#so the answer is 1000000% no
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NOOOOOO MY SOOOOOOON-
give him back 🥺
#this ask was glitching so I decided to just screenshot it and answer it#anyways#someone Venmo me 1000000 monopoly dollaroos plz 🥺🥺🥺#smiling critters#bubba bubbaphant#poppy playtime#poppy playtime chapter 3
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I think my favorite theory about the remaster, is that it's an alternate timeline or a scenario where taco DOES go through the timeline, gets rid of their taco, and replaces her. All the added stuff that wasn't in season 1? Just the effects of the timeline being messed up. This time, she would plan to STAY stupid. It's easier. She wouldn't hurt anyone, she wouldn't be cast out.
My only evidence? Well it's shown that Lightbulb waves to her future self, so Lightbulb and Test tube are clearly there! Taco could have followed and quietly lead the other Taco away. Are there many many holes in this? yes. very many. But it's cool to think.
Hi Moldy!!^^ Welcome back, and thank you for sending in an ask!! :D
OMG!!! I love your theory!! I'm personally team Mephone4-telling-3GS-about-season-1, but honestly I'll be happy with whatever it ends up being.
As for Taco going back to season 1 and replacing her old self? I've thought about it!!! It was an old little au idea I had, in which the contestants Mepad managed to save from MephoneX in the hotel decided to try and get to Test Tube's time machine to go back and stop all this from happening. Taco was the only one to make it to the time machine, as everyone gets picked off along the way, and she travels back all the way to the start of season 1.
As for what she'd do with her old self? Well now that we have the remaster I have an answer. Bottomless pit. I'm only half joking, because I doubt Taco could convince her old self to stop with the scene and about everything that's happened, much less get her to leave the show while modern Taco takes her place, yeah?
But one way or another, Taco subs in for her other self, and well. She doesn't feel good. She's more quiet and avoiding interacting with the others than she was previously in season 1, feeling guilty not only about everything in the season she's reliving again, but also for being the only one to make it back in time safely. She was very much there for everyone else getting erased, as well as Mepad getting killed again, the last one to die, shielding her with his body like he did Mephone4 to buy her time to get the time machine to work.
So yeah, Taco is feeling bad and pretty much avoiding everyone outside of challenges, but especially Pickle. Of course she is!! He just unforgived her, and she doesn't want to hurt him again. But like, this is season 1 Pickle we're talking. He decided he wants to be friends with that Taco that's always on her own and he doesn't take no for an answer. They will be friends. And eventually she can't bring herself to avoid him anymore. So he ends up befriending the real sad and broken and lost Taco. They start a genuine friendship on both ends!!
I think Taco would still have OJ win in the finale, she'd probably be more focused on Mephone5, and she wouldn't want to mess up the timeline too badly. That's why she hasn't gone after Cobs directly yet either, because one wrong move and the season 2 contestants, including Mic, are never made. Season 3 contestants too, yeah, but this is Taco she is caring about Mic's existence primarily. And she probably wouldn't want to manage the hotel lol.
I also think that, after the finale, she'd end up telling Pickle about everything that's happened. Between them, with her, with Cobs, etc. And he'd believe her too. He is made to be gullible, after all, and again this is untraumatized-by-Taco season 1 Pickle, and he will never be traumatized like that now because Taco hasn't lied to him. She's being extra truthful in fact. He'd probably take the fact that they were made by Mephone more in stride too here, since again he's been having a pretty good time all things considered.
She'd very much tell him about their history, and expect him to have the same reaction he did back in the original timeline and never want to speak with her again, but as I have continuously emphasized, this is season 1 pickle!!!!!! He is naive and trusting and loyal!! He would forgive her in this timeline, and even want to help her with her mission to take down Cobs before he can take them down. And it is so very bittersweet, because she knows the Pickle she'd known would never have given her forgiveness, but he was wiped away with everything else she once knew, and this is the only Pickle there is. And she will hold his friendship and affection in her scarred and bloody hands and cherish it!!!
ALSO! I think she'd buddy up with Mephone4 in this au, actually. She wouldn't tell him what had happened, inside she's still mad at him (at least at first) and he doesn't even remember Cobs at this point. Again, she can't risk giving back his memories because what if he doesn't make everyone else? But mainly, I think this would happen because she's looking for Mepad. She knows Mephone took him when he left Meeple, so he must be around somewhere!! She finds him and is so very happy to see him... well he's not alive yet because he's booting up but!! He's not dead so that's improvement!!! I'd say that Mephone walks in on her hanging out with him and is surprised and kind of nervous about getting caught, but Taco wants to be able to come see Mepad so she plays nice and ends up forming an actual bond with Mephone, much to her chagrin. Because there are ghosts and hints of how Cobs was with him that are leftover even after he deleted his memories that she hadn't noticed before, and Mepad has been trying to teach her empathy and MAYBE she's picking up on it after also having had a terrifying experience with Cobs.
So uh ahem anyways sorry for taking over your ask and writing you an essay uh. Lovely theory who needs evidence when you're having so much fun!!!!!!! Also Taco staying stupid by choice my beloved she isn't doing it to manipulate she isn't doing it because she has to keep up the facade she's doing it because she hates herself and thinks it's better for everyone if she's like that aaaa <3 <3 <3
#inanimate insanity#loomy's answers#ii taco#taco ii#again moldy i am so sorry this one really got away from me 1000000%#pickle ii#ii pickle#mephone ii#ii mephone#mepad ii#ii mepad#ive been writing today thats probably why
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lowkey though sometimes ill be following a train of thought and then i will think something kind of insane like completely seriously and i have to pause for a second and go Wait a minute girl. What was that.
#no bc it was so funny um because like a few months ago i was thinking about ichijou#and like the sort of person he probably was in school and like how i think he would be the sort of person#that would refuse to raise their hand in class unless they were 1000000% sure of the answer because he HAS to be correct#because for him school isnt a place to learn its a place to prove that hes like better than everyone else#<- and this was a thought that came to me so naturally like it was like it was the most natural perspective in the world#and i had to stop for a second and go. Wait. What was that.
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My RookMc dynamic is just MiziSua btw send tweet
Oh my god Rook is Sua in this dynamic may he rest in peace-
#em answers#ch: rook#spoilers for alien stage (the last ep)#but rook 1000000% would have given mc more lines so they could live instead of him#realistically I do think he has a bit of Ivan in him too (that Till/Ivan kiss scene was crazy also lives rent free in my head)#anyway rook finally kissing mc on stage because it doesn't matter anymore and these are his last moments#he gave you the lines#he let you survive let him have this one kiss before his oblivion#(an alien stage au is actually so fun to imagine lmao)
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Pops in Hi hello I’ve been wanting to do fanart for a while now cus I may or may not be kinda hyperfixated on ur au and today finally went fuck it and made a lil smthn lol
Chucks this at you and sprints away AAAAAAAAA
!!! shdfgsjhgfshj oh my god oh my god you have no idea how happy this makes me tysm i love them so fucking much 🥺🥺🥺
#max caulfield#chloe price#rachel amber#life is strange#hope. u don't mind that i'm sharing these w the wider tags i just. hgsdkjfhks#art!!! art of my silly lil au!!!!!! hsjgshfsjgsjh AAAAA!!!!!#i really like the first one you captured her 'i'm lowkey turning into a creepypasta' energy so well <3#also ''i looked away for 5 and she jumped out. the window.'' shdgfshj#and dragon rachel <3 tfw the function has animal imagery <3 <3#1000000/10#gonna be rotating these in my mindcrowave all day <3#nova answers#snailvibes#marrow max tag
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On a scale of 1 to 10, how sad were you when Spider died? And how even sadder were you when River found out?
okay so:
i read the book, and i’d seen the advert (and i’m an obsessive so you know i was freezeframing every second tryna find spider) so i PREDICTED that spider would be killed rather than sly in the car park scene bc of something i’d seen in the s3 trailer. so i kinda knew it was coming. but because i was experiencing such insane whiplash from the chieftain hq scene, it was more like shock than sadness. i think i felt a bit sad because it seemed permanent, whereas in the novels, mick herron doesn’t REALLY suggest he’s DEFINITELY dead (maybe taverner considered it once, but it’s never been confirmed – and “dead” characters have been known to come back like 5 or 6 books later). basically, i was more mourning for lost river spider moments (there’s a passage in the book where river visits spider in hospital and it’s so raw and emotional and repressed, i really wanted it to happen in the show). so sadness? i’d say 6/10.
river finding out? i had headcanons about it – wrote a lot about it – and i basically wrote similar things to what he expressed. i was surprised, because of how they’d written spider into this caricature of a posh boy (i didn’t hate the interpretation at all, far from it, i think it’s more relevant for now and also made him cuntierrrrr). i thought they’d done that so that river wouldn’t care. so when he did, it really surprised me and made me uber sad. when louisa was like ‘you actually care about spider?’, my pain was like at least 8, maybe 9/10. but that’s also bc i love louisa and i know how much she loved/loves min. so it was almost like river had betrayed her, which you could tell he felt bad about when he tried to justify it. there’s this passage in the first book where river is thinking about how he was drawn to spider, not necessarily because he liked him, but because everyone on their training course needed each other after torture resistance training – which, omg so much angst i don’t have time nor characters to get into it – so i thought of that a lot when i was watching the scene. like the sadness of toxic codependency coming to an end. like, you shouldn’t be sad, but you are, and no-one gets it so you feel worse. so yeah, probably a 9/10 for when river found out.
sorry that was such a needlessly long answer, but i have SO MANY FEELINGS about these two! thanks for asking! ❤️
#i wrote this at the pub so sorry about the detail#slow horses#river cartwright#spider webb#also#better answer: 10/10 and 1000000/10
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joyeux anniversaire ✨
merciiiiii 🫶🫶🫶


#thank you i love you 1000000 kisses for you#wahhh everyone is so sweet..explodes cutely#asked and answered#ferrame
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'tis me once more, very specific anon and i'm sorry you got rained on! i don't know why i put an exclaimation point there just roll with it
and don't worry your blog theme is fine i was just tired ig
question #5: about how many times have you seen any variant of do you like the colour of the sky?, including physical copies (e.g. that one hd editor's cut irl version, colour of the sky hat)
and since i said i'll only be sticking around for these 5 days, i'll bid you adieu, but i might come back every now and the ;)
-very specific anon
hello very specific anon!!
oooh… I don’t know if I have a definite answer, but i’ve DEFINITELY seen more than 30? I also occasionally go through the “color of the sky” tag and see any new ones, so the number is always growing :)
and noooooo pls don’t go very specific anon :(
but if you must, I do hope you’ll return every now and then…please oh please
but goodbye for now, very specific anon
#these were so fun :’(#also I would 1000000% possibly give you my main blog if you message me lol#I mean maybe…. i’d have to vet your blog first lmao but still!#if you wanted lmao#it’d be funny if you were actually already one of my mutuals lol#either way goodbye for now very specific anon#you shall be missed <3#ask#very specific anon#the hellsite answers#anonymous#hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit
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peas eveyone wwish me luck
#1 like = 1 correct answer for ivy...........#diary#can we get 1000000 likes so i never fail again ever
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{CONT. || @red-hemlock}
Steven has a bad habit of expecting things to just work out. In his defense, they usually do; he's not sure whether it's a side-effect of his abilities, or just how the world works, but he's almost always capable of weaseling his way out of any difficult situation in which he might find himself. ...although, granted, he doesn't find himself in danger very often.
But this feels different. Maybe it's because he has someone else to worry about in addition to himself, or maybe it's because he's crossed the most powerful person he knows, but Bell's... scared. Terrified, even.
Part of him thinks the two of them should just give up. He'll beg for Mr. Afton's forgiveness, show him that he's learned his lesson, and swear that he didn't tell Hemlock a thing. It won't work, but Steven's been nothing but loyal and efficient until now, and maybe that will count for something. Maybe-- maybe everything will work out fine, and Hemlock will go back to her life, and he'll go back to his, and they'll both learn to ignore the horrors being committed right under their noses.
Another part of him is furious and desperate, as though he's been betrayed by the universe the one time he tries to do the right thing. William can't keep getting away with this, they have to do something--
But first, they have to make it out of here alive.
He tells himself to trust Hemlock. This is her job, her area of expertise. And if he's honest with himself, she probably isn't committed to her work enough to sacrifice herself for him, which means she's at least semi-confident that she can handle the crowd. This is what he's hired her for, and he'll be putting them both in more danger if he doesn't listen.
"Right. ...right. You'll do fine!"
He takes a step backwards, slightly embarrassed about his immediate reaction to all of this, and then turns to bolt. He makes it to the door without being hit, but when he half-closes it behind him, he pauses, peering through the crack at Hemlock and the sea of attackers. None of them is from the company's security division, of course-- it wouldn't do to risk sending people with whom Steven has built up friendly relationships-- and he hopes that means they're less than the best in their field.
He should leave, but he can't. He has to make sure his only ally in all of this is okay, and stay to provide some sort of help or distraction or second target if she isn't.
He can't afford to face this alone.
#no pressure to cont this!!#im just holding them so much /pos#as for heights. s.steven is shorter than her but im going to handwave everything HAHAH#i'll add that to his about page now tho LOL#also 1000000% worth the wait AND please dont ever feel rushed on stuff / like you have to get to everything i send in <3 :D#completely ok if you drop / NEVER answer!! /gen gen!!!!#redhemlock#redhemlock 2#v; this call may be monitored for quality assurance#rp#mutecall
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okay a few OC questions:
who is most likely to get so drunk they dont recognize their partner and is INSISTENT on sleeping on the couch cus "they have a partner and arent a cheater"
who is most likely to just. decide to go on a vacation the next day and just go. like full on, get on a random flight or train and just see where the hell they end up
who brings a paper map on a road trip (bonus points if its like 30+ years out of date)
who is most likely to steal a pigeon of the streets and raise it and keep it as a pet
also I hope you and your family get better soon! I know a lot of people are currently sick (myself included, though the worst has passed for me luckily). take your rest, only do the bare minimum you need to and dont let anybody shame you into doing more they can shove a zucchini up their ass so they have to go to the ER to get it fished out. cheers 🫡✨
who is most likely to get so drunk they dont recognize their partner and is INSISTENT on sleeping on the couch cus "they have a partner and arent a cheater"
oh boy a lot of them. even some of the ones in open relationships because they'd still want to make sure their partner(s) are okay with it.
so in order i've posted their stories (not including reader characters):
LLTQ's First Mate, Hulo (if he could get drunk), Willow, David (B would laugh so hard she'd cry), Charis, Lysosi, Tasha, Philon, Nicole, Ren, Hector, Adrian, Gage (robot equivalent of drunk idk), Ahlex, Serena, Marble, Button, Bic, Malak, Tuq (Moura would drag him into bed anyway (just to sleep) bc she can't sleep without cuddles), Moura, all of the werewolf boys, Arro (he'd 100% get off on it if you took advantage of him anyway), Viktor, and Nina.
who is most likely to just. decide to go on a vacation the next day and just go. like full on, get on a random flight or train and just see where the hell they end up
Willow, Adrian, Candi, Chelle, and Colovan (not without at least 2 of his boys).
who brings a paper map on a road trip (bonus points if its like 30+ years out of date)
brings a paper map: Willow, Marius, Nicole, Hector, Ahlex, Gage (picked up the habit from Ahlex), Jason, Marble, Tuq (never gets to use it because Moura somehow always knows where they are and how to get where they're going), and Nina.
brings a hilariously outdated paper map: Hulo and Malak (updates it as he goes, delighted to find new things and dejected when something he wanted to see is already gone).
who is most likely to steal a pigeon of the streets and raise it and keep it as a pet
just because: Willow, Malak (technically Bic caught it to eat but Malak completely misread the situation and now Bic can't eat it bc his husband is already doting over his lunch), Noah
only if it's visibly sick/injured bc they can't stand to see an animal suffer: Nicole, Hector, Gage, Echo, Tuq, Beau, and Silvain.
thank you! i hope you feel better soon as well. thankfully my husband came home early to take care of us, so he was able to help and has been letting me rest (because the kiddo sure isn't letting a little bug slow them down no sir lol).
#i need to go back and edit Star Stud tbh#using Daddy/Mommy titles was a bit of a squick for me back then so i avoided it#but it's definitely not now and Colovan would 1000000% be calling Big J Daddy and not Sir just sayin#madax answers
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thoughts on 'tears don't fall' by bullet for my valentine? violet orlandi and lauren babic's cover of it has me envisioning a whole AMV for timelooping Max.
the slow rhythmic verses contrasted with the metal screaming feel like a great representation of her mental state.
while listening im basically that meme of that guy dramatically crouching on the beach, watching sand flow through his fingers (just like what Marrow!Max experienced with Chloe's jacket during the Lighthouse Incident amirite) while 4-5 versions of him in varying degrees of distress are superimposed on the side.
have a nice day! :D (casting a spell of blorbo-induced brainworms)
sdkfhhsdkfh oh hell yeah i have other ppl making mindpalace AMVs for this AU <3
also,

#ur so right that image very much is the vibe here. ououhgghghgh. 1000000 points psychic damage <3#we're not even. we're not even gonna talk about 'like max w chloe's jacket' shdfgshdfgsj Too Soon#i'm the bastard that wrote it but Too Soon fjghkdfjhkdjsggd#hope u have a nice day also!! thank u for the rec ^^#nova answers#marrow max tag
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DAH
#I REALLY need to quit this job#it's not even noon and I've dealt with 26 calls already#and I want to rip my hair out every time the phone rings#especially because I'm ALWAYS in the middle of something important#and I hate it and I can't imagine this is healthy for me to be so pissed off all the time#I never signed up to be the sole phone answerer here and I'm 1000000% over it
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It wasn't so much uprooting for good, his business was property, but he didn't live in them. He held power through contracts, sourcing meetings, working with hundreds of employees under his many names but to move out here would lessen the load. If anything, Václav looked up at his love, excited about the possible move, to no longer fly out for long hours for 'home from home' and to enjoy the peace of their own world whilst wishing for family. Whilst Václav was much the same with the family dynamic, they were all scattered in the world. He wasn't nearest to his family home either, closer to the Uchiha's that moved within the years in fact. Still, he found himself smiling at his husband's cheer.
"I wouldn't mind working from home more… The peace here is better without my kind of business in its shadow, love." As grand as it was, it was just fronts for the dangerous and out of the eyes of police… In his absence he can make them turn for a better leaf, make it a better place so that those that work for him down burn behind his back. That and he was sure his brother, Lubomir would love to take it on as a side project. That man's greed was nothing less of a void, and he did seem to linger around for often as if he knew something was up with Václav's recent mindset. One of the many oddities of that man, the eldest and adopted like most of them but something about him spoke of wiser than his years, sneakier and more violent than anything he knew.
A true shark in the bloody seas.
For now though, Václav stares upon Sujin and reaches out to stroke the man's face, the excitement tingling through his fingertips as he thought on it a bit more. "We need to ask Madara-sama and Touma what they think of it… but first, to get a place here set up. Work can be sorted out afterwards but I need a den here to be at ease." It wasn't a temporary fix with Sujin scented pillows to keep his beast from getting angsty. This was a deeper need, his apartment would be left behind, the familiarity of his city and walls would be changed. A strange nervousness in his chest made him inhale deep before exhaling with lashes fluttering.
"I think we should… Being happy with you here is all I need, Touma's a bonus that I've fallen victim too, hah." Lashes flutter, head pressing against Sujin's own as he nuzzled lightly. "For us, I'll do anything, Sujin… I married you with this in mind." They already had the family's blessing, Madara's blessing also - but now to have their mutual blessing for another step to be taken together? That nervousness melts away with butterfly wings in his stomach. "Shall we tell your parents tomorrow?"
Features nuzzle into his husband's touch, a purr rumbling deep within his chest. That small reassurance does wonders for Sujin, because it lifts a weight from his chest. ❝ ━ We'll sit Touma down and see what he wants, but I have a feeling that he'll be in agreeance. ❞ Madara, though? The shifty bastard. Sujin is sure that he set Touma lose in their direction for this right here. Something about the Founder was weird like that, he knew things and if he saw the cub having a loving family with them, Sujin was not to protest it. But its nothing but the truth, finding a den was first and foremost.
Securing his mate somewhere to feel comfortable and call his own was high up on that list. It was something for him to think about for himself as well, not just because he would be close to his family, but because this was it for him. Václav was always his first priority, and now he had Touma to think about. Ah, his heart was fluttering wildly with the prospect of finding a home for their little family. Reaching out, he slips his arms around the Lynx and tugs the man into his lap, smoothing hands up his side and nuzzling into him. ❝ ━ Then, lets go look for something first thing in the morning, something that'll put you and your beast at ease. Settled down roots where you, me and Touma can call home. ❞
Kami, he almost forgot about his parents ! A soft groan escapes him, forehead falling to his husband's shoulder. His father was one thing, but his mother? Oh, she would nag just for the heck of it and telling her about Touma ? The way she would question his every move while doting on his husband? He loved his mom but she was a nuisance ! ❝ ━ As long as you do the talking, it shouldn't be an issue. Something about you softens all my ma's hard edges. ❞ Like mother like son, truthfully.
It makes him nervous, the thought of Touma not wanting to be a part of their family. There were plenty of things that bothered Sujin but they were trivial, this was something infinitely more important. Because it wasn't about him, it was about his family, about the people he loved and nothing was ever going to come before that. Teeth scrape along skin, hands slipping beneath fabric, settling against the warmth of the Lynx's skin, a soft sigh rolling over his tongue. ❝ ━ I love you. ❞ More than his own sanity, but he loved so deeply that included one little cub merely meant his need to protect his family became infinitely more incredible.
securing a den & a cub. | @nvrcmplt
#nvrcmplt#yesss sujin is so on board with this#protective instincts at 1000000%#🕊️. ◦ ✧ ✩ ( fighting spirit ic. )#👑ˑ » ( answered. ) ᶜʰᵒᵒˢᶤᶰᵍ ᵇᵉᵗʷᵉᵉᶰ ᵈᵉˢᵗʳᵘᶜᵗᶤᵒᶰ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵖᵉᵃᶜᵉˑ#vàclav. ╱ » we will be monsters in this world with only each other.
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☆┊DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND..
SUMMARY: little things he does that remind you you’re going to marry him someday.
CHARACTERS: all dorms (-ortho)
GENRE: fluff
WARNINGS: none
reader gender is not mentioned, reader is not mentioned to be yuu
MAKING YOU MEALS
he makes sure you eat RIGHT. no more skipping meals throughout the day on his watch. every lunch he’ll make you a cute little bento box so you don’t have to wait in line. and when i say cute, i mean cute. it doesn’t matter what gender you are your rice balls will have cat ears. dinner? come over to his dorm and he’ll make something for you. don’t feel like it? he’s going to your place and cooking there. breakfast? he makes something quick yet delicious for you. he’s like your own private chef, and you can only imagine what it’d be like to see a ring on his finger someday.
trey, ruggie, azul, jamil, lilia (good luck), silver
CLEANING YOUR ROOM (and everything else)
it doesn’t matter if your room is messy, tidy, or anything in between, every month he’ll make sure it is SPOTLESS. is there dust on your shelves? nuh uh. are there random stains on your floor that you thought were impossible to get out? he’s rushing to your rescue and somehow got the stain out. did you not want to go through your homework? everything is suddenly organized in its respective subject, going from A-Z. you’ve never seen your room so tidy before, it was like an epiphany. please just marry him on the spot, he’s begging.
riddle, deuce, jade, jamil, vil, sebek
LEAVING LITTLE POST-IT NOTES ON YOUR BELONGINGS
without fail, you’ll find a cute little sticky-note on your almost all of your belongings. sure, it gets annoying once in awhile, but reading the sweet message on it changes your mind almost instantly. “you’re going to do great today! stay strong. :)” “don’t forget to drink water! love you 🫶” “can we go out soon? my treat. text me when u see this!” it’s almost frightening to see how much yellow papers you keep inside your desk every time you opening it, but can anyone really blame you? you’re going to keep these til the day you die, and that grand total might be at the very least over 100,000.
ace, deuce, cater, jack, floyd, kalim, epel, rook
RANDOM GIFTS
expect to see a neatly wrapped gift on your doorstep almost every week. seriously. it’s like a delivery service except the company is literally your boyfriend. “dear, did you get me this?” you ask as you enter the room. he looks up from his phone as he looks at the expensive name brand sweatshirt in your hands. “yeah.” he answered so nonchalantly!! like sir!!! this sweater was 1000000 thaumarks!! what!! while you do appreciate the gesture, you feel bad he’s spending so much money on you. he doesn’t care though!! he’ll spoil you rotten til your very last breath.
leona, azul, floyd, kalim, vil, idia, malleus
PREPPING YOU SNACKS
depending on who this is, he may not be some gordon ramsay level chef, but he’s definitely more than happy to cut you a some apple slices while you study. sometimes he’ll come into your room with a backpack full of your favorite snacks just left at the side of your desk so you can reach down and grab the one you want to eat that day. sometimes all you need is an energy boost and he’s more than happy to make some coffee or tea for you if you’re busy. he’ll press a kiss or two on your forehead before placing the plate of beautifully cut fruit down and continuing on with his day and going back to his thoughts. now, what will the theme of your wedding be?
ace, deuce, trey, jade, jack, jamil, epel, malleus
A/N: notice how jamil and deuce are in almost every category. (sorry this one was kinda rushed 😭😭)
date published: 7/30/24
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Do you think Dick has a favourite brother?
I LOVE THIS QUESTION. I'M GOING TO ANSWER IT AT UNNECESSARY LENGTH.
But for the tl;dr crowd: yes, 1000000%. It's Damian. Dick would not admit this under pain of death, even to himself, but it's Damian.
THE LONG VERSION:
So Dick and Jason are not close and never have been. I always sort of blink in bewilderment when people say they are, or were when Jason was Robin, because they are demonstrably not, and that's what's interesting and tragic about them.
The fact of the matter is that Dick simply wasn't around very much when Jason was Robin. The Doyleist reason for this is that he wasn't really being treated like a Bat character: he was a Titans character, appearing in Titans books, with only the occasional cameo in Batbooks. He and Jason get along very well in Jason's first origin story (when Jason was a circus acrobat and his parents were eaten by crocodiles); in fact, Dick tells Bruce he wants to adopt Jason and Bruce is like "Not if I adopt him first!" But after that, Dick simply...wasn't there very often.
If you need a Watsonian reason for this, it's pretty easy to extrapolate one. Dick and Bruce were not getting along well during this period, so of course Dick would avoid Bruce and Gotham. And yeah, I think it's fair to assume Dick felt some kind of complicated feelings about Bruce having a new Robin, especially post-Crisis when Bruce made Jason Robin without Dick having any say or even a warning that it was going to happen. I tend to headcanon that he resented Jason a little, but was mature enough to know that it wasn't actually Jason's fault, and partially decided to stay away so that he didn't take that out on Jason. But Jason, a smart and sensitive kid, interpreted this as Dick avoiding him because he didn't like him.
And then Jason died.
Dick took that hard, and I think it was less "my brother who I had a close relationship with died" and more "this child followed in my footsteps and it killed him and I wasn't even there for him when I had the chance." To me, that absolutely forms the subtext of the relationship he develops with Tim.
Not at the start. At the start, once "A Lonely Place of Dying" is over, he's as checked out with Tim as he was with Jason. The Doyleist reason is the same - Dick literally just wasn't supposed to be in Batbooks too much - but the way it plays out is sometimes really funny in an awful way. Like in and just after Knightfall, when Bruce gets his back broken by Bane and is like "I've known Jean-Paul Valley for two weeks and he barely has any training, most of it done by my extremely new 13-year-old Robin...I think I'll make him Batman." And then Tim's dad and Tim's dad's doctor, Shondra Kinsolving, get kidnapped, and since Bruce has been aggressively romantically pursuing Shondra to the point of it being uncomfortable and inappropriate, he's like "Okay going to rescue Shondra! I mean, your dad! I'm taking Alfred with me! Tim, you're in charge of Gotham and Jean-Paul byeeeeee!" And then JPV immediately gets unhinged and violent and tries to kill Tim and Tim keeps calling Alfred like "Um can you please come back and help" and Alfred's like "No" and Tim's like "Okay well did you at least rescue my dad?" and Alfred's like "Also no." Anyway Dick finally comes to Gotham and Tim is like "THANK GOD, HELP, BRUCE MADE AZRAEL BATMAN AND HE'S TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE, I NEED AN ADULT" and Dick is like "He made someone who isn't me Batman??? 😡😡😡" and then just...fucks off back to New York and leaves Tim to deal with it. Very out of character, VERY funny.
BUT ANYWAY. Then we get to around 1996 and 1. Dick is no longer on the Titans which has a whole new lineup and 2. there's an editorial shift emphasizing the Batfamily. This is where the line really expands: Robin (started in 1993, but still pretty new), Nightwing, Birds of Prey, Azrael, eventually Gotham Knights in 1999 and Batgirl in 2000. Dick moves to Bludhaven and spends way more time in Gotham.
This is when Dick looks at Tim, says "Is anyone gonna big brother that?" and doesn't wait for an answer. All of a sudden he's behaving in a way that suddenly feels in character for him (although the idea of Dick as a big brother/mentor...really wasn't a thing for him prior to this era, so it's more of a new development that feels correct in retrospect). He's training Tim, he's giving him advice, he's teasing him about girls, he's coming up with inside jokes, he's giving him noogies. It's like he watched a bunch of 80s sitcoms to learn how to be a big brother and applied his research accordingly.
And Tim? Tim absolutely blossoms under the attention. Tim, who has been adultified by every other adult in his life since he was, like, eight, is getting treated like a kid. Tim, whose parents are never around, and don't pay attention when they are around, has an adult he looks up to who wants to spend time with him, for fun. Tim, who has hero worshipped Dick Grayson since he was...well, according to the math, he was one (1) year old so let's ignore the math, but he was small, is now basking in the full force of Dick Grayson's off-the-charts charisma. This is the best thing that has ever happened to Tim. This is the dream.
I want to be clear here: I think Dick's extreme reversal here is a delayed reaction to Jason's death, but I don't want to imply that he doesn't care about Tim as an individual. He loves Tim as much as Tim loves him. Tim's good opinion is incredibly important to him. This relationship goes both ways.
Annnnd then both of their lives fall apart extremely rapidly, and Damian shows up, and Bruce dies. And Dick tries to get out of it, but ultimately it ends how it has to: with him accepting the mantle of Batman, and responsibility for Damian.
The relationship Dick has with Damian is nothing like the relationship Dick has with Tim. Tim is his little bro. Damian is his baby. He's fourteen years older than Damian and as much of a parent figure as a sibling figure. And Damian is difficult and exhausting but Dick slowly, slowly coaxes a degree of trust and affection out of him that even Bruce will never achieve. And he can only do that by making Damian Robin, which means Tim has to stop being Robin.
This is where Dick and Tim fall apart, because what they need in this very vulnerable moment is so diametrically opposed, and neither of them are wrong. To Dick, asking Tim to step down - or up, from Dick's perspective - from being Robin is a compliment. Dick fought to free himself from Bruce, to become his own man with his own name, and so asking Tim to do the same thing is a show of faith in Tim, in his skills and experience.
Whereas Tim's hero-worship has always been for Robin, not Batman, and every glimpse he has had of a future beyond Robin has always been a dystopia. But more importantly, Tim has just lost his father, his stepmother, his mentor, his girlfriend, and his two best friends. He desperately needs to be able to lean on Dick, the grown-up he admires the most, and instead, Dick is kicking him out of the nest.
In other words: Dick is saying, with all the love and trust in his heart, "I need you to help me by being a fellow adult." And Tim is saying, with all the love and trust in his heart, "But I need you to be my adult." And they both get a no.
This is water under the bridge now, and they've healed even though they've never really talked it through because Bats don't do that (although what I wouldn't give for a Nightwing/Red Robin miniseries where they do everything but talk about it). But I do think Tim looks at the closeness and affection between Dick and Damian and feels some kind of way about it to this day, because it's so clear to everyone that Damian is Dick's favorite...but Tim remembers when he was Dick's favorite. And what Tim doesn't see is that Dick values him as a genuine partner in a way he will never quite achieve with Damian, because to him, Damian will always be his baby, even more so than he is Bruce's. (Dick is Bruce's baby, actually, not Damian. In this essay I will...)
(I could see a really interesting dynamic developing between Jason and Tim here, as the ones on the outside of that mutual appreciation society, but sadly the comics have never gone there. Alas.)
Finally, I think the relationship between Dick and Duke is very much "I just work here." Like, Dick is grown, he's out of the house, he's largely matured past the Bat-drama. He likes Duke but he doesn't feel the compulsion to brother him the way he did with Tim, and Duke doesn't need the mother henning Damian did.
IN CONCLUSION, and hooboy, sorry anon, most of this wasn't at all the question you asked:
Duke and Dick get along fine but aren't particularly close.
Damian is Dick's precious baby and always will be, even when Damian is an adult and annoyed by this treatment (but privately kind of loves it because he is a princess at heart).
Tim is Dick's buddy, his pal, his equal. If Dick were ever going to talk something through with a sibling, it would be Tim. (But that would require Dick admitting that everything isn't perfect or asking for help, so it'll never happen.)
Jason and Dick can't be in a room together for five minutes without fighting and Dick finds him wildly frustrating, but they will throw down for each other. When they aren't punching each other.
(And to answer the corollary: Damian's favorite brother is Dick. Tim's favorite brother is also Dick. Duke's favorite brother is Tim by default, since he doesn't know Dick very well and Jason and Damian are both too annoying, but really he's closest with Cass. Jason's favorite brother is Ace and he has communicated that often and loudly (but really it's probably also Dick).)
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