#this is chapter 6. and it is 20-25k words long. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hellimagines · 5 years ago

Text

Collateral -- JJ Maybank (Part One)

Masterlist

Summary: JJ’s stunt with Barry bites him in the ass when the angry drug dealer kidnaps you and decides you’re JJ’s collateral for the stolen money.

Warnings: kidnapping, violence, angst, mentions of child abuse and drug use

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!Routledge!reader

Word Count: 4,800+

A/N: I started writing this after binge-watching Outer Banks, and before I knew what was happening, I had written 20 pages of this and hadn’t even gotten to the climax… So, this has clearly been broken up into parts. I have part two already finished, and I’m almost finished with part three, but I’m not uploading them tonight because I want this to see the light of day first, and gain some love before I do anything. Please let me know what you guys think of this! I know there isn’t a lot of mushy-feely stuff in this chapter, and it’s mainly angst but, I had so much fun writing this, so please give it a chance and tell me what you think. Also, it’s canon divergent because I tweaked the DCS storyline and everything after John B. finds the first gold bar.

Your shift at The Wreck had been a long and strenuous one, more so than usual, because Kie hadn’t shown up for her night shift which left you to pull a double and cover for her. In your opinion, the nighttime customers were always worse than the morning customers since they typically consisted of kooks and tourons who expected the best of the best and nothing less. You had a short fuse, similar to your boyfriend, and would often get snippy with customers who complained about trivial things: their drinks having too much ice, their salad too much dressing, or their Chef’s Board not enough cheese or the wrong kind of cheese. Kie’s dad kept you on morning and afternoon shifts as much as possible due to the locals of The Cut coming to the cafe during those times, and your ability to make them feel at home while they ate their toast and sipped their coffee. So, having to work a night shift unexpectedly without a break from your morning shift left you feeling exhausted and detached from the world.

As peeved as you were with Kie for pulling a no-call-no-show, you were more worried than anything; especially when you noticed JJ wasn’t waiting outside to walk home with you like he normally was. You hadn’t heard from any of the other pogues since yesterday, when you had to go to work and they went over to Crain Mansion in search of the gold. You would’ve gone with them, but you couldn’t risk missing another day of work and possibly being fired. After your shift yesterday (and noticing the lack of blond curls outside the cafe), you had headed home with the plan to meet up with your friends and learn of any new updates--but, when you arrived, nobody was there. You waited around for the rest of the day, but when 10 o’clock rolled around and nobody had shown, you retreated to your bedroom and fell asleep. When you had woken up around 5 a.m to get ready for your shift at work, you were relieved to find JJ curled around you fast asleep, and your brother, Sarah, Kie, and Pope passed out together on the futon in the living room. They had a pot cradled between the four of them, but you thought nothing of it as you got ready for work. You left behind a note, asking them to stop by The Wreck when they woke up to fill you in on whatever you had missed, but they had never shown up.

Now, as you locked up The Wreck at the end of your 10 o’clock shift and waved to the cooks and other wait staff as you all parted ways, your worry only increased. The Cut was warm and humid as you made your way toward the chateau, forcing you to shed your work shirt in favor of the tanktop laying beneath. Your hair was pulled into a high-pony, and while it had been sleek and put together at 6 o’clock this morning, you now had frizzed strands falling into your face and the bottom of your hair was sticky from an exploded champagne bottle earlier that night. Your feet ached and your hips felt unbalanced from the constant speed-walking and maneuvering around tables and patrons, and you wanted nothing more than to collapse against JJ in your room and sleep for a solid 12 hours straight. Before you could do that, though, you had to continue your thirty-minute walk to said paradise and make sure everyone was okay.

As you left the hustle and bustle surrounding The Wreck and the docks, and ventured further into The Cut, you felt the tension beginning to ease out of your body at the familiar surroundings. As much as you loved The Wreck, you were not a fan of the kooks and tourons that migrated there throughout the night, bothering you during and after your shifts. As expected, the night held the worst of the batch, with alcohol and other drugs filtering their systems and giving them loose tongues and firm hands. Even though you could handle yourself and those who tried making a move on you, you never felt at ease or safe while leaving The Wreck; unless JJ or your friends were with you and you didn’t have to check over your shoulder every few feet. Crossing the imaginary threshold between The Wreck and The Cut always eased your mind, allowing you to slow your steps and cease checking your shoulder. This was also primarily because on The Cut, people knew who you were--not only as a waitress, a pogue, or (Y/N) Routledge, but as ‘JJ Maybank’s girl’. It pissed you off to no-end that people referred to you as ‘JJ’s girl’ more than your own name and you’d often chew people out on it, but you couldn’t deny the protection (and love and warmth and all-things-JJ) it gave you. You and JJ had been dating for two years, and while you loved him more than life and he loved you more than surfing, you often wished you could be seen as your own person: as (Y/N). Regardless of your annoyance at being solely known as JJ’s girl, as you walked the barely-lit streets of The Cut in nothing but a tank top and shorts, you were appreciative of your unofficial title. Very few people were walking around this late at night, but those who were offered you a simple nod or kept their eyes trained on the ground as you passed by, a complete contrast to the tourons near The Wreck. You expected this to continue until you reached your house, no longer looking over your shoulder for an unwanted kook or a touron that didn’t know the rules.

You turned another corner, now only fifteen minutes away from home, and rolled your shoulders to try and release some of the built-up tension you gained from your shift as you walked. You closed your eyes for a brief moment, letting your muscles relax and a gentle breeze from the ocean to cloud your senses. Just as you were about to open your eyes and continue forward, you heard footsteps approaching you from behind. Your eyes shot open and your body turned but before you could see who it was, you felt the barrel of a gun press against your lower back. The metal was cold against your tank top as it dug into you, the owner’s hand coming up to grab your shoulder and keep you from moving away.

“Maybank shouldn’t be leaving his things unattended, especially ones as pretty as you,” a voice muttered into your ear, jabbing the gun harshly into your spine. You froze, trying to place the voice to a face as you heard a vehicle approach and stop beside you.

“I’m not a thing, actually,” you retorted, keeping the fear out of your voice as the man behind you jerked you forward toward the black SUV. The backdoor swung open, but you couldn’t see who was driving it or if there was anyone else waiting for you inside. “What do you want? JJ isn’t his dad, whatever Luke’s done to piss you off is his own problem, not ours.”

The man laughed sharply in your ear as he shoved you forward, causing you to drop your shirt and tumble off the sidewalk, and your torso to fall into the backseat. You yelled out when the man grabbed your legs and pushed your body into the car, your body bending painfully as he slid in beside you. The door slammed shut and the man backed you into the corner of the SUV, caging your body against the door. Your hand shot down to the door handle, yanking on it to open the door and let you fall out, but it didn’t budge.

“Child lock, snowball. You’re not going anywhere.”

You looked up, finally able to see the man’s face as he grinned down at you. His grill shined each time the SUV passed under a streetlight and the black hair dangling in his face tickled your nose from how close he was. Instantly, you brought your foot up and kicked him in the stomach, pushing him away from you as you struggled to sit up.

“What the fuck do you want, Barry?” you snapped while the dealer across from you laughed loudly and held onto his stomach.

He smirked at you, “I forgot how much of a kicker you were, snowball.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been tryin’ to sell blow to fucking 8th graders,” you shot back, glaring at him. “Now tell me what the fuck you want.”

He raised his hands in surrender, the smirk never falling from his face. “I want my fucking money back. You little shits stole 25k from my goddamn house.”

“What the fuck are you on about? The last time I went to your shithole was a year ago to buy an 8ball,” you scoffed.

“And while I do miss the revenue you brought me during your time as a cokehead, I’m not talking about you, snowball. Your boy, your brother, your brother’s new whore, the ex-kook, and Heyward’s son stole from me. I know you’re too smart and levelheaded to pull a stunt like that, and the ex-kook and her boyfriend have too much going for them to fuck it up by crossing me. This means it was either your boy or your brother,” Barry explained, his jaw tight with anger as he spoke.

“First of all, Kie and Pope have names. Second of all, they’re not dating. Third of all, what makes you think it wasn’t Sarah? From what I’ve heard, the Cameron’s have a history of robbing you blind.”

“Because my sister is too much of a pansy to pull a stunt like this, and she doesn’t even know who the fuck Barry is.” Your head shot up at the new voice, and you made eye contact with Rafe in the rearview mirror. “You dirty pogues have corrupted my sister.”

“I see someone’s been bitched,” you chuckled with a roll of your eyes. Rafe’s foot slammed on the break and caused you to slam into the back of the passenger seat with an oomph. He turned around, his arm already raised to throw a punch, when Barry grabbed it first.

“Chill the fuck out, Country Club. Can’t go beaten on her just yet. Now hurry the fuck up and get us to the hanger.” Rafe’s nostrils flared at Barry’s demand, and after a moment of his fist flexing in Barry’s hold, Rafe relented. He jerked his arm back and continued driving in silence. “Don’t piss off the driver, snowball,” Barry tsked, waving his finger in your face.

“Look, why would JJ or Birdie steal 25 thousand dollars from you? You know how much JJ despises you and your business because of what it’s done to his dad and the hole I fell into last year, and my brother doesn’t even know who the hell you are. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Barry chuckled, “I see they’ve kept you in the dark. Did they tell you about the gold they found? That they tried pawning off to me this morning?” At the frown on your face and your furrowed brows, Barry laughed even harder. “Oh yeah, they brought in a seven-pound chunk of gold to the shop this morning. Offered ‘em a cashier’s check worth a couple thousand, but your boy is quite the negotiator. So, I sent them to the warehouse for the cash they wanted.”

“And let me take a wild-fucking-guess: on their way, you jumped them, stole the gold, and left them with nothing but dirt under their nails?”

Barry grinned at your words, his tongue sliding over his grill as he laughed. “See, this is why they should’ve brought you along! Would’ve saved them from all the trouble they’ve gotten themselves into.”

You rolled your eyes, “Well fuck, no wonder they stole from you. You stole from them first, Barry. An eye for a fucking eye, it’s the way of the jungle ‘round here. It’s the only damn law you follow.”

“You’re right, it is the only law I follow. Which is why you’re here, snowball. You see, before I could complete my task, they jumped me and stole my wallet and the gold. You’re smart, I bet you’re starting to see the problem now. No gold, no wallet, no 25k,” Barry seethed, the smirk falling from his face as he leaned forward, pushing you back into the corner of the seat. “JJ Maybank stole from me, plain as day. If I had seven pounds of gold in my hand it would be different, I wouldn’t be as pissed. But, you see, I don’t. So, as you said, it’s an eye for an eye. And what better to steal from JJ Maybank, than the only thing he cares about? The only thing he owns?”

“He doesn’t own me, so jot that down.”

Barry threw his head back and laughed loudly, shooting an unnerving feeling down your spine. Rafe laughed along, though anyone could tell it was forced as his eyes darted from the mirror to the road. “This entire goddamn island knows that he owns you, snowball, and you damn well know it too. Which means until I get my money back, you’re my collateral.”

The bruises decorating JJ’s torso ached with each step he took, but he had to keep moving toward the chateau: he had to prove to the others that he was good. He had to prove that he could do the right thing with the money he stole. Even if his dad couldn’t do the right thing, and wouldn’t let him back in the house without another beating, JJ could do the right thing and be good. Even if he stole the money it didn’t matter, because Barry stole his life, and Barry didn’t deserve the money, and Barry wasn’t good. The money would pay off his restitution, and you wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore and Pope wouldn’t have to feel guilty or worry about it anymore, either. Nobody would have to worry about him anymore, and it would all be good.

But as JJ limped up the chateau’s steps, repeating to himself that, ‘it was all good, he was good, and everything would be good,’ he wasn’t expecting for the screen door to slam open and for John B. to body slam him into the ground. The blue thermos shot from his grip as he was flung down the stairs, and JJ couldn’t bite back his scream of pain when his already-aching body slammed into the dirt. He didn’t get a second to gather his bearings before John B. was pummeling his fists into his stomach and his arms and his face and anywhere else he could land a hit. JJ couldn’t even lift his legs to fight off his best friend from beating on his twice-battered body.

“This all your fault!” John B. screamed, his face an angry red as tears and spit rained down onto JJ. “He took her because of you!” He ceased his punches only to wrap his hands around JJ’s throat, squeezing and pressing down in an attempt to strangle the life out of his best friend.

Faintly, JJ could hear Pope, Kie, and Sarah screaming, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. His entire body felt cold but his head felt hot, and the buzzing in his ears was growing louder and louder until it was all he could hear. He could see John B.’s face above him, his lips moving as he screamed and sobbed, and JJ could see his own blood splattered on his best friend’s jaw and shirt. Black spots began to dance in front of his eyes, moving inward until he could only see the murderous rage filling John B.’s eyes. Just as the darkness settled over him, he felt John B.’s weight lift off of him and air came rushing back into his lungs. For a few seconds, all JJ could do was choke on the air whilst his body convulsed, and someone rolled him onto his side in a desperate hurry.

“-eathe, breathe JJ, come on.” Someone was talking to him, rubbing their hand up and down his back as he continued to shake. He still couldn’t see anything and he couldn’t tell who was talking to him and rubbing his back and all he really wanted to do was blackout for a bit. A harsh slap against the center of his back had other plans, causing the air to finally force itself into his lungs. JJ began to cough violently, continuing to choke on the air that was now entering his body. He tried pushing himself to his knees as he dry-heaved onto the ground, but his shaking arms and legs were too weak to support him.

Pope was yelling in the background, “Chill the fuck out, JB! You almost killed him!”, his voice bringing JJ’s senses back to where they belonged.

“He fucking deserves it! He’s the reason she’s gone!” John B. yelled back, his voice deeper than JJ could remember. JJ blinked a few times, trying to focus on the bloody grass in front of him while his two friends continued fighting in the distance.

“Hey, just keep breathing,” the person helping him - who JJ now recognized as Kie - soothed, pulling his sweaty hair out of his face as more blood dribbled from his lips. She was upset, JJ could tell by the way her hands were shaking and the sound of wet sniffles every few seconds. He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, who John B. was talking about, but all that came out was a harsh wheeze from his burning lungs and even more blood. “Don’t- don’t say anything. Please, JJ, just… just breathe for a few minutes,” Kie whimpered before a sob slipped from her lips.

He did as she asked and allowed his eyes to close, his body sinking into the ground as he focused on regulating his breathing. After a few minutes, JJ could hear John B. storm inside the chateau, kicking JJ’s crumpled body on his way up the stairs.

“John B., stop it!” Sarah yelled as she followed him inside.

Pope came and knelt in front of JJ, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to help him sit up. “You fucked up, JJ, worse than I ever thought possible,” Pope sighed as he adjusted JJ against the railing.

“What-” JJ broke off to cough into his fist, ignoring the blood that splattered across his hand, “what happened?” His voice was hoarse and barely understandable, but Kie and Pope knew what he was saying.

“You stole twenty-five-thousand dollars from a drug dealer. One of the most nefarious drug dealers on this island, that’s what happened,” Kie said, standing up and pacing in front of the blond. “What did you think was gonna happen, JJ? That he’d let it go?”

“What did he take? The HMS Pogue?” JJ rasped, looking up at his friends in confusion. “(Y/N)’ll be pissed, but we can get it back, or I’ll buy her and John B. a new one with the money.” His thoughts didn’t make sense inside of his pounding head, but he still voiced them regardless.

“How are you so stupid?” Pope yelled, causing JJ to flinch as the other to shot to his feet. “Why would John B. try to kill you over a boat? Don’t you think (Y/N) would be out here yelling at you, too?”

“My girl doesn’t yell, you know that, Pope,” JJ shook his head. “She’s got work and the boat- the boat is all they’ve got left of Big John,” JJ said, coughing a few times. His head was foggy and his vision was still blurry, so he couldn’t see the mentioned boat sitting on the dock to his left.

“No, JJ,” Kie sighed, “Barry didn’t take the HMS. He took (Y/N). He left a note on the van--he wants his money back, plus the gold, and an extra 5k in exchange for (Y/N). He’ll be back in a week to make the trade.”

“He didn’t say what he’d do to her if we don’t give him what he wants but… it’s not something that needs to be said,” Pope whispered as he carefully watched for JJ’s reaction.

A cold chill fell over JJ, causing him to shiver violently despite the warm temperature outside. “You’re lying,” he spat, forcing himself to his feet. Pope and Kie backed up, steering clear of his sudden burst of energy. “You’re fucking lying, she’s not- she’s not gone, he didn’t lay a fucking finger on her. Barry knows better. You just… you just want me to return the money, that’s it, she’s fine, she’s inside right now, she’s-”

“JJ, stop, please,” Kie cried as JJ spun around, tripping over himself in his haste to run up the stairs. Pope grabbed ahold of him before he could make it very far, pulling him away from the house and John B.’s anger. JJ flailed in his grasp, but he was too weak from the lack of oxygen and two beatings his body had just endured, to fight Pope off.

“She’s fine!” he screamed, not noticing the tears that were falling from his eyes. “I told her I would protect her, I promised nobody would ever lay a finger on her! She’s inside, and she’s fine--Barry didn’t fucking touch my girl, you’re lying,” he sobbed, straining against Pope’s hold on his biceps.

“Why would we lie about this?” Kie yelled back, suddenly overwhelmed with having to watch JJ fall apart like this in front of her. “Why would your best fucking friend try and beat you to death if it wasn’t true? Why would the gold have been included in the letter? Huh JJ? Do you think (Y/N) would have ever gone along with something like this?” she screamed, her voice hoarse from crying as well.

“We’re telling the truth, JJ. She’s gone,” Pope said, holding onto JJ even tighter as his thrashing momentarily increased.

JJ let the words wash over him, the truth of his mistake settling deep in his bones. The guilt, and the grief, and the anger weighed him down, and before he could stop himself, he let out a deep, guttural, inhumane scream of agony. Pope couldn’t hold him up anymore as JJ’s knees gave out, his entire body collapsing to the ground while he screamed. His throat burned more than it had before and he didn’t notice when his voice gave out, leaving him a mess on the floor with spit and blood dribbling from his gaping mouth. Pope cradled JJ to his chest, crying into his best friend’s shoulder while Kie fell beside the two, trying to get JJ to breathe again through her own tears.

Half an hour later, you were pulling up beside a hanger at the very back of a storage facility. You knew kooks used this area to store their boats, planes, cars, and other expensive things when they weren’t intending to be used in the near future--so you weren’t surprised when Rafe got out of the van and opened up the hanger, revealing a vintage boat and a handful of different furniture. With hurricane season already underway, and summer having begun, you knew kooks weren’t going to be visiting the storage facility very often, meaning there wasn’t a high hope that someone would stumble across you.

“Welcome to your new home, snowball,” Barry leered, before opening the backdoor and dragging you out of the SUV. He kept the gun pressed against your waist while leading you into the hanger, leaving Rafe to pull the SUV around the corner. It was cold inside, much colder than you were expecting, and you had to fight to keep a shiver from trickling down your spine. “You and I are gonna be real comfortable in here for the next week, maybe longer if your boy doesn’t come through.”

‘He’ll come through’, you thought to yourself, worry spiking inside of you at the mention of JJ. You looked over your shoulder as Rafe came into the hanger and loudly pulled the door down behind him. “So, what? You’re just going to keep me locked up in here until you get what you want? I have a fucking job, Barry. I’ve already called out enough as it is, pulling a no-call-no-show for an entire week is going to get me fired.”

Barry reeled around to stare at you, an incredulous look on his face. “I’ve just kidnapped you and held you at gunpoint, and you’re worried about your damn job?” he asked, waving the gun in front of your face for emphasis.

“Uh, yeah, no shit. My job is the only reason DCS hasn’t snatched me and my brother into the system. Mr. Carrera has agreed to help us maneuver a few technicalities with DCS--so long as I take on extra shifts when needed, and show the fuck up. Plus, a week’s worth of zero tips means bills won’t be paid and stomachs won’t be fed,” you scoffed, knocking the gun away from your face.

“I don’t think you understand the situation you’re in, snowball-”

“Ay, nuh-uh, Country Club. Get your own nickname,” Barry cut in, prompting you to raise your eyebrows.

“But you-”

“Nope. Get your own.”

Rafe paused, glaring down at you in thought, before nodding to himself. “I don’t think you understand the situation you’re in, Maybitch-”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” you groaned, pressing your fingers to your forehead in exasperation. ‘It’s got a nice ring to it, though, and JJ would eat it up… Could even get a laugh out of Pope, I bet,’ you couldn’t help but think.

Barry knocked the gun against Rafe’s shoulder, shutting him up with a look of annoyance. “Your boy has gotten himself in a lotta trouble, 25k worth of trouble. So until I get my fucking money, you’re not going anywhere,” Barry simplified.

You pouted in mock disappointment, “Could you at least write a note to my boss?” Barry groaned with a roll of his eyes before he nodded his head at Rafe and directed him toward something you couldn’t see. “Look, I’m gonna be honest with you, Bear. JJ and the others have probably spent the money already. JJ’s got restitution to pay, Pope has an interview he needs a suit for, Kie’s been wanting a new surfboard, and Birdie’s been wanting to fix up our boat with somethin’ pretty. There’s no way they’d let 25 thousand dollars burn a hole in their pockets.”

Barry chuckled darkly with a shake of his head and turned your body around. He forced you to face the spot he had sent Rafe to, where you saw a metal chair bolted to the ground with Rafe stood beside it. He held a boat chain, a lock, and zip ties in his hands and a wicked grin was cracked along his face. Barry moved your ponytail out of the way so he could lean his chin on your shoulder, taking satisfaction in the way your body trembled. “Trust me, snowball, after they see how well you’ve been treated at Hotel Barry, they’ll find a way to get me my money. And you,” he paused to laugh softly in your ear, “you’ll be providing me all the information I need on where to find the rest of that gold.”

‘I’m so fucked.’

All Writing Taglist (OPEN): @sophster1881 @alilcloudy

#jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks imagines #outer banks x reader #the pogues #the pogues imagine #the pogues imagines #the pogues x reader #outer banks netflix

3K notes · View notes

weterali · 4 years ago

Text

2021 Fic Year in Review

This was fun! Thank you, @radio-chatter, the digging in my files sure brought some surprises!

Total Number Of Completed Works:

Total Word Count:

230k for 20 chapters of a fic I’ve been working on for a year so far, for Assassin’s Creed fandom. I promised myself this would be my first “finish, or forget” work.

Otherwise, 25k words for the published works.

Fandoms I’ve Written In:

Red Dead Redemption II, Mafia, Kingdom Come: Deliverance, Thor, Assassin’s Creed

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

I wrote less than I would like for some WIP of mine. More than I thought I would, considering the total lack of time and energy.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

I wouldn’t say favorite, but for the sake of answering the question, I’d go with The Luckiest Man Alive, RDR2 oneshot about Abigail and Arthur, and in big part about John, although that one isn’t present.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

I take risks every time I publish something in English. I do feel like a simpleton every time I do, but it’s less painful the more I do it.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

If I have goals, I do everything in my power to sabotage them. It’s how I work. I am not proud of it. I don’t have any goals, no! But I’d like to just - continue.

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

The Luckiest Man Alive (RDR2), presumably because it’s in English and the fandom is bigger than my usual ones.

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion:

After careful consideration - and again, for the sake of answering the question, that might be the Czech Mafia series I (miraculously) finished this year. I went through so much research, and the moment I left the safe waters of bromance and relationships, I was kind of abandoned. :D That was also the above mentioned risk, I think.

Most Fun Story To Write:

I enjoyed translating In Caes of Disastur by awesome @brujahinaskirt for KCD fandom the most. It’s been a long time since I translated anything, and this short and gentle dip of my toes left me a giggly mess. I’m glad I overcame the fear.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

I think all the stories say are the obvious things - my preferences for tropes. And if they say anything more, I can’t say. I wouldn’t know, would I?

Biggest Disappointment: In Vino Veritas, my newest KCD series. I felt very good about the idea, gods, and I felt great working on it just to get it out, but after I published it, I just sort of... never looked at it again, never thought about it positively. A friend told me the fic felt a little weird in the end, and that made me think as much, too, and it just made me sad that I ended up not liking it. I like the idea, but I probably should have written it in Czech first. Now I have only the English version, and I don’t really feel like revisiting it and translating it to something that could possibly reach my heart easier. Or maybe I would have enjoyed it if someone else wrote it. I don’t know, this one simply left a bitter taste.

Biggest Surprise: I finished some stuff. Like the mentioned Mafia series, that made me go through a crisis, because I went through like 6 endings before I decided for the last one, and I am shocked that I actually finished it instead of... jumping through the wall.

But - the most surprising thing is that I’ve been working on the AC fic with so much joy and with no expectations, and that thing is awful, I mean it, and so rough, but I love every moment spent writing it. My focus is very unreliable, if I don’t go through something immediately, I will either never come back, or come back after ten or more years. So it is downright shocking, that I am still on it. It may not last, but even if - still the biggest surprise.

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year: I don’t feel like I’ve been in touch enough to say anything, really. I don’t consider myself a part of any fandoms, in spite of me writing for more than one. I got like - zero things to say that would be of some worth. I may be losing touch, I don’t know. If there is anything to be grateful for, it’s a relative luck (and a skill in fucking off when I see a shitstorm coming on the horizon) that I never went through accidentally becoming a part of some fandom wank or ship war. Yet.

Also, to not be utterly and disgustingly unfair, I am very grateful for the comments and love I got over the year. And all the small pokes from the right people. ;) Thank you again, @radio-chatter.

#tag #personal #about #why did I post this privately #it's been weeks!?

3 notes · View notes

otakucalsama · 6 years ago

Text

cal’s bella x crossover pairings fic recs

hello! this is cal here (obviously) and i’m just reposting this. i made it a while back, but the links didn’t work, so now i’m redoing it. this time, i’m going to make it smaller, with more posts, instead of larger in one post. so without further ado, here is my bella x the crossover pairings fic recs. also, this is only for completed fics, so if you have a story i didn’t add (that’s complete) send me a link and i’ll read it and then decide whether to add it or not. i will not, however, take any bella x edward, bella x jasper, or bella x jacob fics.

other fic recs here

last updated- 12/4/19

s u p e r n a t u r a l

d e a n x b e l l a

i. stick a fork in her by geezerwreench / m / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Receiving another cryptic set of coordinates from their father, Sam and Dean Winchester head to the Pacific Northwest where they’re confronted by a different kind of werewolf, learn about a sparkly new type of vampire, and meet a girl who’s fed up with all of it. Written for the 2016 Fandoms Against Domestic Violence fundraiser compilation. Language, violence, character death.

ii. ever hear of cold ones by shenandoah76209 / t / 10-15k, three-shot / complete

When Dean answered the phone it was only because he saw Bobby’s number on the ID. “Yeah Bobby, what’ve you got?” What Bobby had was a Hunter up in Forks with something that sounded like a cross between a Wendigo and a Vampire. Either one of those would be trouble. A mish mash of the two? This could be nothing good.

iii. bad medicine by bertie bott / m / 15-20k, three-shot / complete

On the flight home from saving Edward in Italy, Bella has a decidedly different reaction to finding out the truth behind him abandoning her. While running from her demons, Bella crosses paths with a couple of new ones, one of which she has no desire to run from… New Moon A/U and set in the beginning of season 10 in Supernatural.

iv. azazel cullen by t1gercat / k / 30-35k, multi-chaptered / complete

During a hunt Sam Winchester gets a vision of their life-long nemesis hunting the daughter of an old friend of his father. Will they make it in time to save her? Can vampires even be possessed?

v. she’s everything by maxipoo1024 / m / 140-150k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella has spent her whole life thinking something was wrong with her, that there was a glitch in her brain. A chance encounter with the Winchesters confirms her suspicions. With a hole in her heart and an apocalypse on the horizon, can a certain Winchester brother save the world, the girl, and heal his own heart in the process? Takes place beginning of New Moon

v a m p i r e d i a r i e s / o r i g i n a l s

k l a u s x b e l l a

i. she didn’t have time by lorelei candice black / t / 20-25k, multi-chaptered / complete

Loosely inspired by the song She Didn’t Have Time by Terry Clark. Bella ends up pregnant after her birthday and leaves her home. Edward left her. On the way she gets help from a witch who helps her survive and asks something of her. Bella/Klaus soul mate romance. Give it a chance and review please. Now complete.

ii. wherever this goes by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

It was simple, until it wasn’t. Bella didn’t know that when she became friends with Kol that it would bring Klaus into her life. After falling in love with the feared hybrid she comes to the conclusion that maybe he’s not meant to be hers.

iii. mystically charmed to fall for klaus by lorelei candice black / m / 140-150k, multi-chaptered / complete

Set during season 1 of TVD and at the beginning of New Moon in Twilight. Bella is a witch, the Charmed kind of witch. I borrowed some Spells for the TV show Charmed. It has the same base as my MCTF that paired Bella and Elijah, except now she’s with Klaus. Rewriting makes it LONGER. Done

iv. troublemaker by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella Swan, doppelganger, ends up being the missing piece to Klaus’s ritual. Only this sets in motion a romance that ends up being everything she could ever want. Nothing can keep these two lovers from each other, not even a new identity.

v. untouched by lorelei candice black / k+ / 2-3k, one-shot / complete / sequels- unbroken + unclaimed

PART 1 of a three part story. Bella wonders if she’ll really be happy with Edward without physical contact and staying human while he’s eternally young. She makes decisions, she sets the path for a new future. Try it please.

vi. can’t help myself by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Their first meeting was strange, but it leads to wonderful friendship. This friendships lead to something a little more special. But stupid later decisions lead to bigger problems. Hopefully, they get their happily ever after.

vii. goner by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

It was dark. Everything was dark inside and all hope was gone for her. The only thing that made her feel alive anymore was her brother. The dark was seeping into her soul and she was starting to lose the fight within herself. All it takes is the soul identical to her own to make her feel something other than sorrow.

viii. midnight love by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

She got what most people never did a final goodbye to her father. Moving to Mystic Falls with her Aunt and cousin Bella finds a new home. But Mystic Falls was the last place she ever thought she would meet her mate.

ix. salvation by ncbexie25 / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

1st place Kittyinaz WC Feb 2015. Pain immobilized him, and it was only the help of his brother, Elijah, that caused him to move some hours later. But his words stirred the drive and determination within him to a new focus that would last one thousand years. “We will bring her back, brother. And we will avenge her. Always and forever, that was our pledge. And we will stick to it.”

x. reaper twins by bitemytongue / m / 85-90k, multi-chaptered / complete / sequel- the reaping of new orleans

Bella’s life is going smoothly after the Cullen’s left, until she finds she has a twin brother & was adopted. With her new identity comes new power. Bella discovers she’s a different type of supernatural. Charlie gets a new job in Mystic Falls, Bella moves to continue her education with her brother. Bella’s mysterious identity and powers attract attention to her. M for Violence

xi. third time’s the charm by bitemytongue / m / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

Everyone has an epic love. A person you fall for so quickly and so hard that you can see forever with them. It’s that type of love that everyone aims for in their life. I’ve been alive for 38 years and a vampire for twenty of those years. In all my time I found three loves, but there was only one I wanted forever with. ONE-SHOT Rated M for Violence

xii. lifting his curse by lorelei candice black / k+ / 10-15k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella is 6 when she tells Klaus he is like THE BEAST in her book. Can True Love’s kiss really break any curse? Who is Klaus’ true love? Just a short one I’ve had in my head for a while… Might get bigger later but that’s it for now!I added Nanny’s POV, along with Elijah’s and Katerina’s.

xiii. my heart is forever yours by bitemytongue / m / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Far before she was Bella, she was Isabelle the wife of Niklaus Mikaelson. After hiding for centuries from her love, she finally re-connects with her past. M for violence.

xiv. nobody’s fault by darkest original / t / 65-70k, one-shot / complete

When something terrible takes place, part of the solution is to find someone to place the blame on. Alaric dies, it’s Esther’s fault. Elena dies, it’s Rebekah’s fault. When will people realize that blame does not rest on a just single person’s shoulders? It rests on the shoulders of each person involved, but sometimes accidents do happen and it really is nobody’s fault. B/K

xv. the visit by louisaxo / t / 3-4k, two-shot / complete

Set five years after the Cullen’s left. Bella returns to Forks with her new husband and family in tow, but who will they run into? ONLY DISCLAIMER:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SHOWS OR FRANCHISES MENTIONED IN THIS STORY.

xvi. on the 5th day of christmas, my true love gave to me (5 golden rings) by meekobb / m / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

Written for winter contest on BIT, prompt cozy fire. Bella develops an unusual friendship, seeks his help after going on the run for her survival. Circling a traditional bonfire, she learns all she needs is her family. M for adult situations, violance, and fun.

xvii. of wolf and man by cuinawen / m / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

Seventh in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Klaus is being pulled towards something or someone, and he is done fighting it… Rated M for a little language and violence. One Shot.

xviii. sacrificing time by lorelei candice black / t / 25-30k, multi-chaptered / complete

What would you be willing to sacrifice to ensure the safety and happiness of the man you love and know is your Soul Mate? Bella sacrificed time. Bad people killed, good people killed and brought back, other killed and completely ignored… Rated T for safety. 8 chapters once complete. Review, please.

xix. a jump through time by lorelei candice black / t / 85-90k, multi-chaptered / complete

A few months after Edward left, Charlie announces something important to Bella and it will lead her to New Orleans. There, she finds not only her grandma but also a cousin she never knew she had and the Mickealson’s. When something terrible happen, the only way to change things is to go back in time…Can she do it?Rating for safety. Bella/Klaus, Review please COMPLETE

k o l x b e l l a

i. enchantress by bitemytongue / t / 70-75k, multi-chaptered / complete

With only a few months left until her graduation, Bella is told she’s an Enchantress. Bella adapts to her new magical powers, and decides to finally get out of Forks, and move to Mystic Falls. Charlie and Bella buy a house there Bella moves a month early to set up the house. It’s then she discovers her 2 younger cousins Elena and Jeremy have been pulled into the supernatural.

ii. the oracle by poohbearbms / m / 80-85k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella loved Edward but when he left her in the woods that day he did not know the events he set into motion. Plans three thousand years in the making are about to be set in motion due to a broken heart and a desire to find who she really was meant for. With her her gifts to help her along the way the servants of nature will learn what the true meaning of natures balance is.

iii. red string by imaginary raine / k+ / 10-15k, two-shot / complete

Theirs is a story that have spanned a thousand years. He would search for her, and she would wait for him. Because no matter how long it took, they would find each other. It was their fate. Soulmate fic. Kol/Bella

iv. their forever promise by brookie twiling / m / 4-5k, one-shot / complete

They met in a dark alley. She, born and raised in a pleasure house, him, lonely and bloodthirsty. Both lusting for each other. They live happily for four years together before Klaus daggers him and Allibelle is left alone. A hundred years later and he’s free. What will happen when they find each other again? Will Kol forgive her for being with another? One-shot/ExplicitContent.

v. you’re not the one by bitemytongue / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

After centuries of being together, Kol has grown tired of the life he leads. In a solution to make him happy, Isabella lets him go. With a heart full of pain, she travels back to her homeland to get away from the heartache.e No longer going by Mikealson, Bella Salvatore returns to Mystic Falls to visit her boys. Only to run into the past she wasn’t ready to face.

vi. a love to kill for by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Kol moves to Seattle after his babysitting of Jeremy Gilbert in Denver. In Seattle he finds more than he was looking for when he comes across Bella Swan. M FOR VIOLENCE. One-Shot

vii. a shadow in the mirror by cuinawen / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella Swan finds herself dragged into the middle of things when mysterious murders begin to plague the small town of Forks. But the most obvious danger isn’t always the one you should worry about the most. Romance/Horror, Bella/Kol. *Mature Content* Halloween One-shot contest entry for Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Spook Fest

viii. moonlight and mistletoe by cuinawen / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

Twelfth and final story in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… After the Cullens leave Bella finds peace while going out running… and then someone finds her… Rated M just in case. One Shot.

ix. fallen for you by agmdnat / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

After her break-up with Edward, Bella found her soulmate in the form of another vampire, an Original vampire. She also discovered her real parentage that gave her amazing abilities and wings to go with it. M for some language and violence. [Kol,Bella]O/S

x. sanctuaire by buggyfiction / m / 90-95k, multi-chaptered / complete / sequel- pandore

On a class trip to New Orleans, Bella stumbles upon history like she never anticipated. Learning about one’s self is never easy, but discovering new things is always an adventure to true independence. Witch!Kol/Bella pairing.

e l i j a h x b e l l a

i. near to you by bitemytongue / t / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

A month after Edward leaves Bella, Bella is beginning to heal. She meets Elijah and with him she begins to really forget Edward and embrace who she really is. With Elijah she truly begins to love. ONE-SHOT

ii. eternal love by bitemytongue / t / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Bella lied to everyone at Forks. She wasn’t human, she was a cupid. Most of all, she was the daughter of one of the most feared people on Earth. With less than a year to live she sets out on a trip around the world. Ending in the small town of Mystic Falls. Where she meets HIM. ONE-SHOT

iii. vegas by excentrykemuse / t / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Alice and Rosalie take Bella to Vegas for her bachelorette. What they didn’t realize was that Bella would meet a certain Original while playing Poker … and would fall in love. Bella/Elijah

iv. an eclipse in time by lorelei candice black / m / 45-50k, multi-chaptered / complete

In New Moon,Bella goes to her grandmother’s in Mystic Falls. The war between Hybrids and Vampires is in full swing and it’s horror. Bonnie sends her back in time when the originals were human to change things. Klaus starts out evil…Will he change? Story COMPLETE

v. mystically charmed to fall by lorelei candice black / t / 110-120k, muti-chaptered / complete

Bella learns that she’s a witch after Edward leaves her. She goes to Mystic Falls to learn more with her grandmother. Set in New moon and at the end of season 1 of TVD. Evil Alice. Bella’s the Charmed kind of witch. Review:-) NOW COMPLETE

vi. a love for nature by bitemytongue / t / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Bella has found her safe haven in New Orleans. With the help of Marcel she’s able to live a normal life, or as normal as it gets for her. She quickly meets the Mikaelsons, and with her love for children helps them with their new member Hope. This friendship will hopefully lead to love.

vii. the waltz by cuinawen / k+ / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Second in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… A brief encounter at a Mikaelson party in New Orleans… One Shot.

viii. where are you now by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella had come to her senses, letting go of the love of her life was the worst mistake she had ever made. In an effort to find him, she leaves Edward and Forks behind. Only the hunt for her love gets postponed after she has an accident landing her in New Orleans. ONE-SHOT

j e r e m y x b e l l a

i. hunting by numbers by cuinawen / t / 2-3k, one-shot / complete

Ninth in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Jeremy meets a girl at Whitmore College… she’s mysterious, quiet… and she needs his help… One Shot.

d a m o n x b e l l a

i. living on a prayer by bertie bott / t / 7-8k, one-shot / complete

Originally written for Kittyinaz’s July Writing Contest. On his death bed after Tyler’s killing bite, Damon has an out of body experience that leads him to a revelation, finally giving his eternity meaning…

ii. almost lover by bertie bott / t / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

Jasper’s honor demands he takes action. Really, he couldn’t abide sitting by watching his family smother Bella to the point of snuffing out her happiness… And if helping her also helps an old friend, then it’s any easy decision when he takes it upon himself to set her free.

iii. a reality romance by t1gercat / t / 20-25k, multi-chaptered / complete

When bad boy superstar Damon Salvatore is forced to have his own reality show to up his album sells he has to have a roommate. Who better than shy girl Bella Swan? Can the two live in peace or will their secrets tear them apart?

iv. the shortcut home by kittyinaz / m / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

A meeting one night in a dusty town changes everything. Now a man becomes a father, a woman becomes a daughter to someone who deserves her, and a love is started. Read what would happen if Twilight had started differently.

v. this left feels right by bertie bott / m / 15-20k, three-shot / complete

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball right when you need it most. Damon is asked to visit an old friend by someone he can’t say no to. When he gets to Forks, though, it’s not a family of vampires he finds waiting for him, but an angry girl who just might give his life the new direction he’s been seeking…

f i n n x b e l l a

i. all paths lead home by thedarkestfallingstar / m / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

She had given up hope of ever seeing her love again, she should have known that the fates wouldn’t be so cruel.

ii. thaw by thedarkestfallingstar / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

It was cold, the wind and rain seemed to seep to her very bones. Yet, she did not care. She was numb anyway, her heart frozen beyond repair.

iii. speechless by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Life had been hard for Bella Swan after the departure of Edward Cullen, but the rescue of a new friend changes things. Attempting to control her power, and trying to grow accustomed to her new disability Bella Swan starts a new life, and hopefully finds new love. M for Violence

h e n r i k x b e l l a

i. connected by the soul by bitemytongue / m / 120-130k, multi-chaptered / complete

With a forgetful mother and a father several states away Bella has always been on her own. That is until her eleventh birthday when she encounters her soul mate. The only problem, he’s a spirit trapped on the other side. Seventeen and moving to Forks with her father, Bella is closer to being with her soul mate,there’s always something fishy lurking around the corner. M for Violence

ii. renegade by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, one-shot / complete / sequel- run away with me

Being stuck on the Other-side is worst than anyone could ever imagine. Being forced to watch as his family unravels before him, Henrik changes from the lovable boy he was human, to a cold and hating ghost. Meeting Bella Swan only fuels his anger for all living beings.

k a i x b e l l a

i. bring you back by meekobb / m / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

When Bella finds herself immersed deeper in the supernatural world, without any cooperation, it drives her to find help from an unlikely ally. Her loyalty to the only one who shows her any concern changes her in ways no one anticipates. Cover art by Bertie Bott.

s l a t e r x b e l l a

i. hacker’s code by bitemytongue / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Being a Hacker is who she is, it’s all she has left anymore. That is until Bella comes across a certain Mikaelson who uses her skill to track down his brother. Working for a Mikaelson leads her to find her equal and a true friend.

t h i e r r y x b e l l a

i. holding onto you by bitemytongue / m / 9-10k, one-shot / complete

Bella had never been without her brother for long, but she was beginning to feel the pain of his loss. She needed to find someone who could help be the family that she needed, but being rejected by her older brother was the last straw. Bella heads to the one place that reminded her most of family, only to meet someone important.

t e e n w o l f

s t i l e s x b e l l a

i. keep me warm by bitemytongue / m / 9-10k, one-shot / complete

Bella meets a boy her age who is being ignored by all his friends, and being the new kid in town means she has no one to talk to. It makes for the beginning of a beautiful friendship. One that involves, werewolves, vampires, magic, and falling in love.

i s s a c x b e l l a

i. last of the true believers by bitemytongue / t / 9-10k, one-shot / complete

Bella’s life was a bad 90’s high school movie, that is until her father takers her on a vacation around the world. Somewhere between exploring and rediscovering herself she gets a new best friend who might just also happen to be her bonded. But that doesn’t mean that have to date… not yet anyway.

j a c k s o n x b e l l a

i. give me something by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella needs a fresh start, one away from vampires and the overbearing weight of grief she had. She moves to Beacon Hills with her older cousin Derek, and his new found pack. She wants friends that are her own, and to be seen as just a girl and not part angel, she gets more than she ever wanted when she meets the cocky blonde haired werewolf.

h a r r y p o t t e r

s e v e r u s x b e l l a

i. dark eyes by metallicangel28 / m / 10-15k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella was a witch. A dyed in the wool, wand waving, potion brewing, broom riding witch. Not that she rode brooms. She was also Hermione’s elder cousin. After finding a dying Severus Snape in the boat house, she works her magic to heal and bring him back to life. In more ways than just physically. (Timeline altered to make Bella older than Hermione but Twilight story remains as is.)

o n c e u p o n a t i m e

p a n x b e l l a

i. flying away, back to neverland by lorelei candice black / k+ / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

Bella met Peter Pan when she was 8. She kept on coming to Neverland often at nights and grew very close to Peter Pan and the Lost boys. On her 15th birthday, she decides not to go anymore until she’s ready to stay. When she turns 18, she’s ready but will Edward let her go? One-shot. Review please?

a v e n g e r s

l o k i x b e l l a

i. my true self by desertdarkfire / k+ / >1k, one-shot / complete

She’s heard him all her life, somewhere in the shadows. He’s been waiting for her, waiting for her to awaken. What she thinks is a dream, quickly turns to reality. Who is this man? BellaxLoki AU. Based on a song challenge from a friend.

ii. god gave me you by darkestdarkfire / k / >1k, one-shot / complete

Loki takes two very big steps in his life. One of them involves Bella. What could they be? AU Oneshot fic, BellaxLoki

iii. let the stars unite us by whatarefilms / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Sometimes a mother just has to meddle, and this is one of the times that it’s for the good of the universe. (One shot)

s t e v e x b e l l a

i. a heaven from hell’s despair by steampunkfairytale / t / 65-70k, multi-chaptered / complete

When Charlie Swan and Sue Clearwater were murdered by Renee Dwyer, Bella Swan, reeling from the departure of the Cullens, her father’s murder and desperate to escape her psychopath mother turns to the only family she has left: Her Godfather Tony Stark. Bella/Steve. FINALLY COMPLETE!

x m e n

g a m b i t x b e l l a

i. explosive love by thedarkestfallingstar / m / 6-7k, one-shot / complete

Everyone has someone to complete them, challenge them, protect them, even someone as broken as she.

d o c t o r w h o

1 1 t h d o c t o r x b e l l a

i. is it really you? by queenvampire / k+ / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Bella is actually another time lord, Huntress, the doctor’s soul mate. She survived, but the doctor thought she was dead, after an incident involving the tardis and a sabre toothed tiger. She lived among humans for a while, trying to find the doctor. What happens when he is put in hospital by accident, and Carlisle Cullen is treating him? Don’t own it.

p i r a t e s o f t h e c a r i b b e a n

j a c k x b e l l a

i. a caribbean soul by fanpire.x / t / 20-25k, multi-chaptered / complete

After Edward leaves, Bella goes back to her real home in the seventeenth century where her first love awaits; but what happens when seven vampires are transported there as well? *Bella/Jack - during NM, then CotBP*

l a b y r i n t h

j a r e t h x b e l l a

i. twilight in the labyrinth by metallicangel28 / m / 45-50k, multi-chaptered / complete

Bella is Sarah’s cousin, and was sent to live with Sarah’s family when Charlie believes her to be sinking farther into her depression. When Sarah makes her ill-thought out wish, Bella is taken with Toby to the castle beyond the goblin city. What will happen when Bella finds both family and love in the Underground. Set in modern times with Jareth’s 80’s clothes. Rofl Sarah bashing!

c r i m i n a l m i n d s

s p e n c e r x b e l l a

i. look after you by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Being the child of an infamous BAU agent didn’t mean anything to Bella, she was just happy to have a father. Now, at 22 she finds that she’s happy being in love with the genius Doctor Reid. Only now she hopes that she can be forever happy with him.

d e r e k x b e l l a

i. no more bad days by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, one-shot / complete

Bella was never normal, but luckily for her she met her best friend who was just like her. She had to learn the hard way that life isn’t always going to be filled with happy memories. Her life contained bad memories, anxiety attacks, and some loneliness. That is until she gets a job at the FBI and through strange circumstance finds herself in a relationship with a certain Agent.

a a r o n x b e l l a

i. stolen by agentswan / m / 5-6k, one-shot / complete

Aaron Hotchners wife and son get kidnapped. See how he gets them back and who took them. This is for twilightvixxen. M for a reason!

v a m p i r e a c a d e m y

a d r i a n x b e l l a

i. smile by jasper’s guardian angel / t / >1k, one-shot / complete

In their darkest days they found each other and learned how to smile again. Vampire Academy/Twilight cross-over one-shot, Adrian/Bella pairing. Takes place after LS and During NM. AU

c o v e n a n t

r e i d x b e l l a

i. finding myself with you by bitemytongue / t / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Everything changed when Edward left. Bella was left broken, and after hitting rock bottom she leaves Forks to move in with her cousin Tyler. Hopefully, Ipswich will be exactly what she needs to find herself.

t y l e r x b e l l a

i. blue eyes by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Heartbroken Bella moves to be with her cousin. All she wants is a normal life, but she isn’t that lucky. Falling in love with her cousin’s best friend is only the beginning, it’s discovering she’s not who she thought she was that changes everything. All she wants is to be happy, and she realizes all she needs is her soulmate to be happy. M For Violence

ii. all i need is you by bitemytongue / m / 15-20k, one-shot / complete

After everything, leaving Forks was the best decision Bella had ever made. There was no regrets when she left to attend Harvard. For Tyler going to Harvard meant being with his best friends, only freshman year he meets the love of his existence. It’s a real shame his shyness has been holding him back from making a move. Can a math class change things? M for minor violence and such

c a l e b x b e l l a

i. better with you by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

For one it was a lonely life. A life full of sorrow and pain and an overwhelming hate for being an immortal. For the other immortality was a new beginning. A beautiful chance to live a life without sorrow and pain. Coming together they find they’re just perfect for each other, only it takes them a bit of time to realize it.

p o g u e x b e l l a

i. say you love me by bitemytongue / t / 8-9k, one-shot / complete

They met in college, two broken hearts coming together to put the pieces back together. Only after two years and a visit to Ipswich do they begin to realize, that maybe they’re meant to be more than friends. ONE-SHOT

z n a t i o n

1 0 k x b e l l a

i. no longer alone by bitemytongue / m / 10-15k, one-shot / complete

Bella Swan didn’t experience the normal zombie apocalypse. She was kidnapped just before it began, so her time was spent with vampires instead of zombie. Escaping she found her way to a small group of survivors on a mission. Keeping her secrets Bella tags along with the group only to fall in love with their quietest member. It’s strange to find love in the apocalypse M for Violence

t r u e b l o o d

g o d r i c x b e l l a

i. sweet compliance by cuinawen / t / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

Sixth in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Godric isn’t the only one imprisoned by the FotS… they use an innocent human girl to force him to comply… One Shot.

ii. the rescue by velez / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

“I Do” vs. “I Do” What is your forever like? Bella Swan is about to say “I Do” but, to the wrong man. Her rescuer is an immortal 2000-year-old vampire who will go to any length to save her. Even if they have not seen each other for some time.

iii. you loved me back to life by velez / m / 3-4k, one-shot / complete

From comatose to two thousand years. Godric and Bella learn to live, love and care for each other during the storm called life.

e r i c x b e l l a

i. an unexpected claim by cuinawen / m / 1-2k, one-shot / complete

First in my 'The 12 Vamps of Christmas’ series… Bella goes to Fangtasia with her cousin Sookie and the vampire Bill, and finds the experience exasperating, until she meets a certain Viking. Rated M just in case. One Shot.

a l c i d e x b e l l a

i. taming the wolf by jinx dodson / m / 120-130k, multi-chaptered / complete

“Get on.” He half growls with a slight smile. “You said it’d be as if you never existed…” He turns to her. “What’d you say baby?” She shakes her head as he looks upon her strangely. “Nevermind baby let’s go.” What happens when he doesn’t stop and Bella finds herself in Shreveport, La? With a wolf that has claims to her. (A bit of a dominating Alcide.) Read and Review. RATED Mature

18 notes · View notes

angelsfalling16 · 6 years ago

Text

Fic Masterlist

All of my fics together in one place. There are a lot, so I’m putting them below a cut.

Snowbaz

Chaptered Fics

A Fairytale Love (4k)

Penelope tells a bedtime story to her children about a dragon named Simon and a boy named Baz.

Part 2 | Read on ao3

A Terrible Idea (13k)

Simon and Baz live in neighboring apartments, and one day, Simon smells something burning in the next apartment over. When he finds out what is going on with Baz, he offers to be Baz’ fake boyfriend when he goes home to visit his family. This is obviously not a good idea because we all know how this will end.

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Read it on ao3

Beautiful Stranger (25k)

Simon's car breaks down during a storm, and he gets stranded in the middle of nowhere. Deciding to seek shelter, he comes across a large, seemingly abandoned house. It isn't abandoned, though, and he is almost certain that the boy inside is a vampire, planning to kill him.

Friends Don’t French-Kiss (30k)

Simon and Baz have one of their many arguments, but this time, it ends with them going on fake dates and trying to compete to see who would make a better boyfriend.

Friends Don’t Get Engaged (13k - in progress)

Plans are well under way for Simon and Baz's wedding, but to Simon, it feels as though everything is spinning out of control. The engagement was supposed to end months ago, but instead, Baz and Penny are planning the most extravagant wedding he's ever seen. What happens when Simon has had enough of all of it? Will Simon and Baz be able to make up, or will this be it for them?

Sequel to Friends Don’t French-Kiss

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Read it on ao3

Home Is Wherever You Are - aka the farmer!baz au (130k)

Baz and Simon grew up in neighboring farms and were best friends as kids. But one day, everything changed. Baz quit talking to Simon, and he still doesn’t know why. Now, they’re about to start their senior year of high school, and neither is sure whether they will make up before they graduate.

Chapters: 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 Bonus Scene | Read it on ao3

Impulse (4.8k)

Baz gets angry at his father and does something impulsive, taking Simon by surprise.

Parts 2 & 3 | Read on ao3

I’m Not the Queen, Snow (2k)

Baz is a dramatic gay, and he kisses Simon first.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Read on ao3

Roller Diner (33k)

Simon gets repeatedly stood up by Agatha at a diner where Baz happens to work. Baz begins to take pity on him, and he isn’t completely sure that the girl really exists. Then, Baz starts to fall for the cute lonely boy. One day, Agatha finally shows up, and nothing goes as any of them would have expected.

Read on ao3

Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down

Rating: E

Simon keeps running into Baz at various bars, and even though he knows that there is no way that it will end well, he can't keep his hands off of him.

Read on ao3

The Thin Line Between Pretending and Actually Loving You

Baz needs a fake date so that Dev and Niall will stop setting him up, and who better to be that date the guy he hasn't seen since they graduated college several years ago?

Simon and Baz struggle to fool Dev and Niall, but it seems like they're great at fooling themselves. Will they be able to work through whatever this is between them before their planned "break up"? Or are they destined to be separated again?

Tyrannosaurus? Like the Dinosaur? (11k)

Simon enters a bookshop where Baz works, and they start talking, both clearly attracted to each other. They start to hang out together, but neither of them know whether this thing between them is more than just friendship. Then, they get snowed-in and have to spend the night together.

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Read it on ao3

Walk A Mile In My Shoes (22k)

Simon and Baz switch bodies, and the only way to switch back is by finding a way to work together. It isn’t easy at first, but the boys find that there is more to each other than they know.

Read it on ao3

Series - 20 First Kisses

20 different ways that Simon and Baz could have had their first kiss. These can all be read alone and in any order that you want.

It Was Just A Dream (1k)

What happens when Simon wakes up and everything that happened in Carry On was just a dream?

Read it on ao3

It Was Just A Dream (rewrite) (2k)

What happens when Simon wakes up and everything that happened in Carry On was just a dream?

Read it on ao3

In Pieces (2k)

Baz is hurting, and all Simon wants to do is help him in any way possible.

Read it on ao3

Almost Gone (1.9k)

Warnings: self-harm/suicide attempt

Simon Snow doesn’t want to be the chosen one anymore, and Baz doesn’t know how to help him.

Read it on ao3

Fifth Year Feelings (3.6k)

Simon and Baz have just gotten back from Christmas break during their fifth year, and Simon hasn’t started dating Agatha.

Read it on ao3

Love’s a Game (2.6k)

Simon and Baz are dancing around each other all morning with gentle touches, but neither one knows why the other is doing it. Simon thinks Baz is plotting something, and Baz thinks Simon is just messing with him.

Read it on ao3

Secret Writings (6.4k)

Baz is writing constantly, and Simon thinks he’s plotting.

Read it on ao3

When the Smoke Clears (1k)

Baz and Simon have gotten rid of the dragon, and Simon is glad Baz is safe.

Read it on ao3

Let’s Not Fight (2.4k)

What if that conversation between Simon and Baz before Baz left for break went a little bit differently?

Read it on ao3

Proof of Your Love (7k)

Baz asks Simon out, but Simon thinks that it’s all a trick and that he is plotting something. Baz has to figure out a way to show Simon that his feelings for him are real.

Read it on ao3

What I’m Trying Say (509 words)

Baz tries to tell Simon how he feels.

Read it on ao3

Just a Taste (994 words)

Simon wants a taste of Baz’ chapstick.

Read it on ao3

Happy Birthday, Baz (4k)

It’s Baz birthday, and Simon can’t keep his eyes off of him or the new makeup that he’s wearing.

Read it on ao3

You’ll Always Be My Princess (7k)

Simon wants Baz to stop calling him ‘Snow’, so Baz comes up with a bunch of other names to call him.

Read it on ao3

Talk Too Much (3.9k)

Simon thinks that Baz talks too much and decides to do something about it.

Read it on ao3

The Touch That Heals (2.8k)

Your soulmate's touch can heal any wounds/scars that you have. With Simon and Baz always fighting, it takes them a long time to realize that they're meant to be.

Read it on ao3

Heated Gaze (3k)

Baz dreams of a future with Simon but knows that he can never have what he wants. But when Simon starts acting strangely, Baz begins to wonder if he was wrong.

Read it on ao3

What Happens in the Dark (4.6k)

Simon and Baz are locked together when the power goes out. Will they find a way to get along, or will the night end with the two of them worse off than before?

Read it on ao3

"I think I might be gay.” (2.7k)

Simon figures out that he has feelings for Baz, and he decides to act on it.

Read it on ao3

The Family You Choose (2.5k)

Baz is hurting after something that his father said to him, and Simon is there to comfort him.

Read it on ao3

First Kisses (1.3k)

Just before they kiss, Simon and Baz think about what they always imagined a first kiss would be like.

Read it on ao3

One Shots

A New Year and A New Beginning (2k)

Penny sets Simon up with a blind date on New Year's Eve. What happens when Simon kisses the wrong person? Will they turn out to be the right person?

Read it on ao3

Acting Up - Simon’s POV (5.9k)

Simon and Baz are actors on a tv show, but they can’t seem to get along. They are given the weekend to learn how to get along or one of them will be fired.

Read it on ao3

Acting Up - Baz’s POV (5.5k)

Simon and Baz are actors on a tv show, but they can’t seem to get along. They are given the weekend to learn how to get along or one of them will be fired.

Read it on ao3

Baz Loves Snow (1.8k)

Baz has a notebook with 'I love Snow' written all over it, and Simon thinks that he means actual snow.

Read it on ao3

Baz Met a Bloke (1.7k)

Someone requested a fic where Fiona and Simon interact, so I decided to rewrite that scene in chapter 56 when Baz visits Fiona. Simon is also there, which Fiona isn't happy about, but not so unhappy that she isn't willing to embarrass Baz.

Read it on ao3

The Best Man (2.8k)

Baz is the best man at his aunt’s wedding, and Simon is his date, who can’t seem to keep his eyes off of him and who is impatient to get back to their hotel room.

Read it on ao3

Can’t See Straight (2k)

Baz spends the night at Simon's flat, and Simon finds out something about him.

Read it on ao3

Carry On, Simon (3k)

Set not too long after Carry On takes place, Baz and Simon are happy boyfriends.

Read it on ao3

Coffee and Flowers (3k)

Simon thinks Baz is up to something (what’s new?) so he follows him to try to find out what he’s up to. It turns out that the thing Baz is doing isn’t bad at all, and Simon’s even decides to help him.

Read it on ao3

It Doesn’t Mean Anything, Right? (1k)

It was right next to the lips, so it doesn’t mean anything. Right?

Or, Simon is oblivious and thinks Baz is plotting something. Again.

Just Relax (4.3k)

Rating: E

Baz gives Simon an oily massage to help him relax.

Read it on ao3

Kisses and Blood (1.6k)

Warnings: Major Character Death

A fic based on this quote from Carry On: Those were my fifth-year fantasies: kisses and blood and Snow ridding the world of me.

Read it on ao3

Kisses and Blood (alternate ending) (1.9k)

This is the alternate (happier) version of another fic that I wrote with the same title.

A fic based on this quote from Carry On: Those were my fifth-year fantasies: kisses and blood and Snow ridding the world of me.

Read it on ao3

Not Like This (4.1k)

Simon and Baz are playing a game, and their friends are forcing them to kiss, but Baz doesn’t want to kiss Simon. Not like this anyway.

Read it on ao3

Returning to Watford (3k)

Baz returns to Watford after winter break, and he has to figure out how to be in their room without Simon there. He’s lonely and misses Simon.

Read it on ao3

Rolling Around (2k)

Simon is covered in leaves and grass, and Baz is curious about what he was doing.

Read it on ao3

Scrapbooking (1k)

Simon collects tickets, photos, and other various items but never gets around to doing anything with them. They just sit around in a drawer until one day, Baz surprises him.

Read it on ao3

Snowbaz in Rome (1.8k)

Simon and Baz hide their relationship in ancient Rome. Simon wants to kill his father, but Baz has to save him before he gets himself killed.

Read it on ao3

The Spark (1.6k)

The first time that Baz kisses Simon it’s because he lost a bet, but after that, he’s chasing a feeling, and neither of them can seem to stay away from each other.

Read it on ao3

Together Forever

Inspired by the song Forever and Always by Parachute. Actually, this fic was built around the lyrics.

Read on ao3

True Love Mistletoe

(Technically, this is a Dev x Niall fic, but snowbaz is in there, too.)

It’s the annual Christmas party, and two people are brought together by a magical mistletoe.

Read on ao3

(Wishing to be) The Friction in Your Jeans (3k)

Rating: E

Inspired by the song “Sugar We’re Goin' Down” by Fall Out Boy

Read it on ao3

The Worst Has Passed (1k)

The Humdrum is gone, and the Mage is dead. This is what happens immediately after. (I tweaked the events of the book just a bit, but it's still the same. If that makes sense.)

Read it on ao3

5 Pranks That Go (Almost) As Planned and 1 Prank That Doesn’t (4.4k)

Baz and Simon pull pranks on each other. None of them go completely as planned, but there is one that doesn't go at all as planned.

Read it on ao3

<1000 words

Better Than Fighting (195 words)

Call Your Girlfriend (777 words)

Baz wants to be with Simon but not like this. He insists that Simon talks to his girlfriend before anything can happen between them.

Read it on ao3

Carry On - Alternate Ending (884 words)

Warnings: Major Character Death, depression

Just imagine for a moment that things in the woods that fateful night went just a little bit differently..

What if Baz is the one who kisses Simon first and then succeeds in spelling Simon away?

Read it on ao3

Good Morning, Darling (484 words)

Happy Birthday, Simon (848 words)

Here’s a short fic for the Worst Chosen One Who’s Ever Been Chosen’s Golden Birthday!

In the Dark (536 words)

Read on ao3

Just Breathe (481 words)

Light in the Darkness (610 words)

Simon wakes in the middle of the night and seeks comfort from the tree lights.

Read it on ao3

Little Puff (656 words)

Baz gets a Visiting from his mother.

Read on ao3

One Last Kiss as the Sun Rises (838 words)

Baz is leaving on a trip, and Simon and Baz kiss goodbye, neither of them wanting him to go.

Read it on ao3

Snowbaz and Stuffed Bears (465 words)

Baz gives Simon a stuffed bear.

Snowbaz and Paddington Bear (740 words)

Simon gives Baz a gift for Valentine’s Day.

This is technically a sequel to Snowbaz and Stuffed Bears, but it can be read alone.

[Untitled] (697 words)

Based on the song lyric, "And I can't change into the person I don't want to be"

[Untitled] (337 words)

Based on the song lyric, “I really thought you were on my side But now there's nobody by my side.”

[Untitled] (904 words)

Prompt: What if sharing magic was this really addictive thing that Baz and simon discovered they loved to do. (I mean baz's fascination for simon's magic is canon, but what if it felt good for Simon, too?) Even when it wasn't necessary at all, like just reheating a cup of tea. How would that go?

[Untitled] (906 words)

(Another Deniall fic, which might be getting there own section at some point..)

Prompt: ooooh what about a deniall mutual pining but then both being stupid and not picking up on any of the other’s “tells”

[Untitled] (470 words)

Prompt: ficlet based on the lyrics of northern downpour by p!atd (any lyrics, really, but i'm feeling "The ink is running toward the page/It's chasin' off the days/Look back at both feet/And that winding knee/I missed your skin when you were east/You clicked your heels and wished for me"

[Untitled] (622 words)

Prompt: impulsive/kinda agressive first kiss but without the angsty running away scenes that always come after those,,,, just cute fluff please

[Untitled] (999 words)

Prompt: ooo, for the ficlet requests could you do snowbaz with the song “Sugar We’re Goin Down” by Fall Out Boy? specifically the line “wishing to be the friction in your jeans” because i feel like that’s just a really snowbaz line considering simon’s reaction to baz in jeans, thanks you!!

[Untitled] (351 words)

A/N: I saw @carryonsnowbaz doing this prompt, and when I saw it, my first thought was deniall, so I decided to write a quick thing.

Song Parody

Pair of Jeans

Parody of the song Fireflies by Owl City

Destiel

All for You (1k words)

Cas proposes to Dean when they're sitting together on a park bench and watching the sun set.

Read on ao3

Anywhere in Time (11k)

Dean is accidentally sent back in time to 1901, where he meets a woman who seems strangely familiar. He and the woman have to find a way to get him back to his time. In the present time, Cas is running from an angel, and he has to find a way to defeat so that he is still alive when Dean returns.

Chapter 2 | Read on ao3

Dr. Sexy? (5.6k )

Rating: E

Cas finds himself in a hospital that looks eerily similar to the one on Dr. Sexy MD. Then, he sees Dr. Sexy himself, except isn't Dr. Sexy. It's Castiel. They have to find a way to get out of here, but the only way is to do as Gabriel tells him to. Dean isn't sure that he wants to go through with it. At least, not like this.

Read it on ao3

Gross Stuff (1k)

Cas and Dean are reorganizing the storage room in the bunker, and Dean keeps labeling things as "gross stuff."

Read it on ao3

Will you be my wingman? (579 words)

Dean asks Cas to be his wingman, and Cas misunderstands what Dean means.

Coldflash

Scarlet Lover (807 words)

Barry Allen and Leonard Snart are in a secret relationship, and this is just a tiny bit of fluff.

#my fics #fic masterlist #red writing hood #snowbaz fics #snowbaz #destiel #destiel fics #coldflash #coldflash fic #save for later

68 notes · View notes

shytiff · 4 years ago

Text

September 2021

1 - MTBS 0 pt. tried out kopsus from jannor coffee with gofood pickup promo (10k). it tasted nutty and yummy even though it seems to use regular milk. but its kinda hot. the ac was not satisfactory. finished up the word for Prof. bought jasuke on the way back. filled out IDI form since i still have energy.

2 - mtbs again but this time its 3 patients at the same time. vcalled with kris. bought some snacks in hypermart. exercised a bit and played badminton with renata. watched 3 eps of nanno.

3 - my body aches and it will be wonderful to sleep again but its already 6:40. usila today. the ac in kamar jaga was no longer cold. finally finished moms box of brownies from like 2 weeks ago. read dear benjamin. got to enjoy some silence because i napped before maghrib and the others slept early.

4 - vaccine in GCD with teh fitri, teh fany and teh rahmi. about 440ish patients. gossiped about cibeber lmao. watched the hitman’s bodyguard. samuel and ryan was hilarious.

5 - morning walk with renata. saw cilegon’s cfd. cleaned up the room accompanied by howl’s soundtrack. made spaghetti with instant bolognese sauce, egg and cheese. o seven with tri nagita. just saw prof’s email from 2nd sept, shit. tried to get some headspace to do ppt.

6 - bp with nessa (originally kia/ugd). except therere some patients in ugd lol. did excision for clavus (1st timer!) and hecting. fried tempe (1st timer!) using someone’s leftover oil lmaooo

7 - BP with zihan. had spaghetti combined with cheese egg and mom’s chicken for lunch. instant bloating :). drank hot matcha to curb the bloat. planked. ate muesli lol. did not do anything significant today :( started the origin of species.

8 - vaccine today except it starts at 10:30 since we’re waiting for the mayor. so i hung out on the screening table since the doctor room was hot. vaccine with dr lutfi. watched homcha and nanno. fell asleep

9 - vaccine with bang esa and other staffs in smp 8 cikerai. its apparently the highest point in cikerai. finished at 12-ish pm and we ate buffet lunch lol. made matcha latte again. this time with almost 1 spoon of sugar so it tastes good. i missss matcha. read 1 webinar ppt so i guess thats a little but its something. rip attention span

10 - usila. tried A BIT of duren from bu Tur for dr isip but its enough to make me retch lmao. was given labbaik chicken by bu oo. Some exercise. rly tried to make some progress but my brain just cant seem to muster

11 - kia/ugd. Some ugd patients. Spaghetti for lunch yay. Originally intended to go to cafe but i ended up falling asleep :) tried to get some progress for PPT. Involved a lot of staring into nothing. Slept at like 00:30ish am

12 - morning walk slash jog. The jogging track was finally open. Went to jannor. Ordered kopsus and meatball potato dish with gofood takeaway promo (spent a total of 30k) . The staff kindly asked whether i want to eat there or to actually takeaway lol. The meatball truly tasted like meat. The mashed potato was a bit dry. The weather was grey and cloudy, exactly my favorite. First time cooking kangkung

13 - vaccine today. 20-ish patients. Alone in kamar jaga since nessa went to mass vaccine. Zoom call with Prof. Dyed my hair blue in flow salon (1200K). got free manicure, It took 5 hrs 😅. another firsts in life. both the nail tech and hair tech said my hair was dry lmao. arrived in mess at 9ish pm. ordered nasgor in front of mess

14 - mi rebus for bfast. not too much patients for vaccine so i finished at like 10 am. napped at kamar jaga. got free rice box from dr arief etc yay :)))) got mochacinno at jannor. tried to do sumn useful but cannot. still no ppt progress aaa. watched homcha ep 6 together

15 - vaccine in al hanif. tried chicken-cakwe porridge near the school. the school was an all girls school, with ppl wearing long veils. tried to fit the placement test from cakap (12-1 pm) during the vaccination lol. had to excuse myself to the ssaem during photo sesh. napped so i could see the 17 pm cakap class but i ended up napping until close to 18 :) saw the 19 am class with lukas ssaem

16 - spaghetti for bfast. usila today. this dumbass forgot to wear komin and wore her rubber slip ons. turns out theres some money from al hanif vaccine. which is great bcs there’s literally no paper money in my wallet lmaoo. rested a bit. dr eva called and she gave me a ppt and chapter book job. sheeet theres no progress yet of Prof’s ppt. a wake up call. whatsapped with frends that planned to go to cilegon this weekend, but it ended up being the next weekend. thank god, because dr eva’s ppt deadline is 24th sept. set myself up on a spot in the vanity table so i can work in a chair (i frfr find it difficult to work on my own bed)

17 - some patients in UGD. Slept while waiting for 2 pm. Held off my sleepiness for zoom with dr Eva. 5pm cakap class. Matcha latte. 7pm zoom w dr eva. Fell asleep after that

18 - bp. Turns out teh imey also dyed her hair. cakap class abt bts' spring day lol. Worked on dr eva's ppt

19 - jogged a bit. had kopsus (20K) and fish fillet rice (27K). finished dr eva’s ppt with the given material so far. napped in mess. dr eva also revised the ppt on the same day so there’s 2 slides left (patient clinical profile and conclusion). took some time for me to get the headspace to work on ppt so i started prof’s ppt at like 7-ish. only got 1 slide. stayed awake until 11ish but i basically stopped doing useful stuff at 9 TT TT

20 - vaccine today, finished at 10 am. lounged around. went to bni to check on m-banking, still system error. transferred 3mil from my BNI atm to muamalat. tried nasi goreng roa and cakalang with added chicken shreds (20K). so goood. conversed with nessa zihan. did not open my laptop at all :) stopped by at rodalink bcs nessa wanted to buy a bike. drank matcha latte in an effort to curb sleepiness. worked on Prof’s ppt. fried the frozen kebab (35K) i bought from teh Rahmi.

21 - vaccine P3K w teh yeni teh rahmi mas oim. 3 patients. Ate some gorengan and talked lol. Did the abstract and ppt for dr eva. Worked on Prof's ppt.

22 - usila w mas oim. Had banana, bolu and protein for bfast. Ordered nasgor roa cakalang from bakuku for lunch. Felt suuuuper sleepy afterwards. Wanted to sleep again in mess but couldnt. Washed my shitton of clothes with washing machine. Heavyyy. Worked more on PPT. Too much denial this week

23 - picked some groceries @ bu rum. Kia/ugd today. Its been a while since i last checked DJJ. Successful first attempt but fail in the 2nd bcs the baby is still floating. Cooked meat and veggies with nessren. Jannor and kopsus again. Worked on ppt til my head hurts. Its a little bit more to gooo.

24 - bp. Made myself bento with nugget and left over veggies. Finished the smol details of the ppt and finally sent it. Watched shangchi @ transmart w chillegone. The film was fun! We cooked soup at mess and tri made perkedel. Watched homcha ep7. Slept

25 - Vaccine but there was no vaccine, so I went to UKK @ villa ternak cikerai with pkm peeps. its like opening a clinic but somewhere in hills area. got treated to bakso and tempe mendoan afterwards. lazed around in my bed, with no info from jkt friends who wanted to visit but suddenly they arrived lmao. went to amaris to catch up with them. thankfully it was not hourly parking. ate at saung bonang near the billiard place with heri joining us. total bill for five was 126 lmao its rly pocket friendly. heri borrowed my motorbike bcs his friend’s place doesnt have car park. thank god we brought the bike

26 - me and racheel went downstairs to get the hotel bfast. packed fruits, tempe and bread upstairs lol. put our stuffs in royal krakatau. took maxim to pulau kecil. turns out pak asep changed his number. it was raining there, so we sat a bit and got mie rebus. had lunch at amirang (my treat). there was only us inside. the food was okay but the meat was rly overpriced for its amount. went back to the hotel. went to indomaret and mess with racheel to get my stuff. my stupid impatient ass dropped atikah’s brand new iphone while pulling the hotel towel from the bathroom rack. im sorryyyyy. racheel and i swam until maghrib. atikah told us abt her boy “friend”. slept early at like 9-10ish with the usual width but longer leg space

27 - and suddenly its time to go to puskesmas. asked nessa to bring my shoes. said goodbye to friends. BP. there were a lot of patients. kanayam for lunch. i bought shades lol bcs i commute against the sun in the morning. cakap club. watched homcha. fell asleep

28 - vaccine. finished at like 10:30. tried to go to bni to install mbanking but the queue was like 20 ppl. did the outline for the red book. liqo with kak kartika. zoom meeting with dr eva. fell asleep again

29 - vaccine in sma 3 cilegon (cikerai) with bang esa and others. finished at like 2-ish pm. got 750K hehehe. mentoring with dr. Arnadi about KKD and HHS. bought rotbak with nessa. showered and cleaned and fell asleeep

30 - cooked tempe with leftover kanayam chili sauce. bp again. saw interesting cases today, such as fixed drug eruption. bought phd from gofood promo. went to jannor and got the usual kopsus with added espresso (since the min amount for gofood pick up promo was 25k). tried to do prof’s script but cannot, so i searched the literatures needed for dr eva’s project

0 notes

samtheflamingomain · 4 years ago

Text

one week down

I went into inpatient rehab last Monday and figured now would be a good time to give an update. I have a lot to say, but I know not everyone cares deeply about every minute detail, so I'll do a quick highlight reel for those mildly interested.

There's 5 of us, 3 men, 2 women. I'm the youngest by 7 years, and the only one here for just alcohol and weed. We have 6h of mandatory classes/groups every day except weekends when it's 1.5h. The classes are pretty boring and mostly stuff I learned from entry-level CBT/DBT with a few hidden gems of wisdom here and there.

We wake up at 8, DIY breakfast, class for 2.5h, lunch, 1.5h class, break, 1h class, dinner, an optional walk around the block, another 1h class, then bedtime meds and last smoke break at 10pm. No mandatory lights out time but I'm usually exhausted and out by 10:30.

The food sucks, but I'm trying to lose weight so I'm glad it does. I've already lost 6 pounds. On the other hand, I can't remember the last time I ate 2 meals with vegetables for a week straight. I'm smoking 3 times as much as I ever have, because everyone else is a "pack-a-day" smoker and it's been great to take away cravings and also socialize.

I really like the people in the group, and there are 2 staff members who are very well-liked because they're great, 2 that are okay, 2 that are serious hard-asses, and one who's just an outright asshole piece of shit with no business being in the healthcare field.

I'm in a weird kind of mindset where I go back and forth between "I never need to drink again" and "I can probably get drunk once or twice a month, the others here are much worse off than me, so comparatively, my addictions aren't such a big deal". I know that neither of these mindsets are truly healthy. The first because I know there will be days where I will want to drink and I need to plan for that, and the second because I simply cannot do moderation, and my life and problems aren't diminished by the existence of others' problems.

As for poppers, the other thing I'm quitting, I know I can never do them again. Poppers are all-or-nothing. It's impossible to moderate them because I would just do them all day every day, and the few times I've tried to quit them myself, by day 3 I'm digging through garbage to make a DIY bong. Quitting alcohol makes me restless, which I can manage. Quitting poppers makes me so depressed that I get suicidal.

Sorry, that was the "short" version but it got away from me. Now for a bit more detail.

I had to be 5 days sober of alcohol to come in, so it's been nearly 2 full weeks since my last drink, and exactly 2 weeks since the last time I got drunk. I still fantasize about getting sloshed again, but the rational part of my brain is slowly coming back and overriding those thoughts. I haven't had a severe craving to the point where I want to quit or even to the point where I've been super restless, largely because they keep us busy.

Poppers however... on day 2 I was having a fucking breakdown. On the floor sobbing. I went out for a smoke and one of the girls, call her Lisa, was out. I told her how bad I wanted to rip a popper and she said this: "What if you sucked really hard on the cigarette, held it in, then exhaled?" And it fucking worked. Instant headrush. Only about 20% as good as a real popper, but enough that I instantly felt better. Homegirl is a life-saver; I never would've even thought of that because I'd never imagined it would work. Part of doing a popper is smoking a piece of unfiltered cigarette very quickly, so I assumed smoking through a filter wouldn't get the job done.

I miss my kitty, but I'm not homesick like everyone else. They all have kids and 3 are in long-term relationships. 2 are likely going to prison for shit they did while fucked up on opioids and want to show the court that they're working to better themselves and get clean. They have reasons to quit. I... I feel like I really don't.

Yeah, my health has been slowly deteriorating for the past 4-5 years, and I've been very overweight for the past 2-3 years (beer belly), and I spend more money on alcohol than I'd like to admit, but what I spend in a year, Lisa spends on heroin in a weekend. To make things harder for myself, I literally have not had a hangover in 2+ years. I could drink a 26er in 4 hours and wake up absolutely fine.

But I know that my way of life, getting blackout drunk 7 days a week, isn't sustainable. I know that some alcoholics do that for 50+ years, but I'm still pretty young, and I don't want to wake up at age 40 realizing I've pissed away 1/3rd of my life just being drunk.

I guess, when I really boil it down, I want to go back to who I was before I started drinking. I had so much potential to do great things when I graduated high school, and since then it's been a steady decline in my productivity and motivation.

Something that's surprised me about being here is that I've gotten more shit done in the past week than I do most MONTHS. There's a piano that I play for an hour a day, which I haven't done since I was a teenager. There's a treadmill I've used a few times. There's enough down-time for me to work on some embroidery and drawing, but most importantly, I started writing again.

I "finished" my first novel 8 years ago, and I've been trying to rewrite it in its entirety ever since. Draft One was 150,000 words, and Rewrite has been stuck at 25k for almost 2 years now. After a week, it's up to 35k.

And I think I have to attribute this to my lack of drinking. I never realized just how much it affected my motivation before. I used to open the document, force myself to crunch out a paragraph or two and then put it back on the shelf for a few months.

Now, I'm not forcing anything. It's coming to me. I'm inspired. I'm confident. I'm excited.

I've been feeling like I'd lost my spark, my drive to create things, for years now. And it's only been 2 weeks sober and I'm getting that spark back. I guess I do have a reason to quit: I'm not going to accomplish anything, or at least not anything I'm excited about, if I go back to drinking.

Another thing I've noticed is that I'm much more process-oriented. The task of writing always seemed too daunting and stressful because I just want the fucker to be done already. Now, I'm truly enjoying just getting through a scene or chapter. Even just a clever turn of phrase releases the Happy Chemical for me now.

To wrap up this absolute saga of epic length, I want to talk about the people a bit more. It's pretty rare that I get put into a group of people and I genuinely like all of them and none of them annoy me. The last time I was in a classroom with others, we were literally "learning" to identify parts of sentences and doing absolute beginner-level word processing. It was agonizing, because every single person in that class was a fucking idiot and would ask the stupidest questions, take forever to read a paragraph aloud while mispronouncing very common words. I'm not being a know-it-all dick, either. It's objectively true. How do I know? Out of 25, only me and one other person passed the course despite them all attending class regularly.

All that to say, these people are genuinely smart and likeable. John is an absolute encyclopedia on guitars, machinery, cars, and has done pretty much every skilled trade under the sun. He's also had a lot of interesting life experiences. Rick is a yoga guru who brought 12 books ranging from Zen Buddhism to abstract physics, and while I don't believe in 'chakras' and 'healing energies', he doesn't annoy me because he really only talks about it in relation to himself and how it's helped him, which I can respect. Christy is a PSW, and I mention that because she has a way of phrasing things in a wise, educated way, because that's how PSWs get good: they learn to communicate very well. She actually native and lives on a reserve, so she always has something interesting to talk about. Lisa is so well-traveled that when I mentioned I could name all the capitals, she pulled out fucking Tajikistan. She'd never been there. She's also South African and lived during apartheid, and is much more knowledgeable on the subject than myself, and I consider myself pretty well-read on it.

There's no stupid questions that take up half the class to answer, nobody takes 15 minutes to read a paragraph, and everyone is truly putting in the work.

I'm still nervous about coming back home, but my worries get less and less daunting with each passing day.

One week down, 2 more to go. Back at 'er at 9am tomorrow, rain or shine.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

#rehab #alcoholism #drugs tw #alcohol tw #sam

0 notes

xennariel · 7 years ago

Note

fanfic asks: all.

lol Thanks! This took me forever.

1. Do you have a word-count goal for 2018? - Not really, but another 100k would be nice to achieve.

2. Will you participate in any fandom exchanges or fic challenges, etc?- Hopefully Royai Week again and Royai Halloween week since I just was feeling crappy and was too busy to do it last year.

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom in 2018? Which one? - Not really. I have been meaning to delve into WoW fanfiction for a few years now, so maybe that, but it’ll probably just be FMA and my own stuff again because I’m a loser. lol

4. Do you think you’ll stop writing for a fandom in 2018? Which one? - Who knows. It seems like my fics aren’t entertaining anymore or whatever, but I lost quite a few readers in 2017 so that may end up being a deciding factor in whether I continue FMA fanfiction or not. As of now, I don’t think I’ll stop writing for the series though.

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet? - I would really really like to finish Through Eyes of Flame, but it still has a long way to go and, again, because of lack of readers, my motivation to write it is very very low. I’ve had the next chapter halfway completed since September and every time I look at it to try to write for it, I just give up and work on something else. I’ve been working on that fic for almost two years and I just want to finish it already. I think I posted a snippet before, but here’s a bit of the chapter that’s been halfway done for months now:

Red light crackled around Gluttony’s wounds, each bullet hole closing within seconds. No matter how many vital points Riza hit with deadly accuracy, it all proved futile. The hulking homunculus held her off the ground by her throat as she continued to struggle and fire bullet after bullet into its skull. She grit her teeth as Gluttony’s hold on her neck tightened and the click click click of her gun’s trigger indicated she was out of ammo. She dropped her hand to her side and the gun fell to the ground with a clatter.

This was it. This was how she was going to die. She would no longer be able to protect Roy. But at least he would live. He would not be incriminated for what they were doing here. He would go on, working toward their goal without her, and that was enough for her.

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list? - I would love to start writing the Royai mermaid AU I’ve been thinking about a lot. Also perhaps my “Riza was an alchemist the whole time” au. I’ve had so many ideas for those that were stewing around all year, but I didn’t start them because I wanted to finish TEoF first.

7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers? - Definitely try to comment more. I comment every chance I get, but sometimes I still can’t figure out what to say or have a weird anxiety build up that makes me not want to comment, so I want to work on that and make sure every fic I read gets at least an “I liked this” or something. Also if I wasn’t so anxious I’d strike up conversations more often on here with other writers, but I feel like I just annoy people so I avoid talking to anyone unless they talk to me first. It’s stupid, I know, but I just feel like they’d message me if they wanted to talk to me, you know? I need to work on that.

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is 2018 the year? - Ummmmm… I don’t think so? Well, scratch that, I have a lot of horror/tragedy/angsty ideas, but I can get very dark and I have found that I hold back quite a bit with fanfiction in that department. Like… I feel like people would avoid me and not read my stuff if it got that dark so I tend to just write fluff and minor angsty one shots. I even held back on my fic Hollow because I felt like it was getting too dark so I cut a lot of stuff out, rushed it, and lightened it up a bit. I realize people like angst and such, but I worry about scaring off readers. It’s weird. SO, with that said, I would like to write some kind of fic that’s super dark, but I don’t know if anyone would read it. That’s what my original novel is for. lol

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January? - I would love to get the next chapter for Through Eyes of Flame finished and posted by my birthday (Jan. 31). Other than that, I have no plans, but that might change if people send me prompts or something. An anon keeps sending me the prompt “May wasn’t there on the Promised Day and Roy has to burn Riza’s wounds closed.” I like the idea, but I’m not confident enough to write it. I know nothing about the nitty gritty medical details that would go into that so I feel like my attempt would be bad and unrealistic and honestly the only outcome I could see would be Riza dying anyway because burning an artery and just that whole area is bad news and wouldn’t end well, especially because Roy would probably be nervous and have shaky hands and mess up.

10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year? - Probably not beyond posting them to FFNet and AO3. I never really thought about keeping a record of the stuff I write.

11. Would you like to try any new fanfic genres or tropes in 2018? - I think I answered this above, but more Angst and stuff in that vein.

12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite in 2018? - I want to get better at description and make my prose sound nicer. Right now, my writing is very straight forward and not flowery at all. I don’t necessarily like flowery writing as sometimes I have no idea what the author is trying to say if it gets too flowery and purple, but I feel like my writing is very lackluster and missing something. So I’d like to get better at showing and not telling more often.

13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic?- I’d love to get back into drawing far more often. I used to draw all the time in high school. I gave it up for so long after I graduated and I miss it. I only drew a few times last year, but I’d like to pick it up far more often. Like, maybe even do a monthly request type thing where I take requests once a month and draw for people instead of going for, like, five months and then being like “I feel like drawing, send in requests.” I’d just like to do it more often.

14. Have you ever lost large chunks of your work in the past, due to not backing up your work? Will you change your methods in 2018? - Oh yeah. I’ve lost so much stuff because my hard drives have crashed several times in the past, like, ten years. All my old original writing was lost to the void in high school when my Mac’s hard drive crashed for the first time. I did manage to print some of it off though, which I found recently, but it was only a fraction of what I had written in my high school years. It honestly wasn’t great anyway, but it’s still upsetting to lose stuff I worked on for years. It’s why I use Google Docs mostly now and I do have a thumb drive that I download stuff onto occasionally now.

15. Do you foresee any personal or professional obstacles in 2018, that would keep you from creating fanworks?- I really really want to finish my original novel, so fanfics might take a backseat to that if I feel like I’m not keeping up with it well enough. My dream is to be a published author, even if that means publishing myself. Also my dog isn’t doing so well recently and if his ailments progress as rapidly as they seem to be right now… Well I hope it doesn’t come to anything serious, but losing him might take a huge toll on me and I know I’ll probably fall into a serious depression for a long time. Which is why I want to finish my original novel as soon as possible, because I know if I lose him I’ll never finish my book, at least not for a few years.

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted? - Nope, I always post stuff, even if it’s a WIP multichapter. I tend to be proud of stuff and want to get it out to share it asap. It’s why lack of hits/comments/shares upsets me a lot of the time. I wouldn’t share my work if I wasn’t proud of it, but lack of hits and response makes me feel like everything I do is shit.

17. Do you typically answer all comments/reviews individually? Do you plan to change the way you interact with your readers this year? - Yes, especially on AO3. It’s a little harder on FFNet since you have to PM the person and I didn’t even realize you could respond like that until recently. I definitely plan to thank and respond to people individually more often so they know just how much I appreciate their comments.

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method?- Honestly, I really should write the whole damn thing and then post it, but I post each chapter as I go. My problem is that I have a difficult time staying motivated to write something without feedback from people. It’s why writing my original stuff can be so hard at times. I really would like to finish a thing before I begin posting though because that way if I lose motivation, I don’t disappoint people by either not updating for a long time or never updating again.

19. Would you consider non-fandom writing events, like NaNoWriMo or writing contests?- I did Camp Nano where I managed to write 25k words for my original novel. It’s what really helped me get going with that. I wanted to do the actual NaNo event, but was depressed and busy during that time. I would like to do both this year though and maybe finish my book then (though I’d like to be done with my book sooner than that.)

20. Any plans to work on original fiction this year? - Yep, as I said before, I want to finish my book this year. Even if no one reads it, it’s been my dream since middle school to finish and publish it and this is the time I’m going to actually do it. No more sitting on it wishing it would just magically be written for me. Even if people don’t like it, I’m going to finish it because I like it.

#xen responds #fanfiction #writing #meme

2 notes · View notes