#so huge so empty so annoying to navigate

[fourfoldfires]

solution nine aetheryte can bite my entire ass. "ToO fAr AwaY-" well if SOME PEOPLE didn't build their aetherytes floating above a HUGE HOLE IN THE GROUND that wouldn't be a problem now would it.

[nottswitch]

Hi beautiful! :) <3

I really love this prompt thing idea, I think I could send like 10 asks 😭

Can you do a fluff or angst (or both) one with 23 and 115 for Mattheo/Theo?

hey there babe, thanks for your request 💘 i def wouldn’t be against ten asks, i’m having so much fun with these!! decided to pick mattheo and fluff for this one.

23. "please, don’t cry." 115. "you’re drunk, honey."

warnings: fluff, drinking, crying

⟡ navigation ; m.lists ; mattheo m.list ; prompts (closed)

mattheo was pretty exhausted after his quidditch practice, which ran late today, and the only things he wanted at the moment were a good hot shower and cuddles with you, his girlfriend. he was on his way to your dorm, his duffel bag over the shoulder, looking rather worn out.

the sight of your girlfriends stumbling out of your dorm, a vivid trail of alcohol behind them, and giggling to themselves made mattheo roll his eyes, a short but amused chuckle escaping him. you didn’t tell him you were going to have a wine night with the girls, and the prospect of your tipsy self being his companion for the evening was equal parts adorable and annoying.

he entered right after the girls left, and the sight that met him was just as he expected – you on the bed, in a cute little nightgown, an empty glass in your hand, which you were still holding up to your lips, trying to get the last drop out. the view of your thighs in that nightgown was very tempting, but mattheo restrained himself – you were drunk, after all.

"hi, sweet girl," he said in the softest voice he could manage, even though he couldn’t completely get rid of the amusement. "and sweet jesus…" he added in a murmur, shaking his head when he saw three – three! – wine bottles scattered on the floor next to the bed.

"matty?"

you lifted your head up, meeting his gaze with your pretty, glossy eyes, and mattheo had to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent a huge grin from spreading on his lips. the corners of his mouth were still curled up, though.

"yeah, matty," he answered, tossing his bag aside and sitting down on the edge of the bed, looking at you with a small tilt of his head. you mirrored his action, tilting your own head to the side, and sighed, reaching out to trace your finger along his cheek. it didn’t linger, though, since you barely had any strength to hold up your arm, and your hand fell onto the bed, eliciting a giggle from you.

"how was-" a hiccup. "how was practice, baby?" you finally managed to ask, placing your glass on the bedside table. too close to the edge, though, because mattheo had to use his reflexes to catch it halfway to the floor.

"just the usual," he answered while placing the glass safely out of your reach, unable to hold in a small laugh. "you’re drunk, honey," he noted, not putting it past you to deny this obvious fact.

you pouted, hearing a hint of judgement in his voice – it wasn’t actually there, but your wasted mind sensed it nevertheless. a crease settled between your eyebrows, because how was it fair of mattheo, of all people, to judge you for having just a little – a little! – with your girls?

"hey, hey," mattheo quickly corrected himself, seeing that his commentary wasn’t necessary at the moment. his hand rested on your flushed cheek, wiping away a stray tear that escaped your eye – a sign of your emotional vulnerability, which wasn’t an uncommon occurrence in your drunken state. "please, don’t cry," he murmured, giving you a small, reassuring smile to let you know that he wasn’t judgemental, just a little amused.

the pout didn’t go away. mattheo did his best to stifle a chuckle, shifting on the bed to move closer and pull you into a gentle hug. he knew he’d have to deal with his drunk girlfriend for the rest of the evening, which wasn’t what he was expecting after the tiring practice, but he couldn’t complain, not really. it was you, after all, and you were, for the lack of a better word, perfect.

[itrainswhenurhere]

party 4 you frat!rafe x sorority!reader

18+ mature (emetophobia warning aswell queens)

mlist

a/n: part 2 here this is my first time writing for rafe x reader so lmk how i’m doing! no one likes when i write ship fics and they get like 20 notes so yeah ill just kms then idm😊😊 also i know nothing about frats or sororities alsooo… series???

the party was loud. you could practically hear the inevitable ringing echoing through your ears all of tomorrow and maybe the day after.

the speaker in the living room blasted all around the house like an inescapable torture. the smell of sweat and sex radiated every surface of delta chi.

god you wanted to go home.

you navigate through the crowd, shoving the occasional frat boy and shouting a “watch it.” at anyone who backed up into you.

the red, blue and green lights bounced off the walls and bodies clung and and jumped to eachother like it was the only thing keeping them alive.

this was bullshit. everyone here was ugly or annoying or a creep or all of the above. sarah, your sorority sister had promised you that there would be someone that lived up to your standards here. yeah right. the incels in here will do just fine sarah.

to be fair to them, no one throws a party like delta chi do, or, their president does. it’s by far the most lively of all the weekends you waste away at these events.

“babeeee,” you hear someone squeal from behind you once you finally make your way to the kitchen.

“do you uhh, know where the 4 lokos are at? sarah took the punch away from me.”

you turn to look and of course it’s hanna. she had probably hooked up with about 3 people tonight and vomited atleast twice, based on her breath.

“i think,” you start, shouting over the music, placing two grounding hands on her shoulders. “maybe we should get you home girl.”

the words come out slightly slurred and not entirely believable, but you try and act as sober as possible so sarah doesn’t appear out of nowhere and take your own red solo cup.

“also we’re not in middle school han, no one drinks 4 lokos anymore.” you laugh shout in the girls ear.

hanna laughs back at you as obnoxiously as possible, now leaning into your straightened arms for support.

“i’m going…. up- upstairs.” she hiccups out as her laugh turns to a pained expression, which safe to say, are from the copious amounts of alcohol she had consumed tonight.

“yesss!!!” you scream excitedly at her. “i can’t hear my own fucking thinking.”

“same, jesus im fucking dying.” she groans dramatically.

you grab a cheap beer from the kitchen, and with hanna stumbling behind you, you make your way upstairs fairly easily, apart from the sticky pit of people crammed into the main room.

the sounds from downstairs are definitely fainter, although chaos ensues one floor or another. there are people in the hallways making out slowly and the distracting thumping of a headboard ringing from some room or another.

jesus this house is huge. you think to yourself. you decide there must be somewhere here to relax for a little bit and wallow in the fact that no one here radiates sex worthy energy instead of ‘in need of anti-persperant deodorant.’

after many, many, walks in on people doing indescribable things to eachother, you find an empty room.

you throw yourself onto the bed and rub the heels of your hands over your eyes, caught up in the shapes and colour patterns under your eyelids when you rub hard enough.

“i’m gonna be sick, again.” hanna groans as loud as she did over the ear bleeding bass music, sounding- somehow, even more dramatic now.

you sit up on the edge of the bed and determine wether or not she just wants something to complain about.

sure enough, hanna’s face, streaked with running mascara- is sickly pale. she gags on air and you can see the exact moment she feels it in her throat.

“go to the- um- fucking bathroom then.” you blurt out, standing quickly, not used to hanna actually living up to her dramatics.

luckily, there’s an en-suite in whatever bedroom you and her have landed in, which she sprints to and kneels down just in time for the vomit to spew out her mouth.

you’re standing at the door, wincing like the whole ordeal is paining you yourself, unsure of what to do with your hands as the brunette now holds herself up by the seat of toilet.

she groans again,quieter but slightly more pained this time.

“bitch, if i’m not in my bed in the next ten minutes, i’m going downstairs and unplugging that fucking speaker myself.”

you resist the urge to snort out a laugh at her again, because you know for a fact within ten minutes, hanna will be begging to go back to the dance floor.

“yep.” you say, eyes darting around for something that will help her at this moment.

“y’know, it hurts like, more, everytime…” she says like it’s some kind of revelation. you’re opening up bottoms drawers and cabinets in the bathroom now, trying to find hanna some kind of relief.

you open the top cabinet and find three paracetamol that probably won’t do the job, but you figure anything is better than nothing.

the door of the bedroom you had forgotten to lock opens and you almost immediately assume it’s some wasted couple who haven’t noticed the two of you yet.

when you turn around and find sarah walking at a surprisingly stable pace towards you. you almost jump in relief.

“oh my god, you might actually be my saviour.” you clasp your hands at her and nod your head to where hanna is now sitting against the drawers below the sink.

sarah is the president of your sorority, and she never fails to save all of your asses when things like this happen.

“do not thank me right now, i just walked in on like five different naked couples.” she shakes herself off, trying to forget the images in her head as she leans down toward hanna.

“what the actual fuck,” she pauses, shaking her head in worried amusement. “could you have possibly had to drink?” she snorts lovingly at her.

“how did it get worse after i took your drink off you??”

you’re now leaning against the door, shrugging sluggishly at sarah. “you are soooo lucky i called us a ride when i first got it off you.”

“kill yourself sarah, oh my god i’m literally dying here.” hanna shakes her head at the floor, huffing, clearly okay again if she has the ability to restart crying wolf.

“topper will be here in five, let’s get you up.” she grabs the girls hand and hoists her up, holding her up by the armpits, both of them in hysterics again as they stumble over feet.

after you both walk hanna outside- arms over you and sarah’s shoulders, while you all giggle profusely at eachother, you decide to be the one who has to go in and get hanna’s discarded phone from the kitchen (hanna coughing like she’s diseased and sarah patting her back.)

you pad through the rooms- heels clicking (though not even nearly heard over all the screaming and terrible squeaky music.)

when you finally reach the kitchen, you have to pry the phone out of two drunk guys’ careless hands. you think they were planning on stealing it before you turn the phone around see the couple hundred selfies they’d taken, now uploaded to hannas icloud.

you fiddle with the phone, making sure it’s not been cracked or opened somehow, when the taller of the men reach down to grab it back from you.

“hey.” a voice booms through the all the other sound around the house.

you follow the voice and your eyes land on the tall, maybe 6,3, muscular, mousy haired source- who is staring daggers into the boy who’s hand is frozen in the air, half extended, previously ready to force the phone out of your hands.

both of the men mutter a ‘whatever’ under their breaths, clearly feigning nonchalance at the man while simultaneously speed walking out of the room, pushing into the main crowd.

“sorry about them, they’re fucking gone, seriously.” his piercing blue eyes, highlighted by the green light shining along the side of them, bore into you.

“uh, yeah,” you pause to try and work out who this man is and why you haven’t seen him before, brain still slightly sluggish from the alcohol. “i noticed.”

he too, takes a second to seemingly take you in. “hey, i’m rafe” he shouts over the music, tone strikingly different from the way he had spoken to those boys, not that you would notice, his voice commands enough respect that has a way of making everything else go still.

it takes a second for your brain to catch on to the familiarity of his name. rafe. hm. rafe? oh my god. rafe.

sarah’s old brother. the president of delta chi, who you had heard so much about, yet somehow, never seen. according to your sister, cecily, he’s never seen at his parties because he’s upstairs fucking any girl he lays his eyes on.

your eyes clearly match your surprise, and he clocks instantly that you now recognise him. he’s heard about you, obviously. every single man here has been trying their luck with you all night. and every other night that you float into their vision.

he also clearly clocks that the phone you’re retrieving isn’t yours, looking down at cracked, pink, iphone 13 already safely in your hand.

“that your friends?” he snaps you out of your daze.

“oh, yeah, you know hanna? she’s outside with sarah, toppers getting them.”

disapproval flashes over his face at the mention of toppers name. “seriously, sarah’s still going out with that, jesus.”

“hey!! they’re in love!” you slur over your words again, in a way that makes him raise his eyebrows, but he doesn’t comment.

“come on, i’ll walk you out, so you can give that to your friend.”

“oh no, that’s fine, i’m going with them anyways.” you shout as he turns you by your shoulders out pushes you gently by the small of your back out of the kitchen.

he parts the crowd as he walks by, in a way that makes you want to huff, scoff and promptly undress.

he doesn’t seem to pay any mind to your comment about you going with his sister, and your not sure if it’s because he doesn’t care, or if he has other plans.

once you free yourself from the sweating confines of the frat, you breath in the fresh air and slightly quieter night.

you spot hanna and sarah still sitting on the curb of the pavement, hugging eachother for warmth.

before you can shout that you’ve found the phone. rafe grabs your arm and is now able to audibly whisper in your ear.

“you’ll come to my room when they leave, i can help you get home afterwards?” which he phrases as a question, but it’s not.

shivers run visibly down your spine when you finally realise what he’s implying, and you shudder from what could be passed off as the cold air.

before you can ask him which room and where it is, he turns on his heel and disappears back into the crowd of moving bodies.

you stand frozen for about ten seconds before sarah turns around and waves you over.

toppers car is now parked infront of them and hanna has already moved into the backseat with help from sarah.

you walk at a fast pace over to the blonde and place the phone-as firmly as your drunk body can, in her hand.

“umm hey, so i think im gonna stay for a bit longer, like, carly just said she’d drop me off later, i met her in the hall and- you know.” you speak, quicker than normally, wondering where all this enthusiasm is coming from.

sarahs slightly tipsy mind contemplates for a second before she decides, “okay girl!! have fun, don’t get too dicked down!!!” she squeals at the end, clearly not picking up on your obvious tone.

“bye guysss.” you wave off at the car as sarah gets in and topper offers a polite nod before driving away.

the small trip upstairs is agonizing, you spend the entire time wondering what rafe had meant, i mean, he barely knew you, you thought.

still, your thoughts started shifting to between your legs as you start opening and shutting doors when the people inside the room shout profanities at you for opening it.

you imagine what he had done to those girls, for them to speak about him likes he had hung the moon and stars.

you imagine him doing whatever that may be, to you.

would he push your head down and have you on your knees?

would he worship you until you were begging him to stop?

would he go slow and deep or would he fuck you like his life depends on it?

as that thought crosses your mind, you decide to try your luck on the room you and sarah had previously scooped hanna up from.

when the door clicks open, you’re not met with scandalised eyes trying to cover themselves, or even the couples who are so drunk that they don’t even notice the clicking noise.

you’re met with rafe. he’s fixing a shirt on what you now know is his chest of drawers. his king sized bed. his en-suite. his so very frat boy decor. his everything.

“hey angel.” he greets, looking up as you shut his door and click the lock over.

“um, hi.” he moves calculatedly over to your place infront of the door and collides his face with yours.

before you even have time to question him, ask him what he’s doing, why he didn’t go for someone else at the start of the party, or even if he had gone to someone else, you’re kissing him back.

he starts slow, but the second your tongue brushes along his lower lip, he freezes for a second, malfunctioning, before gripping your chin and hold you in place to deepen the kiss.

it’s messy. really messy. probably thanks to you, your spit was already all over his chin from occasionally missing him mouth and licking at his face, although he seems to return it with the same fervour, gripping over your dress and digging his nails over your ass.

he turns you and starts moving you towards his bed, now his go to lick into everywhere he can possibly reach, as fast as possible.

he sits in the edge of the bed and pulls you down with him, gasping and catching his breath already.

your legs are on either side of his hips and he groans a cry of pleasure when your press down onto his hard cock.

“jesus fuck.” he pants along your neck when you continue to rock up and down onto him, his jeans occasionally snagging over your wanting clit.

the thought crosses your mind that sarah would probably be so happy to see you finally picking someone to get laid by, but not as happy that you’re about to fuck her brother.

before you can stop yourself, you let out a slightly rude laugh into shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

he pulls away from your neck and looks up at you quizzically.

“uh, what was that?” he questions. “i was just giggling, chill.” you state, suppressing another laugh at picturing sarah’s face when she finds out.

“are you serious, that was not a giggle. you full on laughed.” he stares like he’s connecting pieces of a puzzle on your face, which from this angle only makes him more appealing.

after a beat. “how much have you had to drink?”

the question catches you slightly off guard, whatever was in those red cups were clearly catching up to you now.

“well, not a lot, i mean, obviously i pregamed though.” you nod at him as if to say ‘duh.’

“your friend said you weren’t drunk.”

a look of confusion passes over your face “huh, when did you talk to my friends?” you say, now very confused.

“like maybe half an hour ago, hanna, anna, maybe?” he studies you once again, still slightly wearing that smirk.

“ohhhh, yeah. that makes sense. i’m like, dry january sober compared to hanna either way.” you laugh at your own joke.

you shift slightly and his still very obvious erection presses back onto your clit. you completely forget all about sarah and attempt to grind down on him again.

he grabs your hips and holds them in place firmly, leaving no room for argument, even though it looks like it physically pains him to stop you, and he has to shut his eyes.

“look, not tonight.” he speaks, looking up at you again, pupils blown out from the previous adrenaline.

you visibly pout at him in a way that no one would catch you dead doing sober.

before you even have time to wonder why he won’t just fuck you, why he won’t just do what he seems to do with every other girl, he’s lifting you up like he’s going to move you off him before she shifts his own legs and this time, places you between one of his thighs.

“you’re not gonna fuck me?” you ask, still not fully sure of what he’s trying to do.

“no, you can do it yourself, i’ve been waiting for a while to talk to you, i’ll wait a night more.” he watches the realisation dawn on your face at what he’s asking you to do, a mix of shock and desperate, desperate arousal.

the way he speaks, hard and cold, but also excessively cocky and egotistical, has you moving all of your weight onto his singular leg.

“there you go.” he looks rough. still not cracking a full emotion, but now extremely sharp around the edges, still heavy breathing.

he’s going to watch you get off on his thigh. it turns you on so much that you almost moan before the first movement of your hips, but when you feel the way his muscles tense under you, just for your pleasure, you don’t hold back.

he’s now playing with your ass, hands under your underwear, as you rock yourself back and forth on the denim on his leg.

your mouth is strung open and your eyes are squeezed shut as you feel yourself getting close embarrassingly quick.

rafe is peppering sloppy wet kisses over your neck and down past your collarbone, moaning almost as loud as you when he sees his brand new jeans completely ruined by the slick dripping out of you and onto him with every movement.

“yeah that’s it, feels good doesn’t it?” he strains, physically holding himself back from flipping you onto your stomach and having you exactly how he wants you.

“mhm, yes.” you reply over a whimper you didn’t think you had in you. the pressure is so close to snapping inside you that all that leaves your mouth is strings of ‘yes’ and ‘please’ when he asks you if you want to cum.

he reaches down to where you’re now desperately humping his leg and slides your underwear to the side, hearing the pathetic cry that leaves your mouth in response.

“fuck, oh my god, please please-” it all snaps when he pulls you back by your ass and viciously pushes you back onto his flexing leg.

your mouth opens wider than before- if possible, nothing coming out for a few seconds before a needy, whorish whine leaves you and you’re panting into the crook of his neck, still riding your high- with his help and biting into the flesh of his shoulder.

he gives you a good minute of helping you slow down the drag across his thigh, which is now soaked to the point that he can feel you seeping through to his bare skin.

he lifts your chin up so you can properly hear what he’s about to say.

he almost stutters when he sees you, still panting, mouth wide open and pliant, hair a mess. but he doesn’t.

“come around tomorrow.” which exploits a soft ‘mhm’ from your sore throat, nodding up at him, now completely putty in his hands.

“did that feel good?” he whispers, leaning into your ear when you nod again in approval.

“imagine what i can do with my cock.”

[etfrin]

❝ꜱᴏᴜʟꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ❞ — chapter nine | coriolanus snow

「ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ:」 SFW | Coriolanus, hints of somnophilia/non-con [spoiler! Coriolanus steals some kisses while reader is asleep, and reader kinda does the same] | lmk if I missed anything

「ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ:」 young! Coriolanus Snow x fem! Reader

「ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:」 Coriolanus leaves you to check out the arena, the night before the games and... WELL... WELL... you find him!

「ᴀ/ɴ:」 for those who asked, i tried my best to deliver, please give me your feedback and reblog! Thank you!

Beta read by the FABULOUS @nowitsmissing

series masterlist | navigation

Coriolanus Snow left you alone. He had to sneak out and check out the arena. The Hunger Games would continue forward. He needed any leverage he could get. Even if it meant to leave your side for the night. He found his clothes in the same bag that you had kept empty of food in. He changed into them.

He bites his lower lip to distract himself from the pain. This was of higher priority. He could rest when he wins. At least, that's what he tells himself as he finishes buttoning off his shirt. Before he could walk out of the room, he leaned down. Your eyelashes were big up close, and so, so enchanting. He felt annoyed that he noticed such a minuscule thing. It was not of importance how long or short your eyelashes are, they added to your beauty.

He couldn't talk himself out of it, he pressed his lips to yours. Your lips were soft. Your lips were perfect. Your lips were poisonous, and addicting because how could he ever stop himself after he already had a taste? So he pressed another kiss to your lips, a bit harder than the previous peck. He pulls away with a gasp and swallows his shame roughly.

“I'll be back,” he whispered to you before he pressed another kiss, unable to stop himself. There was nothing friendly about this. This was a man at the edge of the cliff, one more step and he would fall into a pit of obsession. Nobody can drag him out of it. He barely stops himself from stealing another kiss from you. He forces his legs to walk away from you, it pained him more than any of his physical wounds.

The security around the arena was nonexistent, each peacekeeper in guard sleeping. He slipped right in, checking out the debris. The middle of the arena had huge blocks of fallen pieces of debris, all the weapons will be placed there tomorrow. He checked out around the area and found tunnels to go under and even a vent to hide in.

He turned around ready to leave and relay all of this to Lucy Gray Baird. However, an uncharacteristic yell leaves his lips as he sees you. Your arms are crossed in front of your chest and your face in a frown. So unlike how he left you on the bed resting. He swallows and wonders briefly if you informed anyone of his breaking. He was also curious about how you found him.

It's not like he has a tracker on him, right?

“How did you find me here?” He asked, nervous and tried not to fidget too much.

“I just thought ‘What is the most stupid thing Coriolanus can do?’” your voice turns sarcastic, “Surprise! It led me here.”

“Very funny,” he mutters, not amused at all, “And it's Coryo now.”

“You lost your ‘Coryo’ privilege, Snow.”

Guess he will just have to earn it back.

He pouts, knowing exactly why you were mad. But certainly, you could see the reason why he had to leave despite being freshly injured. He had to survey the place! Get leverage! He has to win at all, otherwise, what's the price of his life?

You walked up to him, pulling him down by his shirt collar. His breath hits your lips. And he could kiss you again. Of course, he didn't. He wanted to steal another kiss so bad that a soft nearly audible whisper of your name fills the air.

“You didn't even leave a note or a warning or anything.”

“Sorry,” he whispered, hoping that apologizing despite not regretting his actions would fix everything. Or at least get his nickname privileges back.

You scoff, “You don't even mean it, Coryo.”

You called him Coryo again, he didn't need to mean it. He would take the win. He gives you a small smile. “I am sorry,” he repeated, trying to put some heart into it.

“A liar and a thief,” you whispered, your eyes glinting with an emotion he couldn't decipher, “Truly one of a kind you are, Coriolanus.”

He frowned. He understood the fact he was indeed a liar. But where did the talk of being a thief come from? Before he could question you further about calling him a thief. You begin to drag him back into your car on the cold night. He sits at the window seat in the front, you beside him. He didn't ask if you had a driver's license. He felt like he was better without knowing.

“Was the Zoo the next location?” You asked your tone on edge with leftover anger over his actions.

“Yes,” he replied with the gentlest tone possible, not wanting anything to trigger an eruption. He fidgeted with his hands, wondering why he had come here when he could have used the night to steal kisses instead. When he could have slept with you, his arm around you and your heartbeat matching his. Such an ideal night, and he ruined it.

“So what did you find, pretty boy?” You asked.

He blushed at the nickname you called him. He doesn't give attention to his heated cheeks as he replies rather enthusiastically about everything (not everything, he kept some places a secret, only for Lucy Gray's ears to hear) and strategies (again not all of them).

You even add some pointers along the way. And he enjoyed the conversation thoroughly. He never thought he could connect with you like this, but he couldn't deny that he was happy about it. His lips stretched in a grin as you both discussed plans for Lucy Gray to win.

“Don't you care about Jessup?” He asked, the chain of conversation interrupted because he wasn't the only one with tribute. So why were you helping him?

You looked at him briefly before looking forward again. “You and I both know that poor boy is as good as dead,” you said, your voice hard, “I would rather let you win instead if I am out of the games.”

Coriolanus nods at the answer. That was understandable. “I am sorry,” this time he meant it, “I should have woken you up,” he looked at the window, ashamed, “It was a foolish thing to do to leave you alone without warning.”

“I am glad you have the brains to understand what you did wrong, and the guts to admit it,” you said, and he felt proud like he got the hardest question in an exam right. “You're forgiven as long as you don't do it again.”

He nods but doesn't make any promises. He did what he had to do. He will do it again, and take you as company the next time. That way he's not fucking up.

Soon, the car reaches its destination. He gets out of the car and you decide to stay, parked in front of the zoo gates. He quickly decided to only tell the key points to Lucy Gray because he refused to let you be alone for too long at night.

He walked into the zoo and reached the cage where he called out the Songbirds’ name. Lucy Gray appears before him with a concerned look. “Is everything alright?” She asked.

“Yes,” he confirmed and began to explain. He said not to run towards the weapons first and go to the hiding place. He tells her to wait it out and a few more strategies so she has better chances to survive and he has better chances to win. He doesn't notice Lucy Gray's tears but a sob catches his attention.

He's annoyed because it's time to listen to him and not be a child if she wants to survive tomorrow. Instead, he gives her a handkerchief he found in his pants pocket and hands it to her to wipe away her tears. He softens his tone and speaks slower. Even using easier terms to make it look like child's play.

Lucy Gray nods and agrees to his plans. She returns the handkerchief and he stuffs it back in. “It's going to be fine,” he said, “You're going to win, Lucy Gray.”

“I can pray, Coriolanus,” Lucy replied, her voice vulnerable in a way that reminded him of the fact she was a teenager like him. She even had a soulmate, Sejanus Plinth. And she loses it all if she doesn't win tomorrow.

“You will win.” He will win.

And with that, it's goodbye and Coriolanus leaves the zoo. The ride back home is quiet. You don't ask what he and Lucy Gray talked about. He doesn't offer any information either. It was a comfortable silence that he needed. He went to his old habit of stroking his soulmate's scar. Was it just him or did the scar seem to be healing?

He couldn't check it out in front of you. Within minutes you parked in front of the penthouse, and he wanted to ask you inside. There's no way he wanted you to drive alone at such late night.

But inviting you inside would mean revealing his secret. The secret that he kept for a decade. The secret was his motivation for everything. The secret that could ruin him.

Was ensuring your safety worth revealing it? He could ask you to call his landline when you reached home, but each minute until you called would be nothing less of hell for him. His mind overthinking possibilities with the result of you being hurt. He wasn't sure his poor heart could take it.

Both of you step out of the car. He can't make up his mind. He opens his mouth to invite you in or say goodbye he doesn't know. You speak first instead. Your eyes meet his blue ones.

“How many kisses did you steal, Coryo?”

He wants to lie. He knew in his mind that it wouldn't do him any good. He feels his palm sweat, his fingers itching to touch the scar to calm himself down. He was sure that he was going to have a heart attack in the next minute or so.

“Three,” he answered, ready for whatever curses and punishment you would give him for his sins. He would go on his knees for you, let the cold street scrap his skin and crimson stain the spot if it meant your forgiveness. He would grovel, and beg, strip himself of his pride for you.

Or he could manipulate you. Fill your mind with lies that it's what friends do. Being district, he doubted you had many friends of Capitol culture. He could lie, lie, and lie. It's what friends do.

As his mind fights to choose his next course of action. You flash him a vixen smile, and whisper, “You didn't have to steal them.”

He couldn't even process what you meant before you pressed a kiss on his jaw. His eyes closed and let out a shaky breath. He gasps softly when the next press of your lips is so close to his lips.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, please, kiss him.

You don't. You pull back and grin. It takes him an embarrassing moment to come back to reality. His ear burning, and his lips parted waiting for the third kiss you never gave him.

“It's what friends do,” you shrugged, lying to yourself and him. Both of you had to, there's no other way around it. Coriolanus knew why for him, but what about you? Were you simply playing with the strings of his heart? He would allow it for now.

For after the Plinth Prize, you will be his.

“Come with me,” he said, “It's not safe to be traveling so late at night.”

You agree with him without much protest. He noticed your discomfort as both of you walked up the twelve flights to reach his broken, shameful, secret home. He grits his teeth, awaiting your reaction to the truth of the Snow family.

You don't say anything. “Show me where I will be sleeping, Coryo,” you yawn instead, not even disgust on your face from the rotting wallpapers.

He is surprised and grateful. He feels an uncontrollable urge to hug you, and barely keeps himself from not wrapping his arms around you.

“I suppose you wouldn't mind sharing a bed with me,” he said, quietly, not wanting Tigris or Grandma’am to wake up. You nod in affirmation and he shows you his room with a bit of confidence. It was just as horrible as the rest of the house but it was his.

The bed in the corner with clean bed sheets. The stack of books and finished assignments on his desk. His wardrobe, the wood old and chipped. But all of it was his.

You immediately made your way to the bed and made yourself wholly comfortable. Like it was yours. And in a way, everything of his is yours. He would give it to you if you asked nicely enough, maybe throw in a kiss or two.

You pull the covers up and wait for Coryo to sleep in. Usually, he would wear his pajamas, but right now he couldn't bring himself to care. He lays down, mindful of his injury. He turns towards you. His eyes searched for yours, and the air mixed with both of your shared breaths. Not even an inch apart were both of you due to how small his bed was.

He closed his eyes and whispered goodnight. He doesn't get a reply. He fills his mind quickly falling back to the darkness as his actions catch up to him, taking away whatever strength he had left.

The last thing he feels, which surely is a dream, is a press of your lips against his. Stealing a kiss. And he hears you whisper, unsure if it's a dream or not but he will remember the words until he dies.

“I have you now, Coriolanus Snow. I won't let you go.”

NEXT PART

[ladymoody]

RED LIPSTICK

mattheo riddle x fem!reader

︎warnings: flirty, alcohol, smoke, drugs, throwing up, swearing, breast cupping, possessive behavior.

word count: 1,3k

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ masterlist ; navigation ; my website

it’s september again, a not-so-hot-month anymore, yet not cold yet. I was walking with blaise, wearing my favorite leather jacket and my hair down, a bit messy. we were heading towards draco’s manor where he was used to throwing huge parties for the slytherins and of course, he had invited us.

it was about midnight, and the streets were almost empty. blaise was walking beside me on the roadside sidewalk, protectively trying to keep an eye on passing cars.

“are you going to get high?” he asked.

“maybe. you?”

“is that even a question? malfoy hasn’t made a decent party for years, of course, I’m gonna take the opportunity.”

blaise chuckles, knowing that I will have ended up wasted like always and he will have needed to carry me to my room again.

(time skip)

the lights were flashing, enough to make you dizzy and confused. blaise and I were used to it, but the loud music tested our limits — I’ll admit that.

“grab my hand.” he said as he started to make his way into the thick crowd. I took his hand and I followed him, merging with the sweaty and dancing people. I could smell the alcohol and the smoke and I couldn’t wait to get drunk and forget.

blaise spotted draco and waved at him, draco saw us and approached us as well.

“zabini, y/l/n. welcome.” draco said.

draco and blaise chatted a bit as if I wasn't desperate to touch alcohol, and seeing them casually having a conversation with this loud music was annoying me more and more.

I started watching the crowd, checking if I could find any other friend of mine that I could leave blaise for, and there our gazes met. mine and mattheo's.

god, I hated that man.

everybody knew him, and I knew him too, maybe even too well for someone who hadn't had a proper conversation with him — but rumors spread quickly, and I knew for sure that he was a bad influence.

I saw him stop dancing, he was rubbing against a girl that I didn't know but she didn't look as if she minded, and he started walking toward me. not even a second passed without him breaking the eye contact with me and I was getting uncomfortable.

he had a drink in his hand and his usual cut across the bridge of his nose, he greeted blaise.

I didn't know why I was so disappointed but I thought he would come up to me. I knew we didn't talk much, yet somehow I had hoped for him to have a word with me instead of his usual male friends.

"what's up, zabini." they started chatting, and I couldn't help espy his eyes so lingering and magnetic.

"sorry, what was your name again?" he finally shifted his gaze on me and I felt a shiver running down my spine as his eyes laid on my lips.

"y/l/n. y/n yl/n." I said and he simply nodded, getting his attention back to blaise. this time I noticed how he stole more looks at me, maybe he didn't like my presence there.

mattheo and I met many times, yet shared so few words. the only time we talked was for a divination project — he was my deskmate and mrs. trelawney paired us. mattheo didn't really work with me and left all the work to me while was probably fucking around. I recall us organizing a meeting to work together but he never showed up.

I decided to go look for pansy, my best friend, and see how she was doing.

"excuse me." I mutter as I leave my friends to merge into the crowd. it was so hard trying to spot a brown-haired girl in a room full of flashing colored lights and people moving around everywhere, but somehow I managed to find her eventually.

"pansy!" I called her out and she turned around, immediately smiling at the sight of me approaching her.

we hugged and talked for a bit, then she led me towards the alcohol.

(skip time)

my vision was corrupted by the amount of vodka drunk and weed smoked, I couldn't stop laughing with pansy as we literally took turns throwing up in the toilet.

"how are we still fucking alive...?" pansy panted, grinning.

"I don't know, but I swear this is the last time I'm getting this wasted... it's too much and the idea of smoking joints while drinking wasn't the best, huh?"

"oh sorry for trying to indulge your urge to get completely vulnerable and plastered."

I rolled my eyes, and then the women's restroom door opened wide. I couldn't perfectly see who it was, but I could tell by the manly figure that it wasn't a girl.

"oh sorry, ladies." a familiar voice said. mattheo? as pansy started to puke in the toilet again, I stood up from the cold floor and walked to him to have a better view.

"what the fuck? this is the girl's restroom." I said, stumbling to get to him.

he chuckled and smirked at the sight of me being that drunk and goofy, but I could tell he wasn't so sober either.

"I got confused. I drank a bit and couldn't see the sign on the door." he casually said, incredibly close to me.

and there something inside of me lit up. I didn't know what it was, but the way he spoke to me, finally shifting his attention on me, looking at me with those big brown eyes of his and his innocent face — and mattheo was everything but innocent — made me feel... attracted by him.

"you're here all alone, y/n?" his voice snapped me back to reality, the way he remembered and said my name was almost electrifying.

"there's pansy-" I couldn't finish my sentence as his hand reached out to brush a strand of my hair off my face. I just looked at him confused, captivated, and needy.

I realized at that moment that I wanted him, even casually, but I did.

"why that red lipstick?" he asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

"it matched the outfit."

"it doesn't suit you." he bitterly said. I was puzzled and slightly offended until he added something more.

"I'll ruin it for you." he said before crashing his lips to mine.

what the fuck. that’s what I thought. I had always thought of him as the “womanizer” and the type of guy that will use you, leave you, and think he owns you but still not want anything serious. he was somehow famous in the school and I hated him, but maybe the alcohol made me a bit bolder, a bit less of a thinker, and I just found myself not pulling away from his lips.

he pushed me backward as he kissed me, his hands firmly gripping my hips as he pulled them towards his. I backed against a door, opening it with our weight and stepping in.

mattheo’s hands were now wrapped around my waist and my arms around his neck. he forced me against the wall and kept devouring my mouth. it wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was more an angry kiss as if he was letting all his anger out on me. I wasn’t complaining, though.

his right hand started to wander under my top, getting to my bra and cupping my breast to squeeze it hard. I let out a moan at his gesture, and he immediately broke the kiss.

“wear less makeup next time,” he said as he pulled away, opened the door, and headed towards the restroom exit. my lips were now swollen from the intensity of the kiss, and my red lipstick was almost fully gone. I stood there in confusion, looking at him with a mix of lust, anger, and disappointment.

damn.

[slvttyharlow]

Missing Anniversary.

Featuring. Jack Harlow x Fem! Wife! Reader.

Anonymous Request. Can you write a jack fic where he misses an important date like anniversary or something so a little angsty that turns into fluff.

Summary. Jack misses an anniversary and you’re upset.

General Tags. Angst and Fluff.

Content Warnings. Crying that's it.

Word Count. 809.

Notes. Anon, I hope I did your request justice, I'm so nervous, this is my first fic that's out on this acc and I really wish I did good, please go easy on me. If you'd like to be tagged when future works are out, you can fill out that taglist form.

Extra. Requests are open, please read my rules beforehand! / Comments, likes, and reblogs are highly appreciated but not pressured.

Starred Links. Navigation + Masterlist + Prompts + Taglist

When Jack came home, you were sitting on the couch strolling through your Instagram not even throwing a glance his way. He walks in and smiles when he sees you. “Hey babe, it was a good day at the studio, got a lot done but I missed you though.” He said with a huge smile on his face as he walked up to you going to kiss your lips but you moved your head slightly so that his lips met your cheek. 

“What was that?” He questioned but you just ignored him and kept scrolling through your phone. You were pissed and you had every right to be, today was your wedding anniversary and you thought to make it special by cooking his favorite food and setting up his favorite lingerie that he could take off of you later but he forgot. You tried giving him the benefit of the doubt like maybe his phone stopped working but he texted you earlier asking you to send a picture of the cologne he regularly used.

You knew he would be busy with his album, and you were fine with that, you supported him every step of the way but you never expected him to forget an important day like this, you treasured this day so much, the day you married your high school sweetheart so him forgetting made you feel hurt, you’d have been happy if he just sent a text, it was the thought that count.

“So you not gon tell me why you’re acting weird?” Jack was getting quite annoyed at being ignored especially when he came home early to be with you since he missed you throughout the day, you were the only thing on his mind when he was at the studio so for you to be acting this way towards him was crazy. You simply rolled your eyes and got up and walked past him, bumping his shoulder as you walked to the dining table and picked up the plates of food that were now cold, and made your way to the kitchen to wrap them with saran wrap. 

Jack wondered what he could’ve done to make you this mad at him but he came up empty. What he did know was he wasn’t going to let you go to bed angry. “Babe, please tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it,” he spoke softly as he walked into the kitchen, watching you put the food in the fridge. You ignored him again and were about to make your way to the bedroom but Jack immediately got in front of you, stopping you from taking another step. “Nuh-uh, you know we don’t do silent treatment and no going to sleep angry at each other,” he says as he looks down at you. 

“Jackman move out of my way,” you said as you got annoyed with him being in your presence, not wanting to look into his eyes knowing if you do, you would give in like you always did. Jack was surprised by the use of his first name since you always called him ‘babe’ or ‘baby’. “Not until you tell me what's going on.” 

“Do you know what today is? Why don’t you check the date!” You yelled as you stepped back putting some distance between you and him. You watched him pull out his phone with a quizzical look on his face and when he sees the date, you turn your back towards him not wanting to make eye contact since you might start crying at any moment. “Baby… I’m so sorry, I thought it was tomorrow, I swear I have everything planned,” you stayed silent and he came closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him and that’s all it took for the tears to roll down your cheeks and he started rocking you back and forth.

“You know I love you right?” He says soothingly as he starts tracing shapes on your stomach, you nod your head silently and lean more into his touch. “I promise you, I thought the 25th was tomorrow and had everything ready for us to celebrate,” 

“It wouldn’t hurt you to start checking your calendar on your phone,” your response makes him chuckle. “Yes, I’ll be more up to date from now on, can we start over our anniversary for tomorrow, trust me you gon love what I have planned.” 

You turn around in his arms and look into his blue eyes. “Yes we can, I’m sorry I was mean to you,” he shakes his head. “Don’t apologize, I deserved it, I love you,” he rubs your arm a bit. “I love you too, babe,” he connects his lips with yours, holding you close to him not letting you go, come tomorrow he will make it all up to you.

© harlowsthetic 2023. | All Rights Reserved. Do not repost on other platforms, copy, steal, or translate any of my works!

[lees-chaotic-brain]

Hi there! I love your gojo x reader stories so much! And I saw a post that your requests are opened or I assume. After the jjk leaks I've been having gojo brain rot and I was wondering if you could possibly make this idea into a story?

My idea was that the fem reader is absolutely TERRIFIED of thunderstorms after fighting a special grade spirit who used lighting and thunder. She has PTSD and is receiving help to get over the fear but it's so bad that she hides under tables, beds and in closets as she sobs. I think it would be a cute augst/comfort/fluff idea of having gojo hearing her yelling after a loud thunder only to find her room 'empty' but she is hiding in the closet or under the bed sheets trembling and silently sobbing. And he of course does what he do best and be a good boyfi and conforts his little cry baby!

If you don't wish to do this I completely understand! Keep up the good work! ❣️🫰

omg thank you so much! also, this idea is amazing! i love it so much!

Shelter From the Storm (Gojo x Astraphobic Reader)

CW: PTSD, mentions of death, mentions of therapy, phobias, panic attacks, fluff, gojo satoru is a good boyfriend

JJK Masterlist | Blog Navigation

Stepping into your shared apartment, Gojo waited expectantly for you to come and greet him with his kiss. Instead a dark apartment welcomed him as rain pattered against the windows.

"Babe?"

He called out, kicking off his shoes and entering.

"Where are you?"

He saw your shoes, bag, and uniform jacket when he came in so he knows you're home. The question is where.

As he turned and began walking down the hallway to your shared bedroom, there was a blinding flash of lightning, and a deafening clap of thunder that seemed to shake the small apartment.

But that wasn't what caught his attention.

No, what caught his attention was the muffled shriek of terror that accompanied the thunder.

Bursting into the bedroom, he scanned it, prepared for the worst.

But the room was empty.

That's strange, he could've sworn he heard you scream...

Another loud clap of thunder split the air.

A high pitched whimper emanated from beneath the bed.

Concerned, Gojo walked over to the edge of the bed, and crouched down, peering underneath it.

"Sweetheart? You down there?"

"'T-Toru?"

You stammer out, voice shaking.

"Yeah baby, it's me. Are you okay? What are you doing down there?"

He can see your shaking form, curled up in a ball under the bed and his heart aches.

"C'mon baby. Let's get you out from under there."

Reaching under the bed, he tried to pull you out but you curled in on yourself more, refusing to leave your sanctuary.

Sighing, he pulled his hand back.

"What's going on? What are you afraid of? What can I do to help? C'mon baby talk to me."

"Th-thunder."

Your voice is hoarse from screaming, and Gojo feels a pang of guilt for not being home earlier.

"You're afraid of the thunder?"

"Mhm."

You mumble, before jumping and yelping as there is another loud boom.

"Hey, hey hey hey,"

He soothes, scooching closer to the edge of the bed. He contemplates the narrow gap before deciding to go for it.

Unfortunately, your giant boyfriend could not wedge himself under the bed with you.

Annoyed, but not discouraged, he came up with the next best option.

"Stay here sweetheart, I'll be right back, okay?"

You give him a tiny nod, and that's all the confirmation he needs before sprinting around the apartment gathering all the pillows, blankets and stuffed animals he could find. For good measure he also found a couple flashlights, a pair of headphones, a few of your favorite snacks, and a huge weighted blanket you usually reserve for camping.

Rushing back into the bedroom, he dumped everything onto a pile next to the bed and got to work.

A couple short minutes later, your boyfriend has successfully constructed a blanket fort right next to the bed so you can crawl out from under it and straight into the fort without having to expose yourself.

Your boyfriend had outdone himself. It was a huge blanket fort, high enough for both of you to be able to sit up in, and wide enough for the two of you to curl up with plenty of space.

Squeezing in after you, Gojo set the snacks in the corner and turned on the flashlights after double checking that the weighted blanket stopped any flashes of lightning from entering your little abode.

Satisfied that it was sufficient, he turned his attention on you.

You were a wreck, still in your uniform pants and undershirt, with mascara running down your cheeks.

"Hey baby."

He said gently, opening his arms.

"Let me take care of you, please."

You nod against his chest.

He pulls back, making sure to keep an arm around you at all times, and starts making a mental priority list.

By the time he's done fussing over you, he's removed all your makeup, helped you into your favorite pajamas, set up the headphones with loud, comforting music, fed you a couple snacks, and is cuddling you.

Needless to say, you were still a little tense, but you fell asleep rather quickly in the safety of your boyfriend's arms.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

After you had fully calmed down the next morning, you sat down with your boyfriend feeling that you owed him an explanation.

He reassured you that you didn't, but you wanted to tell him, especially after how sweet and careful he was with you last night.

So over your cups of coffee, you tell him all about the special grade that used a cursed lightning technique appeared out of nowhere when you were in junior high. About how your older brother, who had been attending Tokyo Jujutsu High at the time tried to defend you.

Tears begin to stream down your face, grief and guilt still plaguing you all these years later. Moving around the table and wrapping you in his arms, Gojo gives you the time you need.

Continuing, you tell him about how help arrived, but it had been too late. About how they had to pry you off your brother's charred body, the residual smell of ozone filling the air. About the years of trauma and PTSD flashbacks that followed any bright flashes of light or loud noises.

You explain the consequential years of therapy that allowed you to watch fireworks again, and helped you to work through (some of) the guilt.

And finally, you give him your therapist's phone number, explaining that you still meet with them once a week, and that if you ever get too out of control during a storm you can call them and they should be able to talk you down from your panic attack.

Needless to say, your boyfriend was completely understanding. He spent the rest of the day reassuring you that he didn't love you any less because of it, and that he was going to stay by your side.

Later he researches PTSD and panic attacks, trying to learn more about them so that he knows what to to.

He reaches out to your therapist, and asks for advice, because his heart breaks when he thinks about what you went through, and wants your therapist to know that there is nothing he wouldn't do for you.

Finally, he sets up storm notifications on his phone, so the instant there is even the slightest chance of a storm he can drop everything and be by your side.

And it quickly becomes a tradition to build a blanket fort every time there is a storm. Even once you begin to overcome astraphobia, Satoru refuses to stop, needing you to know that he will always be there, your own personal shelter from the storm.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Thanks for requesting!! I had so much fun writing this! If anyone has any other requests send them in! Also feel free to invade my ask box. I don't mind. Anyways, I hope this was what you were looking for!

[asleepinawell]

(almost) final thoughts on the dlc. obviously there are spoilers below

very mixed bag overall. I'm at the last boss fight now and did just about everything else except one or two mausoleums.

the good:

some really beautiful areas

horror stealth area! could have been a little smaller and had some more items but overall very cool

some of the bosses were excellent, like rellana and midra. also bayle was great after he finished slamming you into the fog gate and puking fire all over you for the first 30 seconds

dying to know more about that shaman village area that was marika's hometown. hoping i missed some lore someone else will pick up on. edit: i found the missing piece of lore that linked two things together and understand now. honestly this dlc was more about marika than miquella in some ways and i don't think that's a bad thing since the marika lore was more interesting. also adds some speculative insight into why she might have shattered the elden ring which is what i wanted

rellana's double moon spell is very cool and actually useful if you can time it well. possibly less practical than other spells but it looks cool

minimal platforming thank god

some very cool new weapons like rellana's swords. always wanted to look like pontiff sulyvan

the lgbtq community has forgiven mohg

the bad:

a lot of the world level design used multiple elevations. it was extremely hard to navigate and find some areas, moreso than in the base game

several map fragments were at the far end of the area they covered meaning you'd go through the whole area without a map so what was the point. also the elevation thing made this even harder

there were a lot of empty areas. I'd regularly find a way up to a plateau and it would be empty. there were whole main areas that had almost nothing. felt like they really wanted it to be huge for the sake of being huge and didn't have enough content to fill it in

when it went from day to night the lighting would go from yellow to extreme blue instantly. it was very disorienting and just looked bad

once again faith builds got a million new incants and boss weapons and magic builds got shafted. most of the new spells weren't even useful

you get a bunch of little maps you can view in your inventory and i couldn't fucking see them because they were so small

npc quests seemed to be harder than typical to track and it matters more because of the gank squad fight. also had some reappear when I'd obviously missed a part of their quest and they acted like i hadn't which was confusing

wasn't a huge fan of the new leveling system. mostly because i found it confusing about how it affected base stats. also a lot of the fragments were behind bosses so you couldn't go level up if you were having trouble. and some were very hard to find. doesn't feel like leveling should depend on that

there were a couple mechanics used by multiple bosses that seemed to be there just to inflate difficulty but were annoying and took away from the fights. notable examples were getting charged at the fog gate (bonus that this creates camera hell), room wide multihit aoes that are damned near impossible to dodge, and so much vfx you can't see your screen. some attacks seemed to expect you to jump which is just obnoxious

commander gaius. worst boss ever. least favorite in the entire series. supposed to be mounted combat but he can one shot torrent and is faster than him. wonky hit box that make it almost impossible to dodge his charge. charges you right as you enter too. distance spell that forms right under you and seems impossible to dodge. does a million damage and gives you no time to heal. usually when i fight a boss i get an idea of how the fight is supposed to work, but i couldn't tell you with this one. felt rushed and untested

jori elder inquisitor. dungeon boss. spams holy spells the track you under your feet and can't be interrupted out of the cast. summons up to 5 ads over and over. dogshit fight

the 4-5 man gank squad of npcs. did we learn nothing from ds2? also had extreme camera issues in that arena that were responsible for 99% of my deaths

the last boss. i haven't beaten him yet because i was so Done after the gank squad and here we have a boss who has every single issue i had with previous bosses but worse and way too much hp. supposedly that's a little better if you don't use the npcs but the npcs were super story invested in the fights and have custom dialogue so ???? most people who have beaten him seem to be using very specialized tanky builds. everyone is anticipating a nerf and I'm kind of waiting since I'm not excited for this boss and don't want to bang my head against him now

also was a really weird choice for story. I'm on team why not godwyn? i didn't have much invested in miquella and I'd expected him to be about how he was but the radahn thing just came outta nowhere. the whole brothers thing is just what I'd expect from grrm so no surprise there, just rolling my eyes, dude is a one trick pony. i do wish they'd filled in a little more on some stuff like how did malenia fit into all this? and why was miquella hanging out in the shadowlands?

neutral thoughts:

messmer was so hyped in the trailers and then i killed him fairly early and he was just some dude? hilarious

i listed more bad than good but that's not unexpected and not a condemnation. usually there are a lot of broad things these games do very well and a bunch of super specific gripes. it's worlds better than ringed city (except that one had an excellent last boss and this one...did not). I'd give it maybe a 6/10

[irregularsleepingfish]

I think it's really fucking funny that of all the songs on Will Wood's In Case I Make It (yeah I know. 20-something trans man that listens to will wood. how typical) - an album that has a song about euthanizing a pet, and another one from the perspective of a truly innocent (in action and in mindset) doormouse that gets poisoned by the humans that own the house it lives in, the one that makes me actually cry somewhat consistently is the one about getting married.

breaking this because it's gonna be long as fuck. content warning for trauma dump I fucking guess. I'm not offended if you skip this one trust <3

the reason why is so simple. I've spent my entire life not understanding why those around me think I'm such a freak and why I can't keep up with what the hell my parents want from me. turns out I'm neurodivergent (possibly and/or probably autistic, definitely adhd. maybe some other cocktail that I'm not even aware of) and when you grow up with conservative parents and a neurodivergent brother who was given attention and care and assistance that he needs, and your neurodivergence is "less obvious" than his, sorry kid you have to be the perfect child. I couldn't possibly have adhd or whatever. I was just lazy, you see - I was a spoiled, entitled brat and not doing my homework and failing my classes wasn't indicative of any real struggle. it was indicative of the fact that I hadn't been punished or disciplined enough, don't you see? my father once called me a bitch during a period where my friends at that time (hs girls so what can you do) abandoned me and I was having doors slammed in my face and being harassed at every opportunity. and whenever I'd bring this up as reasons that just MAYBE I'm a bit traumatized I'm told "man you still haven't gotten over that?"

i was never given the graces of the people who were supposed to take care of me and that led me into a relationship that I clung to for dear life as a fucked up teenager because it was all I knew and I felt like I needed that to survive. then as years went on that relationship turned sour for me and it took me far too long to escape it because I once again felt trapped in an obligation to someone who, from my perspective, wanted me to be someone I am not - much like my parents. they wanted me to do things I did not want and made me viscerally uncomfortable, putting more trauma on me to where after I finally broke it off (messy and unfun btw) I felt like I could never find love. like there was too much wrong with me. the way I think is very pragmatic and I don't feel empathy the way other people do. I had to learn that myself.

it took me so long to finally become someone worth being. a HUGE part of that came with transitioning (shocker!)

so anyways the song. about finding someone to be happily married to. constantly echoing "just like my parents" and because MY parents are egregious and annoying and my father is a piece of shit and my mom both tries and doesn't care enough somehow, it stings like a poisonous irony.

then at the end he goes "Just like my parents... yeah right." and it's like a knife to the gut type of reminder that I'll never be just like them. but I also don't fucking want to be. I mean ok mainly because I'm never having kids fuck that, but in terms of a healthy marriage - IF I ever even got there. which, when I first heard that song, I fully believed I never would.

why would I be able to love anyone, anyhow. who would ever be ok with someone as traumatized as I am. navigating an awful relationship with my parents. an ex that made me think I hated physical touch. so on and so forth.

every crush I confess to will turn me down. so let's get this over with so this one can turn me down as well, we can go back to being friends, and the status quo doesn't have to change.

and then he said yes.

"ive made more mistakes than simple empty moments. each one as out of character as you know I tend to be."

and with every out of character thing I do I realize they all come together to create this character I've made that is myself. every mistake I've made is why I'm me. stored within the chemicals of my brain.

this is not a mistake. this might just be the most important thing I've ever done. even if this doesn't last long the past month or whatever has shown me, concretely, that I am capable of loving and being loved in a way that I just didn't think I was able to do anymore. even if this doesn't last - which, you know, I hope it does, who in my position wouldn't? - the experience I've had here has changed me for the better. I don't feel trapped. I don't feel tethered, or obligated, or anything. I just feel happy. I just feel loved. it's possible to be in a relationship that's so untethered and free and genuine and I had no idea. maybe there is a future in which I can grow old with someone.

but of course it's all an if and a maybe and a who knows because you know it's been four weeks. roughly. still there's a lot you can learn from having deep conversations with someone for those weeks.

"Close enough to forever, I guess, to prove what I hope. I mean, otherwise, how am I to believe?"

I love you.

[unfortunatesal]

Tower of Heaven, the flash game about religious trauma

So! I don't talk about this much, because... well, mostly because I tend to not like talking about who I was and what I did before I realized I was trans, probably because I feel like my life and everything I did was completely empty and meaningless and everything I was and valued back then should be thrown away... but there were some things that still stuck with me. And I wanna talk about one of them!

So, from around 2006 to around 2016, I spent a lot of time playing random flash games. Which means I ended up playing a lotttt of them! And the one that stuck with me the most, and that I remember the most fondly, is a game called Tower of Heaven

Tower of Heaven is basically a 2D platformer with a simple premise: You have to climb up a tower in order to recieve... some kind of reward. However, whatever you're trying to get belongs to God, and they dictate the rules of the tower. As they see you make progress, they decide to introduce a set of rules to follow, or more accuarely, a set of acts that fucking kill you if you do any of them. And the more you go up the tower, the more "rules" get introoduced, and the more constraining, absurd and cruel they become. And... this is the kind of shit I absolutely eat up. I am extremely into stories and about gods tormenting people for daring to defy them, and how cruel and fucked-up that is. And that is exactly what Tower of Heaven is.

To be honest, I don't really know why I feel this way about religious stuff?You'd expect someone with severe religious trauma to be very drawn to stories about gods being cruel and awful, about them being assholes and fuckups, about them being just as flawed and messy as the humans they rule over, about them being dragged down and humbled. I don't have that kind of trauma at all, though. I was raised in a pretty atheist household, and never really had any interest in religion or any traditional spirituality so-to-speak.

Still, I love these kinds of stories, and I specially love how Tower of Heaven goes about it, by showing God as someone who is not just absurly cruel, but extremely petty and vindictive, protective of what they own and going to extreme lengths to keep it all to themselves.

The game starts off with God acting imposing and theratening, but still somewhat welcoming, clearly trying to convery the impression that they aren't actively opposed to the protagonist suceeding. "May heaven grant you fortune", you hear them say. But you can feel the bitterness and sarcasm in that staement from the start. The deck is clearly stacked against you from the start. This game is hard, and it needs to be! God does not want you to succeed, they want you to fail, they want you to die. And as you move forward, they start to get more visibly flustered and annoyed.. And eventually, any impression of anything but deep resentment and cruelty from God towards you collapses.

When I was playing flame sgames, I remember there being a huge trends of 2D platformers where the protagonist is tormented by whoever being put them in whatever damgerous environment they have to navigate. Imagine if in Getting Over It, Bennet Foddy just spent the emtire time talking about how much you suck. Something like that! But this game does it in a much more interesting way by turning the subtext into text, and turning the god of the world you've in into an actual, traditional god.

Now, I don't know if I'm reading too much into this, I probably am, and as I said, I don't have personal experience with this, but... if this game doesn't stem from religious trauma, it's definitely describing it. Being forced into following stringent and irrational rules by a being who pretends to want the best from you, but is antagonistic towards you at every turn, a being who refuses to let you have what you want and punishes you for the crime of wanting it... this seems like a description of what people who grew up in very religious families often have to suffer through.

And the most chilling and impactful part to me is near the middle of the game, where this rule is added:

Most rules are just ways of fucking with platforming mechaics that don't relate to the real world at all. But this rule right here, a rule explicitly put in place to force you to shed your humanity... that feels real, and it feels horrifying. You can't help but wonder to yourself: even if I make it through the tower, what next? Will this rule follow the protagonist for the rest of their life, and if so, how can they live the rest of their life? It's a genuinely powerful moment, and one that has very obvious parallels with real-world religious fundamentalism, and it's what makes the game special to me.

I've always had find memories of this game, and turns out, you can still play it! It can be downloaded at the link right here: at the link right here: https://gamejolt.com/games/tower-of-heaven/1859. I highly reccomend it, not just for the reasons I've laid out, but also because the soundtrack is fantastic and it's genuinely fun to play. It's also pretty short, only about an hour long. Check it out, it's an absolute gem of a game, it's it's also genuinely beautiful!

[veebs-hates-video-games]

I keep forgetting or not having the energy to do the next one of these. It's going to be two in one again, this time for Glitchhikers: The Spaces Between and Vengeful Heart, which are the two "wokest" games I've played in a while (in a good way).

Glitchhikers is the only thing that's ever given me a dialogue option to declare the concept of the hero's journey to be an act of colonialism (we make fun of Campbell on this blog, and also Jung while we're at it), and Vengeful Heart is probably the most openly revolutionary thing I've played since A Bewitching Revolution (which is also great and you should give it a try).

I played the original Glitchhikers over a decade ago when it first came out. It was only like 15 minutes to go through it once, but it was the exact right thing I needed to see at that exact point in my life, and it's still one of my most memorable experiences with a game ever thanks to that. The new remade and hugely expanded version didn't quite do it for me in the same way, but it was still interesting and had some stuff going for it.

It's very much an experimental art game experience and not something big on gameplay, and it can be a little clunky or frustrating to interact with sometimes as a result. The park section in particular was mostly just annoying for me rather than me getting much out of it.

It can also be kind of on the nose with some of the dialogue and the messages in it, and some of it left me feeling like yeah I've seen multiple posts about this on Tumblr except they expanded on the idea with a thousand more words and it led to a bunch of discussion that added a lot more to it.

When it gets stuff right I really like it though. The train segment of the game avoids those problems entirely for the most part, both because it's a fixed path that makes navigating it a lot easier and because you run into each character multiple times. That latter thing is particularly important because it lets them flesh out the conversations a bit more and spend more time with each idea or theme, which it really benefits a lot from.

I think the final airport section was probably my second favorite. It's a bit tedious wandering around the empty space, and it's kinda blunt with its message, but it did a good enough job presenting the idea that how things are framed and structured matters for how we perceive and think about them, whether it's architecture or stories or ideas. It's a very "I see what you did there" way to wrap things up, but it works.

And then Vengeful Heart is just good. It's a postapocalyptic cyberpunk dystopian VN that manages to be appreciably worse than the way things are in the real world but not by so much that it's not immediately able to be related back to real life. And while the setting and situation are pretty dire, the story itself is about disempowered people joining together to work to do something to change it. Not without struggles and loss along the way, and not with a universally happy ending where everything is magically fixed, but with hope for their actions and sacrifices leading to continued change and improvement in the future.

They absolutely nailed the PC-98 aesthetic better than I've seen anyone do it in a while, and it feels like someone could've made the artwork 30 years ago. A lot of the music is pretty good too and sets the tone well.

Its biggest strength is its characters though, which is always a good thing in a medium and genre that relies so much on them. There are strong women and PoC and queer people and disabled people and student activists and working class union members and more all working together, both learning from each other but also having conflicting ideas and motivations at times, and of course the evil billionaires and militarized cops and private security you'd expect from the genre too. I really liked how a lot of them were handled, and I kept thinking about some of them for days after I finished the story, completely unprompted.

I could see myself going back through the train section of Glitchhikers now and then to meet different characters and see what they have to say, but Vengeful Heart is the one I expect to end up fairly high on my list at the end of the year, and I'm really looking forward to whenever they finish the next thing they've been working on.

[potterheadedgeek]

And I Love Her ~ Harry Potter X Reader ~ Chapter 1: The Swatter, The Fly, And The Audacity Of This Guy

next>>>

Description: Y/n Lupin-Black, the daughter of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Her and her best friend, Ron Weasley, met Harry Potter on the Hogwarts express and immediately became friends with him, along with Hermione Granger. She falls for him but the real question is, does he love her?

Additional information: AU where Remus is trans (AFAB). The reader dresses grungey in the story cuz it's the 90s so why not, I also love the grunge aesthetic. I have also made a playlist for this story. Ron and Y/n were introduced to each other when they were young and became best friends. Y/n is also really close to Fred and George and likes to prank people with them. I'm probably going to put the clothes that Y/n is wearing at the top but if that gets annoying just tell me pls. I'm also going to put this on Wattpad. I'm also going to come up with weird title because Y/n is the daughter of Wolfstar so I makes sense.

Warning(s): Dementors, screaming(?)

Pairing(s): Harry x Reader, Remus x Sirius

Navigation/Story Masterlist

Clothes for this story: shirt ~ pants ~ shoes ~ jacket

"Here, this one is empty," Hermione says as the four of us walk through the Hogwarts Express, trying to find a seat. 

"Good," Harry says as all of us step into the cabin. He closes the door, "I have something to tell you."

"What is it, Harry?" Hermione asks.

"You guys have heard of Sirius Black, right?" Harry questions.

"Yeah," Hermione, Ron, and I say simultaneously. 

I know that Sirius is my dad but with everything that goes around about him, my other dad told me to never tell anyone that Sirius is my dad, or at least until I am out of Hogwarts. I feel like I know almost everything about him, my dad talks about him so often.

"Ron's dad told me that Black was the one who sold my parents to Voldemort. He said that he's broke out of Azkaban to kill me," Harry explains.

"Well, then we won't let that happen," I tell him.

"Thank you," Harry says to me and smiles. 

I smile back, "You're welcome." I grab my Army green canvas sling bag that my dad gave me before I started my first year, and put a never-ending charm on it. I reach into the bag and grab my Discman. "Music?" 

"Sure," Ron replies. I already had the Nevermind disc in it so I just pressed play. Smells Like Teen Spirit starts playing. The four of us talk about our summer while Nirvana plays in the background. After the album is finished I switch it to Metallica, and after that, to August and Everything After. Mr. Jones starts playing then the train comes to a sudden stop with a violent jolt. Everything gets cold, the window gets very frosty, and the lights go out. The music starts cutting out and then shuts off. 

A hand grabs the door and pushes it open, a huge hooded creature appears in the doorway. Fear falls over me, it feels like I'll never be cheerful again. It goes to Harry, he starts shaking like he was having a seizure. 

The creature hovers over to me, everything around me goes quiet, then that silence is filled with barely coherent screaming. The words become clearer it sounds like “NO! SIRIUS! HE’S INNOCENT! NO! I NEED HIM! SIRI!” Then everything goes black and silent again.

I don’t know how long I was out but when I woke up Harry was also waking up. Harry picks up his glasses off of the seat and we both sit up. I look up to see my father, Remus Lupin, kneeling in front of me.

"Are you all right, pup?" He asks while holding my face.

I nod, “Yeah, all right.”

Dad pulls me into a near bone-crushing hug, “I’m glad you’re all right.” He pulls away from the embrace and kissed my forehead.

Dad grabs some chocolate out of his pocket and hands Harry and me a piece of it, "Here, eat this. It'll help. It's alright, it's chocolate."

Harry sits upright and takes the piece of chocolate from my dad, "What was that thing?"

"A dementor," Dad explains, "one of the guards of Azkaban. It's gone now. They're searching the train for Sirius Black. Now if you'll excuse me I need to have a little word with the driver."

"Can I go with you?" I ask him as I finish the chocolate that he previously gave me.

"No I want you to stay here, please," He tells me then sets the rest of the chocolate on the seat between me and Harry

I nod, "Okay, dad."

Dad turns to Harry, "Eat, you'll feel better." He closes the door and then walks away. 

"Y/n, what is your dad doing here?" Hermione asks.

"He is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher," I tell her.

"That explains a lot," She states. "Who is your mom? If you don't mind me asking."

"Um..." I start but stop and think of how I am going to explain it. "Technically... that is my mom. He's trans and doesn't like being associated with feminine things very much, so he prefers me calling him dad rather than mom." 

"Oh, who's your other dad?" She asks,

"It's not important," I answer.

"Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry," She apologizes.

"It's alright," I say, "It doesn't matter, I can't even remember him, I haven't seen him in twelve years."

"That's even worse," Ron mutters.

"Well at least he's not dead," Harry says, "Or is he?"

"No, he's not dead," I respond.

[elkcrown2]

A ramble about the new default wikipedia layout

First of all- Big notice. IF you have an account, you can set it back to the old style in your preferences. This isn’t however, a viable solution to the issue as if you dont want to be forced to make a wikipedia account you have to deal with the annoying new one.

Let’s get started.

As of January 18th 2023, Wikipedia changed its classic, decade-old layout to a fresh, new look. This look is already widely disliked as many people first assumed that its a bug sending them to the mobile website. 

Now, I use my browser at half my 16:9 screen size, so i’m essentially on 4:3 with my browser- but that doesn’t change that I have issues with this update. I’ll mainly be using images from a fullscreen version of the site- though as someone who uses the browser at half the screen the new website is *not* good at all and is in fact, very claustrophobic with how the entire page takes up the screen instead of being contained in its boxes. So some of my complaints with varying screen sizes will also be mentioned.

Putting this under a readme bc it will be LONG

Let’s first take the front page as an example.

On the old style, this is what you see:

Everything is contained in its boxes, there’s a little bit of scrolling to do to see the entire page, the menu is fully accessible on its lefthand side.

On the new version, it looks like this.

There is that tiny square in the bottom right on every page that you can use to stretch the page out, but you have to do it PER PAGE every single time you load it which is not intuitive at all.

Now. Everyone will hear everyone cry “there’s so much wasted space!! Why???” And indeed. It’s wasted space. It’s pointlessly wasted. Not only that, but look at how HUGE the margins of the search bar is. The search bar area is taking up TOO MUCH space. It was easy to find before, but it was neatly nested into itself. Now it looks like wikipedia decided to do the good ol’ “Header at top body content below” style. It has a bit more scrolling to do like this, but it isn’t egregious... yet. It makes use of the empty space when you’re in FULL SCREEN. But as you know, I dont use browsers at full that often. So for me, THIS HAPPENS.

It *wedges* itself above everything. And then forces me to scroll through all of this just to get to the front page again.

Further talk will be done using a random page.

Besides the usual wasted space comments, there’s a multitude of big issues with this from the get go. Such as: This tiny page was shown in its entirety on the old version, but now requires you to scroll to view the bottom area with all licensing information and “about” navigation.

The menu not being always open on the left is a problem.  In both the compact and fullscreen of the old style you will always have access to the menu on the left- which is frankly one of the most important accessibility measures to have. reducing clicks by having the entire menu available is important and also helps people navigate the site faster by knowing how to get from one page to another easily. Not only that, but it also helps them find the versions of a webpage from their language faster. On the new version, all available languages are hidden under a clickable tab

Someone who may not speak english and wouldn’t understand the symbol would really not be able to intuit that this is where they go to change the language to one they DO understand. This isn’t accessible. On the old version, all languages would immediately be displayed at the lefthand side.

Which allows people at a glance to know how many and exactly what languages have this page translated. You don’t have to know what “languages” means to find YOUR relevant language because its already fully displayed there.

Style wise, the website has performed my detested “flattening” phenomenon that all modern websites just LOVE to do. The old version of the site had tabs look like actual tabs! You could easily tell which tab you were on at a glance because of how it existed physically.

but on the new one, they flattened it and it not only lost its charm as a clickable button, but also just.... isn’t as easy for me to read as a tab i’m on currently?

It’s very  easy to miss the underlining and while sure the colors differ it doesn’t feel as intuitive at a glance.

The question to me really just is: who asked for this? Sure, larger font sizes are nice they could have added a toggle for that somewhere that gets stored in your cookies so every time you enter the website it’d remember the font size you selected but.... Wikipedia, the last bastion of good wiki design, has fallen to the fucking FANDOM-style design and i am just deeply disappointed that they didn’t stick to the “if it aint broke don’t fix it” mentality.

As of now, its just lazy. They couldn’t be assed to have a proper desktop experience. Everything is mobile now and if you dont use mobile to navigate websites well fuck you then have fun on your mobile desktop experience.

[kithtaehyung]

Last November (M)

title: last november (m) post date: december 14th, 2020, 8pm est  ⤷ revamped/extended: march 27th, 2021, 10pm est pairing: seokjin x reader(f) genre: angst, smut, exes to lovers au summary: you two broke up on good terms. even seeing each other on your friends’ yearly end-of-november trip was never awkward. so why did this trip feel so different? and why does it feel like the end of something that wasn’t even there in the first place? warnings: angst, bad puns and jokes, mutual pining, light dom/sub undertones, oral sex (m/f receiving), nipple play, hair-pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, spanking, creampie, seokjin is a consent king, did i say angst?, did i also say bad puns and jokes? mobile users: alt link if this doesn’t open in tumblr ➛ AO3 word count: 23.7k 24.7k !!

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On the last Friday of every November, your group of friends piled into two cars and set off into the mountains. 

Ever since you all graduated from high school years ago, everyone branched off into their individual, intricate walks of life. Different towns, different jobs, different social circles. 

But before those grand adventures started, each of you promised one thing: a yearly trip to keep the friendship alive.

This time around, you happened to be in the “decidedly more fun” car as Jimin, Taehyung, and your longtime friend Rin jammed the backseat with singing and road trip games. Since Seokjin took driver, you claimed navigator, leaving the front of the vehicle a bit muted compared to the other half. Which was fine - you always loved relaxing on the sidelines while your friends played with chaos and hilarity. 

Namjoon kept you company from time to time, too, so you weren’t completely alone in your preferred space.  

The only thing that could’ve made the ride awkward was if you and Seokjin were on bad terms. 

It wasn’t every day you found yourself sitting beside your ex, after all. 

But that simple fact didn’t phase you. The truth was that your breakup was clean and painless - a massive relief to your friends. Back then, it would have torn everyone to pieces picking sides. 

The split was so organic that you couldn’t recall an awful reason why it happened. Separation proved as natural as the changing of seasons: you had moved away for university and he powered through his own medical pursuits. Over time, the relationship simmered to a text every few days, resulting in the night in which you decided that it was better to remain friends.

What sucked was the fact that, over the course of time after the breakup, you fell for Seokjin. Annoying, charming, incredible Seokjin. 

You didn’t come to terms with it until last November, when you watched his eyes sparkle under an indigo ocean of stars and it just clicked. Agony carved into your heart some nights when you thought about nothing else, but you couldn’t admit your feelings. Not when you two decided that your river had run its course. You couldn’t risk smothering the last embers of your relationship, so radio silence remained your lonely swan song. 

Of course you wanted to admit it. You wanted to tell him. Because no matter who came after, they all fell short. Every smile flashed your way, every pair of arms wrapped around your torso, every night spent between the sheets. Nothing compared to what you got from Jin. That man created a hole in your heart that lingered in his wake, a hole through which all of your subsequent relationships plummeted. 

The truth was simple: you didn’t want to ruin what you had. Even if what you two would always be was just friends, that endgame was enough for you.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Every night when you couldn’t sleep, and every morning when you woke up to an empty bed.

Your vision snapped into focus as your phone screen bloomed. The maps app signaled for a turn, so you relayed the direction to Seokjin, who repeated the direction out loud before following through.

Just like always.

The road in front of you melted into a different scene entirely as you recalled why he started that habit. It sprouted from one of your car rides to a diner situated on the other side of your hometown. 

During the drive, you did your best as navigator, but your boyfriend was so into the music playing that he missed some turns. One errant right later had you both terribly lost, the surrounding area swallowing the car in darkness. On instinct, you dove into defense mode, trying and failing not to outright panic.

“My maps won’t load,” you stuttered, hitting the screen with your finger, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Don’t worry, I can just—”

“Don’t tell me not to worry,” you bit out. “Let’s just get out of here.” You hated how pure paranoia pricked at the corners of your eyes. Getting lost was completely irksome and going back home was more appealing to you than moving forward with the date. 

“Okay. I won’t,” Seokjin assured you, turning the wheel and rolling the car out from the shadowy street. “How can I help instead?”

“Oh, umm.” With grateful eyes, you stared at your boyfriend and admired his consideration. You’ve never been asked that while upset before. “You could, uh, repeat the directions before following them? That might help.” 

His lips curved into a smile, and streetlights flooded the car to bathe his sincerity in a warm glow. “Repeat directions, you got it.”

The memory faded as you blinked and observed the endless mountain range enveloping the road. Snow topped the summits in white caps; coniferous trees swallowed the steep slopes. As if reminiscence clogged your ears, the music in the car seemed louder outside your broken reverie. 

Taehyung, as always, took charge of the aux. He usually had an eclectic mix of tunes on rotation but, that time, nothing but upbeat Christmas music was queued. You had to admit: merry music coating the car windows and mountainous scenery claiming your entire vision put you in the best mood. 

It was even better when Seokjin sang along. You really did like his singing voice. 

“I like my singing voice, too.” 

Your eyes snapped toward the driver, expression freezing over as you drank in his delight. Did you really say that out loud? You knew Seokjin enough to know that he was never going to let that go. 

“Yeah, well…” You lazily swatted his grin away. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 

Seokjin chuckled, his hands comfortably resting on the wheel. “Are you offering to do that for me? It’s minimum wage, but I’d hire you.”

Rolling your eyes felt like the only appropriate response, so you did exactly that, your exasperated gaze looping around to land on your phone. “Relish this moment, Seokjin,” you advised, zooming out in the maps app to make sure you were still heading in the right direction, “Because it won’t happen again. And take the next exit. We’re almost there.” 

“Yes, yes, next exit.” You missed the smirk on his face as he scanned the roadside for the telltale sign. “Moment relished,” he quipped, “But I prefer my moments with ketchup and mustard.” 

Your groan drowned in his boisterous laughter, but the hand on your face betrayed you since it couldn’t quite cover up the glee that formed right after. 

An hour later, everyone had unloaded the vehicles at the campgrounds and pitched the tents. While Hoseok and Jungkook worked on starting the fire pit, Namjoon and Jimin took their time organizing the food and snacks. Rin had disappeared with Taehyung somewhere, but Yoongi said he spotted them taking pictures a ways off. 

“They should be helping,” he muttered. “There’s a lot to do before it gets dark out.” 

Squatting down to rotate sizzling meat on your portable grill, you waved him off. “They’re shot-swapping since it’s golden hour.” 

The silence that followed gave you pause. When you looked up in curiosity, Seokjin and Yoongi regarded you like a foreign language coated your tongue, their struggle to decipher it earning a chuckle of pity. 

“They’re both huge influencers, so they know how to take pictures. They always do this when we get together,” you explained, spinning the kebab onto another side, “And golden hour is around sunrise and sunset. It looks like everything is soaked in gold, and it makes your pictures look pretty. But that’s an old term already! You geezers should keep up.” 

Yoongi simply raised an eyebrow and kneeled to turn his designated stick. Smoke from the charred meat wafted into your noses as he declined, “I’ll pass. That sounds stressful.” 

A rapid clapping of tongs next to your ear preceded Seokjin’s offer, “What are we waiting for? Let’s golden hour swap!” 

Why did he have to be so endearing? A cough escaped your throat, disjointed laughs following right after in their awkward escape. Beside you, Yoongi flung condescension Jin’s way, his voice stocked with disappointment as he warned, “Don’t speak. You age yourself.” 

You transferred your kebabs to a foiled plate before standing, blood rushing to your lower legs. Seokjin was unleashing a hearty tirade at the other man grilling when you intervened, “That sounds nice, actually. I’m in a photography class so I was planning on taking some photos anyways. Lemme just get my camera.” 

As you walked away, you couldn’t escape the abrupt change in atmosphere hovering over the grills, its looming tension caressing the back of your coat in a slight push. The words exchanged were soft in volume, but their possible meanings stayed clanging in your ears. 

“Did you tell her yet?” 

“No.” 

“Do it. She deserves to know.” 

You slipped out of your tent with a heavy jacket and lightheadedness. Medicine would’ve helped with the latter, but the med kit Seokjin packed remained strictly for emergencies. Besides, you couldn’t quite slap a bandage on what was truly bothering you anyways. 

As you inspected your class-registered Polaroid, you continued to wonder what Yoongi meant earlier. 

What was he implying? You deserved to know what? You couldn’t say the feeling swirling around your gut was a positive one. After all, there was a distinct difference in what a person should know, and what a person deserved to know. What was so important that Yoongi practically ordered Seokjin to spill? 

Was there another person in his life now? That was one thing that crossed your mind, but you filed that under the “should know” category, even though it twisted your stomach to think about.

The news had to be something urgent. 

Was Seokjin getting married? 

Without your permission, vessels in your heart shriveled, squeezing life from your already battered soul. A betrothal was entirely possible with his pursuit of a medical degree and coming from a well-to-do family. Maybe he was in an arrangement? 

That possibility dropped an anvil on your chest. You couldn’t say that you were completely fine were that the truth. How could you be fine with something like that if you loved him? Of course, you would be happy if he was, but your heart would require recuperation for an extended amount of time. Give or take a few years. 

You wandered so far into the depths of your mind that Seokjin’s sudden appearance kicked you back to shore, a yelp leaving your mouth at the same time your Polaroid left your hands. If the camera wasn’t hanging from your neck, you would’ve been in deep shit with your professor as soon as it hit the cold soil. 

Its bulky frame definitely bruised your lower chest on the downswing, though. “Ow. Geez, Jinnie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that.” 

Your eyes widened in realization. Jinnie? Shit, you hadn’t called him that since you guys were dating. Quite obviously, the stockpile of thoughts and worries involving his secret were blocking your brain from better judgment. 

And apparently you weren’t the only one affected by that nickname because Seokjin’s eyebrows shot into his dark locks, his peculiar glance shifting away. Odd. 

After an awkward second, he cleared his throat. “Does it hurt?” 

Is it supposed to? You knew he was inquiring about your injury but your thoughts drifted to what hadn’t been divulged yet. “No, it’s fine,” you lied. “Let’s pick a spot before we lose the light.” 

You don’t remember how long you walked, but the pair of you ended up far from the original campsite. 

In your defense, it wasn’t like you planned that outcome. The trees matched at every turn, so you kept wandering until you found a good clearing - or at least some rocks to break the forested monotony. 

A foil to your pickiness, Seokjin voiced his thoughts every ten paces, his votes of confidence constantly crushed by your boots. If you had a cent for every time he declared a spot “the one,” you could actually afford the Polaroid dangling from your neck. 

It was at a calm clearing with some patches from last snowfall where you decided to settle. 

Unhooking the strap from your neck, you ushered, “Let’s do this quick. It’s almost over.” 

“I wanna do it first!” You thought Seokjin meant to take the camera from you, but instead he scuttled into the clearing, striking a pose once he reached its center. Of course the fool meant that he wanted his pictures taken and not the other way around. How was any other idea plausible? “Hurry up, you said!” 

“The ‘S’ in Seokjin stands for ‘Selfish,’” you yelled, positioning the Polaroid against your eye regardless. His face enlarged in the lens and, to his credit, you couldn’t argue that he was the clear model between you two. The man could pursue a career in fashion instead of medicine and you wouldn’t bat an eye. 

He looked handsome merely standing there, cheeks dimpling at nothing in particular and his charm ever effortless. Even the slight bags under his eyes didn’t take away from his natural beauty. 

Par for the course with Seokjin. That unbothered self-assurance was one of the traits you liked and hated about him. 

At least, initially. The more you got to know him, your outlook on that defining characteristic was one of admiration, not hatred. You simply needed to start shoving some of that confidence down your own throat like a different type of vitamin C.

After a telltale camera snap, the man threw out his coated arms in another pose. “And the ‘Seok’ stands for ‘Seok in my presence!’” 

“I think I’ve been in it long enough. My fingers are pruny,” you droned while lowering your Polaroid, ignoring his wiggling in the background. It seemed you were still accustomed to his ridiculousness. 

Yet another thing you gave him credit for: he was never afraid to be a dork. When you first met him, you admittedly thought he was faking it. Over time, you recognized his authenticity, and you grew fond of everything wrapped in the gift that was Kim Seokjin.

You waited for the picture to materialize in your hand. When your impatient model approached you and asked why you weren’t shaking the polaroid, you informed him that you should, in fact, not do that. “It’ll damage the final product!” 

“So that song is…” 

“Wrong. Yes.” 

Pure shock flashed across his face. “What other lies have I been told?”  

The captured memory started blossoming, and you watched as the color bled into life. “That you aren’t the funniest person on the planet,” you answered, earning a scoff. 

“In that case, you’ve just been misinformed.” Seokjin huffed before offering an outstretched palm. “Now hand over the camera, it’s your turn.”

“Me?” You didn’t think he was serious when he said swap. In reality, you just assumed he whipped up an excuse for you to take pictures of him. 

And you didn’t mind. It was nice to have that charming smile directed at you, even if only through the lens of a camera. The Polaroid would be your shield, blocking Seokjin from the pain swimming in your eyes, barely afloat in pools of regret and guilt and loneliness.

“Yes, woman! When was the last time you had your picture taken?” 

Slowly, embarrassment swelled across your cheeks when you realized it had been a very long time. Legitimately long. You never asked others to take your picture; rather, you were always the one behind the lens. The last time someone actually offered was… 

“When you took one,” you stuttered out breathily, “At that park.” 

It was during one of the last dates you two went on before you left for university. There was a carnival you were dying to visit, and Seokjin surprised you with tickets and a kiss. 

You remember being so elated while traversing through the whimsical booths, failing fantastically at the rigged games, scarfing down sticky, billowy cotton candy. Squeaky horns and childish laughter filled your ears, and you could still feel Jin’s gentle fingers on your hand as he shyly tugged you under glowing stringed lights. 

The main attraction was a carousel keeping everything else in orbit, its charisma shining like a golden, spinning sun. When night fell, you too gravitated toward its charm, standing behind its barricade to watch horses and teacups endlessly turn. 

It was so captivating that you forgot yourself and where you were - who you were supposed to be spending time with. Swiveling in fear, you scanned the bustling crowd for your boyfriend, realizing that you needn’t worry at all. 

Seokjin simply waited behind you, holding up his phone and telling you to pose. You were so caught off-guard in that moment that your face contorted hilariously right as he snapped the photo. In his eyes, it was the greatest picture of all time. 

However, it wasn’t that well received by its subject. You begged Seokjin to delete it, and he finally caved on the grounds that you took a replacement. Conceding, you stomped back to the gate guarding the twirling attraction and pranked your boyfriend with a blank expression. 

But as soon as Seokjin drawled “You look like you don’t care-ousel,” you burst into laughter - your unabashed mirth becoming his background on every device he owned. 

The scene faded from your eyes as the current Seokjin stood in front of you, gripping the Polaroid instead of his phone. Gone were the lights and sounds of the theme park and, with them, your fleeting moment of solace. 

“Oh,” was all he stated in return, and you swore the temperature chose to drop in that moment just to mock you.

“You know I don’t prefer it anyways.” Your heart was losing its grip, sorrow evident in your shaky tone. You folded your arms to shield your body from the weather and unwanted emotions. “I’m definitely not as photogenic as you.” 

“Nonsense,” Seokjin shot back. “Now hurry up, it’s only golden minute now!” 

And just like that, his warmth melted any awkwardness like spring chasing away winter. 

In retrospect, he probably regarded that moment at the carnival differently, or he just wanted to keep those memories in the past where they belonged. It hurt to be the only one so strongly affected by them, but Jin had the right idea. If there existed a standard list of activities to do with an ex, talking about the past wasn’t one of the options. Especially if you had feelings for said ex. 

Plus, you didn’t forget that there was something he had to tell you. It seemed like you were going to have to wait a little longer for that, and your anxiousness wasn’t pleased.  

As you ambled to the center of the clearing, you focused more on the crunching sounds your boots made rather than your feelings. With a quick survey of the area, you surmised that it really was a pretty spot, the mountain range peeking behind the trees adding depth to the setting. Adjusting your outfit, you took a breath of courage before staring at the eye of the Polaroid.

Seokjin moved the camera from his face and called your name, roping your gaze to his concern. “Smile, okay?” 

On instinct, your throat constricted. You couldn’t hide behind the lens that time. But smile you did, and you hoped Seokjin thought it genuine, silently pleading him to not notice the anguish lingering behind your crescent eyes. 

The fire pit your friends constructed blazed bright as you both made it back to the campgrounds. Everyone occupied the surrounding logs and, judging from the soft pop pumping from a portable speaker, Jungkook must have commandeered music control.

Jimin turned when he heard your footsteps, his expression indiscernible as he shifted his gaze between you and Jin. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, only turning back to Yoongi to continue their conversation. 

Seokjin and you parted ways effortlessly: he slotted into the empty space next to Namjoon and you headed to your tent to stow your camera. 

And for some reason, that easy departure was hard to swallow. 

Your pitched space offered warmth upon entry, and you dumped yourself onto your sleeping bag without a word. A few quiet moments passed before you unzipped your backpack, the tiny action feeling so tedious, so difficult to achieve. 

After you finally stored your equipment and closed your bag shut, you just… sat there. Contemplative. 

Mentally, you were in a bad place. Your thoughts and emotions banged into each other, their war rendering you powerless - captive. Fidgeting with the plasticky fabric of your sleeping bag, you thought back to what happened after you two left the photo spot.

It was an uneventful walk back for the most part. The polaroids turned out nice, all thanks to the very rare and very expensive camera you borrowed. Seokjin claimed yours and handed you his, and faced with your sudden curiosity, he sheepishly offered, “You don’t have to keep it.” 

You were more questioning of the fact that he stored yours in his jacket, but you didn’t want to broach that subject. It was beginning to scare you. Maybe it was the fact that he was acting strange, coupled with the other fact that he was hiding something from you. 

Why were you suddenly afraid to confront him? You two were open with each other during your relationship. Were you also wanting to put this dreaded conversation off as long as possible, too? 

If he was with someone else, though, would he still be keeping your picture? 

It was too much to think about, so you tried to lock everything in a box and sit on it. 

You saw the light of the campfire after a few minutes of walking through the woods - a handful of silent, crawling minutes. It was bugging you that Seokjin didn’t say anything on the way back. A quiet Jin was a Jin knee deep in thought, and not in good circumstance. In a moment of weakness, you almost offered out your hand to grab his, but you instead crammed it inside your coat pocket. 

When you both rejoined your friends, it seemed so easy for you guys to separate, like you didn’t just go off and do something so intimate. Even though that wasn’t the word you wanted to use. 

You resigned yourself to the big picture nonetheless: it wasn’t like what Taehyung and Rin did. Your best friend was insanely popular on social media with her carefully curated feed and relatable-yet-unachievable style. Taehyung had his own massive following for different reasons, and you couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what he was doing to gain the hearts of many. They were snapping photos for each other to show millions of anonymous beings across the world. 

You and Seokjin just took photos for each other to have. No one else was going to see those. 

Why did you feel like that was significant? 

The edge of your sleeping bag began to fray under duress, so you plucked your body off the ground and slipped back outside. What you expected was the temperature dipping a couple degrees in nightfall. What you didn’t expect was Jimin waiting for you, puffy jacket and all, leaning against a tree. 

When he saw you emerge from your tent, he straightened and regarded you with caution. “Everything okay?”

You adjusted the front of your coat before fishing a beanie out to cover your ears. “Yeah, why?”

“You were just in there for awhile,” Jimin explained, his eyes searching yours, “And you were with him for a long time.”

“I don’t like being interrogated, Park,” you sighed.

“I know, I just…” He mirrored you and huffed his own breath toward the ground. A quick glance had you noticing that his own beanie was knit as thick as the fog in your mind. “I just want to make sure.” 

Jimin was whom you considered closest next to your best friend and formerly Seokjin. After your break up, Jimin regularly sent you texts to check on you, despite your constant assurance that you were okay. It got to a point where you phoned him and pleaded reprieve - to reach out only if he had something critical to say. 

His broken reply? He only texted you because Seokjin wouldn’t. 

You ended up crying after that call, and the tears annoyingly persisted a couple nights following. 

He was also one of the only two people in the world that knew you loved Jin. Rin was the other, and that’s only because you let it slip during a girls’ night over cheap wine and period piece movies. Something about an early morning confession in a dewy meadow was enough to loosen your alcohol-mottled tongue.

After you ran your fingers over your head, you responded, “Can I ask you something?” 

Your friend’s eyes roamed over your face. “Of course.”

“What’s he hiding from me?”

Jimin instantly clammed up at the question. His dancer frame assumed a rigid position, each limb locking, including his jaw. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered gravely, pulling anger from your center.

“Does everyone else know this secret except me?” You really couldn’t take it anymore, especially knowing that something you supposedly deserved to know was possibly public knowledge. 

“Just the guys,” Jimin divulged, and you scoffed. 

“I can’t believe this.” You made to walk away, in the opposite direction of the campfire. Into the woods again.

Jimin said your name like he just wanted you to understand already, halting you mid-stride. “I’ve been trying to get him to talk to you. Trust me, I have.”

“He’s a grown man, Park. His decisions aren’t your problem,” you whispered. 

“But aren’t they yours?” 

“Not anymore. We aren’t together right now, if you don’t recall.” You knew you were spitting bullshit, and Jimin did, too. If Seokjin wasn’t giving you problems, you wouldn’t have been hiding in your tent or literally and figuratively walking away from him. Guiltily, you turned back to face Jimin and give him his credit. 

He was this way for everyone in your group: the glue that hung on and fought to keep people from breaking apart. Whenever a fight broke out between warring parties, Jimin was the middle man. Always. 

Sighing, you relented, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just so confused, and the longer he hides whatever he’s hiding from me, the more restless I’ll be.”

“Everyone is on your side in this,” Jimin replied. “He just needs to, I don’t know, woman up.”

A breath of laughter escaped you at the tweaked phrase, the tension coating your shoulders slowly sliding off in clumps. “Did you say ‘woman up?’”

“Men aren’t shit,” your friend explained, pointing a gloved finger to punctuate every syllable. “At least women get things done.”

“I would totally drink to that if I had a bottle in my hand, Jimin.”

“Ah, well that can be arranged!” The boy’s eyes crinkled as he spun on a heel. “Let’s go. Jungkook and Taehyung brought out the drinks awhile ago. I missed out on a few bottles already talking to you.”

“Oh, I feel so remorseful,” you cooed, your voice worthy of giving kids cavities. “Almost as if I cared.” 

“Ass,” Jimin snapped, but he could only laugh. When you joined his side, he turned and whispered, “But seriously. If he doesn’t talk about it by the end of this trip, I’m giving him hell.” 

The temperature dropped again at that moment, and the wind blowing through the pines cut straight into your bones. Your shoulders hunched on instinct and you blinked to get needed moisture. Was it going to snow? The skies above did look intimidating. Was it going to storm? 

A sudden trepidation settled into your gut. “Did we check the weather,” you queried, shuffling through your brain to see if you monitored it yourself before the trip. 

“Uh-umm, I did,” Jimin answered through chattering teeth, “But I didn’t see anything other than it being cold.” 

You pulled out your phone and regretted doing so, your fingers freezing over instantly. You were lucky you all chose a location that was still in signal range - really, thanks went to Rin and Taehyung for incessantly demanding it every year.

Pulling up the weather app after a few tries, you cursed at the oncoming forecast. “Well, there’s more to it. Snow’s coming in,” you relayed to Jimin. “Let’s pack up and find a place to stay.” 

The car ride to the nearest lodging felt immensely different than the ride to the campgrounds. Some people focused on defrosting, one person worried about the people in the front, and the two said people in the front weren’t talking at all. 

It was you that broke the silence when you steadily gave directions, and Seokjin would repeat them like always. Selfishly, you wanted the car ride to keep going just so you could hear his voice. He wasn’t saying anything otherwise, and there wasn’t music playing for him to absentmindedly sing along to. 

The first snowfall was light as your caravan entered the small town nearby, which relieved you. Tiny snowflakes clung onto the windows and you lost yourself in their geometric patterns. Lights from the shops and other stray cars reflected in the slick roads to create a symphony of color, and white patches already settled on trees that lined the main way. 

Seokjin spotted the lodge first, and he rolled into a spot towards the entrance, Jungkook’s car slotting into the next space. Your driver rolled down his window and repeatedly pointed his finger down to signal for Yoongi to follow suit. “Let’s go in and make sure they have our rooms first,” he called out, and Jungkook leaned over his console to shout a hearty okay.

You hoisted yourself out of the car and waited for the boys to follow. Seokjin went to stand next to you, but instead of Jungkook popping out of the other car, it was Namjoon that emerged. You could only guess that the youngest slyly started a game to have the loser get out. 

Your stomach turned when you realized it was most likely because no one wanted to be left alone with you and Seokjin. 

Remorse burned your throat. This trip was supposed to be fun, but it just felt strained. Were you overthinking? Or was your churning gut correct in its assumption? 

At the very least, you hoped everyone else was having a better time than you were. 

It seemed that the man beside you had the same feeling that a challenge was pitched. “Rock-paper-scissors? Or nose goes?”

Namjoon just laughed at the ground as his face flushed. “Nose goes, and I put my finger on my mouth so, umm, that’s that.” 

You chuckled while you three made your way to the door, both of them towering over you on either side. Seokjin opened the entrance for everyone and, when you stepped foot inside, you were hit with a wave of warmth mixed with an undercurrent of gingerbread. The entirety of the main entrance bathed in plaid or embroidered throws, and there was an obvious affinity for Christmas on display with the plethora of garlands, lights, and a towering Christmas tree in the front bay window. 

Namjoon and Seokjin quickly got distracted by the toy train running through a snowy village setup. Adorable, but not helpful. 

Alone at the front desk, you received confirmation that your group had four bookings, and you thanked the concierge while you gathered the keys. 

The rooms weren’t next to each other. One of them sat on another floor, and the rest were separated but shared the same level. 

A container of pamphlets caught your attention, so you grabbed one before strolling away. “Guys, let’s claim our rooms. After that, you can watch the train all you want,” you called out, tapping them both on the back with the thin brochure. 

They swiveled their heads to your retreating form before following you out the door. 

“No. We are not doing that again.” 

“Come on, hyung, it’ll be fun!” 

“I’m with Yoongi on this one. We could all end up in the same room.” 

“But what if you get a room to yourself?” 

“Why can’t we ever just pick like normal people? And Hoseok-hyung, you laugh but you have the worst luck out of all of us.” 

“Excuse me! That’s only because you all psyche me out!” 

“Let’s just pick something. My phone’s almost dead.” 

You stood next to Rin while you two watched the boys decide how room assignments were determined. It was a sight to see: them crowding the small hallway, bags littered around their bulky shoes. You both were thankful they were courteous enough to let you two keep a room to yourselves. They even made sure yours wasn’t on the other floor, just so that you girls wouldn’t be alone. 

They were going to pick random rooms one-by-one, not knowing which options the others picked until they opened a door. If you and your friend also had to choose, you were risking the possibility of being stuck with Seokjin, which was the last thing you wanted. 

On a day where your friendship was actually normal, that wouldn’t have mattered one bit. But right then? The tension surrounding him would have been detrimental. 

He had something to say; he wasn’t saying it. You were a sitting, fidgeting duck. 

Jungkook whipped his phone out to search the internet for a random coin flip generator. “Here. Heads, we do it. Tails, we don’t.” 

Yoongi just snickered in defeat and already started picking up his bag. “I call picking first.” 

His intuition proved sharp as the generator pulled up Heads: they were going with the random room assignments. Taehyung kicked his head back with a sigh, and Jimin and Jungkook burst into laughter while the elders collectively groaned.  

As Rin giggled at their misfortune, you sent a rueful smile Seokjin’s way out of habit. You were still friends, after all, and he seemed so distraught over the prospect of horrid results. His eyes locked onto yours and, for a brief moment, he offered a shy grin in return.

The fluttering in your chest was quickly shooed away. 

It was while everyone relaxed around a public lounge area that Jungkook hurled an accusation, his eyes alight with the flames licking the nearby fireplace. “Hyung cheated.” 

Seokjin immediately sat up in his plush chair and retorted, “Take that back! I did nothing of the sort. You all were just too lazy to take the stairs to the next floor.”

Taehyung shot him a side eye and shared his own eloquent opinion. “Seems sus.” 

A whole new wave of bickering erupted, and you redirected your attention to the snow storm blustering outside tall windows. 

You were thanking every deity above that you guys decided to leave in time. It would’ve been hell in the campsite during this weather, or even while squeezed into the cars. 

Though the original plans were derailed, you were pretty happy with the current lodging situation. Who knew a small town would have a humongous lodge? It had to be assumed that this was the main business keeping the town running. Rin was absolutely drinking it in and stated she even wanted to bring her family there, her thoughtfulness curving your mouth upwards.

Another good thing that came out of this trip proved to be the room assignments that Jungkook ended up loathing. They had you clutching your sides when all was said and done.

Four of the boys managed to pick the same room, and Hoseok and Yoongi snagged a room to themselves. These results resulted in one Kim Seokjin speeding up and down the hallway, wholeheartedly shouting with glee. Yoongi almost crumpled to the ground in relief at the end, and Hoseok fell over in laughter when he entered the full room. You could feel the desperation in Namjoon’s muffled voice as he begged Seokjin to let him change rooms. The only reply he received was an ominous “If you behave.” 

“Don’t blame us,” Yoongi laughed out, both hands lightly gripping the arms of the rocking chair he chose. “This is what you young people get for trying to be cute.” His relief from only having to bunk with one other person left him chipper, you noticed. To his credit, it was amusing that the youngest four ended up in the same room. 

“Okay, gramps,” Jungkook snapped, earning a laugh from Jimin on the seat next to him. “But she definitely gave hyung clues!” 

You whipped your head around to shoot a confused look toward your accuser. “Me?” 

Multiple eyes darted between you two like pinballs, and you didn’t have time to brace for his next words,

“You know you won’t see him again after this trip, so you—” 

“—Kook!” 

All oxygen abandoned you as Jimin rushed to shut the younger man’s mouth, practically slapping his face. Eyes popped out of his head as Jungkook paled in realization. 

The rest of the boys bore glares into the youngest one’s countenance, but Seokjin turned directly towards you with concern. 

What just happened? Your fingers gripped the varnished wood of your chair as you slowly locked eyes with your ex, and your heart dropped like a stone when he shifted his gaze to the floor. 

What the fuck was happening? Your brain was going haywire. What did Jungkook mean? You wouldn’t see Seokjin after this trip? The man that you couldn’t wait to see on the last Friday of every November? That was bogus. He was joking. It was a joke, right? One more weekend before Seokjin was gone from your life forever? Impossible. Ludicrous.

Why wasn’t anyone saying anything? 

Beside you, Rin clutched one of your tense fists in her soft palms. Addressing the group, her sharp tone demanded an answer when she asked, “What the hell is going on?” 

The silence that followed was palpable. Not even the pleasant music drifting through the lodge was enough to damper the tension. 

“I think,” Yoongi finally murmured, his words ice, “This is our cue to leave.”  

“No need,” your friend snipped, “We’ll go.” She whispered your name before softly tugging you to vacate your seat. 

When you pried yourself from the cushion, it took a moment for you to control your legs to actually move. You knew all the guys were watching you, but you were too embarrassed to acknowledge them, too upset to look any of them in the eye. 

Rin led you away from the lounge, making sure you were heading toward the nearest staircase before spinning on her heel. “To the unfortunate soul that gets to explain this to me,” she bit, clutching everyone’s attention in her underlying threat, “Text me where to meet you in ten minutes.” 

Both you and Rin occupied the carpet, backs against the cookie cutter sofa that existed in each room. 

You two pushed the furniture around so that the couch faced the windows instead of the plain TV, and you surprised your friend by dumping yourself onto the ground instead of the cushions. Rin didn’t question you, though. She only followed suit. 

The curtains were shoved to the side to reveal the relentless storm, and you watched the swirls and streaks of white until your head fell onto Rin’s shoulder. 

“I should’ve been paying attention to you,” she murmured, “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, the motion feeling awkward in its tilt. “No, no. You’ve been having a fun time, so I’m happy I didn’t ruin that.” Your laugh was dry. “Until now, at least.”

Rin lowered her shoulder so that you rested more comfortably. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I’m going through a breakup again.”

Fuck. You didn’t realize until the words left your lips that it’s how you really felt. 

It had been a few years since you guys ended things. Throughout that whole time, you didn’t feel awkward one bit.  

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The “date” that Seokjin brought to the Christmas party last year made you want to tear your hair out. But, that was because she was obviously after his finances and that was the year you realized you loved him. 

The conversation you had with Seokjin turned sour, but you really wanted him to see the big picture. You could still recall that night with clarity, the snow falling much lighter than what you currently witnessed outside. 

“Seokjin, do you honestly think she likes you?” The red dress you wore was so vibrant that it glinted off the dinnerware spread across the decadent table nearby. 

When you pulled your ex aside that night, the only quiet place you could find was the dining room, long abandoned once everyone got their seconds. Up until this point, it was obvious Seokjin wasn’t understanding you. You tried to tell him how you saw it, and he would just brush things aside. 

“You sound like you care more than I do,” he accused, his eyes looking everywhere but your face.

Before you responded, you scoffed. “I’m your friend. Of course I’m going to care.” 

You remember the strong emotions you suppressed that night. You couldn’t let more things slip than necessary. Yes, you could show him you cared. Yes, you could show him he needed someone else. Just as long as you didn’t give too much of your own feelings for him away. “You deserve someone that at least likes you, for you.” 

Seokjin finally stared back at your stormy features, his eyes filled with something unsaid. You sucked in a breath. What else would he say? You liked him for everything he was, but that relationship didn’t pan out. Obviously. You would’ve been going to this Christmas party together if you still dated. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have been having that conversation - it was already hard enough for you to say you were his friend. You wanted to be more than that. Again. 

“I know she doesn’t like me,” he finally admitted, running a hand through his bangs. The urge to caress his ever soft strands filled you with grief. 

You really did like his hair, and it looked even better when coupled with his Nutcracker-esque attire. 

“Then why…” You struggled to find a reason why they were even there together. It was a Christmas party with your friends. Why would he bring someone that he didn’t like? 

“She’s interested in Namjoon.” Seokjin’s eyes quickly turned into crescents when he witnessed your expression, and his full lips pursed to contain his laughter. “I was trying to get her off me the whole night, but she was trying harder than she needed to to make him jealous. I’m irresistible, you know.” 

“Irritable is more like it,” you growled, playfully shoving him aside. “Ass! I was just trying to protect you and you knew this whole time!” 

“It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me!” The man beamed as he made his way out of the dining room. 

“Yeah, well,” you whispered, tensing slightly when he stopped. “They have to be perfect. It’s what you deserve.” And you really did mean that.  

Seokjin’s smile faltered, and you shot him a half-smile before exiting the room yourself. 

That was the last time you guys had an argument, if you could even call it that. The rest of the moments you had with him were completely fine. You wondered if Seokjin could see through you during that conversation. He was perceptive, sure, but you may have gotten away with looking like just a good friend. 

It was just worrisome since you couldn’t control your emotions that night. You only got to see him in person during these November trips and Christmas parties when you went home, after all. Seeing him again after realizing you loved him ignited something within you, and it took the whole night to put that fire out.

This looming news just felt way too heavy to handle. Was it because you reached where the sidewalk ended? You weren’t going to see his face in person or hear his laugh out loud. There wasn’t going to be off-the-cuff, awful dad jokes thrown your way every end of November. 

A nagging idea, far in the depths of your mind, kept tapping your shoulder. But you brushed it off with a scowl. 

Even if you acknowledged the concept, there was no way Seokjin felt the same about you. Neither one of you said you loved each other throughout the time you were dating. Were there times you thought you did? Admittedly, yes. Did you ever think about telling him? Another yes. But he never hinted that he felt the same, so it would’ve been awkward for you if it turned out he didn’t. The absence of a confession kept you from revealing yours. So of course even now, you couldn’t tell him. Especially since he was apparently leaving.

Rin didn’t speak for awhile, but you knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. She was number one at standing up for you and protecting you, but when it came to the softer parts of consoling, she did flounder. Which was endearing and calming in itself.

“How can I help,” she simply offered, and you nuzzled further into her neck. She always smelled so nice, your guardian Rin.

The adrenaline from Jungkook’s bombshell, your swift exit, and the constant stream of thoughts started to wane. Exhaustion slowly took its place like honey sliding into a jar. Softly, your eyelids drooped and you whispered, “This room is a castle, so be my big bad dragon and don’t let anyone in.” 

The last sound you heard before falling asleep was a tinkling laugh followed by a small “As you wish, princess.” 

When you regained consciousness, you discovered that you were strewn across one of the beds instead of the ground. You couldn’t even estimate how much time passed while you were out, but the storm outside was still thrashing and the only light in the room was the emergency one by the door. 

You groggily propped up weary limbs in search of your phone, eventually swiping it from the nightstand. Still half-asleep, you barely registered the pain meds and glass of water sitting on that same table, their dark silhouettes waiting patiently. 

Bright pixels mocked your drool-covered chin. Scrunching your face instinctively, you scrolled through your notifications while blinking sleep from your lashes. You received multiple texts, but you didn’t want to open the threads completely, so you opted to check them from the Home screen. 

Jiminie [7:20pm]: Fuck, I’m sorry that happened. Please be okay. Love you.

Tae [7:21pm]: free hugs whenever you need. you know the drill. 

Rin-Rin [7:36pm]: I know you said not to let anyone in but I literally couldn’t carry you to the bed. Forgive me!

Yoongi [7:37pm]: He’s in his room. I kept telling him to tell you. I know it’s shit to find out this way so if he doesn’t explain things to you, I will. 

Hobi [7:39pm]: we’re here for u love!! let me know if u need anything. there’s a small concession stand downstairs so if u need smth i can run it up!!

Jiminie [7:40pm]: Kook is in bad shape. He swore he thought hyung told you already. Don’t worry tho. I’m not letting him off easy.

Rin-Rin [7:43pm]: Hey, love. Just spoke to Seokjin. I think you need to talk to him yourself, but only if you feel up for it. 

Joonie [7:45pm]: I gave Rin a bottle of pain meds we had in our room 

Joonie [7:45pm]: Go ahead and take some when you wake up

Joonie [7:45pm]: We can count this as an emergency

Jiminie [8:21pm]: Let me know if you’re okay, okay?

Kook [8:33pm]: I’m so sorry 

Rin-Rin [8:48pm]: Grabbing us some snacks from downstairs, I’ll brb. 

Your battered heart sank even more when you noticed a distinct absence amongst the names. Seokjin didn’t send you a single message. 

What had gotten into him? Did he still not want to talk to you despite you knowing his secret? You clicked your phone shut without opening any of the messages and sunk into the pillows. It was 8:49pm, so you had barely missed Rin’s departure. Her exit was probably what woke you. 

Unwittingly, you found your device in front of your baggy eyes again, berating yourself for hovering over Seokjin’s thread. The last text he sent stared back at you in a mocking set of pixels. 

Kim JokeJin [Thursday, 9:23pm]: Let’s make this one the best one! 

With the previous context, this was just a regular message about the yearly trip. With the right context, these words tied your throat in a knot.  

You were sure you loved him, but what you were feeling now was even stronger. If you were honest with yourself, you would say that this is what yearning truly felt like, what something deeper than love felt like. 

But you were a fool and a liar, so you convinced yourself it was only because you wouldn’t see him again. 

As soon as you were about to give up and lock your phone, the thread updated with a new text from Seokjin, and you stilled. 

Kim JokeJin [8:51pm]: You’re probably still asleep, so I don’t want to wake you. 

You immediately clicked on his message, your anxiousness protected by the absence of Read receipts. The typing bubble kept popping in and out of the screen and, with bated breath, you waited to see if a second text slid into the thread. A hard exhale whooshed from your throat when the second message came through. 

Kim JokeJin [8:53pm]: But I owe you an explanation so come up when you can. 

Fingers locked your phone in an instant when the door creaked on its hinges. Rin entered with an armful of chips and various candy bars, and as you started to get up, she tutted.  

“Sit down, lady.” Packages crinkled as she dumped them onto your covered legs in a processed, sweet and salty heap. “Did you take the medicine?” 

You shook your head, very sure that you looked like a cranky Troll doll. 

“Go ahead and eat something really quick so the medicine will work. When you’re awake enough…” Rin’s voice trailed off, but you filled in the blanks yourself. Go talk to him was what she wanted to say. 

“Can’t you just tell me what he said?” You were hopeful that Rin would save you the pain of confronting Seokjin yourself. In reality, she denied your request. 

“Not this time,” she murmured, “This is something that needs to come from him.” 

You figured as much, but it didn’t hurt to try getting out of it. It was a conversation that you both wanted and dreaded to have. Under your goosebumps, your bones trembled.

If you were frightened by the mere gist of it, how were you going to react to the real thing?

The reality was that you needed the closure Seokjin was offering. You didn’t think this vacation - or your friendship, for that matter - could regain normalcy until you had this talk. “Sorry I ruined this trip,” you whispered, playing with a corner of the closest bag of chips. 

“I’m sorry, is your name ‘Jungkook?’” Rin laughed. “I’m kidding. It’s not ruined. At the very least, it’s salvageable. Maybe.”

“You should be a weather girl with these confident forecasts,” you joked, coaxing a laugh from your friend. You offered a small smile in return, but your heart wasn’t in it. She kinda forgot that this is the last trip you guys would have with Seokjin. If anything, it was doomed from the start. 

Little striations ran across the door greeting you, shallow cuts skirting up and down the frame. You roved your eyes over the rough texture; contemplative, lost in the mahogany brown expanse. 

If only you were a sturdy tree. You wouldn’t have to worry about any hard conversations in life. All you would’ve had to worry about was possibly becoming a rickety chair for a spoiled brat, or one of Namjoon’s tables that he would eventually damage and lament over. 

With a breath, you finally knocked. 

It didn’t take long for Seokjin’s freshly showered form to answer, and when you saw him dressed down to a plain white shirt and black pants, you quickly shifted your eyes to the floor. Didn’t he know that outfit was your favorite? Your weakness? 

“Hey,” you simply said. “I’m awake now.” 

He nodded and let you in, the door closing with a soft click. When you crossed the room, you stopped in front of the couch, anticipation already caking onto your clothes. There wasn’t much to say on your end, you figured, so Seokjin had to take the lead. 

Instead of launching into topic, he walked towards you and grabbed a bottle from his nightstand. “Do you want some water?” 

You could only stare at the plastic in question. “Did I come here for water, Seokjin?” 

There was a heavy pause before the man planted his offering on the nightstand. “No.” Sitting on the longer side of his bed, he clasped his hands together, blank eyes glued to the floor. “Jungkook is right. I won’t be able to go on these trips anymore.” 

“Why?” 

“I, umm,” Seokjin answered, his words fumbling, “I kinda got into Harvard Medical School.” 

“What?” Your anxiousness was forgotten as you gawked at him. That was what he was holding back from you? All this time? That amazing, fantastic, crazy news? Without thinking, you bounded toward him and crushed him in a hug, careful to not push him back onto the bed. “Seokjin! This is what you couldn’t tell me?” 

His arms remained at his sides. When he responded, his explanation bounced onto your shoulder, “I literally won’t have a life once I start. None of you will be able to see this face, isn’t that enough to be sad about?” 

Another moment of weakness came over you, and instead of overcoming it, you gave in. Your arms tightened around him and you whispered, “No, I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard…” 

There were bags under his eyes for a reason. You knew the nights he got three hours of sleep far outweighed the nights he got more than that. The reason you two didn’t get to see each other was his relentless studying and discipline, and you didn’t want him to have to choose between you and a future career. You both were way too young for those rash decisions. 

It was with this memory that you were reminded of why you broke up: you wanted him to focus on his goals and you would do the same. “Really, I’m so proud of you.” 

Why you hadn’t let go of him at that point was a mystery to you, but you couldn’t seem to stop. The feel of his body against yours consumed you, held you captive even if his arms didn’t. 

But after a moment, you felt strong limbs wrap around your sides and emotion wrap around your throat. 

You don’t remember the last time you two truly embraced. It was a given that the last time you did, you were both completely different people. Both so young. Both so naive.

“Thank you,” Seokjin breathed, his head finally a beautiful burden on your shoulder, “But there’s more.” 

Tension froze your veins, taking the color from your complexion. Of course there was more. There was no way that was the big reveal, even though it was a monster in itself. “Oh,” was all you managed to squeak out. 

Seokjin’s arms gently pushed your body away so that he could look you in the eyes. You already missed his stronghold, but you listened as he spoke. “My parents want me to go back home. To Korea.” 

You blinked. “Even though you got into Harvard?” 

“No, no, after that,” Seokjin expressed with a level of confidence only he could achieve. Like it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t get his doctorate. He then searched your face, the pause holding weight. “So, I don’t know if I’ll see you guys again.” 

The wind howled outside and you shivered as if you were standing out there in the cold. There was so much that you wanted to say, but all the thoughts you had in your head melded together into sludge. Words struggled to leave your mouth. Nothing processed correctly in your brain. 

Seokjin wasn’t joking - not this time. He really was going to be swamped in work and work and more work. Even the holidays were going to be crammed, and you were sure he wanted to use those rare rest periods solely to recharge. 

Yes, he would still be able to text and call everyone, but that would be the extent of communication. He wasn’t big on social media. Even if he was, there would certainly be a dip in his activity now. 

Just like you felt earlier, you really did feel like you were going through a breakup again. Only this time, the last remains of your relationship were at stake. 

You didn’t want that. 

“We’d still be friends,” you weakly offered, wondering if you were just saying that to convince yourself. 

An empty chuckle startled you, and when you looked at Jin, he directed an empty gaze toward his nightstand’s lamp. “Yeah… We’d still be friends,” he repeated, and the way he said that made your shoulders sag. It was almost as if he didn’t believe you. 

“But Seokjin… You should be so happy. I mean, you’re incredible,” you whispered, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest.

“What if I’m not?” 

You sucked in a breath, suddenly not knowing what to do. Was he saying that hypothetically? No. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to ask if he truly was. 

How were you supposed to respond to that? Being a doctor was his goal - you were sure of it. If he got accepted into Harvard of all places, then his future glimmered as bright as his charm. “What do you mean,” was what you decided to say. Because you needed more from him than that. 

“You said I should be happy. What if I’m not?” 

“This is what you’ve been working towards your whole life!” It didn’t make any sense. None of this was making any sense. Who wasn’t happy that they got accepted to one of the most prestigious medical programs in the world? “You did everything you could, and now you have something to show for it! We even broke up over this. And that’s fine,” you quickly added at the end. You didn’t want Seokjin to feel bad for that at all. 

“What I’m trying to say is,” you continued, wanting to get every logical word out before more irrational ones escaped. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You deserve to be happy.” 

You could feel the doors of your heart scraping shut. Even if you wanted to try to be with him again, you would have to give up on that dream. There was no way it was going to work if it didn’t pan out last time. 

Fists clenched, you hated how your heart gravitated towards Seokjin on this damn trip, loathed how your brain produced its own highlight reel. Somehow, they both knew this was the end before you did. 

“I don’t have everything I want, but you’re right. I’ll be happy.” He sounded bitter. Why did he sound so bitter?

“What more could you want,” you blurted, the question materializing between the two of you in bold letters. You were just getting frustrated at this point. 

This was his dream. The ultimate goal. The one thing he wanted out of life.

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“It does to me.”

“Well, it’s none of your concern.”

“I don’t care if it is or not.”

“You really want to know?” Seokjin shot off the bed, immediately towering over your small stature. As your eyes reached his face, you watched as his lips twisted, your shocked features taking in his frustration. “It’s… It’s love, okay? That might sound weird to you, but I’ve realized that all of this is pointless without it. That’s what I’m missing. I want to love again.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his forehead slightly wrinkling under duress. 

The first thing that threw you off was the mere mention of the word. That was so brave of him to even bring it up. With you, of all people: someone he’s dated before. It must have taken so much courage for him to admit that. 

But there was another word in there that stood out amongst all the others.

Again. He said again. Did he love someone before? He couldn’t have been referring to what you guys had. You never once said those words to each other while you dated. So who was he thinking of? And why did it hurt to know that he had loved before and it wasn’t you? 

“I didn’t know you wanted that,” you replied, your voice painfully small. “But I don’t think it’s weird.”

You wanted nothing more than to just confess to him already, but you had no clue what he would say if he didn’t want something with you. The moment escaped like a thief in the night.

“Ah, well, if you knew the whole story,” Seokjin sighed, his breath shaky, “You would definitely think it’s stupid.”

“Why did it end the first time?” You wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe through his explanation, you could find something salvageable. You cared about him - so damn much. Seeing him in a state of utter helplessness seized your heart and gripped it tight. “With the one you… you loved. What happened?”

Seokjin’s indiscernible stare pierced through your soul, his silence screaming that he didn’t want to talk about it. 

And you understood his reluctance. The list of activities to do with an ex didn’t include this as an option, either. 

You felt the steely aftertaste of guilt on your tongue. Maybe he wanted you to just leave him alone already. Besides, you already pushed him to tell a multitude of truths that night. Asking him about a past love life was most likely crossing the line. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, uprooting yourself from your spot to leave. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll leave you alone.” 

You made it three steps before Seokjin responded, “She decided to end it.” 

A vice clamped your chest. You stood in your new spot closer to the door, eyes boring into the floor. “Even though you were in love?” 

That must have been awful. If you loved him when you two broke it off, it would have absolutely hurt. Very much like what was happening to you now, in fact. Because fuck, were you absolutely disintegrating like a paper on fire. 

“I don’t think she loved me,” Seokjin disclosed, his words tightening the clasp around your lungs. “But I loved her.” 

“I’m so sorry, Seokjin.” Tears brimmed across your eyes, but you didn’t want him to see you break. You thrummed with so many emotions in that moment, swept by the current of his words, his heavy tribulations.

He loved someone in the past. You loved him in the present. If only you both harbored a love for each other in at least one point in your lives. 

“That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t, for the most part.” His brittle words crumbled as they appeared. “I saw it coming.”

You chewed on your lip. Seokjin’s confessions were so full of pain - the amount of love he had for this person was obvious. Looking back on your relationship, you remember your split being mutual. It was mutual, right? There weren't any feelings involved. Whichever other situation Seokjin was referring to had to be sometime after you. 

Maybe it was someone during his college days. But wouldn’t you have at least heard about them through the friend circle? Their name must have just left your mind. You knew Seokjin flirted a lot but he needed to be serious to really start a relationship. This one just sounded tragic. 

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted sincerely, your chest about ready to collapse, “Other than don’t give up. You can do it. Love again.” The joints in your knees threatened to give out. Telling the one you loved that he could find someone again was too much. Too, too much.

“Ah, yeah. Well.” Seokjin turned away from you in a shrug. Even the back of his profile was perfect. “Thanks for being a good, uh, friend.” 

Friend. Could you teleport to your room and stay there? You couldn’t be the one to give him what he wanted, especially since he was about to be gone for a very long time. No matter how much you wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to. 

You swung around to face the door once again. Critical words almost freed themselves from your lips, but you held them back, swallowed them down. “I’ll always be your friend.” 

Head storming, you commended yourself for keeping your voice level. The tears were able to recede - which relieved you, since you wanted to make it through the rest of the conversation with dry eyes. With one tiny head shake, you whispered, “Let’s get some sleep, okay? I don’t want us to ruin the rest of this trip. Like you said before, we have to make it the best one.” 

Seokjin got up and made his way over to you, and you turned around with a fresh face once you knew he was close enough. The smile he wore was manufactured, but you didn’t want to pry. Instead, you repeated your advice as you both approached his door. Because you wanted him to understand. “Seriously. Don’t give up, you hear me?” 

“Don’t give up,” he echoed as he pulled on the handle, like you were just giving him directions. He stilled for a moment in deep concentration before looking your way. Dark eyes bore into yours and you could almost hear them speak, but he gave one final nod and vowed, “Okay.” 

Little striations met you again when you gave Seokjin’s closed room one last look, and you swore they regarded you with pity. Finally breaking, you let your tears fall the whole way back to your floor, wishing to be made into a sturdy tree in your next life so you never had to feel that way again. 

The next morning found all nine friends situated in various places around Seokjin’s room. You thought it amusing that the boys never really settled for normal seats, always choosing a table or windowsill perch instead. As an avid fan of the floor yourself, apparently, you were once again plopped on the ground in front of the sofa. Only this time, you weren’t drowning in the depths of your past.  

“Looks like the snow piled up high last night, so we might not be able to use the cars,” Namjoon observed after his long fingers created a tiny crack in the curtains. His argyle sweater blended in with the burgundy fabric and the sight put a small smile on your face. 

The action surprised you since you spent the whole night swathed in a blanket of regret, your arms caging your ribs in an attempt to stopper your bleeding heart. If only you were so bold as to allow a confession to fall from your lips. Three words to solve two peoples’ problems.  

But the risk involved was too high. The hurt following an unrequited love confession would haunt you through every sunrise and sunset. 

Jungkook’s exasperated voice sliced through your thoughts. “What are we gonna do then?” You glanced at him right as he threw himself onto Seokjin’s bed, bouncing the other two occupants  like buoys amongst waves. 

“What we can do: stay in,” Yoongi responded while repositioning himself against the headboard. 

Taehyung’s sigh mingled with Rin’s tsking noise, Jungkook’s deeper groan almost in harmony with the both of them. Their melancholic concerto almost pulled a laugh out of you, but the next suggestion came from Hoseok, “I brought some board games we could play. Cards, too.” 

Seokjin quickly shot him a look. “You don’t play board games. Or games. Or cards. Actually, what do you do?” 

“I look after all of you.” Hoseok’s head always bobbed when he spoke to accentuate his points. “Hence why I brought board games and cards just in case!” 

You couldn’t refute the man’s claims, either. Hoseok always made sure everyone packed what they needed before trips but brought extra stuff in the event that the group needed something else. Helping was just part of his nature. Yesterday was one example. Rin got the snacks last night, but you were sure he would have woken up at any point in time to be your comfort food delivery man. If being a leader were a sport, Hoseok would be the dark horse that you never saw coming until they finished first. Then you couldn’t deny their talent and skill. 

Taehyung didn’t let the dark horse live, though. “Thanks, hyung. Did you pack a snowblower, too?” 

Rin’s laugh could always be heard amongst your friends, but not because she was a girl. Hers was just so distinct and heartwarming, like a cozy throw or the thought of cookies in the oven. It was only slightly better than Jimin’s. 

Speaking of which: Jimin was eerily quiet throughout the whole meeting, his gaze lingering on you more than once. You noticed it ever since you burst into Seokjin’s room and lauded the man’s scholastic advancement. Which couldn’t be helped. No matter how painful last night’s conversation was, you still wanted him to know how proud you were. After all, a person could be sporting a dagger through their heart but still have love to give.  

You didn’t know why Jimin was acting strange. The big secret was unveiled but you would come to terms with it. Was he afraid of how you would be feeling? Or was he just sympathizing with you because he assumed you weren’t exactly fine? Talking to him later to iron things out was going to be essential. The multiple glances he threw your way proved too much.  

“I have a pamphlet we can look through,” you responded, waving it in the air like a white flag. The decision to bring it just in case proved to be the right one, even if Rin threw a small fit from having to fumble through her bag for the room key again. Warmth from the thick hoodie swallowing both your body and your bent legs validated the first time you went back into your room. 

Rin stuck her tongue out at you but smiled right after in her best Sour Patch Kid impression. Cute. You breathily laughed before unfolding the flimsy paper. Shifting your eyes along the colorful pages, you started listing out the lodge activities. “Okay, so we have… Kayaking: no. Lake yoga: no. Mountain biking: no…” 

Even though the lodge boasted a huge amount of things to do, the majority of them required there to not be four billion inches of snow outside. Only a few remained, and majority rules determined ski slopes the winner. 

The only issue with the slopes was that they only allowed groups of three at a time. To remedy this, groups were formed and a rotation was set based on a heated tournament of rock-paper-scissors. And while Hoseok didn’t play board games, cards, or even video games, he seemed to be a pro at that. 

He picked Seokjin and Yoongi for his group, and they were going out first, to the eldest’s horror. You saw his anxiousness coming from miles out - tackling snow with one board was much more up his alley than tackling it with two. 

Next, Jungkook chose Namjoon and Jimin since he wanted to somehow “win” on the slopes. They gave him much grief for that. 

And that left you with Rin and Taehyung, but they wanted to check out the spa area first, so your group was going to catch up later. 

Which wasn’t ideal for you. You wanted to watch Seokjin ski. Or really, you just wanted to see him as much as possible before the trip ended. Seok in his presence, like he said. Maybe being pruny in this case was a beautiful thing. 

Room Service knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts, and Jimin let them in to serve the breakfast Seokjin ordered for everyone prior. While the dishes were distributed, the group was already firing bets and insults and digs at each other as if a clear winner would emerge outside. And you welcomed every bit of their energy. Chewing on food while basking in everyone’s competitive nature was enough of a distraction from your woes. At least, until you caught Jimin deep in thought again.

The spa was decent, so you three ended up staying for almost an hour. Both the sauna and facial massage served to ease the thick layer of tenseness under your skin. If only you could transport yourself into a cloud of steam every time you thought about Seokjin. Maybe that would’ve helped with the anxiousness and guilt you felt every time you thought about confessing. 

And you were grateful for Taehyung tagging along because he really did offer free hugs often. Even while Rin scanned over the receipt for everything you guys did, the man slung a lean arm around your shoulders. 

His voice glided over your hair when he leaned in to ask, “How did it go last night?” 

You sighed before responding, debating on how to answer him. You decided to take the easy route. “Good. Better than I expected. I just can’t believe it took him that long to tell me! I was so worried this whole time.” 

Taehyung squeezed you gently. “Finally. We kept telling him to just admit it already.” 

Rin was in the middle of paying when you smiled. Her hair gleamed in the incandescents, and you reached out to touch it as you admitted, “It’s just weird that he wanted to hide that from me.” 

“Well, you’re his ex, so he thought it would’ve been awkward.” 

A laugh shot out of you, and Taehyung gave you a look. “Seokjin’s so strange. He knows I’ve been rooting for him this whole time. I mean, Harvard? That’s incredible.” 

Normally, friends would converse about achievements and be sincerely happy about them. But something else happened in that moment that set alarm bells off in your head. Whether it was Rin becoming a block of ice in front of you, or Taehyung slowly peeling his arm off of your shoulders, you suddenly got a feeling that something wasn’t right.  

When Rin spun around to face you, the expression painted on her face reminded you of those Renaissance pieces you saw during one museum date with your ex. Her eyebrows artfully scrunched; her full lips twisted. Was she on the side of the angels, battling demons? Going to war? 

No, she was just trying to clarify something. “He didn’t say anything else?” 

You gulped. “I mean, yeah?”

“What did he say?” Taehyung furrowed his dark brows, his own face a work of art in itself. 

“That his parents are making him move back to Korea when he’s done with his doctorate,” you revealed, suspicious of the both of them and Seokjin now. You kept your tone level to hide any emotions under the surface. “Why, is there more?” 

Once again, you were swept under the wave of confusion. The waters there were dark and cold, and you felt like you couldn’t swim to safety this time. It was as if cotton clogged your ears and a thin film coated your vision. You didn’t even register Taehyung furiously typing on his phone while Rin led you all out of the spa’s reception area. 

“Do you want there to be more,” was all she offered before sitting you down on an earthly toned loveseat. The fluffy rug under your shoes snagged most of your attention. 

“I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess not,” you finally grunted, feeling angrier and angrier from being left in the dark again. Comparable to a disease, this dangerous feeling was taking over you, trickling into your veins drop by black drop. “Honestly, I kinda just want to go back to the room until we meet for dinner. Whatever you guys are hiding is starting to piss me off.” 

“Let’s go,” Rin agreed, urging you to get up and follow her to the room. But you shook her off. 

“I’ll go by myself.” Buzzing with anger, you shuffled through your bag to grip your key. “Just let me be alone for a bit.”

Taehyung looked absolutely livid, but he nodded along with Rin. You didn’t watch the two of them share a knowing glance as you drug your crumpling form to the stairs, hoping pieces of you didn’t crumble off before you reached your temporary bed.  

From the moment your tired bones hit your comforter, time traveled at a strange pace. You didn’t know how long you spent lying prone on the sheets, your head lolled towards the window. Watching the light snowfall outside did nothing to bring you out of your dark space. 

Being left out, confused, and feeling betrayed left you mentally drained. How long were you going to feel like this? Like you were just going to keep being lied to? Maybe you weren’t outwardly lied to, but omitting something was still considered a lie. The truth was still held captive and you couldn’t even pay it a visit. 

Rin and Taehyung reacted strongly to what you said. That had to mean whatever else Seokjin was supposed to say to you was big. You weren’t stupid. At least, that’s what you concluded. 

But what if you were this time? 

You loathed this feeling. You hated being looked at with pity. Even Rin knew what was left unsaid this time, so you were truly alone in the dark. 

A dark monster within you rose to life, and you ripped yourself from the sheets. Snatching your coat from the couch, you jerked your arms inside, striding toward your door with purpose. A ball of fury, you were determined to march up the slopes and confront Seokjin. Everything was getting ridiculous. 

Tugging the door open, you flinched at the figure waiting on the other side. A brief moment of silence and bewilderment and worry washed over you, quelling a small part of your harbored anger. “What happened to you?” 

Seokjin stood in front of you wrapped in his puffy coat, hair in disarray and a small gash on his cheek. His nose was red with the cold and a small cut, and his eyes looked as if he had been holding back tears. Tears? Was he crying? Even now, it seemed like a few were threatening to fall as his gaze lowered. A ghost of a voice wafted from his mouth as he replied, “Jimin.” 

You winced. Remembering the glances the younger man gave you this morning, you should have seen a conflict brewing. Your friend wasn’t lying when he said he’d give Seokjin hell. Something must have broken out when they were on the slopes, or anytime you weren’t there with them. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 

If you didn’t have that revelation with Rin and Taehyung, you would have been absolutely thrown by Seokjin’s appearance and the cause of it. But it seemed that both groups found out what he told you last night and neither were pleased with the result. What that result was, you couldn’t determine yet. But based on your own categories, “I got into Harvard” and “I’m moving back to Korea” fit in the Should Know box. The Deserved to Know box was still accepting applications. 

“Come in.” Your fury had to simmer on a proverbial stove for the time being. “I have a first aid kit in my bag.” 

You hurried him into the room before making a beeline for your duffle. The adrenaline built while you were fired up was still thrumming your bones like guitar strings. Nothing more was said as your bag crinkled with your rummaging, even though you wanted to just wring answers from his neck already. 

But you couldn’t. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts, both the past woes you were fighting and your current worries. 

As Jin awkwardly stood in front of your bed, you kept pondering. What the hell happened out there? How did it end up in a physical altercation? Did Jin fight back? It was already obvious Jimin initiated it, but you wondered if he sported any bruises, too. Not from Seokjin, though. Because you couldn’t ever see him throwing a punch. You were more curious about someone like Yoongi. The elder one was incredibly protective of Jin.

When you found the kit, you spun around to start tending to your ex’s face. “Bed,” you ordered, pointing towards yours with the first aid box. Your tone was harsh, but you weren’t holding it back.

The man was silent as he delicately sat on the comforter, and you instantly noticed how he refused to look at you still. 

No matter. Treating his cuts was a priority, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to force him into confrontation right after. Seokjin wasn’t going to have a choice. 

Perching yourself next to him, you propped one leg up to steady yourself, clicking open the small kit next to you. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he carried along, but it housed the basics. Fetching some antiseptic and cotton first, you told him to turn towards you so that you could start. 

And despite your anger, your exasperation, your frustration, the hands you lifted to Seokjin’s face were nothing but calm. 

Throughout the time you dusted his cuts, you kept your gaze on his cheek, his mouth, his nose. A wall erected around you that you refused to take down. After all of the hurt Seokjin had caused, the turmoil he had put you through, it was pertinent you wouldn’t let him in. You had your soldiers’ arrows at the ready, directed right at his wounded face. 

But if you so much as flitted your gaze toward his eyes, your walls would crumble to dust. Your gates would slam open in surrender. 

Because having him this close to you after all this time was like coming home. And you harbored that feeling ever since the scent of his cologne consumed you. Your face hovered inches from his, your fingers gently pressing his features. All of the nights you yearned to be this close were so lonely and cold, and his warmth was tugging your heart by multiple strings. 

His looming absence was hitting you deeply then. If you gave in only to lose him again, the pain would surely hollow out your soul until you were a mere shell of yourself. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and slip down into the soil underneath the lodge. 

Suddenly, a hand cradled your cheek, and you shook on impact. Without thinking, you locked eyes with Jin, and it was then that you realized he was wiping hot tears from your face. 

“If I’m the reason for these,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

Something strangled escaped you, and you finally caved. “You are,” you exhaled, unable to stop the tears from falling. “You really are.”

You tore yourself from the bed, instantly feeling the lingering warmth of his fingers fade. A chasm was created between you two: your chest heaving on one side and his face crumbling on the other. The mountain of thoughts and feelings you created broke down under pressure, emotions roaring down its slopes in a cathartic avalanche. “I’ve been looking like a fool this whole trip, and apparently everyone is feeling so fucking sorry for me. Why can’t you just tell me everything? What did Yoongi mean? What do I deserve to know? You told me you got into Harvard and have the audacity to say you aren’t happy? What the hell is that about? We’re supposed to be friends, so why am I feeling like you’re letting that all go?” You choked on your tears and clasped a hand over your mouth, a burn blossoming in your chest from the dry sobs. 

Seokjin’s eyes ringed with a burgeoning shade of pink, both of his pupils glossed in guilt. “I’m not… I’m not letting that go, but--”

“But what, Seokjin,” you gritted out, “Please stop and just tell me already.” 

“But I was too scared,” he admitted, “I’m still scared.” 

“Why are you scared?” The question drifted to his face, and you could tell he was struggling to answer even that one. It pained you to be this close yet so far from the answer.

“Why are you scared, Seokjin,” you whispered again, realizing that his hands were shaking. 

“Because…” You watched as he clenched them on his thighs, and he struggled to get the words out. “Because it’s going to happen again.” 

Enough with the obscurity. Frustration reached a boiling point. “What’s going to happen again?” 

“Exactly what happened last time!” Seokjin declared as his eyes pleaded with you, eyebrows furrowed and kneeling in anguish. The skin encasing his watery eyes remained that same dusty shade of affliction. 

You couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was saying, until you remembered last night. When you asked him about the time he loved before. 

Wait.

Your hand made a slow descent from your face as you matched Seokjin’s stare. A million words skittered across your eyes, transforming into liquid and sliding down your skin. You were sure you looked an absolute wreck with your tear-stained cheeks and reddened nose, but that didn’t concern you at all. The only thing you could hang onto was Jin’s words, just short of a confession. 

But you had to be sure. You weren’t settling for five words that could mean a thousand other things while arranged the same way. “The one from before,” you more stated than questioned, “Where is she now.” 

Seokjin never broke his gaze, doing an incredible job of keeping tears at the edges of his eyes. Heavy breaths caused his chest to swell with each pass. Voice low, he finally, finally caved, “She’s the one on the polaroid I have in my room.” 

The entire conversation from last night struck you like a freight train. So many realizations hit you at once and you didn’t know how your trembling legs were keeping you upright. 

It was you. He was talking about you. 

Your coat smothered your limbs like a cage, your whole being rattling inside like an animal starved. 

That was what he was truly hiding from you. That was what he had buried deep down into his chest. And you couldn’t blame him one bit after you realized it was exactly what you were holding from him, too. 

No matter the reason, you still kept your own truth hidden. It occurred to you then that you couldn’t be angry - that would just be hypocrisy. There was bravery in confession, and even more so to someone you no longer were allowed to feel that way about. 

You were the one that forced the truth out of Seokjin, and now you only felt like a coward. 

Movement in front of you snapped your vision back into focus. He was getting up to leave. Why was he leaving? 

“I knew this would happen,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.” 

Oh. He assumed your silence was from guilt. Guilt that you didn’t feel the same. And he was about to walk out with that egregious misconception. What an absolute fool.

But no matter how hard you tried, the words wouldn’t budge from the back of your teeth. 

You had two choices here. One, you told him. You laid everything out and you admitted that you felt the same. Then tomorrow, he would leave your life and you may not see him again for years. And you tried this before - being in two separate schools and living different lives while holding onto your relationship. It obviously didn’t work last time, and you still saw him from time to time. This situation would be a thousand times harder. 

Which brought you to the second option: you let him go. You let him leave without telling him how you felt. Rip the bandage off right there and then. Leave him to pursue his dream, and with that the freedom to go and find someone else to love. Was that what you wanted? Was this your own sick version of loving him? All the villains in the universe would applaud you as you lied to his face while telling him not to give up. How fucking cruel would that be?

“Seokjin,” you called out, and your chest subtly heaved when he turned to stone by the door. His broad back remained still as you took a step towards him, and only after you roamed your eyes over his shoulders did you notice small movements. But he didn’t face you. It was almost as if he didn’t want to.

Agony consumed your entire being as you made your decision. 

You shut your eyes, clenched your jittering fingers into hard fists. 

“See you at the campfire,” you whispered, your voice unfamiliar even to yourself. 

The only response you got was the soft opening and closing of your door.

Compared to last night’s lion of a snow storm, tonight was but a mere cub. There were small flakes here and there taking their time to descend, and the fixtures from inside the lodge were the only light source beside the fire pit you were approaching downstairs. 

Situated in the center of your friends, the flames danced across their jovial smiles as they passed bottles around. The drinks weren’t the lodge’s, but the ones you all brought and snuck out of the rooms - the telltale green glass was enough of a hint. 

After Seokjin left, it took you a couple minutes to let everything out, and about thirty minutes crying into Rin’s shoulder once she witnessed your crumpled form on the floor. She listened to your recap of the conversation and Jin’s final secret, and through broken sobs you told her you couldn’t tell him yours. When she asked why, you told her your reasoning. When she called you an idiot, you wholeheartedly agreed and cried even harder. 

But you still stuck with your decision. It was for the best. You loved him so much that you wanted what was best for him, and that was to let you go. 

“Promise me one thing,” Rin murmured, earning a nod from you. “Only go through with it if you know you won’t regret it.” 

A sharp pain sliced through you then, but you acquiesced. “I won’t.” 

She then grabbed your Polaroid from the bed. It was Namjoon’s idea to bring it to the campfire once he heard you brought it on the trip. “Are you okay with this?” 

“Yeah,” you gulped, regarding the old piece of the past with heavy eyes. Seokjin confessed to you with the help of that camera. You weren’t okay with the mere idea of touching it. “Yeah, it’s fine. I want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, so. Yes.” 

Even if that meant you suffered. This was Seokjin’s last trip with everyone, not just you. Why keep them from making good memories just because you were a walking dark cloud?

You reached the bottom of the rickety stairs, the squeaky noises catching the attention of the boys. Most of them raised their bottles to you, but you caught Jin staring at the fire instead. 

If you got through this night in one piece, it would be a miracle.

Namjoon stood as you and Rin settled into your seats. “Okay. Since we’re all here now, I say we start.” 

As everyone gave their cheers, the eldest just looked confused. “Start what?”

“Something for you,” Yoongi explained, his body already comfortable in his Adirondack. “Since you aren’t joining us for these anymore.”

“Ah, yah,” Seokjin protested, “You don’t need to do anything—”

“Don’t lie, you already love this,” Jimin cut in, all smiles despite the companion bruises and cuts on his face to Jin’s. “Although, your opinion may change in a second.”

Jungkook paused his leg bouncing to shout, “Let hyung explain!” 

You smiled as the group settled, but noticed that Jimin was looking at you strangely. You didn’t have time to process it, though, since Namjoon headed things off while a bottle rested against his chest, “Jin-hyung. We just want you to know that we’re proud of you. Even though we may not see you for awhile, you’ll be in our hearts and on our minds. Starting tomorrow, you’re already Dr. Kim to us, so I say we all call you by name tonight.”

Laughter and claps filled the air, drowning out Seokjin’s weak protests. 

Namjoon cleared his throat to calm the air, and you watched small flakes catch in his hair as he continued, “We’ll each do two things: give you advice, and ask for advice. Since you’re clearly educated, we figured you’d have a lot to say.”

“Oh, I’m just lucky.” 

“And keep sharp, everyone. Miss Photographer over there will be taking pictures.” Namjoon nodded at you, and you gave a short smile while holding up the Polaroid. You were fine doing this; behind the lens was your safe space. 

The boys and Rin slowly got through their questions and advice, and you were shocked by how insightful Seokjin was being. You never truly realized the magnitude of his intelligence. Every person around the campfire hung on his every word, and it didn’t help that you all took a swig after every good point he made - many, many times. You diligently fired away on your camera, making sure to get Seokjin with everyone so they could all have a moment captured with him. 

When Jimin’s turn came, he shot you a glance before looking at your ex. “Jin. That sounds weird to say. Jin-hyung.” He looked at the ground before continuing, and you knew it was to compose himself. “My advice to you… Sorry,” he buried his head in his elbow for a brief moment. Yoongi looked away. 

“I kinda gave you advice already,” Jimin trudged on, “And you took it. So, my next piece of advice would be to, uh, keep going.” 

You were rooted to your chair. Seokjin didn’t spare you a single glance during that exchange, but you knew it was about you. It had to be how he ended up at your door earlier. He even said Jimin was the one responsible for his wounds. 

“Thank you, Jimin,” Jin replied. “As for my advice to you, it’s okay to let people figure things out on their own. You don’t have to put it on yourself to be the one that keeps people together. If something ends up breaking, you’re going to think it’s your fault.” 

Jimin regarded him with watery eyes before nodding and wiping his freezing tears. And when he looked your way, he saw you only looking at Seokjin. Your face was slowly cracking, and the shadows in your facade were exacerbated by the flames. 

It was your turn; everyone else went. The Polaroid felt like a boulder on your thighs.

You blinked before setting the camera down and clutching your bottle. Since Seokjin was on the other side of the fire, you had to stand to see him, your tenseness on full display. 

What could you possibly say in that moment that he wanted to hear? That he was willing to listen to? You were certain you took his heart and slammed it into the ground earlier. It would be better if you just didn’t say anything. 

“Seokjin,” you started, pausing to collect yourself. “My advice to you is to forget the advice I gave you before.” 

Several pairs of eyes looked at you then. Even Jin finally regarded you, the most aware of what you were referring to.

“What I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to give up sometimes, because not everything that you want to happen is going to happen. There will be times you will just have to let things go. And that’s okay. Because maybe letting things go would end up for the best.” 

Jimin’s eyes bore into your soul. He sat so still that it put all the statues throughout history to shame. 

Seokjin grabbed his bottle with both hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Interesting advice.” His eyes danced as they took in the warm flames. “I might even follow it.” 

Both of your lungs threatened to give out at his words. Your hands almost dropped the glass you were barely clinging to, but you never looked away from Jin. It was as if your attention was chained to his body, your soul weighed down by his earlier confession and now his possible break. 

If he followed your advice, shouldn’t you be happy? It’s what you wanted in the end, right? You would let him go, and he wouldn’t look back. 

Snow drifted onto everyone’s chairs and the fire crackled in front of you. A small breath left you in a wisp of white. Warmth did its best to help you, but the cold was too strong. No amount of fire in the world could melt your icy conscience - you truly left Seokjin in the dark. He practically admitted that he loved you, and in return you gave him nothing. Of course he would consider your advice.  

“But I like the sound of not giving up. It has a ring to it that exists beyond the sound it makes when someone says it,” he cut himself off, the silence deafening. Inside, bells rang in your head. What was he implying? Seokjin’s voice was as clear as blue skies when he continued, “So, I guess I’m stealing your advice and giving it to everyone here.” 

Your gaze shifted to the side as everyone turned towards Seokjin. This was something you weren’t prepared to digest. Settling back down into your chair, you tried to even out your breathing and neutralize your shaking fingers. 

Your feelings were warring with each other in a confusing battle. If you wanted him to follow your advice, why were you relieved when he said he liked not giving up? Did that mean you hoped he still waited for you? Years and years and years from now? 

“Take it from me: don’t give up,” he advised. “But what I mean by that is to not give up until you’re happy.” 

Guilt squeezed your eyes shut, clamping your lids down. He was going to wait. Love was the one thing he wanted to be happy. And you held your love for him tightly in your hands, behind your back and hidden from sight. 

But even still, in the midst of your silent rejection, this man wasn’t letting go. Without saying the words, Seokjin was going to wait for you. Because he still loved you. 

This was too hard. 

“To being happy,” Jimin boisterously cheered, startling everyone and causing your bones to rattle. His glass remained high in the air, and everyone joined in with their own proclamations. 

“To being happy,” you whispered alongside the others, quickly taking a swig.

Yoongi was the next one to pipe up as he declared, “Okay, now that all that’s done, let’s just drink for fuck’s sake.” 

Amongst the laughter and “thank god”s thrown about, you quickly downed the rest of your drink like it was your lifeline. You needed more than liquid courage to get through the rest of the night. The camera by your feet was snatched up by Jungkook before Taehyung could get to it, and you prayed to every higher power that they kept it in one piece. 

As everyone made their way back to their rooms, you noticed Seokjin joking and laughing with the others like normal. It was a continuation of the rest of the night, since after the advice conversation it was nothing but fun. Your Polaroid almost ran out of film, for one, but watching everyone fight over the photos was entertainment in itself. There were digs toward Jin until he turned red, jabs thrown at Jimin’s fragile emotional state, and Rin’s warm laughter coating everything in a soft glow. 

And it was a bittersweet event. There was nothing more you wanted than to capture that moment and place it in a snowglobe. The world wouldn’t interfere with your friends, and none of you would ever leave. 

Seokjin was about to head up the stairs to tuck in for the night. Full of soju and stupidity, you blurted, “Leaving already?” 

He stilled before turning toward you. “Oh. Yeah.” He regarded you with a look you couldn’t completely decipher. “Long day tomorrow.” 

“Right,” you replied, hating the sudden hollowness you felt. Or didn’t feel. 

“Well… Good night.” Seokjin tapped the banister twice before heading up, and you softly wished him good night before speedwalking to your room. You were only tipsy, so the fast trip didn’t bother you. The camera in your hands kept your center balanced the whole way back.

By some strange miracle, you kept it together the whole time after everyone’s campfire speeches. You imagined yourself as an ice sculpture, surrounded by the guests of honor. Everyone gave you a glance and thought nothing else of you. They could only see composure and poise. Only when they got closer could they see you slowly melting, rivulets of remorse cascading down your entire frame.

Rin was in the middle of her skincare routine when you entered your room. As soon as she heard your footsteps, she made a noise indicating she had something to say. The product around her mouth didn’t let her yet, though. Which meant you had to wait. 

You stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, vision spinning just a smidge. This was probably a talk you didn’t want to have, but you gave your friend her podium. It was only fair. Her serious talks were few and far between. 

But she didn’t have much to say when she finished getting ready for bed. In fact, she only said three sentences. 

“It’s 11 o’clock,” she stated plainly, her tone indicating she was done with the calmer approach. Bluntness was more her style. 

“Okay?” 

“We leave at 7 in the morning.” 

“And?” 

“It means you have eight hours to decide how you’re going to feel for the next ten years.” 

Silence. 

All you could respond with was silence. 

Dead air. Sober. You were sober now. In that moment, you may have held your breath for a century. Too many thoughts flooded your brain, from past memories at a carnival to future images of an empty apartment with a bed fit for one. 

It was stark. Blank. There wasn’t going to be a future with Seokjin, no matter what you said. 

But when Rin put it that way, would you feel better if he knew the truth? Or would you keep this idiotic stance and lock your feelings away forever? 

For the third time that night, your fingers rattled. Rin took them into her comforting palms. 

“Go,” she murmured, and she smiled as she witnessed you burst into the hall. 

Your strides were incredibly long as you hurried down the corridor. The doors blurred on either side of your vision, the pattern of the floor elongated with your fast pace. Your camera thudded into your chest over and over. Step after step after step got faster and faster as your anxiousness bubbled into your brain. The last turn before the stairs made you skid, and you rushed up the rickety steps. Your heart was thrumming, scratching at your chest to set it free. 

When you got to his door, you were certain you woke sleeping neighbors with your rapid knocking. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Nothing could possibly stop you now.

You had no plan. There wasn’t time to think. All you wanted was to see him. All you could think about was letting everything out. Eight hours. You had eight hours.

Seokjin tugged the door open, pausing mid-swing when he saw your face. He looked so beautiful. Full of warmth. Like home.

“Jinnie.” 

You didn’t mean to call him that, but you didn’t take it back. You weren’t taking anything back anymore. His eyes roamed over your features multiple times, searching for any indication that this was a dream. But it wasn’t. The words finally slipped from your lips. 

“I’m not following your advice. Or my own.” 

His eyebrows furrowed, but you pushed on. 

“I’m giving up. But I’m giving up because I can’t let you go.” When Seokjin stared at you, it was impossible to look away. 

His response came out in a rush, “What are you… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you.” You huffed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Damn it, I— I just love you. I love you so much it hurts.” 

A shaky exhale left you at the look on his face. The quick descent into realization formed in the corners of his eyes, tears pooled at the edges before quickly streaming down his cheeks, collecting at the crux of his chin. Glassy orbs bore straight into your soul in search of answers, of truth. And if he wanted those answers, you already admitted the biggest one, so words were easier to come by.

“I’ve felt this way ever since our trip last year,” you started, slowly inching toward the wreck of a man. Not like you fared any better with the streaks forming on your own cheeks. “And I know it’s the stupidest thing to tell you now since you’re leaving, and we failed at long distance before, but--” 

Seokjin breathed out your name, and his next words would stay imprinted in your mind forever. “I still want to try. And I’ll try as many times as you’ll let me.” 

“I know. I know that now,” you whispered. 

Passion and warmth bloomed in your chest, spiraling out into the far reaches of your limbs. Hundreds of nights imagining him accepting you again didn’t prepare you for this feeling. Nothing was holding you back; your walls came crashing down. 

You finally broke and shielded your face in your hands, and you felt sturdy arms shield you from the world. The cruel, beautiful world that brought you two together right before he disappeared from your life again. You cried, and sobbed, and wheezed. The elation from his confession only magnified the pain of his departure. 

You felt the weight of the Polaroid leave your chest as Seokjin lifted it from your neck. “Come inside,” Seokjin whispered into your hair, earning a hiccup from your chest. “Please.” 

It was only then that you noticed you were still out in the hall. A small nod from you was all he needed to guide you into his room, and your throat constricted at the bags lying open on the bed. 

Seokjin was already packing. Packing while thinking he was going to go through the same thing he went through last time. You felt absolutely sick. How could you even think of doing this to him? If there was a way to make it all up to him, you would do it. “I didn’t want to tell you before,” you confessed, burying your nose into his chest. “But that was wrong of me. You almost left without knowing. I’m so sorry.” 

Strong, lean fingers traveled through your hair as your camera was placed on a table. The heavy clunk it made reached your ears, and a whisper followed. “I didn’t want to tell you, either. You don’t need to apologize.” 

“If I told you earlier, we would’ve had more time. Now I’m just sad.”  

“Look at me.” Jin caressed the back of your head, naturally lifting your gaze. His watery eyes took yours in, and he leaned forward to kiss the top of your hair. “We still have tonight, so if we’re going to be sad, let’s wait until after.” 

“But you’re crying, too,” you observed, feeling slightly better from his words. How Seokjin was able to have that effect on you, you would never understand. 

A light huff from him made you melt. “That’s because I’m so happy,” he confessed, softly laughing again and wiping his eyes with both hands. 

He was happy. Seokjin was happy. You looked at the growing smile under his fingers, and you had no choice but to grin and join in his laughter. 

Not because it was funny. But because it was unbelievable. You were able to gift him the last piece he was missing - he was finally able to find that happiness. How were you about to deny that from him? Now it seemed unfathomable.

When you looked at his hands again, you noticed there were lingering cuts. Worry washing over you, you cradled one in your palms and asked as Seokjin looked at you, “Should I take care of this, too?” Though the man had more than enough knowledge on playground injury care, you still offered because you wanted to be there for him in any possible way.

He replied instantly, “I took care of everything. Jimin, too. You saw him being his usual self earlier.” 

“He said he’d give you hell if you didn’t talk to me on this trip. I didn’t think he would go this far, though.” You reached up to run a thumb along the small gash on Seokjin’s cheek, the blood drying into a deep red. “I’ll make him regret it later.” 

Jin leaned into your touch, causing sparks in your skin. “Don’t,” he whispered, “He’s the reason I ended up at your door.” 

You just nodded and lost yourself in the feel of his soft face. It was incredibly smooth under your fingers, even better than when you held his cheeks all those years ago. To think that this man loved you ever since then, and continued to do so until now, was unbelievable. But it was true, and no amount of words could account for how you felt about that. 

Those eyes overflowing with adoration and affection were solely for you, and diving into them felt like being immersed in sunlit waters. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

The simple question took you by surprise, but you gazed at his lips. They only looked inviting, so who were you to deny him? “Please,” you sighed, and your eyelids closed shut at his pillowy touch. 

Color sprang from your heart at his confession, but heat burst from your chest at his kiss. The moment his lips met yours, every worry wrapped around your conscience snapped in two. Vines of doubt, regret, and anxiety withered under the warmth of Seokjin’s touch. It was cleansing. Powerful. Searing. 

A hand captured the back of your neck, and Jin took advantage of your gasp by dragging his tongue around the edge of your lips, a wordless plea to let him in. You gave in immediately, leaning forward and deepening the kiss, roping his tongue and eliciting a groan. 

Heat rushed between your legs and you echoed his sound with a soft moan of your own. Unwittingly, your hands found their way to Seokjin’s chest and you reveled in the feel of him under the thin material of his shirt. Without breaking your lips from his, you skirted the cotton hem with your fingers.  

Jin knew what you wanted, and his grin against your mouth only made you flush with desire. He broke from your lips to fully remove his shirt, and seeing his bare chest wiped the air from your lungs. You could only stare as you took in the lines of his solid build, wondering how the hell he had the time to achieve that look. 

Seokjin smirked at your reaction, tossing his top and hauling the bags off his bed while you were taking time to process everything. “Do I need to charge you?” 

You shook your empty head like a zombie. Your brain was currently mush, purely focused on the way his muscles rippled and slid against the confines of his skin. “No, don’t. I didn’t bring any money with me.” 

Laughter erupted from the other side of the bed. After Seokjin placed the last bag on the floor, he straightened and clarified, “I meant plug you in. You seem to be buffering over there. Low battery?”

“Shut up and get on the bed,” you teased, shrugging off the coat you still had on. You didn’t even get to change since coming in from the campfire. 

“Shut up and get on the bed, yes,” Seokjin fired back mercilessly as he sat on the comforter. He knew exactly how to push you. Even though you laughed, you made you way over to him and stood between his legs. 

You were silent then. No matter how happy you were, his departure tomorrow was weighing on you. The time you had with him was short. 

You wanted to make the most of it. Bringing your hand up to his face, you made sure to lightly skim over his gashes before mapping the rest. You wanted to ingrain every curve, every dip, every feature into memory. Every second was precious. The polaroid you had of him would still be no match for the real thing. If only you could capture the warmth of someone and keep it frozen in time.

Sure fingers clasped your hand, and Seokjin softly pulled you closer. Your first instinct was to rush in and hug him for dear life, and he immediately did the same to you, snatching the breath from your lungs and tugging tears from your ducts. You buried your face into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and lamenting all the time you spent worrying over the smallest things. 

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Seokjin whispered, squeezing your heart. 

“I know,” you choked. You didn’t have much else to say.

“I just want to make sure we use it to do what you want.” 

You loosened your hold on him, astonished by his consideration. The growing bulge under his pants was more than screaming his wants. You felt it ever since the first kiss. But even still, he wanted to accommodate you. Your needs before his. 

It just made you fall for him even more. 

Reaching down to skim your fingers along his cock straining against his pants, you hovered your lips over his neck. “I want you,” you whispered before descending upon the smooth expanse of skin and earning a groan. 

Without warning, Seokjin tightened his arms around you. In one smooth motion, he effortlessly lifted you to straddle his thighs. You didn’t have time to think as he followed up with grabbing your head, pulling you down for another heated kiss. Your fingers latched onto his shoulders, scraping them when he thrust his tongue into your mouth. 

“Don’t do that yet,” he grunted, and you didn’t need to ask why after feeling a twitch in his jeans. 

You obeyed for the time being, cupping his neck with both hands. When you rolled your body against his, the hard feel of his stomach made you whimper. It was when you settled back on his hardness that your eyes widened. You were sure he was aching despite his silence. Maybe you could help him out a bit. “Jinnie,” you whispered, a firm hand on his chest, “Lie back for me.” 

“I love hearing that again,” Seokjin admitted through a content smile, starting a fire across your cheeks. He leaned back after giving you another peck, and you plucked yourself from his thighs to take your shoes off. 

But time was your biggest motivator to strip most of your clothes at that moment - not just your boots. Your pants were first, followed by your sweater, and finally your shirt. The whole time, Seokjin stayed propped on his elbows, watching you intently. He couldn’t hide the adoration in his eyes even if he tried. As he watched you stand there in nothing but your set, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” you whispered in return. “Still not as great as you, though.” You started unbuttoning his jeans before he could defend his stance, and he lifted his lower body to help you shrug them off with his underwear. When Seokjin’s thick cock sprung free, your heart jumped at the sight. It had been so long since you felt it, tasted it, rode it. Was he thinking the same? Taking his velvety length in your hand for the first time in a long time, you felt a burst of confidence at its familiarity and his response.

“Baby,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Please.” 

You didn’t need another word. At the sound of the familiar pet name, you already started hovering over his cock, admiring how pretty it was before diving in. Licking around the head, you used the slick to glide your mouth far down his shaft, rolling your hand along the bottom to coat the rest. 

Seokjin jolted at the sudden pleasure, and you felt a pang in your heart. You wanted him to remember this night. And you were much more experienced than you were before, though you would only get so much time to prove your growth. 

Coming up for air, you used your hand to gather the rest of your spit and slide it down his cock, rubbing it a few times before diving down again. The stilted, garbled noises coming from your filled mouth were even getting your own underwear soaked, but they weren’t a match for Seokjin’s. His delicious grunts and moans sent you close to the edge. They were deeper than you remembered, and he wasn’t one to shy away from showing you how turned on and pleasured he was feeling.

The prominent veins of his cock were the roads along which your tongue traveled, and you made sure to love them all in between stuffing him fully in your warm mouth. He was so big, but you wanted to take every inch, tears welling in your eyes with your efforts. 

You fought through even when you felt him rock the back of your throat. Seokjin took that moment to sit up, causing tears to leak fully down your cheeks at the deeper thrust. His hands dove into your hair, but he didn’t force your head down. Instead, they tugged you off his cock, and he gazed down lovingly at your wrecked expression. Jin’s voice dipped an octave and came out coated in sin as he asked, “Can you go a little more for me, beautiful?” 

Your body tingled on instinct. You nodded and, when he smiled, you gripped his drenched dick in your fingers before descending your mouth onto his balls. Seokjin bucked his hips forward in a jolt as you grinned, lapping at his salty skin and delighting in the tremulous groans rolling down your back. Your hand squeezed the tip of his shaft before you straightened again, taking his cock captive without pause.

“Shit,” he grunted, his long fingers diving into your hair. His hands still didn’t push you down further, oddly, so you took the initiative and plunged down yourself. 

The feel of his cock in your mouth was so familiar. It was almost second nature how easily you sucked him off, knowing when to hollow your cheeks and pull him further down the abyss of ecstasy. When to sink further and hum, ripping a delicious sound from his throat. Even when to bob and swirl your head around, effectively shutting down his ability to function. 

It was then that you chose to really bring it home. You breathed through your nose as you took more and more of him in, even after you couldn’t breathe anymore. You felt your nose hit this pubic bone, and the long moan you got from Seokjin was worth the burn in your throat. His fingers tightened around your head, but when you came up gasping for air he didn’t stop you. 

“Come here,” is all he said, tugging you up to straddle him again. A trail of saliva swung from your lips as you came up, but you paid it no mind. If anything, it added to the building lust inside your bones. Your panties were absolutely drenched by now, so dragging your core along Seokjin’s cock caused both of you to twinge. “Fuck,” he gasped, fueling your heat. 

“Jinnie, please,” you whimpered, your voice hoarse. You wanted everything from him at once. You were getting impatient, and the overwhelming time pressure was stressing you the hell out. “I need you, please.” 

Suddenly, everything stopped as Seokjin cradled your chin and swiped the spit from your lips. “You have me,” he assured you. “You have all of me.” He kissed your nose. “And you’ll have me for a very long time.” 

Relenting, you leaned into his touch. “Now is what I’m concerned about.” 

“I know,” he agreed before kissing you again. “I just wanted you to know the rest.” 

“Okay,” you whispered before capturing his full lips with your own. When you felt him wrapping his arms around you, your heart leaped into your throat. When you felt him shift the both of you to lower you onto the bed, you already knew fresh tears were waiting behind your eyes. 

With great care, Jin slipped your underwear off your smooth legs. Your bra was deftly unhooked next - not without an eyebrow raise from you and a wink from him - and tossed from the bed. 

Staring at your naked form, Seokjin appeared completely lost in thought. It got to the point where you felt like covering yourself, but when you attempted to he swiftly denied any insecurity. “Don’t keep this from me,” he whispered. “I want to remember everything.” 

You kept it together until then. Something in you broke and you softly choked on a cry. So he was thinking the same as you. This was the last night for a long time. 

Starting from your shoulder, he kissed his way down along your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Taking one breast in one hand, he swirled his tongue around the nipple of the other. You gasped from the sudden burst of pleasure, which made Seokjin repeat the motion on the other side. He then lightly sucked on the nipple, releasing it with a small pop. 

You wanted to close your eyes and lose yourself in the waves of pleasure he was giving you, making his way down your body. But you wanted to relive this night again and again. So you had to keep your eyes on him. Only him. His mouth’s searing heat as it kissed along your stomach, and the stark cold left behind when he moved on. His soft touch as he gently pried your legs open, and dark, lust-filled eyes as he stared at your dripping entrance. You wanted to remember the way he kissed along your legs, nipping in some places to make you gasp. The way his beautiful lips connected with your heat in a reverent kiss before his tongue explored inside. Each flick of his tongue, squeeze of his fingers on your legs, noise from his lips. How you loved him through every second of him worshipping you. 

As soon as he brought his fingers up to caress your folds while sucking on your clit, you had to stop him. It was too much. You wanted to feel him when you broke. 

Seokjin wordlessly obeyed as he crawled above you. You pulled him down for a kiss, not caring how he tasted. Your hands then went to his shoulders as he positioned himself at your entrance. 

“Are you still…” 

“Yes,” you nodded, touched that he remembered. “I’m still on it.” 

“Okay.” He swooped down to capture your lips, and when you clenched your fingers around his shoulders, he grunted. “Are you okay to take it all?” 

“Go slow. For now,” you said, earning a nod. “It’s been awhile.”

Seokjin’s gaze was heavy as he prepared himself. “Same.” 

At the initial push, you whooshed out a gasp. It had been way too long since you’d been with someone. The intrusion indeed hurt. Maybe you should have let him prep you more, in hindsight. But Seokjin was nothing but tender as he waited for you to adjust. Once you were okay, he steadily pushed out and in again, going deeper. Slowly but surely, you were able to fully take him in. 

And the feel of him completely inside you was nothing like you’ve felt before. It was comfort. It was home. It was a perfect fit, and you wanted to stay like that forever. 

“God,” Seokjin groaned, “I don’t want to leave this room.” 

You chuckled, rolling your hips. “Hmm, pussy or Harvard. That’s a pretty tough one.” 

“If it’s yours, Harvard can wait,” Seokjin grunted before sending your thoughts spiraling with a huge thrust. You outright whined at him, but he pulled out only to spear you again with one long motion. “You still like it rough, baby?” 

Chills cascaded down your spine and pooled at the apex of your toes. This was the Seokjin you were waiting for. You wondered if he was still into that after witnessing everything he was doing for you beforehand. But oh, were you ready for the pivot. “Fuck, yes,” you moaned. “You know I do.” 

“You still have your word?” 

“Carousel, yes.” 

“Good girl.” That was all Seokjin needed. Grabbing the top of the headboard behind you, he launched into a rough and relentless pace that had you seeing stars. You felt so full, yet so weightless as you let your body go limp. The feel of Seokjin’s cock slamming into you repeatedly would continue to exist for months after tonight, the ridges of it sliding along your walls never forgotten entirely. You needed as much as he could give, and he knew that. 

Gripping one of your legs, he hauled it over his sweat-slicked shoulder and tilted himself to reach a deeper position, twisting his reddened face to plant kisses on your ankle. Mewl after mewl tumbled from your lips at the deep thrusts. 

“Touch yourself for me, baby,” Jin commanded while still pounding into you, and you wouldn’t dream of disobeying. Your fingers went straight for your jiggling breasts, teasing your nipples and tugging them for his blown out eyes. You moaned, and smirked when you saw Seokjin beginning to lose himself. 

His tell was his scrunched eyebrows, and his eyes shifting down to watch his cock ram into your tight cunt. You still knew, after years. 

You fell into complete ecstasy when he reached down with his free hand to rub your clit between your bodies, loving the way the veins in his arms protruded. Imagining licking along them all made you moan. And you didn’t care if the people around you heard. All of your mewls, moans, whines - they were all for Jin. He could have all of you again and again.  

After one particularly deep thrust, he tugged his cock out, leaving your walls fluttering around an agonizing emptiness. “Turn around. On your knees.” 

“Holy fuck, yes,” you rasped. He wasn’t letting the night go to waste at all. 

Before you even assumed the next position, you felt a hand come down on your ass. The smack jolted you forward in pain, with pleasure settling in its wake. 

“So pretty,” Seokjin whispered, ghosting his hand over the spot he spanked. He gave it another smack before gripping your ass cheeks apart. You assumed he was roving his eyes over your drenched core. “And still so wet.” 

“Just for you,” you affirmed. 

“Just for me,” he repeated before adjusting his knees on the bed to get closer. “But you might be too loud tonight, baby. I’m going to need silence from you this time.” 

Shit. You were never, ever good at this part. But you nodded. What you weren’t expecting right away was the initial stroke to be rough, right down to the hilt. You cried out immediately, earning you a harsh spank. 

Seokjin’s sudden laugh made you chuckle in embarrassment. He breathily joked, “Out of practice?” 

“Something like that,” you admitted, your elbows and grin lost in the sheets. “I’m rusty.” 

“Okay, let’s just do this then.” Jin leaned forward, stretching over you. You groaned at the feel of his solid chest on your soft back, your eyes rolling into your head feeling him completely mold into you for a moment. He got a fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and let your head rest on it. “Can you bite this for me, my love?” 

The new name spread wildfire across your face. “Yes. That I can do,” you assured him. When you had the material securely in your mouth, you nodded to signal he could continue. 

“Good girl.” And continue Seokjin did. He went right back into the dominant Jin he loved being, and the one you loved being with. There was no mercy in his thrusts, stroke after stroke after stroke. If you lifted your back a little or lowered your butt, he smacked your supple flesh and corrected you instantly. “Ass up, baby.” 

With Jin’s relentless pace, your body went limp and hung on by a thread. Loosening up allowed for even more of his cock, and your muffled moans started getting louder the closer and closer you got to the edge. You could feel your core tightening, threatening to unleash the pent up tension. 

“That’s it, beautiful,” Seokjin praised, feeling your walls squeeze around him. “Do you want to come like this?”

You hastily shook your head. You wanted to see him when you came. And if you remembered correctly, he loved seeing your face when it happened, as well.

“Too bad,” he chuckled darkly, and you almost came undone right then. “Guess you’ll have to come again the way you want to later.” Reaching under you, he toyed with your clit as he kept the pace from behind. 

You let go of the pillowcase as you kicked your head back in a moan, your saliva trail slowly gravitating toward the sheets. Seokjin only let you breathe for a second before pushing your head back down into the thin material. “Make noise again and you won’t come at all.”

Fuck. You bit hard into the pillow, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you felt yourself losing control. His fingers felt divine on your bundle of nerves, his dick sliding through your folds over and over and over. The hand he placed on your head smoothed over your hair before bunching it and tugging. You reared back, dots swimming in your vision. “God, I want to choke you. Can I do that, my love?” 

You released the pillow from your mouth again. His consideration was top notch tonight. Too much? You couldn’t decide or really care. “Yes, just do it. Do anything. Please. I’m so close.” 

“Mm. Then cover your mouth.” Before you could follow his command, Seokjin pulled you up by a shoulder to be flush against his front. Sweat coated your back and your ass, causing you to slide down his chiseled stomach while speared on his cock. A strong hand wrapped around your throat, and the fingers that were teasing your clit mercilessly now ventured into the front of your folds. 

One of your hands shot up to clamp over your mouth right before you let out a long groan. You loved when he took control, and when he lost control. If both happened at the same time, it was heaven. 

You could barely last on your knees as his dick slammed up into you repeatedly. The hand around your airway was tight but only just, his praises in your ear being the real culprit of your stolen breath. Your pussy clenched harshly around his length, and you knew from the tight coil in your body that you were seconds from euphoria. 

Seokjin felt it instantly. “Come, baby.” And as soon as he relinquished your throat did you give in, waves of pleasure coursing through you and a white burn shimmering in your lungs. It seemed endless. Ripple after ripple thrummed through your body, your joints slowly unlocking from their initial freeze. Behind you, Seokjin groaned and sang sweet nothings in your ear, his arms wrapping around your chest in a scorching embrace. 

The high ebbed, but did not completely recede. You knew Jin still needed release, so you kissed his wrist next to your shoulder and whispered, “I want to see you now.”

“Whatever you need.” Seokjin slowly unsheathed himself, and you felt a slight pain. You watched as he positioned his back on the headboard. He knew what you wanted to do. 

You made your way over to him and hovered over his length. Locking your hazy eyes with his dark set, you kissed him lazily as you languidly sank back onto him. Seokjin groaned when you didn’t use your hand as a guide beforehand. And frankly, that turned you on, too.

“You’re so tight still,” he grunted, his hands coming up and grabbing your ass before settling on your hips. 

You rolled your hips before finding a rhythm. “You’re just big,” you mock complained, earning a deep chuckle. 

“Aww. You sound. So. Sad,” he teased, thrusting up into you to punctuate each word. Your mewls were welcome now since he was done with his role. Now he could just sit back and enjoy your show for him. And occasionally torture you. 

You found your rhythm again, rougher with him now with your hands in his dark, sweaty locks. One of your hands dropped onto his chest and raked down his breast, eliciting a higher moan than normal. 

The sound caused heat to pool between your legs again, and you upped the pace. Your thighs burned from the exertion, but you kept yourself distracted by diving into Jin’s neck and nipping in multiple places. His arms left your hips to wrap around your back, and your breath faltered as he took over again. 

Seokjin was close. He was always close when his limbs locked hard into place. His upward thrusts were fast and hard, and you could only moan in his ear and take him in. The coil that released once tonight was tightening again, and you murmured in his ear that you were close. 

Seokjin only needed to kiss you like his life depended on it for you to unravel again. The wave was weaker than last time, but it could still cover mountains. Your head felt light, dancing above the clouds with no intention of coming down. You pushed yourself from his lips, allowing him to see your flushed chest and reddened cheeks. The second orgasm faded and loosened your limbs, but your heart felt completely connected to his, your soul nestled into the comfort of his tender embrace. “I love you,” you sighed, and you immediately felt a huge twitch between your folds.

“Lie down, baby. I’m close.” 

“It’s okay,” you whispered, cradling his cheek. “Come inside me, Jinnie. I wanna feel you.” 

“Shit,” he grunted. His thrusts descended into madness. Your heart rattled at the sight of his dusted red cheeks, sweaty neck, heaving chest. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and the one you would overturn stars to find should you ever lose him again. 

When he gazed down at your joined sex, you took in the wet strands of hair on his forehead. When he kicked his head back against the headboard to look at you with lidded eyes, you bit your swollen lips. This wonderful man was your lover, your ex, your friend, and now your lover again. Only this time, you truly loved him back. And you wanted to think back to this moment forever. 

Tears sprung into your eyes as he pulled you in for a searing kiss, and his orgasm released into you in spurts. The thrusts he made then were slow and powerful, and your body bobbed with the swells. You kissed him harder than necessary, almost willing to bruise your own lips on his. The longer you held his lips captive, the longer he couldn’t see your sorrow. 

But Seokjin already felt the drops ping his chest. He just let you cry because that’s what you needed. Even when he broke from the kiss, he never said a word. He trailed kisses along your wet cheeks, your sweaty nose, and your glistening forehead. His poignant visage held nothing but stars, and it reminded you of the night you fell in love, crushing your spirit ever more. 

Touch after touch after touch only coaxed more tears from your eyes. It felt never ending as you sat spent in his lap, still on his softening length. Sheer willpower was what caused you to finally speak, your voice hoarse, “We should clean up. You still need to pack and sleep.”

“We should, and I do,” he whispered. He patted your bum. “Can you get up by yourself?” 

You nodded before extracting yourself from his firm thighs, lamenting the fact that human bodies had limits. As you waddled to the bathroom, you stumbled along the way, Seokjin softly chuckled while following you and steadying you when needed. Even when you shot empty glares at him, the smile in his eyes never left. 

The rest of your time spent in his room consisted of silence and kisses. Ever the gentleman, he let you lie down on his bed while he used the other half for the bags to pack. It didn’t take him too long since he was organized from the jump, so when he was done he cleared the bed and joined you under the covers. When you felt a weight on your stomach, you looked down to see your camera dumped on the comforter. 

Seokjin wrapped a strong arm behind your neck. “What do you call naked pictures taken with a Polaroid?” 

“Oh, no.” You turned your head to face him. “What?” 

“Just pictures. But that’s old nudes.” 

You punished him by attacking his sides instantly, yanking a batch of honky laughs from him. Knowing your own weaknesses still, he unleashed his own parry, and it took a minute for the both of you to settle in a draw. 

“Don’t tell me the only reason you brought this into the bed was to tell that horrid joke,” you chuckled, your head back to resting in your pillow. 

“Nope. I wanna take one of us.” 

After getting past all seven of your objections and excuses, Seokjin whittled your walls down and got you to agree. The end product existed on the last film in your Polaroid: a crooked snapshot of him kissing your cheek as you smiled with creased eyes, sheets held against your chest. And he conceded in letting you keep it after watching you clutch it lovingly in your fingers. 

You immediately sought comfort in his embrace after setting the photo next to your phone on the nightstand, and he stole multiple kisses from you way after your eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. 

“Get some sleep, my love,” Seokjin whispered. 

And despite your sound of protest, you were pulled into the abyss of sleep right as you felt pillowy lips caress your forehead.

Rin-Rin [6:40am]: You’re lucky I love you. I packed your stuff and left out an outfit for you when you come down. Just don’t be late or I’ll drag you back down myself :)))

Jiminie [6:45am]: RISE N SHINE LOVEBIRDS

Rin-Rin [6:46am]: Oh, yeah, I may or may not have texted Jimin. 

Jiminie [6:46am]: ABOUT TIME

Jiminie [6:46am]: !!!

Tae [6:47am]: jimins scream woke me up. i can only assume that means ill get to be an uncle soon. dont let me down i want this(: 

Joonie [6:48am]: Aaaaaaaaaa !!!

Jiminie [6:48am]: And I know you want to yell at me for yesterday so I am ready for that whenever you are

Kook [6:50am]: <3 

You smiled at your texts before locking your phone. Seokjin was already up and about, making sure everything was packed and accounted for. When he saw you stirring, he came over and surprised you with a kiss so deep that it revitalized your sagging emotional state. “Morning,” you chuckled, swinging your sore legs out of the sheets and wincing at the cold. “I need to head back down.”

“Yeah, Rin already sent the first round of threats. I’ll see you at the car, okay?” 

You pecked him on the cheek after you slipped on your boots and grabbed your Polaroid.  Stepping into the hallway, you kept reminding yourself to not completely lose it yet. There was still a whole car ride you got to have with him, and you were determined to slow down time however you could. 

Your phone buzzed again, and you assumed Yoongi and Hoseok were just now waking up and getting the gossip. Checking your notifications only validated your guess.

Hobi [6:52am]: AHHHHH HAPPY FOR U~!!!

Hobi [6:52am]: ASLSKDJSKDHSKDJ

Yoongi [6:53am]: I’ll make sure to drag him back sometimes. It’s ludicrous to say that we’d never see him again. Drama queen. Anyways, happy for you. If you need anything, let me know. 

Hobi [6:53am]: we’ll see seokjinnie again love. and if u miss him a lot then we can make sure you see him. im sure he’ll be missing u too

How you were able to win the friend lottery and meet these people, you had no clue. But you weren’t going to ever question the fact. All you would do was embrace your blessings and love them. 

The car ride to the airport was long, but still much too short for your liking. Between the loving gazes you directed at Seokjin as he sang along to Taehyung’s music, the looks full of mirth Jimin gave the both of you from the backseat, and the laughter of both Rin and Taehyung, you were the happiest you’ve felt in a very long time. 

Throughout the ride, you got the feeling that you were going to be okay. Seokjin was starting an insane adventure, but you were also going to be there every step of the way. Not just on the polaroid he decided to stash in his bag, but in his heart and on his mind like Namjoon said around the fire. 

There were still plenty of ways to see each other and communicate. And since he technically didn’t start until next summer, that gave you plenty of time to see him before then. The many possibilities made you question your hesitation in the first place. 

But none of that diminished how much of a struggle it was still going to be. 

When the car rolled to a stop in the airport parking lot, your chest constricted. When everyone got their bags out of the cars and started the trek to the shuttles, your hands shook on your straps. As soon as everyone started saying their byes and separating to check into their airlines, you found it hard to breathe. 

But a tender hand brushed through your hair, and plush lips connected with your forehead. In an instant, you felt okay again. 

Seokjin’s calm voice slipped over your features. “Your flight leaves in two hours, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “Okay. Come shop with me before I have to go to my gate!” 

You tried your best to keep a positive attitude while you watched Jin peruse different airport stores. When he would hold stuff up for you to approve, you would smile or dramatically turn things down. Even the cute neck pillow he really wanted got the dreaded rejection. 

But that was only so you could pay for it when he wasn’t looking and surprise him. The huge laugh and grin you got in return was worth the trouble. 

When it was time for Seokjin to head to his gate, you brought him in for a crushing hug. “Let me know when you land,” you demanded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said through a smile. 

“‘Honey,’ now?” You regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “You have so many nicknames for me. I can’t keep up. Do you have a favorite you could stick with?” 

Seokjin rested his chin on your head. “Ah, I have a favorite. But it’s not true yet, so I shouldn’t use it.” 

A fire ignited in your heart, the flames warming you from the inside. “And which one is that?” 

“Would you look at the time!” Jin’s body heat left you in a rush as he stepped away, and your instinctual pout made him laugh outright. He cupped your chin for a kiss that rocked your whole being before pulling away. His eyes held galaxies in them when he stared into yours. “Guess you’ll have to wait for the answer to that one.” 

“You’re a jerk, Jinnie,” you huffed, but you kissed him again. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

“I really am. And I love you,” he responded. His hand came down to squeeze yours before he had to part. “I’ll let you know when I make it. Call me when you get home, okay?” 

“Okay,” you replied, and you watched his long strides with a heavy heart and a hopeful mind. 

As you told yourself again and again, you were going to be okay. It was going to be tough, it was going to be absolutely painful. But as long as you decided to keep loving each other, everything would work out. 

You knew better than anyone that love was a choice. And for Seokjin, you would choose it a thousand times over. 

And besides, the current state of technology was on your side. The possibilities of communication were too endless for you to dwell on the distance. Were there going to be days in which you only received one text? Most likely. Were there going to be weeks where you weren’t going to hear much from Seokjin at all? Definitely. But this time, unlike last time, you welcomed every bit of it. Your heart built a bridge to his that defied any sense of physical distance. On opposite sides, both of you were achieving success in your own ways. In the end, you would always come back to each other to celebrate together. Even though this was the last November trip you had with Seokjin, it was the beginning of many, many wonderful years to come.

It was later, while you were waiting for your own flight to finish boarding, that a message was sent to your phone. 

Jinnie [12:04pm]: Attachment: 1 Image

You couldn’t help but grin. As you gazed lovingly at the picture of Seokjin smiling next to your polaroid, another one came in before you could respond.

Jinnie [12:05pm]: Until you’re really next to me, this will have to do. Don’t get too jealous! 

You laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes while setting the image as your wallpaper. Locking your phone, you tapped the glass to see your screen light up, observing the picture again.

On a plane heading to another city entirely, Seokjin was doing the exact same thing. Except in his case, he was smiling down at a girl caught in mid-laughter, body aglow from the bright yellow lights of a spinning carousel behind her. 

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a/n: whewww so if you made it to the end, hi! i seriously enjoyed writing this and i learned so much. it’s my first fic and first huge one-shot, so if you have any comments/concerns/constructive feedback, please let me know! my ask box is always open, too. lastly, here is my m.list if you want to browse! 🌨🌨🌨 ++ feedback box (added nov. 25th, 2021): ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that aren’t okay with reblogging with a review, commenting on this, or sending a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a feedback dropbox :D ⇥ here!   ++ ⇥ masterlist 

[oneprompt]

Hi 💕 I'm so happy to see another op blog 🌻 can I request Zoro falling in love with an uncultured and oblivious reader? I mean like she didn't understand the world much because she's lived in her little island all her life and joined the strawhats. I thought it'd be curious to see a sweet girl taking our marimo's heart 🥺 Ty Ty Ty 💚

authors note : hello ! im more then happy to participate as a new blog <3 and i’d be thrilled to write such a thing ! the idea of reckless and somewhat ‘ mean ‘ characters x oblivious and kind is always very cute , a ton of fun. i just did headcanons + a small drabble , hope that’s okay.

Zoro x Oblivious/Naive! Reader Headcanons

• It was almost annoying how sweet you were, so harmless... at least to the naked eye. The day Zoro saw you in action for the first time was a sight he’d never forget. It was odd, almost. Even when you were fighting, whacking marines down one by one.. you still had that innocent expression on your face. Why were you so nice? And the way you apologized to the men you were beating down was even weirder. It didn’t match the rapid swing of the weapon that stayed in clutch of your hands. What sort of aspiring pirate has manners like that!? Usopp was kind, yes, same with Chopper but you were on a whole new level. It was cute but it also bothered Zoro, to a degree.

• With your background, you were bound to confuse things and make wrong assumptions. Wether the way you reacted to Franky’s appearance in Water Seven, not seeing anything wrong with his lack of clothing, or the way you would try and drink the cups of sake Zoro would forget about, mistaking it for water. It was cute, a lot of the crew found your mishaps and almost childish esque knowledge to be cute, Sanji and Robin especially. Zoro found it to be the cutest thing, he felt his heart squeeze everytime you giggled in embarrassment or turned red as Nami had to educate you on certain things.

• Yet, Zoro did his best to hide his interest in you. What did the worlds best future swordsman need some country bumpkin for? Plus, it’s not like Zoro was a huge romantic in the first place. Alas, it was impossible to keep under wraps. The way you freely clung to your crew members, or even giving them small kisses on their cheeks, that prevented Zoro from being capable of hiding how flustered he’d get.

• At first, he assumed you were some sort of moron, having no problem with being touchy with people. But no! Apparently, it was a regular thing to do in your village, something strictly platonic. Zoro was both relieved but also disappointed. He was relieved due to how close you were with Sanji but he was a tad grumpy that your small pieces of affection didn’t mean anything.

• Zoro would eventually make an attempt to confess or at least suggest such feelings, mainly at the force of Nami and Usopp. He tried numerous times with the help of the pair, only to have you giggle and reply with a care free smile.

• Now, no way you were this stupid! You were twenty for christ’s sake... how could someone of that age, regardless of surroundings be oblivious to a deceleration of love?

• Even if your oblivious nature annoyed him to the core, he would do his best to keep such a clean mind for you. He’d scold Brook if he asked for your panties, and would certainly beat Sanji if he tried anything weird with you.

• The day you actually confess, Zoro won’t believe you. He’ll assume you just mean your heart yearns for him in a platonic way, in the most harsh jab of platonic kinship.

• When you two actually start going out, Zoro is left in crippling debt to the navigator. Nami definitely had to sit you down and explain in depth about how Zoro viewed you, about what he meant everything he said he ‘liked’ you. Zoro is more then grateful to have you as his s/o now but now his pockets ache with severe emptiness.

Zoro x Oblivious/Naive! Reader Oneshot

Zoro had finally finished working out for the evening, his muscles aching with fatigue. He was heading to the Sunny’s garden to fetch some tangerines out of the garden. Fruit was always refreshing, especially after a hard workout.

As he opened the gyms door, he spotted you. Zoro couldn’t help but feel his cheeks prickle with a pink colour, embracing the sight of you watering the flowers you and Robin had grown together. You looked so cute, so joyous. The way your eyes could light up so much over a mere flower bed made no sense to Zoro. Yet, he loved it. He loved the faces you made when you were happy, your round eyes curling upward and shut as you laughed.

Sadly, for Zoro, his moment of admiring you would be cut short by the two biggest perverts on the Sunny. Is there even a moment in the day where they take a break off such a repulsive hobby?

“Y/n-san, can i see your underpants?” Brook asked, as casual as ever. Him and Sanji were oogling at the sight of your legs. The question visibly confused you as you raised your brows, mouth dipping into a small o.

“Why, what for?” You asked, looking up at the two men as you let the watering can rest at your feet. You had often seen Nami beat the two up over this question, and even Robin didn’t hesitate to glare at the two, causing a sudden cold chill to fill the area. Were you not supposed to? There wasn’t a huge deal with clothes, right? Nami always walked around in her bikini tops and Franky only ever wore his speedo.. It was okay, wasn’t it? Was it a representation of eternal friendship, you wondered. If so then why would Nami...-

“It represents a never ending love, Y/n-swan!” Sanji followed Brook’s statement with. He felt guilty for lying to you but was it truly a lie? You were only supposed to show your under clothing to the people you love!

An excited smile replaced your puzzled expression. “Really?” You stood up, “Is that why Franky shows his? Because he loves us?”

Brook and Sanji just nodded with overjoyed looks on their faces. Finally! They had a crew member who would do such a thing for them...

The soft expressions were immediately wiped away at the hands of Zoro. Zoro had kicked Brook’s head square off his shoulders, delivering his elbow to Sanji’s side in one swift move.

“Oi! Leave Y/n outta your perverted crap!” Zoro barked, crossing his arms as he snarled at the blonde and the skeleton. “Ya best leave them alone, unless you want Nami to find out.”

You couldn’t help but feel confused from the complicated scenario that unraveled before your eyes. Why was Zoro so furious? Why would Nami be upset over that, too?

“Thanks, Zoro! I think...” You murmured, unsure what to say. Were you supposed to be angry that he hurt your other friends? Or did he do the right thing...? You had no clue!

Zoro blushed at the sight of you, the way you gave him the most genuine smile a person could muster made his heart jack hammer into his ribs. You really had no clue how you made him feel, did you?

“It’s fine.. it’s what you’re supposed to do for the people you....love, anyway.” Zoro muttered, earning loud gasps from the men that remained on the ground. Yet, all your reaction carried was a bright smile.

“Really? I’m going to go hit Usopp, then! Nami always does!” You beamed proudly, as if picking up on some ‘wonderful’ advice from Zoro.

All Zoro did was sigh. How long would it take until you noticed him, until you noticed what he meant?

What a moron.

[flameraven]

Misc Thoughts on Pokemon Scarlet/Violet

-The opening was definitely slower than I'd like, I was a little bored, but once you get let out to explore the world it's really fun! Very similar to Legends: Arceus but much improved. Key detail: you can pick up items while mounted! This was really annoying to not be able to do in PLA.

-I've been pretty lucky and not run into any major glitches. Sometimes the background is a little wobbly but the overworld has run okay. I definitely noticed some major lag as the game tried to load each item when I was shopping. -The world is big and exciting but still feels awfully empty. The towns have these huge wide streets and giant houses, but there's not really anything to do in them. You can't even go inside NPCs houses, there's only the shops -I feel like they split up the clothing shops in the main city to make it seem bigger and more full, but it just made shopping inconvenient. What's the point of a giant castle/city if there's nothing THERE? -I'm still not thrilled with the school uniform but it's not as ugly as I feared. Still hoping that we get some real clothes post-game, or possibly as a DLC option. (Why does the new kid get to wear her Eevee hoodie and I can't??) -that school is definitely not ADA compliant, wtf are all those stairs -I'm enjoying riding around on my giant motorcycle dragon a lot more than I thought, and Koraidon running with his legs looks a lot less stupid than it did in the trailers (he tucks his tail in to make the back "wheel"! What a cool detail!). Cannot wait to climb up walls. -Your dragon making a catlike "Brrrp!" noise when you summon it is perfect, A+, 11/10 -I do find the map a bit hard to navigate, it can be hard to find the bridges to cross rivers and such and figure out how to get to different areas. -I really really wish we could mark places on the map like BotW! I found a cool glowy sword in the ground I couldn't reach, and I know I won't remember where it is later. -The variety of pokemon available and how many new pokemon you can find are really cool. I do like that they didn't show most of the new mons because it makes them more fun to discover. I think there's also a good balance of Pokemon spread out in the grass, sometimes they clump up, sometimes they're single, but it's not obvious "sections" the way SwSh Wild Areas were. -I love that the game is like 'BTW the crater is SUPER DANGEROUS, don't go there!!' so we all know where the plot is going to end up. Spoilers on Pokemon/Evolutions below:

-I got spoiled on the starter evos and... yeah honestly not a fan of the final forms. Giant spooky crocodile is okay but not as cool as the idea I had in my head, Grass Cat is just kind of boring and similar to Delphox, and Quaxly is just... WTF. I heard "fabulous" and "peacock" before I saw the images, and I think an actual peacock would have been cool, but instead we got... that. D: Nintendo, please stop with the anthro starter evos, they're not good. -Paldean Tentacool is a horror show, I hate it. X) -Pawmi is ADORABLE, I love him. Although the 2nd and 3rd evolutions are awfully similar, seems like it could have just been a 2-stage pokemon. There are SO MANY new pokemon I want to try out, though, I keep switching things in and out of my team, it's really fun. So far my team is: Clodsire, Azumarill, middle stage Fuecoco, Pawmot(? the third one), the tiny fire megaman, and the Flamingo, which is WAY stronger than I expected. Bulbapedia says it has a base attack of 115?! That's huge! Also working on evolving the little floaty psychic thing because apparently it becomes an ostrich?! There are a lot of new bird pokemon in this game, I approve. May need to do another run someday with an all-bird team.