#sorry..! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

isacksteban · 4 months ago

Text

Eventually — Lawhan Mixed Media AU

Twitch Streamer AU — 2.4k words — @ellearts — masterlist

Liam sat on the porch, gripping his phone so tightly his knuckles turned white. His mind was racing, but deep down, he already knew what he was going to do.

He couldn’t stay.

There was no way to fix this. No way to undo the damage he’d already done by being careless. The pictures were gone, but people had seen. Hannah had seen. If she was calling him like this, it meant it was bad.

And if she told his parents—

Liam exhaled sharply, pushing the thought away before it could settle.

He stood abruptly, already pulling up his flight app, fingers moving automatically as he searched for the next available flight to New Zealand. There was one in the morning. He booked it without thinking. Without hesitating.

He had to get out of here. He had to fix this.

His foot was already halfway over the threshold when a thought finally hit him—

Jack.

But he shoved it aside almost instantly.

Jack would be fine.

Jack had to be fine, because Liam couldn’t afford to think about him right now. Couldn’t afford to linger in that bedroom, in that bed where Jack had held onto him like he mattered, like Liam wasn’t just some inevitable disappointment waiting to happen.

If he thought about Jack — about his stupid soft eyes, about the way he’d whispered I don’t want you to leave like it meant something — he might break.

And Liam couldn’t afford to break.

Not now.

Not ever.

So he squared his shoulders, clenched his jaw, and stepped back inside.

He wasn’t going to say goodbye.

Liam moved through Jack’s house quickly, shoving his things into his bag with sharp, mechanical movements. His chest was tight, his breathing uneven, but he kept his hands steady. He wasn’t thinking. He couldn’t think.

He had a flight in a few hours. He just needed to be gone.

Behind him, the door creaked open.

“…Liam?” Jack’s voice was groggy, thick with sleep. Liam froze, fingers tightening around the strap of his bag. Jack took a few slow steps inside. “What… what are you doing?” His voice was quiet, uncertain. Then, after a beat, “Are you leaving?”

Liam clenched his jaw. “Yeah.”

Silence.

Then, softer, more fragile—“Why?”

Liam exhaled sharply, adjusting his bag on his shoulder like it would ground him. “It’s just— complicated. I have to go.”

Jack stared at him, his eyes searching, pleading for an answer that Liam couldn’t give him. “You’re supposed to have two more days.”

“Plans changed,” Liam muttered, forcing himself to sound unaffected.

Jack let out a breathless laugh, but there was no humor in it. “Right. ‘Plans changed.’ Not an actual explanation, just a convenient excuse.”

Liam sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Jack, please—”

“Oh, please what?” Jack snapped suddenly, stepping closer. His voice was raw, frustrated. “Please understand why you’re sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night like this wasn’t anything to you? Please just let you go without asking why the hell you’re acting like I mean nothing to you?”

Liam’s stomach twisted. “Jack—”

“No,” Jack cut him off, shaking his head. “You’re leaving because you don’t want this. Because you don’t love me. Because you don’t wanna be with me. That’s it, isn’t it?”

Liam inhaled sharply, his whole body tensing. His pulse was loud in his ears, his skin prickling hot. He felt trapped. Cornered.

Jack kept going, his voice cracking now. “Just fucking say it, Liam. Say you don’t want this. Say you don’t want me.”

Liam snapped. “I’m not queer like you, Jack!”

The words were out before he could stop them, and the second they landed, the room went silent.

Jack’s face went blank. His mouth parted slightly, like he’d just been slapped, but he didn’t say anything.

Liam felt his own breath hitch. His hands curled into fists at his sides.

The silence stretched, thick and awful.

Jack swallowed hard. When he finally spoke, his voice was eerily quiet. “Right.”

Liam’s chest was heaving. He hadn’t meant it like that. He hadn’t— Jack’s expression was unreadable. His lips pressed into a thin line. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he took a slow step back, nodding to himself. “I get it.”

Liam opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Jack’s jaw tightened, his throat bobbing. “Then go.”

Liam hesitated. Just for a second.

Then he turned, walked to the door, and left.

Jack didn’t stop him.

Liam sat stiffly in the back of the cab, his phone burning in his hands. His chest still felt tight, his breathing uneven, but he forced himself to focus on the screen. On her.

Hannah:

Flight’s booked.

You leave in five hours, i wasn't sure how far away he lives from an airport.

Check your email for the details.

Liam exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. He knew she’d do it. She always did.

Another message popped up.

Hannah:

I won’t say anything, Liam.

But you know what that means.

His stomach twisted. He didn’t respond.

Three dots appeared, and then—

Hannah:

We get married at the end of the month.

No more excuses.

No more running.

Liam clenched his jaw, staring at the words like he could will them away.

Married.

He’d always known this was coming. Always known this was the endgame, the thing his parents expected, the thing Hannah had resigned herself to just as much as he had.

He knew what would happen if he fought it. If he stayed. If he let himself want.

But now, after eight days with Jack, after last night, after what he’d said—

Liam’s hands curled into fists.

His phone buzzed again.

Hannah:

Say yes, Liam.

His throat felt tight. His body felt wrong.

But he knew what he had to do.

Liam:

Yeah.

Tell my mom to call her people.

We'll get married at the end of this month.

He locked his phone, staring blankly out the window as the city lights blurred past.

Jack’s voice still echoed in his head. “You don’t love me. You don’t wanna be with me.”

Liam had walked away. He had chosen this.

So why did it feel like he’d just lost everything?

The second Liam stepped off the plane, the weight of reality hit him like a brick wall.

The bright lights of the airport, the hum of conversation, the cold, stale air—it all felt suffocating. He adjusted the strap of his bag over his shoulder, forcing his shoulders back, slipping into the version of himself that belonged here. The one that didn’t think about Jack.

The one that didn’t want him.

Then he saw them.

Hannah stood near the arrivals gate, her parents at her side, and just a few steps away—his own family. His mother beaming, his father watching with quiet approval. Everything they had wanted. Everything they had expected.

Hannah’s eyes met his, and without missing a beat, she smiled—bright and effortless, like this wasn’t all a lie.

Liam exhaled and walked toward her.

As soon as he was close enough, Hannah reached for his hands, intertwining their fingers like it was second nature. Like she’d done this a thousand times before.

And Liam? He let her.

He squeezed her fingers just enough to make it look real.

Hannah leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, lingering just long enough for their families to see — a mark from her lipstick being left behind. “Welcome home, baby,” she murmured, her voice sweet, perfect.

Liam barely stopped himself from flinching. “Missed you,” he said instead, voice steady, smooth.

Her nails dug ever so slightly into his skin, a silent reminder. This is what you chose.

Hannah turned to his parents, her smile never faltering. “He looks exhausted, poor thing,” she said lightly, squeezing his arm. “We’ll get him home, let him rest.”

His mother beamed. “He’s lucky to have you, dear.”

Hannah laughed softly, tilting her head to rest against his shoulder for just a moment before pulling back. “I’m the lucky one.”

Liam forced himself to smile, to let the words sit even though they made his stomach twist.

They made their way through the airport together, their hands still linked, their families walking beside them. The perfect couple. The perfect lie.

Liam didn’t check his phone.

Didn’t let himself wonder if Jack had texted.

Didn’t let himself think about soft hands on his skin, whispered words in the dark, I don’t want you to leave.

He just smiled.

Pretended.

And let himself be owned.

The car ride home was quiet.

Liam sat in the backseat beside Hannah, his body heavy with exhaustion—not just from the flight, but from everything. The moment they were settled, Hannah tugged gently at his arm, guiding him down until his head rested in her lap. He let her.

She didn’t say anything at first, just started threading her fingers through his hair, slow and gentle. The way she always had, ever since they were kids.

It wasn’t fake. Not entirely.

Because Hannah did care about him. Maybe not in the way their parents wanted, maybe not in the way he wished he could return, but she did.

Liam exhaled, staring up at the ceiling of the car. The soft hum of conversation drifted from the front—his mother and Hannah’s parents talking about wedding plans, about venues, about dates. It was set. The end of the month.

Liam didn’t react.

Didn’t argue.

Didn’t fight it.

Hannah’s fingers trailed lightly across his scalp. “You okay?” she murmured, so quiet that no one else could hear.

Liam swallowed, his throat tight. He didn’t answer.

She sighed softly, her nails scratching lightly against his hairline. “I know,” she whispered. “I know, Liam.”

And somehow, that was worse than if she’d been angry.

Liam closed his eyes.

He let her play with his hair, let her soothe him like she always had. And for now, he pretended it was enough.

hannahstjohn

liked by kkofficial, twitch, and 8,116 others

hannahstjohn missed this xx

view all 96 comments

kkofficial 💛💙 liked by hannahstjohn

user is this insane to anyone else??

user yeah is fucking crazy

user liam leaves australia 2 days early and is posted up with some CHICK?? HELLO??

user girl do u not know what he posted..?

comments on this post are now limited

The moment they got to Hannah’s house, Liam went straight to their bedroom, shutting the door behind him like it would somehow keep the outside world out — Hannah followed close behind. He collapsed onto the bed, face buried in his hands, his chest tight with something he didn’t want to name.

He still hadn’t turned on his phone.

He knew what would be waiting for him and he wasn’t ready.

Instead, he lay there, staring at the ceiling, willing himself to shut it all out.

Then, a soft chime.

Liam frowned, slowly sitting up. The sound hadn’t come from his phone — it was still powered off on the nightstand.

It had come from Hannah’s.

He looked over to see her sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling, her expression unreadable.

Liam exhaled sharply. “What did you do?”

Hannah didn’t look up as she tapped at her screen one last time. Then she turned it toward him, showing him exactly what she’d done.

An Instagram post.

A picture of Liam’s head resting in her lap from the car ride home, his face turned away but still unmistakably him.

Liam’s stomach twisted.

Before he could even process it, Hannah nudged his arm. “Comment something.”

Liam blinked at her. “What?”

She raised an eyebrow. “People are already going crazy. Just comment something simple. Keep things normal.”

Liam clenched his jaw. He knew what she was asking.

He turned his phone back on, watched as the screen flooded with notifications. Some of them were hers — people liking and commenting on her post. Some of them were from Jack.

He ignored Jack’s.

Instead, he scrolled to Hannah’s post, forced his fingers to move, and typed:

💛💙

Yellow for her. Blue for him.

A stupid, meaningless thing they had done since they were kids. Something their families loved. Something that made it look like everything was fine.

Hannah’s phone buzzed. She looked down, saw his comment, and nodded approvingly. “Good.”

Liam set his phone down, ignoring the ache curling in his chest.

Then it buzzed again.

Not from Instagram.

From Jack.

Jack:

Liam what the fuck was that

Are you seriously just leaving without saying anything?

Answer me.

Liam.

You really fucking left??

Wow.

You’re a fucking coward.

Why did I even think you felt the same.

Hope she was worth it.

Liam inhaled sharply, his stomach twisting painfully.

He clenched his jaw, forcing his breathing to stay even.

Then, without reading them again, he turned off his phone.

Liam let it fall onto the nightstand, his hands still curled into fists. His chest felt tight, like something was pressing down on him, something too heavy to hold, something clawing at his ribs from the inside.

He had done the right thing. He had fixed it.

So why did it feel like he was breaking?

His shoulders started to shake before he could stop them. He gritted his teeth, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, forcing himself to keep it together.

But then Hannah shifted beside him, pulling him gently toward her, wrapping her arms around him like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was the most natural thing in the world.

That was all it took.

Liam broke.

A shaky breath, then another. His chest hitched, his body caving in on itself as he buried his face in Hannah’s shoulder. She didn’t say anything. Didn’t ask. Didn’t press for words he didn’t have.

She just held him.

Her fingers stroked through his hair, slow and steady. “It’s okay,” she murmured, soft and real. “I’ve got you.”

Liam clenched his jaw, his breathing uneven. He didn’t let people see him like this. He wasn’t allowed to be like this.

But Hannah had always been the exception.

She didn’t try to fix it. Didn’t tell him it would be okay, didn’t lie to him. She just let him exist.

Eventually, the exhaustion pulled at him, his body sinking heavier against hers. He let his eyes slip shut, his breathing finally evening out, his grip on her hoodie loosening.

Hannah shifted slightly, adjusting so they were both more comfortable, still curled together on top of the blankets.

“Get some sleep,” she whispered.

Liam barely registered it before everything faded to black.

For the first time in hours, his mind quieted.

And in the silence, he let himself forget — just for a little while — what he had left behind.