#tbh i always cry at endings
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I just rewatched the last episode of Mr Monk and now I need to find my people, because I can't still be crying after 16 years 😭😭
#why is it so emotional?!#mr monk is all grown up now#tbh i always cry at endings#mr monk#adrian monk
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Omg. the light... they're finally seeing it......
Wrong movie, boys!!! The twin thieves don't flip boats during the romantic scene, get your roles right!!
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And just a liiitle painful extra:
#“let's go Deeva time to experience some emotions” I say as I drag her out of her room#But Deeva crying.... 27 injured 1 dead (me)#that scene always destroys me on so many levels 😭#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland oc#twst oc#twst cater#deeva twst#cateeva#my art#Tangled AU#tbh pretty impressed with how I speedran all this in 3 days so I could post it before the event ends#I almost didn't make it in time LMAO I blame my schedule
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Man I must suck At picking friends (x)
#would anybody believe with every edit i attempt to make in life that it's with a this is going to be FUNNY mindset#then somehow it always devolves into this isn't very funny anymore.. it's more likely i'll cry any given second#tbh i was thinking of waiting until after s3 [for reasons one can guess] but i couldn't possibly sit still until then#the way gi-hun can rarely trust the people he ends up gravitating to the most speaks to my soul in devastating ways & this is how i cope#(i.e. with humor that barely toes the line)#do i genuinely believe sangwoo and inho were consistently & maliciously acting against gihun the entire time they were in his orbit?#no.. no i do not. but remember. this is just funny.. fun and games.. :')#what's that one song with the lyric 'i hear words in clips and phrases...'#that feels like my head whenever i try to compose videos like this; there's some sense but also a very specific mental chaos#a video#mine#sang-woo#cho sang-woo#in-ho#hwang in-ho#gi-hun#seong gi-hun#sangihun#457#squid game#squid game spoilers#tw: violence#tw: blood
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omg i just finished orv im going insane im im i can finally look at that doc of things i saved for after i finished orv and can look at spoilers...i can finally unblock that orv spoiler tag...im so normal about orv
#orv#orv novel spoilers#orv spoilers#bluris rambles#ok stop cause i was literally holding my goddamn breath for like. all the epilogues cause holy shit man holy shit#i was like if singnsong ends orv and doesnt give me any hope that the companions can someday get back not just part of kdj but all of him-#-i will fucking cry bc oh my god#but its ok im ok but also#when i couldnt scroll to the next page...#im#HRJKWANLFJK#also i had such a weird way of reading it. its been like 4 years since i technically started#but i stopped reading it a while back bc life happens rip#i wonder what it would have been like if i had finished the remainding 9% i originally had but just without any of the context i remembered#and then did the full reread#bc i reread only 91% of it technically speaking#i feel like i should reread the last 9% tbh hm#anyways wow it took me 6 months huh#im a slow reader xD#to be fair i was also reading other things#idk what im gonna do without orv as my fallback bc it was always there for me to read even when i finished other books along the way#mayhaps start a new novel whats that one with cale in it#oh yeah i gotta catch up on the webtoon that too#gotta reread tower of god too thats been on my list for way too long...#insert that meme where its like unfollow me right now bc im gonna be so unwell about orv sorry guys but also not sorry bc i finally finally#finished it#am gonna get me merch im so excited#also praying that all the links on that doc i made with buncha stuff like blogs to check out still work oop wish me luck#waht do you fucking mean hsy wrote the novel for kdj and she gave him a reason to live and yjh was created by her but also nr and also-#-kdj is oldest dream and oh my godddd oh my god and yjh going on that trip to spread the story and meeting biyoo along the way
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Ride 787: The back that was pushed!!

Pag 1
1: Packed with the passion of everyone in Sohoku... a full throttle injection of will-power!!

Pag 2
1: Iitsuka-san!!
Goo Fukuoka!!
Oh, Tomaribata!!
Fukuoka, take the mountain!!
2: What about Hakogaku's Manami!?
3: Don't worry about him. He did catch up to me but then suddenly stopped
When I shouted at him, he closed his eyes and fell silent!!
4: Is it because he found out that Iitsuka-san is Fukuoka Josei's “mountain shogun”?
Yeah, probably!!
Amazing!!
5: Let's take the lead now!!
Ahead there's also Fujiwara-san from the Kyuushu team Kumadai!!
6: But anyway for a moment I was so scared....

Pag 3
1: When Hakogaku sent ahead their ace Manami!!
2: I can hear it
4: The first day's mountain prize!! Let's take it, at our hometown's Inter High!!
5: Wait....!!
6: “The sound of wheels”? “He's catching up”?
Could it be that Manami is waiting for someone?

Pag 4
1: And that's why he slowed down....!?
2: Raise your pace, Tomaribata!!
4: We're still at the start of the mountain, if we use up our legs here....
It's fine, we'll establish a good distance now
Huh!? But
Think, idiot!! If you think about it, you'll get it!! The person Manami slowed his legs down to wait for....

Pag 5
1: It's Sohoku's “Mountain King”!!



Pag 8
1: Mountain King!!
2: Fo-fo-for the first day's mountain!?
Why even the Mountain King, even the Mountain King!!
I don't know!! I don't know but that doesn't change the reality!!
3: Last year so many times we couldn't race each other
So I thought that maybe this year too...
4: What do I do if he doesn't come, I thought....
5: I was scared
6: For a while I couldn't even open my eyes

Pag 9
2: I caught up
4: Thank god it's real!!

Pag 10
1: You came, Sakamichi-kun
Yeah!! Manami-kun!!

Pag 11
1: Can we race?
2: Yes!!

Pag 12
3: Everyone in the team pushed my back!!

Pag 13
1: Onoda-kun!!
2: He should have caught up with Manami around now!!
3: Onoda-san!!
4: Hahaha!!
5: Back-gate slope-senpai!!
6: At full throttle!!
At full throttle!!
Run!!
Please run!!

Pag 14
1: Nghh...!!
2: “Nghhh” it's right!!
3: Ahaha
Hahaha
They're suddenly laughing, let's raise our pace!!
Yes!!
4: It was during your training camp on our first year
5: When we raced for the first time
6: I remember I was so excited when I heard that our names were “Sakamichi” and “Sangaku”
It's the perfect combo!!

Pag 15
1: I was surprised you didn't even have your feet fastening on
We stopped at the summer house and talked
2: We were so free back then!!
We didn't have any responsibility, not teams nor jerseys!!
3: Ahaha
4: When you're in second and third year the things you have to do increases so much....
5: I'd throw this “captain” title away anytime!!
Hahaha I get it, it's difficult for me too

Pag 16
1: If someone on my team heard that they would get angry
Doubashi-kun especially would get angry!!
Sounds scary...
4: You're wearing the number “3”
Ah, yeah, uhm, we talked with everyone on the team
Huh.... on official races the winner of the previous year should wear the number “1”
5: I see, leave it to me then
I'll push through, hahaha!!
Thank you!!
Is.. is that alright?
Waa, Pierre-sensei is so reliable!!
6: Your teacher....!!
Then...
7: Yeah, “3” like Makishima-san's “173”

Pag 17
1: I'm also wearing Toudou-san's number “13”
2: “Sleeping beauty”!!
Kuah!! Toudou!!

Pag 18
1: That day, the first day of the Inter High two years ago
2: While we were pulling the team, I imagined those two fighting for the mountain prize....
3: I'm sure they must be having fun
Fighting until you're empty
It can't not be fun!!
4: We can't go right now, but let's do it
A fight until the last drop, until our limits!!
Yeah!!
5: We promised to race
Today may be the day to truly make that wish....

Pag 19
1: come true!!

Pag 20
1: Our third year, the last Inter High
2: The first day.... a fight to compete only for the colored bib
3: The purity of this race is infinitely high!!
4: Yeah!!

Pag 21
5: Let's do it, Manami-kun!!

Pag 22
2: I've been waiting to hear those words!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 787#THEYRE SO CUTE YOUR HONOR I LOVE THEM SO MUCH#pag 15 is the cutest thing ever#MANAMI IS SO EXCITED!! LOOK AT HIM BEING SO HAPPY!!!#he couldnt even open his eyes at first bc he was scared it wasnt real and onoda wouldnt be there#EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY#i love this so much you have no idea#manami being like 'id throw away the title of captain tbh' and onoda being like 'yeah i get it mood' lmao#i love seeing how their friendship goes both way#bc we always see onoda liking manami so much ya know#like hes the one whos always thinking about him etc#while manami takes 3 months to reply to him via text lmao but thats just manami being manami#i swear if kiji or midosuji crush this sansaka date imma throw hands#(i know it will probably happen tbh)#oh another thing! THE PARALLELS!! man i love parallels so much and the fact that theyre paralleling exactly maki-chan and toudou is#making me emotional#and also it makes me think that the end of this ih will parallel the first one meaning the two finalists will be first years#like roku vs tobirama and roku will win! wishful thinking? perhaps!! who knows!!#anyway the urge to write a sansaka fic after this chapter is strong. specifically some sort of 5+1 fic
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I’m not even going to lie
I’ve been in a frenzy this summer liking every Hollyleaf content known to man and just going at it without tagging
BUT
I am distraught, I’m not happy at all. The Erins have done irreparable damage to me. I was 11 years old reading warrior cats seeing my favorite character get KO’d by fucking hawkfrost
the trauma has not left me since that day
if anyone needs a warning, take mine. because as an 18 year old woman I’m still haunted by those pages. And not even necessarily in a good way??? OOTS made me so angry that I proved the Napoleon complex real. I had so much anger in my 11 yr old body for that moment that I stayed off the series for such a long time.
thanks to the real ppl out there who take OOTS and make it a wonderful work of art
I have an appreciation for it now that I DEFINITELY did not used to have
and while we’re at it that final battle was lame af and I’m being so so honest rn 🥲
#wc oots#hollyleaf#mythoughts#End me#god I hate this arc#If in 20 years from now I’m still staying up till 3am crying about warriors I wouldn’t even be surprised#Like I used to get viscerally anger and if I have no shame about admitting it I still do to this day 😭 angry tears it’s embarrassinggg#Yes this is always about Hollyleaf tbh but also the power of the four was so horrid
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Anjana Vasan - Naga's Song (2021)
#anjana vasan#anj*#music#crying about it#listening to the album and going from talk to you to this song always gives the perfect emotional whiplash#cannot help but grin through the entire duration of talk to you and then i'm basically bawling at the end of naga's song#tbh i'm kinda afraid i'm gonna wear out my vinyl so i was listening the digital version this time lol#hmm... maybe i should buy another copy of the vinyl and see if she'd write another note along with it lol#strange country jukebox#might as well tag the album at this point#Bandcamp
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ive been keeping a detailed track of each cry i have this year (type/reason/duration/location/date/etc.) and i was having such a promising no cry streak - but alas, there they be.
#yes i am going to do a recap at the end of the year <3#i definitely think there was a cry or two at the end of april i didnt log#but i dont remember it well enough tbh#end of april always becomes a trauma fog
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i think overall the balan→lance process is very slow to the point he doesn’t even notice most of the changes until it’s too late (his eye color, voice etc) but the more obvious stuff happens fast and comes near the end (the tendrils. honey you’ve got a big storm comin)
the first thing is the hair, balan gets one silver strand of hair (or like a short tendril w/ his hat on) after the end of the game/novel events for refusing to erase everyone’s memories and it gradually gets harder to hide :(
#also the fact that lance seems to be a little shorter than balan is concerning from this perspective. his spine fell out#idk how to handle the clothes change though. him finding this random new Sinister outfit and just being like yeah sure i’ll wear that 😃#crying. tbh i haven’t thought about them much before now but… I Care Them#ik it’s like 80% headcanon but still. lance wanting someone to hang out with forever and then ending up resenting him.. good….#BUT HE STILL ALWAYS CARES HIM……
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Ride 756: The third Inter High!!

Pag 1
1: The Inter High starting line is impartial
2: Those aiming for victory
3: Those filled to the brim
4: Those who are scared
5: Everyone who put on their number bib
6: The line calls everyone to a new path


Pag 2 / 3
1: No2, Onoda Sakamichi's last Inter High!!

Pag 4
1: “Kyushu” was once divided into nine countries, and that's why it has that name*
(NdT.: The “kyuu” in Kyushu means nine)
(Currently is divided in seven prefectures: Fukuoka, Ooita, Saga, Nagasaki, Kumamoto, Miyazaki, Kagoshima)
2: It has a lot of active volcanoes, and people coexist with the harshness of nature while enjoying hot springs, geothermy, and tourism
3: Trade with the continent has been active since ancient times
4: Formerly, the distribution of goods by ships, which was the mainstream
5: Passed through the Kanmon Straits, separating Honshu and Kyushu
6: And transported to Osaka, Edo, the Japanese cities by the sea, and every corner of the country

Pag 5
1: Even today, the Kanmon Straits, which passes through Shimonoseki, and Kitakyushu City, and Moji, is the shortest route that connects the Inland Sea and the Sea of Japan, and is a key point for the shipping through sea
2: 1000 ships a day pass through the complex strait, which is 500m wide in its narrowest point
3: As for the land route
4: An highway crosses the Kanmon Strait with a huge bridge 1068m long
5: Ordinary national roads and railroads pass through specialized tunnels
6: As for bicycles and people... they use the “pedestrian bridge tunnel” at the bottom of the huge bridge
From Honshu to Kyushu, they can cross over the Kanmon Strait by walking

Pag 6
4: Waaa
We're at the bottom of the sea here?
That's right
5: So above us is the sea?
Yeah
And we can walk to Kyushu?
That's right, it's around 400m from here
Amazing....
6: There's even people with bikes
Yeah
7: Look! There's a line!
It's the prefectural border
8: One, two-
9: Yes! I landed in Kyushu!

Pag 7
1: The entrance to Kyushu is in the northernmost town, Moji, in the prefecture of Fukuoka, Kitakyushu City

Pag 8
1: This is where this year's Inter High will start

Pag 9
3: Where do I put this baggage?
Put it in the tent for now
Thank you, senpai
4: Look, The bikes are all lined up
So pretty

Pag 10
1: I took a picture
So cool
2: Two portions of Mijiko curry, please
Yessir
3: A pressure of 6.5?
Six, please
4: Do you have an allen key?
Yes

Pag 11
1: Ohhhh
2: There's so many huge buses!!
Teh!!
3: Nara
4: That one is from Miyazaki
5: Na-Nagano!!
6: And there's so many people, too, teh....!!
7: Are they participants in the race!? All of them!?
You're kidding, they look so strong!!
8: The attendance!! Is on this scale!!
So this is....

Pag 12
1: A national competition!!
2: Teh?
3: Ohh.... suddenly my knees started trembling, teh
Ho- how do I stop it, teh, Ki....
4: Kinaka-kun!!
6: Ki.....
7: “The competition is in Kyushu, so there's no way we can bring everyone along”
8: Kinaka.... kun

Pag 13
1: I'm here!!
Ah, you're here....
2: I'll be a mechanical help for the next three days
And I was entrusted to be your lucky charm
De-he.... oho, ohoho, fuhoho!! What's that enigmatic way of laughing!!
3: Don't act like I didn't come!!
No... I just wanted to reaffirm again how grateful I am that you came, Kinaka-kun...
Ah!? That doesn't make any sense
4: It does!!

Pag 14
1: Because I really am grateful to you, Kinaka-kun!!
3: And I think this jersey is for the both of us!!
5: Don't say you're grateful so directly
It's embarrassing!!
6: Let's go to the tent!!
Yeah!!
You
7: It's your first Inter High but you're not all that nervous!!
That's somehow incredible
8: Yeah!!
After all

Pag 15
1: We have the strongest senpai!!

Pag 16
1: Ohhh
Waaa
2: It's Sohoku!!
It's Sohoku, the two-times in a row champion!!
Sohoku is in Kyushu!!
3: What a terrific aura!
Waaa
Onoda.... Naruko, Imaizumi!!
They look serious!!
Are they aiming for the championship again this year!?

Pag 17
1: They're going to get their number bibs
They're heading straight for the reception!!
Yes, all the participants are lining up in a row there
2: Oi, you're interrupting....
3: Sorry-
Ah
Soho-
Waa
Waaa-
5: -ku's...... bibs....

Pag 18
1: ….. please
2: Is he..... nervous....!? The reigning champion, Sohoku!?
Did he have a nervous aura?
Maybe the two guys behind him.... were supporting him?
3: They were supporting him, but the jersey came off
5: They're going back to their tent....
So that's Sohoku... right
7: So-so- sorry, I got nervous!!
Yeah
Right
8: La-la-la-la-la
La?
La?

Pag 19
1: I was thinking it's the last Inter High!!
3: For us

Pag 20
4: Yeah
5: That's right
6: That's right, Onoda-kun
We're third years
7: It's our third and final
8: yearly grand stage

Pag 21
1: Once this is over, we'll retire
This Inter High is our last race!!


Pag 23
1: Honestly speaking, I my heart too was pounding when we were on the ship coming here
I was really nervous
2: Naruko-kun....
3: Naruko
4: But then I thought
When we were first years and ran in the Kanagawa competition..... maybe, at the starting point in Enoshima
5: The old man, Kinjou-san, and Makishima-san, too, were as nervous as we are now

Pag 24
1: They must have been
3: But they didn't show it at all to us kouhai
4: Well, we can't afford to show it, either
5: That's why, Manager, we talked and decided to go back to our beginning!!
6: We chased and caught up with those people's back, but this time we're gonna surpass them!!
7: Huh
8: We're changing our numbers from last year!!

Pag 25
1: The old man carried number 172, so I'll take number 2!!
Hotshot will take the number Kinjou-san wore, number 1!!

Pag 26
3: And Onoda-kun....
I....
7: The number Makishima-san carried

Pag 27
1: I'll run wearing the number 3!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 756#what do you mean the ih is really starting#what do you mean this is the last IH and after this yowapeda is over#WHAT DO YOU MEAN NARUKO THAT AFTER THIS RACE YOURE GONNA RETIRE#yes i know its gonna take literal years before it ends BUT im just crying already#what a beautiful beautiful chapter!!#starting with a japanese geography lesson from watanabe-sensei#which is always interesting tbh yowapeda is a very educational manga#then there my babies my boys my children Roku-chan and Kinaka#i need to write more fics for them because- BECAUSE!! did you see theeeeem????#i really thought for a moment that kinaka wasnt there and i was about to start crying for real#but he's there of course he's there!! he could never leave rokudai alone that boy would panic too much#roku-chan's jersey is for the both of theeeem!! he really said that ;A;#and kinaka being all embarrassed asfdasgfd how are they so cute omg i love them#and then there's THE trio- my boys my babies who have grown up so much!!#Onoda who is a disaster as always whenever hes not riding a bike!! And naruko and imaizumi there being his knights!!#Not so good at their job sinc eonoda still falls and destroys everything and theyre left with only his jersey lmao#that was the funniest sequence of panels ever sagdhka#then end made me so emotionaaal ;A; theyre wearing their senpai's numbers ;A; they really are going to surpoass them this year#but also also hear me out#if theyre like the three senpai two years ago then roku has precisely the role onoda had#meaning HE is going to take the win#imma manifesting this#btw i really need to write fics this chap left me with the need to do it
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hey.
so. haven't been around for quite some time, mostly due to my health issues (the usual + muscle aches and joint pains, i'm having a great time), but also in part due to The Situation. it's hard to care about anything with everything that's been going on, it all seems so pointless and meaningless, i'm living in a completely different universe from everyone else here. wish i could be that privileged, but alas. it's also hard being around here, and on other social media platforms for that matter, and seeing the raging antisemitism and sheer hate everywhere. i haven't checked my dash in almost 2 months, haven't checked specific blogs like i used to either, and have no plans on doing so anytime soon. i know what i'll find, i don't want it.
i was gonna stay quiet like i ususally do, especially since i genuinely don't have energy for anything rn, but it's been 2 months and i've been biting my tongue and screaming and crying into my pillow daily and i just need to get some of it out before i implode. there's only so much ignorance and hate that one person can take before snapping, so. here i am.
i have so much i want to say, i've written a million posts in my mind in the past 2 months, but i'm too Tired to actually write them down, and it'll just be one big messy ramble anyway, so i'm just gonna reblog a couple of other people's posts and make do with that. just a couple, don't worry, i know these are issues most either want to avoid dealing with or the opinions shared in those posts are a complete 180 degrees from what's trendy to believe in today. but i have to share it anyway. for 2 months i've been terrified, frustrated, bitter, angry and absolutely heartbroken, but there's one thing i haven't been, and that is ashamed. i'm proud of who i am. i'm proud of my people and their spirit. you will never understand what it's been like for us, what it still is like for us, but let me just say this: they wanted to break us, they wanted to break our spirit. they failed. we've never been more united. they just made us stronger.
so i'm gonna reblog some stuff so i can get it out of my system and move on. at worst i hope you just ignore and scroll past it; at best i hope you keep an open mind and maybe for the first time read things from a different pov instead of just the one sided propaganda everyone is continuously exposed to. maybe you'll see it isn't all black and white, maybe you'll see there are nuances you're not even aware of, maybe you'll realize you've been fed a lot of misinformation, half truths and even lies over the years. maybe. if you have questions or want to have a mature and civil conversation about it, feel free to msg me and i'll try and reply when my health allows me to, i'm open to discussion. if you want to unfollow me after this, feel free to do so. i'm not gonna force my truth on anyone, but i'm also not gonna change who i am for anyone either.
and on a more personal note, i wanna say thank you again for the msgs i've received last time and haven't replied to (due to health, Situation etc), and for the ones i've gotten since (will get to those soon i hope). i do feel the need to say this tho - i did have a peek or two at my dash and on twitter earlier on and saw some things. i was in a super sensitive state at the time and it was pretty disheartening ngl. it's hard nowadays, with all the hate going on and public opinion being what it is, to know whether or not you're still welcome in these spaces, whether or not people still like you and care about you, or if you've officially become persona non grata. most days it feels like the latter tbh. i just don't know where i stand. i said i'm not gonna force myself on anyone and i'm not, so if you're still ok with me…i guess the ball's in your court? 🌻
thanks for reading. thanks for sticking around, to those who decide to do so. take care y'all. never again is now. am yisrael chai. 💙
#y'all are lucky i wrote this post and the tags on the following posts yesterday morning#bc after what was revealed yesterday and what happened this morning i'm a million times angrier and more bitter#i have never felt this magnitude of heartbreak and rage before#it was never like this before october 7 but with every day that passes i get angrier and angrier and cry more and more#every now and then i just want to set the world on fire#i cannot believe what has become of humanity. we don't deserve nice things.#and this is the mindset i have to live with in my condition??? i need positivity and light but there are barely any to be found anymore#fuck everything#anyway#it ended up being a bit more than a couple of posts bc i have a whole lot of feelings i had to get out#so if you don't wanna see anything about this you can blacklist the tag 'jumblr'#tbh i'll be lucky if i have any followers left after this lol but oh well it is what it is a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do etc etc#at least i will always have the pornbots to keep me company....<3#jumblr#personal
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Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!
#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting!#and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective#bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers#so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting !#but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me'#and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT#like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what#like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything#and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up#i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis#so maybe its just not worth it ?#bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means#what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is#i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me#and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory#but idk if i can trust anyone else either#i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe#what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me#which i dint love tbh#personal
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not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything
#why did i even try this hard. i dont think i deserve anything tbh#dont mind me sounding dramatic im actually fine like lol#im sad but ok but also like. i got used to being a failure and a disappointment this last year so#i feel very tired now. it wasnt a bad day overall and im happy i decided against going alone today#bc i wouldve literally ended up crying in public if i was alone lmfao#ah. ahhhhh :/ i really really really was hoping for a better outcome#stupid girl as always#anyway i really am fine i just need to be dramatic for a moment. i truly do not deserve anything i get ever im sorry#if anyone read until this point and wondering what the fuck couldve happened that got me like this#well it's truly not that important in the grand scheme of things and im being stupid#got wait listed for another scholarship lmao </3#truly stupid and foolish of me to even think from the start that i could do this lmao#what's even more stupid is im still like well. well 🤠 hey maybe 🤗#i just know im going to be feeling extremely guilty for even existing even if i end up being able to go at this point lmao#and it's so stupid to even write all this. over something like this when people have real problems and stuff lmao#truly what did i think make me worthy of this chance im so not special and dont deserve this etc etc#all this negative self talk and i will still be sleeping like 😴😴😴 still hoping for the best dont worry#and that's because im stupid#🗒#i will drink tea this day has been lacking tea so critically :/
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Yeah no YGO/Assburgers are a pair of eps that hurt way more on repeat watches
#south park#i have been stan and i have been kyle it's a 0/10 kind of situation on both ends tbh#still do love the overall commentary on how things staying the same isn't always a good thing though#and the fears of losing connections to the people and things you love as you get older#ughhh i wish i could show my mom these eps if she ever asked but believe me the vaccine commentary would lead to a complicated situation#but i wanna hug stan so tightly and cry with him because poor little guy#being hit with depression as a kid and no one getting it is the worst
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I can’t believe I’m actually going on a trip to Japan. And it’ll be my first trip without family. Ah dreams do come true for those who have friends that ask them randomly on a Wednesday afternoon (last week) if they wanna go on a trip with them and then you forgot your passport expired so you went to renew it over the weekend but your photo got rejected so you made your way down to immigration to beg them to expedite your passport with the new photo you submitted after telling them your sob story (not that I was flying off to Japan) and then the officer gave in and approved my passport and then your friend was able to book the flight and that’s how dreams come true.
Brb I’m going to visit the famous satosugu kfc breakup spot.
#text#aidah shut up#my flight is at midnight today#random shit your unemployed friend does in their life#tbh my parents kept asking me to renew my passport ages ago#but I don’t like going on trips with them cause they stress me out#and I always end up crying on trips cause of that#hopefully this will be better#I’ll have fun#I’m going with my childhood bestie#I was her bridesmaid at her wedding#so i sorta know how she is in stressful situations#it’ll work out
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💭
#I chickened out and didn’t end up calling a counselor on the school recommended app yesterday…#I have no privacy to do this tbh…#I can’t call and talk at home/ I don’t wanna call while in my car in the school parking lot cus I don’t want other people to see me crying#I really can’t just up and go out somewhere cuz my parents would question me on where I’m going#I need a private safe space to call a counselor so I can vent about my stress/anxiety from my chemistry class & professor#I just spent yesterday rotting in bed with my phone since getting back home from classes and doing work#I know I need to call a counselor and talk but I chickened out like I always do…#jazz uses curse! 💜
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