#string-bean-man-2020

[gossameres]

chapter three, petty crimes

pairing: peter parker x f. reader

notes: been trying to keep up with all the mcu movies and series but there are just so many i cant omg. currently missing the marvel era 2016-2020, u will be missed

word count: 4.7k

warnings: angst, insinuation of mental health, underage alcohol usage, suggestiveness

prev. series masterlist! next.

Caffeine was never something Peter relied on. He didn’t need it. While his classmates clung to morning coffee like it was air, lining up in crowded shops with their messy buns and half-zipped backpacks, Peter had always run on something stronger: stress, guilt, adrenaline. And, of course, radioactive spider venom. His body practically hummed at all hours—alert, restless, coiled like a spring. He didn’t need a stimulant, not more than he already had coursing through his blood.

Eventually, he started drinking it, despite the hypocrisy, but not because it helped.

At first, the bitter taste was something he had to choke down, grimacing through each sip like it was a dare. But he liked having something warm in his hands. Something that made him feel grounded and still human.

He used to go to Peter Pan Donut & Pastry—not because it had good coffee (it didn’t), but because MJ worked there. Because Ned would camp out in the back with his cracked laptop and contagious energy. The coffee was just the excuse, a three dollar alibi for a routine that made him feel like life hadn’t completely spun off its axis. Even if the beans were stale and the owner was the kind of man who scraped old grounds back into the grinder like no one would notice, he still bought.

Then his friends left for MIT, but Peter kept going anyway.

Maybe out of habit or because the place still smelled like powdered sugar, comfort, and a linger of Ned’s B.O. Or maybe because even when everything else in his life had shifted, the coffee stayed the same. A predictable, bold, bitter taste, warm in his palms when everything else felt cold.

Eventually, though, he gave up the trek. The shop wasn’t close to campus or his apartment. It wasn’t even convenient with the slow and borderline rude customer service. Without MJ behind the counter and Ned hogging the WiFi, it wasn’t the same. It felt empty in a way he couldn’t quite explain and rendered the trip useless without them.

So he found a new spot that was closer to where he lived and where he learned. It was a lot louder with longer lines, but it was less tied to a version of himself that didn’t exist anymore.

The Rustic Bean was four minutes from campus and had just enough charm to feel intentional without trying too hard. Brick walls, decent lighting, a train stop nearby. Cash-only on Wednesdays. It was the kind of place where no one looked twice at him if he came in alone, where he could disappear without meaning to, and study in his favorite corner by the window after classes.

Peter liked it more than he thought he would.

He pushed open the door and stepped into the warm hum of early morning caffeine addicts. It was more packed than usual—eight a.m. rush hour. Laptops open on nearly every table, headphones tucked beneath knit beanies, muffled indie music playing over the speakers like a gentle apology for how tired everyone looked.

He checked his phone instinctively, thumbing the screen. No messages. Not that he expected any since he didn’t really have anyone left to text anymore—not anyone who’d respond. Except Harry, who only ever texted in random pictures, acronyms, and the occasional all-lowercase rant about everything and nothing in particular.

Peter shoved the phone back into his pocket and stepped into line, blinking the sleep from his eyes. His hoodie string was damp at the knots from habitually chewing on it on the train, with him only stopping when he got a whiff of the hoodie. He didn’t have much time to do his laundry. Or sleep much. Or breathe.

He let the soft murmur of the café settle around him, tried to feel present in it. The scent of espresso and baked goods, the clink of cups against saucers, high-pitched milk steamer screaming like a banshee. The assortment of random noises helped keep his brain busy, his melancholy thoughts at bay.

It didn’t take long for the line to inch forward. The barista at the register gave him a half-smile—the kind you give to someone you recognize, but don’t know well enough to joke with. Still, there was something oddly comforting in that tiny bit of familiarity.

“Tall black coffee, no room for cream,” Peter said softly. “For Peter.”

She nodded, scribbled it onto the side of the cup, and took his crumpled bills without complaint. He dug into his battered wallet for exact change, mumbling a quiet thanks when she handed over the receipt.

Then he moved to the side—by the fogged-up window—and waited.

Outside, the streets were starting to crowd. Coats pulled tighter. Coffee cups clutched with two hands. Everyone moving too fast, too loud, too in sync with a world Peter didn’t quite feel part of anymore. He watched the people more than the weather. Watched them laugh, check watches, jaywalk between buses. It wasn’t creepy… or at least he hoped it wasn’t. He just found it calming in a way. Watching other people live their lives and being able to pretend, for a second, like he could belong to one of them. It helped to remember that life kept going and other people had stories, schedules, and faces not full of grief.

The barista called out the drink without a name—just "tall black." Peter stepped forward automatically. But so did someone else.

Your hand reached the cup first.

You were half-asleep and bundled in an oversized wool sweater, sleeves swallowed past your knuckles. Your lip gloss caught the light—a soft, peachy sheen—and Peter caught himself noticing that before anything else. Then your fingers curled around the cup like it was a lifeline.

You lifted it, blinked slowly, and brought it to your mouth.

He froze.

Your eyes met his over the lid, over the steam rising between you. Then your gaze dropped to the black marker scrawled on the cup: Peter.

You froze too.

A tiny wince. Then: "Oh my god. This isn’t mine, is it?"

Peter shook his head, a gentle smile tugging at his lips, amused rather than annoyed.

You pulled the cup away like it had burned you. "I’m so sorry. I seriously—I wasn’t paying attention. I just—I feel like a thief."

He blinked, still smiling warmly. “It’s fine. Really. You can keep it.”

Your eyes flicked to the barista, who was already sliding another identical cup onto the counter, calling out, "Tall black." This time, the name on the cup was yours, neatly written in the same black marker.

Peter grabbed it, grinning.

"We got the same thing," he offered, with a tiny shrug. "So technically, it’s not even theft. It’s more like... misassigned coffee custody?"

That made you laugh—just a little—which pulled something up in his chest.

Still, you looked mortified. "No, but I mean—your name’s on it. That’s, like, irrefutable evidence. I literally drank your coffee. My lip gloss is on your lid. More evidence."

Peter’s smile widened as he glanced at the cup in his hands, with your name clearly written on it. “It’s not the worst thing I’ve had stolen.”

You blinked. "Oh?"

He took a sip, half-hiding behind the cup but grinning. “Backpack. Bike seat. Identity, once. The coffee doesn’t even crack top three.”

You stared at him. Then giggled again—full and easy, your shoulders shaking. Peter felt it in his ribs, smiling even more now.

"I still feel like I owe you something," you said. "Maybe a new coffee. Or... a croissant? Bribe you into forgiveness?"

"You really don’t. I’m just glad it wasn’t, like... a double peppermint soy thing with five pumps."

"Wow," you said, pretending to be offended. "Is that what I strike you as? A soy drinker? Honestly, extremely offended and hurt by that assumption."

Peter raised an eyebrow, playing along. "I mean… the sweater was definitely giving off cozy seasonal beverage drinker—someone who probably prefers non-dairy milk. I panicked."

You narrowed your eyes, but you were smiling now—cheeks slightly flushed, either from the heat of the drink or the heat of embarrassment. "Mm. So you're profiling now. Over caffeine. Bold move."

He held up his hands, cup balanced loosely between them. “Guilty. But in my defense, you did steal my coffee.”

“Allegedly.”

“You admitted it.”

“Only because I felt morally compelled!”

Peter chuckled softly, then smiled wider, eyes sparkling. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ll just pretend to be you today, and you can be me. That way, everyone wins.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Deal. Just don’t mess up my life too badly.”

Before Peter could figure out what to say next, a familiar voice chimed in behind him—casual, teasing.

“A crime happened before I even got here? Couldn’t you guys have waited?”

Peter turned, already recognizing the voice—but there he was: Harry in all his charming glory, scarf trailing dramatically behind him like he'd stepped out of a magazine instead of a coffee shop. Sunglasses still on, despite being indoors and it being the middle of September. He slung an arm over Peter’s shoulder like it was second nature.

You rolled your eyes, but you were smiling. “Seriously, Haz? Who let you in here—fashion week or campus security?”

Peter looked between you. Haz?

“We’re here every Monday, Wednesday, Friday before class for the three C’s,” Harry informs you, flashing a grin. “Coffee, croissants, and chats. It’s kind of our thing.”

You raised a brow, still smiling. "So I’m crashing your date?"

Harry gasped dramatically. "She admits it."

Peter blinked. "It’s not—it’s not a date."

“It’s a situationship,” Harry says, deadpan. “We’ve had coffee together more consistently than I’ve been to class.”

You take a slow sip from your cup. “Sounds healthy.”

Harry shrugs. “It’s the most stable relationship I’ve got.”

The barista slid a bag toward the pickup counter.

Harry pointed. "That better be my chocolate croissant. And it better be toasted extra."

You rolled your eyes. "You order like you’re eight."

"Eight-year-olds understand the finer things in life."

Peter stayed quiet, sipping his coffee, quietly entertained by your banter with Harry but still wondering how you two knew each other—though he didn’t press for answers.

Once Harry had his pastry in hand, the three of you stepped outside, the wind tugging at jackets and scarf ends.

The walk toward campus fell into an easy rhythm, a comfortable mix of conversation and quiet. You chatted about overpriced textbooks; Harry grumbled about a professor still using overhead projectors. Peter chipped in with the occasional comment—until your eyes landed on the cup in his hands.

“Seriously though,” you said, “thanks for not making a big deal out of that—or yelling at me or something. I got yelled at here last week by some old guy, so honestly, if you’d yelled, I probably wouldn’t have come back. Two strikes and I’m out.”

Peter shrugged, glancing down at the cup with your name on it. “All good. Crazy coincidence we order the same thing. Though, I’ve only ever seen old people order plain black coffee.”

“Profiling me again, huh? What does that make you, then?” You smiled slightly. “Guess you’ll have to go through the day as me.”

“And you can be me. Fair trade.”

The biology building came into view, and you slowed.

“Alright, this is me,” you said, stepping toward the building. Then, softer, “Take care of my identity. I’ll come find you if I find out you're ruining my reputation, Parker Peter.”

Peter grinned. “Noted. I’ll do my best to behave and save the evil scheming for Harry.”

You gave a small wave before heading inside.

Peter watched you go, a genuine smile lingering.

Harry shoved the last bit of his croissant in his mouth. "You’re grinning."

"What?"

"Just saying. Gonna be a fun semester."

Peter didn’t answer, but he didn’t stop smiling either.

His day flew by. After the morning—when he finally saw you again for the first time in four days (not that he was counting… though, he definitely was)—you stayed on his mind. During lectures, throughout the ten-minute breaks he usually spent half-asleep in the back of the library. Even now, sitting in Orgo lab, he couldn’t stop replaying the way your eye widened like a deer caught in headlights when you realized you’d grabbed the wrong drink.

You treated him like a normal person. Like someone worth talking to. Not like another ghost on the sidewalk. Not like a face in the crowd.

So, yeah. You were on his mind.

Peter stared ahead blankly, eyes unfocused on a slightly discolored brick just above the whiteboard. He didn’t hear the TA reviewing their objectives, didn’t notice the clatter of glassware around him. He was busy daydreaming—somewhere between hypothetical conversations with you and wondering if you’d recognize him in a crowd at another party—when a hand waved aggressively in front of his face.

“Hello? Parker?” Harry Osborn’s voice broke through, dripping with faux outrage. “Why do you keep zoning out on me, man? I’m the one taking notes right now. That’s absurdly, unusually, out of character for me in this class.”

Peter blinked back to the present. “Sorry. I’ve been... thinking.”

Harry narrowed his eyes dramatically. “And clearly not about anything academic. You haven’t written a single word. Meanwhile, I—me, Harry Osborn—have actual notes.”

Peter squinted at his friend’s notebook. It was messier than a toddler’s crayon attempt, but, surprisingly, legible. “You’re actually paying attention?”

“Don’t sound so shocked. I contain multitudes.”

Peter rolled his eyes and dragged the notebook closer. “Let me copy this before your pen explodes or something.”

As he jotted down bullet points about their task—performing a dehydration to yield a mixture of alkene products—Harry leaned in with that shit-eating grin Peter had come to associate with impending nonsense.

“So…” he began, casually spinning a glass stirring rod between his fingers. “Does this, uh, distraction have anything to do with a certain coffee thief from this morning?”

Peter paused mid-sentence, cheeks tinting pink. “You’re not subtle.”

“I’m not trying to be.” Harry shrugged, unfazed. “She’s cute. You’re clearly enamored with her. It’s basic math.”

Peter looked down at the reaction schematic in front of him, willing his brain to reengage with chemistry. “How do you know her?”

“We went to the same school before college. And we were in a band together.”

That made Peter’s head snap up. “A band?”

Harry looked mildly sheepish. “Don’t start. It was a phase. I had a rebellious era—wanted to be cool, play garage shows, wear eyeliner. She played guitar and we needed vocals. She was good, actually. Still mad at me for forcing her to join, though.”

Peter snorted. “That’s weirdly endearing.”

“Don’t bring it up around her though. She’ll pretend she doesn’t know what you’re talking about and then kill me later.”

Peter set down his pen and reached for a clean test tube. “Okay. We’re doing an acid-catalyzed dehydration today, right?”

“Yup. Professor wants us to heat some 2-methyl whatever with phosphoric acid and then collect the product by simple distillation.” Harry handed over the reagent bottle with mock seriousness. “Big day for alkenes.”

Peter chuckled and began assembling the distillation apparatus—clamps, condenser, receiver flask. “You remembered all that?”

“I pay attention when the TA threatens us with quiz points.”

“Fair.”

Harry adjusted the tubing while Peter started adding the alcohol to the flask. “So. Back to you and mystery girl. You guys seemed pretty cozy this morning. Had your little coffee swap meet. Ogled each other. That’s practically first base.”

Peter gave him a look. “I was not ogling her. Plus, it wasn't like that.”

Harry smirked. “No? You didn’t walk her home from my party too?”

Peter’s hand faltered for a second before resuming the careful transfer of liquid. “Her friend was blackout. I just made sure they got back safe.”

“And then you walked away into the fog, cape fluttering behind you.”

“I’m not Batman.”

“No, you’re worse. You’re humble.” Harry sat back, arms crossed.

Peter glanced over, curious. “Why does she call you Haz, anyway?”

Harry smirked. “Legacy nickname. It’s kind of stuck. You’re already behind.”

Peter huffed. “Short for what? Hazard? Fitting.”

Harry raised his hands in mock offense. “Guilty. But, for the record, I’m not competition. I’m just a charismatic guy who once played drums in the same band as her. She and I are friends. I swear.”

“You did.” Harry leaned forward, more serious now. “Look, man. If you’re into her, just say so. You’re Peter freaking Parker. You’re smart, you’re a gentleman. Chicks swoon for things like that. You’re definitely boyfriend material."

Peter rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at his mouth. “You’re so weirdly detailed and supportive, it’s almost like you’re the one into me. Don’t worry, Osborn—I’ll let you down easy even if you're not my type.”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? What’s your type then?”

Peter shrugged. “Someone who doesn’t turn dating advice into a TED talk.”

“I’m your hype man—that’s clause two in the friendship contract. Did you miss that memo? Now, grab the boiling chips, and let’s go make some questionable hydrocarbons.”

When they finally logged their last data point and cleared their station, the classroom was still a half-finished mess of bunsen burners, overheard complaints, and lab coats stained with mystery substances. Peter and Harry were the first ones packed up, as usual.

Harry slung his backpack over one shoulder and yawned like he hadn’t just spent the last hour dangerously close to open flame.

“You working today?” he asked, stretching until his button-up rode up slightly and then tugging it back down.

“No, not today,” Peter replied, adjusting the strap of his own bag. “They finally hired some new people. Which, in theory, should be a good thing.”

Harry raised a brow. “Lemme guess. You hate them already.”

“I don’t hate him,” Peter lied. “He’s this new high school kid who told me I looked like a substitute teacher during his first shift.”

Harry snorted. “Was he wrong though?”

Peter gave him a side-eye. “He also asked if I knew how to use TikTok and then called me ��sir’ when I didn’t answer fast enough.”

Harry wheezed. “Oh no.”

“I’m eighteen,” Peter said flatly. “I’m not ancient.”

“Maybe it’s your meek aura,” Harry teased. “Very ‘mild-mannered civics teacher’ vibes sometimes.”

Peter gave him a light shove, but his grin betrayed him.

As they reached the quad, Harry glanced sideways. “Alright. Since you’re free, come over to mine. We can chill, maybe order in some shitty Chinese food. Watch something dumb. You pick.”

Peter nodded. “Sure.”

Harry’s mouth twitched. “...Or—and hear me out—I could invite a few more people. Have a casual afternoon. You’ve met, like, three people on campus total, and I’m not trying to let you slip into full hermit mode.”

“In the span of one month, I’ve had more social interaction than probably my entire high school experience,” Peter said. “All thanks to your relentless matchmaking.”

Harry smirked. “And you’re welcome.”

Peter narrowed his eyes. “You’re up to something.”

“Always,” Harry said easily. “But in this case, it’s for your benefit. I was thinking Gwen might come. And maybe her roommate.”

Peter gave him a look. “You mean…?”

Harry didn’t even blink. “Yup.”

Peter groaned. “Wouldn’t that be kind of weird? Like—too much of a coincidence? Twice in one day?”

Harry shrugged. “Not if you don’t make it weird.”

“You sure she wouldn’t think I’m plotting on her? Or stalking?”

“She won’t,” Harry said. “Trust me. She’s not that kind of person. And besides, if you don’t want to talk to her, you don’t have to. But something tells me you really, really do.”

Peter didn’t say anything.

Harry slung his arm around his shoulder like a sitcom older brother. “Listen, you’re interested in her. She seems into you too. You’re both painfully nice, emotionally repressed, and vaguely awkward. I’m just here to expedite fate.”

Peter let out a quiet groan. “You sound like a wedding planner.”

“I’m a man of many talents,” Harry said. “So? You in?”

Peter hesitated. Then sighed. “If you really want.”

Harry beamed, already leading them toward the stairwell. “Good. We’ll head to mine, yeah? The couch at my place still remembers the imprint of your ass from last time. It misses you.”

“You’re banned from talking for five minutes.”

“Okay, Mom.” He grinned. “Now hurry up before I get hangry. I’m feeling a tantrum coming soon.”

Peter didn’t expect to be spending his Wednesday night drinking.

But that’s what comes with being friends with Harry Osborn.

There was something inevitable about it—like gravity. One moment Peter was walking out of lab with a backpack full of half-finished lab reports and crushed snack wrappers, and the next, he was sitting on the floor of Harry’s living room with a lukewarm seltzer in hand, pretending to understand the rules of a drinking game he’d already lost three times.

Harry was draped across the couch like he owned the whole building (which, knowing him, wasn’t entirely impossible), laughing too hard at his own joke. Across from him, a silver-haired girl—Felicia, Peter had caught—shot back with dry one-liners that cut sharper than her eyeliner.

Gwen had shown up with Felicia, and much to Peter's dismay, without you since your class ran late. She was in rare form—barefoot, glossy-lipped, halfway through her second spiked lemonade. At some point, she’d declared a dance-off, stolen Harry’s scarf and was now wearing it like a feather boa, mixing drinks behind the counter with zero clue what she was doing. Brian—blonde, broad-shouldered, and someone Peter had met once before—just watched with quiet amusement, sipping something out of a red cup like this was all perfectly normal.

Peter mostly observed, sipped his drink, and let the noise fill the quiet parts of his brain. He hadn’t realized he was waiting for something until it happened.

The door opened.

And there you were.

He shouldn’t have been surprised. Harry had mentioned you would still come, but there was something about the timing. The way you stepped inside with your coat slung over one arm, hair slightly wind-tousled, cheeks frozen from the cold. You looked up and smiled—effortless, unbothered.

And just like that, Peter forgot the rules of the game all over again.

“Hey,” you announced your presence, closing the door behind you.

Gwen immediately shrieked, “Finally!” and ran over to pull you in like you hadn’t seen each other in years.

Peter tried not to look for too long—or pretend his pulse didn’t quicken just slightly. You disappeared into the crowd of now familiar faces and scattered laughter, with Gwen dragging you toward the kitchen like a hurricane. For a while, you blended into the background: talking, laughing, letting someone press a cup into your hand.

He figured that would be it, just sharing the same space, trading the occasional glance across the chaos. Maybe a quick hey, a polite smile, and then back to pretending he hadn’t been thinking about Saturday night.

Later that night, long after the sun had slipped away, he found you standing alone on the balcony—your cup nearly empty, your back resting lightly against the railing. Behind you, the city stretched out in a blur of static lights and slow motion, your hair lifting gently in the breeze.

He paused in the doorway. You didn’t notice him at first. Or maybe you did and just didn’t say anything.

Then, without turning, your voice cut softly through the space between you. “Déjà vu?”

Peter stepped out, pulling the door closed behind him. “Kinda feels like Saturday.”

You nodded, a faint smile tugging at your mouth. “Less sticky, though. And less Gwen trying to convince everyone she invented feminism.”

He let out a breath of laughter, joining you at the railing. “She was on a mission.”

“She always is,” you said warmly, your eyes flicking to the window as the music swelled inside. Gwen’s laugh spilled through the glass for a moment before fading again. Out here, the wind hummed low, streetlights cast soft gold onto the pavement below. The night didn’t close in—it stretched open.

You looked at him again. “You didn’t think I’d actually show, did you?”

He blinked, caught off guard by your tone—playful, curious. “What? No. I mean... I wasn’t sure.”

“Mm,” you said, tilting your head slightly. “Well, I didn’t think you’d be here either.”

He shrugged, smiling a little. “Harry can be convincing.”

“Tell me about it. He texted me six times. I think one of them was just a picture of Gwen holding a paper towel roll like a mic.”

Peter laughed. “Honestly? That would’ve convinced me too.”

You studied him for a moment, then asked, “So... Parker Peter. I don't remember you being this quiet.”

He shrugged, eyes a little hazy. “I’m not quiet. I’m just... mildly impaired.”

You laughed, bumping his shoulder. “Good. Makes it easier for you to say something incriminating.”

“I’m always thinking about something. Possibly incriminating—but these lips are staying sealed.” He glanced at you, then down at his hands.

You tilted your head, sipping from your cup filled with a random concoction of alcohol and mixers. “Oh yeah? What was it this time? Or do I have to guess?”

He hesitated. Not like he didn’t have an answer—more like he wasn’t sure if it was the right one to say out loud.

“...Honestly? Just thinking it’s kind of nice out here.”

You looked over, brow raised. “That’s what you were brooding about? The weather?”

Peter laughed under his breath, scratching at the edge of his cup. “No, not just that. I meant it’s quiet. And I don’t know. You’re—” He trailed off, then shook his head. “Never mind.”

You leaned a little closer, elbow grazing the railing—casual but not accidental. “I’m what?”

He glanced at you, then away, then back again. Like he couldn’t quite help it. “You’re easy to talk to.”

“Maybe I’m just better than most people.” You smiled but didn’t tease him for it.

Peter huffed a laugh. “Yeah. Maybe.”

There was a brief lull—comfortable, not awkward. The kind where the quiet didn’t need to be filled. Still, you spoke first.

“You don’t really do this, do you?”

He blinked, caught off guard. “Do what?”

“Socializing. Talking to girls on balconies. You know—the whole college thing.”

Peter leaned forward on his elbows, eyes drifting to the street below. “Wow, you’re good. Not really my scene. I usually bail before the second round of drinks. Or pretend I have some impossible assignment due.”

“But you stayed.” You looked at him, then tapped your nail lightly against the rim of your cup. “Even after your coffee got stolen.”

He smiled again, a little crooked this time. “Yeah, well. Maybe that part wasn’t so bad.”

You let the silence hang for a moment, then said, soft but teasing, “You realize you’re flirting with me, right?”

Peter choked on a laugh, surprised by how direct you were about it—but also how okay it felt. “…Was I?”

You shrugged, eyes warm. “Kinda. But like, the polite, hesitant type. Like you’re not sure if you’re allowed to. Very endearing, though.”

Peter looked down at his hands, then out at the skyline. He didn’t say anything right away. When he finally did, his voice was quiet. “I think I just forgot what it feels like. Liking someone. Or wanting to.”

You didn’t flinch or ask questions he didn’t want to answer. You just stood there, looking at him like maybe that made sense.

“Well,” you said, nudging his arm gently, “if you ever remember… I’m usually a good guess.”

Peter looked at you then—really looked—and this time, he didn’t look away with a smile. “Noted.”

From inside, the sliding door creaked open. A gust of warm air and laughter spilled out, followed by Harry’s voice yelling something unintelligible about Gwen and the blender. Felicia’s voice cut through the party’s static, bright and lively, while somewhere inside, Brian was probably trying—and failing—to keep the peace.

You sighed, smiling. “They’re fine. I think?”

And you stayed like that—side by side. Not quite touching. Not quite leaving.

But here, on the edge of it all, it was still.

Peter could finally breathe.

[ask-torture-ler]

“Tell me, friend, what color would you like your ropes to be?”

You made a friend! :D

"A friend, huh?"

[awxward]

A3! Boys + My Stuffed Animals

Spring Troupe:

Sakuya

Gabriel

Gabriel is a small elephant with big ears that constantly make him fall over. He has a pink bowtie that says 'I Love You'

Makes Saku feel safe and Gabriel is a reminder to himself that he's loved and appreciated by everyone at Mankai.

Named after a friend from theatre class :)

Masumi

George Washington

George Washington is a tiger. He is small, but his arms are like those slap bracelets so you can wear him on your wrist (or let him hang on the side of shelf like I do).

So I got Georgy-Boy for easter 2020. i asked my friends for name ideas. They sent me stuff like 'Stripes'. I went offline for a few minutes and when I came back online I told my friends his name was George Washington.

//////////

Me: tiger has a name now

Friend: which name did you choose?

Me: his name is George Washington.

Friend: what the fuck. how'd you get George Washington?

//////////

Pretty sure he got the name bc I was listening to the Hamilton soundtrack.

Citron

Daniel

Daniel is mostly pink but has other pastel colors that look like watercolors. He's a unicorn. And a ketchain. And he's one of those dream lites, so he lights up. (He's supposed too anyway, but he's never lit up since i got him like 7 years ago at a yard sale).

Named after Daniel Howell (formerly danisnotonfire) [YouTube]

Tsuzuru

Lucifer

Lucifer is a small panda pillow pet. Very easy to travel with bc he fits in most backpacks.

My mom told me she wanted me to have a stuffed animal with a biblical name, i picked him up, looked her in the eye and said "His name is Lucifer." My mom tried to protest. "You said a biblical name, Mom. Lucifer is in the bible."

Itaru

Pao(???)

Pao is a panda. They are also a phone holder thingy. Like it'll hold your phone if you're watching movies or whatever.

Like 5-ish years old. Got them from a friend. They have a tag with their name on it, but I read it once and then just called them "the panda" for some reason instead of their actual name and now the tag is too faded to read the name, but i am 38% sure it says Pao or something close to that.

Chikage

Tsuki

Tsuki is a dinosaur. Tsuki is a sparkly dino. He's green rn, but if you brush your hand over him, the sparkles turn over and he becomes orange. I like green tho bc his tummy and the bottom of his feet are orange and so are his eyes.

Named after Tsukishima Kei (Haikyuu)

Summer Troupe:

Tenma

Hinata

Hinata is a narwhal. A bright orange narwhal. Infact he is the same color as Tenma's hair.

Named after Hinata Shoyo (Haikyuu) [bc its the same color as his hair. there is a theme with this narwhal and the anime boys i associate with them]

Yuki

Steve

Steve is a regular teddy bear, except he has a shirt that has pikachu on it. (the shirt was originally Tsuki's bc i got tsuki at a friends build a bear bday party, but it fits Steve better)

I just think Yuki would try new designs/color schemes/styles by making clothes for Steve to see how they look.

I got Steve from a claw machine (my bf at time won him for me just before we watched Endgame together.)

Named after Steve Rogers (Marvel)

Muku

Eeyore

Muku most definitely loves the Winnie the Pooh movies and I will fite for this hc. He gets my Eeyore. You know how Eeyore's tail is always going missing or falling off??? Eeyore's tail comes off (velcro) but its attached to his actual body with a string so it cant be misplaced.

Eeyore has a patch that says "official disney store" but i got him for $3 at a thrift store.

Misumi

Sherlock

Sherlock is a polar bear. Sherlock is very huggable. He makes Misumi feel safe. He has a hat and scarf (that don't come off. they are sewn on him)

the hat has a pom pom on top and the scarf has a pom pom on each end. the hat and scarf and the bottom of his feet have a blue/white plaid pattern.

Kazunari

Victor

Victor is a puppy and the first big stuffed animal of mine on the list! He's all tan and abt maybe 3-4 ft long. Victor lays pretty flat so he's comfy to lay/sit on. I think Kazu would like sitting or laying on him when drawing. Probably has him on his bed so he's like a giant pillow.

Victor is from Toys R Us. I got him last August-ish from my Aunt and Uncle who found him at a thrift store and thought I'd like him.

Named after Victor Nikiforov (Yuri On Ice)

Kumon

PJ

PJ is a small white tiger. He is also a ball. He can fit in one hand. When Kumon is thinking or stressed or bored (etc) he just lays on his back and tosses PJ up into the air.

When Kumon is laying on the floor tossing PJ, Misumi sits on the bed closest to where PJ is and tries to grab him (but only if Kumon is in a good mood and okay with it) It's a fun little game they made up they like to play.

Pretty sure he was named after KickthePJ (YouTube)

liber pls give us a pic with all of autumn i am begging

Autumn Troupe:

Banri

Sammy

Sammy is another one of my large stuffed animals. He is also a puppy, but unlike Victor he is sitting instead of laying. He's abt 2-3 ft tall. His fur is the same color as Banri's hair. Great to squeeze at anytime, but very therapeutic when you're in a bad mood. Has a heart on his ear.

i got him abt 7 years ago. I had just finished spn season 2 and was upset abt the finale and had no way to start season 3.

Named after Sam Winchester

Juza

Tiggs

Tiggs is a beanie baby tiger. Tiggs is a little larger than PJ (and not a ball). He's a regular orange tiger instead of a white tiger like PJ. He'd buy Kumon PJ so they could have matching stuffed animals. Small and very comforting to just hold/hug.

Omi

Benedict (Ben)

Benedict, also known as Ben, is a small koala. Just a little bigger than Tiggs. He has a heart on one of his feet (i think the right one). very soft. very fluffy.

Named after Benedict Cumberbatch (Actor)

Taichi

Dean

Dean is my largest stuffed animal. He is a dark brown teddy bear that's abt 4-ish ft tall. He can be put in a corner and used as like a bean bag chair, or he can lay down flat and be a good pillow like Victor can.

It's very fun to just wrap around him and squeeze as tight as you can. Especially in when your in a bad mood. Very comforting to cry into.

I got him a couple years ago at a thrift store.

Named after Dean Winchester (Supernatural)

Sakyo

Lev

Lev is a lion abt the size of a regular teddy bear (maybe slightly larger). I got him a thrift store so he's slightly worn out from age. He's mostly a pastel dark yellow-ish tan and his mane is dark brown. very huggable.

He's the stuffed animal I sleep with. Smells nice all the time, like the fabric softener.

Named after Lev Haiba (Haikyuu)

Sakoda

Emotional Support Iron Man

So Iron Man is small and he sparkles. He will hurt you/someone if thrown hard enough. Sakoda likes heroes bc they remind him of Sakyo they look cool. I'd hc that he got Iron Man from Sakyo when he was younger and its one of his most valued possessions and goes everywhere with him (or stays with Azamo or Sakyo at the dorm. Maybe Izumi or a couple others are on the list of who can watch over Iron Man.) Very protective of it.

Got the emotional support part of his name from a friend.

She saw Eddie Redmayne on a movie cover (think it was The Danish Girl) and started freaking out bc she loved him. I handed her the Iron Man and the next day she thanked me and said he was an Emotional Support Iron Man and the name stayed.

Azami

[Emotional Support] Spooder-Mon

Sakoda knew Azami as a kid. He most definitely got him the Spider-Man so they could have matching plushies.

Spider-Man is square and has little blob hands doing the web thingy. The tag said travel pillow, but he probably just chills by Azami's bed. When needed, Iron Man will be placed next to him if Sakoda can't take Iron Man with him.

I brought him to school one day and we had a bio test and all the people sitting around me passed him around and gave him a pat for good luck. We all got good grades and then he was dubbed as Emotional Support Spooder-Mon, but the Emotional Support title isnt part of his name (unlike the Iron Man).

i wanted guy in the pic, but i also wanted tsumu and hiso in the pic so you get 2 pics for winter

Winter Troupe:

Tsumugi

Phil

Phil is a zebra. He is a pillow pet zebra. Like Lucifer, Phil is also easy travel size. The bottom half of Phil is pink, so I refer to him as my pink zebra.

I just think it'd be cute to have Tsumugi with a pillow pet ok. I also thought he'd probably have has Phil for many years (since he was a kid) and Tasuku most definitely brings up things from when they were kids and shit.

//////////

Tasuku: you chose the pink zebra, and for what???

Tsumugi: its a very aesthetically pleasing pastel pink.

Tasuku: THERE WAS A DOG PILLOW PET RIGHT THERE AND IT WAS CUTER

Tsumugi: dont talk bad abt Phil.

the rest of mankai: ????????

//////////

I got phil before I got Lucifer many years ago. He was old when i got him and he is very old now. I love him so much.

Named after Phil Lester (AmazingPhil) [YouTube]

Tasuku

Cap

Cap is a husky. He was won from a claw machine with Steve.

There's just something abt the grey and white that gave me Tasuku vibes. Also, Cap's eyes are abt the same shade of blue as Tsumugi's and Tasuku knows this bc they are in love. Very squishy when hugged and with the way he sits, you could make it look like he's guarding something.

Named after Captain America (Marvel)

Homare

Ushijima (Ushi)

Ushijima, also called Ushi, is the last of my giant stuffed animals. He is abt 2-3 ft tall (like Sammy) and has a tail abt the same length.

Ushi is a raccoon thats mostly hot pink. Ushi's eyes are also pink and just abt the same shade as Homare's hair, although Ushi's fur is brighter by a few shades.

Ushi hurts when thrown/swung hard enough. Very fun to hug bc he's filled with beans (like beanie babies) so unlike all my other giant animals, he doesn't have to be fixed/adjusted after everytime you squeeze him. The tail has cotton tho and makes a good pillow.

Homare would definitely just see a 3 ft tall hot pink raccoon and claim it with no explanation.

Named after Ushijima Wakatoshi (Haikyuu)

Hisoka

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd (Vlad, Drac)

Vladmir Dracula the 3rd, who has many other names but usually goes by Vlad or Drac, is a vampire (surprise).

Vlad is a squishmallow thingy, and their tags say something abt them being able to be used as pillows, and thats why Hisoka gets Vlad.

Vlad is triangular in shape, with triangle ears, and triangle fangs, so I thought abt Misumi, but i figured Hisoka bc it's a pillow.

He's like the perfect travel size and he has a cape and a bowtie.

Named after Vlad the Impaler, the real life inspiration behind Dracula (my brother thought he was named after Vladmir Putin and I wanted to punch him for that but I was too busy laughing.)

Also named after Dracula, who was a vampire.

Idk where 'the 3rd' came from, but it's part of his name for forever.

Azuma

Sebastian

Sebastian is a dinosaur thats blue with a white tummy.

He's also a squishmallow, but he's bigger than Vlad by abt 2× as wide, so he'd be harder to carry around, which is why Hisoka got Vlad instead. Being a squishmallow means he looks more blob than dinosaur and i love it.

His tag said his name was Dominic or something, but I named him Sebastian before I actually checked the tag, so he's Sebastian.

Named after Sebastian (Black Butler) and Sebastian Stan (Actor)

Guy

Moriarty

Moriarty is my other polar bear. I got him with Sherlock and named him Moriarty bc Moriarty is Sherlock's nemesis.

He's just a plain white bear thats very huggable and adorable. I usually have a bowtie on him bc it makes him look fancy.

Guy would like him bc he's plain white and very fluffy.

[theatrekidmadi]

Billboard Hot 100 - 2020 Top 40 Debuts

* "Woah" by Lil Baby

* “Vete” by Bad Bunny

* “Heartless” by The Weeknd

* “Blinding Lights” by The Weeknd

* “Adore You” by Harry Styles

* “Futsal Shuffle 2020” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Out West” by JACKBOYS feat. Young Thug

* “Yummy” by Justin Bieber

* “Rare” by Selena Gomez

* “You should be sad” by Halsey

* “Good News” by Mac Miller

* “Sum 2 Prove” by Lil Baby

* “Life Is Good” by Future feat. Drake

* “Blue World” by Mac Miller

* “Unaccommodating” by Emimen feat. Young MA

* “Those Kinda Nights” by Eminem feat. Ed Sheeran

* “Darkness” by Eminem

* “What A Man Gotta Do” by The Jonas Brothers

* “Godzilla” by Eminem feat. Juice WRLD

* “Anyone” by Demi Lovato

* “B.I.T.C.H.” by Megan Thee Stallion

* “I Do It” by Lil Wayne feat. Big Sean & Lil Baby

* “Yikes” by Nicki Minaj

* “Intentions” by Justin Bieber feat. Quavo

* “Forever” by Justin Bieber feat. Post Malone & Clever

* “Numbers” by A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie feat. Roddy Ricch, Gunna & London On Da Track

* “No Time To Die” by Billie Eilish

* “Lil Top” by YoungBoy Never Broke Again

* “ON” by BTS

* “PTSD” by G Herbo feat. Chance The Rapper, Juice WRLD & Lil Uzi Vert

* “La Dificil” by Bad Bunny

* “Si Veo A Tu Mama” by Bad Bunny

* “Emotionally Scarred” by Lil Baby

* “Live Off My Closet” by Lil Baby feat. Future

* “Commercial” by Lil Baby feat. Lil Uzi Vert

* “That Way” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Heatin Up” by Lil Baby & Gunna

* “Stupid Love” by Lady Gaga

* “Venetia” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “I’m Sorry” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “You Better Move by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Celebration Station” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Bigger Than Life” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “POP” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Prices” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “BS” by Jhene Aiko feat. H.E.R.

* “Homecoming” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “I Love Me” by Demi Lovato

* “P2” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Silly Watch” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Lo Mein” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Baby Pluto” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Yessirskii” by Lil Uzi Vert & 21 Savage

* “Bean (Kobe)” by Lil Uzi Vert feat. Chief Keef

* “Myron” by Lil Uzi Vert

* “Escape From LA” by The Weeknd

* “Snowchild” by The Weeknd

* “Too Late” by The Weeknd

* “Hardest To Love” by The Weeknd

* “Scared To Live” by The Weeknd

* “Alone Again” by The Weeknd

* “In Your Eyes” by The Weeknd

* “Believe It” by PARTYNEXTDOOR feat. Rihanna

* “Break My Heart” by Dua Lipa

* “Turks” by NAV feat. Gunna & Travis Scott

* “Find My Way” by DaBaby

* “Toosie Slide” by Drake

* “level of concern” by twenty one pilots

* “I’m Ready” by Sam Smith & Demi Lovato

* “@MEH” by Playboy Carti

* “JUMP” by DaBaby feat. YoungBoy Never Broke Again

* “ROCKSTAR” by DaBaby feat. Roddy Ricch

* “Righteous” by Juice WRLD

* “The Scotts” by Travis Scott & Kid Cudi

* “Landed” by Drake

* “When To Say When” by Drake

* “Demons” by Drake feat. Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek

* “Deep Pockets” by Drake

* “Time Flies” by Drake

* “Be Kind” by Marshmello & Halsey

* “Desires” by Drake feat. Future

* “Not You Too” by Drake feat. Chris Brown

* “D4L” by Future, Drake & Young Thug

* “Chicago Freestyle” by Drake feat. Giveon

* “Pain 1993” by Drake feat. Playboy Carti

* “GOOBA” by 6ix9ine

* “stuck with u” by Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber

* “Daisies” by Katy Perry

* “Trillionaire” by Future feat. YoungBoy Never Broke Again

* “X” by The Jonas Brothers feat. Karol G

* “Solitaires” by Future feat. Travis Scott

* “Flex” by Polo G feat. Juice WRLD

* “Dollaz On My Head” by Gunna feat. Young Thug

* “Rain On Me” by Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande

* “Sour Candy” by Lady Gaga & BLACKPINK

* “The Bigger Picture” by Lil Baby

* “TROLLZ” by 6ix9ine & Nicki Minaj

* “Black Parade” by Beyonce

* “How You LIke That” by BLACKPINK

* “Girls In The Hood” by Megan Thee Stallion

* “44 Bulldog” by Pop Smoke

* “Gangstas” by Pop Smoke

* “Aim For The Moon” by Pop Smoke feat. Quavo

* “Got It On Me” by Pop Smoke

* “The Woo” by Pop Smoke feat. 50 Cent & Roddy Ricch

* “For The Night” by Pop Smoke feat. Lil Baby & DaBaby

* “Fighting Demons” by Juice WRLD

* “Stay High” by Juice WRLD

* “The Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shady” by Kid Cudi & Eminem

* “Bad Energy” by Juice WRLD

* “Titanic” by Juice WRLD

* “Blood On My Jeans” by Juice WRLD

* “Hate The Other Side” by Juice WRLD & Marshmello feat. The Kid LAROI & Polo G

* “Conversations” by Juice WRLD

* “Wishing Well” by Juice WRLD

* “Come & Go” by Juice WRLD & Marshmello

* “Greece” by DJ Khaled feat. Drake

* “Popstar” by DJ Khaled feat. Drake

* “this is me trying” by Taylor Swift

* “invisible string” by Taylor Swift

* “seven” by Taylor Swift

* “mirrorball” by Taylor Swift

* “august” by Taylor Swift

* “my tears ricochet” by Taylor Swift

* “the last great american dynasty” by Taylor Swift

* “exile” by Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver

* “the 1” by Taylor Swift

* “cardigan” by Taylor Swift

* “Move Yo Hips” by A$AP Ferg feat. Nicki Minaj & MadeInTYO

* “my future” by Billie Eilish

* “Smile” by Juice WRLD & The Weeknd

* “WAP” by Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion

* “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus

* “7 Summers” by Morgan Wallen

* “Laugh Now Cry Later” by Drake feat. Lil Durk

* “Dynamite” by BTS

* “Over Now” by Calvin Harris & The Weeknd

* “Ice Cream” by BLACKPINK & Selena Gomez

* “Hit Different” by SZA feat. Ty Dolla $ign

* “OK Not To Be OK” by Marshmello & Demi Lovato

* “My Window” by YoungBoy Never Broke Again feat. Lil Wayne

* “Holy” by Justin Bieber feat. Chance The Rapper

* “Franchise” by Travis Scott feat. Young Thug & M.I.A.

* “Fallin” by Why Don’t We

* “Many Men” by 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

* “Slidin” by 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

* “Don’t Stop” by Megan Thee Stallion feat. Young Thug

* “Rich N*gga Shit” by 21 Savage & Metro Boomin feat. Young Thug

* “Glock In My Lap” by 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

* “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes

* “Mr. Right Now” by 21 Savage & Metro Boomin feat. Drake

* “Runnin” by 21 Savage & Metro Boomin

* “Lonely” by Justin Bieber & benny blanco

* “Tyler Herro” by Jack Harlow

* “Forever After All” by Luke Combs

* “positions” by Ariana Grande

* “pov” by Ariana Grande

* “off the table” by Ariana Grande & The Weeknd

* “motive” by Ariana Grande & Doja Cat

* “Dakiti” by Bad Bunny & Jhay Cortex

* “34+35” by Ariana Grande

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

From: Cace, Jae, and Calum

Cace and Calum meet at a Christmas and for being in their mid to late twenties that’s feels right. But things change when a baby gets involved and Calum just wants his best friend to enjoy her time, especially at the holidays. 

Female OC. Uncle Cal. Baby fluff. Enjoy! 

Enjoy the Christmas 2020 Blurb Masterlist

Enjoy my full masterlist

Support me on Ko-fi.  (Trying to put money together for textbooks next semester!)

__________________

Calum giggles mostly to himself, his index finger wrapped up in the fist of his nephew laying on his lap. Well, he’s not technically his nephew by blood but the bond is still all the same. Calum never misses an opportunity to show off his picture to anyone that will give him the change too. Jae looks so much like Cace it’s insane but he gets it now, all the comments he and his sister used to get, and even now. Calum met Cace only two years ago while at a Christmas party thrown by someone that he can’t remember. They found each other by fate, as Cace liked to say. 

Calum had been nursing his one drink for only half an hour before flipping the switch, rather than sulking, he was going to enjoy himself. Nothing too far, or too crazy but Calum knew he was definitely going to need a ride back home and he was going to enjoy the night. And it was in that, going back for another drink that Calum tripped. Nearly face planted with someone caught him with a laugh. “Let me guess, you’re not normally this much of a klutz.”

 He laughed in return, still holding onto the girls forearms. “Give or take.” His balance returned soon, but his hold never fell away. He wasn’t sure if he had seen her around before, outside of the party. She looked so familiar. But in the drunken cloud taken over his brain he couldn’t answer his own curiosities. 

“Cace,” she states. 

“Calum.”

“And you might want a water at least one before going for whatever else tickles your fancy on this spread.” She guided him towards the drinks and snacks and quickly tossed him a bottle of water. “Drink up, buttercup.”

“Thanks,” Calum said, watching her turn to head back to the depths of the dance floor. “Hey, Cace,” he called out. When she turned, eyebrow raised and head cocked to the side, Calum had a shot prepared, raising up into the air. “Oh, don’t make a man drink alone.”

 Cace walked back over with a grin on her face. “You know it’s bad luck to cheers with water right?”

Calum’s sly grin never wavered and he pulls up a second shot prepared. “Just give me two minutes to finish this water and no bad luck for us.”

And that brought them to grabbing lunch on Cace’s breaks--while she’s no singer, she does know her way around a contract--hanging in studios, the two of them taking day trips to get away from the noise of the city. Calum would ask for advice and Cace, being a year and a half older, happily gives it. But for all the advice she can give, Cace’s track record in the dating department wouldn’t ever show for it. 

Jae kicks a little but a grin lights up his face. Calum laughs, stroking a finger along his cheek. “Hey, hey, what’s got you all giggly?” Calum’s voice is soft. The couch dips just a little next to him and Calum looks over to Cace. 

Her smile is soft but still clearly holds the exhaustion that she hasn’t been able to shake yet. “How long have I been out?”

Calum keeps a hand on Jae’s tummy before sliding back into the cushions. “Not long enough. You’re off Mum duty. Remember. Uncle Cal and Nephew Jae taking the world by storm--no mum’s allowed.”

Cace scoffs, pushing up to to glance at the clock on the wall. “By the looks of it, it’s been an hour and a half and you haven’t left my house.”

Giving Jae’s tummy a rub, Calum tries to hide his smile. “Little booger here preoccupied me.”

“Oh just admit it, he’s too stinking cute.” Cace stares down at her son, watches the way he giggles and coos at the tickle of Calum’s fingers. “Like really stinkin’ cute,” she states in a whisper. For the moment she tried not to think too much about how she could kill the son of a bitch that got her pregnant only to bolt--though Cace wasn’t sure she’d call it bolting. He had a line of women and as Cace steadily refused to give up her baby, he went onto the next. 

“I know that murdery look in your eyes. You’re exhausted. That guy’s a dick. But you have a happy and extremely healthy baby boy. Take the day, Cace. You deserve it.”

Cace sits up, folding her feet under her. “I love my son. I just wish he wouldn’t have any pain.”

“Jae’s got Uncle Cal, and Uncle Ashton, and Uncle Michael, and Uncle Luke. We’re all he’s going to need--you’ll be there for his first crush and we’ll beat up bullies.”

Cace laughs, hand rubbing gently over Jae’s head as Calum rests Jaue against his chest. “I’ll be there to beat up bullies too.” 

“I did say we,” Calum grins, the twinkling lights of her decor. Her living room’s already been decorated. He helped last weekend with that and even helped her put a tree. “You know what you need?”

“You already told me it was sleep.”

“In addition to sleep,” Calum starts. The tree’s beautiful. Cace always makes sure of that for Christmas. “You need Christmas photos in cheesy matching outfits with your baby boy and we’ll send them out to your family and make really bad Christmas ornaments and we’ll stamp Jae’s little hand on one and you’re going to enjoy this holiday season with your son and your best friend.”

“Do you remember the Christmas party we met at?” 

Calum nods. “Of course I do. And this year will be the absolute opposite of that, but it’ll be good for you, Cace.”

There’s a moment silence. Cace studying the feature of Calum’s face and Calum studying the features of her. She notices the worry on his face, the way it pulls down his lips and makes his eyes dimmer. He notices the bags, but a certain bright spot in her eyes. “Alright, you’ve convinced me. Homemade Christmas ornaments and cheesy photos. I’ll go get dressed.”

“No, no, you stay home. Rest up. I’ll go out and get what we need. Jae can tag along. He gets a vote in the really cringe onesie I buy him.”

“Cal, c’mon. Jae gets fussy sometimes and in a mood. I don’t want you have to tackle that all on your own.”

“Cace, let me do that. For you. Just one day. I know Jae, when he gets fussy I check diaper first, try the bottle second, and if that doesn’t work. you taught me the swaddle. We’ll take five and I’ll make him a cozy bean wrapped in his mum’s smelling blanket,” Calum punctuates the part by tugging on the blanket Cace snuggled up with in her sleep, which admittedly she might be just a tad too big for, “and he’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

Pushing to her knees, Cace holds Calum’s cheek in one hand. Calum didn’t have to step in. Surely, there were better things to do than go with Cace to appointments and stay home on nights when she knew the guys were out. And he helped put together the nursery. He got the guys to help him too, but Calum would be on the receiving end of 7 am phone calls to fold baby clothes and lift packages into her house when she got too big to bend over or lift anything.

 “You’re more than a girl could ever ask for, you know?”

“Good thing you didn’t ask for me.” 

Cace rolls her eyes. “Yeah, no, I called it fate. But still, I appreciate you. For everything. It means a lot.”

Calum kisses her cheek. “You’re welcome. Now, text me what size you wear and then go back to sleep. Shower first. I can smell you.”

A chuckle escapes Cace’s throat. “That’s-that’s not me, Cal.”

“Oh, Jae, buddy.”

With Jae in a fresh diaper and the diaper backpack Cace keeps packed at all times on his shoulders, Calum straps Jae into the carseat he bought for his own car. Cace told him to just use the one she had, but Calum wanted one in his car, just in case he needed it for emergencies, for Uncle and Nephew days. His phone shakes in his pocket as he connects the last buckle into the middle. “All good? Snug in there?”

Jae’s on the verge of sleep, and Calum knows the ride will lull him right into the deep sleep. Calum responds to his own question. “Yeah, Uncle Cal, I’m snug as hell. Drunk of some milk. But, oh, boy, was it good.”

I wear a XL. Still have baby weight. Who knows if I’ll loose it all. 

A sigh escapes his lips. Cace hasn’t let the baby weight fixation go. She lost some of it, but the last little bit was still holding strong. You know XL just means extra love, right?

What happened to the e then?

Xtra Love. It’s cool guy spelling. You look great. You had a baby. Give yourself some kindness.

Cool guy spelling for Cool guy Cal.

Yeah, something like that. It doesn’t shock Calum that she doesn’t respond to the other parts of his text. 

Calum makes his first venture to the craft store. It’s the furtherest stop on the agenda today, so he heads there first. Jae sleeps the majority of that stop, even with all Calum’s wondering up and down aisle he doesn’t seem bothered. Calum gathers some popsicle sticks, glue, felt, glitter, various body safe paints, string, ribbon, and everything else he can think of. He knows it’s going to be a mess, but what’s Christmas without a little bit of a glitter bomb. 

Jae sings, or as close to singing, from the backseat as the radio plays. At a red light, Calum glances back. “Huh, that was a nice nap you got in. Let’s hope your mum got the same.” 

Calum knows by the parking lot this store is going to be a bit crowded and noisy. But it’s the first one he could think off that would family matching onesies. Calum figures instead of the stroller he’ll strap Jae to his chest. Hopefully that will keep him calmer seeing as the little guy’s still not totally a fan of a lot of noise. He does alright by prolonged exposure makes him just a tiny bit fussy. 

It’s a good sign when Jae looks around, eyes bright. “Oh yeah, lots of new sights around here,” Calum states softly. The store is not as bad as he originally thought. There’s still a lot of people out and about but somehow they don’t seem to be all swarming the shopping floor. He can only imagine what the checkout line looks like, but that’s more of a worry for later--if he even finds the matching onesies. 

The speakers overhead pump Christmas music through the store. Thought Calum wouldn’t call himself big on Christmas, he finds humming along, fingers brushing along the various fabrics as he weaves through the aisles and racks. Calum gets sidetrack on his way to the Christmas displays spying an intriguing button up--it’s black with a dotted pattern. Up close he can see there’s little snowflakes instead of actual circles. 

He shouldn’t get it, but he finds his size and figures he’ll hold onto it and debate whether or not he’s going to give into the impulse buy. Returning back to his assigned course, Calum debates if he’s going to go for the reindeer onesies or if he’s going to go for the ones decorated in various trees. “Your mum’s going to kill me if I show up with reindeer onesies, but you’d be cute. Maybe death ain’t so bad.” 

It takes a few minutes to consider all the options though, checking out what’s available in all the sizes they’d need. Calum catches the tiny whine Jae starts up with and soothing bounces him. “Okay, bud, I got it. I’ll be quick.”

Calum hopes death comes swift as grabs the reindeer onesies. Calum rushes over to the baby section. He knows without a doubt there are Christmas onesies hanging out. And sure enough, with only a two minutes search, Calum is able to grab Jae a matching outfit too and turns for the registers. On his trek, Calum does put back the button up--he doesn’t need it at the time being. 

The line is long. Jae’s settled for the time being, but Calum knows it might not take much to set him off. The cashier’s seem to be working fast so Calum risks it. He steps into line with a deep exhale. The first couple of minutes is goes by without a problem. And he manages to inch up just a little. However, by the time they get halfway through the life, Jae’s earlier whines start back up. 

Softy, Calum shushes him, running his free hand up and down Jae’s back. “It’s okay.” If this doesn’t work, Calum will just abandon the line and hope once Jae’s settle he can find the outfits again. 

 For a minute Jae seems to be settling and the line shuffles up again. However, they seemingly get stuck under/near a speaker hidden in a ceiling tile because the beef between Heat Miser and Snow Miser gets louder and that in turns sets off Jae. A cry spills from his throat. Not ideal, but Calum looks to see how many people are behind him--there’s only a few in front. But the sound of Jae’s cries tells Calum not to push it. 

“I gotcha, I gotcha,” Calum whispers to Jae, turning and shimmying past the people in line. He mutters a few apologies and though, he would normally find the rack to place the clothes back on, Calum doesn’t want to take too long in case this is a diaper change cry. 

“I know loud noises aren’t a favorite of yours, buddy. We’ll get somewhere quieter, promise.” 

Free from the line, Calum shuffles to the bathroom. “Alright, let’s see what’s causing these tears.” It’s partially a diaper change. Though in a clean diaper, Jae doesn’t settle completely. “Hungry?”

It doesn’t hold interest. Calum tries a few other things before just resigning to the fact that it might’ve been sensory overload on Jae’s part. Calum drags Jae’s blanket over his shoulder  and nestles him into it. Holding him close to his chest, Calum slips the backpack back onto his shoulder. “Okay, we can go chill out in the car. Try another store--hopefully less crowded.”

The cries haven’t completely stopped but they have faded. Calum doesn’t even glance over to where he stuck the onesies. They’re not important right now, an always be attained at some other point. Right on the mat that leads out of the store, Calum catches some voice shouting, “Sir!”

He doesn’t stop, assuming it’s someone trying to reach someone else. however, another, “Sir!” fills the air and Calum slows, turning his head. He doesn’t spot anyone at first, well not anyone that he recognizes are seems to be trying to get his attention but on a second pass over the faces, an older woman at the register holds up a bag. 

“Me?” Calum questions, readjusting Jae quickly and tucking him more into his chest and neck. 

The woman waves him over, before quickly turning back to the cashier. Calum steps a step forward, still unsure of what’s happening. He doesn’t know her. He thinks she might’ve been in the line either in front or behind him, but he doesn’t really know at all. 

“Is-is everything okay?” Calum tries to see what’s in the bag and then mentally runs through his mind of what he could’ve dropped in line. All the bags from the craft store are in the truck. His phone and wallet are in his pockets, along with his keys. 

“I should be asking the little one that,” she grins. Calum studies her face. He’d figure forties at the latest, two younger kids at her side. He wishes he did know her, then this would make this last strange. “Double check that these are all that you needed. Two adult onesies and then one for the baby, right?”

Calum’s heart nearly drops to his ass. “Wh-What?”

“Check that it’s all right,” she returns holding out one bag. The two kids hold bags of their own. “I don’t know if you were getting anything else, all I saw you put back were the onesies.”

“I-I can’t.” Jae wriggles in his arms and Calum sighs for a moment before bouncing him gently. “You really didn’t have to.”

“Well, now, I don’t have to do anything, you’re right. But I wanted too. I’ve been down this road. And the fact that you put your son above all, besides, it’s Christmas.”

Calum doesn’t even think to correct her thoughts on Jae instead he peeks inside the bag to see three outfits and a receipt. “Ma’am, really, I-I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I-I can pay you back.” Calum fumbles for a second to reach his wallet but she stills him with pat on his arm and a smile. 

“No need sweetheart. Take care of that handsome one and enjoy your holidays.” With that, she takes a hand of each of the kids with her and then continues on past. 

Calum watches her, unsure if it’s real or not. Unsure if he’s really living this. Someone, possibly a manager, comes down to the register he’s standing in front of. “Everything okay, sir?”

“I-yeah. Maybe a Christmas miracle?” he exhales facing them. 

It’s another woman with a smile. “She’s a regular here. Does stuff like this all the time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. The second you got out of line, she was on it trying to get the stuff you put down.” Lined on the front of the registers are a line of gift cards. No good deed should go without something good in return. 

He grabs one quickly. “Can I put 50 on this?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” The question clearly comes as a surprise. Calum knows by now in all his shock he’s not likely to find the woman in the parking lot. As the machine asks him to remove his card, Calum instructors them to use it for the next person in line. 

“You sure?”

He nods. “Yes, I’m very sure. Thank you, for taking me.” He grabs the bag and hurries back through the door. 

“You really bought reindeer onesies?” Cace sighs, peering into the bag. 

Jae sits in a rocker nearby. The moment Calum got him into the car his nerves completely settled and he went back his is normal bubbly self. Calum gulps down a third of the glass of water. “I didn’t buy it. But yes, reindeers.”

“What do you mean you didn’t buy them?”

“The line was long and I got stuck under the speaker in the store. Jae had been getting a tiny fussy beforehand but the music was the tipping point. So I stepped out of line. Just as I got Jae mostly settled, I figured I’d take him out to the car let him completely reset basically before trying again to snag the clothes. A woman in line saw me leave with him and she paid for it. One of the managers or something said she does stuff like that all the time.”

“She what?”

“Yeah, she paid for it while I in the bathroom. I guess the line was moving faster than I thought but I didn’t want to just ignore Jae, so I just made the call to leave line.”

“A Christmas miracle,” Cace returns. 

“Something like that. Did you rest well?”

“I didn’t wake up until you called and said you were on your way. So yes, much needed.” Leaning into the kitchen table, Cace uses her foot to add extra bounce for Jae. “I noticed there’s a second adult onesies in there.”

“Sue me. I wanted in on cheesy photos too.”

“Good thing phone cameras come with timers,” she grins. “Sticking around for arts and crafts too? I gotta feed Jae in another half an hour. Or am I still in Mum jail?”

“I’ll stick around. But you’re still in Mum jail, so that means I make Jae’s ornament--you sip on the non-alcoholic bubbly and gingerbread cookies you bought.”

“I do vote pictures first. Because there’s bound to be a mess.”

“Nah, it’ll be fine.” It can be that much of a mess, especially if Calum doesn’t bother with glitter. 

“You say that now,” she laughs. “But if you think there won’t be a mess, be my guest. I’m going to sip on non-alcoholic bubbly, eat gingerbread cookies, and enjoy this show.” 

Cace pops open the white grape sparkling juice and a fancy wine glass. Her second trip into the kitchen is for the tin of cookies--actually full of cookies--and settles at the kitchen table. She sits opposite of Calum’s ornament crafting setup. And it takes him until Cace has to feed and rather than fussing about with moving to another room, she drapes the privacy blanket over. The amusement is settled in deep on her face as she watches Calum try to sketch out his design. 

“I will say, I’m glad you’re a musician,” she teases. 

“Ya know what, not everyone can have a Dad who’s like a world renowned artist.”

“Tattoo artist, and trust me the drawing gene skipped me.”

Calum scoffs. “Then you’re talking a lot shit for a non-drawing-gene. But that does explain who you got into legal things.”

Her laughter is sharp. “Something like that. Though I think it might be more about me liking raining on some parades. Besides, who else can you call that will scare your team at just a name-drop?”

Calum points the pen cap in her direction with a nod. “I never suspected that you’d shake grown men to their core. But just the casual mention of you and you’d think they’d seen ghosts.”

Cace winks, readjusting the burping blanket. “I have that effect sometimes.”

“Can I burp him?”

“You’ve stolen my son!”

“Oh c’mon, I’m his Godfather.”

“You now Godfather Cal has a certain ring to it.” Cace turns down her mouth into a frown, dropping the octave in her voice, as she hoists Jae onto . “You come into my house on the day of my daughter’s wedding.”

Calum giggles at her impression but doesn’t push on the burping request. “I still prefer Uncle Cal. Easier to say.”

It’s as Calum can only watch the paint splatter onto the page does he immediately regret not taking Cace’s advice and taking photos first. Jae continues to hammer into the paint and thankfully, Cace doesn’t lose her head about messes. But Calum can only imagine what the green paint is going to look like against her yellow walls. 

“Jae, c’mon, work with me,” Calum sighs, lifting his tiny hand and then presses onto the felt. “Your Mum’s going to murder the both of us. But very slowly.”

Cace gasps from the end of the table. “I can hear you you know! I wouldn’t kill either one of you. Just tell you I told you so, repeatedly. Until you’d wish I have of killed you.”

“Just be glad I decided against opening the glitter.”

“Why would you buy glitter, Calum?” 

“I don’t know. I was in a craft store. I blacked out and when I came to, there was glitter in my basket.”Jae watches the exchange and slams a hand with paint onto the table. Calum’s sigh is audible and she watches him deflate in the chair. “It’ll come out I promise.”

“Or it doesn’t and I can forever mark that as the spot that Uncle Cal and Jae DIY’ed Christmas ornaments and when I’m old and nothing but skin and bones, I’ll pass the table onto him for his kids to make arts and crafts on and it becomes a legacy.”

Calum feels the wet hand on his chest through his t-shirt and cringes. Cace continues on. “Or what doesn’t come out is that stain on your shirt and you forever think twice about not listening to me. The pictures will be a story to remember. When my dad ask me why does Jae have a green nose and I tell him before pictures were taken he and Calum made ornaments and I advised ornaments second but Calum wanted to do that first and I scrubbed my son down as best as I could, but you know how green paint is.”

“You are not helping,” Calum whispers. 

“Oh, no, I’m not. But you’re right. I needed Mum jail.” Her raised eyebrow and pointed sip from her glass tells Calum he’s going to be the one cleaning up and only him. 

He doesn’t want her to be right. But even after ornaments are left to dry and he scrubs down Jae there is still a bit of residue, a hint of what color once took up residency on his skin that don’t completely fade reminds Calum to maybe listen to Cace since she’s the one dealing with a baby day in and day out. Though Calum would’ve liked to think he was a pretty good second. He’s there for a lot but there might be some things he hadn’t had to think through just yet on the whole baby front. 

His t-shirt is ruined and the battle of baby vomit vs t-shirts should’ve warned Calum to not wear anything he holds too precious. But clothes are just clothes in the grand scheme of things. “You’re lucky you’re cute, Jae.”

Calum gets him into the onesie and settles him into the rocking seat to see what he can do about the wall. The table made it with very minimal damage and Calum’s sure with another passover the little that does remain will come out. Cace kneels on the floor, a bucket beside her and the sounds of scrub hits his hears. “Hey, Mum jail, remember,” Calum returns. 

“Oh, I couldn’t let you suffer for that long without helping. I’ll probably have to repaint in some points, or I wait until he gets way older and just let whatever mess he creates exist and possibly turn it into some masterpiece.”

“You said the art gene skipped you.”

She laughs. “I did say possibly. As in an option.”

“I can help you repaint next week.”

“Wanna borrow one of my--what did you call it, an ultimate robe?”

“What are you on about?”

“Undershirt. I call them a white beater. You’ve got tons of them. You called it the ultimate robe in an interview once.”

“You said you didn’t watch those.”

“I don't normally. I saw a clip.”

“And you remembered from how long ago?”

Cace shrugs, dipping her rag into the water at her side. “Who knows at this point? You’re lucky I still remember my own name.” 

The thing Calum’s learned about Cace is that’s it’s true. She can hardly ever remember things about herself, but she’s always got it together for those around her. And that’s why he pushed for her to take today--because she needed the time for herself. And even if it’s hard because of a baby he still wants to be the one there for her. He would always have her back. He’d buy cheesy matching onesies and hold bells behind the camera to get Jae to look up and he’d fake pose decorating an already decorated Christmas tree and he’d hoist Jae into his arms and tickle the little boy’s side and he’d take the most unflattering pictures of Cace only to make it up with the most flattering ones right after if it meant that at the end of it all, she knew he had her back. 

Cace reclines into Calum’s side, Jae seated in her lap. The phone’s still counting down but she’s not worried about that. She looks up, watching Calum watching her. “I’m not the camera,” he teases. 

“Nah, but you’re a close second.” 

Calum kisses the top of her head, mostly aware of the shutter of the camera. “I’ll take that. Though I should be number one. Now actually face the camera once I set this up again.”

“No promises,” Cace laughs. Though she does look at the camera the second time. She can faintly see the slightly out of focus string lights on the trees. And inside the square it’s bound to be picturesque. There’s no walls with green paint or t-shirts ruined, or still open can of cookies that she absolutely thought she had covered and put back up. And maybe it’s okay if perfection only exist inside that square. And maybe it’s okay if her house is a mess and she’s a mess, and Calum’s a mess because at least she had the few people that cared around still.

********

Joy hadn’t anticipated seeing Calum’s handwriting on a letter just yet. His card usually came with him in person. But she doesn’t let the curiosity simmer too long and flips over the white envelope to pop the golden sticker holding it close.  A beautiful white, gold and green card greets her, with Merry Christmas on it. 

When she open the card, a couple photos slip down and she can see the black ink with Calum’s telling handwriting. She spies Cace and Jae standing in front of a tree, a decorating dangling in her hand. The second photo is Cace, Calum and Jae seated on the floor, smiling with the twinkling lights fading in the background. There’s a third of Calum and Jae too. All three of them matching with reminders antlers poking out from the hood of their pj’s. 

The typography of the inside of the card is the same as the outside, Season Greetings. But just above it is a note, from Cace, Jae, and Calum. And then just below the standard greeting of the card is more from Calum. 

Hi Mum, 

I know this card normally comes with me attached but I didn’t want to forget to send these pictures. 

I made Cace take a day and partially it was successful. Another part was disastrous. Disaster struck with paint and ornaments but I know you said you wanted more pictures of Jae too. These felt appropriate. He’s getting bigger, like everytime I blink he’s in a new size. I don’t know how Cace does it. How she just watches him everyday and doesn’t worry that time is moving too fast. Maybe she does worry and does her best just to focus on the day at hand. I don’t know how you did it with Mali and me. I’m sure it was the same thing--everyday just us shooting up with almost no end in sight. You’ll be happy to know Cace and Jae are doing well too. She started work again and takes him most days. Some days she drops him off at a daycare. He seems to handle it well for now. Soon, she says she’ll be dropping him off more than half the week at the daycare. So we’ll know for sure how Jae feels about that when that happens. 

Send me some Oz summer. I wasn’t sure I was ready to jump into onesies just yet and even after this pictures, I still don’t think I am. Love you and miss you. 

Calum. 

[theweirdanimatronic]

😀

why did tumblr just recommend me 5 dif onceler accounts 0_0

[afy2018]

Going Through Changes Ch. 1

[Aug. 24th, 2020]

It was very early, that Monday morning, when Sara woke up. The curtain, being partially closed, revealed the sun’s strong rays. She glanced over to her roommate, Samantha Santos, who was still sound asleep. Sara slid out of her bed and quietly got changed, taking a moment to turn off her alarm so it would not go off. She grabbed her bag and books before swiping her wallet, keys, and phone. It was almost completely quiet in the dorms. She could hear some muffled conversations as she made her way down the hall. There was a student in the lobby, working as a campus officer and another working the desk.

Sara waved and continued to the cafeteria. The campus had a few students walking around, but most were either already in class or just getting ready for another early morning class. Even the breeze was calm and tired, barely grazing through the trees. The building’s lights were still on like stars to pave the way through the university. Sara gazed at the stars that still lightly speckled the sky. She tried to find the familiar constellations before they disappeared into the daylight.

Sara made her way into the cafeteria where there were only five other students getting breakfast as they waited for their day to begin. Sara walked in line to buy a breakfast burrito and a bottle of orange juice.

She peeled back the thin shiny wrapper and made her way to her classroom. There were more students walking around as she made her way through the campus and to the F Building. The professor’s offices were mostly dark with only one person in their room - that Sara could see. She made her way to her classroom. Still fifteen minutes ahead, Sara walked into the almost empty classroom. Her Professor stood at the podium-desk next to his notes and a pile of syllabi, just waiting to start the new semester. Professor Wright was a portly old man with a bulbous nose that hooked at the end. His dark eyes were full of life as he waited for the lecture hall to fill up and the hour to pass over.

Sara sat in the middle of the hall as the seats around her quickly filled up. She was surprised to see the number of women in the class. From what she could see, there was about one girl for every three boys in there with her. The moment the thin black minute hand on the clock at the back of the classroom ticked over the twelve, Professor Wright sprung to life.

“Good morning class. Welcome back.” He called out to his students. “I would like to start with those on the waitlist. Raise your hands so I can see… who or how many I need to add,” He quickly corrected, counting the seven students on the waitlist. “Okay. After class come up and I’ll email you the add code. Now,” He sighed, grabbing a stack of papers, “time for my favorite part, the syllabus.” He handed it to a blonde boy up in the front of the row and walked back to his desk. “Now, I have a PDF on canvas if there aren’t enough to go around. The important dates and my office hours are on the front. My rules of the classroom are on the second page, my recommended resources- all free- are listed in the very back. In the middle, you will find the description for your Final, your Midterm, and your three research papers. There isn’t any homework for this class. Show up to the lectures and you will pass. I take attendance once that hand reaches 8:00. If you are late to class because of reasons you cannot control, call, text, and email in that order with evidence Like hospital wrist band, pictures of your car troubles, et cetera. Any questions?”

A few students began to ask questions. Someone asked about the way he wanted the assignments turned in, another asked about the late policy. As important as these questions and answers were, Sara felt like something was off. She glanced around the slanted beige room and found a pair of dark chocolate eyes watching her. Her father had always taught her to be vigilant to any threat, especially on campus, but as she glanced at the person staring at her, she just nodded in their direction, feeling no malice, just curiosity from them.

There was a young woman with dark brown hair pulled back in a tight bun. She had tan golden skin that was mostly covered with by a dark green sweatshirt that said “CCRI Knights”; the rest was too small for Sara to read. The woman quickly glanced at another student in the room with her, twirling her pencil around her fingers.

Sara tore her gaze away from her and focused back on her professor. Wright was talking about his thoughts on social media for some reason, making Sara wish she’d learned the context to this rant. By studying how he spoke, Sara could tell that this guy was a rambler as the reviews on Rate My Professor had warned, but he was the highest rated professor for this class, so she decided that she’d just have to sit through it. Of all types of professors to have, “The Rambler” was not the worst kind at all.

Lost in her thoughts, Sara missed whatever Professor Wright had said to end the class. She quickly gathered her belongings and headed to the cafeteria. On her way there, she passed by the art wing. There was a glinting and sparkling piece that caught her eye from one of the hallways. She followed the way down, taking a quick moment to explore the small art garden.

There was a large glittering glass mosaic wall. It was a beautiful piece reflecting the native flora and fauna of New Jersey. There was a deer and a fox by the river with a fish hopping out. The colors were beautiful, with iridescent glass on the birds and trees, bronze for the deer, and a fiery amber for the fox.

Sara glanced at her phone to check the time, she still had an hour and forty minutes until her next class, great to get food from Jeepers. She headed back out of the art garden and to the casual restaurant. Sara had been there before because it came with her meal plan. Jeepers was a fun place with a lot of seating for the students. She kind of wondered how busy it was going to be.

Walking into Jeepers, Sara spotted a familiar face by the windows on the barstool. It was that girl in the forest green sweater. Even though her back was turned to her, Sara could still tell it was her. She decided to grab a bite before the lines got too long and sit next to her. They could swap numbers just in case either of them missed a class.

Sara walked in line and ordered an Asian chicken wrap, grabbed a bag of original Skinny Pop, a banana, and a bottle of water. She waited behind a string bean guy who could not have been any taller than Sara herself. He had a slight frame with messy brown hair. When he turned to look back at Sara, she first noticed his thick sharp brown eyebrows, then his wide and inviting smile.

“Hey.” He greeted.

“Hey, how’s it going?”

The young man shrugged and grabbed his food. “Pretty good. I just got out of my first college class.” He finished with an excited smile.

Sara couldn’t help but smile back. “So this is your first year?” She asked paying for her meal.

“Yeah! I’m Barry, Barry Allen.” He introduced, quickly reaching over to shake her hand.

“Hey, Barry, I’m Sara Lance.” She smiled. “I’m a Junior here.”

“Really?”

“Yup.” She answered, taking her food and thanking the cashier. “Did you get the turkey club?”

“Yeah, why?”

“No reason.” She shrugged, “Bye Barry.”

“Wait, why?” He asked again.

Sara chuckled to herself, just pulling his leg. She walked to the window where her classmate was sitting and took the spot to her left. The girl looked at Sara, tearing her focus away from the textbook in front of her.

“Hey, you’re in my Ethics class right?” Sara inquired.

“Yeah, I’m Nyssa.” She greeted, closing her book.

“Sara, without an H.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“So Criminal Justice major, too?”

“Yeah. I’m here for my masters before I join the UN Security Force.”

“Same here, but I want to join the CIA or the FBI. What’s the UN Security Force?”

“The part I want to join in is the Blue Berets, it’s their armed forces. They’re also known as the Peacekeepers. They help protect people like the victims of African raiders and ISIS.”

“Wow.”

“What about you?”

“I want to become an agent. Hey, do you want to swap numbers, you know just in case one of us misses class?”

“Oh, yeah, sounds good to me.”

Sara reached into her backpack and pulled out a pencil and pad of sticky notes. She quickly jotted down her phone number, email, and name before peeling it off and handing it to Nyssa.

“So what’s CCRI?” She asked while entering the number into her phone.

“Community College of Rhode Island.”

“Oh wow, that’s a long ways away.”

“Yeah, but I really wanted to get out of there,” Nyssa sighed. “What about you. Where are you from?”

“New York.”

“Wow, I’ve always wanted to go there! What’s it like?”

“I mean, it’s a mix. One moment you’re in the city and the next you’re in the suburban hills, then you’re in another state. What about Rhode Island, I’ve never been there.”

“I mean, really it’s a tiny state that it mostly a bay then another state almost right away.” She joked, glancing at the clock on her phone. “Well, I have to go. I’ll see you around, Sara.”

“See you, Nyssa.” Sara smiled, not partaking in her meal as Nyssa walked away.

As Nyssa walked away, Sara’s phone went off in her pocket. A text lit up from her phone with the message “Hey Sara, it’s Nyssa.”

Sara texted back, “Hey, dude”, before adding her into her contacts as, ‘Nyssa (The Cute Girl)’. She glanced at her phone and continued to eat her lunch.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was her third and final class of the day and Sara was actually kind of glad. She walked to the building and went down the hallway to her last class. She was glad to have ceramics between her major classes because it was a nice break. Sara walked into the classroom and sat down in the middle with a few other students. She set up her belongings, getting ready to write down her schedule and organized her planner, highlighting the two syllabi she placed on her desk. Someone tapped on her shoulder, making Sara glance up at them. It was Nyssa again. Sara quickly moved her backpack out of the chair next to her and smiled up at her.

“You stalking me, Nyssa?” She joked.

“I mean you saved me a spot.” She taunted back. “Were you expecting me?”

Sara chuckled and went back to fixing her planner as their teacher spoke to a few students. She glanced at her phone, two minutes before class, and their professor had already begun to hand out the syllabus and a few other papers. Once they made their round to Sara and Nyssa, it seemed that the extra papers were meant to introduce the students to their teacher. It was a Getting-to-Know-You page off of the internet. Sara filled out the survey and re-read her answers again.

“Alright, I want you to go to seven people and learn their name and one thing off of that paper.” He proclaimed, sitting back in his chair.

Sara turned to Nyssa and asked, “What was your first pet’s name?”

“Levi, he was a frog. What about you?”

“I had a Canary named Tweedie.”

“Like Tweety bird?”

“Yeah.” Sara chuckled writing Nyssa’s answer by the question.

She then went to a six other classmates of hers, learning that a boy named Nicola was born in Montana, a girl named Denise is a Pisces, another boy named James wanted to be a farmer growing up, Rachel has four siblings, Evan would want to rename himself, Charles, and Alex played bass in a Math-Rock band. It was fun, much more fun than Sara thought it would be. She was glad that she could keep the paper, it was interesting to learn more about her peers. As their class ended, they packed their belongings and began out the door.

“Hey, Nyssa, you wanna get something to eat at the cafeteria?” Sara asked, trying to catch up with her.

“Oh, yeah.”

“So, judging by your community college, I’m guessing that you’re not a local.” Sara wondered on their way.

“Yeah, I’m staying in University Court.”

“Really? Me, too. I’m in building 8.”

“Building 2.”

“So, what are you getting?”

“I haven’t tried their pasta choices yet.” Nyssa shrugged.

“Might I recommend the manicotti? It’s stuffed with ricotta and Italian sausage. It’s really filling.”

“How much do you get?” Nyssa asked pulling out her wallet.

“Like,” Sara began trying to size it up with her hands, “this big, and you get two.”

“Wow… I mean I’ve never had the manicotti?”

“Yeah, and they’re really good. Especially the ones they make here.”

“I think I’ll get it then. What about you?”

Sara glanced at the menu and shrugged. “I’m gonna get a burrito, or… nah, I’ll just stick with a Ceasar salad. After this, we should head back to the dorms.”

“Oh, why?”

“They close at 8:30.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s in, like, fifteen minutes.” Nyssa nodded before going up to order.

“So,” Sara began, unfolding a paper in her pocket, “while our food’s getting ready. ‘What is your favorite holiday?’”

“The questionnaire?”

“Yup.”

“Halloween. You?”

“Christmas.”

“Wasn’t one of the questions, like, what’s your least favorite holiday?”

“Yeah, mine’s Christmas again.”

“Why?”

Because my birthday’s Christmas day and it’s kind of annoying to constantly be compared to Jesus by religious friends, the antichrist by regular friends, and a Christmas miracle by distant family.”

“I bet you only got Christmas presents, too. Not much of a birthday celebration?”

“Yeah. No parties either because everyone traveled for the holidays.”

“So,” Nyssa asked glancing at the paper. “You can hotwire a car?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you learn that?”

“From some friends in high school.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. What’s a weird fact about you?”

“Well, it’s not really weird more as it’s just a fact about me.”

“Anything will do.”

“Well, I did jujitsu until high school.”

“Really? Why’d you stop?” Sara asked grabbing their food.

“I started wrestling. It became too much to play a sport and do another one outside of school. Did you play any sports in high school?”

“No, but I did use to fight. It helped that had learned some basic skills from my dad.”

“Wait, like fist fighting?”

“Yeah, I’d fight for money.”

“Wow, were you good?”

“My stats were pretty good. I could beat most people, but I wasn’t great, just had a lot of stamina.”

“I did not expect that from you, you look like… well like…”

“A princess? Yeah, just to the public, but in private I’m not so nice and proper.” She joked.

“Are you a secret queen of underground fighting rings?”

“Depends, are you gonna 21 Jump Street me?”

Nyssa rolled her eyes and took a bite of the manicotti. “Oh wow, that’s pretty damn good!”

“I know right?” Sara chuckled looking at the paper again. “So, we did one weird fact, siblings?”

“I have an older sister, Talia, and a younger brother, Saracon.” She told her, rounding the corner to University Court.

“I have an older sister, too, Laurel.”

“So what’s she up to?”

“She’s a lawyer. Right now she’s working for a small company. Last time she texted me, she said that she was getting ready for her first case defending a divorce settlement.”

“Wow, my sister works for my Dad’s business and my brother’s kind of AWOL, well to my dad and Talia, that is. My turn.” Nyssa said changing the subject to look at the paper. “If you could rename yourself what would it be?”

“Sara with an H.”

“So people don’t-”

“Don’t get my name wrong, yeah. What about you?”

“Amaal, I don’t know I just wrote down a random name.”

“Why Amaal first?”

“It’s a common name in my community.” She shrugged as they came upon the dorms. “Well, this is my stop.”

“Mine, too.”

“See you on Wednesday?”

“Yeah, I’m not planning on dropping any classes, so.”

“Alright, night, Sara without an H.”

“Night, Amaal,” Sara smirked, going to her dorm.

She went into the dorm and began to room 124. She took out her card key and placed it against the sensor, waiting for the beep, the green light, and the sound of the lock clicking out of place. She walked into the low lit room to see her roommate and “Big Sister” Sam Santos on her bed with her blankets pulled up her legs, her laptop slapped onto her stomach as she typed something onto the keyboard. Her hood was pulled over her head. She glanced around her device at Sara and gave her a large smile and closed the lid. Sam sat up and took a swig from her hydro flask.

“How was the first day?”

“Good. I met a new student who’s in my first and last class.”

“Cool.”

“What about you?”

“Very easy, so far.” She smirked brandishing her laptop.

“When’s your next class?”

“Well I have an online lecture at 9 and then an art class at noon, and finally my history classes back to back from 2 to 6.”

“I have the same schedule.”

“I don’t know how you do the early bird-night owl schedule.” Sam huffed.

“I enjoy it. Hey, when’s our first meeting?”

“It’s Sunday at noon. We have to sign up for shifts for Club Day.”

“Don’t we also have to elect a new leader?”

“Oh yeah, well, in the Spring.”

“Ally texted me that she wanted to start early.” Sara inquired, looking at her phone. “Dina said that they were talking about it… anyway, I don’t know though.”

“They’ll decide soon enough.” Sam sighed looking down at her laptop and opened it up again. “Oh, so about your new friend, what’s she like?”

“She’s nice and weirdly serious and laid back at the same time.”

“Sounds mysterious.”

“I don’t know about that. She’s a criminal justice major like myself,” Sara shrugged pulling on her pajamas, “she seems kind of nerdy though.”

“Sounds like a good girl,” Sam noted peeking up from her laptop.

Sara paused halfway pulling her shirt on. “It’s not like that.”

“Okay, okay, that’s not what you said about Riley Appletree.”

“First of all, it’s Riley Oglesbee. Second, he wasn’t too bad.”

“He was one of the messiest people I had ever met.”

“I liked him, he was really nice.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah… we went out to sushi a lot.” Sara shrugged.

“You liked him because he took you out for food and bought you stuff.”

“Yup.” She huffed sliding onto her bed.

“Honestly, I don’t blame you… but I do judge you.” Sam chuckled opening up a bag of kettle corn Popchips.

“You know I can’t let just you eat those.”

“I know.” She nodded scooting over for Sara.

[theyanderespecialist]

25 Days Of Christmas 12/25 Christmas Special 1 (One Shot) SCP 2030 X OC Marie (Yandere Christmas 2020) (SCP Foundation)

(Marie's pov)

I hum softly as I take out the cookies in the oven as my friend stood up. "Aight, I'm out."

"Okay, drive safe okay?" I said as they smiled and nodded as I looked into the living room and pick up the remote accidentally hitting play as I see that show they made me watch. Uh.. laugh love ..no uh.. Laugh is fun, that was it. Some really fucked up show. I didn't find it funny..and it was weird that the host never showed his face.

To be honest ever since I first watched it with them I've been feeling watched. I've also found flowers outside of my apartment, though I assume it must be a mix up with numbers.

I sigh as I grab the plate and wash it before putting it away before I hear something, the Television must have come back on. I went to turn it off when I hear a knock as I slowly open the door only to see a young kid.

"Donations for those in need?" They asked as I looked at them and smiled.

"Sure. One second." I said as I grabbed my wallet. I lived alone and my family was all over seas and Didn't really want gifts so that saved me a lot of money, might as well give it to someone who does need it. I dug out the money, giving them two fifties.

"Woah, thanks miss! The children's hospital thanks you!" They said as I smiled and waved. God children are adorable. I close the door before feeling a presence as I hear laughing from the tv.

I shake my head and go to my bedroom and on my bed was a gift box in laughing emoji Christmas paper. I look around confused. My memory may not be great but I don't think that was there.

"..uh.. is ..someone here?" I asked scared

I did not hear anything and slowly open the box and inside was a sexy Mrs. Clause dress and asescories with a note. "Try me on! ;3"

I felt my face turn red as I didn't know who left that. Did I forget I brought this in? Maybe my friend gave it to me and I forgot? I didn't really want to put it on..bit of my friend got it as a gag gift, they still spent money. I pick up the note before it unfolded. "Or else." That was rather ominous. They really were pushing it. I take it and slowly undress though I felt watched still, but I'm also a paranoid person. I managed to put it on as I felt so embarrassed. I never really showed my body..

I was even in fishnet stockings and stripper heels and black fake latex gloves. I looked at myself it seemed a bit over the top but it was still a bit cute. I mean.. yeah it was so far out of my comfort zone yet..i felt cute. It even matched my lipstick I already had However in the mirror, since it was closer to the floor since I just use it for my outfits, I saw shoes..

I screamed as I turned around and a man was there.

"w-who are you?!" I asked scared before I noticed the suit..it was the same suit as that host on that show.

"I am the host Laughy Mclaugherson." He says grinning. "And you are in my Holiday special!"

I'd seen what happens on his shows. How people are mutilated and die or go missing.

"N-No that's okay! I-I don't really want to be on a show" she said nervously

(oh girl he ain't gonna hurt or prank or use you. He is gonna make you feel good, you're gonna like it, and you're going to disappear with him and be with him forever with no possible escape. Sounds great. I mean the alternative is her harms or uses you and humiliates you before he kills you, so really option 1 is the best

(XD So true)

"No no, there will be no pranks, or humilation, or anything like that. Just me making you mine!" He says cheerfully.

I stared scared. "W-What do you mean?" I asked as I hear laughing.

"well I left flowers for you ever since you've watched my show, bit you never brought them inside. But that's okay because I do know you called down because you thought someone got the wrong room." He said smiling. "So I though I should be more direct. And frankly I've waited months. I can't keep waiting and it's Christmas. The time of giving."

I stared at him in shock oh no. I didn't know what to do when he suddenly walked closer. The cheerful smile turning to a more.. suggestive one. He had me backed against the wall either of his arms on either side of my head caging me in. Oh God he is also really taller than me. Like ..way taller. He wasn't unattractive..bit I don't know him..and I was scared. Not only that he said Christmas special meaning this could be filming..

He smiled at me and leaned down stealing my lips with his. I tensed up as he kissed me. I don't know what to do. I was shocked as he licked my lips but I wouldn't open my mouth. He pulled back and smirked and kissed me again while tickling my sides. That got me to open my mouth as I involuntarily laughed from the tickling trying to pull away.

(god I'm the worst when it comes to tickling.)

(Same and I do not like to be tickled XD I just hate it XD)

(No it's not that it's that pretty much all of me is ticklish)

(Oh no XD That is bad XD)

He shoved his tongue in and started to stroke my body and he was a really good kisser I could not help but moan. But I couldn't get it out of my mind what he said about the episode. But there was no camera crew so there's no way. Maybe this is just one weird dream. Probably fell asleep..so might as well enjoy it. I kissed back albeit nervously as he grips onto me.

(I mean xD if it were a dream then go for it. XD but it aint)

(XD)

I stroked down his body and felt his chest okay not to buff but not a string bean

(pfff xD I mean I am a girl who likes the middle like some mussel but also kinda scrawny like the middle

He pulled away giving a small laugh as I look at him shyly. Yeah this was some wired dream. I need to get out more.

But no harm of I want to enjoy it. I let my hand run down a little more as he suddenly yet only slightly tensed before looking at me that same smirk on his face as he pulled away as I gave a whine.

"You want this beautiful?" He asks kissing down my neck making me giggle a bit.

That's the one down side to being tickilish, everything would make me laugh. I nodded as he smiled, I could feel it in my neck.

(Finally! Get to the good stuff! >:3)

"Then lie down." He said smiling as I smiled and laid down as he looked at me before he looked at me with a smirk that showed he was definitely up to no good as he looked at a toe hanging on my wardrobe. I was going to give that to a friend but he didn't like ties. He suddenly walked over and put my hands above my head and tied them tight. Really tight.

"I hope you don't mind the cameras watching." He said suddenly as my eyes widen.

(Yeah there it is. The little bastard)

(she did agree she wanted it xD that's on her)

(XD)

He kisses me and I wiggles around it was to late now. There wasn't much I could do but kiss back before I feel him pull away as his hands rub my thigh getting closer to my inner thigh when I hear a rip of fabric as he has ripped the tights as his hand pushed down on my underwear right on my sensitive clit as I suddenly squirm biting my lip trying not to kick and let out a laugh.

He smirked at me. "Oh so your ticklish here too~~"

"o-oh come on not there!" I said knowing that tone as he simply smirked as he moved to be standing to the side bit still able to rub me right on that spot as I could feel the pain from biting as I finally let out a small laugh as I kicked with my leg.

He grins and does it more driving me crazy. I squirm as I could feel myself building up closer and closer as my breathing became uneven.

He tehn pulled away and I looked at him shocked.

"Really??" I demand.

"We are just getting started~ Think of this as a punishment for not accepting my flowers." He says with a laugh.

(XD Someone is a salty bitch XD)

-To Be Continued- 

[hel-of-niflheim]

Yesterday was Raining

Today is January 5, 2020.

The sky finally warmed up from the heavy rain that fell since the start of the year.

Evelyn could feel the soft rays of the sun in the early morning.

Today is also the last day that she would stare at nothing and mumble randomness to her favorite pot plant that she has been taking care of for a golden number of years.

Before closing the white curtains of their worn-up window, she first inhaled the cool blows of the northeast only for her nostrils to be filled with the bittersweet aroma of the black coffee that she was heating.

Evelyn hurried to the kitchen and clumsily poured the coffee in two mugs,

staining the white lacy mantle.

“Ay putangina!” she said while wiping the brown color of the fabric as if it would instantly undo the tinge, but it only smeared more and burned her a little.

She earned a small chuckle from the old man sitting on a wheelchair at the table. “Almost 70 years and you still move with no grace,” his hoarse voice struggled to pitch higher. He has always been the silent man, especially up to now.

Evelyn did not respond and instead rolled her eyes. She held the mug, blew on it passionately, and put it on Laury’s lips. The old man then slowly sip, careful not to burn his mouth like what his wife did to her fingers.

Hmmm… Evelyn always makes good coffee. He remembered how she offered him one while waiting for the sun to rise during the day when he was still working for her family’s house. The coffee was the best thing he had tried. Its sugar did not take away the morning ache, but it added excitement from wanting to taste things other than bitterness. It tasted like an eternal chase for sunrise. Long after he finished the drink did he only took the liberty to glance at Evelyn. That was how they met and the house that he was making back then was theirs now.

“After never-ending years, we can think of nothing other than ourselves now,” Laury started.

Today is the first day that they would live in their house alone.

They already bid goodbye to their youngest daughter who was picked up by

her conveniently rich white husband yesterday.

And Evelyn knew what Laury meant by that. A trip. A trip that he had always asked her even from when their children just reached legality. But it never really happened. She promised to take him to the park yesterday, but the weather wasn’t so nice.

Now, nothing would hold them back.

She hardly felt at peace.

“You’re free as a bird, but not as healthy as a stallion.”

“You are the stallion—a clumsy one, I must say.”

“I’m not a stallion and I’m not your caregiver,” she said with an overdue weariness etched on her face.

“But you’re my wife,” he simply said.

“We, unfortunately, did not decide on that,” and the enthusiasm died.

It was true.

She was the only one willing about the marriage. Their parents arranged it all and had Laury part with his past lover who was secretly engaged to him.

He had always described his long-lost love as sunshine he would never feel again. His wife might have been adoringly strong like the black beans she always brews, but one can never easily outgrow a spark that was once believed to last forever. So Laury had no choice, then, but to cut strings

and Evelyn had to crawl on their first years as one.

Although she adored him deeply, the rift between them grew upon the ruins of his heart. He was like a sunflower longing to blossom, but it wasn’t she that he sought.

"Eve…”

"Sure, honey. We’ll go on a trip today. But later in the afternoon, we will visit your doctor.”

His frail façade shifted to satisfaction. The last time that he was left alone with only his wife, he still had black hair and dressed in a

stylish action star atmosphere.

After finishing breakfast, Evelyn put bags of clothes inside the car’s trunk. All the credit cards and money from her children were stashed in the compartment. She put Laury on the passenger’s seat, locked all possible doors in the house, and watered her plants generously—knowing that it would be a long time before she does it again.

After seating on the driver’s seat, Laury looked at her amused. “You’ll drive?”

She rolled her eyes and looked at his trembling body “Who else, will you?.”

“You once dreamt of being a racecar driver, Eve,” he said. He was struggling to speak out since aging got to him, “Baka maunahan kita sa

bilis mo magpatakbo.”

The old wife thought of what he said as nonsense and made sure she kept her eyes from rolling. He was the one in a wheelchair, of course, he’d go first.

And so today is an exciting day.

Evelyn and Laury would go on a trip together alone for the first time.

They had fun like in the past and agreed with each other without the influence of Evelyn’s coffee. They looked like they had been in a happily willing marriage all along. Building a safe and sound family for the children did strengthen their relationship. They even realized that their years of companionship weren’t really put to waste.

Today, the old couple got the chance to kindle their marriage.

They walked in a park, but Evelyn boasted that her garden was more flowery. They dined in a restaurant, but Laury insisted that his wife cooks his meal. They both fell asleep in the middle of the mass. Lastly, they longed for their peaceful house because it’s the only place where they were truly alone.

“Eve…” Laury said.

Evelyn went down to him and met his drowsy eyes.

“B-Beautiful.”

Evelyn’s heart swelled. Her eyes twinkled the same as before and even the stars, which were older and floated in an unknown universe, envied them because they had something they never once had—life.

It was the first time her husband called her beautiful and despite the wrinkles and fats all over her face, she felt as if the world stopped to look at her in every step.

His eyes passed hers and looked at her back, “…sunset.”

Oh. He meant that sunset is beautiful.

She stood up and continue to walk, ignoring the angst she felt.

“Okay, honey. It’s time to visit your doctor,” she noticed how his body became much feebler again. The tinge of color from his face a while ago slowly faded to pale cream.

They were about to drive to the hospital when Laury vehemently shook his head.

“S-sunset…” he pleaded, breathing’s hitched.

Laury looked at her knowingly as if waiting for his wife to take the hint.

Ah…

“Yes, love.”

It’s about high time. The day is about to end and she needed to make a big decision.

Now, Evelyn is driving back home.

“Eve…”

“Yes, my love, we’re almost there.”

“Eve…”

There he is with her name again… Always Eve—but never darling, love, or honey.

“Just a few houses to go. Hang in there, we’ll watch the sunset together.”

She glanced at Laury and found him smiling at her, but got shy and pulled away.

Back when their children were still in school, she remembered Laury blabbering about what a day is or something like that. She couldn’t remember exactly, but she never forgot about the sunset part when he said he wanted to romantically watch it together with her someday. Well, they always watch the sunset together from time to time, so it never occurred to her that it would be dramatic like now.

While driving, Evelyn suddenly thought of what his marriage with Laury was like. Although chaotic as it is, they have always been serene together, except that her heart was never put to ease. She made sure that he knew she loved him, but she also made it sure that she partly hated him for

putting thorns around her.

“Eve… L-lo--”

“Yes?”

They were finally back home. Laury fell asleep so his lids heavily drooped over his eyes. Evelyn woke him up until she got no response.

Dumbstruck by the sudden turn of events, it was the first time she felt numb.

“Laury… wake up… I’ll make you a coffee.”

----

This is the day Evelyn and Laury kindled their marriage.

Today is January 5, 2021.

Today is also the day that Laury died.

Evelyn took him inside the house, passing the wilting pot plant that swam in the water.

When they reached the garden where he could see the sunset, she started to weep.

The past sixty years had been spent as a perfect husband and wife, holding empty promises and chasing on so many things but time. He savored his morning dew too long while Evelyn kept on her bitter heart.

It was too late when Laury realized what kind of sunset he really wished to see. He failed to let her know that he had already loved her as his beautiful wife.

Now Evelyn remembered how Laury had begged her to go on a

trip with him yesterday as she caressed his face.

“Pasensiya ka na, ha… Umulan kasi kahapon.”

It was once full of life. His handsomeness was more golden than the rays of the sun that touched him.

[ask-torture-ler]

"Spleen, actually. Easier to hold."

"Got embarrassed? I didn't take you for the type to embarrass so easily."

Gimme kiss

“For twenty dollars I will throw you one from across the room.”

[jezfletcher]

1000 Albums, 2020: The Big Lists

Hey folks, I’ve written up my top albums and my top tracks of 2020, but there’s so much music released in a year, and restricting myself to just 30 albums, and 50 tracks is a difficult task.

As a result, I’ve compiled a longer list of my top tracks and albums (without write-ups), for your perusal. This is obviously more for the sake of completeness, but are here in case you’re interested in finding out if I at all rated something you liked this year (or, if you’re Sam, if you want to actually do a detailed comparison).

Want playlists? I’ve got playlists for you too:

My Top 50 Countdown - which I posted yesterday. This provides a sorted countdown of my top tracks from #1 to #50. (50 tracks)

My Top Tracks - a longer list of all the tracks I really rated highly this year. This accounts for a much larger number of artists, and includes most of the tracks I’ve listed below. (169 tracks)

My Top Tracks & Albums - a playlist containing all my top tracks, plus selections from all of my favourite albums of the year. (216 tracks)

My Top Tracks, Albums + Much, Much More - Are you game? Contains a huge, varied collection of music that we listened to this year. I really enjoyed all these tracks, and they provide a much broader collection of albums, artists and genres. (1,014 tracks)

Anyway, without further ado here’s my Top 200 Tracks, and Top 100 Albums:

Top Albums of 2020

100. Winnetka Bowling League - Congratulations (power pop)

99. Locate S, 1 - Personalia (art pop)

98. Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia (pop)

97. LukHash - Transient Offworld (synthwave)

96. The Drowns - Under Tension (street punk)

95. The Mystic Underground - Wrapped in Riddles (electro disco)

94. Jonathan Wilson - Dixie Blur (Americana noir folk)

93. Mighty Oaks - All Things Go (indie folk rock)

92. Kiesza - Crave (synthpop)

91. Dance Gavin Dance - Afterburner (post hardcore)

90. The O’Reillys and the Paddyhats - Dogs on the Leash (Celtic punk)

89. Warm Digits - Flight of Ideas (krautrock)

88. Dandelion Wine - Le Cœur (Australio dreamfolktronica)

87. Marc Scibilia - Seed of Joy (indie singer-songwriter)

86. Biffy Clyro - A Celebration of Endings (Scottish indie rock)

85. Savant - Void (complextro)

84. Cordovas - Destiny Hotel (Americana folk)

83. TTRRUUCES - TTRRUUCES (wonky pop)

82. The Claudettes - High Times in the Dark (Chicago piano blues)

81. Dustbowl Revival - Is It You, Is It Me (post country)

80. Sea Wolf - Through a Dark Wood (indie folk rock)

79. Cory Wong - The Striped Album (funk rock)

78. Someone - ORBIT II (psych pop)

77. Days N’ Daze - Show Me The Blueprints (H-town thrashgrass)

76. Blossoms - Foolish Loving Spaces (indie pop)

75. Kyros - Celexa Dreams (prog synth rock)

74. Dub Pistols - Addict (dub)

73. Grimes - Miss Anthropocene (dreampop)

72. The Hanging Stars - A New Kind of Sky (psychedelic folk)

71. Neon Trees - I Can Feel You Forgetting Me (indie pop)

70. The Corner Laughers - Temescal Telegraph (folk pop)

69. 3D Stas - Eleven (soiltronica)

68. Pantayo - Pantayo (kulingtang gong pop)

67. The National Parks - Wildflower (folk rock)

66. Pigeon John - Gotta Good Feeling (underground rap)

65. Novo Amor - Cannot Be, Whatsover (indie folk rock)

64. The Explorers Club - The Explorers Club (sunshine pop)

63. Poppy - I Disagree (bubblegum metal)

62. Overcoats - The Fight (indie pop)

61. Chemtrails - The Peculiar Smell of the Inevitable (psychedelic garage pop)

60. Joywave - Possession (indie pop)

59. Heart Bones - Hot Dish (indie pop)

58. Mitochondrial Sun - Mitochondrial Sun (darktronica)

57. L.A. Salami - The Cause of Doubt & A Reason To Have Faith (post blues)

56. Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open (alt rock)

55. Tunng - Dead Club (folktronica)

54. Butch Walker - American Love Story (glam rock)

53. Polly Scattergood - In This Moment (experimental pop)

52. The Beautiful Fear - The Waltz of the Moonshine Blind (prog rock)

51. The Altogether - Silo (acoustic pop rock)

50. KES - We Home (Trinidadian soca)

49. Man Man - Dream Hunting in the Valley of the In-Between (experimental rock)

48. Creeper - Sex, Death & The Infinite Void (horror punk)

47. Darlingside - Fish Pond Fish (indie folk)

46. Enter Shikari - Nothing Is True & Everything Is Possible (electronicore)

45. Trixie Mattel - Barbara (drag country)

44. City Mouth - Coping Machine (indie pop rock)

43. Bright Eyes - Down In The Weeds Where The World Once Was (indie rock)

42. The Texas Gentlemen - Floor It!!! (heartland rock)

41. Will Wood - The Normal Album (cabaret rock)

40. Maeve Gilchrist - The Harpweaver (harp folk)

39. rook&nomie - me&you (experimental pop)

38. Steep Canyon Rangers & Asheville Symphony - Be Still Moses (orchestral bluegrass)

37. Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters (art pop)

36. Sea Girls - Open Up Your Head (indie pop rock)

35. Michael Franti & Spearhead - Work Hard & Be Nice (reggae fusion)

34. Oneohtrix Point Never - Magic Oneohtrix Point Never (experimental electronica)

33. Ultrahappyalarm - Critical Daydream (happy hardcore)

32. The Living Tombstone - zero_one (Israeli electro rock)

31. The Flaming Lips - American Head (psychedelic rock)

30. Saint Saviour - Tomorrow Again (experimental folk)

29. Post Animal - Forward Motion Godyssey (psychedelic rock)

28. The Jerry Cans - Echoes (Inuit neo-folk)

27. Aloud - Sprezzaturra (blues rock)

26. The Phenomenal Handclap Band - PHB (psychedelic soul)

25. Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Reunions (alt country)

24. Badly Drawn Boy - Banana Skin Shoes

23. MOBS - Cinema Paradiso (80s pastiche pop)

22. Jason Wilson - Sumach Roots (eclectic folk)

21. DMA’s - The Glow (Australio indie rock)

20. Cornershop - England Is A Garden (chamber psych)

19. Igorrr - Spirituality and Distortion (baroque breakcore)

18. Eleventyseven - Basic Glitches (synthpunk)

17. Kate Rusby - Hand Me Down (indie folk)

16. Indigo Girls - Look Long (folk rock)

15. Another Sky - I Slept On The Floor (indie rock)

14. Courteeners - More. Again. Forever (post britpop)

13. Dutty Moonshine Big Band - City of Sin (jazztronica)

12. Nelson Kempf - Family Dollar (art folk)

11. Beans on Toast - The Inevitable Train Wreck (drunken folk rock)

10. Joe Wong - Nite Creatures (baroque pop)

9. Luis Pestana - Rosa Pano (experimental electronica)

8. Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension (art pop)

7. MisterWives - Superbloom (indie pop)

6. Lola Marsh - Someday Tomorrow Maybe (Israeli noir pop)

5. Dyble Longdon - Between a Breath and a Breath (chamber folk)

4. Hugo Kant - Far From Home (downtempo nu-jazz)

3. The Lemon Twigs - Songs For The General Public (alt rock)

2. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - K.G. (microtonal psychedelic rock)

1. Ada Rook - 2,020 Knives (electropop concrète)

Top Tracks of 2020

200. Sea Wolf - Forever Nevermore (indie rock) 199. Steep Canyon Rangers & The Asheville Symphony - Easy to Love (orchestral bluegrass) 198. Dandelion Wine - Too Late She Cried (experimental pop) 197. Aloud - Oh Danny (blues rock) 196. Car Seat Headrest - Weightlifters (anti-folk) 195. Michael Franti & Spearhead - I Can Still Feel You (reggae fusion) 194. Dance Gavin Dance - Lyrics Lie (post hardcore) 193. Post Animal - Post Animal (psychedelic rock) 192. La Oreja de Van Gogh - Menos Tú (Spanish indie folk) 191. The Hanging Stars - Heavy Blue (cosmic country) 190. Oneohtrix Point Never - Long Road Home (experimental electronica) 189. Will Wood - I / Me / Myself (cabaret rock) 188. Butch Walker - You Gotta Be Just Who You Are (glam rock) 187. Brothers Osborne - Muskrat Greene (country) 186. Tycho - Easy (downtempo IDM) 185. The Altogether - Brown of Gold (acoustic pop rock) 184. Dua Lipa - Cool (pop) 183. Circa Waves - Jacqueline (indie dance rock) 182. Sangatsu No Phantasia - Rendezvous (Japanese pop rock) 181. Moonchild Sanelly - Bashiri (South African future ghetto punk) 180. Needshes - Love (Uzbek indie pop) 179. The Explorers Club - Ruby (sunshine pop) 178. Osi & the Jupiter - Appalachia (pagan folk) 177. Thievery Corporation - The Forgotten People (Symphonik Version) (orchestral world triphop) 176. Enter Shikari - Marionettes (I. The Discover of Strings) (electronicore) 175. Zuzu - How It Feels (pop rock) 174. Los Mocosos - Viva Los Mocosos (latin funk) 173. DJ Plead - Going For It (mahraganat) 172. Igorrr - Camel Dancefloor (baroque breakcore) 171. Someone - Pull It Together (psych pop) 170. Dizzee Rascal - You Don’t Know (grime) 169. The Corner Laughers - The Accepted Time (power pop) 168. The Claudettes - 24/5 (rock and/or roll) 167. The Ballroom Thieves - Tenebrist (neo Americana) 166. Joe Wong - Day After Day (baroque pop) 165. Porter Robinson - Something Comforting (complextro) 164. Jason Wilson - Happy Little Sisyphus (indie folk) 163. Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit - Be Afraid (alt country) 162. Hayley Williams - Dead Horse (indie pop) 161. Badly Drawn Boy - I Need Somebody to Trust (indie pop rock) 160. Bleached - Stupid Boys (bubblegrunge) 159. Man Man - Lonely Beuys (experimental rock) 158. Dustbowl Revival - Dreaming (neo Americana) 157. The Texas Gentlemen - Easy St. (neo Americana) 156. Maeve Gilchrist - The Storm (harp folk) 155. The Drowns - Them Rats (street punk) 154. Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer - Frolicholic (chap hop) 153. Zutomayo - Obenkyou Shitoiteyo (Japanese jazz rock) 152. Jonathan Wilson feat. Mark O’Connor - ‘69 Corvette (Americana noir folk) 151. Dub Pistols feat. Natty Campbell - Sound Sweet (dub DnB) 150. Cordovas - I’ma Be Me (Americana folk) 149. The Birthday Massacre - Enter (gothic darkwave) 148. KIDS - The Mourn (indie rock) 147. Kyros - Rumour (prog synth rock) 146. Paul Heaton & Jacqui Abbott - A Good Day Is Hard To Find (pop rock) 145. The O’Reillys and the Paddyhats - James Brian (Celtic punk) 144. The Fizz - The World We Left Behind (MOR pop) 143. Beans on Toast - World Gone Crazy (indie folk) 142. Liraz - Shab Gerye (arab groove) 141. 47 Soul feat. Shadia Mansour & Fedzilla - Border Ctrl (Palestinian shamstep) 140. 3D Stas - Dislocated Minds (soiltronica) 139. Bright Eyes - Tilt-A-Whirl (indie folk rock) 138. Darlingside - Ocean Bed (indie folk) 137. Once and Future Band - Freaks (psych pop) 136. Prizm - We Were Young (synthpop) 135. Z Berg - To Forget You (dreamfolk) 134. L.A. Salami - Things Ain’t Changed (post blues) 133. Kero Kero Bonito - It’s Bugsnax! (hyperpop) 132. Days N’ Daze - Addvice (thrashgrass) 131. Sufjan Stevens - Tell Me You Love Me (art pop) 130. Fiona Apple - Shameika (art rock) 129. Dutty Moonshine Big Band feat. HypeMan Sage - Big Band Fam (jazztronica) 128. Five Finger Death Punch - Leave It All Behind (nu metal) 127. Sundara Karma - Artifice (art pop) 126. TTRRUUCES - Lost Boy (wonky pop) 125. Theory of a Deadman - Ted Bundy (post grunge) 124. The National Parks - I Can Feel It (folk pop) 123. The Innocence Mission - John As Well (ambient folk) 122. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - The Hungry Wolf of Fate (microtonal indie rock) 121. The Jerry Cans - Atauttikkut (Inuit folk rock) 120. Sufjan Stevens - Lamentations (art pop) 119. Pigeon John - They Don’t Make Em Like Me (jazz hip hop) 118. Michael Franti & Spearhead - Lay It All Down (reggae fusion) 117. ARASHI - Party Starters (J-pop) 116. Neon Trees - Used To Like (indie pop) 115. Savant feat. Jahari Medina - Zealot (complextro) 114. Alestorm - Tortuga (pirate metal) 113. MisterWives - Valentine’s Day (indie pop) 112. Alex the Astronaut - Happy Song (indie folk pop) 111. Big Freedia feat. Kesha - Chasing Rainbows (bounce) 110. Cory Wong feat. The Hornheads - Click Bait (instrumental funk) 109. Suzzy Roche & Lucy Wainwright Roche - I Think I Am a Soul (neo Americana) 108. Victoria Anthony - Temporary Tattoo (synthpop) 107. Novo Amor - I Feel Better (indie folk rock) 106. Harper Bloom - Walk My Way (indie folk pop) 105. Badly Drawn Boy - Is This a Dream? (indie pop rock) 104. Bywater Call - Arizona (blues rock) 103. Mitochondrial Sun - Chronotopes (voidgaze) 102. Kronkel Dom - Giftig (Deutsch rap house) 101. The Phenomenal Handclap Band - Riot (nu disco) 100. Woodlock - Collateral (indie folk rock) 99. SKIES - It’s Alright (pop rock) 98. Pinguini Tattici Nucleari - Ringo Starr (Italian indie pop) 97. Warm Digits - False Positive (neo-krautrock) 96. Winnetka Bowling League - Come To The Beach (power pop) 95. ViVii - Whistle (folk pop) 94. Fame on Fire - Roxanne (post-screamo) 93. Tunng - Death Is The New Sex (folktronica) 92. Feuerschwanz feat. Melissa Bonny - Ding (neue Deutsche härte) 91. Jamie Cullum - Don’t Give Up On Me (jazz pop) 90. The Living Tombstone - What I Want (Israeli electro rock) 89. Walk Off The Earth - What’s Love Got To Do With It? (indie pop cover) 88. Hildegard von Blingin’ & Cornelius Link feat. Friar Funk - Pumped Up Kicks (bardcore) 87. Loma - Don’t Shy Away (ambient rock) 86. Pantayo - Heto Na (kulingang gong pop) 85. Gin Wigmore - H B I C (indie rock) 84. Dyble Longdon - Crossbones (chamber folk) 83. DMA’s - Never Before (Australian indie rock) 82. Mighty Oaks - Tell Me What You’re Thinking (indie folk rock) 81. Circles Around the Sun - Landline Memories (instrumental prog rock) 80. Blossoms - Your Girlfriend (indie pop rock) 79. Grimes - 4ÆM (industrial pop) 78. Ada Rook - 2,020 Knives (electropop concrète) 77. Walk Off The Earth - Oh What A Feeling (indie pop) 76. AWOLNATION - Radical (stomp pop) 75. Little Big Town - Bluebird (alt country) 74. Dutty Moonshine Big Band feat. HypeMan Sage - Outlaws (jazztronica) 73. Hugo Kant - Everything Is Transformed (downtempo nu-jazz) 72. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - Intrasport (microtonal indie pop) 71. Stuck On Planet Earth - Higher Than The Drugs (dance rock) 70. Kesha - Potato Song (Cuz I Want To) (pop) 69. joan - want u back (indie pop) 68. MisterWives - Love Me True (indie pop) 67. Butch Walker - Fuck It (I Don’t Like Love) (glam rock) 66. Heart Bones - This Time It’s Different (indie pop) 65. Anamanaguchi feat. meesh - Pop It (glitchhop) 64. Poppy - Concrete (bubblegum metal) 63. Creeper - Cyanide (alt rock) 62. The Lemon Twigs - Only a Fool (alt rock) 61. Purity Ring - stardew (dreampop) 60. Curt Cannabis - Falling Sensation (indie rock) 59. Custard - Funky Again (Bluey’s dad rock) 58. Ryan Hamilton and the Harlequin Ghosts - Newcastle Charm (power pop) 57. Indigo Girls - Howl at the Moon (ectofolk) 56. Cornershop - Highly Amplified (chamber psych) 55. ShockOne - Follow Me (drum n bass) 54. Yelle - Karaté (French hip hop) 53. Ultrahappyalarm - Wanna Cam??? (hyperpop) 52. Biffy Clyro - Tiny Indoor Fireworks (Scottish alt rock) 51. Heaven Pegasus feat. rook&nomie - Nomi (pop rock) 50. L.E.J. - Pas Peur (French chamber folk) 49. Avec Sans - Altitude (vapor pop) 48. Trixie Mattel - Malibu (pop rock) 47. Beans on Toast - Logic Bomb (jazz folk) 46. Nelson Kempf - Family Dollar (art folk) 45. Marcelyn - Guilloteens (experimental folk rock) 44. Little Big - Hypnodancer (funeral rave) 43. Walk Off The Earth feat. Harm & Ease - Toxic (eclectic pop cover) 42. Stormzy feat. Aitch - Pop Boy (grime) 41. The Fratellis - Six Days in June (pop rock) 40. MOBS - Big World (80s pastiche pop) 39. The Lemon Twigs - The One (alt rock) 38. The Cuckoos - Weekend Lover (glam rock) 37. MisterWives - It’s My Turn (indie pop) 36. Sammy Brue - Pendulum Thieves (alt country) 35. TheFatRat feat. Laura Brehm - We’ll Meet Again (pop EDM) 34. Starbenders - Holy Mother (glam rock) 33. Minh Beta - Let’s Fight COVID! (Vietnamese coronavirus pop) 32. Kiesza feat. Lick Drop, Cocanina & Shan Vincent De Paul - Dance With Your Best Friend (pop) 31. Ultrahappyalarm - Messy Gyaru (happy hardcore) 30. Saint Saviour - Taurus (chamber folk) 29. Kate Rusby - Love of the Common People (indie folk cover) 28. Seazoo - Honey Bee (indie pop rock) 27. City Mouth - Sanity For Summer (indie pop rock) 26. Cory Wong & Chris Thile - Bluebird (jazz-bluegrass crossover) 25. rook&nomie - soft atrocity (hyperpop) 24. Will Joseph Cook - Something To Feel Good About (indie pop) 23. Courteeners - Better Man (britpop) 22. MOBS - School’s Out (80s pastiche pop) 21. Luis Pestana - Sangra (experimental electronica) 20. Hugo Kant - High Gravity (downtempo nu-jazz) 19. The Flaming Lips - Mother I’ve Taken LSD (psychedelic rock) 18. eleventyseven - Battlecats (synthpop punk) 17. Igorrr - Lost in Introspection (baroque breakcore) 16. Polly Scattergood - In This Moment (spoken word triphop) 15. Dent May - Hotel Stationery (indie fuzzpop) 14. Another Sky - Fell In Love With The City (indie prog rock) 13. Lola Marsh - Like In The Movies (Israeli pop rock) 12. Ada Rook - Reverie (JH Ligation Experiment 1) (breakbeat electropop) 11. Trixie Mattel - Video Games (country folk cover) 10. KES - Na let go / (when ah) Jamdong / (with d) Boss Lady (soca) 9. Emerson Hart - Lucky One (heartland rock) 8. Uncanny Valley - Beautiful the World (AI dance pop) 7. Villagers - Did You Know? (indie folk) 6. Chemtrails - Uncanny Valley (psychedelic garage pop) 5. Andy Shauf - Try Again (indie pop) 4. Lola Marsh - Echoes (Israeli pop rock) 3. Sea Girls - Do You Really Want To Know? (indie pop rock) 2. Kishi Bashi - Never Ending Dream (indie pop) 1. Dyble Longdon - Obedience (chamber folk)

[dweemeister]

A list of all films featured in 2020′s 31 Days of Oscar

This is the exhaustive list of all 327 short- and feature-length films featured during this year’s 31 Days of Oscar marathon (down from 388 in 2019, up from 296 in 2018). Every single film that was featured since January 29 was nominated for an Academy Award or won an Honorary Oscar. We started the marathon a few days early this year because of the earlier-than-usual timing of this year’s ceremony (which placed it at Day 12 of this year’s marathon). Thank goodness we’ll go back to usual in 2021 and 2022, where the former’s ceremony will be placed on Day 28 if I, by tradition, start the marathon on February 1, 2021.

Best Picture winners and the one (and only) winner for Unique and Artistic Production are in bold - okay the latter was not featured for this year’s marathon (but perhaps next time!). Asterisked (*) films are films I haven’t seen in their entirety as of the publishing of this post.

7th Heaven (1927)*

The Circus (1928)

The Divine Lady (1929)*

Disraeli (1929)*

The Love Parade (1929)*

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)

Anna Christie (1930)*

The Divorcee (1930)*

The Green Goddess (1930)*

Raffles (1930)*

Five Star Final (1931)*

Little Caesar (1931)

The Sin of Madelon Claudet (1931)

Grand Hotel (1932)

One Hour with You (1932)*

Shanghai Express (1932)

Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933)

Little Women (1933)*

The Barretts of Wimpole Street (1934)*

The Gay Divorcee (1934)

It Happened One Night (1934)

The Thin Man (1934)

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

The Lives of a Bengal Lancer (1935)*

Mutiny on the Bounty (1935)

Naughty Marietta (1935)

Top Hat (1935)

Broadway Melody of 1936 (1936)*

Fury (1936)*

The Garden of Allah (1936)

The Great Ziegfeld (1936)

Swing Time (1936)

Camille (1937)*

Grand Illusion (1937, France)

The Prisoner of Zenda (1937)

Three Smart Girls (1937)*

Wee Willie Winkie (1937)*

The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

Dark Victory (1939)

Gone with the Wind (1939)

Gunga Din (1939)

Ninotchka (1939)

Wuthering Heights (1939)*

All This, and Heaven Too (1940)

The Grapes of Wrath (1940)

The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Pinocchio (1940)

Rebecca (1940)

A Wild Hare (1940 short)

Blossoms in the Dust (1941)*

The Devil and Daniel Webster (1941)*

Hold Back the Dawn (1941)*

Lady Be Good (1941)*

Meet John Doe (1941)

Sergeant York (1941)

Casablanca (1942)

Der Fuehrer’s Face (1942 short)

In Which We Serve (1942)*

Now, Voyager (1942)

Road to Morocco (1942)

Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

Cabin in the Sky (1943)

Destination Tokyo (1943)*

A Guy Named Joe (1943)*

This Land is Mine (1943)*

Marie Curie (1943)*

The North Star (1943)*

The Song of Bernadette (1943)

The Yankee Doodle Mouse (1943 short)

Double Indemnity (1944)

Gaslight (1944)

Going My Way (1944)

It Happened Tomorrow (1944)*

Laura (1944)

National Velvet (1944)

The Uninvited (1944)*

Brief Encounter (1945)

Caesar and Cleopatra (1945)*

Leave Her to Heaven (1945)*

Pride of the Marines (1945)*

The Southerner (1945)

They Were Expendable (1945)*

Vacation from Marriages (1945)*

Great Expectations (1946)*

The Green Years (1946)*

The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)*

The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer (1947)*

Black Narcissus (1947)

Crossfire (1947)

Gentleman’s Agreement (1947)

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)

Green Dolphin Street (1947)*

T-Men (1947)*

The Red Shoes (1948)

Romance on the High Seas (1948)*

It’s a Great Feeling (1949)*

A Letter to Three Wives (1949)*

Little Women (1949)*

Mighty Joe Young (1949)*

Neptune’s Daughter (1949)*

She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949)

The Third Man (1949)

All About Eve (1950)

La Ronde (1950, France)*

Ace in the Hole (1951)

An American in Paris (1951)

Quo Vadis (1951)

Royal Wedding (1951)

When Worlds Collide (1951)*

The Bad and the Beautiful (1952)

Le Plaisir (1952, France)*

Singin’ in the Rain (1952)

The Band Wagon (1953)

From Here to Eternity (1953)

Lili (1953)

Mogambo (1953)*

The Story of Three Loves (1953)*

La Strada (1954, Italy)

On the Waterfront (1954)

Seven Samurai (1954, Japan)

Bad Day at Black Rock (1955)

No Hunting (1955 short)*

Around the World in 80 Days (1956)

The Burmese Harp (1956, Japan)

Friendly Persuasion (1956)

Giant (1956)

Lust for Life (1956)

Somebody Up There Likes Me (1956)*

Written on the Wind (1956)*

Funny Face (1957)

Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (1957)

Tammy and the Bachelor (1957)*

12 Angry Men (1957)

Witness for the Prosecution (1957)

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)

Gigi (1958)

Separate Tables (1958)*

Ben-Hur (1959)

North by Northwest (1959)

The Young Philadelphians (1959)*

The Alamo (1960)

The Entertainer (1960)*

Pepe (1960)*

Spartacus (1960)

Two Women (1960, Italy)*

Beep Prepared (1961 short)

Days of Wine and Roses (1962)

How the West Was Won (1962)

Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

Sweet Bird of Youth (1962)

The Caretakers (1963)*

Cheyenne Autumn (1964)

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

That Man from Rio (1964, France)*

My Fair Lady (1964)

Doctor Zhivago (1965)

The Shop on Main Street (1965, Czechoslovakia)*

The Sound of Music (1965)

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966)

A Man for All Seasons (1966)

The Professionals (1966)

Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

Cool Hand Luke (1967)

Far from the Madding Crowd (1967)*

The Graduate (1967)

The Jungle Book (1967)

The Producers (1967)

The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967, France)*

Funny Girl (1968)

Ice Station Zebra (1968)*

The Lion in Winter (1968)*

Planet of the Apes (1968)

True Grit (1969)

Z (1969, Algeria)

Dodes'ka-den (1970, Japan)

Woodstock (1970)

Carnal Knowledge (1971)*

The Emigrants (1971, Sweden)*

Cabaret (1972)

Cries and Whispers (1972, Sweden)

The Godfather (1972)

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)*

Travels with My Aunt (1972)*

Papillon (1973)

The Sting (1973)

The Four Musketeers (1974)*

The Godfather: Part II (1974)

Young Frankenstein (1974)

Dersu Uzala (1975, Soviet Union)

Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

Shampoo (1975)*

The Sunshine Boys (1975)*

Network (1976)

Taxi Driver (1976)

A Special Day (1977, Italy)*

Star Wars (1977)

Autumn Sonata (1978, Sweden)

Superman (1978)

The Swarm (1978)*

Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Kagemusha (1980, Japan)

Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears (1980, Soviet Union)*

An American Werewolf in London (1981)*

Mephisto (1981, Hungary)*

Annie (1982)

An Officer and a Gentleman (1982)*

Victor/Victoria (1982)

Educating Rita (1983)*

Terms of Endearment (1983)

Dune (1984)*

A Passage to India (1984)*

Out of Africa (1985)

Ran (1985, Japan)

Witness (1985)*

Aliens (1986)

Luxo Jr. (1986 short)

Empire of the Sun (1987)

The Last Emperor (1987)

Bull Durham (1988)*

Mississippi Burning (1988)*

Dead Poets Society (1989)

Field of Dreams (1989)

Dances with Wolves (1990)

Ghost (1990)*

Boyz n the Hood (1991)*

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

Aladdin (1992)

Unforgiven (1992)

The Firm (1993)*

The Wrong Trousers (1993 short)*

Forrest Gump (1994)

Il Postino (1994, Italy)

Little Women (1994)*

Casino (1995)*

Toy Story (1995)

Emma (1996)*

Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

Life Is Beautiful (1997, Italy)

The Old Lady and the Pigeons (1997 short, France)*

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

The Insider (1999)

Toy Story 2 (1999)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000, Taiwan)

Gladiator (2000)

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001)

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

The Crime of Padre Amaro (2002, Mexico)*

Treasure Planet (2002)

The Fog of War (2003)*

The Triplets of Belleville (2003, France)*

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004, Japan)

Walk the Line (2005)*

Babel (2006)*

The Departed (2006)

Letters from Iwo Jima (2006)

Atonement (2007)*

Ratatouille (2007)

The Hurt Locker (2008)

Kung Fu Panda (2008)

Waltz with Bashir (2008, Israel)

Precious (2009)*

The Secret of Kells (2009)

Inception (2010)

Toy Story 3 (2010)

A Separation (2011, Iran)

Amour (2012, Austria)

War Witch (2012, Canada)*

Omar (2013, Palestine)*

The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013, Japan)

12 Years a Slave (2013)

Timbuktu (2014, Mauritania)

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Hidden Figures (2016)

Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)

Dear Basketball (2017 short)

Negative Space (2017 short)

The Shape of Water (2017)

BlacKkKlansman (2018)

Roma (2018, Mexico)

The nine nominees for Best Picture, including the winner, Parasite (2019, South Korea)

The fifteen nominees for the short film categories (2019)

Ad Astra (2019)

American Factory (2019)*

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019)

For Sama (2019)*

Honeyland (2019, North Macedonia)*

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019)

I Lost My Body (2019, France)

Judy (2019)

Klaus (2019)

Knives Out (2019)

The Lighthouse (2019)

Pain and Glory (2019, Spain)

Rocketman (2019)

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

Toy Story 4 (2019)

The Two Popes (2019)*

[supernoondles]

2019

The last day of 2019 was also the day I fainted for the first time--a fitting metaphor for the year.

2019 was overall very emotionally taxing. This year was emotionally defined by falling intensely, deeply in love with someone (who is a very private person so I will try to be vague to respect that) and being in a lot of pain because of situations mostly outside of our control. There were a lot of intensely joyous moments, and a lot of intensely sad ones. Throughout it all I wish I had communicated better. I also made some bad decisions with another person I really loved and cared about that resulted in us growing apart. Do I think I grew from the experiences? For sure. Do I wish I could have come upon these realizations through a different course of action? Also yes. Am I fully healed from the experiences? Not really, but I've been getting better.

2019 was also very bad in terms of research. It was the 2nd year of my PhD. After I submitted my rotation project I basically felt stuck in the swamp of my advisors rejecting new project ideas for like literally half a year. This, combined with my high emotional volatility (partially due to starting birth control), made me really sad, unmotivated, and susceptible to self-blame. I definitely had high expectations for myself and became frustrated at my lack of progress and felt a lot of pressure from myself to get my shit together. I also felt incredibly bad after most advisor meetings and not supported by one of them to the point where I had to have a conversation with him about the lack of support (which was very scary)! Things started picking up, though, near the end of the year. I published a paper in collaboration with a former post-doc/now professor elsewhere whom I learned a lot from, and started finally building out another system. I also started mentoring an undergrad who at some point told me I helped him feel like he had something important to say and belong at Stanford for the first time and those words meant a lot to me. I think I'm continuing to refine what I value as research contributions and increasingly think about what it means to build systems that aren't used outside of the lab to satisfy the annual conference publishing cycle. I'm also starting to feel the pressure of doing work that follows a narrative rather than random projects that interest me.

Oh, I guess in terms of "program requirements," I did finish taking required classes, passed qualifying exams, and got a master's degree. But honestly those weren't hard at all nor do I think are externally valued in the larger research community, so I don't really celebrate them as accomplishments beyond surface level.

In 2019 I saw two different therapists. The first one was awful, I think directly influenced some of my bad decisions, and also didn't respect my gender identity??? The second one is a lot better and I'm grateful to see her, even if 90% of our sessions are just talking about my relationship (romantic/advisor) issues, which is something I want to move away from in the future. But I also feel incredibly privileged when relationship issues are the primary stressors in my life--I am grateful I feel equipped to handle other crap, like deadlines, and don't have to worry about my own health.

Those were the main things that have colored this year. We'll now move into the section of this post where I go through my photos to jog my memory of other events.

New years started a tradition of getting dim sum with Jasper, Matthew, and Michelle dear to my heart. My high school friend was also visiting and we all attended a really awesome new year's eve party. I was also going on a lot of dates and having a lot of good sex, which made me really happy, and at the same time crying all the time at work. In February I received probably the best gift anyone has ever given me and saw Panic! at the Disco, which I said in an end of the year group meeting was a good memory of my year (it was, to relive my scene days!). In March I roadtripped both to Marin (which I had never to been before, despite all my years in the bay) and LA for Wondercon; it was nice to both see high school friends and go on a trip with the boo. In April I went on a hike with my office which was probably the start of us all becoming closer (we are the social office in the wing now, which I take pride in! Also we draw a lot of Pokemon which warms my heart). In May I went to CHI in Glasgow and then to Paris afterward, and the entire experience was very weird and bad and also too many flights were canceled and/or missed and I vowed to not return to Europe for a while, but man do I love the noodles at Trois Fois plus de Piment. In June we hosted a double apartment party with my downstairs neighbors (side note: I am really appreciative of the place I live in, for the community, convenience, and large-ass space and will be really sad to be kicked out fall 2020) and I started a friendship important to me. I cat-sat for my advisor (the one who doesn't make me feel bad) twice. I went to Redwood State Park with my family and hosted a summer solstice celebration. Over the summer a friend I met in Paris back in 2017 moved in with me. I had a much needed escape from the bay to Seattle where I was reminded how abundant the world can be. I also went to Tahoe to celebrate my parents' anniversary, and really liked stumbling upon a smaller lake with a cheap boat rental. Then I became FOMO about the highly competitive Bay Area camping and did a last minute walk-in at Redwood Basin in Santa Cruz, which made me realize that I don't actually love camping (but was nice nonetheless). I ate an expensive meal at Commonwealth before they closed. For my birthday we made a friendship quilt and I served my favorite dish of cumin lamb but it was also 90 degrees in my apartment (I felt really bad and bought two fans afterwards). I started buying many cartoon frog plush after being gifted a $3.99 on sale Safeway frog (called Baby!). I went on Tinder dates (one of which was at a quaker yard sale marketed as Harvest Festival where I got a 1970s Kermit puppet for like $2) that largely went nowhere. My high school friend visited and we were both sad about break ups. I did Inktober before I went to New Orleans for a conference on Bourbon St where everything felt like it was coated in a sticky film of alcohol. I almost missed my flight home because I fell asleep in a sculpture garden but I had the most amazing Uber driver who snaked his way through traffic (oh and the flight was delayed by like 3 hours). I went to kind of embarrassing haunted houses and pumpkin patches over Halloween, but also had the most incredible bowl of ramen at Mensho. My whole office dressed up as Zootopia characters which warmed my furry heart. I spent like $120 on a Pokemon shirt. I started playing Arkham Horror and rekindled another friendship important to me. In November went on a road trip to Big Sur because again, I had to escape it all. For Christmas Eve dinner I roasted a duck for the first time (which was delicious). Shortly after I waited in line for 2 hours for a rollercoaster at Great America, which taught me the value of buying a fast pass because at this point in my life that money is worth it, and then waited 2 hours in line at the DMV to get a RealID (I had made an appointment, which was the fast pass).

Okay, now we move to the hobby section!

I got really into sewing in 2019, having received a sewing machine last Christmas. I made a Judy Hopps (which I wore to CrunchyRoll Expo) and Korok cosplay (Fanime), several unsuccessful garments, a crab bean bag, a dice bag, a fanny pack, and put hearts nipples on a jumpsuit.

Shows! I think I went to way fewer shows this year. The ones I can remember are Elephant Gym, Thom Yorke the night before I had an 8am flight, Carly Rae Jepsen over pride weekend (also, she is my #1 artist of the year, which makes a lot of sense given my emotional space), Mitski at Stern Grove, Capitol Hill Bloc Party (which was super lame, except for Lizzo, where I cried), and the National (which was a fucking surreal experience as they played on Stanford's campus, I was the only one within earshot of myself who knew the words to Crybaby Geeks, and then the white catalog moms came up to me after to thank me for singing the song).

I also started playing my own music! I started playing viola again for the first time in 7 years (lol) in both pop-up concerts with the Awesome Orchestra (one in Golden Gate Park, one at the Exploratorium) and a string quartet through my school. Sometimes I am filled with joy and delight. Other times interpersonal tensions run high and also I am very bad at being in tune. It's life.

Media! I really liked Mob Psycho 100 Season 2 and Beastars. I feel like those were the only notable anime I watched this year? I saw the Farewell three times--first in Seattle where I sobbed for like 1 hour after the movie, the second time with my parents, and the third where Awkwafina was present for a Q&A. I thought Parasite was incredible and Promare was OK. I have spent an unfortunately large amount of my time playing Pokemon Masters. I finally beat BOTW and completed my Pokedex in Shield like 2 weeks after getting the game.

Resolutions! In my draft of my 2018 end of year post (which I never polished and posted, sorry), I said my resolutions were 1. come out to my parents 2. draw enough to table at an anime con 3. be disciplined about paper reading and have a doc. I did none of these things!!! However, for 1, I feel like I am well equipped to have this conversation but am waiting for my sibling to do it first out of respect. 2 was just bad. I barely drew this year except for gifts. 3 was okay--I did have a large doc in the beginning of the year when I was looking for ideas, but as time went on I abandoned it (I also stopped reading papers, which I don't think you're supposed to do as a grad student...)

My resolutions this year are phrased as intentions (-(c) Matthew). They span several categories. Relationships: I want to open myself to and actively seek experiences of love, because I miss that. That being said, I will only date someone if 1. they have their life together 2. they love themselves and 3. they challenge me to grow. (I do think you can experience love without dating; the thing I'm after is love in an expansive sense.) Work: I want to do enough work so I don't feel guilty about not doing enough work, and also not berate myself for taking a long time to do things. Hobbies: I want to sew at least one thing a month. Chinese: I want to improve my Chinese, especially pronunciation.

Having written this 20 days into 2020, it's not been so bad so far. But I was also really happy in the beginning of 2019. Here's to no global maxima, a monotonically increasing year!

[sepiadice]

DiceJar Campaign 0.1: A Slippery Slope (2020/01/03)

So I return to the mighty throne of the GM Screen! To pull the strings, interpret the weavings of fate, mold the world to my whims and desires!

However, I’m going from a module, namely Crypt of the Everflame, made famous by Trix’s adventures. So I’m treading old ground, though with fewer players, and only one returning from that adventure. The better part of a decade has passed since I played it, so plenty of details should’ve left the veterans.

The reason I’m playing out of the module is as a sort of learning experience: Viewing box text and published adventure design so that it may help develop my original adventures. As for why I chose this one: I really like the opening premise. New young adventures thrown together deliberately for their origin story. Often players get focused on making an exciting backstory that they forget to make what happens at the table be the most interesting part of their life. I think it’s charming.

It’s an element/theme I want to incorporate in future campaigns.

Anyways, how will the tomb dive go without Team Pesto?

Cast

Mogui (IndigoDie): A Hedge Mage for a Lord Grey. Essentially a living lawn ornament. He helps take care of the Lord’s menagerie. Sole repeat player of the Module.

Bernard ‘Bean’ Dipp (NavyDie): Still just a child, but his father is (supposedly) suffering polio, so young Bean needs to become the man of the house. GM of the campaign I just finished. Revenge time?

Yot (LimeDie): A traveling mercenary slash adventurer nevertheless being pulled into things because some players struggle with direction. Player is a vetran of an Improv club Navy and I were also members of.

Delilah Dunford (VermilionDie): The unruly daughter of the local snobby nobles. Roguish interests and talents. Player is also from my high school days, but not the High School game group.

Game Master (SepiaDie/Me): Everyone and thing else. Nervous wreck caught in his own head. Attended a High School once and participated in a college Improv Club.

Session One

I failed to change any proper nouns like I wanted, but I also avoided needing to say anyone’s names, so there’s still time.

There’s an immense backstory I summarized, because it was too long for me to read out and I can’t trust players to read.[1] Kassen is a town that evolved out of a hold built by a guy named Kassen, a soldier turned adventurer. One day, he went to fight an evil band of… bad people. Kassen succeeded, but succumbed to injuries taken. He was entombed in a crypt, where an eternal flame was lit. Every year, the mayor rides out to bring back a lantern lit by the flame to bless the town to survive the winter. Every couple of years, town youths are sent instead as a rite of passage.

This is one of the rite of passage years.

The mayor first meets with Mogui, a lonely mage working for one of the town’s two noble families. The mayor awkwardly stumbles through his invitation, which Mogui gladly accepts.

Next, the Mayor finds Bean waiting in the market square. The mayor, again, stumbles through his invitation, which Bean seems rather confused by the semantics of, needing to be specifically told not to just wait in the town center for two days but to come back on the actual day of departure.

Yot is found in a tavern, and attempts to talk a big game as the Mayor asks him to join the adventuring party. I still need to force a firmer connection between Yot and the town of Kassen, as my original plan of Yot belonging to what once was Kassen’s band of mercenaries was sunk before I could work it in.

Delilah pops up from behind the Mayor as he’s on his way to her family’s manor, and she eagerly joins the quest.[2]

Thus is our party arranged!

Two days later, at the predetermined time, they walk into the market square and I gently prompt them to give physical descriptions of their characters. Delilah is described as having slightly asymmetrical dark hair, while the rest focused more on height and relative ages.[4]

Mogui arrives with some sort of bipedal creature. Indigo didn’t actually know what he intended the creature to be, so I’m going to assume it’s a chocobo until gently corrected.[5] Everyone promptly forgot about it, even though it supposedly was following them.

The four mingle for a bit as I lost focus trying to recenter myself and review the next step. I tend to let my players just fill time until they get bored of their scene. I probably should work on keeping a good pace with the plot, but I also don’t want to step on their fun. It’s a difficult balance, especially if there’s no NPC handy to gently snark at them to move forward.

The bells of the Church of Polyhymnia[6] ring in the noontime.

The townspeople, dressed in blacks and other dark clothing, start to form a crowd around our adventurers. The mayor emerges with an old pony pulling a cart of supplies. He distributes backpacks to the adventurers, gives a prepared speech,[8] and sends our young heroes on their way.

Mixed into their supplies is a fourth of a map that, at an actual table, is supposed to be a real piece of paper torn and distributed to the players. Since we’re not in the same room and split between two states, I instead alluded to the paper in their bag for them to ask about, while also prepared to gently drop the detail if the players don’t engage. Pivot and roll!

Initially the torn map pieces are overlooked, and the party walks south, into the Fangwoods, following a trail that starts well-worn, but progressively fades.

A few hours into their hike, they come upon a fallen tree. Three orcs emerge from behind it, and initiative is rolled.

I overlooked a mechanic I was supposed to employ, a problem I had throughout the session. The module imbedded vital instructions mid-paragraph in the description, which means I overlooked having the players roll to disbelieve when they land hits or are hit. I did read the module in advance, though, but it’s easy to forget the details, especially details hidden away like that.

I’m a terrible note taker. In school, if I was taking notes, then I wasn’t paying attention to the lesson because I was focused on writing. This also made me a terrible stage manager. Half the reason behind these write-ups is to get the information down and in circulation in my memory because I’m not able to mid-session.

What I should be doing is reading (or writing) the module, and making a bullet point list of the bare mechanics. I sometimes do similar when trying to learn new systems.[9]

Delilah climbs into a tree to shoot arrows at one of the three Orcs, the other three taking the ground battle.

The orcs are quickly defeated, their corpses fading away. What a curious event that I’m sure has no explanation to be uncovered in the future. An utter curiosity.

At this point, the party finally pauses to ask if they know where they’re going.

Ah, time for pay off.

At this point, I describe how they’d been following a shrinking trail, but soon they won’t have it to rely on.

I’m asked to post the list of supplies to the text chat for them to pour over. A careful edit of the description of the map is needed, and I do so.

The party discusses the supplies shortly, and someone looks at their part of the map. I tell them it appears to be a fourth of a map.

NavyDie shrewdly asks if they’re all the same fourth of a map. He likely learned from the time I gave my players descriptions of dreams then later threw some wood blocks at them not to take paper for granted.[10]

I confirm that they each have a different fourth of the same map. So they jigsaw puzzle it, and Mending is cast. Now they have a single map, and a burned spell slot![12]

They follow their map for the remainder of the day. The sun began to set, and the party needed to make camp.

When the opportunity arises, players will want to roll dice, because rolling dice feels good,. So everyone rolled for the survival check meant for one.

Bean, our ranger, was the only one who failed. I punished him by having him punch a hole in his tent. Everyone goes to bed, though Yot elects to take watch for a few hours, with no intention of waking anyone to take a shift after him. He chose enough time, and made the proper check, to spot a wolf investigating the border of the campsite before slinking off.

Yot decides to increase the length of his watch a little longer. So he was still awake when the wolf returned with three friends.

New combat! Yot shouts to rouse his allies, succeeding in waking Bean and Mogui, who come out of their tents to assist. No one thinks to go wake up Delilah, so she gets to sit out of this combat.

A few rounds occur, with the lead wolf eventually knocking Yot down and mauling him a tad. Mogui uses magic to scare off the other two, but lead wolf stays intent on his objective:[13] food.

The wolf makes his way into the camp, takes a mouthful of food, and skedaddles. I declare the end of combat. Bean buries the remainder of the food,[14] and everyone goes back to sleep.

With the morning arrival, and the completion of a long rest, the journey to Kassen’s Crypt continues.

The map leads them to the shore of a large lake on a misty morning, the grey skies and fog obscuring the horizon. A bandit lays dead on the beach. Our protagonists investigate the body, and find signs of an attack by a massive serpent. The body also has a sword and a wallet of gold on him, but they are left as the body is entombed into a shallow, sandy grave.

Travel continues, and they crest a small hill overlooking a serpentine valley, within which rests Kassen’s Tomb.

This then proceeds into my second big mistake: I overlooked the acrobatics check hidden with the descriptions and had my players roll directly on the failure table. Again, the table carefully set apart drew my eye. I’m learning! Poorly!

Still, someone ran into three different trees on the way down, so at least it was amusing, if unnecessarily punishing. I’ll quietly retcon away any damage taken in apology at start of next session.

Down the overly slippery hill, a small stable’s worth of dead mounts await: two horses and three ponies, the horses long dead, the ponies a little more recent. None the same day our party arrived, however.

A description of a fancy rune in the doorway’s keystone is given, and the session ends, exploration of the dungeon saved for the next session a fortnight later.

As usual, the session was characterized with me being stressed over keeping it running and attempting to follow the script of the module. The few times I’ve managed successive sessions has hinted that I’m able to settle in as things go on and the players figure out the table dynamic. I’m mostly confident I’ll figure it out.

While I am learning the value of boxtexts,[15] modules still invoke a sense of containment on me. A fear that if I, as a GM, stray too far, I’ll accidentally break something. I don’t enjoy scripts, that’s why I did improv. Scripts means you can make mistakes that need course correction.

But I’m playing with friends, we’re learning to be a cohesive performance troupe, and hopefully this will turn into a podcast. For the future.

Until next time, may your dice make things interesting.

-

[1] I’ll grant them the benefit of the doubt that they’re literate. [2] I’m seeing a combined Trix and the Sorceress[3] from her party. I’m going to have fun with that. [3] Indigo says her name was Makenna. [4] Which will make the process of creating sprite pawns for them slightly more difficult. I’ll ask them on the discord for physical appearances when I’m done writing this. [5] Were it not bipedal, I might’ve steered him into making it into a riding jackalope. They’re… kinda my pet fantastic beast. Usually ridden by mail carriers. [6] Originally the Church of a Pathfinder Deity, but I’m transplanting the module into D&D Fifth Edition anyways, so might as well sneak the details of my setting[7] into the margins. Helps everyone’s already just human. [7] Is this canon with the abandoned Genesys campaign? You decide! [8] When I have something to read, the mayor loses the stammering and uncertainty he has when I’m doing it off the cuff. This is because I’m not awkwardly trying to do things off the cuff. [9] I should have a file that’s basically Maid RPG Lite floating around due this same habit. [10] The one time I planned for my players to ‘cheat’ and show each other the notes I gave them, and the clowns kept the notes to themselves. You literally cannot rely on anyone to do anything like they should.[11] [11] I’d say you can trust players to make things harder for themselves, but return to footnote 10. [12] When I played through this module, I arrived after the mayor distributed the backpacks, and the party already had investigated their maps. So I don’t know how this puzzle was solved then. I also don’t remember the Orc encounter. [13] Behind the screen fun: while I rolled three times fairly, I applied the single success to who I wanted. For narrative reasons. I often play favorites in this manner. [14] Sure. [15] Along with listening to Dice Friends streams/podcast.

[prpledusk]

Reasons why I like a ship:

Xigdem: It cute ok leave me be, Xigxal: local Grumpy man bothered by touchy smol more at 11 Xallux: the sassiest of sassmuffins. Zemyx: sweet beans, let em smooch, let demyx be the ray of sunshine for this sad buissness boy that he was born to be Xemxig: Lawful evil and Chaotic Neutral? Fuck me right up plz. Ansem/Xig: pretty bois fuck eachother right up. Vexlex: listen. Basement family. They both raise Zex and are the sweetest simultainiously most fucked up trio, and they need to love eachother and Lex can just hug the sweet bean and the string scream bean into oblivion and I NEED Marvex: angst all the way down, in no way starts off healthy and is half insulting and hating eachother until it aint. Xemsai: hear me out, angst. Like I like the idea of it being one sided where Xemnas actually did care about Saix only to have Isa rip his fucking heart out and eat it for dinner with a side of salsa for good measure. Isalea/akusai: angst with a side of wholesom lav. Best couple 2020 And im open to more but there ya go~feel free to add

[pokefanbri]

I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤