#sometimes the actors are in relationships and thus decide to play their characters in the same way

[godnattakatta]

🔥

Shipping please

people should be more open to the fact that different productions have different ships - and in general be more open to having several ships. i feel like several people have a few, often the same, that they rarely venture outside of - and obvs it's fine to have preferred ships, everyone does - but it does get a little boring imo when almost everyone has the same 5 ships

[starstruckbyacomet]

The Rookie 7x08: "Wildfire" Review (Part 1 of 2) – Finally! A Valid Reason for Chenford Separation

Spoiler alert! (obviously 🙄).

(Part 2)

After breaking the law, Tim Bradford broke up with Lucy Chen, because he thought he was not worthy. This doesn't make sense. Tim joined a therapy group as a redemption act WHILE he was still a policeman. He didn't quit from being a cop. Why couldn't he also still be in relationship with Lucy, while doing the therapy?

Fans accused Alexi Hawley, the showrunner, for dragging the love story to maintain viewership. What other reason could he have for regressing a solid relationship into a will-they/won't-they shit, when the audience has already known what the result would be? Tim and Lucy are clearly still in love with each other. They will be together again. The question is WHEN, not IF. The longer Alexi takes the time to reunite them, the more impatient we are.

A near death experience in ep. 7x08 "Wildfire" brought a love confessions out of Chenford. We love it. However, more than that, we got a glimpse of an important reason WHY Alexi insisted to break their relationship: Lucy is still under Tim's chain of command.

When Tim and Lucy were together for the first time, Tim had to either take a boring desk job or move to Metro Division to keep their relationship. This brought another problem into the writers room. It was difficult to write Tim working a case with the rest of the main casts. How many cases required the two divisions working together closely? On top of that, the show needed to pay more actors to be the Metro team members and leader. This storyline was not sustainable in the long run.

In the hospital scene of ep. 7x08, Lucy uttered her intention to take the sergeant exam. As Tim said, should Lucy passed, she would not be under his chain of command anymore. This would solve the aforementioned problem. Tim could still be part of the team WHILE being in relationship with Lucy at the same time.

Why didn't Alexi simply use the 'chain of command' reason to break Chenford apart? It more makes sense than Tim's 'I'm not worthy' excuse. It's probably beacuse Tim loves Lucy so much, more than he loves his career. Tim was willing to move to another division, and basically to regress his career, for Lucy (awww 🥰💞😍). Thus, Alexi should come up with another reason to break them up until Lucy passed her sergeant exam.

There's a risk in dragging a will-they/won't-they storyline for too long. Viewers could lose their patience and abandon the show altogether. It happened in Grey's Anatomy. Like Chenford in the Rookie, Jackson Avery and April Kepner in Grey's Anatomy have already had a proper built-up before being a couple. However, after marrying them, Krista Vernoff, its then-showrunner, decided to break the couple apart, then paired them with other people. Jackson and April clearly still had feelings for each other. Still, Krista insisted to drag Japril's separation longer, probably to keep the audience watching. The effect was the opposite. The prolonged dragging of their love story made some viewers, including me, lost patience and abandoned the show altogether. Even worse, before Krista could reunite Japril, Sarah Drew (who played April Kepner)'s contract re-negotiation reached a dead-end, so the character had to be written-off in a very disappointing way.

A contract re-negotiation between an actor and the producer sometimes reaches a dead-end, typically because the actor would ask for a raise, while the show have to cut cost due to decreasing rating/viewership. The Rookie is in its seventh season already, and the recent ratings are not as high as its earlier seasons. I hope Chenford would be reunited before Eric Winter and/or Melissa O'Neil's contracts expire. Based on the progress in ep. 7x08, the showrunner seems to think the same.

Go to: (Part 2)

[unuskvloo]

-/ batim sona/oc /-

Name: Nigel “Bendy” Watson

Age: Twenty-Eight

Character (If they’re based off of a canon version): Bendy/The Ink Demon

Pronouns: He/Him

Gender(optional): Male

Job/Role in the studio: Former Live Action Actor for Bendy

Likes: Bacon Soup, Attention and Praise, Susie Campbell (Can empathize with her envy/level of connection to her character), Playing Games on Others (aka Lost Ones and so on)

Dislikes: Anyone stealing his spotlight, Judgement/Criticism, Weaklings Who Are “All Bark and No Bite”, Joey Drew

Relationships: TBA

Backstory:

- Wishing to expand the creative horizons within the studio, a live action film was to be made with Joey Drew’s characters- starring a Mobster-style story featuring the dancing demon as the crime boss amongst the cast. This interpretation of Bendy would take a much more intimidating and serious approach; which Joey Drew wasn’t entirely on board with. However, the company behind the film had enough popularity to convince the man to reluctantly allow the production to continue.

- Nigel was hired for his intense acting as playing antagonists and overall appearance that matched the ideals of his employer. After a short amount of time, he became a fanatic overnight over the character of Bendy. Utterly in a trance with the toony demon, Nigel was inspired more than ever to make himself and the creator in awe- despite that level of achievement being too far away to accomplish. This one role changed the trajectory of Nigel’s remaining life and eventual transformation.

- Long story boring, Joey Drew screwed over the other company after ultimately deciding to cancel the project- thus effectively stripping the opportunity away from Nigel. After the hours and weeks spent dedicated to “working on his craft”, in a fit of impulsive rage, Nigel allowed the ink machine to do its work. If he cannot be the demon he’s worked so hard to become, then he’ll make a deal with the devil to make it happen.

Extra Info:

- Voice Claim is Ricky Nelson (Song is A Teenager's Romance (1957)

- Closeted Homosexual. Has never been able to find the time and right person to truly let those feelings out. So, whenever he comes across someone he harbors feelings for, he tends to have possessive tendencies. He takes, and takes, and takes. Of course, how could he not? He was never given the opportunity to be himself; only pretending to be someone or something else.

- Sometimes his mannerisms are similar to a cat. His tendrils can occasionally act as multiple tails. Can and will purr and rub his head to capture his scent on objects or people- which leaves a trail or blotches of ink.

[thebigskoot]

shitty little essay i wrote about the always sunny cookbook

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, also known as It’s Always Sunny or just Sunny, is a show that sometimes makes you lose your appetite. This is intentional; it is a show about disgusting people doing disgusting, cruel things to each other. Equally disgusting is the food that the characters discuss and consume: a couple examples of dishes featured on the show are rum ham, meat cube, milk steak (with jelly beans on the side (“raw”)), and riot punch. After hearing these names, a watcher likely does not want to take a bite of whatever a milk steak might be (we never do find out what Charlie means by this). Despite this, FX, the television channel that hosts Sunny, recently decided to make a cookbook based on the foods featured in this show. I believe that this book is nothing but a gag gift for fans, as it is neither funny nor educational enough to be a good read or a good cookbook.

The cookbook, titled Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia: An It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cookbook, is split up into sections based on characters from the show, each featuring an introduction written in the voice of a character followed by several recipes from said character. The first red flag of this cookbook is that it is not written by the creators of the show. Glenn Howerton, Rob MacElhenny, and Charlie Day are the creators of It’s Always Sunny and have been writing, producing, and playing the characters Dennis, Mac and Charlie since the show’s conception in 2005. Their respective characters were originally based on them - Dennis’s vanity, Mac’s hard-headedness and Charlie’s stupidity mirror the worst parts of the actors’ real-life personalities. Because of this, writing from these characters’ point of view has to be thoughtful and well-crafted in order to feel genuine and authentic to these deeply personal characters.

Unlike in the series’ official self help book, The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today, which is written by the writers in their characters’ voices, this cookbook is written by a third-party writer. This makes the first-person introductions to each section of the cookbook full of cheap references to popular gags in the show, as opposed to any new information about the character. For instance, in Charlie’s introduction, he rambles about his iconic sleeping outfit of a black horse t-shirt and white long johns. This is something that never comes up verbally in the show, and is told only through wardrobe. However, the writer decided to bring this up to remind the reader that, yes, this is your favorite character Charlie speaking. Instead of references to the character’s wardrobe, something that may have been more relevant to a cookbook is something about Charlie’s relationship with food. For example, I would have appreciated it if the writer had given us Charlie’s take on his strange diet, which often consists of things not meant for human consumption, such as paint and cat food. How did he start eating these foods? How does he feel about his health as a result of his diet? If Charlie Day had written this from his character’s point of view, I think he would have expanded on what we already know about the character’s relationship with food as opposed to reminding us of what we already do know about his character’s pajamas.

Cat food, which Charlie eats every night along with a beer and a huff of glue, is a recipe in this cookbook. The writers could have gone the comedic route for this book and given this recipe one ingredient: One Can of Cat Food. This could have been done with many recipes in this book; as I mentioned, most of the food in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is nearly inedible. However, instead of keeping the recipes accurate to the show (and thus inedible), the writers opted to feature basic, easy-to-make recipes that only resemble the foods from the show. This takes the reader out of the illusion that the recipes were provided by the characters; if Charlie knew how to make tuna salad, he wouldn’t be eating Fancy Feast. Unfortunately, these character-breaking choices were made in the name of interactivation.

The simplicity of these recipes, I think, is an attempt at reaching the target audience of Sunny: college-aged adults. However, I think that two other options would have worked better as opposed to this approach: the aforementioned inedible approach, and, on the other side of the spectrum, the way-too-fancy-for-this-show approach. The inedible approach would render the book useless as an interactive cookbook, but make it a purely comedic gag book: something completely different and more consistent with the show’s brand. On the other hand, the writers could have chosen the way-too-fancy approach, in which the recipes are not described as being written by the characters but instead interpreted by professional chefs. This would give the book more of a purpose, of which it currently does not have: college kids can look up these basic recipes without buying a book based on their favorite sitcom.

A couple of summers ago, when I was in the depths of my It’s Always Sunny hyperfixation, I was living in a subletted apartment with my friend, Isaac. Almost every free moment we had, we were watching Sunny: before work, after work, while we were eating, and even during the one time we each picked up one dumbbell from my set of two and pretended to exercise. Sometime before the summer, I saw a two-part series from the YouTube channel Babish Culinary Universe in which Babish recreates the foods from It’s Always Sunny in two ways: one exactly the show describes (or how he thought the characters would make it), and one in a fancy, over-the-top way. For example, he makes a Grilled Charlie exactly how Charlie instructs Frank to make one on his hot plate: “Peanut butter outside, chocolate inside, butter inside, cheese outside.” Of course, this was an inedible mess, so he proposed a new and improved Grilled Charlie consisting of brie cheese, dark, high-quality chocolate, brioche, and chunky peanut butter. Although still a strange flavor combination, when Isaac and I had nothing to eat for dinner, we cooked and ate these fancy Grilled Charlies while watching our favorite show at the dinner table. Babish’s recipe was much more thoughtful and authentic than Grilled Charlie in the cookbook, which trades cheese for cream cheese frosting, which, like the tuna salad “cat food,” makes it a completely different (and boring) dish from the one featured in the show.

In conclusion, Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia: An It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cookbook is a bad attempt at an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia cookbook in that it is not funny, authentic-feeling, or good enough as a cookbook to be worth buying even for a die-hard fan like me or Isaac.

References

Rea, A. (2017, February 20). Binging with babish: It’s Always sunny in Philadelphia special. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2ezpExQ_k0&t=46s

FX. (2006, June 29). The Gang Goes Jihad. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Episode.

Randolph, L., & Fecks, N. (2023). Paddy’s Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia: An it’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cookbook. Hyperion Avenue. February 12, 2024, https://dayton.overdrive.com/media/10136164?cid=28073

Note: I was only able to access a sample of the book, hence why I focus so heavily on Charlie's introduction and recipes in this essay.

Wolf, M. J. P. (2014). Building imaginary worlds the theory and history of subcreation. Taylor and Francis.

[lordvonbunnyv]

Okay, so today I decided to go watch one show that was part of my childhood despite me never really watching it outside of a few episodes, the show is Roary the Racing car, I remembered that it aired on Sprout in the 2000’s sometime during the sunny side up show section of the channel (if you know what I’m talking about, then I love you, you’re childhood was amazing)

So after rewatching the show, I really like the animation, the style reminds me a lot of bob the builder in that it shares a similar bright sunny color palette but also in a subdued pastel tone with plenty of greens and lighter background tones that allow the brighter main characters stick out. I like how smooth the stop motion is and I really want to say that the same people who did bob the builder worked on this show because the way the characters are designed and their mouth movements, but I’m not sure. The racing scenes are well done and I think maybe some CGI was used since it can be hard to get good shots in stop motion in action scenes, but I don’t know, if so then the CGI bends very well with the models. I also think that Cici’s model is very cute, not gonna lie.

The character models are great, I like how they are based on real life racing cars giving them distinctive silhouettes. I also really like the dynamic between Roary and big Chris, they definitely have this sort of father-son relationship and I really like Big Chris’s personality, he’s passionate with what he does, he’s down to earth but has some good comedic moments that aren’t over the top, and he’s a good singer, I don’t know who his voice actor is, but they have a good singing voice.

On the downside, I think Roary has main character syndrome where he has to be featured in every episode and every episode is centered around him in some way. The other characters don’t get expanded on and are mostly one note: Roary is the young car, Maxi is the hotshot, Cici is Roary’s French accented crush I think, Drifter is the high tech super car with a computer, and tin top keeps falling apart. I wish they could expand on these characters more and make them feel more of a family. I would like if Maxi started out as being jealous with Roary as he thinks that he’s getting all the attention from big Chris and out performing him, over time and after a few bad accidents, Maxi learns to not let his jealousy get in the way and his jealously towards Roary eventually boils down to just more of a friendly rivalry that’s played up for show during races.

I’d also like to tweak it a bit so Roary was built by Big Chris himself thus adding more to their dynamic and why Roary is the only car that’s not based on any real life car and is a freelance design according to the wiki. It could also add fuel to the Maxi and Roary rivalry as now Roary feels like he has to out perform Maxi and try to earn the favor of mr. Carbohydrates (I know that’s not his name, but I had to). Maybe also have the other cars feel frustrated and jealous that Maxi is the favorite and believe that Roary could be the one to finally outshine Maxi.

But over all, though not a classic, I do like it, I think it’s a cute show and worth the watch if you are into early 2000’s preschool shows.

[moistvonlipwig]

Saw your Spike post and thought you really hit the nail on the head. Great observation!

In that post, you mentioned some bargain bin imitators, and I was wondering: which characters do you see as falling into that bucket?

hm so it's hard to produce a definitive listing because while i think bargain bin spikes are definitely a Thing, i haven't necessarily seen all the media in which they appear -- for instance, i've heard that both damon and klaus from the vampire diaries would probably qualify, but i never saw that show (and don't really want to lol).

and on the other hand there are lots of bad boy characters who...may or may not be actually trying to imitate spike. i think some bad boy characters are not very spike-like and thus we can safely say they are not bargain bin spikes -- kylo ren, for instance, is i think far too broody and self-serious of a character to be a bargain bin spike.

then you have ones that i would generally say fall under the 'bargain bin spike' umbrella, in that they are misogynist bad boy/comic relief characters who fall for the lead and thus (allegedly) change but unlike spike are romanticized and boring, but in a lot of these cases it's hard to say whether or not the writers were deliberately attempting to invoke spike with their characterization. a prime example of this type of character would be mon-el from supergirl (who is, incidentally, one of the worst characters ever put on television, and a massive disgrace to his perfectly likable counterpart from the comic books). therefore, while i would feel comfortable calling such characters bargain bin spikes, others might see the comparison as unfair.

however the character who actually inspired me to make that post is so quintessentially, undeniably a bargain bin spike that even if you like him it is impossible to argue (without looking like a very silly goose, anyway) that he is not a blatant attempt to ape spike's success. and that character is captain hook from once upon a time.

(to be clear -- there are two versions of captain hook in ouat, and i am talking about the one from s2-6, not the one from s7 commonly referred to as 'wish hook' on account of being from an alternate universe created by a wish a la the btvs wishverse episode. wish hook is my best friend and my silly rabbit and one of my favorite characters ever. and imo he is a far more successful character than his s2-6 counterpart largely because he is not a crude imitation of spike but rather a unique attempt to actually engage with the mythology of captain hook as a literary/folkloric character and figure in popular culture. ANYWAY when i refer to captain hook for the rest of this post just know that i am referring to the s2-6 version.)

if you haven't seen ouat, captain hook is a white dude with a british accent (his actor is irish and has an irish accent but specifically puts on a british one for the role) who wears eyeliner and calls people "luv" a lot and his signature look is a black leather duster with a red shirt underneath (yes, really). he starts off as a bad boy/villain character who is sometimes played for comic relief but has vague sexual tension with one of the protagonists, emma swan.

then in the third season he rather abruptly decides that he's in love with emma (why? who knows) and takes it upon himself to pursue her romantically, refusing to take no for an answer and hitting on her at some pretty inappropriate times and in some pretty gross and coercive ways, even sexually assaulting her at one point. unlike spike, he is not portrayed as creepy for this; at worst, he is portrayed as sort of comically out of touch, and often he is portrayed as sexy and romantic. he ends up in a romantic relationship with her and changes his wicked pirate ways to be good enough for her or what the fuck ever, who cares, it's all very unconvincing and played completely straight when it really shouldn't be.

if it weren't already obvious that he is ouat's answer to spike, there's also the fact that the showrunners were huge btvs fans and often took inspiration from that show's storylines -- the wishverse is one example, but they also do an eyeroll-worthy homage to buffy killing angel, a musical episode where the characters are self-aware, et cetera. so why did captain hook fail (in my opinion -- in the court of public opinion, he's quite popular) when spike succeeded? well, for the reasons i laid out in my earlier post -- the showrunners wrote hook the way they did because they all liked spike and wanted hook to be like spike. there was no one in the writers' room (or no one with power, anyway) to push back against the romanticization of the character or to challenge the audience to think about him differently. it's like if the btvs writers' room had only jane espenson, but no david fury or joss whedon or any of the other, more spike-critical writers.

and uh. when i say it's like if the btvs writers' room had espenson but not fury or whedon, what i really mean is:

yeah.

a final note: i think one of the few examples of the spike archetype being done well by a show that isn't btvs is nathaniel plimpton from crazy ex-girlfriend -- a character who is a deliberate parody of bad boys who turn good for the love of a woman. he has failings as a character too, but they're much more akin to spike's own failings as a character, e.g. hogging too much screentime and narrative importance in a show that's supposed to be about women. he is certainly not portrayed as an aspirational love interest or hero. i think it says something that the best imitation-spike is the one that's making fun of him, not trying to be him.

[dancingontheblades]

On Love Eros showcases of how a figure skating routine evolves over a season

If you’re an avid figure skating fan, you have probably noticed that skaters grow into their programmes as the season progresses and that sometimes elements (especially jumps) are rearranged or replaced when the skater struggles with them or to increase the programme’s base score. Since Yuri On Ice!!! is a realistic depiction of figure skating, we see changes to the programmes as the season progresses as well, most prominently in Yuuri’s and Yuri’s programmes. In this article, I will break this down for Yuuri’s short programme On Love: Eros, which provides the most comprehensive data on the subject.

Presentation

Figure skating is, to somewhat extent, acting. To convey a programme to the audience, skaters must often assume a role and need to acquire basic expression and projection skills. Some skaters even take acting classes to portray the protagonists of the stories they tell on-ice. As someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, Yuuri skates at his best when he skates true to his feelings and gets rewarded with high programme component scores (PCS), which help him to compensate for technical mistakes like falls. But when Viktor assigns On Love: Eros to him, Yuuri has no idea how to skate it. For how shall he express something he hasn’t experienced before?

Yuuri has never thought about love much less had a relationship. He says of himself that he ignored the things happening around him because he focused on skating since. However, Viktor’s demonstration of On Love: Eros has inspired a story:

A playboy comes to town and bewitches the women left and right. He decides to pursue the most beautiful woman in town, but she isn’t swayed. As they play the game of love, she finds it difficult to make the right choices and ends up falling for him. Then, he casts her aside as if he’s tired of her and goes off to the next town.

This story is a strikingly accurate description of how Yuuri perceives his situation after Yurio showed up in Hasetsu, including his fear that Viktor might abandon him for the teenage boy. (Ironically, the story also tells the events from the Sochi banquet as Viktor must have seen in the following months, but that’s beside the point.)

His lack of self-confidence and sexual experience inspires the belief in Yuuri that he is unsuited for the role appearance- and experience-wise. As a result, he struggles with his new routine until Viktor’s old Lilac Fairy costume spark a last resort: Swapping roles. To win the Onsen on Ice, Yuuri must alter the concept to something closer to how he feels and thus becomes the woman and seduce the playboy (Viktor) to stay. It’s unclear whether “how he feels” also refers to his unique notion of sexiness as a queer man. Since queer people are less likely to adhere to cishet stereotypes, Yuuri could have very well a feminine side. However, if such a side of him existed, it would not be isolated to his short programme—at least not in the queer utopia that the world of Yuri!!! On Ice is. The feminine presentation of Eros is portrayed through 1) Minako teaching Yuuri feminine moves, 2) Yuuri using female pronouns during his first two performances of his new short programme (the female Japanese “I” is “atashi”), and 3) Yuuri’s voice becoming softer. To cover up for his sexual inexperience, he uses his favourite dish as a workaround, which, ironically, is a wrapper for his desires: 1) to win, 2) to eat katsudon with Viktor and 3) for Viktor to stay his coach (and maybe other things Yuuri is not yet able to express).

Yuuri’s approach to expressing Eros is how actors approach the portrayal of an experience they never made themselves or an emotion that is hard to conjure. Switching the viewpoint character is a trick many writers use when a scene just doesn’t work the way they want it to.

Fast forward to episode 5, where the story Yuuri wove around his programme has changed. His presentation has evolved, but he’s still in the process of discovering his own concept of Eros. He still impersonates a woman and a tasty katsudon using the atashi pronoun, but now it’s the woman who discards the playboy and goes off pursuing the next man.

During his skate, Yuuri is preoccupied with trying to include Viktor’s advice when he was flirting with Yuuri in the rink coaching him (“dance more like you’re trying to seduce me”). Only close to the end, he remembers that his programme has a story (“On the conclusion for the love-crazed couple… how did it go?”), implying that Viktor’s flirting does more for Yuuri by now than the story Yuuri came up with for the Onsen On Ice. Given that Yuuri never fully identified with the role as playboy / seductress so far, this isn’t a surprise.

To Viktor, who unlike Yuuri is sexually experienced, it’s evident that Yuuri is still wrestling with the concept of Eros. However, between episodes 5 and 6, the nature of their relationship changes as following Yuuri’s confession they can start dating (see my discussion of Japanese dating culture in YOI here). Now that they are a couple, Viktor instructs Yuuri to seduce him as himself. And Yuuri’s reaction says it all.

Once, Yuuri starts to seduce Viktor as himself, he switches back to his own pronoun “boku”, which is the Japanese standard male pronoun for “I”. The programme is no longer a story with a protagonist Yuuri has to impersonate, but about him actively seducing Viktor with his own charms. Whether he keeps the “feminine” style remains unclear since this exceeds the limits of the animation (skating scenes are extremely difficult to animate due to the complexity of the movements). For my novelisation and its first sequel I assume that Yuuri’s feminine expression of Eros evolves into a style that is 100% true to Yuuri as he fully blooms into his unique notion of Eros as a part of his queer journey and his deepening relationship with Viktor.

However, it’s beyond doubt that the evolution of Yuuri’s Eros is closely tied to his relationship. As a result, Yuuri scores even higher when he skates Eros at the Rostelecom Cup three weeks later. Competing at a place where Viktor’s enormous fanbase might resent him for stealing Viktor from the sport, fuels his possessiveness which is one aspect of his Eros. His short programme has reached a stage at which he can hardly improve it any further with its current composition.

That’s where elements and base values come into play.

Technical aspects

With all the jumps being in the second half and every entry more difficult than the one before, Eros is a tough programme designed for a skater with strong stamina. From a spread-eagle entry into the 3A after a demanding-looking step sequence that matches the fast-paced music, to a lunge-entry into the final 4T+3T combination when exhaustion is at its peak, the programme has a ruthless composition, matching its theme. Viktor’s initial composition included a 3S as the second jumping pass, which Yuuri single-handedly turned into a quad in an attempt to beat Yuri at the Onsen on Ice. Ironically, by this chance, Yuuri made his daring short programme even more daring. (fun fact: many real-life skaters struggle with the 4S too)

Yuuri skating at his best when skating true to his feelings is especially true for jumps, which he regularly flubs when something is on his mind or the programme isn’t working for him. To land a jump, and even more so a quad jump, everything going into the execution like technique, timing, speed, take-off, the moment of opening again etc. must be orchestrated perfectly. As a result, Yuuri only nails the 4S once he fully settles into the routine in episode 6.

For the Grand Prix Final, Yuuri changes the composition one last time to maximise his base score. It’s a risk he’s willing to take to win like he has been doing all season long by replacing jumps, most prominently when he included the 4F in his free programme to surprise Viktor, which he now includes into Eros as the final jump and jumps the 4S in combination with the 3T.

For reference: these are the base values of the jumps in question as they appear in Yuri!!! On Ice*:

3S: 4.4

4S: 10.5

4T: 10.3

4F: 12.3

The 4F symbolises everything Viktor is to Yuuri. It expresses Yuuri’s desire to become Viktor’s equal or even surpass him, as well as his romantic feelings when he jumps the 4F on a whim at the Cup of China. Including it in Eros, adds a possessive layer to the many things the 4F represents like showing the world that Viktor is his now as well as Yuuri’s ambition and growth as a person.

Yuuri’s final performance of Eros in the anime is another example of him not skating true to his feelings. By focusing on winning, he lost his hold on the programme and its key aspect that has brought him personal bests before: seducing Viktor. However, I imagine Yuuri to keep refining his short programme during the second half of the season like any real-life figure skater would do.

Closing remarks on queer presentation

What sometimes is referred to as “feminine” expression in dance sports is a soft and sensual movement style as opposed to the cishet male stereotype (strong, showing little emotion etc). It also describes a gay stereotype. However, how a queer person presents can apply to a variety of queer labels. Being queer myself, I don’t feel comfortable deriving queer label from isolated information for an individual be they real or fictional. I don’t want to promote stereotypes, and because of this, you won’t find me jumping to conclusions about the YOI cast’s unique queerness.

Japanese pronouns

For further reading about Japanese pronouns especially when used by queer people, I recommend this comprehensive article. Having read this, Yuuri’s switch to “atashi” during the first two times he skates Eros, makes even more sense to me.

*these base values were the same in the seasons I checked starting from the 2014/15 season to the 2016/17 season, which encompasses the time Yuri!!! was produced.

If you enjoyed this analysis, please consider giving my blog a follow or checking out my works on AO3 (link in bio).

[eyrieofsynapses]

Redemption Panel Highlights and Reactions

GATORS

i.e., Beth Riesgraf and Christian Kane (mostly Beth) talking about filming the scenes in (what I presume is) The Rollin’ on the River Job, where they’re pulling some stuff out of the water, and finding out the next day that there was an absolutely massive alligator pulled out of the same place just a little while after they filmed it

Beth’s impression of the wildlife folks warning them about the alligators

Beth scaring the hell out of Noah Wyle by yelling “GATOR” at him just after he finished his scene

seriously that was an absolutely WILD part of the panel

Everyone showering Aleyse Shannon with literally all the love!

Aldis Hodge in particular big-brothering her, and also the older actors calling her out for not giving herself enough credit, and Dean Devlin talking about how she blew him away at the auditions with her ability to turn on a dime

Seeing Kane with his glasses off wiping at his eyes, momentarily thinking “you okay dude?” and then realizing that he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes

(same)

The The Bucket Job clip! I’ve been a bit meh on a lot of Redemption, just in how it didn’t feel quite right, but that is possibly the absolute closest I’ve seen it get to the original in the best way. Brilliant

Which comes as no surprise since BETH RIESGRAF directed the episode!!! And apparently put an insane amount of effort in!

Beth’s utter delight and joy at both directing the episode and having the crew behind her

THE CHAIR

So apparently she and Christian went to town on the fight scene and he winds up tied up in a chair somewhere along the line and there’s a whole wild scene, which I am really looking forward to

Beth knowing how insanely particular he’d be about things like zip ties vs rope and what kind of rope e.t.c. e.t.c.

Apparently this is also tied into a VERY DEEP scene with Eliot? It sounds like they’re going to go super hard on his backstory, which is terrifyingly exciting

Just. Beth and Christian going very hard on that episode together

Speaking of: the panel’s going amazingly, I’m laughing so hard my stomach hurts, things are relatively light, and then, of fucking course—

Kane hitting us over the head about Eliot being a mass murderer who can’t be redeemed, is trying to stay static so that he can maintain the place he’s in, and is thus LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH HARRY

What the FUCK. This is of course incredibly insightful and perfectly on point (because it’s Kane) but also, EXCUSE ME, OUCH, why would you DO THAT to us?

Everyone talking about having their families on set and their kids!

Beth’s son growing up on the original Leverage set and now going into being a director himself!

Gina’s daughter also growing up on set!

Noah Wyle’s daughter is playing Harry’s daughter I REPEAT NOAH WYLE’S ACTUAL DAUGHTER IS PLAYING AS HARRY’S DAUGHTER

Gina Bellman remaining relatively stoic throughout much of the panel (seriously, this woman, how the heck does she do it) and then losing it when they’re asked about running/inside jokes

A lot of them are, of course, apparently not appropriate to be spoken on-panel

(A lot of the others are the little inside ones that are special enough not to be ones they want to share, which is sweet!)

Everyone collectively losing it over having LeVar Burton on for The Bucket Job

Devlin and everyone laughing about collecting the various Star Trek people on Leverage

Beth talking about Burton coming over while she’s getting ready and asking her if she’s living on coffee and water, her laughing because he was absolutely right, and then him gently reminding her to remember to eat, which is the sweetest thing in the world oh my gods

Kane apparently choreographing an intense scene with Burton and being scared out of his mind, because Burton really wanted to go for it, but to Kane it was like he’s a figurine that’s not to be messed with because he was so worried about hurting him

Kane choreographing a massive amount of the show, which I knew already, but seriously, this guy blows me away

Gina and the crew talking about how he’d be away for a day of shooting a fight and all of them would be missing him and thinking about him

Family Vibes

Everyone talking about how they’re very noisy and loud together on set and it’s a bit like walking into a group of people having Christmas dinner (or something to that effect) because they’re just Like That together

Aleyse being the most surprised by Beth when she met her because she was like a little angel of light during the auditions but turned out to be an absolute ball of wild energy on set

Gina going “wait you were a MODEL” at Beth

Aldis talking about how much he loved how Parker and Hardison’s relationship had developed and grown!

Also, Aldis apologizing when the New York (iirc) background noise got loud and everyone going “no no we get you”

His outfit is ON POINT today

Gina saying that Christian is the goofiest and wildest out of them in terms of humor

(she goes “some of you may not know this,” which, fair, but also, if you’ve seen more than ten minutes of this guy outside of character you know he’s an absolute ball of sunshine)

Gina, Beth, and Christian talking about how they’d challenge each other to stay off sweets back on the original set, because they knew they needed to stay in shape and also just because they’re competitive (apparently all of them are major sweet tooths) and hide brownies and things from each other, while Aldis is just. doing pushups. eating all the healthy stuff. and then wanders into the room with a literal cupful of chocolates

(and Aldis going “well yeah I have to work off the sweets SOMEHOW”)

Beth explaining that sometimes they’d order a “Kane burrito” from Christian and he’d alter it slightly

Like, you know, chopping up hot jalapenos super fine and mixing them in, and Beth practically not being able to talk after the first bite

Apparently Aldis still went back a lot even after that

(Christian just seems very pleased with himself over it)

(THESE PEOPLE)

Gina goes “hey we should have an episode where we all swap roles,” Devlin going “WAIT FOR SEASON ONE TO BE DONE,” and then somebody (maybe the moderator?? I don’t remember exactly) going “uh actually. We did that”

Cue immediate scramble of “WAIT WHICH JOB WAS THAT”

(paraphrasing) “Yeah you remember the bit where you put on Parker’s harness and went off a building?”

Turns out half the cast had actually forgotten that that existed and only remember when reminded

The original cast all think of the episodes as “jobs”!!!!

Everyone talking over each other, Devlin going “it was with Sterling when we blew up the offices,” deciding that it was the season one finale, and then trying to figure out what episode title it was (eventually they figure out it’s the David jobs)

Moderator and Devlin accurately commenting that the fans know the show much better than they do

Noah Wyle very correctly explaining how Electric Entertainment is like a family and Devlin just. Keeps people

Aleyse and Aldis talking about typing when they’re hacking and going “WHAT THE HECK DO WE TYPE”

Aldis goes “yeah I just type all the bad words that we’re not allowed to say”

Aleyse saying that she’s always a little worried they’re hiding a Word document behind the blue screen and they’re going to pull up what she’s typing at the end of the day and print it out and put it in her trailer going “what the HECK is this”

Noah talking about filming The Golf Job and just getting to direct Jason Marsters and Christian together

Apparently their dynamic in that episode accurately mirrors the one with their characters in Angel!

Which promptly goes straight to the comment that it was very hard to make Marsters look like a golfer (pfft)

(Also apparently Christian plays golf for fun with his friends? Not necessarily something I would’ve thought of!)

Aleyse happily talking about how she loved the dynamic on set and it was very different from what she was used to

Also Aleyse talking about doing stunts and everyone else praising her for going whole hog

Beth especially praising her for the bit where she’s hit with the paralysis injection (I don’t remember which ep it’s from) and her acting for it, because it was incredibly hard to drop off screen in the particular way she did

Aleyse promptly answers that she was terrified with some of those, especially one where she had to keep a clock from falling and breaking

Everyone discussing how they see a new aspect of Breanna’s character in The Train Job

Also, to get serious for a moment, Kate Rorick in particular talks about how Breanna’s part of Gen Z and how we didn’t get the “days of yore” where everything was chill. We’ve basically been living in a world of hostility the whole time. It’s something I deeply appreciate, as someone who’s part of that group, and I love how they emphasize that for us.

This panel was pure chaos and I loved every moment of it! My stomach was actually hurting from laughing so hard, I swear. They had me cackling well over half the time. I would happily take panels double or triple the length of this, this was amazing. I also adore how the second you drop these six people in a room together, they immediately take off and literally just run and give you everything you wanted and more. (It is also evidently very hard to get them to STOP talking.)

I’m also just going to stop and take a second to fawn over the effects for the 3D room. It’s gorgeous—I love how they replicated the headquarters, especially with the stained glass ceilings! Super impressive, especially with all the photos, and I just love the whole thing. Kudos to whoever put that together.

Anyway, I’m definitely missing some stuff too; seriously, there wasn’t a second wasted in this thing, they were cracking some kind of joke or dropping some really interesting piece of information practically every thirty seconds. (And I haven’t even gotten into the clips OR the bloopers. I miiiight do a separate reaction purely for those.) It’s still up right now if you missed it and you want to watch it! I’ll probably watch it again, honestly.

[daisywrites4you]

Your Spark - Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Co-Star AU

Author’s Notes: No confirmed Reader Gender, Age is not confirmed but is younger than Charlie, Slight Hint at Slow Burn (within the one-shot), Season 2 concept and NOT confirmed

Your life never seemed to have its spark. Everything being an endless fleet of things needed to be done and experiences always half-finished. That was until it started with a chance meeting on a film-set. Your first day being on the Julie and The Phantoms set was all due to the off-chance that you managed to get the job as a new character: Reggie’s potential love interest. You were widely shocked to have managed such a high role after expecting to get supporting-cast or a background character. You remembered bits and pieces but your stagefright did block a lot out. Your audition had included a cover of ‘Can’t blame a girl for trying’ by Sabrina Carpenter while playing your acoustic. You had shyly walked into the room and almost tripped over a sound card on the floor. You felt like you’d die from embarrassment before you would ever even make it to the judges table. You had introduced yourself and started your lines and tried to avoid eye contact. When you finally managed to look up, the director seemed shocked and interested in your acting. So when it finally came to singing, you felt more comfortable and gave it your all. You remembered hearing cheering from the doorway and the clapping from those who were listening in. It gave you a sense of pride but you never anticipated being something special. Still, you were elated to get the opportunity to meet and work with the actors you learned to adore after watching season one. Your life was finally coming together...that was until your eyes met viridescent ones.

You were walking to the break room to meet the cast for the first time. Your first day jitters seeming to get worse and worse as you neared the door. After all, these were your idols that you were about to meet. Mainly, you were most nervous to meet Charlie, your current celebrity crush. You wouldn’t describe yourself as obsessed or anything, just a small fascination with his smile and chipper attitude. You couldn’t help it, your feelings for the dork emerged after his first appearance on Charmed and the small crush never really went away after that. Even so, you were determined to not make a fool of yourself.

Your hand met the handle of the door as you heard laughs echoing from inside. Your hands buzzed as you tried to gulp down the intense anxiety stirring through you. You turned the knob after fighting any mental doubts you had and pulled open the door. The sounds of laughter died down and all eyes fell on you. Now your anxiety spiked and you had to hold down the urge to run out of the room. You tried to avoid seeming scared and looked for something to catch your eyes so you wouldn’t freak out. When you finally managed to look around your eyes met another pair. They were intense and bright and you had to almost yell at yourself mentally to realize you were staring a little too long. Tearing your eyes away, you finally managed to see who those eyes belonged to...Charlie Gillespie. “Oh god,” you mentally shouted at yourself.

Everything seemed to go so slow but in reality it had only been a few seconds that your eyes met his. Everyone seemed to now understand that you were a new member and began to get up and introduce themselves. They were all so kind and gentle with you, making sure you weren’t spooked. Social anxiety is a major issue with you, so usually settings like this overstimulated you, however, this was genuinely nice. By the time you became more comfortable goofing around, you could feel a pair of eyes on you. You peered around the room as you spoke and your eyes met Charlie’s once more. You felt small tingles running along your back, and decided to flash him a small smile before continuing on as normal. At some point he joined the group and started conversing with you too.

As the day went on you and Charlie really hit it off as friends and it felt like you guys had been friends for far longer than it seemed. You had already started talking about your childhood, the good memories, that is, and he his own. He wasn’t the only friend you made however. You had gotten really close with Madison and Jeremy.

It has been some time now and you’d come to describe the cast as a family you never anticipated to have. Slowly your comfort levels developed and you started to become more comfortable around the cast, however there was some part of you that still held up reservations of showing who you were. No matter what you couldn’t shake that. Even so, they began to learn your love for reading, your admiration for the show, and how passionate you are as a person.

“I can’t believe your favorite line from the show was that of all things!” Mads teased loudly.

“Can you honestly blame me?” You questioned, flashing her a cheeky smile. You guys had gotten on the topic of season one and you both had started comparing favorite lines from the show. Your heart was currently still stuck on, “This is an interesting little relationship you and I have.” Mads couldn't help but agree that it is a good quote and any girl would swoon being told that. I mean, that scene did cause that crush of yours on Charlie to spiral once more when you first started getting into the show after finishing Charmed a year prior. However, you did try to shove those feelings far far away. You didn’t want any awkward tension or teases from the cast...especially from Madison. That girl would never let you live it down, you blame the gen z matchmaker within her. You couldn’t help but compare the young teen to a little sister and you had grown quite attached to her as you worked together on set. You’d spent most of your days with her at work, and even spent some time outside of work going shopping for squishmallows, thrifting, or even just having small movie nights. You knew one day you’d tell the curly haired Latina your woes. Until then, it was more so sneaky remarks and avoiding any talks of relationships in general. You were glad she was so disinterested in romance due to her career. Even so, you really had to keep it on the downlow, especially after this conversation. You couldn’t have her knowing that it wasn’t just the quote that gave you butterflies in that scene.

“Honestly girl, I’m just excited to see more favorite quotes being posted once this new season is released,” Madison beamed before continuing, “We’ve already gotten so far into filming.”

She was right though. You knew there was going to be more fan art and new content being issued. You honestly couldn’t wait to finally be a part of the mix. You had a huge feeling that fans were either going to be jealous of you, be upset that you ruined their ship, or ship you endlessly with Reggie. Thankfully, the shipping couldn’t be spread to real life because of Jeremy’s marriage. That thought almost made you sigh in relief. Your upcoming scene with Jeremy was actually happening soon and the scene entails to where you first meet after a JATP performance. Your characters are meant to walk right into each other and thus develop into an instant attraction and soon your character’s backstory; why they’re a ghost.

Your response to Madison was a laugh and, “Oh yeah, let's hope it's nothing too crazy...if you get what I mean,” nudging her arm as you went on.

She scrunched her nose and this makes you belt into a laughing spree, to which she begrudgingly joins soon enough. Eventually three figures emerge into view, your favorite ghost boys are back from set. “What are you guys laughing about?” Charlie asked with a chuckle and smile.

“Oh, just the fandom and the interesting things that will be posted once the season is dropped,” Madison joked while emphasizing ‘interesting.’

The boys all groaned but still had huge smiles on their faces while they did so. We all knew sad or ‘spicy’ content would be posted, and no matter how awkward it could sometimes be, we still adored the effort fans put into their works. It was one of the most fulfilling parts of the job; the endless support you receive.

You couldn’t help but smile at the boys. “Honestly guys, I’m excited to see all the stuff that’ll be released,” You expressed excitedly.

You were almost hopping up and down and it took a lot for the group to not laugh at your excitement. They were used to this type of adoration, but they knew you weren't, and they couldn’t help but see a younger version of themselves in you. They all whooped in agreement and you brought the conversation full circle by bringing up favorite quotes. You couldn’t help but admire Charlie as he expressed his favorite scenes, quotes, and memes of the show. The way he expressed himself via his movements, the way his presence radiates, and how passionate he is, made your eyes instinctively glue to him. You knew the group was around and tried to keep your eyes off of him to avoid suspicion. Although, you couldn’t really help the heartfelt stare you shot his way anytime a laugh or smile came from the Canadian.

There were many moments within the month or so it’s been with the dork that had slowly but surely made his way into your heart. After all, you worked on set together, so it was only natural for you both to get as close as you have. You were okay with that for some time until the day you realized your “celeb crush” was much more than a small fascination and was developing into much more. You were a quarter into filming and were currently getting your makeup done before set. Your mind kept wandering while real life slowly faded in and out. Thoughts and the sounds around you blurred together until you felt the tingles through your scalp as your stylist fixed your hair. Now, you could not get this specific memory out of your head; it was as vivid as when you first experienced it.

It was just any other filming day and the cast was on lunch break after having filmed for 5 hours. You were dying to get something to eat or you felt like you’d hurl. So you scurried to the line and ordered your food before rushing to sit down. You were quick to scarf down your food before the rest of the cast could even manage to sit down. Mads sat down and noticed your now empty plate, “Damn girl. Your stomach really went ‘Es hora de comer.’”

You peered up at the girl with a grin and laughed at her tiktok reference. She recently got you caught up on the references, gen z humor, and even set up a tiktok account that you occasionally post on. “I was hungry, miss girl. They do be starving us on the regular,” You whined, “Also, not you teasing me for eating quickly when we both know that you are always eating, especially on Instagram Live.”

Your hint of sass was not missed and Mads makes sure to exaggerate her gasp by making it as loud as possible while clutching her chest. This makes you both burst into a fit of giggles. You weren’t really paying attention to your surroundings before a pair of hands made their way into your hair. A surge of tingles burst along your scalp and upper back. You had a feeling you knew who it was but looked up to confirm the culprit. Of course your eyes met Charlie’s and you couldn’t help but get lost in them for a second; his eyes were always a warmer shade when you peered into them. As the eye contact was made, you could feel his fingers curling into your hair as you let out a giggle and relaxed into his touch. You had gotten used to his affectionate behavior and your heart was quite fond of it now. After all, he’s been doing things like this for a while now. You give him a teasing smile before muttering a simple, “Hey.” He offers you a smile back and asks the famous Joey Tribbiani line, “How you doin’?”

“I’m doing good now that I’m not dying of starvation,” You explained. His response to get under your skin per usual was, “Oh, poor baby~” while ruffling your hair.

You were flustered but decided to scoff at his response. “You may be a tad older than me, C, but this ‘poor baby’ can still kick your ass. Starvation is no laughing matter.”

You were only joking and the brunette could tell too. Even so, his hand tightened in your hair as your threat was still fresh in the air. If it weren’t for Madison laughing, you would have almost forgotten she was there. “You guys bicker like an old married couple,” she taunted.

Ever since that day you’ve craved nothing more than to be something more to him. It didn’t help when his love language is physical touch and he gives you cute nicknames; of course all of these were consented to and talked about. You both had spent time figuring out nicknames and even boundaries; which made you fall even harder for Charlie due to the man’s respect of others. Still, your brain relentlessly argued whether the actions were platonic or not. The memory of his touch still burned your skin with desire, and his eyes always seemed to captivate you, you know if you stared for too long, you’d be a goner. You wanted to tell him how much you loved him, but the impromptu feeling of rejection eased its way into your anxieties and you crumbled before it. So instead you’ve been endlessly daydreaming of what could be for the last month.

Your thoughts were once again interrupted by your stylist as she finished up your hairdo for the next scene you’d be filming. This scene entails a kiss scene with Reggie and you were dreading it entirely. It was bad enough that the man is married, but your feelings for Charlie, and brotherly relationship with Jer just made it worse. You were just hoping you wouldn’t have to reshoot too many times. You made your way to the set and as soon as you made it inside you spotted Charlie out of the crowd. You could already feel the tension throughout the room building. Anyone could see it; the anxiety of the shoot and the way you both stared at each other. You, with hope and him...well, you weren’t sure yet. It’s hard to pinpoint a single word for how he sees you when his eyes are so genuine and open to everyone he meets. You could only ever describe it as a warm feeling. Like, when you get freshly dried blankets out of your drying machine and bundle into them after a long rainy day.

Before you could manage to utter a response, Jeremy, who was at your side, whispers teasingly to you, “I do not like the energy we’ve created in the studio today.”

This broke you from your trance and you bursted into laughter. Of course the rest of the cast was confused at your outburst but you were thankful to have had Jeremy take off some of your stress. Jeremy was just as glad, after all, he noticed how your jaw was clamped tight and your arms were tense when entering the room prior. He took that as a small victory for the day. Of course that also didn’t go unnoticed from the Canadian across the room either.

After some time of filming, a lot of mess ups, and occasional chats, you managed to get to the 2nd to last scene of the day. Your character is arguing with Reggie. Both seemed to be annoyed with the other for avoiding each other. Thus, the scene is an argument. The next visual cues onto you. Your strands of locks were evident along your furrowed brow. Almost as if you were sweating from the heated argument that is occurring within the scene. The scene was written and described to have a lot of sexual tension without having to allude to anything crazy. The next shot is you screaming, “God why can’t you just man up for once and stop avoiding me? You can flirt with all the girls you want but can’t seem to even look me in the eyes. What is wrong with you?!”

After that it is supposed to pan to Reggie. Thus zooming into him with a hurt look all the while he looks from my eyes to my lips. Then he shouts while running up to me and cupping my face, “Because I’m in love with you and it scares me,” then crashing his lips into mine.

We’ve had to shoot this scene twice already for either cringing or messing up a line. However, this shot was the kicker because we both secretly agreed to imagine each other as the person we had feelings for.

The conversion with Jeremy had gone like this after the first few mess ups, “Okay so this isn’t working.”

To which you responded with a sigh, “yeah it’s just too weird...we keep letting our real lives divide us from our characters for this scene.”

He nodded his head in response before scratching his head. “How about we pretend that we aren’t talking to each other OR each other’s characters...and instead someone who holds our heart?” Jeremy offered thoughtfully.

You were shocked to have heard such a smart but scary plan. That’s when you paled, did he know of your crush? Before you could even ask he was quick to the punch. “I know. I figured it out after some time. The stares you gave him were a dead giveaway. I won’t tell anyone, but I think it would be a great way to get your feelings out there without having to subject yourself to that type of scenario right now. Use it for your gain and not your hindrance...if that makes sense?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the goofy brunette. He really was like family to you and he knew more about you than you expected. You were just glad you didn’t have to bottle it up from another person."I'm ready to try again, if you are?" Thus cueing to our now revised and improved scene. The scene now had so much pent up frustration and tension it was addicting to watch. No one could seem to tear their eyes away.

Thus, Kenny yelled cut and everyone was cheering. Everyone except Charlie, that is. You quickly looked at the male, his eyes for the first time since you met him were closed off and had a faraway look to them. Your feelings of dread and worry kicked in and you wondered what was wrong. Maybe you didn’t do the scene right? You weren’t honestly sure what to do in that moment, up until you felt Jeremy’s hand grab your shoulder and shake you slightly. “Hey, you did great! Our plan worked out well,” Jer made sure to mutter that last part.

He was now the only one who 100% knew of your feelings. You speculate that others are starting to catch on but weren’t sure entirely. Your response to him was, “Thanks, Jer. God I wish I could just say that to him myself, to be honest.”

Jeremy got a small chuckle out of that and pats your head before saying, “You’ll be ready one day...maybe sooner than later...mainly after that scene.”

You look at him questioningly before asking, “What is that supposed to mean?”

He shook his head and gave you a small smile before walking off. Now you were confused by two males in your life. “God, this is why I usually stick to female friends...at least there’s no riddles with women,” you thought to yourself.

You couldn’t manage to find Charlie after that scene and didn’t find him at all for the rest of the filming day. This aggravated you a lot because you were excited to hear the praise from him the most. After all, that was the most major scene in the entire season for your character. At times like this you wished you had Charlie’s number to just text him and see how he was doing. But even after all these months, you never managed to ask for his number. You guys would just rely on conversation at work. Plus you assumed he was the busy type and wouldn’t be on his phone often anyways. So instead you made your way to Jeremy after a few hours to see if anything was going on. He seemed just as carefree as usual, figures.

"He's been missing since the 2nd to last scene of the day and you're not worried?" You ask Jer.

“No, because you could always shoot him a text. I’m sure he’s alright and just needed time to cool off after filming,” Jeremy says but his voice doesn’t sound so confident. It almost seemed like he was lying.

“I don’t exactly have his number yet, bub,” you grumbled.

Jeremy laughed at your expression and nudged you, “Hey, cut me some slack, I’m trying to help.”

"If you give me his phone number, I might reconsider,” you say with a smirk and gleaming eyes. Jeremy contemplated it but thought it was best that the phone number was earned and not given out by someone else. Consent is key guys.

At some point you gave up searching for the man, “He’s an adult and can handle himself,” you thought.

You made your way to your trailer and you soon heard footsteps approaching you. Owen’s voice interrupted your thoughts, “Hey, are you okay? You seem kind of upset.”

You looked up to the blonde and gave him the sincerest smile you could manage. “Yeah…” your response was off timed and almost broken and was a dead giveaway that it was a lie. You scolded yourself for your horrible acting.

“I can tell you aren’t. Mind if we talk about it?” He asked softly. Of course you couldn’t say no to him, his offer was too sincere and heartfelt.

So instead you sighed and muttered, “Okay but in private. Come into my trailer.” He nodded his head in response and followed you inside.

“Where do I even start?” This was more so a question you were asking yourself and less so him.

“If you have to start with bullet points, that's totally fine,” he offered.

You nodded in relief and began listing your current issues. “Honestly, I’m worried about Charlie. Usually he’s in a chipper mood and always there to support me but today he was off. He looked so spaced out and I haven’t seen him at all since then. I was hoping for some sort of ‘congrats’ I guess. Plus, I’m scared I may have upset him somehow.”

You had sputtered some of the words so fast it took Owen a minute to process. Your anxiety spurred out of haywire as you waited for his response. Once he finally had collected the information and put two and two together, he hadn’t even responded to what you said and instead gasped and blurted, “Oh my god, you’re in love with him aren’t you?”

You couldn't manage to handle another person figuring it out and you froze on spot. A bunch of excuses filled your thoughts but nothing ever managed to come out. So instead you drop your head and offer a small nod to the smart blonde for connecting two and two together. You weren’t the only one now silent, for Owen was now just as shocked and processing what had just happened. Both tried to come up with something to say but fell short until you decided to speak up and say, “It started as a celebrity crush when I was first introduced to the show Charmed and then spiraled as I watched JATP. Now that I’ve gotten closer to him... the feelings aren’t a simple crush anymore. I’ve been trying, and for some reason failing, to keep it on the downlow so that I don’t make things awkward...or worse, ruin what I have with Charlie.”

You sigh and grip your arms before leaning against the wall and continuing, “Today he’s been acting distant with me and I’m not sure what I did wrong.”

Owen stayed silent as you spoke and took time pondering on what he should exactly say. After all, this is a tough situation to be in. “I don’t think it’s you,” he muttered and decided to trail on, “I think he’s just being overworked. Plus he could’ve been worried about your scene looking realistic..like maybe you were genuinely mad.”

You took in his words for a second. He did have a point after all. “Also, to your feelings for him...I was shocked to hear because I assumed it wouldn’t stir up until months later. No offense but you seem to be an oblivious person and I kind of assumed you wouldn’t realize for a while.”

You chuckled and wacked his arm playfully and he laughed as a response. “I think if your feelings become too much, you should talk to someone...or him,” he advised.

“I usually just vent to Jer...and well, now you,” you confessed before finishing with, “If it gets bad I’ll consider talking to Charlie. Until then, this stays between us.”

So now two people knew. Now for Mads to find out. All it takes is for one thing to happen...a failed cast movie night. You had thought of the idea of having a movie night at your apartment with the cast as a way to have a break from set. This allowed for more group bonding without work being involved. You invited everyone, even Charlie. After all, things were fine now. It had been a few weeks since that filming day with Jeremy and at some point Charlie seemed to be alright again. You had originally chosen to drop it and it stayed that way. Now, an hour before the movie night was supposed to commence, your “movie night” group chat buzzed with notifications. Everyone had different excuses for the random bails and last minute decisions. You were disappointed to say the least but accepted the fate. You laid on the couch for a little bit before deciding to pack everything up. That was until you heard a honk come from outside. You saw the familiar vermillion Subaru and the driver’s side tinted window rolled down before a mess of brown waves shot out. The bubbly brunette had a huge smile on his face. That smile of his was contagious and before you knew it your face broke into a large smile as well. You laughed before closing the curtain and rushing to set everything back up.

Soon enough you heard a knock on your door and you hustled to go open the door for Charlie. You whipped the door open and offered the dork a smile before ushering him in. “You didn’t have to go out of your way to come here. Mainly since everyone else bailed.” You said.

He gave you an awkward smile and said, “Yeah...but I wanted to come,” scratching his hair and then finishing with, “Plus it means we can talk about the movie without anyone whining.”

You giggle at him and shake your head slightly. You made your way to the microwave and flopped your popcorn bag into it before pressing the few buttons and starting it. The buzzing sound of the microwave filled the air as you grabbed a drink from the fridge. “Hey,” you called to the brunette that had already made himself comfortable on your couch, “Is there anything specific you want to drink?”

He gave you an answer and you made sure to offer him the drink before getting the popped popcorn from the microwave. You flopped down next to him and grabbed your remote. “Okay so I’m vibing with Halloween movies right now,” You state.

He pops a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth and agrees with the genre. “How about Hocus Pocus?” He offers.

You shake your head no, “I already watched it recently.” He gave you a shocked but pleased look.

“How about….Ooo how about Halloween Town? I grew up with the movies.” You said excitedly. His smile was just as big as yours.

“I grew up watching them too!” He announced gleefully.

So now begins your hours long movie adventure with the two of you. Currently, you both had somehow managed a cuddle position, sadly deemed platonic, where you were lying along his chest and side. You could feel the thumping of his heartbeat as you rested your head in the crook of his shoulder. His breathing was relaxing and kept you from being able to focus on the movie in front of you. At some points within the movie you could feel his thumb tracing circles along your side or arm. Those moments were a lot harder to breathe during and you had a lot of mental battles to make sure you could catch your breath. The snacks were already picked through and your drinks were long forgotten as you appreciated his presence alongside you. His laugh throughout some scenes always seemed addicting to hear and you’d rather listen to that than the movie right now. He always had a smile on his face, especially right now. You both had a good laugh at the cheap SFX makeup and low quality CGI. The acting was always so cheesy but you both couldn’t help but adore the nostalgia. It was nice to have someone else admire a classic with you.

You had moments where you almost could feel his gaze along your features and it took a lot of mental strength to pretend you couldn’t feel the tingles. You were sure you were just imagining things but curiosity kept getting the better of you. So you made a quick glance up at his direction as the movie neared its end. There was a huge smile on your face from the movie moments prior to your realization. Now your eyes met those same intoxicating viridescent ones and the intimate moments began once more. You flashed him a smile before looking back at the movie before you.

At some point at the end you blurted, “You know, if this movie were re-filmed, you would be a much better love interest for the series.” To which he gives you a perplexed look before giving you a crooked grin.

“Why do you say that?” He questioned with a slanted brow.

“Well, because this wouldn’t be the first time you’d be a love interest to a witch,” you started before adding, “as well as you’re amazingly talented at acting as love interests and just acting in general.”

He broke out into a huge grin before excitedly responding, “To be honest, I’d love to star in a remake of a childhood film I enjoyed, so yeah, I wouldn’t mind. I think it’d be fun!”

You couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride to know he was just as excited at the concept but also because he agreed with you without judgement. However, you could never admit to him that you also would love to see him play one of the love interests Marnie had because you always put yourself in Marnie’s shoes.

Alas, the movie came to an end and he needed to head home for the night. Begrudgingly getting up from the couch, you both had scrambled to pick up the mess you made. After you both finished, you walked him towards the door and you guys bid each other goodbyes, making sure to ask for each other’s phone numbers in advance. You took a deep exhale once the front door shut. It felt like you had been holding in your breath for the evening. You made your way to the bathroom to do your nightly routine before eventually heading to bed. You stayed up most of the night imagining his eyes, the way his chest shifted up and down when breathing, the gentle beating of his heart in your ears, and the laugh that echoed along the walls of your apartment. These thoughts made you feel warm and whole before eventually falling into a deep sleep.

The next day was busy and filled with life as you had more scenes that needed to be filmed. A lot of the cast kept offering you smiles and seemed more chipper than normal towards you. It was eerie and you kept wondering what they knew that you didn't. You could be wrong but it just didn’t feel right. You kept wondering what everyone knew and was doing before bumping into someone. A mess of dark unruly hair flashed into your perspective and you connected the dots as to who it was. Before you could say anything, she beat you to the punch, "I heard from Charlie that you guys had a movie night together,” Madison stated, almost trying to hint at something more. You had a feeling this possibly correlated with what everyone else was wondering or knew. Great, now everyone was beginning to know of your tragic crush on your coworker.

“Oh yeah we did…” You respond with a smile and hope she’d drop it at that.

“Well? What happened? I want all the details!" Mads pressed cheekily.

You begin your woes with Charlie and how the night had played out. Expressing your admiration for the movie, the things you did together, and even the conversation you had about wanting him to play in a remake.

"The way you flirt is shameful," Madison joked.

“Huh,” You questioned. Her saying that confused you because you never said anything about flirting.

“Oh come on, it’s obvious dude,” Mads admitted while elbowing your side with a grin.

“I’m not sure what you mean, Mads,” You argued with a small smile and teasing stare.

“It’s so obvious that you like him! I just didn’t want to say anything because I thought you hadn’t realized yet.” Mads declared with a knowing smile.

It’s sad to say but she was entirely right. You were horrible from keeping your feelings hidden and her realization just proves that statement. Even so, you were getting a good laugh out of this. “Okay okay, yeah I do and yes it is,” you responded to her statements honestly.

“I knew it! I’m just waiting for the marriage proposal and babies now.” Mads responded with a mischievous grin and hearty chuckle.

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing from her honest and wide stretched ideas. You knew there was a lot of teasing coming your way from now on. You were excited to experience it though, she always offered a good laugh and had great advice. Madison was really developing as her own person and was really mature for her age. You admired that in her. It’s just a little sad that you had to get advice and even be called out by a young teen.

Weeks had passed since the whole cast and Mads situation occurred. Currently, you’ve been chatting with Charlie on the daily over the phone. Whether it be a call or simple text, you always had something to look forward to during the day. Hell, you’d get an occasional meme or tiktok sent your way. There were days when you’d even film some tiktok challenges with him for fun. You had a blast whenever he was around and the comment section of both of your accounts were constantly spammed about your guys’ chemistry. Most people were supportive of your friendship and others were quick to ship you guys. You couldn’t deny that you were flustered by the overwhelming support and fanbase sent your way. Charlie always seemed so excited to read or show you the comments that came strolling in after posting anything with you two.

There were multiple times where you’d make eye contact or your faces would be super close together. Your breath would hitch every time and it took a lot to manage your breathing to be normal. You swore up and down this man made you develop asthma. You couldn’t help it, that man took your breath away. The subtle brushes of his hand on your side or arms were never overlooked. Or the way he’d occasionally grasp your hand when directing you somewhere. You noticed all of these little things he did when he was with you. You tried to brush it off as normal but you couldn't help but hope. Mainly when there were a few romantic challenges that you’ve done together online.

The slowburn was killing you. It was near your last few weeks of filming now. You didn’t know what to expect or think anymore. He is openly intimate with anyone he cares about, so it's hard to differentiate platonic from romantic. That was, until he called you randomly on your day off asking something very important. “Hey,” you can hear a small awkward chuckle before he continues, “There's something I need to get off my chest. I’ve been waiting a while to say this...you are always the one at the back of my mind, and I was wondering if I could take you somewhere...like on a date?”

You were silent for a moment. You didn’t expect that type of question out of the blue; let alone from him. Finally you managed to muster up the courage to respond after a few moments of silence, “Uh yeah! Where would we be going and what time?”

“The first part of your question is a surprise, and 8 pm. Dress cute and comfy.” He announced with a cheerful but playful tone.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his cuteness from over the phone. “Okay, I’ll see you then,” You responded with a goofy tone before hanging up.

Now your anxiety was spiraling. You had to figure out what to wear that could fit any occasion since it's a surprise. You knew it wasn’t some fancy dinner. He was more of the spontaneous adventure type for dates, at least, that what you assumed. So instead, you go for a cute pair of jeans, a cute top and flannel, and a few accessories. You paced around your room while contemplating what would occur tonight. You had an hour before he was coming to pick you up and you were trying to buy yourself time. So, you settled for scrolling tiktok and your other social media feeds. All of your content was booming with new likes, follows, and comments. It put a huge smile on your face from all of the support you were receiving before you heard a knock on your front door.

Before you could even say anything, the brunette was already leaning against the doorway and said with the all knowing accent, “How you doin’?”

You couldn’t help but laugh while hurriedly grabbing your keys and saying, “Oh come on Charlie, that’s so cheesy. You used that as a pickup line, really?”

“Hey hey now, they’ll be plenty more before this is over. You might as well accept it,” he cheekily taunts.

While shaking your head and laughing, you make your way out the door and to his vehicle. You see him rush past you to be at the passenger side before you make it and he opens the door as you get closer. You smiled at the thoughtful action and decided not to mention it just yet. You adjusted yourself into the seat before buckling up and looking at the radio. “Hey, could I use the aux cord to play some music?” You ask quickly.

He looks over at you before nodding his head and handing you the cord. You plug it into your phone before shuffling through your playlists to pick a song. All the while Charlie is pulling out of the apartment complex parking zone. Soon you finally manage to pick a song and immediately click it. You adjusted the volume while waiting for the first tune to come out. Soon enough the song began. “Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da”

You were already goofily singing along and tapping the beat along the dashboard. Soon enough the singing began, “Take a look at my girlfriend. She's the only one I got (ba ba da da) Not much of a girlfriend; I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da). It's been some time since we last spoke. This is gonna sound like a bad joke, but momma I fell in love again. It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend.”

He was staring at you as he sang along to the lyrics; never breaking eye contact as the song continued. You wondered what it would be like to be called his girlfriend and introduced to his family. You’d never met them before but you hear amazing stories all the time from the bubbly brunette beside you.

“And I know it sounds so old, but cupid got me in a chokehold, and I'm afraid I might give in. Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'. I mean she even cooks me pancakes and Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches. If that ain't love then I don't know what love is.”

You pondered what it would be like to have breakfast with him or to be around on his sick days. Those were vulnerable moments in a person’s life and it made you crave that even more.

“We even got a secret handshake”

You guys did have a ‘secret’ handshake. It originated sometime during a tiktok because you thought it would be a great filler moment for one of the videos.

“And she loves the music that my band makes”

You adored JATP and Sunset Curve. You listened to the first season’s Now or Never on repeat. You adored anything that had to do with his voice, honestly. Some of his covers on tiktok and Instagram were shamelessly saved. You’d go back and listen to them when you needed a “pick me up.”

“I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun.”

It was true. If any moments with him meant losing time in the day, it was well worth it. Even so, you both were screaming along to these lyrics and had huge smiles the entire time. The chorus played out the speakers and along the walls of the car once more before continuing with, “It's been a while since we talked last and I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast, but dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one. Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son.”

God, you crave the acceptance of his family. It was eating at you constantly. You weren’t even dating the guy yet and already worried for the day you had to prove yourself to the family that helped him become the man he is today. That’s a lot to handle for someone mentally, mainly if they don’t end up liking you. They’re his flesh and blood and you’d never want to come between that.

“And I know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long, but I promise this is on a whole new plane. I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)”

You pondered for a moment who he might have dated and his love life in general. After all, were you his normal type? Do you have an effect on him? You brushed away the thought as the next lyrics played, “I love it when she calls my phone. She even got her very own ringtone. If that ain't love then I don't know what love is (ba ba da da)”

You smiled at the thought of him possibly looking forward to your random calls about whatever you were thinking about at the moment. You were always excited to receive a call from him. You’d always hear the ringtone for him which was currently set to ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay. After all, he was your yellow. But you did wonder what yours might’ve been on his. Hell, knowing him he’d probably just left it to the generic tone or a funny one.

“It's gonna be a long drive home but I know as soon as I arrive home, and I open the door, take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor. She'll be back into my arms once more for sure.”

You wished for the day you were together and could experience that level of comfort. Hoping for the day you could come home from a tiring day at work and just bask in the comfort of your partner’s arms. You imagined it for a little while longer while the chorus continued once again. You couldn’t help but space out and daydream for a different time. You knew Charlie was probably looking at you like you were crazy for spacing out randomly but you couldn’t seem to break your thoughts away.

“She's got a smile that would make the most senile, annoying old man bite his tongue. I'm not done. She's got eyes comparable to sunrise and it doesn't stop there. Man, I swear, she's got porcelain skin of course she's a 10, and now she's even got her own song. But movin' on, she's got the cutest laugh I ever heard and we can be on the phone for three hours; not sayin' one word. And I would still cherish every moment, and when I start to build my future she's the main component. Call it dumb, call it luck, call it love, or whatever you call it but everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here.”

You were still in your own little thoughts while these lyrics played. Even when spaced out, you could still see the figure beside you absolutely jamming along to the lyrics like he meant every word. He was so expressive and happy as he sang along. He was in his element and you adored it. You slowly stopped spacing out and focused on the man beside you as he continued to sing along.

Charlie stopped at the red light, just as the last few moments of the chorus played along in the background. You were belting along again and acting out the lyrics in your own charming way. Your hair illuminated from the sun’s warm glare and your skin was shining in an almost ethereal-like way. Your body language screamed serenity and fluidity. He couldn’t help but be enraptured by your free spirit. His gaze was solely focused on you as you sang along, almost as if he was scared to look away for he’d miss a single moment of you. Both parties could feel the positivity and connection radiating off each other. As the song neared its end, you sat back breathless from your little show-stopping performance. You finally turned back to Charlie and you couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed by his expression. It was pure awe and it made you feel flustered. His stare was piercing and shined with adoration. His smile was wider than any other moment you’ve ever experienced with him.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” You asked with a bashful smile while brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

He chuckled before responding, “Can’t I just admire you for a second? I don’t see this often.”

You were confused by his statement at first, that was until you realized what his words truly meant. You had shown a part of yourself that others rarely see, the goofy and open side. Yes, you goofed around with friends and cast members but you still had your timid or closed-off self. However, this is the side of yourself that oozed confidence, and only he got to experience it at this moment. Which was something you’d both treasure from this moment forward. You’d thankfully managed to notice the light had turned green in the nick of time.

“C, the light is green!” You warned but had a huge smile on your face as you said so.

“I know,” he said teasingly while staring at you for a moment longer before driving once more.

You pulled up to the park where you could almost make out something in the distance. It appeared to be a few things laying out on the grass. One of those things being a square shape, probably a blanket. Putting two and two together, you realized it was a picnic date. Your heart swelled at the wholesome idea and admired him for the effort. You hadn’t even seen the entire setup and were already swooning. You look up at him and give him a lovesick smile before he quickly shuffled out of the door and ran to your side. He was a helpless romantic and believed chivalry wasn’t dead. So being the gentleman he was, he opened the door for you and offered you his hand so it would be easier to leave the Subaru. You giggle and say, “such a gentleman.”

He flashes you another smile before saying, “You deserve the world. I may not be able to offer much, but for you, I’ll do anything.”

Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest at the response he gave you. It wasn’t something you were used to from him. It was endearing, to say the least. You both made your way to your picnic spot. A soft blanket and cute basket were laying out. There was even a bouquet of your favorite flowers and his guitar laying along the grass. All of your favorite snacks and drinks were inside the basket. You were giddy as you looked at everything before you. “This is so sweet, C.” you gushed.

“I wanted to prove to you that I take your heart seriously and that I care.” He seemed shy while he spoke but his eyes were open and honest. He meant every word.

“You have nothing to prove, that you haven’t already, Gillespie.” You teased while softly punching his arm.

He playfully hit back as he responded, “I know but I still wanted to.”

“Fair. Okay, what do you want to do?” You asked.

The poor guy blanked for a moment. He seemed at a loss at your question. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I didn’t think I’d get this far,” he admitted.

You laughed before asking, “Why’s that?”

He chuckled before his face switched to a more serious note, “I always thought of you as unobtainable. You were so interesting and motivated and open to others. I didn’t know if you saw me as anything more than a friend. It started as an attraction but soon I had gotten really close with you and it developed into more. By then I was scared that if I said something, I could lose you.”

You were frozen. You didn’t anticipate this type of response. After all, these are only things you’d experience in fanfiction. It made you feel special. If it wasn’t for the fact that you were in public, you’d probably cry. You’d been dying to hear his side and now you finally have.

“In all honesty, I felt the same way. That you were unattainable, that is.” You responded while looking down.

You kept peering down at the blanket before feeling his hand cup your cheek and tilting your head up. Your eyes met his own before the question left his lips, “And why’s that?” By now if any oxygen was entering your lungs, you damn well couldn’t feel it. His gaze was paralyzing and it took a few moments for you to break away from it. You shifted back a bit to give your heart the break it needed before finally speaking up, “Because. You are you. This lovable and goofy guy. You are adventurous and never take no for an answer. You push others to be their best. You never speak of romance and you always seemed more interested in popular celebrities.”

He chuckled at your response. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me, this is embarrassing to admit,” You whined. You tried to hide the small smile making its way onto your face.

“I’m not laughing at you. Just at the thought that we both thought the other wasn’t interested. I mean come on! Oh, and hey, never be embarrassed to be open with me. I say embarrassing things and do embarrassing things all the time.” He opened up.

“Okay, so what’s one thing you are embarrassed to admit?” You asked curiously. The question honestly intrigued you and his response even more so. Plus, it made it easier to avoid continuing the awkward things you said prior.

“I may have tipped everyone off to not come to your movie night months ago so I could finally have alone time with you,” He answered honestly. You were shocked by two things in that sentence; his boldness and that he had done something like that to gain your attention.

“If you wanted to spend time with me, all you had to do was ask!” you shrieked before pushing his shoulder playfully.

You both were laughing and enjoying the honesty. You never expected him to be the sneaky type and plan something like that. However, it did make a lot of sense looking back. Now it was time for him to ask something, and of course, he continued the intimate questionnaires. “Why did you choose to come with me tonight?” he asked curiously.

He seemed invested by your answer but you could tell by his body language that he was a little antsy. He was brushing his arms and shifting his legs a lot while he waited for you to answer. “I thought, well, for once in my life I should make a decision for myself that would be adventurous, put me out of my comfort zone, and just to let me be happy. I didn’t expect you to ever actually ask me out, but I’m glad you did.” You answered honestly.

He seemed bewildered by your response but still broke out into his heart-stopping grin. You really did know how to blow the man away every time you showed another side of yourself. The questions continued for what seemed like hours and it was now dark out. Even so, the conversation was just as lively and Charlie couldn’t help but stare at you. Your eyes were sparkling from the night’s ever glowing moon. He could only gaze at your face and appreciate your features; your lashes hiding the gleam in your eyes and the soft crinkles of your lids. A hearty chuckle belted out of those lips; the ones he so desperately wanted to kiss. As you continued to banter for the rest of the night, he could never manage to tear his eyes away from your face and he liked it that way.

As the conversation continued and got more intimate so did your closeness. Now, his lips are mere centimeters from you; feeling his breath ghost your lips...and all you could manage to describe this moment as is intoxicating. His eyes drifted longingly between your lips and eyes before you could just barely feel his lips lift into a smirk. Just then when all else felt like it had disappeared around you and the pale moonlight lit up your figures, he grasped your waist and the impossible became possible as his hand gripped you and pulled you into a kiss; one that ignited something inside of you, inside of himself. Others always described having the kiss from “the one” as fireworks but in reality, it felt different. Fireworks are quick and go out just as they start...this was something entirely more addicting. You’d describe this kiss as tingly, but not the type of tingles you feel when cold, instead, something that engulfs your entire body and you can’t help but feel weak to it. You fall prey to the feeling of warmth and lightheadedness it offers. All the while trying to manage to gasp for air while you can hear your heart beating in your ears. You were almost entirely sure he could probably feel your heart beating out of your chest. “Maybe sometimes slow burn is okay for the plot,” you thought to yourself while still locking lips with the Canadian actor. Was it simply luck that caused you to meet him that fateful day...or was it the universe giving you the answers you needed all your life? The answer is...your spark.

[waffles-for-brunch]

This project began as an indirect response to a few negative tweets in the days following the Valentine's Day Destiel wedding. During such time that “certain sources” chose to speak against the impromptu "wedding" and state that the direction of the show never included sexuality or romance. Since this argument has sparked a bit of discourse as to the validity of Dean Winchester and Castiel's relationship and sexualities, I began this edit as an exploration of observations throughout the entire 15 season run of the series. (That's not to say that Sam does not also have his own impactful romances throughout the show -he does have several notable ones- but in his case they are never debated upon or erased.)

There are three complete edits linked below. The differences are explained in their descriptions. (I also recommend downloading for best quality rather than simply watching in the browser, but it’s your choice)

BiDeanEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 18:04:44

File Size: 10.0 GB (10,741,415,805 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities (ie interest in both genders). This edit focuses on their relationship as it develops with one another, their other notable relationships (DeanxBenny, CasxMeg, DeanxLisa, etc), and the framework around their sexualities with small scenes of expression (ie Dean in ‘Playthings’ or ‘Everybody Hates Hitler’, or early seasons Dean & his transgressions with women, or Cas in ‘Caged Heat’)

BiDeanMLMEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 14:40:57

File Size: 8.05 GB (8,649,798,685 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities. This one is the same as the last but with only MLM content (Otherwise referred to as ‘only the gay parts’). We focus on this more repressed side of their sexuality and see these clues laid out altogether in one fluid edit (these examples are also available in the previous edit, however are just not aligned beside any heterosexual content). DeanxCrowley, DeanxBenny, DeanxLee, DeanxCas, etc. 

DestielOnlyEdit: (Click here to download)

Runtime: 13:08:49

File Size: 7.17 GB (7,709,560,696 bytes)

Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of only Destiel related content. The same as the above edit, just simplified even more to only focus on Dean and Cas’ relationship over the years. 

Keep reading below to find my full analysis of the complete edit regarding these guys sexualities, relationships, and the parallels we can draw. 

To understand why it is that so many queer fans of Supernatural and other similar shows read queerness in characters and their relationships, we should look at the hays code established in 1930. At this time this certain code was established to monitor what was allowed to be depicted outright on film. Within the margins of what was to be stifled, was homosexuality. As such, filmmakers had to plant “queer-coded” seeds into the writing and subtext so that queer audiences watching could interpret these characters and relationships in this manner without the words and actions stating so outright. (At this time homosexuality could be depicted on film as long as said gay character was either a villain, caricature, or met an untimely end- feeding into the blossoming of the kill-your-gays trope. But that’s another topic for a later time.) 

As film changed over the years and times became more accepting of lgbt characters portrayals on screen outside of simple coding, this did not make the code obsolete. Queer-coding and queer-baiting are often used in media in present day as a way to pull in viewership. Networks are able to garner the best of both worlds, in a sense. They can draw in heterosexual audiences that may not want to watch queer media, whilst also drawing in queer audiences by coding some characters and relationships just enough to pull those viewers in. This works simply because there is such a lack of queer representation in most media that we’ll take what we can get. 

This is where Supernatural comes in. There is a reason that Supernatural and thus “Destiel” is known by some as “The Great American Queerbait.” This twelve years long gay slow-burn between one overly masculine character and his awkward angel best friend did not begin with the intention of romance or baiting, as many of these things generally don’t. However, once fans realized the chemistry between these two particular actors and characters, it became something blatantly written into the show. Sometimes jokingly, other times as legitimate moments of emotional intimacy between two characters. So to say that the show’s direction never included sexuality or romance is, to put it bluntly, bullshit. Just because something is not written in clear and concise wording right in your face, does not mean that it is nonexistent and that the writers did not know what they were writing into the show. (Not even to mention the actual love confession in 15x18, but I digress). 

We know very well that queer content has been written subtextually into media for the better part of seventy years. It is a language in media just as much as lighting is a language, just as much as certain camera angles, color design in costumes or set decor, and music design are languages. All of these, outside of the simple words said on screen, make up our media and these characters and our shows. Tv is a world of color, not black and white.

[[ further readings on the above topics: X X X X X ]] 

I decided upon this full edit encompassing both the female and male aspects of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships & sexualities because oftentimes when we’re looking into potentially queer characters we tend to focus on the same sex attraction and neglect the opposite sex attraction. Both are very important to acknowledge and compare, if at the very least to view where they may overcompensate, where toxic masculinity may come into play, compulsory heterosexuality, trauma responses, etc. Sometimes what a character doesn’t do is just as important to interpret as what they do do. 

For instance, Dean Winchester. If we are to operate under the assumption that he is bisexual, any repression we witness throughout the series as to his male attraction is likely to be a result of his difficult upbringing, similar to most queer identifying people with childhood trauma. His father is a marine, the picture of manliness in which Dean himself blatantly embodies in an effort to impress and make his father proud in any way he can. Dean is already unlikely to seek out activities in any aspect of life of which might make John look at him in a different light (ie, in an every day setting, even simply watching Finding Dory- this is not something S1 Dean would have admitted to liking, but we see Dean in later seasons standing up for himself and his appreciation for it). 

Is it perhaps for this reason that we see Dean as an overly blatant and flirty ladies man in season 1 when John is still alive, while this side of him steadily declines as the series continues? It even becomes established in season 3- in light of Dean’s fears surrounding going to Hell, he enters an attitude for coping that Sam recognizes- hypermasculinity, promiscuity, deflection. Heightening the idea that this caricature of himself that he embodies is a mask that he wears in order to cope with something else. He is donning the image he assumes others think he should fit into. Sam calls him out on this through the years, and eventually this becomes something we see in him less and less as he feels more comfortable simply being himself. 

If we take into account the time of which this first season is filmed, this is 2005, a time where gay jokes were still funny and an overcompensating character was a joke attached to it. We see Dean built up in these first couple of seasons through this lens of jokes about a hyper-masculine character being mistaken for gay, however instead of this building up the masculinity to encourage a raging heterosexual characterization, this overcompensation is exactly what inadvertently sows the seeds of queer-coding. To queer watchers this reads as a deeply repressed character with childhood trauma who overcompensates when faced with observations of gayness and uses hypermasculinity to counteract these accusations. 

It is through circumstances such as “Bugs” in S1 or “Playthings” in S2 that we first see these ‘jokes.’ The brothers are mistaken as a gay couple. Dean being the more “masculine’ of the two characters has a blatant reaction to these situations (Overcompensating), and Sam’s lack of a reaction is what solidifies his own straightness all the more. Neither brother is homophobic (this becomes established as time goes on) so why would either have a problem with this mistake? Sam wouldn’t care because he’s clearly not gay- in fact, he usually just laughs it off. Dean would care because he wonders what about him looks gay? Do other people see it too? Do they know? What’s wrong with him? 

We also see another blatant example of this type of freakout in season 8. “Everybody Hates Hitler.”

(Images: “Playthings” S2xE11)

(Image below: S8 “Everybody Hates Hilter”)

We frame these situations in early seasons around girl of the week scenarios and brief bar flirtations. Have to make it clear that our manly straight character looks as manly and straight as possible. Dean is also in his 20s, he’s more carefree/not as traumatized yet, and he is a sexual man so he does sleep around quite a bit. What is notable, however, is how much this drops off in later seasons. As time goes on Dean seeks out less and less the fleeting encounters of one night stands, in favor of genuine connections- even if he himself frequently doubts his own ability to ever have a settle-down type of relationship or life. Lisa is the only long-term female romantic relationship Dean ever has throughout the series run, and this tentatively begins in season 5 and ends in season 6. 

Dean and Lisa’s relationship is founded more in a dream of something that Dean wants to be rather than who he actually is. Although he loves her, their bond is made through trauma and their relationship overall is reminiscent of a soldier who returned home from war with heavy PTSD and begins to burden the family that he will come to realize he doesn’t quite fit within anymore. 

Outside of this, his closest relationships from thereon out are between Benny, and Castiel. 

Let’s start with Benny. Throughout season 8 Benny is framed as an ex and his relationship with Dean directly parallels Sam and Amelia’s. Both brothers must confront their relationships with their ‘significant others’ and decide whether to cut them off or proceed. Both brothers found these people under circumstances in which they did not get along with them at first but were pushed together. Another person comes in the middle of their relationship (Amelia’s husband for Sam, or Cas/Sam for Benny). The brothers each resent the other’s significant other or the circumstances surrounding the relationship. Sam hates Benny because he is a vampire and Sam does not understand why Dean continually trusts him (which is a circumstance inherently queer-coded in itself for comparability to an unaccepting family). Dean does not care for Amelia simply for the fact that Sam chose her over looking for him in purgatory.

Other instances we see parallels between Sam’s romances and Dean’s:

“Sex and Violence” S4 siren: Nick(Siren)/Dean parallel to Sam/Dr Lady

Season 4: Ruby/Sam and Cas/Dean teamup parallels

S1 Dean pulling Sam from the fire away from Jess vs S12 Sam pulling Dean away from Cas who may die approaching Lucifer to fight

Season 8: Dean/Benny vs Sam/Amelia. Dean and Benny, since they’re essentially going through a breakup, are directly paralleled to Sam and Amelia and their breakup. See “Larp and the Real Girl” for Charlie and Dean’s conversation about Sam’s recent breakup and Charlie picking up on the fact that Dean might also be going through one. 

1x05 vs 8x07: Sam seeing Jessica on the sidewalk as they drive down the street vs Dean seeing Cas on the side of the road as he drives down the street

S11: Perhaps this one can be interpreted loosely and not necessarily romantic (esp on Sam’s end), but “O’ Brother Where Art Thou” both brothers are drawn to forces they actively fight against being drawn to. SamxLucifer and DeanxAmara. 

S11: “Beyond the Mat” not a relationship but with crushes/infatuations. Dean with Gunner Lawless and Sam with Rio. 

S15: Cas telling Dean that “We Are” real. vs Eileen being unsure what’s real and Sam kissing her and saying “I know that was real.”

S15: “The Trap” Dean loses all hope following the death of their friends and primarily Cas. Sam loses hope after Eileen’s death. Directly paralleled in the episode. (We also see Sam lose Eileen in 15x18, where Dean also loses Cas)

Additional parallels between Dean/Cas with anyone else:

Season 9/10: Cain/Colette vs Dean/Cas. “She only asked for one thing. To stop.” vs Cas asking Dean to “Stop”. Both circumstances referring to the Mark of Cain.

S12 “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” Lily (human)/Isham (angel) vs Dean (human)/ Cas (angel)

Led Zeppelin: This music means something within John/Mary’s relationship, which Dean directly acknowledges in 12x01 with Mary. We find out Dean has gifted Cas a mixtape of his “Top 13 Zepp Traxx” in 12x19. (the implications of Dean having made a mixtape for Cas, being its own point in a different discussion)

When Lucifer contacts a person to try and get them to open up to him, he uses their dead lover as a ploy. SamxJess, NickxSarah, VincexJen, DeanxCas - 15x19 when Lucifer calls Dean using Cas’ voice. 

The parallels of unreciprocated love/infatuation. DeanxCrowley and CasxHannah. Dean likes Crowley but clearly not the way that Crowley likes Dean. Cas likes Hannah like a friend or sister, but she keeps putting the moves on him for awhile and he appears deeply uncomfortable and has to shoot her down more than once. 

Parallels between Dean’s own relationships:

Dean in “Let it Bleed” torturing demons to find the location of Lisa and Ben vs Dean in Purgatory torturing monsters to find the location of Cas “The angel”

“The Rapture” opens in Dean’s dream which Cas visits and says he’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately. “The Song Remains The Same” opens in Dean’s dream which Anna visits and says she’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately. 

S6 Dean dodging calls from Lisa vs S12 Dean dodging Cas at the beginning of “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” (notable also how Sam treats both circumstances the same)

S11: “Into the Mystic” 11x11 Mildred tells Dean the key to living a long and happy life is to follow your heart. Later in the season “All in the Family” 11x21 When Casifer is still captured by Amara, she puts her hand to Cas’ heart and is able to connect with Dean to contact him. Hinting at the link between Cas and Dean’s “hearts.” 

Not necessarily a parallel but an observation. 7x01 when Cas is loaded up on God juice, and Dean has given up but Sam hasn’t and wants to talk to ��the guy’, Dean says, “He’s not a guy, he’s God.” But in 11x18 Dean refuses to give up on Cas and let him continue to be possessed. Sam keeps speaking about Cas like he’s just a vessel and Dean says, “It? It’s not an it, Sam. It’s Cas.” Mostly this shows the development of their relationship and Dean’s willingness to continue to fight for him. 

Dean’s dream world with Pamela in S14, she says to Dean “How come you only want what you can’t have?” and in S15 during Cas’ confession scene he says to Dean, “The one thing I want, is something I know I can’t have.”

Before we delve into Dean and Castiel specifically, let’s explore a few more things regarding Dean. 

Let’s start with Cassie. This is Dean’s first romantic relationship we see on the show, and is arguably his first love. What is notable about her is her characterization and Dean in relation to her. We haven’t seen him in a relationship before, and thus this is the baseline to which we can draw how he is in this type of vulnerable state.

We see here that he is drawn to strong individuals. Cassie is a very strong willed character and can hold her own. She has a boldness about her. Dean appreciates that. We see similar in his next framed love interest: Jo Harvelle. Jo is another strong character, and though Dean sees her more as someone he needs to protect because she doesn’t have as much experience under her belt, he respects her intellect and strong will all the same. They connect through a love for hunting and mutual daddy issues. Personally, this is a relationship I view more as a little sister dynamic in a similar vein to Dean and Charlie, however this pairing is still worth noting because as it was written it was intended to potentially flourish into a romantic relationship. This did not pan out, though the seeds are still there. 

Next up is Anna. Again daddy issues are a solid connection these two hold, and while this relationship is more of a one-night-stand than anything else, there are still important points to be taken from this encounter. The first is just how much Dean cares. We don’t see very many sex scenes with Dean throughout the series, but of the ones we do see, it is apparent that he is a gentle and tender man. He cares. About even a single night with a woman. (Cassie, Anna, Lydia ’The Slice Girls”) This is a contrast to Dean’s general persona of the masculine straight promiscuous lady’s man. He has all the bravado of a man who ‘loves em and leaves em’, but in reality that is not who he is. This is another example of the faces Dean wears in front of certain people (and what he thinks they expect of him), and the person he is once he lets that mask fall. 

It may be important to note as well that Anna, (it is rumored) was originally meant to be more to Dean than this simple one night stand and connection. She was intended to become a romantic interest but, as it turned out, Dean and Cas had more chemistry so the arc that Anna was meant to follow was instead given to Castiel. 

It is another year until the apocalypse comes along, Sam dies, and Dean falls back into Lisa’s lap. While Lisa is another strong-willed woman who rolls with the punches, her lifestyle deviates from Dean’s usual romantic interests simply because of her offering of a normal life outside of everything he’s usually known. A life with her is dipping his toe into a life he could have had if he didn’t hold the weight of the world on his shoulders and hunt the things that go bump in the night.

This is Dean’s last “official” relationship of the series. After putting Lisa and Ben in danger by being someone that he cares about, Dean accepts that he’s simply not a guy that can have a normal life or a normal family. He cares about people and they get hurt. This is a weight he holds on his shoulders for the remainder of the show. He loves someone, or more accurately, they love him, and they’ll get hurt. End of story. It doesn’t help that immediately following this, Castiel “dies” too. 

Maybe it’s Lisa, maybe it’s Cas. Maybe it’s a combination of the two at this point in time, but Dean is never again the same when it comes to relationships after these events at the end of season 6. He becomes more cautious, tries to keep people an arm’s length away, and we even begin to see less and less promiscuity and flirting with miscellaneous women from this point on. 

Let’s talk about Castiel.

Although Dean has had various queer-coded moments throughout the beginning of the series and up to Castiel’s entrance in season 4, his minimal relationships up to this point have all been with women. Simply exploring the evolution of this relationship from Dean’s side of the picture, Dean doesn’t start to truly warm up to Castiel until perhaps the end of season 4. He begins the season unsure of the angel, perhaps even a bit afraid of him, before the two garner a sort of mutual respect as Dean begins to see that there’s more to him than simply an agent of heaven.

They’re friends in season 5. The quirky, strange angel that doesn’t understand social cues, stands too close, stares too much, and says things like “we’re making it up as we go” and “tonight you’re my little bitch.” He’s a far cry from the ethereal entity that showed up in Bobby’s kitchen just a year ago and threatened to toss Dean back into Hell. What really turns the curve, however, is “The End.” 

5 years in the future in the midst of an apocalyptic war, Cas is still around. He’s human and he’s stuck by Dean’s side through it all, even though this Dean is just a shadow of his former self. Then again, so is this Cas. But still, they stuck together. Dean isn’t used to that. He has very few people that have stuck by him for this many years. Could probably count them all on one hand at this point. Bobby and Sam at the top of the list. Everyone else either dies or leaves. And in this future, Bobby and Sam are dead, but Cas is still there.  

Dean has abandonment issues. His mother died when he was four, his dad was in and out emotionally and physically his entire upbringing, Sam left for Stanford the first chance he got. He’s got strings of dead friends and lost relationships surely in tow for years at this point, and half the time Dean has become accustomed to pushing people away before they have a chance to push him away first. (Ie Cassie, Lisa, often even Sam too at times). Cas won’t make these issues any better during their run together, but up to this point Cas hasn’t let him down. The simple fact that in this one future universe Cas had stuck by him, I’m sure that makes a big difference to Dean and actually may be imperative for their relationship going forward and the trust that forms between them. 

Something that becomes a large part of their relationship is Cas and Dean’s ability to have conversations with just their eyes. This is a shorthand that Dean is known to have with Sam on occasion, especially during times of combat. It takes a certain amount of intimacy and knowledge of the other person to be able to have a shorthand like this. The first instance we see this between them is quite possibly “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” when Dean convinces Cas that they can save the town. We see it again in the ‘beautiful room’ when Cas slams Dean up against the wall and Dean seems to understand what’s happening. Another instance, “The Song Remains the Same.” In a way, it’s a locking of eyes that just seems to say “trust me,” and they do. 

Sam wonders if Anna may be right. If killing him and scattering the pieces will stop this whole Lucifer vessel business. Sam asks Cas, Cas looks to Dean, they share a look, and Cas shuts Sam down. In all likelihood that plan could have worked, but Cas wouldn’t do that Dean. He wouldn’t do it to Sam either but at this point he’ll do anything at all for Dean. 

If we take a moment to consider Dean and Cas’ relationship here, it is unlike any of Dean’s previous ones. Dean never has this same kind of shorthand with any of his other relationships, save for possibly Benny to a certain extent. Cas is an odd guy, and Dean frequently describes him as such, but he finds it endearing (if “Free to be You and Me” is any indication this early in their relationship). The previous women in his life all had the same thing in common, that they’re strong willed, brave, and don’t put up with Dean’s shit when he’s being a shit. Cas does fit all this criteria, but he’s also someone that Dean has a hard time reading. Cas is so literal sometimes that Dean can’t tell what’s literal, what’s deadpan, and what’s just Cas’ personality as an angel. But at the end of the day, simply put, he likes him and he trusts him. Getting Dean Winchester’s full trust as quickly as Cas gets it is an anomaly all on its own. 

Dean’s female relationships are fairly surface level. They’re easy and fairly uncomplicated. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. Girl gets mad at boy, relationship ends. Easy. Expected. His relationship with Cas isn’t easy. But the big endgame relationships seldom are. There’s blood, loss of trust, rebuilding, and there’s a pull that at the end of the day always brings them back to one another no matter how incredibly messy things get.  

And boy do things get messy. If we touch back into the end of season 6 where things end with Lisa and blow up with Cas, Dean is at an all time low in the relationship department. 

Dean takes Cas’ betrayal hard. Breakups are one thing. Leaving Lisa was expected. It was bound to happen eventually. Dean always knew that somewhere inside. He mourns leaving them, but knows it’s for the best. But with Cas’ betrayal at working with Crowley, he’s devastated all over again. 

Dean never expects his relationships to last forever, but again there’s a choice few people in his life he lets take up space on the list of those who might stick around. Bobby, Sam, Cas. I don’t think Lisa was ever on this list, as much as Dean wishes he could tell himself she and Ben were. But they weren’t. That relationship was a ticking time bomb. And when they nearly die because of his life and the creatures surrounding him every day, that’s the end of it.

Fast forward, season 7 is a time of mourning. He’s lost Lisa and Ben, he gets Cas back for all of 30 minutes before losing him all over again and never being able to repair that relationship. But he keeps the trenchcoat. Fishes it out of the lake, bundles it up, and keeps it in the back of every single car that he and Sam drive that year. 

Dean doesn’t keep mementos. Not of Cassie, not of Jo, Not of Anna, or even Lisa and Ben. No pictures, no items, just memories. You know what he does keep? He keeps his dad’s leather jacket, Bobby’s flask, pictures of he and Sam and his mom. Is keeping the trenchcoat in the back of the car for a year similar to those familial keepsakes? Maybe. But it’s also more than that. It’s covered in blood and lake water, and I’m sure Dean would explain it away that Cas was family and that’s why he kept the coat. Probably even believes that too. 

Then we have purgatory. 

Dean prays to Cas every night. He could get out of that place just on his own, but he stays there for months in full combat just to look for the angel and get him out with him.

“First we find the angel”

“Cas, we’re gettin’ out of here. We’re going home.”

“Cas, buddy, I need you.”

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”

“Cas, we’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

“It’s gonna work. Nobody gets left behind.”

When we meet Benny, Dean’s only other primary male pairing of consequence, he is not trusted. This team-up is one of strategy and a mutual goal only- at least at first. Dean and Benny fight well side by side, but the trust only runs so far. That is, until during one particular fight with leviathans in which Cas nearly bites it, Benny saves the angel’s life. This is the main turning point for Dean’s entire trust in Benny from here on out. 

“Benny has never let me down.” Dean says later to Sam. And he never did. He saved Cas, got Dean out of purgatory, and then later on he gets himself sent back to purgatory just so he can help Dean’s brother get out of there. 

Dean and Benny’s relationship was “pure” in purgatory. They didn’t have to worry as much about the fact that Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter, they were just brothers in arms who earned one another’s trust, respect and love. There’s no way you let a man kill you and send you to purgatory to save his brother if you don’t love him. 

 Their relationship once they broke out of purgatory is where things began to sour, not because of anything either of them did to the other, but more the space they let grow. Regular Earth was different from purgatory and these men had to go back to their roles and say sayonara. “What happened in purgatory stayed in purgatory” and all that. Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter. That kind of thing mattered here despite the fact that they did care for one another. 

Dean and Benny’s tumultuous relationship in relation to the people in Dean’s life could be reminiscent of a queer experience in itself. A lack of acceptance from Sam, Bobby, Martin- Dean’s family. Not because of who Benny was, but what he was. Pair this with the already established fact that Amelia and Sam were a direct parallel to Dean and Benny, Season 8 has been one of the most blatantly queer-coded seasons as of yet. 

Which brings us to “Goodbye Stranger.” It is established early on this season that Dean feels that there’s something wrong with Cas, something off about him. The fact that they don’t know how he popped out of purgatory is just one part of it. It’s in the way he acts, how spacey he is, the fact that he doesn’t answer Dean’s prayers. “I always come when you call.” Cas once said. And he did. Until now.

This is another aspect of their relationship which is simply there and not spoken about much- similar to their staring and eye communication thing they do. Dean started their relationship unable to read all of Cas’ quirks very well and unsure of the guy. Now, he’s fluent in the language of Cas. He knows by tone of voice, by shiftiness, by his expressions- when something is up. Maybe he started paying more attention after the whole Rafael situation until he could read Cas like the back of his hand, or maybe he just started paying attention just to pay attention. 

He’s known something is wrong for months while Cas has been under Naomi’s control. Just the same as years later, he knows something is up when Lucifer is taking a ride in Cas’ body. And he knows in 12x15 just by the way Cas speaks on the phone that something is off with him. 

They come upon the angel tablet in the crypt, and Dean does fight back when Cas starts in on him, but he spends even more energy trying to get Cas to come back to him and fight whatever force has him under control. He never once stopped to think that this was just Cas. “This isn’t you! Fight this!” Dean would repeat over and over as Cas beats him nearly to death. 

There was a moment he certainly thought that Cas would kill him, and it seemed like he was more bothered by the fact that it was Cas that would do it more so than the thought of dying. 

Cas breaks through the mind control, heals Dean. Then he leaves. So, again, Cas leaves. He keeps doing that to Dean. I stated before that Dean’s abandonment issues come into play in this relationship, but unlike at the beginning where Dean saw a future that Cas stays in, this Cas keeps coming and going. This makes it difficult for Dean to trust him fully, to rely on him. But the fact of the matter is that he does still trust him completely, and that’s what bothers Dean. 

When Cas does come back again, collapsed and bloody in the middle of the street, Dean puts up a wall. He’s hurt and he’s tired. He doesn’t want to trust him as much as he does and he definitely doesn’t want him to keep coming and going without a thought. (What’s interesting to note here, though, is Dean’s change in character as this occurs through the years. Because while here he may simply give Cas the cold shoulder and not talk much about his hurt in this situation, we see later on in 12x19 after Dean has been fretting for days about where Cas has gone off to, and Cas finally does return, he voices his side of things. “With everything that’s going on, you can’t just go dark like that. We didn’t know what happened to you. We were worried, that’s not okay.”)

Naomi hits the nail on the head when she visits Dean after Castiel disappears and she notices Dean still hasn’t warded the boat against angels. It is moments like these that we realize just how much everyone else around these two also notice their chemistry and their deep devotion to one another, always seeming to fall back to one another. 

“I think you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.” - Balthazar S6

“The stench of that impala is all over your overcoat, angel.” - Crowley S6

“Castiel? Oh, he’s not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you.” -Uriel S4

(to Dean) “Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.” - Meg S7

“I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love, what you fear.” - The Empty S13

“And then after a rousing speech, his true weakness is revealed. He’s in love... with humanity.” - Metatron S9

“I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because, one, that’s... interesting. And, two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.” - Kipling S14

“And for what again? Oh, that’s right, to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you drape yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was about saving one human, right? Well, guess what? He’s dead, too.” - Metatron S9

“Don’t lose it all over one man.” - Hannah S9

“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell he was lost!” - Hester S7

“Oh, sweet. Almost anything. Castiel? He’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.” - Miriam S13

“And then you’d kill the angel, Castiel. Now that one, that I suspect would hurt something awful.” - Cain S10

“He should know this- Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.” - Amara S11

“I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness, the same way I cured my own. By cutting it out.” - Isham S12

Bonus: Dean to Sam about Garth’s baby Castiel- Dean: “This Cas keeps looking at me weird.” Sam: “So kinda like the real Cas.”

It is time and again that opposing forces recognize the relationship between Dean and Castiel, and it’s commented on and used against them frequently.

As we move forward to the angels falling and human Castiel, this season opens up with dean in the hospital with a very ill Sam. The first thing he does before contacting anyone else is pray to Castiel. There’s a moment in 9x03 where Castiel walks into a church and speaks with a woman there. He expresses his lack of faith and she says, “I guess that’s why we pray. You need something stronger than yourself.” Dean never prayed until he started praying to Cas. He prayed to Cas during the apocalypse, in purgatory, when Sam was sick during the trials, now in this hospital. Dean might not have faith in God, but he does in Cas. 

Castiel is human, and while Dean tears apart the grid trying to find him while angels are on Cas’ ass, he still watches him die, then has to kick him from the safety of the bunker the very same day. Up until this point, Cas has been a genuine part of their family regardless of their squabbles over the past months, but kicking him from the bunker damages that. Once the reasoning comes to light, however, Cas is forgiving immediately. He’d forgiven Dean even before that. That’s one thing about Cas that Dean never seems to get over either. Dean can get angry and take things out on him, kick him from the bunker, make stupid decisions and nearly kill himself, holler at him, blame him, but Cas comes back every time. He forgives him every time. It’s already overwhelming when Sam does this, but the ease at which Castiel consistently forgives Dean is a lot. 

Dean gets the Mark of Cain. It’s a means to an end, he says. When he becomes a demon as a result, this is when his relationship with Crowley is deepened. This relationship is an interesting one because it’s essentially an unrequited example. Dean likes Crowley, and when he’s a demon he has a good time, but Crowley’s feelings appear to go much deeper- even if he tries not to show it. 

 It is very possible that Dean and Crowley’s relationship is a formation more as a result of a joke than anything else- where the writers are concerned. But whether that was the intention or not, this is a relationship that continues to affect Crowley’s actions towards Dean for the rest of the series. He doesn’t let Dean kill innocents as he’s a demon, he saves Castiel from certain death as his grace drains, he gives Sam the information to find Dean so he can be cured, and he aids in getting the mark removed from Dean even as Sam attempts to kill him in the process. In return, Dean gives Crowley the benefit of the doubt more often, and they share a sort of mutual respect. What differs here, however, from Dean’s relationships with Benny or Castiel, is Dean’s actions. It is clear that Dean doesn’t feel as deeply as Crowley does, so this is an interesting relationship to compare side by side with the others. 

Not only this, but DeanxCrowley in these first few episodes can be seen as a parallel with CasxHannah. Two unreciprocated relationships which do not last long in this particular phase, but do result in a friendship within these pairings as time goes on. 

Still with the Mark of Cain, Dean and Cain have a few things in common. Cain had said that his wife, Colette, before she died had asked him to stop. Stop the killing. It’s several months after that that Dean is going off the rails and Cas, behind Dean as he’s walking away, asks Dean to stop. He nearly kills Cas then, almost fulfilling Cain’s words just weeks earlier: “And then you’ll kill the angel, Castiel. And that, I suspect, would hurt something awful.” This is a direct romantic parallel written into the show. 

When the darkness is released, Amara and Dean are immediately drawn to one another through some sort of connection as a remnant of the mark. This relationship is another interesting one, because it ties in to true desire and consent. Dean is drawn to her, yes, and she is sold as a sort of potential love interest this season, but Dean himself doesn’t want anything to do with her. He’s hypnotized when he’s around her, but as soon as he’s away this energy dissipates. 

So in light of this storyline let’s talk about consent and the sexualization of Dean Winchester for a second, shall we?

Dean is an often highly sexualized individual. He plays along more in his younger days, but the older he gets the more frustrated he becomes with the whole situation. I’m sure there are more but here are some tentative examples (This is also something that happens to Sam a decent amount as well.): 

Wendy at the psych ward in “Sam, Interrupted” kisses Dean

Pamela touching Dean’s inner thigh in “Lazarus Rising” 

Ezra in “Time After Time” kisses Dean without consent

Gets turned into a vampire because he’s “pretty”

Pamela in “Dark Side of the Moon” kisses Dean

Almost becomes a vessel for Sandy’s mate in “The Thing” because she “enjoys looking at his face”

Amara kisses Dean in “O’ Brother Where Art Thou”

Mildred gropes Dean’s leg in “Into the Mystic” and continually makes advances even tho he’s uncomfortable. 

Random girl slaps Dean’s ass in “The Last Call”

Ellie in S8 wants to sleep with Dean and even kisses him randomly

Meg kisses Dean as he’s being held against his will in “Sympathy for the Devil”

Granted, there aren’t a plethora of examples, but it’s still a lot and it is interesting to see how often Dean has been sexualized for someone else’s pleasure. It is bound to work into his characterization as well, and his sense of self-worth. He’s often described as the pretty one of the brothers, and seeing as he is the more promiscuous of the two, it is assumed that he welcomes all of or most of the attention that comes his way.

It is for this reason in particular that the situation with Amara is bothersome to me. Not only is Dean taken advantage of physically, but his mind is essentially hypnotized whenever she is near, not giving him total control over his actions or desires. Amara is in part meant to be sold as a romantic interest, but throughout the season Dean continually expresses his discontent. He’s even ashamed to admit these feelings to Sam and Cas, even though he knows it isn’t his fault he still feels responsible. (Which, if we think about it, this is could be a queer allegory too. The lack of choice, feeling shame, etc.)

What is notable, however, is the day that they attempt to capture Lucifer and speak to Cas to get him to expel Lucifer from his body. Amara makes a surprise appearance and captures Lucifer/Cas herself. Dean yells to Cas. This catches Amara’s attention and appears to confuse her, and even Lucifer, seeing as when Dean is around her he’s meant to have eyes for just her because of their “bond”. His link to Castiel appears to be stronger, however.  

Amara uses this connection between Cas and Dean when she wishes to contact Dean, simply by placing her hand over Castiel’s heart. She says to Dean, “If you should cross paths, if (god) should reach out to you, he should know this - Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.”

If we backtrack a moment, Dean finding out that Castiel is possessed in the first place is a very emotional time for Dean. He doesn’t want to accept that Cas would make such a decision, put himself in that kind of danger, and choose to leave once again. Sam, the arguably more rational thinker at this current time, tries to rationalize that Cas may not come back willingly since he chose to let Lucifer in. “Not possible.” Dean says. It’s simply not possible that Cas doesn’t want to come back to them. It’s not something he can accept. 

The next several episodes are begun with Dean either losing sleep trying to figure out what to do about Cas, or simply moping about. Sam has to comfort him each time. This is notable behavior as well, because Dean isn’t often one to wear his heart on his sleeve this frequently. Certainly he has his moments, but much of the time when he’s distressed he simply buries it all down and puts up a front. He doesn’t do that here. In fact, once they do begin to put together a plan with Crowley, Sam thinks they should still utilize Lucifer in the fight against Amara but thinks it’s foolish to move him into a new vessel. 

((I actually counted up the mopey Dean scenes- between finding out Cas is possessed, to getting Cas back.))

There are four convos with Sam (multiple episodes) where Sam has to comfort Dean and say something along the lines of “we’ll get him back.” (Just as an aside, I don’t think there has ever been a scene in the series where Dean comforted Sam about Cas, it’s always Sam having to comfort a freaking out Dean)

Then, of course, there’s the scene where Dean comforts a victim and she says “I watched the man I love die. There’s no normal after that.” 

There’s the “It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.” scene. 

There’s Dean trying to get through to Cas when they capture Lucifer. 

There’s the Dean yelling “Cas?” to Casifer when Amara is in the room. 

There’s two more scenes where Sam comforts Dean again. 

There’s “The Chitters” episode with the gay hunter couple. (This isn’t a direct relation, but more of an honorable mention because it seems abstractly relevant)

Amara connecting to Dean through Cas’ heart.

Dean freaking out about making it to Cas in time and again talking to Sam about it.

Dean asking “what about Cas?” as they’re planning the attack with God against Amara.

Someone has said once that you can tell that Dean is in love with Cas because Sam isn’t. It’s in moments like this that this becomes readily apparent. Yes, Sam cares about Cas, of course. But it’s just different than the way that Dean cares about Cas. When Dean cares about certain people, this love weaves into the very fabric of his being and he just feels it so completely and overwhelmingly, he can’t simply not fight for it. 

“Dean, it’s a strong vessel, it’s held Cas for years, and we know what he’s been through.” Sam says.

“It? It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.”

Dean appears almost shocked that these words would pass through Sam’s mouth. He’s confused that Sam wouldn’t fight for Cas just as much as Dean would. The type of love they each have for the angel is just different. Visually, action-wise, reaction-wise. This conversation in “Hell’s Angel” highlights that. 

You know what else highlights it? The fact that when they do trap Lucifer, it’s only Dean who gets through to Cas and talks to him to get him to come back and expel Lucifer. It’s Cas only seeking Dean’s forgiveness in S7 when putting the souls back in Purgatory. It’s Dean in S6 being the only one to defend Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King.” It’s Dean later in that same episode being the one to get through to Cas in the circle of holy fire. It’s “I did it, all of it, for you.” It’s Dean carrying around that trenchcoat for a year and mourning when Sam doesn’t. It’s Bobby checking in on Dean mourning Cas, but doesn’t check in with Sam about it. It’s Sam pulling Dean out of the apocalypse world in season 12 as Dean screams for Cas and physically fights against Sam to get to Cas. It’s Sam seeing Cas dead on the ground minutes later, but still able to walk away while Dean is frozen in place, frozen in shock. It’s Dean being the only one to wrap up Cas’ dead body. It’s Sam always having to reassure Dean that Cas is probably fine, whenever he goes missing for a little while. It’s Dean hardly able to function in S13 with this encompassing grief over Cas’ death and yelling “It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t.” It’s S15 when Rowena tells Dean and Cas to fix their quarrel before it’s too late, and later Dean in purgatory not sure of it is too late as he’s praying for Cas to be okay and crying against a tree. 

Sam’s reactions are important to take into account. Sam cares, yes, but Cas isn’t as wholly encompassing in his life as he is in Dean’s. If anything else is to prove that, it’s the way that Dean grieves (I mean, if you were to put Sam in Dean’s place in 15x09 in Purgatory and their fight, there’s no way that Sam would react this extremely). 

There are three different points to highlight Dean’s grief. The first is season 7 with the trenchcoat, which we’ve already talked about. The second is when Cas is possessed by Lucifer, which we have covered as well. The most damning, however, is Dean’s season 13 grief arc following Cas’ death. Dean also loses his mother during this time and a few other friends, but considering how he reacts when Cas comes back, a great amount of this grief has to do with Cas. Dean completely loses hope and faith in anything at all during this time. He hates Jack for giving Cas false hope and getting him killed. He doesn’t believe in their mission anymore. He doesn’t believe anything matters at all. “Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.” Dean admits to Sam. When Cas comes back from the dead, however, he pulls a complete 180. He has hope again. He has faith. And all of it begins with Cas.

Lastly, Dean never hooks up with anyone again after Castiel’s final resurrection. We can go through an outline of the steady decline of Dean’s hookups and relations outside of Cas as the decade goes, but during this three year window specifically, Dean’s only pairing is Cas. Sure, he might flirt with someone every now and again, but this never goes anywhere. (Arguably the person he flirts with the most in any episode in these final three seasons is Daphne, but idk if that even counts much considering she is a cartoon.)  And as Pamela says once in Rocky’s bar: “Besides, you don’t want me. You just like to flirt. I’m psychic so I kinda know.” And that was just in Dean’s head anyways so it’s probably even more true than had Pamela actually said it herself. 

When Jack comes in the picture in season 13, and Castiel comes back from the dead, this makeshift little family is formed. All three men act as father figures to this half-angel kid at different capacities, and amongst this dynamic another is formed a bit further between Dean and Cas. They’ve already been acting a bit as an old married couple in recent years (Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, anyone?) but this co-parenting scenario they’ve found themselves in has solidified this dynamic all the more as they collaborate on the issues that arise with Jack. In “Lebanon” when John Winchester comes back for a brief period, John even says to Dean that he’d hoped he would get a family someday and get out of hunting and such. Dean replies, “I have a family.” Sam, Cas, and Jack are his family. Cas has been family for a long time, but here and now Dean just isn’t looking for anything else or anything normal. He’s happy with himself and the people he’s surrounded by. He’s not looking for anything else or anyone else. 

For a change of perspective, let’s check out Castiel’s relationships over the years.

Unlike Dean, Castiel’s queerness and interest in Dean has been officially canonized. We can speculate all we want on the legitimacy of Dean’s love for Cas, but we can speak in certainties about Castiel. Castiel is in love with Dean Winchester. Speculation can come in when we consider, just how long has this love existed for him? Let’s start from the beginning.

Right off the bat when we meet Castiel, he’s a semi-emotionless soldier of heaven who works under strict orders and doesn’t have much free-will. Dean begins to change this. We can see even in their first couple encounters that Castiel is interested in Dean- in what he has to say, intrigue in the fact that Dean talks back to the angels (despite that these angels are unkillable beings and could smite him on the spot), the fact that he’s snarky and brave and questions everything. Where Uriel finds Dean annoying and blasphemous, Castiel finds the back-talk fascinating. Dean’s words impact Cas, and it’s not long before he starts to have doubts about Heaven. Following these orders blindly and unquestioningly starts to seem foolish when Dean puts things in a different perspective. 

Even after Cas undergoes what some have funnily dubbed “conversion therapy” in “The Rapture” (when Cas had finally decided on going against Heaven and to help Dean stop the apocalypse) it’s still not enough to stop him completely. A bit more time with Dean and he’s convinced yet again to help this one human man stop the apocalypse with his brother. He even dies for him and this new mission of his. 

Castiel throughout this first season is interesting because we see firsthand his struggle to understand beginning to feel emotions and accept thinking for himself. “For the first time, I feel...” He says to Anna. He wants her to tell him what to do. He wants orders because that’s all he knows, and he doesn’t understand why suddenly he cares. It hurts him to send Dean in to torture Alastair. It hurts him even later when in the beautiful room Dean dismisses him with a “What do you care, you’re already dead. We’re done.” 

It’s possible that in these first several months, or even these first couple seasons, that Castiel follows Dean around and does as he asks because he’s allotted Dean as the new being he serves. Because serving is what he knows. But it’s also through this that he begins caring more and more. He learns more how to express certain emotions, he learns more about humanity, he learns more about what is important in life and what is worth fighting for. As Cas will admit himself 12 years later, “Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you.”

We start to see sprinkles of this especially throughout season 5 as Cas begins to come to terms with caring and adopting Dean’s mindset to care. Consider Sam for a moment. He and Cas don’t necessarily get along a lot and mostly just tolerate one another in these early days. However, as we see in “Abandon All Hope” when Castiel is captured by Lucifer, Cas gets visually upset at the concept of Lucifer taking Sam as his vessel. “You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won’t let you.” 

Sam and Cas don’t have much of a relationship at this point, but Cas cares because Dean does. In “The Song Remains the Same” not long later, he even refers to Sam as his friend.

By the time S6 rolls around Castiel is in the midst of a civil war in heaven entirely because he has adopted the Winchester’s all encompassing mindset on the importance of free-will. Castiel is making his own choices, and he does everything he can to protect the Winchesters from harm as he does so. He decides not to seek out Dean’s help while he’s raking leaves because Dean had already sacrificed too much in Castiel’s eyes. He raises Sam from perdition because he feels it the right thing to do. He re-sinks the Titanic to keep the boys from being killed by Fate. 

Personally, I think Castiel has been slowly falling in love with Dean this entire time, he’s just not aware what this feeling is. But this becomes even more plausible to me when we get Castiel’s perspective in “The Man Who Would Be King.” Cas cares what Bobby and Sam think of him, sure, but all he focuses on is Dean. Dean’s happiness and ensuring he not sacrifice more. Dean’s loyalty even as Cas seems to be guilty. Dean’s words when they capture Cas in holy fire. 

The problem is, their relationship this season is also rocky. Cas seems to think that he’s merely a tool at the Winchester’s disposal and not much else. But he doesn’t mind because he cares about them so much, so what do his feelings matter? He sees himself as their protector. Their guardian angel. A role he’s fine with filling regardless of how they feel in return. 

But when things get bad, Dean says to him “Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family. You are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something... You’ve gotta trust me, man.” and Cas seems genuinely surprised at this admission. Emotional, even. 

As time goes on, Castiel’s actions nearly primarily revolve around Dean

After Cas realizes his error and is sending the purgatory souls back to their place, he tells Dean repeatedly that he’ll find some way to redeem himself to him. That’s the most important thing to him then. 

When Cas smites the demons outside of the mental hospital in 7x17, all of his flashes of memories coming back were memories of Dean. 

Partially to aid Sam and partially to redeem himself to Dean, Cas takes on Sam’s Hell brain in the asylum and goes crazy.

Cas runs in purgatory to keep the leviathans away from Dean. 

Cas breaks out of Naomi’s mind control/brainwashing because of his feelings for Dean.

Let’s talk about that final bullet point for a moment. The Naomi chapter is damning in “Goodbye Stranger.” It isn’t copies of both Sam and Dean that Naomi trains Castiel to kill hundreds upon hundreds of times. No, it’s ONLY clones of Dean. 

“What broke the connection?” Dean will ask after Castiel heals him in the crypt and takes control back over his mind. “I don’t know.” Cas will say. It wasn’t the angel tablet. That may have unwound the last of Naomi’s control over him, yes, but he’d dropped that angel blade before that. It was Dean that broke that connection. Even if this remains unsaid, it doesn’t make it any less true. Maybe Castiel starts to have an understanding of what his feelings are and what they mean here, but he won’t be truly sure until he soon becomes human. 

Before we get there, though, we’ll take a brief pause to explore Cas’ heterosexual explorations and connections. 

First is Meg. Cas’ relationship with Meg is born of sexual exploration more than anything else at its conception. He’d just been watching porn in his downtime and when Meg kisses him, he goes with it enthusiastically. Later, he seems to have a certain infatuation with her in his “crazy” state, and seems to trust her perhaps simply because she had been watching over him in the institution. 

This is interesting because in his “crazy” state, Cas is a lot more raw and unfiltered and optimistic than he ever has been before. He compliments her, is concerned with her safety, and trusts her. On the contrary, with Dean, Cas is a lot more hesitant and even fearful when talking about certain subjects with him because of his past failings. He tries to keep the peace without directly getting involved because his direct involvement in the past had failed them all so spectacularly. 

He and Meg continue to have a sort of connection whenever they cross paths until her demise the next season, and he still holds a respect for her years later, continuing to use her nickname for him “Clarence” as an alias at various times. 

When Castiel becomes human in S9, he’s a bit lost and overwhelmed. April takes him in for the night. Although this is a short-lived romance considering she tortures and kills him the next day, for a brief enough time Cas starts to become acquainted with human romance and sexual desire. He loses his virginity to her. It is estimated by some that this is merely sexual experimentation on the part of a very confused newly human Cas, and others have used this to say that Cas is not gay but pan or bi. The conclusion in any regard, in my opinion, is purely up to the viewer. 

If I’m to offer my opinion, however, seeing as he has shown interest in both sexes, though remains unlabeled, I consider him simply an unlabeled queer person. Sexual identity and orientation has never seemed to matter much to Castiel, so I don’t see why it should matter to me. He loves who he loves, simple as that. 

When we get to Hannah, she provides an interesting foil to Castiel for a time, and an emphasizing expression on just how much he’s changed since his introduction to Earth and the Winchesters. Where Castiel has been open to a plethora of new emotions and experiences through the years which have made him a bit more human than angel at times, Hannah is still new to humanity and the range and movement of emotions that come with it. Just how little she seems to understand proves how much Castiel has grown and does understand by comparison. 

As such, he seems to pick up on the fact that Hannah has an attachment to him that appears to be forming into a romantic or sexual interest. He gently turns her down multiple times, not expressing interest in her behavior although he does respect her greatly as a person. Though this relationship isn’t considered romantic from Castiel’s perspective, its unrequited nature again is a good parallel to Dean and Crowley’s relationship at this same time. Angel x Angel and Demon x Demon. Both one sided.

Now, let’s get back to Dean. 

Up to the point that Castiel turns human, for however brief a time, he finally gets a look behind the curtain of human emotion. Now, we all know that Cas is in love with Dean already here- and probably has been for some time. Years, even- but it’s my personal belief that during this time turning human is when he actually realizes it and understands where these emotions come from.

Maybe it’s the heartbreak of Dean kicking him from the bunker, maybe it’s seeing Dean again when he shows up in line at the Gas n Sip, or maybe it’s somewhere in between when he sees two people on the street looking at each other and realizes “oh, that’s love. I know what that is. I felt that, too.” And every moment from then on he realizes what that feeling was in his chest when he looked at Dean for a little too long, or why it hurt so much to see the pain in Dean’s eyes at something Cas had done, or why hearing Dean’s prayers to him just felt different than they did with Sam’s. Why everything that he’d done since he rebelled from heaven was in the name of doing the right thing, muddled alongside doing the right thing for Dean. Caring because of Dean. Caring for Dean.

It’s during this time when he realizes what these feelings are, that he also must come to terms with the fact that they’re unreciprocated (or as he believes, anyway). This is for two reasons. The first, he still believes at this time that Dean kicked him from the bunker just because. And the second, if there’s anything that Cas took to heart from Dean’s example as strongly as the concept of free-will, it’s self-loathing. He doesn’t see himself worthy of love. Dean doesn’t see himself worthy of love either. They’re both messy piles of self-loathing that breeds into a blindness to the depth of care they hold for one another.   

Now that we’re on the topic of self-loathing, this leads into Castiel and his decision to become Lucifer’s vessel in season 11. Much like Dean, Cas has a consistent issue with seeing his own personal self-worth, so when the opportunity comes along to “be of service to the fight” and become Lucifer’s vessel, he takes it on easily. He considers himself expendable, and he won’t see just how much Dean struggles with this fact while he’s possessed. In fact, Cas never knows just how much Dean struggles with his absence at all, which is just one of the many divides between the two of them that could easily be resolved with communication, if either were ever good at that. 

Once Lucifer is shoved from Cas’ body, however, Dean makes a point to let Cas know just how important he is in his life. He’s said Cas was family before, but that was before the falling out at the end of season 6. Dean makes it clear that he and Sam both consider Cas family, once again, during a ride in Baby. “You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.” 

Now, here, simultaneous heartbreak and love occur. Because while Cas is likely very much in love with Dean here, and very much aware of it, to hear that Dean simply thinks of him as a brother must ache a bit. However, we’re also talking about Dean Winchester, and for him to call someone a brother is an immense depth of love, probably the most the man is even capable of. Dean never says the words “I love you” to anyone, so this is about the closest anyone could get. Cas knows this, he’s well-versed in the ways of Dean Winchester by now. So, while it aches, his heart is also full. 

Comparable to:

“We need you, Cas. I need you.” 8x17

“We’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.” 8x05

“Don’t make me lose you, too.” 7x23

“Don’t do anything stupid” 

The entire purgatory confession/apology prayer in 15x09

Cas returns this love just hours later, offering to go with Dean to die taking out Amara.

If we jump forward to the divorce arc of season 14-15, we can hit upon the next great heartbreak of Castiel’s sad little love life. While the Winchester brothers, Castiel, and Jack have all become a family unit, Castiel never wants to lose that. But two things happen. First, Cas’ deal with The Empty is made, and somewhere along the line, silently, he becomes aware that allowing himself to be happy, and that happiness, somehow involves Dean. The second thing that happens is Jack kills Mary Winchester, and Dean says Castiel is dead to him. 

So, The Empty won’t take him, but his family is broken apart. Castiel never gives up on a single family member, though. That’s the thing about Cas. The same way he consistently forgives Dean for all his behaviors over the years, he never loses faith in anyone in this family. And when they come to reunite, he’s happy simply in appreciating any and all time they have together, however brief.

Then, in true Castiel fashion, he sacrifices himself for Dean Winchester in 15x18. 

Their relationship has always left things unsaid, but I don’t think there’s ever been a question on whether Dean loves Cas or Cas loves Dean even if they don’t talk about it. You can’t look at Cas and Dean’s faces seeing each other again for the first time in weeks at the end of “The Last Call” and say that there wasn’t love and heartbreak there. On some level I think that Cas knew that Dean loved him back, but Dean was so buried in trauma at that point that it might take him years more to realize what he actually felt and what he needed. But Cas is such a selfless lover that he was absolutely 100% fine with just being around Dean for the rest of his life, even if he never got a chance to tell him how much he genuinely cared for him, and never got that reciprocation back. Castiel’s love for Dean is so pure and selfless it’s overwhelming to even consider, but for someone like Dean it would be a hundred times harder to accept or even fathom someone caring about him as much as Cas does. 

So Castiel never pushes Dean further, never suggests, barely even touches him. The only liberties Cas takes are small touches to heal him (even though he doesn’t need to touch a person to heal them), a few small hugs through the years, just sharing comfortable space inside the impala, small moments watching Dean’s favorite movies with him, or sharing a moment over beers in the kitchen. And Cas’ happiness was in telling Dean how much he loved him likely because then maybe Dean would actually see how much he was worth. Cas wanted Dean to know how much he loved him and how he viewed him, because Dean deserved to love himself and was worthy of it. 

The five types of love languages are as follows:

Words of affirmation

Physical touch

Gift giving

Acts of Service

Quality Time

One of the reasons Dean and Cas miss the mark with one another so often could simply come down to love languages. A lot of the time, what a person needs in love language is often what they also give. I don’t think this is the case where these two are concerned, though. They’re both so sacrificial that it’s difficult for them to accept this in return, even though this is what they each offer to the other and anyone else around them. 

Both Cas and Dean’s giving love language is “acts of service” which translates into sacrificial actions much of the time, though it can also be more domestic than that as well. It’s Dean grabbing an extra beer for Cas or making food, or it’s Cas healing Dean without any prompting, Cas loading up on pie and beer at the Gas n Sip when Dean’s mad at him. 

What they each need, however, is different. Dean needs “quality time.” He needs his people close, he needs them to answer calls, and he needs to know where they are. This clearly ties in to his abandonment issues, and it hurts his relationship with Cas significantly when the angel just keeps leaving, or disappears without answering his phone for days at a time. And when he dies, obviously. He always comes back, though. And half the time when he’s gone it’s because he’s trying to get a win for Dean against whatever issue the team is facing at the time. 

What Cas needs, best I can tell, is “words of affirmation.” Cas has a consistent problem with thinking that he’s worth less than he is, and is less important to the people around him than he is. Dean obviously has this issue, too, but with Cas it’s somehow infinitely worse, if that’s even possible. Frequently, what he needs to get him going in low points is a few words from Dean or encouragement in general. To name a few:

“Maybe to fix it.” 7x17

“I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” 7x23, Cas then goes with Dean to find and kill Dick Roman

“I’m not leaving here without you.” S8 in purgatory when Cas wanted Dean to leave him behind but Dean was having none of it.

“You’re our brother, Cas.” 11x23, after Cas was possessed by Lucifer and thought he was expendable. 

Over time, Dean does get a bit more vocal with Cas about issues he’s having or just with encouraging words as well. Cas, too, sticks around a lot more. They’re not perfect but they do begin to grow and work with one another in these later years to give one another what they need most to see how much the other is loved. 

In conclusion, there is a significant amount of romance and sexuality written into this show, and simply interpreted as well. And that’s the thing, when a queer person says that they interpreted a certain piece of media as queer, it’s not up to someone else to say that they can’t, or shouldn’t, or that they’re interpreting something wrong. That’s the thing about media, it can have so many different interpretations and meanings to so many different people. 

It’s my personal interpretation to see the queerness embedded in the text here. Maybe it’s not there for another person, and that’s cool too, just don’t tell me how I should see it. The fact is that it was written into the show to be interpreted, and interpret is what we did. 

I’d love to hear any feedback that others may have regarding this. Any other theories, different interpretations, things I may have missed. I hope you enjoy the edits, and the endings I put together for them. We all need a little bit of happiness after that ending, so I hope it leaves you with a lighter heart. :)

Much love,

Taylor

[sprawa-przybyszewskiej]

I cannot claim to know about this play more than some others (Ewa Graczyk, Jagoda Hernik-Spalińska, Kazimiera Ingdahl and Maria Janion, in alphabetical order, are the official Horsewomen of the Apocalypse in this topic), with a lot to bring to the table, and so I will sometimes discuss parts of it which are - at the very least at the first glance - absolutely and doubtlessly simple; but  by discussing them I hope to be able to bring into the discussion some new material, new evidence, perhaps - for the contrary of the popular belief.

I remember when I first read the scene between Danton and Robespierre, I was completely mystified, just as Maxime. To somebody who at that point knew nothing about the historical events, the exchange between them was very logical (and everyone knows how hard it is to obtain, especially in a piece of media where the author blatantly favours one of the characters over another). I am very glad then, to be able to say that while Przybyszewska did everything she could to humiliate and belittle Danton in the more visual aspects of the scene - his gestures, movements, actions, mimicry, even the sound of his voice etc.  - she didn't bother making him out to be a complete clown. His arguments are populistic, but that's not necessarily a bad thing when you're n politician aspiring to be even more than that. Perhaps she thought that painting him out to be a weakling would somehow diminish Robespierre's awesomeness, which is a valid concern. For Robepsierre has little left to do in this scene - it is made out to ba a confrontation between them, of sorts, but is it one, really? I don't think so, not for the large part of it. Robespierre comes in, dishes out few sarcastic lines, looks at Danton with disgust and contempt and then crushes him in a yet another sarcastic line and then leaves. There isn't that much he can do not only to participate in the exchange, but to be visually and audially appealing to the audience as a character in a play. And even though we all know staging The Danton Case is a secondary affair, the main thing you can do with it is to read it and ponder over it, when you do stage it, a lot of responsibility rests on the actors recreating the part. Which is why choosing a good actor can, potentially, make all the difference, sometimes going as far as completely changing the way you view the very same scene you read earlier.

I have always assumed by "the same man" they meant Robespierre. It makes some sense in the light of the conversation, altough I have to admit it makes little sense in the light of Robespierre's reaction. The question thus presented to us is: do we go by what is written, do we percieve a play as a piece of fiction in a real world, OR do we immerse ourselves in the fictional world, suspend our disbelief and for a moment treat it as an alternate reality of sorts?

Polish director Jan Klata has managed to put on stage a compelling retelling of The Danton Case and I would like to present to you a scene from his version, which we're lucky enough to have on YT, with translation courtesy of @that-one-revolutionary​. I've seen the play in its entirety: some metaphors were heavy-handed to say the least, some aspects I wish he'd done differently, but all in all, when choosing the main protagonist, the director casted in the role a truly splendid actor (please note that Marcin Czarnik was young. Young! It made all of the difference and it's worth watching if only for that), who brought home some of the points of character of Robespierre's which could have easily been brushed aside in order to highlight some other aspects of the conversation (the most famous example of this would be the very same scene from Wajda's movie, where the appealing and in all aspects imposing Gerard Depardieu dominantes the scene, thus presentign it in a very different ligt). While it can be read as a political statement, or a match of two great personalities, or a display of cunning on either part, Klata (or Czarnik; it's hard for me to say what the director tried to do with it, a lot of Robespierre's quirks, mimicry, gestures etc. seemed to come directly from the actor, which I can only say because I've seen him in other things and that's sort of his style of acting; all in all, I'll try to treat this not as a discussion over this particular staging, because for that I lack needed data, but it's unavoidable in the long run at least at some points, so please bear that in mind) treats the conversation itself as a minor thing in comparision to what is going on in Maxime's mind at the moment.  Just look at this: there is no significance brought into their meeting, no change of the scenery, nothing indicates this meeting is special in any way. The logical conclusion is, then:  it's not special. Both Danton and Robespierre seem to treat this as a step which cannot be avoided, but which bears no great weight either. The only reason they agreed to make this step altogether is - for "the same man". For Camille.

I do think Przybyszewska's intention was actually to disguise Maxime under this vague title. If this is a play about love - as I will always state it is - she wanted to underline the fact some people will be hatefully loved by those who are beneath them, who have nothing whatsoever in common with the object of their affection simply because the loved one is so great, so genius, so shining and bright it is impossible not to love them. I think this is the relationship between Danton and Robespierre (that is, on Danton's part) up until this point in the play. Danton idolizes Robespierre against his will (against both of their wills, really), because Robespierre is truly made out to be a demi-god at the very least. If you could team up with a hero like this, you should. So Danton goes through a humiliating process of trying to reconcile with Maxime, because humiliation, if everything paid off in the end, would be worth it. That Robespierre doesn't reciprocate the affection is simply a further proof that he is above Danton in every way.

Klata-Czarnik duo seems to have gone into another, subtler direction though. The man that both politicians make an exception for seems to be Camille, moreso because Robespierre loves him than because Danton has any special feelings for him. What is his relationship with Camille, anyway? They are cordial enough, but always a bit on the edge, and we know that Danton doesn't know everything that Camille thinks and feels in regards to Robespierre, mostly because he doesn't care that much, but also because he is characterised as a brute, and this simply goes above his head, it's too subtle, too delicate of a feeling for him to know it. It is also clear he knows Camille pretty well, but he doesn't know his soul, so to say. Therefore, he cannot actually love him, not to the point to make him the one and only excpetion from his otherwise coldly and precisley calculated plans.

Is there, however, a scenario in which Camille could be Danton's exception? Yes, when it becomes more about Robepierre than about Camille. When Camille is sort of offered as a mean to lure Robepierre in. Danton could make this exception only if it meant getting what he wanted (which is later mirrored by his blatant admission that the only reason he lets Camille take the fall with him is to deny Robespierre any joy in life after this point).

Robespierre, however, doesn't see it this way. He actually makes the exception for Camille and I think Danton's words – whatever he means by them, whichever interpretation we think is correct – put him on alert, for the fear of having his secret discovered. In the video linked above it is even more than that – once Robespierre hears Danton indirectly name "the same man", he gets aggressively defensive. For him to have someone like Danton talk almost openly about what he treats as his personal secret (a secret that Danton, being in great familiarity with Camille, could potentially know for certain) is equal with defiling it. I have violated your secret. Do you know what he says in the original? I have raped your secret. It really brings into the focus how much “the secret” needs to be protected, and how much it will hurt Maxime once it’s uncovered and destroyed.This is what he fears pretty much for the entirety of the conversation, his suspiscion somewhat confirmed when Danton says: No catchphrases, Robespierre. I know you.

As I mentioned earlier, the shift in my reading of the scene was prompted by the video. It is worth observing what exactly does Robespierre do when mentioing Camille by surname – he gets visibly more upset, he ponders for a split second for the best way to talk about him. His choice of words is interesting as well:

Both translations here are poor and I quite like what that-one-revolutionary did with it. "Katarynka" is a music-box, so "an instrument" fits much better (not to mention the obvious English connection to the phrase "play like a fiddle", which is adequate here). A parrots is after all a living being, something with a will of its own, if steered by more powerful handlers. But admitting that Camille, from his own free will decided to go against Maxime and everything that Maxime believes in is much harder for Robespierre than calling him an inanimate object, which can be unwittingly used by people with their own agenda. That leaves Camille almost blameless, perhaps careless and foolish, but not responsible fo anything that has transpired.Calling him names serves another purpose as well, which is to steer away the suspiscion that Robespierre protects Camille becuase he cares about him in a special way. He knows there are Danton's accomplices turning ears by the door, so he doesn't want to give himself away with his care and concern.

Ultimately, what do you believe, whom do you think they were referring to I think says a lot about what you think about Maxime's state of mind at the time. Danton's too, though, it can be used as a litmus test whater or not you believe he was honest in idolising Robespierre and offering him his adoration and obedience. In some stagings it will be presented as true, in some as a lie, and that's the beauty of adapting a piece of literature, there are so many options, all blooming from the same roots.

[petersasteria]

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧? - 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

Pairing: Manservant!Haz Osterfield x CEO!Single mom!Reader

HO Masterlist || Ultimate Masterlist || Inspired by the Disney request from a while back

DISCLAIMER: *This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either products or the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.*

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After being unsuccessful in getting acting jobs, Harrison looks for a job to pay his bills. You’re a spoiled rich kid who abruptly becomes the CEO of your family’s company after your parents decided to retire early.

Special thanks to @fancyxholland​​ for the banner 🤍

2,323 words

“Haz, what’re you doing?” Tom, Harrison’s best friend asked him. Tom Holland has been best friends with Harrison since they were 15. Both of them were aspiring actors, but they’re both struggling to get the parts that they want. Eventually, Harrison decided to find a real job. Thus, looking through the ad section on the newspaper.

“I’m looking for a job.” He shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal, really. He just wants to help his mum in paying the bills and since his acting career is dormant, he figured it’d be best to pursue something realistic and something quick.

Tom looked at him dumbfounded. He was in shock. Tom never thought Harrison, his best mate, would actually look for a job. “Um.. why? You have an audition to prepare for.” Tom pointed out.

“So?” Harrison said, not looking up from the newspaper.

“So?” Tom mocked and rolled his eyes. “It means you have no time to look for a job. You have to run your lines, memorize them, and internalize. Maybe get into character like a method actor or something, I don’t know! So, you can’t look for a job.”

“Joke’s on you because I just found one!” Harrison smiled and took off the cap of the marker with his teeth. He encircled the ad for working at a restobar as a waiter. He covered the marker again and put it on the table. He stood up from his seat and quickly went to his room to prepare his resume.

Tom quickly followed him and asked, “Aren’t you going to tell me what job you’re planning to apply for?”

“A waiter.” Harrison said simply as he typed away on his laptop.

Tom raised his eyebrows and nodded, “Okay. Well, good luck.”

“You should find a job too, Tom. We’re 20 for fuck’s sake. We’ve been auditioning for roles since we were 15 and nothing seems to be happening. Let’s just get a job, mate.” Harrison sighed in defeat. 

“Fine.” Tom said, crossing his arms. “But let me just get through this audition I have tomorrow and then I’ll look for a job straight after that. I’m starting to go broke anyway and I’ll honestly panic if butterflies come out of my wallet instead of money.”

“Same.” Harrison laughed.

-

Harrison got the job. The restobar was desperate for people, so Harrison convinced Tom to apply there too and Tom got in as well. Now, they’re both working there.

The restobar was always busy and the customers tipped generously. It was great for Harrison and Tom. The restobar was more packed in the evening and during the day, families would have lunch there. The food was delicious and the staff is very accommodating. The restobar only had two floors and at the back, was the outdoor area where people could eat and have a cigarette. It was also there that jamming sessions would happen every night. It was awesome.

It’s late in the afternoon and Harrison was wiping a table clean after clearing the dishes. Tom was currently sitting on the bar stool at the bar counter while watching the news. At this hour, the restobar was low on customers and that gave the whole staff time to relax a bit.

Tom rubbed the drowsiness from his eyes and blinked when he saw the news about you; Y/N Y/L/N. Tom read the headline and his eyes widened. He turned to Charles, the bartender, and said, “Hey mate, could you turn it up a bit? Thank you.”

Charles turned up the volume a little causing all of the staff to pay attention to the news. Harrison, who just finished cleaning the table, was carrying the plastic box they put the plates in when he joined in to watch the news. He stood next to where Tom was sitting as the reporter rambled about you being the newest CEO of Y/L/N Inc.

Tom snorted, “Was it just last week that Y/N was found blackout drunk somewhere?”

“Yeah.” Charles laughed. “One of my mates told me that they saw her smoking weed once.”

Harrison looked at the two of them and shook his head, “That’s not very CEO-like, innit?”

“Sounds like a spoiled rich kid to me.” Jessica, the hostess, said. “If you Google her name, you’ll find endless articles about her lavish vacations and she’s profligate.”

“What does profligate even mean?” Tom asked as he turned to Jessica.

“It means she’s extravagant; she spends her money a lot on useless things.” Chazia explained and Tom nodded, satisfied with the answer.

“She’s filthy rich, though. She recently bought a small house in the Hamptons as a birthday gift for herself.” Elouise chimed in as she scrolled through her phone after Googling Y/N.

“These rich people will never learn, I swear. They think stuff is just handed to them because they’re rich. They’re all the same.” Hritz shook her head in annoyance.

“She’d never marry a poor bloke that’s for sure.” Luke said with a chuckle. “What a shame, though. She’s hot.”

“True.” Charles nodded in agreement.

“I mean, we shouldn’t judge her. What Elouise is seeing on Google right now are assumptions and one side of the story which means everything the tabloids say about her are just the side of the people who make those articles. We don’t know her story. For all we know, she doesn’t want to be a CEO. And while I agree that she’s spoiled, we should keep in mind that she was born into a rich family and she had no choice to be born into that family. With that being said, we should just let her be.” Harrison said before going to the kitchen to drop off the box of dirty plates.

“What’s up with him?” Charles asked Tom.

Tom shrugged and got out of the bar stool to check on Harrison. Tom entered the kitchen just as Harrison was about to go back out in the main area.

“Are you okay?” Tom asked and Harrison nodded. “Then what was all that rant about? Are you secretly Y/N?” He joked causing Harrison to break into a smile and chuckle.

“Nah. If I were Y/N, I wouldn’t be here right now.” Harrison said. “I’m okay, though. I really am. It’s just that I feel kind of bad for her, y’know? Everyone’s always watching her every move and judging her for it. She’s young too; she’s our age! She’s 20 and she’s a CEO already. I personally think that the reason why she’s being so reckless and extravagant is because she knew about her fate. She knew that she’ll be a CEO and that’s why she’s already living her life to the extreme. Because she knows that when she’s a CEO already, she won’t have time for anything else, not even herself.”

“I guess you’re right.” Tom trailed off.

“Of course I am. When was I ever wrong?” Harrison asked.

“When you dated Lea Berry. You were wrong about her.” Tom laughed and Harrison rolled his eyes at the mention of his ex.

“Yeah, fuck off.” Harrison shook his head and left the kitchen as Tom followed while laughing his ass off.

-

Being born into a rich family was definitely a blessing. You were an only child and growing up, you got everything you wanted. As you grew, you realized that it was rather lonely living in a mansion. Your only best friend was your personal maid, Angela and she was as old as your mum. Angela played with you everyday and she took care of you. While your parents loved you very much, they were never really around often. You were like Richie Rich basically. Maybe that’s why you loved that movie so much.

Your education was very… fancy. You studied at an international school for your whole life and you decided that you didn’t want to go to university because you didn’t know what you wanted to do. Your parents supported your decision and because of that, they’ve decided to retire early and leave the company to you. Now, you’re the youngest CEO.

In terms of your love life, you only had flings. Relationships weren’t your thing. In fact, your relationship with your first boyfriend only lasted for two months. After that, you had endless flings here and there. You also do one night stands because it was easy. You kept safe, though. Protection is always important.

Your friends were really nice people. They weren’t snobs and you adored that about them. You loved the fact that you were associated with people like them. They would give to charities often and they would do outreach programs in third world countries. Sometimes, you’d tag along if your parents aren’t dragging you to a boring fancy event.

You and your friends would go to different countries just to get drunk and forget about your rich kid lives. All of you loved running away from what society expected of you. Like every normal person, you loved letting loose. That’s why it pisses you off when people call you out for going out a lot because you’re a normal person like them.

“Y/N, darling, I hope you’re ready to take over.” Your mum told you. She was excited for you to replace your father in the business. She’s been waiting for it ever since you were born. Your father was kind of bittersweet because he wasn’t ready to step down yet, but at the same time he knew he had to let go at some point.

“Just promise me you’ll take care of the business.” You dad smiled sadly. You eagerly nodded and said, “I won’t let you down, dad. I’ll do my best.”

“I trust you, sweetheart.” Your dad hugged you and kissed the top of your head. He pulled away and you bid your parents goodbye. You looked around your dad’s old office as you watched your maids pick up box after box of your dad’s stuff. One maid grabbed the picture frame on your dad’s desk and you were able to catch a glimpse of the photo. It was a family picture.

“You can leave that here.” You told the maid and she put back the photo before packing up the last box and leaving you all alone.

You took a deep breath and sat down on your dad’s chair. You exhaled through your mouth and grabbed the picture frame. It was an old photo of you and your parents. You could remember that day like it was yesterday.

You and your parents were in New York for your dad’s business trip. You were only seven years old and it was your first time abroad. Of course, you didn’t want to stay in the office at all. You wanted to explore. So, you and your mum walked around the city and you arrived at Central Park.

Your mum bought you a hotdog and for some reason that made you really happy. About thirty minutes later, your dad joined both of you. All three of you played tag and somehow your dad ended up giving you a piggyback ride whilst your mum stood beside your dad, throwing her head back in laughter.

A college student who was studying photography was nearby and captured the moment. They approached the three of you and instead of getting angry for taking your picture without permission, your dad bought it from them. Now, that picture stays in his office.

It’s been years and your dad didn’t have the heart to replace the wholesome family picture. To him, he’ll always remember you as his little girl who loved adventure and meeting new people.

You rummaged through the drawers and saw an unopened envelope that had your name on it. You brows furrowed in confusion as you grabbed and opened it.

To my little girl,

The time has come for you to replace me and I can’t believe that time came early. I have to remind myself that you’re not little anymore, but I know you’re still the same girl I raised and darling, I raised you right. Your mother and I raised you right.

I won’t lie… this job is hard and tiring, but I know you’ll be able to push through. You’re strong and smart and tough. I trust that you’ll make the right decisions and I’m confident that our company is in good hands. One day there’ll come a time when you’ll step down and pass it on to your child and I’ll be gone by then. Just know that when the time comes, you did an excellent job.

My father wasn’t there for me when I needed him because he passed on and I had no one because my mother was busy taking care of my younger siblings. What I’m trying to say is that I’m here for you whenever you need me. Call me anytime.

Love, dad

Your heart warmed at your dad’s letter as you put it on top of your desk. You shook off your nerves, got up from your seat and walked out of your office. You stood outside your office and watched the staff as they did their job. You cleared your throat and said, “Excuse me? May I have your attention please?”

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at you. You gave them a nervous smile and said, “Hi everyone! As you may know, my father has decided to retire early. I’m his daughter, Y/N, and I will be replacing him. I’m not like my father and I know all of you loved him, but I’ll do my best and hopefully, we can all get along.”

Everyone just stared at you until one person spoke up, “You have some big shoes to fill in, sweetheart. Big shoes.”

You nodded and coughed awkwardly, “Alright, back to work people.”

This was going to be harder than you thought.

* * * *

After I post this, I’m removing everyone on my taglist and I’m making a new one. It’s 2021 and I gotta renew that shit. New year, new taglist.

𝐇𝐀𝐙 𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland​ @silencetheslaves​ @imeanlifesabitshit​ @joyleenl​ @hjoficrecs​ @blueleatherbag​ @poguesholland​ @harryismysunflower​ @lonikje​ @lizzyosterfield​ @turtoix​ @badreputationlove​ @starlight-starks​ @swiftmind​ @sovereignparker​ @pearce14 @justanamesstuff​ @chewymoustachio​ @cocoamoonmalfoy​ @hotforharrison​ @euphorichxlland​ @givebuckyhisplumsnow​

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓:  @justasmisunderstoodasloki​ @allyz​ @miraclesoflove​ @god-knows-what-am-i-doing​ @drie-the-derp @hollands-weasley @itstaskeen​ @call-me-baby-gir1​ @the-panwitch​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @geminiparkers​ @holland-styles​ @calltothewild​ @herbatkazmiloscia @whatthefuckimbisexual​ @theonly1outof-a-billion​ @piscesparker​ @unsaidholland​ @musicalkeys​ @lost-in-the-stars03​ @hufflepuffprincess24​ @hollanddolanfangirl​ @parkerpeter24​ @bellelittleoff​ @agentnataliahofferson​ @aqiise @lexirv​ @blairscott​ @pearly-pisces​ @u-rrose​ @speedymaximoff​ @theliterarymess​ @beequeen8020  @justafangirlduh​ @sarcasticallywitty15​

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | myoxisbroken

Happy hump day, peeps!  This week’s spotlight is the queen of a historical fic, AU or canon.  The maven of food porn in a fic. And the reigning champ of teasing me with smut @myoxisbroken​ !  Let’s dive in!!

The Basics

MASTERLIST HERE

Any other names you want people to call you?

Miss Ox, myox, whatever you feel like!

How long have you been writing fic?

2 years.

What fandoms and/ships do you write?

MCU (Loki, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes), other Tom Hiddleston characters (Pine, Conrad, Sharpe, Buxton, Nicholls, Plumptre, and ever-growing), and just branching out into Pedro Pascal with The Mandalorian; I also have a few Doctor Who fics in my Masterlist (Ten/Donna Noble)

How did you get started writing fic?

I was reading a ton of Doctor Who fic and enjoying the Doctor/River Song stories. Then I rewatched DW season 4 and was so depressed about Donna's ending that I immediately watched the David Tennant/Catherine Tate version of Much Ado About Nothing. And then I started to ship the Tenth Doctor and Donna.

So I read a bunch of their fic and thought, "You know what would be awesome? If someone wrote a WW2 AU where Donna's a single mother and the Doctor is an injured fighter pilot that she takes in as a boarder." And then I started to get snippets of dialogue in my head, and ideas for scenes, and I wondered if I might be able to write a story myself. I hadn't written anything in years, but I decided to give it a try. And a few months later, I had my first story completed, a 14-chapter Doctor Who AU.

 After that, I had the writing bug and I haven't been able to stop coming up with ideas and working to put them into words!

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

It is honestly so hard to choose. I'm only going to choose completed works, because I always love the WIPs I'm working on. So, let's see: You Bring Me Home is one of them, because it was so fun to just jump into a sexy vacation romp with some playful kink exploration for James Conrad (Kong: Skull Island). With Brooding Wings was my first attempt at a vampire story using multiple Tom Hiddleston characters, and I really enjoyed playing with the dynamics of different personalities and settings in that world. 

 In A Restless World Like This Is is another, because I had such a great time writing a fluffy love story for Steve Rogers and an older OFC. It started as a spite project because of someone's objections to older characters and turned into such a lovely experience. It was one of the easiest I've ever written in terms of how quickly it flowed from my brain through my fingers. I'd loved writing for Loki (An Excellent Suggestion was my first Loki story, and my first time writing smut) and for Bucky (We Are All Victims of Physics Sometimes was my first dip into capturing Bucky's quiet reserve and depth of emotion).

I honestly could go on and on about stories but would only sound more conceited.

Which story are you most proud of?

I think A Pursuit of the Heart. It was my first time writing in the Regency/Georgian era, and I did a TON of research for it. It was also my first novel-length story, and I didn't even know if I could take on something that big or write a historical romance convincingly, in a way that felt era-appropriate and true. I was so proud of the finished product.

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

Let Your Heart Be Light, a Bucky/OFC story with a Christmas theme - its companion piece, Kissing The New Year In, also didn't get much traction. But I loved writing them!

Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first?

It depends on what actors and characters they like, really, as well as if they like smut or fluff or both. For a smutty one-shot, I'd recommend An Excellent Suggestion (which has a one-shot sequel). For a swoonier longer fic with smut, I'd recommend either You Bring Me Home or my fake relationship Steve Rogers fic The One Thing You Can't See. 

For fluff, An Unforeseen Outcome is a Loki one-shot with both fluff and a little emotional hurt/comfort. Interestingly, I've written more not-smut fluff for Loki than for any other character. I think I just want him to find connection and love and acceptance so much. 

And if you are a fan of historical romance, I'd recommend either my Thomas Sharpe AU A Compromising Situation, or if you like your fics with a healthy dose of angst, Beside Us When Beauty Brightens, my William Buxton (Return to Cranford) story about what happens after he loses Peggy.

Which Story did you do the most research for?

A Pursuit of the Heart, since it was my first one set in the Georgian era and I had a lot of catching up to do! I research for most of my stories, and definitely for my multi-chapter stories. Even if they're contemporary, I still look up resorts, locations, restaurants and local foods, things to do, etc. I can't help it. It's like I'm addicted to research.

Which Story was the easiest to write?

For a multi-chapter fic, In A Restless World Like This Is. For a one-shot, probably my Loki Christmas fluff All I Want For Christmas Is You.

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

When a scene I've had in my head just flies out of my fingers and onto the page, and I can read it back and think, "YES! That's just how I wanted it!"

What is your least favorite part?

When my brain is too scattered and unfocused to actually allow me to do any writing.

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Well-researched stories that use the information to make you feel like you're there and that incorporate sweetness into even the smuttiest scenario. Also, food porn, and porn porn.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

For published novels, Mary Balogh and Sabrina Jeffries are two of my favorite historical romance writers, and I think that reading them has helped to make my writing better. In terms of fic authors (some of whom are also published), @nildespirandum​ and @caffiend-queen were two of the first I read in the Tom/Loki fandom and their excellent quality and intriguing plots are an inspiration, even if I will never be able to write plots as twisty as theirs. Also, reading @yespolkadotkitty​'s stories helped me push myself to get better at setting scenes and at incorporating the various senses into stories, because she is so good at both of those things and so much else.

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

I use Google Docs. I have also been dancing around buying Scrivener for an original novel I plan to write and shop around, so I'll be doing that soon.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Plotter, for sure. My brain would implode if I tried to pants my stories.

Do you write RPF or not?

I have a few chapters of a Tom Hiddleston RPF in draft form but haven't proceeded with it. I'd kind of like to write a Pedro Pascal RPF one-shot. I love reading RPF but feel odd about writing it for some reason.

Who is your favorite character to write and why?

Again with the tough questions! It might be Loki, because he is such a chameleon and there are so many hidden depths to him. I really want to write some multi-chapter Loki stories, because so far I have done one-shots and one 3-chapter short fic. I'd like to explore a longer character arc for him.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

Authenticity because of my research, realistically depicting emotions, and writing in a style that feels genuine to the setting and era.

What do you struggle with?

PLOT. I do think that there is plenty of room for all kinds of stories, and I like to tell stories about relationships. But I would like to get better at adding outside conflict and other types of plot to my stories.

Favorite Trope?

It's so hard to choose between There Was Only One Bed and Fake Relationship. I think those are my top two.

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

Write something. Anything. Even if you think it's crap, get your first draft done, because you can always go back and rewrite something that's bad and make it better. Also, if you're stuck on your WIP, write something else - a piece of another story or one-shot, a description of something you saw, a character profile, a bit of personal journaling. Keep writing and don't let a temporary roadblock turn into a long-term one.

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

It's hard when something you wrote doesn't get a lot of attention, especially when you love it. We share stories in the hopes that other people will discover and enjoy them, but you have to at least partly do it for your own satisfaction, or it will get pretty discouraging if the likes/kudos, comments, and reblogs just don't happen.

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

Ladies' drawers (underwear) were not commonly worn until the mid-1800s. They were thought to be gentlemen's garments and it was thus vulgar for a lady to wear them. Yes, ladies of the Georgian (incl. Regency) era were generally commando beneath their skirts, petticoats, and shifts. But that was still a lot of layers.

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

My goal is to write an original novel (series) set during the Napoleonic Wars. My hope is to get it researched, written, and put in final draft form so that I can send query letters out before the end of 2021.

This or That

Fluff or Angst

Fluff AND Smut

Reader Insert or  OC

Canon Divergent or AU

Pepsi or Coke (Neither: Cherry Coke Zero)

Coffee or Tea (Neither: Cocoa)

Sweet AND Savory

And that is it, until next week, remember to check out the masterlist here.  And your new fav fic is just around the corner!  Until next time, toodles!

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight : InsightfulInsomniac Day 1

Author Spotlight : InsightfulInsomniac (@zigxzag-klaine​)

How did you get into Glee and Glee fandom?

When ACS: The Assassination of Gianni Versace was released, I was really into true crime TV, and thus watched it. I was absolutely in AWE of Darren Criss’s performance in the show, but left it at that after I finished it. A few months later, my younger sister started watching Glee, got to season 2, and texted me saying “hey, that actor that you liked in Versace is in Glee! You should watch it!” I was a college student in need of a show to binge and I’ve always ADORED musical theater, so why not? I started it, got obsessed very quickly, and started writing glee fanfic about a month into my binge.

In general, what drew you into writing (and/or creating)?

Oh, wow, I honestly don’t know of a specific moment, but I’ve been writing forever. When I was seven, I had a series I would write and illustrate called “Amanda, Amy, and Bobby,” and it was about the adventures of these three that were suspiciously like myself and my younger siblings. As I grew older, I never stopped writing, even taking some creative writing classes. But writing, for me, has always been a way to practice empathy and better understand the human condition. When I watch a TV show or read a book, I latch onto the characters so tightly and get very connected to them. Writing is a space to explore the vast intricacies of human nature — a love letter and an ever-changing encyclopedia to humanity all at once.

What was it about Glee that made you decide to write fanfic for it?

My favorite character in the show was immediately Kurt, and always has been. That being said, the character I identify most with in the show is Blaine — we tend to be scarily similar at times. Thus, I grew really attached to their relationship because I adored both characters and wanted to see them happy, and at the same time, I felt like I understood both of these characters so deeply. I also felt like the show left a lot unsaid about the two of them and their relationship over time, so I had the desire to fill in areas and expand upon their world and their characters in the way that I understand them, so hopefully other people can have a more complete and satisfying storyline with Klaine. But, in short, I really just adore them both so much as characters, and think they’re really nuanced — which is fun to play with.

Have you been a part of other fandoms before? Have you written fanfiction pre-glee?

Oh, yes. I’ve been a part of many fandoms since I was probably around 12 — Harry Potter, Star Wars, a few others here and there. But as for fanfiction, I only started writing around 2017. My first major fandom involvement was in a historical fandom (Band of Brothers), where I wrote for a bit (just under 50 fics) before eventually leaving the fandom. I’ve had a few more fandoms that I’ve been a part of where I’ve written one or two fics, but nothing like my involvement in Glee!

Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Yes. 1000 times yes. I sit comfortably in canon or my own post-glee-but-still-following-canon universe. I am the WORST at writing any type of AUs... that kind of world-building is just difficult for me to complete. That being said, I’m a history major, and I would love. Love. Love. to do some historical AUs sometime. Ugh. If I can work myself up for the project, maybe someday!

Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

Hm, this may be a lame answer, but honestly, any type of Blaine hate or anti-klaine tropes. I totally respect people who are down with some anti-klaine or anti-Blaine fics, but that’s just not me. I think Blaine is a really, really misunderstood character, and I try to reinforce how I see him in my fanfics. Similarly, I’ve read a few fanfics where Burt and Kurt don’t have a healthy relationship, and if anyone’s read my fanfics, they know that I am extremely fond of writing Burt. I couldn’t change their relationship for anything, even for plot. But as for less-glee-specific tropes, I’m down for a lot... but I’m an impatient writer who can’t write slow burn to save her life.

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Oh no, you’re exposing me!! Too. Many. I have three different lists on my phone FULL of ideas! One I’d really like to get around to writing is a bit out of my usual style — I tend to not write a lot of angst, or at least stay away from angst-based fics. I appreciate angst, but most of the ideas that excite me don’t involve a lot of it. That being said, I’ve had this fairly intricate storyline involving Kurt and Carole’s relationship as it deals with Mother’s Day — I think it would be a really tender and emotional subject to explore, considering both the death of Kurt’s mother and the death of Finn.

***

Check out InsightfulInsomniac’s Fics

Marital Affairs - When Jesse tells Kurt and Blaine an amazing off-Broadway opportunity with leading roles that are made for them, they both agree to audition. They get the parts and play romantic interests — but they forget to mention that they’re married in real life for professional reasons. That little missing detail creates some interesting questions when they’re caught in both some innocent and some compromising situations. They may even unintentionally have a few crew members convinced they’re having an affair... with each other.

Through Burt’s Eyes: The Story of Klaine - From the moment Kurt told him he had a boyfriend to the moment when Kurt and Blaine announced that they’re having a child through surrogacy, Burt’s been with them every step of the way. He watched the couple grow through each milestone, and even grew a little (a lot) himself. Burt through the Klaine ages, basically telling Klaine’s major milestones through his eyes. So much fluff and sappy dad emotions.

5 Times: Surprise, Surprise -  Because Kurt and Blaine got married so spontaneously, there are numerous people who would eventually be surprised to find out that they got married. From Elliott to the former Warblers, both husbands take joy in getting to surprise people with their big news. Not to mention those inadvertently-involved people, like the NYADA gossip chain.

[nmoroder]

L4D(2) Actor AU

This is a (not complete) list of headcanons for the Actor AU me and my bro came up with during our Expert runs and running extremely low on morale. We created this as a sort of ‘happy’ AU which would also give some room to our own ideas, so some of this stuff below may only slightly be related to original. We understand.

This post won’t be updated but instead followed by other ones if something else arises, so check ‘l4d actor au’ tag on my blog for more!

Overall setting

The Left 4 Dead universe itself is a series of 90-min movies divided into first and second season, L4D1 and L4D2 respectively. This list will further refer to them as S1 and S2;

L4D is a series about, of course, zombie apocalypse, but teamwork and forming bonds between people are brought to spotlight. Both seasons consist of episodes where four Survivors try to find a solid ground and safety with every episode ending on a cheerful note but every next one starting with the cheerfulness destroyed. The episodes share their names and events with Campaigns;

Originally, L4D was created by a team of enthusiasts, consisting of friends, families and family friends, so they are all very immersed in process and really giving their best. Their collective is also the reason their funding isn’t very high and they’re mostly using their own equipment and props; this makes the series look less expensive and polished but retains the atmosphere and the main goal: to show people growing warmer to each other and learning to stick together;

The actors’ names are mostly created by combining the face model’s first name and the voice actor’s last name, though some other versions do take place (see S1 and S2);

The safehouse graffitis are inspired by the fans’ responses from forums and contests, so it’s some sort of communicating with audience through screenplay;

The Third Strike, more commonly known as Black and White Mode which occures after second incapacitation, was firstly discovered as a camera malfunction but then the team liked it so much that they decided to leave it as a feature and add the heartbeat effect and stuff;

Main plot line consists solely of canon Campaigns (that means it doesn’t include Last Stand and Cold Stream) but there were also suggestions to shot additional episodes - the Mutations. After S1 success, the authors posted their ideas on different ‘modes’ and fans added theirs as well and thus during S2 some more episodes were made using, for example, a male synchronized swimming team to create the Hunting Party mutation. The original Hunter actor also participated and the swimmers required to copy his behavior; they did it so well that sometimes the whole Survivor team was being overwhelmed once they began the take;

There are no stuntmen on board so every fighting scene is shot with original actors. When it requires to shove someone off with a weapon (e.g. Zoey shoving a Hunter off Louis in the L4D1 intro), after the take actors always ask each other whether they hit too hard, should they improve the movements etc. Different actors have different range so it’s a tricky thing to cooperate but they still manage (I’ll come back to this topic in L4D2 section);

Most Infected, especially Special Infected encounters are improvised, bringing more life and realism to the Survivors’ response. The Hunter is responsible for a fair share of their shock as they noticed him stuck at a saferoom ceiling only after a while (this is a reference to the glitches that allow the Hunter to get stuck under the roof in Versus);

There was a suggestion to run a Kickstarter campaign to gather money for a fanservice episode especially for shippers. While it was most likely a joke from actors who didn’t mind shipping, it’s still a suggestion and not in work.

L4D (Season 1)

Zoey shares the zombie movie obsession with her actress; Sonja was the most familiar with the topic among original team and provided a lot of help with setting up the scene, behaviour writing etc. Along with Louis and Boomer actors, she was the creator of original idea and can consider herself a founder of the series. She is also older than Zoey as a character, being already in her 25s while Zoey is a college student;

The original Boomer actor was a CGI specialist and offered his skills for post-processing while also playing an Infected role. He came up with the idea of a Boomer Infected himself and suggested his large physique to do the role with a little touch of computer graphics and makeup;

While discussing the major characters and personalities worth including, Zoey’s actress instantly remembered her neighbor, the big buffy tattooed guy who was her childhood friend, worked as a driver and spent his weekends with his favorite bike. She figured that it’s a nice image to have in a zombie apocalypse setting, and thus Francis’ actor made it to the set;

When it came to the image of a war veteran refusing to give in to monsters, Zoey’s actress was also the one to suggest another person to fill up the space: her father. He was younger than Bill was written to be but did the impersonating well. He’s got an overall friendly but bickering attitude towards Francis’ actor so most of lines written for Bill and Francis interaction were the ones actors remembered from their own conversations, slightly exaggerated;

Zoey’s actress and Louis’ actor were co-workers for several years and bonded over their mutual interest to zombie theme and shooting. She foud out that Sean attended a shooting range in his spare time and asked him to take her out too; thus she both found out he aces in ambidextrous shooting and got him to teach her how to wield a hunting rifle. The weapon preferences were carried over to respective characters;

Hunter’s actor became a surprise for the team as Francis’ actor brought him over saying that the guy’s got a fantastic voice (and a music band) and physique to make some badass new Infected for them. They got him to voice the crowd extras of common Infected but also came up with an idea of shrieking hooded parkour bastard to rip someone’s guts out, thus creating the Hunter as another Special Infected;

As the next Special Infected concept came out of the shadows - a lanky coughing tongue-twisting zombie who would grab the Survivors and restrict them, Hunter’s actor brought another person to the set. It was his music band co-participant who did drums and back vocals and also had an ability to eject the most horrible coughing sound out of his throat while being (seemingly) healthy. He took over the role of a Smoker;

Hunter’s actor is named Mike after Mike Patton, the voice actor for Infected and SI like Hunter and Smoker. Smoker’s actor is named Mike too but the fact that he plays drums and does back vocals is actually a reference to Faith No More, the band where Patton actually does vocals and Mike Bordin does what Smoker’s actor does. It sounds complicated but originally the idea of Hunter and Smoker actors sharing a name came from Patton voicing them both, and then I found out about the band and two Mikes present so... that was a weird but happy coincidence;

The fact stated above was the reason the team came up with nicknames just for two Mikes on the set - Hoodie and Tongue respectively. The tradition was carried over to S2 where the new Hunter actor would receive a patronizing nickname Kid from Survivors (see S2)

Of all Infected actors, Hunter’s actor was the least level-headed and even Francis’ actor sometimes doubted his past decision to bring him in. Nevertheless, Hoodie’s cheerful attitude and energy helped the collective stay positive and fuelled during especially hard days. It also brought out the less lethargic and melancholic part of Tongue and made him more lively about things;

Despite Hoodie being the Endless Energy Core which people tended to adore, he was still in a lousy relationship with Witch’s actress (her name, by the way, is different from the voice actress - it’s Rose). He kept a charmer’s attitude towards her even though she was a married woman; Rose tended to be neutral or mostly positive towards most colleagues but this behavior pissed her off big time, leading to Hoodie being injured by her stage costume claws after she punched him in the face for a really bad dating joke. Hoodie toned it down afterwards but their relationship didn’t improve much up until the end;

Witch’s actress is keen on baking and sometimes brings some to the filming set;

Since the budget was comparatively low, the team couldn’t afford a lot of crowd extras so they hired a group of people to then create an image of a Horde attacking by using CGI. That’s why there’s so much repeating common Infected on-screen;

The first season included all L4D1 original Campaigns, leaving The Sacrifice out as it was added later in a DLC. As S2 came into development stage, the team wanted to add an episode with the old Survivors team but Bill’s actor was unavailable at the time and was overall not hot with the idea of shooting movies anymore; so eventually they plotted the episode (The Passing campaign) to feature Bill being dead. The fans were shocked to find it out and demanded to know what exactly happened, thus leading to actually shooting The Sacrifice as a bonus episode to S1 (and requiring Bill’s actor to come back despite his attitude).

L4D2 (Season 2)

The collective decided to take a sharp turn on the new Survivors and create them being unacquainted and sort of separated at the start but growing closer as time passes by. The idea of S1 Survivors being almost a family to each other sounded great and played along just right but the team wanted to delve deeper into relationship problems and also have a change of scenery - and so they did;

The Infected team for S2 still consisted of some old faces (Boomer, Tank and Witch) but some had to leave the set for the time being and were unable to rehearse the roles, this being Hunter and Smoker actors. They got into music harder than zombie movies and planned to go on a tour so they could only leave their old Infected sounds as a legacy;

The new Smoker actor was a treasure Coach’s actor brought to the set. Since Coach was in fact a college coach, he kept a close eye on some problematic students under his wing and picked out the one he’d considered perfect and at the same time worth looking after. The guy was recovering from compulsory drug treatment and had some ugly scars all over his arms, making him an easier candidate for makeup;

Hoodie, on his part, brought a replacement on his own, and it was his brother - four years younger, even more insanely into parkour and a huge fan of L4D series, he made a perfect new Hunter. Despite being only a few years younger than Hoodie, he instantly became treated like a restless constant-questioner child, a literal piece of sunshine on the set, so the team came to call him just Kid. He adjusted to the nickname after a couple of weeks, though being seriously surprised at it at the start;

The actors of Ellis, Jockey and Charger all come from one family, being two sons and a father. Coach suggested the family as well, being their close friend for many years and pointing out Ellis’ actor appearance being something close to the laid-back mechanic they wanted for the new Survivors team;

Although fluently speaking in a Southern accent, Ellis’ actor isn’t very fond of it as he tried to get rid of it and move to a different state; the role obliged him to use the accent again though and it wasn’t hard to recreate, but he still didn’t take pride in it and was mostly annoyed with it and Nick’s jokes written in script;

Ellis’ actor is also the one more frequently complaining about amount of money the actors receive for their work on set. Their funding increased a bit since S1′s popularity strike but still;

Most of Ellis’ stories were written based on actual on-set incidents, usually featuring Nick’s actor (see below);

Nick’s actor, Taymour, is married to Witch’s actress and is a big fan of her performance in S1. When she heard the idea of having a snarky self-centered ladies’ man in the new Survivors team, she immediately knew who’d handle the role at his best. She also rehearsed the role of Witch just to make sure nothing bad happens to her husband on-set (also see below);

Nick’s actor suffers from constant bad luck incidents. He can accidentally break or twist something without serious effort; he’s also allergic to artificial blood and he is the reason the filming set actually features painkillers and functioning adrenaline shots. Despite all that, he’s got a positive attitude about bad luck and got used to being in a state of constant non-obvious danger, unlike others who geniunely worry about his well-being and fear that one day an accidental injury might end him once and for all;

This trait is also the reason Nick’s line “Can’t you see I’m limping here?” made it into the script - it was improvised after Nick’s actor badly hit his leg and was the last to make it to a saferoom during a take. The team liked it and decided to leave it in;

Nick’s actor treats his role with all respect and doesn’t consider it a small one despite the not so large fee. He’s also a complete opposite to the character, being a very friendly and kind-hearted guy to everyone on set; he can however switch back to his script personality with startling speed and it scared some of the new actors at first. Despite playing an asshole which is very different from real him, Nick’s actor enjoys it a lot and overall finds great joy in working with the team and bringing them together;

Bringing back the topic of being gentle to each other, Nick’s actor takes great care when it’s required to hit or shove someone in the take, keeping it mildest possible, unlike for example Ellis’ actor who can smash you in the face without a second thought;

Nick’s actor and Witch’s actress keep their loving attitude on set as well, sometimes making it hard to shoot scenes featuring a Witch killing; as they were shooting the Witch Bride scene where the same actress took place but had a different outfit and makeup, they ruined several takes by driving the dialogue in unwanted directions, e.g. “Ellis, go kiss the bride! No wait, I’ll do that myself” or “N: Sounds like my ex-wife... W: I still AM your wife, darling! >:C”;

With her husband on stage, Witch’s actress is probably closest to her role - she will tear apart anyone who dares to hit on Nick’s actor or mean any harm to him (as if his own harming isn’t enough...). The only one she’d go loose is Ellis’ actor, being an old close friend;

Ellis’ actor was the one who introduced Nick’s actor to his future wife. They’ve actually been close friends since the university and Ellis’ actor was among those who obviously saw Nick’s actor and Rose being in love but completely oblivious to it. Ellis’ actor is still kinda jealous that she took his best friend away and they can’t hang out anymore like they used to, but they get quite a lot of time on set so he’s less irritated about that;

Nick’s actor is especially supportive towards Rochelle’s actress, Shanola. She feels self-conscious because of her character’s rating being lower than expected and blames it on her performance, but Taymour keeps reassuring her that she’s doing amazing. Rochelle’s actress is also the one least accustomed to shooting a weapon and handling violence of any kind so it was hard for her to get her head into action. With the team fully supporting her, the progress sped up tremendously;

Ellis’ actor’s name is Jesy and he gets salty about people misspelling it or mistaking it for a female name. It was the inspiration to include the “El kinda sounds like a girl’s name” part of Ellis’ dialogue;

The team is overall friendly towards shipping dynamics in the series’ fandom, with the only one explicitly stating otherwise being Ellis’ actor. He’s espeicially upset with Nellis ship as people started shipping actors over it too; he stated multiple times that he and Nick’s actor have been best friends for so long that it’s simply wrong to imply any romantic and/or sexual relationship between them. He once stated in an interview that he’d rather believe an Ellis/Hunter ship and the fandom exploded with it on the next day, much to the actor’s chagrin. The Hunter’s actor, or Kid, however, wasn’t that upset and supported the idea. The team made no confirmation to any ships yet;

Nick’s actor is neutral to most ships including Nellis and doesn’t see why his friend is so angry about it. His personal favorites are Nick/Witch for obvious reasons and Nick/Hunter for less obvious reasons that he doesn’t state. He jokingly suggests Jesy from time to time to start a Kickstarter campaign for a Nellis-centered episode; it’s still unknown whether they’ll take it serious one day.

[aion-rsa]

Doctor Who: Ranking the Master Stories – Which is the Best?

https://ift.tt/2ZLI4i2

Roger Delgado looms large over the character of the Master, being simultaneously influential and something of an anomaly: Delgado played the role with a debonair front, but since his death, the character has been less urbane and more desperate, manic and violent. In fact the actor who’s come closest to Delgado’s approach is Eric Roberts, who plays an American version of Delgado’s Master until his performance goes big towards the end of 1996’ ‘The TV Movie’.

Each actor brings different facets to the fore, but after the character’s successful launch in Season 8 we get the tricky balancing act of the returning villain: We know that the character returns because they’re popular (indeed, the reason for their existence was the question ‘What can we do to attract viewers for the season opener?’), but in story terms, this makes them seem increasingly ridiculous. The Master, among all Doctor Who villains, seems especially keen to involve the Doctor. Why do they keep coming back if they’re always defeated?

In recent stories, writers have attempted an explanation for the Master’s behaviour, be it an unspecified insanity or a damaged friendship where each party attempts to bring the other round to their way of thinking. Mostly, though, the Master appears in Doctor Who for a simple reason: a lot of viewers find it fun when the Master appears in Doctor Who, and the Master seems to find it fun when the Master appears in Doctor Who too.

Overall the character has a solid record in the show. Fewer classics than the Daleks, fewer duds than the Cybermen, but a lot of solidly entertaining stories mostly lifted by his presence. Here, then, is my ranking of – give or take – every Master story from the television series.

27. Time-Flight

I’m sure there are redemptive readings of ‘Time-Flight’, and its flaws are more understandable in the context of its production (with the money running out at the end of the series and a shopping list of items to include imposed on writer Peter Grimwade), but the end result is poor.

To contrast Anthony Ainley’s performance with Roger Delgado’s for a second: Delgado always played the Master with a calm veneer, as though his nonsensical schemes were perfectly sensible. As a result, he seemed in control. Ainley plays the role as if they’re not merely sensible but clearly brilliant plans even though they strain credulity. They’re smaller in scale and this makes Ainley’s Master seem tragicomic. He loses control more, there’s a kind of ‘She’s turned the weans against us’ desperation that’s much more apparent in this incarnation.

‘Time-Flight’ is, despite its faults, a poor example of this. While the Master disguises himself as a mystic for no clear reason, his end goal is simply freeing himself from prehistoric Earth. Once he’s discarded his disguise, Ainley’s performance is largely underplayed (especially in contrast with ‘Castrovalva’, earlier in the season). While there’s some camp value in the guest cast, it’s not enough to rescue this from being dull.

26. The Timeless Children

The most urgent problem with this story is not the retcon, it’s that it’s simply boring television. The Doctor is passive, trapped in a prison of exposition, and billions of children on Gallifrey are slaughtered because the Master is furious that he’s descended from the Doctor (the former childhood friend whose life is intertwined with his own, indeed who is frequently defined against). This, for me, doesn’t extend logically from what we know of the characters or indeed the situation and turns Doctor Who into a grimdark slog. Not only is it lacklustre, it feels like someone has cyber-converted the show itself.

Sacha Dhawan (saddled with a Master characterisation usually reserved for when they’re clinging on to life in animalistic desperation) brings out the aggressive and violent side of the character to reflect his rage and genocide, is satisfyingly disparaging of the Lone Cyberman, and is working hard to liven things up. There’s not a lot for him to work with, though. This Master is not a dark mirror of the Doctor, he’s just here to do what the plot needs him to. Sometimes that’s what the Master is there for, to be fair, but usually in stories with much lower stakes.

You realise that the Master is only back because the story needed a big villain to destroy Gallifrey and tell the Doctor about the Timeless Child, and it couldn’t be the Cybermen (because of their other function in the series finale) or the Daleks (been there, done that). Based on the character’s interactions with the Time Lords (most obviously Rassilon in ‘The End of Time’ and the chaos he sows in ‘Trial of a Time Lord’, but Borusa was presumably the Master’s teacher too, and uses him in ‘The Five Doctors’), it’s not completely implausible that the Master would resent them, but the reasons shown thus far inadequately explain the character deliberately committing genocide. Whenever the Master’s been reset previously there’s usually been a clear and coherent motivation. In ‘Deadly Assassin’ he’s dying and furious, in ‘Logopolis’ his pettiness unravels him, and in ‘The Sound of Drums’ he wants to be like the Tenth Doctor. Here though, his motivation just poses more questions.

Things could improve. This story is incomplete and – like a Scottish football fan watching their team in Europe – hope lingers that it might be alright in the end.

25. The King’s Demons

After disguising himself reasonably well in ‘Castrovalva’ and ‘Time-Flight’, here the French Knight with the outrageous accent and surname ‘Estram’ is clearly the Master. His goal is to use a shape-shifting android to stop the Magna Carta being signed. The result is less exciting than it sounds. It’s an amiable enough low-key runaround with some good character moments for the regulars, but you’d be forgiven for thinking this was the plateau of the Master’s descent. Ainley, deprived of a Concorde crew to camp things up, gamely takes on that mantle himself.

24. The Trial of a Time Lord

As with ‘Mark of the Rani’, here we find the show using the Ainley incarnation more knowingly. Here he turns up in the thirteenth of fourteen episodes to interrupt the Doctor’s trial. This is something of a relief, because if there’s a consensus on ‘Trial of a Time Lord’ it’s that the trial scenes are interminable. Then the Master arrives on an Eighties screensaver and just turns the whole thing on its head, casually dropping huge revelations that take a minute to sink in. His presence has a galvanising effect, bringing to a head everything that had been stirring thus far in the story. His satisfaction with Gallifrey falling into chaos also ties in nicely to ‘The Five Doctors’ and his later actions in the Time War. The final episode, written in an extremely turbulent situation, doesn’t pay off this thread well (originally the Master was intended to help the Doctor in the Matrix) but that it makes sense at all is impressive given the chaos behind the scenes.

23. Spyfall

The reveal at the end of Part One, in which mild mannered agent O is revealed to be the Master, was exciting on broadcast. It came as a surprise because there’d been so little build up to it, and at the time it seemed extremely unlikely that the Master would come back so soon after their last appearance. In the end, the contrivance that reveals the Master’s presence is indicative of this episode’s larger flaws: as with ‘The Timeless Children’ the character motivations and plotting feel like they’ve been worked backwards from an endpoint. This is not an intrinsically bad way of writing if you have the time and ability to make it work, but here the episode breezes along in the hope you won’t notice the artifice (small things, like the car chase that doesn’t go anywhere, to larger ones like the Master reveal drawing attention to his ludicrously convoluted scheme that involves getting hired and fired by MI6). As it does breeze it isn’t dull, at least, but the promise of Doctor Who doing a spy film with added surprise Master really isn’t fulfilled here.

22. Colony in Space

Possibly the most boring interesting story ever, and one where the Master’s appearance doesn’t lift things. If anything, it implies the Master spends his spare time as a legal official (and to be fair to ‘Spyfall’, it does maintain this tradition of the Master sticking out a day job). Aware that the character’s appearance in every Season 8 story might become predictable, the production team decided he should arrive late in this story. This makes it feel like the Master has simply been added to pad out an underrunning six-parter (and there is a lot of lethargic padding here).

There are some interesting ideas, especially the tension between Doctor Who’s revolutionary side and its conservative one; on the radical side the story clearly sides with the colonists of Uxarieus in the face of the Interplanetary Mining Corporation’s attempts to remove them by force, with initially sympathetic governor Ashe shown to be naïve, while gradually the more active Winton exerts more authority and is proven right when he insists on armed rebellion rather than plodding through legal processes that would inevitably take the IMC’s side (the IMC’s leader, Captain Dent, is a timeless villain – calmly causing and exploiting human misery without qualms).

On the conservative side, this is a story based on British settlers in America and their relationship with the indigenous population. Here we have some British colonists under attack by British intergalactic mining corporations, and throughout everyone refers to the natives of Uxarieus as primitives. It is ultimately revealed that they were once an advanced civilisation, but the Doctor continues using the term. Indeed, he warns the Master that one is about to attack him, knowing the Master will shoot them. This latter example is absolutely in character, and we’ll see in other stories how the Doctor’s blindspot towards the Master is explored in greater detail (indeed, this story also has the Master offering to share his power and use it for good, another thread in a Malcolm Hulke script picked up on later).Considering how padded this story is, though, having no sense of empathy towards or exploration of the Uxarieans’ point of view is a glaring omission.

21. The Time Monster

In many ways ‘The Time Monster’ is crap, with its Very Large performances and a man in a cloth bird costume squawking and flapping gamely. In many ways ‘The Time Monster’ is good, there’s some funny dialogue, great ideas, and a fantastic scene with the Doctor and Master mocking each other in their TARDISes. In many ways ‘The Time Monster’ is hypnotically insane, and you can’t help but admire the way it earnestly presents itself as entirely reasonable; ‘The Time Monster’ straddles the ‘Objectively Crap/Such a hoot’ divide, and is in fact the Master in microcosm with its blend of nonsense, camp, and occasional brutality.

Delgado has now been firmly established as someone who usually lifts a story with his presence, the Master’s routine now a regular and expected part of the programme’s appeal. It’s cosy enough to somehow be endearing despite this clearly being crap on many levels. This is Doctor Who that is extremely comfortable in its own skin; on one hand this involves establishing that the Doctor’s subconscious mind being a source of discomfort for him, and on the other it involves five characters gathering round to laugh at Sergeant Benton’s penis.

20. Castrovalva

‘Castrovalva’ suffers from similar structural problems to ‘Logopolis’, in that the first two episodes are a preamble, and while there’s no lack of good ideas it does feel like the regulars have to go on a long walk to actually arrive in the story. This means we have a lot of good moments (‘Three sir’, ‘With my eyes, no, but in my philosophy’, and the Master being set upon by the Castrovalvans in a nightmarish frieze, as if he’s about to be pulled apart) but there’s little emotional pull as we haven’t spent time with the characters. The idea of people being created by the Master for an elaborate trap and then gaining free will is great, but we’ve only known them for about half an hour so the impact is lessened. The ponderings around ‘if’ in the first half could be better connected with the concepts in the second.

In contrast to the cerebral tone, Ainley is at his hammiest here. Sensing perhaps that the Master improvising an even more elaborate plan than his previous two is stretching credulity, and stuck with Adric and his little pneumatic lift (not a euphemism), Ainley goes big and ends up yelling ‘MY WEB’ while standing like he’s forgotten how to bowl overarm (extremely unlikely given Ainley’s fondness for cricket). He’s also started dressing up again, which is actually done well here but the knowledge of what’s to come makes this foreboding.

‘Castrovalva’ also connects with John Simm’s Master’s misogyny, in that when Nyssa tells him he’s being an idiot he can’t think of a reply so pushes her away, and that he creates a world where the women’s role is to do the cleaning (although that might be partly explained by Christopher Bidmead following ‘Logopolis’ with another world of bearded old science dudes).

19. The Mark of the Rani

In some ways a low point for the Master, but also a relatively good-natured story for Season 22. Here the Master is first seen dressed as a scarecrow, and chuckles at the brilliance of his disguise, as if the Doctor should really expect to find him hiding in a field caked in mud. His plan is to accelerate the industrial revolution so he can use a teched-up Earth as a powerbase.

It’s not that this Master lacks ambition, it’s just that his plans all feel like first drafts.  He also plays second fiddle to the title character, with the Rani clearly put out that he’s there at all. Ainley, who regarded a few of his scripts as less than impressive, wasn’t happy at being demoted, but this works for the character. This pettiness is part of the Master now, and so ‘Mark of the Rani’ can be celebrated for finding a tone and a role that makes sense for him, something that invites the audience to indulge him rather than take him too seriously.

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18. The Mind of Evil

The Master is cemented here as an entertaining nonsense. He has a multi-phase plan to start World War III which involves converting a peace conference delegate into the avatar of an alien parasite which has been installed in A Clockwork Orange–style machine in a prison, after which he will take over the planet. Delgado, as ever, plays this as if it’s perfectly straightforward. As with his debut story the Master bites off more than he can chew in his allegiances, and you get the impression he’s not totally serious about global domination and just wants to hang out with the Doctor. Pertwee is at his peak here, rude and abrasive, righteous and enjoyably sarcastic, but also put through the wringer by the Keller Machine (which the Master has apparently invented using the alien parasite).

For all the good work ‘The Mind of Evil’ does with the Doctor and the Master (the idea that the Master’s greatest fear is the Doctor laughing at him ultimately comes to define the character), and with this being a mostly well-made story, it does devolve into an action-orientated (I say ‘devolve’, your mileage may vary) story where the Keller machine is now lethal and capable of teleporting, combined with a Bond movie plot where UNIT find themselves transporting a missile and guarding a peace conference (far from their stated goal of dealing with the odd and unexplained).

There’s a satisfying clash between the horror of the Keller Machine and the sight of prison guards shooting and screaming at what looks like a Nespresso prototype sitting on the floor. This is a good tonal summary of ‘The Mind of Evil’ – a lot of grimness (horrible deaths and genuinely nasty characters) rubbing up against something enjoyably silly.

17. The End of Time

As with ‘The TV Movie’ here the Master get some new and largely inexplicable powers, suddenly craving food and flesh. What John Simm’s stories add is the idea that the Master was driven mad by the constant sound of drums. Here it is revealed that the Time Lords planted it in the eight-year-old Master’s head as a means of escaping the Time War. As with The Timeless Child reveal, this Chosen One storyline lessens the characters for some viewers, limiting the character’s free will and making them less interesting. Russell T. Davies is smarter than that here though.

What works well are the references to the Doctor and Master’s childhood, the brief suggestion that that Master would like to travel with the Doctor without the drumming, the Master and Doctor choosing to save each other and return the Time Lords to their war; the Master rejecting his appointed role of saviour, refusing to have his entire life disrupted. Including the Master here is a good move beyond hype, offering a warped reflection of the departing hero (the fact that the Master’s big plan is grounded in vanity is telling).

It’s a strange mix, because there are clearly great scenes in this story, but the dominant impression of the Master is now being able to fly, shoot lasers from his hands, and occasionally have his flesh go see-through. The latter feels like a call-back to his emaciated state in ‘The Deadly Assassin’ but lacks the physicality.

It feels not dissimilar to ‘Twice Upon a Time’, in that it contains parts of what made the showrunner’s work so good, as well as being a clear sign that it was time to move on.

16. Logopolis

Maybe it’s because I didn’t have the context of its original broadcast, that sense of a Titan of my childhood finally saying goodbye, but – besides a memory of finding the opening episode unnerving on VHS – I have no real sense of this story from a child’s point-of-view. As it is, I can appreciate the ideas in it – a planet of spoken maths that can influence reality (riffing on Clarke’s Third Law), the sense of the Fourth Doctor’s regeneration being inevitable, the scale of the threat involved and that it results from the Master’s attempts at petty revenge rather than a deliberate plan – but I can’t honestly say they’re woven into compelling drama.

I have few objections to silliness in Doctor Who, but I find it hard to get on board with something so ludicrous that thinks it’s incredibly serious.

There are the recursive TARDISes that stop because the Doctor has to go outside for the cliff-hanger, Tegan spending her first story as someone with a child-like fixation on planes, the exciting drama of Adric and the Monitor checking an Excel sheet for errors, and the stunning scene where the Doctor explains that the Master knew he was going to measure a police box by the Barnet bypass because ‘He’s a Time Lord: in many ways we have the same mind’ immediately followed by the Doctor’s idea to get the Master out of his TARDIS by materialising underwater and opening the door. This story thinks itself clever, but judders forward through a series of nonsensical contrivances before cramming the actual story into two episodes.

The first half is stylish nonsense, building up to the reveal of the Master chuckling to himself about ‘cutting the Doctor down to size’ – it’s then you realise that everything he did in the first two episodes was for the sake of a joke that only he can hear, and this pun kills several trillion people. To be fair, this is a brilliant idea, it’s just a shame about the slog to get to this point. The final confrontation is then less ‘Reichenbach Falls’ and more ‘Argument at a Maplin’.

The Master is well played by Antony Ainley in his full debut, and as a child his mocking laughter was genuinely unsettling. As reality unravels, so does he. If he’d killed trillions deliberately, and they knew of his power before dying, he’d be fine, but doing it by mistake without people knowing seems to break him. Mostly there’s the feeling of lost momentum with the character, going from a powerful symbol of evil that corrupted paradise to a man broken by his own banter.

As with Nyssa witnessing the death of her planet, there’s a lot of potential for character drama here that the show wasn’t interested in exploring at the time.

15. The TV Movie

As written, the Master here is a devious, manipulative creature who is willing to destroy an entire planet just to survive. This is extremely solid characterisation, matching what’s gone before. You can also hear Delgado delivering this dialogue (though I’m not sure how he’d respond to ‘you’re also a CGI snake who can shoot multi-purpose venom’).

The shorthand for this Master is Eric Roberts’ big performance in the finale, which does tend to blot out the rest of his acting. Full of smarm and charm, Roberts is mostly downplaying his lines as an American version of Delgado (indeed his costume for the ‘dress for the occasion’ scene was going to be like Delgado’s Nehru jacket), and his line delivery obscures the fact that the final confrontation scene is very well written up until Chang Lee’s death. It’s quite a good summary of the character so far: cunning, persuasive, visually monstrous, driven by survival, then ultimately camp and desperate.

While the Master and Doctor’s rebirths are very well shot, the movie would have worked better without regeneration so we could get more screentime with the new cast, and the final confrontation is the only time the Doctor and Master get to actually talk, which means we only get a broad brushstrokes version of their relationship. Nonetheless the ‘What do you know of last chances?’ ‘More than you’ exchange is fantastic.

14. The Claws of Axos

Bob Baker and Dave Martin’s debut script for the show is busy and full of nightmare-fuel for the viewer, with the Master (who wasn’t in earlier drafts) put into uneasy alliances with UNIT and the Doctor. Briefly he fulfils the role of UNIT’s Chief Scientific Advisor, which is inspired, showing through his interactions with the Brigadier how alike he and the Doctor are.

The first story in which the Master is just grifting and trying to survive rather than being halfway through a devious plan. ‘The Claws of Axos’ wisely tries something different with the Master in the midst of an enjoyably garish romp (Doctor Who will never have this colour palette ever again). There’s some effective body horror, tinges of psychedelia, and a hokey American accent.  

It’s all over the place this one, but barrels along with glee and feels like the Pertwee era has relaxed into a lighter mood, albeit one where people are still electrocuted and turned into orange beansprout monsters.

13. Terror of the Autons

We are immediately told that the Master is dangerous, but also not to take him too seriously: one of the first things he does in Doctor Who is kidnap a circus in order to raid a museum.

And so the rest of the story proves: a darkly comic (and famously terrifying) blast which sets out the character of the Master for the rest of the Pertwee era: the delicate balance between the ridiculous and the vicious. Delgado isn’t quite there yet in this story, not fully realising the comic potential in the character and playing things straighter than he would later. One thing he lands immediately is acting as if the Master’s plans are perfectly sensible, bridging the gap between animating murderous chairs/phone cables and suffocating people with plastic daffodils, so that they die uncomprehendingly as they claw at their face. 

Therein lies the appeal of Doctor Who, with one of its central tensions being between the mundane and the ridiculous, the cosy and the suffocating. This is exemplified here by a plastic doll coming to life and trying to kill everyone because Captain Yates wanted to make some cocoa.

12. The Dæmons

In which the Master is good-humoured and ostensibly pleasant while trying to summon a demonic alien being, accompanied by a moving stone gargoyle who can vaporise people. The show is well aware of the Master’s impact, to the extent that one of the cliff-hangers features him in danger rather than the Doctor or UNIT.

What his debut season has established is that the Master himself is mostly fun (indeed, often more fun than the Doctor), but the monsters that he brings with him are terrifying. This is true from his first story, in which he brings a barrage of nightmarish ideas to life. Bok, the aforementioned gargoyle in this story, absolutely terrified me as a child. Most of the accompanying monsters in the Pertwee era did, but by tapping into the paranormal and demonic this story has an extra frisson of fear.

I have nothing new to say about ‘The Dæmons’: it’s the first Doctor Who story to mine the works of Erich van Daniken and it does it well, the Doctor is a dick in it, the resolution with Jo’s self-sacrifice is weak, it’s an episode too long, but also it’s got Nick Courtney effortlessly winning every scene he’s in, which helps a lot.

11. The Five Doctors

This is a story that plays to Ainley’s strengths, and he delivers. No other Master is as good at looking pleased with themselves, so when the Master is having a mission pitched to him by the High Council of Time Lords Ainley’s face is priceless. He’s present, and enjoying himself immensely, disdainful of the upper echelons of the society he escaped.

Then, when he attempts to persuade the Doctors that he’s there to help, the fact they all immediately assume he’s trying to trick them makes him entertainingly frustrated. Terrance Dicks’ script plays to the former friendship between the two characters, and the Master feels more like his old self before the Brigadier dispatches him with a cathartic biff. His brief alliance with and inevitable betrayal of the Cybermen is something you can imagine Delgado delivering, while also highlighting the difference in the two incarnations. Delgado would say ‘Your loyal servant’ with confidence, and find the ‘driving sheep across minefields’ line drily amusing. Ainley feels venal and nasty in these scenes, more like a childhood bully trying not to get hit. That he ultimately does is a lovely pay-off.

10. The Sea Devils

A somewhat padded Pertwee six-parter? With much of the padding being fight scenes with lots of guns and stuntmen flipping everywhere? With the Doctor being rude to everyone? And a meddling Civil Servant, Jo being plucky and resourceful, and the Master allying himself with a group that betrays him? With Malcolm ‘Mac’ ‘Incredible’ Hulke subtly undermining the entire thing? It’s like coming back to your old local and finding nothing has changed while you understand it better than ever.

Trenchard, in charge of the Master’s prison, is a relic of Empire and friends with Captain Hart – the highest ranking Naval officer we meet – who is clearly sad when he is killed. this story may have been made with the co-operation of the Navy but Hulke implies an old boys’ club which the Doctor breezes into and disrupts (but he is no longer averse to the military’s involvement as he was in ‘The Silurians’- it’s not clear whether it’s his relationship with UNIT or the Master that has changed his mind here – is he now used to having military support or does he deem it necessary due to the Master’s presence?).

Hulke, being one of the better writers of character the show had at this point, draws out his characters extremely well and deepens the Doctor and Master’s relationship by mentioning their past in more detail (a lot of what Steven Moffat developed in Series 8 – 10 was inspired by Hulke). Delgado briefly departs from the cosiness of this story by snapping in rage at a guard he’s attacking, letting the affable façade drop just for a second to show the fury beneath it all. It’s a small moment, but it’s something that will be built on for many years to come.

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9. Frontier in Space

In some ways, this is just a ridiculously long pre-credits sequence for ‘Planet of the Daleks’, but there’s just something incredibly endearing about Doctor Who attempting a space opera, complete with hyperdrives and space walks. The genius move is giving it to Malcolm Hulke, who fleshes out his characters more than most and manages to use genre cliches to achieve this. There’s a great gag where the Doctor tries to convince the Earth authorities that a war with the Draconians is being engineered, only to be captured by the Draconians who put him through the exact same rigmarole.

This is also Roger Delgado’s final story before his tragic death, and he arrives delightfully, walking into Jo’s prison cell and saying ‘Let me take you away from all this’. He’s also, after ‘Colony in Space’, taken another day job, this time as a commissioner from Sirius IV. Hulke is clearly determined to explain what the character gets up to on his days off, and the repetition both underlines how static the character has been (especially in contrast to Jo Grant) but also functions as something of a last hurrah.

The dialogue is absolutely superb throughout, which is ideal because not a lot actually happens in this story. However it doesn’t really matter because Jo, the Doctor and the Master are so established that it’s great fun watching them all riff off each other, with Jo resisting the Master’s hypnotism and going on a weary semi-ironic monologue about her day-to-day life at UNIT, the Doctor having a whale of time with political prisoners, and the Master dropping bon mots left, right and centre. There’s a lot of great lines here, so I don’t really mind the repeated capture/escape/capture padding because everyone’s having such fun that it’s just a joy spending time with them.

8. The Magician’s Apprentice / The Witch’s Familiar

Opening a series with a character piece semi-sequel to a 1975 story shouldn’t work this well, however there’s definitely a sense of offering up shiny things to distract us from setting up other stories. The ending also happens in something of a rush. Nonetheless, I’m a big fan.

This story is interesting in terms of how inward looking it is. All the components involved have been established since 2005 and are explained in-story, but it’s still a demand that can limit the audience. So while I like this story, it does rather confirm that ultimately, making Doctor Who that’s right up my street isn’t a valid long-term strategy. However, if you are going to do a story steeped in lore, this is a good way of doing it: using the past as a foundation rather than trying to recreate it. Here Steven Moffat builds a lot: the Twelfth Doctor’s character softens based on his past few stories, Missy and Davros return and their relationships with the Doctor are explored, the actual experience of being a Dalek is expanded on (Rob Shearman’s ‘Dalek’ novelisation goes further if you’re into that), and the Hybrid arc is set up.

Previously in a ‘Ranking the Dalek Stories’ article I mentioned how ‘Into the Dalek’ felt like a story needed to establish that series’ themes, and didn’t do enough to integrate this with a good Dalek story. Here, though, the themes are woven more subtly in the episodes and less so in their titles. They’re also more interesting ones than ‘Fellas, is it bad to hate genocidal cyborgs?’

In the swirl of character building we have Missy essentially being the Doctor, exploring Skaro with her companion. Clara takes this role and has a terrible time as a result. As with the Doctor’s conversation with Davros, this highlights uncomfortable similarities: yes, Clara is literally pushed into danger while Missy has a secret plan for her, but it’s not like the Doctor hasn’t done similar over the years.

7. Planet of Fire

Considering all the tasks it has to do (introduce a new companion, write out two existing companions, using Lanzarote for location filming, and provide a potential exit for Anthony Ainley’s Master), ‘Planet of Fire’ is ultimately rather impressive. It suffers from an uneventful first episode (roughly 80% setup and 20% dodgy American accents), but once the Master arrives it livens up considerably.

With the Master controlling Kamelion, a shape-shifting android, remotely Ainley gives different performances for the actual Master and the Kamelion-Master, the latter more controlled. He’s also having fun here (his little smile after Peri responds to ‘I am the Master’ with ‘So what?’ is great) The Kamelion-Master, in a black suit and shirt combo (which suits him better than his usual outfit), seems more pragmatic and violent. It actually works for Ainley’s Master to be less threatening than a robot version of himself. Bent on survival, this Master has a better motivation than usual and the writing is layered: when he realises he’s in trouble in the final episode he switches instantly to pleading for his life and futile rage as the Doctor stares, either unable or unwilling to help him. There are emotional beats like this throughout the story which makes it fit well with post-2005 Doctor Who.

The rest of ‘Planet of Fire’ – as with writer Peter Grimwade’s previous script ‘Mawdryn Undead’ – has a knack for character lacking in many Fifth Doctor stories. As well as being a strong outing for the Master he writes Turlough out well and introduces Peri as a flawed but brave companion who clearly had a lot of potential. These arcs all intersect with each other, as well as the religious fundamentalism story (watered down in development), producing clear emotional journeys and an underrated gem.

6. Utopia / The Sound of Drums / Last of the Time Lords

Delgado’s Master was very specifically an inversion of Jon Pertwee’s Doctor: both of them were geniuses, one was grumpy and rude and the other suave and funny. The rude one tended to save the Earth, the funny one tried to subjugate or destroy it. John Simm’s Master isn’t an inversion of David Tennant’s Doctor so much as a warped reflection – they’re both quick-talking, charismatic and alluring figures, but while this Doctor is dangerous because he doesn’t notice the power he has over people, this Master is dangerous because he absolutely does.

It’s worth noting on the character’s reintroduction that Russell T. Davies dispensed with the kind of low-key plan that is clearly doomed to failure from the start, and instead showed the full realisation of the Master getting what he wanted coupled with the most cartoonish version of the character we’d seen: Simm went bigger than Tennant, and as Ten is a dangerous enough figure already it made sense to exaggerate this. While some fans wanted another Delgado, we got someone building on Ainley and Roberts’ over-the-topness while still feeling in control of his plans.

The character’s return was also tremendously exciting on broadcast. The impact that ‘Utopia’ had especially was huge, and Derek Jacobi left fans wanting more after his brief appearance as the Master (Hey, Big Finish Twitter person: here’s your angle if you want to retweet this). After the endearingly dated urban thriller stylings of the middle episode, ‘Last of the Time Lords’ is a really bleak episode that doesn’t quite stick the landing: the idea behind the floating Doctor offering forgiveness rather than vengeance is good, although I’m not sure it’s realised as well as it could be, and there’s an extra fight scene that adds nothing and loses momentum. The Simm Master is kept at a distance from the Tenth Doctor too, mostly speaking through phone or radio. The aged and shrunken Doctor is a misstep in terms of limiting their interactions, though the phone call we do get includes some fun nods to slash fic.

5. Survival

Rona Munro writes Ace and people her age with more verisimilitude than the surrounding stories, and she brings that same level of characterisation to the Master. Here he’s struggling against the animalistic power of a planet and plotting to escape. Ainley commits to the savagery and relishes the opportunities to be nasty.

What’s especially well written here is that this is still clearly the Master of ‘Time-Flight’, ‘The King’s Demons’ and ‘The Mark of the Rani’ – yes, he’s desperately trying to survive here and that shows him as more threatening than usual, but what’s equally important is when he says ‘It nearly beat me. Such a simple brutal power’, and then immediately takes the Doctor back to the planet, now engulfed in flames, and tries to kill him. It has beaten him. He’s lost to it. He even refuses to escape (‘We can’t go, not this time’) and is ready to die. This is the last we’ll see of Ainley in the role on TV (his last performance in the role, from a mid-Nineties computer game, can be found on this story’s DVD extras), going out with the acknowledgement that this Master is a tragic figure, he’s out of silly plans and costumes, now all that he has left is the violence that was latent within him – previously seen in…

4. The Deadly Assassin

Writer Robert Holmes hadn’t written for the Master since the character’s first story, and since then the character’s sadism had been downplayed. Here, after the death of Roger Delgado, Holmes elected to dispense with Delgado’s calm and suave persona, with the Master now a Grim-Reaper-like figure, still hypnotic but now without any pretence of reason: a creature of pure spite. That moment of jarring rage from ‘The Sea Devils’? That’s on the surface now. This, combined with his design for life, makes his plan seem more vicious than usual: simply to survive he will set off a chain of events that will destroy Gallifrey and hundreds of other planets. We’ve gone from the warped friendship of Delgado and Pertwee’s characters to explicitly stated hatred here.

The story does feature Holmes’ main weakness, in that after the fantastic world building, dialogue and horror, it all ends rather swiftly with the Doctor physically dominating the villain. What we do get here, though, is an almost casual rewriting of the lore of the series in a gripping and atypical story (that some fans hated at the time), and the successful recasting of the Master. What’s more, the character can now be revisited as this nightmarish figure or as another more Delgado-like figure, his scope has widened. What no one was expecting, though, was bringing the Master back as an almost primal force.

3. The Keeper of Traken

I know what you’re thinking. Putting this story ahead of ‘The Deadly Assassin’ is madness. Well, that’s subjective opinions for you. I think it’s fair to say that ‘The Deadly Assassin’ is a more solidly realised production than ‘The Keeper of Traken’, but I prefer the ideas in the latter and so it’s slightly ahead for me (and the ideas are still well realised).

We’ve seen from his debut onwards that the Master arrives in a location or organisation and brings it under his influence (the village in ‘The Dæmons’, the Matrix in ‘The Deadly Assassin’), but here we see him corrupt an entire civilisation. What’s more, it’s a fairy tale of a place, reputedly somewhere ‘evil just shrivelled up and died’ (to which the Doctor adds enigmatically ‘Maybe that’s why I never went there’).

I’m not 100% behind the more mythic versions of the Master (such as Joe Lidster’s Big Finish play ‘Master’, which is a great piece of work in itself but not one I keep in my headcanon). This could be one of them, with the Master a being of such purest evil that he infects and destroys the fairy tale kingdom.

Instead Johnny Byrne’s story shows Traken with a fairy tale’s darkness and decay, begging the the question of how much of Traken’s fall is down to the Master and how much of it is due to their own complacency (Traken’s Consuls are old and bickering. The youngest is clearly an idiot. They seem distant from their people). It seems the Master’s arrival exacerbates the collapse rather than causes it. This level of power likely comes from the original script without the Master, the character fulfilling a role created for something new, but it still fits with the ‘Deadly Assassin’ version who plays long games motivated purely by survival and spite.

And he capitalises on a very human fear, that of Kassia not wanting her new husband Tremas to take over as the titular keeper so that she will barely see him again. The main weak point of this story is that Doctor Who was not in a position to really commit to the heart-breaking ideas in this story (technobabble yes, but not as much pathos as there should be), especially the Master’s abrupt takeover of Tremas’ body.

As a child I found the final possession scene underwhelming, but the bit where the Master takes control of the Doctor is chilling. You understood that something extremely serious was happening. Tom Baker, it must be said, is exceptional here, especially when he shames Tremas (who doesn’t seem too fussed by the possession of his new wife) into helping him.

This story has a rich setup with good motivations for drama, and balances this with a more mythic quality. This is a significant development for the character, to become an evil so pervasive it manifests as rapid societal decay. Fortunately if there are two things Doctor Who fans are good at dealing with, it’s symbolism in storytelling and change.

2. Dark Water / Death in Heaven

Missy is something of a patchwork creation by necessity. In some respects she’s an evolution of John Simm’s Master, a manic figure concocting season finale-scale schemes and building on the Tenth Doctor’s frustration that they aren’t friends. She also evokes Peter Pratt’s Master in terms of sadism, killing a fair few of the guest cast, including some unexpected ones (and for a while it looks like she’s killed Kate Lethbridge-Stewart). She’s also reminiscent of Delgado, not necessarily in Michelle Gomez’ performance but in the sense that she’s largely in control and is written and cast as an inversion of the Doctor (Capaldi is irascible, seemingly heartless and mostly contained, whereas Gomez buzzes with childlike energy and revels in cruelty). From here, Moffat starts building towards the ends of Series 9 and 10.

Two things separate Missy from other incarnations: firstly there’s Michelle Gomez, a unique performer who varies the size of her performance in interesting ways, and secondly there’s explicit vocalisation of past suggestions that the Master does what they do as a warped gesture of friendship. This makes the character suddenly and deliberately tragic and strangely relatable: we’ve all been in difficult relationships where we try to get someone else’s attention, but none of us have been driven to an unspecified insanity by virtue of a constant drumming sound implanted by the resurrected founder of our entire society. As an explanation for all of the Master’s behaviour it’s rather neat, while also trying something different with the season finale: the grand plan isn’t to conquer the world (as with ‘Logopolis’ a colossal death toll is a side effect).

It’s Moffat’s grimmest finale – atypically no happy ending here – but if it hadn’t worked then there wouldn’t have been such solid foundations for what followed.

1. World Enough and Time / The Doctor Falls

Series 10 is arguably one long Master story, as Series 1 is one long Dalek story, which is not only true but also a handy excuse for not wanting to watch ‘The Lie of the Land’. Missy’s story is initially told around the edges of the episodes, and as a result these short scenes are to the point and occasionally clunky while laying foundations for the finale. Fortunately the finale is superb.

We are shown the relationship between the Doctor and the Master as a tragedy spanning millennia: ‘She’s the only person that I’ve ever met who’s even remotely like me’, and so the Doctor’s hope that the Master can be the friend he remembers trumps Bill’s fears. And Bill is shot. It harks right back to the Doctor remarking – after all the death and carnage in ‘Terror of the Autons’ – that’s he’s rather looking forward to their rivalry. The Doctor has a blind spot where the Master is concerned, and it kills people.

It’s impossible to say how well the John Simm reveal would have worked if his presence hadn’t already been announced, but nonetheless he does great work as both Razor and a Master who represents pretty much all other incarnations except Delgado (not unlike the War Doctor standing in for all the original run’s Doctors in ‘The Day of the Doctor’). Steven Moffat builds on the way Simm’s Master delights in pure nastiness but continues to be cruel when there’s no joy in it for him. His is a Master abandoned by his people and his friend, very much feeling it is him against the universe.

In contrast, Moffat had been re-establishing the sense of friendship present between Delgado and Pertwee’s characters with Missy and 12. Delgado’s planned final story was planned to reveal the Doctor and the Master as two aspects of the same person, with the Master ultimately dying in an explosion that saved the Doctor’s life (with it remaining ambiguous whether this was a deliberate sacrifice). It feels like Moffat took inspiration from this, with the resulting story of a broken friendship and the cost of restoring it: Bill’s conversion to a Cyberman, the Doctor’s words – for once – cutting through to the Master, who tries and fails to escape her past. Part of her would rather die than be friends with the Doctor (as Simm’s Master also did in Series 3).

It’s spoilt slightly by Simm commenting that this is their perfect ending, which feels like it’s obvious without being spelled out, but on the other hand he does have a point. If you were going to kill off the Master, it’s hard to see past this as their ideal conclusion.

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