#so he visits dance battles and stuff to be sentimental and stuff

[schnaf]

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[caffeinatedseri]

Dazai and No Longer Human’s Yozo

It’s no secret that BSD’s Dazai draws heavily from his real life counterpart, especially from his semi-autobiographical work: No Longer Human. To preface, No Longer Human is written from the perspective of the main character Yozo, with the book itself being a documentation of Yozo’s notebooks (essentially his journals) throughout his life. 

As you progress through the novel, it becomes increasingly clear that Yozo lives an extremely two-sided life; his foolish personality acts as a facade to others in attempts to hide the darker nature within him. 

Dazai shares that obvious similarity with Yozo, but Dazai is characterized in a somewhat vague and mysterious way that leaves a lot of his inner thoughts up to interpretation and inferences. Thus, I’ll be going through some of my favorite quotes from No Longer Human and analyzing Dazai’s character through his similarities to Yozo.

(For the sake of readability, excerpts from No Longer Human will be in pictures, and quotes from the light novel will be in regular block quotes).

Dazai and Yozo’s Participation in Clownery

To start off, Dazai noticeably participates in the same “clowning” as Yozo, which in particular stands out with PM Dazai.

““How did your leg get hurt?” I pointed to the bandages, thinking that it must be the result of some violent fight. “I was reading a book titled ‘How to Prevent Accidental Injuries’ while walking when I accidentally fell into a ditch.” I wasn’t expecting such an abnormal response.” — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era (Oda’s POV)

This is pretty standard Dazai behavior, but the interesting part is how Yozo specifically used the word “deceiving.” If we were to assume Yozo’s true thoughts are Dazai’s as well, then it would imply that Dazai feels as if he’s manipulating people with his absurd claims (such as the above). However, in actuality, his clownish behaviors sound more like a joke, or some type of self-deflection, rather than an attempt to manipulate people. (Yozo also states that he would often incriminate himself by overexaggerating certain things, but I don’t think Dazai does that).

The second statement Yozo makes implies that he doesn’t care about ethics, morality, or the supposed “right way” of living life that’s described as “righteousness.”

Yozo’s statement on “righteousness” parallels Dazai’s in Dark Era, but Dazai’s statement carries a slightly different sentiment. Rather than being indifferent to the likes of morality, Dazai says that he’s “hated” by the concept of morality. 

I’ll be speculating a bit here → It’s heavily implied that Dazai had some sort of dark past that led him to joining the mafia, since he was already suicidal prior to doing so. This suggests that something affected his life so drastically to the point where he could no longer trust in such things as “righteousness,” because righteousness has wronged him in the past.

First, Yozo expresses his fear of people discovering his true nature under the mask of clownery, which would then lead to them pestering him for further inquiry. However, his real fear is that people would mistake his true nature as another part of his typical clownery.

More so than before, this attitude reminds me more of Dazai in the agency, rather than him in the mafia. Even though Dazai danced around darker topics in his conversations with Oda, he was still able to talk about them without much conflict. However, in the agency, Dazai doesn’t talk much about himself or any of his personal issues at all. 

Although this scene has comedic overtones, it’s interesting to see that no one would help Dazai if he was actually dying. Still, it could be argued that the other agency members knew it was just Dazai’s regular antics. (or that Dazai wouldn’t die in the first place). 

This scenario repeats itself another time when Dazai gets kidnapped by the mafia, and the other agency members kind of just brush it aside. As much as they may trust Dazai to take care of himself (which I’m sure he can do), it’s worrying that the other members may not be open to Dazai’s possible attempts at reaching out for help, if he were ever to make one. 

In LN 4, 55 Minutes, Atsushi addresses this issue by asking Dazai why he wants to kill himself, but the answer is left open-ended, with Atsushi himself not remembering the answer (or if Dazai even did answer). You could interpret Dazai’s change from his time in the PM as an improvement of his mental state — which I have no doubt that has happened — but Dazai needs to face his issues head-on if he truly wanted to reconcile with his past.

“Perhaps someone should persistently tie Dazai up, open the lid over his chest and stuff the head of a vacuum cleaner in. They have to let Dazai, who should be screaming in pain and resisting, settle down. Following which, the difficult things in his heart must all be dragged out under the sun and stepped on mercilessly.“ — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda, the man who understood Dazai more than anyone else could at the time, even specifically stated that the pain in Dazai’s heart must be forcefully dragged out, because he knew that this would ultimately be the most beneficial for Dazai’s sanity.

Throughout No Longer Human, Yozo is often misunderstood by others, or other people simply don’t care about him.

When Dazai goes to visit Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, Atsushi finds him and assumes that he’s visiting the grave of someone important to him, as an act of respect or remembrance, something of the sort. However, Dazai makes the automatic assumption that his “clownish words of deceit” (as stated by Yozo) will always be prioritized over the truth, which is why he chooses to brush off his actions as a joke. 

Although I made the point earlier that the agency members don’t give Dazai opportunities to open up about himself, Atsushi is notably different, similarly to Oda, because he’s able to take Dazai seriously and persist even through his antics. 

Atsushi takes Dazai’s act of visiting a grave seriously, even when Dazai plays it off, because he knows Dazai is a person just like anyone else. This understanding between them leads to Dazai telling Atsushi about Oda, thereby allowing Dazai to divulge a crucial part of his past.

Dazai and Yozo’s Friendships

Similarly to Yozo, Dazai’s attempt at “disentangling” himself from these relationships only serves to wear him out in the end. However, they also slightly differ in a way: Yozo is unable to form any friendships for his whole life, but Dazai had Oda. I would argue that Oda was Dazai’s only friend, mostly because of this quote:

“Odasaku understood him far beyond what Dazai had ever thought. He had already reached close to his heart, the place near the center of his heart. Before this, Dazai had never noticed there was someone who understood him so well. For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted to know something from the depths of his heart.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda was special to Dazai because Oda was able to understand him — maybe even more than Dazai could understand himself — which is why Oda is the only person that Dazai asks for advice from. 

However, Dazai does the same thing as Yozo when he “plays the clown” as a form of self-protection from such valuable friendships. (which is probably preventing him from becoming closer to the rest of the agency).

“Things that we don’t want to lose will definitely be lost. Now that it has come to this, I have no more feelings anymore. Things worth pursuing will always disappear the moment before you get them. Nothing is worth prolonging a painful life to pursue.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Interestingly enough, Dazai says this when Ango is revealed to be a spy — before Oda dies. If Dazai was in this state of distress from Ango’s betrayal, you could only imagine how devastating Oda’s death was. 

Dazai speaks as if he’s speaking from experience, which suggests that he’s faced a similar loss in the past. Despite this implied experience, he still became friends with Oda (and Ango to an extent), fully knowing that it would only bring him pain in the end. Dazai's statement here acts more as a front that makes him sound cold and detached from the situation, only to hide how he truly feels about losing one of his only friends. 

To give some context to this passage, Yozo’s partner, Yoshiko, had been sexually assaulted by a coworker, of which Yozo attributes the cause to her overly trusting nature. Thus, this leads to Yozo’s belief that trustfulness is inherently wrong or creates weakness.

Dazai’s hesitance to form friendships most likely stems from this same inability to trust others like Yozo, but Dazai does trust a few people, namely Chuuya, Oda, and Atsushi.

With Chuuya, there’s a different type of trust between him and Dazai. Their impeccable trust is obviously a key factor in their partnership as SKK, but there’s a certain limit with this trust. They certainly trust each other in battle, but I’d argue that this trust doesn’t extend to their personal business. 

As of now, we don’t know a lot about how SKK interacted with each other during their time in the mafia (which could change with the new LN), but I doubt PM Dazai would feel comfortable with confiding in Chuuya with anything because they (kind of) hated each other. The level of trust required for a friendship would involve a mutual understanding between two people, but Chuuya and Dazai haven’t necessarily shown us that they were able to do that.

Dazai essentially broke his trust with Chuuya by leaving the mafia on a whim, but he also intentionally antagonized himself to try to make Chuuya hate him.

This scene also has comedic overtones, but it suggests something a bit sadder about Dazai. There are possibly two motivations as to why Dazai chose to do this: (or a mix of the two)

1. Dazai didn’t want Chuuya to be incriminated as his accomplice when he became an enemy of the mafia.

2. Dazai wanted to push Chuuya away because Oda — Dazai’s most trusted friend — had just died. As a form of self-protection, Dazai broke whatever semblance of friendship he shared with Chuuya in order to prevent the same pain that came with Oda’s death. 

It’s also important to consider that trust is a 2-way street; both parties have to have the same level of trust in each other. Just like Yozo, if Dazai is unable to trust anyone, then he may have cut Chuuya off to protect him (since Chuuya may have trusted Dazai more than Dazai was able to reciprocate).

In contrast, Oda and Dazai have a level of unspoken trust that basically motivates Dazai to change his entire life. 

“Odasaku’s eyes radiate with conviction. The words are clearly said with some sort of strong basis. Is it past experience? Or perhaps someone’s suggestion? — He is trying to show Dazai the path he once walked. Dazai understands this. Dazai can trust it.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Returning to Yozo’s question — “Is trustfulness a sin?” — Dazai answers it by showing us the strength of trust in this moment. Trust insinuates blind faith in another person, the willingness to believe someone else without logical reasoning, which makes it all the more important when PM Dazai — the genius prodigy who operates on a solely logical basis — is able to trust Oda and change his path in life. 

Atsushi is most likely the one that Dazai trusts the most in the agency, due to the aforementioned issues with the other members. However, it seems more like a budding trust that’s growing to become like Oda and Dazai, but it still requires Dazai to take that step forward to further their trust. 

Dazai and Yozo’s View of the World

In this scene, Yozo had made a decision for immediate gratification, but that choice caused him insufferable pain afterwards — supporting his belief that the world was a “place of bottomless horror.”

This parallels two of Dazai’s statements: one from Dark Era and one from Dead Apple.

“Please, take me with you. Wake me up from this rotten world of a dream. Come on, come on, come on!” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

(Dazai wasn’t talking about himself here, but the allusion sets up a situation where he can talk about himself indirectly — I talk about it more in my other post here)

We don’t really get a reason for why Dazai is suicidal, but from this we can infer that it’s something more complex than he makes it out to be — something like an issue deeply rooted within the world, with no easy solution. 

One could guess that this was the result of an unfortunate decision (like Yozo), or the realization that the world was simply a terrible place (possibly because no one cared for him as a kid and he had Mori as a “parental” figure instead).

Yozo expresses his lack of understanding in the compassion of human nature, but Dazai (as we know) seems to understand other people perfectly, as least enough to manipulate them.

However, this forms somewhat of a paradox: Dazai understands people so well to the point that he can’t understand them.

Dazai understands every flawed aspect of a human being — the tendency to manipulate, lie, kill, etc. — most likely because of his past as a young child. “Human beings never did teach” him the hopeful aspect of human nature  — the ability to love and cherish others.

Shibusawa in Dead Apple reflects this mindset, but take note of what Dazai says: “You wouldn’t be saying that if you actually had friends” — clearly a reflection of Dazai’s personal experience, by knowing how important friends are.

Yozo’s deathly fear of society tames itself when he comes to the realization that society is really just made up of a bunch of individuals working for their individual benefit, so he has no reason to fear society as a whole.

I don’t believe Dazai has this same fear of society, but he does reflect this individualistic mindset in the way he acts. Often enough, Dazai doesn’t tell anyone about his plans and would rather manipulate people into following such plans, even when it would be easier to cooperate. He always takes care of conflicts by himself, and by his standard.

Yozo’s fear of society possibly manifested into Dazai’s ostracization from society. More speculation here, but → My guess is that Dazai was alienated not only as a genius isolated for his intelligence, but also for his ability. There seems to be some division between regular society and ability-users’ society, but I can see Dazai being rejected by both because he’s the antithesis to all abilities. 

Regular society would either shun him like other users or attempt to exploit him for their personal gain (possibly for his intelligence AND his ability), or ability-users would see him as a threat and/or menace to their safety.

When Yozo considers a double suicide with his partner, he comes to this unsure conclusion of whether or not he actually wants to go through with it.

This reflects what Oda believes about Dazai:

“I thought you and Dazai were very similar, unable to see the value of your life, hoping for death, hence jumping into a world of violence and fighting. But that’s not the case. That guy is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

At the end of the story, Gide and Oda are different from Dazai because they face an inevitable hopelessness. However, Dazai has a small spark of hope to live on that persists beyond the other two. 

This is represented in Dazai’s own statement to Oda, when Oda is set on walking to his death: “Go and rely on something, hope for something good to happen next, that something will definitely happen.” 

If anything, this sounds more like a plea to himself than to Oda, but it establishes an important point: hope is built upon the assumption that the future will treat your present desires well. Vice versa, hopelessness is built upon the expectation that the future will neglect your present desires.

It’s a bit wordy, so I’ll elaborate on. Right after Dazai says this line, they proceed to talk about their desires → Dazai wants to find a reason to live, so he joined the mafia; Oda wanted to become a novelist, so he didn’t kill anyone. 

Now, the difference between hope and hopelessness:

Oda feels hopeless because he expects that his present desire (to become a novelist) won’t be fulfilled in the future. By losing the one qualification that he felt he had to follow (not killing anyone), he no longer believes that he can become a novelist.

Dazai has hope because he assumes that his present desire (to find a reason to live) will be fulfilled in the future. He doesn’t know that for sure, but he persists onwards regardless of having full assurance or not. 

Dazai’s hope and trust in Oda brings him to where he is in the present, and takes him one step closer towards discovering his reason to live. 

[wrenhyperfixates]

How the God Stole Christmas

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: Loki despises Christmas, and after watching the Grinch, he decides there’s only one thing to do about it. But you just might melt his cold heart. Warnings: zip, zilch, zero A/N:  So this is my little spoof of the original and best Grinch, starring Loki. Hope you all enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant​​ @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​ @thelokiimaginechroniclesficrecs​ @gaitwae​ @whatafuckingdumbass​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine 

Red and green everywhere, the same songs playing in every single store, silly little decorations in every nook and cranny. Yup, it was official. Loki hated Christmas. He couldn’t even place his finger on why, exactly; he just did. So, naturally, this was his least favorite time of year. Sadly, none of his teammates seemed to share that sentiment.

Loki walked into the common room only to hear the same carol that was playing in the last shop he’d visited. He gritted his teeth against the sound of his brother signing along. The Tower was just as heavily decorated as the rest of the city. If there was a Christmas-field version of something, you could bet one of the Avengers had bought it. And if they hadn’t, it was just a matter of time.

At least the sweets constantly being baked weren’t entirely despicable. Though, admittedly, even his notorious sweet tooth was getting a little sick of them. Right now, he could smell the aroma of gingerbread wafting from the oven. It made him consider skipping the cup of tea he was currently on his way to get, but he knew he needed it if he had any chance of calming down. He was glad he’d decided to go to the kitchen after all when he saw you were the one baking, flour smeared on your apron and face in an adorable mess.

The poor God of Mischief was still rather isolated from everyone else. He was trying, but by the time any of the Avengers had gotten over his past wrongdoings, he was sour towards all of them. It was hard to want to be friends with people who spent the first six months of his living in the Tower scorning him. It was also hard to call a place like that home. There had been one shining beacon of beautiful light during those early days: you.

“Hello, darling,” he greeted, heating up the water for his cup. “Those cookies smell divine.”

“Oh! Hi Loki,” you exclaimed, turning around, not having heard him enter. “And thanks. Do you want to help us decorate?”

“That depends on who exactly ‘us’ is.”

“The whole team.” He made a small hum of acknowledgement and blew on his scalding drink. You frowned a little, knowing full well that he distanced himself because of how they used to treat him. But you also knew they wanted to change things, they just weren’t entirely sure how. “It could be a great bonding opportunity. Plus, I’ll be there, obviously, but so will Peter and Bucky. Doesn’t it sound fun?”

Besides you, the trickster god found some companionship in the two aforementioned Avengers. They’d come after Loki had, and Peter’s endless optimism had won him over. As for Bucky, he had gone through much the same that Loki had, their common pasts bonding them quickly. Unfortunately, all his friends loved this despicable holiday.

“Perhaps another time,” he finally replied. “Next year.”

“Ok,” you sighed. “You’ll at least watch movies with us tonight, right?”

“I do not know. Perhaps it would be better if I did not.”

“Please,” you pouted. “Come on, it’s Christmas Eve. I’ll even save a special cookie for you.”

“Your persistence is as relentless as it is adorable,” he laughed. “I will come, but just for a movie or two. Deal?”

“Deal!” you squealed. “You won’t regret it. Oh! And, Loki, come here.”

You wrapped your arms around him, holding him in a tight embrace. It surprised him, to say the least. He still wasn’t entirely used to such signs of affection, but they were welcome, especially from you. However, he never was quite sure how to respond. After a second, he somewhat awkwardly wrapped his arms around you to return the hug.

“What was that for?” he questioned as you pulled back.

“You just seemed like you needed one,” you shrugged.

The joy that that gave him lasted all the way into the evening when it was time for him to join you for a movie, as promised. He’d put it off as long as he could, even considering just skipping and saying he’d fallen asleep. That would upset you, though, and you were the one person he hated to lie to. So, he made his way to the common room where a new movie was just starting. You scooted over a little on the couch so he could squeeze in between you and Peter. Bucky was sitting on the floor close by, and Loki had no doubt you’d specifically requested they be in those positions so he felt more comfortable. He was greeted with a few polite—dare he say, borderline friendly—nods and waves from a few of his other teammates. And, of course, an overly enthusiastic pat on the back from his brother as he passed.

“Loki! Glad you could make it,” you whispered as he plopped down next to you.

“Well, a deal is a deal, darling.”

“That reminds me, here’s your cookie.”

The little gingerbread man you handed him was decorated to look like him in his Asgardian battle armor. It was a wonderful likeness, all things considered. He smiled as he took a bite of the baked good. He tried to let go of all hate for the season as he relished this moment with you, but it was still lingering there.

“It is delicious, thank you.”

“No problem. I’m glad you liked it.”

You quieted down as the movie began and the opening credits played. Loki was already losing interest, and then the title appeared. How the Grinch Stole Christmas. A most intriguing title, he mused. Now that his interest was peaked, he watched with rapt attention as the animated film began. That grumpy, green fellow was possibly the best protagonist in any movie he’d been made to watch yet. He certainly had the right idea about Christmas. And those tiny little voices would have annoyed Loki to no end. It really was no different than what he was going through now, he realized. He thought it rather rude to call the Grinch “mean” though. It seemed to Loki he was just misunderstood.  

As he watched the Grinch load up all the wreathes and toys into his sleigh, Loki was struck with an idea. Why should he not be able to do the same thing? Ok, maybe he couldn’t get away with stealing from the whole city, but what about the Tower? It was his home, too, and no one had asked him how he felt about all this stuff.

Now that he had a master plan blossoming in his head, he didn’t much care to see the end of the movie. He’d gotten everything he needed out of it. So, he went up to get a refill on his drink. By the time he go back, it was over.

“You missed the ending,” Peter said. “Do you want us to go back?”

“No, it is fine. I thought it was perfect just the way it was.”

“But all you saw was him stealing Christmas?”

“Exactly.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No. In fact, I could use your help.”

Before Peter could ask with what, everyone was getting up and leaving the room, ready to call it a night. You fretted over the fact that he’d only gotten to see one movie, but he assured you it was alright. The matter wasn’t dropped until he promised to watch at least one more tomorrow, too. It didn’t make much difference to him though, considering that after he was through with the Tower, he was sure no one would be much in the mood for Christmas movies, anyway.

“You’re planning something,” Bucky said before exiting.

“Maybe. Are you looking to assist?”

“Probably not. But good luck.”

“Fair enough. Goodnight.”

“Yeah, goodnight, Loki,” Peter said as he tried to hurry off after Bucky.

“Spiderling, may I enlist your help?” Loki asked.

“I, uh, yeah, I guess. What are friends for?”

“Excellent!” Loki exclaimed as the rest of the Avengers finished filing out.

The more he explained the plan, the more nervous Peter became. It did give Loki a bit of a pause, but oh, it sounded like great fun! For weeks on end now, he’d been suffering through this horrid season. It was just a little payback to the universe. That was fair, right? Maybe, but it was not fair to force his friend to help him.

“Listen, spiderling, if you do not wish to help, you do not have to,” Loki said.

“This is going to make you happy, right? Like, is this going to make your Christmas?”

“Quite honestly, I think it will.”

Peter considered for a moment, weighing the pros and cons of this situation. “Ok, I’ll help. On one condition. We leave everyone’s rooms as they are. We’ll just clean out the common areas.”

“That is quite reasonable. Thank you, spiderling.”

The duo got to work, stuffing all the little decorations in their sacks. Peter insisted that if they were going to do this, they had to do it right, and fetched a reindeer antler headband for himself and a Santa hat for Loki. While it was on the one hand entirely ridiculous, it did give Loki a bit of a laugh at the implication of it. Him as the Grinch and Peter as Max, his reluctant but loyal ally. The thought made him smile a little.

Everything was going great until they got to the first of the many large trees in the Tower. Loki stood there with a cocked head, tapping his chin. Sure, he could try to do it like the Grinch had, but life wasn’t a cartoon. So, no, that would pose more of a problem than a solution. Besides, Loki had something the Grinch didn’t. Magic. Carefully working his seiðr, the god shrunk down the first pine, ornaments and all, and put it in one of the bags.

A little while later, he was getting ready to do the same thing to one of the last remaining trees. Then you came stumbling out into the room. Peter did a little panicked dance before slinging a web and sticking himself to the ceiling. Loki walked up to you and laid his hands on your shoulder, trying to determine how conscious you actually were.

“Loki?” you asked, rubbing your eyes, your voice a little slurred from sleep. “What’re you doing? Where’re all the decorations?”

“You tell me. It is your dream,” he quickly lied.

“My dream,” you parroted spotting the filled sack on the ground near his feet “So is this because we watched the Grinch? Does that make me Cindy Lou Who?”

“I suppose it does, darling,” he laughed. “Why don’t you go back to bed?”

“Are you going to put everything thing back, Loki Claus?”

This time the chuckle came from Peter, who was watching the whole thing play out from his vantage point. You were too out of it to notice, though. Instead, you kept looking at Loki with those adorable doe eyes.

“I... Perhaps. Let us just get you back to your room right now, ok?”

You nodded, and he picked up your tired body, using his godly strength to carry you bridal style and lay you down amongst your many blankets and pillows. You gently tugged him down onto the mattress with you, and he remained there for a moment, not exactly sure of what was happening.

“Do you need to talk?” you questioned, cupping his cheeks and seeming a bit more awake than you a had a second ago. “I know things are hard, but we all do really care for you. I really care for you. And I’m here for you. You know that, right?”

“I know. I will be alright, darling. Just get a good night’s sleep for me, hmm?”

“Ok,” you sighed as he got up. “Night, Loki.”

“Goodnight, darling,” he whispered as he leaned over to give your head a small kiss.

He walked back out to his partner in crime, who was anxiously awaiting him. Loki let out a huff. He knew what the right thing to do now was.

“So?” Peter asked.

“Let’s put it all back,” Loki conceded.

And so they did. It took most of the night, but they got every last knickknack and ornament into place. Then Loki did something he never imagined he would; he added even more. His magic made the garlands a little bit fuller, the lights a little bit brighter, and the trees a little bit taller. More little statues and winter scenes appeared on nearly every surface possible. Finally, he nearly doubled the number of gifts under the tree, adding his own to the mix. He gave a satisfied little nod when he was done, then looked at Peter who was beaming at him.

“What is it?” Loki inquired, though he knew the answer deep down.

“Oh, nothing. This was fun, though. We should do this every year,” Peter yawned as they worked their way to their rooms to catch a couple hours of sleep.

“Maybe we will, spiderling. Maybe we will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki woke up the next morning slightly more cheerful than he had in months. Ironic, considering today was actually Christmas, the culmination of the season he hated so much. Swinging his legs over the side of his bed and stretching out, Loki realized maybe he really was like the Grinch, and the only reason he disliked it so much was because he was so alone. And, like the Grinch, maybe he wasn’t appreciating those he did have enough. Maybe it was time to come out of his mountain cave and live amongst the people in town.

He eyed his Santa hat from last night, hanging from a bedpost. He picked it up and put it on his head, laughing a little in the mirror. He tugged on a deep green cable-knit sweater before he remembered the rest of the team’s plan to wear ugly sweaters today. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him exactly, but he conjured one up for himself. It was a little ridiculous, but he supposed that was the whole point.

Heading out into the hall, he realized everything was dead silent. Loki wondered for a second if maybe you all had decided to go out for breakfast this morning. He sighed, but he couldn’t really hold it against any of you if you hadn’t invited him. He never said yes on a normal day, and he’d made it a point just how much he disliked Christmas. Regardless, he made his way to the kitchen.

“Merry Christmas!”

He nearly pulled out a dagger as everyone suddenly jumped out in front of him and shouted those words. Once his heart rate slowed back down to normal, he smiled despite himself. That’s when he noticed plates piled high with his favorite foods and realized you’d all must have gotten up early to do this for him.

“Merry Christmas, everyone. What is all this?”

“We just wanted to do something for you, Loki,” you explained. “Oh! And we got you a gift. Here.”

You handed him a small package wrapped in green and gold. It must have been convenient that his colors were also colors for the holiday. He laughed a little to himself, wondering how he hadn’t noticed before. He tore into the wrapping paper to find a small planner. You nodded at him, urging him on as he gave you a quizzical look. It had a bunch of events written in it, as well as which members of the team were attending.

“See, we know you don’t always come to our team events,” Bucky told him, “but we know you might want to start.”

“We have not always been the most... accepting,” Thor added. “Now, though, we want you to be able to come to any and everything you want to.”

“So we wrote it all down for you,” Peter finished. “This way, you know when things are and can just join whenever you feel like it.”

“Do you like it?” you nervously asked, biting your lip.

“Darling, it’s perfect,” he sincerely told you, tears of gratitude welling in his eyes. “Thank you. All of you.”

He was met with a chorus of “you’re welcomes” and “anytimes” as the room was filled with even more smiles. Soon, everyone dug into the feast that had been prepared, and the rest of the day was filled with merriment and laughter. Loki was surprised to see there were even more gifts for him resting under the tree. By the time it was dark out, the team was settling in to watch a few final Christmas movies for the season. Loki didn’t think he’d be taking any ideas from them tonight.

“Darling,” he said as the two of you were alone, grabbing movie snacks in the kitchen. “May I ask you why you all did what you did for me?”

“It’s like we said, Loki. We all do care about you, and we want you to be able to do stuff with us. They know you’re not a bad guy, you’ve more than proven that. For a long time they just weren’t exactly sure how to bridge the gap. But you’re a part of the team, and we want you to feel like it.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“It’s no problem, Loki. Plus, you really did go all out with these extra decorations.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he blushed.

“Oh?” you said, walking up to him so that you bodies were nearly pressed together. “You don’t now, huh Loki Claus?”

Of course you hadn’t bought his lie last night. He laughed a little to himself now for thinking you had. But Loki realized something else, too. What you’d done last night, what you’d said, you’d fully known what you were doing. The way you’d pulled him onto the bed and held his face, told him how you cared. You knew it was real.

“Darling,” he said. “I think I do need to talk, after all.”

“I’m listening. What is it?”

“I love you.”

You pulled him in for a kiss, and he reciprocated immediately, smiling against your lips. Now he was wondering if he was dreaming. But no, just like last night, this was real.

“In case it wasn’t obvious,” you said, catching your breath, “I love you too.”

Hand in hand, you went to join the rest of the team. So maybe Loki’s heart didn’t literally grow three sizes that day, but there was one more comparison to be drawn. Because, you see, in finding his place, Loki realized that Christmas wasn’t so bad after all.

[dreamerhideout]

enhypen genshin impact!au hcs

characters: enhypen

word count: ~200 words each

warnings: mentions of alcohol for jay’s part, lore inaccuracies (i haven’t caught up on dragonspine event lore yet), spoilers for mondstadt + liyue main quest

a/n: i’m supposed to be working on something else but this brainrot got to me first... anyways, i’m assigning their visions + weapons based off a few fan theories i’ve read~ please enjoy my word dump! :D

more under the cut!

jungwon

okay so we’re starting off with our leader! hmm... i’d say that he has a geo vision

why? idk, i’m half sure it’s based off how calm and composed he is; i do kinda think jungwon is a picture of maturity and elegance (he literally has to take care of six children wdym)

it was kinda hard for me to choose a weapon because i kept going back-and-forth from sword to polearm, but my final pick for him would be polearm

yes this would mean that he is zhongli

a polearm would probably suit him because i see him as the kind to want some kind of control over his weapon (not saying he can’t control a sword). at the same time i feel like he’d want something lightweight which won’t bring him down

i think he’d work with the knights of favonius. working with the liyue qixing could also work for him, but considering the tension between the adepti and the qixing + the social climate of liyue makes me think that he’d want somewhere more calm

acting grandmaster jungwon? i’m down for it

spends time near the mondstadt church; he likes the peace and quiet of it

heeseung

from the get-go i knew he’d have a hydro vision

this one theory i’ve read says that hydro vision users have a strong sense of morality and justice (i guess i also interpreted it as balance) and heeseung seems like the kind of person who does

for weapon, i think he’d prefer to use a sword. we see that he’s good in a lot of areas when it comes to being an idol, so he’d perhaps want that versatility in the weapon he uses as well

hello xingqiu (wait i kinda think this fits)

i don’t see him particularly associating himself to any organization, so i think he’d simply be a wanderer. he goes from country to country as a vagabond, battling monsters along the way in order to perfect his skills

at the same time, i also see him making a lot of friends and having a bunch of connections from just about any corner of the land (more to acquaintances i suppose? heeseung doesn’t seem like the kind to let people in very quickly)

is probably very curious on elemental reactions and might be studious in a way; he would want to learn alchemy

likes stopping by mondstadt’s library when he needs to look up on something. probably keeps in contact with alchemists too

jay

oh man this is going to probably be very stereotypical

pyro vision, hands down. i was considering an electro vision for him at first but the amount of passion he has in doing the things he loves (primarily hip-hop) screams pyro to me

he would also have a claymore because let’s be real, he’d want something to get the job done quick; claymores are literally the weapon that causes the most damage

yeah he’d be diluc. or xinyan. whatever your pick is

bonks monsters for fun, fight me on this

association... i think he’d be a part of the adventurer’s guild. he strikes me as the kind of person who’d want some kind of reward for something he does for fun (in this case, mora. and a bunch of other items you can get from katheryne once you complete your daily commissions)

this is probably how he meets all his friends. if he wasn’t a part of any association, i don’t think he’d have many (not saying that he’s unable to make friends, he’d choose not to unless necessary)

strives to be a well-known adventurer, probably takes up more commissions than the average one

likes spending time in places with good ambience, food, and booze. probably is a regular at angel’s share and liyue’s street food stalls on days he comes to town

jake

i think he’d have an electro vision. it’s something about the way he fiercely cares for other people that makes me think that this suits him best

okay hear me out but i think he’d be amazing with a bow and arrow. he seems to have the tenacity and upper body strength for it, and i don’t think he’d particularly want something that could do a quick kill, like a sword or claymore per se

uhh... yeah he’d be fischl, i suppose. idk this realization was a bit weird to me but it doesn’t seem so far off from happening

sometimes uses his skills to shoot at fruit from trees; it’s a pretty good party trick

association-wise i don’t think he’d wanna join any, tbh. he’d be an “everyone’s friend” kinda guy. unlike heeseung who’d have acquaintances from all around, jake would generally want to befriend different kinds of people (helps around wangshu inn sometimes because of this)

still though, i think he hangs with members of the adventurer’s guild a lot

don’t be surprised if you catch him befriending a member of the fatui-

i also see him really immersing himself in the culture of each country he visits

he’s the guy who pets all the animals, especially the dogs

also seems like the kind to purchase or collect raw meat just to give to the stray animals he meets on his travels

sunghoon

oh boy am i excited for this one

okay so i know this is stereotypical but... cryo vision. honestly, having a geo vision would also be possible but remember that one time childe said something around the lines of the goddess of cryo having such a warm heart and she loved so much to the point it froze? yeah i think i’m basing him off the tsaritsa-

weapon would be a sword. i considered choosing a polearm for him but i think he’d want something slightly heavier that would get the job done, but not necessarily a claymore. do i think he has the capacity to use a claymore if he wanted to, though? sure why not

hello kaeya (or qiqi, if you’d wish)

okay okay this is where it gets fun... imagine sunghoon as a member of the fatui

mmm villain!sunghoon we love to see it

he’d honestly probably be on the road to becoming a harbinger? like, we see how he works very hard at ice skating and idol training, who’s to say that he won’t climb up the ranks real quick?

yes jakehoon brotp agenda is still on so they would be friends (though honestly their friendship is kinda uncanny)

when i thought of stuff to write for him i kinda think that he’d like liyue a lot; the tradition and order feel like home to him. this also fits lore because there’s more fatui appearances in liyue compared to mondstadt

also seems like the kind to wander around the city when things start to calm down for the day; if he’s not being tasked on a mission, he sometimes likes to head out to huaguang stone forest

sunoo

sunshine baby

okay i think he’d have an anemo vision (and this is not because he reminds me of venti). there was another theory that said that anemo vision-holders are hard workers who sometimes don’t give themselves enough rest, and sunoo seems to make the cut. he’s crazy hardworking at things he know he’s lacking at and strives to improve

i think he’d have a catalyst (yes!! we need male catalyst characters!!); i can see him absolutely fascinated by the way catalysts work like... “there’s no solid object engineering the attacks so... what is that? it seems so cool!” 

so yeah he’d be sucrose, hello

i also think he’d want to be a part of the adventurer’s guild! it keeps him busy plus he likes helping people :D

would then be introduced to jay (and possibly jake) when he’s assigned to do a commission with him. honestly he’d prefer doing commissions with others rather than doing them alone

has a hard time killing monsters because he finds them cute (especially slimes). i think he’d also empathize with hilichurls to a degree

i see him residing in mondstadt most of the time; he’d also like talking to the locals a lot (has a high rep because of this)

loves trying out local cuisine, some of his favorite dishes include sweet madame and zhongyuan chop suey!

ni-ki

oh i’m also kinda excited for his too

so i initially thought he’d have a pyro vision, but after some time i figured he’d have an electro vision instead. i think it’s this weird sentiment i feel that he’d protect his passions with his life (in this case, dancing; he’s literally inseparable from it), so there’s that

totally looks like the kind to have a polearm. he definitely would want something lightweight that he could lowkey flex with

sadly he doesn’t have a genshin character twin yet :(

would also not have any affiliation whatsoever; he just traverses the land like the free spirit he is

occasionally would tag along with some adventurer’s guild members, but doesn’t like the idea of people telling him what to do; he creates his own adventures instead

am i the only one here who thinks that he’d honestly run really fast here (hehe speedy boi)

he’d love dashing through mondstadt’s plains (particularly springvale), sometimes slashing monsters left and right (he likes liyue’s scenery but the terrain is way too mountainous for him)

one thing he does like about liyue though is playing with the kids in the harbor. he’d get them toys with the extra mora he receives when helping people (big brother ni-ki agenda hmm)

[lu-undy]

Valentine’s Week Day 1

Hello Ladies and Folks,

I am participating in the Valentine’s week event held by @dontneedadispenser !

This is Day 1 and amongst the suggested themes Beginning/Ending/Family, I did not choose Family. Here is the link for it on AO3 or I copy-pasted it here under the cut, enjoy!

There was a knock at the door with the knife symbol. 

Dinner was done with and Sniper had taken his time washing the dishes. Oddly enough, Spy didn't stay with him in the kitchen to help. Mundy knew that the Frenchman was sometimes just a bit tired of everyone's chattering at the dinner table. 

"Huh?" Sniper frowned. His knocks received no answer. He knocked again. 

"Come in." 

Mundy pushed the door and entered. 

"Hey, darl'! Sorry for the wait, loads of dishes tonight and I kept daydreamin' away." Mundy removed his sleeveless jacket and put it on the coat hanger without thinking about it. He looked over to the sofa. Lucien was standing up, pacing the room in front of the fireplace. Mundy went on. "Well, to be honest, I was uh… I was thinkin' of you. Couldn’t wait to see you."

Mundy took a seat on the sofa but Lucien kept on walking left, right, left, right. 

"Love?"

The Frenchman stopped pacing the room and sighed. That's when Mundy noticed the overfilled ashtray on the coffee table and the bottle of wine of a non French château. That, in Lucien's language, was bad news. Mundy's eyes shot back up to his lover. He was maskless, the first few buttons of his shirt were open and he had rolled his sleeves up. He was smoking what looked like his billionth cigarette. 

"Somethin's wrong?" Mundy stood up and went to his lover. "Hey, Lu'?" He went to wrap his arms around the man who looked so handsome, even if his hair was ruffled and his brow furrowed. But Lucien pushed him back and took a step away from him. "Lucien?" 

Mundy's heart sank to his feet. He was used to Lucien having his moments of distress, of doubt, of frustration, especially when he thought back about his past days, or as he called it, his past life. But never before had he rejected Mundy's affection. On the contrary, Lucien always welcomed it warmly as he knew that it was in fact all he needed.

"Lu'...?" Mundy stayed there, his arms open for a hug that he never received. Lucien was giving him his back. "What is it? Did I do somethin'?"

"Non." Was the first word that the Frenchman finally uttered.

"What is it, then? Tell me." 

Lucien sighed and walking past Mundy, he crushed his cigarette butt in the ashtray on the coffee table.

"Take a seat, Sniper." 

Mundy's eyebrows jumped. Lucien never called him "Sniper" in private… He would at least use his name, if not a "mon amour" or another pet name. Mundy nonetheless obeyed while his eyes never left his lover. Lucien carded his hair back, still standing in front of the dancing flames of the fireplace. He took a deep breath and sighed.

"I… Think that the arrangement we have been having for months now should come to an end." 

Mundy's eyebrows jumped. 

"W-what? The arrangement?" The Aussie was not only distraught but almost disturbed by how cold-blooded the word was. Arrangement. They hadn’t signed a contract or anything, it just.... It just happened! 

Lucien turned and his ice blue eyes met with Sniper. Mundy's heart had stopped.

"I am sorry as this must come as a surprise to you. But I have thought it through, again and again. You see," Lucien started pacing the room again in front of a devastated Mundy. "At first it was only once here, once there. Physical needs, nothing personal. But it has grown into something that has now invaded my life." 

Lucien paused to take a deep breath. 

"I…" Mundy was speechless and utterly bewildered. "What…?" He was holding his tears back while Lucien walked back and forth in front of him, with his gloved hands in his pockets and his eyes glued to the ground. 

"Now, you have crossed a dangerous line, Sniper, the line of sentimentality. You hold feelings in your heart for me. Non, do not try to argue, I can see it in your eyes and in your body language. Long gone are the days in which you would wait for me to open the door for you, long gone are the days where I had to put your vest on the coat hanger for you. You now walk in this suite with baffling familiarity." 

"I'm sorry… Spook, please…?" 

"Non." Lucien stopped sharp and looked Mundy in the eye. "No more 'Spook'. And pray let me finish." 

Mundy put a hand on his mouth. His heart had either stopped completely or was about to burst out of his chest. His legs were unresponsive and his fingers trembled on their own. 

"You see, this arrangement could only last so long, here, in the middle of this base, both of us working to test weapons for a hat making company. None of this makes sense, but of course, neither do you or I. You, the solitary hunter, an exceptional sharpshooter; and me, the man of a million secrets whose very face remains one for most."

Lucien paused and went to take a seat on the armchair. Mundy's eyes stayed riveted on where he was standing. His heart was broken to smithereens. After all that time, after those battles, after all those evenings of silly drinking, all those getaways in the van, on the weekends, all those outings to town, the meals, the movies…?

"W-why? I… I understand you want more space, it's ok, I can give you that, I won't come here unless you ask if that's better, Spook, but please don’t destroy everything." He pleaded.

"Non. You do not understand." 

Lucien stood up again and walked around the sofa. 

"You do not understand." He headed to his bedroom and emerged again. Mundy was now standing up. He had removed his glasses and his hat. 

"You do not understand that I am tired of your knocks on my door."

"I do understand! And now what? You're leavin' me! After all we did and all! You're just… You just spent ages here telling me that I'm just invading your space, well, if that's the problem then I can see you less often, I'm sorry! I didn't know you didn't like it as much as I do!" Mundy answered. His heartbreak had turned to anger and frustration. 

"On that you are right, I do not enjoy your visits as much as you do." 

Mundy's jaw dropped but he quickly clenched it and frowned furiously. 

"Well then I won't come here again! Just… Just come to the van whenever you fancy!"

"Non. That will not be necessary." Lucien answered, still as cold-blooded as ever. 

"Doesn't it do anythin' to you?!" Mundy exclaimed. "Any bloody thing?"

"What?" 

"For fuck's sakes, we've been together for months now and out of the blue you snap at me and break up, and you expect me to just say ok and walk away?! I thought we were honest enough to understand each other! I thought…! Bloody hell!" Mundy punched the wall and clenched his jaw harder. The pain felt good, it poured cold water on his boiling nerves. "Why didn't you say anythin earlier? How the hell did you just turn like that? I mean… I don't get it…! I thought we were doin' very well and…ugh." Mundy covered his eyes with his sleeve to wipe the tears and hide his face. He turned his back to Lucien. 

"Sniper?"

He didn't answer. 

“I apologise for the suddenness of this. I understand that it does come as a surprise. I do admit it is rather impulsive of me.”

“Rather impulsive?! Rather imp - Mate!” Mundy snapped. “You’re telling me you just woke up this morning and thought ‘Oh yeah, let’s dump him!’ Is that what happened? Bloody hell! I was so wrong about you! I thought…!”

“What?”

“Well if Scout had reacted that way, yeah, right, I guess he’s young and he is how he is, but you? You? You’re… You’re much more mature, you’re more calm, you think before you do stuff, right? You don’t just wake up with an impulse and act on it!” Mundy’s shoulders sank as he sighed. “Guess I was wrong about that… Guess I was wrong about everything… Fuck me…”

“Sniper?”

“No! Stop! It’s… It’s horrible. It’s just horrible.” Mundy looked up at Lucien. “And you smile? You bloody smile at me? Was that the plan all along? Get me in your bed a few nights, toy with me and throw me out? Oh you bloody…” Mundy clenched his fist and threw it at Lucien’s face. The Frenchman dodged it with ease.

"Mundy?" Lucien asked with a high-pitched voice and a smug grin on his lips.

Mundy's eyes snapped open and he turned to Lucien.

"Shut up!” He threw another fist but it met with Lucien’s shadow on the wall.

“Mundy, you don’t understand!”

“Of course I bloody do! You used me!” The Aussie leapt to Lucien and this time he managed to catch his collar. 

“Mundy, wait-!”

“No!” He pushed Lucien on the floor and headbutted him, straddling his body. “You have no idea how much I love you! And you went around makin’ me believe you felt the same but you were just playin’, you bastard! You heartless piece of shit!” He yelled, his hoarse voice trying to strangle down the cries and sobs through the punches he dealt.

“Mundy! Stop!”

Lucien’s shout made the Aussie's fist freeze mid-way to his jaw. His breath broke out of sync and his tears streamed down his face silently. There he was, on his knees, straddling a body that he used to be straddled by, at night, when no other eyes would see its beauty. Yeah, Lucien was gorgeous. The bastard was gorgeous, a lean body with shy muscles that Mundy used to touch, sometimes even scratch. Lucien liked his feral Bushman. He used to love him, or maybe he didn’t, eh?

Regardless, Mundy was now silently crying. He wasn’t one to usually let it show. Now that he recalled, everytime that he had been dumped, he’d go back to his van, drive far away and let his rage out on cacti, boulders, and game. Maybe he should do that, hop away and leave for his van?

No, he couldn’t. He looked down and saw the collar he was grasping firmly, his knuckles were bruised from the punches. Oh, Lucien’s nose was bleeding too and his eyes. Gosh his eyes… Even injured, the man had the bloody arrogance to look irresistible.

“Mundy?” Lucien asked and put his hands on Mundy’s.

“Shut up, please.”

“Non, you don’t… You don’t understand.”

“Repeat that one last time and I’ll make you eat your bloody teeth, ok?” Mundy’s voice was trembling. He closed his eyes and more tears were pushed to roll down his slender and rough cheeks. “You’re right.” Mundy sniffed. “I did fall in love with you. Fuck me, I did.”

Lucien smiled.

“But you’re wrong. I didn’t just fall for you recently.” The Aussie went on. “I’ve been in love with you since day one. Bah, doesn’t matter now I s’ppose.” Mundy wiped his face with his sleeve.

“Attends.”

[Wait.]

Lucien slipped his fingers inside Mundy’s palm before his hand flopped to the floor limply.

“What’s that?” Mundy frowned and opened his palm. “What?!” He exclaimed when he saw a silver shining key with a knife symbol carved on it. “What’s that mean? Lu’? Oh bugger...”

Lucien’s eyes were shut. When he opened them again, he was greeted with the view of Mundy’s jaw from underneath. He was lying on the sofa and his head was resting on the Aussie’s lap.

“Mundy?”

“Oh, you up now? Sorry… I hit you hard.”

Lucien smiled and it was sweet.

“Give me your hand, please.” He asked and Mundy obliged. 

“What’s that all about? You‘re breakin’ up with me but giving me a key to your place and now you’re holding my hand. What does that mean?”

“It means that - and please do not punch me more for this - non, you don’t understand.”

“Alright then, explain yourself.”

“Mon amour… When I said that what we have been having should come to an end, I was not breaking up with you. On the contrary… Argh, help me please.” Lucien sat up and Mundy helped him. “I meant that I wanted to take things one step further, if you so wish too.”

“What?” Mundy’s jaw dropped.

“I never thought that you had fallen for me since the first time, because I did and it was simply out of any kind of understanding that you should feel the same for the old man that I am.”

“Wh…?”

"A few decades ago, oui, I would have believed it. Back then, I looked lovable, the sort of man who would make men and women's hearts break at the simple blink of my eyes. But now? Tss…" Lucien shook his head.

"Hey, now… Y-you're gorgeous, ok?"

Lucien looked up at Mundy and grinned, albeit sadly. 

"I would love to believe so." 

"C'mon… But yeah, tell me." 

Lucien sighed.

“Mundy," He looked the Aussie in the eye. "I love you.” 

The Aussie’s jaw dropped. It was the first time he heard it from those thin lips.

“I love the time that we spend together.” Lucien looked at his lover’s lagoon blue eyes.

“But you said my comin’ and goin’ here was annoying?”

“It is annoying that I have to tell you to come in each time. I want you to come here and consider this your home as much as mine, at least for the winter. You can’t stay in your van, you will freeze to death.” Lucien explained. “So please, take this key and… my heart, once and for all.” He tightened the grip on Mundy's hand. "Please?" 

"B-But… Hold on. All the things you said…?"

"You chose to understand them the wrong way." 

"But you said you didn't like it when I come here…?"

Lucien chuckled. 

"Non, I did not say that. I said that I did not appreciate your visits as much as you do." 

"Well, same difference!"

"Not at all." The Frenchman explained and put a hand on his lover's cheek. "Hasn't it occurred to you that I enjoy your visits more than you do, and not less?"

Mundy fell silent.

"Of course, it did not."

"You never told me. You never showed…!" Mundy answered, out of breath under the surprise. 

"And you expect me," Lucien leaned back on the sofa. "The best secret intelligence expert that you ever had the privilege of meeting, and dare I say, the man you have fallen in love with, to simply show you my emotions?" 

"Why not?" 

"I am the Spy." Lucien answered. "I do not show what I feel."

"Why not?" 

"Would you still love me if I did? Would you have taken the risk of falling for me, if you knew what was in my heart; if through that infamous scope of yours you could see the contents of my heart?"

Mundy looked at Lucien with lovestruck eyes. His pupils dilated and his shoulders slowly sank. He relaxed and leaned back on the sofa. Oh how he loved the sound of Lucien's voice…! Mundy laid an arm on the sofa's back and like a reflex, Lucien snuggled up closer to him. 

"One of the reasons you fell for me, Mundy, is because you like the mysteries in me. You like the thrill of that leap of faith you take each time that you doubt my love for you and yet decide to follow your heart anyway. You like this doubt, it makes you vibrate with a curious warmth right here." Lucien gently tapped Mundy's chest, on his heart.

“How d’you do it?”

“How do I do what?”

“How d’you know me that well? Even my mum wouldn’t know what you just told me.” Mundy answered.

“Quite simply, because I am not your mother.” Lucien tapped the tip of Mundy’s nose and the Aussie smiled, making wrinkles appear on his nose and at the corner of his tired eyes. “I apply to be your lover.”

“You apply?” Mundy repeated with a chuckle. “It’s not a job or anythin’, eh?”

“Oh but you are wrong!” Lucien answered. “Look at my face that you disfigured a moment ago. Being your lover is a dangerous job, and a full time one!”

Mundy’s face beamed up with a smile.

“In that case, I’ll look at your application. You can leave it on my desk and I’ll call you back when I’ve looked at the hundreds of others, eh.”

“As if…” Lucien answered with a smirk.

“You think you’re the only one who looks up at me with those eyes of yours?” Mundy took his lover’s chin and stroked his cheek with his thumb. “Well, you’re wrong darl’. You’re not the only one to have some success, eh?”

“I do not doubt that, but you will find my application to be absolutely outstanding.”

“Ooh, is it, now?”

Lucien rolled on his side to straddle his lover’s lap.  

“I can give you a presentation, show you my skills. You may also have heard of my reputation in the field.” Lucien wrapped his arms around Mundy’s neck. 

“You arrogant Frenchie…” Mundy’s hands slid down his lover’s sides.

“And you love it.”

“I kinda do, yeah.”

“So, what do you think? Will you accept my key, and me?” Lucien asked.

“Get off of my lap one second.”

Lucien’s eyebrows jumped in surprise but he obeyed and stood  up off of the sofa. Mundy stood up too and Lucien watched as his lover kicked his boots away and got closer to him again.

“Sorry about your nose. Don’t think I broke it though.”

“Non, you did not, even though it still hurts.”

“Oh, c’mere then, I’ll take care of ya tonight.” Mundy cupped his lover’s face and pulled it to himself. He rested his forehead on Lucien’s and whispered. “Listen, love…”

“Oui…?” Lucien closed his eyes and let himself relax. His eyebrows rose and arched high up on his brow. It felt like his entire body was between the rough and calloused palms of the scruffy hunter.

“Don’t scare me like that ever again, ok?” Mundy asked.

“I cannot promise anything. It was mildly entertaining to see your distress. Besides, I had never heard you declare your love for me.”

“Stop smirkin’, you sexy devil. Look at you, even with your eyes closed, you look smug.”

They both chuckled.

“Does that mean I have got the position?” Lucien asked.

“Hold on, darl’, we gotta see how well you can do on the job, eh?” Mundy’s hands slid down to Lucien’s slim waist. “What d’you say to a first night on the job, as a test, see if you can handle it, hm?”

“I have been handling you for months, mon loup…” Lucien answered and pushed himself to the tip of his toes to kiss his lover.

[my wolf]

“Yeah, but I never knew you loved me back. Now I gotta up my game with ya. C’mere!”

“Mundy!”

The Aussie swept him off the floor and carried him away to their bedroom.

“Hold on, Mundy?”

“Yeah?”

Lucien was in his lover’s arms in a position that had his insides burn with a delicious flame. He had his arms wrapped around Mundy's neck and his feet dangling off of the Aussie's arms.

“Je t’aime.”

“Love you too, gorgeous."

[wormstacheangel]

Day 28: Hellscape

Word Count: 2497

Summary: Cas has to leave the bunker for his own sanity. Hopefully to come back less in love with Dean but, of course, Dean would make it hard for him. (angsty/miscommunication but happy ending) Catch up on my Suptober fics HERE

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Cas has dealt with a lot in his long existence. He has seen the world drown and burn only to start all over again. Apocalypses have gone by without so much as a mention because the next one was always just around the corner. He has died and been brought back more times than he actually remembers. Then he even trapped his own father in the Empty where he would sleep for all eternity because he was nothing more than, well to put in simple terms, a dick. 

Now the world was as peaceful as it ever has been. Enough that the brothers spend more time at home arguing if they should go visit Niagara Falls or the Grand Canyon for their next road trip than about monsters or secret deals. Everything should be sunshine and rainbows now that he was just another human. Now that he is at home with his family and no threat looms over them. 

He should be happy but he’s not. 

He’s in a constant hellscape of longing looks and almost kisses with his damn best friend.

Before the big Chuck battle they shared their goodbye’s and a few confession’s escaped. Even a brief but long awaited kiss was shared between them but Dean acts like nothing happened. Whenever Cas tried to bring it up he would always change the subject or they would get interrupted. It’s been months now and Cas would rather be tortured down in hell with Rowena than in his own damn home. 

Dean wouldn’t even let them be in the same room alone without some sort of distraction. An escape plan just in case Cas did decide to bring up whatever was going on between them. He once asked to go out to eat alone with him like they have done hundreds of times before and he agreed. Cas was so excited only to find Donna waiting for them at the restaurant. The car ride was also filled with loud music to stop them from having any form of conversation. 

This was getting to be too much that it was just starting to hurt. 

“I just think I need some time on my own for a while.” Cas tells Sam as they finish their morning run. “Just to clear my head and sort out some feelings.”

“I get it, man.” Sam patted Cas’s shoulder. Trying to look supportive but this news did come out of nowhere so he was giving him his twitch ‘So not okay with this but trying to be.’ kind of smile. “You do what you have to do. This time, how about leave with some money?”

“Thank you, Sam. I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell Jack and Dean. I’ll tell them myself.”

Telling Jack was hard only because he kept asking why but Cas really couldn’t tell him. Sam knew only because he was the one that found them. Everything was chaotic and panic ridden at that time that they really didn’t get the chance to register what happened. Now that enough time has passed Cas figured that Dean probably kissed him out of pity. They thought they were all going to die and Cas just confessed to him so he panicked. He kissed him, something Cas would always treasure, and even repeated the words back to him. It was quiet and almost shy. Now Cas sees them without the rose colored glasses. They were forced. 

“I’ll call you and when I settle somewhere I let you know so you can visit me.”

“Can’t I come with you?”

“No, Jack, this is your home. You should stay here.”

“This is your home too. We’re your family. You should stay here with us.”

“You are my family, Jack, and I’ll come back soon but I just need some time. Some time to myself with no...no mission. Just me.”

Jack pulled Cas in for a strong hug. Tucking his head and wrapping his arms around Cas’s waist like the child he really was. “Promise? Promise, you’ll come back.”

Cas easily hugged his son back, smiling softly as he hid his face into Jack’s hair. “I promise.”

After saying his goodbye’s Cas decided to leave that night. It would be easier on them all if he was just gone by morning because it would be easier on him. He can’t look at his son and Sam who knew he was leaving while Dean would have no clue. They both needed some space. A space where they wouldn’t be dancing around each other and Dean could finally be comfortable in his home again. 

Cas left that night with two duffle bags, one filled with clothes and the other filled with sentimental stuff because he has things now, and his truck. Cas only left one sentimental thing behind, the mixtape. He couldn’t have that small hope around him anymore. So it will rest at his bedside table until he could come back and listen to it without looking too far into it. 

He drove 10 hours, listening to the playlist Jack had made for them a while ago, and stopped at the nearest motel he could find. He was starting to pass out as the adrenaline of leaving was starting to wear off. His hands were still shaking when he walked into the old musty room but he didn’t care. He just wanted a hot shower and a long nap on a bed before he kept driving. Still not sure where he was going but going to visit Claire was still on top of his list. 

He was in the middle of a shower, the hot water was nice but the water pressure sucked compared to the one at the bunker so his muscles were still stiff, when he heard pounding at his door. Cas poked his head out of the shower curtain just to make sure it was his door that was being knocked on but he was also sure he was only one of the three people staying in this run down place. 

He wrapped a towel around his waist as he rushed over to the door, the angel blade out just in case. The pounding got louder, more desperate as it continued, and Cas could feel fear run up his spine. 

“Great,” Cas sighed as he rolled his shoulders back. Trying to fight the anxiety off so he wouldn’t lose grip of his blade. He has been gone for less than a day and already has monsters picking a fight with him. 

“Cas! Open the damn door!” He then hears as another round of knocking started. “I will kick this damn door down!”

Cas paused for a second before he made himself go open the door for, “Dean?”

Dean stood outside his door still in his pajama bottoms and robe tied loosely around his waist. He looked angry and the scrunched up note in his hand could be the cause of it but Cas really wasn’t sure. 

“What the hell is this?” Dean motioned for the crumbled up note, Ah, so it was about that. Dean pushed his way inside the room and shoved the note to Cas’s chest. “What? I didn’t deserve a goodbye like everyone else?”

“I-I didn’t think you would want me too.”

“I wouldn’t want-!” Dean slammed the door shut behind them and Cas flinched but made no other moves as he held the note in his hands now. Dean ran a hand down his face while the other one pressed to his hip as if he was trying to calm himself. “Cas, I thought the whole running away thing was out of your system.”

“I’m not running away, Dean.”

“The hell you are!” Dean stepped closer to him with a menacing glare that Cas simply returned. “What do you call leaving your family in the middle of the damn night then? Cause I call that being a damn coward.”

“I didn’t run away.” Cas repeated as he shoved the note back at Dean before he walked over to put away the blade back in his duffle, to give his back to him. “I needed a break from,” You. “Everything.”

“From what? From hunting?” Cas could hear Dean walking closer to him. “Cause we haven’t done a case in weeks.”

“No, Dean-”

“Do you need a case? Cause we could go find one! I could call Sam right now and we can-!”

“Dean! This isn’t about hunting!” Cas said as he turned around swiftly to face him but his anger melted as soon as he saw Dean’s expression. His eyes were wide and were trying so hard to hold in those tears that betrayed him. He had his tongue poking at his cheek while his lips twitched to hold whatever he thought he needed to hold in. 

Cas reached for him but then pulled his hand back as he looked down at the ground.  “Dean, I think...I think we both need our space.”

“From me? You needed space from me.” Cas only nodded not wanting to meet his eyes because the shaky voice hurt hurt him already. “Got it. Cool. Glad we got that sorted out.”

There were a few heartbeats of silence between them before Dean spoke again.

“Do you,” He let out a shaky breath. “Do you hate me now?”

Cas looked up at that and noticed how Dean wasn’t fighting his tears falling anymore. “No, of course not.”

“You should.” Dean chuckled darkly as he wiped his face with his sleeves. “I’m a dick.”

“You are but I don’t hate you for it.” Cas told him with a teasing smile. “Well, I don’t particularly like it but I don’t hate it either.”

Dean then reached over with his other sleeve to wipe Cas’s cheeks. Oh, I’m crying too.

“Dean,” Cas took Dean’s hand away from his face and held it between both of his. “Dean, I still love you.” Dean took in a sharp breath but before he could say anything Cas put a hand over his mouth so he could continue. “Just let me talk. Please. I need to get this out before we separate because I-I need this closure.”

Cas looked back at Dean’s eyes to see them bright and soft as he nodded once. 

“Good. Thank you.” Cas pulled his hand away to see a smile. “What?”

“Nothing. I love you too but go on. Say what you wanted to say.”

“Oh, um, thank you. I just wanted to explain the note more because I did want to say goodbye to you but thought that…” Cas then blinked a couple times as Dean’s words registered with him. “Wait did you-?”

“I did.”

“But I thought you didn’t...Dean, I thought you didn’t,” Cas was the one that took the shaky breath now as he tried to read Dean but he looked too bright for it to be a lie. “Do you love me?”

“That’s what I said, dumbass.”

“Say it again then, assbutt.”

Dean took a step closer to him to erase whatever space was between them. “I love you, Cas.” 

“Bullshit.” Cas glares up at him to Dean’s surprise. “If you did then why did you act like a complete ass the last few weeks! You know what, fuck you! Fuck you, Dean Winchester!”

Cas pushes him away and starts dragging him out the door. 

“But Cas!”

“No, I don’t wanna hear it! Fuck off now I’m gonna be gone cause you pissed me off.

“Castiel,” Dean made his body heavy and Cas cursed his human strength but tried to keep pushing Dean out of his room. “Can you please just listen?”

“I don’t want to.” He struggled to say before he just sighed and let Dean fall. It was carpet he should be fine. A rug burn won’t kill him.

“Ow!” He heard but Cas turned to walk back to the bathroom. 

“I’m gonna go finish my shower. I want you gone, Dean.”

“Not until you listen to me!”

“Fuck off.” Cas said one last time before he slammed the bathroom door shut and continued his shower. The hot water is definitely not going to do anything for his strained muscles now.

When he got out, of course, Dean was still there. Waiting for him on the bed. Feet propped up as he rested with his back against the headboard and looked through video on his phone. Cas was too mad to even think that he looked cute. 

He pulled a shirt over his head while he gave Dean his back. 

“So, are you gonna listen?” Dean finally asked but Cas ignored him. “Are you,” Dean chuckled as Cas pulled on his boxers. “Are you seriously going to give me the damn silent treatment, Cas?”

“I have nothing to say to you. Except, get off my bed. I want a few hours of sleep before I head out.”

“I’ll drive you home.”

“I’m not going home.”

Silence as they stared at each other for a second too long. Always a second too long. 

“I thought you didn’t like me anymore.” Dean quickly said before Cas could stop him. “Our first night after Chuck I asked you to stay with me and you said no.”

“Jack needed-”

“I know! I know, Jack needed you. I got that but it kept happening. Anytime I tried to initiate anything between us you were always busy. Not only with Jack but with heaven stuff and then earth stuff. Fuck even the Empty needed your help. You were being pulled in every direction. I didn’t...I didn’t want to fight for your attention.” Dean crawled over the bed so he could kneel in front of Cas and he reached over to cradle his face. “So I gave you space. I’m sorry if you thought that I stopped loving you but I didn’t. I just...I didn’t want you to think that you had to pick me over anything you were doing.”

“I-I would have, Dean. If I would have known that you felt this way then-”

“No, I know you would have.” Dean put a hand behind Cas’s neck to bring his forehead down to meet his. “And I love you for it but you were doing important things. You were fixing the whole world, Cas. I wasn’t going to stop you just because I wanted you to sleep by my side.”

“I’m sorry.” Cas reached with hesitant hands to cradle Dean’s face between his hands. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. Maybe we should work more on that communicating that couples are always talking about.” Dean pressed his nose against his own and Cas could feel the heat radiating off Dean’s lips.

“Are you calling us a couple?”

Dean laughed as he grinned. One of his hands looping around Cas’s waist to pull him closer. “A couple of dumbasses? Yeah.” 

Cas laughed along with him before he finally pressed his lips against Dean’s own. Falling back into bed with Dean holding him close.

--

Tag List: @galaxycastiel

[moonlightreal]

Winx Club season 8/21

In which we all do some DDR.

21 Dance Contest on Melody

More Musa/Riven stuff, strap in guys!  I swear, this season turned me from not caring about that ship to hating it with a fiery passion.  Come on relationship, redeem yourself already so I can go back to standing peacefully outside all fandom drama sources like I want to!

Alfea!  Grizelda is teaching “magical self defense class”  in the courtyard.  I like how we’re seeing all the teachers—except Avalon, I wonder what happened to him!  They’re doing magic shield practice and Knut and Kiko are shooting cannonballs with a catapult to be shielded against. I wonder if shields against a physical object and shields against a magic zap are a different spell.  But grizelda says the cannonballs ‘simulate a magic attack’ so maybe not.

Stella’s shield is a gold star.

Musa is up next, she practiced a lot but her phone rings just at the wrong time. Riven wants to go out for ice cream!  Musa does not sound enthused, like at all.

So they’re back together?  I don’t really remember them getting back together.  My guess is here’s what happened: the second-half writers were told that part of the plot in the first half was that Musa and Riven would get back together, and then the first-half writers… flubbed it.  It happens to us all, you get to the end of the story and realize you didn’t manage to do one of the things you were planning to do.

Or else this ice cream date is Riven’s attempt to actually get back together.  

  Because she’s paying attention to her phone she nearly gets beaned with a cannonball, and then Knut launches Kiko from the catapult, and then the star box appears to save us from the slapstick.

...Is this a glitch?  The box floats there silently and the Tecna says something about the world of music.  I think the dubbers forgot to put in the sound file!

I like that the minor fairies also gather around to hear the star box.  I wonder if some of them are hoping in their hearts that this time the box will say it’s someone else’s destiny to find the prime star.  We never see the minor fairies being jealous, but they must be, the Winx get to do everything and they’re singers too!

Bloom asks to be excused and Grizelda says the fate of the magic universe is indeed more important than their lesson.

So Musa texts Riven that they have to go save the universe again.  Flora says Musa should give him one more chance, “it’s just ice cream.”  Flora, I love you but quit pressuring Musa! -_-

Musa: ‘I don’t need him telling me his feelings unless he can show me!”  Uh, I agree with the sentiment Musa, but that’s what he did with the hologram projector and all that showed was that he’s a bonehead. But Musa perks up because she’ll get to see her dad.

Bloom is concerned about the Trix getting there ahead of them, but Stella says there’s no way the Trix could be there already and we cut to…

The Trix were there already!  Aerial zappy battle for the star, which is on top of one of these really cool giant rock spires that have the tops carved into treble clefs.  Love the geography!  I want to imagine who carved these things, I wonder how people know when they move into a realm what kind of magic it will have.  The girls’ home realms each have a certain flavor, while Magix isn’t associated with any particular kind of magic. Imagine being an explorer visiting new realms to discover their magic...

In the fight the prime star gets dislodged and its little hamster ball goes sailing off towards the city.  Everybody follow it!

Musa says, ‘it’s flying toward the Melody disco!”  wait, is that whole thing a disco?  The scales of things are sometimes confusing, I thought it was a whole city but maybe it’s just one building.

Cut to… a disco! Or some kind of… do nightclubs really look like that?  Colored lights, big speakers, several levels of dance floors, big screens. Very cool.  The partygoers do not look particularly traditionally Asian, they’re all colors and wearing big pants and hats and sweaters.  I think this is like, Asian punk clothing?  K-pop style? I don’t follow K-pop and I don’t go to night clubs, but if they looked like this I might.  

And there’s Galatea!  The art style has actually made her look older than she was, she’s wearing the same dress as when we saw her in the sovereign council, that super skinny dress with the ruffles up front. I feel like the very classical-music Galatea should look more uncomfortable at this not-classical club, she doesn’t fit aesthetically, but she’s having a grand time announcing the annual Melody disco competition.

The Winx come in, Musa says this is Melody’s biggest party and Galatea organizes it every year.  it’s like her pet project, I love it!  Galatea holds up the prize for the “dancing queen”, a crown with a treble clef on it, and the prime star landed inside.

Ok, it flew from outside and landed perfectly in the crown and Galatea’s holding it up and doesn’t notice?  Come on. ...was what I wrote when watching in Italian, but in English it’s even worse because Galatea did see it and she just says, ‘this crown and a special extra that just fell from above.”  So Galatea doesn’t recognize an important magical item or wonder where it came from or why… groan.

So Musa goes, “Hey, Galatea, old friend, we need that star and then you can go back to enjoying your contest!” and Galatea gives it to her--

Not.  That is not what happens.

Flora does suggest they just ask for the star but Musa says it won’t be that easy, “Princess Galatea takes this event very seriously.”

The Trix are here too.  Icy tries some magic to “bring down the house!” and it doesn’t work and all the punk kids glare at her.  She looks quite worried for just being glared at by a bunch of punk kids!

Galatea says very prissily, “Remember, the disco is protected against magic attacks, so no cheating please.”  I dunno if it’s just me but I’m seeing Galatea as, she acts all prissy but she’s like a stealth nerd who pretends to be all formal but secretly just has a ball going off on nerd stuff.  Or in this case, disco.  Maybe that’s just me reading what I want to see into the character ‘cause it’s such a fun image of her.

Anyway, we’ll just have to win the contest to get the prime star!

Bloom seems pretty happy about this, and Aisha says the star case mentioned harmony so winning a music contest would make sense as a way to get the star.

Stella says, ‘everybody, hold still!” and gets everyone dressed up. Gradient-colored outfits with neon edging.  Bloom comes off worst, the designers couldn’t bring themselves to go with blue so she’s in mostly a muddy purple and her hairstyle is not good.  Flora’s is similarly blah, Musa has cute banding across her top and I like her very ninties hair.  Tec is cute in green and Stella in yellow. Aisha’s turquoise with purple neon looks the best, and she says this might be the best outfit Stella’s ever put together.

Are these dolls?  I hope so.  I not-so-secretly want Winx dolls with glow in the dark elements, because I want them to be Moondreamers.  Cosmix totally granted my Winx-moondreamers wish, except for the glow in the dark stuff part!

Musa’s ready to dance but the others tell her to go see her dad while she can.  The others mention Aisha is a talented dancer, yay for them remembering that.  So Musa goes to visit her dad.

The Trix notice Musa’s leaving and Darcy wants to go after her to make sure she doesn’t “know something we don’t.”  Smart, Darcy!  Icy grabs her sister and says they have to win the crown.  But Darcy says, ‘You don’t need me, you have our secret weapon.”  What weapon?

  Icy and Stormy get their dance clothes on and they look awesome!  Way better than the Winx.  Icy’s hairdo is a bit much but other than that they rock.

We cut to Red Fountain.  Sky and Brandon are sparring.  Riven is brooding about Musa avoiding him.  Sky says he should try talking to her, but Riven says every time they talk they end up arguing.  Brandon suggests they argue because they have strong feelings.  Sky says, “Talk to musa face to face, show her your feelings.’  which is what Riven’s been trying to… sigh.

Back on Melody Stella offers to help explain the dance contest rules.  Galatea recognizes her by name so the girls totally could call on their friendship with Galatea to get the star.  it’s also cool that one royal recognizes another.

This dance contest is like DDR Twister, anywhere on the floor can light up and also spots in the air.  I cannot wait until this is a real thing in AR. It’s coming, people.  It’s coming.  

Stella eventually flubs it, she gets catapulted off the stage and lands in Bloom’s arms.  Galatea explains if a dancer misses even one step she’ll be eliminated

Icy vs Flora dance! People recognize Icy, Galatea does… and nobody calls the police to report public enemies on the loose and in the same room with the princess!  People cheer for Icy like she’s a normal contestant. Maybe they don’t realize she’s THAT Icy..?

Bloom says, “Icy’s not bad!” in both Italian and English.  Flora grins cutely the whole time and is pretty adorable, but she loses and gets carried off the stage in a bubble which pops, dropping her in Aisha’s arms.

I used to love DDR. I was terrible at it, but it’s fun.

Darcy is following Musa to her house.  Musa meets her dad!  Hugs!  Musa’s house is cool, it’s Asian-ish with like, lines of music along the roof..

Inside, screens, sliding doors, Asian style tea set.  Musa remembers her childhood with her parents, it’s really sweet.  Baby Musa has two pigtails. There’s a huge double-harp, it has part an upright normal harp and part a bench with harp strings over it and Matlin and Ho-boe played it together.  I wonder if that’s a real thing, it’s like the sofa of harps.  Hoe-bo calls it the “Harmony harp” and says even the stars come to listen.  It can only be played by two people whose hearts are in harmony, so hoe-bo hasn’t been able to play it since Matlin died.

Darcy: ‘What a sweet moment.  I’d better ruin it right away.”

pffft!  Darcy, I love you, never change.

Tecna vs Stormy dance!   Stormy says it’s time for the Trix to unleash their secret weapon, but Tecna isn’t worried.  She says the dance contest is kind of like a video game.  And it is, but you need physical strength and speed too.   If I were writing this I’d have Tecna say, “Anything where you can ‘level up,’ I can win!’

Stormy turns out to be “better than Icy… a lot better.”   Tec gets farther than Flora did and ends up in a perfect tie with Stormy.  Galatea chirps, “Double perfect!” and tec says ‘achievement unlocked” again. They go to a higher level that’s like breakdancing where you have to spin around on your back and stuff.   Eventually Stormy wins.

Galatea should not be so chipper about public enemy numbers one and three winning her contest.  She knows who the Trix are, she’s calling them by name…

Stella runs right up to icy, “wait-wait-wait, STORMY was your secret weapon?”

Stormy: ‘Five time dance witch champion.”

Icy: ‘She’s kind of a rising star in the world of dark dance competitions.”

Bloom: “Dark dance competitions?”

Aisha: “It’s a thing.  Unfortunately.”

Ok that was great.  and Aisha’s delivery of that last line was spot on.

Musa is eating ice cream with her dad, it’s sweet.  He asks why ice cream and guesses it’s about Riven.  Musa says, “It’s not about Riven.  It’s never about Riven actually.”  Hmm.

Darcy is lurking outside, she says ‘Musa’s making this too easy.  I’ll finish it with a single shot.” O_o

thankfully riven turns up to save the day.  They fight but Darcy can do all her illusion stuff and she wins without too much trouble, and puts a mind control spell on Riven.  She sounds just delighted at her new plaything.  Now she can cause even more havok!

Musa hears a noise outside and thinks it’s the Trix, but it’s Riven.  She invites him in, and she sounds… not drama-y.  She just apologizes for canceling their date and says they can have ice cream now.  Darcy gloats.

Next time: more dancing!  Riven and Musa!  Stormy wins the contest!  Gee, that’s a spoiler.

[brightlilies-a]

   cracks knuckles. i’ve long put off rewriting this one, if not because it’s not an easy or concise subject matter to discuss, so bear with me. . . ! spoilers for dnc & 5.0 msq (though the latter is lighter, so i can expand on it later with a broader scope).

   headcanon, re: purpose.    * partially rewritten from my old blog & otherwise including new stuff.

   what’s your purpose?

   if you had asked him that question during a realm reborn and heavensward, he’d wholeheartedly answer that all he wants to do is have the strength to protect others. the funny thing is that it’s a purpose that was given to him——not because he’s the warrior of light or because people are relying upon his continued success, but because it was something his older brother, albi’a, said near constantly prior to the calamity. they were to use their strength to ensure the safety of the tribe, and when they would eventually be outcast, that strength would become something to protect others with. power was meant to protect——that was all it ever meant to albi’to.

   ‘course, after albi’a’s death at carteneau and his mother pushing him to become an adventurer seemingly on a whim, albi’to ultimately ended up parroting that sentiment for a good chunk of time. if someone asked why he was an adventurer, it was always to gain the power to protect, with no deeper thought to it. he believed his would-be mantra, sure (if he hadn’t, he would have never approached the gladiator’s guild, nor walked the path of a paladin), but the words were never something that were his. they were the remnants of a promise left unfulfilled, acting as a buoy for a young man with little else to cling to in the vast, churning ocean of heroics and intrigue that was swiftly becoming his life.

   putting it like that and only looking at it from that perspective, however, makes it seem insincere——and it’s not. albi genuinely wants to protect people. he’s kind and compassionate to others because he’s had a rough go at life and he doesn’t want anyone to go through what he did. he lost his home and much of what he considered his family only to be shuffled into a place that didn’t even want him all at once, and yet, he keeps his optimism (even if at times, he didn’t think he could.). so he often sympathizes, even with people he possibly shouldn’t, and wants to keep them safe.

   but, then again, stormblood happens. namely, in crimson it began happens, as all things inevitably return to zenos. zenos, who is so uncaring to things that don’t interest him, set against albi, who feels so much toward everything and everyone. and yet, the power albi had obtained to protect others wasn’t enough. the conviction he’d allowed to guide him through combating ultima weapon and the whole of the dragonsong war fell short suddenly. the scar on his shoulder is an ugly reminder of his loss, but his shattered shield, like haurchefant’s, reinforces a reality that, for a while, he’s afraid of: he can’t protect everyone.

   so he shifts jobs to samurai, thinking if he gets stronger he can brute force his way through it. he can still protect people, but maybe he doesn’t need a shield to do it. maybe all he needs is a stronger sword that will stop threats in their tracks. but the foundation of his (brother’s) belief that the strong will always be able to protect the weak is cracked, and patches 4.4 onward really reinforce that. for much of stormblood though, there isn’t any time to waver, so the problem only rears its head once the scions start getting called away and he’s helpless to do anything to stop it. yet again, he can’t stop what’s happening, not to the people he cares so much for, and no amount of power is going to help him.

   albi doesn’t do well on his own, as he’s never really had to face who he is and process his own identity. he tends to ensure other people are near him, hiding most of his insecurities through being overly social and directing conversation away from himself. so much of the time between 4.5 part 1 and 4.5 part 2 is very, very rough on him, because he’s holding on so tightly to the image of the warrior of light people want and expect from him, punishing himself for not being able to help the people he’s losing, and ignoring those who are still around’s concerns for him. part 2 of the patch helps, as aymeric reminds him that he isn’t alone, and tataru opens his eyes to the fact he can’t keep bottling everything up and trying to handle these things on his own anymore, which are both things he desperately, desperately needs to hear at that point.

   so while they’re out looking for the crystal tower beacon… he’s not alone, and he’s doing better to include the others in what he’s doing so they can help, but it’s not perfect. it’s hard when he isn’t the same bright-eyed kid that walked into the waking sands at thancred’s behest. he’s still loud and energetic, but he’s begun to mellow out somewhat from everything he’s been through and witnessed.

   above all else, though, he’s come to terms with the truth he once feared: he can’t protect everyone; sometimes, he can’t even protect himself. which brings us back to that initial question of purpose.

   if he cannot protect with his shield and if his blade alone cannot wield enough power, then what’s left to guide him on his way? he’s relied on the scions’ support for so long, and while he’s always done what’s expected of him, he’s never really had much to offer outside of being the eikon slayer or the muscle. but while he’s not allowed to help search for the beacon himself, it gives him plenty of time to find another answer for himself, which he does on a wayward trip to limsa lominsa to visit his sister.

   “ put another way, bringing joy and succor to the scorned and the suffering is no less than our calling in life. ” - nashmeira, a soirée in the sultanate.

   while he’s never offered much besides being a weapon, albi has always had a naturally charismatic personality. he likes people, enjoys their company, delights in bringing them together and building them up. which, in some ways, goes hand in hand with being the warrior of light——sowing hope where despair otherwise reigns is simply part of being the realm’s champion, even if he isn’t fond of the title himself. so the thought of supporting the people around him is one that is more secondhand nature than parroting what his brother said while he was alive, and one that comes more naturally to him.

   natural affinity for and history of dance aside (because this isn’t about that), it’s a job that suits him infinitely better than swinging a sword around. and not because he’s simply good at dancing, but because being a dancer is about supporting the people around oneself, lifting their spirits and unburdening hearts, leaving a bit of joy and happiness in his wake. it isn’t something done alone; it requires a partner or an audience.

   and traveling with troupe falsiam, brief as it might’ve been, truly assured him that he wanted to do nothing more with his life. fighting the absolutely horrible monsters born out of the sorrow in people’s hearts, seeing their burdens manifest like that, it hurt, sure. but he had the ability to help those people, so he would. and he will, because in the end it’s what he wants to do. mistress nashmeira’s words ring true in a way he wholly agrees with——his purpose isn’t to protect people or to fight their battles, but to bring joy and help the helpless. to do as much as he can as kindly as he can, but not promise any form of salvation.

   because he’s not a god, nor is he infallible, and twelve does he know that.

   “ in a place like this, you learn to take what little moments of happiness you can get. “ - tesleen, the time left to us.

   of course, norvrandt puts this new purpose to its test swiftly. most people don’t have much of a reason to be happy, what with the end of the world being nigh. the people’s hearts are filled with doubts, shadows of disdain for the lot they’ve been given, and even by the time he goes to amh araeng to meet with alisaie (which he does first, given how things ended at ghimlyt dark), albi is keenly aware of the general condition. moreover, that it isn’t anything he can fix immediately, because as long as the main problem exists, people will continue to suffer after the fact.

   worse, having gone through what he did alongside troupe falsiam tends to make the events in norvrandt pull on his heartstrings uncomfortably. meeting f’lhaminn once more before seeing thancred struggle to let go of minfilia, dealing with the fuath wanting to make him theirs to perform again and again in endless fights on their drowned stage, watching the carers at journey’s head struggle to find even an ilm of kindness to share with the afflicted... not to mention eulmore in its entirety engorging itself on false happiness, there’s a lot that makes him hesitate. lightwardens, and knowing they were once people, make him sad, but he tries to view it as tesleen put it: the warrior of darkness comes to care for souls at their dying moment, to bring them somewhere hopefully better than where they are currently.

   not a promise of salvation, but a measure of kindness he can deliver to them. something that keenly fits along with the purpose he’s decided for himself, that isn’t asking him to be something or someone he isn’t.

[elejah-verse]

The Sun and The Moon Curse/7

Fanfiction

Part 7

Elijah Mikaelson x Elena Gilbert

ft other tvd characters - Klaus Mikaelson, Katherine Pierce, Esther Mikaelson

set after tvd 3x14/15

Summary: Elijah asks Elena at the Mikaelson Ball to tell her what his mother wanted from her. Elena divulges Esther’s plan to the Original, and as the ritual fails, Elena goes away from Mystic Falls with Elijah. How will their lives change as Klaus can’t make anymore hybrids...

a/n: There is quite a bit of invented mythology from me. Thanks so much for reading this story, as it was my first tvd story ever. xoxo

tags @rissyrapp20 @dendrite-lover @captainshurley @cassienoble2000 @goddessofthunder112 @elejahforever @hides2000 @idkhaylijah

if anyone wants to be removed from the tag list, please let me know. xoxo

____

In the most elegant tiny attic apartment, Elijah and Elena laid together, eyes lost in a loving gaze. His fingers streamed lovingly over her arms, whispering a small I love you, making Elena’s heart shoot in million stars.

“I love you, too”- Elena said dearly and leaned over to the Original kissing him.

Drawing her closer to him, Elena snuggled up to the Original, laying her head on his chest, making loving circles around his stomach now, listening to his heart.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you after our talk in the Lockwood Mansion”- Elena now admitted. 

Elijah wetted his lips now, a smile danced on his face, sharing the same sentiment-

“Likewise. But I must say that I was taken in the night we negotiated in your bedroom- your feisty, daring nature - was compelling- but - yes - it was then, when you returned to the Mayor’s house - walking through that door - determined to set the whole world on fire - in actual fact - you delving into my soul with a mere look into my eyes - “ 

Elena now beamed her look up at the Original. She clearly remembered that moment, and what she had seen - yes, he had cared about Katherine, but he had expressed that she had moved him, and that she was the one that shook his undead heart then. 

“You - say that you will not make the same mistake again?”

“Oh, please don’t remind me of what I had said then.”- Elijah said brushing his thumb over her cheek lovingly and continued- “I was in love once before - and - “

“Katherine?”

“No. A witch. But it does not compare - not that I wish to compare - because you are unique. Your soul, your heart - does not - could not match any other woman- ever.” 

Elena’s eyes glisten with tears brought up by the Original’s declaration. She thought she was in love before, but this was something that she could not describe. She felt she could touch the moonlight, her heart was shooting stars as he now pulled her to him, kissing her even more tenderly than before. 

*******

Elsewhere

It was obvious to Yizel that Klaus would use all the resources possible to mask his whereabouts as Katherine and her found themselves yet again on a wild goose chase.

"To find a needle in a haystack would be easier."- " let's find Elena.

"If they are hiding so well, something is going on and you haven't told me the whole story."- Yizel said- " I think it's time you told me exactly what had happened."

Katherine rolled her eyes and then started with the rest of the story that took place and the story of her doppelganger and the Mikelsons supposed demise. 

The witch now asked Katherine to pour the blood in a bowl. It wasn’t hard to locate Elena. They soon were on their way to Bucharest.

Katherine smirked with gladness that at least some things were finally going the  way she wanted them to. The hatred she had harboured for the doppelganger couldn't be described. More than five hundred years of survival killed all real emotions in her. She wanted revenge and she didn't care what price she or anyone in her way would pay.

*******

Bucharest, Romania

Having eventually left the bed, Elijah and Elena left the villa as she wanted to see some of the city, do ordinary stuff, as she said. And she loved listening to him telling her his views about things and historical points. She could listen to him for hours. There was something in his voice that was inviting, calming and captures the listener fully. He told her about the time when the merchants and craftsmen established their stores in the early 1400s in the old district. She then asked about the infamous count Dracula, as they came to the place where the remains of the Old Princely Court was, and Elijah told the true gruesome story of the count Vlad Tepes, his victorious yet bloody battles against Turkish invasion, which was far different from the folklore built around him, and the fact that his younger brother had betrayed him, after which his decline was imminent. Elena could notice that Elijah's tone changed as he spoke about the count's brother.  

"You agreed to Lia's deal-and it's not easy, you feel like you have betrayed him!"

"Elena, we had this conversation, not once. Klaus and I-you see- I failed him in so many ways. I have treated him like a spoiled child. Father used to beat him because he was not his son- and I tried to compensate somehow for all that time- I am very much to blame for who he is now,and I made a promise once a long time ago 'family above all-"

Elena could see that he was in great pain and he didn't hide it.

"You wished there was another way?!!"- she said empathically, understanding the complexity of it all.

"We both know that there is no other way. Lia offering him a human life. Maybe he can find some redemption in it- I just- let's continue walking shall we?!"- he said suddenly composing himself again.

"Elijah?! "- Elena laid her hand on the Original’s arm- " this is not your fault, nothing that Klaus does is your fault!"

There it was, her compassion trying to balance it all out. Her eyes truthfully believing in him and his redemption. She had the love he needed to see him through. He smiled a little and said- "Shall we?!" She nodded and they proceeded in silence.

As they came up to the Old Court Church. Elena wanted to go in.

"I will be waiting here for you."- Elijah said. She understood that he could not go in and then felt badly for a moment, but he urged her to go.

"I- well-I kind of want to light a candle for Damon. I don't know if it is right him being what he was."

"You should."- the Original nodded a little. 

"Yes. I was so mad at him -cuz of the compulsions and - but he was there for me and when I left we didn't leave things in a good place, and I just-"

"Elena, he was human once and he had a soul.It doesn't matter where you do it! I'll wait here for you." - Elijah said dearly.

"Thank you"- she said and walked into the church. It was a small, but magnificently beautiful. She felt a tad bit strange to do this as he was a vampire, yet Elijah's words reminded him that once he was a human.

Elena came to the part where many yellow candles were burning for the souls of the loved ones. She lit a candle and placed it among the others. She needed to say goodbye to the vampire and thank him for having cared for her. 

"I hope you are at peace now, Damon."

She looked around a little bit, and then walked slowly back to the entrance. Seeing Elijah patiently waiting for her to exercise something private made her heart flutter.

"Everything all right?!"- the Original asked politely, stating the obvious as she nodded with a little smile.

"I am a bit hungry." - Elena then said.

"Of course. You didn't have any breakfast. I am sorry."- and it seemed like they were back on with their plan to take time to themselves and indulge in being nothing else but tourists, a couple visiting and simply enjoying each other's company.

"I bet you know a good place?!"

Elijah nodded with a small smirk dancing on his face. They walked away from the church/ She took him by the hand and the Original couldn’t help but glance at his hand in hers. It felt unusual as he wasn't accustomed to those kind of public displays of affection. 

“Everything ok?”- Elena asked.

“Perfectly.”- Elijah confirmed squeezing her hand lightly - “this way”

And they walked in the direction he pointed, hand in hand, followed by the sunshine behind them.

********************

In the Old Town, not far from the Church Elena and Elijah walked out of

Lia looked at her watch. It was nearly five in the afternoon. She drank her tea and enjoyed the buzzing café full of people.Then a woman in her late fifties came to her.

"Esther Mikaelson."- Lia said- "nice to finally meet you. I am Lia Vladu. Please sit down. I'd  like to discuss with you something that would be of great interest to both of us."

******

Meanwhile in another part of Europe

Klaus wasn't very kind to the young witch, and there was no business deal to discuss. The poor woman laid in the bath tub as he'd overpowered her and mercilessly killed her.

"You do not play with me!"- he hissed as he got out of the hotel room.

Feride felt the demise of the young witch as if something had stabbed her right in the stomach. Lia felt the same. Just before Lia was to enter the villa with Esther, she stood as if she couldn't get any breath.

"Are you all right?"-Esther asked.

"Fine"- Lia said, although she knew that something was seriously wrong.

The women entered the house.

"This is a beautiful house"- Esther complimented her.

"Well, thank you. Please, if you would come through here"- Lia lead Esther into the living room.

The witch then murmured words in the old Dacian language sealing the room closed.

"What is this?"- Esther could feel a strange surge of magic enveloped her.

"Unfortunately, I had to contain you. I didn't really think that you were so strong minded."

"You brought me here on false pretences?!"- Esther said openly showing that she wasn't happy about what had occurred.

"I have no choice. I have to protect Elena and your son. You are unfortunatelly in my  way."

"My children will bring you nothing but misery!"- Esther said agitated a bit, continuing- "I don't understand why you cannot see what abomination they are!"

"It is too late for being regretful about what you have done a thousand years ago. We have to fight the hybrids and I will need all your children on my side-at least those who want to go against them!"

Lia then heard Elijah and Elena enter the Villa. She excused herself and went out to meet them in the Hall.

*************************

In Germany

Feride felt that the power of five reincarnated witches break as one of the witches was now dead.

With her eyes full of tears she slammed down on the floor. She took time to mourn the passing. It was a harsh world, she knew that, and all she knew about the deadly soul of the most notorious vampire, now hybrid, came true.

"He will kill -and he would not think twice about it"- she remembered the lines she read about Niklaus Mikaelson.

With a heavy heart she got up and went to call Lia.

In Bucharest, both Elena and Elijah met Esther once again face to face. The Original witch couldn't get to them as she was now held captive, but they could converse. Elena wanted to leave mother and son on their own, but Elijah said that whatever was to be said could be done in her presence too.

"I wanted to mend my mistake!"- Esther started.

Elijah was serious. It was now time to finally speak with all cards openly laid down on the table.

"I can understand that."- Elijah said sincerely - "but you knew what was going to  happen-you were a witch, and not just any!"

"You know of survival-I have been motivated to save my family-and after Henrik was killed-"

"Yes"- Elijah muttered, his face getting grim. He understood that part as he also would do anything to save his family.

"But-I have to carry this burden, I guess...like you have to carry yours!"- Esther said.

Elijah knew what she was talking about, as he had a great share of trespasses to live with himself.

She turned to Elena now.

"I see that you and Elijah share more than just a friendly understanding. Maybe for some reason he does deserve some light in his life! Still, never forget what he is!"

Elena's sombre face indicated that she understood what Esther meant. Without saying anything to it Elena just walked out of the room. Her heart felt like it was hit with dark magic. She felt an unsual pain in her gut.

Elijah went after the doppelganger rushly.

In the library, Lia finished her conversation with Feride. She brushed the tears off of her face as she put the phone down.

There was more carnage to follow and the witches knew that.

She now took a moment to reconsider what would be the next step. Time could not be wasted. Once again she read about the ritual that was to take place. She calculated out the moon and the sun conjunction that was to happen before she had planned it, and what the implications it would bring if brought forward.

In the attic apartment Elena nervously undid her coat and tossed it on the bed.

"Elena"- Elijah said concerned as he walked in after her.

She looked at him worried.

"I don't like her being here!"- Elena said- "with all that happened last time- I mean-I know we brought her back-but-huh!!! "

"Lia needs Esther for the ritual!"- Elijah said seriously.

Elena could see the transformation in Elijah. He seemed to have closed himself off again.

"Demons and darkness"- Elena thought. She sighed.

He now turned away from the window-

"You will have to be stronger than you have ever been!"- he said to her.

"Why are you saying this!?"

"I just got a message from Niklaus! He knows what we are up to!" 

Elena felt like the blood in her veins froze. They were both quiet for a moment.

"What now?"- Elena uttered.

"Well-we still have a powerful witch on our side...she must come up with something."

And, indeed it was so. Lia called them to the library not long after. She told them what had happened, and that now they were in a dangerous limbo. But the very resourceful witch had a solution.

"We know now the cause of the mutation"-Lia said- "but that is the least of my worries. We have lost a witch that was necessary to complete the ritual to close the circle to end the hybrid gene. But we are looking for a witch that is born with the mark of Earth so we can complete the ritual when the time comes. Now to more pressing matters- before the first dark red 'blood moon' appears we have to complete the Sun and the Moon conjunction ritual, so we have two that can fight against the hybrids holding the same powers as once the witch-slayers had.

The scrolls say that Elena is the bearer of the Sun and you Elijah the Moon."

What does that mean?"- Elena inquired.

"You are speeding thing up!? Would you care to explain?!" - Elijah looked at her poignantly.

"Because the Tetrad is about to set in and it gives the hybrids great power-when the sun, the moon and Mars are aligned -they create a passage of six full moons. You know what full moons enable the werewolf to do. You will be able to fight them when they are either vampire or werewolf. You two drawing power from the doppelganger and vampire will  have equal power against them. Although you are an Original you are still so much weaker than you brother, or isn't it so?! This conjuction will enable Elena and you to be as strong as a hybrid, and she will not anymore be merely a human."

"Will I become a vampire?"- Elena then asked.

"No. You will still remain human, but you will be Immortal nevertheless, as you will become the reincarnation of the sidhe-spirit, the first, Zana, from whom the first vampires were created."

"That is not what you were suggesting earlier?"- Elijah wanted to know.

"No. I received some more disturbing news, namely, the hybrids have made covenant with witches and warlocks who practice dark magic- and that your brother is meeting them!"

"What proof do you have?"- Elijah said.

"This" and Lia put her hand on Elijah's forehead and what Feride had teleported to Lia she now did to him. It showed Klaus with the mutated hybrid called Julius.

As she finished Elijah moved away from her as if stung by a wasp.

"Elijah"- Elena said as she saw that his facial expression got darker. All he told Elena before the ritual in Mystic Falls now was coming to be.  

"I couldn't kill him-he is my brother!"- the Original muttered.

"I know!"- Lia sympathized with him- "but you knew what would come to pass!"

"Yes"- he said faintly- "if I agree to all this-we still have a deal-you turn him into human!"- he demanded.

"I can sign it in my own blood if you want!"- Lia said coolly.

Elena's mind was racing now. She felt exactly the same as the day when she found out Klaus had arrived in Mystic Falls and the only clear thing was to undagger Elijah.

"I am willing to do it!"- Elena said resolved- "I want to fight them." 

Elena looked Elijah wanting him to declare the same.

He knew that she wouldn't take anything less than a straight answer.

"We do this!"- Elijah said looking at Elena and then at Lia.

"I will make the preparations. We need to depart for Cluj-Napoca as soon as possible!"

"And Esther?"

"She remains here. She will be safe!"- Lia confirmed.

Not long after, the trio made their way to Transylvania.

***************** 

Elsewhere

Klaus sat down with Julius, who was the leader of the twelve hybrid packs.

"I know  that you have stolen the precious doppelganger blood bags!"- Klaus said calmly, but the blood in him was boiling.

"Unlike you, we only need now a few drops for the werewolf to change into the hybrid thanks to my mother, the hybrid witch!"

"Your mother?"- Klaus asked.

"Yes. she is a hybrid and yet she kept all her witchcraft-"- Julius said.

Klaus was quiet. He was there to collect information, and didn't like what he was hearing.

"I am listening"- Klaus said cleverly playing the game of someone who had thousand years of cunningness.

"I hear that the doppelganger has escaped!" - Julius remarked.

"She is with my brother! We are out of blood bags, aren't we?! Guess what - I don't negotiate with thieves!"- and Klaus vamped out, attacking Julius who fought back with the same strength that Klaus had. Everyone present watched how the two bit one another and charged at each other over and over again as rabid dogs.

"Enough!"- the witch waved and the magic separate them. They parted for a moment and stood still, not changing back into the human form just yet.

"Yes, he stole from you, as I have instructed him so. You don't negotiate with an Original. And we needed the blood to work the spell. I apologize, but it is in our best interest! You may think that your brother is on your side- but we know of his alliance with witches who try to kill all hybrids even you!"

"You think that I don't know that the witches are on my case. I have killed one of them! And as for your information. I have received fresh blood bags. You see, we are a close family, and my brother is only keeping the doppelganger safe from the likes of you!"

"Calm down. This is exactly what they want- to divide and make us weak!"- Julius now said.

"My son is right. Join us, Niklaus Mikaelson, and our power will be infinite!"- the witch said.

Klaus retreated to reconsider the offer. He didn't like what he had heard and that there was now a witch that was also a hybrid werewolf/vampire. He didn't believe it could ever happen.

**********

Cluj-Napoca, Romania

Elena, Elijah and Lia arrived in the north-western city of Cluj- Napoca, Transylvania, sometime before midnight.  

Lia told Elena a bit more about the history of Dacians. Elena wanted to know more about Zana, whose spirit she would be assuming in the ritual that was about to take place the following night.  

"She was the spirit of nature, which you are too, because you are the doppelganger-you will know once it is done, as you are a reincarnation as well."- Lia said.

When they arrived in the apartments Lia had organized for them, Elijah asked to see the text in the scrolls that talks about them.

Elena made herself comfortable in one of the bedrooms. She took a shower, needing time to herself. He heart felt like it separated into million pieces. She felt she grew more mature in the past few months. Curiously, she felt a strange calm envelope her.

As she got dressed, she decided not to join Elijah and the witch in the lounge. She laid down on the bed. Her thoughts were with her friends and her brother, and the life that now was so far away. At one point she fell asleep.

When Elijah got in, Elena woke up. He sat on the bed next to her. She could see in his look that he was still very worried. She sat up.

"We will be bonded for all eternity."- the Original then said.

"I know. I understood all what Lia was saying. Sometimes it feels like I dreamed this moment- all of this. Like I have always known but it wasn't clear, now it kind of is-I used to lay down in my bed in Mystic Falls and thought about the future, and- I dreamed of this guy, wondering who he was, where he was. In my heart -you know when it all fits and you know it but you can't understand how that is. Where you go, I go. It's so clear to me. Give me your hand" - Elena said.

He put her hand out to her and she took it.

"I love you. And I know now that it was always you!"

"I love you so- more. I never could have imagined how real love can be!"- he uttered- then looked deep into her eyes, which responded with warmth and love, he then said -

"I would be honoured if you would enter into this as my betrothed?!"

"Yes."- Elena nodded smiling a little- and then embraced him dearly.

In the apartment next door Lia wrote a message to her fellow witch Feride.

*************

At the same time in Germany, Feride opened the door of her flat to a woman in her thirties, who introduced herself as Adelheid Friedrich. She showed the witch the mark of caduceus and Feride smiled relieved that she found a fellow reincarnated witch. She invited her in and the two women commenced  exchanging all that is to do with the strange occurrences that were taking place.

____

[borisbubbles]

02. MOLDOVA

DoReDoS - “My lucky day” 10th place

I have written far too much and for far too long about Eurovision that it can still be considered a healthy pasttime, yet I’ve completely missed the love triangle vibe of this wonderful Banality Anthem?

Funnily, it was the very SovBottiness which caused “My Lucky Day” to shine, that also obscured its lol-potential in the first place. While both the song AND the country it was performed for both scream “hilarious trainwreck in the making”, most of us (I am not just speaking for myself here... right?) weren’t really expecting anything great.

All I did expect were a few neurotic *offscreen* meltdowns, because I couldn’t (and to this day still can’t?) wrap my head around how DoReDoS function as cohesive group. The best way I can think of to describe this is that DoReDoS, partially due to their hyperprofessionalism and partially because of the language barrier came off as Pod People, which was a lovely sight, I’m sure you’ll agree <3 From Marina swanning in and out of interviews as if she was just a intern  who go lost at a high-end business drink + buffet, to Eugeniu and Sergiu sulking in the background avoiding eyecontact with the press people because they don’t speak a lick of English <3  However the only immediate payoff was a mere “Well the staging will be funny ;D” and I was like “lol sure, Jan” all the same. Then came... the dénouement:

The staging was *actually* funny, who knew! DoReDoS came out of NOWHERE from being an act nobody even considered a serious qualifier to the #1 Favourite of nearly EVERYONE in the Press Centre during rehearsals <3 I can’t think of a single bigger whiplash? (maybe Robertoad, but even then it took me until the 2013 vote tally to appreciate the absurdity of Frenglish + VAGINA DANCERS + his always carrying with himself a wee stuffed elephant = permanently hunkering down on the left hand side of the scoreboard somehow <3 ) 

How did DoReDoS achieve success? Well, they simply acted out their song’s by Moldovan standards ridiculous and oversexualized message of a middle-aged woman ensnaring two witless loverboys in a bout of hormone-driven nymphomania in the most literal way possible <333333 BLESS <3

You can take “BLESS” literally btw because turns out that DoReDoS are like... superreligious nuts as in the “we demand to attend church before every performance and flat out refuse to sing if God doesn’t speak to me” type of religious nuts <3333

I dunno why I find that factoid hysterical, but Lord I do. Just the *idea* of anyone (let alone these three “individuals”) visiting an Orthodox Basilica on a daily basis and like, kissing the gilded Bible and kneeling at the plaster effygies to pray for an exquisite performance of what is a polyandrist ménage à trois style dork dance that openly celebrates bigamy and includes live groping  in front of a millions of people worldwide at the world’s greatest gay reclamation event is...  the stuff Kafka wrote novels about and I mean, guys... I’m only human.

The prayers WERE answered though because the performance is as close to perfection as I like my entries to get. Don’t get me wrong though. DoReDoS were perfect... in their imperfections. The acting during “My Lucky Day” was godawful and cheesier than a raclette fondue on New Year’s Eve and that is precisely what made it RealFantastic. The Dr Seuss-like rhyming, the utter lack of subtlety, the overacting, it all contributed to an act that was just silly enough to maintain its the light-hearted farmer’s farce /fait divers status. Even B-material like Sergiu singing the chorus in an audibly off-key falsetto, forcing Marina and Eugeniu to drown out his yelps so the performance doesn’t fall apart is sustainably funny to me <3

Yet at the same time, “My Lucky Day” is not silly enough to be just shoved aside as a joke act. DoReDoS were *perfectly* cast as the Glam Cougress and her hapless boytoy subjects. Thank God (um, literally?) they went the humourous route. Any difference in performers, approach or staging and “My Lucky Day” falls apart. After years of getting, meticulous, precise, *perfect* ex-Soviet entries, where any form of sentiment is banned, we finally evolve into a world where they have to mime extreme emotion to the point where it circles back into unironic hilarity.

For all the mockery I’ve made for DoReDos though, I also have great respect for them as performers. Moldova as a country doesn’t have much in the way of funding, let alone songwriters they can afford (the only reason F***pp K*****ff bothered with Moldova is because he literally didn’t have anywhere else he could go to) and it’s an uphill battle EVERY year to find an act that fits within their modest budget. In any situation, Moldova are a perpetual underdog.

So while the Senneks of this world burned away their ESC equivalent of White Privilege on an entire Loire Valley worth of wine, DoReDoS rehearsed on a virtually daily basis. I really can’t stress how much respect I have for their work. They HUSTLED hard and got it right.

They EASILY could’ve been Number One Together on this ranking, but God had other plans when He decided to gatecrash during Ieva’s semifinal performance (she could feel His metaphysical presence Ieva wouldn’t lie to me!), so  DoReDoS will be forever Number Two Together and Make the People’s Hindu Princess’ Dream Come True as a BorisBubbles #1 fave. LABIRIDADADARAM DADADARAM DADADARAM

And then there was only One.... We ALL know which one it is, but don’t worry, by the time you’ll have read this entry, I will already have written and queued Ieva’s entry as well. The finale of my 2018 ranking is coming... very, VERY soon :)

[kickassfu]

The Cursed Treasure

This was my contribution to klaroline winter wonderland for the wonderful @honestgrins I’m really happy you liked it ^^ I have to thank @garglyswoof for all of her incredible help on what stuff was missing and what fit or not, @gooddame for helping me out how to end the story and giving me ideas, and @austennerdita2533 for being excited with me lol Couldn’t have done it without u guys!

On AO3 and FF.

The Cursed Treasure

It almost seemed like a choreographed dance, with their feet light and fast, and their swords clashing. A duck here, a feint there, round and round they went, neither of them winning the fight. It mattered not that the ship was being blown all around them, or that the blood of their dying companions seeped into the wood as they kept their focus on each other. She wasn’t about to die over a moment of distraction, and apparently he was even more cold-blooded than she - not a speck of worry etched into his features, but a touch of delight and madness shone through his blue tempest eyes. Somehow in the midst of death and fire, he seemed to be having fun, and if she were to be completely honest, so was she.

“Caroline, the ship is sinking, we need to leave.” her first mate yelled as she stabbed a soldier in the chest, but as much as Caroline would like to leave this hellish wreck, she wasn’t about to turn her back towards him , it would mean instant death.

“Caroline is it? How delightful.” he said, never stopping his attack.

“Captain Caroline Forbes, pleasure to make your acquaintance. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d rather leave the epilogue to this story for another time.” she answered, parrying his sword with style, and smiling all the while.

Taking a step forward, he parried her strikes until her back was against a wall; their faces so close their lips almost touched, he whispered “I’m not very much into leaving things to chance I’m afraid, so I don’t think I’m letting you go so easily. I quite enjoy you love.”

“I apologize, but I don’t feel the same,” she shrugged and headbutted him hard enough he stumbled back, without giving him a chance to get his bearings, a pirate from behind him hit his head with the hilt of his sword knocking him out.

“So being the pirate I am you’ll have to forgive me for not playing fair. Bye, random soldier, you were slightly entertaining.” Caroline said unapologetically, and as she walked away from the sinking ship she blew him a kiss.

XXX

- 3 Years Later -

The bar was full; yelling and cursing abound, pirates and less respectable folk hanged around making their messes and getting drunk - the usual merrymaking with the casual fist fight, after all their blood ran hot and their brains slow. Caroline sat in the corner, drinking peacefully and not minding the usual ruckus - completely alone with her thoughts - although her crew was never too far from her. Some of them were scattered throughout the place always keeping an eye on her - lest she make trouble and the wrong person ended up dead or worse .

Pirating had been her life since she was but a child, thriving in it, loving it. A deadbeat man who happened to be a semi-famous pirate didn’t make for much of a father, but in turn she got a big family - yes, they were pirates, rough and mean, but they loved her as if she was theirs and took care of her when her parents didn’t. It was no wonder she followed their lead, gained as much knowledge as she could and went her own way; some of them sticking with her when she put together her crew, some stayed with her father, and others she had met along the way, becoming as important to her, as any other crewmember. So of course, everyone was protective of their Captain, mostly because she was the one that kept them all together, and for most, their savior and family. They would lay down their lives for her faster than the rum runs out on a pirate’s ship, because they had no doubt she’d do the same for all of them.

So when a man approached her, they all took notice and were ready to jump in, if necessary , but he didn’t seem to care about how they stared at him, and Caroline almost smiled at his carelessness. Not even looking up, she took another sip of rum and ignored him.

“This is a rather glum welcome for someone you almost killed, I think I deserve something a bit more exciting, wouldn’t you say love?”

That voice - she knew that voice - it stuck with her for some unknown reason. The way it coiled around someone’s heart in its fake innocence, and squeezed it until it stopped, was something unforgettable. No matter how brief their encounter had been, she had never managed to shake him off, “I kill a fair amount of people.”

“I bet you do, but it seems you failed to do the same to me.”

Looking up she rolled her eyes, “I wasn’t trying to kill you, if I was I would have stabbed you, but I didn’t . At most, you can say I left you to die.”

“Ah yes, how truly kind of you.”

“The point is moot, you’re alive and well, aren’t you? If you came for a rematch, sorry to say I’m not in the mood.”

“Not at all, I just came to pay a visit. I couldn’t forget you, and now that I’m going to spend more time in your waters, and hopefully will run into you more often, I just thought I needed to pay my respects.” smirking, he winks and mockingly bows, “Goodbye love.”

“Captain Caroline Forbes!” she insists; Caroline wasn’t a fan of the pet names, and she deserved recognition for who she was, and what she had accomplished.

“I would think you’d rather be called Captain Caroline Sparrow , but I guess I was wrong. Not a fan of your dad I suppose, guess we have that in common.”

“Who are you ?”

“I’m Klaus, just a lowly pirate.” he said, walking away, and leaving her in utter confusion.

A navy man turned pirate, and someone that knew who she truly was? Klaus was proving to be more dangerous than she had anticipated, and she was slightly intrigued. Whether he was friend or foe, Caroline would figure out eventually, and if she was being honest she was looking forward to meeting him again. Klaus , a lowly pirate he was definitely not. No worries, they’d meet again.

XXX

“Are you sure this is the right Island?”

After weeks of sailing they had reached their destination. The voyage had been rough; the winds had been against them, the storms almost never ceasing to torment them, and the sea as always, the fickle lover, that gave and took at its whim. It was an enormous Island, - apparently deserted, but you never knew - the trees seemed to engulf the whole island, the sight was slightly terrifying and in part mesmerizing, although the energy surrounding it was ominous and strange. She was sure .

“Yes Bonnie, I’m sure. Believe it or not I can read a treasure map.”, it was a bit old and fragile, but still readable, and Caroline would never make such a rookie mistake.

“It’s not the treasure map I have issues with, it’s that old compass you stole from your dad; it doesn’t even work properly.”

Feeling a little attacked, by how she clung to sentimental things - even if they were pretty useless - Caroline tried to stop that topic of conversation, “You worry too much, you’re a pirate now, live a little .”

“Says the person that likes planning everything perfectly, and gets mad when something’s out of place.”

“I am...flexible.” as Bonnie stared holes into her soul, Caroline gave in, “Fine, I’m just emotionally attached to this compass, and even if it drives me crazy sometimes, I can still work with it.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Bonnie smiled, shrugging at her little confession; after all she knew Caroline better than anyone else, and would always be there to make her see reason when emotions blinded her, and to let her be emotional when she closed herself off. It had been a lonely life, before Caroline had found her, and Bonnie wouldn’t trade the freedom of pirating for anything else.

Rolling her eyes, Caroline changed her attention to all of her crewmates, “Gentlemen, ladies, and all in between, we have reached our destination. This treasure shall be ours for the taking.”

“What about the curse? ”

“Enzo, since when do you care? Besides, every treasure is cursed, precisely because no one wants it stolen.” Caroline answered, not in the mood for superstitions.

“Come on Captain, you’ve seen things, you’ve heard stories, from all those years spent on that ship.”

“Even if that were true, for the one treasure that is actually cursed, there are thousands that are not. So we will be going , you can stay and take care of the ship if it pleases you.”

“As if I’d ever let my dear Captain go to dangerous places without me, who will have your back if not me?” Enzo winked at her, he’d follow her to the end of the Earth if he had to. If not for her, he wouldn’t be alive after all.

“Bonnie, or really anyone else, although I can take care of myself too.” Caroline joked.

“Now you’re breaking my heart.”

“You’ll get over it. Pirates, prepare the boats, we’ll be departing soon.”

XXX

As soon as her feet hit the sand, Caroline felt something was off , and drew her sword instinctively. Her crew, as always, following her lead with no questioning. She went forward carefully, not knowing what could pop up, but feeling certain that something would.

What she wasn’t expecting to see was Klaus - and a few other people she couldn’t recognize as quickly - run away from the forest and towards them, with seemingly no intent to battle them. Everyone seemed afraid of something , but not Klaus, he looked intrigued, almost delighted with the situation. Caroline wasn’t sure what they were running away from, but she wondered if Klaus had a death wish, always finding comfort in the midst of horribly dangerous situations. Not that she couldn’t relate sometimes - to emerge victor when the odds were against you, was an indescribable high.

The sight that followed was something completely unexpected, and for some reason - maybe the absurdity of it all - made Caroline laugh. Skeletons, walking - well, running - skeletons were chasing them, and very effectively killing the slower ones. Her crew stared at her in disbelief and she stopped laughing, grounding her feet and ready to destroy those measly bones.

“Hack away at them, until all their joints are disconnected and they can no longer move. And if that doesn’t work, burn them. If that doesn’t work, well...we’ll go from there, if it comes to that.”

“I was right after all Captain, the treasure is cursed.” even Enzo was surprised by the validity of his concerns.

“If the only curse is the treasure being guarded by bones, we’re in luck, because I am not giving up my bounty for something as silly as this.”

“Aye aye Captain.” they all screamed in unison.

Klaus’ eyes and hers met, and he smiled, knowing that somehow she had his back, and if not, she was welcome to try and stab it. Turning around, he started fighting those monsters once again, only one other person staying behind with him, while the rest of those fools ran away.

“This is the last time I listen to you, I told you this treasure was not to be messed with. I warned you. I even showed you a million better things to steal or do, but no, you have to go where you might be killed. Nik, you’re an idiot.”

“Says my reckless little brother. You still came.”

“I thought if you should die, it must be by my hands.” Kol said ducking, swinging so hard the skull of the thing went flying off.

“Thank you, that’s comforting at least.” Klaus grunted, trying to push off two skeletons from him at the same time.

Cutting an arm off, Kol pivoted out of another monster’s way, taking both of its legs off and then its head. By now he was huffing and puffing, tired of this dance he needed more excitement, something interesting to talk about, “This wasn’t just about the treasure, it was about a girl as well, wasn’t it? The blonde tasty little thing you were staring at? You knew she would be here, and wanted to take her treasure, taunt her, and eventually bed her. Not sure you understand how courtship works, but doing that would probably get you a slap, not sex.”

“Watch your tongue, before I remove it.”, Klaus had been growing more irritable with each word out of Kol’s mouth, and imagined it was his face on the skeleton he was currently skewering and smashing to pieces.

“I’d like to see you try.” Kol taunted, the exhaustion almost ebbing away compared to how much fun it was teasing his older brother.

From the corner of his eyes he could see Caroline swing her sword with incredible accuracy, taking down monster after monster, as if she was almost dancing to the sound of the wind. For a second he got distracted by the vision that was her, and got nicked by the rusty sword of one of the skeletons attacking him, not even flinching he kicked the thing back as hard as he could, and kept fighting. Knowing now wasn’t the time to have his attention stolen by the enigmatic pirate, that consumed his every thought.

XXX

Everyone was exhausted, but things had seemingly calmed down; the monsters seemed to be gone for good - but Caroline was not about to let down her guard, not just yet. It had been surprisingly easy to fight off, and she didn’t trust any of it. Suddenly, all her fears came true; people started falling down, for no apparent reason. She had to be strong, to not show any weakness, she was their Captain after all. It wasn’t easy though, seeing her crew, her family, on the sand groaning in pain. Bending down, Caroline checked Enzo’s forehead, it was deathly hot, once again having to swallow her fear, she then checked for any injuries and lo and behold, a scratch on his neck pulsing black.

“How bad is it?” seeing the look on Caroline’s face Enzo continued, trying to lighten the mood, “Is my face still pretty?”

“Was it ever?” she joked along, smiling in relief. Looking around, she saw Bonnie taking care of everyone she could get to, giving instructions to anyone still standing; getting up she gave two soft slaps on Enzo’s face, “I’ll be back, don’t move.”

“I’ll try my best.”

Bonnie was special , there was a little bit of witch in her and if there was ever any problem, Caroline trusted no one better to figure something out. Pulling her away from everyone, Caroline said, faking optimism “I’m here for some good news.”

“Turn around and come back later, I don’t have any for you.”

“Bonnie.”

“It might be poison, it might be mystical, it’s probably a bit of both, and I need time to figure things out.”

“I don’t think they have much, and I’m not losing anyone. Tell me what to do, and I will get it done.”

“We need to leave. If this is supernatural, it will probably be purged from their body when they get far away enough, and I’ll figure a way to deal with the poison. We shouldn’t stay here any longer.”

“People have died, I am not leaving without that treasure. Grab everyone, put them in the ship and I’ll be back shortly. If I’m not here in half an hour, leave.”

“You’re the Captain, we’re not going to leave you stranded here. You have to come with us.”

“I’m the Captain, and I’m ordering you to follow my orders. Do it, Bonnie.” Caroline said, but couldn’t help but whisper her true feelings, “Please .”

“Fine, if you’re not back in time, you’ll swim back even if it kills you.”

“Sounds about right.”

Hugging her Captain, her friend and family, Bonnie whispered, “ Come back. ”

“I will . Go.”

Readying herself, she took one last look at her crew, and walked into the forest of death. They needed this gold, and by the Gods, Caroline would get it. Curse or no curse, her blood was too strong to die here.

XXX

“I’m not leaving without the treasure.”

“Nik, are you daft? We need to leave, you’re hurt and I’m not carrying your arse out of here.”

“I’m fine, I’m not on the ground am I? I’m going.”

“Well then I’m…” Kol’s eyes caught sight of the most intriguing woman, and his basest desires won out, “sadly, not going with you. It seems my help is needed elsewhere. Good luck brother.”

He felt for the poor soul who had to deal with his brother, but at least it wasn’t his problem anymore. Looking around Klaus saw Caroline leave, and followed her. Maybe he’d leave this cursed island not with one treasure, but two.

Jogging to her side he teased her, “Why would you leave without me love? Thinking of stealing that pesky little treasure for yourself?”

“If it wasn’t for me, you’d be dead by now, some appreciation would be nice. The bounty is mine, and I’ll kill you before you get close to it.” her smile was cold, and razor sharp.

“I just thought it dangerous, you walking around all by yourself, what if more skeletons appear, or god forbid, something infinitely more nefarious.”

“Something like you?”

“I wouldn’t ever dream of hurting you.” Klaus said honestly, and the truth behind his words stunned even him.

“As if I could ever trust you.”, Caroline was a pirate, trusting people came sparingly and with difficulty and Klaus used to be from the navy - her enemy .

“I happen to be a very trustworthy chap, ask anyone.”

“You must think me dumb, but that pretty face of yours won’t fool me.”

“You think I’m pretty?” flirting, he stood in front of her face, - his fingers lifting her chin - inches away from her open lips.

Slapping away his hand, she kept walking, “I think you’re dangerous.”

“Dangerously pretty?” he was fairly certain, that out of the two, Caroline was infinitely more dangerous to him than he could ever be to her, but he still felt the pull to her side and the truth of the matter was that he always was partial to a little bit of danger.

“I would rather be attacked by a dozen monsters than deal with you. You’re exhausting. ”

“Then why are you smiling?”

Caroline hadn’t even noticed she was smiling, “I wasn’t, you’re delirious.” after looking up at him she saw how pale he looked, sweat dripping from his forehead in an unnatural way, “Actually, you do appear quite sickly.”

“I’m fine, we have gold to find, let’s move quicker.” it was his turn to try and change the subject, but he doubted she’d let it go.

“Wait a second.” she grabbed his hand - it was hot, and sweating - and pulled him towards her, reaching up to feel his face, “ You were hurt too .”

“You’re imagining things, sweetheart.”

“I bet I could kill you right now, without breaking a sweat.”

“Is that so? Want to bet?”

Rolling her eyes, she kept walking, “Stop distracting me, I don’t have time to deal with you. If you fall down, I’m not dragging you back with me.”

How could she be worried about someone she hardly knew, someone that could be quite irritating and more than a bit dangerous. It didn’t matter, she would keep an eye on him; just her luck having to take care of someone else when she was tight for time.

They walked in silence for a while, until she spoke up again, “Did you manage reach this far?”

“Now you have time for me again? I’m honored.”

“Ugh, fine.” he sounded like a child sulking, and Caroline was not in the mood to deal with anyone’s tantrum.

“No, we were pretty much attacked as soon as we walked into the forest.” he answered truthfully, his words falling on deaf ears as she was so concentrated on her ancient little treasure map.

“There it is.” Caroline said excitedly, her map never once betraying her expectations. It was a waterfall, behind it there was supposed to be a hidden cave, and then X marked the spot. Going in, both of them got drenched, there were several chests, and for one second she got reckless, and walked forward with her guard down. The ground buckled under her, and suddenly she was falling into a pit full of spikes, until a hand grabbed her arm.

“Careful there, don’t go dying on me before our re-match.”

“You saved me.” she couldn’t believe it; not that he had saved her, but that she wasn’t as surprised as she should be. In the depths of her being, Caroline thought Klaus’ words carried weight and honesty - that he’d never betray her, and that made him even more fatal.

“You sound surprised.” he said strained; his fever had been going up and his strength down since they had begun their little adventure, and only with his willpower he pulled her back out.

Caroline lied, “I still don’t trust you.”

Klaus laughed, of course, even after all this, she - a pirate - didn’t trust him . “How are you going to take all these trunks with you? The most I can take right now, is a few coins.”

“I’ll take what I can, as long as I don’t go back empty handed, I’m fine with it.”

Opening up the chests, - carefully - she filled her pockets as much as she could, and filled her sack as much as she could carry; it was heavy, but she could handle it. Klaus on the other hand, couldn’t carry as much, but still took a pretty good haul. Caroline should be thinking that he’d still find a way to double cross her, and steal her bounty, but she couldn’t even fathom it anymore. She was in trouble.

XXX

He was basically dragging himself along, trying to look strong and failing miserably, trying to keep up with her. Suddenly, Klaus dropped to the floor, and Caroline stopped in her tracks, “Get up Klaus, I told you I’d leave you to die. You’re not doing this.”

He was completely unresponsive, and she considered it, she really did - she was a damn pirate, for Gods’ sake - but she couldn’t go through with it. Dropping her very lovely sack full of gold, - she cried a little - and put his arm around her neck, dragging him along with her.

“I will kill you after this, I promise.”

Caroline reached the beach, and they weren’t there. She had taken too long, and now Klaus would probably die. Throwing him on the sand, she sat next to him. She knew he had to have a ship, but he wasn’t awake, and he obviously didn’t have enough time for her to go look for it, and his cowardly friends might have stolen it anyway, so what was even the point?

Waking up, his insides felt like they were on fire, his head as if it was splitting apart, and he thought this really might be the way that he died - how bland . Still, he noticed Caroline by his side, that she hadn’t left him behind after all and smiled, and that surprised him - she did have a soft spot for him after all.

“Sparrow, I have a dying wish.”

“To die by my hand instead? Because if you call me that again, that’s what will happen.”, she half joked; he was still alive, and all of sudden she didn’t mind him calling her that name, it was inconsequential.

“Being killed by you doesn’t sound all that bad. But no, just one kiss from the most beautiful and fascinating woman, I have ever met.”

“She sounds delightful, I’d love to meet her.”

“Caroline, we both know you’re not against it, so stop pretending. I’m dying anyway, it won’t hurt you.”

She felt for him, and she knew kissing him would hurt her for a multitude of reasons, but she couldn’t let him die without ever tasting his wicked lips, and so she granted his wish. Caressing his fevered face, her lips touched his dry ones; it was soft and kind, as if sending him off to the next world with tender love, and not consuming passion.

She regretted it, as soon as someone cleaned their throats behind them.

“I told her not to interrupt, Nik. That you would rather die in the arms of your lovely angel of destruction, than to be rescued, but I couldn’t stop her.”

“You didn’t think I’d actually leave you behind.”

“Bonnie!” Caroline basically ran into her arms, and hugged her.

“Still in pain over here.” Klaus said; his head hurt even more, now that Caroline had basically let it fall helplessly against the rough sand.

“I’ll help.” Kol said tiredly, picking his brother up.

XXX

- A Few Days Later -

“Are you feeling better now?” Caroline asked, feeling his forehead - it was colder now but still warm.

“I’d feel better if you k-”

“Well, I need to go check on my crew, so you have fun.”

Grabbing her hand before she could leave, Klaus laughed, “I’m just kidding love, we have time for that later.”

“I think you’re still delirious.” she commented, sitting back down on the bed, next to his lying body.

“You enjoyed that kiss as much as I did, Sparrow.”

“That only happened because you were dying.”

“Then I will just have to do that, again, and again, and again, until you can be honest with both of us.” he shrugged unconcerned, near death wasn't as terrifying as not being able to be by her side and bask in her light.

“Good luck with that.” Caroline laughed, wondering if his words rang true, and anticipating his future actions.

Their hands were still linked, and he kissed the back of hers tenderly, “We have time, and we both know you value my life more than you do gold, and you’re a pirate.”

If he was offering, she had no reason to refuse. He was right, she had chosen him; his life had more weight in her heart than the gold she needed, and so returning the favor she kissed his knuckles, “Then from now on your life is mine.”

“It has been since the day you almost killed me.”

[kuchenackerman]

LAWLESS

Summary: Despite his youth, Eren Jaeger is one of the best and most popular doctors of the Kingdom. Among those interested on his services is included a recognized criminal clan, which does not hesitate to use the youngest of the Ackerman as bait. Eren never imagined that this "harmless" girl in red dress would get him into so much trouble, turning his world upside down.

A/N: since I deleted my blog back in March, the “read more” of my old posts is not working anymore, so I decided to re-upload chapters 1 and 2 together to make things easier for anyone who’s interested.

Art by Dani ♥ the full version of Lawless’ cover is here and there’s more related fanart here - I still have to reblog everything again, so the tag will collect more beautiful things done by Dani soon. You can also read the rest of the chapters on FF.net or on AO3

Chapter 1. Crimson

Mikasa hit the wall hard. In spite of it, the coldness of the bricks did little against her accumulated body heat. Today's training had been tough since she had to battle against the stockiest and tallest man at Kenny's service.

Will, who was practically a beast of a man, lay face down on the floor. Blood dripping from his broken nose.

"Is he dead?"

The girl shook her head slightly, without even looking at the man approaching the scene. She needed to catch her breath and calm her heart rate. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with her forearm while she thought that yeah, she could have killed him. The idiot would have deserved it only for trying to be too clever.

"He should be dead, huh?" murmured the man in an expressionless tone, but Mikasa knew him well enough to perceive his simmering anger.

"The fucking pig". Levi turned Will over easily with a foot, without any care at all, so he could check his face. Mikasa had done a good job wrecking that stupid face, the guy was going to look uglier than before. Usually when a training session ended like this, it was because the practice puppets had said something disgusting to her or tried something they shouldn't have.

Although she knew that some of the guys Kenny sent as human punching bags were precisely chosen so she could learn to defend herself under complicated and stifling circumstances; a thing that she no longer considered necessary. She was completely capable of defending herself, and she was fed up with it. With this attack, she's managed to send the message Kenny was expecting her to give.

Because of Will's size, it took more time than usual for Mikasa to knock him out. Levi had wanted to be present at the training, but she asked him to trust in her abilities, and so he did.

"This is the last one of the week, maybe of the month," said Mikasa as she passed him by, walking toward the exit, "Or definitely the last one".

She was dangerous. She was an Ackerman.

"Oi, brat-"

Don't mess with the Ackerman, Kenny used to repeat with a smirk.

"I want to be alone," she cut him off.

Levi followed her with his eyes for a moment, then squinted back toward the subject at his feet. He let out a snort when he noticed the nauseating state of the floor, spotted with blood and rancid sweat. He could even see a few teeth not far away.

The youngest of the Ackermans walked rapidly through the dark corridor, observing that farther ahead Kenny's office door was slightly ajar. She could perceive the dim light of the room and the smell of burnt tobacco. She also heard his snicker and some banging, the tell-tale sound of Kenny's favorite and ridiculous boots landing on the desk.

Mikasa moved cautiously to try and glimpse what was happening inside the office but before she could get to see anything, Kenny had spotted her.

"Oi! Stop sniffing around and get in!"

She issued a little snort; that old man always made her doubt her stealth ability.

Mikasa glanced down at herself. She was still wearing her training outfit and was extremely sweaty. The bandages that covered her knuckles were stained with someone else's blood. In truth, she wasn't even remotely presentable… and in this moment what she most wanted was to take off her clothes, have a bath and read something. She did not want to socialize.

Nevertheless, she felt too much curiosity to simply decline the invitation. It wasn't often that Kenny had visitors—and she could tell he had one now since the door was left slightly ajar. Kenny only did that when he had company. He said it was for the tranquility of the visitor. Supposedly.

In the interior, Kenny smoked from his pipe with his feet rested on the shabby desk, while in front of him sat a handsome, tall and muscular blond man with his hair combed neatly back. As the girl entered the room, the stranger scrutinized her face with intense blue eyes and, after some seconds, gave her a cordial smile.

"Miss, my name is Erwin Smith," he introduced himself, standing automatically so he could offer her his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I'm Mikasa..." she started to introduce herself, glancing at Kenny who nodded with a proud smile. The girl shook the man's hand with less strength than she expected. It seemed that she actually was exhausted. "Mikasa Ackerman."

Erwin Smith noted the dirt and blood on her hands but was not fazed in the least.

"Good," Kenny said, "I just wanted you to know this guy. Go take a shower and do your girly stuff. Whatever. Later we'll talk about tomorrow's mission. It includes a cute dress."

The girl openly rolled her eyes and turned around, saying a polite goodbye to Mr. Smith. She could almost imagine what type of mission it would be.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Doctor Jaeger!"

The young man turned around and noticed a little girl running impetuously towards him. She was carrying some flowers in a fist that she gave to him as soon as she reached him with a light blush, "Many thanks for healing my daddy!"

He smiled and caressed the girl's head, bending down to meet her height.

"You and your mother did all the hard work taking care for him for days. It's because of that he healed so quickly after my visit," he clarified, taking the flowers. "But thank you so much for the gift."

The girl nodded. The admiration and gratefulness reflected in her hazel eyes thrilled Eren, who was now more convinced that he'd never give up his volunteer work in the poorest districts of the Kingdom for a large house in royal grounds.

Despite the frequent offers, he wasn't interested in filling his pockets while exclusively taking care of the noble and high born, and he was not interested in living a quiet and sedentary life. His desire was to travel constantly. To live one month here and a week there, treating the people that couldn't afford to pay one of the few available doctors.

As he boarded the ship that would take him to Mitras, Paradis Kingdom's capital, he was able to see part of the house where he lived during a large part of his childhood. Now another family inhabited it, but he still allowed himself to fantasize that one day he'd knock on the door and he would be welcomed by nothing more and nothing less than his aged parents.

He let out a bitter smile and shook his head… visiting Shiganshina made him nostalgic, sentimental.

Noticing the orange tone of the sky, he realized it was almost time to set sail, so he decided to search among the boat - built for around a hundred people - for a particular blond headed passenger.

He found him easily a moment later. Armin was sitting on a chair, absorbed in his reading, while a fat lady was looking at him disapprovingly. She was standing and there were no more available seats; the trip would take more than two hours.

Eren loudly cleared his throat but he couldn't catch his friend's attention.

"Hey, Armin…" he called.

The blond looked up immediately from his thick book, stood, and approached the brown haired boy, waving at him cheerfully. The lady took her chance and seated herself quickly, an action that Armin barely even noticed.

"Eren!" he greeted him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "I thought you boarded the morning boat and that you were already at Mitras."

"I needed to visit more patients before leaving, you know," Eren replied. "Besides, having to leave Shiganshina so soon for such a stupid reason annoys me, so I just took my time."

Armin nodded and shrugged. He knew Eren wasn't fond of high society's frivolous parties, which he was bound to attend as a courtesy so they wouldn't think he was ungrateful.

"At least I'll be there as your companion, and I'm bringing my chessboard in case you want a rematch after last night's games." The pieces inside clattered playfully as Armin shook the closed board with enthusiasm.

"Armin," Eren groaned and playfully hit him on the arm.

"Ouch! And what else do you want us to do, dance? I d-don't know how to dance, I'll embarrass myself!"

"Historia taught you less than two months ago. You forgot already?" Eren asked while he nonchalantly sat down on the floor. He was exhausted, "I can't give you lessons from now til the night. What are you going to do if one of those daring girls asks you for a dance? It happened to me the last time and I accepted so I wouldn't offend her… unlike the time before that," he complained.

Armin shuddered a little thinking about the possibility.

"I'll ask Historia to hide me in a room or inside a wardrobe before the dance begins", he replied hastily. "That's what I'll do. Or I'll escape to the gardens."

Eren snorted mockingly and shook his head, giving his friend a lopsided smile.

"Crap, Armin. If I knew that you didn't remember how to dance, then I wouldn't have gotten you into this mess." He stared at the sky for a moment and closed his eyes, thinking that maybe he'll take a nap. He needed it. "I'm sorry mate, I'm too worn out to keep talking."

"It's okay, don't worry," Armin replied. "I'll stay by your side and read, and I'll make sure that nobody steps on you while they pass by."

"Mmh… mhh…"

Armin knew that Eren would not wake up even if someone did unintentionally step on him. He always slept soundly since he decided to take the place and responsibilities of his father. The poor boy worked so hard that he could sleep anywhere like a baby.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Wearing tuxedos, both young men arrived in time to present their invitations to the guards, and then to the butlers posted at the entrance hall, who requested they put on masks before going in.

The Reiss's white palace was undeniably magnificent, large and beautiful. In the interior of the ballroom, the vivid colors of the ladies' dresses gave a brilliant contrast to the white marbled floor and pastel toned roses, all part of the elegant decor.

There was food, drinks and flower arrangements on each of the long tables that surrounded the ballroom. Meanwhile, the orchestra performed refined and serene melodies in a kind of domed stage, making the ambience pleasant, despite the noise the conversation of the guests produced.

Armin was captivated and offended at the same time by the opulence, even though it was not the first time he assisted his friend at one of these parties. Eren was talking with a noble men who'd recognized him when they entered and begun talking about things that Eren wasn't remotely interested in.

Meanwhile, Armin decided to walk around in case he found Historia. He hoped to ask her to help him avoid the embarrassment of the dance when the time comes. She would understand.

"I knew that Doctor Jaeger was invited, but I haven't seen him"

Armin heard the voice of a girl, so he stopped his search out of curiosity.

Eren was extremely popular among girls, but he never seemed to be aware of that. He was dedicated to only do his job.

"I haven't seen him either, what a pity," sighed another girl, "He must be looking so handsome, especially today."

"Yes! But with these masks, it's difficult to recognize anyone…"

"True, but at the same time everything is more fun and mysterious, isn't it?"

"Yes, I guess," said the girl that first mentioned Eren, "I wish the doctor asked me to dance with him tonight."

He chuckled to himself. Poor girls; Eren couldn't be less interested in dancing and spending his time with people in a romantic sense.

"Ugh, Historia Reiss is so fortunate. There are a lot of rumors about her and him, like they're going to marry some day or that they're already a couple."

Armin almost spat his drink and, to his bad luck, he caught the attention of the girls. He coughed dramatically for a few seconds, pretending to be sick, so the girls moved away so as not to catch the flu, or whatever that stranger had.

Beside him, a pale girl dressed in a red gown and mask offered him a serviette. She wore her black hair combed into a high bun.

"Oh, t-thanks!"

She gave him a small, pretty smile, framed with crimson lips.

"I saw you arrive with Doctor Jaeger, but I lost sight of him a few moments ago," she commented point-blankly to him. "Everything was the fault of an old moneybag who decided it was a good idea to offer me money in exchange for a kiss."

Armin raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

She nodded, looking at him directly with her dark and deep eyes through the rabbets of her mask. Even if he couldn't see much of her face, she had to be a very, very beautiful girl. Armin couldn't help but to look at her cleavage unconsciously.

"Do you have any idea of where doctor Jaeger is?" she asked smoothly. "I'm dying to meet him…"

Armin looked up immediately and scouted for Eren in the crowd. He could see him talking with Historia near a thick marble pillar.

"He's there, with Historia Reiss, see?" Armin replied, pointing in their direction. "I don't know if it would be appropriate to interrupt them. After all, she's a princess and - Hey!"

The mysterious girl in the showy, red dress left him speaking alone. When she was about to reach the place where Eren and Historia were, Armin saw her trip. Several of the attendees that were near exclaimed upon seeing her fall and some men rushed to help her but Eren reached her first.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Mikasa let out a small cry of pain before hearing Eren Jaeger ask her if she was okay. He helped her to stand up carefully, while Historia Reiss gave him indications to help the poor girl to seat near there and to verify that everything was fine.

"Eren, please accompany and examine her," the heir of the Reiss family directed. "I'll be back in a few minutes, my father wants me to meet some people… Miss, I hope you're alright!" she said to Mikasa before leaving with an apologetic look.

"Are you alright? Does anything hurt?" Eren asked her while he took off the stupid mask.

For a moment, Mikasa felt a slight unease when she was directly confronted with his large, worried, emerald eyes.

"No… the truth is that I don't feel fine," she murmured, bringing a hand to her head. "I think I need a bit of fresh air. I'm feeling dizzy."

"Okay, I'll help you to the terrace. Can you walk properly?"

The girl moaned when she put her right foot on the floor, so Eren held her by the waist and helped her to move. Since the night was cold, the terrace was empty when they arrived.

"Come, let's sit here for a moment," he said while he helped her onto a stone bench. "Please, let me check your ankle." Eren crouched down and carefully took one of her heeled shoes off. His delicate brush made Mikasa blush and she involuntarily dodged a new touch. "Does it hurt here?"

"A bit," she lied, averting her gaze.

"It could be a mild sprain," he pointed out, and in that instant he noticed that the girl's shoulders were bared.

Mikasa watched as Eren took off his jacket and gently placed it around her shoulders.

"You said you have dizziness, did you drink much?"

"Nothing at all."

"Any possibility of being pregnant?"

"What? No!" she almost yelled.

Eren blinked in surprise. "It's okay, I was just asking. It seemed like you passed out, and because of that you lost your balance and fell."

Eren remembered that when he was talking with Historia, she told him that there was an elegant girl dressed in a red gown coming to where they were, so he followed the blonde's gaze but, in that same moment, the girl in the red dress tumbled over just before them.

"I certainly didn't feel well. There's a lot of people and noise inside, and that's a bit suffocating to me," said the young lady aside him. She took off the crimson mask, "But I feel better already. Thanks," she smiled at him slightly.

The boy nodded slowly, contemplating her delicate features and how the darkness of her eyes stood out in contrast with the snowy tone of her skin. Weirdly, it seemed to him that it wasn't the first time that he saw her. He wasn't sure if he had seen her at another of those parties or in another place.

Maybe in the streets.

Maybe a long time ago.

Eren couldn't remember when, nor where, he just knew that those features weren't common and were difficult to forget. He was about to ask her if they'd met before, but then realized that he'd forgotten to ask her something.

"Oh! By the way, what's your name? I'm Eren. Eren Jaeger."

The mysterious girl let out a little bitter smile. It lasted only a moment and was almost imperceptible, but he managed to see it.

"I know perfectly well who you are, Eren Jaeger," she snapped coldly, in a different tone compared to the one she'd used since the beginning. Her face was now stoic, "My name is Mikasa," she informed, somewhat reluctantly.

"… Mikasa?" even though in this instant he wasn't able to think straight, he had the faint thought of recognizing that name.

But then a penetrating sickly-sweet smell filled nostrils. Mikasa moved closer and embraced him, leaning her head on one of his shoulders. The action surprised Eren, making him open his mouth slightly to take a deep breath of adulterated air that only confused him further.

"I'm sorry, Eren," he heard Mikasa whisper in his ear. She covered his nose and mouth with a handkerchief, soaked with a substance that he realized was the source of the smell.

As soon as he lost consciousness, Mikasa did a quick whistle after which a man of short stature came out of hiding behind some bushes.

"Finally," he complained sourly while approaching her.

She simply squinted her eyes, took off her shoes and hastened to follow him.

Levi carried Eren on one shoulder as if he weighed nothing.

Chapter 2. Abduction

After waiting for the two guards that patrolled the area to move far enough away, Mikasa and Levi hurried until they reached an elegant carriage parked near a zone of lush vegetation.

Several meters ahead, the access' sentinels were trying to politely reason with three provocative women. They stubbornly insisted that they were invited to the party, although they lacked an invitation that could prove it and they weren't even wearing appropriate wardrobe for the occasion.

The coachman raised an eyebrow when he noted that Levi was carrying someone who didn't offer any resistance.

"Is that one dead? Injured?" the coachman whispered with some concern and glanced at the guards, who were distracted with the prostitutes that he himself brought to the Palace.

"Shut up and make these horses move their asses," said Levi seating at his side, after he deposited Eren Jaeger inside the carriage. Mikasa was boarding it at that moment.

Levi was dressed similarly to the man who held the reins of the horses.

"It's just that I would not want him to... stain the upholstery," the coachman insisted, anxious.

"Don't fuck with me, your upholstery is already disgusting," Levi glanced at him reproachfully and then turned around. "Mikasa, I left you a change of clothes in there."

The aforementioned just nodded, forgetting for a moment that Levi couldn't see her from the outside.

"Okay," she answered, absorbed while she stroked the silky red cloth that covered her legs.

Mikasa liked the dress a lot. She felt so, so feminine wearing it. She loved the entire outfit, it was beautiful. The dark shoes, the red dress and her intricate high hairstyle.

She almost felt like a lady. Almost, because of lady she had nothing, even with that outfit she could only pretend to be one. Besides, she could never get used to wearing high heels. She had only been wearing them for a short while and already her feet were becoming resentful.

"Have a good night, gentlemen!" she heard the coachman say merrily, probably to the sentinels. She didn't hear Levi say anything, as expected.

Mikasa tried to take a look at the unconscious boy in front of her, who she laid down on the wide seat. It was difficult to visualize details in midst of a darkness to which her sight wasn't adjusted yet. Anyway, it was evident that the irregular movement of the carriage made Eren's head bounce rhythmically on the worn padding, so Mikasa knelt beside him and put a little pillow under his head.

It was then when she realized that he was just wearing a white shirt and a black tie, since she still had his black jacket on her shoulders. When she removed the garment, she was invaded by a fetching and musky scent. Instinctively, Mikasa brought the fabric to her nose and inhaled softly to perceive a citric vestige, at the same time that she closed her eyes. The fragrance transported her to the past, to the times in which the sensation of security, tranquility and naïve happiness were a constant in her life… When she still lived with her parents.

The carriage took a leap and the shaking pulled her out of her little lethargy. She quickly covered Eren with the jacket and verified that he was still asleep. She paid special attention to his measured breathing. Everything seemed to be all right.

The girl caressed for a last time the lustrous fabric that clung to her waist - it loosened under her hips and its length didn't get to cover her ankles.

After a listless sigh she proceeded to unbutton her back, not without some difficulty.

"Fucking buttons" she murmured to herself, since the last pair to unbutton was giving her problems.

The front side of the dress had fallen and it no longer exerted any pressure on her naked torso, so she just turned the dress to finish undoing everything. She didn't want to unintentionally damage it. Thankfully, her sight had adjusted to the dim light and she managed to smoothly solve the problem.

Suddenly she realized the boy was moving, so she immediately covered herself with her arms and glanced at him, distressed, because he seemed to have his eyelids half open. She approached him, ready to punch him and knock him out, but Eren didn't even try to dodge the fist that remained just a few centimeters from his nose. To Mikasa's relief he was still unconscious, as it should be. She grabbed his jacket and covered his whole face anyways, just in case.

Maybe Eren Jaeger was that kind of weird person that slept with their eyes open.

Meanwhile, the girl finished removing the dress and quickly put on a shirt, sweater and black pants.

They arrived late-night to an area of small houses located near the border of Orvud, a district to the north of Mitras. The full moon lit the dusty entrance of the structure, next to which a man with a wrinkled face was sitting wrapped in a blanket. When he saw Mikasa get out of the carriage, he showed her a smile that was missing some teeth.

"Good night, missy," he saluted her with a nod of his head.

"Good night, Arnie," she answered with some kindness. "Have you had supper?"

"Yeah, a jug of wine and a delicious chicken!"

"Good," she smiled slightly at him and her stomach rumbled at the mention of food. She had not had time to eat at the Reiss' party, let alone drink anything. She was famished.

Inside the small house, she proceeded to give a series of rhythmic knocks on a part of the wall that happened to be a camouflaged door between two furnishings and behind a small table, on which there was a plate with chicken bones and a clay jug.

The door opened with a squeak and from the other side they were received by the ever serious Tom, a bald man with a black moustache and beard. Since Levi was carrying Eren, Mikasa allowed him to go in first. She went down the deteriorating steps and followed him through the poorly illuminated tunnel - with soil floor and rock walls - until they ran into an iron door already opened and flanked by two men as silent as the first one.

As they passed the entry, to their left it was possible to hear some hysterical laughter, banging on tables and an out of tune man singing with extreme emotion.

Both Levi and Mikasa rolled their eyes and turned in the opposite direction, to a short corridor, in which they soon reached a thick metal and dark wood door.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Eren slowly opened his eyes.

Stunned, he realized that he was sitting on a chair with armrests, to which his wrists were tied. His ankles were tied to the forelegs of the chair.

What…?

No, he wasn't even dreaming.

But, what the hell? He thought, irritated.

He tried to look around. It was a small room, with a bed stuck to the left wall, while the opposite wall was less than a meter away from him. He turned his head and at his back he could notice that on a bedside table there was a candle, barely illuminating the place.

In front of him there wasn't much he could see, since his own body blocked what little light there was, but the entrance to the room should have been in that direction. It was a windowless room, narrow and long, and there was at least two more meters of it onward.

This shit again, Eren frowned and felt how the rage overpowered him.

An abduction.

"Another damn time!" he complained, clenching his teeth while he stirred on the chair trying to loosen the ropes.

"We hope this is the last time"

Eren stilled immediately upon hearing the soft feminine voice, without putting much attention to the spoken words. He had thought he was alone.

His surprise didn't last long though, because the annoyance of being in his present situation came back. Realizing that it was the voice of that girl infuriated him even more.

"Mikasa," he pronounced her name in a tone tinged of rage. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? What kind of game is this?"

She had deceived him. She had taken advantage of his goodwill and concern. She had taken him for an idiot.

The girl didn't answer so Eren insisted, making a poor attempt to control his anger.

"Where am I?" demanded the boy. "What do you want from me?"

From one moment to another - and to his bewilderment - Mikasa was standing just in front of him, sudden like the attack of a viper. Eren would have fallen back from the shock if he wasn't tied to a chair.

Mikasa stood without saying or doing anything other than staring at him, expressionless. The only thing that moved was the orange dancing flame reflected in her dark eyes. Her pale and perfect face, now without makeup, almost seemed like an alabaster modeled statue. The ebony hair surpassed her shoulders by several centimeters.

"You're in the Ackerman's residency" she informed him, monotonous.

Eren's eyes went wide and felt his heartbeat suddenly altered.

He recalled the smile and the teasing tone of Kenny Ackerman, the tall and skinny man about whom he had heard tales during his childhood - Kenny the Ripper. The strong and ruthless assassin that nearly three decades ago had blood stained the streets of the wealthy and safest neighborhoods of the Kingdom.

It seemed to Eren that he could smell the tobacco stink that characterized Kenny, so he closed his eyes and pressed his eyelids together hard for a while, reliving the deep terror he felt as a child upon learning the identity of his kidnapper.

"But… but my father is dead. The dead can't make deals," he murmured, half opening his lost eyes.

Mikasa was gone, camouflaged again in the shadows of the room.

"We know that," she stated, feeling a sadness that she tried not to show on her voice, even though Eren could barely hear her.

Doctor Grisha Jaeger had been the first person she met apart from her parents, and he had always been very kind to her. On one occasion, he told her that he had a son that was about her same age, and that his name was Eren.

The last time the doctor had visited her home, he had promised her that he would bring his son with him in his next visit, so they could know each other. So they could be friends.

It never happened.

"What does Kenny Ackerman want from me?" Eren asked, jaded.

He was sidelong glancing towards the shadows, frowning.

"For you to work with us," Mikasa replied simply.

"Ha! Come on…" the green eyed boy scoffed, "You can have me abducted any time you want, even torture me or kill me. Whatever, I refuse to collaborate with a group of murderers, with a pack of beasts disguised as humans."

Eren heard the squeak of rusty hinges and then a thud of wood against wood. Mikasa had left the room, but he didn't hear her locking the door or running a latch.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Mikasa found Levi in the kitchen. He was drinking tea in silence near a counter.

"What are you doing here?" Levi asked her after taking a long sip.

"I just came to look for something for him to eat and drink."

"Tch, that's not how things work."

The man looked at the girl as she poured water into a glass and put a large piece of bread next to a slice of cheese on a plate.

"It doesn't matter," she said.

When Mikasa returned to the room she found that Eren had diagonally fallen with the chair on the edge of the bed. He glared at her furiously from his ridiculous position and she struggled to contain the laughter. His fury in this context didn't daunt anyone but it was rather funny.

The poor boy must have been shaking in the chair like crazy trying to release himself during the time she left him alone.

"Are you hungry?" Mikasa passed him by and put the things she brought on the bedside table.

"No," Eren groaned "I don't want anything from you."

Ignoring his anger, Mikasa moved behind him and returned the chair to its normal position without major effort. Seconds after she started to untie his hands and feet in complete silence. As soon as Eren was released, he ran towards the door, but Mikasa promptly took him by his wrist, put a hand on his back and slammed him against the wall.

"Don't try anything stupid," she warned, as she bent his arm behind his back.

"And what… do you want me… to do?" Eren questioned with some difficulty, since he has his stomach and his chest pressed against the wall, plus half of his face. That girl was strong. "Do you want me… to stay seated… and chill?"

"Yeah," she said, releasing him.

Eren turned around rubbing his cheek as he glanced at her warily.

"I know I didn't had the chance to go further that door," he admitted out of humor, leaning himself on the wall as he crossed his arms.

"Good."

Eren just wanted to try complicating things a bit, to show her that he wouldn't surrender so easily. Whatever. So he leaped on the girl, but she dodged him with ease.

All of a sudden, Eren's feet had left the ground and - from one moment to another - he had fell on the bed. He sat on the mattress immediately and gazed at Mikasa, dumbfounded.

She was far faster and far stronger than him.

"Good night," Mikasa said as she nonchalantly settled a strand of hair behind her ear.

She was a weird and certainly conceited girl.

This time, Eren heard her lock the door from the outside. He brought his hands to his head, exasperated, then pressed a pillow to his face so he could suffocate a yell full of anger and desperation.

He didn't know when he fell asleep, but he was woken up by the annoying smell of tobacco. A bit disoriented, Eren pinched his nose and sat up on the bed.

"Nice shirt and tie," Kenny said, sitting on the same chair Eren had been tied up in the night before. Behind him, the door was open and an orange light streamed in from the hallway. "So much time living under the wing of the Reiss people has given you a taste for refinement, huh?"

Eren frowned without saying a word. Kenny had more wrinkles on his face now, but he was wearing almost the same outfit he wore the first time he met him, including his stupid boots and his black hat.

"I see Mikasa treated you well," the Ripper said, noticing the untouched water and bread. A teasing tone was palpable on his voice, "You can't rely too much on teenagers."

The leader of the Ackerman took out a curved knife from inside his jacket and nonchalant started to play in a skillful way with it. The light flashed on the edge of the blade.

"So?" he said to the young man, "Don't you have any questions to ask?"

"No. You all can go to Hell," Eren blurted with a defiant look.

Kenny laughed out loud for a while, until he stood up and took Eren by the collar of his shirt, dragging him off the bed.

Kenny held him up with one hand. The boy struggled.

"You're gonna live and cooperate with us, whether you want to or not."

He dropped Eren to the ground when he realized that he could barely breathe. As Eren coughed, Kenny threw him a small yellowing envelope that fell on his lap.

"He asked me to protect you, among other stuff," Kenny informed. "Obviously, in exchange I want you to treat my men whenever they're injured or when they fall ill… And I want you to give me some information," he added the last sentence with a lopsided smile.

"Him?" Eren questioned, confused. He took the envelope with his free hand while rubbing his throat with the other one.

Who the hell was he talking about? And to protect him from what or whom? Because, if there was anyone you needed protection from, it was from Kenny and his criminal association.

"Read the damn letter. I'll come back later."

Eren approached the light of a new candle on the bedside table, which someone must have changed while he was sleeping. He carefully extracted a piece of folded paper from the inside of the envelope, and his eyes widened as he recognized the calligraphy of his father.

N/A: Thank you so much for reading! If you like it, please reblog and/or leave some feedback on FF.net or on AO3, where you can read more chapters of Lawless. Comments/Reviews are highly appreciated :’) - feedback in general is the best thing! 

[theparaminds]

Aimless. Drifting. Wandering. All words that summarize the fleeting moments before adulthood. For James Ivy, these words summarized the state he used to exist within. Yet now, he finds himself engulfed by the musical clarity he has continuously sought for. Finally, he is free from personal shackles and able to become an artistic individual of the most vulnerable and honest degree.

He admits himself that much of his music is aimed at conjuring up past nostalgia. But this is not simply so one can become reminiscent, no, it is also so that one becomes reflective. In the same way he’s had to trace his life and express the difficulties within his growth, he asks all to do the same. To find the voice tucked away behind walls of self-doubt. Of course, this is also in the pursuit of creating new memories, ones which are even greater than the past.

James Ivy isn’t just making music, he’s truly building a sonic landscape of understanding and expression. One that’s a warm hug on a cold day and a calming reassurance that all will be ok. It’s an environment where no mask is to be worn and where all can bare the depths of their souls without fear. It’s a freedom that all desire, and that all deserve. And if you were to currently summarize James and that landscape, you would simply say; hopeful, passionate and visionary.

This interview was recorded live in New York.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been?

Good man, the day’s going good. I had class this morning and it's the last week of school before spring break. I’ve been just laying low a bit and, ya know, just living day by day.

To begin, one of my favorite things about you is your thigh tattoo of Bloo from Foster’s Home. When did you decide you were going to get that and what is the significance of Bloo to you?

I was always a big Cartoon Network stan. Disney channel not really, maybe some Nickelodeon, but Cartoon Network I always watched non-stop as a kid. I used to watch Foster’s Home a lot with my dad. I guess I don’t really care too much about the meanings of my tattoos, I have a house on my arm and it's just like a house, not really much more, just a cool house. The Bloo thing was sorta a spur of the moment where I was visiting friends in Austin, Texas and my friend Luke had just gotten the three line super S from when you're a kid on his arm, as kind of like a joke. And I was like, fuck, maybe I should get one. They egged me on and I just jumped to Bloo from Fosters’. They made it way bigger than I thought they were going to, and it was a super thick line too and hurt like hell. I mean, I guess what I told my parents was that in the show Bloo was the one imaginary friend that was never gonna be adopted because the kid who made him up, never stopped believing in him. So it’s a little corny but it is a cute sentiment about never losing your child side and your imagination.

While growing, what else was it around you and coming throughout your life that was impacting your personal, but more so artistic, development?

I guess I started piano lessons when I was 6 with my mom, and my dad was helping me get into sports at the same time. I learned for 6 years on and off and I was better when I was younger, having lost some the skill. But it gave me a basic understanding of music theory. I listened to a lot of music growing up. Some of it was trash because I didn't have an older sibling to show me the way. My dad showed me bands like Genesis, Yes and Rush. Bands like that. My mom showed me New Order and a lot of new wave dance music. So it was a weird mix of shit, but I ultimately started getting into hip hop and a lot of post-hardcore music. I think that has been the most shaping music to me as an artist which is kinda crazy because  I almost resent it in a weird way. I wish I had been brought up listening to the classics because I had to find all that on my own. I started producing when I was around 13 or 14 years old.  My older cousin showed me a Skrillex song at a wedding in Florida for one of our relatives,  and I just remember being like “holy shit this is nuts.”. I didn’t have an in-depth understanding of electronic music at the time, but when you’re young and impressionable, anything that’s new or different sort of entices you. I got into producing electronic music and had some fun with it, but as I got older it wasn’t really creatively fulfilling. It's been a weird journey for sure and I still feel I’m learning and catching up in some regards.

But how would you reflect upon the past year specifically and the challenges and growth you’ve gone through currently compared to those of a younger you?

I really feel that since coming here to New York I’ve had some of the best experiences of my life. I met some of my best friends in my life. I feel like through the people I’ve been around, I’ve become directly inspired by them. Being in an environment where you have friends who are into music the same way you are, not just over the internet, it's amazing because you grow together and it has become exponential the way we have been growing as artists. I even look at the stuff I was doing with Harry freshman year and I thought it was the best shit ever, and now we realize how far we actually have come. It's exciting.

In your honest opinion, what is the greatest album ever created or at least one you have been constantly coming back to?

Phewwww. Putting me on the spot. It changes all the time, and I definitely can't speak for the best ever created from an objective view. There’s this Dance Gavin Dance record that I’ve been listening to since I was a kid, so I guess I have nostalgia glasses on for it. It’s called Downtown Battle Mountain 2.  If I were to name one album that I’ve heard since coming to college that has been my favorite, it would be Heaven or Las Vegas by the Cocteau Twins. I can’t believe I was sleeping on that album for so long.. A lot of the writing on that record still blows my mind when I listen to it.

Going into these next months, where are you trying to steer your creative vision towards and what are you trying to say with some of the new work you're putting out?

A lot of my writing recently has been a real process for sure. I'm still learning every day and trying to improve. For a while, I was testing myself to write lyrics that are simple on paper but that can be impactful in context of the instrumental surrounding it. Some of my favorite artists, like American Pleasure Club and Dijon, have lyrics that aren't overly complicated but hit home for some reason. I think that's what I was shooting for. But more recently, I’ve been trying more to construct lyrics that mean a lot to me, because for a while I got into a bad habit of detaching from the music a little bit and creating stuff that was for other people, so to speak. A lot of the new stuff is based on memories for me. I want songs to sonically sound like memories that I have. There are certain songs for me that are places and events and time frames in my life, and capturing that nostalgia and bringing it into a form that’s tangible is what I’m trying to accomplish.

What was then some of your personal best memories growing up and why do they mean so much to your life?

The summer of 8th grade. Being on my bike and being a kid freely every single day. I grew up in a suburban town in New Jersey so there’s not much to do besides biking around going to the school to play basketball and swim in people’s pools. That was so fun.  The bliss you can experience during that period of childhood innocence is hard to emulate that at any other point in our lives. Summer before college is another really great memory in my head. It’s sorta like how you feel in middle school, but you’re way older, and it’s a lot different. It’s more coming of age shit that’s happening then.

Then would you say you create for yourself as a personal reflection and therapy and just see the way others take it as an afterthought?

I think it varies song to song. I think my stance on it is from this quote that said that there comes a time after you put out your music that it no longer is only yours. I think that's the best way to put it. There are songs that I can’t listen to anymore that I made, but seeing other people resonate with them means a lot, even if I can’t relate to that song anymore. But seeing other people enjoying it is the best feeling. For a while, I couldn’t even comprehend that people were enjoying my music, so when you really see that in action it’s like a dumbfounding feeling. There’s a youtube video of ‘Boxcutter’ and everyone's just telling their life stories in the comments and seeing that is such a trip. I feel like a lot of songs I write quick are therapy songs, like Sick 1999. I find with those I write a sort of stream of consciousness. I wrote Sick after a super raw and emotional moment in my life. I just sat 30 minutes later and wrote it and released it later that night. That's therapy because you're not sick of it yet by killing yourself going through the mixing processes and editing process and scrutinizing every detail. You just did it and you have to sit with it. It's cathartic. If it can help people also that's amazing.

As well, what are some of the goals and overall plans you hope to see through with your new work?

I’m stoked for this year. I’m finishing songs right now that have been in the works since last summer. Some of them have been as recent as last week. I’m just stoked to finish everything and I’ll just be able to release it. I don't want to set anything in stone but there will be music on the way. I also want to start creating more music videos, working on my live show more and really stepping back into the radar again after taking some time to figure out my sound. And then just roll from there.

Do you hope in the rest of your life to touch on other forms of art and into new avenues of music that you may not have thought of currently?

With music, I’d definitely love to try every part of the process. For example, for a while I didn't like my voice and tried to have someone else do it, but I couldn’t imagine that and had to push through the fear. I like having my hands in the creative process so I feel like I want to do everything. Whether that’s directing music videos for my songs that I have concepts for or even just cinematography and editing would be so exciting. I would love to take my music into scoring and films as a long term dream. I just want to be able to create and feel inspired by the world every morning. That's the ultimate goal.

If you could have any one individual, living or dead, come back and critique your music, who would you choose and why them?

Man. I feel like right away my mind goes to Rick Rubin. I just feel like it’s like, “That's the guy who listens to things and tells you what exactly to do!” I’m not sure if it's him definitively, though. I would love to hear what Justin Vernon would have to say or even like Kevin Parker to be honest.

You mentioned for a minute the opportunity of doing live shows. When you do explore that avenue more, how do you hope to make it personal to you and make it a worthwhile experience?

I just want people to have a good time and for them to jam out and dance their asses off. So, I’m trying to make music that’s danceable. I want to recreate the song as best to my ability while also incorporating live instruments. I really want to move forward with having a live band for the upcoming shows, while also incorporating some of the electronic and digital elements that can’t be recreated with an instrument live. I would hate for people to hear my music and come to my show and be like, this isn't as fun as the record. I just want my live show to be fun and I think right now that's what I’m focused on above all. I think performance art is also something I would love to incorporate later down the line, to see it become more cinematic as well. For now, I’m just trying to make it sound tight as fuck.

If you could play a show in one situation or location, where the money isn’t a question, where would you choose?

I don’t know really, maybe Mars? Call up Space X, like “Elon, send me to Mars so I can play the first set on another planet.”

As an overall, what do you want to be the landmarking importance of James Ivy when it’s all said and done? What do you want the first line of your Wikipedia page to say?

I want it to say: ‘James Ivy, the first Asian American artist to ever ‘do it’. Of course, there are a lot of upcoming artists like Joji and Mitski and Yaeji, but I think there's more room for Asian American representation within this scene as a whole. Anyone can do it now, literally, and I don't want to be defined by the way I look to not do something and I think other kids should be able to see someone who looks like them on stage.  And if I could do that for other kids, it would be the best thing, really.

Would you say then, the whole part of it is showing there’s no limit on creativity and art as a whole?

It’s something that I want to prove to myself. Something I’ve wanted for a while and it’s something I’ve wanted really bad. Part of it is proving it to myself, that I can do this and that pre-existing barriers don’t matter. Through that, you also prove it to others and I think that’s essential. At the end of the day, I would just be happy to live off music, but to be an inspiration for others in that position would mean the most.

Do you have anyone to shoutout? The floor is yours...

All my friends in New York: Harry, Caleb, Ally, my boys since freshman year. Shoutout to Been Stellar. Shoutout to Instupendo, Maxwell young, Stupidrichkid. They're all doing such great things. And shoutout to my friends from Texas, they know who they are and they’ve helped me a lot. And shoutout to Paraminds, man, thanks for letting me do this interview.

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Photos by Drake Li

Words and Interview by Guy Mizrahi

[wild-stdreams]

45 - 50 for hazel, 1-6 for matty and 30-35 for maisie?

Ah thank you love!! I’m gonna put this under the cut b/c it’s probably going to be long (hehhh)

HAZEL :: 

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?I think a lot of people see Haze as small and… fighty. And I would say that they’re 100% correct, and Haze is under no illusions about who she is in terms of her personality - but she has some major questions about who she is as a supernatural being and where she sits on the good to bad scale. 

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?She doesn’t always make a great first impression no, she’s got a bit of a resting bitch face that she obviously can’t really do much about cause she’s absolutely not prepared to put on a fake smile constantly just to please others. I’d say her first impression doesn’t reflect her 100% accurately, cause she is, in general, a nice/good person, but it also doesn’t portray her as someone she’s not - she can be stand off-ish and she’s not an overly friendly person, she’s just neutral really. A pretty basic introduction like “Hey, I’m Hazel” no more, no less. Not a big hugger, except for people she’s comfortable around. 47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?Awkward Awkward Awkward. Word vomit galore, saying things she absolutely did not mean to. I think she’d kick up a fuss about having to wear a fancy dress but secretly kinda love looking completely different for a while - but she’d never tell anyone that. Especially not Laurel who would have her in heels and skirts constantly if she had her way. 

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? Hazel enjoys a good house party as much as the next teenager. Not a lot of organisation would go into making the plans to attend a party, but if she were to throw one herself she could always count on Laurel to do the organising for her. Hazel’s pretty used to being dragged to parties by her cousin, and sometimes Matty. But there’s often not a lot of reluctance involved in this ‘dragging’ as such. 

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?Probably anything that belonged to her dad really. She can be sentimental, yeah. She sleeps in her dad’s old shirts, and keeps a bottle of his cologne in her bedside cabinet. There isn’t anything she has to take everywhere with her though. 

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?I actually already wrote this a little bit in a prompt that is actually most likely going to feature towards the end of Paroxysm… Essentials to Hazel are literally just the essentials - clothes, underwear, toiletries etc. And a phone, duh, she is a millennial. But going back to the last question, one of her dad’s shirts at least would be in there. 

MATTY ::

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?Matilda Prescott (one of the few characters of mine who doesn’t actually have a middle name) I’m gonna go with why I chose it and not why her parents might have done - I’ve always loved the film Matilda, and my mum actually wanted to name me Matilda before I was born. It means “might/strength in battle” basically, and that’s exactly the kind of person Matty is - someone you can rely on when times are tough. I love really girly names that can be shortened to a boy-ish nickname like I have an OC called Cressida, who goes by Sid. 

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?Not officially, no… other than the standard Miss. She gets called Man-eater by Spencer when he’s being particularly annoying, because she’s a Succubus. 

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? For the most part, yes, Matty had a good childhood. Other than her parents divorce when she was twelve which would be the bad memory, but she came to view it as a good thing because she could see how much happier her parents were apart compared to them being miserable together. A good memory would be working with her dad and cousin in the workshop at Prescott Motors. 

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? I think I lowkey covered part of this in the other question buuuut to expand, Matty is closer to her father than her mother and when they split she’d spend the week with her dad and visit her mum on the weekends/the odd weeknight. Her mum has since remarried and had another daughter, who Matty babysits every other week or so. She loves her mum and half-sister, and gets along well with her step dad but no-one compares to her dad.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?Her half-sister is two and her name is Erin. Matty enjoys spending time with her but she’s lowkey glad she doesn’t have to live in the same house as her permanently - kids are exhausting.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?Matty is really smart, and has very good grades - except of course when Alderdale descends into chaos at which point all of the ~gang~’s grades slip due to being a little busy fighting off Abraham and Eris and their terrible awful plan etc… bit time consuming, y’know? She loves English, History and Chemistry. She’s not a big fan of Math(s)(that’s confusing cause Matty would call it math, but in the UK we call it maths). She’s only in high school still, but I can see her definitely going off to college. 

MAISIE ::

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?Other than running around as a wolf… and gym class at school, not really. She’s not totally against it and does enough to keep fit, but she’s not majorly into exercising, she does like the bare minimum to get by. She enjoys running from time to time, post-work out she definitely wants to just chill out with a cold drink.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?No absolutely not she’s underage in America like whaaat.. no of course, like most teenagers do she’ll have a drink at a party. She’s a total blabbermouth when drunk (like a lot of people) and loves to dance. Hungover she is just really quiet, needs to consume all the junk food she can find and sit in a dark room. She’s such a caring person that she’d be running back and forth getting whatever someone hungover needed like “do you need another glass of water?” “shall i make you some food?” “do you want me to put netflix on?” 

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?Jeans and oversized tees are Maisie’s go-to, cute knitwear, lots of pastel colours. Either vans or a pair of ankle boots. She is partial to a skirt and a nice top on occasion, but most of the time she just likes to be comfy. She wears PJs - mostly shorts and a top, sometimes just an oversized top if it’s particularly warm. Maisie wears makeup most of the time, yeah. Nothing extravagant though just the basics like concealer, mascara, a bit of blush and some highlighter etc. Her hair is long, dark and very shiny. Never been dyed. 

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?Mostly cotton… she owns a few nice pairs but really underwear is the last thing on her mind.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?Slender, slightly athletic but no major muscle definition. She’s relatively small at five foot four. She has the usual hang-ups that a teenage girl has about her body, but she does her best to embrace it and love it for what it is.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? I honestly don’t think Maisie really has a guilty pleasure, she’s a pretty honest and open person (for the most part… lol catch her keeping some major secrets in paroxysm) but like about herself, she doesn’t really lie or hide anything. She was a major One Direction fan back in the day… and definitely didn’t hide it despite Hazel’s constant complaints ( “stop playing that awful boyband crap immediately Maiz, before I throw your iPod out the window”)

[closetofanxiety]

Nitromare: Three men make a terrible decision

I haven’t been posting here much because Hakujinjoe is visiting from Japan and we’re roaming around New England. For some reason, we decided to watch every episode of Monday Nitro during the Vince Russo-Ed Ferrara Era, starting with the very first one on October 18, 1999. Mark has joined us on this terrible journey, as he is not afraid to endure the worst 1990s TV wrestling had to offer. Let’s dive in, shall we?

The episode, airing from Philadelphia, starts with a limo arriving, a Vince Russo favorite. A bunch of suits get out, followed by Sid Vicious. They walk toward the arena with expressions of grim purpose.

Inside, we get a good cruiserweight match between Juventud Guerrera and Evan Karagias that is interrupted by Bret Hart, who comes out to complain that “politics in the back” have kept him from wrestling Hulk Hogan. This promo is interrupted by Sting, who comes out and offers Bret a world title shot, but not before saying, “I got your legacy right here” and doing a crotch chop. 

There’s a two-minute match between Disco Inferno and Vampire that ends with Disco getting a clean pin, then getting attacked by Lash Laroux. Heenan and Schiavone are on commentary and this is still definitively a wrestling show, but cracks are starting to show.

In the ring, there’s some kind of Nitro Girls competition happening, in which a new Nitro Girl will be chosen. The contestants are Chiquita and Stacy Keibler, and we see b-roll of them dancing suggestively. I think both ended up as Nitro Girls, but this segment is interrupted by Buff Bagwell, who comes out in a pair of overalls painted like a Kriss Kross video in 1990. He cuts a promo in which he repeats “Buff is the stuff” half a dozen times, dances awkwardly, and leaves. 

The Vince Russo Era has truly begun.

Some crowd signs: “No One Gives a Damn What the Rock Says”; “WWF = Wrestling White Trash Federation”; “Rey Misterio Bronco Buster ME”; “Rap is Crap!”; “Nash is God”; “Sid Fears the Spear”; “Sid Sucks”; “Velcro Despencers” [sic]; “Sid Your Next” [sic]; “Goldberg Philly is Next”; “Sting Rules”; “The Outsiders Are the Real Deal”; “Drunk 24:7″; “I See Dead People”; “Stone Cold Smokes the Pole”; “Hogan = Homo”; “Jebroni” [sic]; “Austin Sleeps With Sheep”; “Goldberg the Last True Hero”

Tag team championship match: Konnan and an unmasked Rey Misterio Jr. vs champs Harlem Heat. There’s decent wrestling, with Rey in particular hitting a beeyootiful  springboard moonsault, but Vince and Ed cannot abide a mere wrestling match, so Eddie Guerrero, Billy Kidman, and Torrie Wilson come out to talk on commentary for some reason. No one is calling the match, but it’s good. Rey looks like a child without his mask. Actually, with the dyed blonde hair, he looks exactly like his son, Dominic, whose custody he would later battle for in a ladder match. Stevie Ray hits the slowest, sloppiest power slam I have ever seen in a professional wrestling match. Eddie and Kidman interfere, then Rey and Konnan cheat to win the titles. NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPS. This is fine. The Filthy Animals were supposed to be cheating heels.

Kimberly Page is looking for someone backstage and is talking flirtatiously to David Flair, a man who does not want to be on television. It’s incredible how poorly suited he was for this. “David Flair looks like some guy they pulled out of the audience, like he’s shocked to be there,” Joe notes. “Like some college guy who just got out of a party.” Not since Mike Von Erich has a member of a wrestling family been so visibly unsuited for wrestling.

HELL YES. IT’S MENG TIME. Meng is wrestling Bill DeMott, who is still in his Hugh Morrus persona, but now he’s SERIOUS and Jimmy Hart is his manager. Morrus headbutts Meng, which is a bad choice. As the match proceeds, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash walk down the arena steps, so the entire crowd stops paying attention to what’s happening the ring. This is a hallmark of Vince Russo’s philosophy: just constantly have things interrupted by other things. Meng wins with the Tongan Death Grip, but the crowd doesn’t care. Hall and Nash are sitting ringside with two women Heenan describes as “beautiful dolls.”

Sid comes out to the ring and then calls his “attorneys” to join him. The crowd boos the attorneys. The crowd chants “Goldberg” while Sid uncorks a Vintage. Halting. Promo. With. Lots. Of. Jumbled. Shouting. “I. Am. A. Man. Of. My. Word. I. Am. A. Man. Of. Integrity” Sid says, a sentiment that many 21st century indie promoters will have reason to dispute. Goldberg runs out and absolutely flattens one of the actors playing a lawyer. Just fucking kills the guy. Sid lays Goldberg out with a kick and then power bombs him. The crowd is livid. This is a good setup for Halloween Havoc, because people are booing the heel and want to see him get his ass kicked. This is good wrestling booking. I can give credit where it’s due.

At ringside, Hall and Nash are laughing at Goldberg, who mushes them both. There’s a pull apart. Someone in the crowd throws a roll of toilet paper, because hey, Philadelphia. The Outsiders are led from the arena by security. A fresh-faced kid of perhaps 13 runs down to try and get Hall and Nash to Too Sweet him; a 1999 Internet fan. We watch a long tracking shot of Hall and Nash being led through the Spectrum, or whatever the Philly arena was called at this point. It’s almost artistic it’s so tedious. JJ Dillon appears for a split second, looking like a man who is rethinking the last 18 months of his decisions.

Backstage, Mike Tenay interviews Bret Hart, who cuts a good, standard wrestling promo, although he keeps calling the company “the WCW.” The interview is interrupted by Sting jumping Hart in the locker room, which is badly out of character. 

Now Berlyn comes out with his bodyguard, The Wall. Get it? Beryln and the Wall? God, was anyone in WCW more ill-served by the writers than Alex Wright? He was a good wrestler with a good look, who was given absolutely nothing to work with. Come to think of it, that also describes Brad Armstrong. Tonight, Berlyn will be wrestling the Dogface Gremlin himself, Rick Steiner, who looks as excited to be here as someone attending family court. It’s weirdly compelling how little Rick Steiner cares about this match. Why should he care? This match is going to be interrupted, and it is, by Brad Armstrong! Speak of the devil. Jesus, poor Brad Armstrong. He hates Berlyn, but his interference accidentally costs Steiner the match, and Steiner beats up Armstrong with a lazy, unhurried disinterest. 

We’re back in the bowels of the Spectrum, where Hall and Nash have sneaked back in. They wander around looking for Goldberg. They’re good at sneaking, what with this camera crew following them.

Now we’re at a hotel, and Kimberly page comes inside and then disrobes to a one-piece lingerie set. Instead of DDP, though, Ric Flair jumps out of the bathroom and tells Kimberly, “Tonight you gonna get the 14-time spanking your daddy shoulda given you a long time ago.” 

Now we’re backstage, and Goldberg, prowling the Spectrum, lays out Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope from Insane Clown Posse, which, as Joe notes, gets the biggest pop of the night. 

Now we’re at a different part of the backstage area, and Lex Luger and Miss Elizabeth are being interviewed, the knowledge we have now making this hard to watch. Lex cuts a halting, awkward promo about how he is, indeed, the total package. 

David Flair comes out in his father’s robe, to his father’s music, with all the pomp and circumstance of an unemployed guy walking outside to get the mail. He’ll be wrestling Billy Kidman, who comes out with Torrie Wilson. Four years after this, they would be married. The crowd hates David Flair’s awkward offense so much. Flair sucks so bad at this. Flair does sell the Shooting Star Press convincingly, probably because he was legitimately terrified and hurt by it. Kidman wins, and the Filthy animals come out to beat on Flair. Wikipedia tells me David Flair never wanted to be a wrestler, which sounds about right. 

Now we’re backstage for the Hall and Nash Snoop Hour. They run into Gene Okerlund, who looks bored and disgusted. 

Now we’re backstage, but in a different part, and Ric Flair is here, presumably having had sex with Kimberly Page despite her original desire to have sex with her husband. When I was growing up I had an issue of Playboy with Kimberly Page in it, which was a revelation for a WWF fan like myself. 

Now we’ve got an evening gown match featuring Mona - better known as Molly Holly - and Madusa, who is disgusted by the stipulation AND THAT’S PROBABLY A SHOOT BROTHER. This starts off fast, with some actual wrestling and some crisp suplexes from both women. “The last time I saw two women in dresses fighting like that was at Bloomingdale’s at the end of the month sale,” Brain says, beaming in from 1964. Madusa takes out the ref with a missed kick and then hits a beautiful suplex on Mona. Mona sneaks up from behind and pulls Madusa’s dress off. The crowd boos. None of us wanted this. Madusa gets the mic to cut a promo, saying everyone can kiss her ass. 

Backstage. Sting is pacing back and forth. Bret is heading out to the ring. Hart, maybe the best pure wrestler of his generation, was so badly misused by WCW. It’s really a phenomenal story. How could you screw something like this up? But they did. Oh, boy, did they. 

People love Sting, and at this point they still love Bret, so this match is a dumb idea. In retrospect it seems insane that they had this match, with no buildup, on an episode of free TV, but that was kind of common in this era, in both companies. The match begins as a leisurely paced brawl until Bret gets the upper hand by getting the knees up to stuff the Vader Bomb, or whatever it was called when Sting did it. Bret takes over for a while, then Sting reverses an Irish whip and gets a Stinger Splash to get the upper hand. Nick Patrick is the referee, and is not wearing a belt. Is that common? It looks weird. How are you holding up your sensible black trousers, Nick Patrick? The crowd is firmly behind Sting, who hits the elbow drop and does that thing where he cups his hands over his mouth and yells. I would describe this match as Perfectly Fine. It’s a rung or three below what these guys are capable of, but it’s not bad. Bret hits an absolutely filthy piledriver, but Sting kicks out. Hart teases the Sharpshooter but doesn’t give the crowd what they want. After some futzing around, he finally locks it in, but Sting grabs the rope. Sting is selling the effect of the Sharpshooter very well, trying to get Hart up for a bodyslam but having his leg give out under him. Oh boy, an interruption: Miss Elizabeth comes out to the ring for some reason, followed shortly by a bat-wielding Lex Luger. Hart is forced to fight Luger and Hart. Luger hits Hart in the shin with a bat, enabling Sting to lock in the Scorpion Deathlock, to which Hart immediately taps out. That finish was not Perfectly Fine. 

Wait, that wasn’t the main event? We’re backstage. Ric is yelling at David Flair, who repeatedly mumbles “Billy Kidman beat me up.” It’s hard to believe these two men are related.

Backstage in a different part of the Spectrum. Hall and Nash are putting on lucha masks for some reason. They are still looking for Goldberg. 

We’re back to the ring, for La Parka. Have you heard that he’s having a career year in 2018? Well, in 1999, he was having the kind of year where he had to follow a 15-minute Bret Hart-Sting match by wrestling Buff Bagwell. The crowd is predictably dead. What would these men say if you told them that in less than 20 years, one would be a gigolo and the other would be having a career year in pro wrestling? They would probably correctly guess which one would be the gigolo. La Parka beats a visibly disinterested Buff with a roll-up. Then Buff gets on the headset and says, “Hey, Russo, did I do a good job for you? Who else is going to beat me? Why don’t you come out and beat me?” Then Jeff Jarrett, in a surprise arrival from WWF, runs out and kabongs Buff with a guitar shot. The crowd reacts at least. This was kind of a famous jump from WWF to WCW, after Jarrett held Vince up for a huge sum of money to drop the belt to Chyna after his contract expired. Jarrett grabs his dick, says, “You wanna talk about stroke, bitch?” and then walks to the back. This is painfully Russovian. 

After another painful Hall-Nash segment backstage, we’ve got Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Jr. vs. Perry Saturn in a three-way elimination match. Shane Douglas joins the commentary team and says he is “the guy that built Philadelphia and kept wrestling alive in this godforsaken city.” The crowd is oddly silent for a match featuring Perry Saturn. Saturn throws a beautiful array of suplays while the Guerreros bicker. Eddie suplexes Chavo outside the damn ring, a crazy bump. This is a good match. The crowd is totally bored, or maybe exhausted. On the hard camera side, two guys dressed like Hulk Hogan who been doing wacky dances all night sit down immediately when a leathery Philadelphia Guido comes over and visibly motherfucks them, jabbing his finger and yelling. Good for you, Guy Who Makes Me Think of Frank Rizzo, those guys were awful. We need an interruption, so the Filthy Animals come down for some reason. They beat up Saturn while Douglas, who has an arm in a cast, rages. “It’s a damn conspiracy here!” he yells. Eddie hits the frog splash on Saturn for the pin, and then Chavo Jr. hits a tornado DDT on his uncle to win. The crowd is confused and angry. The Filthy Animals storm the ring and beat up Chavo. No one cares. 

God, is there more to this episode? We are exhausted. It feels like we started watching this five hours ago. 

Oh God, Horace Hogan in a hardcore match? A WCW hardcore match in Philadelphia when ECW was still a living proposition. It’s going to be Horace vs. Norman Smiley. One of the Hogan impersonators is dancing again. Where is Frank Rizzo Guy when we need him? This match is boring and bad. Horace sets up a table and goes through it. Norman wins. No one cares.

WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END? Flair comes down to the ring. Ric, not David. Who cares where David is. Flair makes a somewhat tortuous analogy between himself and Bobby Clarke, the great thuggish Philadelphia Flyer from the 1970s. He talks about having sex with Kimberly Page earlier in the night. He compares his son, David, to Eric Lindros. A lot of hockey talk tonight. Flair says he drank the Guerrero Brothers under the table in every bar from Mexico to Philadelphia, a plausible claim. The Filthy Animals come out and beat on Flair, which the crowd hates. David runs out to help his dad, and also gets beat on. Rey Misterio hits the bronco buster on Ric Flair. Konnan rips off Flair’s shirt and takes his wallet. The Filthy Animals take Flair’s jewelry. “Well, it’s Philadelphia,” Heenan notes. 

Lex Luger stumbles on Miss Elizabeth, laid out in the women’s locker room, a broken guitar laying near her head. ELIAS? WAS THAT YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH??

Goldberg comes to the ring, accompanied by security guards, while the crowd chants for him. One of the all-time greatest entrances in wrestling history. Somehow, this - Goldberg vs. Lex - is the main event, rather than Sting vs. Bret Hart. Goldberg runs outside the ring to start the match on the entrance ramp. Big “Goldberg” chants. This match is already way too long for a Goldberg match. Waaaaay too long. The Outsiders wander out from the back. “The fight goes on and on,” Tony says, summing up this whole ordeal. Now Sting runs out of the back for some reason and hits Goldberg with a baseball bat. The crowd boos. Now Bret Hart runs out of the back and starts beating up Sting. This is such a disaster. The crowd is pelting the ring with cups of soda. Goldberg spears Lex Luger and wins. 

Grade: Pot Roast That Has Been Left In The Sun For Days.

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                                                            JULY       2018

 PAGE  RIB

***** Pete Davidson has gotten himself engaged to Arianna Grande. He has new tattoos to prove his love.

***** The first wall was raised for the old Conklin’s barn dinner theatre in Goodfield, Illinois. After a struggle to raise money after the old barn was destroyed and a fight with the insurance company, the day has finally come. The new structure which is part of a whole new complex will open in 2019. I can’t wait!!!

***** Vikings QB, Kirk Cousins is still driving his great old van and proud of it.

***** Check out Rotten apples, a website that is a database for consumers to learn if those involved in movies or TV have allegations against them.

***** The Daily show had a good idea. Every time that Scary Clown 45 does his daily dose of fucking everything up, call Fox news.  Calling your congressmen and protesting will have to continue, of course but it seems he mostly listens to Fox. Perhaps if they get tired of listening to us bitch, they will try to get their boss/fan to change a few things. 1-888-369-4762.** How far down will he and his cult drag this country?

***** A personal note: I heard a comedian the other day talking about jerks in all parts of our lives. Whether it be church, work, school, concerts, an AA meeting or whatever there is always an asshole in the mix to ruin stuff. This really resonated with me because I have seen a situation lately that perfectly illustrates this. A local store has a department with 3 managers. Manager #1 keeps hiring in his friends that mostly create their own schedules and do not often break a sweat. Manager #2 has been there a while and things run pretty smooth and fair when they run the day. Manager #3 is new to the position and often seems like they do not know what the fuck is going on and it was recently learned that this one has been backstabbing #2 so much that # 2 was fired. Now, we can’t know, of course, the reason for the firing but it just shows that a perfectly nice place to work and shop with a company one can believe in can go all wrong because of one or two bad apples. Manager #2 who is also battling illness (so does not often have the strength to fight back) has lost a career and many employees who respect them are now stuck working with people they know will run the place into the ground or having to find another job. I have seen a few similar situations thru the years and of course, asshole in chief in D.C. is like the all time perfect example of this but why can’t we weed out the jerks?  

***** Days alert: Is Paul leaving? What? They need to bring in a good mate for him. He is arguably the most honest person in town and he deserves the best. Let Will and Sonny have each other and find a better match for Paul but don’t let him go. I mean Sonny treats Paul like he isn’t even in the room half the time and they were going to marry?!  But, yes.. Chris Sean (Paul) is going and Bryan R. Dattilo (Lucas) may go soon too. Marci Miller (Abby) is out and will be replaced by the old Abby, Kate Mansin. Arianne Zucker (Nicole) will be back. Will she have a baby for Eric? Olivia Rose Keegar (Claire) has released a single titled ‘Just my type.’** Are they really gonna do a Ben and Ciara thing?** Sephen Nichols (Patch) is out as well as Greg Rikkaart (Leo). Farah Fath (Mimi Lockhart) is back. Sheila, Shawn and Belle will show up soon.  Kyle Lowder who used to play Brady will return as another character. There is a rumor that Allison Sweeney (Sami) will swing in for a bit and will she be pregnant with Rafe’s baby? I am betting so since Hope just mentioned something about Raif not having any kids.

***** Antarctic ice loss has tripled in just a decade.

***** The Philadelphia Eagles were cancelled at the White House because most of them would not come. Philly’s mayor countered with:” Trump is not a true patriot but a fragile egomaniac obsessed with crowd size and afraid of the embarrassment of throwing a party to which no one wants to attend.”  The night before, Fox news showed pics of Eagles kneeling when in fact they were praying as they always do. Nobody said there was anything wrong with that before so the players would like to know what is wrong with praying? This particular team never took a knee all season as protest. And what about the 10 players who wanted to go to the White house and worked hard to get there?** Scary Clown says he won’t even invite the NBA champs.

***** Illinois ratified the ERA. Just 1 more state and 36 years after the deadline to adopt legislation we may get there.

***** So, I see Domino’s latest stunt is fixing the roads? Somebody has to work on the infrastructure so it might as well be them.

***** The MtV awards best dressed to me were Alison Brie and Kristen Bell. While the chaos engulfed our country, the young people at the awards (the so called Hollywood elite), spoke out for real super heroes, acceptance for all and an end to bullying.

***** Should we be giving Dennis Rodman airtime to show how stupid he is? I hear the argument  over and over lately that someone was nice to them so they must be ok. This could be said of Trump, Kim Jung Un or a serial killer. How fucking selfish can people be?  The ignorant seem to be incapable of seeing the horror right in front of them as they pick and choose facts.

***** Why have I seen a rash of first cousins as lover’s jokes? Why is it ok to make fun of this?

***** Artifacts were found in Springfield, Il. which came from the 1908 race riots. First found in 2014 when work was being done on an underpass, officials hope to soon have them on display. After working to preserve the items, they are looking to the Smithsonian and the Library of Congress.

***** Is there a new serial killer in Massachusetts?

***** The Koch brothers are apparently waging war all over the country against Mass Transit. They use paid activists to push similar thinking voters to vote it down. It is funny that these big government haters don’t mind that the Koch Brothers have made a well thought out data service to help control their voters.

***** The Tony’s were pretty rockin’ this year. Robert DeNiro got everybody going with a Fuck Trump sentiment. Most awards went to The Band’s Visit, Harry Potter and the cursed child and Angels in America. Once on an Island won best revival and other winners were Glenda Jackson and Nathan Lane (who I love but was really pulling for Michael Cera and Brian Tyree Henry). Tony Shalhoub, Laurie Metcalf and Andrew Garfield also took home awards.  The most beautiful moment was from the students of Stoneman Douglas and their teacher who was honored.** A Trump supporter went to A Bronx tale: The musical after the DeNiro incident which is codirected by Mr. D. The supporter held up a Trump 2020 sign. My son chuckled, “At least he bought a ticket.”

***** IHOP has become IHOB. They think they are Red Robin. More $ in burgers than pancakes, I guess.

***** Stephen Colbert sang the National anthem at a Mets game.** Trump is taking swipes at the late night hosts now. Conan, Colbert and Fallon teamed up to do a funny about that.

***** So some people think that Roseanne’s racist remarks and Samantha Bee’s ‘cunt’ comment are the same? Both should lose their show? NO.. big difference.  Other countries do not get our outrage.. The word ‘cunt’ is not as big a deal in Canada and Great Britain. If there is fall out shouldn’t standards and practices at TBS be in trouble for letting the ‘feckless cunt’ comment go to broadcast? I mean Roseanne did this on her twitter on her own. Trump cult members think they can all go to twitter and spout their racist, hateful rhetoric and get away with it. If one is going to be successful in the mainstream world, they may not get away with that like Scary Clown. Anyway, Go Samantha Bee!!**BTW,  Love the letter that Michael Moore put out about Trump and Roseanne, it is worth a read.** ABC will let the others serve out their contracts after a settlement with Roseanne when they bring us The Conners.

***** Jim Carrey and Showtime will give us ‘Kidding’ on Sept. 9. The dark comedy will cast Carrey as Mr. Pickles, a children’s host who is falling apart. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’s Michel Gondry will direst and the cast will include Catherine Keener, Judy Greer and Frank Langella.

***** Michael Myers, Jamie Lee Curtis and Halloween are back and wipes out all the sequels.

***** George Clooney received the lifetime achievement award from the American Film Institute.

***** Illinois man, Jay Smith claims he may have coyotes, wild dogs, a mix or hybrid or a unique unknown species in the woods around his home. The U.S. Dept. of agriculture and Chicago’s field museum are now interested in the 40 or so creatures. Smith describes them as bigger than wolves with dark coats. You can see for yourself on youtube : Kanahoe wolves of forgottonia.

***** Atlanta has been renewed for season 3, of course!!

***** Reese Witherspoon will soon be back in the Legally Blonde world for the third time.

***** I truly love to hear Louie Anderson laugh.

***** The President is Missing, a novel by James Patterson and Bill Clinton is #1.

***** Terry Crews talked to the Senate about sexual assault.

***** Secret Service is temporarily keeping an eye on Sarah Sanders and more staff members may get their own agents.

***** The Environmental media association Benefit gala honored Elizabeth Olsen, Ray Halbritter, Mike Sullivan and Jane Fonda who danced on stage with the musical guest Snoop Dogg.

***** Redmond O’Neal was arrested on June 8 for assault with a deadly weapon, criminal threat, brandishing a knife, battery and attempted murder.  Police say he went on a violent spree in Southern California.

***** Watch for Shock and Awe from Rob Reiner in July. People have been floating his name for President and U know the opposition would immediately call him meathead. I say embrace it, Meathead for President!!!!!!!**I Love that Reiner calls out Trump with’ the art of the lie.’

***** The much anticipated Old man and the gun will be out in September. The comedy filmed in Texas stars Robert Redford, sissy Spacek, Casey Affleck, Danny Glover and Tom Waits. I can’t fucking wait!

***** Look for the new film, An Actor Prepares with Jeremy Irons, Mamie Gummer, Larry Pine and Jack Huston.

*****The special council has piled more charges onto Paul Manafort. It was after this that he went back to court for violating the terms of his house arrest and his bail was revoked. The 40 charges now include witness tampering. All charges were about incidents before the Presidential campaign.

***** We have to know that people are not really paying attention when Scary Clown and Gulliani babble on incoherently on national television and their supporters do not seem to care or they really don’t get it. These voters seem to think that it is easier to stay with the devil you know and just refuse to bend. ** Ivanka keeps gathering more new trademarks in China and refuses to answer questions about it as the trade talk rages on.** Why do people keep trying to normalize all this behavior?

***** So.. Supposedly Trump told a friend that porn is not allowed in the White House and it his biggest complaint. Some reporters submitted this as an official question to the White House. It seems the subject has never really come up so no one has thought to ask before. So far there has been no response. ** Word is that Scary Clown rips up papers after he reads or uses them. The problem is that Presidential papers have to be preserved for history so 2 people work just to tape those papers back together.  They were fired this month.

***** Sexual misconduct controversy abounds in Illinois under Mike Madigan with Tim Mapes under the microscope.

***** Justify won the Belmont Stakes and is just the 13th horse in history to win the Triple crown.

***** Senator Jeff Merkley is telling us that immigrants are being held in small cages in Texas. Is this our country? Is this really happening?

***** Recording academy President, Neil Portnow will step down from his post next year.

***** Mystery Science Theatre 3000 will tour in the fall. Joel Hodgson, Jonah Ray, Tom Servo and Crow will begin riffing live on October 9 in Portland, Maine.

***** I wanna be in New Orleans for Voodoo fest on October 26-28. The lineup rocks with Marilyn Manson, Janelle Monae, Zeds dead, Elle King, Mumford and Sons, Arctic Monkeys and Childish Gambino.

***** Next year Brian De Palma is going to start filming ‘Predator’ about the Weinstein scandal.

***** Convicted drug trafficker Alice Johnson was pardoned by Scary Clown.  Who’s next?

***** Trump called Canadian PM Trudeau, meek, mild and weak. ** True to form, Trump showed up late at the G7 for his meeting on women’s empowerment.** Rep. Steve Schmidt said that ‘Trump beclowned himself.”** Trump quote: “Kim Jong Un is a great guy” and “ North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat.” I don’t think he will ever hear the end of it over those statements. Saying it does not make it so. I wrote this and then I heard Chuck Schumer say it. ** Big evidence of wrong doing in the Trump charity organization. He is now being sued by the attorney General for persistent illegal conduct.** Trump now says he wants to withdraw from the World Trade Organization. He is being such a good little boy by helping Putin check things off his list. Destroy NATO, Destroy EU, Destroy the UN, Eliminate U.S. leadership. ** As June ends, there are new reports that North Korea has ramped up its Nuclear production.

***** This whole mess with 2,000 kids being taken from their parents at the border is an outrage. I can’t help but think of our ‘well meaning’ Christian folk trying to convert the Native Americans back in the day. They tried hard to make the natives dress like the white man, pray like the white man and go to our schools. As well as leverage for scary clown’s wall, are they trying to fill these children’s heads with their own propaganda while they are in foster care or residing in the white man’s warehouse? **When will the loyalists realize that a wall cannot be built? Private citizens own some of that land. There are bodies of water on the border. No matter how much the racists wish for it, it just can’t be done.** There is something about the way he grins crazily when he is called out on something. It seems like he is so proud of his lies and the way he conducts himself so unethically. I am reminded of Manson and the way he would light up when asked about his crimes or when he was shown footage from other family members talking about him. This is such a fast moving story that some are equating to the way the Jewish and the Japanese were treated in the past. ** It is obvious that no planning went into any of this new policy. It is wonderful that so many reporters are watching the facilities they know about and staying at the border. It takes time to get the facts and it isn’t easy when the administration is being so secretive. The lawsuits have started. Can we get Sessions, Nielsen, Pence and Trump on child neglect??** People of all nations will not want to be here soon and we will be left with the racists and bullies. Do we leave or do we fight?  If everybody left the Trumpers alone in this country what would they have to complain about? They have no empathy, it is like they thrive on others suffering. ** Multiple on air personalities cried at the stories of the children as their emotions came to the surface. I think many of us feel helpless as that sinking feeling we all had on election night has come to the point we all feared.** The Red Cross has not even been allowed in to these FOR PROFIT facilities. Protesters are staying on the case of Krisjen Nielsen. The administration and their defenders have been so flippant about the whole thing especially Corey (womp, womp) Lewandowski.** It costs the government over twice as much to house the kids without their parents.** Melania visited the kids and wore a jacket which read ‘I really don’t care, Do you?’ This started a whole new mess. I thought of those Turpin monster parents. Why on earth does anyone want to put kids in cages?  Does it make someone powerful to torture children?

***** June ended with about 700 protests for the kids in cages. Family’s Belong Together marches were overflowing in the heat with inspiring messages and a lot of heart. I was so proud to be there.

***** New York has sued the federal government over zero tolerance.**The U.S. has withdrawn from the UN human rights body. Many do agree with this one for they feel there is not equal punishment for nations when it comes to human rights.** A lawsuit was filed on April 23 alleging kids were held down and injected to render them helpless and keep them calm.**It seems that we should leave the immigrants alone and enforce swift, harsh penalties for those who hire undocumented workers. These employees aren’t paying their fair share on these employees.**The Pentagon has been asked to prepare housing for 20,000 immigrants.** I mean, this is not a simple subject but basically if you come in illegally, you go back. If you seek asylum, you should not be separated from your child or be in detention. More judges would help get this backlog caught up and ankle bracelets had seemed to be helping the situation. Take some of this ‘traveling to Mar a Lago $’ and hire more judges. And let’s help stabilize these regimes so folks will feel safer in their own countries. Some are even saying they should abolish I.C.E.. Some of those speaking out with that thought are I.C.E. agents themselves. I.C.E. spokesperson James Schwab has been speaking out. He claims he resigned because although he was asked to spin for both administrations, the current administration asked him to outright lie. Thank you James! ** Immigrants add 63 billion to the economy.** A federal judge has declared the kids must be reunited with their parents in 30 days, for younger kids it is 14 days.** Justin Trudeau tells refugees they are welcome in Canada.

*****  Ok.. Read the next item before this one!!!... So Stuttering John AKA John Melendez has a podcast and he claims he called air force one and he got thru.  He pretended to be Sen Bob Menendez and Trump told him he would have a Supreme Court pick in 2 weeks. While people wondered if this was true, Trump announced he would have his pick on July 9.

***** The Supreme Court upheld the travel ban including Venezuela, North Korea, Syria, Iran, Somalia and Libya. They (5-4) claim it is not a Muslim ban and allows for them to get off the list. This reverses the lower court’s rulings but at least it is the third incarnation as the first two were struck down. Even though the Supreme court said the President has the authority it did put it somewhat in check. Still wrong.  0 people have been killed in our country by a person from one of these countries.** The Supreme Court also tells us you don’t have to pay your union dues. ** Justice Kennedy is set to retire. Trump’s private banker at Deutsche bank for 12 years is Justice Kennedy’s son. JS

***** The country gets more liberal and the power in the country gets more conservative. WTF?** Rod Rosenstein seemed very confident in his questioning this week. This is good news for the country!

***** Sean Spicer is putting together a talk show.

***** The Trump administration is backing insurance companies to eliminate the pre- existing condition protection.

***** The 2019 Hollywood walk of fame will add Robert DeNiro, Anne Hathaway, Michael Buble, Tyler Perry and the trio of Linda Ronstadt, Emmylou Harris and Dolly Parton.

***** Sara Netanyahu has been indicted on fraud charges.

***** Take a listen to the Ear hustle podcast and get the dirt inside prison.

***** Studied show that 97% of rapists never go to jail.

***** Women can drive in Saudi Arabia but arrests are up for women who protest there.

***** Jerry Springer is finally done with his show.

***** The republicans govern without shame. The democrats shame without governing.  –Bill Maher

***** From what I see it seems that America to the Conservatives means guns and Christianity should be included in our governments and our schools.  They seem to like everyone to take care of themselves financially except in extreme cases and outsiders should not be a part of this country. America to the liberals seems like the same rights for all like health care, ruling our own bodies and that love is love. They believe in high taxes and programs to help others.

***** Jeff Sessions of the United Methodist church has been charged under church law with violating paragraph 270.3: child abuse, immorality, racial discrimination and dissemination of doctrines contrary to the standards of doctrine of the United Methodist church. In the 50 years of the church as a denomination, no case can be found that has gotten this far.

***** It seems that there was always a bit of a separation between Fox news and the rest of the company. This latest border mess has crumbled that particular wall. Artists who have at one time or another  worked for Fox Studios are speaking out. Modern Family creator Steve Levitan, director Payl Fieg and Seth Mcfarlane are among them.

***** If we don’t make peace with our wounds, we’ll be tempted to despise the wounded.  – Father Gregory Boyle

***** No one is illegal on stolen land.   Thanks Kim

*****  Trump is not much on tradition. The man cancels the congressional picnic for lack of time but is gung ho for rallies and fund raisers .A scrawl on Fox news dressed down CNN and MSNBC for not airing the latest Trump rally. Who the fuck wants to see that nightmare?

***** Peter Fonda’s emotions got the better of him and he tweeted: WE SHOULD RIP BARRON FROM HIS MOTHERS ARMS AND PUT HIM IN A CAGE WITH A PEDOPHILE AND SEE IF HIS MOTHER WILL STAND UP AGAINST THE GIANT ASSHOLE. He deleted it but the damage was done. He apologized to the family.**Sarah Sanders was asked to leave a restaurant** Maxine Waters is asking people to call out Trump workers when they see them. This is getting ridic but I think the right thinking people of this country are feeling trapped and desperate. Civility is hard keep in check when our country is being taken over by racists, thieves and bullies. We must try to do this right though. We must get this right!

***** Scary Clown 45 claims that crime in Germany is so high, perhaps because of the refugees? In fact, crime is at a 30 year low? Similarly, a report commissioned by Scary’s own administration shows how much immigrants put into our economy but since the numbers were good, they buried that report.** A story claimed that WH staffers show the President only what he wants to see and that John Kelly tells people to just let him keep going as he is and if it leads to impeachment then our country will be through this horrific time.** His rallies and speeches get crazier if that is possible. Does he travel with an audience?** Trump claims that the Dems want immigrants because they see them as potential voters. Genius, years of red tape and possibly letting gang members (his words) in just for a vote! ** He will say anything to divert attention from himself and his cohorts using this country as their personal piggy bank and taking our rights away.** The UN has declared that the policy of separating children from parents at the border, “may amount to torture.”

***** White house.gov has an agenda for a complete reorganizing of the Federal government full of privatization, major cuts and consolidated power.

***** I-95 in Maine has been getting shut down so border patrol can check your citizenship. WTF?

***** OK.. This is a very unimportant note and I try to never watch commercials but I love the new Progressive ad where the dude is turning into his dad. So cute!

***** I wish that there was a little more backbone on the Sunday morn political shows. I mean the weekend of the big outrage at the border, there were big Trump loving infomercials, why are Bannon and Kelly Ann even invited on these shows?  I have no earthly idea how anyone could have an ounce of respect for any of them.

***** A NY Times story finds that Scary clown 45’s prison cutbacks have been so severe that teachers, secretaries and nurses have had to act as prison guards. ** Economists estimate that Iowa soybean farmers alone could lose up to $624,000,000 as a result of the tariffs. **Harley Davidson has moved some of their work to Bangkok because of the trade war.

***** Thank you James Corden for the Carpool Karaoke with Paul McCartney. It is the first time in a while that I let go of all the worry over this country et al and really got engrossed in something sweet and fun.

***** Disabled vets are being docked on their disability checks for an insurance they were forced into that they and their families can’t even redeem.

***** Kevin Vernardo has started his own circus.

***** Vince Vaughn was arrested June 19 for DUI and resisting arrest.

***** The BET awards winners include D J Khaled, Black Panther, Migos and Sza. Best dressed to me were Meek Mill, Remy Ma, Trevor Jackson, Storm Reid and Janelle Monae.

***** Mystery Race day theatre with Michael Waltrip????

***** John Legend tweeted a Fuck You to Paul Ryan!

***** The electoral college must go!

***** March 2019: Tim Burton will bring us Dumbo with Michael Keaton, Colin Farrell, Alan Arkin and Danny Devito.

***** Stan Lee has gotten a restraining order against his business manager claiming elder abuse.

***** A 94 year old Elgin woman put up a large sign in her yard that read ’Impeach Trump now!’ The city told her that it exceeded the size limit for signs in the city ordinance. She put up a smaller sign claiming that she just wants to draw attention to his foreign policy, trade policy and domestic policy. The woman, Myra Becker said that he’s a disaster. “I’m on a walker and there are all the things I can’t do but I can put up a sign.

***** Larry Kudlow had a heart attack.

***** The new season of Comedians in cars getting coffee includes Dave Chapelle, Alec Baldwin, Dana Carvey, Ellen DeGeneres, Zach Galifianakis, Jerry Lewis, Kate McKinnin, Tracy Morgan, Hassan Minaj, John Mulaney and Brian Regan.

***** So John Cena is really a pig! There was a clip of the man telling his girlfriend that he would make the sacrifice of giving her a child. This was a regular clip from a show she does so at least he owns his pig status, I guess. Sure, it is a ‘reality’ show that is supposedly all scripted but I don’t think that would matter to me if I was that kid.  I guess all their money will help. Good luck kid!

***** Boundaries will star Christopher Plummer, Peter Fonda and Vera Farmiga.

***** Mike Pence was invited to the big gay dance party in Ohio that was in the street just outside his hotel.  

*****  Brockmire continues to make me laugh out loud. A great line: Orange juice is a glass of vodka wasted.  How will sobriety play in the next season?

***** Trump staffers seem to have trouble unwinding and having personal lives since most of D.C. wants nothing to do with them. Recently it was revealed that they have found a bar called Rebellion where they feel welcome. Oh what clever clogs.  I imagine that since this has been revealed , it won’t be fun there for long.

***** Better Call Saul season 4 will have a mysterious Breaking Bad character that was never seen named Lalo. A couple more characters will be introduced when the show returns August 6.

***** The Traverse city film fest will honor Jane Fonda with Lifetime achievement.

***** Acura is sure using a lot of vintage Stones in their advertising as of late.** BTW The Stones have a new boxed set of all their original material albums from 1971 on. It is all cleaned up and lookin’ pretty!!

***** The new Whtney doc about Whitney Houston has some honest revelations . In a posthumous Me Too moment, it is revealed that she was molested by her cousin Dee Dee Warwick.

***** Maryland was home to the latest shooting. The AP has declared they will help the Capital Gazette continue to publish until they get back on their feet. Now that is what this country should be about.

***** The table in the Vietnamese noodle shop where Obama and Bourdain dined has been put under glass. Fans have come to the shop to pay tribute.

***** Mia Farrow proposes we move to saying ‘succumbed’ to suicide instead of ‘committed’ suicide because depression is an illness. The legacy of suicide is cruel enough for all involved. The national suicide prevention hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.

***** R.I.P. Glenn Snoddy, Alan Bean, Joe Jackson, Ella Brennan, Dwight Clark, Kate Spade, Alan O’Neill, Danny Kirwan, Eunice Gayson, Murray Frumson, Koko, Jackson Odell, Gena Turgel, Jerry Maren (last of the lollipop guild) , DJ Fontana, Neal Boyd,  Matt ‘guitar’ Murphy, Nick Knox, Jimmy Wopo, Charles Krauthammer, Vinnie Paul, Richard Harrison, Richard Valeriani, victims of the Maryland newspaper shooting,  Anthony Bourdain, Steve Soto, Willie Lee Rose, Richard Allan Greenberg and Eva Kirchgessner.