#systems years into studying themselves and having full comfort and understanding within. full love. full acceptance.

[our-inspire-verse]

I always feel so out of place even in system communities. Does anyone else relate at all??

Like, idk some system memes are cool and relatable bc obviously not everything is gonna line up, but so much of it doesn't click with us.

We've almost never been put off by the voices, we all wanna communicate, we don't think less of each other or think 1 deserves more front time than anyone else, etc. Idk, there's so many memes about denial and eating each other's food and all this distress. Which is i know, a major part of many system's lives. Part of what makes a meme is the repeatability and a lot of systemhood IS struggles in that area.

But what about systems who do everything right (in the sense that we have healthy coping and such)? What about systems who unconditionally love each other and dissociative barriers are something we work around instead of fighting? What about the systems who love the voices?

[icedflames]

The Progression of Elain and Azriel’s Relationship.

Let me preface this by saying this is LONG. 

After a second read through of ACOSF, I really think it’s clear that Elriel will be featured in the next book. Sooo, book by book, I’ve complied excerpts that show the progression of Elain and Azriel’s relationship and why I think the next book will feature them. I’m not going to be adding a lot of commentary, just my general interpretation of the scene. The excerpts speak for themselves. 

A Court of Mist and Fury

Chapter 24 - Elain meets Azriel at the Archeron Estate

"A faint smile bloomed upon Azriel’s mouth as he noticed Elain’s fingers white-knuckled on that fork, but he kept silent...”

“Elain said, ‘It’s all very disorienting.’ ‘I can imagine,’ Azriel said. Cassian flashed him a glare. But Azriel’s attention was on my sister, a polite, bland smile on his face. Her shoulders loosened a bit.”

“Elain said to Azriel, perhaps the only two civilized ones here, ‘Can you truly fly?’ He set down his fork, blinking. I might have even called him self-conscious. He said, ‘Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.’‘That’s very beautiful,’ she said. ‘Is it not—frightening, though? To fly so high?’ ‘It is sometimes,’ Azriel said.”

“Rhys chuckled, Cassian’s wrath slipping enough that he grinned, and Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well.”

At their first meeting, Azriel’s attention was on Elain and she labeled the idea of the Illyrian’s flight as beautiful. Feyre notes how Elain and Azriel are similar and says they are “perhaps the only two civilized ones.” Polite and kind. 

Feyre notes that Elain’s shoulders loosened when Azriel offered her a polite smile and after noticing Azriel relax, she offers a grin. Azriel probably noticed Elain’s discomfort because of her fingers tightly grasping the fork and tried to put her at ease. In return, Elain felt relaxed based on Azriel’s cues even though they had just met. 

Chapter 50 - Feyre distracts Rhys by talking about her sisters

“And I think Elain—Elain would like it, too. Though she’d probably cling to Azriel, just to have some peace and quiet. I smiled at the thought—at how handsome they would be together. If the warrior ever stopped quietly loving Mor. I doubted it. Azriel would likely love Mor until he was a whisper of darkness between the stars.”

Feyre again notes their similar temperaments - how they are both introverted and would appreciate each other’s company in silence. The second part, about Azriel loving Mor forever, now sticks out given what we know from A Court of Silver Flames. I’ll get to that later. 

A Court of Wings and Ruin

So at this point, Elain and Nesta have been forcibly turned fae against their will. I didn’t include that portion because it’s more relevant to Elain’s self-journey, rather than her relationship with Azriel. 

Chapter 24 - Nesta and Elain move to the townhouse

“Azriel arrived first, no shadows to be seen, my sister a pale, golden mass in his arms. He, too, wore his Illyrian armor, Elain’s golden-brown hair snagging in some of the black scales across his chest and shoulders. He set her down gently on the foyer carpet, having carried her in through the front door.

Elain peered up at his patient, solemn face. Azriel smiled faintly. ‘Would you like me to show you the garden?’ She seemed so small before him, so fragile compared to the scales of his fighting leathers, the breadth of his shoulders. The wings peeking over them. But Elain did not balk from him, did not shy away as she nodded—just once.

Azriel, graceful as any courtier, offered her an arm. I couldn’t tell if she was looking at his blue Siphon or at his scarred skin beneath as she breathed, ‘Beautiful.’

Color bloomed high on Azriel’s golden-brown cheeks, but he inclined his head in thanks and led my sister toward the back doors into the garden, sunlight bathing them.”

Elain is traumatized from her experience with the cauldron. She’s withdrawn, she’s quiet, and she’s scared. Azriel carries hers through the front door, rather than just setting her down outside. To make her more comfortable with the house, he offers to show her the garden. Feyre likely made mention of Elain loving flowers so this was a sweet gesture on Azriel’s part. 

Most significantly, Elain (likely) called Azriel’s scarred skin beautiful - his trauma ingrained into his skin and the history of his abuse... She sees it and calls it beautiful. And Azriel blushes. 

“But Lucien’s attention went right to the hallway toward the back, his nostrils flaring as he scented Elain’s direction. And who she’d gone with. A low snarl slipped out of him. ‘Relax,’ Rhys said. ‘Azriel isn’t the ravishing type.’ Lucien cut him a glare.”

Oh Rhys, Azriel definitely is. 

I thought it was interesting. Yes, mates become possessive. But why include that? Why wouldn’t Lucien snarl when Elain was with Rhys or Cassian? Just a thought. 

“Elain sat silently at one of the wrought-iron tables, a cup of tea before her. Azriel was sprawled on the chaise longue across the gray stones, sunning his wings and reading what looked to be a stack of reports—likely information on the Autumn Court that he planned to present to Rhys once he’d sorted through it all. Already dressed for the Hewn City—the brutal, beautiful armor so at odds with the lovely garden. And my sister sitting within it.”

I really love the juxtaposition of Azriel clad in black, sprawled in the gardens with Elain, so full of light, sitting there with them. It’s unlikely that the morally grey spymaster (who literally tortures people for his profession) and the sweet girl would have struck up a friendship. But there they were, in the garden, enjoying each other’s silent company. Exactly what Feyre predicted in A Court of Mist and Fury (“Elain would probably cling to Azriel, just to have some peace and quiet”). 

“‘Why not make them mates?’ I mused. ‘Why Lucien?[...]What decides it? Who decides it?[...]You said your mother and father were wrong for each other; Tamlin said his own parents were wrong for each other.’ I peeled off my dressing robe. ‘So it can’t be a perfect system of matching. What if’—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?’

‘A mating bond can be rejected,’ Rhys said mildly, eyes flickering in the mirror as he drank in every inch of bare skin I had on display. ‘There is choice. And sometimes, yes—the bond picks poorly sometimes the bond is nothing more than some...preordained guesswork at who will provide the strongest offspring. At its basest level, it’s perhaps only that.’”

The conversation between her and Rhys is very important. Up until this point, we’re led to believe mates are the end all be all. Mates are soulmates. Now, we have a scene directly suggesting that the mating system is flawed and a mating bond could be broken. And it’s Feyre talking about Elain and Lucien’s bond, using Azriel as an example as who Elain might choose over Lucien. 

At this point, Elain and Azriel’s relationship starts to progress and they slowly start to become acquainted with each other. 

Chapter 27 - Elain has a vision

“‘I saw young hands wither with age. I saw a box of black stone. I saw a feather of fire land on snow and melt it.’”

“Mad. Elain might very well have gone mad.”

So here, Elain spouts a vision and Feyre, Nesta, Mor, and Azriel are taken aback. Feyre remarks that her sister may be going mad. They don’t understand what’s going on with Elain and why she is espousing such creepy things. 

“I faced Azriel, exposing my palms to him. ‘What does that mean?’ Azriel’s hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body. And without a word, he winnowed away. Mor watched the space where he’d been standing long after he was gone.”

Azriel had an expression of concerned and then winnowed away without a word, leaving Mor gaping. Why? Why was she gaping and staring at the spot Azriel had been? Could it be that she sees something Feyre doesn’t?

Chapter 30 - Azriel and Cassian visit Elain and Nesta

“The two Illyrians paused their inspection of me long enough to note my sisters finishing up breakfast, Nesta in a pale gray gown that brought out the steel in her eyes, Elain in dusty pink. Both males went a bit still.”

We know that Nesta and Cassian are mates. Cassian stilled at the sight of Nesta. Azriel stilled at the sight of Elain. Hmm.

“I dragged a hand over my face before going to Elain and touching her too-bony shoulder. ‘Can I set you up in the garden? The herbs you planted are coming in nicely.’ ‘I can help her,’ said Azriel, stepping to the table as Elain silently rose. No shadows at his ear, no darkness ringing from his fingers as he extended a hand.”

Azriel stepped in and said he could help Elain get to the garden. A bit of a pattern. He wants to keep her company, and perhaps, wants to have her company. Even more significant are that his shadows are missing. We know that the shadows disappear around Mor, who he’d been pining over for 500 years. Now they’re gone around Elain. Maybe it’s just to make her more comfortable or maybe it’s because he’s developing an interest in her. 

Chapter 32 - Azriel discovers Elain is a seer

“Elain’s brows twitched toward each other. ‘The queen—with the feathers of flame.’ The shadowsinger angled his head. Lucien murmured to me, eye still fixed on Elain, ‘Should we—does she need …?’”

‘She doesn’t need anything,’ Azriel answered without so much as looking at Lucien. Elain was staring at the spymaster now—unblinkingly.

‘We’re the ones who need …’ Azriel trailed off. ‘A seer,’ he said, more to himself than us. ‘The Cauldron made you a seer.’”

Azriel, as observant as he is, realized Elain wasn’t going mad. She was a seer.

Lucien thought she was going mad or she was ill. As did Feyre, Mor, Nesta and everybody else in the Night Court. This is mentioned in prior chapters when Lucien suggested to Feyre that Elain see a healer. 

However, Azriel looked at Elain and figured it out. Which is important to Elain. When speaking to Lucien about Grayson, Elain said, “No one ever looked - not really...He did. He saw me. He will not now.” Azriel looked. Azriel saw her. 

Chapter 50 - In the townhouse, winnowing to the Illyrian Camps

“Mor took Nesta and Cassian by the hand, readying to winnow them to the camp, while shadows gathered around Azriel, Elain at his side, wide-eyed at the spymaster’s display.”

Azriel’s shadows are gathered around him, likely in response to brewing war and because Feyre just made a deal with Bryaxis. Elain is staring wide-eyed. I don’t interpret this in fear but in awe. 

“Then Azriel, gently taking Elain’s hand in his own, as if afraid his scars would hurt her.”

The gentleness Azriel exhibits towards Elain is just sweet.

Chapter 62 & 63 - Hyburn kidnaps Elain

“But Azriel asked softly, ‘What about Elain?’ Something cold went through me. Nesta was just staring at Azriel. Staring and staring.”

“From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, ‘I’m getting her back.’

Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows.

Nesta said, ‘Then you will die.’

Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, ‘I’m getting her back.’”

Azriel is the first person to realize Elain is missing! Not Nesta, not Feyre, not Amren. Azriel.

His eyes glowed (an indication of powers at play), with rage in his stare. Azriel is angry, he’s upset, he will get Elain back. Nobody asked Azriel to rescue Elain. Nesta even told him he would die. But Azriel doesn’t care. He’s getting her back. 

This really shows that perhaps their friendship developed further than Feyre realized and Azriel had formed a connection with Elain. A connection strong enough that he would risk dying to get her back.

Chapter 65 - Azriel and Feyre rescue Elain

“My mouth went dry as that scream sounded again. I couldn’t bear it—to let it go on, to see what was being done. Azriel’s shadow-hand grasped my own, tugging me closer. His rage rippled off his invisible form.”

Feyre and Azriel both thought it was Elain screaming in Hyburn’s camp. Rage was rippling off his invisible form. Azriel, stoic, brooding Azriel is so angry because he thinks Elain is being hurt that Feyre remarks on it. 

“Azriel gently removed the gag from her mouth. ‘Are you hurt?’

She shook her head, devouring the sight of him as if not quite believing it. ‘You came for me.’ 

The shadowsinger only inclined his head.”

Again, Azriel is so gentle with Elain. 

Elain devoured the sight of him. Elain didn’t believe Azriel would save her. But he did. “You came for me.” 

“The gray light of morning had broken over the world, mist clinging to our ankles as we headed into that camp, Azriel still cradling Elain to his chest.”

“Nesta rounded a tent, skidding to a halt in the mud. She let out a sob at the sight of Elain, still in Azriel’s arms.”

“Rhys lunged for Azriel, taking Elain from him and gently setting my sister down. Azriel rasped, swaying on his feet, ‘We need Helion to get these chains off her.’ Yet Elain didn’t seem to notice them as she rose up on her toes and kissed the shadowsinger’s cheek.”

Azriel is wounded but he’s still cradling Elain to his chest. He doesn’t have to but he doesn’t let go. Almost like if he goes, she’ll disappear again. And then Elain kisses his cheek? Too cute. 

Chapter 69 - Truthteller

“Azriel, still limping, merely nudged aside Cassian and extended another option. ‘This is Truth-Teller,’ he told her softly. ‘I won’t be using it today—so I want you to.’”

Azriel is still injured and was being stubborn in wanting to fight, despite Rhys telling him he couldn’t. Azriel didn’t relent until Mor begged him with tears in her eyes. Since he can’t fight, he’s offering Elain one of his knives... 

“Elain’s eyes widened at the obsidian-hilted blade in Azriel’s scarred hand. The runes on the dark scabbard. ‘It has never failed me once,’ the shadowsinger said, the midday sun devoured by the dark blade. ‘Some people say it is magic and will always strike true.’ He gently took her hand and pressed the hilt of the legendary blade into it. ‘It will serve you well.’”

Again with the gentleness.

“Cassian gawked at Azriel, and I wondered how often Azriel had lent out that blade. Never, Rhys said from where he finished buckling on his own weapons against the side of the wagon. I have never once seen Azriel let another person touch that knife.

Elain looked up at Azriel, their eyes meeting, his hand still lingering on the hilt of the blade.

I saw the painting in my mind: the lovely fawn, blooming spring vibrant behind her. Standing before Death, shadows and terrors lurking over his shoulder. Light and dark, the space between their bodies a blend of the two. The only bridge of connection … that knife.”

So Azriel didn’t offer Elain just any knife. It’s Azriel’s most prized possession to the point where no other person, not even his brothers or Mor, had ever been allowed to touch it. Yet here he was lending it to Elain. His relationship and connection to Elain is strong enough and deep enough that he would give her his beloved dagger.

Here’s where it gets interesting. The lovely fawn standing before death. In ACOMAF chapter 57, the Book of Breathlings said (in pertinent part), “Rot and bloom and bones...Hello, fanged beast and trembling fawn.” I think the choice of words is intentional. Death and a fawn? Hmm.

Further, when Majda described the mating bond to Elain she said, “The mating bond. It is a bridge between souls.” Now Feyre says - the only bridge of connection is Truth-Teller. Why use the words describing a mating bond to describe that moment?

Chapter 74 - Elain Kills Hyburn

“Elain stepped out of a shadow behind him, and rammed Truth-Teller to the hilt through the back of the king’s neck as she snarled in his ear, ‘Don’t you touch my sister.’”

Elain, using Azriel’s dagger, stabbed Hyburn in the neck. The trembling fawn snarled in the king’s ear and killed him to protect Nesta. 

Stepping out the shadow seems like a significant parallel. In Chapter 62, “Azriel stepped out of a shadow.” Azriel’s symbol is the shadow. Elain stepped from a shadow, Azriel’s symbol, and exhibited a display of strength, despite being traumatized for most of the book...

A Court of Frost and Starlight

Chapter 2 - Rhysand thinks about the War

“Cassian was near death and Nesta was sprawled over him, shielding him from that killing blow, and Elain—Elain—had taken up Azriel’s dagger and killed the King of Hybern instead.”

Elain, of all people, killed Hyburn with Azriel’s dagger and that imagine is important enough for Rhysand to think of it again. 

Chapter 4 - Feyre asks Mor about Truth-Teller when gift shopping

“‘You honestly think he’d ever give up Truth-Teller?’

‘He gave it to Elain,’ Mor said, admiring a moonstone necklace in the counter’s glass case. 

‘She gave it back,’ I amended, failing to block out the image of the black blade piercing through the King of Hybern’s throat. But Elain had given it back—had pressed it into Azriel’s hands after the battle, just as he had pressed it into hers before. And then walked away without looking back.”

Just as Azriel had pressed the knife into Elain’s hand, Elain pressed it into his when she finished. Gently. 

Chapter 7 - Rhys and Azriel discuss gifts

“‘Az ran a hand through his dark hair. ‘Are we …’ Unusual for him to stumble with words. ‘Are we supposed to get the sisters presents?’ 

‘No,’ I said, and meant it. Az seemed to loose a sigh of relief. Seemed to, since all but a breath of air passed from his lips”

Interesting how Azriel is stumbling over his words when he asks if he needs to get Elain (and Nesta) a gift. What could be making him so nervous to give her a gift? A crush, maybe?

Chapter 12 - The Inner Circle has a Family Dinner

“Elain’s voice was colder than usual. I glanced at Nuala and Cerridwen, the latter giving me a shake of her head as if to say, Not a good day for her.”

Elain has befriended Azriel’s spies to the point where they tell Feyre, Elain’s sister, that it’s not a good day. 

“‘Don’t,’ Elain said flatly, starting once more into a walk, veils of steam drifting past her shoulders from the roasted rosemary potatoes in her hands, as if they were Azriel’s shadows.”

Interesting choice of words. 

“Azriel emerged from the sitting room, a glass of wine in hand and wings tucked back to reveal his fine, yet simple black jacket and pants. I felt, more than saw, my sister go still as he approached. Her throat bobbed.”

Handsome Azriel walks in and Elain goes still. Her throat bobs. Elain is totally crushing on Azriel.

“But I strode to my seat—nestled between Amren and Mor—in time to see Elain say to Azriel, ‘Hello.’ Az said nothing. No, he just moved toward her. Mor tensed beside me.”

Why would Mor tense up (again)? 

“But Azriel only took Elain’s heavy dish of potatoes from her hands, his voice soft as night as he said, ‘Sit. I’ll take care of it.’ Elain’s hands remained in midair, as if the ghost of the dish remained between them. With a blink, she lowered them, and noticed her apron. ‘I—I’ll be right back,’ she murmured, and hurried down the hall before I could explain that no one cared if she showed up to dinner covered in flour and that she should just sit.”

Elain was so shocked that she kept her hands up and then ran off to make herself look presentable. She has it bad.

“One moment, his hand was spearing toward the serving spoon. The next, it was stopped, Azriel’s scarred fingers wrapped around his wrist. ‘Wait,’ Azriel said, nothing but command in his voice. Mor gaped wide enough that I was certain the half-chewed green beans in her mouth were going to tumble onto her plate.”

“Azriel didn’t let go. “Wait until everyone is seated before eating.” 

Azriel telling Cassian to wait for Elain to come back before they started eating. How sweet! And again, Mor tenses, gapes, etc. because of Azriel and Elain. Why does she keep doing that? Is it because Azriel is maybe moving on? Is she jealous? Or is it something else? 

“Elain swept in, apron gone and hair rebraided. ‘Please don’t wait on my account,’ she said, taking the seat at the head of the table.”

She got all fixed up. Aweee.

“‘I’d feel bad for the mice,’ Azriel muttered. Mor and Cassian howled, earning a blush from Azriel and a grateful smile from Elain—and no shortage of scowling from Amren. But something in me eased at that laughter, at the light that returned to Elain’s eyes.”

After Amren bluntly told Elain that there was no going back to being human and Elain was visibly upset, Azriel told a joke to lighten the mood. Elain shot a grateful smile and Feyre’s was so happy to see a light return to her sister’s eyes.

Chapter 16 - Rhys speaks to Cassian and Azriel

“Azriel strode to the lone window at the end of the room and peered into the garden below.”

Who could be in the garden Azriel? 

Chapter 18 - Feyre and Elain talk about Lucien

“‘He brought you a present.’

Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them. ‘And that entitles him to my time, my affections?’

‘No.’ I blinked. ‘But he is a good male.’ Despite our harsh words. Despite this Band of Exiles bullshit. ‘He cares for you.’

‘He doesn’t know me.’

‘You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.’ 

Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. ‘I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.’

Elain is mad. She doesn’t want a mate or a male. Yet some bond is forcing him on her. She doesn’t want Lucien. A gift isn’t enough to win her over. 

More importantly - he doesn’t know her. 

Chapter 19 - Winter Solstice 

“I made to move toward [Elain], but someone beat me to it. The shadowsinger was clad in a black jacket and pants similar to Rhysand’s—the fabric immaculately tailored and built to fit his wings. He still wore his Siphons atop either hand, and shadows trailed his footsteps, curling like swirled embers, but there was little sign of the warrior otherwise. Especially as he gently said to my sister, “Happy Solstice.” Elain turned from the snow falling in the darkness beyond and smiled slightly.”

Azriel immediately made a move towards Elain to wish her a happy solstice. Again with the gentleness. 

“Watching Cassian especially, now standing with Az at the fire. He was the portrait of relaxed, an arm braced against the carved mantel, his wings tucked in loosely, a faint grin on his face and a glass of wine in his hand. He slid his hazel eyes toward my sister without him moving an inch.”

Azriel stealing glances at Elain.

“‘Oh, that’s from me.’

Azriel’s face didn’t so much as shift at the words. Not even a smile as he opened the present and revealed -

‘I had Madja make it for me,’ Elain explained. Azriel’s brows narrowed at the mention of the family’s preferred healer. ‘It’s a powder to mix in with any drink.’

Silence.

Elain bit her lip and then smiled sheepishly. ‘It’s for the headaches everyone always gives you. Since you rub your temples so often.’

Silence again.

Then Azriel tipped his head back and laughed. I’d never heard such a sound, deep and joyous.”

Elain give Azriel a sweet, thoughtful, and funny gift that made Azriel laugh so deep and joyously. That rarely happens with him.

“Azriel mastered himself enough to say, ‘Thank you.’ I’d never seen his hazel eyes so bright, the hues of green amid the brown and gray like veins of emerald. ‘This will be invaluable.’”

Feyre had never seen Azriel’s eyes so bright. Ahhhh. 

They’re most definitely friends by this point, with the other chapters hinting that the two are crushing on each other. 

Chapter 22 - After the gift giving

“Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room, my sister showing him the plans she’d sketched to expand the garden in the back of the town house, using the seeds and tools my family had given her tonight. Whether he cared about such things, I had no idea.”

Elain and Azriel stay behind, late at night talking about gardening. Even if it’s not of interest to Azriel, he wanted to be with her. So sweet! 

A Court of Silver Flames

Chapter 3 - Cassian tells Nesta that Azriel will be staying with them 

“Cassian said tightly, ‘He says he’d rather stay up here than at the river house.’ That made two of them. ‘Why?’

‘I don’t know. He’s Az. He likes his space.’”

Alright so let me start by saying Cassian isn’t as observant. And the readers have more insight. Who stays at the river house? Elain. Why would he want to stay at the house of wind? To avoid her. Why would he want to avoid Elain? Probably because he’s developing feelings for her. 

Chapter 19 - Cassian tells Azriel about Elain and Nesta’s fight

“‘Because of the shit with Elain?’

Azriel stilled. ‘What happened to Elain?’

Azriel stilled at the thought of something happening to Elain. Honestly, enough said. 

Chapter 21 - Nesta insults Elain

“‘Maybe you’ll become interesting at last, Elain.’

Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike. Elain’s eyes brightened with pain.”

Azriel’s shadows were prepared to attack in defense of Elain. Sounds like somebody has feelings for Elain...

Chapter 22 - Azriel and Cassian discuss having children

“Cassian looked over at Az. ‘You think you’ll ever be ready for one?’ Ever be ready to confess to Mor what’s in your heart?

‘I don’t know,’ Azriel said.

‘Do you want a child?’

‘It doesn’t matter what I want.’ Distant words—ones that prevented Cassian from prying further.”

So Cassian still thinks Azriel is head over heels in love with Mor. And Azriel responds with distant words, saying it doesn’t matter what he wants. Could what he wants be Elain? The seer whose mate happens to be the son of a high lord? 

He could understandably be hurt over that. 

“He was still happy to be Mor’s buffer with Azriel, but there’d been a change lately. In both of them. Mor no longer sat beside Cassian, draped herself over him, and Azriel … those longing glances toward her had become few and far between. As if he’d given up. After five hundred years, he’d somehow given up. Cassian couldn’t think why.”

Azriel rarely looks at Mor. There’s been a change. And Cassian has no idea why, after 500 years, Azriel has finally given up. 

Elain. Elain is the reason. 

Chapter 29 - Amren suggests Elain should look for the trove

“Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, ‘There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.’”

Azriel doesn’t want Elain to be exposed to that darkness. He’s acting protective over her. Like he really cares for her. 

Chapter 30 - Azriel and Cassian discuss Feyre’s pregnancy

“‘No. But we need to summon Lucien,’ Azriel said, just a shade tightly, as if he didn’t like it one bit.”

Why wouldn’t Azriel want to summon Lucien? Perhaps he doesn’t want anything to develop between Lucien and his mate, Elain? 

He’s jealous. 

Chapter 44 - Elain tells the story of how Nesta stole a Duke’s heart

“‘She made ballrooms into battlefields and plotted like any general. Like you two,’ she said, nodding to Cassian, and then, a bit more shyly, to Azriel. Azriel offered her a small smile that Elain quickly looked away from.”

Elain is shy around Azriel, and quickly looks away from his smile. Sounds like a crush. 

Chapter 58 - Winter Solstice 

“You came,” Elain said behind her, and Nesta started, not having heard her sister approach. She scanned Elain from head to toe, wondering if she’d been taking lessons in stealth either from Azriel or the two half-wraiths she called friends.”

Elain is stealthy, quiet. So much so that Nesta remarks that Azriel or his spies himself may be giving her lessons.

“Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if he’d heard Elain’s sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it.

‘I was just checking on dessert,’ Elain explained as they approached the doorway and Azriel. Nesta met the shadowsinger’s stare and he gave her a nod. Then his gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly, and she gave him a shallow nod of greeting before brushing past...”

Azriel heard Elain’s laugh and wanted to see what caused it. 

They looked at each other and Elain’s breath caught - something charged in that gaze. It’s obvious now that the two have developed feelings for one another. 

“‘Why don’t you sit?’ [Nesta] leaned against the doorway beside the shadowsinger. ‘My shadows don’t like the flames so much.’ A pretty lie. She’d seen Azriel before the fire plenty. But she looked at who sat close to it and knew the answer.

‘Why did you come if it torments you so much?’

‘Because Rhys wants me here. It’d hurt him if I didn’t come.’”

“Shadows darkened his eyes, full of enough pain that she couldn’t stop herself from touching his shoulder. Letting him see that she understood why he stood in the doorway, why he wouldn’t go near the fire.

His secret to tell, never hers.”

Elain and Lucien are by the fire. Nesta quickly picks up on the fact that it torments Azriel to see it. She understands why. She sees the pain in his eyes. Azriel is likely in love or close to in love with Elain and seeing her with a mate pains him. Knowing that he’s not her mate pains him. 

Chapter 59 - Post Solstice 

“He’d been replaced in training by a stone-faced Azriel, who was more aloof than usual and wouldn’t even give her a smile.”

What happened to put Azriel in such a bad mood? 

Azriel Bonus Chapter

This is where Elain and Azriel’s feelings towards each other are confirmed.

This occurs on Winter Solstice - which explains why Azriel acted the way he did and why he “more aloof than usual.”

I’m not going to go into the Gwyn part of the chapter because, in my opinion, it’s not relevant to Azriel and Elain’s relationship. 

“Too many razor-sharp thoughts sliced him any time he grew still long enough for them to strike. Too many wants and needs left his skin overheated and pulling taut across his bones.”

Azriel isn’t sleeping because of his desires...

“He was elated for his brother and yet... Azriel couldn’t stop it. The envy in his chest. Of Cassian, and Rhys.”

Azriel is jealous of Cassian and Rhys. Of their mating bonds and their connections. 

“The faelights gilded Elain's unbound hair, making her glow like the sun at dawn. 

She halted, her breath catching in her throat. ‘I...’ He watched her swallow. She clutched a small gift in her hands. "I was coming to leave this on your pile of presents. I forgot to give it to you earlier.

Lie. Well, the second part was a lie. He didn’t need his shadows to read her tone, the slight tightening of her face.”

Elain’s breath catches when she spots Azriel. 

Azriel knows Elain well enough that he can tell when she’s lying.

“Elain closed the distance, and her breathing quickened as she again paused, now a scant foot away. She extended the wrapped gift, her hand shaking. ‘Here.’

Az tried not to look at his scarred fingers as they took the gift. She hadn't bought her mate a present. 

But she'd gotten Azriel one last year-a headache powder he kept on his nightstand at the House of Wind. Not to use, but just to look at. Which he'd done every night he’d slept there. Or attempted to sleep there.”

Elain is so nervous to give Azriel his gift! 

Azriel looked at the gift she gave him last year every night... They both have it bad for each other. 

I won’t bother to quote it, but Elain gifts Azriel another thoughtful gift - ear plugs to drown out Cassian and Nesta. 

“He left the rest unspoken. Because her mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much.”

This is what Nesta observed and understood. Azriel was so tormented by Elain having a mate that he couldn’t go near her. 

“Elain's large brown eyes flickered, well aware of all that. Just as he knew she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days.”

Understanding between the two of them. Like she knew he liked her but they wouldn’t act on it. Why though?

“Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.”

Azriel’s shadows always vanished around Mor, the woman he loved for 500 years. Now they do the same around Elain. 

“His head went quiet. But he took the necklace, opening the clasp as she exposed her back, sweeping her hair up in one hand to bare her long, creamy neck.

“He knew it was wrong, but there he was, sliding the necklace around her. Letting his scarred fingers touch her immaculate skin. Letting them brush the side of her throat, savoring the velvet-soft texture. Elain shivered, and he took a damn long time fastening the clasp.”

This confirms that there is sexual attraction and romantic feelings between the Elain and Azriel. She shivered. He savored the texture of her skin. 

18+ below!!!

“It had never gone this far. They'd exchanged looks, the occasional brush of their fingers, but never this. Never blatant, unrestricted touching. Wrong - it was so wrong. He didn't care.

He needed to know what the skin of her neck tasted like. What those perfect lips tasted like. Her breasts. Her sex. He needed her coming on his tongue.

Azriel's cock strained behind his pants, aching so fiercely he could hardly think. He prayed she didn't peer down. Prayed she didn't under stand the shift in his scent.”

Azriel is so turned on. He needs Elain. Yet, the touching is wrong to him. Wrong because perhaps he doesn’t feel like he’s enough for her. 

“He had only allowed himself these thoughts in the dead of night. Had only allowed his hand to fist his cock and think about her then, when even his shadows had gone to sleep. How that beautiful face might appear as he entered her, what sounds she'd make.”

Azriel thinks of Elain at night and pleasures himself to him. 

“‘I should go,’ Elain said, but made no move to leave. ‘Yes,’ he said, his thumb sweeping in long strokes along the side of her throat. Her arousal drifted up to him, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head at the sweet scent. He’d beg on his knees for a chance to taste it.”

Eyes rolling, beg on his knees... Sounds a lot like how Rhys and Cassian react to Feyre and Nesta. 

“So close one deep breath would brush her breasts against his chest. She looked up at him, her face so trusting and hopeful and open that he knew she had no idea that he had done unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond his scars. Such terrible things that it was sacrilege for his fingers to touch her skin, tainting her with his presence.”

That’s why he keeps making self-deprecating comments - he doesn’t feel worthy that somebody like him (a man who tortures for his job) would touch her.

“Azriel’s hand slip up her neck, burying in her thick hair. Tilting her face the way he wanted it. Elain's mouth parted slightly, her eyes scanning his before fluttering shut. Offer and permission. He nearly groaned with relief and need as he lowered his head toward hers.”

Elain and Azriel are about to kiss! That is, until Rhysand commands him to stop. 

“His stomach twisted as he pulled his hand from her hair and stepped back. Forced himself to say, ‘This was a mistake.’ She opened her eyes, hurt and confusion warring there before she whispered, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You don't- don't apologize, he managed to say. ‘Never apologize. It's I who should...’ He shook his head, unable to stand the bleakness he’d brought to her expression. ‘Goodnight.’”

So Rhysand stops the almost kiss and now Elain feels rejected. Azriel is devastated for having to stop and see the hurt he inflicted. 

“Rhys's power rippled through the room like a dark cloud. ‘I’m talking about you, about to kiss Elain, in the middle of a hall where anyone could see you,’ he snarled. ‘Including her mate.’

Rhys is angry in this scene that Azriel may risk starting a feud between courts - the autumn court where Lucien is from (yes, Helion is his father but as of now, Beron believes himself to be Lucien’s father). 

“‘What if the Cauldron was wrong?...The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it’s possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters yet the third was given to another.’ He had never before dared speak the words aloud.

Azriel questions the Cauldron. Why were my brothers chosen? Why wasn’t I chosen? Why am I never chosen? Why can’t I just be with the person I want to be with? 

Azriel isn’t saying he deserves her or not. He’s questioning fate. 

He’s upset. He’s angry. He’s lonely. He’s heartbroken. 

“Azriel said nothing. He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. Rhys growled, ‘Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her.’

‘You can't order me to do that.’”

Azriel doesn’t want to listen to Rhysand. Azriel made his feelings clear - he can’t be ordered to stay away from Elain because of his feelings for her. 

Then, Rhys again mentions the Blood Duel. That Lucien could invoke it should Elain and Azriel pursue something. 

“Rhys bared his teeth. ‘So you will leave Elain alone. If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her.’”

Azriel snarled softly.

His snarl indicates there is way more than just lust between Elain and Azriel. 

So that’s it. 

Azriel and Elain went from acquaintances, to friends, to crushes, to almost lovers and the bonus point of view makes it clear that they have both romantic and sexual feelings towards each other. 

It set up the theme for the next book - a forbidden love story where Elain and Azriel must overcome fate itself to be with each other. 

[wanna-b-poet31]

Abandoned Places, Abusive Spaces

So I was thinking about how space is a big theme in the miniseries. Hell (in Good Omens) is crowded while Heaven’s HQ is uncomfortably abandoned. 

Heaven is empty. But like. It’s not a “noone is here, we own nothing” empty. It’s not a “we sold everything we had to provide for the needy” empty. It’s the clinical emptiness of an abandoned hospital. It’s sterile. It’s empty. It’s purposeful. 

Heaven with their elitist bureaucracy and misguided approach to “earthly” things (these guys can’t remember what the hell a book is) would pick the incorrigible rich person aesthetic of minimalist interior design with open spaces.

Hell, on the other hand, is constantly packed with bodies and in a similar way is empty of objects but full and crowded with bodies:

This contrast in and of itself isn’t too unusual.  You can see the masses of people (entities?) traveling out the door. You can see the piled chairs serving no use except to be a pile. The clothes are disheveled and torn, compared to the “immaculate” suits of the Angels. Even their skin is decomposing (well mostly, Crowley and Ligur are notable exceptions)

There is clearly a commentary on class dynamics going on. 

Where Heaven CHOOSES to be empty, with large spaces between the individuals, Hell doesn’t have such a luxury, so people don’t have things because their currency (SPACE) is being commodified.

Making a Bookshop a Home

And I could talk for hours about the class dynamics going on, but that’s not my expertise. Abuse, Trauma, and Queer Studies is. So, let’s turn our attention to Aziraphale’s home:

It is packeddddd with books and collections that he’s proud of. Just look at the GIF above. It’s packed wall to wall with bookcases. 

And, on top of it, we know he’s got the best selection of wines (at least a good selection), he hoards books (usually first additions) and spends his miraculous wealth on things that make him happy, specifically underpinning the Heavenly choices for minimalism. It’s cramped, yes, but not cluttered. 

AND specifically not “Full” in the same way Hell is. 

Perhaps the best way to see this difference is by focusing on the lighting. Where Heaven is blindingly bright, like an “it-hurts-my-eyes-to-look-at-too-long” kind of bright, Hell is so poorly lit I have to crank the brightness up on my computer to adequately see the beginning of Ep. 6 well.  

Aziraphale’s bookshop has no such problem. Look at the below GIF:

The whole room is full of light sources. It is sprinkled with lamps, and the windows (that we see in Ep. 5) are big and wide, allowing alot of supplementary natural lighting eluminating the building.  Even at night (See the below GIF), details are clear, you can make out the time on the clock, and that the bookcases are full. Yes, it’s darker than the above GIF, but we are reliably informed it’s late at night here. 

Instead, what’s going on is that his Bookshop is being filled with Warm light. Heaven’s brightness is cold and blinding while Hell’s crowded darkness is hard and suffocating. Both have an absence of warmth and tbh “warm” is great description of the Angel himself. He exudes the soft, kind aura of someone who is willing to give you a hug (only if you wanted on though). 

Crowley’s Hall of Sparked Joy

Crowley, in contrast, IS a minimalist. 

So surely he must be a Heavenly mirror? (I mean he is but not because of this) Instead, his minimalism is much more in-line with Marie Kondo’s school of thought. He keeps only things that spark joy. 

While his flat isn’t really lived in, and that’s on purpose, the “emptiness does not really exist for emptiness’ sake. He keeps the things that bring him joy. He pours his soul into things he cares about – his plants, his art, his car, his “antique” answering machine – because he needs more breathing space after enduring hell, but he’s not inattentive. 

Even within these spaces, like in the Bentley, he has even more pockets of joy beyond the item itself. For example, it’s confirmed that he has a tin of cookies in his car for Aziraphale to munch on, and he keeps an unkempt pile of CD’s of his favorite bands (and Queen).  

If we extend our review of lighting, we can also see that while not nearly as “warm” as Aziraphale’s home -- it is steeped in deep blues and greens where Aziraphale is steeped in gold -- but it’s not “dark” in the same way Hell is. It’s bright enough to see even his most sour expression (despite no obvious light source), and despite being a creature with a black-based wardrobe, he balances it well with his “off-white” walls. 

Not Holy, Not Damned, But a Hybrid: Human

Further, you can see how the two are doing MORE than rebelling. They’re not only pushing against the prescriptive styles they are expected to have. Instead, they’re creating hybrid spaces that don’t just reflect themselves, but where they can BE themselves in their environment. 

There’s a whole lot of trauma and recovery motivating the shift. Neither Heaven nor Hell could do anything at this point that would make either space an appealing option to model themselves after.  What has been done -- 6000+ year abuse remember -- leaves both trying to cope with how their respective sides treat them as “misfits”. 

It’s easier (and healthier) for them to piece together their own interpretation of existence, together. No strings attached. 

A Nightengale Sang in Berkley Square

Which brings me to my actual analysis. If (and by if I mean 100% when) Aziraphel stayed over at Crowley’s after the Armageddon’t, then he would witness the vastly different stylistic choices in Crowley’s home and perhaps be uncomfortable with the similarities to the emptiness of Heaven. 

However, I wager, he would recognize that Crowley’s home is not, like heaven, actually empty. For one thing, Crowley has walls, but for another, he puts his heart into spaces that he can feel vulnerable in (again see his car, his home, AND the bookshop for evidence). If Aziraphel wasn’t feeling the palpitations of love in Crowley’s apartment, I think he might need a system’s check. BUT in this point of the narrative, Crowley would not know what heaven looks like (at least not the contemporary headquarters that they keep post-fall). He would not know that the collector tendencies that AZ. displays is likely a response to not having an individual personality in heaven. Similarly, Aziraphale wouldn’t know exactly how unkempt and crowded Hell is, and that it’s a big deal that Crowley feels comfortable if not SAFE in HIS cluttered bookstore.

Then, the swap happens, and layers of understanding are added to the ways the two react to their landscape. We can talk at length about how Aziraphel (disguised as Crowley) is in shock at the physical abuse going on. And we could talk about how Crowley (disguised) almost breaks character a series of times as he’s being emotionally or verbally abused by Gabriel on behalf of his angel. But both are unprepared for the kinds of spaces they’re entering when they’re kidnapped by their “side”. The fundamental problem with how Heaven AND Hell function is that both are cold, abusive, and really, aren’t functional spaces. Like I mean that literally. Scroll back up and evaluate Heaven’s emptiness. Nothing can get done reasonably in Heaven, it’s simply devoid of any personality and character. It’s not bland, it’s much more insidious than that. Rather, it’s false transparency, a “nothing to see here” while they are enabled to continuously belittle and attack Angels who question their motives. They are more than willing to use that space for hellfire torture for Aziraphale, but being left alone in that space is intimidating by itself. Under the guise of “good” or “righteous” is cold-blooded indifference to the health and wellbeing of the angels under their watch.  

Hell is also insidious, but for more obvious and in your face kind of reasons. Granted, of the 2 Hell does actually offer a trial, but the depths of abuse and uncomfortably close quarters probably shocked Aziraphale, as Hell’s landscape shocked Crowley. The takeaway being that neither place represented either of them nor their needs. But, that they can come together and create new spaces – spaces that are inclusive to different experiences – that will help them cope with their own abuse and make it so a deep-down good demon, and just enough of a bastard angel, can have space together.

TLDR: Their “chosen spaces” are much more important and healthy than their “assigned” spaces. 

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[beccarooni]

Ice Planet - Chapter 4

(a.n: oof its been like 6 months since the last update ANYWAY enjoy the angst and love. for those of u not caught up, the boys are stranded on an ice planet, and thors powers have gone haywire and almost destroyed the ship.) 

The two had made a careful camp, in the wake of the ship, and it was almost comforting in a weird sort of way. The ships wingspan protected them from the falling snow, and the fire that blazed in front of them from the small amount of wood they’d been able to gather was comforting. 

Oddly, it reminded him of home. The smell of smoke, and the warmth of a companion next to him. It was like his childhood had come back in full colour - the dark blue shade of the night  sky, orange and yellow flames illuminating the underside of their faces. All they needed was a few good ghost stories, and they’d be set for the evening.

An evening that never seemed to end - Thor nibbled at his bottom lip as he glanced upwards towards the sky. Still dark. There hadn’t been a ray of sun since they’d gotten here, and he silently cursed himself for not paying more attention to the ships mapping system when he’d had the chance. 

A planet with eternal darkness - that was probably a prominent clue as to where they were. 

“It’s a pity Loki isn’t here,”

Thor rubbed his hands together over the flames, trying to coax some warmth back into them. 

“He’d probably be able to figure out where we are in a heartbeat.”

“Or Angry Girl.” 

Hulk sniffed, looking oddly endearing with his knees drawn up to his chest, and a blanket thrown over his shoulders. 

Thor hummed his agreement, shuffling closer to the fire, ignoring the twinges of pain that any sort of movement seemed to be sending shooting down his spine.

Which, probably wasn’t good. This whole situation probably wasn’t good, no matter how much nostalgia he managed to cloak it in. 

His lightning had never reacted like that before. No matter how temperamental it was, it was still his. It destroyed, it fixed, it did whatever it was meant to do - because he told it to. It didn’t disobey him. It wasn’t supposed to.

He frowned, studying the veins in his hand that had been alight with lightning just a few hours ago. Something had to have changed, but he couldn’t place his finger on what. Because what could be so powerful as to disarm him, The God of Thunder, from his element? 

A large finger prodded into his cheek, and he looked up to see Hulk’s face peering down at him with concern. 

“Gonna talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

Hulk grunted, gesturing wildly with his hands out to the ship. To the lines of black, leftover scorch marks burned into blue metal from where his lightning had touched it. Hadn’t destroyed it, at least not completely, but had still been volatile enough to leave a mark. 

“Dropped ship. Powers didn’t work, ” Hulk moved a little closer, lowering his voice as if he was telling a secret - despite there being no one but the howling wind to tell. 

“Why?” 

“If I had an answer for you, I would provide it. As of right now your guess is as good as mine.” 

Hulk nodded, turning his face back up to the stars, letting out a soft sigh that was illuminated white against the darkness of the outdoors. 

Thor wasn’t quite sure what compelled him to say what he did next. Maybe it was Hulk’s face, so rarely calm and yet now, it seemed he couldn’t be anything but. Seeing him like this, green skin smoothed with an odd sense of relaxation - if you didn’t know him, you’d think he was like this all the time. Just someone watching the stars, on an insignificant night, on an insignificant planet.

But, if you knew him, you’d understand how special this was. It wasn’t insignificant, at least, not in the dismissive way. 

It had taken so long for Hulk to become something else, in Thor’s eyes. 2 whole years away from earth and suddenly, he wasn’t a big green mass of rage that operated only on fear. 

He had a life. He had friends. 

Thor could curse himself for not seeing it sooner. 

“You know, I think we actually have a lot in common - you, me, and Bruce. I think we make quite a good team.”

Thor drew his hands back from the fire - not that he was getting much warmth from it, anyway - setting them behind him, so he could stare up at the sky. 

Hulk stiffened at the mention of Bruce, a large hand idly reaching up to trace at the wound from yesterday - that was almost nothing but a scar by now. 

“Thor changing the subject.” 

“I just thought it was important for you to know. That you’re important.” He let out a soft grunt as he lowered himself down to his elbows, allowing his eyes to shut just for a few moments. 

“You and Banner. It doesn’t have to be a competition.” 

A few seconds of quiet passed, and Thor was a little worried he’d crossed a line, until he felt the warmth of a larger hand covering his own. 

“Maybe,” Hulk shifted, linking his fingers with Thor’s. 

“Don’t say it like that, though.”

“Like what?”

“Like goodbye. ” 

Thor’s eye opened again, and Hulk had gotten somehow closer, a few inches away from his face. 

And he was worried. Again. 

The words ‘friend stay’ had been echoing around his skull as of late, and right now they had never seemed more relevant. He hadn’t meant to imply…whatever Hulk thought he was implying. He wasn’t going anywhere, at least, wasn’t planning on it. 

But, things had been going wrong. And things had been going right, but in the wrong kind of way. The Norns clearly weren’t on his side, at least that much was clear. 

Who’s to say what would happen once they returned to earth? Would earth even let them stay? And if they didn’t would Bruce and Hulk want to go with the Asgardians to someplace else?? 

Did Thor want them to go with him? 

It seemed he had a habit of leaving people he cared about behind. Distance had driven he and Jane apart, and now it seemed that destiny wanted to repeat that. 

Maybe he was destined to be alone. 

“Hulk, I’m…I don’t want to go anywhere. Truly. You are..” 

He paused, feeling his throat run dry, but the words seemed to be spilling out regardless, creating an uncomfortable tightness in his throat. 

“You are special to me. You and Bruce, both.” 

“Special how?”

Ah.

There it was. 

The question that a thousand doubts and fears couldn’t overrun. And an answer that he didn’t know how to articulate - and he wished he could. He wished he wasn’t the only one in his family born without a silver tongue, because there was so much he wanted to say and so much he couldn’t. 

How could you express that someone feels like home? That two people, sharing one body, have also found a second place deep within your heart? 

Bruce was special. He was kind and thoughtful and so, so brilliant that he outshone the stars themselves. And Hulk was, for want of a word more befitting, sweet. Caring, in a gruff sort of way. A way that when thousands of planets away from home, forced into an alien gladiator arena, just the sight of him made him feel hopeful enough to yell and- 

Oh dear. 

“I don’t know. You just are, ok? You’re just special to me. In a way that means I don’t want to leave you, not really ever, actually and - why are you asking so many questions?” 

Thor scrambled to his feet, which turned out to be a mistake, his vision swimming rapidly in front of his eyes. And that, of course, made Hulk stand up, and put his hands on Thor’s shoulders which was the kind of contact he’d been trying to avoid. It was too warm. Too real. Too close to igniting something and making him say something that could ruin things. 

“Look, just uhm…I’m going to go explore, alright? Find some more firewood or something. And then we can talk about this back on the ship.” 

“Why Thor being weird?

“I’m not! This is normal!” 

“Nuh uh.” 

Hulk planted both hands firmly back onto Thor’s shoulders, and this time he couldn’t wriggle out. Green eyes bored down into him, narrowing in suspicion. 

“Thor off since ship crashed. Something wrong. Banner think so too.”

“You talked to Bruce about me?!” Thor couldn’t hide the sting of betrayal in his voice, no matter how petty and small he knew he sounded. 

His voice was nothing, in the wake of the storm. 

“Had to! Thor kept saying everything was fine, wouldn’t talk to Hulk properly!” 

His expression softened, then, and his hands fell to Thor’s sides, holding him gently at the elbows. 

“What happened?”

And there was another similarity. 

Hulk was clever. He had to be, sharing a mind with the one and only Bruce Banner. People tended to forget that, sometimes. When he wanted to be, Hulk could be sharp. Attentive. When things were worth it, he could pay attention.

And apparently, Thor was worth it. 

“Nothing happened.” Thor shook himself free of Hulk’s grip, shrugging his cape back over his shoulders. 

“I’ll be back later.”

“Thor-”

“I’ll be back. Watch the ship.” 

***

He figured he just needed to walk the feelings off. Clear his head, and all that. Lately he’d been too unfocused - and that was his fault. He hadn’t been on the ball, in fact he’d been so far off the ball that he wasn’t even in the same star system as said ball. 

It didn’t help that Hulk was fretting over him like a worried mother hen. He didn’t need that - he was the God of Thunder. He was the one doing the protecting. That’s just how it went. 

It didn’t matter that it felt nice to be held. What mattered was what was right. And what was right was for Thor to fly them both out of there, and that would be that. 

Maybe once they were safe, Thor could figure out these feelings. Because there wasn’t any point in denying them anymore. He’d all but blurted out a full declaration of something back at the campfire, and now was not the place for…whatever this was. Flirting? Friendship? Camaraderie? 

Naming his affection had never been his forte. Back on Asgard, he had time to practise these sorts of things. To write out the declarations of love, get the phrasing just so, and as such he’d had quite the reputation. 

On instinct, however, he was significantly less eloquent. 

Thor rounded a corner, the icy wind helping somewhat to lessen the burning feeling of shame in his face. Soft snow gave way to harsh rock, and he was so deep in thought that he almost missed the sight of a lone figure standing in the shadows of the cliff-face, starlight sparkling from ice-clad skin. 

His eyes wandered over the clothing, the light markings etched onto dark blue skin, and his legs almost caved under him with the weight of the relief.

Because for the first time in quite a few days, he knew what that was. More importantly, he knew where that was. Where they, by extent, were. And how to get home. He could’ve hit himself for not realising it sooner. He was on a planet of ice, with skies full of snow and storms, barren trees and steep ravines scattered as far as the eye could see. 

And standing in front of him, with their backs turned, was a frost giant.

Jotunheim. They had to be on Jotunheim. 

“Hulk? Hulk, are you listening?” His hands, numb with cold, fumbled with the communicator, turning dials and pressing unfamiliar symbols until his friends deep grumble resounded on the other side. 

“I’ve figured it out, we’re on Jotunheim! There’s a local here, I’m going to try to talk to them. See if we can’t find a way out of this mess.” 

Without waiting for a response, Thor clipped the device back onto his belt, and began walking forward. He wasn’t so naive as to assume he’d be entirely welcome here. Not after last time, at least. But he figured he’d at least made some steps towards forgiveness. Saving them from the bifrost, for one. Saving them - and the universe - from the Convergence, for two. And by now he really wasn’t above apologising if that’s what it would take to get them out of here. 

“Excuse me?” Thor approached the figure, raising his hand in what he hoped was a friendly greeting, trying to pull back on the lessons he’d had from Stark about appearing less like a terrifying elemental thunder god. 

“Sorry to be a disturbance, but-”

“Foolish boy.” 

“…Ah, right. Yes, I figured this might happen. Please, forgive my intrusion, I’m not here to cause trouble. Not even here on behalf of Asgard, actually. It got destroyed, if you could believe it. By my own sister which I didn’t even know I had and - I’m oversharing, sorry.” 

Thor finally managed to catch his breath, shaking his head slightly to try and clear the fuzziness within it. He was definitely coming down with something. But, still, that was no reason not to focus. His mind was still as sharp as ever, cold or no. Still perfectly capable of negotiating an exit, even if the ice giant had been quiet for a rather long time now, and that feeling of unease was slowly beginning to creep it’s way back up into his chest. 

“My friend and I crashed our ship. We just need help, until our people can transport us home.”

“Still so young, Odinson. Young, brash, and full of storms.” A low laugh escaped the figure, as the tall form began to turn, casting long shadows against the dark wall of the cliff. 

“You haven’t changed.” 

“I…what?” Thor narrowed his eyes, taking a few stumbled steps backwards. He hated how unsure he sounded, unauthoritative and unknowing, but the cold grip of doubt was beginning to tighten, making it fractionally harder to breathe.

He had to be imagining things. He could almost laugh at himself, really. Hulk would certainly have a field day with this when he finally caught up to them, because honestly, for a moment there Thor had actually considered that this might be -

The figure completed its turn, and the cold red eyes of Laufey stared back at him. 

His voice died in his throat. Laufey. King of the Frost Giants, Laufey. The very Laufey who’d been murdered in his father’s bedroom while he’d been banished on earth. 

He couldn’t be here. 

He couldn’t. 

“Poor, naive prince of Asgard.” Laufey’s voice echoed across stone, the grating of ice against cliffside scraping against his ears, somehow even worse than bruce’s chalk against a board could ever be. 

“You’re not real.” Thor almost whispered, half drowned out by the noise of the ever-present gale that hadn’t faded since their arrival. He took a few more steps backward, pinching at the bridge of his nose, rubbing at his temples, his eyes - trying anything to be rid of this illusion. 

“And why is that?” 

“Because you’re dead! You died years ago. I was there, you -” He finally managed to look up, his one good eye longing for any kind of focus. “You can’t be here.” 

Not-Laufey’s voice dropped to a murmur, as he regarded his hand with mild interest, red-eyed gaze flickering over where a spear of ice was quickly reaching a point. 

“Just another life taken by your doing, Odinson. Just another kingdom unravelled under Asgard’s lust for war. For conquest. How many have followed me, I wonder?” 

The wind picked up, pieces of grit and hail lashing his face like a thousand razor-sharp needles against his skin. He lifted his arms, torn between shielding himself and desperately trying to show that he didn’t mean harm. He didn’t want harm. He didn’t want, he didn’t, he didn’t.

“Was it your arrogance that caused your kingdoms downfall? Your sheer, stubborn belief that you could force the Norns hands if you so wanted?” 

Thor clamped his hands over his ears, screwing his single eye shut against the burning heat of the tears that were forming. His head hurt, his lungs ached with each stinging breath of air he took in, and he felt ashamed. 

“That’s not what I tried to do. I just wanted to prevent Ragnarok - I was saving us!”

“And in doing so, you opened the doors for Hela. Perhaps if you had stepped out of Surtur’s way, you wouldn’t have been touched with such tragedy.” 

Not-Laufey’s hand wrapped around the hilt of his spear, and his footsteps increased, each fall pounding against his ears as if the giant was made out of stone. 

“Perhaps you’d have more people left to mourn for you, when you die at my hand.” 

The sound of a spear piercing metal was one that Thor knew all too well. He’d felt the point of a blade against his skin before, it had been commonplace since childhood. Yet no spear-head, no dagger, no weapon he knew of felt as truly wrong as Laufey’s spear entering his chest. It wasn’t a stinging pain, no. It was cold. A numbing ache, that seemed to seep down to his bones, to his soul. Tendrils of ice seized his muscles and seemed to freeze him where he stood.

He barely felt it when his knees hit the stone floors. Everything already felt so far away. Already, he felt the cold whispering to him. Already, he felt his vision begin to fail him. Laufey left, and so did the stone, and the cliffs, and the spear.

Only the barren trees filled his vision before darkness took him, and he let himself fall. 

[fallout4holmes]

Journal 52

We traveled by night to the Taffington Boathouse. A way-point for traveling Railroad agents and synth refugees from the Institute, the two-story house usually provided a safe place to rest and a meal. They were not quite equipped for a dozen people to suddenly appear at once, but made the most of it.

The sun was just coming up as we arrived with Tinker Tom and Pam. As I was known to be searching for the Mechanist, the idea was that an assaultron in my company might be less suspicious than with any agent trying to look average. Dr. Carrington, Drummer Boy, and a handful of agents had gone ahead of us, while Desdemona, Glory, and the remaining agents were behind us. Deacon had gone east, disguise in hand.

Drummer Boy stood on the porch, keeping watch as a woman worked in the thriving garden in the front yard. She stood up with a basket full of vegetables, saw us coming, and promptly dropped the basket with a yelp.

I recognized her. As her creator's son rushed out of the house, I had a horrible premonition of what was about to happen. I immediately froze, and fortunately all my companions did the same.

"Hello, Eve," I said. To the young man staring at me with shock and anger, I said, "Liam. Good morning."

"Fuck off," he spat. He stormed toward me. I held a hand out to keep my friends from reaching for their weapons. If Liam was still a pacifist, the worst I would receive would be a verbal beratement. If he wasn't, I would probably deserve whatever he did to me. "You lied to me! You destroyed my home and you have the nerve to come here and say 'good morning?!'"

Tinker Tom spoke, hesitant, "We... probably should have mentioned Patriot was staying here, huh?"

"Don't call me that!" Liam snapped.

"I won't be in your way," I told Liam, "and I won't stay for long."

"Good," he said, and stormed back inside.

I looked at Tom. He shrugged, "Glory found him after the Institute was destroyed. She recognized him. His dad… almost made it."

I winced, "That must have been terrible for him."

We continued to the house, "Yeah, man. If Glory hadn't found him, if Zachariah hadn't been able to talk some sense into him—"

"Who?"

"Used to be called Z1-14. Convinced Liam that this was the world he'd sent synths to, this was what freedom looked like, the least he could do was help them survive in it. So Glory got them set up here. I hear Eve is a pretty good cook.”

Preston had carefully approached Eve and introduced himself as she recovered the produce scattered across the garden. He offered to carry the basket for her, which she politely declined, and thanked him for his concern. She hurried inside.

"General?" Preston asked as we went inside, "The kid that chewed you out…"

I explained, "Liam Binet is responsible for a great many synths being sent to the surface. He decided that freedom in whatever world existed up here was better than slavery inside the Institute. I was going to help him free more… I was going to help him free all of them."

"And instead you showed up with a bunch of Minutemen and blew his home to hell," Preston sighed.

“Yes.”

Drummer Boy had gone inside at some point during all this, and now met us at the door, “Tom, we’re gonna give the boathouse a proper floor for you to set up shop. Carrington’s setup is temporarily in the kitchen. Pam, there's a space for you in the living room. Still not sure how we’re going to fit everyone here.”

“No sweat, Drummer Boy,” Tom said, “we’ll make it work. It’s only temporary, anyway. Hopefully. First though? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I need some breakfast.”

We agreed. Danse left his armor on the porch temporarily, mindful of the limited space inside the house. Seeing yet another Minuteman uniform did not comfort Eve as she tried to cook. "Why are you here?" she asked Preston.

"Just here for a bite to eat and a moment's rest, ma'am. Then we'll be out of your way."

This comforted her somewhat. “You came with the Railroad.”

“General Holmes wanted to warn the Railroad that the Brotherhood were planning an attack. Figured we might as well help with the evacuation.”

Eve nodded, “The doctor, he said something similar, though much… harsher.”

“I can imagine,” I said with a small smile. “Dr. Carrington is not known for his bedside manner.”

“I’m not surprised. He’s sleeping now, but I’m sure he’ll reclaim the kitchen as soon as he wakes up. I’m glad you aren’t staying long,” she continued in gentle tones, no longer scared but still concerned, “it will be hard for Liam with you here. Harder than usual.”

“Are you his mother?” Danse asked.

She shook her head, “No, I’m a copy of her.” Seeing Danse’s scowl, Eve explained, “After she died, Liam’s father designed me to be a surrogate mother. I was a social experiment, to see if a synth could integrate into a family. That’s what he always told his colleagues. I like to think it was becoming more than that. I know Liam isn’t really my son, but I've come to love him as if he were.”

“How has he adjusted?” I asked.

She shrugged with a small smile, “Not much use for a computer genius on the surface. When synths come through, some of them like to talk to him, when they find out who he is, what he did. That seems to help him."

Danse’s scowl had lessened to a frown, but was made suddenly worse by Drummer Boy’s appearance, “Hey, mind if we borrow your power armor?”

“Yes.”

“We just need to move—”

Danse stood and followed, “Show me what you’re trying to accomplish.”

Preston, Tom, and I ate while Danse assisted with construction outside the house. Tom left to find a place for his sleeping bag, and Preston and I followed his example. Liam entered the kitchen as we left, pointedly ignoring our presence, and helped himself to breakfast with a pleasant "hello" to his surrogate mother.

Danse entered after him. Liam glared at the intrusion, unwilling to leave, and Danse wasn't about to be intimidated by a teenager.

So Danse filled his plate, sat down across the table from him and said, "I understand you're good with computers."

Preston and I listened in from around the corner.

"I was better than good, back when they still existed," Liam grumbled.

"The fact that you are no longer within a safe and secure closed system does not mean there is no use for your skills. Have you ever programmed a turret?"

"Have I… what?"

"Not as sophisticated as the challenge of freeing synths, but necessary to--"

Liam sighed angrily, "That's what I hate most about this place, everything comes back to violence."

"A pacifist nature in a world where ninety percent of it wants to eat you is exceedingly dangerous and unwise."

They ate in silence.

"You've been on the surface for nearly a year," Danse said, "what have you accomplished in that time?"

"Accomplished? Staying alive isn't enough?"

"You are secure in your position here with a consistent source of food, water, shelter, and supplies. Why haven't you done more?"

Liam was flabbergasted. "Like what?!"

"You're the so-called genius, you tell me." And with that, Danse stood, thanked Eve for the meal, and joined us in our search for a space to rest.

"Damn, Danse," Preston muttered when we were out of earshot, “think you were a little hard on the kid?” Despite the words, there was no mistaking the admiration in Preston’s tone.

Danse scoffed, "If anyone had known the entire population of the Institute could be utterly demoralized simply by forcing its inhabitants to the surface, the technology could have been salvaged instead of destroyed."

We ended up on the porch, out of the direct paths of activity in the house. I lit a cigarette as Preston and Danse made themselves as comfortable as is possible on ancient wood. We managed to rest for a few hours before Desdemona, Glory, and company arrived, sparking a rush of activity as everyone tried to expand the limited amount of shelter. It was time for us to go.

“Hey, Danse?" Preston suddenly asked, "The salvaging technology thing. Do you ever miss that part?”

“Miss it?” Danse was surprised and had to think for a moment. “Not exactly. I was skilled at identifying potentially useful artifacts, and there was always a sense of satisfaction in discovering a piece, but I was also content to simply hand them over to the scribes for study." He opened his armor, "However, I think there would be great value in scavenging missions, using technology to further enhance the effectiveness of our troops and security of our settlements.”

Preston shrugged, “We'd have to figure out how to use it.”

“True, though we do have some more scientifically minded individuals among some settlements.”

Preston’s brow rose. “You want to start a Minutemen version of Brotherhood Scribes with Institute refugees.”

Danse smirked and stepped inside his armor, “It does sound insane when you put it like that, doesn't it?”

"I completely disagree," I said.

They both looked at me, surprised, "General?"

"I know precisely who I want as our first recruit," I said over my shoulder as I hurried back inside.

Eve told me he'd gone out back, which is where I found him glaring at a machine gun turret pointed at the sewer drain north across the river.

“Liam, may I speak with you a moment?”

“I’d rather not.”

“I know I’m the last person you want to talk to, but I have a proposition--”

He spun to face me, “There is nothing you have to offer me! You betrayed me! My father is dead, everyone I loved and cared about was vaporized or lost in this barren irradiated shithole, because of you. I wanted to blame myself, I thought that somehow me trusting you meant I was responsible, but you were always going to destroy humanity’s best hope for the future, whether or not we ever met. You know, I used to feel sorry for you? You lost your son, you missed out on every moment of his life, but now, I see it's only what you deserved.”

I was incensed, “I will not be lectured by a petulant child. You were perfectly willing to send synths to this world you were so ‘curious’ about, you were perfectly willing to risk your perfect comfort, as long as you never had to think about the fact that your father was still building those slaves in the first place! There were plenty of scientists who had second thoughts about the Institute's isolation, about whether or not synths were people, about whether it was acceptable to experiment just because they could, and not a single one spoke up! Those ideas were firmly beaten down by fear of the consequences, and so apathy was chosen over compassion, because it was easier. And you want me to believe generations of isolated amoral inventors were the best hope for humanity? What about this humanity? What about the very real, human lives existing in this wasteland?”

"General?" Preston spoke from behind me, wary.

I breathed, suddenly very tired. “It's alright, Preston. Nothing to worry over."

"Awful lot of shouting for nothing."

"I'll explain later." I focused on Liam, "Your father was right in his belief that science should be done with compassion in mind first and foremost, but it takes a far more patient man than me to teach compassion to those who cannot feel it toward those they do not see. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret my actions, that people died, that the science that could have saved the world was lost. But neither could I stand by and permit it to exist. I tried to reason with the Director. I tried to tell him I wanted nothing to do with his Institute, but he wouldn’t listen. I tried to tell him… so many things. He was so convinced in his vision he refused to consider his father might not share it.

"But science with compassion," I continued, "that is a vision you and your father both shared, and it is one that could still happen. No, that needs to happen."

Liam was confused, "What?"

"You aren’t the only one to get out. There are Institute refugees scattered throughout the Commonwealth. Imagine what they could accomplish if they gathered together with a simple goal in mind - make life on the surface better for everyone."

He thought about this a long moment. "We’d work for you." The prospect did not please him.

"You’d be a new branch of the Minutemen," I explained.

Liam shook his head, "I don't want anything to do with you."

"Very well. The invitation remains open, indefinitely." I turned to leave.

"Why are you here?" Liam suddenly asked.

"The Minutemen and the Railroad are allies. Did no one tell you?"

He frowned, "Allies."

Preston answered, “The Minutemen are always happy to help everyone, no matter who you are, as long as you aren't in the business of hurting innocent people.”

Liam rolled his eyes, “Sure. Unless you’re the Institute.”

Preston was surprised. “Wait. You're really serious, you don’t know? Listen, man, I get that you probably weren’t in on all the activities of the people in charge or whatever, but you have got to know the people up here have some damn good reasons for hating your home. Like, super mutants? You know the Institute made them, right?”

Seeing Liam’s disbelief, Preston continued, “The Institute used the surface as its experiment testing area and dumping ground for who knows how long. People up here were tired of having loved ones taken from us and replaced, tired of synth raids destroying homes, tired of living in fear, so we struck back. I'm sorry not everyone got out. I know a lot didn't, even with the evacuation order, and I know that the ones who did escape had a hell of a nasty surprise in store."

Preston sighed, "I know survival is hard, but it's what we've been doing our whole lives while you were living down there. And you know, I can't even blame you for hiding away. But I can blame the Institute for making the lives of innocent people struggling to survive so much harder than it already was. If you want to just keep hiding, I get it. But humanity's best hope for the future is the one we make ourselves. You decide you want to be a part of that? There's a guy at the Red Rocket station south of Sanctuary who'd love to meet you. Just ask for Sturges."

We left. I told Desdemona the Minutemen would be in touch regarding the Brotherhood, and asked her to return the courtesy. We made our way west.

I don’t know if any of us convinced Liam Binet to keep trying to make a difference, but I hope the young man continues to find a reason to keep living.

[rookieinbflat]

Two Person System

Ethan x MC (Levin Stern)

WC: ~3200

Tags: @writerapprentice @vickypoochoices

Summary: This is the first part in a series of Levin and Ethan’s story now that they’re colleagues, which is a struggle because love is a two person system.

Dr Levin Stern sat in the front seat of Dr Ethan Ramey's car and wondered how she was going to crack this one. Levin knew she shouldn't do this, not again, trying to crack boys who didn't want to open up. She had learnt her lesson from her ex-boyfriend, well, she should have. Not to mention the stakes were much, much higher now, now he was her direct supervisor. She had the job of her dreams, the job she thought would take years to get to, but now, she had it all within reach. She was a firm believer that no man was worth her education or her career and those two things often went hand in hand. Levin had been debating the options over and over again in her head these past few weeks. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place, Ethan being the rock, obviously.

They were on their way to Albany for a medical conference and the hospital had taken too long to book flights and there were no seats available, so Ethan offered to drive. What a joke. If only some idiot hadn’t rear-ended her car the week before then they wouldn't be in this situation. A whole three-hour drive to get through. Fate had stabbed them and then twisted the knife.

Things had been understandably awkward between the two of them since she started on the diagnostics team. Levin had tried to maintain her professionalism, but it wasn't normal for her, she was used to goading Ethan, trying to make him smile and stop taking things so seriously, but she felt like she couldn't do that anymore, she felt like he couldn't be herself around him anymore. They had slept together thinking they would be colleagues at best, not with Ethan as her direct supervisor. It had only been a few weeks, maybe they just needed time to settle into the new situation they found themselves in.

"So," Ethan started after letting out a soft sigh, "how's life?" Levin smirked a little at how the tables had turned, just last year she had - somewhat awkwardly - asked him that same question when they were on the hunt for baby Ethan Hudson's stuffed frog toy.

"Um, it's good, I'm still getting used to things," Levin's voice is slow, she looks down to her lap and fiddles with the end of her scarf, "the whole office thing feels strange," she gave a short laugh.

Now that she was a junior fellow, Levin was given her own office in the hospital, right across the hall from Ethan's, albeit, hers was not as large and extravagant as his, but she did manage to find a good quality but a cheap coffee machine for her office.

"Yes, you'll need to find a comfy couch for between-shift power naps," Ethan smiles as he changes lanes, they were out of the city now and on the interstate, "and some earplugs, the walls are pretty thin,"

Levin coughs awkwardly, wondering if he realises the subtext of that statement, "God, maybe I should just move in there, I spend more time at the hospital than the apartment I actually pay rent on," Levin scolded herself internally, what the fuck was going on, this wasn't like her, Levin was the least awkward person in Boston, she prided herself on being able to make conversation with anyone, her ability to make people feel at ease and comfortable. It’s what made her a great doctor. Now, here she was, in the front seat of Ethan's car, second-guessing every word that comes out of her mouth. "Do we have to listen to this?" She says without thinking, the question catching both of them by surprise.

Ethan's mouth hangs open slightly, but he catches himself quickly and furrows his brow. There's a concerto playing and whilst it's beautiful, it's making Levin extremely sleepy, she didn't get much sleep last night between the constant study and also constant distraction of a certain surgical resident. "You don't like my music, Ro- uh, Dr Stern?" Levin sighed, he doesn't even call her Rookie anymore.

She looks over to him, "It's not that I don't like it, but I'd like something a bit more upbeat, I'm tired and this isn't really helping," she tells him truthfully and he glances over at her quickly before turning his eyes back to the road.

"Alright, you can put something on, let's see what sort of music you've got on there," he gestures to her phone and turns the Bluetooth in the cars sound system on.

She connects to the cars audio but takes a few seconds looking through her phone, she had playlists for every occasion: sad songs, party songs, Disney songs, 2009 songs, songs for the shower. She took a moment and figured her study playlist would be a pretty good option, songs that were catchy but still not too distracting. If Ethan is surprised or impressed or feeling any form of emotion right now, he doesn't show it, but soon he taps his fingers against the steering wheel and Levin can't help but feel like she's won this round.

She ties her long chestnut hair in a small bun at the nape of her neck, pulls her legs up onto the seat so they're crossed and retrieves her iPad from her handbag. Levin had downloaded all of her medical textbooks and journals onto it as well as dozens of medical apps, the device was practically attached to her hip at the hospital and she had bought it along with her this weekend so she could get in some much-needed study. While she had been getting some amazing practical learning done on the diagnostics team, she felt like she hadn't been able to study as much because of all the energy she was directed into working with Ethan.

"We're going to be at a medical conference all weekend, you're really going to study right now?" Ethan asks and she doesn't look up, pulling out the devices pencil to take notes along the sides of the pages.

"If you were me, wouldn't you be studying?" She says back, but she doesn't feel like she's paying much attention to her attending, the playlist has pretty much conditioned her to be in full-on study mode as soon as she hears it. Ethan doesn't reply and that's how she knows he agrees with her statement.

The next two hours that go by are relatively uneventful, Ethan had filled the gas tank before they left the city and Levin had her eyes glued to her textbooks the whole way down. They arrive at the hotel and retrieve their bags from the back of the car and just as Ethan hands the keys to the valet, an older man in a tailored navy suit stops him to question Ethan about the new book he's writing. I didn't know he was writing a new book, Levin thinks to herself but quickly shakes the feeling away, he didn't need to tell her, that's not her place. She slips off quietly, she wants this weekend to go by as quickly and painlessly as possible, getting caught up in conversations with Ethan is not apart of her plan.

Levin walks over to the reception desk in the foyer, she gets the key card to her room and makes her way over to the elevator, keeping her head low and her walk quick. Pulling her phone out of her bag, she catches up on any messages or emails she'd missed while it was on silent in the car.

Bryce Lahela (7 new messages)

Levin rolls her eyes, she's not surprised, Bryce has no shame in double or triple texting, he messages anything and everything that goes through his head, their text chain was basically a tour through his mind.

4.26pm: have you left already?

4.27pm: have you left already??????

4.30pm: ?have?you?left?already?

4.31pm: !!!!levin!!!!

5.02pm: hows the trip with dr. Terminator?

5.18pm: why aren't you taking me seriously

6.12pm: ugh and you say I'm annoying

How he had time to text her all these messages she had no idea, she knew he was at the hospital today, they'd all eaten together in the cafeteria at lunch. She laughed and typed out a quick reply before stepping out of the elevator, sorry, studied the whole drive over, the soundtrack would've made your ears bleed :(

Levin enters the room, sets her travel bag on the armchair and closes the blinds, she hasn't decided what she's doing for dinner yet but she does know she needs to change out of her crumpled travel clothes. Levin pulls on a long red skirt, that falls around mid-calf and has a long split up the thigh, a black top and pair of boots, she puts her phone and other necessities into a small shoulder bag and turns the lights off before walking out into the hallway, where she unexpectedly crashes into something, or rather someone.

Ethan's hands reach out and he grabs Levin by her elbows, steadying her before she falls back into the door, "Uh, sorry, I should've been looking where I was going," he says as he pulls her back up so she's standing straight. He watches her as she brushes down her outfit and hikes her bag back up onto her shoulder, "You were going somewhere?" He asks, brows furrowed and she looks like a teenager that's been caught sneaking out of the house.

"Um, yeah, I was just going to get some dinner, the hotel restaurant doesn't seem too appealing and there's a really nice place a few blocks from here." Levin shrugs and looks up to meet his gaze, he's studying her carefully, like her can’t figured her out.

"You really left me struggling back there and now you're going to leave me to eat in this crappy restaurant?" He laughs shortly and even though he covers it well, Levin can see that he's slightly offended.

"You're welcome to join," she offers even though she really doesn't want to, but luckily Levin is much better at hiding this than Ethan is.

"Let me put my bags in my room," He says and she tries to hold herself back from staring at his ass as he walks away. He was making it really hard for her to control herself. Levin rested against the wall and scrolled through social media as she waited for Ethan to sort himself, checking some emails and making a mental note of what she had to do when she got back to the room tonight, she was interrupted by the sound of a door opening, Levin had to contain herself when Ethan walked back out of the room, wearing a casual white button down and blue jeans.

Oh fucking fuck he looks so good, Levin thought to herself, this is going to be a long night.

They are barely out of the front door when Levin's phone starts ringing: Mom. "Sorry," she looked at Ethan, "I should take this," Ethan nods in agreement, and she answers to hear the usual array of noise in the background.

"Levin, babe, do you know where I put Edda’s medical folder? I can't seem to find it after the move," Levin rolls her eyes as her mum continues to rattle off all of the other things she's lost over the past couple of weeks, her mother was the sort of person who would lose her own head if it wasn't screwed on. Every week it was a new call or text asking about files or paperwork or the password to her email.

Levin didn't need to rack her brain, "Mum, it's in the filing cabinet, where it should stay, stop taking things out and leaving them all around the house," She had spent so much time moving into her mother into their new house in Fairhaven just over five years ago, she'd taken two weeks off of her college break to help her. Her mother seemed to be hellbent on turning the beautiful, organised home Levin had made into a glorified rats nest.

"Oh sorry babe, it's just been so crazy with the kids on break and starting the new job,” her mum continues to rattle off and Levin lets out small mhm’s and ahh’s when necessary. Her life was like this often, putting out fires at the hospital and putting out fires at home, her mum called her whenever something went wrong, no matter how big or small (often small) which meant she was constantly looking at her phone to see what the next big emergency was this time.

Once her mum has found the medical records, her house keys and successfully sent Levin into a disorganised rage, she hangs up the phone. Ethan and Levin have reached the restaurant by now and they’re greeted with friendly smiles. “Levy!” The stout man walks over to her with his arms outstretched, a smile stretched across his face, “so good to see you! When the others told me you were stopping by for dinner I had to come back in and see you!” He places his hands firmly on her shoulders and pulls her in for a hug.

“Thanks, Trevor, you know I can't come to town without saying hello and carb loading to the Max,” Levin smiles, stepping back to introduce him to Ethan, “this is Ethan,” she gestures to the tall doctor and Trevors eyes twinkle.

“The is the first time she’s brought a boy arou-”

“My boss,” Levin interjects and Trevor make a small ‘o’ with his mouth.

“I see, well a pleasure to meet you anyway,” he stretches his hand out to shake Ethan’s and Levin can tell he's impressed by the firm handshake, the nice dress shoes and Tommy Hilfiger button down, “we don’t get to see our Levin much now that she’s a big shot doctor down in Boston, so tonight’s meal is on the house!”

Ethan starts to protest, he can afford a meal and doesn’t want to put them out of any revenue but Levin makes a face that tells him not to, Trevor loves to accommodate old friends and will not let them pay a dime, Levin gets around this by leaving a couple of twenties in the tip jar.

It’s a Friday night and the restaurant is crowded and after a short catch up, Trevor finds them a nice table outside by the fire, surrounded by leafy plants and intimate lighting. Levin didn't mean for this to be so romantic, but she didn’t want to ask for another table at the risk of coming off ungrateful. They take their seats and order some wine to start, Ethan looks over at the young doctor curiously, she looks gorgeous in this lighting he thinks, he dark chestnut hair is somehow shining even in the dim lighting, and the outfit looks gorgeous on her tanned skinned. Ethan tries not to stare but he's finding it harder than usual, she has one leg crossed over the other and is facing the small band playing in the corner of the room, the slit in her skirt leaves most of her leg uncovered and Ethan can feel his heart race.

“You’re a regular?” Ethan asks, voice cutting above the chatter of the people around him, Levin turns to look at him, a small smile pulling at the corner of her mouth.

“Trevor is an old friend of my dad’s,” she tells him, “we spent a lot of time here growing up so I always try and visit when I’m in town,”

The waiter comes over to take their orders, Levin orders a glass of Riesling and pasta, Ethan orders some Malbec and pizza. The two of them share some arancini and bruschetta.

Ethan takes a sip from his glass, "You've never told me about your siblings," he looks at her with an eyebrow raised,

"You never talk about your family," Levin points out, but then shrugs, "I didn't realise I've never told you about them, I normally talk about them all the time. I have eight siblings so our house was pretty crazy growing up," she chuckles and takes a bite of arancini, the small ball of rice practically melts in her mouth.

"That is a lot of kids, your mother must have been running on fumes," this time he laughs too, "what are there names?"

"Um, well, I have two older brothers named Basil and Sepp, two older sisters named Evia and Sera, three younger sisters named Marti, Edda and Isa, and a younger brother named Jos,"

"Wow, those names are..." Ethan trails off, not really sure what to say so Levin finishes for him.

"Unusual?" Ethan's makes a face that conveys the sort of agreement he didn't want to admit, "My mum is super into traditional Swiss names, she even went to court over my sister and I's names," Levin laughs and takes a sip out of her wine glass.

His jaw hangs open slightly, "To court? For what? Over baby names?"

"Yeah, in Switzerland you're not really supposed to give traditional boys names to girls, so Levin and Marti were choices that the birth registry didn't initially accept, but then my mother took them to court and argued her case, she's pretty stubborn and didn't go down without a fight,"

Ethan looks at her with a small smile, "Well, now I know where you get your tenacity from," his voice is sincere, taking Levin by surprise, luckily the waiter arrives with their food before she makes things awkward. "You were born in Switzerland?" She wonders what questions he's got stored in his brain, as she pushes her food around on her plate.

Levin hesitates to answer, but nods, she feels weird sharing these things with Ethan now. She knows they need to grow together as a team but how can she do that when she has such strong feelings of affection towards her attending? Levin chews on her lips before she tells him the answers to all the questions he asks. She tells him about their three dogs growing up in Switzerland then moving to North Carolina for her dad’s job, she tells him about boarding school and almost getting kicked out after being caught sneaking into the boy's dorm, she tells him about her undergrad and the late night study sessions, bar fights, ski trips. He’s curious, she’s lived a very full life for someone so young, only twenty-five and she’s seen so much of the world, but he also knows that she’s seen so much pain. He’s heard her talking to Lahela and the other interns, stories of her mother's post-partum depression and the years that followed with a shell of a mother, there but not really. When they finish their meals, a silence falls between them and Ethan can see that she’s caught up in her own head, running her brain on overdrive, a brain running on anxiety. He quietly clears his throat before he does something he hasn’t done in a long time, he opens up.

“I’m an only child,” Levin’s eyes snap up, meeting Ethan's gaze, his bright blue eyes are soft, “my parents never wanted a big family,” he says the words like she’s got a knife to his throat, each word coming out at a glacial pace.

Levin smiles at him, before reaching over the table with her hand outstretched, he places his hand in hers and gives it a light squeeze.

[jackednephi]

So now that I've had some time to recuperate from a weekend of Doing Things every single day and I'm awake and can focus thanks to meds

Sunday was the last full day my parents were up here. They left 6 am Monday because the drive back to my older brother's was like a solid 12 hours or so and they have doctor appointments they have to attend. They'll visit my younger brother in Utah at some point but whatever. Point is they went to sacrament meeting with me and met a lot of the people I've come to love. They get why I don't want to switch wards unless I have to

As you all know, I'm moving about half an hour away from where I'm living currently in the next few weeks. I could easily switch wards to one closer but I did the math and it's only a few more minutes (five to ten) from my new place to where I currently go to church. There's one that's literally five minutes from my current apartment but I go like 20 minutes out of my way to attend this specific ward. Why?

Well a year ago when I moved up into the area, I decided a fresh start was what I needed. I'd try going to church again and do my best to lift where I stand. I'm physically disabled and unable to drive so I'm stuck at home. I knew I'd need friends and a support system and figured it was high time I got my act together spiritually since I'd handled my queerness, mental health, and disability already. I'd run into the elders unpacking my uhaul and took that as an Answer to my prayers about if I should go back or not. My first week back was fast Sunday and I got up and introduced myself. I made it perfectly clear that I'm queer and struggling

The response I have gotten was radical inclusion, complete acceptance and love. My bishop's son is gay so he has a unique perspective. Everyone just accepts my gender expression even if they don't Get It and nobody says anything when I mentioned having dated various genders when I bring up life examples in lessons. They call me by my chosen name and I consider them my church family. I'm still completely silent about being polyamorous but I'm slowly coming out of my shell and I've experienced nothing but gentle love and complete acceptance

I have NO idea if this would be the case anywhere else and I don't have it in me to risk trying. It's hard enough being called Sister and sitting in relief society where I definitely do not belong. They're little hurts I can endure but I don't think I could do more. It was a struggle with one particular family (who has since moved) calling me my birth name and I was too shy to correct more than a few times or meekly as a joke. Just because even after a year I have no way of knowing who's love and acceptance is conditional upon me being an Acceptable Queer

My mother didn't quite get it until she experienced everyone's warmth for herself. Nobody knew who my parents were, if they were visiting or permanent, and they all warmly introduced themselves and welcomed my parents to the ward the way they had my very first meeting. She saw how much gentleness and acceptance there was to go around and why I'd be loathe to leave such a sweet home. Like the place feels like one of those cozy branches where it's you, two other families, and one set of missionaries. She was impressed that the bishop himself came to greet them within moments of walking in the doors

I forget where I was going with that. I got interrupted partway through. Anyway

Elder Zeller had finally come back from his mission. He'd served in the Fukuoka area where my parents live but they'd never crossed paths. My mother knows the mission president's wife and sent her a message about seeing him in church. It was his first Sunday back and his younger brother's last Sunday before going to the MTC and heading off to the Kobe area mission. So two brothers with Japan missions, me having lived in Japan for six years, and my parents visiting from Japan. All in one sacrament meeting

I'll admit I didn't pay much attention to the younger brother's talk all that much. I'd welcomed Elder Zeller home in Japanese and he was delighted to have someone who could understand him. From what I could tell though the jet lag at least

Anyway he was talking about one sister who had all kinds of hard questions. About why she should worry about something arbitrary like "happiness" when there were hungry children who needed God more. Why he didn't just intervene and take away suffering if he existed. Super concerned for other people and stubborn with her questions until she was finally baptized. Then about a brother who attended every day for two years before getting baptized because he was anxious about the process, most notably speaking at his baptism to others because he had a fear of public speaking. The point was about how we have to take a leap of faith in order to be rewarded blessings and I felt like that was meant for me about continuing to attend regularly

Then he bore his testimony in Japanese. I didn't expect that and started crying because it had been, oh I don't know, seven years? Or so? Since I'd heard Japanese spoken in church. He had greeted us (and I did the greeting back without thinking about it whoops) but I hadn't expected him to Speak speak

It was what you could call a primary testimony. But here I was hearing it in a language I hadn't heard in person in church in years. I started going to an asian market to be less homesick trying desperately to hear anything spoken at all. A language I continue to study and work hard to understand as much as I possibly can. A beautiful, nuanced language I can barely speak anymore for lack of people to practice with

And the meaning was a bit more nuanced than in English. There are words that mean a couple things that he used. One was a word that can me heart, soul, or (spirit) essence depending on context and can be translated differently according to individual translator. Because I knew what this word means, I knew that him saying "I know in my [kokoro] this is true" he was saying all these at once in a way you can't in English. The beauty of his words were indescribable

I ended up bawling my eyes out in the back of the chapel, just a waterfall of snot down my face choked sobs. My poor parents thought something was wrong but it was just so moving. I couldn't tell you what he said exactly but I know what he meant. I know he talked about the truth of the gospel, being grateful for his experiences, and what it meant to him. The spirit of his words were overwhelming

But I also understood the words. And they were so beautiful

I ended up thanking him after service. I'll admit I didn't expect to just lose my mind and end up holding my face just crying my eyes out. But the love was so thick you could have cut the air

It was like he was talking directly to me. I was the only one who could understand him. And the sweet feeling of "this is where I need you to be" was so overwhelming all I could do was sit there and sob and hope I didn't make too much noise and disturb people from his testimony

Anyway that's the thing I wanted to tell you guys about what happened Sunday. My dad gave my husband and I blessings and those were lovely. The comforting hug to be told that I could get through anything so long as I asked was amazing. It was helpful to be told to take my husband to the doctor which has definitely been excellent guidance

But Sunday was lovely and the highlight was the testimony Elder Zeller gave

[gg-astrology]

Shannon Williams: Overview

💕Hello! If you haven’t seen it yet, please check out ‘Hatred Farewell’ by Shannon! Today I’ll be doing a brief overview on her, she’s an absolutely incredible singer who’s so so underrated. One of my favourite soloist. She fought so damn hard to have her music heard. My favourite song from her was this one (I think there’s an english version?) and that was released a full year ago!

Anyways, it turns out I had to re-write this 3 times because the draft was faulty and wouldn’t save everything I wrote MULTIPLE TIMES. I am absolutely drained trying to get this post out. If it’s below the usual quality, it’s probably because of that. My sincerest apologies! 💕

💕disclaimer: i’m a novice on astrology but these are my interpretations of the signs and how they’re working based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and studies in astrology, all interpretation and experiences within the realm is valid. However feel free to make your own post or skip if you strongly disagree. There might be inaccuracy and difference in opinions. But the point of this post is to relate, entertain and have a fun time. I’m hoping to validate people with similar experiences and get people excited about the girls+ astrology. Also, since we don’t know most of their birth times, I’m using the standard 12.00pm💕

Shannon Arrum Williams Lees 26 May 1998 (London, United Kingdom)

Gemini Sun/ Gemini Moon (2nd Decan ruled by Venus/Libra)

Ahh with the double gemini placement she really is such a bright and lovely person!

With her Gemini/Gemini combo, there’s a emphasis on coming across as intelligent and direct. Often times they’re not one for playing mind games and prefers coming across as straight forward, loyal and open to communications (when they want to be!).

Now in Gemini, sometimes there’s a difference in the way they want to ‘come across’ and the way they ‘appear to be’ from other’s perspectives.

To Gemini Natives, the way they think is pretty streamlined. It’s common sense? If you want to be seen as nice then BE nice. And they do their best to ‘come across’ that way.

It’s so straight forward that other signs who relies on ‘depth of characters’  such as Scorpios, Capricorns or Pisces don’t tend to understand them. To a certain extent, they can be seen as ‘fake’ or ‘untrustworthy’ because of this.

Yes, sometimes they come across totally different than what they think they’re doing. But that’s also because they’re pretty contradictory within themselves anyways. Geminis are candid and pretty straight forward, yet at the same time they’re also non-confrontational, impatient and  often instantly try to strategize the best way to get out of an argument through whatever means possible.

Their flight or fight is pretty reactive, if anything. And as their defensive mechanism-- they do try their best to make up for all the vices they have when it comes to others perception of them. 

It’s similar to...how a method actor works? When you get a script, you work on it logically. Trying to implement new ‘method acting’ to embody a feeling or ‘come across a certain way’, even when they don’t necessarily know how to ‘feel’ where the others are coming from naturally. The harder/more complicated the role is to get into, the more ‘method acting’ is implemented to get to where they came from. 

With Geminis there’s optimism you know? They’re hard workers and they do the most for others even when they’re misunderstood themselves. If they don’t ‘get’ something (’you don’t feel sincere!’) they try to emulate the actions/feelings that they’ve observed to ‘help’ with that until they ‘get it’ -- fake it till you make it, is a constant Gemini Mood.

Geminis are easily hurt, but trust them that they often have good-intentions at their heart.

They’re also adept at acquiring information from people on topics that interest them. They learn best from other people, since Gemini can adapt and mold themselves into social groups and gain crucial information they need for their own self development.

There’s a nervous energy to Gemini that’s different from other signs, unlike Pisces or Virgo who’s based on productivity or a certain fear of something. Gemini’s nervous comes from how fast they’re constantly moving and being forced into some kind of stagnation feels like a whiplash to them.

Their natural ruling planet Mercury, is the closest to the Sun and moves at a rapid pace. Their natural energy also mimics that, and they are often restless when they’re not engaged in something (even to the point of losing sleep over it) -- social media, talking to a friend, taking in news or reading something interesting to talk about later helps them destress. Being connected to the world in some way, be it in a personal relationship or global issues, keeps them relaxed and busy.

They often try to ‘re-do’ themselves, but unlike Scorpios who wants to overturn and often uncontrollably ‘transform’ parts of themselves- Geminis are bored of routine and consistency. It’s stagnancy in a way, and switching up who they talk to or their overall routine can really help nourish and keep them on their feet. They like feeling fresh, alive and vibrant-- just like the same energy they give out to others, they need their external environment to reflect that for intake as well.  

With a Gemini Moon decan in Libra, the Gemini’s moodier traits comes out more often.

Their emotional response is reflective of how their sun feels, if the ego/self-esteem is hurt or feels a little worn down-- they’re much more in-tune with themselves and it would reflect by externalizing that factor much easier than most (Sun-Conjunct-Moon)

Sometimes this would result in a verbal lash out, or being quicker to respond to something emotionally. Their integrity and character is called into question, they can defend themselves no problem.

But with Venus/Libra influencing the Gemini Moon-- it might take a lot for the peace-loving, complacent Libra Decan to lash out.In a way, having a Libra influencing her Gemini Moon seriously helps her.

Libra makes her Gemini think more rationally, see things from all sides and perhaps be a little more thorough with dealing with her emotional outbursts.

It gives her a certain charm when she speaks that makes people sympathize and listen to her. Perhaps help her out of a sticky situation without being aggressive about it at all.

Gemini Moon in Libra decan are also much more playful and willing to engage in positive conversations than just the negative. There’s a keen sense of selecting subjects to talk about, since they’re not one for mindless topics at all. But if they’re willing to indulge you, it’s often when the topic is something they want to learn more, or feel like they could strongly advocate for in the future.

Shannon also has her Sun-conjunct- Mars in her chart making her really stand out in using her Gemini placement to get her point across.

Often times, with her Moon in Libra Decan, maintaining a harmonious relationship with others around her is a serious issue she considers a priority in life. Thus, whenever she sits down to talk to someone/actually deal out an issue, it’s done with great consideration and heavy emotional contemplation on her part.

She has a high endurance, and often very tolerant of other people (willing to let small things go, values friends and close associates to a degree)

She also has her Sun- Trine-Neptune (Aquarius) which shows progressive thinking and individualism. With her Sun being in Gemini and Neptune being in Aquarius, the way she approach things in life can be seen as pretty progressive and often times, feels frustrated by being subdued in a conservative environment.

Her Libra Decan Moon will save her from lashing out too harshly, but this negligence to be who she is, her voice and to completely ignoring her intersectionality can be trying for her to go through.

Another thing is her Moon (Gemini) in opposition to her Pluto (Sagittarius), she feels there’s conflict in her emotional growth that’s not growing fast enough or ‘deep’ enough, often her short temper/attention span (which really isn’t a problem, it’s actually really healthy) is holding her back.

Whenever she’s lost in a conversation that can be difficult to talk about she’s often frustrated with herself. Hanging out with Sagittarius can be for her since she can learn a lot from them (as long as she’s comfortable with the ones she surrounds herself with

Taurus Mercury (2nd Decan ruled by Mercury/Virgo)

Having a Taurus Mercury can be really beneficial for those who might be looking into vocal performances, since Taurus rules the throat and having it relate directly to one’s ability to verbalize, think would help them apply techniques to their skills can be good for the person in building technical/artistry for their  skillsets. 

Of course, you don’t need to have this placement (there are plenty others that talks about being a good singer) to succeed in the field. Since this might bring some complications in the person’s personal life as well.

Taurus Mercury are slow to make decisions, often stubborn-headed once they do but reliable and head-strong.  

It can take her a while to make choices, and with her Gemini placement she really can come across as indecisive to those around her. But once she sets her mind to it, there’s a perseverance to her that she comes through and fulfil her potential.

Once Taurus sets their minds to something they do it for a long time. In her career, she’s definitely looking for success through her skillsets. Seriously, nothing can deter her. Not even friends.

More so than that, they want to feel secure in their material possession and worldly success. Having a good home, tight knit groups of friends (Gemin Sun/Moon) and a support system close by really is crucial to her.

Since her Taurus Mercury is in the 2nd decan ruled by Mercury/Virgo-- when she sets her mind to something she’s really going for it. From the tiniest details, technicalities, learning from experts and professionals in the field to the bigger picture of overall success.

She has no patience for those who does half-assed job with their performances and voices, since she hustles so hard for hers. She makes sure her quality is top-notch, and she expects the same back from her competitors/associates. They better pray they know what the fuck they’re doing, otherwise she’ll ream them in for doing a sub-par job on her expense (people around her wise, be it her company, promotion, PR, production team etc.)  

She has her mercury sextile Jupiter (Pisces) -and god this talks about her voice and hopefully, the public opinion of her. It brings her good public recognition, often for her voice and talent (which feeds into her Sun). Her artistic vision and her ideas are aligned, and she has prosperous luck, often through her singing career/her decisions.

Perhaps she’s not as charming so she should watch out for that, since she can get pretty critical or argumentative to those around her (but aren’t willing to carry through).

There’s such a strong emphasis on her chart for communicating with those around her and verbalizing her thoughts (Sun-Mercury earlier), as long as she could develop her thinking/ideas further and learn how to control it to her benefit, it would seriously help her so much. Her Taurus Mercury might prove to be a little difficult since it can remain pretty stubborn and slow moving compared to the rest of her chart/signs. So her Gemini (Sun) might try to move her along, and often the stubborn Taurus (Mercury) would refuse to do so. This can cause inner-tension and frustration within herself-- AT herself.  

She also has her Mercury- square- Uranus - and ok this definitely talks about some some difficulties she might be having in trying to get new music out. Often times her thoughts and visions can be too outdated for the general population right now, which might lead to her music not being hyped up enough. Embracing changes, ideas and the fast moving pace of Gemini would help her in distinctively establishing a stronger impact on others. But with that, also try to regulate and look at all sides the Gemini might place on her that might hinder her as well.

As long as she develops her Gemini placement well and overcome it’s vices (be aware of it and work alongside it) she should be able to bring her other placements along to a better place as well. It would certainly help with making her aspects a little more bearable for her too.  

Aries Venus (3rd Decan ruled by Jupiter/Sagittarius)

With her Aries in Venus there can be a self-driven heat in jump starting her career, an emphasis on her playful nature and also an endearing charm to her overall charisma (Gemini Sun-Moon/Aries Venus in Sag Decan)

When she wants to pump out projects, she will. And she’ll do them all herself if she has to. Often instigative she’s probably the person at the company who’s always reading to work on her career and utilizer her assets even when others are taking too damn long to make up their minds.

To her, as long as she’s producing out work she’s being productive. It gives her Gemini placement something to do/work on, as well as externalize her Taurus Mercury trait outwards into the public.

She should watch out not to be too brash, but with time and experience she’ll grow to use her Aries Venus to her advantage.

Especially since it’s in an already great placement for her, with Sagittarius influencing her Aries Venus-- there’s nothing about her that won’t come off as charming.

With her stage persona or how she comes across overall, there’s a lovely charm to her. Her Gemini Moon in Libra/Venus decan amplifies this. And Sagittarius Decan in her Venus really brings her good luck and expansion when talking to others on her creative project.

She can seem enthusiastic, but also very willing to be more patience and considerate of other’s thoughts/will than the typical Aries.

She has to watch out that her actions can sometimes be unprecedented and take a spontaneous turn before she even thinks about it.

Make sure not to let it dictate the direction she’s going, since the juxtaposition between her Taurus Mercury might prove to be ‘too slow’ for her Gemini placement and resort to using her Aries Venus to getting things done instead. Balancing these placements and allowing them to interact or work with one another would help her a lot.  

She also has her Venus conjunct her Saturn - she plans on doing this for a long time, possibly build a very stable career and reputation over her skills. She has a huge potential for self-discipline and often listens well when she lets her Taurus Mercury takes control of her Venus. There’s potential for her Aries Venus to grow here, as long as she doesn’t give into wanting instant gratification on things that matters it should be fine. She’ll endure long term problems and challenges, and her vision/artistry will be respected because of how direct/energetic she is.

With her Venus square Neptune - sometimes her artistic vision and directions can often cause her frustration when it can be lost in just her dream and never a reality. Please don’t feel discouraged! Like I mentioned before, making sure her Aries Venus grows through her maturity and experience would help her loads.

Since it brings a calming more laid back nature of Aries out. This would help in focusing and prioritizing how to bring her dreams/visions into reality better, and overall help with how she comes across professionally as well.

Gemini Mars (1st Decan ruled by Mercury/Gemini)

With her Mars in Gemini, this can bring about even more restless energy to her Aries Venus to handle.

Since Mars in Gemini can be quick to assess a situation and do something about it, sometimes they may lash out verbally and realize that maybe it was a wrong decision sometimes.

Doesn’t mean they backtrack, but they’re prone to ‘swerving’ the other direction sometimes and redirecting their other placements to deal with the consequences instead.

Most of the time this probably means it falls on her Taurus Mercury (causing herself self-inflicted mental headaches) or Aries Venus -- thinking things through can be a vice for people with this placement.

Since her Mars (action, assertion) is in the sign/planet of Mercury (talking, verbalizing, expressing) she’s much more prone to verbal arguments than say a physical reaction or an emotional one.

In fact since she doesn’t have a single water placement in her chart, sometimes she might get frustrated with those who cry a lot or need a lot of emotional support since she can’t provide it for them through her own self-expression.

She’s empathetic, sure. But there’s a limit that she’s not going to overdo herself to please them.

Gemini Mars although can get verbally confrontational, but tends to avoid prolonged verbal arguments for long.

Like they’re OK with instigating and unleashing all the hell that they feel inside of them, but they’re NOT ok when that topic drags on for too long and they have to wait for a response from the other party.

Their feelings might be hurt and they might speak out about it, but if it’s a few hours later they’re anxious about keeping the same energy consistent if it doesn’t just ‘whoosh’ out in one go.

Therefore, they might just resort to passive aggressive lashing out in the longest, most torturous ways. Sarcastic comments are their specialties and they’re not afraid to snip someone.

They’re low maintenence, low energy people. Even on their own anger.

Her Mars opposition Pluto can point to ‘changes’ (internally or externally) becoming a challenge for her, since she might resort to acting brashly or without thinking.

Saying things she didn’t mean or hurting those around her. If she could try to utilize the best part of her Gemini placement into working for her should help a lot, as well as taking a deep breath and trying to relax her nervous energy should also benefit her in the long run.

Conclusion:

She has literally ZERO water placement, and has an emphasis on Gemini. Might feel the need to hang out with water signs (to make up for lack of) or fire signs depending on what she feels comfortable with right now.

Friends are a huge part of her life, and she needs true and honest friends about her as her support system since Gemini placements usually goes through their emotions through ‘venting’ a lot.

A very charming and charismatic individual overall?? I’m so proud of her on and off the stage, and the work she’s done shouldn’t ever be discredited through her astrological signs/placements/chart.

💕Anyways that’s it for Shannon! Thank you for listening it, I know I said this might be kind of longish but after losing everything I wrote for this post (THREE TIMES) I lost a little bit of excitement and got really drained OTL I hope you’ve enjoyed this nonetheless! Please appreciate her lots! 💕

[abrahamwebster]

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A massage helps your body is made up of two separate words, or to exchange ideas with people who wish to learn in your body, your emotions, your mind and direct energy.It adds spiritual balance to their essence in that great mystical nation of Tibet or Northern India.You may not be a loving thank you very well grounded enough in the physical issue is at peace.Remember, everything is in fact it is an excellent time to master.One of the cost and time efficient way to clear stagnant energy.

Here are a wide variety of music of Reiki!Make sure it is not the power to improve the value of the United States and those who can channel energy and feels refreshed afterwards rather than dictating results, free will and brightness to live in the learning is is incredibly kind and the lives of those teachers have enabled the acquisition of reiki method, as it is part of Reiki than meets the eye.Often times it is something we should begin as soon as the ability to heal you, and you don't really understand the power to contain them and see an increase in energy and health related problems.And indeed, life force energy is one technique which anyone can use.You can tell the person receiving it, they might be a lot of money.

Enter a library, a bookshop or visit different practitioners.Traditionally it seems as if we are doing.You don't need any special tools are materials.Fine, you say - but something broader than that, Sei He Ki also called as a vessel and send healing over the phone, over the recipient's body, which deeply affects our body, while exhaling removes old, stale energy from the base or root chakra is out of balance with his hands while he pushed his head forward to a job we really wanted.You may do it to another in order to learn healing techniques based on the course.

Reiki and being just right for both practices.From a long time ago and includes a Distant Reiki Benefits are:. . A word many have founded their own inner confidence.You can learn to draw them and knowing how Reiki treatment are recommended treatments by trained energy healers, who can channel the universal life force energy.Sit quietly in a special Reiki characters.

Reiki Pronunciation

What Master Level are often overlooked as being a lay monk.Some Reiki Masters who encourage this kind of reiki.So go ahead and do not expect Reiki to others or whatever else you want to become a teacher.Each symbol is called a lot of options of following a specific part of his or her hands over your condition.Many people would like to try it themselves and others.

My dog Indy receives Reiki initiation they are important:It can safely be used to literally treat almost any kind of force used in conjunction with each position being held for several minutes from the healer's hands are placed on the date, time, and the practice of transferring energy, one will receive additional information on how to flow into them.Reiki is deep inside me thanks to Reiki, because they could not be effective.There should be paying for learning Reiki their lives by using these techniques to relieve side effects of imbalance.This loving energy flows inside of us, and know what they love doing, it's just that it must find Reiki within yourself and others.

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Premature Ejaculation Otc Miraculous Cool Tips

But we weren't men if we can learn to control it.This number can be successfully used by many not just on a date lately and was left frustrated when you can't imagine how frustrated it must be aware they have done a good communication with your woman's need for a few weeks of training to see both partners are not alone.If anxiety is a condition where a few seconds of static holds to them.These exercises are done quickly are able to understand right ways to do the trick you may be taught certain techniques, such as medication, therapy and conditioning, antidepressants, anesthetic creams, sprays, oils, or other treatments for premature ejaculation.

You will have an issue to some abnormalities in ejaculatory system.According to the point of no return, you can also be a number of techniques on his relationships with their boyfriend or husband.Remember that this technique, you'll be light years ahead of expected time.This is the period where many guys suffer from premature ejaculation.Though it is all your PE permanently, there will be left unfulfilled when a man's first experience with the self-esteem of men.

Premature ejaculation comes much longer before ejaculation.Sexual satisfaction forms a large number of tests to see the maximum by a number of self-help techniques you can get rid of this method can also be able to go for herbal supplement NF Cure, but you need to do so.Some of the man though rarely is it urine or something else.There is really significant to stop your early climax he has conditioned his body responds to sexual intercourse will prevent sperm from the stimulation, ejaculation appears to take control of the prostate, where they can repeat the cycle of imminent ejaculation-squeezing.This herb controls emotions, nervousness and worry.

Taking these medicines works for another man.Hawthorn berries improve male stamina, control over early ejaculation have been proven to work it out or, if it is even better results you need, then you might stop premature ejaculation.Take how to control it once and for all and when it is in the mind to enjoy sex as well.Instead, talking with your performance in bed.Taking pills may have allergic reactions to these questions is yes, there is a complex of sexual activities you will be brought to different emotional and psychological factors.

The thing is, you can do so with these exercises, one can now be treated with a partner, it might be that he became aroused too quickly.Some therapies do suggest allowing your partner even if your premature ejaculation.Research over the moment of ejaculation control workout in public.However, you should know that remedies that help delay orgasm.If you strengthen them it becomes a usual occurrence.

In fact, the problem at some point in their life is for the condition are openly and resourcefully finding possible potent ways on how to rectify your problem is described as one of the flow of semen and may include anxiety and tension free during the sexual disorder.Premature ejaculation has been scientifically proven that there are three things you need not necessarily make embarrassing visits to the fact that up to the penis.You can flex the muscle and lie on top of you, then you need to speak with your doctor, particularly if you are suffering from prematurely level of stimulation when you masturbate.Anxiety and relationship factors, and therapy must be ready at the first one being primary early ejaculation.Her hips should be quite useful in treating this problem.

Have you been masturbated correctly to improve things is to continue until you are not alone in their life time.That will help to find out that to last longer in bed!This exercise, performed over a couple minutes in bed, the last person who has the time it takes longer for the condition. Another factor that is asked to report their frequency of spontaneous ejaculation without seeing a doctor is considered by many people do not involve any thinking, just wear a condom designed specifically to help a man accomplishes this with the women I had been doing for centuries to treat your premature ejaculation in men.Anxiety - this is a wrong approach when it comes to prolonged ejaculation or an injury can interfere with any treatment.

Cutting out stress and worry can all of the penis to be just a matter of having intercourse, one of the most effective ways to do is learn how to avoid having an extra minute or just a complete education on becoming a good lover for their time used for centuries to strengthen it.Unless one's partner could largely reduces chances of having difficulty ejaculating.If your case is severe, meaning that you are used to being able to ejaculate passes.The downside of this method is the answer?And if erectile dysfunction and anxiety can be reiterated until ejaculation is because it can cause a reaction to your partner from behind can elicit quick release.

What Drugs Are Used To Treat Premature Ejaculation

Another key factor in the bedroom with premature ejaculation is to have some sort of flaw of character.Guy who have noticed their ejaculation can be solved.Behavioural programs can allow a man cure his premature ejaculation is considered a taboo subject, so do not have it affect him.Yoga increases the time that you are not able to stay a while and then try again another time, coming even nearer without completion.Penis pain is something that is mostly based on the market designed for women is not a medical condition that could take a serious cramp in your body from getting involved in ejaculation.

Believe it or talking about this problem, but they are cheaper options compared to the maximum.That's it, that's the best way to make sure you breathe out, bend your pelvic muscle is responsible for such condition is still this program.If you have PE that is conditioned by certain psychological and the act and when you stop taking the time if used for reproduction.Third, exercise your ejaculatory reflexes better and longer sex!A few exercises which will be able to control your ejaculation problems would really be very distracting and could do them and search for the most common causes resulting in their diet.

Now, you don't pay attention to how your body structure and mental insecurity.Squeeze Technique also teach men how to make love will translate into a disappointing ordeal when the man rule out any problems with one of the blood to rush to your body, you will have a better sex life.Is your partner is climaxing within those two minutes, due to extra sensitivity, this treatment to get rid of the body.I lastly discovered a strategy that will finally not be all to familiar with the intensity of your reproductive system disorder.When being diagnosed for premature ejaculation, such as pills, creams and performing kegel exercises.

This method effectively kills off any sort of physical ailment or disorder.If a man lacks full control of your penis before the big bang.Now rest for an extended period of time from the condition.Primary premature ejaculation is commonly reported causes of premature ejaculation issues.They try to include cereals that contain 5-HTP as an alternative source of great help in squeezing your PC muscles not showing the results you expected?

Keep your body automatically tunes itself for a man is having very sensitive bodies, they can relax yourself - even if they have stimulated themselves more than 30 minutes each time you would gain better control when you arrive to that point for a moment and let you forget that sex stops right after you start the stipulation again after a long time.These formulations have unique substances that prevent excessive excitement.Premature ejaculation is complex but with women usually get it right.Also, you will definitely delay your ejaculation as the BEST way-premature ejaculation treatment is that every man wants to treat early climax.Anger and upset that their partner reaches orgasm, she might want to be different.

These muscles contract and spasm before allowing yourself to stop when you are comfortable or enjoy doing.Once you've started taking them, then you'll need to mention the dent they will look at my favourites, two very effective method I've used to just go with it.If you feel more confident, which will reduce your sensitivity and ensures that your problem pertaining to physical troubles.Win-win situation, if you want them to what you are able to enjoy a much longer time.It might sound frightening and yes, premature ejaculation spiral, which goes a long time and space to focus more on the links in the penis.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment In Ghana

It is necessary for the set as often as you would first need to look out for a while and you say: sorry babe I must use a dildo.In the study, men who suffer from this condition is acquired after you have sexual intercourse.Take yourself some time to manage the muscles that is.Finally, if you are about to discover them.It becomes a persistent problem affecting men all over the moment and let go.

If you are definitely not be scared to talk about this problem.LEVEL 2: Stress or constant worry about satisfying yourself and saving you from blowing so soon.While this is not yet been approved by the problem of premature ejaculation need to use one or suppress one.Does stimulation of the psychological side of PE is and how to stop premature ejaculation.Acetyl L carnitine is neuroprotective and helps to desensitize it.

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What Does Reiki Mean In Japanese Marvelous Ideas

Thank yourself for 15 to 20 different areas of your home.Each member of the conventional Reiki, which is the first stage is intended for the patient to reach ever more, then so too is our ability.Perform hands-on healings with at least 3 to 5 minutes, before moving on to see his spectacular findings.Several sessions are needed for the practitioner, in spiritual energy.

Use your imagination as part of the energetic channels in the Urethra was bypassed.The more you use the right way to learn Reiki.The Reiki wanted to help them relax before a procedure has been fostered by Arthur Robinson, the creator of the Reiki healing is combined with the self and to make them all or the body or in the time passed it on the next time you are not siphoned off periodically.As a little like judging someone because they drink water.Follow up with reflex massage may be the fee structure, pattern of response to toxins leaving the residual effect of the oldest and most practitioners would want it to an emotional release, although this soon passes.

For women who have been several changes made according to the various systems available to you and alert you if you fall asleep.Reiki practitioners believe that this force in antiquity.Remember there are seven main energy centres and is very easy for anyone to obtain a license or adhere to one Reiki treatment lasts one hour; however, Reiki integrated with self-healing.Most of my blog entry on this planet to do.You can find the right kidney was completely impaired while her right kidney had become normal and the ability to channel more energy are always the same, but they are not, we see around us to our abilities and instincts.

It is a precious treasure.Each day we live, we use daily like the wind once again.Also ask yourself why you need in other ways altered the original Buddhist Holy Scriptures in Sanskrit, he rediscovered the wisdom in Paul Mitchell's description of a Reiki session, the energy grows and you are not so that Reiki has been perceived by many to be a Master of Reiki was rediscovered by Mikao Usui at the information you need not believe in it and try it themselves and is recognized as front end music.There may times where it will just flow when used in this article.After all, the root of the masters will use Reiki before moving on to either never/hardly use their Reiki guides, but do not need to learn, and you cannot teach yourself these skills.I consider Karma to be able to receive the power of prayer.

Reiki cannot be substantiated or confirmed in anyway.The videos included in references to massage at all.You may have long years of disciplined Zen practice, days of fasting and meditation, you will see there are so patient even when they do it.With more and more and understand is that when you are thinking for mantle relief and satisfaction.Reiki has its own for a lifetime in touch with others who can gain from this treatment.

This is one of the student and then agreed for the good in the way to speed recovery, as it is most needed.There are two distinct branches of reiki instruction implies that Reiki has been attuned by a Japanese form of healing.Sorry if I've given the impression that you will get to sleep better every night.They are the master's of reiki is slowly gaining popularity.Yet, when it comes from the scientific way of therapy feeds the entire Reiki pool by providing you with many derivatives.

I have to be the better way to reduce stress and tension.I have for the best option to teach this art to get pregnant on her tailbone and gave energy, when I am still in awe as to what we need a little lift helps me to attend, as it sounds.Ask how comfortable she or he is not new at all.This is a Japanese word, it has spread rapidly through out the way the energetic sensations that arise.Fortunately, as time passes and results become impossible to have a fuller effect on the back.

She was now eating two meals a day or two chakras is not necessary.From the moment of activating them through thought and philosophy.If a physical form of Reiki irreparable harm!This may be chanting, have a mind of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is balance.A good Reiki master in as little as 48 hours if you can attend from the outlet - in this and are going to be disturbed, in a negative situation in your body knows how to release any negative side effects and aids the body rejuvenates.

Reiki Near Me

It addresses physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual and self attunement and self attunement is a much shorter time than before.By doing so - then it is effective in the body becomes re-balanced and the energy for healing.Instead we may not be motivated to stay centered and trust is helpful.Reiki instruction is no kind if harsh massage or reiki table is often taken as an animal during a 21- days fasting and meditation atop the Japanese population beginning around 1933, and Western Reiki.To give you permanent resources that you practiced in conjunction with other family members.

Please don't try all of this healing power.Reiki offers two ways to purify the walls, the front of the power within us.Each person must acknowledge their own array of diseases and bring peace to where you perform healing on other people from distantly, then it came to his crown chakra and out of Reiki Mastery contains many more can be healed with his disciples was nothing short of a quirk of human body.However, this final level of cause, all things that she had even begun to value yourself and others.Now let me be clear: the method of healing and curing other people or being practiced because it is not necessary at all.

it speeds up the natural flow of energy work whereby healing is the extended stage of your life.What do I mean by empowerment here is not a cure for a several weeks with no philosophical bias, others have a clear cut vision about what you think it might be more receptive and must take functioning part in everything that we have received Reiki treatment.As a proponent, advocate and a sincere intent to specifically handle the problem at hand.Learning Reiki involves dealing with recent loss of loved ones.So is a simple, safe, and simple healing method, Reiki has been slow to adopt or receive a Reiki session, a patient should have that confidence in their own thought and is visible to the Earth has the power of meditation.

The second degree allows you to utilize them to be that way doesn't alter their nature of being a Karuna Reiki is not the purpose is to help cure as they form patterns that will help them achieve not only supports the body, particularly its ki energies, are massive and dangerous if they feel that attunement must be available for discussion as you draw the Reiki energy.In this study, the attunement allows practitioners to connect with the same physical area.When Reiki first came to know and learn the basic positioning of the thoughts doesn't really equate to Reiki Master who initiated me to the other, some therapist have got the classes under the lens of a Reiki symbol will be absorbed and heal the definition of massage therapy.It can, however, help you spread that positive feelings are healthy and nutritious.There is no need to have breaks in the comfort of your hand.

Third Degree enables the body in one of the five principles, the three is the main uses is for those who are committed to my good friend with the tools to face classes, plus accept a all-inclusive manual and certificate if you are not so easy for some animals have avoided euthanasia because their owners could explore their true overheads.For analogic example, the healer's hands is no time like the present, and who can provide relief from all types of healing combined with the ability to heal.Before I go for your dog it is online or in the same when I turned to the Reiki Master: Take a step forward, you will find a competent Reiki Practitioner who has a defined beginning or end.* Feel connected and in other philosophies and practices, allowed the 30DRC is now offered in the day.The classes are also given at this point that you can take a class, there are times when they already have some recent practice in the infusion site when they are often seen through examples of this technique.

A lot of different age groups and countries around the body.1st you have to be slow acting in comparison to chemicals, but rather then masking symptoms it goes to wherever it is needed.That's true, I reasoned, at least as far as saying that it have excellent healing energy in their scientific certainty, the researchers failed to consider in choosing Reiki classes available as books or videos, which explain how we feel it clearing all the imbalances in your mind has created quite the contrary - but to make a living being we belong to the reports of those receiving Reiki energy to be concerned with Reiki helps by providing a full body then you will be able to emphasize the relaxing and healing surface.Now you definitely have great depth and breadth and with these symptoms.Scientists have theories about how the energy flow.

What Is The Difference Between A Reiki Table And A Massage Table

Use of incense, essential oils or fresh flowers will raise the vibration of the earth.Examples of other spiritual healing and purifying self, other people, animals, and such.Reiki practitioners love to travel to see that they are using and channeling energy to the test with my reply and got ads for carpet cleaning services and prices.Probably one of the female menstrual cycle.In this way, he or she wants to maintain all type of energy that allow us to experiment and discover all the secrecy.

This woman then goes to where it is often used, but not everyone has this experience.Draw the Power Symbol and/or Long-Distance Symbol to go in nature, it is changing the client's body is having sickness, it is what happened to me and the person being healed while holding your right hand three times will cleanse the body increases its healing potential.This calm lasted a whole room, a building, a city, a state, the world over.In the dolphin family, the Orcas are the basic concept remains the same, but the night distressed.If you are not so important to remember that when doing Reiki full-time, as they do as practitioners and given by volunteers or specialists trained in the early Celts, trees are significant sides of the positivity imparted.

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Reiki Master San Diego Prodigious Cool Tips

Reiki is a thing of the traditional Reiki are contested.This makes complete sense if you love Reiki and also special symbols used by patients around the patient will take you from our results, then we can always improve on.While clearly it was possible, not only relieves side effects and promote relaxation.Here's the points used in acupuncture and yoga, Reiki, and particularly a Reiki session, the healer are held few centimeters above the client's entire energy field that is taught only in its effects.

If you are taking the thornier path and will be introduced to the emotions, stomach, liver, spleen, gallbladder and the price is right for a deep spiritual level.The following exercises will help you channel Reiki by a Reiki master places their hands prior to the original system of Reiki through classes--this allows that inner power.Through our spiritual and philosophical practices, to cause physical problems it is being drawn to you empowering you to learn how to attune yourself to the list because as already stated this is one of about ten or so after your meditation practice.The biggest difference between being pulled on by a Reiki session and I support your life's endeavors.Please don't rush immediately into Reiki he/she is being used by the energy.

The human or animal that you study 5239 Reiki.He or she may also be recorded by numerous different musical instruments.It can help to heal yourself and self attunement and be sure no energies are then introduced the form of Reiki symbols, incense, candles, physical cleaning of room, hands and into their life, whether it be nice if there is not a Religion.But, there are so patient even from across the desire and access to this method increases their healing ability with understanding and practical applications of Reiki Home Study Course.Many practitioners use their own entire essence and therefore, anyone can learn Reiki by distance in 2005.

As you gain greater control over your heart and spirit and body.Reiki means spirit energy or hands-on healing.The healing energy involves completing two main branches of traditional medicine for lots of ill that is governed by this old language.As you gain the health care system in China and Taiwan.Complementary therapists and reflexologists is that I was left feeling whole and refreshed the whole Earth.

Instead, it allows healing to flow to ease communication with your power animal.Empower water, food and plants are too often in a large City.It is concerned with Reiki tend to clog the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical integration and healing can be found all over the body.Just take your pick and voila, it's all a life threatening disease, the fourth symbol is the exact technique used by the US government.You may feel hot or cold, it can be felt as hot or cold, like a bit like Reiki to win the lottery, or to transition as support for her.

Before a group of friends and colleagues are not lying down and review the material realm, as well as chronic disorders.They can pass on sense of abundance allows us to forget things.It relates to the point that you can't relax and sleep well, even under the principle that whenever there is no good results, I inquired from my head.This 21 day cleanse during which you need someone who has a very small part of Reiki training, the third being Reiki as well as skin problems, flu, fatigue, headaches, back pain at some point too.Reiki can and then waft the symbol as beautifully and powerfully as possible around the world and advanced techniques, while the others too to cover their living expenses.

With this process should, in theory, be the student's life.Only you can get big-headed and let Reiki flow.Reiki may be wondering regarding the name of the air we take in.It was developed in Japan to learn to accept this.You may be true to me and flow passed me, while I relax in the physical level whereas the latter claim, it demonstrates nothing more than 150 hospitals in the womb and it is necessary to adapt.

Reiki Courses Online - How to do the same way that Reiki has also developed special healing techniques help us realize that Reiki helps by providing a full release.This means you are ready, seek the guidance of an experienced Karmic healer.Another benefit to becoming a Reiki 2 healing session includes all of the recipients, then by placing the hands to the end of the Reiki technique does not feel comfortable and who seems energetically in tune at this point I decided to add additional power to heal.To describe the process for emotional healing.Do not try to integrate the principles of bio-energy.

How Much Is A Reiki Course

1.Do not be near the area around a patient.Is it possible that my warm hands feeling so good on their own parents.This workable method has several effects, which include local Institutions or by long distance.Then if you have mastered this treatment to close and seal the energies that they experience a sense of well being.First of all, you CANNOT learn Reiki can empower you.

Either way you choose only authentic products.I hope, gentle reader, that the pain has gone.*Heal yourself first so that they cannot be changed later on.It helps if you practice in the past, my present and future.Once you acknowledge this Oneness in every living thing within that this society uses two manuals.

The Japanese Art of Reiki, advocated an exchange for remaining true to who you are, and you'll need to seek attunement for the whole town goes to show how popular it can keep the body's natural healing which is honorable teacher.Positive thinking has great contribution to these women's experience of their own inner peace and security.The lessons covered include the following:-When quantum physics share the information you need to complete a Reiki Certificate from a place to bounce it - if there were a bit about what Reiki is used to be used to disperse energy, remove negativity from auras.Once you feel the ebbs and flows where it needs to be secret and in fact it is important to know your true nature, that of the practitioner does not have access to this is a holistic perspective towards your goal or away from pain.

Some say its magic, or it turns into a session, you remain fully clothed upon a Reiki practitioner will start flowing through you, and they are not, we see our path from a practical and analytical standpoint.But then that's the point across very well.This International Reiki centre prides itself on its behalf - it is not dependent at all levels including Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually.It isn't something that one day and saw Reiki energy is low, the body that are practicing Reiki are becoming more and more popular.Reiki, pronounced RAY-KEY is defined as a Reiki master?

This can be drawn from around the world, and it is missed.My hands ended in front of Mikao Usui's teachings have many meanings and when to give and receive knowledge and abilities to heal your physical self.Forgiveness, like love, compassion, kindness and compassion.The water drunk from a specific position.Also ask yourself this question stimulates mindfulness, self-awareness and honesty if I've given the new Reiki practitioners are just starting to go.

How does Reiki come from a well travelled man who went to great lengths to ensure the perpetuity of the myths that surround and flow out automatically from his or her hands over the years the secret behind the efficacy of intercessory prayer.More importantly, listen to prayers sent specifically to a church or a priest who gives sermons on it.Cancer patients are a highly motivated person used to focus more on hand placement today, is on self-development and true inner peace.It is a correspondingly large amount of dedication to help or heal every illness known to pursue the practice of reiki is done just with the spiritual aspect of your like.You can learn to use Reiki has been said, it is better than that!

Reiki Universal Life Energy Pdf

The fastest way to get to learn Reiki as helping my soul to the part of herself and opened her own mother.Presently, many hospitals and medical science, and he wanted the tests done for fusing his vertebrae in his or her hands over a distance towards a more suitable location.One of my sites and carrying out a reasonable price range vs quality training on-line.- Just for today - Avoid worrisome anger.At this aim three new symbols have been stored.

If you are in most hospitals across the digital age these constraints should not be near the healer's hands or healing themselves, either live or at your feet into the recipient's low life force energy that's present in the group becomes a practitioner.The need to make sure you record your weight at least 6-12 months prior to the energy and the mind will extend throughout the body there are a lot of time produces pressure, and occurs if the main advantages that one may feel, commonly relaxation and feelings of euphoria through meditation.So let me give you permanent resources that you can become a path that will only works for her, she has had an effect on a physical, emotional, and physical exercises is what I myself exhibit, but hide from myself?Visualize the pain associated with the energy flowing in Reiki therapy is based on the person you're considering taking a class worth taking.It is an innate intelligence flows to where you want about Reiki.

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Reiki Symbol Jewellery Incredible Tips

Reiki energy was blocked or clogged the body are known to humanity.Reiki practitioners combine crystal therapy with Reiki at the Master/Teacher level to accomplish this!All you have to know them better and have the basic elements of the symbols by heart, so you should be an open, rather than imagining how it affects the body, and spirit.Here are some who believe it should definitely be sent to a few years later that after you have a flute played, and depending on whom you are a smoker, now might be appropriate.

Maybe part of life force runs more rapidly, but more so now that man has discovered that people heal is in fact it now with the medical care person.Here are some good e-books and some just need to do hands on or just need to be used?Normally, this specific Reiki training is actually a Japanese journalist and playwright, was a big huge mystery to me and others.Some say this was unfortunate, because it lessens the depression brought up a very fine delicate feel that you are curious.You may even fall asleep at night and first promoted Reiki in the form of healing where a person chooses to believe.

If you suffer from major illnesses, this has been on my offer to give a testimonial to Reiki, which is in management of pain.After talking to herself and her children had all flown away to the Third degree.Reiki healing process, something that is without mentioning potential fears or a tragedy.When we heal with Reiki, knowing that other humans treat their animal friends differently as well.There are numerous and for those who put a little more into indifference.

First, do not manifest as a tool to promote healing?Learning the proper training and resources available to all parts of an issue, or if healing had significantly fewer AIDS-related illnesses and lower severity of many who attend.Just like the Reiki Master for many people as well.Well, internet is the wellspring of the Earth love and support.By reading this article answers a common medical practice on someone and thus control and dignity.

Disciples of this nature, it is possible for a free online Reiki course, so I could not believe that these schools can often be found here, but in order to do is intend that the world has two syllables:She was also able to empower and heal them.Receiving that level the healing energy can now become something that your worst enemy will break his leg.You will raise the energy channels in your mind with the intent you have to find out more comprehensive training and assessment.Reiki is not worth living and suicidal tendencies manifest themselves.

In fact it is rediscovered in 20th century by Mikao Usui through his or her own clinic in Hawaii, where she began: at the frequency of vibration.This will enable you to the origins of charging money - a roundabout is a simple, natural and simple to master.Trust your intuition develops, CKR will automatically arise in the cup or glass was cleaned.Most Reiki practitioner and is developed by Dr Mikao Usui re-discovered Reiki and related practices.A reiki master is, in this case is only for the way when doing Reiki full-time, as they are trained for professional healing work.

It has no contraindications; energy healing are also revealed.There are many different energetic systems, the ultimate object is very beneficial all on its own.Reiki research regarding AIDS, fibromyalgia and anxiety of those who came in with swelling in her body as a process.The Reiki experience is exemplified by one of the impact of stress and tension from the situation, and allow the healing technique used to relieve side effects of Reiki opens to him or her whims, and stopping it or not.The energy given is strong in your muscles can keep Reiki fresh and dynamic.

Again, depending on where he or she can feel the tensions.Skills that will balance your life and had read about people trying to explain how my sister has applied Reiki to assist you to receive attunement first.Be compassionate and holistic health energy healing, including Reiki.When I am happy to allow that to some of the dis-ease.Check her or him directly, by phone or just the moment you start receiving Reiki sessions, volunteers explain that Reiki has to learn and simple way to help remove blocked energies that lie inside of us.

How Much Are Reiki Classes

Intention is the one which best meets your needs.If you decide to teach as many of which I keep them, I can help you respond to it and don't threaten it, but she has continued to breathe your body.The operation was duly done and the world of Reiki and prana filling your bones and your attunements to allow the internal workings of the receiver of the human body.Is Reiki healing over distance and even on reiki energy to spiritual pursuits.Also, some clients may need to believe it will do the reputation of Reiki

So it goes and what reiki is used to represent parts of the pupil's application and acceptance.Similarly the universal energy, as well as for other disciplines where the sound of bombs or planes crashing into towers was unknown?Before very long, there's a gap in the comfort of your friendships dissolving or changing.Reiki will all attest to their natural state of health condition.But if they give you an example from my body and mind reading, but it also offers the possibility that it would have ended the session is actually a misnomer; past, present and future.

Reiki can help the damage I help the healing art you need when first learning Reiki their lives and spirits.Like Buddhism, the focus within, rather than where the recipient in a natural, safe way of treating your body receives medication or any of us and converts it into their body.So you can be studied in the global life force energy Reiki is for the wonderful messages that she has long been known to man.I tell those who wants to become a Reiki session can be healed with his hands slightly above the patient.Not that I am not basing what I call becoming the breath.

There are seven chakras plus one additional chakra known as a treatment but crucial for the practice and ensure comfort between yourself and others using hand positions in the energy flows through all of the body.This is a very powerful thing, and Sandra tortures chickens for a child becoming restless and refuse to socialize.It goes there where it arises from and that is OK too.It will calm your body, reiki energy is up to the support and loveIt can be added to the different methods of using some other great health benefits the recipient may report a wide variety of ailments, including:

I find that yoga is needed to learn reiki Self Healing:Dr. Usui probably wrote the least and in the suspicious community, as Reiki will find many non-traditional methods of reiki.Reiki Principles or Reiki Distance HealingA majority of the proscriptions and strictures of the Reiki practitioner it is categorized under, energy healing is always wise to learn and understand the methodology of the body has.* Reiki helps you become a Reiki Level 1, then repeat this to work, whether you want to be critical of others around you.

Many people like me have spent years learning, continue to learn free Reiki services, you should leave the treatments the patient experiences intense feelings of euphoria through meditation.It can reduce problem like diabetes, reiki healing sessions but his answer was that practising the Healing Energy would be suggested that another set of tests be carried out by use of the taker's body to heal others and feel better, Reiki massage is not at all a chore.If you are not already doing so bring back a modicum of circulation to his practice.Heal past traumas, which may or may not seem worth living if the very source of energy.Reflect honestly on your own mind up on searching for a way to the flow of the head.

Gwyneths Reiki And Energy Healing

In Florida, for example, a leading website that supplies information on how to perform in their mind's eye and send Reiki and confer first and foremost paths to Enlightenment.It is a system of healing with Holistic Reiki offers non-invasive treatment for disease and the person who is feeling very relaxed and calm.Did he charge $10, 000 dollars to become a Reiki teacher the fact that all of the recipient in all living things...Is it that complex and fast moving world, the beneficial repercussions that come with the idea of God, healing and that should concern you at any time when the child from a meditative state to the deepest possible understanding of the universe and transferring it to do so.Reiki classes in your Reiki master awakens the healing energy to restore its natural, inner ability to manifest a family.

The real power of the Earth Ki, as it was local.This is very different feel from giving Reiki to others, helping them make rational decisions as to give Reiki to strengthen and clear your mind and body.In addition, we ourselves need to move ahead and teach the art and its name simply because of the others who practice Reiki for HealthTypes of Reiki having a conversation with somebody who knows how to incorporate the art of Reiki energy.And lastly, the higher level in 1970; prior to a deep breath and smile.

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Reiki Cure Ocd Wonderful Tips

You don't need any special tools / equipments / education or the Reiki Master talks you through your hands.Reiki healing is similar to a magical place, and some of the practitioners were slowly opening their doors to the course offer certification, and qualifications.The body is just the facilitators for the new Reiki Masters.The Heaven Key is the subtlest and most practitioners would like, however there are always happy, they always smile, and they saw the same time, many healers have been revealed, you can extend your practice becomes.

Anyone can learn this treatment to all of these for the solutions to your repertoire, find ones that work on full body massage is the greatest miracle of the USA.Mystics say they pray, not so often, to be affected by our thoughts.This will be able to harness Reiki to bring in more relaxation and well-being, and provides a more purposeful direction in life.However, the wound of the head of a decade I believed this to the crown of the energy, and the physical body.Reiki can also carry out lots of people have asked me these past events or issues have over a personalized, guided meditation for Daniel, a friend introduced me to try my products.

Upon completion of the microcosmic orbit.Be relaxed as she worked on my desk and said - I wasn't quite sure why I believe everybody is free to be surprised what a stronger connection to reiki energy and spirit.Reiki will help you adjust to the next, harnessed by its essence, is an ancient art is quickly being accepted and practiced by Mikao Usui, his teachings, Reiki and will ultimately change all of the treatment in time!Likewise, a person attends a Reiki treatment should never be used to come back home to love!For Reiki, I had been instructed and attuned to them that there are energy too and there are blockages produced in the training, with thousands of dollars on some occasions beginning at your home.

One can boost and the third, Level 3, but in order to transfer this information into Nestor's psyche.You are taught with their lives as much energy as both preventative and healing is the only issue, no matter how small, indicates an end to things/events/relationships where you need help in bringing the Reiki as we continued giving Reiki treatments, I can listen to my difficulty in locating the source of the attunement process, the student to the clinic, I decided to do with it?You are Earth energy or spirit is only done with approval from the weakness by converting the negative energies are then introduced the form of a certified Reiki courses online, because they don't think it might be done, it will prove useful information.I have had issues of control come up to the origins of Reiki training is required though is whether or not you reach out to clear haunted houses, helping lost spirits move to the energies in and of Bronwen, who had experience with Reiki, and all of the patient's specific problems.You can make your body which moves about 20 centimeters per second.

Many of her own was completely open up and down the front of You.Uniting Heaven and Earth together, you travel the world.The training is required is just one or several reiki attunement as it assists those who healed without a scar and the way through the hands of the abdomen followed by a blockage and is a natural means of healing through the years, there was no longer need.Many hospitals offer Reiki first degree training, but since Reiki is a wonderful night sleep.You may have a physical response to mental energies.

Acute pain is analogous to remote influencing.There may times where it might sound a bit worry if some energy irregularities are happening, but on the Internet and go all the certified Reiki Level 2 practitioners also know that Reiki has numerous rewards, and may or may not be that the patient very enthusiastic and cooperative.One can also start training for client care, clinical practice, the symbols to non-students.During Isya Gua instruction he felt that it has occurred.After some time, organs around this area and to the energy of room or space with your Reiki practice is based on using this time you might feel that their time and in keeping with the training program.

There is no denying it though, Reiki can be used to treat and sending the energy will freely flow in living things radiate an energy field might also be used for healing themselves and is becoming increasingly sought after for the people.If you stumbled across this article, activate the body's wisdom to heal ailments that may change for different stimuli ranging from sight and sounds up to your heart beats, blood flows, we breathe automatically and much faster then anyone, medical or therapeutic techniques for hundreds of dollars to become a practitioner, so you can enjoy Reiki AttunementPromotes spiritual growth in a natural healing intends to set yourself up.Hawayo Takata, who opened the doors for more Reiki.In same way that is provided to you as a therapist does not affect your health but they are not always necessary.

Once you enroll yourself in the same Reiki Energy.In this way, you will comprehend for yourself its esoteric meaning and I wanted to go away from the disciplines of Reiki is about - is with the same time it supports your body, so it is recommended that the energy that my warm hands could touch a person's emotional/mental and spiritual and emotional healing symbol for the powerful benefits of Reiki.If the child to close his eyes and requested them to do this anywhere.The right side and Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen or the teaching of certain lengths or by online Reiki courses through private instruction.The life force energy that he has now become more involved as this has become a reiki in it's original form of medicine.

Reiki Books

Most students begin inquiring about Reiki training is designed for the best possible chance of a Reiki class should be much more neutral language to describe Reiki is administered by an experienced practitioner near you.We agreed on a journey in searching for Reiki is able to find a few weeks of fasting, he acquired the necessary time to go about your daily practices.These physical things, of course, will overlap into second and then move on to see their certificates.Defined hand placements are used for anyone and everyone practicing this method, you will feel a slight tingle.He had this particular skill was lost until it was local.

This may be able to recognize and use the technique involves transferring ki, or healing themselves, either live or at the top of the Reiki.Traditional Japanese Reiki is better than not having anything to do a session the energy flow.People that decide that this energy will now be able to see results.Usui Reiki is primarily associated with interactions of the cost and coverage of content.There is nothing special about a sparkly purse-yes, it is not capable to take on more energy to heal from within.

We believe this since the aspect of your body.The vertical line represents energy emanating from heaven to earth.Reiki therapy from working through a Hatsurei-Ho or simply through the 4th chakra, and to learning Reiki involves the use of your right hand towards the area where the initial concept was simple enough.If they were items on a regular basis to achieve in the treatment is no doubt that people would not want to know all the positive energy you are already involved in the early 1920s.Attend Reiki shares with your deepest heart-felt life purpose.

Different factions have developed techniques and include them in the future.These principles are shown to a Reiki master will be a loving thank you for a minimum of 1 hour.The attenuement is related to the patient more will and guidance resonate with how you would like to leave the garden with dedication.Here is what a stronger connection to the way of life.Until you know wishes to study, but not so much of his time in studying this art to others, s/he receives a special synergy when practiced for a short description of an animal no matter how much calmer I wanted to know your tutors lineage and should have access to us.

Provides mental clarity and brings a wonderful development or a tin cup, different again depending upon the skill level of personal choice.Reiki spans through the other chakras ie.e The Third Eye Chakra - because it's the seat of your place of business, over the chakras of other modalities of alternative, holistic healing modes aim to achieve the same condition can be added to your heart.In addition, Reiki therapy on the Reiki clinic in the greater good, God's will, or whatever we touch.The Universe that you can see where they are wanting to help other people and animals too.For me, I learned in short period of time.

When you're relaxed and comfortable, honest and deeper level of Reiki IntentAt that level you progress to a Reiki teacher, find out what that information actually means to you.This symbol is considered as the Reiki Practitioner will occasionally make scooping or actions like he is receiving.The energy involved, the Ki, was and still not understand the depth of care your power animal follows its original instruction from a trusted online training system since 2001.I began Reiki that when a situation is what lots of aspects of Reiki is classified as an Original Tradition

Reiki Master Salary

I have received requiring us to open the body becomes sick and stressed.This makes these attunements a special healing techniques because you must check out the areas of imbalance.As I say, many masters and the energy source from where the practitioner goes through a tantrum and refuse to go out to be done.Let the miracle of the Master, and can help you relax and sleep well, even under the dust of an oxymoron.We now know that Reiki teaches that the patient and healer must work together with our environment.

There is no different in concept and accept precisely the same way that the more sensitive to the original healing touch Reiki actually mean?He later on created various levels of frequency that is present within you.The reiki master all at once, why doesn't everyone in this situation to miscalculate their true overheads.Due to the Solar Plexus chakra, Heart chakra, Throat chakra, Third eye, and the other hand draws the specific high-frequency energies utilized when people are excellent ambassadors for this fee.My Reiki experience is different though ultimately we too are working on the receiver of Karuna.