#so if you want to add on to this post with stucky I won’t care

[mikeluciraphgabe]

I don’t think, as a fandom, we talk about Bucky and Steve fighting in one of the most gruesome and fucked up wars the modern world has seen enough (ontop of being raised by fathers who fought in the one before it)

While yes, they deserve and should be written as characters with PTSD because of what they do on the avengers/as the winter soldier/being placed in a whole new world without a say

We should also be writing them as characters who have fought in WWII and seen some fucking shit (Omaha beach, the bombs in Japan, people who where imprisoned at the concentration camp, their friends dying right next to them, helping out in the trenches, watching people loose a leg or arm, etc etc)

Ontop of this, bucky (in the comics and I think one of the cartoons) joined the army when he was like 17/18 years old. A fucking kid.

We should write more PTSD scenes of the two having flashbacks relating to WWII and not only the things I mentioned before

Steve is screaming and crying on the floor because Tony grabbed his arm from behind and- Buck is a fucking child and he’s stuck in the building, let go of me Sargent - let me go get my little brother before it blows and Tony is shushing him with “it’s okay hon, it’s just me”

Bucky is holding a gun up to his husband’s face because, just for a second, Sam (with a Halloween mask) looked like a gasser that killed a guy who pushed Bucky out of a window before said gas exploded on that floor and the guy died

More scenes of PTSD Bucky and Steve that goes to WWII

[howdoyousleep3]

Hello and Happy Friday! Let us consider:

Three-Day Weekend Daddy.

This started as a harmless and specific Headcannon that turned into a pairing and version of Steve that I...well I just can’t stop fucking thinking about. This has always been my favorite gif of Evans and I am downright tickled that this has morphed into something that will never leave my mind.

This is definitely Stucky (I know my other HCs haven’t been) and definitely the longest Headcannon I’ve ever posted so as per usual, I advise you to buckle up. :)

This Steve actually is a little bit of a rich Daddy but it’s new money, like he sold his start up or something, was self-taught on the skills he used to build his own company up from the ground

He likes to work with his hands, doesn’t want to change anything he’s been doing all along simply because he has the money now

Mows his own lawn, tampers with his motorcycle and car, attempts to fix household problems before calling in an expert

Is intelligent, a quick-learner, a universal natural talent

Could not put a number on the amount of trucker hats he owns

Never takes himself too seriously

Owns a boat

Is extremely tan in the summertime, never wears a shirt, waves at everyone when they’re on the lake

Likes to take care of his body but does not believe in cardio, has a tiniest bit of a soft lower belly that he complains about, but loves beer too much to do anything about it

Bucky fucking gags for it, kisses at his belly--wet, open-mouth, sloppy as all hell--on his way down for a suck job 

Speaking of Daddy’s lil’ bunny...

Bucky comes from a background with a slightly higher place in society than Steve did (which Bucky isn’t particularly a fan of and probably why it was easier to fall for Steve) and so sometimes he ends up teaching Steve little things

The first time Steve meets Bucky’s parents at a nice dinner place Bucky has to kind of whisper to Steve under his breath about which spoon to use and where his water glass goes 

Takes Bucky to dates at expensive seafood places and also Waffle House

Bucky jokes about taking ballroom dancing lessons and Steve fucking makes that happen, looks like a fucking fool trying to follow Bucky’s natural grace but he’s smiling like he won the lottery the whole damn time

Wakes up hard damn near every morning, nibbles on Bucky’s shoulder, his ear, “can’t help it, darlin’, not when I wake up with my dick nestled between these sweet cheeks, goddamn”

They stumbled upon the appeal of the Daddy Kink by complete accident

“Look at you: mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, working on your bike, marinating steaks-- you somebody's Daddy or somethin’?” Bucky jokes one day but it results in Steve pressing Bucky in tight against the counter, whispering in his ear, “You wan’me to be your Daddy, baby? I’ll be your Daddy, darlin’...”

And then Bucky is just so fucking knocked off his feet by the never-ending onslaught of his own arousal that ‘Daddy’ is actually the only word he can form when Steve puts him chest-down on the kitchen counter and fucks his ass so hard the cabinet doors won’t stay closed

This Daddy lives for three-day weekends where he can spend time outside and invite people over...

Bucky feels like a little housewife when he brings Steve a glass of water (“it’s hot, you need to stay hydrated. You can’t always drink beer, punk”) or beer or lunch and Steve squeezes at his hips or his ass, kisses him sloppy on the cheek, “Look at’chu, thank you, honey...”

It’s a really hot fuckin’ day and Steve is definitely overdue for a haircut, but Bucky just can’t stop staring at the little droplets of sweat that collect at the tail of each tendril of Steve’s hair where it sticks out from under his hat to lay against Steve’s neck

Wears swim trunks that hit well above his knees and makes Bucky wanna lick the inside of his thighs, a length that isn’t as masculine as you might expect on Steve “where’s the grill brush” rogers, but it somehow adds to all that virility seeping out through Steve’s pores

Asks, “What is this song? Who sings this?” to every other song on Bucky’s playlist

Turns his hat around backwards at one point and it’s how Bucky knows he’s a little tipsy, a little loose

Bucky has to tell him to put on a shirt when he goes to grill but Steve is a stubborn sonofabitch and Bucky doesn’t fight too hard because Daddy looks good in front of that grill, beer in one hand, tongs in the other, broad and glistening all over

Steve is always asking what kind of beer Bucky is drinking and asking him if he likes the taste of that one, the hops in this one, offering suggestions on what he might try next, not because Steve is a beer snob but because he just wants to keep tabs on what Bucky likes to drink so he can buy more next time and just because he thinks it’s interesting to know his baby’s thoughts on that kind of stuff

Jokes about a hot dog eating contest with a wink thrown Bucky’s way

Wrestles and tosses Bucky into the pool, jumps in anyway after Bucky pouts, “Goddamnit, Bucky…”, yanks his shirt over his head, dives in

Sneaks hot and heavy kisses against the side of the house like a couple’a teenagers

Fucks like an animal after spending the day being handsy and teasing and looking at Bucky in his swim trunks, strutting around the yard in front of all their fucking friends, and maybe some other Daddy might get jealous ‘cause‘a that but it only makes Steve grin like a damn wolf who’s just put eyes on tonight’s dinner...

Bucky has never wanted Steve’s cock in his mouth more, sucks him off right there on the kitchen floor when everyone leaves, Steve’s trunks barely pulled down his thighs enough, “Fuck, baby, you spent all day thinkin’ about havin’ Daddy’s dick to suck on?”

“Do that thing with your tongue again, that thing from last -- yeah, fuck that’s nice” and “Come on, honey suck on Daddy’s balls, there ya go. Fuck…”

A lot of grinding and pushing and pressing, this Daddy a handsy motherfucker, picks up Bucky right from the floor, hands under Bucky’s armpits, under his ass, carries him up the stairs

Does a lot of “every man” physical labor in the yard, moving furniture etc., and his body isn’t just a machine that he’s gotta work on like his bike, but more like a house that he lives in and knows every detail

Which means that Steve knows his own strength -- even after three or four beers -- and doesn’t actually have to try and be careful with Bucky when he’s tossin’ him around

He’s carefree and confident enough that he trusts his own touch, and it makes everything more passionate and intense for Bucky because if Steve wants to grind on him or squeeze on him or love on him with all of his muscle and bone then he’s just gonna do that, gonna do whatever feels good

Steve wants Bucky on top when they finally get to the bed, wants to feel him all over, run his hands up those thighs, wants to bite at those pretty nipples

Both smell like chlorine and sunscreen, Steve’s beard smells like grill smoke

Stops halfway to orgasm and tells Bucky to turn around, to be Daddy’s little reverse cowgirl so he can spread his cheeks and smush ‘em together and watch the way his slicked-up cock disappears inside

Eyes half-lidded, smirk tugging at his lips slightly, super vocal

Likes to egg Bucky on, encourages him to take what he wants, but also knows Bucky well and knows when he’s about to come and uses that to his advantage, knows Bucky won’t want to come but know what he loves to hear that pushes him over the edge

Has such a mastery of control over his own body that he can bring Bucky over that precipice even when he’s on his back just by pistoning his hips up in just the right way

Prefers to be the one in control when he comes, loves to roll and fuck the both of them into their climax, a groaner, a biter

Sleeps in a little later, morning snuggles galore, goes out to get breakfast, Steve wakes up first and makes sure that Bucky has a fresh bottle of water on his nightstand, it was hot out yesterday...

Eeeee, who else would do bad bad things for this Daddy? 👋

Love you bunches! 😘😘😘

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

A few comments on the ending of Baghdad Waltz (and story craft in general, I guess)

Perhaps it goes without saying, but SPOILERS ahead. I’ll be posting answers to asks on BW later today as well. 

A few readers, some of them very faithful long-haul readers, are understandably upset that BW did not end the way that I originally predicted - and intended - that it would.

In an Ao3 comment thread on the subject of my previously advertising a happy ending for BW (i.e., an ending where the characters end up together), an anon on Ao3 recently posted this:

First of all, if I had that kind of super long game strategic foresight to cook up and nurture this kind of devious bait-and-switch plan over the course of several years, I would have used that power for good to have every scene and every convolution of character fully developed from the very start. And although this slow burn “bait-and-switch” hypothesis is a perversely flattering one, I’m really not that clever. Or that mean-spirited. I came into this story with an idea of where I wanted it to go and sprinted off the starting blocks with it. This is most certainly “shame on me,” in hindsight, and a product of under-developed skill in story planning and character construction.

I’m not a professional writer by any stretch of imagination. This is a hobby (albeit an obsessive one) that I am constantly working to improve my abilities in. I started writing fanfic because I figured Ao3 is a pretty safe (??) place to do this, since people post works of fiction with wide ranging degrees of skill in an immense marketplace of readers. But I have zero formal training in fiction writing. I grudgingly took my two mandatory English classes in college and then fucked off to do other things I enjoyed more. So that means that I’ve had to learn fiction writing through trial and error in real time. BW is the second work of fiction I’ve written in my adult life (and I am not particularly young, at the moment). And so part of writing this has been learning about outlining and plotting and character development and yes, endings. Not learning to write the best “gotcha” ending but the best ending for the story that’s been written.

Upon deep reflection, I think my greatest fault here was one of skill, not a deficit in character as a human being. When I started planning this story in 2016, I did not have a well-evolved ability to develop my characters to the level that would later be required, nor to predict and plan for every twist of the plot based on the psychological, historical, and behavioral composition of these characters. My first fic, which was also my first novel-length work of fiction ever, went quite smoothly and almost entirely as originally planned, perhaps because it was canon-compliant/adjacent versus being a free-standing AU with no rules or bounds.

So, on one hand, I really am sorry for just not having the necessary skills at the time to wrangle a story of this magnitude from the start (not that I had any sense at all that it would grow to this magnitude). But also... this is just part of the process of learning how to write. In addition, I was simultaneously learning how to navigate the sometimes treacherous culture of fandom, which I was not expecting to be the challenge that it has been. Thus, I didn’t have the foresight to be protective of the possibility that my originally intended ending could change, resulting in assurances to readers in a good faith effort to assuage anxiety about the ultimate course of the story. (It’s also a notable failure of imagination on my part to not potentially envision an ending that breaks from a traditional Stucky “End of the Line” mould.)

On a similar note, when I say that I love and care about my readers, this is not lip service. It is sincerity. I have engaged in this entire endeavor with honest intentions every step of the way. I’m not a devious mastermind who orchestrates the emotional disruption of my readers for fun, particularly not through acts of deceit. I think I’m capable of creating emotionally powerful work without resorting to trickery. 

But I also approach my characters with the same sincerity and intent to do right by them, using a steadfast dedication to realism as my guide. This lead to a frankly horrible realization that the ending I first planned and wanted so badly for them was just not going to be plausible, given who they became and how this relationship evolved. If you’re not a writer, especially not a writer of the extreme long form WIP, maybe it’s difficult to appreciate how characters can take on a life of their own in their psychological construction and development, but this has been exactly my experience. That’s why, for a very long time, I had no idea that this particular ending would be where the story would ultimately go, despite my most sincere efforts at planning with the capabilities I had in each moment.

My compromise for these archival comments mentioning a traditional Stucky happy ending has been to add a note at the beginning warnings of BW to not invest too strongly in plot-related comments, since going back through 3,200+ comments (plus blog posts) and editing them is not only impossible (I actually cannot edit some of my old Ao3 comments, for some reason) but would also require erasing reader comments and entire conversations with people. This doesn’t feel right to me. And I’m not going to add spoiler ending tags. I personally won’t read a fic if the ending is tagged, because I don’t want to be spoiled, and I want to preserve this for other readers in the future.

I am opting to trust from here forward that my comprehensive first chapter warnings about intense realism in all respects (including relational) will be broad enough to cover the potential for this ending, which is also amply foreshadowed as a possibility within the text itself. If future readers specifically want a HEA in their stories, I trust them to seek out the countless fics like this within the “HEA” or “___ with a happy ending” tags on Ao3. 

EDIT: I’ve added the tag “Bittersweet ending,” in addition to creating some more expectation-adjusting language to my chapter one warnings about the story. I think this is a decent compromise to spoiling the ending specifically with something like a “breakup” tag.

So for those of you I hurt by not having a greater grasp of writing craft, I truly am sorry. My intention was never for one moment to be deceptive. I have taken these lessons to heart in the planning of my next story, which has almost every single scene already plotted until the very end. In fact, I’ve written backwards from the ending to ensure a smoother course. I have also done a tremendous amount of work on character development at the outset in an effort not have my characters run away from me and drag the story with them in unplanned ways.

Unfortunately, I can’t change what has already happened; I can only do my best to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. To those of you who have forgiven my immaturity as a writer and accepted where this living, breathing WIP ultimately ended up, I’m extremely grateful for your flexibility.

[brooklynboysficrecs]

Ongoing Recs: 2012 Timeline Stucky

So. This isn’t quite like my Top 10 fic rec lists, mostly because I don’t have ten fics to rec for this particular trope. Genre? AU, that works. I’m not even sure there’s ten total fics on A03, though they could be using a tag I’m not aware of. That being the case, I’m leaving this open for me to come back and edit it to add more fics -- there’s a couple I haven’t had the chance read yet, one that’s a WIP, and there may be more that come out in the future. There’s a few Big Bangs happening, I think, or something like them, and I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two of the fics in that go for this AU. Anyway! I absolutely love this AU and would adore seeing more of them, so that’s a hint to any writers out there, and also one to any readers who know of a fic I’ve missed! Also, I’m planning on making a separate post for general Endgame fix-it fics, because I think this falls into a different category, but hey, if you disagree let me know!

Act of Sage by hotelmichelle. Oof. Just. That’s kinda my gut reaction to this story, in a good way, if that makes any sense. It’s on the same level as all the fics that came out post-WS and dug deep in what happened to Bucky, the process he’d have to go through in order to climb out of the hole Hydra dragged him into, but it’s cathartic, I think, if you’re able to handle the themes the story deals with. It’s honestly kinder to EG!Steve than he maybe deserves, given that it implies that Steve went out of his way to inform his younger self of what he meant by Bucky is alive, and that it wasn’t just a diversion tactic on his part, that he really wanted to help the Bucky of this timeline and save him from an additional two years of hell. No idea what that means for when he went back to the past, but that’s not the point of this story so I won’t get into it here. There’s no quick fix for Bucky once Steve does find him, and there’s no moment of recognition like we get in WS, not initially, but personally, as much as it hurts to watch Bucky treat Steve like a handler and a perfect stranger besides, it’s... realistic. That’s what this fic is, ultimately, I think -- based on both the MCU’s established canon and real-life, this fic is fairly realistic about what Steve and Bucky would have to go through to find their way back to each other. This is definitely a heed the tags fic, though, so be careful with yourselves if you’re interested in reading it. That said, I absolutely loved this fic, and there’s plans for a sequel which I’m very very excited about!!

a road less traveled by Claudia_files, cyclamental art, maichan, zilia. Okay, this is by far one of the more light-hearted of the fics I’ve read so far, though it does deal with some of the same mature themes as Act of Sage. If you hate Brock Rumlow and wish either Steve or Sam had gotten a chance to fuck him up a little more, read this. Also! If you love Loki and his mischievous ways, read this. Steve and Bucky are very very sweet with each other in this, very tender, and the Avengers get a lot of screen time acting as the found family trope we were all so irritatingly denied. Steve and Bucky are also tremendous idiots in this, the both of them, so they get my favorite Dumbasses to Lovers tag in this one. Oh, and there’s art in this! Gorgeous art, and there’s one in particular... well. I hate Brock Rumlow with every bit of my heart, so trust me when I say that it’s a delightful image to accompany that particular chapter. Hm, there’s one other draw for this but it’s way, way too spoiler-y for me to point it out directly, so let me just say the very end of this story features a lovely fuck you to Endgame Steve that I thoroughly enjoyed. I feel no sympathy for that man, and he’s only redeemed in fix-it fics, in my humble opinion. God, anyway, heed the tags again for this one, but I very much recommend it -- I loved every single chapter!

[avengerscompound]

Redoing my Taglist (again)...

If you want to be tagged in my fics, please read under the cut:

The why of it:

Like many writers and creators on Tumblr, I've been experiencing a lack of interaction on this site.  While I understand the engagement on the site, in general, is changing and has been since the great porn ban.  I have also been noticing a drift away from the fandom in general.

Knowing this doesn't change the fact it is discouraging.  It is changing how I personally want to create content.  In the past, I would be encouraged to write more for you.  I would write more requests.  I’d answer asks for headcanons.  Write more neglected characters and rare-pairs.  I'd make sure I'd have a W|W fic every week.  I'd write things that maybe weren't exactly to my taste but I knew it would be well received.

The lack of engagement has changed how I feel about that.  I have already stopped taking requests.  Where I was signing up for a lot of challenges I'm now not.  I’m now going to be writing for me.  I'll still write the looked over characters and rare-pairs and W|W but when I have a story I want to tell.  There will be fewer one-shots and more series.

So what does that mean?

I recently redid my taglist because I felt like I was tagging a bunch of people who didn't want to be tagged.  While the number of people did drop on it; it wasn't nearly as much as I expected given the lack of engagement, and since I did it that engagement has dropped even more.  I have fics I post right now that are getting fewer notes than the number of people I tag and that includes the reblogs I personally make.

The only conclusion I can make is I'm writing things you don't want to read.  Which is fine.  I'm generally enjoying the content I'm making these days.  But tagging people in it who don't want to be tagged is a waste of both my time and yours.  Tagging is annoying and time-consuming and I don't want to be doing it unless the people actually genuinely want me to do it.

I've been wracking my brain lately trying to work out what to do about it.  I considered being like many other writers here who just stopped tagging all together but I honestly don't want to be that person.  I know personally if I don't get tagged by the authors I love I often miss the fic completely, even if they do have a side blog for their writing.  I considered having an I'm only tagging if you comment rule.  But a) that's more time consuming than just tagging you and forgetting about it.  And b) I don’t want to be the person who threatens you to love me.  I am fine with tagging people who don't interact if they genuinely want me to and are reading even if they don't comment.

Then I had an idea.  Because I'm going to be focusing more on story arcs over one-shots I'm going to change my whole system of tagging.  I am getting rid of all the sections.  There will now be PERMANENT and SERIES TITLES.  That's it.  If you go on my permanent tag list you will get tagged in every one-shot I write plus the first chapter of any series I start.  Yes, this will mean if you only like reading Steve you're gonna get tagged in stuff you don't want but it won't happen often and honestly the difference between my everything list and the people on my other lists is insignificant anyway.  After the first chapter of a series, you will have to tell me if you wish to continue being tagged in the series.  I don't care how you tell me.  Send an ask.  DM me. Comment on the fic.  Go to the doc and add yourself in.  If you don't tell me I won't continue tagging you.  That way no one's time is wasted.  You can still keep getting tagged in the content you want.  I don't have to spend ages tagging people in things they have no interest in.

What to do. READ CAREFULLY:

Add your name to the permanent list and/or the series you wish to be tagged in.  If you aren't on the series list you won't be tagged in it.  LINK HERE: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uoXUNd74dtap11CuDDsQWVBc-Ur_I5H17588yyl-PKk/edit?usp=sharing

When you are tagged in the first chapter of a series ignore it if you have no interest.  If you do want to read it contact me or add yourself to the list for that fic.  If you don't you will no longer be tagged in the fic. (I'll put a Reminder when I tag you)

Remember I do have a side blog where I reblog all my fics. @avengerslibrary​.  If this system doesn't work for you for whatever reason just follow that and turn on notifications.

Currently, the tag list looks like this.  If you can't get into the doc now send me an ask or DM (COMMENTS WILL BE IGNORED AS I LOSE THEM IN THE NOISE OF THE BLOG) with what you want to be tagged in:

Permanent:

The Tower (a long-running fic written with @fanficwriter013 about an OC named Elly in a polyamorous relationship with all the Avengers):

Bartoned (Clint Barton X Reader fic about a reader who gets pregnant to Clint on a one night stand and how they go from lovers - to friends - to parents, to being married when neither is really the relationship type):

The remainder of my Bruce Banner bingo fics (there aren't many left, most will be Bruce/Reader.  Some not):

Running to a Standstill (Stucky X Reader fic about a single mother trying to keep her enhanced child safe from an organization hunting them and a couple of supersoldiers who are determined to protect her):

The Hamptons House (Tony Stark X Reader fic about Tony and a reader meeting at Tony’s 18th birthday party and spending the week together.  They then agree to meet once every three years to relive the feeling they got from their first encounter):

What not to do:

Don't add yourself if you don't actually want to read the fics.

Don't ask to be added via a comment on this post (asks and DMS only or preferably if you can go to the doc and add yourself in)

Don't add yourself in without reading what to do ( @mumbles411 I'm looking at you)

Don't add yourself because you consider me your friend and you think if you don't I'll be offended when you actually have no intention to read things or you think you might maybe read one or two but then you never actually do.  I promise I still like you.  My liking you has nothing to do with whether or not you read my fics. 

Don't add yourself if you've changed fandom and you think maybe one day you might come back to this fandom and read stuff.  Add yourself when you are reading things or go follow my side blog @avengerslibrary​.  Also, I have a Masterlist you can look over anytime you’re feeling nostalgic.

I will switch over to the new list on the 1st of May

[yanderetua]

Stucky X Reader

Req by: @marvel-fics3000

Read prompt 3, smt prompt 14, virg read, escape, punnish, imagine, dub-con

You miss your things

Your bed

Your clothes

Your soap

Now that you’re here it’s all theirs

Their bed

Their clothes

Their soap

You know they love you, They show it often, with soft touches here and there. Picking fuzz off one of their jackets that you would bundle yourself up in. Sometimes they would go further and kiss your head or press their hands against your arm. Despite the situation you still feel safe. They protect you, though they take it quite far, they haven’t let you leave the house since you got here, two and a half years. But to make up for it they made an indoor greenhouse, made of thick wire screening and glass as thick as your fist. You could feel the sun, smell the plants. It was good, but not the same. 

You stand in the greenhouse staring at the ceiling. Bucky and Steve check on you occasionally, slowly becoming more and more worried as you stand there hour after hour.

“Doll?” you barely shift your attention away from the glass dome above you “What’re you lookin at?” Bucky gently rests his hand on your shoulder “There’s a bird.” you whisper “I want to be a bird.” he steps in front of you, trying to shake you from this strange daze “Why’s that doll?” you finally look away, eyes cloudy, not fully focused “Could be free.” you mumble, turning and walking out of the room, leaving a heartbroken Bucky behind.

The next day you act like nothing happened, back to your bubbly and happy self, darting around the kitchen baking a batch of brownie cookies. Bucky had told Steve about the whole ordeal so they both follow you around for the day to keep an eye on you.

It takes a week before you slip into the daze again, this time you stand in front of the kitchen window while clutching a whisk “What do you see this time honeybun?” Steve asks, trying to stay calm. You don’t respond until he steps closer “A rabbit.” he nods silently “He has a friend, they’re playing tag.” Steve follows your gaze, scanning the empty yard “Alright, why are you watching them? You can just watch Discovery Channel.” you nod “Yeah, I’ll do that.” you turn from the window and shuffle towards the couch, staring at the blank screen.

The boy’s worry only skyrockets as you start to slip into the strange daze almost daily. They discuss a solution and the only thing that seems likely to work would be letting you go outside. So they do, on a good day, when you’re fully coherent they open the back door and lead you outside. You sob, collapsing on you knee’s and raking your fingers through the freshly mown grass. Steve has to leave, his heart shattering at the sight. Bucky leaves soon after, watching you closely from the kitchen. Until Steve walks in, tears caking his cheeks “What did we do to her? We broke her.” He shudders and covers his face, Bucky sighs and steps away from the window to hug the emotional man in front of him “It’s okay darling, We’ll fix this.” A gentle kiss is pressed against Steve’s cheek and they share watery smiles “Let’s go bring her in for supper.” Steve says and wipes his face. They turn to the window, trying to catch sight of you.

Fear breaks through your haze and you turn in a circle, trees tower over you, trapping you in a bark prison. The fear fades as you immediately slip back into a disoriented mindset, swaying back and forth slowly.

It takes the boys four hours to find you, by then the sun had long set, causing the temperature to drop and your lips to turn blue. Steve sees you first, screaming your name and running towards you, Shaking you gently to try and get you to snap out of it. You don’t. Bucky has to pick you up and sling you across his shoulder and run home. They strip you down and wrap you in a heated blanket while Steve strips down to his boxers, The serum making him run warmer than normal so he wraps his arms around you and drags another blanket over you both. They lay there for a half an hour before you move, eyes still cloudy as you drag your palm down his chest “Want you ‘n Buck.” Steve stills his heart pounding “Wh-what? Honeyb-” He inhales sharply as your hand slips below the waistband of his boxers. Bucky opens the bedroom door holding a space heater “Buck, Baby, Please help!” Steve jerks sharply as your hand wraps around his length “Stevie,” You mumble and snuggle closer “Want Buck too.” You nuzzle your face into Steve neck as you slide your hand up and down his length “Holy fuck, is she?” Bucky can’t finnish his sentence and Steve nods “Fuck!” his hips jerk as your thumb swipes his tip “Ya’know if we do this we’ll be closer, she won’t wanna leave, Right Steve? She’ll feel what we feel…” Bucky stares at the tiny girl in bed next to the blond man “But Buck, She’s all wonky, she can’t consent.” Bucky doesn’t acknowledge the blond’s words “Y/N? Kitten?” You tilt your head back and look up at him, lids half closed, eyes bleary and unfocused “Do you want me ‘n Stevie to make you feel good?” you nod slowly. He grins at Steve “See? She wants it,” Buckys eyes go wild, almost matching your unfocused gaze “She wants to be with us.” Bucky slides his shirt and pants off and crawls over the bed and settles on the other side of you “Can I touch you baby?” He whispers softly, the primal urge to finally claim you after all this time. You nod, a ditzy smile spreading across your face as Bucky’s hand trails across your body and sliding your underwear down your thighs “Gonna mark you up real pretty doll, make sure you know that your ours.” He slips a finger inside you, gently prodding at your opening as he lets out a husky moan “Fuck Stevie, our girl is soaked.” Steve gasps again as you whimper and tighten your grip on his cock “Want you inside.” Your words slur together when Bucky slides in another finger “Both of us?” You nod, eyelids fluttering closed “You sure you can handle that?” Steve asks softly, concerned. You grin and nod yet again “Gonna be real gentle.” he mumbles and eases a finger into your second hole causing you to jerk a bit “Relax doll, gonna take care of you, make you feel good.” your hand stills against Steves cock as Bucky adds another finger, trying to make it easier to enter you.

It only takes a few moments for you to loosen up enough for Bucky to feel comfortable sliding his cock inside you. “Stevie, You ready?” The brown haired male asks his second lover, the blond hesitates until you whine, needy and squirming “Please Stevie.” your head tips back as Bucky slowly slides in, Steve following suit. Your chest heaves, the fullness of having both of them inside you makes you tighten around them “Oh fuck!” Bucky yelps and immediately starts thrusting into you, making your back arch against Steve’s chest “Darling, holy…” Steve grips your waist, something snapping in him, something about being buried hilt deep inside you makes him go feral. Bucky grins, watching as Steve pounds into you, no hesitation or guilt in either of their minds. Moving in tandem, perfectly paced, as one slides in, the other out, making sure to keep at least one of them is sheathed inside of you. You fade in and out of consciousness as they rip orgasm after orgasm out of you. Steve lets out a throaty moan as he comes undone, filling you with his seed, Bucky dipping his head down to bite your throat and pumping you full as well. 

The next morning you slip out of their arms and rush to the bathroom, It wasn’t hard to figure out what happened, blood and semen caking your thighs. You vomit into the toilet, sobbing as you collapse in the shower, scrubbing your skin raw. “Doll?” you freeze, tears trickling down your face. He slides the curtain open, his eyes flickering across your body, fixating on the dried blood that you were trying to scrub off “Fuck.” He turns around, shouting for Steve. You continue grinding the loofa against your thigh, trying to ignore the angry, hushed whispers outside the bathroom.

“Darling?” Steve gently grabs your hand, ceasing your rough actions “It hurts.” you murmur, tears building up again “I’m so sorry.” Steve stares down at you “I didn’t know you were a virgin.” He whispers “But now, we’re connected,” He locks eyes with you, he looked unhinged, feral.

“Now you really belong to us baby.” He grins and presses a kiss to your forehead “And soon, you’ll get a swollen and you’ll never be able to leave,” You freeze “You’ll be such a good mother.” Bucky whispers from behind Steve, trance-like they slip into the tub with you, effectively trapping you between them. Forever.

I hope you liked it! I’m sorry it took so long to post lol!

Do not reblog without my consent. 

[honestlyfrance]

okay, for the fun meta ask list: 1, 4, and 16, please?

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

@anjali750 once sent me a sambucky art post and I just went "writing inspiration!!" but if you know me, I take so long writing from my writing inspo tag 😂 but anyways, I was having a tough time dealing with my mental health (that's why I haven't been much on) and I just got this idea from some self care vid on youtube; so the fic's gonna be about Sam's lazy day. I have a few paragraphs in but I'm stumped a bit. What I love about this is, you know, the person who sent me this 😂💓 and also just the idea of Sam taking care of himself because self care also the ending I made at the end.

I have a goal of writing this 100k stucky fic which is just purely from aesthetic. They're the only characters (probably) and someone should stop me from making this end up in death (but if you see my stucky posts in poetbucky, then there's death, ain't gonna be nice). I only got the opening line down because this is purely self indulgent and there's a huge possibility I won't finish/post this. What I love about this is that I'm fueled by spite to write this, it's amazing 😂 also, the fact that when I discovered this ship I told myself I'm not gonna write a fic but here I am.

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

You get a list:

We believe, but do we worship?

As a Catholic, I love this. That's it. That's- That's an ugly truth. I wrote this for my previous fandom and I claim I wrote this philosophical sentence every chance I got, it's even quoted in one of my tumblr pages. I just love this, just the naked truth.

War beated the joy out of young boys, young girls, young people, too desperate for basic needs the world was too cruel to offer freely, too harshly. War demanded hard people but instead, they killed the soft ones instead. It’s a truth you should hear, and it’s violent, and here’s the apology.

This is from the first WIP you see up there, like sorry anjali for the angst 😂 this is directly stemmed from a poem in my inspo collection but is also from just militarism as whole, sending in soldiers who have no choice but to join just because they need education or whatnot. I'm not the best source of the thing, but I know it makes me mad and it's just wrong. Don't worry, this paragraph gets resolved.

It’s not that Sam despised the idea of it, in fact, he breathes it in like cocaine, feeling the rush and instant fall of his senses, and maybe it’s not actually drugs to him but maybe something milder, like, a kiss, one that is so slow and soft that it makes him scream at the deprivation, making himself aware of how desperate he just was about touch, literally any sort of touch, but then again, it’s Sam we’re talking about; suppressed and no-nonsense, he couldn’t possibly want something so good like some cliche grand romantic gesture that is too cheesy for its own good, and maybe it’s for the best that he keeps quiet about this want because it’s not like he gets it every day. Fine, he does get it every day and it’s too much it’s hurting like a cavity to his heart.

This still stands as my favorite line I've ever wrote because I was trying to do a new writing style but evidently failed midway, but it's still so good!

“You look lost,” the other man spoke, bringing out a worn out gold cigarette case from his back pocket.

Sam watched him with steady eyes, his face blank of expression. “Perhaps, but no,” he watched as the other man methodically bring out a cigarette.

“Ah,” he murmured. “You have a lighter?”

Sam didn’t nod but he pulled out a cheap lighter from his inside pocket, bringing it closer to the other man’s cigarette which hung in his lips. The other man seemed excited with the way his eyebrows raised, and he came closer as Sam lit the cigarette. Sam seemed more relaxed now, pocketing his lighter as they both leaned against the wall, their shoulders touching. 

“Not my type of scene either,” the man shook his head, his face scrunching up to form a look of disgust and indifference.

The sambuckynat AU, one of the first few fics I did when I was new to the fandom. I have dialogue but it's purely self indulgent and is still in the works. I have the plot and conflict set down but I just don't touch the document this is in anymore so I don't write in it. I love this because, yeah, it's the actual first sambucky idea that I did.

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

The thing about my writing style is that I have like tens of those, I even named them. I don't know the names anymore though 😂 it depends which writing style fits best for the fic. I have non-ship fics that center with this outspoken writing style that speaks directly to the reader, kinda like Stephen King. What you guys see is not my latest and is actually what is most appropriate.

The last time I tried to change up a style was sweet as candies, cavities to the heart and that failed. It's just I have so much writing styles. Here's a snippet of one them during a tamer scene (the other scenes, it has cussing and just babbling that adds tension):

So, Stark didn't know. Shuri knew, of course she knew; she removed all of HYDRA control in Barnes brain, and saw glimpses of why HYDRA chose to cater to Barnes instead of any other successful experimentation that had on their hands—it may not be on the notes of HYDRA, but it was too obvious that it was almost too susceptible to abuse. Whatever Stark didn’t know immediately became Shuri’s itinerary for tonight; scratch their plans, Shuri knew what hacking she’d be doing tonight.

Shoulders squared and her chest puffed out, Shuri had the grace of a warrior as she eyed down the commotion Stark had stirred up; it looked like a desperate final act of redemption from her eyes, but she knew better to be open to perspective. The sense of desperation that Stark alone reeked of was almost pitiful, and to place that against Bucky Barnes— Ugh. Let’s just say that the sympathy anyone ever tried to reflect was simply appalling. 

Shuri moved her lips to say in Xhosa: “What must we do with him?”

“Leave it,” T’Challa replied in their native language, his eyes set hard on the swaying body of Tony Stark. The man was relishing in the successful mess he created, and the King didn’t know if he should be afraid or disgusted.

send multiple meta writer asks and help keep me busy!

[holylulusworld]

Heyyy, can I request a shot from your prompt list? Number 18,23 and 28? jensenxreader Pls❤

As I can only add one drabble here I will post the others seperated...

Done

3000 Follower Drabble Prompts

Prompt #28: “I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore.” “I‘m done.”

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, break-up, heartbreak

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word count: 704

  Waiting patiently for Jensen to return from filming to tell him the good news you check your outfit one last time.

You want to invite him to a fancy restaurant to celebrate but you are nervous too. He never wants anyone to see you with him, you never go out as he wants to keep your relationship ‘private’.

At first, you agreed. Uncertain your flirt can turn into something serious but it’s over a year by now and lately, you ask yourself if he ever will tell anyone about you and your relationship.

The front door finally opens, and you run toward Jensen. His expression is a bit pained, so you let go of him.

“Are you okay, Jay. Do you need anything?”

“No, it’s just Jared wants me to come around later to discuss the newest script,” Jensen mutters.

“Why don’t you invite him over? I mean I can cook something, or we can order pizza.”

“No, no…” Jensen stammers and you eye him suspiciously.

“You need to drive toward Jared’s place only to discuss a script?” You ask and you see Jensen thinking hard. He’s searching for an excuse once again.

“You see…there’s a party.” He finally admits.

“Where’s the problem? I’m already wearing a black dress and heels. Change into something else and we go to Jared’s party.”

“He only invited me…” Jensen trails off and your stomach drops.

“You still didn’t tell him about us? Not even your best friend? Why Jensen? We are a pair for over a year by now. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret any longer. Why can’t you tell at least your family and Jared?” You say raising your voice.

“It’s only a party, Y/N. Nothing special.”

“No, Jensen it’s not only one party. It’s your sister’s birthday, the celebration of the 300th episode, your birthday party - anything public or semi-public means you don’t want me around.”

“That’s not true!” Jensen talks back.

“Tell me why Jay. Am I not good enough? I know I work as a waitress till my books get published but that doesn’t mean I’m not representable. I went to the University like everyone else. I just needed a job to pay my bills until I find a publisher.”

“It’s not like that…” Jensen exhales and you need to swallow hard. You can see the lie all over his face and especially in his eyes.

“I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore. Will you tell at least Jared about me? Yes or no, Jensen!”

“Y/N…I love you but…”

“So, it is my job. It’s only a job, Jensen! I’m not a serial killer or a hooker! I was waiting for my breakthrough!” You yell now.

“Every unlucky writer tells you so!” Jensen talks back and you feel the hurting stabbing your heart. He never will tell anyone about you as he believes you are not presentable.

“Wow! Thanks for your honesty. Finally, I know I am not worth your time or love. The sad thing is, I wanted to celebrate with you, the reason I’m wearing this fucking expensive dress is that three publishers called me. One of them is going to publish all three books I wrote, and she ordered three more as they love my writing. I made it and I quit a week ago after I got my cheque for the first book.”

“That’s great! Let’s celebrate.” Jensen says.

“No…I will go home right now.” You say bitterly. Opening your purse, you place his keys onto the table.

“Baby?”

“I thought you love me; I thought you care about me but all you cared about was your reputation. You were waiting for your breakthrough too, no one judged you for the jobs you did before you became the great JENSEN ACKLES. I can’t do this anymore…or rather I won’t do this any longer.” Jensen is looking at you with wide eyes as you let the tears fall. “I‘m done.”

Walking toward the door you glance one last time over your shoulder.

Seeing the hesitation in Jensen’s eyes you are sure you made the right decision.

Not even now he tries to hold you back, not even now he tells you that you are wrong…so you are done…

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom, @thewinchesterco, @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @gh0stgurl, @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana31, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17, @notyourtypicalrose , @heyitscam99, @onethingthatkeepsmealive, @natura1phenomenon, @flamencodiva, @echoesofpassion, @cocklesbelli, @anushay1998, @voltage-my2dlove, @kmvld, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @thenamelesschibi, @lauravic, @fandomsrourlives, @wittysunflower, @drakelover78, @lemondropirwin, @lonewolf471, @wronglanemendes, @electraphygelectraphyng , @spnhollis, @void-imaginations, @jay-and-dean, @shatteredabby , @juniorhuntersam​​, @helpmeluci​​, @neii3n​, @goodgodimaweirdperson​, @alltimesamantha, @chonisberonica, @supernaturalonice @stuckys-whore​, @shadowkat-83, @officialmarvelwhore, ​@certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel, @wecantgiggleitsafandom​, @meganywinchester​, @shikshinkwon​, @idioticsky, @miraclesoflove, @yolobloggers, @guardian-tn

If your name is crossed out Tumblr won’t let me tag you for some reason. Sorry.

  Dean/Jensen Forever Tags     

@spnfamily-j2​, @supernatural-bellawinchester​, @butifulsoul125​, @lyinginthegingerlocks​, @deans-baby-momma​, @hawaiianohana31​, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester​​, @20gayneen​​, @janicho88​​, @thefaithfulwriter​​, @dreaminemz​​, @negans-lucille-tblr​​ @sadwaywardkid​​, @akshi8278​​, @hhiggs​​, @midnightsilver16830​​, @mrspeacem1nusone​​, @ria132love​​, @caligraphee​​, @the-witch-in-silence​​, @multisuperfandom​, @deansgirl-1968​

[sourstiless]

there seems to be a huge misconception about those of us who disliked steve’s ending to those who liked it. im really tired, so i’m gonna try to make this as short and sweet as possible.

if you don’t agree, don’t argue with me. i don’t have time for that shit, nor do i have the patience. anyway...

we don’t dislike his ending solely because stucky didn’t happen. or because we don’t think he deserves happiness. or because of any of those random ass assumptions ive seen online.

we dislike it because it’s a disservice to his character.

we interpreted his character from previous movies as “moving on”. in the winter soldier, asks him “what makes you happy”, to which he replies, “i don’t know”. at the end of age of ultron, he and tony are talking. he says “family, stability. The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out.” this isn’t because he feels like he has to move on, it’s because he wants to move on. he realizes he’s not the same person he was. in the winter soldier, he didn’t really have a place. he was a soldier following orders. and then shield collapsed. in age of ultron he realizes that he does have a place. he has this new family. not the one he expected, but one he needed. people who care for him. love him. who have his back, and who respect him. he even says “i’m home”. something he never said in any previous movies, and something he didn’t really have in previous movies. (this you can tell from his stiff body language and lack of modern social skills. in later movies he is clearly much more comfortable and relaxed).

he can’t run away from a fight. a lot of people seem to misunderstand this point. they usually say “oh so you think he should just fight all his life” or “he deserves to live a peaceful life” or whatnot. and while i do think that he deserves to life a fulfilled life with someone he loves and be happy, he doesn’t have it in him to stop. in civil war, mind you, this movie came out only 3 years ago. the last movie to star him besides infinity war. it was his last solo movie, therefore his character is basically developed as much as they’re going to develop him (he only had about 6 min in infinity war anyway). i digress. in civil war he says “if i see a situation pointed south, i can’t ignore it. sometimes i wish i could.” tony then responds to that with “no you don’t”, to which steve says “no, i don’t” with a slight smirk/smile on his lips. you can argue that maybe he never wanted to be captain america, or that he was ready to give the title to someone else, but even if he did, he would never be able to stand idly by while innocent people are put in danger, and get hurt. and he doesn’t wish he could change that part about him. he doesn’t resent that quality. so for him to live out an entire life, knowing fully well his best friend was being tortured and emotionally abused by hydra, knowing about all these wars, these social injustices, everything, and not do anything is incredibly out of character. it doesn’t matter if he knows that his current timeline won’t change. it doesn’t matter if he knows the bucky in his timeline is okay. he’d never let those bad things just, happen. he said it himself, he can’t just watch a situation go bad if he has the capability to end it. he deserves to rest, but he would never live with himself if his rest meant the suffering of millions.

it’s not that we don’t think he deserves happiness. he does, but he’s selfless. in tws, he saw that peggy was able to live out a life. how she was able to move on from him, but honor his legacy. he saw that she had lived. she hadn’t dwelled on the past. she was fulfilled. he saw how she didn’t regret anything that happened in her life. only that he didn’t get what she did. this is what pushes him to move on from the past, and appreciate the present. appreciate the people around him who care about him. (i don’t buy all the “steve was always peggy’s husband” bullshit, because there are lines in tws that clearly infer that he wasn’t. i won’t go over them now, but i will link a post here that explains them well.) steve would never, never want to take that away from her. it doesn’t matter if his timeline is not affected. he would never want to steal her life from her, to make room for his. and he would never leave his family. the people who love and care for him, and whom he loves and cares for, to live a life without them. not without sam. without bucky. without wanda. clint. tchalla. these are the people who are important to him now. who matter to him now. the people who he fought endlessly for. who stuck by his side even in the worst situations. who trusted him with their lives, and who he trusts with his. he found his happiness with them.

anyway, this was a hella lot longer than i intended it to be. i hope that made sense. i struggled to keep my eyes open hahaha. again, if you came here to argue, don’t. i was just explaining to the certain people who are so adamant to invalidate our opinions, why we disliked his ending. who claim we aren’t “steve fans” because we disliked it.

if you have anything to add onto this though, feel free to do so. i feel like i left a lot out. i went to go type a fourth reason and completely lost my train of though writing the first sentence.

anyway, that’s it. hope you got some insight, or something that held any sort of substance at all, and i really hope it didn’t sound like a bunch of nonsense.

[blues-stucky-stuff]

Podfic Rec Friday - 11/16/18

Title: If They Haven’t Learned Your Name

Rating: Mature

Fic Author: silentwalrus (tumblr: @silentwalrus1)

Author Tags: Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, standard Winter Soldier trauma umbrella, POV Alternating, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Weirdness, Llamas, Bucky Barnes Has A Complicated Relationship With UFOs, Thirty Korean Grandmothers, Steve And Sam Vs. Canoe, Natasha Is Taking It Personally, Consent Issues, One (1) Orgasm, Podfic Available

Podfic Artists: quietnight (tumblr: @quietnighty)

Podfic Artists Tags: Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, standard Winter Soldier trauma umbrella, POV Alternating, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Weirdness, Llamas, Bucky Barnes Has A Complicated Relationship With UFOs, Thirty Korean Grandmothers, Podfic, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: M4B, WIP Big Bang 2016, Podfic Length: very freaking long, audio format: A Mess, Consent Issues

My Tags: Stucky AU, Canon Divergence AU, Post-serum Steve Rogers, Captain America Steve, Winter Soldier Bucky, Natasha is a good bro, Sam is a good bro, Bucky vs Modern Times, TW: Violence, TW: PTSD, TW: Panic Attacks, Podfic Length: 24 hrs

Fic Link: AO3

Podfic Link: AO3

Author Summary: Steve gets out of the hospital in two days, but just barely. “I’m fine,” he tells Sam, Nurse Eunjung and the phalanx of doctors assigned to make sure Captain America didn’t bleed out and die and get bad PR all over their nice clean hospital. “I have an advanced healing factor. It’s fine. See? I’m standing.”

“That is not standing,” Sam tells him.

“You’re bending the IV stand,” Nurse Eunjung adds pointedly. “Let go and sit down, they don’t grow on trees.”

aka Steve and Bucky's Global Honeymoon Revenge World Tour.

Review:

Guys...guys….this was…

The Most Absolute Best Thing EVER!!

I have finally made my way through this massive fic/podfic and I am completely devastated that it is over. This was a goddamn masterpiece. I should have seen this coming considering this week’s rec it brought to you by the powerhouse team of quietnight and silentwalrus but I don’t think I was truly prepared for this level of amazing.

Now, considering that this podfic weighs in at a highly impressive 24 hr length thanks to a word count of 237k and in deference to anyone who would like to avoid spoilers, I’m going to put my very extensive fangirling over this fic/podfic (and discussion of warnings) underneath a cut because there is going to be a lot of it…

...okay now, if you’ve clicked here, you’re probably interested in hearing more about this story and oh boy am I happy to help.

There is just so much to love about this fic. Now, I want to warn you, there are some heavy scenes in this fic. There is a hefty focus on Bucky’s recovery which he is unfortunately going through on his own. Sometimes he goes into dark places so please heed the warnings about PTSD, violence, and panic attacks if that’s something that concerns you. I wouldn’t mind giving anyone a heads up on what might be something they’d want to skim over if it was needed.

First of all, I adore every single characterization in this fic. Bucky is amazing; watching his transformation from the Winter Soldier to Barnes to finally deciding that he wants to be Bucky again was superb and I loved every second of it. Another thing I am totally in love with is Steve and Sam’s friendship; their Natasha enforced mini-vacation was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen because not only was it hilarious and fun, Steve and Sam discuss some very personal things that will have you feeling all kinds of feels. Finally, it would be an absolute crime to not point out the utterly fantastic storyline for Natasha. I’m always a fan of fics that treat her as more than a sexy dangerous spy who always is correct and this fic delivers. You really get to know her in this fic and I love it so much.

Second...the USS Motherfucker. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that one day I would be calling a spaceship (and a character’s ensuing friendship/relationship with said spaceship) adorable but I have to say this because my mom taught me never to lie. I love how Motherfucker turns into a companion and pet for Bucky and, in its unique way, helps Bucky heal.

Third...and closely related to my second point, Bucky’s relationship with music and his iPod. I don’t think I’ve been so emotional about an iPod being broken. I am not ashamed to admit I teared up a little bit during that scene. (Don’t worry though, things get better in the best of ways, I promise)

Fourth...the Stucky. The glorious, glorious Stucky. I think it’s a testament to how good this fic is that, even though Steve and Bucky aren’t even in the same place for a large portion of the fic, you still get a powerful look at Steve and Bucky’s relationship through Steve’s point of view and his conversations with Sam and Natasha as well as through the fractured lens of Bucky’s mind. I love how the relationship took time to put together. It wasn’t Bucky is Hydra one second and then in love with Steve the next; there’s a natural progression there that definitely qualifies as a slow burn but it burns sooooo good you won’t even care if you don’t prefer lengthy courtships. Even once Steve and Bucky are together in the same physical location, there’s still an element of slow burn but it’s just so damn genuine and sweet that I guarantee that you will love it. And then once they finally address that relationship...I swear you might die from all the feels but you will die happy.

Finally (and super important)...the podfic. This podfic is amazing! The production values are superb and I absolutely love the addition of music that goes with the chapter titles; there’s even music added at points in the story that call for them and sound effects added which brings this podfic to an epic level. Then of course, since this is a quietnight podfic and I can’t not gush over it, the voice acting for the characters is absolutely my favorite. You always know who is talking because everyone has a specific that really embodies their character.

I could probably go on about this fic for hours or possibly days but I’m going to stop here. Hell, I don’t even know if anyone will have had the time or interest to read all this but I had to say it because a fic/podfic combination like this deserves to be talked about. I highly recommend that you listen to the podfic because quietnight does an amazing job but, if that isn’t your thing do yourself a solid and read the fic. This story is just too good to miss.

[kirawritesaboutevanstan]

The anchor in their lives - Chapter two

Summary: When two super soldiers lives get turned upside down, they move into an apartment in Brooklyn, trying to deal with their past and figure out their futures. So what happens when the apartment next door gets a new resident, one who has the potential to change their lives in ways they could never imagine. The question is; Will they let her?

Pairings: Stucky x Original Character Annie (eventually ) SOON GUYS

Disclaimer:  This story may contain strong language, polyamorous relationships (eventually + sex ), mental health talks( anxiety, depression, PTSD and so on. If you’re not comfortable with any of those, you might not want to begin reading this series.

As always thanks to the wonderfully sweet @holland-stan-posts for all your help with piecing this story together, and of course your neverending support. You’re a babe x

Interested in reading more of my stories? Well, you can find them right here. 

Looking for the masterlist for this series? Well, look no further. It's right here.

Warnings: Mentions of Bucky’s past and anxiety. 

A/N: Chapter two! HERE WE GO GUYYYS. 

Got a brand new laptop so hopefully, it won’t die on me. It’s very pretty and cool. Anyways, I'm still very excited about this series and I like this chapter personally. Hope you guys like it, and I promise Annie will show up soon! 

Previously...  

Chapter two: 

BUCKY'S POV

Waking up each morning to the noises outside his window was something he never got used to. The constant buzzing from the cars, the occasional honks. People were yelling and laughing. Planes from above shaking the ground a little as it flies over the roof, or at least he felt like the ground shook. It was all so overwhelming. Although he had lived in this world for over 70 years seeing it change from his prison, he never got the chance to get comfortable with any of it; he was too busy being used as a weapon to kill a ton of people. So here he was a 100-year-old man who had no idea how to deal with this society or even this century.

He pulls himself out of bed and walks out to the balcony, settling down on a chair Steve had put out for him, looking down upon the ground and the people walking past. He liked to observe them from high above. Sort of like a cat he felt most comfortable when he was above others. The distance put him at ease and calmed his anxious mind. He inhaled the fresh morning air as he watched a brown-haired girl walk out from a cafe he had been curious to see from the inside, but he never dared venture out into the buzz of humans walking past him. He watched her as she strolled along the sidewalk with her curls bouncing in the wind, she seemed so free and even more carefree that he felt the ping of jealousy creep under his skin.

Why couldn't he just go down and buy himself a coffee in that cafe? It's not that far, and it might be good for him to get some fresh air that isn't from the balcony. He knows that Steve would be pleased. Bucky knows how much he worries about him and how much he wants him to get back to his old self but honestly, he didn't even know who his former self, was anymore. Hydra had pulled himself in and out of that icebox so many times that all his memories were all bundled together in a big mess, not to mention the countless erasing of the remainder of his identity. Hydra pulled every part that was him out of his core and shattered it over and over. Every time he thought that he might be able to hold onto something it was pulled from his grasp leaving him with the cold numbness.

He hears Steve preparing their breakfast, and he decides to join him. Carefully walking into the kitchen observing Steve's movements before greeting him. He looked good today; his blondish hair was smoothed back. The beard he had grown, to try and hide his identity a little, was getting long, and Bucky couldn't help but appreciate him with a beard. He looked less proper and more like a normal human being, which Bucky liked. It made him feel a little better. He was wearing a black shirt, that was a bit too small and blue jeans. Steve turns around and spots him, his blue eyes light up at the sight of him. And his stomach does a little flip, which he ignores completely.

"Hey, Buck. How did you sleep?" His deep and cheerful voice rings out and grounds him again.

"uh, fine." He mumbles and settles down on his usual chair. Steve smiles softly at him and turns around to cook the eggs.

Bucky feels the usual anxiety bubble up, he knows what's about to happen, and he wishes that he didn't do this every day but he can't help himself. He has to try because maybe one day he might look at him and say "you know what, I'm staying at home here with you" and that dream keeps him going.

He opens his mouth to ask him, they both know that he will, but the words don't come out. Steve turns around and pours some eggs on his plate; he looks a little concerned.

God, he wishes that he would stay at home just this one time.

"Stay" Bucky's voice is merely a whisper. "Stay home with me Stevie, just this one time" He begs him, knowing its pointless. Steve frowns, and he sees the pain that he causes him once again. He meets his eyes and those impossibly blue eyes stare into Bucky's steel blue ones. The pain is obvious, and the guilt settles in the pit of his stomach.

"You know I wish I could. But today is a really important day. I might be promoted if I'm lucky. We can watch a movie later, okay? you choose." Steve offers and Bucky nods. They eat in silence and then Steve leaves. And the pain begins all over again.

STEVE'S POV

Steve arrives home feeling cheerful but also nervous. He got the promotion he hoped for, which was a good thing. It meant more money which was good. The downside was the hours. His schedule had been changed. He had to work later and more hours, but one good thing was that he had a day where he could work from one once every two weeks and the weekends off. The other days, however, he wouldn't come home until after dinner. A fact he wasn't looking forward to telling Bucky, hoping that he would be okay.  

He walks into the apartment and is usually met by an anxious Bucky in the hall who seems to relax the second he sees him, but this time he doesn't greet him. He walks into the living room and finds him sitting on the couch looking grim. This particular day must have been a hard one because Bucky is as tense as a spring. His whole body is stiff, and his face grimaced into a dead but yet somehow scared expression. His eyebrows are scrunched together, jaw clenched and his steel blue eyes wild. Again Steve gets the urge to hug him to his chest to comfort him and protect him from his mind, but he never does. He tried it a few months back, and Bucky freaked out, started yelling and throwing things around with a panicked look in his eyes. He ended up sitting on the floor his arms wrapped around his head mumbling ''leave me alone'' and ''no please'' over and over, it took him hours to calm down, so Steve never attempted it again.

Steve walks in and sits down o the couch next to him; he doesn't seem even to notice him.

"Do you want pizza or Chinese today?" Steve asks him, hoping to pull him out of whatever is happening inside his mind. Buckys eyes meet Steve's, and his blood runs cold at the dead look in them.

"Hmm?" Steve sighs internally and reminds himself to be patient. "Do you want to eat pizza or Chinese food today Buck?" He repeats, and Bucky perks up a little.

"Pizza" He mumbles as his eyes stare into the wall. "Pizza it is then. The usual I assume?" The super soldier nods and Steve gets up to call their local pizza place. When he returns Bucky hasn't moved an inch, and Steve reminds himself to be patient once again. It was just so hard for him to watch his friend as this broken man being helpless to do anything about it. Steve suggests watching an old movie, and Bucky nods again.

The food arrives, and they settle down on the couch nomming on their food and watching "singing in the rain." One of Bucky's favorites. Although he doesn't seem to be paying much attention to the movie, suddenly he turns towards Steve and stares into his eyes. Bucky's eyes have a serious look in them as if he is trying his hardest to gather his thoughts.

"How was your day?" Bucky asks frowning, but eyes piercing. Better get this over with, Steve thinks to himself.

"It was good. I got promoted." Steve carefully says and watches for any reaction from Bucky, his eyes widen for a second, but that's all.

"What does that mean?" He pushes and then groans before continuing. "I mean, that's great. Congrats punk." He gives Steve a careful smile, which he gratefully accepts.

"Thanks, pal. Um, it means more pay. Which is good. But also longer hours." Steve watches as a million emotions roll over Bucky's face, he can't decipher what they are, and before he knows it, he is back to his controlled expression.

"Youll be gone for even longer hours? Every day?" Steve nods and Bucky slowly nods, taking in this new information it seems.

"But I will still have the weekends off and one day every two weeks off," Steve adds hoping it might help. Bucky smiles a little-strained smile. "Well, congrats man." Silence falls upon the two men as they each try to figure out what to say, Bucky is the first one to speak as he announces that he is tired and that he is going to bed, before Steve can respond he has gotten up and almost jogs to his room. Leaving Steve alone with the burning guilt inside his gut.

Fin x

Next chapter..

Hope you liked it! 

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[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

I had a cluster of messages still in my inbox, so rather than responding to them piecemeal as I originally was thinking of doing, I’m going to consolidate them here. Especially since so many of them contain Baghdad Waltz spoilers.

For those interested, my new fic (so close to having a title!) is going to be posting probably next weekend, so stay tuned for that. See this spoiler-free post for more information, if you missed it.

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF BW

Ah yeah, it’s only still open because I need to add a list of works consulted, which will be another chapter in the timeline I think. But there won’t be any more actual story content. I’m sorry!

I would really like to think that Steve stays in touch with Winnie. I imagine that when he and Bucky broke up before he went to West Point, he drifted away from her and went all lone wolf. But I think that spreading his mother’s ashes is the beginning of his healing process with his maternal attachment issues, so I want to imagine a future where he values his relationship with Winnie and takes steps to keep himself and Ethan in her life. He knows what Ethan means to her, and Steve has been as good as one of her own children for a large part of his life. I imagine Winnie making a promise to Sarah to watch over Steve after she died, and I believe she would take that responsibility very seriously. I deeply enjoy my fantasies about Winnie and Ethan having a relationship, just as I sincerely want her and Steve to retain a sense of family together - even if it might be a bit complicated. 

As for Bucky (or Steve) potentially dating other people, yes, this could be a bit awkward for everyone! I imagine there would be a bit of distance right after the breakup. But I also really believe in my heart of hopeful hearts that Bucky and Steve will remain friends, regardless of whether or not they ever get back together - possibly even best friends. They worked well in this configuration before, better in some ways than when their relationship became romantic. And if they were to move on to other people (I have given myself permission to see multiple ultimate endings for them), I like to imagine that they would be happy for each other, perhaps bittersweetly, but sincerely.

Those are just my thoughts.

I have, of course, wondered about where their lives have led them. I’ve pleasantly imagined them getting back together in a few years, after they’ve done substantial work on themselves, and living a happy, relatively stable life together. I’ve also fondly imagined them doing this same work and then going on to meet other people while remaining in each other’s lives as friends (my beta and I have had many long conversations over the kinds of people they might end up with, in this case). I care most about them as individuals, if that’s not abundantly clear, but I see so much potential for them to remain close in whatever way they do. I’m sorry if that’s not a satisfying answer, but I feel content knowing that they are both on the path to being the best people they can be; whatever that means for their relationship is kind of secondary to me.

Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m very glad that you enjoyed it so much, and thank you for sticking with it so long!

I am hoping that they were actually being honest when they said that they wanted to still be there for each other and that they would continue to love each other. It was never intended to close the door on them immediately or in the future. But I do imagine that they would probably take some time to cool off (Steve moving, Bucky reconfiguring his daily routine without Steve in it) and then later resume more regular communication. Whatever happens after that is completely up to the imagination, I suppose!

I have a couple points to make about this:

I’m willing to bet that most Stucky fanfiction involving traumatized or otherwise severely struggling characters gives them a happy ending together. This is just the nature of the Stuckyverse. I think that’s why an ending like this one is such an oddity. This ending was not written for the purpose of making it an outlier; I just came to realize that this is the only end I could have written for these characters without doing an “xx years later…” epilogue like so many fics do. And I didn’t want an epilogue, because I honestly don’t know for sure what lives they might choose when they are in better places individually. I wanted to imagine a vaster world of possibilities for them rather than just landing them back at their home airport safely and calling it a day. But because the expectation in the fandom is “End of the Line” (and, to be fair, because of expectations I laid for readers in earlier days when I thought this was going to go differently), I think this ending feels even more jarring that it might have otherwise been for some folks. Honestly, I’m happy to be able to provide something alternative to lend more variety to a fandom that can sometimes feel a bit over-saturated.

As for hope, I’m not sure if I could offer a more hopeful proposition than to grant these characters the chance to heal from their trauma and loss and to give them the freedom to live in accordance with what they value most. Of their own volition to boot, not because they were forced by external circumstance. Bucky needs to deeply heal from his abuse, Steve needs to really grieve for his mother and connect with the most important person in his life - Ethan. And these goals are simply not compatible with the nature of their current relationship, which I think could easily be labeled as highly loving but also very unhealthfully codependent, if not toxic. I also deliberately left the door open for a future for them as a couple, if readers want to give them that.

So, I’m sorry this ending felt like such a disappointment to you. Although this story doesn’t follow the EOTL recipe, it’s still my hope that a majority of readers can find something valuable and meaningful in this story as told. But I cannot please everyone and have kind of given up trying.

I’m so pleased to know that these characters felt so real to you and that the story has left an impact on you. I honestly did plan for this to be a pretty typical Stucky story at the start, but it really became much more of a Bucky and Steve story (to the chagrin of some). I’ve spent so much time thinking about them, building their backstories, understanding their psychologies, and it’s been so rewarding to write them taking this journey, unplanned as much of it was. This has been a WIP in every sense of the word for me, taking me to places I never meant to go but was excited to visit once we got there.

Thanks again for the feedback! This is great to know.

--------

For those who have given me feedback about wanting the ending specifically tagged to better prepare future readers (a step I really want to avoid for spoilers’ sake): I hear you, I do. I have just revised the pre-fic notes to more specifically shape expectations for what this story is going to be like - including the ending. I really do appreciate people sharing their concerns about this, and I hope you find the compromise to be a reasonable middle ground. (EDIT: I’ve also decided that the tag “bittersweet ending,” which I just added, is reflective of the overall nature of the ending without being specifically spoiler-y.)

Thank you to everyone for all of the great asks and the support! I’ve started working on responding to comments in Ao3, so if you sent me something there, hopefully you will be hearing from me soon!