now that the choices the game's giving you aren't the only choices you've got. Life isn't some pre-written thing like a video game where you have to do what the tutorial says." "It's time to start making your own choices. Something I wish I'd learned a lot sooner than I did." DULY NOTING THIS DOWN FOR THE S4 SPECIAL. We know, it's hard for you to be pushy when you were younger, always following Wukong and friends. Also ow, the cut to the drawing they made together :') two different art styles, they DID draw that together and Wukong kept it all this time :') :') :') Well now that we're in the S4 special uh hehe, you can see where it comes in :) "Only you get to decide who you are, kiddo." That had NO right to be as soft as it was. Haha yep, very weird how the Celestial beings instantly react to that. Only other thing those three have in common excluding MK is dying and being brought back in different ways.

1) SoySauce Duo is a TREASURE. It's so funny watching MK gush about how Wukong was all cute and cheeky, no WAY he did nothing wrong. "Sir, my client is just a fluffy monkey. Let him go. Is it a crime to be silly?" He'd make a great lawyer lol. Meanwhile, Macky is RIGHT THERE lol. It's ok we already heard his perspective. But he's holding back and is just like.......dude. did you even read the book.

2) Love love love the trope of Macky constantly collecting more monkeys. Those little guys missed him a lot, surely. Also LOL at MK laughing at Macky's expense over being called "bud." There's a misconception that Macky would be calling Wukong "peaches" nah that's all stuff like "your majesty" meanwhile Wukong is nicknaming this grumpy ball of fluff something cute like "peaches." Hard agree with his anguish tho like tell us what happened already for realsies we're still waiting for part 2!! 3) "We have to try. He'd do the same for any of us." Meanwhile Macky: *thinking back to MK's S3 rant and the cave divorce* "I can't believe I'm sticking my neck out for Wukong. Again." says monkey not being forced to do anything. Love also, how he apparently read all 2,000 pages of this book. just divorced ex-best friend nemesis you want to kill things. ALSO 😭 that "Wukong, what have you done." has crazy emotion. you two know each other so deeply. Notice how Wukong's eyebrows used to be all messy like Macky's here 🤔 something something, monkey who tries to appear more like a civilized human to belong somewhere and not be seen as a savage beast. 4) Who knows really why Macky was bandaging himself alone or what fight he got into off screen. Just warrior things. But hey 👀 that promise he reminded Macky of in the 2nd ep this season. It is ILLEGALLY CUTE AND PRECIOUS how Wukong is able to dispel any doubts or concerns Macky has just by poking him all goofy like that and UGH THE CUTE SHY SMILES THAT HE CAN'T HELP BC OF HIS STUPID OPTIMISTIC SHINING LIGHT OF A FRIEND and the FREAKING HAIR RUFFLE "Quit it, eat your dang peach." He says with a complete smile audible in his voice bc his friend is stupidly endearing. "You're a peach!" OKAY WUKONG.

>*throws myself off a cliff*<

[colleitheglidingchampionofsumeru]

Hello, I hope this finds you well, may I request a chuuya x pm!moon please (info on her is on my page) thank you

Sure ^^

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Chuuya x pm!moon

Big mission

Warings: cuss words,fluff (let me know if there is anything I missed)

Characters: Chuuya,Mori,Liam (Moon's brother I hope I spelled that right) and some random guy

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The day/night before

Chuuya and Moon were called into mori's office they went together mori said "i want you two to watch someone for the week get some good rest tonight you two your gonna have to wake up around 4 am to leave" Chuuya and Moon looked at each other then bowed and said "yes sir" then walked out

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Day 0 (the drive there)

Chuuya and Moon woke up at 3:30 am to get ready and everything Moon told her brother about the mission then Chuuya and Moon met at 3:50 am and at 4:00 am Chuuya and Moon drove to the place it took most of the day moon wasn't driving so after they got breakfast and started to drive again Moon fell asleep in the car she actually couldn't sleep the day before so she was sleeping for a long time when Chuuya and Moon got to a hotel she was still sleeping so Chuuya just picked her up and brought her in a room to lay down they already had lunch and dinner (he woke her up for it and she fell back to sleep) so Chuuya just went to bed

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Day 1 (Monday)

Chuuya and Moon woke up early in the morning then drove to the place and watched for hours the person didn't go out mori told them he was scared to go out at night so they went back to the hotel and went to bed (after eating)

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Day 2 (Tuesday)

they woke up again early in the morning and went to watch again still he didn't leave they brought food and ate the food still watching out for the person still he didn't come out it became late so they went home and went to bed

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Day 3 (Wednesday)

they got food again and drove to the place again and watched for the guy again he never came out it got late so they went back to the hotel and went to bed

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Day 4 (Thursday)

they left early in the morning again and left to watch they were bored so much again they ate it got late no sight of the guy so they went back to the hotel and went to bed

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Day 5 (Friday)

they woke up early in the morning again and left they thought it would be the same thing get there,eat,watch,sleep they were in the middle of eating lunch then Moon saw the guy "hey look look it's him" Chuuya looked and said "fuck yea that little bitch is dead for making us wait days" Moon said "you know what the boss said" Chuuya responded with "yea yea catch him and bring him back" they put their food away since the guy got in a car Chuuya followed but the guy realized Chuuya was following him so the guy started a race with Chuuya then Chuuya said "hold on tight" Moon put her seat belt on (since they didn't need it but now they do) and Chuuya drove fast after probably 50 minutes of a case Chuuya cut the guy off then the guy got out and ran and do did Chuuya Moon drove the car trying her best to follow where they went Chuuya got the guy and Moon found them Chuuya threw the guy in the trunk and closed the trunk door Moon got out of the car and went in the passenger side and Chuuya drove the car back to the port mafia base when they got there Chuuya made the guy float in the air while walking to mori's office Moon was following they got in mori's office he said "oh hey you guys did it only took 5 days but hey just throw him on the ground" Chuuya removed the gravity from the guy and he fell down mori said "you guys can go now thanks bye" they left and got some good sleep

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Sorry if the words weren't said right I typed fast so I also hope you liked this ^^

[clutzicone-dts]

Season 4, episode 9- The Greatest Fear of All

The greatest fear of all was the friends we made along the way!

why Does the intro still have Zane as a ransom note, he has been here for a while now

Oh griffin turner

Sorry is it legal to ride dragons in the city this low?

Also yeah, where IS Chen???

Also what does pythor think of this?

WHAT. WAH TDO YOU MEAN THE SPELL IS ON THE NEXT PAGE-WHY WAS THIS NOT MENTIONED

“There aren’t any true anacondrai’s left!!” I know you’ve been stuck on an island for the last few decades but have you not watched the news

BIRD

“Yes… a good brother…” garmadonnnnnn :((((

Hmm I think this is the first time we’re introduced to kryptarion prison

I WOULD NOT CALL THIS AN “Environment of encouragement” GOOD SIR

omggggg hey pythorrrrr :)

I love rodrigo so much and for what. A singular scene

ALSO HES LIVING IN A DOLL HOUSE

I love pythor calling Chen culturally insensitive

PYTHOR I DO NOT TRUST YOU

“Everyone knows there’s no such thing as ghosts!”heeehe well about thatttt

Pythor I’ve missed you so much

*aggressively brushes your teeth*

FUCKING CHEN AGHHHH

HOW DID THEY GET THE STONE WARRIOR IN THERE-HOW DID THEY FIND HIM AT ALL THAT PUT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BOTTOMLESS

Hey cryptor:)

HEY WAIT WHERES MINDROID BEEN???????? MY MOST BELOVED CHARACTER OF SEASON THREE NOT INCLUDING BORG AND PIXAL?????

Hey remember when garmadon threw Lloyd through six concrete walls here? Good times

WHA WHAG DID THE MOVIE GOERS DO????

“No more smashing walls!!” Wu how I’ve missed you

WILHELM SCREAM WHAT WAS OUR COUNTER ONE SEC

Wilhelm scream counter: 5

“I have my honor you know!” “And we have a swamp rat.” PYTHOR NOOOOOOO

“A true anacondrai” pythor you ATE the anacondrai

Also isn’t this terrorism

Hm. Worrying.

WAIT ARE WE GONNA GET THE DESTINY’S BOUNTY BACK??? HECK YEAHHHH

Oh what a well timed power failure

God I want to kill him, it has been some time since I truly wanted to annihilate a main villain like this

Hmm. Cole’s dragon is pretty

KAI WERE YOU REALLY THE BEST PERSON TO SEND ON THIS SPECIFIC ONE

h okay so I had to go do something, lemme skip forward real quick one sec I think we were at Kai burning down Ninjago city

Oh wow I was way farther in the episode than I thought I was

Okay we’re back

HOW DARE THEY VANDALIZE ZANE’S STATUE?!??!!?!

Kai please stop starting mindless fires this is a heavily populated area

Lloyd you can’t keep falling from great heights like this

This is actually somewhat worrying-OH OKAY RIP JAMANAKAI VILLAGE

[ask-carrier-kaiju]

June 3, 2024 (aka: Ivory)

Emergency situation. Mangrove tidal barrier compromised. Coastal defense walls 84, 85, 95, 98, 111, 112, 113, 119, 120, 129, 131, 138, and 148 breached. All fleets within 20 kilometers of -

click

"It's around the Bunker 8 area this time. Who's on patrol right now?"

"E13S-4, E2C-17, Ce11L-3, Ce11L-4, and Mauve, it looks like."

"Only one carrier? That's…rough. Any Rotocarriers available for support?"

"…one should be in the Bunker 5 area, last I checked."

"B7R-3. That's…Ivory. I'll page Bunker 5."

…

…

"Hey. What the hell."

"What? What's going on?"

"Where's Ivory?"

"You mean they can't find her?"

"She's completely AWOL. 5, 8, NOBODY knows where she is. She's supposed to be right there, but she's just…somewhere else, I guess! And nobody knows where! She's still on Darkworld somewhere!"

"Yeah, that's weird. It's not like a 1000-ft sheep Kaiju could just wander off unnoticed. So…"

"Where the hell is Ivory?"

Ivory looked around. Beach that way. Beach the other way. Sand as far as she could see.

Where the hell was she? This is… a desert. And there's the ocean here, so…

How did it get like this? She just wandered off for a second.

'// Ok', she thought. '// Don't overthink this. There has to be a way to remotely get in contact with someone. // Wait, Saffron! Of course. She got a new job recently.

"// Communications centre; left roto-partial. Can you connect me to the satellite messaging network?"

A second or so passed. The aircraft-carrier platform on her port side stirred with human activity for a moment, then a message from its air traffic tower.

"That's out of our range, sorry."

"// Hm. Maybe I could do it?"

"Oh, right, we can fly you up. 3 kilometers off the surface should be enough for you, correct?"

"// It's worth a shot. Thank you, admiral. You are the smallest and best human. End transmission#"

The rotors flared to life, propellors spinning with immense force, kicking up sand below. She felt the numerous invisibly small grains fly every which way, some creeping into her joints. Ick. Gross. She'd need a shower later.

She flew upwards, lifted by what to her were handbag-sized flying aircraft-carrier platforms along her sides, feeling the desert heat and wind give way to cooler, clearer air above. About six times her height in the air, she felt a tingle along her ears.

"There you are!! Ivory, you missed a battle, we were looking for you!"

"// Oh!! Oh no, super sorry. Nobody got hurt, right?"

"Thankfully not. We…got Amber to pick up some of the slack. She's going to be quite…enthusiastic about her performance for a while."

"// Thank goodness. I hope you don't mind me asking, and this might sound weird, but…do you know where I am?"

"…well, I can check your positioning signal, and - you're on the opposite side of Darkworld. How did you get over there? That's obscenely far away."

"// I suppose my mind just wandered while I was on patrol. I was thinking over some of those experiment results from the other day. Say, so I don't get lost on my way back, can you patch me through to Saff's Media Shift satellite relay?"

"I guess so."

"// Just trying to be courteous."

"Ok, it's done. Try not to wander off again, okay?"

"// Yes, sir! Of course, sir! #"

Ivory lowered back down to the ground, impacting the sand, and beginning her slow, meandering trek back, stepping over artificial riverbank encampments and manmade oases as she went. Kind of a big desert, even for her.

~~~

Let’s zoom out a bit.

Ivory, otherwise known as Unit B7R-3, is a ‘Rotocarrier’, a classification given to Kaiju that haul ships designed for autonomous flight. Given they approximate the size of certain aircraft carriers, these ships are the largest flight-capable vehicles mankind has ever created. To separate them into clean halves, and sandwich a Kaiju in the middle makes their feat of flight even more impressive.

There are more interesting things about Ivory than just that, but a picture is worth a thousand words. We'll uplink you with Ivory shortly. During this time, both Ivory and Saffron will handle Media Shift communications. Get along.

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"Bank Clerk, Victim of Race Track Shark, Goes to Prison for 4 Years," Toronto Star. October 1, 1912. Page 8. ---- DAZZLED BY A RACE TOUT, HE WENT RAPIDLY TO RUIN ---- Wined and Dined and Taken for Motor Rides by Grey-Haired Man. Young Bank Clerk Dipped His Hand Deeply Into the Institution's Till. ---- STOLE THOUSANDS IN FEW WEEKS. --- PENITENTIARY IS HIS HOME NOW ---- "I am not going to say anything to add to your misery. I am sure you must feel it keenly. You occupied a position of trust and stole twenty-six thousand dollars in a comparatively short time. In this case, therefore, the sentence must be severe I think, however, that at least there should be more explanation of what you did with the money. It is of public interest to know what happens to the money of young men who go astray."

With these remarks Judge Denton, presiding in the Sessions Court, sentenced Arthur R. Ricamond. a clean-cut looking young man of twenty-seven, to spend four years in Kingston Penitentiary for the theft of over $26.000 while occupying the position of teller and accountant at the Elm street branch of the Bank of Toronto, to which he pleaded guilty through his counsel, Mr. T. C. Robinette.

Took It Quickly, In Big Sums. Questioned by County Crown Attorney Greer, Mr. Robert M. Gray, manager of the branch, the only witness called, stated that the amount the bank accused him of taking was $26,087.73, although since then it had been found that the total sum missing was a little larger. He said that on July 12 Richmond's cash was all right, and he presumed that the thefts commenced within a week or ten days after that date. The theft was discovered on August 19.

"How was the money taken?" asked his Honor.

"It was just taken in cold cash-except small amounts which were charged up in notes against other people"

"Isn't the cash balanced every right?" Judge Denton asked, his voice evidencing surprise.

"Yes, sir, but he was both accountant and teller."

"Have you found out where the money has gone?"

"He said he spent it on ponies - most of it - and women."

"Horse-racing," was his Honor's comment.

Mr. Robinette, in making plea for a light sentence, said that the young man was born in Gaspe, Que, where his mother lives. He is the son of a clergyman, and has one brother who is suffering from tuberculosis.

"Richmond," said Mr. Robinette, "attended Bishop's College at Lennoxville, Que.. for five years. He then entered the bank at Gaspe, and in turn, worked in branches of the Bank of Toronto in Montreal, Hastings, Peterboro, and Toronto.

In Toils of a Tout. "I have had several talks with him during the five weeks he has been in jail. In talking with him I found that he fell in with a sort of race-track man, whose name has been mentioned. and for whom I am told the police are looking, and the kind of man whom the regular bookies do not recognize or have anything to do with. This man got Richmond in his clutches. He got him to a certain place where they had a little dinner. He brought a couple of fake jockeys - supposed to run at Fort Erie. Richmond was taken in and this man got a large block of money from him - how much I have not yet learned. It was put up at Hamilton and other race tracks. Richmond lost.

"Richmond did not buy automobiles. He has no more clothes than the ordinary young man. Mention has been made of women. Well, there was one woman, but she hasn't got any of his money."

"One woman is sometimes enough," commented his Honor.

"One good woman is enough for any one man" said Mr. Robinette. "This young man has lost everything. He is down and out. The man I speak of got this fellow and got him hard."

His Eyes on the West. Mr. Robinette said that Richmond had said to him: "I know I must take punishment. When I have served my term I am going West, and make a new name for myself."

Judge Denton asked to be told the difference between this and the case of Harris, who was given three years, and was told that Harris was 22 years old, Richmond 27. Harris stole $21,000. Richmond $26.000.

"To-day is the first time I have heard of this race-track man," said Mr Greer, mentioning his name. "The Pinkerton detective is here and says if Richmond had told him that. some salvage might have been saved."

Mr. Gray, recalled to testify, said that the only mention he had heard made was by the prisoner's landlady. She had told him that if he got hold of the grey-haired man who rode around with Richmond in an automobile," they would have the man who was responsible for the bank clerk's downfall.

Judge Denton then passed sentence, and the only sign Richmond gave was the nervous twitching of his mouth. After a few words of encouragement from Mr. Robinette he walked briskly out of the room.

[AL: Richmond was convict #F-484 at Kingston Penitentiary. A first time prisoner from a good family - a so-called 'accidental prisoner' and a white collar one to boot - he was never reported for any infraction. He worked as a clerk and an inmate assistant in the staff office. He was paroled in late 1914.]

[pisupsala]

One for The History Books [Chapter 2] [Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw]

[Summary] You are an archivist at the Pentagon, sent on assignment to TOPGUN to catalog and report on a top secret mission. In the days under the Californian sun, a certain naval aviator puts your once orderly life in a tailspin that you might never recover from.

[Pairing] Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!reader / Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x fem!oc

[Warnings] Mature content: swearing, eventual (explicit) smut. 18+ only. [Words] 3.5k [Index] All Chapters | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Epilogue [Library]

One for The History Books - Chapter 2: Threading Water The preparations for the mission had started in earnest. The top graduates had been recalled for trials and training, and seasoned aviator Captain Pete “Maverick” Mitchell was leading the effort as the instructor. With the tight deadline for the mission, there were practice flights nearly every day. For you, this meant an influx of data, flights, and debriefs to work through for the daily report. The DoD was keeping a keen eye on the progress of the mission—the risks associated with the plan would push the pilots and fighter jets to the absolute limit. That limit is what the brass was mostly interested in. If the chosen squadron could pull this off, it would set a new precedent in Super Hornet capabilities—and in its pilots'. Only the best of the best were even considered for this.

Rifling through the pilots' profiles, he had not escaped your notice. And how could he have? The moment you opened the manila folder, his picture stared at you. How a simple headshot could make you blush, was beyond you. But now you had a name to the face. Lieutenant Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw.

In those first days of the mission training, you came to two conclusions: One—you are insanely attracted to Lieutenant Bradshaw. Two—everyone that is part of this mission is fucking insane.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the course of the years, you have read hundreds, if not thousands, of training logs and mission reports. Never have you seen a level of ego and insubordination like during this mission prep. Every other day had some sort of incident—breaking rules of engagement, dangerous maneuvers, not following direct orders.

You've put together reports on service members being hit with non-judicial punishments for a lot less than this, yet at TOPGUN no formal punishment had been meted out. They really like doing things their way here. Which is why they understandably don't like the DoD—you in this case—poking around.

It's about five days into the training when Vice Admiral Simpson comes by your office one morning, holding a thin folder in his hand. You are sorting and filing logs from the previous day, readying them for the archive. You quickly stand up as he comes in. “Miss Williams, did this pass your desk yesterday?” He asks, skipping over any pleasantries, as he casually lobs the file on your overfilled desk. You cringe slightly as the neat piles of paper on your desk shift. You pick the file up, and quickly scan the first page. An incident report of a scuffle between Lt. Bradshaw and Lt. Seresin during morning instruction. You remember being somewhat surprised a report was even filed on this, as no brass witnessed the incident and no one was hurt. “It did, sir.” You look back up at him, smiling politely. He regards you with a guarded expression. Something is up, you decide. There is no reason for him to come to ask about something so minor, especially in the context of everything else happening during the mission prep. “It was not included in the daily report yesterday.” He states simply, staring you down. You blink. Where is he going with this? “The indecent report stated it was a personal issue between Lt. Bradshaw and Lt. Seresin,” You start cautiously. You feel the heat creep up your neck, as it happens every time you are nervous. When Simpson doesn't stop you, you continue: “Therefore, it carries no relevancy for the purpose of the daily report, which is solely concerned with the progress of the mission.”

You stretch out your arm, offering the file back to him. He makes no move to take it from you. “Who made the call to leave it out? You or Corporal Riks?” You narrow your eyes. Did he want the incident to be reported to the DoD? This line of questioning doesn't sit well with you. The heat has reached your cheeks by now. You breathe out and steel your spine. Stay clam, you tell yourself—you didn't do anything wrong. “I did, sir.” You swallow. “I deemed it irrelevant information for the Pentagon in the context of yesterday's report, as it would distract from facts pertinent to the success of the mission.”

You quickly shut your mouth. Now is not the time to ramble. Especially as you don't want to mention that Riks had wanted to include it, but left you to finalize the report, which is why it never made it in. Vice Admiral Simpson finally takes the file from your hand. His demeanor softens ever so slightly. “You are more perceptive than you let on, Miss Williams.” You look at him questioningly. “This incident report could have had unfortunate consequences for everyone involved in this high-stakes environment, you understand that.” You nod slightly, and your nerves calm. You hope your face is not the red, splotchy mess it has the habit of turning into under pressure. Vice Admiral Simpson cracks a smile. “I recognize good thinking when I see it. And I like what I'm seeing here.” Again, without any care for pleasantries, he walks out with the file under his arm. You sag back into your chair. This whole assignment was taking a turn for the fucking weird.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The next day already, late in the afternoon, Vice Admiral Simpson called on you. You are hoofing it after him in the late afternoon sun past the parked fighter jets. Your arms are full of data folders he wants you to look at—which is really not helping you keep up with his long strides back to your office. Why do the armed forces insist on having so much on paper anyway?

“Of course, you understand the gravity of the situation.” He talks without looking back at you. “The data from the training runs needs to look favorable.” You squint against the low sun shining on your face. It's becoming clear to you what Vice Admiral Simpson's end game is—funding for TOPGUN. Even if the mission were to fail, the training and prep must appear picture-perfect. So far, the pilots' flight times are not looking too good. No one had made a fully successful run so far. You look away from the sun. Across the runway, a pilot is doing push-ups next to his jet, and the warrant officer is counting: 82…83… Your breath stops for a moment. It's Lt. Bradshaw. And he looks hot. Temperature hot, that is. Sweat is dripping down his brow as he's going through the motions in full flight gear, only his helmet discarded to the side. You haven't seen him since the night in the bar. You wonder idly if he's going to be there again the coming weekend. Do the pilots get any liberty at all while training? Focus! You look back at Simpson, who hasn't noticed your distraction. Bradshaw hasn't taken notice of you, either. You clench your jaw—you need to keep your head straight. This assignment is mired in politics, so you need to tread carefully in the reports. Cute airmen don't make for good work. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes you a good 30 minutes to sort the folders on your desk in a way that makes sense. Your brain feels depleted. The heat, the weird mounting political pressure—normally you'd grab a file and read during the evening to get a head start. Tonight, you just want your brain to stop thinking for a while. You get a bottle of water from the vending machine on your way back outside. Putting a hand in your pocket, you start walking back to the barracks. As you pass the parked jets, you hear a pained grunt. Your head whips around to see Lt. Bradshaw flop over on his back from the push-up position. Was he still out here doing push-ups? His chest heaves with heavy and raspy breaths, like his throat and mouth are bone dry. You stand still for a moment, heart pounding. Should you? You look at the bottle in your hand. It's not weird, right? You take a tentative step forwards. He looks like he could really use it. Your fist clenches in your pocket. You decisively start walking across the tarmac to where Lt. Bradshaw is splayed out. His eyes are closed, and he gives no indication he hears you approach. You could still turn back?

Jesus Christ, just offer the man the bottle of water, you fucking nerd, you chastise yourself.

You stop a few feet away from his prone body. You swallow, your own mouth now strangely dry. “Hey, do you need some water?” The words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. Lt. Bradshaw shoots up, and looks at you, eyes wide. You awkwardly hold out the cold water bottle to him. Neither of you moves for a second. His eyes are fixed on your face. “Ah- I didn't… it's still sealed.” The heat is creeping up the back of your neck again. “I just got it from the machine back there… at the offices. It's just regular wa-”. You are rambling. Take a breath.

“I just thought you looked like you needed it more than I did.” You finish lamely.

He pulls himself up to his full height and wipes the sweat on his brow with the sleeves of his flight suit. When he looks back up at you, he has a small smile on his face, although it doesn't quite reach his eyes. “Some water sounds amazing, thank you.” His voice is raspy, but every bit a smooth as it was at the Hard Deck. He takes the bottle from you, opens it and throws his head back drinking from it. You can only watch his throat move as he swallows, the tan skin shimmering with sweat. Why does that look so hot? “Fuck, I needed that.” He quickly looks at you to gauge your reaction to him swearing. You just feel the heat from your neck creeping further up. “Sorry, force of habit around base.” He says easily, mistaking your creeping blush for indignation.

“Oh, no, don't worry. I'm used to a lot worse around.” You bite your lip. Don't start rambling now. He's probably beat and just being polite. “And where is around?” His heavy breath seems to have come down as he casually takes another sip of water. He regards you with observant eyes—you are a civilian on a naval base, after all. Your fingers fidget in your pocket.

“The Pentagon, mostly.” You admit hesitantly. You look back at him—he just grins playfully. “You're not with Internal Affairs or something, are you?” You frown for a second. Low blow. “Pff, no. Hate to disappoint, but I work in the archives.” You keep your voice steady. You like your job and are proud of it. “Far from disappointing, if you ask me.”. He takes another sip from the bottle, finishing it. The heat has reached your cheeks well and truly now. You just hope the sun sets soon, so it's less obvious. He runs a hand through his caramel colored hair, messing it up in the most delectable way. He looks at you for a moment. “I don't think we got introduced...” He starts and he outstretches his hand towards you. “Ah, yeah. No, of course.” You bumble. Shit, you're not supposed to know his name. Operational security dictates you can't let on you're reporting on the highly classified mission he's part of, which is why you already know his name. And a good part of his service record to boot. You take his hand in yours. His palm is hot and rough against yours. You feel as if flames might burst out of your hand where his fingers are pressing against your skin. You can hear your heart thump loudly. “Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw. Call sign Rooster.” His soft brown eye bore into yours as he gently squeezes your hand. “Darcy Williams. Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant.” You smile. “The pleasure is all mine, Miss Williams.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s just two days later, on a crisp and early Friday morning, you see him again. You're sitting in the nearly empty chow hall for a way too early breakfast, scanning through a report that needs editing. Work is piling up, so you're looking to get an early start. A girl's gotta multitask sometimes, but so far not one bite of the cereal you got made into your mouth. Engrossed in your reading, you spoon up some rapidly going soggy cornflakes, let it hover over the bowl for a good half minute, before putting it back, grabbing your pen to cross something out on the paper before you. The report is increasingly more handwriting than typed text.

As you put your pen down, your hand goes for your coffee, which is the only thing you've consumed so far. You are so engrossed in your work, you don't notice someone walking up to your table.

“Is this seat taken?” You blink up from the file in your hand, looking straight at Lt. Bradshaw's innocently smiling face. Your mouth goes dry. He's dressed in the standard issue Navy PT kit, looking unfairly good in the dark blue shirt and shorts. The shirt clings to him in just such a way you can see the muscle definition of his chest. “Ah—yeah. I mean, no, go ahead.” Great going, numb nuts. You smile at him—you are happy to see him, even happier he's talking to you, but your brain seems to have forgotten how to English. He sits down across from you with his own breakfast tray. You look at your cereal from the corner of your eye—it seems to have died a soggy death about 10 minutes ago already. You reach for your coffee instead.

“So, what are you reading that's so interesting, it's stopping you from eating breakfast?” Bradshaw asks as he digs into his own breakfast of eggs and bacon.

Gah, he noticed? “Nothing interesting, just bad, unfortunately.” You shake your head. “My breakfast is just collateral damage to the absolute massacre of good thinking that is this report.”

Lt. Bradshaw grins at you. You smile back. You're glad your heart is not completely beating out of your chest as he regards you. “And it's up to you to give it last rites?” He intones lightly. “Ah, it's nothing a little TLC can't fix.” You shrug. “Soon this report will join the rest of them in the dark and dusty archives of the Pentagon, and possibly never the light of day again. Not exactly a happy ending.” “Can't be that bad if it's you looking after them there.” You still as your cheeks suddenly start feeling warm. Lt. Bradshaw has a too innocent smile on his face. He is enjoying this. “So what about you?” You quickly change the subject. “Off to morning PT?” “Physical, and then maneuvers in the afternoon” He answers vaguely between bites. You know he's being evasive because he's on a highly classified training, so you don't push him on it. “And push-ups in the evening?” You quip before you can stop yourself. His eyes shoot up at yours. You bite your lip. He leans forward. “Well, why don't you stop by the lot later and find out?” His eyes are boring into yours. Your spine is tingling from the intensity of his stare. Leaning your chin on your free hand, you dare yourself to lean the slightest bit forward too.

“I guess it could be on my way.” Pretend to think. “I might j-” “WILLIAMS!” Curse Riks, and his entire family tree. His yell from the far end of the chow hall startles you, and your elbow collides with your bowl of cereal, causing the spoon to topple out with a loud clang. Now everyone is staring at you. Just the way you like it, you think sourly. You look around to see him making a beeline toward you. The look on his face suggests he's in a foul mood—the kind he gets into when he's been chewed out by a superior. And now he's about to make it your problem. He slams a large folder in front of you, narrowly missing your mug of coffee. He plants his hand on the table with a resounding slap and bends over to you. Is he trying to intimidate you? You keep your face neutral while you stare back at him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing you scared or frazzled by his actions. “Yesterday's report was rejected by Vice Admiral Simpson.” He grinds out, eyes blazing. “And your phone was off.” You keep looking at him with a steely expression. Your phone wasn't off, you were. You worked late, ate a whole shitty pizza from the shady-looking place on base and pretty much passed out. “I was busy.” You intone mildly, not shifting an inch or elaborating. A clang of cutlery on a plate breaks the tension momentarily. Lt. Bradshaw put down his fork obnoxiously, and any shred of a smile has been wiped off his face. He looks unimpressed, to say the least. “I - g -good morning, Lieutenant.” Riks suddenly stutters, as he salutes. Lt. Bradshaw just nods back in reply. Oh. So he rates a good morning, and you get yelled at? You involuntarily scrunch up your nose in indignation.

As Riks stumbles his way through an apology to Bradshaw, you pick up the report he threw in front of you. Quickly scanning the first page, you feel your eyebrows just about rise into your hairline. “You rejected every edit I made.” You exclaim, whipping your head back at Riks. Jesus Christ, no wonder it was rejected—he sent in what is essentially a first draft. Suddenly finding his balls back, Riks fires back at you: “They were bad. You practically fucking tanked the report with your shitty re-writes.” You know your cheeks are blazing red now, the anger and embarrassment practically radiating from them. You take a deep breath through your nose. But before you can open your mouth to argue back, another voice rings through the chow hall: “Admiral on deck!” Chairs scrape as everyone hurries to stand, and Vice Admiral Simpson is already barreling towards your table. Does everyone have it out for you today? You quickly use your free hand to smooth out your skirt, still holding the rejected report in your other. “As you were.” Simpson says simply as he approaches. From the corner of your eye, you see Lt. Bradshaw sit back down, his eyes on you. You stay on your feet, considering it best to face the Vice Admiral head-on. “Miss Williams” He starts as a greeting. “I see Corporal Riks already handed over the report to you, good.” You nod mutely. Oh, did Riks get his ass handed to him by Simpson? That would be something to behold, you think venomously. “I trust in your skills to get this report up to my expectations.” He continues sternly. “I'm going to need it polished and ready to go on my desk within the hour.” Your jaw clenches. Just, like, fuck you, right? “That's not going to be a problem, is it, Miss Williams?” You school your face in to a professional and polite smile. “Of course not, sir. I'll get started right away.” Simpson takes his leave as abruptly as he arrived, not sparing you a second glance. You let out a sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. So much for a quiet breakfast. “Right, so, I'll just take these then?” Riks reaches out for the papers you have been working on. “Don't touch my files.” You interject forcefully, tone icy. Riks raises his eyebrows as you start demonstratively stacking the files, your phone, and your pen into your arms. Lt. Bradshaw is still following your every move from the other side of the table. You are too annoyed to feel self-conscious under his stare. Arms now full, you look at the tray with your discarded breakfast. You need to take it back, but you also don't want to put all your stuff back down after you packed it all on so stubbornly. Riks, asshole extraordinaire, makes no move to help you and just stands there with his arms crossed. “Don't worry, miss Williams, I'll get your tray for you.” Lt. Bradshaw, officer and gentleman, smoothly saves you from your self-imposed predicament. You flash him a broad smile. “Thank you, Lt. Bradshaw. I owe you one.” He winks. He winks? Your breath hitches. Your tongue quickly skims over your dry lips. What is this man doing to you? “Let's get going, then?” Riks sounds annoyed as he's already walking towards the exit.

You spy your mug of coffee—there's still quite a bit in there, although it has cooled significantly. Fuck it, you decide, you're going to need all the energy you can get. In one fell swoop, you grab the mug and drain it in two big gulps. As you put it back and wipe the corners of your mouth with your hand, your eyes meet Lt. Bradshaw's. His eyes look dark as he is leaned back in his chair, fingers pressed against the edge of the table. The look in his eyes makes your stomach clench. Squeaking out a goodbye, you almost run out of the chow hall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[note] Yeah, this fic is going to be exponentially longer than I planned. I had to leave out a complete section, as this chapter is already long enough. However, I promise the pre-amble for the story is done now, and we can dive in to scenes with Rooster and filth. Which what we are here for, after all. [edited and updated March 2023]

[radiant-reid]

Teenage Heartbreak and Impromptu Parenting

Summary: Spencer had to bluff his way around helping his daughter through her first heartbreak.

Hey! I'm new to your account and love the stories that you write. Not sure if you've done this before, but could you maybe do one where sometime in the future, reader and Spencer's daughter gets her first real boyfriend (and heartbreak)? Very curious on how he'll react. Thanks! Hi can I request spencer with a teenage daughter?

A/n: Thank you so much to these anons, i just love dad!spence

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Fluff)

Content Warning: swearing | a little heartbreak

Word Count: 1.4k

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In the 16 years, Spencer had been a father, he had known how to solve every problem his kids came across. From questions about how to best kick a soccer ball or throw a softball to how to do math homework, he was all over it. Y/n usually dealt with friendship issues because her husband didn't have enough experience from his adolescence.

He had just gotten in from a case, greeting the two youngest Reid children with a kiss and a hug before going to see who else was home.

"Hey, handsome." Y/n greeted him when he walked into the living room, sitting up on the couch. "I missed you." Spencer bent down so he could place a kiss on her lips, a routine thing that still made her smile softly.

"I missed you, too." He sat next to his wife, resting his head on her shoulder as he read the page of the book she was reading in a second. "Where's Nora?" He asked with his concerned tone audible about their oldest child, Eleanor.

She hesitated a little to answer, which she knew he would realize. "With her boyfriend." She tried to say as nonchalantly as possible.

"Oh, that's cool. Really, really cool." He quickly replied, alerting to the fact something obviously wasn't cool.

"Spencer." She warned, laying into the speech required to remind him Eleanor wasn't a baby anymore. "Don't go getting all overprotective on her. Especially not if you're not going to keep the same energy with her brothers. She's 16. It's normal for her to want to hang out with her friends and date. Plus, she's never done anything to break our trust and, not to brag, but we taught her well."

Dramatic as always, he sighed before his face settled in a pouting expression. "I think he's a dick." He mumbled.

His comment about the 17-year-old boyfriend earnt him a smack on the shoulder. "He called you sir and shook your hand. That's a lot more than some other guys, trust me."

"It's the bare minimum." He huffed, tugging at his curls. "I'm going to get Garcia to look him up."

"Don't you dare." Y/n sternly cautioned, narrowing her glare. "Trust is a two-way street, babe."

Still, Spencer didn't look enthusiastic about his daughter being a teenager. "I just want them to stay little forever." He complained, shifting so he could pull her into his lap, in alignment with the clinginess that was present when he came back from a case.

"Oh, I know. That's why we have, like, 9 kids." She joked, leaning into his chest.

He snorted out a laugh at that. "We have 4." He corrected.

"I got you laughing, though." She gloated, kissing his cheek. "Don't worry about her, though. She's just as smart as you."

"I just wish she was as weird as me." He commented.

She leaned in to kiss his cheek again, and his arms tightened around her. "I think you did pretty well."

"Oh, I most definitely did." Spencer agreed, moving his head so he could kiss her on the lips. Y/n deepened the kiss, letting her book drop on the floor, abandoned in favor of a makeout session.

He leaned over her, and she shuffled back so she could lay against the armrest, cupping his cheeks. His hands stayed on her waist, not inclined to move upward or downward when there was a chance the kids could walk in, a mistake they'd made before when he'd gotten handsy.

They pulled apart when the front door opened before slamming closed, and someone stomped into the lounge, not waiting to reveal themselves.

"Could you two stop being disgustingly in love for one day!?" Their absent daughter with mascara stains down her cheek and in a tone much angrier than usual.

She didn't want for a reply either, stomping further off into the house before they heard her bedroom door slam closed, even louder than when she was mad at them.

Sharing a confused look, Y/n sat up, pushing Spencer off her. "What was that?" He asked, unsure if he'd missed out on a social cue at some point during the day.

She grimaced, knowing what the outburst looked like. "I'm guessing that dick of a boyfriend broke up with her."

"What? Why?" He was immediately defensive, snapping to a surge of out-of-character anger. It had always been his first priority to make sure his kids were safe protective of them because of what he'd seen.

"That's what teenagers do." She reminded him. Although she didn't like seeing her daughter cry, it was an unfortunate part of growing up.

Spencer huffed again. "I'm definitely going to get Penelope to find out about him now."

"I'll put the little kids to bed, and you go and comfort her." Y/n decided, already getting off the couch to spring into action.

"Wait, no, Y/n, I can't fix this," Spencer called out, feeling useless in the situation. "I don't know how to help her."

She stepped closer to him, patting him on the shoulder. "Just... speak from your heart because I know you've got a big one." She instructed, walking down the hall again.

Hesitantly, he wandered up the stairs while his wife, who really should have been doing the comforting, went to see the youngest Reid children. Since they'd been up and active all day, Sebastian and Matilda were easy to get to bed, and she went in the direction Spencer did after kissing them goodnight.

For a minute, she hesitated at the half-closed door, out of eyesight but within earshot. "I know I'm not a relationship expert, and I can go and get Mom if you want." He was stalling Y/n knew that.

And apparently, Eleanor did too. "No, I want to talk to you." She said softly, tears still streaming down her cheeks. They were sitting at the edge of her bed with Spencer's arm wrapped around her shoulder as she cried.

"I don't have much relationship experience, but I'm here for you, whatever you need." He assured her, hating the broken look on her face, completely crushed. Although Spencer had other situations that made him feel like that, he'd never gone through a breakup in his teens or before he met Y/n.

Eleanor sobbed, her attention focused on the ground as she futilely wiped her tears, feeling silly for crying over a dumb boy. "He made me feel all those cliche feelings about being a teenager in love, and I thought he liked me." She mumbled, voice quieting as she neared the end of her sentence. "He told me I was pretty and everything."

He pulled her into a tighter hug, reading between the lines. "Nora, nothing you felt makes you foolish or unoriginal, and you're so, so beautiful."

A light laugh came from her. "You have to say that."

"I guess." Spencer agreed. "But I mean it completely."

"Thank you," Eleanor replied, a little more consoled. Her father's words didn't make her stop hurting, but they made it both easier to deal with and to think about the future.

Y/n decided it was a good time to interrupt, pushing the door open more like she hadn't been standing outside. "Hey, are you doing okay?" She asked, leaning against the dresser.

The polaroid photos she had hanging up in a heart shape were disfigured, a few clearly ripped off the wall, and his sweater was abandoned on the floor.

"Yeah." Eleanor nodded, holding her arms open so Y/n could hug her. "And I'm sorry, I don't mind you being disgustingly in love." She mumbled, looking between her very much in love parents. It made it easy to see that there was hope for her future relationships, but it might have been the reason why her standards for relationships were so high.

"It's okay, I get it." Y/n thought back to her own teenage relationships, and her heart ached for her daughter. "But there's Ben and Jerry's in the freezer that your siblings won't be able to eat, and you can pick whatever movie you want, and we'll make your dad sit through the whole thing." She promised, pulling the girl in for another hug.

Spencer frowned, not liking the promise she was making on his behalf, but then he looked at his daughter, and he couldn't have been more proud of her or thankful for the life he had. "Alright, let's do it."

Maybe Spencer didn't have all the answers that he thought were required to be a father, but he always knew how to make things better.

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[bubblyhoney]

win for me

warnings: lAnGuAgE, alcohol consumption (both reader and all other characters are of age to drink), marijuana use, Making Out™️, a miniscule Flowers from 1970 reference. PSA: WHEN UR INTOXICATED AND/OR AT A PARTY, TELL UR FRIENDS WHO YOU WILL BE WITH AND WHERE YOU WILL BE AT ALL TIMES. DRINK AND PARTY SAFELY!

tags: sapnap x fem!reader

summary: a collection of moments throughout the beginning of your relationship

words: 5000

A/N: even though this isn’t my most organized or perfect fic this was so incredibly fun to write. and it’s a college!au!! one of my favs. hope you guys like!! let's pretend the pandemic doesn't exist for this one too (please wear ur masks btw)

-

Sophomore Year:

Smells like shit in here is your first thought upon entering the laundromat.

It does, in all honesty. What would you expect a place where college students wash three months of dirty clothes and comforters with vomit to smell like? Urine and just a hint of marijuana, incidentally. The door closes noisily behind you and a guy in a black baseball hat turns his head at the noise. Half of his face is hidden underneath the shadow of his scruff and he says nothing, but you still offer an obligatory polite-stranger smile. The place is pretty deserted, what for it being nearly 4 in the morning. And you’re a rare kind of customer; only a few things to wash and you brought your own detergent.

There’s an empty washer next to an old woman in an acid-trip of a parka, and you sweep past the few other patrons with your mesh bag close. The man in the hat nods at you as you pass, looking up from his phone.

Okay. Dark load in one and delicates in the other, you remind yourself. The quarters get pushed through the slot (not without dropping three and having to scramble to pick them up before they disappear between the machines) and you fill the dispensers with a flowery laundry detergent your roommates hates. Oh, and the clothes go in. Done. You relax into a cracked plastic booth around the corner of the machine, pulling a book of crosswords from your bag.

Somebody yelps halfway through filling out a five letter word (“a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep”) and you jump. Baseball Cap rips open the dryer, fumbling around and supplying a pair of gray sweatpants. You can’t help but watch. He digs through both front pockets, pulling out a wad of dollar bills. He sighs, shoves the pants back into the dryer, and starts it with a hard push.

“Gut feeling?” You ask. He looks around for a second and settles his gaze upon you. Nice eyebrows, you think.

“Yeah,” he laughs, slightly nervous. “Yeah. I wore them yesterday and just remembered I put some tip money in my pocket.” Leaning back onto the shelf behind him, he shoves his phone into his pocket and folds his arms tight to his chest.

“I feel you,” you empathize, and set down your pencil. “I washed a parking ticket with my underwear last week.”

He stutters out a laugh, nodding.

“That must’ve sucked,” he adds.

“Yeah.” You shrug. “I wasn’t going to pay it anyways, but would’ve been nice to keep it for memory’s sake.” Rubbing at your knee offhandedly, you just watch him. He’s cute. And easy to make conversation with.

“Hey, um,” he mutters and clears his throat. “Do you by chance know some guy named Karl? Tall, messy brown hair and a horrible laugh?”

You open your mouth, then close it.

“Actually—,” you start but huff out a laugh. “Yeah, he’s uh, he’s dating my roommate. Why’d you ask?”

Reaching a hand to rub at his neck, his face twists into something sheepish.

“I’ve seen you at some parties this semester. I didn’t mean to sound creepy like that— I just—yeah.” His cheeks flush pink and he looks down to the ground.

“No worries,” you say, barely even thinking. “I think I’ve seen you too. You’re in Delta Tau Delta, right?”

“Nah, nah,” he laughs. “Just got some friends in there.”

“Ah.” You nod.

The conversation falls into silence, but not uncomfortable silence. He pulls out his phone again, and you look back to the crossword in front of you. The old woman between you leaves with a humongous load of blankets and a small family leaves with a cart full of bags; now it’s just you two.

When the washer with your delicates ding you nearly jump two feet in the air. Exhaling, you set your work down and open the door.

“Shit,” you curse as two bras fall onto the tile. You reach down to get a hand on a black lace bra and hide it quickly under your elbow. A sneaker squeaks loud in the almost-empty room and you see Baseball Cap’s shoulders.

“Here.” He’s kneeling as he hands you your pink bra and you accept it, biting your lower lip.

“Thanks,” you mumbles, slightly embarrassed, and step back to shove those bras and a couple pairs of your underwear into your bag. He offers you a small smile and backs off to his own machines, humming an off-key version of Unchained Melody to himself. Your other load of laundry gets shoved right on top of your delicates.

It’s when you’re nearly out the door, bell jingling, that you think to look back.

“Hey,” you start, almost stuttering for no reason. “What’s your name?”

He turns, dark eyebrows raised.

“My—uh… My friends call me Sapnap. You can call me that too.” Rosy cheeks once again; you seem to be making him awfully nervous.

“Sapnap.” You try it in your mouth, pursing your lips. “Okay. I’ll see you around Sapnap.”

He nods, affirming your statement.

“See you around Y/N.”

It doesn’t hit you until you’re buckling your seatbelt and starting your car that you realize you didn’t tell him your name.

Perhaps he knew more about you than you thought.

Yeah, you laugh to yourself. Karl’s got a big mouth.

Junior Year:

It takes you a collective twelve minutes to go talk to him.

It’s quiet in the library, students that happen to come here to study or procrastinate few and far between the scattered tables. Your poison today is a 4 page history paper on Normandy that you’d been staring at the instructions for for days. You’d already written a bunch of, frankly, horseshit for the body, but the introduction and conclusion were throwing you for a loop.

The vibes in Ridgeback Hall were also certainly off, today more than any other day; the main help-desk was empty and everybody had to do the tedious task of locating niche textbooks themselves.

Lifting your head from the wood of the table, you squint and focus your vision on the guy in the white tee and denim jacket that had been the focus of your thoughts for minutes. He chews at the end of his pencil, mouth screwed up into a ball, and shoots daggers at the empty notebook in front of him. You’re surprised it hasn’t caught on fire yet just from his gaze.

“Sapnap!” You whisper-shout, stretching your arms across the table as if it would make him any closer. A person with purple hair jumps at your voice but turns back to their laptop. “Sapnap!” you try again, tapping two fingers on the table. His head jerks up, eyebrows furrowed and an angry expression on his face, but softens at the sight of you.

“Y/N,” he counters, equally as loud but with a smile on his face.

“What’re you doing?”

“Calculus.” He sticks his tongue out, making an awfully tortured face. You laugh and wave your fingers at him, gesturing for him to come closer. He just huffs out a sigh, stacks all his papers in one pile, and gets up. The trek over to your table is short but he takes it so slowly you wonder if he always walks like that. Like a varsity basketball player who just got off a horse.

“You’re so slow.”

“Shut up,” he grumbles and settles into a chair across from you. “It’s 2 pm, give me a break. I need a Redbull.”

“Those are bad for you, you know,” you say matter-of-factly and drop your chin onto your hand. He’s even cuter from this angle, you think briefly. He just rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, Miss I’d-like-some-coffee-with-my-sugar-and-cream,” he teases, pointing to your venti iced coffee. It’s about as pale as the color of a band-aid. You just sigh and close your eyes. “You tired?” He flips his pencil in his hand and leans back into the seat, sighing.

“Yeah,” you mumble. “I haven’t slept yet today.”

“Wow, you’re dumb.” He looks scandalized. You just shrug.

“Perhaps. I don’t really know why I did it actually— just for funzies!” You raise an arm but let it drop back down. “I stayed up playing Sims.”

“Feel that. I play Minecraft with my buddies until like 2 am every night too. It’s nice,” he decides and folds his arms across his chest. Your eyes flit over to his strong arms, admiring the way his denim shirt looks around them. Thick.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?” He says too loudly and it warrants a ‘shush’ from another student. He reddens, but looks back down to you. “I—why do you ask?” You shrug, eyebrows raised.

“Just wondering. You’re too cute to not have one.”

“Right,” he huffs, but his cheeks stay pink. You two fall into easy silence, his eyes trained on the notebook in front of him and yours closed peacefully. “Are you dating anyone?”

They snap open not-so-peacefully.

“Nope. You wanna submit a boyfriend application?” A smile cracks your lips and he grins back.

“Maybe,” he replies and stares at your mouth. “I have to say—,” He stretches into a yawn. “I think I’m qualified.”

“Oh, yeah?” Your eyebrow quirks. “And why are you so qualified?”

“Well, first of all, I work at Ace Hardware. That’s where cool people work.” He presses one finger into his palm. Then two. “And I have a bunch of free time because said job at Ace Hardware only likes scheduling me in the mornings. Plus, I’m hot.” He shrugs.

You nod faux-seriously, considering his list.

“Those are very good qualities, sir. I’ll have to get back to you on that.” You pause. “Okay, I’ll schedule an interview. How’s 7 pm at the Chili’s on Main? Chili’s is the designated interview place.” You wiggle your eyebrows. He just smiles at you, shaking his head in disbelief.

“That was smooth.”

“Yeah, I know.” You carefully study your nails. “I’m pretty impressive.”

“Clearly,” he mutters and chuckles. “But I do like their salsa. And margaritas. We got a deal?” He holds out a large hand. You take it, squeezing tightly.

“Hell yes.”

When you see the man called Sapnap a week later, you are very obviously in a different state of mind.

Same state, same college town, but very different blood alcohol contents.

“Sappy!” You shout, raising your arms above your head with a stupid grin on your face. He turns, that familiar look of surprise evident in his expression.

“Y/N,” he laughs and approaches your group of friends in the kitchen. It’s Greek Wedding night at Delta Tau Delta, and you assume Sapnap came to support Delta’s “groom” Alex. You’d gotten uncharacteristically drunk, trading air for sangria, and you were now in the incredible stage where everyone was both your friend and your favorite person.

Throwing an arm around his shoulders, you mash your face into his bicep and giggle.

“Missed you so much,” you try to manage out of your mouth, but it comes out slurred and stuttered. “So much.” You’d gone to Chili’s two days before and promised another ‘interview’ in the next few days, but it felt like two months away from your beloved. Beloved friend, that is. Only one date.

“Yeah?” He places a hesitant hand on your back and nudges you into a standing position. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Oh, shhhh,” you mumble and close your eyes. “Only— a lot.” Blinking them back open, you zero your gaze in on a bottle of Ciroc half-empty and looking very tempting on the kitchen island across from where you’re leaned up against the kitchen sink. He catches your gaze and steps in front of you, pleasant face filling your vision. You gasp.

“You are so cute.” Sliding your palms up onto his face, you hold his scruffy cheeks in your hands and smile all dopey at him.

“Is that your brain or the alcohol telling you that?”

“Uh,” you swallow. “Both. And my heart.”

He just shakes his head and his chest moves with a heavy laugh.

“Glad to hear it.”

“Are you having fun?” You ask, all concerned and furrowed eyebrows. You look like you’re genuinely interested and worried about if he’s having a good time or not, and it makes his expression melt.

“I’m having lots of fun,” he passes over his shoulder as he flips on the tap and fills a red solo cup with water. “In fact, I’m gonna have a nice, cold glass of water right now.” He shakes it like an owner offering their dog a treat.

You eye the cup in his hand, having half a thought that this might be some sort of backwards psychology move. The other half wins.

“That sounds so good right now— can I drink some?” Your eyebrows pull together and your bottom lip drops into a pout. It makes him blink for a second. He remembers the little game you’re playing and just hands it over, smug. You gulp it down quickly and crush the empty plastic into your palm with an exaggerated exhale. “Hit the spot,” you sigh, and pat your stomach fondly.

“You hungry?” Sapnap asks you as he steadies you with two hands on your shoulders. Something pops into your head at his words: a set of two McChickens and an Oreo milkshake.

“Oh my God,” you gasp, and mirror him by placing your hands on his shoulders. “Can we go to McDonald’s?”

He just shakes his head, grin wide on his lips, and shrugs. Perfect teeth, you think.

“I haven’t drank anything, so I’m good to drive.” He pulls his keys from his pocket. “I know you’re smashed right now so—do you feel safe with me?” The question falls from his mouth and you truly consider it, pulling your lip between your teeth.

“Yeah. I’ll take this just in case,” you say, and take a large dinner fork from the counter next to you. It has some red liquid on it that you brush off onto the fabric of your jeans.

“That’s actually gross.”

“Yeah.” You grip it tighter in your head. “But it’ll do the job if you try any shit. I’ll put this in your eyeball.” Brandishing it, a smile stretches onto your mouth. He just shakes his head and heads for the back door, jerking a hand in your direction to get you to follow him.

The cool night air explodes on your face when you step onto the porch and it makes you blink rapidly. Sapnap is right at your side, offering a forearm as you slowly make your way down the two back porch steps. A tall blonde smoking half of a blunt makes a grunt noise as you two pass and your knight-in-shining armor looks up.

“Gonna go get some food. Want anything?” Sapnap stops on the rocky path to the sidewalk, tilted up to hear the blonde’s response. The other guy shakes his head but nods to you in passing.

“I’ll tell her friends where she went,” says the blonde, and disappears through the sliding glass doors.

Your hand falls from his forearm to his hand and grasps it tightly, swinging back and forth as you stumble to his car. You flash him a grin that he just chuckles at.

“Watch your step,” he warns as you yank on the handle of the passenger door and nearly fall off of the curb.

“I’m fine,” you huff, and scramble to get yourself upright into the seat and buckled. He closes your door and jogs to the driver’s seat, climbing in and starting the engine quicker than your head comprehends.

The small space fills with the sound of Letters to Cleo as he’s maneuvering out of his parking spot and he slaps a hand at the stereo button almost immediately. His cheeks redden as he glances at you once.

“I love Letters to Cleo,” you admit, and switch it back on. Ah, Co-Pilot. A classic. “Be my co-pilot!” You sing, loud and sharp. He shakes his head but huffs out a reluctant laugh.

“My older sister loved them. Bit old for my taste, but—you know. Can’t deny that I love a little bit of 90’s angst.”

“Absolutely,” you nod vigorously and pick at your nail. “Oh!” The fork magically reappears at your side and you grab at it. “For my McChickens.”

“And for me,” he adds.

“Yup. You too.” But you drop it onto the seat and lean forward, fumbling with the volume dial until you feel the lead singer’s voice thumping into your heart. “I love this lady!” You shout and rock your head to the beat.

Shaking his head, his shoulders move in an easy laugh. The drive-thru line is kind of busy for 2 am, he notes, pulling in right behind a navy BMW sedan. But it moves quickly, especially when you’re moving in your seat, scream-singing the lyrics to I Want You To Want Me.

“Yeah,” he says, loud into the mic. “Two.”

“Alright.” The voice reports from the speaker, a background clicking joining their bored tone. “Two McChickens, a double cheeseburger—ketchup and pickle only— , a medium fry, and an Oreo McFlurry. Anything else, sir?”

Sapnap chews on his lip, and glances at you. You just give an encouraging thumbs up.

“That’ll be all,” he reports.

“Second window, and your total is $9.67.”

He barely has time to call a “thank you so much!” before the line ends with a click. Rude.

“Jesus Christ,” you moan the second you sink your teeth into your first sandwich.

“Agreed,” he mumbles and pushes as much cheeseburger he can fit into his mouth.

“This,” you start, swallowing. “is the sexiest thing I’ve encountered in all of my years. I thank all higher powers when I consume McChickens…” Trailing off for dramatic effect, you stare down the sandwich before mimicking a dinosaur war cry and practically shoving it down your throat. He just nods in agreement.

“It’s so nice out tonight,” Sapnap comments, swinging a look out his rolled-down window. He parked right in front of the Campus Quad, large bubbling fountain the show to your dinner. And some geese fighting each other for half a rotting hot dog.

“Mhm.” You crumple up your wrapper trash and toss it into the empty paper bag. “Could totally go for a swim.”

He turns and gives you a look. You look right back.

“Should we?” It’s barely a question.

“Um, hell yes,” is all it takes for you to say before you’re clambering out of the car and starting for the fountain. He follows closely after, jogging to catch up with your borderline track-star sprints.

“Wait up!” He calls as you reach the border of the fountain.

“Ugh,” you sigh, impatient. “Hurry up.”

“Mouthy,” he grumbles before kicking off his shoes and bending to fold his pants up over his knees. You just climb straight in and brave the cold.

Squealing, you hop from one foot to the other, shoulders tight as you get used to the freezing water. He laughs and climbs in right beside you.

“Shit,” he curses, and shivers. “This sucks.”

“You suck,” you quip right back and splash around. He stares, disgusted, at the water soaking up your jeans all the way up to your knees.

“You’re gross for wearing jeans in a fountain. That’s worse than wet socks.” He starts to move around as feeling comes back into his toes.

“What, would you prefer me taking my pants off?” A sassy look paints your face and he rolls his eyes.

“No, but you could’ve folded them up like a normal person.”

“I think you forget,” you start, and splash a palmful of water his way. “I’m quirky.”

He gasps, face twisting as the water hits his thighs.

“You’re dead.”

If campus police were patrolling the Quad right now, they’d see two college juniors wading around in a fountain, water up to their knees, having a competition to see who can inflict the most damage. He won, it seems, because your shirt is drenched all the way up to your ribs.

“Okay!” You shout, hands spread to brace yourself. The water in his palm falls. “I’m cold and I want my other McChicken.”

“Fine,” he sighs, and with some difficulty manages to get out of the fountain and back into his shoes. You just make your way back over to his car barefoot, braving the mulch and poorly-sanded concrete.

You both finish your food quickly, discussing menial things like how fast food restaurants always skimp on the pickles and how it’s truly a disservice to the world that so many people don’t know it’s Biggie singing the song Kat dances on the table to in the 1999 classic 10 Things I Hate About You.

When Sapnap pulls up to your house, he shifts the car into park and lets loose a heavy sigh. You whip around, hand on your buckle, and sport a very confused look on your face.

“I’m tired,” is all he says. Head falling onto the seat, he rolls over to give you a half-lidded look. You nod empathetically and climb very carefully out of his passenger seat. Your drunk muscles haven't caught up to your mainly sober brain, which is impairing your ability to look like a functioning human being.

“Thank you for tonight,” you chirp, smiling in at him with your arms folded on the open window sill. The half-drank Oreo McFlurry is lukewarm in your hand. He stares at your flushed lips.

“Anytime you want a drunk McChicken let me know.” He winks. “I have a gift card.”

“You spoil me,” you coo, and step up onto the sidewalk. “I’ll see you sometime soon, yeah?”

He nods, pursed lips fighting a grin.

Cute, you both think at the same time.

Sometime soon, somehow, means the very next day.

It’s breezy yet uncharacteristically hot out, and certainly way too bright for a hungover Y/N.

You’re sat on the porch swing, nursing a hot decaf coffee with lots of sugar and cream. Sunglasses sit comfortably on your nose, but you still have to squint. The pills you took have yet to kick in, so all you have to do is wait and try not to vomit into your mug. Suddenly, your phone lights up and buzzes to life. You press the green button and lift to your ear.

“What do you want?” Your voice is awfully froggy, you realize, and clear your throat.

“Good morning to you too.” Sapnap’s voice rings clear yet husky into your ear. The corners of your lips twitch up into a smile. God, you’re whipped just for the sound of his voice.

“It is definitely not a good morning,” you grumble and switch him into speaker phone. You drop the phone into your lap and stretch out further on the swing.

“Good morning for me,” he chirps cheerfully. “Take anything for the headache?”

“Yes,” you report, sounding like a pouting child and rubbing two fingers into your temple. “Some idiot fed me ice cream last night so this morning I woke up having to both shit and throw up.”

“Aww,” he sympathizes, sounding way too entertained. “That sounds like a you problem.” You stuck out your tongue, but upon realizing he can’t see it, make a ‘hmph’ noise into the mic. “Anyways. I called to see if you wanted to go get breakfast with me. Waffle House, specifically.” You make a face but lift yourself up off the swing, wincing.

“I saw a rat eat an entire piece of french toast there once. But—sure. I’ll pay.” He starts to whine, but you scoff. “Let me love you, bitch. You pay for my McDonald’s and I pay for your pancakes. Easy trade.”

“Whatever. See you in five.” He hangs up right as you twist the front door open and drop your phone onto the couch.

“Who’re you talking to?” comes from the kitchen and you jump, pressing a hand to your chest. A shirtless Karl enters the living room with a bowl of fruit loops in his hand.

“Jesus Christ,” you breathe, and duck into the hall closet for your pair of dirty tennis shoes. “I was talking to Sapnap.”

“Oh,” he says around his mouthful of cereal with a grin. “You guys dating yet?”

You pass him a weird look, bending to tie your shoes.

“Gimme like two weeks. I’ll have him at my beck and call,” you laugh and collapse back into the couch.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” He quirks an eyebrow and exits stage left into your roommate’s room.

The few minutes it takes for Sapnap to come to your house are short but filled with contemplation. Do you really want to date him? He’s certainly cute enough. Nice enough. And smart enough. He seems to like you too—

A honk interrupts your thoughts. Always having to be obnoxious, huh?

“You’re annoying,” you mumble as you buckle your seatbelt. He just shrugs, tiny smile tugging his lips, and shifts into drive. The short trip to Waffle House proves more quiet than lively. He seems awake, actually, so you attribute the silence to your tumultuous thoughts. The music is nice, though. Bikini Kill is perfect for 10 am.

After you two order (three chocolate chip pancakes for him and two regular waffles with a side of hashbrowns for you), he finally breaks the silence.

“Hey, are we dating?”

You pause with your lip on the rim of your orange juice. Your gaze falls from his lips to his fingers wrapped around the coffee mug. Two silver rings adorn both his middle fingers and they glint underneath the fluorescent lights.

“Do you wanna?” You squint back up at him. The tips of his ears flush pink.

“I-uh… Yeah. Yes,” he says simply. You try to hide a smile, but realize there’s no point.

“Okay.” You take a long drink of your orange juice. “I really like you. A lot. A surprising amount, actually; I haven’t really dated seriously since highschool.”

He nods, shuffling his feet on the tile. What else does he have to be nervous about? you wonder.

“I’ve… kindasortamaybelikedyousincesophmoreyear,” he mumbles and you swallow.

“Huh?” Leaning forward, you set your glass down.

“Um,” he starts but doesn’t finish.

“Did you say you’ve liked me since sophomore year?”

“...Maybe.” His coffee becomes the most interesting thing in the world, apparently. “Do you remember that one time during the Summer Carnival where Karl lost his phone?”

“Uh—yes! Yeah, actually. I do remember that. He found it in the porta-potty. What about it?” The waitress sets down both your plates in front of you and you offer her a smile in thanks before she trundles off to the drink station. You pick up your fork and wait for him to continue.

“I left two hours early because you invited Michael from your computer science class.” You pause around your mouthful of potato and he just stares back, trying not to grin. “Yeah. I thought you were hot and left early because you brought another guy.”

“Michael is gay,” you say slowly.

“Yup.” He nods and shoves a forkful of pancake into his mouth. “Isn’t that so stupid?”

“So stupid,” you tease but your cheeks blush pink.

“Anyways. Now I’m dating you, so. Win for me.”

“Ditto,” you murmur, and manage to fit half of your first waffle into your mouth. “This is the easiest it’s ever been to start dating someone.”

“It’s ‘cause we’re cool, I’m pretty sure,” comes from a mouthful of pancake.

“That’s facts.”

The rest of Pancake House is bustling, a few families with young kids and some other hungover college students scarfing down similar breakfast foods and confections. You two barely give any other customers the time of day, too wrapped up in conversation and each other. The waitress gets a heavy tip after an hour and a half of struggling to swallow dough soaked in syrup and chocolate.

Sapnap walks you to your door after breakfast, hand on your waist and pressed to your side. It feels good. Right.

“I’ll see you Wednesday right?” You ask, turning to him with hopeful eyes. How could he resist?

“Definitely. Wouldn’t miss Game Night for the world— I can’t wait to beat your ass at Uno.”

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” You murmur but you’re already slinging an arm around his shoulder and bringing his mouth down to yours.

You taste like sugar, he thinks. His hands find the small of your back easily, pressing you further forward into him. You hum at that, tracking a hand up the back of his neck and into his hair to grip it between your fingers.

He smells both musky and sweet and cool at the same time: heaven. One of his hands slides up to grip at your neck, thumb rubbing at your jaw, and you make a pleased noise into his mouth. There it is.

“Y/N!” Shrieks from inside your house and you jump, pulling away from Sapnap with a smack.

“What?” You yell back, irritated, and he just laughs as he dips to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Stop tonguing your boyfriend and come help me with my photography project.”

“God damn it,” you sigh and drop your hands. His slide down to just rest on your hips, comfortable. “I have to go.” You're annoyed, that’s for sure, and he prays you aren’t too mean to your roommate.

“Alright.” He dips for a quick kiss one last time. Okay, two more times. Maybe three. But he pulls away, grinning. “I’ll see you Wednesday.”

And then he’s stepping off your porch, walking to his car with his hands in his pockets. You watch his back fondly.

God, boyfriend. He’s your boyfriend. Boynap. Sapfriend. You can’t decide on a name, but all sounds perfect.

Perfectly him.

-

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. :D comments = welcome!

[ouijathicc]

Phone Guy Dave AU Fanfic: Aubergine Pizza

(Disclaimers: it’s best to thing of my first fic, Saferoom, as sorta a prequel/backstory. This is once again quite OOC, especially for Dave, because, well, he’s a phone guy now, a bit for Jack as well because he has depress because boyfriend is phone, admittedly not too out of the ordinary (not the depress at least, the phone part is pretty weird tho). 

While my last fic was hardcore angst with a double shot of angst on the side, this one, and probably a lot of future phone guy Dave AU fanfics contains a great deal of fluff. Specifically Davesport fluff.

DSAF 3 spoilers)

Jack had found that despite having called in a few favours with the factory, he hadn’t managed to have them make Dave any less brainwashed. Ok, that is not entirely true, as he had managed to effectively skip out on the whole fake wife and being named Scott thing. But that’s where his luck ended. 

Dave had been simply left with really no memories whatsoever, and upon having asked if Jack knew who he was, the orange man had snapped at him. Jack didn’t mean to. It wasn’t Dave he was upset with. It was Henry.

The man who he had trusted for some reason. Perhaps Henry really was the manipulative mastermind he thought himself to be. Henry had used his body to hurt Dave, and now Dave had forgotten his own name.

Jack had gotten in trouble, apparently Dave was missing a lot of organs, and his decomposition was suspicious. The people at the factory had accused Jack of having killed him himself, taken his organs, and left him to rot. The only reason he was not arrested was a) because what was going on wasn’t exactly MORAL in the first place, b) Jack is very scary, and c) Dave COUGHED. 

Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever get Dave back. He wasn’t responding to anything, and he was running out of hope.

“Uhhh sir? Sir you have been standing there staring at me for the past 10 minutes.” Jack was snapped out of his trance by Dave, ‘staring’ down at him.

“Right. Sorry I lost my train of thought. What did you want again?”

The phone sighed dramatically, “You know we’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t focus, sir. I was just telling you that our suit performer is… ‘on vacation’ which is code of course for ‘running from the police’. Now I could step in for h-“

“No.”

“Sir I don’t understand.”

“I’ll do it. I swear to god if you ever have to see the inside of a springlock suit.”

“I already have.”

“Do not be a smartass employee.”

“Now that the case of the suit wearer is settled, rather oddly I might add. We have finally completed all matters on this page.” Dave says.

“So are we done now? Can I go now?”

“No. We have 4 more pages.”

Jack whines “still?! We’ve already done like 8!“

“11 actually.”

“Christ.”

“Ok onto the next order of business. The customers find Matt to be unsettling, due to his virginity and smile. Now, we can’t do anything about the smile but we CAN take him to Vegas and hire a couple hookers.”

Jack smiles at Dave’s first solution being hookers in Vegas, maybe he wasn’t gone after all.

“Nah, won’t work. I’ve already tried that. Besides, can’t we just have Matt wear a mask? He should be wearing one anyway.”

“We can’t. The hecking masks melt off his face due to the power of his virginity.”

“…Christ.”

“So I’m assuming Matt is a bust?”

“Pretty much. We just need to tell customers to deal with it, he all but came with the prize counter.”

“I thought you specifically looked for him for the job.”

“He all but came with the prize counter.”

Dave makes a dialup noise in frustration. “Ok… how about just this last page. I want to be done as much as you do. I have a longing to hide in the Saferoom so I don’t have to do my job. Mostly to escape this conversation.”

“Gimme the next boring list item.”

“Ok, so, music man has made his nest in our ball pit and kids have started disappearing into it. Fazbender’s has a long history of child murders so it looks very bad for us.”

You’d know about that, wouldn’t you. Oh wait… no you wouldn’t. Never mind…

“So we probably need to find some way to get rid of it… only problem is that… I don’t want to even enter that room because of it.”

“Eh, it’s not our worst room.”

Another dialup noise “HOW THE HECK IS THE ROOM WITH THE GIANT HECKING SPIDER ROBOT THAT EATS KIDS NOT OUR WORST ROOM!?!?!?!?!”

“Disabled bathroom. Also the strip club, although that one is also my favourite. It’s only bad because Oscar.”

The phone guy sighs “ok, next order of business. The health inspector is coming soon-“

“How soon is soon?”

“12 years.”

“Ok that’s it, meeting over, you’re obsessing over things that don’t matter. It’s tradition to only care the DAY OF the inspection. Plus a little bribery goes a long way so you don’t even have to care that day either. You’re working yourself to death.”

“Better dead than closed sir.”

Jack grabbed the purple phone man’s hand and dragged him away.

“Where are you kidnapping me to sir?”

“My favourite room.”

“Oh dear god no.”

Jack throws open the door to the strip club. “Look Davey, STRIPPER FAXES.”

“…why did you say ‘fox’ like that?”

“Dave… say ‘fax’”

“No.”

“Dave I’m not angry, just disappointed. Say fax.”

“Sir… you’re scaring me.” Dave backs away.

“Say fax employee. It is an order.”

“Fine sir. ‘Fax’. Are you happy.”

“Very.”

Jack leads Dave into the strip club, and directly to the salad bar. “Sir if this is that thing where you get me to yell at you to not eat the salad I’ll fire myself.” Ah, Jack remembers making his first phoney do that. Priceless. Not something he’d make Dave do, but priceless nonetheless.

“No I was actually wondering if you wanted any. It’s the only food in this building you can’t get cancer from.”

“I don’t have a mouth, sir.” His phone guy reminds.

“I’m sure we could just shove it up your ass and have the same effect.”

“Sir, I’m not letting you shove salad up my ass.”

“:(“

“Did you just… say an emoticon? Also did you want to shove salad up my ass?!?”

“Ok, I’m bored now and I’ve endured too much Oscar by being in the same room as him.”

Jack grabs Dave’s hand again and drags him out of the room.

“So what is it… if I might ask… what is it you actually DO? During the days you’re here?” Dave asks Jack.

“Eh, I mostly just wander around looking for loose change and messing around.” Jack gets a dialup tone in response to this.

“Look if you really want to be doing actual work. How about we make a pizza? The eternal spirit of Ronaldo taught me how.”

“The WHAT NOW?!”

.

.

.

Dave mostly forced Jack to put on normal toppings. This wasn’t good. Jack was hoping to reawaken Dave’s chaotic urges by giving him opportunities to mess with people, but the factory had turned him into some perfect employee. Fortunately for Jack, he had a TRUMP CARD. A whole eggplant.

Dave was just about to put the pizza in the oven when he pulled out the plant. “Wait, Dave, one more ingredient.”

Dave seemed to freeze for a moment upon seeing the eggplant, as if remembering something. Holy shit was Jack’s stupidest plan to date working?

“An elusive aubergine!”

“H-how is it elusive.”

“Murder.”

“Of course. Well you can’t put it on the pizza it’s not sliced or anything.”

“Sure I can. He desires to be on the pizza, Dave. I’ve never been one to say no to aubergines.”

“Look I can tell that somehow by looking at you. But this particular EGGPLANT is telling you to do something EVIL.”

“Fake news. All aubergines tell me to do evil things.”

“The evil power of your purple vegetable is causing me to glitch, get it away from me. Kids won’t want to eat it anyway.”

“Sure they will. It’s delicious.” Jack decides to demonstrate this by taking a bite out of the eggplant.

“Ok now we REALLY can’t put it on the pizza, you bit it.”

“I have more.” Jack says, pulling more eggplants out of nowhere. Dave makes a dialup noise in response.

“Ok Sport, really, this is causin’ me to glitch.” Dave says, having apparently switched back to his real voice. Jack smiles upon hearing the nickname.

“Glitch smitch, it’s going on the pizza.” Jack moves to put it on the pizza.

“NO!” Dave jerks the pizza away. “I’m not letting you mess with my code!”

“Dave…” Jack sighs. He wants him back, as soon as possible. But he doesn’t want to hurt him again. He’s at least managed to START Dave remembering who he is. With some clever language and an aubergine alone.

Jack’s eggplants seem to disappear back into Jack’s Apparently bottomless pockets.

“Ok, I’ll stop. You win, normal pizza it is.”

“Actually…” Dave says, sounding somewhat unsure. Dave grabs one of the acid mushrooms Jack had tried to convince him to put in with the regular ones and sticks it on one of the slices. “Lil’ thing for whoever gets that piece.” Dave says. And for a moment Jack almost forgets he’s talking to a phone guy.

.

.

.

That night, Jack goes home hopeful for what the future might hold, for the first time since Dave had asked him to go to the factory, he feels things might be ok.

As for Dave? As soon as he goes into sleep mode, he has dreams of a time long past in which an aubergine and his tangerine took Vegas by storm.

(Notes: Aaaand fic two is done. It’s a better depiction of what to expect from the PG!Dave AU. Although there surely will be more angst like the first one. Not much more to say. Bai!)

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 313: Deku VS Lady Nagant

Previously on BnHA: Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai Lady Nagant showed up to fire a cupid’s arrow into my heart, and a bunch of literal bullets into my son. Deku was all “oh shit it’s Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai, what do I do, let me think back to Hawks’s advice for a sec.” Flashback!Hawks was all “anyway Deku so if my super-hot badass murder senpai ever shows up you’re basically screwed so you’d better abscond the fuck out of there.” Present!Deku was all “lol idek why I flashed back to that conversation since I’m just going to do the exact opposite of what Hawks said” and charged directly toward Nagant because WHY NOT. Overhaul was all “waah I need to get back to my boss who I put in a coma out of love” and Nagant was all “jesus christ why did I even bring you here” and had a flashback to AFO who was all “ILU NAGANT IMMA GIVE YOU AN EXTRA QUIRK SO PLEASE CAPTURE DEKU FOR ME PLEASE AND THANKS” and yeah. Shit is all over the place right now and I love it.

Today on BnHA: All Might gets attacked by a pair of discount assassins and is all “Call an ambulance! ...BUT NOT FOR ME” and it’s really badass but also I really wish he would stop tempting fate like this. Lady Nagant is all “[casually flies around town shooting shit]” and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t read an entire chapter of just that. Deku is all, “[gets shot (≥_<)]” and releases a giant Smokescreen which prompts En to show up. En is all, “( •᷄⌓•᷅ ) (⌣̀ Δ⌣́) ( •̀_•́ )σ (¬､¬) (눈_눈)” which I consider to be a high point of both the chapter and of my life. The chapter ends with Deku using the Third’s quirk to launch a bunch of random objects at Nagant so that he can jump up and grab her arm all sneaky-like, and I’m sure this is going to prompt another week’s worth of discourse that I don’t care about at all, but fuck it, I’m having a good time.

OH WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO ALL MIGHT WELL THAT’S NICE I GUESS. CONGRATS ON NOT BEING DEAD

you named your car??

you named it Hercules??

I love you so much??

please marry me you giant fucking dork???

lmao speaking of huge fucking dorks

who the fuck are you clowns. la dee da we’re gonna murder All Might with our synchronized spear attack!! I mean... they’re clearly trying their best... maybe I should just be nice and politely hype them up like All Might is so clearly trying to do

like okay, but we all agree that this is actually the least intimidating attack any of us has ever seen, right?? these guys zipped up their hoodies all serious-like and are trying to attack All Might and Hercules with their Walmart tiki torches, but just, no?? right?? like the only way this could possibly be effective is if they were trying to kill All Might with secondhand embarrassment

“those are assassins” this is a VERY generous assessment, All Might

OH MY GOD THE TIKI TORCHES ACTUALLY KILLED THE FUCK OUT OF HERCULES

[slaps roof of car] this baby can fit so many weaponized festive backyard lighting solutions in it

and yet, even after watching this with my own two eyes, I still can’t take these dudes seriously. idek what it is. anyways r.i.p. Hercules, I loved you a lot but I guess you weren’t actually a very good armored car were you

omg they didn’t know it was All Might??

okay 1) for a moment there I was like “oh hey maybe they’re not so bad after all” but then a moment later it was like “ah nope, they are.” like, that was an interesting .06 second emotional journey there. anyways 2) All Might you have my permission to kick their asses for this disrespect, and 3) anyone else all of a sudden getting “wouldn’t this be an interesting time for Stain to suddenly show up” vibes?? no?? just me???

(ETA: hmm tbh I’ve still got those vibes and they haven’t gone away lol. Stain?? you out there buddy?? do you want to be cool for just once in your life. ball’s in your court pal.)

OH SNAP ALL MIGHT ARE YOU REALLY GONNA DO IT ARE YOU GONNA KICK THEIR ASSES

PROTECTIVE DAD MODE ACTIVATED?? BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M HERE FOR THAT SHIT, SO YEAH, FEEL FREE

omg he’s shouting at them about how much Deku has suffered lmao and they’re just like falling over from being scolded

so they have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about though, right? “SIR THIS IS A WENDY’S” well whatever, you killed his pet car so he’s in a bad mood now

OH MY GOD

LIKE, JUST SO WE’RE ALL CLEAR, THESE FOUR PAGES SO FAR HAVE MADE ALMOST ZERO SENSE. LIKE MAYBE 2% SENSE TOPS. BUT ASK ME IF I CARE. GO AHEAD AND ASK. I SAID GO AHEAD, IT’S OKAY. ...NO I DON’T CARE AT ALL THANK YOU FOR ASKING

(ETA: also, the more I look at this panel, the more I’m just like, why the hell would you phrase it like that though, sob. way to doubly tempt fate?? are you trying to give Horikoshi a challenge??)

and now back to Deku who is randomly bouncing around the city and narrating it to himself just in case he was confused about why he was doing this

who are you talking to Deku. but thanks we appreciate it

man you gotta love that overconfidence. the smartest guy in the world warned you away from this lady, so SURE, LET’S RUN RIGHT UP TO HER. “I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT, FLASHBACK!HAWKS, BUT I’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE” well okay then!!

I think it would be funny if RHA.com put little Buzzfeed-style polls in between the chapter pages so they could survey people at random intervals as they read their way through the chapter. like, you finish this page and then there’s a little poll there asking “do you think Deku’s plan of catching up to Lady Nagant and finding out where Shigaraki is will work?”, and you click “no” just like everyone else and then nod as the results show that 97% of your fellow readers also picked “no”, and you chuckle to yourself wondering how many of the 3% accidentally clicked on the wrong option by mistake, and then you keep on reading

ANYWAY, SO

HOW���S THAT PLAN WORKING OUT FOR YOU SO FAR DEKU. nice kick, though!!

omggggggg

ouch

update: Deku’s plan not really working out. sources tell me my boy has been fucking shot. this is an ongoing story and we will keep you posted with the latest developments as they come in

wait what

feel free to explain to the rest of us what all of this “UNLESS...” and “THAT POSSIBILITY...” shit means anytime, Deku

oh lol did he realize she could fly??

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE, CNN’s John King reports that Deku is still fucked. eyewitness reports now coming in that Nagant is doing no-look shots and basically not even giving a fuck. sources described her mannerisms and expression as “sexy, but in like an effortless sort of way.” we will continue to bring you the latest

so now there’s basically an entire page of Deku being all “ah fuck so she’s basically closing in and she could already hit me with impossible accuracy even from Far Away, so if that’s the case then her being Up Close is probably going to be even worse!” making good use of that Big Hero Brain there, Deku

so now what, you’re doing some kind of spiraling kick thing?? how is that going to help

oh lol he’s using Smokescreen to create some cover. aww, good for you Deku you named one of your Smokescreen attacks

OH NO LADY DON’T TELL ME AFO DIDN’T EVEN FILL YOU IN ON THE BASICS

seriously, AFO?? you basically told her what Deku’s exact strategy was going to be but then couldn’t be assed to drop that little, small, barely notable piece of knowledge that Deku is rocking multiple quirks?? is it supposed to be a secret or something?? you dropped the ball here man

damn this is getting intense now

(ETA: the way En is poking Deku’s head in that first panel is fucking sending me, I love this guy so much omg.)

well then what are you planning, Deku?? I’m actually really curious!! I am genuinely starting to be invested in this fight scene not only in the “wanting to see who wins and how that impacts the plot” sense, but also in the “wanting to see how it happens because the choreography and strategy is actually pretty cool” sense, which honestly hasn’t happened for quite a while now! this is fun

anyway so what’s up Deku, are you going to use another quirk?? I’ve been speculating that he hasn’t actually unlocked the last two yet (since Two and Three didn’t exactly seem convinced when we last saw them), but maybe I’m about to be proven wrong

(ETA: well he clearly has Three’s obviously, but Two’s is still MIA, and that’s the one I am of course the most curious about. that’s the one we’re all curious about, let’s be real.)

OH SNAP???

AHHHH I’M HYPED LOL. ANOTHER SHINY NEW QUIRK LOL SHOULD I PUT UP THE USUAL DISCOURSE DISCLAIMER

(ETA: so yeah, after thinking on it, I’m not gonna say “please no Deku discourse on my blog” this week, but I probably will ignore any discourse that does come my way though, just because I don’t have much interest in getting involved in what would probably be a pretty repetitive discussion. like, I can just sum up my opinions (which is what they are) here instead. in fact here they are lol:

1) I like the SIXQUIRKS and I like seeing Deku be a badass.

2) I also don’t think Deku is too OP. more like he’s exactly as OP as he needs to be at the moment, given that we’re approaching the end of the series. I expect the other kids will also be pretty damn OP when we see them fight again. we’re just at that point now where they’re all badasses (as well they should be; they’ve grown a lot and they deserve it). it’s just that Deku’s the one we’re getting to see right now.

3) of course I miss Kacchan and the others, but for me this vibes much closer to the MVA arc where even though I missed them, I was still having a blast (as opposed to the dark days of the Basement arc where I was pretty much losing it lol). like, even though Kacchan’s my favorite, I still love Deku a lot and this arc has been amazing for him getting to shine on his own (for like the first time, really).

4) y’all know I love the OFA plot and I’ve never been shy about that lol. I like all of the Vestiges a lot. Banjou and his over the top personality; En and his “guy you thought would be serious and :| all the time but is actually hyper-animated and ALL OVER THE PLACE” energy; Shiro who actually is a :| sort of guy lol; Three who I still expect will be fleshed out in a more detailed flashback at some point; and of course Two, who, well. you know what I think about him lol. Bakuverse is still on the table and I’m still hyped. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we still have yet to see Two actually talk to Deku (as opposed to talking to the other Vestiges while Deku is distracted). did he lend him his power yet?? or is he still holding out?? either way it’s definitely going to be a Big Thing when it finally happens and I can’t wait to see it.

5) Lady Nagant is Everything and just because Deku grabbed her arm doesn’t mean the fight is over yet lol. Overhaul hasn’t come into play yet either. not to mention that even if the fight is over, the “where do we go from here” part still has me excited either way. her connection to Hawks and the HPSC is very intriguing and we’ve barely touched on that as of yet; she definitely has more of a role to play in this.

6) last but not least, I feel like every week the discussion is all about how much focus Deku’s getting, and how OP he is or isn’t, and OFA this and OFA that, but meanwhile I’m actually so invested in the character development here though?? the way Deku has distanced himself from everyone (except for the Vestiges, because of course they’re already dead so it’s not like they can die again lol)?? the way he’s pushing himself far too hard and we can see the shadows in and under his eyes, and the fact that he never smiles, and even All Might has remarked on how he isn’t taking care of himself at all?? the fact that he’s so single-mindedly obsessed with focused on stopping AFO?? the fact that he’s still the same sweet old Deku despite everything and was so kind to that fox lady with the umbrella, but there was also something so sad about that scene because it felt like a reminder of the type of hero that he wants to be, but that he’s not allowed to be right now?? because the stakes are too high and the world is falling apart?? and he feels like he’s the only one who can do something about it?? and that he has to be?? and that he is putting so much pressure on himself right now, and it’s absolutely too much pressure for any one person to bear, and I feel like no one is fucking talking about this lol goddammit.

anyway so yeah. I have feels about this, and every week that slow-burn angst is getting more and more intense behind the scenes, and I feel like it’s all going to hit a breaking point eventually. sooner rather than later. it really feels like a mirror of Katsuki’s post-Kamino arc. where all that angst was just churning below the surface for like twenty chapters and then it finally was like “okay it’s time” and it all came bursting out and we got the best five chapters of the fucking series (in my admittedly biased estimation lol).

basically, I know that most of fandom is billing this as either the “villain hunt” arc or the “solo Deku SIXQUIRKS fighting arc” or whatever. but for me, it’s always been and still is the Deku Angst arc lol. the cool fights are a sexy bonus (the worldbuilding less so because even though it’s interesting to see society at such a low point, it’s also very depressing and gets old pretty fast), but for me the thing that’s really keeping me engaged chapter after chapter is seeing Deku like we’ve never seen him before. seeing him all quiet and withdrawn and brooding and focused on AFO, AFO, AFO, and seeing that “he just doesn’t take himself into account” mentality taken to extremes. I am invested in that. I’m soaking up that angst each and every week, and I’m invested in seeing what comes of it. it’s a big picture thing. week to week this arc might just seem like a bunch of villain fight scenes, sure. but Deku’s emotional journey is the thread that’s going to carry this arc through from beginning to end, and for that I’m willing to be patient.

anyway that turned into a BIG OL’ RANT there but yeah! so those are my thoughts on the disk horse as it currently stands. and like I said, I’m open to discussion, but tbh I will probably just wind up repeating these same talking points endlessly so just a fair warning lol.)

anyway so Three says Deku has yet to use his quirk at ALL but now he’s trying to combine it with another quirk?? damn. also please check out En’s face here you guys

En launching a sneak attack up my favorite character list by the sheer power of his expressions alone. he really knows how to make the most of his screentime

OH DAMN DEKU

at this point the 3% from that hypothetical poll earlier are starting to feel prettttty damn smug, I’ll bet. well shit

what in the fuck

?? so like releasing his chi or whatnot?? isn’t that basically just like base OFA all over again?? also Deku did you seriously just apologize to Gran’s cape

update: Nagant has turned her eyeball into a gun

hm. hmmmmmmm. ...okay yep, still somehow sexy

anyway so she’s just floating up there building suspense, as one does. lord I sure hope she has good reflexes because something tells me she’s going to need them

OH SNAP HE THREW GRAN’S CAPE AS A DECOY WHAAAAT OKAY THAT’S SOME SMART SHIT DEKU

LOL SHE’S MAD NOW

JESUS CHRIST SHE JUST NEVER TAKES A GODDAMN BREAK FROM BEING AWESOME HUH

DEKU ARE YOU JUST THROWING EVERY DAMN THING IN YOUR INVENTORY

but without the cape and the hood how will you continue to look like an enigmatic badass. you really can’t. which means we might finally be moving on from the wandering nomad part of this arc, stay tuned

LOL YOU MANIAC

I hope he went full Kacchan with the dialogue there. his face sure looks like it lol. popped out of a building all mad fdskljlkj omg

well this was fun, shit. I still have basically no idea what Three’s quirk does though lol. like, can he use it to charge up objects with kinetic energy or something?? but then what was all of that talk about combining it with one of the other quirks?? or was that just because he was using Smokescreen at the same time??

(ETA: having seen and read an additional half-dozen explanations of Three’s quirk, I can say with confidence that I still have basically no idea what it is or does.)

anyway so!! Deku is a badasssssss but something tells me not to count Nagant out just yet even so. also I really enjoy seeing Deku flip out on people like he doesn’t have a fucking hole in his torso because it reminds me of A CERTAIN SOMEONE and I always love to see him channeling that feral energy; I feel like it’s been a while

anyways good luck to you both!! I truly wish that both of you could win. but if not, then maybe you can at least become friends instead. you have so much in common, you both can fly and have multiple quirks and you’re both badasses, and plus it would just be really funny to see the look on Hawks’s face lmao

[levi-lover]

Say my name

Levi x fem!reader

W/C: 1935

T/W: Smut, 18+, Female Masturbation, slight choking

A/N: I’m going through a writer’s block #rip so I edited the first smut piece I wrote back in December. It’s not my best but hey we all gotta start somewhere! 

You sat at the kitchen table, hunched over a book, entrenched into the words on the page. As the climax began to unravel, you swung your leg onto the chair and put your weight on your foot so you could lean closer to the table, closer to the book. Your body began to shake as you frantically read the pages, turning each furiously. 

You noticed you had less than ten pages to go, you slid your body closer to the table causing the ball of your foot to press against your core. You let out a small sigh, surprised by the sudden arousal. No, not now. Let me finish the book! You ignored the feeling but you kept on pressing your weight to your foot. You finished the book in a rush and as you closed the spine of the book, you let out a small sigh and untangled your legs from underneath you. 

“Wow,” you said out loud to the empty room. That was amazing, I can’t wait to tell Levi. After months of him pestering you to read the dang book, you finally read it. You hated to admit it but Levi was right, you did love it. You rolled your eyes at the thought of his stupid smug face tell you he told you were going to love it. Whatever at least I’ll have someone to talk about it with. Speaking of his stupid smug face, where is he? You looked over at the stove clock 4:23 it read. 

He had left over an hour ago to get groceries. He was normally quick and efficient, never gone for more than 40 minutes. Maybe he got caught up in traffic? You leaned back in the chair remembering the pressure in your core, you pressed your legs together and began to rub them. You closed your eyes in relief, another sigh escaped your mouth. You sat on your leg again, using your foot to apply pressure to yourself. As your body moved against your foot, your core began to tingle, with your left hand you grabbed your lower back and pushed yourself further into your foot, a moan escaped your mouth. You wished it would be Levi’s hands squeezing your lower back, hips, and thighs as he laid under your body, you wished you could be feeling his cock growing hard underneath you. 

“Fuck, where is that man? I need him.” 

You walked down the hallway into your shared bedroom. You sat at the foot of the bed, throwing your body against the crisp sheets, your legs dangled off the bed. You kept your eyes closed as your hand reached to your crotch, your fingers gently rubbing the fabric, your hips began to move along with your fingers desperate to feel more but you kept a slow pace. Your right hand reached over to your left breast and you began to massage yourself, feeling your nipple slowly harden under your shirt. A moan escaped your lips as you began to rub harder against your core, you reached your hands under your leggings feeling yourself over your underwear. You imagined Levi was the one touching you, closing your eyes tight, you pictured him laying over you, moaning into your ear. Heat began to pour into your cheek. You pushed your underwear aside, using your middle finger you touched your entrance. You trailed your finger up your slit, pressed down on your clit. Starting to draw tiny circles around the bundle of nerves, you felt the pressure build inside of you. You pressed down and moaned out Levi’s name. 

“Yes?” asked a deep voice from the doorway.

You rolled your head over and pulled the top of your body up. “Levi, you’re home!” Your hands still in your leggings, you smiled sheepishly at him. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

He chucked, “the lights were off. I assumed you were napping so I came in quietly. Tsk, looks like you were busy doing something else.” 

Levi was leaning against the door, one eyebrow was up as he looked over at you with amusement on his face. You could tell he was trying not to laugh. You pulled your hands out of your pants. 

“Oh, no. Don’t stop on my account, brat. Keep going” He walked over to you, the smell of pine and mint hitting your nose. 

Fuck, I did a good job when I bought that cologne. 

He was standing at the foot of the bed, looking down at you. His arms folded across his broad chest, his dark hair gently floating over his gray eyes. He put both arms on either side of your body as he leaned over, his legs spread over yours. You squirmed as you felt his breath near your face, you looked down overwhelmed by the heat coming off of your checks. He used his right hand to gently grab your face, his fingers were warm and firm. A sigh escaped your lips as he tilted your head up, forcing you to make eye contact with him. You saw the excitement and arousal in his eyes as he examined your face. He loved looking at you when you were like this, he loved knowing he was turning you on without even having to do anything to you. It made him feel powerful and it made him feel loved. 

As much as he loved giving you pleasure, he also loved making you wait for it. He looked at your lips, they were parted as small, jagged breaths escaped from your chest. His cock began to press against his jeans as he looked over you. He wanted to fuck you so bad but he knew he had to wait.

He lowered his head and began to whisper into your ear, “are you gonna stop touching that pretty little pussy ‘cause I’m here, huh?”

You closed your eyes and moaned, you felt yourself getting wetter. You loved it when he talked dirty to you. He placed his hands on your neck and began choking you gently. He pushed you onto the bed. 

“Go to the top of the bed. That’s an order” 

You nodded and whispered, “yes, sir.” 

You laid your head on your pillow and looked back to Levi, he was on his knees staring at you from the bottom of the bed. 

“Take off your shirt.” You pulled off the shirt you were wearing and tossed it somewhere in the room. “Good girl. Pull down your leggings and only your leggings.”

You yanked down the fabric as Levi watching, smirking. You laid back, feeling the cool air of the room touch your naked body, goosebumps appeared on your stomach and thighs. Levi looked at you, waiting for you to make eye contact before he made his next order. He loved to look directly into your eyes during sex, he loved knowing you were fully present with him, that you needed him. 

“Touch yourself but if you even dare to put a finger inside, you’ll get punished, okay?”

“Mmmm” you mumbled, as you began to rub yourself again, the pleasure from before quicking rising inside of you; knowing that Levi was watching you turned you on even more. 

“Am I joke to you?”

“N-,o” you mustered out as your body began to tense, a coil starting to form inside of your stomach.

“Then answer me when I speak to you, got it, slut?” Levi’s voice became rough and dark, he wasn’t joking around. 

“Y-yes, what do I do next?” you moaned. 

“I want you to keep on rubbing yourself, do a good job for me.” You peaked over at Levi and who started to rub himself through his jeans. He was biting his bottom lips trying to hold in a moan. You arched your back at the beautiful sight. 

“Start fucking yourself,” he ordered. 

“Yes, Levi.” You start by putting in one finger and curl it into your body, slowly you insert one more, you could feel every inch of yourself. The noise of your wet cunt and moans filled the air. Levi let go of his moan and he began to unzip his jeans. Fuck, I love him so much. You squeezed your eyes shut and focused on Levi’s moans.  

“I want to hear you say my name.” 

“Yes, Levi.” you took your fingers out of your entrance and ran them back up your slit, your back arched at your touch, this was good but it would feel so much better if it was Levi doing this to you. You started touching your clit again, circling around it, the coil getting tighter and tighter. From the bottom of the bed, you heard the sound of Levi’s hands on his cock, you bit your lip just thinking about it. 

“I told you to say my name like the good girl you are”

You threw your head back and started shouting Levi’s name.“F-fuck, Levi.” 

���That’s what I like to hear.”

Levi tossed his head back, he was holding his cock in his angular hands, stoking it up and down. He wanted to shove it inside of you, you were so wet and all he had to do was boss you around. He smiled at the thought of you fucking yourself to the memory of him. 

“Mmm Levi, ‘m close.” You rotated between rubbing circles around your clit to pressing down on it, As the coil snapped, your back arched and pleasure flooded your body, your legs began to pulse. You looked over to see Levi’s face twisted in joy as his cock twitched in his hands and white strings of cum shot out from the tip. He looked at it with content before pulling off his t-shirt to clean off his hands. He glanced up at you and smirked, “that’s my good girl.”

You let out a sigh of relief and held your arms open, inviting him to come in. He chuckled before crawling his way to you. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, wrapping his toned arms around you. Levi placed small kisses on your skin, his hands caressed your waist with a feather-soft touch. You started trailing circles around his back. He loved when you touched him like this, so gentle and full of love. 

“I missed you,” you whispered. 

“Tsk, I wasn’t even gone long.” 

“Yeah, but you were gone longer than usual, it was pure pain!” 

He laughed at your dramatic nature. 

“I guess since you couldn’t keep my name out of your lips.”

“Fuck you.”

“I know you want to,” he retorted. 

“Whatever, anyways what took you so long? I finished the book and I wanted to talk about it!”

“I see. That’s why you were moaning my name. I had to wait for them to stalk up on someone’s favorite brand of oat milk. But you liked it, huh? I knew you would.” You didn’t even have to look at face to see the smug expression he was making. 

“Yeah, I did like it, so what? But wait you got me oat milk? Doesn’t that need to be refrigerated?” you asked. The both of you had been going at for a while now. 

Levi jumped out of you arms and shouted, “fuck! I didn’t put the groceries away!”

“Haha, loser!” 

“Shut up, Brat. Help me put them away and then I’ll actually fuck you.” 

“Aye, aye, Captain!” You shouted like a soldier getting ready for battle. You put clean clothes on and raced him to the kitchen. When Levi said he was going to do something he would do it.

[sunshineseung]

Journal Part 4 // Jeongin

🍄 | genre: smut mini-series ☁️ | pairing: Yang Jeongin x female!reader 🌿 | wc: 5.8k holy shit i am so sorry- 🌸 | includes: milf!reader x babysitter!college student!jeongin, plot 🤢🤮, smut within smut (mentions of marking, pet names/degrading names), anal toys (plug), jeongin wears feminine underwear, nipple clamps, mentions of rule breaking/punishment, begging, face sitting, praise, degradation, mentions (not use) of safe word, pegging, the obvious overuse of the word “mommy” and “ma’am”, aftercare, buttered pasta :)

🌊 | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Finale |

The sound of his own foot tapping was enough to make him more anxious than he already was, and the light shining through the window directly onto his shiny desk to reflect on his eye wasn’t helping. He’s practiced the conversation a million times over in his head. The plan was simple: class ends, ask Professor Lee about his missing journal, and get it back. How hard could it be?

Evidentially, pretty damn hard. All throughout class, Professor Lee was staring at Jeongin, picking on him when no one else would answer easy questions, and overall making his life a living hell just by his presence. 

“Yang Jeongin, come see me.” Minho sighs, adjusting his glasses as he looks up at the clock on the wall of his classroom. “The rest of you are dismissed.” 

Ending class 15 minutes early was extraordinarily unusual for Professor Lee, but the other students hardly batted an eye as they collected their belongings and shuffled out of the room, leaving as Jeongin stepped up to his professor’s desk. He was practically sweating bullets at this point, all of his plans flowing out of his head with every step. The glare Professor Lee was giving Jeongin was intimidating to say the least, but Lee Minho knew all too well what he was going to say.

“You wanted to speak to me, sir?” Jeongin tilts his head, standing over his professor, giving the illusion that Jeongin had the upper hand in this situation. 

“Yes, Jeongin. You left your notebook behind last class, and I just wanted to give it back to you.” Professor Lee opens his top desk drawer, pulling out Jeongin’s journal and holding it out in his hand towards Jeongin. Before his student could grab it, he pulled away, reeling Jeongin in like a fish. “You really ought to be more careful with your stuff. Don’t want anyone else getting their hands on this, do we?” 

Jeongin shakes his head, holding his hand out, patiently waiting for his teacher to put the book into his hand. The room is coated in silence despite the chatter from the hall. Jeongin can feel his heart beating out of his chest, trying his best not to jump over the desk and snatch the journal out of his professor’s hands. 

“So, do you like writing?” The smirk stretching across Professor Lee’s smug face is breaking Jeongin. He feels this odd sense of deja vu on top of the overwhelming anxiety. Jeongin nods again, slightly shaking his outstretched hand, urging his professor to finally hand it over. “Is that what this journal is for? Writing?” 

“Professor Lee, can I please have my journal back? I have another class to get to, sir.” Jeongin dodges the question like a professional, but Professor Lee isn’t satisfied. He laughs in Jeongin’s face, rolling his eyes slightly at the boy’s wit.

“I ended class early. You have plenty of time to talk, Yang Jeongin.” Professor Lee stands up, walking to the other side of his desk and pulling out another chair from a student desk. “Sit down, take a load off. You’re one of my star students. I’d like to get to know you.” 

“Aright, professor.” Jeongin’s staring at the journal, loosely dangling from his professor’s hand. Still, he sits in the uncomfortable chair as the older man leans on his desk, facing the boy. Jeongin holds out his hand again, looking up at his professor with emotionless eyes, desperate to leave this room and go home, because him saying he has another class was a complete lie. Just for right now, Professor Lee wants to play a little game with Jeongin, a game the younger doesn’t even realize he’s playing.

“You don’t have to call me professor. Right now, you can call me Minho.” Jeongin nods, slouching in the chair. “You never answered my question, Jeongin. What do you write in this journal? Notes for class I’d assume.”

“Yeah, notes for class.” Jeongin’s voice cracks as he looks back at the journal, Minho now having one of his fingers between the pages. He winces just imagining what his professor would think if he read a single paragraph on any page. “I need them to study, so can I have it back now?” 

“Well, if it’s just notes, then you’re okay with me reading it, right?” Minho jolts his arm up, opening the book to a random page. Jeongin’s about to run out of the room in embarrassment before Minho holds a hand up, successfully stopping him. “C’mon, Jeongin. Do you honestly think I haven’t already read this?”

If Jeongin had anything in his stomach right now, he’d surely throw up. You reading the journal was one of his fantasies come to life, but this was a bit overkill. He’d never want anyone other than you to read his journal, let alone one of his professors.

“What’s got you so quiet now?” Minho raises the pitch of his voice to taunt Jeongin, playing up the scene. “You’ve had the audacity to write about Y/n in this book nearly every single class, but now that you’ve been caught, you bite your tongue?” 

“Don’t say her name!” Jeongin gets extremely defensive, standing out of the seat to be the same height as his professor. “What do you want from me? Just give me the journal and I’ll go. I’ll even switch out of this class if you want. I don’t care!” 

“Aw, Jeonginnie~” Minho rests his face on his hand, holding his own cheek as he watches Jeongin’s face get red with anger. “Just tell me, how is Y/n doing?” 

“How do you know Y/n?” Jeongin’s confused, unable to connect the pieces to this puzzle. 

“You’re not as smart as you let on.” Minho gets closer to Jeongin, getting right in his face to scare the young boy. “I was her husband. We were your neighbors.”

Jeongin could feel his legs shake, finally connecting every conversation, every question, every action. He steps back, vision going blurry as he’s flooded with memories of seeing none other than Lee Minho in your front lawn, playing with his daughters in the back, or sneaking out to a taxi late at night towards the end of his memories. Jeongin didn’t know your name until he started working for you, let alone know your estranged husband’s name. He felt like such a dumbass at this moment.

“So, how is she?” Minho puts his hand on Jeongin’s shoulder, forcing Jeongin to focus on him. “If you’re going to fuck my ex wife, you could at least tell me how she’s doing.”

“She’s doing well, certainly a lot better without you.” Minho scoffs, laughing at Jeongin’s weak attempt at a diss. 

“And the girls are doing well?” 

“Yup. I watch them every night after my classes.” Jeongin folds his arms, turning his chin up at Minho. How soon he forgets that Minho still has his precious journal.

“So that’s where she gets ya, huh?” Minho brings the notebook back to his face, flipping to a random page, putting his finger on a random line. “Is that where she, in your words, ‘gripped your cock like you’ve wanted her to for so long’? Or did that happen later?”

Half of Jeongin’s brain is struggling to come up with a response, while the other half is thinking about the first time you gave him a blowjob. He’s clenching his fists with anger, hoping Minho didn’t see him starting to pop a boner. 

“What goes on between us is none of your business.” Jeongin jumps forward, finally snatching his journal out of Minho’s hands. He holds his journal tightly in his hands, clutching it close to his chest. “I’ll be leaving now.”

Just as Jeongin turns around to get his bookbag, Minho grabs his wrist and turns him around, once again finding each other inches away from the other’s face. 

“She didn’t tell you anything about me, did she?” Jeongin shakes him off, rapidly walking back to his desk to get his bag. “Answer me, little boy.”

“She’s never said a word about you, Minho.” Jeongin goes for the door, finally seeing his exit within his sights. “Now leave me alone. I’ll see you on Thursday, sir.”

And with that, he’s out. Finally within possession of his journal, he minds his business walking down the hall, heading back to his house that’s less than a 10 minute walk from the campus. 

Just wait until Y/n hears about this.

🍓🍰🐤🍀💐🍯

“He really hasn’t changed at all.” You stare out the window, taking a sip of tea from your mug as Jeongin finishes retelling the entire story to you. “I’m proud of you, Jeongin.”

“Proud of me? Why?” 

“You handled him very well. Any other boy your age would have crumbled under the pressure.” You sit next to him on the couch, putting your hand on his thigh more as comfort than a tactic to get into his pants. Regardless of your intentions, Jeongin can’t help but blush and bite his lip being the horny boy he is. “Lee Minho has a way with words. His charm worked on me in high school, and I’m sure it works on the other students in his classes.”

“Oh yeah, all the girls have crushes on him.” Jeongin covers his mouth with his hands when he realizes what he says. You just giggle at him, recalling some of the sweet, romantic moments you had with your ex-husband before everything went to shit. 

“Well, you know, the girls are going to his house this weekend. Maybe you should come over?” You ride your hand up his thigh teasingly, making Jeongin freeze as if he hasn’t had sex with you literally days earlier. “I’m always so worried about the girls when they’re with him. Maybe you can help me destress, baby boy.” 

“I’ll help you destress, mommy!” Jeongin smiles, mentally clearing his schedule for this weekend. “Can I ask something though?” 

“Ask away, baby. I’m an open book.” You lean back, one arm flailing behind your head as you take another sip from your mug.

“Why did you two… separate?” Jeongin cringes at his own words, realizing he might have crossed a line as your facial expression changes from a soft smile to a frown. “I’m just curious, sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry. I’ll tell you.” You huff as you sit up, swinging your arms forward so you can straighten your back. “He started acting distant out of nowhere, and some nights I’d wake up to find him gone from his side of the bed. A quick glance at his phone and I saw texts from another woman. I’d rather not get into gruesome details, but that’s the jist of it.”

“You don’t have to get into details. I shouldn’t have asked.” Jeongin shakes his head, leaning on your shoulder to comfort you. You put your arm around his shoulders, pulling him close to you. “Thank you for sharing with me.”

“No, thank you for asking. It feels good to get these things off of my chest.” You sigh, feeling an odd sense of relief. You’ve never talked to anyone about this other than a therapist you had for a brief time before work took over your life.

“So… was he a sub like me?” You nearly spit out your tea, Jeongin sitting up and patting your back to stop you from coughing on the drink. “Sorry! Sorry!” 

You can’t help but laugh at the curious boy, his face getting redder than you’ve ever seen. That’s the hardest you’ve ever laughed in a while. 

“Do you really want to know?” You raise an eyebrow, Jeongin covering his face with his hands in embarrassment.

“I mean… a little.” He uncovers one eye, looking at your cheerful expression and immediately calming down after seeing you aren’t mad. “You’re good at… ya know. You have to have experience being a dom, right?” 

“Actually, I’ve always been the submissive. Do you really think the egoist Lee Minho would let someone else be in control?” You laugh at your own remark, Jeongin catching on and laughing with you. “But thank you for saying I’m good at sex I guess. Although, I don’t know how much of a compliment that is considering you’re a virgin” 

“Hey! I’m not a virgin anymore!” The red-as-a-tomato Jeongin makes a return as you laugh at his defensiveness. “Can I ask… one more question?”

“Jeez, are you interviewing me or something?” You take another sip of your tea as you gesture for the boy to ask away. He gulps, calculating his final question before he has to go home.

“Can I be your boyfriend?” Pause. You stare at the floor, thinking critically to yourself. How can you let down your sweet little boy without breaking his poor heart?

“Jeongin, you know we can’t be together.” You take one of his hands in your free hand, squeezing his fingers between yours as he nods, looking down at his legs. “I’m over 10 years older than you. That would be absurd.” 

“What if no one knows?” He’s really harping on this, huh? “Or can we be another title? Maybe friends with benefits?” 

“Yang Jeongin,” your quiet, commanding voice makes Jeongin look into your eyes, seeing the seriousness in your expression, “I’m your mother’s friend, not yours. I’m not sure how to define our relationship, but if you really want a label, we can be… sex partners. But no one can know that, alright?” 

“I understand.” Jeongin squeezes your hand back, allowing a comforting silence to fill the room. “So, this weekend?” 

“You can come over Friday night. He takes the girls in the morning, but I have work for the first half of the day. I took the weekend off, though, so I’m all yours, pretty boy.” You kiss his lips, getting caught in the taste before you pull back, stay your goodbyes, and send him home for the night before you go to bed for yourself.

When Jeongin gets back to his room, he sighs and takes out his journal, cracking his fingers before laying the pencil on the paper.

I want Lee Minho to pay. I want him to pay for breaking the heart of the woman I love, even if she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings. He must be insane for cheating on such an amazing woman. If mommy marks me up, leaving hickeys all over my pale neck, I’ll boldly wear something with a low-cut so Lee Minho can see all of the marks left by the most beautiful woman in the world. I’ll make sure he knows that I satisfy her more than he ever could. Y/n, if you’re reading this, please leave pretty bruises all over my body. I want mommy to mark me so bad, make sure everyone knows I’m hers. Regardless of the label anyone puts on our relationship, no one can deny that I’m hers. Her perverted boy, her slutty toy, her little prince, all hers. Only hers.

🍓🍰🐤🍀💐🍯

The weekend flies closer than he could have imagined, and after seeing you come home exhausted and drained every single night, nothing pleases Jeongin more than knowing he’s the one that will help you relax. As he walks to your house, he regrets not going to the store and getting lotions so he could give you a massage from his unqualified hands. 

“Hey, baby.” You smile at him, bright and gorgeous as always. You invite him in and offer him a drink, which he politely declines. You notice he’s shaking more than usual, and although he was always nervous and awkward, you’ve never see him get this shaky. “Are you okay, Jeongin?”

“Mommy…”

“Oh, we’re right out the gate with this one?”

“I have a surprise for you.” Jeongin takes his shirt off and pulls down his jeans, revealing a hot pink, lace thong covering his half-hard cock. You look up from his cock to his chest, seeing fake, silver nipple rings adorning his pink buds. You cover your mouth as you gasp, indescribably turned on from the presentation this boy had planned. “That’s not all.”

He turns around, bending over so the thong dives deeper between his ass cheeks, but you quickly notice what he was hinting at. There’s a little pink rose peeking out of his ass, a clear decoration on a plug. He looks so fucking hot. You can’t take your eyes off of him.

“What do you think, mommy?” He holds his arms out as he turns around, facing you again as your body hasn’t moved since he’d last faced you. “Don’t you like it?”

“I love it, little prince.” You walk up to him, holding his waist in your hands as you pull him closer, licking one of his nipples, tasting the distinct metal flavor of the ring. “You never fail to surprise me, baby.” 

You kiss from his nipple to his panties, getting down on your knees as you lick over the thin fabric. He twitches under the lace, getting harder every second. Before your mouth can properly suck his cock, you stand up and kiss him harshly on the lips, tasting a faint strawberry flavor. You smile against his mouth, holding his by his waist again as you pull him into your body, your chests coming in contact. 

“Mommy, please sit on my face. I want to make you feel good,” Jeongin whines between kisses. Your hands run up and down his body, feeling him up and making him shiver in anticipation. For right now, you’re content with just sucking on his sweet lips, but his cock clearly needs some attention. “Please~”

“Let’s go to my bedroom, sweetheart. I’ll ride your pretty face as much as you want.” You take his hand in yours as you take him back to your room, practically throwing him on the bed. He palms himself over his thong while you undress, totally forgetting about the rules you’d set up. When you turn around, your gaze goes immediately, almost instinctively, to his hand on his cock as he half-assedly strokes himself. “Is my naughty little boy touching himself? Without my permission?” 

“Sorry, mommy. I couldn’t help it.” Jeongin presses his bottom lip out as he pouts, pulling his hand off of his cock. You roll your eyes and get onto the bed, sitting over his chest before staring down at him like you’re a shark and he’s your next meal. 

“I don’t know if you deserve to eat my pussy anymore.” You ponder, bringing your hand to your chin as if you’re genuinely considering not riding his face until you’re dripping. He puts his hands above his head and pleads again, whining in his adorable high-pitched voice. “Alright, baby boy, but only because I want this.”

You scoot up to his face, hovering your naked cunt over his gorgeous face. As you slowly start to lower your hips to his mouth, Jeongin eagerly sticks his tongue out and fights against his reflexes to just grab you. He laps at your folds, humming from the sweetness as you grind on his face and grip the headboard of the bed. 

“Good boy, Jeonginnie. If you make mommy cum, you’ll get a reward.” He moans into your pussy, his cock twitching under his lace panties just at the thought of you rewarding him. For being so hungry for punishment just days prior, he really wanted to be your good little boy just for today. He sticks his wet tongue into your cunt, inciting you to ride his face even harder, raising and lowering just enough for his tongue to never leave your tight, needy cunt. 

His tongue pulls back, leaving you empty for a moment before he starts kissing and sucking at your clit. You lean forward, putting your clit right up to his mouth all for him. Your sopping cunt was absolutely begging for an orgasm, and Jeongin was getting you there faster than you could have ever imagined. The moans leaving your throat only made Jeongin want to make you cum even more. 

“Please cum on my face, ma’am.” Jeongin wastes no time returning his tongue to your pussy, his wrists still above his head as if he were cuffed. Your legs start to get uneasy, shaking around Jeongin’s head as you breath heavily and mindlessly moan out his favorite pet names and countless praises. He’s smiling against you, sucking your folds until you finally release, your cunt tightening around his tongue as you whine and grind, riding out your high on his face. You were undoubtedly euphoric, slowly coming down from an extremely intense orgasm, but Jeongin was also through the moon, tasting all of your juices leaking into his mouth. 

“Ah, thank you little boy.” You flip your leg over his head, stepping back onto the floor with your weak, tired legs, a hand on the bed so you don’t fall over. You run a hand down his leg, Jeongin starting to shake with anticipation. He holds his wrists steady above his head without any help of restraints. Your palm runs over his cock, touching him over his thin panties. He lets out a huff, needy for more. “Does my sweet prince need to be fucked?” 

Jeongin’s whine are so fucking pathetic. A tear runs down his cheek just from the thought of you fucking him. He watches you as you turn around and reach into your drawer, digging through until you pull out a harness and a bright pink dildo that oddly matches his panties. Jeongin tightens his hole, remembering the bulb nestled in his ass. As you put the harness on, he lifts his hips and shakes his as against the bed.

“Mommy,” he whimpers, “please fuck my ass. Need your cock in me so fucking bad!” He sounds so overwhelmingly lewd, but you loved every second of it. You attach the dildo to your harness, tightening it perfectly so it won’t budge. You cup his cheek as you reposition yourself on the bed, lifting his legs over your thighs. You watch his cock tremble, begging to be touched, as Jeongin stares directly at your face, watching your eyes dart from his cock to his hardened nipped to his quivering lips. “Mommy?”

“Yes sweetheart?” You tilt your head and smile, making a burst of warmth erupt in Jeongin’s chest. 

“Please be gentle, okay?” You giggle at his cuteness and nod, reaching to your bedside to take out lube. Squirting it onto your hand, you rub the length of the dildo with one hand while you teasingly pull at his plug, pulling it out just enough to make him groan. 

“You look incredible, baby boy.” You lean down to kiss him while your hand moves from your dildo to his ass, both hands pulling out the plug before you finger him with lubed fingers. All of his moans are lost on your lips, his tongue letting out and into your mouth, dancing with yours. He squeals when your fingers leave his ass, and he knows exactly what’s next. 

You take his hands in yours from above his head, pulling them down to be next to his head. You lean over the boy while you line your cock with his hole, teasingly pushing the tip against his entrance. 

“I’ll go slow, don’t worry angel.” Your hands hold your hips as you slowly push the strap into Jeongin, watching it disappear into his tight little hole. His thong is pushed to the side of his hole while painfully rubbing against the bottom of his shaft. You would have taken it off, but he just looks too damn sexy in them. 

Jeongin writhes as you stop halfway, petting his sides to help him calm down. He feels so full, so stretched, something he’s never felt before. He’s wanted this for so long, he just wants to enjoy it so bad, especially for you, but the pain is starting to get to him. He’s whining loudly, biting down on his lip harshly in hopes of silencing some of his sounds. 

“Jeongin? Are you okay?” Your voice is soft, but not delicate. You’re speaking at a regular volume, an attempt to pull Jeongin out of his head. He opens his eyes and looks at you, tears threatening to fall out. “What’s the safe word?” 

“Avocado.” 

“One more time for me, baby. What’s the safe word?” Without moving your hips, you lean forward to hold onto his face. He looks so gorgeous, messy and covered in sweat. You just want him to be happy. 

“Avocado.” He pushes his face against your hand, his voice returning to a regular pitch. “You can go further now, mommy.” 

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” You lean more to kiss his forehead, admiring his sharp facial features. 

“I want you to fuck me, please.” His tone is flat, sounding almost unenthused until the final word. You nod and patiently push into him, carefully watching his face for any indication of pain. Jeongin starts to groan loudly as you bottom out, pressing the bottom of the harness against him. “Thank you.” 

“Good boy, Innie. My angel’s so pretty like this.” Your hands go to his chest, dainty fingers pinching his nipples just how he likes. His moans are back to being the high, pathetic whines you’re used to from the boy. His cock twitches, a drop of precum dripping from the tip. “You ready for me to move, my little prince?”

“Yes, mommy. I’m ready!” Your heart warms watching Jeongin’s face light up for such a perverted sentiment. He looks so excited, finally starting to enjoy it. You grip his hips tight as you pull out, watching his cock stutter and his mouth hang open. When you pound back into him slowly, Jeongin feels that familiar warmth in his stomach. 

“You like this, baby boy? You like getting fucked by your mommy?” Your voice is sinister as you increase the pace, rhythmically moving your hips against Jeongin’s ass. His legs shutter as you fuck him, all of his nerves standing on edge. “Who’s mommy’s little cumslut?”

“I am, mommy! I’m your little c-cum… fuck!” Jeongin throws his head back as you wrap one hand around his cock, your other hand is grounded on his hip. You start to jerk him, fast and aggressive, coaxing him to an orgasm even faster.

The dildo drags against Jeongin’s walls, brushing past the sensitive spot he didn’t even know he had. With every thrust and stroke, he can feel himself start to fall apart, all of his speech devolving into incoherent whines and cries. Sweat drips down his forehead as he finds it harder and harder to hold back his release. 

“C-close,” he whimpers, “gonna cum.” 

“Aw, my sweet little boy ready to cum?” You speed up the movements of your hand, tightening your iron grip on his sensitive, red cock. Jeongin feels his reality start to fade, only being able to focus on his impending orgasm. “Cum all you want, baby. Be a good little boy and cum for mommy.”

Your eyes stare intensely at his cock as he’s pushed over the edge, his body convulsing as he has the most powerful orgasm of his life. He shoots his load all over his abs and chest, some dripping onto your hand. Your hand goes still on his shaft, but your hips still slowly rut into him, easing him through his high. 

“Gonna pull out now, alright pretty boy?” He nods, bringing his hand up to his face for him to bite down on his finger. You gently pull your hips back, eventually slipping out of him, watching him breath heavily as you let go of his hips and cock. “Did you like that?” 

“Yes, Y/n. You felt so good,” he smiles, watching you as you stand up to pull the harness off and toss it towards the drawer for you to clean later. “Can we get dinner now?”

“Sweetheart, you need to rest!” You walk to the side of the bed and give him a peck on his forehead, soon kissing him on his plush lips. He lays on your bed, limbs spread out as he’s lifeless and naked. “You did so well for me. I’ll cook you dinner while you take a nap, alright?”

“I’d like that, mommy. Thank you!” You pull the discarded comforter over his body, forcing him to get warm and cozy under your covers. He looked so sweet in your bed, snuggled against the soft bed that smelled like you. 

“How about pasta? Does my boy like pasta?” He nods, shutting his eyes and rolling to his side, preparing to sleep. “I’ll be back in an hour. Rest well, Jeongin.” 

“Thank you~”

Jeongin dozes off as you get dressed in lounge pants, a loose shirt, underwear and no bra. He looks so peaceful sleeping, so you’re extra quiet when you slip out of your bedroom to the kitchen. 

You gather the ingredients and start to boil the water when you get a call. Just as before, it’s your ex-husband, Minho. You groan and hesitantly press the green phone button, turning the call to speaker before setting your phone on the counter. 

“Y/n? Hello?”

“What do you want, Minho?” Your voice sounds disinterested to say the least, and Minho immediately gets the hint that his call was not wanted. 

“I’m gonna cut to the chase. One of my student’s grades are suffering because of your relationship with him-“

“Shouldn’t you be watching my kids?” You don’t have the mental capacity to listen to Minho scold you right now. Your motherly instincts are tingling, and he should be watching your little angels right now. 

“They’re with their stepmom right now.” You grumble at his use of the word “stepmom” considering your daughters still call her by her first name, but nevertheless, you go silent, hoping he’ll get on with this call. “As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, you need to stop playing games with Yang Jeongin.” 

“Playing games?” Your face turns red as anger suddenly fills your brain. “We aren’t playing games, Lee Minho. We’re adults. Neither of us need your permission.” 

“You’re playing with this kid’s feelings. Don’t you feel bad?” You pause, watching bubbles start to rise in the pot. “This kid is suffering just because you want to be fucked and you’re too prideful to-“

“Don’t even say that, Minho.” You reach for the box of pasta, dumping the noodles into the pot of boiling water. “I’ll never get back with you. You know that.” 

“What does he have that I don’t?” You hear a loud tsk through the phone, Minho taking a break in his talk to ponder his next move. “You’d rather fuck a college student than a real man?”

“Jeongin’s more of a real man than you’ll ever be!” You’re nearly yelling at this point, rage overwhelming you. “What do you know about our relationship anyway? It’s none of your business.”

“Oh, but it is!” Before you have a chance to respond to his outlandish comment, he chimes back in. “He writes in his little fantasy book every single class, and every time I look over his shoulder, I have to see your name scrawled over every page. He’s obsessed with you, Y/n.” 

“Shut up! Just, shut up!” You stop stirring the pasta to collect your thoughts, breathing in before you lash out at Minho over the phone. “Go watch my kids-“

“Our kids.”

“Go watch our kids and never speak to me about this again. I’ll tell Jeongin to get his grades up. Just, for fuck’s sake, leave me alone.” You hang up, angrily throwing your phone onto the counter again. You hear the floor squeak behind you and you turn around, a scared Jeongin standing behind you with the blanket wrapped around him.

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” His eyes well up with tears, fearful of how you’ll respond. “This was a mistake.” 

“Jeongin, baby, no!” You drop the spoon to the edge of the pot and bring Jeongin in for a hug, squeezing him tightly. His arms wrap around your neck, the blanket falling to the floor to reveal him wearing one of your big shirts. “Don’t mind him. How much did you hear?”

“A-all of it.” He sniffles, collecting himself with deep breaths. “I didn’t know I’d cause so much trouble.”

“It’s Minho who’s causing trouble, not you.” You pet down his back, trying to get him to calm down and stop crying. “Go back to my room and lay down, babe.” 

“Can I stay out here and watch you?” You lean down to pick up the blanket, wrapping it around Jeongin again. His eyes are puffy and red as if he’s been emotional for a while, and your heart aches just looking at his disheveled state. 

“Of course, baby. Go sit on that stool.” He pulls the stool out from under the kitchen island and gets comfortable, leaning on the counter with his elbows. You go back to stirring the pasta, watching it rise and fall. “I love you, Jeongin.” 

“I love you too, Y/n. Thank you for inviting me here today.” He swoons at your bright demeanor, a stark contrast from the bitter persona you’d taken while on the phone with his professor. “What did you mean when you said I’m a… real man?” 

You laugh a bit, dropping the spoon to the side and getting butter and a bowl out for the pasta. “Lee Minho was never a good man. He takes advantage of everyone who comes into his life. You’re not like that.” 

Jeongin tilts his head. “Then what am I like?” 

“You’re, uh…” you put your hand on your chin, scratching at your skin in thought. “You’re very kind and genuine, which is a bit surprising for a boy your age.”

Jeongin hated every time you brought up age. It only furthered to remind him about how different you two were, and how he never had a chance with you from the start. In your eyes, he’ll never be more than a kid, and that ate away and him. Jeongin’s only goal with you was for you to see him as an equal rather than a child, but he wasn’t sure how to go about reaching that.

“So I’m a real man?” Jeongin smiles, his heart fluttering thinking of you calling him a man. 

“Pasta’s ready! Do you want cheese?” You pour the pasta from the strainer into the bowl, mixing it with the butter. Per your request, Jeongin gets the powdered cheese out of the refrigerator, sitting at the kitchen island again, this time with you right next to him, piling pasta onto his plate before yours, your motherly instincts kicking in again. 

“Thank you mo- I mean, Y/n!” You both giggle at his adorable slip up, appreciating each other’s company. 

“You’re welcome, baby boy.” You push his hair from his forehead and kiss his nose, his cheeks quickly turning a deep shade of pink. “So cute.” 

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