#the delusion is hereditary

[localparalysisdemon]

I don't write my oc lore I get divine inspiration from an unknown higher power and it channels into the comprehensible realm through my mostly inept mind as a vessel

[a-d-nox]

what's a dna (asteroid 55555) persona? what can a dna persona chart show you?

hypothetically, your dna chart can tell you more about the genetic predisposition of your health, what genetic diseases and mutations you are at risk for, your ancestry, and your genetic traits.

mini disclaimer: genetic/ethnicity/ancestry can be a delicate subject for a lot of people - this is is topical post about what the planets and houses could mean. i am not a doctor or geneticist - this chart can not be used to diagnose health issues/problems or anything else with 100% accuracy.

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

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sun

your genetic identity, your projected vitality, genetic predispositions you should pay attention to, genetic prominence, genetic connects to royal/famous/infamous individuals, and/or how your genetics are different from your ancestors / what makes you an individual (not a clone - or perhaps different from a twin)

moon

what you inherited from your mother, your family's heritage, how your ancestors have adapt/evolved to make you who you are today, neanderthal ancestry ratios, hereditary menstrual issues, genetic fertility factors, and/or the brca / pcos / uterine fibroids gene

mercury

genetic mental health conditions, neurological conditions/diseases, taste/smell/hearing, how you can change your genetic "fate," what genetics can be forgot, aptitude to speak the languages of your ancestors, and/or how your daily routine affects your genetics (nature versus nurture)

venus

genetic attraction / who you attract to create viable offspring that is meant to survive, your genetic beauty, your ability to preform self love (aka your ability to cope with hereditary depression and anxiety), genetic hair type, genetic femininity (xx, x0, xxx, etc), genetics you share with a majority of your family, values and festivities with have due to heritage, genetics diabetes, genetic cheerfulness versus depression, and/or pcos gene

mar

genetic confidence in public speaking, competitiveness that makes your genes superior to past generations, genetic athleticism / muscle composition, genetic masculinity (xy, xxy, etc), genetic dominance, and/or prone to violence (neanderthal influence)

jupiter

where you are lucky in the genetic lottery, where you have an abundance of genetic information, where are successful in breaking genetic trends, your opportunity to beat the genetic odds, your knowledge of your genetic makeup, genetic blessings, where you can afford to be optimistic about your health, and/or genetic predisposition to macular degeneration

saturn

what you should work hard to be your genetic makeup, genetic health challenges, what you inherited from your father, genetics fears/anxieties, how long you can live if you are healthy, your genetic limitations, ancestry, genetic deficiencies, and/or the effort you make to beat your genetics

uranus

genetics of social anxiety, sudden changes historical genetics - where you are the first in your family diagnosed with a genetic mutation/disorder, what makes you genetically unique, and/or shocking/unexpected ancestry/origin

neptune

genetic alcoholism/escapism, hidden genetic knowledge or ancestry, delusions surrounding your heritage, disappearance of heritage, and/or the fascination you have with your ancestry and genetic

pluto

genetic transformation, the power in your genes, genetic sex, destructive genes, you genetic projected death, regenerative genes, your obsession with your genetics and heritage, and/or your genetic evolution

1h

genetic identity/self, outward physical traits / appearance, physical body, physical genetic build, genetic individuality, and/or passion for genetics

2h

genetic wealth, effort you put in to beat your genetics, genetic material, values surrounding your heritage, genetic stability, giving/receiving your heritage, and resources surrounding your genetics

3h

how your genetics are communicated, genetic mental health issues and disabilities, your opinions about your heritage, how you can consciously fight your genetics, genetic relationship with your siblings, interest in your heritage and genetics, and/or information you have on your ancestry and genetics

4h

genetic/familial origins and roots, your parents genetics, how you were treated in childhood based on your genetics, heredity traits, traditions you upload because of your heritage, and/or genetic femininity

5h

your children's genetics, creative methods of celebrating your heritage, who you are attracted to based on genetics/ethnicity, vacations you take to reconnect with your heritage/ethnicity, hobbies/festivities/traditions that are related to your ethnicity, and/or genetic fertility (pcos, fibroids, etc)

6h

how your daily routine is affecting your genetics or rather triggering your genetics, your genetic health, how fitness/hygiene/medication/diet can benefit for life expectancy because of genetic factors, the self improvement you do to fight genetic pre-destiny, how consistency aids/harms your health, how you help others to better understand their origin, and/or genetic analytics

7h

your significant others' ethnicity/heritage, genetic attraction, genetic attractiveness, contracts with genetic storage banks (for instance mine is in a 23&me storage data bank), how others treat you based on your genetics, and/or genetics share with those in your family

8h

dna mutations, projected longevity based on your genetic makeup, changes you should make to live longer, how much time invest into getting to know more about your genetics and heritage, what you inherited from your ancestors genetically, genetic reproductive rates, assets of your ethnicity, secrets about your ethnicity, the spiritual transformation that occurs when you learn more about your heritage/roots, and/or trauma related to race/ethnicity/heritage

9h

beliefs/religion/ideologies associated with your roots, what can learn about your heritage/ethnicity, languages associated with your roots, where your ancestors immigrated or where they emigrated from, genetic ethics, and/or what you can learn about your ancestors

10h

your genetic legacy/offspring, what the world believes your origins are, how you can beat genetics, long-term health goals you may have, what you inherit from your father, and/or genetic experts in your life

11h

what you gain from having knowledge of your ancestors, genetics you share with a half sibling, what makes you genetically unique, how technology can help you learn more about your genetic background, social awareness you have others ethnicities/culture/heritages, and/or how your genes manifest

12h

how you can heal using your genetic information, the hidden features of your genetic code, your projected age, how well you sleep based on your genetics, mental health issues you have a predisposition to, genetic fears you have in place so that you can survive, what you don't know about your genetics, and/or how you should restrict yourself to promote longevity/vitality

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[lycanuel]

🦴enter the den ? . . .

disclaimer: this is not roleplay or delusion, but those who are roleplaying or delusional are allowed to follow and interact. please do not call me delusional, as this can trigger my paranoia and cause me to spiral into not believing my own experiences / reality, which could send me into psychosis.

hello !! my names samuel :D im 16, i use he/it, and im a newly awakened physical shifter.

i've been in the nonhuman community for about 6 or 7 years now, starting in the.. shivers, tiktok therian community, but i've identified as nonhuman since i was old enough to form the thought "im not human", and have regularly experienced mental and phantom limb shifts throughout my entire life.

i am a wolf / werewolf and an eastern dragon. i also have other kins, but those spiritual and not physical. im also pretty sure im a vampyre,,,

besides being a shapeshifter, im also a witch, irl magi / irl chuunibyou, reality shifter, astral projector, a kinetic ability practicioner, and an incarnate :D BUT, you dont need to know what even half of those words mean since this blog is entirely about me being a shapeshifter.

my irl magi / chunni account is @samagii , go follow if you're interested in my larger magical activities and duties !!

im also the host of a DID system, besides being a p-shifter im also otherkin and holothere, queer, trans (genderqueer + ftm), and am physically and mentally disabled. i consider my disabilities the result of being physically nonhuman, and as for my genetic disabilities, the result of my shapeshifting abilities being possibly hereditary.

i worship Loki and Gaia / Mother Earth, and work with Madokami / the Law Of Cycles (a pop culture deity).

dni / dnf

bigots, right wing / maga, queer exclus, anti endo, harass ppl, anti shifter, anti p-shifters / phys nonhumans, irl magical heroes, anti pop culture paganism, anti chaos magick, against self dx, fakeclaim ppl, ableist, reality check ppl w/o their consent, force recovery on those who aren't ready / dont want to recover, think fiction ALWAYS or NEVER affects reality (theres nuance !!!), think fiction can make someone into a pedo / zoo / etc, equate fictional stories and drawings of characters that dont exist to the real harm of real people (esp equating that fictional content to the harm of real children, as a survivor of grooming, csa, csem, and underage... work, its insanely offensive to say a drawing is just as bad as the photos of child me that are still out there), terf / radfem, zionists / pro israel, supports a two state solution, "cluster b abuse" believers and similar ideas of mental illness specific abuse

tags

#animal - cannibal... // this tag is on all of my posts !!

#know how a man becomes a beast when the wolfbane blooms... // this tag is for all posts related to physical nonhumanity and shapeshifting !

#im a man - im a twisted fool... // this tag is for all vent posts !!!

#even through the pain - animals cannot change... // this tag is for informational posts about physical nonhumanity, shapeshifting, and related topics !

#dig deep beneath your filling - theres an animal waiting that must come out... // this tag is for journal entries !!

#to err is human - so don't be one... // this tag is for queued posts !!!

#lately - youre the only human i believe in (i believe in)... // this tag is for reblogs !

#gnashing teeth and open mouth... // this tag is for my questions about physical nonhumanity and shapeshifting !!

[transbookoftheday]

The Genesis of Misery by Neon Yang

An immersive, electrifying space-fantasy, Neon Yang's debut novel The Genesis of Misery is full of high-tech space battles and political machinations, starring a queer and diverse array of pilots, princesses, and prophetic heirs.

It’s a story you think you know: a young person hears the voice of an angel saying they have been chosen as a warrior to lead their people to victory in a holy war.

But Misery Nomaki (she/they) knows they are a fraud.

Raised on a remote moon colony, they don’t believe in any kind of god. Their angel is a delusion, brought on by hereditary space exposure. Yet their survival banks on mastering the holy mech they are supposedly destined for, and convincing the Emperor of the Faithful that they are the real deal.

The deeper they get into their charade, however, the more they start to doubt their convictions. What if this, all of it, is real?

A reimagining of Joan of Arc’s story given a space opera, giant robot twist, the Nullvoid Chronicles is a story about the nature of truth, the power of belief, and the interplay of both in the stories we tell ourselves.

[escapedaudios]

Long post! (Discussing Gothic Horror, Der Wolfsjäger, Werewolves, and why I love all of these things) I love Gothic horror, the aesthetic, of ruin, the haunting atmosphere, and the feeling that something old and dangerous and powerful lingers just outside of sight. The biggest aesthetic hallmark of Gothic horror is probably the lone decaying castle, this haunting vestige of the past intruding on our present day idea of normalcy and safety. But there's another aspect of Gothic horror that isn't as prominent that I have an affinity for.

I like the primal side of it. Statues inscribed with symbols no one can read anymore devoured by vines and fallen leaves. I like the beastly and barbaric side of that haunting feeling. That strange hereditary reminder of a time when forests were endless and dark with little refuge for man. Enter the werewolf. I am fascinated by the idea of people, even against their will, being returned to this savage state. I think most humans have an inherent discomfort with the idea that we are animals. We are fragile, we hunger, we are made of soft flesh that can be devoured.

Remembering that we are no more than animals somehow reminds us of a time we didn't exist in. That time when the forests were endless and we were few. It's frightening, it makes us feel small, it takes away our sense of control and safety. It shatters our delusions of power. But there's also something cathartic about completely immersing yourself in the things that make your afraid and uncomfortable. The Gothic werewolf is symbolic of this. The man living among us who has completely submitted to the brutal nature that still exists in all of us.

I say Gothic werewolf as a distinction from other kinds of more sympathetic, palatable, and less horror-centric werewolves. The Gothic werewolf is haunting. He's cunning and cruel. He does not see human life as special or valuable. He never stops being a wolf, even when in the form of a human.

I adore this. It's also one of the things that makes the Werewolves in my writing special. They don't see themselves as humans who become wolves, they see themselves as something completely different. They're characterized by their sickening disdain for civilization. In Matador Gothic when Alfonso asks Rampage to reveal his true fork he rebukes him, telling him that his wolf form *is* his true form. Mondheulers in Der Wolfsjäger wait patiently for the full moon, waiting to kill again, sometimes killing and maiming impulsively even as humans.

Blutschreibers in Der Wolfsjäger have to spend over a decade in the wild as wolves before they gain the ability to transform back into humans. This return to feral barbarism, and the allure of giving into it, is what gives them their flavor. The Blutschreibers are particularly unique, not only in the sense that they are haunted by spirits, but because underneath all of their barbarism and savagery there is a frightening level of intelligence and cunning that we as humans find frightening in something so animalistic.

We see barbarism as beneath our intellect. Something we left behind in the past for more intellectual and sophisticated virtues. Seeing something as intelligent as us, if not more, rip flesh and wield brutal strength is disturbing not only for its physical danger, but in the way it assaults our comforting worldview.

I'm excited for all the neglected and untapped potential for werewolf horror in audio roleplay. I'm writing Der Wolfsjäger with renewed enthusiasm now. Have fun! And remember, if you see a wolf in the wild, he always saw you first.

[tic-toc-clock77]

Quick TicciWork hc

Clockwork grew up on horror movies but because Toby was so sheltered by his parents growing up, he'd never watched a single one before, so they're first date was spent watching "Hereditary", Nat didn't even flinch once, Toby had delusions, nightmares and hallucinations for the next few days (it reminded him of Lyra) so they decided not to watch them together again. They settled on watching every single Adam Sandler movie.

[littledeathh]

I'll add the disclaimer that this is headcanon, partly because I value dramatic impact over facts where there is a gap in the lore.

I think Varré is a Tarnished (can take you to Roundtable Hold, has seen Fingers) and has previously killed his own maiden. Being Tarnished doesn't necessarily make one a follower of the Order in your new life, as can be seen from the Dung Eater, who is a canon Tarnished and thus once served Godfrey.

Furthermore, the game goes out of its way to emphasise how rare it is to see grace. The Erdtree is an object of faith. Most people in the Lands Between cannot even see it. Varré knows what grace looks like. The vision of grace can also be lost (Boggart- "Can you see it? Enjoy it while it lasts."). Varré can/could see grace but concluded it is nonsense, broken when the ring was shattered ("path you are meant to follow even if it leads you to your grave").

Varré says "The Roundtable Hold is a gathering place for Tarnished who seek the ER. Normally your being maidenless would preclude your admission. But I can make an exception, every now and then. Besides, I like you." Surely this had to be cut, otherwise it makes little sense, does Rogier have a maiden? Who is Varré to judge whether someone has access to the Roundtable or not?

Here's arguments against Varré being Tarnished: if Varré has awoken in his new life as a Tarnished, does that imply that the fellow nameless masks did too? The chances of that seem unlikely, although it may make a bit more sense if there used to be numerous and only a handful awoke, continued about their business as war surgeons and then were kidnapped by Mohg.

Here's a counterargument to that. Godfrey is the first Tarnished, and has never died and been resurrected by Grace. If so, then the war surgeons could have been cast aside by Marika at the same time as Godfrey.

Varré criticizes the Two Fingers because they "harbour no love for our kind. That's the part that irks the most." But he never specifies what "our kind" is. It must mean something that the Tarnished and Varré have in common. It is being a "Tarnished"? Is it being a human?

To me, that reads as though some sort of betrayal on the part of the Two Fingers. As though Varré once believed they had the best intentions, but have since revealed themselves to be selfish in their design.

"My doubts had been piling up, you see. Truly, naught but rambling, senile delusions. I believe, that when the ring was shattered (...) their guidance, skewed."

If Varré wasn't Tarnished, he had to at the very least been a past follower of the Two Fingers. That makes sense to me, like the connection between Christianity and Red Cross organisations. The "misericorde" is a tool of Christian mercy, through murder.

Resources:

Link

Link

Tangentially related, as other NPCs describe Varré

It is interesting to note that Varré can teleport you places (whisking Eleonora away, taking you to Roundtable if he "judges" you apt, Pureblood Knight's Medal). Varré was likely the person coordinating the Bloody Fingers and was possibly who sent Nerijus after you.

Varré is far more connected than he seems and "doesn't let his guard down". Even Sellen has dialogue related to Varré.

"But first. Listen up, wretched curse-peddler. This is a vile craft in which you engage. (...) May you shudder between breaths."

This implies that Sellen knows or assumes that Varré is physically in the vicinity, stalking you, always watching, as she speaks directly to *him*.

This means Varré is canon almost always watching you, even if you can't see him around.

Varré possesses curseblood, which is hereditary, and having a child with him with leads to the birth of omens. The Erdtree rejects curseblood and taking Varré's blood pact means your life continues only by the Grace of Marika. All other Bloody Fingers deaths are permanent including Varré's.

If Varré was the only one to tame the cessblood, and that presumes that the other Nameless White Masks got lost to the bloodlust, losing their names, does that mean that before Varré, all those inoculated were nameless, and afterwards they became named Bloody Fingers? For example, the Sanguine Nobles display the greatest amount of change to omen blood. Nerijus and Nataan wear the Sanguine Noble robes but have no horns yet. Therefore, could we assume that the stock Sanguine Nobles were pre-Varré, while Nerijus, Nataan, Eleonora etc were recruited afterwards, keeping their names?

[twink-tank-writes]

So, for the vampire lord / sire in Cradle Song, Maia, I'm basically using Cazador as a jumping off point, and developing him in a somewhat different direction.

I honestly love Cazador, he's so horrible. I wanted to expand on those like..."wicked stepmother" vibes he gives off. I mean, I named this character "Maia," taken from Greek mythology, meaning "good mother / foster mother."

I'm drawing on a cornucopia of stern, matronly, and somewhat campy characters and other influences to flesh him out--and his dynamic with his spawn/son/"daughter", Lacewing. Some examples, and what I'm drawing from them specifically:

Joan Crawford from Mommie Dearest

her over-the-top, histrionic abuse of her daughter, her jealousy of her daughter. Also that poise, the obsessive drive for perfection she has, the sense that she's wound up tight and is moments away from snapping.

Aunt Martha from Sleepaway Camp

her fucking hilariously bizarre performance, the high camp of it all, her eerie stare and taut, kind of Stepford-y smiles, her strange speaking style

Annie from Hereditary

specifically the way she breaks down, the scene where she yells at her son--the domestic, intimately real terror of an abusive parent

LaVona Golden from I, Tonya

yes I know she's a real person--I'm drawing inspiration from both her depiction in the film and her interview appearances in real life. certain details about the way an abusive parent thinks were illuminating: the fact that LaVona was also a child of abuse, the fact that she seemed more affectionate toward her daughter when she was very young, before the "trouble" of adolescence started. i.e., when her daughter was easier to control

Lady Tremaine from Cinderella (1950)

her ruthless, cold, dignified demeanor

Jean Brodie from The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

for her profound self-delusion and egotism, her obliviousness to the harm she inflicts

Also drawing from Akio Ohtori from Revolutionary Girl Utena, as far as the "chillingly realistic depiction of a sexual predator" goes. And drawing from Griffith from Berserk, for his cold aura and his appearance: Maia is a long-haired blond with porcelain skin and eerie blue eyes. He's angelically beautiful, but with an underlying uncanny quality.

Another influence is King Haggard from The Last Unicorn, as far as his core motivation goes. Maia is a deeply miserable person, an immortal who finds no joy in anything anymore—except for this precious, beautiful thing he’s caught, Lacewing. Lacewing is to Maia what the unicorns were to Haggard.

I want to make this character sympathetic on some level, or at least understandable; there is reasoning behind his wickedness. People don’t become monstrous for no reason—it’s usually borne out of some deep personal misery.

As for real life influences, I'm studying cult leaders, especially ones that had/have a "family" of followers: people like L. Ron Hubbard, Charles Manson, etc. It helps give me a sense of the psychology behind high control groups, the way they often operate like a large abusive family.

To be honest, I don't know if this is going to create an incoherent and inconsistent character, or one that's complex and fleshed out and three-dimensional. But my goal is for Maia to be at once realistically abusive, nuanced, human, utterly despicable, terrifying, but also humorous and campy, a diva, a petty and vicious queen that is loads of fun to watch. I mean I'm kind of describing Akio Ohtori, except for the "queen" part

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Oh, so this exhausting person with the wailing infant is his concubine after all 🙄

Men really need to stop sticking their dicks into everything that is, in the words of Chu Wanning, "alive and female".

***

Oh, ffs.

Her baby is still in diapers and she's already trying to stir up discord between the Emperor and his eldest son.

Again, men really shouldn't stick their dicks into everything that moves. It never turns out well 🙄🙄

***

LMAOOOOO, this half-baked individual has a wife and a bunch of concubines and illegitimate children 🤣🤣

And Madam Qin is pinning her hopes on HIM inheriting the title? 🤣🤣

Please excuse me while I die laughing. Money really gives all kinds of specimens privileges and opportunities that are entirely unwarranted.

Yikes.

***

Meh.

They got off easy. No love for rapists and traffickers.

I forgot which one of these subhumans raped that maid that they tried to force in as Tingye's concubine.

***

I went back and checked in episode 41.

So it is the exiled one that was confirmed to have raped that maid. Though, if I understood it correctly, all three of them (including Tingwei, because having sex with trafficked women is rape) have been raping maids, only this one has a named victim.

***

LMAO, he's too stupid to live.

A tadpole has more job qualifications than him.

***

Oh fuck off.

As always, fuck off and then keep fucking off some more. You are so weak, self-serving and entitled. I would feel sorry for her for marrying you but she did not hesitate one second to throw Minglan under the bus out of petty jealousy, so fuck her too.

***

LMAO, oh, yes, it's Gu Tingye's fault that you are a rapist and a trafficker.

Fuck you. I hope that the rest of your life is horrible and that the rest of your shit family members will follow you soon.

***

Tingye is right, she really should join an acting troupe.

***

LMAO, the delusion 🤣🤣

When has he ever done anything meritorious to deserve a title?? Not only is he not serving of any merit or praise, but he is below average in general, as a person and as a noble. Also, he is a third son, lol, the hereditary title was never going to be his either. She is literally insane.

***

At least he's self-aware, lmao, unlike his shitty cousins, so that is one point in his favour.

***

Aww, he wants her to love him so much 🤗

It's a bit gross, though, because that's what Manniang called him and now I have a visceral reaction to it 🤮

***

Wait, are these those maternal relatives of his who tried to assassinate him as a child crawling out of the woodwork?

All my hate 🤬🤬

***

Oh my god, is this fucking Manniang?? 🤬🤬

I should have known better than to invoke her and summon her shitty ass.

***

Such upstanding members of society, so morally correct, surely, they are the ones being wronged here 🙄🙄

***

Yuck. As I said, Minglan really needs another nickname for him ASAP. This one is forever tainted.

Do kill her! Please do! 🤬🤬

[thekimspoblog]

Like I said in my other post, I was correct about my prediction that in the feast sequence of the pilot, the team had gone so insane that they were eating each other even when other food was available. I was right that one of the big reasons the survivors never came forward to the press was because not everything they did COULD be justified by necessity.

But that was only Part A of my prediction regarding why the survivors never told the full story. So here's Part B: I really want to believe that before they are finally rescued, the team stumbles upon one TRULY INEXPLICABLE thing. I don't know what, but something that scared them so badly, that they feel they have to protect the world from it, even 25 years later. That yes, they witnessed evil within themselves and that was bad enough, but one thing they've all been blocking out is some true encounter with the divine, some lovecraftian horror. And they've all been trying to tell themselves that what they do remember of it was just a delusion, but they brought something more specific than trauma with them back from the woods. Kind of like how when the characters start flying in "Hereditary", it doesn't undermine the agony the characters have been through leading up to it; it replaces the tension of what could be explained by bad luck with the raw terror that something wants to kill you and doesn't play by the rules.

[fagsex]

sometimes I look at my daily outfits and it really hits me that if i had a very flat or small chest - not even dependent on other weight - i would at least pass as a trans man. like you could visibly see i was trying to be seen as more male - which i am - if it were not for the objects of extreme physical and emotional turmoil stuck to me due to unfortunate circumstances called hereditary traits.

i do wear eye makeup sometimes yes but this is not of that. i mean most days i wear baggy black sweatpants, uncolorful or Very colorful large shirts, unflattering jackets, hair cut a certain way, and i have no delusion of passing as cisgender, especially as i am yet to be on hormones, for a very long time, but id much rather be seen and *purposefully* misgendered because i am so visibly trying to be male. except the fact that i am buxom and have lung issues so i cannot always hide this fact reads as if i am not even trying, nor would i want to. which is so far from the truth. baggy shirts on me that are baggy when i am binding are tight when i am not.

i joke about my build sometimes (my mother stopped mid sentence the other day to grab my waist and discuss how 'snatched' i was?) but the reality is that it is easier to hide under Haha Fat Tits ! jokes rather than face the pain of knowing there is very little i can do.

i bind when i can, i wear baggy as i can, but to be perfectly honest, i live in france and shirts that read as baggy in my size are often hard to come upon. sometimes they just go longer rather than fuller, so i have almost a bodycon t shirt. everything is so irritating all the time ! whatever.

i have had several people who were (or i thought were) close friends over the years express how they thought i had 'gotten over that trans phase' or what have you, or that i was bigender, or that i was flat out lying for internet points, even though often i would dress exactly the same as them (other trans men, or even cis men) or exactly the same as friends of ours, flat chested trans men (my buddy tommy) simply due to a fact i CANNOT change and can barely alter. feelsbadman.jpg

[theproperweirdo]

Ramblings and analysis [part 1]

Scarlet | The Arcane Shadow

My long time favourite character in AFK Arena since I started playing has been Scarlet ❤️ her backstory is killer and I feel like her design is detailed and enhances her personality even more using these details you really have to look into

To start, her past! Please skip the next two paragraphs if you know her story 👍

Scarlet’s mother (who I’ll call Ms. Laurence for convenience) raised her from a baby to around what I assume was preteen age. Their family carries a maternal “curse” of psychological torment and dark energy. Scarlet’s grandma had previously killed herself during an opera performance, after being driven insane by the voices she heard. Ms. Laurence wanted Scarlet to overcome this curse, and have her become a respectable woman like her own mom. Scarlet? Not so much. And although she loved her very much, Ms. Laurence didn’t get to see Scarlet’s future. She spiralled into insanity as well, and was taken to a mental institution.

Scarlet was taken to the Violet Orphanage afterwards, which could have a very long post on its own. 💀💀 While there, she tried and failed multiple times to escape. She felt like something was off about the strange people and weird tests they did. After having enough of her midnight missions, they started to amp up the tests in intensity and aggression, in either magical or physical ways. During one of these tests she passes out, and in the haze of her consciousness, she receives the last wishes from the spirit of her mother, before coming too. Once she’s awake, she makes her last attempt to escape— by burning the entire orphanage to the ground.

Her past is tragic. She’s stuck with a curse that’s taken both her mom and grandma, then used as a lab rat til she has a mental break. But there’s so much more to analyze! (Wowwww)

Her family’s curse is one described as one of “madness,” that blurs reality and fantasy. In a setting like this, it seems to be some kind of arcane affliction passed from mother to daughter.

However, there’s the obvious subliminal implication of her curse— that it’s a genetic mental illness. Although disorders are not often hereditary, they’re still most commonly seen in an individual when a direct family member has the same one. For Scarlet and her family, this sounds like a long line of women who have schizophrenia. Hearing voices like auditory hallucinations, erratic behaviour, and having extreme delusions, are the most prominent and aggressive symptoms. Scarlet’s grandma took her life after losing the ability to differentiate between real and imaginary. Scarlets mother became overwhelmed by her delusions. Before burning down the orphanage, Scarlet herself begins to hear voices and monsters. Now on her own, she doesn’t want to become what her mother and grandmother did.

She also possibly fights her own hallucinations better because she had to reassure her mother when she was young. She probably never met her grandma though.

As a violent and dangerous curse, it’s effective and seems to stem from some older power. But I think this reflection of mental illness in women is powerful and incredibly well written for a character in a mobile gacha RPG game.

Okay, that’s on her story! Now for an artist’s eye on her design… let’s move top to bottom.

Scarlet’s hair is visually more black with streaks of red highlights. But we know from the description of her mother, along with her 4koma-style comic, that she had a full head of red hair.

The red itself is said to be a sign of the curse in her story. Seeing that the black has come and overtaken it in her recent years, I think it’s meant to represent her own hold on her sanity. Scarlet’s mother still has (I assume) all her hair red when she’s taken away. The black in her hair might be her own control on the chaos magic, and how she’s managed to harness it.

Or, the black came through as an awakening of sorts. It comes in the climax of her grand escape, when she seemingly inherits the destructive power of the curse. If her mother didn’t manage to fully grasp any control over her own magic, maybe she never had the same moment of magic-puberty as scarlet. So maybe this magic changes her both mentally and physically, leaving a few remnants of the red, because even though she’s improving, the curse will never stop its assault on her. Either way, it’s a physical tell of how her magic has changed her.

Her clothes seem to be a personal choice for herself. At six years old, Scarlet rejected any kind of fancy teachings or proper dresses. She was likely just a young girl who had her own preferences and didn’t like the suffocating atmosphere of noble life. But her mother’s most sincere wish for her was to see her grow into a distinguished and elegant lady like her grandmother.

I imagine she had a lot of time to think and reflect on her memories in the Violet Orphanage. Her mother loved her genuinely and dearly, and they were separated in the end because of their shared curse. I imagine she would remember the one thing her mom wanted to see most in her. The dress and corset were probably picked out herself because she wants to fulfill the one thing her mom wanted. :( even though she hates dressing up, she wants to make her mom proud in this way. The makeup and heels are probably for the same reason.

Her armour and signature item are both made of this gold coloured metal, but her shoulder guards got some red by the edges.

The one other character with the same kind of armour is Morrow, the only other in game person who was a victim as the Violet Orphanage (aside from Isabella and Silvina).

They were kept there in different periods of time, but it’s obviously not a coincidence that they’re the only ones who share this design motif.

These are the Signature Item descriptions for both Morrow and Scarlet ⬇️⬇️

Both for controlling dark magic! However, the origin of Scarlet’s item says that it was formed during her destruction of the Violet Orphanage. Also the gold armour is on Morrow’s arms and not his book. Scarlet is the same, she’s got it on her shoulder guard, but not the stabilizer. My theory is that it’s either 1. A material they used in the orphanage to conduct experiments on the kids using dark magic, and they both now use to to chanel their own magic and cast spells. 2. It’s a normal kind of metal, but the red shading comes from use of dark magic. That would explain why both of their armour has it.

Either way, it’s a very cool detail! :) other things I’ve noticed are:

Her attacks have the possibility of hitting allied heros. I interpret it as her magic still being unstable and hard to control. She’s got her sanity and magic under control, but not completely.

There’s no clear distinction between “dark magic” and “hypogean magic” so it’s possible she controls some variation of void realm arcanum, or a hypogean cursed her bloodline and she now channels its energy instead of suffering from it.

She looks considerably older than Isabella. Makes sense considering the timeline, but makes me a lil sad.

Anyways, that’s the end of this long ass post. Hopefully more to come in the future (if I remember)

Til next time 🫣🫣

[giantisopod7]

maybe instead of looking for others to share my thoughts i have to express my own first

hereditary movie/personal connections under the cut:

but yeah hereditary hits strangely as someone with grandparental trauma and mental health issues and a mom who knows how her mom was but didn’t/couldn’t protect me enough. it makes me think about christianity in its culty forms and the expectations placed on children raised in it with the belief that there is something wrong with them for the way they exist, and yet the way that unrealistic expectations are set for them by adults within the church to be angels/extraordinary/save humanity. a wink and a nudge to a kid that some being in power has great plans for them. being baptized before you’re even a toddler so you can’t say no, and being promised to be raised in the church despite your protests as you get older. it makes me think about the connections between shame taught to children and sexual abuse. the way that Annie tried to protect Peter by not having him and yet relented to her mother and let her be the primary caretaker for Charlie. the disgust in herself as she says that her mother insisted on being the one to feed Charlie as a baby. telling Charlie she never cried—how long had she had to hold things in?

It reminds me of the horror of others’ belief systems and the lengths they will go to for what they think is good/right. being outside of that group and being viewed as a pitiable fool for not knowing the “truths.” wanting to ground yourself in reality and separate yourself from your parent’s harmful beliefs and then realizing in horror the extent to which others share the same ideas.

i know some ppl interpret the end shot of the treehouse diorama to indicate that it was actually all mental illness/paranoia/delusions/whatever manifested or perpetuated by Annie, but the cult explanation is actually really satisfying for me because traumatic experiences can feel so horrible in their meaningless/senselessness—“why did this happen to me? could this have been prevented?”—that having the cult behind a lot of the horror is a relief in a sense, because at least in their eyes it has been justified, even if it’s tragic in the sense that the situation was beyond Annie’s control. knowing that Annie’s brother and then Charlie were groomed by her mother for this cult’s demon to manifest and it wasn’t all Annie’s fault for not being able to move past her childhood/upbringing. i think that this is sort of alluded to in the first(?) of Peter’s classroom scenes where the teacher is discussing a Greek tragedy and whether it’s more tragic if it was all fate or if the characters had agency. yes, annie was also misled and her grief exploited by joan. but she was right to be skeptical of the crowd at her mother’s funeral. yes, in her desperation to make things better she made things worse by doing the conjuring ceremony, but she wanted to change the patterns. she didn’t want to be like her mother. she was scared to be like her.

when i was manic and then in psychosis i was desperately trying to make meaning out of perceived patterns and distraught by what was in front of me that did indicate that things were wrong, just not to the degree that my mind went to. my mom wasn’t trying to drug me when i found bright aqua specks in the fruit salad—(her mother’s recipe naturally)—on Easter. but her denial that they were even there and lukewarm response to me trying to investigate the kitchen for a degrading blue tool that could’ve been the source—did make me doubt my own reality. this in turn made my family doubtful/fearful of me. sometimes in our desperation to make sense of things we scare others.

I see this in annie as well—her miniatures disturb her husband and contribute to his conclusion that she is unwell enough to have dug up her mother’s grave, but putting her trauma into miniature form helps her to make it make sense. to zoom out, pause the scene. to turn her despair into something that is at least technically beautiful. with her artist’s eye for these minute details it is even more of a tragedy that she realizes too late the signs around her that her mother was part of a cult—why doesn’t she question where the cryptic writings on the walls of her home came from? or recognize that Joanne’s doormat is actually her mom’s handiwork? i interpret that final shot of the treehouse diorama as a fantasy—the way that Annie would have depicted it if she was still alive and able to try to put it into art to try to make sense of it all.

[twilightofthesandwiches]

have you ever played The Unfinished Swan (2012) the predecessor to WRoEF? Miltons room is an entire reference to it

I've heard of the Unfinished Swan and it's connection to WRoEF, even though I never played it myself. It looks pretty interesting, though.

Maybe I should look a bit deeper into it but right now my main thoughts is that I am Endlessly Amused by the Implied Narrative of having the relatively-grounded game that is about fantasy on some level but is generally constantly teetering on the line of straight-up confirming all of the 'supernatural' elements have simple, mundane explanations exist in the same universe as the game where a Magical World of Magical Paintings undeniably exists.

Like, the so-called Finch Family Curse is probably just a combination of generational trauma, unhealthy coping mechanisms turning into self-fulfilling prophecies, general bad luck and probably some sort of hereditary undiagnosed neurodivergency. And all the supposedly 'supernatural' stuff happening around the Finches is just food-poisoning-fueled hallucinations or ridiculous obviously false tell-tales, or just plain ol' delusions..... Except for Milton disappearing into the Magic Painting World. That one DID literally happened.

I don't think this discrepancy significantly harms the themes or emotional core of either work, but it is VERY FUNNY once you take the time to think about it.

[multitrackdrifting]

I won't do a media thread since tumblr is not conducive to having one but this is my list so far:

A Space for the Unbound (2023, insanely goated & underrated)

Bodies (2023, trash)

Signalis (2022, 100%)

Frieren 1-122 (ongoing, goated)

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)

Fafner in the Azure Dead Agressor / Right of Left / Heaven and Earth (2004/2005/2010, insanely underrated series that washes a lot of Gundam series icl)

Granblue Fantasy Relink (2024, goated)

True Detective Season 1 (2014, kinda yaoi, genuinely goateds how)

Helldivers 2 (2024 - ongoing, goated)

Gridman Universe (2023, goated)

Fear and Hunger 1 (2018 - Ending D & Cahara S, goated, but pretty easy to break because of blank scrolls)

Heavenly Delusion (2023, goated although quite graphic)

Fear and Hunger 2: Termina (2022 All Endings/Spells unlocked, goated, kinda my hyperfixation rn)

Ousama Ranking (2021-22, insanely goated)

Hereditary (2018, really fun even if it is a bit predicatble)

Midsommar (2019, hated this movie, only other negative entry in my list this year)

Terrifier (2016, not bad for its budget, insanely gory and traumatic so not for the faint of heart lol)

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End S1 (2023-24, my top anime of all time bar nothing, before I would say it's something like Inferno Cop, Kaiji, Kuroko Season 2 or something, but no Frieren is top zero, peerless)

[fierceawakening]

The other thing that’s weird is, like… (yes, I have stopped looking at that blog. I should not have in the first place but occasionally autismblr and cluster b blr intersect so since a lot of my friends are on the autism spectrum occasionally this is on my dash, and I took the bait and went down the rabbit hole yesterday, against my better judgment but I felt I had to make sure there’s nothing new that might change my mind)

Like. I’ve begun to suspect that part of the reason my mom and aunt are a bit messed up is that my grandma had some narcissistic traits. She was very image obsessed and shamed my mom for not being beautiful and lavished praise on my aunt for being the cute one. (I never saw it. Aunt constantly has a “something smells bad in here” expression and all I could ever see when I looked at her was Mr. Yuck.) (And yes, she did the same thing to me. But I'm trans. I wasn't profoundly affected by her desire for me to be a beautiful girl because that wasn't me in the first place.)

So I’m thinking both my mom and my aunt have some narcissistic traits too, and that this is part of why they’re both bizarrely mean on fairly frequent occasions. (Neither are mean all day every day. But I’d personally advise anyone considering befriending either of them to look out for flying insults.)

But if this is true, then it’s likely that if any of its hereditary, I also have some similar traits. I share DNA with these people, and they raised me, which means both that I'm like them biologically AND that they're the people who taught me how to act.

And... I suspect this is true!

I actually do have a very strong desire to win people’s respect and admiration. I read posts like “it’s okay to just exist and do nothing” and can’t figure out how anyone could tolerate that.

But I don’t think I have the pathology. Because I try very hard to recognize that if I want to be special, so do most people. If I achieve it and AM special, that implies so have many other people. Therefore, it makes no sense to think I’m superior, even if I sometimes would feel better if I were. That’s not how value works, and if I try to make it work that way when it doesn't, not only will I hurt a lot of people I don’t want to hurt and feel awful about doing it, but I’ll fail at the whole project anyway.

So never mind.

And if I WANT to feel superior, there are things I can do to do that without harming others. If I play competitive games, then when I win it’s not a delusion or even a belief, it’s measurable. Someone won and it was me.

Even more importantly, the other player consented knowing they might lose. I didn’t win by harming them. I won by taking the risk of losing myself, which is fair. Added bonus if I do win it’s verifiable. I don’t have to wonder if anyone agrees.

And if I lose? I don’t like it, but it happens all the time. All it means is I need to increase my skill or focus, which are goals I can achieve. (And sometimes it means HOLY HELL OPPONENT YOU ARE SMART AND I RESPECT THAT, even though I wanted to win too.)

So yeah. When people say “you have to let me believe I’m God so I stop hurting,” I’m not looking askance because that’s weird.

I’m looking askance because that’s not the only way to stop hurting and that means they’re lying.