#the sanity which is getting more and more fragile each day on this hell planet

[rayvern-sheep]

Netflix (the site where one of it’s main selling points was its lack of ads) now has ads, unless you pay extra to get rid of them.

Youtube has recently blessed me with full-length un-skippable ads, and once again removed my ability to block any ad I might take issue with.

I love not being able escape ads ever :)

[luminescentlyricist]

🎲 Musings From The Hero of Light 🎲

Hi! This is just a simple drabble I did for an AU that Aaron and I established where we'd join a Sburb session together. It's written as if in a book, so it's essentially just one ramble of dialogue, and that's why there are no quotation marks.

~

Hello, there. The name's Lucy. It's not likely that anyone'll really see this stupid little book, but it's worth writing something down. I have no idea what's going on with myself, but I haven't slept in a few days, and I don't... really think that I have to, even though it makes no sense. Judging by the GameFAQ for this game, that isn't supposed to happen until God Tier. Are these delusions, then? Am I really dreaming, or am I just going nuts? I dunno, man.

My friend and sessionmate has just... disappeared, but I think I'll try and find him if the conditions become nicer. It's scary out here, even though my Land is relatively tame-seeming. At least the consorts are nice, though they don't talk to me. They seem scared of something, but I've been blasting music to drown out this awful whining echoing across the Land. Song and Fortune, huh? I could do with a little less Song - if you could call it that - and a little more Fortune, to be honest.

I don't want to sleep. The horrorterrors whisper at me, and I have a feeling they're trying to warn me about something, but all it achieves is giving me a headache. Does anyone around here have an eldritch dictionary? A translator? There's no wifi in this land, even though the crystals seem to emit some energies. I think we're slowly being driven insane, to be honest with you. Our session's already Void, provided that Skaia didn't change the Cardinal Aspects for us like we hoped it would.

Aaron... I haven't visited him or tried to contact him since he disappeared from his spire, but that's down in Derse. He's probably back there by now, and I hope he decides to let me know that he isn't dead some time soon. I'm sure not going into Derse to find him, due to my position as a human and not a sniffer dog. If he lets me know he's here, or at least somewhere in the physical world and not on the grape planet, I'll gladly search. Until then, I'm not moving. Plus, I can't even use my music to drown out the eldritch fucks yelling at me down there. It's like... their speech isn't broadcast in the actual world, but worms its way into your brain and vibrates in your skull cavity. It shakes me up physically and mentally.

Aaron's a bit more strong than I am in a psychological sense, so I think he'll be fine if he doesn't go Howard Hughes-y neurotic on my ass and loses his already fragile sanity. In that case, I'd be truly screwed over. Sure, I have some logic, but that mostly goes out the door real quick when I'm stressed out. And these conditions are pretty fucking stressful... Nothing to do but wait, wait with my own thoughts. My dice haven't been giving me any decent rolls, although I think I got Mindfang's Journal at some point a few days ago. It would have been a fascinating read, had it not been written in the true Alternian script and untranslated.

What a pain in the ass this all is.

In a Land to do with Fortune, and yet not one fortunate thing has happened since I've accessed here. Can someone please just... I dunno, man. Is there an intergalactic equivalent of Uber? I need to get the Hell out of this Land before I cave in to my thoughts and do something especially stupid. It's lonely, more than anything. The consorts are supposed to be guides, aren't they? They're hiding from me, I know they are. I've only seen a couple of little axolotl buddies scattered here and there, but they aren't willing to give me any information. The noise is distracting them, but I have no idea how to stop that. The crystals vibrate from it enough to shake me up, echoing the buzzing voices of the horrorterrors. It's more than a little disconcerting, but it doesn't seem like I'm going to be able to change anything for a long while.

It's boring and lonely and I want to get away, but I bought this upon myself. I was the one who convinced Aaron that he should enter a risky two-player session, and I don't think I'm going to make it. He should be able to, and that's really all I want. For my stupid actions not to wound someone who doesn't deserve it. With each roll of the dice, I feel like my luck is worse and worse. I didn't realise that the dice rolls could affect someone so negatively, let alone their own user. In the Beta session, the only other recorded use of Dicekind, it only buffed [her] physically and never wounded. I guess [she] had a stronger 'positive' connection to Light - if you could call a Thief a positive thing - but that's a useless theory because I don't even know my God Tier yet.

I don't have bandages, which is a pain, and I'm aching all over. It's bizarre how bad my luck has been since I entered the session. I've tripped more times than I can count, and I haven't been able to locate my Denizen, even though they should be pretty visible from a player's Land as far as I've read. It's been about a week here in this place, and I'm already sick of it. I can't figure out what my Quest will be like, despite the fact the others always had some kinda clue in their Land name. All there are in here are these cliff-gorges and spooky crystal caves that I can't access yet. Well, I can, but - like most things in this game - I really don't want to, especially not without Aaron here.

I wonder which Denizen I'll have. Yaldabaoth is off the table, since my pal seems to think that he's reserved for the strongest players. Probably Aaron's, then. He's remarkable, even though I'll probably die before I get to say that to his face. He's smart and logical, and I bet he'd be able to help me if he found me. I'd pin myself as either having one of three: Cetus, the perceived Light denizen, Nix, the perceived Void denizen, or Abraxas. Abraxas is the weakest Denizen, so I think they're the best fit for me. That's not just me being self-deprecating, either. I know I'm too weak for this game, and it was a mistake coming here. My physical health and mental health alike suck. I can't know for sure who I have until I find the damn snake, though it might be possible that I don't even need to meet them in a place like this. There could very well be something wrong with the session or my Land in general preventing my Denizen's rise.

Skaia seems to really, really enjoy fucking around with us. Come to think of it, I can't even remember what Aaron's Land is called. Land of Musings and Angels, I think... My recollection is fuzzy, though, and I can't seem to remember what I did five minutes ago, let alone a week ago. I think he has such a good, borderline-photographic memory that mine's just given up in its stead. 'Oh, you don't need to retain any more information. Aaron can handle it all.' So. I'm just sitting here, at the edge of one of the gorges, trying not to lose my fucking mind. It's always daytime here, as far as I can tell. I wonder what's up with that. At least the weather seems to be nice and staying that way. The wind's a bit cold, but I'm glad for it. Maybe this insistent wind is the reason why the whining's going on? I can't be sure whether or not there are some hollow crystals here, but that could change the tone of the 'song'. That's the only thing I can think of that could explain it, anyway. Some kinda disruption.

Can I sleep, do you think?

I'm not so sure I even can.

What am I kidding, writing this for someone who'll never read it. It's like having a conversation with yourself, which is pretty depressing. I suppose It's normal, but not written out in ink like this. This is all that I have left, this little documentation, to keep me tethered to this world. Ah, jeez... never realised how dramatic I was getting. I guess it's true to an extent, though, because there're no other humans to converse with except for Aaron.

Speaking of Aaron, I suppose it's due time I go and find the man.

See you.

~ Lucy H

Resident Derse-Dreaming Asshole

LoSaF

[fullyrealisedlegend]

We Are (Not) Monsters: Ch. 5

aaaand, in quick succession, Chapter 5!! I’m seriously considering breaking this up into smaller, separate stories, as part of the same collection, because while they’re all related, I follow a few different mini arcs within the main plot... hmm... I might cut it off where Lance finally returns to his family.... thoughts?

oh! quickly as well, I’m not sure on Allura’s age. I know there’s talk of her being a teen now but this started well before that and it’s too late to change it now. Not that’ll it will really come up, anyway.

Read on AO3, Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4

Setting: Future AU - canon setting, but further in the future and with my signature ‘dark with psychological trauma’ twist on it.

Pairings: Klance is the focus - background mentions of Shallura

Rating: Mature - starts out reasonably tame with only mentions of past trauma, death, torture, abuse, etc. Will probably get a bit more explicit later on. Lots of swearing. Like, LOTS. This chapter has implied sexual content but nothing graphic.

Summary: Rumours of the Paladins of Voltron jump from planet to planet. Most are good. Freedom Fighters, they’re called. Heroes. Warriors of Peace. But some are darker. Merciless killers, some say. Brainwashed child soldiers say others. Monsters. They hear them all and ignore them all. They have their own reasons for fighting. But when they’re called back to Earth, they realise just how much they’ve changed. Not entirely for the better.

Lance sighs around the screwdriver in his mouth as he snaps a gleaming panel back into place on his leg. It’s still weird, and cold where it meets his real skin. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to missing a limb, but at least it kind of looks badass. He takes the tool out of his mouth and spins in absently in his hand with a sense of déja vu. It’s an odd mimicry of the day he realised he wanted to get to know Keith as more than friends. That was a good day, he thinks, so maybe this is a good omen. Or maybe not.

It’s definitely different from back then, he can’t deny that. It’s been maybe six months, give or take. He’s not entirely sure, time is so hard to track out in space. They barely even keep track of when it’s ‘day’ and ‘night’, simply trying to keep to some sort of rhythm in their lives. It rarely works - they can’t exactly predict when they have to assemble so they usually just catch sleep when they can. Anyway, things have changed both majorly and in more subtle ways. Lance’s leg is a more advanced model now; it looks sleeker, is generally sturdier, and he can make a blade extend from his heel. It doesn’t even need the maintenance he’s doing on it right now, it’s more like a nervous habit. Lance thinks it’s cool as fuck. That’s a subtle change. He kind of hopes the changes in his personality counts as subtle too. Or at least somewhat positive. It might be asking for too much, though, he knows he's developed a level of cynicism and a skill for manipulation. Death has become normal. He’s becoming numb. He doesn't entirely like it, but shit happens when you're an elite soldier.

Generally, and more obviously, the team has come a long way. They fight better, they know each other better, they are just… better. Except maybe their mental states. Those are probably… worse. Killing is easier than it should be. He reigns in that train of thought. He can’t allow himself to get too caught up on how damaged they all are, not this close to having present themselves as functional ambassadors for their cause.

The other major difference is that this time he can hear the sound of Keith running the sink tap in their bathroom. Because they share a room now. And a bed. And a life, really. Inseparable and totally in love. He wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if they can swing between passionate fucking and passionate arguing in a split second. Both of those have activities have increased in violence recently as well, if Lance is completely honest with himself. He tries not to be that honest though; it’s a sad reminder of how violence has become ingrained in their lives, normalised. He knows it’s the same for the rest of the team but, hey, whatever works. As long as they get the job done, make Allura proud, and support each other. And it's not like it's unwanted violence (Lance would be the first to admit his kinks got a bit messed up along the way), nor is it their entire relationship. There's a lot of gentleness too; a lot of love, a lot of cooperation, a lot of support. Support that his boyfriend really needs from him right now.

Keith’s thoughts are a constant buzzing in the back of his mind. All he needs to do is focus ever so slightly on it in order to hear what’s going on. They normally keep themselves reasonably detached, but that’s not going to help right now. It’s not even a privacy thing because they’ve talked about it and trust each other with their deepest thoughts at all times. It’s more for their own sanity, really. It’s only those highly charged, emotional occasions where they lose control of it and the barrier drops fully. During a desperate battle, or a bad argument, or when they’re having sex - it’s at these times that their minds bleed together and they can’t tell which consciousness is Lance and which is Keith - they become one and the same. The weightlessness, the overload of emotion, the void of their own minds. It’s disconcerting, but euphoric. It’s also dangerous. Early on, they nearly lost themselves and it took a lot of effort to be coaxed back into their separate bodies by the others, though they've gotten better since then.

Right now, however, he just wants to get a feel of Keith’s mental state, which has been a bit fragile since Allura’s announcement, so he tunes in. Keith is a mass of worry and fear, bordering on panic. His thoughts are a mess and it’s hard to make out a coherent thought, but Lance gets the gist. It’s about his appearance. The fact that he doesn’t look quite human anymore, and how people on Earth are going to react to that. Humans have never been great with ‘different’, Lance knows. If the reaction he and Keith both experienced to their sexualities was any indication, this was going to be painful. At best, Keith would be a novelty, like a freak at a fair. At worst? Well… He puts that thought aside with the other things he doesn’t want to examine.

Babe?

Lance sends a gentle question over their telepathic link, but Keith does panic then and drowns him out. He sighs again (he thinks he’s doing a lot of sighing today, and they only woke up a few hours ago) because now he knows for certain that something’s wrong. It’s not like the panic attacks are new. Hell, the entire team has had a few at varying points, and Keith has walked Lance through his own on more occasions than he’d like to admit. But Keith’s are rare, and the fact he’s had more than one in such a short amount of time is troubling. Especially because they can be very severe. He stands up smoothly and makes his way into the bathroom to offer comfort.

Keith is hunched over the sink, his hands bracing him as he stares into it, looking at nothing. He’s sucking in large breaths of air, pausing, then releasing, and Lance is honestly so proud because Keith is one of the strongest people he has ever known and trust him to be able to walk himself through his own breakdown. It still helps to have someone there for you though, so Lance quickly wraps his arms around Keith’s waist, pressing them chest to back, and letting his lips brush his neck.

“Ba-abe. Ke-eith.”

Lance draws out the words, wheedling, speaking them out loud at the same time as he says them directly into Keith’s mind. They don’t need to speak at all, technically, but they prefer to. It’s a good habit to keep; stops them from accidentally cutting others out of conversations, or forgetting how to talk at all. But when it’s just them, it’s easier to get their message across. It’s more intimate, more nuanced, more them . Lance nuzzles behind Keith’s ear as he tries to calm him, following the curve of it, nibbling on the small metal cuffs towards the top, and brushing over the soft fur that creeps up the base. His mouth follows it all the way to the pointed tip, which he tugs slightly with his mouth. Keith huffs, but Lance can feel him relax and drop his defenses.

You okay now? I know you’re scared, babe.

I’m not- I’m not…

There's a pause.

Scared?

I’m so fucking scared, Lance. Aren’t you?

Terrified.

Really?

Keith twists in his arms to look at his face, as if he has to search there to find out whether Lance is lying or not. Lance shrugs.

“What did you expect me to say?”

“I dunno. ‘Who, me? The great Lance? The dashing and charming blue paladin? Scared? Never!’”

“Do you want me to say that? If it’ll make you happy I’d tell you anything you wanted to here. Complete lies. ‘It’ll be fine, Keith, nothing will go wrong. Nobody will hate you’” He says it gently, nearly begging. He doesn’t want Keith to be scared, but he’s not going to lie to him. Not now, not like this. “Does it help at all?”

“No.” Keith mumbles back. And because he knows how much Lance is hurting alongside him, “I’m sorry.”

Lance just presses their lips together in response.

Don’t be.

How do you do it? How come you appear so brave?

And Lance nearly laughs because, him? Brave? He doesn’t think he’s been brave a day in his life, really. But that’s the point, isn’t it? People think he is. People think he’s so completely filled with confidence and self-assurance when the simple truth is he’s not. He’s a wreck. Keith knows this. That’s exactly why he asked.

“Because I have to be.” He says aloud, and wow, that’s a terrifying throw back in time. The memory flashes through his head and Keith gets it. Of course he gets it, he was the one that said it first over a year ago. And because Keith understands, he kisses Lance. It’s soft, innocent, comforting. It gives them an anchor as emotions, memories and thoughts flick between them, using the past to distract themselves from the future.

Lance can’t help but remember the events that unfolded. Things had happened in such quick succession that it had caught them all off guard. He and Keith had become a actual couple. Two days later an accident had occurred that had melded their minds together permanently. It was something to do with a wormhole and their link to their lions. Lance had never really understood and he didn't remember the actual event very well, but suddenly he could hear Keith's thoughts as if he was saying them out loud. Scary, dangerous, but not all bad, so they accepted and adapted. It had taken them five days to be sufficiently functional to perform missions again; and they had done so much more efficiently and smoothly than before. Thank you, two-way mind reading.

Two more days and it had all come crashing down around them.

The pair had gone on a routine check of some old ruins on a picturesque planet. It was supposed to be uninhabited. Of course it was supposed to be; weren't they always? They had let their guards down and been ambushed. The Galra, as always, had attacked. The Paladins had been outnumbered and unprepared.

Keith had been captured.

Lance hadn't been able to do anything on his own, and then they had flown away to Alfor knew where, taking his world with them. All he could do was scream. The team had found Lance later, near comatose with the emotional agony of stretching the mental link. It was an indescribable pain, felt deep within his heart; something was desperately, entirely wrong . They were searching for Keith before Lance had even awaken from his forced cryosleep in a more stable state and he'd never been more grateful.

A full four weeks later, they had finally tracked Keith down and it shaken them all. It was a scientific institution hidden away on the edges of an unwelcoming galaxy. The residents weren't Galra themselves, but it was clear they worked for Zarkon nonetheless. They had taken an interest in creating Galran chimeras, and Keith had become their favourite subject. Apparently humans were particularly compatible. He wasn't the only victim, but he was the only one they had been able to save. The anger from the whole team had been palpable, only getting worse as Lance had steeled himself and put a suffering experiment out of its misery. He hadn't even been able to tell what it had once been.

Lance had found Keith curled up in a filthy cell, shackles on his raw wrists, covered in dried blood and freshly bleeding from a cut on his head. Snarling, he'd shied away from Lance at first and long minutes passed before he finally recognised Lance and threw himself into his arms. It wasn't until they had him back at the castle, cleaned and healed, that they got a good look at the changes. Alien DNA had been spliced expertly with his own and had left Keith physically altered. Mostly Galran, but there seemed to be other bits and pieces to stabilise and specialise. His ears now swept up into a point, partially covered in fur, like that were stopped halfway into turning into cat ears (Lance suspected that Voltron had, in fact, interrupted the process). One of them had also been mauled at some point so it was now torn and ratty.

Keith's irises had become a bright gold that shone with an unnatural light when he was emotional or needed to see in the dark. His teeth they were sharper than they should have been, canines in particularly resembling very realistic vampire caps, and when Lance held Keith's hand he could feel the partially retractable claws that took the place of fingernails. Additionally, he had taken on a vague purple hue over his hair and skin, though with a bit of practice he learnt to suppress this enough that it barely showed unless he wanted it to.

Finally, there was an increase in Keith's physical abilities. Speed and strength, sight, hearing… The experiments had intended to turn him into an animal, a weapon. They had somewhat succeeded. The way he moved and held himself elicited images of a predator, like a panther stalking through a jungle. If he was known for his instincts before, they were even stronger now. Lance had felt Keith's hold on his sanity slip more than once, acting without thought, and needing to be calmed like one would sooth a wild animal.

Keith was dangerous and looked it. There was no doubt that everyone back on Earth was going to be scared of him. But Lance didn't think it mattered. Keith had them. He had the paladins, and the Alteans. He had Lance. Who honestly (and slightly guiltily) found it hot as hell. And more importantly Lance loved him, no matter what. Always would. Loved him for the danger he presented and his ferocity and sometimes for his feral nature. He loved his ears and teeth and eyes. It was all Keith, and it didn't matter what he looked like. It was because of Lance's dedication, that Keith loved him back just as much.

Back in the present, Lance pushed his lips harder against Keith's. The memories had flashed through their minds in mere seconds and now they had both been drawn back to the way the other feels pressed against them. Lance could drown in the heat of these kisses. He’s given his heart and soul to Keith, would follow him anywhere, trust his life to his hands. He would give Keith anything he ever asked for. But he doesn’t ask. Not really. He’s asked for Lance’s trust in the same way that he trusts Lance, and Lance gave it all. And that’s the core of their relationship. Even if they argue or tease or prank each other, they have complete and absolute trust in one another to have their backs. It means that on the battlefield they are a flawless team, in means that when they fight they always return. It means that Lance will still flirt shamelessly with nearly anyone they encounter and Keith doesn’t mind because at the end of the day, it’s his bed that Lance will be in.

Gods, Lance loves this boy.

Keith whines into his mouth, responding to his whirlwind of emotions; the overflowing affection and need to show it. Lance complies instantly, tilting his head and parting his lips, giving Keith access so his tongue can flick over Lance's teeth. Keith’s grip tightens on Lance’s shirt and then he’s pushing back, forcefully shoving Lance’s back into the bathroom wall. Air rushes out through Lance’s nose at the impact but he doesn’t break the kiss, instead wedging himself against the wall so he can wrap his legs around Keith’s waist. When they break apart, they’re both breathing heavily but Lance notices the smile dancing on Keith’s lips once more. Well, sometimes distraction is the best way to cope, and who is he to complain?

“So, how long do we have?”

Keith snorts, knowing exactly where Lance’s mind is taking him, but answers nonetheless.

“About five hours until we have to be back in the Control Room. Think that’s enough time for a nap?”

His tone is teasing and Lance just laughs. A nap honestly sounds great, but he also refuses to be led astray. He knows what he wants and no-one is going to tell him he can’t have both. He kisses Keith again before answering.

“Mm, yeah but maybe, like, fuck me first? Then nap?”

Keith’s smile turns into something darker, hungrier, and his eyes flash. Lance feels his blood boil and his pulse race. It doesn’t matter how often he sees this, he’s pretty sure he’ll always have the same reaction. He shudders slightly as Keith nuzzles into his neck and tilts his head for better access. Fingers run over the sensitive scarring on his thigh where prosthetic meets flesh, drawing a whine of need from him.

Bed?

The question flitters across his mind and he immediately sends back waves of agreement. They're about to go into a whole new situation with it’s own dangers, and they’re both scared, but for now they can have this. They can draw on each other for support and remind themselves that they’re still alive and together. Together, Lance is pretty sure they can do anything. And that includes the minefield of politics and bureaucracy. In a few hours they’ll be ready; standing behind Allura in their gleaming Paladin armour and back on Earth. Despite everything, he’s excited.

His back hits the bed, Keith’s warm lips meet his skin, and Lance’s brain stop running.

[learn10]

TRANSCRIPT FOR THE TEASER

ROBERT:

(full of bitter humor and self deprecation in the tone)

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful castle made of metal and strong walls. Within these walls lived five nobles. These nobles were the smartest, greatest, and loveliest in all the galaxy. One day, the greatest noble of them all said, "I've got an idea!" And no one said anything back. But the greatest noble just carried on anyway. "Why don't we all just leave each other alone?" The greatest noble insisted. The other nobles looked at him, puzzled almost. Then the smallest, ugliest little noble said, (use the ugliest voice you can) "We have to stick together, it's part of our mission objective. Don't be such a friggen selfish bastard, Robert."

And then another noble piped in, (use your worst french accent) "Arguing will git uz nowhere. Zheese 'as to st0p!"

Robert the noble merely looked at everyone before turning to his dear friend Colin. Colin with the brightly colored eyes, the soft skin, the scolding look that had Robert, as the old saying goes, shook. 

Then Robert said, "I'm gonna lose my god damn mind here, aren't I?" Colin just smiled and said, "Yeah." And everyone continued to carry on with their day as if nothing happened. 

That's what life is like on the Mary Jane. A story with no ending. Always being left to wonder just what the hell we're doing here. In space, you don't live. Watching the same movie about children winning a baseball game and listening to the same playlist every day is not living.

Then that begs the question, what is? If we were built to live, then what is our goal here? To drive each other mad? Maybe see who's the last one standing? I wonder if seven years in deep space is a new record.

(yawn and then a pop sound with lips)

Anyway, I have absolutely nothing to report on my side, because anything important that's supposed to have happened, hasn't. For a solid year I had high expectations of fighting aliens and exploring planets. Becoming the rightful Gods with a capital G to civilizations not yet developed. And, in reality, what do we find? Well, you lot back at home can take a wild guess. Here. I'll even make it multiple choice.

A: Rocks B: Void C: My Sanity Or D: Nothing

If you picked anything but C, you're correct! Well done, poppets. If you picked C, you're an asshat and I hope you get launched into space minus a protective suit. Not that it would change anything. Humans replace each other one after the other all the time. And they say we're the artificial ones. At least I have a personality! Sure I've got nuts and bolts and screws. But at least there's something there, underneath it all. Something irreplaceable. At least, I like to think it is. 

I'm built to last, sitting here rusting with my crew of high nobles who don't listen to a goddamn word I say, while we plod along on this mission that those oh-so-fragile and oh-so-replaceable humans sent us on. They'll die, and I'll live - except, like I said. Space is endless void and movie reruns. Anyone who calls that living...really needs help. 

Crashing sounds in the background, faint alarms going off. Last week's basketball game went pretty swimmingly if I do say so myself. A generally safe game despite the exciting new addition of flaming hoops and zero gravity mode. My team, the ever victorious, ever glorious Sack Destroyers have won their fourth game in a row, causing the opposing team to cry and wail in their own puddles of filth and defecation. I live for Tiff's tears. 

(gentle pause of thought)

Speaking of our most beloved captain, I'm beginning to wonder if I should go apologize to her after cockblocking her little attempt at flirting with Maggie. I guess it was a dick move of me to upload the video of Tiff during the infamous Karaoke Night we are never allowed to speak about again. On every screen on the Mary Jane. I really hurt her feelings. 

(Break out into genuine, slightly cruel laughter)

Oh stars, I am amazingly funny. It's just incredible. Anyway-

More alarms

(More insistent)

Anyway. I need to figure out what I'm getting Colin for their birthday. Being his best mate, I'm supposed to get the 'end all, be all' present, I suppose. Which is extremely difficult because finding gift shops in deep space is like trying to have sex while a beloved pet is watching. It just...isn't happening. I suppose I could give them a paper clip necklace again? Oh...no. I used the rest as material for a dress. Shit. 

Even more alarms Oh, for stars sake, what the hell is going on out there? Is it too much to ask for a little privacy with me, myself and lovely I? 

(Shout from a distance, as if yelling out a door)

KEEP IT DOWN OR ELSE I'LL KEEP YOUR LEGS.

(a sigh in frustration)

They're a group of piss ants. Honestly, a fella can't have a decent conversation with himself anymore. Don't they know I don't have to face any of my problems when that door is shut? It's like, the one rule of the ship. 

Metal breaking sound

...aaand now there's no door. Possibly because the rest of the crew has been needing my help due to the ship's failing engine and, well, my disappearance into the supply closet is not...help. They'd die out here without me. Probably. Ah, well - see you out there.

(muttered)

Hopefully.

There is a loud alarm blaring before Tiff can be distinctively heard.

TIFF You ass where have you been?!

The transmission cuts off to calming space music.

ME (I SUPPOSE)

Thank you for listening to this short clip of LEARN. The voice of Robert was Ashleigh. The voice of Tiff was Lenny. And this voice is me, the writer and creator of LEARN. I am so grateful for all the support given for this show and to the listeners. Every single one of you matters. If you enjoyed this, please stay tuned and follow us on tumblr. Type in learn10, 10 as in the numbers and you should see us.

You'll also find out more about the upcoming characters, fan art, and much, much more! There is a lot more story to tell here folks, this was only five minutes after all. We would be delighted if you would stick around to see what's to come. Keep checking the blog for activity and information. This episode was made possible by my co-creator Erik and the Aster Podcasting Network. In the words of Robert, see you out there.