#sneeg: lags the server

[insomniackel]

what is the realm even about

[catbubz14]

If I had a nickel for every time Sneeg lagged a Tubbo server, I’d have 2 nickels, which isn’t a lot but weird that it happened twice.

[gangsteri-aine]

Foolish best idea to help Ros rn is to have Sneeg lag the server with 10k mobs again and have Ros walk on soulsand with slowness potions and cobwebs

[realm-newsletter]

The Ball, The Null, and Skulk, oh my!

March started off with one hell of a bang! The long-awaited Ball happened, people got Thanos-snapped into the Null, and there’s a new kind of corruption plaguing the server: Skulk.

The Ball

How did it go? BAD!!!

The Teal Titans hosted a brief pre-party at their base to get everyone hyped up for the event. While everyone was still hanging out in their base, Ros said that the ball’s entry fee was one diamond block and everyone paid. Beky stole a handful of the diamond blocks, and Aimsey accidentally shot and killed her while she was running away. Aimsey felt bad about that, so he and Beky made a deal with the Keepers to transfer one of his lives to Beky in exchange for loot from an Ancient City.

Couples: Aimsey and Ros, Bad and Foolish, Pangi and Sausage, Scott and CPK, Beky and a Keeper, Owen and Pili. Losers who went alone: Tubbo, Krow, and Sneeg.

Sneeg arrived late after purposefully lagging out the server with the Blender, and then tried to refuse to come if the Keepers didn’t teleport his “date” to the ball with him: Burpus with no Purpose, a pillager whose crossbow was taken off it. He had to be teleported back to the ball twice.

Guests were coatchecked; all items besides tools and armor had to be put into shulkers, including enderchests, and given to Keepers for safe-keeping.

Upon entering the ball, there was Faction-specific seating that was only somewhat adhered to. Beky sat with the Blue faction; Pangi, Sausage, and Bad sat with the Yellow faction; Owen and Pili sat alone at the Green faction table.

Faction leaders gave speeches! For full speeches, I encourage checking out Ros’s vod on YouTube. After the speeches, there was dancing and drinking and general cheer! Ros then gave another speech thanking everyone for attending, Foolish for making the Kingdom, and Bad, Aimsey, Pangi, and Pili for helping in the construction of the ballroom itself. 

The Keepers announced that they had prepared several games for them to play. Sausage played with the Yellow faction, Pili played with Green, and no one played for Red. Everyone was given a list of items to gather from barrels scattered around the ballroom, bingo-style. After this game was completed, the Keepers asked for each faction to nominate one person who had had the greatest impact on their faction. Blue nominated Aimsey; Yellow nominated Ros; Green nominated Pangi.

The Keepers had one more trick up their sleeves: The factions were given 10 minutes to find 50 logs around the ballroom, or else their chosen people would be “wiped from existence.” 😨 They failed to gather the logs in time.

As the nominees were gathering onstage, all of the tables but Yellow’s were revealed to be trapped and were blown up with a button on Yellow’s table that triggered the explosions. The culprit is still at large.

The Keepers urged the factions to work together moving forward, and then the nominees were kicked from the server.

Beky gathered the Realmers at her library with the siren call of secret information. She revealed the Keepers had given her a set of books about “7 Calamities” and the Corruption, which turned the previous occupants of the Realm into the Keepers we know and “love.” Beky speculated that the players (“Outworlders”) were brought to the Realm in order to become strong warriors. Snails are part of the “Project S.N.A.I.L.” directive to further encourage players to level and become stronger. There have been previous Outworlder groups that failed.

There is a calamity called “The Maddening” which happens when an Outworlder dies a dramatic death. Symptoms include a change in eyes, memory loss, aggression, a shift in personality, and an attraction to Corruption. (Remind us of anything?🤔)

The F.A.C.T.I.O.N. pact is made between all people present; the pact declares that, in the face of any larger threat, the factions will work together to overcome it. After signing it, a Keeper declares that new Faction quests have been disbursed to be completed without their most critical members. The quests were: A bed matching their faction color, an amount of froglights, and a plant/flower (Torchflower seeds, wither roses, and chorus flowers). 

Bad and Foolish fulfilled their death pact; Snoozer set off an explosion that killed Foolish. Bad survived and then burnt himself to death. OOC, Bad said that in-character, both were killed in the explosion.

The Null

Ros, Pangi, and Aimsey woke up in a dark room called “The Null.” Each had a color-coded bed made out of carpet. Pangi moved Aimsey and Ros’s beds to be closer together. 

They aren’t sure how long they’ve been trapped, although it’s been at least several days. Aimsey thinks it’s been at least a decade, Ros claims 21 years, Pangi claims 50. They’ve given up on their servermates saving them.

After some back and forth and joking around (Ros is building a castle on an iPad, eating Pangi for rations), a Keeper shows up and says that Aimsey can return to the Realm to complete a deal. Aimsey refuses to leave unless he can take Ros and Pangi with him. All three return to the Realm, albeit changed by their experience. Ros returned with severe memory loss. 

The three are filled in on Beky’s lore books, and decline to sign the F.A.C.T.I.O.N. pact, citing a distrust of the factions’ ability to work together, especially since the ball had been trapped.

Several people interrogate Ros on her memory loss; Foolish and Tubbo say she has lost her joy and whimsy, and Tubbo and Bad separately accuse her of being an imposter. Bad takes her hostage; she is freed by Tubbo and his Snail Army, but Bad continues to chase her saying he just wants to “cure” her. He corners her in the castle and accidentally sets off Sneeg’s alarm system, freaking Ros out more. He continually tries to therapize her, and then chases her around, hitting her with steak to “jog her memory.”

Pangi claims to have returned “fine,” visibly less shaken by his experience. He even asks to be sent back to the Null to avoid Pili 5 Apples Tall, which is briefly fulfilled. He says he knows that the Null was the Keepers’ realm, and that he feels that the Keepers have been against him since day one. He has stolen one of the Keepers’ cloaks, and he wants to hunt them in their own clothing. He wants to kill them because nobody has seen one die.

[We do not currently have detailed information on Aimsey’s activities immediately post-Null. If you would like to help us fill in the gaps in our reporting, send in a contributor application!]

Skulk?!

[We do not currently have detailed notes on the state of Sneeg and Aimsey’s Skulk infections from the beginning of March. Due to its importance, we are still reporting on it to the best of our ability. If you would like to help us fill in the gaps in our reporting, send in a contributor application!]

Sneeg and Aimsey initially met up to discuss the fact that both of them have been hearing things. Initially they only discussed hearing the Dragon, however after further discussion found that they were also hearing the Warden. Auditory hallucination buddies! They theorized that this had to do with the Dragon Egg Shards, and sought out others who might have them to see if they’d also been hearing things. 

The two were instructed to gather ten Warden Souls by the Keepers, and then to spawn and kill the Wardens. The Warden Souls were objects that, when thrown on the ground with a sculk sensor, would spawn in a Warden. Sneeg and Aimsey wandered around an Ancient City, following the sound of heartbeats, to the Warden Souls. They tested killing one Warden in the Ancient City, before returning to the Blender to kill the rest. The Wardens each had a chance of dropping a Cracked Sculk Catalyst, which was what the Keepers ultimately wanted to gather. The Keepers kept three Catalysts for their own purposes, and told Aimsey and Sneeg to each eat one, which they did. Eating the Catalysts gave them back one life, however the Keepers warned them that it would cost them part of their humanity.

Following their Ancient City excursion, Sneeg found that his arm had a Skulk vein growing on it, as well as blocks of Skulk around the Blender and his room in the castle. Aimsey’s second house also has Skulk growing around it.

It has been noted that Skulk acts as a counter to the Corruption, stopping it from spreading when placed around it.

[terezicaptor]

I do not care remotely about the blender I'm gonna be honest. I have 0 feelings about it

The only thing ik about it is that it creates tons of lag for everyone else on the server so the admins do something to limit the lag which nerfs the farm, then sneeg complains for hours then just purposely creates more lag as "protest". So thank god bbh 😭😭

badboyhalo you will recieve 1 epic kiss on the lips for this

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

Sneeg is embracing being a menace and is trying to intentionally lag the server now

[hopepetal]

A little fanfic I wrote for the aftermath of MCC 33, because both Pearl and Impulse raided Scar. And also Boatem <3

--

Pearl sat on the balloon, legs hanging off the side as she looked out over the MCC server. Her wings fluttered lightly against her back– it was nice to be able to use them again after so long of having them hidden. 

She had gotten close! Really, really close! Even though she was rusty still, she had been able to get almost in the top twenty! And her team had gotten third overall. Pretty cool, in her opinion. She was still riding that high from meltdown, though. Maybe she was a good leader for that, after all.

From the distance, she heard a familiar voice. “Peaaaaaaarl! Pearl Pearl Pearl Pearl Pearl Pearl–!” Scar, equipped with elytra, slammed head first into the spot right beside her with a squawk. “Oh, ouch! Goodness, the lag on this server is awful!” he complained, pushing himself up and plopping down beside her. “So! How was MCC, how are you feeling?” he prompted, and Pearl let out a soft chuckle.

“I’m feeling pretty good,” she admitted, “I did pretty well. A little disappointing at the end, but…” She shrugged. “Y’know, what can ya do? We did our best, and that’s what matters.”

Scar nodded. “And that’s what matters, indeed!” he exclaimed. “You know, I was secretly rooting for you guys. Above my own team, even! I was really hoping you’d get that win.”

Pearl laughed, shaking her head. “Scar! That’s so sweet of you, mate. I appreciate it.” She let the silence between them sit for a moment. “How was Etho?”

“He was good, he was good! I’m hopin’ he’ll come back, y’know, maybe we’ll all be on the same team then.” Scar kicked his legs back and forth, leaning forward. “I actually did so much better than I thought I would! I got in a top ten! A top ten, Pearl!”

Pearl beamed, clapping her hands together. “That’s awesome, Scar!” she praised, “I knew you could do it. What was it in?”

“Meltdown! Which, if I recall correctly, you guys did amayzingly in too!”

Pearl grinned. “Oh, you bet. I’ll be riding that high for ages. I make a pretty good leader, it turns out!”

The two were interrupted by yet another familiar face flying up to their little spot– Impulse, seemingly also struggling with his elytra, judging by how rough the landing had been. “It’s just the generic version,” he complained to the two as soon as he’d steadied himself, “I’m too used to the personalized elytra we get on hermitcraft.” He sat himself down on Pearl’s other side. 

“Honestly, sounds like you should just grow wings,” Pearl teased, giving her own a small flutter. “You did amazing, mate. What team were you on, again?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. 

Impulse returned the smile she gave him. “Aqua Axolotls! I was with Sneeg, Illumina, and Joel.”

“I’m not even gonna try to say that team name,” Scar muttered, earning soft laughter from the other two.

“That sounds like a fun team, though,” Pearl commented. “How was it?”

Impulse nodded. “It was pretty fun! Joel yelled a lot, of course. He was very excited whenever he saw Etho, though.”

“I can imagine!” Scar piped up. “Kinda sad that Grian couldn’t make it this time. We all know how much that man loves Etho.”

Pearl shrugged. “Poor guy was just busy, I guess. You can imagine his horror when he realized Etho was in this MCC and he hadn’t signed up.”

“That’s why you’re here, right? To give him all the insider info?” Impulse asked, and Pearl laughed.

“Yeah, he wishes. I’m not telling him a thing,” she snickered, and Scar gasped dramatically.

“The cleaning lady has an evil heart!” he cried, “she abandons her brother in his time of need…!” 

“Ah, he’ll get over it!” 

The three sat in silence for a while after that, their shared company enough to fill the silence. Pearl sighed softly, leaning back and tilting her head toward the sky. “Well, it’s high time we probably head back to hermitcraft. You fellas wanna come with?”

Scar jumped up, holding out a hand to her. “Why of course!” he exclaimed, helping pull her up when she took his hand. “Let’s go back and surprise Mumbo with the good news of my top ten!”

“I’m sure he’ll be dying to hear about it,” Impulse chuckled. “And Grian, of course. We can have a little boatem meeting, just like the old days!”

“Even though boatem got crushed by the moon,” Pearl reminded them.

Scar tutted softly, shaking his head. “Ahh, Pearl, that’s where you’re wrong! Boatem is a state of mind, not just a pole! So long as we keep boatem in our hearts, it will stay alive.”

“You’re a goofball,” Pearl pointed out with a laugh. 

“He’s our goofball,” Impulse corrected. “Right. Whoever gets back onto hermitcraft and to Mumbo first wins. See ya!” And with that, he disconnected.

Pearl yelped. “Oh, that’s not fair, my ping–!” She watched Scar disconnect, and decided it would be best to quickly follow suit.

impulseSV left the game GoodTimeWithScar left the game PearlescentMoon left the game

[djevelbl]

SNEEG STOP LAGGING THE SERVER

[heartcircus]

“why’s the server lagging” and you turn around to see sneeg with 10000 silverfish in his back pocket

[galatoma]

Tubbo used to run a modded smp that Sneeg was also in called big dig smp which included a chocobo mod. Now, there was a very specific glitch with the Chocobos in the mod that would just cause them to duplicate endlessly, which is what happened to Sneeg's chocobos (one of whom was infamously Frank). Frank's unstoppable womb duplicated the chocobo population so much it irreversibly destroyed the server with lag

If you ever have the time please watch this video sneeg made of the incident his face when he saw chocobos flooding out of the portal is priceless

first, we need to rig the mod vote so that we get chocobos, and THEN we put the chocobos IN purgatory so that sneeg can find frank which will allow for frank's unstoppable womb to p

[chitto]

imagine this:

its the final confrontation with dream on the server. everyone is at their wits end but dream? hes just getting started. everyone begins to lose hope.

but then, in the distance the sounds of horses hooves can be heard. in rides lil nas x on a horse with industry baby blasting. his kills dream in one shot.

the day is september 17th, lil nas promos his debut album, dreamsmp is revealed as a very elaborate promotional stunt.

sneeg joins the server and suddenly the entire server shuts down due to lag. this is the end of dreamsmp

[ranboo-lorekeeper]

Origins SMP - Sep. 29 2021

Power up everyone because it's vwooping time (Origins SMP) 

no lore in this vod, technically! just some character stuff, and i figured people might appreciate having summaries of even non-lore vods! it got long so i’ll leave it under the cut

-finds new portal on nether roof, questions it but accepts it -destroys the path to the stronghold portal, saying he wants to keep it secret -when told phil knows, he says phil needs to learn to mind his own business and breaks the new portal, later saying it must have been a ghast that did it -relights it when he realizes the overworld portal still syncs, but says that he wants the nether roof to be his and his alone -says he will guilt people over killing endermen so they can’t get pearls -”i’m not a MONSTER, i will replant my wheat” -it starts raining, he hides under the pube

-he calls phil and works with him to fix the nether portals -calls the nether roof “his” -says he would purposely put things on the roof that would hurt people -despite the fact that he knows phil knows about the stronghold, he purposely hides its existence from him -”i’m just a little guy, phil. i just want to do my little things in my little hole- that came out wrong.” -phil pranks him by showing up with a pumpkin on his head -makes an agreement with phil to build a room around phil’s nether roof portal to dissuade others from exploring the roof -says “nope” when phil asks him if he’s keeping secrets. phil leaves call and he immediately says he will keep so many secrets

-”i don’t have a plan or any secret thing, i just like people thinking that i do” “it’s funny when people think that you have a plan” -he decides to move the portals up higher so they’re more hidden  -instead of doing this he goes quartz mining to get experience for silk touch -sees a baby zombie pigman on a chicken. stares at it for a second, says “huh” and moves on -”when you just see a lone chicken in the nether, you know a child has been killed. that is INCREDIBLE.” -loses the portal, gets stuck in the nether, makes it out after several minutes of searching

-gets lost AGAIN in the overworld going back to the pube, finds his way back quickly -”i remember. i have great memory of where my location is. i just took a longcut” -says he does not want silk touch, but actually wants fortune 3 -gets a music disc (11) while farming mobs for experience -won’t purposely anger endermen, but WILL kill any he angers, trying to convince chat it deserved to die, killing the rest in the area after the first -enchants an efficiency 4 unbreaking 3 silk touch mending pickaxe, naming it R. uses it to collect amethyst crystals

-phil blows up a hole in the nether roof, ranboo comes over to watch -almost died in the explosion, didn’t really care -listens to 11, says “eh. it could have been better” -phil lags out so hard that he stops being able to interact with the world or die -sneeg is also lagging heavily, ranboo is alright -apparently according to phil, the server’s backbone has broken and the host is having issues, it recovers eventually -ranboo glances at 11 in his inventory several times, saying he has no clue what could have caused the glitch -he gets a second disc. it’s mellohi. -ranboo dies on the way to rescue sneeg and his items, they both recover everything -he lights two trees on fire randomly as he’s leaving, denying it when phil asks -according to him, water eats away at his skin, quickly killing him -more arson. ranboo why

-gets caught in the rain again -starts playing mellohi while caught under a tree, disc gets removed from the jukebox several times but he puts it back in -considers going mining but ends stream instead

[michaels-two-dads]

Oh another update on origins apparently it’s super scuffed, like the map generation I think doesn’t work well for the screenshot they’re using so for the first day they weren’t supposed to load new chunks because it would lag the server, items don’t always stack correctly, there was a whole thing today where Phil got stuck not being able to interact with things and then falling into the void when he reloged and sneeg drowned it water that he wasn’t in and wasn’t flowing at all, I fear that sneeg has brought the curse of destroying servers to origins too

Oh god HJDDHSJ. They got a whole new server and it still was wack

[michaelmcchillsmpe]

Day 8 | 12/1/19

Michael hopes on SMP Earth after an hour of Clone Hero. He joins the server and is greeted by James and gun noises. After attempting to see if he could play Minecraft with his clone hero guitar (but failing to know how to turn those controls on), he joins a VC filled with so much chaos already that I don’t even know who all was in there. All I know is that there was Dinkster, Poke, Burren, and Jameskii in there. He leaves after a minute though anyway and joins a private call with James.

He immediately wants to buy a gun after killing a couple of zombies.

Michael finds out James is building a train station in a horizontal chunk error into the side of their mountain.

They talk about how good villagers are and how airstrikes work.

Michael gets scared by a creeper exploding thinking that it was a gun and proceeds to yell “MOTHERFUCKER” over and over. He also yells at Chip about it.

Michael brings up the idea to put a bunker in their mountain courtesy of his girlfriend’s suggestion.

Michael gets James to make him an efficiency 5 pickaxe since James apparently has 64 XP levels.

Apparently the IP got leaked by someone but no one got in since the server has protection against that.

Michael pokes fun at Junkyjanker with that since he had leaked the IP for SMP Live when he joined.

They talk about taxes.

The server closes for a bit.

Poke raids Michael and then joins their VC.

They talk about a lot of random stuff. James and Poke always create interesting conversations.

Michael tries to get Chip to give him a gun by pulling him into a VC.

Sylvee joins VC to try to talk to Chip.

Chip leaves the VC but Michael tries to get him to come back because James and Poke are trying to get their friend on the server because Wilbur already approved.

James breaks 16 chests filled to the brim with blocks so all the blocks are just on the ground and lagging the entire server. 

James and Michael try to bury each other in their horizontal chunk error.

Luna (a member of Fruit Club and the friend James and Poke were trying to get on the server) joins the VC before getting on the server.

James obtains a picture of Stan Lee and gives it to Michael.

Poke keeps talking about buying furniture throughout this all.

Luna joins packle.

Michael cockblocks Luna from getting materials for a little bit.

Michael still wants a gun but has not purchased one yet.

He works on the houses he’s supposed to be building for the people who donated to him.

They won’t stop breaking Michael’s chests.

Sylvee shares her plans to make MadaNascar

Michael tries to get someone to buy him a gun AGAIN.

Michael finds out that the block glitch for climbing people’s houses in their claimed lands no longer works.

He finds Christmas island that has a Christmas tree built by Sylvee.

Chip and Inktea join the VC and almost hear some really disgusting stuff.

Someone tried to hack the server but couldn’t since it was protected and now they technically have his information because the kid didn’t use a VPN.

Poke has been trying to find a ping pong table to buy for like ten minutes.

Michael flies to Luna, James, and Sylvee.

Poke leaves.

Kara joins the VC

Michael and Luna discover how to deforest extremely quickly.

They pull Jordan into the call to bully him and demand things.

Everyone flies to Jordan’s base.

They make Jordan give them a chorus fruit to grow and Kara gives them endstone.

They all stay around Jordan’s base as they wait for the chorus fruit to grow.

Inktea watches them from afar

The ever ominous Inktea

Kara shoots Ink with her gun, he disappears for a second, and reappears on top in full diamond armor again.

Chip arrives to watch too.

They attempt to leave Jordan

Kara kills Chip.

Chip retaliates and airstrikes them.

Jordan gets upset by Kara ringing his bell at his base.

Sylvee attacks Michael in his plane as they fly around.

Michael and Sylvee join Chip’s VC to ask him why he’s following them and Michael demands a gun. Jameskii is also in the VC with Ink. James joins as well.

Sylvee won’t stop asking if Jameskii is naked.

Chip and Jameskii leave the VC.

They arrive back in California.

Jordan joins the VC.

BeanIsland becomes allies with Packle.

KingdomOfJordan becomes allies with Packle.

Jameskii and Chip come back into the VC. 

Sylvee murders Chip.

Chip finally gives Michael a gun after he won’t stop asking.

James one-shots Chip with a bow.

Chip makes a faction and makes it an enemy to Packle because he can.

There’s apparently a password people on the server are trying to figure out. Sneeg uses all the attempts before you can’t guess again for 24 hours. Jordan is just confused about what the password is for.

James cut out a section of earth and just fills it with water while Sylvee builds an extremely mini version of Earth in it.

Jameskii won’t stop asking about if there’s a Walmart.

Michael fills in James and Sylvee’s mini world hole.

Sylvee and Chip get blown up by a creeper.

Cuck somehow was renamed to Braphog so Michael makes a nametag to rename him back to cuck.

Michael logs off for the night because he got a headache and wasn’t feeling like playing Earth anymore that night.

Quotes:

Michael: “How gun.”

Jameskii: “There’s just one slice of bacon on the floor on a plate and it’s surrounded by really disturbing Mickey Mouse models with talking nipples.”

Michael: “Chat, give me a fursona. Draw me a fursona, chat. Make me super sexy.”

Michael: *reading subscription message* “‘don’t disrespect the blood god’ fuck that. I’ll fuckin’ spit in blood god’s mouth.” James: “I’ll go whoop blood god’s fucking ass right now.” Michael: *laughing* “I’ll pull out my AK47.”

Michael: “I’m gonna dox him.”

James: *doing that weird voice he does* “Kill me.” Sylvee: “I don’t like that.”

James: “Michael is simpin’ right now.”

James: “Catch me in the woods, taming that wood.” Poke: “What does that- yeah, I agree.”

James: “My man boobs are throbbing in excitement.”

Michael: “DON’T SHOOT CUCK.”

Poke: “I’m currently being gay, can you leave me alone for two seconds, Michael.”

Michael: “Why are you strippin’ my shit, you fucking hoe.”

Poke: “I’m gonna use Michael as a ping pong table.” Michael: “I’m gonna use you as a fucking cum rag.”

Poke: “When the cum sock starts walking.”

Sylvee: (to Jordan) “You sound sad.” Jordan: “Oh, I am.”

Sylvee: “Hey guys, Miss Captain Jordan Ladybug Sparklez here, back at it again with a Minecraft lets play.”

Kara: “Go sleep.” Michael: “I can’t, Kara! I’m showing James my ass.”

Half of the quotes are James. He just says too much weird shit to NOT quote him.

[heartcircus]

sneeg just laughing like a madman at causing the whole server to lag

[pokecraftking]

So what happened was this:

So on Tubbo's smp, the Big Dig SMP, Sneegsnag, one of their friends on the smp who was streaming had 3 chocobos (like from final fantasy), including his chocobo Frank. He went to get quartz in the nether for literally like 5 minutes and saw a SWARM of chocobos flowing through the portal, about 30 of them. He went through and saw none. So he went to his base, and there were LITERAL THOUSANDS OF THEM AROUND HIS BASE IN THE OCEAN. THE SHEER QUANTITY OF THEM LAGGED THE SERVER SO HEAVILY THAT THE ENTIRE SERVER CRASHED AND TOOK TUBBOS PC WITH IT!

Apparently theres a glitch where if a chocobo is in an unloaded chunk and is in water, it randomly clones itself, which led to Frank accidentally cloning about a thousand other chocobos into existance and somewhat breaking the whole server, needing the whole location to be literally nuked to get rid of them.

On the bright side, they have cooked chocobo meat that should last for a few months. Bad news: poor sneeg had to kill his own chocobo I believe to make sure it wouldn't clone itself into oblivion again.

damn Frank took submissive and breedable to a whole new level