#this came about after i did a 1 minute from memory drawing challenge with some irl friends for a bunch of dr characters (+ some others)

[realjonahofficial]

Tenna POV.

(No vibrations ver.)

[badwritinghabit]

Hello and Goodbye (part 1) | Chef Luca x fem!Reader

Next Chapter

Authors Note: I got a notification today telling me it is the one year anniversary since I started this blog (!!!) so I decided to celebrate by writing something I've had on my mind since I watched season 3 of The Bear. It was a fun writing exercise! It was done in one day so there has been even less editing than usual but I hope y'all still enjoy it. I'm tempted to make a part 2 that is the smut (and/or fluff) that would follow so let me know if you are interested in that!

Warnings: Some making out and references to past sexual encounters. Still not appropriate for minors. References to injuries from working in a restaurant.

Word count: 2,439

Summary: You attend the funeral for Ever and run into Luca. You shared a night together years ago, before he moved away and now that you are back in the same city you find yourselves drawn to each other again. (Coworkers to friends to more?)

You take a breath, calming yourself as you stand outside Ever the day of the funeral. Chef Andrea Terry is a dear friend and mentor. You are happy for her and this new chapter of her life. And you’re excited to see her again, to celebrate with her. It is the rest of the guests that make you nervous. One guest in particular. 

Luca.

You had worked with Luca only briefly, he was already on his way out when you started at Ever. You’d been eager and ready for the challenge when you started. And he’d been kind. It was only the second professional kitchen you’d worked in since culinary school. The first had been harder, the head chef an angry, bitter sort that took out his frustration on the kitchen staff, and as the prep cook you took a lot of the heat. 

At Ever, you started as a line chef under Luca as the sous chef. You learned a lot from Luca. More than that, he had become your friend.

You remember the nights he’d come sit with the rest of the cooks on their smoke breaks. Leg pressed against your own as you shared a makeshift seat– pallets from ingredients dropped off earlier in the day, overturned buckets, whatever you could find. Luca would seek you out during service too. He would offer advice but more than that, he’d walk by and tease you, say something to lighten the mood, pull you back to earth when you were getting overwhelmed. You were so focused on improving your skills, keeping your head down and getting your work done. Somehow Luca seemed to know when you were stuck in your head. His companionship helped you grow without completely burning out. The month you spent working together brought you close, fast. He learned all about your life, your interests, your family. And you learned all about him. 

You walk into the restaurant, wrapping the shawl around your shoulders a little tighter. As you walk through the front hall of Ever, your eyes land on the board of photos from the restaurant’s history. The one that draws your eyes first is one of you, Luca, and Andrea standing around the first dish you had created for the menu. Luca’s face was turned towards you while you beamed at the camera, proud of your accomplishment. A soft smile lights your face at the memory. 

“You came,” you hear Chef Andrea’s voice a second before you feel her arms around you. You lean into her, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she does the same in response. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you respond with a smile. “I was just looking at the old pictures.”

“I remember this one,” she points to the same one you were looking at. “I loved that dish. The preparation of the cherries. I knew you’d go on to do big things.” Her kind smile makes you flush in embarrassment. And pride. You bump your shoulder into hers as you both look over the board. “Luca and you always did stick close together,” she says thoughtfully. She points to a few of the photos in particular. After a moment, “He arrived just a few minutes ago.” 

You hum in response, hoping to sound uninterested. Her knowing grin lets you know you failed. 

“Come on, join the party.” She pulls you into the dining room, squeezing your shoulders before she steps away. 

You look around the room, searching through the guests. Your eyes are immediately drawn to Luca, standing to the side and eagerly talking to another Chicago chef that you think you recognize. The other chef seems to be getting a little irritated at Luca’s questioning and you can’t help but smile. Luca had always been a bit of a nerd about cooking, always asking questions, wanting to learn more. You always found it charming but could see that this other chef didn’t agree.

Luca looks almost exactly the same as you remember him. Unbearably handsome. He’s dressed up today for the funeral and something about his all black outfit, his slicked back hair brings back memories of his last day at Ever. His going away party had led to a few too many drinks. You stayed the latest, helping clean up his living room, dancing to the music still pumping from his speakers. One second you were giggling at him about something he said and the next his lips were warm against yours, his hands gripping your hips. The next morning you woke tangled in his sheets and his arms. He was leaving the country, you knew it couldn’t last. And yet you’d buried your face in his chest and held him tighter anyways. 

You blink away the memory, embarrassed as you realize Luca is now meeting your gaze. You smile at him and look away before you can see his reaction, trying to find another friendly face in the crowd. 

You spot Sydney, a chef you’d gotten to know recently. You step towards her only to notice that she is sitting with Carmen, another chef you worked with at Ever. You smile at them both as you join them at the table. “Is this seat open?” you ask. Syd grins and stands to give you a hug. Carmen watches with an awkward shift of his feet as you pull away from Syd, clearly considering whether he should do the same. You put him out of his misery by pulling him into a quick hug as well. 

“It’s good seeing you both!” you say as you sit down. “I went to your restaurant the other day. It’s really extraordinary.”

Sydney waves off your compliments, and your conversation flows easily. The whole table of chefs sharing stories and joking.

You feel him before you see him. His hand grips the back of your chair as he slides into the seat next to you. He says your name and you turn to look at him. His hand slides from the back of the chair to your shoulder. You tense underneath him, his hand warm against the skin only partially covered by the strap of your dress. 

“Luca. Hey,” his name comes out too soft, your face already heating under his gaze. You smile at him before looking back at Sydney who is giving you a questioning look, raising her eyebrows. 

You scrunch your nose in reply as you grab the glass in front of you and take a big drink, steadying yourself. Luca greets the others at the table but quickly turns back to you as the conversation goes on. 

“I was hoping to see you here,” he says. Your eyes are on his hand, holding his champagne flute as he sets it back on the table. Now you’re thinking about his hands on you, the slow unzipping of your dress, fingers dexterously unclasping your bra. You clear your throat.

“I’m living in Chicago again, it wasn’t much of a trip for me. I’m a little surprised you made the trek,” you respond.

“I had heard that. That you were back here.” He pauses. “I had to say goodbye to Ever. There’s a lot of good memories here.” You feel a tingle down your back. It feels directed at you, his comment. But he has always had that power; to make it feel like you are the only other person in the room. 

“You’re right. A lot of good memories,” you reply with a smile.

He leans towards you a little closer. "You're beautiful," he says, voice low in your ear. Your cheeks warm. He pulls away a little and says, voice lighter as if to soften his statement, "I like your dress."

Before you can think of a response, Andrea stands up and gives a toast to the guests, her friends, and the restaurant. By the end, you feel tears in your eyes and blink them away, embarrassed. It is the end of an era, after all. It feels big. And final. You take in a breath as you feel Luca squeeze your hand gently in his own. You twine your fingers together and squeeze back. The moment has distracted you and the tears dry up. 

As the meal concludes, you follow Luca into the kitchen and hop up on your old station. Sitting on the stainless steel table feels nostalgic. He leans against the table by your side and pours more champagne in your glass. Going on three glasses of champagne has settled your nerves and you and Luca are laughing as you talk about the last few years. You ask about Copenhagen, about his time training with Marcus, the pastry chef at The Bear. He asks about your time in Chicago. 

You take a drink and set your glass down next to you. “Do you remember when I sliced my hand open at this station?” you ask, legs swinging slowly. You hold your palm out in front of you. “I think that was the worst cut I’ve ever given myself. I can still see the scar.”

“Of course I remember. It wouldn’t stop bleeding and you just kept wrapping it up in gauze and plasters instead of going to the emergency room.” He shakes his head and reaches over to hold your hand between his, thumb softly tracing the line of scarred tissue on your hand. He steps away from the bench so he can stand directly in front of you. You watch as he lifts your hand and presses a soft kiss in the middle of your palm. Your heart skips a beat as he looks up from your palm and into your eyes. 

“I missed you,” you admit, softly, his hands tightening around your own. 

“I missed you too.” His voice is heavy as he leans closer to you. He reaches out with one of his hands and brushes your hair away from your face, palm warm against your cheek. So gentle. Your eyes close as he leans closer. 

You hear Syd’s voice echo from the hall, “After party at my place! Just down the block.”

You open your eyes to see that Luca has pulled away a little. After a moment he asks, “Should we go to the afterparty?” You nod but don’t move to get up.

Syd walks in and you are still a little too close to not raise suspicion. “After party,” she says, pointing her thumb behind her. 

“We’ll follow you!” you respond, sliding down from the table, Luca holding your hand until you have time to steady yourself on your feet. 

Syd shoots you a smile before walking back the way she came. 

“We should get back to this later though,” you say, biting your lip as he grins back at you. 

He wraps his arm around your shoulder and leads you out, following your group of friends to Syd’s apartment. 

---------------

It’s a fun– if not strange, little party. Some friends of Syd’s bring a keg, you eat cheap frozen pizzas prepared by one of your favorite chefs in the whole world. You dance with Syd and Luca and Andrea, and at one point Richie, the boisterous front of house from The Bear. The night is a blur of laughter and music. 

After a song ends, you head to the kitchen to get some water, sliding past Andrea who is slathering jam over Eggo waffles fresh out of the toaster. Luca follows a second later and you both sneak out the side door onto the back stairwell behind the house. As you step into the chilled air, you shiver. You turn back to face Luca and find him only a step away. His hand grips hot against your hip, urging you to move closer. Without thinking, you reach up and wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug, your cheek against his chest. The music follows you outside, and Luca sways gently with you in his arms. You press yourself closer. 

He’s humming along, the sound reverberating through his chest. You remind yourself that he lives in Copenhagen. That he is just here for Ever. But even if it is just for one night, you want to make the most of it.

You pull away slightly and he loosens his hold. Before he can get too far, you press yourself up on your toes and he responds immediately. His lips press against yours soft at first, and then firm. You open your mouth for him and everything changes. 

His hands grip you tight, pulling you against his chest. He swallows your quiet whine of surprise as the kiss turns passionate. Every part of you is on fire. It’s better even then you remember. His rich, smoky scent makes you a little dizzy. You’re caught up in him. You gasp for breath as he pulls away. But it only lasts a second and then he is lifting you onto the railing, pressing himself against you fully. You feel the hard muscles of his arms as they hold you to him. You’re at a similar height now but he is standing between your legs, your skirt hiked up to your thighs. Your hand lowers from his shoulders to his chest, feeling the heat of his skin through the soft fabric. You grip the cloth and pull him even closer, goosebumps raise on your arms as you feel him groan into your mouth. Then his hands are everywhere, sliding from your hip to your thigh. His hand is hot against the bare skin cool in the night air. His other hand is tangling in your hair, tilting your face so he can kiss you exactly as he wants. 

He pulls back again after there is a loud clanging inside. Someone shouts something but it is followed by laughter. You catch your breath as you look at him. Some of your lip gloss is still on his lips. You can’t help but smile, reaching up to rub the shimmer off for him. He smiles against your thumb. 

“I’m going to be in Chicago for a few months,” he says, watching for your reaction. 

“Months?” 

He nods and suddenly it all feels different. You thought this couldn’t be more than one night. But he was staying for months. You realize you should say something but words escape you. “That’s good,” you blurt out. 

He smirks but you can see his cheeks turning pink. “Good, huh?”

You nod and pull his shirt to get him to stand closer to you again. “Really good.” 

He leans down and presses another kiss to your lips. “Really good,” he agrees.

[clevercatchphrase]

Ghost Switch’s 4th Birthday~

Ahh... Another year down and we’re about 2/3rds done with the Snowdin arc! GOD I hope I finish within the next year, preferably before the end of 2022, but I can’t accurately guesstimate that far ahead. 

I don’t really have a full color comic like I did that last two years, but I DO want to take a minute to appreciate my art improvement this last year, ESPECIALLY with Asgore. Geez, I remember having THE HARDEST time drawing his face 3 years ago in 2019 when he showed up in the first memory, but now??

LOOK👏AT👏THAT👏GLOW UP!

Still no mustache but at this point there ain’t gonna be any on him in the comic. God, he looks so much more huggable now (and younger too!). And comparing the older pages side-by-side the newest ones, I just cannot fathom that I ever made my lineart so thin. Trying to do that now would be impossible for me. I like my lines THICK, if you know what I’m saying (what I am saying is that I just cannot set my brush size to anything less than 14 these days, and that’s only on the SMALL drawings. Big ones are a minimum of 20)

Looking over my art from the past year, have I learned anything new??? 

No. No, I don’t think so. Comic making is still fun, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of it~ Making 11 pages in the span of 3ish weeks was quite the challenge, though. It always feels so nice to have a big buffer, and not have to worry about falling behind on pages. It was rewarding and irritating that the third memory, which normally would have taken 2 MONTHS to tell got finished in 3 weeks. God, I wish I could keep up that pace for the rest of the snowdin arc, but that pace is just unsustainable for me in the long run.

SPEAKING OF THE THIRD MEMORY, I have a funny story to tell. For those unaware, I started scripting Ghost Switch in the middle of 2017 (exactly 1 year before the first page was posted, to be exact) and while I knew all the major story beats well before I started, some of the finer details, like minor characters, were still undecided even after I started making pages. One of those was to be Chara and Asriel’s private tutor.

I was already kinda spit balling ideas on a partner for Gerson, since Gerson himself is recognizable in Undertale and thus the fandom. Though honestly, I didn’t really want to make up OCs to be paired with canon characters. (no shade to those who do, I just don’t feel like I could ever create a OC who has the same... “status”? or “importance”? as a canon character does when it comes to acceptance by the fandom at large, and nor do I even want to try)

A year in, and I still haden’t solved the “Partner for Gerson” problem, so imagine my delight when deltarune came out

and I saw this beautiful man

It was pure serendipity.

Or so I thought.

And so, after learning about this new character named Alvin, I finalized my script and ignorantly went about my life, chewing away at this comic for the next 3 years.

Ignorance really is bliss, but last year, while I was listening along to the 6th Undertale anniversary Deltarune Chapter 1 live stream in which the Dog himself was apart in, Toby dropped this bombshell on me that I had never deduced;

I was a little upset by this.

Okay, maybe more than a little. I was absolutely furious at what this meant for me. And yes, I did see the drawing in the unused classroom that had alvin’s name on it. But honest to god, hand on heart, I thought it was a picture OF Alvin, and that the artist had titled it as such. It totally didn’t click to me that it was a drawing BY Alvin of his DAD. (And can you really blame me?? There weren’t too many identifiable features on that tiny square of pixels!)

But, hey, this is just Toby talking off the record. As long as the game itself didn’t confirm it, I was good, right? They could still be 2 unrelated gay turtle monsters in my comic, right?

Well, when I first played chapter 2, I didn’t really care much about what was happening in the dark world, but once I was back in the overworld, you know I bee-lined it to the church, hoping to find NOTHING honestly. But no. You talk to Alvin in the graveyard and he flat out confirms he’s Gerson’s son. There was canon evidence that they were related. I was devastated.

 At a loss of what to do. My script was finalized for this memory, my dialogue typed, my dominoes set up. What was I to do? Should I alter some text? Or just keep it as is? Sure, what I have written down could be read as either platonically or romantically, but I don’t want people to think I’m implying things I’m not!

I JUST WANTED THE TURTLES TO BE GAY, NOT INCESTUOUS, DAMMIT!

In the end, I decided not to change very much. There was never any direct mention of what kind of relationship Gerson and Alvin had in my comic, and for all I care, they are not related in this story. I guess the joke’s on me for trying to take a “minor NPC” from an unfinished game and using him for my own ends. My, my, how god doth laugh at the sight of my suffering.

Thanks for reading my comic and continuing to stick around, guys. It really means a lot to me.

[morroodle]

Morrotober Overview

October is over and morrotober is done! I actually made it all the way through without missing a single day (I swapped 2 days because I have a terrible concept of time but that dosent count). I'm so proud of myself. I've tried an October drawing challenge year after year but I always gave up and burned out after the first week so this is a huge accomplishment.

I'm not quite sure what made this year different but there are a few things I think might have helped:

Morro is my blorbo and ninjago is my hyperfixation. I'm already obsessed and thinking about it daily so this wasnt too different

I gave myself flexibility. Even though I ended up doing one for every day I never was going to force myself to do so, I had the freedom to skip a day if I didn't want to do it.

Flexibility pt. 2: I didn't make a full drawing every day. I allowed myself to put in as much or as little effort as I wanted which removed some of the pressure and worked better with my schedule

Now for some fun stuff! A recap of the art I made this month and my thoughts on some of the peices.

My favorite peice: day 29 - au/the movie

This was so much fun and I'm so happy with how it turned out. I couldn't decide on one au to draw since I have so many and keep making them so I just did a bunch! (Copy paste my best friend) I've had a bunch of ideas for designs bounching around for a while and getting to draw a handful of them with less effort than a full drawing which is great for my mental health. Honestly I liked making this and the results so much that I'm probably gonna do more of these with more designs.

Least favorite: day 1 - torment/chains

A dissapointing start to the challenge but luckily things only went uphill from here. The reason i dont like it is because this is one of those instances where the idea I have in my head is above my skill level. Additionally this is one of the ones that took the longest which is extra dissapointing considering I don't even like the result. I am proud of the hands though!

Most effort: day 14 - crew

I am NOT used to doing more than like 2 characters in one drawing and this was a challenge. Figuring out a pose for all of them was hard and I had to get creative with Wrayth cause he came last. I originally wanted to put a ghost dragon behind them too but that was just more effort and time than I had. Funny story about this one actually! I completed the base sketch for 3/5 of the characters but then my computer got fucky and I had to restart it. I saved the drawing but when I tried to open it I got the dreaded clip studio Unsupported File Format and had to restart ;-; I spent like half an hour trying to restore but had to give up in the end and restart.

Least effort: day 23 - memories

Little guy. Tiny dude. Took like 5 minutes and I love it. I didn't realize just how small I made him until I got a reblog saying they couldn't find him.

Most popular: day 5 - rope

Would have liked for some of my other drawings to get some of the attention this one got but honestly I'm not suprised it got so popular. It's a masterpiece.

Least popular: day 12 - underwater/submarine

Guess people don't want morro to be destinkified

Extra: day 6 - skeleton

This dude literally showed up on google?? I made that???? The funny part is the link dosent even lead to my blog or tumblr

Additional notes: wait what am I supposed to do now?? I think I forgot how to have free time?? For an entire month it's just been school eat sleep and morrotober but now it's over I don't know what to do with myself. A

Did I enjoy this? Yes. Will I do it again next year? Who fucking knows. Anyway back to my normal bs

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝓐𝓾𝓻𝓸𝓻𝓪 𝓐𝓼𝔂𝓵𝓾𝓶: 𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚜. 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘 × 𝙿𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎)

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟹𝙺

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚄

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

I breathed out an airy and desolate sigh through my nose, obviously I unconsciously did it a little too loud as the raven haired male sitting across from me looked down at the floor.

"It was all my fault.....wasn't it?"

I looked up, the glasses sitting on my nose bridge tilting slightly that I had to push them back up so I could study his features, or should I say, his expressions. His eyelids never blinked once, his eyes were trained on the pattern of the carpet underneath him, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. I looked with pity at the bandages wrapped around his wrists, some of the edges stained with fresh blood. I gulped slightly, my stomach threatening to spill out my meager lunch of an apple and avocado toast slice from earlier. I could handle hearing patients tell and retell me about how they stabbed their parents to death, cut off their significant other's genitals because they were unloyal to them, even tackled a deranged lunatic that once tried to...... seduce me to put mildly.......

But to this day, I can't help but get dizzy when I treat or deal with patients who are self harming victims, because yes, they are victims. Victims of their own self loathing, guilt, and depressive state that isn't their fault. It just pains me so much to see them resort to such drastic measures...

But I'm also not stupid and know some, if not most only do it for attention or to manipulate others, and Yunho is a case not far from it. Which is why I was the one sent to deal with him. All the other psychologists would have fallen for his sad puppy eyes, good looks, well built physique and would have released him too early into the world. Not that he's dangerous and a threat to society, but he's not emotionally nor mentally stable to go deal with daily life yet. And I'm not a softie by any means even if I'm patient and meek doctor when necessary. But I'm objective and I seek deeper into the true person hiding behind the front they put in front of me.

"Do you believe it was your fault Yunho?" Usually one would get scolded for answering a question with a question, but I prefer this method in order to get my patients to reason and draw out their own conclusions......

And makes them pour out their true answers.

I watch Yunho ponder for a moment.

"It has to be- otherwise she wouldn't have...wouldn't have-"

He bites back a choked sob, teeth tightening and gritting against themselves as he fails to contain his tears. His hands cover his face as he begins to cry uncontrollably, desperate and heartwrenching wails resonating throughout the 4 walls keeping us company. Reaching for the purple plaid box on the coffee table between us, I take out a few tissues and stand up from my seat. Lightly tapping on his shoulder, I whisper a 'here' to him. He thanks me, but since he's crying too hard no sound comes out his throat. For the next few minutes, he's blowing out his runny nose, all red just like his eyes from crying too hard. He's sniffling while trying to control his previous hyperventilating session. I want to hug him or at least give him a pat in the back. But I can't, I can only sit back and try to imagine the agony he's probably going through, try to put myself in his shoes as I dive deep into the event that got him here in the first place:

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

Coming back from a trip to the store, Yunho momentarily looks around confused when he heard his baby daughter crying. Quickly putting the bags on the kitchen counter, he makes his way over to the nursery that adjoined the main bedroom. Calling out for his wife, he receives no response as he walks down the hallway. He calls once more for her but stops midway as he opens the slightly ajar door. His heart stops beating and his veins run cold as he stares into the lifeless body of his beloved wife hanging in the room, feeling as if the oxygen is being ripped out from his lungs, suffocating slowly.

As if sensing his agitation, his daughter's cries from the other room grow louder, so much that they raise concern from their next door neighbor, a kind and sweet old lady who more than once has offered her help in watching over the child or help them out in any way she could. Typing in the passcode, she makes it there just in time to stop the tall male from inflicting more harm upon himself as he holds onto his wife's body in agony. Having been left with no choice, she immediately calls for an ambulance, who arrive there shortly and take him to a nearby hospital.

He was monitored 24/7 as he had a history of attempted suicide before. The nurses and doctors didn't want another episode to happen again, not wanting to leave a barely 1 year old fatherless as well as motherless. As an investigation went, police found a journal hidden deep between the mattresses on the bed. When they poured over the first pages, they knew there was much more to the story than just a doting husband who couldn't live without his wife, hence why he was relocated to the infamous asylum......

And a specialized woman was tasked to not only unmask the truth, but hopefully help a poor broken mind be put back together again.

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Hence why I'm here now, the folder I had read over and over again still on my lap. It honestly amazed me that I'd actually get to work on a case like this, and of course I took up the challenge of digging into a mind like Yunho's, not just to help him, but to leave a precedent for any other situations like this that came after.

"A precedent?" I remember the officer asking me.

"Yes. You'd be surprised just how common these types of toxic relationships there are in an everyday basis yet no one ever looks deeper because they're too focused treating a depressed person who's trying to kill themselves and don't focus on what they really are...."

Shutting the folder, I tucked it under my arm before turning on my heel.

"A manipulative individual who'll do anything to keep someone tied to them forever."

That's how I viewed Yunho, it's how I should be viewing him. At least until I could hopefully get him to change.

"How's......is my daughter ok?"

I let out a soft hum and nod as I scribbled something down on the notepad.

"She's fine. We're having someone take care of her in the meantime, don't worry."

Yunho let out a sigh of relief, fingers fidgeting against his thighs as he mustered up the courage to say something.

"Could I.....could I please see her?"

From the sad look in my eyes he could already tell the answer was negative.

"I'm sorry Yunho....I'm afraid until we see some improvement, we can't allow you to be reunited with her just yet."

I tried to keep my voice steady as I said that, bracing myself to possibly see him breakdown once more. He had already lost his wife and now learning that his only child was forced away from him could possibly send him spiraling down into another episode.

But Yunho instead took a deep breath and seemed calm.

"I understand.....it's ok..." I knew he was saying those last two words more to himself than to me.

Lifting his face up, he suddenly shocked me by looking so bright and rather happy.

"So I guess it's best if we begin right?"

Even to this day, I don't know whether I should have been delighted to have such a compliant patient.....

Or terrified.

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"Tell me Yunho, what was your first reaction when you saw your wife?"

A subtle hint of a smile curled at the corners of his lips.

"I thought she was the kindest and most caring person in the world, very pretty too. She just walked in and the room instantly lit up."

He was reminiscing about those times, I could tell. That fond look on his face was unmistakable.

"Do you believe you fell in love at first sight with her?"

His smile suddenly dissipated, eyebrows scrunching together as if recollecting memories from so long ago.

"I think.......I felt attracted to her.....but.....I don't think it was love?"

I could tell he felt conflicted with himself, but that's exactly what I wanted. I want him to question every feeling and sensation he felt at the moment so he could decide for himself if it was real or just a mere illusion he held. If he starts to second guess or question what he felt then he'd start reasoning and come to the conclusion that what he felt was wrong and mistaken. He'd see that his actions weren't justified.

"So when do you truly believe you fell in love with her?"

I stopped writing on my notepad and watched him close his eyes as he tried to pinpoint the exact time he felt whatever he thought was love.

"One night....one of our friends was feeling down in spirits. I witnessed how caring she was towards them...kindly reassuring them that they were loved, that they mattered. I vividly remember her kind eyes and loving smile as she comforted them. Then it hit me that she was that kind of person. Selfless, caring, doting, would sacrifice anything for her friends and family...... it was hard for anyone not to fall in love with her."

He turned his hand over, studying the wedding ring that he still wore to this day, the engravings of their initials being his prime interest.

"And at that moment I knew I had to have her. I couldn't let anyone else have her. I wanted her.... that love, compassion, empathy..her confidence and strong nature, I wanted-"

He stopped mid sentence and his eyes wizened in horror as he came to the realization I had foreseen long ago. He looked up at me, meeting my unwavering eyes that held no emotion at that moment.

"She had all the qualities I had always lacked in."

I took my glasses off and nodded.

"And I unconsciously wanted them for myself.... but the only way I could have them was...through her?" He seemed sickened with himself.

"Not exactly Yunho. You could have learnt to love yourself and raise your self esteem." I quickly scribbled my observation down.

"But I didn't. Instead I caged her up and slowly tore her down."

I couldn't help but let out an involuntary smile as he drew out that conclusion.

"Glad to know you've accepted that fact, even if it took several months for you to understand."

Shutting the notepad, I lifted myself up from my chair, straightening my blouse. Yunho followed suit.

"Is our session over?" He was always so polite, always escorting me out and holding the door open for me, which other doctors would have adamantly refused, too scared to come close to their patients. But not me. I let them have certain liberties at times.

"Not yet Yunho. As you've made remarkable progress, I got permission for you to see someone."

He was momentarily confused for a split second. Poor thing probably thought it was one of the nurses coming in to give him some new medication to take, which he hated with a passion. Stepping outside for a brief moment, I happily took the young baby in my arms, the little girl already used to seeing me as I always went to go see her after being with Yunho for a few hours. When I came back inside he had his back turned to me, once again staring off into nowhere. The light gurgled babbles the baby emitted caught his attention immediately. He whipped his head around so fast I thought he'd break his neck for a second. He teared up as the child began squealing in excitement as she recognized her father right away.

"Oh my-" He choked up with tears that he couldn't finish his sentence.

I calmly walked over to him, lightly bouncing the baby in my arms. Yunho hesitantly reached his hands out.

"Can I..?" He had such a hopeful glint in his eyes.

I didn't answer, I merely held his daughter out to him. As soon as she felt his embrace, she latched onto him as if he was one of the teddy bears she often slept with. Perhaps he was one.

No....he is one.

In my time of spending time with Yunho, I've come to strongly believe he is a sweet and tender individual. And judging by the way the little girl feels safe in his arms, I do believe he is capable of being truly loved.....

If he learns how to properly love not just someone else, but himself too.

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Stepping out of my car, I quickly grab the small pink bag on the passenger seat before locking it. Treading through the small patch of green grass, I ring the doorbell and wait for one of the occupants to open up for me. No surprise, I'm greeted by the same raven haired male I met nearly 3 years ago. He looks delighted to see me.

"Y/N. Hi!"

I wave at him, a small but genuine smile on my features.

"Hi Yunho. Did I come at a bad time?" I notice the apron covered in flour and leftover egg on it.

"Oh no not at all. Please come in."

Moving aside to let me pass, my nose catches the scent of baked goods filling the air. I can distinctly recognize the hints of lavender and french vanilla, an odd but surprisingly tasty combination. I spot out of the corner of my eye a little head peeking out from the kitchen, curious to know who had come to pay them a visit. Letting out a squeal, she quickly ran over to attach herself on my leg.

"Y/N!"

I chuckled and lightly run my fingers through her hair which was longer than the last time I saw it.

"Hi Jina, I see you've been baking something." We both chuckle as I scraped off some cake batter that had gotten on the tip of her button nose.

"Me and dad are making cupcakes for my friend's birthday party tomorrow." She explained.

"Wow that's a really nice gesture. I bet they'll turn out delicious."

Remembering that I was short on time and that I had one last task to carry out, I pull out the bag I had hidden behind my back and hand it to her.

"It's for you."

Her eyes began to sparkle so much they could rival all the stars in the galaxy. After thanking me like 20 thousand times, she plopped her tiny body on the couch to tear into the contents inside it. I shake my head before taking out a small paper from inside my trench coat.

"And this is for you."

Taking the slip from my fingers, Yunho opens it up and scans what it says. He seems confused for a moment, not fully understanding what it means. He looks to me once more, probably for the last time, asking for an explanation.

"It's your official release from the institution. No more drop in visits, no more eyes on you 24/7, and soon you won't have to continue with the prescribed medication, although when that happens they will send someone once in a while to check up and make sure you're ok without them."

Yunho nods but it is a rather sad and pained nod.

"So this means you won't be seeing us any longer?"

I inhale deeply and nod.

"This was a temporary thing until you got better Yunho. After all....I was only the doctor assigned to you."

It hurt me to say that as much as it probably hurt him, as much as it'd hurt Jina to know I wouldn't be coming back anymore.

"Can't we at least be friends?"

I hated seeing those puppy eyes of him practically beg me, signature trait he passed on to his daughter.

"That would be completely unprofessional of my part Yunho. I deeply cherish and treasure all the time we spent together and I'm beyond happy and satisfied that you've come so far since the start of our journey..."

I sighed deeply.

"But every journey has an end." He finished my sentence.

Extending his hand out to me, I took it and gave it a firm shake.

"I'm really going to miss you." He admitted.

"Me too. Me too."

Going over to the momentarily forgotten 4 year old, she let out an 'oof' when she suddenly found herself cooped up in my embrace.

"Take care of yourself and of your dad ok?"

I kissed the top of her head, her grinning face not registering that this might be the last time she ever saw me. Yunho walked me out the door and even escorted me all the way to my car. Always the gentleman, he held the door open for me. Before I could even get one foot inside, I felt a large hand grip my wrist. Turning to him, I was flustered when he suddenly pulled me close to him.

"Please don't leave. I need you....I..."

He looked conflicted with himself as he tried to finish his words. Taking a deep breath, he confessed:

"I love you."

My heart sank. He said the 3 words I hoped he'd never direct at me. Mainly because I was scared as he was. Don't get me wrong, Yunho is a wonderful man, and he truly deserves to be loved....

But am I certain that he has finally learned to love? Or is it because he feels he needs me?........

Only one way to find out.

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[ivyglow]

I don’t want you like a best friend - Andre Burakovsky

A/n: Sooo, I wrote this as some kind of gift to my best friend because she loves Andre and she was trying to get me on his train (I guess she did?). She’s always hitting me with “no but you should definitely write about Tito/Andre”. Here’s your piece @skarsgardswiftie​ I hope you like it! <3 I love you sm Also, a huge shout out to @sebs-aston​ for proofreading this with such an attentive eye! You’re amazing, liv! 

Requested: yes / no

Word count: 1.9k 

Warnings: brief mention of alcohol 

Summary: you’re friends with Andre, but things are about to change after you create a TikTok account and start doing challenges that may lead to news between you and your favorite hockey player.

When it comes to capturing a moment you’re usually the person your friends think about, not simply because you’re always carrying a camera -mainly because of it-, but because you’re great with what you do -either photos or videos-. That’s also why your Instagram profile has more followers than an ordinary girl would and it’s the only place people can find you -besides e-mail-. However, that changed when your best friend -Callie- convinced you to create a TikTok account. You, of course, hated it, but she had the perfect opportunity -you were a bit tipsy, all your friends around, sunny weekend and so it goes. 

“Mikko, do you think I’m pretty?” You direct the camera to his face while looking expectantly. 

Saturday evening rolled around, the hot weather forcing your friends either to the inside of the pool or under the sunshade and their hands busy with cold drinks. It was a happy day, everyone was around, and you were enjoying the vacation. You had met half of the Hockey team as soon as you moved to Colorado and Erik, your and your brother’s hometown best friend decided you needed to know his crew and the city around. Six months later and you knew pretty much everyone and everything.

“Of course I think you’re pretty” he gives you a confused look before you turn to Tyson giggling.

“Josty, do you think I’m pretty?” you ask and he looks straight at the camera “I would give you 5 out of 10 cause you’re bro.”

You laugh and turn to Andre this time.

“Andre, do you think I’m pretty?” 

He seems taken aback by the question and unlike Tyson, he stares at you. “Of course you’re pretty.”

You keep to your task and last but not least is Nathan, he’s sitting at a table while working on some drinks and you take him by surprise by jumping in front of him. “Mac, do you think I’m pretty?”

He rolls his eyes playfully and turns his attention to you for some seconds before looking at his drink again, “I would one hundred percent date you if you were not my sisters’ best friend” 

And then your time is over. 

“So you’re a tiktoker now?” Erik sits beside you and Nathan just as you uploaded the video. He raises his eyebrows and you roll your eyes lightly, “you know I hate TikTok, but it’s fun, so…”

“She’s gonna end up famous there too”, Andre announces leaning his body on the table and motioning for Nathan to refill his drink. Your eyes roam on his big hands grasping the red cup, his cheeks red from the sun, and the way you could see his dimples when he smiled at you, his hair messy in a cute way. 

“Why do you think that?” now he has three pairs of curious eyes staring at him.

You almost chuckled when his point finger scratched his chin. His skin glowing, “I mean, you’re funny and cute…cute girls get famous on TikTok” he reasoned. 

“Is this your best, Burki?” Erik asks and for the way his lips were tight against each other you knew he wanted to laugh.

“C’mon, let them be,” Nathan said after giving the blond American a new cup, and before you could ask what was the matter Callie was calling you at the door. 

Your best friend started a rant about how she was going to get Chinese take-out for dinner and when you told her she should get Thai too -because it was Andre’s favorite- she started another rant about how you should tell him you’re in love and how it was cute the way you two functioned but also annoying. All you could do was savor your drink and mentally play a Taylor Swift song while she went on, “I mean it, y/n! Just tell him already…”

“Have you seen Andre?!” you whisper-scream to her and Callie sights rolling her eyes, “what about him?” 

Swallowing the last sip of your drink you start to draw doodles on the glass with your fingers, “I’m just y/n, he’s Andre Burakovsky”. You usually were not insecure about your looks, but it was Andre, and the fact that he was a famous and good-looking hockey player made you question how in heavens he would like you back. Hell, you were not even sure how you two ended up in such a close friendship, he always being so affectionate and listening to everything you had to say. Your friendship seemed like the most you could take from the interaction. You knew he was ‘just Andre’ too when all your friends were gathered, but being ‘just Andre’ was as amazing as being Andre Burakovsky the hockey player. 

“You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met, y/n, and I don’t mean considering only your looks, but everything. You’re funny, smart, and always so attentive with everyone, you listen to everything and always have nice things to say, don’t you ever doubt your value, you hear me?” Callie’s words make you sit up straight in the stall and your eyes water. 

“In my defense, this is not me crying, this is tipsy me having an emotional moment”, you joke and it’s seconds before the two of you are laughing the way you used to during a John Mulaney show. 

…

It was night when you unlocked your phone only to find a bunch of notifications from TikTok, some of the comments from fans about how happy the boys seemed, but most were about the way Andre looked at you when you asked the question. According to the most liked comment “this is clearly a friends to lovers, mutual pining, unaware love and slow-burn situation” which made you giggle but also replay the video a dozen times trying to figure out if there was really something there and you were the unaware one. 

Needless to say, you weren’t able to reach a conclusion, but it felt different when you excused yourself to take a shower after spilling wine in your shirt and you felt Andre’s eyes on you all the way to the stairs. His hands on your shoulders felt heavier and the way he was attentive whenever you needed a refill or wanted a bite of food seemed more intimate and caring than ever.

Hitting the shuffle button, you chose your Taylor Swift playlist before entering the shower. The cold water cooled you off a bit, it was almost like washing out part of the alcohol in your system, but your tipsy mind kept finding evidence that Andre liked you back. 

You went through your clothes finding a floral summer dress and sipping on your wine while brushing your hair. Your body was still feeling hot and at this point, you didn’t know if it was from the sun on your face or the alcohol in your system, but when you heard the first notes of “Dress” playing you knew you were going to do something stupid, especially because your cell phone was one arm away. If someone asked you where the idea came from you wouldn’t know what to answer, and usually thinking about how you didn’t have an answer was enough to make you give up on some stupid ideas...not this one though. 

Reaching for your phone you unlocked it and walked to the body-length mirror in the room you were sharing with Callie. It took less than 2 minutes to snap a picture and send it to him and it took him less than 1 minute to answer it.

‘Woah’

‘You liked it?’ you sent back

‘Yeah, you’re looking good, cutie’ he answered just as fast, before sending a red heart emoji.

‘I don’t want you like a friend’

‘and I only bought this dress so you could take it off’

It was the exact line Taylor was singing when you reached the send button. You saw the dots appearing and disappearing and your body sobered up even more than before. 

“Fuck!” you almost voiced. How would he look at you after this? Could you pretend you confused him with someone else? Of course not, he was the only Andre you knew! And everyone knew better you were not the bold flirty type.

That was it, your secret was spilled just like your wine on your shirt earlier, but now you wouldn’t be able to clean off the stain. 

Would he believe it if you told him it was a prank to your new TikTok account?

You were lost in your thoughts before three knocks on your door startled you. And there he was when you pushed the door open. Standing with his hands inside his pockets and his hair still messy, he stared at you. It took maybe five minutes before he spoke, but it felt like an eternity considering his intense eyes studying you.

“You’re looking even better this close” for some reason his voice is low like he didn’t want anyone to hear and pop the bubble of the moment. 

You feel your body getting hotter, pretty sure your face is turning even redder, so you reach your hands to both of your cheeks. That gets a giggle out of Andre and you instantly move them to your back, your eyes now staring at his bare feet. 

All you wanted to do was bury yourself on a rabbit hole until Andre lost his memory, or you lost yours. You were thinking about the possibility of a secret society -Alice in Wonderland style- inside the rabbit hole that you could live in forever when Burki extended his hand, his palm facing you, silently asking you to put your hand in his. So you did. And it was only a blink of an eye before his body was closer, almost touching yours.

“You’re not that drunk, are you?” he questioned. 

You shook your head no and he moved his hand to your waist as a message that maybe -and only maybe- he wanted to be close too. So you moved your right one to his large shoulders. 

“I’m glad you’re not drunk…” 

“I’m just a bit hot and bothered” and dying out of shame! You screamed inside your head. 

“Oh sure you are”, he replied with a small smile playing at the corner of his pink lips. Your brows raised in confusion and before you could ask, he answered, “hot. You’re hot”.

“Does it mean you’re gonna take my dress off?” you have no idea when you got so bold, but Andre seemed amused with everything. 

“No, not tonight. You’re not drunk, but you’re a bit tipsy, I don’t want to start things like this” his fingers are in your cheekbone and you lean into him. “I’m gonna kiss you though, can I?” 

His lips, so different from his hands, were soft and hot. They found yours timidly, exploring the space while his body welcomed yours closer, he took his time before his fingers were in your hair and his tongue caught your lips. 

It felt good.

Like never before. 

For some seconds you wished to be able to capture the moment and save it forever. Repeat it in your head every day. 

Andre played with the strings of your dress, slipping it off your shoulders and you got into your tiptoes to peck his lips one last time. 

“So...I take you really liked the dress?” 

“I actually like you, the dress is a bonus” he shrugs and you giggle before finding yourself wrapped in another kiss. 

[plainlo-inthemorning]

A Loki TVA/Lokane fic. Rating T.

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 (of 6)

Shine a Light, part 5

He is aware that the love of his life is digging her fingers into his arm and saying his name.

He is aware of Stark standing to his other side, visor off, speaking to someone on the phone. His voice is hard.

But most of all, Loki is aware that all their lives were just changed by a great big terrifying rip in the seam of reality.

Neither Jane nor the Avenger could possibly be completely sure of what they saw. Loki, as much as he desperately wants to, harbors little doubt.

The man he held in a death-grip only minutes ago and who just now disappeared through a doorway conjured out of thin air was somehow … himself.

Another him. Just as the man had said.

After witnessing from afar the double kiss Jane, Loki, who was coming back from a swim, had been more than ready to skip past introductions and just sever the intruder’s head from his body.

But as soon as he had laid hands on him, a torrent of images had flooded his mind – chaotic, confused images that seemed to span past, present, future and beyond.

The shock had made him lessen his grip and the double had used his (his!) magic to throw him off.

With some distance between them and Stark suddenly there as well, Loki had tried to let his rage quell the dizzying realization. Unsuccessfully.

He is still shaking, clutching a dagger in each hand. He drew them instinctively as the other made for the door.

He should have caught him!

“Loki! What did he say?!”

“What?” His thoughts are racing in too many directions to hear her.

“The … man, what was he saying to you?!”

Jane is looking up at him with those beautiful brown eyes, worry and urgency all over her delicate features. Though not fear, Loki notes. His ever-brave wife. Both her hands are now clamped around his wrist.

That thing kissed her.

The daggers disappear and Loki wraps both arms around the mother of his unborn child, almost crushing her to his chest while still staring at the spot where the double vanished.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, love”, he murmurs. He suspects things are very much not okay.

So does Jane, of course.

“Loki, was it … oof, not so tight … “

She wriggles against him, and he remembers his amor. And her condition. He immediately relaxes his arms a bit while letting the leather and metal melt back into the clothes he wore before: Black jeans and a fitted, dusty green t-shirt (his “rockstar outfit”, Jane had called it, when Loki first started switching up his human wardrobe some years ago now). Drops of saltwater still cling to the ends of his slightly curly raven locks.

“Tony! Jane, Loki! What on Earth was that?”

Pepper jumps out of the car parked in front of the house and runs towards them. She must have seen everything as she drove down the road following her flying husband.

“The verdict’s still out, Peps”. Tony nods at Loki. “You wanna chip in here? I just called the boy-scout at headquarters and told him to be on guard for one of the magician’s interns playing a prank”.

Loki shakes his head slowly.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think Stephen had anything to do with this”.

“You’re right, I didn’t”.

All four of them turn around to see the sorcerer step out of a swirling ring of light, his cape billowing around him. The mahogany floor and paneled walls of his Manhattan mansion are briefly visible behind him before the portal closes with a hiss of little sparks.

Strange is wearing an even sterner expression than usual which only adds to Loki’s growing sense of dread.

Tony, however, groans loudly.

“Dude, really? Couldn’t you at least have let us have dinner before party crashing? Not shaming your bachelor lifestyle or anything, but this was couples’ night!”

“Tony!” Pepper hits her husband on the arm.

Strange ignores him.

“I’m afraid the arrival of your surprise visitor indicates that a set of … unfortunate events have been set in motion”.

As always, his voice is as even as if he was reading the weather forecast, but by now Loki has learned to differentiate the (very) subtle nuances between scorn and sincerity. Strange places his hands behind his back and regards them coolly. “I’ve had Wong reach out to Doctor Banner and director Fury. They should be here shortly. Stark, you may want to-”.

Tony narrows his eyes, lip twitching.

“Hey, Bleeker Street, you know I have low tolerance for you showing up and barking orders without giving two f**** for context. How did you even know that something was going down here? By all means, don’t keep us in suspense until the cavalry gets here”.

Strange doesn’t answer, but the way his eyes dart to Jane sends needles through Loki’s heart.

“Let’s go sit down, shall we?” With one eyebrow raised, Strange puts on a suave smile and gestures towards the house. The effect is a little startling.

Jane ducks out from under Loki’s arms. “Jane, don’t you want to-“. She brushes him off.

“Yes, good idea, Stephen. Let’s go sit down”. She motions for Strange to follow. “Welcome to our home. I was actually making drinks before, but I think I need to add a bit more kick to them…”

Her voice is oddly calm, and Loki fights the urge to grab her and magic them both far, far away, not caring that she would be furious with him for making decisions on her behalf.

He’s brought back to the present by an even odder sound as Strange actually chuckles.

Loki is not sure he’s ever heard it before. Then again, it’s not that he really knows Strange when it comes down to it. Like Tony, Loki finds the wizard exceedingly arrogant.

Pepper is the first to follow Jane and Strange across the lawn while Loki and Tony hang back.

“Real ladies’ man when he wants to. Who would have thought”. The billionaire superhero scoffs. His suit has folded itself off and into a briefcase next to his feet.

“Tony-“

“Uh oh. First name basis. So this really is an emergency”.

Loki faces his friend. Often in the past years, as they’ve grown steadily closer outside of “work”, he has secretly marveled at how long they’ve come since someone threw someone else off a building after being called a diva.

And attacking a city with an alien army.

Jane always insisted the two “hotheads” (her word) had a lot in common when not trying to murder one another (be it with weapons or sarcastic commentary), and Loki has to admit she was right. The metal man is fiercely intelligent, and Loki has been enjoying the quick-witted snark between them infinitely more than he ever valued the company of Thor’s band of gullible warrior groupies on Asgard.

“Well?”. Tony is regarding him with eyebrows raised, expectant. “Give me your take on this cause I’m starting to put together some rather outlandish theories myself here that I’m kinda hoping you’ll thwart ASAP”.

Loki draws in a deep breath.

“That thing with Banner at the tower two years ago-“

“Fuck!” Tony exhales, exasperated. “I knew you were gonna say that”. He squints into the distance towards the ocean, his mouth a tight line. It’s a rare day that Tony Stark is caught under a clear blue sky without sunglasses but for once he doesn’t seem to notice.

Loki takes a step closer to him and lowers his voice so they won’t alert the others just yet.

“I told you then and you didn’t want to listen! Everything about Bruce’s story was off. I know he didn’t remember much after Steve took him down, but you all pretty much accused me of trying to get back at him for, well, you know what, and I kept telling you I thought someone had gotten to him! Now-“

Loki searches for the words. It’s beyond absurd.

“That man was a version of me, Tony. I have no idea how, but I felt it. I saw into his mind. It was filled with images from my past and then … other, recent memories. Dark ones. He came from nowhere. Literally. It didn’t feel like a place. I tried to discard it as a trick, you saw that, but…” Loki runs his hand through his moist hair. “Stephen obviously felt something tear open too. And that is not a good sign”.

He has Tony’s full attention.

“Tear open? Could this other you be associated with your old boss? With Thanos?”

Loki winces.

“No, I don’t think he’s involved”, he says sharply. “But I can’t be sure …”

Tony catches his tone pats his shoulder. “Okay, okay. Shake it off. Didn’t mean to suggest anything. Let’s say he’s not. I’d much prefer that, at least until the wizard presents us with an even uglier imminent threat to the universe. Which, judging by the fact that he’s even here, willingly sipping cocktails in your kitchen as we speak, he probably will”.

Tony throws his hands up with a dramatic air.

“And here I thought the most challenging part of this weekend would be to convince you two to come see Hamilton with us in the city next week!”

“Who’s-“

“Never mind. Did you get a look at that gadget your guy was holding? Boy, he looked like an office slave who’d slept under his desk for a month before getting fired, didn’t he? Were you ever into accounting yourself by any chance?”

Loki shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Immediately he sees the image of the double kissing Jane, his arms wrapped firmly around her supple body. Rage rushes right back through him and his eyes snap open.

“Stark - I can’t. But yes, I did notice the device. It looked like a phone”.

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think it was the new iPhone”.

Tony shakes his head.

“The two of us and we didn’t take him down. Fury’s gonna have our badges”.

//

The director of SHIELD and Bruce Banner arrive barely 15 minutes later through a portal in the middle of the meadow-like lawn, following Wong and both looking grim and out of place as they weave around patches of wildflowers to reach the porch.

“Gentlemen, I trust you’re well”. Loki greets the trio with an only vaguely sarcastic nod as he holds open the screen doors to them, like a good host. Despite what some may still think, he can behave.

He could have just used magic of course, but he figures Banner is freaked enough as it is just by being here. The scientist hasn’t spoken more than five words to him since 2014 and at least three of them were expletives.

Once inside the small living room, Bruce goes to stand by the window and busies himself polishing his glasses with a little too much vigor than seems warranted.

He avoids Loki’s eyes but looks up and smiles wearily as Jane comes over to say hello.

Fury leans against the doorframe to the hallway and crosses his arms, face a closed book, and, by the sound of it, Tony is going through the cabinets in the kitchen trying to find something to spice up Jane’s pre-dinner cocktails.

Pepper is talking to Strange and Wong on the blue IKEA couch (assembled by magic after the attempt to go at it “as a team” turned into a shouting match), and Loki is about to politely ask Strange to please spit it out right this minute, when Jane is next to him, taking his hand.

“We need to talk. Now”.

Her voice is low and steady but her eyes insisting. She squeezes his fingers.

He squeezes back. “Come”.

Loki looks to Fury but he’s focused on Strange who’s listening very closely to something Wong’s saying.

Not letting go of Jane’s hand, he turns towards the kitchen. In the doorway they pass Tony who’s now holding what appears to be a glass of scotch. He must have given up on the gin and tonics.

“Hey, where are you two going? Forget about playing hosts okay, let’s just get started with part two of the evening’s entertainment”.

“In a minute”.

Jane pushes past him, ignoring Tony’s look and dragging Loki with her.

She closes the door behind them.

“Okay, so…” Jane looks around nervously in the small kitchen with the rustic white fronts and old brass handles. She loves that kitchen. They haven’t changed a thing since moving in. Loki reaches for her, but she takes a step back. “Jane, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have gotten there faster. Did he …“

“I need you tell me exactly what he said to you”.

She is absentmindedly opening and closing her fists in the way she does when that brilliant astrophysicist mind of hers is working out an intricate problem in the lab.

Or, Loki knows, when she’s about to deliver him bad news.

He clears his throat. “He said he was me. And that something big was happening”. There. “And then he said he was sorry”.

Jane studies his face.

“That he was sorry? For what?”

“He didn’t say. He stepped through the door”.

Jane is quiet and now it’s Loki’s turn to try and read her expression.

“What did he say to you? I assume he pretended to be me …?”

Jane holds up a hand and bites her lip. Loki swallows.

“Loki, when we were staying at the flat in London, after we defeated Malekith…”

“What?” Loki furrows his brow in confusion. “Why are we-“

“The poison from the monster’s blade, it had you slipping in and out of consciousness for days. You were so feverish…”

“Yes, I know. I was there”. Loki’s blood is slowly turning very cold, but he musters a smile. “And you were amazing, love. Although some might say you took adv-“

Jane interrupts him in the middle of his blossoming smirk. A slight blush appears on her own cheeks.

“Yes, um, it’s not about that day”. She gives him a stern look. “The other day, later, when Thor left after you two went and had your, um, talk … there’s something I need to tell you …”

The door to the living room opens behind them.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, Doctor Foster, I would very much like to hear this too”.

Stephen Strange steps into the kitchen. The door closes behind him.

Part 6

[cocochannel00]

Don’t Leave Me Alone

This is so long overdue and I apologize for such a long wait but here it is!! I hope you guys enjoy and as always requests are slow, but always open!

Description: over 6k words, dad!Harry, husband!Harry, Pregnant Y/n, Angst, Fluff.

Masterlist can be found here!

Sometimes when you’re pregnant all you need is a little break...

Kids: Connor (2), Rebecca (1)

You felt like a whale, and not one of those cute baby whales you see at the aquarium. No, you felt like a fat Blue Whale that was about to explode. You were six months pregnant and it had not been as glamorous as Beyonce made it seem. So far you had spent the first trimester throwing up at least twice a day and your second trimester going through insane hot flashes that left you contemplating whether going to the grocery store nude would be that bad of an idea. You were hoping your last trimester would be somewhat more bearable but seeing as the two devils inside you were currently competing to see who could break your rib first, you had a feeling it wasn't going to get better.

You weren't usually one to complain out loud or at least about your own personal problems, but this pregnancy, unlike your last two, was starting to get on your last nerve and so was Harry. You admit you were a bit more agitated than normal but Harry was definitely not helping. He had taken his own form of paternity leave a little over three weeks ago after a small scare you had with one of the twins. You thought that having him home so much would be amazing and you could use the extra help with Connor and Rebecca, especially since your baby girl was just learning how to properly walk. So far she had nearly cracked her head against the edge of the shoe rack in your mudroom which had led you to bubble wrap nearly every corner of your house. You were nearly at your wit's end and there seemed to be no end in sight.

Luckily today was Sunday so you let yourself indulge in a few extra hours of sleep while Harry watched the kids. You had kicked him out of bed last night because his body was like a furnace and in between the hot flashes you were having and the fact that you were feeling too insecure to lay naked next to him, you had sent him to the guest room. At 3 a.m. Harry thought nothing of it and since he was sleep deprived as well he probably jumped at the chance to get away from you and get some sleep without all of her moaning and groaning. You and Harry had spent the last week snapping at each other constantly over little things, but you hoped with a couple of more hours of sleep your hormones would cool down a bit even if your body couldn't.  

The sun was already shining through the window as you rolled around to check your alarm clock that read 10:30 a.m. Well, at least you had gotten to sleep in a bit before the twins started their kickboxing match. You had just finished the ever-challenging task of sitting up on your bed when you heard two piercing cries come from downstairs. You carefully pushed off the bed and leaned against the nightstand to gain your balance before heading to your closet to get dressed. The only thing you were willing to wear these days were dresses. They were elastic, lightweight, and the only thing that you wouldn't sweat through 30 seconds after putting it on. You decided that you would try and be optimistic about the day so you wore Harry's favorite blue dress with sunflowers. You should have thrown it out after your first pregnancy but it held so many memories that you couldn't get yourself to part with it. You were just walking out of the room when a crying Connor came barreling towards your legs.

"Mama" he cried as he buried his face in your dress. You could barely see him under your belly but you wrapped your arms around his back and stroked his brown curls softly.

"What happened baby?" you asked quietly as he scrunched the end of your dress in his tiny fists and wiped his eyes.

"I play with Becca... and fell... and dada mad...and I cry" he mumbled.

"Oh, baby I'm sure it was an accident. Is Becca okay?" you asked as you grabbed his hand and started carefully walking down the stairs with Connor.

"Uh-huh mama accident" he mumbled with a slight lisp.

"That's okay, baby. I'm sure daddy was just worried and that's why he got mad. Let's go make sure Becca's okay" you replied back as you made it down the last steps of the stairs.

You waddle passed the kitchen door to find Harry sitting on a kitchen stool with your daughter in his arms, an ice pack placed on your baby girl's lip as big crocodile tears fell down her face.  

"Connor I think Becca would feel so much better if you drew her one of your special pictures. Do you think you could draw her one?" you asked your baby boy as you rubbed his back.

"Yes, mama I draw. Stickers too" he mumbled as he ran into the adjacent living room.

Once your baby boy was cheerful again you made your way to your daughter and picked her up from your husband's arms.

"And what happened to you, my love? I leave you with your dada for five minutes and you get a boo-boo on your lip" you whispered to her as she tucked her face into her neck.

"Dada turned around for 2 seconds and this is what happened" Harry grumbled as he leaned against the granite countertop.

"Two seconds?" you questioned as you bounced your little girl softly. Harry groaned.

"Ok, it was like 5 minutes. Jeff called me and we were trying to figure out when would be a good time to get into the studio before you give birth and I was distracted and I heard her scream and there was blood and I yelled and Connor started to cry and..."

"Harry I told you already that you can't leave her alone. She's just figuring out how to walk and she bumps into everything. What did she even hit her lip on? Every sharp edge of the furniture is wrapped in bubble wrap." you replied harsher than you wanted too.

"I don't know (y/n). I was talking and she must have bumped her lip on the floor or maybe the bottom leg of the table? It wasn't my fault, it was an accident" He exclaimed defensively as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Harry, it is your fault though. You should have been watching her while you were on the phone. You watch tv while on the phone all the time! The least you could do is watch your own children" you replied back in frustration. You weren't sure if it was your hormones or the fact that you were hungry that was causing the wave of anxiety and anger, but you had a feeling this conversation wasn't going to end well.

"I get it (y/n) I should have been watching her, but maybe if I wasn't getting kicked out of my own bed at 3 am because of your moods. I'll make you some breakfast, maybe it will make you less cranky" he grumbled as he made his way to the toaster.

"I don't want your stupid breakfast and I'm sorry if the two children you helped create make my body feel like it's burning. Maybe we should get you pregnant and see what happens" You repeat harshly as you cradle your baby and went to put her down in her highchair with some cheerios.

"Love, I want to help you... I know this pregnancy has been much harder than the others but I can't help if you kick me out of our bed. You need to tell me what you want me to do" Harry pleaded as he placed some bread in the toaster and turned to face you.

"I want these babies out. I want to not be the size of a whale. I want to sneeze without peeing myself and I want to walk more than five feet without getting heartburn. I want..." you started before the tears began to fall.

"Oh baby, no" Harry mumbled before he ran around the counter to engulf you in a hug. "I know this has been hard and I'm sorry I haven't been as helpful as I should have. I'll make more time for our family and I'll-"

"But I need you to actually do those things, H. You promised me when we got pregnant that you'd be finished with everything by the time the babies got fussy" You mumbled as you put your hands on his chest

"I know, love, and I am, I promise. Once the band and I record a couple more songs in the studio next week I'm all yours," he whispered as you shook your head violently.

"No! You won't be all mine. You'll find something else you'll need to do and then I'll have to watch the kids alone and I can barely walk and you're just going to leave"you all but yelled as you turned your back to Harry.

"(y/n)... what? What are you talking about? Of course, I'm going to be here. I've been home for weeks helping out" he replied back confused.

"Harry every day you've been home you're always locked away in your office or the studio downstairs. You bath the kids, you feed them lunch, great! That's the bare minimum. Who's the one that has to stop their tantrums or bubble wrap the house so they won't get hurt or even try and run around the garden with them while being the size of cow cause it sure as heck isn't you. And then once you're done with the album, you'll be on tour and I'll be alone again." you grumbled angrily.

"(Y/n) you are not the size of a cow and you know I'll give up my music the minute you tell me" he replied.

"I don't want you to give up your music" you stated stubbornly as Harry groaned.

"(Y/n), what is this really about then?" Harry asked tiredly.

"I need a break, Harry... I need to get away from here. The stress and the kids and the babies, I just... I need to go" you cried softly as you wrapped your arms around your bump and watched your baby girl play happily with her food, oblivious to the meltdown happening a few feet away from her.

"Baby, you're scaring me. What do you mean by go away? Do you want to head up north together? We can take the kids up to the cottage or visit my mum" he said quietly trying to hug you, but you stepped away.

"No Harry I need to get away from here... from you" you mumbled just as Connor walked into the room with his drawing.

"Mama look finish," he said with a squeal as you quickly wiped your tears and slowly crouched down to look at his drawing.

"It's beautiful, my love! Why don't we hang it on the fridge so Becca can see it every morning?" You replied back with a small smile as you used all of your strength to stand up again.

Harry saw you wobble slightly and quickly went to help you up from your crouched position. You leaned on his body as he steadied you from falling. You mumbled a quick thanks before going to the fridge with your little boy and helping him place his drawing on the fridge door with some magnets.

"Mommy's very tired baby, why don't you ask daddy and see if he'll make you mac and cheese for lunch while I take your sister up for her nap," you spoke to your son as he nodded with excitement. You carefully went and picked up your daughter from her high chair as Harry grabbed your elbow.

"(Y/n) come on, we're not done talking about all of this. You haven't eaten either. You've got me worried" Harry whispered as he looked at you expectantly.

"I'm not hungry now, thank you. It was a long night and I'm not feeling the best. Go make Connor's lunch, please" You replied as you began to make your way up the stairs.

You finally made it up the stairs with only a bit of heartburn to show for it. You carefully placed your baby girl in her crib and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. You whispered a quick goodbye and started packing a bag. As you threw some dresses and a couple of sweaters into a duffle bag you called Anne who thankfully picked up on the first ring.

"Hello (y/n), how are you? How are the babies" she spoke cheerfully.

"Hi, Anne. I'm doing okay, the twins are definitely fighters. They're going to be a handful" you sniffled softly.

"Oh, sweetheart what's going on?" Anne asked, concern laced in her voice.

"I need to get away for awhile. Harry and the kids and the babies it's just all too much right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind and my hormones are all over the place and it's just so overwhelming and all Harry and I do is fight and I..." you said as you began to hyperventilate.

"(Y/n), I need you to breathe sweetheart, Okay? Stress isn't good for the babies and you already had that scare a couple of weeks back. Breathe love. Pregnancy can very hard and i know these twins haven't made it easy. Do you want me to yell at Harry for you?" she asked softly.

"No, no, it's okay. I just... I need to go somewhere for a couple of days. Just to get myself together before I say something or do something that I..." you started but you couldn't think straight.

"Okay love, that's okay. Everyone needs a little break every once in a while. Why don't you pack some clothes and your pregnancy pillow and come spend a couple of days here in Cheshire with me? I'll call Harry right now to tell him and he can stay and watch the kids for a bit. Why don't you call Gary and ask if he can drive you?" Anne asked.

"Yes, that sounds good" you mumbled as you began looking for your pillow.

"Ok, my love. I'll call Harry and tell him what's going on so he doesn't worry. You just message Gary, ok?"

"Yes, thank you, Anne. See you soon," you replied as Anne said her goodbyes.

After hanging up on Anne you texted Gary to ask if he could pick you up and drive you to Anne's. He agreed and told you he would be there in 15 minutes, giving you enough time to finish packing and say goodbye to your babies.

You were mid-way through packing your toiletries when you heard Harry's footsteps running up the stairs. He walked past your room and towards Connor's before making his way back to you.

"Mom just called me" he spoke softly as he approached you.

"Yes. Gary will be here soon to drive me up to her house" you replied as you placed your toothbrush in your bag and zipped it close.

"I'm glad he's driving you up... (Y/n) what's... what's going on baby. I need to know what's going through your head right now" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your body tightly.

"My hormones have been all over the place and then I think the scare a couple of weeks ago has made me even more anxious because I don't want anything to happen to our babies and... I can't sleep well at night and I just..." you stammered as you forced yourself to take deep breaths while Harry rubbed circles into your lower back.

"Shhh, love... I know. I think staying with Mum for a couple of days will be good for you, give you some time to relax. I'll make sure the kids are okay and you just message me when you're ready to come back. I'll be just a call away if you need anything" He replied back as he continued to hug you tightly.

"You're not mad at me?" you asked as you looked him in the eye for the first time since your breakdown in the kitchen.

"Of course not, love. I know this pregnancy has been hell for you and I haven't been the best support these past couple of days so I think it will be good for you to have some time to yourself. I'll make sure the kids are ok and if I need I'll call up Gemma. Now, come on, Gary's waiting outside for you. I'll bring your bag and your pillow while you say goodbye to Connor and Becca" he stated as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead before grabbing your bags and heading down the stairs.

Carefully you slipped on your Dr.Scholls flip flops and made your way to Connor's room to say goodbye. Connor was playing with his blocks on the floor happily as you quietly called out his name as you went to take a seat on the rocking chair in his room. Connor stared up at you with a smile and ran over to hug you.

"Mama look blocks," he said excitedly as he pointed at the tower he had abandoned.

"Yes, baby it's a beautiful tower. Listen, love, mommy has to tell you something, ok? I want you to listen to mommy, ok? Can you listen to mommy?" you asked your little boy as he shook his head vigorously.

"Mommy's going to go spend a couple of days with Grandma Anne while you and Becca stay with daddy. You guys are going to have so much fun together! You're going to play lots of games together and maybe in a couple of days, you can come to visit." You spoke as the little boy frowned.

"I no go grandmas?" He asked quietly as he frowned.

"No baby, not yet. You have to stay and help daddy with Becca. Can you do that for me?" you explained to Connor as he nodded his head and hugged you tighter.

"Thank you, Connor. You're getting to be such a big boy. Thank you for watching your sister for me. Why don't you come with me so I can say bye to Becca and we can meet daddy downstairs" you mumbled as you stood up while taking your son's hand and slowly made your way to Becca's room.

Becca was peacefully sleeping in her crib when you walked in. You didn't want to wake her up and make Harry's day more difficult than it already was so you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and made your way downstairs. Harry was at the door talking with Gary, most likely giving him instructions on getting me safe to Anne's. Harry saw you from the corner of his eye and quickly came to help you down the last few steps. Once you had made it to the bottom, Harry went to grab a lunchbox from the kitchen and passed it to you.

"Packed you a couple of snacks and a sandwich for the road and some of those weird gummies you've been craving," he stated, a small smile on his face as he crouched down to pick up your two-year-old in his arms.

"Say bye-bye to mamma, Connor. We'll see her in a couple of days." Harry mumbled to the little boy that pouted as he waved his little hand goodbye.

"Bye mama" Connor whispered as you kissed his forehead. You smiled with watery eyes as you said goodbye to your little boy before looking at Harry.

"I love you (y/n)" He told you as you whispered a soft 'I love you" back. You gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before walking outside to meet Gary.

You greeted Gary and got into the back seat of the black suburban that would be driving you to Anne's. By the time you rounded the end of your street you were fast asleep.

                           ----------------------------------------------------------------

Harry's POV:

I was officially going to lose it. I had been close over the years, but if either one of my kids cries one more time today I was going to have a mental breakdown. It had been four days since (Y/n) had gone to my mum's house and I had been left to watch the kids by myself. If there's anything I've learned from the last couple of days it's that my wife is fucking Wonder woman. I don't know how she managed to keep it together for so long because I was falling apart at the seams already.

It's not like I hadn't taken care of the two of them by myself before. I had numerous times when (Y/n) had worked late shifts at the hospital or had taken a weekend trip with her friends but for some reason, these past couple of days have been far worse than any of the previous ones. Becca had made it her absolute mission to try and run herself into every corner she could. So far she had managed to fall at least four times, all ending with a minimum three-hour cry afterward. Connor tried to help calm down Becca but most of the time he would just get upset because she was and they both end up crying. Yesterday had been the breakpoint for me though.

I had managed to keep Becca and Connor from crying all afternoon which was quite a miracle and just as I was putting them to bed, Becca saw a picture of (Y/n) in the hallway and began to scream for (y/n). This consequently woke Connor up who also cried because he could go to sleep so the three of us ended up in (y/n) and I's bed cuddled in the sheets as both of my kids cried through the night. The only person I knew that could fix this situation besides (Y/n) was Gemma and after practically begging her and promising to not be a dick when she came she said yes to helping me out.

After giving up on trying to get the kids out of their pajamas, I grabbed them both in my arms and walked them downstairs to start on some breakfast. They seemed to have tired themselves out with all of their crying so for the time being, they sat down quietly in their respective chairs and munched on their cheerios. I had just finished up making some Oatmeal when the doorbell rang, signaling that Gemma had arrived.

"Mama" Connor mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

"No baby not mama yet, but aunty Gemma came to visit. Should we go open the door?" I asked as he nodded excitedly.

I grabbed Becca out of her high chair and held Connor's hand as we made our way to the door. As soon as I opened it Connor sprinted into Gemma's arms in a fit of giggles. It was nice to hear him laugh after all the crying that had been going on these past couple of days. I gave Gemma a quick kiss on the cheek before letting her in and walking back into the kitchen.

"Looking a little rough there Har. When's the last time you shaved those whiskers on your lip" Gemma laughed as she grabbed Becca from my arms and held her.

"Shut it. I haven't slept in days. Feel like I'm losing my mind" I mumbled as I poured the oatmeal into two bowls.

"You want anything to eat? Can make some toast and scrambled eggs" I asked as Gemma shook her head.

"Mama mama" Becca mumbled as she clawed at Gemma's shirt.

"I might have boobs like mama but mine, unfortunately, can't give you what you want little one" Gemma replied back as I laughed.

"Lot's of missing mama this week from all of us. Have you gotten a chance to check in with mom yet? See how (y/n)'s doing? Didn't want to be annoying so I haven't called since the first day" I stated as I placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of Connor and gave the other to Gemma to start feeding Becca.

"Mom said she's been okay. I think the fresh air is helping but her hormones are still all over. Mom said she was feeling a bit insecure about her size the other day but was starting to get better about it." Gemma replied as she fed Becca a spoonful of oatmeal.

"Insecure? She's pregnant. I think she's glowing. Nothing more beautiful than a pregnant lady" I said with a frown think about (Y/n).

"I know but Tracey always says that being the pregnant one is different. It feels like everyone's always watching you and now that she has twins she feels even bigger. One baby is bad enough but two of them with your big head inside at once can't be at all comfortable" Gemma said.

"I know but she's big because she has two of my babies and I think she looks breathtaking."

"Did you tell her that recently?" Gemma asked.

"Well... no ... maybe I- I think so" I mumbled as Gemma glared at me.

"I know I know I should have told her more often but I got busy and then Jeff kept calling and she'd kick me out of bed and-"

"Harry everything you just said is why (Y/n) needed a break. You hadn't been paying attention to her at all or the kids because you were so caught up in work. Now that you've realized that as a parent of two and two on the way you need to step it up because your wife can't do it by herself. You can't overwhelm yourself with work especially with the scare (Y/n) had a couple of weeks back."

"I know I know, but I don't know how to help her if she pushes me away" I replied back in frustration.

"Why don't you start by calling Jeff and canceling all those recording sessions you have planned. I know your job and your music is important but you need to put your family first and the health of your wife and your babies" Gemma stated as she wiped some oatmeal off of Becca's cheek.

"I already did! Once (Y/n) left I canceled all of the sessions and interviews and meetings that I couldn't do from home. Told Jeff that after this week I was officially going on a break until after the twins are born and we're all settled." I replied as I passed Connor a napkin for his sticky hands.

"Well did you tell (Y/n) or mom any of this cause (Y/n) is so stressed you'll miss the birth of the babies cause of your work!" Gemma said sternly as she looked at me.

"Bu-but why would she think I'd miss it! Haven't missed any of the births or her appointments?" I groaned.

"I think she's just scared. You were out of town when the bleeding started and she was an absolute wreck when I took her to the hospital. Doctors said they had to give her a sedative because she nearly had a panic attack in the ER and her blood pressure skyrocketed. Mom said she was panicking on the phone when she called her" Gemma replied as she bounced Becca up and down on her lap.

"Careful, she'll vomit. God, I wish I could just see (Y/n) but I don't want to make things worse"

"I think both of you suffered enough with this time apart so why don't you call mom and tell her you and these little rascals are coming up today. Once you called me I texted mom to let her know you'd probably make an appearance today" Gemma replied as she tickled Becca's tummy.

"You're right, I should. I'm going to call mom and let her know. Can you pack Becca a bag and maybe change her diaper?" I asked as I made my way to go find my phone upstairs.

"Bag, yes. Diaper, hell no" Gemma mumbled as I laughed.

                           -------------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) POV:

Today was a good day. You had managed to make it the entire morning without crying which is more than you can say for the other three days you had spent at Anne's house. It looked like you had finally managed to get your hormones under control and were even excited to spend the day in town with Anne. You had promised her that after moping around her house since you got there that you would spend today with her in town as long as you could stop to get one of those chocolate croissants Harry always brought from the bakery.

You waddled down the stairs in the navy blue Gucci dress Harry bought you for Christmas that cinched just above your belly, making you look all the more pregnant. You didn't necessarily like it the first couple of times you tried it on but every time you wore it Harry's face would light up with a smile and that was enough for you to wear it a bit more often.

"Good morning (Y/n), how did you sleep last night? Did the ice pack behind your neck help with the hot flashes?" Anne asked as she sipped her cup of coffee at the kitchen table.

"It was a miracle worker, first time in months that I haven't woken up in a puddle of my own sweat" you replied back as you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down next to her.

"I'm glad. I know you're not a tea drinker but can I get you some decaf or maybe some hot chocolate? I think I have some from the last time you guys were over" Anne replied as she got up to get her a mug.

"Hot chocolate sounds wonderful. I can make it though don't worry" you said as Anne waved you away and began taking out the chocolate mix.  

"So how are you feeling today? Better with the hormones and such?" Anne asked cautiously as she stirred the hot chocolate and placed it in front of you.

"I've gotten them under control for the most time, I usually only feel like crying when I to miss Harry and my other babies. Wish they could have come up for a bit but it's been nice to spend some time with you and away from the chaos."

"It's been very nice having you here and I can't wait to meet two more of my grandbabies. Speaking of Harry, he called me this morning?" Anne mumbled into her coffee.

"Is he ok? Are my babies ok? Is someone hurt?" You questioned with a jump.

"Everyone's fine don't worry. Just wanted to see how you were doing." Anne replied. You relaxed back into your seat knowing that everyone was ok at home.

"Thank god. I was worried about leaving them with Harry. He's a great dad, but they can be a handful especially if they tag team you with the crying. It's enough to pull your hair out" you mumble as Anne laughs.

"I can only imagine. Gemma was pretty calm as a child, but Harry was my little attention seeker, couldn't put him down without the tears starting"

"Becca's the same way. If you leave her alone more than a quick bathroom break she'll start screaming her head off. I miss them..." you stated as you grabbed a biscuit and shoved it in your mouth.

"Well a little birdy might have mentioned that someone special could be coming up later today" Anne mumbled trying to hide her grin behind her mug.

"What? What do you mean? Is Harry coming up here?!" You asked excitedly as you nearly drop your coffee mug on the floor.

Anne nodded as you crushed her into bear hug and placed a kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you thank you" you whispered as you held her tight.

"It was all Gemma, dear. And besides, I think you both could really use it. From what I hear my grandkids aren't making it the easiest time. They should be here within the next half hour so why don't you go get dressed and I'll get the kids room all set up for them?" Anne replied as she carefully helped you stand and walked you up the stairs.

Once upstairs, you could help but let out a small squeal at the idea of finally seeing Harry and your kids again. It had only been a couple of days and even though you always love spending some girl time alone with Anne, it was time to see all of your babies (Harry included). You decided to take a quick shower before throwing on a coral pink wrap dress that cut off just above the knee. Just as you were putting on your sneakers (probably the most comfortable shoes you own tbh) Anne knocked on the door to tell you that Harry's car had just pulled into the drive way. You smiled and quickly finished tying your shoes before carefully, but quickly, made your way down the stairs and to the front door.

The sight in front of you was almost too much for you to handle. Connor stood at the side of the car staring at the birds playing the bird feeder. His foot pajamas were covered in what you could only assume was banana stains and the shoe laces on his Gucci sneakers were untied. Your husband stood with his back to you as he wrestled with the fussy one year old in the car street. His pajama pants were riding low on his hips and the white cotton t shirt he sometimes wears to bed had a large stain on his right shoulder, most likely from burping Becca. Just as you were about to approach your little family when suddenly you son came running towards you.

"Mama mama... I here" Connor called out as he hurled himself towards you.

"I see that baby! How are you? Were you good for dada?" You asked him as you carefully lifted him up in your arms and nodded his head.

"I good mama. I good" he stated enthusiastically as you placed a kiss to his cheek.

"How is my favorite grandbaby boy doing? Come with me so your mommy can go help daddy with Becca" Anne stated as Connor all but launched himself at his grandma with a squeal.

You gave Anne a smile before walking over to Harry. You tapped on his shoulder and watched as his shoulders relaxed and he carefully turned around to see you. The weeks could be seen right on his face. His hair was shooting out every which way, a curl follow over his eyes every now and then. There was also a slight hint of stubble across his chin which you knew only appeared after he had gone a couple of days without shaving. The stain on the shoulder of his pajama shirt wasn't the only one on his shirt as you saw a couple splatters of green which you could only assume was peas. He was mess all over, but he was your mess. He gave you the soft smile that you fell in love with all those years ago and you practically tumbled into his arms.

"Hello my love" he mumbled into your hair as he brushed a strand of it behind your ear while rubbing his other hand up and down your back.

"Hi H" you whispered as tears began to prick your eyes.

"I missed you so much, the kids and I were a mess without you but I hope you got to relax a bit" Harry whispered into your ear.

"It was nice, but I missed you all a lot. I hope they weren't to much trouble" you mumbled into his neck.

"Let's just say it's a miracle we didn't get a noise complaint from all of the crying but we survived... barely." Harry replied as you laughed.

The two of you stood there for a bit before you began to hear your daughter's soft whines coming from the open car door. You carefully detached yourself from Harry and made your way to your daughter who sat in her car seat, eyes wide looking at the two of you.

"Hello baby. How is my precious girl doing? Did you make daddy's life difficult?" you mumbled in a baby voice as you picked her up from her car seat and cradled her into your neck.

She let out a soft whine before snuggling into your chest and closing her eyes again.

"All she needed was her mama" Harry replied as he wrapped his arms around you from behind and placed a kiss to your temple.

"All I needed was you" you whispered back as you placed a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you (Y/n)"

"I love you too, H"

[plotbnuy]

The Legacy of Aerin Ravage; How FFXIV Became My Most Treasured Game.

Just a heads up, this is a post that I'm making to celebrate father's day. I understand that this isn't an easy holiday for everyone, and my heart goes out to everyone who dreads this day every year. I hope you find yourself surrounded by friends to help the day fly by, and that you can find some way to treat yourself, whether through memory or merriment.

I've always had something of a selective memory. On the one hand, I can recite the abilities, types, stats, and utility of practically any Pokémon you throw at me. On the other, I tend to forget any task that might seem banal, regardless of if it might occur once a year or every day. The same can be said of my childhood; for much of it, there's naught left but gaping holes where years of school memories should be. Yet there's certain things that stick out as clear as day, as though they might've happened just days ago. This is especially true when it comes to video games.

There are few memories more vivid than those that were made with me sitting on the living room floor while my dad played certain games. He never varied these much; for a while, it was GTA:IV. During a certain period, he played mostly rhythm games, especially DDR and Guitar Hero. Most notable, however, was an MMORPG called Final Fantasy XI. Admittedly, the game wasn't much to watch. Hours would be spent wandering through vast landscapes, trying to follow obtuse quest objectives or grinding away at enemies. He'd spend night after night in a particular dungeon, sometimes alone or occasionally in a small party, slashing at skeletons or other fairly standard creatures. What did stand out, however, was his character: Aerin Ravage.

I'd ask about her every once in a while - about this online persona that he poured so much into. I learned of the differences in how she acted, occasionally I'd learn what she liked and disliked. She was a White Mage, primarily, so that's what I heard about most; the fulfilment that came with keeping a party alive, or offering resurrections and teleports to friendly strangers. She was much more than a character, but much of those details are too personal to go into here. I drew her once, back when I was really into drawing, and gave it to my father as a gift. I'm not sure where that drawing went, honestly.

However one day Aerin would find herself in another place - another realm: Eorzea. Now, I don't believe she was ever a part of the infamous "1.X" version of Final Fantasy XIV. Rather, my dad joined during the early stages of A Realm Reborn; after the terrible launch that had plagued the game's original incarnation. Of course, I didn't know about any of this at the time - I heard small tidbits, like the terrible optimization and performance - but for the most part, my only knowledge came from a scene that played if you lingered for a minute or so on the home screen - The fall of Dalamud.

My father was pretty busy during these days. I can't remember if my sister had been born yet, but I do know that often my mother would ask him for some of his time in the middle of the evening, and he would leave his Playstation alone for a while. Being adverse to staying in my room at the time, I'd often wait for him in the living room to see if I might catch him playing FFXIV. During this time, I'd bear witness to the spectacle of Dalamud's descent; the bloody, horrible battle between the Eorzean Alliance and Garlemald, the eruption of the red moon, the unimaginable fury of the great primal, Bahamut. I was utterly transfixed.

I can't recall everything I've seen while I watched Aerin Ravage during her adventure, but a number of things stick out; countless attempts to take down a challenging version of Ifrit, the great Hildibrand Manderville trying to solve an investigation while dressed up in a wedding gown, and lots, and lots, and LOTS of crafting. Later, after the release of Heavensward, I'd also witness a harrowing encounter with Hraesvelgr, as well as the tedium of collecting Aether Currents long before they'd be made incredibly easy. In my head, there was nothing connecting any of these things together, even when the memory was fresh, but I remember feeling enchanted all the same.

It would be many, many years before I would finally get a chance to go on an adventure of my own. I didn't begin playing until Shadowbringers 5.2 was already out, and I didn't really get into the game until 5.3. I (thankfully) missed out on much of the game's initial trappings (I don't know what a TP is and frankly I'm too afraid to ask.) When I started out, my character was nothing more than a self-insert. She shared my legal name, and for a while she didn't have much in terms of character. I'd gravitated towards being a monk, so for a while she was just a "punchy bun." Eventually though, I started wanting to flesh her out. She needed a name, and I spent some time deliberating on one.

I found myself revisited by another old memory that'd been made on that living room carpet in front of my dad's tv. He'd made a number of friends through Final Fantasy, and he enjoyed talking about his home life, especially his children. However, he preferred to have a certain amount of anonymity, especially concerning us. Thus, he referred to us as titles instead; I was eldest, and my brother was youngest. I can't say why this particular detail stuck out to me so intensely after so many years, but like I said, my memory is bizarre and selective. Whatever the case, I'd decided: my Warrior of Light would be renamed to Eldest Ravage. Fitting, considering the explanation for Viera names in lore.

Since then, FFXIV has become my favorite game of all time, period. I've become friends with some of the most wonderful people in the world through this game, and its influence on me as a person has been irreversible. I fell back into my old passion of writing, and at the time of this post I've already written 30,000 words of fanfiction retelling my character's story. I've revisited art, something that used to make me anxious after being bullied into hating it, and have since started taking commissions. I've learned to master gpose as a way of telling stories and expressing my love for my characters, especially Eldest. There are other reasons why I started playing; one of my partners at the time urged me to play it, and the game had gone on-sale during the early stages of a certain event that would have me home much more often. However, I would be remiss not to attribute much of my love for this game to my father, and to Aerin Ravage herself. Without them, and without this game, I would be a much different person. As of yet, we haven't had the chance to play the game together. Even after all these years, Aerin seems to prefer her home in Vana'diel than the adventures she's had in Eorzea. Just a matter of taste, of course, and I can't say I blame them. Actually, the only reason I've been able to take these pictures is because I had to pester them for Aerin's character data for over a month, yet there's still something so magical to me about seeing Eldest and Aerin side-by-side. Even if they might be separated for a while longer, it still brings me much joy to be able to include Aerin in Eldest's story. Happy Father's Day, dad. Here's to the next adventure!

[danielleslegacy]

Soulmates || Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

MASTERLIST

Request: yes / no (but they are open always)

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Summary: Just a wedding fic, that no one asked for bahaha, but yes, wedding. 

Word Count: 2,404

Warnings: it is just fluff that is all, its tooth-rotting, you’ve been warned.

Pairing: fem!Reader insert x Spencer Reid

All writing is my own, so please don’t steal this. Also, I would appreciate any feedback/comments/requests! xx

*GIF IS NOT MINE SO CREDIT GOES TO THE OWNER*

I smooth my hands down the front of the laced front of my dress, casting my eyes back up to the mirror in front of me. Makeup done in such a beautiful way that my eyes pop, the soft blush that lays on my cheeks making me seem younger and more innocent than I am. Behind me I notice people walking into my dressing room. 

“Oh Y/n,” the voice of one Emily Prentiss says, causing me to turn to face her, “You look absolutely gorgeous.” 

My eyes flash over the girls quickly, their beautiful dresses, similar but not the same, adorning their bodies. My eyes fill with tears as I let out a soft laugh. “Thank you Em.” 

“That boy is going to die watching you walk down the aisle in that,” Penelope gushes, her own voice thick with unshed tears. The group lets out a laugh. 

“Thank you for being here,” I say, reaching my hands out to hold the sides on JJ and Penelope, as they are standing on the outside of Emily, “I just wish my parents were here too, you know?”

The girls nod, “They are here, Y/n, they’re always with you.” JJ says, giving my arm and encouraging squeeze. 

“Alright no crying missy, we’ve got a wedding to do,” Eemily says offering me a tissue, which I take and dab underneath my eyes softly. I let out a breath and turn back to the mirror, admiring my dress one last time, with a firm nod of my head, I turn to the dresser and pick up a bracelet. 

“I need some help with this part,” I confess, holding out the bracelet and my wrist to the girls, JJ takes it and clasps it. A multitude of pendants hang off it, each one for a different person in my life. 

“It’s beautiful, was it from boy wonder?” Penelope asks, obviously catching onto one of the charms on the bracelet, a silver book, it was tiny but it was there. 

I nod my head, a smile coming to my lips, “A wedding present, you guys are on here too.” I say gesturing to the four leaf clover. “The whole team is on here,” a small set of handcuffs on the other side of the clover, a reference to our job. “Mum and Dad too,” I say, finally pointing to the two angels. 

A soft knock at the door frame draws us out of our bubble, “Sorry to interrupt ladies, but it's time,” Hotch’s face is painted with guilt at having to pull us away. A wave of anxiety rushes over me, but it’s gone almost as quickly as it came, and it’s replaced by pure excitement, excitement at the fact that it’s finally time to marry my soulmate. 

The girls slip out the door sending words of encouragement, and waves as they exited. 

“How do I look, boss?” I ask doing a twirl for Hotch, my dress spiraling around me. I stop back to face him and he has a wide, proud, grin on his face. He gives me a nod in response.

“You ready?” He asks, extending a hand out towards me, which I take readily. 

“Yes,” I put simply, it was an easy answer because yes, i am ready to marry Spencer, i am ready to start the rest of my life with the person that i cannot live without. We walk down a hallway in Rossi’s house and just before we walk out and into the garden, we stop. Rossi had offered his house as the venue once again, as it was practically assumed that after JJ’s wedding to Will that Spencer and I would inevitably marry here too. I’m not in view of the group yet, but I can see the garden, lit up in beautiful lights, and a few seats scattered around the yard. Lanterns litter the grass, like the scene from Tangled. A fairytale coming to life. 

The music begins, a classical wedding march, a giggle erupting from my chest. “In a few minutes I’m going to be married, Hotch,” I say as he opens the door for us to walk out of. 

“Yes, yes you are Y/n.”

We step out on the lawn and I feel everyone's eyes on me, but my eyes are only focused on the end of the aisle, only on Spencer. His beautiful all black suit makes him appear even taller than normal, and his hair is styled to perfection. His eyes shine with tears, and in that moment my refill again. I continue walking, my smile staying spread across my lips, and when I eventually meet the end of the isle, I give Hotch a kiss on the cheek. 

“Thank you Aaron,” I say softly. The kiss is returned and he places my hand in Spencer’s. 

“You have something truly magical,” He says, taking a step back to join the rest of our team. No, our family. For the first time I looked over all of their faces, all red and tear filled. 

From beside me Rossi clears his throat, “Welcome, Welcome everybody, we are all here today to celebrate the union of two beautiful people.”

My eyes gather with tears and I flick them up to Spencer’s, his own filled too. I squeeze his hands, my excitement evident on my face. 

“We have all watched these two souls find one another against all odds. I’m sure Spencer could tell you the odds of their meeting, and I asked him once, and he told me that day that it’s a 1 in 10,000 chance that he would meet his soulmate. To which I followed up by asking him, and she’s the one right, kid? The boy just nodded his head. Later that same week I asked Y/n if she believed in soulmates,” He lets out a little chuckle, “See what I did there? She didn’t really answer me, but she did look over at the doctor and smiled. I knew what she meant by that. I am by no means an expert on marriage or soulmates.” 

“Ain't that a fact,” Derek mutters from the small group, referencing the italian’s multiple divorces and we erupt into a fit of laughter. My shoulders shake with laughter and tears fall down my cheeks. Spencer’s eyes focus only on me, his own shining with tears, and I can tell that he knows that this is a memory that he will be looking over for years to come. His fingers dance along my wrists and connect with the bracelet. 

“What are you gonna do?” Rossi continues with a shrug once the group is quiet,”But as I was saying. I am no expert, but you don’t need to be to know that these two souls were made for one another. They share this deep and beautiful understanding of one another, their differences and similarities. The two truly complete one another. I am so lucky to have been able to watch your love blossom from an awkward mutual pining to what I see before me today. I am also honored to be able to marry you to one another. So without further ado, let’s get to the important part. You have both prepared vows, Y/n, you first.” 

I nod my head excitedly, my smile widening as if that was even possible, “So like Rossi, I also asked you the odds of us meeting, and I got the same answer. Only, I asked you after our first date, we had probably known each other for six months at that point, eating ice cream in my apartment while watching Hercules. And it was that day that I fell for you. You couldn’t just sit and watch the movie, you kept telling me facts about ancient greece and greeks gods and goddesses, and I knew that I only wanted to experience movies with you being able to tell me about them.” His eyes twinkle and a tear slips down his cheek, I raise my hand up to wipe it away, “That night I called my mum, and i told her that I had met the man I was going to marry,” My voice catches in my throat, “I told her all about you and how you made me feel and she told my dad, and they both instantly loved you, because i was happy and excited.” 

His finger toys with the bracelet on my wrist, tears streaking his face. “And Spence, if they had met you, I know that they would be all about me marrying you. So my vow to you is to always love and savour every moment we have together, and to never go to sleep angry, and to listen to you always. I also promise to take care of you and to love you forever.” 

Spencer unlinks a hand from mine holding up his pinky to which I link mine around it, letting out a watery laugh.

Tears fall from my eyes, when Spencer begins his own vows. 

“I am a man of science and logic and numbers and facts.” He begins, “When you start falling in love, your brain releases chemicals like vasopressin, adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin that light up your neural receptors and make you feel both pleasure and a euphoric sense of purpose. That’s the facts of what love is. And before you, that was an easy enough understanding. I had thought I knew what love felt like. But falling in love with you was unlike anything I have ever experienced before in my entire life. And it took me so incredibly long to figure out why. It’s because all logic went out the window. My first and last thought every day was of you, I worried about you constantly and I could not figure out why. But then I noticed that I just wanted to be around you all the time and I didn't want you away from me. And then I got it. Love, this was falling in love. All those other times in my life where i thought i was experiencing love were test drives in comparison to falling in love with you. So today I vow to you, to continually throw logic away and to love you with all of my being for as long as life permits it. And if the Buddists are right, then the meeting was actually 500 years in the making, and I promise to you that in 500 years I will find you again.”

“Oh Spence,” I whisper to no one by him, reaching up to try to wipe the tears off my cheeks. 

“This ceremony will not create a relationship that does not already exist between you. It is a symbol of how far you have come in these past few years. It is a symbol of the promises you will make to each other and continue growing stronger as individuals and as partners. No matter what challenges you face, no matter how much you succeed, you now succeed together. The love between you joins you now as one. Now for the exchanging of rings,” Rossi states, handing us each other's rings. 

"Y/n, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love," Spencer says softly, slipping it onto my fourth finger. 

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you,” I reply, sliding the plain gold band onto his fourth finger. 

Rossi clears his throat, “You two are officially the first members to marry within the BAU, you may now kiss.” 

My smile only widens, as my hands reach up to cup his face softly, and my lips press to his. I feel the corners of his mouth lift in a smile. From behind my closed eyelids I see a flash, but I take no notice lost in the kiss with my now husband. Our lips move against one another, he dips us down slowly yet romantically,, and once we pull apart I miss it, so I quickly press my lips to his and then move back. My smile permanently on my face. The others are clapping and hollering from around us. It is then that I finally notice the camera grasped in Penelope's hand and I’m already so grateful for the pictures that she must have been taking.

My eyes flick back to Spence, “We’re married.”

“Yes we are,” He grins, wrapping his arms around my waist and spinning me around. The group lets out a chorus of laughs and Rossi’s voice breaks through. “Now we eat.” 

We share a beautiful meal, some pasta that I assume Dave made and the conversation flows freely. 

“Remember when you called me on your way to your first date with Y/n?” Morgan teases, “You were so nervous that I actually debated calling an ambulance to make sure you didn’t have a heart attack.”

The group laughs once more and Spencer buries his head into the crook of my neck, clearly embarrassed, “Yeah, well I had reason to be.” 

“Oh wait, that reminds me,” JJ begins, “Y/n called me the day Spence finally asked her out, and you guys, I wish you had been able to hear the excitement in her voice. I know I’m a profiler, but you didn’t need to be to see that the girl was already crazy for him.” 

I let out a soft giggle, reminiscing on that day, and I bring up mine and Spencer's conjoined hands and press my lips to his. 

The soft sounds of Jason Mraz’s ‘I Won’t Give Up’ begins to chime through the air, I stand up, and pull Spencer along with me. 

“Dance with me?” I ask him, and he just nods in reply, pulling me in closer to him. One of his hands rests on my hip and the other encloses mine. I rest my head onto his chest, I can hear the stop patter of his heart beat, as we sway together. He unloops our fingers, and my arms wrap around his waist and his other hand falls in my hair, holding me as close as possible. I feel so protected by the man who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. 

~

TagList (let me know if you want to be tagged!) 

@saucybeeches​

[alwaysthinkingoutloud]

Hannibal Episode-by-Episode Meta/Analysis: Episode 1, Season 1 (Apéritif)

The series start with Will Graham in a crime scene doing what he does, which is resurrecting crime scenes for further evidence and possible insight into the criminal’s mind and motives. What is interesting about this first scene is that for a first-time viewer, for the first a few minutes, it is not clear if what we are watching is a possible reenactment or it is actually a memory. That doubt gets cleared in a minute but until then, we don’t know if he is imagining or is he remembering. Is he a guy with a powerful imagination helping FBI who literally puts himself into the killer’s shoes or is he the killer itself, hiding in plain sight? To my thinking, the very first opening to the story does say a lot about the end of it all as well.

“This is my design”

Why not say plan, but design instead? Planning is something mechanical, strategical. It is the result of motive and effort of a rational brain rather than an acted-on urge. There is no much room for subjectivity or creativity since efficiency is the ultimate goal. However, design has a more artistical ring to it. It is like, its prior aim is not to be useful, but to be beautiful. Designing is done when aesthetics is of concern. We would say, Michelangelo designed David, plan would not look right there. It would be accurate as for explaining the mathematical part of it, the disciplined and patient hours that has been put into it, but it would not do justice to the inspiration, passion, and desperate need of the artist for his creation to materialize. A planner would not adore his work, but a designer would. And Will understands the difference a bit too well.

Later, talking with Jack Crawford, we learn that Will finds the name of Evil Minds Research Museum “hammy”. I do not think there is anything hammy about the name, it’s quite literal. It is not an ennobler name but why does Will find it so though? Does creativity and originality need to be perceived as abhorrent just because it was given birth by someone evil? This all-cautious way of approaching and overthinking things is a reflection of something dark within. Afterall, what is seen has at least a little to do with the seeing eyes, if not more.

Jack exhibits a disturbingly dominant way of communication with Will. He corrects Will’s eyeglasses, the guy who he knows is not comfortable with any kind of interpersonal interaction, within the minutes of their chat and holds down his bag to slow down his moving on. He is trying to make sure that Will feels Jack is the alpha and also that deep down, Will does not have the option to not cooperate. And more Will gets convinced to help for one step, stronger Jack drags Will into it for one more.

The first time we see Will interacting with any victim-related people, it is confusing. Being an empath and claiming that he can not only relate to narcissists and sociopaths but anyone, he does not seem to empathize much with the victim’s parents, cutting into the conversation about parents’ doubts on their daughter’s likelihood of being alive with a non-emotional, case related question. It almost makes you question if his ability to emphathize is just stronger with the dark side of the force than it is with the light one. Yes, the primer focus is to catch the killer and stop whatever malice is going on but after all, Jack came to Will with the need of help, so Jack must care about the case resolving more than he does. Yet, Jack seems more understanding of the parents’ feelings than Will, although Will is an ultimate empath. We even see Jack’s disapproval when Will cuts into the conversation. It is a brow mover.

Next, we get more insight about Will as he meets Winston. He finds him on the road roaming, tries to get close to him but cannot, so he drives all the way to his home to get something to lure him with and comes back to the dog. He is willing to go lengths to add a new dog to his pack, to his ‘family’, to his ‘social circle’. Something he is not willing nor comfortable to do for a person. Will's preferring an animal's company to a person's may say more than obvious. Afterall, he chooses Hannibal over Jack too, doesn't he?

Will who has already started to get traumatized by the case, is ambushed in the bathroom by Jack with an unforgiving mobbing, forcing ideas out of Will and stirring him up in the expense of his stability. Later on in his little chat with Alana, Jack’s intentions and priorities are further put into perspective. The way he talks about Will shows that for him, Will is more of a means to an end than an actual colleague. His insistence about “putting Will out there” despite Alana’s warnings and his admission of not being absolutely capable of protecting Will’s mental health just crowns that he does not genuinely care about Will. In fact, he even knows the risk of what he is doing, and he is trying to draw Dr. Bloom in to share, if not all together blame it on, the responsibility if something may go wrong.

We finally meet Hannibal in his office in a therapy session with his patient. The look Dr. Lecter throws when Franklyn blows his nose and places the dirty napkin onto the table… Up to this scene, we were not given any clue to suggest that Hannibal Lecter is a killer but after all, we do know who he is. And him being the first actual predator in the series we meet, we do not see him acting on brute violence or inelegant butchering. His first reaction depicted is unrest against rudeness. So the audience is welcomed into the mind of Lecter with an easily apprehensible act that can be shared by almost anyone. Almost to suggest that, this act of Franklyn’s may be enough to justify a wrath that may come upon him.

Jack shows up in Hannibal’s office unannounced and mistakes Franklyn with Hannibal. Hannibal, of course slightly annoyed, tells Jack to wait in the waiting room and invites him in with his own timing. Being a bossy and dominant guy he is, this takes Jack by surprise and it also tells us that there is an even stronger alpha here. So Jack realizes he cannot dominate Hannibal into his will like he did with Will. He may have to try something else. As Jack asks questions that are getting more specific and personal as they come, we see Hannibal getting cautious. Taking his scalpel into his hand and eyes widening. He lowers his guard only when he learns that he was referred to Jack by Dr. Bloom, his eyes visibly getting smaller, which are almost the only window to his thoughts anyway. So after seeing the sophisticated aura leaking not only out of Hannibal but everything around him, Jack chooses to sweet talk him into cooperation.

When Jack, Hannibal and Will first come together in a room, it is the first time in the show where Will makes such a long, non-blinked eye contact with someone, that being Hannibal. And we see mixed emotions and thoughts on Hannibal’s face. He is amused, intrigued and curious at the same time with the way Will thinks. He makes a quick analyze of Will which results in making him fling out of the room. Being the controlled, non-impulsive, strategic guy he is; even Hannibal himself is a little surprised with the sudden blurbing of his perception of Will. So maybe this first scene having Will and Hannibal together is another kind of first as well with both men doing something not typically them.

Hannibal, telling Jack that “he may help Will see the cannibal’s face”, he copies the crime of Minnesota Shrike. At the first look, this looks like an attempt of toying with the FBI and confusing them. But considering Hannibal’s last conversation with Jack, this feels more like a tribute, a helping hand for Will. Hannibal knows that Will would know that this is not the same killer the second he sees the crime scene. As Will later says to Hannibal, this was done to show Will a negative so that he could see the positive. So, we see from this point on that Hannibal’s wit does not focus on FBI, it does on Will. We see Hannibal eating and smiling, joyous of the fact that he now has an object of interest. Will imagining of a stag right after this, as stag will be the subconscious symbol of the Chesapeake Ripper / Copycat Killer before Will knows who he is and later when he does, of Hannibal; it shows that Hannibal literally entered his life and mind in more than one way.

Hannibal shows up in Will’s house very early and obviously very impatiently. So he does not only plan to interfere Will with being the Copycat Killer but through his ‘person suit’ as well. Feeding Will the meat of the girl he killed is also exciting for Hannibal as this manipulation game he has set to play with Will gets to be sicker for a normal human perception.

The breakfast scene is also the first time where Hannibal is looking for some ill-intent or killing inclination in Will, while Will denies having so. He wonders how much being able to empathize with killers say about Will’s own potential to do so. Hannibal suggests that Jack is treating Will as he is “a fragile little teacup, only used for special guests”. And that he himself sees him as “a mongoose that he would want under the house when snakes slither by”. He suggests that Will is not a pray that should be afraid to get hurt, that he is the predator. By that Hannibal does not only encourage the destructiveness Will may be trying hard to keep buried to come alive, but also the false perception that Will’s mind is strong enough to take any challenge Jack may throw his way.

Hannibal warning Garret Jacob Hobbs is literally setting the pieces in position of his will to get Will where and how he wants. He does not know what will be waiting in Hobbs’ house for Will but in the end, it does not matter so much since he just wants to see what happens.

When they arrive at the house, seeing Hobbs leaving his wife on the threshold her throat cut, Hannibal stands still. Is it because he is so confident that Will will be too frantic to ever look back and notice that, or is it because deep down he just does not feel like putting his person suit on in front of Will? I think both. When Will shots Hobbs and tries to tend Abigail on the floor, Hannibal walks in and sees Will caring hard for the girl. Hannibal’s face looks curious about what is going on but more than that, again, his focus is on Will more than it is on anything else. He sees all these humane emotions that Hannibal himself has always been somewhat stranger too on Will, those emotions that he thought, cannot come in a package with all the destructive ones. But maybe they can. And those emotions may even look nice. Because it almost does on Will. Although how the events would turn out Hannibal did not know, it was certain that the way he pushed things, there would be blood and there would be Will doing something that will change him one way or the other. After all, they have undergone a traumatic (for Will) and exciting (for Hannibal) circumstance together and it is a known fact that people who experience a significant situation together tend to develop emotional bonds. Maybe this was the least of what Hannibal hoped for. If that was the case, he got more than he wished. Will got to kill someone even if it was for a just reason and there happened to be an orphaned girl that Will desperately bonded the moment he killed her father, who maybe a manipulative tool for Hannibal in his game. The last scene where Will finds Hannibal holding Abigail’s hand in the hospital room highlights this perfectly. Now, Hannibal and Will has a mutual asset that Hannibal may use to draw Will closer to himself despite of Will’s initial reservations to do so.

[alicanta77]

Finale: All or Nothing

Pairing: y/n x Haechan

Themes: angst, fluff, suspense(?)

Warnings: swearing, zombies, blood, violence, death, virus, illness, anxiety, mentions of abusive family, needles (one injection)

Words: 12.4k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Finale

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The inspiration for this story came from my amazing friend @2-cute-4-school and her story called ‘Evanescent’. Her work is so brilliant and she is such an under-appreciated writer. I can’t recommend or praise her enough. Thank you to the ends of the earth for letting me use it as a starting point.

I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has read post mortem. This is my first series and it so special to me so it means so much to receive likes, comments and tags saying that you enjoyed it. It has brought me brilliant friends such as @in-my-neofeelings and @honei-n and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. It’s been a wild ride so far and I hope you enjoy the finale!

Felix xox

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Jeno walked swiftly down the hallway. He had holding a single piece of paper, folded in half to hide what was on it and his feet were almost silent as he made his way to your room. He turned a quick corner, knocking on your door three times, pausing for a second, then knocking again twice, before letting himself in.

He closed the door behind him, twisting the lock so that it clicked, before turning around and facing the rest of you. He held up the paper in his hands.

‘I’ve mapped out the blueprint of the army base.’

I.N. spoke next, running a hand through his hair to hide the fact that it was shaking slightly.

‘I’ve figured out how to override the system.’

Wooyoung joined in, swallowing before talking.

‘I’ve sorted our weapons.’

You spoke last. 

‘I’ve planned our route.’

The four of you looked around at each other, your obvious nerves making the tension levels rise.

I.N. took a deep breath.

‘Ok, so we’re all set for going back into the simulation.’

You nodded, determination taking over your mind as you shared a look with the boys in front of you.

‘Let’s blow this thing up.’

It hadn’t been easy to get organised. Especially not without drawing any attention to yourselves. Jeno had managed to draw up a map of the army base, marking the easiest route to the kill switch. He still remembered the ins and outs of that place from his summer camp, therefore was nominated the best person for the job. I.N. had spent his few days in the tech lab. He worked alongside a few other technicians, supporting people in the simulation. He quickly realised however, that they weren’t supporting them, but instead were directing packs of zombies towards them, trying to get as many people as possible to turn. It was in mindless conversations with these people that I.N. managed to ask a few questions about the system and get a vague understanding of how it worked. Wooyoung had been the one to realise that you would need weapons. Once the people here figured out that you had gone, they were going to come after you with everything they had. You knew too much. You were going to have to protect yourself, and Wooyoung managed to figure out how. And your job was to plan the way to the army base. You were hoping that I.N. could find a way to place you at the army base but, just in case, you had planned seven other routes. You had also spoken to Donghyuck’s sister, begging her to stay safe and keep her head down for the time you were away. You didn’t tell her much, only that you were going to get Donghyuck. She seemed to understand a lot more than you thought she did, as she gently held on to you while you hugged goodbye, taking the chance to whisper “do what you have to” in your ear. You had no idea if she had figured out what was really going on, but you knew you would never underestimate the girl again.

Tomorrow was the big day. Tomorrow was when it mattered. Tomorrow you went back into the simulation.

---

You were lying in bed that night, Jeno next to you as you chatted with each other about random things, trying to ease your nerves. You were glad that he hadn’t left you alone, instead claiming that he would wait for you to fall asleep before heading back to his own room.

‘What do you think will happen to us in there?’ He asked, changing the subject from whether starfish have feelings to the task ahead of you.

‘I don’t know.’ You answered honestly. ‘Probably what happened before, except harder. There are more zombies and we have to be careful not to get bitten. I mean, we always were careful but... everything relies on us now.’

‘As long as one of us makes it we’ll be okay.’ He reasoned, keeping his eyes on the ceiling above him. ‘We’re gonna get to see everyone again too.’

‘Yeah.’ You breathed out, your mind filled with the memories of Hyuck and you couldn’t begin to imagine what it would feel like to see him again. ‘It feels like it’s been a lifetime since I saw them last.’

‘I know.’ Jeno replied. And he really did. Since you both got your real memories back, your friendship had gone right back to normal. It was such a relief to have someone who understood the situation you were both put in, especially as it was so hard to explain.

A silence fell over the two of you for a second.

‘Are you thinking about Hyuck?’ He asked, turning his head to look at you.

‘Yeah.’ You said honestly, keeping your eyes on the ceiling and blinking back the tears that were gathering. ‘I miss him.’

‘I know you do... I also know that he misses you too, if not more. I still can’t quite wrap my mind around the fact that they actually think that we’re dead.’ Jeno looked back at the ceiling, blinking back tears of his own before you saw them. ‘Do you think they’ll believe us when we tell them about the simulation?’

‘I mean, we’ll be alive. Surely that must be proof enough?’ You wondered. ‘Although, it almost doesn’t matter whether they believe us or not. We actually don’t need them to, we just need to hit that button.’

Jeno nodded.

‘You’re right. We need to focus on shutting it down and we can properly reunite and explain everything to them once we’ve woken up again.’

You hummed in agreement, your eyes shutting slightly as tiredness began to take over you.

---

Tomorrow had arrived.

You woke up to an empty room, Jeno fulfilling his promise and heading back to his once you had fallen asleep. You looked over at the alarm clock on your bedside table, the red numbers staring back at you. 

9:37am

You were meeting the boys in Wooyoung’s room at 10am, as per I.N.’s request, meaning you had 20 minutes. You lay in bed for a short while, the thought of what you were preparing to do occupying your mind, before climbing out and heading towards the shower.

After a quick shower, you dried off and pulled on some more clothes. All the clothes supplied here were the same, tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt, the colours just varied every day. Today you had white bottoms and a white t shirt as well. You pulled them on before walking towards your door. You opened it, stepped into the hallway and began making your way to Wooyoung’s room.

---

By the time you arrived, the other boys were already there. There was a heavy silence in the air, it was clear that they’d been discussing something before you’d arrived.

‘What wrong?’ You asked, afraid of what they were about to tell you.

‘Dr Kim is in the pod room. He booked it last night and apparently won’t be leaving for the rest of the week.’ Jeno explained.

Your brows furrowed slightly in confusion.

‘Ok, that’s not good, not at all. Is Dr Kim-’

‘The one you overheard with Jeno? Yes.’ I.N. cut you off. ‘Look, we can’t waste any time. I say that, as soon as he leaves the room, we go in, lock the door, and get into that simulation.’

The three of you nodded in agreement.

‘I.N’s right.’ Wooyoung said. ‘We don’t have time to wait for an opening, we’re gonna need to create one. We can hear the door opening from here so, as long as we are near, we can make sure to take that gap.’

‘There’s something else.’ I.N. abruptly mentioned. You and the two other boys turning to look at him quizzically. ‘The three of you are going in alone.’

‘What? I.N. wait-’

‘No, let me explain.’ I.N. interrupted Wooyoung’s protest. You didn’t know how to feel, you had been prepared for all of you going in, you weren’t sure how you were going to leave him behind. ‘The three of you are going in alone because you have to. Firstly, in order to get into the simulation, someone else has to “authorise” it, for lack of a better word. You are going to be lying in a pod, and I’m going to “authorise” you going in. No matter what we try and do, one of us would always have to stay behind. And it has to be me. The three of you are much more suited for the challenge ahead, I’m just the brains of the operation. Plus, I’ve got to make sure that no one can follow you in or pull you out, therefore I need to stay here. Besides, from out here I can throw them off your scent, hack into the camera system to make sure that the cameras don’t follow you, and other things like that.’

He looked around at you, easily telling from your faces that you clearly weren’t okay with this development.

‘I.N. we need all four of us. We can do this if we’re together.’ Jeno pleaded, but I.N. simply shook his head.

‘You can do this alone.’

‘No I.N. we need you. Like you said you’re the brains of this and what if we come across a problem that you know how to solve but we don’t? You have to come with us.’ You begged him, but he didn’t change his opinion.

‘You have to trust me on this. You need to leave me behind.’

Wooyoung was the only one who hadn’t said anything, just staring at his friend sadly.

‘You know they’ll punish you for us going in right? You’re going to pay for the consequences of our actions.’ Wooyoung whispered, obviously scared for what would happen once you leave.

‘I know.’ I.N. replied, his voice quiet but surprisingly calm. ‘But that should buy you guys some time. And you’re going to need all the time you can get.’

The three of you nodded, finally understanding that, even if I.N. wanted to, he couldn’t join you in the simulation. He needed to protect you from the outside.

‘Just... promise me one favour?’ I.N. asked.

‘Anything.’ Wooyoung guaranteed.

‘Let them know that I’m okay. Especially Chan... please just make sure he’s not blaming himself.’ He whispered.

You felt yourself nodding. You couldn’t help but let your mind drift off to the boys who were in there, waiting for you. You thought of how Renjun had argued with you not to become a raider in the first place, claiming that he just wanted you to be safe. You thought of how Jaemin had only ever asked one thing of you, and that was for you to stay alive. You thought of how desperate San had been to stay with you when you had told him to leave you behind. And you thought of how Donghyuck had looked when you told him you were going on that final run. You thought of how you could see every part of him want to tell you “no”. You thought of how many times he had pulled you in for a hug and begged to stay with him. And you thought of how he had looked when he sat by your grave. They needed to know that you were okay. They needed to know that you didn’t blame them. They needed to know that you loved them.

The sound of a door opening and harsh footsteps treading down the hallway next to you interrupted your thoughts. The four of you froze, listening to the muttering voice of Dr Kim disappearing down the corridor as he muttered about being interrupted.

‘The room’s empty.’ I.N. stated.

Jeno stood up, quietly opening the door and checking that it was clear before turning back to the rest of you.

‘Let’s go.’

---

‘This better be important.’ Dr Kim stormed into his office. ‘I have other business to attend to.’

‘Sir, you’re going to want to see this.’

The head doctor, Dr Kim, turned his head towards the voice of his assistant. On their computer screen was a video, a video of your conversation from last night. Dr Kim leaned on the desk in front of him as he listened to the four of you talk.

‘Ok, so we’re all set for going back into the simulation.’

‘Yes. Let’s blow this thing up.’ 

Dr Kim took a deep breath as he tried to make sense of this development. 

‘How did they find out?’ He asked, his voice quiet but the anger clear.

‘We don’t know.’ His assistant replied. ‘But they’re planning to head back into the simulation and shut it down. They’ve... they’ve found the kill switch.’

Dr Kim’s eyes shot to his assistant, who once again shrugged, answering the question he hadn’t yet asked.

‘Then the answer is simple. We need to stop them. Shut down the pod room, no one goes in and I want to be alerted if there is any attempt to override the system. And you-’ Dr Kim clicked at the bodyguard on his right side. ‘Let’s go pay our little heroes a visit. I think they’re in need of a few new memories, don’t you?’

---

You watched as I.N. shut the door tight behind him, making sure to twist the lock. He stopped briefly, taking a quick look around before beginning his instructions.

‘Ok, Wooyoung, go into that cupboard and grab the solution that’s there, y/n, find me a syringe and Jeno, go and open three of those pods.’

You all nodded, quickly scrambling to fulfil your orders. You were pulling open random drawers, desperately looking for a syringe for I.N. to use. You were on your seventh when you finally found it. You turned around triumphantly, holding it out for I.N. to take when the lights surrounding the door went red and a low electronic groan echoed out.

‘What was that?’ Jeno asked to no one in particular.

‘We don’t have time to wait around and find out.’ I.N. grabbed the syringe out of you hand while uttering those words. The tension was unbearable, all of you knowing that you had a very short amount of time before you were caught.

What none of you knew was that, you had already run out of time.

---

Dr Kim threw open Wooyoung’s door, a shout of frustration leaving his mouth as he found it empty. He had been to all of your rooms in an attempt to find you. He stormed into the corridor again, his eyes drifting to the pod room down the hall. He walked up towards the door, pressed his ear against the wood, and listened.

His guard behind him had a hand on his gun as he watched Dr Kim’s face transform into an expression of absolute rage.

‘They’re in there.’ He forced through gritted teeth. He turned around and looked at his guard before shouting. ‘Get this door open!’

The guard moved forwards immediately, putting the gun back in its holster and attempting to kick down the door. After a few tries he turned around.

‘It won’t budge. It needs to be opened from the control room.’ He informed the doctor in front of him.

Dr Kim let out a strangled scream and lunged forward to grab the radio off the guard’s waist. He lifted it up to his mouth and spoke into it, shouting instructions at the people in the control room.

‘I want the door to the pod room open right now!’

‘But Dr Kim, if that-’ A static voice came through from the other side, giving him some excuse as to why he needed to wait.

‘I don’t care! Open the door now!’ Dr Kim threw the radio back at the guard in front of him and watched as the lights around the door changed from a red to white, signalling that it was unlocked.

He threw the door open and burst into the room.

---

‘Get this door open!’

Dr Kim’s voice travelled through the door separating you and the four of you inside looked at each other in fear.

‘Jeno, quick! Come here.’ I.N. instructed, moving the syringe so that it was close to his neck. He had already given you and Wooyoung injections, only Jeno’s was left. He pulled the syringe out, ready to send you back into the simulation. ‘Go and lie in a pod and close the door on top of you.’

His voice was sharp and clear, not a single trace of fear in it, the only thing betraying him were his slightly shaking hands. You could hear a loud bang come from the door as you ran towards the closest pod. You turned back towards I.N. as a thought crossed your mind.

‘I.N.!’ You called out, only getting a hum in response. ‘Can you do me a favour?’

I.N. looked up at you for a split second, his expression conveying all he needed to say.

Now is not the time to ask questions but yes, what do you need?

‘Please, look after Hyuck’s sister for me? Make sure that she’s okay.’

I.N. nodded.

‘I promise.’

You felt a small amount of relief flow through you. You were leaving without speaking to her so you were glad to know that she would be protected. You quickly lay down in your open pod, pulled the door down over you, and, as the door clicked shut, you were encased in a pale blue light.

A few seconds passed before I.N’s voice came through.

‘Ok, I can’t seem to put you straight into the army base for some reason, the location is locked on here and I don’t have time to figure out how to hack it, but I’m going to drop you as close as I can. It’s in the nearby city and looks like it’s just under half a day’s walk away.’

You took a deep breath as you mentally pictured the maps you had drawn up. You knew you had planned some routes that went through nearby cities, you just weren’t sure which on you were going to be dropped in.

‘If I remember correctly from when we went in, you’re going to get very drowsy in a minute, just relax into it. Let the simulation take you okay? Don’t panic.’

He paused for a minute, leaving you in silence, your own breathing being the only thing you could hear. You could feel your eyes begin to relax and the tiredness swept through your veins. You could feel your heart rate begin to rise, all the memories from the simulation flooding back through your mind. Your father’s death, Jeno’s death, Donghyuck’s sister’s death, the first girl you killed. But you forced those pictures out of your mind. This time wasn’t going to be like that. You were prepared. You weren’t going in there to just fight for your life, you were going in there to save everyone. I.N.’s voice came back over the speakers, just as you lost consciousness completely.

‘Good luck.’

---

You opened your eyes.

You were surprised to find yourself standing up. You were stood in the middle of a road, clearly on an abandoned high street. The shops up and down the pavement were empty, some even having been looted. You turned to look around you, spotting Wooyoung and Jeno a little further down.

You took an experimental step, relieved when you didn’t go crashing to the ground, and took off in a jog. Both of the boys saw you moving towards them and came forwards to meet you halfway.

You came to a halt when you reached them, the three of you standing in silence.

‘Well...’ Wooyoung spoke, his eyes constantly darting around your surroundings. ‘We made it.’

‘Yeah, I guess we did.’ You mumbled, your eyes looking down at the ground. It was only when you did this, did you realise the clothes that you were wearing. ‘Oh my god! I’m in the clothes I died in.’ You realised, both Jeno and Wooyoung’s eyes darting to their bodies as well.

You recognised Jeno’s outfit from the final day at Mark, the sight of him running through the infested house on the monitors was not one that you would easily forget, and judging from Wooyoung’s shocked face, he was also wearing what he had been killed in.

‘Wow. Yeah, thankfully the clothes from just before we died. Cause, you know, there wouldn’t be much left of mine otherwise.’ Jeno’s shot a smile at the two of you. 

You stared at him in disbelief, a laugh leaving you despite the circumstances.

‘Only you could joke about blowing yourself up like that.’ You chuckled.

But Wooyoung whirled around to stare at Jeno.

‘You blew yourself up?’ He asked, as Jeno nodded in confirmation.

‘Yeah, just pulled the pin on a grenade and ran into a group of zombies.’ He shrugged like it was no big deal, causing Wooyoung to stare at you.

‘It’s true.’ You informed him. ‘We were in the floor above. The blast knocked us off our feet.’ Your voice got quieter towards the end. Even though Jeno was very much alive, listening to the blast and coming down to the wreckage of Mark’s kitchen wasn’t an easy thing to forget.

Jeno placed a hand on your shoulder, sending you a comforting smile. You sent one back before turning to Wooyoung again.

‘But what about you? San told me all about your heroics, sacrificing yourself so that they could get into the army base.’ You grinned at him, watching as Wooyoung blushed slightly.

‘I’m not the only one though, who sacrificed myself for San am I?’ He asked, looking you directly in the eye.

Your smile shrunk slightly, leaving only a sad one on your lips.

‘We weren’t both making it out of that alive.’

You all fell into silence after you spoke those words, all replaying the scenes of your own deaths in your minds. It wasn’t something you ever expected to be haunted with, but here you were, stumbling back through this wasted version of the world, being stalked by your own ghost.

‘Let’s just get our weapons and move on?’ You suggested, breaking the tension as both boys nodded in agreement.

‘If I remember correctly...’ Wooyoung muttered, mainly to himself as he walked through a broken shop window. He disappeared for a while, making yours and Jeno’s hearts race in fear. You had forgotten the terror that came along with losing sight of someone for a few seconds in this climate. 

His head popped up again, a childish smile on his face. 

‘Found it.’ He informed you, even though neither you nor Jeno had any clue as to what “it” was.

‘You know,’ Wooyoung continued. ‘I.N. actually couldn’t have dropped us in a better place, I grew up around here and I know that the owner of this store was very paranoid about people stealing his things. So he had a secret compartment put in, and filled it with these.’

Wooyoung appeared over the top again, this time holding a gun in each hand. They were large guns, similar to the kind that you had used at Mark’s. He handed one to each of you and then grabbed one more for himself. He also pulled a box out that was filled with cases of spare bullets.

‘I thought we might need these too.’ He said as he unzipped a backpack on the floor, emptying the contents and filling it again with the cases of bullets and a few spare pistols. He also made sure to hand both you and Jeno a handgun. 

‘How do you know all of this?’ Jeno asked, his eyes wide at the sight in front of him.

‘Hmmm? Oh I worked here part time. It paid quite well actually. He only ever took on three students a year so it was really competitive.’ Wooyoung replied.

‘So he told all his employees about this? How come no one else took these?’ You wondered aloud.

‘Oh no. He didn’t tell all of his employees. Only me.’ Wooyoung corrected you.

‘Well, please don’t take this the wrong way, but why you?’

Wooyoung looked up at Jeno’s question, diverting his eyes from the gun in front of him.

‘Simple. He liked me.’

Another large smile broke out across the boy’s face, one that made you smile with him, without realising it. Wooyoung was such a happy virus, someone who could make people happy or brighten their day without even trying. Your mind drifted to Donghyuck. The only boy who could make you smile even in the worst of circumstances. You missed him. You missed him so much that it physically hurt. It sometimes felt like he was the only thing keeping you going.

‘Right.’ Wooyoung’s voice cut through your train of thought. ‘Shall we go?’

You opened your mouth to answer but before you got a chance to, a low groan sounded through the high street. It was a noise that you hadn’t heard for a while, but nevertheless, still managed to send a chill of terror down your spine.

You turned slowly and made eye contact with the zombie staring at you through the broken store window.

---

‘Where are they?’ The Dr Kim bellowed as he burst into the camera room. ‘I want eyes on the three of them right now!’

All he got in response were frantic nods from the staff as they combed through every camera that they possibly could to find the four of you.

‘Doctor! I found them.’ A voice from the far left called out.

‘Put them up on the screen.’ Dr Kim instructed, watching as the main screen on the wall lit up with a picture of you all walking through the empty high street.

‘That street... I know that street.’ Dr Kim mused. He turned to the guard on his left and barked an instruction. ‘You, go to y/n’s room and grab the papers on her bed.’

The guard left immediately, running down the corridor.

‘Send a zombie their way.’

The staff nodded in response to his request and watched as you turned to look at the zombie now watching you through the window. Dr Kim focused as Wooyoung pulled the gun up and shot it through the head immediately, not wasting a second.

‘They’re not afraid to kill anymore. They know that they’ll only wake the person up. I want them out of there as soon as possible.’

‘Do you want us to organise for them to die? Or to pull their pods out?’ One of the crew asked.

‘No.’ Dr Kim muttered. ‘They know too much, and there’s no guarantee that they won’t figure it out again. Fake memories are hard to create and even harder to make last, our best chance was putting the two of them into a relationship. If that didn’t work before it’s not worth wasting the time and resources to try and do it again.’

‘So, what should we do doctor?’ The same person questioned.

‘There’s only one answer really, they can’t leave. We have to make sure they turn. Push forwards the mutation of the virus. What stage are we at currently?’

‘Stage 3 out of 5.’ Another voice appeared from somewhere in the room, Dr Kim didn’t know and didn’t care where.

‘Mutate it. I want stage 5. Enable the virus to be transmitted through insects. If they get bitten by an infected mosquito, I want them infected, if they eat a vegetable grown near infected bugs in the soil, I want the disease to travel to the food, if they smell a flower pollinated by a bee, I want that bee to be infected and I want the virus to transmit to them. Understand?’

He looked around at the staff behind him, all of them shouting agreement with his plan and turning towards their computers to put it into action. 

The guard appeared again,  holding out the papers towards Dr Kim. The doctor practically ripped them out of his hands, rolling them out on the table in front of him. He pointed to one drawing in particular.

‘Look, they’ve planned their route.’ He could now see exactly the journey you were planning to take to reach the army base. He checked the screen and saw the mutated virus already starting to have effects. He smiled and turned to the staff in front of him. ‘What do you say we send a few old friends to break up the party?’

---

Wooyoung reacted before either you or Jeno could, pulling the gun into position and shooting a bullet straight into the zombie’s forehead. You watched as its body hit the ground with a dull thud.

‘Jesus.’ Wooyoung breathed. ‘I forgot how terrifying seeing one of those was.’

Jeno turned around where he was and sent Wooyoung a nod.

‘Yeah me too, thanks.’

Wooyoung shrugged it off.

‘Probably better for them right? I mean, they’re gonna wake up now.’

‘Yeah, you’re right’ You piped up. ‘We can’t be afraid to pull the trigger anymore. We know nothing bad is going to happen so just, aim for the head so that it’s quick and doesn’t leave them in pain.’

Jeno and Wooyoung nodded slowly. As well as the three of you knew what was waiting for you on the outside of the simulation, and that dying here was nothing to be afraid of, it was still difficult to pull that trigger.

‘We seriously need to move, we don’t want to stop if we can help it.’ Wooyoung said, hoisting the bag over his shoulder.

Jeno turned to you expectantly, waiting to see what direction you were going in.

‘Ok, from the routes I created, we need to head West from here. Luckily for us, there’s an almost direct path from where we are now, to the army base.’

You pointed in the direction you needed to head as you spoke, Wooyoung nodding in agreement. Having someone around who knew these areas would be incredibly useful.

The three of you set off, your hands firmly on your weapons as you began your trek to the army base. You walked all the way down the high street, crossing the empty roads to take other paths. You ensured that you always took the largest street possible, not wanting to meet a group of zombies in a tight alleyway.

All the minutes seemed to blur into one as you walked. Your mind began to wander and you thought of I.N. You wondered if he had gotten into trouble when they had found him alone in the pod room. You were scared that they were going to wipe his memories again, but you were even more afraid that they were going to hurt him. You hoped that he had stayed true to his word and that he was looking after Donghyuck’s sister. You were praying that she would be okay.

The tall buildings gradually began to shrink as you left the centre of the town you were dropped in. Jeno was a few steps ahead of the rest of you and Wooyoung, naturally walking at a faster pace. The silence between the three of you was getting louder with every step when suddenly, the low groan that you had not missed in the slightest, cut through. Your heart sank, out of annoyance rather than fear.

That annoyance quickly evolved into fear when you recognised the zombie leading the silent pack walking towards you.

It was Hongjoon.

Someone who had run the army base when you were there. He had offered you support before and after every run, he had been there to listen anytime you needed to talk. You knew he was someone who could be trusted.

But here he was. In front of you, stumbling forward as though he had no idea who you were.

Wooyoung didn’t move, his voice shaking slightly as he tried to talk.

‘Hyung?’

Hongjoon’s eyes shot towards his younger friend, opening slightly wider for a second, as if in recognition, before they turned back to you, narrowed, and he shot forwards. He moved like lightening, you only had a second to shout out before you were on the ground, underneath Hongjoon who was biting at you with everything he had.

Wooyoung pulled his gun into position and aimed at his friend’s head. He could hear your shouts as you pushed against the infected boy with all your might, yet he didn’t pull the trigger.

‘Wooyoung, shoot!’ You screamed. ‘It’s not real! Shoot!’

A shot rang out and Hongjoon collapsed on top of you. You rolled him off you and on to the ground and looked up. It wasn’t Wooyoung who had fired, it was Jeno. Jeno grabbed you by the hand and pulled you up. He turned to shoot an accusing look at Wooyoung, preparing to say something, but he was interrupted by the rest of the crowd of zombies breaking out into a run behind you. 

The three of you took off. You tried leading the boys on your planned route to the army base but more zombies just appeared from that direction.

‘How are there so many all of a sudden?’ Jeno asked in between breaths.

‘I don’t know!’ You said, frustration bubbling up inside you. ‘It’s almost as if they’re spawning here.’ Then a sudden realisation dawned on you. ‘The lab must have found our plans. They know our route, we have to find another way.’

Jeno’s eyes widened in desperation, the both of you wracking your brains in an attempt to think of an escape plan. You hadn’t noticed that in an attempt to escape the undead hoard chasing you, you had circled back and were heading back into the main city. 

Suddenly, Wooyoung’s voice rang out.

‘I know a way. Follow me.’

He sped up as he ran back into the streets of the city he knew. You and Jeno both followed, piling on the extra speed in order to keep up. You turned a sharp corner a few seconds after Wooyoung and found him attempting to open a manhole cover. Jeno crouched down next to him to help and, together, they lifted the metal cover off. It was on hinges so it should be easy to close after you.

‘You’ve gotta be kidding me.’ You groaned.

‘It’s either down here with a few rats, or out there with them.’ Wooyoung nodded in the direction of the zombies. Their footsteps getting dangerously loud.

You sighed, nodding in agreement. Wooyoung climbed in first and then Jeno held out a hand to offer you help.

‘No.’ You bluntly refused.

‘No? y/n I thought you said you were ok going in? We don’t have-’

‘Not that kind of no.’ You cut him off. ‘I’m going in, I’m just going in last.’

You could see Jeno was confused so you explained hurriedly, trying to keep your voice as steady and as hard as possible. But you didn’t quite manage to stop it form shaking.

‘The last time you offered to go last was at Mark’s and the next think I knew, I was watching you die. I don’t care if this is a simulation, I’m not risking it again.’

Jeno’s expression completely changed. He looked like he wanted to say something but Wooyoung voice travelled up from below before he could.

‘What the hell is taking you two so long? Don’t worry, I know these tunnels.’

Jeno swung his legs into the manhole, climbing down the ladder quickly. You waited until he was a few rungs down before lower yourself in too. You had just got your lower body in and you were reaching for the lid when the first zombie skidded around the corner. It let out a sort of yell, almost in triumph, and you slamming the cover shut over you. You bent yourself in half slightly, not being far enough down the ladder to close the top and stand up straight.

You thought that would be okay but the lid started to move up again and you got a glimpse of the zombie trying to open it.

‘Wooyoung! How do I shut this?’ You screamed down.

‘The wheel on the inside. Turn it!’ Wooyoung yelled back, the panic clear in his voice.

If you didn’t get this wheel locked it would be game over.

You tried to step down slightly, not being able to pull the door down with force at the angle you were standing. However, it was incredibly difficult as you had both your hands on the wheel above you. You placed another foot down, but this time you misjudged where the step was and slipped. You went down about two rungs, a yelp escaping you as you did so.

‘Y/n!’ Wooyoung screamed from the floor.

You felt a strong hand come up and grab the back of your thigh, steadying you.

‘You’re okay. Now, close it.’ Jeno’s words brought you right back down to earth and filled you with the strength you needed.

You gave the cover a powerful tug, yanking the wheel to the right as you did so. You kept both hands there, turning the wheel until you couldn’t physically turn it anymore. Eventually you stilled, your hands stopping their frantic movements.

You stood where you were, pausing just to catch your breath.

‘We’ve gotta keep moving.’ Wooyoung’s voice echoed up through the tunnel and you nodded.

You released the metal wheel above you, instead grabbing the ladder and lowering yourself down onto the floor.

‘Let’s go. I know a path into the woods, I’m pretty sure that it has an exit close to the army base.’

Wooyoung made to move off but Jeno’s hand shot out, grabbing him by the shoulder, stilling his movements.

‘Not so fast kiddo.’ He said, staring the shorter male down.

‘I’m older than you.’ Wooyoung muttered, his eyes facing the floor. Despite the fact that Wooyoung was older, it was obvious who had the power in this verbal exchange.

‘You didn’t take the shot.’ Jeno said, watching as Wooyoung swallowed. ‘You had a clear shot, you wouldn’t have hit y/n, but you didn’t take the shot. Instead you put her in danger, and in turn, endangering everything that we’re trying to do here. You know it’s not going harm them. Why didn’t you take the shot?’

‘I tried to. But he was still my friend. I was staring at the face of my friend. I know that he’s going to wake up, and that he’s probably better off dead than as one of those, but... I just didn’t think it would be that hard to pull the trigger. I’ve done it plenty of times. Hell, I even did it earlier today, but when I was looking into the eyes of someone I knew... I couldn’t do it.’

Jeno sighed deeply. You could tell that he understood where Wooyoung was coming from.

‘Ok.’ He said, Wooyoung looking up in shock at how fast Jeno moved on from it. ‘No one got hurt, and hopefully by taking this route we shouldn’t have to see anyone else.’

Wooyoung smiled thankfully, turning around and pointing down the tunnel.

‘It’s this way.’

And once again, you set off.

---

Your throat was dry, your legs ached and you were tired. You had been walking for hours and you were worried that it was going to be dark when you left the safety of these tunnels. Wooyoung wasn’t lying when he said that he knew them well, from the easy way he was guiding you through them, he had clearly spent a lot of time in them when he was younger. You had to admit that Wooyoung had made himself an invaluable member of your team. You really had no idea how you could have gotten this far without him.

As thankful as you were to everything Wooyoung had done so far, you had never loved him more than when he told you that you could stop walking. He approached the ladder in front of him, gently placing his hands on either side and whispering.

‘This is it.’

He climbed first, turning the wheel to unlock it at the top and wincing as it creaked loudly as he pushed it open. Wooyoung paused with it open slightly, listening for the tell tale noises of the undead, and then continued to open it completely.

You climbed out of the top, savouring the fresh air, pausing to listen for a guttural groan or ominous footsteps but, instead, you were greeted with a blissful silence. 

Well, almost blissful.

‘Careful!’

A voice echoed through woods, a voice strangely familiar that caused both yours and Jeno’s head shoot up.

‘That sounded like Renjun.’ You whispered breathlessly, the thought of seeing your longest friend after what had felt like an eternity was almost alien to you.

‘I know. But it can’t have been him, he’s at the base.’ Jeno reasoned.

‘Jaemin, you ridiculously stupid moron.’ The voice appeared again, causing you and Jeno to share a smile.

‘No.’ Jeno’s eyes curved up into crescents. ‘That’s Renjun.’

‘Renjun!’ You shouted out, starting to jog towards where you had heard him before.

You didn’t get a reply, causing to you panic as an indescribable feeling of sadness took over you. 

‘Renjun, it’s the grief. It can cause you to hear people when they’re not there.’

‘I’m not an idiot, San. I know my best friend’s voice.’

Your heart sped up again, warmth spreading throughout your entire body as you called out.

‘Renjun?’

This time you got a reply.

‘Y/n?’ You heard footsteps speed up, getting louder as they got closer to you. ‘Oh please be real, please be real, please be-’

Renjun turned into your line of vision, his words and movements stopping suddenly as he laid eyes on you. You smiled at him, tears starting to blur your vision.

‘Hi.’ You said.

That was all it took. Renjun threw himself forwards, pulling you in for the tightest hug you had ever felt in your life. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and hugged him back, feeling his tears begin to wet your neck.

‘You’re real. I knew it, you’re real.’

His words got lost in a haze of disbelief and shock at the sight of you standing in front of him, alive.

He pulled away, cupping your hands with his face, wiping away the tears that had fallen. He just stared at you, utter amazement gracing his features. Then, finally, a smile broke out. The largest smile you had ever seen. He wrapped his arms back around your waist, pulling you around in a circle as he screamed happily into the air.

‘I was right!’

It was at this moment that Jeno, Jaemin and San also found their way to where you were. You pulled away from Renjun, staring at the two boys behind him as Renjun’s eyes locked on to Jeno. You stroked Renjun’s face one last time as you moved away. Renjun hit Jeno at full force, hugging him tight and bursting into tears again. You didn’t move, looking only at Jaemin. He was staring back at you, clearly not knowing what to say.

So you smiled.

‘Miss me?’ You asked, watching as Jaemin’s face broke out into a smile matching yours and he laughed with glee as he ran towards you. He picked you up in a hug, his laughter never stopping. You couldn’t help but laugh back. He put you down, finally managing to get some words out.

‘Oh god I missed you so much. You’re alive!’

You nodded, the smile on your face was starting to hurt but you couldn’t make it smaller even if you wanted to. You pulled away from him after a short while, allowing him to greet Jeno and you were left facing San.

San didn’t meet your eyes, instead choosing to stare at his feet.

‘San?’ You asked, hoping that he would at least look at you.

You could see the boy blinking rapidly, chewing on his bottom lip at the same time. Eventually you couldn’t take it anymore. You walked towards him and pulled him in for a hug. The second your hand made contact with his shoulder, San broke down, hugging you as tight as the others and whispering about how sorry he was.

‘Shhhhh, it wasn’t your fault. You did exactly what you should have done.’ You comforted him.

You pulled away sooner than you wanted to, but you knew he had to see Wooyoung.

‘I have a surprise for you.’ You said, smiling at him.

San sent you a teary but confused smile back, and you wordlessly grabbed his hand and turned him around.

Upon seeing Wooyoung, San moved faster than you had ever seen him move before. He shot towards the boy, Wooyoung moving forwards too as they reunited. Renjun appeared back at your shoulder, keeping an arm around you, as if to remind himself that you were really there.

‘I’m so happy you’re okay, but I have to ask, how?’

You shared a look with Jeno and called out to Wooyoung and San.

‘We’ll tell you on the way. It’s not an easy story.’

‘On the way? Wait where are you going?’ Jaemin asked, placing a hand on your chest to stop you moving.

‘Back to the army base.’ Jeno explained. ‘There’s something there that we need to do.’

Renjun and Jaemin shared a nervous look.

‘What’s happened?’ You asked, your hope diminishing by the second.

‘We’ve lost the army base.’ Renjun said bluntly. ‘People started turning from the inside, with no scratch, bite, or even contact with a zombie. It was as if it was in the air. Anyone who could abandoned the building immediately. Within under two hours it wasn’t safe anymore.’

‘Are you three the only ones who made it out?’ Wooyoung voiced the question you were too afraid to ask.

‘We don’t know.’ San chimed in. ‘The three of us left within a few seconds of each other. All we know is that we were the first out. If anyone got out after us, they can’t be far away.’

‘This isn’t part of the plan.’ You whispered, bringing your hand up to your head to rub your forehead.

‘What plan?’ Renjun asked, his eyes flickering between you and Jeno.

‘The plan. The plan that’s going to save us, to end this all.’ You rambled, not even fully sure of what you were saying.

‘End this all? Wait do you know how to stop the apocalypse?’ Jaemin asked.

‘There is no apocalypse!’ You exploded. ‘None of this is fucking real! It’s a damn simulation.’

‘A simulation...’ Renjun repeated.

‘Yes, a simulation. Aren’t the three of us proof enough that this can’t be real life. Jaemin, you shot me. In the head. How the fuck would I recover from that?’

Jaemin flinched at the reminder of your death. Jeno, noticing how your distressed state was unsettling others, tried to calm you down.

‘y/n, just breath for a minute ok?’

You whirled around.

‘No! Not okay. I’m so fucking done with this. How much hell have we been put through. I have killed people, and watched them been killed. I have lost friends, lost memories, left people behind, fought for my life and it still isn’t enough. When is this shit going to end? What more can they put me through?’

You turned towards the sky and screamed.

‘Fuck you! You hear that Dr Kim? Fuck you and your little experiment. I’m still finding a way to shut you down. Because you know what? I’m getting that happy ending. Cause after all the shit you’ve put me through, I fucking deserve it!’

You sat down, trying to catch your breath after your meltdown. You stared at the grass in front of you, ignoring the five sets of eyes watching your every move.

‘You went through something pretty rough on the outside didn’t you?’ Jaemin asked, assuming there was something more to your anger than what you had just learnt.

‘Yeah. It wasn’t easy.’ Jeno clarified. You were glad he didn’t go into more detail and even more glad that the boys didn’t ask for more.

You stood up, pulling your gun around to your front and took off.

‘Uhhh, y/n? Where are you going?’ Renjun asked.

‘To the army base.’ You declared. ‘I’m still shutting this thing down. Even if I had to do it alone.’

‘Who the hell said you were going to be doing it alone?’ Jeno’s words caused you to stop and turn around.

‘You’re coming with me?’

Jaemin shrugged, grabbing the pistol that Jeno offered him and beginning to walk towards you, the other boys all following.

‘Well, we started this together. Might as well end it that way to.’

---

The doors to the army base were open when you arrived. The wide gates were oddly unnerving, open gates were normally a symbol of welcoming, but this only reminded you of the gates to hell.

‘Remember, just get to the button and press it. That’s all we need to do so just focus on that.’ Jeno reminded you all. His voice was clear and steady, not a hint of fear in it. It was the voice of a true leader.

You stepped forward, ready to face whatever came at you.

---

You don’t know where it went so wrong.

Only you and Jeno were left alive and unbitten. The rest of you had been picked off one by one. They appeared out of nowhere, moved quickly and silently and were almost impossible to find. You had no idea what had made the zombies so dangerous all of a sudden. They had lost the slow paces of the previous kind, the fast bursts only maintained for a few seconds, and now had the agility of 20 year olds. It was as if they had retained the characteristics of the people they used to be. It was even harder to know that it was you friends picking you off just predators pick off the weakest member of the herd.

The two of you moved silently, aware of the moving shadows that signified the walking ghosts of your friends. You had only seen a few faces yet. You’d seen Chan, Changbin and Jongho as well as Mark and Chenle. It was seeing Mark and Chenle that was the most difficult, and in that minute you understood better than ever before, why Wooyoung couldn’t pull the trigger on Hongjoon. 

A scream came from your left and you turned and blindly fired. You missed and watched as a figure you recognised to be Jaemin’s slunk back down the corridor.

You were only a few minutes away from the button, but at the pace you were moving, it would take you ages. You had to speed up. There was a door up ahead, one that was already open, as if it was awaiting the two of you. It only took one short shared look for the plan to be formed. You counted to three under your breath.

One

Two

Three

You threw yourself forwards, sprinting towards the open door as fast as you could, Jeno doing the same. Jeno reached the doorway before you did, and, as you cleared the distance, he slammed the door shut behind you.

You whirled around as you heard another loud bang on the door and saw Jeno pushing himself up against it to hold it in place. All of a sudden it made perfect sense as to why the door had been open.

It had no hinges.

The zombified bodies of your friends were pushing against it, clawing desperately to try and reach Jeno.

‘y/n, you have to go! Run now and find that button.’ Jeno’s voce was strained, all his energy being used to keep the door in place.

‘No, Jeno you have to go. You know the base better than I do.’ You reasoned.

‘Do you think I can go anywhere right now?’ He asked, pushing back on the door again as it began to budge. ‘Don’t be an idiot y/n, just go! I’ll hold them off for as long as I can.’

So you ran, you turned on your tail and sprinted down the hallway. You were pretty sure that you only had to get down this hallway, one set of stairs and one last door before you were at the button.

You were so close. Surely nothing could stop you now. All the zombies were upstairs, you had a free run.

You had just turned the second last corner of the corridor when you felt two hands grab your arm tightly and teeth quickly sank into the skin.

You let out a scream in pain, the zombie releasing your arm and stepping back from you, its work now done. You spun around and came face to face with the zombie who bit you.

Donghyuck.

Your heart stopped as you looked at the boy you loved. He stared back at you with no recognition, his eyes dull and his skin coloured with a sickening grey tine. You didn’t have time to mourn him. Your only hope was now getting to that button before you turned and forgot who you were. If you turned, all hope was lost and this would all have been for nothing. You knew from the last time you were bitten that you only had a few minutes, probably less if the doctors at the lab had mutated the virus. The pain in your upper arm was excruciating.

You stumbled forward, trying desperately to remember Jeno’s drawing of the army base layout. You turned a corner and came across a set of stairs, taking you down into the basement.

You took the first one, you vision starting to disappear as dark spots danced across the scene in front of you.

You took the fourth one. Focusing only on that button you had to do something with.

You landed at the bottom.

You stood there, not moving, confused beyond belief as to what you were doing. Why were you here? You had no reason to be at this level. You should be upstairs so that you could leave the base soon. 

You turned around, away from the door in front of you. You looked up the stairs and saw Jeno. His eyes a cloudy white colour, and the veins across his arms and neck running black. Your eyes focused on a small black object behind him, however, something that was built into the wall, you had never noticed it before.

A camera.

You swung yourself around so that you were facing towards the door again. You knew what you were doing. You knew who you were. You knew what was behind that door.

You turned the handle, throwing yourself against it when it didn’t open. You banged the door with your shoulder, screaming in frustration when it refused to open.

You took a step back and lifted your foot. You kicked the door with all your force, relief flooding your system when it swung open. However, the momentum of the kick carried you through and you didn’t have the balance to keep yourself upright. You landed on your back, a sickening crack echoing off the walls as your head came in contact with the concrete floor.

You groaned in pain, recognising how your voice was sounding more and more like the undead’s. You summoned every bit of strength that you had and pulled yourself up so that you were on all fours.

You tucked your legs under you and pushed yourself up from the floor.

This was the room that Jeno was talking about. You vaguely registered a tunnel to the left, one that you assumed led out into the forest. And in front of you, only a few steps away, was an almost empty control panel with only one small button on it.

The entire room was spinning and your vision was getting darker by the second. You didn’t know if you had any strength left to continue forwards, holding on to the door to keep yourself upright. You head was pounding, your arm was throbbing and your heart was aching.

Your body was screaming at you with everything it had for you to stop, to give up, to rest. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t give up now. Not when you were so close.

You stepped forwards. You thought of Renjun. The boy who had never left your side since the day he met you. He was fiercely loyal, always prepared to do everything he could to protect the ones he loved. To protect you.

You stepped again. You thought of Jaemin. The boy who had saved your life more times than you cared to admit. He had diligently watched over you, cared for you and loved you when you couldn’t do it yourself. He wouldn’t hesitate to keep going. To rescue you.

You stepped once more, collapsing on the counter in front of you, the button in sight. You thought of Jeno. The boy who had been through exactly what you had and was the only one to know the true pain of it. He had protected you from more than you knew and you knew he would never stop protecting you. To shield you.

You pulled yourself up, the button within your reach. You thought of Donghyuck. The boy who you loved more than anything else in this world. The boy who you would do anything for. He was sunshine personified, always finding any way he could to make you happy and always ready to fight anything that had made you sad. There wasn’t a thing that he would not do for you. He would volunteer to go through hell and back a million times without even thinking about it. To save you.

You threw yourself forwards, the last thing you saw being the button spinning with the room as your vision disappeared completely. You brought your hand down in a final attempt to hit the kill switch, your brain only managing to register one final sound as your legs gave out completely and you blacked out.

Click.

---

The dull pain at the back of your head was the first thing you noticed. You tried opening your eyes, but your eyelids felt so heavy it was impossible. You gave up, trying instead to listen to the movement around you. You managed to register a woman’s voice somewhere in the haze.

You tried again to open your eyes, this time succeeding slightly. This prompted the woman watching over you to call for a nurse. You couldn’t see the nurse through the blurred slit of vision you had, but she had a soothing voice, one that radiated comfort.

‘Don’t overwork yourself y/n. You’ve been through quite an ordeal. Just take your time and you’ll be able to wake up.’

You took a deep breath, relaxing your eyelids so that they were fully shut, and tried again. Finally, you managed to open them all the way. The room gradually came into focus, and you saw that you were lying on your bed in your room at the lab. You saw the nurse next to you and your eyes widened.

‘This place- it’s not safe. It’s not what you think. We need to-’

The nurse put a hand on your shoulder, pushing your body back into the bed.

‘Calm down y/n, it’s okay. We know. A Yang Jeong-In called and explained the situation to us. At first, we were skeptical, but we sent an investigation over anyway. We owe you a great deal y/n. You’ve saved a lot of people.’

She smiled at you as you fell back into the pillows.

‘I didn’t do it alone.’ You insisted. ‘Wait, how long have I been asleep? How long was I in the simulation for.’

The nurse chuckled.

‘Don’t worry sweetheart. You haven’t lost a year of your life. In fact, it’s only just been around 30 hours since you went back in. You saved us in a day.’

‘Wait... it worked? We did it?’ You whispered, not quite believing that it was finally over.

‘You did it y/n. You’re safe now. In fact, your friends are also all awake. When you’re ready, you can come and see them.’

The nurse smile at you as you nodded. You began to sit up, but fell back immediately when the pain in your head flared up again. The nurse grabbed a pill and some water from your bedside table and handed them to you.

‘Here, take this. You took a nasty fall in the simulation and your body is convinced that it has concussion. Now since it didn’t really happen, you don’t, but it may hurt for a short while. This should help.’

You nodded absentmindedly as she spoke, purely obsessed with the thought of seeing your friends again.

You attempted to sit up again, this time with much more ease.

‘Wow, that worked fast.’ You commented, causing a light laugh from the nurse at your side.

She gave you a supporting hand as you climbed out of bed and stood up. You walked shakily over to the door, leaning on the frame slightly for support as the nurse opened it.

You headed outside, amazed by what you were greeted with. There were police, detectives and special investigators all over the scene. Dr Kim was sat in the lobby when you passed, in handcuffs and being read his rights. He looked up as you walked by, and if looks could kill, you would have been a pile of ash on the floor. But they couldn’t. So instead, you paused, held eye contact for a second and smiled before moving on.

You were finished with that.

Your nurse led you to the room that you recognised as the test centre. It was where all your skills had been testing once you left the simulation the first time.

‘The room has been cleared out and turned into a relaxing space. At the moment, we’re just using if for your group. We thought that since you saved all of us you deserved your own area.’

The genuine smile on the nurse’s face made you laugh in happiness. She turned the handle and pushed the door open.

‘I’ll leave you be.’ She whispered from behind, pulling it shut gently as you walked it.

The sight in front of you brought tears to your eyes. Jeno and Jaemin were collapsed next to each other of a sofa, looking at something on a phone in front of them, Chenle and Jisung were attempting to teach Renjun a sort of clapping game, Chan and I.N. were standing in the far corner chatting with Mark and a few others and San and Wooyoung were laughing at something over a box of pizza.

But the best sight of all, was right in front of you.

There, sat on the floor, his little sister curled up in his lap as he peppered little kisses all over her face, was Donghyuck. Alive and happy. He held he close, treasuring the fact that he got to have her back. He laughed at something she said, the sound reaching your heart immediately and you realised just how much you had missed him.

Renjun noticed you first. He had given up on learning whatever game Chenle and Jisung were trying to teach him and turned around, coming face to face with your smiling figure. 

‘Look who it is!’ He announced, easily gaining the attention of the rest of the room. They all turned around to look at you, smiles breaking across all of their faces as they did so. ‘Our saving grace.’

‘Lets hear it for our hero!’ Jeno called out, causing the room to erupt in cheers, screams and claps as you stood there slightly awkwardly. 

You looked at Hyuck again, this time finding him staring right back at you. His sister moved off his lap, allowing him to stand. The entire room was watching as he made his way towards you. He didn’t break stride, instead choosing to pull you in towards him for a hug. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he pressed you against his chest. Your arms moved up by themselves, finding their place behind his neck and holding on for dear life.

The hug got tighter and more desperate the longer it went on, Donghyuck holding onto you as if you slip away if he let go. Little did he know, you weren’t going anywhere. He mumbled out a few words, you only just managing to catch them because of how his face was buried into your neck.

‘I missed you.’

‘I missed you too.’ You whispered back, relieved to finally be back with him.

‘Don’t you guys think that you two are slightly beyond hugging?’ Renjun’s voice interrupted your moment, causing you both to turn and stare at him incredulously. ‘Come on! If this experience has taught us anything, surely it’s that time is precious and we shouldn’t waste it dancing around our feelings.’

As much as you loved Renjun, you had never wanted to hit him more than you did at that moment. You wanted to talk to Hyuck about your feelings but not in front of everyone and, now that the reality of that conversation was dawning on you, you were nervous for it.

Hyuck, on the other hand, seemed to ponder Renjun words before turning back to you.

‘You know, he has a point.’ He mused a cheeky smile on his face.

‘Hmmm?’ You hummed, not sure where he was going with this.

Donghyuck simply took a small breath before pulling you in again. He used his hands, that were still resting on your waist, you pull you in closer, and then moved on up to cup your face as he leaned it. You had about half a second to understand what was happening before his lips were on yours.

Donghyuck kissed you.

Finally, after all these years and struggles, you finally got to kiss the boy you loved. You kissed him back, shyly at first but, as with the hug, the emotions grew. Before you knew it you were pouring all the love you had for the boy into your kiss, praying that he would be able to feel it.

When you finally pulled away you stared into his eyes. You ignored the cheers and shouts of “finally” coming from your friends, only focusing on the boy in front of you. He gently tilted his head forwards, so that his forehead was pressed to yours.

‘I love you.’ He whispered.

‘I love you too.’ You replied, your voice as quiet as his, but your words just as powerful.

---

After a couple of hours, you and Hyuck eventually excused yourself from the rest of your friends, choosing to instead go back to your room and spend some time alone together. Hyuck’s sister had headed back to her room earlier, leaving just the two of you wandering the halls side by side.

‘You know.’ Hyuck grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers with his as he talked. ‘i always knew that, if any of us was gonna save the world, it would be you.’

You blushed.

‘I didn’t save the world... Besides, I don’t know why I’m getting all the credit! Without everyone in that room, we wouldn’t have done it.’

‘I know.’ Hyuck giggled. ‘But you’re still the one who pressed that button. And according to Jeno, you’re the one who figured out the truth as well. Let me just compliment you! I like being able to say that my girlfriend saved the world.’

You looked at him out of the corner of your eye, unable to stop the smile from spreading across your face.

‘Girlfriend?’ You questioned, watching as Hyuck began to get flustered.

‘Uhhh- I mean... we haven’t really had a chance to talk about it yet but... hopefully?’ He questioned, looking shyly at you.

‘Sounds perfect.’ You grinned, squeezing his hand that was in yours.

And for a minute, all was right with the world. Until two words cause Donghyuck to freeze where he was, terror consuming him.

‘You bastard!’ Donghyuck’s father came storming up to the two of you. ‘What gives you the right to act that way? Thinking you can treat me like that? I don’t care if it was in a simulation, you’re going to pay for that.’

Donghyuck’s father lifted up a fist, in an attempt to hit him, but Hyuck was faster. He pushed on the opposite shoulder on his father’s body and stepped back, watching as the momentum of his father’s punch threw his body around in a full circle. Donghyuck pushed you behind him slightly, wanting to protect you.

This action did not go unnoticed by his father, who tilted his head to the side, observing how you gripped his arm and how Donghyuck was shielding you.

‘Ohhhh.’ He realised, a wicked smile taking over his features. ‘So the two of you fell in love.’ The smile dropped off him completely. ‘How sweet. Maybe, if Donghyuck refuses to face the consequences of his actions, someone else could take the punishment for him.’

‘Back off!’ Donghyuck barked, moving you properly behind him. ‘You don’t touch her.’

‘Protective are we?’ His father teased but Hyuck didn’t reply. ‘What would you do to protect her? How far would you go? Would you shout at me? Would you threaten me? Would you hit me?’

His father had been circling Donghyuck all this time, trying to find the right moment to pounce. Only when you arm appeared around Donghyuck’s waist did he make his move. He lashed out with a harsh punch to Donghyuck’s shoulder, causing the boy to fall to the floor, and grabbed you holding you by the wrist with one hand and around the neck with the other.

‘I’ll kill you!’ Donghyuck screamed, losing his mind at the thought of his father hurting yet another person he loved. He stood up, preparing to charge at his father.

‘Take one step closer and I’ll cut off her air supply.’ His dad’s voice was quiet, no more theatrics or teases, just a pure, cold-blooded threat. Then his voice changed again, back into the taunting manner it was previously. ‘Or maybe I’ll just do it now.’ He began to push down slightly, making you swallow out of discomfort. He gradually pushed down more, making it increasingly difficult for you to breathe. ‘Maybe that will finally get you to throw a punch.’

Down the end of the corridor you recognised the police uniform, meaning that Donghyuck’s father had run out of time. You swung your foot underneath you, taking him by surprise and effectively ruining his balance. Hyuck took his chance while his father was out of it and pulled you back into the safety on his arms. He stroked the hair out of your face.

‘Are you okay?’ He asked, concern and guilt prominent on his features.

‘I’m okay.’ You reassured, falling back into his embrace.

‘You bitch!’ Donghyuck’s father roared and he prepared to throw himself at the two of you again. But this time he was met with the police. One officer tackled him immediately, forcing him to the ground as another secured his arms behind his back with a pair of handcuffs around his wrists.

You and Hyuck watched as he was arrested on suspicion of the murder of Donghyuck’s mother and multiple account of domestic, physical and verbal abuse. Just as he was being pulled up he look at Donghyuck one last time.

‘When will you be a man and learn how to throw a punch.’ He spat.

Hyuck stood up calmly, pulling you with him and keeping an arm around you at all times, but he never took his eyes off his father.

‘Being a man isn’t about being able to throw a punch. It’s about what you would take a punch for. I will never throw a punch, because I will never be like you. Goodbye father.’

You watched as Donghyuck’s father was dragged away in handcuffs. Only once he had disappeared around the corner did you turn to Hyuck.

‘I’m proud of you.’ You smiled slightly.

‘Thank you.’ Hyuck whispered, smiling back and placing a kiss on your forehead. ‘I have one favour to ask you though.’

‘Yeah?’ You looked up at him.

‘Can we go to bed? I’m exhausted.’ He said, watching as you burst into laughter at his mundane request.

‘Sure we can.’ You agreed, your body starting to agree with Hyuck.

---

You lay in your bed, your head on Donghyuck’s chest, his arms around you and your legs entwined. You’d been mindlessly chatting for the last few minutes but the conversation had since then drifted off into a comfortable silence.

‘I figured it out you know.’ Donghyuck informed you suddenly, causing you to look up at him from where you were laying.

‘What did you figure out?’ You asked, entertaining his antics.

‘That it wasn’t a real virus and that there were higher powers responsible for it. I figured it out first.’ His slightly smug yet still teasing voice brought a smile to your lips.

‘How did you do that?’ You were genuinely curious as to how he had come to this conclusion.

‘Remember? At the beginning, as soon as the virus broke out, I told you it was government created.’ Now the smugness was really coming through on his voice, showing how he was clearly enjoying this.

‘Go to sleep Hyuck.’ You chuckled.

‘I’m just saying.’ He whined, pulling his arms around you tighter.

You didn’t reply to that one, choosing instead to smile. You nuzzled further into Hyuck’s chest, relishing in the fact that you finally get to be close to him. 

And that’s how you spent your first night of freedom. Curled up next to the boy you loved, with him whispering sweet nothings into your ear, all thoughts and dangers of the simulation far behind you.

Turns out you finally did get your happy ever after.

[chipper9906]

Heal The Cracks Within My Heart - Chapter 8: Homesick

< - - - Previous Chapter

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR LOKI SEASON 1 EPISODE 6 ‘FOR ALL TIME. ALWAYS.’

Pairings: Loki/Sylvie

Rating: General Audiences

Chapter Word Count: 7,142

Overall Word Count: 72,547

Status: Multi Chapter Fic - In Progress (8/?)

Chapter Preview:

“Is it because you don’t want to hit me?” It takes everything Sylvie has not to physically laugh in his face. “I know we’ve grown a fair bit closer since then, but you seemed to have no trouble doing it in the past. You slammed my face into that… stool thing, remember? Just… think about how annoying you found me then, or… or think about when I accidentally destroyed the TemPad, or -- Oh! How angry you were when I tried to stop you from killing He Who Remains, that was -- Oh wait! A little bit earlier, when I said about falling in love with this other version of you! What would you do if you saw me after catching me flirting with—”

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* * *

The morning after was never usually so comfortable for Sylvie.

That was because most of the time… there was no morning after. It didn’t matter how kindly her partner for the evening has treated her, or how clingy they became — whether they knew the Apocalypse was upon them or not. She would never, ever, let herself fall asleep in a strangers bed, or… or couch, or… well, sometimes in an Apocalypse, it’s more of a ‘hook up in this dark alley’ kind of moment, so it wasn’t like she would be getting any sleep there, either. 

It was a new experience for her. For a moment, she wasn’t sure why she had awoken with a smile on her face, given that there isn’t usually anything good happening in her life to warrant its presence. But then her sleep-addled mind registered the sensation of arms securely wrapped around her, of warm, bare skin pressed against her own, and the memories of last night came flooding back: clothes haphazardly tossed to the side, slick mouths sliding together, hands exploring toned muscles that danced under each others touch, fingers tangling into long locks as breathy moans are panted against each other's lips, the feel of sweat covered skin as they moved against one another. 

She hadn’t realized just how much she wanted this, how much she had been missing. She had only really known the physical side of sex, because… it is a very physical act. But now she knows how different it is when she’s not letting some random stranger be the one to explore her body, but someone she cares for, and someone she knows cares for her in return. No, not just cares for her, but loves her. 

She still couldn’t quite believe it, even though Loki had repeated the confession a few times at her request. She had never really considered the possibility of love — both loving someone, and having someone love her back. There had been no room for it in her life, living the way that she did, and she could never look past the mission. It hadn’t seemed to matter what became of her life once she took down the TVA; revenge had been all she knew, and all she ever wanted. 

It was strange that now, that want had transitioned from one singular mission to… a person. Actually, when she thought about it… that was greatly oversimplifying things. She wanted more than just Loki, she wanted… a life with him, some sense of normalcy — as normal as normal can be in their life, anyway. Something other than being on the run constantly, or being hunted down, or being the one doing the hunting. 

Even now, living in this small slice of domesticity with Loki, she still struggled to see that future. Not just because she’s never lived that kind of life, but because… she couldn’t see an end to this. It had taken all this time to kill one man, and now… they have to kill endless amounts of that same man?

They still had so much to learn about the Multiverse. Even if she could wrap her head around the number of timelines that now exist, and even if they could kill every version of He Who Remains in those timelines… wouldn’t there always be timelines popping up into existence with every small alteration? From one singular timeline, there had been an eruption of other timelines, to which those timelines bred their own timelines, and so on and so on. Killing every version of He Who Remains — or at least, the bad versions — didn’t seem like a job they could just… wrap up and then carry on with their lives. It wasn’t even a job that seemed achievable in their lifetimes. They would have to pass it on to someone else — which then brought up the question of who they would pass such a burden onto, especially when… when all this was on her. 

Or… or they’d have to find a way to run things from outside the limits of time. Set up shop in the citadel at the end of time, keeping them from aging so they can do this… endlessly. Never growing old, never able to find a moment of peace. It would make these little moments they found within Apocalypses seem like dream vacations in comparison…

“Should I be worried over whatever you’re worrying about?”

Sylvie startles at the sound of Loki’s voice, shuffling around and glancing up to see him peering down at her with groggy eyes.

The clarity slowly comes back into Loki’s eyes as he wakes up. It was surprisingly easy for Sylvie to lose track of her thoughts when his eyes met hers, still able to picture the way they had looked last night:  the blue of his irises all but disappearing as his pupils took over; darkened eyes hungrily taking her in, drinking in every detail and preserving it to memory like he may never get the chance to see her like this again—

“Sylvie?”

“Uh…” Sylvie snaps herself back to the present. “…What makes you think I’m worrying over anything?”

Sylvie feels Loki’s arms shrug around her. “Call it a hunch. Or… call it the fact that you feel so tense, I was wondering if you were about to bolt from the bed.”

Loki’s tone was a joking one, but Sylvie could hear that little tidbit of anxiety hidden in there, too. He genuinely thought that the last part was a possibility, and whilst she knew that wasn’t going to happen, she couldn’t blame Loki for thinking so. 

“Nothing, just… overthinking, as usual.” She gives him a small smile, one that he mirrors back at her. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m… just getting used to the feeling of all this, I suppose.”

Loki chuckles in agreement, glancing around at the cozy wooden and stone walls of the Inn that sheltered them from the elements. The single window situated in the wall to the left of them showed views of the snow-covered forest they had come from, the few snowflakes they could see lazily drifting to the ground in no way an indicator of the deathly snowstorm that was supposed to befall this picturesque little village. 

Sylvie turns herself around in Loki’s arms until they were face to face. “Aren’t we supposed to be out there saving all the universes?” she asks teasingly, playfully nudging her knee against his. 

Loki lets out an odd mixture between a hum and a groan. “We probably should be, yes. Doesn’t mean I want to right this minute, though.”

Loki was much too comfortable right now to do much of anything. He didn’t want this small bubble of peace they were engulfed in to be burst — which it would be. It always is. But if he could just get a few extra minutes of this, then… He’d do whatever good deed the universe… universes —plural — was now apparently expecting of him.

Sylvie apparently agreed with him, seeming in no hurry to escape the comfort of the bed’s plush blankets — or his arms, for that matter. 

“How did you end up being the big spoon?” Sylvie asks him, referring to the sleeping position she had woken up in.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Loki was getting strangely offended at the challenge to his role in spooning. “I am the taller one; it makes more sense for me to be the big spoon.”

“Hmm… you didn’t exactly have that kind of mentality last night,” Sylvie’s words land exactly the way she intended, grinning at the flush that steadily made its way across Loki’s face. “The man who clamors for control… actually prefers being dominated.”

“When it’s you,” Loki grumbled. 

“Oh? So you’re more… ‘in control’ with other partners?”

“Yes,” Loki asserts, trying to claw back some of his pride. “I usually prefer being the one who dictates the flow of things… leaving my partner at my mercy — and my mercy alone.”

“Mm-Hmm,” Sylvie hums thoughtfully, peering up at Loki through squinted eyes. “So… why did you leave all that to me last night?”

“Because, when I typically take control, I intend for my partner to thoroughly enjoy it,” Loki answers. “With you… I didn’t think you’d like that all that much; losing control, especially when in... in such a vulnerable state. I…”

Loki paused for a moment, frowning in concentration as he tried to find the right words. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but… I think we both know that all of your previous partners have been one-time affairs, have they not? With this, I…”

“Were you… worried you wouldn’t compare?” Sylvie asks.

“What? No—” It was kind of that, but it wasn’t the main point Loki was trying to get across. “—No, it’s…” Loki sighed harshly. “Call me sappy if you’d like, but… I guess a part of me was scared you might see this as another one of those one-time things. I… I didn’t want to do anything that you’re not comfortable with, so I just let you take the reins, because… the last thing I wanted to do was scare you off. I wanted to ensure that this, that our first time with each other, would be one to deposit into your good memories. Because, whilst it might be our first time, I was rather quite hoping that it would be the first of many.”

Oh…

Loki’s eyes dropped down and away from her, and just like that, any pretensions of teasing him any further had flown right out the window. Sylvie lifted up her hand from where it rested against the bed, placing it tenderly across his cheek. Her thumb slowly drifted up and down across the sharp edge of his jaw, drawing his line of sight back to hers. 

“First of all? You don’t need to worry about comparing yourself to the others. Not one bit,” Sylvie assures him. “In fact, it doesn’t even compare. None of them do.”

Her words at least seem to be reaching Loki as the truth she intended them to be, the corner of his lips curling up by just the slightest. A part of her wondered if he was playing this as a whole ‘self-conscious lover’ kind of thing so she’d sit here and boost his ego. Then again, she’d probably do the same thing…

“Secondly, I fully intend for this to be a regular occurrence,” Sylvie states like it’s a matter of fact. Loki raises an eyebrow in surprise at the confidence in her voice — but naturally, he doesn’t question it. He’d have to be crazy to question such a thing. “And… okay, so you might have been right—”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Loki asks in disbelief, untangling one of his arms to cup his hand around his ear. “My, my… hearing that might just have felt better than—”

Sylvie shut him up with a swift punch to the arm, glaring at his ear-to-ear grin. “Egotistical bastard…”

“Sorry, sorry -- you were saying?”

Sylvie kept up the glare for a good few seconds more before she continued. “I was just going to say… thank you. Letting me… be the one in charge, it… it helped keep me at ease. And I know you wouldn’t do anything to me, but… bad habits die hard, I guess.”

“It’s okay,” Loki reassured her, lazily drifting his knuckles across the soft skin of her chin. “Having this… it’s already more than I ever thought I’d have. One step at a time, right? These are big changes; I wouldn’t just expect you to jump between them like it they’re no problem.”

“No -- but I’ll still give it my all.” Sylvie surges up to plant a soft kiss on his lips, pulling away before she lets it lead into a repeat of last night that they, unfortunately, didn’t have time for. 

Ironic, considering they had two devices in their possession capable of transporting them through time and space. 

“But that means you’ve got to start pushing me a little, too. Sometimes I’m going to need some help, someone to nudge me out of my comfort zones, okay? I want to start meeting this other Loki your other partners have had the privilege to meet.”

Loki grins unabashedly at her, raising a hand to his head in a mock salute. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Good. Now, come on—” Sylvie makes a start to get up, pulling herself out of Loki’s grip. “We should really start getting ready—”

Loki’s arms almost immediately snake back around her, dragging her back towards the warmth of the bed. Loki’s smile was nearly bright enough to match the pure white of the snow-blanketed on the windowsill, placed there not because of his actions, but because of hers. He knew that, if she really didn’t want to be pulled back into the bed, she would have stopped him. The fact that he was able to pull her back into his arms was because she was letting him.

Because she didn’t fancy leaving the bed as much as he didn’t

“Five more minutes?” he offers when she falls back into his chest. He uses his free hand to pull the blankets back around them before she even has a chance to respond to his offer. 

“Fine.” Sylvie sounded annoyed, but Loki could hear the pleased undercurrents to her tone. “Just five more minutes.”

Two hours later, Sylvie was perched on the edge of the bed, finishing up tying the laces on her boots. She watched Loki out of the corner of her eye as he crouched by the fireplace, extinguishing the last few stubborn embers that continued to burn despite most of the fire having burnt out during the night. 

Sylvie shrugged on the fur coat Loki had created for her — and then later discarded to the ground in his haste last night — reaching into its pockets and pulling out the TemPad. She slides it over her hand, squeezing her hand into a fist as she stares down at the TemPad. 

“Would be nice to stay here forever, wouldn’t it?” Loki says wistfully, leaning back from the now-empty fireplace with a bitter-sounding sigh.

Sylvie barely hears him, too preoccupied with running a finger down the singular timeline that glowed up at her. Loki looks over at her silence, standing up from the fireplace and making his way over to her. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his trousers, cocking his head at Sylvie as he comes to a stop in front of her. 

“Is it whispering secrets to you that I can’t hear?” he asks teasingly, leaning forward as if trying to listen in closer. 

“Oh, definitely.” Sylvie looks up from the TemPad with a sly smile. “It’s telling me every little dirty secret you’ve been trying to hide from me.”

“Ah… I’m afraid I don’t have any,” Loki counters. “At least, none that I’m aware I’m keeping from you.”

“Well, that’s not ominous…” Sylvie returns her gaze to the TemPad, tapping her finger against its surface. Not to input or choose anything, from what Loki could see. 

“Are you keeping secrets?” Loki jokes… for the most part. 

“None worth telling.”

Now that was ominous, Loki thought. 

Loki takes a seat on the edge of the bed next to her, sighing softly as he runs a hand across the top of his head to push his hair back and out of the way. “You going to tell me what you’re thinking about? Is it… something to do with what you were worrying about earlier?”

“No,” Sylvie answers, and it’s the truth. She wasn’t thinking about that — not right now, anyway. “I was… thinking of doing something selfish.”

A beat of tense silence passes between them. Sylvie glances up to see Loki looking rather concerned, his eyes darting between her and the TemPad she held. It was only natural that he was thinking back to the time she last used the TemPad doing something ‘selfish’, resulting in him tumbling back through a Time-Door and nearly ending up imprisoned and potentially reset. 

“...And… what exactly is that?” Loki finally gathers up the courage to ask. 

“I… I know that we should really get a start on this whole… saving everyone thing…” Sylvie begins, her choice of words getting a hushed snort of laughter from Loki. “But… ever since what Mobius told us, I… I haven’t been able to get them out of my head.”

“Get… who out of your head?”

Sylvie taps at the TemPad, the patterns of squiggly lines atop its surface shifting around until one lone timeline shone up at them. “My family. I know they’re out there now; my past life -- the life I could have lived.”

“You want to see them.” Loki didn’t phrase it as a question. 

“I know I probably shouldn’t. I know it… it won’t do me much good, to see everything I missed out on. But… it’s…”

“It’s home,” Loki uttered softly. 

“Is it selfish?” she asks him, dropping her hand back down to her lap. 

Loki takes in a deep breath through his nose, rocking back slightly. “If it is… I think you’re permitted to be, after everything that’s happened; everything that was taken from you. And besides—” Loki gestures to the TemPad. “—Maybe after we regale them with stories of the terrifying dictator we are courageously facing, we might just sway them into giving us a helping hand. The soldiers of Asgard would certainly be a good acquisition in the coming fight. We’ll need all the help we can get…”

“Kind of sounds like we’re building our own army…” Sylvie notes. 

“I suppose… we are,” Loki realizes. “But… not in the traditional way. There’s a difference, fighting using those under your command, than with… fighting alongside allies.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Sylvie says with an awkward shrug of her shoulders. “The only other person I’ve had fight by my side is… you.”

“Well... it won’t be long before we have more allies for you to compare.” Loki stands from the bed, nodding his head towards the TemPad on Sylvie’s hand. “And family is as good a place to start as any.”

A grateful smile hitches at the corner of Sylvie’s lips. She looks down to the TemPad, letting her finger hover over it for a moment before she pressed down on her timeline. The lights of the TemPad pulse with her touch, fading away as the Time Door materializes into existence in front of them. 

“Do you… want me to come with you?”

Sylvie whips her head around at his offer, confused as to why it was even a question of whether he was coming with her. She had thought it would be a given by this point. 

“I understand if you’d rather not have me there for something like this. That’s not to say I feel particularly comfortable with the thought of you being quite so far out of reach, but… if that’s something you want, then I can stay here with the other TemPad and meet up with you on a different—”

“Loki?”

Loki stops in his ramblings when she says his name, mouth snapping shut at the part-adoration-part-exasperation on her face. 

“...Yes?”

“Are you always this much of an idiot the morning after, or is this just a rare occurrence?”

Loki shoots her quite the impressive bitch-face. 

“You’re coming with.” Sylvie reinforces this by grabbing hold of his hand, giving it a squeeze as they move towards the shimmering time-door. “Let’s go home.”

“Wait, wait, wait—” Loki splutters urgently, digging his heels into the ground to bring Sylvie to a stop. She does so, looking back at him expectantly. “Just thought I’d check… you did enter a time before the events of Ragnarok, right? Just… you know, to make sure there’s actually a home to go back to…”

* * *

They hadn’t moved an inch since stepping through the Time-Door.

It was quite the juxtaposition: them, stood hidden within the shadows of the forest that sat on the outskirts of the city, whilst the streets of the city itself were bustling with life, crowded with people as they went about their lives. 

It was both overwhelming and not enough at the same time. Neither one of them had said a word, greedily taking in every sight of the place they both once called home. 

The palace stood proud and tall as always, golden and gleaming in the afternoon’s sun, casting an impressive shadow across the city it sat within. Loki wasn’t too sure if it was just nostalgic memories taking effect, but even the bridge itself seemed to be sparkling just that little bit more than what he remembers. 

“Does it live up to your memories?” Loki breaks the silence, somehow finding a way to tear his gaze away to look down to Sylvie. 

“I don’t know yet.” Sylvie’s eyes dance across the sights of the city, repeatedly landing back on the palace. “It… it doesn’t feel like I’m home. If anything, it’s more like… this weird sense of Deja-Vu. It feels familiar, and yet… like it’s the first time I’ve stepped foot in this place. 

“Well… maybe your memory will be jogged as we take a closer look,” Loki offers, gesturing towards the city. “…That is why we’re here, isn’t it? To see home, see our -- your -- family?”

Sylvie nods, unable to hide the nerves that were on full display. Loki steps in front of her, blocking her view of Asgard as he wraps his hands around the top of her arms. “I won't pretend to know how you’re feeling right now. Our memories of home are different; the way we see our home is different. But I know you want to do this.”

“I do,” Sylvie agrees, a glint of determination in her eyes. “I’m just… I never thought I’d get this, you know? Returning home was never something I thought I could do, because… because there wasn’t a home to return to. And now… I don’t know. I guess I’m worried it won't be the way I’m thinking it’ll be.”

“It probably won't be.” Loki surprises Sylvie with his answer — not at all the reassurance she thought she’d hear from him. “Expectations are almost always impossible to reach. But whatever home ends up being for you… surely it’ll be better than never knowing?”

Sylvie’s eyes drift to the small sliver of the palace she can see past Loki. Somewhere in there, is her family. Her mother, her father, her sister… even herself. She can’t walk away from them. She can’t just… leave them again. 

“Okay…” Sylvie modifies her fur coat with a burst of magic, forming a hood that she flips over her head. Loki raises an eyebrow as she hides her face within the shadows of the hood, reminded just a bit too much of the mysterious figure of her that he face to face with back in the RoxxCart. “You should be fine to walk the streets, but I’d rather not risk our people catching sight of two of me if my other self is out there somewhere.”

“Right…” Loki steps back to her side, joining her as they take one last look at the city from this distance. “Do we… do we want to meet the other you?”

“Could be fun,” Sylvie says with the beginnings of a smile. “It’d be interesting to see the type of person I became if… you know — the TVA had never decided to ruin my life.”

“Aren’t you worried?”

Sylvie frowns. “Worried about what?”

“Another version of you out there…” Sylvie could hear the smile in his voice before she saw it on his face, knowing right away he’s about to say something stupid as a joke. “Better hope I don’t go and fall in love with her, too…”

Sylvie slowly turns her head to face him, sporting a bitch-face that looked almost identical to Loki's. She steps up in front of him, wiping the joking smile off his face as she grabs hold of the neckline of his coat, tugging his face closer to hers. Loki swallows nervously, eyes flickering from the eerily calm look in hers to her lips oh so close to his. He wasn’t too sure whether she was trying to terrify him, or turn him on. Either way… both were working. 

“I suppose I’d have to get rid of my competition.” Sylvie’s other hand brushes agonizingly slowly up his chest, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake despite the thick clothing he wore. Loki finds himself leaning towards her, eager to close the minuscule gap between their lips. Sylvie jerks her head back before he gets what he wants, forcing him away with a firm push of her hand against his chest and a teasing smile on her face. “Or I suppose I could call you out for the idiot you’re being and leave your dumb-ass behind.”

Sylvie turns around and walks away from him, heading in the direction of the city and leaving a rather stunned-looking Loki behind. Loki stands there watching her retreating form for a moment until coming back to himself, shaking his head as he hurries after her. 

“So, just to be clear—” Loki starts as they approach the beginning of the city, emerging from the cover of the trees. “—Making jokes about myself and the other you are strictly off the table?”

“That depends.”

“On?”

“On whether you value your jokes over my affection.”

“Consider them off the table,” Loki asserts with a wave of his hand. “In fact, they’re more than just off the table; they’re no longer on this plane of existence, reduced to nothing more than a wisp of a former construct developed from—”

The first impression of the two Loki’s this universe is not entirely familiar with is seen through the eyes of a young Asgardian child, who watched as Sylvie unceremoniously shoved Loki into a stall to shut him up. 

“My deepest apologies, I must have tripped over my own feet.” Sylvie bit back a smirk as she continued walking, waiting for Loki to catch up with her after apologizing to the bewildered-looking owner of the stall. 

“Sorry, that was a tad bit harsh of me.” Sylvie has the decency to apologize to Loki as he reaches her side with a huff. 

“I think I might have landed on a wedge of cheese…” Loki wonders out loud, getting a snort of laughter from Sylvie. “If that man chases us down and demands payment for damages, I’ll pass the bill along to you…”

The people of Asgard were all wrapped up in their personal lives, some making their way through the busy streets as they make their way home, others congregated in small groups that added to the bustling crowds within the center of the city. All around them was the buzz of multiple conversations all occurring at once, muted laughter from their people as they went about their day, all sounds of… life. 

Sylvie had lost count of the number of people who had bumped her shoulder as they passed by each other in the crowded streets, tensing up at every touch as she waited for the inevitable moment they would recognize the Princess of Asgard mingling among the common people. Every time, she would pull her hood just that little more over her head, turning her entire body towards Loki as they walked. 

Yet… no one seemed to notice. She was just another name-less and face-less person to these people, going about her business the same as they were. Loki’s towering presence next to her was comforting, his hand wrapped securely around hers, appearing as just another couple walking the streets of Asgard. 

“They look happy,” Loki points out, referring to the swaths of people they had walked through. “It’s… good. Nice.”

“I’m just glad to see that me not being pruned doesn’t result in the destruction of our home…” Sylvie murmurs quietly, still not wanting to attract too much attention to herself.

Sylvie went to continue forward, only to find herself being pulled to a stop. She glances behind her shoulder, confused to see Loki frozen in place, staring at something to their right. She slowly turns towards the direction he was looking to, immediately laying eyes on what had brought him to a standstill. 

It was… her. Not the actual her, but a statue. Its well-polished bronze surface shone brightly as the sun beat down on it, displaying her in a rather impressive looking set of Asgardian Armor. Her metal figure stood proudly, wielding a familiar-looking sword in her hand that she held pointed to the ground, looking out towards the city and its inhabitants. 

“Huh.” Is all Loki can think to say. “That’s, um… that’s something.”

“I don’t know whether to take this as a good sign, or… a very bad sign.”

“...Bad as in…?”

“As in, this version of me had a similar hunger for ruling that you did.” Sylvie glowers up at the bronze cast version of herself. She shifts her gaze from the statue to the palace, the golden spires now looming over them, having inched closer and closer to home.

“We don’t know for sure yet,” Loki says. “We can't be sure of anything until we get in there, and… see exactly who it is that sits on the throne.”

* * *

The Palace was as beautiful as she remembered. 

She would have dreams of walking these halls, albeit from a much shorter height perspective. Everything was as pristine as usual, still clearly well looked after by those that serve her family. Sylvie was only really able to get a few moments to reminisce before yet another patrol of Einherjar would appear, this now being the fourth time she and Loki have had to duck and hide from their watchful eyes. 

“You know, Thor and I did something similar when we snuck out one night.” Loki’s breath tickles the side of her face as he whispers, the two of them hiding behind a marble pillar after waiting for the next set of patrols to pass.

“What for?”

“We were young, and decided that the fading of the sunlight shouldn’t dictate when the fun was to come to an end.”

Sylvie quickly checks to make sure the coast was clear before tugging at Loki’s sleeve to signal for him to move with her. Their footsteps are near-silent as they make their way down the hall, each step careful and deliberate to reduce the amount of noise they make.

“Were you caught?” Sylvie whispers in asking.

“Of course we were caught,” Loki answers. “Two foolish children stood no chance hiding from father's guards. I had only just started learning magic from mother, and to say I wasn’t particularly well-rehearsed in the art of deception and mischief at the time would be an understatement.”

“They realized you had snuck out, then?”

“Realized? They saw us making our escape attempt from a balcony. We weren’t terribly subtle with the way we went about it…”

"I can believe that." Sylvie holds out a hand to stop Loki as they approach a corner. They stand flush against the wall, Loki waiting just behind Sylvie as she cranes her head around the corner, taking a peek at what lies ahead. Or, more in particular, to see just who stood in the way between them and the throne room.

Between her, and..her family.

Or... Her and whatever this other version of herself had become...

"Two guards stationed outside the door," Sylvie whispers over her shoulder to Loki. "We could enchant them, but... I don't see a way we could get close enough to do it before they spot us."

"Hmm... If we can't rely on the element of surprise, then..."

Sylvie glances back over her shoulder, waiting for Loki to finish his sentence. She nearly has a heart attack when, instead of Loki, she comes face to face with one of the Einherjar. Her hand twitches, reaching for her sword, when something in the man's eyes brings her to a stop. There was something... Familiar shining in them. An odd sort of... Glee...

Oh, right, of course... Illusion Casting. What else did she expect from the God of Mischief…?

"Bit of warning next time, Loki," Sylvie grumbles under her breath. 

“I did,” Loki counters. “I said ‘we can’t rely on the element of surprise.’ That was my warning I was about to do something.”

Sylvie rolls her eyes with a barely audible sigh, leaning back around the corner to check on the guards. They were still stood ramrod straight in position, attentive eyes staring dead-ahead, as they usually were. 

“I could pretend to be escorting you, like I did on Lamentis,” Loki suggests. 

“Except the guards would probably be wondering why you’re escorting their Princess,” Sylvie shoots down his idea. “Also, there’s every chance you might be escorting me into the throne room, and in front of… me.”

“Right…” Loki mumbled in defeat. “Um… Illusion Casting requires a little bit more tutoring than a basic crash course, so… unless you suddenly become a master at that, too… we’re running out of options.”

Sylvie sighs from frustration, chewing absentmindedly on her bottom lip as she thinks. She takes another glance at the still stoic guards, quickly ducking back behind the corner to avoid being spotted. 

“Wait -- I think have a plan!” Loki whispers excitedly, bringing Sylvie’s attention back to him. “You need to punch me in the face.”

Sylvie was sure she hadn’t heard that right. “You… you want me to punch you in the face?”

“Need, not want; big difference between the two.” Loki lets the illusion of the spear in his hand fade away. He grabs Sylvie by the shoulders, maneuvering them around until he was the one standing by the corner, his back to the edge as he places Sylvie directly in front of him. “You need to get me right in the nose -- make me bleed.”

“You still haven’t explained to me what for?”

“To make it believable, of course!” Loki states like that helped explain his plan any further. “You’re going to hit me as hard as you can, and I’m going to be sent flying backward. The guards are going to rush to help me, and that’s when you step in and enchant one of them.”

“And what about the other one? I can’t enchant both at the same time.”

“I’ll enchant him from the ground,” Loki answered with a grin full of confidence. “Then we can just… put them to sleep and store them somewhere for the time being, steal their armor, and waltz right into that throne room.”

“I don’t know…” Sylvie didn’t hold quite the same confidence in Loki’s plan that he did, given that his last few plans have been less than stellar in both execution and their outcomes… 

“You have any better ideas?” Loki asked, and he had her there. “Look, I have complete faith that the both of us could… go rush them and subdue them ourselves. But could we do it quietly enough that no one hears us on the other side of the door? This way, we bring the guards to us, and take care of them before anyone knows what’s going on. It’s perfect!”

“I think ‘feasible’ would be a better word than ‘perfect…’”

“Is it because you don’t want to hit me?” It takes everything Sylvie has not to physically laugh in his face. “I know we’ve grown a fair bit closer since then, but you seemed to have no trouble doing it in the past. You slammed my face into that… stool thing, remember? Just… think about how annoying you found me then, or… or think about when I accidentally destroyed the TemPad, or -- Oh! How angry you were when I tried to stop you from killing He Who Remains, that was -- Oh wait! A little bit earlier, when I said about falling in love with this other version of you! What would you do if you saw me after catching me flirting with—”

CRACK

Sylvie’s knuckles land squarely in the center of Loki’s nose, the force of the impact sending Loki crashing into the wall opposite. She winced, both from not meaning to hit him that hard, and because the punch was forceful enough that it had ripped open the skin above her knuckles. Loki’s nose was — as expected — bleeding quite profusely from the hit, made all the worse by the edge of the TemPad on her hand catching him right across the bridge of the nose. 

Loki groaned from where he had crumpled down to the ground, and Sylvie had to remind herself to stick to where she was and keep to the plan than go over and help him. She wasn’t too sure whether he was struggling so much to push himself up because it was all part of the act, or… if she had perhaps gone a bit overboard with her punch. 

Either way, what mattered was that the plan, miraculously, was working. The guards had sprung into action the second they heard the crash of metal from Loki’s fake armor smashing into the wall, their weapons held tightly in their hands as they marched over to him. 

Sylvie waited until their echoing footsteps were upon her before darting out from her hiding spot, grasping onto the closest guard's arm whilst yanking the spear out from his other hand. The man underneath the armor didn’t even get a chance to voice his protests before her magic was flowing into his mind, his face going slack as his eyes pulse with a burst of green light. 

Thankfully, Loki was not concussed from the hit, and still had the mental capacity to carry out his part of the plan. His hand had shot out towards the other guard who had come to his aid, wrapping it around his ankle and hoping more than anything that his first time using enchantment on his own on someone that wasn’t Sylvie would work. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly, focusing every little drop of concentration he has towards the task at hand. 

Loki’s eyes pop open in surprise when he feels the man’s foot shift under his hold, greeted by the sight of the guard going slack and collapsing to the ground next to him, landing in a less than graceful heap. Seconds later, the guard is joined by his friend as Sylvie releases her hold on the other guard's arm — although Sylvie does at least do the man a kindness and slowly releases her hold so he drops down gently. 

“Ow…” Loki groans from the ground, letting his hand flop down the ground as he rolls over onto his back. He raises his hand to his nose, wiping away the excess blood that had congealed around his face, wincing as he brushes across the tenderized skin. 

“Gods -- are you okay?” Sylvie hurriedly steps over the unconscious guards, rushing to get to Loki’s side. “I probably shouldn’t have hit you that hard…”

“I said to make me bleed and to hit me as hard as you can…” Loki says, his voice nasally due to the blood blocking his sinuses. “You certainly did as I asked.”

Sylvie grabs hold of one of his arms, helping him get back to his feet. Loki groans as he gets upright, pinching up and down his nose to check for any breakages. 

“In my defense, you were doing everything you could to rile me up,” Sylvie says, gently knocking his hands away to check his injury for herself. Loki lets her examine him, surprised by the gentleness of her hands as they brush across his skin, feather-light and delicate as they pass by the area of his nose where the skin had been broken. “And for the record? That wasn’t me hitting you as hard as I could.”

It probably shouldn’t make her feel proud of herself that Loki looked genuinely afraid of her. And… a little bit awed by her. “It wasn’t?”

“Not even close.”

Loki’s nose had long since stopped bleeding by the time they had stealthily moved the guards to an unused room nearby. Whilst he didn’t need to steal the guard's armor given his abilities to cast Illusions, it was much easier to do so than use up most of his focus on keeping the Illusion up and —more importantly — believable. 

Sylvie finished up the last of her temporary golden armor, securing the helmet over her head and making sure it fits snugly. It was a little loose given that the man she had taken it from was slightly taller than her, but not so much that anyone would question it. She looked over to Loki as he scooped up the guard's weapons and shields, nodding in appreciation as he passes one of each to her.

“Wait—” Sylvie stops him just as they reach the doors to the throne room. Loki looks to her with a questioning frown, to which she gestures to her own face with a twirl of her hand. “You’ve still got blood all over your face.”

“Oh.” It only takes a small wave of magic washing over him for the blood to be wiped clean like chalk off a chalkboard. Sylvie nods her approval when he looks back to her, turning back with a shaky breath to the door that, just beyond it, held the answers to what was supposed to become of her family.

What was supposed to become of her. 

Loki didn’t say a word next to her, which she was infinitely grateful for. He was doing all that she wanted from him, which was… just to be there, standing by her side. He knew how important this was for her. He knew that now, more than ever, she just needed to know he was there for her if she needed him. 

And it was rather terrifying just how much she did need him. 

“Okay…” Sylvie breathes out, steeling herself for whatever is about to come their way. She just about catches sight of a flicker of a proud smile from Loki out of the corner of her eye as she nods to herself, raising a hand up and placing her palm against the intricately engraved golden doors. Loki’s hand joins her seconds later, her eyes trained on the door under her hand whilst his were focused solely on her, waiting for her to make the first move. Sylvie pushes hard against the solid metal, Loki following suit and joining her as they push against the heavy weight of the doors. 

Slowly… the doors open.

Next Chapter - - - >

[boomjohnny]

i like that dummy. Like crazy. You can’t even imagine, dude. [sequel]

*this is pt 1, pls read that before this one if u haven’t!

**sorry this took 5 years also y’all are seniors in this dont worry they arent like freshman or sophomores and like thirsty like that lol

pairing - jock!jaehyun x fem!reader

word count - 2.3k

genre - soft sheep fluff, if u squint i guess it’s might be suggestive at one part(?)

[ 10:32 A.M ]  To say that the first minute of the walk outside with Jaehyun was not awkward as hell would be a horrible, horrible lie. Your eyes seemed to dart everywhere but the jock next to you, who stayed surprisingly silent. You wonder if this was a joke; some sick bet that the basketball team set him up to. 

They were infamous for their ruthless pranks, with their victims ranging from babies fresh from middle school to the most ancient of teachers. You shudder at a junior year memory of seeing Mr. Dong’s boxers for the first time.

Yeah, they pantsed him not once, not twice, but three times before the poor guy ran out screaming.

You remember Jaehyun laughing and doing stupid handshakes with his friends when they found out he resigned the next day. Your feet pull to a halt.

Is he going to laugh at you like that too?

A pair of weathered checker Vans appear in front of your hi-tops. “What’s wrong? Are you actually sick?” 

The concern in his voice was even more concerning for you. This wasn’t what you expected. You inhale sharply, before looking him in the eye.

“I should be asking you that! Did you take some mind altering drug this morning? How can you-” You grab the crumpled confession from your pocket and fling it at his chest. It falls limply between the two of you.  “-throw this thing at me?”

“I mean, I’ve been throwing things at you all year,” He says coolly, picking the ball up. “You just happened to finally open one. Pity you didn’t catch my paper planes. Those had little hearts on it. Or my paper cranes, those had-”

“It isn’t funny, you know.”

Jaehyun puts his hands in his pockets. “What isn’t?”

“Playing with other people’s feelings,” You bite the inside of your cheek. “I know you and your little basketball team think it’s the fucking BALLS to make other people feel like shit and I don’t know what stupid bet this was, but-”

“So you’re sad about it?”

“…what?”

“You’re sad at the possibility that I might not like you?” He takes a step closer. “That this all might just be a bet?”

“I-”

With one firm tug on your wrist, he pulls you closer. His breath feels warm on your forehead. Your heart pounds so hard in your chest you wouldn’t be surprised if it just pops out onto the floor.

“Well, you’re wrong.” His arm snakes around your waist so suddenly and so firmly that you wonder if you’ll go into cardiac arrest. “This isn’t a bet.”

You’re so close to him now you can see the little snow-like freckles on his nose from summer. The warmth around your waist feels electrifying.

“Jaehyun, what-”

“I said it in the letter, said it in class and I’ll say it again. I like you, Y/N. And I like you a lot. And I also get the feeling that-” He gives you a shit eating grin. “-you feel the same way.”

“…maybe.” You mumble, eyes fixated on a piece of lint on the ground.

“Maybe?” He grabs your chin so you’re facing him. “You gonna break my heart, Y/N?”

You see yourself in his eyes, and for a moment, you wonder if he can see himself in yours.

“Jaehyun…” Your start, but inaudible words come out of your lips again. Jaehyun puts a teasing hand up to his ear and lean over.

“I can’t hear you, Y/N. Speak loud-”

“-okay you know what, fuck it-” You inhale sharply. “-you’re too CLOSE, Jaehyun. I CAN’T THINK PROPERLY BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO CLOSE TO ME AND MY HEART IS BEATING TOO FAST.” 

Your face feels hot and you’re certain you look like a tomato again. You look away, the cringe from the words that came out of your mouth sinking in.

WHY DID I SAY THAT? ARE WE IN WATTPAD? WHAT WAS THAT, Y/N? You internally scream at yourself, wondering why he wasn’t saying anything.

There’s a pause where the warmth around your waist disappears. An unconscious pout appears on your lips from the absence of his touch, an action that he most definitely notices. 

“That was a good enough answer for me, ma'am.”

And suddenly, your back is against the lockers with Jung Jaehyun’s lips on yours.

He tastes like the pink lemonade from the cafeteria, a little too sweet, a little too artificial, but you don’t feel yourself pulling away anytime soon. His arm finds its way around your waist again and his fingers draw soft circles down the small of your back. Your hands go down from his hair to his neck when he brings your body even closer. It’s only when you nibble on his lower lip that he pulls away, his cheeks dusted a very warm pink. For a moment, it seems like he’s going to kiss you again, but instead he takes a step back and turns around.

As he fixes his hair, the tips of his ears peek out of his locks. They’re scarlet red like syrup on shaved ice. 

How cute.

You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jaehyun blush before - or embarrassed, for that matter. To be frank, you wondered if that was even possible, since his smug face seemed to be the only thing he ever wore when he strode down the school hallways during lunch or when he sat at your dining table during neighbourhood parties.

“Where did you…” He says slowly, lips slightly red and swollen. “Where did you learn that?”

“Learn what?” You say innocently, slightly proud of yourself for making The Jung Jaehyun flustered for once. 

“You’re a good kisser Y/N,” He shakes his head, taking a step towards you again. “So who have you been kissing?”

A surge of confidence flows through you from the compliment. 

“Sorry Jaehyun but-” You smirk up at him. “-I don’t kiss and tell.”

He raises an eyebrow, inching in again and placing hand next to your head, trapping you. You look at his lips and back at him again, with a gaze that almost dared him to come to you again, almost challenged him to capture your lips in his again and not pull away so fast this time. 

“Y/N,” He growled under his breath. His eyes suddenly looked very hungry. “If we weren’t in school I swear-”

As if it knew that words that were not fit for a school were at the tip of Jaehyun’s tongue, the bell rang. Students poured out of classrooms, some groaning about their classes, some excitedly talking about the weekend, some looking like plain zombies who lost their taste for human brains. 

You saw Doyoung come out of a hallway with Mark and Yuta who, although you thought you were quick enough to push Jaehyun away without anyone seeing, were quite sharp. 

“Well…I guess I’ll go to Chem now.” You clear your throat, slinging your bag (fell off your back when you were making out) over your shoulder.

 As you start to walk away to catch up with Doyoung (who walked past the two of you secretly with a devilish smile), Jaehyun catches your wrist again, in an almost panicked way that a child might do when their parents leave them at a kindergarten for the first time. 

“Wait! Uh…will I see you again today?”

You look at his wrist, smiling. “If you want to.”

His grip relaxes, and he puts his hands in his pockets again. “Today, 6:30 at the quad?”

“So late?”

“Why? Think you’ll miss me too much?”

You roll your eyes, turning away again.

“Just joking, just joking,” He pulls you back. “I have practice. Oh! You could come watch if you want. Straight after school, at the courts. You know, I’m known to be pretty sexy when I play basketball. Sweaty, glistening, sometimes my shirt comes up-”

You put a hand in front of his face, covering his dumb wiggling eyebrows.

“Sure, sure I’ll come,” You wave a hand as you begin walking away. He doesn’t stop you again but instead his dimples go back on full display. “I’ll probably be watching Taeyong though, he’s really handsome-”

The second bell rings, the only people left in the hallway are the two of you, an amused Doyoung and Yuta and Mark who are eavesdropping at the back.

“Y/N!”

You run before he can catch you again, and stop hastily when you reach Doyoung at the end of the hallway. The look he’s giving you makes you want to punch him. 

“Did. I. Not. Tell. You. That. Boy. Likes. You.” He says, each time he claps after a word making you groan more. ‘What. Did. I. Say. You. Clown.”

“Yes, yes, you were right.” You sigh as the two of you enter the class and settle down in your lab seats. 

“So, what happened exactly?” 

“Well,” Your hand stops shuffling your backpack for your textbook. The image of Jaehyun pinning you to the lockers flashes in your mind, his hand on your waist… “Nothing much.” You say, rather unconvincingly.

“Boo, don’t lie,” Doyoung says, flicking on his horn-rimmed glasses when the teacher begins to give a rather boring presentation on acids. “It was a trick question, I saw y’all nasty asses kissing.”

“How did you-”

“When I told you that you were lewd, I didn’t mean to act on it! And to think! In this holy educational institute, where a fourteen year old freshman baby could’ve seen, y’all nasties were-”

“DOYOUNG!” 

Suddenly, the class is quiet, and the teacher, a very weathered man who was apparently a retired scientist called Mr. Yang casted you a very offended glance. You can see Doyoung trying his best not to laugh and you pinch him on the leg.

“Is there a problem, Y/N? Or rather-” His eyes narrow on Doyoung, who was now biting his cheek to prevent a smile. “-a problem with Doyoung? Do you want me to move you?”

“No, no. Ah Doyoung was just-” You peek quickly at the presentation behind him. “-telling me a fun fact about hydronium! It was so shocking, I couldn’t hold back… Yes, I could not. Sorry about that, sir.”

Though unconvinced, he let out a grunt and continued on, the class going back to normal. You let out a deep breath and tried to focus on the moving dots on the screen that were supposed to be particles. 

“You know, I was lying earlier. I only saw the two of you talking. But wow. Did you actually kiss him? Was he good? Did he do tongue?”

You bite your lip to stop another shout from erupting from your lips. Something told you this time Mr. Yang would kick you out for the rest of the year if you interrupted him again.

You resorted stepping on Doyoung’s foot very, very hard.

- and back to somewhere not so far away, in the past -

“Y/N!” Jaehyun shouts, a smile on his lips at the girl’s retreating figure. He shook his head, still in a slight daze from what just happened. However, he had no time to recover as two slaps on his back and a very loud “DUDE” sounded in his ear.

“MARK! You scared me, oh my god,” Jaehyun says, rubbing his ear as Yuta slings his arm around his shoulder.

“So,” Yuta says, exchanging mischievous grins with Mark. “how was the nurse’s office?”

“Huh?” Jaehyun says in confusion, before retracting almost immediately. “OH! Yeah, you know…Y/N put some ice to her forehead…”

A snort came from Yuta and Mark started giddy laughing like he inhaled some helium gas. 

“STOP LYING, DUDE. We saw you, alright? Acting all mushy by the lockers and looking into each other’s eyes like you were Romeo and Juliet or something.” 

“What the-weren’t you in class?”

Yuta rolled his eyes. “Do you really think we would actually do self-study? You have severely underestimated us, Jeffrey.”

The three of them began walking towards the courts for P.E. It was Jaehyun’s favourite subject but the only thing that he thought about the entire time was you. Your awkward but adorable confession, your flushed cheeks when he confessed to you, the feeling of your lips against his… 

For the first time in his four years of high school, his P.E classmates found him utterly useless during a game of sports.

“Is something wrong with Jeffrey today?” Someone said from the showers after the lesson as Jaehyun was changing his shirt. 

“I’m fine!” He shouted back, even though he wasn’t really. Very soon he would be going back to the courts but there would be one small difference. You would be there, watching him, and something about that got his heart pounding very hard, indeed. 

“Yeah, right.” Someone else chimed in, also from the showers. “Jaehyun’s got himself a girlfriend.” 

“Yeah they were smooching-” 

“Yuta, Mark, if you don’t want to run ten laps, you’ll shut up now,” Jaehyun says, quickly swiping on some cologne on his wrist. Taeyong, the basketball team’s forward raised an eyebrow at this. 

“Cologne? Jaehyun do you actually-”

Jaehyun was too engrossed in shoving his stuff into his Superdry as quick as possible to notice Taeyong had been talking to him. It was only when the bag was over his shoulder that Jaehyun turned to him, with a look that Taeyong could only describe as determination.

“Taeyong, bro, if a crazy girl wearing a denim skirt and red hi-tops stares at you later during practice, tell her to back off, and that she needs to stop looking at you, okay?”

Jaehyun pats the older boy’s shoulder and begins to walk away, a spring already forming in his step at the thought of seeing you.

Taeyong blinks. “What? Who’s that?”

“Some dummy who made me miss class. But you know what?”  

He turns back again, a twinkle in his eyes.

“I like that dummy. Like crazy. You can’t even imagine, dude.”

fin.

[be11atrixthestrange]

So....you're gonna do a follow up where he does tell her right? Pretty please? 😁💜

You already know how much I love your writing, but I'm making a public knowledge now!

Well, duh! Here you go :). Also be warned, this one has adult themes... it wouldn’t have felt true to character otherwise :))

------------------------------------

Take My Advice: Part 2

(Read Part 1 Here)

Ron was deep into an afternoon nap when Pigwidgeon tapped his beak on his bedroom window, jolting him awake. Tied to his ankle was a letter, which sent Ron's heart racing. He had just owled Professor McGonagall to ask her for a special favor. Hermione's birthday was next week, and he wanted to surprise her with a visit. Former students weren't typically allowed on the Hogwarts grounds, but Ron figured she might be willing to make an exception on the Head Girl's birthday.

Ron groggily made his way over to the window, letting Pigwidgeon in, who promptly landed on the windowsill and held up his leg. Ron untied the letter and Pigwidgeon collapsed into a sleepy pile on his desk.

He tore open the letter to reveal McGonagall's elegant handwriting.

Mr. Weasley,

I understand that you would like to visit Miss Granger on the evening of September 19th. I hope you understand that I don't typically allow former students to visit the grounds, for any reason.

Ron's heart sank. But he kept reading.

However, given that you have proven yourself responsible and Miss Granger is in desperate need of an evening off, I will grant your permission this one time. My floo will open at three o'clock in the afternoon on September 19th. Please arrive promptly. Assuming you don't wish to return until the 20th, plan accordingly for an overnight.

Regards,

Professor McGonagall

Ron stared wide-eyed at the letter, as a grin started to form on his face. This was more than he had asked for.

-------------------------

September 19th

Hermione collapsed onto her bed in the Head Girls' quarters after a long day of studying for her NEWTS. It was only three o'clock in the afternoon, and she was already exhausted. She didn't have the same distractions that she was used to at Hogwarts, so she spent all of her time revising. She had assumed that her time at Hogwarts without Ron and Harry would be more productive, but she was finding the opposite to be true. She couldn't focus when she missed them so much, and she wished for their distraction more than anything.

She buried her face into her pillow as hot tears began to sting her eyes. Everyday, she willed herself not to think of Ron, but everytime she came back to her room alone, she couldn't help but miss him even more. It seemed that her loneliness became stronger each day, and it had only been three weeks since she last saw him. She wondered if it felt the same for him.

They left each other at the train station on September 1st after a thoroughly non-verbal goodbye. She blushed when she remembered him kissing her passionately on platform 9 ¾ without a care in the world to those around them. She smiled at the memory of Harry protesting their public display of affection, lovingly of course. "Oi, there's a train about to leave here!" As much as she enjoyed the time they spent not talking, there was just one thing she regretted not telling him.

Ron deserved to know how she felt, but how could she tell him now? It's not something that you could say in a letter for the first time. If only there was a way to see him.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door. Confused, Hermione wiped her eyes and stood up from her place on the bed. She knew the castle's security was foolproof, but just in case grabbed her wand before opening the door.

Her jaw dropped when Ron's face appeared on the other side, grinning his lopsided smile.

"Hi," he said excitedly.

Hermione was at a loss for words. She opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out.

"Happy Birthday!" he continued, opening his arms for a hug.

Hermione narrowed her eyes in suspicion, and held her wand up to his chin. Paranoia from the war was still persisting, and it was better to be safe than sorry. "What did you say to make me kiss you for the first time?"

Ron smiled. "Some rubbish about saving house elves."

It was an annoying answer, but that simply meant it truly was him. Hermione beamed and collapsed into his arms. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too," he said as he kissed her forehead.

"What are you doing here? How did you even get here?"

Ron pulled away from the hug and followed her lead further into her bedroom. He went immediately toward the bed and collapsed onto it. "I'm here for your birthday! McGonagall said I could come. Arrived in her fireplace just a few minutes ago."

She fell onto the place next to him on the bed, and he responded by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. She felt her eyes sting with tears again, but this time they were happy ones. "So she knows you're here?"

Ron nodded, before pulling her face toward his for a kiss. She responded enthusiastically, reaching her hands into his hair and gently parting her lips for him. They stayed there, kissing tenderly and enjoying the familiarity of each other for a few moments before Hermione pulled away.

"How long do you have?"

"All night," he said with a grin.

"All night," she repeated with wide eyes. "McGonagall said you could stay here?"

Ron nodded. "Well, she didn't explicitly say it, but she didn't insist otherwise…," he said before pulling her back in for another kiss. This time, he slipped his hands underneath her skirt and gripped her thighs, guiding one of her legs across his hips so she straddled him. She reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He responded enthusiastically, and began to work the rest of her clothing off while she undid his trousers. She had so much she wanted to say to him, but it could wait for now.

-------------------------

Later that evening…

Ron and Hermione were lying in her bed in the Head Girl's quarters. She was curled up against him, starkers, just how he liked it. He smiled down at her as he tangled his fingers into her hair. "I missed this."

She raised her eyebrows. "My crazy hair?"

"Well, more specifically, lying naked in bed with you. But now that you mention it, yeah," he replied, twirling her curls around his fingers. "I missed your hair."

"I hate my hair," she said with a frown. "Too wild."

He smiled. "That's why I love it."

"You love my hair?"

Ron nodded. "Mmmhmm. I do," he mumbled.

She rolled her eyes before resting her head back on his chest. He continued to play with her hair, enjoying the challenge of trying to tame each strand, knowing he never would. He couldn't help but draw a connection between her hair and her wild and somewhat unpredictable personality, which he also loved.

"I love it because it's wild. It can't be contained."

Hermione turned her face up to his and smiled.

"It has so much personality. It does what it wants," he continued.

She laughed softly and buried her face back into his chest.

Ron was blushing now. "You keep trying to fight it, but there's no point. In the end it's going to win."

He felt her arms tighten around him, and his face heated up more. It was time to do what he came here to do.

"The more you try to keep it in line, the bigger it gets. It's got a rebellious side. You might as well just accept it and learn to love it like I do."

Hermione looked up at him curiously. "Are you still talking about my hair?"

Ron grinned at her. "Well, all of that applies to your hair, don't get me wrong. And I do love your hair…," he felt his stomach tighten in nerves. What if she didn't say it back? "But I'm mostly talking about you."

Hermione's eyes began to water with tears, and Ron reached toward her face to wipe one way. "You-," she started, but was interrupted.

"I love you, Hermione. 'Bout time you knew that."

She beamed, and another tear fell down her face. "I love you too," she said before pulling Ron's lips back down to hers.

He smiled through the kiss, blushing harder than ever. His brothers were right, she loved him too. How lucky he was, he thought, before shifting position so he was on top of her. She wrapped her legs around his hips to pull him close to her, and he felt himself grow harder as she pressed against him. Based on the enthusiasm of her response, she didn't mind at all.

Ron was overwhelmed with gratitude. The girl of his dreams loved him back, and he had the whole night to celebrate that fact. "Happy Birthday, Love," he whispered in her ear.

"Best birthday present, ever," she replied, before pulling him back to her for a thoroughly non-verbal celebration.

[hoodwinkd1]

the stars that shine Ch 2

Ch 1 here.

Chapter 2: woke up to find that summer gone

Evangeline sat at the dark cherry desk in her bedroom, staring down at the piece of parchment which seemed to be staring right back at her. She had picked up a pen almost half an hour ago and had successfully written one line.

Dear Lys,

“Damn this!” Tossing the pen to the side, she stood and began pacing around the bed. Normally, her letters back to Caraverre were pages and pages of stories, filled with every minute detail and every silly joke that Lysandra and Aedion might enjoy. Tonight, she could barely get her thoughts in order enough to discuss what she’d eaten for dinner two hours ago.

Evangeline knew exactly who to blame for this conundrum. Hollin Havilliard.

Her first two weeks in Rifthold were amazing. Ever the social butterfly and lacking peer friendships back in Terrasen, Evangeline absolutely loved getting to know the other students in her lessons.

“You should come shopping with us next week,” Regina suggested, her smile genuine. As the third eldest daughter of the Callot family, the largest noble support of Adarlan’s fashion industry, Regina would certainly have good taste. “Anya and I are looking for springtime outfits.”

The other girl had jumped in then. “How long will you be staying? My parents always plan a trip to the country house right after the Spring Solstice and I can bring a few friends.”

So yes, Evangeline had no problem making friends. She was downright delightful and ready to try anything, go on any adventure.

Her lessons were equally wonderful. Part of the reason she came to Rifthold was to expand her education, filling in gaps that Darrow had no expertise in, and she enjoyed the challenge immensely.

Point being, she should have plenty to write home about. The shopping trip, the mathematics concept she finally mastered, even the amazing duck stew she tried two nights ago.

Unfortunately, the fond memory of her duck stew faded when she remembered what had immediately followed.

Dear Lys,

I had the most awkward night of my life. I’m relatively confident I’ve made my first enemy and I may never go back to the ballet after this traumatizing experience.

No, she couldn’t possibly send that. Aedion would charge into the palace and demand revenge at the mere thought of anyone disliking Evangeline, if he didn’t laugh himself to death trying to imagine the concept first.

Her popularity aside, she was still in disbelief. Hollin had approached her first, offering to escort her to the royal box at the Rifthold Theater for a travelling dance troupe that evening. Evangeline accepted (delightfully and more than ready for an adventure). She even dug through her closet for the stunning cerulean gown Aelin had gifted for her fourteenth birthday.

And then the prince proceeded to ignore her. All night.

“Who goes two entire hours without speaking one word?” Evangeline grumbled, moving towards her closet to grab a nightgown. The letter could wait until tomorrow. “Why bother inviting me in the first place?”

Whatever. She would be just fine with her new friends, who’s families also owned boxes at the theater.

----

“It’s been two days.” Dorian dropped into the chair next to Hollin. “Two whole days, and I haven’t heard a word from either of you. Quite rude, if you ask me, considering it was my idea to take her to the ballet.”

Hollin kept his eyes on the book in front of him. “Some people think it’s rude to speak in a library. And yet, here we are.”

The king sighed, as if his little brother’s social life was as draining as running a nation. “At least tell me if you enjoyed yourself. Or if you think Eva enjoyed herself.”

“The dancers were talented.” Hollin turned a page. “I can’t speak for someone else’s opinion.”

Dorian huffed. “I meant, did you enjoy spending time with her?”

Hollin shut the book with a bit more force than needed. “Do you have nothing better to do than force me to go on dates with your friends’ wards? I’m working on something here.”

“It wasn’t meant to be a date!” Dorian protested. “Just...Evangeline is so delightful. And friendly. I thought she could, you know, be a friend?” His words trailed off at the end.

He heard the unspoken words. Hollin was not delightful and not friendly. Dorian probably hoped this picture-perfect girl could change him, mold him into a better prince.

“She has friends. And I have work to do.” He looked pointedly at the book strewn across his lap.

Dorian, finally, took the hint. “Fine. Enjoy your suspicious research.” He stood up, fixing his tunic. “I expect to see you at the merchant’s council dinner tomorrow night.”

Hollin waved him off. “See you then.” He’d been searching for some excuse to get out of that event, some way to avoid all the grouchy, greedy men that tried to grab the king’s attention.

Maybe if he fell off a horse, he could avoid politics for a few days.

----

The two months passed quite quickly. Evangeline was expected home in time for Aedion’s birthday celebration, so she took the last day in Rifthold to search for a gift. He might grumble about her spending money on him, letting his annoyance over aging take over his usual good mood, but Eva knew he would secretly cherish something special.

Anya had offered to join her, commandeering her family’s carriage for the trip. The two of them, along with Regina, had become inseparable during Evangeline’s stay.

She had never had friendships that were entirely her own before, outside of her family’s vast and unyielding legacy. Spending the day shopping tasted like freedom and youth.

“Where are we heading first?” Anya asked, shifting her long skirt to make room for Evangeline to sit on the bench next to her. “What does one even buy for the most infamous General in the world?”

So maybe she never could fully escape that legacy. Evangeline chose to ignore the honorific. “Aedion? He can be quite the sentimental type. I was imagining some sort of calendar he could use; one that I’d add drawings and photos and secret notes to. Something useful, but still personalized.”

“Oh, thank the Gods. I was terrified you would drag me to some boring weapons shop.” Anya fanned herself in mock horror. “Minsky’s has the best stationery.”

Once they arrived, Evangeline lost herself in the rows of parchment. She adored the smell of the shop, somewhere between a library and perfumery, thanks to the variety of candles that lined the walls.

She wandered for a while, enjoying the feel of books, journals, scrolls, and other trinkets underneath her fingertips. Anya struck up a conversation with Minsky, the elderly owner who apparently had very strong opinions about what time of day one should light lavender candles.

Evangeline stopped in front of the rack she’d been looking for, eyeing the different color choices. Each calendar looked sturdy and durable, perfect for Aedion’s regular travels, but only a few had carrier cases. She selected the emerald one, to match Lysandra’s eyes.

“Oh that’s lovely!” Anya beamed as Evangeline joined them at the counter. “Very practical.”

Minksy nodded solemnly as they checked the price. “Smart child, finding a way to stay organized.”

“It’s actually a gift,” Evangeline corrected. “Would you have any wrapping supplies?”

They pulled out a few choices of paper, and the girls left the shop with the package securely tucked under Evangeline’s arm.

Anya opened the door of the carriage to let her enter first. “Do we have any other errands - Gods!” Her question was cut off with a curse. “Galen, you scared the life out of me.”

Evangeline found herself face first with Anya’s older brother. He shot her an apologetic look.

“I spotted the carriage and didn’t fancy a walk back to the house,” he explained, musing at his dark locks with one hand. “Any change you two lovely ladies want to go out for lunch?”

“You are unbelievably annoying,” Anya sighed. She moved to sit next to him, glancing at Evangeline. “What do you think? One last meal before you go?”

Galen turned to face her as well. “Leaving so soon?”

Evangeline hadn’t had many interactions with the older boy. Galen had danced with her at one of their parents’ parties, and had teased her a couple times when she joined them for dinner. But all of a sudden, Evangeline found herself wishing for some more time in Rifthold for an entirely new reason.

“I have to return to Caraverre tomorrow,” she informed him. “It’s my....it’s Aedion’s birthday.” Explaining their relationship was difficult enough, and easily avoided since everyone knew exactly who he was.

“Pity,” Galen replied. “But that just means I have to treat you to the best sandwiches Rifthold has to offer before you go.”

Anya groaned. “He always drags us to this tiny little place, when there are plenty of nice restaurants around.”

“A tiny little place sounds perfect,” Evangeline reassured. The carriage jolted forward, carrying them away from the main streets.

An hour later, she wasn’t lying in the slightest when she praised her meal. The sandwiches were really quite good. And the twinkle in Galen’s eyes when she stole one of his chips was even better.

“Oh goodness,” Anya interrupted as they stepped outside into the twilight hour. “I left my pouch at the table. Be right back.” She strode back into the restaurant, leaving Galen and Evangeline alone by the doorway.

Galen leaned against the stone. “Do you have plans to return to Adarlan?”

“Not in the next half-year,” Evangeline admitted. Her thumb rubbed the edge of her pointer finger, a nervous tick despite her calm tone. Was there meaning behind his question? “I’m due to spend two months with one of my mentors in Arran after some time at home.”

“Pity.” He offered her a light smile. She prayed to the former Gods to keep her face from turning pink. “Next time you come around, I’ll have to move faster. Ask you on a date at the beginning of your stay, instead of the end.”

Evangeline couldn’t hold back a wide grin. “Yes, I suppose you will.”

---

Hollin threw himself onto his bed, head spinning a bit from the wine he snuck during dinner. Evangeline was leaving tomorrow, a fact that wouldn’t affect his life much since Dorian had stopped forcing a friendship between them.

Maybe the wine was a mistake. The prince didn’t like alcohol much, knew he was far too young to start drinking, but insomnia had plagued him for weeks now. Hollin tried so many home remedies, from herbal teas to meditation, before attempting to drink himself to sleep that night.

It wasn’t working.

He still couldn’t force his mind to relax. Ideas for new experiments and inventions swirled around, mixed with memories of his most recent failures that stabbed him with self-doubt. Then came the childhood memories, the horror of being raised by the devil without noticing and the shame of past cruelties keeping him far from relaxation.

Hollin groaned into his pillow. He wanted someone to talk to. It was such a simple solution, one that most people would find easy. Dorian had even hired a specialist, a healer who worked with minds as well as bodies, for palace staff who needed help after a traumatizing war. Hollin had paced by their office more times than he could count, never entering.

Somehow, he fell asleep before sunrise. A sharp knock at the door yanked him out of restless dreams.

“Hollin?” He recognized Herina’s voice, one of his personal servants who was years past using formalities. Changing a baby's diaper gave one that privilege. “I have your schedule for the day.”

Hollin stood up, blindly feeling for the robe hanging next to his dresser. “Come in, thank you.”

She pushed the door open, pulling a cart of food behind her. “I didn’t see you eat nearly enough at dinner last night, certainly not enough to be stealing drinks of wine like you did.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but shut it quickly. “I - thank you,” he said again, too tired to form a better sentence.

Herina left the cart by the entrance and walked further into the chamber. “You have a couple lessons scheduled, one before lunch and one in the evening. Light day.”

“Not too terrible.” Hollin took the parchment from her. “Herina..” He trailed off.

“Yes?”

“Could you - do you know how to add things to my schedule?” he asked.

She nodded. “Of course. What grabbed your interest?”

He pushed past his discomfort at the idea. If he didn’t sleep well after, that would be the end of it. “Training. Physical, that is. I’d like to learn how to fight.”

Herina eyed him warily, no doubt taking in the lanky and awkward features that haunted most fourteen year old boys. “You know the king would never expect you to fight. He knows that isn’t where your interests lie.”

“I know.” Gods, he was blushing now. “It’s for myself, just a new hobby.”

Thankfully she moved on. “Well, alright then. Don’t be late today.”

With a final meaningful look at the breakfast, she left. Hollin thought about ignoring the food and falling immediately back to sleep, but his stomach chose that moment to growl loudly. He would need the calories if he planned to actually follow through with his new training idea.

If getting knocked on his ass for two hours a day didn’t help him fall asleep, then nothing would,