#technically not a late post (it is 11pm where I am)

[nicchiketto]

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays! 2023

No matter what you celebrate, I hope the food's yummy, and that you're having a great time!

Stay warm and cozy, eat a nice snack, and enjoy doing something you love! Cheers!

-Nicchiketto

[nyrator]

mannnn

time for more nyrants and life updates with ny, focusing on mental healths and family and where to live and art stuffsss feat. very personal introspection about arttt

Trying to be in a better mindset when writing these compared to how I usually am, let’s seeee

Admittedly struggling with depression a lot lately. Like, to the point I just can’t get out of bed anymore. Tuesday I had the day off, and spent a total of about 16+ hours in bed. I think if not for Kresna, I’d probably spent the entire day in bed. Ate breakfast at like 4:30PM and ate dinner at around 11PM and felt sick from it. But it’s extremely, extremely hard to escape my bed. When I do, I just want to go back to bed, it’s a cruel temptation.

There’s a friend who reads these who always gives kind words and advice and just a heads up, you’re awesome friend. He’s suggested something to me to help and I’ve been really debating it for a while but I think I’m still too scared at the moment, and aaa I wish I was better at communicating directly with people but such is the life of a Ny (but really dude you are a good dude)

I should really see a therapist, I think, but it’s very difficult going anywhere without money or a car, so hm.

In terms of family life, my sister got of jail, was back in jail for three days, back out, basically living at the apartment, and got sent back to jail today for three months (allegedly she had the choice between eight months house arrest versus three months jail, she allegedly picked the latter- though my mother’s friend who keeps me up to date on information about my sister told me that she thinks her urine test was hot, so hmm). My sister being around was not good for my mind at all, I think, but hopefully she really is in jail for three months.

Work is still work, very slow, back to normal hours and keeping my usual $8/hr pay, which admittedly is a bit sad. But as much as they keep telling me they want to get rid of my coworker, my managers just don’t have the heart (something will blow up eventually, probably, but who knows when).

I think in terms of where I should go in life- Ideally wherever Kresna is, but you have no idea how hard immigration, especially on minimum wage. I’ve basically decided internally that, either the asian dude I like becomes president and I stay here (he’s still the only candidate to give me some kind of hope, as silly as politics in general is), otherwise I move wherever Kresna is. But man, it’s so hard, and I’m scared of how hard it will be to support each other honestly (he’s very supportive but I’m very much a leech)

In other news, I’ve also started keeping a dream diary finally. For January, I have about four-five dreams so far. None of them I’m sure are real dreams, or just my imagination running wild in the mornings after waking up but before getting out of bed. I think I mentioned before having a type of reoccurring humiliation dream, and ended up having two of them this month (one came dangerously close to being really bad before I woke myself up).

Now, in terms of creativity (aka one of the main reasons I wanted to type today)

Art

is hard

Rotten Nyan is a strange project, as I’ve mentioned a few times before. I think I want to distance myself from it- like, project these characters as a separate entity from myself. But they’re basically a caricature of my life, so it’s weird. Doing the latest update made me feel really satisfied with myself, doing five pages in such a quick and effortless amount of time.

And then I posted them, and it was like daggers into my chest afterwards. Like, feelings of self conscious, guilt, self hate, all riled up at the realization I keep making these things public, and just really blending me up inside. It’s such a weird thing- really loving these characters and drawing them, but feeling sick thinking of any ideas or sharing anything about them when I do. And the guilt of association- these characters are technically me, but I’d rather people not see them as me, I think, and I try to think of them as separate entities- but it’s obvious they’re me.

Ideas are very hard for me to come by for that reason- the pain, and not wanting to think back on my life anymore. I think I use art to socialize, in a way- give people something interesting, something they can like and admire, and when someone interacts with it in some way- it’s like a wave of euphoria, or something. And it’s funny, because it’s still a similar reaction from me- I get so happy and flustered that I become so anxious with it and want to hurt myself. It’s a good feeling (and trust me I’ve moved on from hurting myself long ago), but anxiety is weird I guess.

I mention it a lot, but I just love the idea of other people feeding me ideas- I feel like I want to make things for other people, but the things I want to make are just my own ideas, not necessarily what they want, you know? And I’d like to join more communities and try to just get that social aspect more. Been trying to be more active on twitter, but boy do feelings of self consciousness hurt.

In terms of what I want to make, it’s also very tricky. I don’t have many original ideas lately. I browse pinterest, read manga when I can, but it’s tough. I decided to catch up on that Suicide Boy manhwa (stopped when they skipped like four chapters but figured ehh what the heck I’ll read the newer ones anyway), and mannn, my body can’t stand it. That movie theater chapter especially stood out, it’s like a frozen sledgehammer into my gut and ribcage, that kind of suffering. It feels like it hurts more than usual, and I’m both excited and scared for when Kabi’s new manga comes out into English. I don’t know how my current self can handle it.

I’ve been thinking of biting the bullet and going to the darker parts of the internet for my art. It’s tricky to talk about, y’know? But seeing most people I know fragrantly post what they like, it’s like, is there really any big deal if I do? But it’s weird. It’s like I have a mental image that I don’t want to be associated with. Explicit and highly sexualized things- those things still make me uncomfortable as a person and I still have no interest in them at all, but other things, hm. I don’t think I’d be able to handle gore, for example- I’m surprisingly squeamish, and have become moreso as time goes on, despite the edgy stylized subject matter I like.

In terms of my own personal dark interests, it’s also weird. I’d consider myself a very chaste person, but the one interest I do have is also a form of self harm, in a way, and it’s something I know most people want or like to see. It’s also something I think about far too often and pay attention far too closely in things I see- something about the way that specific pain resonates with me, it’s something that gives me the deepest chills and feelings of disgust. Such a weird mix of emotional pleasure and pain, I guess. It’s something I want to make works about, but I worry about which part I’m writing for- the pleasure, or the pain. And I forgot (or blocked out) how much it affected my mind as a kid, the painful part anyway, before it got warped into something else in high school.

Anyway, I don’t know if I’d ever be able to draw things like that comfortably. I think I just want a sense of community, or something, but those kinds of communities seem dangerous. And it’s weird, I think of friends’ interests and hidden art I’ve stumbled upon, hidden identities but with a trademark style, and how I just think good for them, keep it up, make what you want. Yet when it comes to myself, I don’t think I could just do that- make a different identity and post what amounts to fetish art. One, because I love my OCs and don’t like degrading them to just being fetish characters (and can’t imagine drawing many other characters or just designing designated fetish characters without other purpose), and two, because I simply just don’t feel comfortable with myself about it, I guess

I think, ultimately, I’m just scared of being judged, but still just want to make this weird content, but want to make it for a broad audience, if that makes sense. Either way, I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with it, and I’ll probably make a chapter of RN focus on what it at least means to me one day to at least get things off my chest. I just worry how hard my psyche will be damaged after submitting it to the public, if just sharing a tiny bit in RN has caused me so much turmoil already.

but yeah, in short: I want to draw Nyans, my mind keeps remembering the majority of things that happened to middle lave were very disgusting and so I feel uncomfortable drawing them, but those are the only things I can think of drawing half the time when thinking of ideas for them and feeling “wow, that’s really bad, I could and should do better”

and nowwww to get ready for work

[rosedalemike]

The Mood: Blog #13 “The Taco Tuesday Theory/updates”

    Very few people know this but Tuesday has been kind of an inside joke (...hence why very few people know this...) amongst the revolving door of Rosedale team members. "Wait until Tuesday, They'll probably reply on Tuesday...Follow up on Tuesday...ask them on Tuesday...hit'em up! For it is Tuesday" etc.

     I don't mean for this to come across as cynical, but Tuesday has kind of become the day where everyone is more likely to get things done. Based on nothing but statisticless experience, people are more likely to say "yes" on Tuesday for whatever reason. Humans are more willing to ignore all distractions and Crush It on Tuesday.

      Come to think of it, this is probably the same reason why there's $1 bowling on Tuesday. And movies are half price on Tuesday. And EVERYONE knows about Taco Tuesday! A little closer to home, In Canada, I remember a bunch of fast food places had "Toony Tuesday" advertised on their windows (a Toony is a $2 coin). These leisure-y businesses probably recognized drastic dips in sales on Tuesdays because everyone was too busy Crushing It to go bowling, watch movies, eat tacos etc. So they made Tuesday specials.

     I still haven't totally figured out why a day of the week has such significance as to why we perk up and Get Shit Done. But the most reasonable explanation would probably come from our counter-motivation to the general perception of weekends. Here's what I invision: Friday night is social/party night (ie.Tacos and Movies), Saturday maybe you'll beach/golf/mimosa (.../more tacos) or maybe you’ll get stuff done around the house during the day then more social events (like bowling...and tacos) at night, then Sunday is so chill that Chick-Fil-A is straight up closed (I know about religion, don't worry).

      But then why not Mondays, right? Well Monday becomes most people's time to just get back into the groove; they'll get some stuff done, ie. reply to some of the workaholics who filled their inbox over the weekend. I'd guesstimate that the average normy gets 20% of the amount of work done on Mondays than they do on Tuesdays. Maybe it's also because on Monday we're all simultaneously subconsciously thinking "I can watch that viral thing that Mr.Normy was talking about at the water cooler...I've got the rest of this week to get the thing done".

    Anyway, that's what generalization looks like from the guy who once assumed all dogs are male and all cats are female. So now that you're all in on my Tuesday theory (and know what a Toony is) I guess I'll try to finish out this here blog and give you some updates:

      Rosedale is still in the re-branding stage. I've been tossing ideas around with friends. Some like/hate certain names, other friends are on completely different pages (hating/liking what was liked/hated...if that makes sense.) But overall I'm still just trying to figure out what to do from a branding standpoint in general! Do I assemble a band finally? Keep the one man show going but give it a clever name? Have a couple different projects with different names (one with a band, one solo with video screens, maybe even one more chilled out piano/acoustic??) I feel like the name’s will be narrowed down if I can organize the overall brand plan first.

      I guess I've been more focused on writing songs (and parts for those songs) than anything. I've got about 30ish songs that I'm happy enough to keep working on. Many others have been scrapped but might make their way back somehow. So that has me juggling a lot of computer files and lyrics messaged to myself randomly throughout my days. It has been nice to focus on creating songs and recording demos as opposed to spending hours grinding away as a small time booking agent for a project whose name is nearly unsearchable.

      But yes, it is really time to buckle down and figure out what to do with these songs/project/name/podcast/YouTube ideas. So if anyone has any suggestions feel free to send them my way and I'll put them in the ever-growing vault of ideas. And I promise to start making some moves soon.

      Speaking of moves, I recently moved to San Diego and am currently living out of my trailer and a rehearsal studio in El Cajon. That has been a throbbing idea of mine since around the time I spent Christmas 2015 in Time & Distance's rehearsal room in Charleston, WV and edited the entire video for Written By The Artist. I've always wanted to live in SoCal since I started skateboarding at 12 years old. Now I'm 30 and I still love this scene so I finally just did it in the most cost efficient way possible and I’m glad I did. Big thanks to Vocal Eze for helping me make ends meet with getting down here for NAMM (namm is a big music trade show). It has been really fun working as an artist ambassador for that amazing throat spray and I’ve been learning a lot. Check out some of the #ShareYourVoice vids I make too!

      In the midst of all of that I got very show deprived from going to see the many great bands down here so I picked up some acoustic shows thanks to Nick from Mainsail. We've been accompanying each other's songs along with some covers - half-jokingly calling it "MainDale". I also started filling in on bass for Mainsail. Check them out asap they're great and super good dudes. A lot of big things to come for that band for sure.

     Then I randomly took a gig for Rosedale this Friday April 5th at Himmelberg's in San Diego (cus why not) so if anyone wants to see that it starts at 8pm PST this Friday April 5th. Rosedale is on last at 11pm so please stick around, tell some friends it'll be worth the late night. Here's the flyer:

     Mainsail has a show at Blonde Bar on April 8th which is also a headlining set. From there I'm driving 38 hours back to Toronto to re-import all my gear back into Canada and renew my work permit (as both my bond and permit expire April 12th). Not gonna be fun, but has to be done. I'm technically not aloud to work or bring my gear into the United States until my new permit starts (May 3rd). But Mainsail has some more SoCal shows in April that I might fly back for... or just help make BassDale tracks for. We're not sure what we're doing about that yet. I really need to figure out dual citizenship though. 

     Most of this + more was already covered in the @Palapalooza podcast I did on my bday. Here's the link for that. 

actually here it is:

     Shout out to Troy from Ready Set Survive for spreading his passion for music/new bands and having me and Mainsail Nick on that.

     One last update; I was working on video edits and mixing for a live hometown Rosedale show that I multi-tracked with Zedpromedia on my last tour and I was working off my 2T hard drive (because the files were so massive) and it crashed the other day while transferring that Palapalooza video onto it. I had so much on that hard drive (old videos, shows, pictures etc) and I've been trying to recover the files but it has not been very successful. I got most of them back with a $90 app but they're all re-organized and renamed or Corrupt and the sessions won't even open. The drive is still sitting about 90% full of files but I worry there's no way of getting any use out of it. Unless I bring it somewhere and pay a bunch of money for someone (that knows something I don't) to do their thing. Which I'm thinking I should probably do.

     I guess that's all the updates for now. What have you all have been up to? I really miss seeing friends at shows and hearing about what they have going on in their lives. So feel free to reply here or message me anytime even if you feel like you have NOTHING going on (we all feel that way sometimes). Any new music/Podcasts you've been listening to? Blogs or vids I should check out? And of course, the perfect band name for me?? Let me know! 

Thanks again to Vocal Eze and Westone and Ernie Ball for helping me out so much over this re-brand transition! I'm extremely lucky to have such great support from these awesome companies.

     I also wanna give one last special shoutout to an awesome fan/friend who has really inspired me to get back to writing these blabbering blogs. Mellyssa Woodward recently started a blog that exposes new bands via very interesting interviews. She was hesitant to do it because she wasn't sure if anyone would care. Then she just decided to do it for herself and I assure you that they are so good because she is right in her element with these! I think we can all relate to that on so many levels with the many ideas floating around in our heads. Just go do it for yourself however you would like it to be done! That's what Mel (@AssyllemNaej on insta and twitter) did and here's a prime example of how it can only do good for yourself and the world...and of course my favorite Georgia band, LIKE MIKE: https://notesonnotes.tumblr.com/post/183814739906/notes-on-like-mike

Thanks for reading! Hope to see you in San Diego this Friday night or sometime soon :) 

Enjoy your Taco Tuesday and GET’R DONE! If you’re not having any luck, TRY AGAIN NEXT TUESDAY ;)

[eirikrjs]

What's your writing process like? You're so eloquent (even when answering tumblr asks ... the serious replies, anyway) and it's inspiring me to get to that level.

Awesome, I’m happy and flattered to be an inspiration! Never had my writing described as “eloquent,” so thanks for that! :)

So, I typically write for three different formats, each with its own approach but with some commonalities.

#1: Tumblr posts

Answering Tumblr asks first and foremost always starts with the good intentions to actually delve into the ask backlog. In reality, this almost never happens and I default to the first page in my inbox. It’s not technically writing but choosing asks is key to this whole process. I love ones I can answer in a sentence (or image) or two but many involve taking the time to research or fact-check. I like those too, but if they require too much of an involved effort they are more likely to go unanswered, as I only have so much time. Lately I’ve only been able to do Tumblr stuff after 11PM EST. Though I want to put much of the blame on Tumblr itself because if there was a way to tag or favorite certain asks for later (and save drafts of ask replies), I’d get a lot more done. But hey, it’s a site made mostly for sharing images, so what can you expect?

Ask frequency varies but since this is perceived as a Shin Megami Tensei blog, activity naturally increases around the time of new SMT releases, where I can get 10 or so asks a day, especially if I’m active that particular day. Since we’re in the middle of an SMT drought, activity has really dried up. I still try to answer an average of three per day.

As for my actual writing and style, I personally perceive myself as a slow writer. I believe this is so because in real life I tend towards being a perfectionist with most things I do. I proofread an average length post of 2-3 paragraphs at least three or four times. One of those average length posts will take me about 20-30 minutes to write, more if there are images involved.

Another self-perception is a preference for direct language and communication. That’s why I was surprised you called my writing “eloquent,” as I like to be straightforward and succinct, workmanlike. That said, I also am sometimes frustrated that my English lexicon isn’t grander than it is, so I often use a thesaurus to brush up. But it’s never about interjecting superfluous flair or purple prose but instead the right word that could stand in for three or four others and create better sentence flow.

#2 Long-form articles

Many of the articles I’ve written grew naturally out of Tumblr posts and asks to lengths that would be inappropriate for the Tumblr format, compounded with the problem of Tumblr’s limited (read: single option) image formatting.

When I start work on long articles, I usually go analog and write outlines and other notes in a notebook. Being away from a screen and listening to music helps stimulate my brain. Music is especially important but mostly for #3, below.

After jotting down what I plan to achieve, I often jump right in to Word or Google Docs and start writing the real text for whatever my head wants to spill at that particular moment. However, I burn out quickly here because, more often than not, I like to have properly cited sources to back up my claims and, like the Tumblr asks, researching can take a while! It’s not just about finding sources and pasting in the right quotes but understanding their context and ensuring they are used appropriately in support of an argument. It’s like every college paper I ever did, only I’ve actually cared about these!

Revision is key, as is being willing to trim dead branches. For example, from initial concept to publication, it took me around 10 months to finish all three parts of SMT’s Identity Crisis. Within about three months I had an article that was about 70% "finished,” but it was meandering and amateurish. It had a clear thesis but an inconsistent voice. It was difficult to do but I wrote a new draft that cut out much I previously thought important. It was the right call, the new draft, the current text, was clearer and better delineated. Subsequent articles have logically taken less time to write as I’ve gained experience with the format, all but the Odin one this past summer; it took me almost a year after I kept piling on new ideas, observations, and the silly notion to simultaneously reveal a website and a long-secret project.

All the same vocab and proofreading rules from #1 still apply, though scaled appropriately. I must have read the finalized Identity Crisis a few dozen times before it was published--and I still found typos much later, to my chagrin!

I treat article images as levity providers, something I hope helps retain reader interest throughout what are often lengthy documents. This is influenced by the humorous alt texts often employed by defunct gaming site The GIA, an outfit that probably made the biggest single impact on my games writing. Andrew Vestal’s Vagrant Story review not only convinced me to play the game, likely my favorite ever, for the longest time I considered it the standard for a game review. When I wrote the Vagrant Story piece for Hardcore Gaming 101, I deliberately included images similar to those of the Vestal review and alt texts (which HG101 typically didn’t or doesn’t use) as tribute.

#3 Creative stuff

I rarely talk about my original creations, if ever (I mean, talk about defunct sites--but I promise it won’t always be that way), but they do exist! I’ve been writing creatively since I was 11. Much of it bad, but that’s okay! (You’ll never see that stuff!)

We’re all influenced by the media we consume and I’m no different. For me this most plainly manifests through music, historically mostly video game soundtracks. In the past I would listen separately to soundtracks from games I already knew front and back to absorb the tone and mood of the music, which I’d then turn into various ideas (still mostly in notebooks, though that’s changing). For the longest time I thought listening to instrumental music was the key to promoting pure, imaginative ideas, but since Wisdom Eternal: 1973 is technically a period piece I’ve been listening to classic rock and having just as much luck inspiring the old noggin. It also helps that ‘70s rock influenced most of the game music I like!

The previous point made me realize something: when I criticize modern SMT, for example, I’ve also been unconsciously making the statement “I don’t want this to influence me.” Though, ironically, acknowledging those flaws has been hugely influential on how NOT to approach certain things. “We are what we eat,” and that equally applies to consumed media. Some of my older creative works that I now deem to be bad were the result of a limited pool of influences, mostly JRPGs. Very much akin to light novel-caliber writing and concepts, which are often similarly criticized for their extremely narrow range of influences too often focused on literal conflict and not empathetic, realistic characterization.

This post has been going on for a while, but one last thing I’ll say about my creative writing is just how slow the process can be. It’s slower than writing a research-heavy article, just because the idea or two you need to link certain plot threads can’t always be forced out of your brain. In my case, namely the subject of mythology and religion in a narrative, it’s not just writer’s block, it’s about being well-read enough to know (Y) about a particular culture in order to solve (X) narrative problem. Ya gotta read and you gotta read the right stuff, though what the right stuff is will of course vary depending on your own goals.

This was a fun ask that took me just over 2 hours to write, so I hope it’s helpful for you! Honestly, I could have said more but enough’s enough. That said, in the past I’ve tried adopting other writers’ processes to help my own only to find I couldn’t harmonize with their methods. But it’s something you’ll only find out as you write more and better understand what methods are comfortable for you. I can attest, that can take many years. Good luck!

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[timespakistan]

Army helicopters continue search operation on K2 for Ali Sadpara and team Pakistan Army’s continued their search for Pakistani mountaineer Muhammad Ali Sadpara, Iceland’s John Snorri and Chile’s Juan Pablo Mohr for the third day with helicopters hoping to locate the missing men alive. Gilgit Baltistan’s Home Secretary Muhammad Ali Randhawa shared pictures taken of the K2 on the Pakistan Army Aviation Helicopters during the search operation. Earlier, Randhawa had tweeted that the third-day helicopter search mission by Pakistan Army aviation began at 9:30 am. The secretary had shared the update after the helicopters had reached the basecamp. “Dawa Sherpa of Seven Summit Treks will again guide the helicopters at K2 where to see, possible targeted areas to spot the missing bodies,” said the secretary. He had also warned that the weather was “building up today”. Separately in a Facebook post, Dawa Sherpa shared the details of the search operation. “Today we were able to make search flights all over 7000m by two army helicopters with the help of the Army Aviation 5 squadron,” said Sherpa.  The Nepali climber said that he, along with army pilots and Lakpa Dendi went “through the areas” that they “were aware of”, to locate the missing climbers. “We had less visibility and the upper mountain is covered in clouds. For the last three days, pilots made a great job, out of their limits but we can’t find any clues there,” said Sherpa. He also added that the team was waiting for “another permissible weather and search possibility”. Chances of Ali Sadpara’s survival ‘next to none’, says son Sajid On Sunday, Sajid Ali Sadpara, the son of Muhammad Ali Sadpara, who safely climbed down and reached Skardu, had said that the chances of his father being alive “are next to none”. In a conversation with reporters in Skardu, where he arrived earlier on Sunday, Sajid said: “Rescue operations now only make sense if they are carried out to bring back his body. Otherwise, the chance for anyone to survive at 8,000 metres [after being missing for] two to three days are next to none.” Sajid said that a team of four mountaineers began their climb at around 11pm-12am on February 5 (the night between Thursday and Friday). “Unfortunately, I was without oxygen and at a height of about 8,200 metres in the winter. I felt like my health was getting affected as well as my mental well being.” “My father was carrying another oxygen tank which he offered me to use. But as I began fitting the oxygen mask regulator, it leaked. So, I had to climb down,” he narrated. Sajid said that the last time he saw his father was at the bottleneck at around 8,200-8,300 metres, the most “technical portion” of the climb, at around 11am on Friday. “I’m sure he summited the peak and was on his way back after which he encountered an accident which is why he is missing,” he said. Mountaineers go missing Sadpara and two other mountaineers — John Snorri from Iceland and Juan Pablo Mohr from Chile — had gone missing on Saturday after which a search operation to retrieve them was launched. Helicopters flew to a height of 7,000 metres on Saturday afternoon in their attempt to locate the missing mountaineers but were unable to find any clue to their whereabouts. It had been reported two days ago that Sadpara and his team had successfully summited the 8,611-metre K2 — the world’s second-highest mountain — late Friday, a month after their first attempt failed. However, their support teams had since then cautioned that the climbers’ status is unclear and there has been no communication from their end since Friday. Mountaineers set off on journey Sadpara, Snorri and Mohr had departed for their journey a day after Sadpara’s birthday in the wee hours of Wednesday, asking fans and admirers to “keep us in your prayers”. They had started their attempt for the final summit in the early hours of Friday, hoping to accomplish the herculean feat by Friday afternoon. According to updates posted on Snorri’s Facebook account on Friday, at 12:29pm, the GPS stopped working and had not updated in six hours. It stated that Sajid had to return due to his oxygen regulator not working. “They were at a bottleneck at around 10am,” the account said. Citing feedback from Sajid, the account stated that everyone was fine otherwise and going at a good pace until he had been with them. https://timespakistan.com/army-helicopters-continue-search-operation-on-k2-for-ali-sadpara-and-team/10470/

[kuyarexdelsdiaries]

#TRENTAgether: A KRD Special (Part 2)

(In order to give you the highlights of the vent and backstories itself, KRD will use a timeline of events that is being used in the past coverages and specials of KRD Blog. The EIC woke up 36 hours for the event.)

Saturday, March 2

1pm (5am UTC)- at the house. It was an unexpected happening as I browse facebook in my cellphone when at 1:15pm, (5:15am UTC) i saw a post that my mom’s brother passed away. I didn’t hesitate to know what’s in the picture of my mom crying after she slipped in the bathroom earlier. Few minutes later, my phone rang and my mom talked to her cousin that she will be in San Carlos area to see the remains of her brother.

2:30pm (6:30am UTC)-She left the house with her cousin and his car ready for travel to San Carlos. I realized that my backup cellphone was lef the house and so, i am eager to prepare everything including for the event the next day.

4:30pm (8:30am UTC)- All the bags are packed, all the electricals are unplugged and the house is locked. I want to TheNetCafe (TNC) for some work to do.

8pm (12pm UTC)- I rode the jeep and I walked to San Carlos to see the remains of my mom’s brother, and I ate dinner as well.

9:45pm (1:45pm UTC)- after some browsing and checking comments on my post on Facebook, i rode a UV express going to Crossing that lasted for an hour except some minor traffic woes in the Floodway area and in C5-Tiendesitas area (due to Manila Water works).

11pm (3pm UTC)- I rode a bus to Baclaran in order to keep myself in silent mode. But before reaching to a particular place, I went by a convinience store (Mini Stop) just minutes before midnight to buy Cobra Energy Drink to stay me awake on the wee hours of the next day.

Sunday, March 2

12mn (4pm UTC)- I am at Baclaran Church for some serenity and silence as my personal vigil. (EIC Note: to keep it neutral, i’ll disclose some full details throughout my 4-hour duration)

3:30am (7:30pm UTC)- I left the area and I passed Chowking to change my outfit at their CR. I walked the baclaran area all the way to Taft Avenue where I spotted a jeep going to Mall Of Asia.

4:45am (8:45pm UTC)- MOA Complex. I am at the arena, but I need to change my outfit for good. As the sunrise is approaching, Ms. Cecille see me and she was confused at first, but eventually became right. Carl and Ms. Mona came to the venue minutes later, she asked me if I didn’t ate breakfast, and so Ms. Mona gave me P100 for breakfast as I went by Alfamart just in front of the Arena area to eat Tocino and drink soda for an acid to become good. Ms. Cecille gave me an eggpie slice before I went to the said place. And Carl welcomed me for the 1st time to Angel’s Walk.

6am (10pm UTC)- People started to come in, from ASP Chapters, groupsm organizations, schools, and companies, who slept overnight in nearby hotels and transients, just to make it in this event.

7am (11pm UTC)- the MOA Arena gates are opened, and it was delayed by 30 minutes due to technical problems as people started to enter the venue. The main venue opened doors as the crowd gets filled up. The VIP section is reserved for PWA families, companies, ASP Officers, and some from these individuals who reserved their free tickets via respective Group Chats on Messenger.

8:30am (12:30am UTC, March 3)- The preshow started after a showing of some videos on the ASP ChocolatA sheltered project, ASP-Philippine Airlines special video, ASP HOMEpowerment, and a special vlog by Pia Cabañero, Pia, together with Rhav Lomboy became hosts of the event. Talents were showcased on the preshow as OPM centers the Angels Walk 2019 theme. PWA performers including Splendu Tritus Band, Emman Macaso, Valsped Band, ILLC Hearththrobs and Hunks (The group appears each Angels Walk preshows every year), Thara Marie Santiago (ASP A5 Awardee 2018), and Nica Escasiña.

9:30am (1:30am UTC)- The ASP A5 Awardees were honored. This year’s ASP Autism Angels Achievement Awardees are: Carlo Gregorio Veluz (our KRD Contributor and 2019 ASP A5 Awardee for Visual Arts), Pia Cabañero (Advocacy) and Henry Munarriz (Sports/Athletics).

ASP Inducted its re-elected board of trustee members with 2 newest members of the board and the inaugural officers of ASP Self Advocates  The swearing in was led by DSWD Undersecretary Florita Villar and NCDA Ms. Carmen Zubiaga. The re-elected board of trustees of ASP for 2019-2020 are Mona Veluz (National President), Peng So (National Vice-President), Ces Sicam (National Secretary), Evelyn Go (National Treasurer), Helen Cheng (National Auditor), Grace Adviento, Carmel Almendrala, Marivic Ramos, Joy Ofrecia, and two new members Imelda Alviso, and Donna Lim. The Inaugural officers of ASP Self-Advocates Circle (ASP-SACI) are: Ian Lopez (President), Carl Veluz (Vice-President, Communications), Paul Matthew Somera (Vice-President, Internal) and Samantha Pia Cabañero (Vice-President, Internal).

9:55am (1:55am UTC)- The main program began after the warmup by newly-elected ASP trustee Donna Lim set to the tune of Gary Valenciano’s ‘Eto Na Naman’. A Prayer by Josiah Quirino, son of a Pastor, and the Philippine National Anthem featuring various Angels Walk events across the country. The program opened by Cid Tampo together with 30 students of GS Options singing ‘Kay Ganda ng Ating Musika’ by Hajji Alejandro.

A Speech by the Inaugural ASEAN Prize recipient and ASP Chairman Emeritus Erlinda Koe was followed, and a group photo session.

The ASP Autism Works Partners of the year were honoured. Dohtonburi Philippines was recognized in the Service sector while Willis Towers Watson Philippines was awarded in the learning sector. Also, ASP recognized these poeple who have been a part of the 30-year legacy. 4 of the 11 founders were present in awarding a special recognition to Former President Fidel V. Ramos who wasn’t in the event. He was considered as the Father of Philippine Autism Advocacy. Mona meanwhile presented the ASP Leadership Award to Hans Sy, one of the board of directors of SM Prime Holdings, and son of the late founder Henry Sy Sr. Hans also declared the start of the Angels Walk.

11am (3am UTC)- The MOA Arena was cleared and the walk has begun. Bands (Philippine Navy Band, and MOA Marching Band) gave delight to the 1km walk from MOA Arena to MOA Music Hall. I was bitten by the LSS bug in singing ‘Born This Way’ by the MOA Marching Band. As we approached the MOA Music Hall, the emcee welcomed groups, ASP Chapters, institutions, schools, government agencies, companies, cooperatives, and even a Catholic Church ministry for special needs to the event.

12nn (4am UTC)- after all, I ate luch as I leave the area when my phone gets low battery. All in all, it was a long but tiring day to enjoy as a first timer. But after all, history repeats itself.

Tomorrow, this series will conclude with a special video and a anniversary message from the EIC on the day of ASP’s founding.

[crystalqualia]

Hahaha so my job broke me and I asked to be taken off full time even tho I like, need it kinda, and my managers seemed like they decided they were gonna work with me and keep me full time just train more people so i dont need to work hot side. But uh, i should have known that shit was too good to be true lol. They already have a posting up for the position they wanted me in and explicitly stated you "must be available 24/7 with open availability". Like ok bitch not like I showed up for every fucking shift including every single fucking clopener where i got home at 11pm at best and had to get up at 7am and never got to clean or cook or sometimes even shower :))))

Straight up, I am one of the best employees they have. I was shaky on hotside closing, but only because of my own ADHD issues and not being able to handle all that by myself. Everything else, I'm a goddamn wizard. I worked hard and almost never called in, i covered shifts I came in when I was called in every fucking time I stayed late I closed cold side by myself, I ran that fucking counter for a whole fucking hour BY MYSELF ON A WEEKEND. I made sure everything was done as perfectly as possible and that our slicers and grab and go looked clean and stocked. PPL LITERALLY CALLED ME THE GRAB N GO QUEEN BITCH. I have had several people comment that just from watching for a bit they can tell I work hard and am very good at my job. I'm probably the only fucking reason hotside passed our fucking white glove inspection!!! Fucking put anyone other than me or Hailey and we would have been FUCKED. I knew the answer to almost every question that woman asked and she herself (and one of the managers right under our Store Lead) said they were impressed, esp considering I'd had only worked hotside for a little over a month. I trained at least 3 of our new hires, one of which was specifically assigned to me by our old manager even tho I'd only worked there for like 4 months and there were at least 2 other girls who technically would have been better suited because they worked there longer.

I have spent the last what, 4 months, in a constant state of either stress, depression, sleep deprivation, and straight up I'm sure my iron deficiency issue wasnt helped by the fact I nearly never cooked anymore because I didnt have time or energy. I am so fucking busy and my schedule is so fucked up constantly it is fucking Monday rn and I have not cooked a single meal I bought for myself last Thursday. I've been living on junk food and pizza that Amanda and Noah offer to me every now and again. No one has to tell me (even tho I have gotten like 3x more "hey are you doing ok?"s from Amanda since I started full time) that I'm not the fucking same. I used to love my job. I worked with great people and I was getting great hours and I felt confident in my work. Now I'm just fucking tired and sad and disillusioned with my job. I'm just a fucking number and I sort of knew that before but now I know for sure. You would think they would wanna reward the employees who spend most of their lives at that fucking place by treating them better and accommodating their schedules more but nope you literally sign your life away when you become full time. Might as well sign with ur own blood.