#the smallest things

[tinsnip]

Ok, so bmouse says WIPs should be finished in honour of Garashir on Lower Decks, and I agree.

I'm writing again! It's nice but also work! If you like my Garashir, you might like what's below the read-more. Spoilers for "The Smallest Things" and this is a rough draft.

Dear Ezri,

I hardly know where to start.

I suppose I could start a week ago, when I moved into Garak’s home in Kardasi’or, but that seems to gloss over a few details.

Perhaps instead I’ll go back to two weeks ago when I arrived here on Cardassia and immediately got arrested for harassment of a senior official & resisting arrest. Really, it was immediately. About two hours elapsed from Cardassian soil to Cardassian jail. This is where you can pretend to be surprised, by the way. I was surprised: two hours is a new record for me.

Garak’s just passed by and has asked that I put in a hello, and has also charmingly added that given that it was me, he would have expected the arrest in closer to one hour. Ho ho. He hasn’t changed.

Actually, he has changed. But I don’t know what to say about that yet.

I’ve only been here in person for two weeks, and we’ve seen each other surprisingly little over that period. It turns out that being a person of seemingly some importance in the local government eats up a great deal of his time. He doesn’t sleep much.

But he does make time to cook dinner for us - actually cook! (He won’t let me, as I’m awful at it, which I agree with wholeheartedly.) We have a very small replicator, honestly quite the step down from even the worst standard repli on DS9 - but it can spit out a reasonable variety of ingredients I don’t recognize, and even a sort of facsimile of a tomato, which Garak managed to turn into something surprisingly close to a nice spicy arrabiatta. That was a treat (once I managed to forget that the pasta was some kind of fungus). And I’m getting used to a mostly-strict standard Cardassian breakfast and lunch regimen, as Garak’s not around when I wake up (or for most of the day), and the replicator’s pre-made selection is minimal. And bland. Fish soup is prevalent. Lots of little dry cakes. Not all awful, though - have you ever heard of ikri buns? 

I keep putting this letter down and picking it up again. It’s so hard to put how I’m feeling into words.

I’m happy. I’m so happy. I can’t express it. I’m warm through with it. But I know myself, I know that’s new love. (It’s love! He loves me, Ezri! And I love him, God help me. I’m so in love.) And I know new love fades, and I know things get in the way of love, and I know I don’t see him much, and here I am on a planet that doesn’t like me much - a criminal record after two hours, remember - and also I stand out, and it’s not good for him to have a partner that stands out for a variety of reasons, especially a sort of quasi-Starfleet Human physician - not so much not good for him as not good for his position, which is him. You know it. You know him, and how he feels about Cardassia. You know what it means for him to choose me, despite what it could do to his possible influence here.

You knew better than I did.

And yet here I am in his house, and I’m very happy, and I’m also afraid.

I thought about crossing out that last bit, or at least rewording it, but it’s true. And anyway, I don’t need to watch my words with you, do I? I think you’re the only person I know who could understand what I’m getting at. Miles barely knows about any of this - he’ll be flattened when I next write to him and casually drop my new location (and the letter back will burn off my eyebrows). And Rijal doesn’t like Garak, and is also quite upset with me for leaving—

I’m on indefinite leave, by the way. I’ve taken leave from Starfleet Medical (hence the ‘quasi’ above). I can apply for re-entry at any time within the next two years, the form letter assures me, as I’ve not been discharged or formally resigned my commission. My former duty spot is, of course, not guaranteed, but they promise they’ll make every effort to accommodate my preferences. Once two years are up, it gets a bit more complicated. Manageable, but complicated.

So here I am, not responsible to anyone and far from what was home, without much of anyone to talk to except Garak. And I find I can’t really talk to him about this.

Ezri, I am terrified.

Everything has changed for me. I still can’t believe how this started out with something so small, with a letter and with you leaving (and I still miss you, by the way, and hope you’re well and happy, forgive my parentheses as I’m a bit all over the place). And then things got extremely complicated. A year ago I could never have predicted how things would change, how my life would suddenly seem to shrink to something so small, and then be so weirdly… expanded.

I think I have some idea how you felt when you were joined with Dax. If that’s not too presumptuous, which it probably is, but… I could never have imagined myself doing this, a year ago. I thought I could see my life rolling out comfortably in front of me.

And now this.

I’ve leapt before I looked, as you wisely knew I would. And I told myself I’d sort things out when I landed. But instead I seem to still be falling, with no idea where or when I’m going to land. And you told me so.

But, and please forgive my tortured metaphor, he’s here with me, and we’re falling together, and I know I’m being sappily romantic and this probably won’t end well, and I know I’m scared and he’s scared too even though he’d never admit it, and I also know that I am damned well going to try.

Cardassia can take all the shots it wants at me. I’m ready. Bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway, right? (Garak is now reading over my shoulder, and he says that no, that is not bravery, that is stupidity. He’s also put his arms around me, so I suppose my stupidity is either expected or forgiven.) I hope I can find a way to practice medicine here, but if that’s not what’s needed of me right now, then all right, I’ll adapt. Right now Garak says our best bet for this to all work out, politically and for the two of us, is for me look harmless and ornamental and not at all dangerous (I will never forgive you for the way you’re grinning). So I’m staying at home, and I’m reading, and I’m learning. When I go out I’m on his arm. I’ve done two public appearances at local reading-groups, and I’ve been a guest on a talk show, which has already invited me back. I’ve been told my looks are exotic and my smile is charming and I’m honestly one of the nicest Humans they’ve ever met, if one doesn’t mind the smell and the way we shed.

So I suppose in addition to giddily happy and stomach-churningly frightened, I’m also getting irritated.

This isn’t going to be easy, Ezri. Thank you for warning me. Thank you for telling me to be careful. And thank you for supporting me when you realized I was going to do whatever I wanted, no matter the consequences.

Perhaps in a year, when things settle down a bit, you could come visit? I could take you to see the Alik Dunes, not far from Kardasi’or. It’s a walkable distance from the furthest train stop, actually. They’re the site of the first successful regreening project in this area after the Fire. There’s a little tea shop, and an area where one can walk barefoot. The plants feel very good on one’s soles. Garak and I go there sometimes, and almost no one takes pictures. I think you’d like it.

I miss you. I hope you’re well. I hope you’re having grand adventures. I hope you can lend me a little courage as I start out on this one.

Best wishes, and all my love,

Julian Bashir

[sirlonius]

[mangosandwichs]

one step closer to fitting in

close ups:

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

"Why did I do that?"

close up

[linterteatime]

Slugcat distribution system gave them an explosive rabid raccoon and a overpowered sewer rat ❤️

[sweatermuppet]

moodboard for when you have to communicate with your landlord

[naamahdarling]

Self-care Junie says remember to make biscuits for yourself sometimes!

ID: A fluffy white cat kneads at a soft blanket with her muzzle pressed against it like she was nursing. Audible soft purring.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

put me back in the oven i am NOT done baking

[lazylittledragon]

i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD

[arrgh-whatever]

love the way Maric's brothers have changed ( 2021 - 2023 - 2024 )

[tinsnip]

Okay, this is going to get reworked for the fic because it doesn't fit as it is - I decided to take a different tack - but Bekla and Jekad crack me up, and I wanted to preserve them somehow. Spoilers for "The Smallest Things."

Our sponsor for the show is, as always, Golet Kobel Nuts: for the longest, sweetest glow. With a kobel nut in your cheek, life is sweeter, stresses are smaller, and problems melt away just like the delectable kobel nut syrup you know so well. For the reliable, satisfying relaxation you deserve, choose Golet.

This week's Golet Gossip is from a long-term follower, first-time commenter - our favourite kind! - who says, “Dear friends at Windcatch:

My gossip comes from the Capital itself - hmm! intriguing! - and it concerns an unexpected visitor to the Central Plaza. A Human Starfleet officer -

This can't be that interesting.

Wait, why not? Give it a chance, Bekla.

I'm so bored of Humans. All the gossip we get about Humans is the same. ”Oh, the Human said something weird! Oh, the Human ate the food wrong! Oh, the Human—”

I admit they've lost some of their novelty.

Well, they're *everywhere*, Jekad. Can't go anywhere in Kardasi’or these days without finding hairs in your food, can you.

Now, now.

Go on, then...

*Thank* you, Bekla. All right, our writer says a Human Starfleet officer -

- the worst kind -

--seems to have some pull in unexpectedly high circles in Kardasi'or. After being apprehended for causing a nuisance during the business hours of the Ministerial Level--

Hmm, maybe I do like Humans after all.

I wonder what he did?

”Nuisance“ is so vague. Keep going.

Hmm. All right - after being apprehended... yes... was apparently vanished off to a holding cell, or wherever nuisances go—

Bored again...

—and was then visited by the Secretary to the Minister of Accountability for a *private conversation*!

Mmm-hmm. I wonder how many lights he saw.

No, wait - apparently it wasn't that kind of conversation - apparently it was actually the Minister's real secretary! Our source claims to work in the office adjacent to hers and states that they would know her anywhere!

Ooh. Careful, source, you're going to get spotted.

Only by people who follow our feed.

Who says Ministers can't follow our feed?

I think our sponsors would be a little heftier than Golet Kobel Nuts if Ministers followed our feed. Not that I don't adore a good Golet Kobel Nut!

Oh, and I do as well.

What flavour are you suckling today, Bekla?

I'm trying the new mulvan flavour.

What do you think?

Why, it's dreamy-delicious, like all treats made by our friends at Golet.

Of course it is. And I'm going with good old classic Plain.

Ah, one must love the classics.

Mmm. Now, let's see - our source says the secretary visited with the Human for some time. Our source doesn't know what they talked about - disappointing, source! Try harder next time! - but *does* know that the secretary came out looking *very* frustrated and - get this - asked them for a kobel nut!

No!

Yes!

Secretaries of Ministers sucking kobel nuts, just like we poor gutter trash on the feeds?

Mmm. What sad days have come for Cardassia.

Sad days indeed. Wipe your tears, followers.

And then - hmm! All right, Bekla, you'll like this.

No! Don't tell me -

Yes! Your new favourite Minister appeared!

He looks *so* good in blue!

You really shouldn't choose your politicians by how they dress.

He looks better in blue than you do, Jekad.

I look atrocious in blue. I'll admit it.

You turn green.

Anyway, your favourite Minister *went down to the holding cell himself* and—

And??

And it stops there! That's all they've fed us!

But I'm still hungry!

I find myself more than a little peckish as well! We know so little about our new Minister, don't we.

We're starving. We're scrabbling at crumbs.

Source, you've got to do better. We're begging you. Find out what happened.

Don't let us starve! Look at my skin: positively sunken in around my jaw ridge.

It's depressing.

The makeup does nothing.

All right - let's each have another kobel nut to cheer up. What do you think of this one? Kafi?

Eww, they're pandering to Humans now?

Bekla...

[front-facing-pokemon]

[devilsminionworlddomination]

Iwtvtober day 13 - trust

[linkedin-offficial]

⛅

[sunlit-mess]

trying not to get attached

[andi-o-geyser]

“next year. in yavin” ohhh well just fuck me with a chainsaw why don’t you