#the bastard cookbook

[basuralindo]

Hey I'm dropping a crepe recipe because there's still people around who think they're hard to make and I'm sick of french food being romanticized to the point of inaccessibility.

I call this a 3-2-1 method to make it easy to remember; 3 eggs, 2 cups water/fluid of choice, 1 cup flour.

I'm sparing you the obligatory backstory on my path to cooking extremely flat pancakes because we both know that neither of us care. If you want to hear me overshare check my blog between 1-4am pacific time.

•Anyway, start with three eggs and beat with a fork until they're all one color (you can use a whisk or an egg beater but I hate the extra steps. Fork it):

•Add 1 cup flour:

•Add whatever dry flavoring you want (I usually go with cinnamon and cardamom, today we're doing matcha cause that happens to be what I'm cooking. Some mornings caffeine is meant to be eaten):

•Add sugar to taste if desired. It's not necessary for the recipe, and if you've managed to add enough to throw off the consistency you've got other shit to worry about, so follow your heart. I usually use like two tablespoons or so (I prefer brown, but white tastes better with matcha):

•Decide on your fluid of choice. Water and/or milk is the usual, but you can do literally whatever you want; hot cocoa, coffee, tea, soda -whatever you want them to taste like. Go nuts with it. Use soup if you want idgaf it's between you and your chosen god at this point. I recommend starting with 2 cups for simplicity, but you can add more if needed for the right consistency. At this point I just eyeball it tbh.

•Add a little at a time and start mixing until it's as smooth as you can get (this is also where you'd add wet flavorings, like vanilla extract):

•Add the rest until the batter is roughly the consistency of heavy whipping cream, or like thin tomato soup (if you actually ran with the soup joke, add a little water to thin it out). Just get it to where it's still a little viscous but will run if you pour it on the pan:

•For best results cover and let it sit in the fridge overnight or for a few hours (it will separate a little, just mix it again). For last minute "I forgot to prep this last night but I really want crepes" results, we're putting it aside while I wash dishes and heat up the pan.

•Ladle out like ¼ cups worth onto a hot lubricated pan (butter or cooking oil, medium heat) and swirl it until it coats the bottom. Don't stress if it looks like shit the first few times, that's what practice is for, add a little more fluid if it's not spreading well:

•cook until the top is no longer wet and edges start to lighten:

•Flip it with either a very flat spatula or sheer hubris (spatula recommended for beginners), and cook for like 45 seconds (I have no sense of time), then slide it onto a plate:

•Top with whatever you want and try whatever folds/rolls you saw in that one show that made you think these were cool.

Go forth, have fun, eat well.

(if you want an even easier method with only mild sacrifice to quality: mix a couple eggs and some extra fluid into your leftover pancake batter and leave it in the fridge for the next morning)

[indelibleevidence]

People with low spoons, someone just recommended this cookbook to me, so I thought I'd pass it on.

I always look at cookbooks for people who have no energy/time to do elaborate meal preparations, and roll my eyes. Like, you want me to stay on my feet for long enough to prepare 15 different ingredients from scratch, and use 5 different pots and pans, when I have chronic fatigue and no dishwasher?

These people seem to get it, though. It's very simple in places. It's basically the cookbook for people who think, 'I'm really bored of those same five low-spoons meals I eat, but I can't think of anything else to cook that won't exhaust me'.

And it's free!

[zillanovikov]

Sad Bastard Expectations

It's 2025, and we're sadder than ever!

Maybe it's time for a Sad Bastard Cookbook sequel? Maybe a spin-off for parents of small children? Maybe both?

I'm new here. What's a Sad Bastard Cookbook?

Glad you asked! We wrote a cookbook full of judgement-free recipes you can make when you're suffering from mental illness, physical disability, poverty, or anything else late-stage capitalism throws up that makes basic self-care feel impossible. Some of the recipes were our own, some we collected from the community.

The ebook is free--you can download a copy here if you wanna check it out.

I'm a community! Or at least, a Person! Can I contribute my recipe for survival food?

YES PLEASE.

If you have a survival recipe that you make for yourself, or to feed a baby, toddler, or small child, please share that recipe here.

I’m a fan of the original Sad Bastard Cookbook—when will the new ones be here?

We really have no idea. We’re in the very early planning and writing stages of the two projects, but when we have more information, you’ll probably see it here first!

[diaphanouswings]

[confessionsdiaz]

The sad bastards book is so fun where else will I find "Our society makes it financially costly to be physically or mentally unwell because it doesn’t consider human life to be intrinsically valuable." Under a section on pancakes

[gotheggnog]

"Who spoke the summoning rites"

"Who's up for fresh calamari tonight"

A beautiful mind crafted these lyrics.

[faintingviolet]

The Sad Bastard Cookbook (CBR15 #22)

When my brain is cooperating, I enjoy cooking. But as a neurodivergent person who lives by herself and absolutely has no idea what is presently in my refrigerator at any time (yes, even immediately after going to the grocery store) keeping myself fed has always been an interesting challenge that I attempt to hide from the world around me. I also tend to get stuck in eating the same thing over and…

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

The most uncomfortable feeling ever is watching Sausage Party while eating.

EDIT: Okay ignore the tags. I watched the last 25 minutes of it and they were certainly not as profound as the beginning. I knew there was a food sex scene but holy mother of god

[dullahandyke]

Also I need to stsrt collecting sad cookbooks I need it. I have a ciuple but I want one that takes me by the hand and sloooowly introduces me to foods one ingredient at a time. Full page of recipe titled 'YOU CAN EAT A BELL PEPPER'

[basuralindo]

I've been fucking around experimenting with a new kind of frosting, and just made the most DMV lighting ass cake

Yes I know the decorating is shit that's not important. This thing is the color of a florida motel room in the 70s where you'd discover a dead body. It's giving the walls you stare at while waiting to get foodstamps. Hollywood rendition of a tijuana afternoon. It is Beige and Gruelingly Depressing.

Anyway the flavors are butterscotch and custard. You can make a light fluffy and not-overly-sweet frosting by adding pudding mix to whipped cream. (if using instant pudding, whip the cream until it makes very soft peaks before adding pudding mix, then beat the rest of the way. for stovetop pudding mix, add to cream before beating). The proportions are 100g pudding mix to 500g cream (or one pint of cream to one box of pudding)

Here's my much more aesthetic first attempt (red velvet cake with cheesecake flavored pudding-cream frosting)

[sawyerquinnbrown]

I hate to cook for myself. Give me a house of 6, 10, 20 people and yes, cooking is fantastic! I have Contributed! I have Made Others Happy! But just for me? No, no, no. Too Much Effort. When I make food for myself, it is Curséd food. Not delicious; merely sustenance. So for a while there I was subsisting on frozen food that I could make in the toaster oven. Okay by ‘a while’ I mean years, and by…

[zillanovikov]

want more sad bastards in your life?

the OG sad bastard, Rachel A. Rosen herself, of sad bastard cookbook authorship fame (or infamy?) is giving a talk about her process and her book!

unfortunately you probably don't live near welland library, but fortunately it's an online talk!

March 22, hear about the sobbing behind the best-selling(?) free cookbook!

Welland Library

[saphiracat]

I find the Sad Bastard Cookbook [x] exceptionally helpful on those days.

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

[scholarlysalamander42]

Its been a Day. Its been a couple Days tbh. I've been a sad noodle. Here's soup about it.

Chicken Soup For Sad Noodles:

Ramen pack (1-3 depending on how much I'm making. 2 usually means I get seconds)

Better than bullion Chicken paste, idk like 2 reg spoons, so maybe a tablespoon

Siracha garlic paste, like a bit less than half a reg spoon

Jarlic (jar garlic), somewhere between a tiny bit and half a reg spoon

1 eggy

Heat water, ramen gets added immediately to make it cook more fast

add the flavor goops

When your goops are heated and dissolved, try yo soup and fix yo broth. (idk how much water you put in, don't have sad bland water soup, just add more goop here)

Wait until ramen noodles are mostly done, crack 1 eggy into soup.

Wait idk a couple minutes until the yolk is cooked

bam! soup.

Notes: if you don't have chicken goop you can use a chicken ramen packet, a bullion cube or 3, actual stock like in a container or home made, whatev, they all work.

I like Jarlic and Sriracha. Put in what you like, not what I like.

Just taste it. If its too salty? Add more water. Water that tastes like chicken lacroix? Add more flavor.

You don't need the egg, but if you feel like a sad noodle you probably need the egg for protein if nothing else.

Honestly if you had like leftover rotisserie chicken bits you could toss them in too? Use what you have.

[scifimagpie]

My friends made a thing!

[lilacface]

Long story short: I had the munchies and a bland peach.

Ive seen people do fruit sandwiches before, but it looked too... wet. Soggy bread is awful. So I made my own thing.

Its kinda a cinnamon toast mixed with a peach crumble I guess? Lmao

Just writing it down so I can remember to try it again.

No ingredient measurements. Eyeballs only.

I mixed brown and white sugar together with some cinnamon, ginger powder, and oats.

Smoosh that all together with some butter.

Cut the peaches as thin as possible and then lay them over a piece of bread. (better crunch if you give it a wee bit of colour in the toaster first)

Place oat and sugar mixture in an even layer over the peach slices.

Chuck in the mini-oven, air fryer, whatever. But watch close because the sugars can burn real quick.

Bake until the top layer is crispy and the peaches are just a lil caramelized around the edges.

I wish I had ice cream for the side because it would have scored 100% in my books.