#so warnings for frequent clam rambles!!

[trailshome]

TLH Discord

Sorry yall! I messed around with the Trails discord a bit but I think I’ve gotten it running about as well as I can. So, uh, if anyone wants to join here’s the link: xx

I’m willing to answer questions over there too if anyone would prefer that, I’ll also might be sharing some extra tidbits over there. You’ll need to ask for the spoilers role but I promise they won’t be too heavy! lol!! I’ll also give more progress reports on there to avoid cluttering the blog with smaller, less important updates!

Smooches!! <3

[eldrai]

Pretty Boy

Whumptober 2021 - day 5 - prompt: misunderstanding

Characters: Reid & Morgan

Warnings: implied/referenced ableism, implied/referenced homophobia, past bullying, light implied CSA [none of it from them]

Words: 995

Summary: He's a nice kid. So Derek isn't sure why Reid is avoiding him.

masterlist / ao3

Spencer Reid has the awkwardness of a baby deer just learning how to use its legs, and a similar physique. He’s also got more PhDs at his age than most people have in a lifetime, and Gideon chose him specifically for the unit. And he’s got an interesting choice in sweaters – Derek admires it, honestly, because it takes skill to wear something some of those patterns and not look awful – and some really obscure facts memorised.

He’s a nice kid.

Derek isn’t sure why Reid is avoiding him.

It starts off subtle: he’ll place himself next to JJ or Elle or Hotch when they’re in the jet, in what Derek brushes off as just how the chips fall until he realises every time Reid’s next to him, he’s not in the mood to talk. Even if he’d been in the middle of an explanation minutes ago. He’d never notice the pattern if he wasn’t looking for it.

The kid rambles to him on cases, if they end up sent somewhere together, but Derek has to prompt him to get him to share his ideas. And they are good ideas – Reid takes to profiling well. Sure, he’s a little awkward about talking to people but Derek can’t fault him for that.

Whenever he nudges the conversation into something even vaguely personal, Reid deflects – Derek doesn’t push but again, he’s overheard him talking to some of the others and it’s more curiosity than anything else.

(It stings. Just a little. It’s one thing to not be friends, another to avoid him.)

It’s tempting to out and ask Reid if he’s done something, said something wrong. But Derek knows it’d do nothing but force him to clam up: he’d get that deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes even if he masks his facial expressions better, and then they’ll be further than ever from… hell, even acquaintances.

Friends, Derek supposes. Because he’d like to be friends, doesn’t see why they can’t be, and might have ruined his chances accidentally.

Fortunately, he doesn’t have to start that conversation.

“If you’re trying to make a joke, I don’t get it,” Reid says. “You’d be better off trying it on someone else.”

“Joke about what?” Derek asks. He goes back through the last couple of minutes, through details about the case, and comes up blank on what Reid is referring to.

Reid gives him an unimpressed look.

“No, seriously,” Derek says. “I don’t—”

“People always assume I don’t knowI’m unusual,” Reid says, rapid-fire. “I know I’m younger than they expect and I know infodumping is annoying and I know I don’t act as ‘masculine’ as is typically expected. You don’t have to remind me.”

…right.

Yeah, he’s definitely screwed up somewhere.

“I’m sorry for anything I said,” Derek says, “but I honestly don’t know what it was.”

Reid meets his eyes for a moment then looks away. “People do that a lot, too. I’m not sure if you’re joking or not.”

“I’m not,” Derek promises. “I really don’t know.”

This time Reid studies him more intently and he realises how irritated Reid is, his fidgeting more frequent and his eyebrows drawn closer together. Whatever it is, he wants to apologise for it.

“‘Pretty boy’?” Reid says, exasperated.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

“Crap, I didn’t know it made you uncomfortable,” Derek says. There’s a stone right in the pit of his stomach because oh god, this is bad. He knows how awful it feels and he hadn’t even asked, hadn’t stopped to think and of course Reid wouldn’t have corrected him, Reid, the newest member of the team, the youngest, the most inexperienced. “Reid, I’m sorry. I should’ve—”

“Isn’t that the point?” Reid says. “To make me uncomfortable.”

“No,” Derek says immediately. He feels sick. “That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry.”

Reid blinks. “What did you mean?”

“I didn’t really. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a nickname. I should’ve checked.”

“A good nickname?”

“It was meant to be,” Derek says. “That’s my fault, not yours.”

“Oh,” Reid says. “I thought it was meant as an insult.”

He swallows and fuck, he’s really done it, hasn’t he? Reid has every right to avoid him. “It wasn’t. I never asked you if you were okay with it, so I never told you it wasn’t. God, Reid, I really am sorry. I won’t call you it.”

“It isn’t inherently negative,” Reid says. “I… assumed it was. Other people have made similar jokes and did mean it.”

“You don’t have to explain,” Derek says.

“No, I want to,” he says. “You’ve been in high school, you know what it’s like for the queer kids.”

Right.

That just adds a whole new layer of awful.

He’s surprised Reid would want to be in the same room as him.

“Yeah,” he admits.

“When they said ‘pretty boy’ it wasn’t because they liked me.”

“I’m sorry,” Derek says. And it’s so laughably inadequate but what else is there to say?

“I am,” Reid says. “Queer. Bisexual, specifically. Just in case that matters.”

“No, no, that’s cool,” he says. Given the situation, he can’t really blame Reid for checking but it hurts all the same. How easy it would have been to just goddamn ask. “I didn’t mean to imply—”

“You didn’t know about me,” Reid says, “and I didn’t know how you meant it. I don’t think it’s either of our faults.”

Derek would have to disagree there, on account of it being definitely his fault. “I won’t call you it again.”

Reid pauses. “Actually… I don’t think I mind when it’s not them.”

“Reid.”

“What?”

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it, I’m not gonna be mad at you for having boundaries.”

“I do mean it,” Reid says. “I’m not mad either.”

Derek breathes. Long and slow, and the tension in his chest unclenches a little. “Okay, kid, but if I ever make you feel uncomfortable—”

“I will,” Reid promises. “I—kid?”

---

A/N: I hope this doesn't come off as bashing because it absolutely isn't. I love Morgan and I love Reid and this was just a result of the prompt + me thinking about their childhoods. On a lighter note, the most unrealistic part of the show was actually Spencer Reid, an autistic bisexual, ever sitting on a chair correctly. I speak from experience.