#sorry for the introspective post

[mootmead]

Hobby journal : I wanted to go back to painting for quite a long time now but some existential crisis kept me back. I thought I was done with it last year when I took the oath to keep my hobby at a 28mm scale, but introspective summer came along and kept messing with my head and my philosophy of life. I spent all summer debating with myself whether or not I should start my crafting youtube channel. Now that I've started the Jedi Survivor game and found so many things that inspire I think maybe I should ? At least I'm in the mood to. I'll see how long it will lasts.

[sangled]

ship dynamic i eat up every time

[mal3nko]

No because Dorian becoming Archon of Tevinter should have given us at least SOME inner conflict on his part when it comes to achieving that status since it’s what his father ultimately wanted him to be in the first place when he was younger. Like there’s so many aspects about him reaching that position that should have put into question a lot of things about his personal journey and Veilguard does absolutely NOTHING with it.

I mean, you can choose who’s the ruler of Fereldan in Origins as well as who’s the new Divine in Inquistion and I feel like both of those choices give an appropriate amount of characterization and inner conflict with the people involved. We get a proper look at how whoever is elected truly feels about their position, like an unhardened Alistair feeling very unconfident about being king and is even willing to break up with a non-Cousland Warden for the sake of his country. I guess this is part of a bigger issue with Veilguard in general and how it just seems so uninterested in tackling the bigger picture when it comes to politics within Thedas, and by extension how people truly feel about reaching these positions of power.

Like I’m sorry, but I just needed a lot more from Dorian than just “Oh, I’m going to be Archon? Excellent! I’m a little nervous about it but I’m sure I’ll get the job done!”.

[ghostof-awriter]

Have we considered that the main reason Jean’s insults sound the way they do is because he’s just parroting back what he’d been called at the Nest?

It was his primary learning environment for english, after all.

[moonchild-in-blue]

If you choose to look at Sleep as an allegory for depression/mental illness, the romantic and co-dependent nature of Vessel's lyrics hurt that much more.

"I hate you and you're bad for me" "I don't know who I am without you" "Please set me free" "Please don't leave me" "You're an intrinsic part of me" "I must become someone new".

Ya feel me?

[gayeddie-saved-me]

it’s a selfish thought and arthur knows it because merlin has spent so much time hiding a vital part of his existence, his very being, all because of arthur. so he presses it down into the deepest recesses of himself and focuses on doing everything he can to support merlin, to give merlin the world he deserves. a world where he is free.

but sometimes, when he’s alone in his room surrounded by his endless responsibilities, he will think to himself, i am nothing.

merlin and the old religion hold him as this once and future king, but no matter what they say, he can’t understand why they think any of this is about him. it was never him. everything he’d done, every accomplishment and fight he’d won had never been his to claim. he was a fraud. he was a lonely king with nothing to his name beyond the blood on his hands, the blood staining his every crevice.

he isn’t the once and future king. he doesn’t deserve any of the praise. he is the moon, a piece of rock in the sky that shines only because of the sun. without the sun, the moon is worthless. without the sun, no one would have ever looked at the moon twice.

arthur had never been proud of his mistakes and his inaction when it came to his father’s slaughter, but he had been proud of the things he had done to keep his kingdom and his people safe and healthy and happy. he has fought and fought and fought only to discover he had never even landed a punch. every knockout, every victory he had held up to hide the ugly nothingness of his true, empty self was never his to hold. with the discovery of merlin’s magic, any worthiness he thought he’d earned had slipped through his fingers like sand through a sieve.

merlin is beautiful and powerful. merlin is a god amongst men, a gift given to this world, given to arthur, and for what?

this prophecy for arthur was always about merlin. he carried the weight, he fought and fought and fought and he won, merlin was the one who had carried this kingdom on his back until they reached the safety of the golden era of the current day.

it’s a selfish thought, to be thinking of himself in relation to merlin’s magic when merlin has suffered every single day because of arthur. and yet, in those moments, he can’t help but wonder why he was born at all, why he was named savior of a group of people who would’ve never died if only he had stayed unmade, a whisper of nothingness in his mother’s womb.

his first breath caused a massacre, a genocide, and yet he was given an angel and a title and a prophecy of greatness he could never actually fulfill.

he would never tell merlin about these thoughts he had. merlin would end up feeling guilty somehow, would carry the weight of arthur’s worthlessness even more by taking on the deserved revulsion arthur had for himself.

no, he couldn’t tell merlin about this. merlin would tell him he was wrong, would try to talk him up and fix it. would use that endless kindness to tell arthur endless stories about his own importance. merlin would shine his sunshine on arthur until arthur forgot he was just a lump of rock. he wouldn’t rest until arthur loved himself, until arthur took all the credit for merlin’s own accomplishments again.

no, he would keep this to himself. he would give merlin the attention and love he deserves. this story isn’t actually about arthur pendragon. it never was.

[scionshtola]

i’m still thinking about this sorry but the idea that the wol’s actions are the same as the garlean army’s actions just really rubs me the wrong way. like i dont think its actually a nuanced position to suggest that theres no difference between resisting imperial violence and committing it. the reason the garlemald section stands out to me is not because well it’s okay, the garleans thought what they were doing was right and we committed violence against them too so who’s to say who is right or wrong. it’s that they are demonstrably in the wrong and we help them anyway. because we can, because they need it.

[angelpuns]

Sometimes when I reread Kid Leo - like EARLY Kid Leo it's so bad and I have the very far away feeling that it was written by someone else, cause in my head I'm like ' I can write way better than that!' but I'm sure I will also feel this way when I reread the current Kid Leo pages :/

[meatgrinder-0]

been thinking alot about how drastically ive changed over such a short amount of time recently but a form of that in a less depressing light i find i used to be more focused on consuming art (really any form whether it be writing or playing games or rare instances of me actually Watching A TV Show) and prioritize that but nowadays i focus very heavily on creating things and focus 10x better on that then consumption. strange how that happens but i think its perhaps a good thing

[unvow]

what do we think sam would act like while stoned...

[heartbeetz]

I don't use the phrase "in love" enough. Not genuinely. I'll say it when I'm talking about my s/is and f/os being in love but I don't usually describe Myself as in love. It's almost intimidating, y'know? Bc of how much it feels like you're baring your stomach like a dog to other people by admitting it aloud. It's very earnest in a way I'm not really used to. "You can't say that about a fictional character, especially not one like that." But it's really the most apt term for it sometimes, huh? I am very very deeply and truly in love with him....

[capricioussun]

I was really thinking about if I would ever be comfortable merging my art accounts and I don't think I will. At least not unless I did a full rebrand which I'd really rather not since I'm very happy with how things are situated now.

But I think it boils down to acceptance seeking. I've been socially isolated for a very long time and it's difficult. Even back when I first started drawing au stuff years ago, I contemplated making a separate blog for it because I knew how many ut fans didn't really like the aus. I didn't want to alienate any of the "audience" I'd already built but I also knew there would be a turning point I would just wind up barely posting on one account or the other and it would feel like trying to limp half the time on one leg and then limp the rest on the other, which would be pointless.

But with mirrorshipping (selfcest) being a much more universally contentious topic, I got worried it would only deter people even more. I certainly didn't want to lie about it, especially bc I don't associate it with prshipping the way some others do, so it's not really that im "ashamed" of it, or want to hide it, just that I know it's the kind of thing that's very likely to make some who just walked in turn right back around.

To some degree, as someone who hopes to one day make a career out of being an independent artist, it makes sense to prioritize "growth" over personal satisfaction, but on the other, I've always struggled to care about that sort of thing. Any time I've cared about "alienating" a potential "audience", it's always been more about personal acceptance. I don't want people to see one little aspect of myself or interests and judge me entirely based off of that, even though that's all anyone really can do on the internet. I don't take blocking personally, despite how the prior sentiment seems to contradict that, I get it, I block all the time too, for a variety of reasons. But if there's a chance there're others who don't really mind that I mirrorship, they just don't want to see it or have to block the tag, I don't want them to feel turned away or annoyed, and so I kept it all to a separate account.

There are a few other reasons I won't really get into, too, like how people often do associate it with prship, and how I don't really want to draw that type of a crowd to my main blog, either, but I know in my heart it's the acceptance/approval seeking that was the biggest motivator.

I really honestly wish I knew how to connect with others beyond just trying to "do things right" and hoping that earns me positive attention. I really wish I didn't always feel like my only chance at affection is to improve what I can offer in return.

[localfanbaselurker]

Yall know the drill!! Let’s get it baby!!

Watching Voltron: LD for the First Time and Saying What I Think

S1-2 | S3 | S4 | S5 | S6 | you are here! | S8

upon formatting this debrief/review, I realized quite quickly that I was gonna run out of the image limit too soon, no matter how many collages I made, so some ideas are better if you specifically remember scenes. Click on images for better quality! I apologize, I only have tumblr on mobile. please enjoy this edition anyway!

Pre-Season 7 Thoughts

-> I said in my S6 post that I thought it could be a decent ending if some strings were finally tied, so hopefully this season clears those up

-> S6 was pretty intense at the end, hopefully they tone it down a notch as they go on their little earth roadtrip

-> the aftermath of Lotor dying is definitely something that will weigh on Allura. Hopefully she doesn’t get too torn up about it

-> I’m really curious as to how the new team dynamics will play out now that Kieth is back as black paladin. Will they go back to s1? s3? Will they just act like nothing??

-> really wanna scene where keith calls krolia mom for the first time

-> what is with this “game show” episode??

-> I’m curious as to how ships will play out now.. Lance seems to be okay with Allura not liking him back after s6, their talk was really nice. As much as I think they look cute together, Allura needs time to get over Lotor first, and Lance seems to be already moving on.

-> now that Kieth is back, I wonder if there was more “klance moments” for people to go crazy over

->also where has Matt been this whole time??

-> them going to earth will probably explore their families, and i really wanna see more of their lore. (Especially keith)

->Hopefully shiro finally gets a break after everything. I’m excited to see who this love interest of his is!!

Post-Season 7

-> holy fuck. yall did not lie. that was…intense.

->ultimately I did not get my pre-s7 wish then.

-> I really liked all the keith/shiro lore about their relationship. It was really sweet. Shiro was the first person (besides his dad I guess) to show him patience and kindness. That’s so heartwarming.

->added to all the motifs and references to them saving each other,,very sweet. I love found family stuff like that. so i very much liked that episode (besides the “tiny” subplot lolz)

-> Romelle (as opposed to the name I gave her: “sailor moon altean girl”) is actually so real. She and hunk have the same “only normal one” vibe and i respect that.

-> literally where was haggar/honerva this whole time. Did she take a sabbatical or something??

->this image is so chaotic…literally what are yall doing 😭

->cosmic wolf (Kosmo, apparently) dgaf I love him

-> Allura is such a cutie.. “but I’m terrible at drawing! 😔” I love her so much

->^hunk upgraded his bayard!! Yayyyyy! More character development!!!

->Axca is back! (I have since long stopped calling her “space asami girl”)

-> i think she’s a really interesting character. While the other of Lotor’s generals go for whatever seems right for them, (as you should in war) she seems to calculate things on a matter of both that and morality, while also looking at the big picture. “Well, this would save my ass, save the universe from chaos, and be morally intact…sounds good”

->^is this the klance moment? seems a little sad tbh. why Lance is like that “wait where are you going?” relax bro he’s not gonna disappear

-> they’ve been gone FOR THREE YEARS????

-> what the FREAK.

-> imagine now how their families have missed them 🙁 I’m actually so sad abt that ☹️

->the game show ep…was really funny. Idk where yall got all this angst from. New mission: write a fluff one shot post-game show.

->^i literally cannot get over this??? Like.. they could’ve really made him say anything else. “because mullet here would punch you to the end of eternity if he didn’t get out *smirk*” or something like that but no it /had/ to be that. And the others thought it was odd too, I mean look at their expressions.

->And same goes for Keith??? If you don’t wanna spend an eternity with Lance just pick yourself?? There had to be another reason. If they made all the other characters say insightful and heartfelt things about one another, why can’t Keith say anything?

-> I think because keith and Lance chose each other, making both of them say nice things would drive you guys a little crazy, so I think they tried to just “klance-proof” (like baby-proof) this season by making them barely interact unless it’s a battle or doing so in a s1/2 way

->Because otherwise keith acted…really out of character..? I think it might be to his growth on the quantum abyss trip, but it just felt so odd to watch him this season

->the “floating in space” episode was actually super interesting to watch. Going space crazy caused for their truest thoughts and desires to come out from the dark. (going to earth, what they think about each others’ actions) I thought that was really cool.

->KEITH CALLED KROLIA MOM!!! IT HAPPENED!! OMG. SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP FALLING TO MY KNEES AT WALMART!!!!!!!!🫡💪🔥🔊🗣️

->Krolia and kolivan definitely explored each other’s bodies idgaf. Kolivan is the dad that stepped up fr.

->Colleen Holt is an icon. She’s a girlboss. She’s a legend. I love her so much. Sam better watch out 🤛👊🤜

->^from “who is this divaaaa 😍😍” to “OMG GIRL LANCE??? 😮😁” to “OMG LANCE’S SISTERRRRR😆🤩”

->^is this not the “the pilot crashed!” girl from 1x01??

->tbh i literally could give less of a fuck about these people. The girls seem cool I guess. But I don’t really care about any of them.

->also no way they deadass named a dude kinkade. That was wild even for them (I’m so sorry if it’s a cultural thing)

->^I love it when they do little homage bits like referencing back s1 or 2 like this

->^screaming crying throwing up.

->^^that hug between pidge and her mom..i felt that. that shit was personal. Ya’ll see the way she held on to her? Diabolical work. (I’m tearing up as I type this)((that’s exactly how I’ve held my mom b4))

->^^^“uncle lance!” STOP. DON’T DO THIS TO ME. I CAN’T DO THISSSSSS *screams*

->HUUUNNNKKKK. MY BOYYYYY. UGHHHHHH. I’m gonna die

-> I will say this tho, I’m glad he’s getting a lot of focus and attention his way these last few seasons (6&7). Like yes!! Give the realest mf in the whole show the attention and appreciation he deserves!!!

->I was so happy when he got his parents back like I genuinely did a little celebratory dance (jumping up and down and going “yes!yes!yesyesyesyes! yeeeessssssss!” while doing exaggerated hand gestures)

->Adam fucking died.

->not even one scene showing his and shiro’s positive interactions. or them being romantic. one and a half scenes. And then he’s gone.

-> while, for the most part, I try to understand the writers faults further than just face level, (ie netflix or dreamworks just didn’t let them explicitly put anything there) idk I just. I feel like they could’ve at least played it off as them being “good friends” or something. But to kill him off is just…it feels wrong.

->and it feels like a wrong for shiro too. He finally gets to be on earth after everything that’s happened to him, and the one thing he’d been hoping to finally see,,is gone.

->I just feel like they did shiro dirty. they can never give that poor man a break.

->^I was right! Keith is definitely acting different because of his growth on the quantum abyss (or “space whale” as people seem to call it). It’s nice to know he’s matured and stuff, and can actually say what he feels and such, be a good team member/leader. I just wish it wasn’t all off-screen. (and while I’m happy for him..I do miss his more broody early-season self a bit)

->as much as I think allurance is cute, I feel like they’re kinda rushing it. Like. by the time they got to Earth it had barely been a month of being stuck in space post-s6. Maximum it’s been 3 months by the time of the final battle. she would not be blushing. She would be mourning Lotor. They could’ve had a little subplot about that,,the crushing weight of knowing she could’ve both stopped his death and the guilty feeling of “why am i mourning him..? He was a bad person” because she still loved him!! She still loved him when they were about to leave him in the quintessence field and she felt conflicted!!

->she would’ve also not caught feelings that fast. Let’s say she somehow miraculously got over Lotor in 2 months. (minimum!) she still wouldn’t have caught feelings! Maybe she would start like. the budding processes to begin to fall for lance…but she wouldn’t be blushing and being all bashful like that.

-> basically all I’m saying is I really hope they don’t rush this. It would feel unfair to both her and Lance. Allura literally was like “oh..😕 he said that..☹️?” In s6 when the mice told her about Lance’s feelings because she felt bad about breaking his heart.

->and Lance has literally been after her for a really long time,, so it’d be unfair to pair him with someone who only started liking him like a week ago.

->I also hate the “guy pines after girl, girl doesn’t reciprocate and turns him down a lot, guy almost gives up, girl starts falling for him just as the show ends after not showing any interest previously” trope. (I am aware Allura and Lance do share some more sweet and romantic scenes/moments in s4-6, but you catch my drift, right?)

-> I really hope they put it well in s8.

->^I got to that Lance scene I’ve seen everywhere and just. Wow. it was so intense. I actually got chills. Amazing work from the animation crew yet again.

-> the final battle was sooo amazing and so beautiful.

->the atlas stuff kinda threw me off tho.

->that admiral sanda girl was a bitch (i do not use that term lightly, especially for female characters) and not to sound like a maniac im glad she died ngl. She was stupid as hell if she thought her plan would work.

->also if the galra can invent something that can easily overpower Voltron, then why don’t they just take over the universe themselves?? They clearly have the resources to.

->seriously the atlas’s stuff was insane. Fym it’s a ship that makes a bigger, cooler, grizzled Voltron??(yes I will forever use that joke)

->^because like. Then what do you need Voltron for??

->like the pacing and plot twists and shit felt so off and out of nowhere this season.

->and the real kicker was the altean chick controlling that giant monster thang. literally what the freak. where the cameras at I know I’m getting pranked right now. they were just pulling shit out of their asses by then.

->again, need to say, if it weren’t for that altean chick, this could’ve also been a good ending?? like after reading the Wikipedia page I found out they had a 72 episode contract, so they need to get those last episodes out, (76 total, I did the math) but if anything I think it would be best if it was just a little anthology sort of thing. Like them defeating the rest of the galra left out, freeing planets, and focusing on their own lives and relationships (during and after). That would be probably the best course of action for s8.

->but apparently it has a “bad ending” (which I’m pretty sure is just ship stuff and people exaggerating)

->erm yeah that’s pretty much it. I think. Yay!

These are thoughts I compile over time. I finished Season 7 on 10/12/24. I apologize for my delay on posting this, I was meant to post it last week. I will now finally start what you have probably all been waiting for: Season 8.

Remember, my ask box is always open!! Feel free to ask anything on my opinions and such!!

[nullfier]

   ▍ CASE FILE . . . NAKAHARA, CHUUYA ⤻ @ahrabaki . ❪ . . . ❫ “ i don't pry into your stupid personal life. ”

throwing his head back with a roll of his eyes, and scoff sounding from deep in his lungs, dazai fixed him with a stare. “ so boring, chuuya. what am i allowed to ask, what's your favourite comic? i already know the answer. it's twenty - questions, i want the good stuff. ” blood still lingered underneath his fingernails, but another job tied up neatly with a glittering bow only meant that their downtime increased. double black and their winning scorecard, wandering the darkened streets back to chuuya's apartment, dazai all but glued to his side in the absence of nothing else calling his name, having nowhere else he would rather be. “ pry. ” the word tacked with a hum. “ you don't need to. i'm an open book. ” an obvious lie, if the wideness of his grin was anything to go by. if you looked past his outward presentations, there was no hint to a history, and dazai made sure to implicate at any available opportunity that he intended to have a very short - lived future.

“ okay, new game. surprise. ” spinning on his heel to walk backwards, steps careful and light he made the gesture for chuuya to hold out his hand. when he hesitated, bored and irritated, dazai scrunched his brows as though to say, really? and urged him with a wave of his own hand. in the compliance, he fished something out of his pocket and dropped into chuuya's palm - a pair of keys, attached to a plush keychain in the shape of a dog, dazai having been unable to help himself. for him to open his eyes was a wordless command followed and they stopped in their tracks as the confusion settled over chuuya's features, the resounding the fuck's this? echoing in the empty street. a delicate shrug to lift dazai's shoulder, the next confession idly held on his tongue. “ that ... pool house. it was port mafia affiliated. ” unimportant details that he inwardly cursed himself for, as chuuya already knew it. “ its lodger died. ” and it sat there, untouched for an entire year, maybe two. “ i had it fixed up. ” the stench of blood and death removed, remnants of horror hidden in the walls and floorboards, but to the naked eye it looked exactly as it had done - as an executive with every right to do so, dazai had made sure the plans were followed to every intimate detail.

the click of his tongue, throat cleared in the quiet that hung between them. “ it's yours. i pried, sue me. ” this offering a sheep's carcass in the mouth of a fox, laid tenderly at his feet. a flicker of his gaze to the keys in his palm, then back to his face. even if chuuya never intended to step foot back in it again, it would always be there, just as it was and not the coffin it had been fashioned into. dazai could recognise the unfairness of the deaths handed out, and at such a time paul verlaine may have been set in his reasonings he was wasteful, careless, overly emotional to something he had forced a connection to pursuing. catastrophe only followed the altercation, and in the wake of the loss the port mafia had suffered, things such as the repair of the old pool house had gone ignored. “ do what you want with it. own it, burn it, give it back to the city. ” tone even, watching him stare at the keys and not knowing what to expect. he figured he should brace himself for the inevitable reply of violence, took a moment to swing himself around the telephone pole at his right and put some distance between them. “ i don't care, but it's yours. forged your signature, didn't want you to say no before i could get it off my plate, so now it's your problem. ”

[djsangos]

one day your respawner might malfunction

or your hearts will stop beating on a random thursday afternoon

or youll grow old and dry up

theres nothing we can do about it so might as well live every day to the fullest

feel the fucking rain on your skin

[inky-bun]

Sometimes confiding in those that understand your pain can be the best comfort there is.