#their relationship and dynamic captivated me
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marvelstoriesepic ¡ 3 days ago
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Besides your own which I’ve already read do you have any collage!bucky fic recs?
Hello lovely!
First of all, it makes me so, so happy that you’ve been reading my college Bucky fics. And I’m so ready to deliver and give you some more college Bucky recs because you deserve them.
Also, I miss writing him so bad. I am craving that guy you would not believe. He holds such a warm place in my heart, and I am taking this opportunity to gush over my favorite college Bucky fics for a minute because there is nothing like him and those talented authors deserve the credit.
So, grab your snacks and get cozy because here comes the best of the best:
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@elixirfromthestars ⇣
A Night of Frights & Delights [7k]
Summary: It’s Friday the 13th and the college kids in town decided to host a weekend camping trip on the outskirts of town. Your best friend convinced you to go much to your reluctance. What could go wrong when the one guy you can’t stand is also there?
(My beloved here is genuinely an absolute master of tension and chemistry. You’re pulled right into the scene from the first sentence and I just love that chilly campfire night vibe. And Bucky here is so perfectly written it’s infuriating, genuinely has me swooning so hard every time I come back to this.)
Lines Crossed [9.3k]
Summary: You and Bucky have danced around the lines you've placed ever since that weekend camping trip. Months later, when Tony Stark hosts an extravagant party, he finally makes a move to cross them.
(This has my heart pounding, my cheeks redden, and me practically screaming in my head. That yearning has me drooling. He’s so gone for her and I need it. And every scene felt so genuine and impactful, with all those brilliant, tender, heart-melting details. This is a fantastic craft of a realistic and passionate relationship!)
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@elvenrin ⇣
cold libraries create warmer hearts [6.7k]
Summary: a reserved librarian and a history-loving student keep crossing paths in the cold library, where shared smiles and hidden glances will make them understand that burning hearts don't do well in a place that easily ignites.
(This is such a charming, tender, and beautifully written romance. The slow burn is delicious, and you can truly feel that connection building between those two. My darling here created such a high-stakes, emotionally charged scene. Everything here is so well-handled. From the vulnerability, the passion, the sudden insecurity, to the heartbreaking misunderstanding)
part two [5.9k]
Summary: a reserved librarian and a history-loving student are now left to navigate a heartbreak born out of misunderstanding, but like it has always been known, frozen hearts never fail to seek out warmth from those that feel like home
(This is filled with so much emotion, warmth, and genuine connection and it absolutely had me on the floor. My heart explodes every time I come back to those two adorable sweethearts. And I am swooning so hard oh my. Literally such a compelling story)
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@lovelybarnes ⇣
Flirting and Football [16k]
Summary: Bucky barnes and a college au where reader is the only one who isn’t interested in him
(This dynamic is so unique and captivating and I was such a fan of the plot. It was so investing to see how she finally gives into Bucky’s undeniable charm and genuine feelings. And I loved the friendship between Wanda, the reader, and Pietro)
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@pellucid-constellations ⇣
Masterlist
(I’m just gonna give you her entire masterlist, because she’s got quite a few incredible college Bucky pieces, and you should definitely check those out. I’m so obsessed with the way she writes Bucky, it’s crazy)
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@samingtonwilson ⇣
Relationship Tutor
Summary: Bucky, a relationship novice, asks for your help in dating your friend. Unable to say no to him, you agree despite everyone and everything telling you not to. 
(This is a series and I’ve read it a few times already, because it’s literally so addicting. There are so many sweet friendships in this one. And so so much pining. I’m definitely there for it and you better be too)
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@lunarbuck ⇣
11:59 pm, December 31 [1.7k]
Summary: You've been in love with your best friend Bucky Barnes since fourth grade, but to him, you're just his best friend. It's New Year's Eve, maybe tonight will be different.
(Everything about this is genuinely so relatable. I felt with the reader the whole time. And also, Bucky will definitely make you swoon at the end)
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@bucky-at-bedtime ⇣
The Bet
Summary: You’ve been at college for a year and have managed to avoid the party lifestyle. That is until you meet Bucky Barnes and he decides to educate you on the benefits of being social.
(This is another series. There is a perfect balance between pining and angst in there. And it will definitely get heated haha. Also, I love the characterizations)
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These are just a handful of the many lovely college Bucky fics out there, and I hope you find something you’ll enjoy! If you’d like even more recs, feel free to take a peek at my sideblog @buckbuckbarnesstuff
I’ve got a few more favorites there, including some more college Bucky and a mix of other beautiful reads. And if you do read anything from this list, please send all the love to the amazing writers who pour their hearts into these stories. They truly deserve it. So go attack them with all the love you can give. And even if you don’t end up reading anything, a reblog doesn’t hurt ❤︎
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artsy-jandi ¡ 2 years ago
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They are precious, your honor.
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I really like them a lot🔥💧
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pmatga ¡ 2 years ago
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so here's my latest pmatga idea
bitter exes: old man edition™
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wandasaura ¡ 24 days ago
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AMERICAN HONEY
summary — there’s a wild wild whisper blowing in the wind, and it wraps around you tightly in the form sunshine and strong hands.
warning(s) — established relationships, polyamorous relationship, married wandanat, dom/sub dynamics, bdsm dynamics, daddy kink, mommy kink, butt plugs, slight anal play, public play, exhibition kink, exposed positions, verbal humiliation, light dumbification, degradation, pool party, bathing suits (wink wink bikinis), pussy inspection, praise, hair pulling, prolonged edging, begging, crying, ruined orgasms, fingering, teasing, alcohol consumption, smoking, whining, threat of pussy spanking, kitchen sex, kitchen counters, face grabbing, name calling, mention of subspace, elements of aftercare, fluff if you squint?, truly just depraved 4th of july smut, men/minors dni
authors note — i wrote this in between a million different activities, high noons, and cart hits… so please forgive me for being late, im just a girl trying her best under hard circumstances. this was almost named courtesy of the red, white, and blue… btw
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Sunlight gleams down upon already sparkling water, rippled currents in the pool blown wild by the sweet whisper of wind that sneaks into the open landscape backyard. Not many trees conceal the happenings of your residence, nor does the white picket fence that only comes up to Natasha’s waist, but there’s an unspoken solitude regardless — a safety when they’re around. 
Your unwavering trust in them is sensational — one of a kind most certainly, if you ask them at least. It’s evident now, as the breeze swings through the backyard and creates ripples in the west traveling current, and Natasha drags an eight-foot spa skimmer along the surface. She’s creating tension and simultaneously breaking it. She knows that too. 
The classic blue-and-white gingham pattern sitting over your shoulders is timeless, a staple piece for a holiday so proudly rooted in historical achievements. That’s not the reason you chose it though. The pattern reminds you of picnic blankets and comfort; Wanda’s comfort. She’d been in your mind when you purchased it. You’d considered her opinion when you’d noticed the triangular top and tie-side bottoms emphasized by a ruffled trim that would undeniably catch her attention. Wanda had been your thought three weeks ago, but Natasha takes up your brain now. 
The breeze is warm, twinged with a feels like temperature of 91°f, but it feels cold as it blows against vulnerable inches of soft, glistening skin. Natasha notices the involuntary shimmy from across the pool, and her eyes sweep over the gleam on your skin with captivation. A smirk crawls onto her lips. It’s smooth, simple, discreet enough to leave you unsure if it happened at all. 
“Cold, baby?” Her voice carries over the pool with the breeze, and it hits you with a force that has your hips rocking in desperation you can’t hide. You should be embarrassed, humiliated that you’d ever let yourself be pinned to this situation, but they’ve had you like this for hours now, and you’re beyond the point of really giving a damn. Still, your cheeks flame at Natasha’s supposed indifference. Scratch that, just her indifference. Natasha doesn’t feel bad for you. She loves you, she wants the world for you by her fingertips and only hers, but you made your bed, and she’s always been keen on natural order. 
A whine pulls up from somewhere deep and soft in your belly. Your hips rock, searching for pressure, pleasure, anything. All you manage to accomplish she pressing the plug deeper into your ass, the flared base stretching deep within a hole they’re still waiting patiently to fuck. Natasha’s going to be first. Wanda’s already given her that promise for when the time comes. The fleeting thought doesn’t help your flustered and highly strung state, but somehow you find a response. Simple words. “I don’t know.” There’s a whine in your tone, a tremble of petulance that comes with your utmost submission. It’s walls crumbling down, thought slipping away, replaced with natural impulse. 
“You don’t know?” Natasha huffs when the spa skimmer passes through a single handful of leaves, blown over the fence from Agatha’s yard where Rio tends to flagpole cherry blossoms — the only reason you know specifically because Agatha makes sure to correct everyone on Rio’s behalf. She’s barely even paying attention to you right now, huffing beneath her breath as she slams the skimmer into the grass, and it drives you further up the wall of desperation. 
“No?” It’s a question pointed at her when it shouldn’t be. It’s your body, not hers, she has no way of knowing what you perceive as cold if you don’t communicate as such, but you find yourself asking her anyways, and Natasha finds it cute; amongst other things. 
“Don’t know much of anything right now, do you? Too hard to think with your cunt on display for me?” She doesn’t yell the words, but they’re definitely not a whisper either, and your cheeks flame with heat as the breeze seems to project her tone through the yard. You wonder if Agatha heard, if it carried over distinctly enough for her to really pick up on it. Natasha’s probably wondering the same, though nowhere near as muted with nerves. 
“Yes, Daddy.” A hushed whisper, involuntary and soft. You’re exactly where she wants you, but she can’t help but want to push a little harder, keep you here a little longer. Nobody’s set to start arriving for another three hours, so she has at least two to break you down however she pleases. “Please.” 
“Please what, malysh (baby)? Please touch you, please make it feel better, please come over there and spank my pussy because I know I told you to keep your legs fucking spread, so why are they closing?” Natasha’s glare hardens, deep and cold as she narrows her gaze and wills her eyebrows together until they’re scrunched and misshapen. It was an unconscious thing, but still shame pools in your belly and heat flames in your core as you peel your thighs open, further this time, and give her access to all of you. 
The matching gingham bottoms, adorned with a band of ruffles along the top that sits right at your navel tightly, is discarded on the lounge chair to your immediate right — already wet, but not from the pool. Natasha had directed you to take them off twenty minutes after you’d joined her out in the sun, sent away by Wanda who needed to shower without your needy wandering hands, and they’d remained there dutifully for what you suspect is going on an hour. 
The chair is becoming damp beneath you, slick with arousal that drips out of your wanting entrance teased and taunted relentlessly by the fullness in your ass that’s incessant and unmoving, so insufferably understimulating. Natasha can see the pearls of need glimmering on your lips, and your thighs, not just sweat that lights you up with glittering sparkles and radiant beams. Need for her is what unmakes you, and it feels heavenly to have that reassurance in just the way you let it happen like this at all.
“Go find, Mommy.” She directs, pulling her attention away from your cunt, letting it drift to your eyes, and the way you stare at her lazily, drunkenly, blissfully and submissively. So many words to describe the stars in your eyes as the words register in your head, but there’s not enough time in the day for Natasha to prattle off every synonym. 
“What?” You stutter, harping on the simplicity of her statement because certainly she’s not sending you away right now, not like this. When you’re ready and willing to eat out of the palm of her hand and she hasn’t even done anything more than push that plug into your ass bent over the bathroom countertop. 
“Is that head too fuzzy?” Natasha scoffs, shaking her head. Her hair is twinged with strawberry highlights from the sun, a soft shade of golden pink that feels neatly on with the darker auburn curls that frame her face wildly. “I said, go find Mommy.” 
A rebuttal is on the tip of your tongue. A strong-willed declaration that you hate the idea of leaving her and will not be doing anything of the sort of your own volition, but then her eyebrow raises at you challengingly from across the pool, and the butterflies already in your belly are plunged into boiling oil until that flutter and flap about uncontrollably. 
“Bottoms on first, dorogoy.” Natasha smirks when she notices the faint twitch of your muscles beneath your skin — intention budding to the surface, mere seconds away from leaving you exposed to whoever in Westview glances over the picket fence paces away. A scarlet hue twinges your cheeks, and Natasha laughs sweetly as she shakes her head and watches you dress with anxious movements and mousy fingers. “So eager you were gonna prance right through the yard all exposed? By all means, baby, I love seeing that cute little plug, but that’s a little desperate, no? Even for my little slut?” She’s baiting you, teasing you because she can, and it works wonders against you as your skin flushes pink.
“Daddy.” There’s a sickening whine in your tone as it floats with the breeze toward Natasha, a desperate plea for her to do something, anything, clear as day beneath your single utterance of her title — the very one she’d initially had to break you down and coax you sweetly to use. You’ve come a long way since then. They’ve corrupted you in unspeakable ways since the very first night you spent together in the business district of Manhattan. “Please.”
“Inside, dorogoy. Now.” Natasha knows what you want even when you don’t. She won’t deny that you want to cum. She’s known you’ve wanted to be brought over the edge of a blissful orgasm since seven am that morning, but she knows what you want even more that you just can’t see beneath all of that fuzziness in your head. You want to cum, but you want to be broken down and used between them both even more. Your fingers twitch, your knees lock, you're desperate for relief, but even more so for their unwavering control that’s been interlocked with aspects of your relationship from the jump. 
Natasha’s not looking for an answer from you, she’s looking for obedience. The blue-and-white gingham bottoms feel light on your hips, the dangling ties tickle your thighs with every gust of wind that blows past. “Okay.” You concede softly, breath only a whisper as it fights against the changing breeze that throws the submission right back in your face like a brick wall. 
Natasha doesn’t say anything. She just watched how you prance like a baby deer on new legs through the yard because every little step spreads pleasure through your ever slowly frying nerves. It’s a slow process, a tedious game. They have you in a good place, all sweet and pliant, but they could have you somewhere deeper, darker with warmth that feels cold when they leave for too long. She doesn’t say anything, but you hear the aluminum rustling behind you when you reach for the handle on the sliding glass door and strain your eyes for Wanda’s silhouette in the kitchen. 
She brought a High Noon outside with her before you joined. Grapefruit flavor because it’s the one inclusion in the variety pack that you and Wanda turn your nose up at entirely. The watermelon ones, with the green detailing on the front, are reserved solely for you, and the pineapple Wanda. It’s a system that established itself around the third Fourth of July you spent together, and it crushes you like an elephant now as you spare one glance over your shoulder and watch Natasha lift her chin to chase a sip of the fizzling vodka seltzer. 
You think she knows you’re looking at her, lingering by the door with your glassy eyes set solely on her, but she never turns her head to find out. She takes a sip, then two, and then she reaches for the spa skimmer and returns to her task of scooping out leaves that haven’t even fallen into the water yet. She’s meticulous, sometimes annoyingly so, but you know her skin crawls when people come over and mess with her things, so you let her have the one element of control she can grasp with white knuckles unapologetically. 
“Find Mommy.” You remind yourself softly as your attention turns back to the door. You find her easily now that you’re really looking for her. She’s standing by the sink, her back to the living room, face to the window that overlooks the garden she’s packed full of blueberries and roses. The glare from unforgiving sunlight beats down on your back and the door, twinging her slightly yellow and darkening the specifics of her movements, but it allows enough insight for your belly to grow anxious with a desperation for proximity immediately. Your bones feel cold without hands touching your skin, even when sunshine crisps you beyond golden quickly. 
Cold air hits you in the face in an unforeseen ambush that you truthfully should’ve anticipated, and the sound of the door gliding against the track pulls Wanda’s attention to you just as a shiver runs up your already sensitive spine. She looks like she’s about to greet you, coo about the adorable way your muscles twitch when you’re cold, but then her eyes lock onto the ruffles laying over your navel and the swell of your breasts, and she can’t seem to find any words on her tongue at all. 
Your hands curl into tight fists at your sides, stunned to stillness by the drastic change in temperature, her undivided attention on your body, and the fact that she’s standing here in only a bikini that accentuates every curve she’s worked devotedly to maintain. 
You’d known she was going on-the-nose patriotic for a while, but you’d never specifically sought out her choice of bathing suit when you’d been purposefully hiding yours in Natasha’s bottom drawer like a mischievous child. You don’t think she’d intentionally gone to the same lengths of secrecy, but it dawns on you slowly that she’d also probably avoided showing you beforehand with intention. 
“Well hello, devochka (baby girl).” She coos when she gets it together, voice sweet, sickeningly so. Her head cranes just slightly to the left, and the way her hair falls away from her shoulder provides the perfect glimpse at red and white striped straps dangling daintily down the center of her spine, two perfectly formed bunny ears catching your attention from just below her earlobes. “Look at you! Did you get that suit just for me? For Mommy?” 
Natasha doesn’t show you an inch of sunshine until you’ve earned her gentle warmth, but Wanda smothers you in it deep until you can’t even seem to think for yourself without her prompting. She misses no beat even now, her tone sweet like honey, her words curled with such invitation it lures you forward without command. 
“Yes.” You answer, because you know she wants one. You can still think semi-clearly enough to fall in line with the expectations they’ve painstakingly engraved into your subconscious. Your eyes, already glassy from Natasha’s unmaking, already wide with need and desperation, somehow intensify as you drown in Wanda’s appearance. 
You can tell what she’d been doing before you came inside. The counters are clean, the sink dry of any water spots or dishes. But she stands by the sink, on hand on the countertop, the other on her hip. Her chest is angled out toward you, just slightly, just enough to really be able to tell that the cups of her bathing suit are mismatched, mimicking the American flag in a way that doesn’t scream anything overtly annoying or untrue about herself and her views. It’s tasteful, classic, and alluring as you analyze the seemingly crinkled ribbed texture of the two piece. 
“Oh, my good girl.” Wanda preens, humming in satisfaction that you’d only been able to anxiously anticipate seeing for yourself — a fate you chose admittedly, but that’s besides the point. “Come here, come closer. Let me really see it.” She directs, sweet and comforting, her hands coming up to her sides to draw you into her embrace. 
It feels like a waddle as you pad across the kitchen tiles in a pair of flip flops that’s sole purpose is to save the soles of your feet from the blistering concrete out back. Every step jostles the plug in your ass, sparking pleasure that taunts you relentlessly. You’re full, you haven’t forgotten, you can’t forget, but not full in the way you need, not stimulated in the way you’ve been trying to grab onto and secure all morning. Your knees are week, your core throbbing and slickened with arousal that continues to pool out of you at their prolonged nonchalance, and you’re certain that Wanda’s memorizing this wild picture of you to draw inspiration from later on when she has all the time in the world to do this slowly and meticulously. 
“There you are. Come on, come sit.” Wanda smiles sweetly, she holds onto your hips and without any warning lifts you up onto the countertops that are cold to the touch from the stream of air blowing down on them as relentlessly as the sunlight on beige concrete. You shiver again, goosebumps prickling your skin, but it's another sensation that trips you up too. 
The lounge chairs out back are threaded with a flexible net, one that shapes to your body even just a little bit. You hadn’t realized how forgiving that flexibility had been on the plug, but now that her hands hold your hips firmly against the counter, driving the plug further into your ass — deeper — you can’t avoid the pleasure and the devastating disappointment of your cunt remaining empty. 
“Did you have fun out there? You put on quite the show for Daddy. Who taught you those things, devochka)? To sit with your pretty pussy on display for anyone to see and touch. That’s so naughty. Not for little girls who listen to their Mommy’s.” Wanda tsks, and your belly drops with a feeling you can’t name in this haze. Your eyes glisten, tears stinging your waterline as your bottom lip pouts at her sweetly. Oh, how she loves to see you cry for her. “You listen to your Mommy, don’t you, milaya devochka (sweet girl)?”
“Yes.” Your head bobs unconsciously, the answer falling off your tongue before you can even process what she’s asked. You’re already proving your point, her point. Wanda smiles in satisfaction, an amused hum falling into the air around you as she tangles her curious fingertips into the strings at your hips.
“Lift your hips for me, baby. Mommy just wants to check something really quick.” Wanda directs gently, but there’s no room to argue with the tone she sets, especially not as it wraps around you tightly and turns all that remains of your proud independence into pitiful codependency that lingers for hours. It doesn’t occur to you that floaty and clingy is how they want you, but it’s the honest truth. The strings come undone with one testing pull, and in seconds Wanda taps the inner section of your thigh with enough intention to sting, and has them off and in the air before you can even blink dazedly. “Oh my, did Daddy let you take a dip in the pool?” She asks, and your eyebrows furrow innocently. 
“No, Mommy.” Your head shakes, strands of hair that escape your cowboy boot shaped claw clip tickling the nape of your neck and your cheeks as the motion swings them easily in the manufactured breeze. 
“Then why are they all wet, my love? Certainly it’s not all because of that little cunt.” Wanda frowns, tracing her manicured nail over the patch of wetness that’s not entirely visible through the waterproof material, but is still easily identifiable when fingertips graze the sodden garments. Your cheeks flame, and while your thighs had never truly been spread to acclimate the presence of her between them fully, they squeeze tighter shut with her condescending attention on your aching core. “Oh, but that’s what it is, isn’t it, my good girl? You’re just too needy, you can’t even help it — can’t even go one morning without needing somebody to make it all better for you. That little cunt just always wants some attention, doesn’t it?” She’s overwhelming you with questions she doesn’t really want answers to, but she likes to see you squirm at the imagery she lays brazenly at your feet without pity. She might be burning alive without her tongue between your thighs, lapping up any evidence of your arousal, but she’d happily burn with the knowledge that she’s dragging you down with her just because she can; because you let it happen. 
“Yes, Mommy.” You squeak, voice high, officially floaty as it takes on a pitch Wanda hadn’t thought possible before she met you. Her eyes are wild with lust and affection, wild passionate affection that can’t be stifled or diluted by decades of learned self control. She’s a tamed beast, a trusted shot in a war, but sometimes she breaks free of the chains she made for herself to preserve her fragile heart, and when it’s let out on you, there’s no coming back from the heaven she creates out of syllabus and taunting curls. 
“Does it hurt, baby? Is it achey?” Wanda crones, her eyebrows pulled taut with faux sympathy, but even with the knowledge of experience, you can’t see past her sweet questions and gentle movements despite the crudeness of her commentary. 
“Yes.” You whisper, head bobbing. Your eyes trace her face. Her eyes, her freckled cheeks, her nose. The trail across her jawline, the sharp cut of her cheekbones. Her hair falls over her shoulders, not untamed, but rather unconfined; free. 
“Look at me, malysh.” Soft, hard, firm. She cuts through the air and the fog of your mind with one clear order, and when you find her eyes again, deep green and glowing beneath the yellow lighting Natasha’s been itching to switch out for LED, they’re so much darker then you remember, pupils blown wide with lust and glittering refractions of light dusted across the enter dazzling orb. “Open your legs.” 
Your thighs fall open instantly, and your core that’s no longer concealed by the gingham pattern of your bottoms is exposed to her without a barrier now. Your clit pulses at the exposure to cold air, hard and pebbled from tension that nobody’s been kind enough to relieve. Your entrances clenches and unclenches, no rhythm, no reason, just begs whimsically for something to probe it unkindly and brutally. Your lips are puffy, swollen and red. How much of the glow comes from unforgiving sunlight or arousal Wanda’s uncertain, but for the moment she’s captivated by the effortless beauty of your pussy as it begs her for anything. 
“Oh, so eager already?” Wanda groans, before her attention is pulled to your clot when it throbs unabashedly at her condensation. Your cheeks can go flush, your brain can go fuzzy, but your pussy is the biggest tell of them all. “Aw, that must feel so icky, princess. Yeah?” 
“Mommy!” Your feet kick against the countertops petulantly, a whine pulling from somewhere in your belly that’s only explored when they can get you there; here. Wanda’s eyes harden, her jaw clicks at the audacity you somehow still have even halfway to the moon and out of touch with everything else. 
“We do not kick.” She scolds, sharp and clear, and your throat bobs with a thickness that somehow even burns in your eyes. “Now be quiet and let me check. God only knows what your Daddy did while I wasn’t watching you both.” Wanda rolls her eyes, and before you can even really process what she says, her fingers pull your lips apart, exposing your clit and clenching hole. It’s another level of exposed, a deeper shudder of pleasure that runs up your spine and shakes you just enough to shift pressure on the plug. “God, look at this pussy. So pretty, baby girl. Remind me, whose pussy is it again?” 
It takes a second, more like three, for you to find an answer in your head as her fingers continue to simply hold your pussy open for her eyes to marvel at, but eventually you do, leaning closer to her unconsciously as your eyelids bat heavily. “Yours.”
“And what’s my name, baby?” She hums, half satisfied but wanting more. She always wants more, she’s as insatiable as you, though neither one of you can compete with Natasha. 
“M-Mommy!” You gasp when her fingers brush your clit, just once, just hard enough to really feel how pebbled and click your pulsing bud is with arousal right now, before anyone really even touched you. A whine of disappointment falls off your lips when she doesn’t make a move to repeat the action. 
“Yes, milaya devochka?” She smirks smugly, and it’s a miracle that your muscles don’t move on their own accord and thrash against the countertop in petulant frustration that’s been building for hours on end now. One push too far and you fall down a spiral they need undivided attention to pull you out of, but if you continue to glide just right, they know there’s heaven in your future — all of your futures. 
A strangled whine falls off of your lips, your hands reaching out to grapple at the strings of her bikini. You know Natasha’s planning on wearing a white top and black athletic shorts that she has no reason to take off before she jumps into the pool, but it won’t be as captivating as how Wanda looks right now. 
“I wonder how desperate this pussy is for me. If I just press right here… yeah, just like this, oh fuck, baby. Not even pushing into you and this tight little cunt is just beginning for more.” Wanda moans beneath her breath, her eyes closing tightly for only a second before they focus on your core again. “Let’s see what happens if I do…this.” She questions, and then she eases that one single digit into your entrance and nothing else matters anymore.
A high pitched whine escapes you, and despite the stillness that follows her quick intrusion, the complete fullness that finally settles something in your bones sparks you into all encompassing pleasure quickly. Your hips don’t rock on their own accord, they’re infuriatingly still despite the pleasure blooming in your core halfway, and Wanda knows that you won’t be able to move until something lightens up, but you don’t want that either. You want whatever she gives you, whatever gets you there. 
“So responsive for me, baby.” She teases when you gasp again, and when her finger curls, pointedly and with clear intent against that spongy part of your walls that’s buried just perfectly behind your clout, it’s all over for you as your forehead drops to her shoulder and you gasp out ragged breaths. “Oh, does my pussy like that? Do you like it when I finger you here? On the counter, with your legs all nice and spread open. Fucking hell, you’re close already? Just from this?” Wanda groans, her eyes screwing closed, concealing the aroused amazement that floats in her eyes as she feels your walls contract around her finger tightly. Just the one, she hasn’t offered any more. 
“Please!” It’s the only thing you’ve managed to say, to bring yourself to ask in minutes, and Wanda feels so smug to know that in darkness, the one grain of light you found was the expectation to ask before you cum. She knows you’re not really asking though. You’re telling her you’re cumming, falling over the edge into her single finger that doesn’t even fuck you, just curls up and against your g-spot every few seconds without rhyme or reason. This was never about fucking you. She’d never told you that, nor led you to believe it. But what your mind made up on its own was none of her concern when she’s told you time and time again to let her do the thinking. “Nu uh! No! No! Please!”
Wanda’s fingers pull away from your cunt quickly, just as she felt your walls tightly so impossibly around her knuckle that even she knew any second longer and you would’ve fallen over the blissful edge into paradise. Instead, her palm slaps against your core, still exposed despite how your thighs tremble hanging off the edge of the countertop. Wanda coos, she grabs your ankles between delicate fingers, guiding your legs up until your chin rests on your knees and the soles of your feet are firmly against the marble, your core still open and exposed to her eyes, but the slight cant of your body now leaning to engage more core support opens up an entrance that Natasha’s left untouched since the early morning. 
Wanda doesn’t even address the ruined orgasm, but she watched how your cunt pulses and clenches with need and desperation. She groans when a single tear falls down your cheek, your bottom lip bitten and a picture of desperation. Your clit pulses with the beat of your heart, and despite the heavy feeling in your bones and the way this position has you still, your hips try to chase the sting of her palm slapping against you mercilessly. 
“Daddy picked such a pretty plug for you, malysh.” Wanda coos, her manicured fingers tapping against the jeweled plug in your ass, adding to the sensitivity that bites at your exposed nerves and core. Your hips try to jump, but they can’t with the way your hands hold your ankles tightly, having taken Wanda’s place with quiet submission. You know what she wants, and sometimes you give it to her without question. “But it’s time for it to come out now. We’re all done playing.” Wanda tells you firmly, the boundary now drawn clear, but you still whine in defeat as excitement bubbles in your belly and becomes twinged with anxiousness at the prospect of going all day unsatisfied. You need her, all of her, and she’s only giving you what she wants. 
“Please! Please, I don’t want to be all done!” It’s almost a wail, definitely a whiny plea, but it’s silenced by fingers grabbing at your cheeks until your lips pucker like a fish. Wanda’s hold is unrelenting, tight and dominating. She’s all done toying with your body so boldly, but her control hasn’t wavered for even a second. 
“We are all done. I’m going to take the plug out of your ass, and then we’re going to put another layer of sunscreen on before Maria and Yelena get here. Do I make myself clear?” She let’s go of your face only so that you can nod freely, your hand coming up to rub away the itch on your face from where the tear had slowly fallen with cinematic timing. “Words.” 
“Yes, Mommy.” You whine, and she allows it, only because you look so sweet fucked out and scolded on the counter, a puddle beneath you that you either have noticed, or aren’t aware enough to be embarrassed about. Satisfied with your answer, Wanda pulls you off the counter and spins you around under the edge of the marble digs into your belly, right above where the ruffled fabric lays against your navel. 
“Relax for me baby. Take a big deep breath in.” Wanda’s fingers find your clit at the same time as the other hand fings the base of the plug, and as you breathe in through your nose, she rubs tight loose circles around your still throbbing bud and works the plug out without teasing. She wasn’t kidding. You’re all done playing. But it still disappoints you that she didn’t at least try and drag it out any longer. “Good girl. Good job. Now, put your bottoms back on and wait for me.”
“Why do I have to wait?” You pout, wanting only to be wrapped up tightly in her embrace at the very least if she wasn’t going to work you through a mind blowing orgasm. The only thought on your mind is her, her and Natasha, but the redhead is still locked away outside, still treating the pool and skimming the water and putting off getting dressed because that’s the very last thing she has control of before chaos ensues for hours. You think that vaguely, but it doesn’t hold much weight. Nothing outside of earning her praise and her attention holds any weight to you. 
“Because, you made a mess on my countertops after I just cleaned them.” Wanda scoffs, and your cheeks flame, and you whispered a muted ‘Oh’ because what do you even say to that, and she smiles mischievously over her shoulder as she drags a paper towel over the mess and then reaches for the all purpose cleaner that smells like lemons and vanilla all at once. “Yeah, oh.” She giggles before she throws the paper towel away and turns her attention back to you, sighing softly when she sees you’ve made no effort to reclaim the still untied bottoms on the ground and redress yourself despite the time ticking by faster and faster.
“You feeling okay? Just a little floaty? A little needy?” Wanda asks, assuring that you know she already knows where your head is at, but wanting to make sure nothing else had breached the surface of your little paradise found in her arms as she wraps you up tight in her embrace, forgiving eye contact for only this moment as you snuggle in deep and use her for all the warmth and comfort that she packs in her body. 
“Okay. Just wanna be close.” You muse, eyes closing, but you’ve never known Wanda or Natasha to let you rest after a session, and without fail she tugs your head and begins guiding you down the hallway to the bathroom, directing you to pee while she sifts through the sunscreen in the cabinet until she finds the one specifically for you. 
It doesn’t dawn on any of you until hours later that the plug was left in the kitchen, right in plain sight on the countertop, but you’re eternally thankful to Maria who moved it without question after noticing, and only brought it up to Natasha with smugness three times throughout the night.
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nereidprinc3ss ¡ 1 year ago
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do you believe me now? | 7
in which spencer reid and inexperienced!fem reader sleep together for the first time
series masterlist
18+ (smut) warnings/tags: loss of virginity, oral f/m receiving, so much praise, pain during sex, unprotected sex, cr**mp**, bit of overstim, soft dom spence, if u don't like that freak shit (love and intimacy) this is not for u, spencer is a nerd, they're both nerds actually and that factors in heavily, you may get more from this part by FIRST reading how they met in this bonus chapter a/n: thank you all for being patient, ilysm, this was the most laborious thing i've ever done for no reason and also this part changed so many times and is not what i expected it to be so pls go in with tempered expectations and keep in mind that this story is more about the characters and their specific relationship dynamic than just being porn. i truly have no idea how you guys will react to this but i sincerely hope you love it and them like i do<3 also it's twice as long as the other parts so feedback would be very very appreciated! again i love u all and enjoy the penultimate part!
Spencer’s lips are on yours, and you weren’t expecting it—hell, you weren’t expecting him to be in your apartment. After all, he’d wished you goodnight and walked out only a moment ago.
“Spencer—wh—” 
But he’s insistent with his lips, kissing you bruisingly over and over like there’s nectar on your tongue and he’s parched for you. Still, he has enough decency to not completely ignore you, exhaling a quick excuse over your flushed lips. 
“I missed you.”
This time, though, you dodge his hungry kiss. Part of you thinks, as he watches you, eyes alight and breathing heavily, that he sort of likes your playing hard to get. It’s not something you do very often, admittedly. 
“We’ve been apart for like, maybe a minute.”
“I didn’t even make it to the parking lot.”
Your face heats.  
“Well you can’t just—you can’t just walk in like that! And I thought you said we weren’t supposed to mix fighting with pleasure.”
“Then start locking your door. And I thought you said we weren’t fighting.”
You roll your eyes in response, though your heart is still pittering in your chest. 
At least his hands move to your arms, stroking up and down relatively chastely—although he has this way of making everything seem intimate. Especially when paired with those amber eyes of his—glowing like a candlelight beacon in the window guiding you home. He speaks in low, appeasing tones and darts his tongue over his lips. 
“I originally said it’s a bad idea for couples to sleep together after an argument. But you know—makeup sex is ubiquitous across culture and time because it works. Anger and arousal trigger a lot of the same hormones, specifically norepinephrine which is involved in feelings of longing and—”
“Spencer.”
“You know what else?” He mutters in a way that feels dangerous. “It tends to feel better than regular sex.”
That earns a shaky exhale from you. Whether from irritation or arousal is anyone’s guess—probably a combination of both. 
“So you came back to fuck me?”
It’s probably evident to Spencer from your choice of language that this already isn’t going exactly as he’d planned. He doesn’t answer right away—just regards you, gaze bouncing between your two eyes like he’s trying to calculate your level of anger. 
“Is that what we’re calling it now?”
You push him away and move to walk down the hall. 
“Maybe your window of opportunity has passed.”
A warm hand wraps around your wrist in the dark of the hallway and he pulls you back until you’re falling against something tall and warm and lean. The smell of polished amber and sandalwood overwhelms your senses. 
“What’s wrong, angel? What happened in the minute I was gone to change your mind?” His voice is scratchy like a favorite record. It’s the voice he could hold you captive with. The one you have a very difficult time saying no to. 
“I don’t know,” you mutter, unintentionally leaning back against him. “What happened to change yours?”
His response comes pressed against your ear, half-lost in your hair. 
“You’re upset that I changed my mind. I thought you wanted this, honey.”
“I do,” you admit, letting your head fall back against his shoulder and bringing his arm to wrap around you. “And if you hadn’t walked out earlier I would’ve done it. But… I’m tired of us doing everything on your timeline. You just… you expect me to be amenable to what you want, constantly.” His nose and lips press into your shoulder. 
“What do you mean?”
“Like… I’ve been begging you to sleep with me for I don’t even know how long. And you keep changing your mind, and I feel like you’re being really confusing about it. Obviously you don’t have to sleep with me, you never did, but I just feel kind of… jerked around. And you did it again tonight.”
A beat of silence. 
“I understand your frustration,” he appeases, securing both his arms around you. You cling weakly to his wrist, to his warmth, like he’s a tether in a storm. “Would you prefer to wait until you initiate it?”
“No. Yes! I don’t know,” you huff, disentangling yourself from his arms and continuing toward your bedroom. “Now I’m annoyed at you again.”
He follows you right through the door. 
“Just tell me what to do! I don’t want to be annoying.”
“I can’t. I’m being unreasonable.” You flick on your adjoining bathroom light and examine yourself in the mirror. Yeesh. The eye makeup situation is abysmal after all the crying that has taken place over the course of the evening. 
“So choose to be reasonable and tell me what you want from me. I’ll give it to you.”
You frown at your reflection, pushing your hair back and rubbing at some excess mascara. 
“No, you’re not understanding me. I’m not choosing to be unreasonable. My thought process regarding the situation is inherently unreasonable and there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s just the way I feel.”
“The feeling being that I’ve been too domineering over how our sexual relationship has unfolded?”
Spencer watches you in the bathroom mirror, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed as you tip some makeup remover onto a reusable cotton pad. You try not to check him out as you nod, but it’s impossible—with his sleeves rolled up to show defined forearms cradled in capable hands, and his hair all messy. 
When he pushes off the wall you freeze, unsure of his next move—until he’s gently spinning you around and taking the bottle and cloth from your hands. 
“Maybe it would help,” he begins, soft as he focuses on the new task, carefully bringing the round to your right eye so he can remove the bleeding mascara. You allow your eyes to flutter shut. “If I remind you why I’ve been so hesitant.”
“Because you hate giving me joy.”
He laughs, nothing more than one huff from his nose. 
“You’re spoiled and we both know it.”
Point taken, as he gently wipes your makeup away for you. Your silence is his cue to continue. 
“Everything I said about worrying that you would regret choosing me is true. It was especially true when I thought you felt lukewarm toward me. And all of that confusing stuff I said in the phone is true too—having sex for the first time is incredibly intimate and weird and sometimes scary. If you’re not 100% sure about your partner, or if you think your feelings are unrequited, it’s hard to be completely comfortable in such a vulnerable situation and your likelihood of getting hurt or having regrets skyrockets. I know that from experience. I wanted better for you than what I got. Still, I know it was wrong to project my feelings about the significance of sex onto you. In that regard, you’re right. I was being domineering, and I guess… I guess to an extent I’m still deflecting. I shouldn’t be trying to pretend like it’s about you when in reality I mostly just didn’t want to get hurt again. I didn’t want to go through that again, and that’s okay, but I shouldn’t have made you feel like it was something you could have changed.”
You try to process that. 
“Go through what?” You whisper hoarsely. Something about having him at such close range while he takes such care with you feels whisper-y. 
“Sleeping with someone who didn’t love me back.”
Your reply is small. 
“Oh. Right.”
How could anyone not love him back?
Spencer’s reply is simple and kind, without a hint of, obviously you dumb bitch—which is pretty much what you’re thinking to yourself. 
“Does that make sense, lovely? Do you understand why I wanted to wait?”
He lets you ponder for a while in comfortable-enough silence as he finishes removing your eye makeup with a characteristically gentle hand. When you open your eyes, he looks genuinely content, screwing the lid back on the bottle as if he’s got an eternity to wait for your answer. 
“Yeah. That part makes sense. But why did you seem so… I don’t know, like, wishy-washy about it?”
Spencer’s eyes dart up to meet yours, brows slightly raised. Then a small laugh bubbles up from somewhere inside him. 
“Because I’m obsessed with you. I thought about you like that constantly. I still do.”
Your breath catches at the casual admission. 
“Oh.”
Spencer hums, setting the bottle down before tenderly thumbing away some excess mascara that he must have missed from under your eye. 
“You didn’t think it was easy for me, did you?”
“Well… kind of,” you admit, tracking his eyes until they meet yours. 
“Not sleeping with you has been among the hardest things I’ve ever done. Especially when you started begging me. That first time, when I picked you up from Penelope’s and you asked me why we hadn’t had sex yet…”
He trails off, still rubbing at your cheek as he loses himself in thought. 
Eventually, you grow impatient, prompting, “what?”
“It’s not a nice thought.”
“Well, you have to tell me now,” you insist. 
He half smiles, thumb straying to your lips. 
“It was just… you had no idea what you were talking about, and you were ready to throw a tantrum in my living room until I gave you what you thought you wanted. Part of me was imagining bending you over the couch right then, since you thought you were so ready.”
It feels like someone has snipped the pulley that keeps your stomach in place. 
“Spencer,” you splutter, convinced your cheek is tangibly heating under his touch as your head reels at the revelation that he could have such a deeply dirty and mildly sinister mind. 
“I told you it wasn’t nice.”
You swallow. 
“Is that… is that still what you want?”
His brows flicker again and he tucks hair behind your ear. 
“To bend you over my couch? No.”
Your face warms even more and you turn to leave the bathroom, sick of his teasing. 
“Okay, goodni—”
“Hold on.” Spencer catches you by your waist and pulls you back into him for the second time tonight. A dangerous smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. “I know what you meant. And no, I don’t want to bend you over my couch.” He laughs, slipping a hand under your shirt to rub your back. “You know what I want. I’m more interested in learning what you want.”
“I want…” Your eyes dance between his, and your heart flutters against the confines of your chest as you realize what you’ve wanted for so long is finally yours for the taking. “I want to stop talking about it.”
His expression neutralizes and you know it’s probably intentional to stop whatever feelings you assume him to be having color your decision. 
“Oh?”
“I just think we’ve talked about it enough.”
Before he can say another word, or ask you another question, you kiss him with such passion there’s no way he can doubt how much you want this. 
Only a moment passes before he allows himself to lean into it, cupping your face between reverent hands and taking control of the pace of the kiss, slowing it down until you can hardly breathe. Your little noise of want has him quickening the process, pressing against you until you’re walking backward out of the bathroom. It’s like the first crack in a dam. After that, everything becomes inevitable. 
Your knees hit the back of the bed and you sit down hard on the mattress, smiling up at him. You skim the front of his thighs with your palms as he smooths your hair.
Spencer groans, leaning down and kissing you til you’re on your back. 
“Don’t make that face.”
An affronted huff from you breaks the kiss up and he pulls back to study your expression. 
“What do you mean don’t make that face? I was just smiling at you.”
“I know you were. And you have such a pretty smile it makes me feel guilty about… defiling you.”
Your brows flicker up and your mouth drops open with an affronted scoff.
“Watch yourself. I’ll defile you.”
“You already have,” he admits with a half-laugh as he kisses you again. “My mind was never this dirty before we met.”
“Hm. Tell me you like my smile.”
He pauses and then chuckles dryly against your mouth. 
“I love your smile. You’re gorgeous. Any more demands?”
Pleased, you shake your head and pull him closer, wrapping your legs around his waist. 
“Not currently.”
“Really?” he murmurs, trailing kisses over your cheek and down your jaw, “I’d do just about anything you asked me right now. You don’t want to take advantage of that?”
The sensation of his lips just below your ear threatens all rational thought in your brain, but you manage a reply with only a slight delay and a hint of a waver coloring your tone. 
“I shouldn’t have to demand things. You should just know to do them.”
His kisses drag lower, warm and unhurried and you’re trying not to let your hyper-sensitivity from going a week completely untouched show—but you doubt he misses the way your breath catches, or the barely audible squeaks, or the arch of your back or the tightening grip on his shirt. 
“Well, for future reference—” he nips at a sensitive spot and you gasp quietly, even as you tilt your head to offer him more access. More room to bite, if he so chooses. “—I happen to enjoy it when you make demands of me. Especially when those demands entail letting me call you pretty.”
“I’ve never not let you call me pretty before,” you huff. It’s a touchy subject, and Spencer can probably sense your hackles rising, but he has you right where he wants you and so he pushes anyway. 
“No. But you never believe me. We’ve had this conversation. You always act like I’m walking you to the gallows when I compliment you.” 
It’s hard to make a defense when he’s leaning his weight onto one arm so he can unbutton your jeans, when he’s looking down at you with sparkling onyx and scorched-earth eyes like you’re something to be consumed. But not violently, no—ardently. Like fruit heavy on the vine. Like you’re a religious rite to the devout and deluded. A sacrament.
But it’s not a blind passion. Spencer knows you; every inch of you and every loose thread on your soul begging to be pulled. He knows you and he still wants you like this. To be perfectly honest, you’d never thought you’d feel comfortable handing yourself over to someone like this—vulnerable and all your layers of armor shed. Never in your life would you have thought you could trust a person so implicitly that you’d hand them a knife and show them exactly where to press, that you’d say, I know once you open me and you see me you’ll not want to change a thing.
You adore him. Cosmically. Enormously. In every dimension. He’s lodged so deep in your heart you have no choice but to love him eternally. 
It’s deep in the midst of all these very profound revelations that you realize Spencer has stalled with your zipper undone. His hand has strayed to your hip, to sweetly push your shirt up and trace love letters into warmed and downy skin with his thumb. 
“I just wish you could see yourself how I see you,” he says softly, the weight of the truth a strain on his vocal cords. 
Sometimes, he is so kind it’s like a punch to your stomach. You’ve never been quite as kind as him. And nobody’s ever been as kind to you as he is. You’ve done nothing to deserve his kindness, but you know he needs a place for it, and you’re here with open arms. 
He studies you a moment longer, swallowing as his eyes trail over your face and lower. You want to reach out and brush strands of caramel hair out of his face, but he seems to be thinking so hard you’re hesitant to distract him. 
“I’ve never told you this, because I know you’d just shoot it down, but… you are genuinely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met in my life.”
Something twinges in the depths of your stomach—the darker shades who live there and exist solely to whisper not enough not enough not enough to you every minute of every day. 
But they’re simply not a match for the softness you find when you do reach out for his hair, or the way he looks at you. Spencer loosely wraps his fingers around your wrist—not a cuff, but an affectionate hold. 
“Do you believe me?”
There’s so much earnest hope in his voice it almost jars you. He so badly wants you to understand how feels about you—he’s been trying to tell you for months and all you know how to do is refute his praise and insist on your worthlessness. 
Ever since Spencer, you don’t see the faces on magazine covers or in superhero movies, no matter how mathematically flawless they are. Nobody gets close to being as beautiful as he is in your eyes. He’s in an entirely different echelon, and despite how you feel about yourself, you have to accept that he might feel the same about you. 
“I do,” you say, equally soft, and 100% honest. You believe that he believes it, and that’s enough. It’s all that matters. 
The shallow knit of his brow loosens. His lips ease into a suggestion of a smile. But it’s most visible in his eyes—the way smoldering coals reignite, melting the amber glass of his irises until they’re molten. 
The way he kisses you then, you’d think you’d lassoed the moon and pulled it down from the sky for him. But apparently all it takes to make him incandescently, contagiously happy, is to accept a compliment.
There’s a renewed sense of urgency on his breath as he kisses you deeply and quick enough your heart is racing. It only goes faster when he remembers his previous task and begins tugging your jeans down, but he doesn’t even bother to pull them past your knees before his hand is creeping up your thigh. Goosebumps race each other across your body as you try to remember what it feels like—what he feels like. But you can’t, even as his thumb fans over your inner thigh and pushes it open, gently encouraging you to give him more access to you. 
“You’re not wasting any time,” you breathe against him while he traces the edge of your underwear.
“Do you want me to slow down?”
Judging by the way the tips of his fingers only barely shy away from the fabric, he really wants the answer to be no. But you know in his searching gaze that he’d never push you. 
“No, it’s fine. As long as we… don’t go this fast the whole time.”
“We won’t.” The hasty words are of lower priority than the next kiss he plants to your swollen lips. “We won’t. I just missed you so much.”
“Yeah?” You giggle airily as he drags his fingers over your clit through the material, trying to ignore the way it makes your head spin. 
“Yes. Yeah.”
You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him like this, so… desperate for you, as he drops his lips to your neck and presses barely-there kisses everywhere he knows you’re sensitive. Just the feeling of his breath against your skin has you shivering. His hand between your legs only brushes your most nerve-dense spot, but a few touches in and you’re already wound up, like if Spencer doesn’t give you more soon you’ll burst. And not in the good way. 
When he finally commits to actually kissing your neck, you squeak, warmth emanating from that spot just below your jaw all the way to your toes. The frantic energy of earlier is slowly melting away, and he loses focus with his hand, as it begins straying wider, stroking your hip, your inner thigh, your stomach. It’s like your nerve endings are on overdrive, delivering twice as much feedback to your brain as they normally would. Each touch feels like he’s conducting electricity over your body, like you’re a plasma ball. He’d probably like that analogy—you, a core of alternating voltage, and him, the conductor, tracing a path and giving all those electrons an easy release. If you weren’t so distracted, you’d tell Spencer you found a way to work Nikola Tesla into your mutual sex life, and he’d probably propose on the spot. 
But that electricity is building fast—even more so when he drags his lips down just above your collarbone. Your breath hitches, simultaneously trying to crane your neck to give him more room, and curl into him so as to escape the stimulation. Finally he pulls away, and losing the softness of his mouth while the air feels so cold against the places he’d kissed almost hurts. 
“You’re a mess,” he chuckles affectionately, raising his hand to brush hair away from your face before stroking the heated high point of your cheek. “What am I going to do with you?”
It’s teasing, but so low and gentle and honeyed it swirls your stomach. 
“Whatever you want,” you admit quietly. It’s a shy confession more than it is a salacious flirtation because he already has you. And you want nothing more than for him to act on that in any way he so pleases. Whatever he does, it will be careful, and kind, and because he loves you. You know that no matter how he takes you apart—he’ll put you back together again. 
“I don’t know if I can. You’re all jumpy.”
God, he has the prettiest smile—even when it’s twisted with sarcasm and a thin veneer of guilt, like he knows he shouldn’t be teasing and just can’t help himself. 
“I’m not,” you defend, face heating further. “I’m not nervous. I don’t know what it is.”
That sticky sweet tone is back, pooling in his eyes and dripping all over you like nectar as he languidly looks you over. 
“I didn’t say you were nervous. Just a little bit jumpy.”
It’s not accusatory—he’s simply stating a fact. Easy, gentle, designed to soothe. 
You shrug helplessly and chew on your lip, unsure of how he wants you to respond. It’s definitely true that excited as you are, you’re slightly on edge. You feel taut as a string on a guitar, tense and waiting to be yanked at any second. 
His expression is serene, and his thoughts inscrutable as he continues lavishing you with his eyes, down to where he’s lying over you and back up. His lips part, but he doesn’t speak for a moment as he formulates his words. 
“Can we try something? There’s this tantric exercise that might help you relax.”
Your brows draw earnestly and you nod up at him, not requiring any convincing even though you have no idea what he’s talking about. 
Spencer directs you to sit up, and you do—kicking your jeans all the way off so you can sit criss-cross with your hands braced on your ankles. 
He’s next to you on the bed, at a slight angle, one of your knees in his lap. You blink at him. 
“Now what?”
“Now you give me one of your hands,” he says, tone tinted with a hint of an amused smile, as if your impatience is funny to him. Of course it probably is. 
Frowning only a little, you unlock your left arm and hold it out for him, watching curiously as he takes your one hand between his and flips it palm-up. 
“Did you know,” Spencer begins, voice low and confidential, “that the fingertips are the second most sensitive part of the human body?”
“What’s the first?”
“Lips,” he murmurs, eyes fixed on your hand where he’s brushing the tips of your fingers light enough it almost tickles. “They’re both incredibly important for keeping you alive, which is why they’re one and two. But you’ll be particularly sensitive anywhere you’re vulnerable.” His words are trailing off as he brushes his thumb over your palm and to the delicate skin of your wrist. “Like here.”
His knuckles skim up your forearm, to the crook of your elbow. 
“And especially here.”
You’re fascinated as he traces back down the length of your arm and over your inner-wrist, feather light. Then up once more, with the blunted edges of his nails, and your breath catches. You’ve never noticed how sensitive such an innocuous part of your body could be, but it has your stomach flipping—more so when he looses a breathy laugh. “You know, some people are actually able to reach orgasm just by light stimulation to this area.”
Your response is just as airy—you don’t recognize your voice when it comes out like that, hanging in the pitch black between you. 
“Really?” 
An affirmative hum from him, as he lifts your hand and places an intentional kiss over your pulse at the bend of your wrist. Your chest aches and heat is pooling in your stomach as his gently trails them up the delicate skin of your arm. Maybe you should be embarrassed by the reaction you’re having—after all, it’s just your arm. But he treats every part of you like it warrants love and attention and intimacy. Even the parts you typically ignore. Certainly parts you never considered to be sexually or romantically relevant. It’s dizzying. It’s like magic. 
“Arms up,” Spencer finally directs, just as sweetly as he’s doing everything else, and helps you tug your shirt over your head. Every brush of fabric, every seam against your skin registers more than it normally would. Everything is heightened, and despite your state of undress you’re still warm. “Your neck is really sensitive, too. It’s the most commonly acknowledged erogenous zone.”
Erogenous zone. Of course this all comes back to biology. 
“Tilt your head for me, honey.”
Utterly entranced and useless to not abide by him, you do so. Spencer brushes your hair over your shoulder, and if the slip of it down your back weren’t enough, the graze of his fingertips against the nape of your neck has you shivering. 
The warmth of him at your throat feels completely brand new, despite having already had his lips there only minutes before. But now they ghost over your skin with a kind of novelty, and your own lips part in silent pleasure, head lolling to allow him greater access.
“Lie back.”
Without hesitation (but perhaps a bit sluggishly in your stupor) you obey, sliding down until you’re propped up only by pillows once more. Spencer takes his place propped above you once more, thighs slotted with yours as he quickly picks up where he left off. 
The sweet kisses are perfect and feel so much better than you’d ever thought to notice before—but at the same time your core aches and there’s that pressure building again that’s starting to get to you. 
“Spencer,” you try, and it comes out hoarse but you don’t care at all. “More.”
“You want me to leave marks?” 
And the offer is so tempting you’ll wait a few more minutes to ask for what you really need, nodding semi-frantically and ‘mhm’-ing desperately. 
As he gently latches onto a spot that will require concealer later but feels fantastic for now, one of his hands slips down your side, just barely letting his nails skim, and your back actually arches. It’s a shocking amount of stimulation for being nowhere near any sexual hotspots. That tiny caught breath dissolves as his fingers continue down just as lightly over your hip and thigh. Your muscles tense as you chase and run away from the feeling. It’s ridiculous.
There’s no point in trying to keep your eyes open now—they grow heavy and you let them fall shut as he sucks another love bite to your throat. 
“Feels good, doesn’t it? It’s kind of weird.” He says, voicing your thoughts as he eventually decides the mark will be sufficiently dark. 
“Yeah,” you agree, lacking all eloquence as he caresses every sensitive place you didn’t know you had and your hips writhe minutely in a little desperate dance of your own creation. 
“Most people aren’t aware of the potential of the erogenous zones that aren’t actual sex organs. They don’t pay attention to them. You know what else is an interesting function of erotic stimulation to areas that aren’t directly involved in reproduction?”
“Hm,” you hum as his hand skims to your back. You lean into it and he promptly undoes your bra with a single hand—a skill you’re not even sure you have. 
“It releases not quite as much oxytocin as an orgasm but more than sexual pleasure alone. So you’re less tense before sex than you usually would be, and you’re primed to build more trust and feel more connected with your partner during.”
God, he’s a nerd. And it’s so, so hot. 
You roll over on your back again and look up at him through half-lidded eyes. The corner of his mouth flickers as he takes in your expression, before trailing downward, following the path his fingertips make over your skin as they tug the straps over your shoulders. Trying to stop him, to be shy, would be a pointless venture. He’s seen you like this and you want him to see you again. 
A shaky exhale of his own brings a little smile to your face as he pulls your bra away and observes the newly bared skin with a hunger that you can feel. 
“I missed you,” he murmurs, eyes cast pointedly down and thumb brushing over the side of your right breast. 
“You mentioned.”
“I’m not allowed to say it again?” He teases, leaning down to kiss you soft. Your lips curve against his. 
“You can say it as many times as you want.”
Spencer hums, finally thumbing over your breast’s sensitive peak. It sends a chill down your back and seeing as you’re already worked up to the point of near insanity, the pleasure from such a simple touch is much stronger than it would be otherwise. 
“Good. Because I missed you a lot.”
After that, he doesn’t waste much time—only toying with your flesh for another minute as he kisses you before his hand is skimming down your abdomen and dipping below the waistband of your underwear. 
“Please,” you whisper, tilting your hips toward him when he doesn’t move to touch you anymore. 
“Please what?”
“Spencer, don’t.”
He smiles at this, pressing another kiss to the corner of your mouth as his hand travels lower. Fingers slip between wet folds and he begins making the lightest of circles over your clit. 
“You’ve probably been waiting long enough, huh? I should be nicer.”
Your answer is a breathy almost-whine as you seek more friction against his hand. 
“Yeah.”
“Yeah,” he agrees, pressing down harder. The sensation sends sparks down to your toes and you attempt to clamp your legs shut around his wrist. “These need to stay open,” Spencer chuckles, “or else I can’t help you.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” The words are a sweet sing-song against your cheek as he kisses you there, before hooking his fingers into the fabric of your underwear and pulling down. You try to help wiggle out of them as best you can, gasping when he tosses them away and immediately returns his hand between your legs. He dips his head down, tongue lathing over your breast, and teases you with the tip of one finger circling around your entrance. 
“I need—”
“Shh. Let me worry about it.”
With that, he’s dipping his ring and middle fingers just barely inside of you to the first knuckle, then back out, before pushing a bit deeper, and repeating the cycle until they’re as far as they’ll go. When he slowly starts fucking you with them, still mouthing sweetly at your breast, you’re ready to melt. 
The room is quiet except for your breathy mewls, the lewd, wet sound of his fingers inside of you, and the blood rushing in your ears. Soon your breast pops from between his lips and he finds somewhere else to leave his mark. Spencer is turning you into a work of art, with his fingers, with his mouth. You don’t mind at all. You’d let him sign his name, if he could—but you doubt he’d let you get his name tattooed. 
Soon you stop fighting the perpetual tug of your lids down and let them flutter shut, loosing a freer moan as he brushes over that sweet spot inside you. Even when he’d told you how to find it over the phone, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t like this—maddening enough to have your hips twisting again and that hot bed of coals in your tummy sparking. 
“Spencer,” you warn, leg twitching as he stokes the fire beyond the point where you can passively enjoy it. Either he’s got to slow down or he’s got to let you burn all the way up. You practically jump when you feel his tongue flick over your clit—you hadn’t even been aware of his shifting positions. Maybe you’re more out of it than you’d previously thought. Your eyes shoot open and he does it again. “Oh, fuck.”
The words are simple, quiet, and apparently that’s not enough. Before you can even process the sensation of the tip of his tongue on you he’s latching onto your clit, suckling in a way that has your vision momentarily going out. You cry out and kick involuntarily, hips jumping up, but he captures your leg and presses you down into the mattress so no matter how much you squirm and squeak you can’t get away. 
“Fuckfuckfuck, Spencer I wa—ah—sn’t ready—oh my god.”
He remembers his fingers deep inside you and begins rutting them and you hiss, inhaling sharply through your teeth before letting it all out in a tremulous moan. The orgasm is building up so quickly it almost feels like an attack on your poor body as you try to process it all to no avail. Every sound you make is a vulnerable mess of pleasure and pain, a clear fear of surrendering to something inevitable. Of course, it doesn’t really hurt at all. As usual, he’s blindsided you. Found you unprepared. You rake your fingers through Spencer’s hair, continuing on with your shaky moans that sound half-worried. 
“Oh, please.” Really, you’re just pleading to be put out of your misery. It’s in moments like this, as the black is creeping in around the edges of your vision and your thoughts become threads in the tangle of an existence knotting in on itself with no discernible end or beginning in your mind until everything is completely abstract, that you’re reminded why the French refer to orgasm as the little death.  
Your fingers lace tight enough in the wilds of his hair to pull, and he groans against you, and those vibrations are your undoing. You succumb to the dark momentarily but he continues a loving assault of gentle kisses to your clit—careful enough so as to be inoffensive even after the euphoria abates and you’re hypersensitive, still relishing soft strands of hair between your knuckles. 
You’re breathing hard as you blink your vision back, looking down at him as he looks up at you from his place between your legs and rubs the top of your thigh.
“I wasn’t ready,” you pant, lips flashing into a tired smile that doesn’t hold a candle to his own livelier one. 
“Took it like a champ.”
If you weren’t already so warm his sarcastic comment would inspire more heat in the apples of your cheeks. 
“Dr. Spencer Reid using sports idioms?” You smile as he climbs back up your body. 
“It’s unreasonably sexy that you said idiom and not simile.” He kisses you, grin mirroring yours, and you don’t complain about the slick still on his lips. “And look at that. Not afraid to kiss me when I taste like you anymore.”
“I remember what you said,” you whisper, eyes bouncing between his, glowing amber pools in the low light. The words echo in your head from the first time he’d gone down on you and you’d been hesitant to taste yourself. 
One day, I’ll make you come just like that again, and then I’m going to fuck you, and you’re really going to want me to kiss you then, angel.
“So do I,” he points out needlessly. “Eerily prophetic, hm?”
“I think you just like going down on me,” you laugh. 
Without the light on, his smile is just as brilliant as usual.  
“You might be right about that.”
Another interlude of quiet begins, but you don’t mind it. Taking this slow, as desperate as you’ve been for it, feels nice. Easy. Waves of burning need ebb and flow, but for now, it feels nice to be bathed in his candlelight gaze, know you’re loved, and nothing else. 
“What next?” You whisper after a long moment, lifting your hand to trace the line of his jaw. He leans into it slightly, lips brushing your palm. 
“That’s up to you, angel. What’s going to make you feel most comfortable?” 
Your bottom lip rolls between your teeth as you think and he tracks the movement, corner of his mouth twitching fondly. 
“It might help if you weren’t fully clothed.”
“I think we could probably do something about that.”
He pecks the tip of your nose playfully and then he’s pushing off the bed. Your brow wrinkles as you follow suit only partially, sitting up with your legs folded under you and pulling the sheets over your body to combat the chill and the vulnerability of being completely naked. 
“Oh, my god. You had your shoes on that whole time?”
“I got distracted,” Spencer defends, almost tripping over himself in his hurry to slip the loafers off. 
You clutch the sheet to your chest, watching the adorable way he pushes his hair out of his face as he rushes. He’s so clearly excited—it shows in the flush of his cheek and his even worse than usual coordination. 
“But on my bed?”
“I’m sorry,” he says without seeming very apologetic, leaning down to catch your chin between his thumb and forefinger and pressing his lips to yours. “I’ll pay to have your comforter dry cleaned. I’ll buy you a new one. I don’t care.”
“How chivalrous.”
“I am,” he insists against your lips, shaped by what is surely a boyish smirk. 
Unsurprisingly, you get lost in the kiss, dropping the sheet to hang onto his shoulders. Spencer takes advantage of the once-more revealed skin, rubbing your thigh with slow passes in a way that has you all lit up again already. It doesn’t help that his tie is skimming right over the recess between your folded thighs as he leans over your seated form, kissing you deeper as the moments pass. 
“You’re distracting me now,” you scold, but your voice is quiet and smiley as your noses brush. 
“Do you want to help me with my clothes?”
You nod, heart hatching like a cocoon and already slipping a finger into the knot of his tie so you can tug perhaps not gently enough. He chuckles, bracing himself with his fists on either side of your lap as you pull and yank until the fabric comes loose and you slip it from around his neck, flinging it blindly for dramatic effect. Then he slowly draws back to his full height, until you’re about eye-level with his chest. His gaze fixes on you, feverish and intent as he finds the buckle of his belt without looking. The slide of leather on leather, the jingle of the metal has the hairs on the back of your neck rising and you fight a chill as he pins you with his stare—feeling rather powerless as he towers over you, still essentially fully clothed while you’re completely naked. 
You probably shouldn’t be as thrilled by it as you are. 
Spencer tosses the belt on the floor and watches on, utterly charmed as you rise to your knees. His hands find your waist, steadying you as you begin unbuttoning his shirt with slow, careful fingers. 
“See?” You murmur bashfully. “Helping.”
His voice is equally as soft. 
“Very helpful. Thank you.”
The tension in the quiet room gets to be too much and you have to focus hard on the task at hand, failing to bite back a twisty smile. For once, he keeps his stupid perfect mouth shut and lets you push the fabric of his open shirt from his shoulders in humid silence. 
Your fingers skate down his torso and you watch the muscles tense. You wonder if he notices the way he pulls you slightly closer or if it’s subconscious as you both track the path of your hands. 
“Your button is on the wrong side,” you note, voice wavering slightly, once your fingers stall at the waistband of his pants.
Spencer chuckles. You feel silly. 
“Men and women’s clothing tend to have the buttons on different sides, if that’s what you mean.”
“Oh.” A beat of silence, before the words come pouring out. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I’m still a little bit nervous, I think.”
“That’s okay,” Spencer assures you, hands gliding up and down the soft lines of your waist. “It’s okay that you’re nervous. But I’m going to take really good care of you, okay?”
You nod, not looking away from the exposed skin of his torso. 
“And if at any point you need to take a break or stop, you’ll tell me.”
“I will, but… I don’t need to stop right now.”
“Then you can go as slow as you want.”
You swallow and take a moment to gather yourself before continuing on undoing his pants. With his assistance, you pull them down, and with them his boxers tug an inch or two lower, exposing a subtle v-shape before it disappears beneath the waistband. The fabric is obviously tented. A ball of nervous anticipation spins faster in your stomach, drawing all the heat in your body down between your legs. He’s pretty everywhere. You’d nearly forgotten. 
Spencer’s stomach tenses under your light touch as you drag your fingers down, down, just to the waistband. It’s then that you look up at him for permission to continue, and find his eyes already on you, heated and intense. 
“Go ahead, honey.”
Again you find yourself quite excited to touch him, but you start cautiously, simply letting your hand fall over the shape of him through the fabric. Even that has his chest rising and falling at a slightly quickened rate, and one of his hands finds your unoccupied one, twining them together. That small gesture inspires you to bolden your explorations, becoming more insistent in the way you palm at him. He feels big, which is a concern of yours. But you try not to let that intimidate you.  
Already he’s quite hard, you suspect from going down on you earlier (which is flattering as much as it embarrasses you) and your fingers graze a small wet patch of fabric. You fixate on the shaky little breath he releases as you push down his boxers with new fervor, and his cock springs up. 
He’s still perfect. 
You smear beads of precum down his tip, and he sighs, letting his head fall against yours as you both watch. A few coquettish pumps and he’s humming, kissing your face and dragging his lips down your neck where he makes a home for himself. Apparently the sight of your hand wrapped around him had been too much to bear. 
“So good. Missed this.”
“It’s just my hand,” you whisper, a little insecure that he’s maybe playing it up for your benefit. 
“It’s you.”
His voice is so breathy, you sort of have to believe him. 
“Can I…?”
Too nervous to voice what you really mean, you trail off, but it apparently doesn’t matter to Spencer. He lifts his head like he’s in a stupor but you’ve said something urgent. 
“Anything you want. You can do whatever you want.”
“Okay. Um…”
You let go of his hand (and his dick). Spencer automatically rotates to accommodate you as you end up on your knees on the wooden floor in front of him. 
“This is what you want?” He breathes, already pushing his fingers through your hair and gathering it back as you look up at him and nod. 
Very quickly you have him back in your hand, trying to remember what you learned from the few times you’ve done this. You start perhaps a bit softer, less eager to prove yourself than you have in the past—simply dragging him over your tongue before enveloping his tip in your mouth, and releasing with a pop. Despite being overtly, explicitly, and undeniably sexual, there’s something almost chaste about the way you handle him. It’s a (dirty) expression of love, and you think he understands that as he rubs at your cheek affectionately. 
Eventually, however, you get too excited, and you take him into your mouth in earnest, bobbing your head slowly and seeing how much of him you can take without gagging. 
Spencer makes the prettiest noises—they’re breathy, and not ostentatious, but he’s got such a nice speaking voice it’s like his gasps are bars in a song. You whine around him, wriggling your hips in a rather pathetic display, and then all too quickly he’s tugging your hair so you can’t keep him in your mouth. 
“What?” You ask, closer to pouting than you’d care to admit and voice slightly hoarse. “You said I could do anything I want.”
“Not if you’re that good at it. Come here.”
He helps you up and catches you in a deep, messy kiss before you’ve fully regained your footing, swaying against him, but he holds you fast, pulling away slow like strings of honey trail between your mouths. 
Spencer’s eyes are fixed on yours, lips parted in a sort of wonder before he glances down to your own mouth, wiping the shine from your bottom lip. Any moment you’re expecting him to say something, to tell you you’re beautiful or perfect or that he’s in love with you—but instead he just meets your eyes again, that same wonder-struck look on his pretty face. A tiny, breathy laugh forces itself from his chest like you’re a genuine miracle. 
You feel so observed—seen in a way you’ve never been seen, looked at closer than anyone has ever looked at you before. And he still looks at you like you’re the human embodiment of love, the closest mortal manifestation of the divine, Galatea come down from her marble pedestal. The way he looks at you has your heart pounding and your breathing hastened. Adoration has never been something so physical, so tangible, ever before in your life. Your blood hums at the frequency of his electromagnetic field—an energetic aura that surrounds each person and can be detected from several feet away, as he’d explained it to you. It originates from the heart and if you spend enough time close to  someone, syncs up the beating of your most vital organ with theirs until it’s a perfect match. Maybe that’s why, almost as quickly as your heart had begun to pound, it slows again, and you feel any reservation flush from your body like a fever. 
“Okay,” you breathe, cataloguing every angle and curve of his face to store with all the rest, all the moments that feel important. Of course, you’ll never remember them like he does yours. But you’ll be damned if you don’t try your hardest. 
“Okay?” Spencer asks. He understands the confirmation for what it is, and searches for signs of hesitation on your face while rubbing reassuring circles into your hip. You nod resolutely. 
As he lays you down on your bed, it feels like you’re entering some kind of altered state. Everything is muted and glowing with a watercolor aura in the dark and you really only care about the man on top of you and the way moonlight dances on his skin and the way he smells like smoky amber and rain. He makes sure the pillows are fluffed under you, before sweeping your hair from beneath your shoulders into a corona around your head. All the while his eyes are so soft on you, just like his hands, and his lips when he leans down to touch them to yours. 
One of said hands finds its way to your jaw, trailing down over your neck and collarbone, before settling over your breast where he swipes a thumb over your nipple, lightly, slowly, several times. 
Once again you’re struck with the odd feeling, even with his hand on you like this, that the situation isn’t sexual in the way you’d anticipated. It’s not pornographic, or even very dirty. Everything Spencer does, even as his hand sneaks down between your legs, he does because he loves you. 
“One more like this,” he mutters against your jaw after a moment. 
“Why?”
Your impatience yields a smile you can only feel against your skin. 
“Just want you relaxed and feeling good. That’s all.”
When you assent, his fingers are already slowly pushing inside you. 
It seems you’ve entered some sort of time warp as well, because you reach a gentle peak in what feels like record time, aided by his easy murmurings and saccharine praise.
“Perfect. That was perfect,” Spencer says with a kiss to your shoulder as he slides his fingers from you and you feel yourself literally dripping onto the sheets. “Can I ask you something before we get carried away?”
“Mhm,” you hum, sweet and compliant as pleasure dulls your inhibitions for the second time tonight and your head lolls into the pillows. 
“Baby,” he croons, voice soft as worn paper as your lids flutter and lashes brush febrile cheeks, thumbing over the heated skin. “Need you a little more alert, sweet girl.”
“’M trying,” you whine, though it’s half self-effacing laugh. Spencer chuckles too as you shake your head and take a deep breath, trying to reinvigorate yourself. “Okay. Go.”
“Well… we don’t have any protection.” Before you can groan, loudly, he hurries on. “And that’s… I’m okay with that, if it’s what you still want. I trust you. But there will come… a moment of reckoning. And I need to know where I should… reckon. So you don’t end up surprised.”
Now you’re really laughing—a giggly mess beneath him as your arms loop over his shoulders. 
“Stop it,” he whines, pressing his nose to your cheek as you turn your head in an effort to not snort at your boyfriend to his face. “That was for your benefit, you know. You get squeamish.”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t take you seriously when you refer to it as reckoning.”
“Fine. I’ll rephrase. When I come, you essentially have two options. Inside, or on your stomach. Tell me where you want it.”
Your breath catches and your stomach does that tripping-over-itself thing again. 
“Um…”
Another fond half laugh, at your expense, is pressed against your skin. It’s enough to prompt you into answering—he doesn’t have to say anything to make his point about your being squeamish. 
“Inside,” you mutter, shy as you attempt to bring him closer so he won’t be able to look at you quite so closely. You wonder if he’s remembering the conversation you’d had over the phone last week—before he’d accidentally kind of broken up with you—about this very subject. You certainly are. 
“Okay. I want you to have everything that you want.” A few kisses to your neck later, between nips, he speaks again. “Just need to hear that you want this one more time.”
“I want this,” you repeat, obedient and honest, plain and simple. “Now, please.”
Spencer responds by first kissing you, firm and loving. It soothes you, and he punctuates it with a kiss to your cheek, before he’s reaching down and guiding himself between your legs. You feel surprisingly calm, more overcome with love and the light pleasure rolling down your back as he drags himself over your clit than you are by nerves. Still, you pointedly hold his gaze, not looking down in case you psych yourself out. He slots himself in place, tip resting against your entrance. 
“Remember, if you need to stop at any point—”
“I remember,” you cut him off hurriedly. 
Okay. So perhaps you’re still slightly nervous. 
He watches you, sympathetic though you’re not sure what for. 
“I need you as relaxed as possible, okay? I want this to be easy on you.”
You take a moment, scanning your whole body for tense muscles. When you feel sufficiently relaxed, you offer Spencer a small nod, and at that, he begins pushing into you ever so slightly. 
At first, it just feels foreign. He’s going so slowly, so carefully, you’re not sure he’s moving at all—until he finds resistance and the odd full feeling changes to a hint of burning stretch. Your hips jump and your breath catches, and Spencer stops immediately, relieving the pressure with a tiny shift in position. 
“It’s gonna hurt,” you realize, eyes darting between his like he might be able to tell you otherwise. You’d always been aware of the possibility, but you were holding out hope that you’d be one of those people who didn’t experience any pain their first time. 
“Just for a minute. Then it’ll feel good, angel.”
You swallow and nod. At the end of the day, you trust him completely. You trust him enough to let him hurt you. 
“Super deep breaths for me.”
He watches intently as you follow his directions, taking several deep breaths in succession, before he begins pushing into you once more. The pressure builds and builds until he pushes past that point of resistance, and it’s like he’s breaking you in two. 
“Ah,” you gasp, abs twisting as your body tries to escape the sensation without any input from you. 
“I know. I know, baby, that was the hardest part. Breathe.”
He drops his thumb to your clit, rubbing circles with light pressure to distract from the pain.
You nod, lips pressed together tight as the deep ache muddles your brain. It’s an insistent pressure against something does not seem to want to budge. It burns and stretches and is laced with sour, flirtatious pleasure so that you can hardly tell what it is you’re feeling. Mostly, you’re dizzy and hot.
“Relax, just like that,” he strains, looking down. “My good girl. We’re almost there, baby.”
Cries spill unbidden from your mouth and your eyes shut as he continues to open you up deeper, until finally, finally, his hips settle into the cradle of yours. 
Spencer sighs a curse under his breath, so quiet you don’t think it was meant for you. 
He’s inside of you. It’s bizarre. 
You whimper, and he snaps out of whatever revery he’d been in. 
“You okay? How does that feel?”
You take a shuddering breath, closing your eyes and trying to clear your head to no avail—your thoughts are like TV static. 
“I’m good. I need… I need a minute.”
“You can have as much time as you need. It’s a lot, huh?”
“Yeah,” you admit, voice small and weak. 
“I bet,” he agrees, peppering soft kisses all over your face. “But you’re doing so well. Proud of you, brave girl. You’re doing so well and we’re gonna make sure it feels good soon, okay? Whenever you’re ready.”
“Will you please kiss me again?” you whisper, and Spencer’s brow knits with concern. 
“Of course, angel. Of course I’ll kiss you,” he says, and makes good on his promise with his lips on yours. It sweetens the ache. “I’ll do whatever you want. You can have anything. You’re so perfect.”
He kisses you again, just as lovingly, and soft, like you’re delicate. All the praise is only contributing to your lightheadedness, but you don’t mind at all. It feels good. 
“You can… you can move.”
“Okay. We’ll go really slow, yeah?”
He waits for your nod before his hips are pulling back and you arch at the odd sensation. When he pushes back in, eyes carefully locked on yours the whole time, you keen slightly, frowning and brain shorting out as it tries and fails to process this new feeling. 
“Uh-huh. You’re okay, I promise.”
At first it doesn’t feel good. It mostly hurts. But slowly, the pain begins to abate as you acclimate to having him inside of you, and he’s careful the whole time. 
“Spence?” 
“Hm?”
He sounds concentrated on the task at hand—you’re entranced by the sight of him above you, the parted lips, the unkempt hair over the brow furrowed in pleasure and focus. But he’s never too busy for you. 
“Does it… um—” you pause to hold back a whine—“what does it feel like for you?”
At this, he slows even further and chuckles—it’s a strained, slightly breathy sound. 
“For me?”
“Mhm.”
“You feel perfect, baby. You feel so fucking good.”
The slight fry in Spencer’s voice as he curses, which is a rare event in and of itself, flips your stomach, turns you on immensely. The idea that you’re giving him pleasure too—it’s almost overwhelming. That’s when it starts feeling good. 
“Oh—” you squeak, jaw dropping and bucking your hips inadvertently as the first bolt of true pleasure shocks deep in your core. He hums. 
“Yeah, is that it, sweet girl?”
But you can’t answer for a long moment. Your brain is melting as your legs lock around him. 
“Mm—it’s—it feels…”
“I know it does,” Spencer murmurs.
You whine and press your face into the curve of his shoulder as each thrust gently rocks your body. As the pace picks up bit by bit, you feel yourself clenching hard around him. His hips stutter and he hisses. 
“Ah. Can’t do that, lovely.”
“What? Did I hurt you?”
He laughs breathily. 
“No, you didn’t hurt me. You almost pushed me out. You have to relax.”
“Sorry,” you whisper. “’M trying.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. I know you’re trying, baby, you’re being so good for me.”
Your nails skim his back—a small expression of a much larger desperation. Once he’s sure you’re relaxed around him, begins going faster. 
Your gasps and soft moans come more often now as he finds a steady rhythm and it feels so different when he’s actually fucking you. It feels like he’s everywhere. Every time your hips meet you feel the sweet shock of it in your teeth, your toes, the back of your neck. In the best way, you feel consumed by him. It’s not at all like you’d imagined, and it’s perfect. 
“Wait, Spencer,” you breathe, struggling to form the words. Immediately he stops again, lifting his head from your shoulder to examine your face. 
“What is it?”
He sounds just as wrecked as you feel, panting and strained and it feels good to hear. 
“I wanna watch.”
For a moment his eyes dart between yours like he’s trying to determine what you really mean—but you said exactly what you meant. Then he laughs, a huff of air from his nose as he presses his head to yours and gives you a quick kiss.
Your toes curl as he readjusts his position, holding himself a little higher and resting your heads together so you can both look between your bodies. 
“There,” he murmurs as he slowly begins to withdraw again. “Like that?”
But you can’t answer, because you’re too busy whimpering at the sight of him pushing into you. The feeling seems to increase tenfold as you watch it happen. Distantly you wonder how the fuck it fits. 
“Yeah,” you whisper. “Like that.”
Spencer takes this as a blessing to find a pace again, slower now as he seems to be just as enthralled by the sight as you are. 
“Give me your leg,” he rasps after a few moments like that, and you don’t know what he means exactly but you lift your right leg slightly only for him to press his hand to the back of your knee and push toward your chest, effectively opening you up and giving him more range of motion. It also enables him to fuck you even deeper. Again he slows, apparently savoring the feel of you yielding around him all the way down to the hilt. 
Black spots dance in your eyes as he settles at your deepest point—not pain, necessarily, just overwhelming sensation. Your jaw drops and you choke out a moan as he presses into recesses you didn’t know you had, as he shows you a part that you might have gone the rest of your life without knowing existed. He stops there, like that. Everything stops there, like that. If the cars on the road below ceased to drive, if the airplanes froze in the sky, you’d not be the least bit surprised. Somehow, you’ve unlocked a small eternity. There’s no sound but your joint heavy breathing and your heart pounding in your ears. The words just come bubbling up out of you in a little whine. 
“I love you.”
Spencer’s breath pauses for a moment before he’s letting it all out at once, brushing his lips up the ridge of your nose before they settle on your forehead in what seems like a permanent kiss. A few breaths in, you allow your eyes to flutter shut. Your heart rate slows down a touch, and you settle into the moment, never having been quite so content as you are like this—never having felt quite so adored and safe. 
“I love you,” he finally echoes, voice rasping, lips still pressed to your skin, still breathing against your hair. When he starts to move again, drawing back ever so slowly, you hiss softly. He raises his head from yours, and you look away from where he’s pulling out, meeting his eyes just in time for him to push back in, just as deep. They shine in the mostly-dark room and you moan unabashedly. It’s a high-pitched, sweet thing, nothing that will have the neighbors complaining—but so clearly true, from the depths of your soul, an expression of everything you’re feeling—not just the pleasure. 
Although that’s good, too, as Spencer shapes you to him again and again, the head of his cock kissing places nobody’s ever been and places you hope nobody else will ever venture to. This is all you need. Him. 
“Jesus,” Spencer groans, eyes fixed on your face as he fucks you slowly. But you can’t bring yourself to talk, too new to this kind of pleasure to find it anything other than mind-boggling and world altering. Your lips are still parted, allowing each sound to pass without filter. “Listen to you, beautiful.”
When he stops again, just to look down and marvel at you, you’re conflicted. On the one hand, you can taste the pleasure on the back of your tongue and he keeps taking it away when it’s so close. But on the other—you’re just as overwhelmed as he said you’d be. Your body has never had to process this kind of sensory information before, and you’re exhausted, but it’s so good. 
“Spencer,” you manage. He looks up, pupils blown and eyes lidded where they’d normally be wide. “Please don’t stop.”
He swallows, spurred into action again as soon as you say it. 
“Good?”
You nod and whine again as he picks up the pace bit by bit, remembering to push your leg back once more so he can get as deep as you need him. 
“So good,” you exhale at the top pitch of your voice. Your brows pinch and you release a fuller moan as Spencer finds a speed that’s fast enough to constantly feel good no matter where he is. You’re gasping for breath, back arching—and he finds a new angle, catching against the spot inside you that renders all those years of human evolution that gave you sentience and intelligence a waste. He chuckles airily at your series of series of affronted moans and halted gasps. 
“Right there? That's a good spot, isn’t it?”
“Oh, go—fuck, fuck!”
It feels so good it almost hurts, and your eyes are stinging to prove it. Your legs clamp tighter around him and you realize there’s a very lewd wet sound and you can’t believe that’s you. 
“Spencer, you’re—oh my god, I love you,” you whine, and it sounds like you’re pleading for your life. At this makes his own sound of pleasure, and hastens his messy circles on your clit as if in reward. 
But it’s too much all combined. 
Your hand claps to your mouth to obscure the loud, licentious moan that comes out—but Spencer immediately moves his hand from between your legs to grab your wrist and pin it gently to the bed, intertwining your fingers. 
“Don’t do that. Let me hear.”
You nod, and he lets go of your hand to return his fingers to your clit. If possible you get wetter around his cock—you can feel yourself gushing. 
“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you whine as if pained. 
“Yeah? Gonna finally let me feel you cumming, angel?”
He has a filthy mouth when he wants to. The words hit like high voltage to your core and the very pit of your stomach. You can’t even respond beyond a desperate sob. 
“Show me, baby. I’m right here. Let go.”
You cum around his cock with a broken cry and it’s like a purge of every drop of angst you’d felt over the past week or so—hell, it’s a purge of all the insecurities that had bubbled to the surface since you started dating him. None of it matters anymore. How could it matter when you have him? When you have this?
The orgasm washes you out like a tidal wave, taking everything with it. It’s strong, and it’s so good, so intense, your body is overwrought with sensation and it’s too much even though it’s perfect. Your brain is drawing a blank as it tries to react to the feeling, and it’s like every button on the damn panel has been hit. 
“Fuck, I’m close,” Spencer grits, and you feel it in the way he adjusts his position, shifting as he grips at the edge of the mattress for leverage and the thrusts become messier, needier. You gasp as his other hand tangles in your hair, turning your head to ghost your lips over his forearm. It’s not entirely surprising when his own lips find your shoulder—but the feeling of him finding his release just as his teeth sink into your skin does come as quite a shock. It doesn’t hurt, and you’re sure there’s no skin broken, but it’s an undeniable fact that he has grounded himself in the throes of passion by biting down on you.
Inside you, he feels hot. Searing, almost, as his spend tries to fill space that doesn’t exist. There is absolutely no room for anything else inside of you. Stars dance in your eyes at the overstimulation, but long after he’s finished he’s still fucking into you—albeit much slower and with far less technique. Spencer moans like a two bit whore, like he’s reached pain to a point of ecstasy, and to you it’s as good, as special as the singing of the planets. If he’s as sensitive as you are now, it’s no small feat for him to keep going on like this. It’s a testament to how much he doesn’t want it to be over. The pleasure is carrying him away, but you’re beginning to feel how soft you must be and how if he continues on like this you may bruise like an overripe peach. 
“Spencer,” you manage, skating your hand up and down his back in what you hope are soothing lines. “Baby.”
He whines as his lips detach from your shoulder, but his hips finally slow to a stop, nestled inside you. 
“Jesus, fuck, I'm sorry,” he breathes, opting now to bury his face in your neck (with significantly less biting this time).
You’re still reeling, toes still curled, still struggling to breathe as your head spins and spins and spins. His chest pushes against yours with every heaving breath, hot and heavy on your skin, and that’s the only sign he’s still alive until his hand eventually reanimates in your hair, scratching your head tenderly. 
For a span of minutes, you stay like that—silent, twined together like caducean serpents. His weight on top of you is perfect. This, the lack of differentiation between your body and his, is perfect. You don’t know where he ends and you begin and you don’t need to. It’s a blissful moment. 
“Hey.”
Spencer’s voice is hoarse when he finally speaks, lifting his head to look at you with flushed cheeks and messy hair and sparkly eyes. 
“Hi.”
He smiles. 
“You’re so pretty.”
“You too,” you murmur, moving your hand from his back and pressing your thumb into the hollow of his cheek. His eyes map the curves of your face as he pushes your surely askew hair back. 
“How do you feel?”
It takes you a moment to seriously consider his question, scanning your body for any undue pains, but for the moment, you find none, beyond a dull aching throb that you can manage. 
“Good. Tired.”
You wince at the uncomfortable feeling of him pulling out. Spencer hums sympathetically and presses a sticky kiss to your lips which makes it a little better, though you can’t ignore how uncomfortable all the previously pleasant wetness has become between your legs. 
“Here—stay here, I’ll get a wash cloth and—”
“It’s fine,” you insist, holding on even as he tries to roll off of you. “I just need… will you stay here for a little bit?”
“Of course,” he promises, now pressed close to your side and propped up on an elbow, “whatever you want.”
You lavish in his gaze, warm like a spotlight, as he strokes your cheek and plays with your hair. Very quickly you’re lulled into a doze, eyes fluttering shut. Minutes stretch. You feel drunk on waking dreams, and perfectly at peace. Safe. 
“Angel girl,” he christens you fondly. More than anything, it’s an observation, so lovely it sinks into your skin like a balm, soothing every tired muscle and little mark he’d made. Even half-asleep, it makes you smile. 
“You’re an angel,” you slur, reaching blindly for him, and he chuckles, catching your wrist and helpfully settling your hand on his cheek. 
“I thought you were asleep.”
You hum, “mm-mm,” looking up at him with just as much adoration as he has for you. Those cuddle hormones must be kicking in because soon you’re attempting to pull him back on top of you. He doesn’t quite comply, probably for fear of crushing you—rather he settles next to you, gathering you in his arms. 
Silence blankets the two of you, but it’s not unpleasant as you just watch each other with barely-there smiles curling your mouths. This kind of intimacy still manages to give you butterflies, even after everything else you’ve done. This kind of satisfaction, reverie in the sound of each other’s blood flowing and lungs filling. Setting aside words because you don’t need conversation as a pretense for wanting to be around each other anymore. You don’t need an excuse to look at him like this. You don’t need words any more than you need clothes. It’s enough to just be. 
“I love you,” he says, a soft reminder, and entirely redundant with the way he’d already been looking at you, touching you. 
“I know. I love you too.”
The smile flickers brighter on his face. 
“And thank you.”
Your eyes narrow minutely as you consider what he could possibly be thanking you for. 
“For what?”
“For loving me. And trusting me. It’s…” your heart squeezes as you realizes tears are pooling in his eyes. He takes a moment and clears his throat. It’s incredibly endearing. “It means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.”
You look down, thumbing at the sheets where you’ve hoisted them over your bodies. 
“You do realize how lame we are if we have sex and both immediately start crying, right?”
At this he laughs loudly but not loud enough to pop the little bubble you’re in, and you look up just in time to catch the brilliance of his smile, the way it changes his whole face and he becomes superhuman in his beauty, the lines that form by his eyes and the way they narrow and crystalline tears bead his lashes like precious gems. 
“Don’t cry,” he requests gently, hypocritically as your own eyes sting. The way his smile fades is like the sun setting. Gorgeous, like everything else he does. “You’ve cried so much, honey. Please don’t cry.”
You sniffle, gathering yourself. 
“I’m not. That would be pathetic.”
Spender leans forward to kiss you tenderly a few more times. Ordinarily you’d worry about coming across as clingy when you hold onto him so closely and so insistently like this, but for now you don’t care. Neither does he, it seems, as he seems unable to get you close enough. Eventually, you end up curled against him, head tucked under his chin and dozing on and off as he traces shapes into your skin. 
“What are you writing?” You mumble some time later, cheek smushed against his shoulder. He only responds with a soft hm, like he was lost deep in thought. You clarify, “it feels like you were writing something.”
“She Walks in Beauty.”
Your lips pull into a sleepy smile. 
“The Lord Byron poem?”
The first time you’d met Spencer, he’d inadvertently caused your painstakingly annotated copy of Lord Byron’s works to go flying all over a cafe, and then kindly helped clean up the pages and reorder them for you in record time. Among the poems had been She Walks in Beauty. 
“Yeah. I was trying to figure out when exactly I fell in love with you, and as someone who is deeply skeptical about love at first sight, I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I keep coming back to our first conversation. I mean, I believe in genetic compatibility, and how that contributes to attraction and what we think of as chemistry, but—”
“Wait, what about our first conversation did it?” Your cheeks ache from smiling as you speak. “As I recall I was being a bitch and I was covered in coffee.”
He laughs dreamily, still tracing letters over the small of your back. You wonder what part of the poem he’s at now. 
“Yeah, mean to me and covered in coffee is pretty much exactly my type. But I think it was actually the annotations on that copy of Lord Byron’s works. They were so insightful, and personal, I—it kind of took my breath away, and I know I shouldn’t have read them all but I couldn’t stop. You were compelling, and charming, and funny and wildly intelligent and beautiful and… and I didn’t stand a chance.”
Everything aches. It’s a good ache. Despite being seconds from tearing up all over again, you snort. He never told you about that first day.
“You thought me writing ‘sister fucker’ in all caps every time he mentioned Augusta was charming?”
“Oh, obscenely so. But now that I’m looking back, I feel like… I feel like I can’t remember not being in love with you. I mean, I remember when I realized I was, and that was later. But it was like I met you, and then I was just… waiting for you to catch up.”
You grab his hand and interlace your fingers, watching the way the ambient nighttime light from the window and the bathroom dips them half in color. 
“We were pretty much on the same page. I was debating courthouse versus small intimate ceremony as soon as you left.”
You watch him watching your joined hands, features soft and relaxed, fiddling with your fingers absentmindedly as he speaks. 
“Definitely small intimate ceremony. I have too many friends who would kill me if they weren’t invited to the wedding.”
You giggle and pretend the thought doesn’t give you butterflies. You imagine a ring on your finger, the one he’s got between his own. Marriage had never been something you’d considered. Not when you had no reason to. It seemed like something for other people. But maybe one day, it will be for you, too. 
“Did you know Lord Byron had a daughter who is regarded by many as the first computer programmer? She wrote the first algorithm for a theoretical machine that was so complex it couldn’t be built with the technology available at the time. It was called an Analytical Engine.”
He sounds almost wistful as he gives you the utterly unprompted, but still welcome, abridged version of her life. The description is ringing a bell—but you can’t quite place her, sleepy as you are.  
“What was her name?”
“Ada Lovelace. She was exceptionally gifted. The odds of parent and child being so extraordinary in their respective fields are incalculable, but from a purely theoretical perspective, negligible. I mean, they’re both massive historical figureheads. That’s extremely uncommon.”
You adore it when he goes off on these tangents—the passion that stains his voice, the ardor that grips him until he has no choice but to tell you exactly what’s got him so excited. You could listen to him talk for hours. It means he’s here with you, and he wants you to love what he loves. 
Since he met you, that’s all Spencer has wanted—for you to love what he loves. 
You want the same. 
“Pretty name,” you murmur, eyes fluttering shut. “Tell me more.” 
-
part eight
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death-of-cats ¡ 11 months ago
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dustin with theon at the wedding has major drunk!cersei & sansa during the battle of the black water vibes
adwd theon is soooo fucking funny. he's tortured beyond recogintion even by himself and forced to see a girl he knows from childhood go through the same thing. he's lost everything he once held dear. theres muderers and cannibals stalking the castle. his only friend is a milf who hates everyone and starts talking to him about how the maesters faked 9/11 and how she wants to feed his surrogate fathers bones to her dogs
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just-aake ¡ 9 months ago
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Flustered Crushes
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Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader
Summary: The Black Widow does not get flustered. So why is it that Natasha can’t seem to stop embarrassing herself in front of you?
Warnings: fluff
Words: 2795
At the edge of the bustling hangar bay, Natasha leans against the cold, metallic wall, her arms folded tightly, a faint frown etched across her brow as her sharp gaze observes the scene unfolding before her. 
Near the base of the Quinjet’s ramp, you are engaged in animated conversation with Carol Danvers, who happened to arrive at the compound for a quick visit precisely when you returned from your mission.  
You've been with the Avengers for a few months now, a former SHIELD agent seamlessly adjusting to the team dynamics. 
Over time, you've connected with everyone—including her. 
So, Natasha’s made an extra effort to help you feel welcome. 
Clint often teases her about her behavior, insisting her attentiveness borders on something more personal, something like a…crush. 
Natasha dismisses his comments each time with a roll of her eyes. 
She’s just being nice. 
After all, it's only natural to want a solid, dependable relationship with a new teammate, especially someone she'll be working closely with.
That’s the only reason why she came to greet you when you return from your mission.
At least, that’s what she tells herself as she stands there, alone, on the sidelines…not with you. 
Natasha watches Carol say something that makes you laugh, causing her faint frown to deepen.
The flash of amusement in your eyes as Carol grins back makes Natasha roll her eyes and look away, unable to take the sight anymore as a pang of irritation tightens in her chest.
She tries to shake it off, but it doesn’t disappear.
After all, it’s not like she got here an hour before your scheduled return and waited to see you…just to end up watching as the blonde space beauty swoop in, effortlessly captivating your attention.
Deciding she’s had enough, Natasha pushes herself off the wall, preparing to leave.
However, her abrupt movement catches others around her off guard, and she ends up bumping into a passing cart loaded with tools and equipment. 
A clattering sound echoes across the hangar as wrenches and bolts spill onto the floor. 
Natasha curses softly under her breath, a mix of pain and embarrassment coloring her cheeks as she drops to gather the scattered items, apologizing hastily to the technician she collided with before quickly exiting the area.
In her haste, she doesn’t notice your gaze, the subtle smile tugging at your lips as you follow her with amused eyes, tracking her every flustered move across the hangar bay, even as she slips away without a backward glance.
~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~
“So, how’s it going with your crush?” Clint asks, a playful glint in his eyes as he watches Natasha.
Natasha shoots him a warning look that would strike fear into the most fearsome of villains.
Without a word, she grabs the coffee pot, filling his mug before pouring some for herself. She replaces the pot with a decisive click.
“There is no crush,” she states firmly, taking a sip as though punctuating her denial.
“Are you sure about that?” Clint asks skeptically before continuing, “Whenever Y/n’s around, it’s like you lose all of your charm and coolness.” 
Natasha gives him an unimpressed glare. 
“Really? Coolness? That’s the best you’ve got?”
Clint smirks, raising his mug in mock salute.
“Ask me again after I finish this coffee.”
She rolls her eyes, holding her mug close, feeling the warm comfort seep into her hands.
Just as she brings it to her lips, the doors swing open, and Tony strolls into the kitchen, spotting them with their drinks. 
“Oh, coffee! Pour me a cup, Romanoff.”
“Pour your own,” Natasha mutters, savoring her next sip. 
Tony feigns hurt, pressing a hand to his chest in mock shock. 
“FRIDAY, remind me, who owns this building?” 
“You do, sir,” the AI replies smoothly. 
Tony gestures upward triumphantly at her before pointing towards the kitchen. 
“So, technically, that machine is mine, the beans are mine, and...oh, right, that pot of coffee is also mine.” 
Natasha rolls her eyes but eventually reaches for the pot, lifting it begrudgingly.
Tony holds out his mug with a victorious grin. 
But just as she hovers the pot above his cup, she stops short.
“A ‘please’ once in a while wouldn’t hurt.”
Tony’s eyes widen, and he gasps in exaggerated disbelief as Natasha raises a brow in expectation.
Huffing, he mutters, “Can I have some coffee, please?”
“See, that wasn’t so hard,” Natasha quips with a smirk, preparing to pour him his coffee.
At that moment, the elevator dings, and the doors slide open to reveal you, fresh from your morning workout, dressed in your training gear.
You walk by the kitchen, spotting the other Avengers gathered around. 
A delighted smile spreads across your face. 
“Ooh, coffee! Can I have some, too?” 
Natasha’s response is instant. 
“Sure, I’ll make you a new pot.” 
Her tone is warmer than usual, surprising even herself.
You beam at her, and Natasha feels herself pause, momentarily captivated by the sight. Distracted, she almost misses your following words. 
“Thanks, Natasha! Let me change, and I’ll be right back.”
You slip through the doors, leaving Natasha blinking, still trying to regain her composure. 
Tony watches with raised eyebrows. 
“Wait a second—she didn’t even say ‘please,’ and you’re making her a whole new pot?”
Natasha’s eyes narrow as she holds the pot just out of reach of Tony’s mug. 
“Do you want coffee or not?” 
Tony grumbles before muttering a grudging “Yes, please.” 
Satisfied, Natasha pours the coffee, keeping her focus steady. 
“Natasha?” your voice catches her off guard, and she glances up to see you poking your head back into the room. 
“Yes?” she replies a little too quickly, immediately focusing on you. 
Both Clint and Tony fall silent, watching the two of you with curious eyes. 
“Steve’s got a mission tomorrow,” you explain. “Would you mind if I train with you in the meantime?”
Natasha’s mind races for a moment before she steadies herself to answer.
“Uh—yeah, sure. Anytime you want.” 
“Great!” you say enthusiastically before glancing worriedly at the counter. “I think that’s enough coffee.” 
Natasha follows your gaze, eyes widening as she realizes Tony’s cup is overflowing, dark liquid pooling across the counter. She yanks the pot away with a muttered curse. 
“Oh sh—!”
Tony steps back just in time, glaring down at his soaked countertop.
“Really, Romanoff? This is a new suit!” 
Rolling her eyes, Natasha grabs paper towels, unruffled by his dramatics. 
“Calm down, it barely even touched you.”
You let out a small laugh. 
“I’ll be right back,” you say, shooting her a smile as you exit.
“Okay,” Natasha murmurs, her attention lingering on the door.
Clint chuckles as he takes another sip, eyeing her knowingly. 
“You’re right, Nat. It’s not a crush,” he says, leaning back with a smirk. “It’s way worse.”
~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~
Natasha flashes one of her most charming smiles, leaning just slightly forward as the receptionist fumbles through her files, cheeks tinged with a rosy hue under Natasha’s intense gaze. 
“Here you go!” the receptionist says, her voice soft as she hands over a key card. “I’m sorry again for the mix-up.”
Natasha’s fingers rest lightly over the receptionist’s hand as she accepts the card, her eyes warm and a playful smile tugging at her lips. 
“No problem at all,” she replies, her tone smooth. “I don’t mind the delay with such lovely company.” 
The receptionist blushes deeply, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and giving Natasha a flustered smile. 
Natasha’s confident smirk grows as she watches her charms take effect. 
Quick and efficient, she slips the USB drive from the computer, seamlessly hiding it under her palm as it rests over the key card. For a moment, she feels pleased with herself, effortlessly pulling off her usual charisma.
See, she thinks to herself, Clint has no idea what he’s talking about—she’s got plenty of charm.
“Nice job, Natasha,” your voice suddenly crackles in her earpiece, startling her. 
Her hand slips in surprise, almost knocking over the items on the counter. She turns it into a casual adjustment, but not before the receptionist gives her a curious look. 
Natasha quickly smiles, grabbing the key card and offering a polite nod before walking away toward a secluded corner of the lobby.
Pressing a finger to her comms, she mutters, “Y/n? Where’s Clint?” 
“He had to step out for a minute,” you answer. “He asked me to take over. Is that okay?” 
“No–I mean—yes, of course,” Natasha says, the words tumbling out a bit too quickly. 
She straightens, running a hand through her hair as she tries to regain her composure. It’s not like she hadn’t expected you to assist with missions, but the thought of you watching her…
She tamps down the sudden flutter in her chest and forces herself to stay focused.
“Your next target is on the same floor as the key card you just picked up,” you continue, your voice warm and steady in her ear. 
“Got it.” 
“I’ll explain what you’re looking for.”
Natasha nods and begins striding toward the elevators, hoping her sudden focus will drown out the distraction of your voice in her head. 
She tells herself it’s just a mission—professional, routine.
But now, with you guiding her through the next steps, each word falling from your lips makes it harder for her to maintain her usually calm, steady demeanor. 
Her heart beats a little faster, and her cheeks feel a bit warmer than they should. She brushes off the thoughts and keeps walking, determined to stay cool and collected.
“Um…Natasha?”
She stops mid-step. “Hmm?”
“You’re…going the wrong way.”
Natasha freezes, blinking in surprise. She glances around, realizing she’s heading in the opposite direction from the elevators.
A wave of embarrassment sweeps over her as she lets out a quiet curse under her breath.
“Right,” Natasha says, turning with as much dignity as she can muster, her face heating as she finally heads in the correct direction.
Oh, she thinks to herself, she’s definitely going to kill Clint.
~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~
Natasha steps out of her room, her leather jacket slung over one arm as she adjusts the zipper. 
Your voice calls her name from down the hall, catching her off guard and making her slam the door shut in a startled motion. She spins to face you, only to be tugged back by an unexpected resistance.
Natasha looks down with a sigh, spotting her jacket sleeve caught in the door. Tugging at it proves ineffective, as it stays firmly wedged in place.
Hearing your footsteps approaching, Natasha hastily shoves the jacket behind her back, trying to appear composed. She leans casually against the door, hoping the awkward moment has gone unnoticed.
“Hey,” you greet with a warm smile as you reach her.
“Hey, Y/n,” Natasha replies, attempting a relaxed tone.
You eye her with a hint of curiosity. “Are you…okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine!” Natasha says quickly, forcing a casual smile. “Just, um, examining the door. Thought it could use a closer look.”
Your brows raise in amused surprise at her peculiar explanation, but you let it go. 
“Well, once you’re done with that,” you say, playing along, “I made a reservation at that new place downtown. I was wondering if you’d like to join me?”
“Just the two of us?” The words slip out before Natasha can stop herself. 
A flicker of excitement and amusement crosses your face as you nod. 
“Yeah, just us,” you say softly.
Natasha’s heart gives a small flutter, but she maintains her composure. 
“I’d love to,” she says, a smile slipping through despite her best efforts to stay calm.
“Great, it’s a date,” you say, grinning. “I’ll meet you in the garage.” With a playful smirk, you add, “After you finish your ‘inspection,’ of course.”
As you walk toward the elevator, Natasha watches you with a lingering smile.
Once you’re out of sight, she finally frees her jacket and heads to the garage a few minutes later, finding you waiting by her motorcycle.
You hop on behind her, wrapping your arms around her waist in a snug embrace. 
The warmth of your presence makes her feel a fluttering sensation in her chest she can’t shake. Distracted, Natasha blindly reaches for her helmet and slips it on—only to be met with complete darkness.
With a soft sigh, Natasha’s head drops to her chest, realizing she put it on backward. 
The chuckle that escapes your lips behind her is quickly muffled as you clear your throat, your hands reaching to help her. 
You gently remove the helmet, your fingers brushing her cheek as you pull it off.
When Natasha glances back, she catches the playful look in your eyes as you bite back a grin.
Seeing this, Natasha lets out an exasperated sigh. 
“Can we just pretend the last few minutes didn’t happen and start over? I swear, this doesn’t usually happen to me.”
You laugh, unable to hold back anymore. 
“Oh, I know all about the smooth and charming Black Widow,” you say, your gaze warm and teasing. “But I think this side of you is pretty cute too.”
A faint blush spreads across her cheeks at your words, and Natasha takes the helmet, this time slipping it on correctly, with a soft smile she can’t quite hide anymore.
~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~
It’s another one of Tony’s famous parties, where glittering lights reflect off polished floors and music pulses softly through the spacious hall. 
In the middle of the dance floor, beneath the warm glow, Natasha sways with you, her hands resting gently on your waist as you move together to the rhythm of the soft melody. 
You wrap your arms around her neck, leaning in and drawing her closer until your lips meet hers in a tender, lingering kiss. 
Natasha smiles softly against your lips, and as you pull back, she rests her forehead gently against yours, eyes half-closed in a moment of quiet contentment. 
Even as the music fades into the background, her hands remain firm on your waist, as if she has no intention of letting go.
“Why don’t we get something to drink?” you suggest, glancing over at the bar lined with sparkling glasses.
Natasha only pulls you closer, her fingers brushing lightly along the small of your back as she murmurs, “Or…we could stay right here and have another dance.” 
Her voice is a soft suggestion, and she leans in slightly, her green eyes filled with warmth and alluring charm.
You raise an eyebrow, a knowing smile spreading across your lips. 
“It’s cute how you’re trying to be smooth.”
Natasha’s expression shifts, feigning innocence. 
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says, though the faintest blush colors her cheeks.
With a playful glint in your eye, you tilt your head at her in challenge. 
“How long has your bracelet been stuck to my dress?” you ask, giving her a teasing look.
Natasha glances away, the blush deepening as she realizes she’s been caught. She’s spent the past few moments subtly trying to free her wrist from your dress, but to no avail.
“In my defense,” she murmurs, attempting to deflect, “you distracted me with how beautiful you look tonight.”
You chuckle softly at her excuse, reaching up to pull her even closer. With a playful grin, you press a gentle kiss to her lips before leaning in to whisper against her ear.
“Think of the bright side—if you can’t get it loose, I’m sure you could just rip this dress off me.”
Natasha’s breath catches, and for a split second, she’s utterly still, her mind stalling at the suggestion. 
You pull back just enough to watch her expression, and a delighted smile grows on your face as she stares at you, wide-eyed and flustered, clearly caught off guard.
It only takes her a moment to catch on, her eyes narrowing in realization as she shakes her head with a playful huff. 
“You’re trying to embarrass me on purpose,” she accuses, a hint of a smile breaking through.
Unashamed, you bite back a laugh and nod. 
“It’s nice to see the calm and collected Black Widow all flustered for once.”
Natasha’s lips curl into a smirk as she pulls you flush against her, her free hand sliding up your back, fingers grazing along your spine. She leans in, her lips just a breath away from yours, the warmth of her gaze intense.
“Only for you,” she murmurs, her voice a hushed promise before closing the distance, her lips capturing yours in a kiss that makes you forget the world around you, the room fading away as you melt into each other’s embrace.
~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~
a/n: just a short fluff with a soft Natasha that I had finished some time ago. after everything that has happened yesterday and today, I wanted to give some kind of happier distraction, even if it may be only a temporary escape from everything. I’m still going between disbelief, sadness, and anger myself about the situation while also trying to be prepared to continue on. But hopefully, this was able to bring some of you some sort of break from everything else.
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kissesz ¡ 6 months ago
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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐝
ambessa medarda x f!reader
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warnings: see above. mdni. f!sub!reader. dom!ambessa. mirror sex. vaginal fingering. older woman/younger woman, age gap. praise. begging. dirty talk. power imbalance. orgasm denial (1x). power dynamics. guided masturbation—as in: her hand over yours. allusions to aftercare. established relationship. (but it's messy). ambassador!reader.
summary: some handle domestic affairs. some handle foreign affairs. you handle being the affair pressed up against expensive furniture by noxus’ decorated general.
notes: the "explicit" in my last fic was tragically lacking—so much so that it kept me up at night. therefore, i skipped two of my french classes to remedy that. bon appétit or whatever. 
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You stood before the silver-lined mirror in your private quarters, removing the pins from today’s elaborate updo—a necessity for the diplomatic summit you'd just concluded. Each clink against your vanity echoed like falling shards of glass, the slow dismantling of the persona you wore in the council chambers. Your reflection stared back, composed even in solitude, jaw still set with the tension of twelve hours of negotiations.
The door opened without warning—only one person would dare enter your space so careless.
"Piltovians, is it?" Ambessa's voice carried from the entrance, sultry and smooth like aged merlot. "You had them all wrapped around your finger." Her reflection appeared behind yours in the mirror, still in her military regalia, though she'd removed her formal coat. The sleeves rolled to expose strong forearms marred with scars—each one a story you'd traced with reverent fingers on languid nights.
You maintained eye contact through the mirror, refusing to turn, to give her the satisfaction of seeing how her mere presence affected you. "That's my job." 
"Mm." She stepped closer, her boots silent on the plush carpet. "You're remarkably good at it. The way you led that delegate in circles until he agreed to your terms..." Her hands came to rest on your shoulders, heavy and feverish, the warmth of her seeping through the silk of your blouse. "Very impressive."
"High praise from the great General Medarda," your voice wavered as her thumbs pressed into the knots at the base of your neck, skilled fingers finding tension you didn't even know you carried until it began to unspool under her hands. Your eyes fluttered shut despite your best efforts, a small sound escaping your throat unbidden.
"Look at yourself," she commanded softly, her breath ghosting your ear, too close for comfort. Your eyes snapped open—years of martial training compelling you to respond to her tone. "Look how exquisite you are when you start to let go."
Heat crawled up your neck, staining your cheeks a telling rose. "Ambessa..."
"No." Her fingers threaded through your hair, now loose around your shoulders. "Watch." She gathered the strands, exposing the graceful line of your neck, and pressed her lips to the sensitive spot below your jaw—that place she'd discovered could make you come undone with the barest touch. Your breath hitched audibly, heartbeat thrumming hummingbird-quick against her mouth. "See how your body responds to me? How it knows what you need even when your mind fights it?"
You tried to look away but her other hand caught you, grip bordering on bruising, keeping you captive to your own reflection. "I don't–" you started, but she nipped at your pulse and the protest died right on the tip of your tongue, lost to the wave of desire that crashed through you, as if dissolving your very bones.
"You do," she corrected, her voice honeyed gravel—that maddening mix of velour and steel that never failed to ignite a fire in your blood. "You spend all day being in control. Making decisions that shape nations." Her free hand slid down your arm, calluses from years of wielding a blade drifting against your skin, raising goosebumps in their wake, leaving touches that settled into an ache between your thighs. "But here, with me..." She pressed closer, her front flush against your back, the hard planes of her body a delicious contrast to your softer curves. "You don't have to be anything but mine."
The word sent liquid heat pooling low in your abdomen, and you couldn't hide it—not from her, and not from yourself. Not with the mirror forcing you to witness every micro-expression that crossed your face—the way your lips parted on a shaky exhale, kiss-deficient and wanting; the flush spreading across your face, down your neck, disappearing beneath the collar of your blouse; the naked hunger in your eyes, pupils wide.
"Look at you," Ambessa murmured, her breath searing against your skin, branding you with invisible marks more permanent than any ink. "How you tremble for me." Her hand splayed across your stomach, pressing you back against her, securing you to the solid strength of her. "How you're aching to surrender."
"Please," you choked out, the word torn from your throat, raw and desperate as you tilted your head back against her shoulder, baring the column of your throat in silent offering. "Ambessa, I need-"
"What do you need, little dove?" She caught your earlobe between sharp teeth, biting just this side of too hard, soothing the sting with her tongue. "Tell me. Watch yourself say it."
The pet name broke you, shattered the last of your resolve. A sound escaped you—half whine, half fractured gasp—and you no longer cared how wanton you looked, how far you'd fallen. "You," you breathed, barely recognizing the lust-drunk rasp of your own voice. "I need you. Need you to make me let go." 
Ambessa's smile was a curl of unfiltered satisfaction, feline and dangerous. "Clever girl," she purred, and you shuddered at the praise, feeling it slide down your spine like springwater. "Now, keep those lovely eyes open. I want you to watch as I take you apart." Her hands moved to the fastenings of your blouse, deft fingers making quick work of the delicate buttons. 
You couldn't look away if the world was ending, captivated by the sight of her divesting you of your clothes—the silk and lace that you donned every morning like it could protect you. The contrast of her battle-roughened hands against your smooth skin, the way the candlelight danced across her face, softening the sharp contours, the wildfire of desire blazing in her dark eyes—you committed it all to memory, carved it into your very marrow.
"The way you test my control," she rasped, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your shoulder as she bared it to the cool evening air. "Do you know what it took not to bend you over the council table today, in front of all those simpering delegates?" Her teeth scraped against your collarbone, dull nips that had you arching into her touch with a needy whimper. "Knowing that I'm the only one who gets to see you like this?”
Your hands clenched helplessly at your sides, itching to reach back, to anchor yourself to the flex of her hips, the coiled strength of her thighs, but you didn't dare—not without her permission. She noticed your white-knuckled restraint, a slow smirk etching its way onto her lips. "So well-behaved for me," she praised, one broad palm sliding up your torso to cup your breast, thumb scraping over the sensitive peak. "Keeping those greedy hands still, even though you're dying to touch. Aren't you, hm?"
"Yes," you gasped, voice breaking on the single vowel as she rolled your nipple between deft fingers, sparking pleasure that bordered on torturous. "Please, Ambessa, I can't– I need–"
"Shh, I know." Her other hand slid down your stomach, fingertips teasing along the waistband of your trousers, dipping just beneath the fabric to trace maddening patterns on your overheated skin. "You're being so good, letting me take my time with you. Letting me savor you." 
A broken moan slipped past your swollen lips, and your hips canted forward, seeking friction, seeking relief, but she held you fast, kept you still. "Ah-ah, none of that," she chided, but there was a roughness to her voice now, a hunger that echoed your own. "You'll take what I give you, isn’t that right, sweet girl?”
"Yes," you breathed, surrendering to her completely, utterly—a diplomat used to finding authority in words, now reduced to a single need, an urge. "Yes, Ambessa, anything, just please–"
"I have you," she murmured, and it was sacred breathed against your skin, a permanent whispered in the scant space between your bodies. "I'll give you what you need, little one. I'll shatter you so beautifully, then put you back together, piece by piece. You can let go."
With a final tug, your trousers fell to the floor, leaving you in nothing but your underwear—drenched and trembling. Ambessa’s thighs brushed against the back of yours, her warmth wrapping around you like a second skin. Her hand slid down your abdomen, over your navel, to cup the heat between your legs, and you jolted at the contact—so sudden, so possessive.
"Easy," she murmured, her thumb stroking circles over the damp fabric, sending shudders through your body. "Calm yourself."
You watched in the mirror as she hooked her fingers under the elastic of your panties and pulled, the fabric sliding away to reveal the slickness that glistened, filthily so. The sight of your own arousal had you biting your lower lip, a wordless plea for more. And she knew—of course she knew—just how to read the language of your body, the dialect of your cravings. Her hand slid into your wetness, and you keeled over forward with a gasp, the heel of your palm smacking against the vanity as you tried to keep your legs from giving out.
That earned you a huff of pity—or amusement, it was hard to tell.
Her eyes never left yours in the reflection as she stroked you, her thumb circling your swollen clit, her fingers slipping deeper, higher, coaxing and caressing until your hips moved of their own accord—until you were rocking against her hand. Mewls spilled and tumbled from your lips, honey-drenched sounds of submission tainted with primal lust; Ambessa’s veins threatened to clog with the aphrodisiac your undoing was dripping into them.
Much to her delight, or perhaps your dismay, you could feel yourself beginning to teeter on the very edge of something vast, something overwhelming—your skin hypersensitive, lungs burning as if you'd been underwater for hours, drowning in sensation. And just as you thought you couldn't possibly take anymore, when something inside you threatened to snap like an overwound string, she slid her fingers out.
That fucking tease of a—
Quickly as it disappeared, her hand moved to grasp yours, guiding it back to where she'd just been.
"Show me," she quieted the protests that threatened to form on your tongue, her own voice strained with need. "Show me how much you want it."
You obeyed without an ounce of hesitation, your arm shaking as it replaced hers, your fingers slipping into your own heat. The sight of your hand, entwined with hers, working in tandem to give you pleasure was almost too much to bear. But you didn't look away. You watched every twitch of your eyelids, every exhale that stole your breath, every quiver of your lip as you brought yourself closer to the precipice.
This was loss of control, stripped from you in its purest, most delicious form. A dizzying realization that you'd spend forever chasing this high—the unashamed longing pulsing through you as you fought the urge to beg for more. You'd never wished to yield to someone else like this before, never thirsted for surrender with such feral vocarity that it made your bones rattle with hollow want, yet here you were; fracturing in Ambessa’s grasp like it was written in the stars themselves, an inevitability as ancient as violence and twice as devastating.
And then, with a cry that echoed off the cold walls of your room, raw and unrestrained, you came undone—shuddering, writhing; it was as if months of strain had crystallized beneath your skin, every careful word and measured breath condensing into this singular moment of release. You arched up into her, against her, seemingly never-ending tension bleeding from your muscles, leaving you boneless and at mercy of her hold.
The room spun around you as your body fought to remember how to breathe, and, though you’d never admit it, you were deeply gracious for her efforts to hold you upright—hands firm on your hips, keeping you grounded. You leaned back, feeling the solidity of her chest, the thunder of her heart behind you. It was blissful, if only fleeting—the courage to bare your throat to the one person who could tear it out, trusting that she would press kind lips and quiet praises to its column instead. 
How curious, that the wolf of Noxus knew not just how to devour, but how to savor, fangs carefully sheathed. That being spared could feel so devastatingly like being consumed.
©️kissesz
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sixeyesonathiel ¡ 20 days ago
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wanted: dead or wed
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chapter one: sweet thing with a switchblade
pairing — cowboy satoru x bandit reader
synopsis : satoru’s just passing through—dust in his lungs, a bullet wound in his side, and no intention of staying anywhere too long—when you crash into his life like bad luck with a pretty face. you’re trouble from the start, all sharp looks and sharper secrets, but he’s never had much self-control when it comes to danger dressed like desire. what begins with blood and bad timing turns into something else entirely—something he can’t name, can’t escape, and sure as hell can’t walk away from. you’re the last thing he needs, but the only thing he wants, and if that makes him a fool… well, he’s been worse.
tags -> wild west au, enemies to lovers, sexual tension, dubcon elements, forced proximity, captivity, power imbalance, morally ambiguous character, horny at first sight, feelings later, toxic dynamic at first, eventual healthy relationship (i swear), gojo satoru is down bad, slowly falling into domesticity, eventual smut, eventual fluff, banter, unresolved sexual tension, other additional tags to be added
wc — 8.4k | series m.list | gen. m.list
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your scream cuts through the desert air like a blade through silk.  
satoru’s hands tighten on the reins without conscious thought, his mare luna already wheeling toward the sound before his mind catches up. dust kicks up around them in russet clouds, the sun beating down merciless and white. he’d been riding for three days straight, his thoughts circling like vultures around the deed folded in his saddlebag—his mother’s house, waiting for him like a grave he’s not ready to visit. but a woman’s scream? that’s different. that’s immediate. that’s the kind of thing mama would’ve skinned him alive for ignoring.  
his spurs dig into luna’s flanks and she responds like lightning, her hooves drumming against the hardpan earth. the wind whips through hair that catches light like spun glass, wild and pale against the endless blue sky. sweat dampens his shirt beneath the leather vest, salt stinging where it meets the dust caked on his skin. he can taste the desert on his tongue—grit and heat and something metallic that might be his own blood from where he’d bitten his cheek that morning, trying to stay awake.
through the scrub brush and twisted mesquite, he spots you.  
and christ, you’re beautiful.
even terrified, even with dirt streaking your cheeks and tears cutting clean tracks through the grime, you’re the kind of beautiful that makes a man forget his own name. your dress is torn at the shoulder, fabric clinging to curves that make his mouth go dry despite the heat. there’s something about the way you’re positioned—sprawled but not quite helpless, your ankle twisted at an angle that screams pain but your spine still holding some invisible thread of steel.  
behind you, two men with guns drawn. standard issue bandits by the look of them, all beard and bluster and eyes like dead fish. one’s got a hand twisted in your hair, yanking your head back to expose the vulnerable line of your throat. the other’s got his barrel trained on your temple, finger hovering over the trigger with the kind of casual threat that makes satoru’s jaw clench.  
“help!” you cry, and your voice cracks just right—desperate but not quite broken, like you’re holding onto hope by your fingernails. “please, they’re gonna kill me!”  
satoru’s already moving, luna’s hooves throwing up clouds of red dirt as they thunder into the clearing. he swings down from the saddle with fluid grace, his duster coat billowing around him like dark wings. his hand finds the grip of his colt without thought, muscle memory carved deep by years of staying alive in places where hesitation gets you buried.  
“no worries, sweetheart,” he drawls, voice carrying that easy confidence that’s gotten him out of more scrapes than he can count. “i’ve got you.”  
the first bandit—scraggly beard, vest that’s seen better decades—shifts his aim toward satoru. mistake. satoru’s already moving, his body flowing like water around the muzzle flash. the bullet whines past his ear, close enough to feel the heat, and then his own gun is speaking. clean shot, center mass. the man drops like a stone.  
the second bandit doesn’t even get the chance to scream. satoru’s on him in two strides, his blade sliding between ribs with surgical precision. blood blooms across the man’s shirt, dark and spreading, and he crumples with a wet gurgle.  
satoru turns back to you, already reaching for his bandana to clean the blood from his knife. “you hurt, darlin’? they lay hands on you?”  
but you’re not looking at him with gratitude. you’re looking at him with something else entirely—calculation. focus. the kind of look a predator gives prey before it strikes.  
that’s when he sees it. the flash of metal in your hand. the way your body coils, all that supposed helplessness melting away like sugar in rain. time slows to honey-thick molasses as you lunge forward, your blade aimed with deadly precision at the gap between his ribs.  
clever girl.  
the steel slides home with a whisper, parting flesh like it was made for it. fire explodes through his side, white-hot and immediate, and he can feel the warmth spreading across his shirt. but even as the pain hits, even as his own blood starts to paint his fingers crimson, he’s almost impressed. almost.  
“well, shit,” he breathes, looking down at where your blade has found its mark. the shock in your eyes is almost comical—like you can’t quite believe you actually managed to stick him. “you really had me going there, sugar.”  
that’s when they emerge from the treeline. a dozen men, maybe more, whooping and hollering like demons fresh from hell. your backup, he realizes. the real trap. he’d been so focused on playing hero that he’d walked right into it, led by his cock and his conscience in equal measure.  
“guess i’m the fool here,” he says, and there’s something almost conversational in his tone. almost amused. because fools don’t last long in the west, and satoru’s been breathing desert air for more years than most men see in a lifetime.  
the first wave hits him like a tide of violence and stupidity. guns blazing, knives flashing, voices raised in bloodthirsty chorus. and satoru? satoru becomes something else entirely. something that moves like liquid death and strikes like divine judgment.  
his revolvers sing their deadly song, muzzle flashes painting the desert in brief, brilliant light. bullets that should have found their mark bend around him like they’re afraid to touch him, deflected by forces that don’t have names in any language spoken by mortal men. one bandit charges with a wild scream and meets satoru’s fist instead, the sound of breaking bone sharp and final in the desert air.  
another tries to flank him, blade gleaming in the dying light. satoru catches his wrist, twists until something snaps, and sends the man’s own knife sliding between his ribs. the scream cuts off abruptly, replaced by the wet sound of punctured lung.  
through it all, satoru moves like he’s dancing. coat tails spinning, hair streaming pale as moonlight, those impossible eyes bright as winter stars. blood seeps through his shirt where your blade found its mark, but it doesn’t slow him. if anything, it seems to fuel him, like pain is just another kind of music and he’s conducting the orchestra.  
one by one, they fall. screaming. bleeding. dying.  
when the smoke clears and the last echo of gunfire fades into the endless sky, satoru’s still standing. breathing hard now, finally, sweat mixing with blood and dust on his skin. his glasses are gone, lost somewhere in the chaos, revealing eyes that burn like cold fire. unnatural. divine. hungry.  
and you? you’re staring at him like he’s the devil himself, pressed back against a gnarled tree with your hands shaking and your face pale as bone.
that’s when he hears it. the sound of hoofbeats, fast and fading. your so-called partners, fleeing like the cowards they are. leaving you behind like yesterday’s garbage.  
“they left you,” he says, and there’s something almost gentle in his voice. almost. “after all that acting, they just... left you.”  
he can see the moment it hits you—the betrayal, the abandonment. your face crumbles for just a second before you school it back into defiance, but that second is enough. satoru’s always been good at reading people, at seeing the cracks in their armor. it’s kept him alive this long.  
“fuck you,” you spit, and he laughs. actually laughs, the sound rich and dark and entirely too pleased.  
“oh, sweetheart,” he says, closing the distance between you in two long strides. “we’re just getting started.”  
his hand shoots out, fast as a striking snake, and clamps around your wrist. you yelp as he yanks you upright, slamming you back against the tree. bark digs into your spine, and his face is inches from yours. close enough to see the gold flecks in those impossible eyes, close enough to feel the heat radiating from his skin.  
“you gonna scream again, darlin’?” he rasps, tilting his head like he’s studying you. like you’re something fascinating and dangerous and worth taking apart piece by piece. “go on. give me another show.”  
his free hand slides down your waist, slow and deliberate, fingers pressing through the fabric of your dress like he’s mapping territory. claiming it. his breath ghosts across your jaw, warm and sharp with the copper taste of violence.  
“but first,” he says, voice dropping to something low and dangerous, “you’re gonna pay for trying to fool me.”  
his grip tightens. his smile deepens.  
“and sugar, i charge interest.”
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the ride to his mother’s house is torture in more ways than one.  
every bounce of luna’s gait sends fire through the wound in his side, but worse—so much worse—is the way you feel pressed against him. soft curves and angry heat, your body rigid with tension and something else. something that makes his pulse quicken despite the blood loss. despite the pain. despite every rational thought screaming at him to get you secured and stop thinking about the way your ass fits against his hips.  
you’d fought like a wildcat when he’d hauled you up and thrown you over his saddle, all claws and fury and threats that would’ve made a saint blush. but now you’ve gone quiet, probably plotting your escape. he almost hopes you try. it’s been too long since he’s had a proper challenge, and something about you—the way you’d played your part so perfectly, the way you’d looked at him like he was death incarnate—makes him think you might actually be worth the effort.  
“you can stop planning,” he says conversationally, his voice rumbling through his chest and into your back. “wherever you think you’re gonna run, i’ll find you.”  
your only response is to dig your elbow into his thigh, and he grins despite the pain. despite the way his shirt is stuck to his skin with drying blood. despite the fact that he’s probably losing his mind, because no sane man would be this entertained by a woman who just tried to kill him.  
luna’s hooves drum against the hardpan, steady and sure, carrying them both toward a destination he’s been avoiding for months. his mother’s house sits on the outskirts of a nothing town called redemption, all faded paint and memories he’s not ready to face. but it’s isolated, which is what he needs right now. isolated and empty and far enough from civilization that no one will hear you scream.  
the thought sends heat pooling low in his belly, and he has to shift in the saddle to hide his body’s reaction. you feel it anyway—the way his muscles tense, the way his breathing changes—and you go even more rigid against him. like you’re trying to make yourself smaller. invisible.  
“easy there, darlin’,” he murmurs, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. “i can feel you thinking. it’s giving me a headache.”  
you flinch at the contact, a full-body shiver that he feels more than sees. interesting. he files that reaction away for later, along with the way your breathing hitches when he speaks and the way your hands clench into fists when he touches you.  
the sun is setting by the time they reach the house, painting the sky in shades of rust and gold. it’s worse than he remembered—sheets over furniture, dust thick as snow, windows so grimy they barely let in light. the garden his mother had tended with such care is nothing but weeds and regret now, the white picket fence weathered to gray.  
“home sweet home,” he mutters, sliding you down from luna’s back. you immediately try to bolt, just like he knew you would, and he catches you around the waist before you can take two steps. your body slams back against his chest, soft and warm and trembling with barely contained rage.  
“uh-uh, sugar,” he says, his arm tightening around you. “you’re not going anywhere.”  
your pulse is racing under his fingers, a frantic rhythm that matches the way you’re breathing. fast and shallow, like you’re fighting panic. like you think he’s going to hurt you in ways that don’t involve bullets or blades.  
“what do you want?” you demand, and he can hear the fear threading through your anger. you think he’s going to force himself on you. the thought should disgust him—his mother raised him better than that, taught him that real men don’t take what isn’t freely given. but instead, it makes him wonder what you’d look like beneath him, all that fight turned to desperate need. 
the house looms before you two, full of shadows and silence. the porch creaks under their weight, old wood groaning like it’s protesting this reunion. satoru hesitates at the door, one hand resting on the knob, his breath shallow.  
“she always hated leaving it locked,” he mutters, more to himself than to you. he turns the handle. the door swings open with a low moan, like it’s waking from a long sleep.
inside, dust motes dance in the last rays of sunlight, and the air smells like lavender and loss. his mother’s presence is everywhere—in the lace curtains she’d sewn by hand, in the photographs lining the mantel, in the rocking chair where she’d spent her last days waiting for a son who’d been too much of a coward to come home. her ghost lingers in the wallpaper, in the creak of the floorboards, in the quiet hum of the house settling back into itself.  
satoru steps over the threshold and doesn’t breathe for a moment. his fingers trail the side table by the door, where her gloves used to rest. his eyes flick to the photo near the hearth—her smile caught mid-laugh, dust blurring the frame. he swallows.  
“don’t touch anything,” he says, voice tight.  
you say nothing, but your eyes sweep the room like a threat. like you’re already planning which window you’ll break when the time comes.  
he pushes the guilt down, locks it away where it can’t touch him. there will be time for that later. time for apologies to ghosts and promises to women who can’t hear them anymore. right now, he has more pressing concerns.  
like the way you’re looking at him—calculating, measuring, searching for weakness. like the way your tongue darts out to wet your lips when you think he’s not watching. like the way his body is responding to your proximity despite the pain, despite the blood loss, despite every reason this is a terrible idea.  
he turns toward you then, the dying sunlight painting his face in copper and shadow.  
“strip,” he orders, and watches your face drain of color. the word hangs in the air between them like a loaded gun, heavy with implication and threat.  
he drinks in your reaction like fine whiskey—the way your eyes go wide, pupils dilating with terror. the way your hands fly to your chest, protective and futile. the way your breathing goes shallow, like you're drowning on dry land. beautiful. absolutely fucking beautiful.  
“please,” you whisper, and something in his chest tightens. something that feels dangerously close to conscience, but he's having too much fun to stop now. “please, i—”  
“now, now,” he drawls, taking a step closer. close enough that you have to tilt your head back to meet his eyes—those impossible eyes that burn like winter frost touched by flame. close enough that he can see the pulse hammering at your throat, fast and frantic. “don't look at me like that, sugar. like i'm some kinda monster.”  
but he lets his gaze rake over you slowly, deliberately. lets it linger on the curve of your breasts, the way your dress clings to your waist, the smooth line of your thighs. lets you see him looking. lets you feel the weight of his attention like hands on your skin.  
“you think i'm gonna hurt you?” he asks, and his voice is soft. conversational. like he's asking about the weather instead of the fear painting your face pale. “think i'm gonna hold you down and take what i want?”  
you flinch at the words, and he has to bite back a groan. the way terror looks on you should be wrong, should make him feel sick. instead, it makes him want to see what other expressions he can pull from you. what other sounds.  
“the thought's crossed your mind, hasn't it?” he continues, circling you slowly. predatory. hair like spun starlight catching the dying light from the windows. “big, scary man like me. isolated house. no one around for miles.” he pauses behind you, close enough that his breath ghosts across your neck. “bet you can already feel it, can't you? my hands on your skin.”  
you shudder, and he knows he's hit the mark. knows you're imagining exactly what he wants you to imagine. your body betrays you—the way you lean away from him, the way your hands shake, the way your breath catches when he speaks.  
“stop,” you whisper, but there's no real force behind it. you're caught between fear and something else, something that makes your pulse quicken for reasons that have nothing to do with terror.  
“stop what?” he asks, moving back into your line of sight. “stop telling the truth? stop making you think about what it would feel like?” he reaches out, fingers barely grazing your cheek. “stop making you wonder if you'd like it?”  
the slap comes fast, sharp, and he catches your wrist before you can pull away. his grip is gentle but immovable, and he tsks softly.  
“now that's just rude,” he says, but he's grinning. “here i am, being a perfect gentleman, and you're trying to mark up my pretty face.”  
“gentleman?” you spit, and there's fire in your eyes now. anger burning through the fear. “you're sick.”  
“maybe,” he agrees easily. “but i'm also patient. and i do so enjoy watching you squirm.”  
he releases your wrist and steps back, putting space between you again. the absence of his touch is almost as unsettling as the presence of it, and he can see you struggling to recalibrate. to figure out what game he's playing.  
he watches your face for a long moment, drinking in the terror, the way your mind is clearly spinning through every horrible possibility. the way you're looking at him like he's already got his hands on you. like you can feel phantom touches burning across your skin.  
his eyes drop to your mouth—your lips parted with quick, shallow breaths. soft. probably sweet. definitely something he wants to taste. the impulse hits him like lightning, sudden and electric, and before he can think better of it, he's moving closer.
one hand finds your cheek, thumb brushing across your skin with surprising gentleness. the other braces against the wall behind you, caging you in. your eyes widen, confusion replacing terror as he leans in, and christ, you smell like dust and fear and something uniquely you that makes his head spin.  
“what are you—” you start, but the words die as he gets closer. close enough that he can feel the heat radiating from your skin, close enough that your breath mingles with his.  
his eyes—pale as winter sky, bright as lightning—flick down to your mouth again. back up to your eyes. down again. he's so close now that he can see the tiny flecks of gold in your irises, can count your eyelashes, can feel the way your body trembles with each ragged breath.  
“just wondering,” he murmurs, voice rough and low, “what you taste like.”  
and then he's leaning in, closing that final distance, and you—  
you close your eyes.  
the realization hits him like a physical blow. here you are, terrified and trapped and completely at his mercy, and you're tilting your face up to meet his. your lashes flutter against your cheeks, dark and delicate, and your lips part just slightly in unconscious invitation.  
beautiful. so fucking beautiful it makes his chest ache.  
for a heartbeat, he hovers there. a breath away. close enough that he can feel the warmth of your skin, can smell the salt of unshed tears and the sweet scent of your hair. close enough that all he'd have to do is lean forward just a fraction more and he'd be tasting you, claiming you, taking what he wants because he's always been impulsive as hell and you're looking at him like—  
like you want him to.  
but something stops him. maybe it's the way your hands are shaking. maybe it's the memory of his mother's voice, telling him that real men don't take advantage. maybe it's the fact that you just tried to kill him and he's not sure if this is surrender or strategy.  
whatever it is, he pulls back.  
just a fraction. just enough to break the spell.  
and then he laughs.  
the sound is rich and genuine and entirely too amused, echoing off the dusty walls of his mother's house. it's the kind of laugh that makes you feel like you're missing the punchline to some cruel joke, and your eyes snap open, confusion and hurt flashing across your features.  
“didn't peg you for the type to fall for a man that fast,” he says, voice dripping with mock surprise. “you must be real easy, darlin'.”  
the words hit you like a slap, and he watches the progression of emotions across your face—confusion melting into embarrassment, embarrassment burning into rage. your cheeks flame red, and you look like you want to disappear into the floorboards.  
“you—” you start, voice thick with mortification, but he's already moving away, putting distance between you again.  
“what exactly did you think i was asking you to do?” he continues, reaching into his saddlebags and tossing you a bundle of clean clothes. the fabric hits your chest and you catch it reflexively, still staring at him like he's lost his mind.  
“strip,” he repeats, voice dripping with mock innocence. “as in, take off those filthy rags and put on something clean. you know, basic human hygiene?” he tilts his head, studying you with those impossible eyes that seem to see right through you. “what did you think i meant?”  
the realization hits you like a physical blow, and he can see the exact moment your brain catches up to what just happened. the way your eyes widen further, the way the color in your cheeks deepens from pink to scarlet. 
“you're filthy,” he continues, his grin widening as he watches you struggle with the whiplash of emotions. “and you smell like horse. there's a washbasin in the kitchen, pump's out back. get cleaned up.” he pauses, letting the moment stretch. “unless, of course, you'd prefer to stay dirty. some folks are into that sort of thing.”  
“you—you bastard,” you stammer, and your voice is thick with humiliation and fury. “you did that on purpose.”  
“did what?” he asks, all wide-eyed innocence even as his eyes glitter with amusement. “asked you to change clothes? seems pretty reasonable to me.” he leans back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “can't help it if you've got a dirty mind, darlin'. and apparently a weak spot for pretty faces.”  
the look you give him could melt steel, but there's something else there now. embarrassment that goes bone-deep, rage that makes your whole body tremble, and underneath it all, something that might be wounded pride. like you can't believe you fell for it. can't believe you actually thought he was going to kiss you.  
can't believe you wanted him to.  
“what's the catch?” you ask through gritted teeth, clutching the clothes to your chest like armor.  
“no catch,” he says, and for once he's not lying. “just can't have you stinking up my house.” he pauses, then adds with a wicked grin, “and if you need help with any buttons or laces, just holler. i'm real good with my hands.”  
you clutch the clothes tighter, and he can see you trying to decide if that was another threat or just more of his twisted sense of humor. the uncertainty in your eyes is almost as entertaining as the fear was. almost as satisfying as the way you'd looked at him when you thought he was going to kiss you.  
“the kitchen?” you ask, voice barely controlled.  
“through there,” he says, nodding toward the doorway. “and sugar? don't even think about running. i told you—i'll find you. and next time, i might not be so generous.”  
you take a step toward the kitchen, then pause. turn back. there's something in your expression that he can't quite read—calculation, maybe, or the beginnings of a plan. or maybe just the desire to salvage some dignity from this train wreck of a conversation.  
“you think you're real clever, don't you?” you say, and there's steel in your voice now. fire. “getting me all worked up like that.”  
“worked up?” he echoes, and his grin turns predatory. “is that what we're calling it? here i thought you were just scared of a little soap and water.”  
the blush that spreads across your cheeks is beautiful, and he files the image away for later. for when he's alone with his thoughts and his hand and the memory of the way you looked at him like he was going to devour you whole. the way you'd closed your eyes and tilted your face up to his like you wanted him to.  
“go on,” he says, shooing you toward the kitchen with one hand. “get cleaned up. and take your time—i'm not going anywhere.”  
you disappear into the kitchen without another word, and he's left alone with the ghosts and the dust and the sound of his own breathing. but also with something new. something that feels like anticipation, like the moment before a storm breaks.  
through the doorway, he can hear you moving around. the creak of floorboards, the splash of water, the rustle of fabric. his imagination fills in the details, and he has to adjust himself in his pants because apparently nearly dying hasn't done anything to dampen his body's reaction to you.  
especially not after that moment. that breath of space where you'd looked at him like you wanted to be kissed. where you'd closed your eyes and leaned into him like you trusted him not to hurt you.  
like you wanted him to hurt you in all the right ways.  
the wound in his side throbs with each heartbeat, a reminder of how close he'd come to dying today. how close he'd come to never making it home. but now he's here, in his mother's house, with a beautiful woman who tried to kill him washing herself in his kitchen.  
it feels like the beginning of something dangerous and necessary and entirely too tempting to resist. 
left alone, satoru feels the house settle around him like an old coat, all creaking wood and familiar ghosts. sunset bleeds through dusty windows, painting everything in shades of copper and regret. his wound throbs with every heartbeat, a steady reminder of how close he’d come to meeting his maker today. how close he’d come to never seeing this place again.  
satoru grimaces, his jaw clenching as he shrugs off his duster. the movement pulls at torn skin, and he lets the leather fall to the floor in a heap of dust and regret. his shirt comes next, pale fingers working the buttons with practiced precision despite the tremor in his hands. he hisses through his teeth as the fabric pulls against torn skin, broad shoulders rolling to ease the sting. the cotton is ruined—dark with blood and dirt, beyond salvation. like most things in his life, really.  
he catches his reflection in the mirror above the mantel and almost laughs. he looks like hell—chest streaked with blood and grime, muscles tight with tension, that deep gash just beneath his ribs still weeping red. there’s a bruise blooming across his shoulder where someone’s fist had connected, and scratches on his arms from the scrub brush and flying bullets. he’s all sharp edges and bad decisions, and somehow he’s still breathing.  
the pump out back protests when he works the handle, rust flaking off like old skin. his forearms strain against the stubborn metal, tendons standing out beneath sun-weathered skin. the water runs brown at first, then clear and cold enough to make him curse. he soaks a cloth and presses it to the wound, biting back a groan at the sharp bite of pain.   
through the kitchen window, he can see you moving around. shadows and glimpses of skin, the sound of water splashing. his imagination fills in the details—the way you’d look bent over the basin, soap sliding down your spine. the way his shirt would hang loose on your frame, the way it would smell like him when you put it on.  
christ, he’s losing his mind. getting stabbed and then kidnapping your would-be killer—his mother would’ve boxed his ears for this kind of stupidity. but then again, mama had always said he had a weakness for lost causes and pretty faces. looks like death hadn’t changed that particular character flaw.  
“how long does it take to scrub off a little betrayal?” he mutters, pressing the cloth harder against his ribs. the bleeding has slowed but not stopped, and he can feel exhaustion creeping in around the edges. blood loss, probably. or maybe just the weight of this godforsaken day finally catching up to him.  
he glances toward the kitchen again. still no sign of you. maybe you’re plotting another escape attempt. maybe you’re just taking your sweet time to spite him. either way, he’s got nothing but time and bleeding wounds to keep him company.  
the sound of bare feet on wood floors makes him look up, and then you’re there in the doorway, and his brain promptly forgets how to function.  
you’re wearing his shirt—way too big, sleeves rolled sloppily up your forearms, the hem brushing mid-thigh. his pants are tied at your waist with the cord he’d tossed you, bunched and folded but somehow still managing to cling to your hips. your hair’s damp, sticking to your cheekbones, and there’s a smear of soap behind your ear that he wants to lick off.  
barefoot and clean and wearing his clothes, you look like trouble. like the kind of temptation that gets good men killed and bad men redeemed. like something he should run from if he had any sense left.  
the moment his gaze lands on you, it sticks. travels from your bare legs to the way his shirt gaps at your throat, to the pulse point he can see hammering beneath your skin. the corner of his mouth lifts in appreciation, and his eyes—pale as winter sky, sharp as fractured glass—drag over you with undisguised hunger.  
“well, don’t you clean up nice,” he drawls, voice rougher than he intended. his head tilts slightly, studying you like a predator contemplating prey. “almost makes me forget the whole stabbing part.”  
you roll your eyes, but he catches the way you shift your weight from foot to foot, the way your hands fidget with the oversized sleeves. your chin lifts in defiance even as heat creeps up your neck. “you bleeding out yet, or just fishing for compliments?”  
he nods toward his side, where crimson is still seeping through his makeshift bandage. his smile turns lazy, dangerous. “come take a look. unless you’d rather finish what you started.”  
you hesitate for a beat, teeth worrying your lower lip, and he can see the wheels turning behind your eyes. calculating. weighing options. then you sigh, roll your eyes again, and walk over with that purposeful stride that makes his pulse quicken. your bare feet make no sound on the wooden floor, but he tracks every step.  
“sit,” you command, and there’s something different in your voice now. less fear, more exasperation. your hands find your hips, pushing the oversized shirt tight against your curves. “if you pass out, i don’t wanna drag your corpse.”  
he settles into the chair with a grunt, spreading his legs wide and leaning back. the position puts you between his thighs when you step closer, and he doesn’t miss the way you tense at the proximity. doesn’t miss the way your breath catches when you get your first good look at the damage. his eyes—moonlight and mischief—never leave your face.  
“you gonna patch me up or spit in it first?” he asks, tilting his head to watch your expression. his voice drops to a murmur, intimate in the dusty air.  
“you deserve worse,” you mutter, but your hands are already moving, peeling away the blood-soaked cloth with surprising gentleness. your fingertips brush his skin, and he watches the way you flinch at the contact, the way your pupils dilate despite your scowl.  
“you keep saying that, sugar, but your hands are shaking.” his voice is silk and smoke, and he leans forward slightly, invading your space. close enough that he can smell the soap in your hair, the lingering scent of his own skin on his clothes.  
“i’m just trying not to punch you again.” your jaw clenches, but you don’t pull away. if anything, you lean closer, your breath ghosting across his chest as you examine the wound.  
“cute.” the word rumbles from his throat, and his smile turns wicked. his fingers twitch against his thighs, fighting the urge to touch.  
you shoot him a look that could melt steel, your eyes flashing with fury and something else—something that makes his blood sing. but you don’t pull away. instead, you lean closer, studying the wound with the kind of focus that speaks of experience. too much experience for someone who should be playing tea parties and picking wildflowers.  
“it’s not as bad as it looks,” you say finally, and there’s something clinical in your tone. professional. your fingers trace the edges of the wound without quite touching, and he can feel the heat of your palm against his skin. “missed anything vital. you’ll live.”  
“disappointed?” his voice is barely above a whisper, and when you glance up at him, he’s close enough that you can see the flecks of silver in his eyes, the way his pupils have blown wide.  
“jury’s still out.” your words are breathless, and he watches the way your tongue darts out to wet your lips. watches the way your gaze drops to his mouth before snapping back up.  
he chuckles, and the sound makes you glance up at him. for a moment, something passes between you—recognition, maybe. understanding. like you’re seeing past the blood and the bravado to something real underneath. the air between you crackles with tension, with the kind of heat that has nothing to do with the setting sun.  
then you’re moving again, cleaning the wound with careful precision. your touch is gentle but sure, and he finds himself watching your face instead of what you’re doing. the way you bite your lip when you concentrate, leaving tiny indentations in the soft flesh. the way your lashes cast shadows on your cheeks. the way you hold your breath around blood like you’re trying not to breathe in the memories.  
“they took you young, didn’t they?” he murmurs, and you flinch like he’s struck you. his voice is soft, almost gentle, and that makes it worse somehow.  
“you don’t know shit about me.” your hands still for a moment, trembling against his skin before you force them to keep working.  
“no,” he agrees, voice soft. his fingers twitch, wanting to touch your face, to smooth away the pain he can see etched there. “but i know the look.”  
you don’t respond, just keep working. but he can see the tension in your shoulders, the way your movements have gone rigid. the way you’re holding yourself like you might shatter if he says the wrong thing. he’s hit close to home, and part of him wishes he hadn’t. part of him wants to take it back, to let you keep your secrets and your walls.  
but the other part—the part that’s always been too curious for his own good—wants to dig deeper. wants to know what made you this way. what turned a girl who should be worried about dress patterns and sunday socials into someone who can patch a bullet wound without blinking.  
“there,” you say finally, taping down a strip of cloth with more force than necessary. your movements are sharp, efficient, but he can see the way your hands shake slightly. “try not to get stabbed again before it heals.”  
he hisses through his teeth at the tight binding, but he’s grinning. his eyes crinkle at the corners, and there’s something almost fond in his expression. “you enjoy hurting me, don’t you?”  
you step back, and there’s something almost like a smirk playing at your lips. your arms cross over your chest, pushing his shirt taut against your curves. “a little.”  
“if you were trying to kill me, sugar, you should’ve aimed for the heart.” he pushes himself up from the chair, movements fluid despite the pain. he’s tall, broad-shouldered, and when he stands this close you have to tilt your head back to look at him.  
“if i wanted your heart,” you shoot back, chin lifting in challenge, “i’d have to dig through a whole lot of ego first.”  
he throws back his head and laughs—really laughs, the sound rich and warm in the dusty air. his throat works, and you can see the way his chest moves with each breath. “christ, you’re mean. i like that in a woman.”  
“lucky me.” you turn away, but not before he catches the flush creeping up your neck, the way your breathing has gone shallow.  
you finish cleaning up, fingers smudged with his blood, and step back like the sight of him disgusts you. it probably does. he’s shirtless and scarred and grinning like a fool, all sharp angles and dangerous promises. muscles shifting under skin that’s marked with violence and time. but there’s something in your eyes when you look at him—something that isn’t quite hatred.  
“don’t suppose you’re a good little housewife who makes dinner after a long day of stabbing,” he says, pushing himself up from the chair with a grunt. every muscle in his body protests, but he forces himself to move. weakness is invitation, and he’s not ready to show you any more of his throat than you’ve already seen.  
you scowl, but he catches the way your gaze drops to his chest, to the bandage wrapped around his ribs. “don’t suppose you’re the type who says thank you either.”  
“thank you,” he parrots, drawing out the syllables with a smirk. the words taste strange on his tongue, foreign after years of taking care of himself. his head tilts, and those pale eyes study you with renewed interest. “now shut up and eat.”  
he saunters to the saddlebag by the door, muscles shifting under skin that’s still damp with water and blood. his movements are deliberately casual, calculated to draw your attention. he can feel you watching him, and he makes sure to give you a good show. broad shoulders, narrow waist, the kind of confidence that comes from knowing you’re dangerous and not caring who knows it.  
the canvas pouch hits the table with a soft thud, and he settles into the chair across from you. inside the bag: two strips of smoked jerky, a handful of stale crackers, dried apple slices, and a tin of beans that’s probably older than you are.  
“gourmet,” you say flatly, poking at the jerky with one finger. your nose wrinkles slightly, and he finds the expression endearing despite himself.  
“better than whatever rot you were cooking with your friends in the woods.” he tears into his own piece with sharp canines, and you can’t help but watch the way his jaw works.  
you sit across from him at the rickety kitchen table, and he’s struck by how domestic it feels. no plates, no cutlery, just fingers and attitude and the kind of tension that makes the air thick as honey. he tears into the jerky with his teeth and watches you eat like it’s the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen. 
“careful,” he says, tone easy but eyes sharp. his fingers drum against the table, pale and long and stained with his own blood. “i counted what’s in there. you pocket anything, i’ll know.”  
“you counting how many times i sigh, too?” you chew deliberately, jaw working in a way that makes his mouth go dry.  
“yeah. and so far, it’s insufferable.” his smile is all teeth and trouble, and he leans back in his chair like he’s never been more entertained.  
you chew louder just to piss him off, and he smiles around a mouthful of cracker like he’s never been more entertained. this is what he’s been missing—someone who gives as good as they get. someone who doesn’t flinch when he shows teeth.  
“so,” he says, leaning back in his chair. his arms cross over his chest, and you can see the way the muscles in his forearms shift. “what’s your real name?”  
“what’s it matter?” you mirror his position, and he doesn’t miss the way the movement makes his shirt gape at your throat.  
“might be nice to know what to carve on your headstone.” his tone is conversational, but there’s steel underneath. his eyes never leave your face, cataloging every micro-expression.  
“optimistic, aren’t you?” you lean forward slightly, and he can smell the soap in your hair again. it’s maddening.  
“i’m a planner.” his voice drops to a murmur, intimate despite the threat.  
you snort, and the sound is almost fond. almost. your lips curve in what might be a smile if you weren’t so determined to hate him. “you plan on killing me?”  
“haven’t decided yet. depends on how entertaining you are.” he tilts his head, studying you like a puzzle he’s trying to solve. “and so far, you’re exceeding expectations.”  
“and if i bore you?” there’s challenge in your voice, in the way you hold yourself. like you’re daring him to try.  
“then i guess we’ll find out how deep the well out back really is.” but his tone is almost playful now, and there’s something in his eyes that wasn’t there before. something that looks dangerously like affection.  
you should be scared. should be begging or bargaining or trying to run. instead, you’re sitting there eating his food and trading threats like it’s the most natural thing in the world. like you’re not afraid of him at all.  
maybe you should be.  
maybe he should be afraid of you.  
the thought sends heat spiraling through his chest, and he has to look away. out the window, the sun is setting properly now, painting the sky in shades of violence and promise. soon it’ll be dark, and then there’ll be nothing but you and him and the ghosts in these walls.  
��finish up,” he says, pushing back from the table. his movements are fluid, controlled, but you can see the way he favors his injured side. “it’s getting late.”  
“what, no dessert?” you lean back in your chair, and the movement makes his shirt ride up slightly. he notices. of course he notices.  
“if you’re good, maybe i’ll let you have some of the whiskey i found in mama’s pantry.” his smile is sharp as broken glass, and his eyes—pale as frost, dangerous as winter—never leave your face.  
“and if i’m bad?” your voice drops to a whisper, and there’s something in your tone that makes his blood sing. something that sounds almost like invitation.  
he grins, and it’s all teeth and trouble. his head tilts, predatory and pleased. “then i guess we’ll have to find other ways to entertain ourselves.”  
you don’t respond, just watch him with those clever eyes as he moves around the kitchen. he’s checking windows, making sure the latches are secure. his movements are purposeful, efficient, but you can see the way he’s favoring his injured side. the way he moves like a man who’s been hurt before. making sure you can’t slip out in the middle of the night and leave him bleeding in his mother’s house.  
“you don’t trust me,” you observe, watching the way his shoulders move beneath scarred skin.  
“would you?” he glances over his shoulder, and his smile is sharp as a blade. there’s something almost admiring in his expression, like he appreciates your honesty.  
“probably not.” you stand, and the movement makes his shirt shift around your thighs. he notices. he always notices.  
“smart girl.” the words are rough with approval, and he has to turn away before he does something stupid. like reach for you. like forget that you tried to kill him just hours ago.  
he moves through the house with purpose, checking every possible exit. the window in the bathroom—locked. the one in the room next to his—latched tight. the one in what will be your room—secured with a chair propped under the sill for good measure.  
you follow him like a shadow, bare feet silent on the wooden floors. he can feel your presence behind him, warm and dangerous and entirely too distracting. when he lingers by your door, you glare at him from the bed like a hissing cat in a too-big shirt. your legs are curled under you, and he can see the way his shirt has ridden up to expose the curve of your thigh.  
“if you lock me in,” you say, voice flat as a blade, “i will break a chair through that window.” your chin lifts in challenge, and there’s fire in your eyes. promise and threat all rolled into one.  
“just keeping the wildlife out, sugar. and by wildlife, i mean you.” his voice is honey and steel, and he leans against the doorframe like he has all the time in the world. like he’s not fighting the urge to step closer, to see what you’d do if he did.  
he informs you flatly, voice taking on that authoritative edge that brooks no argument: “you’re in the room across from mine. don’t bother trying the front door—barred it already. pump’s out back if you need to wash that filthy mouth.” his eyes drop to your lips as he says it, and you can see the way his jaw clenches.  
you bristle at the casual dismissal, at the way he’s arranging your life like you’re a doll in a dollhouse. your hands clench into fists, and he can see the way your breathing has gone shallow. “and if you’re thinking of running,” he continues, his voice dropping to a whisper, “just remember—i don’t miss twice.”  
your response is to slam the door in his face, hard enough to rattle the frame. but not before he sees the way you bite your lip, the way your eyes flash with something that might be excitement. he chuckles, low and pleased, and heads to his own room. the sound of your frustrated cursing follows him down the hall, and he finds himself grinning despite the exhaustion weighing down his bones.  
his mother’s room—his room now, he supposes—is exactly as she left it. lace curtains and faded quilts, the smell of lavender and old roses. he strips off his boots and settles onto the bed with a grunt, every muscle in his body screaming for rest. the sheets are soft against his skin, and he can still smell your soap in his hair.  
but he doesn’t close his eyes. instead, he reaches for his revolver, checks the chambers, and places it within easy reach on the nightstand. old habits die hard, and he’s not about to let his guard down just because you’re pretty and wearing his shirt.  
through the thin walls, he can hear you moving around. pacing, maybe. plotting, probably. the floorboards creak under your feet, and he finds himself mapping your movements. three steps to the window, pause, four steps to the door. back to the window. back to the door. he can picture you in his mind—barefoot and furious, his shirt hanging loose around your thighs as you plan your next move.  
you’re caged, and you know it. caged and furious and probably scared, though you hide it well. he should feel guilty about that. should feel something resembling remorse for taking your freedom, for making you a prisoner in his mother’s house.  
but all he feels is anticipation. like the moment before a storm breaks, when the air goes electric and everything holds its breath. like the moment before a gunfight, when time slows and the world narrows to a single point of contact.  
he stares at the ceiling, listening to your restless movements, and mutters: “what the hell have i brought into my mother’s house.” his voice is rough with exhaustion and something else. something that sounds dangerously like want.  
but there’s a smile tugging at his lips. because he knows damn well what he’s brought home. trouble. temptation. the kind of woman who stabs first and asks questions later. the kind of woman who wears his clothes like armor and looks at him like she’s trying to decide if he’s worth the trouble.  
and he’s never been more awake.  
the house settles around them, full of shadows and secrets and the promise of tomorrow. somewhere in the distance, a coyote howls, and the sound makes him think of freedom and wild things and the way you’d looked at him when you thought he was going to die.  
soon, he’ll have to decide what to do with you. soon, he’ll have to figure out if you’re worth the trouble you’ll undoubtedly cause.  
but not tonight. tonight, he’s content to listen to you pace and plan and probably curse his name. tonight, he’s content to drift between sleep and waking, one hand on his gun and the other pressed to his wounded side.  
tonight, he’s home. and for the first time in months, that feels like something worth protecting.
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leejenowrld ¡ 9 months ago
Text
‘love me back?’ — one
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pairing — mark lee x reader
word count — 22.2k words
genre — angst, smut, fluff, strangers to lovers, forbidden love
synopsis — mark lee goes from being the quiet kid at the river court to the star basketball player on campus, reigniting old tensions with his brother, jeno. as jeno’s girlfriend, you’re pulled into the rivalry, but it’s mark who captivates you. his touch, his presence—he stirs something deep inside you that you can’t shake. as the tension between the brothers grows, so does your forbidden connection with mark, forcing you to confront where your heart—and body—truly belong.
chapter contents/warnings — college au, small town vibes, 2000s teen show vibes, this fic is heavily based on one tree hill, reader is in a relationship with jeno but it’s far from healthy or loving, depictions of lust and physical connection rather than emotional intimacy, slow burn with emotional (and sexual) tension between reader and mark, basketball is a heavy theme, mark being a key player, reader uses drugs and drinks to avoid facing her emotions, struggles with communication and vulnerability, messy dynamics with themes of abandonment and insecurity, escapism, toxic sibling rivalry between jeno and mark, oooh guys jeno is a jerk! bad boyfriend jeno, explicit sexual content involving rough and emotionally detached interactions with jeno, reader makes out with mark, soft mark, emo boy mark, confident mark, understated and hot mark, references to drug and alcohol use as coping mechanisms, swearing, explicit language and competitive sports tension.
[fic ml]
ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN
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The air in the room is thick and hazy, the low-hanging smoke curling in lazy spirals above your heads, seeping into the fabric of your clothes and the sheets. The bedside table is cluttered with half-empty bottles—beers, vodka mixers—and a vape pen with a fading light. The faint scent of weed lingers, clinging to the mess of discarded clothes on the floor. It should feel comforting, familiar, but it doesn’t. Everything feels muted, dulled, like you’re watching your life from a distance, the numbness settling deeper with each passing second.
Jeno lies beside you, shirtless, his body warm against yours. Your head rests on his chest, where his heartbeat thuds unevenly, just as it always has—never steady enough to soothe you, never grounding like you wanted it to be. Tonight, it feels even more erratic, like something inside him is pulling further away. Your fingers trace lazy circles over his skin, the motion slow, almost mechanical. It’s a routine now—this closeness that never truly feels close.
He’s quiet, too quiet, and it irritates you more than it should. You inhale sharply, the vape pen slipping between your lips before you exhale through your nose. Shifting closer, you press a kiss against his neck, letting your lips linger longer than usual, hoping he’ll respond. But there’s nothing—not a sigh, not a flicker of acknowledgment. Just the steady rise and fall of his chest, his mind somewhere far beyond the room. You pull away, frustrated, the weight of the past hour pressing down on you.
“Jeno,” you murmur, your voice catching slightly, as if the words are stuck in your throat. Your lips linger near his jaw, hoping for a reaction, for something to pull him back to you. But all you feel is the faint twitch of his hand on your waist, a gesture that once held desire but now feels empty, mechanical. It’s not what you’re looking for, not tonight.
You move again, this time more insistent, straddling his waist, your hands pressing against his chest, trying to ground yourself—or maybe trying to ground him. You tilt his chin toward you, forcing his eyes to meet yours, but they’re glassy, distant, reflecting the dull light of the lamp more than any real emotion. “Are you even here?” you ask, half-joking, but the frustration behind your words cuts through the haze in the air.
“Yeah,” he mutters, but there’s no conviction in his voice. His eyes flicker to the ceiling again, avoiding yours, like he’s searching for an answer there that he can’t find in you.
You let out a sharp breath, your fingers tightening on his chest as you lean down, brushing your lips against his in a kiss that’s supposed to feel familiar, intimate. But even then, his response is slow, almost hesitant, like he’s going through the motions, doing what’s expected but feeling none of it.
Your heart sinks a little, and you pull back just enough to study his face, the way his jaw tenses and his gaze remains distant. The dim light casts long shadows across his features, making him look older, more worn down than he should. Something is eating at him, gnawing at the edges of whatever you have left between you.
“What’s wrong with you?” The words come out more accusatory than you intend, but the irritation bubbling inside you won’t let it rest. You both know what this is—it’s been like this for months now. Physical, surface-level. No connection. No real emotion. But tonight, it feels worse. Heavier.
He finally shifts beneath you, his fingers brushing against your hip, but there’s no spark in the touch, no warmth. “It’s nothing,” he says, his voice thin, barely more than a whisper.
“You always say that,” you mutter, the words bitter as they leave your mouth. You push yourself off of him, sitting at the edge of the bed, your hands in your lap as you glance over at the cluttered mess around you. Bottles, smoke, scattered clothes. It’s all a blur. “Is this really what we are now? Me trying, and you always somewhere else?”
You run a hand through your hair, glancing over your shoulder at him. Jeno doesn’t answer right away. He just rubs his face with his hand, his other arm falling limp beside him, like even the effort of responding is too much. “It’s just the game tomorrow,” he mumbles, but his words lack conviction.
“The game?” You repeat, incredulous. You turn to face him fully now, your frustration spilling over. “You’re thinking about basketball right now? We’re here, and all you care about is some stupid game?”
Jeno sits up, finally breaking the contact between you. His hands are tight, clenched in the sheets as he avoids your gaze. “It’s not just the game,” he snaps, his voice sharper now, the edge of something deeper cutting through. “It’s Mark.”
The name lands heavier than you expect. Mark Lee. Jeno’s half-brother. The one he rarely mentions, the one who has always been at the edges of your awareness but you’ve never had a reason to think about him. You’ve seen him around but only from a distance. He was never at the parties, never a part of the crowd Jeno ran with, always separate. always… distant. Mark’s never really mattered to you. Until now.
“What about him?” You ask, your voice slower, more careful.
Jeno lets out a short, bitter laugh. “He’s back,” he says, the frustration creeping into his voice.
“Back how?” You mumble, feeling the tension building. Mark had been around since you and Jeno were children but he had always been a part of the background, you never expected that to change. 
Jeno shifts beside you, you watch his jaw clench, his fists tightening on the sheets. “Back into my life. Out of nowhere. He’s on the team now—just showed up like he had something to prove, and Coach didn’t waste a second. Benched me, gave him my spot.” The words are clipped, tight with barely concealed anger.
You sit there, trying to process it. You’ve seen him before, alone at the river court after hours, earbuds in, completely disconnected from the world you and Jeno are a part of. Calm, composed, like nothing touches him. It strikes you how different he is — how he’s always stood apart from Jeno’s chaos. 
He pauses, jaw clenched, and you can feel the anger bubbling underneath, the years of resentment suddenly in the open. “My dad’s losing it. He never wanted Mark around. Hated him from the beginning—he’s always seen him as the mistake, the one thing he can’t stand to face. But now Mark’s back, and it’s like this unspoken challenge. Like Mark’s here to prove he’s better, or he can take everything that’s mine.”
You shift uncomfortably, unsure how to respond to the intensity of his words. “Jeno… I’m sure it’s not that deep. It’s literally just basketball.”
His gaze snaps to you, deadpan. Anger flickers in his expression, a tightness in his jaw that hadn’t been there moments before. You’ve said the wrong thing. You can feel it. He looks at you like you don’t get it—like you don’t understand him at all.
There’s something wild in his eyes now, something untamed. “It’s never just been basketball,” he says, voice sharp, frustration lacing every word. “He’s always wanted everything I have. He’s always been there, lurking. And now he’s coming for everything—my spot, my life.” He pauses, his voice dropping lower, quieter, almost as if he’s afraid to say it out loud. “And you.”
The words hang heavy in the air, sinking into the silence that stretches between you. You stare at him, stunned, trying to process what he’s just said. And you. A chill runs through you. For a moment, you don’t know how to respond, how to make sense of what he’s implying.
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Jeno pulls up to the river court erratically, tires skidding on the gravel as he parks. The way he moves—quick, aggressive—mirrors the tension that’s been building between him and Mark for days. You’d rather be anywhere but here, surrounded by the weight of this impending showdown, but for Jeno, this is his element. He thrives in moments like these, where all eyes are on him, where the crowd fuels his need for attention and validation. Every glance, every whispered conversation from the sidelines—Jeno drinks it all in, the girls batting their eyes at him only adding to his confidence.
You feel the stares too. You and Jeno aren’t just well-known—you’re desired. The kind of couple everyone talks about, whispers about behind your backs. People want to be you or be with you. You’ve seen the way their eyes follow you both, lingering a little too long, filled with envy and something darker. It’s intoxicating, usually. But tonight, the attention feels heavier, more suffocating, like it’s pressing down on you, trapping you in this moment where everything feels like it’s about to break.
The river court itself is buzzing, the atmosphere charged with anticipation. The sky is a muted purple as dusk settles in, casting a hazy glow over the court. The river runs just beyond, the sound of water rushing in the background, a soft but constant reminder of the tension flowing through this moment. The court is cracked, worn from years of use, but it has a certain rawness to it—gritty, real. The streetlights flicker to life as people gather along the edges, their shadows long and looming over the pavement. There’s a strange energy in the air, a mix of excitement and unease, as more people file in. Jeno’s supporters are far bigger, louder, their voices filling the space. They want a show, and Jeno is ready to give it to them.
“Welcome to the river court showdown!” Lee Donghyuck’s voice cuts through the murmurs, playful and dramatic as he addresses the growing crowd. You don’t know him well—he’s Mark’s best friend, always lingering in the background. His narration carries a light-hearted tone, but the way his eyes flick between Mark and Jeno makes it clear: this is personal. “Ladies and gentlemen, the stakes are high, and you can feel the intensity in the air. We’ve got a battle of the brothers tonight. Mark Lee, our underdog, taking on the one and only Jeno Lee.”
Your gaze shifts to Jeno as he steps onto the court, confidence radiating from him as he bounces the basketball in his hands, his eyes scanning the crowd like a predator surveying his territory. Across from him, Mark stands still, calm. He doesn’t thrive on the attention like Jeno does—he doesn’t even seem to notice the crowd. His focus is entirely on the game, his eyes sharp, determined.
Donghyuck’s voice carries on, “In one corner, we have Jeno—star player, campus legend. And in the other, Mark—cool, calm, and collected, with everything to lose.” There’s a hint of admiration in his tone when he talks about Mark, and you catch yourself paying closer attention to him too. You’ve never really noticed Mark before, but now, as he steps forward, there’s something about the way he carries himself that draws you in. The quiet confidence, the determination in his eyes… it’s hard not to watch him.
The game starts fast. Jeno wastes no time, dribbling aggressively, his body coiled with energy, every movement sharp, intentional. Mark, on the other hand, is methodical, almost serene in the way he moves, his eyes never leaving the ball. Jeno talks trash as they play, his voice loud enough for the crowd to hear. “You don’t belong here, Mark. This isn’t your world.”
Mark doesn’t respond, his focus unwavering. You can see it—the way his eyes track the ball, his calm under pressure. He’s not here to prove anything to Jeno; he’s here for himself. Every shot Mark takes is calculated, precise. He moves with a fluidity that surprises you, and you catch yourself watching more intently than you expected, noticing the subtle shift in his posture, the way his eyes sharpen when he finds an opening. There’s something intimate in the way he plays, an art to his determination that makes it impossible not to be drawn in.
“And Mark with the shot—boom! Nothing but net!” Donghyuck’s voice is filled with excitement, and the crowd reacts with gasps. You can hear the surprise rippling through them. Jeno wasn’t expecting this, and neither were they. “He’s got game, ladies and gentlemen. Jeno might have his work cut out for him.”
Jeno’s frustration grows with each point Mark scores. You can see it in the way his movements become more frantic, more desperate to overpower Mark. But Mark doesn’t falter. He doesn’t need to respond to Jeno’s taunts, and doesn't need to engage in the mind games. His eyes are always on the prize, his determination unshakable.
As the game continues, it’s clear that Jeno underestimated his brother. Mark isn’t just holding his own—he’s thriving. Each basket he makes feels like a step out of the shadow Jeno has cast over him for so long. For Jeno, this is about dominance, about keeping Mark out of his world. But for Mark, it’s about more than that. It’s about carving out his own place, about proving he can hold his own.
Jeno dribbles back, eyes narrowing as he pulls up from way beyond the three-point line, his body coiling with the kind of confidence that comes from years of dominance on the court. His movements are fluid, almost graceful as he rises to take the shot, the ball leaving his fingertips in a perfect arc. For a second, it looks like it’s going in—like he’s about to remind everyone why he’s the best. But just as the ball reaches its peak, Mark appears out of nowhere, launching himself into the air, his arm extending at just the right angle to block it. 
Donghyuck's voice bursts out in excitement, “Jeno shoots… and misses!” he pauses, eyes wide with amazement, “holy crap, did you see that? Someday men will write stories about that block, children will be named after that block and Argentinian women will weep for it!”
The sound of the ball slapping against his hand echoes through the court, followed by the stunned gasps from the crowd. Jeno stumbles back, shock and disbelief flickering across his face as the ball ricochets away, the confidence he’d had only moments ago shattered.
“Mark with the rebound. He’s fast. He’s focused.” Donghyuck’s playful tone turns serious as the game nears its end. The tension in the crowd is palpable, and you can’t help but feel it too. But more than that, you’re watching Mark now—really watching him. The way he doesn’t let anything distract him, the quiet intensity in his eyes as he takes his final shot. There’s something about him in this moment that feels… different. It’s not an attraction, not yet, but a subtle curiosity. The way he moves, the determination etched into every step—it draws you in, and you can’t help but wonder what else lies beneath that calm exterior.
“And that’s it! Mark Lee wins!” Donghyuck shouts as the crowd erupts, the shock clear on everyone’s faces. Mark’s friends swarm the court, cheering loudly, their celebration unrestrained. You watch them from the sidelines, a small, subtle smile pulling at your lips. You don’t know why, but seeing Mark win… it makes you happy. There’s something about it that feels right, like you’ve been waiting for this moment without even realising it. You haven’t smiled like this in so long.
Jeno walks toward you, his face twisted in frustration and defeat. “It’s not a big deal,” you say quietly, trying to diffuse the tension. 
Jeno laughs, though it’s not a sound filled with humour. “He’s not gonna quit the team now. I lost the bet.”
You raise an eyebrow. “You bet on it?”
Jeno’s face hardens, and the way he looks at you makes your heart skip a beat, but not in a good way. His silence is unsettling, and you can feel the shift in the air between you. “What did he bet if he won?” you ask, your voice quieter now, a sinking feeling creeping into your chest.
Jeno looks at you, his jaw tight. “You. He bet that he gets you.”
The words hit you like a slap, the weight of them sinking in slowly. You’re stunned, unsure how to feel. Part of you is angry at Jeno, furious that he would treat you like an object in some stupid rivalry. But another part of you—the part that watched Mark play tonight, the part that saw something different in him—can’t shake the way you felt watching him on that court.
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The drive back to Jeno’s house is suffocating, the silence hanging heavy in the air like a storm about to break. You’ve tried speaking, tried breaking through the wall he’s built around himself, but he just stares straight out of the window, his jaw clenched tight as if he’s grinding through every word he doesn’t want to say. His silence grates on you, each passing second tightening the coil of frustration in your chest.
Finally, you snap, your voice cutting through the tense atmosphere like a blade. “Why the fuck would you agree to let me get involved in any type of bet? Aren’t you my boyfriend? Aren’t you supposed to protect me?”
Jeno doesn’t answer, doesn’t even turn to look at you. His expression remains stony, detached, like you’re not even there. It’s as if every emotion between you is locked behind that clenched jaw. The frustration inside you bubbles over, boiling under your skin as he pulls up to his apartment, the car jerking to a stop. Before you can say anything more, he throws the door open, slams it shut, and storms toward the house, leaving you sitting there, stunned.
You follow him, heart pounding, already knowing what you’re about to walk into. But it still hits harder than you expect when you push through the front door: another one of his fucking parties.
The bass from the music vibrates through the floor, the walls practically shaking from the force of it. The air inside is thick—sweat, alcohol, smoke—all mingling into a nauseating fog that clings to everything. Half the campus seems to be packed into the house, bodies pressed together, laughing, shouting, grinding. It’s chaos. It’s chaotic, a celebration party that was meant to mark Jeno’s victory but he lost. He didn’t expect to lose so now he’s throwing himself into this mess, trying to forget how Mark beat him.
Jeno doesn’t even glance your way as he strides straight into the centre of the party. The second he steps inside, the energy shifts. All eyes are on him. Girls bat their eyelashes, offering coy smiles and glances, waiting for him to notice. The guys are quick to slap him on the back, giving him their usual praise, eager to bask in the glow of his attention. He soaks it up, drinks it in like it’s the only thing keeping him afloat.
Without a second thought, he’s gone, swallowed by the crowd. You stand there, invisible, feeling like an afterthought. You watch as Jeno gravitates toward a group of girls, the kind you’ve seen around before—the ones who always seem to be in his orbit, looking for a chance to get close. They laugh at something he says, their hands grazing his arm, their gazes hungry. And Jeno, your supposed boyfriend, leans into it.
You watch as one of the girls, dressed in a tight, glittering dress, dances close to him, her body pressed against his as they move to the beat. Jeno’s hands rest on her waist for just a second—nothing more than a passing touch, but it’s enough to sting. Enough to make your stomach twist. She leans in to whisper something in his ear, and he smirks. It’s a look you’ve seen before—not necessarily malicious, just confident, like he’s always known how to handle this kind of attention. His eyes are a bit hazy, a mix of alcohol and the mood of the night, and he doesn’t even glance in your direction.
The other girls join in, dancing around him, their bodies brushing against his as the music pulses through the room. Jeno doesn’t move away, doesn’t stop them, but he’s not exactly encouraging it either. He lets it happen, lets them touch him, lets the night sweep him up. You know it’s not about forgetting you, not about pushing boundaries—Jeno’s always had this natural pull, the kind that draws people in without him even trying. But tonight, it feels different, harder to shake off, like he’s just letting the moment take him, unaware of how much it’s affecting you.
Your chest tightens, and you stand there, rooted in place. It’s not like this is the first time—Jeno’s always been the guy who draws attention effortlessly, always the one people gravitate toward. But tonight, there’s something sharper about it, something that feels a little too close. You know he loves you, but watching him in the middle of it all, surrounded by all these girls, it feels like you’re invisible for a moment. Like maybe, just maybe, he’s forgotten how much he means to you. But deep down, you know it’s just him getting caught up in the night, not in them.
You make your way upstairs, needing space, needing to breathe. The noise below feels like a weight pressing down on your chest, suffocating you. Jeno’s room is as much of a mess as the party downstairs, but it’s quieter at least. You go straight to his drawers, pulling out bottles of whatever alcohol you can find, downing shots without caring about the burn in your throat. Then it’s the drugs—whatever pills and powders he’s stashed away. You don’t think, you just take them. Anything to numb the anger, the frustration, the feeling of being trapped and ignored.
You grab your laptop from the desk and plug your phone into the speaker, blasting your own music. The party music below is lame, anyway. With the alcohol and drugs starting to take effect, you focus on your screen, your fingers flying across the keys as you work on your art assignment. You pull up the digital image you’ve been editing for days, your eyes scanning the lines and colours as you tweak the lighting, adjust the shadows—anything to keep your mind off Jeno, off the party, off everything.
An hour passes before Jeno stumbles into the room, high out of his mind. He’s still reeking of sweat and alcohol, his shirt half-untucked, his eyes bloodshot. He glances at your screen, scoffing.
“What are you wasting your time on now?”
You bite your tongue, not wanting to start another fight, but the irritation flares up anyway. You keep your eyes on the screen, editing a tiny detail on the photo, hoping he’ll leave. But he doesn’t. Instead, he walks over and turns off the speaker, his smirk testing you.
“You know nobody listens to this crap,” he says, challenging you with his gaze.
“Why the fuck did you allow me to be bet on?” you snap, unable to hold back any longer. The question is sharp, bitter.
Jeno rolls his eyes and shrugs, as if it’s not worth discussing, as if it doesn’t matter. His casual dismissal makes your blood boil.
“Don’t fucking roll your eyes at me,” you seethe, standing up from the bed. “Don’t give me attitude. You’re the one throwing your lame parties and celebrating what? That your brother beat your lame ass today?”
Jeno shakes his head, irritated. “That’s why I came here now,” he mutters, his words slurring slightly. “To ask you if you wanna come party with us.”
“‘Us’?” you ask, folding your arms. “So that means the guys and the girls you’re fucking around with? The ones you let grind all over you like you don’t have a girlfriend standing right there?”
Jeno’s expression tightens, his jaw clenching as the accusation hits him. His eyes flash with frustration, but for a moment, you catch a flicker of guilt before he quickly masks it. His lips press into a thin line, his nostrils flaring slightly, as if he’s holding back from snapping. He sighs, exasperated. “And me.”
“And the guys,” you repeat, rolling your eyes.
“You know what, Y/N,” he says, his tone shifting to frustration. “I’m getting really tired of this. I came here to spend time with you.” He points at you accusingly, his words biting.
“Yeah, me and half the campus,” you shoot back, referring to the party downstairs.
He throws his hands up in defeat. “Whatever. You wanna be a bitch, that’s cool. Just sit here and listen to your loser rock and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Your heart pounds in your chest as you glare at him, your voice sharp as a knife. “How about you don’t see me tomorrow?”
Jeno’s face falters for a moment, and he looks at you, something softer trying to break through the haze of alcohol and frustration. “Look… I’m sorry,” he mutters, his voice low. It’s an apology, but it feels half-hearted, like he’s saying it because he knows he should, not because he means it.
You shake your head, ignoring him as you push past. The anger burns too hot, and his apology barely registers. You brush yourself past him, the touch brief but cold, leaving him standing there in the doorway, stunned and alone.
You breathe heavily, trying to calm the anger still simmering in your chest. Each inhale feels shaky, your body betraying just how rattled you are. Jeno’s words, his actions downstairs, the careless way he allowed those girls to hang on to him like you didn’t matter—it all echoes in your mind. You need to escape, to get away from the suffocating weight of it all. With nothing else to do, you make your way downstairs, the pounding bass and shrill laughter filling the space like a cloud of smoke you can’t shake.
You’re halfway to the kitchen when a few of your friends spot you. Their faces light up, oblivious to the storm brewing inside you. They pull you into a conversation, their voices high-pitched and bubbly as they compliment your dress, touching your arm and admiring the way the tight black fabric clings to your curves.
“Oh my god, that dress is insane on you!” one of them gushes, her eyes wide with admiration. “Jeno is so lucky…” 
You smile, the kind of smile you’ve perfected—wide and warm, just enough to convince them you’re engaged. “Thanks,” you reply, your voice light, pretending to match their energy. It’s easy to slip into this act, to fake the excitement, the warmth. You’ve done it before. But inside, everything feels hollow, like there’s a wall between you and the rest of the world.
As they chatter on about the party, about boys, you catch a glimpse of yourself in a nearby mirror. The dress is tight, black, hugging every inch of your body. The neckline plunges just enough to catch attention, the fabric pulling at all the right places. Your makeup is flawless—lips painted a deep, sultry red, eyeshadow smoked out in a way that makes your eyes pop. To everyone else, you look like the life of the party, someone who belongs here. But looking at your own reflection, you feel detached, like you’re watching yourself from outside your body.
You’re about to respond to one of your friends when something catches your eye—someone. Your breath catches in your throat as you notice Mark Lee standing across the room. You freeze. Your friends’ voices fade into the background, the party around you slipping away as your focus zeroes in on him. What the hell is he doing here?
Mark doesn’t belong at parties like this. It’s obvious in the way he stands, surrounded by people yet somehow separate, distant. He’s smiling, his lips curved upward, but there’s a casual awkwardness in the way he holds himself. His shoulders are tense, and he fidgets with his hands as if he’s not entirely comfortable with the attention.
You watch as a few girls, practically draped over him, giggle and bat their eyelashes, clearly trying to catch his eye. Mark’s friends are laughing, slapping him on the back like they’re celebrating something. You can tell his status is rising after his win today, and you can’t help but roll your eyes at how quickly people are flocking to him. It’s almost comical. Yet, unlike Jeno, Mark doesn’t seem to bask in it. He’s not soaking up the attention or feeding off it. Instead, he shifts awkwardly under their gazes, like the weight of it all makes him uneasy.
There’s something… different about him.
You find yourself studying the way his body language contrasts with the energy around him. Where Jeno would be centre stage, loving every second of the spotlight, Mark seems almost out of place, as if he’s trying to navigate a world that doesn’t quite fit him. It’s… endearing. His discomfort, the way he’s clearly not used to being the centre of attention—it draws you in, makes you curious in a way you hadn’t expected.
A small, quiet laugh escapes your lips before you can stop it. You can’t help but find it amusing, how different he is from everyone else in the room. And just as quickly as you let yourself slip into that moment, his eyes meet yours.
For a split second, your heart stutters, and your breath catches. His gaze holds yours, steady and intense. You can’t look away, even though every part of you wants to. It’s as if the rest of the room melts away, the noise, the people, the party—it all blurs into the background. There’s only him.
Mark’s eyes are dark, deeper than you’d expect, and the tension between you feels thick, almost suffocating. His expression is unreadable, but there’s something behind his stare—something that sends a jolt through you. It’s unsettling how deep it cuts, like he’s seeing straight through you, into a place you didn’t want anyone to go.
Your stomach twists, the feeling both terrifying and magnetic. You should look away, but you don’t. You hold his gaze for longer than you should, and the tension between you builds with every second that passes. His stare is steady, unblinking, as if he’s waiting for something, as if he’s testing you. And the longer it goes on, the more you feel like something has shifted—something subtle, something dangerous.
Finally, you tear your eyes away, your heart racing in your chest. You turn, your movements quick and sharp, almost desperate to break the connection. But the weight of his gaze lingers on you, even after you walk away, the tension hanging in the air long after the moment has passed. Something has shifted, and you can feel it deep in your bones.
You don’t know what it is, but you’re certain of one thing: you’re not ready to face it yet.
You storm off, your heart pounding with a mix of frustration and betrayal, the thoughts of Jeno’s reckless behaviour and the bet swirling in your mind. Every step feels heavier, like the weight of everything that’s happened is pressing down on your chest. The muffled noise of the party below fades into the background as you climb the stairs, heading straight for Jeno’s room. The air feels thick, the kind of tension that wraps around you and makes it hard to breathe.
He bet on you.
The thought keeps ringing in your mind, making your stomach churn. It’s a hollow realisation, but one you can’t shake—like every guy in your life somehow views you as a prize, something to win or lose. Your chest tightens with anger, but it’s not just aimed at Jeno. It’s aimed at Mark too. He was part of it. Part of the game, the manipulation. 
You reach Jeno’s room and shove the door open, needing the space, needing to breathe. The familiar smell of his cologne mixed with weed hits you. The room is a mess, clothes and empty bottles scattered everywhere, a chaotic reflection of everything wrong between you and him. You step inside, your hands trembling slightly as you try to make sense of everything swirling in your mind.
But before you can take a breath, you hear footsteps behind you.
Your heart skips, the sudden sound catching you off guard. You whip around, expecting Jeno, but instead, it’s Mark standing in the doorway. His expression unreadable, his hands tucked into his pockets like he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.
“Hey,” Mark says, his voice soft but carrying through the tension in the room.
You stand in shock, your eyes narrowing in on him. The last person you want to see right now is Mark Lee, of all people. “What do you want? Why are you following me?” Your voice comes out harsher than you intend, but you don’t care. The anger flares up, twisting in your chest. “Why are you even in Jeno’s room? Do you want me to call him?”
Mark’s expression shifts, his lips curling into a half-smirk that makes your blood boil. “Yeah, you won’t do that.” he says, voice calm but biting. “Bit of a weird relationship you guys have, huh? You’re his girlfriend, but he spends the night flirting and touching other girls?”
His words hit harder than you expect, cutting deep. You swallow, trying to hold back the frustration bubbling inside you, but it spills over anyway. “You’re not allowed to talk about my relationship,” you snap, stepping closer, the distance between you narrowing. “How dare you… how dare you tell Jeno that you wanted me if you won the game earlier?”
Mark chuckles, the sound low and dry. “Just when I think Jeno couldn’t be more of a jerk,” he mutters, shaking his head. “I changed my mind, alright? I agreed that if I won, I’d quit the team. Did he bother telling you that, or did he just let you believe the worst?” 
You freeze, stunned. The weight of his words hangs heavy between you. “Why would you… why would you want to quit the team?”
Mark’s expression softens for a moment, the tension easing slightly from his posture. He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Because I’m tired of this,” he says, his voice quieter now, more genuine. “I don’t want to be in Jeno’s world anymore, competing with him over every little thing. Basketball used to be fun for me, but not when it’s all about one-upping him. It’s exhausting.”
You stare at him, processing the weight of what he’s just said. He’s not just tired of the rivalry—he’s tired of everything that comes with it, the constant competition, the games, the need to prove something. It’s so different from the way Jeno sees things.
You truthfully had no idea how intertwined Mark and Jeno’s lives had become recently. It feels strange, realising you’ve been standing on the outside of something so tangled. You’re meant to be Jeno’s girlfriend, yet you’ve never seen this side of his life—not until today when he mentioned Mark while getting ready for their showdown at the river court. That was the first time he had ever really talked about his half-brother with you, and even then, it was brief, distant, like he was giving you only the surface.
And now here you are, standing with Mark, getting a glimpse into the mess that you’ve somehow been pulled into without fully understanding it. It’s like you’ve been involved in their rivalry without even realising it, and yet you can see the toll it’s taken on Mark. The weariness in his voice, the way he talks about Jeno—it’s clear he’s already fed up. He’s exhausted, but from your perspective, you’ve only been witnessing it from the outside, catching pieces of a story you were never let into.
You’re confused, not truly understanding the dynamics between Mark and Jeno or the tension in their family. You’ve met Jeno’s dad before, and it didn’t take long to realise he’s an asshole. Controlling, dismissive, and always pushing Jeno toward something—whether it’s basketball or his own toxic expectations. Now, hearing Mark’s side of things, it makes sense why he wouldn’t want to be associated with their dad or get sucked into Jeno’s world. You’re not surprised Mark is tired of it all.
You notice the sadness lingering in his eyes, the exhaustion etched into his features, and it makes something twist in your chest. It’s clear he’s been carrying the weight of this rivalry far longer than you realised. You don’t fully understand the complexities between them, and a part of you wonders if you ever will.
You change the subject, not wanting to push him further into a conversation that clearly brings up so much for him.
“So… you did bet on me at first,” you murmur, the anger still simmering beneath the surface. “Why?”
Mark steps closer, and suddenly the air in the room feels different, heavier with a tension that has nothing to do with anger. His eyes lock on yours, and for a moment, you feel like he’s seeing right through you. “Because I’ve always noticed you,” he says, his voice lower, more intimate. “The way you laugh when you think no one’s watching. The way you bite your lip when you’re lost in your own thoughts. The way you don’t let anyone in, but you have so much more to give than what people see.”
The words send a jolt through you, leaving you speechless, flushed. You open your mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. The room feels smaller, the tension between you thick and suffocating.
Just as quickly as he’s drawn you in, Mark shifts the conversation, breaking the intensity of the moment. His gaze drifts to the bedside table, where a stack of vinyl records sits. He curled an eyebrow, a small smile playing on his lips. “No way Jeno listens to music this good,” he comments, his fingers brushing over the edge of a record. “Oasis?”
You blink, the sudden change in tone catching you off guard. “He doesn’t,” you mumble, glancing at the records. “They’re mine.”
Mark’s smile widens, genuine and warm. “Didn’t think Jeno had that kind of taste. But you… this makes sense. You’ve got good taste.”
You shake your head slightly, still processing the shift in the conversation. Jeno always made fun of your music, always complained about how outdated and boring it was. But Mark… Mark seems to appreciate it.
He looks around the room again and spots your laptop, the digital art project you’ve been working on still open on the screen. He steps closer, leaning over to get a better look. “This… this is good,” he says, sounding almost impressed. “Really good.”
You brush off the compliment, shrugging. “It’s nothing, just something I mess around with.”
“No,” Mark says firmly, turning to face you, his eyes serious. “You’re talented. You need to take this seriously. Be proud of yourself for once.”
You blink, the unexpected praise catching you off guard. Jeno never really cared about your art. Whenever you’d show him a new project, he’d glance at it, offer a half-hearted “cool,” and move on to whatever was on his mind. But hearing it from Mark—someone who’s not even in your life—feels different. It feels real.
You turn away slightly, suddenly feeling exposed. “It’s not a big deal,” you mumble, trying to dismiss it, but Mark doesn’t let it go.
“It is a big deal,” he insists, his voice soft but firm. “Look, I know I’m a complete nobody to you, and I don’t know everything about you, but I can tell that this… this is something you care about. You’re good, really good, and you shouldn’t brush that off.”
You swallow hard, his words sinking deeper than you expected. There’s something about the way he’s looking at you, like he sees more than what you’re used to showing people. Like he’s seeing the side of you that even Jeno never bothered to notice.
The tension between you shifts again, but this time it’s softer, quieter. You feel yourself calming down, the anger that had burned so hot before now fading into something else—something you can’t quite put your finger on. It feels like Mark is seeing you, really seeing you, and that makes your chest tighten in a way that’s hard to ignore.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. The question slips out before you can stop it, and you feel vulnerable, like you’re revealing more than you want to.
Mark’s gaze softens, and he steps closer, his eyes never leaving yours. “Maybe because someone should be,” he says quietly. “Someone should tell you how good you are. How much you matter. How much you deserve more than what you’re settling for.”
The words hit you hard, and you find yourself struggling to breathe. Mark’s standing so close now, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off him, and for a moment, you forget everything else. You forget about the party downstairs, the chaos with Jeno, the bet. All you can focus on is the way Mark is looking at you, the sincerity in his eyes.
You want to say something, anything, but the words are stuck in your throat. There’s a strange electricity in the air between you, like you’re standing on the edge of something dangerous and exciting all at once. Your mind is telling you to stop, to pull back, but your body doesn’t move.
And then, before you can fully process what’s happening, Mark reaches out, his fingers gently brushing against your arm. The touch is soft, tentative, but it sends a jolt through you.
“Mark…” you murmur, unsure of what you’re even trying to say.
But he’s already pulling his hand back, stepping away just enough to give you space, the intensity of the moment easing. He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a small laugh, but it’s not out of amusement—it’s out of the tension that’s still lingering between you both.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice low. “I didn’t mean to make things weird. I just… I don’t know, I felt like you needed to hear that.”
You stand there, your heart racing, and for a second, you don’t know how to respond. Everything feels charged, like you’re balancing on a knife’s edge. You know you shouldn’t feel anything like this. He’s Jeno’s brother, after all, and this is already messy enough. But the way Mark looks at you, the way he speaks to you—it feels different. Different from Jeno. Different from anyone.
“I should go,” you finally say, the words shaky and unconvincing.
But before you can make a move, Mark stops you again, his voice soft but commanding. “Wait.”
You turn back, meeting his eyes again, and the tension that had briefly eased floods back, stronger than ever. He looks at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable, but his eyes—his eyes are full of something you can’t quite place.
“Why are you with him?” Mark asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
The question catches you off guard. You open your mouth to respond, but no words come out. Because deep down, you’re not sure you know the answer anymore. The connection you once had with Jeno feels distant, hollow, like it’s slipping through your fingers the more you try to hold on.
Mark takes a step closer, and you feel your breath hitch in your throat. His presence is overwhelming, and for the first time tonight, you feel truly seen. Not as Jeno’s girlfriend, not as someone who’s part of the chaos—but as yourself.
“Because,” you start, your voice shaky. “It’s easier than admitting that maybe we’re not right for each other. It’s easier than dealing with everything that’s falling apart.”
Mark’s eyes soften, and for a moment, he looks like he understands you in a way no one else has. He doesn’t push you for more, doesn’t make you feel guilty for your honesty. He just listens, and that feels like something you’ve been missing for a long time.
There’s a long silence between you, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s heavy, charged with all the things you’re both not saying, but also filled with a strange sense of calm.
And then, Mark’s voice breaks through the quiet.
“You deserve better than ‘easy,’” he says softly, and his words sink deep into your chest, stirring something you’ve been trying to ignore for too long.
The room feels smaller, the air between you buzzing with something electric. For the first time, you wonder if maybe Mark’s right. Maybe you do deserve better. Maybe ‘easy’ isn’t enough anymore.
And just like that, everything between you shifts again.
───────────────────────────────
The next morning is a blur of regret and a pounding headache, the hangover hitting you harder than usual. You drag yourself out of bed, thoughts of last night swirling in your mind. Mark. You can’t stop thinking about him, the way he spoke to you, the way he looked at you. It’s unsettling how much it affected you, how easily he got under your skin. You’d never noticed him before, never cared to, but now… now it’s different.
He looked right into you, saw things no one else had ever bothered to. That scared you. How could he do that in just one conversation? It’s unsettling how easily he got under your skin. You’d always been in control of how people saw you—polished, popular, the girl everyone wanted to be. But Mark… he saw past all of that. And you hated that. You couldn’t allow it.
As you walk through campus, your usual routine kicks in. The stares, the whispers—they follow you like they always do. You’re well-known, well-liked, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. You slip back into that role easily, the confident girl everyone looks up to, the one they envy or want to be. But today, it feels different, like something’s off. Like you are off. The mask you wear is starting to slip. 
You push open the heavy doors to the stadium, the noise of squeaking sneakers and the thud of basketballs filling the air. The gym is mostly empty except for the cheer squad and the basketball team, both deep into practice for the big away game this weekend. The space is vast, the polished wood floor stretching out in front of you, the high ceilings making the place feel both overwhelming and hollow.
Karina, your best friend, is standing in the middle of the court, already in full drill-sergeant mode. She’s wearing the same cheer outfit as you—tiny, sultry, and sexy. The short skirt clings to her hips, barely covering her thighs, and the tight top shows off just enough skin to turn heads. Her long black hair is tied back into a sleek ponytail, and her dark eyes flash with intensity as she barks orders at the other girls. Karina’s passionate, sometimes too much so, running practices like boot camp. You’ve known her forever, and while she thrives on drama, partying, and popularity, she’s a good person underneath all that chaos. She’s just someone who loves living on the edge and always ends up in trouble.
“You’re late,” Karina snaps when she sees you, her voice sharp. She rolls her eyes dramatically and gestures for you to start warming up. “If you’re not gonna take this seriously, don’t even bother showing up.”
You give her a half-hearted shrug, too hungover and distracted to care. “I overslept,” you mutter, pulling your hair into a ponytail and adjusting the skirt of your cheer uniform. The fabric clings to your skin, the skirt short enough to leave little to the imagination. You stretch, trying to ignore the lingering headache and the thoughts of Mark that refuse to leave your mind.
Karina goes back to yelling at the other girls, demanding perfection in the routine, and you start practising alongside them. The others around you are gossiping, their voices filled with excitement as they gush over the basketball players—how hot they look in their uniforms, who hooked up with who, and which guy is the best in bed. You block them out, going through the motions of the routine as if on autopilot.
But then, you feel it again. That familiar, heavy gaze. You lift your head, and your heart skips when you see him.
Mark.
He’s across the court, dribbling a basketball with effortless ease, but his eyes are on you. He’s wearing the team’s uniform tank top, his last name, ‘Lee,’ boldly printed on the back. The sleeveless jersey hugs his broad shoulders, showing off his muscular arms, the definition of his biceps catching your eye. It fits him well—too well. The fabric clings to his torso, outlining the muscles beneath, and you curse yourself for noticing.
What a fucking liar. Didn’t he say he was quitting the team? So why was he here now, practising like nothing had changed?
Mark dribbles closer, and as he moves past you, you can’t stop yourself from striking up the question that’s been bugging you. “I thought you quit,” you say, your voice sharp with accusation.
He pauses, turning to you, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “I did,” he replies smoothly. “But I realised something this morning—this court is where I belong. No one’s gonna stop me from being here. Not Jeno. Not anyone.”
His words are like a challenge, and it makes something in your chest tighten. He stands there, his eyes locked on yours, daring you to say something more. You narrow your gaze, trying to keep the frustration from bubbling over. His presence was throwing you off balance, making you question things you didn’t want to face.
Mark doesn’t seem fazed by your silence. In fact, he starts talking again, asking about cheer practice, making small talk like nothing’s wrong. But you can’t let yourself engage. You give him blunt, clipped responses, barely meeting his gaze. You can’t afford to let him break through your walls again. Not in front of Karina and the other girls.
He huffs, his voice carrying a teasing edge. “Why the hell are you a cheerleader anyway? You’re the least cheery person I know.”
Before you can answer, you notice the other cheerleaders staring, their eyes flicking between you and Mark. Some of them—the same girls who were flirting with him at the party—are watching closely, whispering to each other, their expressions curious. You feel exposed under their gaze, like they can see right through you, like they know something’s happened between you and Mark even though that was far from the reality. 
You force yourself to act indifferent, cold. You put up the walls you’re so good at building, the ones that keep people from seeing the real you. But Mark’s not fooled. He sees through it, and it only makes him more determined. His gaze lingers, and you can feel the weight of it even as you turn away, trying to focus on the routine.
The tension between you is subtle, a quiet current that hums beneath the surface. You don’t know him well enough for it to be anything more, but there’s something about the way Mark watches you—calm, measured, like he’s trying to figure you out. It’s unsettling how easily he manages to chip away at the front you’ve put up, the one you use to keep everyone at a distance. He doesn’t push, doesn’t challenge you outright, but his presence is enough to make you feel exposed in a way you’re not used to.
What bothers you the most is how Mark seems to notice things others don’t, like he’s already picking up on pieces of you that you barely acknowledge yourself. He doesn’t say much, but the way he looks at you—steady, unflinching—feels like he’s seeing past the version of you that everyone else accepts without question. It’s not that he’s right, exactly, but the fact that he might be makes you uneasy.
Mark catches you stealing small glances at him as the practice goes on. You falter in your movements just enough for him to notice, and each time you feel his eyes on you, your skin prickles with awareness. It’s infuriating, really—the way he’s always watching, like he’s waiting for you to crack. And what’s worse, you can’t stop yourself from glancing back.
You refocus, forcing your attention on Karina, who’s still barking orders at the squad, her long black hair swaying with every step. She’s relentless, her intensity dialled up to eleven. “Come on, Y/N,” she snaps, clapping her hands. “You’re half-assing it today. Get your head in the game!”
Karina’s passion for cheer is unmatched. She runs these practices like military drills, pushing everyone to their limits. It’s part of why she’s cheer captain, part of why the girls respect her, but it’s also why they gossip about how extra she is behind her back. But you know that her heart is in the right place. She loves this life. The drama, the popularity, the excitement of being at the centre of it all.
The cheer team lines up for the final drill, a complicated pyramid. As you climb into position, you catch Mark watching again, this time closer than before. He’s dribbling lazily nearby, as if he’s waiting for an excuse to talk to you. Your stomach twists, frustration and something else swirling in your gut. You turn away, focusing on the balance, ignoring him.
But as practice winds down, and you’re stretching by the edge of the court, you feel his shadow fall over you. He’s closer now, leaning against the wall, the basketball spinning lazily in his hand. You can’t ignore him any longer.
“I thought you were serious about quitting,” you mutter, not looking at him, your fingers digging into your muscles as you stretch.
Mark doesn’t answer right away, his silence speaking volumes. When he finally does, his voice is low, laced with that teasing tone he always seems to have around you. “I was. But sometimes plans change.” His eyes are locked on yours, and you hate how steady his gaze is, how it makes you feel like he’s peeling away your defences one layer at a time.
You scoff, rolling your shoulders back as you stand. “You and Jeno are going to kill each other. What’s the point?”
Mark’s eyes flicker, his jaw tightening for a brief second before his usual calm mask returns. “Maybe. Or maybe this is the only way to settle things between us.”
You’re taken aback by the intensity in his voice, but you don’t show it. Instead, you shrug, grabbing your water bottle and taking a long drink. “Whatever. Just don’t drag me into it.”
Mark steps closer, and you freeze, the air between you thick with unspoken tension. “You’re already in it,” he says, his voice dropping to a near whisper. “Whether you want to be or not.”
You blink, trying to process what Mark means. Of course, you’re involved—you’re Jeno’s girlfriend, after all. But there’s something in the way Mark says it, something that feels deeper than just the rivalry between him and his brother. He’s looking at you like he knows something you don’t, like he sees the storm brewing before you even realise it’s there.
You open your mouth to respond, but before you can say anything, the doors to the court open with a loud bang, the sound echoing across the gym.
All eyes instinctively glance toward the entrance as Jeno strides in, exuding the kind of confidence that makes it seem like he owns the place. There’s an effortless swagger in his step, the kind that turns heads, drawing attention without even trying.
He’s late, but he doesn’t look like someone who’s been through a rough night. His hair, though slightly tousled, is styled in that perfect, careless way that still manages to look deliberate. His basketball jersey clings to his broad shoulders, the material showcasing the lean muscles of his arms as it moves with every step he takes. His name ‘Lee,’ is plastered boldly across his back. His skin glows with a faint sheen, his body radiating a kind of heat that makes you—despite everything—take notice.
Coach Suh’s voice booms across the court, cutting through the tension. “Lee Jeno! You’re late! Get your ass over here—this isn’t a damn joke.”
Jeno just shakes his head, a smirk pulling at his lips as he runs a hand through his messy hair. The sound of his laugh echoes through the gym, but it’s empty, lacking its usual charm. Instead of walking toward the rest of the team, he strides toward you and Mark, his gaze flicking between the two of you.
His expression is tight, frustration radiating off him, but it’s not just about being late. The way his eyes fix on Mark makes your stomach clench—this wouldn’t end well.
“So,” Jeno drawls, his voice low and laced with bitterness, “not only do you want my life, my spot on the team, but you also want my girl?”
The words hang heavy in the air, his accusation sharp. Mark doesn’t move, his eyes narrowing as he watches Jeno, his calm exterior refusing to crack.
Your heart pounds in your chest, panic rising as you feel the tension between them ramping up like a ticking time bomb about to explode. You can see it in Jeno’s posture—the way his fists clench, the way he’s getting ready to square up and the way his jaw tightens—he’s not going to let this go easily.
You step in quickly, hoping to defuse the situation before it spirals out of control. “Jeno, let’s just go, yeah?” you say softly, stepping closer to him. You put your arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer to you, hoping your touch will calm him down. “We’ll skip practice and hang out like we used to before. Please, let’s just leave.”
For a moment, Jeno doesn’t move, his gaze still locked on Mark, but then he turns to you, his features softening just slightly. He leans in closer, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispers, “Baby, I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have done that.”
You swallow, the tension in the air heavy, but you nod, wanting to end this. “It’s okay,” you whisper back. “Let’s just move on, okay?”
Jeno pulls back, his smirk returning as he glances at Mark one last time before turning fully to you. He speaks loud enough for Mark to hear, completely ignoring his brother’s presence. “I’ll pick you up later, yeah? We haven’t fucked in so long. I’ll make sure you have a better time than last night.”
You freeze, his words making your skin prickle. It’s meant to sound playful, teasing, but there’s an edge to it—something bitter and insecure. You can sense it in the way he’s trying too hard, covering his unease with cocky charm.
But you’re horny, above everything else, you really want cock. His cock.
“Okay,” you smile, leaning up to kiss Jeno softly, the warmth of his lips against yours a temporary distraction. Still, you can’t shake the feeling of Mark’s eyes burning into you from across the court, watching the whole interaction unfold.
───────────────────────────────
The gym was alive with the roaring of the crowd, the heavy pounding of feet against the polished hardwood echoing through the space. It was the big away game, the one everyone had been talking about for weeks. You stood with the rest of the cheer team, pom-poms in hand, cheering and supporting the boys. The energy was electric, the entire stadium buzzing with anticipation. You could feel the excitement coursing through the air, a mix of tension and adrenaline that had everyone on edge.
The crowd was packed, faces blurred together, and their cheers were deafening. The thud of basketballs against the court, the squeak of sneakers, You glanced around, spotting Karina, who was already screaming her head off, hyping up the team and the crowd, her long black hair bouncing with every movement. She was intense, as always. The bright cheer uniforms only added to the energy, and despite the tension in the air, you couldn’t deny how it all came together. You loved being part of the noise, even if you felt disconnected at times.
Your eyes were naturally drawn to the court, where the basketball players were in full motion. Mark was everywhere—sprinting down the court, dribbling the ball, his focus intense. He was confident, fully immersed in the game, his movements fluid and controlled. It was hard not to notice how good he was, how easily he fit into the rhythm of the team despite everything that had happened. He belonged there, and it was becoming more obvious with every passing second. The crowd roared when he made another shot, and you could see the respect from his teammates growing, even from the coach, who’d been unsure about Mark’s return at first.
You’ve crossed paths with Mark more than ever lately. Now that he’s back on the team, it’s like you can’t escape him. Every practice, every game, he’s there. At first, you tried not to think much of it. You were with Jeno, after all. But there’s something about Mark that draws your attention, whether you want to admit it or not. Something in the way he moves on the court, the quiet confidence he carries with him, a calmness that contrasts with Jeno’s intensity.
The tension between them is palpable. Jeno had always been the star of the team, the one everyone looked to. But ever since Mark returned, that’s been changing. Mark was gaining attention—not just from the coach but from the teammates too. He was good. Really good. And every time Mark made a clean shot, a perfect pass, it only seemed to stoke the frustration in Jeno’s eyes.
Jeno was playing tonight, just not in his usual position. And it was clear that something was off. Every time he had the ball, he hesitated, glancing toward Mark before passing to someone else. He was purposefully ignoring his brother, and you could see the frustration building. Mark was calling for the ball, his voice cutting through the chaos. “Come on, man! Pass the ball!” Mark shouted, motioning for the pass.
Jeno ignores him, pushing forward and taking the shot himself. It’s a miss, and the other team grabs the rebound. Mark’s hands clenched into fists at his sides, his eyes locked on Jeno, frustration simmering just beneath the surface.
The tension keeps building, and you feel it, feel it in the way Jeno glares at Mark during the timeout, feel it in the way Mark brushes past him, his shoulders stiff with barely contained anger. It’s only a matter of time before something snaps.
And then it does.
In the final quarter, with the clock winding down, Jeno gets the ball again. He dribbles down the court, and Mark is wide open, calling for it. The crowd yells for Jeno to pass, but he doesn’t. Instead, he goes for a three-pointer, and the ball bounces off the rim. Mark’s face tightens in frustration, and as soon as the play stops, he storms over to Jeno.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Mark demands, shoving Jeno’s shoulder. “You had to prove something by missing a shot you knew you couldn’t make?”
Jeno’s eyes flash with anger as he pushes Mark back, his jaw clenched tight. “You think I’m gonna let you take my place? You don’t get it, Mark. This was my team before you showed up, and it’ll be my team long after you leave.”
Mark doesn’t back down. He steps closer, his voice calm but cold. “You don’t own this team, Jeno. Stop acting like I’m here to take everything from you.”
Jeno scoffs, his voice rising, the frustration boiling over. “That’s exactly what you’re doing! You want everything I have—my spot on the court, my life, my girl—” He stops short, his eyes darting to you for a split second before he looks back at Mark. “You want what’s mine, and you’re not getting it.”
Mark’s jaw clenches, and before anyone can react, Jeno takes a swing. The punch catches Mark in the chest, but Mark doesn’t fall back. Instead, he lunges forward, shoving Jeno hard enough to send him stumbling back. The crowd gasps as the tension explodes, and the game halts as the two brothers start throwing punches.
It’s chaos. They’re grappling, shoving each other, fists flying as they tumble to the ground. Teammates rush in to pull them apart, but the damage is done. The anger, the resentment—it’s all out in the open now.
“Is that what this is about?” Mark growls, his voice low as he’s dragged back by a teammate. “You’re scared I’ll take everything you think is yours?”
Jeno spits, his eyes burning with rage as he shrugs off the hands holding him back. “You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you? Just because you walked back into my life and everyone suddenly loves you. But you’re nothing, Mark. You’ve always been nothing.”
The words sting, and you can see it in Mark’s eyes. There’s hurt beneath the anger, hurt that Jeno’s words have dug up, but he doesn’t let it show. Instead, he straightens, his chest heaving with effort as he holds Jeno’s gaze. “I never wanted to take anything from you, Jeno,” Mark says quietly, but the weight behind his words hits hard. “I just wanted a chance to be something without having to live in your shadow.”
Jeno doesn’t respond. He just glares, his fists still clenched, and it’s clear that, despite everything, he’s not ready to let go of his anger.
You watch from the sidelines, your heart racing. The fight, the words they’re throwing at each other—it’s like you’re watching years of tension unfold right in front of you. And though you know you should be on Jeno’s side, your heart twists when you see the way Mark looks, the way he’s trying to hold himself together while everything falls apart around him.
Jeno looks at you, expecting you to come to his side, to back him up like you always have. But you can’t. Not this time. Not when you can see the pain in Mark’s eyes, the vulnerability he’s trying so hard to hide. You hesitate, your mind racing with everything that’s happened, torn between the loyalty you owe to Jeno and the empathy you feel for Mark.
Before you can think too much, you find yourself stepping forward, your voice soft but clear. “Jeno… maybe it’s time to let this go.”
Jeno’s eyes snap to you, his expression shifting from anger to disbelief. “What? You’re taking his side now?”
“I’m not taking sides,” you say quietly, but the look in Jeno’s eyes tells you he doesn’t believe that. “I just think this has gone too far. Both of you need to stop before it gets worse.”
Mark stands there, silent but watching you, his gaze steady, like he’s waiting to see what you’ll do next. And for a moment, you catch the flicker of something in his eyes—gratitude, maybe, or understanding. It’s brief, but it’s there.
Jeno lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Of course. Of course, you’d side with him.”
You swallow hard, feeling the weight of Jeno’s words, but before you can respond, the coach steps in, finally ending the fight and calling off the game.
As the crowd disperses and the players start to leave the court, you find yourself standing in the middle of it all, your heart heavy with everything that’s happened. Jeno storms off without another word, and Mark lingers for a moment, his eyes meeting yours once more before he turns and walks away. Jeno’s jaw was clenched, fists still balled as he stormed off the court. He didn’t look at you, not even once. Not after the fight started and not when he walked away, the tension radiating off him in waves.
You waited outside the locker room, hoping things would cool off, but Jeno was waiting for you. The moment your eyes met his, you knew this wasn’t going to be just another argument. There was something different in his gaze—something deeper, angrier.
“You let him get to you,” you said, your voice tinged with frustration as you stood before him, trying to keep your own emotions in check.
Jeno’s expression darkened, his jaw tightening as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “You think this is just about him getting on my nerves?” His voice was sharp, filled with a bitterness that made your stomach twist. “It’s never been that simple. He keeps trying to edge me out. First, he steps onto the court, taking my place there, and now…”
He paused, the weight of his words heavy in the air. When his eyes finally met yours, there was something raw in his gaze, something that made your chest tighten.
“And now it feels like he’s trying to take you too,” Jeno muttered, the accusation hanging between you like a loaded gun.
The shock hit you like a wave, leaving you speechless for a moment. “What? What are you even saying?” you stammered, though the crack in your voice betrayed the strength you were trying to summon. Your heart raced, and your hands trembled slightly at your sides.
Jeno’s frustration boiled over as he stepped closer, the intensity in his eyes almost too much to bear. “I’m not blind, Y/N. I see it. The way things have changed between us… The way you look at him when you think no one’s watching. You’ve been different, distant. You think I haven’t noticed?” His voice was laced with something that felt like betrayal, something that cut deep even before you could fully process what he was accusing you of.
“You’re wrong,” you whispered, but even as the words left your mouth, they felt hollow.
“Am I?” He scoffed, stepping closer until there was barely any space left between you. 
The lump in your throat made it hard to speak, the tears already threatening to spill over. “I’ve been trying, Jeno. I—”
“Trying?” he cut you off, his voice harsh and biting. “This is you trying? Because from where I’m standing, it feels like you’re slipping away from me. You’re slipping away, Y/N, and it’s because of him. Admit it.”
The tears finally broke free, sliding down your cheeks before you could stop them. It was too much—the accusations, the anger, the way he looked at you like he didn’t recognize you anymore. “I can’t do this,” you murmured, shaking your head, your voice barely holding together. “I’m trying, but you—”
Without waiting for his response, you turned and bolted, your feet moving before your mind could catch up. The sounds of the gym—shouts, sneakers squeaking on the polished floor, the dull thud of the basketball—faded behind you as you disappeared into the dimly lit hallways. The air was colder here, the emptiness wrapping around you like a shroud. But it couldn’t stop the sobs from rising in your throat, harsh and relentless, each one cutting deeper than the last.
You couldn’t remember the last time you cried. Not like this. Not the kind of tears that felt like they were tearing you apart from the inside out, like they’d been building for years, waiting for this very moment to break free.
Your chest heaved, your breaths ragged and uneven as you stumbled into a dark corner, sliding down against the cool wall. The hallway was silent, save for the sound of your sobs echoing back at you. You felt so raw, so exposed, like every layer of protection you’d built over the years had been stripped away in an instant. Vulnerability wasn’t something you allowed yourself to feel often—maybe ever—but here you were, unable to stop it.
Tears blurred your vision, and you pressed your hands to your face, trying to muffle the sound of your cries. But it was no use. The emotions had taken hold, refusing to let go. The anger, the hurt, the fear of everything unraveling—it was too much.
For so long, you had kept it all together, every crack patched up with a smile or a dismissive shrug. But this time… this time you couldn’t. You couldn’t stop the flood. And it terrified you because you didn’t know what came next. What was left when all the masks came off, when the facade you’d worked so hard to maintain finally crumbled?
You don’t know how long you’d been sitting there, curled up on the cold bench in one of the quieter hallways, your face buried in your hands as sobs wracked your body. Time felt like it had lost meaning, and you were too exhausted to care.
But when you heard soft footsteps approaching, you didn’t move. You didn’t have the energy. A familiar presence settled next to you. You felt it before you saw him, the warmth of his body close to yours, the quiet concern that radiated from him.
“Y/N,” Mark’s voice was soft, almost tentative. He crouched in front of you, his face level with yours, his eyes filled with concern. “Are you okay?”
The question felt absurd, considering the mess you were in, but something about the way he asked it—so gently, so genuinely—caught you off guard. He wasn’t demanding answers, wasn’t prying. He just wanted to be there.
“I’m fine,” you mumbled, trying to brush him off, but your voice cracked, betraying you. Your hands trembled as you wiped at your eyes, trying to pull yourself together, but it was no use. You couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Mark didn’t push. Instead, he quietly sat beside you, the weight of his presence comforting in its simplicity. He didn’t say anything, didn’t try to fill the silence with empty words. He just stayed there, his quiet strength offering more support than you’d realized you needed.
And then, before you knew it, you were crying again. Harder this time. The tears came in waves, overwhelming and unstoppable, and you felt yourself crumbling under the weight of everything you’d been holding in.
Without a word, Mark wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his chest in a gesture so simple, yet so needed. He held you close, one hand gently rubbing your back as the other rested on your shoulder. It wasn’t forceful or overwhelming—it was soft, steady, like he was offering you a safe space to break down.
“It’s okay,” he murmured, his voice soothing, steady. “You don’t have to hold it in.”
His words were like a lifeline, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you allowed yourself to let go. To stop pretending, stop fighting. You buried your face in his shoulder, your sobs muffled against his chest as the tears flowed freely.
Mark held you through it all, his presence grounding you, making you feel like maybe, just maybe, you weren’t alone in this. He didn’t say much—just whispered reassurances when the sobs became too much, his hand continuing its slow, comforting motion on your back.
When your sobs finally began to subside, you pulled back slightly, your eyes puffy and red, your breath still shaky. You met his gaze, and for the first time, you didn’t feel the need to hide.
He wasn’t judging you. He wasn’t expecting you to be strong or put together. He just… saw you. The real you. The vulnerable, broken, messy you.
“Thank you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible, thick with emotion.
Mark’s gaze softened, his hand still resting gently on your back. “You don’t have to thank me,” he said quietly. “You don’t have to go through anything alone. You deserve better”
His words hit you harder than you expected, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. There was something in his voice, something in the way he looked at you, that made you believe him. Made you feel like, for the first time in a long time, someone saw you for who you really were—and didn’t turn away.
You nodded, your throat tight, and Mark gave you a small, understanding smile, his hand lingering for just a moment longer before he pulled back, giving you space to breathe.
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The next few weeks passed in a blur of practices, games, and strained silence. You and Jeno had settled into a routine of avoidance—every fight left more scars, and neither of you seemed to know how to bridge the growing gap. Every interaction felt heavy, filled with unspoken words and bubbling frustration that neither of you could release. Even the once-effortless sexual connection between you had started to lose its spark, leaving behind a dull ache in its place.
But the only constant, ironically, was Mark.
But you tried to hide it because Jeno was beginning to suspect something. You denied all accusations. Maybe you were just acting petty, trying to make a point and prove Jeno that he was wrong even though you knew he was right. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because you were scared—scared to open up to Mark, scared to admit that the feelings stirring inside you weren’t as simple as you wanted them to be.
You told yourself it didn’t mean anything—that your stolen glances, the way you lingered a bit longer than you should during practices, was just harmless. But deep down, you knew better. Something was growing between you two, an unspoken pull that had you circling each other in quiet tension.
Today, it all came to a head during practice.
You moved through the stretches with fluid precision, your body bending and arching with every calculated motion. The gym lights flickered overhead, casting a golden hue on your skin as you twisted and turned, giving the cheerleaders around you a preview of the sultry moves you had perfected. Each stretch felt like a deliberate invitation, especially when you bent low, ass pushing out, skirt rising just high enough to leave little to the imagination. The hem of your cheerleading skirt barely brushed the tops of your thighs, teasing the smooth expanse of your skin as you moved.
Your body felt alive, the beat of the music in the background fueling the slow, rhythmic sway of your hips. You could feel the stretch in your thighs, the way the muscles tensed and released as you shifted your weight from one leg to the other, the fabric of your skirt rising dangerously high with each movement. Your arms lifted above your head, drawing attention to the curve of your waist, the way the tight cheer top clung to your chest, accentuating every dip and curve.
You knew eyes were on you. You felt it.
But one set of eyes burned hotter than the rest.
Mark’s gaze was a constant, heavy presence, dragging over every inch of your body as you moved. He wasn’t trying to hide it. No, he wasn’t even subtle. Every time you bent low or did a quick flip of your hair, his eyes were right there, drinking in the sight of your ass, the bare stretch of your thighs. His gaze was intense, following the rise and fall of your body as though he was committing every detail to memory.
Your skirt rose a little higher as you shifted into a new move, a slut drop, your thighs tightening as you lowered your body, giving him an even better view. You felt the air against your skin, the way the heat of the gym mingled with the cool brush of fabric as it rode up higher with each deliberate movement. It made you feel powerful. Sexy. You were showing off, and you knew it.
Mark’s reaction was immediate. His jaw tightened as he watched, his fingers gripping the basketball tighter than necessary, veins bulging along his forearm. The way his eyes roamed over you, dark with want, made a shiver run down your spine. He didn’t blink, didn’t even bother pretending to focus on the practice drills.
Instead, he was laser-focused on you.
You caught his gaze as you straightened up, standing tall with a cocky smirk tugging at your lips. His eyes stayed glued to you, a hungry look darkening his features. You felt a thrill rush through you, knowing you had his full attention, knowing he was checking you out in front of everyone. Your body burned under the weight of his stare, heat pooling low in your belly. It was addictive, the way he looked at you like he wanted to devour you right there in the middle of the gym.
You could feel Jeno’s eyes on you too, burning with barely concealed jealousy as he watched the unspoken tension pass between you and Mark. But you didn’t stop. You didn’t care. The power you felt from knowing Mark couldn’t keep his eyes off you only fueled you more. The harder Jeno stared, the deeper you sank into your movements, stretching further, leaning into the seductive rhythm of the routine.
And then it happened—Mark, distracted, let the basketball slip from his grip. The sound of it bouncing toward you pulled you from your trance just in time to see it come flying in your direction. You barely had time to react, the ball missing you by mere inches, the whoosh of air sending your hair flying.
The entire gym fell silent.
All eyes were on you now, the attention turning from curious whispers to outright gawking. The cheerleaders stopped mid-practice, their gazes shifting from you to Mark, wondering what the hell was going on. The basketball team paused, a few muttered chuckles floating through the air as the ball rolled to a stop at your feet.
Mark was still staring, his eyes now filled with something darker, more heated than before. The moment felt charged, the tension between you two palpable, hanging thick in the air. You could feel the weight of everyone’s gaze, their confusion, their curiosity. But none of that mattered. All you could think about was the way Mark was looking at you—like he was undressing you with his eyes, like he couldn’t get enough.
You huffed, breaking the silence with a sarcastic snort. “Nice arms,” you quipped, crossing your arms over your chest as you tried to shake off the tension.
Mark didn’t smile, didn’t laugh. Instead, he leaned closer, his voice dropping low enough that only you could hear it, his gaze burning into yours with a quiet intensity. “Nice ass,” he murmured, his voice dripping with something dangerous, something that sent a pulse of heat straight to your core.
Your heart skipped a beat at his words, the air between you two thickening with a different kind of tension. You could feel the flush rising in your cheeks, the way your body responded to the boldness of his statement, to the low rasp of his voice. Your throat tightened, and for a split second, you forgot where you were, forgot that the entire gym was watching, that Jeno’s eyes were on you, burning with fury.
You opened your mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead, you stood there, locked in Mark’s gaze, the heat between you almost suffocating. It was subtle, so subtle that no one else in the gym could pick up on the charged moment passing between you two. But you felt it. You knew it. And from the way Mark’s eyes stayed on yours, dark and hungry, you knew he felt it too.
The whispers around you grew louder, and you could feel the cheerleaders and basketball players glancing at each other, sensing the tension but not quite understanding it. But the look on Jeno’s face said it all. His jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowed with a mix of anger and suspicion as he watched the two of you, his body tense with barely concealed rage.
You could feel the weight of Jeno’s stare as he marched toward you, his presence heavy and commanding. “Let’s go,” he snapped, grabbing your arm, his grip firm as he pulled you toward him, his frustration barely hidden beneath the surface. He didn’t even glance at Mark, but you could feel the seething anger radiating off him in waves.
Mark’s eyes didn’t waver. He watched as Jeno led you away, his gaze steady, like he was daring you to say something, to do something. But you didn’t. You couldn’t. The air between you and Mark was thick with tension, the kind that lingered even as you walked away, Jeno’s grip tightening on your arm as if to remind you of where you were supposed to be.
──────────────────────────────
It’s late, and your apartment smells faintly of the popcorn Karina had insisted on making. Your legs are lazily draped across her lap as she scrolls through her phone. A few of the other girls are scattered around the room—Winter, Ryujin, and Ningning—chatting animatedly, their voices buzzing like static. You’re not particularly invested in the conversation, but you’re here anyway. You couldn’t avoid it. It’s part of the routine.
The girls gossip about the usual—boys, parties, and who’s been hooking up with whom. But tonight, there’s a different energy in the room. They all have questions about what had happened earlier, and you can feel their curious stares burning into you.
“What was that about?” Winter is the first to ask, raising an eyebrow in your direction.
You shrug, feigning nonchalance. You know exactly what she’s referring to, but you don’t really know how to answer. To you, it was nothing. Of course, Mark would make a comment like that. You looked hot today, and he’d noticed. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Winter presses on, unwilling to let it go. “You can’t tell me it was nothing, especially after seeing how Jeno dragged you out? I wonder what happened after that.”
You glance at her and sigh, deciding to give her the raw, unfiltered truth. “Nothing,” you start, watching their eyes light up in anticipation. “At first, Jeno was mad, pissed even. But then I sucked his cock, and he fucked me against one of the lockers in the guys’ changing rooms.” You pause for effect, wiggling your eyebrows as you finish, “He’s definitely forgiven me.”
The girls burst into giggles, some of them clapping like you’ve just given them a piece of juicy gossip they’d been dying to hear. They choose to ignore the toxicity of it all, the fact that you and Jeno had been using sex as a band-aid for your issues for weeks now. You and Jeno barely talked anymore. Every argument, every moment of tension, was resolved with a quick fuck rather than any real conversation. But you don’t say that part. You leave that truth buried beneath the surface.
“So… Y/N, would it annoy you if I made a move on Mark?” Karina’s voice cuts through the laughter, sharp and filled with a hint of vindication as she looks at you from the corner of her eye.
You can’t help the way your face tightens, annoyance flashing across your expression before you can force it back down. You plaster on a smile, lying through gritted teeth. “No, why would it?”
Karina leans back, raising a perfectly arched brow as if she doesn’t believe you for a second. “Just seems like there’s something going on between you and Mark. He’s been staring at you non-stop lately.”
“Just seems like you and Mark have nothing in common,” you bite back, the words spilling out before you can stop them. “I don’t know why you’re suddenly interested in him now. Is it because he’s gotten more popular?”
Karina doesn’t flinch at your retort. Instead, she gives you a slow, deliberate smile. “Maybe,” she says, her voice cool, like she’s playing a game she knows she’ll win. “Or maybe it’s because I think he’s cute. And honestly? I’d love to take his virginity.”
Your chest tightens, a wave of something uncomfortable rippling through you. You weren’t expecting that. “Take his virginity?” you repeat, trying to keep your voice steady, but you can’t hide the slight edge in your tone.
Karina doesn’t miss it. She leans in, her eyes gleaming with mischief. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. You know, how fun it’d be to corrupt him. Break him in a little. He’s so… quiet. I bet he’s just waiting for someone to show him how it’s done.” Her voice dips lower, more seductive. “Imagine his hands on you, not knowing what to do at first, but learning… fast.”
The other girls are eating it up, hanging onto every word Karina says. They laugh and nod along, and Winter even adds a low whistle.
“Girls…” Winter chimes in, her tone playful. “I don’t think he’s a virgin. It’s always the quiet ones with the big cocks who know exactly what they’re doing.” She sighs dramatically, leaning back into the couch, adding a moan for effect. “I bet he knows how to use it too.”
You roll your eyes. “No, he’s definitely a virgin. I can tell.”
The room fills with chatter as the girls go back and forth, arguing over whether Mark is as inexperienced as you claim or secretly a sex god in disguise. The conversation takes on a life of its own, filled with explicit fantasies and wild speculation.
“Honestly, there’s a rumor going around that he’s fucking Giselle,” Ryujin adds, her tone more serious, like she’s spilling some kind of secret.
“Giselle?” Ningning scoffs. “Please. She’ll fuck anyone with a cock.”
“Maybe that’s why he’s been so chill lately,” Winter says, laughing. “He’s getting laid!”
The conversation feels like it’s spiraling, the air heavy with innuendo and teasing, and you can’t help but feel a flicker of irritation beneath the surface. You’re trying to laugh along with them, trying to ignore the way your stomach twists at the thought of Mark with someone else.
But the truth is, you don’t really know what to feel. You’ve been keeping your distance from Mark, trying to navigate your mess of a relationship with Jeno, but there’s something undeniable growing between you and Mark. Something you can’t quite put your finger on.
Karina leans in closer, her voice low. “Come on, Y/N,” she says, her eyes gleaming with curiosity. “You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about it. About what it’d be like with him.”
You glance around the room, the girls all watching you expectantly, and for a moment, you feel cornered. The weight of their expectations pressing down on you.
You shrug, trying to play it off. “Like I said, he’s probably a virgin. Nothing to think about.”
“Virgin or not,” she says, her lips curling into a smirk, “he’s still hot. And honestly, I think the quiet ones are always the best in bed. All that pent-up energy…” She trails off, her voice laced with suggestion as she winks at Winter, who giggles.
You roll your eyes, trying to ignore the sudden heat rising in your chest. The last thing you want is to picture Mark like that—especially not with Karina talking about him like he’s some kind of conquest. But the image creeps in, unbidden, and you quickly push it away.
“Anyways, I heard Jeno’s gonna invite him to his party this weekend,” Karina continues, her voice light and casual, but you can hear the underlying excitement. “I think I’ll make my move then.”
You groan, slapping your hand against your forehead. “Why is he inviting him?” you mutter under your breath. This wouldn’t end well—you could already see it.
Karina shrugs, her smirk widening as she leans back against the couch. “Shouldn’t you know? Aren’t you his girlfriend?” There’s a teasing edge to her voice, and it grates on your nerves, making your blood simmer just beneath the surface.
You clench your jaw, shaking your head as you try to ignore her, but the annoyance is creeping in, settling deep in your bones. You don’t want to think about Jeno, about Mark, about whatever mess you were tangled up in between them. And you definitely don’t want to think about Karina making a move on Mark at Jeno’s party.
“Yeah, well,” you mutter, standing up from the couch, “I’ve got bigger things to worry about than your little plan.” You cross the room and grab your phone from the coffee table, feeling the girls’ eyes on you the entire time.
Winter giggles softly behind you, her voice sing-song as she chimes in, “Come on, Y/N. We’re just messing with you. No need to get all worked up.”
You turn, giving them a forced smile, but the tension in your body refuses to dissipate. “I’m not worked up. Just… tired.”
Karina’s eyes linger on you for a moment longer, her smirk still in place. “Sure,” she says slowly, like she knows more than she’s letting on. “Tired. Right.”
You let out a small sigh, knowing there’s no point in arguing with her. She thrives on this—the drama, the teasing, the tension. She always has. But right now, all you want is some space to clear your head.
You head toward the door, your phone clutched tightly in your hand. “I’ll catch you guys later,” you call over your shoulder, already halfway out the door.
──────────────────────────────
The music thumped through the walls of the house as you stood at the front door, adjusting your mini black skirt that barely covered anything. It was tight, short, and see-through, leaving little to the imagination. The lace thong you wore underneath was clearly visible if someone looked hard enough, and you had no doubt that people would be looking tonight. Paired with heels, your favorite jewelry, and a form-fitting top that highlighted every curve, you were dressed to kill.
Jeno opened the door, his expression softening into a smile as he took you in. His eyes roamed over your body, lingering on the skirt, and you felt the heat already building between you two. He pulled you in for a kiss, his lips warm against yours as his hand slid down to rest on the small of your back, his fingers brushing against the exposed skin. The promise of what would happen later was clear in his touch.
“Hey, baby,” he murmured against your lips before pulling away to greet Karina and Winter behind you with a hug and a quick nod.
His eyes were back on you immediately, dark and filled with lust as they traced the lines of your daring outfit. You smiled giddily at him, excited for the night ahead. You already knew how the night would end—tangled in sheets with his body on top of yours, all heat and passion. It was the one thing you both were still good at, even when everything else seemed to be falling apart.
The party was already in full swing, the bass vibrating through the floors as the scent of alcohol and smoke filled the air. The lights were low, casting the room in a warm, golden glow, with people sprawled across the couches and dancing in the center of the living room. Laughter, music, and the clinking of glasses created a chaotic but comfortable atmosphere. You could feel the buzz of energy around you as you stepped further into the house, bodies pressed together as the night unfolded. You were already excited for the night, already anticipating the way things would go later with Jeno. The fire in his eyes told you everything you needed to know—tonight would be intense.
But then you noticed Mark.
He was across the room, dressed casually in jeans and a simple white t-shirt, but somehow he stood out more than anyone else. His presence seemed to fill the space around him, and your eyes found his before you even realized it. He wasn’t hiding the way he was looking at you either. His gaze trailed over your body, lingering on your legs, your hips, the tight skirt that hugged your every curve. There was something deliberate in the way he looked at you, and it made your heart skip a beat.
You huffed, quickly looking away, trying to ignore the way your pulse quickened. What were you doing? You were here with Jeno, after all. But when you turned back, you saw Jeno walking toward Mark, and your heart sank. You were ready for things to blow up, expecting another confrontation, but to your surprise, Jeno greeted him with a nod and an indifferent expression. At least they weren’t killing each other.
Just as you were about to relax, you saw that Mark wasn’t alone. A girl stood beside him—someone you didn’t recognize. She was quiet, her eyes wide as she glanced nervously around the room, like she wasn’t used to this kind of environment. There was something shy about her, something that made you uneasy for reasons you couldn’t explain.
Jeno greeted her too, his smile a bit too bright as he introduced himself. “I’m Jeno, nice to meet you.”
The girl smiled shyly and introduced herself, but there was something else—a quick, knowing look exchanged between her and Jeno. It was subtle, but you caught it, and it sent a strange jolt of unease through you. What was that about?
Shaking your head, you turned toward the kitchen, needing a drink to calm your nerves. You grabbed a bottle of vodka, pouring yourself a shot and knocking it back quickly. Then another. You didn’t stop until the burn settled into your veins, dulling the edge of whatever was eating away at you.
Just as you set the bottle down, you felt the air shift—the unmistakable presence of Mark sliding in beside you, close enough that the warmth of his body brushed against yours. His voice cut through the noise, low and teasing, carrying that familiar edge that always seemed to pull your attention. 
“Taking it a bit far tonight, aren’t we?” You turned your head slightly, catching the smirk playing at the corner of his lips. His eyes, dark and sharp, flickered between the empty shot glasses and then back to your face.
You rolled your eyes, feeling a familiar mix of irritation and something else—something that made your heart beat a little faster. “What do you care?” you shot back, but there was no bite in your voice. The warmth from the alcohol was already settling into your veins, and maybe that was why you felt more relaxed around him. Or maybe it was just him.
Mark leaned in closer, his arm brushing against yours as he rested his hand on the counter beside you. His scent—clean, warm, with a hint of something that made you want to lean in—filled the small space between you. “Just looking out for you,” he said, his voice casual, but the glint in his eyes told you there was more to it, lingering for a beat longer than necessary before returning to your eyes. It was subtle, but enough to send a small shiver down your spine. You swallowed, trying to ignore the flutter in your chest as you glanced back at him, raising an eyebrow.
“Looking out for me?” you echoed, your voice carrying a hint of sarcasm, masking the way his presence was making you feel things you weren’t ready to admit. “Is that what we’re calling it now?”
“Why don’t you look out for your date?” you shot back, your voice betraying more jealousy than you intended.
Mark chuckled, the sound low and smooth, his attention fully on you. “She’s not my date,” he said, his voice casual but his eyes locked on yours.
You swallowed hard, caught off guard by how disarming he could be. “Who is she, anyway?” you asked, trying to sound indifferent, though the question lodged itself in your throat.
Mark glanced over his shoulder, nodding toward the girl he’d walked in with. “My best friend.”
You blinked, surprised by how easily he said it. You had assumed… well, something else entirely. “Oh,” you murmured, unsure how to respond.
Mark grinned, clearly enjoying your reaction. “What? Did you think I’d bring a date to a party knowing you’d be here?”
You felt the heat creeping up your neck, but you quickly masked it with a small smile. “I didn’t think about it that much.”
“Sure you didn’t,” Mark said, his voice dipping lower as his gaze flicked down to your lips, then back up to your eyes, sending a shiver through you.
The air between you felt charged, every unspoken word and lingering glance thick with an intensity neither of you was willing to name. The tension simmered quietly beneath the surface, weaving itself into the playful banter, the stolen glances. You both danced around it, staying in this delicate balance, where each smile, each teasing remark was a way to keep things light—yet everything about the moment felt intimate, personal. Neither of you dared to break the fragile line between what was said and what was truly felt.
But before you could say anything else, you felt a hand on your waist—Jeno.
You gasped softly, your mouth widening in surprise as you realized he had been watching you and Mark the whole time. His eyes were calm, surprisingly calm, but there was something underneath it—something you couldn’t quite place. You smiled brightly at Jeno, hoping to diffuse whatever tension was building. “Hey, baby. Do you want to dance?” you asked, your voice laced with forced cheer.
He shook his head, his expression soft yet serious. “Y/N, can we talk?”
You blinked, caught off guard by how gentle he was being. Jeno wasn’t usually like this—calm, collected. This was new. Maybe this was it, the turning point you’d been waiting for. 
“Yeah, sure,” you said, following him as he led you upstairs to his room. Your heart pounded in your chest as Mark watched you go, his gaze heavy, but you didn’t turn back. You couldn’t.
Once inside Jeno’s room, you wasted no time, slipping your top over your head, your mind already racing toward what usually came next. You turned to him, expecting to see him ready to go, but instead, he sat at the edge of the bed, head lowered, fingers gripping his knees. His expression wasn’t what you were used to—stormy, tense. He wasn’t undressing. He wasn’t even looking at you.
Confused, you moved closer, kneeling in front of him. Your hands reached for his belt instinctively, trying to pull him out of his mood the way you always did. “Jeno, come on,” you murmured softly. “Let me suck you off. I’ll make you forget whatever’s on your mind.”
But instead of the usual eager response, his hand gently covered yours, stopping you. He shook his head, his voice quieter than you’d ever heard it. “Y/N, not tonight.”
You paused, your hands frozen mid-movement. “Jeno?”
He looked up at you, his eyes filled with something you couldn’t quite decipher. “Sit down, Y/N.” His voice was soft, but firm as he gently pushed your hands away, motioning for you to sit beside him. “We need to talk.”
Jeno ran his hand through his hair again, the tension in his posture evident. His gaze softened as he looked at you, the weight of his words settling between you both. “We need to stop, Y/N. Stop pretending we’re a compatible couple.”
You froze, your breath catching in your throat. “What are you talking about?” you whispered, though deep down, you knew exactly what he meant.
Jeno sighed, his voice thick with emotion. “You know it’s not working anymore. You feel it just as much as I do.” His eyes met yours, and for the first time in a long time, you saw the depth of his sadness. “We’ve been together for so long, but it’s not enough. It hasn’t been for a while.”
Tears immediately welled in your eyes as you shook your head, refusing to accept it. “But we’ve been together forever. We’re supposed to be together, Jeno. What do you mean it’s not enough?”
Jeno’s expression was full of regret, but his resolve didn’t waver. “I know it feels that way, but think about it. How many days have we really been happy lately? It’s just fights, making up through sex, and pretending everything’s fine. But it’s not. We both know that.”
You swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay. You didn’t want to admit he was right. “I don’t want to lose you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I can’t. I don’t know how to… I don’t know how to be without you.”
Jeno leaned forward, taking your hand in his, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “You’re not going to lose me,” he said softly. “You still have me, okay? I still love you, and I always will. But we both deserve more than this. We deserve to be with someone who makes us happy, not just someone we’ve been with because it’s comfortable.”
The tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over, and you let out a shaky breath, your chest tightening. You hated how much his words resonated with you. You hated that he was right. But what scared you more was facing the truth, admitting that your relationship with Jeno was broken, that it had been for a while.
“I can’t do this,” you choked out, your voice thick with emotion. “I’d rather just… I’d rather keep pretending. I can’t face the truth, Jeno. I don’t know how.”
His eyes softened even more, filled with understanding. “You don’t have to pretend anymore. You don’t have to lie to yourself, Y/N. It’s okay to admit that things are messed up. It’s okay to be scared.”
But that was the problem. You weren’t good at facing the truth, at being vulnerable. Emotional intimacy terrified you, and you’d spent so long hiding behind the idea that everything was fine, that you could just patch things up with sex and avoid the hard conversations. Being honest, being real—that was something you’d never been good at. You’d rather live in the illusion than face the mess underneath.
Jeno seemed to sense your hesitation, your fear. He gently pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you as the sobs finally wracked your body. “I’m here,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’m not leaving you. You’ll always have me, but this… this relationship, it’s not good for either of us. And it hasn’t been for a long time.”
You clung to him, your fingers gripping his shirt as if he was the only thing keeping you afloat. The thought of not being with him terrified you more than you could admit. “I don’t want to be alone,” you whispered, the words broken between sobs. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“You’re not alone,” he murmured into your hair. “I’ll always be here for you. But we can’t keep doing this, pretending we’re happy when we’re not. It’s not fair to either of us.”
His words were like a dagger to your heart, twisting painfully because deep down, you knew he was right. But the truth was too heavy, too overwhelming. You’d spent so long avoiding it, pretending that everything was okay, that hearing it now felt like your world was crumbling.
“I still love you,” Jeno said, his voice steady despite the emotion in it. “I love you, but we need to stop hurting each other like this.”
You pulled back slightly, your tear-filled eyes meeting his. The sincerity in his gaze made it hurt even more. “But what do I do without you?” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I don’t know who I am without you, Jeno.”
He reached up, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks. “You’ll figure it out. And I’ll still be here, even if we’re not together like we used to be. You’re stronger than you think.”
You shook your head, tears streaming down your face as you leaned back into him, unable to fully let go. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want to admit that everything was falling apart. But Jeno was right—you were holding on to something that had died a long time ago, and the thought of letting go felt like losing a part of yourself.
For a long time, he just held you as you cried, his arms the only comfort you had left. But eventually, even that had to end. Jeno stood up, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before stepping back.
“I’m gonna go,” he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “Take some time for yourself. You’ll be okay, Y/N.”
You didn’t say anything, your throat too tight with the weight of everything. You just nodded, tears still falling as you watched him leave the room, his presence fading with each step. And as the door closed behind him, you felt the crushing weight of reality settle in, the silence echoing in your chest where your heart had been breaking all along.
You were alone. And for the first time, you couldn’t hide from the truth anymore.
Later that night, Mark finds you huddled on the ground, your knees pulled up to your chest, arms wrapped tightly around yourself, trying to hold it all in, but you’re failing. Your body shakes with sobs that you can’t control, and when you hear footsteps approaching, you tense up.
“Mark, now is not the time, please go away.” Your voice cracks as you cry out, lips trembling. You cover your face with your hands, not wanting him to see you like this, broken and vulnerable.
But Mark doesn’t leave. He doesn’t even hesitate. He gets closer, kneeling down beside you. The quiet rustle of fabric is the only sound, and you shiver as he drapes his jacket around your shoulders. It’s warm, and it smells like him—fresh and clean, grounding you in a way you didn’t expect.
“Jeno told me to come,” he explains softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
You look up, confusion flooding your tear-streaked face. “What?” The question falls out, barely coherent, as you swipe at your face, painfully aware of how horrible you must look—mascara smudged, makeup streaked, and eyes puffy.
Mark doesn’t answer with words. Instead, he moves even closer, and before you know it, he’s pulling you into him, gently guiding you onto his lap. You don’t resist. His arms wrap around you, and you straddle him, your body sinking into his warmth as if it’s the only safe place you can find.
The sobs come harder now, uncontrollable, and you bury your face in his shoulder, clutching onto him like a lifeline. He holds you tight, one hand smoothing down your back, the other resting against your hair, cradling you like something fragile. His soft whispers, the way he gently hushes you, the quiet “it’s okay, I’m here,” all create this bubble around the two of you, making the world fade away for a moment.
Mark’s presence doesn’t fix anything, but it makes you feel less alone. There’s no judgment in his touch, no expectation. He lets you cry, lets you fall apart in his arms, and that’s what breaks you even more. You’ve been holding it in for so long, pretending everything was fine, pretending you were fine.
You don’t know how long you’ve been like this, pressed close to him, when he whispers, his breath warm against your ear. “What happened?”
You suck in a breath, pulling back just slightly, though your forehead still rests against his. Your voice is small, fragile. “He broke up with me.”
Mark’s expression softens, his lips parting as he lets out a quiet “Oh.” There’s no surprise in his voice, only understanding, only compassion. He doesn’t try to fill the silence with meaningless words. Instead, his hand finds its way into your hair, gently smoothing it down, his touch so careful, as if he’s afraid to hurt you more than you already are.
He doesn’t ask for details, doesn’t push you to talk more. He just holds you, his chest rising and falling steadily beneath you, offering you a calm in the midst of your storm. His fingers stroke through your hair, and his other arm is firm around your waist, keeping you anchored to him as you cry quietly into his neck.
And somehow, in the quiet of his embrace, with his soft breaths brushing against your skin, the weight of everything doesn’t feel quite as suffocating. The pain is still there, sharp and unrelenting, but Mark’s presence makes it bearable. He makes you feel seen, heard, like it’s okay to not have it all together.
For the first time in what feels like forever, you let yourself feel. You let yourself break. And Mark is there to catch every piece of you, holding you together when you can’t do it yourself.
The silence between you feels intimate, not awkward. It’s comforting, the kind of silence that says more than words ever could. His arms stay wrapped around you, and for now, that’s all you need. You just let him hold you.
“Mark,” you whisper, your voice shaky, barely audible as you shift closer to him. Your thighs press against his, caging him in. You bite your bottom lip, feeling the tension crackle between you, and notice his subtle groan as his hips press up slightly.
“Yeah?” he responds casually, though his voice is rougher, his restraint evident.
“You’re hard,” you mumble, your tone matching his, casual, as though stating a simple fact. The firmness presses against you, unyielding, hot even through the layers of fabric between you. The heat of him radiates into your skin, the outline unmistakable as it pushes against your thigh. Your words hang in the air, blending with the warmth that rises between you, making the closeness more intimate than it should be, despite the simplicity of the moment. The feeling is undeniable, solid and real, as though the space between you is shrinking with every breath.
Mark shifts slightly under you, groaning low in his throat. He doesn’t try to deny it. “Yeah, I am,” he says, his voice deeper now, gravelly. He lets out a slow breath before adding, “It’s because you’re—”
But before he can finish, you crash your lips against his, silencing him with a kiss so intense it feels like you’ve both been waiting for this moment forever. Already straddling his lap, you press yourself closer, your thighs locking around him tighter, your body molding against his. Your fingers curl into his hair, pulling him into you as if you’re afraid to let go.
Mark responds instantly, his mouth moving against yours with a passion that catches you off guard. His hands slide down to your thighs, fingers digging into the soft flesh as he pulls you even closer. The kiss is messy, intense—tongues tangling, soft moans escaping between your lips as the heat between you grows unbearable.
Your hips move of their own accord, grinding down on him, and you feel the hardness pressing against your core, making your breath hitch. His hands roam up your thighs, sliding under your skirt, pushing the flimsy fabric up higher until it’s barely covering you. He grabs your ass, squeezing hard as you rock your hips, the friction between you igniting every nerve in your body.
You moan softly into his mouth, the heat between you both growing unbearable. When Mark’s hand moves down to smack your ass, the sound is sharp and commanding, making your body jolt in response. “Mark,” you gasp, the name slipping out in a breathless moan. His name was a broken plea on your lips as his hands continue to roam, guiding your movements as you grind harder against him, feeling the friction build between your bodies.
His hands are everywhere—palming your ass, guiding your movements, pressing you harder against him as you grind down. The heat, the friction, the way he kisses you with an intensity and desperation—it all sends your mind spinning. You feel his desire in every touch, every grip on your skin, and you want more.
You arch your back, pressing your chest against his, the kiss growing even more desperate, your tongues tangling, breaths mingling as soft moans escape between your lips. His hands pull you closer, as if he can’t get enough of you, the tension building with every second, every movement.
Mark stands, lifting you effortlessly, his strong hands gripping your thighs as your legs instinctively wrap around his waist. You can feel the heat of his body through his clothes, every hard muscle pressing against you. Before you even register what’s happening, he tosses you onto the bed, Jeno’s bed—and the realization of where you are only adds to the illicit thrill running through you. 
You watch him through half-lidded eyes as he pulls his shirt over his head, revealing the chiseled muscles beneath. His chest is broad, his arms flexing with every movement, each line of his body carved like stone. Your gaze traces over the defined ridges of his abs, the muscles contracting with every deep breath he takes, and your heart races, pulse pounding in your ears.
Then your eyes drop lower, and you can’t help but stare at the bulge straining against his jeans. The thick, undeniable outline is impossible to ignore, and the sight makes your breath hitch, a sharp gasp escaping your lips as your anticipation skyrockets. The raw need between your legs intensifies, and you press your thighs together instinctively, biting your lip as you imagine what’s coming next.
Mark moves closer, his hands reaching down to undo his belt, the metal clinking as he loosens it. But just as his fingers graze the zipper, you catch the flicker of doubt in his eyes. It’s subtle, just a brief hesitation, but it’s enough to shift the atmosphere. The dangerous, primal intensity in his gaze softens, and for a moment, he looks at you—not with the hunger you’ve seen, but with something deeper, more conflicted.
You don’t say anything, but you feel the weight of the moment hanging between you. His hand pauses at his waistband, and he swallows hard, his jaw clenching. The air thickens with the tension of everything unspoken, and for the first time, you both hesitate, the thrill of the moment colliding with the reality of where you are—of who you are.
Mark leans over you, his hand brushing against your cheek, the gentleness of his touch a stark contrast to the heat that had been building just moments before. His thumb runs over your lower lip, lingering there as if he’s warring with himself, battling between desire and restraint.
“We can’t,” he murmurs, his voice low, almost regretful.
You blink, still lost in the heat of the moment, your body screaming for more even as his words register in your mind. “What do you mean?” you ask, your voice breathless. You reach for him again, your fingers already working on the button of his jeans. “Come on, Mark… we don’t need to stop. I’m on the pill so you can cum inside of me, I don’t mind.”
His groan is deep, almost pained, as he steps back. One hand drags down his face, his frustration clear as he shakes his head. “It’s not that,” he mutters, his gaze conflicted. “You just broke up with Jeno—he’s my brother. And we’re in his room. You really want this to happen here? You want me to fuck you on his bed?”
Your response is immediate, unwavering. “Yes.”
He stares at you, huffing out a breath of disbelief. “Y/N…” he starts, voice softer now, laced with something between guilt and restraint. “No. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. Not like this.”
For a moment, everything pauses. The weight of his words crashes over you, bringing with it a wave of reality you’ve been avoiding. The intensity of what almost happened—the way you nearly crossed a line that, once crossed, couldn’t be undone. Embarrassment starts to creep in, settling in your chest like a heavy stone.
You sit up, hurriedly pulling your clothes back on, avoiding his eyes as the thrill of the moment fades, replaced by a deep ache you didn’t expect. The tension between you feels different now—charged, yes, but laced with something more painful. Something you can’t quite name.
Mark doesn’t say anything as he watches you, his chest still rising and falling heavily, the conflict clear in his eyes. You know he wants you, you felt it, but there’s a line he won’t cross. Not like this. And you hate that it makes sense. You hate that he’s right.
As you stand, buttoning your skirt, you bite your lip, fighting the urge to cry. You weren’t ready for all of this to stop so abruptly. You didn’t want to face the truth of the situation or the complicated mess your feelings had become. And more than anything, you didn’t want to be alone tonight.
“Do you want to come to mine?” you ask, the words shaky, but you force them out. There’s a part of you that fears he’ll refuse, that this will be the moment everything falls apart completely. But you can’t help but hope he’ll still want you, even if not here. Not like this.
For a long moment, he doesn’t answer. His expression is unreadable, his eyes searching yours for something you’re not sure you can give. The silence stretches, your heart pounding in your chest, the fear of rejection threatening to overwhelm you.
Then, finally, he nods, a small, almost shy smile tugging at the corner of his lips. His hand reaches out, offering to help you up, and for the first time since this whole mess started, there’s a flicker of tenderness in his gaze.
“Yeah,” he says quietly, his voice soft, yet sure. “Let’s go.”
Relief washes over you as you take his hand, the touch of his fingers grounding you, soothing the frayed edges of your emotions. As he helps you stand, the tension between you shifts again—not gone, but different. The heat is still there, simmering under the surface, but it’s mixed with something softer now, something that feels more real.
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Back at your apartment, the quiet felt almost surreal after the chaos of the night. The familiar warmth of your space wrapped around you like a comforting blanket, a stark contrast to the lingering tension still buzzing between you and Mark. You felt the shift in the air the moment you stepped through the door—the atmosphere was softer, quieter, more intimate, and the reality that it was just the two of you sank in.
Mark followed you inside, his eyes taking in your surroundings with quiet interest. The apartment was all yours for the night, a small comfort in itself, and you were already beginning to sober up. Mark, as if reading your mind, immediately took care of you, handing you a bottle of water. “You need this,” he said softly, his tone gentle, but there was an undercurrent of care in his voice that made your chest tighten.
You took small sips, the cool water refreshing as it slid down your throat, grounding you back to the present. Meanwhile, Mark wandered around your room, and you couldn’t help but watch him, feeling something shift between the two of you.
Your space was a reflection of you—a safe haven filled with little pieces of your world. The fairy lights you’d strung up glowed softly, casting a warm, golden hue over everything. The air smelled faintly of lavender, the scent of your candles lingering in the air. Your walls were lined with your art, pieces of yourself you rarely shared with anyone else. There were posters of abstract designs, dreamy landscapes, and sketches that felt like fragments of your soul on display.
Unique and delicate things decorated your shelves—a crystal lamp you had found at a flea market, a few small plants in pots you had painted yourself, and a collection of books you loved but hadn’t read in ages. The room felt like a mix of creativity and chaos, an organized mess that somehow made sense only to you.
Mark’s eyes moved from one corner to the next, a small smile tugging at his lips as he took everything in. He seemed fascinated by the art on your walls, lingering over certain pieces as if trying to figure out the stories behind them. You could see the admiration in his gaze, the way he appreciated your space without needing to say much.
“You really made this place your own,” he commented softly, running a hand over one of the posters, careful not to disturb it. “It’s beautiful..”
A warm flush crept up your neck at his words. You weren’t used to someone appreciating your space like this, not in such a genuine, heartfelt way. Mark wasn’t just complimenting the decor—he was complimenting you, the person who had created this world.
“Thanks,” you murmured, feeling shy all of a sudden. “It’s nothing special.”
Mark shook his head, still gazing around. “It’s special because it’s yours.” His voice was soft, sincere, and it made your heart do a strange, fluttery thing in your chest.
“Can you help me get my necklace off?” You ask, smiling as he’s already making his way over to you. 
Mark’s fingers worked gently at the clasp of your necklace, his touch soft and deliberate. You tilted your head slightly, giving him better access as he carefully unhooked the delicate chain from around your neck. The warmth of his fingers brushing against your skin sent a shiver down your spine, but it wasn’t from the cold—it was the softness of the moment.
He moved slowly, taking the necklace and walking over to your jewellery stand. You watched as he placed it neatly on one of the hooks, his movements calm and precise, as if he had done this a hundred times before. There was something almost tender in the way he handled your things, treating them with care, as if they were an extension of you.
Mark turned back to you, his eyes soft as he reached for your earrings next. His fingers grazed your earlobe, and you held your breath, feeling the closeness between you both. The quiet of the room wrapped around the two of you, making the moment feel even more intimate. One by one, he removed each earring, placing them in their designated spot, never once rushing or making you feel hurried.
The silence was filled with unspoken words, a shared understanding that neither of you dared to voice. When he was done, he looked back at you with a small, almost shy smile. “There,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
You needed to clear your head, to shake off the growing feelings you had for him, so you excused yourself to take a shower. As you stood under the warm spray, washing away the remnants of the night, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way Mark had looked at you. The way his presence had shifted from something casual and playful to something deeper, more intimate. The thought scared you, but it also made you feel seen in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time.
When you finally stepped out of the shower, wrapped in a soft bathrobe, you found Mark sitting on your bed, strumming a gentle tune on a guitar. You paused, tilting your head in confusion. Where did he get that from? You didn’t remember him carrying a guitar around at the party or on the way home. Had you really been that out of it?
“Where did you get a guitar from?” you asked, narrowing your eyes as you watched him hum and play a melody, his fingers dancing over the strings with ease.
He looked up at you, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I always carry it around.”
You raised an eyebrow, folding your arms as you leaned against the doorframe. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve noticed if you brought a guitar with you to the party.”
Mark chuckled, his laughter soft and infectious. “Maybe you weren’t paying attention.”
You rolled your eyes, crossing the room to sit beside him on the bed. “So, you play basketball and the guitar?” you teased, feeling more relaxed now, the tension easing into something more playful.
He nodded, plucking a few more notes before setting the guitar down. “My major is music.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “Okay, Troy Bolton.”
He chuckled along with you, his eyes softening as he looked at you. “It’s way past midnight,” he said after a moment, his voice quieter now, more serious. “You should get some sleep. Don’t you have lectures tomorrow?”
You shrugged, already feeling the weight of the day catching up to you. “I’m not going.”
Mark gave you a pointed look. “Don’t say that. Yes, you are.”
You sighed dramatically but didn’t argue. Instead, you moved to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers and sinking into the soft sheets. The warmth of the bed, combined with the softness of the moment, made your eyelids heavy with exhaustion.
As you began to drift off, you noticed Mark standing up, throwing a blanket onto the chair in the corner. You frowned, sitting up slightly. “You don’t need to sleep there,” you whispered, your voice soft and almost shy. “Come here. There’s so much space in my bed.”
He raised an eyebrow, his lips quirking into a small smile. “It’s literally a single bed.”
You rolled your eyes, patting the space beside you. “I just want someone to hold me so I can sleep.”
For a moment, Mark hesitated, his eyes searching yours. But then he sighed, his expression softening as he crossed the room and slipped under the covers beside you. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close in a way that made your heart race, but also made you feel safe.
Mark held you tightly, his arms pulling you closer, enveloping you in his warmth. You felt the steady rise and fall of his chest against your back, the soothing rhythm of his breathing lulling you into a sense of comfort you hadn’t felt in so long. His breath was warm against your forehead, gentle, almost protective, as he leaned in and whispered, “Sleep well, Y/N.”
The sound of his voice, low and intimate, sent a soft shiver down your spine. His words weren’t just a wish; they felt like a promise, like he was going to hold you through the night and keep you safe. 
His hand, large and warm, rested softly on your waist, fingers brushing against the bare skin under your shirt with the lightest of touches. It was a subtle, almost unconscious gesture, but the intimacy of it sent your heart fluttering. He didn’t pull away; he stayed close, his body pressed gently against yours, grounding you in the moment. Every small shift of his body, every breath he took, seemed to ease the tension that had been weighing on you for so long.
You let your hand rest on top of his, feeling the warmth of his skin under your fingertips. His fingers instinctively intertwined with yours, the touch delicate yet reassuring. It was more than just physical contact—it was the silent understanding that you weren’t alone anymore, that he was here, holding you through it all.
His lips brushed lightly against your forehead, a featherlight kiss that made your heart swell. “I’ve got you,” he murmured, his voice barely audible, but the sincerity in his tone wrapped around you like a blanket.
With a soft sigh, you let yourself relax completely, your body melting into his. You could feel the last remnants of stress slipping away, replaced by the steady, calming presence of Mark beside you. His embrace was warm, solid, and it made you feel safe in a way you hadn’t in what felt like forever.
As your eyes fluttered closed, you let yourself fall into a deep, peaceful sleep, your mind finally quiet, the weight of the world finally slipping away, knowing he would be there when you woke.
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authors note — surprise!! i’ve been teasing this one for a while and just wanted to drop it without any prior warning :) this is gonna be a long ride and have many more parts so comment if you want to be on the tag list :) send an ask through telling me what you thought or interact !! thank you
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yandere-daydreams ¡ 10 months ago
Text
Title: Or Someone Finds The Lid.
Pairing: Yandere!Gojo x Reader x Yandere!Geto (JJK).
Word Count: 8.0k.
Commissioned by the very lovely @elsecrytt.
TW: Non/Con, Fem!Reader, Prolonged Captivity, Severe Infantilization, Forced Deepthroating, Double Penetration, Wildly Unhealthy Dynamics, Unbalanced Power Dynamics, Geto Suguru has an Oral Fixation, Gojo Satou has a Mommy Kink, and Nonconsensual Drug Use. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.
[Part One]
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“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this.”
It had to be close to the hundredth time you’d in the past week, in the days since you woke up in a distressingly pastel bedroom, hostage to your two always worryingly possessive, but only recently deranged boyfriends. You knew, more concretely, that it was around the eleventh time you’d spouted that exact line today and the fourth time in the past hour, and as always, you were answered with a sympathetic glance, a patronizingly sweet smile. You could only be thankful it was coming from Satoru, this time. Suguru would’ve been much more condescending.
“Because we love you.” Another common sentiment, purred with just as much enthusiasm as it had been the first time you’d heard it, or the twelfth, or the forty-seventh. “And because you look good in pink.”
You sighed audibly, and Satoru pretended not to notice – only pulling you that much closer and resting his head on your shoulder. You were quickly learning that personal space, like many prior luxuries you hadn’t known to enjoy, was a right that Satoru and Suguru could revoke at will. Currently, your body was folded against Satoru’s – your back slotted against his chest and his legs spread on either side of you, the chain still attached to your ankle spread out over the mattress and the handheld console he was only partially focused on balanced on your lap. You tried to treasure the opportunity to stare mindlessly at a screen (a special privilege, considering your usual means of entertainment consisted of crayons, elementary-grade chapter books, and a plastic tea set), but for whatever reason, watching Satoru play Animal Crossing for three consecutive hours was just as under stimulating as it had been pre-kidnapping.
“That’s not a real answer.” You nudged your elbow into his chest, and when that didn’t work, pushed at his arm, just trying to get his attention. Yet another perk of your newly assigned position in this relationship – Satoru and Suguru had never made an exceptional effort to listen to you before, but now, you might as well have been speaking another language. “This is just—It’s just been so much, and it’s all so frustrating, and I don’t—”
And, just like that, you were tearing up – your vision going foggy as you struggled to hold back tears, to swallow down the whine building at the base of your throat. It was less that you’d been crying more easily and more than you were always on the verge of tears; your anger and frustration and confusion constantly at their peaks, just waiting for an excuse to spill over and leak out. Immediately, Satoru dropped his console, cooing softly as he scooped you up and turned you around. You moved to hide your face, but he was faster, more determined – his hands cupping your cheeks before you could swat him away. You weren’t crying yet, not really, but he took pains to hum and kiss away the few tears that escaped despite your best efforts. It was alarming, that crying was the only thing that consistently got them to hear you out. You tried not to think about the implications of that when paired with the pastel-pink aesthetic and the overall toddler-adjacent treatment.
“I’m really frustrated, ‘toru,” you repeated, melting into his hands. There was another coo, another peck to your forehead, before you went on. “I just— I need to know why you’re doing this. You can tell me that much, can’t you?”
“I’ve already told you, baby. It’s because we—” You cut in with a miserable, heart-breakingly pathetic sniffle, and Satoru pouted, shaking his head. Still, he broke quickly enough. “Look, you know that Suguru and I had it kinda rough before we met you, right? When we were growing up, I mean.”
Vaguely. You knew that Suguru’s parents died while he was in high school, that it’d been some kind of freak accident, but he didn’t like to talk about it. You’d met Satoru’s family once, but ‘met’ might’ve been the wrong word for it. Really, you’d sat in the antechamber of an estate the side of a small shopping mall for a little over an hour, answering questions asked by a woman who hadn’t introduced herself before being informed that, while you were not deemed a suitable partner for Satoru, you also weren’t dangerous enough to be worth the effort it would take to actively keep you away from him. Most of the time, you just tried to pretend that neither of your former partners, current captors had any immediate family.
Reluctantly, you nodded, and Satoru rewarded you with another kiss – this one to the corner of your jaw. “I know you probably don’t get it, but me and Suguru – we care about you, we care about you a lot. And the world’s a really, really dangerous place. If something happened to you out there…” He trailed off, laughing airily. An arm looped around your waist, pulling you into his lap, his chest. Instead of trying to resist, you curled against him, burying your face in his shirt as he rubbed slow, small circles into the small of your back. “You’re better off here. Getting to keep you all to ourselves is just a bonus.”
You wanted to scream, to bash your fists against his chest, to point out that they were the only people who’d ever isolated, assaulted, or kidnapped you, but he was doing what you asked him to, and the worst thing you could’ve done was give him a reason not to be as generous in the future. “…I don’t understand why you had to do—” You nodded towards your clothes – a set of bright pink cotton pajamas dotted with strawberries – then the rest of the room. “—this, though, if you’re trying to keep me safe. Couldn’t you have just… not?”
Another laugh, this one more sincere. “That part’s just for us.” This time, when he squeezed you against his chest, he didn’t let go until you were squirming against him, struggling to breathe. “Suguru does tend to let the roleplay get a little out-of-hand, but it really does help. There’s just something about seeing you all sweet n’ dressed up, surrounded by cute, soft things...” He trailed off with an airy laugh. “Makes me feel… secure, y’know? Like we’re keeping you safe.”
Something thick and jagged caught in your throat. “…this was Suguru’s idea?”
If he heard you, then that was a question he wasn’t interested in answering. “I meant the other part, too.” And then, with a slightly longer, more lingering kiss to the apex of your throat. “You look really good in pink.”
You felt it a second later – a familiar shape pressing into your ass, already worryingly stiff. You pulled away from him, your disgust too reflexive to hide. “…it gets you hard to see adult women dressed like first-graders?”
“No, princess.” A pause, a sudden nip to the side of your neck. “It gets me hard when you dress like a first-grader.”
Thankfully, before you had time to start to unpack that, you heard the bedroom door open and glanced over your shoulder to find Suguru leaning against the frame. Concern was written clearly across his expression, but it dulled to affectionate exasperation when he saw Satoru wiping away your non-existent tears. “I thought I heard a struggle,” he explained, unprompted. You hadn’t put up much of a physical fight yet, but they were both clearly concerned you would – the literal chain around your ankle was evidence enough of that. “Is it time for the little princess to take her medicine?”
You seized up at the mention of your ‘medicine’ – sedatives administered in the form of tiny, heart-shaped pills that left you exhausted and disoriented for hours at a time, if they didn’t knock you out entirely. It was what they’d used the night they’d taken you, and Suguru seemed to like to pull them out whenever you cried, or screamed, or did anything they should’ve known to expect from an acclimating victim.
To his credit, Satoru didn’t jump at the opportunity to drug you into oblivion. Not this time, at least. “She got a little overwhelmed. I took care of it.”  You slumped against him, letting yourself relax. That was your mistake, really. Maybe you should’ve had more realistic expectations, too. “But,” he went on, pushing another, sloppier kiss into your neck. “She’s still pretty fragile. A few hours off probably wouldn’t hurt.”
It was awful – how easily they could talk about you like some distant, abstract subject, how quickly they seemed to forget you were capable of listening when not addressed directly. With a smile, Suguru moved forward, resting one knee on the edge of your mattress while Satoru held you in place – keeping you from scrambling back as far as your chain would allow. You tried to grit your teeth, to keep your mouth shut, but Suguru only clicked his tongue, cupping your face with one hand while pressing something small and chalky against your pursed lips with the other. “Darling,” he drawled, infusing as much syrupy condescension into the pet name as was humanly possible. “You remember what happens to bad girls who don’t do what they’re told, don’t you?”
Instantly, your heart dropped. You remembered.
Driving your nails into your palms, you unlocked your jaw and hesitantly opened your mouth. Suguru barely waited for your lips to part before shoving the pill past your teeth and down your throat, keeping two lingers lodged in your airway even as you sputtered and gagged around him. It was less that you swallowed his pill and more that you would’ve had to choke down anything he all-but force-fed you, but whatever you called it, Suguru was satisfied – drawing back with a pleased hum only to tap his saliva-coated fingers against Satoru’s lips, instead. You shut your eyes, but it wasn’t enough.
The last thing you heard were the wet, stomach-turning noises of Satoru’s affection before everything went fuzzy.
~
You only really acted out once – about three weeks in, when the initial adrenaline was starting to fade and the slow, vicious dread of prolonged captivity had just begun to set in. You weren’t allowed to leave your windowless, ambiently lit bedroom, and by end of the first week, time had turned into something viscous and unforgiving, the endless hours only broken up by visits from Satoru and Suguru. It was hard not to be constantly on edge – unsure if you’d been alone for hours and minutes, simultaneously dying to see them again and hoping you never would. It was hard to tell what they were thinking, when you were so caught in in your own spiraling thoughts to try and guess at theirs.
Speaking of – their dynamic had become a little clearer, even if how things had spiraled out of control so quickly was still lost on you. You and Satoru had always been the dominant personalities in your relationship, with Suguru as the calming presence that leveled the two of you out, setting arguments and keeping you from tearing out each other’s throats. Now, though, the roles were reversed. Satoru was happy enough to spend most of his time treating you like an oversized, particularly uncooperative stuffed animal; something to cuddle and coo over, but not necessarily train or expect to reciprocate. Suguru, though…
Suguru had expectations.
“I need you to hold still, love.”
Suguru’s fingers brushed over your spine as he fiddled with the complex array of buttons lining the back of tonight’s nightgown. You’d seen your closest, knew they must’ve spent a small fortune on dresses and shoes and accessories, but Suguru still seemed to prefer you in sheer, cotton nightgowns and lacey lingerie and humiliatingly childish loungewear – nothing you would’ve been able to wear outside of home, even if you’d put it on willingly. It was a blessing that Suguru and Satoru were as busy as they were – Satoru with his classes and Suguru with his religious group. Most of the time, you’d find Suguru’s chosen outfit on the foot of your bed and be trusted to dress yourself. Most of the time.
Just not tonight.
“Someone’s a little antsy.” It was Satoru, this time, as unhelpful as ever. He was sprawled across your bed, toying idly with your chain while you sat in front of a vanity on the other side of the room, deliberately avoiding your reflection in the tri-fold mirror. “You should’ve let me play with her in the tub. Then, she wouldn’t have the energy to squirm.”
You felt your face burn. As if being forced to drink out of sippy cups and color with crayons wasn’t enough, bathtime was quickly becoming one of your most unbearable daily trails. Suguru always made sure things stayed above-board, but having to watch Satoru fuck his own fist while Suguru lovingly dictated where, when, and how roughly to clean yourself wasn’t much better than the alternative.
“Absolutely not. You’re too rough, and the last thing we want is for our princess to get bruised because you can’t wait another half an hour.” Fenagling the last button into place, Suguru straightened his back, sighing contentedly. “Can you turn around for me?”
Biting down on the side of your tongue, you shifted on the velvet-cushioned stool, your back pressing into the edge of the vanity’s counter as you faced Suguru. You’d made a point of not looking at yourself, but you could imagine what he saw – a thin nightgown clinging to your damp skin, your posture shrunken and your eyes downcast, every part of you made to seem small and helpless. If the feeling of his gaze burning into you wasn’t telling enough, the overwhelming delight audible in his voice would’ve given him away in a heartbeat. “Satoru, you have your phone, right? I want a picture. And—oh.” Your eyes darted in his direction just in time to see him pull a stuffed animal from one of the larger stacks; a large, white rabbit teddy, its button eyes an overly familiar shade of blue. He held it by its ears as he handed it to you. “Hold onto this for a second, love.”
You felt something tighten in your chest. You were in a bad position. You were in a bad place. You needed to be careful, and yet, when you finally managed to say something, you could only seem to spit out the one thing you knew he wouldn’t want to hear. “I… I really don’t want to take a picture right now, if that’s alright.”
To his credit, Suguru’s didn’t falter, his grin only wavering slightly. “Love,” He paused, sighed. “I didn’t ask if you wanted to.”
“I know, but—” Your breath hitched in your throat. Really, it was a miracle you weren’t already crying. “Please, Suguru. Not right now.”
His expression darkened, and yet, the gentle sigh that slipped past his lips was nothing short of tender. Still holding the rabbit, he reached out – catching the lace of your nightgown’s collar with two fingers. For a second, he just played with the delicate fabric, careful not to damage it.
Then, before you could think to react, his fist was around your neck and you were being slammed into the vanity.
There was enough force behind the collision to splinter the wood upon impact, to knock the air out of your lungs and seed an awful knot of blinding pain in the back of your head. You gasped, but it was too late – his fist tightened around your throat and you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move save what it took for your hands to find his and dig your nails into his wrist, his forearm, his knuckles, whatever you could reach. You never would’ve been able to pry him off, but you didn’t need to. He released you as abruptly as he’d lunged, and without his support, your body dropped off of the vanity’s now-dented desk and onto the carpeted floor, your dress falling into a limp heap around you. You were too shocked to cry, to sob, to scream. Suguru and Satoru had kidnapped you, dehumanized you, isolated you, but neither of them had ever hurt you. They’d never—
Except, that wasn’t true, was it? They had hurt you. The first thing Suguru ever didwas hurt you, bending you over his knee the second you disobeyed him, and Satoru helped.
For your own sake, you decided to consider this an escalation, a new development. Something neither of them would’ve been capable of, back when you still considered them your Suguru and your Satoru.
 You also decided, still for your own sake, that you couldn’t afford to think about this any longer. Suguru was already moving on, lowering himself to your height, pouting as he raked his fingers through your now-disheveled hair and evaluated your newly wrinkled dress. “I’m sorry, princess. I must’ve lost my temper. I know you must be upset – having your pretty outfit ruined and all.”
He waited a beat, then asked, “Don’t you have something to say to me?”
If you hadn’t been so scared, you might’ve slapped him. Instead, you just bit down on your bottom lip and mumbled an unsure “I… I’m sorry?”
“For what, exactly?”
“For—For talking back, and making you angry. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know, love, I know. You would never mean to do anything like that.” He was still holding onto that fucking rabbit. You felt its velvet-soft material brush against your leg as he placed it, almost carefully, on the floor next to you. “I’ll tell you what – there don’t have to be any pictures. Why don’t you take your medicine, and we can allgo to bed?”
“No!” It was a purely automatic response, as reflexive as lashing out and latching onto his arm. When you realized what you were doing, you pulled away with a jolt, forcing your hands back into your lap and staring wide-eyed at the floor. “I mean, I’m sorry, I just—” You swallowed harshly. “Isn’t there… uh, another option? Please?”
Suguru opened his mouth, but Satoru cut in before he had the chance to answer. “Think it’s time to break out her pacifier, Suguru?”
You perked up. No part of you wanted to suck on a piece of plastic for the entertainment of your captors, sure, but it was better than the alternative. Fuck, you were having trouble of thinking of something that wasn’t.
Suguru seemed to like the idea, too. He shot Satoru an appreciative smile before pushing himself to his feet, before turning his attention back to you, eagerly waiting for your next bout of psychological torture.
It was only when he reached for the waistband of his sweatpants that you realized your mistake.
You might’ve protested – or, whined, at least – but the back of your skull still ached, and you could still see Satoru smirking in your peripheral, and he was already forcing his boxers below his hips, already curling a hand around the shaft of his cock. Disgustingly, terrifyingly, he was half-hard; his bloated tip flushed a darker shade of red, beads of arousal leaking from his blunt head and dripping down his shaft. Your thoughts seemed to waver, then fry, then blot out altogether – like a video game glitching in the middle of a cut scene. Maybe you should’ve just sat still for the fucking picture after all.
“The poor thing looks so startled,” Suguru cooed, glancing to Satoru. “Why don’t you lend her a hand?”
You were vaguely aware of Satoru moving, shifting, pushing himself off of your bed and crouching behind you. His thumb pushed past your lips and hooked your lower jaw easing your mouth open with as little grace as you had remaining dignity. You tried to bite down, obviously, but Suguru took hold of your hair and pulled – the sharp spike of pain immediately dispelling any thoughts of disobedience. “He’s helping you,” Suguru chimed, his voice taking on a cloying overtone. “You’ll have to thank him properly later on. When your mouth isn’t full, I mean.”
It wasn’t, but that changed quickly. Suguru was kind enough (or cruel enough) to move slowly, easing the head of his cock past your lips first, letting it sit on your tongue as you fought not to cringe against the bitter, musky taste. Satoru pulled his hand away as Suguru eased another inch into your mouth, then another, then another – letting out a rough groan as his tip hit the back of your throat with more than half of his shaft to spare. You fought the urge to gag, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You’d given him head before, but it’d always been on your own terms, with Satoru waiting on the sidelines to bail you out if you ever got tired of choking on your boyfriend’s stupidly big dick. Now, though, Satoru didn’t seem to want to do anything but breathe down your neck, and you doubted your consent was a factor either of them would stop to genuinely consider.
Ultimately, your enthusiastic cooperation proved unnecessary. Suguru kept his fingers tangled in your hair, his blunt nails biting into your scalp as he manually bobbed your head – slowly, at first, then faster, with enough force to leave your jaw sore after less than a minute of being split around his shaft. Saliva and pre-cum drooled from the corner of your mouth, dripping down your chest and onto your nightgown, but if Suguru cared, the feeling of your throat convulsing around him was enough to warrant a momentary lapse in decency. “T-that’s it,” he muttered, mostly under his breath. “Good, good girl. See what happens when you’re well-behaved?”
You felt Satoru shift behind you, his hands skirting over your back as he skillfully undid the buttons Suguru had spent so much time fussing over. A pair of large, velvet-soft hands grazed over your waist, then your sides, before reaching your chest and cupping your tits – kneading the soft tissue like a pair twin stress balls fitted perfectly to his palms. “She looks better already,” Satoru laughed, thumbs swiping over your nipples. “You’re gonna thank mommy for being so nice with you, right?”
Suguru snorted. “I’m mommy?”
“Mhm. ‘cause you’re so pretty and you take such good care of our little princess.” He nudged you, propping his chin on your shoulder. “Go on, baby. Tell mommy how much you love him.”
You choked something out – more of a desperate whine than anything coherent – and Suguru threw his head back, cursing silently as his pace turned from sloppy to erratic. His cock battered into your throat with every thrust, your air supply constantly somewhere between minimal and nonexistent. It was only as the outskirts of your vision started to fade that Suguru hissed, gritting his teeth as he dragged your head into his hips, your nose pressing into his pubic bone and his cock so far down your throat, you could practically feel him in your lungs. A sudden twitch, a groaned exhale was all the warning you received before you felt something hot and thick fill your throat, your mouth, your diaphragm. He held you there for a moment, then another – savoring the sound of your fractured whimpering all-but drowned by his cum – before letting you go, watching through half-lidded eyes as you collapsed into Satoru’s waiting arms.
You lurched forward, moving to spit, to get him out of you, but Satoru’s hand was already covering your mouth – determined to keep Suguru’s taste on your tongue for that much longer. At the same time, you felt something small and soft being dropped onto your thighs, heard the shutter of a camera above you. Rather than trying to look at Suguru, you let your gaze fall to your lap.
Or, rather, the perfectly white, perfectly posed rabbit now resting peacefully on top of it.
~
It was two months before the chain came off – meaning, before Suguru and Satoru were happy enough with either your behavior or their security to let you roam freely (with heavy supervision, of course). It went without saying that you were ecstatic. You could barely sit still while Satoru undid the shackle, barely listen while Suguru told you their plans for the night – dinner and a movie marathon, not totally dissimilar to something you might’ve suggested when you still had the authority to be making suggestions. It didn’t matter. You were just happy to be doing anything, especially if it meant you got to leave that godawful room.
You only realized that you’d still been picturing your old apartment when you stepped out of the bedroom an abruptly realized you weren’t in an apartment at all, but a house – two stories with every window looking out onto a fence so tall, you would’ve had to be on the roof to see over it. It was decorated sparely, with what few shelves there were littered sporadically with Satoru’s gundams or parts of Suguru’s ongoing trinket collection, but minimalism was an appreciated change compared to the ongoing sensory nightmare that was your bedroom. You gawked at every empty surface, every plain white wall as Suguru herded you to the kitchen, where Satoru was busy plating what looked like udon. The seating arrangement was strange – there were only two chairs at the dining room table, but you were too caught up in your own euphoria to care. You grabbed a bowl and a pair of chopsticks, fell into a seat, and—
“Sweetheart,” Suguru started, his voice somewhat strained. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Uh,” You glanced at your bowl, abruptly confused. “Eating? I think?”
“Almost, but not quite. I guess I can’t blame you for not knowing.” He rounded the table, coming to stand at your side. You tried to get up, but it only took a hand on your shoulder to stop you. “Even something as simple as using utensils can be dangerous for little ones like you. Me and Satoru will be feeding you by hand, from now on.”
It was strange, really – how many little deaths you could die before going numb to it. It was terrible, how many times you could hear one of the two men you loved most in the world say you were more incapable than a literal child before it all just turned to static.
You wondered, distantly, if Suguru was offended that you didn’t engage with this part of him more willingly. It was clearly sincere, if fucked-up, and if he’d ever bothered to ask, you probably would’ve agreed to try it – not that you would’ve had much of a choice, in the later stages of your relationship. It was different for Satoru – as long as you were trapped and at his mercy, he’d be happy. Suguru wanted something… different, more complex. Suguru wanted reliance.
Suguru wanted to break you down.
“If you say so.” You heard your voice, felt your mouth moving, but you weren’t talking. “Can I… um, would it be alright if I asked for something, first?”
Suguru’s satisfaction was almost palpable. “Of course. Anything for you.”
“I think I’d like to take my medicine, now.”
Suguru answered quickly, but not quickly enough. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched Satoru reach for the cabinet above the stove before thinking better of it and glancing over his shoulder, as if to make sure you hadn’t seen. It took everything you had not to react as Suguru responded.
“Of course,” he said with an airy laugh, nearly purring. “Not right now, though – we’ll wait until it’s closer to your bedtime. Try to focus on dinner.”
You only nodded eagerly, smiling sincerely for the first time in weeks.
~
It took two weeks for you to get your hands on their pills (you stole two, just in case), and three more to convince Satoru that a field trip – his description, not yours – wouldn’t be that big of a deal, not if you kept it short, not if Suguru didn’t find out. He’d always been ecstatic when you visited him at his university (a historic private school, so unlike the local community college you’d gone to, the one you missed with all your heart), and besides, what was worst that could happen? He wasn’t going to let you out of his sight, and the students were still on winter break. You could even wear your old clothes, just to make sure you didn’t attract attention. It’d just be the two of you, all alone in his office, with hours and hours and hours to kill. Really, how could it possibly go wrong?
You waited until you reached his office to slip both stolen pills into his coffee. He’d barely gotten his belt off before the effects kicked-in, but still, you waited until he’d been reduced to a drooling, half-conscious shell of himself before making your escape.
You’d been right – his campus really was deserted. You hurried past dark lecture halls and empty offices as you rushed in a direction you hoped would lead to an exit, glanced out of windows that looked onto lifeless courtyards as you thought about what to do next. The police weren’t an option. They hadn’t hurt you, not in any way you’d be able to prove, and even if you had the evidence, Satoru was rich, and to the law, there was no greater proof of innocence. You tried to think of phone numbers, of addresses, but you hadn’t had many friends before meeting Satoru and Suguru, and they’d made sure to whittle that unimpressive number down to zero over the course of your relationship. You cursed under your breath, even though there was no one around to hear you. You should’ve taken Satoru’s wallet after he passed out. You wouldn’t have been able to use to his cards, but it would’ve been nice to—
You rounded the next corner, then froze.
At the end of the hall, like an omen of death granted human form, stood Suguru.
You took a faltering step backward before breaking into a full, heart-pounding sprint. Suguru wasn’t close, but he was close enough. He let you get all of three steps away before fist curled around the back of your shirt, his muscular arm wrapping around your midriff, trapping you with as much effort as it might’ve taken to lift a kitten by its scruff. Still, you thrashed, struggled, fought – throwing your elbow into his stomach and kicking at his legs as he lifted you off the ground entirely, pinning your body against his chest. He wasn’t supposed to be here. You were told he’d be at his shrine today, all day, with a thousand little things to do that’d keep him distracted until you got away. This wasn’t fair. He wasn’t supposed to be—
“Calm down,” he muttered, his voice distant, cold. “You’ll only make this worse for yourself.”
Immediately, you went still. It was a vague threat, but it was a threat, and Suguru had never threatened you before.
Or, you didn’t think he had, at least. It was getting so hard to tell, after everything they’d done to you.
He didn’t sigh, or shake his head, or speak again. He only lowered you back to the ground and, after taking your hand in his, led you back down the vacant halls, past the abandoned classrooms, and to the door of Satoru’s office. He paused outside of it, his dark eyes falling to you in a way you could only describe as void-like. You had to wonder why you every thought you knew him.
“You were trying to…?”
He didn’t say it, but he didn’t have to. Reluctantly, you nodded, and Suguru turned away from you, shouldering open the office door.
Satoru was on his feet, but only barely. He was supporting himself on the corner of his desk, his pale face flushed red and his clothes noticeably disheveled. At some point, he’d lost his sunglasses, and you watched his sky-blue eyes go wide as Suguru crossed the threshold with you following shortly after. “Suguru, princess.” His voice was weak, breathy. You could only imagine how you’d sounded strung out on their sedatives. “How far did she get? She caught me off-guard, but—”
Suguru let go of your hand and closed the distance between him and Satoru. You heard the sharp crack before you could process what he was doing – saw Suguru raise his hand and Satoru’s head snap to the side without ever linking either action with the other. Even Satoru, always so resilient, took a moment to recover, his expression going blank as Suguru spoke, unphased. “If you ever leave me, I’ll break your legs so badly, you’ll never be able to walk again.” You didn’t have to wonder if he meant it. It didn’t matter if he meant it. The words alone left shaking too violently to move, let alone run. “And if you do anything to help her, I’ll gut you alive.”
Your eyes darted to Satoru, to his visibly swollen cheek. Somehow, he seemed even more flushed than he had seconds before, his eyes half-lidded and his lips slightly parted. If you hadn’t known better, you might’ve thought he looked—
Oh, god.
You should’ve gotten away when you had the chance.
Of course, things only got worse when he opened his mouth. “Yes, mommy.”
“Get on the couch and lay down. It’s not like you’re good for anything else, right now.”
“I will, mommy.”
He obeyed mechanically, collapsing onto the well-worn sofa that sat against the far wall. You’d always thought it was too big, too bulky, especially in such a confined state. When you asked Satoru why he bothered to keep it, he’d just laughed and claimed he liked to keep his guests comfortable.
You doubted you counted as a guest. Then again, you doubted you were going to be very comfortable, either.
Suguru glanced over his shoulder, his lifeless stare boring into you. “Straddle his waist and help him undress. You did this, so you’ll be taking responsibility.”
Fear was a surprisingly strong motivation. You were scrambling onto the sofa before you had a chance to think, planting a knee on either side of Satoru’s hips as you fumbled clumsily with his shirt. For his part, Satoru was either incapable of or unwilling to help you – a distant, careless smile soon painting itself across his lips as he watched you struggle. When he did move, it was only to bring a hand to the back of your neck and drag you downward, his mouth crashing into yours. It was less of a kiss and more of a sloppy attempt to choke you to death with his tongue, but Satoru still groaned as you separated, his face immediately finding the crook of your neck. “So glad Suguru got you back,” he slurred, nuzzling into you. “He’s so hot when he gets all jealous like that.”
You were only half-listening to him, already distracted. Suguru had moved, too – kneeling behind you, his hands finding your hips and dragging them into the air. Your skirt was pushed up to your waist, your panties to the side, and just as abruptly, three of Suguru’s broad fingers were pushed into your cunt. You whimpered at the sudden, borderline painful intrusion, but Suguru only scoffed. “Be grateful you’re getting this much prep. It’s already more than you deserve.”
That didn’t do anything to stop the pain, though. Suguru was merciless – sheathing his digits to the knuckle, spreading his fingers apart, making it clear that he wasn’t doing this for your pleasure, even if he didn’t seem to be getting much out of it, either. You tried to shut your eyes, to grit your teeth and bare it, but any attempts to ignore reality were swiftly cut short by the feeling of his unoccupied hand coming down on your ass with enough force to bruise. “Did I say could stop?”
He hadn’t, but Satoru was making things difficult – keeping you slotted against him as closely as you could. As Suguru’s fingers fucked into you, you managed to get an arm between your body and his, for the waistband of his jeans down just far enough to earn a satisfied grunt from Suguru. Strangely, the worst part wasn’t the strain in your cunt, or the heat of Satoru’s cock pressing into your stomach, but the feeling of Satoru’s wide, toothy grin pressing into the side of your neck – tangible proof of his euphoria. It was awful – just how clearly he was enjoying this. At least Suguru had the decency to go blank.
It was too much too suddenly with too little build up, but Suguru knew your body and, more damningly, your body knew him. Barely a minute had passed before you felt arousal stain the inside of your thighs, before the sound of his digits plunging into you took on a distinctive wet quality. You let your head lull into Satoru’s chest and dig your teeth into your tongue, willing away any embarrassing noises that would’ve added to your ongoing degradation, but if Suguru cared, you couldn’t tell. He soldiered on with that brutal, unyielding pace, ignoring your clit entirely in favor of beating his frustration directly into your pussy. Really, it was a miracle you felt anything at all. Well, anything beyond pain, anyway.
It was only when you tensed against Satoru, when you finally let a single, fractured moan slip past your haphazardly sealed lips, that Suguru abruptly stopped; pulling out of you before you could fully process what was happening. You glanced over your shoulder, misplaced disappointment softening the harsher edges of your fear, but Satoru was quick to catch your chin – redirecting your attention back to him. “Where do you think you’re going, princess?” he asked, rocking his hips into yours. “You’ve gotta stay on my good side too, remembered?”
As if you could forget.
Behind you, Suguru glowered. “I’ll deal with you when we get home.” To Satoru, and then, to you, “Do it. Make sure he doesn’t cum.”
Your instructions were clear, albeit unappreciated. Satoru let you straighten your back, his hands kneading at your thighs as you picked yourself up and, as mindlessly as you could, aligned the head of his cock with your entrance. You wanted to move slowly, to give your abused cunt time to adjust, but Suguru proved uncharacteristically impatient; taking you by the shoulders and spearing you on Satoru’s cock before you could so much as consider protesting. You went stiff, your brain too busy trying to make sense of your sudden fullness to order your body to move, but Satoru didn’t seem to mind – only tightening his vice-like hold and bucking into you from below, his cock battering into the deepest, most vulnerable part of you without the slightest trace of concern.
You were too startled to make noise, but Satoru had always been so much louder than you, so much more eager to pour out his every little thought. “She’s so fucking tight,” he breathed, grinding into you. “Been ages since I had her on top of me, too. Almost forgot how—” A slight gasp, a pitchy whine, “Almost forgot how pretty she could get, sitting on her daddy’s lap.”
Your sight blurred, and a few seconds later, you realized you were crying. Suguru didn’t respond, but you heard fabric shifting, felt one of his hands disappear for a moment before returning, now on the center of your back. With more force than he really had to use, he shoved you back down, pressing you flat against Satoru as he maneuvered himself behind you. Space was limited, availability even more so, but still, it wasn’t until you felt the head of his cock press against your stuffed slit that you realized what he was doing.
“N—no,” It was almost impressive, just how quickly you abandoned what was left of your pride. You tried to pick yourself back up, but Satoru was a snare – an arm looking around your waist while the other found your hip, holding you still for Suguru. “Please, you can’t, it’s not—It won’t fit, and—”
And, just like that, Suguru was pushing into you, bottoming out in a single thrust. As his hips pressed into your ass and he let out a quiet, almost inaudible groan, you could only wonder if either of them had ever really loved you.
There was a lapse – more for their sakes than yours – before Satoru started moving, already acclimated. “Such a good girl,” he drawled, grinding into you, seemingly unhappy unless he and Suguru were both fully planted inside of you. “See? It’s not that bad, right? I knew you’d be able to handle it.”
But you couldn’t. Tears streamed down your cheeks uncontrollably, hitched sobbed and agonized moans trickling past your lips every time either of them moved. Suguru sucked in a shuddering breath, then planted a hand on the small of your back, thrusting into you sharp and deep – his movements a stark contrast to Satoru’s. The stretch along was unbearable. Even on your best days, you’d struggle to take either of them to the hilt. Taking both seemed fantastical, implausible, fatal. It was genuinely surprising that you weren’t already dead.
It was doubly as surprising, then, that it felt so good.
 Most of it had to be your own fried nerves trying to make the best of it, to get you through this as quickly and as painlessly as was possible. You weren’t in control of anything; not your hands as they clawed blindly at Satoru’s chest, not your hips as you bucked pitifully into Suguru, and certainly not your cunt as it clenched even tighter around the cocks splitting it open. Satoru let out an airy laugh, two fingers dropping to your neglected clit. “It’s okay, baby, you deserve to feel good too,” he gushed, pushing lazy circles into the small bundle of nerves, drawing out yet another miserable sob. “Told you she’d like it.”
“She’s not supposed to,” Suguru grunted, digging his nails into your waist. Still, that didn’t stop him from burying himself inside of you, his cock twitching against the walls of your cunt. You couldn’t be sure what it was – the fullness, maybe, or the overstimulation, or your own desperation to just get this over with – but your vision burnt white, your body convulsing against Satoru’s as you came undone around them. Satoru followed shortly after, digging his teeth into the curve of your neck as he pumped something searing and vileinto you. Suguru let out a rough, throaty growl – throwing his head forward and hilting himself entirely inside of you. You shook your head, pleading silently, but he didn’t seem to care, didn’t seem to notice, and even if he had, you doubted it would’ve been enough to stop him from cumming inside of you, from ensuring that no part of you was left uncorrupted.
There was a short period of numb, thoughtless stillness – filled only by Suguru’s panting, Satoru’s mindless cooing, and the absence of your voice. Suguru shifted, and for a second, you panicked, convincing yourself that there was more, that he wasn’t done – but he only pulled out of you, fixing his clothes with his eyes focused pointedly on the point where your cunt was still stretched around Satoru’s cock, where it leaked and drooled onto Satoru’s lap. You weren’t so resilient, letting your eyes fall shut and slumping against Satoru.
For the very first time, as you lost consciousness, you felt the smallest, tiniest, most microscopic spec of relief that, at the very least, you wouldn’t be responsible for cleaning yourself up.
~
“Stay in the car. I’ll call when it’s time for you to bring her in.”
The ride had been near-silent, only occasionally interrupted by an odd comment from Satoru or a hissed warning from Suguru. Suguru drove while Satoru held onto you in the back seat, keeping you gathered in his arms, his jacket draped loosely over your shoulders. Satoru only nodded as Suguru let himself out, making no move to follow. Whatever this was, they must’ve already talked about it while you were blacked out.
You waited until Suguru had disappeared into the house before speaking, your voice hoarse and unsteady. “He hit you.”
“Mhm. You did a number on my chest, too.”
“But—” You cut yourself off and started over. “He hit you.”
He flashed you a smile, as careless as it was dismissive. “What do you want me to say, baby?”
“That this insane. That he’s insane.” You crossed your arms over your chest, curling into yourself. “You can leave, Satoru – we can leave together. All we’d have to do is—” The air hitched in your throat, but you managed to snarl something out. “—fucking go.”
“And why would we want to do that, exactly?”
“Why wouldn’t we?”
Satoru laughed, the sound breathy and light. “Because,” he said, nuzzling into your hair, “Suguru loves me. He loves us. You should know that – after today, especially.”
You opened your mouth, but shut it just as quickly.
This time, you had a feeling that he’d given you the only answer he was going to.
The next few minutes passed slowly. Satoru kept himself occupied, pushing slow, lingering kisses into your cheek and neck, while you stared mindlessly out of the window, trying to savor the last minutes of sunlight that you’d have for a long, long time. Eventually, Satoru’s phone buzzed. He didn’t even bother to check it before gathering you up in his arms and carrying you inside. You expected him to take you back to your bedroom, with its stuffed-animal lined shelves and bright pink walls and polished silver chain, but instead, he turned down a hallway you’d never seen before, into a bedroom that was distinctly not yours. Suguru was waiting for him, standing in the doorway to a dark closet. The edges of his lips quirked upward when he saw you. It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was the closest thing you’d gotten to one from him all day.
Satoru placed you next to him, and your attention turned back to the closet. Any clothes or shoes had been cleared out to make room for a single, silver dog crate, nearly big enough to stretch from one wall to the other. The bottom was padded with a light pink blanket that you recognized from your bed, and a white rabbit plush had been left in the far right corner. A deadbolt hung, undone, from the open kennel door.
You might’ve broken down entirely, if you hadn’t been so devastated.
Suguru’s voice was deafening and serene, as beautifully composed as it was unspeakably terrible. “Get in, love.”
“I’m not—”
“You should probably listen to him,” Satoru cut in, placing a hand on your shoulder. “This is just about the nicest thing he suggested.”
You swallowed, your heart failing to beat. Out of some ancient, primal, preservatory instinct, your body moved towards the crate, falling to its knees and bowing its head to fit inside. The kennel was big for a dog, not for a person. You had just enough room to huddle against the farthest wall as Suguru slid the door into place, the deadbolt locking with a sadistic click.
“It really is a shame,” he muttered, shaking his head. “I was hoping you could be our darling princess for a little longer, but I’m sure you’ll make a much better bitch.”
Satoru helped him back to his feet, and together, they retreated back to the closet door, Satoru casting one more lovesick smile over his shoulder as he shut the door behind them, leaving you in total, endless, solitary darkness.
Your wretched sobs echoed off the barren walls as you finally started to cry.
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mrsimpurity ¡ 11 months ago
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CLAWS AND MARKS
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pairing: logan howlett x fem!reader
summary: getting logan’s name tattooed on you earns you a very unexpected reaction
wc: 2k
cw: smut (nsfw), oral (fem receiving), p in v, cum play, questionable relationship dynamics, reader has a tattoo, logan’s claws come out
a/n: writing this was… an experience! pls don’t do this i’m pretty sure you’ll get an infection of some kind 
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It's quite late. Heading to sleep is the only thing on your mind on this early September night. Your bed is warm, and so is your boyfriend’s embrace, so you rarely sleep in anything else besides your underwear. 
You pull down your flimsy shorts and step out of them in a hurry to get under the warm sheets. You’re left in simple black panties and, well, something else.
“What’s this, kid?” Logan asks, eyebrow raised in question. Shit. You turn your head to see him staring at your ass. You can’t quite decipher the look on his face. Is it anger?
“Oh, just something silly me and the girls did last night.” you snicker, looking back at your own butt. A fresh tattoo, which is still a bit red, takes up a small space on your right asscheek. And it reads “Logan” in a serif font, little twirls decorating the capital letter. You can’t help but feel embarrassed at the aftermath of the two margaritas you had last evening during your weekly girls night. 
Logan approaches you with careful steps, still looking awfully intimidating (in your defense, he pretty much always does). Standing behind you now, he grabs the globes of your ass. You’re facing the wall, cheeks red. You can feel the smirk on his face as he kneads the fat, rubbing a thumb across the ink on your body. 
“You really did that for your old man?” your nerves slowly start dissipating, the tone in Logan's voice developing a sultry note. 
“Mhm.” you answer, still a bit unsure.
“Fuck.” is the only thing you hear being mumbled behind you before Logan picks you up by the hips and throws you on the bed. He’s like an animal, you think to yourself, with the way he grabs your legs and drags you to the edge of the bed while getting on his knees. Your panties are off you in a second, your bare cunt exposed to the chilly air. But the open window isn’t the only thing contributing to your goosebumps - the look in Logan's eyes is not one to be forgotten.
To say you feel like prey in a predator’s claws would be an understatement. The ink on your body ignited something long forgotten in him, something that connects him with his roots, a fucked up need to mark you. 
Logan’s mouth latches on your clit and you’re brought out of your trance as he sucks on the swollen nub. His hold on your thighs is unbelievably strong. He's holding you down as you squirm under him, submitting yourself to the pleasure his mouth brings you. His tongue licks up a long stripe between your glistening folds and sets on your puffy clit again, the kitten licks he places making it impossible to stay still. 
Your moans get louder and louder and your elbows can’t keep you up anymore. You fall back on the bed and close your eyes. The loss of one sense only sharpens the rest, Logan's hot breath on your pussy captivating your mind.
You’re dreaming, you’re sure. The sound of Logan lapping up your juices, tongue entering your hole, is possibly the most erotic thing that’s ever blessed your ears. 
You don’t hold back anymore, you just can’t. You let your whines slip past your lips oh so loudly as Logan's nose pushes up against your clit. He himself is entranced, by your sweet arousal, by the lewd sounds you’re making.
And fuck, does he get painfully hard by listening to you moan and thrash under his hold. Even thinking about the tattoo for a moment drives him insane. He has to have you.
You’re teetering on the edge of your release as Logan licks circles around your clit. Your breath comes out in short pants. You’re under his mercy, begging him with helpless cries to relieve you of this painful teasing.
“Logan, please.” those are your final words before Logan's tongue flattens out against your swollen nub. Your orgasm crashes over you as you cry out his name. But he doesn’t falter. He's licking and kissing, his face and beard covered in your juices. Helping you ride out your orgasm, he places slow pecks on your clit and massages your folds, rubbing them between his fingers.
You’re propped up on your elbows, staring at him like a deer in headlights. He can’t wipe that fucking smirk off his face. You feel scrutinized, like you’re under observation and he’s trying to decide how to further destroy you.
“You scared, doll?” Logan asks.
You gulp and curse yourself for acting like this. You have no idea what’s come over you, or him for that matter, but you just can’t shake off the fear creeping up on you.
“Of course not, Logan.” you whisper. He’s close to you now. Impossibly close. His lips are touching yours, you’re breathing into his mouth.
And then he’s kissing you, like a man gone wild. It feels like a fever dream, the way his thumb caresses your cheek in the most heartwarming way possible, the action in such contrast with the way his tongue enters your mouth, captivating you. He's hungry for you, he can’t get enough. You’re moaning into his mouth now, further egging him on. He grunts, strengthening his hold on your face as his tongue explores your mouth, leaving you breathless.
And before you know it, the familiar sound of metal passes dangerously close to your ears. 
His claws just came out.
In a heartbeat, you’re pushed down on the bed again, Logan's huge frame towering over you. The shadow of his shiny adamantium claws on the ceiling almost urges you to murmur a quick prayer under your breath.
“Lo, what are you going to do to me?” you ask.
You barely squeak it out, looking up at him through your eyelashes, but he almost cums in his pants right then and there.
“Oh, baby. Thought you weren’t scared, hm?” His tone is teasing, almost sarcastic. He's asking you this while slowly dragging the blunt part of his claw down your navel, getting dangerously close to your cunt. It’s like you’re trapped, you can’t move for the life of you unless you want to get hurt. The sense of impending doom creeps up your neck again and you’re truly left at his mercy this time, you think.
So then why are you getting even wetter?
“You’re killing me here, doll. Don’t you want this?” his question is dangerous, if nothing else.
“More than anything.” Your needs betray your mind, what you just said registering a minute later, the all too lustful part of your brain working overtime to please your body. 
Logan retracts his claws and flips you over on your tummy.
“Ass up.” it's a command.
And so you follow his orders, getting on all fours. You feel as if you’re expecting a punishment, but it’s a little more exciting than it should be.
You hear shuffling behind you and soon enough, Logan's briefs are discarded on the floor, his hard cock slapping against his stomach as he frees himself. You gulp again, this time in anticipation rather than fear.
Logan grabs a hold of your hip with one of his hands as he pushes the tip of his cock past your folds. He sinks himself inside your warm and inviting pussy. The chuckle he lets out at how wet you are is loud enough for you to hear and a red tint creeps up your cheeks again.
“You’re always so fucking tight.” Logan mumbles behind you as he begins thrusting inside your cunt. Your walls are squeezing him like a vice and he feels like a virgin that’s about to burst. You’re ravishing, a sight for sore eyes - on all fours for him, ever so obedient, his name imprinted on your skin. Your moans accompany the sound of his balls slapping against your ass as he picks up the pace. It’s like a crude, fucked up harmony that you want to listen to for the rest of your life.
“Harder, please, Logan.” you plead, having absolutely lost your mind. His cock is buried deep inside your cunt and the head of his cock thrusts up against the gummy spot inside you. You can feel him in your tummy. 
His girth twitches inside you at those words and Logan complies, he himself too lost in pleasure to tease, to even speak. He only pulls out completely and slams himself back inside you, too close to his own orgasm. You’re arching your back, fucking yourself on his cock with all the energy you can muster. His hips roll against you with vigor, a visceral need you’ve never felt exude from him before.
His fingers reach down to rub circles on your puffy clit and you whine as the pleasure becomes too much for you.
You clench around his length and he grabs your hips for support, the two of you chasing the unforgiving and much too intimate wave of ecstasy. His thrusts don’t falter, your pussy clenching greedily around him, only making him go faster. 
“You were made for me, baby. This pussy was made for me.” his words absolutely fucking finish you. Your gummy walls clamp down on his cock as you orgasm, feeling him twitch inside you before his release also comes. You moan out Logan's name like a prayer as his thrusts get sloppier. His seed is warm and you feel full. His hands are roaming all over your ass, grabbing the fat and kneading it. His cock twitches inside you again.
Right. The tattoo.
Logan carefully pulls out of you and you whine at the feeling of emptiness as his cum slowly drips out of your pulsating hole and onto the sheets. Too lost in the moment, Logan puts two fingers inside you. Unsuspecting, you moan at his touch, too sensitive.
“Fuck, Lo.” you pant out as you finally realize what’s happening. Logan smears the remnants of his release right on the tattoo of his name. He does so with such loving touches, it’s almost comical. You’re still catching your breath, trying your best to lean into his touch as he runs a thumb over his creation and leans down to press a loud smooch on your ass.
“Pervert.” you giggle behind him.
“But you love it.” he sneers.
TouchĂŠ.
Drained of all energy, you finally collapse on the bed, facing the ceiling. Logan hovers above you, massaging your limbs attentively. He places a kiss on both of your hands and another trail of kisses from the valley between your breasts down to your navel. Finally, he comes up to face you. You rub your nose against his lovingly and his lips finally encapture yours in a kiss almost too sweet to believe.
“Did I tire you out, baby?” he asks, scared of having hurt you while being too lost in the moment.
“No. You know I trust you.” Logan smiles against your mouth at your words and places a kiss on your nose while grabbing your hand to hold in his.
Logan sneakily lowers himself down your body to face your pussy. He places a small kiss on your cunt, that smirk of his making a dangerous appearance again.
“Then let me taste you again.” Logan says with the same intimidating tone that started all of this, the one that foretells an engulfing, alas frightening, erotic escapade.
And so you let him. By the end of the night, you’re stained of him, every inch of your body belonging to this man, the tattoo no longer feels as significant. 
Because the mark he’s left on you is much more visceral. And no orgasm can compare to the natural feeling of obedience which enthralls you when you lay eyes on him. A feeling perfectly sculpted to match his animalistic urges.
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justatipicallesbian666 ¡ 2 months ago
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It honestly frustrates me that so many people in the Falsettos fandom describe Whizzer as a “twink” or effeminate just because he cares about his appearance and likes fashion. In the musical itself, he is portrayed as a very attractive and masculine man who loves sports. At no point is he depicted as effeminate—on the contrary, his presence and demeanor are distinctly masculine.
Now, why is it important that Whizzer is masculine? We know Marvin has always been attracted to men, but he also developed a certain aversion to femininity due to the negative experiences he had with women in his life—something that begins to change as he grows as a person. That’s why, when he meets Whizzer, he’s immediately captivated—not only by his beauty but by how much his body and attitude scream “MAN.”
Whizzer’s masculinity triggers deep insecurity in Marvin about his own manhood. He knows that, in many ways, Whizzer is more of a “man” than he is, and that makes him feel inferior—especially because Whizzer is completely comfortable with his sexuality, while Marvin is still struggling. That difference enrages Marvin and is one of the key reasons behind his toxic, macho behavior toward Whizzer: he tries to force Whizzer into the role of “the woman” in the relationship because he can’t handle feeling like the lesser man.
This is exactly why Whizzer can’t be seen as a “twink.” His masculinity is essential to the emotional dynamics of the story, particularly Marvin’s inner conflict. Seriously—wake up, people.
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obsessiveandutterlydelusional ¡ 4 months ago
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Quiet as worship.
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Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader (no use of y/n)
Summary:
You and Wanda have spent the last year walking the tightrope between secrecy and devotion—navigating judgment, age gaps, and quiet mornings that feel more sacred than any spotlight. To the world, you're just two successful women in different stages of life. But behind closed doors, you're something far more intimate. When you return home during one of Wanda's livestreamed interviews, the quiet ache to be close becomes impossible to resist. And under the desk—where no one can see—you remind her exactly who she belongs to, even when the camera’s still rolling.
A story of stolen moments, soft worship, and the kind of love that doesn’t need an audience to feel real.
TW: NFSW, oral sex (w!receiving), fingering (w!receiving), age gap relationship (legal, duh), secretish relationship, praise & worship kink (implied), power dynamics, dom!wanda, sub!reader, established relationship, fem!reader, public sex?(concealed), A/U!Celebrities, MDI.
Word Count: around 1k (it's a short one)
A/N: honestly, i've never really written anything before, (unless you count making "fanfics" on youtube when i was like 13.) i've been obsessd with elizabeth olsen lately, and really just wanted to write something short for wanda. i don't expect this to really blow up or anything but thought i'd share and may write more fics if this gets any attention. feel free to comment your thoughts or critiques, i also barely know how to navigate anything on tumblr when it comes to posting so if you have any tips for that, greatly appreciated. enjoy! :)
You and Wanda had been navigating the blurred line between secrecy and intimacy for nearly a year. It wasn’t a tabloid-worthy secret—not exactly—not to those who mattered. Your families knew. So did your closest friends. But the rest of the world? The fans, the press, the ever-watchful industry eyes? They didn’t know. Not yet.
You both guarded it tightly, like something too rare and beautiful to survive under public scrutiny.
And truthfully, it wasn’t the kind of love story you could explain easily.
You were 21—young, ambitious, a rising force in music with a voice that turned heads. Acting had become your latest frontier, a new stage to conquer. Wanda was 30—powerful, poised, and captivating in ways that made people go silent mid-sentence. She’d lived through storms, carried shadows she rarely spoke of, and moved through the world with a calm intensity that demanded respect.
And that nine-year gap between you? It made people talk. Judge. Assume.
Her friends whispered their theories—maybe she was chasing youth, maybe it was a passing indulgence. Your family masked concern with logic, lacing their doubt with patronizing smiles. Too young. Too complicated. As if love bowed to reason.
But none of it mattered. Not anymore.
Because it worked.
The late nights. The quiet mornings. The language spoken in glances and silences. It bloomed into something undeniable. And after nearly a year of proving the world wrong, even the skeptics had started to soften. They saw it now—the connection, the depth, the truth.
A month ago, you moved in—into her secluded home nestled in the hills above L.A., wrapped in silence and red-hued sunsets that lasted just a little longer when she was beside you. It felt seamless. Like gravity.
Today had been ordinary, in the kind of way that only shared lives could make beautiful. You’d spent the morning in the studio, lost in harmonies and half-written lyrics. Wanda had stayed home, preparing for a livestreamed interview for a film she’d done more as a favor than anything else.
Before the call began, she left you a voice note—low, calm, clipped in that no-nonsense way she got when she was focused.
“I’ll be live when you get back. Mic and camera on. Be good for me, okay?”
There was a softness beneath the command, and you’d smiled at the sound of it.
You got home quietly, careful with your keys and the sound of the door, trying not to disturb her. But curiosity had a gravity all its own. You told yourself you just wanted to see her.
Drifting down the hall, you paused at the half-open door of her office. Warm light poured out, casting long golden shadows. And there she was.
Wanda sat like she owned the space—back straight, voice smooth, answering questions with calm poise and piercing intelligence. Her hair, back to its deep auburn, framed her face in soft waves, new bangs brushing her brows and easing the sharpness of her features. She wore a loose black pantsuit—elegant and commanding, clinging to her in ways that made your pulse stutter. She didn’t have to try. She just was.
And you stood there, breath caught in your throat.
She hadn’t noticed you. Her eyes were on the screen. But yours? They were only on her. The curve of her mouth, the angle of her jaw, the way her fingers moved lightly across the desk—it all drew you in. Unintended seduction. Unintended, and yet devastating.
Your body responded before your mind could argue. Quietly, you stepped inside. No grand plan—just a hunger to be close. You dropped to your knees, heart hammering, and crawled beneath the desk. Her mic was angled high, her camera facing away from the lower half. She wouldn’t be visible from this angle. Neither would you.
It wasn’t about teasing. It wasn’t about interruption. You just needed to be near her.
Face to face with her knees, you reached out, fingers ghosting over her ankles and slipping under the fabric of her pants to stroke the warm skin of her calves.
Wanda didn’t flinch. Didn’t skip a beat. But a subtle smile ghosted her lips—so faint it might’ve gone unnoticed.
‘I knew you’d find your way under my desk.’
Her thighs shifted, parting slightly, creating space for you. Space you moved into with reverent ease. You rested your head on her inner thigh, looking up through your lashes, just watching her speak—captivated. Worshipful.
Your hands trailed up, fingers pressing softly into the fabric of her slacks, drawing lazy circles on her skin beneath.
And Wanda responded in the quietest of ways.
A shift in her chair. A hand sliding down, curling beneath the desk to cradle your jaw. Another tangling into your hair, fingertips gripping gently. Guiding. Not forcing. Just showing you what she wanted.
Your cheeks burned under her touch, the intimacy of it pulling a shiver through you. You hadn’t expected this—thought maybe she’d hush you away with a glance. But Wanda rarely did what people expected.
Hands shaking just slightly, you moved to the waistband of her pants, undoing the button with deliberate slowness. Her hips lifted, offering permission, as she kept speaking to the screen with barely a hitch.
“So you could say the character’s inner struggle is something many of us can relate to…”
Her voice stayed calm, even as you slid the zipper down.
You pulled her pants and underwear just low enough, breath catching at the sight of her—already wet, already wanting. She was flushed, beautiful, and utterly composed.
Leaning in, you pressed soft kisses to her inner thighs, rewarded with the quietest sigh. A gentle tug at your hair—impatient.
You obeyed.
Your mouth found her center, tongue teasing a long stripe through her slit, savoring the taste of her. She shifted, hips rolling forward, breath catching as you sucked lightly on her clit.
“Mm… the theme of self-discovery was important to explore…”
A subtle breathiness laced her tone, barely there but so present to you.
The wet sounds of your mouth were louder now, shame and desire twisted together in your chest as you tried to stay quiet. Your fingers joined the rhythm, slipping into her slowly, curling up to find that one perfect spot.
She gripped the chair arm harder.
“It’s about… facing your fears. Finding courage to be who you truly are…”
You looked up at her—sweat at her brow, jaw clenched, chest rising with uneven breaths. She glanced down, and her green eyes met yours—dark, desperate, hungry.
She was close. So close.
“This film really shows the power of… of collaboration…”
Her thighs trembled around your head, clamping tighter. Her hands clenched, one still buried in your hair. She was trying so hard to hold it together.
“And—ah—it’s been an honor to work with such an incredibly talented ensemble…”
Her voice broke for a fraction of a second.
You knew that sound. That edge. She was there.
“Thank you for having me,” she said quickly, managing a final smile for the camera. “It’s been a pleasure.”
She ended the stream in one swift motion—shutting the laptop before anyone could respond.
In a blur, she pushed her chair back, pulling you from under the desk and onto her lap with startling strength.
Her lips grazed your ear. Her voice was low, dark, commanding.
“Naughty girl. You just couldn’t wait, could you?”
A shiver licked up your spine.
“You know this isn’t going unpunished.”
And you knew. God, you knew. But you didn’t care. As long as it was Wanda... You’d take anything she gave.
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crescenthistory ¡ 1 month ago
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while we're both here; part five
Synopsis: Being loved may be difficult, but loving one another isn't, and you find that maybe, just maybe, it's worth the work. After reconnecting, Remus goes to find you outside the infirmary for once.
Words: 2.1k
Tags: fem!reader, undisclosed chronic illness that causes you pain and fatigue (writer has EDS and POTS), remus pov, fluff, some hurt/comfort, physical affection, remus' lycanthropy and related theatrics, disabled!remus, remus is slowly healing, establishing the relationship, happy and hopeful ending
previous part | series masterlist
Note: this is the final official part:,) however, if you liked their story and want to see drabble-form snippets of various points in their relationship, shoot me a request!
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There is a disturbing amount of emotions swirling around in the cavity of Remus’ chest. 
Hope, shame, affection, insecurity, assuredness, mixing down the drain. To drown out the chaos, he tries to let your voice in his head guide him to focus on the ones that are worthwhile.
His cane is a heavy and comforting weight in his hand as he hobbled probably a little too fast on his way to his destination; he has not the patience for his hips and knees to keep up with him, for he is a man on a mission.
Tucked away beneath his pillow in the dorm he just left behind – his mates’ chuffed sniggers following him down the hall – is a magical map that he had hunted you down on, his finger tracing the ink that spelled out your name in a faraway corner of the library. With the end of year etching closer, it made sense that you would be holed up there with your final essays.
Before summer comes in to affect your dynamic, Remus had an overwhelming desire to spend time with you outside the infirmary. He doubted a change of scenery would affect his feelings for you, it was more so the growing incessant need to be close to you. This is the most real thing he had ever had the terrifying pleasure of having, and even so, he felt a need to further cement whatever you had to ensure it stays that way.
The cold stones surrounding him as he walked the final stretch to the library were familiar, the confines of a home he has had for years on end. He was still overwhelmed by the thought that he would get to leave with a found family of best mates, something he never expected. To think that he might have found love, too, was more than he could handle.
Might. Remus chuckled at himself. Not many nights have passed since you were cleared by Madam Pomfrey to go back to your real dorm, but even during that short period of time, Remus knew better than to question it.
He was in love. 
Perhaps that was stupid of him, perhaps his father would even tell him as much if he dared have you over, if he dared make plans for the future that included you. Nevertheless, it was Remus’ reality.
The most tangible evidence of his love was now just a few metres away – he memorised exactly which spot you sat in – as he entered the Hogwarts Library, gait somewhat crooked. His cane was a deep maroon, given to him as a gift from James and his parents a few Christmases ago. You had recently helped Remus decorate it by wrapping a string of tiny crocheted silver stars around it, spelling it to stay put and sparkle. 
He felt oddly confident walking through the library with this cane as an amalgamation of the people he loved most; a far cry from the embarrassed 12 year old who once roamed the halls with a plastic crutch.
You had chosen a secluded corner of the library, hidden away by yourself in an alcove carved into the stone wall, lined with flickering candles on the walls and padded with purple cushions. A shy smile spread over Remus’ face as he saw you, taking in the way you sat crisscrossed on the bench, absentmindedly massaging your calves while you read the massive book laid down in front of you, dust dancing out from it in the sunlight. The same sunlight caressed your skin beautifully, drawing forth your inner shine that always captivated Remus so.
You hadn’t noticed him yet. Remus slowly closed in on you, too distracted by your familiar beauty to take a closer look at what book you’re reading.
As if you picked up on the distinct sound of Remus’ steps, you looked up. Surprise flashed in your eyes for but a second before they were filled with a warmth that made his fingertips tingle, a barely subdued grin taking over your expression.
“Hi there, stranger,” you said quietly as he got closer, leaning forward on the table. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“You mean outside the infirmary?” Remus stopped in front of your table, leaning his good hip against it and crossing his arms. The polite almost-flirting tone he extended you when you first met felt much more genuine now, abated by slight nerves. He added softly, “Hey, dove.”
Remus let himself believe you relaxed at the sound of his voice, pushing down the sensation of how dangerously far gone he was becoming.
“I thought you boys were banned from the library,” you teased, smile prevalent. You lifted a challenging brow at him.
“Ah, no, that's just James and Sirius. Wormtail and I are still in Madam Pince’s good books, and are trying to use our repertoire with her to get them unbanned.” Remus’ eyes filled with even more mirth at the snort you let out at his friend’s nickname.
“Well, I’m glad to see you. What’re you here for?”
At that, Remus reached up to scratch the back of his head, chuckling nervously. Normally he might have tried to play it off, but after your conversation about openness and honesty, he couldn’t even bring himself to want to do that.  “I came looking for you, actually. Figured you might fancy some company?”
Might fancy spending time with me, specifically, he hoped silently.
Your eyes crinkled as you let out a soft laugh. “I– yeah, of course. Settle down.”
Remus did, resting his cane against the table carefully before he slid in on the opposite side of the alcove, all the way around so he almost sat arm in arm with you. Close enough that your knee brushed his thigh in its curled up position. 
Only then did the illustration on the book in front of you catch his eye – a sketch of the different moon phases.
His breath caught in his throat as he froze, properly focussing on the book now. It was massive and clearly ancient, the ink meandering across the space, one repeated word seemingly screaming out at him: “The Wolf”, always capitalised.
He didn’t know how to process what he saw, so he just looked up at you, lips quivering as if uncertain whether to smile and frown. His silent question floated between you.
You acted nonplussed, but it was clearly a put-on front, shyness and fondness simmering beneath the surface. “This one’s quite outdated,” you began to explain, “but I figured it’s helpful to read how academics used to discuss the matter to better understand how lycanthropy was received over the years. I finished reading Scamander’s take on it earlier, which was much more empathetic and refined.” Beside you was a small notebook that Remus could now see was nearly full, your quill resting on top of it, still wet .
Remus’ lips remained slightly parted, his voice hoarse as he spoke. “You… you’re doing research? For… me?”
You shrugged, as if this didn’t turn his world upside down, as if it didn’t mean everything to him and more. “I mean, you did it for me. With everything. And I know it’s much harder to find muggle medical textbooks in a place like this than it is to find information about lycanthropes.”
The laugh that escaped him was wet and breathy, his mind still not having quite caught up. “It wasn’t that difficult, Madam Pince is rather helpful. And this… this is something else entirely, dove.”
“I just don’t want a lack of knowledge to be a barrier between us,” you said quietly, seemingly trying to downplay the care in your gesture. “I want you to be able to speak freely with me about lycanthropy, without me having to ask about everything.” Remus opened his mouth to answer, but you hurriedly added, “Though, of course, if you want to explain something yourself, please do. Lived experience always trumps dusty books.”
He stared at you with nothing short of awe, uncertain what to say and whether you would ever understand how much this meant to him. There were no words, so all he could offer was, “You, uh, can just call us werewolves. Lycanthropy is a mouthful.”
Your smile suggested his expression was easy to read. “Alright, I will,” you whispered, voice soft.
“Thank you, love. Really.” He let out a longer breath, relaxing into his seat and looking sideways at you with a quivering smile. “You’re really doing this for me?”
“Of course. I want to be there for you.” You held his gaze up until that point before swallowing, looking down to your book. “Friends, right?”
Remus knew, in his heart of hearts, that it was now or never.
“Right. And… and if I wanted to be more than friends? If I wanted to spend time with you, not just while we’re both here, but when we’re anywhere, together?”
Your previously shy smile became borderline unabashed now, lighting up both his life and your eyes as you met his again. “Then, I guess I would ask you why you haven’t invited me to Hogsmeade yet?”
Remus’ heart thundered in his chest as he placed his hands on the table, slowly circling his pinky around yours. This felt like a dream. “Well, I’ve seen how you always flare up afterwards. I didn’t want that to happen because of me.”
Which was true. It was also because he was a coward, but he figured you didn’t need to hear that; he was certain you already knew. He was a lucky bastard, though, because you didn’t seem to mind.
You laughed good-naturedly, shaking your head. “I have a flare-up every two to three business days, Lupin. If I have one because I get to spend time with you, it would have been a worthy sacrifice, at least in my books.”
“Yeah?” Remus breathed out, feeling like he was floating on air. Like the unbelievable had happened – because it had. He was walking with someone, and that someone was you.
“Yeah.” You nodded emphatically, emotion swirling in your gorgeous eyes.
Remus used his pinky around yours to properly intertwine your hands. Passerbys would see you holding hands and sitting close in a library alcove, and probably assume you were together. The thought exhilarated him even more when he realised they wouldn’t be far off. 
“This Friday good for you?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think so. Hope so.” You looked somewhat nervous, but he could tell it was because of you and not because of him or the prospect of going out. He squeezed your hand.
“If it winds up being a bad day, we can always just spend the night in the infirmary, dove. I would like to be anywhere with you, familiar or new,” he murmured reassuringly.
Your eyes softened as you held his gaze, whatever slight tension that had been building in your shoulders melting away. Remus dared think you looked like you felt safe. “Thank you,” you mumbled. “The sentiment is shared.”
You leaned sideways to rest your head on his shoulder, shuffling closer so that you could lean your crisscrossed knee on top of his thigh. Each place where your bodies touched served as a grounding point for Remus, anchoring himself to you and the world. He was beginning to understand what peace feels like.
Abruptly, your head shot up and you furrowed your brows at him, as if struck with a thought. “Wait– how did you know I would be here?” you wondered, voice not accusatory but certainly intrigued.
Remus let out a breathy laugh, not having expected to have to explain himself. Though, for once, he found himself not opposed to doing so. “Oh, that, uh– that is one of the many secrets of mine that I’ll be peeling open for you, love. Though, preferably somewhere less crowded.”
You made a show of looking around at the sparse students sitting scattered at tables around you, as if you were undercover detectives on high alert. “You and your secrets, Remus Lupin.”
“They’re all yours, if you want them.” His voice was more suave than he was feeling.
Your smile widened just for him. “I want them.”
Remus’ heart chose to interpret that as I want you. “I’ll spill it all in private, dovey, just you wait.”
You leaned further against him, smile taking on a more deviant undertone. “Are you saying you want to whisk me away to somewhere more intimate, then?”
The tops of Remus’ ears felt warm in a way that warned him they were surely turning red. He swallowed heavily, but it didn’t diminish his wide smile.
“I would love nothing more, dove.”
And that, he did.
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the-cosmic-cauldron ¡ 6 months ago
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❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 Pick A Pile: Your Future Lover Is Craving You: Their Love Letter For You❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥
💌Welcome to 7 Days, 7 Posts! In honor of Valentine’s Day on February 14th, I’m releasing seven blog posts dedicated to love, intimacy, passion, and everything that ignites the flames. Join me on this journey as I share my insights through tarot.
If you enjoy my content, be sure to follow me, explore my other posts, and check out my paid services! 💌
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Pile 1
Dear Love,
I am your future lover, and I want to express some things to you. When I come into your life, you will be at a point where you are thriving—confident, charismatic, and looking incredible. I will see that, and I will want that. I will be drawn to you, captivated by your energy. Among everyone else, you will be the one who stands out, the one whose presence is magnetic. Your personality will sparkle, full of charm and individuality, and I will fall for you—hard.
In falling for you, I will feel a release from my past. You will bring a fresh, revitalizing energy that makes me forget what came before, not out of avoidance, but because I will be so immersed in the present moment with you. You will be my peace—not someone who brings conflict or resistance, but someone who walks alongside me on my journey. We will share aligned values, deep compatibility, and a natural ease in our connection. Communication between us will flow effortlessly, and doing things together—planning dates, traveling, working toward goals—will feel seamless.
With you, life will feel lighter. You will ground me while also pushing me forward. I will not just see you as my partner in love, but as my partner in life—someone with whom I can build, create, and overcome. We will support each other in ways that make our struggles feel surmountable. Whatever strengths I have, I will pour into you. Whatever strengths you have, you will pour into me. And together, we will work through our weaknesses, strengthening each other as we go.
I believe our love story will begin beautifully, with an intoxicating yet healing energy. It will be filled with joy, passion, and growth. And I do believe we will build a family together—have children, create a home, and establish a life that intertwines us even deeper. But I also feel that at some point, the challenges of family life may slow us down. The growth we experience in the beginning may stall as we adjust to the reality of having children. While our relationship will bring expansion in many ways, the responsibilities of family life—pregnancy, childbirth, financial strains—may present hurdles that test us.
At first, we will be in constant motion, moving forward, achieving, and evolving. But when children enter the picture, the dynamic may shift. The focus will turn inward—toward home, stability, and responsibilities—and while that is a beautiful thing, it may also challenge us. Financial adjustments, the strain of new responsibilities, and the weight of building a solid foundation may make things feel difficult for a while. We may find ourselves struggling to navigate the balance between love and responsibility, between passion and obligation.
Even through those struggles, I will still want to be there for you. I will still want to stand beside you. No matter the challenges we face—whether it’s financial strain, growing pains, or adjusting to a new life—I will be by your side. You will be my person, my love, through the thick and thin. And even when things get tough, I know that we will find our way, because our love will be built on something real, something strong, something worth holding onto.
Sincerely,
Your Future Lover
Pile 2
Dear Love,
This is your future lover, and I am writing to you to share what our future love will be.
When I meet you, it will be a time in my life when I deeply desire a partner—someone I can love, someone I can devote myself to, someone I can be patient with. I want something that builds over time, something solid and unshakable. I crave immense love, loyalty, and stability, and you will be the person I want to experience all of that with.
I will want you so badly. I will crave your presence, the warmth of your body, the scent of your skin. Wearing your clothes and feeling the lingering trace of your cologne or perfume will make me feel at home. I will cherish holding your hand, rubbing your thigh, massaging your hair, and gazing into your eyes. The simple things—sharing meals, cooking for each other, taking showers together, drinking tea or coffee while talking for hours—will fill my soul. Every moment with you will feel rich and meaningful.
We will talk every day, check in with each other, and build a connection that feels like forever. You will bring me so much satisfaction, so much pleasure. We will experience joy in the little things—going out to eat, exploring the town, having game nights, watching movies, singing karaoke, baking together, and just being silly. Our love will be deeply physical, deeply emotional. We will devour each other with our eyes and cherish moments of intimacy. We will affirm each other, pour into each other, and give one another the love we have always needed but never fully received.
Being with you will feel like an awakening—like my prayers have been answered, like my manifestations have come to life. You will be the one, my solid foundation, the person I am most loyal to. Our love will be something to bask in, something undeniable and powerful.
But love is not without its challenges. We are human. Life is not perfect.
In the beginning, we will be swept up in the beauty of our connection, focused on the love, the passion, and the excitement of our future. But there will be things left unsaid—truths we haven’t shared, details we overlooked. And eventually, those things will resurface. The unspoken will come to light, forcing us to see our relationship from a new perspective.
This revelation will put us in a difficult place—a rocky, tumultuous period where we will need space from each other. I don’t believe we will separate forever, but I do believe we will need time apart to process everything, to reflect, and to be honest with ourselves. Our loyalty to each other will make it hard to walk away completely, but the weight of what we learn may make it impossible to continue as we were.
Do I think this break will last long? No, but I do believe it will be necessary. We will need time to sit with the truth, to hold ourselves accountable, and to return to each other with honesty, not just devotion. When we find our way back, our love will not just be about loyalty for loyalty’s sake—it will be real, raw, and built on a foundation of truth.
I look forward to meeting you. I hope our story doesn’t scare you.
Sincerely,
Your Future Lover
Pile 3
Dear Love,
This is your future lover, writing you a love letter to tell you how things will unfold between us.
I am so excited to meet you because when I do, I will be in a period of my life where I deeply want you. I will crave you, and everything about you will satiate that longing. You will bring something into my life that is beautifully predictable—not the kind of predictability that is boring, but the kind that is comforting. You will be like warm tea after a cold day, like soft blankets fresh out of the dryer wrapping around me. When I lay beside you at night, caressing your skin as you fall asleep, you will be my comfort and peace. You will be the bed I collapse into after a long day.
You will be the person I devote myself to. When I look into your eyes, I will know—you are the one. I will see in you something I deeply crave, something solid and grounding. Your presence will feel like a high—not because I am high, but because being around you will fill me with a new energy, something I have never felt before. I will get wrapped up in who you are.
But our relationship will not be easy. It will be difficult—very difficult.
As much as I want to devote myself to you, as much as I want to be your one and only, I feel like our connection will be filled with pain. I don’t even know if we will make it to a full relationship because I sense that before we even reach that point, things will begin to unravel. It will feel like everything is working against us, preventing us from truly coming together as life partners. The idea of us reaching the heights of marriage or long-term commitment will feel just out of reach. And that is unbelievably sad.
Our story will be filled with pain, drama, and unexpected twists—moments that leave us questioning why something that feels so good can turn so bad. Why us?
I believe that when we meet, we will both be in a period of isolation—not very social, not out in the world, just existing in the monotony of daily life. It will be a time of routine—waking up, going to work, coming home, repeating the cycle. When we find each other, we will break that routine. We will awaken something in each other, pulling ourselves out of our shells. At first, it will feel exciting, like a spark reigniting within us.
But we won’t be ready for the kind of love we feel.
Instead of healing before we met, we will have spent our time avoiding. We may have reflected on the past, but we will not have truly healed from it. And because of this, our traumas will surface, our wounds will reopen, and the love we crave will collide with the pain we have yet to confront.
I don’t think we will ever make it to a full relationship. We will recognize that, despite our longing for each other, we are not truly ready. And though this awareness won’t be enough to shield us from the inevitable pain, it will be enough to stop us from forcing something that is not healthy.
I see a pattern repeating—a past that refuses to stay in the past. Old wounds, unresolved issues, and lingering scars will rise again. One of us will want more, will strive for something deeper, while the other will remain stuck—caught in the grip of trauma, unable to move forward. This imbalance will become the defining struggle of our connection. One of us will crave devotion, while the other will be weighed down by pain.
And then, the chaos will come. Sudden changes, unexpected upheavals—circumstances that will rip us apart before we ever truly come together.
In the end, I fear I will walk away from this feeling wounded, betrayed, and heartbroken—like I have been stabbed in the back, left to pick myself up from the floor while you walk away, already familiar with this kind of pain.
Maybe you are the wrong person for me. Maybe you are still stuck on your past—on an ex, on memories you haven’t let go of, on pain you haven’t confronted. Maybe I will fall for your physical presence, for the way you move, the way you look, the way you make me feel, without realizing the weight of everything you carry underneath.
Perhaps that’s where I go wrong—falling for the illusion, for the pleasure, for the way you ignite something within me, only to later uncover the wounds you hide beneath the surface.
Meeting you will feel like a chef’s kiss, like watching the sunrise—something breathtaking and beautiful. But the ending will be tragic. I will be left on the floor, knives in my back, while you walk away, untouched, as if this was always meant to happen.
I hope we do not follow this path. But if we do, know that I will always wish you the best, because I understand—there are some things in life that we simply cannot control.
Sincerely,
Your Future Lover
Pile 4
Dear Love,
This is your future lover, writing you your first love letter.
When I first meet you, I know you’ll play hard to get. You’ll have your walls up, your defenses high, unwilling to let me in. You’ll act strong, solid—like no one can break through your barriers. You’ll put on a bravado, a show of indifference. If I speak sweetly to you, you’ll pretend to be unfazed, unaffected. You’ll give me the cold shoulder, acting as if you’re too busy, too focused, too independent to entertain me. When I call, you might tell me you have something to do, just to avoid letting me in. Even though you know I want to speak to you, to serenade you with beautiful words, you’ll resist. Not because you don’t want me, but because you’re afraid to let me in.
I know you’ll find me attractive—mesmerizing, magnetic even—but something in you will tell you to keep your guard up. And you’ll listen to it. But the thing is, I like a little challenge. I like a person who plays hard to get, who has resilience, who doesn’t fold so easily. Because if you have the strength to keep your walls up, I know you’ll have the strength to love me fiercely when you finally let them down.
At first, it’ll frustrate me. I’ll want to take you out, to spend time with you, to be near you. You’ll look so good, carrying yourself with grace and charm, and I won’t be able to resist wanting you. But since you’ll keep playing hard to get, I’ll have to fall back. I won’t push too hard because I respect your space. You’ll win—for a while. I’ll step back and let you do your thing. But that won’t stop me from thinking about you. How could I? Someone as beautiful, as handsome, as captivating as you isn’t easily forgotten.
And then, one day, you’ll reach out. After all the games, after all the pretending, after all the walls you built, you’ll fold. You’ll hit me up out of nowhere, and I won’t even be expecting it. By then, I’ll have accepted that maybe you just weren’t ready, that maybe we weren’t meant to be. But when you finally text or call, I’ll be caught off guard, pleasantly surprised.
I’ll realize then that you never rejected me—you were just dealing with your own baggage. Maybe you were still caught up in a past relationship, still healing from old wounds. Maybe you’d been played before and thought I was just another person who would do the same. But I never wanted to play with your emotions. I only wanted to love you. Loyalty means everything to me, and when I say I’m loyal, I mean it.
Once you open up to me, everything will fall into place. The timing will be perfect. When I chased you, it wasn’t right. But when you come to me willingly, it will be. We’ll start talking, and it’ll feel effortless. We’ll have fun, laugh together, share our secrets, and grow closer. You’ll finally let me hold you, and I’ll never want to let go.
Our intimacy will be intense, our connection undeniable. We’ll be on the phone for hours, sending texts all day, spending every moment we can together. Being with you will feel like home. It’ll feel like we’ve known each other forever, like our souls recognize each other. You’ll be my soulmate, and I’ll be yours.
I won’t just want you—I’ll need you. You’ll be my forever person, the one I want to build a life with, the one I want to create a family with. Together, we’ll move forward, leaving behind the past and embracing a future filled with love, trust, and devotion.
Our relationship will be built on reciprocity—giving, receiving, showing up for each other in ways no one else ever has. And no matter what life throws at us, I will love you. I do love you. I always will, forever and always.
Sincerely,
Your Future Lover
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