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fanaticwritings · 7 years ago

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Unspoken [part ten] FINAL

Sam x Reader [AU series]

Catch Up Here: PART ONE // PART TWO // PART THREE // PART FOUR// PART FIVE // PART SIX // PART SEVEN // PART EIGHT // // PART NINE

A/N: This is it guys! The last chapter is here and god, I had so much fun writing this series. You, readers, having been very kind to me with all the words and praises so thank you so so much. I hope you like how it ends!! Much love and a good day to you all <3

Y/N wills her legs to move but they seem to be rooted to the spot. Why do her encounters with Sam always end up in her freezing and wishing she could scamper and hide?

He knows. How? And what is she going to do about it? What should she say? A million responses buzz in her head but each is worse than the last. She should definitely say something but..oh Sam looks so beautiful, up close. His soft, brown bangs fall carelessly over his hazel eyes. His nose in scrunched up and pink lips are slightly parted. Y/N blinks at him. She should definitely say something now. She takes a deep, calming breath. "I don't know what you're talking about," she says, unconvincingly. She doesn't know why she's doing this. Sam knows. It's what she's always wanted but she's scared. Scared that he won't want to do anything with her and she won't even have that little game of hers anymore- A way to connect with him. She'll have nothing. Sam's eyebrows furrow. "What?" he asks, confusion written all over his face. "I don't know what you're talking about," Y/N repeats, folding her arms across her chest. She's shaking a little but she manages to hold herself upright. "But.. you've always been at the library. You can walk around and leave those notes conveniently. And you literally quoted To Kill A Mockingbird. You love that book, I’m guessing. It all fits perfectly,” he mutters and then notices the way Y/N glances to her left. He's scrutinising every part of Y/N as if she's some puzzle he’s trying to solve. "You're lying," he deduces, smiling smugly. "Am not," she retorts back, defiantly. But she knows she's not convincing him. She looks nervous, she knows. She can’t back away now. Her secret is out for real. "I recognized that handwriting," he says, holding up her note and one of her flyers. Oh God, the flyer! That's why he seemed so interested. She had been so stupid to use her actual handwriting! Well, someone was going to be bad at leaving random notes. She groans internally and probably loudly too because Sam grins at her then. "Knew I was right," he says proudly and winks at her. If she wasn't already melting before, the wink does it for her. An awkward silence fills between them as Y/N struggles to figure out what to say and Sam looks at her expectantly. Sam Winchester. The man she's fallen for and has been on her mind for a while. He's standing in front of her- 6 foot 4 inches of pure warmth, beauty and kindness and she is at a loss for words. "You got me," she mumbles but can't bring herself to look at him. Her shoulders slump in defeat. She has to accept her fate now. She'll have to accept rejection. Insecurity takes a hold of her and she wishes she'd never even written the notes. Her hair is all wet from the rain and she looks tired and messy. Why would he even be interested? Just then she feels a hand on her arm, tugging at her. She looks up finally, and into Sam's kind, hazel eyes. He's smiling but there is a hint of blush in his dimpled cheeks. He’s looking at her, really looking at her. She feels herself burn under his gaze. Why does he have this effect on her? "So, secret admirer, what was your back up plan in case I found out?" he teases, squeezing her arm before letting go. Her arm feels like it is on fire but she tries to ignore it. He is making it so easy for her, being so gentle, she should definitely say what she's been meaning to say now. It'd be creepy and pathetic to just leave him hanging now. She takes a deep breath and collects herself. She will not blow this. "Actually, I was kinda counting on you to find out," she says, blushing slightly. "And also hoping that when you did-" she cannot believe she's saying this, "-you would go out with me." She doesn't end it with a question. It's a statement and a total risk. Run, Y/N! She waits for Sam to bolt away from her at top speed but he doesn't even move. A blush creeps up his cheek and he bites his lip. Would kissing him be too bold? too soon? "Well, you are beautiful and apparently read a lot," he begins, examining his hands, still biting his lower lip. Red dusts her cheeks at that and she feels hot all of a sudden. God, he's standing there and flirting with her. She tries to wrap her head around that. "I can't see how saying yes would be a problem," he says, hazel eyes gazing into her Y/E/C ones. Y/N can't fathom what she's hearing. Did she hear him correctly? He wants to go out with her? She wants to jump up, dance and just pull him in for a kiss but instead, she gulps in answer. Get a hold of yourself Y/N, she chides herself. "But first," he says, saving Y/N from mumbling something lame. He extends his hand out in front of her- "Introductions. I know you know this but.. I'm Sam. Sam Winchester," he offers, smiling the smile Y/N has grown fond of over these few weeks. She grasps his soft hand and gives it a firm shake. Suddenly, she feels a lot more confident. The guy she has a crush on, wants to go out with her. Why is she even hesitating anymore? He likes her enough to trust her. He is being kind and totally cool about it too. Like this is something he experiences on a daily basis. Then why should she ruin this by acting all nervous and jumpy? For once, the universe is being nice to her. Why should she overthink it?

She makes up her mind then, as she looks up at the tall, broad-chested stranger she had first laid eyes on so many nights ago. The man who had made her experience a thousand emotions without even knowing her. She deserves this. Yes. A smile tugs at her lips and she looks up at him. "I'm Y/N. Y/N L/N."

E P I L O G U E

Y/N sits on the the sofa, her legs spread out in front of her and into her boyfriend's lap. She is reading a book while he is typing away on his laptop. Distracted, she closes her book and glances at him.

Sam looks particularly attractive today. Well, he looks beautiful everyday but his hair is sticking up in all directions, adorably so and he's dressed in a fitting black t shirt and yoga pants. Y/N, on the other hand, is wearing comfortable pants and Sam’s t-shirt.

Three years have gone by in the blink of an eye. Three years’ worth of memories- from the first time she laid eyes on him till now- flood her mind as she looks at him. A strange calmness washes over her. "Quit staring at me," Sam mutters, without even looking up from the screen. "I can stare all I want, thank you very much," Y/N shoots back immediately.

They have finished college together, shared the joy of first jobs together and are now living in their shared apartment. Sam looks at her then. His hazel eyes gazing directly into her own. He closes his laptop without breaking eye contact. His mouth twitches as he pulls her closer to himself until their noses are almost touching. But neither breaks the stare. A minute or so passes before Y/N glances at Sam's lips. The gesture distracts Sam and he blinks, the game forgotten. "Aha!" Y/N yells, throwing up a fist in victory. "Every damn time," she shouts, as Sam rolls his eyes. He isn’t mad her though, quite the contrary. He looks at her fondly as she kisses him on the cheek and then goes back to her reading. Sam can't remember what it felt like to not know her. Something shifts in him at that instant and he tears himself a small piece of paper. He scribbles something on it fast, as his heart thuds against his chest. He can feel the heat of his cheeks and wonders if what he's about to do is the right thing. But then again, their relationship exists because of decisions taken at a beat of the heart. Y/N isn't looking at him, she's already immersed in her book. He reaches out and places the note on her chest and quickly withdraws his hand. She obviously notices his movements. "What the f-" she mutters, clearly annoyed at being disturbed. She picks up the note and unfurls it. Her eyes take a millionth of a second to read the words but her brain takes a few excruciating moments to process it. And when it does, her heart almost melts at the words. Goosebumps erupt on her skin and warmth spreads across her face and chest. Is this a dream? Tears brim at the corners of her eyes and then they fall, as she looks at the man sitting in front of her. Unable to contain herself, she flings herself at him and wraps him in a bear hug, pressing her lips to his because speech has escaped her. She kisses him all over, hoping he understands what she wants to say. An unspoken word that she wants to yell over and over but is caught in her throat.

The note falls to the ground, forgotten- yet not quite- in the frenzy of emotions.

In Sam’s neat, curly handwriting two words are scrawled onto the torn paper- A testimony of their time together and a tribute to how it all started. "Marry me?"

A/N 2: Yass! that was a bonus epilogue and too much fluff but hey! who’s complaining? I love you all and thank you again for reading this and being awesome in general. <33

If you like my dumb writing do check out the next series I am working on and am really excited about!

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livelyackles · 9 years ago

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url: 5/10icon: /10 imma not rate facestheme: 5/10 mobile theme: 8/10 posts: 5/10 overall: 6/10 following: not yetcompliment: -blog title is relatable -nice mix of posts -cool music tastewant one?

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soulkingsk · 8 years ago

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Tonight hear my new song Word produced by @dirtydiggs @Regrann from @djluman82 - Listen up N Tune In 2nite at midnight 12am-2am Break Beats & Rhymes 90.7FM Kpfk!!! We servin' Fresh Raps, Classic Cuts & special guests @krazyrace rolling thru!!! And plus another special guest The Artifacts as well!!! Tune in, gonna be live on the FM radio airwaves with your hosts Rebels To The Grain & me LuMan in the Mix!!! 🚨📻🔊🔊🔊💯💯💯 #breakbeatsandrhymes #90.7fm #kpfk #rebelstothegrain #mp #stuckinthetrees #esco #luman #ontheradiooo #airwaves #hiphop #independent #trueskool #residency #thankful #djlife #lumanclan #lumanstagram - #regrann (at Chinatown (Los Angeles))

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fanaticwritings · 7 years ago

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Push Your Heart and Pull Away [Chapter 4]

sam winchester x female!reader // mordern college au

catch up: prologue / chap. 1 / chap. 2 / chap. 3

word count: 1.2k+

warnings: mutual pining, fake dating/married, romantic cliches, realizations

a/n: i’m back, angels!! we’re back on track, here’s he next chapter and i have one little activity for ya. suggest some of your favorite romantic tropes you’d like to be included in the story. i’ll be choosing two that fit the best! and as always, happy reading!

also, shameless promotion but I’ve opened commissions now!

For a summer night, the air was unusually chilly but pleasantly so. You were standing in the balcony of Sam and Dean's apartment, relishing in the coolness of the wind.

Below you the canopy of the nearby forest stretched out, moonlight glinting off the dark leaves.

You sighed, watching a tiny bird lift off of one of the branches and soar out of view.

It had been almost a week since your first ‘date’ with Sam; a date which had paved way for two more- one at a local restaurant and the other at a coffee shop. You had spent enough time together, holding each other and clicking away evidence for your application to the courthouse.

You still couldn't believe Sam had agreed to do this. For you. You were asking for a huge favor and although he was your best friend and asking him favors was part of the relationship, it didn't make you feel any better about it.

At first the hand-holding and the light, shy touches had been awkward but both of you had eased into it. With each consecutive date it felt more and more natural and oh so good. Almost like it was meant to be.

You shuddered, trying to shake off the thought.

A gentle tap on your shoulder jerked you from your thoughts and you turned around to see who it was.

Sam’s kaleidoscopic eyes greeted you and you felt a smile tug at your lips.

“Hey,” he said softly, leaning against the railing beside you, elbows propping him up.

“You okay?”He asked, tilting his head, kind eyes gazing down at you. You could tell he was trying to read you and you looked away, gulping.

“Yeah, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?” you said, not quite looking at him.

“Well, for one, you've been standing here for half an hour now,” he said, following your gaze to the trees.

“It's nice and chilly,” you lied, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“Y/N, I've known you for two years now,” Sam said, turning around so that now his back was resting against the railing.

“Clearly, there's something on your mind. Tell me?”

You made the mistake of glancing at him, and were instantly overcome by his slanted, puppy-dog eyes.

You sighed. “I don't know if what I'm doing is right,” you said, exhaling deeply.

Sam's eyebrows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“I'm asking so much of you, Sam. It's hardly fair.”

Sam looked down at his palms for a moment before glancing back at you.

“You really aren't asking a lot. Don't overthink it,” he offered, mouth twisting into an unconvincing smile.

You deflated a bit at that.

“I'm not sure, Sammy. I didn't- don't want to put you in a situation where you have to do something you don't want to just because I'm your friend.”

Sam didn't say anything at first, but only gazed at you for a moment.

“Ever think,” he began, once again looking at his palms, a hint of a smile playing at his llips, “that sometimes friends do things for each other even if it's not comfortable for them because they're friends?”

A smile twitched at your mouth inspire of yourself at that.

You stood in silence for a painful few minutes, trying to think of an answer to that. When nothing came up, you let it slide. You turned to gaze at the starlit trees once more.

“Ever think... that sometimes the entire universe is conspiring against you?” you spoke up again after a few minutes. The wind had picked up speed now, noisily blowing around you.

Sam looked up at that, eyes narrowing. He shifted closer, propping his head on his arm and stared at you intently.

“Ever think, that sometimes the entire universe is conspiring against you for you?”

You stifled a laugh, tonguing your cheek. “What does that even mean, Lawboy?”

“Think of it this way,” he said, pausing for dramatic affect and you tried not to laugh.

“There are three doors, one is circular, one triangular and one is your ordinary door. Which would you pick?”

“The ordinary one.”

“Good. Now, what if I closed the normal door? Which would you pick?”

You narrowed your eyes at him. Where was he going with this?

“Circle. I might not fit in the triangular one.”

Sam smiled. “Now what if I closed all three?”

You looked at him, baffled. An answer formed inside you head but you didn't wanna be wrong. So you shrugged instead, shaking your head.

“If I closed all three you'd look for another and find that there was a door shaped exactly like you, just to your left. You missed it completely because you were too focused on the three that were open right in front of you.”

You looked at him, mouth gape. You thought over what he had just said, mulling over his words. It meant several things all at once and your mind was reeling, trying to catch up with them all.

“I didn't know Socrates was possessing you, Sammy,” you teased but meant it. Sam was wiser than his years.

Sam smiled lopsidedly at that but didn't comment.

“Sometimes everything that happens, happens for a reason,” he added, looking at you intently.

You repeated the words in your head, letting one thought transform into another. It was surprising, how much it helped you clear things out. But then again, advice from either of the brother had almost always helped you.

You both stood in silence for a while after- a silence you didn't feel the need to fill. Sam watched the clouds pass over the moon, wind raking through his hair and disheveling it. He seemed lost in thought, skin of his forehead crinkling a little and mouth puckered as he looked fixedly at the moon.

You took the opportunity to drink in his features, the moonlight casting shadows down his sharp cheekbones and highlighting the bow of his full lips.

When your mind began to conjure up embarrassing and considerably inappropriate fantasies revolving around the Winchester, you looked away. You shook your head a little, shoving away the indecent thoughts.

“You're a saint, Sammy,” you whispered, biting down the inside of your cheek as Sam broke into an adorable little smile. His red-dusted cheeks didn't go unnoticed either.

“C’mon, let's go get food,” he said and took your hand in his, tugging you back into the house behind him.

You had always admired Sam and were ever grateful that he was a part of your life. Sometimes, fleetingly, you wished he could be more but a part of you knew that it would never happen. You didn't know if you wanted it to happen. Feelings were awfully confusing.

This, however, had nothing to do with why you had chosen him to be a part of your grand plan.

His name had immediately come to your mind when you had read the article and then there was no going back. It had to be him.

You loved him, yes. Loved him as a friend loves another and perhaps a bit more.

But as you looked at him now, his mouth open wide in laughter at something Dean had just said, hazel eyes twinkling and brown curls falling over his eyes, realisation hit you. All that denial, all the confusion parted like sunlight through dark clouds.

You had fallen. And fallen hard.

Buy me a coffee?

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fanaticwritings · 7 years ago

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Girl Like You [Dean x reader]

warning: angst, fluff

a/n: I was listening to "Girls like you" by Maroon 5 and felt like writing a good angsty/fluffy smol oneshot. Well, it's not very good but, here I wrote it so here it is xD

“Get a hold of yourself, Dean,” you murmured, turning away from him and folding your clothes. However, you barely paid attention to what you were doing.

Dean stumbled behind you a little. He was slightly drunk. Alcohol rarely affected him and it was the same case now except a bit of his speech slurred.

“I am fine, babe,” he muttered gruffly, taking off his boots and shirt.

Your head spun. How had your life become such a mess? You turned around to look at Dean.

His bare chest was covered in scars that were barely healing. You saw him flinch every time he moved, knowing that one of his ribs was injured. He refused to seek medical attention, how much ever you begged him to.

Dean’s hunting life had never bothered you. Until now. He came back home later than ever, bloody and battered. He seeked solace in you, you knew that but it hurt watching him like this. He was in pain, you could see that very well. And it hurt even more knowing that you couldn’t help him in anyway.

“Look at yourself, Dean,” you said, shoving the clothes aside and crossing your arms.

“What? I look amazing, right?” He joked but his eyes lacked mirth.

You scoffed at him. He had the audacity to mock you? You were fuming, to put it lightly. All this time, you let it slide. You waited patiently for him to realise what he was doing. But not anymore.

“You look barely alive, Dean!” you said, gesturing at his chest. Your chest felt tighter, as the anger bubbled in you. You wanted to scream at him, heck throw something but all that came out was a gutteral whimper.

Dean’s subdued green eyes bore into your own. “What do you want me to do?” he asked, silently. You wanted him to yell too but he was being quiet- too quiet and it frustrated the hell out of you.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?” You screamed, finally breaking. The bubbling anger burst out of your chest, cascading down your cheeks as furious tears. “HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE ABOUT YOURSELF, DEAN?” you yelled, pulling at hair. You were finding it difficult to speak, the words caught up in your throat. The fury you felt was suffocating you, like a hand clasping your throat.

“Jesus, Y/N. Would you calm down?” he said, his tone a little higher now. He moved closer to you and placed his hands gently on your arms.

You looked down, crying. It hurt so much to even see him like this. The man you were in love with and cared so much about, was a mere broken shell. And what was worse that he didn’t seem to care about it.

You shrugged his hands off and backed away. “If you can’t think about yourself.. Would you atleast think about me? About us?” You sobbed. You felt so small before him. He didn't scare you, no. You were only afraid of what he was becoming.

Dean looked up at you. His eyes were wide with shock. “What makes you think I don’t care Y/N?”

You brushed away a tear but another one took its place. “If you cared you wouldn’t be like this, Dean,” you whispered.

Dean looked aghast. He ran a hand over his face. “Everything that I’m doing..I’m doing it for us Y/N!” he said forcefully, like he didn’t quite understand what you were saying.

“Doing this for us? Us, Dean?! At what cost?” you yelled, turning away from him. You were trembling. How could he be so blind?

“You come home late, broken and bruised all over and act like it’s nothing! You think a bottle of whiskey can cure you. How can you care so little about yourself, Dean?” you questioned, your hands fisting on their own.

“How can you love me, when you can’t even love yourself?” you added, eyes shining with unshed tears.

Your words were bitter and accusatory. Dean physically flinched at them. “You really think so?” he whispered. You felt his hand tug at the hem of your blouse and you turned around, in spite yourself, still weeping.

“I am so sorry I hurt you, baby,” he whispered, sounding a little broken and you couldn’t hold back anymore. You flung yourself at him and like always, in spite of everything, he was there- scarred chest or not- to hold you.

“But believe me when I say this, sweetheart,” he said, pulling you flush against him and hugging you tight. His voice cracked a little, becoming a mere rasp. You buried your face into his chest and hiccuped. “I love you. Whatever I do, I do it while keeping you in mind and maybe... I stopped looking after myself in my struggle to protect you.”

You looked up at him. There it was. What you wanted to hear him say, all this while. “I need you to stop doing that. Okay?” you said, placing your hands on either side of his neck. He immediately leaned in to your touch and closed his eyes. You could see that he was trying not to cry.

“I can't lose you Y/N,” he said, avoiding the question. “I love you too much and I need you. I need a girl like you, baby.”

“I'm not going anywhere, Dean. I just need you to take care of yourself better. To give a shit. Do it for me if you won't do it for you. Do it for Sam.”

Dean opened his eyes. A tiny speck of brightness had returned in those eyes. You, on the other hand, were still snivelling. Dean brushed the silent stream of tears from your cheeks.

“Please, stop crying. Shhhh,” he pleaded, hugging you and burying his face into your shoulder.

You tried to stifle your whimpering. You felt a lot less angrier now. All your anger, frustration had spilled out in the form of your tears. The long standing wall was broken.

“Tell me you'll try, Dean,” you said, looking at him with shining eyes.

He met your gaze and thought for a moment. There were times when he was an open book and there were other times where you couldn't ever guess what went on in that mind of his. This was one of those times.

“I will,” Dean said, placing his hands of your hips.

“I'm sorry I made you so upset,” he added.

“I'm not upset, Dean. I'm angry and I'm worried. For you. I love you so much it breaks me to see you like this. To watch you throw yourself away like you mean nothing. You might not mean much to yourself but you mean the world to me,” you said, breaking down again, the emotions overwhelming you.

“I am sorry,” he repeated, brushing his lips against your forehead. “I'll try to do better. Be better.”

“And I'll always be here to help you through it, baby,” you said, rubbing the length of his arm. “I can only help if you help yourself first.”

“God, what would I do without you?” He asked, pulling you into him again.

You resisted and pulled him into bed with you instead. You curled around his frame, spooning him.

He was bigger and larger than you were but in that moment, Dean Winchester felt small and fragile as he lay in your arms.

Come what may, you were going to be there for him. Protect him and care for him and let him know he was loved.

You couldn't leave him. He needed you as much as you needed him. You were his girl.

Your caring hands would stitch his wounds and your unwavering love would eventually heal his heart- teach him to love himself.

To love him was to fix him.

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fanaticwritings · 7 years ago

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His Secret - CHAPTER 3

Sam Winchester x Reader [AU SERIES]

warnings: angst, e x p o s i t i o n

word count: 1.5k

chap. 1 | chap. 2

A/N: So what is his secret? ;) Hope you like the chapter!

S A M

Sam's disheveled appearance hadn't seemed to bother Y/N. The second he had opened the door, she had barged in- a fury of wild hair and and storming eyes. Sam was still in his office clothes; his white shirt was untucked and hung loosely over his grey well-fitting pants. Worry lined his handsome face. He had spent the entire day distracted and fretting over Y/N. She had left in a rush, clearly pissed at him. He knew she rarely answered when she was at work but it only disturbed him more. Everyone at work had noticed how off he was and a couple of them had even asked about it. He had brushed it off as stress.

Even though he had texted Y/N that he didn't know what had made her mad, a voice inside his head told him that his worst fear had come true. He should've seen it coming. Y/N wasn't stupid. She would've noticed his absence and it tore him to think what she must have gone through when she'd discovered that he wasn't there next to her. He didn't even want to begin to think about how long she had known, how long she had waited. He should've told her, very well before they started dating. He should've. But he didn't. Whatever was going in her mind right now? Y/N had stormed upstairs and Sam followed her. He was panicking and worried about her. About them. He wanted to pull her shaking figure into him and apologise till she forgave him. She plopped on the bed with a loud thump and didn't say anything; only fidgeted with her shirt sleeve. Y/N wasn't hot-headed. In fact, she was the kindest and the most understanding soul Sam had ever met. To have upset her, meant he had done something very wrong. And he had, he was well aware. He had voluntarily chose to do that to her. "Y/N," he pleaded, his voice a mere whisper. If Sam Winchester was scared of anything it was hurting the ones he loved. He didn't know how mad she was, and his mind being the most insecure thing that it was, had immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusions. What was she thinking? He needed to know. He hesitated to even touch her. He nudged her shoulder instead. Y/N glanced up through her eyelashes, but the cheerful light behind them was gone. "Why are you angry?" he asked softly, trying to sound as collected as possible. He still desperately hoped that he was wrong about her knowing. Y/N shot him a hard look. Sam sat down in front of her, and took her hands into his. "Baby.." Y/N yanked her hands from his and stood up. "You know exactly what I'm angry about, Sam," she said roughly. She was pacing the room now, her hands in her hair. Sam knew she was trying to calm herself but she had waited far too long. And he had let her down. "Please just tell me?" He had to tell her, he really had to. But a hundred more reasons as to why he shouldn't popped in his head. Y/N looked at him finally, hands on her hips.

"I know you keep disappearing an night, Sam," she said, tilting her head to the side.

Sam grimaced. He had hoped, even if deep down he knew it wasn't possible, that Y/N was mad about something else. Now that she had said it, he wished he had told her first and that she didn't have to find out like this. After a month of them dating together, this little secret he had never let him sleep. Not that it did before. Sam hardly ever slept but knowing that he was hiding it from the love of his life messed him up more. He had had a good reason to not tell her. To him, it seemed like doing the right thing. It made sense then. Now, however, not so much. "Where do you go Sam? Why didn't you tell me about it? What is it that you have to do that you do it when I’m sleeping? And don’t tell me they’re just late night strolls because I know you take cash and then sometimes don’t return with it." She queried, her hands fisting. In spite of himself, Sam was surprised that she had observed these things. Well, she was smart. He should’ve known better than to keep secrets from a detective. It also hit him then that she had had most probably even come up with her own conclusions. God. He didn’t want to think about that yet. He remained silent, head tilted down, head heavy with guilt. How should he tell her this? Whatever he was telling was ten times worse than what she was thinking. "Where do you go, Sam?" she asked again, her voice cracking a little. She sounded a little uncertain, a little scared. He hated hearing her like this. Distrusting, anxious. He looked up. "Baby please calm down... it's not what you think it is-" "-It's not what I think it is? I'm asking you where do you go and yet here you are, refusing to give me a straight answer. Where do you go, Sam? To some...some crazy hooker mistress who can fill all of your needs that I can't?" Sam shut his eyes at that. How had it even come to this? He flinched a little at her sharp tone. He couldn’t blame her for mistrusting him; he had bought this on himself. But to think that she’d thought he’d stoop so low... "Don't you trust me, Y/N?" he asked, a pained expression on his face. He felt awful for making her think he cheated on her.

"Trust you? I waited until now for you to finally tell me everything, all on your own. I gave you your space because I trust and love you, Sam. I could’ve found out what you were doing but I was patient. But today I asked you to talk to me and you still said nothing. And yet..even now, I can't bring myself to believe the fact that you of all people would be faithless." Sam softened a little at that. Her chin was quivering a little, as if she was trying not to cry. Sam’s heart tugged at him and he felt sadness and nausea wash over him. When they had started dating, he had promised himself that he wouldn’t hurt her. And yet here they were, being tested by time. One strand of her hair came loose and curled at her forehead as she stood there in front of him. He wanted to kiss her badly and assure her that she was the only one for him. "I didn't go to some crazy hooker, Y/N," he confessed, standing up and walking to her. He placed his arms on her waist, brushing his thumb against them. "I didn't tell you... to protect you." Y/N looked up at him. Confusion and worry marked her face. Somewhere deep in her eyes he saw a slight hint of fear too. Y/N was a fierce woman. She had everything it took to be a great detective. And yet, Sam couldn’t not do everything in his power to protect her. It was one of the many reasons why their relationship was hidden from the world in the first place. He had known the risks he'd get her into when he decided to date her, because he had fallen for her in a way where there was no turning back. He couldn't live without her. "Tell me?" Y/N asked, her voice softer now. The comforting warmth that her voice always held was back again and Sam sighed. "I swear I tried to only hide it to keep you as safe as I could, baby. Because I can't live without you," he confessed, voicing his thoughts. His voice was breaking a little. Y/N only seemed more puzzled and troubled. She lifted her tired hand and placed it against his cheek. He leaned into her touch. "What is it?" she whispered softly. Sam sighed and let go of her as he turned away. Did he have to do this to her? Let her know his secret, lead her voluntarily into something she may have never even dreamed of? But she knew now and Sam didn't want her to think he was a lowly, lying cheat. His mind and heart tore at each other. One told him to think about how selfish he was for letting her into this while the other told him how selfish he was for hiding it from her whilst wishing she'd stay. Whatever he did, he only painted a bad picture of himself. He deserved it, he thought. But there was no escaping now, was there?

Sam exhaled deeply.

Still facing away from her, he said in an attempted collected tone, trying to make it as clear for her as he could. "I'm hunting for my parents' murderer."

A/N: Did you see this coming? Please let me know what you though of the chapter! I love to know what goes through your mind when you’re reading, it’s what keeps me going! Leave a comment/ ask <33

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