#this is delayed from when i was browsing yesterday

[resizura]

Iuis race discourse help noooooo

[cas-backwards-tie]

Chapter Four: The Morning After

The Missing Title

Helmut Zemo x Reader

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Summary: After yesterday's events, it's time to face a ghost from your past. The only problem is, you'd forgotten the Power Broker has a hit out on all of you. When things go sideways, what can you do?

Words: 7.5k

Warnings: Sexual Inferences, Traumatic Flashbacks, Gunfire, Raids, Death, Gory Descriptions, Violence, Existentialism, Guilt, Harsh Self-Judgment,

Mentions of: Talk of Morals, Life,

A/N: It's been awhile, but I love changing up what I'm writing on from time to time and whatever inspires me and doesn't leave me stuck is what I'm working on. I missed Zemo❤️

Slippers shuffling across the polished wooden floor, you revel in the--far too big--terry cloth bathrobe sleeves brushing the backs of your hands. Blasé as you flick on the electric kettle in the kitchen, the simple task of retrieving a mug from one of the cabinets and an accompanying teabag preoccupy your mind.

"Looks like you had fun last night." Sharon's voice elicits a jump as you startle. "Can't say I would've taken you for the type if I'm honest."

While you'd normally be offended any other time, the relaxed nature you'd acquired after sleeping in a warm plush bed luckily isn't as easily swayed. "What do you mean?" You ask, turning to her to in an attempt to gauge her meaning through her eyes.

Sharon gives you a once over, lips opening for a moment before they close. Having gotten out a tub of strawberries from the fancy bottom drawer of her refrigerator, she plucks one from the container. "All I'm saying is... I'd be careful if I were you." Her eyes shift to the table a few feet away before resettling on your figure. Strawberry lingering against her lips, you notice the faint smirk she dawns before she bites into the fruit.

"So... what's the plan?" Sam's groggy voice asks. With a clap of his hands together, he rubs them for a moment before taking a seat at the table just a few feet from the counter. It's only then that you notice you're not alone anymore. Sam sits at the table while Zemo browses the couple of magazines lying there. It's then that her comment dawns on you. Hiding your embarrassed blush behind your cup of tea, you can only hope and pray neither of them heard.

"I was thinking breakfast, then we can devise a plan for Nagel." Sharon posits with a confident air about her. "Please, help yourselves." Rummaging through her kitchen with ease, you tentatively work around her to find something for yourself.

"We cannot afford to delay too long," the Baron says. All the while he's not torn his gaze from the magazine he's picked up and is now flicking through. Part of you can't keep from ogling him; adorned in a matching white bathrobe, he must've found another. Surely that's why Sharon said something, no? Jumping to conclusions? There was no other plausible reason, right?

"Can't say no to that," Sam teases. Closing the laptop he'd only opened moments before, he slides it aside and stands to get himself something to eat. "A cup o' joe never hurt anyone."

"Best way to start off the day right," Bucky's sarcastic tone emanates from the hallway. As he turns the corner you can only hope he's joking. Seems like something he'd find funny. At least from the lack of acquaintance, that's what you'd guess.

"Most important meal of the day and all," Sam digs at him. With a hand gently encompassing your waist, he skirts past you in search of a mug. "You make coffee?" He asks no one in particular.

"No," Sharon responds. As she spreads cream cheese on her bagel, you debate having one yourself. When was the last time you had one? It's not something you'd typically have in your house, not to mention that these look to be high quality.

"Mm-mm," you reply. With your tea, you hadn't thought to make a pot of coffee. Even if you knew they might've wanted one, you wouldn't know where to start.

Halfway through breakfast, you can't help but feel your blissful demeanor start to slip as nerves begin to crawl toward the forefront of your mind. Surely with the fleeting time at hand, you'll be facing a ghost from your past sooner than you'd like.

"What else do we need? I managed to exhaust a connection last night. I found him; Nagel," Sharon informs you all. Running your fingers over the smooth surface of the grape you'd picked up from your plate, you simply listen to them discuss.

"Where is he?" Bucky asks. Dominant hand encapsulating his coffee mug, he doesn't take his eyes off the steam rising from the cup.

"You got earpieces? I can reroute them through my equipment and link us to a private channel for communication." Sam responds before taking a big bite of the bagel he'd gotten himself. It seems finishing off Sharon's bagels is something you'd all inadvertently tacitly decided.

"He's hiding out in the shipyard. I've got a container number here," Sharon answers as she fishes her phone out of her pocket. Placing it down on the table for all to see, she then tosses her crumpled up napkin onto her plate and stands to discard of her dishes. Zemo follows after her with his own.

Attention drawn to your heart thumping in your chest, you can't help yourself as the words slip from your mouth before you've settled on a way to phrase your thoughts. "Sam- I... I need to know what's expected of me before I go in there. Because I'm..." you hesitate, eyes drifting away from his face as you unconsciously bite your lip.

"Did you hear about the wrap party on Friday evening at Brian's place? I heard Janice is bringing her fiancé! We're finally going to meet him." Partially interrupted from the forms you're manually copying from the computer's formulas as security, the older woman leans on your desk, looming over you. "And for the record, everyone's allowed a plus one," she mentions in a sing-song voice. "Are you bringing someone?"

BOOM! It's the aftershock that jolts your writing hand, the calculations jagged. Screams sound throughout the dark lab as you're met with light shining from the direction of the crash. Looking to Denise you're met with her fearful expression. Eyes widened, lips parted in shock, there's blood running down the side of her temple as you stand from your chair. Gunfire echoes and pings off nearby surfaces as her body slumps on top of you, weighing you down. Pinned beneath her motionless body you try to push her off as black and white passes your vision over and over. It's them, the black regulatory shoes, the white lab coats. Your fellow coworkers, the people that've grown akin to family in the past eight months you've been working on this project, all scatter before your eyes.

"-I'm not doing that again. Okay?" Shoving the memories from your mind, your jaw tenses slightly as you try and figure out the plan.

"Doing what, exactly? You know the plan, we've just discussed the plan. You're either in or you're out, and quite frankly, we need you in," Sam argues. Staring you down across the table, he's got a stern look on his face.

"We don't. Still don't even know why she's here," Bucky mutters from beside him. Taking a sip of his coffee, he looks nonplussed about the entire situation at hand.

"Fine. I need you in. Got it?" Sam corrects himself. "You know more about this entire situation than any of us, and that's saying a hell of a lot with Cyborg over here."

A halfhearted chuckle escapes you, your lips twisting in thought. "So we go in there, we interrogate him? Because this is more of a question of build-up. I mean, there's not really the question of how, since we know he's capable, it was just a matter of time." You point out the real problem. "This is tracking back. Who's funding him? Where did he get the supplies and essentials for this? Because this isn't just some seventh grade science project shit! It requires equipment that costs thousands and thousands of dollars," you retort, unable to help yourself from getting louder as your fear and anger start to surface.

"He's working for the Power Broker, Sharon said," Sam reiterates. Placing your closed fist to your lips, your eyes flit around the table, lingering with each person for a moment. "Okay, so... what's the plan?"

"Arrest him. Get him out of the shop so he can't help anymore," Bucky butts in. Knowing him, however, the lie, or sarcasm--whichever it is--is easily detectable.

Lips curling inward, this is exactly what you were scared of. Head lowering for a moment, you can't help but look anywhere aside the table since no one seems to disagree. "Wow," you say, finally raising your gaze again. "Okay, this is exactly why I can't do this. I'm not going to jail."

"No one said-"

"He's sick! Alright? He's sick, but he's not- it's not like we're some evil scientists running around doing shit for... well, maybe he's doing it for the pleasure of it. Not really though since clearly he just wants namesake, but still-"

"Look, if you help us, you'll get pardoned. You won't have to keep hiding. Isn't that why you flew all the way to Germany?" Sam points out.

As silence overtakes the table and you find yourself lost in thought, it's the sudden movement before your face that tears you from your mind. Gloved hand finally dropping back to his side, you question the man with an acknowledging hum. "Hm?"

"I asked if you were done." Eyes wandering up to meet his face, you're met with a strange look from Bucky. With a subtle shake of your head to ground yourself, you reply with a simple nod and smile. The soldier takes your almost empty plate and heads toward the counter.

"You good?" Sam questions from across the table, his eyes on you. "You know I can't afford to lose you now. Not on this," he reminds.

Met with silence, this time it's Sam who breaks the eye contact as he sighs. He quietly says your name. "I can't promise you it won't end the same. I just can't... but you know what's at stake right now, and we can't lose this chance."

"But you get that this isn't just an infiltrate and demolish kind of deal, right? That's the mistake they made last time." You point out. Despite the worry etched across your face, Sam meets you with a look that can only, really, say one thing:

'Really?' A huff of breath leaves him as he tilts his head back a bit and sits up straighter. "You don't need to tell me twice. This is an infiltration and extraction," he assures you.

With that conversation over and your burden lifted from your shoulders, you feel able to continue with the plan. "Good."

"Here we go, then," Sam announces. Standing, he pats your shoulder as he, too, heads off to dispose of his dishes.

Dressed, ready to go, and thirty minutes later your boots stamp against the damp concrete as you follow Sharon through the stacked containers in the shipyard.

"Madripoor could give New York a run for its money," you hear Sam comment behind you.

"They know how to party," Zemo indulges his conversation. An amused smile threatens an appearance as it tugs at the corners of your lips. It seems Zemo's traveled a lot. You'd ask him about his experiences if only it were another time and place. Travelling is something you never had the luxury of doing, but always dreamed of.

Leading the pack, Sharon guides you as she references some tracker or map on her phone. "With that bounty on your head, the longer you're in Madripoor the less likely you're ever leaving." Her words loom ominously over your heads. While last night had managed to temporarily eradicate the reality of being hunted by the Power Broker, the reminder was needed. As she comes to a stop in the junction of four containers, she turns to face you all.

"All right, he's in there: Container 4261," she points out, "I'll keep an eye out while you talk to Nagel, but hurry, we're on borrowed time." Withdrawn from her pocket, she extends a handful of earpieces. As the men grab theirs, you take a deep breath and follow suit. You can do this, you remind yourself. Facing parts of your past may be dreadful, but in this case, there's no way to set things right without having to dive head first into it. There's no use running from it any longer.

Earpiece in place, you follow Sam as he marches right up to the container. He opens it without much trouble. When he doesn't go in, you step out from behind Bucky to see what's up. The container is dark and empty; there's no way that's right. With a look around, it doesn't seem like anyone's followed you, and Sharon said this was the right one. Either someone lied to her, or... there has to be something more.

"Hey, Sharon," Sam calls, testing the communication line. "You sure this is the right one? It's completely empty." As he stands in the doorway, you slink around him and enter the metal box.

"Positive," she confirms, "It has to be."

While it's dark, you can still make out the blank walls of the container. That is, until your light is blocked. You look back to see Sam and Zemo follow after you, yet the light is lacking now. With a faint click Zemo shines a flashlight, something you should've thought to bring. As he steps around you to delve further into the container, you search the side walls for any sort of clue or sign.

All of the sudden there's a loud creak. Stopped in your tracks, you whip your head around to find Zemo's eyes slightly widened and the back wall pushed in. It's a door! As everyone gauges each other upon this revelation, Zemo decides to push it open and see what's inside. With quick feet, you follow him. Before you can follow the set of stairs up and into the light, however, Sam stops the both of you.

Your friend takes the lead as he has his gun held up in a readied stance. A glance behind you shows that Bucky's done the same, his gaze behind himself to make sure you all aren't followed. With quiet and cautious steps, Sam's halfway up the stairs before Bucky pushes past you in pursuit. At the bottom of the stairs, Zemo simply lifts a gloved hand in a tacit gesture. 'Ladies first' you can only hope, gut twisting and turning at the terrifying alternative.

Fluorescent light illuminates your group as you make your way into the laboratory. 'You know I'm waitin' here for you~' Music plays loudly throughout the container and you can't help but wonder how this man possibly thought it was a good idea. Wouldn't he be ready for something like this? It's that thought that instantly has you recoiling into yourself mentally. You weren't expecting it. None of you were when the SWAT raided that lab. 'Comin' home, baby, now. You don't know what I'm goin' through~'

As you all spread out, you find yourself lagging behind as you're more interested on the setup rather than the man. After all, this... is some authentic tech. An actual laboratory, an expensive one at that. Eyes running over the grow lights, the centrifuges, melting point actuator, it's clear there's more than meets the eye.

Suddenly the music stops. "Doctor Nagel?" Sam's voice calls out.

"Who are you? What do you want?" That familiar nasally voice responds. The creeps run up your spine and elicit a shiver from you.

"We know you created the super-soldier serum," Sam states.

"Get out of my lab," Nagel responds. As you contemplate approaching and interfering, the sound of footsteps makes you halt.

"Hey!" You hear Sam call out. He's trying to flee, your anxious mind worries. He doesn't really think you'll just let him go... does he? As the footsteps cease, you gauge Bucky, the closest person to you. "You know who he is, right?" The soldier's gaze is focused on something, and you realize Nagel has to be right behind the corner, a machine blocking your view of one another. There's no response. "This is Baron Zemo. I know you've heard of him, too, right?"

Someone stumbles a couple feet before you; it only takes a split-second to recognize it's Nagel. "You seem like a pretty smart guy," Sam compliments, "So you better become conversational real quick." It's then you notice how your friend has a hand wrapped around Nagel's bicep. With a shove of him into the metallic wall, the scientist turns.

Unfortunately for you, Zemo had taken it upon himself to insert himself between you and Sam. He clearly wants a piece of Nagel. You're still blocked from view though, unable to determine what exactly is going on. "How about a counter proposal?" Nagel barters. As you step out from Zemo's shadow and get closer to Sam is when it happens. He sees you; there's a faint look of recognition in his eyes, a parting of his lips, and a slight furrow of his brow. "Make me a better offer and I'll talk."

Despite your past, your presence doesn't deter him. He's far gone. The creepy and nihilistic man you once knew is now completely devoid of any self-preserving instinct. "Guys, we have company," Sharon's voice warns through the earpiece.

All the sudden it seems like Bucky's had enough. With a sturdy hand he grabs Nagel by the shirt before tugging him closer. Shifting his hand onto his collar he guides the weak man toward an empty chair before forcing him into it. Never straying the gun from its target--his head--Bucky intimidates him. "You're with these guys?" He questions, spitting in your direction as his eyes draw in on you, narrowing with contempt. "Who's to say you weren't the little rat all those years ago?" A vile laugh emanates from the man as he throws his head back.

Jaw clenching, hands balling up into fists, you internally writhe in the anger he's stirring up. Someone might have spilled the project's secret contents to the Government, but it certainly wasn't you. That information would cost most of your coworkers their lives, and leave the rest scarred, scared, and forever fleeing from the fed's eyes in search of security and home. You'd never betray your family like that. Never, not even for reward.

"Every bounty hunter in the city is here-" Sharon's voice comes through again. "We gotta go!"

The metallic echo of a round piercing the wall somewhere behind Nagel elicits a gasp from both you and said weasel of a man. Bucky doesn't even need say anything to intimidate him. "Okay! Okay, I was brought into HYDRA's Winter Soldier program to pick up their work after the five failed test subjects in Siberia." Despite his clear fear shown in not meeting any of your eyes, Nagel starts to gain confidence as he takes his time. "When HYDRA fell, I was recruited by the CIA, as you know." Eerie blue eyes settle on you as he speaks.

"They had blood samples from an American test subject with semi-stable traces of serum in his system. After much labor, I was able to isolate the necessary compounds in his blood. I recreated it on my own. Without any of you. I was a god. I did what no other scientist since Erskine was able to do."

The monotonous tone of his voice starts to wear on you, and despite knowing what he's talking about, you don't dare interrupt him when he's on a roll and bound to spill something. Anything. And it doesn't just seem to be you, either, as Zemo turns his back on him, beginning to walk around the lab analyzing the environment.

"But mine was going to be different. No clunky machines or jacked up bodies. Mine was going to be subtle, optimized, perfect," Nagel brags.

"How have we never heard about this?" Sam's voice is quiet in comparison as everyone's eyes turn to him momentarily.

"You haven't?" Nagel's questioning look toward Sam turns into a glare as he hones back in on you. "You haven't," he repeats, a slight shake of his head. One that almost reminisces of disapproval. "Because..." He begins to answer Sam's query. "Before I was able to complete my work, I turned to dust. Then when I returned, it was five years later, program had been abandoned, so I came here. The Power Broker was more than happy to fun the recreation of my work."

Just like any other day in your office--a laboratory--nothing was unordinary. Of course, you knew of the tensions in the East, and while things had been on and off going for years now, the presence of aliens that day would have made things known earlier, if only you all hadn't been shut inside work with your faces buried in the business you were hired to do. Regardless... even if you knew what was coming, was there anything you could do to change the way things would inevitably unfold? No.

While the Avengers might have been off fighting on your worlds' behalf somewhere in the East, you were busy doing what you could too. Had you realized your employer's intentions from the beginning, would it have changed things? Perhaps. But you can't go back and change time.

It happened in an instant; the gasps and crashes of different equipment dropping all around you had the group of you in panic. Looks around only left the lot of you puzzled and in distress as your coworkers and friends began crumbling before your vision into what could only be described as a powdery dust.

Wilfred Nagel was one of them. It was probably the only time you'd seen any notion of some tell in emotion on his face.

Eyes widened in fear as the beaker fell through his disintegrated hand, both of your attention shifted from the broken glass up to one another's faces. Despite being across the room from one another, the utter look of despair, distraught, and utter horror behind his irises had him seeking out help. You were frozen in place, stock still, as whatever it was continued to consume his body rapidly in an eerie, silent, and fast pace. His lips parted as he tried to say something... but by then it was too late. The last of it eviscerated his face and dissolved the man right before your very eyes. It was the last time you'd ever see him.

Or so you thought.

"How many vials did you make?" Sam prods, attempting to get the facts.

"Twenty," Nagel answers. The lack of emotion or concern on his face only causes dread to further sink in the pit of your stomach. He'd already been frighteningly stoic when you'd first met the man upon hire, but this... this feels as though he came back vile, with any sort of remorse he'd held out for humanity wiped clean. Revenge consumed him whole, and now he was nothing but a shell of the man he used to be.

"You didn't!" You exclaim, brows furrowed in shock.

"Karli Morgenthau stole those, so... I can only imagine what the Power Broker has planned for that poor girl." The lack of remorse, the apathetic speak of logical contemplation leaves you angered.

"Where's Karli now?" Sam interrogates.

"I don't know where she is, but a couple days ago she called and asked if I could help someone named Donya Madani. Poor woman has tuberculosis," Nagel explains.

"And you didn't. Did you?" You poke at him, no longer able to hide your equal contempt for the man.

"-Typical of overpopulation in displacement camps like that," he continues.

"Well, what happened to her?" Sam asks, clearly unamused by the need to continue prodding for information that's clearly relevant.

"Not my pig, not my farm," Nagel answers. A sneer displays itself across your face and you can't keep yourself from turning on him. It's one thing to be a scientist, to understand many of the mechanics that make up life... but it's another to be heartless and cruel. To not help those in need? Those without the capabilities, knowledge, or necessities? And after the Snap? When so many suffered. You'd seen how people rallied together, how humanity actually felt like it meant something again, and now? Now it's like none of that ever mattered anymore.

"Is there any serum in this lab?" Bucky questions, finally putting his hat in the ring. It only takes a moment of silence for the soldier to press the barrel of his pistol into Nagel's temple. Whatever apathy had been there before is now replaced with fear again. Clearly, he has the ability to feel something.

"No," Nagel answers.

"Now what?" Bucky asks. Both of you look toward Sam as he'd been the one leading this plan originally.

Just then you spot someone run in. "Guys, we're seriously outta time here-" Sharon exclaims. A gunshot rings out. You jump, body going rigid. "No!" You hear Sam yell, motion on either side of you as you hear the shuffle and bang of someone shoved into the container's wall. Eyes settled on Nagel's body lying on the floor, blood pooling from his chest out onto the pristine floor. It stains his shirt, the dark red bleeding into the blue fabric and turning it a dark sort of maroon. You can't bring yourself to look away.

"What did you do?" Sharon urges.

Boom! You're thrown to the floor, heat burning your backside as a weight lies heavy across your side. An alarm blares throughout the lab and groans emanate from across the aisle. You don't know when you closed your eyes, but upon opening them you're met with Bucky's stoic expression. Eyes searching one another's momentarily his blue eyes scan you before he's pushing himself up and off you.

"You okay?" The soldier asks. All you can do is nod.

It'd all happened so fast.

He'd saved you; having pushed you out of the way he must've landed on you partially. It all happened so fast. As the soldier pushes himself back up onto his feet you can see the fire roaring behind him. What the fuck happened? There was nothing that should've caused an explosion like that. At least... nothing you saw.

The alarm is loud, yet the clinking of vials and test tubes rattling in their sets are ominous in a way that immediately sets you into flight mode. There are chemicals and compounds here that will cause a secondary explosion any second now. Reality set in, you immediately follow Bucky's lead as you push yourself up, uncaring of the glass shards that may imbed themself in your palms. Glass crunches beneath your boots as you stumble, and there's a faint hissing that reminds you of the kettle this morning. Only you know this is far more dangerous.

"Anybody see Zemo?" Sam's voice calls out. You hardly make it out as the alarm drowns him out, yet you heard him just barely. You'd seen it. In your peripheral you'd seen something fly by in the corridor. It had to be Zemo. That's the only explanation that makes sense. With Sam's concern in your mind, you can only think of one thing to do.

You take off after Zemo.

"Let's go!" It's Bucky's voice. He's got them, Sharon and Bucky; he'd never leave them behind, from everything you know about him, and even if he did- they're more than capable of taking care of themselves.

You've barely caught up. The tail of his expensive coat is all you're chasing. Rounding one corner and then the next, you follow him blindly through the shipyard. Boot-clad feet stomp against the pavement in matching strides as you chase after him. "Stop!" You yell. "Stop running!" You refuse to let him get away.

Surprisingly, it works. Zemo comes to a halt and lingers for a moment as you close the distance between you. Finally a matter of an arm's length away, you don't know what you'll do to subdue him and stop him from running off again, but you're not thinking straight. He's suddenly turning toward you. "I'm not letting you-" the rest of your sentence is muffled under his glove. Pressed up against the closest container, Zemo stares down at you with ferocity in his eyes and his leather glove covering your mouth. Surprise quickly turns to understanding in your eyes as his tacit request is met. Be quiet.

The sound of thudding footfall approaching comes to a stop and you realize that your yelling might've drawn unwanted attention. Metallic pings resound in the distance from ricocheted fire and you know that the fight is going on back where you'd come from. It's a matter of moments before the thudding returns and you both listen to the bounty hunters run on the other side of the container toward the commotion.

Pushing his gloved hand off your mouth, you glare up at him. "I'm not letting you get away," you scold him in a whisper.

"I'm not running away," Zemo bites back at the same volume. With a look around he slowly steps back before returning his gaze down to you. "Follow me. Stay close."

The Baron takes off again, this time with you close behind. You round a container only to be met with two men wielding guns; where you halt, Zemo has no hesitation and charges into one of them. He knocks the shoulder of one, his hands going to the gun and trying to disarm him. It's then that you notice the other raising the gun at you. Jumping aside, you feel something graze your bicep as a whiz resounds beside you. Heart accelerating rapidly, you're left scrambling to your feet when you find yourself towered over. Who it is? You can't tell fast enough as you're being kicked back onto your butt, pain spreading through your stomach. As you look up at your attacker, you find he's being pulled backward by Zemo, effectively taking the man by surprise as the gun drops.

The other bounty hunter is slumped against the nearest container with blood dripping from his temple. "Ack!" The pained noise elicited from Zemo captures you're attention and you're reaching for the gun that'd clattered onto the pavement. Luckily it didn't go off- not that you have time to think on it now. In a tangle of bodies, the two men are still wrestling one another. With a slow lift of the gun, you're aiming it, finger hovering over the trigger.

Eyes drawn to the movement of the man's hands into his pockets retrieving a switchblade, you can't breathe as the juxtaposition of Zemo finally trapping him in a headlock does nothing. He's going to get stabbed. Bang! Smoke trickles from the chamber as you stand there, watching as the man's body falls limp, the dot of red on his shirt beginning to pool. "Good," Zemo praises, shrugging the body out of his hands and onto the pavement. "I doubted you had it in you for a moment there," he chuckles to himself as he dusts off his gloves.

Stepping over the body, he approaches, lifting your hands into his own as he presses the gun back into them upon spotting you attempting to dispose of it. "Take this." Pistol shoved back into your hands, you quickly right it and do as you've seen in your limited exposure and on tv. "You will need it."

There's no words coming out. Nothing you can say to stop the pit in your stomach from deepening. You might not have time to think on the precarious thoughts tempting to take center stage, yet you know you can't let yourself do so. "We need higher ground," he mutters. With a final look around he sets off. Vaulting himself onto the stack of barrels and pallets at the other end of the container, he gains leverage to climb atop. You follow suit.

"You're supposed to follow me!" Sam yells.

"And where are we now?" Bucky counters.

You can hear them arguing even from here. Wherever here is. While the Baron might take big strides resulting in the obvious clank, clank, clank of his boots against the metal, you take quieter more cautious steps. He retrieves something from his pockets, and it's only as he tugs it over his head you realize it's a mask. Why though? You're unsure. As you rear closer you can see he was right: you have a better vantage point from here. Worry washes over you as you spot your friends trapped under a shipping container with people approaching on either side.

Without warning, Zemo aims and shoots a pipe a few meters away. Boom! In a fiery explosion you watch as a group of bounty hunters going after your friends burn. They're down. The Baron takes the lead as he jumps down onto the adjacent container and launches himself off that one down onto the concrete.

Dodging one man's advances, the Baron shoots the attacker's partner before spinning, using that same man as a shield to shoot another bounty hunter approaching from the container to your right.

Still standing atop the container, you watch as some more people file in from the left. They're in a blocked viewpoint from your friends. Crouching, you vault yourself off the container and ignore the pain that shoots up your shins as you try to catch the attackers off guard. Gun aimed before you, the first man walks out into the open before you shoot him. Pop! Pop! Pop! One man down. Two to go. The next two emerge, one darting for their friend in an attempt to save him. You take that opportunity to shoot. He's injured, but not dead yet when you feel something whiz by you. The third man, who'd taken your opportunity to his advantage is coming for you! Another bang comes from behind and you find yourself cowering, hands covering your head as you realize someone is shooting at you too! You're screwed.

The advancing man coughs, however, blood sputtering at his lips as he comes to a halt. With a shaky hand he lifts it to his stomach before you turn and see that it wasn't someone out to get you... but was someone protecting you? It was Zemo... and knowing him, you'd sooner guess that he was simply finishing the job so your friends can make a quick exit.

You watch as Buck leads Sharon and Sam down an aisle. With a quick look between the two, Zemo's closer. While you've been left behind, you chase after the Baron who's only a few feet ahead of you. Every few feet he slows down, head turning this way and that as you eventually realize he's reading the numbers on the shipping containers. While you have no idea why, you don't question him. He turns a corner and stops. Opening the latch, he spots you in his peripheral as he turns his head and waves you closer. "Get in."

While it's almost pitch black inside as the shipping containers parallel this one are stacked high enough to block out most of the sun, you can see the shadow of a large object. Gently guiding you further inside, there's a faint click before the container is illuminated. His flashlight, right. Why hadn't you thought of one of those? Or better yet, why didn't Sam, for God's sake? You'd think someone with more experience would've guessed what we were up against beforehand.

Lips parting in awe, you can't help but ogle the car for a moment as you don't think you've ever had the luxury of being in a convertible. "Hello," Zemo practically purrs, and you're more than sure it's for the car. After having seen his little collection back in Germany, it's clear he has a thing for them. "Ladies first," he teases. This time you know it's toward you, and while the car is pressed up against one of the walls of the container, it makes getting in the passenger's seat difficult. With that in mind, you simply opt for the back. Climbing in behind Zemo as he takes the driver's seat, you meet his eye in the rearview mirror as he adjusts it. "Like what you see?"

"Can't say you don't have taste," you joke. With that, you're out of there. The wind whips around you, and you're suddenly thankful you'd tied it back this morning as the car expertly swerves and maneuvers the crates. The car eventually rolls to a stop just before your friends. "Supercharged," Zemo touts, a small smirk tugging up the corner of his lips.

"You're going back to jail," Sam states, clearly unamused. You hadn't even had time to think about how Zemo found them before the banter began. Geez.

"Do you want to find Karli or not?" Zemo asks, trying to ration with him. An eyebrow quirked, you all wait for their response.

"He's right. We need him. There's two of us and at least twenty of them," Bucky defends. Opening the passenger side door, he climbs in. Sam opts for the back seat beside you. Any other time you might be offended that Bucky hadn't included you in the count, however you're sure he sees you more as a Bioengineer than a Fighter.

"Fine, but if you try that shit again," Sam warns, still eyeing Zemo skeptically.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Zemo quips smoothly. With a shake of your head and a roll of your eyes, you decide to chime in.

"Hey, at least I didn't let him get away," you point out. If there's anything you accomplished today, it was that.

"I saw that," Sam acknowledges, a chuckle escaping him as he shakes his head with a reluctant smile on his face.

"Well, that was one hell of a reunion," Sharon comments as she shuts the back seat door. Wait. She's not coming?

"Come back to the States with us," Sam offers in an attempt to persuade her.

"I told you, I can't. Just get me that pardon you promised me," she responds. With that, she's headed in the direction you'd come from. Fortunately, you know that you'd gotten every bounty hunter you'd come across. She should be alright, she can clearly handle herself. At least, that's what you tell yourself out of comfort.

"Thanks for everything," Sam calls after her. Sliding down into his seat, he turns his sight toward the seat in front of him. Where Bucky sits. "You're not gonna move your seat up, are you?"

"No," the soldier responds without hesitation. This elicits a chuckle on your behalf, though a pointed look from Sam is all it takes for you to pull your attention elsewhere.

--------

While you were out of leads and aboard Zemo's private jet once more, you have no idea where it's taking you all. Did Sam really intend on returning to the US and harboring a fugitive? Were you going to give up and just go home? The morose thoughts had consumed you since you'd gotten to safe space.

Eyes on Madripoor's city lights disappearing under the settling fog over the island, you can't help the incessant bouncing of your knee as worry brews within you. The recent memories of shooting those men in the shipyard gnaw at your moral scale; you may have never been directly involved with the Avengers, or your friend's antics, but that doesn't mean you hadn't done bad things in life. Yet... taking someone's life? That's on an entirely different scale, you fear. Sure, you could argue that they were after you and it was a matter of self defense, yes... but was it? Couldn't you have taken them out some other way? Rendered them unconscious?

Nevertheless, there's no point in arguing the different ways today could've unfolded when there's no way to change what happened. It doesn't change things. You killed two people, aided and abetted in more deaths. That's blood on your hands, something that despite the physical act of washing them of their blood, will never truly rid them of the true sentiment.

You can spot Zemo drying his hands off on a towel as he heads toward the galley in your peripheral, Sam pacing the short distance of the aisle repeatedly as he'd picked up a call you can only assume is business related.

"Donya Madani. She's a refugee, yeah," Sam explains over the phone. His voice stirs you from your internal war, the recipient on the other end must be done talking for now.

"I still don't understand how you can get service up here," you mutter jokingly to yourself. "Always thought the plane was supposed to explode or some shit if that happened." Head leant back against the jet's leather seat, you turn your attention onto Sam, watching him pace.

At this point you can deduce who's on the other end of the line. Joaquin must say something as Sam quiets again, the cabin silent for another moment, the only sound being that of the wind passing by the windows and the simultaneous quiet roar of the jet's engine.

"Okay. Call me if you get a hit," Sam instructs. Heart leaping in your chest, you know he's about to hang up.

"Say 'hi' for me, please!" You shout, not wanting Sam to ignore you, and to miss this opportunity. Joaquin's been your best friend since you were kids, after all, and you miss him. If today had shown you anything, it's that you weren't the only ones after the serum, and there were people willing to kill in order to protect it. Tomorrow is not guaranteed by any means.

"Thanks, Torres," Sam responds after another moment. "Oh, and-" Sam says your name, "says 'hi'." A light-hearted and audible huff of breath leaves the man as he plops back into his seat. "He says 'hi' back for the record." There's a tired smile on your lips as Sam releases a sigh. It's clear that exhaustion has consumed your group for the time being and rest is needed.

"You okay?" Bucky speaks up, turning his head toward your friend.

"Yeah," Sam responds, though it doesn't sound entirely convincing. "Just thinkin about all the shit Sharon had to go through. And Nagel referring to the American Test Subject like Isaiah wasn't even a real person." The Avenger sits up, turning to face the soldier. Your lips curl inward in a grimace as guilt sits heavy on your chest. Hopefully, Sam doesn't think of you the same.

There was a reason Nagel referred to 'Isaiah' like that. And while you might only just be learning the name of the test subject yourself, you have no idea of his background. The government did it on purpose. Most clinics do it intentionally; it's a way to keep things isolated and somewhat confidential. Almost like a doctor's confidentiality agreement. The government may know the details concerning Isaiah's specimen, but you, the scientists handling it were never to know.

And you know the only reason is to cover up America's hands getting dirty.

While you'd drifted into your own thoughts again while the boys were talking, you finally manage to tune back in. Whether they know the circumstances of your employment or not isn't really necessary at the moment.

"But maybe I made a mistake," Sam says. Though you're now lost as to what the topic's about.

"You did," Bucky agrees.

"Yeah," Sam continues, "Maybe I shouldn't have put it in a museum, maybe I should have destroyed it."

The shield. That damned thing, that's what this is about. Garnering your attention, you can't help but eavesdrop. Albeit, you're sure they know considering it's a small space. Not that you'd ever divulge any sensitive information if it were to come out.

"Look, that shield represents a lotta things to a lotta people, including me," Bucky points out. "The world is upside down, we need a new Cap, and it ain't gonna be Walker, so before you destroy it, I'll take it from him myself."

You wonder what Bucky's plan is, and how exactly he determines to do that... but you also know it's not your place to ask. It certainly isn't the time either, considering all of your emotional states. Just as the buzzing of someone's cellphone chimes throughout the cabin, Zemo returns. Plate in hand, he wordlessly offers you it. Dinner, you suppose.

"Thanks," you graciously respond while taking the plate into your hands and place it across your lap. A silent nod of his head, you take that as the closest thing to 'you're welcome' that you'll receive.

"Yeah?" Sam says. "Yeah... yeah. Okay." The boys, focused on the call, Sam listening while Bucky stares, as if trying to read the man and figure out what's going on before Sam can say, Zemo returns again. Two plates in his hands this time, he offers the men dinner as well. "Thanks, good work." As the Baron takes a seat beside the men, you all wait intently for whatever news it is Sam's gotten. "They found Madani. Dead. She died in Riga, a city near the Baltic Sea."

Sat in contemplation upon the revelation, Zemo suddenly points his finger, the motion catching your eye. "I have a place we can go," he announces. While none of you question it, you can't help but wonder about it. How many places does he have? And where? All across the globe? How long does his contact list go, exactly? Yet, the Baron sits back in his seat, an unreadable expression across his face. "I, for one, am looking forward to coming face to face with Karli." As you all process the change in plans, Zemo speaks up again. "Oeznik, we're changing the course."

--------

forever taglist: @ohdamnadam , @jynzandtonic , @safarigirlsp , @moonlightsolo , @penelopepine

tmt taglist: @wheres-mylove , @ashy-kit

[asirensrage]

Saudade - Chapter 45

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Mikey x OC, Hanma x OC, Ran x OC, Mikey x OC x Draken Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Warnings: swearing, violence, threats of violence, murder, smoking, sex, consensual sex between teenagers, alcohol, recreational drug use, mention of trafficking, torture, family neglect, mentions of sexual violence. isekai OC. memory loss. unbeta’d **warnings are not exhaustive** Summary: No one seems to realize she doesn’t belong until she finally runs into her “new” brother, Hanagaki Takemichi. Now, hearing his story, Takara makes the choice to help him and hopefully find her way home, but faking it til you make it only lasts so long when you start losing the memories of the life you had before. As Takemichi becomes the only family she’s ever known, how far will she go to protect him?

notes: Sorry for the delay…aka not updating yesterday when I had planned. I meant to and just…forgot lol. I hope you're enjoying the fic so far. We have some…big things coming. As always, please let me know what you think! <3! Expect spoilers for the manga from here on out.

also on ao3 fic masterlist - prev chapter

When she’s sitting on Mikey’s lap, half naked and resting her chin on his shoulder, she makes a choice. She kisses his neck. “I think I’m ready to talk to Draken.”

His fingers trail up and down her back. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” she says softly. “It’s been too long and I can’t ignore him forever. Not when we’re doing this together,” she laughs slightly.

“Fucking?”

That makes her snort and she smacks him. “I’m not fucking him.”

He hums softly, kissing her shoulder. “He’s probably outside. Not talking to you might be killing him.”

“Mikey!” She sits up, looking at him. “You never told me.”

He shrugs. “He deserved it.”

Takara sighs softly before smiling and leaning forward to kiss him. He kisses her back instantly until she pulls away. “You’re so good to me,” her voice is quiet.

“You’re mine,” he says. “Promised to take care of you.”

“And I take care of you.” He kisses her again, harder this time before she breaks it. He chases her lips until she’s laughing as she leans away, pushing him back. “Okay, okay! Let me go talk to him.”

It takes five more minutes before he finally lets her go so they can both fix their clothing.

⛸️

Mikey follows her out, arm around her waist to keep her at his side and support her weight off her ankle. True to his word, Draken is outside the door as if he’s standing guard as he leans against the wall. Takara swallows at the pink on his cheeks.

“Hey,” she says softly, trying to ignore the fact that he clearly heard them. Again.

He looks down at her in surprise and she thinks she can see his shoulders drop as if in relief. “Hey.” There’s a moment of silence before he continues. “I need to talk to you.”

“I know,” she nods. “We can…” she stops herself from offering going back into the room she just had sex with Mikey in. “Let’s go do Karaoke.”

Both of the men turn to stare at her, confused. “What?”

“Karaok..” Mikey trails off, seemingly lost in thought.

Takara nods. “Yeah. We can talk there.” She’s not entirely sure why she suggests it, she’s never actually been to Karaoke before in this life, but maybe that’s why. It’s a neutral place where they won’t really be overheard or seen and if things go wrong, she’ll leave and never have to go back to face any potential bad memories. It’s all about mitigating the problems before they actually become one.

⛸️

Draken leads the way, paying for an hour in a karaoke room without grumbling. They grab drinks simply to erase any suspicion while Takara takes her time to browse through the song selection. If this goes well, she’ll have to come back. Maybe with Yuzuha. Just to try it out.

Once the door closes and the lights dim automatically, Takara sits down on the couch facing the television. Mikey sits next to her, thigh pressed against hers. Draken remains standing before he shoves the table over with his foot and kneels in front of her. Watching him bow, head to the floor in a deep apology makes her throat tighten.

“Dra-”

“I’m sorry,” he cuts her off. “I made a foolish mistake, one that sprung from memories of the last dinner I had in the Sano household. I didn’t mean to call you her name, Takara. I know you’re not her.”

“I–” she forces herself to take a deep breath, trying to keep herself from crying as she can feel the lump in her throat grow. “I don’t want to replace her.” Mikey’s arm moves, curling around her and lending her his strength in this moment. He’s stiff though, a reminder that they’re talking about his dead sister. Takara can’t imagine losing a sibling. She hopes she never does. She places a hand on his thigh, trying to ground both of them.

“You won’t. You aren’t,” he insists. Draken doesn’t raise his head though.

She doesn’t know if she believes him. The doubt festers in her, even as she's aware of how much he means this. He wouldn’t have his head to the ground if he didn’t. “I…I accept,” she finally says. They need to work together and even though his words have reopened old wounds, she needs to heal. Grief isn’t linear, she remembers someone once telling her. Accidents happen.

“Mikey, I owe you an apology to you too,” he says, still not moving from his position. “My actions ruined your birthday, one we should have all been celebrating together. It’s my fault. I broke a good moment with the reminder of your loss.”

Mikey seems to stiffen further and Takara looks over at him. His gaze has shuttered, eyes going blank like they do when he’s overwhelmed. She’s seen him too much like this. It’s only when he wakes up from the nightmares, remembering the feel of Emma’s body going still and cold on his back, that he reacts with his emotions. They’ve spent too many nights with Mikey curled into her arms, face buried in her neck as he cries.

She reaches out and weaves her fingers between his, holding his hand and leaning further into him.

��Our loss,” he finally says. “Emma loved you as much as you love her. We share her loss.”

Now, she feels like an outsider. Emma was her friend but they weren’t close. She pulls back slightly but Mikey tightens his grip on her hand. “Takara’s forgiven you. There’s nothing else to apologize for. Get up.”

Draken rises first to his knees and Takara’s breath hitches at the sight of him there before them. Mikey’s grip on her hand tightens for a second, quick enough that she thinks she almost imagines it before remembering how his emotions and jealousy have already been heightened this day. She hopes she hasn’t made it worse.

Draken finally meets her eyes. “It’s never going to happen again.”

Takara nods because she’s not entirely sure she can speak without saying something that’s going to end up pissing one of them off. She doesn’t believe him because the truth is she’s taking over a spot that really shouldn't be hers but she’s forced her way in. Again.

He looks at her like he knows what she’s thinking but he doesn't press. Neither does Mikey. Draken pulls out a prerolled joint and the three of them learn how to smoke it together, laughing as they all cough and get used to it. Takara’s experience in smoking cigarettes leaves her coughing the least. Surprisingly they don’t get kicked out.

She ends up squashed between the two of them, Mikey’s head in her lap, as they sit in silence…aside from the music that’s playing automatically. She feels a little light headed and dazed in a way that feels good. It’s not that everything’s heightened, but she feels like she’s left any of her stress and worry behind. The weed works to break down the last of the tension that remains from the apology and reason it was needed between them.

Pressed between their bodies, Draken leaning into her and her fingers running through Mikey’s hair as he rests on her is more comforting than she expected. It’s not as awkward as she thought it would be. Then again, Draken has heard them having sex multiple times already, so she doubts there are boundaries even left at this rate. She rests her head against his shoulder and closes her eyes. She feels good.

⛸️

“You look like shit.”

“Well, we can’t all look like supermodels,” Takara teases as she laces up her skates. Draken and Mikey are both here, but they’ve given her space to actually talk to Yuzuha. It helps that her friend is willing to skate with her. “Come here, you need those tighter,” she says, motioning to the skates Yuzuha has on. They’re both in figure skating skates this time. Takara relaces Yuzuha’s, pulling them tight to support the ankle better.

Takara didn’t break her ankle, thankfully, and it’s not a bad sprain but she won’t be able to do any tricks this time around. They really will just skate.

“What happened this time?”

“South tried to recruit me. Didn’t like my answer.”

“You ran your mouth off to him, didn’t you?” her friend asks, laughing slightly.

“It’s not my fault he’s a giant! All I did was ask where his beanstalk was!” That makes her laugh harder and Takara grins back before leading the way to the ice.

It isn’t her first time skating with an ankle that is still healing and she knows she needs to take it slow, but the temptation to pick up speed and thrive in this environment is tempting. Yuzuha seems to know it because she keeps their arms laced together as they skate around the rink.

“Your brother came to see me,” Takara says softly. The motions of skating come as easily as walking but Yuzuha is not as steady and she has to hold her up to keep her from falling a few times.

“I know,” she doesn’t look at her, focused on staying upright. Ice skating is harder than the rollerblading they did last time. “He asked to meet me.”

“Did you?”

Yuzuha nods. “I wanted to hear what he’d say. It took a bit, but I think he was actually listening this time.” She snorts softly. “You’d almost think he was different except for how he ranted against our friendship. Told him to go fuck himself.”

Takara lets out a sharp laugh at that. “This is why you’re my favourite,” she says, pulling Yuzuha closer.

She grins at her. “Not Mikey?”

“Well, if we’re not counting how well they get me off…”

Yuzuha laughs, startling herself before she covers her mouth and downright giggles. It sets off Takara and both of them have to stop because they’re laughing too hard.

⛸️

“So I’m gonna do what you’d classify as something stupid,” Takara says on their third lap around the ice. She’s waved to the guys each time they pass them, but the first time sent Yuzuha giggling again when Mikey tried to stop her and that made Takara laugh as she darted them out of the way.

“What now?”

Takara falls silent, wondering how to say it. She’s already told Mikey and Draken about it, but asked them not to say anything. The only reason either of them know is because she knows Mikey would never let her out of his sight without a good reason. Takara tells Yuzuha quietly, making sure they’re not heard despite the way their voices can echo if they’re loud enough. Yuzuha stops skating and forces Takara to follow.

“You’re sure?”

Takara nods. “I know it’s extreme but I think it’s…the best choice. It’s not going to be easy, but it’ll end things quickly and we won’t have to worry about…” she trails off.

Yuzuha stares at her for a long moment. “Do…do you need help?”

Affection floods through Takara at the question. Yuzuha doesn’t try to convince her to change her mind, doesn’t really question it. It’s complete trust that her friend has in her and it’s enough to cement this choice in Takara’s mind. “No,” she says softly, hugging the girl quickly. “I’ll be fine.”

⛸️

tag list: @raith-way @zeleniafic @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse

@themaradwrites @kingsmakers @thatmagickjuju @awkwardchick87 @hayatoseyepatch

tr tag: @mitsuwuyaa @blackfire2013 @bleach-your-panties @reiners-milkbiddies @tenjikusstuff4

saudade tag: @thisbicc @scythegal @bontenxo

network tag: @pixelcafe-network

[eris-rose]

How Delaying the Instrumentals in Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" Makes the Song Even Better

And now for something completely different.

I'm not exactly a Swiftie, but I have a passing respect for Taylor Swift as an artist. I generally enjoy when her songs come on during a dance or on the radio. However, I really like "Blank Space" specifically, and it's the only one of her songs I actually have on my playlist. I love the cold-sounding yet beautiful production, the evocative lyrics, and Taylor's outfits in the music video.

However, yesterday when I was mindlessly browsing YouTube, I came across the Grammy-winning masterpiece "Blank Space - Taylor Swift but the instrumentals is 15 seconds delayed" by YouTuber "who are they?" This deceptively simple shitpost accidentally turned a solid 9/10 song for me into a 10/10, and I encourage you all to listen to it now:

In this version of Blank Space, the song becomes more disturbing and stands out more due to the unconventional structure of the music. The simple editing choice to delay the instrumentals by 15 seconds changes the tone of multiple parts of the song in very interesting ways.

First, the beginning of the song is now a cappella. Instead of starting off with the cold music production like the original, the song laser-focuses on Taylor's excellent lyrics and performance immediately, immediately throwing the listener into the narrative of the song. Then, when the instrumentals finally come in on the "love's a game, wanna play" line, they make more of an impact and kick the song into high gear.

Then, for a while, the song mostly sounds the same. One thing you notice when watching this video is that each verse of Blank Space is around 15 seconds long, so the song stays on beat even when the timing of the instrumentals coming is altered.

Then, after the first chorus is done, the song changes. Instead of the music cutting out on "I'll write your name," the instrumentals keep going. The gap between verses feels hypnotic, as the music continues its crescendo and keeps you drawn in. Then when Taylor starts singing again, the music keeps building until it climaxes on "for a month." This might seem like an odd choice (well, "choice"), but I like it because it's the first time Blank!Taylor actually starts to mess with her lover's head. For the whole song up to this point, Taylor has worn her toxicity on her sleeve, but has played it as alluring and attractive. However, when she sings "be that girl for a month," the music cutting out almost makes it feel like an accusation, like she's saying her lover is a womanizer. This is Blank!Taylor gaslighting him, because she is obviously the one who's treating her lovers like objects (a...man-izer?) in this situation. Then, when the old beat from the beginning of the song comes back on "wait, the worst is yet to come," it becomes even more of a turning point in the song's tone than it was originally. Then, the song sounds normal again for a little while until we get the best part of this version of Blank Space: the bridge.

Now, the lyric "boys only want love if it's torture" takes place in a climax of the instrumentation, as opposed to the music cutting out like in the original song. This is the part in the narrative where Blank!Taylor's mask finally slides all the way off. It's no longer "she's crazy, and that's hot," it's "oh fuck, she's just crazy." However, in this version of Blank Space, the instrumentation in the bridge feels like it's drowning you. Her mask is off, but her lover is still trapped, still a target of her sadism. The contrast between the beautiful music and singing and the ugliness of what she's actually saying makes for a very disquieting experience.

Now, the music cuts out on the post-chorus instead of the bridge. I don't really have a specific reason for why this is good, I just like the way it sounds.

And finally, at the end of the song, the music continues after Taylor is done singing. Again, it's hypnotic and satisfying to listen to. However, at the end, something odd happens. In the original song, the music cuts out on the very last line of the song. However, now that Taylor has finished her singing early, Blank Space is missing that last note, and ends very abruptly.

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the end of this version of the song is "I need to listen to this song again right the fuck now."

This is a music trick I like to call the "Kanaria effect" (there's probably an actual name for it but I'm using references to musicians I already know). Kanaria is a Vocaloid producer and one of my favorite music artists, and he does the same thing in many of his songs, such as his most popular one, "KING."

Both KING and this version of Blank Space abruptly end their instrumentation after the lyrics are complete. While the actual narrative of the songs have been completed, the music ending in this way leaves the listener hanging and makes them want to listen to it again. Kanaria's music is really addicting because of this (it was pretty much the only thing I listened to for a month or so). I don't think every song would be improved by ending their music abruptly, but in the case of "Blank Space," it fits the disquieting atmosphere of the song very well. It's like Blank!Taylor swift is messing with your head too.

Anyways, that's the end of my weird little rant. Please tell me I'm not insane and other people notice this stuff too.

[anabundanceofblue]

another day another dollar

back in 2017 i had already been discovered yet the noises started to come in late november 2022, also when the whole thing exploded internationally

prior to that i had been studying my science courses at university with little to no free time for politics, never even touched a business course nor looked at market prices literally ever. if you go through my browsing history as they would have done, they would know that i had never dabbled in the finance sector until about yesterday.

the blame on me is the feeling or the instinctual in built senses they use to detect market movement, with my presence a lot of noise / signals become volatile and unreliable. i dont know for sure how consciousness or my presence is related to this but i would love to learn more to add my own truth to this, i only got into politics in 2019 after graduation. i had no time at all for extracurricular activities outside university courses

a large sum of money that was looted was primarily placed on this reason being the 'head driver' despite actually being discovered years ago at a concert i had attended sometime in high school during my psychotic episode which resulted in my current form. i dont know for sure if the two events are related but that was definitely when i felt strongest about how strange my face had began to look. i dont know how they found me or what senses can be used to discover this but im sure they work in collective and had been looking for me for years if not decades. i also think (not absolutely sure) that once someone enters universe 1, there is some kind of method of detection such that every member belonging to this group/family will know of each others presence ?

during the time of the head incident, i had been particularly fearful of actual conflict between the two countries with me being a main catalyst due to international news, the sense of fear was also capitalised on almost on a daily basis to pressure us for money, this occurred almost daily, there were posts on the little red book asking for donations and such this in the end i realise was mainly the actions of one singular person, my supposed soulmate. he also did this around the world trying to garner as much interest as possible via various means like advertising , tv programs, alluding to a spiritual figure without actually mentioning me, a lot of the postings were almost always negative and about my appearances to reduce my confidence and induce depression/fear/anger which were then also capitalised on as it reflected the country they directly wanted to loot.

the entire duration of the head incident lasted for at least 3 months which stopped somewhat when i received employment but was further tortured at my job for the most mundane things. again payment had to be made from the targeted country. and once we did receive some of the money back in the form of "heres your 20 bucks for your service" i was later faced with more offline harassment, unwanted attention, basically walking actors/actresses calling me fat / ugly and laughing in my face. because he returned some of the money back which was what he had looted in the first place by flying into my head. i dont know the exact details on how this works but i was essentially a walking shell for the team to control and exploit as freely as possible. the team (buffett and co.) continued to threats for more money and alerted their own team members which caused a domino effect looting millions in one week. most of the money had been laundered via me (starbucks), either reinvested in their own companies or given away freely as a sin offering.

also the delay of my health progress further enhanced their earnings. by deforming my face further they could extract further value via the balancing act of attempting to evenly distribute value across the two teams black vs white where a large component of the disney and co. team had to offer their loot to the other side, which propels another round of harassment to go back to the original formula. of marriage -> make a big scene -> extract value -> negative propaganda to degrade and humiliate -> further extract value.

essentially it's one person (and his family and what they represent) along with his side kick, which uses these subtle but very deadly and short term hard blows to unsuspecting and or helpless victims to take advantage of their misfortune for unearned value. this is later spread via other black members (non racial) for an enhanced and exaggerated effect to trap and isolate the victims. something like a secret weapon in another country, literally a rumour, a leaf can cause big catastrophes with the help of collective social media control, targeted victims, surveillance, monopoly (in using certain computer programs websites).

[f1]

Ocon says Alpine werent ready with front wing after crash | 2023 Belgian Grand Prix

Esteban Ocon says his error in crashing during qualifying for the Belgian Grand Prix was compounded because his team did not have a replacement front wing ready in time. The Alpine driver said that cost him his last chance to reach the top 10 in qualifying at the Spa-Francorchamps yesterday. Ocon was eliminated in last place in Q2 after he hit the barrier at turn nine, damaging his car’s front wing. He returned to the pits for a replacement but the team did not have a fresh wing ready immediately. The delay meant Ocon missed his chance to return to the track for a final lap. He admitted he had been at fault for the original error, but believes he could have recovered from it had the team fitted a new front wing immediately. “That mistake is on me, obviously, I missed the corner,” said Ocon. “But we had plenty of time to go again if we had managed to change the front wing. “Unfortunately the front wing wasn’t ready and it took like 30 seconds or 40 seconds to find it. From there obviously we couldn’t go again and we couldn’t retry. So a mistake on my side, a mistake on the team’s side. It’s not good for us today.” He called his error “a mistake that I don’t accept.” Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free “I don’t want to be doing these things,” said Ocon. “I do them very rarely but when it happens we need to be on top of them and we haven’t been on top from one side or the other, my side or the team’s side. So, today we missed it.” Gallery: 2023 Belgian Grand Prix qualifying in pictures However he praised the team for a well-timed call in switching him to slick tyres as the track dried out. “It was too early for the first lap, but it was going to be good for the last one, so that was the right decision,” he said. Ocon qualified 15th and will start 14th on Sunday after Kevin Magnussen’s penalty. Pierre Gasly will start 12th in the other Alpine, and isn’t convinced a top 10 start was possible, as he set his car up for the drier conditions which are expected for the grand prix. “It was extremely tricky from Q1 in these damp conditions,” said Gasly. “A lot of evolution from one lap to another and through all Q1 and Q2. So, tricky, but I think that we did the best we could. “Unfortunately we don’t have the speed at the moment to qualify in the top 10. It was a good lap. We marginally passed the line and were not in an ideal position, but the lap was clean. I was a bit close to Magnussen in front, but we did the best we could. “We know we didn’t set up the car for these conditions, it should be a bit better for Sunday racing-wise. So we’re not that far from the points and we’ll try everything to get some points.” Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 Belgian Grand Prix Browse all 2023 Belgian Grand Prix articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[babybearsnz]

It’s so dusty in there

Sickie: Jungkook

Caretakers: Bangtan, mainly Tae

Relationships: Platonic

Jungkook’s pov:

The members were celebrating Tae-hyung’s birthday tonight… and my gift still hasn’t been delivered. I ordered him a Saint Laurent jacket he’s been talking about, but I checked on it yesterday and shipping had been delayed.

‘Great,’ I thought, ‘How am I supposed to get a new gift in such short notice?’

I trudged into the kitchen where the other members were already enjoying their breakfasts.

“Morning, sleepy head!” Jimin sang, patting me on the head. I gave him a smirk in return and walked over to my youngest hyung.

“Happy birthday, TaeTae.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and nuzzled into his neck.

“Thanks, Kookie,” he laughed, “Just woke up, huh?”

“Kook-ah, eat something and then we’ll go for a walk to wake you up.” Yoongi-hyung handed me a plate and I nodded, suppressing a yawn.

********time skip********

It was about an hour after breakfast. Yoongi was cleaning up, Namjoon was reading in his room, Tae and Hobi were playing a card game at the kitchen table, and I was kicking ass at Mario Kart against Jin and Jimin.

“There’s no way I just got 9th place,” Jin groaned.

I stood from the couch and took a bow having gotten first place once again, laughing uncontrollably.

Yoongi entered the room. “Kook, you ready to go?” He asked.

“I’m not tired anymore, hyung.” I earned a raised eyebrow in return.

“Kookieeeee!” Yoongi whined.

“Alright, alright,” I said, turning to Jin and Jimin, “you guys keep playing without me.”

“Ya, maybe I’ll win one this time,” Jimin joked, rolling his eyes.

I set down my controller, quickly slipped on my sneakers, and followed Yoongi-hyung out the door.

Yoongi’s pov:

Jungkook hurried out the door behind me. “Hyung, why did you want to go for a walk so bad?” He asked.

“I have a plan. Follow me.”

Without questioning my intentions, the maknae obeyed, clearly confused but willing to find out what I was up to.

We approached a storefront and I stopped. “Do you know where we are?” I asked.

Jungkook shrugged, “some antique shop?”

“Look at the window display, Kook.”

He squinted his eyes, getting closer to the window. Behind the glass there were old notebooks. The insides were lined with vintage papyrus. The covers were a golden brown leather with beautiful patterns. And there was a brass hook to keep the book closed and locked. Jungkook looked back at me, I smile spread across his face.

“After you told me your gift still hadn’t come, I remembered this shop.” I told him.

Tae had been talking about notebooks like these. He said he would feel like a modern day Shakespeare if he got his hands on one.

“It’s perfect, hyung, thank you.” I messed with his hair and we stepped inside.

Jungkook’s pov:

I couldn’t help but smile as we entered the shop. The gift was perfect and much more heartfelt. Inside the shop everything was made out of mahogany. The wallpaper had tiny flowers on it. It looked like something out of a magazine. And the air was thick. I sniffled, smelling dusty wood.

There was a thin layer of dust on every surface. Everything was SO OLD. Yoongi and I were browsing around when it became too much for my nose.

“ESHHhuh!” The sneeze was dry and itchy. I desperately rubbed my nose, causing another to escape. “haESHH!”

“Ooh, bless.” I felt Yoongi pat my back.

“Thanks,” I replied. I put on a mask to try and block the dust from reaching my nose, though I knew it was probably too late.

“Is the dust bothering you?” Yoongi asked, a bit concerned.

I nodded. “haESHHhuh!”

“Bless you, Kook. Let’s get out of here, cha?” It was a rhetorical question. We were leaving.

We made our purchases and escaped to the street. I took off my mask, sighing in relief. I was sniffling and sneezing for the entirety of the walk back to the house, glad I had gotten Tae a gift, but utterly miserable.

Taehyung’s pov:

As soon as the front door opened I heard a flurry of sneezes. They sounded harsh and itchy and I immediately recognized it being Kook-ah’s allergies.

I ran over to him. “Aww Kookie, what happened?” I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and brought him over to the couch.

“Kook, don’t rub your eyes, you’re okay.” Jin rushed over with tissues while Yoongi went to find allergy meds.

“ESHHhuh! HESHHhah! ESHH!” Tears began flowing from his red and irritated eyes.

I wiped his eyes, “Aish, you’re having quite the allergy attack, huh?” I asked, unsure if the tears were from an irritant or if he was actually crying.

He pouted, “Yoongi-hyung was h—helping me get you a g—gift because mine wasn’t shipped a—an—and we went to that antique shop down the street.”

So he was crying.

“Kookie, oh no, it’s so dusty in there.” I cooed.

“B—but I got you this book.” He handed me a stunning leather journal, one with the old paper inside. I had always wanted one.

“Thank you, really, don’t cry.” I pulled him into a big hug, feeling his breath catch.

“heshhOO!” He tried his best to turn away as a sneeze ripped out of him.

“Bless you, bless you. Gwaenchana?”

Jungkook nodded and relaxed into me.

********time skip********

The members and I took turns cuddling with the maknae and giving him meds and tissues, trying our best to make him laugh until dinner.

The rest of the night was filled with sneezes, becoming less frequent as the hours passed. Kookie fell asleep in my lap and I played with his hair, listening to his congested snores. I grinned as I dozed off with him. Cuddles were the perfect end to a birthday.

[mysticpetals]

Supermarket runs

Pairing: Jake × mc (Syianne)

Genre: fluff, humor

Words: 2.5k

Summary: Three times Jake ran into Syianne and one time he actually made plans.

Anonymous asked: Hello. If you do still requests, can you do 27 and 40, with Jake and MC from Duskwood from fluff? Sorry I forgot to add that.

Prompts: 27. "Are you blushing?" 40. "Why are you so afraid of loving?"

Notes: here it is! A cute meet up fic with Jake's point of view. I hope you like this one because it's going to be the last thing I'll be posting for a while 😬

Jake had reached his new hideout just a few hours ago.

After evading yet another capture from the government and planting false trails in his wake, he had escaped to a small town, renting an apartment for the time being.

Opening the door to his new house for a few days, he put his cat down, opened his cage and let him explore. Glitch immediately disappeared and Jake put his bags down, sighing tiredly.

He needed to make a quick run to the store nearby, getting some food and other essential items since it was clear that they didn't stock it in the room.

Before he could change his mind, Jake picked up his wallet, locking the door and walked to the store he came across on his way over to the apartment.

It was a medium sized store, probably the one of the few in this small town. Jake browsed the shelves picking up the things he needed along the way. He avoided eye contact with everyone, putting his hood up.

When he was done, he quietly put the few cup noodles and microwaveable dinners on the counter and waited for the cashier to scan his items. Just as he went to pick up the first item, the cashier's phone rang and he glanced at the screen, eyes widening in surprise before his face settled into panic.

"Oh shit, oh shit, I completely forgot," he mumbled to himself frantically and giving Jake an apologetic glance, ran towards the back room.

Well then, it wasn't like he was in any hurry either. He didn't want to go back so soon anyway. He rocked back on his heels, adjusting his mask so that it still covered the lower half of his face and looked around in boredom.

From the backroom, he could hear two voices arguing, one male and other female and just when he thought that maybe it was going to take a while, the cashier ran out of the room, hefting a jacket over his shoulders and looked back.

"I owe you one, Syianne! Thank you so much!"

Jake tilted his head on hearing the familiar name, memories of conversations with his Syianne creeping up.

"You really do, Percy! I better have a three day weekend after this!" The girl shouted back and Jake smiled behind his mask. She even sounded like her.

The cashier yelled back something but he was already out the door to hear properly. The girl came out from the back, wearing her uniform jacket and grumbling about having to do two shifts, but Jake had frozen.

"Sorry about that. My coworker forgot about the date with his girlfriend and had to bolt. Between you and me, she's pretty scary so I'd be running too," she said, already ringing up his few items but Jake couldn't reply. He kept staring at her familiar face, which he had accidentally accessed when going through her chats before.

This was his Syianne.

She glanced at him, probably wondering why he didn't say anything before looking back on the screen. He broke out of his stupor when she told him the total and held up a bag with his items.

His fingers brushed against her and it felt like a lifetime, blood rushing to his cheeks and heart pacing.

"Thank you," he said and got a smile in return.

"You're welcome! Sorry about the delay earlier."

He shook his head rapidly, telling her that it was no trouble and he completely understood. That made her smile widen, her eyes crinkling with happiness.

"Come again soon!"

Oh, he'd be coming back very soon, indeed.

The first thing he did after reaching home was to power on his laptop and search for Syianne's location. Glitch hissed angrily at him for disturbing his slumber atop the chair he was now sitting in but Jake's eyes were fixed on the screen.

The results baffled him, as it showed her living in a completely different country from when he had searched her before, when he had just gotten her number. And then, realisation dawned on him that she might be using a VPN.

He banged his head on the table in frustration but also a little impressed that Syianne had thought of doing something like this to protect her identity.

He was supposed to stay away from all of them, to prevent pulling people into his messes but now one of the most important people in his life literally worked a walk away from his hiding place. He couldn't change places so frequently as it hadn't even been a day and he had to give some time to the police to cool off, before he got on the move again.

He sighed, too wound up to make anything but cup noodles, he got up and went into the kitchen. Glitch trailed behind him, sniping at his heels for his own food and Jake emptied the last can of cat food into Glitch's bowl.

With a jolt, he realised that he would have to go to the supermarket tomorrow again and it brought him equal parts of excitement as well as anxiety at the thought of seeing Syianne again.

———

The next evening, he put the cans of cat food on the counter and was disappointed to find that the guy from yesterday – Percy, if he recalled right – was going to scan his items.

Jake shifted the mask on his face and looked around to see if Syianne was somewhere but to no avail. If Percy noticed him looking around, he didn't say anything. When he grabbed the bag from him, the employee room opened and Syianne came out wearing casual clothes, a bag slung over her shoulder.

"See you tomorrow, Percy!"

She came out from behind the counter and her eyes widened in surprise as they fell on him.

"Oh hi! You're the one from yesterday."

Jake cleared his throat and let out a hesitant, "Y-yeah."

Percy snickered, throwing a knowing look at Jake before turning to Syianne.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, idiot. Bring some coffee with you." He handed Jake his bag as he scrambled to bring out his wallet to pay and gave him a wide smile.

"Syianne here works the morning shifts." He winked and Jake was mortified to hear the amusement in his voice, knowing that he had been caught.

"I'm not bringing you anything until I get my three-day weekend. Anyway, nice to see you again…." She trailed off when she turned to Jake and his mind went into overdrive as he thought about whether he should tell her his real name or not.

"Phil." He blurted out, "My name's Phil."

She tilted her head, no doubt thinking about that bartender from Duskwood who was currently locked up in jail.

"Funny, I know a guy named Phil. Not from around here though." She glanced at the door giving him a final smile.

"Because all the customers come in the evening." Percy complained and Syianne only rolled her eyes at his antics.

"Well, come by in the morning if you want to chat. It's pretty chill that time."

"Deal with it. Anyway, see you tomorrow." She waved one last time and walked out, Jake's eyes following her figure until she disappeared around the corner.

"She's sweet and a little too trustful. I better not hear any complaints about you from her Phil or I won't hesitate to throw a punch or two." Percy threatened and Jake flushed before muttering a hasty excuse and practically running out of the store.

She actually talked to him today and hearing her voice, her words just made it harder for him to stay away. But it was okay if he didn't tell her who he was, right? She won't be in any danger then, right?

These thoughts chased him as he walked back to his temporary home, almost tripping over Glitch when he entered and found a disgruntled cat, waiting for his food.

———

The next morning, Jake worked in his room, occasionally shooing away Glitch who was determined to get his daily dose of affection.

"Just a minute, Glitch." He muttered, typing rapidly, his eyes scanning the screen with an eerie quickness.

A loud, disgruntled meow from his cat breaks the silence again and Jake heaved a frustrated sigh, pushing his laptop away and glaring at the culprit.

"Fine, you little devil! I'll give you breakfast first."

He walked out of the room, Glitch trailing behind him, purring in appreciation and hopped on to a chair while Jake took out the instant pancake mixture that he had recently bought. And that reminded him of the fact that Syianne was here, so close and whether he should tell her or not.

Making the pancakes in a daze, he put a plate in front of Glitch who immediately started gobbling it up. Jake huffed out a laugh and made his own plate, sitting across from his cat. The syrup was towards Glitch and when he leaned forward to take it, he was met by Glitch's paw swatting at his hand.

"What the hell? You ate already! Let me eat too!"

Glitch's paw rested on the syrup bottle and edged it towards the end of the table.

Jake froze.

"Glitch, no. Give me the syrup."

The bottle shifted a bit more.

"No, Glitch. Stop that."

The cat looked at him and stopped and Jake gave a sigh of relief, only to throw back his head in exasperation at the next moment as the bottle was finally pushed off the table.

"You little devil! I'm going to—"

The cat sprang up and ran into the other room, leaving Jake in the kitchen alone.

"Why is it always me?"

———

After cleaning up the kitchen and eating pancakes without any syrup, Jake found himself in the supermarket once again, embarrassed about being there everyday for the last three or so days.

When he put his items on the counter, including a syrup in a plastic bottle this time, he found himself facing Syianne who gave her an amused look.

"Having a good day, Phil?"

It took a moment for Jake to understand that she was talking to him and he flushed when he met her gaze.

"Not really. My cat decided to be an asshole today."

Syianne laughed and if Jake could have heard it everyday, he would. When she scanned his bandaids, she raised an eyebrow, and Jake gave her a sheepish smile, showing her his poorly wrapped hand.

"Oh no, that looks bad," she said but Jake only shook his head.

"It's better than it looks, I promise. I'm just bad at wrapping things up."

She didn't smile but only looked behind him. Seeing no more customers, she gestured for him to come to her side of the counter. Confused, he did as she asked and understanding dawned on him when he saw her opening the packet of gauze he had just bought.

"Oh, no, no. It's okay. I can do it at home." He rushed but she didn't listen, silently asking for him to hold his hand forward. When he realised that Syianne wasn't going to take no for an answer, he sighed and put his hand forward, face heating up and he regretted forgetting to wear a face mask that day.

"Are you blushing?" She asked teasingly and his flush only worsened.

"I-I'm not used to other people caring for me."

She hummed.

"That must be lonely."

She carefully unwrapped his hand, winching at the sight of blood and cleaned it with antiseptic wipes, before wrapping a bandage around the cut. Her hands were gentle but firm, as if she knew what she was doing and had done it a hundred times before. Jake was suddenly hit with a weird nostalgia, a feeling of wanting to know who she was, how many siblings she had, what her goals were.

He didn't realise when she had stopped, staring at him, as he was looking at her and only after several minutes had passed, did Syianne dropped her hands, letting him know that she was done.

The thought struck him like lightning and he quickly grabbed his bags, muttering another thank you and getting a simple smile in return. Before he knew, he was out on the streets and on the way to his house, his thoughts a raging turmoil.

"Thank you very much." He spoke softly, quietly, overwhelmed by such a gesture from her. He was essentially a stranger and she had still helped him, not knowing who he was.

She didn't know who he was.

What was he doing? Going to see her like that, finding excuses to go to the supermarket in hopes of seeing her? What did he want to accomplish?

He released a shaky sigh, running his hands through his hair, when he reached the place. Glitch, knowing that it wasn't the time for his shenanigans, only gave a welcoming meow from his place on the couch.

Maybe it was time he started searching again.

Jake opened his laptop but the ping from his phone made him look for it, heart quickening when he saw her name on it.

Syianne [5:00 pm]

Hey Jake!

How are you doing? I hope you're safe

I patched up a guy today who came in at work. He had a cat too!

Anyway, I don't know why I'm still writing but I hope you're safe and nobody got to you

Why are you so afraid of loving?

Sorry, insensitive question. Ignore that

Waiting for when you come back

...I'm still looking forward to that date

Jake's lips quirked at her messages, warmed by her concern. She had messaged him everyday ever since he went into hiding again. He hadn't replied then, being busy because of his relocation, but now….

In a bold move, very uncharacteristic for him, he messaged her back.

Jake [5:03 pm]

What if I told you that the guy you patched up was me?

Syianne [5:04 pm]

What?

His name was Phil

Oh

Jake waited as she typed and erased, all of it going on for two minutes before she stopped. Jake had a sudden, terrible feeling that perhaps he had made a mistake but soon enough, she replied.

Syianne [5:06 pm]

You're cute in real life as well <3

Jake laughed, amused by her flirty response and decided that perhaps he'd stay there for a few more days.

Syianne [5:06 pm]

What about that date at the Chinese restaurant you promised me?

Jake [5:07 pm]

Does tomorrow work for you? ;)

[marvels-writings]

Back & Forth (4)

Maria Hill Masterlist

Series Masterlist

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | 

A/N: Not sure where I’m heading with this but I think I like it

The rest of your day was uneventful. You forgot to eat dinner since more people got injured during training thanks to one of the suits malfunctioning. 

After having a talk with Tony about improving the suits, you went into your room and flopped down on the bed, making a mental note to eat something for breakfast before falling asleep.

The next morning, you had forgotten to set up your alarm clock. Instead of waking up at 7:30 so, you would have enough time to eat and shower before training. You woke up at 8:47. Cursing, you got out of bed and took a shower. Quickly throwing on some workout clothes which consisted of a dark grey tank top and black leggings, tying your hair into a high ponytail, and walking towards the gym.

It was almost 9:05 when you finally got to the gym. Maria wore a navy blue sports bra and matching leggings. You hurried in, trying not to stare at her as you set your things down on one of the benches in the gym.

“Sorry I’m late, I forgot to set my alarm clock and then I didn’t have enough time to eat so shit is a little chaotic today,” You apologized, licking your lips nervously before standing in front of your S/O.

“Language,” Steve chided, you rolled your eyes.

Before you could say something sarcastic to him, Maria started guiding you through stretches. Then, she started guiding you through a thought out gym routine. You never had time to go to the gym, so you mostly stuck with dieting and going on jogs when you could. The strain of working out was more than you had expected.

The entire time, you were trying to avoid staring at Maria. The sports bra showed off her toned stomach and her arms. The brunette didn't seem to notice your staring. But everyone else in the gym noticed.  You could tell by their knowing smirks and winks towards you.

“A little too much for you?” Maria teased when you were on your 8th rep of sit-ups.

You rolled your eyes and glared at her, determined to make it through. The rest of the workout was more straining than you thought it would be. Especially with Maria forcing you to push yourself during every single exercise. In the middle of it, your stomach let out a large growl, you poked it aggressively to try to get it to be quiet, even though you knew it wouldn’t do anything.

Maria frowned and asked you if you had eaten, voice laced with concern.

“Only breakfast, it’s not that bad,” You shrugged, sitting down on the bench and taking a sip of water.

“We didn’t see you at dinner yesterday,” Steve pointed out, you glared at him.

“Y/n,” Maria began, her tone stern as she crossed her arms across her chest.

You raised an eyebrow and fanned yourself with your tank top. Putting your water bottle down, you stood up.

“I was busy, there were injured people.” You defended, walking over to the jogging machine where Steve was.

Maria took your elbow and turned you around. Surprised, you faced her stern expression.

“You need to eat,” The brunette advised, you winced and pulled out of her hold.

“Later, you said to yourself, I need to train.” You argued, but Maria wasn’t having it.

“What you need to do is eat,” Maria scolded, you rolled your eyes.

“I’m used to it, can we just finish this?” You asked, almost pleading at this point.

Maria considered it but shook her head, leading you to the kitchen. You cursed under your breath, following the brunette towards the kitchen when an intern interrupted you.

“Ms. Strange, could I, um, could you help me with something?” She asked.

You turned to see a college student, no older than 23, with blonde hair, bright hazel eyes, slim features. She wore a black crop top and jeggings. You nodded and smiled, turning to Maria to ask.

“I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” You guided the intern over to your office, assuming she needed help with her term paper.

After an hour, the intern left from your office, happy after you had edited her final paper. Just when you were about to meet Maria in the kitchen, one of the students learning from Helen Cho started asking you questions about the regeneration cradle she had in the medical bay.

Before you could deny them, the student dragged you over to the medical bay. Cho had asked her to run the cradle on one of the officers injured yesterday. But the student, Sophie, knew if she did anything wrong she would be fired. So she asked you for help.

It would have been done sooner if Sophie would have stopped flirting with you. It wasn’t that she was unattractive, the opposite. But you could care less about her antics, she was older than most of the students Helen was teaching, which must be why she was trusted with the cradle.

Before you could respond to another question, Maria stood in the doorway almost glaring at you and Sophie. You shrugged, gesturing to Sophie, blaming her for your delayed meal. Your S/O instructed the student leave, you assured her you would finish the assignment since there wasn’t much left to do and you didn’t want to deal with her whining if Cho didn’t pass her.

“Jealous much?” You asked once Sophie had left to ask someone else for help.

Maria blushed, but she hid it well, clenching her jaw and sitting down next to the cradle. You started talking to her as you worked, stating the cradle should only take another 5 minutes before you could leave. The brunette was hesitant to answer, your interaction from yesterday still playing in her head.

Maria owed you an apology, but she couldn’t bring herself to go through with it. She had planned the apology in her room, planning to apologize once you were free. Biting her lip, she called your name once you were done with the assignment.

You hummed, filling out a form for the officer and glancing up at her.

“I, um, I’m sorry about what I said yesterday,” Maria apologized, looking down at the ground as she tried not to fidget.

“See, that wasn’t that hard,” You teased, the brunette looked up in confusion.

“Oh come on, anyone could see something was bothering you.” You laughed at her expression, leading her out of the medical bay and into the kitchen.

Maria frowned at how easily you read her, she was supposed to be one of the top agents at SHIELD, almost impossible to read. But somehow, you managed to do it effortlessly. Leading her into the kitchen, you started putting a pan on the stove and heating it, taking some eggs out of the fridge, and offering to make her some french toast.

“Depends, are you as good at cooking as you are punctual?” Maria asked, you laughed and cracked an egg into a small bowl.

“I’m better at cooking than being punctual,” You laughed, mixing the egg with a whisk.

“Guess being late runs in the Strange family,” Maria commented, but she noticed how you flinched when she said, family.

“Did I say something wrong?” She asked, scared she had hurt you again. You shook your head, waving her off.

“No you’re fine, I’m adopted, just thought you might want to know,” You began pouring the egg mixture on a few slices of bread.

Even though you were their family, the topic was still a bit sensitive. Your brother and your parents often got angry with you whenever you were insecure about this. But you couldn’t help it, especially when you saw comments on social media about how you just got lucky to be in a family of doctors.

“It didn’t say that on your file,” Maria muttered, you shrugged and put the bread on the pan.

“That would be my brother’s fault, it should say legally adopted but he took that out,” You explained, chuckling to yourself.

You changed the topic quickly, choosing to talk about anything else except for your family. Maria noticed but decided not to push you about it. She had already hurt you once, she didn’t want to do it again. After you finished making her french toast, you handed it to her and started making your own.

Playing some music on your phone, you smiled when your favorite song started playing through the room. You started humming while Maria was talking, dancing a little while cooking. The song was catchier and more descriptive of your situation than ever. 

Pleasantly surprised at how the french toast had turned out, Maria started digging into it while you bantered about the students that had been pestering you all morning. When you started talking about Sophie and her flirting, Maria couldn’t help her anger.

Students weren’t supposed to go out with the Avengers, technically there wasn’t a rule. You could have if you wanted to, Maria didn’t understand her jealousy towards Sophie. You weren’t hers to start with, there was no reasonable explanation as to why she was jealous.

“Something wrong S/O?” You asked, sitting down next to her with your french toast.

“Hm? Nothing.” Maria answered, a little too quickly for her liking.

“If you say so,” You muttered, starting to eat.

Before you could start another conversation, Maria went to put her dishes into the dishwasher and changed the conversation.

“Is there anything you need to do for today?” Maria asked you shrugged while eating.

Clearing your throat, you browsed through your calendar in case there was anything important. Seeing as there was nothing but miscellaneous chores, you shook your head.

“Just need to get my suit,” You answered, “Why?”

“Well, I was going to suggest we train your powers, but it seems like there’s not much I can train there,” Maria answered, you laughed.

“Unless you want to take me to Kamar-Taj,” you joked, seeing the confusion on Maria’s face you waved her off.

“So it looks like I have a whole day with my S/O,” You joked, sliding off the barstool and putting your dishes into the dishwasher.

Maria clenched her jaw, trying to avoid the blush creeping onto her face. You giggled at her expression, leaning back against the counter.

“Not the entire day,” Tony commented from behind you, almost giving you a heart attack.

“When the hell did you get here?” You demanded, handheld over your heart. Maria cackled behind you, your face when you heard Tony behind you was hilarious.

“Just before you started flirting with Ms. Hill here,” Tony answered, a cocky smirk on his face

Before either of you could say anything in your defense, he waved you off.

“There’s a party later this week since Thor is coming back from Asgard, I want both of you to be there,” Tony instructed, you almost groaned.

“How does that have anything to do with today?” You asked, confused.

“Outfits? I can’t have both of you looking like this when you come there,” Tony explained, you rolled your eyes.

“What’s wrong with this?” You complained, Tony laughed and left both of you in the kitchen.

“Well, guess we’re going shopping together,” You commented, turning to face Maria.

The brunette clenched her jaw, unsure of what was to come. Maria followed you out of the kitchen and towards the bedrooms to get changed for the shopping trip. 

| Part 5 | 

Buy me a coffee?

A/N: Hope you like it too, tell me what you think!

Tag List: @capcarolsdanver​, @versdan​, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught​, @lovebotlarson​, @dhengkt​, @5aftermidnight​, @hstoria​, @natasha-danvers​, @veryfunnyal​, @xxxtwilightaxelxxx​ , @ophelias-heart​  , @never-didbefore​ , @justarandomhumanhere​, @the-most-unicorn-of-them-all , @thatssocamryn​ , @lesbian-x-blackwidow​ , @marvelbbyx​ , @wlw-imaginesss​ , @hcartbyheart​​ , @summergeezburr​​ , @imnotasuperhero​  let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

[soysaucevictim]

New challenge and program time!

-

Oct. 24

I woke up around 8AM.

After updating my fit log and watching some YouTube, I got going with my exercises.

First, today’s DD. 20 (alt.) raised leg push-ups with EC. Very manageable, not amazing form. But acceptable.

Second, Day 1 of the Yoga Abs Challenge. Figured this was a nice challenge to do after that yoga program. 3 sets: 20″ boat pose + 20″ knee hug. Given that rest time wasn’t specified, I guess the knee hugs served as such. It was fun to have enough control/coordination to smoothly go between the 2 positions. Pretty breezy load for right now!

Last, Day 1 of the TEN Program. This was a fun way to start the program and I dig it’s premise. I’m super happy I managed to get in exactly 7 sets in the 10′ duration! I’ll be using that as my measurement for the whole thing. Mighta done 0.5-1 more if I didn’t have a few moments of spacing out. (Also got myself a bit dizzy during the torso twists, pffft. But yeah, it was enjoyable!)

After a bit of time on YouTube and what not, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Nacho-rific loaded potato wedges. I rather liked how this one turned out. I would be willing to make it again! (Guacamole is just so damn good.)

After dishes , I set out do some more drawing/streaming (and chatting)- working on Imposter!Remus.

Got to bed in the red zone a bit later than yesterday.

-

Oct. 25

I woke up around 10AM.

After doing some dishes and poking around the tubes, I got in my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 jump squats with EC. Just about manageable.

Second, Day 2 of the YAC. 3x20″ superman holds, with 20″ rest. I’m not really of habit to use my cellphone much - but having it was useful for this one for a timer. Left lats had a bit of tension, this time around. (But being careful/gentle helps.)

Last, Day 2 of TEN. I managed 7 sets in the duration, too. This definitely worked up a sweat for me, Had to mind my right Achilles a bit here, but I managed this pace well.

After some chatting and watching Airplane with a friend, got back to working on Imposter!Remus (streaming and chatting).

Got to bed in the red zone a bit later than yesterday.

-

Oct. 26

I woke up around 11AM.

After a bit of YouTube, one of the first things I did today was exercise (and oof, my quads are a bit stiff/sore.)

First, today’s DD. 1′ jumping jacks with EC. Counted 66 reps by the end, very doable at that pace.

Second, Day 3 of the YAC. 3 sets: 20″ boat pose + 20″ knee hug. Pretty straightforward and breezy.

Last, Day 3 of TEN. Arm day. Counted 7 sets in the duration. Decided to finish the 8th a bit overtime, because I was in the middle of it when timer went off. There were definitely moments where I wanted to drop the arms for any meaningful amount of time and moments where i was having second thoughts about my pace. But I managed alright. Arms are probably going to be hella sore.

After some dishes, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Creamy Parmesan chicken spaghetti. It was pretty tasty. Especially when eaten fresh (doesn’t handle reheating very well). I love fresh basil. Not off table to revisit.

After hitting the showers and more dishes, got to finishing drawing/streaming Imposter!Remus.

Got to bed a bit earlier than yesterday, but still in the red.

-

Oct. 27

I woke up around noon, today.

I had to prep some notes for my psych appointment today. Went alright, shared more of my art. Transportation ran pretty late, understandable circumstances. (I just wish I’d knew about that sooner... since I was thinking about running to a convenience store after appointment. Ah well. Music is nice.)

Got home, did some organizing stuff and ate some burritos before exercising.

First, today’s DD. 40 seagulls with EC. I went  with 20/20, save my elbows more abrasion. Pretty intense, but manageable.

Second, Day 4 of the YAC. 3x20″ superman holds, with 20″ rest. I had trepidation due to having a full  stomach, but I needed to get this done. Slowing the breathing helped a bit (less repetitive pressure on stomach that way,) But I did have to fight some indigestion.

Last, Day 4 of TEN. Ab day. Managed 6 sets in the duration, finished the 7th set overtime (because I was already half the way through). This got pretty intense. But I managed okay. (Also aggravated stomach slightly.)

I then started drawing/streaming some Gravity Falls fan art.

Got to bed a bit earlier than yesterday, but still in the red.

-

Oct. 28

I woke up around 11:30 AM.

Went to Seeking Safety Group and it went okay. Transit agency had a hiccup and my homebound trip was delayed. Understandable circumstances. Wish I gave LC/them my cell number, so I coulda went to the convenience store while I was waiting. Probably. But nbd.

First, today’s DD. 2′ arm scissors with EC. I counted 243 reps by the end. I’m happy I managed to keep a 2/sec pace and it was fun.

Second, Day 5 of the YAC. 3 sets: 25″ boat pose + 25″ knee hug. The only hard part was tying to stay focused on the timer and stay on cue. I think I’m going to have an interval timer set up, going forward. Because I don’t want to be doing mental math while doing this. Also harder with sore abs. :P

Last, Day 5 of TEN. Tendon strengthening Day. Did about 2 sets before realizing I didn’t set the timer. After setting it, I managed 6 sets in the duration (3/3). Tough since those tendons were a bit tender/sore from recent workouts.

(Everything is sore, and I’m amused.)

Got to finishing that Gravity Falls drawing/stream afterwards. Because tired, I managed to get to bed in the yellow zone, tonight.

-

Oct. 29

I woke up around 10AM.

After a bit of time browsing stuff, I went to my dental appointment. Got some more fillings done. Still not super pleasant an affair. But I just try to basically focus on the light in front of me and my airway. The suction/vacuum device with the dam + bite block helps a lot with it... but probably the most unpleasant sensation was some spit/irrigation dribbles down throat.

Had tech difficulties with my phone. But after I got home, I got some frozen coffee and chilled a bit. Then I did my exercise. (Was a bit chilly, but this helped get me warmed up.)

First, today’s DD. 40 scissors with EC. This was just about manageable.

Second, Day 6 of the YAC. 3x25″ superman holds, with 25″ rest. Not the best idea after chugging a large iced coffee. But I managed to get through it by the skin of my teeth.

Last, Day 6 of TEN. Cardio. Counted exactly 8 circuits completed in the given time. Did have to take a few seconds in between them for a breather - but I’m happy I managed to reach at least 7. Mixed up the transitions between jumping into/out of plank or stepping. Got me right winded.

After making some dinner, I got started on another drawing/stream - this time some more Roman fan art (a la Rocky Horror Picture Show.)

After the stream, I had a lot of problems making lemonade that just pissed me off and exhausted me (even if it did force me to get around to mopping kitchen floor). Partly as a result, I got to bed hours later than yesterday - in the red zone.

-

Oct. 30

I woke up around noon.

After a bit of Youtube and doing some dishes, I did today’s DD (only planned exercise since active rest day). 1′ climbers with EC. I counted 132 reps by the end. Not too shabby, got modestly winded by the end.

After getting pretty squirrely about waiting for it to arrive, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Firecracker meatballs, again. This week was pre-picked selections due to a menu change I wasn’t able to respond to in time. This is a pretty good recipe though.

After some dishes, I resumed drawing/streaming RHPS!Roman.

Got to bed in the red zone a bit later than yesterday.

[jeonakookie]

I Wish (7)

Pairing: JungkookxOC

Word Count: 3.4k

Summary: Zoya and Jungkook had lost touch years ago. When a situation brings them back into each other lives, they try to go back to how things were as best friends once again. But a lot can change in 8 years. People. Feelings.

Masterlist

The next morning, Zoya woke to noise coming from the kitchen. She reached over to her right for her phone and squinted at the screen as it read ‘9:00am’. With a sigh, Zoya flopped back down on the bed hoping to sleep in a little more, so she cocooned herself in the blankets and closed her eyes. Zoya tried to block out the clanking of spoons on bowls, the laughs of her brother and sister, and the chatter of the TV until she jumped out of bed in annoyance. Realising there was no way she was getting back to sleep; her feet slipped into her slippers and made their way into the bathroom.

Zoya got dressed and, wrapping her wet hair in a towel, quietly made her way into the kitchen. She walked by her brother and sister, who were sat in the living room watching the TV with such concentration that they didn’t realise their older sister pass by. “Morning.” She greeted her mother.

“Morning. You’re up early for once.” Sara stated.

“I wake up at 6 am every morning during uni mum. I think I can afford to sleep in for the holidays.” She says, as she grabs a bowl from the cupboard. “What are you doing?” She sits down on the kitchen island across from her mum, who’s eyes were on her laptop. When she doesn’t respond Zoya tries again, “Mum?”

“Oh right, sorry. I’m just browsing places to go in Seoul. We’re going to go sightseeing today, and it’s changed quite a bit, so it’ll be exciting for us as well as Imani.” Sara explains excitedly as Zoya listens as she munches on her cereal.

“Cool, sounds fun.” Zoya comments as she chews.

Sara grimaces, “Zoya! Don’t talk with your mouth fall.” She chastises with a grimace.

“Sorry.” She says sheepishly. “Where we off to first then?”

Sara looks at her daughter in surprise, “You’re coming today?”

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?” Zoya asks, confused at her mother’s surprised tone?

“Oh nothing, I just assumed you’d spend time with Jungkook.”

“I‘ve spent time with him the past few days we’ve been here. I’m sure one day without me won’t kill him.” Zoya jokes. In reality, Zoya wanted to delay the inevitability of facing Jungkook just a little while longer. Of course, she wanted to spend time with her family, but the former was the stronger motivation.

“Mhmm.” Sara smiles at Zoya.

“What?” Zoya sighs out, as she turns her back, places the bowl in the sink as she rolls her eyes.

“I don’t know, you two are awfully close these days. Then again, distance does make the heart grow fonder...”

“Okay one, it’s ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and two, we’re just friends mum. Stop being weird.” Zoya complained.

“Fine” Sara held her hands up in defeat, “I’m just saying.” She sings.

“Well, can you stop saying, please.” Zoya huffs. “I’m going to finish getting ready, I’ll be down in a couple of minutes and I’ll be ready to go.” She says before running up to her room.

Not a minute was wasted due to Sara’s intensive planning for the day: from enjoying the bustling of Hongdae to visiting the scenic tourist spaces, they did all they could until they were exhausted from their eventful day.

“Guess we’ll get to Han River tomorrow. But we did a lot today.” Sara states.

“I’m tired mummy.” Imani mumbles sleepily as she holds onto her mother’s hand and slowly follows along and starts to sway side to side in a sleepy haze. Seeing as they weren’t too far away from their place, Zoya decides to pick her sister up before she fell asleep standing.

Zoya grunted as she picked up her sister, “I haven’t picked you up since you were like 4 and you’ve grown well.” Zoya says slightly straining, as she notices her mistake in thinking her 10-year-old sister weighed like a toddler. As she slowly walks towards the house, it comes into view, but so does a figure that was stood near the entrance. Zoya slowed down in alarm, but her defensive state relaxes when she hears her name fall from the stranger’s mouth in a familiar voice, “Jungkook.” She breathes out and starts walking towards him.

“Jungkook? What are you doing here? Is everything okay dear?” Sara asked in worry.

“Oh yes. Everything is fine,” he says scratching the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his, “I actually came to talk to Zoya about something.”

“Oh okay, that’s fine. Well why don’t you come in.” Sara invites him in, and he notices Zoya struggling with her sleeping sister.

“You want help? I’ll carry her.” Jungkook offers.

Before Zoya could speak, Sara accepted his offer knowing her eldest’s stubborn streak. Jungkook sweeps Imani into his hold from Zoya as if she weighed like a feather and waited for further instructions.

Adam brushed past everyone, “I’m going to bed. You guys are taking too long.” He opened the door making his way to his room, and everyone else followed him into the house.

“Erm, follow me. I’ll show you to her room.” Zoya mumbles quietly and walks ahead to her sister’s room as Jungkook followed closely behind. The silence was filled with loud thoughts of the two, both wondering what their conversation was going to bring. Zoya sighed and went through the doorway to Imani’s room and gestured Jungkook to place her on her bed. Zoya slipped off Imani’s shoes and decided that she wasn’t going to manage to get her into her pyjamas, so she laid her duvet over her sleeping form. Zoya swept her sister’s hair from her face and with one last look, she turned the bedroom light off and followed Jungkook out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.

“I was wondering if we could go talk, maybe by Han River.” Jungkook suggested, looking unsure as if he thought she was going to reject his offer. Zoya looked at him once they made their way outside after ensuring Sara that Zoya will be back later.

“Sure, I’d like that.” Zoya agreed softly and noticed Jungkook’s tense form relax a little and they made their way silently into his car to get to the riverside.

“We didn’t get to visit the riverside today; we were going to go tomorrow morning.” Zoya breaks the silence in the car.

“I’d say the view and atmosphere is best during late night. It’s calming.” Jungkook comments whilst staring straight ahead, focused on driving. Although, Zoya felt it was maybe a bit more than just being fully focused on his driving. Zoya hums at Jungkook’s mention of his preference for the sight at night.

It wasn’t long before the car came to a stop and the both made their way to walk by the river.  Zoya shivered slightly, feeling the cool breeze despite being in a thick jumper and crossed her arms over to reserve some heat. Jungkook didn’t fare any better in much thinner attire and his hand were stuffed in his hoodie’s pockets and donned his black cap and face mask, as there were still a few people enjoying the night-time sight of the river. They walked in silence, neither of them knowing how to start. Zoya decided to bite the bullet, “So…you wanted to talk. I’m guessing about last night.” Her voice coming out soft and calm, unlike the beating of her heart at her blunt statement.

“Yeah.. erm..” Jungkook started awkwardly, slightly startled with Zoya’s calm mention of yesterday. “About that… I think it’s best not to think of that as anything. It was just a weird moment.”

Zoya was taken aback by what he was saying, and it hurt a lot more than she anticipated. “Oh yeah…you’re right.” Zoya said tying to brush of the sting of his words. Zoya felt her fake smile wavering and Jungkook started to look concerned. Jungkook stepped towards Zoya to ask her if she was okay.

“Jungkook?” A girl questioned. Jungkook’s body tensed momentarily and then he noticeably created a big distance between himself and Zoya.

He turned to the voice with a smile, “Jihye, what are you doing here?”

“Oh nothing, I was on my way back to the dorms. I should ask you what you’re doing here?” Jihye says stepping closer.

“I just came out on a walk by myself, just needed some fresh air.” Zoya walks further back from Jungkook. The last thing they both needed is to cause any trouble with Zoya being seen with Jungkook right now.

“Mind if I join you for a bit?” Jihye asks as she stands closer to Jungkook and caresses his arm. “I could keep you company.”

Jungkook nervously laughs and peeks behind himself to where Zoya should have been. Jungkook looked around not seeing her anywhere. Jungkook starts to panic. “Erm sorry Jihye, I should be getting back to be honest, it’s getting late. Get home safe.” He hastily bids farewell to the girl and is off to look for Zoya. He whips his phone out and immediately calls her.

___

Zoya’s sniffling was interrupted when phone vibrates in her pocket and she takes it out to see ‘JK ’. She rolls her eyes and declines the call. Zoya decides to stop walking, assuming she’s far away enough from the pair, and sits on a bench ahead of her. She couldn’t watch Jihye flirt with Jungkook for a moment longer. Especially right after he practically said that the ‘almost kiss’ they had was a ‘weird moment’ that should have never happened. She felt as if her heart was physically in pain and fresh tears fell as she let the hurt and humiliation wash over her. Jeon Jungkook is an idol surrounded by girl like Jihye all the time. Why would he even look twice at Zoya like that. “I’m so stupid.” She whimpered to herself, her face hidden in her hands.

“Now that’s a little harsh.” A voice pipes in, causing Zoya to snap her head up at the uninvited speaker.

“Yoongi…” Zoya hastily wipes her eyes “I didn’t- wha-“ Zoya couldn’t form a proper sentence suddenly, but she took a calming breath to  and asked “What are you doing here?”

Yoongi took a seat beside Zoya and merely shrugged, “I come occasionally just to clear my head. It’s gets a little suffocating, you know?” If he saw her crying, quite obviously, he didn’t mention it.

“I guess? When it keeps piling on until you feel like you can’t breathe from the pressure.” Zoya feels unsure when Yoongi doesn’t reply. Before she realises what she’s doing, Zoya turns to him and suddenly says, “Mindfulness.” Yoongi looks at the girl confused. Zoya laughs, “Sorry, I meant to say you should try mindfulness, as a psychology student I totally recommend it. I use it when everything becomes too much.”

Yoongi hums and nods, as if taking in the advice. “So what? You just become mindful of everything?” Yoongi says, scrutinising the method. “Hardly sounds helpful. Sounds more stressful to me.”

Zoya smiles and shakes her head. “It’s not as stressful as it sounds. Here, try it.” Zoya straightens her posture and closes her eyes and gestures for him to follow suit. When met by silence, she opens her eyes and sees Yoongi’s reluctance to follow her instructions. Zoya tries to persuade him, “Come on. Please? Just at least try it and if you still think it’s stupid then I’ll respect your wrong opinion.” Yoongi raised an amused eyebrow at her the latter part of her speech, but finally conceded by closing his eyes and mirroring Zoya’s pose.

All that could be heard was the quiet chatter off the few people still around, the wind and the flowing of the river. “Allow your body to relax, let your arms rest…” Zoya peaked through one open eye and saw Yoongi visibly relax and she smiled and carried on speaking with a clam, soothing tone. “Listen to the wind...the water…let yourself be present in this moment. Be aware of the breathing. You take a breath in…and releasing it fully. Follow the breath as it goes in and out.” Zoya pauses and hears Yoongi’s calming breathing. “Okay! So that’s kind of the gist of mindfulness.” Zoya claps her hands together. “So how was it?”

Yoongi’s eyes open in alarm at the sudden end to the relaxing moment. Zoya smiles at him knowingly, to which he rolls his eyes at but gives her the satisfaction of being proven right. “Fine, that was…actually helpful and relaxing. I would like it if you told me more about this mindfulness.”

Zoya’s smile widens and eagerly agrees. “Of course. What are friends for? We are friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course we’re friends. You can’t get rid of me that easily anymore, you’re stuck with me now.” Yoongi nudges Zoya playfully and she giggles in return.

___

Jungkook spotted Zoya on a bench and ran towards it only to stop a few feet away when he noticed she had company. Watching them from afar, he felt a jealous pang in his heart. Jungkook decided to call Zoya again and saw her look at her phone and immediately her smile fell. She declined the call and Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He tried again and she sighed before declining again.

In addition to confusion, hurt marred his face. He couldn’t help but think of what Zoya could be talking about to the stranger, but his heart dropped when the man turned towards Zoya to reveal Yoongi. They seemed happy in each other’s company, as they laughed and Yoongi nudged her with a smile of his own to match Zoya’s.

Jungkook’s fist clenched and then unclenched, revealing crescent indents on his palms.

___

“Someone looking for you?” Yoongi says with a cocked eyebrow once Zoya declined another call.

“I don’t feel like being found right now...” Zoya mumbles as she fiddles with her fingers.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.” Yoongi reassured.

“It’s not that. It’s because it’s about someone- “

“It’s about Jungkook.” Yoongi states, cutting Zoya off.  Zoya’s face further confirmed what Yoongi already knew. “It was obvious” he shrugs, “to me at least.” He adds after seeing the panic on her face.

Zoya nervously giggles as she searches for a reply. “If I say something will you tell Jungkook?” She asks. Zoya knows that Yoongi’s loyalty lies with Jungkook as he was friends with Jungkook first and foremost.  This led to her surprise when Yoongi responded with an answer she didn’t anticipate.

“No. Within reason of course.” Yoongi says simply.

Zoya mulled over his answer for a few second and proceeded. “I like him.” Yoongi looks at Zoya as if to say ‘and?’ “I like him like him.” Yoongi remained unfazed. “More than a friend.” Zoya added. Still, Yoongi’s demeanour remained calm and was clear of any look of surprise. Zoya huffed at the lack of response from the man.

Before Zoya could say anything Yoongi spoke up. “Am I supposed to be surprised?” He says with a raised brow.

“I mean…yeah?” Zoya said unsurely, confused by the unforeseen reaction.

“Zoya…” Yoongi laughed and Zoya’s brows furrowed in confusion and annoyance at Yoongi’s actions.

“Look, I wouldn’t have told you if I knew you’d find my feelings for Jungkook humorous.” Zoya felt anger and hurt run through her. She was quick to stand from her seat and walk away, but Yoongi was quick to follow her.

“Wait. Wait Zoya.” Yoongi begged, as he caught up and matched Zoya’s strides. “I didn’t mean it like that. At all.” Zoya’s footsteps only grew quicker, refusing to listen anymore. “Zoya. Listen to me.” Yoongi’s tone had suddenly changed and Zoya faltered, and she doesn’t what it was in his voice that made her stop, but she did. However, she made no move to face the man, but Yoongi took that as green light. He walked in front of her in order to face her. “Look, I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing at the situation.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Zoya glared at him and crossed her arms.

Yoongi sighed but continued to explain. “Zoya, anyone with eyes could tell that the two of you like each other, It seems the only blind ones are the two of you.”

“I don’t think you calling me blind is-” Zoya’s words were cut off as she directed her attention to Jungkook who was suddenly in front of them. He looked, almost as if he was angry.

“What are you doing here?” Jungkook asked bluntly, his question directed at the man in front of Zoya. His voice, expression, and tone were so foreign to see on Jungkook. The happy, cute, silly Jungkook was nowhere to be seen. Instead a stiff, jaw clenched man stood in his place.

“I took a walk to clear my head.” Yoongi replied, seemingly unfazed by Jungkook’s hostile attitude. “What are you doing here?” Yoongi threw Jungkook’s question back at him.

Jungkook eyes flickered to Zoya for a split second before he answered. “I came out for a walk. I was on my way back to the dorms, but then I saw you two.” Jungkook ignored the burning stare of Zoya’s eyes on him, questioning his response. “Does Maya, your girlfriend, know you’re out so late with a girl?” Jungkook emphasised on “girlfriend’ as if to make a point.

Yoongi’s eyes narrowed as stepped towards the boy. “What are you insinuating?”

Jungkook shrugged, not intimidated by the older member “I’m just saying. I wouldn’t be okay in Maya’s shoes.”

Yoongi’s posture went stiff as the younger boy kept speaking. It was then that Zoya realised something: Jungkook knew Yoongi’s buttons and he was purposely pushing every single one. What she couldn’t figure out was why. “My girlfriend is a grown woman who knows I have female friends and Zoya is just that. A friend.” Yoongi steps a little closer to Jungkook and adds “I’d suggest you stop before you really say something you don’t mean.” It was a murmur loud enough for only Jungkook to hear. Yoongi had caught onto exactly what Jungkook was doing. He’d known him since he was a teenager, so Yoongi recognises when Jungkook is jealous.

Jungkook scoffs, ignoring Yoongi’s warning. “Oh, so you’re so close now? I didn’t realise. Fine you can drop her off back to her place then. I’m done with her.” He storms off leaving Zoya and Yoongi speechless.

Yoongi shook his head at Jungkook’s behaviour. Zoya had remained quiet for the entirety of the conversation between to two men and now wished she had said something. Zoya had not done anything to be treated like she was by Jungkook. The more she thought about it the more her anger replaced her sadness.

“Do you mind dropping me off?” Zoya asked, not bothering to hide her emotions. Her voice weak and she blinked rapidly trying to hold back the tears. Despite wanting to be angry at the way she was treated, it didn’t make Jungkook’s behaviour and words towards her hurt any less. Feelings aside, friends don’t treat each other like that, and it only finally hit her that she didn’t know Jungkook. Not this Jungkook. She was blindly clinging on to a memory of her past.

Yoongi decided it was best not to say anything and merely nodded to her request. The sad tone of the silence was deafening on the drive back and before Zoya got out of the car Yoongi spoke. “You know Jungkook only-“

Zoya stopped him before he could say anymore. “You don’t have to make excuses for him Yoongi. He said what he said. It’s fine, I’ll be fine. Goodnight.” She gave him a small smile and wave before heading inside the house.

As Zoya entered her mother popped out from the living room. “Oh, you’re home finally.” She noted.

“Yeah sorry, I didn’t mean to be so late.” Zoya, for the first time since leaving with Jungkook, checked the time: ‘2:00AM’. She’d been gone for nearly 3 hours. “I am really sorry.” Zoya said tiredly, drained from the events of the night.

Sara left the berating for another day, as she noticed her daughter’s mood. “Are you okay sweetie?” Zoya’s mom voice her concerns to which Zoya smiled weakly back.

“I’m fine. Just tired. I think I’m going to head straight to bed now. Goodnight.” Dismissing her mum’s concerns, she left for bed and proceeded to cry herself to sleep.

A/N Wow, look at me uploading again. This is to make up for going AWOL and not updating. Don’t expect me to update twice a week. I am trying to figure out a schedule that I can keep up with, so bare with me. But yeah, this was a packed chapter. Let me know your thoughts, I’d love to hear from you guys :)

-A

Masterlist

[shadowling-guistical]

Milestones

SUMMARY: After deciding to take a gap year, Virgil Sanders expected to enter his freshman year of college feeling anxious and out of place. But not if his childhood friends; Patton Hart, Roman Prince and Logan Croft have anything to say about it.

CHARACTERS: Virgil Sanders/Anxiety, Roman Sanders/Creativity, Logan Sanders/Logic, Patton Sanders/Morality, Thomas Sanders (mentioned/background), Remy Sanders (Mentioned/background) Dr. Emille Picani (Mentioned/Background).

PAIRINGS: Platonic LAMP but can be romantic if you squint and sorta tilt your head to the left.

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of therapy and medication. Discussions about university related stress

Read an extended version on AO3.

For @sanders-sides-fanzine‘s The Core of Us Fanzine! If you enjoyed this, consider downloading the zine (which is FREE!) and give the team and contributors some love!

It was, by all means, a normal summer day for one Virgil Sanders. He woke up, had breakfast, took his meds and logged on to chat with his close friends. That is, until his mother told him he had mail before she headed out to work. She had kissed him on the top of his head, as if she didn’t just send a jolt of electricity striking through his heart, oblivious as she handed him money to share with his siblings.

He excused himself from their voice chat and went down to retrieve it. As though psychic, each of his friends wished him luck in their own ways. They gushed and reassured him in their group chat while sending something totally separate in the Direct messages. Patton sent him a wholesome, motivating meme. Logan sent him a single question mark. Roman began blowing up his direct messages with fragments of excited texts. He in particular was excited for Virgil to finally join them in campus after taking a gap year for mental health reasons.

He passed by his baby brother watching his morning cartoons. His middle brother, Remy was probably still asleep. Virgil ruffled Thomas’ hair as he retreated back to his bedroom.

A whirl of emotions settled in his stomach after Virgil closed the door behind him. It began settling into a poisonous miasma of nervousness and dread, both very hot and very icy.

Virgil slid a nail edge under the flap- tearing it open. He took the contents out, scanned the words and-

…

“…Oh…”

.

.

 His status soon went from online to idle and finally, offline.

.

.

.

That night, Patton spent his evening fretting over the lack of a reply. Where was the usual emoji of a purple heart? Frustrated, he finally stopped pacing around his room long enough to go down to the kitchen. His freckled face screwed in determination while he took out his mixing bowls. Now, what was the recipe for chocolate brownies again?

Logan waited with bated breath for that single exclamation point. Over the next few hours, he forced himself to calm down. He reminded himself that Virgil probably needed logic and reason the most at this moment. He put away his phone and began looking up the procedure for an admission appeal. The date shouldn’t be too far away, right? Or perhaps another institution nearby?

Roman found himself wishing for a snarky reply about how much they will be seeing each other on campus.  He waited as time stretched out to midnight and beyond. Before he slept, he made a mental note to find his copy of Black Cauldron amongst his extensive collection of Disney Movies. A Disney movie night never failed to cheer his friend up!

.

.

.

Next mid afternoon, Virgil found himself nervously tapping his feet as he waited for someone to pick up the call he was making. He spent earlier that morning in his regular therapy sessions with his therapist. Virgil mainly talked about his current development of events. Doctor Picani had advised him to talk to his support system about his fears, and to be open to them. And that was what Virgil was attempting to do.

 "Hello?? Virgil?" 

 Virgil swallowed, throat suddenly dry.

 "Hey Pat… um…" 

 Patton, bless him, patiently waited for Virgil instead of bombarding him with questions. 

 "Take your time kiddo. Roman and Logan are with me, do you want this to be on speaker?" 

 "Yeah, Pat… That'll uh… That'll be swell." 

 Great. Might as well get this over with. There was a click and Virgil can hear rustling from the other line. 

 "Virgil," He heard Logan speak in his calm timbre, "Are you well?" 

 "Yeah I am actually… just ...well," A deep breath, "I got accepted Lo." 

 "Ah… Congratulations!" Logan sounded sincere, while there was a flurry of voices in the background. Probably Roman and Patton being excited.

 "Thanks Lo…" Virgil sat down on his bed heavily. 

 "You don't sound so happy about it, J Delightful. You didn’t even came back to talk to us yesterday,” 

 "I am Ro.. I am… But… God. I’m sorry for being a jerk. When I read the letter. I was…happy. But…" 

 "…You panicked?" 

 "... Yeah…" Virgil mumbled, beginning to rub his eyes, "And it's not even because I'm struggling. Dr P and I are doing great! My meds are fine. He's teaching me how to deal with everything… But I still feel…" 

 "Unprepared…?" 

 Patton's calming voice sort of broke something in him, and Virgil felt his throat close up and his eyes water. 

 “…Scared…"

 "Oh kiddo…" 

 "Virgil…You know that you don't have to go now. There's always the option of delaying or opting to start at the second intake," 

 "I know that Lo…But I really want to go NOW. But ugh…" Virgil let himself fall back onto his bed and sniffed, "I just got so overwhelmed. Thinking of the things I need to pack, classes, paperwork…Picking a major. Where do I even BEGIN?"

 "We understand. Look, me and Specs need to go soon. How do you feel about Patton coming over to keep you company? We’ll handle the other stuff later. Together." 

 "That's right Kiddo! I have some brownies here with your name on em!" 

 Virgil wiped his eyes with the edge of his hoodie sleeve, "That sounds… amazing, Pat. You'd do that?" 

 "In a Hart-beat," The pun made Virgil smile. "And if you want, I can help you find some on campus resources. The counselling department has some amazing counsellors," 

 Virgil took a deep breath, and exhaling slowly, "... Yeah.. I think I'd like that…Thanks Patton" 

 "Excellent. I shall look up other relevant information for a later date."

 "Right…" Virgil agreed, "Thanks L...Princey. I appreciate it a lot." 

 "Anything for our emo." 

 "See you soon Virgil!"

. 

. 

. 

The next few days passed by like a blur. It was all hands-on deck, with Patton, Logan and Roman helping him in all matters big and small. 

Patton came by, gave him a hug and fed him the brownies. Later, he sat with Virgil in front of his computer, guiding him on all the resources available on campus. After a while, Virgil found himself mulling very little as he sent an email to a counsellor on campus to set up an appointment. In fact, he daresay he started to look forward to it. Patton was there throughout the whole process, just generally providing the best help he could have ever asked for. Virgil asked him questions extensively, and Patton patiently answered each and every one.

His support and help prompted Virgil to later wear a small enamel badge he found while browsing a thrift store. It reminded Virgil that there are people looking out and supporting him at every turn in his life. 

With an appointment with a counsellor now booked, Virgil turned his attention to his classes. In this area, Logan came in- keen and determined. 

Armed with several sheets of printed out information, he came to Virgil's house the night after Patton left.

He explained Virgil's options, going through one suggestion at a time. He reassured him about choosing his major, telling him that he can remain undeclared as long as he needed to. But also to be mindful about what classes he decides to take. Highlighter in hand, they slowly but surely mapped out the classes Virgil could register in his first year. It was balanced in that it both provided enough time for him to settle in his new environment and for Virgil to still get the credit hours he needed.

It was because of Logan that Virgil started carrying with him a small nondescript journal. He wrote everything in it, from reminders to To Do lists. It helped him plan, and made him recall Logan's words that learning is always something that Virgil has control over. 

Roman literally came in full force. Barging in early one morning and boisterously announcing his arrival to help him pack. Surprisingly, he was very helpful. He took the time to help Virgil organise everything and all the while, they just… talked. They bantered and joked. Each day, Roman never failed to show up. He skillfully took Virgil's mind of the stress of moving away as the date crawled nearer. He talked about the plays that will be put on that semester, promising to introduce Virgil to the cast and crew. Remembering their high school days, Virgil promised to consider trying out as the crew and Roman smiled encouragingly, saying nothing more. 

And if Virgil started wearing a little red in any instance where he needed a boost of confidence, Roman didn't need to know that too.

.

.

. 

Virgil admitted he took a little while to get to certain milestones compared to his peers. But as Roman's car began to move away from their neighbourhood, Logan's GPS pre-set to Florida University and Patton's brownies started being passed around, he realized that taking his time was well worth it. 

[f1]

All good between Verstappen and Perez after chat over first-lap near-misses | 2023 Austrian Grand Prix

The Red Bull team mates say they cleared the air with each other following a series of close calls between the pair on the first lap of the Austrian Grand Prix sprint race. Max Verstappen and Sergio Perez complained about each other’s moves after the start of yesterday’s first race at the Red Bull Ring. “He pushed me off, man, what the fuck?” fumed Verstappen when Perez edged him onto the grass at the exit of turn one after taking the lead from the pole-winner at the start. Verstappen reclaimed the place at the next corner, repaying the favour to Perez by forcing him onto the asphalt run-off. Perez was on his outside at the next corner as well, and again Verstappen stayed well wide of the inside line, but did not go far enough to put Perez into the gravel. The delay did cost Perez a place to Nico Hulkenberg, however. “What’s wrong with Max, man?” asked Perez as they continued. Verstappen lost his advantage from pole position to Perez as he struggled to get off the line on the wet circuit. “I didn’t have a great start and then just had a lot of wheel spin and oscillations going on,” he explained. “And then you just lose out massively. “Then out of turn one I had a little moment there where I had to go with two wheels on the grass, which was very slippery. Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free “But then I got back on and braked quite late into turn three, and then it was all like, two or three wide going into turn four, and then we all settled in.” Perez forced Verstappen onto the grass on lap one Verstappen refused to say whether he felt Perez had gone too far with his defensive moves. “It’s not about that,” he demurred, indicating the pair cleared the air immediately after the race “We just spoke about it. Because when the moment happens, of course, you don’t know why it gets to that. But then after the race, we talked about it and it’s all good.” He said he stayed wide of the apex in turns three and four when taking the lead from Perez in order to take advantage of grip off the racing line. “It’s wet, so you cannot drive on the normal line anyway because there’s less grip there,” said Verstappen. “That’s why also turn three, four especially, at the outside, in the beginning, had more grip, so that’s where you want to be with the car anyway. And then, of course, when it dries up, you start to move more and more to the inside.” Perez said he didn’t intend to force Verstappen onto the grass as they exited the final corner. “I had a good start and went a bit deep into turn one so at the exit,” he explained. “I’m just trying to protect my line, I didn’t realise that Max was pretty much alongside me, and that he was into the grass. “The visibility was quite poor, although it wasn’t raining that much on those first laps. Although I was leading, it was quite hard to see behind, and when I realised Max was there, it was just a little bit too late. That was it. “We spoke about it after the race and it was just a bit of a shame that I lost the place to Nico, but other than that, I think we got the maximum points for the team and that’s pretty much it.” Bringing the F1 news from the source RaceFans strives to bring its readers news directly from the key players in Formula 1. We are able to do this thanks in part to the generous backing of our RaceFans Supporters. By contributing £1 per month or £12 per year (or the equivalent in other currencies) you can help cover the costs involved in producing original journalism: Travelling, writing, creating, hosting, contacting and developing. We have been proudly supported by our readers for over 10 years. If you enjoy our independent coverage, please consider becoming a RaceFans Supporter today. As a bonus, all our Supporters can also browse the site ad-free. Sign up or find out more via the links below: Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 Austrian Grand Prix Browse all 2023 Austrian Grand Prix articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[blueandgoldoffice]

None of my Asks are showing up and it's starting to make me upset..

Good morning, dear

Today is your lucky day; you’re going to get a behind-the-scenes tour of how things run at the Blue and Gold!

Hi! I’m Mother Maple - I’m Canadian, and I’m a mother. 

It’s just after 0800 here where I live in Northern Alberta (side note- when is the snow going to melt? It’s been on the ground for six months and three days, people. I’m over it) and my husband, recently returned from his third deployment and/or training mission in the last year and a half, has just gone to work. 

I’ve fed him and packed his lunch, and now I have to contend with the fact that my house is in complete chaos because there is army crap EVERYWHERE. (Seriously, they teach them how to be tidy in basic training, so why does my house look like a kit bomb went off in it every time he comes back from a trip?)

My high-needs toddler is still sleeping, thanks to daylight savings time, but he’ll be up soon and demanding breakfast. He will not stop eating until he goes to bed. And he likes his veggies and fruit chopped. (Already have a savings account devoted to feeding him as a teenager, heaven help me.)

Once he has his first protein fix of the day, he’ll be unstoppable. He makes Taz look lazy - and the mess he’ll make will make my husband’s army chaos look like dropped coffee next to an Atlantic oil spill. His current obsession is Lego, and boy is he good at it, but if he can’t find that one block that he needs, he will dump that entire bucket of Lego on the carpet and burrow like a Niffler until he does. 

At some point, I should probably eat something too.

 Pyjamas aren’t exactly day wear, either. 

Keeping my kitchen clean is something of a pipe dream at this point, but I should make an effort at that. I ran out of plates one day last week and it was not pretty. 

Oh, and Monday is laundry day - and one would think that wearing a uniform to work lessens the load but it actually triples it. Fun fact.

My next-door-neighbour recently had a hip replacement, so I’m taking turns with some of the girls to do her shopping. Hubby took the car to work, so I’m taking Shank’s pony to the shops. I’m also taking my kid, who likes to browse. 

So that’s just my morning and I won’t bore you with the rest of my day but you get the gist. 

Jandy has kids, too. And a full-time job. I would imagine that her kids, who are older and who outnumber mine, wear more clothing and eat more food. They probably tidy up after themselves though, so she does have that going over me. K is equally busy.

Recently I made a post on my own blog that mentioned that my therapist has put strict time limits on how much time I can devote to fandom - that is reading, commenting and blue-and-golding. I max out at one hour, but we prefer 45 minutes.

So - how we answer asks. I mostly dabble in lost fics, which are pretty straight forward. We either know them or we don’t. If we do, we link them up and put them in the queue. (We queue all of our asks because some days we have a productive fit and answer twenty all at once, and some days we don’t find anything and there’s really no need to publish evidence of our ineptitude all over Tumblr.)

If we don’t - well that’s when it gets fun. Obviously, our first step is a filter search. For example, we recently queued up an ask looking for a fic in which Jughead is a firefighter etc. I happened to know it off the top of my head, but it was well tagged so even if I didn’t know it, it would have come up under a simple ‘bughead’ ‘firefighter’ search.  (@transparentpicklezonklover your ask is queued)

Now, if it hadn’t been well tagged, we would have had to turn to Google which is sometimes a real pain in the back end. Per the firefighter ask, I would have searched ‘ao3 Jughead firefighter auction’ and received a whole lot of Captain America fic for my troubles. But no matter! We persevere, putting stranger and stranger combinations of words into that little search bar until it finally cracks and gives up its secrets. 

My record is six days of searching for a single fic. I saw it in my dreams. It was behind my eyelids every time I blinked. I even asked my husband, who wouldn’t know Bughead if he walked in on them in the bunker, if he’d read it.

Of course, sometimes we just can’t find it and we put it out to the audience, and someone invariably links it within three-point-five seconds, making us question just how inevitable our obsolescence is. (Just kidding, I actually love the community aspect of it and I feel all warm and fuzzy when people help us out.)

So. Your most recent ask is looking for Jughead visiting Hal in jail. It’s not a lost fic, but the principle will be more or less the same because I don’t know any off the top of my head. Which means searching for them - and filtering out all the FP in jail fics that come up first. I or one of the other mods will read, or at least skim, dozens of prison fics that come up on google (ao3 search has failed us, alas) to see which Riverparent is in jail (honestly though, they should all be in jail) and if Jughead or Betty does the visiting. Betty visits FP and Hal a lot, so we have to weed through quite a few. 

You sent your ask on Friday, and this follow-up yesterday. You gave us less than two days to answer an ask that will take literal hours to complete - when we already have 20 other asks in our inbox that were there first. 

I will also add that I posted this last time you were in our inbox decrying our delay in answering your asks. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt as a new blog, and took it as a teaching moment. 

You should also read this post that Jandy recently made on the same subject.

We will not respond to any further follow-up asks of this nature - particularly not from empty side blogs that seem to exist for the sole purpose of side-stepping our no-anons rule. 

If anyone truly believes that their ask has been lost - and we’re talking weeks of inactivity - please feel free to follow up (especially if you can provide more detail on which we thrive like ladybugs love aphids). We are here to help, and we don’t want to leave anyone out if it can be avoided. 

But, as I’ve said before, we are humans. We are not bots, and we only have so much time to devote to this. Please give us patience.

~MM

[niall-is-my-dream]

Songbird - Part One

“When Erin decides to perform one of her favourite songs at a bar, she didn’t expect one of the singers, Niall Horan, to be in the audience. What started as an appreciation for her cover quickly turns into more than either bargained for.”

(Previously known as Fools Gold, this fic has been edited, reworked and finally finished!)

Thanks to @angryniall for being an amazing beta!

As always let me know what you think.

Em x

3065 words

Niall's POV

You really hadn't wanted to go out last Friday night, you'd barely gotten over your jet lag and would have preferred to lie on the sofa watching golf. However the lads said it was going to be a quiet one, at a place with live music and that they weren't going to be late back.

You were immediately pleased with your decision to go out when this absolutely beautiful girl stepped out on stage and started singing. When she reached her final song you couldn't believe it when she sat with her guitar and sung Fools Gold. A song you'd helped write and had performed on your recent tour. You quickly started filming her, she played it well.

God was there anything better than seeing an absolutely stunning girl sitting with just a guitar and singing one of your songs.

You'd clapped when she had finished, watching her pack away her guitar, before walking off towards the bar, talking to a few people along the way. She stopped by a lad at the bar and he brought her a pint of Guinness.

She was perfect.

Was that lad her boyfriend?

She hadn't kissed him when she greeted him and she'd not sat down with him. Instead she was sat next to another couple.

"Hey Nialler, it's rude to stare!" Deo had said laughing.

"What?! Wasn't staring at anything, just looking around." You'd replied.

"She sang your song well didn't she?" Willie had said, when he realised where you'd been looking.

"Yeah, really well, was going to send it to the lads."

"Maybe go over and ask her permission before you do that?"

"Yeah, maybe." You'd nervously replied.

"Have another drink for courage mate!" He'd laughed.

And you had.

Then ten minutes later when she'd gone back to the bar, you'd looked over catching her friends eye and decided to go talk to her.

She was even better in person. Her beautiful blue eyes sparkled when she spoke. You couldn't believe it when she said she'd been to your London gig, and that she liked it. She was a fan but not a crazy stalker one who waits outside tv studios for you, she was a fan who listened to your music, really listened and then learnt how to play it.

Now you were sat here, phone in hand having just received the lads response to the video recording of her singing Fools Gold. They'd loved it and said she was brilliant.

You wanted to message her, but nerves had engulfed you. It had been 5 days since you'd seen her. Had you left it too long to message? You did say you'd message once you'd heard from them all.

God why was this so hard?

You'd messaged girls before. But there was something about Erin, you hadn't stopped thinking about her.

After writing and deleting a message about ten times, you settled on keeping it simple.

"Hi Erin, the boys loved seeing the video I sent them. Hope you're ok and work isn't too busy. Niall x"

Was the kiss at the end too much?

Placing your phone next to you on the sofa and letting out a massive sigh, you browsed through the sports channels. A long and tense hour later and your phone vibrated beside you.

"Hi Niall, it's good to hear from you, glad they liked it and didn't think I was an idiot! Work isn't too busy actually, doing a few night shifts right up until Xmas eve. Hope you're enjoying your time off. Erin x"

She had put a kiss at the end. You smiled at the sight of it.

Not wanting to sound too eager to maybe spend some time with her, but not being able to help being direct, you replied with.

"Are you working over Xmas? I'm off now for a few weeks until end of January. Going home to ireland on the 23rd till the 28th. Looking forward to eating loads of my mother's cooking! X"

"Nothing better than your mother's cooking is there? I'm in on Xmas eve on the night shift till 7am then I'll go to my parents and sleep off the shift and probably stuff my face with my mother's Xmas dinner. Back in 7am on the 28th."

You let out a laugh at her reply.

"Ha! Stuff your face! Think I'll be the same, my mother always cooks like there's 50 people coming when in reality it's normally about 10 of us. Where do your parents live?"

"Not far only in Bishops Stortford in Hertfordshire. My dad will drive and pick me up as I don't have a car, don't find I need one much."

"I sold my car a while ago as I just wasn't using it, I've just been away for 7 weeks so it would have just sat unused that whole time. I tend to use the tube or borrow my cousins car who I live with."

"The tube?! That's brave! Do girls follow you around when they spot you?"

"Not really recognised much, you know what people are like on the tube they don't even look at each other!"

"Ha! I suppose! I just get on and look at my phone then hear my stop and get off."

"Londoners aren't exactly the most social on the tube!"

"No they're not! So you live with your cousin then?"

"Yeah, he moved to London around the same time I did so we decided to live together. He's one of my best friends so we spend a lot of time together. Makes sense that we live together any way, he can keep an eye on the place when I'm not here. Do you live with anyone?"

Did she have a boyfriend? You weren't sure you were ready to ask her outright yet.

"No, just moved out from a house share to a place of my own, managed to buy a place. Just a little one bed flat, but its good to be on my own. Hated sharing with my friends, they're so fucking noisy! I'm loving the peace and quiet."

"Congrats on getting your own place. Luckily my cousin is pretty quiet. No wild parties here!"

"Sure there isnt! I'm sorry Niall but I've got to go to work now, got to go deliver some babies! Maybe chat again? X"

"That's ok Petal, you go deliver those babies! And yes, I would love to chat again, message me soon xxxx"

You sat back further on the sofa, placing your phone beside you again. Had you sounded a bit desperate with your last message? Was 4 kisses at the end too much?

Oh god what had got into you!

"You ok Niall?" Willie asked, as he walked into the living room.

"Yeah, just text that girl from Friday."

"Oh yeah, what did you say?"

"Just chatted a bit, she's got to go to work now, night shift at a hospital." You said with a sigh.

"Sounds like you like her?!" He smirked.

"I do, she's different from other girls, don't know how. Just something about her."

"She got a boyfriend?"

"Don't know I didn't ask, didn't want to seem pushy. She said she'd message me soon when she's not working, I'll ask her then."

You both sat and chatted with each other for a bit, having a couple of beers before you both went to bed.

The next morning you woke up to a message.

"Hey Niall I hope this message doesn't wake you up, downside of a 1am break! Was really great talking to you earlier, sorry I had to cut it short and head to work. Hope we can talk again soon. Erin Xxxx"

A smile spread across your face, you looked at your clock it was 7:30am not normally a time you'd be up but jetlag had messed with your sleep schedule. She'd be on her way home now you thought.

"Was great to wake up to your message, hope you had a good night at work. Text when you wake up later would love to talk more xxxx"

You couldn't wait till later.

********

Erin's POV

You smiled as you sat on the tube home, reading Niall's message. You'd replied straight away.

"Work was hectic lots of babies! Can't wait to sleep, will message later, have a good day xxxx"

You had managed to get through the night shift at work without daydreaming of Niall. You'd not mentioned your texts to anyone, especially not Kathy. She was the one you'd been to the concert with. Her daughter Lyla was a massive fan, so she had brought 4 tickets and invited you and one of Lyla's school friends to go. If she knew you'd met him, and had been texting him she would freak out. She was a good friend, but you weren't ready to share this secret with anyone just yet.

You climbed into bed at 8am and set your alarm for 3pm. You were on another night shift tonight so you knew you'd need at least 7 hours sleep in preparation for another 12 hour night.

Your shifts weren't too bad. You normally did two 12 hour night shifts a week and two 8 hour day ones. You'd picked up a few extra longer shifts the last two weeks, as you'd got a few days off over Christmas, so wanted to help out before hand.

You fell asleep almost instantly, thoughts of Niall swimming in your head.

Your alarm woke you from your slumber. Your first thought was Niall. When you'd had been texting yesterday before work the conversation had been easy. You text him straight away, hoping you'd be able to chat before you went into work later.

"Hey I'm awake now if you're free to chat? X"

He replied within minutes.

"Afternoon Erin. You sleep well? X"

"Yeah, not too bad. Got 7 hours. Just about to get some food. Got to leave by 6pm to get to work again."

"Ah that sucks, was hoping we could hang out sometime before I go back to Ireland. I'm busy tomorrow and then I'm flying the day after that. Unless you have a boyfriend and can't?"

He's asking about a boyfriend.

Do not freak out!

"Yeah I'm sorry, I'm now regretting signing up for extra shifts! Maybe when you're back? And no I don't have a boyfriend."

"Definitely, there's always texting and maybe face time over Xmas?"

Oh my god!

He wants to face time.

Fuck!

Be cool!

"I'd like that. How was your day?"

"Did some last minute shopping and then wrapped some of it. Have left it till the last minute again!"

"Well you have been busy touring! Bet the shops were packed!"

"They were and I got spotted a few times which delayed it. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind having pictures with fans, but I just wanted to get in and get out today! Currently lounging on the sofa again!"

Then he sent an absolutely gorgeous selfie of himself lying on his sofa. He looked unreal. You could feel your body heating up from just that one photo.

"God that sofa looks comfy!" You replied cheekily.

"It is, just a shame you have to go to work. There's a space here for you next to me."

Your heart was beating so fast in your chest at this point that you thought it might explode.

"Hey! don't tease!"

You were thoroughly enjoying this carefree flirting you had going on.

"Ha! Sorry! What you cooking then?"

"Oh it's very exciting!" You replied as you took a picture of your stir fry.

"Looks good. You'll have to let me come over and cook for you some time. X"

"That's a deal! X"

The text messages just kept bouncing back and forth, until you were putting your stuff in your locker at work. You took a selfie of yourself in your scrubs and sent it to him.

"Got to go now, babies to deliver. X"

"Never seen anyone look so sexy in scrubs before! X"

"Piss take! X"

"Ha! No seriously you look beautiful Erin, hope work goes ok. 😘"

He had ended your messages with a kiss emoji. You internally squealed, the smile you had on your face was definitely not going away.

Another shift ended and you got your stuff from your locker to find he had messaged you again. You'd not had much chance to stop for a break so hadn't checked your phone in 12 hours. But there it was, a single message from Niall that definitely brightened up your morning.

"Hey I guess when you read this it will be morning. So good morning, hope work was ok. Can't wait to chat later, keep looking at your picture. I'm doing work stuff today but can reply. Can't wait to hear from you. X"

Honestly this whole texting thing was surreal. You replied, deciding to be cheeky and add the kiss emoji on the end like he had done last night.

"Morning Niall, hope you slept well, can't wait to sleep, my feet hurt! I will send you a much better picture than my scrubs one, I promise. 😘 Will message later x"

Jumping on the tube with all the early commuters on their way to work, you couldn't wait to get home. Work was about a 45 minutes trip and you soon made it back to your flat. After a quick shower to freshen up you threw on some cosy pyjamas and climbed into bed.

You didn't sleep long as you were not working that night and were on a day shift the next day. Niall had said he was working, but you text him just after 1pm when you woke up. It felt weird to be texting him like this when you had only just met. The messages had gotten quite flirty, and as much as you loved it you weren't expecting it to materialise into anything. This was Niall Horan for fucks sake, why would he want you?

This was only a bit of fun and you needed to remember that.

You messaged him saying hi and that you had just woken up and were about to take a shower, needing to wash your hair ready for this evening. By the time he messaged back, you had dressed in jeans and a long sleeve cotton top and dried your hair.

"Hey you, sorry only just replying I was in an interview. How was your sleep? You working tonight? X"

"Its ok, how was your interview? No I'm off tonight but back in tomorrow at 9am. I have a works thing tonight in Camden tonight, going to The Colonel Fawcett as they do loads of awesome gins, but won't be drinking much. X"

"Sounds fun, I'm catching up with some friends for a Christmas drink tonight to. Interview was ok, it was for a golf thing I'm going to next month. X"

"Golf? You play?"

"Yeah love it, it's not a boring old man's game!"

"Never said it was!"

"Ha! Most people think it is! So have you told anyone that we've been messaging?"

"No, I haven't"

"What no one?"

"No, I thought you'd prefer the discretion, plus no need for me to tell anyone. Have you?"

"Just my cousin, he was the one who encouraged me to come and talk to you."

"You weren't going to come over?"

"No, was too nervous, but he said I should probably ask your permission to send the boys the video of you, and may have given me a gentle nudge in your direction!"

So the nervousness he had shown when he was talking to you had been real. He was so sweet, you really felt like you had got to know him over the last few days. The real him, not the one standing up on stage in front of thousands of people. You didn't hesitate with your reply.

"Ha! Well I'm glad he did, I really enjoy talking to you. X"

"Me to. I have another interview now so I'll message you in a bit. X"

He did message you back, 45 mins later as you were cleaning up your flat and sorting through Christmas presents. You'd started to sort out your bag to take home with you too. Your dad was going to come here for your stuff and then collect you from work early Christmas morning.

You began messaging back and forth again, this time getting more and more flirty. He practically begged you for a picture when you were ready to go out and you asked for one in return. You'd smiled and bit your lip nervously as you took it. Your fitted black knee length skirt hugged your curves well and you'd teamed it with black heels and a dark blue floaty top. Your naturally curly red hair was tucked over one shoulder.

He replied straight away and caused an instant blush on your cheeks.

"Wow, you look fucking amazing!"

"Ha! Thanks, now where's my picture???!!!"

He sent one to you, he was wearing his trademark dark blue jeans and a white long sleeve cotton v neck top, a little bit of chest hair visible. God you wanted to run your fingers through it. He'd styled his hair with a high flick and was doing his smouldering look.

"Ooohhh hello! Where's the smile Horan?!"

A minute later. He sent the same picture but this time he was smiling.

"Much better! Although I do love that smouldering look! 😉"

"Ha! Don't be cheeky! Seriously you look beautiful, don't go getting anyone's number and making me jealous!"

Interesting??!!!

"Oh really that's not allowed? Well make sure you don't get anyone's tonight either!"

"No it's not! Don't want to share you with anyone. X"

"Don't want to share you either. X"

This time you didn't bother to hide your squeal and the sound of it echoed around your small bedroom.

This made you happy to know that he wasn't seeing anyone else and that he didn't want you to either. You still didn't know what to expect from him. You'd only met him face to face once, and that was for literally less than ten minutes. This texting was getting crazy. You really needed to see him. You'd have to wait till after Christmas since he was away and you were working and away to.

Thanks for reading!I

Em x

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[bridiemcquade-blog]

The Cookie Monster

This creature first evolved in 1994 and despite its transparent appearance, it has been lurking silently in our homes ever since. We encounter its presence through daily images projected onto our screens which mimic our interests. Through manipulation of our choices, it cleverly persuades us into thinking that decisions made are our own, disguising the influence and power it has over our everyday lives. The monster advances on our every move. However, its frame has become discernible in more recent years, with privacy advocates working hard to make us vigilant to the possibility that our biggest secrets are being listened to and shared.

The 'Cookie Monster' has several levels of victim. Perhaps the most vulnerable being the elderly, who may not be computer literate and therefore more susceptible to its influence. However, the younger generation equipped with greater technical knowledge are more savvy and so, less likely to become its prey. So, what exactly is the 'Cookie Monster'?

The 'Cookie' is defined as a piece of information gathered from websites you have previously visited online. The sole purpose of a cookie is to enable web servers to keep track of your daily activity. Many people consider a cookie as a useful 'tool' as it can help you find something you have been interested in quickly and with little effort. Alternatively, cookies can be perceived as 'internet stalkers' which track your every move, extracting important and personal information without our full consent. In other words, cookies are able to gather more information about us than we know ourselves. Since most people don't actually understand what a cookie is or what the security issues are when accepting the countless pop-up ads, they often click 'allow' out of fear of crashing their computer rather than be denied access.

In many cases, people aren't aware they are being "cookied" unless they find a button that can disable this 'automatic acceptance'. This enables websites a way in to pitch their services often at a higher price than if the cookie was 'disabled'. In fact, I was a victim to this yesterday when researching holidays on 'Expedia.com', I later witnessed when re-visiting the site the prices had increased considerably claiming to be a "one-off deal". Whilst this morning, I was browsing on 'Asos' and the same 'deals' being pitched on 'Expedia' re-appeared with captions saying the hotels had "limited availability". Their prior knowledge of my intentions helps them to influence my purchases.

So, what happens if you deny access to these cookies? You can face two consequences: you are either bombarded with cookie requests (resembling a cold caller) or you are denied access altogether to the site. This refusal can become a real issue, as the fast-pace of our society requires immediate responses to information being sought. Any delays in finding such information becomes tedious, with a risk of not being able to locate it at all. Even the large size of the cookie request box blocks your view of the site, symbolizing that no acceptance means there is no chance of retrieving this information.

Perhaps the most frustrating thing is that the 'cookie' is a perfectly legal invasion of our privacy. With our growing demand of online services, we are feeding the cookies appetite to glean information, enabling the repetition of this behaviour to continue. Even the name 'cookie' conjures up a sweet, trusting and desirable vision, masking the threat posed upon us.

So what do we do? Well there is no real escape, even a day spent not on the computer is a day spent on the phone where they infiltrate our lives just as dramatically. We have become used to immediate access to everything, meaning a life without cookies can affect the services we now expect. Perhaps we must accept that such innovation comes at a personal cost.