#stopthatfool goes crazy and explodes

[stopthatfool]

i know he snores like a fucking beast. i know it wakes everybody up. and i know he falls asleep in a matter of seconds. so you can't even fall asleep before him. you can't beat him. honk shoooo honk shooo head ass. i want him fucking dead. tucking him in bed all nice and warm as i type this.

[stopthatfool]

This EATS! Literally. Like it’s eating me alive it’s so good. The boots… the watch… the “yes I do bite” patch… Goose up in the model plane (I’m crying you’ve killed me).. the terminals spelling “ACE”.. Ice’s big hands, the arm hair!! You’ve done it again, Woodsy.

Coming Home (to you!)

[stopthatfool]

thinking about twink maverick and wondering how people think he’s a twink. genuinely. I look at these images and see, while yes a short man, a man who is also muscular and probably weighs a ton in pure muscle

If he’s a twink then everyone in that movie is a twink. and i dont think that’s correct.

According to wikipedia, this is what they say twinks are:

So let’s break this down.

1. Late teens to twenties

Sure. Maverick is in his twenties. But only looking at age would technically make me a twink so whatever. Let’s move on.

2. Slim to average physique

Maverick does not have an average physique. That man is built. He is in peak physical condition. He doesnt just sometimes work out, he is actively working out. Look at his arms! His trapezius! Those muscles are clearly developed and strong! In certain uniforms, his waist appears smaller, but that’s what the flight suit does to all silhouettes. Maverick is built like a brick, yes with hips, but he’s not little. He’s short of course, but he’s not small. He’s not lithe, he is muscular, he is BUILT! Look at the left bottom picture. Look at how rectangular. Look at how NOT lithe he is. Look at how not skinny he is. Like come on now.

3. Youthful/feminine appearance

While he is extremely youthful looking as Tom Cruise always appears, i disagree that tom cruise/maverick in Top Gun looks feminine. But that’s not to say that tom cruise has never appeared feminine or twink-like in any way. Legend (1985) is an example of his twink and feminine abilities. But for maverick i would argue that he looks very masculine. Boyish, which some argue is another visual feature for twinks, but not feminine (in my humble opinion).

4. Little to no body hair

To think that maverick has no body hair is just maverick unibrow erasure and i wont stand for it. But seriously. While tom cruise was waxed and oiled up for top gun, this is also happy trail erasure. I will now provide proof.

One of them is from mission impossible but um idc. It’s proof that Maverick HAS body hair, both around his chest and in … lower areas… but Maverick is not hairless enough to be a twink, especially because he doesnt fall into the other necessary categories to excuse/ignore his body hair.

5. (Kind of a half point because not all definitions and understandings of the word twink align with this) but it seems a lot of modern connotations of the word twink are parallel to exclusively bottoming

See here the most popular definition of the word twink on urban dictionary. I dont think that Maverick exclusively bottoms. Maverick FUCKS too. Like it’s not just Ice doing the fucking. Like Mav fucks. He fucks, guys you dont understand he fucks.

Therefore, Maverick, in my opinion, is not a twink. He is Maverick. The end.

[stopthatfool]

Bert and Ernie or whatever.

[stopthatfool]

also what are some of your favourite mav headcanons? Or just thoughts about top gun in general your opinions are so correct

another one! YAAAAAAA! thank u cal i will now yap. (warning all my headcanons stick really close to canon and aren't very like.. "fun." they're more or less just crazed character analyses)

thinking about THE mav is not a twink post i made like a month ago. i saw someone call it the "twink mav discourse" and honestly it's my magnum opus. my friend took a pic of me holding up a sign that said "I started top gun tumblr discourse" it was great.

other than that, I definitely think mav has adhd. I mean that's how i write his thought processes at least. I always think of him skipping over words when reading, not due to "inattention" but just because he's eager to get to the point, or he just automatically thinks the smaller words are less important, therefore can be skipped. (I do this all the time. I'm really terrible at reading out loud because of it.) Plus the classic mav acting without thinking is straight out of the adhd diagnosis. and the "appearing to be unable to listen to or carry out instructions."

That being said, i don't think mav would ever consider himself to have adhd or even think of it as an option. I'm very much on that "mav and ice are middle aged men who were in the military during the reagan administration therefore they definitely have some questionable beliefs and understandings of the world because and the environment of which they were trained." like mav is the type of guy to be like "ok you have adhd, that's fine i guess. but I don't. what r u talking about. like sure all these symptoms apply to me but i am the outlier i don't have a disability." Same with Ice and him reading all the OCD symptoms, my guy would literally just take it as proof that he's a really good soldier and further perpetuate his own OCD habits (no, ice! don't do that same movement over and over again until it feels right! ur spiraling ice! someone help him!)

I also have lots of feelings of how Ice and Mav would/wouldn't show physical affection. like i don't think they hold hands in public and I think it's a mix of DADT, internalized homophobia, and honestly wanting to keep their relationship as private as possible (which one could argue is another effect of DADT and simply being queer and in the american military in the 80s. like how did they not kill themselves, they're stronger than me). idk this is already getting long and convoluted so i will now stop.

[stopthatfool]

is this even anything

[stopthatfool]

more silly little headcanons (yeehaw!)

ice is the type of guy who uses a lot of “...” when he texts people. mav could be like “what time do you get back from work” and ice would text back: “16:30...”

what are you hiding, why are you being so mysterious, what are you contemplating. what are you thinking about...

or alternatively--

mav: what should we have for dinner tonight

ice: there are leftovers in the fridge... or we could order takeout... 

ok weirdo...

[stopthatfool]

headcanon yippee!

mav was one of those kids in school that like chewed on a pen until it exploded, like scrapped knees galore and hair in his eyes. someone plz give that boy a haircut he cant see, someone help him he’s bumping into poles and is bulldozing through students in the hallways. 

ALSO he took forever at the water fountain and kids behind him would go “One, two, three, that’s enough for me!” and he would just lose it RAHHHHHHH

ice was one of those kids that would try to pick up as many chairs when a teacher said “i need a big strong boy to help me put away all the chairs!” like ugh show off i bet he did all his homework too 

[stopthatfool]

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw Elliott Smith listener

[stopthatfool]

You said don't get you started on Ice's helmet or you'll be mean... please be mean. Please be mean to him. What is so disastrous about his helmet design?

my time has come. i will be mean to him. (thank you for getting me started on this. it bothers me every time I watch top gun.) this is also gonna be so long. yippee!

stopthatfool's issues with Tom "Iceman" Kazansky's helmet! aka this bad boy right below. (I'm sorry if anyone loves Ice's helmet, it's just not for me)

The placement of his name. WHY is it on the side? Both him and Slider have their names on the side. That makes me think it's a squadron thing? (the VF-213s) but regardless i don't care cuz i think it's stupid. (again sorry if someone thinks its genius. ok i'll stop apologizing)

My biggest issue with the fact it's on the side is that it creates this uneven weight distribution. The side with his name feels considerably "heavier" than the side without.

And the thing i don't understand is that Ice's name is evenly numbered!! He could fit 3 letters on either side of the line that comes down the helmet! the letters wouldn't be unevenly distributed, so I don't know why he felt the need to put it there!!

Here, I have "annotated" his helmet and provided other viewpoints of his helmet!

The font/typeface! Ice.. is that ARIAL?? and it's not even bolded??? so not only is his name to one side and weirdly small... it's skinny and unbolded. (like you're THE Iceman. Don't you want your name big and bolded? I shouldn't be searching for your name when you're Mr. Iceman!)

Looking at his helmet head-on, part of his name isn't even visible.. like ok ICEM!

And then! There's this weird switch up in the shapes and line types that he used-- the angular and sharp points of the lightning bolts and the half circles surrounding the squadron logo (is it a logo?? idk im gonna call it a logo)

What i think Ice is trying to do here is create a "connection" between the circular part of the logo and the lightning bolts as the bolts go all the way to the back of the helmet... but in my opinion... it's not working. like at all.

The comparison between the harsh lines of the bolts and then the curves is just kind of hard on the eyes (for me anyway). I just don't know where to look. Should i be following the leading lines of the lightning bolts? Or the curves of the half-circle things? Or should I be following the line of the lightning bolt in the logo?

And all throughout that... i barely end up seeing the name on the helmet.

Continuing off the logo... for Top Gun 1986, Ice and Slider are in the VF-213 squadron, but the movie switched the logo to the VFA-25s that looks like this on their flight suits-

(yes that is the best quality image i could find from the movie my bad) So why does the logo on his helmet look like this???

WHY do the fingers look like that. they look like hotdogs im so sorry. (logistically it was probably easier for the decals to be printed and then applied like this. but. we're not talking about technicalities here. right now i'm tearing apart the entire composition of Ice's helmet.)

I like version of the logo on their flight suits soooo much better! It's got more "rhythm" and flow to it that the lightning bolts lack! Plus no hotdog fingers.

Ok ok, now on the colour scheme. The harsh and bright blues I don't mind. Like yeah, you're The Iceman, punch me in the face with blue. I can forgive that. The thing that really bothers me.. is the silver/grey base of the helmet.

It's this really harsh grey that really doesn't help with the already harsh blues. I think he should've continued with the blue he has going. cuz this grey ain't working, king.

Ok, anyway. Since I should be studying, I'm obviously doing anything but studying. So i redesigned ice's helmet. ya idk.

it's kind of wonky.. but whatevs (ignore how the lightning bolt on the side view doesn't line up with the front view) (and ignore the inconsistences in the lettering. i was lazy and did it by hand)

I also didn't want to completely change/get rid of the aspects of Ice's helmet. So the changes aren't huge (except for maybe the name placement/"font")

ok I changed the background colour (finally, it's less all up in your face now) I continued with the blues and lessened the intensity just a little bit. I really wanted his name to be front and center!

Now the colour scheme is also consistent. No random black lettering (again, in arial???) there's now black in both his name, the outline of the lightning bolts and the logo!

Now his name is evenly distributed! See how it fits on either side of the line that comes down the center of the helmets from '86? See how you can actually see his whole name? See how it's heavier and fits the whole "iceman" theme better? (at least in my opinion)

Come on, Ice! You should've used the leading lines provided by the lightning bolts to guide people to your name! There's now a fun little overlapping moment!

(ignore how i forgot to dot one of the i's in distribution whoops)

No more weird half circle things! No more conflicting leading lines! But! I decided to extend the arm of the squadron logo to continue the line of the lightning bolt as it moves backward. I think this makes the circle of the logo fit better, while simultaneously creating that "connection" he was trying to get in his actual design.

The lack of half-circle things also allow for the logo and lightning bolts to just "be." There's no distraction. it's not overly "busy" anymore (like maverick's helmet). It's simple, but he's The Iceman! He doesn't need it to say/have more!

And the use of the "actual" logo seen on Slider and Ice's flight suits creates that sense of movement that was absent before! Plus no hotdog hands!

Is this new proposed design perfect? Absolutely not! The logo and the lightning bolts still create a weird point of almost intersection that still bothers me. But I think fundamentally, there's always going to be issues with these two components: the circle will never quite fit in, and the lightning bolt the hand is holding will always "cut" the whole thing in half, creating a weird separation in the helmet, that will always bother me.

Anyway, this was a lot of fun! (I love being mean to these guys. they need their egos brought down a couple pegs!)

[stopthatfool]

i know that topgun is just pure propaganda. i saw that poster in the showers when they were all standing around wet and shirtless and in towels. 

"Your road to adventure starts here. Navy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure."

That's just so crazy to me that its just there as everyone flexes their muscles and eye fuck each other. they're not even trying to be subtle. but idc anymore i will be consuming large amounts of topgun related content. its different when i do it cuz im special and blah blah danger zone, take my breath away, ice and mav eye fuck, danger zone la la la

[stopthatfool]

me when I find a tree stump and stand on it (I stole this from @fentomy sorry)

[stopthatfool]

Chapter 7 of Your jeep. Your Teeth. The coffee that you bought me.

He puts his hands all over you to keep you in the room.

SUMMARY:

Dripping honey and fast cars on empty highways. Big hands and ruffled hair. Blushing down his neck and bowling balls for heads. German Rummy and sliding back doors. Mourning and knowing. Crackling radios and Olivia Newton-John. Fingers shoved down his throat. There’s tonight, and there’s tomorrow. He never stood a chance.

It's official! She's posted! Thank you for bearing with me through these past months! Slider is finally here! And be sure to read the notes at the beginning for some warnings and citations! (Yay! Yippee! Yahoo!)

[stopthatfool]

Let it be known that your work in Your jeep. Your teeth. The coffee that you bought me. casually performed a sternotomy on me but never brought the pieces of my sternum back together. So uh, um, uh, here's my heart bared in my chest for this story.

Hazy and de-realized like that night on the beach.

Waiting for the static to clear.

Woodsy. Woodsy. Woodsy. WOODSY. Oh my fucking god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Seriously at a loss for words. Actually sitting here with my mouth wide open. Jaw on the floor. Mouth catching flies. Socks blown right off. The only thing going through my head right now is !!!!!!!!!!!! and AHHHHHHHH.

But seriously. the way you have captured what Mav was thinking and feeling throughout the whole campfire scene. It's honestly so insane the way you've captured it-- the way you are constantly able to capture it (feelings, emotions, thoughts) through all your art. It leaves me in awe every fucking time.

The haziness and how it represents the physical pain he was feeling, and the way he kept disassociating throughout the day-- and the texture overlay!?! Oh my god. it's so good. I want to frame it. or have it tattooed on the inside of my skull. maybe i'll do both. The layered text! (and how it relates to that one line about Ice cutting out all the letters from a magazine to express himself. Get outta my head! You're reading my mind!) (don't actually. it's amazing) THE RED LIGHTING OF THE FIRE!! Hello???? I'm screaming and rolling around violently on the ground and tearing at my hair and gnawing on my nails and chewing on the floorboards like a rabid dog. Mav's shaggy hair!!! The moon up in the sky!! the ocean behind him!! You have paid attention to the slightest of details and my mouth is still hanging open.

I'm so fucking honoured that you have spent the time to make fanart for the Jeep Universe. Like seriously. I don't have the words to express it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[stopthatfool]

in top gun meta hell rn. what the fuck am i doing in top gun meta hell. i don't think i'm supposed to be thinking so hard about this movie. it's not designed for this.

[stopthatfool]

you're meta post is so mindly blowing holy shit YOU'RE MAKING ME THINK THINGS

I'm so stuck in my ways of writing hurt/comfort i haven't thought about meta in ages. But Ice's agency is SO interesting and ur about his career too. TGM implies so much stuff about ice's career and how that's related to mav. Plus your bond villain comment was so correct haha. Anyway, thank you for sharing because oh my??? It's restarted the meta part of my brain haha

YOOOOO!!! TOP GUN META! TOP GUN META! HELL YEAH! I'm so glad someone else is just as caught up in top gun meta hell as i am! (also btw i love love love your work and writing. "Fleeting Love" absolutely destroyed me and put me back together again)

I could rant about Ice and what his character is fundamentally capable of for hoouurrrsss (especially how Ice's character in comparison to Mav makes Mav appear as this all-American underdog for the viewers to root for, essentially making Ice intertwined with Mav for the sake of revealing Mav's character and motivations) (Ice and his agency and and and... GAH!) (American individualism and the military... my mind is going into over drive) (Ice bond villain... someone play Goldfinger right now...)

blah blah blah I'm getting carried away! but I'm glad you liked my top gun meta hell post! thank YOU for reaching out! (TOP GUN META! TOP GUN META!)