#the soap sprite is running

[persy-r-bozo]

Sprites may look weirdly cute. but be Careful!

Fae flu Isn't treatable.

[side-shuffling-hyperfixations]

Random headcanons about the '03 turtles and their food/drink

This got longer than I expected so I'll put it under a cut! Maybe I'll reblog this every so often to add on if I think of more

Favorite pizza topping headcanons based on nothing but vibes

Leo: spinach and feta, sometimes those red pepper flakes too

Raph: pepperoni, black olive and onion

Don: Hawaiian* (Every family has one. The others boo him but he sticks to his guns)

Mikey: pepperoni, sausage, bell pepper, sometimes garlic and bacon bits

Favorite fruits based on mostly vibes except Leo's

Leo's favorite is canonically apples. He probably slices them with his katanas every time to look cool. If he wants to treat himself he might dip them in cinnamon sugar

I feel like Raph would just house a whole watermelon or a pumpkin for himself (and probably spit the seeds at Mikey to annoy him whenever he thinks Splinter won't catch him)

I headcanon Don with a big sweet tooth so he'd probably like the prepackaged fruits saturated in the sugary syrups like canned peaches and mandarin orange cups

Mikey's tastes are changeable so he may not have a favorite but he does like to test his tolerance by trying all the most sour fruits he can get his hands on. He may even add citric acid to go even further beyond. He's definitely sprinkled citric acid on his brothers' fruits as a prank and told them it was sugar (Don and his sweet tooth will forever hold a grudge for that)

Sour food tolerance:

Mikey: 9/10

Raph: 6/10

Leo: 5/10

Don: 2/10

Spicy food tolerance:

Mikey: 8/10

Leo and Raph: 5/10

Don: 4/10

Favorite ice cream flavors based on mostly vibes except Raph's

Leo: butter pecan with caramel sauce, whipped cream and/or some cinnamon

Raph: mint chip with a ton of extra mini chocolate cups (bro was very clear yelling before the ice cream run in The Ultimate Ninja that he wanted mint chip)

Don: cherry chocolate chip, usually plain but occasionally whipped cream or other fruits like blueberries or raspberries

Mikey: spumoni, with every topping ever. Sprinkles, nuts, chocolate chips, extra cherries, cream, syrups, you name it. No one knows how he manages to fit it all in the bowl

I wrote a whole fic about Mikey making his brothers' favorite pick-me-up chocolates, also based on vibes

Leo: milk chocolate hazelnut truffles

Raph: extra dark chocolate mint cups with a dash of honey

Don: milk/dark chocolate cherry almond cordials (sprinkles optional)

I'm still undecided for Mikey's favorite chocolate as of writing

*A few of their "controversial" food opinions to bicker about based solely on vibes

Leo: Likes black licorice and licorice-like flavors such as anise and black jelly beans. Likes rice and fish but not sushi (he and Don have extensive debates about this logic). Insists the shape of pasta noodles influences the flavor. Finds the Oreo cookie better than the filling. Thinks cheesecake is overrated.

Raph: Don't even get him started on the "right" way to cook a burger or steak or any sort of barbecue. French fries don't need any condiments. Edge brownie > center brownie any day. Liked pumpkin spice before it was cool and is very annoyed that it's now considered basic and stereotypy.

Don: Pineapple on pizza, as mentioned above. Thinks bacon is overrated but he's learned not to say that in Raph and Mikey's presence. Ketchup on scrambled eggs. Creamy peanut butter > crunchy. Cilantro tastes like soap only to him and he's exasperated that he's the only one

Mikey: Will go to bat for candy corn. Insists candy corn pumpkins taste different from regular candy corn but he'll defend them both. Milk goes in before cereal, he likes it more when it's soggy (Raph will try to steal and eat it before it can get soggy so the rest of the household doesn't have to watch it sit and soak)

The Great Soda Debate

Leo: Team Pepsi

Raph: Team Coke

Don: Team Dr. Pepper

Mikey: Team Sprite

The Great Coffee Additives Debate

Leo: Team Milk

Raph: Team Black...when he's not Team Pumpkin Spice (I don't care if it's "outta season", that's what I like, dang it!)

Don: Team Creamer, lots of creamer

Mikey: Team "Blech, I don't even like coffee"

Hot chocolate additives

Leo: Cinnamon, nutmeg, hazelnut syrup, whipped cream

Raph: Just plain chocolate (He's lying. He snuck in some pumpkin spice), whipped cream

Don: Chai chocolate with a heaping helping of marshmallows

Mikey: Caramel or butterscotch syrup and sooo much whipped cream. He gets access to the whipped cream after Leo and Raph have gotten their share or he'll use it all building a tower in his mug

Tea preferences

Leo: Chamomile

Raph: Rooibos

Don: Chai or cinnamon apple

Mikey: Boba

What do you want to bet Mikey has such a steel stomach because when they were kids his brothers pulled the "Bet you won't lick that. Bet you won't put that in your mouth lol" and he was like "Oh, yeah? Watch this" and then they all panicked because "Wait, no, you weren't supposed to actually swallow it!!" And then they didn't learn their lesson and did it again, rinse and repeat until his digestive system is ironclad

Would a Heimlich maneuver work with their hard plastrons? If it does, they probably learned how to do it at an early age thanks to Mikey

I'm sure at least once someone has pointed at an unidentified object all "What's that?" and he's popped it in his mouth to find out. (I may or may not have done this before myself but it turned out fine, I'm fine :D)

[graspofdemise]

"Maybe the scythe hurts?" "Maybe they deserve it?" "You think!?" "I can guess!"

Aster and Aylin Callisto, twins in death by dying at the exact same moment in life; given the task of helping reap souls!

Aster is curious and calculating, the boy is often found looking in places where he shouldn't be!

Aylin is curious and unbothered, the girl finds herself in all sorts of trouble for fun!

IGNORE THAT THEY'RE PJSK SPRITE EDITS I SHOVED THEM IN PJSK, ENSTARS, BANDORI, BEFORE DC 😢

Backstory: So these teenagers died at the exact same moment in time which created a paradox! To solve it, the humanified concept of death undertook the two kids and gave them new names and life as grim reapers to assist in soul harvesting!

Aster: Stubborn, emotional, and academic: Aster is truly a force to be reckoned with! Holding very few but strong values, he does what he wants so long as what he wants is in public favour. Despite being rude to people he thinks are deliberately stupid or cruel; he's actually quite social-finding it easy to make small talk and get along with people. Longing for real connections, Aster is an open person- or at least he wants to be. He's stuck having to hide a couple things he wishes he didn't!

Aylin: Energetic and carefree: Aylin is a girl who thrives off of change and entertainment. She's quite fast paced, but emotionally distant. The world is a scary place, but Aylin doesn't care! She's disconnected from it only caring about what she wants to care about. Due to that, she feels empty; longing for a permanent place that she could see the whole world from. Her cheerful face isn't a facade, but her stories of her past are almost certainly untrue if you don't know her very well!

HI It's Sylvie with MORE ocs!! Mun is 17 and @/stxrfaced who runs @/first-boy-wonder and @/mechanicaltouch!!!

Why is the art PJSK sprite edits you MIGHT be wondering!!!! That's because I don't have very good drawings of these sillies! I need to draw a pfp too!!

I have art of them?? It's just kinda mid, one of Aster on the roof reliving the moment before he dies- and Aylin at a shopping mall for some reason?? I think I had her killed there but I forgot since these ocs were first made when i was 12!! I drew this in class once last year though?? So something!!!

Also also the reason I brought them back and now into dcrp!! BASICALLY I'm British right, so my mom got me watching this British soap opera called EastEnders. I was INVESTED to the point when now its fri sat sun and there's nothing airing, me and my mom watched episodes from when I was 6 and they had angsty twins in it and I was like THAT REMINDS ME OF MY SILLIES. So now they're back!! Thank you peter and lucy beale for reminding me of these /silly

[officermaddie23]

Gregory: FUCK YOU

Maddie Drachenfire: GREGORY YOU CANNOT BE SAYING WORDS LIKE THAT

Coraline: So, he’s been swearing

Maddie Drachenfire: Yes and I can’t quite figure out why he’s doing this

Coraline: Well, my mom has a remedy for this problem

Maddie Drachenfire: I don’t think sprite is gonna help us here Coraline

Coraline (pulls out a bar of soap): No it’s soap

Maddie Drachenfire: oh

Coraline: GREGORY GET OVER HERE SO THAT I CAN WASH OUT THAT DIRTY MOUTH OF YOURS

Gregory (running off and hiding): NOOOOOOOOOO

@mellowwolflady uh oh

[theboysfromaustin]

May 17, 2011

"I can't believe you bought that grotty thing."

"It was a steal!" "Most of those mixes are at least a decade old…or older…." "It's all dry ingredients, those don't go bad." "Yeah, they can," Ian unlocked the door, letting them into the kitchen.  Martha looked up from her spot by the back door, tail thumping the ground.  Gav set Kazuo's dirty Easy Bake Oven box on the table, Ian grimacing.

"I'm sure that thing's filled with rat turds." "For a buck, I'm willing to risk it." "Good.  Hantavirus.  I'm not eating anything out of that," Ian went to fiddle with his new VHS camcorder.  "Well, Gav," Kazuo scratched his head, "Wanna help me clean this?" "Not really, but Ian's already bounced, so I'll be nice."

They started pulling out bags of worn and sun-bleached treat mixes.  Gav wasn't too worried, he'd eaten a lot of dumpster food - maybe they'd both get worms, maybe they'd get some brand new disease, formerly unknown to mankind.  There were at least 20 mixes of various sweets as well as savory ones like pizza and pretzels.  The inside of the box was dusty, filled with pans, sprinkles and glitter.  "Oh my god, glitter.  That's never coming out."

"Yeah, it will," Kazuo awkwardly grabbed the oven by one end, pulling it out of the box.  It was dirty, its stickers partially peeled and replaced with the girliest stickers imaginable.  Something rattled around inside, and he set it down to peer inside.  There was a broken bulb and a shaved, smooshed Barbie head.  "Okay, we gotta remove the glass and the Barbie." "Uhhhh…." Gav figured out how to pop it open to remove the bulb, then went to upend it over the garbage can.

Ian leaned on the doorframe, "Oh, that's gross." "It's gonna clean up just fine," Kazuo paused, "Alright, dish soap and water.  Gav, grab a couple towels." "Why isn't Ian helping clean?  He said he wouldn't eat from it, not that he wouldn't clean it." "I am amending my statement - I will not help clean the device," Ian went to the fridge and grabbed a Sprite, then settled in at the table.  "If you're not helping, why are you at the table?"

Ian took a long, slow drink, leaning on the table with a smug look, "It’s my table.  And I wanna watch the Easy Bake shitshow." "You are a total turd," Kazuo scrubbed at a suspicious stain, while Gav started working on pans.  Ian kicked his feet, a devious grin on his face.  He was enjoying this.  “These are sticky.” “Can they be run through the dishwasher?” “Probably, they're metal.” “Sweet.  Chuck ‘em in and run it on quick.” 

“You'll never get the crap off the machine.  Or out from the inside.” “This is the snottiest I've ever seen you.” “What, pray tell are you planning to do if you get this horrid thing clean and running?”

“YouTube,” Kazuo leaned back, studying the oven, “Gonna try to cook actual meals in it.  Gav, you have no food standards, wanna help?” Gav thought for a moment, “Why not?” “Great!  Ian, we need you as our sexy, sexy disclaimer lawyer man.” “You're going to burn the house down.” “And that's why we need you to tell people not to try this at home.”

“Kazuo, your idea of cooking is making a grilled cheese with an iron…then forgetting about it.” “Yeah, last time you burned a hole in the ironing board.  AFD was less than impressed.” “Sexy firemen, though,” Ian nudged Gav.  “There are some hot, hot firemen - and EMTs in this city,” Gav studied the box, “But I don't think for a second any of them would put up with our bullshit.”

“You got that right,” Kazuo gave up on scrubbing stains and just settled for disinfecting.  Ian sorted through the collection of dusty mixes, “Best check these for weevils.” “Protein,” Gav shrugged, “Kazuo, should we keep these?  They're from the 90s.” “Of course!  People love seeing old food get eaten.” “...Charming.  What are you calling this little nightmare channel of yours?”

“The Disaster Kitchen.” 

“Apt,” Ian nodded, “I have some old wartime cookbooks in the attic if you want some content.” “Perfect!” Kazuo leaned back, “We'll need you, the war baby, to rate and review them.” “Mmm….” Ian grimaced.  “Don't worry, you'll look great on camera.  Just gotta wait for the pans…”

“Okay…camera’s on…” “Do you know anything about video editing?” “Nope.  But you do.” “Wonderful,” Ian shifted in place.  He was shirtless in a suit jacket, pants and a bowtie in front of the table, “Why am I shirtless?” “Sex appeal.” Gav gave him the thumbs up, “Alright, big man.” Ian rolled his eyes, chuckling, leaning on the table, “Well then….can't believe I’ve been roped into this...”

He squared up, hands behind his back, “My name is Ian, and I am a practicing attorney.  Please do not attempt any of the nonsense my two boyfriends get up to in the kitchen - Kazuo can't cook and Gav is a trash-eating opossum….God help me, I love ‘em both and I'll be helping with this nonsense.  You've been warned.”

“Thank you, baby.  Alright, let's get set up.” Gav moved the camera over to the table, where the Easy Bake mixes were spread out.  Kazuo and Gav settled in.  “Hello and welcome to the Disaster Kitchen.  My name is Kazuo.” “I'm Gav.” “Today, we’re going to be making some Easy Bake Oven mixes from the 90s.” “They might taste like mold, they might be full of weevils.  I've eaten worse,” Gav shrugged.

“Did you test that oven?” Ian leaned on Kazuo, “And let Gav load the trays, you'll have it everywhere.” “Ah, yes - to preface, I have one eye, one arm and one leg.  It's not a camera trick, this is how I look.  And no, the oven is not tested,” Kazuo started opening packets, “Alright, it says just add water…how hard can it be?  Little kids can manage this.”

“With adult supervision…which you need,” Gav teased, “Ian, keep an eye on him.” “Always do,” Ian leaned over to kiss Gav’s head, “Keep an eye on you, too, god knows you may get sick from this little endeavor.  I know neither of you had one of these.” “And they weren't invented when you were a kid!  Ma would have gotten me one…dad would have burned me with it…”

“Y’know, I’m kind of surprised Victoria didn't have one of these,” Gav sniffled at a pan of batter, “That smells interesting.  Maybe I'm lucky she didn't, I woulda taken a hot pan to the face.” “You two are my favorite tragedies,” Ian set down a roll of paper towels, “Let’s keep this disaster as contained as possible, boys.”

Kazuo stirred a dish of frosting, “Oh, it's clumpin’.  I'm sure it'll taste fine.  Gav, cram that cake into the oven.” “This is bad.” “Perfect!  We'll do pizza next.” “Mmmm, expired dairy,” Gav grimaced.  “Perfect.  Your lactose intolerance will be worse.  You might be sleeping outside,” Ian leaned on the counter.

Gav looked into the machine, “I'm not sure if it's cooking.” “Lemme stick a finger in -” “Nope.  Lawyer intervention.  No injuries in episode one.” “Well, if it doesn't work, then we can't try cooking full meals in it…” “What a shame.  At least we can go through Ian’s mom’s cookbooks.” “I've got a bunch that I got free over the years…sixties and seventies were wild.  Lots of gelatin.”

“Perfect, those molds you have will finally be used.” “Wonderful.  How's your cake?” Gav pulled it from the oven, “Spongy?  This is an affront to actual baking.  Kazuo, this was a waste of a buck.” Kazuo nodded, holding up a spoon with a mass of curdled frosting on it, “This looks like the aftermath of eating at Baby Acapulco.” “Oh, that's uncalled for,” Gav gagged.

“Hmmm, yes.  Poop jokes.  Keeping it classy, I see,” Ian flicked Kazuo's ear, piercings jangling.  “I haven't even started talking about my balls yet,” Kazuo licked the frosting, wincing, “Oh.  Spoiled.” “So, we’re already tanking our chances of sponsorship.  Brilliant,” Gav stabbed the cake with a fork, breaking it apart, “I don't think we should eat this.”

“That's the show’s tagline, good job boys, I'm ordering a pizza.” Kazuo nodded, carefully wiping frosting on Ian as he turned.  “Don't wipe food on him, he's not the dog!” Gav chided him.  “Oh!” Kazuo brightened up, “Martha, c’mere!” Martha, who had been lurking under the table, hopped up onto an empty chair, head cocked.  “Don't feed her this, that's animal abuse!” Gav put one arm around the pit bull.

“It's fine,” Kazuo pushed the cake pan in front of her.  Martha sniffed it suspiciously, ear nubs pinning back.  She barked at the pan, and jumped off the chair, tipping it over.  “The dog who eats everything won't eat it.” “Yeah, not eating it.  On that note,” Kazuo slapped the table, “We’ll be back before you know it with more disasters.  Bye!” “Goodbye!”

“God help us,” Ian muttered, on hold with the pizza place.

[thornsinwinter]

This was such a cute premise and it's been awhile since I've written anything with my OC.

Alder stared at the massive clawed paws sticking out from beneath the ornate four poster bed and wondered, not for the first time, why theyd chosen to stay in this cursed court after everyone else had fled. The acrid stench of unwashed beast fur mixed with something that might have been rotting flowers made their nose wrinkle in disgust.

"Lord Tamlin," they said sweetly, crouching down to peer under the bed. Two glowing green eyes glared back at them from the shadows. "Lucien has requested that I assist with your... grooming needs."

A low growl rumbled from the darkness.

"Oh, don't you growl at me, you oversized house cat," the forest sprite snorted, crossing their arms as their iridescent wings fluttered with irritation. "When's the last time you bathed? Because Im fairly certain the roses in your precious garden are wilting from the smell alone."

The growl grew louder, but Tamlin's massive form shuffled deeper under the bed. Alder caught a glimpse of matted golden fur and what looked suspiciously like twigs stuck in his mane.

"Right. So we're doing this the hard way." Alder stood and dusted off their knees, already formulating a plan. They'd dealt with Tamlin's dramatics for decades, a little beast transformation wasn't going to intimidate them.

They marched to the bathroom and began running water in the enormous marble tub, adding generous amounts of lavender soap that would cut through the worst of the grime. The sound of rushing water echoed through the bedroom, and they heard an indignant snort from under the bed.

"You know," Alder called conversationally as they returned, "I seem to remember a certain High Lord who used to preen in front of mirrors. Fascinating how beast form has cured you of vanity but not of being a stubborn ass."

A massive paw swiped out from under the bed, claws extended. Alder hopped nimbly backward.

"Temper, temper. Though I suppose if I smelled like a wet dog that had rolled in garbage, I'd be cranky too." They tapped their chin thoughtfully. "I wonder what the Night Court would think if they could see the mighty Tamlin cowering under furniture like a scared kitten."

The growling stopped abruptly. Alder grinned – they'd found their angle.

"Oh yes, I can picture it now. 'Remember Tamlin?' they'd say. 'He used to be so proud, so dignified. Now he hides under beds and smells like a barnyard.'" Alder's voice took on a mocking lilt. "'How the mighty have fallen.'"

There was a crash as something large collided with the bed frame from underneath. Tamlin's great antlered head emerged, lips pulled back to reveal razor-sharp fangs. His mane was indeed full of debris, and his usually pristine golden fur was matted and dull.

"There's our pretty princess," Alder cooed. "Lucien will be so pleased to see you've finally decided to join the land of the living. Though 'living' might be generous, considering you smell like death."

Tamlin's nostrils flared, and he took a threatening step forward with a growl. Alder didn't budge.

"Save the intimidation for someone who hasn't seen you passed out drunk after dancing naked in their grove." They gestured toward the bathroom. "Bath. Now. Unless you'd prefer I tell the entire Court that the great Beast of Spring Court is afraid of a little water."

For a moment, Alder thought Tamlin might actually pounce. His muscles coiled, claws gouging furrows in the wooden floor. But then his shoulders sagged in defeat, and he padded reluctantly toward the bathroom with all the enthusiasm of a condemned prisoner.

"Thats what I thought," Alder muttered, following behind.

As Tamlin hesitated at the edge of the tub, Alder added with false cheerfulness, "Don't worry, my lord. I promise to scrub behind your ears extra thoroughly. After all, we can't have the Spring Court's reputation sullied by your questionable hygiene choices."

The look Tamlin shot them could have withered an entire forest, but he stepped into the tub with a resignation that was almost pitiful. Almost.

Silly Acotar Scenarios

I've been granted more free time lately which means more time to think of silly scenarios in acotar.

Lucien is back in the Spring Court and has instructed you to groom beast Tamlin. Unfortunately for you, he's hiding under the bed and doesn't want to take a bath.

Question: How are you going to convince beast Tamlin to take a bath? (he stinks).

[toonjazzy]

My fave PORTALS lyrics

Eh, why not? Might do the other albums—

DEATH:

“Death is life is death is life is death is life is…” ”My body has died but I’m still alive” ”I don’t wanna be carrying the weight on my shoulders, Death has come to me, kissed me on the cheek, gave me closure” ”Immortal by design, I’ll be meeting you here every time” ”I won’t say goodbye I’m right by your side, we’re screaming and pleading this separation ends” ”Please don’t ever worry, I know it’s morbid but we all die one day”

VOID:

“I hate who I was before” ”I fear I won’t live to see the day tomorrow, someone tell me if this is Hell” ”Bloody like a body that has died and it’s myself tangled in my own intestines!” ”My eyes are staring at me and they seem so damn unhappy”

TUNNEL VISION:

“I make them panic, it’s Satanic” “But your focus is empty” ”They always hustle for the pussy so they’ll never get it” ”Crossing my heart, I’d rather die than be the needle in your eye” ”Show me how far obsession goes”

FAERIE SOIRÉE:

”Hands are tied and miranda rights mean nothing” ”I’ll keep leaning to die in all of my dreams” ”Gather me, all of we, everyone I’ve been the boys and the girls and everyone in between”

LIGHT SHOWER:

“I was surprised to see Heaven in your eyes, I never once was treated right” ”Let’s run into another dimension”

SPIDER WEB:

“Spinning all your silk and moving all of your eight legs to build a web that’ll spread through the world” ”No one can leave once they merge” ”I wish to not be perceived” ”Better off dead than stuck in a maze, the center may seem like a gift. Once you arrive it’ll strip you of your life and you’ll wish that you never…did” ”Up all night, bound to their addiction to it. Lifeless eyes, they die in the pit of the spider web”

LEECHES:

“Slimy and superficial” ”How much blood can you draw with your claws from a flesh that’s not yours. My hands aren’t yours” ”Stop all your breathing, don’t let them see you, they don’t think too hard bout your fragile heart” ”They eat off the table that you set so you starve” ”They’ll find anyway just to make you stay right where they want you”

BATTLE OF THE LARYNX:

“Falling asleep by the arcade” ”There’s musical chairs in my teeth” ”How stupid, selfish baby!” ”But I’ll be silent til you cross the line!” ”Don’t you battle with my larynx tonight!” ”Your daddy could never bestow you while bloody they’ll tell you you’ve won”

THE CONTORTIONIST:

“Holding back my words until my face is blue” ”Got me like a bad tattoo, always under skin even when it gets removed”

MOON CYCLE:

“Baby boy you know I’m on my period!” ”Seeing red figures in his mirrors” ”It happens every time in a new season hits” ”Womb shedding any lessons making room for blessings” ”Pain like a blade on a front lawn but I don’t give a fuck cause I’m so strong!” ”I don’t gotta act, I’m etherious! I could win a fight on my period! Matter fact, right now I could build a pyramid! Ya messing with my cycle, that is dangerous!”

NYMPHOLOGY:

“A sprite or an elf you cry to then use” ”I will not suffer, cry under covers, I’m not your mother!” *Insert the entire chorous* ”I’m not crazy, I’m not wild, you’re just stupid, little child!” *The entire bridge goes here* ”Just a fairy with a knife!” ”So rare it is offensive, I think you will agree”

EVIL:

“Said it’s all in my head, all my head, whenever I spoke my truth, No! I won’t defend you to all my friends, this time I refuse!” *Entire chorus* ”Every time you tell a lie I’m praying that you choke” ”Hope you never cope, hope you slip on soap, crack your head like an egg, wanna see the yolk, you were such a hoax!”

WOMB:

“I’m undercover, as they wait for joy I cry, on a mission learn and die” ”And I know my brother, he’ll make the journey later on, conversations in the cosmos” ”And it’s all a game now but once I’m in the world it’s lost, memories gone to evolve” ”All of the planning yet I still feel unprepared, kicking, screaming cause I’m scared” ”Merging spirit, mind, and body building all my insides right to see the future right before my eyes I know what’s coming, what’s coming” ”Feeling alive the closer that I get to my life” ”Life is death is life is death is life is…”

POWDER:

“Show me the picture you paint of someone else” ”I’ve opened a million doors, you never go” ”Alert me when this shit is over”

PLUTO:

“Some of the friends that I thought were forever, I know wanna sever the ties” ”I think that it’s finally time” ”Pluto destroy me, kill me off slowly” ”Pluto transform me, turn off my lonely” ”Show me the demons I’m hiding” ”There’s nothing in this entire town for me no more” ”Once was a home is a Hell I can’t manage” ”Everything’s blurry, I don’t wanna worry, the pain from the going is rough”

MILK OF THE SIREN:

“All of our sisters were killed and abused by sword swinging men who would always accuse the worst of a woman who fights for our right to be where we belong at the front of the line” ”Tired of silence and being polite” ”Summon the sailors in town, strangle the fear of deciding which ones deserving to drown” ”Don’t feel bad when these fuckers all drown” ”Let them drown!” ”Cradle you tight like you’re back in the womb” ”Nothing wrong with a little havoc, it’s fun when shit hits the fan, so guillotine their heads by shouting, cut them off, leave waters red”

[autojektorr]

she is clearly not edible so she probably didn't go through the oven.

[bobacupcake]

Hi, I'm a guy standing by the doors of a convenient store that you frequent. It's 10pm and you're out because your wife needed Sprite and Gatorade because her tummy hurts and you'd do anything to make her life easier. Anyway I'm asking you something.

"Hey excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

You say no but I keep talking because I have a very obvious script in my head and you're messing it up so I ignore you.

" I'm not trying to bother you but I noticed your rims are dirty. I clean rims as a side hustle. It's 3 rims for $15."

" You only offer a three pack?" You say visibly confused.

" Well no I can do all four but that’s $20."

"That isn't a deal then if every rim was already $5 each, you know that right?"

"Uhh umm"

I'm stumbling. No one has ever talked to me this long.

"So do you want your rims cleaned?" I’m hopeful.

" No. it's 10pm and we're at a Dollar General. You don't have water or soap or anything."

"Uhhh ummm I can do it some other ti-"

You cut me off.

"And why don't you clean the entire car? Detail all the outside and maybe the inside? Wouldn't that be a better business model?"

" Uhhh well i-"

you cut me off again

"I have to go inside now."

You make a show of locking your car doors. You walk to the entrance and look back and I've disappeared.

You're at the drink aisle and they’re out of your wife's Gatorade that she likes. She's very picky and only likes the light blue one. They only have yellow one. You opt in for Powerade instead, she doesn't like the blue Powerade one so maybe the red one is the safest choice. She does like fruit juice so why wouldn't she like fruit punch flavor? Oh why didn't you have her write an entire essay on her opinions on sports drinks! You're kicking yourself but you grab the bottle and go to the fridges in the back to get a bottle of Sprite. They changed what the bottle looks like again. It looks like every other bottle. God damn these corporations making everything look palatable to everyone. The green bottle kicked ass. You grab the bottle and double check to make sure it's not Sprite Zero because all the bottles look the same and you've made that mistake before. Your wife pretended it was fine and took a baby sip of the soda in front of you to make you believe that it truly was okay then she put it to the side and never touched it again. You threw the full bottle away two days later when you cleaned the house.

Everything checked out so you head to the cash register, walking slowly to look at all the candy hanging in the aisle. “Maybe I should get some gummy sharks” you think but it's already 10pm and they close at 10:30pm. So it's best you just keep walking and not waste time. The lights flicker above you as you walk. You put your items on the conveyor belt and the cashier asks

"Did you find everything okay?"

What? How? It's the same man from outside but he's wearing different clothes and he's smiling so big it looks like it hurts.

"Um yeah I did thanks." You say as calmly as you can. 

You pay with your card but the machine isn't processing it.

"Push the card in more" he says.

"Okay yeah."

It works and the payment goes through. You walk fast to your car and get in and drive home. You’re shaken. You wish that your home was farther from that place than it was. You realize it's an easily walkable distance to your home. Something I could easily walk and find your car and its dirty rims. You almost run a red light.

You make it home and it feels nice outside. Feels nicer here than it did there? It's only a 3 minute drive apart. How is that possible? You walk inside and give your wife her drinks. It's clear you made the wrong decision by getting the Powerade. But she drinks the sprite. You take off your shoes and put on pajamas. You don't sleep that night. You think about me and my terrible business I'm running.

The next morning you go outside to clean your rims. They are indeed dirty and maybe I had a point when I said they needed to be cleaned. You make your pathetic little soap mixture and sit down to get to work. With soapy rag in hand, you see a little smiley face etched out of the dirt on your driver front rim. You spend too much time scrubbing away the dirt. After an hour, you get up tired and wet and think "maybe that was worth $20"

m;y wife doesnt drink soda

[harveywritings92]

[Kamen rider au, the base’s name is the Crows nest.]

R/n, finds Soap tapping away at her base’s computer: What are you doing?

Soap: I’m running a manual diagnostic on Crow’s Nest’s security mainframe, I noticed it was running kind of wobbly so I wanna make sure there weren’t any problems with the firewall, while that’s defragging, I’m working on a program to help expand the range on the Deadmite Detection system, so you can find those F-ckers faster. Oh, I’ll also be installing a VPN program. So it’ll be a bit harder anyone trace the signal back to us when listening on local and outsourced comms.....(R/n stares at him blankly.) 

Soap: Ye have no bloody idea what I’m saying do ya?   

R/n: No, But I trust you Johnny so I’ll leave you to it. By the way what do you want from MacDonald's?

Soap: Chicken nuggets and Sprite.

[interruptingkau]

Hi, I'm a guy standing by the doors of a convenient store that you frequent. It's 10pm and you're out because your wife needed Sprite and Gatorade because her tummy hurts and you'd do anything to make her life easier. Anyway I'm asking you something.

"Hey excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

You say no but I keep talking because I have a very obvious script in my head and you're messing it up so I ignore you.

" I'm not trying to bother you but I noticed your rims are dirty. I clean rims as a side hustle. It's 3 rims for $15."

" You only offer a three pack?" You say visibly confused.

" Well no I can do all four but that’s $20."

"That isn't a deal then if every rim was already $5 each, you know that right?"

"Uhh umm"

I'm stumbling. No one has ever talked to me this long.

"So do you want your rims cleaned?" I’m hopeful.

" No. it's 10pm and we're at a Dollar General. You don't have water or soap or anything."

"Uhhh ummm I can do it some other ti-"

You cut me off.

"And why don't you clean the entire car? Detail all the outside and maybe the inside? Wouldn't that be a better business model?"

" Uhhh well i-"

you cut me off again

"I have to go inside now."

You make a show of locking your car doors. You walk to the entrance and look back and I've disappeared.

You're at the drink aisle and they’re out of your wife's Gatorade that she likes. She's very picky and only likes the light blue one. They only have yellow one. You opt in for Powerade instead, she doesn't like the blue Powerade one so maybe the red one is the safest choice. She does like fruit juice so why wouldn't she like fruit punch flavor? Oh why didn't you have her write an entire essay on her opinions on sports drinks! You're kicking yourself but you grab the bottle and go to the fridges in the back to get a bottle of Sprite. They changed what the bottle looks like again. It looks like every other bottle. God damn these corporations making everything look palatable to everyone. The green bottle kicked ass. You grab the bottle and double check to make sure it's not Sprite Zero because all the bottles look the same and you've made that mistake before. Your wife pretended it was fine and took a baby sip of the soda in front of you to make you believe that it truly was okay then she put it to the side and never touched it again. You threw the full bottle away two days later when you cleaned the house.

Everything checked out so you head to the cash register, walking slowly to look at all the candy hanging in the aisle. “Maybe I should get some gummy sharks” you think but it's already 10pm and they close at 10:30pm. So it's best you just keep walking and not waste time. The lights flicker above you as you walk. You put your items on the conveyor belt and the cashier asks

"Did you find everything okay?"

What? How? It's the same man from outside but he's wearing different clothes and he's smiling so big it looks like it hurts.

"Um yeah I did thanks." You say as calmly as you can. 

You pay with your card but the machine isn't processing it.

"Push the card in more" he says.

"Okay yeah."

It works and the payment goes through. You walk fast to your car and get in and drive home. You’re shaken. You wish that your home was farther from that place than it was. You realize it's an easily walkable distance to your home. Something I could easily walk and find your car and its dirty rims. You almost run a red light.

You make it home and it feels nice outside. Feels nicer here than it did there? It's only a 3 minute drive apart. How is that possible? You walk inside and give your wife her drinks. It's clear you made the wrong decision by getting the Powerade. But she drinks the sprite. You take off your shoes and put on pajamas. You don't sleep that night. You think about me and my terrible business I'm running.

The next morning you go outside to clean your rims. They are indeed dirty and maybe I had a point when I said they needed to be cleaned. You make your pathetic little soap mixture and sit down to get to work. With soapy rag in hand, you see a little smiley face etched out of the dirt on your driver front rim. You spend too much time scrubbing away the dirt. After an hour, you get up tired and wet and think "maybe that was worth $20"

Are you the same person who's been sending me scripts.....why can't I find this anywhere Did you write this?

[mo0l]

Hi, I'm a guy standing by the doors of a convenient store that you frequent. It's 10pm and you're out because your wife needed Sprite and Gatorade because her tummy hurts and you'd do anything to make her life easier. Anyway I'm asking you something.

"Hey excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

You say no but I keep talking because I have a very obvious script in my head and you're messing it up so I ignore you.

" I'm not trying to bother you but I noticed your rims are dirty. I clean rims as a side hustle. It's 3 rims for $15."

" You only offer a three pack?" You say visibly confused.

" Well no I can do all four but that’s $20."

"That isn't a deal then if every rim was already $5 each, you know that right?"

"Uhh umm"

I'm stumbling. No one has ever talked to me this long.

"So do you want your rims cleaned?" I’m hopeful.

" No. it's 10pm and we're at a Dollar General. You don't have water or soap or anything."

"Uhhh ummm I can do it some other ti-"

You cut me off.

"And why don't you clean the entire car? Detail all the outside and maybe the inside? Wouldn't that be a better business model?"

" Uhhh well i-"

you cut me off again

"I have to go inside now."

You make a show of locking your car doors. You walk to the entrance and look back and I've disappeared.

You're at the drink aisle and they’re out of your wife's Gatorade that she likes. She's very picky and only likes the light blue one. They only have yellow one. You opt in for Powerade instead, she doesn't like the blue Powerade one so maybe the red one is the safest choice. She does like fruit juice so why wouldn't she like fruit punch flavor? Oh why didn't you have her write an entire essay on her opinions on sports drinks! You're kicking yourself but you grab the bottle and go to the fridges in the back to get a bottle of Sprite. They changed what the bottle looks like again. It looks like every other bottle. God damn these corporations making everything look palatable to everyone. The green bottle kicked ass. You grab the bottle and double check to make sure it's not Sprite Zero because all the bottles look the same and you've made that mistake before. Your wife pretended it was fine and took a baby sip of the soda in front of you to make you believe that it truly was okay then she put it to the side and never touched it again. You threw the full bottle away two days later when you cleaned the house.

Everything checked out so you head to the cash register, walking slowly to look at all the candy hanging in the aisle. “Maybe I should get some gummy sharks” you think but it's already 10pm and they close at 10:30pm. So it's best you just keep walking and not waste time. The lights flicker above you as you walk. You put your items on the conveyor belt and the cashier asks

"Did you find everything okay?"

What? How? It's the same man from outside but he's wearing different clothes and he's smiling so big it looks like it hurts.

"Um yeah I did thanks." You say as calmly as you can. 

You pay with your card but the machine isn't processing it.

"Push the card in more" he says.

"Okay yeah."

It works and the payment goes through. You walk fast to your car and get in and drive home. You’re shaken. You wish that your home was farther from that place than it was. You realize it's an easily walkable distance to your home. Something I could easily walk and find your car and its dirty rims. You almost run a red light.

You make it home and it feels nice outside. Feels nicer here than it did there? It's only a 3 minute drive apart. How is that possible? You walk inside and give your wife her drinks. It's clear you made the wrong decision by getting the Powerade. But she drinks the sprite. You take off your shoes and put on pajamas. You don't sleep that night. You think about me and my terrible business I'm running.

The next morning you go outside to clean your rims. They are indeed dirty and maybe I had a point when I said they needed to be cleaned. You make your pathetic little soap mixture and sit down to get to work. With soapy rag in hand, you see a little smiley face etched out of the dirt on your driver front rim. You spend too much time scrubbing away the dirt. After an hour, you get up tired and wet and think "maybe that was worth $20"

anon i love you you can clean my rims anytime 😳

[queenofallimagines]

Idk if this counts as a specific request but I love your wash day with the brothers post and I would like to request wash day with the side characters? Or any of them you feel like doing <3

My boys🥺 left out Luke bc idk what to write for him Lmao

Simon:

- father I have sinned

- No bc why is he so fine?

- God knew what he was doing when he dressed them Ángels like that😡

- But he(somehow) has 3b hair

- When he hears you washing your hair he’s immediately jumping in to help

- The type to check the ingredients on every bottle to make sure they’re not bad

- He’s secretly shady and you cannot convince me otherwise

- “Your hair feels a little dry so you want to borrow my leave in?”

- Definitely the “bless your heart” type

- Grabs the shower caps bc he will make you deep condition

- “5 more minutes”

- Amazing at getting all the soap out and massaging your scalp

- You be wanting to fall asleep

- Heats the oil to the perfect temperature

- Can’t really part and section that good but he does get your whole scalp

- He loves Bantu knot outs

- Like he’ll put your hair in some knots and slip it into your bonnet

- Like things that are convenient

- That’s not to say he won’t body some braids

- Let’s you borrow his hair pins and clips

- He has like 40 combs bc he looses them all in his drawers

- 10 rat tails just laying around purgatory hall

- Buys you cute angel wing hair clips to wear

- Drys your hair with a T-shirt

- When you sleepover he puts silk pillowcases on the bed

- Has a bonnet in his room in case you forgot yours

- Will bug you about your hair 24/7

- “Did you moisturize today?”

- “Are you using rubber bands to keep your hair up🤢”

- “Borrow my coconut oil”

Diavolo:

- BABY

- my himbo husband

- He is literally so baby(put a baby in me tho)

- But he has no idea what he’s doing at all

- But being starved of basic genuine connections and loving touch he’s super excited to help when you ask

- You gotta run his through what every product do

- “What’s grease?”

- “Why do you deep condition?”

- Barbatos helps him with everything so he don’t know that much

- Likes that you can do your own hair

- Mx. independent

- In the bath he will put so much soap in your hair

- Got a bubble Afro

- Pours a bucket of water over your head to wash it off like mulan

- Can’t choose a favorite hairstyle just like anything that makes you look elegant

- Anything he can drape in gold to show your royalty

- Kisses your scalp throughout the whole thing

- He’s so touch and affectionate

- “……🥺 I love you”

- Combs your hair super gentle doesn’t want to hurt you at all

- Takes his time on the knots

- He will detangle super meticulously

- He has more patience than you

- He can do the hell out of a blowout

- He can’t do a wash n go to save his life

- It always ends up frizzy

- He likes to do flat twists

- Will buy you so many cool hair wraps

- Bonnet with actual gold in the threads

- “Thank you for trusting me with something so intimate”

Barbatos:

- he be having me act tf up

- Ik he’s super kinky but he’s also really cute

- Cute and dangerous

- You see his dance battle sprites?

- Yeah I’m gunna ride him until my legs broken

- I digress, he’s diavolo butler

- He is perfect at anything

- Super good at the whole routine so every style turns out perfect

- He can cornrow your whole head in like 45 mins

- No matter how much hair you got

- Detangles your hair with so much care

- He’s looking at you so lovingly while holding your head

- Kisses your forehead

- “You look absolutely stunning”

- Wraps your head in a scarf to dry and puts your bonnet on top

- Favorite style is leaving it out

- Like just throw some curling gel in there and your good

- Loves how it looks

- Gives you tea while he’s combining your hair

- Keeps all your products in one drawer

- Makes sure your bonnet stays ON all night

- He’s probably a super light sleeper so if you move an inch he’s awake

- Uses super good smelling shampoo on your hair

- He a freak so he like to pull your hair

- Very conscious about where he’s grabbing

- Blows your back out and puts your bonnet on

- The type to leave the deep conditioner in there for 6 hours

- Always surprised by how soft your hair gets

- Let’s you touch his hair whenever you want

- He’s subtlety flirtatious

- Like he will come up behind you when nobody is paying attention and whisper shit in your ear that leaves your knees weak

- Then walk away to go do his job

- Sir, bring your ass back here and finish the job

- Makes sure you never run out of product

Solomon:

- I love this shady bitch

- He’s literally the personification of “what that got to do with me?”

- His duck around and find out attitude was a great

- Super kinky

- Probably has you do your hair while your cockwarming him bc you can’t focus

- “Cmon you still have to oil your scalp”

- He’s mischievous but he won’t mess up your hair ever

- “Hey you got that conditioner left?”

- “Is that why it’s all gone?”

- Uses all your products and forgets to replace them

- “I literally bought this last week and I know damn well I didn’t use all this shea butter in a week”

- “….. damn that’s crazy”

- Will wear your head scarves when your not home

- “Take that off”

- “Im a Material gworl✨

- Uses anti humidity spells on your hair

- This man stays at the ready

- He got an umbrella everywhere y’all go

- “Put your hair wrap on, I’m gon blow your back out”

- He will literally fuck you stupid and then out your hair up

- So thoughtful

- Wants to roast you but he don’t be taking care of his own hair

- “Why your hair looking frizzy”

- “Bitch you probably got lice ,humble yourself”

- All of the hol laughing at that

- Ayo, lice boy”

- Picks out movies to watch while you twisting your hair

- He’s a hype man tho

- “ladies and gentlemen, them✨”

- “Real hotgirl shit”

- Will probably play Megan thee stallion lmao

- He is for the streets and you know it

[mistress-light]

Hi, I'm a guy standing by the doors of a convenient store that you frequent. It's 10pm and you're out because your wife needed Sprite and Gatorade because her tummy hurts and you'd do anything to make her life easier. Anyway I'm asking you something.

"Hey excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

You say no but I keep talking because I have a very obvious script in my head and you're messing it up so I ignore you.

" I'm not trying to bother you but I noticed your rims are dirty. I clean rims as a side hustle. It's 3 rims for $15."

" You only offer a three pack?" You say visibly confused.

" Well no I can do all four but that’s $20."

"That isn't a deal then if every rim was already $5 each, you know that right?"

"Uhh umm"

I'm stumbling. No one has ever talked to me this long.

"So do you want your rims cleaned?" I’m hopeful.

" No. it's 10pm and we're at a Dollar General. You don't have water or soap or anything."

"Uhhh ummm I can do it some other ti-"

You cut me off.

"And why don't you clean the entire car? Detail all the outside and maybe the inside? Wouldn't that be a better business model?"

" Uhhh well i-"

you cut me off again

"I have to go inside now."

You make a show of locking your car doors. You walk to the entrance and look back and I've disappeared.

You're at the drink aisle and they’re out of your wife's Gatorade that she likes. She's very picky and only likes the light blue one. They only have yellow one. You opt in for Powerade instead, she doesn't like the blue Powerade one so maybe the red one is the safest choice. She does like fruit juice so why wouldn't she like fruit punch flavor? Oh why didn't you have her write an entire essay on her opinions on sports drinks! You're kicking yourself but you grab the bottle and go to the fridges in the back to get a bottle of Sprite. They changed what the bottle looks like again. It looks like every other bottle. God damn these corporations making everything look palatable to everyone. The green bottle kicked ass. You grab the bottle and double check to make sure it's not Sprite Zero because all the bottles look the same and you've made that mistake before. Your wife pretended it was fine and took a baby sip of the soda in front of you to make you believe that it truly was okay then she put it to the side and never touched it again. You threw the full bottle away two days later when you cleaned the house.

Everything checked out so you head to the cash register, walking slowly to look at all the candy hanging in the aisle. “Maybe I should get some gummy sharks” you think but it's already 10pm and they close at 10:30pm. So it's best you just keep walking and not waste time. The lights flicker above you as you walk. You put your items on the conveyor belt and the cashier asks

"Did you find everything okay?"

What? How? It's the same man from outside but he's wearing different clothes and he's smiling so big it looks like it hurts.

"Um yeah I did thanks." You say as calmly as you can. 

You pay with your card but the machine isn't processing it.

"Push the card in more" he says.

"Okay yeah."

It works and the payment goes through. You walk fast to your car and get in and drive home. You’re shaken. You wish that your home was farther from that place than it was. You realize it's an easily walkable distance to your home. Something I could easily walk and find your car and its dirty rims. You almost run a red light.

You make it home and it feels nice outside. Feels nicer here than it did there? It's only a 3 minute drive apart. How is that possible? You walk inside and give your wife her drinks. It's clear you made the wrong decision by getting the Powerade. But she drinks the sprite. You take off your shoes and put on pajamas. You don't sleep that night. You think about me and my terrible business I'm running.

The next morning you go outside to clean your rims. They are indeed dirty and maybe I had a point when I said they needed to be cleaned. You make your pathetic little soap mixture and sit down to get to work. With soapy rag in hand, you see a little smiley face etched out of the dirt on your driver front rim. You spend too much time scrubbing away the dirt. After an hour, you get up tired and wet and think "maybe that was worth $20"

[earlgreydream]

new york.

| draco malfoy x reader | fluff |

cw: a bit of soft smut, swearing

“Come on, Draco,” you grabbed his hand, pulling him through the streets of New York. His eyes were wide, and he marveled at everything.

Before dating you, Draco had stayed in the wizard world, barely leaving London. He kept within places of magic, and had never really seen muggle life.

Now, the two of you were eighteen, and you’d managed to free him from a summer at Malfoy Manor. He’d agreed to go to America with you for the summer, though he was extremely hesitant to spend a summer in the muggle world.

“New York IS magical!” You had insisted to Draco, and he gave in once he realized how happy it would make you. And secretly, he was curious to see where you had grown up.

Oh, and that you had braved your entire Christmas break at Malfoy Manor, under the scrutiny of Lucius, who was incredibly unfriendly and unwelcoming to his son’s mudblood girlfriend.

“We’re staying in my apartment. It’ll be just us, Draco. You don’t need to worry about impressing anyone,” you had promised your anxious boyfriend.

Now, Draco’s silver eyes couldn’t take in all of Times Square. He looked like a startled child, and you giggled at his wide eyes.

“This is crazy, Y/N, everything is all lit up-” Draco gaped at the signs. You walked slower, keeping in time with him as he took it all in. Your hand held onto his arm, keeping you together as you navigated the busy square. 

You looked up at the sky, dark clouds hanging heavy overhead. Thunder boomed in the distance, just over the sound of the street. 

“It’s going to rain. Time for an indoor activity,” you broke Draco from his trance, and the two of you made it to a small staircase outside of a building. Draco hesitated, and you dragged him down into the underbelly of the city, into a lounge you frequented whenever you were in the city. 

You were greeted by buzzing neon lights, printed carpet, and arcade machines. Everything was retro, looking like you’d stepped into the 80s. You ordered soda before pulling your boyfriend to an arcade game. He looked unsure, and you grinned at him, setting your things down. 

“What is this?” Draco asked, looking around curiously.

“This is an arcade. We play these games, I’ll show you.” You put a coin in the slot of the machine and showed Draco how to play Pac-Man.

“Want to try?” You asked, moving over to let him try after you finished demonstrating. He nodded, gingerly pressing the buttons. A frown knitted on his face as he struggled, not doing near as well as you.

“Can I try again?!”

“Sure, babe.” You slipped another coin in the slot, and he attempted a second time, still barely making any points.

“Draco, it’s just a game, relax,” you smoothed yourself hands down his arms as he tensed up with frustration. It was taking all of your strength not to laugh at him as he fought with the game.

“I can’t even win against a bloody muggle contraption-” Draco huffed and a couple teenagers turned their heads.

“It’s alright, they’re hard. Some take practice. Let’s try another one.” You sipped on your sprite, giving Draco a quick kiss to calm him down. He hummed softly and followed you to a different game. Thankfully, he was slightly better at the second one, and his bad mood faded with your encouragement.

You spent the entire afternoon there, eventually swapping arcade games to bowl in the alley at the back. You knew Draco was using magic, because he striked every time. You rolled your eyes as onlookers stared in awe, and he grinned at you with a wink.

“It’s not fun if you cheat.” You told him, and he kissed you.

“No, but I’ll play fair next round.” You let him, knowing he wanted to redeem himself of being embarrassingly shit at the games.

You had only dropped your bags at your apartment, but the two of you had been out since your flight landed this morning. You were starting to get tired, and you could sense Draco was too.

“I’m starving, and the rain has let up. Want to get something to eat?” You asked Draco, and he nodded, holding out his hand for you to take. You grinned and intertwined your fingers, walking out to the damp street with him.

“Come on, there’s a great deep dish pizza place closer to my apartment.” You led him into the subway, and his arm wrapped around your waist protectively as you waited for your train. His chest was pressed to your back, his grip on you secure.

“We’re safe.” You rubbed his arm that was under your ribs, but he didn’t relax. You rode the train downtown a bit, before getting off in lower manhattan.

“It’s just up here.” You told him, tightening your jacket as the night got colder. The two of you walked half a block into a New York deep dish pizza parlor, and Draco smiled at the delicious smell as you entered.

“Two,” you said to the waiter, and he sat you down at a booth in the corner. Draco’s hand rested on your knee, and the two of you ordered their restaurant original pizza, sipping on ginger beer as you waited.

“This is your New York?”

You hummed, nodding in response. He kissed your cheek sweetly, openly affectionate with you in the public setting.

“Tomorrow we’ll go to the MET so you can see the art,” you said, reaching up to brush a stray piece of hair from his face. He leaned down and kissed you softly, one of his arms around your shoulders as the two of you sat on the same side of the table.

“I’m excited.”

“Me too, it will be fun!” You agreed. You turned as the waiter set down the pizza in front of the two of you, and Draco’s eyebrows shot up.

“This is huge, Y/N!”

The waiter smiled and left you alone, and you sliced off a piece, handing it to him before serving yourself.

“We’ll put the leftovers in the fridge at home. Try it. You’ll like it, I promise.” You encouraged him, and he did so with excitement.

“Oh my gods, this is so good!” He exclaimed, making you giggle.

“New York isn’t half bad, is it?”

He shook his head, silver eyes shining. You enjoyed your pizza, watching people walk by out the window. Draco had already expressed his anxiety over not only the amount of traffic in New York, but also of the cars driving on the wrong side of the street. You giggled at his disdain for the incessant honking, used to the quiet serenity of Malfoy Manor.

You were yawning by the time you walked the last three blocks to your apartment, Draco’s hand on your lower back as you slid your key into the lock. You let yourselves in, kicking off your shoes and losing your jackets in the hall. Draco took his time looking at your apartment now that you had time, and you let him wander as you put your extra pizza in the fridge.

You watched him run his fingers over your books and look at plants and various things of yours that were set around. You leaned in the doorway, unnoticed by him, observing him peek into your life. He picked up a small stuffed bunny off of your bookshelf, an endearing smile on his face as he carefully set it back down.

“I love your room,” Draco said when you stepped in, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting against his back.

“Thank you.”

“Let’s wash the city off,” you said, tossing your jeans into the bin, stripping off the rest of your clothes as he watched, following suit.

You giggled as he chased you into the bathroom, lightly tickling your sides. You turned on the shower, stepping under hot water and pulling your boyfriend in with you. He kissed you deeply, water running over your bodies. He squeezed soap onto his hands and began to glide them over your skin, squeezing your ass in the process. He definitely spent extra time on your chest, and you did the same to him, washing him up. Your giggles echoed in the shower chamber, and Draco left hot kisses over your neck, shoulder, and chest.

Draco lifted you onto the wide tile shelf, kissing you deeply, his tongue invading your mouth. Your fingers tangled into his wet hair, and you spread your legs for him to stand between.

A loud moan escaped you as he slowly entered you, a slight discomfort forming as a result of your lack of regular sex at the castle.

“Please— fuck— move,” you begged Draco, dragging your nails up his back.

He obliged happily, fucking you slowly, careful not to be too rough. Your chest was heaving, your body on fire against the cold tile of the shower, everything slick and steamy. Draco’s mouth moved along your neck and jaw, and your head was spinning as his hips repeatedly met yours.

“Need to feel you come around me, love,” Draco murmured, tweaking your nipples lightly, drawing a squeal from you.

“I’m close, just, a little faster,” you panted, gripping his shoulders. Within minutes you were coming undone, and you wouldn’t collapsed if it wasn’t for the shelf holding most of your weight. You felt Draco’s orgasm follow, leaving you both lightheaded and airy.

“Give me a minute before I can stand up.” You laughed, holding onto his arm to steady you.

The two of you finished getting clean, and you dried off before going to your bed. Your head rested on his chest, fingers tracing shapes over his milky skin until you fell asleep.

You woke up the next morning to soft noises in the kitchen. You got up and pulled Draco’s t shirt over your head, walking out to the kitchen to find Draco struggling.

“I was going to bring you some tea in bed but I can’t find the kettle.” He complained, and you giggled, shaking your head.

“What? Why’re you laughing at me?” He demanded, and you held his cheeks and kissed him.

“Hand me two cups, Malfoy.” You ordered, using his last name. His nose scrunched up, and he bit back the urge to complain about how you addressed him.

He obeyed you, and you filled the cups with filtered water, and put them in the microwave.

“You’re joking-” he started, and you cut him off with another kiss.

“We’re in america, sweetheart. I haven’t got a kettle.”

He was disturbed by your lack of kettle, but he trusted you to make good tea, and he didn’t want to upset you by judging your American ways. The term mudblood pricked into the back of his mind, instilled by his horrid father. He pushed the thought away, and wrapped his arms around you. He didn’t speak, but he hugged you tightly, and you rested against him.

“I love you,” his voice was full of such urgency, you didn’t know what had crossed his mind that made him feel the need to hold you so tightly and remind you of his affection.

“I love you too, Draco.” You touched his face gently, looking into his eyes.

You broke away to drop tea bags into your now-hot water. You put a bit of cream in Draco’s how he preferred it, and he kissed your cheek, pulling the two of you back to bed with your tea.

“We can get ready after this.” You decided, enjoying the warmth of your bed. Draco loved your tea, and he finished his more quickly than you. He traced the flowers printed on the duvet, listening to you talk about the museum you were taking him to.

He was enjoying the city so far, even though the noise had kept him up. He got dressed and admired you in a little white sundress. You spun around for him, and he kissed your lips, catching you and pulling you into him.

He couldn’t keep off of you now that the two of you had space. You’d graduated, and you were free. You could openly be loving without the judgement of teachers or other students, and no one was around that Draco had to protect his reputation from. 

He was always kissing you, holding your hand, or letting his hand rest on your knee now that you were away from judgemental gazes. He enjoyed just being with you. Draco was much more relaxed away from his family and aristocratic peers, and your life together in America was coming a solid reality.

Draco’s thumb brushed over the back of your hand as the two of you ascended the steps up to the MET. You turned, grinning at him in the sunshine, and you pushed up on your toes, kissing him sweetly. 

“I love you!” Draco announced when you dropped back down from kissing him, and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I love you too, Draco.” 

He let you pull him inside, and the two of you spent the entire day wandering through the endless rooms in the art museum, admiring the paintings, drawings, sculptures, and artifacts. 

Draco’s eyes lit up at the sketches of the dancers, he studied them for a long time. 

“I think I’d like to try art.” Draco informed you, and you looked up at him.

“You should, I think you’d be good at it.” You spoke encouragingly, and he smiled down at you.

“Do you mean that?” 

“I do.” You rubbed his arm and kissed his shoulder. 

“Come on, I want to see the impressionists. That’s my favorite part of this place.” 

He followed you, standing behind you as you admired the paintings. His arms were around your waist, and his head rested on your shoulder as he looked at the paintings with you. 

You stayed at the museum until it closed, going home and eating the leftover pizza on the balcony. You handed Draco a sketchbook you had, and some pens, earning a smile.

“I can use them?”

“Of course.” You nodded, and he began to sketch you, sitting there. You listened to the cars below, and happy people singing in an apartment above yours. His sketch was beautiful, and you smiled at him dreamily.

[theforesteyemuseum]

Hi, I'm a guy standing by the doors of a convenient store that you frequent. It's 10pm and you're out because your wife needed sprite and Gatorade because her tummy hurts and you'd do anything to make her life easier. Anyway I'm asking you something.

"Hey excuse me, can I ask you a question?"

You say no but I keep talking because I have a very obvious script in my head and you're messing it up so I ignore you.

" I'm not trying to bother you but I noticed your rims are dirty. I clean rims as a side hustle. It's 3 rims for $15."

" You only offer a three pack??" You say.

" Well no I can do all four but thats $20."

"That isn't a deal then if every rim was already $5 each, you know that right?"

" Uhh umm"

I'm stumbling. No one has ever talked to me this long.

"So do you want your rims cleaned?"

" No it's 10pm and we're at a dollar general. You don't have water or soap or anything."

"Uhhh ummm I can do it some other ti-"

you cut me off.

"And why don't you clean the entire car? Detail all the outside and maybe the inside? Wouldn't that be a better business model?"

" Uhhh well i-"

you cut me off again

"I have go inside now."

You make a show of locking your car doors. You walk to the door and look back and I've disappeared.

You're at the drink isle and theyre out of your wife's Gatorade that she likes. She's very picky and only likes the light blue one. They only have yellow one. You opt in for powerade instead, she doesn't like the blue one so maybe the red one is the safest choice. She does like fruit juice so why wouldn't she like fruit punch flavor? Oh why didn't you have her write an entire essay on her opinions on sports drinks! You're kicking yourself but you grab the bottle and go to the fridges in the back to get a bottle of sprite. They changed what the bottle looks like again. It looks like every other bottle. God damn these corporations making everything look palatable to everyone. The green bottle kicked ass. You grab the bottle and double check to make sure it's not sprite zero because all the bottles look the same and you've made that mistake before. Your wife pretended it was fine and took a baby sip of the soda in front of you to make you believe that it truly was okay then she put it to the side and never touched it again. You threw the full bottle away two days later when you cleaned the house.

Everything checked out so you head to the cash register, walking slow to look at all the candy hanging in the isle. Maybe I should get some gummy sharks you think but it's already 10pm and they close at 10:30pm. So it's best you just keep walking and not waste time. The lights flicker above you as you walk. You put your items on the conveyor and the cashier asks

"did you find everything okay".

What? How? It's the same man from outside but he's wearing different clothes and he's smiling so big it looks like it hurts.

"Um yeah I did thanks."

You pay with your card but the machine isnt processing it.

"push the card In more" he says.

"Okay yeah."

It works and the payment goes through. You walk fast to your car and get in and drive home. Shaken. You wish that your home was farther from that place than it was. You realize it's an easily walkable distance to your home. Something I could easily walk and find your car and it's dirty rims. You almost run a red light.

You make it home and it feels nice outside. Feels nicer here than it did there? It's only a 2 minute drive apart how is that possible? You walk inside and give your wife her drinks. It's clear you made the wrong decision by getting the Powerade. But she drinks the sprite. You take off your shoes and put on pajamas. You don't sleep that night. You think about me and my terrible business I'm running.

The next morning you go outside to clean your rims. They are indeed dirty and maybe I had a point when I said they needed to be cleaned. You make your pathetic little soap mixture and sit down to get to work. With soapy rag in hand, you see a little smiley face etched out of the dirt on your driver front rim. You spend too much time scrubbing away the dirt. You get up, tired and wet and think "maybe that was worth $20"

I'm uhhhh... I'm not sure I can offer a trade for this? What just happened to me????

Points for somehow manifesting a reality in which I ever learned how to drive.