#still gonna update him and whatnot

[ducktollers]

QUADRUPLE IT EVEN. IM SO SERIOUS I MEAN IT

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <33

[isuggestforcefem]

What I'm about to say is going to sound absolutely fucking insane but I need someone to hear me out on this one and unfortunately you are that person. Delete this if you want but I need someone to know what was revealed to me via divine intervention. This is gonna be a long one

I, as a cis boy, think the optimal strategy is to transition into a femme-presenting trans man or a lesboy or whatever you want to call it.

Now, you may be thinking, "what the fuck????" That's fair. I'm gonna try and break it down for you anyway.

I don't see anything wrong with being a boy. I'm fine as it is. However, I think being a girl could potentially be neat. So I transition into a girl, get estrogen and bottom surgery and whatnot, and bada-bing, bada-boom.

However, I can already convincingly pass as a girl. My voice is pretty androgynous and I have what some would consider a feminine build. Narrow shoulders, long hair, the works. I could still easily go by he/him even if I took estrogen because I'm already pretty androgynous.

"Why transition in the first place?" you might be asking, and I have a very simple reason for this. I want to be a lesbian. I literally cannot picture myself to be intimate with a woman as a man, and I've learned a lot about dating women from the best: lesbians. I want to follow in their footsteps and idolize women in sapphic doodles like the many lesbians before me. I also think I'm overdue for a much-needed hardware update.

Now, why would I still want to pass as a man? Well, as much as I love boobs, I don't think they suit me. Maybe a little bit, but I don't want em too big, y'know? It would also make most social interactions unchanged. I'm still just some guy. I like that energy about me. Also I got some pretty conservative family members. As long as they aren't trying to pull down my pants, I'd still be the same person to them. I'd still be the same person to me, too. I also wouldn't have to change clothes. I already wear what some might mistake for a dysphoria hoodie because it's a pretty thick and large jacket. But I am not giving up those pockets for shit. Also I don't think my skull shape passes too well? It kinda does but in an uncanny valley kinda way. My face can pass but I'm not 100% on the skull.

And, even if I transition, I can still be forcefemmed, but now with so many different layers. I'd still have that femmable egg energy. I could make the detrans kink gender-affirming. I'm still a boymoding trans girl, which is like one of the prime targets from what I've gathered (mainly from this blog). There's so many layers to it, so many things that could be done. I'm starting to think this section is a little too horny for this blog. I can't really tell.

I have contemplated this for roughly six hours and this is what I have. This solution satisfies all the conflicting ideals I have about being trans. I don't think it'd fix transphobia or anything, but I'd probably end up meeting one bigot who thinks I'm trans anyway so I might as well, eh?

Well, I guess I do still have a few problems, such as actually having to care about my looks, the expenses, shaving, ect. But other than that I'd say it's pretty airtight. This might be the new meta

Eggs are inventing new ways to be eggs in my dms I see

[frenskcup]

you've always had a penchant for the sweet things in life. with every stressful event in your life, you never failed to make time to have a dessert or pastry nearby, hand-made or store bought. whether it was involuntary wasn't your business — you just never could leave the kitchen when you got stressed.

now add jason todd into the mix.

the ever-so observant jason, trained by the world's best detective (not his words), would take in the stack of dishes and measuring cups in your sink when you had a test the upcoming morning. when you had a zoom interview, he had to make sure to wipe the flour off your cheeks from when you were slaving over the cupcakes he was devouring. slowly, he connected the dots— you were a stress baker.

over the span of the beginning of your relationship, he carefully introduced you to the nature of his profession. well, he would have to get paid to call it a profession... whatever it can be classified as, he was not surprised to see you creating a vintage-iced cake the morning after the news. clearly you were still processing the news.

but now, every night he would leave with the vision of you in the kitchen, the apron he bought you wrapped around your pajamas. of course, you said it was cute in passing and he immediately stored that information for later. later meaning right after he dropped you off at your place. you were deliberately taking your time working through the recipe book he bought you, another gift of spontaneity.

with the knowledge that you might get an injured red hood at your door or, even worse, a call from one of his patrol partners, you had to keep your hands busy. idle hands and whatnot. but you never failed to send updates to his phone that he kept on him when he could. plenty pictures of icing being piped on and trays in the oven were what he was delighted to see after patrol was over. unfortunately, no one really knew what he was slightly smiling about on his phone, with every effort to investigate evaded by his expert sixth sense for prying eyes.

eventually, you start to bake in bigger batches, figuring out that you had to increase the serving size to not stress yourself out more by making multiple different items in one baking session. queue the incessant pushing for jason to take the leftovers to his coworkers. the puppy eyes you give him, accentuated by the white streaks of flour, have him weak— weak enough to actually go against his best judgement. for you, he'd be willing to take the intense questioning and nonstop begging to bring you around non-work related events.

it gets to the point where you're basically running a bakery in your home. despite not getting any financial support from your "customers", your jars of sugar and flour are always full. sometimes jason will come home, run ragged from patrol, and mention that your treats were devoured before he could get one. you know that's a damn lie from the way his mouth tastes when you gave him a kiss hello. but since you have a feeling he's the benefactor for your operation, you could spare the fussing and make him his own batch of whatever you just made.

at one point, jason does mention that alfred is interested in exchanging recipes. bruce really seemed to like a particular cookie you made in the past month, which was implied by the small hum of satisfaction that he made after polishing off the first of a few. alfred wanted to keep the recipe on hand for him. unfortunately, that leads to you getting increasingly upset at the fact that your search history had been completely erased since then.

"wh-what if i can never find it? i'm gonna fail batman. gotham is doomed without this recipe."

"sweetheart, i'd be honoured to break the news to b."

you do find it, discovering it in your pinterest board "trial treats" that you forget entirely about. exchanging the recipe is easy enough, which gives way to casual chatting with the butler and an invitation to the bat family's weekly dinner. jason starts to regret ever bringing that first batch to work.

if the bat family ever discovers your place, you can guarantee they will come to visit for taste tests and requests. you jokingly demand a bright neon "open" sign for your window when you have treats ready. still, they'll visit even when you're prepping and still take bites of raw dough, which you smack at their hands for. an influx of siblings at his partner's place has jason being extremely verbal about his distaste of this situation.

a/n: this came from pumpkin cinnamon rolls i made late into the night for some reason. note to self, rise twice instead of once... also, i'd love to be able to write more specifics about the bat siblings, but my characterization for them has not be "calibrated" for lack of better word. i hope you can imagine just how annoying everyone is in jason's eyes, for jason's sake.

[zluckychap]

"dunk tank" behind the scenes

part 2: the writing & art

can't start drawing the comic without thumbnails!

anyway

i started writing this thing in february at the same time as For Science Part 2. this comic was originally going to be called For Science Part 3, since it has the same 4th-wall-breaking elements as that series. but navi’s not in it, and it’s not really a continuation of 1 and 2, so i wanted to think of something else (cont)

i was gonna call it “the big update” or something based on whatever the update name turned out to be (at the time i didn’t know it was called “worth the wait”) but both of those still seemed too on-the-nose.

but then, the thoughts of the fandom being so entertained by painter’s demise got me envisioning the poor guy stuck in a carnival dunk tank, forever suffering by our hands in our unending quest for video game completion. how morbid is that

the way we so casually talk about his upcoming demise is in a way that would freak anyone out if it was about THEIR death. we talk about it so innocently and it's arguably creepier than going “MUAHAHA!! HE’S GONNA DIE SOON!!”

it's interesting that until now, painter had protection. not in the form of a sealed safe room, or any kind of shields whatsoever, but rather the mere fact that killing him wasn’t yet an option for us. now that protection’s disappearing and there’s nothing he can do about it

when the first draft of the script was done, i realized that if sebastian knew about painter’s fate, and if he truly cared, he might let painter chill in a safe room and protect him there. they’d lose the turrets and whatnot but painter would be fine

so i decided that in the story, there’s something keeping painter in place. an anti-tampering system of sorts built just for him, that either kills him, the tamperer, or both, serving as another obstacle for sebastian to figure out if he really wants to save his buddy

it makes sense in-universe for this to exist too, since there were urbanshade employees psycho enough to track down and kill a guy in cold blood just to get their hands on painter. urbanshade likely wouldn’t want a repeat of that with any other employees

as many of you figured out, YES the colors have meaning!

i didn’t used to like writing, i’ve always largely been a math person. before i really learned to enjoy it, i used to think that details like these in stories were unnecessary, and i’d make fun of them. what a chump i was

colors can have multiple meanings depending on the context. the way they are framed in the “colors” series is definitely not the only way they can be interpreted. i’ll let people draw their own conclusions about it :)

my google doc's script format isn't very formal at all. when i outline a scene i basically put just enough information in for myself to understand what the scene will look like, even if i haven't figured out what the dialogue will be yet

whenever i can’t make up my mind on how a character says something, i write down all the possibilities i come up with and then pick one later. some of the most simple lines go through so many iterations before i find something i’m happy with

before i knew that they were confirmed to have a brotherly relationship, in march i wrote an analysis on sebastian and painter’s roles in the story. i was then informed on tumblr that they see canonically each other as brothers

i later posted on twitter about it, because i could not find where zeal had confirmed this anywhere. so of course Wil randomly pops out of the bushes at that moment to confirm it themselves. thanks wil

these scenes were originally going to play out the exact same way, except they’d take place in the present with seb & painter. after learning this new information about their relationship, i decided to turn them into flashbacks. a decision that paid off IMMENSELY

i always figured sebastian had some amount of fourth-wall awareness as an explanation to how he knows about our multiple runs, can be in several places at once, and is even aware of when we go back into the blacksite after having won the game entirely.

i still have no damn clue what role mr lopee will have in the canon story, but i headcanon that he has something to do with sebastian’s omniscience.

i deliberately kept the update day in the comic ambiguous since we didn’t know when it would be, and still don’t. it’s definitely for the best that it comes out later, we gotta give the devs time to cook but also time to rest.

i changed the script of this page at the last second. i thought it would be interesting to have NSIF praise sebastian for being a good friend, which would have him feeling more guilty. but seb was already showered with praise from painter on the last page, so i switched it up.

then there’s the player’s face on page 12. they were originally going to look very eager to destroy painter. i figured that wouldn’t really work for someone who technically… doesn’t want to be doing what they’re doing. (also congrats to those who noticed which jumpsuit that is)

the future for sebastian and painter’s roles in the story is very uncertain. there are things that are set in stone, and other things that we’re not yet spoiled on, and all of us pretty much have more questions than answers

and even if the plot of this comic didn’t really GO anywhere, that’s okay. sometimes what the characters need is a quiet, calm moment to be in each other’s company… before the storm starts. well, have fun getting the badges, everyone! :P

thanks for following this story for the past month and a half! it's been a journey. it'll probably be a while before the next big story since i have irl stuff to attend to, but i have 5 more stories in the works and i'm excited to show more of what i have planned eventually!

OK THANKS FOR READING BYE

[occultbooks]

no one asked but here are my favorite passages from all of my oneshots on ao3. gonna put a link to this post in my pinned + update it regularly as my version of a portfolio.

[Sep 8 2020] R is for Roy - Maurice Moss/Roy Trenneman (The IT Crowd)

Moss thought about that. "I dunno. Labels help me figure things out, but I can see why you don't like them. They sort of put you in a box, don't they? You wouldn't like it in a box, I wouldn't like it in jail. We're similar in that way, aren't we? Anyway, I could just keep you filed under R," he smiled.

[Oct 21 2020] Please Don't Touch Me - Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks (Silicon Valley)

The water cascaded over him, drowning out every sound and every thought, the bathroom light like a sole streetlamp at the end of a dark cul-de-sac. He’d left the fan off so the steam would blind him. He sat on the shower floor, his head in his hands. He didn’t know why he was crying so much. Not that he thought crying was a bad thing, because he knew it wasn’t, but he didn’t know why the simple thought of Richard made him so sad. All he wanted was to help him, to understand him, and he couldn’t even do that. He felt absolutely powerless.

[Jan 20 2021] you just forgot your one pet name for me - Dinesh Chugtai/Bertram Gilfoyle (Silicon Valley)

”hey. dinesh.” he said to the mirror. practicing. he’d never done that before, at least not to prepare a talk with dinesh. “how’s it going, babe?” that word felt wrong in his mouth. it wasn’t a thing he wanted to say. he said it over and over but it was still uncomfortable.  he couldn’t use “darling,” because jared said that to richard all the time. the last thing gilfoyle wanted to do was turn into jared. ugh. “doll” was just too 50s. he didn’t want to say “honey,” or “sweetie.” those were too lovey for a casual conversation to begin with.  fuck it, who cares.

[Jun 6 2021] MCBC and the Rambling Robot - The MC Bat Commander/Jimmy the Robot (The Aquabats! Super Show!)

The Commander was more interested in science in concept than he was in practicality. He liked explosions and chemical reactions and...explosions! When Jimmy started talking about what all the little gears and gizmos do, internal hardware and whatnot, the Commander often tuned it out. He would just stare and stare and stare at Jimmy, almost longingly. The way he got all exasperated when asked about science stuff. How his eyes would (literally) light up with excitement. How happy he seemed, just to be sharing his knowledge with someone else. The good vibes and energies were so nice to just sit there and soak in.

[Oct 2 2021] Helping Out in the Lab - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

“How long have you been wanting to do that for, Spengs?” Ray asked softly. “Do you want honesty or something that sounds sane?” Ray mulled it over. “Honesty. Please and thank you.” “The first day we met.” “When we first met…at the university,” Ray stifled a laugh, grinning, and looked up at the ceiling. “How about that, eh?” Egon blushed again. More silence, the buzzing of fluorescent bulbs horribly apparent in Egon’s head, but he was too lost in the sound of his own heartbeat to care.

[Oct 4 2021] I Need You to Breathe For Me - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

The most terrifying thing known to mankind is the unforeseen consequential altering of previously fixed objectives and other consistencies. Or, at least, this is the most terrifying thing known to Egon. In other words, this is the changing of things that seemed, even if illogically so, safe and unchanging; such as, one losing something sentimental and meaningful.

[Jan 29 2022] The Questions of Who and Why - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

“Spengs!?” Ray didn’t mean to sound so bemused, but it wasn’t often that he saw Egon outside of work. They’d known each other since college, and Ray wasn’t entirely sure that Egon didn’t still live on campus. But here he was, in the dead of night. Ray, realizing this wasn’t as much of a big deal as he was convinced it was, let out a frustrated breath. He motioned with his hand. “Get inside, it’s freezing out!” Egon obliged. Much like a vampire, Egon wasn’t one to enter a house without being invited in, even if he’d been in said house before, and was given express permission to barge in whenever he liked. “Don’t send a Spengler to do a Venkman’s job,” Ray liked to joke. Once inside, true to form, Egon waited until Ray gave him permission to “make yourself at home” before sitting down. From the kitchen, he called, “You want anything to drink?”

[March 4 2022] Starfish - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

Ray pressed his forehead to Egon’s in a reassuring way. Ray was never very good at clear verbal communication on an intimate level, and when it came to expressions of appreciation, or love, most of the time he just seized up. He loved Egon so dearly, and he wished he could say all the things that were in his head; all the things he knew Egon needed to hear. But his mind was either scrambled to no end, or it felt completely blank. He felt guilty about it, because logically, if he talked so much anyway, it should be easy. He only wished it was. Sometimes, all he could really do to show Egon how much he cared was to hold him. In Egon’s head, that was enough.

[May 5 2022] Last Kiss - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

The way Egon looked at him was enough to make Ray crumble to the ground. His heart pounded in his chest, and he felt young again. In his 20s, when him and Egon had met, their studies were the only things they were supposed to be concerned with. They would meet in each other’s dorms, narrowly avoiding Ray’s nuisance roommate, and help each other prepare for tests. Soon enough, it changed. It all changed because Ray caught Egon looking at him in the way he tended to do. Knowing that he’d never be looked at like that again, Ray became somber, and the fleeting lonesome feeling filled his heart again. The look so filled with admiration that it was almost an out-of-body experience. The look that made the insecurities disappear and reappear with fluctuating frequency. The look that made him think, “This face? This body? This soul? You want me?” but allowed every question mark to melt when Egon’s hand brushed his arm. In his isolated months, Ray’s self-image had no doubt deteriorated back to that time. Even with a hand on his face, he felt himself thinking, “This old face? This old body? This old soul? You want me?” 

[May 25 2022] now it's sweat, it's sweat now - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

In my thoughts, a swirl of colors surrounds me. I am an abstract concept within myself, and Egon, who sits adjacent to me in my reality, is surrounding me on every side, watching me with a million eyes. I want to be his only objective. A primal urge rushes through me and I feel overwhelmed, though I am sitting still. A muddled tango of feeling, literally proverbial, yet conceptually literal, as the figures in my mind dance around my stand-in and become more distorted, until they are inky black snakes slithering towards me. I feel shame, and abandonment; not that it has happened, but that it could. Where it is all coming from, I cannot place, but I cannot make it stop. My mind and heart race in syncopation until I’m no longer sure I’m human.

[May 27 2022] conversations with a stone - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

Eleven roses littered the ground, bruised by boots, sunken in soil. Petals were perturbed, stems were severed. A stone engraved; 8 digits and a name. No quote, no relatives, no “loved by many” messages. 8 digits and a name. No service was held for the man under the dirt, being eaten by the inhabitants of the home his body invaded.  Leaves crunched beneath the shoes of a man who’d walked the same path almost a dozen times before. He approached the stone to greet it, to pretend he was speaking to the one lying beneath it, to continue maintaining some placebo of a connection. As he kneeled next to the grave, he felt his lip begin to tremble. 35 years ago, he was alive, and they talked every day. 15 years ago, he was alive, and they talked whenever possible. Two years ago, he was alive, and Ray should’ve called.

[Jul 31 2022] ray gets hurt and then other stuff happens - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

But Egon said nothing. He leaned closer to Ray, clearly unsure of himself. Ray could feel his own heart beat, and he swore he could hear them both. Their noses almost touching, Egon breathed in softly, then let out a small nervous sigh as his eyes flew around Ray’s face, looking for any sign of discomfort so he could pass off what he was doing as something inconspicuous without verbal confrontation. He felt so pathetic; he was like a teenage boy with a crush on a girl, except he was a grown man, and Ray was not a girl, and these alterations to the trope formula only made him feel more terrified. After a beat, he said, “May I…” and then he forgot how to speak. He was paralyzed by the fear of rejection, and he didn’t want to finish the sentence. Egon hated feeling vulnerable; he thought Ray was vulnerable enough for the both of them. Now he felt as exposed as ever, like an outside dog during winter at night.

[Aug 27 2022] The After-Effects of Synthesized Positivity - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

“I love you,” Ray responded earnestly. He’d said this a lot tonight: a couple times at the museum, a few times as they walked to the car, many times on the way home. But he hadn’t yet said it to Egon, alone. It was always “I love you guys,” “I love both of you,” “I love my friends.” A couple times, Egon had considered telling him to shut up. Not that he was jealous. Not that he would ever admit it if he was, which he wasn’t. Egon wasn’t jealous. He didn’t care that the attention wasn’t on him and him alone. He didn’t silently grit his teeth at the simple fact that Ray had enough love to go around, or that he enjoyed expressing this love. Egon was not jealous. He wasn’t. Not at all. Despite this, upon hearing the words, a palpable sense of adoration filled his chest, and his face was so warm he couldn’t blame it on the steam.

[Nov 19 2022] Feeling Lighter - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

Ray held his trusty Zippo lighter in his hand. Old faithful. Sure, Bic lighters had become more common overtime, but why exchange comfort for style? He had closed all the windows. He didn’t want a Story of an Hour revelation. Though, this was unrealistic; nothing could change his disposition, no matter how retrospectively he stared at the sky. Another reason he closed the windows was that the urge to jump through one of them repeatedly was stronger than he cared to admit to even himself. What else could he do in solitude except to break every bone in his body trying to justify his survival? What else could he do now? Flick…flick. Open…closed. He glanced at the door that no one was going to walk through. He looked at the kitchen where no food would be made. There was no saving grace this time. Egon was dead. He couldn’t just take a cab home from the afterlife. Ray had been in the business long enough to know that much. Death is permanent. His leg bounced like he was waiting for something. Every sound he heard made his heart drop. He was an anxious dog lamely waiting for his owner’s return, even though it had been a year. He didn’t have a concept of time. Egon left just last week, right? He’ll come back, right? Flick, flick. Open, closed.

[Dec 22 2022] my job is to love you - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

Egon could predict that Ray was going to get upset no matter what he said. “Raymond, I’m sorry for chastising you, but you’re behaving like a child.” “At least children have a future to look forward to!” Ray yelled, his voice breaking. “This is it for me! I’m stuck with this life!” And then the room became silent. The world stood still, as if it, as well as them, was waiting for one of them to walk out the door and never come back. But then, something shifted. Ray’s breath wavered as the echo of what he had said made its way off of the wall and into his brain. “I don’t…I didn’t mean that.” He whispered. “What am I saying?” Ray stared at his hands, unclenching his fists. Egon stood up, concerned. Ray covered his face with his hands, letting out choking sobs as he fell to the floor.

[Mar 3 2023] doesn't subtract from the fact that i love you for psychological reasons - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

Maybe it was the way that Egon smelled. Like pages of a book, bathed in vanilla. Maybe it was the way his mouth tasted. Always like something sweet. Always. Maybe it was the way he gripped Ray’s neck like the scruff of a cat as they kissed, being careful not to hurt him while still being charmingly possessive. No matter what it was, Ray found it hard to act normal around Egon; it was nearly impossible. They’d only known each other for a year and a semester, but that was enough for Ray. His heart pounded in his chest, and it felt like high school all over again. 

[Jul 5 2023] Bad Ending - Daniel Cain/Herbert West (Reanimator)

They were numbers on a sheet. Time stamps. Statistics. Limp, lifeless bodies.  As Herbert looked out at the sea of those limp, lifeless bodies, he felt no guilt in his chest. No metaphorical blood on his hands. Only literal. His subconscious was colorblind as a greyhound, and he smelled only opportunity. The metal pipe at his feet was dented to oblivion, but still retained its shape. The man holding the pipe, dead on the ground, was not yet beyond recognition. His wounds – a gash across his stomach, scratches and bites in his arms and legs – were no longer gushing blood, yet the wide-eyed expression on his face screamed silently, as if he could still feel what was done to him. Herbert looked at him, feeling something unfamiliar creeping into himself and reverberating throughout his ribcage. His heart was beating hard and uncomfortably as he knelt down. The beaming fluorescents were giving him a headache, or he was allergic to something in the air. He thought that was why his eyes began to water as he took in the battered face of Dan Cain. 

[Jul 27 2023] You're the Man, Jones - Conrad Earp/Jones Hall (Asteroid City)

Silence again. Conrad kept writing. Jones was wondering if the incessant pounding in his head was necessary. He was paranoid, still. He was afraid, still. The world wasn’t ready for a man like Conrad. Jones could handle it himself, but even Conrad couldn’t. He would crumble under the pressure. He was delicate. He was a flower, and there was a shoe crushing his spine and his petals, destroying everything that made him special. And the flower was on top of a tripwire that set off a bomb. The tripwire was Conrad. And the bomb was Conrad. And the shoe was also Conrad. 

[Nov 4 2023] jonah, he was swallowed by a whale - Egon Spengler/Ray Stantz (Ghostbusters)

Can you have love without it being noticed? How do you love without shouting it to the clouds and the sun, the birds and the butterflies, the stars and the moon? Is it possible to be half a whole and still allow people to think you are a unit in and of yourself? How do you mask love? How do you hide something so impossibly consuming? How can you be eaten by a whale and continue to behave like you are not being digested?

NOTE: from here on, the fics have the tendency to be sexually explicit. heed this warning.

[Dec 4 2024] don't have to guess the color of (my) underwear - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

"Sickle cell?" Foreman suggested. Wilson felt a vibration begin. He gasped sharply. Everyone looked at him, and Wilson tried not to look ashamed. "I forgot to mention. Wilson is wearing a shock bracelet on his leg. Every time someone says something idiotic, I shock him." House pulled the remote out from his pocket. "Sickle cell doesn't cause nausea." Wilson prayed to a god he didn't believe in that this got diagnosed as fast as possible so he could go home and let House have his way with him. 

[Dec 7 2024] drunk in love or whatever - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

He got obscenely close to Wilson’s face. Wilson looked up at him like he was seeing the stars for the first time, and House would never admit how warm that made him feel. He didn’t like being “lovey-dovey” or “soft,” even around Wilson. It didn’t necessarily make him feel weak, it just made him feel vulnerable. He wasn’t worried about weakness; he was weak all the time. But opening his ribcage up and letting someone poke and prod around at his heart…sure, surgeons did it all the time, but what if he loved someone who didn’t know what they were doing? What if he loved someone who really did?

[Dec 14 2024] there he is - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

Of course that’s what did it. Of course the words “I love you” made Wilson cum and moan like a bitch. He slowed his thrusts down to a halt as he filled his husband. “God, you were so good, you’re so good for me, I love you, I love you so much, Christ, you’re perfect, I love you.” He fell softly on top of House, kissing at his neck and jaw fervently, practically singing praises as if they were the only things he knew how to say. 

[Dec 19 2024] how out of control we are this evening (darling) - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

Beautiful. Wilson had such a complicated relationship with that word. It was so often used, in his youth, to mean like Aphrodite. To be soft, and feminine. To be desirable to men who wanted you to act like a woman. Everyone in Wilson’s life saw him, and they thought, why aren’t you a normal girl? Wilson thought it when he looked in the mirror. He knew he was beautiful. But if that was beauty, well, he would rather have been an amorphous blob, hibernating in a cellar, alone, with no reflective surfaces. Why did he have to choose between being beautiful and being a man? When House—Greg—said he was beautiful, it always meant something different. It felt different. Adonis-like. With the qualities of the feminine beauty he once admonished himself to be rid of, but harnessing them in a masculine way. It was strange, incredibly so. There was still a tinge of the old meaning (how could there not be?), that made Wilson wince when he thought about it for too long. But, when the man who had known him as Dr. James Wilson for the past 20 years had his head between his legs, gripping his hips and thighs for dear life, it was hard to believe he was anything other than a man. What a strange world.

[Dec 30 2024] baby cut me open, take my blood in your mouth - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

“Are you an idiot? Of course I liked it. I had all of my power taken from me, and you, in all your wide-eyed sluttiness, gave me some of it back. I kicked you out because I didn’t want to take advantage of you.” “I wouldn’t have let that happen.” “You just did.”

[Jan 6 2025] i could do this forever - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

House hated how much that affected him, his cheeks heating up despite himself. He tried not to think about what Wilson was really saying, how that meant that he was loved unconditionally, how that meant that Wilson was choosing to stick around despite House’s frequent power trips and insatiable appetite for bickering. Wilson had lied: he was not at House’s mercy. He chose to play by House’s rules. Wilson was the one trying to keep him around.

[Jan 15 2025] you're like the stars - Robert Chase/Chi Park (House M.D.)

Undressing in this way felt vulnerable. Sure, they’d had sex, but this was different. This was baring your soul to someone who then had to help you carry it gently across a sea of broken glass. This was letting someone look at a story that you were in the middle of writing, asking them if they liked it, hoping they would understand that it’s not quite done. Hoping they would help you finish the book.

[Jan 30 2025] we drink and i bandage your wrists - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

He sat down again, dropping the gauze. “Open,” he ordered, producing a single Vicodin from the bottle. House obeyed. Wilson placed the pill on House’s tongue. He felt his muscles relax at the taste. Not just of the dusty pill residue dissolving, but also the taste of Wilson’s fingers. He swallowed the pill, closing his lips around the digits in his mouth, knowing they would be pulled away. Wilson gasped sharply and retracted his hand, wiping it off on the side of his pants. “What’s wrong with you?” “Lots.”

[Feb 12 2025] without the pretty pink ribbon, you'd end up just like me - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

House decided she was She like the sun. House was She like a boat or a car. House was She like Mother Nature. House was She like the Universe. House was She who chain smoked in the office of a film noir detective. She put out her cigarette on his wooden desk and pulled a gun out to press it to his head. She whispered in his ear and her lipstick brushed his cheek so he smelled like her.  “How hard is this going to be?” House asked earnestly.  Wilson looked at her with watery eyes. “Hard,” he admitted. “But I’m going to be here.”

[Feb 28 2025] it's like you're in heat - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

“I can’t kneel. T-this is the next best thing.” If he keeps talking like this… “I’d kneel for you, though. If I could. I’d pray to you. I’d kill for you.” Wilson squeezed his eyes shut, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. House connected their lips. “I’d let you kill me if you wanted to. If you needed it.”

[Mar 10 2025] codependency and pillows - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

The pillow smelled nice. He settled back down against it. He thought about running his hands through House’s hair. The vague scent of his 3-in-1 shampoo permeated the fabric and found itself lodged in the cotton beneath the pillow cover. Wilson felt like a rabid bloodhound as he buried his nose in the cushion, managing to glean more notes with every inhale. The smell of House’s sweat mingled with the woodsy soap. Wilson caught himself whimpering as he breathed it in.  I need to get a hold of myself.  Easier said – thought – than done. Wilson turned the pillow vertically, allowing it to be parallel to his body so he could put his arm around it and hug it close to himself. He nuzzled his face into it like a cat. Once again, he was intending to go back to sleep, but suddenly, the scent felt like it was getting stronger. Maybe he was just drifting into a place between sleep and consciousness where all sensory input was impossibly intense. Or maybe he just missed House so badly that he was having olfactory hallucinations.

[Mar 27 2025] something you all want - Gregory House/James Wilson/Female!Reader (House M.D.)

The problem came thusly: you knew James was also in love with Greg. It took a few months before he was able to admit it, and a few cautious, carefully-timed questions regarding the nature of their relationship. James hadn’t done anything about it, obviously, because he had a reputation at the hospital, but you couldn’t help but think it would do them both some good to get the feelings out there in one way or another. Sure, you loved having James all to yourself, but you didn’t really have him all to yourself as it was. He was with Greg every other day anyway. But, maybe if your hopeless romantic boyfriend was getting what he needed on all sides of his life, the tension in his shoulders would ease. That’s all you really wanted for him: to see him relax. Soon enough, a mischievous idea formed in your head. Maybe we can all get a little something out of this. But it couldn’t be presented like it was your idea. Oh, no, no, NO! Absolutely not. You didn’t want him to think it was for you…even if it kind of was.

[Apr 2 2025] re: my reputation - Gregory House/James Wilson (House M.D.)

House came with a shout that melted into a groan. Wilson slowed to a halt and bent down, kissing the skin of House’s cheek that was beginning to bloom red, kissing the beginnings of tears that threatened to fall. An apology went unspoken, but Wilson understood it regardless. He just continued to kiss the man’s face until they joined their lips together, and all was forgiven.

[buggitino]

more headcanons about sebastian solace from the hit game pressure roblox

back on my bullshit and i promise i only talk about The Situation a little bit

☆ his third arm is more sensitive than the other two (i'm thinking that either the USHD doctors fucked something up during the operation OR it grew in wrong, nerve endings closer to the epidermis and whatnot, something like that)

☆ just hates being touched in general, he’d rather initiate that contact (need an update where he gently —> not very gently shakes expendables off (depending on whether and how much they’ve annoyed/flashbanged him) when they climb him) ☆☆ part of this is due to trauma, he cant trust anyone to touch him without hurting him ☆☆ the other part is that he’s got that fucking dawg in him (i’ll get to this in a second)

☆ unlike what his new voice lines are starting to suggest about his character (i’m not gonna talk about zerum again because i think everyone knows what's happening at this point and ive already thrown in my two cents) he does NOT hate the expendables. literally his first line upon meeting him in his shop has him calling himself your friend (as strained of a connection as it may be, he could very easily not offer items, not share documentation/info, and just take the expendables data and hoard anything he picks up to make it harder for them to get to the crystal) (like yes, it's a mutually beneficial relationship but if sebastian didn't care about or sympathize with the expendables to some extent, it wouldn't be). i really do think he just has a short fuse (i'm not going to bring up trauma again, however-) and says things he doesn't mean (e.g. “they deserved it. and frankly so do the rest of you.” (im coping with the mischaracterization of these new lines leave me alone)) as a means of protecting himself and pushing the expendables further away (both physically and emotionally)

☆ he’ll act like a brat once they’re done, but he lets younger expendables sleep in his shop (he cares about them but would never in a million years let them know that) ☆☆ if a younger one comes in with a bunch of adult expendables, he’ll treat them all the same but will secretly slip the younger one some extra batteries, gauze, something unnoticeable (he feels especially responsible for the younger male expendables cause they remind him of his little brother)

☆ sometimes he thinks he can hear his family's voices on the radio, just under all the static, calling out for him like a search party would. he used to cry over this but he almost got caught once by an expendable coming into the shop so he does his best to tune it out. it’s hard. guilt pulls at his stomach every time he hears a clip of his family, begging for him to come home, to respond, something, anything, and he ignores it.

☆ autism (cause i said so) - i'm including this one for the sole reason that he does the dinosaur thing with his third arm and generally keeps his hands clasped together in the secret dinosaur position (he just like me fr) ☆☆ hates bright lights (the only light he uses/allows in his shop is the one he emits) (its a very soft/warm hue as opposed to the bright fluorescents throughout the rest of the facility) (not to bring up the flash beacon, obviously nobody likes getting flashbanged and he's got angler eyes but sTILL)

☆ he used to hate eating fish (pre-op) and now he’s pissed cause it’s all he has available and the DNA changes made it so fish is the yummiest tastiest thing in the world (i like imagining him actively fighting the urge to eat whatever fish he’s cooked in one bite cause he refuses to acknowledge that he's changed on a level that isn't physical/appearance-based)

☆ calls grown adults “kiddo” (even the ones that are older than him) ☆☆ he gets a certain kind of joy from seeing the 40/50/60 year old expendables try to figure out just how old he is after they get called “kiddo”. it’s extra fun for him when they’ve clearly already heard the rumors and/or gotten a glimpse of his file

☆ the ring is just an accessory, a bracelet on the floor or in a locker he found and liked. assumed nobody was gonna claim it and kept it (shoutout to @/lotus.eaterr on tik tok for this one!!!!)

[ashuribbon]

Something I had been thinking about, but I remember in my stream talking about this (let's hope I don't get my butt kicked). I was gonna talk about this on my none-art blog, but it's fair I post it here instead:

In my theory, A Mermaid's Tale won't be the last time we see of Abalone Cookie. If anything, a part of me feels he could come back to play another major role in any future event. Whether it be the next update or in about a year or so, a part of me thinks he could end up with a newer ghost-like design, or perhaps a design similar to famous fictional pirate villains such as Davy Jones or whatnot!

I say it won't be the last since there is some tint of proof. If you recall in Ovenbreak, we had seen Pirate Cookie's backstory and how it said he found a way to become a ghost. We see Pirate manage to survive against all odds, at least compared to the likes of Black Pearl Cookie's victims, and by extension Abalone.

Another note is how Pirate's crew contains mostly dead spirits, which shows he has it easy. While he may have died elsewhere via Night Sea, he somehow managed to survive, but we'll have to wait and see what exactly happened to him that lead to him being a ghost pirate. Whether it be because of Dark Enchantress Cookie, or because of a curse, it's up for debate.

A notable thing I took note of with the Kingdom Arena cake hound from almost a year ago is the description:

And if you recall, we saw Abalone's fate: He was drowned in the waters of the deep by Black Pearl Cookie in what would become the Duskgloom Sea. Accordingly, he was the first to fall victim to her, having been swallowed by his own greed and manipulative nature.

Black Pearl Cookie mentions a ship that once belonged to a "fearsome pirate."

That is also mentioned in this decoration:

Not to mention possible bonus dialogue from the game:

Whether it be that it's Abalone Cookie saying this, or said Captain talking about Abalone, it's pretty much an indicator that he's still alive, but mostly undead levels of alive.

The more possible outcome is that "fearsome pirate" was Abalone. If he was a pirate captain posing as a mariner, then it's no shock that he had House Abalone built by his own hands all while being a fraud. He didn't even need to try, since it was possible that nobody came to stop him when he rose to power, especially with some info that is seen when playing through the Special Episode:

He may have started out similar to Lord Oyster, but like all legends, a spark led him to power all Rise of Scourge style, and overtime he became cocky and ruthless.

The most likelihood we'll see is he either comes back as a ghost pirate, or ends up being similar to that of a Cookie with merged parts of a sea creature (betting ten cents he'll have parts of the Aquamech on him). He's dead and gone, but he's still out there and forever long forgotten. We'll never know.

And besides... Don't dead men tell no tales?

[menofsweaters]

Okay, I finally broke down and read the MHA epilogue leaks and I'm throwing my thoughts at the wall here so they'll get out of my brain. I fully did NOT seek these leaks out, but I was inundated with them all over tumblr, Insta, and even TikTok.

First and foremost, canon genuinely means very little to me. 90% of my enjoyment of MHA comes from fan works, including creating my own AUs and whatnot with friends, so like... canon being bad can't hurt me. I'm also old and have lived through way worse queerbaiting and fandom wars. There's also probably a lot lost in translation that we don't know yet and won't know until the official release. 🤷‍♀️

In no particular order, here is my brain dump on:

Izuocha and shipping in general

- as mentioned above, I don't really care about canon and I don't think ships need to be canon to be meaningful and enjoyable. I'll ship characters who never meet. I'll ship characters from completely different fandoms. Who's gonna stop me? In general, I think the shippers need to stop putting so much emphasis on a particular ship being canon.

- ALL THAT BEING SAID, BKDK was my first MHA ship and it's incredibly important to a lot of people. I think Hori had the opportunity to do something with that relationship that would have been groundbreaking, and he chose not to. He also had the opportunity to simply not focus on any ships and he didn't do that either, soooo... yeah. I think it's okay to be bitter that we still can't have a canon queer ship in shounen. It's reasonable to be disappointed. BKDK and Togachako were the most moving and complex relationships portrayed in the entire manga, in my humble opinion, and it does sting that they got pushed aside.

- I am not a fan of Izuocha, even though I generally like Ochaco. I just find it boring. I'm not enthused by het ships in general, but Izuocha in particular has zero chemistry in my eyes. They're also very similar characters in their mannerisms and personality, and I prefer "opposites attract" type ships that are more dynamic. I prefer Izuku and Ochaco as besties. They went through such similar traumas during the war, being unable to save someone that truly mattered to them, I would prefer to think of this ending as them helping each other move past their PTSD to rekindle a closer friendship.

- ALL OF THAT BEING SAID, while the chapter did not explicitly pair up ANY couples (except apparently Mushroom Girl and Vantablack? which is?? cute but random???), it's definitely implied that Izuocha is pursuing a romantic relationship. Feel free to tell yourself something different but it is what it is.

The hero rankings and other random plot crumbs

- the rankings also felt so incredibly random to me?? Best Jeanist dropping below Mt. Lady? what??

- good on Lemillion being number one though, I always imagine him in the top spot and I think the MHA world needs a hero like that to lift their spirits after the war. It makes sense that he's popular.

- also makes sense that Shouto is number two but wtf do you mean AIR CONDITIONING HERO

- so many of the updated character designs on the adult heroes are BAD, but Jeanist looks slick

- they changed Shinsou's hero name? for why? and gave him a bad haircut??

- absolutely no mention of how Hawks and All Might are working to revamp the hero rankings system, do not accept this

- Mirio is one of my favorite characters but his scene was weird af

- so many inconsistencies in the art style and messaging

- people randomly saying ominous things with no follow through like "heroes won't be around for much longer" or whatever

- I saw someone mention an implication that Bakugou is married to a woman but I didn't find any sign of that in the leaks, so I think that's fake. I know everyone is upset about Dynamight being number 15, and I agree that's too low, but that irritation is low on my list of grievances.

- the whole conversation between Baku and Deku about joining his agency was confusing and unfulfilling? I get why Deku would say no to being a sidekick, but I also don't feel like that's what Bakugou was offering, and they had the conversation in the car with Kirishima... just awkward. Which segues into my next talking point

Horikoshi's writing as a whole

- I think you can easily track the degradation of Hori's writing from the vigilante Deku arc to now. It's disjointed, confusing, often strays from established themes, and meanders around on weird tangents. It's... not great. It's not awful, but not great, especially for an epic climax/epilogue. Which is fine! He's a human being, not a content machine! But I think it's fair for fans to be disappointed that the writing has gone downhill, especially since the art has improved and become much more dynamic and interesting at the same time.

- in my view, it's incredibly easy to see that Hori lost his passion and was completely burnt out on MHA as we approached the end. The writing reflects a desire to wrap up everything quickly. Vital details are written in text rather than shown on the page. Storylines and themes are abandoned. Characters die, fail, or excel completely off screen. Hori spends more screen time and puts more emphasis on random side characters (see: Dai and the figure escaped a basement and was saved by that grandmother) rather than main characters, probably because it would be too difficult to give better endings to the main characters.

- you can also see the difference between the complex symbolism and plot points set up since the very beginning in earlier chapters, and all of that complexity and the hopeful vibes are bled away at the end. It's sad, actually.

- I saw an interesting take that this final chapter is Hori trying to make everyone happy - implying Izuocha while leaving BKDK still kind of open, making Deku a teacher AND a hero, listing all of the rankings, etc. and I think this is the theory that makes the most sense to me. He's taking a safer route and trying to please as many fans as possible, while unfortunately disappointing everyone.

- I've also heard that there's pressure from editors or Shounen Jump to have the series end this way, but I don't know about that. I'd think they would want to keep milking this cash cow forever. Maybe that partially explains the lack of queer canonical ships.

- SPEAKING OF WHICH, I've heard consistently from the fanbase that Hori is more progressive and more queer-friendly than other mangaka, but I honestly haven't seen any proof of this. Feels like wishful thinking. I've also hear that he's had other canon gay and trans characters, but the only ones I know of are Magne and Tiger, both characters that are simply implied to be gender nonconforming and maybe trans. But these are also not necessarily great portrayals, even if they are intended to be canon. Maybe there are characters in other works of his that I don't know about.

- maybe I'm jaded, but I also can't shake the assumption that Hori purposefully implied Izuocha at the end because he doesn't like his main characters being seen as gay. We've seen this in many other fathoms. Even if Hori didn't want to make BKDK canon, there are other popular queer ships that could have been given a tiny spotlight if he really wanted to have that representation.

- this is going back to shipping a bit, but Hori had this entire manga to create a meaningful relationship between Izuku and Ochaco and he just... didn't? Instead he literally and figuratively pushed them together at the end? Why not show them going on cute dates and getting closer? Why not a kiss? It just feels like a half-hearted cop-out. Ochaco has more chemistry and more screen time with Toga's ghost living in her brain than with Izuku. I am not exaggerating.

- I think Hori has a major case of "oops I accidentally wrote a powerful queer love story" syndrome (see also: Destiel) and just didn't know what to do with that. There's so little room for chemistry with other characters when you make the entire story about Bakugou and Izuku's relationship. 👀

- I think a lot of fans put Hori on a pedestal and expected perfection, but it turns out he's just one guy and he can't please everyone. I never got the vibe that he was a particularly great writer, and I never got the vibe that he was going to make BKDK canon. I think he (kind of like a certain JKR) created an amazing world and beloved characters, and then really fumbled at the very end when all the pressure was on.

Okay, I think I've cleansed my brain enough of all this.

TLDR: I think Horikoshi's writing has unfortunately been going downhill for a long time and this is the culmination of that. I feel bad for the man because he's probably under so much pressure and so burnt out - he wants to be done. Maybe we would have gotten something better if Hori could take some extended breaks or hand off the manga to someone else.

I'm disappointed about BKDK but more in an "I'm disappointed that we couldn't have this representation in 2024" way than a personal way. I would have preferred no ships. I'll keep enjoying fan content of lots of different ships that aren't canon and you should too! The canon can't hurt you! I hope we get the queer shounen we all deserve one day.

[gleamingyu]

anti-hero.

part II of the midnights series. inspired by taylor swift’s midnights. part I

pairing: music-producer!seungcheol x lawyer!fem!reader [exes-to-lovers]

genre: angst. fluff.

warnings: she/her pronouns for reader (but no specific physical characteristics). a bucketload of angst (i'm so sorry). light cursing. terrible knowledge of law stuff. so much crying yikes. miscommunication & misunderstandings. mentions of drinking and allusions to driving under the influence (do not do that ever!!). reader might seem a bit unlikeable in this chapter, but it's all part of the plot, okay?? she's trying her best. mentions of intimacy and sex (??), nothing graphic tho. slow burn. alternating povs. jihan as my lovely, beautiful, in love babies (yes they're a couple). some petnames (baby, babe). flashbacks are in italics. lower caps intended [if there’s anything i missed, please let me know!]

word count: approx. 8.1k (idk what happened)

notes: finally managed to work on my baby again. i'm sorry for the long wait but i had a lot of shit going on :/ thank you to everyone who showed love on the first part, i love each and every single on of you!! once again, likes, reblogs and comments are more than appreciated :)

summary: seungcheol wants to fix things; you want to avoid him at all costs. one thing is for sure, though. neither of you will have closure until you talk.

four months ago

the silence ringing inside seungcheol’s ears was even louder than the ambient noise of the restaurant he found himself in.

he genuinely couldn’t believe you were doing this to him again. the time was nearing 8 p.m., almost an hour later than when you were supposed to be here, and seungcheol was trying very hard to ignore the pitiful glances the waiters were not-so-subtly throwing him. he didn’t know what frustrated him more; the fact this was the seventh date you were clearly canceling on, or that you hadn’t updated him on your whereabouts in almost half an hour. if you weren’t going to show up, the least you could do is call and let seungcheol know you were gonna meet him at home.

home. funny how the word no longer brought a sense of peace in seungcheol’s heart.

just as he was about to get up and leave, seungcheol felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his pants, and his heart soared when he saw your name displayed on the screen. maybe you were going to make it after all, maybe you could still enjoy the nice evening he had planned, maybe…

“cheol… i’m so sorry.”

you were not coming.

seungcheol could tell from the apologetic tone in your voice. he didn’t even hear the next words that came from your end, whatever excuse you had to offer getting lost in the sound of his heart breaking. the grip he had on his phone was the only thing anchoring him in that moment, his eyes closed as he was trying to push down the tears that were threatening to spill out. he could hear you calling his name, are you there? but all he could offer was an “i’ll see you at home” before ending the call.

there was no part of you that was ready to face what awaited you on the other side of your apartment door.

the day hadn’t gone as you’d planned. you knew seungcheol had plans for the two of you that evening, so you had decided to wake up and go to the office earlier than usual in order to finish what you were working on in time for your date. but when you woke up that morning, you found seungcheol in the kitchen, diligently trying his best at making breakfast for the two of you. you melted at the sight of your boyfriend wearing your peach-colored apron – and nothing underneath but a pair of sweatpants – and you didn’t have the heart to turn him down when he oh-so-gleefully presented you with what could only be described as an admirable attempt at pancakes. moments like these were rare in your lives, with both of your hectic schedules and whatnot, so you sat down and enjoyed the warmth that came from the food, the sun coming in through the curtains, and seungcheol’s smile.

the sense of peace that came with spending the morning with seungcheol quickly dispersed once you arrived at the office and realized you were late, which gave your boss – mr. moon, a pathetic, greedy, and cruel excuse of a man who lived to make the lives of his employees a living hell – the perfect excuse to make you his target of the day. in addition to the case you were supposed to work on, mr. moon decided to dump on you stacks of paperwork that apparently needed to be taken care of by tonight, a task that normally a damn paralegal could take care of – no offense to paralegals.

normally you wouldn’t put up with this type of behavior. you weren’t raised to let people just walk all over you as they damn pleased. but around the office, there was one unspoken rule that everyone learned as soon as they started working here; ‘whatever mr. moon says, goes.’ besides, moon was the only person on the board of directors that could veto promotions in the firm, so until you could see the words senior associate inscribed under your name on the door of your office, you’d have to shut your mouth and take whatever was thrown at you with your head held high.

that isn’t to say that sometimes you wished mr. moon would get hit by a bus, ‘mean girls’ style. today had been one of those days, as the hours trickled by, closer and closer to when you should leave for your date with seungcheol, and yet mr. moon seemed to have a continuous stream of tasks that needed to be done, by you specifically. you realized you would never make it in time to see seungcheol, and so, tonight marked the seventh date you had to cancel because of work.

now, with the time on your phone reading 22:32, you were standing outside your apartment, bracing yourself for the talk you knew you were going to have with seungcheol. letting out a big exhale, you punched in the door code and let yourself in, the quietness of the apartment immediately enveloping you.

for a split second, you thought seungcheol might have gone to sleep already, but the faint sound of glass redirected you towards the kitchen, where you found said man standing by the kitchen island, nursing a glass of wine. you recognized the bottle mingyu had gifted him on his birthday that year, some fancy brand you’d never heard of before. as you stepped closer, the dim light of the kitchen finally illuminating you, seungcheol turned towards you, an inscrutable look on his face.

after four years of learning, knowing, loving seungcheol, you prided yourself in being able to discern what he was feeling at any given moment. but now, standing in front of him, you were scared to admit that you couldn’t read whatever feelings his eyes held. it made you feel uneasy, the way it seemed like he was looking through you, into you, and you wished you could come up with something to say to disturb the uncomfortable silence, but saying i’m sorry seemed redundant in that moment.

“a bit late, isn’t it?” seungcheol spoke up, and your heart clenched at the cold, almost mocking tone of his voice.

“i know, but i couldn’t get out faster. no matter what i said, my boss kept piling up my work and i just… i couldn’t. i’m so sorry… you know i wanted to come, more than anything. i really did,” you said, silently pleading that seungcheol would forgive you.

“i’m sure you did,” seungcheol gruffed, turning his attention back to the wine before him.

“cheol… don’t be like this, please…” you tried getting closer to him, but his body whipped towards you, his eyes narrowing at you.

“like what, exactly? angry? frustrated? sad? disappointed? i can be like that, actually, seeing as this is the seventh time in 3 months you’ve ditched me for work, apparently!” seungcheol spewed, making you take several steps back. your body tenses.

“‘apparently?’ what is that supposed to mean?”

“i don’t know, it just seems very unlikely that you’d have to sometimes spend more than twelve hours at work. i mean, you’re a lawyer, aren’t you? surely, you should know everything about workplace laws,” seungcheol bit back. he’s never spoken to you like this before, ever, the mockery in his voice surely aimed to hurt you. you felt anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach, but you tried your best to stay calm, for the sake of both of you.

“seungcheol,” you said, and you couldn’t help feeling a twinge of satisfaction seeing his eyebrows raise in surprise after hearing you use his full name. “if you have something to say, i’d rather you just do it, instead of insinuating it.”

seungcheol fell quiet for a moment, glancing down at his feet. “i meant it when i said i was held back at work, cheol. why would i lie about that?” you continued.

“for the past two years that you’ve been working there, you know i never once met any of your coworkers? i’ve never even stepped foot into your office, for god’s sake! you’ve been to my studio countless of times, you know the people i’m closest to, i’ve invited you to all the events the label organizes, so i just can’t understand! i don’t understand why you’re dead-set on keeping me away from that part of your life! and it makes me think… it makes me feel like i’m not enough, like you’re ashamed of me–”

“that’s absolutely not true, cheol!” you jumped in. you couldn’t even entertain the thought of seungcheol feeling self-conscious because of you, when it was the furthest thing you wanted. “i think you’re the most talented person i know, the most passionate, hard-working, smart… beautiful… i could never be ashamed of you.”

unshed tears were clinging to both of your lashes, heavy breathing echoing around the kitchen. how could you let things get so bad?

“it made me think there was someone else,” seungcheol breathes out.

the air gets stuck in your throat, the tears brimming in your eyes finally sliding down your face. “cheol… how could… there never was anyone! i swear, all the nights i would come home late, it was because of my work! i swear, i would never… you’re the only person that’s ever on my mind…”

silence fell over you and seungcheol, the words thrown between you slowly sinking in. seungcheol sniffled, taking a seat at the round table in the middle of the kitchen; you wished you could go to him, gather him in your arms, even though he’s too big to fit in completely, but you knew that this was probably the last thing seungcheol wanted from you in that moment.

“why don’t you quit?”

seungcheol looked up to you, the sadness in his gaze so intense it made you look away, knowing you’re to blame for it. “you complain so much about it… the hours, the work, the boss, the people. why can’t you just leave?”

you breathed in, thinking over seungcheol’s words. “because… because i love doing what i do. i feel about law the way you feel about music. it’s just the environment that’s shitty. but it’s something… that’s mine. and the kind of opportunities i got at this firm… people just starting out, like me, don’t come by them very often usually.”

there was a pause as seungcheol mulled over your words. a part of you thought, hoped, that the way the conversation was going would lead to fixing things, but then seungcheol spoke up again, and you knew. there was no fixing, not anymore.

“i was yours, too. and i would’ve never chosen music over you.”

“you say that now, but if you were put in a situation where you had to choose, i don’t think you’d have as easy of a time as you say.”

“i guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.”

and that was the end of it.

three days after your unexpected reunion with seungcheol, you find yourself back at PLEDIS, ready to tackle jihoon’s case.

the morning had gone on normally enough, with people coming in to give their testimonies regarding jihoon, his work and their relationships with him. as expected, no one had come forward with any potentially harmful or negative remarks about him, everyone applauding him for his tireless dedication to the label and the artists he worked with, as well as marveling at his seemingly innate musical talent and creativity. this was no surprise to you; having known jihoon for almost as long as you’d known seungcheol, you witnessed first-hand jihoon’s mastery of his craft, on multiple occasions. and now, with all the information you had gathered in the past three hours since arriving at PLEDIS, you were starting to feel more confident about winning this lawsuit.

initially, you had no intention of taking on jihoon’s case. the previous weekend, when mr. moon had called you in, you arrived at the firm with your mind set on demanding a break. in the past months, you might as well have changed your home address to the office, seeing as you had been working non-stop on one case after another, pulling countless sleepless nights and taking on extra paperwork as favors to some of your coworkers. and after finding out what the case was actually about, you were even more adamant about turning it down. but all the excuses you offered mr. moon were effectively shut down, leaving you almost begging the man to pass the case to someone else.

before you could use your past relationship with the other in-house music producer working at PLEDIS as an excuse, mr. moon delivered the lowest of low blows. “you know, a high profile case like this could attract lots of new clients for the firm… and put you right on the track for senior associate.”

there was no use arguing anymore after that. moon knew how much you wanted that promotion, and you were honestly not surprised to see him using it against you in order to force you into doing whatever work he wanted you to. so you shut your mouth, took the case, and then went home and cried.

yes, you cried. moving on.

seeing seungcheol again, and unexpectedly so, definitely set you a few steps back in whatever emotional healing you had done in the past few months. and it definitely made you doubt your own abilities as a lawyer. if you couldn’t put aside your personal feelings and instead focus on helping a guy who was being wrongfully accused, were you even meant to practice the law? but you had worked far too hard and sacrificed far too much to let these thoughts cloud your judgment and confidence, so you told yourself that even if you had to be in seungcheol’s proximity for the foreseeable future, your main priority was winning this case. for jihoon, and for yourself.

of course, planning to ignore the obvious feelings you still harbored for your ex-boyfriend was way easier than actually ignoring them. now, as you were gathering your things to meet wonwoo in the conference room he was stationed in, you were also mentally preparing yourself for the off-chance that you would bump into seungcheol again. considering how your luck’s been going in the past few weeks, you think the chances are pretty high.

walking through the halls of PLEDIS felt oddly familiar, and yet strange at the same time. when you and seungcheol first started dating, the label was just starting out, carrying all its business in a measly two-story building on the outskirts of town. you felt a tiny knot forming at the back of your throat, thinking how crazy it was to have witnessed the immense growth that seungcheol went through as an artist and a person, and now, to be walking amongst the fruits of the labor of his work, and so many other people’s, who built the label from the ground up.

as you grow nearer to the conference room where wonwoo was most likely waiting for you, you suddenly catch a whiff of a scent all too familiar to you. musky notes of jasmine and bergamot fill your senses, and for a brief moment, you feel an almost supernatural pull urging you to follow the indistinguishable fragrance.

you know exactly where it leads. but now is not the time.

before you can push the door open and walk into the room, your phone’s screen lights up with a text message. ‘hey honey. can you call when you have the time? she’s not having a very good day…’

you sigh, before dialing your mom’s number.

four years ago

seungcheol always smelled divine.

over the years, you’d heard so many of your friends go on and on about their boyfriends’ perfumes, and how once they found the right scent, they could charm the pants off of them with just the smell of their cologne. to you, that idea seemed entirely far-fetched, because, after all, people aren’t dogs. who in their right mind would base their selection of a partner on something as feeble as smell? even more so, an artificial smell, that didn’t even last forever.

clearly, since a few weeks ago, you haven’t been in your right mind, because you swore there was nothing better in this world than the way seungcheol smelled.

all your friends kept telling you that they’d never seen you act like this before. the honeymoon phase of your relationship had hit you pretty hard, and you were completely smitten with cheol. his smile, his eyes, his dimples, his laugh, his hair, his charm… and his scent, you couldn’t get enough of him. and now, as you were making your way towards PLEDIS together, you couldn’t help but wish you could nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck and stay there forever.

it was your first time seeing where seungcheol worked. you had been wanting to see his studio ever since he had first told you about his job (and proved that he wasn’t one of those wannabe soundcloud rappers or whatever), but considering the label wasn’t exactly in a central location, getting there proved slightly difficult. not to mention that most days, your classes ran pretty late, and seungcheol shared his studio with jihoon, the other music producer at PLEDIS, which meant you couldn’t pop in whenever you had a window of free time, so as to not disturb them.

that night, however, seungcheol decided you deserved a break from your studies, and since your midterms were coming up, it might have been one of the last times you could afford to go out before getting swept up in the craziness of exam season. so after your last class of the day, seungcheol picked you up from campus and drove you outside of town, where PLEDIS stood.

“are you absolutely sure it’s alright for me to be here? i don’t want you to get in trouble with your… superiors, if that’s what you call them,” you said, walking up the stairs closely behind cheol.

“i already told you, it’s fine! besides, you’re not planning to steal any confidential information and spread it online, are you?” he teased, stopping in front of a door that you assumed was his studio.

“hmm, i don’t know… what makes you think i’m not secretly working for one of your competitors?”

seungcheol chuckled, shaking his head, before looking back at you. “oh, baby, you and i both know you like me too much to hurt me so,” he said, finally unlocking the door and letting you step inside.

well, he wasn’t wrong.

to most people, seungcheol and jihoon’s studio might not have looked like much. it held all the standard recording and mixing equipment one would expect to find there, along with personal touches from the boys, like pictures with their friends, some posters, a couple of cd racks, as well as a couch and two huge leather desk chairs. one the other side, inside the recording booth, you could see a keyboard, a couple of guitars, and a drum set, as well as some microphones, of course. to someone who’s never stepped foot in a recording studio before, like you, the place was amazing. and not just because cheol worked in there.

“i know it’s not a lot…” seungcheol mumbles, moving besides you, his arm stretched out in a way that said you could walk around.

your hands grazed the equipment on his desk, holding yourself back in fear of breaking something. “i like it, cheol. it’s homely, and cozy. definitely a good space to get those creative juices flowing,” you gave him a genuine smile, which you could tell instantly put him at ease from the way his shoulders visibly relaxed. he grinned at you, pulling up next to you by the sound board.

“you wanna see how the magic happens?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. you couldn’t help but groan, rolling your eyes.

“cheol, that was so cheesy… but yes, i do. please,” you said, giddy smiles taking over both of your faces.

“okay! come here,” he said, pulling you into his lap as he sat down in his desk chair. you felt your cheeks heat up at his actions, so natural and nonchalant, totally unaware of the effect he had on you. how could he be so oblivious, and quite literally torture you so? being so close to him now, his cologne starting to overpower your senses, you were sure to go dizzy.

“i’m gonna use one of the demos i have here, but for the record, i did not play anything for you while you were here, got it?” seungcheol said, opening an audio file on his laptop.

“yes, sir!” you gave him a wink, his ears turning red. cute.

for the next couple of minutes, seungcheol gives you a rundown on the soundboard, showing you what goes into recording and mixing a song, and even letting you play around with the different settings for pitch and autotune. even though it was all very interesting, nothing compared to just watching seungcheol’s excitement and passion while talking about music. every time your conversations would somehow turn towards music, his face would light up like a kid’s on christmas morning, his whole body animatedly gesturing while he rattled on about his favorite artists and composers, whatever new album came out that week, and even why a song with a good bass line is guaranteed to become a hit (yes, that was an actual discussion the two of you had once). seeing the obvious love he harbored for this art form made you ten times more enamored with him. you could already tell his passion and hard work were going to take him places, and you couldn’t wait to see it all.

“cheol? how did you know you wanted to do music?” you asked, turning to look up at your boyfriend.

“oh, wow, we’re going for the deep stuff, huh?” he laughed.

“you don’t have to share if you don’t want to, i was just curious… you always talk so passionately about it, i could just tell it means a lot to you.”

seungcheol sighed, leaning back into the chair. “it’s alright. i really don’t know how i got here, to be honest. i’ve always been interested in music, and found myself writing and experimenting with sound. one day, i just knew that i couldn’t really picture myself doing anything else. so i focused on that and worked my ass off, i guess.”

“well, clearly?! we’re sitting in your own studio! i’d say you’re doing pretty great,” you exclaimed, smiling at seungcheol’s blushing cheeks. “you should be proud of yourself, cheol, really.”

seungcheol can’t even look at you right now, too overcome with giddiness at the onslaught of compliments you’re suddenly throwing his way. instead, he shoves his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling a quiet ‘thanks.’

“is it hard to come up with new music?” you continue, playing with the strings of the hoodie he was wearing.

“hmm, it depends,” his voice is muffled, and you flinch at the ticklish feeling of his breath fanning on your neck. “there are days when i can put down a whole song and melody at once; sometimes it takes me weeks to be satisfied with a song i’m working on. but lately i’ve been feeling more… inspired than usual, so it’s been going pretty well.”

you turn your face towards him, a teasing smile stretching across your lips. “oh, really? how come?”

seungcheol returns your smile, his fingers pressing slightly harder into your skin where they sat on your waist. “just someone i met recently… they’re really nice and beautiful and funny and smart,” now it was your turn to grow shy, feeling your cheeks and chest grow warm at the implication of his words. “but i think jihoon is growing tired of all the ballads i’ve been writing.”

you both fall into a fit of giggles, your faces so impossibly close, your noses brush. “poor jihoon… whatever will he do?” you whisper, and before you can breathe in again, seungcheol’s lips fall against yours.

the air in your lungs dissipates in seconds. your entire body is ablaze, and you swear your hearing no longer registers the music playing from seungcheol’s laptop, instead becoming attuned to the sound of cheol’s soft sighs. you want this moment to last forever, to melt into his embrace, ingrain yourself into his very existence. his lips grow more and more fervent against yours, and you swear your mind goes blank, the only thought even going through your head in that moment a chant of his name. cheol, cheol, cheol, cheol…

later that night, once you’re home, getting ready for bed, you catch a whiff of seungcheol’s cologne again, the scents of his perfume imbued into your sweatshirt. you can’t help but smile like an idiot.

you didn’t wash that sweatshirt for a week after.

no matter how much seungcheol loved his friends, he couldn’t go on another second hearing jeonghan and joshua discuss whether they should choose lilies or hydrangeas for their wedding (because the good ol’ rose is too much of a cliche, apparently, according to joshua).

an exasperated sigh escaped him, his whole body slouching from the weight of the gloom he was carrying. jeonghan and joshua, who had been animatedly bantering over wedding preparations, suddenly go quiet, their heads snapping up to look at their friend. if this was a cartoon, they swore you would see a huge, gray cloud hanging above his head.

“alright, you gotta tell us what’s got you all pouty and gloomy, because this? this is just sad, cheol,” said joshua, gesturing at seungcheol’s crouched figure.

he sighed again, but straightened his back this time. the truth was, nothing particularly bad had happened today. but the day hadn’t gone as seungcheol had initially planned.

that morning, seungcheol had arrived at work determined to talk to you. seeing you again earlier that week had broken down the walls seungcheol had put up in the months following your breakup, and all the emotions he had tried pushing behind those walls – anger, sadness, frustration, yearning, love – were slowly, but surely, seeping back in. there was no point denying it anymore; seungcheol was not ready to let go just yet.

taking jihoon’s advice to heart, he decided to ‘grow some balls’ and initiate a discussion with you, one that you probably should’ve had before any of the shit that went down between the two of you could’ve gone down. seungcheol knew, deep down, that you were hiding something, and thought that once both of your cards were out on the table, you could either work on fixing what’s been broken, or you could both gain some closure and move on with your lives.

seungcheol was desperately hoping for the first option.

either way, whatever plans seungcheol had made were quickly put on hold when he arrived at his meeting and only found your colleague, jeon wonwoo, waiting for him in the conference room. he’d made himself look like an idiot, bluntly asking about your whereabouts, disappointment clear on his face at your lack of presence, which only got him an inscrutable look from wonwoo (who made a mental note to check in with you about this little outburst, for safety reasons). wonwoo hadn’t mentioned anything about you throughout the interview, which in retrospect, seungcheol realized, was more than normal, considering wonwoo probably had no idea that the two of you even dated before. if anyone at your firm would’ve known about your previous relationship, he imagines you wouldn’t even be here, working on this case. conflict of interest and all.

in the end, seungcheol had no idea whether you were even at PLEDIS at all, and didn’t even have time to ask around for you, having a number of recording sessions planned for the rest of the morning. it wasn’t until jeonghan called and invited him out for lunch with him and joshua, that seungcheol left his studio again. when his friends greeted him outside the restaurant they decided on, they held back from commenting on his sulky expression.

seungcheol didn’t tell them that he had half a mind to turn down their invitation when he heard where the couple wanted to meet. IL GRATO was your favorite place in town (you used to say because it was where seungcheol had taken you on your first date), and the restaurant held plenty of the many happy memories you and seungcheol had made over the years. obviously, seungcheol wasn’t particularly keen on revisiting them today, but he didn’t want to seem more pathetic than he already felt, so he shut up and pretended everything was fine.

that didn’t last long, evidently.

“why don’t you just call her? she’s obligated to answer, now that she’s working on jihoon’s situation, right? ask to schedule a meeting with her or something,” jeonghan said, sipping on his glass of prosecco.

“and what reason could i give her for a meeting? that jeon dude already asked me anything he could about jihoon, so i can’t use anything about the case,” seungcheol mumbled. “and saying i wanna discuss the clear unresolved feelings left between us is guaranteed to get her to hang up on me.”

joshua, who had been intently listening to seungcheol’s whines, suddenly perks up, grabbing seungcheol’s shoulder. “cheol, didn’t you mention jeon said he still had some interviews lined up after lunch time?”

seungcheol frowned. “yeah? what difference does it make?”

“well, dumbass, if Y/N was in fact at PLEDIS all this time, that means that she’s probably in one of the conference rooms on the same floor as him. and since most staff clock out at 5 p.m., i’d say you still have about half an hour to go back, find her, and talk to her. like you said you wanted,” joshua explained pointedly, giving seungcheol a look that screamed you have to do it or else i will hurt you.

joshua was right. how could he have been so stupid, to completely overlook what wonwoo had mentioned off-handedly at the end of their meeting. he hadn’t even considered the possibility that you and wonwoo had split up to cover more ground in collecting testimonies, and now he was at risk of completely missing his chance to see you, unless he hauled ass to PLEDIS immediately.

seungcheol shot up from his seat, quickly gathering his things and throwing his credit card on the table, before dashing for the front door. “you guys are the best! lunch is on me!” he shouted, before taking off running.

jeonghan and joshua look at each other, before bursting into giggles. jeonghan sighs, “i need them to resolve this issue before the wedding, really. i won’t be able to handle it if seungcheol mopes around during the whole ceremony.”

joshua cooed, rolling his eyes. “you simply can’t rush love, babe,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to his lover’s cheek.

jeonghan rolled his eyes, turning his attention to the spreadsheet full of wedding prep details laid out on the table. a mischievous glint gleamed in his eyes, as he turned to look at joshua. “so, my dear joshuji, how about lilies for the flower displays?”

“JEONGHAN, I SAID NO!”

nine months ago

when you and seungcheol arrived at IL GRATO, jeonghan and joshua were already inside, patiently waiting at the table they had booked for your party of four, wearing two oddly calm smiles on their faces.

to say you and seungcheol weren’t suspicious at all would be a lie.

jeonghan had called earlier that week to invite the two of you on a double date that weekend – which wasn’t unusual, since the four of you had been going on dates like these since forever  – but what had put you and seungcheol on edge was the ‘news’ jeonghan mentioned he and joshua had to share.

you and seungcheol had been going through a rough patch in the past two weeks, and this fact wasn’t unknown to your group of friends. the two of you were not the type to air out your dirty laundry, so for your friends to notice the growing tension between you meant that things were truly going badly. even though neither you or seungcheol had verbalized this to each other, you were both worried that tonight’s double date was just a cover up for an intervention, aimed to make you and seungcheol work through whatever it was bothering you two. jeonghan and joshua were seungcheol’s oldest and closest friends, and they never shied away from confronting seungcheol (and you, after you were welcomed into their friend group), especially when it came to his well-being, both physical and mental. you had been preparing your defense all week, just in case they decided to bring the situation up (and you also realized how desperately you needed a break from work).

after settling in and exchanging common pleasantries about your lives and work, the four of you put in your orders (jeonghan ordering the most expensive bottle of champagne on the menu, much to yours and seungcheol’s surprise), and after the waiter brought the drinks along, you decided to bite the bullet and ask the question that had been bothering you all week.

“so, you two said you had some news to share, right?”

jeonghan and joshua exchange a secretive look, and you only just notice the blush that seems to grace their faces. they looked like teenagers in love. you couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of envy.

“i guess there’s no reason to beat around the bush…” joshua said, looking again towards jeonghan.

“we’re getting married!” the other continues, leaning back into his seat to throw an arm around joshua, grinning from ear to ear.

silence falls over the table, as you and seungcheol drink in jeonghan’s revelation. you jump out of your seat, genuine excitement and joy overtaking you, as you walk around the table to hug and congratulate the two men. a string of high-pitched ‘oh my gods’ leave your lips, gaining the attention of a few other restaurant patrons, but you honestly couldn’t care less, too happy for your dear friends to pay attention to them.

as you make your way back to your seat, holding tightly onto joshua’s hand, you notice that seungcheol was eerily quiet, silently watching his friends, his eyes wide and unblinking. you lay a hand onto his arm, squeezing. “cheol… aren’t you going to say something?” you whisper.

that seems to snap him out of his daze, a gasp escaping him, before his hands come up to cover his face. you, joshua, and jeonghan exchange a concerned look, completely blindsided by seungcheol’s unexpected reaction, since he was as one of jeonghan and joshua’s loudest supporters (he had been betting on the two of them getting together since they were teenagers). but before either of you can say something else, seungcheol looks up, unshed tears swimming along his lash line.

“i’m sorry, i just…” he pauses, as if trying to find the right words. “i just can’t… believe… that neither of you told me! you traitors! you were planning to get engaged and i just find out at the same time as everyone else?” seungcheol pouts, his dramatics leaving the rest of you in tears.

“hey! what is that supposed to mean?” you tease, trying to calm your laughter down.

“no offense, baby, but me and the boys? we have history,” seungcheol winks, before turning back to his friends. “which means i should have priority to all life-changing news in your lives!”

the table falls into laughter once again, before jeonghan and joshua proceed to give you and seungcheol all the details he was claiming they had been keeping away from him. the rest of the evening goes like this, drinks and food shared around, and you almost forget about whatever problems your own relationship has been having, too busy reveling in the love radiating from the couple in front of you.

that night, on the drive home, you and seungcheol fall into comfortable silence, a first in the past weeks. you don’t know if it’s the buzz from the alcohol you drank, or the crooning voice of whatever singer was playing on the radio, but you can’t help but look over to seungcheol’s side, your eyes glancing over the side of his face. he was so handsome, cheeks blushed and hair messy from tonight’s laughter. you wanted to lean over and run the tips of your fingers over the edges of his face, pour everything you couldn’t say into just one touch. please forgive me, just trust me…

“what’s the staring for?” seungcheol speaks, and you whip your head around, looking out the window on your side.

“ah, i wasn’t staring!” you mumble, feeling your face grow hot. “was just thinking… about tonight.”

he smiles, briefly glancing your way. “me too,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

a beat passes before seungcheol speaks up again. “when we get married, what would you want our wedding to be like?”

your heart swells when you realize he said ‘when’ instead of ‘if,’ but you can’t help but tease him a little bit. “‘when?’ i haven’t even said ‘yes’ yet, cheollie,” you smirk, turning your face towards him again.

evidently, seungcheol catches onto your little joke, but he plays into it. “emphasis on ‘yet’, baby. now answer the question!”

“okay, okay,” you chuckle. “well, i think i’d like something small… just our closest family and friends… maybe somewhere outside the city, like in the countryside, something like that,” you say decidedly, already daydreaming about all the possibilities.

“what about the beach? i think a beach wedding would be so cool… do you think your mom would let us have it at her beach house?” seungcheol says, an excited glimmer evident in his eyes.

he completely misses how your face falls at the mention of your mother, but you quickly mask it by nonchalantly agreeing with him. “i don’t see why not, she would probably love that…”

the rest of the drive goes by fast, the two of you bantering over silly wedding things like flowers, color palettes, and music selection (obviously), before you finally arrive home. inside, you both move lazily, drunk on love – or the leftover champagne in your systems – slowly undressing, stealing kisses, exchanging giggles and tantalizing looks… for the first time in weeks, you feel a sense of peace cover you, a quiet voice in the back of your mind assuring you that everything was going to be alright, and you embrace the feeling, falling into seungcheol as he whispers sweet nothings into your ears.

just as you’re about to fall into bed, your phone starts ringing from the floor of the bedroom, and at first you ignore it, too caught up in the feeling of seungcheol’s mouth against you, but the noise is insistent, and cheol detaches from you with a groan, urging you to see who’s bothering you in the middle of the night.

seungcheol can’t see the name on your screen, but when you tell him it’s your mom, he motions for you to take the call – she wouldn’t call this late unless there was an emergency, after all – but much to his surprise, you shuffle to find a shirt to put on, before you leave the room to take the call. from the bedroom, he can only hear muffled snippets of your conversation, and the tone of your voice is too ambiguous for him to guess how the talk is going.

when you come back, he doesn’t bring up the fact that you’d never gone to another room to take a call before. ever.

as soon as the clock on the wall reads 5 p.m., you bring the final interview you had scheduled for the day to an end, and as you say your goodbyes to the woman from the marketing department, wonwoo walks into the conference room, struggling to balance a stack of papers in his hands. you rush towards him, picking up part of the papers.

“woah, are these all the testimonies from your part of the staff?” you question, marveling at the size of the stack wonwoo brought in.

“yeah, crazy, isn’t it? i still can’t believe so many people came forward for this guy,” wonwoo replies, setting down his shoulder bag on the table. his shoulders seem tense, a whole day sitting at a desk clearly taking a toll on him.

“well, he’s clearly appreciated. everyone who i talked with only had good things to say about him,” you say nonchalantly, flicking through the papers, trying to pretend like you weren’t already aware of jihoon’s stellar reputation. each piece of paper seemed to be a reformulation of what the previous person mentioned, everybody mentioning similar qualities and compliments regarding him.

after you and wonwoo go over the information you both collected today, making a game plan for the next steps that needed to be taken, you both gather your things to finally go home for the day, exhaustion setting in. although the day hadn’t been particularly stressful, the possibility of bumping into seungcheol had caused you much more anxiety than usual, and you honestly couldn’t wait to get out of here and finally be able to breathe normally.

as you wait for the elevator – which seems to be taking its sweet time, moving in slow motion to the seventh floor – you hear wonwoo mumble under his breath, before he lets out an “oh, fucking hell.” ever the proper gentleman, he catches himself, and swiftly apologizes for his choice of words.

you chuckle, waving your hand to dismiss his unnecessary apology. “what’s wrong?”

“i’m missing some documents… i think i left them in the room i was in this morning, i’ll go after them. you go ahead and get going, i don’t want to hold you back any longer,” he explains, already turning around to head for the conference room.

“are you sure? i don’t mind wa–”

“i’m sure! go, you deserve to rest,” he shouts, disappearing around the corner of the hallway.

you sigh, shaking your head, but appreciating the gesture nevertheless. the elevator bell dings, and the doors open to reveal an empty cabin. you breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful for the silence. you press the button for the ground floor, and close your eyes, leaning against the back wall of the elevator, hoping to ease the sting that came from staring into a computer screen for a whole day.

your peace and quiet is short-lived however, as the elevator only manages to go down to the sixth floor before stopping again. you sigh, preparing yourself for the onslaught of tired employees who were most likely rushing to get home as well. however, when you open your eyes, there’s only one other pair staring into yours, and you feel all the air inside your lungs dissipating, leaving you breathless.

seungcheol is standing in front of you, wearing an equally speechless look on his face. the two of you stare at each other, almost as if you’re scared to move, in fear of disrupting the karmic force that brought this moment upon you even more. you wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole, feeling completely unprepared for this situation. you’d thought you were finally out of the woods, that you’d be able to go home in peace and not think about the case, about cheol, about anything anymore, at least for tonight.

clearly, the universe had other plans for you.

seungcheol seems to snap out of his daze when the doors of the elevator start to close again, his arm shooting out to stop them and finally stepping inside. as the doors close behind him and the elevator resumes its course downwards, you suddenly feel like the cabin is ten times smaller than it was a few moments ago, your body instinctively moving to one of the corners of the elevator. seungcheol naturally takes over the corner opposite from you, and you can feel his eyes on you with every step he takes.

you can’t fucking breathe, and you can’t believe he still has such a hold over your body.

“hi.”

“hi.”

you both say it at the same time, and under different circumstances, the two of you might’ve erupted in giggles at the coincidence. in this moment, however, the tension between you is so palpable, it’s almost constricting.

“how’s jihoon’s case going?” seungcheol asks, and you feel almost grateful for him taking the initiative to fill the silence.

“it’s good, yeah. we had a productive day, gathered a lot of info,” you say, clearing your throat. why were you being so goddamn awkward?

seungcheol nods, humming, silence filling the space once again. you dared to sneak a glance in his direction, noticing his furrowed brows and pursed mouth. four months could not erase everything you learned about cheol in four years, and you immediately recognized his ‘i’m trying to find the right words’ look. you sigh, knowing exactly what’s inevitably coming, so you decide to put seungcheol out of his misery.

“seungcheol,” you say, voice barely above a whisper. your eyes meet in the quiet of the elevator. “just ask me. just ask me what’s bothering you. at this point, should we even beat around the bush with each other anymore?”

seungcheol opens his mouth, then decides against it. he shakes his head, sighing, before looking back at you. “i’m not ready to let go yet,” he murmurs.

your voice trembles as you try to keep your tears at bay. “cheol… why are you doing this? i mean, why are you doing this to yourself?! things haven’t been working out between us for months, and i– i was terrible to you! you should let me go, why can’t you just… leave me alone?”

seungcheol’s eyes widen, an almost crazed glint appearing behind them. “leave– leave you alone? are you fucking kidding me?” his voice rises in volume, as he takes a few steps closer. “i can’t leave you alone, because i gave you four years of my fucking life, yeah? and in those years i learned all there is to know about you. unless everything you’ve ever told me was just an act, i’ve learned how to tell when you’re lying, and i’ve learned how to tell when you’re struggling, and you know what? you’re doing both right now!”

your hands start shaking, frustration bubbling inside your chest. “i don’t need you looking out for me, alright? i can take care of myself! and i’m fine, for your information!”

“bullshit! you’re not fine, and you know why? because for three years, everything was perfectly fine with us, and then all of a sudden last year, something happened, yeah? i don’t know what exactly, because you won’t fucking tell me, but something happened that made you squeamish around me, distant, paranoid, and– and careless! you stopped caring about me, about us!”

“i didn’t stop caring!”  you croaked, your throat raw from holding back your tears. seungcheol’s eyes softened slightly at the sight of your tears finally let loose on your cheeks. “i just… i…”

seungcheol closes the last of the distance between you, standing right in front of you now. “Y/N… baby… if you’re in some sort of trouble, please… just tell me. there’s nothing you could say that could scare me or drive me away. i know you can take care of yourself, but you don’t have to! please, just… no more lies, please…”

your eyes meet his, the sincerity and love swimming in them bringing even more tears to your eyes. you could just tell him right now, let everything that’s been weighing down on you for the past year spill out all at once… but you can’t. you would never forgive yourself to come in between seungcheol and his work, his dreams… your burdens couldn’t be his burdens. you just can’t allow it.

“cheol… i ca–”

“okay, i need you to take five steps away from her, or i will physically remove you, hyung. no matter that you are older and stronger than me,” comes a voice from your right. in your fight-induced stupor, neither you nor seungcheol had realized that the elevator had reached the ground floor, the doors opening to reveal one of your favorite people on earth.

thank god for boo seungkwan.

[beatcroc]

updates on doombox wahoo

the main box here is scrap bc it's too flimsy to use as a final, but i went ahead and made finals of most of the little fiddly bits. the final main box will still be the same dimensions and i got a bigass watermelon bin for extra sturdy cardboard so this one's really just a prototype to figure out the cuts and fitting and whatnot. hands are gonna have regular like plush stuffing between the foam chunks to smooth the joints out, as well as around elswhere wherever it needs the volume. im using plastic garbage bags to map out the shapes/pattern for the fabric covering but it looks like shit so it's not here. also i am very afraid of trying to figure out the thumb shapes specifically

most of the rest of this just going to be me having to accept that my shoulders aren't like 3 fuckin feet wide to be able to do his build properly, and thus figuring out how to adjust the base design in a way that doesn't completely wreck his vibe, while ALSO retaining some manageable level of mobility. ive already given up on being able to raise my arms straight up :'^) anyway some mockup sketches of what it's probably going to look like in practice

things i am still unsure about. the waist piece. lotta joints there and again i need to be able to Sit so it can't be anything too stiff or Damageable. ideally i would also not like to have my ass out as well.

additionally. attaching things To the waist piece. and also attaching the arm speaker grate things.

thirdly. the jacket is really going to be puzzling. I Could do it the proper canon way where it just hugs the head/body mass of course, but having my arms come mostly from the bottom makes the shape trickier, especially regarding the sleeves. beyond that though I want to see about messing with its shape/fit to help the proportions seem a little better; If you really look at his design, the boombox part is like, deceptively small, and that jacket is pulling s surprising amount of weight for making him look bulky and top-heavy, so I'm hoping to exaggerate it to make him feel properly Huge.

and last i would love to put an actual speaker on there somewhere. i cannot be dressing up as a giant evil stereo and not play schnasty obnoxious jams. it's really just an issue of being able to control it; there's certainly plenty of room in this thing to just strap a bluetooth to it otherwise.

[angelbambisworld]

I saw these cool orbs and knew I had to incorporate magical orbs into Glam Metal Heart somehow.

Trouble is, idk who to give them to. I have a few ideas tho...

1. Cinderella(Cuz yknow, fairy tale motifs and whatnot. Their whole villain backstory is that after Cinderella became inactive, they lost their magic powers and they were kinda angsty about that and their inability to be as big as other glam metal bands. And then in 2021, Jeff LaBar died and that just added more angst to the angsty emotional dumpster fire.

And then Traci Michaelz from Peppermint Creeps(I'll elaborate on his role in the story in another long post but TL;DR he came back from the dead because "GRRR I died before my time UGH all these other bands that came before and after me are alive and well RAWWWR I'll show them!" Something like that)shows up and is like "Now this looks like a job for me." and does some evil magic bullshit to help give Cinderella back their powers and bring Jeff LaBar back from the dead.

But Traci's magic(And the magical orb too, if I decide to give the band one)corrupts the band, turning them evil.

2. Michael Monroe(He's got crystal powers in this AU and the battle between him and Angel take place in an crystal-like setting, so I see no reason why he shouldn't have a very cool crystal ball of his own)

3. Steel Panther(They're basically evil wizards in this AU. I'm sure there's a ball joke I could make here.)

4. Vinnie Vincent(He's a pretty princess and he deserves all the pretty orbs in the world and a pretty little castle to lock Angel away in...Oops, I'm spoiling his chapter, aren't I?)

5. Blackie Lawless(As per my last update, I'm still keeping Blackie in my AU but he won't be joining the main cast. I think it'd be funny for him to watch them from his crystal ball and be like "Oooh I'm gonna destroy them oooh I'm so evil!" Or something dumb like that lol)

Tagging: @peanutbutter-doodles @ravenh37 @ladyshandioftheendless @spacedoutman @gh0stfl0ra

[simonsrosebud]

ik I'm late to the party but omg.... abram boyd.... I'm sobbing that's so sweet 😭😭 pls tell me more about them

AHHH THANK YOU I LOVE HIM

Abram has certified protective big brother energy, but since he isn’t a big brother this goes to his girl friends at college instead. Palmetto is a safe campus, but he (and Elliot by association) still always end up getting their girl friends back to the dorms safely no matter what. I’m talking if two of their friends are fucked up before he even gets there he will leave the bar 10 minutes in just to get them home and then come BACK. (this is based on my sisters friend at lsu and it’s so wholesome)

Abram’s relationship with Neil is interesting bc he’s growing up as Neil is traveling in the pros in his late 20’s. However, Neil visits whenever it’s convenient and once he gets in the groove of this whole godfather thing he treats Abram like he’s his uncle bc he sees how Andrew is with Aaron’s girls. He keeps up with his schedule when he starts playing little leagues and makes Dan send pictures. She sends first day of school updates and a picture of a little Abram missing his two front teeth.

Abram gets a Josten Court jersey and wears it until it stinks. He gets new ones when he outgrows them. By his third one Matt gets him a huge one to grow into as a grown man. He does indeed grow into it.

Neil sends him post cards with a little letters written inside when he’s 4 and Abram loves it so much that Dan facetime’s Neil like 2 weeks after he got the first one but it’s just Abram’s face all up in the camera. “When will I get anover wetter, uncle Neil?” “Oh!” instant delight “It must still be in the mail, buddy, but just keep an eye on the mailbox, okay?” “Okay… do you wanna see your wetter?! I put it on my wall, uncle Neil!”

Neil is the first to start calling him B, firstly bc calling someone else Abram is something he has to get used to. Secondly because Abram acknowledges it as Neil’s nickname and stubbornly doesn’t let anyone else call him it.

Matt retires from exy at like 32 when Abram is 3. Matt’s exy team loyalties lie where his friends are at, so Matt, Jace, and Abram make it a thing to watch every game. Abram can’t keep track of Neil is and gets frustrated by it. Matt mentions it while laughing, two games later Neil has the butt of his stick wrapped in orange. After that Abram keeps saying, “Ope, there’s uncle Neil again …. There’s- I see orange, Daddy! …. There he goes again! …. Look! Uncle Neil!!”

Andrew may have been the one humanizing Neil, but Abram is the one who softens him.

Abram used to hold onto Addie or Annie’s hands and just follow them around at Fox reunions, which got more frequent throughout the years and is why/how the fox kids all got close.

Abram plays minecraft but just creative mode. He likes adventure or sports videogames while his brother likes Call of Duty and whatnot.

BIG lego kid until he’s like 14.

As a teenager, Abram and Neil text so much and talk on the phone a lot. About exy, about French help bc he’s learning it in school, about some fantasy show that Abram somehow got Neil into, about sports and college applications and when he can come visit again. And then about who these new kids in Neil’s house are and are they gonna stay a while? should we add them to the cousin gc? hey how’s elliot doing? and hey can you send me elliot’s number? and if i’m doing all this hard work to keep the strikers away the least our strikers could do is do something with the ball i keep getting to them, anyway, are you guys bringing blake and elliot to thanksgiving? i’m excited to meet them. and i know ur gonna be weird if i ask you about guys but im pretty sure i have a crush on one and im kinda freaking out and im scared to tell my parents and-

Matt is so loving when he comes out to him and Dan, hugging Abram really tight and just telling him he loves him and he’s so proud of him and Abram cries a little.

The first time he kisses a boy (bc crushes are only from afar) it’s freshman year of college and it’s because he starts looking at Elliot too often for too long and needs to get that shit out of his head bc that’s his best friend.

Abram has lunch with Dan like twice a month because she tries to stay out of his hair since she’s the exy coach at PSU.

When he and Elliot get together he finds he loves to wrap Elliot up in his clothes.

Elliot goes to all of his home games with their friends and cheers obnoxiously. Abram loves it. He also… fucks Elliot while he wears his soccer jersey.

He is definitely a gentle giant, but once he and Elliot get together he throws that boy AROUND in the bedroom.

there’s a lot more about him but i hope that’s good for tonight hehe

[starmocha]

So the theory I had in simplest terms (which I’m significantly less confident about now after rewatching chapter 2 lmao), was that each time MC was forced to die by the Gaia researchers, it created the alternate timelines of each LI—their “myths” if you will, except for the myths for the current timeline (like Captivating Flavor). Potentially a testament to how many times MC was forced to die.

There’s literally specific rooms in the old Gaia building designated for Xavier, Zayne, and Rafayel from their alt timelines, plus a research team for each one. Potentially Sylus too, but tbh bc his name isn’t there I doubt they know of him and MC, and I definitely think we would’ve seen her say if Sylus had a room too. AWBFJSFJS anyway that’s the theory feel free to roll with it or dissect it and prove me wrong with info so I don’t look silly anymore haha.

Also something is telling me that current MC was supposed to be Sylus’s MC (if that makes sense), but when she was lost to the Deepspace Tunnel when they got separated, her body may have been destroyed, forcing her power to have her be reborn in the Collision Chamber (or in the research center in general)—and now that she’s been “reborn,” she’s no longer (technically) Sylus’s. Bc the chamber was probably the one place her power could resonate properly to reconstruct her body, since the chamber was essentially (from what I understand) reverberating energy to recreate that endless supply for immortality.

… This got really fucking long 😂 Anyway feel free to correct me on anything with info u have or disperse any of what I just typed out with ur own theories and whatnot lmao bc I need clarity on what just happened in this update 😵‍💫 Also atp I’m gonna skip every banner bc if Raf is supposed to be getting a third myth then Sylus probably will too and I’ve gotta save my diamonds for my dragon heehee *inhales delulu gas* 🥰 I’m gonna be so mad if we don’t get a myth of MC and Sylus in them fighting in the Interstellar Arena

No, I think this theory is very interesting! I really want to go back and revisit all mentions and side stories related to this period of MC's life. The recent chapters have definitely highlighted how truly horrifying and inhumane this lab is, and with the reveal of those specific doors, it opens up so many more questions.

With Sylus, it reminds me of this link one of my mutuals just shared. Honestly, when I finished reading Sylus' chapters, I was not expecting that scene of them together as children. It just makes everything related to his earlier meetings with her so much sadder. It also explains why he's so hopelessly devoted and smitten with her. 🥺

Honestly, I'm still processing everything and trying to make sense of what we know so far. I haven't had theories of anything yet other than perhaps Dawnbreaker might just be a persona Zayne had unconsciously developed as a coping mechanism for the trauma he had experienced at 12. If that's the case, then it feels like he won't truly have peace and full control of his EVOL until he learns to accept Dawnbreaker as part of him and for what he is/represents: a more brutal side of Zayne.

[wjhik]

I'm Not Going Anywhere (Trent Alexander-Arnold) *Smut*

A/N: just so this doenst get too confusing. Y/N has a younger twin and an older brother. She is 25. She has a 24 year old and a 21 year old brother.

Y/N's POV:

Trent and I's families have known each other forever. Our parents got to know each other in college and have been friends ever since. They made it a point to always stay together, moving into the same neighborhood and eventually raising their kids together. I have been able to get on with the Alexander-Arnolds relatively well, but we've never been too close. My brothers are very close with them, having similar interests and being similar ages to all 3 boys. Being around all 7 boys, 4 being my brothers, was a hard environment to grow up in, so when I went away to uni, I was able to really find myself.

I haven't seen my family in a little over a few years. With quarantine and getting stuck in the U.S., far away from my home in LIverpool, and also getting stuck in finals and whatnot, I haven't been able to come back home. I just graduated from law school after getting my bachelors, and my family traveled to come see me for my ceremony. I finally got to go back home, just to find out that my family has a trip to Southern France with Trent and his family. I don't mind, but I was quite looking forward to going back to my hometown.

"Y/N, cheer up. You'll have fun." My mum tries to console me. "Mama, I'm fine. I just don't exactly want to spend my summer with 7 boys who tortured me my entire childhood." I tell her. "Oh, please. I didn't push YOU down the stairs." My little brother says. "You took my KitKat! You deserved it." I tell him. He scrunches my face and sticks his tongue out like a kid, despite being 24, only a year younger than me.

I walk into the beach chalet that my parents AirBNBed for the month. I set my very heavy bags down at the door and sit down on the large couch. I reach for the remote and turn on the T.V. and log into my Netflix account. "Y/N, go pick a room." My dad tells me, walking into the house with his many bags. I quickly walk to him and take his bags from him. I set them down. "Let the boys choose first. I'm sure all of them are fine." I tell him. "Just go choose before Michael and his family arrive" He tells me. I walk upstairs to take a look at the bedrooms. I choose the one that is quite small, but has a large balcony, giving me a chance to smoke in peace. It has ceiling to floor windows and an amazing view. Once I choose, I walk downstairs. "Max, can you help me with my bags?" I ask my twin. "Fuck no. Help yourself." He says. Why do these guys insist on being so difficult?

"I got them." I see Trent standing there, smiling at me. I walk down the stairs and give Trent a big hug. "How've you been?" He asks me. "I've been alright. Missed you lot." I say, hugging the rest of his family. I chat with his mum and dad a little bit, catching up with them and updating them. I'm interrupted by Trent asking me where I'm staying. I grab the bags I can and he grabs the rest and I guide him to my room. "Didn't you get first choice?"  Trent asks, looking at the small room I'm staying in. "It's got a balcony." I say, shrugging my shoulders. "Hmm. You're still smoking? Thought you would grow out of it, to be honest." He says. Trent was well aware of my 'wild' lifestyle as a teenager. There had been countless times that I had called Trent after getting far too high or drunk, too afraid of receiving a lecture from my parents or brothers. I laugh at Trent's statement and thank him for helping me with my bags.

Trent and I go downstairs and help our siblings and parents settle in. Evening time rolls around and we're all chilling in our designated rooms. Knock. Knock. Knock. "Yeah?" I say, laying on my stomach on my bed. My door creaks open. "Hey. Dinner's gonna be here in a little." Trent tells me. "Oh. Yeah, alright." We ordered some pizza, all too tired to cook. "You wanna come in?" I ask, getting up. Trent walks in and shuts the door behind him. I grab a pack from my side table along with a lighter. I walk out to the balcony, Trent following behind me.

I cup the cigarette with my hand and light it. I take a puff from it and blow it, in the opposite direction of Trent. "So, where've you been lately?" Trent asks me. I give Trent an update on my life. Him and I spent a lot of time, chatting the sun away. "Hey! Food's been here for a while! C'mon then." Marcell interrupts our conversation. Trent gives me his hand and helps me up. We walk, side by side, to the kitchen table, where our families are taking their fair share of food.

"I am stuffed. I think we're going to call it a night." My dad says, rubbing his stomach. He helps my mom up and they go upstairs, to their designated bedroom. "I think I'm quite tired as well. Goodnight, kids." Mr. Arnold says. His wife follows after him shortly after. "Finally, we can do something fun." My youngest brother who is 21 says. He walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge. He takes out a very suspicious looking brown paper bag. "So, who's down to get shit faced?" He says, taking a smuggled, in secret from our parents, bottle of tequila. "And you guys think I'm the bad one." I say.

"Listen, I'm just saying. Who's to say that Gargamel isn't actually the good guy?" My very intoxicated brother slurs his words. "He killed the smurfs!!" Marcell adds. "What? No one killed anyone. It's a kids movie." Trent says. "But, he has a point! Maybe he's just misunderstood." I chime in. "What is with you and thinking people are misunderstood? First Captain Hook. Now Gargamel." Trent replies, taking a sip of his beer. "Hey, some people just need a little slack sometimes." I say, shrugging my shoulders.

"Alright, I'm going to call it a night." Tyler says, following Marcell and 2 out of 4 of my brothers. "Yeah, I'm pretty tired, too. And I think this one has had enough as well." Max says, grabbing my brother and taking him to bed, leaving me alone with Trent. I pick up the bottle off the table and take a large swig out of it. "I've missed you, Mr. Hotshot." I say, being slightly hostile and breaking our silence. "Hey, I didn't leave to go to New York, did I?" He tells me. I ignore him and grab a cig and lighter. "Your mum's not gonna be too happy, you know." He jokes, trying to lighten the mood a little. "You could've called." I tell him, reopening the subject. "Could say the same for you." He tells me, bitterly. "I did! But all I could reach was 'please try again later' or your assistant telling me that you're too busy for me. That shit hurt, Trent." I tell him, the alcohol and tobacco in my system making me open up. "Let me make it up to you." Trent says. "How?"

~

"Fuck, Trent. That feels amazing." I moan very quietly, struggling to keep my voice down. Whether it was the alcohol in my system or my lack of dick, I let Trent in. I refused to let anyone in after my ex, but I let him in. I've always had a thing for Trent, but I convinced myself it was wrong. I felt as though I didn't know him well enough, or at least that's what I tried to convince myself. I know him well enough to let him eat me out of our family home for the month.

Trent stops his teasing on me, hearing a noise from upstairs. "Let's go to your room." He tells me. I sit up and he helps me put my panties on. Trent is sharing a room with Marcell. I'm the only one that has a room all to myself. Trent quickly shuts the door behind me and presses me against the door. He kisses me and I kiss him back. He moans into my mouth and puts his hands on my waist. He guides me through the room and lays me down on the bed. I take off my clothes as he impatiently unbuckles his jeans. "I can't wait anymore." He says, taking off his underwear. His hard dick springs out and hits his lower stomach. I knew he was big, but never did I think he was THAT big.

I lightly stroke over his tip, collecting some of his precum in my hand, and stroke him. He pushes my hand away and grabs his own dick. He reaches for a condom in his jean's pocket and rolls it on himself. He puts his dick at the entrance of my pussy. "Ready?" He asks me, leaning down for one more kiss. I nod and push up into him. He fully pushes into me and starts moving in and out. "You feel fucking amazing, princess." I feel butterflies in my stomach. Whether that is from the nickname or my nearing orgasm, I don't know, but It feels  good regardless. Trent continues fucking me. I wrap my arms around his neck and start kissing his neck. I move his hands away from the headboard and put them on my lower stomach, he pushed down and my eyes roll to the back of my head, my pleasure increasing. "Wait. Hold on." He says, coming to a complete stop. He grabs a pillow and puts it behind the headboard, muting the sound.

He continues fucking and giving me praises. I suck and lick and bite on his neck as I feel my orgasm approach. I bite down on his shoulder as I cum. He cums into the condom and pulls out. He takes it off and ties it up. He throws it into the garbage and grabs a tissue from the side table. He cleans me up and lays down next to me. I'm laying down, facing away from him. He slings his arm over me. Within a matter of minutes I hear snoring from behind me. I nuzzle back into him and close my eyes.

~

I open my eyes to see Trent at the foot of my bed, putting on his pants. I blink a few times and rub my eyes. I see him get up and walk towards the door. Is he leaving? "Trent?" I ask him. He looks back at me, nothing in his eyes. "Where are you going?" I ask him. "Y/N, you and I both know you mean nothing to me." How could he say that? After everything we spoke about yesterday. "What?" I say, unable to process this. "You were a good fuck, but nothing more. Besides, why would I want to be with someone like you?" He says. Someone like me. I feel unable to say anything as he walks out of the door.

~

I wake up in a fit of my tears to see Trent asleep next to me. Unable to calm my breathing, I stand up and walk outside the balcony. I grab my box of cigarettes and lighter I left out here yesterday and struggle to light it due to my shaking hands. I eventually get it lit and take a deep breath of the smoke into my lungs. Trying to stop my tears, I look back at Trent who is supposed to be laying in my bed, but isn't anymore. My eyes go wide as I start crying more. "Hey. Hey. I'm here. What's wrong?" Trent says. He was standing right behind me. He comes up to me and gives me a hug and a kiss on my forehead. "I mean something to you, right?" I ask him. He wipes the tears from my eyes and says, "Of course you do. I wouldn't have done this if you didn't mean anything to me." He's crouching down on the floor in front of me. I let out a sigh of relief and pull him into another hug. "What happened?" He asks me, rubbing my back. "Don't worry, I'm alright. Just stay with me." I tell him. "I'm not going anywhere, princess."

Wattpad: funkyfishfeet

DM for requests

[blobmanwhotries]

I wanted to reblog the og post and add the speedpaint there but ig Tumblr doesn't let you do that

It's here instead now ig, for those who want to watch (3 min.)

Notes, ramble, and fanfic updates under the cut

Video time: 3 minutes.

Total time: ~5 hours, 17 minutes.

App: IbisPaintX (ugly ass water mark in the corner).

Device/Tool: My phone and finger.

-

I like this speedpaint a lot. You can see how I improve and change things throughout the piece. I wish you could see just how much I use that undo button though - that button is my savior.

The starting sketch DOES belong to me. I want to make that abundantly clear (I use a lot of outside references sometimes). If I use an outside reference and it is in the final product (as in I use other art as reference), I will give credit if I can. The reaper picture next to it is not mine and belongs to the Subnautica devs.

-

Process (kinda):

1) Using a sketch makes this SO MUCH EASIER. It's a pain in the ass but jfc it's faster than trying to digitally sketch with your finger

2) Blah blah blah rough outline whatever

3) I swear I know how to use the paint bucket tool yall, that would've made shit so much easier, but there were gaps and i couldn't figure out where they were so my background kept turning fucking blue

4) SO PROUD OF THE BLUE TO RED FADE MARKINGS ON THE ARMS. I USED THE ERASER TOOL FOR THAT.

5) Realized the blue was too bright and i need to tone it down - tried to keep it from looking like the blue water was making him (the character) blue

6) i cant remember when the reaper reference is added it just lowkey appears

7) i wasn't trying to shade but i kinda did with the way i outlined some of his torso

8) color gradient for texture

9) scars. Tried to add more texture to the scars by adding color but i hated it.

face: his dad

(right) arm: small fish (biter? bleeder? unsure)

(right) axillary zone: prolly another reaper

(left) hip area: small fish (unsure)

front of the pelvis (kinda): scratch (prolly a claw)

(right) lower than hip zone: small fish (unsure)

10) at some point i added texture to the dorsal fin???

11) adjusting the face

12) turn off the lineart layer

13) While working on the lighting and shading (that wack white box and purple shit? yeah) I realized that I'm gonna need help figuring it out - I got on the floor behind one of the couches in my living room and tried mimicking the pose and realized that the anatomy was all fucked up and I had to fix it 💀💀💀

14) properly work on shading (kinda, still looks wack)

15) blend that shit (lowkey liked it better before) but thats fine

And there we go, you got urself a reaper Jeremy

-

I plan on working on Viktor next - might do chris first tho. I'm not sure yet. I still have other things to draw (and write, for that matter).

I'm currently working on getting a lot of my lore straightened out. I'm also trying to make character sheets for me to reference and use to write headcanon drabbles n whatnot. The world-buliding is genuinely crazy -

I mean, I made three OCs just so I could build up Chris' experience in the mafia, and that's not including Jubi. There's about 20 characters I have to write things for, and that's not taking the missing children (which is ALSO about 20) into consideration. I also have other AUs which really messes with the timeline.

All in all, I've been slowly working on more stuff to post in my oneshot book. Since I've thought about him the most, Scott's almost done. I believe Viktor will be done soon too.

-

Anywho, if you've made it to the end lf this, thanks. I like being able to post random thoughts and ideas I have, even if I know not everyone will read or engage with it.

As always, ask box is open - feel free to drop a note or smth in there. Have a fantastic day/night.