#the useful/useless being a trigger word for both of them has been v fun to play w

[demenior]

“Just find Artagan. That’s how you can be useful.” There’s heat in Jester's voice when she responds, as if she’s offended that he’s asking her to do anything to help him. “I’ve tried! I’ve tried everything!” Fjord grabs his things, and turns to head for the door, “it sure looks like you’re trying.” “Why do I have to fix all of your mistakes?” she shouts after him, “you’re being such a dick!” Fjord rounds on her, “I’m saving us! Why do you keep making things so difficult?” Jester flinches. Fjord wants parting remarks from her. A reason to slam the door on his way out. He doesn’t expect the hitch in her breath. “Why— why do you hate me?” Jester whimpers. And then, to Fjord’s horror, she starts crying.

Read chapter 26 here

[cazzyvintage]

Just wanted to say that I really appreciate everything you write, and maybe could you write a NSFW alphabet for Laszlo? Hope you're having a good day!!

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He is just the sweetest! He will be checking to make sure you are okay, that you feel satisfied, and then he would be so loving. Whispering words of kindness to you about how amazing you were. He would try his best to help clear you up as well and then hold you in his arm as you fall asleep.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Boobs. He loves your chest and he loves to rest his head on them during the day and then during sex smother his head in them, kiss them etc. He just can't get enough of them. He finds everything about your body beautiful but those he just adores.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

As contraceptives were very rare for that time if you didn't want to get pregnant he would have to pull out (please guys don't think that pulling out is a good way to prevent pregnancy it isn't) he enjoys seeing his cun fall on your body, dripping down you. It does however excite him to no end when you do let him cum inside you and then he sees it dripping out of you, showing how you were his.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has masturbated to you. He's ashamed of it because it isn't gentleman like. Gentlemen should be able to resist their urges, wait until marriage but he just can't help it. You are so beautiful and because of his arm, he doesn't think he'll ever be able to be with you so he resorts to that instead.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He is not experienced at all. You would be his first time. He knows what he is doing though... roughly. He's read many books about it, he knows the inner workings of a man and a woman, he knows where all the best spots are for you, he knows exactly what to do to bring you the most pleasure but he doesn't have the practical experience and reading from a book is quite different than to put it in practice and therefore he would feel quite awkward at first.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Having you on top, riding him. Any position where you are on top he loves. He feels a bit guilty as he doesn't want you doing all the work but he loves being able to look up at you, see your boobs bounce, and in this position, he can make his deformed arm at least hold onto your leg whereas other positions his arm is basically useless.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's very serious, he's a romantic at heart and therefore it would be a romantic experience for both of you so there isn't much space for humour. If something accidentally goes wrong such as clothes getting stuck on you or something he wouldn't laugh it off but start panicking.

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes pride in his appearance, his bread is always well-groomed and he tries to keep down below well groomed as well but it's harder for him with really only one hand of use. As for overall body hair, he has some on his chest, arms and legs but it isn't a lot.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He tries to make the moment so romantic because he wants to show just how much he loves and adores you. He'll be whispering lots of compliments to you, stroking and touching you all over. He might even try to make the scene romantic by bringing some wine to the bedroom.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

As mentioned before in D he does masturbate but he feels guilty about it afterwards, but he can't stop when he sees you about and he thinks he can't have you. After you two start courting though he doesn't as why masturbate when he can have you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Something we have discussed on my blog before in headcanons and what I will eventually make into a one-shot is that Laszlo has a mummy kink. The books already confirmed for us that he has mummy issues so it isn't a far stretch. He loves being praised and being called a good boy. He wants to do anything to please you and make you feel good so that you might reward him. He loves your breasts and he loves to suck on them, it brings him a sense of comfort as he does so. And of course, he loves to refer to you as mummy.

He also loves being told what to do. He gets so anxious and worried, doubting himself and that can affect him in the bedroom so when you take over and start telling him what to do, what you like he will instantly do just that and love surrending his power over to you for you to order him to do whatever you want him to

L = Location (favourite places to do the do)

Bedroom. He's a traditional guy, times like that are saved for the bedroom. It is after all the most comfortable place for both of you. However... if the urge comes over you two at the institute, and it's a big need, he doesn't mind pushing you onto his desk in his office, having you sit on it so that you two are facing each other as you go at it

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly, he loves you so much and has been deprived of touch for such a long time that you could the simplest of things and he would instantly be turned on. But somethings that really get him going is if you win in a debate about something, like for example the correct quote from one of Shakespeare's plays, your intelligence really turns him on especially when you use it against him or prove it to him that you know something better than him. Referring to him as stuff as well like 'good boy' while making him become really flustered makes him so turned on.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Degradation, he loves you so much he couldn't cope with being rude or insulting you, even if that's what you wanted, he would feel so bad about it. He also doesn't like slapping or spanking you, not only does it trigger memories of his childhood he doesn't want to hurt you like that, even if it was for your pleasure.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves giving oral, he has studied female autonomy so he knows exactly what goes on down there and where everything is, he knows how best to stimulate you and get you quivering to his tongue and his fingers. He loves to please you and he finds it easier than traditional sex because of his arm. He does enjoy receiving oral as well but he would never ask you for it. Only if you bring it up would it ever happen. He likes running his fingers through your hair though as you go down on him, as even with his deformed arm he can gently put his fingers in your hair and move your head gently.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

For the most part, they are slow and sensual, he wants to treasure the moment and savour it so he likes to take his time to feel all of you, experience all of you, but when he gets in one of his moods sometimes he really needs a fast and rough moment with you to get all of the stress and build up tension in him out, but those happen rarely as he is worried about accidentally hurting you while doing it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are also very rare, like said above he wants to take his time with you, while quickies can be fun he doesn't experience as much joy as he might when he takes things slowly. However, when you two go at it in his office they are usually quickies as you are both at risk of having someone walk into the office at any moment.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Only if you discuss what you want to do beforehand, and when I say discuss I mean have hour-long conversations about it. He needs time to prepare himself if you would like to experiment with something. And even then he might not agree with it, he doesn't practically like taking risks especially if something negative could come of it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Around twice, he has moderate stamina but it can be affected by what position he is in and what he is doing, if he is on top he might not last that long because of his arm, he finds it hard holding all his weight on just one arm when he is on top of you. But in other positions such as when you are on top, his stamina can much longer.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't own any toys but if you had any he wouldn't be opposed to using them, depending on what toys they were. Because of the time, it was harder to access such things and they were a lot less developed so he would prefer just more traditional sex without them but if you wanted to try them he would be willing.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn't like to tease you much, he might say something suggestive to you hinting at what he would like to happen tonight but that is as far as it goes for him, however, he loves it when you tease him, it makes him super flustered and stuttering on his words as his mind can only think of you and what you have said but he loves it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He actually moans and groans quite loudly, he loses himself in the feeling of being inside you that he forgets really that he is making noises, he just wants to express how you are making him feel and that comes out in the way he grunts and groans into your neck or breasts as he feels himself getting closer to his climax.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He usually likes to have sex before bed, enjoying the passion in the night, letting go of the stress gathered from the day and just relax being with you pleasuring you and himself but he also likes starting off the morning with it as well. You might wake up to find his lips already on your neck, sucking a hickey onto your neck, his fingers already tracing down your legs and edging towards your core.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He's a little on the larger size dick, but he would blush at the thought of ever bragging about it. It would certainly be enough to fill you whole and make you feel the most amount of pleasure.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Higher than he would like to admit. After spending such a long time alone thinking he would never be a woman he craves you touch almost every moment, he needs to be in you, you feel you around him, but he also doesn't want to wear you out so he tries to restrict himself but it still ends up being at least five times a week.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He tries to stay up and let you fall asleep first, truly he does, he wants to watch you sleep and just admire how perfect you are but having sex can tire him out quite a bit till he accidentally falls asleep first, and you find it adorable watching him.

TAGS: @shrekboobies @arianalilyblack @lieutenantn @neoarchipelago @cable-kenobi @edencherries @faustlyaccused @julyvegan @prestigious-tea @hannahbal-the-fannibal @xxlumos @cathana2264

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[sassaetcie]

The Ashes of the Oven : Silver x Idia as a play with Lilia as the main actor - 2

heyo it’s the second part, enjoy

                                                         Scene IV

                               One of Diasomnia main building's balconies

LILIA, aside: Ah everyone, everyone in this small area has fallen asleep again! They say ignorance is bliss, but I guess, so is sleep.  Sweet, sweet children, rest well, dream well, for your dreams may be a fragment of this poor reality, or reality may be a fragment of dreams. What an old man I am, again and forever! Is this wind cold? Warm? Lukewarm? Is my skin dreading this poor, stuck, motionless tredging wind? Or is my blood fearing for such an eternal, limited, foe? Ah! Who comes! Who may you be, student of my dorm... my fellow!

DIASOMNIA STUDENT, A, B, C OR D, MAYBE X: Oh, sir Lilia. I apologize, I heard something and thought it was... some intruder creeping toward our balconies.

LILIA: Do not worry, this is small potatoes. You can go back, there is nothing but myself here. What is your name, if I cannot recall it at all? I am an old, old, chap, after all.

DIASOMNIA STUDENT, A, B, C OR D, MAYBE X: Oh, nothing of great matter, I'll be going back to the dorm.

LILIA: Please, do, young one. But indeed, your name may not be that much of a matter. I see you are diligent, and know immediatly of your susbtance. Would it have been easier with your "name", or any word at all? I wonder, I do not think so. For these words are after all, Words. And words are words upon everything, and yet everything might as well be a lie.

DIASOMNIA STUDENT, A, B, C OR D, MAYBE X: Do you mean my name is truly worthless, in the end, sir?

LILIA: All of our names are useless in the end, young one! Would you be called "Rose" and yet be fast, talking a lot, crushing flowers, including roses? Why would you wear such a name? Isn't that a blatant lie? Look at me, Lilia Vanrouge! Is there something red in me, on this fae body? Even the compass is not a compass! It cannot lead us anywhere, it barely leads us nowhere! But pray, go and recover through slumber again, my lad. You will be exhausted tomorrow, won't you? Your poor little thing.

DIASOMNIA STUDENT, A, B, C OR D, MAYBE X: Y-yes, I'll take my leave... Good night, sir Lilia.

LILIA: Good night, child of the world.

                                                          Scene V:

                                         Night Raven College coliseum

ASHTON VARGAS: Morning, youngsters! Won't spend a lot of time asking you how went your weekend cause it would be a waste of time on your potential, and a waste of time on the developpement of your MUSCLES! We're still in a exam period, so you better prepare! No, Idia, Azul, no running away, we're just doing boring exams... Well, the magical ones! And even if we didn't, you shouldn't waste your youth like this! Muscles and exercices are important for your health and body, as well as a healthy diet and...

IDIA: Yeah, yeaaah, I know... Can we just get to the exams already...

AZUL: Indeed, we may be losing time on our youth like you said so well, Mr Vargas. Wouldn't that be sad if we were to spend more time than expected on this exam?

ASHTON: Oh. Yeah, that's true! Well, I'll let you chose your teams as long as you don't just gang up as dorms or age... I may be tough to harden you up, but I won't stand for these kind of things! If you're just beaten up, you won't get anything from it!

SEBEK: SIR, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY GANGING UP AS DORMS???

ASHTON: Well, if you chose to team up with Silver, you won't be teaming up with Lilia and Malleus, you see?

SEBEK: But! BUT!

SILVER: Sebek, just calm down... you are going to bring too much attention upon Diasomnia at this point... And if you're... you are worried about Malleus... you can still team up with him to protect him, I'll be with someone else, or maybe our old... maybe Lilia will be okay with me.

LILIA: Oh, I shall be going with someone else, young ones. Pray do not pay attention to me, Sebek, go and follow Malleus, if you will.

SEBEK: Lord Malleus!!!!! Wait for me!!! You cannot wander too much, I am sorry!!!

SILVER: So... what will you do, old man?

LILIA: I will be going with little Cater and Mr Clover. Who knows, maybe we will end up fighting you and Idia, fufufu?

SILVER: Wouldn't that make your team full of third-years students, though?

LILIA: Why, maybe. Maybe! But Trey nor Cater are as powerful as Idia, certainly, fufu. Wouldn't he be the perfect partner even there? Go and fly to him, who knows whom might end up with him otherwise. Wouldn't that be sad if he were to end up alone because people wanted to team up out of affection or strategy only, and not because of both? Although, I cannot fully blame them for that. We are, quite always young down here, or up there, aren't we?

SILVER: Mhh, yeah, you are right, I guess. It is not like I can team up with someone else while being sure they know how to act as a team, anyway... I will be going.

LILIA, aside: Well, well. I guess the story really is going as planned. How gratifying! I could really see myself as a god if it were to keep going. I wonder, I wonder, what is the good choice? The lie, the right investment? Is this compass showing the North, or the South? Is the North the North? The South the South, the south, south the? There is no such thing as a clock in our life, but this huge, or invisible Compass.

                                                         Scene VI:

ASHTON: So, everyone has formed their teams?

STUDENT(S) FROM A TO X, FROM H TO D: Yes, sir!

ASHTON: Okay, anyone to move forward? Or we gotta make the whole stuff harder and call people randomly? Come on, gather up some courage, you have nothin' to fear! Everything gonna be alright.

CATER DIAMOND: Heeho! I would like to begin, showing the way to the younger students and all, you know~!

ASHTON: Cater? Surprised but not disappointed! That's the way to go! So! Who's in your team?

CATER DIAMOND: Lilia Vanrouge and Trey Clover! Of course we won't be fighting first years, that would be really cruel and lame~!

ASHTON: Yeah, would be unfair although we shouldn't underestimate the youngsters. Someone to take up the challenge?

LILIA: Do not underestimate the young ones, indeed. Would this dear Silver tries to fight us? Since he knows me, dorms interwars could be interesting, don't you think so?

ASHTON: Can't tell, these kind of things really aren't for me! As long as you fight in the rules and all... What do you think, Silver?

SILVER: Well. I have only one partner, and I don't... do not know if Idia Shroud would be okay with fighting three people instead of two.

IDIA: I don't care... If I'm with Silver, we should be in synch enough to fight three people who don't really have a lot to do together...  

TREY: Huh? Did something happen between you two?

CATER: You really don't pay any attention, do you, Trie~?

ASHTON: Enough chatting! Everyone, get away from the arena! Time to fight and muscles to shine!

SILVER: En garde.

LILIA: Oh, no need to be so formal, young one! You will not have time to say such things in war... but it is pleasant to hear and witness such fantasy.

IDIA: Then, take that!

TREY: Come on, Idia! Why would you use tree spells when you know that we are so good with fire?

SILVER: Thanks for the smoke, here I come.

CATER: Eeeeeh! A light shot...! Don't blind me eeeeeh!

LILIA: Let me add more fumes to hide this quite too vivid light!

CATER: Ehhhh... I can't see any of y'all, now~! That's not funny... and that's unfair!

LILIA: Nothing is unfair in battle, young one. You should not have underestimated two partners, after all. Hm? What's that? Oh, oh, an ashen ground. How interesting... Our steps do not make any sound anymore... Or sound does not come anymore.

TREY: Huh oh, I feel like Idia had predicted that.

IDIA: Gyehehe! Take thaaaaaat!

CATER: Aaaaaaah!!!! MY LEGS ARE FROZEN~!!!

LILIA: I guess you had planned on making an whole quiet floor and freezing it right after. How interesting... Let me burn down these fake grounds.

SILVER: Idia, step back, wherever you are. The fumes will get worse if the old man really burns down the whole ground... concrete aside.

LILIA: Huhu, concrete aside? Wouldn't that be fun to burn down, though? I wonder what kind of toxic fumes would get out. No one can help you in this smoke, young ones!

TREY: You're getting creepy, please, stop, already. We don't want to trigger something in Idia... or anyone else...

CATER: Come and help me instead of playing the bad guy, Lilia~!! If I'm down that means I can't use our main diversion anymore!

LILIA: Why would you think I am merely playing now? I may have been tagging along all this time, come on. Someone must have fun watching us diving! Burn, slowly burn. What will these flames reveal?

SILVER: Old man, stop. I don't know what you're on, but I beg you to stop. This isn't going to end well if you keep

IDIA: Uuuh... I'm going to suffocate... I'm going to suffocate.

SILVER: LILIA! STOP!

LILIA: Aren't these red flames pretty? Look at how much they burn, they eat away the whole world. What can we build over this burned ground, I wonder?

IDIA: I'm going to suffocate. Suff.suff.suff.SUFF.SUFF.SUFF. Stop with the flames already! Fucking stop! Stop!! Just hit me with ice if you want, but no more flames, please!

CATER: Lilia, stop, come on~! This isn't funny anymore, don't mess with Idia, we don't know what he can doooo~!!!

IDIA: I should have guessed... I should have guessed that you would never agree with me being happy with Silver! Gehehe... i was so fucking naive, of course no one would like me to take away their preciouuuuus family!

TREY: The fumes are melting away... What is going on?!

CATER: Haha, I don't like this feeling of déjà-vu...

LILIA: Ahh, finally. Well, I guess I should present you Idia... once he has overblotted.

SILVER: LILIAAAAAA!

LILIA: Oh, pray, do not try to kill me, this would be useless. Won't you save your... boyfriend, is that the word I am supposed to use now?

IDIA: Huhhh... No matter how much I try... these flames just stick to my skin... Soon this won't be my skin anymore... I'm sorry, Ortho, i'm sorry... why do you have to be caged with a fucking useless and ridicule and selfish and awful and pathetic brother? I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

CATER: What do you want us to do, Lilia?! Holy fuck, I can't even tell anymore what's going, why would you do something so careless and stupid, not to say dangerous?!

LILIA: Why, to help him, of course.

CATER: Eeeeh~ You're that kind of bitch who thinks they knows everyone's pains and act as if you could heal everything without anyone's help?

LILIA: Oh, young one, I apologize. I want your help, as well as Silver's help and Trey's help. I promise everything will be alright.

TREY: I... strongly disagree with your method. I wish I could just slap you right now but now there are too many people watching. It's because of people like you that we keep having so many troubles... you're so young and yet you act like some kind of patronizing parent... But hey, better wait for the overblot to stop first. I'll slap you later. Any idea to help Idia?

LILIA: Well, Silver will be the main actor here. He is, after all, the "Prince Charming".  

[starlight-drive-in]

All My Life, for You - Ch. 9: Sons of Shame

Fandom: Mystic Messenger 

Fic Description:

Mi-Cha and Saeyoung have been happily married for 5 years and their lives have never been happier. The same could be said for Saeran who is now in a much healthier place than he was a few years ago. The twins are close once again, their lives are healthy and normal for the most part. It would seem the picture perfect happily ever after, if it weren’t for the fact that someone who has been looking for them for a long time is about to make an unwelcome appearance.

Saeyoung has two things in this world he has sworn to protect, and nothing is going to stop him from keeping his promise this time.

(Check AO3 Link for Tags)

Relationships: Saeyoung Choi/MC (named), Saeran Choi/OC

Chapter Description:

Saeyoung learns more about what's going on at his childhood home. Unknown makes a unexpected appearance, falling into his old anger and blame at Saeyoung and in turn, gains some perspective from Mi-Cha.

Notes:

I had some time off this week due to being sick (Please ignore any cold medicine induced mistakes) and was finally able to crank this baby out. Writing all the parody names for things from the game was a lot of fun. On the other hand, a lot of the chapter was very emotional to write- so heads up for mentions of childhood trauma, cursing, and familial arguments I suppose?

AO3 Link | First Chapter

Mi-Cha sits idly on the bed in the room she shares with her husband, staring at the screen of her laptop, trying to catch up on emails from clients she missed while on vacation. Try as she may each word she reads is forgotten in an instant, drowned out by her anxiety. There has to be something she can do to help her husband and brother-in-law. Something to help them all stay safe, they’re both always working so hard, it’s hard not to feel a tad useless at times like this.

Of course, if she asked them they would tell her that she was helping in just the way she had for so long. That emotional support was just as important as all their expertise in computers, or as Saeyoung’s gun training or Saeran’s ability to be neither seen nor heard, but it never felt that way to her.

She clicks another email, not even getting through the greeting line before her mind drifts again. Sometimes she forgets how much hidden discourse followed the twins, how truly controversial their existence was. But the truth was no matter how dangerous Saeyoung was, and how many times he had tried to make her realize this, no one else had ever made her feel safer. They lived in a bulletproof, undetectable-by-satellite bunker, and were armed to the teeth for god’s sake. So why was she still so damned worried? Well, the man threatening them was the Prime Minister after-all and as of right now he was looking like a top candidate for the presidency, which would make him even more powerful. It was logical to be worried at a time like this, she reasons.

But this felt different, it felt bad in a way nothing ever has to her before. She wasn’t even this scared when they went to Mint Eye all those years ago. Sure, she had a level of fear but she had a good feeling everything would work out, which had been right for the most part, at least she thinks, as a pang of guilt washes over her in V’s memory mostly, but not completely.

She was being ridiculous, the twins were practically reality’s equivalent to superheroes. Nothing had stopped them in 26 years, not even each other. With them working together? Their father didn’t stand a chance. Right?

She drops her head into her hands with a defeated sigh.

“Uh-oh.” Saeyoung’s voice pierces the silence, having just entered the room. “I know that sigh.”

Mi-Cha peaks out at him through her fingers.

“That’s my MC’s Trademark Defeated Sign of Ultimate Stress,” He says with a worried smile.

She drops her hands and looks at him with a weak smile. “I may be slightly concerned, yes”

He plops down on the bed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she sits cross-legged in the middle of their bed and nestles her against his chest.

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

She gently pushes off of him and looks him closely in the eyes, “I’m not worried about me Sae, I’m worried about you.”

“Oh.” He blinks, looking almost surprised. “You don’t have to worry about me, I’m used to this kind of stuff.”

“Saeyoung.”

“Hmm?”

“That doesn't make it any better”

“Yea, I know.”

“I’d be lost without you Sae, I-” She stops to take a breath and push back a tear “I can’t lose you. I could lose anything else in my life and I’d learn how to deal with it but I can’t lose you.” Her voice cracks at the end of her sentence as he pulls her back into him and rubs her back soothingly.

Tears pool up in his eyes but he says nothing. She’s a strong woman, the strongest he knows. He knows she’d be able to live without him if it came down to that even if she doesn’t believe that right now. He kisses the top of her head. “I love you.” He mummers in a broken voice.

“I love you too.” She pauses “Even if you do have a Superman complex”

He chuckles through the tears. “I don't have a Superman complex!”

She snorts incredulously. “Uh-huh sure, and Jumin’s poor.”

He huffs into her hair, defeated. His wife wasn’t exactly wrong.

They sit for a few minutes, relishing the closeness of each other until a short knock at their open bedroom door grabs their attention.

“Hey uh, I think I’m going to go to bed” Saeran notifies the pair “My head hurts pretty bad and I think I need to lie down for a while. Unless you need me for something?” he prompts Saeyoung.

“Nah, you head to bed bro. I’ll hold down the fort. There’s Tiaranol in the bathroom if you need it,” Saeyoung lets him know.

“Thanks, I’ll be ok,” Saeran nods before heading down the hall to his bedroom.

When she hears the bedroom door shut Mi-Cha speaks up, “So I assume that means you won’t be coming to bed?”

“Mmmmm no I’m sorry, baby.” He says getting up from his spot on the bed.

“It’s ok.” She says, trying to hide her disappointment, “Evildoers don’t exactly wait for their victims to get don’t with restful night’s sleep. Even if their wives will be left all alone in a cold bed.” She pouts playfully.

He chuckles, “But this way you get all the blankets you want!”

“Oh true.” She answers, smirking and sinking in between the covers, cuddling them up to her face. “Ok, good luck with your work!” “Hey!” He pouts.

“I’m just messing with you Sae. I love you, please stay safe while you work.” She sits back up pressing a kiss so desperate to his lips that he can feel the urgency in it. She quickly deepens it, their tongues mingling together for a brief moment before she pulls away bashfully, realizing this wasn’t exactly the time for such things. “If I even can work after that.” He says rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks as he holds her face close to his.

“I have faith in you, God Seven.” She says with one more quick peck to his lips.

He groans “You know that doesn’t make things any easier” nuzzling her nose.

“Oops.” She says, getting back under the covers.

He kisses her forehead. “Goodnight My One and Only Life’s Main Character.” She giggles, “Goodnight My Adorably Too-Cheesy-For-His-Own-Good Husband.”

He gives her one last adoring smile before leaving the room. As he rounds the corner, the smile drops completely from his face and turns into one of complete determination as he heads back to the workroom.

-----

Some people say those who talk to themselves are geniuses, others say they’re crazy. Saeyoung Choi was likely both. The hammering of his keyboard and his own voice had been his soundtrack of the night for hours now. He wonders aloud how he used to do this every day, all alone in this house all by himself without seeing anyone for weeks except Vanderwood. It hadn’t even been very long and the loneliness was already setting in.

He picks up his phone and taps his wife’s contact info on impulse “She’s sleeping, she needs her sleep. Don’t wake her up.” He tells himself as he puts his phone back down, pushing it away. “Five years and I still haven’t learned how to focus on my work without trying to call her” He smiles affectionately.

It had been so long since he pulled an all-nighter alone like this. Usually, while he was working his freelance jobs from home and she was working out of her office in the city as an event planner, they’d be messaging throughout the day. So it made sense that he would have the urge to text her while working now also.

“Damnit me, focus!” he says to himself. “I have to see if I can override the shut down on one of those cameras, whatever they’re using that place for it can’t be good.” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, recentering himself before continuing his quest.

Although proving harder than he had originally bargained for Saeyoung does eventually hack into one of the CCTV’s near his childhood home and get a feed going, all without alerting himself to whoever originally triggered the block through government portals. He presses the final key and waits for the feed to start up. Throwing himself a two-second victory party in the meantime, he finger guns at the screen and then blows of each “gun” as if he were some type of cowboy in an old western and he just won some type of duel.

As the live feed loads in, Saeyoung cringes. “Yea, that's definitely our old house,” he says to no one. Right now there are no signs of activity but in his head, he’s right there again, He remembers that street like the back of his hand. Remembers walking down it and feeling scared out his mind that someone his father sent was going to murder him as soon as he passed the corner. He remembers leaving once every few days with a shopping list in his head and a couple thousand Won he had to figure out how to stretch enough to cover everything his mother needed. Wanted he tells himself, she never needed 3 bottles of hard liquor a day. The things they really needed were never on the list, like medicine or decent food.

He remembers being shoved out that very door he can see right now in the feed accompanied by shrieks and Saeran’s cries, him begging Saeyoung not to go, followed by a loud slam. But he had to go. If he didn’t go, if he didn't get her what she wanted what would she do to him? More importantly, what would she do Saeran?

He always had to go, to protect his brother. And then he had to go for good, and that should have protected him.

Saeyoung shakes his head, not wanting to go down that path of blame right now. His brother was here now, and he was safe. Well, mostly safe. And in order to make sure he stays that way Saeyoung has to stay focused.

And so his remote stake-out began. Just him, his computer chair and a live feed of the place that had been the stage to his childhood trauma for 15 years.

He pops open a bag of Honey Buddha Chips and a Ph.D. Pepper from the mini-fridge under his desk and sits back, placing his socked feet up on his desk. “A regular ol’ party up in here!” He exclaims to no one, again. He places a chip in his mouth and mutters in between chewing, “Seriously, how did I used to live like this?!

47 minutes and 36 seconds later something catches his eye on the feed. A car pulls up, more specifically a Bercedes-Bentz S-Class (W222), A car he immediately recognizes as the same model the current president is typically transported in.

“Getting a bit ahead of yourself there aren't ya pops?” He says, saving the image of the vehicle that no doubt was ordered fully loaded, and with all the same safety and security features as the State Car.

“You wouldn't hack a car.” He says dramatically. “Oh wait! Yes, I would! Not now though, later”

He enters a search on the plate number in the meantime.

Two men get out of the front of the car and meet at the back passenger door, opening it in true royal fashion.

Saeyoung scoffs at the sight of the man who fathered him. Saejoong goes around back and opens the trunk of the car, stepping back so that his two underlings can get in there. Saeyoung can’t see around the back of the vehicle from his vantage point but from the way the two men's heads keep cresting the top of the car and then lowering again he can infer they must be unloading something or some things.

Saeyoung is so absorbed in watching the feed he doesn’t even notice someone else enter the workroom. He watches as the two men carry in a crate of bottles of something he can’t quite place.

“What a smug motherfucker.” He hears a voice say.

Saeyoung immediately jumps up from where he was sitting leisurely on his chair, his bag of chips and soda can crash unceremoniously to the floor.. “SHIT!” Saeyoung exclaims, “You scared the shit out of me, Saeran.”

The other person in the room smirks. “Try again.”

“Shit,” Saeyoung repeats quieter this time, stunned at the fact Unknown had willingly come into the room where he knew Saeyoung was. “Um, hi?”

“Look I don't want to be here as much as you don’t want me here but I have to check up on things if I want to make sure things are getting done correctly around here.”

Saeyoung can’t help but feel insulted at the insinuation but bites his tongue and tries not to upset the man. “Thanks for the warning, by the way, it was really helpful.” Unknown nods curtly before looking up at the screen, a look of disgust Saeyoung is used to being directed at him on his face, “What the fuck are they doing there?”

“We’re not sure yet,” Saeyoung says softly.

“Ugh.” Unknown groans, dispelling a trail of thought he’d rather not address as he watches the two men return from the house and pick up another crate before heading back toward the house again.

“Wait.” Unknown says urgently rushing closer to Saeyoung’s console, promptly shoving him out of the way. “Move.”

Saeyoung obeys without argument as the man occupying his brother’s body zooms in on what the men are carrying.

Saeyoung jumps and winces and Unknown slams his fist onto Saeyoung’s keyboard. “FUCK!” Unknown exclaims.

“What?!” Saeyoung asks in a hasty tone.

Unknown whirls around on him. “Are you fucking stupid?! Do you have any idea what that shit is?!”

Saeyoung balks at him, feeling pretty clueless as he shakes his head in the negative.

“That’s the Elixir of Salvation.” Unknown states.

Saeyoung’s eyes lock onto the screen again “What? H-how?!” He exclaims remembering the few stories hs brother had told him about the vile liquid.

Unknown throws his hands out wildly. “How should I know dipshit?! I haven't exactly been around to make sure the shit was gotten rid of properly.”

Saeyoung’s eyes widen at the accusation “If I remember correctly you weren’t very interested in disposing of it at all. If it was up to you, you’d probably have a bottle in the fridge right now.”

Unknown grits his teeth “Don’t turn this around on me! That shit fucked me up too! Did you ever think about that? Hmm? Sure it was great that it kept him out of the way but don’t you think for one minute that you know anything about me or what she used to do to me with that shit.” His voice becoming more hysterical.

“Saeran was right.” Saeyoung realizes.

Unknown scoffs “About what?”

“You have changed.”

“Fuck you.” Unknown spits.

Just then another voice pierces the air. “Saeyoung? S-Saeran?” Mi-Cha asks timidly, already knowing she’s wrong about the second one.

Unknown turns to look at her. “Oh hey Princess, long time no see.”

Mi-Cha ignores the pet name and looks at him pointedly “Is it true?” She asks him, approaching the two men, “Have you changed?” making it obvious she had heard them.

He sighs frustratedly in response. “Look I don’t know much about that, I don't have a lot of time to soul search as you might imagine. All I do know is that if your precious Brother-in-law touches that shit it's over for him, and if it's over for him, it's over for me. So here’s what you are going to do for me" he says, turning to Saeyoung, "You’re going to make sure he sees none of this. You’re going to make sure he has no idea the Elixir is involved and you are under no circumstances, to let him go there.” he takes another few steps towards Saeyoung, who is now backed up against the wall. "And if you do, I will be back with such a vengeance and just enough time to make sure you never see the light of day again and don't worry because I will be at death's door so I will have no issue taking you with me."

"At that point, I wouldn't try to stop you," Saeyoung says somberly. "I'd deserve it."

Mi-Cha frowns listening to the defeatist tone her husband seems to take on whenever Saeran’s alter makes an appearance.

Unknown backs off of Saeyoung "Good, so we're on the same page for once." He smirks.

“I think I get it,” Saeyoung says once he’s gained some of his personal space back.

“Do you?” Unknown questions, raising his eyebrow doubtfully.

Saeyoung nods, “You were created to keep Saeran safe during, well during everything that happened to him. You were created to protect him from the things he couldn't protect himself from and that's why you’re here now, he told me as much. I was doubtful at first but now it is obvious, I think we have a lot more in common than you think.” Saeyoung tries.

Unknown recoils as if burned, “I’m nothing like you. I saved him when you left. I kept us safe when you abandoned him. I took over to shield him from years of torture in the name of salvation the best I possibly could and you were nowhere to be found! I’m not like you, I’m much, much better.”

“That isn’t fair,” Mi-Cha interjects.

Unknown turns to her incredulously “Not fair?”

‘What happened to all of you wasn't Saeyoung’s fault.”

“Mi-Cha it’s ok” Saeyoung tries to tell her.

“No Saeyoung, it’s not ok. What happened to the two of you- the three of you. It wasn’t your fault. It was your mother’s ,and your father’s, and Rika’s, hell even V is more to blame than you were but you did the only thing you thought you could do. You thought you were protecting him, you could have never fathomed what was to come.”

She motions to Unknown now, “And you! Have you ever actually listened to his story? If the roles were reversed, how do you know Saeran wouldn't have done the same? Listen to Saeyoung, and if you can’t do that, then at least listen to Saeran because I know he’d have some choice words for you if he were here right now.”

“You don’t know what I’ve been through!” Unknown screams hysterically, not taking his eyes off her, behind him she can see Saeyoung quietly remove a taser - a leftover of Vanderwood’s - from his desk drawer. He could beat Saeyoung up as much as he wanted, but if even laid a finger on Mi-Cha he was going down.

Mi-Cha nods reassuringly “You’re right. You’re completely right, I don't know what you’ve been through. All I know is that it was extremely hard and long and that neither you nor Saeran deserved it and for that, I am so, so sorry but please, try to take another look at everything. I can tell you’re a different person than you were five years ago, people grow and change, they learn to process their past and recover but first, you need to give yourself a chance. Give us a chance too, we’re not as bad as you think.”

Unknown scoffs “You’re fine.” He mumbles, “It’s him I can’t stand.” He says a bit more venomously.

“Have you ever thought your anger may be a bit displaced?” She says in the softest one she can manage. “Just think about it ok? Do some of that soul searching you haven't had time for.”

Unknown looks down, folding his arms and doesn’t respond for a while. He rubs the bridge of his nose with one hand and then groans. “I’m going to bed.” He mumbles stepping carefully around Mi-Cha and walking down the hall.

When the door shuts Saeyoung stares at her stunned. “How do you do that?”

Mi-Cha breathes a sigh of relief “Do what?” “Take the fight out people like that?”

“Just some good ol’ psychoanalyzation I suppose.” She shrugs awkwardly.

“You’re amazing,” He says closing the gap between them and hugging her.

“It’s not that impressive.” She says trying to brush it off.

“It really is though.” He responds with finality. “It seems you’ve saved me again.”

“You would have been fine.” She assures him.

“Alive maybe, but I prefer my face free from black eyes,” he says, going over to the console to rewind the video, ensuring he didn't miss anything after things had started to get heated.

Usually, she’d have a witty response for him but right now she’s feeling emotionally and physically exhausted, both from the previous exchange and lack of sleep.

Saeyoung confirms the car on screen drove away shortly after what he saw and sets up the feed to record onto his hard drive as well as a motion detection program linked to an app on his phone in case anything happens before morning. He acts with purpose but Mi-Cha doesn't miss the slight tremble in his fingertips, or the worried crease on his usually smooth forehead.

When he’s done he puts his computer on sleep mode and wraps an arm around his wife’s shoulders, pulling her with him out of the room, “Come on, let’s get some rest.”

“Do you think he’ll be ok in there?” She asks looking down the hall at Saeran’s room as they cross the hallway.

Saeyoung follows her eyes “I think you’ve given him something to think about.”

_________________

Annnnd that's where we'll leave off! I was a little nervous about this chapter. Hopefully you've enjoyed the new developments!

[dwestfieldblog]

SPIRITUAL EMERGENCIES

Its been a hard nights day and I've been working like a God...Centring my chi by  (                      ) in conjunction with a little (                    ) on Sundays but don't try this at home unless you have some. Under the influence but not persuaded, with no choice other than to follow my free will. 350 songs recorded in Prague (about a third of them are good enough) over a very long weekend and now ready to go again...Last month I heard my own voice in a dream saying 'Death is my second home',  so perhaps another temporary close-down is coming. Hope that paragraph was pretentious enough. If not...meditating on 'The First law of thermodynamics...No energy in the universe is created and none is destroyed'. So all is well...

The recent magnificent Wargames with Russia and China...300 thousand men, (that's a lot) many fields of tanks and nautical miles filled with battleships, necessary because of (according to a joint statement from the protagonists) 'dangerous times' and 'unstable situations'. Reminds me of Bill Hicks quoting George Bush the older (the CIA president) saying 'The world is a dangerous place'...'yeah, thanks to YOU, quit arming the world!'. But this time around, these unstable situations are being more egged on and supported by Russia, gleefully supported as always by all those those make weapons. Trump is not the 'human' being to slow this down. Nature abhors a vacuum and she is rushing now to fill various empty heart/mind and soulless actions made by various leaders with processes of an irreversible...well... nature...Only '12 years' left now to avert climate change disaster...your newborns this year might very well inherit a desert. Well, if it was good enough for the Israelites...

Climate change debates witter on by men in suits flown in at great carbon footprint expense to sit around expensive South American wood tables and agree that time itself is running out. While those that disagree with them only do so because of well paying vested interests in the industries which drain, burn, drill and destroy. Human beings are like gangsters holed up and surrounded by the law, determined to take the hostages and cops with them when they go in a blaze of glory, just so they don't die alone. Reliance on coal continues, the need for oil because of ... 'lifestyle choices'...(ego)... back to RAW again...

'As soon as they find out how to put a meter between us and the sun, only then will we have clean energy.'  

There is a very special circle of Hell reserved for the Barons of black gold, where they burn alive forever, lit by oil. And another circle for those mapping the human genome and copyrighting it so they can make billions from various medicines and procedures, holding the masses to ransom. Peace will occur either when it is more profitable than arms dealing or when there is absolute silence of death on the human side. How many people do you know who are neither whore nor pimp? Or both.

The purpose of existence is (NB. seems to me in my current long running reality tunnel to be) evolution...and as with self programming artificial intelligence, there is a type of instinctive logic which suggests that as any chain is as strong as its' weakest link...and the mass of humanity appears to be working against evolving, then nature will just erase us and get on with creating her own new thang without the apes. Quite right too. The universe is (seems to be) 'non simultaneously apprehended events and interacting processing' but until I pick the free crop of magic mushrooms in the mystic forest this late October month, I will just take RAW's cosmic trigger words for it. (The lousy alchemist cook says make sure they are washed and/or dried right. Vomiting mould covered nipple tops before any hallucinogenic gets into the blood proper is very little fun. Learning, or not from experience in the face of common sense is always a hoot. Ask my liver. ) Anyway...let's be Sirius...

'News'...Nick Clegg is to take over the Facebook worries. (Head of Global Policy and Communications in Silicon Valley) Nick Clegg. This shows JUST how much Zuckerberg gives a damn eh? Useless/Hopeless. For those who don't know or remember, some years ago Clegg was the leader of the Liberal Party in Britain who swore he would never allow an increase in University fees if he were ever Prime Minister. After the election 'win' of David Cameron and the Conservatives, (only made possible with the Liberals siding with them) it took about two weeks before he was forced to go back on his word and toe the line of his bigger coalition partner. (Can't have an easily affordable education, that would be dangerous) A weak and easily breakable man. Expect Facebook to go on paying even less tax, abusing your private information and allowing Russia et al free rein to influence the populace.  

Nice to see the half a million march against Brexit in London. Will accomplish nothing but good that some people woke up before the face of this bullshit a few days later... 'Methinks I see in my mind a noble and puissant nation rousing herself like a strong man after sleep, and shaking her invincible locks.....a eagle mewing her mighty youth'...Geoffrey Cox QC, the Attorney General invoking Milton at the Tory conference.  Winston Churchill defined success as the 'ability to move from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm'. So, well done and three cheers boys..good luck with making Britain Great again. I would truly love to be proved wrong...but...

'In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran,  cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice...and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance, a vendetta...held not as a votive in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose.' ...V for Vendetta via Hugo Weaving in an Anonymous Guy Fawkes mask. My other favourite quote from that film is.....

'And thus I clothe my naked villainy with odd old ends stolen forth from holy writ and seem a saint when most I play the devil.'  Richard III by the real Shakespeare, which covers just about every politician and religious leader, bar a very very precious few. God may be great but he's not as fat as Buddha. And anyway, belief narrows reality tunnels. Which for some people, makes them feel stronger...

In October, Alternative fur (that's fur with an umlaut over the 'u', not the sexy animal hair which is so nice to stroke or be stroked by but I digress. Arf.) Germany... suggested quite firmly that middle school children report to them if any of their teachers said bad things about the new patriotic Nazi swine. Nothing dubious there, no harking back to cruel and better days of the old 'thousand year' Reich and denouncing intellectuals and subversives at all. A month before that, because of hearing shouting, I looked out of my own window one afternoon to see a six foot six skinhead, in army clothes and big black leather boots on a balcony opposite, drunk and rousingly crying out about Deutschland for five minutes in German to his mates in the kitchen behind him as he clasped a beer can. Perhaps he was only joking. Unlikely the grandmother living alone and above his flat thought so. And as for the massive shaven headed Slovak steroid monsters with tattoos on their necks who shout at each other in conversation even when both are sitting two feet away, their biggest insult to their tiny two old kids is to angrily shout 'Little gypsy!' at them when they do something wrong. All together now;Hail Victory! Fnord.

A bad death of a murdered journalist in the Saudi Arabian embassy in Turkey... followed by a lovely picture in the papers of smiling Crown Prince Bin Salman with Jared Kusher (a walking cypher of wrong cleanliness and evil married to Trump's daughter) No wonder it is yet another bastard thing for Trump to hope the connections all vanish from..as he gently damns the killing of a critic of the very royal prince while tweeting endless vitriol against the third estate in the USA. And Donald's glorious tit for tat bollocks about the old nuclear bilateral agreement with Russia... 'Well THEY started it, so we will react...ad infinitum'. Back to the happy days of being able to wipe out the planet seventy times over and rational cold war paranoia...at some point a computer will finally analyse all probable outcomes for the last time and find the one way in which a nuclear war could be won with minimal death on the home side. The computer it will say 'Go for it alpha monkeys'.  

'How long o lord, how long?  How low do you have to stoop in this country to be president?' Hunter S Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972. (About Nixon, but ever more relevant by the day.)

Of course the masochistic paranoia of leaders will continue to find new and further devious outlets, displays and new laws...all the usual countries (IE all of them) behaving as if they can get away with murder forever. Forever, these days, is most likely shorter than a generation, unless there is already a dynasty of cruelty in place, where the buck/baton/cattle prod is passed down as an heirloom of death. Communication never gets to the top because underlings are scared to tell their bosses the truth in case the sweethearts are offended and kill them. (Meow and woof.)

*'The machine is running the engineers' Lenin on his deathbed. Communism, huh?

China's 'voluntary' organ donor scheme. Harvested from enemies of the state...70,000 annual operations...Got the money? Need a new liver? Sort you out in a fortnight, NO waiting list. Not suspicious at all, unless you are a doctor from another country looking into the massive amount of operations and the far smaller published donor lists. Hopefully, those rich enough to afford the instant new transplants will be better, peaceful people when they have their new tee total vegetarian Falun Gong organs in place. Whereas those with less to spend will have to make do with their internal workings run by other very involuntary donations made by dissidents who dared the high insult of comparing the 'president for life' to Winnie the Pooh.  

Primum non nocere, you bastards. The Hippocratic Oath replaced by a hypocritical medical ideology of murder for profit. The state does not help the healthcare 'system' much, if at all, so the military hospitals with easy access to prisoners can get to work stealing what is needed from living bodies. Those arrested who do not give their names and places of birth for fear of involving their families are simple to vanish. They ceased to exist the moment they were caught. Download the report, written by two Canadians, one a former Crown prosecutor and the other a Human Rights Lawyer and make up your own mind as to the veracity. 'The Middle Kingdom between Heaven and Earth', the land which brought the world Taoism and Confucianism...  

www.organharvestinvestigation.net

Take the time and read the report. Then ask yourself, if your children, parents or close friends needed a transplant to save their life (and you could afford a fast Chinese military hospital operation) would you truly care where the organ came from as long as it was healthy? If it was only for you, would you still take it, knowing where it had been stolen from or would you allow your own destiny to be? Desperation is one sure-fire test of the perception of morality.

*Ever notice all those t shirts, sweat shirts and bags with those certain cool slogans on? 'Happy to be an individual', 'My style is my choice', 'My freedom is my world', 'The end justifies the means'. Etc. Take a very cold and realistic guess as to where they are made and by whom and under what conditions. That's right. 

I appear to live (temporarily) in a world where a printed sign on the inside of a toilet door needs to say in two languages 'First unlock the door then turn handle'. That's right kids/adults, you have to be able to open a door before you open it. Almost Zen wisdom but hardly rocket science or brain surgery. Stuff you learn at about the age of  three. I have lost count (triple figures now) of how many customers in a certain shop I have seen standing next to a big, clearly printed sign on the counter to 'ring for service', watching them get ever more impatient as those who are working hard behind the scenes remain deaf and blind to their existence. And signs on the front door, inside and outside also in two languages, asking customers to please close the door.  A third of them never do, even in heavy winter. The evil within me takes a savage glee at the depth of stupidity of these shameless idiots. The pathetic being within rejoices that he is not quite as dumb as these retarded bipeds and the fake existentialist feels a sweeping wave of sheer galactic horror. But...

Back to the litany once again and forever...quality over quantity. I have optimism for the few. They/you WILL make it. You will create it and become it. As long as you understand how to open a f...ing door, you are halfway there.

'Whoever can scare people enough (produce bio-survival anxiety) can sell them quickly on any verbal map which seems to give them relief. i.e. cure the anxiety. By frightening people with Hell and then offering them Salvation, the most ignorant or crooked individuals can 'sell' a whole system of thought that cannot bear two minutes of rational analysis. Robert Anton Wilson, Prometheus Rising.

And once the child/adult is afraid enough, they will follow the substitute parent/s, kept pliant and submissive by further shocks administered to their truly nervous system with the promise of support or threat of punishment. Shame forever without mercy on those outside the mainstream of politics and organised religion who maintain such deeply manipulative systems in the pretence of setting the tender initiates 'free'. You should be a positive alternative, not more of the same poison.

'You gave your life to be the person you are now. Was it worth it?'           Richard Bach.Running from Saftey.

Onwards and inwards, sidestepping the unnecessary. You are your thoughts,'Reality' is personal, subjective and shaped by Will, the Love you come from and the Love you create. Happy everything/Sol Invictus to you and survive the long winter. Hibernate if needed, stay warm, learning and free...