#sourcemate yearning

[the-loveheart-galaxy]

Me: *yearning for Gerri, a lady who i’m close with in source*

I wish Gerri was here. Can we print Gerri please

Our brain: *splits two additional copies of me*

I SAID PRINT GERRI

[ace-does-stuff]

my obsession with adventure time and naruto alike is about to pay the fuck off with these taom fics

[lemonynuggets]

I hate that being fictionkin comes with missing people from source

[carnation-bouquet]

" Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. "

Westley fictive, or The Dread Pirate Roberts if you're feeling formal. I have one other source, you'll probably catch onto it if you observe my blog for a few seconds. This is a sideblog where I can post without the chaos of my headmates. I'm bisexual, biromantic, and don't care about my own gender all that much. He/Him are my preferred pronouns (my pronouns do not need to be captilalized). I don't care for any kind of discourse so I ask you don't bring any here. Sourcemates are more than welcome to interact, I miss you all terribly. My tagging system is down below. Blinkies are below the 'read more.' Also, a little note: well I do love Buttercup as a concept- I don't have the best associations with fictives of her. I apologize if I come off as standoffish or end up not reaching out at all to you.

You can ask for my main blog if you wish.

All credit for these goes to @/outntherain

[fictionkinfessions]

its so stupid but seeing rp blogs of myself and my sourcemates interacting fills my soul with a yearning i cant put into words i know its not real ik theyre just pretending ik theyre not really my sourcemates but fuck i want that so bad

placeholder text because tumblr wont let me post ask messages without something in the reply box

[maskedseaweed]

Thoughts on seeking sourcemates

I consider reaching out to people of my source again, but really when I look at its kin tag here on Tumblr, do I want to? The atmosphere does not inspire my positivity, and that sort of issue is one I run into often in alterhuman circles. It's just not the atmosphere for me. It's a very distinct case away from "the atmosphere here is bad". No, no, it is not bad objectively. It is bad subjectively. I personally do not feel as if I would get meaningful connection out of it. And I may be wrong about that, and by staying away taking the chance of finding something good from me, but at this point I've experienced discomfort in alterhuman spaces that I don't fit into too often.

It all makes me ask myself why I even want to reach out. Why is it I want to talk to sourcemates, really? I am not particularly yearning to talk to someone who's a double of who I remember (I am not open to finding canonmates). I don't really care. That is a focal point to my situation. If I felt differently, it would make sense for me to reach out, but I don't. So why is it not enough for me to have bonds with people who don't share my source? What do I want out of talking to sourcemates?

As far as I can tell, the answer to my questions boils down to how I want to be seen as me. Sourcemates know me. They know what I am about, and really, that is a stupid shortcut. Why don't I just show people who I am? Why would I want that ridiculous shortcut of people already knowing me through knowing my official canon version, which is an utterly risky situation due to it making people prone to see me as that version instead of seeing me for me? Parasociality is not typically spoken of in this context, but I believe it applies, and there is large risk of it and alterhuman areas in general, which I don't like.

Conclusion of the story is that I snip at my forehead and stick to the great alterhuman friends I already have, who aren't sourcemates but who've shown that they see me for me without preconceptions based on my identities.

[headmate-gambling]

（⭒ ˘ ˘） the crimson dealer has dealt your hand. Let's see..

🩸 ᛝ Names ┈ Maskesse , Damien , Dorian , Oddity , Evangel , Virtue , Carcass , Mourette , Morgue , Heretic , Slashire , Wylie , Mori ,

♠️ ᛝ Pronouns ┈ Asce / Ascend , bri/brights , dae/daems , di/deitys , disc/cords , do/dolls , dre/dreams , doe/does , du/dusks , elk/elks , end/endings ,

🩸 ᛝ Genders ┈ Maskaesic , Deityhunter , Mythicandrogyne , Creatureshattered , eerieauranic , omnisdoth , th?ng

♣️ ᛝ Source ┈ Dream (Dşmp)

🩸 ᛝ Age ┈ NullAge , Age Apathetic , AgeRot , Inapplicage ,

♦️ ᛝ Cis IDs ┈ Harmful , Abųser , Plural , Npd , Mastermind , Puppetmaster ,

🩸 ᛝ Trans IDs ┈ PermaMask , TransNemisis , TransPhantom , TransProgrammer , PermaManipulative , TransSinglet , PermaSadist , TransTorturer , PermaObsessive , PermaControlling , PermaFacade , TransBigBrother , PermaHypnotist , TransSpecies (Sheep -> Demon)

♥️ ᛝ Para(s) ┈ 🍸 , ξ , ⚰️ , 👊 , 🍬 , 🩸 , 🩹 , 💧

🩸 ᛝ Roles ┈ Impersonator , Informant , Instigator , Internal Handler , Limited Caller , Maincenter , Accuser

♠️ ᛝ Likes ┈ Masks, Doll & Puppet related imagery ,

🩸 ᛝ Dislikes ┈ Resistance , Being reminded that dae was once a prey animal.

♣️ ᛝ Personality ┈ Asce thrives on chaos and conflict, taking on the role of a instigator to disrupt the lives of dusks peers. The facade that dae puts up to mask dolls true motives hides ascends more vulnerable side, where elk can care for very few people in endings life deeply. Dae's obsession with control and manipulation often leads to emotional and physical pain for others, as dae uses their vulnerabilities against them. Endings connection to concepts of existence and identity war within doe along with a constant yearning for understanding and connection towards brightself, which elk masks with a desire for power and control.

🩸 ᛝ Possible Triggers ┈ Weaponry (Specifically Axes) , Being referred to as a Big Brother , Being looked up to , Worship ,

♦️ ᛝ Interaction ┈ Interact with Caution for Sourcemates ,

🩸 ᛝ Description ┈ Elk is a complex person, driven by an outward need for power, but a secret desire to keep someone by dolls side by any means necessary. End finds control to be an easier way to attempt to force the connections with people that dae so desires. If asce needs to trick people, so be it. Those worth cords time will stay, in deitys mind. Regardless of the poor treatment they receive due to elks low empathy and horrid sense of compassion. Doe desires a puppet, so bright will get one.

[syscultureis]

fictive culture is having a somewhat obscure source and having no sourcemates in-system and only knowing one other system who even knows what your source is and interacts with it

i feel bad for yearning for people that don't exist but fuck do i miss them

.

[sysboxes]

Not a request! Do you have any user boxes with anything similar to "this alter/this system is very connected to their source(s) and often can't/refuses to separate themselves from it"?

We do not! But feel free to request when requests are open!

The closest we have is:

This user still thinks of their source as their home.

This fictive’s source feels more like their past life.

This introject wants to meet others from source, but worries they'd get too quickly attached/have trouble mentally separating from source.

this user is an introject yearning for their source

This alter wants to have more conversations about their source.

This introject feels like searching for their sourcemates would be useless despite how much they miss their source

This fictive misses their friends from source

This user views their source media as an adaptation of what it feels like happened to them.

This System has fictives that closely relate to their source

[king-odysseus-of-ithaca]

(obligatory "keep reading" section because this accidentally turned into a long post whoops)

I'm always so anxious about interacting with other EPIC/EPIC-adjacent kins, because I feel like I might end up overstepping and making things awkward. Especially with a Penelope or Telemachus. There’s always that fear of rejection, even when every part of me wants to reach out and talk to them, even when I miss them like nothing else.

It’s kind of funny—or, well, not really—but I felt a similar way those first few months (first year? More than that? Less? I don’t know, time is strange) back home after 20 years apart. Many people like to think that everything mostly went back to normal, or if not normal then calm and warm and soft and peaceful. And, well, it was, in a way. There were times when it was.

But it also wasn’t that simple. I was gone for 20 years. Penelope and I had been apart for 20 years, and Telemachus and I had never gotten the chance to know each other during those 20 years. I had to relearn everything—we all did, since a lot of things changed since I was gone and a lot more changed when I came back. I had to relearn who Penelope was, because she had changed too, and I had to learn who my son was, which—while awkward and tense at times—was the greatest joy I had ever experienced. It was a good thing, learning and relearning about the people I love most, but it was also difficult because, well, 20 years. 20 years of being apart and going through our own traumas. 20 years, and now suddenly reunited and whole, except the pieces didn't quite fit together neatly just yet, because healing is a difficult thing.

I remember that interactions with my son were often strained, because I was essentially a stranger to him. A dangerous stranger, with too much blood on his hands and too many sharp edges, angry and unstable and tired of being so. Meanwhile, Telemachus had just been freed from a bunch of vile men taking over his home and plotting harm against both him and his mother, after which I was suddenly in the picture again. So I do not blame him for being wary, even if it hurt and I felt terrible about it. Even I was wary of myself, even after Telemachus warmed up to me, even after he eventually told me he trusted me (which I then cried about).

It was a slow and bumpy process, coming back together and loving each other and being with each other, all three of us, but it was worth it. Everything would always be worth it, if it meant getting to be with my family and being whole again.

Those first few months(?) after I came back home were similar to what I feel now. Not quite the same, but similar enough. Because... that life? That life was forcefully pushed to the past and I am separated from my family once more, and again it has been so long. With all those years apart again plus an entire lifetime this time, not to mention I don't even know if they're my canonmates, trying to interact with these Penelope and Telemachus kins has me flailing on what to say and how to act. And gods, every time I do interact with them—canonmate or not, because they're still my sourcemates and my family, even if they might not be my version of them—it leaves me feeling both giddy and yearning. I miss them. I want to talk to them. But I don't know how, and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I end up lurking most of the time and staring longingly from afar.

(...This was not meant to be a vent. And it was supposed to be short. What the fuck even happened here.)

[allth1ngsconsidered]

sourcemate yearning is going to be the death of me

[jasonmp3]

★⠀⁺⠀about me⠀⸝⠀🩸

﹟⠀names; jason todd. cerberus & judas are also acceptable alternatives.

⸝⠀pronouns; he/it. maybe xe/xem. I'm not all that picky.

﹟⠀terms; masculine terms preferred, but once again, I'm not all that picky.

⸝⠀extra; fictive. ambiamorous & aplatonicflux. wolf therian. pet & age regressor though the latter one won't be brought up much at all. I associate myself with the concepts of canines, knights, pirates, & fallen angels.

★⠀⁺⠀byi & dni⠀⸝⠀🦇

﹟⠀DNI ; if you plan on bringing discourse here just leave now. I don't care about any of it.

﹟⠀BYI ; by many standards I'm not considered "nice" but if you're coming from my system's main blog I'm sure we'll get along fine. bpd, dpd, & depression symptom holder for my system, you will see me crash out on here eventually.

★⠀⁺⠀interests⠀⸝⠀❤️

﹟⠀my fandoms ; DC... though is that even surprising? I also enjoy Marvel, Silent Hill, Berserk, Postal, so many crime shows, & so many horror movie fandoms.

⸝⠀my likes ; post-grunge music, rock, metal, honestly any depressing love song I'll enjoy or any songs about being a petty bitch after a breakup.

﹟⠀my dislikes ; I don't know? the basic shit everyone hates I guess. let's kill bigots together.

★⠀⁺⠀misc⠀⸝⠀🪦

﹟⠀tag list ;

# — jason posting ☆

# — music box ☆

# — aesthetic ☆

# — mutual tag ☆

# — ( sourcemate name ) ☆

# — mirror ☆

# — funnies ☆

# — reblog ☆

# — yearning ☆

# — asks ☆

# — (association) posting ☆

I'm sure I'll add more as time goes on.

[trapezia-pearl-system]

☆ Hello Tumblr!! ☆

(Divider)

We are the Trapezia Pearl System, an endogenic system that is a very recent discovery. We are bodily 21, and consisting of 13 discovered members right now. Somewhat median?

Host’s blog/main is @authoritypearl

We are pro-: ship/fiction, endo (obviously), contradictory queer labels, Tulpamancy & created systems.

We are anti-: radqueer, transID, bigotry of any kind.

SimplyPlural is TheTrapeziaPearlSys!! Include your username if you want to add us please!

Our collective pronouns are they/them! We use the terms headmate or member over alternatives. Our collective name is “[The] Pearls”. Further intros and userboxes under the cut!! As long as we remember, our posts will be tagged with the emojis listed.

🕷️: Ay, the host. Genderfluid, bisexual, using XE/XEM or IT/ITS pronouns. Probably the main user ngl. Also aro-spec, which Connor helped xem to realize!

(Credit: 1 | 2)

📱: Connor, the emotional regulator. Second most frequent. Cisgender man, bisexual & possibly acespec, using he/him pronouns. Not particularly friendly, not particularly aggressive. (He sometimes refers to himself as an alter, note)

🌸: Aliya, the motivator! Cisgender woman, lesbian, using she/her pronouns. First discovered headmate!!

🎨: Daisy. Cisgender woman, unknown sexuality, using she/they/it pronouns. Fronts extremely rarely.

💎: Sasha. Cisgender woman, unknown sexuality, using she/her pronouns. She is, quite frankly, an asshole. But she is good at handling pain!

🪓: Sevika, a fictive. Late 30s, butch cis lesbian, using any pronouns with a preference for she. Only uses left arm.

🐸: Lentil/Zero, a syskid & age regressor. Around 8-10, non-binary xenogender, ze/cake/star/bat pronouns. We trust cake with this account. Cake is not 100% mentally 8-10.

N/A: Jonas. He/him, a recently unearthed member who seemingly DOES NOT want to be here. Levi (AoT) fictionkin (NOT fictive).

🚬: Angel [Dust], an AU Angel Dust dreamtive/fictive. Cisgender man, gay as shit, using he/him pronouns. Snarky and wants to be famous.

🐞: Emmett, a BAH-made syskid boy!! Boy and non-gendered. Nine. He/they/ne/em pronouns!!

🔶: Catra, a She-Ra and the Princesses of Power fictive. Kinda sorta cis woman, lesbian, she/cat pronouns. YEARNING for sourcemates, please interact if you’re from She-Ra (especially former Horde folks; Entrapta Scorpia Adora that kinda thing).

❔: Blurry, a headmate without a solid identity yet, or a headmate who doesn’t want to make their identity public.

Userboxes!!

(Credits: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8)

If you’ve gotten down here, fun fact: In our name, “Trapezia” comes from the word for a star system that is young and unstable. “Pearl” comes from a character Ay sees as plural, Pearl from Steven Universe.

[fictionkinfessions]

Friends who are sourcemates who used to be lovers.. oughghgh..... We should, like, kiss and cuddle and stuff. In a queer platonic way, probably. Unless maybe we decide not in a queer platonic way.. but with queer platonic intent y'know. I don't know what I'm fucking saying rn lmfao- it's very late, I am *very* tired, and I unfortunately read fanfic so. In my feels a little bit. Idk. I just miss kissing him sometimes, y'know? Don't read into that tho.

But now he's back in my life, and I honestly think it'd be easier if he was just an asshole. As a person he's so great and we get along great and have extremely similar interests just coincidentally... Even without the kin stuff I'd probably want kisses and cuddles. Queer platonically. But then add sourcemate stuff on top of everything else and it's just.... Oughghgh... Save me. I hate him with every fiber of my being but I also want to hear him laugh and see him smile and those small little looks he gets when he Knows I'm just saying shit to not seem super interested in him...

Also, same goes for her too actually. I was Not expecting to hear from her but man... The way I instantly felt myself get soft around her just like I used to... I miss saying her name, I miss hearing her voice and being in the kitchen together, me and her: the cook and the baker.

Neither of them feel that way about me, I'm sure I can garuntee it. Honestly it's much better if they never feel that way about me, because I don't know if I'd ever be able to handle it.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Uh. I am absofuckinglutely NOT signing off on this -they WILL find me- and I should maybe ban myself from reading any more fanfiction about source at all. Forever and ever. It makes me yearn. for kisses and cuddles...

✉

[stargazing-date]

this is where we'd lovemail our partner system... IF WE HAD ONE /ref

currently this blog will be used for insys relationships and yearning for sourcemates we miss. 🩵

generally, if someone is tagged "partner" as opposed to "headmate" that means it's a sourcemate we don't know and would love to talk to!

Follows from @mind-murder-palace

[triangularteatime]

🌻~Tea Party For 30(+)~🍋

Hello! We're the alters of Idia Cipher! We've taken over this account so we can each post thoughts, opinions, yearning, shitposts, ect without making individual blogs!

Each post of ours will have a sign off in the tags with the alters name! Feel free to send in asks to ask questions about any of us and our sources, opinions on certain things, appearances, etc! We're all different but we all love talking about ourselves!

Sourcemates of alters and doubles of alters are welcome to interact! We also have no DNI directly but ask you be respectful!

Remember, we are all different people! Our independent and individual opinions don't reflect the opinions or thoughts of other alters or our host (Idia Cipher!) They vary from person to person! You may be uncomfortable with a pro-c alter but agree with the opinions of an anti-c alter (as an example)! So don't jump to conclusions about all of us based on one person!

We're also an endo-trauma system! We didn't form from trauma but we do have trauma! Just as an FYI!

Other than that, have a great day and thanks for popping in!