#so youve got that going for you...poorly

[energyprison]

We gotta do something about the way dog owners behave. No other pet owner is just bringin the pet wherever the fuck they go all the time but for some reason with dog owners they think its fine if they bring their dog to the gym and taco bell and whatever. And you invite a dog owner to your house where youve got your own pets youve got your dog and your cats and whatever it is you have and this dog owner shows up at your door like "oh i brought my dog i hope thats okay hes so sweet youll love him" and it is always the most untrained poorly behaved agressive animal that has ever lived. And we all have to pretend like its acceptable behaviour well im sick of it

[feelfreetopleasemexo]

First time reader and Bakugo fuck, fluff or full smut upt o you

“Are you sure I look alright? It’s a pretty big night….” You ask Ochaco as she lays on your bed on her tummy, with her legs kicking behind her. You’re standing there showing off your new bra and pants set to her, twisting and turning, trying to feel somewhat comfortable in your skin that now felt like an oversized body bag. You had been umming and ahing between the red set and the yellow one. Ochaco had said that both complimented your lager chest beautifully, but that you needed to pick the set that made you feel the most comfortable.

“Will he even notice the colour? Im sure he’ll love whatever you choose.” She giggles as she watches you bend over slightly and arch your back, then tumble to the floor.

“What if he doesn’t even care, or worse yet, what if he LAUGHS at me? The one and only time I make him laugh and it’s cause im standing there in my undies trying to be sexy. I don’t think I can do this, im too nervous.” You stare into your full length mirror and pick apart your every flaw, as Ochaco sighs and tries to offer words of conformation that you do indeed look hot, he definitely won’t laugh, and that you’ll be absolutely fine.

“Oh crap, it’s 8 o’clock already! You gotta get going, he’s gonna be more pissed than usual if you’re late! Chuck your comfies on and get your ass going cutie! You’ve got this! I think the film ends at 10, so we should all be back around 10.30/11 I think. “ Ochaco had convinced everyone to go out to the movies, which meant you and katsuki could have your first night alone together. You knew you loved your best friend but this….this was marriage material. Every single time you guys had even kissed for too long, someone always had to get one of your attention by knocking on the door, come crashing in, emergencies seemed endless when you two had any alone time together. So this, this meant it was the big night. The night you both finally lost your virginities. No knocking, no random background noises interrupting, no stupid rambling from denki at the end of your bed completely oblivious that katsukis hand was up your shirt….nothing could get in the way. Except maybe your own nerves.

As you hugged her goodbye, she gave you a cheerful look and kissed the top of your head,

“You’ve got this, it’s just Bakugo. He’s not some scary beast, you asked him out after all, what’s more scary than that?!” She giggled, waving goodbye and set off to meet everyone at the entrance, and unraveled her marvellous lie about you being poorly and Bakugo being angry that he had to stay back to take care of you. As you heard her chatting away to everyone, you took a deep breath and knocked on his dorm door.

“Why’re you knocking? Cm’in you idiot.” He shouted from over the top of his drum set. You slowly walked in and saw him finishing up a set on his electric drum set, headphone half off to hear for your knocking. You’d stared at him countless times on his drum set, shirtless, and always fell into a love sick daze as he pounded away, but this time, you felt almost too nervous to even look at him. As he stood up and chucked his headphones ontop of the set, you stood awkwardly in his doorway, stiff and uneasy,

“Whatcha doing weirdo? You look like youve got a stick up your ass. Come ere!” His face angry as always, but you had learnt to decipher his sweetness over time, as he outstretched his arms for a cuddle. You walked over slowly and placed your head on his chest, not in your usual loving embrace which usually nearly knocks him over, but in a very shy, timid way.

“Why you being weird? Scared im gonna fuck you or something now we’re alone or what?” His usual teasing caused a smirk to slap across your face but this time you only let out a small laugh, then buried your head into his chest. Even though his body leaked fiery heat from it, you could feel that your face was even hotter as embarrassment scolded you. He could tell something was bothering you because after all, he always noticed, always kept his eyes on any little shift in you.

“Look, babe, I know Ochaco got everyone to fuck off out so we could be alone, but that doesn’t automatically mean we have to have mad sex across the whole building. If you wanna try it we can, if not we can watch some dumb movies and if you’re good to me, I might even let you do that shitty face mask thing you’re always asking to do….” Your eyes perked up to meet his, relief washed over your body as you kissed the end of his nose. You wanted to have sex, Christ, it was all you could think about anytime his body was even in the same room as you, but now it had actually come to the time, you couldnt think of anything scarier. Hell, you’d even prefer to argue with mr aizawa right now. As he cuddled your head into his chest and stroked your hair, you let out a deep sigh and snuggled into him, squeezing your arms around him like you usually did.

“Right, so, about the fucking….” You bucked back as your cheeks and tops of your ears immediately turned a flushed pink, as he started laughing at you with his stupid low growl. You slapped his chest and walked over to his bed, where you resumed your usual spot, curled up so he could climb in behind you and spoon you. You grabbed the stuffed all might cat teddy you made him keep on his bed and settled in, shifting your ass slightly so you were more comfortable ontop of his duvet, and patted behind you to summon him over. His wiped the sweat from his forehead, turned the music channel on and climbed into his assigned seat. As he cradled his legs around yours and put his arm under your lifted head so you could rest it on his biceps, he lifted your shirt slightly and started tracing swirls on your back. After a few moments, he grabs your hips and pulled them into him slightly, so you could feel his pelvis against your ass, making you suddenly very aware of his dick poking you. Usually when he did this, you’d push your ass back hard, make him jump then turn around and make out with him as he touched himself. This time? You stayed completely still. He pushed his boner into you again, hoping that maybe you didn’t feel it the first time, but again you didn’t move.

“What’s up your ass? You’re acting weird….” He pulls you onto your back and leans over you slightly, terrified to force you into anything, but knowing you needed to look into his eyes so you’d fold and confess your sins to him.

“Okay okay….” You let out a deep sigh and brace yourself, “ im terrified of fucking you. What if I get it wrong? What if you realise your gay, what if I make a weird noise and you end up hating me, what if we start and everyone comes back and bursts through the door and sees us naked together and everyone laughs and I die from embarrassment and you have to tell my family what happened and….” He interrupts your rambling with a soft, passionate kiss. He reaches his hand under your ear slightly and gently rubs the side of your face with his thumb. This always shut you up.

“Listen you idiot. I don’t actually care if we do or not. Don’t get me wrong, I really fucking want to, but not if it’s gotten you acting like this. If we have to wait a year then we have to wait a year, if it happens tonight it happens tonight. Stop being a prick and just go with the flow. Im not going to hurt you, in case you may have forgotten, you’re not the only virgin here….” Suddenly his words calmed you, you had a tendency to get in your own head at the best of times , but this was a whole new level. You breathed him in and decided to let your mind ease. You’d been dating for 6 months and you knew he wasn’t going to push you to do anything you didn’t want to, hell, he made sure you were always the one making the first move. The first kiss, the first undershirt touch, everything.

You decided to let your body tell you what it wanted to do, as you embraced his lips. Soft, delicate lips pressed against yours, he was an aggressive asshole most of the time, but when it came to you, he was nothing but tended, soft, as if his callused hands could shatter you at the lightest squeeze. He wrapped you up in his arms, completely encapsulating you, as you moved your hands from his chest down to his waist band. The deeper you kissed, the harder he pulled you into him. His kisses less controlled and sloppier now, you could feel the heat rising from him, his passion, his excitement. As you reached under his waist band, you could feel his breath grow hotter, felt him start to pant into your open mouth. As you grabbed his dick and started moving your hand in an up and down motion, he bit your lip, letting an excited sigh leave his mouth. He then traced his fingers down your side slowly and reached into your pants, his fingers warm and thick, placing only one to begin with at your entrance. As he glided it in, you winced slightly and he immediately pulled back, almost completely out of your pants. You give him a reassuring chuckle and push your hips slightly back into his hand as he carries on. You start to jerk your hand faster as he thrusts his fingers in and out to match your tempo. You start to pant and arch your back as you feel the sickeningly sweet warmth rise from your stomach. He starts biting at your neck, his canines breaking the skin slightly as he sucked, pulling you closer to him. He pulls your hand away and reaches over you for his bedside draw, pulling out a condom.

“Im not saying we have to use it, I just don’t want to get too carried away and forget okay smart ass.” You laughed and ripped it open with your teeth, staring into his crimson eyes, now wide and slightly intimidated. You pass it to him as he sleeves it onto his throbbing cock, and as he looks back up at you he whispers in his low, gruff voice,

“You sure about this? I don’t wanna do an…”

“Fuck me.” You interrupt abruptly, smirking at him as you bite your bottom lip. That was more than enough for him to throw you under him as he climbed in between your legs, claiming you as his own. As he guides himself to your sopping wet pussy, he hesitates slightly.

“I love you, you damn nerd.”

This was the first time he’d ever said it, and of course he had to try to play it off as an insult. You grab his face and kiss all around it,

“I love you too,” you say between kisses, “now show me why you’re the strongest, the best, why you’re the Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, baby.” As you see a fire ignite behind his eyes, he guided himself into you. You both inhale sharply as he enters slowly, with each inch delving deeper, the harder you both panted. You claw at his back as if pulling him closer to you grounded you in your euphoria. Sweat dripped from his forehead, now pressed against yours, and as it trickled down your temple, you felt your heads almost head butting each others from the motion of his thrusts. He then suddenly stops, a jerking motion as if he’d just pulled his back confused you, until you look at his face and see his eyes clenched shut, his mouth hanging open and quick exhales escape him. Did he just fucking cum? After a few seconds he looks down at you and everts his gaze. He tries his best to carry on thrusting, but with each thrust he winces slightly, so you stop him.

“Baby don….”

“Don’t you dare fucking say it. Give me a minute.” His cheeks flush red under the blonde spikes covering his eyes. You reach your hand up to grab his face as he pulls away and gets off of you. As you sit up slightly he tries to hide the now completely full, almost spilling over condom and mutters that the damn thing must be broken,

“There is no way this is right, how the fuck can it feel that good with this bin bag between us?! I thought it was meant to feel shittier with one of these one…” he scrambles over you to find another, “stay there, maybe i have to try another one,” you can see the frustration and embarrassment beaming off his body as he tries to rectify his poor performance.

“Baby, it’s a compliment. I feel so good you couldnt help but cum? That’s literally the best out come to me.” He sits back, lowering the condom into his lap as he slowly lets his stare meet yours.

“Wait what….dont fuck with me. Don’t try to make me feel better, and if you DARE FUCKING TELL ANYON…” you interrupt him with a kiss, holding his face. His anger dissipates as he sinks slightly into your hands,

“I felt so good you couldnt help yourself….i made the great fucking Bakugo cum after 10 minutes?! I can die a happy woman now.”

“You really think it was 10 minutes….” He softens his gaze, looking to you for comfort and confirmation. Although you knew it was likely a minuet or two, you had to help the poor guy out. You loved to tease him as much as he teased me, but this felt beyond cruel to joke about.

“Im assuming it was a bit longer but, I can’t really be held accountable for my time keeping skills when I’m literally in my element, now can I …” you kiss the end of his nose as a smirk crawls across his face. You pull his head onto your chest as you lay back down, and start to play with his hair as both your panting slowed. He cuddles into your chest with his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into him as if he truly thought that loosening his grip meant you slipped away from him. After a few seconds you heard gentle snores escaping his mouth, and a slick of his dribble creeping slowly onto your side. You laid your head back and laughed to yourself, internally thankful for everything that had lead up to this moment, and how you couldnt WAIT to tell Ochaco exactly what had happened.

[just-a-hooman64]

After Neo Agent 3 defeated Octavio in the crater, he had completely disappeared.

In all honesty the Agent had forgotten about the DJ. He never showed up at any of the Alternan islands. Honestly it was impressive how such a big octopus could vanish without a trace. When Octavio had appeared again in the fight against the bear, the Agent didn't get a chance to glance at him. It was only when they landed back on Earth did they notice the fuzz that was smeared across half of his body. Before they could say anything, the DJ shooed them away as he scuttled to one of the storage crates that scattered the landscape. What a weird guy. When Neo 3 returned to the NEW New Squidbeak Splatoon base, they instantly got bodied with questions from Agent 1 as she shook them back and fourth by the shoulders. With a Dizziness growing in their head, they pointed towards the crate. A large thud emanated from the rectangular vessel when they did, what comical timing. DJ Octavio was in there, and something had happened.

When Callie opened the crate doors, she wouldn't have recognized the Octoling that was sprawled across the ground if she didn't recognize Royal Octarian Emblem that was clearly pinned to the old man's clothes.

Erm.... what the scallop.....

Yall remember that Half Mammalian Octavio design I mentioned... yea.,,,

I'll probably make a proper reference sheet for him soonish since there's a lot about him that are not pictured here, but this was sitting in my files begging to be posted so! Here yall go!

(Ive been super busy recently so I cannot guarantee anything new getting posted SOON soon.. but it'll be soon..)

This whole thing is inspired by Octavio getting completely BODIED by fuzzy ooze when the crater caves in. Unfortunately i do NOT think he would be able to walk that off scott free

Pictured here ^^ (Screenshot is from Jaymoji's Splatton 3 Story Mode video)

That old man got CAKED in the stuff, so I figured this could be something cool to explore. Yes I have a reason why he is no longer perma-swim form, yes I have a reason for his different eyeball, and yes I have a reason for only one of his hands being stained Wasabi green. I'll get around to explaining things--most likely in that aforementioned reference sheet post.

Here is a version without Callie's text and shadow

If youve made it this far nd read everythang,,, thank you !! Octavio has been spinning in my brain for like a full month now and I have had SO many thoughts about him that I can't wait to share! I hope my little drabble wasn't too poorly written lol, I am very rusty to say the least

Without further ado! I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderful day! Stay Freshh!!

[caffeiiine]

haiii soda tell me bout those robloxes you've been into lately!!

HI BASIL!!!!!! okaaay firstly you can blame my friend for dragging me and my other friend into roblox Forsaken roughly 3 weeks ago. My brain has not been the same since. Super long post. I am very invested in this game and its lore.

OKAY!!! So basically the game itself: i dont know if youve ever played roblox, lucky ive been playing since 2017!!!!!! So pretty much its like a typical 'survive the killer' [where you run around one {usually poorly made} map until you get killed or bored. There's no official rounds in these games as they're minimally scripted.] but scripted a lot better, organized into 3-6 minute rounds, and have premade characters to play as–each with different skills and roles. Additionally, some rounds if you collect enough 'malice' you can be the killer and hunt down the rest of the players. Every round you'll either play as a character, or a killer.

The characters themselves are nearly all OCs, or real roblox accounts reimagined as OCs–like C00lkidd or 007n7 for example. Other characters pull from previously popular media or robloxian stereotypes for lack of a better word–like Noob [the little yellow, blue, and green guy usually used to depict the average player], Guest 1337 [via The Last Guest on youtube, a roblox animation movie made by ObliviousHD], and Jason Voorhees [via the Friday the 13th movies. Note: he's obviously not originally from roblox, but he does have a place as being a common killer in the poorly made 'survive the killer' games on the platform, hence his place in game as a playable killer].

Basic lore to the game is as follows: Forsaken is a sort of prison realm ran by the Spectre. They're a god of sorts–atleast I think. I don't think much canon has come out about them as a character, especially because they're unplayable, so I'm not sure about much of their lore stuff. Anyway! The Spectre brings down survivors and killers alike to play matches against each other for presumably their own amusement.

So from here on out I'll be differentiating between characters by referring to playable killers as killers, and playable characters as survivors.

So first off! Killers, admittedly with them is not really where the majority of my attention is focused so this section will be sparse. There are 4 right now, with a 5th about to come out.

Firstly Jason, as he's called in the game, basically is Jason Voorhees from the same movies. His inclusion comes from his place in the 'survive the killer ---' games as I've explained before. His playstyle is best suited for close quarters combat since he doesn't have any ranged attacks, which also makes him best suited for beginners. He's also one of my favorite killers as well as the one I usually play as. <3

Second, there's C00lKidd. He comes from an account of the same name which was just an alt of 007n7. Pretty much he'd go into games like Work at a Pizza Place [Dued1] and Natural Disaster Survival [Stickmasterluke] and exploit with his C00lGui, mess around, play music, etc. There was one time he–or maybe a copycat account now that I think about it–exploited in a game I was in and stuck the image of his avatar everywhere back in June 2018. He has ranged attacks as well as close quarters melee so hes pretty easy-ish to use, I think he has a 3 star difficulty rating? His lore goes like: he's the adopted child of 007n7, found on a doorstep, the usual. He and his father would usually go to places like Builder Brother's Pizza [the official name of the pizza place in Work at a Pizza Place], and mess around with the C00lGui that 007n7 built. They got banned from the place after awhile, and a little ways after that C00lKidd went missing. I think nows a good time to mention that he's canonically 9 or 10, even in the Forsaken realm. It's heavily implied that he died and then was brought down to Forsaken by the Spectre, but nothing is confirmed as far as I know. Usually if you search Forsaken, he or 007n7 will be the first ones you see. On that note, if 007n7 is the last survivor alive during a match, a custom Last Man Standing theme will play: "Plead".

Anyway, back to March 18th, 2017. It was rumored that the John Doe account–an old test account for roblox–would hack everyone and basically wreck the game. Of course, March 18th came to pass with no incident. He was a pretty old urban legend. His playstyle is largely trap based where he can bring up spikes to trap/damage players and set up spots that slow you down and deal damage if you step in them. Other than that, he's able to slash survivors, surprisingly not using his larger arm I just realized. His lore is from my understanding, he got corrupted by old dysfunctional code, forgot his wife, and started killing. I'm not too sure. His wife, Jane Doe is set to be added to the game as a survivor at some point, not much is known past that.

Next up, we have 1x1x1x1, or 1x4 for short. I'll just be calling them by 1x since I cannot be bothered to use all that. In short, they were manifested from Shedletsky's hatred, as in Forsaken lore, and are now devoted to killing him over and over and over again. It's unknown how they were Forsakened. Their origin comes from back when Shedletsky, as in one of the original Roblox admins, used to make backstories for Roblox. 1x's backstory was that he came from the fourth dimension and hated Roblox for being 3D then vowed to destroy it. The account was later taken over by hackers before being deactivated by Roblox. Their playstyle has a lot of faith in the player's ability to finish off kills, as they're very reliant on ranged stun attacks. They're also the slowest killer in the game. Also fun fact! If the last player alive in a match is Shedletsky, then a custom LMS theme will play, "Creation of Hatred".

Then, Noli. He's an upcoming killer whom everyone is very excited for, myself included. He is currently in testing stages!!!!! Not a ton is known about him, nor do I know much about his origin. I think it's an old myth from 2010 about a hacker by the name of Noli? The account has since been deactivated so, not much there. According to what's known, in Forsaken lore he was a previous friend of 007n7 prior to his adoption of C00lkidd. Apparently 007n7 pressured him into taking the Void Star, which is rumored to be what's controlling him in Forsaken alongside the Spectre. For some reason it's not on his model, so I'm not really sure what's going on with that. His playstyle looks like it'll be similar to John Doe?? Probably trap based, but I'm unsure. I really like his voice lines, they do something to my brain.

Finally!!! Azure. ohh Azure. Azure my beloved. OKAY!!! I'm sure you've seen me obsessively post about Azuretime, so this is Azure from Azuretime. Azure is not released right now, nor is he set to release any time soon. Either way I am insanely excited for whenever they release. They were the partner of Two Time within the Spawn cult, where they both resided prior to being Forsakened. Since there's so much stuff already, I'll keep this short as I can. Two Time is implied to be mentally ill as well as have religious delusions exacerbated by the cult they're in. This build up of circumstances led them to sacrifice Azure to the Spawn in order to attain their second life [something that the cult strived for]. We actually do have canon confirmation how Azure got Forsakened!!!! So after he was sacrificed, the Spectre appeared to him in death, taking the form of the Spawn and pretty much guiding them down to the realm of Forsaken. In Forsaken, his mouth is zipped and apparently his hat speaks for him [the hat is implied to be a subset of the Spectre, if i remember correctly, it also controls his thoughts]. Although the hat claims otherwise, Azure as a person without the influence wants Two Time back in their life. He does hold a bit of disdain and betrayal for the sacrifice, but the hat exacerbates that a lot.

[bigdaddyelvislover]

Untitled, Part 1

Elvis fanfiction

I'm still learning how to write good content

You're out for a stroll in your large garden filled with all the fruits and flowers as you desire. You sit down by the brook and watch the water splash and drops jump. You look up at your stone castle, decorated by vines trailing far up, adorning the balcony to your bedroom at the top. Turning back to the brook again, you lift your gaze to the path on the other side going into the lush and tight forest. Its getting boring as normally in your silent but luxurious life. You rise up and jump over the brook, and stroll into the woods. They're large, thick trees, perfect for climbing in and sleeping in. The grass is soft under your thin leather soles. You come to a slightly more open place, where the sun is shining through the leaves and creating a lightshow on the ground. Its peaceful and beautiful. Then you hear rustling. You look around, but dont see anyone. But you can hear where its coming from- your left. You run behind a tree, and watch from there, in case it is a dangerous animal. But still no one to see, only a few faint sounds, that are moving in the direction of the way you came. You hurry to the backside of another tree, and keep following the sound like that, until you come back to the brook by your garden. Then you see it. Its a human you've been following. He comes out of the woods. A young man in his 20s. You stand behind the last large tree and observe him. He has come into your garden, and starts picking the fruit from your trees, gathering many sorts in his large straw basket. He is dressed poorly, in a big light grey linen shirt and brown pants rolled up to his knees. But his figure is much more appealing. His hair is black and soft-looking. His profile is delicate, with long lashes, straight nose, and plump lips. And his bare feet are manly yet elegant.

You keep watching as he moves about by the fruit, occasionally looking around himself to make sure he's unnoticed, plucking apples, figs, lemons, cauliflowers and the largest pumpkin youve got. Then he returns to where he came from out of the forest. You quickly hide yourself behind the tree again, and peek out. He has a slightly miserable look on his face. You watch from your hiding spot as he walks through the woods, and when he's about 50 meters away, you silently follow him, so far behind you can barely tell where he is. You walk for a long time, sometimes thinking you've lost him, but then spotting him again. Then you lose him for good. You dont know if you should run to catch up with him or be careful in case you've gotten closer without knowing. But you keep walking slowly, hiding behind tree to tree until you see something different. Up on a small hill, is something that looks like planks. You climb up the tree, but being cautious so he wont notice you, if he's still near. When you come far enough up, you see houses. Small wooden houses, tightly placed. But it looks empty of life. You keep looking, trying to see through the few windows, but it's dark. Then you suddenly see him, and you quickly jump down to a lower branch to not be seen. He's still carrying his large basket, and he walks from one tiny house to the other, and seems to rummage in there, but it's too dark to see clearly. He comes back out without the food basket. "So that shack might be a pantry?" He goes back into the first house, and stays there for a while. You keep looking in hope that he might reappear. You make yourself more comfortable on the large branches, insistent you want to see what he does. After a long time, he re-emerges, carrying wood and a pot. He puts the wood down on the outdoors fireplace, and lights a fire, and puts the filled pot on top. He goes back into the pantry and brings the cauliflower back to the fireplace and starts cutting it and puts it in the boiling water. "So this is how he cooks?" You keep observing him cooking and eventually eating his soup. Your compassionate heart feels sorry for this stranger. He's alone, sitting on the ground eating food he took from your property, and wearing these poor man clothes. "He looks so sweet". Deep down, you want to bring him to your castle and give him better food and better clothes, but you don't dare to speak to him and let him know you think poorly of him. You so much wish you could help him, but your overthinking gets the better of you.

You carefully make your way down from the tree, feeling sadder than you've felt in a long time. You start your stroll back to your property, thinking about what you can do for him in a discreet way. But then you hear quick footsteps, running, then a voice: "are you watching me?"

Your heart starts beating so hard you think you're gonna pass out. The man you've been spying on has caught you. Too out of yourself to think, you turn around and face him. He looks upset, but not very. But his facial expression changes quickly after you face him. Then he sees: you're the rich girl whose garden he took from. When you see his upset expression changes into a worried one, you understand he might know that you know his secret. You speak: "don't worry, you don't need to pay me. You can take what you need". He goes back to looking miserable like he did the first time you saw him earlier today. He says: "I apologise... I shouldn't have taken anything or come close to your place" Then he turns and begins walking away. But you call out "I wanna help!"

He stops and turns back to you, but doesn't say anything and doesn't change expression. You decide to speak your mind and not worry if he feels insulted. "I feel bad for you. I have all this property and get what I want, and you need to get from others and live in tiny houses and wear dirty baggy clothes! I hate seeing people suffer".

He looks straight down, not wanting to show his face. You continue: "do you have anyone?"

He says in a serious voice while still looking away in shame: "No, its only me".

You feel a pang of sorrow. He looks unbearably miserable; poor and lonely.

You say: "Do you want to visit me? We can eat fat food and I'll give you new clothes."

But his pride, the little he has, has taken a wound. But he knows he should. He finally looks up at you again, and nods. "Follow me", you say, and start walking. He follows after the trail of your silk dress, feeling more like he's gonna get arrested than pampered. Soon you come to your home, the stone castle, which is smaller than most castles, but makes a beautiful scenery. You lead the way up the path in your garden, with tall flowers and bushes on either side, and into the cool shadow of the tower. You walk past the guard with him, who looks unhappy with this poorly dressed stranger, but doesn't say anything, because you're the one in charge. You get the cook to make a big meal for him, and in the meantime, you lead him around the castle, up steep stairs, through hallways made purely out of stone and ligthed with large torches, until you come to a decorated and more cozy room with a large wardrobe. You walk in and find fresh clothes for him; embroidered white cotton pants and shirt, and leather shoes, and tell him to change behind the folding screen. He does so, and you can see a slight shadow moving hurriedly, understanding he doesn't trust you and wants to get dressed before you come and see him.

He has now changed and is sitting by the large table and eating. You observe him. He's eating in a hurry, seemingly hungry. He's so beautiful too. You can't help but stare at his face. His looks are perfect. His eyes are gentle and drowsy, and his cheeks soft-looking and round, stuffed with food. He looks so innocent. "What's your name?" you ask.

"Elvis"

♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡

Part 2 out now. Hopefully it will be better.

[calebwittebane]

i had a dream id gotten conned into becoming a god and proceeded to try and design a world without suffering or pain. i really really struggled with this one. no matter what i did, it seemed like bouncing between endless suffering and highly sheltered sensory deprivation state with all functions for every person reduced to a minimum. eventually the author--it turned out i was in a fictional work, and the author was a sneering cynical asshole who enjoyed seeing me suffer--started mocking me, saying that a real demiurge really in control of things through unlimited possibilities wouldve figured that out, but i'm just a loser who spent a long time being human and therefore my mind has very human limitations. i started arguing with the author, saying that theyd written me this way and have no right to mock me, that despite this attitude they have this clearly is some form of venting theyre doing through art, and they need to take something seriously for once. my limitations are simply a reflection of theirs, and their mockery is their pained wailing in disguise. they were like well i dont like your attitude so because youve decided to be a little bitch about it i will now punish you by making you experience every death that ever happened to anyone and WILL have happened to anyone. so i did. it was awful. the prophetic visions of what sort of carnage famine disease and freak accidents the future has in store for humanity, they were almost as bad as the historical part. reminder: i feel pain in my dreams. anyway once that was done, and it did in fact feel to me like actual centuries were passing, actual centuries of nothing but agony, i told the author they were a vindictive bitch, incapable of comprehending the suffering theyre inflicting. if they ever felt even a fraction of what they dish out without much thought, they would curl up and cry and never do anything again. they told me i just objected to the way i'd sculpted my own consciousness. that to be a human, advanced and philosophy oriented as we are with our proportionally large complex brains, is to reject all inevitability as barbaric. i said that was stupid--humans are still, despite our unique traits, simply part of the animal kingdom, and more broadly made of the same matter as the rest of the universe, a continuous lattice of reactions among many other, a sustained chain that hasn't stopped since the very first instance of reproduction occurred between two organisms. the author just favors the human perspective because theyre biased and write what they know.

then the author felt like doing something petty once more so they decided to put me in a situation where im trying to buy art supplies but my dad is also there undermining everything i say. i said: this wont get to me--author, it seems you dont know me all that well, for buying art supplies was indeed one of the only type of occasion where my dad Would just let me do what i needed to do and would more or less trust i knew what i was doing. the author laughed and said, and yet you were able to summon a version of events where he does act poorly in this context. how cruel and unfair of you, to imagine something so uncharitable. how can you be sure of anything you remember? and i was going to give a reply but things around me started glitching out. people got spaghettified and turned into like. ok imagine a coral reef but its people.

i think i mustve argued with the author about some technical accuracy in their depictions of trains? i got to experience some train crashes as punishment

so yeah im awake now and i dont feel like ive gotten a lot of rest considering i just escaped time prison

[the-real-timeloop-tourney]

i dont get why people have complaints about the brackets. brackets work by getting the characters with the least chance of winning out of the way first, and if the brackets are rigged to keep more niche characters on one side and popular characters on the other, then the final round will just be an insanely anticlimatic battle between sans undertale and mr boston jr from a minecraft roleplay with 20 views. thats an exaggeration, obviously, but my point still stands- brackets arent meant to be done in the first one or two rounds. all the popular characters from big media facing off with the other popular characters from big media at the start is going to end up with a really boring late game, and even mid game. not every game is undertale. if you take undertale and other giant, insanely loved video games and pit all of them against eachother at the start- congrats! youre done with the tournament. its over. sans undertale or adjacent got further than all the other main games in the first three rounds, and now hes going to sweep every small indie game without ever giving them a chance against less beloved/popular characters. theres going to be a few big exciting battles and then 5 in a row where youll go "oh, this guy is facing off sans undertale. hes already beaten all the other characters from much more popular media than the media my blorbo is in, so i guess its over. theres no way to win." as opposed to "oh, my blorbo from this small media is going to have a hard time against this pretty popular character, but we still have a chance!! and id love to be able to follow through with this chance against this pretty beloved character, in hopes that i can say, "my blorbo beat link!!!!" (or whoever it is)".

again, rigging the bracket only serves to make a grand total of 6 matches fun and exciting, and then every other match with the smaller characters and every match after the big ones are over are going to be nothing in comparison. you already know whos won, so why does it matter?

also, dear whoevers wanting to be harsh on a random tumblr user who wasnt even planning on making this into a genuine tournament in the first place and only started to make a gimmik blog and nothing more: why? this isnt their job. this is a fun thing a random person you have most likely never talked to is doing on the side. you dont have to like it. thats ok. but to the people who arent giving constructive critism on how they feel this tournament can be improved, youre saying how dissapointing the tournament is. how poorly run it is. how really, the organizer shouldve done better.

this is a stranger on the internet whos taking the time out of their day to make something fun for others. before you post anything, consider: would you put a comment like this under someones art? someones fic? these people are taking THEIR TIME and THEIR EFFORT to put something out there in hopes that someone out there will enjoy their work, and its not like this tournament is any different. this isnt the blog runners job, you arent paying them for this. they are a random individual trying to make others happy with their work.

dear blog owner, thank you for what youve been doing. the polls have been really enjoyable for me! as a small recommendation, could i ask for the winner to go up against siffrin isat? i know thats not the original plan, but i think a silly little extra poll at the end of the winner of the main poll facing off against him would be really fun to see, expecially to see how many of this blogs followers compare to the original blog, which of course was made up of him and the other guy (who had a difficult to spell name that i sadly cannot remember). no matter if you do that or not, though, thank you so much for running this blog! its been highly enjoyable, and im excited to see where it goes. /gen

Thanks for all the kind words. Don't be too harsh on the people who complained tho. While I did personally find the words a bit harsh, it's clear that was not the intention. I think it's pretty clear that neither of those people hold any ill will about this. I imagine it's just people disappointed that their guy lost (I still think Ángel did amazingly tbh. I may have voted Flowey but I was routing for the Beebites).

As for the Siffrin bonus match, we'll have to see how I feel by the end of the tournament. I feel like the twist I did was funny but I also know that a lot of people had kinda assumed the Sif bonus match was a for-sure thing, and had gotten excited to see it, so part of me doesn't wanna deprive people of that for a gag that (to everyone but me) was kind of an ass-pull. So over the remaining rounds I'll ponder if the satisfaction outweighs the bit.

[choccy-milky]

1. your fic is absolutely amazing. Have been bingeing it and I’m literally obsessed. The way you write just itches my brain in such a good way, literally cannot contain my love and appreciation for your work👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 cheers to you!!! Can’t wait to keep reading

2. As I was reading I found out you also deadass drawing the art to go w/ the fic?? Literally you’re living my dream 😭 plus your art is so so so well done!!!!! It’s added so much joy to my reading experience

Cannot wait to see what else you have in store!!’ Hope you have an amazing, AMAZING day, week, year, etc.!!!! 💞🙌🏻🫶🏻

OMG IM GONNA CRY 😭😭 BAHAHA U SENT THIS AT SUCH A CRAZY MOMENT cuz i just checked my ao3 comments and was down about a rude comment i got, and then i come to tumblr and like, a few mins later/literally AS i was venting about it, u send this BAHAHA your choccy senses were tingling. IM SO GLAD U LIKE IT THO AND THAT YOURE ENJOYING IT (and my drawings, even if youve defs seen spoilers by now BAHHA) hope u have a good day too, u defs brightened mine!! THANK UUUU💖💖💖

@kaviary-blog this looks so funny bc i censored u just to keep it (mostly) spoiler free BUT AW THANK U DAMN IM HONOURED THAT MY FANFIC WAS THE ONE TO MAKE YOU CRY?? IM SO HAPPY HOW INVESTED YOU ARE 😭😭💖💖 im also super happy with that chap and its so satisfying like you said to finally be able to tie of all those threads so IM GLAD IT WAS WORTH IT💖

@lovesicklovermia ONE DAY???? OMG. FIRST TWO DAYS NOW ONE?? ITS JUST GETTING SHORTER AND SHORTER. next thing i know someones gonna be like yeah so i took some highly experimental drug that lets me read at 1000% the pace of a normal person, and i finished ur fic in 2 hours 😍omg loved it!!!😍😍 BAHAHAHA but omg i totally see what u mean, they do HAHA. AND THANK U💖💖 IM GLAD UR LIKING IT💖

YEAH so in my fic fifth years are 16, and by the time things get....explicit....clora and seb are 17. im not against consuming media with teenagers depicted in sexual situations like euphoria or riverdale or w.e else bc i get that its fiction and these are just real things that happen so its fine to write about them, but their canonical ages of 15 was still too young for me and i wanted them to be 17 before it got the E rating (which is why clora and sebs birthdays end up being so close, bc i was RUSHING for them to turn 17 BAHAHHAA)

BAHAHA clora and seb secretly being together is like the most poorly kept secret in my fic, like im sure her parents technically KNOW, but due to old fashioned traditions and whatnot (and it being 1891) seb wants to be able to propose properly and with a proper ring, bc clive is intimidating and he doesnt wanna just be like "yeah so im dating your daughter and weve already fucked and i plan to marry her" LOOL he wants to do things properly and be with her with her dads permission(even tho its a bit late for that HAHA) BUT WE CAN JUST PRETEND. tldr its basically just out of some sense of chivalry on sebs side, a fear of her dad, and wanting to do things right LOL

ALSO WAIT OMG STOPPPPP I WAS LITERALLY JUST ABOUT TO POST THIS BUTI HAVE TO INCLUDE THIS NOW

YOU SAW MY POST AND IMMEDIATELY DREW THIS AS A RESPONSE WHILE IN CLASS?? BAHAHAHA IM ACTUALLY SO TOUCHED RN IM TEARING UP WTF THATS SO SWEET OF YOU WTFFFFFFFFF THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭💖💖 (NOW PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS!!🤬🤬)

[dipplinduo]

I have no idea what you have planned in your devious little mind (compliment), but i have a fluffy image that I like to HC happens after the regular DLC story and lowkey hoping itd fit after whatever the heucking angsty shenanigans youve got planned.

Basically, like right after the climax of ID but before Keiran and Carmine go have a break, ornin SSD's case sometime after Peachy-runt is booted to the moon, Keiran's out sitting out in the Terrarium. Hes feeling guilty and selfshamey, dosnt really know what to do, is just wallowing.

By coincidence, Juliana is out in the Terarium conviniently nearby, probably having a picnic bc part of this idea relys on her pokemon being out, but she hasnt noticed Kerian presence yet. Idk, hes on the other side of a small hill, he foind a lil spot where its intentionally hard to see him, hes just not in Jules' eyeline, whateber reason, she dosnt see him from where shes making sandwiches. But one of her Pokemon dose see him.

Ogerpon.

Now, I may be projecting, but after what shes been through Id suspect Ogerpon is pretty good at reading someone's emotional state based off of body language. And she get to just stare at Keiran for a while, and is able to get a better read on the kid rather than 'lowkey obsessed guy who took the answer of No poorly'.

Keiran is spaced out, trying to process everything that happened, when he feels a gentle weight on his side. Ogerpon has come up, sat down, and is leaning against his shoulder bc she recognises that this kid needs to be grounded to help fight the thoughts. Even if shes still not a fan of him, she recognises that noone should fight those kinds of things alone. So she sits with him as he starts to shed tears.

(Ok im defo projecting, but moving on,)

That scene is the main bit of fluff i like to hc, but its could also continue to Jules' other pokemon take note that Ogerpon has wandered off, sees Keiran too. And they all make their way over one by one as Jules is still making sandwiches (either shes not getting the effect she wanted and starting over, she is meticulusly placing ingredients, or is actually making enough for all of her pokemon to have one)

By the time Jules is done with the sandwich, all of her pokemon are gone (except Koridon/Miridon bc they focused on Sammich), and she finally moves and sees them all huddled around something.

She approches and gets pulled into the cuddle pile on the other side of Keiran, who is now silently crying due to overwhelm, he did not expect this level of care from her pokemon and is able to get a bit of cathartic realease rather than bottling it all up.

Im imagaining it like an animation, and it closes out with Jules taking Keirans hand and squeezing it as she leans more into his shoulder, showing her own quiet support.

God this is some good fluff, projection or no. Immaculately good.

I promise I'm gonna do ya good with end end ending/epilogue.

[shizunitis]

Whats the worst SV take youve seen?

this has turned into something entirely too long, and the subject kind of got away from me, so i’m adding a cut. yapping king of shizun city, you understand. anyway:

a rather demoralising and shocking opinion i saw, when i first got into the fandom (having just finished reading and letting the story stew in my brain for a while) was the “luo binghe is selfish and hysterical”. two other ones which kind of baffled me were, “shen qingqiu is clearly stupid and short-sighted” and “shen qingqiu isn’t attrated to binghe.” and there were some rather callous comments about shen yuan’s internalised homophobia that i like to think were just worded poorly and i was being overly-sensitive at the time.

i never got into discussions over fandom wank, cause it’s a waste of time and energy and a brand of silly i don’t enjoy, but it was kind of like getting cold ice thrown over my head for no reason.

why couldn’t they understand who these characters fundamentally are? why was it so hard to empathise with the choices these characters made?

i suppose the main things is, i don’t really understand why one wouldn’t even attempt to see things from the characters’ perspectives, mostly. that’s what i usually try to do, and it was a bit of a culture shock to see how some people online engage with media.

like, isn’t that the point? to see characters different from us try to navigate their version of the world? to empathise? why do we have to be so cruel even when engaging with fantasy? why fight tooth and nail to bend the characters this way and that, just so it’s more palatable, so it fits certain tropes, so it’s more relatable? do you have to see yourself in something to appreciate it? i mean, yeah, kind of, i guess. but. at times, it feels like people are trying to distance themselves from the art they’re enjoying because one thing didn’t cater to them. if that makes sense. i hope it does.

just. why comment, with your real fingers, and project onto my real screen, vitriol for a character who 1) is not real, 2) cannot hurt you and 3) you clearly don’t care to explore and understand in good faith? why are you here if it doesn’t serve you? isn’t that just sucking the joy out of everything? you can always let it go?

“internet etiquette” is a weird term to me because i’m weird, but it does make things easier when you’re polite and curious rather than. whatever some people are doing. et cetera.

admittedly, that’s more of a me probably not understanding something. that’s always a very real possibility, and i can be uncharitable at times, especially when i’m tired. alas, it’s my blog, i very rarely am not tired, and i’m too many words deep to stop at this point. i get to complain how i want.

back to the main point: both luo binghe and shen qingqiu are characters that were written very well, and clearly have a lot of soul and thought put into them. their motivations are not hard to figure out. (especially in binghe’s case, but shizun’s aren’t that difficult to parse if you think for a bit.)

the comments weren’t especially vicious, save for some outliers which i suspect had more of a personal bias, and i did manage to eventually find my way to a corner of fandom that can, in fact, read. but i do wonder, sometimes, how some of these people would react to the actually toxic, one-dimensional yaoi filth i read.

just. you are reading a master-disciple fantasy romance, in the end. being shocked and horrified when the master-disciple fantasy romance has master-disciple fantasy romance tropes in it is a bit silly.

anyway. i hope the first people i encountered in the svsss/danmei fandom are well, and that they’ve since started reading/watching works with characters they enjoy seeing, rather than powering through something they clearly don’t resonate with.

also, that they’ve learned to be nicer, maybe. that would be good. would help them, i’d like to think.

i’m sorry if this was not a good answer anon, but you understand, surely. i’m very small and very new to things. trying to figure them out. thank you for the vent material

[c0nn0r-c0nn0r13]

Part 3 for my poorly explained crack au

(Also for anyone seeing the shitshow going down on twitter i do NOT support dream at all and everyone in is au is the character version and not the content creator)

How tall/short are they:

Sakura: 8’7” (orc/goblin hybrid) (orc dominant dna so very tall)

Tommy: 6’1” (imp) (stunted growth because of not getting enough food in exile)

Tim: 6’5” (elf) (average elf hight)

Joel: 11’0” (god) (not much else to say here)

Jimmy: 4’3” (human-toy) (‘i am not a toy!’ Short)

Lizzy: 5’3” (cat) (on the shorter side of cats)

Hair:

Now hair is very important to me

I like yapping about it ‘hair holds memories’

Very important to me

Tommy: hair grew out in exile, just below the shoulders, scruffy, never properly brushed, short braid he keeps tucked under his hair to remember techno, patchy pink and red hair dye in strands

Tim: he has a mullet, fight me, he dyes strands lots of different colours, used to do purple yellow or blue, now mainly does yellow and pink now, two braids at the front because he grew his bangs out a lot

Sakura: grew her hair put a lot because cutting it was for team 7 and she no longer wants anything to do with them, her hair got very so she keeps it in two braids, (imagine jinx braids or somethin) goes to her ankles when tied up, dyes strands of her hair yellow and red

Eyes:

Tommy: blind in one eye because of dream, obnoxiously bright weezer blue eyes

Tim: needs glasses DESPERATELY, also obnoxiously bright weezer blue

Sakura: 20/20 vision, heals all damage done to her eyes, the most green green eyes youve ever seen

Who their staying with:

Tim-Joel (i thought it would be funny lol)

Tommy-Jimmy

Sakura-Lizzy

Things that have been overhead by the adults:

“-tried clone my head best friend after he died… which could mean nothing” - Tim

“-got blown up. Twice. You think they’d stop rebuilding after that, but as the song goes “with weakened hands, and bloodied knees. Out people rise like the phoenix’. If only my dead brother would also rise like the phoenix.” - Tommy

“-betrayed me, both left the village, and my teach fucked off to gods knows where, so i punched a mans dick off. Those are surprisingly not related” - sakura

Other:

Tim: racoon bitches

Tommy: racoon bitches

Sakura: racoon bitches

(Again none of them are racoons)

[spiribia]

Spiribia I love you always. Would you personally suggest someone to watch dungeon meshi or read dungeon meshi

i'm very biased toward the manga currently which is something i should put out on the table first, my experience with the anime is filtered through the lens of "do i like how they did this part from this manga", so my expectations for the anime at this point are "can it do justice to the source material" rather than Will it be better, which i think is probably the philosophy for fans behind a lot of adaptations. i don't think the anime adapts the manga poorly or unfaithfully, but because of its task of fitting an existing story into a limited amount of fully animated episodes of uniform length coming out at a specific schedule the pacing can feel a little bit jankier to me at times. i enjoy dungeon meshis worldbuilding and it has a lot of little interesting factoids and diagrams that you can take time as a reader to dwell on as tangents in the manga that they may gloss over very quickly if at all in the anime in the interest of time. this also might just be my overall impression because the anime hasn't adapted far enough that i've seen the transition where the plot really kicks in or some of the parts where dungeon meshi gets super compelling to me - i dont know yet how the anime will handle my most 'youve GOT to see dungeon meshi' parts of the manga. the rest is just more preferential stuff on my behalf. the anime can hit pretty 1:1 notes scriptwise to what is written, and while i dont personally feel the majority of the visual animation itself lends something life-altering to this story most of the time, i do think some of the full animation sequences are a real treat to look at, and i enjoy what they did with chilchuck in particular for some reason. i dont think youd 'err' too badly as a viewer by going the anime route if that's what clicks best with you. also in the anime english dub if you happen to watch that senshi seems to say stuff like 'work that sucker' multiple times and i just want to tell you thats not ttrue.

[hogfetish]

would love 2 know (🫰7 , 💌 8 , ❤️‍🔥1 ) ^_^ for fishhook

🫰7 - If you were to build a mini playlist to associate with your f/o, what 3 songs would you include? What songs would your f/o think to use for you?

oh my god. only three? let me think. songs i associate with him..  every song ever.... hm. i guess if i was gonna name songs that i think describe fishes attitude towards him, i'd pick...

feelings of love - the obvious (A LOVE PURE AND DEVOUT / WHAT BULLSHIT)

hertz - amyl and the sniffers (TAKE ME TO THE BEACH, TAKE ME TO THE COUNTRY, CLIMB IN THE BACKSEAT IF YOU LOVE ME)

animal - sir chloe (I'LL ASK POLITELY, GIVE ME WHAT I WANT, MAKE ME BEHAVE LIKE AN ANIMAL)

and three that are for how he sees fish...

the only thing i know - the mountain goats (HOW MUCH DO I LOVE YOU? WELL, YOU KNOW YOU'RE DYING. AND I KNOW YOU'RE DYING TOO.)

a pearl - mitski (YOU'RE GROWING TIRED OF ME, AND ALL THE THINGS I DON'T TALK ABOUT // I'M SORRY I CAN'T TAKE YOUR TOUCH, IT'S JUST THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH A WAR AND NOBODY TOLD ME IT ENDED)

my heart goes bum bum bum - flatsound (YOU'RE THE THOUGHTS THAT I FEAR, YOU'RE THE MOUNTAINS I'VE CONQUERED, IF I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU WOULD YOU REACH OUT AND TOUCH ME? YOU TASTE LIKE THE OCEAN AND YOUR BODY'S DISGUSTING)

this is so hard but im trying to be concise and cohesive. fishs are all upbeat songs about desperately needing love from someone who probably fucking hates you and hogs are all slow angsty songs about trying to love someone who makes you disgusted with yourself. i could do a sappier version of these that are actually about them Being In Love and stuff but oh my god i make so many posts about their playlist you guys MUST be sick of it by now.

💌8 - What about those more unpleasant "firsts"? First argument? First time seeing the other cry? First time breaking up if y'all are messy?

first argument i actually literally have a whole comic scripted out somewhere about, the gist of it is that ants parents find out that they uhh dropped out of uni to do a technical terrorism with their boyfriend and freak out and insist they come home and get their shit together and theyre like come on man can you believe this shit and mako is like well. maybe theyre kind of right. and it gets SUPER messy and extremely personal because annie has never been able to let anything go and they have a good eye for other peoples insecurities and they know exactly how to needle him. and mako has some poorly-controlled anger issues and a lot of shame about everything hes ever done or said and in general is just a weak person emotionally and a strong person physically. so really all it takes is a couple of jabs about how he sees them as old enough to fuck but too young to date and suddenly walls are being punched and people are storming out and driving off. luckily theyre both still in the part of their lives where they can say sorry to another person so they do figure that out.

i dont think mako cries super easily like ever so genuinely i think the first time they actually see him cry would be during sex in the wasteland era. starts as a pain response but its just been so fucking long that he cant stop and suddenly its an Everything Response. on the other hand i think annie is an angry crier so hes probably seen them cry a good number of times and it wigs him out every time. he doesnt know what to Do.

first breakup is um. the Big One. accidentially nuke 1/2 your country and then he drives off into the night and all youve got to remember him by is a dogshit note and severe radiation poisoning. beautiful.

❤️‍🔥1 - What kind of dynamics do you engage in when it comes to intimacy? How important is it to your relationship? Is it intense, or kept lighthearted and fun?

there really arent strict rules for them, theyve probably done it every way possible, but the standard kind of evolves over time. when theyre young annie tends to kind of be the director, theyre more experienced and know exactly what they want from him, though they tend to encourage him to be the Boss and go harder with it, and then when theyre wasteland on-offing it they tend to fight each other for control which usually ends with fish on the bottom getting their ass handed to them, and then when things mellow out and they fall into a smoother rhythm it gets less intense emotionally speaking but a lot freakier. and i think as hog gets older especially and he fucks people who Arent Fish he kind of learns that he prefers to be kind of a subby bottom and i think w rat he is the spoiled little princess of that dynamic (which i imagine to be a bit stricter on the d/s stuff) which sort of bleeds over to how he is with fish, and theyre more than happy to be in charge though again theyre a lot looser with it and they both definetly prefer to not make it easy for each other. i think as they get older and more stable in the relationship it gets a lot more openly affectionate and sweet, theyre less mean to each other and more teasing, especially from fish who takes great pleasure in embarrassing hog just by complimenting him too much. oh also i dont know if youve gathered but it is Extremely Important. there are periods where if they didnt love fucking each other so much they probably wouldve straight murdered each other. fishgirl dick is just that good i guess.

[galacticnova3]

no idea what ick your askbox has been filled with so how about you tell us abt reloh

the mimics youve explained your thought process behind their creation but idk if youve explained reloh from that angle

Delicious. Finally some good fucking ask.

Reloh doesn’t really have a lot to him, in terms of why I made him originally. For starters he was a Miiverse oc I made during, like, middle school— actually the icon I have his tupper set to on Discord is from there! Here’s that plus the other two surviving original Miiverse Reloh images.

You can kinda(barely) see how his current design differs from the original with that last one, being more simplified and also not just directly copying Nova’s pocket watch design. Anyways, originally he was gonna be an evil Dark Matter who could manipulate time and not the neutral/good just some guy he is now, but that idea didn’t stick because it wasn’t something I was ever really able to do anything with in rp; people would have considered it godmodding. From there I shifted to trying to give him a (very poorly written) tragic backstory that I don’t remember anything about other than that he had two kids and a wife that died?? I don’t think I even made them actual characters, they were literally just unnamed dead family members trope, because again I was in middle school(maybe early highschool by that point) and my writing skills reflected that.

When I joined Tumblr I made a lot of changes to him as a character(for example making him no longer a villain or chronomancer) and he became closer to what he is now. At first it was just a one-off coffee shop au joke back when those were The AU To Make(and because I saw a place called Edge Coffee House and thought that was hilarious), but then it ended up becoming an actual thing for reasons I don’t remember. I’ve forgotten a lot of the details besides the fact that the shop wasn’t even his, it was his SO’s(yeah was unfortunately still trying to force that) who mysteriously disappeared in a fire, and he tried to take over for them and failed. Absolutely wild. Over time I discovered what asexuality and aromanticism are, realized making him ace/aro would suit his character better, and started trying to make him a little less of a generic “ok but what if there was a good guy in the evil group”. It was also around that time that I got fed up trying to draw his mechanical hands and opted to just give him the sort that lots of other folks give to their matters.

The way I would describe his character and how I tend to try and write him now is that he’s not really a “good guy”, in the sense that becoming good was never his goal or even something he’d actively thought about. He didn’t want to be good, he just wanted to control his own life. At first he thought he accomplished that when joining(or more accurately being semi-willingly abducted by and subsequently made a member of) a group of criminals who doubled as mercenaries or hired killers. He didn’t quit and go on the run out of any real sense of guilt(at the time) or moral reason, he realized that he was basically just doing exactly what he’d done under Zero for a different master. He wasn’t living his own life, he was just doing what someone else told him to do, day in and day out, and he’d been doing it because he thought he owed them for taking him in and teaching him stuff. He didn’t even know the full extent to which his boss didn’t see him as a person so much as an obedient attack dog that’d kill and die for them as commanded so long as he recognized them as his master, but he started picking up on the fact that he wasn’t being treated like the others, and then the realization clicked. So he left, stole something he thought looked cool on the way out not knowing what it was(yaaay fucked up watch pendant thing), and went on the run until he felt like he wasn’t gonna be hunted down anymore. He just wanted to leave that part of his life behind entirely, to the point that he never even reached out to authorities or anything. He didn’t care about all that, and why would he? What had anyone else ever done for him that didn’t come at a high price? Why do the right thing if people only ever focus on the times you did the wrong thing?

Nowadays he’s kinda come to regret that; he’s had more exposure to Normal Fucking People who don’t immediately go torches and pitchforks on his ass when they learn what he is, so it’s harder to generalize everyone as “people who would attack me and people who would attack others AND me”. But he’ll probably never choose to actually talk about any of it to anyone if he never has to. Not only because it’d be unpleasant to think about, but also, generally speaking, people don’t usually love learning you have a body count, let alone one that’s possibly in the double digits depending on how you count assists. It’s just not the kind of information that improves things, y’know? Keeping it to yourself is just easier. In other words the guy’s still pretty focused on his own self-interest for the most part, even if he has the capacity to recognize and act in the interest of others. His choices really are mostly just to make his own life easier.

I still need to think of a better explanation for how he met Loa and how/why the two ended up hitting it off in the “>Hey I’m bored and you’re homeless we can kill two birds with one stone” “Oh shit fr?” way, too. It started as a joke but I’ve realized it’d be a good direction for both of them to go in character-wise. Plus it’d be fun to have Lor, Roa, and Loa all approach their pilot situations differently. Lor has Magolor be hers even if just in a mostly nominal sense. Roa has nobody at all and chooses to live alone of her own accord, mostly out of paranoia. Loa has no pilot but also doesn’t want to be alone(even if she totally could live by herself and be totally fine and everything and is definitely not in denial) and figured “hey this guy can help me care for these space lizards I adopted temporarily as a temporary affair seeing as they were temporarily not going to survive on that very temporary landmass in Another Dimension and no the fact that I named them all means nothing I definitely didn’t get attached- why are people tagging this as found family stop it”. Also her and Reloh just have a lot of chemistry and writing them together is fun. Boat who can come off as aggressive and way too willing to use violence to solve problems, just some guy who is really chill and has also killed enough people to staff a full crew on said boat and still have a few passengers left over, and their weird little magical winged lizards from space that get ice everywhere and love to eat fruit.

I think I went on a bit of a tangent but I think I answered your question in there somewhere. Hopefully. I have not been operating at optimal mental capacity for the last few days on account of medical issues and lack of sleep.

Here’s more Relohs

[pesterloglog]

Karkat Vantas, Jade Harley, Dave Strider

Act 5, page 2852

CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

CCG: HEY FUTURE ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS EXPLODED JADEBOT BUSINESS?

CCG: MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY MISSION CRITICAL, OR JADE WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED GETTING IN TOUCH WITH US, RIGHT?

CCG: SOMETHING IMPERATIVE TO OUR SURVIVAL NO DOUBT?

CCG: HEY DOUCHE BAG, ARE YOU THERE

??? gardenGnostic [?GG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.

?GG: oh jeez, why am i doing this

?GG: this is so stupid!

CCG: PIPE DOWN HARLEY, THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN'T EVEN CONCERN YOU AT THIS POINT

?GG: bluhhh youre so funny!!!!!

CCG: NOTHING TO SAY, FUTURE ME?

CCG: NOT EVEN A FEW PARTING WORDS OF SCORN FOR ME OR THE NARCOLEPTIC IDIOT?

CCG: IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE'VE SPARRED, HOW I'VE MISSED THE SWEET STING OF YOUR BARBS

?GG: are you enjoying yourself karkat?

CCG: HAHAHA YOU ARE SO DUMB YOU ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS A RUSE.

CCG: YOU'VE COME ALL THIS WAY AND YOU STILL DON'T GET THAT ALL THE SHIT WE'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT IS REAL.

CCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE PULLING A STUNT LIKE THIS, WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.

CCG: I REALLY AM TALKING TO FUTURE ME, HE'S JUST BEING AN EVASIVE TOOL.

?GG: well obviously i know some things youve said are true

?GG: its just hard to take everything at face value when youre always so nasty!

CCG: YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY AMAZING HOW BEHIND THE TIMES YOU ARE.

CCG: IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU'VE SLEPT THROUGH THIS WHOLE ADVENTURE

CCG: OH WAIT, THAT IS ESSENTIALLY TRUE.

CCG: IT WAS HILARIOUS WATCHING YOU GROW UP.

CCG: YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ALL THE ANSWERS, FROLICKING ALL OVER YOUR ISLAND BEING INFURIATINGLY CHIPPER, BUILDING ROBO-BUNNIES LIKE A MORON AND ULTIMATELY RUINING EVERYTHING.

CCG: YOU WERE SO SURE YOUR DREAMS TOLD YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED TO KNOW.

CCG: AND NOW LOOK AT YOU

CCG: YOU SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT.

?GG: ok i understand that you are another group of players and you are in some sort of trouble

?GG: but maybe if you had been nice to me instead of terrorizing me all those years i would have believed you

?GG: and we could have worked together to solve your problems as well as ours

?GG: it just makes me sad to think thats probably impossible now because you are so angry and stubborn!

CCG: DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I'M ANGRY AND STUBBORN.

CCG: I FUCKING KNOW WHAT THOSE ASSETS MAKE POSSIBLE.

CCG: THEY MADE YOU POSSIBLE, GOT IT???

?GG: uh huh

CCG: DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE GRACED BY MY DIVINE FURY?

CCG: TO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF GETTING TO BE STUDIED AND MOCKED BY ME FOR YOUR WHOLE PATHETIC MISERABLE LIFE?

CCG: DO YOU REALIZE I'M YOUR GOD? YES, YOUR LITERAL GOD, THAT'S RIGHT.

?GG: sure karkat, whatever you say!

CCG: AND I HAVE TAKEN TIME OUT OF MY BUSY GODLY SCHEDULE TO SCRUTINIZE YOUR POINTLESS EXISTENCE.

CCG: OUT OF THE COUNTLESS TRILLIONS OF LIFE FORMS I BROUGHT INTO REALITY THROUGH ANGRY GRUBFUCK POWER ALONE, I HAVE SELECTED YOU FOR EXAMINATION AND HARASSMENT.

CCG: PERSONALLY I THINK THAT WARRANTS A LITTLE GRATITUDE, AND JUST MAYBE, A BIT OF DEFERENCE.

CCG: A CURTSY, PERHAPS?

CCG: BUT YEAH GO AHEAD AND KEEP BLOWING ME OFF LIKE THE FLAKEY LITTLE TWERP YOU ARE.

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.

FCG: HEY DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT YOU UNCOUTH PIECE OF SHIT.

FCG: THIS IS REFLECTING POORLY ON BOTH OF US, IT'S GODDAMNED EMBARRASSING.

CCG: OH WOW, ANOTHER MIRACLE.

CCG: IT MUST BE PERIGEES EVE, BECAUSE GET A LOAD OF THIS HUGE BEHEMOTH LEAVING THAT JUST GOT DRAGGED IN.

CCG: JADE, OUR DUTY IS CLEAR. WE MUST DECK THIS TURD TO THE NINES.

FCG: OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS A CLEVER THING TO SAY. WHAT A DIPSHIT.

?GG: aaauugh what the hell!!!

FCG: JADE, I'M SORRY ABOUT PAST ME'S RETARDED BEHAVIOR.

FCG: I'M NOT GOING TO DRAG OUT A HUGE APOLOGY OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I ALREADY APOLOGIZED IN AN EARLIER CONVERSATION, OK. I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW.

CCG: GOD DAMMIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

CCG: I MEAN, AM I SERIOUS?????

CCG: WILL I BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT. WILL I REALLY BACK DOWN LIKE A LIMP FRONDED STOOGE? PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING.

FCG: PLEASE, JUST

FCG: SHUT UP

FCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT FUTURE ME WAS THE STUPID ONE

FCG: PAST ME IS THE DUMBEST BUCKET OF FESTERING DISCHARGE I EVER FELL ASS BACKWARDS INTO.

FCG: COME ON, YOU KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE. REMEMBER ALL THE PAST USSES WE USED TO TALK TO??

FCG: THEY WERE EVEN PASTER THAN YOU, AND THEREFORE DUMBER.

CCG: YEAH, I REMEMBER ALL THOSE DUMBSHIT PAST USSES, BUT THEY DON'T HOLD A FUCKING JACKASS CANDLE TO FUTURE USSES.

CCG: AND YOU'RE THE FUTUREST ME I EVER HAD THE CROTCH BLISTERING MISFORTUNE OF JAWING WITH, SO THE FUCKHEAD TROPHY GOES TO YOU.

CCG: I MEAN, MY GOD, WHY.

CCG: IS PROXIMITY TO THAT NASTY LOOKING SPACETIME RIP ON THE TIMELINE MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD?

CCG: IS THAT WHAT'S CAUSING YOU TO FEEL PITY FOR THIS IMBECILE?

FCG: LOOK, JADE'S NOT THAT BAD OK.

FCG: YOU JUST GOT TOO WORKED UP, AND YOU CAN'T SEE THAT.

FCG: AND NOW ALL THIS FROTHING PANDEMONIUM JUMPING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS JUST RIDICULOUS OVERCOMPENSATION FOR YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS AND MISTAKES, AND MASKING SOME FEELINGS YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN TOUCH WITH.

FCG: THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS, I'M FLUSHING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER IN EMBARRASSMENT HAVING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, AND EVEN WORSE, REMEMBERING HAVING IT EXPLAINED TO ME BY THE SMART ONE THREE HOURS AGO AND STILL ACTING LIKE A MOIST GLOBE EVEN AFTER BEING SO SOUNDLY SCHOOLFED.

CCG: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE.

FCG: YOU SAID SO YOURSELF, WE DON'T JOKE AROUND. IT'S JUVENILE, REMEMBER.

CCG: I'M GOING TO VOMIT.

CCG: I'M MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO SLAP MYSELF THREE HOURS FROM NOW, FOR BEING ENOUGH OF A SAP TO START DEVELOPING RED FEELINGS FOR A DUMB ANNOYING HUMAN, IF I'M READING BETWEEN THE LINES CORRECTLY.

FCG: I JUST SLAPPED MYSELF! I REMEMBERED MY LAME NOTE TO MYSELF FROM THREE HOURS AGO, AND THEN SLAPPED MYSELF SPECIFICALLY TO MOCK YOU.

FCG: IT STINGS TOO, YOU'LL FEEL IT IN A WHILE. AND THEN THE GHOST OF PAST ME WILL CRY.

FCG: PAST ME DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. HE'S A STUPID BAWLING WIGGLER PHANTOM. HE'S DEAD, NOT A REAL GUY ANYMORE, LIKE ME.

FCG: I'M THE REAL ONE. YOU'RE FAKE, A SHADOW OF A SAD MEMORY THAT PISSED ITS PANTS WHILE SCREAMING.

FCG: TIME TO DEAL WITH IT.

CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.

FCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.

FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.

CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.

?GG: i cant take this anymore!!!!!!!!

?GG: i dont even know what im reading here but its preposterous and ive had it!

?GG: i am just so angry, i cant believe i let you push me around all those years

?GG: you are completely out of your mind, i was too nice by just blocking you and typing frowny faces and stuff

?GG: i should have let you HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FCG: YES!!!!!

FCG: LET THIS FUCKER KNOW THE SCORE JADE. THIS IS HOW WE ROLL.

?GG: SHUT UP!!!!!!!

?GG: future karkat, if you really are future karkat......

?GG: where do you get off thinking you can just suddenly act like were pals because you said you apologized????

?GG: if you want to apologize then great i am all ears! but just mentioning it off hand and then yelling at yourself the same way you yell at me all the time as if i need a knight to come save me from yourself is so lame, not to mention completely insane

?GG: i cant even believe the things im typing here! this is so stupid, talking to two of you at once is the worst thing imaginable

?GG: you treat everyone horribly, even yourself, i cant even fathom how awful it is to be you

?GG: past karkat, youre acting like a bigger jerk than he is and i think you know that! why dont you take his advice and grow up

?GG: as if theres even a real difference between you two. three hours is hardly any time at all, you are the same person YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!

CCG: OH SHIT

FCG: YES, THAT WAS GREAT. WE BOTH HAD IT COMING, ESPECIALLY HIM. GREAT WORK JADE.

?GG: stop it!!!!

?GG: ugh, i dont know whats worse, jerk karkat or goofy sycophant karkat

?GG: i cant stand it, whether youre trying to be nice or just being a crazy asshole, you are just so weird!!!

?GG: im through humoring you, i dont even care about this stupid exploded robot mission, whatever that was

FCG: OH RIGHT, ABOUT THAT

FCG: YEAH WE NEED TO TALK

FCG: I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

FCG: BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY SOON, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR SESSION

FCG: SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO, THEN JUST HIT ME UP, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT

?GG: hahaha, FAT CHANCE!!!!

FCG: LOOK I KNOW THINGS ARE WEIRD BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD.

FCG: ESPECIALLY AT THAT LOSER.

FCG: BUT THINGS WILL CHANGE, IN TIME YOU'LL SEE I'M NOT QUITE SO AWFUL, OK?

??? turntechGodhead [?TG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.

?TG: ahahahahah oh god

?TG: dude i cant believe you were just getting on our case about hitting on the troll girls

?TG: and then literally the very next memo you are slobbering all over jade

?TG: thats just perfect hahahaha

CCG banned ?TG: from responding to memo.

FCG rebanned ?TG: from responding to memo.

?GG: dave wait dont go!

?GG: youve got to save me from this insanity :(

FCG: OH I SEE, NOW YOU COULD USE A KNIGHT, HOW VERY INTERESTING, HMMM.

FCG: GOD I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO BE FUTURE YOU, SLIGHTLY LESS FUTURE YOU IS SUCH A GOD DAMN PILL

?GG: i cant wait for future you to future kiss my ass!

CCG: YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

?GG: i also cant wait for past you to past drop dead and go to hell, PAST TENSE!!!!!!!!

?GG: when are those things going to happen?? or will have already past/future happened?????

?GG: i want to put another reminder on my finger so i know when its time to throw a party!!!!

FCG: HAHAHAHA, YOU HEAR THAT YOU OBSOLETE PILE OF GARBAGE? JADE JUST FLIPPED YOU OFF WITH A COLORFUL FINGER.

CCG: MAN, SHE OBVIOUSLY HATES YOU MORE. SHE CALLED YOU A SYCOPHANT WHICH IS A HUNDRED TIMES MORE DESCRIPTIVELY WORSE THAN JUST BEING A RUN OF THE MILL SCUMBAG LIKE ME.

CCG: SHE IS TOTALLY ON TO YOU AND HOW DESPICABLE YOU'VE BECOME, CAN YOU BLAME HER FOR HATING US?

FCG: NO, I CAN BLAME YOU, YOU'RE THE ONE WITH NO MANNERS WHO'S ALL TWISTED UP INSIDE.

FCG: HOW'S THIS FOR A PACT, EVERYBODY.

FCG: PAST KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO PAST JADE FROM NOW ON, AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BICKER LIKE SHITTY LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HOURS/YEARS RESPECTIVELY.

FCG: AND FUTURE KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO FUTURE JADE, AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN ONLY INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO CIVILIZED, MATURE, GROWN ASSED ADULTS.

FCG: IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??????

?GG: jesus will you just ban me already????

?GG: my head hurts so bad now i think im going to cry

FCG: MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST BAN HER ALREADY AND END THIS TORMENT SINCE YOU DRAGGED HER INTO THIS.

CCG: FUCK THAT YOU BAN HER. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SEEMS TO "CARE".

FCG: WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, MAN THE FUCK UP, AND BAN THIS POOR GIRL ALREADY?

?GG: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa XO

?GG: i will just ban myself!!!!

?GG: *JADE HARLEY BANNED HERSELF FROM RESPONDING TO THE GRUMPY SHIT HEAD MISERY ZONE, AND IS NEVER COMING BACK*

?GG: pchoooooooooooooooo

[?GG] ceased responding to memo.

FCG: OK, THERE. SHE'S GONE.

FCG: MAYBE NOW YOU GET IT.

FCG: HOW HIDEOUS EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE, MAYBE YOU'LL FINALLY STOP FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.

CCG: HUH

FCG: WHAT

CCG: I THINK

CCG: I WAS PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT JADE

CG: SHE'S A LITTLE LESS LAME THAN I THOUGHT

FCG: SHHHHSHHSHSHSHSH

FCG: SHE CAN STILL READ THIS YOU STUPID FUCK

FCG: NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO OPEN YOUR VEINS AND WRITE POEMS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS

CCG: FUCK YOU, I'M JUST VOICING A HARMLESS OBSERVATION OK

CCG: IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS IF SOME LUNK HEAD IN THE FUTURE GETS CARRIED AWAY WITH WHATEVER LITTLE THOUGHTS I MAY OR MAY NOT NOW BE THINKING

FCG: I...

FCG: BUT

FCG: HOW COULD THAT EVEN BE A REAL THING I TYPED THREE HOURS AGO, HOW COULD I BE THIS STUPID.

FCG: WE ARE JUST THE DUMBEST FUCKERS WHO EVER LIVED AREN'T WE.

CCG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

FCG: I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE ENERGY TO BAN US.

FCG: I'M JUST LEAVING.

[FCG] ceased responding to memo.

CCG: YEAH

[CCG] ceased responding to memo.

[braintapes]

man i know ive been reblogging a lot of posts abt how awful the job hunt is but truly. genuinely. the whole thing is just so utterly thoroughly completely fuckin Borked dude. fully just Does Not Work

job listings are either fake, scams, inaccurate to the role they want filled, poorly written, written by someone who doesn't know what the job is supposed to entail, are either way too short or way too long, and/or by and large don't include the actual information you actually for real actually NEED to know whether the job is worth your time to apply for, such as, i dunno, the salary. your actual everyday job duties and what you Actually need to perform them. an absurd amount go out of their way to specify just how able bodied you need to even Think about Breathing on the job listing (very) even when that's blatantly false because fuck anyone with a disability i suppose.

assuming some of the jobs are, in fact, real jobs that someone would like filled by a human person to perform a series of tasks, you still may not have a good selection. depending on location you could be out of luck for any halfway decent work. there's a billion positions open for things you Know you can't do. the jobs all seem to come in the following flavors: entry level (but you must have 1-2 years experience in this field) entry level (must have a masters degree a phd and 6-10 years experience) and entry level (must have 5 years experience and be willing to lift an entire house's weight in manual labor every single day with no break)

if you don't have experience having a job well. sucks to suck i guess!

but whatever. okay. find some promising (read: seemingly not fake/scam) listings. go to apply. upload a resume you spent hours poring over to make sure ATS wouldn't mangle it while also keeping it professional and with all the relevant information to make you look as good as possible to prospective employers. the company website then takes the resume you uploaded (in the correct format) and dumps it in the trash. manually write down all of the information in their little text boxes please! oh and also make an account with all your personal information to even have the privilege of getting to fill out this application. mandatory work history information required. fill out this questionnaire - just be sure not to step on the mines and answer a question Wrongly. "why do you want to work at this company?" write an essay for us detailing the most personal aspects of yourself. dont click the buttons that masquerade as offering accommodations and diversity inclusion because theyll actually just set all of this on fire if youre actually honest. grovel in our uncaring text boxes about how badly you want to be part of our team and how YOU can best serve US you worthless dog. slowly crawl your way out of the last circle of hell so you can be done with the application. click the last button. write the last bit of forced-smile text so your teeth dont feel like they're going to shatter apart anymore

wait for weeks. then for months only for a rejection long since youve moved on. assuming you get a response, as the standard now seems to be ghosting. repeat process again and again and again and AGAIN. endlessly. scraping and clawing and begging. youre not grovelling enough. youre not kneeling and cowering and pleading hard enough. the people in your life who Do have jobs cant seem to understand why youre so distressed by it all because, well, They got jobs so Why Can't You? repeat process. repeat process. repeat process.

on a rare occasion, get a response (!!) and make it to the interview stage (!!!!!) which as it turns out is not actually a discussion about the job and how youd fit into it but a vibes check where you prostrate yourself once again to the hiring manager and they decide if they personally like you enough as someone they'd want to hang out with on the weekends to let you in. high chance to fail this immediately if you are some kind of minority, but because they dont want to get in trouble for discrimination, they instead Make Up A Reason not to hire you which then makes it perfectly fine because you can't prove the real reason. browse through your email to see the other rejections. repeat process.

remember that for every application you send out youre competing with hundreds of other desperate people who just need some money to god damned Survive. try to go find advice and find that everything is so heavily weighted in favor of employers it might as well be a fucking black hole (which would be apt considering everyones applications magically disappear) so the only advice anyone can give is pithy little platitudes about how you should look and act and speak and dress and behave and make sure youre grovelling! have you tried grovelling!! are you doing that enough because if you arent well it really is your fault isnt it then!

god and like even if you GET a job it's still a shit job and there's still no ladder any more. there's no Progression it's just moving horizontally across various shit jobs. even the "easiest" jobs to get hired at, customer service jobs, retail, food service, etc, are so terrible you arent treated like a human being by basically anyone from customers to managers. you arent allowed to sit down. you need to grovel STILL. to your boss. to customers. constantly. for 10 dollars an hour, probably less depending on location. but you have to agree to work all their horrible shifts for 10 hours a day on your feet no sitting 2 15 minute breaks fuck man. fuck. FUCK. WHAT IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO DO AT THIS POINT?????