#they have to be able to function without their soulmate on a social and/or mental level

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @ericaalinn

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a locomotive shape. this means that you're a very ambitious person, with a lot of energy. the moon has a big influence on you, and your life revolves around understanding your feelings and emotional growth. the empty part of your life is what you have to develop, hence your mental health, financial life and also your communication and thinking style.

your dominant planets are the sun, the moon and pluto. you are a very charismatic person, you have a very alluring appearance and you're definitely very attractive, even if not conventionally you still have people drooling over you. you may come off as bold and intimidating, but you're actually a very sensitive person as well, who's actually a bit insecure, but you don't show it.

your dominant sign is aries. you may have a reputation for being impulsive and straight-forward. you don't like beating around the bush, especially when people purposely get on your nerves. on the other hand, you're very loyal and generous when it comes to your loved ones. you're very opinionated, and you always wanna make sure that your voice is heard. you're proud of yourself.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and independence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in leo, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by the sun and mars

you’re an extremely confident and bright person, or at least you have a very strong aura around you that makes you look like you are. you have exceptional charisma and presence, in fact this is usually a celebrity placement! you surely don’t go overlooked. you naturally always try your best to make people feel at ease, and you mostly succeed thanks to your warmth, which makes you even more attractive. you probably like being recognized, and you may want to be famous. in fact, you like being in the spotlight and loaded with compliments and appreciation, they incredibly boost your self-confidence. your charisma may sometimes be too noticeable, resulting a bit dramatic; you may gesticulate a lot, imitate voices… basically, you would do amazing at acting, for example. in fact, most celebrities have a leo rising, or leo placements of any sort. you’re very playful, you most likely look younger than you are for your personality. you may also be a savage, and you’re most likely good at jokes of any kind. you appear as a very bubbly and outgoing person, yet you may be quite secretive. you don’t open up easily, especially about family / private matters. especially with your water influence, you’re very picky when it comes to trusting people. in addition, you’re a perfectionist; you care a lot about everything that revolves around you, from physical appearance to your job, you want it all to be perfect. that can cause you a lot of stress, as you always want to seem at your best state, you despise being seen as weak or unprepared. physically, all leos have beautiful hair. you may have curly, perhaps red or dark hair, or at least it’s very thick. you may also get tanned easily, an olive skin tone or any kind of warm undertones to your skin. you may have full, plump lips, or at least they have a defined cupid’s bow. you may also have bushy eyebrows, a wide forehead and a pointy chin, as well as a prominent bone structure.

🌞 sun in aries, 2° / 1st decan ruled by mars

even though you enjoy the idea of love and relationships, your independency is what matters the most for you. you possess strong leadership, which makes you aspire for the best positions in work, school, marriage etc. you don't want to lower your standards. aries have the reputation of being fearless, and that's mainly caused by their impulsiveness. in fact, if they actually thought before acting, they wouldn't be aries lol. some people may even define you as selfless, as you literally put yourself in danger or in awkward situations just to say what you truly think, even if nobody asked. it's part of your nature, you don't want to go unnoticed. I don't see you being the one starting conflicts, though, especially with your taurus mars. you probably just lose your temper when someone challenges you (and it may happen often, to be honest). you hate routine; you always try to spice up your daily life a bit by meeting new people and trying new experiences in general. you enjoy having fun, partying, travelling... you thrive in social situations. you may have troubles making right decisions, as you're quite indecisive. but, once you do choose, no one is gonna stop you from achieving your goals and showing the world who you are. in fact, you gain confidence from your assertiveness, making you pretty proud of your persona as well.

aries sun square cancer jupiter: this is a hard aspect, which could make you feel even more proud of yourself due to your fire dominance. you may feel like the universe is constantly against you, especially with your pessimistic cancer moon. you may feel unlucky, or even overindulge in things you like to cope with sadness or anger. you may have the tendency to overeat, buy useless things etc. you go from having a low self-esteem, to even looking very bossy without even realizing it. you struggle to keep your identity balanced, even though you might have not been aware of it at first. to achieve fortune and joy in life, you need to work hard for it. to do so, you have to learn your karmic lessons in this lifetime, which probably revolve around family issue and their impact on your interactions with others.

🌙 moon in cancer, 21° / 3rd decan ruled by the moon and neptune

with your moon in cancer, your privacy and security are the centre of your life. you need to be and feel emotionally stable to fully take advantage of all of your skills; for example, if you argue with a loved one of yours, especially if it's someone from your family, you could get very unmotivated to do anything. you need to feel complete to function correctly, and when you can't, you rely on material goods; e.g you may overeat, buy a lot of useless things out of stress, drink... anything that apparently helps you to cope. on the other hand, you're very affectionate, even clingy at times, but your feelings are very pure. because of that, you may also be extremely sensitive, you could be afriad of others' judgment for example. you have a very acute maternal istinct, you're most likely the mom friend of your group, especially since your sun is in aries, another protective sign. it comes natural to you to take care of others and nurture them, you'd definitely make an amazing mother. the problem with this trait is that you may sometimes take the blame for something just to protect others, you could often say white lies to help your loved ones. you just want to do something beneficial for others, you're extremely generous, but don't forget that you should take care of yourself first. also, since you feel the need to help others, you may often bottle up your emotions without anyone that is willing to help you work out your problems. make sure to always have some private space in your day-to-day life, it is extremely essential for you to develop your own ideas and also to understand what to do for your personal growth.

cancer moon square aries venus: there are contrasting feelings in your relationships with others; after all, your cancer moon wants to commit to someone and be loyal to them. on the other hand, your aries venus wants to be free. you don't want to feel tied to someone, you still need your independency. those two desires of yours probably contrast each other, stressing you out. you want a calm, almost boring relationship, but with this placement you can't seem to have one. your feelings and self-esteem may depend a lot on your relationships, not only with your lovers, but also with your friends. if someone isn't loyal to you, you immediately start blaming yourself. in your life you may lack intimacy, and while it may make you feel better at first, based on the rest of your chart you actually need someone on your side. you can't do everything on your own. you need to find someone that projects your ideals of love. if you need a free-spirit, go look for one. it may take you a while, but if you learn all the lessons you need to learn from your breakups, you'll be able to live a peaceful life with your spouse.

🗣 mercury in pisces, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and pluto

you have the potential to be very focused on something thanks to your aries energy, but your heavy pisces influence may interfer in that. in fact, you probably lose yourself in your own thoughts very often, starting daydreaming instead of doing what you have to do. you’re very creative and artistic, and you’re also able to fully convey your emotions in your words, even though it may be perceived as confusing sometimes. that’s because not everyone is as empathetic as you are. on the other hand, you may have the tendency to lie, or just being confusing in any way. you may not always express what you want crystal clear, as you want to able to modify the story just in case you encounter some hardships. also, you never truly express your feelings, probably out of fear. probably, the way you elaborate your thoughts is also influenced by your family and the impact they had on you. you’re always vague, and you keep your private matters for yourself. pisces is a mutable sign, so you may also find yourself changing ideas often, your mind wanders from one thought to another. you are very intuitive, and you may even have some sort of psychic talent. you could do well at reading tarots, birth charts etc. your voice is probably naturally loud, it's hard not to listen to you. also, since your mercury is squaring pluto, you could be quite impulsive sometimes and say things you actually don't mean. you could argue often with others due to this trait of yours, you get defensive very easily. on the other hand, you most likely have a nice sense of humor at least.

pisces mercury square gemini saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your fire energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often with others, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking with others more at work, anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

pisces mercury square sagittarius pluto: you may become a bit manipulative. you probably don’t even realize it, though, as you have the ability to make people do what you want them to do. you probably love being right, especially during arguments, and you always manage to be so thanks to your skills. your words are like knives for others, they can truly cut deep through their ego. you’re direct and blunt, as you just say what you have in mind with no filters. you can develop a provocative attitude without even realizing it, which can obviously cause you conflicts. you need to be more careful about how you communicate your ideas, otherwise you could seriously damage other people’s self-esteem. on the other hand, if you acknowledge your flaws and work on them, this can actually turn into diplomacy. take advantage of your interest in your inner self to find out how to be a bit more gentle in choosing your words.

❤️ venus in aries, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

with venus in aries, loving you is an adventure. you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. this placement may even give you the reputation of being a player, but I don't think it's your case based on your others placements. you have to understand that relationships can get boring, but that's not necessarily a red flag. it just means you two are starting to feel comfortable together. you also enjoy physical contact, therefore cold partners are a no no for you. you need someone who's affectionate yet bold, and that would spoil you with attention and gifts. you enjoy the little things about love, such as remembering your anniversary or even giving you small presents, especially if they're homemade (like breakfast, poems etc.). you also try to avoid flaky people, as you don't like making relationships seem too light.

☄️ mars in taurus, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and mercury

with taurus mars, you may actually despise working too much. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste time to argue with someone. most taurus mars tend to be quite passive, yet I don't think it's your case. I imagine that with your heavy aries and leo energy, you've got a hot temper. you may try to avoid conflicts, but once someone gets on your nerves it's over for them. you're very unpredictable from this point of view, it's hard to decipher you. you may be more verbally aggressive than physically, though.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in leo. with this placement, you care a lot about your persona, both physically and also mentally too. yet, you may start feeling like you need to be perfect at all costs to be accepted, especially during your early years. for example, you may be the type to follow fashion trends to look cool, and you may subconsciously force yourself to like them. you need to understand that you should enhance your individuality, and ask yourself who you are. it’s not all about who you are outside, the inside matters even more. you’re free to stand out, but make sure that you do it in a comfortable way for you, or it will start becoming toxic as time goes by. you have big goals for your future, you may even want to be famous. they’re basically the centre of your life, it revolves around your goals and achievements. you’re naturally charismatic, you may have lots of friends or at least it’s easy for you to get known in your community.

your 2nd house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even have track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your heavy leo energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer, an host… especially with your heavy leo energy, you’re very creative, you’d definitely would well in such a field.

your 3rd house is in libra. it's most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities... you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. your mind and words are your energy tank, what satisfy you the most. you may talk a lot about different topics of any kind, from childhood to videogames, but you never get boring. you're always entertaining to listen to. you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a low voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness.

your 4th house is in scorpio. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. in addition, it's also probably that your parents were particularly overprotective, and hence they could have limited you from making experiences. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too.

your 5th house is in sagittarius. you most likely love hanging out, you love being in company of your loved ones and you’re probably quite extroverted too. you don’t mind being in social situations, partying and having fun in general, even though at first you could be reluctant. they’re actually crucial for your happiness, as social interactions are your source of relax. actually, you find joy and pleasure in them. you may also be fond of light relationships, you’re very experimental when it comes to intimacy, but thanks to your water influence you’re able to understand the true essence of love and settle down when you find the right one. you’re most likely also an extremely creative person, even though you may struggle to make it concrete due to your heavy earth dominance that makes you quite logical.

your 6th house is in aquarius, uranus and neptune are also sitting there. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in aquarius. you do like the idea of marriage and love, yet you need your space as well. you don’t want to feel committed in a relationship, it would be suffocating for you. that could make you appear as emotionally cold or detached, when you’re really not. you just care a lot about your personal growth, especially after your childhood. perhaps, you could even attract mentally unstable partners, they could be a bit moody for example. last but not least, you may meet your future spouse in an unexpected situation. the ruler of the 7th house is in the 6th house: you may meet your future spouse during your everyday life, hence perhaps at work, or just doing anything you do daily, even at the gym for example. you may also meet them in a hospital.

your 8th house is in pisces, with also your sun and mercury placed there. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. to reach your state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality. you're quite of a loner, you prefer spending time alone rather than with others. you're extremely intuitive, and you can read people like a book; they can't lie or keep secrets from you, you'll surely find out. you're pretty charismatic, and paired with your wise intellect it's hard not to agree with your ideas, especially considering that your moon is in cancer. you're basically a leader, a very demanding one. you have high standards regarding everything: clothes, food, goals, people... you're always striving for the best, you don't want to settle down. on the other hand, even though it may take you a while to find someone worthy of your affection, once that someone shows up you'll stay with them forever. you're deeply loyal, and also caring in your own way. that's because you value feelings, you can easily smell when someone isn't trustworthy. the ruler of the 8th house is in the 6th house: you include taboo, 8th house matters in your day-to-day life; astrology, horror, occult, sex, psychology… or perhaps, you could work in one of those fields. you may also handle someone else’s money, hence you could work in a bank.

your 9th house is in aries, with also mars and venus placed there. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do. in school you were very competitive, you probably studied to get high grades rather than actually learning, you are very motivated to be #1 in everything you do. you may also experience lots of intense events in your life, you may be the type to try extreme things and experiment a lot. people may consider you flaky, as you value freedom above all. you may be the type that likes making new experiences regarding love, and you often date your crushes. yet, you feel too limited in a relationship. you don't enjoy committing to someone if that someone isn't perfect for you, you're only completely loyal to the one you consider your true love. you can't give up your freedom, your thirst for adventure and experiences for someone else. basically, your ideal partner would be a risk-taker, someone loyal but not too clingy, that is down to go on a road trip in every moment. someone impulsive, that could help you stepping out of your comfort-zone. you're probably into those youthful love stereotypes, e.g. high school dates. you want your relationships to be filled with excitement, you despise boring, traditional and cheesy things. you may also find yourself being attracted to unavailable people; that is, you could fall for people that are already taken, or maybe they're physically unavailable, e.g they live abroad or in another city in general. you're also attracted to foreigners, and people that have a wise, yet bubbly aura around them.

your 10th house is in taurus, with also your gemini saturn placed there. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with your leo ascendant and aries sun you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be drawn to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even things like cooking or baking. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a therapist or a counsealor, as well as an actor or comedian. you will probably get to communicate something in your career, you may want to spread a certain message or you may have to interact with other people for your job. you could also be in charge, you may get a very high position in your agency or you could even have your own business, I don't see you having to depend on others ar all. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest!

your 11th house is in gemini. in your friends, you seek mental stimulation. you wouldn’t stand someone too chill, you need someone who’s always up for an adventure. your friends are most likely very witty and intelligent, even though you may not have a stable relationship with them. in fact, they may often change, as you could get bored easily, or in general you just meet a lot of people in your life that it’s natural for you to detach from someone else. same goes for your goals; you want to do different, several things in your life, all different from each other. actually, you have the potential to be great in different fields, but if you don’t decide what matters the most to you, you may come across some troubles, so beware of that. jupiter and the moon are also placed here: you’re the type to change your mind often, probably because you’re constantly coming up with new thoughts and theories since you’re so intellectually active. you seem emotionally cold, and you may actually be like that. in your case though, I see that with your heavy water energy, you feel so much all at once that at one point you need to detach from reality to calm down. even though you have troubles showing this side of you, you’re deeply quite sensitive. you also probably attract people to you easily, you find yourself being liked and appreciated by others. you could easily become very famous and have a very large fandom.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract aquarius, sagittarius, leo, scorpio and virgo. your future spouse will most likely have leo and virgo traits placements, maybe a leo-virgo cusp. they’ll be very similiar to you: precise and hard-working, but also with a warm, loyal heart and a hidden insecurity to them. as I’ve already mentioned before, you may meet them at work, after a big change in your life, during a period of transition. your children will most likely have strong sagittarius traits: they’ll be very daring and brave, but also quite funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely philosophical and more mature as time goes by. they’ll also have a tender side to them, but that is often overshadowed by their playfulness.

👶🏻 family life

your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio, taurus, aquarius or capricorn placements in her chart. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart, as well as aries, sagittarius and aquarius. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be quite pleasant. probably, you used to get along very well with them, it was pleasant for you to hang out and talk to them. they could have libra, aries or taurus placements in their chart.

📊 career

your birth chart has many indicators of potential fame in this lifetime: you have a leo rising, which makes you extremely charismatic. you would make an amazing performer or actress. you also have the degree of long-term fame, 17°, in your midheaven (career), therefore if you pursued a career in the spotlight you would definitely be successful. with your jupiter in the 11th I see that it's easy for you to be liked by the public, you'd surely have lots of fans and receive warm support. you could choose a career that allows you to express your emotions, your creativity. you could work in the beauty industry, for example as a stylist, a model, etc. or maybe you could become a recognized make-up artist or famous hair dresser. you would also do great at music, especially singing, or even dancing, as mars conjunct your midheaven indicates that you'll have to use your whole body for your future job. acting is also suitable for you.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

you probably love clothes that can show and enhance your body. you may love wearing crop tops, skirts, bralettes, shorts... anything that leaves a part of your body uncovered, yet that still looks elegant and classy. you could also enjoy baggy clothes, paired with fancy accessories and heels. for colors, you go from wearing bold colours like red, burgundy and neon, to darker shades like black, dark blue etc. you probably also love neutral shades, like kaki, beige and so on.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past existence, you were very in touch with your home, self, and probably marriage too. overall, your past life was very peaceful, especially when it comes to your family. this lifetime, though, you need to focus on letting the world know who you are. you have to build a reputation for your name and feel satisfied with your career, while still taking care of your family.

🤔 major transits analysis / july 25th

you're probably thriving in these days! I see you meeting someone special if you go out, as transit pisces jupiter is currently in your 7th house of relationships. you may meet someone who could become your lover, maybe even a long-term partner. also, the current venus-mars conjunction in leo is exactly conjunct your leo rising. you're probably feeling quite confident and sociable, you feel comfortable with the way you look and think and you may be more motivated and productive than usual.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

[girlmeetsliv3]

Boundaries II

Warning: The following story contains mentions of mental health disorders, depression, anxiety, manipulation, abuse, and vivid descriptions of abusive acts. The behavior and mindset of the characters in this will be incredibly yandere and toxic. This is a work of fiction and doesn’t represent the character of bangtan sonyeondan. Enjoy ~~~ 

Kim Taehyung had always known the kind of life he would live. The prodigal son of a sick woman and a bastard of a man. At three years of age, his psychiatrist had deemed him an exceptionally bright boy with a tendency to apply those wits to methods of extreme torture and weaponize them as a mean of instant gratification. His mother had managed to convince his father that the young boy's odd tendencies could not be beaten out of him, but required medical treatment; of course, that had cost her a swollen lip and injured wrist. After his diagnosis, treatment began immediately. First, the doctor ordered the removal of any emotional or physical triggers in the Taehyung’s life. He was immediately placed into a foster home and banned from having any contact with his biological parents. Second, understanding where and when it was acceptable to release his darker urges as a mean of stress relief. Various scenarios were discussed with the young boy, only when he was in danger or when his rage aided others could he utilize it. Lastly, a support system with means of controlling and understanding him. It was supposed to be his psychiatrist, the nurses, or even his parents; but Taehyung found his support system in you.

When the time to enroll in primary school had rolled around, it was a unanimous decision that the only way to test if Taehyung could function in society was to allow him to participate in it. Neither the school administrators nor his teachers were informed, for they wanted fair treatment. When the first day of school rolled around, the boy began to experience something he never had: nerves. Most of his early years were spent in a clean sterile environment surrounded by people twice or three times his age. How exactly was he to behave like a normal child, when he himself didn’t know what a child was. It didn’t take him long to figure it out though. By the time the teacher had announced it was break time, Taehyung found that being a child consisted of being presumptuous, picking on others, and forming distinctive cliques of friends. His distaste may have also been that once he stepped into class, one of the taller boys had made fun of his dialect and since then no one had dared talk to him.

Taehyung had taken it as a threat and planned to hurt the boy after class had concluded. So, he sat alone in the corner letting his mind wander into all the different ways he could harm him. He rationalized it was acceptable, for he was only allowed to hurt others when he was in danger and the boy had practically threatened him. He failed to notice the small girl in pigtails with matching red scrunchies walking towards him until she stood right in front of him. When he finally looked at her, he noticed she was different: her cheeks, eyes, lip shape, and complexion were entirely different from his and everyone else’s. She stood out and it intrigued him, for he related to her. When she spoke, her mouth moved oddly and her words were a string of Korean and gibberish interlaced. Had he not been able to pick up on social cues, he would’ve assumed she was making fun of him like the others - but it was her outstretched hand that let him know differently.

It was a gesture he had learned to associate with ‘hello’ or ‘help.’ Whenever the nurses gave Taehyung his medicine they would hold out their hands so he could squeeze it tightly, transferring the pain from him to them. He had also witnessed that whenever people met they held hands, only if for a moment. He had been analyzing your palm, its length, width, and size when he noticed it began to shake. Afraid that you would take it away, that you would abandon him, he grasped it painfully tight. He failed to notice you wince at his strength due to how happy he was, that he was not alone anymore. That you, a stranger, were there to help him when so many others had judged him and alienated him. After being alone in the dark for so long, he longed for the light you seemed to have in you. He wanted to bask in the sunlight with you, and if you refused to share then he would ensure both of you rot in the dark.

His obsession with you was obvious to those around him in his personal life. All he ever spoke about to parents, nurses, and doctors was you: your smile, your hair, your clothes, your smell. He was excited and genuinely happy. But when he misbehaved by trying to sneak into the girl’s bathroom, the doctor threatened to not allow the two of you to be friends anymore he understood that he must keep you a secret. In order to make sure, no one would separate you. That day after the visit, he’d come home crying to his parents and told him all the supposed things his psychiatrist had done to him during the time they were alone and he was never taken there again. It was better, for it meant he could spend more time with you, but without his medicine or emotional relievers, he found dark urges returning to him more frequently and he indulged in them like never before.

Pigeons, lizards, insects, and other small things became a good way to hurt without creating too much of a mess or drawing too much attention. That stopped once you caught him in the act though, and he grasped that just because you were best friends didn’t mean you accepted all of him. You would come to, however, that he was sure of. As he got older, he began to experiment with different alternatives to subside him: news articles, torture porn, crime documentaries, and his imagination. None proved effective and Taehyung was a ticking time bomb. He was reaching his limit and needed a release or he was going to snap and anyone or anything in his proximity would be collateral. His prayers were answered in the form of Park Jimin getting beat up in an ally. It was a beautiful sensation. Taehyung also discovered that it was not just the feeling of flesh and bones breaking, but the expressions one would display before death that elated him.

It was a pity that you had to bear witness to it. After that moment you had begun to change around him. No longer would you hold him, treat him with warm affection, and claim the two of you would never stop being friends. You now looked at him with fear, there was a hesitation in every one of your movements around him, and whenever he kissed your cheek or caressed your face goosebumps appeared on your arms. When you had asked for boundaries, he had agreed if only because he believed it would make you grow fond of him. The two of you were soulmates and spending time with regular people would make you realize how superior the two of you were to the rest of them. The opposite happened. More boundaries were created and you seemed determined to trap him inside all the yellow lines he could not cross until he could no longer reach you. His feelings for you began to change from want to need, love to desire, and an insatiable bloodlust formed within him.

The girls he fucked looked like you or sounded like you. He watched you and counted down the seconds until you spoke to him again. He was desperate for you. Even his friends began to notice his behavior and after a particularly angsty night, they suggested he get back at you by sleeping with your best friend. Easier said than done, but he had a plan. He had casually mentioned the party the last time you both had been together. It was in your living room when your mom had finally left for work. It had been a while since you had hung out in public with him. He was reduced to short visitations once or twice a month; as if he was some distant unliked relative. You responded with mild interest, but when he poked fun at you for never going out he knew his plan was set in motion. The party was typical. the only excitement was getting to observe you from a comfortable corner on the couch instead of underneath your bushes or through an obstructed window as he was used to.

Once you placed down the red solo cup and headed upstairs, he quickly activated his charm mode and made his way to the girl dancing sloppily in the middle of the dance floor. She was beyond inebriated, but he couldn’t care less. It was pathetic to him how all he had to do was whisper a couple compliments in her ear and she already began to drag him upstairs. With his guidance, they ended up in the master bedroom, where he heard the faucet in the bathroom running. Instantly, Taehyung latched his lips onto her neck and drew out a throaty moan from her. He was riled up. He wanted you to come out and see them together, hell he would even fuck her just to see your shocked expression. But as the seconds passed and you made no effort to make your presence known, he became angry. How dare you not play with him?! How dare you refuse to be his anymore?! How dare you remain in that stupid bathroom, when it should be you underneath him panting his name?! How dare she not be you?!

Taehyung failed to notice how his hands had crawled up to the girl’s throat, nor did he pick up on when gasps of pleasure turned to that of pain. It wasn’t until she clawed at his hands that he noticed, still his anger had consumed him by that point and he figured that if you didn’t love him - you should fear him. He continued to apply pressure until the gurl’s breathing shallowed and she passed out then, he stood up and left. Making sure to slam the door loud enough for you to hear, so you would come out and see the present he had left for you. He was certain once morning rolled around, you would come to him begging for forgiveness and eager to please. The exact opposite occurred. You had misunderstood his message as an omen, leading to the conclusion that the two of you could be no more. Or as you had phrased it, “Perhaps none of the boundaries worked, because there wasn’t a physical one.” He lost it.

As you drove off, he stood frozen staring off into space trying to comprehend where everything went wrong. For days on end, he racked his brain trying to decipher everything until he landed on one word: boundaries. Ever since he could recall, everyone around him had placed boundaries on his emotions, behavior, and thoughts. Telling him what he can or can’t do. What is or is not acceptable. In following those boundaries, he had not been his true self but a persona around everyone including you. That explained your behavior: you were confused as to who he really was and upset that he lied to you - concealed himself. Due to this, you had set boundaries around yourself, in order to understand him more. It all made sense. But there would be no need for that anymore. Between Taehyung and you, there were to be no more boundaries; emotionally, mentally, and/or physically. The two of you would give yourself to each other unconditionally so that nothing could ever tear you apart.

Taehyung knew that you needed time and he granted you what you desired. That doesn’t mean he needed to stop being a part of your life, it just meant you had to remain unaware that he was. It was quite easy. The city was full of people and after spending months there you too picked up on the habit of walking facing the ground and only paying attention to things directly in your line of vision. It aided a lot. He knew about everything: your university, internship, job, social life (or lack thereof), and even your sleeping problems. Taehyung found himself enjoying the city, it was full of people like him and they all blended so well into the society that they need not hide. He knew that this type of environment, however, was killing you. Still, where he lived no one would question if he came in carrying an unconscious girl or if he was soaked in blood, it was nice.

Finally, the day came, he had called human resources in your job anonymously threatening to file a report since in the three years you had been working there you’d never had a day off. He knew why you did it. It was a distraction from your thoughts and him, but it would be more suspicious if you suddenly didn’t show up to work the next day. He planned to break in the middle of the night, but he thought that if there was any possibility you would be awake he’d take it just to see your reaction. It was perfect. It reminded him of the first time the two of you met and had him longing for the old days. So much so that when he grasped you in his arms he whispered the words that had started it all. The ones that made him fall for you. The ones that sealed your fate. Taehyung lifted you in his arms and carried you out of the apartment, heading to your new home excited for what would occur once he got there.

-

You awoke nude on a bed with your limbs tied forcefully apart. Your senses were still muddled as you tried to grasp what had happened and then you saw him. He entered in stark naked with a smile adorning his features, it was like his first smile so long ago. Once he saw that you were awake he rushed towards, jumping on the bed to straddle you and planting harsh unwanted kisses all over your face. “I’m so glad you’re awake y/n. Now we can get started.” His tone was light and playful, which only caused terror to grow in you. “Get started with what?” you asked softly, tears brimming your eyes as the devilish man leaned closer to you. He chuckled, “We’re getting rid of all the boundaries that have ever plagued us and stopped us from being truly happy.” His hands ran along your entire body and vile rose in your throat as the tears spilled. He didn’t notice or didn’t care. “First, we begin with emotional boundaries where we’ll be completely open and honest with each other. Then, the societal boundaries where we can indulge in our darkest desires. Finally, we’ll destroy your support system. Since your mind seems so keen on making you resist me, I’ll break it.”

You were openly sobbing now and thrashing against him, whilst he looked to be in heaven. His hands wrapped tightly around your throat constricting the air supply to some shallow breaths, “And if life is persistent in keeping us apart, then we’ll be together forever in death.” He squeezed until he felt your breathing halt and your eyes roll into the back of your head. You weren’t dead, merely in a temporary state of unconsciousness. When you woke up again - the real fun would begin.

[graveyard-in-the-void]

- A masterclass in worlds between worlds - (Hey, what do you get if you put every Henry into a designated bar? A very bad time and not only because of the theoretical possibility that Hans Dsaftale might be there with the others. Now, what do you get if you LOCK one of the Henry’s into the bar as punishment for almost getting his own universe destroyed? A very exhausted Henry who’s just trying to make sense of the things he is seeing. If he hates it, at least he wants to understand it.)

- - - “Okay.” Henry started. Everyone was listening up as soon as that simple word was leaving his lips. This would be entertaining. It always was. Sure, there was some groaning in the back, but even they knew that would be hilarious. Lengthy, but hilarious. Well, maybe they would be the only ones laughing, but they don’t count their losses. Free entertainment is free entertainment. Henry stared into the people around him, before scoffing and pulling out an incredibly large board, with multiple pins on it, as well as notes and photos. “Hear me out. I have cracked the code.” Ah, one of these. “This will be one of the more lengthy of these, so you will need to bear with me.” One final cough from the audience and he was good to go. “Fantastic. Now, I want to introduce a concept to you. And I think it is something groundbreaking, as it is connecting to the very concept of souls. Alright, let us start off with the core concept of a soul. If it is an imprint of our very self, of our deepest emotions, desires and motivation, what truly moves us… then it is not only logical conclusion, that it also what dictates what draws us in or repels us? Of course it is. Thus, we can easily conclude that our soul ITSELF has needs and desires. “We like what we like” and “you should not fight over taste” are very wise statements indeed, absolutely true. But where do these tastes even come from? From our soul? Our liking for colors, aesthetics, for food and for music? Yes, surely there is a very psychological connection to it, due to experience, but… I think it runs deeper. What does this imply? That our souls comes inherently with NEEDS, with desires coming from our deepest core that we cannot possibly satisfy ourselves. This is further proven by our DEPENDANCE on other people. “The human is a social animal”- but what does that mean? How can a creature perish merely because of lack of contact? Perhaps it is hardwired into our spirits to need the interaction of ideas, the essence of others, because we cannot provide this for ourselves.“ The place broke out in quiet mumbling, while Henry adjusted the board behind him, to connect the dots visually. “Now, that we have established that every soul has needs, I think we can directly move onto the concept that every soul has DIFFERENT needs. It would make sense to try to find similarities in the needs from soul to soul, as you would assume it has the same baseline… but due to our experiences with souls, we have to accept that in terms of needs, souls differentiate severely from each other. Much like plants are awfully different based on species, I am willing to admit that souls CAN be similar in their nature and have similar needs, but souls exist in borderline endless versions, meaning most souls widely differentiate from another.” He paused, dramatically. The room was silent. “What does it mean, you ask?” Nobody actually asked anything. “I am glad you asked. Why is this important? Simple. Self-control and optimization. During my studies of multiple different multiverses, I realized an abhorrent flaw in the mental system that is me. Mainly, and believe me dear audience, I hate to say it, my draw to what I tend to consider “weakness”. Yes, I know, I know. Implausible. Impossible! But it is true. Except, it is not WEAKNESS." He smashed both of his hands on the bar in front of him. "It certainly seems like it and technically speaking IS weakness, but it is not outright weakness. It is not cowardice, it is not indecisiveness, it is not ignorance, which I all would call true symptoms of weakness. Fragility might also be a part of it, but not necessarily. That is what makes it so intriguing. And by fragility I do not quite mean instantaneous shattering. It is more a mixture of dependence and- okay, I think there is a lot of it to do with dependence. But what is there to dependence? Whatever would make that alluring? I will tell you. It took me a while, but my working theory is this: There is some sort of... resonance, dare I say. An echo of our own fear and worry, we see in them something we fear to be in us! And thus, caring for that person, defeating the weakness within them, satisfying the dependence, it proves to us we can defeat it within ourselves as well!" One of the attendance rose his hand. "Okay, but what about simple narcissist function? Occam's razor. The easiest answer is that we are simply searching for supply for our ego." The presenting Henry wildly waved his hand around in disgust. "No! That is not what it is. Obviously. Otherwise, the codependency that at least somewhat evolves even from our side would not grow WORSE. We would grow tired of it. But that is not happening. No, the longer it goes on, the worse it gets! The only reasonable solution is to assume that our traits are calling out for those that will COVER them. Our loyalty and capability calls for NEED in the other soul, for insecurity and reliability. Trustworthiness, for our loyalty. Our detachment from any given reality calls out for something that we directly can control and influence, a real, breathing example of our effect that we can have. There is an incredibly fragile balance to be struck, of need and trustworthy purity, as well as absolute willingness to give up everything that makes them themselves in the first place, as we have some sort of all-consuming ego, with our individuality being our most important part, so important in fact that we need to be able to impose it onto others to feel secure-" He was interrupted. "So you are saying we are some sort of former eldritch abomination given human flesh for some reason still trying to live out or former desires?" Henry paused a bit irritated. "I mean... maybe? Unlikely, but-" Another voice. "Hey, does this "calling out" thing not imply that people who get attracted to people who torment them deserve it? Because if so, that is pretty fucked up of you." "No! I mean- well, we are talking about underlying NEEDS, that does not necessary equate to it being lived out in-" A pink Naga leaned back. "No, no, I agree. Prey isss prey. It cannot bear being anything different. It needsss to feel like it." "Shut up, nobody asked you." A bit annoyed Henry tried to dismiss him. Desperately he tried to get back to the point he was trying to make for what felt like an hour by now. "I propose the following: There is not actually such a thing as soulmate, but it is more akin to a spiritual form of chemical bonding. Some bond easier than others, like hydrogen. For souls that mean they have less specific requirements to keep up a truly fulfilling bond, or have an easier time filling the other's lacking traits without needing much back. What is needed from their bond is what we call out via our souls, creating a type, but said type is intended to cover the things our souls cannot satisfy or eradicate within itself. Thus, my conclusion is that a soul bond forms for a soul much more on what people lack than their strength. If the lacks fit well with the lacking of the other person, they manage to fall into place-" This time he wasn't even allowed to rant. The bartender Henry next to him gave him a flick with his demonic tail and poured himself a drink. "I love it when people who never had a relationship try to explain them. Very cute." "I- TECHNICALLY speaking you can become an expert on everything via the theory, I did a lot of studies-" "Oh god, wait, so you cucked yourself?" The succubus watched with delight as the most annoying Henry's face went from pale to red. "Cut it out you filthy whore." "You are merely jealous that unlike you, I not only get to fuck my boyfriend all day, but also get magical abilities for it." That was enough, the poor Henry, who was just trying to find answers, held his ears closed like some sort of child and had a silent breakdown. It wasn't easy hanging out with such an awful version of yourself. Especially if that version couldn't stand you and loved to tease you about shortcomings that he would of course know by heart. The other Henrys lost interest at that point. Show's over. And nobody learned anything. No, it wasn't quite the void, but Henry surely wished to get back there instead of being stuck here, serving drinks to his much more pathetic, yet somehow much more successful versions. Oh, hell had many faces. For now he had to deal.

[jdwstaten-blog]

The Individualistic Environment of the Internet

The digital creates an environment in which individuals are able to ignore forms of challenge to their views and create their own cult of individual. Today, individuals can remove ideas that disagree with their own from the public forum via a range of techniques. Internet users can seclude themselves from the outside world and become immersed in a world that reflects their opinions rather than truth and fact, as their ideas are legitimised and facts decried as "fake news". But how does the internet do this, and is the internet entirely to blame for this?

How we use the Internet

In Western civilisation, a social shift is taking place, the results of which are too vast to truly comprehend, especially within one sentence. The arrival of the internet as a staple of everyday life has changed the way people communicate, organise their days, entertain themselves and more. The internet is used to bring power to homes, find people new jobs and even to discover potential soulmates. It has become not only a staple of daily life, but integral to it, with users who are disconnected from it for long periods of time feeling disconnected from the world itself.

The Importance of Debate

Debate is vital to democracy. Debate is also vital to co-existence and co-operation with others, even when you find you might disagree with them. The internet does allow this. With so many people connected, people are able to share their different experiences and both the joys and hardships that they face. Anonymity may make a user less trustworthy, but it may also protect them and allow for their voice, that would normally be censored, to be heard around the world. That is why the #MeToo movement was able to thrive on social media, as well as suppressed voices in the recent Hong Kong protests to be heard on the other side of the world. Barnidge (2018) argues that political disagreement on social media is not so different to political disagreement in face-to-face conversation. However, whilst this may be true of more typical conversational debate, it ignores the taboo subjects that are rarely discussed outside of the internet, due to the need for anonymity. The internet allows for more honest debate in which people are able to speak freely without damaging their public face.

Why Are We So Open Online?

Whilst all internet users reside within cyberspace (Jordan, 1999), it is important to remember that beyond certain examples (such as Skype or FaceTime), we are unable to directly see one another within said cyberspace. We are instead represented by our avatars, sometimes pictures of us, or the things that we like and with pictures of ourselves or again, something we enjoy, these avatars are our personalities condensed into an image and a name. What they are not is human. Because of this, when we interact with one another, through our avatars, within cyberspace, we do not see another person, only another avatar. This can lead to something of a dehumanising effect and we become less aware of the person we are communicating within behind the avatar. As John Gilmore notes: "On the internet, nobody knows you at all, on the Internet nobody knows what your race is or your sex." (This was later popularised by the internet meme On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog, a cartoon by Peter Steiner of the New Yorker). Because of this, we become less inclined to see that person as someone within the real world. As proven by Milgram (1963), when we are unaware of the individual, we are less likely to care about inflicting pain on to them. Perhaps then this is why harassment online runs so rampant and we are so quick to attack those with whom we disagree. This has led to a perceived break down in discourse as people become disenfranchised from debate. The internet age has come to be seen as a time in which debate in inescapable and constant when they do not want to constantly defend their own opinions or attack the opinions of others, instead wishing to simply share their viewpoint with like-minded individuals.

Block Buttons

Most social media platforms have a system in place that allows for the blocking of other users. Although it is dependent on the website as to what exactly the block function entails, the block feature normally allows for one user to prevent the content uploaded by another user from appearing on their profile. Social media companies do not comment on when and how the block feature should be used but instead appear to allow the user base to determine for themselves what would constitute a reason for using the block feature. What these companies do comment on is their ability to block an individual’s access to their site, usually through the report function.

The reason given by social media companies tends to remain the same, whether it be Facebook who claim they block individuals from the platform to: “Combat harmful conduct, and protect and support our community” or Twitter who state they remove content on grounds of: "copyright or trademark violations, impersonation, unlawful conduct, or harassment.” Perhaps then users should be using these parameters to determine what they block on the platform. Perhaps the largest issue with these guidelines however is the use of “harmful” in Facebook’s case and “harassment” in the case of Twitter as both of these terms and what is required of them is subjective. Whilst there are obvious cases of harassment such as death threats, it is up to the user to determine whether or not something like name calling is to be considered harassment. Because of this, what we unfortunately find now is that the block function is used by individuals, not just to block those who harass them, but more simply to block those who they disagree with.

Discourse is beginning to break down and this is a danger to Western society’s foundational material. As Mutz (2006) tells us: "Political disagreement is an important concept to democratic theory because it is believed to promote tolerance of the other side." So, the question arises: does the block function, in its ability to close off debate without resolution or compromise, pose a threat to democracy? Already the US court system has had to make a legal decision regarding the block function on social media regarding President Donald Trump and his personal Twitter account. Judge Naomi Budgewald ruled in a lawsuit against President Trump that it was unconstitutional for the sitting president to block Twitter users who were critical of his presidency as it violated the first amendment to the US Constitution. The First Amendment exists to protect the liberties of free expression that were important to the young democracy and remain important to democracies around the world today. Yet the block function was viewed by the court as a threat to this basic democratic function. We now have a situation whereby people are closing down debate, in part because it is so constant, and instead choosing to create echo-chambers in which their viewpoints are never challenged and instead regularly validated.

Echo-Chambers

An echo-chamber is the name given to a space, cyber or physical, in which the views of an individual are to be shared without critique and instead praised by like-minded individuals who are saying similar things. These occur when social media users create accounts and interact with other accounts, providing they agree entirely with what the other accounts say. This leads to users no longer reading what they disagree with or what challenges them and instead reading only validation for their beliefs. Therefore, when an individual encounters a text with which they disagree, they refuse to see its merits and instead use the validation they received from the echo chamber to disregard the challenging text (this is partially what has allowed the phrase “fake news” to become more widely circulated even when the text is objectively factual).

Deplatforming

Deplatforming is the process in which a large group of social media users come together and pressure the platform provider to remove another user from the platform. This can take place across the media (such as TV and Physical Publishing) but is particularly found within social media. Because so many people are willing to discuss their opinions more freely, as previously discussed, they are more likely to anger other users who may come to disagree with them. The offended users may sometimes believe that the topic this user is discussing is one that is too harmful to continue on the platform and so will protest the platform, asking it to remove the offender. What this often leads to however is further division as users begin to take sides between either the offender or the offended, leading to more aggressive and uncomfortable debate then began. If the offended group are successful in deplatforming the offending user, a further issue may occur: the idea may go underground. This tends to occur when ideas are considered taboo by larger society. Individuals who agree with this view but feel that they are not safe in discussing it within certain parts of the internet, will instead begin to discuss it elsewhere (usually on less monitored websites such as 4chan). Here echo-chambers form and grow, allowing the taboo idea to be more widely circulated and validated.

The Seclusion of the Internet

Perhaps the biggest fear to have grown out of the internet and its continued involvement in our lives is the fear of addiction. Internet addiction is not currently a recognised health problem by the World Health Organisation, yet it continues to be considered an issue, particularly in the media. According to Rees, Wilridge et al. (2019), "PSU (Problematic Smartphone Use) was reported in approximately one in every four CYP (Children and Young People) and accompanied by an increased odds of poorer mental health." The study further went on to argue that this was leading to an unhealthy mental health and decrease in social skills. The internet secluded us from the physical world, but it also has the ability to seclude us in the virtual world...

The internet, in its vastness, has created a series of pathways for every individual who uses it and that are each unique to them. Whilst we are all connected, and our paths might cross more easily, so too has our individual life paths never appeared so obvious. No two people interact on the same sites, in the same order for the length of their individual lives. We have become more secluded on our individual pathways, sharing less time together in the same places. This has only furthered emphasised our individualistic nature, as we become more engrossed in our own interests and care less for those around us (both physically and virtually). Some people may determine that the people around them are worthless and become so attached to just a few of their beliefs, that they will do anything to protect them.

The Dangers of Seclusion

Arguably the most frightening aspect of the internet is its ability, not just to connect us to individuals, but to connect us to the most dangerous individuals in our society. Extremist groups have easier access to their next recruits. YouTube is the most common place for propaganda to be found, with the site having to regularly undertake new methods to take down such material (thereby raising a free speech debate around extremist material and its similarity with hate speech). Pedophilia is also able to run more rampant online. Children often have access to the internet unsupervised and the seclusion they feel (particularly teenagers who already tend to feel secluded) is an easy target for pedophiles who look to give their targets validation before exploiting their trust and naivety.

The Seclusion of the Novel

But the idea of young people spending long periods of time engrossed in something, not pertaining to the real world, is not a new phenomenon. Novels have long had a similar effect and the child and teenage audiences have led to the creation of book markets specifically targeted towards them. Books, like the internet, transport people to another dimension, where they are able to explore another world. This transportation sees readers become, typically, more secluded as they search for somewhere quiet to read and choose to stay away from family members and friends for a few hours to enjoy their imaginary world.

Furthermore, whilst the words read in a novel may be identical, what we envision is not. A novelist is only able to go so far in transplanting their vision into their reader's head. What we therefore get is a system like the internet in which we live in an alternate world, for purposes of escapism, for long periods of time. Veltkamp even argues that this transportation increases our empathy saying: “fiction influences empathy of the reader, but only under the condition of low or high emotional transportation into the story.”

The idea of cyberspace is really not so different from the imaginary worlds we create when reading so why would the effects on children's brains, and their ability to emerge themselves into it, be so different? In fact, is it not more likely that the positive effects of fiction are also to be found due to the emotional transportation of the internet?

Of course, with a novel, children are unable to communicate with individuals who might exploit them, but they also miss out on communicating with friends and developing physical world bonds outside of their family. Though it should also be remembered that if children have a healthy amount of screen or reading time, then they should also have opportunities to explore relationships in the physical world be it in school-time, or other events aimed towards children.

Can it really be said that the seclusion created by the internet is so different from the seclusion created previously by the novel? Humanity has always strived to escape to somewhere different, the internet is arguably a new way to attain this.

Internet Gaming

Perhaps the most immersive form of entertainment through the internet is gaming and particularly the game Fortnite. Fortnite belongs to a fairly new genre in gaming known as the Battle Royale genre of games in which players (usually 100) are dropped into an environment and must pick up items on the island in order to survive, all the while fighting to become the last player alive. Fortnite is the most popular of this genre with an install base of over 250 million users across the seven platforms it is available on and at a recent World Championships, the 16-year-old winner took home $3 million. However, the game's popularity has led to countless reports claiming it causes violent behaviour in the children that play it, as well as other anti-social behaviours that come from long periods of seclusion. Is the game's main mode, in which players must defend themselves from other users for risk of losing, a rather helpful analogy in discussing how secluded people can become on the internet? Quite possibly. Even the game's modes in which players can fight alongside other players encourages tribalism as they still must fight over players in order to stay in the game.

Alternatively, however, Fortnite should perhaps be commended. After all, the game also encourages creativity (especially with its unique building aspect), co-operation (with regards to its co-op team-based modes) and puzzle solving. Furthermore, the game allows for new friendships, has created a new form of employment for several of the game's best players (several of whom have played the game as part of charity fundraisers) and created an exciting new brand for kids and even parents to bond over (with some parents even playing together once their children have gone to bed). Just like many entertainment franchises, Fortnite creates something well known that encourages people to create and share their ideas with others, creating and reinforcing friendships.

Not all internet gaming revolves around conflict either. Many games such as the Animal Crossing and Pokémon series have online elements that encourage players to work alongside each other. Whether this be building towns in Animal Crossing, capturing the various eponymous creatures in Pokémon or simply exploring the worlds of both games, these games, as well as others, offer players the chance to co-operate and succeed together.

The Information Superhighway

The internet is one of the defining inventions of the 20th Century and has had a transformative effect on Western society in the 21st Century. Communication and the spread of information has become available, quite literally, at the speed of light and on a global scale, especially among the Western World. These individualistic cultures are more connected and understanding between them has become easier.

This has created a cultural monotony as the various Western societies share their values more freely than ever. The internet is a connecting service that allows for quick and easy access to information. It is worth bearing in mind that the internet is not a unique entity or a metaphysical reality but simply a tool that, whilst advanced, still requires human input.

Collectivist Culture and the Internet

Whilst Western civilisation is seen as an individualistic culture, other cultures have been identified as collectivist. These cultures typically involve a larger community aspect and see success not as the product of the individual, but of the larger community. The question now is: has the internet made these communities more individualistic? Unfortunately, the answer is inconclusive as many of these traditional communities tend to be more rural and therefore less connected to the internet, whilst the urbanised communities have already become westernised due to the need to adapt to the global market. Still, we can see that even the rural, traditional communities in second world and some third world countries have gained new access to the internet and use it in much the same way those in rural first world communities use it (that is to say, largely on an individualistic basis). The internet is allowing the movement of ideas more quickly than ever, much as empires did in the 19th and 20th centuries and with this comes a colonisation not of land and resources, but of thought as ideology can spread faster than ever (somewhat like Christianity did in 19th century Africa due to British missionaries). This colonisation can be seen, at least in part, when examining the growth of western social media companies within emerging nations. Already Facebook has over 139 million users within Africa and many of the issues the internet issues that are said to threaten Western civilisation, are said to be doing the same within Africa. There are fears that Facebook is “undermining democracy in Africa” as “fake news” starts to become more prevalent

The Arab Spring

In 2011, the Arab Spring occurred across the Middle East. Uprisings in nations such as Tunisia, Libya and Egypt began that saw to alter the regimes that had taken hold there. These nations have all in the past been described as more collectivist communities than Western society and yet social media was highly influential in the genesis of these revolutions. Several groups used social media to come together and organise larger protests with a strategic purpose. With the aid of social media, revolutionaries were able to garner support from first world nations, leading to a NATO response in Libya, as well as aid in several other North African and Middle Eastern countries. The impact of social media in this situation cannot be underestimated as several videos of demonstrations and atrocities led to the eyes of the world turning towards situations they had long previously abandoned. What should also be noted however is the fall out that followed the demonstrations. Today three countries, or one fifth of countries involved in the Arab Spring, remain locked in Civil War, in part because whilst groups were able to use social media to overthrow the larger governments, none held a majority or even a sizeable minority within the national populace. The divisions that were always there between people have become more obvious, just as they political divisions in Western democracies have grown in the past ten years, a trend that has been largely put down to social media’s influence.

The Individual Behind the Avatar

The internet is arguably the largest collaboration of human work in existence and has seen billions of people contribute to it, despite its young age. When we discuss the internet, we have to remember that the people behind it are ordinary people. The infrastructure of the internet may be held by the Silicon Valley elite, but those who use it and populate the internet with content are the user base. This user base uses the internet as an extension of their pre-internet society and whilst becoming more integrated within the internet, the line between these two societies has become more blurred.

A Distrust of New Things

The distrust of the internet can be likened to the distrust of the written word observed in Ancient Greece. Socrates argued that the written word would "create forgetfulness in the learner's souls." A similar argument that can be found today regarding the internet, due to its ability to recall information at a moment's notice (and has previously been made by Daniel M. Wegner and Adrian F. Ward). Yet perhaps it would be fair to say that these individuals feel threatened by the changing world as it challenges a society in which they were the most powerful. Whilst the written word did ultimately change our society, it largely began what we now call civilisation. Perhaps the internet will be just as revolutionary for our society and therefore, like the written word before it, just as unfairly distrusted. Perhaps we are on the precipice of a new age that shall see humanity and its existence transform in a new way that as of yet is unknown. Or perhaps this is just a fluke and we shall abandon the internet as we collectively determine it to be too dangerous to continue. A new form of communication is a rare phenomenon for humanity, it is up to us to decide whether to embrace or destroy it.

Is it all the Internet's Fault?

It would be easy to say that the internet has created a more divisive, vitriol filled social climate, but to say so would be to scapegoat the human condition. In truth, we do not like to read what we disagree with and we have a dislike of things that are too different to ourselves. When we disagreed with newspapers, we changed the newspaper we read. When we did not like the change, a novel had made to a character, we put the book down and we told others that we did not enjoy it. The digital is not a new creation that has made us dislike one another, it has simply amplified and sped up the rate at which we hear things, both contrary to and supporting our opinions. It is true then, the digital creates an environment in which individuals are able to ignore forms of challenge to their views and create their own cult of individual, but no more so than any other environment. When an environment is created in which people of different ideas come together, there is always a way for people to walk away from debate and look for those who reaffirm their beliefs. Neo-Nazism in Post-War America and Europe and Islamic extremism grew without the aid of the internet. They grew, as any extremism does, by targeting those without cause and giving it to them. The internet simply allows this to be done on a faster and larger scale today. In truth, the internet simply speeds up the terrible things that humanity are willing to say and do to one another. In other words: the digital is not the problem, humans are.

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[anotherererifanshippingcorner]

#3 Wonders of the unkown (Goodbye) pt. 2 - for Eren/Levi Angst Weekend

Part 1 is here!

Title: Wonders of the unknown Prompt: Goodbye for #ereriangstweekend by @ererievents​ Rating: Explicit Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin Pairing: Eren Jaeger/Levi Ackerman  Word count: 5.1k Additional tags: Alternative Universe - Dystopia (sort of), Soulmates AU, Angst, Smut, Fluff Summary:  In this world, everyone has a soulmate, but it hasn’t always been easy to find them -not like now. Years of scientific progress helped the world organize and engulf the functioning of the Red Thread of Fate into the system, so that no one would fear not meeting their destined one ever again. Levi Ackerman is finally twenty, and the Red Ceremony -where young men and women meet their soulmates for the first time- is close. Or is it really?

Read under the cut or on ao3

*** «For a while, they went on with the lives the system created for them, marrying them out with the people they were paired with and raising a family. Years later, both their husband and wife died, just like that. And one day, they met again, and that triggered their brain into revealing the same sleeping memories the government had tried to take away from them. They were discovered and threatened, told that they didn’t have many options and could only cooperate or have their brain played with again. See, the thing about wiping one’s memory is that it can be done only once without damaging the brain. Doing it again would be too much trouble even for the government. But my parents said they just wanted to be together. Initially, they were against it, since my mother came from a rank much higher than my father’s, but they fought it off, swearing they would keep quiet and disappear. The government ended up granting it, provided that they would live in isolation and didn’t keep in touch with anyone. They didn’t need to be asked twice. My parents run and hid as far away from the city as they could»

He remained silent for a few seconds, probably gathering his thoughts, feeling your eyes boring into him. You weren’t the only one who was nervous.

«And then they had me. I’m sure that scared them a lot» he murmured, smiling sadly and dropping his head, hiding his face from your sight. Your chest tightened, and you had to force yourself to breath and stay still while your mate was so distressed.

Your mate. It still sounded strange, and yet so right.

«We were happy. As happy as we could be in the situation we were forced in, but it was true. The place I grew up in contains so many beautiful memories, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to part from it»

His shoulders were shaking, and it was enough to break your heart. If all of that was true -if memory-wiping tools truly existed-, then you supposed you could try to believe him. There was too much pain in they way he talked and behaved, too much sincerity in his eyes when they met yours for it to be a lie.

But you had questions. There were things probably left unsaid, and you wanted to understand.

So you asked them, hoping it would distract him from the pain he was reliving so that he could explain everything to you.

«Why did they do that? Why pair your parents with different people in the first place?»

«Because of the Caste system» Eren said, voice rough, scrolling his head to regain control of himself. When he looked over at you, his eyes were lucid, but firm. Your expression must have alerted him of your confusion, because he smiled patiently and set his cup on the small table in front of the couch, leaning toward you slightly.

That’s when you remembered about your tea -only to find the cup half empty, drink already cold. You imitated him, while listening to his explanation.

«Think about it. Do you believe that there had never been people whose soulmate was of a much lower Caste than their own?»

No, you didn’t. And it was strange. Everyone had always moved within their own Caste, one above or one below at best. It had always striked you as odd, like it was too much of a coincidence, too romantic, as they put it, but no one had ever said anything, and your mated friends had all seemed happy.

You signaled him to keep going.

«The SP is supported by the government and the Caste system, financially speaking. Those of a high rank would never accept a farmer or a simple worker as their sons or daughters’ mate. Something needed to be changed, in that case, and they developed a memory-control tool. My parent’s friend, Armin, was part of the project, and refused to work on it when he found out what was his purpose. They wiped his memory, and he was assigned to the SP, so that they could keep an eye on him in case he remembered something. And he did, because he had left something to himself, knowing that the very same thing he refused to be a part of would be eventually used against him. We met when he came in contact with my family, after he found out about my father’s story and medical studies. With that, he discovered about me, too, a boy born from a couple of not recognized soulmates that no one, neither Sina’s government, knew about. He promised my parents he would protect me if something were to happen. And he kept it -he still does»

You brought your hands to your temple, massaging them while trying to come to terms with what you heard. Keeping your distance from him was giving you a migraine, but you weren’t quite ready for physical contact. His distress bothered you, though.

«So you are saying it’s all about money and power»

«Yes»

«And that people are manipulated if their destined mate is not of the same social status»

«Yes»

«Does that mean there are others nowadays whose mates have been paired with different people? Like it was for your parents?» Like it could be for us?, you thought, without having the courage to say it aloud.

Slowly, as if he didn’t want to reply but knew that he had to, Eren nodded.

«Okay. Then, how did you find me? Why now?»

«Armin. As I said before, he works for the SP and he kept out an eye for the chemical factor that would react with mine. Yours did, but he didn’t find out until yesterday. He was the one who send you the invitation letter»

You sagged back on the couch, looking at your hands, heart beating faster at the way yours and Eren’s red string were finally joined into one. You started thinking how it would be, to be paired with someone else now that you knew about Eren. You two have been together for less than a couple of hours, yet the thought repulsed you, making you shiver as if you were ill.

The doorbell echoed in the apartment, and he got up from the couch and went to let his guest in.

«Levi!»

He took her arm and pulled her in the entrance, locking the door. She angrily got out of her coat and scarf, never once looking at you.

«Are you finally ready to tell me what’s gotten into you? It’s been weeks since I last saw you and you didn’t even go to work. What about Nif-»

When she turned her head abruptly and realized the state he was in -disheveled hair, heavy bags under his eyes, comfy clothes-, she just knew something was very wrong.

«Tell me everything»

And he did.

«Are you okay?»

You glanced sideways at Eren, noticing how his eyes were observing you, worried and antsy, probably trying to guess how you felt.

«I- it’s just, it’s crazy. I’ve never been a fan of the Ceremony myself, but this is kind of hard to believe»

You saw his eyes hesitate at your words, but he held the sadness in them back, forcing him to hear you out. So you spoke quickly.

«It had always felt stupid and superficial when to me, like what they were doing was fucking obnoxious while it should have been more of an intimate thing» you added, hoping your embarrassment wasn’t obvious and that Eren didn’t think it was childish.

«But that’s not the point. What really frustrates me is that a part of me already believes you» you reluctantly admitted, diverting your eyes from the hopeful glint in Eren’s irises, «which kind of complicates everything and confuses me even more»

But Eren was already nodding, understanding clear as day in his expression, and your heart broke a little bit more at his eagerness.

«I get it. I grew up in this reality, but for you it’s just a sad story. I am already grateful you heard me out»

And then you just couldn’t take it anymore.

You scooted closer, before you could even change your mind, and took his hand in yours.

Relief washed over you in a potent wave and your body finally went slack, comforted by your mate’s closeness and direct contact. You heard him breath out, too, and he carefully tagged you against him, enveloping you in a hug. It was blissful and comforting, even if the socially awkward part of you was twitching a little. It subsided after a few moments, letting you relax.

You both remained silent for a while, hearts pounding, skin tingling, humming contently here and there, but the urgency of your talk kept nagging at you.

«You said you brought me here because you wanted to keep me safe, so what’s going to happen to me?» you whispered, snuggling subtly against his side. You felt his chin find his way on your head, waiting for his words to fill the silence again.

«They’ll look for you in the SP, because you’re already twenty. They’ll know about you having a soulmate, because the chemical agent is already active. They’ll know you already met me by the way the soulmate’s factor in the blood reacts and changes after the first meeting. I am not in the Registers, so it’ll take a while for them to figure it out, but when it’ll be clear that your soulmate is not out there, they’ll keep digging. Or maybe they won’t even bother and force a different mate on you, ripping our bond by means of some kind of injection, which creates a fake string connected to someone else»

He held you tighter, trembling with disgust only at the mental image of it. Was that your destiny? To be a rebel or become a marionette for the Caste system?

«And if they find out about your existence? Do you think they would use me against you?»

«Within the blink an eye»

You nodded.

«What now?»

«What?»

Your condescendence seemed to surprise him -it surprised you, too. Were you really going to do that -believe him? He didn’t have any logical reason to lie to you, and the risk of losing that, if what he told you was true, was too high.

You broke free from your hug, regarding him with a serious look.

«What should we do? My friends are probably looking for me and the Ceremony should be long over, now»

He seemed at a loss for a while, apparently lost looking at you with the same wonder he had in his eyes when you first met. That was, until something occurred to him.

«For now, tell them you are okay and that you are trying to figure out why your mate wasn’t there. It’s better if they don’t know. But at some point, you’ll need to notify the SP of your status, to gain you time and don’t have them suspecting about you. That’s if they don’t come to you first»

You agreed.

«I believe you»

He breathed out his relief, letting Hanji hand him a second cup of tea.

«It’s absurd and amazing and tragical and makes me really, really angry, but I believe you»

«I don’t know what to do» he admitted, glancing out of the window, not daring to wonder if he was okay, if he was thinking about you.

«Are you angry at him?»

He didn’t answer.

«You know they probably found out about him and he was only trying to keep you safe, right? If he told you where he was going and what he was-»

«That’s what makes me furious»

«But now it’s perfect!»

He looked over, noticing how happy she seemed to be.

«They don’t know you remember now, so it’s the perfect time to look for him!»

«What about Nifa? What about you, the others-»

«I’m sorry for that sweet angel. She can be your cover, so that they won’t know you know. Because honestly? I want you to be happy. And if it means letting you go so that you can find your soulmate and be with him, even if it’s far away from here, then that’s where I’ll help you go»

You weren’t aware you had been in love with him since the moment you met his eyes.

Well, that wasn’t quite true.

The bond didn’t create love, but helped you to build up complicity and trust with someone the universe knew would understand and support and accept you completely.

Love was how some people decided to call it.

At the beginning, Eren didn’t know why you kept wanting him back. He thought you were going to dispose of him soon after knowing how dangerous it was for the both of you to be together, but when you demanded if he was ready to take the risk and he told you he had been dreaming of living with you since the bond kicked in, you were quick to silence him.

«Then it’s settled. We need to work on your tea skills. I’ll teach you»

That was the reassurance you both needed.

«How do we do that?»

«You mentioned a friend of Eren’s in the SP, right?»

«Yes. Armin Arlert»

«That name does sound familiar. I’ll ask about him to my colleagues at work and see what section he works in, specifically»

«Alright. Be careful and don’t attract unwanted attention»

«Yup! Leave it to mama Hanji!»

He rolled his eyes into his head, smiling for the first time since all those memories came back to him, days prior.

«Hanji?»

«What, shorty?»

«Thank you»

«I don’t think it’s okay for you to come here this often. Maybe you should tone it out a bit. We should be careful»

Eren pouted, hiding well his worry, and inched closer.

«I can’t honestly go long without seeing you, Levi»

You laughed a bit, every day a little more charmed by the childish way with which Eren made him smile.

«Tch, you pimp»

«What did Armin say?»

«Nothing. He told me we need to wait, that he’ll take care of it»

«You really brought that cup here?»

Eren took his jacket off, hanging it in the entrance and getting rid of his dirty shoes. Your heart jumped at that little act, knowing it was out of respect for you. He turned, raising his full hands and showing off his gift.

«Of course! It suits you, so don’t complain»

You didn’t even realize you were in front of him until you took his face into your hands and brought it down to kiss him, tugging at his lower lip impatiently to get him to open his mouth.

He did, eagerly as in everything he did, circling your waist and deepening the contact.

«Mmmh, someone missed me» Eren smiled against your lips, licking them lightly once, twice, before taking them again, roughly.

«You know I always do» you said minutes later, breathless, cup forgotten in Eren’s hands.

«I miss you so much»

His whisper echoed in the night, sheets agonizingly cold, Eren’s side of the bed devoid of any trace of his presence.

«You truly are a ghost»

«Have you ever thought of running away?»

You didn’t stop playing with his hair, for once not tied in a messy bun, and Eren didn’t open his eyes when he answered.

«I did. My father offered me to, after mom died»

«Why didn’t you?»

«For a lot of reasons, the main one being you»

«Me?»

He took your other hand and brought it to his face, kissing your palm lightly and making you shiver.

«Yes. I knew there was a possibility that your were here, in Sina. More than that, I could somehow feel it. I couldn’t go away without at least meeting you, even if it meant sacrificing everything my parents did to keep me safe»

You didn’t speak for a while, enjoying the feeling of affection and serenity that staying close to him gave you. Then,

«Let’s run away»

«Uh?»

Eren turned his head, lifting his eyelids and looking at you.

«Let’s run away», you repeated, your gaze never leaving his.

A couple of seconds of silence, then a smile, a passionate kiss on your hand.

«Yes. Let’s do it»

«Hi, Levi»

A shy voice greeted him on the other hand of the phone, feeding his guilty conscience.

«Hi, Nifa»

«The SP settled our first date, did you read it? It’s in two days from now»

«Yes, I read it»

«I’m really excited! Where should we go?»

«Wherever you want to go»

«Levi- Are you sure?»

Your hands tightened their hold on his shoulder, bringing him down urgently, legs around his waist. Your arousal bumped together and you both hissed, the friction doing wonders against your heated skin.

«Yes. It’s already uncertain as it is, I don’t want to miss any of the thing I can do with you»

Eren moaned at your words, and every caution from him disappeared.

He took his time entering you, holding your hips down and reveling in the feeling of his dick sinking into you, just as much as you loved the sensation of being filled to the brim, despite the initial uncomfortableness.

Suddenly, Eren was everywhere -in your heart and soul, whispering at your ears and against your lips, intertwining your fingers and caressing your sides, while he slowly, slowly moved his length out of your hole before going back in, every time a little bit faster to get you both used to the feeling, until he set a rhythm that had you withering and trashing against the sheets, sweat trickling down your skin.

It was a torture, one you never wanted to end.

«Eren- faster»

«Not now- let me»

His thrusts became longer and deeper, searching, wandering, taking your breath away, making it impossible to stay still.

«Eren- Eren, please»

«It’s okay, love, I think I-»

You screamed, literally screamed when Eren pushed against something inside you that had every single nerve of your body light up and shout in pleasure, rendering your words much more incoherent.

«There! Do it again!»

But Eren was already doing it, apparently having been looking for that particular spot, and he started pounding with reckless abandon into it while holding your right legs up, your left one draped on his shoulder.

«Yes, oh god, Er- Eren-»

«Shit!»

Eren’s hand flew to your erection, knowing he wouldn’t last much longer with you moaning and panting like that, closing around it and fisting it in time with his thrusts. Your hips drove right back onto Eren’s dick and into his hand, seeking all the pleasure you could get, making him lose even more the thin grasp he had on his control.

«Levi-» he sobbed in pure pleasure, «Levi»

It didn’t take more of a couple of push and encouraging words for you to come on your stomach, painting yourself with your own semen and trying to keep up with Eren’s movement a little bit longer, until you felt him come in your ass, gasping weakly at the sensation.

None of you spoke, but you embraced each other tightly, still feeling vulnerable and open, but satiated and warm as never before.

«Shit»

He came again, moaning silently, the ghost of Eren’s touches and kisses on his skin.

His breath was heavy, lungs extending frenetically to gain as much air as possible, eyes blinking tears away and revealing the sad truth-

He was still alone.

«They came. They told me my request for my missing soulmate has been accepted and that they’ll let me know. Are you sure that was a good idea?»

You were pacing nervously in the kitchen, preparing lunch while referring about your last encounter with the SP division. You had to make them aware of the fact that you weren’t contacted for your Ceremony, so not to raise suspicion in the government.

«You know it was, you agreed, too. They’d find it strange if you didn’t alert them of your status, now that some time had passed. Not all Ceremonies happens immediately after one’s twentieth birthday, but we can’t risk it»

You sighed, irritated by the fact that he was right and the one of you who managed to keep his cool.

«What if the next time they’ll come back they’ll wipe my memory because they didn’t find one?»

«We won’t let that happen. We’ll find a way, I’ll ask Armin»

«I don’t want to forget about you»

«We won’t let that happen. If they take me- no, listen. If they take me, they’ll make you forget. But the bond is truly a mysterious thing. Scientists keep analyzing it as if they have it all figured out, but there are many aspects of it that keep eluding the human mind. So if you were to forget about me, and they were to force a bond with someone else on you, which is the standard procedure, your original bond probably wouldn’t disappear. It’s carved in your soul, in your essence. It’s not something science can erase. Keep it always in mind»

«We should have run away when I told you» he murmured with a bitter smile, bowing his head to the wind.

«Did you say something?»

He turned his head, giving a shake of his head to Nifa.

«No, everything is alright»

She smiled at him, and when he did the same his eyes were dull and a but glassy.

That evening, when he came back to his apartment, someone was already there.

«Were you waiting for me?»

The blond man raised his head, regarding him with a tight look, before pulling away from the wall.

«Let’s talk inside»

«What’s going on?»

«…»

«Eren? Who was on the phone?»

«I have to go»

«What the hell are you talking about?»

«I won’t come anymore, okay? I don’t want them in your head. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me»

«No! Don’t you dare leave me, Eren. Even if they wipe my memory, I won’t forget. You know I won’t»

«Is this for me?»

The man was extending a letter to him, and Levi took it with weary eyes.

«It’s from Eren»

He wanted to open it. He wanted it so much his fingers were shaking, hand cramping around it, but his body was frozen.

«Are you Armin?»

The other nodded, watching Levi.

«Did you see him? Is he okay?»

«Yes. He is well hidden»

He breathed in. The out.

Eren was alive and well.

«Okay» you said, nodding, walking around the couch and sitting on it.

«Okay»

Eren watched you sleep.

He loved doing it, one of the rare moments you were truly unguarded, and your walls weren’t up to protect you. The little light seeping in through the window danced of your distended features, throwing shadows on your cheeks and in the corner of your mouth, illuminating your forehead, free from your usual frown and adorably covered from your scattered after-sex hair.

He watched you, smiling secretly, brushing your bangs just to impress on his skin a last touch, aside from a last look. He let you believe you had managed to convince him, but he knew that he couldn’t stay.

Then, he stood.

Marched toward the door, stopping at the doorstep of you room, glancing back.

«Goodbye, Levi»

He left with a whisper.

He threw the letter on the small table, drawing a pensive look out of Armin.

«I don’t care about his words, as long as he is okay. I want him»

«You want him?»

«I want to go to him, get the hell out of here» he specified.

Armin seemed to understand what he was implying, but that didn’t mean it’d be easy to convince him when Eren’s safety was in the man’s hands.

«Do you love him?»

«Yes»

«Are you ready to do whatever it-»

«Yes»

«What about your life, your friends-»

«I don’t care. And they’ll understand» he replied in order.

Armin seemed lost in thought, and Levi didn’t really care what he was thinking about as long as it would lead him to Eren. Then he’ll give that jerk a piece of his mind.

Three men in black gear and two in white coats entered his apartment and started looking around.

Panic filled you to the brim, knowing it had to have something to do with Eren. Did they find out about him? Did they take him away while he was asleep?

«Who are you? What are you- ehy!»

Those clothed in black ignored you, taking stuff from the furniture and couch -Eren’s stuff, you realized with a new wave of horror and fear.

«Don’t touch anything! Where is he? Where did you bring him?»

One of the men in the white coat, probably a doctor or a scientist, came toward you and looked at you with something akin to pity.

«That’s none of your concern, and soon you’ll agree with me on that. Please, just relax and let us do our work, everything will go back to normal in a couple of hours»

That’s when you understood what was going to happen -they were going to use the memory-tool on you. It was really happening. They were going to take every trace of Eren’s existence from your life.

«Can I ask you something?»

«Make it quick» Levi said, crossing his arms.

«How did you remember? I worked in the SP for years, and every time someone gained his memories back, it was because they were triggered by the presence of their mate, but I know Eren didn’t come here to see you once since he had to go away. How did it happen?»

The younger sighed, almost smiling, not looking at Armin’s way.

«It was that stupid cup»

«Uh?»

«The only thing belonging to Eren that they didn’t manage to take away. He left me without saying a word, hoping that not knowing where he was would keep me safe. When they raided my place searching for things with his digits on, they didn’t find any on the cup and thought it was already mine. I just used that so many times that it wasn’t his anymore, not in a tangible way»

Armin seemed to understand, expression finally distending.

«But then again…» you added, leaning your head to the side and focusing on nothing in particular, «it’s like Eren had said many times to me. The bond between soulmates is a mysterious thing, not even science can harness it completely»

The blond man couldn’t agree more.

A body was found on the side of the road next to the burning car, rendered completely unrecognizable. Scientific managed to confirm the identity after a DNA test, already hypothesized as a result of an investigation on the license plate.

Levi Ackerman, age 20, Caste D, had only recently gotten through his mating Ceremony. We are close to his mate, Nifa Meier, and his friend, in their mourning.

 Petra was inconsolable, her mate, Auruo, unable to make her stop crying. Gunther and Erd still couldn’t believe it, looking helplessly at each other.

Hanji, on the other hand, felt like she was the only one who could truly be of any comfort to them, but the truth was that she was powerless.

She couldn’t tell them Levi was okay.

She couldn’t tell them his death was faked in order for him to be with his mate again.

She couldn’t, and she wouldn’t, keeping the danger and the happiness of knowing it all for herself.

She hoped they would eventually forgive her.

«You sure look like shit»

The man at the bar counter didn’t really turn around to look at the one who addressed him, only slightly moving his head without looking away from his beer. His fingers, that had stopped upon hearing that voice, started playing with the hem of the mug again, trembling slightly.

«I’m already 26, guess it’s starting to show»

The newcomer hummed, taking the barstool on his left.

«Yeah, it took a while for me to come over»

«I know» said the man, taking a good swig of beer and wiping his mouth clean with the sleeve of his hoodie.

«Gross»

Eren started laughing, lightly at first, as if he didn’t want to be heard, until his eyes betrayed him and became lucid, a half sob leaving his throat.

The barman looked at him curiously, sending Levi a perplexed glance, but he distracted him by ordering his own drink.

«Levi, I- it’s so good to see you»

Levi was sure it was. Something was alive, in his stomach, as much his string was, fluttering and dancing in bright red now that it was reunited with Eren’s own.

«Yeah, I know» he murmured, which was is way of saying, yeah, me too.

None of them spoke for a moment, voice suddenly nowhere to be found, and Levi’s eyes wandered, unfocused. There were too many words to express his sorrow and loneliness and relief and love, but not nearly enough to say what he wanted to convey in that moment.

The barman came bake with his order, placing it in front of him and giving them the privacy they obviously needed.

«Bourbon?»

«I became quite acquainted to it while you weren’t there»

A strangled sound made his way out of Eren’s mouth, one similar both to a laugh and another sob.

«Let me guess. Erwin’s personal stock?»

«Precisely Erwin’s personal stock»

Levi managed to smile, thinking about Armin’s blond mate and the entire cabinet filled with different brands of bourbon.

Both Levi and Eren turned serious pretty soon, though, the sweetness of their reunion hiding lost somewhere between the lines. So much to lighten the mood.

They hadn’t seen each other in months, and Levi’s patience was already running thin. He wanted to scream at him, in many ways, as much as he wanted to touch him and never let go again.

«You are impatient. You are doing that thing with you finger tapping against the glass-»

«You tried to leave. You left. You said me goodbye»

«Levi-»

«No» he interrupted, nervously tipping his head back and sipping his drink. «No, I know why you think you did that, but you were wrong. You are wrong. You should have asked me to run away with you, or you should have taken me seriously when I proposed it»

«It wasn’t an option back then, you know it»

«Yes» Levi said through gritted teeth, sparing no attention to the barman moving behind the counter or the people filling the bar. «Yes, I know. But you did everything on your own»

«Had I not already ruined your life enough?»

«You are the only good thing in it, Eren»

Tears left the safety of Eren’s eyes and descended upon his cheeks, their owner wiping them angrily, nervously drinking his beer.

«I just-»

«I know. I know you are acquainted with running away alone, but there is no way I’m letting you do that again» Levi kept saying, reaching over and taking Eren’s closer hand to him. «It nearly broke me»

The older man’s fingers squeezed Levi’s with all the strength they had, and Levi let him, relief washing over him through their bond now that his mate was finally touching him.

«I’m sorry. It’s been a torture- knowing what they were going to do to you, staying away- but they were planning to take you and probably use you like they did with my parents, and I couldn’t- if they took me that would have been one thing, but-»

Levi brought their hands against his lips and kissed the back of Eren’s one, reverently, meeting his gaze for the first time since he arrived there. His eyes were exactly like he remembered them -exotic, bright, of impossible colors, looking right through him and making every single one of his nerves feel alive.

«I’m aware of it all. Still, you should have told me, instead of disappearing like that. You’ll have to do a lot to gain my trust again and show me that you are sorry. Right now, I just want you to take me home and make love to me»

Eren shivered, never once breaking eye contact. Levi’s other hand was on his cheek in seconds, and the older man kissed his palm without even thinking, once, twice, nuzzling against it.

«Yes, sir»

[aeneasx]

The Perfect Boyfriend For Each Zodiac Sign

Aries woman (March 21 – April 19)

The Aries lady is a bold, fierce woman with a staunch sense of independence. She’s also stable and logical. She has a good head on her shoulders and the energy to take on whatever life throws at her.

Date:

Cancer: The Cancer man is charming and highly attracted to the high energy of the Aries gal. He enjoys the challenge of dating the complex Aries and brings out the best in her.

Pisces: He is sensitive to the emotions of the Aries girl, and his trustworthiness will go far with her.

Don’t date:

Gemini: Don’t be fooled! The passion may be WHITE HOT, but the Gemini man is too fiery and emotional for the level-headed Aries girl.

Leo: He’s too intense and dominating for the independent Aries. These two signs will always repel each other.

Taurus woman (April 20 – May 20)

The Taurus woman loves to indulge in the finer things in life. She is a gal who gets a kick out of luxury. She’s also a committed lover and friend. She will always keep you guessing with her gentle mystery.

Date:

Taurus: For the Taurus woman, a Taurus man can be a true soulmate. The matching signs align on a fundamental and beautifully passionate level.

Cancer: The Cancer guy can meet the highly sensitive needs of the Taurus girl. They complement each other and feed off each other’s highly emotional energies.

Don’t date:

Leo: The Leo is too demanding for the Taurus and her love of leisure. He will likely grow bored of her easy-going lifestyle, and she will grow resentful of his constant need for stimulation.

Sagittarius: The Taurus girl has nothing in common with the Sagittarius man. She is too relaxed; he is too set in his ways.

Gemini woman (May 21 – June 20)

The Gemini girl is wistful and romantic. Never jaded by the world, she is pure of heart and always a true believer in love. She is versatile, adventurous and friendly. She is very likable and can make friends no matter where she is.

Date:

Cancer: The Cancer man is looking for his one true love, and the Gemini woman is looking for the man to make her his girl. These romantic signs understand each other to the core.

Libra: Both signs enjoy physical and mental stimulation. They will never tire of each other. He is independent, and she is flexible. They complement each other.

Don’t date:

Scorpio: A Gemini is too easygoing and relaxed for the fiery Scorpio man. He gets too jealous and tires her out. The Gemini girl craves stability.

Virgo: The Virgo man is far too quiet for the Gemini girl. It will drive her insane.

Cancer woman (June 21 – July 22)

She is ambitious but always kind. She is attracted to people who share in her passions. She tends to be a bit on the sensitive side, but this is due to her high level of emotional intelligence. She has a great sense of humor and enjoys making others laugh.

Date:

Libra: The Libra man is stable and self-assured. He likes balance in both his professional and personal life. He is highly compatible with the Cancer girl because he can level her out and make her feel secure.

Taurus: The Taurus guy is steady and down-to-earth. Given the Cancer gal’s high proclivity for emotion, he’s the kind of guy to chill her out.

Don’t date:

Scorpio: He is too passionate and intense for the fired-up Cancer. Both signs can be jealous, and this does not make for a suitable match.

Virgo: Both signs are shy about expressing themselves, though they both feel things a great deal. The lack of proper communication can spell disaster for this twosome.

Leo woman (July 23 – August 22)

The Leo girl has an ego, and she knows it. She likes to be adored. When she finds love, she is extremely loyal and steadfast. She makes a strong partner for the softer signs and a great match for the equally vivacious.

Date:

Gemini: He is a kind-hearted gentleman who will always make the Leo girl feel loved. He admires her steely personality and appreciates her hardheadedness.

Scorpio: Like the Leo girl he loves, he is passionate, but he never dominates. Both signs have a keen sense of loyalty. Once bound, these two cannot be separated.

Don’t date:

Aquarius: The Aquarius man gives himself too freely to the Leo girl. She would swallow him whole. She needs someone who can stand up to her and never cave.

Capricorn: The free-spirited nature of the Capricorn guy is at odds with the highly motivated Leo girl. She will want him to adhere to a structure that the Capricorn simply cannot abide by.

Virgo woman (August 23 – September 22)

The Virgo girl gets lost inside of her own thoughts. She is thoughtful and quiet. The darling Virgo is secretly very vulnerable and tries her best to hide it. She is hard to read at times, but once she’s won over, she’ll be yours forever.

Date:

Libra: The Libra man is steadfast in his convictions. When he sets his sights on our Virgo girl, he will not stop until he has captured her heart. He is logical and caring. He would never break her heart.

Capricorn: The Capricorn will pull the Virgo woman from her shell. He is not intimidated by her mysterious and guarded nature. Once the Virgo gives in to him, she will open up and reveal her true, marvelous self.

Don’t date:

Cancer: With both signs veering toward intense sensitivity, it can be hard for the two to function in a couple. The Virgo girl is more adapt to solid grounded signs.

Pisces: Like the Virgo, the Pisces man is meek. The two could likely not make it through one successful date without an overload of unwanted nerves.

Libra woman (September 23 – October 22)

Libra is the most self-aware sign in the zodiac. The Libra woman knows what she wants and won’t stop until she gets it. She is logical and balanced. She will never settle for anything other than the best. She is driven, grounded and great with communication.

Date:

Sagittarius: The Sagittarius man is an unlikely — but happy — match for the hardheaded Libra woman. He is a free spirit, and she is Alpha, but together they just work. He opens her mind to the world, and she brings him back down to earth. They join together when their incredible minds meet in harmony.

Leo: Both the Leo man and the Libra girl are fiercely loyal. She checks his ego, and he challenges her with his playfulness. The Leo and Libra are true soulmates.

Don’t date:

Capricorn: The Capricorn man is too directionless for the goal-oriented Libra girl. The Libra woman sees his sense of adventure and freedom as laziness. While the chemistry is often there, the passion tends to burn out quickly.

Pisces: The Libra lady has zero tolerance for the highly sensitive Pisces. She is unabashedly honest, and he cannot take that kind of forth rightfulness.

Scorpio woman (October 23 – November 21)

The Scorpio is the most challenging of the signs. She is highly emotional, jealous and passionate. Her demands are great both mentally and physically. Her sexual appetite is often overwhelming, and her dark sense of humor and sharpened tongue can be misunderstood. She is an intense woman, but if captured, will rock your world.

Date:

Capricorn: The Capricorn’s critical thinking skills and patience make him an ideal guy for the imaginative and fearless Scorpio girl. The Capricorn and Scorpio just genuinely enjoy each other’s company. The sexual chemistry between these two signs is incredible and won’t fizzle out any time soon.

Leo: The Leo and Scorpio feed off each other’s passion. The Leo man is captured by the lusty zeal of the Scorpio’s love, and she feels grounded in his loyalty but balanced by his independence. These two signs are a match made in the stars.

Don’t date:

Scorpio: A Scorpio man would do well to steer clear of his female Scorpio counterpart. This sign is so full of intensity that adding more fuel to the flames is dangerous. The physical connection between the two is legendary, but the romance is toxic.

Gemini: The Gemini man is too romantic for the intense Scorpio. She thinks he’s cheesy; he finds her dangerously erotic. The Gemini guy becomes transfixed on the Scorpio, which makes her feel smothered.

Sagittarius woman (November 22 – December 21)

The Sagittarius girl knows no fear. She is the queen of adventure and freedom. She is a zero drama kind of woman. Above all else, she will always follow her heart — wherever it leads. When it comes to love, she’s looking for someone to share in her adventures and conquer the world with her.

Date:

Aries: People born under Aries and Sagittarius are social butterflies with a taste for adventure. They are fun-loving and easygoing, and they rarely deal with relationship drama. An Aries and Sagittarius pairing is filled to the brim with love and joy.

Aquarius: An Aquarius man may not be a forever match for the Sagittarius woman, but he will always help her grow as a person. He thrives on her thirst for adventure, and they both enjoy a wild and inventive sex life.

Don’t date:

Taurus: The Taurus man will never see eye-to-eye with the Sagittarius girl. He prefers to stick close to the land and home while she only wishes to fly free. The Taurus man’s need for stability will be uprooted by the Sagittarius’ nomadic existence.

Virgo: The Virgo man needs order and constant reassurance. The Sagittarius girl will not be able to fit the bill. She is busy looking ahead while he is too busy living in the present.

Capricorn woman (December 22 – January 19)

The Capricorn is goal-oriented but fun-loving. She has a fantastic sense of humor. She is often serious and introverted, but she possesses a lot of patience and awesome problem-solving skills. She is good at seeing the big picture and is dedicated to her path.

Date:

Pisces: While the Pisces sensitive nature may seem him an unlikely match for the Capricorn girl, the two signs are actually a perfect match. The Capricorn helps to stabilize the uneasy Pisces while also providing herself with a sense of security. The Pisces man helps to bring a little light into the serious Capricorn’s world.

Virgo: The Virgo man is the Capricorn girl’s soulmate. Neither sign is fraught with passion or emotion, but the deep-seated love between the Virgo and Capricorn is undeniable. Though their union often sails on a placid sea, they delight in the comforts of one another.

Don’t date:

Leo: The Leo man is a handful, and the Capricorn girl does not need such an unpredictable partner. He needs to be the center of attention, and she has far more important things on her mind. The Capricorn woman may come off as cold to the ego-rich Leo man, but really she is just practical.

Aries: The Aries guy and Capricorn girl could not be more at odds. He is lighthearted and carefree where she is prudent and logical. The Capricorn girl needs a partner who is focused on the future, and the Aries guy is too busy living for the next great adventure.

Aquarius woman (January 20 – February 18)

The Aquarius woman is always moving forward. She is a natural creative and always looking for improvement and innovation. She does not like to be placed inside a box. While she appears extraverted, she often has trouble showing her true feelings. She values her freedom and the ability to move without being tied down.

Date:

Libra: The Libra guy fits easily with the flexible Aquarius. Both signs love being social and outgoing. The Libra man appreciates the Aquarius woman’s need for creativity and intelligent pursuits, and the two find each other’s company stimulating and exciting.

Gemini: Both signs are decidedly charming. When together, they have the power to corner the attention of any room. The sex between these two signs is amazing, since both lean a bit on the wild side. The Gemini guy is possibly the only sign that can hold down an Aquarius girl forever.

Don’t date:

Scorpio: The Scorpio man is too wrapped up in jealousy to comfortably date the Aquarius girl. She is not willing to be tamed, and her flightiness proves too much for the demanding Scorpio. The Aquarius soon grows indifferent to his intensity, and he becomes enraged by her lack of commitment.

Pisces: The Pisces man is too demanding for the free-spirited Aquarius. Like the Scorpio man, the Pisces man needs a lot of attention and care. He is dependent, and she is untethered. The Aquarius woman can only function in a relationship with a partner as independent as she is.

Pisces Woman (February 19 – March 20)

The Pisces girl is difficult to understand. She is sensitive and emotional and observant. She is a creative, and she’s always in the middle of making something. She is shy, sweet and often a bit scatterbrained. She is a thinker and a feeler.

Date:

Cancer: Like his Pisces girl, the Cancer man is compassionate. Both partners are in tune with their emotions and feel safe enough with each other to share themselves completely. The Cancer man is a natural protector, and the Pisces warms to this need. The love these two signs share is fluid and long-lasting.

Capricorn: The Capricorn is not put off by the Pisces’ tendency toward dreaminess and lack of focus. He provides a much-needed foundation for her to hold on to. He finds her sweet and sensitive nature endearing, and she finds his wisdom and logic very appealing.

Don’t date:

Gemini: The Gemini is too candid for the easily heartbroken Pisces. His filter-less repertoire may be too much for the sweet and sensitive Pisces, causing her feelings to get hurt. She is more suited to a sensitive sign to make her feel secure. The Gemini man is too free-spirited for a sign that needs constant reassurance of his love.

Libra: The Libra man’s logical nature is ill-suited for the Pisces woman. In arguments, he brings up the cold hard facts, reducing her to tears. His need for social stimulation will drive the Pisces girl crazy, as she is more comfortable in her solitude.

[ofthedivinekrp-blog]

Did you hear? BANG JAEHYUN, the nineteen year old STUDENT/BARISTA, was spotted in downtown Yeoshin. We heard they’re a descendant of VENUS is known for having the ability(s) of LUST EMBODIMENT. If you look closely, they have an uncanny resemblance to BTS’ JEON JEONGGUK.

* . ✧ ˙ ˖ — and deep down in the soul, something rises, knowing well that what made us is what could be our demise.

Venus is the Roman goddess whose functions encompassed love, beauty, desire, sex, fertility, prosperity and victory. In Roman mythology, she was the mother of the Roman people through her son, Aeneas, who survived the fall of Troy and fled to Italy. Venus was central to many religious festivals, and was revered in Roman religion under numerous cult titles.

The Romans adapted the myths and iconography of her Greek counterpart Aphrodite for Roman art and Latin literature. In the later classical tradition of the West, Venus becomes one of the most widely referenced deities of Greco-Roman mythology as the embodiment of love and sexuality.

* . ✧ ˙ ˖ — we are capable, pressured into valiant things, able to do what others can’t in this foreign land.

Jaehyun has the ability of Lust embodiment, the ability to embody all forms of sex, lust, and arousal. From this, he’s able to gain power from the apparent lust emanating from others, as well as himself. While Venus was the Goddess of a vast amount of qualities, Beauty and Sexual Desire were two of her main abilities. She was a pillar for many in this regard, though Jaehyun’s own doesn’t hold a candle. While he’s well-aware of capabilities, the youth is still learning, and has only since barely mastered its main properties. There’s a certain selfishness that comes to his abilities, mixed foul with his traits and he knows it. But from what stems of this power, many would consider him a sexual master, due to further applications that derive from it–spanning from heightened stamina, to sex specialty.

Despite having mastered some of its applications, the power can quickly go out of his control depending on the situation. Particular in light of emotional circumstances, or high powered ones, Jaehyun can unintentionally invoke its applications and find himself falling into its whole. He can become a mess of emotion and a sex addicted monster at the best of times.

* . ✧ ˙ ˖ — as stories told, legends passed, languages spread, we start to forget who were before.

triggers in the following passage: Depression, mental instability, suicide, death, adoption, bullying, sex addiction.

His parents were your picture perfect couple, the type bragged about in lifestyle magazines–with their expensive yet humble possessions, gleaming smiles and eyes that lit up the world when they shared a glance. A couple of dreamers, who wanted nothing more than a child to call their own, to further their romance and install some spare love into another being. They had succeeded in the process, of course. It had been steady, Doctors telling them that they were to birth a healthy child–that complications were of no concern. They were nothing but smiles and sweet laughter, until the nine month mark hit and that twinkling laughter turned to sobs. Jaehyun had been born, as healthy as a newborn could be. But at a cost, his mother had died sometime after labour, after having held her child for a matter of moments.

Thus left two. Has father had succumb to grief, hardly having time to look after his child. He became forgetful, reserved. Family friends were usually the ones to come over, simply to look after Jaehyun through his stages of development. He was thankful for that, for those who spared their time to think of him while his father had neglected to do so. But, it didn’t take long before his father had had enough. Days spent without his “soulmate” had hollowed him out entirely, made him forget that the world existed without her and for a moment, he’d considered ending it all. Except it didn’t stop at consideration. And that’s when Jaehyun, only just old enough to speak full sentences, had found his father laying on his bed, not breathing and as pale as snow. Suspected suicide, they’d called it.

From then on, Jaehyun was sent to an orphanage. The relatives that had once looked after him, had not signed for care, and thus laid the only option left. It didn’t affect the boy, though. In fact, being forced to interact with other children his own age was a benefit. He’d been socially inept before, due to his withdrawal from his father. Conversation had never flowed then. He wasn’t the most social of kids during his time at the orphanage, but he’d gotten far better. That didn’t stop the bullying, though. As with anything, there’s always a hierarchy. It just so happened Jaehyun was at the bottom of the food chain here. The elder kids felt it best to consistently tease his inability to socialise, to pick on his background, to throw him down as a lesson. He’d just taken it, without moving a muscle nor speaking against it. A blank slate.

It continued as such. Bruises painting his porcelain skin constantly–to which didn’t help when it came to bullies twice as difficult in school. Only when it came to high school, did he develop a backbone. During the first years, he’d been painted as a bad boy due to his apparent social phobia. He’d spend every moment alone, and would remain silent during class. Decked in dark clothing, completely oblivious to the world around him. It was because of this mysteriousness, he was dubbed a problem child. He’d still keep his mouth shut in light of those same bullies, but he was stronger now, physically. He could counter demand, and avert attention with little more than shoves and the like–the occasional punch when necessary. Lord knows how many times were was temporarily suspended due to the amount of fights he’d gotten into. Perhaps a trigger for his depression. The loneliness of it all. As if the world was against him. And maybe it was.

That’s when his power had made itself obvious. Instead of seeking out conversation, he instead took to seeking out company through sexual means. Meeting upperclassmen behind the school with a quick five minutes. Pulling boys out of the corridor into closets. He’d garnered a reputation for himself. The consistent one-night-stands and quickies weren’t helping with the names. With the quick jabs sent his way. He seemed to manifest sexual attraction no matter what. Even the straightest of men would find himself taken by Jaehyun. And he revelled in it, couldn’t help but feel good about it. Fed his ego like nothing else, and he ran with it too well.

Towards the end of high school, he was a near completely different person. Cocky and proud, disruptive. The school playboy. He lived up to the name and then some, used his apparent power to his own selfish and greedy needs. Until he was caught. It was funny, really. How the headmaster had walked in on Jaehyun and his teacher, the latter bent over a desk. Of course, the teacher got fired for sexual misconduct. Jaehyun suffered a similar fate. Luckily, it had happened little before graduation. Luck was seemingly on his side.

But he couldn’t stay. He’d had enough of repetitive routines, having already left the orphanage after surpassing legal age. The next step was obvious, and he’d found himself finding education at Yeoshin. His old self remained, though. Entirely too self-worthy, sarcastic and sex addicted. Most of which was used as a mask to shy other away from the timid boy beneath. He’d found work, dedicated himself to study, found himself craving sex far too much for words. And it was that same addiction that was quickly becoming his downfall. While he could control some attributes, he struggled with most. The power was more-so controlling him over anything.

[winedwords]

Finn| Bad Intentions |Balor

Title; Bad Intentions

Pairing; Finn Balor/Reader, past Prince Devitt/Reader

Words; 6110

Summary;  Is it such a sin for me to take what’s mine?

Warnings; NSFW. Heel!Antagonist!Reader. Smut, choking, breathplay. Some angst idk? VERY unhealthy relationships. Emotional abuse, mental abuse, and grooming of a younger woman by an older man if you squint and read between the lines.

A/N: repost from the old blog

Don’t let anyone tell you anything different, I was the best in the business.

Most of my peers were loath to admit it, but I wasn’t in this to make friends.

I was at the top of my game and I had collected accolades, monikers, and titles in every promotion I had stepped foot in. I left a trail of blood, sweat, and tears in every country. No one could fucking touch me. I was the Queen of the Cage, la Reina de las Reinas, the First Lady, but none if it meant anything without him.

All the achievements, the championships, the milestones were hollow with him missing from my side. Food tasted like ash and charcoal, alcohol had no effect anymore. He was everything. He was my mentor, my best friend, the love of my life. I wouldn’t be where I am, who I am without him.  He broke me apart to rebuild me, to make me better and stronger. He pushed and pulled me to do more, to be more.

I hated him.

God, I missed him.

I missed him so much it made my bones ache and my stomach drop through the floor.  He was the sun to my moon, the lightning to my thunder. He was my other half, he made me complete.

I was a scared nineteen year old kid when I met him in 2012. It was my first time out of the United States, my first big contract and with Stardom no less, and my first time honestly being able to support myself. I didn’t know Japanese at the time, I didn’t know anyone in the country… I was well and truly alone and feeling isolated. I was slow to make friends, picking up many more rivals than I could keep track of, and it felt like more often than not I was crying myself to sleep.

My first tour hadn’t gone well, accruing more losses than wins, and I was licking my wounds in a little dive bar in Roppongi, wanting nothing more than to disappear into the worn leather of the booth. I wanted to be left alone with my sake and then he slid into the booth with me, all bright eyes with a pearly white and coaxing smile. He’d said he’d been watching me, that he thought I was special, that with just a little help, I could take over women’s wrestling.

“A pretty little thing like ya deserves th’ world. Ye don’ have ta make a decision right now. Jus’ come see what ’m talkin’ about and then make up ye mind.”

Do you know how intoxicating that is? For a man that looked like him, with the accomplishments that he’d already had at the time, to be paying attention to little, ol’ me? To be paying me a kind word and a flirtatious smile? I was a nobody who’d been given a lucky break, a green and wet behind the ears rookie fresh out of the training schools.

I was deeply under his spell within minutes.

He swept me off my feet and we ran Japan for two wonderful, whirlwind years. We fought and we fucked and we took everything we wanted without apology. He was my soulmate and we were living our version of a fairy tale.

Then it all came crashing down around us in 2014 and he was gone.

He didn’t let me explain. He ignored my phone calls, my texts, my emails. He blocked me on all social media. I couldn’t get into touch with him. I was stuck between two impossible decisions, each one as painful as the other: I either turned my back on the family I helped create to chase a man who wouldn’t listen to me or I stayed with my support system, give them hell for the position that I was now put in, and pine after what could have still been.

I chose to stay, watching with pride as my little family got bigger and more powerful, but still longing for the man on the other side of the world. I was no saint, I had my dalliances when the nights got cold and the emptiness of my bed became overwhelming, but there was never another that affected me as deeply. Acquaintances of mine gave me sporadic updates as to how he was doing, but they were nowhere near as frequent as I would have liked.

Then he began to change, washing himself clean of everything he had been in Japan, and it felt like a slap in the face. I no longer recognized him, even if this new man wore the face of the love of my life. He was showing those people the side of him that was supposed to be only for me, the side that I saw when we were wrapped up in each other in the afterglow of our lovemaking. It angered me more than anything I had ever experienced in my life. I could see little glimpses of the man he was in Japan when he wore the body paint, ruthlessly efficient with the briefest flashes of a sadistic streak.

For the first time, I had hope. He was still in there somewhere, under that good Irish lad routine.

I could work with this.

Which was why I was here, in the gorilla position at RAW in some stupid American city, with this damn oversized hoodie on to disguise my appearance. Anderson had insisted on this measure, wanting the element of surprise for this six person tag. It wasn’t like he didn’t know I was with the company now, he had successfully avoided me at every company function and at the Performance Center after all.

Tonight though, he had nowhere to run.

“Be good pipsqueak.”

Luke marched past me to the curtain, pausing just briefly enough to press a kiss to my forehead. Karl was so much less subtle, wrapping me up into a bear hug with a bellow.

“We’ll see you out there sis! God this feels good! Just like old times!”

He let me go with a booming laugh, ruffled my hair, then disappeared with Luke through the curtains as their music hit. I was left alone with my thoughts and suddenly, the nerves I didn’t know were building made themselves known with a vengeance. I hadn’t felt this way since my first show, the nauseating roll of my stomach mixed with the frantic tattoo of my heart threatening to derail all of my hard work.

No, not this close to getting what I wanted.

The sound tech nodded at me and the showing of teeth I gave barely passed for a grin, quickly shedding the oversized hoodie and replacing it with an equally overlarge leather jacket. It had been one of the few things I still had from our time together… The lights dimmed and my music started, the foreboding drum track setting the mood. The guitars hit and I passed through the curtain to the screaming crowd as my name was emblazoned above me on the titantron.

Am I beautiful? As I tear you to pieces?

The roar of the crowd was thunderous and I could feel the vibrations of their screams in my chest. Normally, the cascade of boos and/or cheers created the most intense high, but right now?  There was no time to drink it in, my eyes drawn immediately to the ring. Karl and Luke were at the end ramp, looking entirely too satisfied with themselves. I didn’t care about the other two, Rollins and Bayley, not when he was right there, looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

His face was pale, eyes wide, and mouth agape in shock and the predatory grin that took over my face couldn’t be helped. Even after all these years, I still had an effect on him. I winked and straightened his jacket with a touch so slow it could have been mistaken for a caress. I sauntered my way down the ramp, my eyes never leaving him as he leaned over to hurriedly speak with Bayley, his hand gestures frantic. Bayley appeared skeptical, but there was a touch of worry there in the set of her mouth.

Whatever Finn was saying about me was likely true.

“Oh my god. That’s (Y/N) from NXT! What is she doing here? Is she Anderson and Gallows’ partner?”

“Are you dumb Michael? Of course she’s here as their partner! She decimated the NXT Women’s division, so why not get some fresh competition on RAW?”

I slid into the ring, between the top and second ropes, my eyes never leaving Finn. I didn’t play to the crowd or acknowledge anyone else in the ring, because it felt like everything else had fell away and every fiber of my being was screaming for him.

He looked almost exactly like he did in Japan. The lines around his eyes were a little deeper, the contours of his body a little sharper, the beard a little fuller than I remembered, but it was still him. Now if only he would not look so shaken by my presence, I’d be feeling a little more confident. I could faintly feel Luke and Karl flanking me and I gave Finn a slow, exaggerated once over, completely ignoring Bayley and Seth.

“Hello handsome. It’s been a while.”

The Irishman’s jaw clenched, the muscles in his jaw ticking, and he swallowed tightly at my words. He remained silent with flinty eyes and I pouted, disappointed at the lack of a more overt reaction. I heard what sounded like the bell and I was being cajoled by Karl back into our corner.

I wasn’t really paying attention to the match. I paid no mind to the chants of the crowd or to the curious looks from Finn’s partners. I was in a daze, my eyes only focused on the lean, sinewy body of Finn and trying not to be overwhelmed by the dizzying speed with which the memories assaulted me. I was in the middle of a particularly fond memory of a beach in Okinawa and tanning oil when Karl elbowed me sharply.

Bayley, the silly girl had tagged herself in, to the protests of Finn.

I wasn’t too proud to admit that the little green monster of jealousy flared at the concern he was showing for her. It was I that was with him when Bullet Club was formed. It was I who helped him to that second Best of the Super Juniors, and then picked him back up after his failed challenge to Okada. It was I who endured his rage after losing the title to Kota Ibushi. It was I who knew the darkest parts of his soul and still worshipped him regardless. I was the only person he should be looking at like that.

She was going to regret making herself special to him.

I kept my body deceptively relaxed as I entered the ring and stared down the former Women’s champion, head cocked to the side like she was a particularly fascinating insect. Bayley seemed to be caught off guard by my perceived disinterest in actually engaging her. I stood like that for several moments while my opponent circled me, the crowd becoming increasingly confused as well.

“Do something!”

I arched my brow at her cried words and still didn’t move. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Finn’s face contort in trepidation as he began to pace in his corner and Seth’s body language appeared to be equally as anxious. It was while my eyes weren’t on her that Bayley threw a clubbing forearm, my head twisting to the side as I staggered backwards and pain blooming across my jaw. I rubbed at the sore area, a small smile pulling at the corners of my lips as I turned back to her and I could feel the all too familiar buzz in my veins.

“This isn’t anything personal. You’re just in my way.”

Her eyes went wide as I hit her across the face with a European uppercut, her body crashing to the mat. She rolled towards the ropes, the gather herself, and I cocked my head to the side, a game plan forming. I let her pull herself up using the ropes and as soon as she was up to a vertical base, I aimed a sharp kick to the arm she had braced on the top rope. The crack of my boot hitting the tender flesh of the inside of her upper arm was satisfying and so was the way Bayley cradled her arm to her body.

“Tha’ barely stung, stór. Y'need ta kick me like y'hate me. Do ye want ta be a champion or a nobody? Do it again.”

The ghost of Devitt’s words echoed in my ears and added extra force to my strikes. The buzz that was in my veins began to intensify, the blows of my elbows, knees, and palms connecting with Bayley with the most satisfying sound of flesh striking flesh. It’s hard for anyone to get an offense going when they’re curled in on themselves, looking for any sort of reprieve in this kind of assault. Luke and Karl were behind me yelling encouragement and I could have sworn I smelled blood in the water.

“Yer hips are outta position again stupid girl. Yer never goin’ ta get the height on tha’ suplex and yer opponent will use it against ya. ’m not gonna fookin’ tell ya third time.”

Something as elementary as a suplex was what tripped me up. My hips weren’t positioned underneath Bayley’s, nor were they square enough to lift her. The former champion sensed it and was able to reverse my attempt at a German suplex into one of her own. I landed heavily on my shoulders, my head pounding against the mat, and I could have sworn I saw stars. Fuck, not like this. I had too much to prove.

A moment passed, then I realized over the roar of the crowd in attendance that she wasn’t making a pin attempt.

She began to crawl her way towards her corner, her hand stretching towards her teammates to tag someone, anyone in. Bayley’s digits were just mere inches from touching Finn’s outstretched hand in a tag, but she was just a hair too slow as I caught her by her boots.

“No one is goin’ ta help ya. Th’ queen’s job is ta protect th’ king. Remember yer role and don’t ask me again.”

“Won’t you help her Finn? She needs you!” I jerked Bayley back by her foot violently, before grabbing her outstretched arm and waving it mockingly in his direction. “Save her Finn!”

The boos and screams of disapproval made my blood sing.

Finn’s face was stony and Seth was yelling at the referee about sportsmanship as I grabbed Bayley by her ponytail and pulled her to the middle of the ring. I gave a small giggle before attempting to lock in a cross armbreaker.  I wasn’t quite fast enough as she locked her hands together and I couldn’t pry them apart. Sweat was burning at my eyes and my muscles were screaming, but I pushed it all aside as I kicked a boot to her face and got back to my feet.

I needed to end this.

Bayley was like dead weight and it was a struggle to get her to her feet, but I was able to manage it. I grabbed a fistful of her now loose ponytail and jerked her head upwards as I turned to make eye contact with Finn.

“Ye take what y'want. And make a fookin’  statement when ya do it. Now come and give me some lovin’.”

The feral grin couldn’t be pushed off of my face as I held my index finger and thumb to my opponent’s temple in a mimicry of a gun. Finn snarled, but it was already too late. I pulled Bayley up into Bloody Sunday and sent her crashing to the mat, quickly floating over for the pin.

Luke and Karl had snuck around the ring to pull both Finn and Seth off the apron to prevent them from breaking up the cover.

One.

Two.

Three.

“’m so proud of ya, stór. So fookin’ proud.”

He approached me a couple minutes after the match, in a seemingly abandoned hallway. It didn’t matter that he had a thundercloud over his head and an angry purpose in his walk. I lit up with a sunny smile when I realized I was his sole focus and God, did it feel good to be the only thing he could see again.

“Hey handsome! Are you proud of me? That was a really good match, wasn’t it? I did good right?”

I could feel myself practically vibrating with nervous energy and anticipation. He was here, in front of me, and I had his undivided attention and I was blind to his anger.

“What th’ fook is wrong with ya, (Y/N)? That wasn’t a match, that was ye tryin’ ta hurt Bayley!”

I blinked, confused. Why was he so concerned about Bayley?  I beat her, that’s what mattered to Dev- Finn.

“But I won? That’s what you told me always mattered. Besides, I’m here now! We can be like we were!”

He shook his head, a wan smile on his face. “Un-fookin-believable. Is that what ye really think?”

I knew he would be different, I just didn’t know that it would be like this. The hurt and the confusion pumped through me, my brows furrowed.

“I don’t understand Devitt. What has this place done to you? You make a little more money and then you go soft? Or do you just not believe in yourself anymore?”

“’m not Devitt anymore. It’s been a long time (Y/N), ’m not the same man ye knew in Japan.”

I snorted derisively, venom on the tip of my tongue. The hurt remained, but the confusion was quickly morphing into anger. He didn’t see it, he would always be Devitt. You don’t just throw away pieces of your personality, of yourself, simply because you’re afraid of it.

“That much is clear. The man I knew in Japan was fearless, he took what he wanted and when he wanted it. He didn’t care about how he got it or what the fans thought about him,” I spat the words like they were something disgusting at him. “The man I knew in Japan wouldn’t have become this castrated shadow  that’s standing in front of me.”

Finn’s face went slack for just a moment, the barest of moments, in shock before the fire sparked in his eyes and his visage twisted into an angry snarl.

“Ye don’t get ta say shit like that ta me. Not after what ya did.”

I felt like I had been slapped, the air rushing from my lungs. I knew we’d be discussing this eventually, but like this? So soon? And in an empty fucking hallway?

“If you would have let me explain after it happened instead of shutting me out like a child, you would have known that I wasn’t involved! They didn’t tell me any-”

“But ya still stayed with them! Ya still stayed and ya did nothing. If that doesn’t tell me all I need ta know about it, I don’t know what will.”

The anger that bubbled within me was swift and all consuming.

“I had no other choice Dev- Finn! Was I supposed to turn my back on people that you made like family to me? To be alone again? Would that have made you happy? Would you have spoken to me then? ”

His bark of laughter was condescending and for a moment, just a moment, I thought it was the man I fell in love with in front of me. The cold cruelty and the rapier tongue, the vicious sneer and the calculating eyes… Beneath the burn of anger in my veins, my heart swelled with hope. He was still there.

“Family? Do ye fuck the new head of the family to welcome them? Did ya call AJ daddy? How long did it take for ya to hop inta Omega’s bed? Or maybe Cole’s more yer taste, ya do like them pret-”

The crack of the slap echoed through the hallway, Finn’s head snapping to the side from the force of my palm striking his cheek. The palm of my hand felt numb from the force of the slap and I could have sworn I heard the barest of growls escaping from Finn’s mouth, but I continued, any sense of self preservation fleeing in the face of my own fury.

“Don’t you fucking dare. Don’t you ever doubt how I feel about you. Nothing ever happened with Styles or Cole. And where do you get off trying to pull that shit? Like you’ve been a fucking saint since Japan. I know all about the rats.”

Finn touched the angry red handprint on his cheek, rubbing at it tenderly.

“So it was Omega then. ‘ow did I know? Figures ye’d go fer someone as mentally fooked as you.”

My vision tinged red.

With a shriek I launched myself at him, fingers outstretched in a crude imitation of claws, with every intention of gouging those pretty blue eyes out.

Gallows, from seemingly out of nowhere, materialized, wrapped his arms around my waist mid air, and proceeded to frog march me out of the hall. Ever so faintly, from behind me as I was flailing helplessly in the much taller man’s arms, I could hear Anderson trying to talk Finn down from the rage he was inevitably in.

I caught Gallows’ muttered words though, the anger fleeing my body and a feeling of satisfaction settling into my bones, and I just knew that I looked like the cat who caught a canary.

“God, it’s like we’re in Japan all over again.”

Several weeks went on like that. I was the cat and he was the mouse and God, did I enjoy the chase. There was just something so primal and satisfying about this. I would show up at ringside for his matches, never interfering, but just watching. I made sure to get underfoot whenever he was going anywhere, always with an offer of help and a smile. We were even arguing with each other again, which was something I always looked forward to.

Fale used to joke that arguing and fighting was practically foreplay for us.

He was a little rattled at first.

I was wearing him down, I just knew I was.

He had called me stór during one of our many arguments.  He’d visited me, ever so briefly, in the training room when it was thought that I sustained a concussion in a match with Banks. When he thought I was asleep on a flight, Finn had walked by and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear.

Finn seemed to be changing as well. His temper was shorter, which was leading him to become more easily frustrated in matches. On more than one occasion, I had tracked the Irishman’s eyes to a chair or to the ramp. I had even caught him looking like he was about to call to me for assistance when I was at ringside during a house show. He seemed to have realized what he was about to do as well, because he looked like he swallowed a lemon.

Things escalated one Monday night, in the dead of summer.

Finn was on his way to the title match with Brock and that pesky swamp man kept getting in the way. Wyatt made my skin crawl and just meeting his eyes once was enough for me to start checking behind me in dark hallways and parking lots. So it was with a great deal of dread that I made the decision that I did when it was apparent that Wyatt had brought lackeys with him to interrupt Finn’s match.

The lights had cut and then that eerie music began to play for just a moment.

Then the music cut and there was just darkness.

I was in the back watching on a screen, Anderson and Gallows nowhere to be seen, and the hair immediately began to stand on the back of my neck. This wasn’t good and I couldn’t leave him out there alone without backup.

The lights came up and I was out of the dressing room like a shot out of the barrel of a gun.

Wyatt and his two large masked lackeys were in the ring, Finn surrounded, and Reigns knocked out cold on the floor.

I at least had the wherewithal to grab a steel pipe on my way to the ring.

The crowd was confused, exploding into simultaneous cheers and boos as I charged down the ramp to the ring, where Wyatt was laughing and not paying me any mind.

Which was fine by me.

I slid into the ring and swung for the fences into one of the mask wearing lackey’s abdomens. The vibrations up the pipe from the force of the strike hurt my hands, but I couldn’t stop. There were three of them and one of me, Finn and Reigns being of no help after their beatdowns. Wyatt was relaxed against the ring post, his head cocked to the side with a the strangest grin on his face. The second masked goon charged, his arm held out for a clothesline.  The one thing I did have going for me was  agility and I was able to duck underneath the thick arm, to pivot and strike at the man’s low back.

The way the man dropped was only satisfying for a moment.

I had turned my back to Wyatt and when I turned around, I was kicked in the stomach, the air rushing out of me audibly and the pipe dropping from my hand. Before I was able to recover, I was bent backwards into a horrifying dip. Air was still a precious resource and the lack of it limited my struggles as Wyatt laughed, then he pressed a scratchy kiss to my forehead.

I thought I heard a shout from where Finn lay, then darkness.

The world came back to me just a moment later, with Gallows’ worried face swimming in my vision.

“What the hell, pipsqueak?”

I went to laugh, but I groaned at the pounding in my skull. Medics came to attend to me and I waved them off. It was going to take more than that to keep me down and needing medical attention. Groaning, I moved to sit up in an upright position.

“’m fine ’m fine. Finn, is Finn okay?”

Gallows’ barked laugh startled me and made my head throb, but he was shaking his head with a fond grin and he leaned back onto his heels.

“I guess some things never do change. See for yourself.”

It was then, over the dull roar of the crowd, that I could make out the accented shouts that could only be from one person and my heart swelled painfully as I turned towards them. For a moment, it’s like I was back in Japan.

“Did ye really think ye’d get away with this? ’m gonna rip ya to fookin’ pieces!”

Old Machine Gun, bless him, was attempting to hold back an absolutely enraged Irishman who just so happened to be wielding the steel pipe I had dropped. Wyatt was laughing maniacally at ringside, security surrounding him and his two masked lackeys. Off on the other end of the ring, the medical staff were tending to a groggy looking Reigns. Luke put a thick arm around my frame and hoisted me to my feet, mumbling the entire time about how the last time this happened, Captain New Japan was in the hospital for a week.

“The queen always comes to protect the king, Balor! Just like I knew she would!”

The roar that tore out of Finn’s body was damn near inhuman and he lunged forward towards the ropes, the pipe at the ready. Karl cursed, leaning into the Irishman to keep him from attempting to commit murder. My blood buzzed pleasantly at the way that he seemed so intent on caving in Wyatt’s skull, seemingly because the other man had mentioned me.

“Easy there Finnegan! Hey! Hey cool it man! She’s up and moving!”

He whirled around, seemingly possessed, with eyes ablaze and the steel pipe at the ready.

Those molten blue-gray eyes made contact with mine and time seemed to slow. Everyone else fell away and it felt the only two people in an arena of fifteen thousand was Finn and I. Electricity crackled in the air and through my body and Finn took a hesitant step forward, hesitation and uncertainty clear in his body language. He was angry (with both myself and the creepy swamp man, no doubt), concerned with how heavily I was leaning on Gallows, and for the first time, in a long time, lust.

“Don’t you ever doubt me again.”

I had to be helped both backstage and to the hotel room that night.

My head was pounding and my neck was painfully stiff. I’d been here before, no amount of compresses or painkillers would help, just sleep and time. Gallows and Anderson hovered like burly mother hens until I threatened to smother them with pillows and then they mercifully left. I had been cleared of a concussion by the medical staff, there was no need for this, especially when we had been in Japan together and they’d seen me in much, much more dangerous situations.

I had to force myself to take a shower after that. Every movement was a struggle, the little twinges of pain constant and annoying. Each time I blinked, I saw Finn on the inside of my eyelids. The way his face had set in determination when I had spoken to him tonight, the fierce brightness in his eyes, the way every muscle in his body seemed to be tensed in preparation for something…

Sleep was within my reach, curled up on the too soft mattress in an overly large t-shirt, limbs heavy when I was unceremoniously pulled from the world of dreams by a series of heavy knocks at the hotel door. I groaned, pulling a pillow over my head. Maybe if just ignored whoever it was at the door, they would take the hint and leave.

Luck was not on my side, as the knocks became louder and so much more insistent. I punched at the pillowy mattress with a growl before vaulting myself off the bed and stomping to the door, my mood fouling with each step. If it was Gallows or Anderson, I was going to take more than a pound of flesh.

My heart stuttered and my breath caught as I peered into the peephole.

Dev- Finn. Finn was outside of my room. His face was dark and unreadable, his body language tense and filled with barely restrained energy.

My fingers shook as I unlatched the locks on the door and I could feel sweat beginning to bead along my hairline.

As soon as the hotel room door was open enough to face Finn, he was suddenly surrounding me. There were no words spoken, not when his mouth was moving almost viciously against mine, all teeth and tongue. One hand had a bruising grip against my hips, the other cradling my face tenderly, and then my back hit the wall with a thud. I could have sobbed at the sudden rush of emotion and arousal.

He’d come home. 

“Can’t stay away from ya anymore.”

The words were murmured against my mouth, as he made short work of large, worn sleeping shirt I was wearing. The cotton fabric gave way underneath his large hands, the delicate lace of my panties shredding with ease, the elastic of the waistband biting into the flesh of my hips before it gave way. The sting of the elastic made me gasp and Finn took that opportunity to place biting kisses along the sensitive skin of my neck. The feel of his lips and teeth sent a livewire of arousal to my core, the flesh between my thighs becoming uncomfortably slick.

The hand on my hip traveled to my core and dipped in, to test to see if I was ready. His sudden touch on my overheated flesh sent me arching against him with a lusty whimper and the smirk on his face alone was enough to bring me to the brink of an orgasm. There was a rustle of clothing and then my right leg was being lifted to loop around his hip, the thick and blunt head of his cock pressing against the opening to my core.

“P-please Finn. Missed this, missed you!” I barely recognized my own voice in the high pitched whine that squeaked out of me. His hips snapped forward sharply giving me no time to adjust, the sudden stretch right at that razor’s edge of pleasure blending into pain.

“Yer gonna wanna hold on, stór.”

I scrambled to grasp his shoulders, forced onto tip toes to keep this angle that made me pant with pleasure. Finn, somehow after all this time, was still able to find that one spot hidden inside of me that made my toes curl and my fingernails dig into his shoulders. His breath was labored and he littered bites along my neck and shoulders. With every new mark, I could feel my orgasm creeping closer and closer.

He wrapped a large hand around my throat and leaned in to mutter filth about how much he missed this and how I felt so much better than he remembered. The pressure on my neck was mounting with every snap of his hips, air becoming more precious and my vision going fuzzy.

“Scream fer me. We’re jus’ gettin’ started.”

His hand came off of my throat and I came apart with a scream, just as I was commanded.

He was exactly as I remembered, completely insatiable. No surface in that small hotel room went unused, the bed being saved for the last two rounds. I fell asleep with my head over his heart, deliciously sore and sated with a soft smile.

He came back.

I woke up to an empty bed the next morning.

“One! Two! Three! He did it! Finn Balor has taken back the championship he never lost!”

I had never been so proud of him.

I hadn’t seen him since that stolen night in the hotel less than a week ago. He had been successful in avoiding me, my little black heart tugged painfully at the possible thought that what had happened was our final hurrah.

“Do you wanna go congratulate him pipsqueak?”

My head snapped to Gallows, who was watching me with soft eyes and a knowing smile on his face. The big man was deceptively perceptive and he seemed to prefer it when people underestimated him. He’d never once corrected anyone, preferring to let others just think he’s muscle.

“Can we?”

The words came out a little bit more earnest than I intended to, but Gallows just gave a grin and shouted at Machine Gun to come on out, that we were going to give Balor an early victory celebration. Karl gave a woop of excitement, hurrying everyone out the door of the dressing room.

It’s as we were making our way to the gorilla position, that the monitors showed we weren’t the only ones with the same idea. Ambrose, Reigns, and Rollins had joined the new champion in the ring, appearing to both congratulate him and throw their name into the metaphorical ring for a title shot.

The heads of the four men snapped towards the ramp as the Club’s music hit and we started down the ramp. The former members of the Shield were tense, clearly preparing for a confrontation, but Finn… Finn was pretending to be ready for a fight.

I knew him better than I knew myself. I was able to read every mood, every subtle shift in body language. It was part of the reason our relationship was so turbulent in the past, we knew exactly where to needle each other. He was putting on a front for the three other men, but why?

Then I saw it.

The barest of winks. The smile that split across my face could only be described as maniacal.

Not only had he come back home, he was coming back home completely whole.

I knew my Prince would come back.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @romant1cs

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are uranus, the moon and mars. you are a very empathetic and emotional person, you are very sensitive and people could even call you a crybaby. you can have frequent mood swings, but on the other hand you're a very caring person who's both emotionally and logically intelligent. you are driven to achieve your goals, you're independent and also very original.

your dominant sign is aries. you may have a reputation for being impulsive and straight-forward. you don't like beating around the bush, especially when people purposely get on your nerves. on the other hand, you're very loyal and generous when it comes to your loved ones. you're very opinionated, and you always wanna make sure that your voice is heard. you're proud of yourself.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and indipendence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in gemini, 26° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive. this placement helps you being adaptable to changes, you may also be able to match the energy of the people you’re talking to in order to be perceived as more likeable and connect with everyone on a deeper level. you may be so focused on making up your emotions, that you could forget to feel them, though. this may eventually cause crisis in an individual. you may be fond of books, poetry, literature… both writing and reading. it’s also a way to let yourself tune to your emotions. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. appearance-wise, I assume you’re at least of average height, with long limbs and fingers. you have something small about your face; you may either have a small nose, or eyes, lips etc. same thing goes for your bones. you may be naturally skinny. you also tend to look younger than you actually are, especially when growing up. you could have busy eyebrows with very striking eyes, and your nose may be quite prominent as well.

🌞 sun in aries, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

even though you enjoy the idea of love and relationships, your independency is what matters the most for you. you possess strong leadership, which makes you aspire for the best positions in work, school, marriage etc. you don't want to lower your standards. aries have the reputation of being fearless, and that's mainly caused by their impulsiveness. in fact, if they actually thought before acting, they wouldn't be aries lol. some people may even define you as selfless, as you literally put yourself in danger or in awkward situations just to say what you truly think, even if nobody asked. it's apart of your nature, you don't want to go unnoticed, especially with your sun being also conjunct your mars, making this aries energy even stronger. you probably just lose your temper when someone challenges you (and it may happen often, to be honest). you hate routine; you always try to spice up your daily life a bit by meeting new people and trying new experiences in general. you enjoy having fun, partying, travelling... you thrive in social situations. you may have troubles making right decisions, as you're quite indecisive. but, once you do choose, no one is gonna stop you from achieving your goals and showing the world who you are. in fact, you gain confidence from your assertiveness, making you pretty proud of your persona as well.

aries sun conjunct aries mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy gemini dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

aries sun conjunct aries mars: with this placement, you may be even more straight-forward than the typical aries. you are very impulsive and honest above all, you say things as they are. you don't get hurt easily, you're able to be very brave when you want to, and even if you do get emotionally hurt, you know how to stand up for yourself again. you strive to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true, you're an hard-worker. some may call you impatient, and you may actually be, but in reality you just can't wait for things to happen. for example, let's suppose you're going to the mall to buy the playstation you always wanted. you'd start only thinking and talking about that playstation until you actually get it in your hands. you get easily excited. also, this is another placement that indicates that is hard not to notice you. you have a very strong charisma that makes others stare. you strive to be the number #1 at whatever you do, you're a serious competitor and you'd do anything to win and achieve your goals.

aries sun conjunct aries saturn: you may have some insecurities coming from your family or roots that make you feel like you constantly need to prove yourself. you literally go extreme, just because you feel the need to show the best version of you to the world. there's an inner fight in you, which makes you feel that you can never reach the top. saturn represents the father figure in astrology, so maybe he's the cause of these issues. you had to grow up earlier than other kids, and you may find yourself more at ease around elder people. it's like the sun is restricted by saturn to shine properly. if you develop this aspect, you can get a big baggage of wisdom and responsibility. usually, it will take you a while to develop your confidence, but you'll be able to fully glow after your 30s.

🌙 moon in cancer, 10° / 2nd decan ruled by the moon and pluto

with your moon in cancer, your privacy and security are the centre of your life. you need to be and feel emotionally stable to fully take advantage of all of your skills; for example, if you argue with a loved one of yours, especially if it's someone from your family, you could get very unmotivated to do anything. you need to feel complete to function correctly, and when you can't, you rely on material goods; e.g you may overeat, buy a lot of useless things out of stress, drink... anything that apparently helps you to cope. on the other hand, you're very affectionate, even clingy at times, but your feelings are very pure. because of that, you may also be extremely sensitive, you could be afriad of others' judgment for example. you have a very acute maternal istinct, you're most likely the mom friend of your group, especially since your sun is in aries, another generous sign. it comes natural to you to take care of others and nurture them, you'd definitely make an amazing mother. the problem with this trait is that you may sometimes take the blame for something just to protect others, you could often say white lies to help your loved ones. you just want to do something beneficial for others, you're extremely generous, but don't forget that you should take care of yourself first. also, since you feel the need to help others, you may often bottle up your emotions without anyone that is willing to help you work out your problems. make sure to always have some private space in your day-to-day life, it is extremely essential for you to develop your own ideas and also to understand what to do for your personal growth.

cancer moon square aries mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your aries mercury desires attention and social interactions, your cancer moon wants privacy. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.

🗣 mercury in aries, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

you are a fast-thinker, even though that doesn't mean you always take the right choices. in fact, you can change your mind very often. you probably have a beautiful, melodic voice, even though it's likely very loud. you also speak as fast as you think, making it hard sometimes to keep up with you in a speech. you could also switch from a topic to another casually. you don't really enjoy thinking about the past nor the future, you only care about the present and you live it they way you feel; hence, you're not really the type to care about learning from your mistakes. you always see the positive side of them, which can be both good and bad actually. that's because you're quite stubborn, it's hard to make you change your mind. you're very straight-forward, and that could lead you to conflicts as you don't understand the impact your words have on others. mercury is also retrograde, so you may have troubles communicating your thoughts in a clear and understandable way. due to this, people may misunderstand your ideas and opinions and viceversa. you're more introspective, you're better at thinking than speaking, which may make you more of a listener.

aries mercury conjunct aries mars: this placement makes you slightly more aggressive with your words. in fact, it makes you look more assertive and almost bossy. you could often attack people with words when you get angry, and you can get quite provocative too, even though it may happen in a more passive way. you still have your libra mercury’s elegance and diplomacy in you, after all. even though you’re quite controversial for the way you speak, you’re still very sensitive to others’ words. your self-esteem tends to find its base mostly on others’ opinion about you, and you always look for reassurance from your loved ones. to deal with this hard aspect, you need to think before you speak. if you have troubles understanding others’ feelings, just think about how you’d love to be treated. patience will just come naturally to you.

aries mercury conjunct aries saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you’re quite straight-forward, and due to your leo energy you always seem as if you’re up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking more in school, perhaps you could apply for class president. anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

❤️ venus in aquarius, 27° / 3rd decan ruled by uranus and venus

when it comes to love, you actually step out of your comfort-zone, unlike your heavy saturn energy; that is, you're not into clichés. sure, you need a loyal partner who's stable both emotionally and financially, but at the same time they must have something unique about them. you're not the type to fall for the first guy you see down the street. in addition to that, you're not into the typical, cheesy romantic stuff. you want your partner to be a friend, not only a boyfriend/husband. you want to feel able to talk and vent to them, just like you'd do with a friend, but also someone that is willing to stay with you through thick and thin. you hardly fall in love at first sight, and you act quite casually around your crushes. in fact, most of the times you come off as so detached that you hardly look like you're interested in someone. boys could get intimidated from you because of that, in fact sometimes you just wish you could be the one taking the lead and ask others out, and maybe you do. yet, I think you're a bit quiet, and that could restrict you from doing it. also, as I've already mentioned, you need a partner that can stimulate you mentally. you can't stand a boring relationship with no amusement and excitement, you want someone that can constantly surprise you in some way. in fact, you'd probably choose brains over looks. last but no least, you hate feeling committed. that doesn't mean that you're unloyal, not at all. but you can't be with someone possessive that wants to take control of your life, it would be the death of you. you're able to stand up on your own.

☄️ mars in aries, 22° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and venus

you're very impulsive, it's natural for you to act before you think. you're motivated to pursue your goals and you're a natural born leader, you love being the boss and being seen as a point of reference, even though this could make you seem a bit bossy when working in groups. people may see you as fearless, but that's because you don't think much about your decisions. even if you make a wrong choice, you don't give up and try anything to solve it. in fact, you can't stand losing. you're a serious competitor, you always strive for the 1st place. that's also caused by the fact that, with your cancer moon, you're likely afraid that people could see you as too weak, and then take advantage of your kindness. you're very defensive, but your purpose isn't hurting others, but protecting yourself.

aries mars conjunct aries saturn: this is another placement that indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. it could even be a matter of insecurity. soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in gemini. your ego feels fulfilled when you express your opinions, ideas and creativity. people probably see you as an intelligent, wise individual. maybe even as a know-it-all. you care about both your inner and outer self, which may be the cause of your confidence issues. you try to fit into society, and you tend to change your approach to people based on who you’re interacting with. while this gives you great social skills, it may confuse you quite a bit. in fact, you may forget who you are. you may often have identity crisis, especially since you always feel as if you have to fit somewhere. you also have the moon placed in the first house: this placement makes you look softer than the typical gemini rising. in fact, you're kind of a cancer rising for some traits: you can read people's mood very well, it's easy for you to understand whether someone is sad, angry, happy... because of that, you always try to make people feel at ease, you're always kind with people, and that makes you extremely likeable. also, since the moon rules over feelings and the inner you, you're probably a very genuine person. it's hard for you to hide your real emotions, and even if you wanted to hide them you wouldn't be capable, you're not fake.

your 2nd house is in cancer. your family, home and cultural background may play a big role in your finances. you may earn money through your family’s business, or maybe you actually work with your family. you may also work from home, especially online/through social media. your adaptability is your greatest strenght; you’re probably good at a different variety of jobs, hence it may not be hard for you to find something to cope before deciding your definite career. this also confirms that your values, self-worth and security were shaped by your roots, childhood and family. the ruler of the second house, the moon, is placed in your first house. this placement indicates that money is probably very important for you in this lifetime, your life could revolve around wealth and earning finances. it could also symbolize that you're going to make money from your appearance, and hence you would be successful as a model for instance, or perhaps you can earn money from appearance in general. you could make a good photographer, stylist, mua, etc.

your 3rd house is in leo. you’re able to express your innovative ideas and creativity in a way that doesn’t go overlooked. you tend to overthink a lot, especially about your theories but, once you’ve made up your mind, no one is gonna make you change idea. you’re confident in your opinions. the downside of this placement is that you may come off as a know-it-all from the way you communicate your thoughts. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 11th house: another placement that indicates that your future career involves communication, and healing someone in some way. you could become a writer or a musician, as art can heal people in some way. again, you would also do well as a therapist or as a nurse, as they’re more challenging jobs where you need to communicate in order to help someone out.

your 4th house is in leo. your family had great expectations of you, which could have eventually led to anxiety/self-esteem issues. on the other hand, your parents cared about you, and they always made sure that you had everything you needed. if you have siblings, you were most likely the favourite child in the family, or at least you were spoiled by your parents, both with material things and affection. overall, your childhood wasn’t much turbulent, even though your parents most likely were quite strict with you. there could have been lots of arguing as well aside from restrictions, and hence it was hard for you to establish a proper emotional bond with them. because of that, you may feel a little insecure now, as you may constantly feel misunderstood by others.

your 5th house is in libra. you’re very creative, and you try to make beauty out of your imagination. you’re probably into music, art, photography, fashion… things like that. you’d also like to experience light romance, and you may enjoy the idea of socializing with others. you feel fulfilled when you’re able to spend time with your loved ones, even though this may make you struggle embracing your indipendence. the ruler of the 5th house is in the 9th house: your hobbies could involve foreign matters, and hence you may be into foreign cultures, languages, or even stuff like movies, music, and so on. you probably have hobbies that broaden your mind, and hence you could also be a very spiritual and / or religious person. you may also have a knack for philosophy, writing, psychology, etc.

your 6th house is scorpio, with pluto placed here as well. you may be passionate about routine, self-care, health and work, to the point that it looks (and feels) obsessive. you may attract enemies in your daily life, e.g co-workers that are jealous of your ambition. you might have to undergo different changes in your routine and health throughout your life, which can literally transform you both physically and emotionally. the 6th house also rules health, and hence you may have health problems related to your reproductive system. for instance, you may have very painful periods, and they could have an irregar cycle. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 6th house: you may have pets, or even work with them. you take care of your health, especially to work. you may also work as a doctor with plutonian traits; hence, you could be a psychologist, a therapist etc.

your 7th house is in sagittarius. you want your marriage to be a constant travel for you, in which you can both relax and learn. you want to marry a witty and impulsive partner, that is also fun to live with. you may often find yourself falling for unavailable people, either physically or emotionally (or even both). you may meet your future spouse at school, or maybe even directly abroad. they may be foreign, or at least they’re able to speak a different language from yours. they could also have a different culture/religion, or you may meet them during your free time or even in uni. the ruler of the 7th house, jupiter, is placed in the 10th house: your future spouse could be someone very disciplined and hard-working, and you could actually meet them at your workplace. you two may be coworkers, or perhaps they're a customer of yours, something like that.

your 8th house is in capricorn, with also neptune sitting there. you may be prone to die old, and you may feel attracted to people that are older or more established than you. you are most probably going to have a peaceful death, you could possibly die in your sleep or maybe you die from some sort of overdose. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams. with this placement, there are also high chances that you’re going to marry someone quite wealthy, possibly a business person. with the ruler of the 8th house in the 11th house, you’re likely surronded by karmic friends and people in general. you may argue often with them, and your relationship with is very intense, but that’s because you have karmic lessons to learn, and they’re the ones teaching them to you. it’s something that will get better with time. also, your friends may have the same interests as you, and you could possibly attract wealthy friends too.

your 9th house is in aquarius, with also uranus and venus sitting there. you’re an avid believer of your philosophical and cultural beliefs. you may be interested in teaching, and you could do it through innovative and technological tools. you’re also interested in foreign music, books, movies and any type of hobby. you may be attracted to genres like thriller, sci-fi… you could also believe in aliens. at school you may be considered particular, almost weird for your interests. you’re open-minded, as you appreciate the differences in people and cultures all over the world. venus here gives you the natural need to keep grasping information around not only in school but in your life in general, as knowledge is where you find happiness. you hate being told what to do, you want to be free in the decisions you make. you may have to live unexpected situations, as 9th house is also about experiences. you’re the type to feel proud doing something never seen before, as you aspire to be a trend-setter. this may also manifest in your musical, fashion etc. taste. you’re also very opinionated, and you defend your beliefs pretty strongly. this is also another placement that indicates that you may be attracted to foreigners, or perhaps you fall easily for unavailable people (celebrities, people that live far away from you, people that are already taken, etc.)

your 10th house is in aquarius with also your jupiter placed there. your venus is tightly conjunct the midheaven. you want to stand out from the crowd, you strive to establish your own morals and beliefs. you don’t want to conform to anything and anyone, as you’re a trend-setter and you want to be seen as such. you’d rather have a job where you can handle your work yourself, rather than having a boss. in fact, aquarius in this house makes you extremely resolute and motivated to achieve your goals and be independent. you may not be much interested in love, and if you are, you don’t overlook career either. having a stable and successful future that makes you happy is the key for happiness in your life. it could take you some time at first to be recognized for your efforts. you may easily experience 'almost-winner’ situation, and hence you could often make silly mistakes that ruin your work. it’s important to be focused when working, especially for you. yet, once you know how to balance this tricky energy and get your stuff together, you’ll earn a reputation for being an innovative and original person. you may be quite artistic, creative and emotional, you’ll probably focus your life on self-expression. venus in this house is another placement that indicates that you may often date people from your work place, or maybe even people older than you. also, since venus is your most elevated planet, your life probably revolves around love, as well as creativity. in fact, your career could possibly involve beauty, like fashion, make-up, etc. or maybe arts. you could be a singer, a writer… you would also do particularly well at politics or law.

with the 11th house ruled by aries, you probably attract a lot of people in your life. you have a giant stellium in this house involving mars, saturn, mercury and your sun. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. saturn is also placed in this house, meaning that at first you struggle to find friends. you may be very shy and awkward, and you just can’t seem to find someone right for you whom you can truly trust. I don’t have much to say to you regarding this placement, as it’s not badly aspected at all. you may find yourself comfortable with this placement, especially while growing up, as you’re cautious about who you befriend. also, it allows you not to waste time and focus on your duties, but generally it’s something that will get better with time and will naturally give you the ability to relate to others better. in fact, you may actually be more responsible than the typical aries. you could have workaholic tendencies to make your dreams come true, but you probably don’t feel too stressed about it thanks to this placement, which makes you extremely dedicated. your friends may feel like your home to you, they could be your second family. they can help you build a reputation, especially since they’re probably quite popular. or maybe, you could actually work with them. generally speaking, you may come across powerful people in your life that will help you boost your self-esteem and career path. you may also meet your true friends at work, or at least while growing up. you probably didn’t have many stable bonds during your teenage years.

lastly, your 12th house is in the sign of taurus. you’re secretly sensitive and affectionate, but you may have issues finding it out at first. in fact, the center of your life is your own intellectuality, these venusian traits are probably yet to develop. you may feel attracted to spirituality, but you’re quite lazy to actually dive into it. the moon sitting here indicates that you probably hide your feelings from others, probably out of fear. or maybe, you do it subconsciously; you’re quite secretive, but maybe because you don’t know how to get in touch with your feelings. using tools like meditation, astrology etc. are important for you to understand what you truly need from life. your 12th house’s ruler is in the 9th house: getting in touch with your hidden, subconscious and higher self will be crucial to help you grow up and gain more awareness of yourself. you may be interested in topics like astrology, psychology etc. most likely to get to know yourself, but your chart points out that you could easily turn these hobbies into something more if you want to. even just helping people is a way to get in touch with your higher self, and so you may choose a career that allows you to provide service to others in some way.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract sagittarius, virgo, libra, scorpio, pisces and aquarius placements. your future spouse may also have sagittarius/scorpio energy, maybe a sagittarius - scorpio cusp. you need someone who’s adventurous, funny, outgoing and witty, that can also stand up for themselves with no hesitation. you’re also into the magnetic, sexy type. you’re looking for someone independent, but that wouldn’t mind dedicating their time to you. you may feel unlucky in love, as your sagittarius descendant makes you attract people that are usually unavailable, whether it’s physically (they’re abroad) or emotionally. you may marry someone of a different culture/country/religion from yours. you may also meet and marry abroad. you may meet through your family, or maybe at your workplace as I’ve already mentioned before. they could also be someone you already know, probably from your childhood. your children will most probably have very prominent venusian energy, hence libra or taurus, or maybe they could also have leo or capricorn placements; they’ll love to be spoiled with affection, they’ll love material things like toys, food, clothes etc. but they’ll also be very smart and creative, as well as hard-working and disciplined.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. she loves being spoiled and appreciated, together with receiving attention. yet, she could sometimes be quite superficial because of that, but deep down she’s very romantic and mannered. she may have leo placements, or any fire / 5th house placement in general. your father is a bit colder than your mother, and he might be an aquarius or have any type of air/capricorn placement in his chart. your father could be a bit moody and / or unpredictable, and he may also have some addictions in the worst case. yet, he also has a very sweet and romantic side to him that he may struggle to let out. he could possibly also have taurus placements. if you have siblings, they’re probably cancers/ water signs. if you’re the elder sibling, you probably used to take care of them to help your mother. on the other hand, if you’re younger, then your siblings were the ones who nurtured you with your parents.

📊 career

as I’ve already mentioned above, you could work abroad, or at least with different languages/cultures. you’re probably naturally talented in this field, it would be a shame to overlook it. you also most likely have great communication skills and writing abilities. you’re very logical and precise, you’d definitely do well in a field that requires calm and organization. I can also picture you being an amazing teacher or even professor. based on your other placements, you could also do well at literally any creative career! you may be a dancer, a singer, or even something more complex like a creative director. in fact, with your aquarius midheaven, I feel like you’d rather be in charge in your job rather than be submissed to a boss. you’re very intuitive and observant, but also logical and rational. otherwise, you could also be successful as a designer, an architect, a scientist… something that allows you to be mostly independent, but that can still guarantee you mental stimulation and a decent income, and that also allows you to use your creative uranian energy.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

you probably have a very particular style. it probably descrives who you are. you may be into traditional pieces of clothing that are always a must: cardigans, blazers, plain t-shirts, jeans etc. you probably wear natural shades of colours, hence white, beige, grey etc. or maybe also pastel colors. you may also be into retro fashion trends, especially 70s/80s. you don't like following fashion trends, you prefer making your own.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were very career-oriented. you were probably extremely successful at work, it was your priority. you could have even been someone important for your career, who knows. yet, this lifetime you don't need to focus on work anymore, you're already a master at it. now, you need to solve your issues with your family and create a family of your own to fully accomplish your life purpose. there may be some ups and downs, but this is what your soul has to learn in this lifetime.

🤔 major transits analysis / february 9th

in the last few months, you could have had (and you may still have) problems with your friends, as mars and chiron, two malefics, are both transiting your 11th house. you may argue and discuss often, or perhaps you even lost a few friend during this span of time. also, since your natal pluto is conjunct your transit moon, you may feel particularly moody in these days. it could be that you’re starting to crave love or communicating in general in the first place, but in addition you also feel the need to change. you may feel very intense emotions, but at least you have a stronger will-power, therefore your manifestations may come true quicker for instance. just be careful not to stress yourself by being too bossy or suspicious.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is the end!! thank you again for booking a reading, let me know if you have any questions :) - libramc xx

[queermtl]

An interview with Montréal’s Cuarta Baby

Queer life in Montréal stretches far outside the mapped limits of the Gay Village, and a group of LGBTQ+ creatives are shining a light on queer expression that crosses boundaries, scenes and cultures. Rafaella Alegre (Cuarta Baby) is a nightlife organizer, ballroom house mother, outspoken activist and community builder (including co-founding the Montréal Kiki Ballroom Alliance), whose welcoming events have brought a uniquely Latinx flavour to Montréal. During a busy Pride season, we spoke with her about life in the city, the growing ballroom community and her upcoming Gasolina! An Urban Kiki Ball at La Sala Rossa on August 31, 2019.

1. Can you tell me a little bit about your personal history in Montreal? When did you arrive and what first caught your eye about the city to prompt you to move here from Peru?

I first arrived the day after Christmas in 2013. I had visited Montreal for some weeks in 2011 after being denied a tourist visa to go to NYC, and when I realized people could be openly queer or a woman without getting harassed on the street – or at least, way less than in Lima – I was like, ‘I need to get out of my city.’ Lima is a very hostile environment and even though I love my city and country, I needed to leave for my mental health and general well-being. It was the only city I had ever visited outside Peru at the time.

2. What prompted the creation of your party CRZN? Did you notice a gap in the LGBTQ+ community that needed to be filled in regards to Latinx people in Montreal? What does the name CRZN represent?

Exactly that. I missed the queer parties back home. The intersection of latinidad and queerness is very important to me, which I didn’t realize until I felt the void when I moved out. I found that other Latinx immigrant friends felt the same way, and they wanted a place to be able to perrear (grind) where the gender combination or femininity/masculinity of the participants would not be policed. I found that I hated the music in all the queer parties that I had been in Montréal and since I had nightlife experience from being a DJ for years in Lima, I figured I should do something about that gap. 

I really didn’t feel the urgency to solidify those plans until the tragedy that happened at Pulse. There was a need of a space to heal through Latin rhythms and that’s when I felt I had to rise to the occasion and this is when CRZN was born. Corazón means “heart” in Spanish, and I named it that way out of being passionate Latin queers and how we feel happiness or sadness intensely, especially these particular feelings of mourning. In Latin America, we have a history of using dancing and music to cope and heal and that’s something that it has in common with the queer community. I was told by someone one time that they thought the name meant “cruising” which I love as well – it’s a queer space after all, and I like to think it is also the bisexual party of Montréal. There’s something about reggaeton that is so sexual and makes you wanna hook up, so cruising also goes well with the brand and mood of this event.

3. Cuarta Baby is also a cornerstone of the Montreal ballroom community. When did you discover ballroom? What pulls you towards it? What are you hoping to do with your involvement as voguer, walker and commentator?

Thanks for calling me a cornerstone, that’s huge. I still see myself, as my name says, as a “baby” in the ballroom scene, because I am. My involvement started officially at the same time voguing classes started in Montréal, so more or less two and a half years ago. But, even in Peru I dreamt about being a part of it. I watched videos of Leiomy and tried to imitate the movements, but at that time, ballroom was not experiencing this boom of popularity so there was not even a single video on how to do a dip and the information to learn about the culture was very limited. It was only later that I was able to really delve into it completely. I really see Twysted Miyake-Mugler as one of my main mentors in this learning process – which never ends! 

I felt very alone with my feelings surrounding femininity in Latin America, where there’s a very specific way of being a woman – feminine, heterosexual, catholic – that probably only other latinas who were raised and lived there can understand. I didn’t fit that archetype in several ways and femininity felt more like a prison. It was only through voguing that I discovered a way of being femme that was liberating and subversive. Voguing really helped me find myself and being comfortable in my own skin and for that I will be forever grateful. That’s why the involvement of Afrolatinx and Latinxs in the beginnings of ballroom culture in NYC makes so much sense to me – it seems like in a way it’s a direct response to how our culture sees gender roles and expression. As a walker and a mother – though I prefer mami because it makes me feel less old! – what I want to do with my own participation is honour that legacy and that’s the main value of my kiki house Benetton. 

As a commentator, I want to blend Latin rhythms with original and authentic vogue beats while chanting in Spanish or Spanglish, to breach the gap between the main anglo-scene and the different newish scenes in Latin America such as Costa Rica, Mexico, Chile and hopefully, some day Peru! – something me and my collaborator DJ Minas have baptized as vogueton. It’s kinda like the lovechild between the two most influential songs in music history (in my biased opinion): Gasolina and The Ha! Dance. As a voguer... well, it’s no secret that I’m not a performance girl and Face is my category, so even though I do not compete, I do vogue for fun. It is an almost sacred ritual to me where I explore and relate to my femininity, and it’s the only time where I feel like I understand myself and can show myself through movement. It's so hard to explain our complex reality with words, so I think vogue does through movement what poetry does through words.

4. Where do you see Montreal’s ballroom community going in 2019?

I’m hoping it will get bigger and that queer and trans people of colour want to participate more and more. It does take commitment and years to get better at it, but it’s such an investment in art and talent that it’s worth it! We want to see the walker quality and quantity rise. 

5. How has the city changed since your arrival (and specifically since your involvement in both CRZN and voguing)?

Well, the percentage of bisexual men has increased considerably! Just kidding – or am I? I think both myself and the city has changed in different ways. My stellium-in-virgo ass is super obsessed with doing work for the community and stepping forward when there’s no one else doing it. We have a well-established party that doesn’t turn any profit but we’re able to keep it going and curate a unique space and sound where people feel safe. I’ve also been part of founding the Montreal Kiki Ballroom Alliance, which I think even though it has started only very recently, is already starting to do amazing work towards uniting and bettering the kiki functions in the city. So, on my end, I will keep trying to provide the city with events where you can perrear and voguear, be it a party like CRZN or a kiki ball like “Gasolina! An Urban Ball” or the “Labour Weekend Kiki Workshops”.

6. How has life in the LGBTQ+ community in Montréal affected you?

The privileged first world life that a queer can live here has made me really appreciate my opportunity of migration, but at the same time it has made me appreciate my upbringing in the third world because it made me who I am and has given me a grasp on reality outside of the North American bubble. If I could choose, I’d be born where I was born again and again. Sometimes the “gay community” – it’s hard to call it LGBTQ+, because it is very much centered around the G – I don’t know if “affect” is the right word, but it bothers me and makes me want to create my own social circles and surroundings! Ballroom is an entirely different story – it centers (or it should at least) the black transwoman experience and we are all guests there, but it definitely finds a way to include everyone somehow.

7. Who in the city inspires you?

Ballroom-wise, I am always inspired by Brian Amazon Disney and Chivengi. The way they move alone is truly beautiful and a learning experience on its own. My Benetton children – who I recruited for a reason – like Naomi. The way she commands a room is unbelievable! My music soulmate and collaborator Minas, who I organize CRZN and have infinite projects with. I know you asked Montréal, but I it wouldn’t be right in my book to acknowledge who inspires me in Montréal ballroom without mentioning the Toronto scene as well, so Twysted, Tamar, Ceasar and N9ne are huge ballroom inspirations! But, no shade, most of my inspirations for all things art and creativity are in Peru, New York and Puerto Rico.

8. If you were to tell visitors just arriving three things about Montréal that you love, what would they be?

I’d say first of all come during the summer and not to toot my own horn – but totally – I’d come when there’s a CRZN. Also, my bed is one of the best tourist spots out there, just saying.

[elanska]

newlyweds in atlanta (a ZA wish fulfillment research note, also doubling as KHR!OC romance fic crossover with TWD, kinda)

since mangasite crashed about 2 weeks ago(?) I've been relapsing into my zombie apocalypse addiction. No, not something useful like practising my cardio, but by reading the walking dead fics in AO3 (it's a scary experience without the EXCLUDE filter. What's wrong with people thinking zombies makes a good sexy time background? I know, I know that ZA are MOSTLY about humans and their way to deal with zombies, I just thinking it will mostly involving cool ACTIONS instead teenagers bringing their car into zombies infested parking lot and giggling 'I'm so scared, plz hold me' action type. It's not cool man, not even if your date bringing a tank. I meant, what if I said no to his/her advances? will I be trapped in a tank?)

'kay, so since trying to find non-romance ZA fics in TWD section in AO3 kind of tiring (I found several nice ones, but still need moar! moar!), I'm kinda running my own.........err, general headcanon that devolves to plotline to wish fulfilment (yeah, it degenerates further and further) about what happen if I throw a ballpark of awesome! that is mah baby TYL!Hibari Kyouya into The walking Dead setting. 

Kyouya also accompanied by Kusakabe - I had 110% sure that Tetsu's flame is lightning, only to google later that he's canonically a storm (dammit! ah well, storm is fine too, even better perhaps). I'm making headcannon that Tetsu's box weapon is storm trapjaw ants (18 of them in one box; Bianchi have 20 storm scorpions, I'm not sure how much boxes she has, but let's headcannon that those 20 scorpions can fit into one box; Kusakabe has 2-3 box of them of course, and maybe have another type - bees maybe? for aerial recon; anyway all of Kusakabe's pet box characteristics are hard-worker like he is. I still trying to find another storm animal that can go surveillance underwater but can't think any at the moment. Kyouya's having firepower, so Kusakabe's more into support and versatility. And equipped with storm flames, that means Kusakabe is OP as fuck)

Oh yes, talking about his main box (the trapjaw ants) they can launched themselves through the air (dis true IRL) with storm flame it will meant unlimited zombie headshots (or until Kusakabe's drop from exhaustion, which considering how sturdy he is = not likely happen anytime soon). The more fantasy and wish-fulfillment parts are that those ants can do wish-fulfilment lifting. Yea, real ants can lift 1000 times their mass, BUT! to give you estimate how wish fulfilling heavy-duty these mafia ants are, they can lift a class A RV (yes, those weighted > 30,000 pounds. I told you this is wish fulfilment; also, shounen mangas about magical mafias). Okay, he might use two boxes of ants, but anyway, they can still lift the RV dammit! I want to have an RV and I will have  it in my fic! It's not my fault that I can't find whether the box storage can act as free item bag or just their pre-determined crafted for that one-item-only storage box (if it's the previous, it can be used to store the RV). Since I'm not sure, I have to opt for making awesomesauceness that is Kusakabe's OP-as-fuck!ants; it also will force Kyouya to do multiple supply run with Glenn to the town (otherwise they can just raid Costco warehouse once and then leaving before even meeting Rick, and we can’t have that)

But wait! you critical readers might say, why with Glenn? why not with the heavy-duty Kusakabe who doubles as undead’s annihilator which more efficient and makes sense? Well, you readers might already know that I ship Kyouya x Namimori(+Hibird), and so we have give him an OC, which is absolute baggage in physical fitness(+very useful in people's surveillance + cute + absolute mental terror). No, we're not kidding about the absolute mental terror bits. You had to remember that she's created by us, so she has special snowflake feature that bordering supernatural (it's not as bad as her gender-inverted version in my other ZA fic/drabble/plotline that goes full-blown supernaturally awesome (but in that setting, every normal humans evolved to have supernatural ability), However in this story, her bordering supernatural skill is just have ultra-good perception of people (which almost a necessity on every TWD!OC in fix-it fic; and trust me, since TWD TV episode came up with rage-inducing stupidity like the Alexandria’s great zombie race, fix-it! fics are fucking needed!). She'll need to engage in talking with the target to gauge them though, won't be able to see bad people from their aura or by prophetic vision or something like that. I meant, do you see how in season 2, Dave get to probe and pinpoint what’s Rick and Hershel base is? that was amazing, and Dave was just being a normal human!

Where was I? oh yeah, since Kyouya's soulmate is not fit to do a supply run, she had to stay at quarry (and hassled people to do somekind of makeshift fence to secure the camp) while Kusakabe guarding her. People are not really inclined to do so + maybe scolding her for paranoid thought and scaring people (for insinuating that the walkers can arrive at their camp undetected). Risa (the namimori+hibird's fusion) smile and nod, and move her+Kyouya+Kusakabe own camp a noticeable length away and make their own makeshift barricade around it (Kusakabe's flame is storm remember? they can get logs as many as they want, and you can make makeshift rope from branches and twigs - Risa's dad likes camping, but since Risa's not very fit (yet still insisting to come with him + her physically fit siblings), she usually stuck in their camp, doing this kind of useless but fascinating shits). When confronted about it, she just said "well, me and Kyouya having social anxiety of being in crowds + since we're worried about possible attack, we'll stationed ourself as outpost and can warn you on impending attack. Also, let's make couple of outdoor toilets, in case of several people need to go at once and it's safer than going to woods alone to relieve yourself." Risa will act as buffer from Kyouya having to deal with other people, because Kyouya might be awesomely OP as fuck, but in zombies story, hell is often other people. Don't worry bebe Kyouya, I gave you Risa to terrorise them mentally ahem, I meant, level the playing field of annoyance.

(if you think Lori is annoying, well, Ed Peletier usually walking quickly in another direction when he sees Risa coming. No, no, she won't issuing royal orders as a first lady or anything, it's just ‘Ed like survivalist stuff right? you're bringing MRE! how awesome! no, it's yours, I won't ask you for share. You have your own family to take care of, what happens if they run out? I am and adult and have responsibility to get food on my own! but Ed definitely knows how to do survival stuff right? like digging outdoor toilets, or making snares, or making wattle fences, let's make example to show how it's correctly done!’ - kind of annoying. Aside from those little projects, she also intending to make biogas generator from those outdoor toilets (this idea rejected by everyone because ewww, carrying pail of human waste? thanks but no thanks), so she gives up and just make simple outdoor toilets = dig a hole, making raised platform from excess log for the toilet seat, makes lots of wood shavings after use). She can't force people to follow her ideas anyway (Yes she know that Dale has RV, but it's for Dale's own use, not some kind of public restroom. what if it broken down or two people need to go at once?)

Anyway, aside from those little projects that makes people defer to her as 'hippy, camping girl', Risa also propose to have small pond on the campsite (doable with tarps salvaged from supply run + wood logs (for the foundation basis) + stone for weights), just in case they somehow need water for emergency and can't go to quarry because it’s night time/landslide/there are walkers around/etc. As well as making manual washing machine, also roping Jim to convert gas-fueled cars into electric car project (yes, the last one is unlike any other, but Jim is noticeably depressed and may need to be worked out to avoid suicidal thoughts + gasoline seems to dwindling). Now you understand why people generally walked in another direction when spotting her walking to them (or mutter 'oh god, what crazy ideas she's proposing to do now')

Oh yeah, after spending a week in quarry and seeing Risa getting chummy with everyone (also makes people half-heartedly doing her 'better encampment!' ideas or muttering excuses to not to and flee/hide when they spot her), Kyouya finally propose to her! People gasps! Because Hibari is a different kind of terror (of the zombie!mower variety, also, he beats Merle into submission and kinda recruited him to his Foundation member, sorta)

Anyway, Kyouya professing harboring +10 years of crush but always busy with works and not really understand about this feeling!TM until he heard that she's permanently transferred to USA at her work, and buy tickets for same plane as her. Risa blushingly accepts his proposal - because she always likes Hibari. She thinks it’s just being good friend, but she likes the feeling that she's safe whenever she with him, and can see themselves growing old in namimori together. People clapped (somewhat confusedly at the non-romantic acceptance speech) when Kyouya put a ring on her wedding finger. Good thing they didn’t hear what he whispered to his new bride.  

"it has GPS tracker function, so I would always know where you are." "is it battery operated? can it charged with solar panel?" "kinetic motion, it's charged when you're moving your arm."  "ooh, like when I'm walking. Nice!”

*cough cough* they’re one of a kind pairing. So, this scene is why I’m naming this whole note/wish fulfillment/crossover fic (sorta) with Newlyweds in Atlanta

I kinda forgot that in the intro scene, we'll have action packed scene in which Kyouya + Kusakabe battling zombies inside airplane! (those three are seated in first class section, zombies started in economy, there are about 13 zombies in total when people stampeding into first class? with 10 zombies busy eating people in economy and 3 zombies eating people in business (I'm not sure if it's too many or too little, if I saw even one people start ripping people throats with their teeth, I'll start leg myself out of the way there, but then again, I'm always afraid of zombies). Kyouya putting sleeping Risa (whose crappy physical condition makes her goes into catatonic coma everytime she sleeps, no seriously, she'll sleep through ZA if it happens on her bedtime) inside Sphere Needle Form, which you know, totally impenetrable but also have limited oxygen inside (since she's in coma, Kyouya thinks she'll be fine until he finished disciplining the troublemaker on the airplane). He subduing the three zombies using the Vongola unlimited handcuffs but noted the people they gnawed are also rise from the dead and attack one cabin attendant who after cuffed for safety precautions, became zombies as well. 

Since it's dangerous as hell, they decided to kill the rest of zombies because there's no way Kyouya detain all of them until the airplane landing (he still has his girlfriend stuck inside the oxygen slowly depleting sphere needle form) + no way they can told people to sit down next to captured zombies while planes landing. So unanimously, people choose to kill it. Some relative sobbing, but can't say (or do anything) upon given option of locking you+your loved ones inside toilet so it won't kill other people (who also have loved ones as well, and might need to go to toilets). Some of them pleading (then resort to threatening) for Kyouya to just hold their zombies!loved ones until plane landing, Kyouya beating them (he never the one goes for democracy).

So plane does emergency landing in atlanta and immediately met with chaos because hey, zombies in airport too! Kusakabe went to steal get a SUV from car rental and they leave airport. After 8 hours of catatonic sleep, Risa wakes up, seeing people in their cars stuck in highways + Kusakabe telling her about some kind of strange infectious disease that makes the undead walking and the city just got bombed = checking tourist map that came with the rental RV and suggest they go to bellwood quarry. They’re still in there when Rick Grimes awake from his coma and come strolling to Atlanta

[isiid0ra-blog]

The Gratitude Challenge A-Z

It’s the last Saturday of 2017, a year of instability, anxiety, confusion, careless actions, substance abuse and constant changes. A very dark time indeed, but also a great learning period which has led me to the end of that chapter. I feel an essence of somewhat inner peace, new goals and a belief that all things are going to be okay, and there is a lot that has already turned around.

Today I’m starting the gratitude challenge which is also one of the reasons why I’m starting this blog. Self acceptance, self love, self control, positivity and good mental and physical health are my goals - I guess they’re the goals for the majority of us. I want to be as honest as I can with myself and with others, be a more reliable person in all aspects, be more present, proactive and express gratitude often. I hope to achieve happiness from within, and exert an energy that will inspire others and make them smile. 

With this I begin the first challenge; an A to Z list of things in my life that I am grateful for, with the first words that pop into my head....

Artistic ability - although I may not believe in myself or practice as much as I should, (I’ve started again which makes me happy) I have an artistic talent that I would like to focus on more.  Australia, animals, automobiles, astrologists, acquaintances, art.

Brothers and sisters - blood or step, I’m grateful to have had so many around me growing up, and we still all see each other now. It’s heart warming to have grown up with people who are all around the same age and be able to call them my brothers and sisters.  Body parts, beaches, books, blankets, breathing, beauty, birthdays. Clothes - I often forget how lucky I am compared to a huge amount of people around the world. Sometimes it feels like you can never have enough clothing due to the fast ever changing pace of this society, but in reality we’re the lucky ones who have it so easily accessible - it feels good to buy new clothes, but we are truly lucky to be able to do so and shouldn’t forget that.  Chemotherapy, coffee, clean air, coconuts, connections, change, chefs, comedy, cameras, cuddles, celebrations, cats.

Dad - A goal of mine is to see members of my immediate family more often, he’s always there for me and tries his best to understand me even though I can be a difficult person. I can count on him to be there if I ever need any help, I am very lucky to have a dad who honestly does care about my wellbeing. Dogs, drivers (taxi,uber etc), daylight savings, doctors, dancing.

Emotions - I’m grateful for the ability to feel emotion - without feeling sadness, we would never have known what happiness feels like. Easy employment, energy, eyesight, electricity.

Friends - I’m very thankful to be blessed with some of the most non judgemental, understanding and loyal friends. They are forgiving, understanding, and selfless and for that I am eternally grateful. A goal of mine is to express my gratitude towards my family & friends more often. Family, food, festivals, flowers, forgiveness, freedom, firefighters, farmers.

Greek background - When I was younger I used to be ashamed and embarrassed of my Greek features and cultural background but today I am grateful and proud of my family’s culture. getting older and having visited Greece a few times I now see the beauty in my people and the country I come from. Grandparents, good times, GPS, glasses, good days, generosity, goals.

Home - I’m grateful for the fact that I have always had a roof over my head, wherever it may be. I’m also grateful for all the different homes I’ve lived in with the different people I have lived with. Health, humour, hospitality workers, honesty, hugs, hope, hospitals, happiness, holidays.

Intelligence - Incredibly blessed to have intelligence, although I may not always make the smartest decisions or catch onto things straight away I do believe my intuition is a big factor to my intelligence, as well as the luck to be born into a country that provides an excellent educational system.  Imagination, intuition, internet, individuality, independence.

Jokes - I’m grateful for jokes and humour just because they simply make people laugh.  Journeys.

Kindess - If it comes from a friend, a family member, a stranger on the street, a worker - kindness is heart warming when it comes from anybody. Kisses, kitties. 

Life - Of course, I am grateful to be alive because without life nothing else would exist. Love, laughter, little things, lifeguards. 

Mum - I will always be grateful for my mum no matter what silly arguments we may have, she has always tried her hardest in her circumstances to provide for us and be there for us.  Music, medical practices, medical system in Australia, magical moments, memory/ies, moon, mangoes, meditation.

Nature - I’ve always loved nature and felt at peace surrounded by the true beauty of the earth whether it be at the beach, rivers, forests, open spaces or any of mother natures creations. A goal of mine is to contribute more towards protecting the Earth, even just little things. National parks, nurture, nice smells, nutrients.

Optimism - When I feel optimistic, good things always come my way, and when they don’t, it only allows for something else to come into my life. I also love being around optimistic people as their energy rubs off on me, so I’m thankful for all the optimism in the world! Oceans, opportunities, oranges, organisation.   Pain - Without pain we don’t gain strength and resilience. I’m thankful for the pain I’ve endured and the pain that will be inevitably felt in the future for it only makes us stronger. Pets, presents, presence, paramedics, people, public transport, parks, photos, parties.

Quietness - Grateful to be able to have time to myself, in a quiet space.  Questions. Reading - I used to read a lot, lately I haven’t as I haven’t been able to concentrate but with my inner peace coming back I think I may be able to pick up books again and start reading and for that I am grateful.  Resilience, rain, reading, restaurants, recycling. 

Sobriety - I love being sober, I love getting things done and being proactive, being aware and making the right choices. Looking and feeling good, thinking straight and striving to be the best that I can be. I truly do love sobriety.  Surgeons, smiles, sunshine, schools, spirituality, safety, strength, senses, soulmates, social workers. 

Travel - I’m grateful for all of the places I’ve been able to travel to so far, and all the places I will go. Some of the times I’ve spent travelling have been some of the most life changing experiences I’ve had as I’ve chosen to travel alone a couple of times, and will continue to do so!  Time, today, tomorrow, tanning, therapists, teachers, traditions, trees, tropics, thought, techno, trance events.

Understanding - People who try to understand others, even if they don’t fully empathise or even agree, to just understand someone else and their reasonings is a beautiful quality to have and I’m grateful for the people in the world who possess that quality. UberEats.  Vegetables - I just fucking love vegetables and nutrients.  Vanilla flavours/scents, vitamins. Work - We often forget how lucky we are in Australia to be able to find work so easily compared to many countries around the world, we have good wages to be able to live comfortably and in general we have pretty good work safety. I’m grateful for work that has taught me skills and for my future change of career. Water, workers, waiters, weather that isn’t extreme. 

Xeni - In Greek, which means strangers. :-) I couldn’t think of anything in English. All the people around us that make a society that I’m grateful to be living in. 

Youth - I am in my very early twenties, which means there is endless opportunities, lessons to learn and things to experience. Youth isn’t timeless, so it’s important not to waste time. In saying that, making bad life choices and making mistakes are all important parts of experiencing our youth, be grateful for your youth.

Zzz - Indeed, I am grateful for sleep because without it I can’t function. :-) 

[jennysbrainbox]

Some thoughts

Fortunately i have never had to deal with the pain and grieving associated with the death of a loved one, but the day i lost you, I felt like I had lost everything that was important to me. Watching my happiness slowly fizzle away from me, helplessly, doing everything in my power to not lose you, clearly my efforts were not successful. It wasnt until a while after, that I realised that there exists no sequence of actions I could have taken to protect or prevent myself from being hurt in the end. I think this was what was hardest for me to come to terms with, that every choice i made after the initial decision to give myself to you would eventually lead to me going through what would feel like the hardest period of my life up until that point. I also cant seem to make up my mind on whether this fact should anger me or not, right now it's more of a disgruntled acceptance. Nevertheless, if this is what it feels like to "lose a soulmate" then I'd fucking hate to lose another.

Occasionally, I remember the moments I shared with you, those perfect moments that we wished would just freeze in time, where being together made everything else in the world feel utterly insignificant in comparison. Sometimes I think about the last time I was able to hold you, kiss you, tell you how much you meant to me, if I had known then that I would never be able to do those things again, I think you would have had a much more difficult time getting me to fuck off. Having said all of this, I recognise that I am merely seeing a supercut (as Lorde would put it) of us, ignoring that some times weren't so good, but heck, if I manage to find myself feeling like this for someone again then I sure as hell know that I made no mistake in choosing that person.

However difficult the breakup was, i recognise it was a decision that was unavoidable, but the hurt of the breakup was incomparable to the pain caused by the events following (which I think I've spoken about more than enough by now). Of the friends who knew about what happened after: Nikki, and I hope you wont be too fussed, my three closest friends out of school (who haven't the faintest clue who you are and arent in social circles with anyone who knows you, dont fret), none fully saw the extent of how hard everything had hit me. I effectively shut down, stopped functioning as a human. I stopped going to my Nuffield placement entirely, I barely had the appetite to stomach a single meal a day, I no longer cared to look after myself, only left my bed when Nikki forced me to, and my mental health dipped lower than it had ever been and is still patchy at times. Being the first among my "out of school friends" to go through a breakup none of them really knew what to expect, and with the knowledge of how level headed I generally am, they assumed that I was over everything within about a week or two (lol psyche i wasnt). Not too long ago Nikki mentioned quite out of the blue how proud she was of me, of how strong I must be to have dealt with everything so well. That was when it occurred to me that she hadnt noticed how not well I was handling things at all. Then there's Urvi (bless her soul) who picked up on pretty much everything despite not knowing much, and to this day, still reminds me daily to eat my meals because she knows I tend to neglect them.

I think it should be noted that I am in a much better place now than I was in August, not perfectly functioning, i never was, but considerably better, both mentally and physically. I will not say I have gotten over everything, it still fucks me up hearing hannah plan her future around having you, when I was in her position once and struggled seeing a future without you. It was weird as fuck talking about our happy moments when you are probably in the progress of creating new ones with her. And it still hurts a buttfuck tonne when i remember what happened in August, and that you two are together now. I'm learning to accept that things are how they are, and I do not talk about the past because I haven't let go, rather, it was just a few thoughts I hadn't had the chance to voice.

Also sorry for the random post about this, and how it was such a jumble of thoughts with poor linking. It's 5:51 am (6:51 in summer time) I'm tired.

(and sorry for the overuse of parentheses)

[sunflowerstationary]

Dearest darlingest Ivy,

I just wrote you an entire fucking letter and this trash app crashed on me literally milliseconds before I could post it, I hate life.

Anyway.

The gist of what's been going on in my life is this:

- I'm fucking exhausted all the time. I keep telling myself that "I need to make more of an effort to keep up with my friends lives!" and then by the end of the work day I just want to cry, because everything is so much and I'm just tired, I want to sleep for a million years. I need to schedule my road test but I'm scared because while I trust myself as a driver now, and I had a good amount of rapport with my instructor, the examiner is not going to be friendly and I am going to seize up out of anxiety and probably kill us both. My mom's in a tough spot right now and I feel bad for her but she is so hard to deal with and there's literally nothing I can do to help her, and I just. Don't know. I don't know what to do.

- Having my cat here has been a godsend. Honestly, the only thing making life worth it most days is coming home to my boyfriend and my precious son. He's taken to the new house so well and I just love him, spoiled brat. Today he got some of my mac n cheese, treats, and also some soft food, because me and Steve's mom are both weak for the little mews.

- Duolingo is the most fun I've had in years. Language learning is so relaxing and interesting when you can do it on your own time and terms, I honestly fucking love it. I'm 20 days into my streak right now. You know, when I first read that it takes roughly five years to achieve total fluency I was discouraged, but now I'm enjoying it so much that I'm just excited that I have so much to look forward to? You know? I'll teach you Cyrillic sometime if you want. You should totally download this app when you have a functioning phone again, it doesn't have an ASL course unfortunately bc a lot of it is audio, but it's easy and you can go at your own pace, and it sends you cute little reminders and it's so worth it.

- I'm speaking to Elizabeth regularly again. It's been such a relief... I didn't think it would be, but you know what? I felt so unbalanced and wrong without her in my life. Idk. I do believe that we all have soulmates, definitely not in the traditional sense but... there are people out there that I just could never ever lose even if I tried, I think. You and her, mostly. It's so nice to be able to ramble about Chess and half baked fanfic plots and pop punk again. I feel sort of bad for not really responding to her thinly veiled offer to start things up again, but I don't really think she's upset, we're both just too happy to be talking properly again. Besides, I don't think it matters if we're "together" or not. She's still one of the best friends that I'll ever have, and at the end of the day, we still have universes spanned between us that we created ourselves.

- Life is actually... decent, for once. I don't entirely know what to do with that. I brush my teeth every day, and eat at least one meal but usually more, and cuddle up with Steve at night and wake up with him, sometimes shower with him. I scoop the litter box, I do my flash cards, I write a few hundred words, I make the bed, I watch tv shows with Steve and eat bags of Halloween candy and I'm happy. I almost never get too deep in my negative thought cycles, half because Steve drags me out by force and half because I couldn't stand to ruin my relationships all over again, and I just want this to work more than anything.

I think most of all I miss you? Now that I'm speaking to Elizabeth it's like not speaking to you is the Only Thing that's out of place, although I recognize that it's mostly because I'm extremely shitty at organizing my life enough to just remind myself to text you every day. I want to hear about your life though! I want to do shit with you when I can. I want to know how your kitties are doing. How you and Kevin are doing. Did you ever figure out if Chris was queer? How was that party thing? Did you enjoy the wine? (I hope so, its my favorite I swear by it.) How's the second job going? Are you still not getting much work? Do you keep in touch with anyone from Boston- do you want any stationery or envelopes or stamps, I have plenty!

Not knowing what you're up to or if you're okay drives me nuts sometimes, I'm just a coward with social anxiety. Don't think that I don't care, though. I'm always sitting here wondering.

I'm really fucking proud of you. You might not think so or feel like it yet, but you've gotten SO far, and done so much the past few years, and taken so many scaryexciting opportunities! You've gone places that aren't shithole Henrietta! I'm jealous, because I dont know if I'd be able to do it even if I had opportunities. I know you've been terribly anxious through most of it and probably feel mostly like you've gotten nowhere, but dude, someday real soon it's gonna pay off and be So Worth It. I'm glad at least one of us has made it that far and done things right, even though it was hard. You're fucking incredible and I look up to you so much. Maybe by the time you're graduating with your BA I'll have at least figured out what I want to do, lol.

I know you don't think so but you're amazing, and everything you've accomplished blows my mind, and I'm really proud that I get to be your friend and watch you succeed. I love you. I know life has been weird and fucked up, and hasn't exactly gone the way either of us imagined or planned it, but I'm always gonna be here. You're my best friend. Naturally, I think you're the fucking bomb. Fashionable, endearingly ditzy at times, and caring and competent and just. Wonderful.

I still owe you a night of movies and a night of drinking. We can combine those things if you want :L

You should listen to DEH, or watch the boot. You'd like it. It's sort of comedy, sort of relatable mentally ill protagonist angst, you know?

Anyway I need to post this before the app crashes again.

~Tonio

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @lunarvesta

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are mercury, jupiter and pluto. you are an extremely intelligent and open-minded person. you could experience lots of karma in your life, you may come across unfortunate events, but they'll be crucial for your self-growth. you probably have amazing communication skills too.

your dominant sign is gemini. you are a very intelligent individual, you are thirsty for knowledge and you also have great communication skills. you have a witty sense of humor, you're able to make everyone feel at ease with your sympathy. people may say you're two-faced, but in reality you just act in the most appropriate way based on the situation you're in. you despise boredom, you're very experimental in your life, but others may mistake this trait for flakiness.

your dominant element is earth. you're a loyal and stable individual. you value longevity in your relationships, and that makes you quite picky. you can easily appear as cold, as opening up to someone you don't know well is too much of a risk for you. once you do, though, you'll stay forever. money and material possessions are important for you, as you understand that financial stability is one of the main qualifications in life.

🌎 ascendant in libra, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're naturally likeable, you have a particular charm to you that makes everyone drool over you. you're very nice and outgoing, you always try to make others feel at ease. you're very considerate of others' feelings. you strive for fairness and justice, it's the way you approach others and the world. basically, you treat others like they treat you: if they're kind with you, you'll be very sweet. otherwise, you'll turn very sarcastic and harsh, almost cold at a certain point. this can make you seem extremely provocative, especially with your venus conjunct your mars. you're very opinionated, you always feel the need to express your thoughts as you're very proud of them. in addition, since you always decide whether something is right or not, you may come off as a know-it-all. on the other hand, you're very sociable and you enjoy being in company, doesn't matter whether you're with your family, friends, lover etc. you may get to know many people throughout your life, but your friendships may not be much stable. you are surrounded by people, but you could feel lonely particularly often. I also need to point out that libra is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. you're most likely very attractive and magnetic. even if not necessarily conventionally, people find themselves attracted to you. you may have sparkling doe eyes, with also full lips and a defined cupid's bow. your face is more on the longer side, perhaps you have an heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. you may also have naturally amazing, fluffy and flowing hair. your body also has a lot of curves and softness to it. your eyes could also be slightly hooded.

libra ascendant square cancer moon: you may have troubles understanding others’ real feelings for you. you may feel as if everyone hates you, like everyone is talking behind your back when it’s the opposite. you’re particularly sensitive about others’ view and opinion of you, you may get deeply hurt when people criticize you. you could have the tendency to act differently than you usually do, in order to preserve your feelings. this is obviously a toxic behaviour, that fills you up with your own stress and doubles it. due to that, you may become very moody and nervous, ending up hurting others yourself. or maybe, it’s the other way around; your feelings are so overwhelming that you can’t hide them, and that could put you in embarrassing, unpleasant situations. you may show all of your emotions on your face, ready to be read. yet, you probably don’t want to be read, therefore you end up feeling ashamed of your own emotions. the way to cope with this placement is finding someone similiar to you; someone who’s trust-worthy, and very sensitive and empathetic too. someone who’d never judge you for you think or say, and that would always help you becoming the best version of yourself. someone that understands you, without having to explain all of your behaviours and habits.

libra ascendant square cancer jupiter: you probably learn a lot from people around you. you're most likely surrounded by wise, spiritual and possibly foreign individuals in your life. they help you to grow up, both spiritually and mentally. this placement also enhances your libra rising, making you look even more outgoing and approachable. you're also very open-minded, and you rarely have prejudices. the downside to this placement is that you may be depend too much from your friends or lovers, especially when it comes to your beliefs. you're easy to influence, and you may change your mind often if others disagree with you. you could possibly have high expectations from others, creating a false idea of those who surround you. at least, you're aware of your abilities and you have the potential to make the most out of them, but you're modest about it. you don't come off as bossy as other jupiter - asc aspects would.

🌞 sun in taurus, 25° / 3rd decan ruled by venus and saturn

you’re more sharp-witted and pragmatic than the typical taurus. you value stability in both romance and in your day-to-day life, like at work. you take care of your body and style in any sort of way, as your libra ascendant confirms. after all, the 3rd decan of taurus is a great balance of beauty and brain. I imagine that you're not very extroverted, you prefer staying in, but I repeat that you still probably have nice social skills that could take a while to develop. or at least, they're your secret skills. you like keeping your mind active everyday, especially by following your passions. if you’re the logical type, you might enjoy playing sudoku or things like that. on the other hand, if you’re more philosophical you might enjoy reading, writing etc. you have a great sense of duty, that makes you want to excel in whatever you do. in addition to this, you’re also very stubborn. you probably get in arguments with others because you don’t accept their advices/criticism and prefer going your own way. you may also tend to overindulge a bit, and become a bit lazy. you're also very attached to food and you may have the tendency to overeat. yet, since you have a strong earth dominance, you probably don't gain weight easily. you enjoy the finer things in life, but you might struggle with jealousy because of that. you have the tendency to look at other people’s achievements and get disappointed about yours.

taurus sun square aquarius uranus: this aspect makes you crave independency. you like doing things your own way, especially since it’s backed up by your fixed dominance. you’re really creative and intelligent, yet this may be misunderstood by those who surround you. you stand out for the way you think and your interests, and some may even perceive you as ‘weird’. I honestly think that, if well-devolped and paired with a good use of words, this aspect can be highly beneficial for your growth. a lot of successful people, like bill gates and stephen king, have this aspect, as it gives one the ability to imagine unordinary things that can impact society in a good way.

🌙 moon in cancer, 19° / 2nd decan ruled by the moon and pluto

with your moon in cancer, your privacy and security are the centre of your life. you need to be and feel emotionally stable to fully take advantage of all of your skills; for example, if you argue with a loved one of yours, especially if it's someone from your family, you could get very unmotivated to do anything. you need to feel complete to function correctly, and when you can't, you rely on material goods; e.g you may overeat, buy a lot of useless things out of stress, drink... anything that apparently helps you to cope. on the other hand, you're very affectionate, even clingy at times, but your feelings are very pure. because of that, you may also be extremely sensitive, you could be afriad of others' judgment for example. you have a very acute maternal istinct, you're most likely the dad of your group, especially since you have a libra rising, another accommodating sign. it comes natural to you to take care of others and nurture them, you'd definitely make an amazing father. the problem with this trait is that you may sometimes take the blame for something just to protect others, you could often say white lies to help your loved ones. you just want to do something beneficial for others, you're extremely generous, but don't forget that you should take care of yourself first. also, since you feel the need to help others, you may often bottle up your emotions without anyone that is willing to help you work out your problems. make sure to always have some private space in your day-to-day life, it is extremely essential for you to develop your own ideas and also to understand what to do for your personal growth.

🗣 mercury in gemini, 9° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner, and since you also have your moon in cancer, a water sign, you may also be very intuitive. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded, even though you still rely more on logic, not like your sister sign is sagittarius. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know? mercury is also retrograde, so you may have troubles communicating your thoughts in a clear and understandable way. due to this, people may misunderstand your ideas and opinions and viceversa. you're more introspective, you're better at thinking than speaking, which may make you more of a listener.

gemini mercury conjunct gemini saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you're too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don't try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that's probably caused by the fact that you don't really pay attention to your words. you're quite straight-forward, and due to your mercury also opposing your pluto you could always seem as if you're up for a fight. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking more in school, perhaps you could apply for class president. anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

gemini mercury opposite sagittarius pluto: you may become a bit manipulative. you probably don’t even realize it, though, as you have the ability to make people do what you want them to do. you probably love being right, especially during arguments, and you always manage to be so thanks to your skills. your words are like knives for others, they can truly cut deep through their ego. you’re direct and blunt, as you just say what you have in mind with no filters. you can develop a provocative attitude without even realizing it, which can obviously cause you conflicts. you need to be more careful about how you communicate your ideas, otherwise you could seriously damage other people’s self-esteem. on the other hand, if you acknowledge your flaws and work on them, this can actually turn into diplomacy. take advantage of your interest in your inner self and of your libra rising to find out how to be a bit more gentle in choosing your words.

❤️ venus in gemini, 25° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

this is the flirtiest, most romantic gemini decan, but also the flakiest and most indecisive. your flirting style most probably includes jokes, teasing... stuff like that. even though you may seem flaky, as you like experiencing romance with different types of people, you're actually quite picky. in fact, in order to fall for someone, you need to feel mentally attracted to them, not just physically. someone ignorant and stubborn that doesn't care about learning something more definitely isn't for you. you're not the type to be super romantic and sweet with your partner or just people in general. you show your affection for example by sending them memes, making ironic jokes about them etc. also, when you're into someone, you probably get very talkative! you start asking them simple questions about their life, even things like 'did you have lunch?'. also, you talk about them with all of your friends, and you find yourself thinking costantly about them. you're very curious of nature, but you're only interested in getting to know what catches your eye.

gemini venus opposite sagittarius pluto: you find yourself having crushes on random people often, love at first sight could be common for you. but when you seriously fall for someone, they’re your only thought. you start searching for info about them online, and you wanna become a part of their life too. you love intensely, but not everyone may enjoy that. there are people that could feel overwhelmed by your love, others that would vibe with you and offer you the same kind of affection. ironically, you tend to attract bold, but also independent people that most of the time don’t want anything serious. you’re prone to get jealous and possessive very easily, and this makes you suffer, as you may think there’s something wrong with you. maybe, it may even remind you of something that happened during your childhood, perhaps your parents were also very protective of you. love for you is a constant grow; your relationships will be hard, but there’ll always be something to learn to improve yourself and your confidence. little side-note, you may often date karmic partners, aka partners from your past lives, so you may often experience this 'I’ve already seen you before’-vibe in your new encounters and relationships, and you’ll always learn something from all your relationships.

gemini venus conjunct gemini mars: in relationships, you're probably very intense. you feel strong feelings, and you have no troubles expressing them to your partner. you could even get clingy at some point, even though you could not realize it at first. you're a passionate lover, and you most probably love physical affection. that means that you need a partner that is just as passionate and bold as you are. you may be dominant in relationships, hence you need someone who can stand up for themselves and keep up with you. loving you is a challenge, and you need someone who's willing to try you. the bad side of this aspect is that you may be quite impulsive when it comes to relationships; you could break up with someone all of a sudden, or perhaps you could get angry easily. you're quite dramatic, but you cool down in a short amount of time if it's nothing too serious. you need someone that understand this side of you, and that is willing to stay and accept you with all your flaws.

☄️ mars in gemini, 22° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

you're driven by the sense of intelligence. your intellect is your greatest strenght, it's your energy tank. you're interested in a bunch of things, and hence you may have troubles staying focused on one thing at the time. you probably have tons of hobbies, and you may end up not being much precise since you have tons of things that you have and want to do. you cannot stand boredom, you need your day-to-day life to be exciting and, above all, offer you something new to learn and / or experience. you probably fancy being very active: you go out often, you workout, you may also be the type to love partying and things like that. you're extremely witty and curious, and you want to live your life to the fullest. you may often change your style, your opinions, maybe even your personality, and that could make you seem confusing and / or unreliable.

gemini mars opposite sagittarius pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, and I find this beneficial considering that your gemini energy tends to make one superficial. with this aspect, you're probably more dedicated than the common gemini.

🏡 houses, interceptions

your 1st house is in libra. you have a peaceful approach to the world; you most likely don’t like conflicts, you prefer avoiding them, even though you may have some troubles with that due to your blunt gemini mercury opposite pluto. you probably care a lot about your appearance, and because of that you could get insecure from time to time. usually, people with libra in their 1st house look for themselves in others, as their chart is basically upside down. your ideas may often depend on what others think for example, or perhaps you're very sensitive about others' criticism about your looks for example. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 9th house: you could be foreign, or perhaps you have a foreign 'appearance'', people may mistake you as a foreigner. you have a very free-spirited vibe around you, but you also look very approachable. you may be interested in philosophy, literature, possibly also in travelling and foreign languages and cultures. they most likely play an important role in your life.

your 2nd house is in scorpio. this placement can make you seem a bit selfish. in fact, you’re extremely possessive of your possessions, you don’t want to share them with others. there’s a lot of karma around your finances. in fact, if you’re too stingy, it may bite your butt. you need to give in order to receive, so I’d suggest you to share your things more with others. you could share a meal with a friend, for example. you’ll surely get something positive back from it. your finances may not be stable either; they are in constant change, and while this placement can make you earn quite a great amount of money, it can also make you lose everything you have. no inbetweens. the 2nd house is also about self-esteem, your relationship with your appearance. you have contrasting feelings about it; some days, you’re very confident. other days, you hate yourself. you may find flaws in every single picture you take or every pants you try on. it’s a very intense placement, as you may often feel as if you need to change your appearance in order to love yourself. based on other placements in your chart, it could indicate that you overwork yourself to feel more confident. studying, travelling and just feelings smart in general also makes you gain more security in yourself.

your 3rd house is in sagittarius, with also your pluto and chiron placed there. this is an amazing placement for a writer! you’re extremely open-minded and philosophical. you’d probably do great at poetry or just literature in general. you’re thirsty for knowledge, you aspire to learn everything you can, you enjoy being smart and educated. you most likely love comedy, and you have an amazing sense of humor yourself, you’re able to light up the room and make everyone burst into laughter even if you don’t mean to. you’re also very intelligent, you’re able to memorize things fast and you’re also a fast-learner. you may be less into gossips than other libras, as you’re very benevolent and considerate of others’ feelings. in addition, you’re able to see the good in everyone, there’s no reason for you to talk behind someone’s back. actually, it’s the opposite. you’re quite impulsive, you say things as they are. pluto here, in fact, makes it impossible for you to hide your emotions. if you feel sad or angry, people will most likely be able to tell. on the other hand, you’re particularly expressive and deep with your words, they're very memorable in a certain sense. people may find themselves thinking about what you said for days, as you may often hide hidden meanings beyond your sentences. chiron here also makes you very self-conscious about your ideas, though. you may often have great ideas, but you end up keeping them for yourself as you're afraid of saying something wrong. perhaps, you could even have some problems to your voice itself, you could stutter often for example. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 10th house: your job may involve communication, you'll most probably interact with other people in your future career. or maybe, you might write stuff, hence you could be a writer, a journalist, etc. possibly, you would do well as a therapist too. you may also communicate through artistic outlets, hence you could be an actess, a singer, etc.

your 4th house is in capricorn, with also neptune placed there. I can tell that your childhood was quite complex. not necessarily bad, but there were a few things that you still remember to this day. your parents could have been very hard-working and focused on work, possibly wealthy too. they were very responsible and cared a lot about you, they always made sure you had everything you needed, even though they could have been slightly absent from time to time due to their jobs. they could have also been quite strict or over-protective, perhaps even violent and controlling. or maybe, one of them could have even died. your parents may also be divorced. people with a capricorn ic usually find something missing in their childhood, they had to deal with responsibilities from a young age. it could even be that you started working when you were still a teen. in addition, neptune could have made you a bit more insecure as a child than other capricorn ics. you weren’t much extroverted, you preferred staying in, drawing, playing games etc. possibly, you were also close to arts. the ruler of the 4th house is in the 9th house: you could come from a foreign place, or perhaps you moved houses a lot during your childhood. perhaps, you have someone in your family that is from a different country, culture or religion from yours, or perhaps they're able to speak more than one language. your parents could have been very successful at school, they could actually be professors. you might've always been a smart kid, you could've grown up learning more languages and you were most likely good at school too. you also got to make lots of experiences during your childhood, you might have travelled a lot.

your 5th house is in aquarius, with also uranus placed there. you’re extremely creative, your ideas are very innovative, and you may have particular hobbies, interests or taste than others. when you’re able to fully express yourself, you gain full security and you start experimenting and inventing new things. you could be the type to start new fashion trends, music styles, art styles… basically, you’re a creative genius. your hobbies may also involve astrology, as well as human studies like psychology, or also anything that has to do with technology. you may be into videogames for example, tv series, social media… they’re your way to spend your free-time and relax. your relationships may also be very unconventional; you could usually date people online, or perhaps you may have the potential to meet someone through dating apps. they’re quite unstable, they may end out of the blue for example.

your 6th house is in pisces. in your daily life, you hardly ever have a structured schedule. you go with the flow, you take things as they come. you may often have your head in the clouds, you could get distracted easily and you may literally creative oscar-worthy movies in your head instead of doing what you need to do. your job may involve arts, images, possibly even fame. you should definitely use your creative talents for your possible career. also, you could benefit from helping others; you could be a psychologist or therapist of any kind, a nurse… any place where you’re able to help others. again, you could also help others through your art, hence with your lyrics, books, etc. when it comes to diets, workout routines, skincare routines etc. you could lack consistency, even though your venusian energy makes you more motivated to take care of your appearance. you may sleep a lot, it’s easy for you to feel tired and stressed even when you’re not over-working yourself.

your 7th house is in aries. love is most likely not your priority in life. you need independence, and you’re able to stand up for yourself on your own. you don’t need someone else to help you. you tend to attract partners in your life that are hot-headed, stubborn, assertive and goal-oriented. they strive to be the best at everything they do, they’re extremely competitive and willing to do anything to achieve their goals. basically, you attract very dominant partners, and your other placements suggest that you're quite fine with it, you like being nurtured in a relationship. you may often experience power struggles between you and your partner, which cause you issues in every relationship you get in. in fact, at the same time, you wouldn’t stand someone too submissive either, as you still need someone that would mentally stimulate you. they may actually be quite selfish and self-centered, they’ll care more about their own development rather than that of you two as a couple. an aries 7th house indicates that while you’ll have a very active, passionate spouse, you may also experience lots of arguments and discussions in your marriage life, perhaps even physical violence since mars doesn't make very positive aspects, so beware of that. the ruler of the 7th house is in the 9th house: you may meet your future spouse abroad, or perhaps they're foreign. they could also be from a different culture from yours, or at least they're able to speak more than a language. they'll be very open-minded, but also quite impulsive.

your 8th house is in taurus, with also your sun sitting in this house. you have the most stable, stubborn sign in a house that requires constant change. you probably hate changing your routine and stepping out of your comfort zone. changes are hard for you to accept; you find it hard to change job all of a sudden for example, or even letting go of a toxic friend of yours can be stressful for you. also, you could be quite materialistic and fond of material possessions, causing you to be a bit too stingy, which isn’t good for your karma. another reason that this house contrasts with your 2nd house in scorpio is that you feel like you constantly need to change, but ironically slow taurus makes your changes way slower than usual. sometimes, when they happen, they’re so subtle that you probably can’t even see them or at least notice them at first. yet, they'll actually become the centre of your life. in fact, your existence in this lifetime revolves around constant improvements and learning lessons. this placement may also indicate that you could get an inheritance, even though there may some troubles around it due to your poorly aspected venus. you could also have a violent or painful death.

your 9th house is in gemini, with also mercury, saturn, venus and mars in a stellium. you’re most likely extremely curious about anything the world has to offer. you want to make new experiences and adventures, you want to find out anything about other cultures, places, etc. to open your mind and gain some new knowledge. you probably love travelling, and you may have quite a few dream destinations to visit. the 9th house is also about higher education, and hence you’re probably successful at school. you most likely enjoy studying, and you could get more than one degree actually. or perhaps, you got to study different subjects before choosing your final university, you were quite indecisive at first. you may as well be bilingual, or at least you’re extremely talented at foreign languages. you can probably mimic different accents pretty well, even if you don’t visit other countries. you may also have eccellent communication skills, overall, which could be extremely useful for your future career, but I’ll talk about that later. it could be that your family is also bilingual / foreign, or perhaps they have a different religion / culture. you could also live abroad, possibly with them. venus in this house indicates that you may often date people from a different nationality or culture from yours, and perhaps you'll actually marry someone from abroad as the rest of your chart suggests. you may also find yourself falling for unavailable people, and hence they could either be physically unavailable, like celebrities for example, or even emotionally. they could be already taken, for example. last but not least, saturn is also in this house: you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don't want others to tell you what to do, but saturn here may make you struggle to achieve your individuality. perhaps, during your childhood, you were restricted from acting the way you wanted. it's like your ideas were disrespected, and you weren't allowed to embrace them, or perhaps you were afraid of the consequences. it may be that when you try to break free from what you consider to be a limitation, you may come across a few struggles that could possibly hurt you. luckily, this is an aspect that will naturally get better time with time as you get more mature. the ruler of the 9th house is in the 9th: you’re an open-minded person who’s probably into history, literature/poetry, philosophy etc. you may also have a knack for studying different languages and travelling a lot, as they help you increase your creativity and hence your inner child.

your 10th house is in cancer, with also the moon and jupiter sitting there. your career needs to be private. that doesn’t mean that you can’t become famous of course, but you prefer being more hidden at job, you may even work from home or from a young age. many celebrities with this placement, in fact, started working when they were still young. also, cancer indicates that your future job will give you the opportunity to express and / or deal with your / others’ feelings and emotions, and considering that the ruler of this house, the moon, is in the 3rd house, I can see you working in the communication field. you could become a writer, a singer, an actress, as well as a nurse, a therapist… anything that allows you to express your emotions while also communicating something is suitable for you. you could possibly also choose the same career as your parents, or you may handle the family’s business for example. you could also end up doing the job of your childhood dreams. you feel the need to pursue a meaningful career in your life, you want to feel emotionally connected to it. you don’t only want something that allows you to earn money, you also want to gain wisdom and maturity from a job, and hence you could even be a bit picky in choosing your future career. yet, you'll be extremely successful and lucky, as jupiter is your most elevated planet. you'll approach your career with optimism, you'll find joy in working, and that will pay you back.

your 11th house is in leo. with this placement, you’re probably very popular among your friends, you’re most likely the most talkative or funniest member of your group. you may also attract very popular people yourself in your friendships, perhaps even celebrities. possibly, you could even make friends that allow you to gain recognition and / or popularity, doesn’t matter whether it’s in school, job, etc. your friends could also help you feeling more confident, you may be way more talkative and sociable when you're in their company, their presence comforts you. you have big dreams for your future, you want to be praised and recognized for your success, and you may actually dream of fame, even though I don't think it's exactly your case. you'd rather be successful in your small environment. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 8th house: you may often receive gifts from your friends. they could be particularly wealthy, too. or maybe, they are your soulmates, and you may learn a lot from them. you could sometimes discuss, but those events will just help you to grow up.

your 12th house is in virgo. this is another placement that indicates that you are an amazing writer! in fact, the 12th house is about secret skills too, and virgo is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication. you do the math. with this placement, though, I feel like you may feel restricted from pursuing your goals, or even a career in the public eye, as you’re quite sensitive to others’ criticism about you. you strive to be perfect all the time, and your libra rising wants to constantly have a nice reputation. a scandal, or even simple haters, would probably be the end of you. you also have venus placed here, meaning that deep down, you actually crave affection from someone else. yet, you may be afraid, or perhaps too shy to approach a possible partner. but remember, the 12th house is also the house of secret talents! in fact, especially with your libra rising, you’re extremely likeable. you shouldn’t be afraid of not being liked back, for example. remember that your love life will get better with time, as you become more mature in that field.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract aries, aquarius, leo and virgo placements. your future spouse will most likely have leo and virgo traits placements, maybe a leo - virgo cusp. they’ll be very similiar to you: bold and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert, a social gathering… possibly, even online, as I’ve already mentioned before. also, your spouse will most likely be your friend at first, or perhaps you'll get to meet them through your friends. your children will have strong aquarius, possibly capricorn placements. they’ll be very dreamy, they’ll have big goals for their life, and they’ll also be extremely intelligent and creative as well.

👶🏻 family life

your father is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for himself when he has to, but he may struggle to do that. he’s very smart, caring and optimistic, and he could come from a different country from yours. maybe he’s of another religion, or he can speak other languages. he could have cancer placements in his chart, possibly sagittarius too. your mother, on the other hand, is a bit more serious and focused on work, but she always made sure you always had what you needed. she was probably the strict parent in the family, I feel like you probably have a better relationship with your dad than with her. also, she may have capricorn, aquarius, pisces or sagittarius placements in her chart. if you have siblings, they most likely have sagittarius, pisces and scorpio placements in their chart. they could also be foreign or skilled at foreign languages, and you may feel very at ease with them. you have an amazing bond with them, you’re able to both relax and have fun together, even though there could have been some power struggles during your early years, you were very jealous.

📊 career

with jupiter as your most elevated planet, I assume you would do well at any career that involves foreign languages. you may work for a multinational agency like the onu, for example. or perhaps, you could be a translator, or you'll just directly move abroad to work. you may also have to travel often. or perhaps, since jupiter is also about education, you could become a teacher or even a professor. you may teach foreign languages, for example, or perhaps you may even work with children, or just people younger than you in general. with that 9th house stellium of yours, you love knowledge and you're also very open-minded, you'd definitely make a great teacher. you could also be great at writing too.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

I imagine you put a lot of effort into your outifts, yet you don’t show it. you want to look effortlessly good, you don’t want to give the impression that you tried. your style may be quite minimalistic and simple, with lots of jeans, sweatshirts, plain t-shirts… I see you being more into natural shades, like white, grey, beige etc. you’re also not very fond of using too many accessories, you’re stylish but still very simple. you have this natural charm to you, hence you still look good even though your outfits may not be too complex.

👁 past life, life purpose

during your past life, it was hard for you to get out of your comfort-zone. you preferred staying in your small environment rather than challenge yourself. that made you again awareness of how to act in small communities, but this lifetime you need to go farther than that. you need to prove that what you learned in your past life is the key to nurture your skills, and be able to apply them in a larger environment. you may find yourself travelling a lot, gaining lots of widsom from your experiences... in this lifetime, you basically need to learn through the communication abilities you gained in your previous life.

🤔 major transits analysis / september 22nd

uranus is currently transiting your 8th house, and it's going to be conjunct your sun in a few months; I'd keep an eye on this placement, as it can signify a sudden event that could literally change your life, especially since it's going to touch your natal sun. as of now it's not harshly aspected, so I don't think there are many negative effects of it in your life, but it could even manifest as a sudden death. anything that will force you to react and change something in yourself. also, transit mars is currently in your 7th house; you may often find yourself having arguments with people lately, especially with romantic partners, so try to choose your words wisely to avoid conflicts.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

your secret skills revolve around finances and just security in general. with a positive attitude, you may attract material luck: money, clothes, houses… everything that you desire. since you’re a logical person, I assume the most efficient way for you to manifest through the LOA is writing! take a notebook and just write down positive affirmations, such as 'I have the car of my dreams’ etc. you may also write them on post-its and glue them around your house, so that you can accelerate the progress. you can also try to idealize your wish before trying to manifest it. for example, if you want a new sweatshirt, try to imagine yourself wearing it. you could also go into a shop and actually try that sweatshirt it on; being in contact with it will boost the law of attraction even more.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading :) hope it resonated with you!