#these tags are getting long. um. anyway. binghes 👍

[waitineedaname]

I really like that Bingmei tries to empathize with Bingge by the end of the first chapter Recognition of the Self. She dealt with a lot of self hatred for a long time and on some level takes it out on him by picking at him (which he deserves most of the time). He reminds her of the worst version of herself that she can be. Still, it’s nice she can also see the same places they’ve been hurt and reach out to him, even if he brushes her off for now.

yes!!! this is exactly it, I'm glad this is something you enjoyed <3 bingmei absolutely sees bingge as the worst version of herself, which is something she identifies in the text! I'm forever thinking about the bit in the extra when bingmei says "is the reason 'I' became like that because I didn't have you?" and "I don't want to become like that." so in this fic, bingmei has had a few years of stability and self-growth to become confident that she won't turn out like bingge, but she's still very aware that she could have turned out like him. he's all her worst parts amplified and picking on him is kind of a way of externalizing some of that self hatred. at the same time, though, she's getting to know him better and is realizing the reason why they're so different. she had opportunities for growth that she didn't have, and because she can see those differences so clearly, she's got some sympathy for him. she can easily see how painful it would have been if her suffering on qing jing peak had gone on longer, and she can see how much it would've fucked her up because that fucked up version of herself is standing right in front of her now. it's a little late, but the least she can do is offer that olive branch now