#survival method

[applejuiz]

Fjord Stone, truly one of the characters of all time… Travis Willingham locked tf in for three straight years and slowly developed one of the most complex and dynamic character arcs in any actual play show and we don’t talk about it nearly enough!!!!!

[flwrkid14]

Training the Bat Way (aka Bruce’s Terrible Parenting 101)

Bruce Wayne, aka the Dark Knight, aka the absolute worst, has this little training exercise that the entire family unanimously despises. He calls it “building resilience” or “preparing for the unexpected.” The rest of the family calls it Bruce’s stupid sleep-deprivation kidnapping game.

Here’s how it works: Bruce waits until you’re at your absolute lowest—after a grueling week of non-stop patrols, minimal sleep, and a near-catastrophic Gotham meltdown. Once you’ve finally collapsed into a dead sleep (and sometimes, after he’s sneakily slipped you a sedative to make sure you stay asleep), he picks you up, sticks you on a plane, and drops you off in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes it’s a remote village in the mountains; sometimes it’s the bustling heart of a city on the other side of the planet. The challenge? Find your way home.

Occasionally, Bruce will leave you with some supplies: a wallet, maybe a burner phone, a little equipment if he’s feeling generous. But more often than not, you’ll wake up with absolutely nothing. No money, no ID, no tools—just the clothes on your back and a pounding headache from whatever the hell Bruce drugged you with.

Some highlights of Bruce’s 'training' include:

• Dick waking up in the middle of Germany with nothing but his expired driver’s license and missing socks (He'd hidden cash in them, so he can only guess Bruce found it).

• Steph regaining consciousness in Iceland with a crumpled €5 euro and zero idea how to exchange it for local currency.

• Damian waking up in the middle of the Sahara Desert. No gear. No money. Nothing but sand and the distant memory of Bruce’s smug face.

• Tim once took over a month to get home from a tiny town in Thailand. By the time he made it back to Gotham, he’d created an entire fake identity, complete with forged documents, an elaborate backstory, and several new international contacts. Bruce called it “impressive.” Tim called it traumatizing.

• Cass, of course, took this completely in stride. Woke up in India, dismantled a shady criminal organization she stumbled across, and then casually returned to Gotham two days later like nothing had happened. When asked how she managed it, she just shrugged.

• Duke waking up in the Grand Canyon with his phone at 1% and a granola bar in his pocket. He got home in less than a day, having hitched a ride, bartered his way onto a train, and charmed a group of tourists into helping him. He also got himself a pet chameleon on the way, somehow.

• Jason refuses to talk about his turn, but based on the suspicious amount of diplomatic immunity he now has in several Eastern European countries, it’s safe to say he didn’t play by Bruce’s rules.

If they’re lucky, Bruce leaves them somewhere within the U.S., in which case the Wayne name might help speed up the process. But outside of the States? Forget it. Flashing a “Wayne” credit card can cause more problems than it solves (That's if they're even lucky enough to have a credit card to flash in the first place).

To the rest of the family, this whole thing is less of a “training exercise” and more of a weird, sadistic game Bruce plays when he thinks they’re getting too soft. And no matter how many times they complain, Bruce insists it’s “for their own good.” Because of course he does.

The thing is, they all do get home. Eventually. And yeah, maybe they come back stronger or sharper or whatever excuse Bruce uses to justify it. But at what cost? (Mostly their sanity and a burning hatred of international airline fees.)

Still, the Bats have learned to adapt. They’ve formed their own set of unspoken rules:

1. Always keep some emergency cash hidden somewhere on your person (And hope Bruce doesn't find it, because he will take it).

2. Never, ever fully trust that glass of water Bruce hands you after patrol.

3. And if you wake up in the middle of nowhere, the first step is simple: curse Bruce Wayne’s name as loudly and creatively as possible. Then get to work.

Because at the end of the day, they will get home. And they’ll probably sucker-punch Bruce the second they do.

[lutszu]

Like father like son

[furiousgoldfish]

All of the self-help books are diagnosing me with 'avoidant' as if that's a problem. What do you want me to do about things that make me suicidal, dive into them? I'm not trying to die out there. Leave me be.

[aardvaark]

the king george job (3x12) // the hot potato job (4x04)

parker's alternatives to grifting... ("what? he's gonna wake up in like three hours.")

[arsuns-ramblings]

What Tommy can’t say about his new book is that it’s called Tommyinnit’s guide to survival bc Tommyinnit’s survival guide was already taken /j

[the-most-humble-blog]

🖤 Lightsaber Colonoscopy: Sith Edition

💬

I cracked a joke.

He calmly said, “Last guy who did that got a lightsaber colonoscopy.”

Chewed his toast. Looked me dead in the soul.

I sipped my tea like a hostage.

This is why we need a galactic CPS.

[the-aftonsparv]

don’t worry! i have a plan! what’s that? where did it come from? well. i. um. dsmp tommyinnit vigilante fanfiction. why?

[muninnhuginn]

Ngl definitely thinking back to the cartoon-making chapter now we know that Twilight doesn't realise studying/pursuit of knowledge can be fun. No wonder the cartoon he made sucked. He was approaching it purely from the educational angle with zero idea of the entertainment aspect that makes edutainment programming effective.

It's not that he was really bad at writing the fun parts. He plain didn't realise there were meant to be any in the first place for it to work.

Copying the aesthetics with no understanding of what was underneath.

[dragonfreckles]

Oh come on dude it can’t be a coincidence at this point

[grayintogreen]

NO MATT DONT DO AN ELVIS IMPRESSION YOUR VOICE WILL GET STUCK THAT WAY.

[the-kings-of-henrietta]

till alien stage everything that you are is so rooted in love. you were a product of it, you lived by it, suffered for it and died because of it. you love so deeply and it destroyed you, but you died loving freely, and being so freely loved in return. life is too short and love is too long, but you cant take loved away.

[uuuhshiny]

Vladimir Verevochkin bruised. Compilation

[corvid-gremlin-official]

TOM. TOM SIMONS HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW

TOMMYINNIT’S GUIDE TO SURVIVAL????

oH THE FLASHBACKSSSSSSS

[thisperfectmonsoon]

the one thing I know best is how to build walls. access to me is a gift, and you have to earn it.

I will protect what I have left, what little feels like mine, even if it means I’m left completely alone.

[dynamitekansai]

"I'm the bad guy? How?"