#the same. I started getting fevers any time I stayed up longer than 14 hours bc I had to do it so often to make appts

[overcaffeinated-aro]

ok not to be that guy but like. labor rights and working class rights can coexist with 24h services and late amenities. its certainly hard to do so without worker exploitation in this political and social environment, it’s not a conflict likely to resolve overnight. but 24h services are important and especially valuable to those of us that are disabled or are on a different circadian rhythm. in fact more professional, health, and government services should be available or at least possible to work on asynchronously (if applicable) during late or odd hours, while workers also get sufficient pay for their labor and proper consistent scheduling. this would be much easier on the workers with night schedules if the entire professional world didn’t grind to a halt at 5pmEST

[themuseic]

Only Fools (Chapter 12)

(Art credit: @clumsycopy​)

Fic Summary: Sent to Boone County, West Virginia on an assignment, you find yourself engulfed your work. How could you possibly find time for anything else? Even if “anything else” includes the tall, kind, and handsome bartender from down the road?

Word Count: 4.1k

Read Chapter 11 here.

Read here on AO3.

Warnings: Sad Times Still, Hospitals, Mention of Needles, Mention of Medical Procedures, Storms, Anxious Feelings, A Fuck Ton of Crying™. 

A/N: Hellloooooo. Okay just some housekeeping - as it stands, OF is plotted to be 14 chapters. We’re in the home stretch y’all! As promised, there is a brief summary of last chapter below the cut for anyone who may have sat it out because of the content. Thank y’all for reading, love youuuu. 

Chapter 11 Summary: Still reeling from the fight with Clyde, Reader goes to collect the data and footage alone. There, she crosses paths with and is attacked by one of the cougars she has been studying. Luckily, Clyde finds her and is able to save her, whisking her away with the help of Mellie and Sylvia to get her wounds treated.

~~~

Clyde Logan did not like hospitals. 

He had tried to avoid them ever since his own accident, all those years ago in Iraq. He was perfectly happy to get patched up by Sylvia if he had a run-in with a rogue piece of glass from a shattered cup at the Duck Tape or if he had a cough that he just couldn’t quite shake. But in his recent memory, the only time he had stepped foot into the sanitized halls of a hospital had been for the birth of Sadie, that wonderful, joyous day. He remembered how Jimmy handed over the little bundle that held Clyde’s niece, and how she had smiled and babbled up to him, bringing a small tear of happiness to the corner of his eye. 

Today wasn’t like that.

~~~

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

The steady thrum of the heart monitor was torture. Clyde had listened to it mark time since his darlin’ had been rolled out of surgery to repair her ankle, and that had been hours ago. Tubes of substances unknown to him seemed to sprout from every part of her body, and he felt his eyes starting to water for what felt like the thousandth time as his gaze wandered over her prone form from where he sat in the chair in the corner. Any other person would say that those eyes hadn’t been dry once. 

Clyde leaned forward in the creaky wooden chair and his right hand drifted up to cradle his face. He looked at her through his middle and ring finger, the digits framing his view of her. His horseshoe ring felt particularly cold against his face and he sighed deeply as he stared, waiting for her to wake up. 

“Hey, Clyde.” A soft voice beside him startled him out of his thoughts and his eyes flicked to his side to see Mellie crouching beside him, her hand resting on his leg. 

“Mel,” he nodded in recognition, his voice skipping in his throat. She squeezed his knee but didn’t say anything else. Clyde was happy to remain like that; the feeling of her thumb rubbing his knee and the sound of her breathing was comfort enough for him. 

“Have you eaten-” she began, but Clyde spoke at the same time and cut her off.

“S’my fault,” he whispered, his eyes not leaving the bed once. 

Mellie’s brow scrunched up and she frowned. “Oh no, Clyde this isn’t your fault. You didn’ do anything,” she tried to assure him as she rubbed his knee a little harder. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“I didn’t tell y’ we got in a fight last night,” Clyde whispered as he shook his head, still cradled in his hand. “She wouldn’t’ve been out there by herself if we hadn’t. Wouldn’t have...” he trailed off as his eyes drifted shut in an attempt to curtail the water that was gathering in them. 

Mellie’s forehead softened and she pushed a strand of hair out of Clyde’s face to tuck it behind his ear. “Clyde, you don’t know what would have happened. And it doesn’t matter anyway. You found her, you got her help. She’s safe now,” she reassured him as she rubbed his bicep. 

“She’s so hurt. I don’t know how I’ll face her,” he whispered, unable to tear his eyes from the girl in the hospital bed. Clyde’s lip began to tremble again and the water clinging to his lash line started to spill down his face. “I’m sorry, I gotta…” Clyde was left searching for the right words, a quest he quickly gave up as he stood up and left the room, desperate for some air and some privacy. His long legs carried him away from his sister swiftly, and Mellie was left alone standing in the hallway, helpless as she watched the broad back of her brother fly out of the doors to the hospital. 

~~~

“I’m sorry, I gotta…”

Your eyes began to flutter open as you heard sounds of distress in your room. Your attempt to swallow was a feat in and of itself, the action rough and painful on your dry throat. Carefully, your eyes began to crack open, just in time to catch the sight of Clyde fleeing from your hospital room, Mellie hot on his trail. Your heart sank.

Of course he was here to witness you, broken and helpless, laid out on the cold hospital bed. You squeezed your eyes shut. If he had any shred of respect for you, it was surely gone. You had torn his heart clean in two, and now? He couldn’t even look at you, let alone be in the same room as you.

You were sure of it. 

As tears started to roll down your face, your breathing picked up and so did your heart. Soon, nurses descended on you, ready to take vitals, take readings, and take care of you. You didn’t want to speak to them, to look at them. They set to work around you as your head fell back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. The pokes and prods of their needles and probes pricked your skin, but you didn’t hiss your breath didn’t catch. They could do anything to you, but the pain wouldn’t register.  

It paled in comparison to the pain nestled in your heart. 

~~~

The next day, after a restless night, the doctors discharged you. You had no reason to stay in the hospital longer; your antibiotics had been completed and your fever was long broken. And anyway, with Sylvia so close to you at the hotel, you would be able to get all the treatment you would need from her. As you sat on the edge of the bed with your back hunched, you breathed in and out slowly, trying to center and collect yourself. The dull pain in your side throbbed with each beat of your heart.

You heard your name called from the doorway and looked over to see a nurse standing with a clipboard. “You ready to get out of here?” she smiled softly, gesturing to the wheelchair parked at her feet. You gathered the strength to return her smile, and nodded. She wheeled the chair over to you and helped you hobble into the awaiting chair. 

The overhead fluorescent lights were harsh on your eyes, and you blinked tightly to adjust to the glare. Sooner than you had thought, you were at the sliding double doors that made up the entrance of the hospital, and the kind nurse pushed you over the threshold and into the crisp air.

Your heart clenched when you saw who stood before you, keys in hand, ready to drive you home. Clyde gazed down at you, his stare unwavering and unreadable. There was a pit in your stomach and you shifted in your seat. “Hi,” you breathed. He sniffed and nodded at you. “Ready?” he asked, his feet shuffling slightly on the concrete.

You chewed on your lip. “Is it okay if you drive me back?” you asked, looking down at his shoes. 

He exhaled through his nose and jerked his head towards the parking lot. “C’mon.”

Between the bulky cast around your ankle and the stitched tears in your side, walking, even with the aid of crutches, was out of the question. The nurse followed closely behind Clyde to wheel you towards the car parked out front. The ridges in the gravel and small pebbles that you rolled over caused the chair to vibrate and jerk. You seethed at the pain that shot through your side with the movement, and you pressed your eyes shut, breathing shallowly through your nose. 

You were still focused on your breath when you realized you were no longer moving. Your eyes fluttered open and you found that you were sitting right next to Clyde's grey car, and he was standing in front of you, his back pressed against the swung fully open door. 

Before you had a chance to try to pull yourself into the car, Clyde slipped his arm around your side and lifted you up out of the chair and into the passenger seat. You could feel how your face began to warm at the gesture, embarrassed that you needed this kind of care to get into a car, and you glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. A soft “thank you” left your lips as Clyde buckled you in tight, and you were answered with a small nod. 

The drive back was silent, safe for a sniff or cough here and there. You snuck a few glances at Clyde, while his gaze remained straight ahead. As you rolled your head to the side, you sighed and tilted your head into the window to stare at the trees flying past. The blur would have put you in a trance had you not been desperately trying to sort out what had happened the morning prior.

The doctors had asked you if you knew what had happened, and you had nodded in response. You didn’t want to know the gritty, embarrassing details. You didn’t want to sort through those memories alone and cold in the hospital bed.

But in reality, your mind was jumbled, your memory a whirlwind of snippets and memories. You could see the attack clearly, almost too clearly if you were honest with yourself, but you couldn’t put together what had happened after. A glimpse, a whisper of a memory formed in your mind, but the only thing you could ascertain from it was the memory of pain and burning. You remembered someone trying to soothe you. You shook your head, clearing your mind, and opted to stare out of the car window instead.

The glass of the window rattled your head as you leaned against it, gazing out the window at nothing in particular. A large sign caught your eye.

“Clyde, the hotel was back there,” you muttered, refusing to look at him.

“Y’aren’t going back to the hotel,” he replied, his stare fixated on the road ahead of him. 

“It’s okay Cl-” 

“Stop, fighting me.”

Your breath caught in your chest, and you didn't respond. A soft sigh sounded next to you, and you didn’t turn either.

~~~

Back at the trailer, Jimmy, Sylvia, and Mellie were already there to greet you, ready with blankets, food, and a stash of medical supplies so large, you reckoned it could keep you stocked for years to come. The minute Clyde helped you through the threshold, Sylvia and Mellie corralled you into the bedroom. They helped you out of the clothes drenched in the sterile hospital smell that clung to you and coaxed you into the large bed with soft touches and soft voices. After Mellie had helped settle you as much as she could, she squeezed your hand and left, leaving you alone with Sylvia. 

She plumped the pillows around you and set out a glass of water on the nightstand as she listed off what the doctor had told you before you had been discharged. She recited your medicines, when she wanted you to take them, and how. You couldn’t look at her. Your gaze remained on the covers of your bed. Your heart constricted at that thought. Not your bed. His bed, you reminded yourself. You had made sure of that.

You had done this to yourself. You didn’t deserve Sylvia’s pity. 

She whispered your name and with light fingers, she tilted your head up to hers. You allowed yourself to be posed and stared at her with eyes void of emotion, lest you break down in front of her. 

“Did you get that?” she soothed, her brow furrowed and the concern in her voice wildly apparent. You flicked your eyes back down and nodded so shallowly, it was nearly imperceptible. She tsk’ed at your apathy but didn’t push you. You were thankful for that. 

Her hand moved into your line of sight, palm outstretched, with a small pill in the center of it. “Here sweetie,” she muttered. “It’ll help with the pain.” You shook your head. 

“Really, you’re going to be in a hell of a world of pain if you try to wean off so soon. Don’t punish yourself.”

You shook your head again. 

“Take it,” a voice rumbled through the doorway. 

Your eyes flicked up to see Clyde leaned against the threshold to his room, his brow furrowed and his mouth turned down into a deep pout. As much as you didn’t want to hold eye contact, his deep, piercing gaze would not allow you to break away. His jaw set. “Take it,” he urged again, jerking his chin towards the painkiller Sylvia offered you. You moved silently as you reached out to accept the medicine and swallow it. 

The movement forced you to tear your eyes from Clyde, a gesture came at just the right time. You could feel the sting of tears you refused to spill bite at the corners of your eyes, but turning away meant he wouldn’t see them. You blinked them away before you looked back at the doorway, now empty. 

Sylvia shuffled at the bedside table with your medicine and extra bandages, prepped to be changed as needed. She took your temperature again before she turned to the door… and paused. She turned back to you so slowly, you thought she was moving through syrup, though it easily could have been the effects of the painkiller already setting into your muscles. 

Her soft and warm hand enveloped yours where it lay atop the plush blanket of the bed. Soft and warm, her eyes found yours. You could see why Jimmy had fallen for her. She was a particular sort of comforting, the kind that thrived in the medical field, the kind that made patients calm and made them feel safe. 

If you didn’t deserve her pity, you didn’t deserve her comfort either. 

“Dear, we want you to get better. Please let Clyde help you,” she whispered, caressing your knuckles with her thumb. “He was a complete wreck when he called us after he found you. He loves you so much.” Her words and her touch only made you feel worse. Each swipe made your stomach twist, each pass was another reminder that you had done this to yourself, and each word a reminder of what you had done to Clyde. 

You shook your head and slid your hand from hers, the motion sapping what little energy you had left from you. You settled back into the pillows set around your head, your eyes refusing to meet hers. Sylvia’s mouth set into a thin line and she tsk’ed once more as she sighed out of her nose. “Alright. Call me if you need me.” She gathered her things and stalked towards the door before the small “wait,” whispered into the room stopped her. She turned back to look at you. 

Quietly, and without making eye contact, you breathed a small “Thank you.” Sylvia’s features softened and she smiled. “Get some rest,” she whispered. And with that, she left you alone in the room.

Unable to toss and turn and pile up the nest of pillows that you so loved to sleep with, you stared at the ceiling as you sought out rest. The light in the room was still a golden shine streaming in from outside. It was far earlier than you would usually retreat to the comfort of bed, but between your healing body, the energy you had already exerted, and the painkiller you had taken, you were racing towards sleep, towards that quiet oblivion. Where you wouldn’t have to think of the fight, the attack. You wouldn’t have to picture Clyde’s face, so downtrodden and utterly disappointed in you. 

If you could have taken it back, you would have.

But now the closest you could get to him was through hearing the lowered sounds of his voice talking to his siblings, to Sylvia. You couldn’t make out what they were saying in the living room, and the harder you strained to hear, the more jumbled the words became. They swirled in your head, and you couldn’t tell who was speaking at once, the cacophony of noise painfully quiet and horrifically overwhelming all at once. 

You fell asleep to the sound of it.

~~~

When you awoke next, you realized your body hadn’t moved an inch in your slumber. The voices down the hallway were absent, and the golden light that had once filled the room had long since faded beyond the horizon. Instead, a silver haze drifted over the space, illuminating the walls softly. 

It was silent, save for the heavy rain that danced across the roof of the trailer, a steady thrum that buzzed through the trailer. The muffled voices were gone, and the air in the house was still. You stared, with laser focus, up at the ceiling. You closed your eyes and pretended as if the rain could wash away the disgusting feeling you harbored deep in your stomach. As if it could wash away the memory of how you had treated Clyde, how you had pulled him along for months with no promise of a future. Maybe, if you were lucky, it would wash away his memory of it all along with yours.

Your thoughts were split in two by a large crunch that fell upon your ears and you jolted. You knew in your heart that it was a branch falling, cracking under the oppressive weight of the water that fell from the sky. You knew that had to be it. But a small voice, speaking from where it resided tucked away in the back of your mind, piped up. It could be anything, it taunted, jeering at you for your scare. 

You tried to push the startling noise from your mind and fall back asleep, but that comfort remained just out of reach. The whistling wind brought a chill to your bones, and the noises that splintered through the forest brought you back to just a few days before. Each noise was a beast, a predator stalking you through the night and into the haven you thought you had created in the trailer. A shudder ran through your body at the thought.

You were embarrassed, but you couldn’t be left alone with your thoughts much longer. You swallowed thickly and pushed out a small noise over the lump in your throat.

“Clyde?” you called, your voice hoarse with sleep. 

You were answered with a soft snore. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Clyde?” Your voice broke. 

You heard a hitched breath and the sound of shuffling. In just a few seconds, Clyde was at the open door, dressed in only a hole-pocked sleep shirt and a pair of boxers. He strode to your side in a few easy steps, flicked on the lamp on the nightstand, and gingerly laid his hand on your forehead, his face serious and his brow knit together tightly.

“What’s the matter? You in pain? D’you need me to call Sylvia back over?” he muttered, his eyes darting over your face. The golden light of the lamp illuminated half of his face and accentuated his sharp features knit together in concern. 

You shook your head and dragged a shuddering breath into your lungs in a feeble attempt to steel yourself. “I can’t go back to sleep.” With a slight strain of your neck, you pushed your forehead up into his palm and your eyes squeezed into slits as tears began to gather along your lash line. “Will you sleep with me?” you whispered, searching his face. For any expression of his thoughts. Your lip trembled. 

He flinched and his warm flesh left your head. He was taken aback by your request.

You should have known better.

The sharp sting of rejection shot through your spine and you shut your eyes, unwilling to bear the sight of the devastating heartbreak that could follow your next utterance. 

Your voice wavered. “Please.” You were met with silence. 

A heartbroken sob threatened to wrack your body when you were given no response until suddenly, the bed creaked and dipped under an unseen weight. 

Instead, a sob of relief broke from your chest. 

“Oh shh,” Clyde hushed as he hooked his left arm around your head, his right hand reaching across your body to palm your thigh and shift you close into his side without aggravating your newly stitched wounds. You pressed your lips together in a feeble attempt to stifle the noises that rattled in your chest as you turned your head to press into the refuge of his armpit. 

Clyde’s right hand slipped under your shirt to trace patterns into your skin and stroke your side, his fingers dancing at the edge of the gauze that was plastered to your body. There was pressure on your hair. He whispered soft assurances into your scalp, nuzzling his nose into your hair as he let you shake against him. “Shh, baby, shh. You’re alright there, you’re okay,” he crooned. “You’re safe now.” A ragged sob broke from your throat, as you collapsed into him. 

And finally, finally, you let yourself break. 

The embarrassment, the guilt - it all came gushing forward with the same force as a dam splintering under the pressure of the water it was designed to hold back. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you choked out, barely able to speak over the snot and tears that streaked your face. You knew you were making a mess of his shirt, but each attempt to suppress your sobs did nothing but heighten them. 

“Shh, sweet baby.” Clyde cooed, pulling you tight against him. Taking great care to avoid agitating your wounds, he pulled you up onto your uninjured side so you could bury your face into the crook of his neck. His hand wrapped around your torso to swirl small circles into your back. It would have felt incredible if you could feel anything besides the constricting pain in your chest as you dragged air into your lungs. As you sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, he breathed in deep, forcing your body to rise and fall in time with his breaths. 

“Darlin’, c’mon, I need you to take a breath,” Clyde murmured as he pressed kisses to your hairline. “Can you try to do that for me?” You dragged shuddering breaths into your chest between your cries, trying your very hardest to match his breathing, but spitting and sputtering over every breath. 

Clyde didn’t seem to mind. He rained soft shushes and small kisses onto you as he cradled your shaking form. He would hold you like that forever if you needed it; if he could. 

Eventually, you began to still. Your breathing evened out and your tears stopped racing down your face. Clyde shifted his body down to be even with yours and leaned his face in to kiss the tear tracks and stray droplets from your face before he nuzzled his face against your own. The moment you had the strength to speak, you did. 

“Clyde, I’m so sorry-” you started. He cut you off immediately. 

“Shh, baby. It’s alright.” He squeezed your shoulders and kissed your temple. You shook in his arms and stuttered your head back and forth. “No Clyde, really,” you tried again. He caught your lips in a soft, swift kiss. 

“No. You don’t have t’ think about that right now. Anyway, you were right, you told me what you wanted. I’m sorry I didn’t respect that.”

A sob jumped in your throat. His words were tempting you to spill over yet again. You tried to whisper his name, but could only manage a high-pitched rendition. “Clyde, I was so unfair to you. I still am sorry,” you whispered breathily, barely pulling sound and tone over your strained vocal cords. 

He sighed slowly and dipped his head to kiss the corner of your eye, pulling the salty water drops that clung to the skin of your face away on his lips. “Thank you, darlin’. We can talk about it more later,” he soothed. Soft fingertips swept up and down your back. “I want you t’get some sleep. Can’t have you spikin’ a fever again,” he cooed to you as he peppered kisses along your hairline.  

You sniffed and nuzzled deeper into the solace you found between his neck and shoulder. With a careful wiggle, you maneuvered your body so that every part of you that could be touching him was, the knowledge that he was with you bringing you comfort by itself. He folded his body around yours.

It was warm, safe. He was warm. 

Safe. 

“Will you stay?” you muttered, the warmth radiating from his body beginning to pull you towards sleep already. You had been so anxious to distance yourself from Clyde, and now you couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving for just a second. His right hand tensed on your back and he squeezed you closer. “Always, darlin’.”

The rain pattered over the roof of the trailer, a dull hum that danced across your ears. 

The designs he traced over your skin lulled you to sleep.

~~~

Taglist: @mind-p0llution​ @thedivinemissm​ @clydesducktape​ @finn-ray-nal-beads​ @ladygrey03​ @desiraypark​ @1800-fight-me​ @hopeamarsu​​ @kkysolo​​ @clumsycopy​​ @mylifeisactuallyamess​​ @daydreamsofren​​ @mariesackler​​ (Comment or message me to be added or removed!)

[angelanimedesaray]

Through the Looking Glass Chapter 7: Revelation

AN:  Ah, yes, finally.  This chapter.  That is all hahaha.  Also they’re probably young teenagers at this point.  13, 14 years old, roughly.

Characters:  Levi, Reader, Reader’s Mother (Mentioned)

Pairing:  (Eventual)  Levi x Reader

Warnings:  Language

Word Count:  5050

<----Previous Chapter    Masterlist    Next Chapter---->

*Reader's POV*

For the first time since Levi first appeared in your life, he didn't disappear shortly after arriving.  He stayed with you until his fever finally broke.

Keeping him hidden from your mother was nothing short of a miracle.  You didn’t want him getting discovered and sent somewhere else to recover, because what he needed was to be here after what happened to him--he wanted to be here, too, from what you could see.

In order to hide him, he had to stay in your tent the entire time, which you declared your fort to your mother and were allowed to keep as long as it didn’t get in the way, and you washed everything when you were done.  That meant you had to shift it off your bed and make it a little smaller, but Levi still had plenty of room, and you could still fit underneath.

You didn’t do much while he was in the tent, though.  He was sick, and he spent his time with you recovering, wrapped up in blankets and getting medicine every twelve hours while you kept up a steady stream of water and occasional Gatorade to help him get better.  You would crawl into the tent and lay down next to him when you had the time, telling him stories and simply keeping him company.  You strategically smuggled him bowls of canned soup when your mom wasn’t home because of work or she had to make a grocery run, so he wasn’t going hungry.

There was one point when his fever got really bad, the point your mom used to tell you was right before it broke when you were sick.  You spent the whole time next to him, gently sponging his head and murmuring quiet reassurances and stories to him while he shivered and moved restlessly, occasionally murmuring out feverish nonsense, calming slightly when you would brush the hair from his face.  Since it calmed him down, you kept doing it, running your fingers through his hair while you talked softly to him and he rested.  With how much he slept in the couple days he was with you, you wondered how much rest he actually got back home.

There were a few heart-stopping moments when you thought your mother might catch you hiding Levi in your room, but you managed to play it off each time, either by claiming you were playing a game in your tent, or hiding Levi under the blankets, or claiming it was a kids only tent, and giants weren’t allowed. Typical kids stuff to keep the tent area off limits.

When Levi’s fever finally broke, he was still out of it and drained, but you could tell by a simple touch on his forehead that he wasn’t burning up anymore.  It was a relief, with a pressure lifting off your chest you hadn’t known was there to see that he was going to be okay--at least in regards to his health.  You still stayed with him, though, curled up next to him in the tent and even falling asleep there beside him.

When you woke up the morning after his fever broke in the tent, he was gone, and at long last, you finally questioned what happened, and considered the impossibility of his knack of disappearing into thin air.  No longer did you think it could have simply been from inattention on your part, or that it was in any way normal. Especially because you knew that he was not in any state to have gotten up and left on his own before you woke up.

So what was happening?

*Levi's POV*

Levi sat cross-legged in the open space he’d recently managed to find, hands loosely held together in his lap as he gazed down at the grassy ground, sunlight shining down on him from the hole above him.  He was lost in his own thoughts, confused and faced with an impossible reality, which was why he’d sought some refuge in a quiet space by himself, complete with fresh air filtering down from the surface.

He’d managed to make it up to the surface.  Briefly, but after what happened to him, he was extra determined to force his way to the surface if he had to.

Based off how well Y/N had lived, Levi had assumed that she would be somewhere within Wall Sina, and all he would have to do would be to evade the Military Police long enough to find a street familiar to where she lived.  He covered quite a bit of distance looking for her home, or at least something familiar from his time with her.  The longer he spent topside, though, the more he realized nothing looked like the place Y/N lived, even at the centermost, opulent part of Sina where the wealthiest lived.

She wasn’t up there.  All this time, he’d thought she was somewhere just above his head waiting for him, when really…

Levi let himself get caught and thrown back after that realization.  Originally he’d thought if he found her, they might be able to figure something out so he could stay.  That went out the window when he realized she wasn’t there.  If it wasn’t for the fact that he still wanted to live somewhere other than the Underground, somewhere clean and free of the filth underground, he might have thrown out any idea of going to the surface after realizing it wasn’t anywhere close to what he’d thought it would be.

It was still better than the Underground, and he still wanted to find a way up there.  The glaring question remained, though…

Where the hell was Y/N?  He knew all that time spent with her wasn’t some strange continuing fever dream--it was real.  He couldn’t explain it--how he got there, what sent him there, or even where there was, but he knew it was real, that she was real.

Where was he supposed to go from here?

Levi closed his eyes, running his hand slowly through his hair as he tried to grapple what he knew and figure it out from there.  Carriages that didn’t need horses, smooth stone streets, intricate clean water systems, colorful, variety of foods easily on hand, light without fire inside homes…

And how had he gotten there in the first place?  When...it was happening, it had been like he was being thrown between reality and a nightmare, except he’d been painfully aware that both were reality.  But he hadn’t moved from either spot as he went back and forth.  He’d stayed in the same pinned position in one reality, and was held in her arms in another, with no time passing when he’d...jump between the two.

None of this made sense to him.  He thought he was going to be sick again, or at the very least give himself a painful migraine.

The smell in the air changed, the breeze and natural sunlight disappeared, and Levi lifted his head instinctually, opening his eyes to find himself cross legged on Y/N’s bedroom floor, looking up at her as she turned from where she’d been getting up from her desk, freezing in place when she saw him just...sitting there.

And the mystery continued.

Anger rose inside him--not at her, more at the situation he found himself in and the complete, nonsensical nature of it all--and he got to his feet before she could react, his eyes stormy.

“What the fuck is this?” Levi snapped, arm spread out to indicate the world around them.  Knowing that simple sentence could easily be taken out of context and misconstrued with how out of the blue it was, he pressed on before she could answer the first question.  “None of this is normal, it’s not even possible!  A person doesn’t blink and find themselves somewhere else entirely--and I don’t even know where here is, because it sure as hell isn’t in the Walls!”

She hesitated in front of him, teeth biting down slightly into her lower lip as she endured his outburst, concern and a reflection of his own confusion in her gaze.  “I think we need to talk.”

“You don’t say,” he said bitingly.

She ignored his sour tone, putting her hair up and heading for the door.  “C’mon--this is probably a conversation to have in private, and we’ll have a better chance of that if we’re out of the house when my mom comes home,” she said.  Levi followed with an impatient air, watching her scribble a note to her mother telling the woman she was going to be at the park before they headed out of the house, Levi falling into step beside her.

“Last time got me thinking about this whole situation, too,” she started quietly as they walked, eyes fixed forward and a small frown on her face.  “I still don’t know what happened, and I don’t expect you to tell me, but your sudden appearance and then your later disappearance, whatever happened in that clearing…”

She let out a slow breath, eyes cast downwards for a moment.  “When we were younger, I didn’t think anything of it--it was just normal for us, you know?  But after that, it was a bit of a rude wake up call.  I started thinking about what little you’ve told me about where you’re from and how much you haven’t encountered before.”  She turned to meet his gaze.  “You said you were from someplace called the Underground, right?”

Levi nodded, gaze fixed steadily on her as he waited for her to get to the point instead of ramble on about a bunch of things he already knew because he’d been the one to experience it or he’d come to the questions on his own.

“Well, I looked into it to see if I could find the place you were talking about.  I came up with things like the Underground Railroad, or a bunch of clubs, a general reference to any shady business that isn’t done in broad daylight or to anything that’s done in secret with an exclusive group, a reference to the activities in 1920s Prohibition, shows, shopping centers underground, but I couldn’t find a place called the Underground that was an actual city like you...well, vaguely described.  It doesn’t exist.”

“I live there--I’m pretty certain it exists,” Levi deadpanned, all the while trying to figure out what parts of her explanation meant.  1920s?  Surely she didn’t mean a decade--they were only in the 800s.

“Yes, for you it does, but here, it doesn’t.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Okay then--these walls you just mentioned back there--what did you mean by that?”

For some reason, some strange kind of dread was settling in his stomach as they spoke.  “Wall Maria, Wall Rose, Wall Sina, the three walls on the surface that keep out the Titans from destroying the rest of humanity.”

Y/N did a full stop, blinking rapidly and visibly leaning back as she processed that information as if she’d never heard of such a thing before.  The sinking feeling in Levi’s gut seemed to solidify.

“We are going to come back to that, but for now, proving my point,” she eventually said, resuming her pace.  “We have nothing like that.  Sure, there’s the Great Wall of China and what’s left of the Berlin wall, but we don’t have any Maria, Rose, Sina, walls.  The only titans I can think of are the beings that came before gods in Greek mythology.  And I’m pretty sure humanity isn’t on the brink of destruction, because there’s billions worldwide.”

Levi held out a hand to stop her, doing his best to hide just how disturbed he was right now.  Once again, he wasn’t recognizing some of the names she threw out, and what she was starting to suggest was crazy talk.  “That’s impossible.”

“That’s my point--well, what I’m trying to say is going to sound absolutely insane.  I’ve never been so glad in my life to read and watch a bunch of fiction,” she said with a slightly wistful look on her face before turning to face Levi entirely.  “I don’t think we’re from the same world--or even the same universe,” she said, throwing her arms out wide.

Levi stared at her for a few moments, long enough that she put her arms down and asked, “What?”

“You’ve lost your damn mind,” he said flatly, turning to walk away and continue down the path.  She jogged to catch back up, letting out a frustrated huff.

“I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the only explanation I’ve got--have you got something better?”  When Levi hesitated, she plowed forward.  “I know you’re real, and you know I’m real--we’ve established that by now.  You know where you come from, I know where I come from--and you’ve seen where I live, we’re here right now!  So the Underground, these walls, whatever those Titans you mentioned are, they’re real, for you, but they’re not here where I live.”

“This has to be some kind of hallucination,” he muttered, a hand pressed to his forehead.  It made sense.  Maybe he wasn’t as adjusted as he thought he was, and this was a running hallucination he’d developed in his own mind to help him cope with his shit life.

Though he knew he wasn’t smart enough to come up with half the shit he saw when he was here.

But another world?  That was insanity.  It couldn’t be possible--it couldn’t!

Y/N grabbed his shoulders and made him face her, her face suddenly filled with surprising seriousness.  “It’s not a hallucination!” she nearly shouted in a tone much harsher than he thought she might have intended for it to come out.  “We’re both real--I can feel you, you can feel me.  I’ve taken care of you, and you’ve helped me.  We’ve played together, I’ve given you food, I’ve carried you on my back.  I’m real, and you know it, just like I know you’re real despite what everyone else says.”

There were angry tears in her eyes, and for a moment, Levi got the sense that there was a lot more going on here with that exclamation than their current discussion.  He was going to have to pry into that a little more later, but right now, they had to settle on a reality.

“Say I believe your crazy theory,” he said, easily pushing off her arms with one smooth motion as he spoke.  “How the hell am I getting thrown into another world, or another universe, without any time passing in my world?  And why, for that matter?”

“Time doesn’t pass in your world when you’re here?” she asked in a puzzled voice.  Levi shifted uncomfortably.

“No.  Except once,” he muttered, looking away, though he was certain that was an exception and had more to do with bouncing between--

Shit, he was buying into this already, wasn’t he?

“I don’t know how or why, I’m not Einstein, I just know it’s happening,” she said with a huff, starting back on the path again.  The forest was coming closer, the same one they’d been in last time he thought, and a part of him recoiled inside at the thought of going back to the clearing.

He really hoped she had more tact than to try and bring them there.

“Also, why the hell aren’t you freaking out about all this?  You’re way too calm,” he scowled.

“I’ve had time to go over my theory and come to terms with it.  It’s the only explanation I have, so it’s the one I’m going with.”

Levi fell silent, frowning as he walked with her, that sinking feeling in his gut growing more prominent and defined.

If he believed her, and this was all a different world...that meant that no matter how much he clawed and fought his way up the food chain, he wasn’t going to reach this place.  All of it was...unattainable, because it didn’t exist in /his/ world, and he never got to stay in this world.

It was fucked up.

And maybe that was part of the reason why he couldn’t accept it.

No, what he couldn’t accept was that he got to be teased with glimpses into another world, of a life he was denied and could never really have.  The fucked up parts were the believable parts, what made this easier to swallow.

He could never stay, and there wasn’t anything like this for him to find in his world, so it was something he could never have shoved into his face but always slipping out of his grasp.

It fell perfectly in tune with the shit life he’d had so far.

Y/N grasped his wrist lightly, pulling him in the direction of a forest path.  He lightly pulled his wrist free this time, and she turned her head away so he wouldn’t see her reaction.  He was still following her into the forest, though--he just wasn’t letting her pull him along like a limp doll.

“I figured now that we know this is what’s happening--what might be happening--” she corrected after seeing the still-doubtful look on his face.  If it was their reality, it was going to be a while for Levi to actually swallow it.  “We can at least talk to each other about our realities.  It might help us figure out what’s going on.  Or at least make it more real.  And we’ll know more about each other.”

Her tone sounded like she was trying to stay positive, but Levi was currently too caught up in the shitty end of the stick he was left holding while she seemed ecstatic, like she was discovering new land and reading a good book.  It made him feel sick.  She got all the good parts of this situation, a friend and a discovery, but what did he get?  He was the starving man in front of the feast he couldn’t have.

“What’s the fucking point?” he said venomously, and she came to a full halt at his tone, taken aback and--now he could see it--hurt by his tone.  But he pressed on, hurt and angry himself at the unfairness of the situation.  “Sure, it’s all great for you, so fucking exciting, but me?  My life’s shit.  Before I found my way to the surface, I thought this was right there if I tried hard enough, but now--now you’re telling me it’s a whole ‘nother world.  What the fuck is this for me other than the universe showing me more shit I can’t have?  What’s the point if I’m just going to keep getting kicked back into the goddamn dirt every time I see this place.  It doesn’t even fucking matter, does it?” Levi fumed.

It had to be the most he’d ever spoken to her at once, and here he was using it to shoot barbs at her.  But right now he was too mad to care.

Her eyes were downcast, lips pressed together, shoulders slightly hunched.  She might have been on the edge of tears.  In that moment, he started to regret his barbed words.  Yes, he was angry.  In the past he’d envied her what she had, but it had always been soothed by the thought that he might be able to reach it in the future.  He didn’t have that anymore.  So far, he’d always been here in flickers, a few days at the most before he was inevitably sent back to the exact moment he’d left.

What did it matter if he couldn’t stay?  What did it matter if nothing changed?  This was her reality, she got to stay here, while he was kicked back into the dirt--literally.  He hated it, and he thought a part of him might hate her for it.

“It’s still real, though,” she said softly, her voice a mere whisper and trembling with her barely held back tears.  “Your time here isn’t any less real.  It still counts for something.”

”...I didn’t want you to be alone…”

”I’m happy you came back, Levi.”  “Me too.”  “You’ll have to go back though, right?”  “Yeah.”  “Promise you’ll come back, again?”  “All Right.”

Piano music filtered through the air, soft and gentle, even if it occasionally stuttered or halted under fingers that were still learning.

“I won’t leave, Levi.  Not really.  I’ll always be here when you need me most.  I’m usually here waiting and looking for you to come back, anyway.”

”Let’s get you home so you can get clean.”

He was surrounded in warmth and comfort, a hand gently rubbing his back, another small body curled up close to him, offering him companionship and care...

”You’re going to be okay...I’m right here…

Levi looked away.

She was right.  He was just letting his anger get the best of him.  It still mattered.  Every bit of it.  Or was he really going to say that every kindness she’d extended to him meant nothing because she happened to--damn, he was admitting it--be from another world?  No.  Those kindnesses had meant everything to him--especially when they first met.  When Kenny left.  And recently…

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, feeling chastised by himself for speaking so harshly to her and making her tear up.  Shit, what was wrong with him?

She didn’t say anything.  The silence stretched a little longer between them before she spoke up again.

“Tell me about where you come from?” she asked timidly, and Levi looked at her doubtfully again, thinking of all those times he’d stayed quiet to shelter her from his reality.  Now he knew even the surface was worse than anything she had to deal with here, after that comment about humanity not being on the brink of extinction and Titans not even being a reality here.

“I want to understand…” she hesitated, withdrew into herself a little, and backtracked to rephrase her words.  What had she been about to say?  “Maybe if I know more about where you’re from, I can understand why this is difficult for you?  I don’t want to be insensitive or ignorant, I just...I just want to help.  And I can help better if I know,” she finished in a tiny voice.

“You don’t want to know about where I’m from--” Levi started to say dismissively, but she cut him off with that rare spark he kept glimpsing returning for a brief moment.

“I do,” she said firmly, a hard edge in her eyes before her features softened again.  “Besides, if you explain what your world is like, it might make explaining mine a little easier.”

She always charged in headfirst with the emotional stuff before adding the emotional stuff to try and be convincing.

He didn’t like the thought of exposing her to the dark underbelly that was his world, but she was so earnest--she really did want to understand, and as long as he’d known her, she’d always wanted to help in some way or another.  She’d always been helpful and caring, and he really hoped that talking about a place as dark as where he came from wasn’t going to taint that.

“Fine.”

He would talk about it, but he was still going to try and water it down for her sake.  She didn’t need to know the gritty details, just the general gist of what his world was like.  He could spend his time focusing on the technical parts and gloss over the graphicness of his life.

The two of them kept walking down the path until they found a stump to sit on just off the path, sitting side by side on the rim of the stump as they started to talk about their worlds, where they were from, what it was like, and answered questions from one another about certain details or things they had.

He felt shaken after their conversation.

The way she talked about her world, it made it look like Levi was stuck in the stone age or something.  Machines that did chores for them and performed crafting tasks that for him there were entire professional trades revolving around, transportation without horses, boats that flew in the air, lights that ran on some kind of power like lightning, machines to control the temperature inside houses, a world brimming with people and no man eating creatures bent on destroying them.

Besides man itself.

Hell, he began to wonder why there would be any interest in his world once he realized just how behind his world was.  Of course it was a different world, but still, it was even less interesting when Levi was trapped below ground and couldn’t tell her much about the world above him besides what he’d heard in stories and the brief glimpse he got running around trying to find her.

She did slip up and say that it was like something out of one of her dark fantasy books, but she’d caught how insensitive that had sounded and quickly apologized, cheeks burning.

There was plenty to talk about and discover about their worlds, but after a while, their throats started to hurt from all the talking, and they grew quiet.  Leaning against one another on the stump, Levi gazed up at the canopy of trees above them, listening to the sounds of the forest and Y/N’s breathing beside him.

“Levi?” she eventually asked in a soft voice.  He shifted slightly to look at her, wondering what she would ask about next.

“What happened?  The last time you where here?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

“You don’t want to know,” he said bluntly, voice coming off stiff and distant.

“I’m not stupid.  I know it was bad.  I know you got really hurt...and there’s only one way there was that much blood afterwards--”

“Stop asking,” Levi cut her off, pulling away and standing up again to walk a few steps away and try and cool down.  Not only did he not want her to know what had happened, to not realize where he lived was that dangerous, but he didn’t want to be thinking about it, he didn’t want to be reliving it.

He turned back to face her, and she’d pulled her knees up to her chest, looking every bit the kid that they both still were.  Though they sure weren’t acting like it.  His situation explained itself.  Hers?  She was starting to show a maturity beyond her age with how she’d handled the last experience.

Now that he thought about it...even when they’d been smaller, with all the times she’d asked to play games and have fun, she’d had an...awareness, about her.  There was the discussion they’d had after she’d been beat up at school, and the time when her parents were fighting about her father going back to war.  Hell, she’d said it herself when they were younger that she’d noticed he didn’t play enough.  Just because she was always acting carefree and playful around him didn’t mean she lacked maturity.  She might have been doing it for his sake this entire time.

He needed to give her more credit.  He still wasn’t going to willingly dump the fucked up parts of his life on her, but at least he could be a little wiser about her maturity and know better than to treat her like an ignorant child, even by accident.

“Okay,” she relented, her voice still low and soft.  “But Levi?  If you ever need to talk, or anything else, I’ll be here...okay?”

Levi didn’t answer or nod, looking back at the ground.  He knew she would--she always had been so far, even if she didn’t understand.  He knew she’d be there in the future, as long as he kept coming back here.

After a few more moments of silence, Y/N got to her feet again, facing him fully.  “Well, we should probably head back to my house--it’ll get dark soon, and if my mom comes home and I’m gone for too long she’ll freak out.  I can play the piano for you some more!” she offered cheerfully.

She really was on a mission to bolster his spirits whenever they were together, wasn’t she?  Still, Levi shrugged and walked back over to her.  “Knock yourself out,” he said casually, though he did feel that spark of interest inside him.  He did like listening to her play the piano, and he never turned her down when she offered to play.

As they were walking back, something occurred to Levi, and he looked up at Y/N with slightly narrowed eyes.  “Earlier...you said no one believed you when you mentioned me?  You had your stuff taken for lying that one time, but you said you didn’t lie.”

Her face fell slightly, and she nodded reluctantly.  “When we were younger my mom just wrote it off as me talking about imaginary friends.  But when I kept talking about you despite being old enough to grow out of it, and I kept insisting you were real, they got worried.  It stopped for a while after you brought me home because the cops had seen you too, even if it was briefly.  But now...she has me seeing a doctor because I keep insisting you’re real.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly, the seriousness of that statement falling over him and a few of her words shifting into sharper clarity and impact.  He hadn’t known she was having to defend his existence over here--he hadn’t even known she’d told anyone else about him.  And to hear her mother thought she was crazy talking about a boy her mother had never seen but had somehow followed them through all their moves across the country.  It seemed like she was a hair’s breadth away from being called crazy, all because she refused to deny that he was real, even if he wasn’t around.

No wonder she’d reacted so strongly when he denied this was happening and it was some sick hallucination.

His jaw clenched, as did his hand at his side out of her view.

It was the best answer he could give.  A sense of solidarity, and a removal of doubt from the one person she’d thought wouldn’t deny the reality of what was happening.

“I know you’re real, too.”

Next Chapter---->

Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn​ @humanitys-hottestsoldier​ @whalerus​ @sunny-flo​

Through The Looking Glass Tags:  @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie​ @tartheyes​ @super-peace-fangirl​ @huntersbunker​ @nefelimalfoy​ @soft-levi-girl-blog​ @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal​ @sugas-daddy7​ @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife​

[hitsuackerman]

Unpredictable (Overhaul x Reader) pt.20

a/n: i... smell... drama...

warnings: this cannot be read solo

Links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 21

Masterlist to my other fics: here :)

Overhaul’s waiting list: @jjk-biased @infinite-universe-love @dirtypride @blackymomo03 @azzie @purple-rabanito​ @meximorrita @awesomeee19​​ @celestial-kanzakii​ @laure-lo​ @team-wang-puppy​ @aydience-world​ @choros-main-hoe​ @colorseeingchick​  @but-kairis-not-that-smart(i cant seem to tag again :( hope this lands in your timelines!)

Keeping both your palms rested on your thighs, it took a lot of energy to regulate your steadily increasing blood pressure. Not seeing Overhaul for almost a week made you realize just how gorgeous his face was, despite it being partially covered by the beak. From time to time, you would send a death glare to Tsukauchi.

It also took a considerable amount of dedication not to look at him. Thankful that peripheral views exist, you were sure how his golden eyes would linger on your silently panicking figure. Tapping your foot was definitely not helping.

“So that’s the rerun for later.” Tsukauchi ended the presentation and closed the projector. He, too, could feel the increasing tension in the room. Yet, this had been a part of his plan. Seeing how you were down made him move and decide that it was time for him to intervene. He also took note on how Overhaul made zero effort in concealing his stares. “Any questions?”

“The back route seems a bit faulty.” One of the officers commenced making Tsukauchi reach for the printed copy. “Is there an alternate route?”

“We can opt to use the fire exit but it would be too obvious on our part. I specifically chose this route since there are less hindrances along the way and it would be easy to be lost in the crowd.”

“I’m pretty sure the Fukuo Kai will be heavily guarding the back route.”

“On the contrary,” Overhaul spoke up. Each person jumping at the sudden intrusion of his muffled voice. “The back route will make things easier. If your lot wants to narrowly escape then being cornered will be a good thing. Those bastards aren’t the best when they get separated from their mother hen.”

Hearing him speak sent shivers down your spine. Gritting your teeth, you pushed your quirk a bit more to relax yourself. Personal emotions aside, he had a point.

“He just sided with Tsuka-kun.” Shinezu leaned in and whispered. “Is this a fever dream?”

“No. Take the sociopath away, he’s relatively stable.” You praised him. “One of the best villains to work with, in all honesty.”

“Oh right, you were paired up with him before the… holy smokes this guy’s got balls. Entering a precinct despite having the heroes planning to capture him? What I’d give to have his confidence.”

“You’ll get there, Shinez. Just get out of the office more.” You squeezed his shoulders and earned an enthusiastic huff.

With the briefing now finished, Overhaul excused himself and left the room. The way he turned around without a care in the world, or at least the people in the room, made the butterflies in your stomach tingle with a certain longing that only he could fill. Chewing on your inner cheek, it was getting difficult to stop yourself from standing up and drag him to that one secluded area to pour your pent up emotions.

Shaking your head, you shifted your attention back to the meeting. It had not registered that there were still a few small talks happening. Luckily, no one took it to themselves to converse with you. Listening to their conversations, one of them addressed his concerns about having to work with a villain.

“It goes beyond our belief.” He commented. Forehead wrinkling at the thought of having Overhaul as a team mate.

“He does the job rather well.” Tsukauchi defended him. His words bore no ill-will. “His quirk will be of help later. Also take into consideration that your group will not be in the same area as him. (l/n) and I will be with him guarding the premises.”

“Still. I bet right now, he’s listening in on our conversation. Doesn’t that bother you?” His eyes slid to your silent mouth. Almost as if asking for validation. One that he would not be getting anytime sooner.

“I digress. I’ve worked with him a bit longer than Nao.” You caught his stare and shrugged. “As long as you don’t question his motives, he’ll cooperate. He does what he wants and what we want as long as boundaries are present.”

“Suit yourselves.” Standing up, the 4th division officer commanded the others to follow him into the garage.

Once it was only Tsukauchi, Shinezu, and you inside the room, one more small conversation ensued.

“Do you want him to ride in your car or mine?” Tsukauchi asked.

“Am I missing something?” Shinezu asked with eyes wide open. Head going back and forth from his coworkers.

“You’re the head of the case.” Smiling at your partner, you would respect whatever decision he would make. “Surprise me. I’ll wait by the lobby.”

Leaving the room, you immediately proceeded to your desk and grabbed the necessities. Knowing you would gear up at the site, the trip was short and you were now seated in the driver’s seat. Key inside the ignition hole, the engine warming up to be put to good use. Getting a message that you were to wait by the entrance, you followed suit and squinted when sunlight hit your eyes.

Turning your hazard lights on, you stared at the entrance of the building. Who would be seated beside you in the minutes to come? Hearing your ringtone, you tore your gaze away and grabbed your phone.

“Gei?” This was the last person you’d expect to call you at this time. Gripping your phone a little harder, you waited for him to speak up.

“Yes yes yes, I know! And relax, I’m fine!” He assured you. “I just called to inform you that next week, my schedule will be cleared due to some conference that got rescheduled. I was thinkin we could head out and have some quality time together?”

“What do you have in mind?” Reaching for your planner, you checked your own schedule next week and found you could squeeze in a few hours for him. Looking into your rearview mirror, your eyes widened at the sight of the reflection. “Holy smokes. I gotta go. I’ll call you later, Gei.”

“Is your mission starting? Oh shit! I’m so sorry for disturbing you! Take care and stay safe, (n/n).” He managed to spit out some words before he could hear the door opening through the line.

“I apologize for making you wait.” Overhaul said as he seated himself in the backseat. Closing the seat, his sight remained glued to the outside world. His fingers now playing with the hems of his white gloves.

“GIRL?! IS THA-” Before you would let Overhaul hear what your friend had to say, you ended the call and closed your planner.

Half expecting that Tsukauchi would let him ride your car, you felt your chest tighten at the fact he was in the backseat and not beside you. Perhaps things were really different after that Ackerman name drop. Remembering he had apologized for making you wait, you placed the planner back into your bag and thanked the seat for covering your flushed face.

“It really wasn’t that long.” Seated properly again, you caught his intense golden eyes staring at your mirror. Not one to back out from a staring game, it shocked yourself when you tore your gaze first. A mission was at hand and personal feelings should now be set aside. “You ready?”

With no response, you began the trip to the rendezvous point.

What usually was filled with small talks and easy flowing conversations, the car ride proved to be longer than you wanted. Whatever comfortable silence shared before was now replaced with thick tension. All it takes would be one word to break the ice and perhaps mend the splitting relationship, but intuition told you otherwise. Giving him what he wants would only make things worse.

If it wasn’t for Tsukauchi’s car appearing into view, you would have caved and threw your pride. Parking the car, you watched as he opened the door and immediately closed it. Memories of 6 nights ago flooding your brain. Shaking the thoughts away, you grabbed your phone and made sure to hide the burner phone in the glove compartment.

Once you were met with Tsukauchi and Shinezu, you were bombarded with questions.

“How was the car ride? You’re alive! Did he share any of his ideas and ways of life?” Shinezu asked away.

“It was a silent ride.” You gave your partner a shrug. “He sat in the backseat so I was his chauffeur for the entire duration.”

“Oi, you three! Get in here!” One of the officers from the 4th division called your attention. Gesturing you three to approach the small tent, Tsukauchi nodded and led the group. Inside the small tent were a bunch of monitors displaying the camera footage of the targeted building. “Birdman has entered the building and is heading to his position. So far, the targets are where they’re supposed to be.”

“Keep us updated. It won’t be long before their meeting will start.” Tsukauchi reached for an earpiece and handed each one of you as well. Giving Shinezu final instructions, both of you watched as the shy man exited the tent and appeared on one of the monitors. “He may be shy but he does undercover well.”

“Couldn’t agree more~” You smirked at how Shinez rolled his shoulders and took much more confident strides.

“Ah, (y/n), a word…” Tsukauchi opened the tent doors and led you to his car. “First off, I’m sorry for the sudden intrusion of Overhaul. I just hate seeing you so down these days. I thought that if he were to see you, whatever you see in him might come out and things might turn out for the better.”

“Don’t mind, don’t mind~” Scratching your neck, it was honestly the thought that counted. “I got to see him so I guess it ain’t all that bad. Plus, spoiling him wouldn’t do us any good so…”

“Just talk to him later. Truth be told, he didn’t want to come.” Staring at the building, Tsukauchi couldn’t help but wonder, what would happen once the earpiece would finally establish connection. “When I told him you’d be there, he changed his mind before ending the call.”

The rest of the hours flew by and the meeting finally began. Tsukauchi was listening carefully through the earpiece while you monitored Shinezu. Every now and then, you would glance at the monitor which focused on Overhaul. If things were still the way before, you would bet your money that Overhaul would be texting you on how the meeting was a waste of his time.

Feeling your chest tightening and your shoulders getting heavier by the minute, you focused back on Shinezu’s camera. It was only for a second but you caught how the man flinched. Furrowing your brows, you asked the person in charge to zoom in on Shinezu. Pointing towards the communication device, the officer quickly grabbed it and handed it over. With your thumb grazing the small  button, you waited till you were sure the man was in distress. Seeing how he put his hand in his pocket, you clicked on the button.

“Calm down.” Heartbeat slowly picking up its pace. “Scratch your cheek if you’re in need of back up, touch your chin if it’s urgent.”

Hearing what you stated, the officer stood up and ordered the back up team to prepare..

The moment Shinezu touched his chin, you put the device down and gave them the go signal. Jogging to Tsukauchi’s station, you updated him of the current events to which he relayed to Overhaul. Continuing the task, you went back to your seat and pushed the button.

“Backup is on it’s way, Shinez. Leave now.” You watched as the conversation between him and the other man continued. With your finger tapping on the jagged edge of the device, your focus was now on another monitor. Letting out your held breath, relief flooded you when the other man turned his back and made his way back to whatever business he had. Once Shinezu was in a clear spot, the button was pushed once more. “What the heck happened?”

“I heard a gunshot. Presumably on the floor above.” He was now running towards the elevator while loosening his tie.

Looking at the other monitors, the mentioned floors looked fine.

“Shit. Nao!”

“On it.”

Leaving your posts to the other officers, Tsukauchi and you geared up before jogging towards the entrance. Careful of your surroundings.

“How long did you think they rigged the footage?” You asked as you entered the building. It was oddly and unsettling. Focusing on whatever noise would suffice, all you could hear were each of your footsteps on the floors. Clicking your earpiece, you tried to communicate with whoever could be reached. “Anyone from 4. Do you copy?”

“One injured. 5th floor.” One officer managed to reply.

Giving you a signal, Tsukauchi went towards the stairs while you were left to further inspect the ground floor for any possible civilians or members in hiding. Sighing at the turn of events, you took out your handgun and cocked it. Cautiously taking one step after another, you began to check each room and corner till you were sure the vicinity was clear.

Heading to the fire exit, you made your way to the 4th floor. Just as you were about to open the door, the ground shook. Staring at the ceiling, you took note of the looming cracks. Not wanting to remain in the cramped area, you entered the hallway. Not expecting the floor to be somewhat of a wreck, you covered your nose and squint at all the dust.

It took a while to adjust, but the floor was now clearer to your eyes. Coughing a bit, you took more steps forward. Before turning the corner, you stopped in your tracks when you heard a familiar voice.

“Where is he?” The way it was muffled only gave him away. “Tsk. You made such a mess.”

Peaking, you saw his tall figure. Hands void of any gloves.

Hearing a crunching sound behind you, your eyes searched the premises only to be met with emptiness. With your finger resting on the trigger, you were more than ready to defend yourself. Even if it meant shooting a person, the only thing you hated about the job.

“Answer me, you rat. The meeting was going well till that little gesture you did with your hands.” Bending his body down, the tip of his mask touched the trembling person’s cheek. “Don’t make me ask again.”

“H-he went to the rooftop.” The man answered.

“Did you get that?” Overhaul touched his earpiece. It was quiet again. “Hmm? No one’s on the rooftop? Well then, that’s not my problem anymore now is it?”

Taking the small device from his ear, he stared at it before overhauling. Adjusting his jacket, you watched as he knelt and stretched out a hand towards the other person’s neck. Not wanting a mess of things, it was time you intervene.

“I wouldn’t kill him if I were you…” Stepping out of your little corner, you felt your throat parching when he peered at you over his shoulder. Putting the handgun away, you showed him your palms and walked closer to the two men. “We can bring him in and question him in the precinct.”

“This has nothing to do with the Fukuo Kai case.” His gaze now back at the man. “Stay out of it.”

“As much as I want to stay out of it, this man is still a part of the Fukuo Kai. We need him in one piece.”

“I thought you swore not to, I quote, snoop around.” His hand now wrapped around the other person’s neck. Standing to his feet, you watched as the helpless man struggled for oxygen. “Leave.”

“I’d rather not.” You stood your ground. “The others already think negatively of you, despite you lending a helping hand. Just give him to us and I’ll even give you the privilege of asking a few questions.”

“Do you think I actually care about what you people think? All of you are mere pawns in my game.” Tightening his grip, his golden eyes bore holes into the choking man. Not for long though, a second after, the deafening scream was replaced with the sounds of blood splattering on the walls. Turning around to face you, Overhaul wiped the blood off his hands onto his jacket. “Listen, I may have agreed to work with your lot, but there was no agreement regarding my actions and its consequences.”

“I’m well aware.” Lifting your chin up, you continued. “But this doesn’t revolve around you. You’re my pawn in this case. Remember, if you want out, go ahead. I can pull a few strings and solve this case without you.”

“Then so be it.”

- - - - -

a/n: oops. did yall like this chapter? this was pretty difficult to write since ive never really written this kind of scene (save for BLEACH because i may or may not have a Hitsugaya x Reader couchcough) but i hope yall like the increasing drama! :*

[booitislife]

Let’s Talk About Periods

My period is horrible. I have heard people who don’t get periods say: “It can’t be that bad.” Yes, yes it can. Some studies suggest that cramps can be a worse pain for women than a heart attack. My period technically starts a few days before bleeding. I get a period flu. A period flu is a few days of unexplained illness and flu-like symptoms (low grade fever, chills, etc) a few days before your period starts. I didn’t used to get this, but my body decided I needed this. The first time I got it, my doctor put me on antibiotics thinking I had a sinus infection. (She is proactive about fevers because I am a transplant patient).

My minor symptoms are bloating, diarrhea, lethargy, sometimes headaches, I get irritable, my breasts hurt for a few days, and some other lesser inconveniences. However - my biggest two issues? Pain and bleeding.

Bleeding - I bleed for eight to ten days every month. Usually the first one and last two of the cycle are light. I tend to have one or two very heavy days, depending on the month, and when I say heavy - I mean clots. Lots of them. I will soak through a ten hour pad in less than two hours. I have lost so many pairs of underwear. I now have “period underwear” that is darker or just old so I don’t care if it gets stained. The rest of the days are moderate.

Pain - This is the worst part of my period. I start cramping on day one and I usually don’t stop until the second to last day of my period. When I say it’s bad - I mean excruciating. I was once taken to the hospital by my mom because I couldn’t breathe right during cramps. The doctors rushed me in, thinking I was having a miscarriage, a burst cyst, or maybe appendicitis. They did lab work and ultrasounds. While I was waiting they gave me fentanyl, which is 80-100x stronger than morphine. I could still feel the pain. It dulled it, but didn’t negate it. The doctor came back in shock - there was nothing wrong. No miscarriage, no cysts, and my appendix looked great. These were just the cramps I was going to have to live with. I was given pain meds for every month - 20 - to deal with that I’m going through.

I have a few period journal entries that I would like to post. If you don’t want to read, please scroll down past the blue writing. Sadly, these are only four of dozens of examples.

September 17, 2020 - Day 5 of my period.

Woke up with horrible cramps that were so bad I was shaking. Slept on the couch again because I was tossing and turning so much from the pain. Didn’t fall asleep until nearly 4. Passed a clot which, usually by day 5, will alleviate some of the pain, but it didn’t. The exhaustion took over and I fell asleep until about 11:30, but when I woke up I was so tired I could barely move.

November 16, 2020 - Day 4 of my period.

I could not sleep last night. The pain is intense and comes in waves. The bleeding started to get heavy a little after 7AM. It’s a little after 8:30 when I’m writing this and I have passed 2 large clots and probably 5-6 smaller ones. I soaked through 1 pad already. I’m going back to bed and hopefully sleep for a few hours. Woke up with horrible cramps. Haven’t been able to get out of bed. Managed to get some food down to take my antibiotic, but that’s it. I am exhausted and the pain is radiating to my knees.

February 9, 2021 - Day 3 of my period.

I finally fell asleep around three, but I woke up a little after five with searing cramps. They went down my legs and around my back. I could barely think straight. I took meds, tried meditation, used a heating pad. Nothing helped, I finally passed a big clot and the pain subsided. I moved to the couch and was almost asleep when the pain started again around 9. I did everything the same - meds, meditation, heat. I’m going to try to get some more sleep.

April 14, 2021 - Day 2 of my period.

Having trouble getting to sleep. After taking pain meds and using pain cream on my back, the pain is just getting worse. I almost fell asleep, but woke up in pain. It’s 1:30 AM, and I am heading downstairs to lay on the couch with my heating pad. I can’t get comfortable and the pain is getting worse. It’s 5AM. I still can’t sleep. The pain is very bad. I just want to sleep through it and I can’t. Couldn’t sleep. The pain has somehow gotten worse over the afternoon. As of right now, I have pain meds in my system, pain cream on my back and abdomen, I took a very hot bath, and I am now laying with a heating pad. I am still in searing pain. I can’t do this much longer. I burst into tears a few minutes ago. Why won’t someone help me?

I have asked doctors, so many times, to have a hysterectomy. At first I was told I was too young. Then? I was told my husband would need to sign off on such a procedure. My husband was more than ready. If anything, he was just overtly appalled that he would have to do that, or that any doctor worth there degree would ask that. He asked what it would take for him to get a vasectomy. They said just call a urologist. “Would she have to sign off?” He asked indicating me, and when he was told no he said: “This is a ridiculous double standard. booitislife can make her own choices.”

I have seen 6 OBGYN’s in the last 8 years. The first told me I was too young. She offered a procedure called an Endometrial ablation. It does greatly reduce the bleeding issues. However, I wasn’t really worried about the bleeding - I was worried about the pain. She told me it wouldn’t really do anything for the pain, so I said no. I have to be careful with my transplanted kidney and any kind of anesthesia can be dangerous.

The second OBGYN was a man in the same office who was also conducting a cervical biopsy on me. I’ll never forgot the intense flash of pain and how I nearly yelled, but I did start to cry. According to my husband there was blood spray on the floor as the doctor looked up at me and said in a condescending voice - “That doesn’t hurt! Come on!” And then he laughed. He wouldn’t even discuss a hysterectomy. From that biopsy I learned I have pre-cancer on my cervix and underwent a LEEP procedure. They use a hoop wire heated by electric current to scrape off the parts that could become dangerous.

The third was about a half an hour away at a bigger hospital. He was the guy who did an endometrial biopsy on me. Different than the cervical biopsy, this was just a precaution after something looked off. He wasn’t as condescending as the others, and that biopsy came back normal. However, he wouldn’t do the hysterectomy either. He said I should go to a doctor in a hospital that has a transplant team - seemed reasonable.

Between the 3rd and 4th doctores I had been doing my research. I went to my nephrologist that was keeping track of my transplanted kidney, and told him about my struggles. He said he saw no issue with me getting a hysterectomy and, in fact, I should. He even confirmed with the current head of transplant from the hospital I had my transplant surgery in. So, I was off - feeling more confident. This new OBGYN was a doctor at my transplant hospital.

The fourth OBGYN - or as I call him “The Biggest Mother Fucker I had the displeasure to meet”. He dismissed a lot of my concerns quickly, and talked to me as if I didn’t know anything. Then, he asked if I wanted to try an IUD. Now, I have nothing against anyone who gets an IUD. If that is for you, and it’s working - awesome. I know my brain. I know my brain would focus on everything bad an IUD could do. I politely explained this to my doctor. This wasn’t an option for me. My panic would go crazy. He wrote some things down and told me he wanted to to a procedure just to check for any cancer cells that could be hiding, but (and oh yes, there was a big but) he would only do the procedure if I signed yes to getting a Mirana IUD. I had to sign a consent form before he would even schedule the procedure. So, I did. Then I canceled my procedure and never went to see him again. Oh, also, this asshole handed me pro-life pamphlets on my way out.

The fifth OBGYN - more trusting, no results. At this point I was exhausted. I was tired of trying and being let down, fighting to get an appointment. This OBGYN was a woman and she worked in the same office as the second guy I went to. I laid it all out for her. I told her what the previous doctor did. I told her about the pain, about not being able to barely move. I poured out my heart and soul to her. She empathized, then told me she did not feel comfortable doing my hysterectomy. Because the uterus is close to the transplanted kidney, she thought I needed a specialist. A type of doctor called an OBGYN oncologist. As luck would have it, there was one on staff at my transplant hospital. I waited and waited for an appointment. I waited for over a year. Finally they called and said they were just too booked. They had one doctor who did it, and it was most dire cases first. I understand that. So, I wasn’t angry or frustrated this time. The office at the hospital asked me if I would like to see another OBGYN on staff. I said as long as it wasn’t OBGYN Biggest Mother Fucker I had the Displeasure to Meet. I asked if it could be a woman and we set it up.

Okay, the last one for now. The OBGYN they set me up with was a resident. She seemed nice at first. We sat and talked about my pain, the exhaustion. She wanted to talk birth control options. Great. Her advice to me was to stay away from the shot and the implant. She agreed about the IUD not being right for me. So, she said she wanted me to start talking the pill. I stopped her. I had been on the pill twice. Once when I was 16, another time when I was 24. Two different kinds. Both times I had side effects. The most prominent was this intense stomach cramp. I would get headaches, nausea, extreme weight gain. I couldn’t live my life. I told this doctor that and she didn’t even look at me in the eye when she said...... “Well, I won’t even consider a hysterectomy until you’re on six full months of birth control.” It didn’t matter what other symptoms I had. It didn’t matter what I was and wasn’t comfortable with, not really. So, here I am, looking for lucky number 7 when it comes to OBGYN’s.

As I sit here tonight, losing a lot of blood through clots, being so tired I can’t think, but in too much pain to sleep. I found myself so angry. About an hour before I started writing this I had a pretty big panic attack. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. But - Tuesday night I slept for three hours. Last night I slept about five. Tonight it is almost 3 AM and I’m still awake. The pain is exhausting, but also keeps me awake. It also makes me tense. So, parts of my body started tingling. Instead of my logical side taking over and saying, “Yeah, you have been clenching for four days. You’re gonna feel odd things.” I convinced myself I was dying and had to take medicine. I am so tired on a deep level. I don’t want to have to go through this anymore, and I don’t know if that makes me sound selfish... I just.., I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS ANYMORE.

So, here we are. If you experience cramps like I do, I am so truly sorry. You don’t deserve them, and if I could do something to help you - I would in a heartbeat. People should not have to live like this. Doctors should listen to us and hear when we say that something like this is, genuinely, detrimental to our lives. If we want permanent birth control whether it be our tubes tied, an ablation, or a hysterectomy - it’s our body. We should decide what we can do with it. Please don’t stop fighting. Please don’t stop advocating for yourself. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Have a good night, anyone who reads this. Thank you for reading this long-winded rant. Take care of yourself.

[lacefuneral]

Hello! If you haven't done them yet for the ship meme, would you answer 4, 14, and/or 21? Thank you!

(ship headcanon meme)

I’m not sure if this is for spirk or daforge so I’m doing both!

TOS Spirk:

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Honestly? Spock. Between being raised with Vulcan values and not being able to form significant interpersonal relationships (due to bullying/xenophobia) I imagine that he’d be incredibly touch starved. Kirk brushes against his arm for the first time. Just a casual, platonic gesture and Spock’s like “I… am not opposed to this.” Because finally, he gets to experience physical contact from another person that isn’t violent in nature. So he welcomes all of the times that Kirk puts a hand on his shoulder, or pats his back, or tugs at a sleeve to get his attention. It reminds Spock that he is safe and cared for.

So when they actually start dating (and they’re no longer secretive about it), it’s just… PDA city. He wants to reciprocate, send those same feelings back to Jim and more. Spock’s leaning on him, hugging him, resting his head on Jim’s shoulder, and holding his hand (like the whole hand - not just ozh'esta). Stuff that by human standards is relatively tame, and not too dissimilar from what Jim was doing before (if a bit more lovey-dovey), but by Vulcan standards is risqué at best, obscene at worst. Anyway, Jim loves every second of it. He’s like “Hello, my gorgeous Vulcan. Yes, you can sit on the armrest of the captain’s chair and thread our fingers together. ;)”

The crew hates it. Like, there’s no lips involved but they know what’s up. You know the vine of the couple holding each other in Panera Bread? It’s like that.  

IS THIS ALLOWED? IS THAT ALLOWED?

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Jim is THE biggest baby when he gets a cold. He just kind of flops over and is like “This is it! I’m going to die!” And Spock just sort of rolls his eyes and brings him his cough medicine, or whatever they have in the future. And he’ll open up a book of Vulcan poetry, and read to Jim in his dulcet baritone until he eventually falls asleep.

Spock, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He’s exceedingly stubborn, and refuses to stay in bed. Instead, he’ll try to suit-up in full hazmat gear (to avoid contamination) and run experiments in his lab. Until Jim catches him, of course, and does his usual: “Ah, ah, ah! No you don’t, mister!” Drags him back to his quarters, tucks him into bed, and climbs under the covers with him to keep him nice and warm. (Because Vulcans are cold-blooded.) Eventually, Spock relents, and falls asleep while Jim spoons him and gently strokes his hair.

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

It’s the places they don’t go together that makes them nervous. There’s always that fear where, if only one of them goes on an away mission, the other won’t be there to protect him from danger. But having the bond helps. They’re able to check in with one another, even from a great distance - even when communicators are unhelpful. And that eases the worry somewhat.

That being said…

Spock always feels weird about going back home to Vulcan, because he has a lot of bad memories there. He worries that he’ll encounter people who harassed him in his youth, or that people will be hostile towards his human bondmate. And Jim worries for Spock, doesn’t want him to feel uncomfortable or afraid of his homeworld. And he reminds Spock of how much he has accomplished, and assures him that he will make a fine ambassador someday. That the xenophobia he faced as a child is becoming a thing of the past, and that he has the same right to be there as any other Vulcan. And that no matter what happens, Jim will always love and support him. The first couple of trips are rough on them both, but eventually they manage to not only feel comfortable visiting Vulcan, but greatly look forward to it. Spock always takes him to museums and historical sights, and Jim eagerly learns about the culture so he can understand his husband better.

Daforge:

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

I feel like at first, both of them would be really awkward about any sort of contact. Because Data isn’t sure when he should hold hands with or kiss Geordi. Where is that behavior acceptable, and where is it not? How does he know if that’s what Geordi wants? Meanwhile, Geordi assumes that because Data is an android, he just… has no interest in that sort of thing. And that, if Data did reciprocate, he’d only be doing it to please Geordi and not because he genuinely wants to do that. But eventually Data asks Geordi if he can kiss him, because he loves him and wants to “Express this through a physical gesture.” And Geordi’s like: uhhhh yeah, of course you can! And the awkwardness completely diffuses after that.

Once Geordi has been reassured that Data genuinely wants physical affection - that the feelings are mutual - he readily initiates it. Lots of arms-around-the-waist-smiling-against-his-back “Hey, babe. We still on for chess today?” Lots of standing-on-the-tips-of-his-toes to give Data a quick peck on the lips. If he’s feeling ambitious (and no one else is around) he might even give Data a playful smack on the butt, which never fails to make the android blush.

But Geordi isn’t the only one who does PDA. Data, for his part, is fond of kissing the back of Geordi’s hand like a Victorian suitor. Sometimes, he’ll kiss Geordi’s forehead (because it’s easier than craning his neck all the way down to kiss his lips). Or, when he’s feeling ambitious (and no one else is around), he’ll abruptly hoist Geordi into the air and carry him bridal style, which never fails to make the engineer blush.

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Data has this On Lock™. Just like he has done with Spot, he’s programmed a vast collection of soups and teas into the replicators that he’s designed for Geordi when he gets sick. (He always requests his mom’s chicken noodle soup, though, so that particular endeavor was a waste of time.) He ensures that the room is kept at an optimal temperature, that the lights aren’t too bright (in case Geordi decides to put on his VISOR), that the sound of ocean waves are playing in the background, the humidifier is running, that there’s a box of tissues and a bag of cough drops nearby, and even gives Geordi a giant teddy bear to hug if he has work to do or if he’s summoned to the bridge.

Otherwise, Data cuddles up alongside him and helps to keep Geordi’s fever down by lowering his own temperature - essentially turning himself into a giant ice pack. He massages out any sore muscles, he rubs Geordi’s back if he throws up, and he regularly updates Dr. Crusher on Geordi’s status three times an hour, just in case. We love a caring boyfriend.

Data doesn’t really get sick, because he’s an android, but he does occasionally experience a malfunction or receives damage during an away mission. During those times, Geordi just softly talks to him and assures him that everything is going to be okay while he performs the necessary repairs. Sometimes he sings to him. I’d like to imagine it’s this song by Billie Holiday. :’)

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

After the whole Kivas Fajo incident, they tend to stick very closely together when they’re dealing with cargo freighters, scavengers, and “collectors.” Not just for Data’s sake, but for Geordi’s. His VISOR has been stolen multiple times - with the intention of being traded for bars of gold-pressed latinum. They both watch out for each other, and they do alright - but it’s still stressful to have to be vigilant during these times.

[make-it-mavis]

Homesick (Entry #14)

(cw: drug withdrawal, vomiting) <-Previous ----------

01/02/88  1:34 PM

Hey.

Can’t believe I’m still going to all the effort of writing this dramatic, emotional crap down while you’re not even here to be uncomfortable about it with me. This is so unnatural. But I keep coming back to it, so…

Showering felt good. I wasn’t too happy about smelling like Fix-it’s bath products, but clearing away the grime was therapeutic in its own small way, especially since my skin was smooth and intact again. No dirt, no blood, no wounds, no outward evidence that anything had happened to me at all. 

The feeling of cleanliness was tragically short-lived, however. I’d barely finished drying off before my skin clammed up and my body felt wrapped up in a hot, wet blanket. Boost withdrawal had snuck up on me, hiding behind other, much bigger stressors. Fix-it would soon regret lending me his disturbingly comfortable, silky, immaculately free-of-his-cousin’s-sweat pajamas.

I was in for a long night.

When I left the bathroom, I found Fix-it sitting on the couch next to a folded-up blanket and some pillows, looking thoughtful or troubled or something inexplicably annoying. He straightened up the second he saw me, and gave a wobbly sort of smile. “Did it do ya good to get clean?” he asked, painfully awkwardly.

I just grimaced, waist-deep in withdrawal, not loving the irony in his question.

I sat next to him, leaned my head back, and put a cold, wet hand towel that I’d nicked from the bathroom over my face. It relaxed me a bit, but relaxing wasn’t much of an improvement. My idle mind had no safe path to wander, no distraction other than my climbing fever. So I resorted to focusing on that, and let myself sink like a rock into that post-Boost depression. I needed a hit so badly. I just imagined that sweet electric rush dissolving the withdrawal, blowing away the fog over my senses, charging me back up with fierce courage so I could get back out there and face the arcade. Thinking about a remedy only made me feel sicker, but I didn’t care. More sickness meant more distractions from… other things. 

I was in for a really long night.

It wasn’t until Fix-it said “Mavy..?” that I realized he had been talking. Silently asking the Devs why he was still trying to have a conversation with me, I replied with a grunt.

Assumedly repeating himself, he said carefully, “I just wanted to say thank you… You know, for… trusting me.”

I figured he was kind of putting words in my mouth, but whatever. I was willingly staying in his home, so he wasn’t completely wrong. But I knew he really meant trusting him with… well, everything written on my body. To that, I did not know what to say. I lifted the corner of the cloth on my face to peer at him. He was giving me those earnest eyes again, the ones that his binary may as well tumble out of. I could almost feel the bags under my eyes getting heavier. It felt like anything I could have said would only have made me worse off.

After a sufficiently weird pause, I figured out what to say.

“Do you have a bucket?”

“...Beg pardon?”

“So I don’t puke on your floor.”

“Oh!”

He sprung up like a popcorn kernel, disappeared for a second, and returned with a gross-looking utility bucket, probably the only dirty thing I’d seen in his apartment thus far. It had definitely been used for paint at some point, of all things. Then, seemingly trying to top his personal best record for stupid questions, he asked if I was nauseous. I didn’t dignify it with a response. After that, he just insisted on brewing me some tea that I can’t remember the name of, because it would, as he put it, soothe my “tummy” and help me sleep.

I told him that if he said “tummy” again, I might miss the bucket.

While the tea steeped, we had some minor disagreements about the sleeping arrangement. He wanted to take the couch while I slept in his bed, but I was having none of that. The final verdict was that he’d take the bed, I’d take the couch, and if I somehow needed something that I couldn’t get myself, I could wake him up.

The tea was counterproductive. When I went to drink it, the mug didn’t even make it to my lips. I took one whiff of the scent -- not a bad one, but a scent nonetheless -- and my stomach lurched. I retched into the bucket not a moment later. Fix-it sprung up and practically started whining like an anxious dog. At the same time, though, he looked like he was fighting the urge to sympathy vomit. We had agreed on lights out just a moment ago, but he insisted that he must stay up with me for just a little while longer.

I groaned into the bucket in my lap, “To do what, read me a bedtime story?”

“...Well--”

“No.”

He gave up after that. At long last, he turned in for the night. He got me a glass of water, turned off the lights, and pretended to close the door behind him when he went into his room -- he left it cracked, for some reason I’d no doubt disagree with.

Once the lights were off, it really stood out to me just how wrong it felt spending the night inside Niceland again, after all these years. It was obscenely quiet, the only thing close to white noise being Wreck-it’s distant snoring. The windows didn’t need any blackout shutters like they would in your game, what with our game’s permanent night setting, but the cold, dim light from the cabinet’s screen around the corner was just enough to cast faint window-shaped squares on the floor. For most, it all probably would have been ideal for sleeping. But for me, it was too rigid. Too manufactured, sterile, too clean-cut. I needed mess. I needed a raw, wild, pass-out-drunk mess. Old pilled blankets, misshapen cushions, stained pillows, creaky springs in a mattress way too small for two sprites. If nothing else, I needed the stars. But you can’t see them from the windows of Niceland.

I thought of the places I wished I could be, threw up again, and began my really, really long night.

Most of the night felt like some kind of time loop, just the same awful crap for Devs know how many hours. Throwing up, washing out the bucket, sipping water, refilling water, refreshing the cold towel, burning up, shivering, throwing the blanket, bundling up in the blanket, throwing up again. Startling flashes of memory still kept me from drifting off, but it wasn’t just the fireworks anymore. There was also barking. There was that freak’s grating, screeching abuse. There was the garbled, distorted sound of metal splitting. Worst of all, the feeling of fading into sleep almost felt like fading into near-death again, kicking up that terrified, tooth-and-claw refusal to die. In those cases, I’d wake up screaming.

Freaked the hell out of Fix-it every time.

Something else happened that night. I have no idea what time it was. There was nothing left in me to throw up anymore. My teeth were chattering, but my sweat had still soaked well into the couch. I’d tossed away the warm and damp pillows in favor of resting my burning cheek against the cool cushion beneath. I was just trying desperately to creep past the obstacles between me and anything resembling rest. That’s when things got a little… let’s say “creative.”

I tried to fool myself into thinking I was somewhere more conducive to a good night’s sleep, and it worked. If I really thought about it, I could smell chips, popcorn, and Burger Time grease in the cushion under my head. I could make the upholstery feel frayed and slack. In my feverish delirium, I could even change the room around me. I could picture the walls pulled closer, and an impressive amount of junk for such a small space, all of which I knew by heart. There would be a stereo across from me, a kitchen counter down past my feet, half-full soda cans close to my head, empty six-pack rings hanging on the door handle, a jumpsuit thrown over the corner of the couch, and above me, a rack of meticulously polished trophies. As long as I kept my eyes closed, I was in your trailer. 

For those fleeting moments, everything felt normal again. It was as if nothing ever changed.

I heard your bed creak, and your footsteps shortly after. You paused close to me for a second before continuing into the kitchen. Jars rattled when you opened the fridge, a cupboard creaked as you looked for a glass that was actually clean, and I heard you pour something -- could only have been soda, in the middle of the night, you spectacular trainwreck. Then you crossed back to me, set your glass on a surface that shouldn’t have been there, and stopped moving. You just went quiet. So much that I thought you must have been plotting a way to mess with me in my sleep. I welcomed it, too. I couldn’t wait to catch you in the act and tackle you to the floor.

Then I heard, soft as a mouse, “Mavy?”

The illusion dissipated the moment Fix-it spoke. Reality struck again, landing a critical hit on that miserable withdrawal depression. It wasn’t you. It was just Fix-it, who had apparently come to get me a new glass of water. Part of me wanted to spring up and deck him, but I stayed perfectly still and silent. I didn’t want to encourage him to keep talking to me. In all honesty, I felt too heavy and lifeless to do anything at all.

“Mavy?” he said again. “Are you awake?”

Another stupid question. I just imagined that he wasn’t there, in hopes that it would come true. But, much to my regret, I heard him sit on the coffee table again. I could feel him looking at me. He was silent long enough for me to think that he had come out just to watch me sleep, like an absolute creepazoid. But just as I was bucking up the moxie to tell him to buzz off, he spoke again.

“Mavy… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, or-- or tried to pressure you, or…” 

The first of many long pauses. 

“...I never should have doubted you. You’re worth so… so much more than anyone gives you credit for, and… I’ve known that since day one. Somewhere in this mayhem, I… just... lost sight of that. I know you won’t listen to how sorry I am… but I promise you, Mavy, it won’t happen again. Families support each other… and… this little family of two is all we’ve got. And I know…”

A long pause.

“...I know that you don’t… want a family. But, darn it, Mavy, you need a family, now more than ever. It… It hurts so much watching all this happen to someone I care about. I’m trying so hard to help you, but I just…”

Another pause, exceptionally long this time. For a minute, I wondered if he had left without me noticing, but sure enough, he spoke again. This time, his voice trembled. He’d started crying.

“I… don’t know… how to be the family you need. It... seems like everything I try just… pushes you away even more. I’m not asking you to forgive me, even after all these years, I just… I wish… I wish we could just talk about it. I wish we could just start over and… be better.”

He sniffed, and fell silent again for a minute. When he spoke again, his voice was even quieter.

“You know, for all the trouble you two got into, I… I just loved seeing how happy he made you. I may not know how to be what you need, but… sure seemed like he did. No one else could make you laugh quite like him. ...I miss that laugh.”

Pause.

Then, by some miracle, I managed not to jump when he squeezed my hand. It was disgusting. He wasn’t wearing his gloves, so it was full skin-on-skin contact, and my hand was slimy with sweat, and for the Devs’ sake, Fix-it, I was asleep, as far as he knew. What kind of creep touches someone while they’re sleeping? Yeah, it was just my hand, but it’s the principle of the matter. I did not consent to that contact, and I would not have, even if he asked me. The whole idea of it pissed me off so much.

It didn’t make sense to me, then, why I didn’t pull away.

Maybe I was paralyzed with subconscious rage. Maybe I was too sick and depressed to move. Maybe I really, really didn’t want him to know I’d heard all that. Or, maybe pulling away would have conveyed a message that I didn’t want to send, one I didn’t think he fully deserved at the time.

Probably the rage.

Whatever my reason, he held my hand long enough to test me. Not even my gross, soggy palms deterred him. The binary in my hand was starting to really ache by the time he went on.

“You don’t deserve a broken heart, Mavy. I wish I could do more. I wish I could just… wave my hammer and bring him back for you. I’m so--... I’m so sorry I can’t give you that. There are some things I just… can’t fix.”

I heard him take a deep, slow breath, and it sounded like he rubbed his face with his free hand. For another few moments, I felt him watching me.

“Dream of something nice for me,” he finally muttered, and gave my hand one final squeeze before letting go. He stood, and, despite the fact that I was burning up, draped the blanket over my shoulders like some sappy cliché. Then he went the whole nine yards.

“Love you, cuz. Hope you know that.”

With that, he left me be. I waited until I heard his door creak and his duvet rustle to throw the blanket off and wipe my hand all over the couch. There was barely any mind power left in me to process what had just happened, but I suppose I ought to have thanked him for it -- it took my mind off of the things keeping me awake, and I eventually fell asleep, lost in uncomfortable thought.

I wasn’t angry, really, or even annoyed. I didn’t want to run away or chew him out. I just took bets with myself over how much longer it would be ‘til he realized he was wasting his time on me.

[nautiscarader]

Rayllum for moonlight seems natural

Smutember 14 - Moonlight, Rayllum, E

(Ao3)

If you liked my story, here’s a Ko-fi link if you’d be so kind ❤️.    

============================

One aspect of dating a Moonshadow elf Callum couldn't quite predict was Rayla's ties to the Lunar cycle. He knew her kind drew powers from the Moon, of course, and certain phases affect her abilities, but he didn't know they would spread to all of their daily activities.

They've had several rows, where a simple misunderstanding that otherwise could be brushed off, lead to Rayla sulking for a whole day, and only when Callum looked at the night's sky, he realised it was the new Moon. As soon as it began waxing again, she forgave him for something they've already forgotten about.

On another occasion, he noticed she preferred holding his left or right hand depending on whether the Moon was in the first or last quarter. And that the waning crescent made her melancholic, and would raw her to many sappy stories from the castle's library she wouldn't normally read.

And then there were their nightly activities.

Callum would never forget the sight of the full Moon shining over their heads as Rayla pinned him to the ground and undid her clothes for the first time. Her body became translucent with her lunar magic, which gave her curves an ethereal look. He could still see her, perhaps because of his magic, or maybe her will to make herself visible to him. In the end, it didn't matter to the young lovers, travelling through Xadia on half-diplomatic, half-sight-seeing journeys.

He tried rolling her to her back, to exert just a little bit of dominance, but she easily toppled him back to the ground. And when she pressed her naked, wet sex against his raging erection, Callum surrendered himself completely, and let her take control, as the two ambassadors took another step in bridging the gap between their nations.

Her skin glimmered in the moonlight, almost as if she was wearing some invisible tattoos, but Callum was still fixated at her eyes, gleaming with an indescribable, alluring spark in them that drove the Moonshgdow elf wild against him. With her hands on his chest, he was rising up and down in quick, fevered moves, as if she was trying to outspeed herself, trying to reach her elusive peak. And she reached them again, and again, but she needed more.

Callum's hips helped of course, reacting to the raw energy she was exerting on him, but in the end, she was the one dictating their tempo, and only when her warmth and wetness made Callum lose himself deep inside her, she finally felt satisfied, murmuring and moaning with each rope of seed her twitching pussy milked from Callum's cock.

She told him then that Moonshadow elves' libido is tied to the Moon as well, which explained how a date that begun with series of sensual kisses made them both lose their virginities in a span of half an hour. But Callum was still surprised when Rayla got up and crawled back to caress him with her mouth, just so she could experience him all over again. Though she knew very little how to handle her human, her tactics were more than effective, and soon she was bouncing on top of him again and again, letting the forest and moors around them absorb his name, cried with delight.

By the time the Moon disappeared behind the horizon, they've done it five or six times, and during the last one she even let Callum be on top. He came the quickest then, but she didn't mind.

Callum kept observing and noting the change of her sexual prowess during the lunar cycle. She was the least likely to be up for any form of intimacy during the new Moon, even uttering the famous line about headache a few times. During the First and Last quarter she was more eager to let Callum slide his hands into her pants, and during each, she was respectively more and less likely to get an upper hand with their positions.

Their dates became a bit more problematic when they came back to Katolis; under the watchful eyes of the guards, the two young lovers found it progressively more difficult to find places where they could let their hormones rage, especially during the full Moons.

Finally, they found a perfect spot, just ten or fifteen minutes of walk outside the castle's walls. In the tall, purple field, the two could hid and frolic, and when the Moon arrived on the sky, Callum could let the passion consume him and his radiant girlfriend as she dug her fingers into his clothes, disrobing the young adult prince in matter of seconds, as if her life depended on it.

She was wild, she was passionate, she was like an animal. And Callum gladly gave in to her Moonlight heats, but nt before trying to purposefully prolong it. Though he couldn't do it the first time, nearly a year of practising learned him how to turn the tides of their love battle and let her experience the sight of his face over the starry, moonlit sky, as he caressed her.

Though she protested with her raw, languorous voice, she enjoyed each second of Callum's kisses across her naked chest, and each dive of his finger inside her wet, warm sex only deepened her desire to mount him and let the nature takes its course. But she also knew the longer she waits, the better it would taste...

Rayla jumped when Callum's lips touched her wet folds, and she dug her fingers into his hair, ruffling it at once, in desperate fear he might go away.But he didn't, of course. He stayed between her twitching leg, licking the nectar she was producing, gently kissing and nibbling on her lips and folds, feeling her body reacting to each of his caresses. Though he wasn't as strong as he wished he could be, his grip on her thighs kept her in place, at least until she began wailing and crying his name, as she kept arching her body, as if she tried to levitate. And only when she coated his lips with even more copious amount of her juices, the prince knew she would counter at once.

Next thing he knew he was on his back, being kissed by the same lips that cried his name a moment later, and Rayla's fingers were coiled around his cock as she straddled him. Callum cried out when she engulfed him in one, easy dive, moaning as he felt him reach her core.

Her skin flickered again, turning Rayla into her mystical form, and making her eyes indistinguishable from the stars on the sky. His hands moved up and down her waist, helping her slam her body against his crotch, sinking into the delicate bedding of grass they've trampled as they rolled around.

Their eyes met again, just as Rayla's roll to the back of her head, preparing for another quick climax her heat helped her achieve. She let out a wail, sounding somewhat like Callum's name in a series of fast, powerful climaxes that would torn her and the air around. Three more times would she climax around him, before he would feel his blood boiling, and when she came again, she dragged him quickly with her, as her pussy mercilessly tightened around him, eager to feel his warmth explode inside her.

But she knew what to do to make him truly go wild, and as she concentrated on her powers, her skin became transparent once more, giving Callum the chance to not only see the silhouette of his girlfriend against the moon and starry skies, but also see his cock's head hitting deep inside her, as deep as she wanted.

And the mere thought of what would happen later pushed Callum to his edge. He let out a meek groan and slammed her hips against his one more time, throwing his head back as orgasm consumed him. But he looked back quick enough to see streams of his seed shooting up her sex and slowly filling her up, temporarily painting her abdomen white from the inside, before they started leaking down his cock and her thigh and onto his crotch. Rayla could watch that too, and the sight itself was enough to drag her another edge of hers, a weaker one, but one that made her skin crawl with goosebumps and lose balance just before she collapsed onto her lover's chest.

- Rayla... - he whispered into the ear of his lover, when she lay her head on his shoulder. - I know... - she gave him a kiss, cursing the force that made her so horny in the first place. - I love you too...

Every month she warned him about finishing inside, and every month he promised to he will restrain himself. After all, full Moon was the only time she could get pregnant. And every month they were able to make love a bit longer, and reach more powerful orgasms, and as a result they failed to exercise that caution each time. Every month the same thought raced through her head afterwards, as she basked in the blissful afterglow, since she didn't know at all if they can have children. And every month, as she nested safely in Callum's arms, she came to the conclusion that if they can, she wouldn't mind having them now.

With a deep sigh, the Moonshadow elf slumped over Callum, feeling his chest rising up and down, just like hers, in quick, rapid, uncoordinated motion, but as his arms close behind her, they calmed down and their heartbeat synchronised with each breathe they shared, filled with intoxicating smell of lavender.

Rayla cupped Callum's face and kissed him, just as clouds obscured the Moon, drowning the lovers in darkness that heralded a far away rain. Rayla wished they could lay there until the morning would arrive, but knew better that they should head back to the castle from their monthly sexcapade they so far always got away with.

So far.

- Where were you, guys?

Rayla and Callum ceased laughing at once and nearly jumped in place, as Ezran's voice startled them. They exchanged quick, nervous looks, trying to come up with an excuse.  

- Uh, a stroll. - Yeah, a stroll. Just a stroll, you know - Callum spoke in would-be casual tone. - That's how couples roll, they... stroll.

Rayla lowered her eyebrows and was about to deliver a powerful hit to his ribs, when Ezran's eyes widened.

- Are you guys crazy? A stroll? On a full moon? - his face whitened. - Uh, what's so wrong with that? - Callum scratched his head, genuinely unsure. - Haven't you guys heard the stories of the banshee? - Ezran raised his hands, as he kept explaining - She's been there last month during the full moon, and I heard her last night in the tower, and the guards said they've heard her in the basement, and...

As Ezran began counting, with frightening details, the list of places Callum and Rayla have visited over the past months, they shared quick, embarrassed looks. Maybe they should have stayed in their chambers from now on. The moon looked equally beautiful from the window there. And as they looked at Bait, he definitely agreed.  

[trishmishtree]

[Current as of March 13, 2020]

Dr. Shahed (screenshot above) is an emergency department physician in Ohio who shared this post on Facebook. It’s an account of COVID-19 from the perspective of an ICU doc working on the frontlines in Seattle. Some of my laypeople-friends were sharing it around (and I’ve seen it floating around on twitter and various internet forums], but I noticed that it’s really dense and contains a lot of medical abbreviations and jargon, like it was meant more for other physicians and isn’t really useful for the average reader. So I thought I’d provide a translation for my non-medblr followers who are looking to stay informed. (If you want further clarification, feel free to drop me an ask)

***

This is from a front-line ICU physician in a Seattle hospital

This is his personal account:

We have 21 patients and 11 deaths since 2/28.

We are seeing patients who are young (20s), fit, no comorbidities, critically ill. It does happen.

US has been past containment since January

Currently, all of ICU is for critically ill COVID patients, all of med-surg [medical-surgical] floors are for stable COVID patients and end-of-life care, half of PCU [progressive care unit], half of ER. New Pulmonary Clinic offshoot is open for patients with respiratory symptoms

CDC is no longer imposing home quarantine on providers who were wearing only droplet-isolation PPE when intubating, suctioning, bronching, and in one case doing bloody neurosurgery. Expect when it comes to your place you may initially have staff home-quarantined. Plan for this NOW. Consider wearing airborne-isolation PPE for aerosol-generating procedures in ANY patient in whom you suspect COVID, just to prevent the mass quarantines.

We ran out of N95s (thanks, Costco hoarders) and are bleaching and re-using PAPRs [powered air purifying respirators], which is not the manufacturer’s recommendation. Not surprised on N95s as we use mostly CAPRs [controlled air purifying respirators] anyway, but still.

Terminal cleans (including UV light) for ER COVID rooms are taking forever, Environmental Services is overwhelmed. This is bad, as patients are stuck coughing in the waiting room. Recommend planning now for Environmental Service upstaffing, or having a plan for sick patients to wait in their cars (that is not legal here, sadly).

CLINICAL INFO (based on our cases and info from CDC conference call today with other COVID providers in US):

The Chinese data on 80% mildly ill, 14% hospital-ill, 6-8% critically ill are generally on the mark. Data [in the US] very skewed by late and very limited testing, and the number of our elderly patients going to comfort care. 

Being young & healthy (zero medical problems) does not rule out becoming vented or dead 

Probably the time course to developing significant lower respiratory symptoms is about a week or longer (which also fits with timing of sick cases we started seeing here, after we all assumed it was endemic as of late Jan/early Feb). 

Based on our hospitalized cases (including the not-formally-diagnosed ones who are obviously COVID – it is quite clinically unique), about 1/3 of patients have mild lower respiratory symptoms and need 1-5L NC [1-5 liters of oxygen per minute, via nasal cannula]. 1/3 are sicker, need face mask or non-rebreather. 1/3 are intubated with ARDS [acute respiratory distress syndrome]. 

Thus far, everyone is seeing: 

normal WBC [white blood cell] count. Almost always lymphopenic, occasionally poly [neutrophil]-predominant but with normal total WBC count. Doesn’t change, even 10 days in. 

Bronchoalveolar lavage: lymphocytic despite blood being lymphopenic. (Try not to bronch these patients; this data is from pre-testing time when we had several idiopathic ARDS cases) 

Fevers, often high, may be intermittent; persistently febrile, often for >10 days. It isn’t the dexmed, it’s the SARS2. 

Low procalcitonin; may be useful to check initially for later trending if you are concerned later for VAP [ventilator-associated pneumonia], etc.

Elevated AST/ALT, sometimes alkaline phosphatase. Usually in 70-100 range. No fulminant hepatitis. Notably, in our small sample, higher transaminitis [elevated AST/ALT] (150-200) on admission correlates with clinical deterioration and progression to ARDS. LFTs [liver function tests] typically begin to bump in 2nd week of clinical course. 

Mild AKI [acute kidney injury] (creatinine <2). Uncertain if direct viral effect, but notably SARS2 RNA fragments have been identified in liver, kidneys, heart, and blood.</li>

Characteristic chest x-ray: always bilateral patchy or reticular infiltrates, sometimes peri-hilar despite normal ejection fraction and volume down at presentation. At time of presentation may be subtle, but always present, even in our patients on chronic high dose steroids. NO effusions.

CT is as expected, rarely mild mediastinal lymphadenopathy, occasional small effusions late in course, which might be related to volume status/cap leak.

Note - China is CT'ing everyone, even outpatients, as a primarily diagnostic modality. However, in US/Europe, CT is rare, since findings are nonspecific, would not change management, and the ENTIRE scanner and room have to be terminal-cleaned, which is just impossible in a busy hospital. Also, transport in PAPRs, etc. 

2 of our patients had CTs for idiopathic ARDS in the pre-test era; they looked like the CTs in the journal articles. Not more helpful than chest x-ray. 

When respiratory failure occurs, it is RAPID (likely 7-10 days out from symptom onset, but rapid progression from hospital admission). Common scenario for our patients is: admit on 1L/min oxygen via nasal cannula. Next 12 hrs escalate to NPPV [non-invasive positive pressure ventilation]. Next 12-24 hrs → vent/proned/Flolan. 

Interestingly, despite some needing Flolan, the hypoxia is not as refractory as with H1N1. Quite different, and quite unique. Odd enough that you’d notice and say hmmm. 

Thus far many are dying of cardiac arrest rather than inability to ventilate/oxygenate. 

Given the inevitable rapid progression to ETT [endotracheal tube, aka intubation] once respiratory decompensation begins, we and other hospitals, including Wuhan, are doing early intubation. Face mask is fine, but if patients are needing HFNC [high-flow nasal cannula] or NPPV [non-invasive positive pressure ventilation], just tube them. They definitely will need a tube anyway, and no point risking the aerosols.

No MOSF [multi-organ system failure]. There’s the mild AST/ALT elevation, maybe a small creatinine bump, but no florid failure. Exception is cardiomyopathy.

Multiple patients here have had normal EF [ejection fraction] on formal Echo or POCUS [point-of-care ultrasound] at time of admission (or in a couple of cases, EF 40ish, chronically). Also normal troponins from emergency department. Then they get the horrible respiratory failure, sans sepsis or shock. Then they turn the corner, come off Flolan, supined, vent weaning, looking good, never any pressor requirement. Then over 12 hrs, newly cold, clamped, multiple-pressor shock that looks cardiogenic, EF 10% or less. Then either VT [ventricular tachycardia, aka V-tach] → VF [ventricular fibrillation, aka V-fib] → dead, or PEA [pulseless electrical activity] → asystole in less than a day. Needless to say, this is awful for families who had started to have hope. 

We have actually had more asystole than VT. Other facilities report more VT/VF, but same time course, a few days or a week after admission, around the time they’re turning the corner. This occurs on med-surg patients too. One today, who is elderly and chronically ill but with baseline EF preserved, became newly hypotensive overnight, EF <10. Already no escalation, has since passed. So presumably there is a viral cardiomyopathy aspect, which presents later in the course of disease.

Of note, no wall motion abnormalities on Echo, right ventricular function preserved, troponins don’t bump. Could be unrelated, but I’ve never seen anything like it before, especially in a patient who had been hemodynamically stable without sepsis.

TREATMENT:

Remdesivir might work, some hospitals have seen improvement with it quite rapidly, marked improvement in 1-3 days. ARDS trajectory is impressive with it, patients improve much more rapidly than expected in usual ARDS.

Recommended course is 10 days, but due to scarcity, all hospitals have stopped it when the patient is clinically out of the woods. None have continued >5 days. It might cause LFT bump, but interestingly seem to bump (200s-ish) for a day or 2 after starting, then rapidly back to normal, suggests this is not a primary toxic hepatitis.

Unfortunately, the Gilead compassionate use and trial programs require AST/ALT <5x normal, which is pretty much almost no actual COVID patients. Also CrCl [creatinine clearance] >30, which is fine. CDC is working with Gilead to get LFT requirements changed now that we know this is a mild viral hepatitis.

Currently the Gilead trial is wrapping up, NIH trial still enrolling, some new trial soon to begin, can’t remember where.

Steroids are up in the air. In China, usual clinical practice for all ARDS is high dose methylprednisolone. Thus, ALL of their patients have had high dose methylprednisolone. Some question whether this practice increases mortality.

It is likely that it increases secondary VAP/HAP [ventilator-associated pneumonia/hospital-acquired pneumonia]. China has had a high rate of drug-resistant GNR [Gram-negative rod] HAP/VAP and fungal pneumonia in these patients, with resulting increases in mortality. We have seen none, even in the earlier patients who were vented for >10 days before being bronch’ed (prior to test availability. Again, it is not a great idea to bronch these patients now).

Unclear whether VAP-prevention strategies are also different [in China vs US], but wouldn’t think so?

Hong Kong is currently running an uncontrolled trial of HC 100IV Q8 [hydrocortisone 100 mg IV every 8 hours].

General consensus here (in US among doctors who have cared for COVID patients) is that steroids will do more harm than good, unless needed for other indications.

Many of our patients have COPD on ICS [inhaled corticosteroids]. Current consensus at Evergreen, after some observation & some clinical judgment, is to stop ICS if able, based on known data with other viral pneumonias and increased susceptibility to HAP. Thus far patients are tolerating that, no major issues with ventilating them that can’t be managed with vent changes. We also have quite a few on AE-COPD [acute exacerbation of COPD]/asthma doses of methylprednisolone, so will be interesting to see how they do.

[k-popscenxrios]

Didn’t Ask For This Pt 12 (Roomate!JK x OC)

A/N: Sorry for the longer period between updates! I had to rewrite a good portion of the next few chapters since I felt it was taking a stupid turn. I’ve fixed it to make it better, so don’t worry! It’ll be worth your time, I promise. Enjoy~

Summary: “I didn’t know you hated me so much,” he spoke as he grabbed my wrist and once again turned me around to face him, “and quite honestly, I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough for you to hate me to the degree that you do.” “You say that like the hate isn’t mutual,” I remarked as he shook his head. There was a bitter smile on his face as he took a deep breath, “I think you are quite honestly one of the worst human beings I’ve had to come in contact with.”

4.5k words | drama ✞ | fluff ♡

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Finale

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

I felt like I was dying when I opened my eyes, rolling around in bed. I was completely and utterly miserable, and I could feel the heat radiating off of my body. I laid in bed, the chills rushing through my body every time I so much as felt any air against my skin that was supposed to be protected by my comforter.

I laid in bed, feeling miserable for about an hour before I finally willed myself to get up. I slipped a sweatshirt and sweatpants on to keep me from freezing as I pushed my bedroom door open.

I hurried into the bathroom to get ready before either of the guys saw me. I was in and out as fast as possible, and to my dismay, Taehyung was waiting outside the door to talk to me.

“Jesus, Tae,” I spoke, his appearance scaring me breathless. Then again, even the simple act of brushing my teeth made me breathless.

“Hey,” he spoke, his eyebrows furrowed in worry, “Why on earth are you wearing sweats? It’s like 74 degrees in this apartment.”

I felt my hands start shaking, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the fact that Taehyung scared me or not, “I don’t know. My room is fairly cold I guess.”

Taehyung wasn’t convinced as his eyes started to narrow. He pushed his body off of the wall and pressed his hand to my forehead. I silently cursed as Taehyung’s eyes widened, his hand pulling away after realizing just how hot my forehead was.

“God, I don’t know whether to be mad at you or worried about you,” Taehyung mumbled as he rushed to the kitchen to grab the materials that he needed, “I need you to get out of those sweats and into your tank top and shorts. Now.”

I obeyed him as I noticed Taehyung’s scolding has caught Jungkook’s attention. He walked out of his room and looked in between the two of us with confusion.

“What’s going on?” he asked, concern evident as I noticed Taehyung grow tense. I caught sight of his gaze as my eyes widened. I hurried to close my door so that I could change, leaving Jungkook to fend for himself. I felt myself sigh with relief, more than relieved that I remembered to cover the hickeys this morning.

“Okay, I don’t feel like I should question a sick girl, but I won’t feel guilty for scolding you,” I heard Taehyung say as I rushed to change. I stumbled all around, losing my balance several times, landing on the bed behind me to cushion my falls.

I felt my body become uncomfortably cold as I grabbed one of my blankets off my bed.

“Why the hell does my sister have a fever the day after you had one?” Taehyung snapped as I felt paranoia grow within me.

“It’s probably that she got too close to me when taking care of me, man. I don’t know,” Jungkook played if off well as I wrapped the blanket tighter around me. Should I go out there? I probably should, otherwise he might sense something was up…

I opened the door and spotted Taehyung’s glare very quickly. His gaze softened as he looked over at me, seeing me and my pathetic stature.

“Taehyung, don’t yell at Jungkook,” I spoke with a weak voice that I noticed didn’t just make Taehyung melt, but Jungkook as well. The two of them gave me the same look of worry as Jungkook started to guide me into the living room.

“You need to lay down. Taehyung’s getting you some medicine,” Jungkook spoke softly. I couldn’t help but sense Taehyung’s confusion at Jungkook’s actions, but he didn’t voice anything. I just nodded pitifully as I slowly lowered myself to the couch, wincing at my body’s aching.

Jungkook knelt down next to me as Taehyung entered the living room with the medicine I needed to take. He walked up to the two of us and handed me the cup that he had poured the medicine into.

“What flavor is this?” I asked as Taehyung shrugged and shook his head.

“Does it matter? You’re the one that bought it in the first place. Shouldn’t you know?” he asked as I frowned, glancing down at the cup.

“I can’t remember…”

Taehyung swallowed and looked at Jungkook who was still down beside be with concern burned into his features. He was not doing a good job hiding his sudden affection for me.

“Alright, Kook. I’ll take care of her from here,” Taehyung spoke as Jungkook looked up at him. I could sense hesitation in him, but something seemed to click as he was about to get up.

“Doesn’t it make more sense for me to take care of her?” Jungkook asked as Taehyung’s expression morphed into complete shock, “I mean, I was the one that got her sick. And I wouldn’t want for her to get you sick.”

“Yeah, Jungkook has a point,” I nodded, feeling butterflies in my stomach at the prospect of Jungkook taking care of me for the rest of the day. Or, at least until he has to go in to work. Speaking of work, I need to call out sick for my shift.

Taehyung looked really reluctant to nod and give in to the two of us. I didn’t blame him for his paranoia, but I was relieved that he didn’t fight us too hard.

“So you actually want to take care of her?” Taehyung asked Jungkook as he took a couple steps backwards. Jungkook looked back down at me, the smallest smile showing in his features. He looked back up at Taehyung, smile turning into a serious gaze.

“It’s the least I could do. I caused this, after all,” his voice made it sound like he was only doing this out of obligation, but the look in his eyes told me another story.

“Alright. I give in,” Taehyung lifted his hands into the air before he turned on his heels, walking away from us down the hallway. “Don’t kill each other.”

That was the furthest of my concern at the moment.

…

“Jungkook,” I called from the living room as I heard Jungkook shuffling in the kitchen. He’d been gone for a good forty minutes just in the shower, and I was getting really shaky. I thought about bothering Taehyung, but I couldn’t get over how much I loved seeing Jungkook go soft for me.

“Hm?” He responded as he peaked his head into the living room to lock his eyes on mine.

My first instinct was to say something sappy to him, but I closed my mouth before I did. It wasn’t that I cared about Taehyung hearing me, but I just didn’t want to seem as pitiful as I felt.

“You were gone for nearly an hour,” I simply observed as he raised an eyebrow. His expression softened the longer he looked at me, but when I heard footsteps coming down the hall, his expression shifted.

“I’m not your butler,” Jungkook sassed as he spun around and walked back into the kitchen, “Only call me if you need me. If you get lonely, I’m sure Taehyung would love to give you company.”

I pursed my lips at his comments, but I didn’t take them personally. As Taehyung walked into the kitchen, I just pouted his way.

“How are you feeling?” He asked as I shifted my position from laying down to sitting up.

“Like I’m sitting in the middle of a snowstorm taking place on the sun’s surface,” I responded as he let out a soft chuckle.

“Do you want to watch a few episodes of our show?” Taehyung asks as he plopped down on the loveseat.

I smiled at him before my eyes glanced over at Jungkook’s figure. He walked back in from the kitchen with a sandwich in hand as I suddenly had a slightly devious idea pop into my head.

“You didn’t make me a sandwich?” I let out the softest, most pathetic pout I could manage as Taehyung glanced back at Jungkook. He froze mid-chew as he looked at me, studying me carefully.

“You didn’t mention that you wanted one.” he defended with a neutral tone. He finished chewing and swallowed the bite he had taken as I leaned my head back.

“You didn’t offer to make me one,” I countered as Taehyung looked away from the TV and drew his attention to the two of us.

“As I mentioned before, I’m not your butler,” he rolled his eyes as I huffed.

“I can make you one,” Taehyung interfered as I glanced his way. I was about to just nod, because quite honestly, I don’t care who makes me a sandwich as long as I have food in my stomach.

“No, I’ll get it.”

Both Taehyung and I looked Jungkook’s way in surprise as he dipped out of the room, entering the kitchen with his sandwich abandoned on the dining table.

…

Taehyung and I had just gotten through with a few episodes of our favorite show when his phone started blowing up in his pocket. His eyebrows raised when he looked at the name on the screen.

“Hello? Hana?”

I felt my interest peak as I sat up, pulling my blanket around me to ensure that I would stay warm.

“Right now? I mean I… I might have time. My sister’s sick and I hate to leave her here. I already have to leave for work later tonight.”

I frowned and snapped at Taehyung, grabbing his attention, “Tae, I’ll be okay without you. If Hana wants you to do something with her, please go.”

His eyebrows knit in worry as I just continued to nod in reassurance.

“I’ll force Jungkook to take care of me until he leaves. I don’t want to ruin a potential date for you two.”

Taehyung sighed and stared at me blankly for several seconds before looking up at the clock above our TV.

“...Alright. I can go,” he spoke into his phone as I smiled. I felt my smile grow as Taehyung’s face softened while listening to Hana. The softest little smile appeared as he stayed silent while she rambled on.

“Okay. I’ll meet you there in twenty minutes.”

The call soon ended as Taehyung looked over at me with an almost sorry gaze.

“I hate to leave…”

“No,” I cut him off before he could say much else, “I told you it was okay. Don’t you try and apologize to me.”

Taehyung just let out a soft laugh as he stood up and walked over to me. My face twisted in annoyance as he ruffled the hair on my head. I let out a few whines as he did so, reaching up to fix the mess that he had just made.

“Thanks, Ari. You’re the best.”

...

The day was flying by up until it was time for Jungkook to leave for work. My fever was almost completely gone, and I could actually move around without feeling every bone in my body aching.

“Call me if you start to feel bad again,” Jungkook spoke as I just nodded obediently.

“I’ll be fine, Jungkook,” I reassured as he knelt down beside me with a slightly worried look. I was about to open my mouth to reassure him once again, but he spoke before I did.

“If you hear from Hoseok, try to let him down easy,” Jungkook swallowed as I felt my face morph into surprise. Hoseok hadn’t come up all day, yet he still ended up on Jungkook’s mind?

“I’m going to need more time than that, Jungkook,” I spoke calmly, thinking back to the sweet man that had taken me on a fantastic date yesterday, “I would feel so horrible if I let him down right after how much fun we both had yesterday.”

Jungkook couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth. His reaction was all that I needed to see to know that we were about to argue again. Well, the peace was fun while it lasted.

“You wanna know what you actually did after going on such a “great” date with him? You slept with me. We’re, you know, dating each other now. You’re my girlfriend, and that means you can’t go on anymore dates with Hoseok,” Jungkook rambled in anger. I tried to keep calm as I felt myself shaking yet again. To say that I was stressed was an understatement.

“I’m not saying that I’m going to go on another date with him! If he asks to go on another date with me, I’ll just use that “date” as a way to let him down easy. After all, I already feel like a scumbag for reassuring him that there’s nothing going on between me and you, only to turn around and reject him because we’re together.”

“I don’t see why his feelings should matter,” Jungkook glared, his voice slightly raising, “You’re never going to talk to him after you tell him that you’re dating me.”

“How do you know that?” I sat up, fumbling slightly because of how weak some of my muscles felt, “What if I want to stay friends after this? He seems like a really cool guy-”

“Hell no,” Jungkook laughed and shook his head, “You can’t stay friends with a guy who’s obviously into you!”

I narrowed my eyes at his words, feeling my emotions trying to get the best of me. I tried to keep my voice calm, but he was making it incredibly hard… “Jungkook… you knew this whole time that he actually was interested in me? You said so many things about how he’d never be into me, yet you knew that he already was!”

“Why does that come as a surprise to you?” he snapped, his glare slightly faltering when he realized how hurt I really seemed, “I didn’t want you to try and pursue a relationship because I know Hoseok really liked you. I also knew that Yoongi didn’t have an interest in you this whole time.”

I felt my blood boiling both from the fever and from just how infuriated I was. He was trying to sabotage my love life…

Tears that I didn’t even realize were building up began to fall as I started to wave Jungkook away from me. I didn’t want to see him anymore. I needed time to calm down over all of this.

And I sure as hell am going on another date with Hoseok after learning all of this information.

“Go away, Jungkook,” I spoke, his harsh exterior crumbling as my voice shook. He started to move closer to me, but I used all the strength in me to push him away, “Don’t touch me. I need you to leave me alone.”

Jungkook swallowed and watched me with worried eyes. I wrapped my arms around my legs in a fetal position as I used my knees to wipe my tears away. I heard Jungkook reluctantly shuffle away from me, and I felt a stab to my heart when the apartment door closed without him saying another word.

I hated how much this situation was getting to me. It shouldn’t matter than Jungkook was sabotaging my potential relationship with Hoseok because we both ended up confessing to each other… but if he’s willing to do something like that, it makes me worry about what else he might try to manipulate...

::

My night was agonizing to say the least. There wasn’t a moment that went by where I wasn’t thinking about Jungkook and our argument. I was so upset with him, but I hated how horrible I felt over it all. I just wanted to pull out my phone and call Jungkook to try and work it all out.

My fever was fighting me back as I could feel my body growing really weak once again. I cursed as I tried to move around the apartment to take some more medicine, struggling with the child proof lid. I hate these stupid lids!

I mumbled a few swears before I finally got the bottle open to take the stupid medication. I swallowed the substance as fast as I could manage, struggling to put the bottle back away.

I finally finished struggling when I realized my phone was buzzing from the living room. I shuffled into the living room to look at my phone, surprised to see that Hoseok’s name was on my screen.

I reluctantly answered the call, putting my phone on speaker as I slowly settled back in to the couch.

“Hello?” I asked as I heard various noises from his end.

“Ari! Sorry if this seems weird, but Taehyung told me that you were sick and home alone. I just wanted to check and make sure that you’re okay.” he sounded nervous as I felt my guilt eating me alive. How could I turn down this guy? This was going to suck…

“I’m completely fine!” I tried to sound genuine and I was pretty convincing. I could hear him sigh on his end as I swallowed, trying to push away all the thoughts of Jungkook and I’s conversation out of my head. “Hey, Hoseok. I was wondering if you would like to come over soon. I just really need to talk to you about something.”

“Oh,” Hoseok sounded surprised, but it wasn’t a bad surprised, “Of course. When were you thinking? ‘Cause I could even stop by tonight, tomorrow, or later this week if you were thinking further down.”

I felt my heart squeeze as I grabbed my phone and started pulling up a picture of my schedule, “Well it really needs to be a time when neither Taehyung or Jungkook are home…”

I felt the words coming out of my mouth like word vomit as I felt my body freeze. I could only hope that Hoseok didn’t think anything of my words, but I could only assume that he’d hit his limit with my slip ups.

“I don’t mean to pry…” It sounded like Hoseok had moved into a different room because all the noise that I heard before was now missing, “But Jungkook seems to be over there a whole lot… Taehyung almost makes it sound like he lives there.”

I just tried to laugh it off, which quickly turned into nervous laughter, “He’s just over here all the time. He and Taehyung are college roommates, you know.”

“I know… It just seems like he literally lives there. I just think it’s kinda strange that you and Taehyung would lie to me about something like that.” Hoseok sounded calm, but I felt frantic. Do I continue to lie or do I give in?

I didn’t think too hard before I swallowed and continued denying everything. I am horrible, really.

“No, he doesn’t live here. He does stay the night sometimes, though,” I felt my guilt weighing down on me as Hoseok just laughed off the words.

“Alright. You don’t have any reason to lie about something like this, so I’ll let it go. Back to when you want me to come over to talk, though.”

Shoot, I almost forgot that I said that, I shook my head as I tried to get back on track.

“Do you get off before Taehyung tonight?” I asked as Hoseok sighed.

“Afraid not. What about tomorrow?”

I looked at Jungkook’s schedule for tomorrow. Off.

“That won’t work,” I shook my head as if he could see me. I looked at Jungkook’s schedule for Wednesday, “Does Taehyung work the morning shift on Wednesday?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok responded, “But so do I. Would this work out better if we met somewhere in public?”

I looked up in thought for a couple seconds before an idea popped into my head, “You could come talk to me at work tomorrow! ...That is, if I’m better tomorrow. I work the night shift.”

Hoseok seemed pleased with that proposal, “I work a mid, so I guess I could drop by on my way home. Sound good to you?”

“Sounds awesome,” I smiled as I sat up, “I’ll be in contact with you about tomorrow. If I don’t go in tomorrow, maybe I can convince Jungkook to cover for me to ensure that he won’t be here.”

The air was silent for several seconds before my mind clicked. Good God am I horrible at this! I just keep thinking out loud.

“He comes over even when Taehyung’s not there?” I could sense the tension in his voice in that statement as I felt panic fill my shaky being. “Ari, seriously.”

“Okay,” I sighed and closed my eyes, “Okay, I’m sorry. Jungkook lives here. Taehyung didn’t want me to tell you, but that was the only reason I was lying about it. I’m sorry.”

Even in my honesty I was still lying.

“I’m not mad,” Hoseok spoke, but his voice was not nearly as bright as before. He sounded a whole lot more tense than I’d ever heard him. “I’m glad you told me. I wonder why Taehyung didn’t want me to know?” “No idea,” I answered fairly quickly as I ran a finger through my hair, grabbing at the roots in frustration. This phone call was a disaster.

“I guess I should let you go,” I could tell that he could hear my stressed out tone, but he didn’t voice his observation, “I’m going to try and sleep this fever away.”

“Alright,” Hoseok’s voice was back to being soft as he let out a soft laugh, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah,” I let a small smile appear on my face as I took a deep breath, “Bye, Hoseok.”

“Bye, Ari.”

…

I woke up to the sound of the front door opening as I slowly opened my eyes and spotted a blurry figure walking into the apartment. I assumed it was Taehyung since he was supposed to come home before Jungkook.

I closed my eyes again to try and fall back asleep, but I jumped when I felt a pair of lips against my forehead. I was about to smack Taehyung away from me for it, but I jumped awake when I felt a familiar hand holding mine.

“Hey, babe,” Jungkook’s figure was blurry to my eyes as I looked at him with confusion. He titled his head to the side as I felt my hand grab on to his. I missed him… “I got to come home early. I asked them to send me home if it was slow so that I could be with you. I know I left with us both in bad moods, but I can’t stay mad at you…”

I didn’t say anything as I let my eyes close again. I was just content with his presence next to me as I rested. I felt his hand nearly pull out of mine, but as I opened my eyes to watch what he was doing, I realized he was just moving to sit down in front of the couch.

“What turned you into such a mushy boyfriend?” I asked with tired eyes as Jungkook just smiled and let out a small laugh.

“I might be an ass, but I take my relationships seriously.”

I felt a shiver run through my body at his words. The more that we talk about how we’re in a relationship, the harder it is to believe. I actually fell in love with Jeon Jungkook, and he’s not all that bad…

“I’m sorry for all that I said to you about Jennie,” I spoke, the words seemingly coming out of left field. The thought had been lingering in the back of my mind since our fight, and I wasn’t intending to voice it. The words just slipped out as I felt myself slip in and out of consciousness, “It’s her loss and my gain for breaking up with you.”

Jungkook softly chuckled and laid his face dangerously close to mine. I felt his breath on my lips, but he didn’t press a kiss to my lips. I would have been mad if he did since I still wasn’t completely over my fever.

“I’m sorry about everything with Yoongi and Hoseok. At the time I thought that I was doing it because I couldn’t stand you… but after I saw you hugging Yoongi’s arm the other night on our way out to our cars… I realized that I wanted you to be leaning against me.”

I smiled and pulled his hand up to my mouth for me to give a soft kiss, “I like this Jungkook. I really like how honest and open you are with me. Even if you can be a tad harsh with your honesty.”

Jungkook didn’t say anything to that as I swallowed and opened my eyes to look at him. I nearly jumped when I saw how close his face was to mine, but the surprise quickly turned into a smile. He had closed his eyes…

“You can’t sleep here,” I spoke softly, shaking him so that he opened his eyes, “I would love for you to stay right here with me, but Taehyung will most certainly walk in on the two of us. He comes home any minute now, right?”

Jungkook groaned as his face twisted in annoyance, “Why does Taehyung have to be so defensive over you? I don’t like being restricted from touching you. And it’s not like I can tease you like before.”

“Sorry?” I asked quickly after he paused, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook stood up and plopped down on the love seat that was catty cornered from me. I was afraid that he was going to just ignore what I had said to him, but he wasn’t going to leave me wondering.

“Before I realized that I liked you, I knew I really liked teasing you. Seeing you confused and flustered under me was so… satisfying.”

“But why can’t you tease me like before?” I asked as Jungkook just laughed through his nose.

“Because I was using it as an excuse to be close to you. I don’t need an excuse now.”

I felt my face burn at his words, but I didn’t push the conversation much further. I was embarrassed enough with what he had already said.

“Jerk,” I commented as he just chuckled, glancing back at me from the couch he was on. I closed my eyes yet again, feeling my exhaustion hitting me. “Oh, Kookie?” I had no idea where the nickname came from, probably my half-conscious brain trying to keep me awake, but neither of us commented it.

“Hm?” “If I’m not feeling good again tomorrow, would you mind taking my shift?”

It was silent for a couple seconds as I felt worry fill my mind. I shouldn’t have assumed that he would be willing to take my hours.

“You don’t want me here taking care of you?” he actually sounded hurt as I opened my eyes, meeting his sad ones almost immediately.

“I don’t mean it like that,” I reached out toward him, but quickly dropped my hand as I realized how heavy my arm felt right now. “If no one else will take it, could you?”

“Of course,” Jungkook nodded and looked away from me, “But only if no one else can.”

I couldn’t help but smile as his words, nodding to myself, “Okay, Kook.”

::

A/N: Is it bad that my own portrayal of Jungkook has me so soft? x3

⇨ Masterlist ⇦

[purplesurveys]

798

What was the last food you put syrup on? My dad’s homemade pancakes. I wasn’t sure if his measurements were right because the pancakes had come out all dense, so I drowned it in syrup to distract myself from how hard it was to chew.

When was the last time you got sick? I was sick for seven fucking days. Last Tuesday until yesterday. Figured it was just a pesky fever that would disappear and come back, but I started to get worried by the fourth day so we went to the doctor and had some tests done and found out I had a UTI instead. I was prescribed some meds, but I didn’t feel any better so I asked Angela’s mom, who’s a doctor. Got told that the meds I was told to take aren’t the best for UTI so she had to write me a completely new prescription and these current ones I’m taking work wonders. I’m definitely gonna give her a giant hug when I see her because she saved me from feeling like a corpse for any longer.

Did your car get cleaner or dirtier the last time it rained? I don’t know. It’s been under a shed since March.

Did you get a flu shot this year? No. I haven’t had an injection since I was maybe 14 or 15 and I really don’t want to be getting another one any time soon lol.

Does your current layout have any yellow in it? On my tumblr? No, it’s all black and white in here.

Can you see more than one computer from where you are right now? Yes, I can see my sister’s laptop in the living room.

Who was the last person you cooked food for? When I last *helped* out my dad with cooking, it was dinner for the family.

Is there any special occasion you’re celebrating today? It’s the first day in seven days that I’m not sick. I’m pretty sure that ever since I was born, that was the first time I’ve been sick for longer than a night. I’m just relieved that I’m well enough to take a survey now.

Do you know the difference between jam and jelly? The way we Filipinos understand and use these words, jam refers to fruit-flavored spreads and jelly is any gelatin-based snack.

Ever had paranormal experiences with a OUIJA board? I’ve never even seen one in real life but I’d be stoked if I did.

Do you eat organic foods? Not always.

Did anyone close to you pass away this past year? I’ve had two family members pass away in the span of two months so they’re close in that sense, but I wasn’t like, emotionally close with either of them.

Have you ever been locked in the trunk of a car? I have not.

Last restaurant you ate at? The real answer would be Yabu, but because I’m tired of saying the same thing just because I’ve been home since March, I did have some spicy salmon pasta from Blake’s just now. Angela had them delivered to my place a few hours ago because no one in her family was gonna eat it.

Does your refrigerator have one or two doors? Two. Fridge on the right, freezer on the left.

Have you ever been out of your own country? I have.

Are you allergic to any animals? Nope.

What was the reason behind your last stay at a hotel/motel/inn? The last reason I was at a hotel in general was to drink at their bar with Gabie. It was the middle of a hectic school week and we just wanted to be irresponsible for a night. But the last reason I stayed at a hotel, room and everything, was for a short vacation my parents booked. 

Who were you with the last time you were pulled over? I don’t remember who those were anymore but they were orgmates and we were going to Zobel to facilitate a journalism workshop. I think two of them were Jo and Aya.

Do you have any friends you like to visit whenever they’re at work? None of my friends work yet.

Do you have a bathrobe? I do not. I dunno if I want one, I find them too heavy lol.

What was the reason behind the last time you went to a theme park? We were on a vacation.

Who was your most memorable relationship with? I’ve only been with one person and there are zero regrets with the relationship. No matter what happens in the future it’ll always be memorable for all the right reasons.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Did s/he ever find out? I have not.

Do you get bored easy or can you find ways to amuse yourself? As long as I have my phone or Kimi with me, I’m never bored.

Have you ever been on a road trip without family? Yeah but I was the driver for all those times so I alwas ended up being the most tired at the end of the day.

Does your computer have Windows 7? No.

Are you into politics at all? Yes. I don’t like talking about it here as surveys are meant to be my escape from...well, it. But otherwise I’m very vocal on my other social media.

Have you ever been submitted to the hospital due to a car-related accident? Nopes.

[alltoowellhairflip]

Story time! Fleeing Spain to the UK, then UK to home, and so much in between.

Seeing Taylor help all of these people has been a light in my life, as well as her music always being there to make things better. Oh..... and the leaked phone call didn’t hurt either 😂

Some days I think I’ve processed and I have it together, and some days I can’t stop crying. My heart is with everyone going through the same thing ♥️

This story is a little crazy, bare with me!

I bought tickets to Barcelona in May of last year with my two best friends and my mom for a 14 day trip. We landed in Barcelona in time for dinner on Monday, March 9, and started our trip. We explored all day March 10, and took a paella cooking class and had our fare share of sangria. After the class we spent the rest of the day on the beach, soaking up the sun and collecting sea glass. It was one of the best days of my life.

That night we ended up going to bed late, and around 1:30am we decided we should try to go to sleep. At that same time, my mom got a text from her friend asking if we were still in Spain and if we were going to be able to get out. We had no clue what she was talking about, but then I started getting texts from my friends and I got a call from my dad saying the president decided to impose a travel ban on Europe effective Friday at midnight. We couldn’t get much access to any information since we were in Europe. We were in a panic and we had no idea what to do. We finally got a copy of the presidential address and feared we wouldn’t be able to return from Spain for a month. At 4am, we scrambled to buy tickets to London as a loophole to get back into the US. We spent the rest of the night calling to cancel all of the arrangements we had planned through Airbnb and the bus company for the rest of the trip.

We got to the airport the next day and waited to board to go to the UK. Once in London, we checked into our hotel to see what our next game plan would be. We figured we were safe, and were trying to look at the bright side and move our trip plans to the UK and still be able to stay and enjoy our time abroad. Over the next couple hours, we realized that would not be the case as things escalated by the minute. We all decided the smartest thing to do was to get back to the US before we might get stuck again. All of us had to buy tickets less than 24 hours before our flights left, which really put a dent in our bank accounts. We each set out to leave London and fly home to our different airports, mine being San Francisco.

After being up for 26 hours, I finally landed at SFO. As we waited to get off the plane (me, still sitting, because I am not the type to stand when a plane lands 😂) our pilot informed us the UK and Ireland travel ban had been announced as we were in the air. He told us to get comfortable, because we had to get screened by the CDC and we could only get off the plane ten passengers at a time. After two hours, I got screened, and was told I have to go into a self-quarantine since I was in Spain (they shut Spain down two days after we got out). I agreed and headed to border patrol.

I got on the shuttle to head back to where I parked my car at the Hyatt less than a week prior. I walked off the elevator and my car was the first one. I felt so relieved given the enormous amount of stress the last three days had caused, and my car wouldn’t unlock. The battery was dead. I almost broke right then and there.

The hotel said they couldn’t help, and that I needed to call insurance. By this point, it was 11pm, I was jet lagged, and I had lost ALL hope. Two kind people in the parking garage offered to help, but after 30 minutes of my car still not starting, I told them it was okay and I would contact roadside assistance.

I scheduled help, climbed in my car, and fell asleep crying. Roadside eventually showed up and helped, but told me my battery was dead and that I couldn’t stop until I got to where I was going. It was around midnight at this point, so I headed out to Sacramento (I live in Lake Tahoe) because the first snowstorm of the year had begun and the highway was closed passed Sacramento.

After two hours of driving in a rainstorm, I made it to Sacramento and fell right to sleep. What I intended to be a one night stay ended up being a three night stay, further draining my bank account, because the snow wouldn’t let up and kept I 80 completely closed. It snowed 5 feet in one day. I was hurting, but I still knew I could make it up by working from home until after my quarantine was over.

On the day the highway opened again, my work sent an email that there would be a call at 11am that all of us should attend. I’ll skip to the end of that..... they told us as of midnight, we no longer have jobs. I work in marketing at a resort. Right after that, my second job also told us they were closing. So I lost my entire income in one day. After draining all of my resources just trying to get home safely. I have no idea when things will be okay again.

All of this time, I’ve been feeling under the weather and have had an on and off fever and a cough. It finally got bad enough for me to call and I was concerned because I was in Barcelona. Today, I was triaged by my local hospital and presumed positive for COVID. I have had to rely on everyone around me to put food on my plate. It’s a humbling, scary, intense place to be. I can’t pay any of my bills and I have one paycheck to get me from a week ago til who knows when.

It’s been a wild ride and I’m still processing everything that’s happened, but am trying to make the best of it. Our whole state is shut down and we’re just all waiting. Nothing else to do right now.

For anyone else hurting, my thoughts are with you. Only up from the way down, right?

Thank you, @taylorswift, for spreading so much goodness in the world. Loved you for 14 years and I’m looking forward to so many more!!!!

Enjoy some photos of me and Taylor over the years 😂

Yes, I’m the one who compared Taylor to her chickens and she liked it 😂😂 for all of the times she’s brought happiness to my life, I’m glad I could do it for her a few times. Love you always @taylorswift

[willfulbeautya]

Lyanna Stark and the Possibility that she’s a Greenseer

I would like to preface this headcanon by saying that this is borne out of my own imagination + analysis of the text + hours of conversation with @prphecybound​. There’s a very high possibility that I’m completely off the mark and of course, you don’t have to agree with me on this. But as far as this interpretation is concerned, I’m adapting this headcanon in all of Lyanna’s main verses, and things will have to change. I may have to drop threads which are no longer relevant because of the changes introduced by this headcanon, so I thank you for your patience and understanding in advance.

TLDR:  Right before the tourney at Harrenhal,  Lyanna Stark had a run in with a wildling who possessed the greensight. This was the first time she heard of the “prophecy” and she was told to “follow the path of blue roses”. During the tourney, after he found out that she masqueraded as the Knight of the Laughing Tree, Rhaegar Targaryen crowned Lyanna the Queen of Love and Beauty and laid a crown of blue winter roses on her lap. On the way home to Winterfell from the Riverlands, the She-Wolf contracted a fever. It took some time for her to recover, and she had fever dreams and green dreams while she suffered through her illness. The green dreams would continue even after she regained her health. 

I’m in danger of repeating some key points that I’ve already discussed over and over like a broken record, so I’m just going to list them and you can ask me questions about them ( if you have any ), in which case I’ll probably talk your ear off:

PS. You can skip through the bullet points to get to the important parts!

Lyanna is the Knight of the Laughing Tree. I think this is as good as canon at this point.

Rhaegar found Lyanna out. As a sort of acknowledgment, he crowned her The Queen of Love and Beauty by the end of the tourney at Harrenhal. It doesn’t go any deeper than that ( a.k.a. they’re not secretly in-love,  sorry ).

The Mad King also found Lyanna out and ordered for her arrest. I’ve written extensively about this here, but pretty much the mad king was triggered by the KOTLT and couldn’t let shit go.

In connection to the above, here are some of the popular beliefs about Lyanna and her character that I don’t really buy and will NOT be adapted into this interpretation:

Lyanna ran away with Rhaegar to escape the betrothal with Robert. While I don’t think Lyanna was the most eager to be married to Robert Baratheon ( or to be married at all ), I also don’t think she ran away with Rhaegar to escape her betrothal. She could have run away, point blank period. But with a married prince? I don’t think so. ( Considering too, that Lyanna’s initial reservation against Robert was his inability to keep to one bed. Based off of that alone, I don’t think Lyanna would willingly participate in infidelity of any kind. In this separate essay I will – )

Lyanna was not dutiful. True to a degree, if only because she was not raised to be dutiful, exactly. She won’t inherit Winterfell, unlike Brandon. The expectations of her were quite different compared to the expectations of her brothers. Her purpose was to marry and have children and that’s that. So yeah, she’s not exactly as committed to duty like Brandon could have been or Ned was, but that didn’t take away from the fact that she adored her family and she had a strong moral compass.

Lyanna was selfish. I see this around a lot and it’s the most mind-boggling of all. This was the girl who, at 14 years old, was ready to throw down against three grown squires to defend the honor of her father’s bannerman. She later fought in a tourney and won, and asked the lords that the squires served to teach them manners. If she would go that far to defend a sworn bannerman to House Stark, who was not just being bullied but also discriminated upon because of his culture, then I’m pretty certain she’s the type to stand up to injustice without regard for herself. In that similar vein, I don’t think she would besmirch her family’s honor on a whim, knowing how seriously she took the meaning of that honor as made clear by her defense of Howland Reed. 

Now that we’ve gotten all of those out of the way, it’s time to dive in into the void.

As is already previously established by canon, all Stark children are wargs. I know this mostly pertains to the six children of Eddard and Catelyn Stark, but there’s literally no reason why it could not extend to the generation of Starks that came before them. Brandon and Lyanna for example, possess the legendary “wolf-blood” of the Starks of old, and thus are tied very closely to the Stark mythos of being descended from the First Men. According to AWOIAF, “Greenseers had the greensight and were wargs as well.” While not all wargs are greenseers, we have evidence in Bran that the greensight is definitely alive and well in the Stark line ( and in the North, as evidenced by Jojen Reed, a crannogman, and Brynden Rivers a.k.a. Bloodraven, whose mother was a Blackwood ).

Following this logic, I don’t think it’s extremely far-fetched to say that Lyanna might have been a greenseer. The ability in Bran was triggered by his fall, whereas it almost came too easily and too naturally to Rickon. Rickon and Bran shared the same dream about Ned’s death ( which they predicted even before Maester Luwin made the announcement ), and Rickon also knew when Catelyn and Robb left that they would never see them again.

In Lyanna’s case, I don’t think she knew what she was ( I don’t think the Starks ever realized how closely they were tied to what’s left of magic in the world ). She knew she was said to have the wolf-blood, and I’m guessing that that had something to do with her temperament ( a trait she shared with Brandon ). By all accounts, Lyanna was wild and brave; she thrived off of independence and did not do well with restrictions. She rode horses like she was half a horse herself according to Roose Bolton, and maybe that’s because she understood horses like no ordinary human could?

I’ve already headcanoned that my Lyanna was a warg, so I’m going to take it a step further and say that she was a greenseer as well. No, she’s not as good at it as Bran, mainly because it was not a talent she cared to develop. She knew how heavy the weight of the prophecy hung on Rhaegar’s shoulders, and she would not want to carry the same burden.

I need to write a drabble on this and I will, but basically, here’s how I see it playing out: right before Harrenhal, during the year of false spring, Lord Rickard Stark’s men caught wildling raiders not far from Winterfell. Now we all know the northern tradition that whoever passes the sentence should swing the sword, and as Lord Paramount of the North, Rickard had to be the one to do it. Lyanna and Benjen caught wind of this execution and went ahead of their father’s men to see the wildling raiders for themselves before they went on the chopping block. This was mostly at Lyanna’s insistence, and Benjen was happy enough to follow where his elder sister lead.

When they reached the field where the execution was to be held, they saw the wildlings manacled inside a cage ( not unlike the one that held Jaqen H’ghar and his two companions ). One of them, a wilding woman, saw Lyanna and Benjen and knew exactly what they were: wargs. But that was not all. Lyanna caught much more than a passing interest from the wildling woman who beckoned the she-wolf closer. Against Benjen’s wishes, Lyanna went, and when the woman seized her arms, the wildling’s eyes rolled back inside her head so far that all Lyanna could see were the whites of her eyes. And then the woman spoke:

Beware, child. The endless night is near and it will swallow the world. You must bring forth the song of ice and fire and pay in blood to stay the cold that never ends. You must follow the path of blue roses where it leads. One day the mountain will crush the sun and the lion will bleed the streets dry. One day –

( This sucks but bear with me. I’m not George R.R. Martin )

Before the wildling could utter more, Lord Rickard arrived and caught Lyanna speaking with the wildling. Needless to say, he was not happy, and grew ever more incensed when the wildling leaned in and whispered something in his hear. Lyanna never figured out what the wildling said and her father never felt inclined to share. Lord Rickard also decided that since she and Benjen were already there, they might as well stay and watch the execution. They both did. They held hands, but they didn’t look away.

Anyway, cut to Harrenhal. Lyanna was just given a crown of blue roses by Rhaegar Targaryen, and the wildling woman’s words were ringing in her ears. On the journey back to Winterfell, Lyanna who rarely ever got sick, caught a fever along the way and started to have odd fever dreams. In these dreams, she saw a castle burning. Dragons were flying all around, trying to escape the fire, and in the middle of the chaos was a girl dancing round and round, with flowers in her hair.

Lyanna dreamed of the same castle, now in ruins, and a short woman with floor-length white hair stooping against a cane. A harp was playing somewhere and the woman was weeping, calling out for someone named Jenny. She also dreamed of a sandstorm, with the air whipping around her face in tumultuous gusts, smelling of blood and roses.

The she-wolf dreamed of a great many things, not everything she remembered when she finally recovered from the fever. Afterwards, the dreams would continue, and though not as vivid as before, there was always a sense of urgency in them that she could not explain. Sometimes she would dream of a night sky, viewed from below, as though she was lying down on a stone floor looking up. In the days leading up to her encounter with Rhaegar Targaryen in the Riverlands, she would dream of the Isles of Faces, which was where she knew she had to go to, to make sense of whatever was happening to her. She would meet Rhaegar there eventually, and along with him, the Ghost of High Heart, whom she already had visions of prior ( the short woman with floor-length white hair ).

It was the Ghost of High Heart who eventually convinced Lyanna of the role she had to play in fulfilling the prophecy of The Prince Who Was Promised / Azor Ahai. Combined with the words of the wildling and her own green dreams, it became difficult for her to deny that she was somehow involved in the foretelling that Rhaegar was so obsessed with. The Ghost also repeated something the wildling had said to Lyanna prior, which was that she would “pay in blood” to fulfill her role, which Lyanna interpreted as her imminent death.

You might be thinking “well, that’s stupid” and yes, it kinda was. The thing with Lyanna though was that she really did not have anything going on for her aside from a betrothal, which she was not feeling every keen about. This prophecy though… was something bigger than herself, and was something which can potentially save the realm from an ominous threat. The KOTLT incident showed us that Lyanna had a strong sense of morality, and also a penchant for risky yet grand gestures of bravery. Saving the world was the kind of thing that she would not even think twice of doing, no matter the cost to herself.

Things Lyanna did not foresee: Brandon’s reaction to the news that she was missing and Brandon’s fast assumption that it was Rhaegar who took her. At most, Lyanna expected they would notice her absence and would assume she ran away from her betrothal, but for her brother to accuse the crown prince and storm the capital while doing so… did not occur to her. Also, IMPORTANT: Lyanna and Rhaegar had no idea about Rickard and Brandon’s death until after the Battle of the Bells, when Gerold Hightower finally found them in TOJ and asked Rhaegar to return to King’s Landing. By this time, Lyanna was already pregnant.

Whether or not Rhaegar and Lyanna were right about the prophecy… doesn’t really matter here. They could be completely wrong. Dany could be the TPWWP and not Jon. Heck, it could be Aegon ( if he truly was Aegon lmao ). Basically, this was just how they interpreted the prophecy, and they both paid in blood for it. Since they’re alive in mine and Bubbles’ main timeline verses, the blood is of their loved ones, which was infinitely worse for both of them than if it were their own blood.

Is this a ship now? Well, no. At least not during TOJ, and heck, not many years after that. Lyanna was miserable in that tower and I can’t imagine Rhaegar was all too happy either. They’re doing what they thought they had to do, and Lyanna was going into it thinking she would die. All things considered, that might have been her preferred outcome, now that she knew just how much blood she had to pay to assume the role that would make the prophecy come true. The only real consolation in the aftermath was Ned’s forgiveness and the fact that Jon was kept alive because her brother loved her enough to give up his honor for her. But even then, it was a bitter consolation, and Lyanna would spend all her life trying to make up for her mistakes. 

[perfectirishgifts]

If Exposed To Covid-19 Coronavirus, How Long Before You Have Symptoms

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If Exposed To Covid-19 Coronavirus, How Long Before You Have Symptoms

So you may have been exposed to the Covid-19 coronavirus? How long might the incubation period last? … [] (Photo by Sergei MalgavkoTASS via Getty Images)

So you just found out that the person whom you encountered at the tussle for toilet paper has Covid-19. Or the local Hot Dog and Broccoli Emporium that you ate at recently. Or that “dress up like a marmot” party that you probably shouldn’t have attended. And now the wait is on for you. You are wondering whether you got infected and if so when you might become contagious and develop symptoms. And when can you be sure that you’re in the clear.

It’s a common set of questions because the Covid-19 coronavirus has been spreading so widely in the U.S., and who hasn’t been to a “dress up like a marmot” event recently. The answers will tell you how long you should remain concerned that you may have been infected and will help you better understand the bases of the recommended quarantine durations. When it comes to developing symptoms of Covid-19, the key durations to remember are two days, five to six days, and 14 days.

Why? Well, keep in mind four key periods:

Latent period: This is the period of time between getting infected with the virus and first becoming contagious. Think of it as the time it takes for the virus to get a foothold (or maybe a spikehold) in your body, to do the nasty in your body, and make enough copies of itself.

Incubation period: This is the period of time between getting infected with the virus and first developing symptoms. Consider this the amount of time that it takes for enough of the virus to build up in your body and your immune system to wonder, in the words of Marvin Gaye, “what’s going on” and react.

Infectious or contagious period: This is the time from the end of the latency period when you first become contagious until you are no longer contagious. During this time, you will have an infectious personality but in a bad way and can spread the virus to others.

Symptomatic period: This is the time from the end of the incubation period when you first start having symptoms to when your symptoms resolve.

The latent period and the incubation period both start at the same time, when the virus first enters into the cells of your body. You aren’t immediately infectious once the the Covid-19 coronavirus gets inside your body. It has to get into your respiratory tract cells, hijack your cells’ machinery, and use your cells like cheap motel rooms to reproduce. Once enough new viruses are produced and released, you start shedding the virus and are contagious. Symptoms, if you end up having them, won’t come until later when your immune system says, “WTH,” and starts mobilizing against the virus. Symptoms also may result from damage caused by the virus, but that doesn’t come until later either.

Testing can’t really tell when exactly you became contagious with the Covid-19 coronavirus because … [] that can happen in between tests. (Photo by JOHANN GRODER/EXPA/AFP via Getty Images)

This is why typically the latent period is shorter than the incubation period, usually at least 24 to 48 hours shorter. You are shedding virus at least one to two days before you develop symptoms, again if you even end up developing symptoms. In fact, you may be most contagious during the period between the end of the latent period and the end of the incubation period. To remember that the latent period ends before the incubation period, think “l” before “i” in “lifeguards” as in “lifeguards on Baywatch.”

It can challenging to figure out the typical length of the latent period. After all, asking a person, “when did you first start shedding virus” can be like asking, “when did you first start having noticeable body odor” or “when did you start becoming annoying?” The person most likely wouldn’t be able to tell you that “it was 12:35 pm when virus started coming out of my mouth like from a sprinkler” or “it was 12:35 pm when sewage and I became a lot less different.” The only direct way to tell when a person becomes contagious is the test than person continuously, like every minute or so. Doing such a study would then require a whole lot of cotton swabs and a whole lot of discomfort. Therefore, many infectious disease experts have been assuming that the latent period is at least 48 hours shorter than the incubation period. One to two days tends to be time it takes for the immune system to recognize that there’s been a mass release of respiratory viruses and to generate reactions that will cause symptoms.

By contrast, it’s been easier to measure the typical length of the incubation period. You can ask people when they first noticed symptoms after being exposed to someone with Covid-19, assuming that the exposure was obvious. People are little more likely to remember when they first noticed a fever, chills, a cough, shortness of breath, difficulty breathing, fatigue, muscle or body aches, headaches, a sore throat, a runny nose, congestion, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, or a loss of taste or smell. After all, diarrhea tends to be a noticeable event. You’re not likely to overlook diarrhea while dancing for example.

Close contact with someone includes spending more than 15 minutes within six feet of the person or … [] sharing items such as utensils or drinking glasses. (Photo by Matthew Horwood/Getty Images)

Studies have suggested that the incubation period can last anywhere from two days to 14 days. This is why the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has been recommending that you quarantine yourself for at least 14 days after close contact with someone is infectious with the Covid-19 coronavirus. A close contact consists of staying within 6 feet (or one Denzel, since Denzel Washington is about six feet tall, or approximately six to 18 hedgehogs) of the contagious person for a total of 15 minutes or more. A close contact can also be providing care for a person with Covid-19 or having direct physical contact with an infectious person, such as hugging, kissing, licking, or dancing the forbidden dance with him or her. Another form of close contact is sharing utensils like feeding each other Fruit Loops with the same spoon. Close contact occurs as well when a contagious person sneezes, coughs, pants, or sings the song “WAP” by Cardi B out loud on or around you.

However, the CDC web site now suggests that some people in some cases may be able to discontinue quarantine after just 10 days. This could even be shorter, seven days after you receive a negative Covid-19 test result, as long as the test was performed at least five days after the exposure. Here CNBC‘s Meg Tirrell described these updated guidelines:

These shorter possibilities arose from the observation that the average incubation period seems to be five to six days. In other words, on average you will develop symptoms five to six days after you’ve been infected with the virus, assuming that you end up developing symptoms. A majority of those infected will have an incubation period of seven days or less. And potentially over 90% of those infected will have an incubation period of ten days or less. For example, a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine back in March found that 95% of the patients had an incubation period of 12.5 days or less. And a study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine in May estimated the median incubation period to be 5.1 days and that 97.5% of those who developed symptoms did so within 11.5 days of being exposed to the virus.

If you are likely to become contagious one to two days before developing symptoms, then on average you will become contagious three to four days after being infected with the Covid-19 coronavirus. Therefore, the range of the latent period is probably two to about 10 days.

I’ve covered before for Forbes how long the infectious period usually lasts: typically no longer than 10 days in asymptomatic or mild cases and no longer than 20 days in severe Covid-19 cases. There are exceptions, though, such as a person who shed live infectious virus for 71 days, as I reported for Forbes. The length of the symptomatic period is more complicated. Although for many, symptoms resolve after two to three weeks, a sizeable percentage of people seem to have continuing symptoms long after the initial infection has resolved.

Ultimately, if you are wondering how long you will be in the clear after a possible exposure to someone with Covid-19, use the 14-day mark. Even though the CDC is now allowing for possible cuts in the quarantine time, they still say monitor yourself for symptoms for 14 days. In fact, the CDC website does state, “CDC continues to endorse quarantine for 14 days and recognizes that any quarantine shorter than 14 days balances reduced burden against a small possibility of spreading the virus.” So if you think that you’ve had a close contact, quarantine yourself for 14 days. If you may have had contact that doesn’t technically count as close contact, be careful for the ensuing 14 days. Keep a wide berth away from others. Maybe extend your social distancing to at least 12 to 18 feet or two to three Denzels or 12 to 54 hedgehogs. Wear a face mask if you are going to indoors with anyone else or outdoors in the vicinity of anyone else. Don’t share any utensils or objects like gigantic marmot costume with others until the two weeks has passed and you are symptom free.

From Science in Perfectirishgifts

[duncepatrick92]

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[mirceakitsune]

Tales from COVID-19 concentration camp Romania

A few weeks ago when I wrote about refusing to wear a mask when entering the store, I was accused of not caring for other's safety and questioned why I don't trust the official narrative on COVID19 or want to spite and disobey the government for it. I figured I'd give everyone a glimpse of what's been happening here in Romania over the past week, and how the Coronavirus crisis is being hyped and used to essentially turn my country into North Korea; I realize that people in the US (or EU countries that were civilized over the issue) might find my feelings alien because they aren't getting the treatment we have been. Ever since the never-ending "state of alert" has been imposed nation-wide, the government had one obsession unseen anywhere else in Europe or any country in the free world: Kidnapping and arresting people by force then locking them up for at least 14 days. I'm not even talking a requirement to isolate yourself in your own home as is the case elsewhere, or constraining a patient only if they have symptoms: If you have COVID-19 you are automatically under arrest at the hospital, resist and you're going to be arrested in an actual prison next. Us using the word 'arrest' is no exaggeration; There have been confirmed cases where patients (who didn't do anything wrong nor show resistance) were literally jailed in small dirty rooms inside hospitals, the door physically locked from the outside so they couldn't get out... nurses spoke of feeding them by pushing food under the door like in high security prisons. Yes, this happened in an EU member state in the year 2020... all thanks to those being afraid of a stupid virus. Needless to say that anyone with a flicker of sanity harshly criticized this abomination, which didn't happen even in China where they at worst kidnapped those who broke home quarantine. In our case, the people's lawyer informed the constitutional court that the measure is unconstitutional. After long weeks of waiting, the court finally ruled against the government! For nearly two weeks now, for the first time since this crisis started, patients were free to walk out of hospitals if they wanted... home quarantine was also no longer mandatory. The government's reaction to this could only be summed up as an attack against its own population: Representatives came on TV to yell "psychopaths who are killing your children and parents are out there riding the bus", "we must arrest everyone preemptively because the population can't be trusted to listen", "those people are biological bombs" and more statements you'd only expect from the Nazi party during its ascension to power. That was of course alongside the opposition party and the CC who were deemed "COVID agents" for disagreeing with them. Now: What the constitutional court actually told the government is that it can't restrict freedoms through (our equivalent of) an executive order, only through a law passed by the parliament. So the government started working on such a law a week ago. In a few days they they produced it and passed it through the first room. What came out was a twisted monstrosity that was somehow even worse than the unconstitutional provisions that existed before. If you want to know why hold on to your horses:

The government wanted the ability to forcefully quarantine anyone merely SUSPECTED of being infected, even if they had a NEGATIVE TEST to prove that they weren't. This includes coming from a high risk area or merely being seen showing symptoms. Therefore if someone saw you coughing or sneezing or you were caught having a fever, you could be automatically arrested off the streets and locked in a hospital until further notice. I understand that in theory you could be held indefinitely as well.

If you're a parent who has a child, your child would be kidnapped by the state and put into a placement center. If you wanted your child back, you'd have to be released on parole by the doctors at very least.

Quarantine of goods. This literally meant that the government could take away anything you own as it saw fit, then choose to either disinfect it or destroy it. Theoretically this meant that if a doctor felt your house is infected and couldn't be decontaminated, they'd have the ability to bring in a bulldozer and demolish it... at first they weren't even certain if you should get any compensation for that.

The law wasn't intended to apply to just COVID-19 or for a temporary amount of time, but to be permanent and apply to any contagious disease. If you got a seasonal flu all of the above could happen to you.

Just as this proposal came out, the prime minister was confirmed to send another hefty bribe to all media in the country in order to buy its silence. This resulted in some television stations trying to downplay the law or find laughable excuses for it, while other channels tried ignoring the subject by inviting celebrities and discussing all sorts of stupid things no one cares about as the world burns around them. The part of the press closest to the government even came up with narratives such as "everyone who disagrees with our attitude is contesting the very existence of the CoronaVirus" or the classic "protesters are working with Russia"... the label 'conspiracy theorist' is being obsessively applied to all of us who are standing up against this abuse. Obviously that didn't work as everyone was shocked and outraged by this proposal, and a few days after the initial form containing those provisions was announced protests started taking place. Over a thousand people (unacceptably little) took to the streets of Bucharest last Sunday, a few hundred coming back every day since, with another massive march planned this Sunday as well. How did the government respond? The same way you'd expect the Chinese Communist Party to: Riot police was told to use force and either arrest or fine anyone they saw in the area. Those caught protesting (a fundamental right) were filmed and told they'd receive giant fines mailed to their homes, though that's probably bullshit to intimidate protesters. Shocking abuses have already happened though: A young man was literally beaten up in the subway by the Gestapo simply for having his mask under his chin rather than over his nose, recorded screaming and the scandal even aired on TV. If you think I'm being crazy, please watch the footage in this 4 minute video from the official Youtube channel of a news station, which I personally saw on TV as it came out... he was literally an ordinary person using the metro to travel, could have been me or anyone else: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsxwkDVJyfs In the face of this fascism the opposition party (what's left of it anyway) delayed the law and put it into a 3 day debate. During this time they greatly watered it down and removed most of the monstrosities: You can only be held captive for 48 hours at most if the medic decides so, your goods will no longer be touched, and your child can stay with relatives instead of being abducted by the state. The government complained saying this is disarming them in the fight against the Coronavirus but ultimately let it go. It should be noted that yesterday while commenting on the law in its new form, our prime minister openly admitted that "if challenged the law will definitely be declared unconstitutional", essentially saying he knows he's passing an illegal law but doesn't care at this point... of course this comes from the same man who explicitly said "I ask everyone not to listen to the constitutional court and to ignore its rulings" essentially urging us to disobey other laws which is actually a crime from his position. The watered down version passed the senate yesterday, due to the main opposition party being ran by a traitor who only mimics opposing the government while working for it. Of course we're still unhappy as doctors can still kidnap people by force, even if for 48 hours instead of 14 days like the gov wanted. As the leader of a smaller opposition party said during yesterday's debate, "do we want to turn medics into sumo fighters wrestling with patients, or put a masked troop to guard each door by force"? The law has 48 hours to be contested to the constitutional court, which would then have to observe that it's unconstitutional and reject this one too... keeping my fingers crossed and waiting for the people's lawyer to contest it today, if it's not stopped I think there will be rioting. But yeah: This is for those of you who don't understand my burning hate for governments or why I'd ignore the virus narrative to oppose it... also why it makes me sick that people let this measly virus scare them, as those who are overly afraid let this happen and put us in danger or total dictatorship! The people who voted this law are pure evil and deserve hell itself to bite their asses after what they did. They know all too well that they've lost the trust of the people, precisely due to their corruption and incompetence and treating us as invaders in our own country... now they're hoping to make up for that using bolshevik tactics of force and intimidation, it's all they have left. Though Romanians have become complacent I'm happy that many people aren't letting themselves be intimidated and are keeping the good fight.