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bubbledumbbinch · 4 years ago

Note

Are your requests open again? Cuz I've been reading your oral headcanons and they are getting me HOT AND BOTHERED 🔥🔥

If you don't mind can I request some oral headcanons for Malleus, Deuce, Jack, Floyd and Crewel(if you write for the staff, you can make the reader his colleague in his case) with a fem reader? Thanks a lot⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Hello anon!!! Yes I will do my best to deliver >:) BTW this is like sooo long and I’m so sorry it took so long for me to get to this!

Pairings: Malleus x Fem! Reader, Deuce x Fem! Reader, Jack x Fem! Reader, Floyd x Fem! Reader, Crewel x Fem! Professor!Reader

This piece of writing is strictly for 18+ audiences. NSFW under the cut. Minors do not interact!!

Warnings: dubcon ish for Floyd? Slight voyeurism too for his receiving, sub/dom elements for Crewel

Malleus Draconia x Fem! Reader

Giving

Malleus is into making things like a ritual - including lovemaking of any kind.

He would probably take you to a forest where flowers are laid out gently onto the soft grassy floor, glowing fireflies illuminating the sky with the moon.

Gently, Malleus would lay you down and kiss you from head to toe, literally. Giving praises, telling you how beautiful you are, etc.

Malleus would strip you bare naked and lick his lips. You feel his glowing green eyes trailing across your skin giving you goosebumps.

When you feel his long tongue against your cunt for the first time, you arch your back in pleasure and a soft moan comes out, making the horned man shudder.

Malleus always cares about not hurting you, making sure you’re okay, he wants you to be vocal.

Lord please don’t grab his horns. Grab his horns. He turns into a BEAST and will probably overstimulate you.

“Nnh- M-Malleus..!” You keened under his touch. Malleus’s fingers grazed your skin lightly as you laid on your back, his head currently in between your thighs. He brought his head up and licked his mouth of your juices. “My child of man, please, tell me if I’m hurting you.” He spoke softly. “N-no, it feels so good… Please, keep going…” you hid your face in your arm, too embarrassed about the situation the fae male had you in. You lightly stroked his horns as soon as his head dipped back down.

Suddenly, Malleus released a growl and his fingers dug deeper into your skin, nails close to breaking your skin. “Mm, Y/N… you know what that does to me.” He lowly spoke. His eyes were now trained on your own as he sucked hard on your clit, tongue abusing the bead. You screamed as he continued his ministrations - you were gonna be here for a while.

Receiving

Malleus would be walking with you near Ramshackle dorm when you see a bench in the distance and lead Malleus to it. When he sits down he expected you to join him, only for him to see you drop down to your knees in between his legs.

You want to treat Malleus for being a lovely boyfriend!! Praises and eye contact is not necessary but makes him go crazy for you

When receiving oral, Malleus isn’t shy but something inside him lets butterflies go absolutely wild in his stomach. The fact that it’s his favorite human servicing him makes him all the more excited too!

Malleus’s thick cock would be hard to take in all at once, so you opt to use your hands to pump the base with your fingers.

Malleus has a lot of stamina, you’ll definitely be there for a while. Moaning onto his length and staring into his eyes with lust will make him come closer to climax though!

He would stroke your hair and tell you how beautiful you are and how good you’re making him feel~

Instead of moaning and being loud, he grunts and hums.

Would want to repay your kindness as well if you know what I mean 👀

The dragon fae hummed in approval as your tongue worked his cock. Malleus’s fingers made its way to your hair to massage your head, making you moan.

“My little child of man, I’m getting close… you’re so beautiful.” Throwing his head back, his thrusting into your mouth was becoming faster and sloppier. When he looked back down at you, he swore he could see hearts in your eyes as you stared back into his green orbs. That and the combination of your lewd slurping sounds and the pleasure you were bringing him brought him to release. You squealed as Malleus’s seed shooting down your throat. He watched in wonder as you swallowed, licking your lips. “Tasty, my prince…” you teased Malleus, kissing his thighs.

Deuce Spade x Fem! Reader

Giving

Deuce has little to no experience, let’s be real. He was a bad boy who wasn’t very popular turned into a wanna be good boy. However, he is very eager to please.

What Deuce lacks in skills he makes up for with determination. Maybe it’s the way he aggressively licks up and down your cunt that turns you on, maybe it’s the way he’s trying his best!

Before you can even say where he should focus, he licks on your clit. Deuce notices how much louder you moan when he does that, so he learns quickly that THAT’S the spot for you.

Deuce would definitely moan when he’s eating a good meal 😋 the vibrations from his moaning goes straight to your clit as he’s sucking and slurping on your wet pussy.

Deuce would also want to use his calloused fingers on you in some way - be it fingering you, tweaking your nipples, or even having you suck on them.

“Deuce, th-there, more, please..!” You moaned, hands flying down to his soft navy blue hair. “You really like it, huh?” Deuce’s soft voice was inquisitive but also you heard joy behind it. You wiggled your bottom closer to his face and whined with the loss of touch. “Then, I’ll keep going.” He dove down once again and licked and sucked with more aggression, knowing exactly how to please you. Sweat dripped down his face as you pulled tufts of his hair, grinding your pussy against his mouth.

Receiving

After tutoring Deuce for so long in preparation for an exam, your efforts would come to fruition as he emerges from the classroom with a good grade.

You wanted to reward your boyfriend for doing so well! Take him back to Heartslabyul and deep into the gardens where you knew barely anybody would be at that time. Roses were painted, animals were fed, etc.

Deuce would be confused but blushing profusely when you offer to reward him by sucking his dick, but he doesn’t say no.

When you lay him down and pull down his pants and underwear, his cock springs to life with a bead of precum already leaking from it.

You like to tease Deuce with your fingers first - rubbing the bead of precum all over the tip with your thumb.

Deuce’s moans are heavenly when you finally use your mouth and tongue on him, softly thrusts into your mouth

Once he’s close though he lets his bad side come through - he’s thoroughly facefucking you while talking dirty, calls you names, etc

Wants to cum on you instead of in you, likes to see the way it paints your body!

“Mmh, Deush.!” You slurped and tried to talk while his cock invaded your wet cavern. “Y/N, I’m gonna- I’m so close..” You sped your movements up, the lewd squelching of your mouth becoming louder. “It’s almost like you want us to be caught, filthy slut.” Deuce’s attitude changed while he barked out his words, making your pussy throb. “Yeah? You want me to cum all over your pretty face? I wanna see you covered in my cum.. fuck!!” Deuce pulled away from your lips with an audible pop, pumping his hot cum all over your lips and cheeks. The sight of your puffy lips and blushing with your messy face made his cock twitch again.

Jack Howl x Fem! Reader

Giving

Jack is a more romantic type, prefers to be in a bedroom when he makes love with you, and certainly wants to give you a good time. He wants it to be private because he doesn’t want anybody else to admire you the way he should!

Jack would have you fully naked laying down so he can fully admire your beautiful body.

Leaves a lot of lingering touches all over your body with his fingers and tongue, loves to taste you~

Jack is skilled with his tongue, aggressive too. He uses his fingers and tongue at the same time to please you

Secretly loves if you reach down to pet his ears and head while he goes down on you - sometimes you can see his tail wag 🥺

Leaves marks all over your thighs close to your sex because he wants to show you’re his, but also has enough restraint to put them in places only you both will see.

Jack lapped up at your pussy, lewd noises filled your silent room. You gasped as he flicked your clit with his fingers, adding more pleasure to your body. “J-Jaack.!” You whined at the loss of feeling when Jack pulled away. “Use your words, Y/N…” he whispered, staring into your eyes. You gulped when you saw his entire mouth and chin were glistening with your juices. “Please, Jack, make me cum, I-I’m so close..” you hid your face away in embarrassment. Jack’s cock twitched in his pants and blushed heavily, his tongue going back to work on your cunt. He’ll prove to be your perfect mate.

Receiving

You and Jack would be finishing up a morning jog, a rare occurrence since Vil couldn’t make it this time. After going pretty far out into the woods, you get tired and decide to pause and stretch.

Jack sees your sweat making your skin glow under the early sun accompanied by your panting from being worn out. He turns to look away, but he can’t hide the growing tent in his pants.

Once you take notice you mischievously start to tease him and take off his pants. He’s flustered because, what if someone comes by?! You tell him not to worry since it’s so early and you were pretty far out.

Back resting on a tree, Jack stands while you’re on your knees looking up at him with doe eyes. You lightly palm his heavy cock until it’s fully erect, making eye contact the whole time while putting it in your mouth.

Jack knows you can’t fit the whole thing in there, and he’s usually really considerate of what you want never forcing it to go further down your throat.

Jack likes it if you fondle his balls as well while you use another hand to pump his base.

Whines slightly when he’s close, also begins to wag his tail!! Good boy!!

Also loves to see you with cum on your tongue, whether you wanna swallow or not is up to you~

Grunting and feeling the rough bark on the tree, Jack is preoccupied with the way your mouth takes him so well. You stare up at him with droopy eyes, tongue swirling around the tip, playing with the slit on his cock. When you combo that with playing with his balls, Jack feels something snap inside him. He’s grunting and snarling lowly, thrusting faster into you, eliciting gags and moans. “I- I’m close, Y/N. I’m gonna cum…” Jack’s voice only made you work faster, pumping harder on the base. You opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out, his milky seed exploding onto your tongue not a second later. A series of grunts and followed, as well as kisses and “I love you”’s exchanged between the both of you.

Floyd Leech x Fem! Reader

Giving

POV you are working at the Mostro Lounge and you are suddenly pulled away by a tight grasp around your arm or waist. It’s Floyd, your boyfriend!

Floyd tells you how delicious you looked while working and how he could smell you from the other side of the lounge (bro how?)

You know what he means by “taste you” when he drags you to either the nearest closet, storage room, or maybe his dorm room. You’re flustered and telling him to let you get back to work! Azul would be pissed knowing you both left out of nowhere.

Floyd’s grip tightens on your pants as he pulls them down, and he sees your wetness pooling in your panties already. I imagine Floyd would have no patience and start licking up aggressively up your panties, making a bigger wet spot

Floyd would either rip your panties or just eat you out while pulling them to the side - he’s too impatient and he just NEEDS to taste you

His droopy heterochromatic eyes are TRAINED on yours, he loves seeing the way your body reacts to him!

Squeezes any part of your body he can, your tits, nipples, ass, thighs, etc

“Shrimpyyy~ you taste so good! I knew it was a good idea to ditch work to lick you up~” he giggles furiously, licking again on your swollen clit. “F-Floyd! You, you shouldn’t leave work so suddenly like th- Aaahn~!” You keened, back arching off of his bed. Floyd was now squeezing your nipples between his pointer finger and thumb. The stimulation was becoming too much. “Floyd, Floyd!! I’m gonna cum!!” You started moving your hips on your own while hearing Floyd’s laughter resonate on your cunt. “Mm, Shrimpy is becoming so enthusiastic! Cum on my tongue then! I’ll be sure to lick it aaaall up~”

Receiving

Sometimes, when Floyd is in a bad mood all of a sudden, he doesn’t know why. You don’t know why, either. But you do know a way to make him feel better!

When you whisper in his ear, offering to help him, he doesn’t really know what you mean at first. When you explicitly tell him you want to suck his dick, his face immediately brightens! He’ll grab your arm and almost skip on over to a private garden around the school.

When you’re both comfortable, you pull his pants down and his cock bounces back up, already twitching and leaking precum.

Floyd is loud but he does not give a damn. Let people hear how good you’re making him feel! If someone were to stumble by, Floyd would make direct eye contact with them and smirk

Floyd also wants to facefuck you - pulling your head down and thrusting into you when he gets close! He loves the way you slobber and gag all over his cock

He is down to cum anywhere when he’s receiving oral, because he loves cumming in your pussy the most. But when he’s not doing that then anywhere else would suffice!

“Mm!! Floyd, what if someone sees us?” You muttered, suddenly feeling very nervous. You stroked his dick which was covered in a mixture of your saliva and his precum. Floyd suddenly pulled your mouth back onto his cock and kept thrusting, making you squeal in surprise. “Don’t worry, Shrimpy!! I’ll protect you, and besides, I think they should see how well you’re taking MY cock!” As you closed your eyes and kept suckling on his length, Floyd’s eyes narrowed dangerously towards the rustling sounds coming through the bushes. “And, I’ll deal with them accordingly.” Floyd’s tone was suddenly very serious, reassuring you as you kept working on pleasing him.

Divus Crewel x Fem! Professor! Reader

Giving

Your relationship with Crewel was only a rumor amongst students, two teachers dating is pretty taboo even in the magical world! When asked if you two were an item, both of you waved off the question and denied all rumors, saying you were only friends.

After a particularly stressful day of grading exam papers and dealing with unruly students, you go to Crewel’s office after classes are done to unwind, simply to rant.

Crewel offers a more… physical way to destress. He snakes his gloved hands up your thigh inch by inch, fingers trailing closer to your lacy pair of underwear that he bought you himself.

After locking his office door, Crewel seats you on his desk, using some accessories on you. He would blindfold you, tie your hands, etc!

Hiking up your skirt he gently removes your panties and rips a hole in your pantyhose if you’re wearing any 👀

Crewel wants you to use your words~ he loves hearing his favorite professor beg for release, loves watching your face contort with pleasure because of him

He loves your noises and actually would punish you if you tried to hide them!

I wouldn’t be surprised if he liked using toys on you to further your pleasure~

Gives you the sexiest eyes and smirks when you tell him you’re going to cum

“Oh- oh Great Seven, Divus…” you moan. Your arms were tied behind you as Crewel’s signature red tie obscured your vision. As he flicks his tongue over your clit with fervor you can feel how his fingers scissor open your wet pussy. “Oh, haaanh, shit!!!” You closed your legs instinctively, and gasped when he forces them back open. He tsks and stops altogether, eliciting a pained whine from your throat. “Now now darling, you know what happens to naughty girls, right?” You knew. He wouldn’t let you cum, at least not for a while. “N-no, master, I promise I’ll be good, I’ll be so good! Please, please let me cum, I’ve been a good girl for you, master Divus..!” You whined, tears staining his red tie. Crewel knew how stressful your day was so he decided to let you off the hook. “Mm, fine pup, you’ve had a stressful day. Cum on my tongue, if you so wish~”

Receiving

As much as Crewel loves giving oral, he LOVES receiving from you. You would be crouched down under his desk after hours while he’s grading papers.

It all starts with him texting you about how he “needs help grading.” You don’t expect THIS kind of help, but the idea gets you excited nonetheless.

Crewel would be sadistic - stuffing a vibrator into your pussy or ass while he’s having you service his cock. It’s not necessarily for your own pleasure but more for the idea of him controlling your orgasms and seeing you fall apart under him.

Has a remote that controls the speed and intensity of his toys~

Has a poker face the majority of the time when you’re doing it in his office until he’s close~

Oh! He also likes putting a choker and leash around your neck to see how obedient you are ❤️

Divus pulled lightly on the leash around your neck, signaling he wanted you to go deeper. You obliged, moaning around his cock. The vibrator that was plunging into your cunt had you practically dripping onto the floor beneath you. Your bottom half writhed in pleasure as your noises sent vibrations through to Crewel. “My beautiful pet, I’m getting close… be a good girl and cum with me, won’t you?” He suddenly grabbed a remote and raised the intensity of the vibrator to max, causing you to scream around his cock. “Mmph!!” You began to suck harder, tears rolling down your face onto his thighs. When Crewel finally saw your eyes rolling back he suddenly released his hot seed into your throat, making you sputter and gag. You swallowed and proceeded to open your mouth to Crewel who was pleased with your empty mouth. “What a good girl for me…”

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queenshelby · 4 years ago

Text

My Friend’s Father (Part Seven)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Smut

Words: 4,498

Notes:

I have decided to make this into a series.

Alright, no judgment. This was a dream of mine and I felt like I had to write it down. Everyone in this Fic is over the age of 18 and this Fic is in no way based on Cillian’s real family life. It’s pure filth.

*********

Throughout the entire night, you couldn’t help but think about Cillian. You dreamed about the kiss you shared, the touch of his hands on your face and even the scent of his skin.

You knew you shouldn’t think this way about your best friend’s father but it was something you couldn’t control even though you were angry with him.

But there was one person you who you were even more angry with and this was Connor, the man you were actually dating.

You got up early that morning to confront Connor about his behaviour at the art gallery opening and the truth was that you were pretty much done with him. You never had feelings for him in the first place and the truth was that he had simply become a distraction for you. You wanted to distract yourself from having taken a liking in your best friend’s father which, in itself, you knew was wrong.

Connor embarrassed you in front of your friends and Cillian was right when he said that he was acting controlling, even though you didn’t want to hear it, especially not from him.

You knew you had to end it and you knew that it wasn’t going to be a difficult task for you. You had always been a strong woman and you didn’t want to be with someone like that and, just when you arrived at Connor’s house you took a deep breath and did what had to be done.

‘It’s your loss Y/N’ were his words when you eventually left his house after a ten minute conversation but you didn’t feel like you had lost anything. In fact, you’ve gained something and that was experience in standing up for yourself.

***

Just after you encounter with Connor that morning, you went to have breakfast with Denise and her friends at the G Hotel in Galway.

They were all staying at the five-star hotel, courtesy of Denise’s father who had organised the weekend for Denise for her birthday and as a reward for her achievements after she had worked so hard on her project.

‘Happy Birthday’ you said as you greeted her and the others and Denise immediately told you off for being too loud as her head was pounding. It was obvious to you that she was rather hungover from the night the before.

‘You had too much champaign, huh?’ you giggled before handing her the present you had bought for her.

You usually didn’t spend much money on each other for birthdays but, since she was your best friend, you had spent a few hours’ worth in wages and gotten her something meaningful.

She was collecting vintage tea-cups and you had recently found a beautiful Royal Dalton set in a second-hand shop which you knew she would adore.

‘This is absolutely beautiful, thank you so much’ Denise said as she unwrapped it before hugging you gently.

‘You are welcome. I knew you would like it’ you said with a warm smile and, just as you did and sat down next to her, your mobile phone went off.

You received a text message from a number that was unfamiliar to you and when you opened it, you were none the wiser.

‘It was good to see you’ the message said and you were rather confused by it. You had some job interviews recently and wondered whether this was sent by one of the interviewers. Or perhaps someone from university, you wondered?

‘What is it?” Denise asked as she saw the look of confusion on your face when you glanced at your phone.

‘Someone just send me a message saying that it was good to see me’ you chuckled before explaining to her that you didn’t know the number.

‘Maybe it is this guy from university you were talking about a few weeks back? You know, the lecturer in the science department?’ Denise wondered before suggesting to you that you should text back and ask for a name, but you already knew it wouldn’t be him. There was no way he would have your number and you certainly were no longer interested in getting to know him after you had found out that he was married.

You texted back to the unknown number, enquiring who this was and, within a couple of seconds, your phone went off again and you almost choked on your coffee.

‘Cillian’ the message read and you quickly changed the angle of your phone so that Denise wouldn’t see it.

‘And? Who is it?’ she asked while trying to look at your phone.

‘Uhm…just a guy I met a few weeks ago…I ran into him again yesterday morning and I totally forgot about it…’ you stammered quickly but Denise didn’t buy a word you were saying.

‘You forgot?’ she giggled, winking at you as she did and your cheeks blushed almost instantly. ‘Well, he obviously didn’t and you must have given him your number for a reason. Is he hot? What’s he like? I need to know everything…’ she went on to say as, suddenly, without you haven’t sent anything back to Cillian, you received yet another text message from him.

‘For what its’s worth, you looked beautiful’ the next text read and you couldn’t help but smile as you continued to sip on your cup of coffee and Denise most certainly noticed the look on your face and asked you what he said.

‘Just that I looked nice’ you stammered, feeling awful about lying to her about who texted you but there was no way that you could have told her that it was, in fact, her father who you were texting with.

‘Uh, he likes you’ Denise then giggled before carrying on. ‘Well, since you ditched Connor now, you should go and meet up with him and have some fun. After Connor’s one-off ten-minute performance, I have no doubt that you really need it’ Denise said and, just as she did, the conversation across the breakfast table took a turn. Like so often, it now was all about sex and you realised that dissatisfaction was a common occurrence in women your age.

‘I believe that the whole talk about the female g-spot is load of rubbish. It’s a myth’ Amalie observed eventually after everyone across the table complained about the lovers that they had.

It was at this point that you mentally checked out from the conversation and, whilst you thought about the one pleasurable experience you had in your life when it came to sex, you certainly didn’t want to talk about it in front of Denise. Especially not Denise.

Instead of engaging in talks about vibrators and the male anatomy, you decided to respond to Cillian’s text messages after you had received yet another one, telling you that he was sorry. Clearly, he was desperate to hear from you.

‘I see, you kept my note?’ you responded quickly, ignoring his compliments and apologies, and, just moments after you sent it, you received a response from him.

‘Kept it in my wallet. Can we meet?’ Cillian asked and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes just before you received yet another message from him which read ‘BTW this is not a booty call. I just want to talk with you. Please.’

His message made you laugh but you agreed to meet him nonetheless.

‘I have an apartment at the Docks. Can you come there?’ Cillian asked in his next text message.

‘Alright. How does 4 o’clock sound? Text me your address’ you texted back and it wasn’t long until Cillian sent you the address of his apartment.

‘And?’ Denise asked as she watched you text with the mysterious stranger and you simply blushed again and responded with a short and somewhat embarrassed ‘nothing’.

‘Oh common, tell me Y/N. I am your best friend’ she then said and you confirmed that you would quickly meet up with him this afternoon before Denise’s birthday dinner.

‘Oh la la, you are having a date’ Denise then said somewhat excitedly.

‘We are just catching up to talk Denise. It’s not a date’ you then said.

‘Sure…whatever you say Y/N’ she then said sarcastically which is when, finally, she backed off and you received yet another text message from Cillian.

‘Looking forward to see you, xx’ it read and your heart skipped a beat pretty much then and there.

***

After you went home to have a shower and get changed into some nice jeans and a black shirt as well as some nice lingerie (just in case) you made your way to Cillian’s apartment.

You parked around the corner and walked the rest of the way just to be sure that no one would see your car being parked there.

‘Jesus’ you said somewhat surprised when you walked into the lobby of the apartment building and took the elevator to the top floor after Cillian had buzzed you inside. You had never been to a building like this. It was luxurious and right on the harbour.

When you arrived on the top floor, Cillian already waited for you, glancing through the door of his apartment.

‘Wow, these are some good views. Do you own this place?’ you observed as you stepped inside and set your purse on the desk by the door.

‘Yeah, bought it a few years ago’ Cillian said as you began to shrug off your jacket, but Cillian came up from behind you, and caught your hands. You looked down at your hands, noticing that yours dwarfed in his. They were warm and soft.

‘Let me take this for you’ he said like a gentleman and you were somewhat surprised by his gesture. This was not something you were used to but you liked it, a lot.

‘You know, I didn’t expect that you would text me, especially not after last night. So, what is it that you want to talk about?’ you asked nervously and, just as you did, Cillian cut straight to the chase.

‘I wanted to tell you, in person, that I am sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have lectured you about this guy who you are seeing and the truth is that, yes, I was jealous and I know that I had no right to be jealous and for that I am also sorry. I should have acted differently, especially knowing that you are my daughter’s best friend’ he admitted just before you cut him off.

‘Well, for what its worth, I ended it with Connor this morning because I think you were right about him’ you said with a nervous smile, causing Cillian to cock an eyebrow.

‘I can’t say that I am not happy about that’ he said jokingly before continuing on. ‘But, regardless of this, I think that we need to talk about how we move forward from what happened between us for Denise’s sake’ he then said, causing you to nod.

‘Yeah’ you then said somewhat disappointed before building up your strength in order to say something else. ‘The thing is, Cillian, I know what I want. I just think that you don’t’ you said, cheeks blushing.

‘And what is that you want Y/N?’ Cillian asked curiously as if he didn’t already know the answer to his question.

‘You’ you then admitted and, just as you did, Cillian’s hands caressed your face and he pulled you close and kissed you yet again.

The kiss was slow and passionate and, unlike the night before, you allowed yourself to give into it until, eventually, your lips drifted apart.

‘Are you sure Y/N? Because, I am much older than you and you probably have better offers with more assurances that I simply cannot offer you’ Cillian then asked as he was standing directly in front of you and held you against his body.

‘The fact that you are older actually turns me on’ you admitted before pressing your lips onto his again and then pulling away. You adored his wrinkles and greying hair and you were surprised that he had no idea how attractive he actually was.

‘But what is it that you want Cillian?’ you then asked as you felt his firm chest against you while his warm breath fanned against your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

‘Honestly, I don’t know Y/N. I have never been so fucking confused in my life’ he explained reluctantly, not knowing where to place the feelings he had built for you. You were over twenty years younger than him and his daughter’s friend and this clearly bothered him. He knew that this wasn’t something he could easily overcome.

‘Well, I am confused too but I like you, a lot’ you admitted, also unsure about what this was that you were feeling for him but, what you knew was that you wanted to give whatever this was a chance. You were curious and you were filled with desire for this man standing there right in front of you.

‘And I need to know that you feel the same and that this isn’t going to be just another mistake you are making because, if you are going to walk away after we have sex, then I am not up for it’ you then explained, wanting to ensure that he wouldn’t pull away from you this time.

‘No more mistakes Y/N. I like you and I want this’ Cillian whispered as he pressed his lips firmly right under your ear, slowly kissing down your neck.

‘I want you’ he then said as his breath tickled your skin and the firmness of his kiss made your stomach flip.

‘Then that’s good enough for me’ you huffed out in a laboured breath and just, as you did, Cillian used his hands to spin you around, causing you to face away from him.

Then, his hands dropped to your waist where his fingers gently edged themselves under the hem of your shirt, barely touching your skin. His lips moved, and he left a trail of kisses down your shoulder and towards your arm.

‘I knew this was a booty call’ you teased as you couldn't help but move against him.

‘Do you want to stop?’ he asked as your hips rocked and shifted while he gently brushed his fingers against your skin.

‘Hell no’ you giggled before you lifted your arms and he began to pull your shirt up.

You felt like you were performing some secret dance that we both knew, but that you'd never realised you'd known.

Cillian lifted your shirt inch at a time up off you, and let it fall to the floor. He sighed in satisfaction as he looked down at your breasts.

‘Why are you so fucking perfect?’ Cillian asked and you opened your mouth to answer but it came out as a sigh as his hands tightened around your waist.

‘Let’s take this off’ Cillian said determined as one of his hands inched up towards your breast, and he squeezed it gently. Then, his hands came away from you, and unsnapped your bra.

You practically shook it off of you, and then dropped your hands to your jeans. You needed his hands back on you again as soon as possible and turned to watch him as you kicked your shoes off and shoved down your jeans, your underwear coming with them.

‘Eager, are we?’ Cillian chuckled as he quickly began to undress himself as well after you had given him a look full of hunger and anticipation.

‘We are short of time’ you said as you were momentarily distracted by the sight of him unbuttoning his shirt, but you hurried to kick off the fabric wrapped around your ankles.

‘We’ve got at least two and a half hours Y/N’ Cillian then said as you finally stood there in front of him completely naked.

‘Exactly’ you chuckled as Cillian was still fighting with the buttons on his shirt, and you grabbed the fabric of it and pulled him against you, crushing your mouth against his.

Cillian made love to your mouth with his lips and his tongue. He was firm, slow, and demanding.

You breathed together, tasted together. He dragged a soft moan from your mouth with a caress of his lips. He explored you, letting his tongue run along the roof of your mouth. Your teeth crashed. He sucked your tongue into his mouth, and your stomach clenched and you let out an embarrassingly desperate sound.

Before your first night with Cillian, you'd never been kissed like this. The kisses you shared were more intimate and more sensual than anything you'd ever experienced in your life.

As you were kissing, you finally managed to unbutton his shirt and shoved it open. Your hands ran up and down his chest, exploring his toned body all the while he was relentless in his kiss. His arms wrapped around you, one hand pressing into the small of your back, and the other working his fingers into your hair.

With a small tug of your hair, he pulled your face away from him.

‘I could kiss you all day Y/N, but you said that we are short of time so you better get onto the bed’ he winked and you snaked your arms around his neck and kissed him while he walked you back into his bedroom and towards the bed.

As you were moving towards the bed, he fought with his belt and his pants all while his lips never left yours.

You shuffled awkwardly backwards until the backs of your knees hit the bed, forcing you to sit down. You kept your arms behind you to prop yourself up, smiling as you watched him finish undressing. He was just gorgeous and so goddamn perfect.

‘You are so sexy, you know that?’ you said full of desire while you watched as he pushed his pants down, kicking them off his ankles and standing in front of you completely naked, and... Sweet. Baby. Jesus…your mouth watered at the sight of his hard cock.

‘So are you’ he winked and, just as he did, you met his eyes again after having stared at his cock for a little while. That terrifying intense stare was back, and he looked like he was going to eat you alive. For all you knew, he would.

Without breaking eye contact, Cillian bent down and went to his knees at the foot of the bed, grabbed your legs, and pulled you closer to him, spreading your legs wide as he did so.

‘Lay back’ he ordered and you couldn’t help but bite your lip in anticipation.

‘What are you going to do to me?’ you asked as he was still staring at you. A slow smile graced his face.

‘I am going to make love to you with my tongue until you cum’ Cillian smirked and the idea of his face between your legs made your breath catch.

‘Oh, Sweet Jesus’ you moaned as he let go of one of your legs and put a hand on your shoulder. He pushed you back and then he lowered his lips to you.

Sweet bliss washed over you in an instant. You gasped, and moaned, and shivered. Cillian lapped at you like you were the sweetest treasure he'd ever put in his mouth. A slow, deep rumble from his chest travelled straight into your body through his lips, shaking you to your core. His tongue dove inside you, exploring you. He sucked on the lips of your sex, and the circled his tongue around your clit, sending powerful shocks of pleasure straight to your centre.

He was building you up to something big. Something beautiful.

He eased off right before you exploded, and you cried out.

‘Cillian, don't stop, please’ you moaned and, just as you began to plead with him, his fingers began to gently run through your wet slit.

‘Don’t worry, I won’t’ he said as he slowly pushed two of his fingers inside you before his tongue resumed its work on your clit.

Curling his fingers slightly upwards, he reached an unfamiliar spot deep inside you and, as soon as he reached this spot, you cried out in pleasure.

‘Oh god, fuck, Cillian’ you moaned as his fingers began to gently thrust in and out of you while he made love to you with his tongue.

With his skilled tongue and fingers working you, it didn’t take you long to reach an orgasm. Your legs began to shake almost violently as a wave of pleasure erupted through your body and your walls tightened around Cillian’s fingers.

When you finally came down from your high, Cillian stood up, pushed his hands against your hips, and slid you farther onto the bed.

‘You sound so fucking sexy when you cum like this, without having to hold back’ Cillian observed as he climbed onto the bed. He crawled towards you like a wolf stalking his prey.

‘I want you inside me, please…I am aching for your cock’ you moaned, spurring him on and, without losing any time he spread your legs wide and pressed the head against your slit, gently working the tip in and out, teasing you.

‘Oh god, please, stop teasing’ you whimpered, trying to wiggle against him. You wanted to feel all of him so badly.

‘Be patient, we will get there’ he whispered, and leaned forward so his arms were on either side of your face.

You felt him push a little deeper into you.

‘Oh god yes’ you gasped and winced and Cillian tilted his head and took your mouth with his, kissing you slowly as he rocked in and out. His lips and his tongue matched the pace of his thrusts, and you felt overwhelmed with desire as he slid deeper and deeper inside of you.

‘Fuck you feel so good Y/N’ Cillian groaned as he stretched you and pushed you until he was all the way in, and he pulled his mouth away from yours just long enough to let out a string of curses before he took your mouth again.

You couldn't breathe. Everything about him was amazing. The way he felt inside you was just perfect.

He held your head firmly in place as he kissed you, thrusting into you and grinding his hips so that he hit every single spot you didn't even know you had. Right as you were nearing your climax, he pulled all the way out and pushed himself off of you, pausing to catch his breath.

‘No…don’t stop…I was so close’ you whimpered.

‘Don’t worry, I am not done with you yet but I do enjoy teasing you’ he gasped and you could tell that he enjoyed edging you which is something no other man you have been with had ever done to you before. Unlike them, Cillian had amazing self-control which you thought might come with age.

Almost an hour later, after he edged you numerous times and made you change positions on several occasions, you ended up with Cillian on top of you once again. He slid back inside you, resuming his relentless pace. With every thrust, he ground his pelvis against your clit, and with only a few careful movements of his hips, you exploded in pleasure around him. There was no way you could have held back any longer as waves of heat and ice crashed onto you, and you fought to breathe through the intensity of your orgasm.

‘Fuck Y/N’ Cillian groaned shortly thereafter, feeling your walls contract around his shaft. He collapsed forward onto you, and you could feel him pulsing inside you and filling you with rope after rope of his warm cum.

You loved the feeling of him cuming inside you and his breath was hot against your neck, and he kissed your neck and your mouth again as he pulled back and out of you, giving you a chance to breathe.

***

‘Cillian’ you whispered, barely able to speak even after five minutes had passed since you came down from your high.

‘Yes Beautiful?’ he said, and moved slightly so he could wrap his lips around your nipple. He sucked and tongued at it, and pulled at it with his teeth.

‘Careful’ you laughed, and shifted under him slightly. ‘I’m super sensitive now’ you said.

‘I certainly hope so’ he murmured. ‘Although, I am not done with you yet. We still have an hour before dinner’ he smirked and your eyes widened immediately.

‘Oh really?’ you asked surprised and, when you looked down on him, you noticed that his cock was already hardening again just after a short five minutes of relaxation.

‘Really’ Cillian then chuckled as he rolled you onto your stomach, spreading your legs and crouching behind you.

Without losing any time, he lined himself up with your entrance and pushed back inside of you, eliciting a loud groan.

After doing you from behind for what felt like forever, he'd hauled you up into his lap and made love to you with his arms around you and our foreheads pressed together. You'd watched his eyes widen and roll back in his head as he came inside you again just after you reached your own high as well.

He then kissed you as he slowly pulled out of you, and then carried you in his arms like a bride into the bathroom where he'd showered you, washed your hair and your body, and treated you to another mind-blowing orgasm with his fingers.

‘I am fucking sore Cillian’ you huffed out as you were standing in front of the mirror and retouched your make up with a white towel wrapped around your body. You had only limited supplies with you in your handbag but were somewhat lucky that Denise had kept a few items in one of the bathrooms in the three-bedroom apartment.

‘I am sorry’ he then said as he stepped behind you and applied some more aftershave before kissing your neck.

‘Are you?’ you asked, looking back at him before pressing a gentle kiss on his lips.

‘Not really’ he then smirked before buttoning up his shirt.

You knew that you couldn’t arrive at the dinner together and, after you got ready, you decided to walk to the restaurant first so that Cillian would allow you a ten-minute head start.

But walking was difficult in itself and Cillian had a slight chuckle when he watched you waddle out of his apartment.

Your core was stinging but it was defiantly worth it.

Tag List:

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@peaky-cillian

@severewobblerlightdragon @ysmmsy

#cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x y/n

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dongofthewolf · 4 years ago

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When You’re Lost in the Darkness, Look for the Light- Chapter 2

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

Read chapter 1 here !

After your night with Abby you head down to the cafeteria again to grab some food, still convinced it was all a dream. It’s not until you recognize a familiar face from across the room that you realize it was real, and this time she’s not alone.

Warnings: mild violence, swearing, fluff, just a lot of gay panic tbh

The new chapter is finally here !! All the positive comments on the first one made me so happy so THANK YOU for those :))

BTW that gif of Abby... both eyes open no blink (O_O)

When you woke from your slumber you were almost positive that your encounter with Abby was merely a dream or a figment of your imagination. It was the first time since moving to the base that you hadn’t woken up in a cold sweat; nightmares filled with the echoes of clickers and that piercing sound of ammo clattering on the floor was not an uncommon occurrence. After spending those two dreadful days trapped in a bunker with nothing but a pocket knife and a small handgun, a good night's sleep was something you no longer expected. You shivered as you recalled that dark, cold, concrete room you had barricaded yourself in, awaiting your death with no food, water, or supplies of any kind. It wasn’t until you heard the crashing of pipe bombs in the above levels that you snapped out of your weakened state. The WLF had on a whim decided to clear the building you were hiding out in and saved you. Your rescue was a complete stroke of luck and you weren’t sure whether to be incredibly grateful or afraid for it.

Still groggy from your sleep, you hadn’t even realized the small piece of paper that had been slipped under your door. It was from a page in a notebook that had been ripped out, and on it was a small message in neat, military handwriting: “Had a lot of fun last night :) - A”.

“So it was real!” You thought. That absolute tank of a woman wasn’t just a product of a sleep deprived trip to the communal cafeteria; she was real and every fibre of your being hoped she had enjoyed last night as much as you did.

You neatly tucked the note into your copy of Pride and Prejudice before getting ready for the day (or more like afternoon since you had slept in). After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you slipped on your military issued combat boots and a light sweatshirt before leaving your dorm.

It was still raining outside but luckily the WLF base wasn’t too chilly. Even when it snowed they always managed to maintain some modicum of heat, it seemed as though the wolves could always find ways around the pesky inconveniences of living in a post-apocalyptic world. You never really questioned it though and you knew better than to doubt Isaac’s methods. It’s not like you’ve actually met him or anything, but the stories that you had heard were enough to send a chill down your spine, and you knew that even if you did ask questions it’s not like anyone would answer them anyways.

Fortunately you hadn’t slept in past lunch because you were absolutely starving, so starving that even the shitty WLF base food was starting to smell like heaven. As you made your way into the cafeteria that was teeming with life, there was only one thing on your mind: devouring those damn burritos. Once you finally got some food you quickly sat down to demolish it, amazed at how so much happiness could be contained within the confines of a single bland tortilla and completely oblivious to the staring of a familiar pair of blue eyes from across the crowded room.

“Just talk to her already.” Manny said in a teasing tone.

Abby quickly snapped out of it “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”.

Of course Abby knew what he was talking about; in your rush to completely annihilate those burritos you had failed to notice Abby sitting at a table a few feet away. Abby couldn’t explain it but her heart was racing, the same way it would if she were in combat with a hoard or some Scars.

Manny rolled his eyes “Dude I’m not blind, you’ve been staring at her ever since she sat down. So who is she?”. He relished at the sight of Abby’s nervousness, he hadn’t seen her like this since back when she was still dating Owen.

“Huh? No hablo inglés.” Abby said sarcastically trying to get Manny off her back.

“Fine, I guess I’ll have to ask her myself.” Manny started to get up when Abby kicked his shins from under the table. Manny yelped in pain “Dude! What the hell?”.

“I will literally clock you in the face, sit your ass down right now.” Abby quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one noticed Manny writhing in pain.

Manny chuckled then smiled that classic smug grin while he gripped his definitely-bruised shins “I knew it, someone’s got a crush.”.

“God you’re annoying, I should’ve let that clicker eat you last week.” Abby said in an annoyed tone as she fell back against her chair. Abby felt a tinge of remorse for kicking Manny like that, she knew that Manny probably wouldn’t have actually walked up to you; but she couldn’t have risked it. Abby looked up and noticed Manny’s expression had changed, afraid she overstepped with that last statement Abby was just about to apologize when Manny started.

“What the fuck Abby?! Why didn’t you tell me about this girl, you know I’m the best wing-man.” Manny was suddenly very intrigued, Abby had always been very secretive when it came to her love life so Manny jumped at the opportunity to become her certified dating coach. Plus, not only did Manny have his fair share of experience with women, he also just really wanted to see Abby less lonely. After Owen and Mel started dating along with Leah and Jordan, Abby was stuck constantly third-wheeling the entire group; Manny didn’t think she minded that much, but sometimes it hurt his heart to see her all alone.

“There’s nothing to talk about Manny, we’re just friends.” Abby replied reluctantly, not completely believing her own words. It’s not like you guys were dating, but it felt like a disservice to call what you guys had a “friendship”. The word itself didn’t accurately encapsulate enough meaning for her and despite the fact she was a voracious reader, Abby just couldn’t come up with a word for what you two had.

“If you’re friends, then just go up and talk to her.” Manny knew Abby, and he knew that she always needed a push if he wanted to get anything out of her.

“I can’t… I just can’t. I’m not like you, okay?” Abby was conflicted, waves of doubt started to roll in the more she thought about it. She didn’t want to consider the possibility that maybe you didn’t want to talk to her; that maybe you were just being nice last night and didn’t actually like her, or maybe even that you saw her when you came in and decided to ignore her on purpose.

Obviously Abby was freaking out for no reason, but those small anxious bits of uncertainty that crept in from the back of her mind made her shield of confidence feel tenuous and weak; something she despised.

Manny knew what Abby meant but being the smug little shit he is, he wanted to hear her say it out loud “What do you mean?”.

Abby sighed, “Don’t make me say it.”.

“No, no I really want to hear it.” Manny smiled that famous shit-eating grin, the one he used whenever Abby had to admit he was right.

Abby realized he wasn’t letting go of this “Ugh you know, you can… talk to people.”. Abby could tell by Manny’s face that he wasn’t satisfied with her answer, so not wanting to risk the possibility that he’ll stand up again Abby gave him a look of defeat “and I guess you’re charming or whatever.”.

“Ah! Música para mis oídos.” Manny smiled proudly, hearing Abby compliment him was almost as rare as seeing her without that signature braid. Just as Manny was getting ready to haul Abby’s ass to your table he looked over and realized that you had disappeared, it wasn’t until Abby kicked his shins again that he realized you were standing right there.

You were elbow deep in your third burrito before your dumbass realized that Abby was sitting a couple tables across from yours. “Shit!” You thought, how long had she been sitting there? Did she notice you? No, probably not… unless, what if she was so disgusted by you huffing down those burritos that she ignored you? Ugh! How could you not have noticed her?

You calmly set your burrito down, wiping your face and praying to God there wasn’t anything stuck in your teeth. You figured that Abby probably hadn’t noticed you so you decided to just bite the bullet and talk to her. As you stood up from your seat to make your way over to her table, you quietly whispered to yourself “Come on y/n, don’t be a pussy.”.

“Hey Abby.” She was sitting with a man who you assumed was the friend that she had transferred here with, she mentioned his name last night but you couldn’t place it. He suddenly jerked around to face you with a calm smile on his face, his rugged features and charming personality now making it clear as to why Abby complained about being kicked out of her own room so many nights. Even though you weren’t attracted to him, you understood what all the fuss was about.

“Hey Y/N, I didn’t even see you there.” As soon as the words came out Abby shot Manny a look, the kind of look that meant “don’t say a fucking word.”. However, of course Manny being… well Manny, he grinned and raised his hand to shake yours.

“I’m Manny.” His smile was warm and welcoming as he shook your hand “Please, sit down sit down. Tell me all about yourself.”.

You took a seat next to Abby, your knees just barely grazing each other due to the shortage of space at the table. Even though it was such a small form of contact, you couldn’t help but feel like there was an electric charge connecting you together. You wondered if she even noticed the gesture, if Abby could hear your heart daring to beat out of your chest; if she noticed that small gap between your hands on the table, or if she even noticed the small clandestine looks you were sending her the whole time.

Abby froze stiff as a board when you sat down next to her, and she did her best to maintain her composure when she felt your knee graze hers from beneath the table. This was the closest you two had been and now she could really see the details of your face and your actions; how you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear whenever you were nervous, or how you snorted when Manny thought “Little Women” was just about really tiny people. She noticed how bright your smile was, how it was the kind of smile that could instantly light up an entire room, and she was astonished because Abby finally understood the real meaning of that one Firefly quote about “looking for the light”. Abby realized that no matter what, she would follow you to the ends of the Earth. You were this bright and unexpected light that suddenly entered her life, you weakened her defences and made her feel like a ball of putty, and while one part of her detested that feeling, another part of her never wanted to part with it.

You explained to them how you had been rescued by the WLF and how you were a pretty skilled mechanic. You even told them about how although you loved your job, you desperately wanted to work in the library, because other than the fact that you wouldn’t be covered in grease at the end of every day, you’d also be surrounded by things you love.

The two told you about the “Salt Lake Crew” and how they were essentially Isaac’s top soldiers. It was a fact that left you with about a hundred questions, but you figured it wasn’t the right time to bring up their boss so you tried your best to brush it off. The three of you sat at that table talking for what felt like forever before the cafeteria staff kicked you guys out because they had to clean up.

As they both walked you to your room you were so incredibly excited. You had spent so many months at this boring outpost, spending most of your time reading or crying. Then Abby happened; she came into your life and suddenly you weren’t alone anymore. You were so insanely grateful for this newfound happiness that you just wanted to leap into those insanely strong arms.

Just as the two were about to leave Abby grabbed your hand and leaned down to your height so she could quietly talk to you, “Hey Y/N, can I ask you something?”.

You were so dumbfounded by her hand holding yours that you nearly passed out, you tried to form words but all you could manage was a small nod.

Abby smiled as she stood up and looked to Manny “Hey, you can go ahead I’ll catch up. I just need to talk to Y/N for a quick sec.”.

Manny immediately got the signal and grinned so wide Abby thought his face would freeze like that, Abby knew she was never going to hear the end of this, but she couldn’t really be bothered to care with your hand in hers.

Then Manny was gone, and it was just you and Abby. Her hand was still holding yours and you couldn’t help but notice all the details of them; how she had these small calluses on the palms of her hands, formed from years of wielding firearms and lifting weights. You realized how much damage she could do with them—how much damage she had done with them—but instead she stood there softly cradling your hand in hers, just lightly squeezing it before she looked at you with those same pools of blue you wanted desperately to drown in.

“Hey so I know we kind of just met last night, but I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you and…” Abby paused to contemplate her words before starting again “and I was wondering if we could do this more often. I’m doing some work for Isaac tomorrow but I’ll be back later if you wanted to come by and watch a movie or something?”.

“Holy shit!” You thought “Did Abby just ask me out on a date?”. You couldn’t believe it, there was no way this absolutely fucking perfect girl just asked you on a date. You almost wanted to pinch yourself because nothing about this felt real, it wasn’t until you snapped back to reality that you realized you had been staring at Abby in absolute silence while she stood there waiting for an answer.

You quickly answered “Absolutely, I would love to come over and watch a movie.” Your heart was pounding dangerously fast against your ribcage and your face was completely flushed as you gave her a reassuring smile.

Abby sighed with relief and lightly squeezed your hand “Great! I’m in the room across from the gym, does eight o-clock work?”. Abby felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, at first when Y/N didn’t say anything, she was afraid she had misread the situation and crossed the line.

“I’ll see you then.” As you started heading back to your room, you suddenly remembered something “Hey Abby!” She looked back with curiosity as you shot her a small smirk “Thanks for the note.”.

Abby smiled shyly “I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N.”

—

Read the next chapter here

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson imagine #the last of us imagine #abby anderson #abby tlou #manny tlou #fluff #fxf #tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #gay panic #slow burn kinda

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gffa · 6 years ago

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YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO BEAR WITH ME ON THE LENGTH OF THIS BECAUSE I HAVE SOME FEELINGS AND ALSO I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL, OKAY. THE HILL OF HOW MUCH I LOVE OBI-WAN KENOBI AND YOU HAVE PROVIDED ME WITH A CHANCE TO YELL ABOUT THIS, sorry not sorry. Obi-Wan is definitely not an emotionless robot! It takes me all of five minutes to put together a collection just from the movies of Obi-Wan expressing emotion all over the place, from worry to frustration to happiness to gut wrenching sorrow to anger to joy to pride. You can look at any one of these gifs and see exactly what Obi-Wan is feeling and showing:

Obi-Wan doesn’t have to vomit his feelings everywhere–and the idea that, if he doesn’t, he’s expressing himself “wrong” doesn’t sit very well with me, especially as someone who may be effusive and feelings-vomity on-line, but in my personal life, I’m a lot more reserved and I don’t express myself in the same way. And that’s fine. I’m fine! Other people like this are fine! Obi-Wan is fine! He has feelings, he expresses them in the way that works for himself and he’s generally pretty fine with others being who they are as well--the only time he gets after Anakin is when he’s literally a boiling rage pot that’s about to explode. Which leads to: Of course Obi-Wan tries to help Anakin and says nice things to him! I was rereading Obi-Wan & Anakin and noticed a whole lot of praise in just those five issues!

Praise! Easily given and warmly meant and it’s not exactly a rare occurrence! Also in Revenge of the Sith:

That wasn’t exactly dragged out of Obi-Wan in that scene, he said it very easily and very warmly and there’s every indication that this was not rare, especially given all the other examples in canon to go with it! As for helping Anakin--he does that, too. In Age of the Republic - Obi-Wan Kenobi, when Anakin gets upset about feeling like Obi-Wan doesn’t want him around, Obi-Wan makes a point to specifically talk to him, to tell Anakin about what he was going through and help Anakin understand. He talks about himself and his own experiences as well!

They resolve their issues (especially away from Palpatine’s influence) and understand each other better, that Obi-Wan shows warmth and honesty and kindness to Anakin and gets the same back, they were good together. Same for in Age of the Republic - Anakin Skywalker, when Anakin is struggling with the war (as they all are), Obi-Wan approaches him and has an honest conversation with him and praises Anakin (as well as, at the end of the issue, he gives full credit to Anakin’s hard work is what gave those people a real chance). Again, it’s easy to see what emotions Obi-Wan is going through here, just as much as it’s easy to see that he’s proud of Anakin and the person he’s worked so hard to become:

Obi-Wan also does this in The Clone Wars, at multiple points, like when Anakin is about to boil over because of Rush Clovis and Padme, Obi-Wan goes to talk to him (Anakin is the one who pushes him away, though, clearly regrets how he lashes out, but doesn’t call Obi-Wan back), tries to help him:

And also Attack of the Clones! Obi-Wan is RIGHT THERE, asking after Anakin, asking him about how he looks tired and if he’s sleeping:

That is the face of someone who is concerned for Anakin, who is here and listening to what Anakin has to say. His advice about dreams passing in time (because Anakin doesn’t say he had a vision, he doesn’t say his mother was in trouble in those dreams, only that he’s dreaming about her) is actually really good advice, based on what Obi-Wan knows of the situation. It’s Anakin who changes the subject rather than explain more, by saying he’d rather dream of Padme. This scene, btw, is framed with two other important scenes: - Anakin sweating and panicking while they’re on their way to see Padme, where Obi-Wan makes a ridiculous comment (that there’s no way he actually believed) that yanks Anakin right out of his anxiety spiral and helps him calm down - Anakin starts to spiral again when Padme says he’ll always be that little boy to her, that he’s upset she didn’t seem glad to see him at all, so Obi-Wan is like, “Be mindful of your feelings, Anakin. But she was pleased to see us.” to cheer Anakin up. As for the Council scene--Obi-Wan is absolutely on Anakin’s side there. Being on someone’s side isn’t just blindly agreeing with them, it’s looking out for them! It’s telling them, no, don’t make a scene here, it’s not the right time, instead of just letting them make the situation worse. Anakin was being unwilling to see why the Council was reacting this way--no, he hadn’t earned being a Master (if he was that close to going off the deep end the way he we see he actually does over the course of the next few days, he was not ready to be a Jedi Master in anything but physical skills and that’s leaving out the emotional/mental having your shit together part, which is a really important part!) and so Obi-Wan was getting him to calm the fuck down and think about this whole thing. Like, that’s the whole point of their conversation afterwards--Anakin swears he didn’t ask Palpatine for this, but Obi-Wan says, “But it's what you wanted. Your friendship with Chancellor Palpatine seems to have paid off.” and Obi-Wan’s right about the way this looks really shady and they have to move carefully here. One of the most frustrating things about Anakin--and I say this with affection and love, because I love him so much--is that he has difficulties not being resentful of anything taking priority over personal loyalty, even when Obi-Wan is being loyal to him by looking out for him in a bigger picture sort of way. Blindly supporting someone is just enabling them, but finding the balance between when they need praise and when they need to be told to get their shit together, that’s a real friendship. Especially when Obi-Wan so very clearly loves Anakin, like, just look at that guy! It’s written all over his face! The entire climax of ROTS wouldn’t have had any emotional impact if we didn’t already understand that of course Obi-Wan loved him and that we could see it in the way he interacted with Anakin.

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #meta #long post

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dorkpsychology · 4 years ago

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🩸 period hormones + brains 🧠

If you are reading this, you are probably a person who gets our not-so-loved ✨period✨, and if you are, you must be familiar with the feeling of having a hormone monstress (or monster) inside you that makes you feel bad physically and emotionally. 💀 You cannot get your tasks done properly, you feel like your hormones are going crazy (which also makes YOU crazy) and you just want to go and watch Netflix with a big ice cream pot during this special time of the month, am I right? 🤏 But why is that happening to us?

In case you have not heard about them, the hormones progesterone and oestrogen (both produced during our menstrual cycle, more specifically during its luteal phase aka the pre menstruation phase), as well as their co-dependent changes throughout the course of a female’s (or not 🏳️‍🌈) lifetime, have long been known to play an important role in the growth and equilibrium of people who have a menstruation cycle. 🩸

It is known that the variation of these two hormones can cause some physical discomforts such as, for example, acne, cramps, and tender breasts (as you probably know very well 😑). As stated by M. Guida, J. Y. Yen and others, we also have some neurovegetative matters (don’t freak out, this only refers to non-voluntary nerves’ distribution to the organs, on the word of the online free dictionary by Farlex) like sleeping and eating issues. 💤🍨

However, this hormones’ variation has lately been shown to have an essential importance in the neurological and psychological growth and function as well. 🧠 According to M. A. Farage and colleagues, brain function, our perception, mood, sensory sensitivity, anxiety, among other things are affected by our menstrual cycle (and probably we all can relate to this 😩). Btw, look at that beautiful and mean hormone monstress! 👇

A lot of people suffer from sex hormone based mental health disorders, for instance the premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), which is now classified as a new depressive disorder in the DSM–5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). �� Yup, things are real, for the folks out there who thought we are just drama queens/kings... 💁‍♀️

As stated by the Cambridge University Press, it is considered PMDD when the different menstruation symptoms I have told you about, which emerge before the period starts and decrease when it comes, affect people in a debilitating way, what can significantly affect their quality of life as well. It tends to impact only five to eight percent of reproductive-age individuals so don't worry, you probably don't suffer from this specific disorder. Phew! 😮‍💨 🤞

We also have the premenstrual syndrome (PMS), which is known as way weaker than the PMDD but is still clinically relevant, as it should, because it also has an influence on the quality of a person’s life. As said by J. Gandy, it is estimated that thirty to forty percent of people who have a menstruation cycle suffer with PMS; however, a larger number of individuals describe emotional problems connected to this. Well, Jessie from New Girl definitely does! 😂👇

S. Tschudin stated that during the premenstrual stage of our cycle, nearly sixty percent of people feel at least minor "anger or irritability"/"tearfulness or mood swings" (personally, I just transform into a little Hulk 👺💢). Moreover, studies made by L. Dennerstein suggest that the presence of no less than one premenstrual symptom throughout someone's reproductive life might as well be drastically greater, estimated to be up to ninety percent. I know, our struggle is real, don’t you agree? 😭😭😭

To wrap things up, let's talk a bit about self-esteem and our cycle. Talking generally, the link between poor levels of self-esteem and depression is well known, as individuals who feel depressed tend to feel that way about themselves. 😟 Self-esteem and confidence have always been important to people since it enables individuals to manage more effectively day-to-day occurrences, among many other reasons. A person with bigger self-love = a happier person. 💌🤗

D. Taylor has shown in his research that levels of self-esteem were lower in the premenstrual phase in people who suffer from PMS. Multiple research (specifically done by U. Orth in 2008 and K. Dedovic in 2014, if you want to check them) also showed that poor levels of self-esteem may be seen as a clinical indication of a depressed mood, which can back D. Taylor’s research as, in general, we tend to feel more depressed in this cycle’s phase. 💔 Thanks to our period for murdering our self-esteem! 😤

The menstrual cycle is an important subject for researching how sex hormone variations affect us psychologically during our cycle. Though scientific studies on the menstrual problems that I have talked about, such as PMDD, are relatively not many, this information shows us that people who are most affected by these disorders may have more psychological issues that can debilitate them. 🙍 However, I want you guys to understand that, even with the existent studies we have, a link between any psychological changes observed and the menstruation cycle has not actually been confirmed yet. 🤔

Although I made this post to give you more info about this topic, it is still unclear if the mood changes and other psychological symptoms affect our cognitive abilities, or if there is a specific and implicit hormonal disorder that is affecting them, but researchers are working on it and improving what we know about it day by day. Yay! 😃📚 I hope I was able to help you better understand how and why our bodies work like that. I’ll leave you with an awesome Ariel meme. 🤭 That's all for today friends, bye-bye! ✌️💖

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cxplqnce · 5 years ago

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Wally West - The 1

Based off the 1 by Taylor Swift.

You and Wally were interesting.

You met in Central City on a cold day. You had almost been hit by a bus but he sped you out of the way before the hunk of metal could collide with your body. You’d asked him how he had gotten to you so fast and he’d just shrugged it off as nothing, adrenaline maybe?

A few days later you had seen him in CC Jitters. You’d invited him to sit with you as it was very busy that day and all the tables had been filled with people; drinking coffee, working or having a good chat. You’d learnt a lot about Wally and were now on a first name basis, you’d exchanged phone numbers with a smile and a promise to meet up.

After that, the rest was history.

Cinema dates, long walks along the river and in the park, movie nights on your couch and nice dinners all followed as you got closer and closer and eventually started dating. You’d figured out he was Kid Flash after two weeks and confronted him about it – he tried to lie his way out. Keyword, tried. You were completely okay with it, actually you were more than okay – you were stoked! You’d grown up a comic book kid and now had a real-life superhero boyfriend, it was the best thing ever!

After about three months, you had accidently been given superpowers after being kidnapped, tortured and experimented on for days. Wally and Barry had saved you but you ended up with telekinesis – something you were excited about until you started using it without meaning to. You knocked a computer screen onto Barry’s foot and launched a book at Caitlin’s head. Then you blew up a window, covering Wally in pieces of glass which took Caitlin over two hours to remove. It was a long few months getting used to your powers but Wally was there every step of the way.

It was a fairy tale romance, until Jesse showed up.

Jesse had come back to Earth-1 and had been all over Wally. You knew that they used to like each other before you and Wally met but you were just so jealous, especially now that you were quarantined at STAR Labs until you could get a hold of your powers. During Jesse’s visit there was numerous arguments between you and Wally and a few screaming matches which all ended in tears. Apologies were a weekly occurrence and one day you couldn’t take it anymore.

Jesse had left by this point. The day it ended. You had yelled so loud that you accidently set off a small explosion that triggered a small earthquake. You could tell that Wally was terrified of you and so you ended things.

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit

Been saying "yes" instead of "no"

A few weeks later, you had gotten significant control of your powers and had helped Barry defeat a few metas but you felt out of place in Central City – it didn’t feel like home anymore. Thankfully, Barry’s friend Sara Lance came to visit and she offered you a place on the Waverider which you took almost instantly. Without Wally, there wasn't much keeping you in Central City so you jumped at the chance.

You spent a few months getting used to the Legends and felt at home on the ship, the team were your new family and you had been a great help in fixing anachronisms. You had figured out that Nora Darhk had been taken over by a demon Mallus and you had been helping the Legends figure out what to do.

I thought I saw you at the bus stop

Unfortunately, your ex-who-must-not-be-named turned up on the Waverider with Rip Hunter. When you came onto the bridge with Nate and Mick, you almost threw up at the sight of him. You had gotten so nervous that your powers had started malfunctioning and you shook the ship so hard that you almost broke Gideon.

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

And it's alright now

However, over the time that Wally was on the ship you made friends again, not love but friends. You didn’t hate his entire existence like you had after you ended things and you actually considered him one of your closest friends – maybe even family.

You’d spent time with him in close quarters trying to get rid of a demon – which you did (technically Beebo did) – and got to know him again. You still fought like an old married couple and there were a few times you almost beheaded him or ripped his heart from his chest for being such an asshole but ultimately you were back to how you were when you first met.

Not love, just friends.

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one.

A/N: i love this song and i love wally soooo much that i had to write about him. btw, i had a situation with my computer and lost a bunch of imagines and story ideas so that’s why i haven’t been posting imagines lately :)

#wally west #kid flash #the flash #dc #legends of tomorrow #wally west x reader #wally west imagine

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spacemilkies · 6 years ago

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Could you do a Ben Hargreeves request where the reader and Ben dated and were in love before he died and the readers always been there for Klaus so they're like best friends but the reader doesn't know that Ben is with Klaus after he dies since he wants her to be able to move on even though he's always gonna love her but obviously it comes out? Like fluff flashbacks to them being happy and in love. I love your writing btw!

title: the wheels go round and round

pairing: ben hargreeves x reader; platonic!klaus hargreeves x reader

summary:

the three of you were like a three-wheeled bike

but then you lost a wheel

its a good thing most bicyles can run on two wheels …

right?

a/n: bless the day to umbrella academy. after months of drought, it rained down 5k+ words on my soul

hope you like!

It was more than just an itch.

When describing the sensation of feeling the departed, Klaus had always summarized the connection to an itch.

But it was more than that.

It was a whisper at times and a shout at its worst.

It was both the burn of a cigarette and the sharp punch of frost.

Klaus no longer just enjoyed life because since the day he was born, he’d been destined to share it. Whether it be someone’s brother, mother or aunt.

He couldn’t simply exist without the obligation of presenting himself as a window to those who have departed. They were tethered to him, mere specters unable to indulge in their own whims.

But more often than not, Klaus felt like the collar was around his own neck. The hallucinations tightening around his throat like a noose.

It was suffocating.

Until the few times it wasn’t.

The moments where Ben was on one side,

and you were on the other.

“Please … Klaus. Not tonight.”

Had he had the energy, Klaus would have rejoiced. In the sea of hell, submerged in a pool of souls, hearing his dear brother’s voice was like breaking the surface.

Regrettably, at times he’d been too deep to begin with. The rapid ascend cracking his chest with aches and muddling the shores of his mind.

Or perhaps it was just the cocaine.

‘Twas all a blur at this age.

Except for his brother.

Klaus had been convinced that his brother’s multiple appendages had followed him into the next life, where they finally joined into one.

One string enough to define the parameters of life and death.

One potent enough where Klaus could almost feel the warmth of his finger tips.

No, this was definitely the cocaine speaking.

Shuddering past the residue, eyes fixated forward despite the obvious request for his attention. He learned long ago that it was much easier to escape the allure of desires that were not his own this way.

Of course, the notion worked better with strangers.

“And what exactly did I promise, dear brother?”

He knew.

Ben only sought him out for two things: loneliness and you.

And the two were often more intertwined than independent.

The phantom steps weren’t quite as soundless when the familiar gait in his memory coupled with reality. With his head bowed, Klaus only allowed himself the view of the restless sneakers planted in front of him.

He would account for deniability for just a little longer. Just until the fog lifted.

Yes, there was one plus to his powers.

No matter how much his brother wanted to launch him into kingdom come with the flick of his very murderous friends, there was just no true density to his physical wants.

“Klaus were going to be late. The recital starts in less twenty minutes. “

And in the other side of town, Klaus recalled groggily of the event he wasn’t suppose to remember. Not only would he be pushing the limits of his rather shallow physicality, but he would also suffer to the sharp keys struck in cohesion to whatever dated classical piece chosen for the night.

He could still hear the thundering notes of the last one echoing off the sides of his skull.

The agony of the preservation of music.

“Klaus!”

“Fuck!” Scrambling to his feet, the disheveled man shakily reached for the wall for balance. A few of his trivial belongings clattered to the street below. At least they were disposable now, there was no way he’d be able to make the trip back down again.

Beyond the determination, there was a hint of sympathy in Ben’s gaze. Despite being forever frozen in time by passing, Klaus felt like he was still growing despite the absence of aging. That and Klaus always had a soft spot for his sixth placed sibling.

Well, shit, there went his small window of deniability.

Smoothing his hands down the tattered and grimy black of his clothing, Klaus snuffed audibly as he looked down the alleyway.

“Well let’s get going then.”

____

“Fucking cmon, man.”

Klaus let out a quiet groan of disgruntlement when he peered around the corner once more. Much like like last three times, funding his brother just as ensnared with his significant other.

Despite his warnings, neither of the couple had kept things chaste. He’s managed to get more than an eyeful of Ben’s wandering hands and exposed skin.

Keeping a timer was a futile attempt.

They were too young to die.

Practically skinned alive by their father for sneaking out again.

Getting caught for it again.

All for love.

Teenage reckless love.

Counting upward, skipping a few useless numbers along the way, Klaus finally decided on a limit and turned back to the pair with a stronger resolve.

“As distastefully envious I am of your abrupt jump from bases so quickly, I’m afraid you’ll deny me the opportunity to try the same in the future if we don’t get going,” he emphasized with a pointed look at anything but the two flushed individuals.

Ben let out an equality frustrated huff and you laughed in turn.

And Klaus…,

Poor Klaus was just ready to end it all.

Ben drew you in close once more for a quick snog, one teetering close to another endless makeout fest without his brother’s grunt.

“Alright, alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, after your classes?”

Your face scrunched in thought, before clearing with recollection and you shook your head,” I have practice tomorrow evening.”

Ben’s bottom lip pulled downward at the thought, but you quickly remedied it with a peck on the cheek and a suggestion.

“But maybe, we can meet at night? At the cafe?”

The question was directed more towards the lingering Klaus, who rolled his eyes.

The gesture met by silence.

Seconds ticking into minutes, until he couldn’t take it any longer.

He threw up his arms in exasperation.

“Fine, you little miscreants. I swear if you two drag me through a teenage pregnancy. I will kill you both and drag your souls into my bedroom to view a true the horrors of entangled lovers.”

“Ugh, I don’t know.”

Rubbing sleepily under the droop of his eyes, Klaus was willing to bet anything as long as it got him back in bed before noon. If someone told him something like friendship was such a binding contract, he would have gladly done without it.

The remaining option of pure solicitude and his family be damned.

Anything less would have had him in bed still.

“Look, Ben will love anything you get him. He’s easy like that,” he quipped around a yawn.

What he didn’t mention was how frankly any of them would take a grain of salt if it came as a gift on their names-day.

Who knew being born without an identity would come without the rest of the joys in the world. But with everything else denied, what was one more traumatized shard of a misplaced childhood.

When he finally returned to reality, he found you standing just under him, your nose barely bringing the line of his shoulder. You were watching intently, in a way that could only be described as expectation.

Ah, you’d said something else hadn’t you?

God, he was just making this much longer for himself.

What did Ben even like?

Surely under all the endless screaming and turmoil Klaus had been present enough to at least learn something impertinent about his brother.

All of his siblings mumble of wants.

A proper life.

A real family.

Friends.

Bringing together all two of his lingering brain cells, he squared his shoulders with a posture of authority. “A music book.”

To his suggestion, your nose twisted into a look of pure disbelief.

Oh, you unfortunate clueless little doll. If only he had the time to introduce you to the chaotic world his brother had created to express his undying love for you.

“A music book, because he likes to understand you. You and that complicated, beautifully musically-inclined brain that he’s so obsessed with. Poor boy is tone deaf, but if he can keep up with you literately, then he’s a happy monkey.”

His lips pulled at the joke that went over your head with no reminiscence.

All that mattered was that his brother would be happy.

You would be sated.

And he could get his ass back to sleep.

Klaus felt like something worse than a train had plowed into him. Which was ironic, because he couldn’t think of much else that would leave his body wriggling in agony.

Just the effort needed to part his eyelids felt like shouldering the weight of cinderblocks. The trials of it all would have been much more terrifying had it only been the first occurrence.

Fortunately, or supposedly unfortunately given his state of health, this was far from the first time that he’d found himself plastered to his brother’s couch. His impromptu visits were really beginning to affect the integrity of the upholstery, he mused as he picked lethargically at the dried flakes of his own spittle.

Not even on his best day could Klaus recall exactly where they’d drug him from this time. He tended to only bare the scorches of hell not the memories of it.

A low rumble of thunder tickled at his consciousness, and his body managed to comprehend the action to find the available window perched just east of his grungy nest.

To find only instant regret as the bright rays began the thrall if his punishment.

No storm then.

Then what was- oh.

“The parents are arguing,” He sang alone and off tune to the accompaniment of two voices just beyond his reach. Despite its size, their cute little kitchen managed manifest acoustics only found in the hazy mists if his shower.

“He needs to go to rehab, Ben! This is getting ridiculous.”

“Rehab isn’t going to cure the voices. “

Understanding the horrors behind why Klaus was such a dysfunctional mess had done nothing to deter your efforts to provide him with solace.

More often than not he found himself drug to recitals and practice performances where you felt the noise would help to overcome the screams.

It may have been a nicer sentiment should he have control of the playlist if songs. He was more likely to fall asleep and face his maker than find peace.

Indirectly he found himself observing Vanya on more than one occasion, however, a Samaritan token that he hoped he could cash in at some point in the future

“So were suppose to just let him keep doing this to him self. “

Oh bless your soul.

Klaus shoulders rolled in a crooked dance as his hand touched the three places out of order to a religion he had no experience dabbling in.

May the big guy or women upstairs truly gift you for your heart.

“Baby, it’s not that easy…”

Well, gift you more than they had when they wrapped Ben up and presented him to you.

Klaus wondered if you recognized the veteran you were when it came to keeping the real monsters at bay.

“You think when this is all over … think I could marry her?”

The question was asked so causally that Klaus nearly inhaled the paper roll balanced between his lips. Ben, this little rascal, hardly missed a second as he reached over to take a puff for himself.

A slow dazed smile curled at his lips, his mind floating up and away in chase of the cloud.

All the while, Klaus nearly died from an abrupt pneumonectomy.

“Sorry, I’d like to dissect this first. When what’s over? Sorry to break it to you, but those powers aren’t going anywhere.”

That was a long dead dream amongst all the siblings. This was their life and they just had to adapt to make the best of it.

Funny, he couldn’t remember if he’d heard that from mom or dad.

Frankly, their mother was an autonomous robot programmed by their father, so he supposed they were one in the same.

He shudders at the visage.

Ben took another long drag before handing the joint back, letting the smoke settle in him before releasing it out into the world. He was becoming such a professional, Klaus almost wanted to cry.

Rolling his head back, Ben caught his brother’s gaze, the same languid grin still plastered on his lips,” I mean the old man has got to die at some point right? Then we’d be free.”

Except the old geezer just couldn’t seem to find the bucket to kick. Klaus had to wonder if he was even born with one.

Maybe that’s why he took everything from them, because he lost his bucket. Since he had to suffered it was only right that he did.

Scoffing, Klaus fell back into the cushions of the couch. Their father dying would just be one nightmare for another to him. While his other siblings lived their life, he’d be the unlikely bastard still hearing dead old dad.

He waved his brother to continue,” So dad dies. He has no more control. Enter your bride to be. What could go wrong ?”

“They could say no.”

The taste of rejection was familiar and thick, a viscous emotion that was contagious in all the worst ways. It was an airborne virus, a bacterial infection- a stigma embedded into the very walls they grew up in.

They’d spent their whole lives being discarded from the inside. How would they handle the same on the outside?

Well Klaus certainly didn’t think that Ben deserved that.

“You’re an idiot. Of course they would say yes.”

And when that lazy smile brightening with the energy of the sun, Klaus thinks, yeah it’ll be alright.

___

Except it’s not.

It’s the opposite of okay.

___

“Did you know he wanted to marry me?”

Klaus looks up in surprise, though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he shouldn’t. You were equally as expressive as you were aware. To be honest, you had to be to keep up with them.

Just because they were a danger, didn’t mean they weren’t inherently surrounded by it as well.

As fate brought about.

Ben always made sure to keep you on your toes. Scolding you when your back was turned to the happenings of the world. It was done out of love, to protect you from what you couldn’t see.

Your defense when he wasn’t there.

So of course you’d been primed to pick up on little mannerisms and peculiarities. Lately, when the two of you were alone, wrapped up in your lovers nest, Ben often lost himself to his own thoughts.

But naturally that wasn’t enough to support the little investigation.

No, you needed evidence.

The little box hidden behind the bookshelf was more than enough to close the case.

You still had it.

Unsure of what to do with it now. It didn’t seem like a family heirloom, but what did you know ?

The touch of your own hand stroked fondly over the fingers of your left, a quirk of a sullen smile twitching halfheartedly.

“Yeah, I knew. It was so easy to tell with him.”

Ben’s manifestation came as easy as a whisper yet felt like the heavy side of an iron hammer. He hovered between the two of them, uncertainty rooting his presence just short of reaching you.

His face twisted at the sight of your solemn agony as you picked apart the memories of your life together.

“Every recital I kept wonder if that was going to be the day. “

Klaus could only watch it play out, no plausible intervention available in his capacity to offer comfort. The wound was still so fresh and deep with all of them. The two of you together were just barely managing to keep the gape from tearing wider.

“Then I realized, that wouldn’t be his style. He’d probably try to stick it in a milkshake then freak out when I went for a spoon.”

Ben’s broken laugh cracks his chest, rattling like a case of skeletons. Klaus is glad you can’t hear it, the torment of its sound would only plague his nightmares.

“I would have said yes without a ring.”

When Ben reaches for her, Klaus can’t help but do the same. The urge feels like his own, physically, but when his brother lays his hand atop the pile the warmth doesn’t feel like it’s coming from his own body. At the touch, it sparks an array of emotions he’d only once viewed through a one way mirror.

Now he was the window.

Too bad it was already broken.

“I would have said yes to anything.”

____

“Every time. I know you say you’ll see me again, but damn, you really surprise me, Klaus.”

When Klaus draws you in for a hug, its more than instinctual. Its not an ambient desire.

Its a whim of his own, something that he takes his own personal comfort in.

His.

So maybe he’s a little disgruntled, when a third pair of arms joins the embrace.

And maybe, he’s a little smug when you only respond to his warmth, and his alone.

Call it his own payment.

Grinning, you brush away the damp fringe from your flushed cheek. You always called performing a rush. He thought living with Vanya would help him understand that, but it seemed that music lover’s were truly just one of a kind.

“Tell her how amazing she sounded.”

Ben encroaches on the moment again, and Klaus grits his teeth to bare the grin as he recites the words. Sometimes he wonders if he you can hear his voice as well as he can. The two of you always had such a special connection.

It was a shame that death had to be the one thing that built a wall between you.

With a sigh that could double as exhaustion, you leaned back on your heels. The adrenaline of the recital was finally wearing off. All the long nights and endless dance of fingers across the keys had waned down to this moment, and now it was over.

For now at least.

Give or take a few weeks, just short of a month or two and you would be back at it again.

“So … you look … good?” You winced at the delivery but prided yourself on how it didn’t come out sounding like an interrogation. It was so difficult to properly voice your worries when it came to Klaus.

So much had changed over the years.

You thought you would be able to function without the third wheel.

Most bikes ran on just two after all.

But Klaus seemed to need that third wheel in a capacity that you just couldn’t understand. Frankly, there were a lot of things you didn’t quite comprehend and you had practically dated a superhero.

But with Ben it had been not easy but simpler in all the ways that came natural as being together.

Klaus was the opposite in more ways the one.

Yet so explicitly streamlined down the single reason that he wasn’t alone.

He was never really alone.

No matter how often you tried to fill the space with your presence, some skeleton from the past managed to draw him away.

You think thats the one thing you hated most about the house he grew up in. Despite all those people, it had been voided from so much love that it got to the point that he’d let anything in.

And now he didn’t know how to close the door.

He was getting so weathered just standing at the entrance, taking whatever was thrown at him.

Klaus managed his usual exaggerated grin, and you made no comment of how it drooped a the side. “Oh, but thank you my dear. Truly, here I thought no one would noticed how I walked straight off the runway to make it here on time.”

Laughing came easy, even when it was forced.

“Well, I appreciate it. I really do, Klaus. Everytime.”

Klaus lifts his shoulders and let him fall in his own quirky way,“It’s what he would have wanted.”

“Still wants.” Ben’s words drift like a breeze.

You reach for his hand, meaning every word as they cross your lips,“Yeah, well, he had a great brother.”

There was no denying that your friendship had fractured from being on the receiving end of the blow that was Ben’s death. Things weren’t quite as they were, lacking the instrumental piece that his ghost couldn’t be to bridge your worlds.

But it wasn’t broken.

Ben wouldn’t allow it. He kept Klaus alive, pushing him to remain conscious and aware of the world. Even if his brother’s motivations were selfish demonstrations of his own agendas.

At the end of the day, Klaus retained your friendship.

And in a world of apparitions, it was nice to reach for something and have it met half way.

“Yes, thank you. I’m glad he can hear that and my efforts are for naught.”

Ben flittered between the two of you, instinctively drawn into your orbit. Klaus tried not encroach, but unable to not watch as Ben tried in vain to grasp the wisps of your hair. The intentions phased through you without your notice yet Ben’s look of complacence didn’t falter in the slightest.

It’s what he wanted for you after all.

Your blissful unawareness would be necessary for you to properly prefers in a world without him.

Even when he was still there to watch your steps forward.

“We should treat her to her favorite cafe.”

Ben was back at his side, flickering in and out of space with ease. The question snapped Klaus out of his revere and he found himself answering audibly in reflex,“Oh yes, with my limited funds.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion,

“Sorry?”

Klaus waved you off, not having to explain in detail for once or come up with an exuberant tale to mask his insanity. “Oh, not you.”

Your eyes flashed with recognition. Apart as you were, you weren’t as accustomed to Klaus day to day demons. The man who was once a constant in your life managed to fade to the background without your say so. You knew he was doing it out of his own attempts to shield you.

With Ben, you were a proper team, one that could at least attempt to maintain the forlorn sibling. But alone, it felt like you were a mere spectator.

“Is it getting worse? I mean its, always worse right?”

“Not… always,” he trailed off.

“Klaus you cant keep drowning them away the way you are. Its not healthy.”

This really wasn’t how he planned for this evening to go. But you were a lecturer at heart and consequently he was your favorite subject. He had resist the urge to make a face when Ben hummed in agreement. “I know that.”

He looked up at the touch of your hand, trying hard not get to far swept into your altruistic stigma. Without Ben around, he’d managed to do a better job of dragging you into his mess rather than allow you to pull him out.

You were just too helpful.

Always loaning money or your couch to rest on.

Just attending your performances hardly felt like a redemption to all your kindness. Ben certainly felt that way. In Klaus defense, he never lead a very virtuous life to begin with. Besides, wasn’t the point of all this for you to live your own life?

Ben had died, leaving you two to reform a friendship in his absence. Sure, it was the squeakiest wheel but it turned.

You had just as strong of a hand in keeping him afloat.

“Then act like you mean it. I know its not fair for me to simplify something so difficult, but you just have to cut them out.”

Klaus wondered if he’d imagined the hitch in your voice or if Ben had noticed it as well. Your gaze had lowered as you delivered into your speech, hiding away the true emotions festering beneath. Klaus didn’t know what he would do if the sniffling began. He was oh so terrible when it came to managing emotions that were not his own.

Who was he kidding, he hardly had a reign on those.

But you continued on. Your stance growing sterner with every word.

“Let the past go.”

“Forget about them.”

“Move on.”

They were the same words regurgitated from Ben’s own request to see that you moved on properly after his death. He hadn’t wanted you to remain stuck on his ghost, remembering what had been and constantly reimagining what could be.

More importantly, he wanted you to let go of him completely, so that you wouldn’t seek him out in Klaus.

Klaus always found it odd how you never showed any addition resistance to Ben’s ‘dying’ request. Not that he expected you to declare vengeance. But you knew, he was a walking window to the world of the dead. Knew that if he tried enough, he could manifest Ben back to you. But you never asked.

You just smiled and nodded.

Ben pretended to be unaffected, tried to convince himself that it was what he wanted. But Klaus knew he was hurting from the lack of contact. Yearning to use the advantage only his brother could provide.

Wanting.

Needing.

It just wasn’t fair.

“Even Ben?”

Ben was in front of him immediately, his face hardened in the event of Klaus breaching their deal. But Klaus was done with the suffering, tired of making everyone around him feel it too.

At one point in their lives, they were all happy.

And it was time to stop acting like Ben’s absence was the end of it all.

“Ben…”

Klaus expected more tears. Something of a sort of production of dramatics that would call attention to your private moment. He certainly had the theatrics in him to do so. But you were just … quiet. As if hearing Ben’s name aloud had stripped the sound from your voice.

Ben looked at him with chagrin, mouth already moving to berate Klaus’ impulsive decision,” Look what you did- all our progress.”

“I didn’t want to! I just-”

“Ben, its fine.”

The silence that followed was deafening. It took them both a moment more to realize which of the pair you’d called out to. And with such confidence. You’d just included yourself in the conversation as if you’d been there from the start.

As if you’d-

“You knew…”

Klaus somehow managed to add more foundation to Ben’s fractured words. The weight of the realization suddenly splintering the mirage you’d all built together to keep the world spinning. You’d all contributed to the great tragedy in which no one was truly happy.

“That you could see him?” Your shrug was lopsided. The weight uneven as you offloaded your own demons. “Klaus, you can see everyone. Of course, I figured you would seek out your own brother.” You said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Like there were idiots for thinking otherwise.

In a way they were.

“But you never-”

” -said anything?” You interrupted with another sluggish shrug,” Ben made it pretty clear that he didn’t want me to know. The least i could do was respect those wishes.”

You’d do anything for Ben.

Even forget.

Or pretend to, at least.

What would you be, if you couldn’t meet his last request.

Frankly, it was all too much for Klaus, his body shaking with misplaced laughter as the situation settled within him. You truly knew them- knew them both better than they knew themselves. They’d presented a game and got played by it.

Ben was fairing slightly better, daring to even smile a little in muted pride. Klaus finds himself thrown back in time, the same feeling of trespassing establishing within him when Ben reaches out with a phantom hand to stroke your cheek.

Swallowing around the barrier, Klaus narrates helpfully,” He’s uh- stroking your cheek. Or trying to at least.”

For some reason you all laugh, your accompanied by bringing your own hand up to touch the side of your face. You’d managed to find the right cheek without either of their guidance. Not that anyone was surprised anymore.

“I’ve missed you.”

Oh how Klaus wished you could hear Ben. Something you could all agree on. But he played his part, being the voice needed to maintain the connection,” “He misses you.”

When you open your eyes, your gaze is more watery than it had been before,” Yeah, I’ve missed you too.”

Klaus is caught off guard when your hand extends out, fingers flexing. At first he thinks you’d dared to try to reach for Ben, hopeful for a missing touch. But instead he finds your gaze trained on him, your touch as warm as he remembers.

“I knew I could rely on him to keep you alive. “

Ben chuckles fondly,” Damn right.”

You sigh audibly through your nose, giving Klaus one last squeeze before letting go. “Honestly, this is great. I felt so weird trying to pretend like he wasn’t there. Seriously, you two share one brain cell. As long as you’re functioning, it was safe to assume Ben wasn’t far.”

The jib was popular joke of yours when Ben was still alive. The two brothers were a mix of mischief that you rarely managed to keep up with. Together they were a duo, but the three of you were more than a trio.

A unit that sheltered each other from the harshness of reality.

“I’ll take you up on those parfaits now. Maybe a hot chocolate with a shot. I know you’ve got something on you.“

Klaus was going to end up with whiplash by the end of the night with the way this conversation was going. You departed from them with a promise to return as quickly as you could change, leaving the two siblings floundering in place.

“I know I said this before, but your fiancé is strange.”

The way Ben smiles reminds Klaus of the day he decided that he was in love with you.

Ben didn’t even try to correct him.

“Yeah, but we like them that way.”

#Anonymous #the umbrella academy imagine #klaus hargreeves imagine #ben hargreeves imagine #ben hargreeves x reader #the umbrella academy oneshot #klaus hargreeves x reader #umbrella academy writing #the umbrella academy headcanons

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toonstarterz · 6 years ago

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BECAUSE I’M NOT POPULAR, I’LL READ WATAMOTE: CHAPTER #166

Baseball season is in the air! Thankfully, you don’t need to be a fan of the sport to like this chapter. So long as you enjoy the stupid antics of a bunch of socially awkward teenage girls, there’ll be plenty of fun to be had. And of course, it wouldn’t be Watamote if they didn’t include a bunch of expertly intricated plot threads and natural character development as well. With all of Nico Tanigawa’s passions coming together once again, I can say that this chapter is definitely in top form.

So without further ado, let’s play ball!

Chapter 166: Because I’m Not Popular, I’ll Go Cheer

Tomoko getting flabbergasted just by Katou existing never gets old.

You know, I always had the impression that Tomoko wording things in the most perverted way was just a gut reaction due to her mind being perpetually in the gutter. But now, I feel like her answer here is just too on the nose to be anything but deliberate. IdiotPerv!Tomoko is hilarious, but TrollPerv!Tomoko is too powerful.

Consequently, Tomoko can’t say shit without it biting her in the ass.

Okada with the save. Sure, she probably didn’t want to look like a slacker from Katou either, but still. If Katou’s the mom friend, then Pineapple-chan’s the exasperated, but supportive onee-san friend.

I just realized that this is a standard routine with these two: Yuri will say something tactless and Mako will call her name out in admonishment. If this has been going on since they first met, then Mako has boundless patience and/or is the absolute best friend that no person should ever take for granted. Not that

Yuri does...mostly.

Y'all can tell that baseball fan Ikko had a blast drawing the backgrounds in this chapter.

Speaking of which, I’m 212% certain that Komiyama’s role in this chapter is to be the mouthpiece for Nico Tanigawa’s baseball fanatism. Given that it’s technically in-character (for who is basically their self-insert), and baseball chapters can only feasibly happen every hundred chapters or so, I’m fine with the mangakas taking these little indulgences.

Hey, let the girl live a little! Komi’s gotta cram ten chapters worth of dialogue she won’t get into one.

Pardon me, Tomoko, but you seem to have left your self-awareness by the entrance to the stadium.

Naturally, Tomoko hates that Komiyama isn’t making a fool of herself in front of her mom-crush. It’s easy to forget that so long as you don’t set off her berserk buttons, Komiyama is actually quite...normal. Like, being amicable with others and casually humble-bragging is her default state.

Nico Tanigawa’s artistic habit of putting nicknames under faces always amuses me.

There’s being upset, and then there’s being petty. We all know that Tomoko is aware that Itou is in the band, and any other day, she wouldn’t hold that against the girl. But because she’s salty over Komiyama acting cool, her sensibilities revert back to Year-1 Tomoko logic.

Now, if I were a more crass person, I could make the assumption that the majority of those underclassmen were a combination of girls admiring Fuuka’s “cool beauty” status and boys wanting to check out an attractive senior girl in a cheerleading outfit, discrepancies notwithstanding.

But I won’t.

Oh yeah, Miho. Based on the above cheers, she seems like your average popular girl, but if you recall, she got a kick out of Katou’s “offers” to Tomoko. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a bit of a mean streak in her.

Btw...armpits? Okay, then...

You’d think that by now, Tomoko would learn some subtlety before pulling shit like this.

Normally, I’d call Tomoko out for shenanigans since I thought she was mostly over the whole “slut-shaming” thing. But given how she wasn’t thinking this when the girls in her class wore cheerleading outfits during last year’s sports festival (that we know of), I can only assume that this is more of Tomoko’s jealousy due to Fuuka’s friendship with Katou.

Either that, or Tomoko just doesn’t want to admit she finds her hot.

I think we’re all in agreement that Ucchi’s gonna lose massive points for this.

On the other hand, the image of Emoji Girl screaming about Tomoko’s crimes through a megaphone is peak absurdity, and I’ve been laughing my ass off for twelve minutes.

In all seriousness, I’m kind of glad that Tomoko is finally getting her way overdue karma for all her skirt-peeping. Sure, it’s all been played for comedy, but that doesn’t change the fact that its sexual harassment, or the fact that she’s more than likely gotten away with it for being female.

It’s all fun and games until your stalker calls you out on it.

LIES.

You know...maybe it is Tomoko’s fetish. She’s done it so frequently, and it’s always been portrayed as just another one of Tomoko’s “quirks”. But given the context of all those occurrences, having a skirt-peeping fetish actually sounds very plausible. Thank you, Yuri, for that insight.

Looking at Katou’s expression, it might be her fetish, too...

Seeing Tomoko get more and more mortified as everyone keeps dogpiling on her shame makes for quite the cathartic reading.

Add on to the fact that Komiyama, the biggest perv of all, is the most dignified at this moment just makes this whole chapter an absolute treat.

Considering that Tomoko basically just got outed as a pervert in the middle of a crowd of spectators, she’s taking this quite well. First-year Tomoko could’ve had a legit panic attack if that had happened, but now, she actually has enough nerve to retaliate. Sure, Tomoko had some decent ammo with the Tanabata wish, so she likely had more guts than she would’ve been, but it’s still impressive nonetheless.

Sasaki Fuuka–putting a new spin on the term “victim-blaming”.

Komiyama can be the reasonable one while Tomoko is the crazy pervert, or Tomoko can be the reasonable one while Komiyama is the crazy pervert.

But the universe just can’t have both be reasonable or perverted at the same time.

As someone who knows jacksh*t about sports, I have to admit that this is an interesting fun fact if it can be applied to the popularity of real-life sports teams and cheer squads.

I could totally see this becoming a meme in the Watamote fandom. Anyone?

These moments of zero dialogue, sometimes a whole page’s worth, excel at immersing the reader into the story. Suddenly, you’re not just reading about characters in a story. You’re now experiencing first hand what’s like to be at a baseball game, with a few familiar faces from the band and cheer teams making it feel a lot more lively.

If it weren’t for all the wonderful peeps on Reddit, I never would’ve caught that this is the same baseball manager we’re seen periodically since the beginning of the series. You know, the one Tomoko did that fake dub for?

Perhaps I’ll call her...Beta!Nemo.

A PSA to all you non-sports fans: You can now pretend to be interested in your favorite high-school teams just by tuning into your local service provider.

Go, Harajuku Makuhari!

You know, I think I mentioned before that I wasn’t sure what Komiyama’s career prospects were.

Now I’ve got a clue.

Yo, I could feel that pain from my screen.

For a second, I thought this was Reina, given we can’t see her eyes and that she’s manspreading (sounds like something she would do). But then I pictured her actually signing up for cheerleading and...yeah, no.

Not to sound all pretentious if you already know, but cheerleading really is one of the most difficult, dangerous, and underappreciated sports there is. In addition to all the physical risks, you have to maintain an endlessly cheery disposition, even when it’s hard. That’s why I call it the “customer service job” of the sports industry.

The go-to method to keep your in-story sports team at peak realism:

Unwavering mediocrity.

As opposed to them hurrying up and win? Quite the pessimist you are, Tomoko...

not.

As startling as it is to hear these words come out of Tomoko’s mouth, it’s not entirely unfounded. For all her negative worldviews, crude behavior, and general apathy, the one thing that has always been constant about Tomoko is that she knows things can be better and she wants things to be better. She never got the chance to really strive for it back then when she had nothing to latch onto. But now that she’s got friends, Tomoko realizes that she can feasibly make some of those ideals a reality.

Their unbridled admiration is sweeter than diabetes.

Insert long-winded discussion of a related social phenomenon that probably exists, but the author is too lazy to research here.

She...didn’t deny it.

Character development...I guess?

I was wondering where Tomoko would draw the line on her slut-shaming towards Fuuka. Granted, it’s probably easier to feel empathy when you can see that shit happening from other people rather than yourself.

But seriously, Katou? Pimping out your friend? You terrify me more and more with each passing chapter.

See what I’ve been getting at? Tomoko knows that realistically speaking, her summer is probably not going to be anything extraordinary. Inconveniences will occur, moments of boredom will arise, and missed opportunities will transpire. But as I’ve reiterated time and again, even those “plain” experiences can become delightful memories when shared with those you care about.

That’s going to be a crucial feeling from this point on, it looks like. ‘Cause based on Yuri’s expression, she may have the most difficulty resonating with that kind of emotion. Let's see just how Yuri handles an expanding social circle–Tomoko included–that’s a little more bright-eyed than she is.

We’re in the seventh inning stretch of Tomoko’s third year, and time will only tell if it ends in a victory.

#watamote #watamote review #chapter 166 #no matter how i look at it it's you guys' fault i'm not popular!#tomoko kuroki #asuka katou #akane okada #yuri tamura #mako tanaka #kotomi komiyama #hikari itou #hina nemoto #sakaki fuuka #emiri uchi #review

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light-of-being · 6 years ago

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a very fkin long and incomplete exposition of my flaws as a human being

I've not really spoken about the probably most consequential event in my recent life (the ending of a long term relationship), and that's because I haven't really thought about it very much. At least, not in a clear-headed space not entirely filled with rage, fear, or initially, longing. So, I've mostly just been waiting for the intensity of those responses to wear out before I can go back and make sense of things in a sorta 'safe' way.

(These days it's mostly anger and/or hurt. Sometimes twinges of hatred, but those fizzle quickly. I know that attitude isn't 'true'. I tried to hate him, I really did. Things would be so much simpler that way — an obvious villain of pure evil, a mistake worthy of contempt. Put him behind me as someone I regret meeting and consider everything only as a flashing warning sign of what to avoid next time. But real life never is that easy, is it.)

Regardless, reading about miscellaneous psychological ~stuff, I realised that I know for sure now that there are sides of me that only come out in a close relationship, as they postulate. It's unfortunate that my exposure to this was only in such a toxic environment, and I'm not sure if or when closeness has any chance of happening again.

I suspect, based on what I have/haven't felt with him vs others, that I can (at least at this stage of my development) only really feel 'seen' by an antisocial/narcissist/schizoid (or something in that general direction), just hope to god it's a mature one next time. I might want to interrogate and possibly change that fact, I'm not sure it's at all a healthily arrived preference. But...

there is a degree of normalcy and social belonging in others that becomes a wall

I can relate superficially, cognitively and even 'deeply personally' (tho is all y'all's deeply personal shit necessarily relational?), have a good time and even feel 'connection' but there are parts that seem simply insurmountable.

The lack of relating to many things is the unifying factor between me and the specified groups: the shared experience of not having shared experiences

But yet, a more acute awareness of superficiality, and the drives and mechanics of human interactions, attitudes, identity and constructs, not taken for granted as default but built from the ground up (Most often out of either necessity or a desire to manipulate them, but still).

Actually, most straightforwardly, the shared experience of experiencing oneself as an outsider to society — whether people personally, accepted norms or expected attitudes towards self and other.*

Anyway, that was a whole semi-tangent I went off on (useful and relevant to the initial thought but not the point I was planning on).

Important point was...ah yes, insights!

...into how I behave under genuine relational circumstances. Due to aforementioned toxicity, I'm not sure how generalisable they are to relationships overall, but they should generalise to feeling-states.

(a) Fear. Defensiveness.

Switches off my brain. Obvious? No. I have been actively strategic while having a gun pointed at me. I thought I had that down. Turns out, I cannot dissociate myself out of an argument most of the time.

Turns out, just the fact or even prospect of arguing activates panic and brain goes out the window. Which is really fucking stupid as an occurrence because how many of these could be prevented with a bit of mindfulness and thoughtful responding. But getting emotions to chill out for long enough to do that is tough.

(b) I am a stubborn dumbass. Kid me argued until they were attacked so harshly that they absolutely could not continue. The alternative presented was to just keep silent, one I did not then and do not now accept. Discussion where both parties partake in good faith have generally been fruitful, only neither of these situations were that. Both involved one person trying to dominate at all costs. To which I suppose keeping silent for the moment and then running tf away is an appropriate response. Idk. I'm not sure if this is a 'normal situation' to which I respond unhealthily, or an 'abnormal situation' in which you just do your best to survive. Arguments are normal. Idk if other people have a less aggressive approach that is less outright terrifying, in which I can modulate, but it does seem like people want to prove you wrong and get angry, which I perceive as aggression.

Which brings me to boundaries. Can I shut things down when I'm overwhelmed. In the present case, the answer was no. They both didn't stop and the fact that I asked for this was interpreted as admission of defeat.Oftentimes, getting out of the situation was more of an ordeal than dealing with it. [We stayed at a hotel the one time and he did things that made me very uncomfortable (in like a “things that I shudder at thinking about even now” kind of way; not sexual btw which this has made it sound). I thought I was as clear as I could’ve been by saying, “I’m going to legit have a breakdown if you keep doing that” but apparently it came across as a joke (gotta improve on communication as well). He stopped and apologised when he realised I was crying, but later blamed me for not being more assertive and laughed at my ‘exaggerated’ response and “meltdown”. At this point I wanted to leave and go home, but he withheld [my copy of] the key. He insisted and manipulated and coerced for discussion, said I could have the key if I “really wanted it, but do I actually want that”, until it was just easier to give in. The helplessness and feeling trapped of that evening haunts me to this day, and I want to be very sure to never be in any situation where that is even a possibility again no matter what.]

I need to get better at knowing what is and isn't okay and being strong enough to enforce that.

(a) Attachment is a bitch. Utterly unfamiliar sensation, one I don't know my way around at all. The rarity of relation makes it seem so fucking precious, so fucking necessary to protect even to my detriment and his. Dare I tip the boat or will it sink. Should I be the dancing monkey to keep it from sinking. Should he.

(b) The feeling of giving a damn what someone thinks of me is also foreign and difficult. It also seems hella intensified by virtue of not existing elsewhere. Disapproval feels devastating. Criticism becomes attack. Everything feels like a continuous effort to establish worth. I'd imagined acceptance could be taken for granted, but I questioned it the whole way (obviously doesn't help when he demands changes).

(c) I have trouble distinguishing between personal issues and insecurities and legitimate reason to be upset. I think this is typical. But with trial and error, one can probably pick up on what you carry with you across differing people and circumstances. I don't have that data. I have nothing to compare against. I also suspect some parts of this is him treating legitimate reasons as being my distorted perceptions, which I'm pretty sure did happen for a few things that I believe are 'objectively' shitty.

I trust. Too. Fucking. Much. I take shit at face value. This is very often dumb and...bad in literally every sense, but I don’t yet know how to identify preemptively when that's the case. I also fail to be adequately 'suspicious' I guess to be alert to minor inconsistencies later on. Lies are especially devastating. I built my reality around you using that fundamental premise. Now you tell me it was false all along. Where does that leave me? I go back to substitute and nothing makes sense. I don't know if the initial statement was a lie or the claim that it's false was. I don't know if everything I remember is just distorted somehow. I don't know what to do. (aside: gaslighting? I’m inclined to say “effectively, yes”. The best explanation I have is that for many things he rewrote the narrative in his own mind and does not remember the things that blatantly contradict it. For other things, I cannot see that being possible and am forced to think it’s just pure lies). All of this could have been prevented if I accounted for people being dishonest.

(a) I lose sympathy. Genuinely did not ever expect this to happen. Enough hurt, enough deception and I stop trying to understand why. I assume malice. I expect malice in future interactions and misread situations as a result. In the beginning I made fucktons of effort to be understanding of things far from my typical range (hello, admissions of past violence and present homicidal ideation. Hello, talking someone out of real intention of ruining a person's life over a minor slight). Honestly, I think I overreached. Some of these things were not things I should have tolerated, accepted even. When I started walking on eggshells to not have him ruin my life, too, that was probably when I should've gotten out. He claimed that the people he cares about are exceptions. That's probably true, otherwise I would currently be in a ton of shit. But at some point I did stop believing it.

(b) I don't really think that most of the things that happened were malicious. Some, he admits, were. But mostly he wasn't out with the intention to hurt me, but he also didn't make the effort...not to. Even with me repeatedly complaining about things, he was defensive or dismissive, considering me talking about an issue to be me creating issues in his life. This is super shitty, his damage is caused by a stubborn ego fixation and sheer passivity, thoughtlessness (he has agreed to all of this in our final conversation), but it isn't exactly intentionally malicious. If he genuinely didn't believe there was a problem, that is an issue, and the fact that he utterly failed until the end to even consider the possibility of a valid complaint, is a very real flaw. He is bad insofar as "he is lazy and incompetent at being good". Which I can understand but nevertheless protect myself from. Ideally, sooner. At the point where I start feeling like someone is being shitty more often than not, something needs to happen. A discussion, a reconsideration, a run-as-fast-as-you-can... Something.

Idk. This isn't everything. But yeah.

* These 3 PDs are often used in illustrating the idea of pathologising difference: few of the criteria are about subjective distress and many about extrinsic value judgements of what a person should be like (lol, my clinical psych final had an essay question on this). I don't necessarily agree but it does speak to a shared thread of...something. That said, this characterisation is tbh still too broad for my liking. Importantly, it is definitively applicable to autistic people but I do not in general relate to that in the same way. Some specific manifestations of it, yes, but I have seen far too many excessively... 'human' autistic people to include the whole category. There are probably folks in the PD categories who are also like that but I think much less common.

#personal #emotions #reflections #relationships #personality disorder #possible tw abuse idk #if you're actually interested in reading probably best to do so tomorrow #not sure why I'm posting now in the first place #will reblog when I update #also needs links those are important

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nekodracones · 5 years ago

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How to Run a Team, as Instructed by A Shitty Leader

So you have a team. You know that you need to recruit to replace the slackers. You know that you need to enforce rules and keep your remaining cats in line. You know that you need to Exhibit Leadership Qualities.

But how?

At this point I should remind you that when I say ‘leader’, I mean that I have some really terrible innate leadership instincts, not that I actually ran teams into the ground by leading them. If you read this post-

- I wasn’t exaggerating. I had been leader of my team then for minutes at a time, when my leader forgot himself and accidentally promoted me on occasion. Maybe that qualifies me for both definitions of the word!

However, in the two years I helped to run my team, said team has had fewer than 5 teammates leave for a different team because they were dissatisfied with how things were in our team.

I should clarify that not all these points describe how we ran our team, but rather how I wish we could have. It’s often not possible to stick to all these pointers; but we must all do the best we can. I don’t help to run that team, now; I’m not even on that team. Even so, I feel like the points below are mostly universally applicable and honestly pretty common-sense.

Sometimes, we all just need a reminder. Who better than this shitty leader who needed constant conscious introspection and reasoning to lead a team?

...---...

BASICS

1. Know your team. Take the time to get to know your most active members, and then take the time to reach out to and speak to your less active members. This helps to build a bond between you and your individual members. It’s helpful to make your teammates feel like they can come to you when they have concerns.

2. Know your leadership. Your officers, your leader- these are the people who will be supporting you in the weeks and months to come. It is important to ensure that all of you can trust each other to come forward with opinions you may have. Keep your lines of communication open so all of you are aware of what’s happening within the team at any one given time.

3. Help your team know each other. It’s good to have at least one common chat open for game discussion and socialisation. This helps your team get to know each other better and build stronger bonds of community that make this social game a much more fun one to play. - You can opt to separate the two, to cater to people who may want a pure game-related chat. Ensure that you police the division between game-related and social chatter. The upside of this is that you can add random people and alumni to your social chat and not have to worry about them SPYING on your team. My old team’s social still manages to be one of my favourite chats in LINE. - Speaking of LINE, some teams choose to use Discord, WhatsApp, or Slack as messaging alternatives. I’m fond of LINE, as it’s the most popular messaging app and is hence more convenient for getting in touch with people who aren’t on your team. It’s also anonymous, which is important for some people to feel comfortable. - Starting weekly team calls is something that many teams choose to do. It, however, often falls to leadership to initiate and begin such a team tradition, so it’s less socially pressuring for teammates to join and establish such a habit. Feel free to inform your team beforehand so they can set aside time, if they’re interested.

4. Know your partners. Particularly relevant for Atlas teams, know your 5ta leadership well and get to know your extended alliance’s leaders well, when you get the chance. Atlas is a political game, except it’s politics are based on who you’re friends with, and who will vouch for you. It may sound scary, but really it’s just about making friends with the people you want to be friends with.

...---...

MINIMUMS AND EXPECTATIONS

5. Set your rules and guidelines. And then make them clear and accessible in the team wiki, LINE notes, or otherwise. Ensure your team is aware of them. A good team is one that expects all it’s members to adhere to the same standards, and a clearly visible set of guidelines is key in enforcing that. 6. Ensure that your new recruits are aware of these expectations. Again, no matter their size, it’s important to hold everyone to the same standards. Make sure that you’ve impressed this upon your new recruits so they aren’t surprised when they join.

7. Be flexible. This may seem to stand at a counterpoint to the last two points, but it’s important to recognise that at the end of the day, War Dragons is only a game, and real life can often get in the way of us fulfilling in game obligations. I personally emphasised that if anyone was aware they wouldn’t be able to meet minimums for any particular week, it would be fine to seek clemency in advance. If they don’t meet minimums without letting you know, consider asking what’s up before booting them. For longer periods of time, though, consider discussing moving them off the team, to keep it fair to the rest of the team.

8. Think about why you’re setting certain minimums and policies. Sometimes, leaders may choose to set minimums arbitrarily without considering why exactly they’re doing so. - Personally, I never set minimums for Fort and Breed- I wanted my members to be able to progress the way they wish instead of arbitrarily spending resources to get points. - Troop minimums made very little sense for our team- we had recruited a team of responsible people who knew how to manage their troops, and we didn’t want to stop people from sniping their little hearts out. This team I speak of is currently ranked amongst and above a majority of diamond teams for troops killed, now. - Bank policies are good to think about- how can you make them fair for your team? Do you want people to pay taxes, or submit donations, or otherwise? Does it make sense to restrict food and wood withdrawals outside of fort and breed? How can you make the distribution system fair? - I made a post about PvP minimums here, too, if you want to look into this topic further.

9. Give your teammates a voice. Make sure that they’re aware that they can speak up if they agree or disagree with certain policies, minimums, and expectations. This helps your teammates feel included and cared about.

...---...

RECRUITMENT AND REPLACEMENT

10. Recruitment: Long Term vs Short Term. This is an important consideration for any team, and you should consider your team’s specific situation to make a decision on this. Anything I say in this section holds true for merges, as well, btw. - Long term recruitment: You hold off on many meh recruits for those recruits you want to keep and grow, in the long term. The downside of this is that you’ll probably be waiting a long time. - Short term recruitment: You go through new recruits by constantly upgrading to newer, better models. The downside of this is that you’ll probably destabilise your team’s social fabric in the long term by making so many changes to your roster in short order. 11. What makes your team attractive? This may be quite duh, but, what sets your team apart from everyone else’s standard egg tokens, castles, etc.? Every team has those. What makes you different? Capitalize on these to stand out to new recruits. Also please stop with the one-note recruitment posters, unless you have fun making them. Then carry on.

12. Give the people you’re replacing time to find new teams. With few exceptions, these are players who have contributed to making your team what it is today. As much as possible, give them a few days to find a new team. 13. Vet your recruits well. Remember, these are people you’re letting onto your team. What they do and how they behave will directly affect your team’s performance. You can spare an hour to just chat with them and get a better feel of their personality and how they will fit on your team, beyond their game performance. 14. Make your recruits feel welcome. Take the time to go through team conventions and rules with them when they first join. They may be from a very different team environment. Check in with them often in the first week to see how they’re settling in. It’s good to send out a weekly mail to introduce everyone to each other, to ease transitions into the team.

...---... EVENTS AND ATLAS 15. Be gracious. Don’t take losses personally, and don’t gloat (too much or publicly! Have some fun!) over your wins. Leadership’s attitude towards any occurrence in the game will affect team morale. Other people’s opinions are secondary, but they’re entitled to what they think, too. Accept this as well.

16. Your team comes first. Ahead of your personal interests. Ahead of the interests of your friends on other teams. You’re responsible for the gameplay and enjoyment of 49 other people. Please don’t be that team that does officer only guard swaps, or sets up farm bases to swap with another team without informing your members. This also means that you can and should feel free to ignore opinions by other teams, on your team. They matter far less, so long as your team is happy. You know your team best, and haters gonna hate.

17. Be certain of how you want to play your game. There’s no shame in sandbagging. There’s no shame in choosing to target only certain teams in PvP. There’s no shame in sniping. Are you certain you want to take a gifted castle? Are you certain you want to swap guards? Are you certain you want to help in this failed raid? There’s no shame in playing the game as you are allowed to play it. All that matters is that your team is in agreement, and you can reconcile how you play with your conscience.

18. Do what makes you and your team happy. You don’t need to be efficient to enjoy your game. As long as your team is fine with it, go pirate your little hearts out! Sandbag away! The world is your oyster!

19. Form your own opinions. In this age of some pretty propagandised Atlas movements, consider what you’ve personally observed of the subjects at hand and form your own opinions based on that instead of listening in to gossip. You’ll be much happier distancing yourself and your team from drama, too. 20. Think long term. If you agree to gate this T4, you’ll get a T4, but in the long term, will your team’s troop loss be worth it? If you don’t participate in Atlas battles with your alliance, what happens when you’re forced on defence?

21. Stay humble. No team is the best in every single category. There’s always something new to learn from everyone else. Some pride in your team is good, but too much is hubris. It results in things like teams threatening to destroy other teams and getting destroyed instead. Conversely...

22. Keep your own counsel. If you play your cards close to your chest, this is how you become that team that destroys all bragging comers. Crouching tiger, hidden dragon!

23. Be proud of your team. This may seem contradictory, but you know your own team’s strength best. Confidence boosts your team’s morale, and increases activity.

24. Communicate early. If you have a guard swap coming up, give a few days’ of notice. If you need people online for a mega wave at the end of a fight pits round, tag in advance. If you’re going to change minimums for the week for any given reason, give notice. This gives time for people to discuss any concerns they may have about changes with you.

25. Lead by Example. Leading a team is a thankless job, but in return you get the respect and recognition of all your teammates. This means they will look to you to embody a platonic ideal of the team they love. Make sure that you’re helping them open paths in TR, that you’re supporting them for XP runs, and that you’re right there with them hitting low glory teams to open paths. That’s all I can think of for now. If you have other topics/points to add on, feel free to PM/submit an ask to me so I can add it.

#opinion #catpost #maingame #atlas #minimums #guide

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ajora · 6 years ago

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Continuation of Japanese play-through of FF5 Advance. I spent more time than I needed to on leveling, so the usual things that would give me problems generally... aren’t problems, really. Anyway, commentary and screencaps under cut.

What has gone before: The Wind Crystal shatters under mysterious circumstances, the other elemental Crystals basically powering the world are in danger, King Tycoon is floating around with some weird aura and disappears suspiciously soon after the Wind Crystal’s in shards, and it’s up to the Light Warriors to save them all.

So, after the Wind Crystal shatters, it’s off to Tule for sake for the pirates and the key to the Torna Canal for the party. Faris joins the crew in the pub, leaving the party to roam on their own.

One of the pirates declaring his love for the captain is the first real hint that Faris is way too pretty to be your average sea dog. This gets to be kind of a small running joke--you see him again later.

So, in looking for Faris, the party comes across her sleeping in the upstairs room and the guys promptly fall in love.

FF5 has always had a bit of a weird history with localizations--it got skipped over when FF4 and FF6 were released in the US as FF2 and FF3. This is probably part of the reason why: two of the guys are attracted to someone who’s passing as a guy and has been for the past 15 years of her life, and basically no one is 100% straight in this game. Prove me wrong.

Anyway, Faris wakes up, chases them out and locks them out, and the party goes to the builder of the canal for the key. As the Wind Crystal was sealing monsters in the canal, I’m assuming its shattering means that the canal was locked up for safety.

After some run-around about how Zokk doesn’t have the key really, mostly for Lenna’s safety, he gives it to Butz.

The next day, Faris leaves her crew behind to hold down the base, because she’s a Light Warrior and is deeply invested in reuniting Lenna and her dad now and trying to figure out why she and Lenna have the same pendant and why King Tycoon probably looks so familiar. And evidently she’s taking her ship with her, so they’re left to either row to base or hike.

On the way to the canal linking Tycoon waters to Walse, Lenna explains that if the Crystals all shatter, the world will die. So that’s exciting. Galuf is gonna protect the Crystals even if he doesn’t remember a thing about why he’s there, Faris barges in with her own search for Lenna’s father, and Butz is the last to be on board.

Two things: 1) I appreciate the use of oyaji there. It’s just so... informal/extremely familiar in a way that can be considered rude (essentially, “old man” is a common translation), and fits well with Faris’ speech; 2) without knowing about Faris’ relation to Lenna and Alexander Tycoon or that she’s missing the first 5 years of her life, it’s really easy to read this as just her being very invested in getting her ransom for the princess.

The Wind Crystal being shattered not only means that there’s no wind anymore, but also that the monsters sealed in the canal are all loose. The gang gets caught in a whirlpool caused by a boss monster.

Fun fact: my leveling practices generally means that my party gets rid of monsters often before the monsters can get a hit in. In my first play-through 23 years ago, I missed the NPC that said that the canal monsters target only women and, as a result of over-leveling, missed that they would only be hitting Lenna and Faris. The upcoming revelation was a bit of a surprise.

With my party at level 11, Karlabos falls pretty easily.

Karlabos doesn’t completely die, and Syldra essentially sacrifices himself to save Faris and the ship. Faris is all ready to jump in after him, but is held back by Butz and Galuf.

This scene is part of the FMV sequence in the PSX release. Sure the CGI was dated even back then, but the FMV sequence felt like a little gift--if you played the game before, you recognize all the scenes. I really wish FF5 was more popular than it was, just so it could have better remakes/sequels.

With the massive, 30 meter long sea dragon that pulled it along gone, the ship drifts in the currents. The guys leave her alone while Lenna tries to comfort her with the idea that Syldra must surely still be alive.

Interesting, isn’t it, how both Faris and King Alexander Highwind* Tycoon seem to have spiritual bonds to dragons. Almost like it’s a whole thing that might be relevant.

* The first appearance of the Highwind name is Ricard Highwind in Final Fantasy 2. He’s a dragon knight/dragoon who develops a bond with a dragon. The next occurrence of the Highwind name is Kain in FF4. According to Japanese texts, FF5′s Alexander Highwind was supposed to be a dragon knight, too.

So anyway, tl;dr: my assumption is that any Highwind or their kid is capable of forging bonds with dragons.

The ship finally slows to a stop at a Ship Graveyard. The gang disembarks, roams through all the derelict ships, and come across a problem: a pirate weirdly concerned about getting wet. Faris’ wording reads as uncertain, but she goes along anyway.

The gang comes up to a dry spot and the guys disrobe to dry off their clothes. Faris resists and this is where we find out that Faris is, at least physically, assigned female gender based on the presence of boobs. Her identity is slightly more grayish, as she does acknowledge that she’s a woman but passes as male to avoid mockery. Also, I love how Butz’s response is just... yeah, it doesn’t matter what Faris identifies as, Faris is Faris.

As Faris comes out of a long East Asian tradition of fictional and folkloric cis women assuming male identity to gain access to male privilege and I am not personally East Asian in any way except through extremely distant blood relations (Asian populations moving in to populate North America some few thousand years ago, to be exact), I am not going to claim her as trans. This is not to say that people can’t do so themselves, but... this is not my culture, this is not my claim to make.

That said, as a baby gay 23 years ago, I saw Faris as an Oscar-type, was pleased as punch that she’s not a cis guy, and fell in love and am still in love to this day.

The gang finally makes it to dry land and come across weird people from their past appearing out of nowhere. Butz sees his deceased mom, Lenna sees her father, and Faris seems to see him too and tries to run after Lenna. The neat thing about this is that the king doesn’t actively address anyone the way the other illusions do. Also, he’s just as formal as you’d expect. They both fall under the spell.

Brb going back in time to hit my teenage self with a clue-by-four.

Galuf, though he sees a mysterious girl calling him grandpa, doesn’t fall under Siren’s illusion spell because he genuinely doesn’t remember the girl. He resists Siren’s offer to let him go because these whippersnappers are his companions, wakes them up, and Siren falls almost depressingly quickly.

So it’s off to Carwen. There are some interesting nuggets of worldbuilding here, but the screenshot is a bit of flavor relevant to my fic specifically: 50 years ago, the sky dragons were used in a war and died. The one belonging to King Tycoon is the only survivor. Also, the purple flowers in the North Mountain are poisonous, no one can sail anywhere without the wind, and some kook saw an armored sky dragon flying to North Mountain.

Lenna figures that if her father’s dragon is injured, it will go to the North Mountain for dragongrass (this can also translate to dragon weed btw). They can then take the dragon with them to Walse.

Next time: Lenna demonstrates her ability to get into pretty much any predicament and nearly gives Faris a heart attack as a result.

#ajora plays ff5 #final fantasy v #final fantasy 5 #ffv #ff5 #favorite game

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insidemesriram-blog · 6 years ago

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Usagi Drop (Bunny Drop)

Usagi Drop is a breath of fresh air from the copious amounts of fan service, placid character structures, and excessive more that permeates anime series of recent times. It’s a rare series (from my limited knowledge) that touches upon issues in a serious and honest manner, while simultaneously having the ability to subtly include right amounts of lightheartedness and humor that prevents the series from adopting too heavy an atmosphere. There exists a synergy and expert balance rare in such a form that weaves an empathizing and heartwarming tale.

The series ultimately follows the interactions and time passing by two characters, Rin (6-years-old) and Daikichi (20-some-years-old). Rin’s father, who happens to be Daikichi’s grandfather, passes away and leaves Rin an orphan. Beginning with the funeral, the series uses the strange relationship between Daikichi and Rin (who met for the first time at the funeral) as a device to bring these two characters together, not as some scandalous drama tool.

What carries the series through every episode is the priceless bond Rin and Daikichi share. Rin is modest, caring, independent, and responsible. She’s very mature but then not without those traits which you find ever-present in kids around her age. Joyful, curious, and downright adorable! Needless to say, her expressions are genuine signs of love and appreciation, even for something like a poor attempt at tying pigtails. How she feels shows on her face clear as a sunny day, and boy does it knock me off my chair. But the most essential role in bringing out all these sides of Rin is Daikichi.

Daikichi’s a very straightforward guy, both in personality and appearance. On top of that, he’s nurturing, compassionate, and protective. A little awkward at times, but it comes with the job. He juggles his new responsibilities well with work and still manages to maintain a good relationship with those around him through his earnest and kind disposition. His fondness for Rin is apparent, but only in a fatherly kind of manner. Though Daikichi is just as inexperienced in caring for a young girl as the next “first father,” what you get is a middle aged guy just trying to do his best to provide for himself and his new little house warmer.

I consider the greatest strengths of Usagi Drop lie in the series’ attention to minute details and micro-decisions that attribute to the overall feel. Usagi Drop definitely is not a show driven by grand plot twists or high production values. Rather, the series comes across as down to earth, easy to relate to, and warm. This is mainly seen through two forms: the artistic form and the background music.

Most notably, soft watercolour-esque scenes start out each episode before the opening song rolls. It’s really a nice way of preceding the bulk of the episode. Character designs are markedly simplistic but there’s no need to fuss over it. With some added touches of realism, it’s nice knowing they do change clothes each day and night and that Daikichi does grow a stubble if he doesn’t shave every day like any other grown man. The backgrounds are subtle yet detailed; from pavement cracks to packaged market meat, everything in view is easy on the oculars.

Music-wise, Usagi Drop expertly deals with various renditions of both the opening and closing songs as well as numerous piano melodies and environnmental acoustics that constantly match and support many, if not all, occurrences on screen. It is this fundamentally understated role that the BGM upholds that makes it so valuable. Though the BGM is not always the most fun or melodious soundtrack to listen to sans-visuals, composer Matsutani Suguru sacrifices the “listen-to-my-epic-music-like-hans-zimmer” factor to solidly act as sentimental and emotional base for Usagi Drop. The opening/ending songs, on the contrary, are quite different. Both a intrinsically very cheery jingles, where the opening was catchy enough for me to warrant listening to it every time biked to class.

Neither the art or music are really the strengths that propel this series to be so wonderful, though both must be given due credit since they are both significant and great contributors. What really shines through every episode is the dialogue, both in its spoken and written forms. Ayu and Tsuchida’s performances as the voices of Rin and Daikichi leave little more to be asked for. Thanks to them and all the other seiyuus, the talking that goes on in the show becomes one of its strengths. For example, in one episode, Daikichi and Harumi, Reina’s mom, have a serious discussion about Harumi’s marital problems which is eavesdropped on by Rin. But noticing this, Reina takes her aside and shows her how she copes when mom and dad don’t get along. Not something seen every day, you get both the child and parent’s perspectives of when things aren’t going so smoothly at home. Really, kids are keen in times like that and it’s great to see that the anime picks up on this detail. And it’s not only those I’ve listed who have depth of character but everyone has their own charm about them and grows, if just a little, in their own way in the span of only a year.

A live-action version of Usagi Drop was announced recently, and the film’s promotional video admittedly looks good (not only in terms of acting/casting, but also the COLORS. I am curious to see if similar emotions and atmosphere can be achieved with real acting and cinematography. An advantage that is partially (not solely) given to the animated form of storytelling through it’s flexibility and ability to present artistic renditions of any scene. Though live-action productions have that option in set design and character make-up, certain creative choices are limited by the fact that if we stray too far from what we can naturally perceive as “real,” we become emotionally detached from the experience (btw, Mana Ashida is way too cute as Rin).

What truly makes Usagi Drop successful lies in the way it captures life, even with all of its insignificancies. Natural happenings such as waking up irritable and half alert, washing your teeth, brushing your face, and fumbling to find your valuables are daily occurances that are more often than not, omitted in popular entertainment in trying to create an idealized pseudo reality that is far more attractive. These normal experiences, however, are things that everyone can relate to (but are often not shared with others, because who actually cares?). Compiled and mixed with moments in our lives that are boring, we come to appreciate the novel manner in which our lives are interwoven, and how the patchwork of both happy and sad thoughts. Usagi Drop thus personifies ‘life,’ not neglecting the special moments that we treasure, but remembering that special moments are special because others are not. Through this, we as viewers are able to really connect with the characters and their story on a more personal level.

Then of course, spliced in between those bits of irrelevance are the undoubtedly meaningful moments to be remembered. And we want to save those precious moments by documenting them. It’s in our nature to try and preserve the best times of our lives in some form or another.

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