decadenceandrot

[decadenceandrot]

Sleep is particularly elusive tonight…., like a bandit in the night…… in Barcelona…… in the summer of 2012……

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Had to explain that different cd and dvd players sound different to me…. Not just in sound and audio quality that they put out, but also the sound of the components moving around to read said media. Kind of like how the sound of electricity has its own sound, particularly when there’s different levels of power being delivered.

Am I insane? Is it just me? Idk man…

[this is particularly in regard to how the Xbox X cd/dvd Reader Sounds similar if not the same as the original Wii one, but is different from other Blu-ray or cd players etc]

[decadenceandrot]

Once again aching at the fact that my amp that my dad passed down to me on his passing was just…. Thrown away.

Doesn’t help that it was legit the best sound I’ve ever gotten out of an amp, and this is the starting price to try to find another one :,)

At this point my guitar seems like the cheapest thing to replace…… 😭

[decadenceandrot]

In all honesty it's so strange seeing this influx of people liking House MD. Like..... I know it's been popular for a while, especially back in like 2013 when I really got into it.

Now it's like I'm chilling watching it and when House makes a joke at Wilson's expense then I'm joined by the chorus of laughter of an amphitheater that I did not know was behind me.

Seriously what happened that I'm not aware of 😭

[decadenceandrot]

To be known is to exist in ways outside of your control.

[decadenceandrot]

This was advice I was giving to a friend. I feel like I kinda ate with this advice, so I’m posting it here for all those who feel like their struggles aren’t “as bad as” other people.

Sometimes people may try to trivialize and invalidate disabilities, but that does not negate them being disabling. Don’t compare yourself or feel guilt or shame over your struggle not being “as bad” as other people’s. There’s always someone who has it worse, so stop for a moment, acknowledge your struggle, accept it, and take care of yourself. ❤️

(The text in the image reads: “Bestie there's always someone out there who has it worse and someone who has it better.

What does that leave everyone else with?

"Not being bad enough" or "not being good enough"?

No.

We all have our struggles and they all affect us differently, but they're just as real.

Comparison will not help you get better.

Nor will it make you feel better.

Shame is not a motivator for progress.”)

[decadenceandrot]

I come home from college to find my record player, guitar, and amp thrown away. Without any word. I’m sad, angry, and defeated. I know these may not be the most important items in the world, but they are special to me, the amp and guitar being from my dad who passed a few years ago.

I’ve thought about every way the conversation with my mom would go. “You shouldn’t have left them”, “how was I supposed to know they were yours?”, “You have enough stuff already”, “I needed the space”, “this is my house”. No matter the outcome, or my “counterpoints” in this recycling debate, it’s just a loop we end up in over and over. I’m tired of it. I have suffered worse before, sure, and this definitely isn’t the first time this has happened. But it feels like every time I try, I get my footing ripped out from under me. I want to try to get a life, get my education, take care of my health, do things, but I always feel like I’m never on solid footing. I want to achieve, to grow, to change, to heal, but I’m stuck standing still, afraid my step will break the only ground I have.

And in my sadness I am reminded that there is no way of truly having a right to exist when you are never allowed to take up the space to do so.

[decadenceandrot]

Can I just say that I hate interstitial cystitis with a BURNING passion (no pun intended)

Legit it is a hell I wouldn’t wish on the people I hate most. I’d rather be stabbed. And I mean it. The level and type of pain that it inflicts is debilitating. I’ve experienced my fair share of injuries, illnesses, and disabilities, and holy hell, most things seem like a walk in the park in comparison. With some I could at least move or talk to people or do things.

It’s Extra Bad(tm) when you add in hypertonic pelvic floor. Plus keeping track of the foods that activate it like some hellsent sleeper agent is Not Good, not to mention triggers CHANGE. And when it hits, oh golly gee….. can’t walk, can’t move, just AGONY with extra toppings of vomiting, sweating while cold, dizziness and delirium, and freaking blood, on top of whatever flavor of the day may get added.

This isn’t like most of my posts thus far, so sort bout that. But holy hell this shit is NOT fun.

Idk if anyone out there got any pro tips, but here’s some stuff that I usually do (despite it not working rn rip):

- drinking water (obvious first step, I know)

- heating pad or hot bath

- certain stretches/yoga (modified child’s pose, happy baby, etc)

- some meds (bladder shots are…….. hm. But I do like urogesic blue. Some ppl use muscle relaxers and even some antihistamines)

- if you use pads/tampons, preserve/fragrance/chlorine free ones usually are best (as a preventative measure)

[decadenceandrot]

Sometimes I feel like tumblr is where so many ideas are born and Twitter is where ideas go to die

[decadenceandrot]

I can hear the trains in the distance tonight.

It’s nice.

[decadenceandrot]

It takes a real sicko to steal someone’s toothbrush

[decadenceandrot]

I am a fool. An ignorant buffoon. I thought I would be fine if I had a modicum of gluten. No. Such is not the case. I have blundered so heavily my own maker looked upon me in disdain, mocking me for attempting to tread in Their domain. My pride has brought me face to face with my maker and They are disappointed. My blight is irredeemable and now I must face the consequences of mine own actions. Fate is a cruel mistress and I have drawn her ire.

[decadenceandrot]

What if I just learn coding, how to draw, 3D design, and all of that just to make a Trigun video game. That one announced in 2002 or whatever for the PS2 never got released or even finished, so I guess I gotta fucking Thanos “fine…. I’ll do it myself” this shit.

[decadenceandrot]

After not using social media for a while and noticing an increase in my attention span, it’s been so wild being around my friend who is on TikTok 24/7. They’ll play a video game, and even if there’s a 10 second delay after dying or something like that, they’ll look at TikTok. It’s so wild. I love being around them, but now it’s somewhat overwhelming and overstimulating to be around that. I never downloaded TikTok itself, but I have used Instagram and the like. I don’t mean anything bad against my friend, but it was just something I noticed and something that makes it hard to hang out with them.

Idk just stuff I been thinking about.

[decadenceandrot]

Pinterest is a special kind of site that will probably exist past the death of our universe.

I’ve been on Pinterest (and tumblr) for a WHILE. Probably about a decade give or take, regardless of the account I use or if I’m lurking and just viewing things or posting myself. On one hand, Pinterest has all the expected “arts and crafts”, “interior design” inspiration, varying “aesthetics”, fashion, food inspo, and the usual inspirational quotes. But if you stay a while and start looking, you’ll see that almost every form of artistic form (or Fanart) has been uploaded there. I’ve known some artists say that they know they’ve “made it” when they see their art on Pinterest. Unless it’s 18+ cuz that site is fairy stingy with even HINTS of adult fun times What’s funny about this brings me to another aspect of the site: the COMMENTS. Now, comment sections aren’t new, and there’s nothing particularly amazing about Pinterest comments either. On art posts, a lot of people will who the artist was in the comments. What’s funny about comments on Pinterest is the time in between comments and ESPECIALLY responses. There are comments on pins from almost a decade ago with questions that got answered A MONTH AGO. No one says anything about it, and no one really cares either. It’s a liminal space of things just EXISTING, all simultaneously easy and hard to find. I also want to add that the translation feature in the comment section has been better than Twitter, Instagram, or any google translate I’ve used thus far and I find that HILLARIOUS

If you see the art, you’re one hop and a skip away from the full fledged Pinterest experience. This is where you see the memes, snippets of reddit posts, and ESPECIALLY tumblr posts. A lot of the tumblr posts are also in the original tumblr format too, which makes for a WILD viewing experience on a site that so clearly compresses the images so that some of these are too blurry to even read, yet people pin them anyways. There are the obvious biggest-gaudiest-patronuses, i-am-a-fish, the whole CATEGORY of superwholock, and so on, but ultimately there’s kind of EVERYTHING. I’ve found some of my best memes and most cursed images there, along with finding tumblr posts that aren’t even ON tumblr anymore.

This is where I get to my point: Pinterest is the catch-all. EVERYTHING ends up on there, one way or another. Pinterest acts as both a blank slate that can offer ANYTHING you seek, but at the same time is an archive that is void of any sense of time or space. Pinterest is the archive where things go to perish. If something is gone from the main web or social media or the like, so long as it can be an image or short video, it will somehow be on Pinterest in one way or another. FINDING it is the only struggle you will face. It serves as both a place to keep that which is archived there alive, but also as the digital tombstone of what was. Pinterest is where all things end up, and it is the place where all things die.

Pinterest is a wild place. You should visit sometime.

[decadenceandrot]

I just really like dogs :)

[decadenceandrot]

At what point will the people shouting about the unfairness of the so called “trans panic” realize that they are just claiming that men (or those who were assigned male at birth) are superior to everyone else.