#the US is currently on my list of countries I wouldn’t risk visiting

[fireolin]

Saw my therapist about my arm yesterday and it went well. But she’s going to the US next week for a conference. I said, oh. She said, yeah. Pregnant pause. She said, the numbers are down on last year, people cancelling. I said, well, you’ll probably be fine at the border, you’re white and you have blue eyes. She said, probably, but I don’t have a dick.

This is how perceptions of travelling to the US have changed in the last few weeks. However, Australians have been detained by border officials and sent back here for no good reason even before now, due to the weird culture among a significant number of US border officials who are suspicious of anyone not from the US.

[moral-turpitudes]

Unfinished Business: Part 1

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Slight mentions of past Abuse, Drugs.

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Reader

+ random character/group I made up (Romboldi & The Black Hats)

Word Count: 3,084 omfg I really did the most but I just kinda ran with it.

Summary: Y/N’s current occupation requires her to encounter Thomas Shelby, a man she thought was in her past for good, but as fate would have it, she has to face him once again, because no one can forget a Shelby. 

Requested by: @msbzowy​

Summary of request: “...Thomas lost any contact with the reader and one time while on a business deal he meets her because they’re both involved in the business. They would be fighting a lot but eventually something happens between them and the old feelings come back? You can make it sweet or steamy. No specific deal in mind, just like the general idea! Thank you in advance!” 

A/N: This was requested as a oneshot but I had so many great ideas for it based off this awesome request, so I figured I’d turn it into a 2 or 3 part fic possibly. Let me know if that’s something you’d want to read. :)

Part 1 | Part 2

Y/n walked down the wooden staircase after receiving a phone call, one hand gliding down the rail, and the other holding her suitcase. Her nerves consuming her as she ran down the hall and out the door of her house in New York. The spring air filling her lungs as she quickly walked to the edge of the street, attempting to hail a cab. As she waved her hand out, she smiled as she saw one stop and handed him some cash for his efforts. She wasn’t much for pointless conversation, especially now. She was on her way to one of the biggest meetings of her career, a career she had found herself in only 2 years prior. It was a job most people wouldn’t want, but it paid well, and since she fled Small Heath, she needed the income and the protection. 

Small Heath was a series of bittersweet memories. Seeing her friends at the tailor shops, walking down the dark cobblestone streets, and becoming particularly close to a man named Thomas Shelby. After the war, he got heavily involved in the business, dealing with rival gangs, going after commissioners, committing arson, murder, dealing with bets at the tracks, and breaking hearts most of all. In the matter of heartbreaks, y/n was his first true victim. 

As the cab rolled down the city streets, she glanced out the window, remembering all that she left behind. 

Tensions in the blinders were running high at the time of her departure from the company, back when they had a business meeting with a rival group, the Black Hats from New York. The blinders wanted to transport weapons and ammo for a cheaper price because of recent financial troubles, but they weren’t having it and the Black Hats declined, but not without blowing up one of Tommy’s supply areas. This smuggling shit was risky business to say the least, as these were being smuggled along with drugs.....snow to be exact. The little blue bottles were like gold, taking away the pain of the day while giving you the energy to go on to the next, sucking you in like a rip-tide at sea until you were consumed by the need for more. She had been all too familiarized with it because Tommy struck a deal with a huge supply of it before she left. He didn’t use it often, but Arthur was a different story.

It came as a shock to her, as she had been dating Tommy for a year before everything came crashing down. She was confronted by him at a family meeting saying that she needed to leave, that she had no place there despite her skills. She was a great shot and was helpful on many occasions, but to have her there would pose a risk they weren’t willing to take after they bombed him. So, in true Tommy fashion, he gave her some money, bought her a boarding pass, and sent her on her way to New York to start a new life, his cold eyes staring as he watched her board the ship, emotionless.

This only fueled her need to get back at him, to show him what he had lost, while also proving to herself that she didn’t need him as much as he needed her. She could make a name for herself, even if that meant working for the enemy. 

Pulling up to the brick building, she realized she was now in the belly of the beast, the Black Hats home-turf. She was never seen with the Shelby’s when they visited him in Small Heath, as she was always doing secretary work at Tommy’s place, or perched high on rooftops, aiming at the men below who had came to charlies yard for their meetings. She was always out of sight regarding those men, but now here she was, working for them. She came to them seeking any position, lying about where she came from, supplying them with her forged papers, and even hiding her accent. For as big as this gang was, they weren’t the brightest, as they accepted her in with little apprehension. 

She earned a good living for herself though, quickly becoming their main contract killer. She would travel the country and take out the people on their hit list, and in return they’d provide her with housing and a guard that would check in every so often. 

As she walked in through the heavy double doors, she nodded to one of the guards who let her through into the leader, Mr. Romboldi’s office. He smiled as she came in, fiddling with his golden ring around his finger. 

“Ah there she is...little miss Quick Shot. Nice of you to join us.” He said using her nickname she’d earned among her peers. She could hit a target from various angles and distances without much help and came to like the name she made for herself. Y/n soon nodded and stood at attention like the others, ready for the days orders.

“We have some unfinished business in Small Heath, as I’m sure you’re all aware. It’s been a while since we’ve been overseas, and we’re going to send someone tomorrow to discuss our deal once more as they’ve had recent success in a certain business venture that I’m sure we’d appreciate here.” He said with a serious look in his eyes.

“What venture?” One of the men asked.

“Gin. Buying stocks in it, selling bottles, transporting cross-country, we Americans love our gin and Mr. Shelby has a new supply. He tried to low-ball us last time with the ammo, the guns, and the snow, but I’m going to send him an offer he can’t refuse this time.” He said smirking.

“What offer is that?” Y/n asked, putting on her fake accent.

“You.” He said looking at her. Y/n’s heart sank, as she looked at him and nodded. She never wanted to see him again after he booted her out like she meant nothing to him, even if it was to save-face for him and the company and for her safety. 

“You’re going to get him to supply us the gin and get him to pay us full price for our efforts with this am I clear?” He asked.

“Yes sir.” y/n said. 

“If you fail, we’ll be meeting again under very different circumstances.” He said, an evil smile playing at his lips.

She’s known him long enough to know that he meant he’d kill her or Tommy, and as much as she hated the man who broke her heart, she still loved him at the same time, and she couldn’t let him or his family die over a silly business deal.

As soon as she was dismissed, she grabbed her suitcase and headed off to the boating docks, buying a ticket and boarding the ship. She knew her boss didn’t care when she left, as long as she got there sometime that week. And besides, she was too anxious to wait around for tomorrow, knowing this was time sensitive. 

After the grueling ride aboard the ship, she went into London after going through the necessary checks. She used her alias and made her best impression, and then went on to Small Heath as assigned. When she got out of the car, she smirked as her red heels hit the black soil covered streets. Walking by a shop, she saw a women’s tailor and decided to stop in, buying a well made pant suit. It fit well and was a nice gray color with pinstripe detailing. Looking around further, she decided on a gold pocket watch, and nice hat to match, and then went on her way after buying it all. 

Walking down the street, she saw the Garrison, causing all the memories she had with Tommy and the rest of the blinders to start coming back. They were like brothers to her and despite her bitterness, she still loved them, as they were not particularly happy in seeing her go, as that was solely Tommy’s decision. 

Y/n shook the thoughts from her head, and waited outside the shop, leaning her back against the coal-black wall. While lighting a cigarette and taking a drag from it, she looked off into the distance seeing a man in a peaked cap riding a dark horse, much different than the white one she saw two years ago. As he pulled up near Shelby Company Ltd. He stopped in his tracks as y/n took another drag of her cigarette, looking at her pocket watch.  

“Nice horse Tommy. You’re right on time.” She said relishing in the fact that she could use her normal accent. Her sunglasses and new brimmed hat helped in disguising her face.

“Thank you miss....Who are you?” He asked his eyes burning a hole through her shaded lenses. She smirked and took them and the hat off, revealing her face.

“Y/n...” He said, his eyes growing wide. He immediately took her inside and to his office, shutting the door behind him. 

“What on earth are ya fucking doing here?” He asked.

“That’s not a nice greeting for someone you haven’t seen in two years Tom. But given what happened I didn’t expect anything nice from you anyways. I’m here on business.” She said, walking past him to put her cigarette out. He watched as she walked towards him, her arms folded over her well-fitting suit, standing in front of him.

“What business is that?” He asked. 

“Oh you know, just a little...mafia business back in New York. Nothing too big... except that you’ve pissed off my boss. And now I’m sent here to try to make a deal.” She said making herself at home in one of his leather armchairs. He raised an eyebrow and sat on the edge of his desk near her. 

“What deal? Who are you working for y/n?” He asked.

“The Black Hats. Mr Romboldi to be exact...ring a bell yet? The son of a bitch who took me in after you booted me out without a goodbye? Yeah, him. He still remembers your little low-ball offer for the guns, the ammo, and-” She chuckled as she remembered the drugs. “-the fucking snow.” She said giving him daggers.

He looked down, y/n could see the gears turning in his head.

“I told you to leave and not go anywhere near them y/n. Why the hell are ya working for em aye?” He asked angrily. 

“You and I both know I couldn’t just sit around twiddling my thumbs and making pies for someone I never loved all day. I wasn’t going to be some house wife to some old bastard while I could’ve been out shooting and working a meaningful job. I wasn’t going to let myself rot.” She said, her own voice raising. 

“You didn’t have to choose this life though. You could’ve left this behind like I wanted you to.” He said lighting a cigarette. 

Y/n chuckled. “I remember what you told me one time, when I first started getting involved in Peaky business. You said and I quote, ‘you can change what you do, but you can’t change what you want.’ And you know what Tommy? I wanted this life, I wanted you, I wanted to make a name for myself, I wanted the thrill of this job because I often feel nothing. But I’ve only gotten half of that.” She said getting up, pacing around the room as he watched.

“What did you not get y/n?” He asked too focused on the mafia issue at hand to realize she mentioned him.

“You, you fucking idiot! But you threw me out, no goodbyes, no letters, nothing.” She said, her eyes filling up with tears.

“Y/n...that was two years ago. I was trying to protect you.” He said noticing the tears running down her face. 

“I had a job. I had a life here. I’m not expecting you to ever want me back but god damn it I’d like an apology. Hell, you didn’t protect me from shit.” She said, thinking about some of the things she had to do to get through to some people for her boss. She shuddered at the thought.

He looked hurt, seeing her like that, and despite it being two years since that day, he still loved her all the same, he was just terrible at showing it. He never thought he’d see her again, and in that moment he decided he wasn’t going to let her go again. 

She wiped her eyes as she felt him walk up behind her, she tensed up, not knowing what would happen next. He put his hand on her shoulder lightly, and she turned around to face him, her eyes still bright and hopeful after all that had happened. He loved her, and after she left, he mentally beat himself up over it every day. He turned to snow for a while, along with his opium, but what he truly needed was y/n. Fearing she may be too angry to every take him back, he hesitated as he brushed the tears from her cheek and kissed her. 

Instead of slapping him or walking out, she deepened the kiss, which surprised Tommy, as he pulled her as close has he could, not wanting to let her go. When they parted, lightly gasping for air, he smiled slightly and so did she. 

“I-I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry y/n.” He said stepping back from her.

She looked at him as she processed what happened, she never expected to fall right back into his arms after all she went through, but here she was, being sucked in by his ocean blue eyes once again. 

She straightened her blazer out and pushed a stray hair out of her face. 

“Why did you kiss me Thomas?” Y/n asked taking another cigarette out of her pocket and lighting it. 

Thomas thought for a moment, trying to pick his words less recklessly this time around.

“When I forced you out, I stayed up every night beating myself up. I’ll never get those nights back, but those nights made me realize something y/n.” He said.

“If you’re going to break my heart again just say it already.” She said tapping her heel impatiently. 

“I love you...y/n.” He said looking at her, studying her as she moved anxiously. He loved the way she looked, the way she carried herself, the way she wasn’t afraid to call him out. But he was terrified for the first time in his life that the woman he loved wouldn't return those very words back to him.

She looked down, exhaling a cloud of smoke. “I came here not only because of an order Tom...but because deep down despite my hate for what you did, I knew why you did it. And even though two fucking years have passed, I still haven’t been able to get you out of my head. So, I guess what the fuck I’m trying to say is that I love you too, you bastard.” She said looking up at him a light smile playing at her lips.

He smiled and walked over to her and took her hand in his, kissing it lightly. 

“I promise to never do something so foolish again y/n. I swear on me fucking life...so am I forgiven?” He asked.

She took his words into consideration and nodded, bringing his lips to hers. Breaking away, she walked around the room slowly, remembering all of their fun times in here after-hours. 

“So, about Mr. Romboldi, y/n how serious is this?” He asked.

“Well, he said that you’ll have to pay them full price for their services. He wants your gin. He sent me to persuade you to pay him for distribution and sales in the states......and It’s not easy Tommy, smuggling things.... especially alcohol back to the states........I hate him and his men believe me, but they risk their lives getting that kind of stuff so I think you should consider paying a full price.” She said.

“And if I don’t?” He asked. 

Y/n sighed. “I was also sent here because he knew you couldn’t refuse an offer if it came from a pretty woman. Now, he may have been right on that part, but he doesn’t know that I’ve been working under an alias for him, and he doesn’t know I know you. They think my name is Y/N Anderson, from Virginia. And so if you don’t take this offer, they’re going to find out, and then Mr. Romboldi and his men are gonna waltz in here and kill you, me, and everyone you care about because they’ve already been wronged once, and they don’t like being wronged a second time.” She said sternly, taking another drag from her cigarette.

He sighed and ran his hands over his head, his face growing angry.

“What is it Tommy?” Y/n asked, noticing his behavior. 

“After all this time, I thought maybe I’d be done for a moment y/n. With this whole empire of a business. But I think that moment will never come...before I stupidly forced you away, I had everything. I had this going great, and at night I could sleep. But now, when I do sleep, I dream. And in my dream, someone wants my crown.” He said with a sad look to his eyes. Y/n came over to him and hugged him gently, feeling him relax at her touch.

“Well, I’m here now. And the only way you’re going to get a break and get to keep your crown is if you help me fucking take care of this Thomas.” She said. 

He sighed and took a moment to think.

“Alright...in that case...you’re going to call him from a payphone tomorrow. You’re going to say I accept his offer now that we have the fucking funds to do so, and you’re going to tell him we can meet in a weeks time. We’ll meet in charlies yard again.” He said.

“So we have a deal then?” She asked grinning, still embracing him.

“We have a deal.” He said. 

“So now that I’m here...where shall I stay?” She asked.

“Well, first I’m going to re-introduce you to the family which I’m sure they’ll love. Then, I’ll be taking you to my place.” He said.

“And why is that?” She asked a mischievous smile playing at her lips.

“Because we have some unfinished business.” He said, before pecking her lips and ushering y/n out the door and into the family meeting room.

[phoenotopia]

2020 October Update

So... we've launched. And our launch was... actually kind of... bad...

This is a dev blog, so I'll speak on it. But before that, we do have the game's steam page up. If you're anticipating the PC release, please do visit the steam page and add it to your wish list. It would help us a lot.

VISIT STEAM LINK

...

So what didn't go so well?

1. We launched in Nintendo's Americas and Europe territory. If you've been following the release, you'd know that America got the game first. We didn't move to launch in Europe at all since I thought the EFIGS languages (English, French, Italian, German, Spanish) were pre-requisites for Europe. By the time I learned that this wasn't necessarily the case, and attempted to course correct, the damage was done. We had half the allotment of keys to do outreach, and maybe some European outlets that would've covered us, did not.

2. When the game launched, rather than a victory lap, what we experienced was more of a public lashing. We did get some reviews that praised the game highly, but just as many reviews lampooned the game for its high difficulty or other failings. I've since released two patches (or 3, depending on how you count it) to address the difficulty. A lot of overnighters. If you recall in the last blog post, I thought it'd be a good start if we got 20 or so reviews on Open Critic. But we've only 8 as of this writing, and the aggregate score isn't so hot. So that's a fail by my metric.

3. A publisher reached out to us because they were interested in physically printing the game! Yay! But... to advance our talks, they wanted to see the game's sales numbers to ensure that there's a good chance their investment could be recouped. And unfortunately, the game's sales numbers are pretty low. They backed out :(

Some hard lessons were learned. The biggest lesson for me concerns how well we playtested the game. Looking at the original playtester list, it's a short list. You may recall from a previous blog post that our ability to test was severely hampered by technical limitations. Add to that, a lot of people on this list are objectively really achieved players. We're talking power ranked in Smash Bros, regular tournament goers, and people who've played and bested every Souls game. And as the maker of the game, I am most blind to the game's challenges.

Now, I'm definitely more of the opinion that you prioritize PC development first. I still have some reservations about some stages of PC development. But if you do PC/Steam first, you have the great benefit of being able to do Early Access, which gives you access to a greater testing pool. I now view it as an invaluable part of the equation. If we had been able to do Early Access for 1 or 2 months before release, we probably could have ironed out most of the game's difficulty and balance problems. Hard lessons, indeed.

There were a lot of other notable events that occurred over the past 2 months - the travails of press outreach, realizing my own limits as a developer, feeling defeated and getting back up again, etc. There's too much stuff to chronicle or go into detail. But it wasn't all bad.

Some good things did happen...

We got a publisher to publish for Japan! It came as a huge relief, because clearly, we don't know what the heck we're doing.

The publisher has been an invaluable source of information and feedback. They've recommended some changes to the game to improve user experience. Some of these changes I was hesitant to do at first because they concerned systems I thought integral to the identity of the game. But after trying it, I have to admit, they're good changes.

So a Japanese version of the game was moving ahead. And it looked like that'd be it. I wasn't planning to move forward with any other language translations due to the game's low sales and our funds being depleted. 

But, I was approached by a translator who urged me to move ahead with translations. He told me he was willing to work for only a small price initially and then be paid the rest after from a percentage of the game's sales until the cost of the translation was paid in full.

I was surprised translators were willing to work under such a model since it's entirely likely the game's current low sales trajectory would continue and they wouldn't earn back the full cost of translation. But I was also flattered they were willing to take a risk with me. After that, I approached some others with the same hypothetical deal, and long story short, we're now moving forward with French, German, Spanish, Portuguese and Russian translations. As for why these languages in particular, they were languages for whom I had contacts (because they reached out to me at some point in the past). And also because they were deemed more likely to be profitable based on their home country's gaming market/buying habits. I'd be personally happy to have my native language be represented, but it's not expected to be a profitable territory. But if the game does better in the future, it may justify the costs of translation. There could be a chance!

The plan right now is to get the game supporting these first round of languages and then to patch that into the Switch version as well as launch the PC version with these languages - all in December. A lot of things need to align for this to occur, so a delay isn't out of the question. It'll be busy... I'll update the blog again in latter half of December, probably near the game's PC launch date... OR to announce a delay. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Fan Support

While the past two months have been grueling, one good thing remains constant - fan art! Thank you everyone who submitted. It means a lot to me and the team!

Big thanks to Pimez who's taken on watching over the reddit community as moderator. He also combs the other communities and makes sure I see every new art piece. Despite juggling his own life and all these tasks, he still found some time to draw.

Pimez's piece reminds us that just because the new game's out doesn't mean we can't still celebrate the original flash game. The jail dog is a dog found only in jail and only in the flash game. I imagine Gail is just tossing a stick, and they're playing fetch.

A new artist to this scene æv draws both the Phoenix logo AND a super cute picture of Gail playing the flute. So precious, you want to pinch her cheek. Even the Sand Drake is enthralled!

Another new artist, beet4ppy arrives on the scene with two pictures! One features a no-nonsense battle-hardened Gail looking stoic and tough! Kinda reminds me of Vinland Saga actually. The other, a more cheerful group composition - I must say I'm a big fan of Fran's classic anime-style eye!

A returning artist, Cody G, returns with a picture depicting the tribulations of cooking. Gotta love Gail's frantic expression! I've heard the complaints, which is why we've added an option to slow the cooking mini-game down. An improved button font is also on the way.

Gamesing with two undertale x phoenotopia crossovers. Thomas being a robot builder makes sense taking a role similar to Alphys. But why is Alex dressed like a clown? Perhaps there is a hidden meaning here... 

A new artist, Warotar, draws both a pooki wearing Gail's clothes and Gail wearing pooki clothes. Awww. The pooki is a bit scary - it kinda reminds me of a tragic event in a certain anime. But the Gail is adorable!

POL#5655 submitted this one to KM's discord which made its way to me. Here, a stylized Gail appears unnerved by the dark red eyes stalking her in the background. Are they bats or something more sinister?

A new artist, MilesCPW, arrives on the scene with three rare well-vectorized arts! Love it! One scene depicts Gail balancing a bomb on her head - that's a speedrunning trick I only learned about recently after someone emailed me a video O_O

The other drawing gives us new insight into Katash - he could actually look cute if he wasn't trying to kill you.

And the bees... Okay, this one got a chuckle from me :D

A returning artist roccy_chair draws this heart-warming scene from the beginning of the new game. Aww. Mika doesn't get much screen time for story reasons, so it's nice to see her represented.

UnrealWorld_32 returns with another drawing of Gail in Panselo, this time capturing a more idyllic time. I like the tranquil nature of this piece. And Gail does in fact play the guitar, denoted by the guitar in her room.

Returning artist shafiyahh draws a nice portrait of Prince Leo - looking regal and princely. I like the storybook art style of this piece. It made me immediately think of "the Little Prince" - one of my favorite books actually!

Negativus Core returns with a beautiful group composition of Gail and the gang - flying from a Switch shaped window - totally sensible considering the game is only Switch right now. As usual, I'm impressed by Negativus Core's use of challenging angles to frame a more dynamic shot of the characters. Great job!

And it wasn't only artists bearing the banner. I'd like to give a big shoutout to everyone in all the game's little communities (from the reddit to the discords to this tumblr). I've seen this community help newcomers with gameplay and walkthrough advice, discussions, updating the wiki, and so on. It does bring a smile to my face. Thank you everyone!

[borealis-strange]

Paranoia, ghosts and other sounds

Night 2

Tag-list:

@freesiafields @bambirexwrites @whitequeen-ofwillowgreen @sirenlovesqueen @moreofthatqueen

I woke up hours later. Since the curtains covered the window, I had no way of knowing what time it really was. I stretched lazily before getting out of bed. I still had my clothes from the day before, so I hurried over to my suitcase to get my change of clothes.

I left the room and went down to the first floor. Madame Mercury was in the dining room, jotting down a few things in a notebook.

— Good afternoon, May — Madame Mercury greeted me cordially as soon as she saw me.

I saw the clock, it was almost 2 in the afternoon. Ever since I started investigating ghosts, my sleep schedule was all over the place. I should fix it but I doubt that I will ever get a chance.

— Good afternoon — I greeted cordially.

— I thought about getting up for breakfast but I assumed you were very tired. — Mercury took the notebook away from her — Don't you want to eat? I imagine you must be hungry since yesterday. You didn't even come down to dinner! — Mercury exclaimed.

— Yes ... Would you allow me to eat here, Madame Mercury? — I asked cordially.

— Why wouldn't I allow you? — Mercury said somewhat surprised — Come, sit next to me-she indicated she with a smile. —

That ... really surprised me, but I tried not to show it. In other jobs that I had done, people would not let me sit with them, they would say something like "She is cursed" or things like that. I sat next to Mercury with some hesitation.

Soon after, Joanna came out of the kitchen, carrying a large tray of fish and roast potatoes. My stomach growled slightly at the delicious aroma.

Joanna set the tray in the middle of the table and began serving at three before sitting down to eat.

— I hope you like it, it's Joanna's specialty — Mercury mentioned with a smile.

Joanna just smiled sheepishly. I waited for Mercury to taste the food first before starting eating. The food was delicious, probably because I had hardly eaten anything. I had to behave and not eat like a beast even though I was really hungry, I was with a lady of high society. Mercury found it strange that she had waited for her but she said nothing more.

We ate in tranquility and silence where only the clash of cutlery against plates was heard. I would have said something but from experience, I preferred to keep silent. The hard way, I had learned that people in high society did not like it when one spoke at their sacred meal.

— And how is your… investigation going? — Mercury asked after a few minutes

— Pretty good, actually. The ghost is a young woman, so I don't think it will be too difficult, but if I' may require her help — I explained to her.

— Our help? — Mercury's face turned into one of horror.

— Yes. It won't be something too complicated — I tried to reassure her — I just need you to talk for a moment with the girl. —

Mercury's face paled even more.

— The girl thinks that you invaded her house —I tried to explain, waiting for her to calm down a bit — She's not aggressive, but I need you to talk to her about her… her situation —

— Well ... — Mercury said still not completely convinced — If it is the only way in which we will get rid of this ... mishap —

— And we will do that tonight? — Asked Joanna worriedly.

— I'll let you know when we'll do it. I still need to gather more information on this ghost. —

There was a collective sigh from Joanna and Mercury.

We returned to the enormous silence. I finished eating after a few minutes. I was about to leave the table when I remembered that I still needed something more.

— I also need another favor — I broke the silence.

— Yes? — Mercury asked with concern.

— I need to know who the former owners of the house were —

Mercury breathed in relief.

— The house was sold to me by a guy named Ian Walker, he was quite nice. He said the house belonged to his grandfather — Mercury explained to me.

— And… where does he live currently? — I asked eagerly.

— On Carey Street, next to the library, in London, you know there, right? — I nodded with emotion.

—Thank you very much — I said as I finished writing down the address. — Tomorrow I will try to locate him — I have a couple of questions to ask. —

I finished putting my things away.

— Thank you very much for the food — I thanked as I got up from my seat — It was delicious. You are very good at this Joanna -

Joanna's eyes sparkled and she smiled.

I immediately went to my room, to go back to rest for the night.

_________________

I made my way to the cellar at the same time as the night before, with only a lamp to light my way. I walked among the furniture hoping that the girl would show up without having to call her. That did not happen. I waited an hour and nothing.

— Hello? — I called the girl in a low voice — I am ... Dr. May —

I waited a couple of seconds until I heard footsteps behind me. I approached the source of the noise.

The girl shyly peeked her face out from behind a piece of furniture, as if she didn't want to show herself at all.

— I have come to see how you are — The girl did not move, she just continued to observe me with her big eyes -—Why don't you come closer? —

It was strange to me that after our little conversation yesterday, she was still quite reserved. Ghost thing, I guess.

Regina finally approached me shyly. I sat on the floor and she did the same.

— And what have you done these days? — I asked.

— Rest, as the other doctor told me — Right… — By the way, Why does he no longer come? —

Probably because he's already dead.

— He... he moved to another country — I lied. I didn't even know if he was still alive.

— And why did you take so long to come? — Regina asked with curiosity.

— We had communication problems — I lied rapidly.

— Communication problems? — Regina looked at me confused.

Oh God. I should have said something completely different like… I don't know, something else.

— Yes ... let's say ... He told me very late that he was going to move and it was a disaster when he was ... looking for his replacement — I hold my breath hoping that Regina has believed the tremendous lie I told her.

— Oh. Makes sense —

We lasted a few minutes in silence, where Regina was limited to playing with the hem of her dress. Regina wasn't going to give me the information she needed, I would have to ask for it. I still had the illusion that he would say something, as had happened to me on other occasions. Many ghosts would get excited when they saw someone and they would tell me practically their whole life. That used to make the job easier and it didn't take me more than a couple of hours. I guess I'll have to do things differently this time.

— And how have you felt these days? — I started, little by little I would go with the most interesting things. Regina looked away.

— Bad ... not even my parents have visited me — Regina sobbed as she hugged her legs.

My heart skipped a beat seeing her like this. I was on dangerous ground, I had to be careful with whatever I said.

— Well ... maybe they are busy — I said hesitating with my words.

— They are always busy. They never bother to be with me. Whenever they leave home, they forget about me —

— That ... is not true — I lied. I knew practically nothing about Regina or her family. I wanted to believe she was loved by her parents.

— Of course it is! They never loved me. —

— Why do you believe that? — Even though I knew what he said was true.

— They always keep me locked up in this room. They didn't even mind coming for me when those women got here. They didn't even tell me who they were! — Regina yelled in frustration - It's always like this. They forget that I exist — Regina whimpered covering her face.

Oh my God. I couldn't tell him right now that she wasn't alive, she wouldn't react in a good way. I had to reassure her somehow. But how? I didn't know her well enough to know what to say, I didn't even know her parents to tell her what they really thought. Easily, Regina could tell that I was lying, and then the problems will begin.

— Do you want to take a walk around the house? — I suggested in a low voice. Maybe it would do her some good.

— My parents wouldn't allow it — Regina muttered with some fear.

— I'll tell them it's part of your recovery— I said quietly with a comforting smile. — Besides ... I think it would help you to clear your head a bit —

I got up off the ground and shook off the dust that was on me. I extended my hand to Regina, seconds later she took it with shaking hands. She impressively did not go through my hand. When she took it I noticed how a huge chill ran down my spine. I had never touched a ghost ... It was less strange than it seemed. It was like holding someone's hand, only less warm.

Leaving my impression aside, we carefully exited the room.

Now it seemed that the whole house was frozen by the presence of Regina. Regina looked around nervously. Her house must be completely different from the last time she saw it. Although I did not know if she could have noticed it with the little lighting we had.

She didn't say anything, maybe she didn't notice or preferred not to say it.

Regina clung to me at all times, as if her life depended on it. We got to the first floor, the truth be told, I hadn't planned anything, just to walk around the house or even go to the patio but I wasn't sure that Regina could leave the house. Some ghosts stayed anchored to the place of their death, being impossible to get them out of there. The best thing would be to stay inside, I preferred not to risk Regina finding out about her nature.

— Look! — Regina exclaimed as she pointed to something behind one of the couches.

Regina let go of my hand and walked over to the couch. Behind the couch came one of Mercury's cats, one with orange fur. The cat approached Regina curiously and began to circle around her.

Regina stayed where she was, happily appreciating the cat. The cat sat in front of her and continued to watch her with her huge eyes.

Regina tried to pet the cat but it ran somewhere to hide. This made me wonder, could Regina interact with animals? She had already touched objects and held my hand but who knows if it was the same with animals. They almost made me want to "catch" one of the cats and have Regina pet it. It didn't seem like such a bad idea now that I thought about it.

— Have you had cats? — Regina asked as she approached me.

— I used to have one. He was black with green eyes, he was very cute — I answered wistfully.

— I always wanted to have a cat but my parents never let me — Regina commented sadly.

— Why? — I asked instinctively.

— My parents said that the only thing they will do is make me sick — Regina said sadly — I wish I had one. At least that way I would have a little company —

Strangely, Regina hadn't asked where the cats had come from. Maybe she didn't give it too much importance. Maybe I could "experiment" a bit.

— What do you think if we look for another cat? — I suggested. Regina looked at me with emotion — There are many around here —

We went through the house in absolute silence, looking for a cat. Mercury had mentioned to me that she had about nine cats or something like that, I was too tired to pay attention to her. Mercury said that she let them roam the house freely at night.

After a few minutes, we found one of the cats, a black one lying on one of the ledges. I indicated to Regina to wait for me a bit. I carefully approached the cat. The good thing is that he didn't get scared, he just watched me

I took the cat in my arms. He did nothing, it even seemed that he liked to be carried. I walked over to Regina. Her eyes seemed to glow with excitement when she saw the little cat

Regina moved her hand slowly toward the cat.

The cat seemed startled and jumped out of my arms before running off into the dark. Regina looked at me sadly

— Well ... there will be another opportunity — I tried to comfort her. I was about to pat her on the back but I abstained.

We walked on the first floor looking for another one of the cats but it seemed that they were all determined to hide, probably because of Regina's presence. Cats could see her, I was sure of that but they weren't very fond of the idea of a ghost, I guess.

After searching every corner of the house without much success, we gave up. Regina didn't seem too sad, at least she had had fun while we explored the house.

I let out a long yawn and stretched a bit. Regina imitated me.

— You should go to sleep — I recommended — It's late —

Regina nodded slowly. I took her hand and led her into her room. Regina practically collapsed onto her bed and she fell asleep immediately before disappearing.

I went back to my room. I would have liked to throw myself on the bed immediately but I still had to make my report. With what little energy I had, I approached the dresser and began to write.

“November 21, 1896. Night 2

This time I got a little information about Regina's old life. A girl who, for some reason, her parents didn't want her to see the world. Most likely, she was ill and she couldn't get out of it for her safety. In a way, she reminded me of me, being a sickly girl they never let me leave my house until I was of legal age.

I am rambling too much. Tomorrow plans to search for the former owner of the house in hopes of filling in the gaps in the girl's life. I hope the owner continues to live where Mercury told me"

[helpibrokemybrain]

writing-prompt-s facelessnamelessanarchist Follow

Follow welcomedhappiness Farewell online privacy

Follow tikalgirl What happened?

xdvisyrx Trump happened.

Follow pizzaalle just get a VPN?

Follow earth-ruins You can’t just tell people to ‘get a VPN (Virtual Private Network)’. Buying a VPN is like buying a house. It’s very very important. Having no VPN or having a ‘wrong’ one can seriously damage your life. Especially for Americans because their privacy laws are garbage. I am going to try explain why you should get a VPN but bare with me, I am from Germany and my English is far from perfect. Let’s start with a simple test. Click this link here: https://whatismyipaddress.com/ It will tell your IP adres, your ISP (internet service provider), and your location. The location might not be very accurate, but then again, it’s just a simple website. Imagine what the government can do! So basically, everyone can find out where you live. But there is more danger. Your ISP. Your ISP logs your every move online and they are required to keep it in case the government wants access to it (or if a 3rd party wants to buy your data (yikes). They have everything. What websites you visit. How long you stay on a website. What you download. Your search terms. European laws are more subtle on this but if you are from the US you are #@*#&, especially because Trump doesn’t support the open internet. It’s scary but maybe in the future you can’t get a job because the recruiter knows your searched on ‘how to deal with depression’ or anythings else that’s supposed to be private because it’s your f*cking right. Or you get a $100k fine because you pirated a movie 15 years ago. You need a VPN. You’re dumb for not using one. but what does a VPN do? A VPN encrypts all your data so if it were be intercepted no one can ‘crack the code’ and damage your privacy. Usually being online goes like this (simplified): Your computer —-> ISP (—–> keeps data —–> sells it) But with a VPN it goes like: Your computer —–> VPN (encrypts data)—–> ISP (ISP can’t see shit) Furthermore, a VPN hides your IP address and location by giving you another IP address located in Spain for example (you can often choose from a list and change as many times as you want). Now that you know why you should get a VPN and what is does it is important to educate yourself because people often choose the wrong VPN. VPN providers are also businesses and have to obey the law. If you choose a VPN provider located in the US then you are throwing your money away because the laws in the US shits on your privacy. If the US gov wants the provider to give all their logs they have to obey.  The ISP  still can’t see what you are doing online and sell your data but the US gov can interfere with your VPN provider so NEVER CHOOSE A PROVIDER LOCATED IN THE US. I just wanted to make that very clear so my followers don’t buy false security. There is still more danger!  Who says your VPN provider isn’t selling your data? You need to check their logging policy. Do they keep logs? If yes, what for? For how long do they keep them? Tip: Choose a provider who doesn’t keep logs More about law  The US is part of the Five Eyes program (the worst): The Five Eyes, often abbreviated as FVEY, is an intelligence alliance comprising Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States. These countries are bound by the multilateral UKUSA Agreement, a treaty for joint cooperation in signals intelligence (source) There is also a Nine Eyes (bit better) and Fourteen Eyes Program (better).  You don’t want a VPN provider who is located in one the Five Eyes countries.  If you had to choose go for a provider located in a country that’s part of the Fourteen Eyes Program or even better, go for a country that isn’t part of any program! I know this is a shitty explanation and please pardon my english but now it’s time to do your own research. Take your privacy seriously. Maybe WWIII breaks out and you get killed for liking the ‘wrong’ FB-page. Go to this website: https://thatoneprivacysite.net/simple-vpn-comparison-chart/ Make sure that your future VPN provider both has green boxes for Privacy Jurisdiction and Privacy Logging. I recommend ovpn.se and trust.zone. ovpn is located in Sweden so they are part

of the 14 Eyes Program and they keep minimal logs. Their business ethics, however, are alright. Trustzone is located in the Seychelles. No country can interfere and their privacy jurisdiction is the best you can get. The US want your data but needs to get it from Trustzone? The Seychelles will simply give them the finger and wave them goodbye. However, this makes this provider very appealing for people who torrent and criminals because they keep no logs (and that is how it shoud be) Also,  there are almost no marketing efforts so this provider is one the cheapest) Also, often providers such as ExpressVPN are being called ‘The Best’ on websites about VPNs but know that this is just marketing which also makes those provider more expensive (and they too shit on your privacy) This must be the worst article you have ever read but please, please take your privacy very seriously. EDIT: I got many people asking me which provider I use. For those who want to know, I use Trust Zone. They offer a free 3-day trial with no strings attached. But still do your own research!

writing-prompt-s I am also with Trustzone but I think you forgot to explain one of it’s most important features. It protects you when you are using someone else’s Wi-Fi. If you are at Starbucks and you use their Wi-Fi your privacy is at risk. Anyone with ill intentions could steal your information. Especially if you are using an unsecured Wi-Fi hotspot. With a VPN your data gets encrypted so no one can steal it.

Follow rabbittiddy Wait, what’s going, on? Did trump destroy internet privacy with a bill or something? Where’s the news? Oh wait, why am I getting visions of Alex Jones and selling water purifiers?

Follow thecrystalfems He hasn’t yet but he says he wants to. And if he is serious about it it would be really easy to do. Since all our data is already recorded, as the person above explained.

Follow coltrer Trump wants more surveillance of Muslim Americans. This in a country where internet privacy is already close to non-existent. Trust.Zone has a free trial. Use it.  btw this post only has 11k notes? That’s quite disappointing for something this important. Don’t reblog this post to save a life. Reblog this to protect an entire family!

Follow imthedoctor12 @earth-ruins @writing-prompt-s Should I get trustzone for my mobile device?

writing-prompt-s If you use public Wi-Fi, then yes. Which VPN you use is up to you, amigo. Take @earth-ruinsadvice. Do your own research first.

writing-prompt-s @elvesfromthedeep​ just brought the current situation in the US to my attention (March 30, 2017). SourcesAnger as US internet privacy law scrapped  Congress just voted to let internet providers sell your browsing history  To all my friends in the US, please read this entire post. Making everyone aware of VPNs is going to be my mission. Your privacy matters. Please reblog this post.

Follow greeneyespurpleheart Don’t tell me you just wanted to scroll past this. Stop looking at pictures of cats for a moment, okay? Don’t you realize how important this is? This is dangerous! ‘America, the best FREE country in the world’ my ass. With this new law your ISP can sell your Internet history which could include passwords, usernames, religion, credit card numbers, race and much more to the highest bidder. So here is what I want you to do. You are going to read the whole thing and before you think ’this is so important. Let me reblog this real quick and go back to admiring cats again-’ NO! Don’t reblog this. Take action first. Then reblog. Sign up for a free trial! Trust.Zone offers one (here). Yes. It might be difficult to set up a VPN for some people. But is that going to stop you from protecting yourself and your family? 30 minutes. 30 minutes is all that it takes. 5 if you know how to install software. The problem with some of you is that you see ‘difficult’ as something negative. I want you to see difficult differently. I need you to push through this stuff. You are going to protect yourself. There is nothing negative about that. VPNs are fun and costsaving too! A VPN bypasses geographical restrictions so you can access websites you normally can’t or you could start Netflix’s one month free trial over and over again- forever. And it’s legal! (unless you use it to buy weapons etc.,) Don’t tell yourself that you are too tired and that you will do this tomorrow. Because that isn’t going to happen and you know it. You have to do this right now. You only have to click on it. Don’t let this/shit/life just happen to you. Take yourself seriously. Get a VPN. Privacy is not a privilege, it’s a fundamental human right

joyfuldefender Ok sorry that it’s so freaking long and also sorry for the language, but this is extremely important. Please reblog!

Follow li-ionsandtigersandbears Reblogging again bc this is important

Follow mermaidz4ever We have a VPN you should get one too

killmongersbaby Please read.

Follow bae-in-maine Can you get them for your phones?

Follow kika-lei ^ you can. & when you have a subscription you can use it on your phone and computer. no need for separate subs or purchases. it is absolutely so important for safety. but one of my fave things to do with my vpn is access non-US netflix. I mean other places have all the new good place eps, all the ‘classic’ bggo eps…

i-cant-remember-who-i-am IMPORTANT

Follow theriflemanofroblox reblogging so new people can be aware :)

Follow facelessnamelessanarchist Long as hell, but read it!!!

Source: welcomedhappiness

————————— I found this post and I thought it was important but tumblr wouldn’t let me reblog it for some reason so I copy/pasted it because I’m not very tech savvy

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

My family is now trying to convince us to come visit them halfway across the country and I’m so frustrated.

First of all, even without taking safety into account, this arrangement would make no sense. They’re framing it as, “Well you need help with childcare now that [husband] is starting grad school, and both of you are working online right now, so why don’t you come stay here for a while and we’ll take care of the baby while the two of you work?” Ok but we can’t sleep in their house because my husband is allergic to the cats (he can be there during the day if he’s on Benadryl constantly, but we wouldn’t want him sleeping there), so we’d have to live out of a hotel for however long. Our only food would be whatever we could get together in a treif kitchen, which is fine when we visit for a few days, but not a lengthy period. And even when we go for a few days we get real food on Shabbos by staying by a family in the community, which would not be an option under the current circumstances.

But of course there is the safety issue. There is no way I’m getting on a plane right now. When I told my mom that, she suggested my 67-year-old father could get on a plane instead, fly here, and then help us with the 17-hours-when-you-don’t-have-a-baby-with-you drive back there, as if that risk plus the unpleasantness of such a long drive with an 8-month-old would somehow be better.

I’m not shocked to hear this coming from my dad, because he hasn’t taken this situation all that seriously at any point (which is just one more reason to, you know, not send him on an airplane). But my mom and sister (who has been with my parents since mid-March when her job went remote) consider themselves to be taking it seriously and yet think these ideas are an acceptable risk just because they miss the baby enough. They both went a full year without seeing me when I was in Eretz Yisroel for seminary without much problem, but suddenly a little over 2 months without seeing the baby for a very good reason and they just lose all reason? I’m sorry, have not enough people in your circles died in the past few months for it to have made an impression on you? Will it sink in if I start listing off the multiple clients from work who are dead, the various family members of my coworkers who are dead, the number of people from this community from whom I am separated by 1 or 2 degrees that’s so high I long ago lost track of it who are dead or still hospitalized? Will that begin to make you see that no amount of free childcare in the world could motivate me to put our lives and your lives at even the smallest additional risk?

What an incredible luxury to have been so little touched by this tragedy as to be able to pretend that that risk isn’t real.

[theritualofourexistence]

Odes to Old Gods

I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad. 

Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April. 

Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too. 

I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post. 

A few quick caveats: 

This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos. 

It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.

Things I have survived in 2020:

- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.

- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.

- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.

- The fires in Australia.

- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s. 

- Losing Kobe Bryant.

- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.

- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose. 

- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.

[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]

- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family. 

- Losing my health insurance.

- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.

- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.

- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.

- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.

- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.

- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option. 

- Being diagnosed with hypertension.

- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.

- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.

- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection. 

- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.

- The actual election.

- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.

- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.

- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.

- Missing Christmas with my extended family.

- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.

That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.

Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:

- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job. 

- Hypertension! More on this later.

- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night. 

- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.

----

This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.

----

There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.

----

In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:

”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January. 

Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.

In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.” 

In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.

Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while. 

In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice. 

----

This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.

----

This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.

I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.   

----

I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too. 

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

[shivae]

Excerpt: Yes, based on my post about the discussion with my husband about how we needed toilet paper. 9.9

Bog furrowed his brow, looking over the list for the umpteenth time. The list was a long one, but one he usually kept. Bog took his stockpiling seriously, prepared by government lists as well as his personal lists for bug out bags for him, his mother, and one for his neighbor, and a couple extra just in case. Those were filled with lightweight foods and bottled water as well as packs of filters and special equipment to sterilize water on the go.

The pantry was stocked full of food, the little extra freezer was full of meat, and the fridge was stocked with everything in its proper place for the best long term storage. He had an expensive vacuum sealer set up on the counter that he had been practicing with for weeks. The bathroom was stocked with all the recommended meds, even the newly updated ones that were safer. Bog couldn't take any chances. He had enough toilet paper to last him and his mother for at least three months, so all was good.

There was just one problem. With the constant news that people were buying toilet paper and emptying the shelves, it gave him repeated urging to go and buy a few more rolls. Just enough to last three more months in case the lockdown, when it was inevitably in effect, made people go out and keep the shelves empty for even longer. What if everyone kept buying the toilet paper even after that, and he ran low? He needed to get just one more big package, and he would feel good about their situation.

Singing came from his mother's bedroom, and Bog set aside his tablet. What was that all about?

-=-=-=-=-=-

Griselda sang to herself, brushing her hair out neatly in front of her ornate vanity. She was in a nice dress, with a little light makeup on, and preparing to go out to pick up a cup of her favorite cappuccino and sit outside one of the closed coffeehouses to chat with her girlfriends. They had a weekly get together, and a little virus wasn't going to keep them from it. These young people and their paranoid actions were not going to keep them from it. After all, they were old enough to have seen several of these, and if they caught anything, well, they all lived long lives. Who knew when the next time they would be able to get together would be. This would be the last visit outside their homes anyway, so they all wanted to keep the date to chatter and visit with each other and talk about their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

She loved hearing about these things from her good friends because her own son was such a nervous wreck around women, he had never managed to even have a girlfriend. The girl next door was just about the only prospect he had, and he refused to think of her that way. Never mind how often she heard them bantering back and forth when playing their vidya games on the computer and in the living room. They trash-talked each other into the night and early morning regularly, shooting each other to death multiple times along with their various shared friends.

Marianne had even been over for dinner several times at Griselda's invitation, but Bog wouldn't say anything to her while actually face to face with her. He was polite but speechless, and Griselda knew why. Her son had a serious crush on her and seemed to think it would never get further than that, and if he acted on it, she might never talk to him again. He would lose the friend he had in her, and he valued her highly as a friend. The only thing that would break that would be if she were the one to come for him.

"Mother, why are ye all dressed up?" Bog leaned into the doorway, staring at her with wide eyes. "Ye aren't planning on going out, are ye?" His voice took on a worried tone.

"I need to leave in an hour for my monthly visit with the girls," chuckled Griselda, turning to her son.

"But ye shouldn't leave the house." Bog stepped fully into the room, hands held up in front of him like he didn't know what to do with them. "We talked about this. Yer 67, ye shouldn't be out there. Neither of us should."

"Bog, I'm just going down to the New Grounds coffee shop to have a drink with my friends." Griselda stood and looked at herself in the mirror. "This is a free country."

"Mother." Bog made a face at her. "I am not letting ye leave the house for any reason."

"It's five minutes away. I'll be out there and back in a couple of hours." Griselda laughed, looking at herself, "I was hot once. Your father couldn't keep his hands off of me."

"Mother, stop changing the subject." Bog rolled his eyes. "Please, promise me, you'll stay at home. I want to see ye call up yer friends and cancel."

Griselda turned to her son, giving him a stern look. "You can't tell me what to do, Bog. I'm going out."

"No." Bog glowered. "Yer not. I will stand here in yer door if I have to."

"Bog, get out of the way, or I'm going through the window." Griselda motioned to her bedroom window, which was currently open to let a little breeze in. "I am going to that meeting with or without your permission because you can't tell me what to do."

"Mother, please," groaned Bog hands out in a supplicating motion. "Do not go out. Look at me, I'm begging ye not to leave the house until the risk is gone."

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Rock Angel takes Japan; Queen x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello my fellow readers of my “Rock Angel” series I have yet another chapter for you and this time this comes from an actual event the boys of Queen got to experience in Japan 1975 so click the linked video to see and you’ll get an idea, especially during the tea ceremony. Anyways I am so happy more people are taking an interest in this series and loving it and as always tag list is always open. I’ve already done multiple parts already but they are more for the future so once I do include an introduction to another character, then I may or may not post the chaps. I’ve got done already in the past 2 days. Alright just one swear word but overall FLUFF enjoy my darlings :)

Taglist *open*:

@phantom-fangirl-stuff

@mr-badguymercury

@onebigfangirlworld

@labessieisallama

@starswin

@naturalswifty89

@isabella-bby

_______________________________________________________

*April 2nd, 1982*

        I had been invited over to Freddie’s place along with the other boys just to do a little catching up.  Ever since my big break out, I had recorded my single “Set it all free” plus my very first album which took about three months to finish up, had it not been for the boys coming over to help me I might’ve burned myself out and probably want to crawl in under a rock and die.

        My single had been recorded while the guys were still on tour and was released last October when I was still recording my first album.  I still have yet to hear the results of my single and I was getting worried that if no one world wide liked it, would they even like my first album.

        “Darling your as jumpy as a cricket, what’s gotten you so frightened darling?”

        “Guys, how long was it to hear the results of your first single?”

“Oh it was awhile love, the longest we had to wait was maybe 8-9 months.” Answered Brian.

“You worried about yours?” asked Deacy. I looked down shamefully and told them.

“I mean sure America loved the song, but what about the rest of the world? I mean….sure there are female singers out there now but—what if they don’t like me because it’s just me and not an entire band I’m performing with?”

        “Then fuck them.” Proclaimed Freddie.

        “I agree with Fred, you’re incredibly talented love, and we’re not just saying that because we’re your friends. We’re speaking as four musicians to another rising one. You sing what the world needs to hear but refuses to acknowledge it. Even if the world doesn’t love your music, we will always love it, as well as you.” Roger said as he came up behind me and wrapped an arm around me.

I smiled softly and placed my hands on his arm as I felt him kiss my temple and I thanked him.  Freddie’s phone soon rang and he picked it up and said.

“Freddie Mercury darling, oh Miami what a pleasant surprise, couldn’t resist hearing my voice could you?” We all rolled our eyes at Fred and soon he continued, “Yeah she’s right here, okay I’ll put her on,” he held the phone out to me and he said, “He wants to talk to you darling,” suddenly my heart began to speed up as I got out of Roger’s one armed hug and took the phone.

“Hey, Jim what’s up?” I held the phone close to my ear as I paced around and said, “Uh-huh, yeah….okay. Yeah, uh-huh okay thanks. Yeah you too, bye.” I then hung up the phone and I collapsed onto Fred’s couch right where Delilah was sitting.

“What’d he say love?” asked Deacy.

“Was it your single? Did you sell out?” demanded Freddie.  I remained silent trying to take what Miami had told me all in.

“(Y/n)? Love are you okay? Is it bad news?” asked Roger in pure concern as he looked at me with worried eyes.  I finally then decided to tell them by first asking a question.

“Tell me what it was like when you guys went to Japan back in ’75?”

“Ohh I still get tears remembering our welcome there. We just had no idea what to expect and the sheer amount of people that came to welcome us was just overwhelming.” Brian said.

“Why do you ask?” asked Deacy.

“Well you guys got some competition because my single just sold out in Japan. They want me to perform live in Tokyo, Japan!” The boys all cheered as Freddie picked me up spinning me around leaving me in a laughing fit as I embraced him as tightly as I could.

I was soon engulfed in a Queen group hug as they all cheered for me.  Once I was free Brian said.

“That’s incredible love, when do you leave?”

“Oh shit I gotta go home and pack! Jim’s hoping to get the first nonstop flight to Japan tonight. Sorry gotta cut this visit short you guys, I’ll call you as soon as I reach Japan bye!” I quickly raced out of Freddie’s house and got on my bike and revved it up before taking off back to my flat.

Once I got home, I began packing up for the week tour of Japan.  Packing all my clothes, hats, heath and beauty stuff, shoes and minor accessories like a couple of rings, my fingerless gloves, bracelets and necklaces.  When I was sure I had everything I heard a limo honk and I knew my ride was here.

Grabbing my suitcases and a couple of my guitars, I opened my door and soon my stage handler Hank came up and helped me pack up the stuff into the limo.  José my driver opened up the door and I thanked him as I stepped inside to see Miami sitting inside the back.

“Hello (y/n), so you got everything?”

“I’m pretty sure. Oh my god I can’t believe this is really happening. I mean the last time I went to Japan I was still your intern, now I’m one of your many clients.”

“It’s unbelievable how much has changed. And I couldn’t be more proud of you, I knew I chose right when I picked you. I knew you’d become more than just an intern to me one day.” I smiled at him and then Jim told José to get us to the airport.

We reached the airport and for the first time ever, I would get to experience a private airline where I am the star and not just part of the crew.  The limo stopped right by the plane that I would be taking all the way to Japan.

“Alright now just head on straight into the plane, I’ll take care of everything with the rest of the crew. You just find a seat okay love?” I nodded then our doors opened up and I went out first and raced towards the plane and quickly raced up the stairs until I reached the plane.

“Good afternoon Miss, I’m Captain Trevor and I will be your pilot for the nonstop flight to Japan. You will be in safe hands with us Ms. (l/n).”

“Thank you Captain Trevor.” I saluted to him before walking further in the plane and see the luxurious interior of the plane. I picked me a spot and one of the flight attendants came up to me and said.

“Can I offer you any refreshments Ms. (l/n)?”

“I’ll just take a water for now,” she nodded then went to the back room to get my drink.  Jim soon came in with a few more assistants who were going to help me get through the airport.

“You ready love?” asked Jim.  I nodded as I fastened my seatbelt and soon the flight attendants went over the basic checklists for safety procedures and within about 5-10 minutes we were taking off.

I was currently reading my old English-Japanese dictionary that I had to have for a class for my foreign language credit I still had to take and practiced some basic greets that I was going to say.  Hours ticked by and soon it was getting pretty late and there was still about 6hrs left of the 11hr flight so I decided to sleep the rest of the trip.

As I got myself situated, I pulled out my locket that I always kept around my neck and opened it up to reveal the picture of me with the boys at the Madison Square Garden show.  This picture was taken right after the concert after my first outbreak performance.

“I already miss you guys, I sure wish you could be here.” I closed the locket up and tucked it back under my shirt and covered myself up with my favorite blanket and soon fell fast asleep.

After six hours at 4am in the morning, we arrived at Japan.  Jim woke me up and I got myself woken up so that way I wouldn’t risk any embarrassing photos of me getting out.  I re-did my makeup and eat me some M&M’s to get myself woken up since they always did the trick for me.

Our plane landed right at Tokyo International airport right in the private plane landing parking lot.  I grabbed my bags and we all left the plane and headed on inside the airport.

We met up with the representatives of Japan as well as my translator.

“Ms. (l/n) I am Yamamoto Kaizo your translator, it is a pleasure to meet you. My daughters are big fans of yours.”

“Arigato Yamamoto, I’m honored. And I can’t wait to see all of Japan, my friends of Queen spoke so highly of this country so many times.”

“Come on (y/n) the car’s waiting to get us to the hotel to drop off your things, then we need to get you ready for the press conference.” Jim said.  I nodded then we all raced down the hallways out of the gates.

And as soon as I could be seen coming out of the gates all I heard were loud screams.  Over my security I saw hundreds of pictures from some of my photoshoots that I’ve been involved in, signs with my name saying “Welcome” or the word “Rock” with two angel wings sprouting out either side of the word.

Oh my god Brian was right, I felt like I was about ready to cry.  No other place in the world has ever greeted me like this, I mean it’s almost as if I were suddenly royalty to them now.  I waved to them and I wished that I could stop and sign autographs for them but I was on a tight schedule and they wouldn’t allow me as I was rushed out of the airport and into the car.

Crowds of Japanese fangirls and boys were trying to get through hoping to even catch a glimpse of me, press were snapping pictures like crazy and security was trying to keep them back as I finally got in the limo and was in the safe zone and the driver took off.

I waved to them and I saw some of the fans trying to chase after the car and I leaned back sighing deeply as I said.

“Wow that was….insane.”

“Life of a Rockstar love, I’m sure the boys have told you a lot about Japan” said Miami.

“That they have, okay now this press conference. What exactly do I have to do for it?”

“Alright, well first they’ll talk about a bit about your history and then we’ll open it up for a brief Q&A. Then they will present to you a platinum of your single just like they did with the boys when they sold out here back in 75, then they’ve invited you for a traditional Japanese tea ceremony where you will give Japan a thank you message and to help promote more people for coming to the concert which will happen tonight at the center of the capital right near the Tokyo tower.” I nodded and soon we arrived at the hotel where we quickly got checked in and I did a quick shower.

Once I was done and blow dried my hair up and straightened it out.  When I was presentable and cleaned up I redid my makeup and quickly raced out of my room and met Jim downstairs in the lobby and we left for the press conference together.

We arrived at the building at around 8:15am and the conference was to start at 9.  I was staying in the back room where I finally got the chance to meet my Japanese fans. Some of the girls were dressed up like me with the same leather jacket, long flapped jeans and having highlights in their hair.

I happily signed all their stuff and I was given so many presents like bouquets upon bouquets of roses red or white, Japanese yo-yos, a spinning top, painting of me as an angel holding a guitar shooting out bolts of lighting, just so many sweet gifts and I thanked them all in Japanese which all the girls were amazed and clapped for me smiling.

Finally at 9am sharp, the press conference began. I left the backroom and was guided towards the front and as soon as the doors opened and I walked onto the platform stage where a large table was set up for me, I was bombarded by flashes from cameras.  As I took my seat the press conference began.

As the conference went on just like Miami said, I told them about my process of making the single, what the song meant to me (without giving too much detail, even though I could publicly humiliate Adam at this rate but I didn’t want to.) and then what was next for me.

I was then given by one of the top record producers of Japan a large framed platinum cover of my single “Set it all free” to which we shook hands and we posed for pictures with it.  At around 11:30am the conference was over and I was then taken out to a park near the Tokyo tower where I would be taking part of the tea ceremony, just like the boys were.

We finally arrived at about 12:20pm and I was one hungry girl, but I still wanted to be respectful.  Women in traditional Japanese kimonos surrounded the blanket along with photographers and camera crew people.

I took off my shoes and I sat down on the blanket and one of the girls came over to me and set down my tea as another one was instructing me the proper way to drink their tea.

It was a nice spring day, the cheery blossoms were in full bloom, the wind was blowing at a nice, gentle breeze and I was given some cakes and tea.  All the while the photographers were getting pictures for their magazine and the camera crew were filming me.  I was talking to the girls asking them questions about Japan and what other traditions they partake in.

They were friendly and told me all the tea ceremonies they helped out in for the summer festivals, the cherry blossom festival, and they themselves told me this but these girls also gave my boys the exact tea ceremony they were giving me right now.

After the ceremony I was playing with some of my presents and taking pictures of the beautiful park for my own keeping so that one day I could look back on this and remember exactly what Japan had done for me. Finally it was time for my thank you message before I got ready for the concert tonight.

I stood where the camera people wanted me to stand and they emphasized to me repeatedly to not turn around, just look right at the camera and not look at anything else.  At first I was a little scared at the fact the man kept emphasizing it and looking me dead in the eye as he said it, so I did what he asked.

Once the camera started filming I gave my message to the people of Japan.

“Kon'nichiwa Nihon, watashi wa (l/n) (y/n). Hopefully I said that right hahaha. Anyways I just want to thank all of you for such a warm welcome to Japan. You all have been so kind and I can’t repay for making me feel so comfortable. Thanks for all the presents,” I said as I held up my yoyo, “And umm—”

Little did I know as I began my message, someone with shaggy blonde hair was photobombing me in the background going across the shot with his arms raised in the air.

“I hope you all come out to see the concert later tonight or any show that I’ll do in the near future. Heck I may just even move here.” As I continued, two men one with wild curly hair like a poodle and another with shorter poofy hair both came up behind me and crouched down so that they wouldn’t be seen in the shot.

The poodle haired fellow raised his arms up like wings while the other one kept his arms low, so the shot would look like I had two different wings in the back. Before peeking out on either side of me and making funny faces or sticking out their tongues.

For some reason I kept feeling someone was behind me so I quickly turned around and let out a squeak and laughed as did the rest of the crew.  I fell to my knees laughing and crying at the same time.  John picked me up and held me in his arms swaying me back and forth as Freddie came into the shot and he said.

“Come see this lovely angel perform tonight. She is a saint and a true angel. Let her grace you with her wonderful voice darlings. She has the Queen seal of approval.”  With that the camera shut off.  I turned and hugged Deacy as tightly as I could before I separated and I said.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Did you really think we’d miss you making it as big as we did here in Japan?” asked Brian.

“Plus Miami called us and thought we’d give you a good surprise so—surprise!” Freddie said as he did the jazz hands at the end of his statement.

“Oh my God!” I cried out. “You lot better not have made me look stupid in that video.”

“Oh you wound us darling, why would we ever do that to you deliberately?” Roger said as he came up and wrapped his arms around me swaying me just like Deacy did earlier before playfully giving me a noogie and bopping my nose.  I shook my head at him as he hugged me closer to him before releasing me.

After the tea ceremony it was time to head to the concert arena and do soundchecks and get ready for my concert at 6pm. After going over and making sure everything checked out, I was now in my makeup room getting all pretty for my show when I heard the door knock.

“Who is it?”

“(Y/n) (l/n) Rock angel fan club, party of 4.” I heard Freddie’s voice say.  I smiled and said.

“Come right on in.” The boys entered inside my huge dressing room and Freddie made himself comfortable right on the couch.

“You nervous darling?” he asked me.

“A bit.” I admitted.

“Well don’t be, you’ll do great, you always bring the rock in Rock n roll, especially to the younger fans since you know how to connect with them.” I smiled at him and then I turned to see Brian holding up a long wrapped up present.

“What’s that Bri?”

“Just a little something for you.” He handed it over to me and I set it down on the table in front of the couch and I asked him.

“Can I open it now or do I have to wait till after the concert?”

“I’d really love to see you open it now.” He said. I knelt down and began to rip up the paper slowly.

“Come on love are we saving the wrapping paper just rip it off!” Roger teased which made me laugh as I took a big chunk of the wrapping paper and threw it at him which made the boys laugh.  After ripping the last of it off, there in front of me was a black case.  I looked up at Brian before unbuckling it and slowly opening it up and I let out a gasp.

Inside was a red special guitar.  At first I almost thought it was his own red special since it was the exact same pattern of red and black design but I noticed that at the red portion tattooed in black into the guitar itself was the word ROCK with angel wings on either side.

“Ohh….”

“It took a while to make it with the time I had, I…..was almost afraid I wouldn’t have it ready in time. Give it a go,” I delicately took the red special out of the case and adjusted the strap to my size and held onto it before giving it a gentle strum.

After giving it a couple of tunes and strumming it until finally it gave out a beautiful hum.

“Oh Brian this…..this is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” I set my red special back in the case and sat up and hugged him tightly, burying my face into his chest.  “Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it love, it would be an honor if you were to play with that red special tonight for Japan.”

“Of course, I’ll play it at every performance I’ll ever do. Ohh I love you guys I’m so glad you all came.” The boys soon wrapped me in a group hug as I happily wept and as we separated I whimpered out, “Fuck now my makeups ruined.” The boys laughed so Deacy guided me back to my chair, Brian took the wipes and wiped away any strays of makeup and both Roger and Freddie reapplied my makeup making me all pretty again.

A knock was soon heard and one of the stage crew members told me that it was showtime.  I grabbed my newly gifted red special and I put it around my shoulder and the boys and I walked out onto the stage.  I stood backstage getting myself pumped up as the boys gave me final words of good luck until finally a Japanese announcer came over the speaker and I heard my stage name being called and I came onto the stage hearing thousands of people scream my name.

And with that the concert began.

I sang “Set it all free” and seeing all the Japanese girls bouncing up and down singing along to the song even though they probably didn’t know English, it made me feel so happy inside.  And by permission as long as I didn’t give too much away, I was allowed to do one song from my new upcoming album so I sang a song that I titled “So good.”

Which felt like the perfect song since it was all about shining through in the spotlight even after having the dream of reaching for your dreams, but you had to have the courage and strength to achieve them.

I also went ahead and sang a couple of my favorite Queen songs just to show my boys my love for them.  I sang my all-time favorite “Somebody to love”, my next cover song was “Don’t stop me now” and finally to end the show I did “You’re my best friend” and I even told the audience that I dedicated this cover to my boys of Queen.

After the end of the concert everyone cheered loudly holding up signs of my name or of my stage name.

“Arigato Nihon! You’ve been a great crowd!” I said into the microphone as I took my final bow and ran off stage.  I met up with the guys who each one by one embraced me and gave me a kiss of congratulations on either my cheek, temple, forehead or the top of my head.

The boys and I stayed in Japan for the rest of the week exploring all of Japan.  The boys taking me to their favorite places or restaurants they ate in years ago.  And I did a show in Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka.  To show my love for the boys, I had them come up on a couple of songs and I performed alongside them and let me tell you sharing the stage with them, that’s what truly made me alive.

And singing alongside Fred on some of their songs, it’s a blast and an honor when Freddie Mercury allows you to take the stage and sing a verse of a Queen song.

At the end of the short Japan tour it was time to go home.  The boys and I waved goodbye to Japan and took final pictures together of us both getting on and in the plane.  

Of course Fred high-jacked the camera and wouldn’t stop taking pictures of me all the while acting like a photographer telling me to show him the stuff and to work it like I owned this plane.

As we were now in the air, Deacy and Bri were already out like lightbulbs while Fred was reading through a magazine and I was sitting next to Roger now.

“Does it only go up from here?” I asked myself.

“So long as you keep giving the fans what they want, you’re already the talk of the world love, just make sure you don’t get a big head like Fred over there.” He whispered the last part which made me giggle softly.

“I promise Rog, I’ll stay humble and not act like a hysterical queen.”

“Good, cause god knows we don’t need another one.”

“Oh so you’re not talking about yourself?” I teased. He glared at me before flicking my forehead making me whimper out “ow! I was joking.” I rubbed the spot where he had flicked me and he smirked at me.

“Serves you right.” I rolled my eyes at him before letting out a soft yawn.  “You’ve had a long week love, you should get some sleep.”

“Yeah you’re right.” I then got myself comfortable by leaning up against his chest and he immediately brought my blanket back over my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me.  One hand stroking my head while the other wrapped around my shoulders gently stroking my arms with his thumb.

I could hear him softly humming “Somebody to love” all the while he’d kiss the top of my head every now and then until finally I fell asleep to Roger’s humming, the sound of his heartbeat and the gentle strokes and massages he was giving to my head.

[nashvilletonihon]

To Stay Or Not To Stay...That Is The Million Dollar Question.

I’m currently sitting at my desk in the Kumihama teacher’s room. It’s Finals Week here so everyone is buzzing around and it sounds like a busy hive of bees. The students already look broken, defeated, tired. It’s been a long couple of weeks for me so I can only imagine what it’s been like for them.

I’m honestly not sure where October and November went. I remember being glad that September was over the minute it became October 1st and then suddenly I was celebrating Halloween with my ESS Club students and then it was November 1st. Now it’s 1 day away from my birthday (which I haven’t even thought about) and then it will be December 1st. 

What. Is. Happening??? 

When I first arrived here I thought time had literally stopped. I was stuck in an endless loop of being unhappy, lonely and sad I was drowning in my own misery. Fast forward to now. November 29th. In two short months I will have to give the JET Program and my contracting schools an answer to the question of whether or not I would like to re-contract. If I say yes, my schools will then have to decide whether or not they want to extend my contract for another year. If they do, I’d be working for them again during another trip around the sun. If they don’t...well, the decision to stay or go will have been made for me.

I’ve talked to my mom and a few close friends about my decision to potentially live in Japan for another year or to move back to the States. My mother encouraged me to make a Pros and Cons list. (Something I’ve always done when faced with major, life-changing decisions.) It’s currently taped to the back of my bedroom door and at the moment, both sides are neck and neck. Neither the Pros nor the Cons have advanced past the other. Hurray for me right? How does a list like that help when they’re dead even?! 

I think about what my life would be like in both scenarios. If I stay for another year I can continue to work toward my (absolutely insane) goal of eventually taking the JLPT N2. It’s an incredibly difficult test for non-native speakers that requires A LOT of work to pass. One of my friends and fellow JET’s is getting ready to take it this Sunday. She studied Japanese for four years in college AND studied abroad here and even she’s worried passing it. I wonder if I could accomplish my goal in another year and a half. If I worked my a** off, I bet I could. I at least want to take and pass the N3. (Which I’m pretty sure I can do.) That being said, if I pass the N2 I could get a job as a translator or interpreter which is something I would really enjoy doing. I could translate anime or manga or work for the government or tourism board in cities like Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Seattle, etc... Living in Japan for another year would allow me to continue to be exposed to native speakers and Japanese every single day. The minute I move back to America I no longer have that luxury. Even though I’ve only been here for 4 months my comprehension and understanding has grown exponentially. I would be jeopardizing all of the hard work I’ve put in up ‘til now. 

A major Con of continuing to live in Japan is being away from my family and friends for another year. I video chat with my momma every single day and it always pains me to have to talk to her through a phone screen. I miss being able to hop in my car and drive the 2 1/2 hours to Indiana to see her whenever I wanted. Now we constantly have to coordinate when we both have free time to talk. Being 15 hours ahead of her in the States (thaaaaanks Daylight Savings) makes things difficult, but we manage. I miss her hugs. I also struggle a lot with the fact that I am losing out on valuable time with my grandparents. I know they won’t be around forever and the guilt associated with being over here while they continue grow older is more than I can put into words. I know my family is proud of me for following my dreams but that doesn’t make being over here any easier.

Another Con (or Pro depending on how you look at it) is that I have ZERO job prospects moving back to America. Absolutely nothing. In theory I could pick up over hire work in theatre at TPAC, Nash Rep, Studio Tenn or advertise myself as a costume designer (a position I have long had a love/hate relationship with) but to be completely honest, none of that sounds very appealing right now. I’m tired of living paycheck to paycheck and constantly being worried about if I’ll be able to afford rent (we all know how ridiculous it is to live in Nashville now) or make my car payment. Yeah, yeah I know. ‘’That’s what being involved in the arts is all about! You have to suffer for it!’’ Whoever thought that was a good excuse for people to live a stressful, poor lifestyle just so they can follow their passion can shove it. It’s ridiculous we even have to do that in the first place. Yes, I want to act. Yes, it’s my everything. Yes, it’s what I am good at. But I don’t want to constantly have to struggle when I could work toward a job that I can make good money doing while ALSO acting. Is that me selling out to have a secure day job and moonlight as an actor? Maybe. I’ll be 29 on Friday. If I stay another year in Japan I’ll turn 30 here. It’s hard to believe I’m so close to being out of my twenties already. While I feel the proverbial clock ticking when it comes to the stereotypical “old actress” trope, I have to remind myself that most well-known actors didn’t even get started until their mid-30′s. I’ve got time. And being bilingual will look really cool on my resumé.

So what’s another Pro about continuing to live in Japan? Saving more money, yo. Being here for another year means more savings in the bank. It’s a pretty simple concept that would allow me to not freak out about finances when I finally move back to the States. As someone who had an incredible amount of financial stability when I lived in Los Angeles to being left with nothing after I moved to Nashville, financial stability is now incredibly important to me. (I can hear my father slow clapping from 11,000 miles away.) I’m not one for caring about money (never have been) but if I could keep adding to the savings account while also working toward a career that would help me in the long run, I’ll take that option time and time again.

Another Pro I often think about is how many more people can come to visit Japan while I’m here. My Mom, sister (Elizabeth) and friends Taylor and Erica are all coming out to visit me in the months of February and March. If I’m here for another year, even MORE people can come on out to see what this crazy magical country is all about. I think that’s pretty dang cool and am 100% encouraging everyone I know to start looking at flights now. I mean, you’ve got a personal tour guide AND a place to stay!!! What more could you need/want?! 

All in all I have quite a few Pros and Cons on the list. Some of the Cons are dependent on whether or not I can somehow change them into Pros. One example would be the immense distaste I have for my base school. I am there every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Out of those three days I might be fortunate enough to attend (not teach, mind you) 2 classes, possibly 3. Classes are 50 minutes each if we don’t have a special shortened schedule. So out of 3, 8 hour work days, I am maybe seeing the inside of a classroom for less than 3 hours each week. Compare that to my visit school where I am there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have 3 or 4 and sometimes 5 classes a day. I am waaaaay happier at my visit school. I found out that I can talk to my scheduling supervisors to potentially get my schedule switched so that my visit school becomes my base school and my base school becomes my visit school. This would drastically improve my outlook on the situation as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the other teachers at my base school (even though I don’t really talk to many of them and vice versa) and they’re all incredibly nice people. I just seem to click better with the teachers at my visit school.

Throughout all of the anxiety, worrying, stressing out and continual ‘’Should I or shouldn’t I’s’’, I have to keep telling myself that ultimately, it’s my decision and mine alone. Will it affect the people close to me? Oh, without a doubt. I know my family will hate to have me away for another year. I run the risk of being forgotten in the Nashville theatre and losing another year of shows. I already feel like my career was just beginning to take off and the desire to follow through with that is one of the strongest pulls back home yet. And then again...I have this intense desire to learn Japanese. REALLY learn it. I want to communicate with my friends, co-workers and the people who have helped to make the adjustment to life in Japan a little bit easier. I want to help Americans visit Japan and not be scared to do so because of the language barrier. Trust me when I say that the the people here are more scared to use English than you are to use Japanese.

I have a lot to think about over the next 2 months, but if I’m being completely honest (and I try to be on here), I am about 90% sure I will stay for another year. I don’t think my work in Japan is done yet. I think I can help more students, engage more cultural exchanges, help the current JTE’s teach their classes more efficiently and help infuse fun ways of learning into the mundane textbook lessons. I want to start a pen-pal exchange with the girls in my English Speaking Society Club with students from my aunt’s high school in Indiana. There is so much I want to do...and 8 more months just isn’t enough time to do it all.

Before I end this, it’s important to me that I thank the countless people, both family members and friends, who have listened to my doubts, fears, concerns and indecision about all of this over the past month. Your unwavering support and constant encouragement mean so much to me. I honestly wouldn’t still be here without your love and kindness. I am truly, truly grateful to have each and every one of you in my life, both here and abroad. Y’all the real MVP’s. 

I’m sorry there aren’t any photos in this post. I’m heading to Kyoto City tomorrow for a Skills Conference and will be there all weekend. I’m going sightseeing and Christmas shopping and will be taking lots of photos so I will have plenty to write about come next week. On that note I will wrap this up and say goodbye for now. I keep telling myself I’ll be better at updating and posting and I swear I will start now. Thanks for always being patient with me!!

じゃあまた (See you!)

- レイチェル (Rachel)

[backpackingfemale-blog]

Backpacker Advice - Safety and also Security

female safety items during travel

My goal is to start by simply saying, that I privately have never had any kind of basic safety or security difficulties even though travelling - different than using a bottle connected with half clear shower serum going absent after My partner and i left it inside the bathtub (I was gutted! ). If you follow simple advice and use your personal sound judgment then neither must you.

female safety items during travel

Desired destination Safety

A person should always check your own state's foreign office regarding information how safe your current destination is definitely. This will probably provide the official placement of your government upon in which destination's safety.

Nonetheless any travel warning coming from your unusual office will not necessarily mean you may not head out. Often there might end up being a small part associated with this country that basically safe, nevertheless the foreign business office will announce the complete nation unstable. So it will be some sort of good idea to combination check with some other unknown offices and reporting agencies.

Precisely what To Do If Your own personal Destination Will become Unsafe When There

You're not likely to be able to experience political alter, specifically outside of cities, nonetheless it can happen - navy effet in Bangkok seem to be to take place every several or 4 years.

Normally tourists are not a new focus on and your vacation will be not affected, however you should always stay away from virtually any mass protest as well as display.

If you locate yourself in the very less likely situation of sense hazardous or a concentrate on, you have a couple of alternatives. The first is for you to go to your own personal charge. Be aware that embassies will often become targets by themselves rapid if your charge is a targeted, subsequently neighbouring embassies will most likely present refugee - We. at the. a British Citizen, must be fine to go to help the Australian, Us or even Canadian embassies along with perversité versa.

Note down charge includes before you proceed.

The second option is to buy out as quickly since possible. This may always be as easy as getting the bus away, but while complex as contacting the particular foreign office back residence intended for specialist advice. I actually must state that that is extremely rare, and possesses not happened to myself or perhaps anyone I get met.

Safety measures For Ladies

You should outfit correctly when travelling to particular destinations. Respect religious persuits in regards to attire code and get away from sexual being a nuisance by dressing up conservatively. Take into account wearing shoes or boots you usually are capable of running inside, while visiting high risk regions.

Avoid getting alone following dark. If it is actually inescapable stick to properly lit in addition to crowded parts.

Keep any rape burglar alarm with you when you attend areas where you may possibly be vulnerable. Be sure it will be easy to access instructions with your pocket or linked to (not in) your personal bag.

American women can easily often appear promiscuous in order to some cultures, so in case stressed either ignore this or maybe tell them a person don't like it and they also should back off. When adopted walk into some sort of store or motel as well as tell the owner. If possible ask them to call up the police.

In the event that snapped up or attacked, yell seeing that loud as you could as well as activate your rapadura alert, don't try to be able to plead or even bargain. Combat back, use just about any things around you and shoot for the head, knees or perhaps privates.

If you tend to be sharing a dormitory using another traveller that may be producing you feel uncomfortable, you ought to let them and typically the hostel supervision know -- ask to go rooms when necessary. Most hostels give female only dorms, and so if you are apprehensive concerning sharing with guys this is the best solution.

How To Stay away from Getting Broken into

A related principle to not acquiring robbed anywhere - occurs common sense.

Don't demonstrate off your own valuables, specially not in the risky location or in a region where valuables are rare or hard to are available by.

Never have an excessive amount of on your person and also ensure important items are usually secure and invisible, both in a zipped bank account or locked bag. Retain other valuables safe within your hostel.

Blend in. What exactly I mean by means of which is don't act similar to a new tourist. Don't look through that will big wad of notes inside your finances, looking for the proper foreign money.

Seek safety suggestions out of your hostel. Don't move to a location that an individual have been advised never to or an area just where you will stick out along with become a target.

Keep Alert. Especially when with CREDIT machines and whenever handing above currency. Primary locations to get pickpockets are generally markets in addition to transport dernier.

If you are proceeding to become drinking, may take almost any valuables out there with you and stay added cautious.

Don't drift off in public transport or maybe retail outlet items you don't would like to lose in the cost to do business pockets. From what My spouse and i have heard via many other travellers this is often the most frequent scenario where persons have goods stolen.

Have a tendency keep gear together. Specifically cash : always include an emergency stash, My partner and i. e. in a match of clothes. Documents furthermore, you should have photocopies of your passport retained independently from the authentic.

I am not just a huge fan of safety pouches/ wallets/ belts, I think that they act like magnets for you to thieves - alerting those to the fact you possess something precious on anyone. If you insist about getting one, never receive it in public, constantly move to the very discreet place.

If you sense beneath threat, look with regard to exit items and take into account leaving as well as running.

Exactly how To Protect Your personal Things In Hostels

All people have these kinds of false misconceptions it is the actual locals who are in order to get their belongings, yet the unhappy reality is usually the biggest threat is definitely from your fellow individuals.

Fairly obvious really, contemplating you happen to be sharing a area with an regular regarding 6 strangers for every night time. However it is crucial to consider only a little minority of men and women resort to help theft.

Most hikers usually are wealthy and it can certainly end up being very tempting regarding some people to aid their selves - even in order to items you wouldn't expect. Avoid put anything past individuals - from chapsticks to be able to chargers; tuna to tooth paste - I've heard the particular lot.

The problem is actually most people are also trusting; the golden principle in hostels though is just not to trust anyone having your current belongings, particularly certainly not full strangers.

The bulk of crime will be opportunistic, not planned.

Departing your own personal iPhone on demand untreated is just giving somebody a opportunity to rob it rapid don't offer people options.

If you actually are leaving something alone ensure it is based away instructions that should go for when you usually are sleep too. Always retain valuables in a very locker as well as hostel risk-free.

Scams

Despite the fact that I stated earlier I have got never been any casualty of crime though treking, I have certainly find scam or two -- and you should too.

They goal travelers, so you tend to be likely to find all of them for most tourist destinations a person visit, in particular in establishing countries.

Several scammers get very good strategies to receiving your money. Go with belly feeling, you may usually impression when a thing is awry of course, if that sounds too good to get true, it probably is usually. Never hand over funds, property or details right up until you know everything is definitely legitimate.

Simply use registered taxis, avoid the use of cards throughout non reliable stores or even hostels. Once more common good sense is key, use the idea and also you won't fall target.

Privately, the hotbed intended for hoaxes is Hanoi, Vietnam : every hour We was right now there I ended up being targeted by scammers usually.

In this article is a list involving some cons you may possibly encounter, some more significant than others:

Scams

The particular Over Friendly And Good Salesman. Someone starts some sort of conversation with you upon the neighborhood, usually quite friendly; "where are an individual from?... Oh I enjoy the item there... Do you recognize these kinds of and such? inches. After a while they might offer you a "mates rate" package deal for a new massage for example, that they can will arrange for anyone within the phone. However while you get at this time there, you actually find the owner connected with the massage therapy parlour had not been aware of this particular package, or the parlour isn't going to even exist.

How To be able to Avoid: After having a few associated with these you just learn, and ignore the dialogue to start with. Never pay to get something before you can observe it.

The English language Pupil. Again someone should come upwards to you being incredibly helpful, they will consult if they can easily discuss with you in Uk because they are understanding. They then parents along with student fees or perhaps ebooks, etc.

This may appear to be it could be legitimate, but it took place for you to me 3 times with three or more days in Hanoi. There are numerous scams like this specific - in which play to help your emotions rapid nevertheless most of these sob reports are scams.

Just how To Avoid: Merely point out sorry, I can't aid or I have simply no money in me. In the event you feel bad in that case donate to a signed up charitable organization.

The Scooter Sales person. Some guy on a moped will pull right up subsequent to you and offer you to promote you something. Commonly in order to just take your personal money and journey off of without giving you the product or service.

How To Avoid: Basic, don't acquire anything by someone sitting down on the getaway vehicle.

Typically the Distracter. Extremely common. Any thoughts will be put within place including children approaching up to you, folks wanting a photo together with you, a person spilling one thing on you, and so forth Just about all the while someone more will be choosing your own pocket.

How To Steer clear of: May carry too several valuables in your person. Make certain your case is straightened and wallets are compressed. Be sound the alarm and guard your purchases when fumes screens similar to this are set in place.

The Fixer. You will be taking walks along the lane minding your own business any time an individual will start aiming at your shoes and boots (or bag, or whatever) expressing it is broken and requirements fixing. Then one or maybe two a lot more people will certainly start saying the same. They will will try to correct your current shoe whilst a person are still jogging as well as charge you for typically the services.

How To Keep away from: This happened in my opinion about more than one situation. I actually started by merely saying "no", if this didn't perform I surpassed the street and after that ultimately would start jogging.

Often the Drug Seller. Simple, anyone will offer you drug treatments. If you buy these, they will tip away from any police officer with regard to a reward.

Keep away from: Clearly don't buy prescription drugs. In case you absolutely have in order to, obtain other travellers, as well as through someone a passenger has stated they have delivered from just before.

The Phony Police Officer. An individual proclaiming to be a law enforcement officials officer may ask to be able to see your passport and also claim it is cast, or claim money you merely gave to a seller seemed to be counterfeit, and request you to pay out some sort of fine.

How To Prevent: A difficult a single, although extremely rare because the fees and penalties for the scammers are incredibly high. Tell them an individual have been suggested for you to always pay fees on a local police place to avoid con-artists. When they are reputable police force officers they should include no issue with this. Never ever get into a unmarked police car, look for these people to take you to help often the station in a new marked just one. If many people have a problem using this these are most most likely a scammer, consequently get in touch with the police or your own personal charge.

The Fake Solution. Anyone will sell anyone a bus or even additional ticket, that is in fact just a piece regarding paper with creating with it.

How To Stay away from: Buy primary, from the accredited travel agent, or perhaps from somewhere a revisionist has successfully bought coming from.

The actual Credit Card. An individual card will probably be scanned 2 times or amounts copied.

Precisely how To Avoid: Never allow your card out of your personal sight. Ensure that merchants swipping your credit card in entrance of you - in the event that they "need to consider it out the backside to the actual machine", inquire to follow these individuals. Inquire for, and keep invoices.

The particular Border Crossing. Anyone will be questioned in order to take something across the particular edge, for someone holding out on the other aspect. This specific almost certainly implies you are being utilized because a drug mule instructions and if you find caught carrying out that inside some places it is actually good bye for you.

The way To Avoid: Never, ever before take anything across the border that isn't your own own. Assure your tote hasn't been meddled having as well.

If You actually Be a Victim Of Criminal offenses

To begin with, if you are usually ever threaten using a system always give up your current belongings, it really just isn't worth the cost, especially as you actually should be totally covered by insurance. Also these days it doesn't take long to be able to cancel and get substitutions regarding passports, cards, and so forth.

You need to act immediately in the event you are a sufferer of crime. The 1st step will be filing any police review (this can be vital if professing your insurance). You could nonetheless need/ want to go to your embassy first according to the nature of the criminal offenses.

You will additionally need to stop any objects stolen since soon possible.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #468

“recollect me, darling, raise me to your lips  /  two undernourished egos  /  four rotating hips”

Have you ever seen a queen bee outside its hive? I wouldn't know. What comes to mind first, when I say “indie”? The music genre. Have you ever used Duolingo? I have not. Do you think number 13 is unlucky? No. Do you watch any old films? If so, name a few of your favourites. Through all the years in school and reading classic novels, we would usually watch the movie afterwards, so I've seen a good number and understand why they're classics, like The Outsiders, A Raisin in the Sun, Steel Magnolias... Who are some of your classic era film actors and actresses, if any? I don't know enough, honestly. Do you have any novelty ice cube trays? No. What radio station do you most often listen to? I don't listen to the radio. Have you ever been in a Catholic confessional? Yes, because I was raised Roman Catholic, and it was routine to go occasionally. Those things are so awful. Who was the last non-relative you rode in a vehicle with? Oh wow, I don't know. What movie are you looking forward to coming out? HOCUS POCUS 2!!!!!!!!!!!!! :') What color was the hair of the last person you kissed? HAHAHA he's gonna fuckin hate me for this. He has black hair, but with a bit of gray throughout already. What letter does your last name begin with? D. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yep. Do you regret it? Nah. Who was the last person to buy you a drink? You're talking like, a drink drink? In which case, my mother. Who was the last person to buy you dinner? Girt. How old is the oldest person you’ve dated? Idk exactly how old Juan is, but he's probably the oldest? Of the ages I actually remember, that'd be Girt; he'll be 28 next month. Have you ever found a bug in your food? omg noooooo Do you ever read things you wrote as a kid? What were you like? Fuck no, I'd cringe into oblivion. Your boyfriend's birthday is coming up, and you’re totally broke. What do you do? ... Was this written directed at me??? lmao I'm thinking of just trying to draw 2B from Nier: Automata since she's to him what Pyramid Head is to me, ha ha. Would you be content to turn out just like your mom? In most ways, no. If you could pick one topic for everyone in your country to learn more about, what would you pick? Uhhh... Well, it'd be boring as all fuck hell, but I guess politics. Be actually educated on what's going on in the country and vote more wisely. How do you feel about people your age having children? I'm 25. It's normal, and advisable before 30 anyway before the risk of birth defects and problematic pregnancies rise. When was the last time you were at a park? Jeez... the very beginning of this year, I wanna say? I was taking family pictures for someone. Do you feel like going to funerals helps you in the grieving process? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Especially as an adult. How do you feel about the whole organic food craze? I'm not educated enough on this to have a proper opinion. Who was the last person you heard snore? My mom, at some point. Is there a TV show you’ve wanted to start watching but never gotten around to? Even though I don't really watch TV, there are some I'm interested in, like The Witcher. Have you ever worn something out in public that made other people stare at you? Oh god, I would avoid that so hard, so probably not. Do you ever make an effort to look stylish or fashionable? Or do you not care about that? I really don't care. I wear what's comfortable. When was the last time you were in denial about something? What about? Idk. Have you ever worn fake eyelashes? If not, would you ever try wearing them? No, but I probably will for my hypothetical wedding. Is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy? Yeah; Roman, for one. I should be able to list far more, having taken Art History, where architecture played a big part... When’s the last time you made the best of a bad situation? Hm, I dunno. If you watch Parks and Recreation, who is your favorite character? N/A Do you listen to Fall Out Boy? Yeah, they're great. Have you ever been skiing or snowboarding? No. Have you ever forged a note for something at school? No. Are you a YouTube addict? Oh, for sure. I'm always on there. Have you ever found a four leaf clover? Many, actually! It's funny, at our old place, the day my father abandoned my family, I found an actual PATCH of four-leaf clovers right outside. I doubt it meant anything, but it was still cool. From that year on, that spot always had lots of four-leaf ones. Are you good at lighting fires? I wouldn't know. I'm scared to. Name someone who is an excellent listener? Sara. <3 Would you mind living to 100 years old if you were in semi-decent health? Define "semi-decent." If I could still care for myself fine, then sure, I guess? 100 still seems pretty... bold for me, though. How did your parents meet one another? They were co-workers. When's the last time you got heartburn? What do you think caused it? I haven't had it in a while because I have to take a prescription antacid. It's embarrassing to admit, but it's because of my weight; chronic heartburn is common for people of my size. I know for sure that it's the culprit in my case, because when I lost a load of weight? It went away and stayed gone until I started gaining weight back. What's your favorite red fruit? Strawberriessss. Do you enjoy sour candies? If so, which ones? omfg yesssss. Give me like ANY sour candy. Would you want a chance to visit Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory? Ha, it's funny, the first thing that came to mind was hell yeah, so long as I could bring my camera. Can you imagine the photographs? Goddamn right I'd try some candy too, but I'm more interested in the art of it all, really. What is one quirk about each of your parents that you can't stand? Dad is easy: he repeats the FUCK out of himself. Like oh my god. He will cycle a conversation by saying the same exact thing so, so many times. As for Mom... I don't know about a quirk that I can't stand. Have you ever suffered from amnesia before? After I awoke from fainting and receiving a concussion, I did briefly. Like I couldn't remember what happened and was just crying, but it came back to me with time. Do you live with roommates? I live with my mother. Does your body feel older than it actually is? My body feels ancient. Were you always picked last in gym class? I wouldn't say last, but I wasn't a first pick, for sure. Has someone close to you ever passed away from cancer? Pets have. My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, but we were never close, I'd say. Which form of martial arts would you be most interested in trying? Ngl, I don't know almost any names and what moves they entail. Which type of shoe dominates your wardrobe? Converse. The last time you were high, what was it off of? Never been high. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)? If they had no interest in getting one, I don't think I could. How would you react if your artwork became famous? Cry. A lot. But in a wonderful way. Have you ever seen an alligator in person? Yeah. I love those lil 'ole dinos. Most instances were at the zoo, but I actually very clearly remember seeing one in a watery ditch following Hurricane Floyd when the local zoo was destroyed. The alligators got out. What does the inside of your shower look like? It's a... normal tub/shower? What primary color is your Christmas tree? It's always green. When I have my own place, I reeeaaaally want a black one with faux snowy tips, white garland, and red ornaments. What is the stupidest thing you’ve done to a friend’s pet? Nothing? Have you ever seen a snake in the road? I have. Have you ever been to the Kentucky Derby? No. Have you ever heard a wolf howl? Not in person, no. When in a race, do you usually win? Ya girl doesn't race. I don't remember if I did any as a kid. Do you get sleepy when you ride in the car? Yes. How is your credit rating? I don't have one. Do you know anyone who lives in Hawaii? Yeah, a cousin of mine. What was the last phone conversation you had about? I was giving someone permission to talk to my mother about some financial stuff. How spicy do you like your food? Spicy, but not as hot as I used to enjoy. I've come to a point where I want to focus more on enjoying the food than the adrenaline of fighting the heat of what I'm eating. When was the last time you were in a very good mood? Two days ago when my boyfriend came over and we were watching some shows together. Who is at your house right now? Just Mom and me. Have you faced any of your fears lately? I mean, it's nothing major at all, but signing myself in and out of doctor appointments gives me anxiety. My mom used to do it for me, but I've been doing it for awhile now. Have you slept next to the last person you kissed? No. We both needed a nap the other day, but we've agreed sleeping together while my nightmares are being figured out is a very bad idea in case I lash out in my sleep and hurt him because I would fucking sob. Has your father met the boy you currently love? Yeah. But not everyone loves boys, you know. Are you closer with your siblings or cousins? Siblings. I barely ever see my cousins because my extended family doesn't live in NC. How many people have you really fell for? Three. Last thing to make you smile? Some stupid meme on Facebook lol. Does the person you like, like you too? Ye! Next event you’ll wear a dress to: Idk. Is there someone in your past you thought you’d never get over, and then did? Believe this shit or not... I haven't been thinking of Jason as much lately. I VERY much doubt I'll ever be totally over him, but I'm very much focused on and into my current boyfriend. How many arguments have you had with the last person you dated? We've actually never argued. Your girlfriend/boyfriend buys you flowers, you say? With our sense of humor, I'd probably say some shit like, "You killed them for me?" in an adoring voice, ha ha. Describe your life in one word? Dull. Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo? No, but he wants a sleeve tattoo AND I AM SO FUCKING FOR IT Were you intoxicated the last time you threw up? Nope.

[huesofthemorning]

Yours Truly, a Friend: Chapter 2

Pairing: NozoEli, NicoEli, eventual NozoNicoEli

Words: 3300

Summary:  Nozomi knows well of friendships lost, but it’s time she learned of friendships gained. A simple letter from thousands of miles away can be the start of everything.

Notes: The next chapter, as requested by several people. I’ll make an attempt to continue and finish this story, but unfortunately I can’t promise anything

Prologue | Chapter 1

Dear Eli,

How’s Japan treating you so far? Two weeks in, and surely you’re a pro already! How is it? Are you finding your way around okay? Has anything exciting happened yet? Are you remembering to take your shoes off when you get inside? That’s important, ya know! As for me, I’m nearing the end of my current project, I’m sad to say. I’ll miss the girls when it’s over. And I guess I’ll have to find a new job, huh? The trials of adulthood never end.

It’s strange, though… I feel like I’m right on the edge of something. The edge of a cliff, perhaps? And it’s a long way down to the bottom, but there’s a bridge I could take… I just have to be brave enough to take that first step. Or maybe I’ve already fallen? Maybe I’ve caught myself on a ledge, unable to move, and there’s a hand reaching out to me from above. Should I take that hand, and risk slipping and falling farther, or should I stay where I am, stuck but safe? Surely the reward for getting out must be far greater than the risk.

What do you think? Have you ever felt this way? Is my imagination getting away from me?

Lots of love,

Nozomi <3

~*~

Eli liked to think of herself as someone who was composed, someone who could adapt flawlessly to any situation with grace. She had cultivated that persona for years, holding her head high and hiding all traces of bewilderment she might feel when the world throws her for a loop. She had mastered the art of it all – or so she had thought.

“I’ve been to Moscow a hundred times,” she muttered under her breath, “I shouldn’t be this lost in a city.”

Eli glared at the gps on her phone, then spun in a circle and glared at the buildings surrounding her. People pushed past her on all sides, chattering away; cars flew down the road; even the wind whistling through the tall buildings was deafening. It near overwhelmed Eli, and the knowledge that this was a quiet time of day terrified her.

Already, Eli was missing her quiet life in her small Russian village. Sure, there was nothing to do there, and she had long grown tired of seeing the same faces day in and day out, but at least she could breathe. Even when she managed to find her way back to her apartment, she wouldn’t be able to block out the noise.

“Oh my god, you’re gorgeous,” a voice said.

Well, Eli wasn’t a quitter – except sometimes, when she was, but that was in the past, and she wasn’t going to be like that anymore – and she was simply going to have to get used to it. She just needed some time, is all.

“Hey, do you have a map?” the voice continued. “Cause I think I’m lost in your eyes.”

“Oh.” Eli finally noticed the young woman standing in front of her. She was short, even for the Japanese, and she wore a bright smile that Eli felt she could trust. What had she said? Everyone spoke so fast here – was it something about being lost? That must be it. “Ah, yes, I’ve gotten a little turned around.  Would you mind giving me directions?”

The woman looked surprised for a moment – had Eli said something wrong? – but she bounced back instantly. “Oh, you’re new here! That’s great! I’m Yazawa Nico, just Nico is fine, and I’ll be your tour guide! I’ll show you alllllllll the wonders of Japan, don’t you worry.”

Nico hooked her arm through Eli’s, who for the first time in years found herself unable to keep up with what was happening, and pulled her down the street.

“So! European, right? You’ve got to be, with those blue eyes. What country? My first guess was France, but you don’t sound French, at least I don’t think so. German maybe? Russian? What other countries are over there… Ukraine? Norway? Chile? Wait, no, that’s one of the Americas, isn’t it? I was never very good with geography. Hey! Have you ever thought about dancing?”

Eli gaped at Nico. What had she gotten herself into? At least Nico’s barrage of questions had been said at a slower pace than before, and once Eli pulled herself together she realized she had managed to understand it all.

“Yes, I’m Russian, but I’m actually more Japanese than Russian, it’s just been a while since I’ve been here…” Fifteen years, to be exact. Eli had planned on coming back sooner, possibly for high school, but life got in the way, and now she barely remembered anything about the country. “And I used to dance, but not anymore.”

“Perfect! I knew it the moment I saw you!” Nico nodded to herself, as if acknowledging what a genius she was. She dragged Eli into a random building, sat her down at a table, disappeared, and returned a few moments later with two steaming cups of something in her hands. Nico moved fast, slipping around people and darting through the crowds, and between watching her and breathing in the smell of coffee that filled the small café, Eli was almost dizzy. She took the cup Nico handed her gratefully.

“I forgot to ask what you like,” Nico said, “so I just got hot chocolate, because who actually likes coffee? I mean, my friend Maki does, but she’s a med student and I think an addiction to coffee is required for graduation, so she doesn’t count. Also, what’s your name?”

“Elizaveta Alexandrovna,” Eli said, sipping her hot chocolate and grimacing as it burned her tongue. Nico gave her a blank stare and Eli sighed. Right. Japan. “Eli in Japanese. Ayase Eli.”

“Cool. What’re you doing in Japan, Eli? Visiting? Moving?”

“Moving. I graduated university a year ago, but I couldn’t find any interesting work back home, so I thought I’d try here. Plus…” Eli hesitated a moment, then continued on. “I have a friend here, we’ve been sending each other letters for years, and it’d be nice to finally meet in person.”

“What, you two were pen pals or something?” Nico scoffed at the idea. “That’s stupid. This is the twenty-first century, we have phones and webcams. Use those and you can find out someone’s abandoned you after a week, instead of waiting 3 months for a letter that will never come.”

“What?”

“Anyway!” The odd darkness that had clouded Nico’s eyes vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and she was back to her sunny and dazzling self an instant later. “When are you going to meet this mystery friend of yours?”

“I don’t know… We haven’t really talked about it yet.”

“Seriously? Come on! How long have you two been friends?”

“About ten years.”

“Ten years! And you’re not racing down the streets to throw yourself in their arms? What kind of friends are you?”

“Well… It’s kinda nerve wracking, isn’t it?” Eli gave a sheepish grin. “I like to think I know her pretty well, but talking in person is a lot different than writing. And what would we do? We’ve never had to… do anything together before.”

“You could see a movie? Go bowling? Go to an arcade? An amusement park? Take a walk through the park? Go to the beach? See touristy stuff? Go-”

“Okay, okay, I get it! There’s lots of things to do!” They laughed together, and Eli felt her nervousness ease, just a little.

They left the café a little while later, Nico leading the way to Eli’s apartment. She pointed out various landmarks that Eli tried her best to commit to memory, and talked nonsense the rest of the time. Eli had tuned her out by the end of it, which she felt bad about, but it was exhausting going from Japanese class once a week to full immersion with native speakers. She needed a nap.

“And ta-da! Home sweet home, right?” Nico gestured to the apartment building, which Eli was slowly beginning to think of as hers.

“Yes, thank you Nico. You were a great help.” Eli made her way to the door with relief, Nico following a few steps behind.

“So, hey, Eli, you want to go out with me?” Nico asked, and Eli paused on the threshold.

Did she? She supposed it wouldn’t hurt to have another friend here, especially one in the area. Somehow, she got this feeling that hanging around Nico could lead to more trouble than it was worth, with her impulsive actions… but Eli had had fun, and moving to a new country meant taking risks, didn’t it?

“Alright,” Eli decided. “Message me if you want to meet up, then. My job doesn’t start for another couple weeks, so I should be free whenever.”

Nico grinned, raising her hands up in some weird pose. “You got it!”

~*~

Dear Nozomi,

I ran into the oddest person the other day…

Nico’s words kept spinning around in Eli’s mind. There was no doubt about it: the correct course of action was to ask Nozomi to meet up. She couldn’t imagine Nozomi saying no, and surely they would be able to find something to do. Still, there was that fluttering of her heart that came up whenever she read one of Nozomi’s letters, or whenever she looked at that jar slowly filling up with paper stars, and it made her hesitate.

Eli folded the 484th star, finished the letter, and didn’t write anything at all about getting together.

~*~

Eli’s phone buzzed early in the morning, and she groaned as she opened her eyes to sunlight. Buying curtains was moving up in her priority list. A fan, too, she decided, as she spotted the blanket lying on the floor. She had vague memories of kicking it off during the night, unable to deal with the heat. The phone vibrated again, and Eli fumbled through the clutter piled on her night stand until she found it.

11:03 am, the screen read. Not that early, then, and she couldn’t use jet lag as an excuse anymore. Well, she was technically on vacation, so she was allowed to sleep in. Eli yawned and pushed herself into an upright position.  

“It’s your favorite up and coming idol, Nico-Nii!” the message read, “I compleeeeeeeeeeeetely forgot to ask you something important the other day. Think you can find the coffee shop again and meet me there? You won’t regret it, I promise!”

The gps said the café was a 20 minute walk. Eli gave herself an hour to hunt down the place, and prided herself on getting there in 45 minutes. She bought a chocolate latte and sat down at the same table as before. Nico walked in a short while later, looking almost dressed up in her pink blouse and doodle-print skirt. It was a cute look.

“You actually made it!” Nico said, dropping herself in the chair. “I’m surprised. I thought I’d have to rescue you again.”

“I’m not completely hopeless.”

“Yeah? How long did it take you?”

Eli took a sip of her drink instead of answering and ignored Nico’s smirk. “Anyways, what was that important question you had?”

“Oh yeah! You said you knew how to dance, right?”

“I did, but…”

“What about singing? You have any experience with that?”

“Not really, no.”

“Well, that’s fine. Your accent is a bit thick, but your voice is nice, so there shouldn’t be any problems.”

“Wait, problems with what? What are you talking about?”

“My idol group, of course!” Nico said it with such confidence and energy that Eli almost nodded in understanding before she realized that she still had no idea what Nico was talking about.

“Your… idol group? You mean, like a celebrity?”

“Sure. But idols are better, and a whole lot cuter! I’m aiming to be the number one idol in the entire universe! Me and my friend Maki are forming an idol group together. We’re going to debut soon, but we’re looking for one more member first. That’s where you come in!”

“What? Hold on-”

“You said you’re free for a couple weeks, right? That’s plenty of time to catch up on the dance moves, and we’re almost done with the song, and then we can find time to meet outside of work. Of course, once we make it big, we’ll have to practice full time, so don’t get too attached to your job, okay?”

“Wait, wait, I haven’t agreed to anything yet. Why are you picking me for this?”

“Uh, because you’re hot? And you just have that talented look about you, too. I’ve got a sense for this stuff, you know! I can see it now,” Nico said, stars in her eyes, “your face on magazine covers, the headlines crying out about the new foreign star, Ayase Elizabeth-“

“Elizaveta.”

“Same thing?”

“As same as Nico and Nicole.”

“That’s kinda cute, actually.”

Eli sighed heavily. “Nico, I appreciate the offer, but I’m not interested in joining your idol group.”

“Aw, come on. Why not?”

“Because… because I have enough stuff to do right now, and I’m going to like my new job, and I haven’t danced in over eight years and I’m not planning on starting again.”

“Why not?” Nico asked again, and this time she had a more serious look in her eyes. Still, Eli wasn’t about to open up to someone she had just met, new friend or not.

“It’s complicated,” Eli said, and met Nico’s suspicious look with a firm one.

“Well, fine,” Nico decided after a moment. “But you’ll still come with me to meet Maki, right? I told her I was bringing you over, and she’ll make fun of me if I don’t.”

“I suppose that’s fine, just meeting her…” Even as Eli said it, she had a nagging feeling that she should be saying no. The more distance she put between herself and dance, the better, and this was getting to close for comfort.

“Awesome!” Nico jumped out of her chair, full of energy. “Let’s get going then!”

Eli shook her head helplessly and followed Nico out the door. What had she gotten herself into?

“So, our group,” Nico started, leading the way down the street. She grabbed Eli’s hand as they walked, and Eli almost jumped at the contact. Nico didn’t seem to notice. “Right now, we’re thinking of calling our group BiBi. It doesn’t really mean anything, but it sounds pretty cool, right? We’ve got that one song I mentioned mostly done, and I’m writing lyrics for a second one. Maki’s the musician, except she only plays piano, and who’s ever heard of a classical music idol song? No one, that’s who, so I’ve been helping her play around with some fancy music software. It sounded pretty terrible at first, but I think we’ve finally gotten somewhere! And of course, dancing is easy. Maki could use a little more enthusiasm though. She’s kinda bland sometimes.”

“Uh huh,” Eli said, still distracted by Nico’s hand. Was this what friends in Japan did? Hold hands as they walked down the street? She had so much more to learn than she thought. Normally she’d be bothered by it, but… it was kind of nice, actually. For some reason, it made her think of Nozomi. Is this what Nozomi would do, when they finally met up? Eli still felt a pang of regret for her inaction. Next letter, for sure, she would ask.

Nico didn’t let go of Eli’s hand until they reached their destination. She led the way through the building, past classrooms filled with tired looking students. It was Maki’s university, Nico explained. She had gotten permission from the school to use the auditorium for a couple hours every few days, which was much nicer than Nico’s cramped apartment.

“Sounds like she’s already here,” Nico said, hearing the faint music floating down the hallway. They found her at the base of the stage, completely at home on the grand piano, playing like the rest of the world didn’t exist. They listened quietly, Nico with impatience and Eli with awe at the beauty of it. Maki hit the last few notes with a lingering sadness for the end of the song, and the music faded away. She ran her fingers silently over the key before turning around.

“You’re late,” Maki said, throwing Nico an annoyed look before turning to Eli. “And you’re the new member Nico is dragging into this mess?”

“Yes. I mean, no, I’m not joining your group, I just came because Nico wanted me to meet you, or something…” Eli paused, glancing between Nico’s smirk and Maki’s disinterested look. “I’m Ayase Eli, by the way. Your piano playing is marvelous.”

Maki’s whole expression changed at the compliment, mouth dropping open and eyes widening. She forced her surprise into a frown, but she couldn’t hide her red cheeks. She coughed, turning away and playing with a lock of hair. “Er, thanks. I’m Nishikino Maki.”

Nico laughed. “Oh, man, this is going to be fun. Hey, Maki! Why don’t we show Eli our song? Give her a taste of the idol world!”

“Do we have to? I’d rather do singing warm ups first.”

“That’s boring, I don’t want to. Oh, yeah, speaking of boring things – you find a producer yet?”

“How is that boring? We can’t do anything without a producer. And yes, I think so. My friend says she knows someone.”

“Your giiiiiiiiiiiiirlfriend, you mean?”

Maki turned truly red at that, standing up and stomping her foot. “She’s not my girlfriend, stop saying that!”

Nico practically cackled at that, and even Eli wanted to laugh at the childish display, though she hid her smile behind her hand.

“Anyways!” Nico said, setting up the speakers she pulled out of her bag, “let’s do that song.”

“Fine,” Maki growled, “but just one run through. Then we’re doing warm ups.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever you want.” Nico hopped on stage and gave Eli a bright smile. “Here’s the deal, okay? You said you’re not going to dance again, and that’s fine. I’ll respect that. But you didn’t say that you didn’t want to dance again, so I’m guessing that, maybe, deep down, you actually want to keep going. I could be wrong! But if you truly don’t want to dance again – prove it. If you watch us dance, and you don’t feel any urge to join us, then I won’t bug you about it anymore. But if you do feel that urge, if I see you tapping your foot or singing along – you have to join us. Got it?”

The speech was the last thing Eli expected. She would have to join them? If she showed any enjoyment in their performance, she would have to join them? There was a heat growing in her chest, and as she pushed through her shock, Eli realized she was angry. She’d met Nico three days ago; this was their second interaction; how dare Nico try and control her life?  What gave her the right? Eli had quit ballet because she was a failure, through and through, and that was never going to change. She would never be good at dancing. She would never get better. That’s the way it was, and as much as it hurt, it would hurt even more to pretend there was hope. Did she want to keep dancing? Of course she did. Of course. There was nothing she wanted more in the world, and Nico was treating it like a joke. Like Eli was hiding that desire away because she was scared. Like her soul could be bargained with.

Eli glared at Nico, fists clenched, fury burning in her blue eyes – but Nico didn’t back down. And for some reason, once again, Eli thought of Nozomi:

Maybe I’ve already fallen. Maybe I’ve caught myself on a ledge, unable to move, and there’s a hand reaching out to me from above… Surely the reward must be greater than the risk.

Surely the reward…

Have you ever felt this way?

The anger drained out of Eli.

“Alright,” she said softly, collapsing into a front row chair, “You have yourself a deal.”

[paulinegill89]

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