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dreamwritesimagines · 1 day ago

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Declassified [14] - Warmth

A.N: I'm back from my vacation, my loves! Thank you so much for your wonderful support and your patience, you are amazing🩷 I hope you like this chapter as well! 🥰 And please let me know what you think! 🩷

Pairing: Congressman!Bucky x Female!Reader

Summary: Lying is necessary sometimes.

Warnings: Explicit language, adult themes, MDNI.

Word Count: 5.4k

Series Masterlist

You weren’t used to sleeping long hours.

Maybe it was the extreme amounts of coffee and energy drinks you consumed during the day, maybe it was the stress, or maybe it was because you kept waking yourself up to write down whatever you wanted to remember in the morning about the schedule or the drafts or anything you were working on. You would usually wake up around dawn short of breath with your heart pounding in your chest with anxiety so this—

This felt new.

The bright light spilling into the room from the window and wrapping you in its warmth penetrated through the haze of sleep, making you heave a sigh. You knew you were supposed to get up, but your body was exhausted as if you had run a marathon and your muscles ached in protest the moment you attempted to move your arm, making your eyes flutter open.

…Oh.

Your heart starting to pound in your chest had nothing to do with anxiety this time. A smile lit up your face, butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you lifted your head very slowly from Bucky’s chest. You were practically draped on him and he was holding you close to his body with one arm while his vibranium arm was thrown over his eyes to block the sunlight, his hair all messy. You let your eyes roam his muscular chest, going down to his abs until you saw the sheets covering his waist, biting down on your lip. You stole a look at his face but before you could decide on what you wanted to do, his lips curled into a small smile.

“Good morning to you too.”

Your stomach did a happy flip at his raspy voice.

“How did you know I was staring?”

“You can’t tell when someone is staring at you?”

“No.”

He lifted his arm to look down at you, his blue eyes gleaming with mischief.

“That explains a lot,” he murmured, his fingertips grazing your spine. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you whispered, your smile getting bigger and you pulled yourself up to brush your lips against his. His hand went up to cradle the back of your head as soon as you pulled back to steal another kiss from you, making you giggle.

“Sorry if my staring woke you up.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be. And you didn’t, I’ve been awake for a while.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because I dreamt about this way too many times,” he said softly, coaxing a smile out of you. “I was enjoying it.”

You hummed, resting your chin on his chest and looking up at him while his fingertips trailed your spine, wakening goosebumps on your skin. You could swear your heart was melting when you saw that soft light in his eyes and you heaved a sigh, then tapped your finger on his chest.

“Still warm?”

A lazy smile curled his lips.

“Yeah,” he rasped out and gently tapped his finger on your temple. “Still quiet?”

The voice in your head. The one that kept saying no one would fall in love with you.

You paused for a moment, then nodded your head. “Yeah.”

Bucky’s eyes raked over your face as if he was trying to read your mind. “Do you feel okay?”

You licked your lips.

“I feel… hazy?” You tried to find the right words for the pleasant warmth surrounding you and settling into your mind. “I feel good and sore and tired and well-rested at the same time, it’s strange.”

“I mean we were up until after midnight,” he said with a grin, making your cheeks burn. “I still cannot believe you thought we’d go to sleep after the first—”

“In my defense,” you cut him off. “I’m used to like, five minutes, okay? Not—” You paused, deep in thought. “Not however many rounds it was. I don’t even remember when I went to sleep, when did we go to sleep?”

“You were murmuring about how we should move to a small town and do this day and night, then you fell asleep mid-sentence,” Bucky said helpfully, still grinning as if he couldn’t hear your embarrassed whine. “It was adorable.”

“Stop.”

“Funny, I seem to remember you saying the exact opposite.”

“Bucky!” you exclaimed, making him chuckle.

“Just saying.”

“Hold on,” you said when the thought hit you. “I slept very late, why do I feel well-rested? What time is it?”

Bucky checked his wristwatch. “Eleven.”

“It’s not eleven.”

“It is.”

“I slept until eleven?!” you asked, panic shooting through the haze in your mind. “I haven’t checked my phone in hours, it’s almost afternoon? Oh my God, I have to—”

“Nope.” Bucky stopped you before you could push the covers off of you and pulled you back into the bed by your arm before he settled between your legs, making you giggle.

“Bucky!”

“Don’t.”

“But I need to check—”

“The world didn’t catch fire while we weren’t looking.”

“But—”

“Just let me have you to myself a little more,” he murmured, his thumb caressing your cheekbone. “Before I have to share you with the rest of the world.”

Your eyes fluttered close when he brushed his lips against yours, coaxing a pleasant sigh out of you, then you gazed up at him, painfully aware of just how love-struck you looked. You reached up to fiddle with his dog tags so that you could distract yourself and smiled when he nudged your nose with his.

“I didn’t think…” you trailed off and laughed. “Might as well finish the sentence here.”

“You always think.”

Your eyes darted over his face. “Why wouldn’t you tell me earlier?”

“About the time?”

“About this.”

“You know why,” he murmured. “I kept telling myself that if I touched you, I’d get blood on you. I still think that, I’m just…”

He paused as if the thoughts storming in his mind were too much and you raked your nails through his hair, the simple gesture making him close his eyes in bliss before he forced himself to open them again.

“I’m too selfish to fight it anymore,” he admitted and you shook your head.

“That’s not true.”

“Birdie—”

“You’ve been pointing me in the direction of the nearest exit since last night.” Your voice was just above a whisper as you cupped his cheek so that he could look you in the eye. “I’m not going that way.”

He swallowed thickly, his blue gaze locked in yours as if he was trying to assure himself you were telling the truth.

“You should.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I won’t.”

He turned his head to press a kiss into your palm, warmth spreading in your ribcage. He heaved a sigh in deep thought, his brows pinched in a frown and you ran your fingers over the stubble on his cheeks.

“Hey,” you said, your voice quiet. “Where did you go?”

He let out a breath, blinking a couple of times as if he was trying to focus.

“I’m here,” he said. “I’m here, trust me. I was thinking about Sarah.”

You raised your brows, grinning. “While I’m naked under you, Barnes? Wow.”

His eyes widened. “No no—”

“Talk about lovebombing—”

“That’s not what I meant!” he cut you off in a rush. “No it’s just, she said something the other day about you and me, that’s all.”

You hummed, playing with his dog tags. “What did she say?”

“She said maybe all that stuff happened in the past because I was meant to meet you here.”

Your heart skipped a happy beat. “And do you agree?”

“One hundred percent,” he said. “Do you?”

“Yeah—I mean don’t get me wrong, what happened to you was terrible, all those decades,” you added. “I wish they didn’t happen but when I think about you in the 40s and me being here, imagining not meeting you or being with you…”

Even the idea was way too heavy for your heart and you shook your head, an ache appearing at the back of your throat. He stroked your hair before he ran his knuckles over your temple, and brushed his lips against yours.

“I’m here,” he murmured. “We both are.”

You looked up at him, your brows furrowed. “But are you happy about it?”

He tilted his head in confusion and you took a deep breath.

“Because you know, what happened with Steve Rogers and going back and like, he went back the minute he could and—”

“That’s very different,” he cut you off. “And I wouldn’t go back.”

“Even if you could?”

“Yeah. Even if I could, I wouldn’t.”

“But your best friend did.”

Bucky thought for a moment, then licked his lips.

“I think Steve was always meant to go back because he had someone waiting for him in the past,” he said. “I was meant to go forward because I had you waiting for me in the future.”

Despite the tears stinging your eyes, a smile lit up your face and you pulled him down for a kiss, but before his lips could touch yours the loud growl of your stomach let both of you know just how hungry you were, making him pull back with a chuckle while you scrunched up your nose in embarrassment.

“Jesus…” you muttered. “So uh, funny thing when you’re not a super soldier, after burning energy you need fuel.”

“Oh is that right?”

“Mm hm.”

“This is proving to be a very enlightening morning,” Bucky told you with an overly serious expression on his face before he smiled. “Come on, I’ll make you breakfast.”

“Or—” You stopped him before he could get off of you. “Or we have sex, then we have breakfast. Burning more energy and stuff.”

He hummed. “Or we have breakfast, and then we have sex.”

“Or we have sex and then we have more sex,” you pointed out. “That’s also an option. I mean what’s breakfast anyway?”

“The most important meal of the day for someone who, and I quote, is not a super soldier.”

“I didn’t say you could use my words against me,” you grumbled as he pecked you on the lips and got up. You couldn’t help but gawk at his chiseled body while he got dressed, then turned to shoot you a smug grin.

“You’re staring again.”

“I’m staring romantically,” you defended yourself when he came to kiss the top of your head. “There’s a difference.”

“I’ll take your word for it darling,” he teased you as he walked out of the room and you heaved a sigh, then pushed the covers off you.

“Breakfast it is,” you said and paused for a moment. “Actually, shower and breakfast it is.”

Staying away from your phone for more than an hour was something you couldn’t even comprehend, and it seemed that the outside world agreed. You had so many notifications and texts, so after you took your shower, got into one of Bucky’s shirts and went to the kitchen, you decided to get it over with.

Hence Caleb yelling at you on the phone.

“We didn’t push you out of the loop—you’re literally in the loop!” you insisted while he let out a scoff of disbelief. “You’re one of the what, like three people who knows about this?”

Bucky looked over his shoulder to mouth “four” and you nodded.

“Four people,” you corrected yourself as he returned to the food on the pan so that it wouldn’t burn. “Four people, that’s the loop.”

“You told Kels and didn’t think to tell me for the whole day!”

“You were busy with the PR thing.”

“That’s such a bullshit excuse,” he insisted as you leaned back to the kitchen island. “And technically, I’m the first person who’s supposed to know about this. It’s literally my job—you guys aren’t planning on walking outside hand in hand right?”

“I haven’t lost my mind, thank you for asking,” you retorted while Bucky put the food on the plates, then extended his hand to motion at you to give him the phone. “Bucky wants to talk to you.”

You handed him the phone and jumped to sit on the kitchen island as Bucky took it to his ear.

“Caleb,” he said. “Don’t call her or me until tomorrow, talk to you later.”

He hung up, making your jaw drop.

“Bucky!”

He shot you a mischievous grin and put the plate into your lap. “The food was gonna get cold.”

You let out a laugh and grabbed your fork to dig in, your brows shooting up in surprise as you chewed.

“Holy shit, this is good. I might in fact revise my stance on breakfast.”

“You should,” he said with a smile, then took a sip of his coffee. “So I was thinking.”

You hummed.

“Tomorrow, after we’re done, we could grab dinner and—”

“Grab dinner outside?” You cut him off and he frowned as if you were asking a rhetorical question.

“Yeah?”

Ah.

This was going to be interesting.

You swallowed your bite, then pursed your lips and put your plate aside so that you could sit up straighter.

“Bucky…” you trailed off and took a deep breath. “You do realize that we are going to need to keep this a secret for the time being, right?”

Confusion pinched his brows together. “Why?”

Hazel was right, Bucky really didn’t see it.

“You’ve seen how people reacted to that pic of us at the pub.”

“But that’s because I was in a relationship,” Bucky told you while you shook your head. “People thought—”

“That’s not only because you were in a relationship.” You cut him off. “It may have been a contributing factor, but it wasn’t the real reason. I work for you, people will have a lot of opinions about that.”

“Who cares?” he asked. “If they have a problem with it, they can bring that up with me.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“It is.”

“It really isn’t,” you said. “Listen, if this gets out, none of my accomplishments will matter. Everything that I’ve done will stop being mine and turn into…like, you handed them to me because I was sleeping with you.”

“That’s not—”

“And everything that I’m doing in the congress right now? Everything that has my name on it will be because I’m sleeping around—and before you say anything,” you said when he opened his mouth to argue. “You can’t beat people up for thinking that because that’ll be the whole country, give or take.”

He gritted his teeth in annoyance, his lips pulled into an adorable pout.

“But we’re in love,” he insisted as if that had the power to change the entire world, making you smile.

“I know that,” you said and reached to take his flesh hand between yours. “But the rest of the world won’t see it that way.”

He heaved an impatient sigh, his jaw clenching and you squeezed his hand.

“Trust me on this?” you asked and he nodded after a moment of hesitation.

“Okay,” he muttered. “What’s your solution?”

“Waiting, for the time being,” you said. “I need to talk to Caleb and come up with an actual plan, but either way, we can’t really be seen together while I’m working for you.”

His brows knit together— a telltale sign of him being in deep thought— before he nodded again.

“Yeah.”

You couldn’t help the smile twitching your lips. “You don’t like it.”

“I don’t,” he admitted. “At all, but I’m not gonna do anything that might end up with you getting hurt, in any way. So okay, let’s keep it a secret.”

Warmth spread inside your chest and you pulled him down for a kiss but as soon as you did, Alpine jumped on the counter before getting on your lap, purring. A laugh escaped you and Bucky picked her up easily to drop her to the floor.

“Down,” he said and turned to kiss you again, but Alpine jumped into your lap once again, this time blinking up at Bucky as if daring him to pick her up again.

Bucky shot her an exasperated look. “Are you serious right now?”

The only answer she got from Alpine was her kneading your legs before she curled into a ball, still purring.

“She’s so cute!” you said, running your fingers through her fur and Bucky shook his head.

“Unbelievable,” he said. “Alpine, down.”

“Don’t use that voice with her, she’s a princess!” you argued. “And she missed me.”

“Makes two of us.”

“She hasn’t seen me since last night!” you insisted as Bucky picked her up to put her down to the floor again, and before she could jump up, he had already hoisted you into his arms, making you squeal.

“Bucky!”

“Don’t blame me, she’s not leaving me with many options here,” Bucky said as he carried you to the bedroom and closed the door before Alpine could get in, making you gasp.

“That’s mean!” you protested. “You’re being mean!”

A giggle escaped you when he put you down on the bed and settled between your legs, looking down at you.

“I’m being mean?”

“Very, very mean,” you teased him and he hummed, nuzzling to the crook of your neck for a moment before he helped you get out of his shirt, then started kissing his way down your body.

“Well,” he said as your breath caught in your throat, your head hitting the soft pillows. “Better make up for it, I guess. Can’t have my girl think I’m very, very mean.”

Despite Bucky’s attempts to convince you, you knew you couldn’t spend the night at his place so eventually you went back home. Kelsey and Caleb had one hundred questions and you were very excited to tell them everything, so by the midnight, you were still sitting on the floor drinking wine.

“I can’t believe you guys told each other you loved each other before you had sex.”

“Well, that actually fits the era he’s from,” Kelsey told Caleb who shrugged his shoulders.

“You’d have to waterboard that information out of me before sex.”

“In my defense, I didn’t plan it,” you said, taking a huge sip of your wine. “It just slipped out.”

“Before he slipped in.”

“Caleb!”

“Bad innuendos are my way of revenge.” He tilted his wine glass in your direction. “You’ve just made my life so much harder.”

“We’re keeping it a secret,” you reminded him. “For the time being.”

“Please, one look at your face and people will be able to tell you got laid.”

“No!”

“You have that I had multiple orgasms for the first time in my life look on your face.”

“It was for the first time in my life,” you admitted. “But I don’t have that look on my face!”

“He’s got a point,” Kelsey said. “We need to be extra careful with you two because something tells me Bucky won’t be subtle.”

“We’ll be very professional.”

“Very professional my ass,” Caleb said and snapped his fingers. “Oh, we forgot to tell you! Kels also got laid last night. I’m beginning to feel left out at this point, like I’m a priest or something.”

“That journalist guy?” you asked her and she nodded.

“Yeah, I called him to the club and then…” She waved a hand in the air and you raised a brow.

“And? Was he good?”

“I’m thinking about calling him again sometime this week so yeah.”

“But he’s a journalist,” Caleb repeated. “Journalists can’t be trusted.”

“The only thing I’m sharing with him is dirty talk,” Kelsey reminded him. “I’ll be fine.”

Caleb opened his mouth to retort but all three of you turned your heads when the doorbell rang.

“Uh…” Caleb said. “Were we expecting anyone?”

“Not me. Birdie?”

“Nope.”

Caleb stood up, Kelsey and you following him suit and he made his way to the door to look through the peephole.

“What the fuck?” he muttered and turned to you. “It’s your father.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach. “What?”

“Do I—do I open it?” he whispered while you tried to control the panic churning your insides, taking a shaky breath and willing yourself to think clear.

There was no way your father could know what happened last night.

No fucking way.

You nodded your head and Caleb opened the door, Kelsey reaching out to squeeze your arm in an attempt to assure you as two bodyguards walked into the apartment, your father soon joining them.

“Hi Pumpkin.”

“Dad.” You tried to keep your voice calm. “What are you doing here?”

“You haven’t answered my calls or my texts the whole day.”

Shit.

“Oh—” You cleared your throat. “Yeah, my battery died.”

He hummed, his eyes darting around the living room. “You don’t have a couch?”

“Um…”

“We’re following the minimalism trend,” Kelsey came to your aid while Caleb nodded.

“Yeah, we’re against the uh—consumerism culture and everything. We watched a tiktok documentary.”

Your father raised his brows.

“Interesting,” he commented. “And do you guys happen to have a place in this…cozy apartment where we can talk in private?”

You motioned at your door and walked to your room with him following you, then closed the door after him.

“I don’t remember telling you where I lived,” you said and he gave you a reprimanding look.

“Honey.”

You crossed your arms, leaning back to the door. “Right. Stupid question.”

“This place is a shoebox—you know you and your friends can move into one of my condos, right?”

“That’s not happening.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t understand this relentless need to make yourself suffer.”

“We’ve been over this, I’m never, ever taking your money,” you told him and he shook his head, heaving a sigh.

“Very well,” he said. “I hope you’re having fun with your protest against consumerism, whatever that means.”

“Why are you here?”

“I told you,” he said. “You haven’t been answering your phone.”

“And I told you—”

“Your battery died, yes,” he cut you off. “Doesn’t sound like you, for some reason.”

You licked your lips and cleared your throat.

“Yeah I was just—I was working,” you stammered. “I didn’t even notice the time, and then me and Caleb and Kels were drinking so I just didn’t check it.”

He hummed. “Working on what?”

“Gray’s bill.” You didn’t even hesitate. “Clean energy.”

He nodded his head, then reached out to take Blinky into his hand and walked around in the room with slow, deliberate steps. You hated how he always managed to make every room he was in look like he owned it, like he was this unstoppable force that no one could argue with.

And to make things worse, most of the time it was the case.

“I forgot you had this,” he muttered. “What did you name it, Binky?”

“Blinky.”

He let out a huff of laughter.

“You’ve always had a thing for broken things, you know?” he asked. “Broken or damaged in any way. Always thinking your love alone could fix them.”

You were very much aware of where this conversation was going, but you weren’t going to be the one who brought up Bucky.

You had to be very careful not to raise any suspicions.

“You take after your mother on that,” he said with a small chuckle. “When we were young, I’d always think she had too much love in her heart, for anyone and everyone.”

“It’s not for anyone and everyone,” you corrected him. “All that love she has? It’s only for you, no one else.”

“For you as well.”

You scoffed and shook your head.

“You and I both know that it’s not true,” you said. “You two love each other on a different level. There’s no room for me in that picture other than being an ornament in that whole perfect family bullshit.”

“Everything we do, we do it for you.”

You made a face. “Right. Why are you really here?”

“I thought you’d want to hear it from me that the journalist I mentioned earlier will no longer be a problem.”

Your head shot up and you blinked a couple of times.

“Dad…” you rasped out. “What—what did you do?”

“Don’t worry, he’s alive.”

“Then how did you fix that problem?”

He gave a small chuckle as if he couldn’t believe your naivety.

“Pumpkin,” he said. “You may have unshakable morals, but I’m sorry to tell you that the rest of the world don’t share that sentiment. You just need to throw enough money at them for them to remember their priorities.”

You could feel the relief filling your system and you squeezed your eyes shut before opening them again, running a hand over your forehead.

“Oh,” you muttered. “Bribery. And that was enough?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “As I said. Everyone’s priority is always money.”

“Not everyone.”

“Very few exceptions,” he admitted. “Like my own daughter.”

You nibbled on your lip. “So he won’t write those lies?”

“Him? No.”

You knew that tone. “…But?”

“I can stop the newspapers or sites or the media,” he said. “What I can’t stop is the whispers, Pumpkin.”

“Dad—”

“Look me in the eye and tell me the truth.”

You could feel your heartbeat getting faster as your eyes whipped up to his, the childhood habit of following his every order still lingering at the back of your mind despite you convincing yourself otherwise. If it were any other time, you would’ve snapped at him but considering what happened last night, you had to play along so that he wouldn’t be able to tell you were lying.

“Nothing is going on between me and Bucky.” Your voice was clear. “I swear on grandpa’s grave.”

In your defense, your grandpa would understand.

He held your gaze in his as if he was trying to read your mind, then nodded slightly.

“Good,” he said. “My daughter will not be used and discarded by anyone, let alone Bucky goddamn Barnes.”

That right there was bait.

He was waiting for you to take it, to argue with him about how Bucky wouldn’t use or discard you, or how you could take care of yourself, but you managed to hold yourself back.

You needed him to believe you.

“I respect him, and I think you should too,” you said, your voice completely calm. “He would never do that, but it doesn’t mean I would get involved with him romantically. I know how it goes in this line of work; the girl gets branded, the guy walks away unharmed—”

“He wouldn’t walk away unharmed.”

Your stomach flipped at the stern tone of his voice and you blinked a couple of times.

“Either way,” you managed to say. “I’m too smart to fall for that trap.”

No you weren’t.

As Hazel had once put it, you were the idiot with a schoolgirl crush.

“I know you are,” he said. “But I’ve seen how he looks at you. I just want to make sure he’s not messing with your head.”

“I’m a grown woman, father,” you growled, trying to convince both him and your own insecurities. “No one is messing with my head, especially when it comes to my choices or my career.”

His brows shot up like he was impressed by your reaction.

“Understood,” he said. “Well, I’d better leave you and your friends to continue with your night. Your mother is probably wondering where I’ve been.”

“Tell her I said hi,” you said and took a step as he reached the door. “And um—thank you. I know you did it for your own name and not me, but I appreciate the help.”

That made him pause at the door before he turned around to look at you, and if you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought you had taken him by surprise.

“What?” you asked and he shook his head.

“Is that what you think?” he asked with a chuckle. “I’m doing this for my own name and not for you?”

“Well, yeah?” you said like a question. “No offense but your name and your legacy and everything, I’m beneath all that in the hierarchy pyramid or whatever. Why else would you do it?”

“Pumpkin,” he said patiently. “I’m very much aware of how you see your mother and I, but you are blinded by this…this picture you conjured in your mind, what you made yourself believe. You want to know why I’m doing this? It’s because as much as you hate it, you’re my daughter, and I love you, and my job is to protect you.”

Confusion pulled your brows together while you stared at him and he heaved a sigh, then pinched the bridge of his nose and took a step closer to you.

“You understand how this game works much better than most, despite your desperate need to make the world a better place. I’m not going to stop you.”

The reaction was almost automatic: “You couldn’t if you tried.”

“And I’m not trying,” he told you with a small smile. “But let me tell you something, as smart as you are –and you are incredibly smart—, you tend to overlook certain things.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Which are?”

“You see, a lot of people assume people in power are the ones they can see,” he said. “But I think you and I both know it’s the people who aren’t on the stage who pull the strings.”

You gritted your teeth. “Like you.”

“Like me,” he admitted. “So here’s how it’s going to go. You did very well in Barnes’ campaign, and I admit, he did well too. And he can play the politician all he wants, but he’s not gonna last in politics.”

“Why not?” you asked tersely. “Because let me guess, you’ll make sure—”

“I’m not going to do anything,” he said. “I don’t have to do anything. It’s not in him, Pumpkin. The guy is not a politician. He’s a soldier. A superhero.” He paused for a second. “Or a vigilante. I don’t know, he likes crossing that line a lot. The point is, right now, he’s playing pretend.”

“He’s—”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he cut you off. “But sooner or later, he’s going to realize it’s not enough for him.”

“You don’t know him.”

“I don’t have to know him,” he told you. “As I said, it’s fine. It’s his life and his career, he can do whatever the fuck he wants as long as his actions affect only him. But you?” He pointed at you. “When you enter the picture, things change.”

You pressed your lips together, keeping your eyes on him.

“Forget about my name, and my legacy, and whatever you made yourself believe is more important than you,” he said. “The moment Bucky Barnes makes the mistake of throwing my daughter to the wolves, I’ll pull every single string to make sure his days with HYDRA look like a nostalgic funfair to him.”

You blinked up at him, your heartbeat getting faster as you tried to pull yourself together and he gave you a calm smile, then pressed a kiss on top of your head.

“But of course, this is all hypothetical considering nothing is going on between you two,” he said. “Don’t drink too much, there’s work tomorrow. I’ll tell your mother you said hi.”

With that, he walked out of the room and you forced yourself to snap out of the stunned disbelief pinning you to your spot, then rushed out of your room to go to the living room after him.

“My apologies for the interruption, kids,” your father told Kelsey and Caleb, then motioned at the pillows on the floor. “Please do let me know if you start supporting consumerism again. You’re not mercenaries staying at a hideout, you shouldn’t look the part.”

He left your apartment with his bodyguards following him, the door closing behind them with a click and Caleb ran a hand through his hair.

“We really need to buy a couch.”

“Forget the couch,” Kelsey said and turned to you while you stared at the door, your thoughts storming in your head. “Birdie? What was that about?”

You scoffed a bitter huff of laughter, then shook your head.

“A warning,” you managed to say through frozen lips. “That was a warning.”

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jiaelune · 1 day ago

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୨୧ 📽 <Until You Love Yourself> | HIT THE ROAD EP14

𖹭.ᐟ SYNOPSIS: As a Seventeen member, it is undeniable that Jia had to fight for herself in order to debut as the only woman in the group and succeed in her career. She's faced enormous challenges off-camera throughout the years, but the truth spills as she describes the challenging fights and overwhelming events she went through before and after her debut.

WARNINGS: Self-deprecation, mentions of depression, cyberbullying, hate comments, hiatus, fainting, mental and physical exhaustion, perfectionism, overworking, hyperventilation, trauma (bullying) . Mainly proofread but there might be mistakes . © jiaelune on tumblr . 2025

WORD COUNT: 2.4k

TIMELINE: May 2020

A/N: heyhey! i've been so excited to post this and other writing works, so i hope this post does well. honorable mention to tumblr for not making my links work whenever i link my masterlist/other posts🥰 biggest fuck you to tumblr, thank you.

⤷ 𖹭.ᐟ masterlist . (📎) . hit the road: jia

“I always think of you before I fall asleep. The words you said, the way you looked. The things we laughed about, the silent moments we shared. And when I dream, I'll dream of you. Because it's about you; it's always about you.”

Through hardships and unbearable challenges, Jia has been the soothing sea for the rest of the members. A gentle tide they could float on, silently guided by her supportive and comforting presence. Her altruism was undeniable, and her love overflowed through her actions and kindhearted words.

She's a shoulder they can rely on whenever they need it, always open to listen and understand their emotions. Yet, she rarely opens up to them, labeling her emotions as a "burden" and "distractions" from her professional career. In the face of her fans, in the face of her haters, she knew she'd never be human. She'd never be treated as one, nor seen as one.

Being in front of cameras 24/7 was exhausting. She needed to perform in front of an audience for most of her life without a break. Any signs of exhaustion, unhappiness, or even one moment without a bright smile on her face could cause a grand dispute online. She smiled at all times and pushed her feelings underground to maintain a stable idol image.

"I'm just... tired. It gets tiring at some point, and I've already reached past my limit," Jia confessed, sitting cross-legged on a couch with her hands clasped together as she talked to the camera recording her conversation. "No matter how much you push your emotions away from you, they always come back like an overwhelming storm."

She doesn't like to be labeled as perfect. She hates it. The term traps her inside a cage and surrounds her with unachievable expectations from her fans and staff. The word itself carries a weight too heavy for Jia to handle.

"And I guess that's why I almost collapsed," she continues, referring to a specific Ode To You tour concert. "Wonwoo and I had been really tired before the concert. He was gasping for air on stage and hyperventilating. In addition, I stayed up late practicing and singing the night prior to our concert."

"I strained my voice so much that I felt lightheaded. The stress, the worry, the concern, and the pile of idol work waiting for me were too much to bear. I just couldn't take it anymore. Yet, I kept performing. I fainted after the concert ended. I had a sore throat, my muscles twitched and hurt, and I had such a terrible headache I felt like vomiting every five seconds."

The members were backstage after a sweat-drenching concert, fanning themselves with their clothes and chugging down entire bottles of water to compensate for the energy lost for over two hours.

Then suddenly, an alarming incident occurred. As Jia was stepping down the stage, feeling lightheaded and nauseous, she collapsed and fell into the arms of the staff members who were ready to catch her.

"What's going on?!" Seungcheol, the ever protective and caring leader, immediately showed up to the scene once he was informed of the events. "Where's Jia?!"

The staff rushed to aid Jia and provided her with the necessary care. Her eyes were half-open, her breath heavy and quick, her body exhausted from the nonstop dancing and singing.

Her collapse was to be expected. During that time, she'd been pushing herself as far as she could. In addition, she'd been sick a few days prior. But in order to continue the tour flawlessly, Jia shoved her concerns aside and ignored the clear signs of her body's sickness.

Jia fidgeted with her fingers and thought of a way to voice her feelings, "I just... I think that, at that time, I felt like I was falling behind. I'd been sick a few days before, but I didn't stop. My dance was slower than the rest, my voice was more strained, and I felt like I wasn't giving enough."

"I was like, I trained for this, so I think that's what drove me to push myself to my limits," she admitted. "It's frustrating. The choreography is shaped for them, the dance moves are made with a boy group in mind, and sometimes I just... I can't do it. It irks me so much. It frustrates me so much it makes me want to cry. I don't mean to criticize Hoshi's work in any way, but it just... It's hard for me."

Jia is a dazzling dancer on stage, with a strong stage presence that allures fans to her striking performance. However, success doesn't come with challenges. More often than not, she finds herself in the dance practice room late at night to deliver a flawless dance on stage. From risky, sharp moves that require exhausting physical training to tiring vocal exercises, Jia wants to be on par with the rest of the members.

During her hiatus in the Pretty U era, Jia visited the practice room to watch the Seventeen members sometimes and silently cheer them on, offering her presence despite being mentally and physically unwell. Yet, when she watched them become better and improve more than she ever did, she couldn't help the irritating jealousy, envy, and frustration bubbling up in her chest.

Instead of healing herself, her frustration became unbearable, and she felt the need to reach their level. She felt as if she wasn't enough, that the hate comments were correct, that she wasn't fit to be a member of Seventeen. She herself wasn't worthy of that because all she did was slow them down.

The cyberbullying left her traumatized along with a bad habit of pushing herself to the limit. It repeated in the Ode To You tour, hence her exhaustion and collapse. She sang until her vocal chords stung. She danced until her muscles were sore, and she performed until her heart's palpitations were too quick and her ragged breath became painfully unbearable.

"I'm not used to talking my feelings with others openly. I think this is actually the first time I shared so much about how I feel to my fans," Jia sniffled and wiped the corner her eyes with the tip of her fingers, careful not to smudge her makeup as tears quickly formed in her eyes. "I'm used to having others rely on me, so when it's actually my time to speak about myself, it gets... awkward."

"I always try to be a good role model for the others, so I tend to prioritize their needs over mine. I actually like doing that — it gives me a distraction from my own problems," Jia chuckled awkwardly, not sure how to explain herself properly. "I just... I guess I'm just that kind of person. Not sure who I learned it from."

She is always the spotlight of the group, whether because of love or hate isn't important. Her name is easily found in many articles. From scandals to announcements, from hate comments to praise; she is always the topic. She could never live peacefully because there would always be someone commenting about her.

The Ode To You tour had been a difficult experience for all of the members, and Jia was no exclusion. Despite labeling her feelings as unimportant, the members strongly believed she was just as relevant as them. In the end, they weren't just idols or performers — they were human, and all of them needed to let their feelings out one way or another.

To them, no one is irrelevant. No matter how much Jia brings herself down, the members will subconsciously prove her otherwise. From small gestures like checking on her health or asking if she felt unwell, to powerful comforting moments in which they'd remain silent in an emotional group hug, they prove to her that she is just as important as the rest. Without her, Seventeen would not feel like home.

"You ready?" Minghao asked Jia a few minutes before the performance team went up on stage. Hoshi placed his hand on her shoulders and patted them affectionately while Jun prepared himself to perform.

"I am," Jia smiled and offered Minghao a bottle of water. "It's important to stay hydrated. I can tell you're nervous. We've done this many times before, but if you're feeling out of it, make sure to tell us — and this goes for everyone else."

Minghao shook his head and handed Jia the water bottle, "You need it more than me. I don't want you to faint again. We don't want you to faint again. Dino, Wonwoo, S.coups, Jeonghan, and you have been enough."

Jun nodded and agreed with Minghao, "Let's take care of each other and avoid any more injuries, okay?"

Fortunately, the performance was a success. The cheers from the fans, the encouragement, and the dazzling lights of the stage made her feel alive. She forgot about everything for a moment. Suddenly, the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.

At that moment, she realized she was born to perform. Born to be with Seventeen. Born to be on the stage, smiling and laughing while having the best time of her life. Being on stage makes her feel alive, loved, and cared for. There is no way to describe the beautiful warmth in her chest after hearing the loud chants of her fans and the beautiful view of the ocean of lightsticks lighting up the venue with a mesmerizing hue of blue.

"It's stressful, but it's beautiful," said Jia. "The members are always there by my side. They make me realize that I'm worthy of being in this group, and I am just as valued as the others are. I don't know why it took me so long to realize this, but Seventeen without any of the members isn't a team. We all belong here, with each other, and I couldn't have asked for more."

She could feel her eyes well up with tears threatening to spill at any second. It took so long for her to understand that she's loved, and now that she understands the impact of her presence alone, she can't help but feel emotional.

The staff handed her a tissue and she wiped her tears, but she couldn't control herself for long. She covered her face with the tissue in her hands, let her head fall low, and allowed her hair to fall over her face. It was impossible not to cry when she was surrounded by so much love.

She never saw her true potential, but everyone else did. It is thanks to them that she stayed. It is thanks to them that she recovered from her depression. It is thanks to them and their irritating comfort that persuaded her to chase her dreams. If it weren't for them, she would've given up a long time ago.

When she was at her lowest, when she was at her best, during arguments, and reconciliations. In her embarrassing moments to her proudest achievements, someone was always there, watching. The mutual fondness always lingered. They've been together for so many years that arguments could never last longer than a day.

They make her feel human. They know her, they see her, they understand her. Not through the camera lenses, but with their real eyes. They see her true self in a way no one else does.

"I'm so grateful," she sobbed, an emotional smile spreading on her lips. "I want to be enough. I want to do better. I want my fans to look at me and say I'm a person worth looking up to. I want to be a better person so when I become old I can look back at myself and be proud of everything I accomplished."

Her presence will leave a lasting impression in the K-pop world. Her kind soul will not be left unseen. Once the end arrives, once the good times end, her name will be carved in the music history along with the rest of Seventeen.

Beneath the mask of perfection, underneath the facade of a performer, lies a little girl with a dream. The spark in her eyes shines brightly as she hears the cheers from the crowd. That's a part of Jia that never changed at all. The passion for music never left. It always lingered close to her like a heartwarming comfort that tells her that her efforts were worth it. She is worth it. She made it. She deserves it.

Her path is a journey that is not over yet. There will be challenges along the way, but what she knows is that everyone will be by her side if she ever needs support and that she shouldn't feel ashamed for reaching her limits.

She is not perfect. She is not the ideal idol. She is a human. A beautiful human with flaws and imperfections she needs to learn to love. Every part of her is unique. Each impurity tells a part of her story that only those who are able to see the true beauty of them will understand.

"I want to go on stage again," Jia wiped her remaining tears and smiled wide enough to reach her gentle eyes. "I want to go on stage again and perform. I want to make the most of my life and live every day in a way I won't regret. I love making music. I love singing. I love dancing, and I hope I can keep on doing what I love until I die."

For her, Seventeen is enough. She is eternally grateful for the love and opportunities she received throughout the years. Her strong devotion to her career and resilience to hate comments prove her worthy of her position and a good role model.

"And I've come so far and achieved so much... So, instead of saying sorry for all the times I couldn't keep up with the rest, instead of apologizing for all of my mistakes, I'll say thank you. To my fans, who stayed with me during my worst. To my members, who watched me grow and improve in this beautiful journey. And to everyone who didn't give up believing in me and supported me every step of the way."

Music is therapy. She hopes that one day, she'll be the reason someone wants to be better. She wants to be an inspiration, a good role model, and a person worth loving.

And one day, she'll love herself as much as others do.

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obsessedhoneycomb · 2 days ago

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hii mon! same one who requested the previous endo story. been struggling a little recently (literally cannot catch a break there is so much cramping and blood and all i do is cry). you don’t have to this at all if you don’t want but could you maybe write another endo story? maybe will alex or lan.

you obviously don’t have to but thought i’d ask. i love you much and hope you’re doing well sweet thing 🩵

I wanted to get to this through this week, but today I’m having a lazy Sunday as I’m about to get my period and cramping started, I wrote this little something. Hope this helps you a bit and enjoy 🩵

Also huge thanks for the support, it means so much 🥰

Personal painkiller

Alex Albon x fem!reader

-> endometriosis series

Summary: Your friend Lando invited you and Alex to spent some days through summer break on his yacht. Enjoying the sunshine and some free time away from prying eyes, you let yourself unwind too much and your body reminds you to not forget.

Warnings: alcohol, endometriosis, cramps, period, blood, discomfort, pain, sadness, fluff, love, mentions of hormonal meds, Alex being supportive boyfriend 💙

Word count: 1.2k

—

Lando invited you and Alex to his yacht for the summer break. You were thrilled because it was the first time in years you were able to put on some swim wear and feel confident about yourself, revealing your scars to the sun.

Alex was so supportive, he was always there whenever you felt bad or good. Sometimes you were crying from the bloody periods soaking through your clothes and he was so quick in his decisions to help you out and give you warmth you needed.

Lando was your good friend, he was the one who introduced Alex to you at one of his birthday parties. Long before that you thought he’s gay, hitting on George. You were laughing many times at that.

You laid out in the sun, trying to get some tan, enjoying the blissful moment.

“Hey, darling, are you in for some drink?” Lando appeared out of nowhere on the deck, two glasses with drinks in his hands.

You looked at him with a soft smile. “Sure. Why not.”

Taking a sip, you sat up on the sun bed, looking out to the sea, watching Alex snorkelling.

“He’s like a freak in that.” Lando chuckled, chugging his drink.

You laughed softly, almost downing that drink in an instant. Lando gave you a confused look.

“Woah, woah, girl. With this pace I’ll be going down with my alcohol reserves.” He laughed.

“Oh, it just tastes so good.” You smiled.

—

After dinner you felt slight cramps through your belly which was weird since you took all your meds and probiotics, you started to blame the food.

Sitting beside Alex, playing some cards with Lando, you tried to smile through your pain as usual. Lando noticed your discomfort first. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, taking a sip of a drink and you stopped after that, looking at the liquid. It clicked in your brain. The alcohol. Your sworn enemy through your endometriosis journey. And you were naive that you’re free now.

Alex looked at how you eyed the glass and he took in a sharp breath. “Babe, you—“

Lando was confused, just switching his looks between them, trying to get that unspoken information.

“I fucked up, Alex.” You mumbled painfully.

He then got you close to his arms. “Shhh. No. You didn’t. You just tried to have some good time while you’re relaxed. It happens. Just breathe.”

You clung to him like he was your lifeline. Breathing in his scent it gave you comfort, it helped you to ease your pain a little. You used to say that he’s your personal painkiller.

“Let me get you to the bed. I’ll give you a back massage.” Alex patted your cheek softly with a loving smile.

Lando let out an envious sigh, he longed to have something you two had.

—

Back in the cabin, you took a shower, warming your belly with the spray of water while Alex looked after you, his eyes sharp to be there for you. You had many moments of fainting in the shower in the past and he always made sure you’re alright.

While you washed shampoo from your hair he noticed something pink, slightly red, running down your thighs. He gasped softly, because he knew what’s going on. Something you dreaded to happen while on your vacation.

“Love?” He spoke softly. You wiped your face from the water, suddenly feeling lightheaded.

“What, Lexie?” His nickname made his heart flutter as he closed the distance between him and the small shower at the cabin bathroom.

Alex took in how you were dizzy and he quickly got his hands under your arm, keeping you up. He didn’t care if he got wet, he cared about you not getting hurt.

“I don’t understand what’s going on…” you muttered, taking a deep breath.

Alex looked down to the shower tiles being stained red. “I’m afraid that you got your period, love.” His voice was gentle.

“Oh no.” You had a pain in your voice, disappointment even.

He helped you get out, drying your skin, gently putting your menstrual panties on, you were clever to pack them.

After that he carried you to bed, placing you into the comfortable sheets, feeling like a princess.

You reached out for his hand, your eyes full of tears. His expression was full of worry, laying beside you, cupping your cheek.

“What’s the matter, darling?”

You sighed. “I thought I won’t get my period until we get back.”

“Weren’t you supposed to be free of it since you’re on that meds?” He asked, his hand circling on your hip.

“I was, but you know how sceptical I am… and look at me now.” You shuddered under the heaviness of your emotions.

“I know, baby. But they said that it can occur because of your hormones being out of the place. Or your body just simply can’t handle that meds.” He tried to soothe you.

“It’s so exhausting…” you whispered, snuggling close to him.

“I know, baby. And I’m here for you. For any decision you make, I’m here to pick up your pieces to glue them back together. I believe in everything you think is right for you. You’re living in your body and you know the best.” He kissed your forehead, smiling softly down at you.

This was something you needed to hear. To be reassured that you’re doing the right thing because you had a habit of doubting yourself. That you’re too much and you’re overplaying yourself by advocating for your pain.

“You’re my hero. Speaking about those things that’s happening to you, you’re brave to be heard, to support other women. Your strength needs support and I’m here for that. I’m so proud of you.” His fingers running though your hair, his words making you emotional even more.

“You deserve more than this, Alex…” you mumbled and he abruptly looked into your eyes.

“No. You’re exactly what I want and you deserve to be cherished and loved like a goddess. Because you’re divine and beautiful. I would breathe for you, go to hell and back for you.” He kissed your nose.

It made you feel loved and appreciated. He was the man that cared about you first. You were his priority.

“I love you.” You breathed out. Alex had his smile wide, softly kissing you.

“I love you too, baby.” He whispered against your lips, being gentle, trying not to make you feel uncomfortable.

After a while of making out, you caressed his cheek. “Can you please give me that back massage, like you promised?”

He chuckled softly. “Anything for my princess.”

You rolled on your stomach carefully with a soft hiss, but after a moment you felt comfy. Alex moved behind you, his knees on either side of your thighs, gently lifting the oversized shirt you had on, brushing his large hands over your lower back. Then he applied some soft pressure to the points he knew you’re sensitive at, the hard knots formed there and he gently started to knead your skin with his fingers. Soft grunts coming from your lips made him smile and he knew you feel good.

A few minutes later you were snoring, sleeping through your discomfort and pain, his hands lulling you to sleep after making you relaxed. He took a quick shower, taking a peek at you every while from the shower, then slipping under the sheets beside you, pulling you to his warm embrace. Nuzzling your face to his chest, he knew you’re safe and comfortable and he smiled, sleep taking over him too.

—

Please don’t use my writings without my permission! Pictures found on Pinterest.

—

Tags: @withering-daylight

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