#this is how easy it is to get humans to buy into something unreal and make it appear to exist

[halfelven]

a much longer than i anticipated halloween psa on hallucinations, sleep paralysis, and horror. the point of it being that you don't have to engage in horror if you don't want to, hallucinations are culturally influenced so people "seeing" the "same" thing doesn't mean it actually exists, horror videos are easy to make and not real, and having psychosis doesn't make you scary

since halloween is approaching rapidly i would like to take a moment to say that i am not putting up scary things/jump scare videos this year or any year!

also please respect and don't question why someone doesn't want to read/watch/interact with horror, and don't push someone into watching/reading something with horror elements bc it's "funny and not scary."

"I don't like that" is enough of an answer to give or to get!

there are medical conditions and certain medications that can increase or cause hallucinations, and those hallucinations can be shaped by horror movies/scary images even in a "funny" setting, so please just leave people alone about the "why"

and this year with the addition of:

horror videos are very, very, very easy to fake! the lower quality the video is, the easier it will be to pull off things like "objects flying around" etc. fishing wire is barely visible in a clear video, let alone a black and white, poor quality "surveillance camera"

blood and gore is so easy to fake in dim lighting/low quality too because it can be water-downed ketchup (and fake blood is so realistic and so easy to buy now!) and would still look "real" enough

(seriously people have mistaken gore for being "real" on vhs tapes that when remastered look like the gore is made of playdough)

it's so easy to play with dim lights and make jump scares with that! you're programmed to be be wary of predatory animals that might hurt you at night (like bears and lions or something) so that's why you freak out even if you "know" it is coming because your brain is thinking "oh no there's a danger here" and when the scare happens you think "that's the danger right there!"

it is so so so so so so so so easy to fake objects moving with fishing line or stop motion or just magnets or sticking a doll on top of a drill

you can so easily adjust contrast to make "too bright" eyes or something and filming in low light with a bright light on a human's eyes will already make them look "unreal" (I have low quality, in the dark, unsteady photos of myself where my eyes look like gollum's pretty much and I know it's not real because it's me. it just looks weird because it was really dark and the photographer was shaky and it's grainy with a high contrast)

editing is moving so fast now that people can make convincing-enough "monsters" or "demons" or something at home now! because it doesn't have to look like anything in particular and even it looking "wrong" and the movements not being "right" makes it scarier to us, so someone could fake a ghost in an afternoon I have seen so many "ghost" videos where I'm just like yes it looks scary but I can tell you it's not real because I studied video/photo editing and know how it's done

like I have made some pretty scary horror myself so I know, I /know/ it is fake

seriously if these things were real they would be in our textbooks

the most likely reason we freak out about "demons" and "ghosts" and such are diseases that we didn't understand and gave "supernatural" stories to to explain sick people. that's why they'll kill you, since you're going to catch the disease from them. (it's an instinct to protect ourselves from the disease by avoiding infection even when we didn't understand viruses and bacteria)

most "universal" stories like that can be traced back to certain illnesses from rabies to brain tumors

there is so much going on with humans and audio that we don't even realise or fully understand! just putting low enough sounds in the video can make you feel complete dread! probably because your body thinks something like an earthquake is coming? (like at the fastest that i can get into explaining it!)

a lot of "haunted" houses/places can be explained by underground ground movements! the plates moving make a sound we can't hear but can /feel/ and it scares us. this is why so many "haunted" places were called "haunted" by people who lived there even though they had different stories for what caused the "haunting"

sleep paralysis "demons" or "aliens" are influenced culturally and change over time! some people don't want to watch horror because it can shape what they see! just because a lot of people see the "same" monster does not mean it's actually real! memories are also not reliable. if you see a weird shadow thing and remember it as that and then see a picture later and say "the creature looked exactly like that" it's because your brain fills in the gaps to match so it can make sense. this again does not make it real! it did not look "exactly" like that but your brain wants to match pictures so it lies to you. this bad memory response explains so many stories of seeing the "same" "supernatural" thing

(I have a very good memory and find this happening to me all the time where my brain just wants everything to "match up" and "make sense" so it looks at something ehhh maybe similar and says good enough. I look out for it so I can catch it now, but I'm sure lots still slips by)

like seriously with memories and hallucinations so much is shaped by external influence. it does not mean that there is "proof" that these particular "demons" exist

you do not have to share anything personal about yourself to say why you don't want to do anything scary

you can watch charlie brown and eat candy if you want and anyone who respects you will be fine with that. they can even join after they do their own thing if you both want to

again you don't have to share anything personal about yourself! I am going to because I am an adult who feels comfortable doing so because I do want to share that I have experienced hallucinations (they can be caused "just" by stress and sleep deprivation too, so some people might experience them once or twice in their life and never again) that are really terrifying and feel 100% real when they are happening.

I did a lot of research into things like why sleep paralysis hallucinations are often described in the same way which is why I have a lot of this information.

when I became more aware of how my brain was processing information it was easier to explain things like why I and so many people will see shadowy figures in sleep paralysis. humans search for humans/faces on instinct because they are social, and a bookcase or shadows on the ceiling can look "close enough" to your brain when you're half asleep

it is really frightening to experience, but it does help to explain to yourself that what you are "seeing" is being influenced by the culture around you and your sleepy brain trying to fill in details

memory is not perfect and is so easily changed by external influences. but because your brain wants things to be "certain" it will lie to you completely.

I'm on a medication that causes auditory hallucinations which I never experienced before the medication. because I was read that warning beforehand when it started happening I could assure myself that it was just an auditory hallucination. a couple have sounded really creepy because my brain was trying to sort out nonsense syllables and got them mixed up with my fan. but they weren't real, so I was able to tell myself that.

grounding yourself and saying "this is not real" during a hallucination can be much easier when you know /why/ your brain is working the way it is working!

if you're working your way through this, you are being so brave already, and not wanting to scare yourself more isn't being a coward, it is acknowledging how you need to take care of yourself and sticking up for yourself, which is really brave

having psychosis or hallucinations or DID or anything else that media likes to make the "monster" or "horror" of horror does not make you scary or a bad person. a lot of it is just thoughts that you can't control. especially when you've been raised in an unstable environment, your mind is always jumping to "prepare" itself for bad situations, which itself can cause hallucinations.

there are treatments and medications that can help. getting out of a stressful situation can help. getting older even can help, as your brain stabilises when it is fully developed.

another thing to mention is that you can disable images from loading on webpages, which might be something you want to do around this time of year if you're feeling like you don't want to accidentally see anything scary. it varies browser by browser, but most of the bigger ones will have the option. (I've disabled images myself on firefox and chrome when doing some research on sleep paralysis)

even if there is no reason besides you don't like being scared, you still aren't a "coward" and you don't need to prove you're brave. again you already are brave by recognising how you need to take care of yourself and then taking care of yourself

also if you are a kid! it also often does change year by year what is scary and less things are the older you get, so be sure to be careful about something that isn't scary to you might be scary to your little sibling even if they are only one or two years younger (that was me growing up being the scared younger sibling. please don't be that kid who scares the younger ones.)

and again because I'm okay saying I've had experiences like this, that were really terrifying, I want to assure you that none of them ever hurt me. there was no demon or ghost or monster come to get me, and I am okay and alive. they were frightening experiences, but I was not in danger from them, because there weren't any real 'Bad Things" coming to get me. you'll be okay too, even though it is really scary. it was a real experience in that it happened to you, but not real in that the things you saw or heard actually exist and could hurt you. they can't. they can't hurt me. they can't hurt you.

but always remember that it's really brave and strong of you to get help if it's too much to go through on your own! you shouldn't have to be alone in this! do what you have to do to take care of yourself, and look out for others!

[khrystalsnow]

ALL TIME FAVOURITE FICS

I wanted to make a list of my favourite fics (not sure if I’m missing any). There’s probably more that I would put here but they’re buried under my likes however, I may add more in the future. I hope you enjoy!

*PLEASE let me know if I did a mistake or put the wrong link!

LEGEND:

🥺Fluff

🤬Angst

😏Smut

😂Crack

FICS

Passion Fruit by @joonbird ���😏knj

-The very first fic that introduced me to tumblr fics (bts) which is just heaven sent. I remember reading this in awe because of the writing and the characters. Daddy namjoon showed oc a whole new world when he ate her out and I’m kind of jealous😔 I really love the plot and the character development for the oc and this was overall a good read!

Comfort Inn Ending by @joonbird  🤬😏jjk

-Another one of Amy’s work (top tier), that broke my heart into a million pieces. Honestly, I’ve read this series once, because of how good it is. Its sad, like I broke down a couple of times because of the two characters, kind of sad. That just shows you how amazing it is, that I can’t even reread it.

Hot Summer by @httphopewrld 🥺😏🤬 jjk

-I don’t know why but after I discovered this fic, I couldn’t stop thinking about this and the plot. Curtains are not really something we think about most at of the time but JK! Why couldn’t you just buy some curtains?! I mean I don’t blame the reader for peaking though. I’m really happy with the ending and how they talked it out like mature adults in the end.

Greedy by @xjoonchildx 🤬😏 myg

-A part of the Guarded Series which is just amazing! I picked Greedy because it’s currently ongoing and I really like yoongi’s perspective more than the other series. Yoongi’s a loner and people in his line of work, knows that. When he met oc, its like he finally found something that he can treasure on his own and completely different from the people around him. I just want them to be happy😭 I can’t wait for more chapters to come!

Hammer it Home by @gukslut 🥺😏🤬 knj

-I recently read this and fell in love with it really quickly! I’m pretty sure that everyone knows this fic and loves it just like me. I can’t really say anything more, except daddy joon is absolutely filthy, so read it.

Flower by @readyplayerhobi 🥺😏🤬 jhs

-God, this is such a good series. It deals with a lot of topics such as panic attack, body insecurity, anxiety, having children etc. (please look at the trigger warnings). We get to see the oc begin to date hoseok and see their relationship grow beautifully. Both of the characters are so different individually, but together, they look so beautiful:((

Boyfriend Material by @ladyartemesia 🥺😏😂 jjk

-The amount of times I’ve reread this is unreal. I want someone like jungkook in real lifee😭😭 I really love how its in bullet points to get the points across and easy to read. It also just seems so much more personal because it feels like we’re with them throughout the process of their relationship.

Of Fire and Love by @hollyhomburg 🥺😏🤬 myg

-When I first read part 1, I already fell in love with it. Dragon yoongi, namjoon and hoseok, sorcerer jin and jungkook, fairy jimin and human baby tae!!! I’ve reread this series multiple times and it just never gets old😌I love how everything connects and the smut is spicy✨

A Song Request by @n8dlesoupguk 🥺🤬 jjk

-THIS! IS! SO! CUTTTTTEE!!!! *PUNCHING THE AIR* ahhhhh the amount of time I smiled while reading this is unreal!! I love jungkook and I love this fic. I cant say anymore because of how cute it is! READ ITTTTTT!

Only For Love by @lysjeon  🥺🤬 jjk

-This has a special place in my heart because it was my first social media au. I LOVE the characters especially sarang 🥺its so well done and reread it all the time. Chae’s aus are really good 10/10 would recommend her whole entire masterlist

I Found  by @hxseok-honee 🥺🤬😂 myg

-Ahh!! binged this at 1am and I don’t regret it! It’s a hogwarts au featuring slytherin, brooding, meany, yoongi and hufflepuff reader that is friends with the whole squad. It really has everything that I love about hogwarts aus. The progression of their relationship was a whole roller coaster and at the end I was really happy for yoongi to be able to find his forever girl and be friends with crackheads. 

The Dinner Party by @lamourche 🥺🤬😏 myg

-Beautiful writing and the story is immaculate *chef’s kiss* I think about this fic once a month and reread it multiple times. I love it and hate it at the same time because I just want them together and figure their shit together, especially in the recent chapter. The circumstances and emotions are relatable that I just wanna hug both of the characters 😔

Rattled by @gukslut  🤬😏 jjk

-I’ve already recommended this before, meaning, this is really good. It follows jungkook as a single father with reader as his neighbor. Its angsty as fuck and will probably make you cry for jungkook because how much struggle he goes through with raising lovely areum by himself (respect for single parents!), but they figure it out in the end!

Seven Seas by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 kth

-When I read Atlantis!Taehyung, I was sold. This fic pops up in my head once in a while and I love it every single time I read it again. OC is a smart bitch, and works hard to achieve whatever she desires. I love her relationship with taehyung sooo much, I could picture them together being oc’s parents: lovey dovey even when they’re old and supports one another😌

Intro: Her by @jamaisjoons  🥺🤬😏 knj

-God the amount of serotonin this gives me every time I read it is *chef’s kiss* maknae as namjoon’s kids is also a bonus! I really love family aus and this completely filled me with happiness. 

Chasing Butterflies by @ddaenggtan​ 😏🥺😂 jjk

-Pretty sure everyone already knows and loves this fic but I just had to put this here. It’s literally perfect! Oc pining for weeb jungkook is everyone because he’s cute as hell😔 the SECONDHAND EMBASSAMENT I felt when she confessed is too much😂😭 Please read it if you haven’t because IT’S SO GOOD

A Home Found In You by @lovmail​  🥺(wholesome) jjk

-Another single dad jungkook because I love it😔 This fic introduced me to rochelle’s account and binged all of her other fics (which are also great). This also pops up in my head at random times and I always give in to the urge of rereading it because its so good!

For Love and Money by @jimlingss​ 🥺🤬😏 ksj

-This shit was a whole roller coaster alright but I loved it! it’s a forced arranged marriage and when reading the first chapter, you will want to read more. I love both of the characters soo much and the progression is immaculate, so glad they got their shit together in the end😌

Brass and Strings @jimlingss​  🥺🤬😂 knj

-This was also another roller coaster of feelings and angst. It’s a little long but the pacing is really good. I LOVE the main characters so much!!! oc’s a badass, despite what she’s been through and I strive to be like her ngl😔 This made me cry on multiple occasions, just read this you won’t regret it.

Inside My Mind by @jimlingss​ 🥺😏 knj

-The amount of times I think about this on a monthly BASIS. It’s half fluff and smut which is the perfect combination for me😌 I love the concept of mind reading, but when people can hear nsfw thoughts though😳 honestly read it if you haven’t, IT’S SO GOOD 

The Deli Diaries by @jimlingss 🥺 pjm

-This shit was the CUTEST shit ever!! both characters are so cute (I’ve said that word so many times😭) and their interactions during work is so cute😭 At this point just read Kina’s whole masterlist

The Alpha by @ladyartemesia​ 🤬😏 pjm

SO GOOD, immaculate, well written, the plot 10/10. This fic is amazing!! I get so excited whenever I see that it’s updated. The world is so fascinating and detailed that you wanna learn more about it. The plot is so thrilling and the action parts got me so hooked! I can’t wait for more part to come!

A Court of Curses  by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 jhs

UGGHHHH one of my favourite hobi fics ever!!! of course it’s a vampire and witch au. I love the main characters so much OK😭 they just wanna love each other and it physically hurt me when they were also hurting😭😭😭 but the ending is so satisfying, so I’m happy!

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON PART TWO OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

A DC BOOK THAT TASTES LIKE MARVEL.

You know when you are reading a book and you feel like the story you are reading seems familiar but not really within the context you are reading it at the moment? If you can’t shake the wrong sense of familiarity you search for what it probably the biggest give away, the author.

Here it’s something like that; I have read other pieces of Chip Zdarsky’s work, namely Daredevil. While I could tell you the familiarity is there, in the subject of guilt after taking the life of another person, the reality is that this book doesn’t taste like Daredevil, it tastes like Marvel.

That can be either an excellent thing (because Marvel has amazing books) or something terrible (because DC isn’t Marvel and they don’t work the same way).

As of now I can’t really tell if this Red Hood story is going to be one or the other, but I can tell you that it feels out of place in the DC universe, or at least that’s how I see it. I will explore this particular thought later, I just thought this was a nice way to open this post.

If you would like to read the first post I made about this book I will leave the link here!

Now…let’s begin.

Part two picks up exactly where part one left off, we see Jason calling Oracle so she can bring the police to the place where Jason killed Andy a.ka. that gigantic piece of shit.

Jason is having some thoughts, ones that I think are important.

“I have taken lives before, a lot of them. I have killed guys knowing nothing about them except that they had guns and murder in their hearts. Those ones are easy; I don’t have to think of their mothers getting the news or of kids being...”

Jason is troubled. He is now in front of a reality that he never truly thought about but to be honest with you I strongly believe that nobody in the DC universe thinks beyond what happens in front of them, that’s just how fictional comic worlds are designed.

Anyway, there is a little something that bothers me in this inner monologue of his, like since when have “murderers” been Jason’s actual target? Like Joker was his target but he didn’t kill him, the base of Jason’s morals when it comes to killing has always been drugs, most importantly if you sell drugs to kids. So unless he is saying “murderers” because they were selling drugs that caused people (especially kids) to overdose then I don’t really get what is going on.

Another thing that I also talked about in the first post is that Jason hasn’t killed in a very long time, this man has been sticking to the Bats rule for so long that it’s actually unreal. Even when he shot the penguin and Batman proceeded to almost beat Jason to death the penguin hadn’t died. So once again I am thinking that Zdarsky has some info that he is not sharing right now or maybe he just didn’t read Lobdell's run (in which case, can you really blame him?)

Now let me talk about the other part of his monologue “…I don’t have to think of their mothers getting the news or of kids being...” This is something that I haven’t seen in DC, direct consequences after a hero/vigilante does something, and let me tell you it feels out of place. Is it a good or bad thing? I don’t really know but I have some thoughts on the subject.

I think it's unfair to put a comic character in that situation or dilemma. Jason has basically three reactions to the same situation and they are all valid, but can this situation be handled by a fictional person in a fictional world? Because to be fair I could also ask about the criminals that are put in hospitals after they are beat up by heroes, what if they die in the hospital? Is the hero a killer or does it fall on the hospital? If a criminal cannot pay for the attention given to them in hospitals and they immediately go back to criminal activity to pay for those things, are heroes a good thing? If the Joker bombs a hospital for the third time in four months and Batman does the same thing (take joker to Arkham) only for Joker to escape and do it again, is Batman as guilty as the Joker for the deaths of innocent people or not?

As I wrote it and as I read it again I see that it is a crazy thought because you can simply add more depth to the characters decisions and the consequences that would ensue because of them, but Gotham is a fictional city created to establish that crime is off the charts and that they need Batman because no amount of resources will be able to fix this city’s problems. So putting Jason in this position is new to me…but only in DC (more of this particular thought below).

Going back to the comic in question, I feel like Jason had the answers and the ideas all in his head. In this issue alone he basically says that if the mother does not pull through the boy will be alone, but alone means going into the system (a horrible system that Jason does not trust and needs improvement), but also, Jason recognizes that if the mother died and the father was left alive then that man would have done horrendous stuff. I just simply wouldn't believe that a man that gave drugs to both his wife and son so they wouldn't bother him is just going to change after realizing that his wife died because of him. Even less believable is him becoming an amazing father.

In the big scheme of things, Jason has killed people who fitted very certain characteristics, never innocents (bye, Morrison). What happens after the killing is done? We don’t know because past stories have never focused on that (criminals in comics are by default one dimensional, villains are not)

But here is the thing, Zdarsky is a Marvel writer and Marvel has gone in depth within those situations (like what happens after heroes commit mistakes or kill someone) mostly with Civil War by Mark Millar and more recently in Daredevil written by Chip Zdarsky, but DC hasn't and DC has been plain for a long time, DC doesn't really explain how batman hurts people severely and nothing happens beyond that.

What I am trying to say is that Zdarsky is going for a different and unique route for Jason here but I think the story is out of place in the DC universe.

I promise I am done with those thoughts, they were really difficult to put on paper and to make them make sense, so I apologize if I only confused you, sorry!

Anyway! After the monologue is done we have a flashback where little Jason is being told by his mother to go buy bread (the only thing they can afford) but she is also making him leave so he doesn’t have to be present when Robby (a friend if you ask Jason’s mom, a drug dealer if you ask Jason) comes to the apartment to help her.

Sadly as Jason is leaving Robby is walking up the stairs, now not to copy little Jason but fuck Robby. Jason’s issues with drugs, drug dealing and overdosing is once again shown here but what is also shown is the violence that comes with it. Jason being terrified for himself (and his mother) as Robby pulls a knife on him broke my heart and as he is left there in the corridor to his apartment all we can see is a defeated little boy and that shit hurts a lot.

After that we jump back to the future with none other than Batgod…I mean Batman. Batman is following a man called Sydney and apparently he disappointed Batman because B told him to stop being a criminal, like come on man if I ask nicely or if I break both of your arms you will surely stop, right? Yeah, no.

I feel like I mentioned something about this while my brain decided that DC never usually explains what happens with criminals after they get caught or killed and now here we are. Consequences. Batman scares a man off of working for Scarecrow but the man still needs to work (does he have a family to provide for? We don’t know. Does he do it because it’s the only job he can get? We don’t know.)

This Batman intermission ends up with Oracle telling him that Jason might be in trouble.

So we find ourselves back with Jason and Tyler in his safe house, Zdarsky does not hesitate and first thing he does is give us a couple of very angsty panels.

I love the way it hurts.

Jason honey, my sweet chonky boy…what are you doing?

Well at least I am not the only one asking that because Jason is having a moment to reflect about what has happened, what is happening and what could happen in the future. In this monologue he says the following:

“Dammit, Jason, what the hell are you doing? You can’t take care of this kid! But you can’t put him in the system either! Just waiting for some obsessed militaristic billionaire to adopt him? Dammit. His dad was scum, he hurt Tyler, he hurt his mom. But if Tyler’s mom doesn’t pull through…I just made this kid an orphan. He is my responsibility, he is too young to really see what he’s gone through, he can still be saved…unlike…”

Yeah that’s some really angsty thoughts, he is really going through it and I understand it. He lost his cool after what that horrible human being said he did and killed him and now he has to face the consequences of his actions, he recognizes that if the boy is left truly alone he will have to step up…but here is the thing, does Jason really want that? It seems to me like Jason is deeply against the idea of children working as heroes, and here he is as an adult that is a vigilante with an impressionable child that sees the Red Hood as his hero, I don’t know, it looks like the perfect recipe for a disaster.

But we don’t get to see what Jason does right away because its flashback time.

Jason only moved from his spot in the corridor of his apartment door to get the bread but as Robby comes out of said door Jason is there waiting. Robby teases that he and Jason’s mom ended up sharing the “medicine” and that she will be sleeping for a long time, and that seems to be it for Jason because next thing you know Robby is falling down the stairs.

Aw, shit.

Jason from the future continues his monologue while he remembers what happened on those stairs.

“I never had a chance, not for one second. But he does, Tyler has a chance. I can help him, help him be okay. This doesn’t…what I did…what his parents did, it doesn’t have to define him.”

So Jason wants to make things right for Tyler so he doesn’t become like Jason. Now I don’t truly know what Zdarsky is going for but I will go for the unconscious route, little Jason pushed Robby (that fucker) down the stairs and he was left unconscious there.

In Jason’s eyes Tyler is still a good kid that deserves only the best (like you Jason, please don’t think so low about yourself) and that can be saved from a life of vengeance, justice and trauma. But whatever Jason was going to actually say to Tyler we don’t know because Tyler informs Jason that through the Red Hood mask there is someone telling him that Batman is coming.

Batman appears out of nowhere as he does and starts talking shit.

Honestly Batman what is with that “not my town” bullshit? Baby this isn’t the medieval times, you are not a king and as far as I know not only is Lucius Fox richer than you but so is Dick so sit your ass down and shut the fuck up.

Luckily Jason is giving the outstanding amount of zero fucks and tells Batman exactly what he needs to be told, sadly Jason’s big brain time doesn’t last long because he absolutely loses his cool and starts a fight. So you know what that means, monologue time!

“This was a mistake, but I can’t help myself, he gets under my skin. His sanctimony, he acts like he’s God, all knowing, all seeing when really…he’s just another failed parent.”

Amen. Jason knows many languages but he chose to speak facts.

As the monologue ends Batman is standing over Jason like he is about to murder him but no such thing happens because Tyler, who was quietly watching them fight, jumps in to protect Jason. Yep, there goes my heart, goodbye.

And this is it. The issue ends with Tyler putting an end to the fight and telling batman that he has to leave the Red Hood alone because he is a good guy. Jason of course is thankful and promises that everything is fine.

 I don’t know about you guys but so far I can’t say if I like the book or not. Both parts left me with mixed feelings. I obviously want to see how it ends but I honestly think that there is only one way this story can end with a happy ending, which I think it would be Tyler going back to his mom and Jason somehow working to help her with her drug addiction, maybe even have Dick involved so he can help them economically.

Things that I surely do not want to see are Jason backing down again and limiting himself to the Bats rules. I also absolutely don’t want Zdarsky to go all Geoff Johns on us and make Jason think that he should give up the Red Hood mantle.

Jason really needs to gain his confidence back, he was smart, calculated and strategic and now they have taken those things away to accentuate his “daddy issues” and “inferiority complex”. Why the quotation marks you ask? Oh, because those things are bullshit and there is no room for those things in Jason’s characterization other than to add more angst to the plot.

Let me know how you felt about the issue and my review! Are you excited about what the four next issues are going to bring to the story?

Also if you read Marvel, did this issue taste like Marvel to you too or am I going crazy?

[thehauntologicalsociety]

Street Haunting: A London Adventure by Virginia Woolf

No one perhaps has ever felt passionately towards a lead pencil. But there are circumstances in which it can become supremely desirable to possess one; moments when we are set upon having an object, an excuse for walking half across London between tea and dinner. As the foxhunter hunts in order to preserve the breed of foxes, and the golfer plays in order that open spaces may be preserved from the builders, so when the desire comes upon us to go street rambling the pencil does for a pretext, and getting up we say: "Really I must buy a pencil," as if under cover of this excuse we could indulge safely in the greatest pleasure of town life in winter--rambling the streets of London.

 The hour should be the evening and the season winter, for in winter the champagne brightness of the air and the sociability of the streets are grateful. We are not then taunted as in the summer by the longing for shade and solitude and sweet airs from the hayfields. The evening hour, too, gives us the irresponsibility which darkness and lamplight bestow. We are no longer quite ourselves. As we step out of the house on a fine evening between four and six, we shed the self our friends know us by and become part of that vast republican army of anonymous trampers, whose society is so agreeable after the solitude of one's own room. For there we sit surrounded by objects which perpetually express the oddity of our own temperaments and enforce the memories of our own experience. That bowl on the mantelpiece, for instance, was bought at Mantua on a windy day. We were leaving the shop when the sinister old woman plucked at our skirts and said she would find herself starving one of these days, but, "Take it!" she cried, and thrust the blue and white china bowl into our hands as if she never wanted to be reminded of her quixotic generosity. So, guiltily, but suspecting nevertheless how badly we had been fleeced, we carried it back to the little hotel where, in the middle of the night, the innkeeper quarrelled so violently with his wife that we all leant out into the courtyard to look, and saw the vines laced about among the pillars and the stars white in the sky. The moment was stabilized, stamped like a coin indelibly among a million that slipped by imperceptibly. There, too, was the melancholy Englishman, who rose among the coffee cups and the little iron tables and revealed the secrets of his soul--as travellers do. All this--Italy, the windy morning, the vines laced about the pillars, the Englishman and the secrets of his soul--rise up in a cloud from the china bowl on the mantelpiece. And there, as our eyes fall to the floor, is that brown stain on the carpet. Mr. Lloyd George made that. "The man's a devil!" said Mr. Cummings, putting the kettle down with which he was about to fill the teapot so that it burnt a brown ring on the carpet.

 But when the door shuts on us, all that vanishes. The shell-like covering which our souls have excreted to house themselves, to make for themselves a shape distinct from others, is broken, and there is left of all these wrinkles and roughnesses a central oyster of perceptiveness, an enormous eye. How beautiful a street is in winter! It is at once revealed and obscured. Here vaguely one can trace symmetrical straight avenues of doors and windows; here under the lamps are floating islands of pale light through which pass quickly bright men and women, who, for all their poverty and shabbiness, wear a certain look of unreality, an air of triumph, as if they had given life the slip, so that life, deceived of her prey, blunders on without them. But, after all, we are only gliding smoothly on the surface. The eye is not a miner, not a diver, not a seeker after buried treasure. It floats us smoothly down a stream; resting, pausing, the brain sleeps perhaps as it looks.

 How beautiful a London street is then, with its islands of light, and its long groves of darkness, and on one side of it perhaps some tree-sprinkled, grass-grown space where night is folding herself to sleep naturally and, as one passes the iron railing, one hears those little cracklings and stirrings of leaf and twig which seem to suppose the silence of fields all round them, an owl hooting, and far away the rattle of a train in the valley. But this is London, we are reminded; high among the bare trees are hung oblong frames of reddish yellow light--windows; there are points of brilliance burning steadily like low stars--lamps; this empty ground, which holds the country in it and its peace, is only a London square, set about by offices and houses where at this hour fierce lights burn over maps, over documents, over desks where clerks sit turning with wetted forefinger the files of endless correspondences; or more suffusedly the firelight wavers and the lamplight falls upon the privacy of some drawing-room, its easy chairs, its papers, its china, its inlaid table, and the figure of a woman, accurately measuring out the precise number of spoons of tea which----She looks at the door as if she heard a ring downstairs and somebody asking, is she in?

But here we must stop peremptorily. We are in danger of digging deeper than the eye approves; we are impeding our passage down the smooth stream by catching at some branch or root. At any moment, the sleeping army may stir itself and wake in us a thousand violins and trumpets in response; the army of human beings may rouse itself and assert all its oddities and sufferings and sordidities. Let us dally a little longer, be content still with surfaces only--the glossy brilliance of the motor omnibuses; the carnal splendour of the butchers' shops with their yellow flanks and purple steaks; the blue and red bunches of flowers burning so bravely through the plate glass of the florists' windows.

For the eye has this strange property: it rests only on beauty; like a butterfly it seeks colour and basks in warmth. On a winter's night like this, when nature has been at pains to polish and preen herself, it brings back the prettiest trophies, breaks off little lumps of emerald and coral as if the whole earth were made of precious stone. The thing it cannot do (one is speaking of the average unprofessional eye) is to compose these trophies in such a way as to bring out the more obscure angles and relationships. Hence after a prolonged diet of this simple, sugary fare, of beauty pure and uncomposed, we become conscious of satiety. We halt at the door of the boot shop and make some little excuse, which has nothing to do with the real reason, for folding up the bright paraphernalia of the streets and withdrawing to some duskier chamber of the being where we may ask, as we raise our left foot obediently upon the stand: "What, then, is it like to be a dwarf?"

She came in escorted by two women who, being of normal size, looked like benevolent giants beside her. Smiling at the shop girls, they seemed to be disclaiming any lot in her deformity and assuring her of their protection. She wore the peevish yet apologetic expression usual on the faces of the deformed. She needed their kindness, yet she resented it. But when the shop girl had been summoned and the giantesses, smiling indulgently, had asked for shoes for "this lady" and the girl had pushed the little stand in front of her, the dwarf stuck her foot out with an impetuosity which seemed to claim all our attention. Look at that! Look at that! she seemed to demand of us all, as she thrust her foot out, for behold it was the shapely, perfectly proportioned foot of a well-grown woman. It was arched; it was aristocratic. Her whole manner changed as she looked at it resting on the stand. She looked soothed and satisfied. Her manner became full of self-confidence. She sent for shoe after shoe; she tried on pair after pair. She got up and pirouetted before a glass which reflected the foot only in yellow shoes, in fawn shoes, in shoes of lizard skin. She raised her little skirts and displayed her little legs. She was thinking that, after all, feet are the most important part of the whole person; women, she said to herself, have been loved for their feet alone. Seeing nothing but her feet, she imagined perhaps that the rest of her body was of a piece with those beautiful feet. She was shabbily dressed, but she was ready to lavish any money upon her shoes. And as this was the only occasion upon which she was hot afraid of being looked at but positively craved attention, she was ready to use any device to prolong the choosing and fitting. Look at my feet, she seemed to be saying, as she took a step this way and then a step that way. The shop girl good-humouredly must have said something flattering, for suddenly her face lit up in ecstasy. But, after all, the giantesses, benevolent though they were, had their own affairs to see to; she must make up her mind; she must decide which to choose. At length, the pair was chosen and, as she walked out between her guardians, with the parcel swinging from her finger, the ecstasy faded, knowledge returned, the old peevishness, the old apology came back, and by the time she had reached the street again she had become a dwarf only.

But she had changed the mood; she had called into being an atmosphere which, as we followed her out into the street, seemed actually to create the humped, the twisted, the deformed. Two bearded men, brothers, apparently, stone-blind, supporting themselves by resting a hand on the head of a small boy between them, marched down the street. On they came with the unyielding yet tremulous tread of the blind, which seems to lend to their approach something of the terror and inevitability of the fate that has overtaken them. As they passed, holding straight on, the little convoy seemed to cleave asunder the passers-by with the momentum of its silence, its directness, its disaster. Indeed, the dwarf had started a hobbling grotesque dance to which everybody in the street now conformed: the stout lady tightly swathed in shiny sealskin; the feeble-minded boy sucking the silver knob of his stick; the old man squatted on a doorstep as if, suddenly overcome by the absurdity of the human spectacle, he had sat down to look at it--all joined in the hobble and tap of the dwarf's dance.

In what crevices and crannies, one might ask, did they lodge, this maimed company of the halt and the blind? Here, perhaps, in the top rooms of these narrow old houses between Holborn and Soho, where people have such queer names, and pursue so many curious trades, are gold beaters, accordion pleaters, cover buttons, or support life, with even greater fantasticality, upon a traffic in cups without saucers, china umbrella handles, and highly-coloured pictures of martyred saints. There they lodge, and it seems as if the lady in the sealskin jacket must find life tolerable, passing the time of day with the accordion pleater, or the man who covers buttons; life which is so fantastic cannot be altogether tragic. They do not grudge us, we are musing, our prosperity; when, suddenly, turning the corner, we come upon a bearded Jew, wild, hunger-bitten, glaring out of his misery; or pass the humped body of an old woman flung abandoned on the step of a public building with a cloak over her like the hasty covering thrown over a dead horse or donkey. At such sights the nerves of the spine seem to stand erect; a sudden flare is brandished in our eyes; a question is asked which is never answered.�� Often enough these derelicts choose to lie not a stone's throw from theatres, within hearing of barrel organs, almost, as night draws on, within touch of the sequined cloaks and bright legs of diners and dancers. They lie close to those shop windows where commerce offers to a world of old women laid on doorsteps, of blind men, of hobbling dwarfs, sofas which are supported by the gilt necks of proud swans; tables inlaid with baskets of many coloured fruit; sideboards paved with green marble the better to support the weight of boars' heads; and carpets so softened with age that their carnations have almost vanished in a pale green sea.

Passing, glimpsing, everything seems accidentally but miraculously sprinkled with beauty, as if the tide of trade which deposits its burden so punctually and prosaically upon the shores of Oxford Street had this night cast up nothing but treasure. With no thought of buying, the eye is sportive and generous; it creates; it adorns; it enhances. Standing out in the street, one may build up all the chambers of an imaginary house and furnish them at one's will with sofa, table, carpet. That rug will do for the hall. That alabaster bowl shall stand on a carved table in the window. Our merrymaking shall be reflected in that thick round mirror. But, having built and furnished the house, one is happily under no obligation to possess it; one can dismantle it in the twinkling of an eye, and build and furnish another house with other chairs and other glasses. Or let us indulge ourselves at the antique jewellers, among the trays of rings and the hanging necklaces. Let us choose those pearls, for example, and then imagine how, if we put them on, life would be changed. It becomes instantly between two and three in the morning; the lamps are burning very white in the deserted streets of Mayfair. Only motor-cars are abroad at this hour, and one has a sense of emptiness, of airiness, of secluded gaiety. Wearing pearls, wearing silk, one steps out onto a balcony which overlooks the gardens of sleeping Mayfair. There are a few lights in the bedrooms of great peers returned from Court, of silk-stockinged footmen, of dowagers who have pressed the hands of statesmen. A cat creeps along the garden wall. Love-making is going on sibilantly, seductively in the darker places of the room behind thick green curtains. Strolling sedately as if he were promenading a terrace beneath which the shires and counties of England lie sun-bathed, the aged Prime Minister recounts to Lady So-and-So with the curls and the emeralds the true history of some great crisis in the affairs of the land. We seem to be riding on the top of the highest mast of the tallest ship; and yet at the same time we know that nothing of this sort matters; love is not proved thus, nor great achievements completed thus; so that we sport with the moment and preen our feathers in it lightly, as we stand on the balcony watching the moonlit cat creep along Princess Mary's garden wall.

But what could be more absurd? It is, in fact, on the stroke of six; it is a winter's evening; we are walking to the Strand to buy a pencil. How, then, are we also on a balcony, wearing pearls in June? What could be more absurd? Yet it is nature's folly, not ours. When she set about her chief masterpiece, the making of man, she should have thought of one thing only. Instead, turning her head, looking over her shoulder, into each one of us she let creep instincts and desires which are utterly at variance with his main being, so that we are streaked, variegated, all of a mixture; the colours have run. Is the true self this which stands on the pavement in January, or that which bends over the balcony in June? Am I here, or am I there? Or is the true self neither this nor that, neither here nor there, but something so varied and wandering that it is only when we give the rein to its wishes and let it take its way unimpeded that we are indeed ourselves? Circumstances compel unity; for convenience sake a man must be a whole. The good citizen when he opens his door in the evening must be banker, golfer, husband, father; not a nomad wandering the desert, a mystic staring at the sky, a debauchee in the slums of San Francisco, a soldier heading a revolution, a pariah howling with scepticism and solitude. When he opens his door, he must run his fingers through his hair and put his umbrella in the stand like the rest.

But here, none too soon, are the second-hand bookshops. Here we find anchorage in these thwarting currents of being; here we balance ourselves after the splendours and miseries of the streets. The very sight of the bookseller's wife with her foot on the fender, sitting beside a good coal fire, screened from the door, is sobering and cheerful. She is never reading, or only the newspaper; her talk, when it leaves bookselling, which it does so gladly, is about hats; she likes a hat to be practical, she says, as well as pretty. 0 no, they don't live at the shop; they live in Brixton; she must have a bit of green to look at. In summer a jar of flowers grown in her own garden is stood on the top of some dusty pile to enliven the shop. Books are everywhere; and always the same sense of adventure fills us. Second-hand books are wild books, homeless books; they have come together in vast flocks of variegated feather, and have a charm which the domesticated volumes of the library lack. Besides, in this random miscellaneous company we may rub against some complete stranger who will, with luck, turn into the best friend we have in the world. There is always a hope, as we reach down some grayish-white book from an upper shelf, directed by its air of shabbiness and desertion, of meeting here with a man who set out on horseback over a hundred years ago to explore the woollen market in the Midlands and Wales; an unknown traveller, who stayed at inns, drank his pint, noted pretty girls and serious customs, wrote it all down stiffly, laboriously for sheer love of it (the book was published at his own expense); was infinitely prosy, busy, and matter-of-fact, and so let flow in without his knowing it the very scent of hollyhocks and the hay together with such a portrait of himself as gives him forever a seat in the warm corner of the mind's inglenook. One may buy him for eighteen pence now. He is marked three and sixpence, but the bookseller's wife, seeing how shabby the covers are and how long the book has stood there since it was bought at some sale of a gentleman's library in Suffolk, will let it go at that.

Thus, glancing round the bookshop, we make other such sudden capricious friendships with the unknown and the vanished whose only record is, for example, this little book of poems, so fairly printed, so finely engraved, too, with a portrait of the author. For he was a poet and drowned untimely, and his verse, mild as it is and formal and sententious, sends forth still a frail fluty sound like that of a piano organ played in some back street resignedly by an old Italian organ-grinder in a corduroy jacket. There are travellers, too, row upon row of them, still testifying, indomitable spinsters that they were, to the discomforts that they endured and the sunsets they admired in Greece when Queen Victoria was a girl. A tour in Cornwall with a visit to the tin mines was thought worthy of voluminous record. People went slowly up the Rhine and did portraits of each other in Indian ink, sitting reading on deck beside a coil of rope; they measured the pyramids; were lost to civilization for years; converted negroes in pestilential swamps. This packing up and going off, exploring deserts and catching fevers, settling in India for a lifetime, penetrating even to China and then returning to lead a parochial life at Edmonton, tumbles and tosses upon the dusty floor like an uneasy sea, so restless the English are, with the waves at their very door. The waters of travel and adventure seem to break upon little islands of serious effort and lifelong industry stood in jagged column upon the floor. In these piles of puce-bound volumes with gilt monograms on the back, thoughtful clergymen expound the gospels; scholars are to be heard with their hammers and their chisels chipping clear the ancient texts of Euripides and Aeschylus. Thinking, annotating, expounding goes on at a prodigious rate all around us and over everything, like a punctual, everlasting tide, washes the ancient sea of fiction. Innumerable volumes tell how Arthur loved Laura and they were separated and they were unhappy and then they met and they were happy ever after, as was the way when Victoria ruled these islands.

The number of books in the world is infinite, and one is forced to glimpse and nod and move on after a moment of talk, a flash of understanding, as, in the street outside, one catches a word in passing and from a chance phrase fabricates a lifetime. It is about a woman called Kate that they are talking, how "I said to her quite straight last night . . . if you don't think I'm worth a penny stamp, I said . . ." But who Kate is, and to what crisis in their friendship that penny stamp refers, we shall never know; for Kate sinks under the warmth of their volubility; and here, at the street corner, another page of the volume of life is laid open by the sight of two men consulting under the lamp-post. They are spelling out the latest wire from Newmarket in the stop press news. Do they think, then, that fortune will ever convert their rags into fur and broadcloth, sling them with watch-chains, and plant diamond pins where there is now a ragged open shirt? But the main stream of walkers at this hour sweeps too fast to let us ask such questions. They are wrapt, in this short passage from work to home, in some narcotic dream, now that they are free from the desk, and have the fresh air on their cheeks. They put on those bright clothes which they must hang up and lock the key upon all the rest of the day, and are great cricketers, famous actresses, soldiers who have saved their country at the hour of need. Dreaming, gesticulating, often muttering a few words aloud, they sweep over the Strand and across Waterloo Bridge whence they will be slung in long rattling trains, to some prim little villa in Barnes or Surbiton where the sight of the clock in the hall and the smell of the supper in the basement puncture the dream.

But we have come to the Strand now, and as we hesitate on the curb, a little rod about the length of one's finger begins to lay its bar across the velocity and abundance of life. "Really I must--really I must"--that is it. Without investigating the demand, the mind cringes to the accustomed tyrant. One must, one always must, do something or other; it is not allowed one simply to enjoy oneself. Was it not for this reason that, some time ago, we fabricated the excuse, and invented the necessity of buying something? But what was it? Ah, we remember, it was a pencil. Let us go then and buy this pencil. But just as we are turning to obey the command, another self disputes the right of the tyrant to insist. The usual conflict comes about. Spread out behind the rod of duty we see the whole breadth of the river Thames--wide, mournful, peaceful. And we see it through the eyes of somebody who is leaning over the Embankment on a summer evening, without a care in the world. Let us put off buying the pencil; let us go in search of this person--and soon it becomes apparent that this person is ourselves. For if we could stand there where we stood six months ago, should we not be again as we were then--calm, aloof, content? Let us try then. But the river is rougher and greyer than we remembered. The tide is running out to sea. It brings down with it a tug and two barges, whose load of straw is tightly bound down beneath tarpaulin covers. There is, too, close by us, a couple leaning over the balustrade with the curious lack of self-consciousness lovers have, as if the importance of the affair they are engaged on claims without question the indulgence of the human race. The sights we see and the sounds we hear now have none of the quality of the past; nor have we any share in the serenity of the person who, six months ago, stood precisely where we stand now. His is the happiness of death; ours the insecurity of life. He has no future; the future is even now invading our peace. It is only when we look at the past and take from it the element of uncertainty that we can enjoy perfect peace. As it is, we must turn, we must cross the Strand again, we must find a shop where, even at this hour, they will be ready to sell us a pencil.

It is always an adventure to enter a new room for the lives and characters of its owners have distilled their atmosphere into it, and directly we enter it we breast some new wave of emotion. Here, without a doubt, in the stationer's shop people had been quarrelling. Their anger shot through the air. They both stopped; the old woman--they were husband and wife evidently--retired to a back room; the old man whose rounded forehead and globular eyes would have looked well on the frontispiece of some Elizabethan folio, stayed to serve us. "A pencil, a pencil," he repeated, "certainly, certainly." He spoke with the distraction yet effusiveness of one whose emotions have been roused and checked in full flood. He began opening box after box and shutting them again. He said that it was very difficult to find things when they kept so many different articles. He launched into a story about some legal gentleman who had got into deep waters owing to the conduct of his wife. He had known him for years; he had been connected with the Temple for half a century, he said, as if he wished his wife in the back room to overhear him. He upset a box of rubber bands. At last, exasperated by his incompetence, he pushed the swing door open and called out roughly: "Where d'you keep the pencils?" as if his wife had hidden them. The old lady came in. Looking at nobody, she put her hand with a fine air of righteous severity upon the right box. There were pencils. How then could he do without her? Was she not indispensable to him? In order to keep them there, standing side by side in forced neutrality, one had to be particular in one's choice of pencils; this was too soft, that too hard. They stood silently looking on. The longer they stood there, the calmer they grew; their heat was going down, their anger disappearing. Now, without a word said on either side, the quarrel was made up. The old man, who would not have disgraced Ben Jonson's title-page, reached the box back to its proper place, bowed profoundly his good-night to us, and they disappeared. She would get out her sewing; he would read his newspaper; the canary would scatter them impartially with seed. The quarrel was over.

In these minutes in which a ghost has been sought for, a quarrel composed, and a pencil bought, the streets had become completely empty. Life had withdrawn to the top floor, and lamps were lit. The pavement was dry and hard; the road was of hammered silver. Walking home through the desolation one could tell oneself the story of the dwarf, of the blind men, of the party in the Mayfair mansion, of the quarrel in the stationer's shop. Into each of these lives one could penetrate a little way, far enough to give oneself the illusion that one is not tethered to a single mind, but can put on briefly for a few minutes the bodies and minds of others. One could become a washerwoman, a publican, a street singer. And what greater delight and wonder can there be than to leave the straight lines of personality and deviate into those footpaths that lead beneath brambles and thick tree trunks into the heart of the forest where live those wild beasts, our fellow men?

That is true: to escape is the greatest of pleasures; street haunting in winter the greatest of adventures. Still as we approach our own doorstep again, it is comforting to feel the old possessions, the old prejudices, fold us round; and the self, which has been blown about at so many street corners, which has battered like a moth at the flame of so many inaccessible lanterns, sheltered and enclosed. Here again is the usual door; here the chair turned as we left it and the china bowl and the brown ring on the carpet. And here--let us examine it tenderly, let us touch it with reverence--is the only spoil we have retrieved from all the treasures of the city, a lead pencil.

[thetypedwriter]

The Music of What Happens Book Review

The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg Book Review 

I don’t think I like this book. 

I know that’s a strong statement right off the bat, but it’s mostly true. However, there was also something about it that I didn’t quite hate and, as usual, I will try my very best to put forth both the positives and the negatives of this read into some sort of subjective semblance of rationality. 

Now, firstly I’d like to thank @chapterhappy98​ for the recommendation. I love getting book recommendations (just not when people actually buy me books-see previous reviews) and this one seemed totally up my alley. 

For a novel I’d never heard of before it had a lot of components that excited me. An LGBTQ+ romance? I’m here for it. One of the main characters being half-Mexican and half-white? Love the representation. A cute plot centered around summer and food trucks? Yes, please. 

All the ingredients were there for a good book, but the way the book was written, the perspective of the characters, and the characters themselves made this a slog for me. On paper, this should have been lauded as a cute fluffy novel with some very deep feels, but instead I found it tedious, aggravating, and thankful that it was at least short. 

The positives are everything I mentioned above. The plot itself is cute. Food truck summer romance is not a plot I’ve read before, but it's original enough to be intriguing and cute enough to be endearing. High quality fanfiction fodder right here. 

Although the representation could have been better, it was sufficient. I enjoyed the fact that Max’s mother was Mexican while his father was a whiter-than-toast comedian from Indiana. Both Max and Jordan have friends who are white and friends who are not and I enjoyed that Konigsberg portrayed the distinct friend groups as such and that moments of race do come up. 

For example, like when Jordan suggests they steal prickly pears from people’s yards and Max shuts it down before the idea can even coalesce because a white boy stealing pears from yards is a hooligan move, a Mexican kid stealing pears from yards is a crime. 

Small introspective moments like this were very interesting and added a layer of reality to the novel that I appreciated. On this same route, both Max and Jordan, our two main characters with revolving perspectives, are going through some deep trauma and while it wasn’t amazingly handled, I did appreciate moments towards the end where Konigsberg actually has the characters face what they are going through and take appropriate routes to fix them or start the healing process (acceptance, counseling, etc). 

By no means did I think the book handled sensitive topics such as rape, addiction, bullying, and self-esteem issues well, but at the very least, most of the issues were adequately addressed and on the right path towards healing and rehabilitation which is more than I can say for some other novels. 

Now, for the negatives. Buckle up, people. 

First off, the writing. 

I found it abhorrent. I don't know if this is just Konigsberg’s style of writing, but it did not vibe with me at all. I found his writing and dialogue superfluous, cheesy, and gag-inducing. 

To me, this is not how real people talk, think, or interact, but instead a grown ass man’s idea of how teenagers think, talk, and interact. It made me truly wonder if Konigsberg has actually ever met a teenager in his life. 

As a high school teacher, I interact with teenagers on a daily basis. I know how they talk and interact, and through their journals and papers, I can generally grasp at least a preview into how they think. 

It’s like Konigsberg took every adolescent stereotype that exists and stuffed it onto his pages with mediocre words and subpar humor. The Music of What Happens is a pantomime of the teenage experience and I found it extremely irritating. 

Secondly, the perspectives of both Jordan and Max are maddening and irksome, although Jordan more so I have to admit. Both of these characters suffer from what I call “Woe is Me” syndrome. This is the idea that making a character have a sad or tragic backstory or circumstances also makes them deep and complex. 

This is so far from the truth it hurts. 

Trauma and tragedies are not simply fodder to build a cheap and easy way for a character or a plot to build depth. It should be handled with care, with consequences, and with other characteristics built in that are reasonable and befitting of the whole character. Both Max and Jordan were almost laughably tragic. 

Max’s parents split up, and while his mom Rosa is the MVP of the book, his dad is nothing more than a useless caricature of the absentee father, so much so that when Max admits to his sexual assault his dad does nothing, but makes a joke and talks about a stand-up routine he has coming up. 

Jordan is much, much worse. This boy is the most self-deprecating, pitying thing I have ever read.

 (Spoilers ahead for the novel and Jordan’s circumstances). 

His friends who he calls his “wives” (cue eye roll) bully him, his mother is a gambling addict with bipolar disorder, he believes he killed his father by giving him a heart attack on his sick bed, and he’s about to be homeless unless he can make money from his dad’s old food truck and save his mortgage. 

It’s absolutely ridiculous. 

I’m not trying to make light of these issues, but the way Konigsberg handled these characters went like this: “Hmmmm how can I make interesting teenagers? I know! Let’s make everything in their life miserable. Yes, that will make readers care!”

In case you were wondering, no, it didn’t work. 

Just because Jordan and Max are tragic characters did not mean I cared for them or even liked them. If the idea was to build complexity and sympathy that absolutely failed. If anything, I felt frustrated by the circumstances, vexed by the way both boys handled their issues, and galled at how the surrounding world allowed it to happen. 

In addition, going back to the idea that Konigsberg has never met a single teenager in his life, both Max and Jordan fell into such archetypal teenage tropes that I felt my teeth rotting. 

They fell in love after hanging out twice, their reasons for liking each other were abysmal and perfunctory, and if anything, the only reason I actually saw these two working in any way was simply because they were both the only other gay person they knew, which is not even an adequate component. 

The romance felt strained and uncomfortable and the “dates” they went on made me laugh with absurdity. Picking up stuffed animals at midnight to put them at the front of the zoo? Who does that? I didn’t find it charming, I didn’t find it unique, and I didn’t find it cute. 

I found it odd and unrealistic. 

Which, at the end of the day, is what irked me about this book the most: it was unrealistic. 

You might say: “Typedwriter! That’s unfair! You read about vampires and fairies and all sorts of fantasy creatures and worlds!”

You’re right, I do. But fantasy and unrealism are not synonyms. Fantasy I love. Even within fantasy worlds there needs to be rules and order. There are still expectations and realistic behaviors and laws that govern fictional creatures and lands. 

For a novel that is supposed to depict real life and real teenagers The Music of What Happens edges on the side of surreal for me. Surreal is also fine if that is the targeted result. 

In Konigsberg’s case, however, I don’t believe that was the intention. I got the feeling that Konigsberg wanted this to be a real and deep portrayal of love and adolescence and instead I found it ludicrous and nonsensical. 

Everything about this book bordered on nonsensical. Two boys running a food truck without any knowledge or prior experience and ending up making thousands of dollars? Okayyyyy, sure. Jordan’s mother’s behavior, gambling addiction, and speech? Preposterous. The way Max and Jordan talked to each other and their friends? Almost like a robot’s depiction of how they think humans communicate. 

At the end of the day, this book’s unrealistic look at life, love, relationships, trauma, and consequences ruined it for me. It’s certainly not the worst thing I’ve ever read, but most of this book was just a mindless jumble of words that didn’t form a proper connection to me as a reader. 

As listed above, not everything was horrible and I’m not trying to make it out like it was, but for the most part, I didn’t enjoy this book as I stated from the beginning. 

As always, this is just my opinion. I still love that it was recommended and I mean no harm to anyone who does love this book. Perhaps if I was a young teenager I would have connected more with the self-deprecating monologues and pity parties. Perhaps if I wasn't so skeptical I could actually believe two sixteen-year olds could pull off a food truck success, but alas I’m not and I couldn’t. 

If this book brought out tender feelings and emotions for you, however, I am glad because isn’t that why we read? 

Unfortunately, this was not the case for me for The Music of What Happens. 

Recommendation: Unrealistic everything made this book toiling drudgery for me. Take the idea of a cute summer romance on a food truck, apply it to your favorite fandom and OTP for a Valentine's Day prompt, and then happily move on with your life without having the need to pick up The Music of What Happens. 

Score: 3/10

[babysprouseisart]

Every story ever has its end or the summary of the thoughts on the past #sprousehart era and attempts to change the attitude of others to this illusionary world

Dear fellows, from the very first days of the origin and further existence of mankind on the planet, in each period more and more foundations, irreversible phenomena and laws in nature or the society in which man lived and continues to live appeared. Time is fleeting, night turns to morning, year to year, and every story ever has its end. You can object, say that this is complete nonsense, but unfortunately everything in our world is natural and therefore in the same way one story of two wonderful people - Lili Pauline Reinhart and Cole Mitchell Sprouse - ended.

Their relationship was and will remain one of the most beautiful and unlike in comparison with others, at least based on what I could witness, love story. And even though this love story began seemingly banal with an audition for the role and the set, it was so real, amazing, which many could dream about, with its special feature of gradual disclosure, so enticing, and that is why it probably resonated so much, along with other reasons.

Like any other relationship, this relationship was based on many things and included many reasons for existence. Starting with a slight interest in each other, first liking and flirting, then there was a strong and almost immediate attraction to each other that they both talked about, a passion visible in the way they acted out scenes together and in glimpses of information from others. Then, after some time, the romantic charm passed, and a new stage began – getting used to each other, building a joint life, adapting to the peculiarities and shortcomings of the partner, and it is during this time the couple tries to create a happy and satisfying relationship for each. Accordingly, everyone got a desire to stand out from the other, to be significant not only in the relationship, but also outside of it, which is why they kept their privacy and wanted everyone to perceive them as separate individuals. They clearly tried to control what they shared with the world, and gradually the amount of what they shared increased. We were lucky to witness many, even small, moments in their lives. We were allowed to see the whole development, although some of it was very hidden, starting with the sarcastic banter on Twitter, the tempting 'Tempt me!', then multiple photos of fans with them, then supposedly random photos of Cole, with Lili in the background, or other way around, then many other breadcrumbs, then expanding of the circle of friends where his friends are now hers and vice versa, family meetings following by huge support to the certain time, then an infinity of her photos taken by him, so divine and beautiful, as well as photos taken by her of him, then numerous long or not so long trips to various places, the first vocation trip together which was made public, then 'No comment!', then more words about love in public media, birthday wishes, comments, bouquets just like that and on special days, 72 roses, chocolate-covered strawberries, the way they were baking together, him making a grilled cheese for her, them watching the sunset at Debby's and the other times we haven't seen, the time when Antelope Valley has become an indicator, the most tender words about each other, endless heart eyes, her inability to stop sitting on his lap, and his habit of touching her shoulder, neck, jokes understandable only to them, the words of others about them as if they are friends for 20 years already, knowledge of each other's body language, bragging about wonderful sexy times and the beauty of each other, giving cute nicknames, comfort, joint red carpet moments, him shaking her of joyness, constant support and much more, what we could obviously notice in social networks, interviews, after videos/photos of paparazzi, almost complete idyll at first glance and so on. All this is certainly only what we were allowed to see or what we guessed having observed various facts and over time it has gotten more obvious, and it was an insanely beautiful experience to be a spectator of all this for which I am grateful that is why I sincerely wish myself and all of you to look at it from the point of view that you need to smile because it happened and not cry because it's over. Nevertheless sometimes if you get too involved you can start looking at it through the prism of pink glasses of love and admiration, enjoying every moment they directly or indirectly shared with us, and accordingly, the impression of a fairy tale is being formed that does not quite correctly reflect reality and it does not allow us to perceive the other part on the other side of the screen/social networks, because we simply do not see it. However, I don't want anyone to take it as if I believe that everything they shared was untrue and false, completely out of the blue. All I want to convey to any reader is that everything we saw was only in an unreal bubble of illusions, since the Internet and social networks, which are, after all, this very bubble in its essence, which we ourselves and they decided to form, allowing us to take it as they want and this is normal, and life is very far from perfect or dreamlike. That is to say life is such an unpredictable thing, where everything is justifiably natural and sometimes things just don't work out the way we would like them to, including relationships which are also a complex structure that is not easy to build correctly, sometimes even with a strong attraction and a strong sense of love, there are things that cannot be corrected or changed. As well as you cannot change the essence of a person and his worldview, his personality, internal or external qualities, his behavior, his views on life and goals, his mistakes and position in society, loss of trust, his moral and physical endurance, other side things like sharing very little time for the second half in connection with business or temporary work, unwillingness to accept any conditions, commitment, settling down or restriction of something, lack of compromise, fading feelings because of passed desire and passion, external factors, especially if we are talking about a public couple/popular people, such as dramas in social networks, created by fans or family/friends, stress from the strong involvement of others or non-acceptance of partner selection by relatives, and so on. Just sometimes if after a while two people failed to get accustomed to each other, as if a plant were transplanted into a new soil or some organ to the human body, thanks to some external or internal features, obstacles, be it custom qualities or external influence on each other with the constant tries for the reconstruction of another and over time awareness of the fact that what has been created by the supreme cannot be altered and adjusted for something else, becoming more and more negative, when one of them in its content can no longer learn to cope with the environment and the further continuation of the joint work of the struggle can lead to the bad conditions of both, with exhaustion from this struggle and, accordingly, to the death of cells. And all this exhaustion for whatever reason can also be theoretically and philosophically equated to the bowels of the earth and depleted sources. After all, a person get used to using fresh water, the earth's mineral resources, eating plants and fruits, vegetables, buying things, and so on, but sometimes it happens that this is either limited or ends and nature is no longer able to provide us with anything, after constant giving, and in return receiving only harm or damage. This is a very complex science and this is a life where, as I already said, many things are not the way we picture them to be. So many interpretations and/or reasons can and could be hidden behind all these failures/ends/dissensions/decays/breakups/bad moments in life, and I cannot even list all the options, but I have some general considerations on the specific occasion, but I do not want to start the speculation now and go into details about why and how I think the end of this love story that we all loved happened, cause it is not my business and I am no one to judge someone or even dare to talk about it when I am not them or relative/friend to any of them and I haven't seen the actual period of their relationship and how it was going from the beginning to the end except my own representation of everything based on this social-media bubble, and each of you can have your own thoughts and draw your own conclusions. However, it goes without saying that even after any obstacles, failures and heart and soul break and with the passage of time, everything constantly takes place to change in any way, people change, the behavior change, the attitude change, and so on, one moment the doors are closed, in the other you open them or they are opened for you so in the end a person finds their happiness and purpose despite previous mistakes and shortcomings.

The penultimate thing I want to say is that obviously, after all this, you are already starting to think about something and I really hope so, given what I said about life and bubbles of unreality in our time, and as you gain experience in this fandom and being a fan very much involved in all of this it can be very useful for us to eventually rethink how much we were involved and how much energy we were giving this every time, and I have already made a whole post about this. And particularly good for me were  the recent events when there is no particular food for thought and to be involved, I'm more and more alienated from the lives of other strangers, and the more time passes, the more relaxed I began to react to many things, although it also sometimes was hard to deal with all the drama and speculation, constantly think through all sorts of logical outcomes, since I am such a person by nature and I cannot be calm without a logical conclusion, and I am still digesting the whole situation happening since the beginning of this year with the fandom and the relationship of these two people, however, as much as I would not like to clearly represent everything and have a clear picture now it does not matter, the main thing is that it was and it just needs to step over, swallow and not give too much attention to this, because unfortunately we could not control the whole situation, we could not prevent what happened and what could have happened just because we are not the supreme or these same people and it is not our business.

In conclusion, even if some may think of me as a soulless person or that I do not care about others, know that this is far from it, I just try and will try to find a way out of the situation, reorganize and look at everything objectively and with a grain of salt because I believe that this is the right decision to be detached in any way from someone else's experiences, especially from those who are so far from us, and bad moments, so as not to have any attachment, hope and faith, so that it does not hurt us later. But I am certainly an emotional person and my heart just bursts with pain when I see that many people strongly bring down themselves and suffer from the fact that there was some kind of non-related to them co-ordinal change, although this is not the end of the world, and therefore I consider it my duty to try to somehow distract some of you and calm down on this account, as once I was helped by others and my own search for the right attitude.

[alwaysmychoices]

This is the embarrassingly long rant on my favourite passages attached with a few questions.

A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey 

Unspoken

Tonight, under the soft moonlight glow, Ethan didn’t look like the confident doctor she’d met in Edenbrook. Concern etched itself into his handsome features, and a lingering air of defeat and disappointment followed him like a cruel haunting.

For me, this passage is a trigger. Ethan definitely cares for Charlie and he would bulldoze the town looking for her when she’s drunk and alone in a bar. But he would refuse to act on his feelings when she’s sober. But the realisation that Raf or Bryce might think differently strikes him and sets into motion a series of incidents that culminate in the chapter "Blind Date". How strategic was Naveen's plan to bring up Bryce?

Goodbye

This was the last time he would have Charlotte Greene in his bed. He wouldn’t wake up again to her wild, blonde curls in his face...

...

“Stay the night,” he whispered. He couldn’t let her go now…

I love him.

The realization hit Charlie with enough force to knock her down. And then the tears came, and the desperation was complete.

Charlie Greene loved Ethan Ramsey, and she had already lost him.

...

She wouldn’t… he tried to calm himself as he moved back to the bedroom. She must have gotten dressed and gotten coffee or something. Surely, she would be back. She wouldn’t have gone without a goodbye, and this couldn’t end with a midnight dash out of his apartment. It was too meaningful. It deserved a proper send-off, a proper discussion.

But Ethan didn’t have to look for an answer for long.

...

He never left Charlie because she left him first.

To be very honest, this chapter did things to me that I was not prepared for. I had to take a break before I came back, reread it and wondered if I could accept it. It hurt me, it reminded me of incidents that I didn’t even know I still carried in my heart. The fact that Charlie, and not Ethan left first, jolted me into the realisation that unlike PB’s conclusion, you just don’t go back to being an attending and an intern after that. But now I believe, that was necessary. They had to grow as people. How difficult was the decision to make her leave on your part (especially when the canon provided an easier alternative)?

With and Without

Blind Date

Once his eyes landed on her, he couldn’t tear them away. He’d seen Charlie at varying states, some more vulnerable or confident than others. He knew her worst and best. She was never more beautiful than she was peacefully asleep on his bed, but surely, this came close.

But she wasn’t made up for him.

Could I assume that this chapter is the fulcrum on which the series rests? I think it is the culmination of the reactions elicited for the first time in Ethan in “Unspoken”.  Further, the story could have gone very differently at two points- firstly, when Ethan decided to join Baz and secondly, when Charlie decided to leave her date to take care of Ethan. Their choices, especially Charlie’s in the end, established that they were too far gone to return at this point.

Ethan shook his head, “She doesn’t want to be around me. I hurt her. I meant to hurt her. I want her to find better than me.” His voice wavered, thick with emotion.

“She misses you, too,” Charlie professed breathlessly, suddenly aware of every missing piece she’d been looking for with David.

She missed Ethan. She’d missed Ethan from the moment she lost him in the spring.

I cannot even begin to explain how beautifully sad this was!

Hangover Cure

Charlie was lounging comfortably on the couch, Jenner draped across her lap as she scrolled through menus on her smartphone. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a haphazard bun in stark contrast to the sleek, sophisticated dress that hugged her frame. Ethan realized, with a deep sigh of relief, that he was the one who got to see her like this, not the one who had touched her knee at the bar last night.

...

They neared the end of the season when Charlie’s eyes grew heavy, and Ethan watched her squirm out of the corner of his eye as she tried to stay awake. When Jenner joined them on the couch and cuddled into Charlie, any hope of evading a nap was lost.

I love domestic scenes of Ethan and MC. But what you did here is exceptional. I think you have turned Ethan’s apartment into this sanctuary, where they can be everything they want to. Primal, elemental, unbridled and honest.

“You’ve been wearing that dress since 8 pm last night. You deserve a change of clothes, Charlie,” Ethan was as he sat on the edge of the couch, massaging his temple as if giving little thought to the act.

...

Maybe that’s what made the gesture so startling.

...

It was ridiculous that she was so moved. She’d left David in the cold last night just to make sure Ethan was alright, and after dragging him home, she’d stayed with him as he stumbled and vomited. She’d waited all night, in fact. In contrast, he offered her a pair of sweatpants.

But there was a sense of familiarity and intimacy that she hadn’t expected.

She’d only worn his clothes after having sex with him. Now, she got to wear them just because he was worried about her comfort.  

I know you ease into angst right after that. That isn't fluff in its conventional sense. And you maintain that you generally don't write fluff. But those lines just warmed my heart in ways I cannot explain. How do you do this?

“I’m sorry you had to leave your date to take care of me,” Ethan may have hated that she was having a good time with someone else, but he did regret ruining it. He didn’t dare tell her why he’d been so reckless at the pub, but deep down, he suspected that she knew that it was his jealousy.

...

“I didn’t have to,” Charlie chuckled softly, much to Ethan’s surprise...

...

“I went because…” Charlie stopped herself before she could say something regrettable. He noted the abrupt stop and waited with bated breath before she explained, “I came to get you because I care about you, and I was worried. I wasn’t running from a bad date or forced to see you. I decided to go.”

I know from experience it’s the absolute opposite of easy to be in a relationship without label. This scene is them treading that path, without even knowing that they are already doing it. “They didn’t need to explain what they were doing or why they were there. They just let it happen.”

After Hours

I (literally) love every sentence in this chapter.

There was a profound, blissful moment of clarity where Charlie suddenly understood that this had been inevitable. This kiss – as surprising as it felt – had been coming on from the moment she picked him over David. It had been written in stone the second she made the decision to stay with him, and their bumbling attempts at friendship had been merely a stepping stone.

One more reason I felt “Blind Date” is the fulcrum of this entire series. I would love to know if you think differently. Do you think David had any remote chance for even a couple of dates?

“The ethical and professional dilemmas are not lost on me, but I want you more than I want to be right. We can’t be open about it with the people around us, but I want a relationship with you, Charlie.”

Finally we have the manifestation of the growth that has been taking place. A few months ago, he would have been apologetic, if not already buying his ticket to a different continent. It has been difficult, it has been messy, and yet he is finally there, which is what matters. 

His thumbprints marked her body and mind, and his constant presence in her mind morphed him into a fantastical beast – elusive and distant. She manipulated the image in her mind, painting him as a hero and a villain, but just before she could be convinced of either, the mirage slipped away to her barebone memories of tender smiles as he pulled her close and apologetic eyes as he distanced himself.

This was “chef’s kiss”. It was like something out of an Anna Karenina or a Wuthering Heights. Would love to hear your thoughts on this passage. 

Further, the scenes in the hospital, where Charlie constantly avoided Ethan, unfold before me as unending passages and hallways, almost like the long takes in some of my favourite movies. It added to the indecision in Charlie’s mind and the endless interlude in Ethan’s.

Ethan stood in a state of shock, all of the hopeful warmth replaced with the bone-chilling absence of it. He failed to comprehend the devastation he felt, running just as she did back into his head.

I knew it wasn’t the end. And I also knew it shattered my heart into a million pieces, just as when Charlie has left in “Goodbye”. However,  completely understand Charlie’s fears and vacillation.

Crying in the Rain

Loving Ethan was inescapable.

She’d fallen in love with him a million little times over hundreds of days, and despite her best attempts, she was always just a little more in love with him. He was an unreal figure in her world, so shrouded in her own folklore of him that every peak of him being a real, vulnerable human being only endeared him more to her.

...

The starry-eyed, ambitious student reading his textbooks couldn’t have imagined that, with every small choice she made in his favor, she would tie herself irrevocably to her hero.

This is so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It has the tone of an old world romance where the knight must inevitably have his heart broken by that ideal woman. Here we have a reversal in the trope.

“You are a risk. I’m terrified of getting hurt. When we ended last time, I was devastated. I cried for days and spent weeks trying to feel okay again, and that was after just one weekend,” Charlie’s words tumbled out of her mouth, rushed and eager. She felt like she needed to tell him everything, like unburdening herself and her insecurities was the only way forward, “I went on a date with someone and spent the rest of my night taking care of you just because I would rather be with a sick, drunk you than anyone else. I keep telling myself to stay away from you, but I always end up at your front door.”

...

“When I actually almost lost you, I was so devastated that I wasn’t afraid anymore,” Charlie confessed, “I understand if you changed your mind,” she added with a crack in her voice because, really, she didn’t understand.

I don’t think I have to even explain the inclusion of this in my list of favourite passages. As this scene unfolded, I was tense, euphoric, I was Ethan and Charlie at the same time. 

I really appreciate this chapter and the one before for how you have held your readers’ attention throughout. I gobbled them up first and then came back to savour them. And yet, never for once did I find them dreary.  I think these were your best in this series.

And I have one last question. Who do you relate with the most (Charlie or Ethan) when you speak of their fears and dilemmas? I mean, is it even possible to choose one?

No, no, no – it is absolutely not embarrassing. If anything, my excitement for getting this was embarrassing.

I’m going to be honest. You actually picked up narrative elements I hadn’t really paid attention to in the aggregate, so I had to think about them and really appreciate the work as a whole (which I rarely do when I’m writing chapter by chapter). I ended up rereading some chapters to refamiliarize myself and put myself back in that headspace, and that was super fun.

So, for your first question about “Unspoken,” Naveen certainly didn’t anticipate inadvertently starting an on-and-off again love affair, but he absolutely intended to rile Ethan up. Naveen is very observant, so when Ethan and Charlie were secretly treating him, he noticed a lot about the pair. In my mind, he was the first to think they were compatible and the first to realize their relationship had the potential to be meaningful and long-lasting.

When I wrote A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, I did not plan on writing With and Without. Towards the end, I had ideas, but the storyline was so jumbled that I wasn’t sure if I would take on such a long, ambitious project. Instead, I thought I would publish those individual ideas as their own work that formed a semi-series. So, while Ethan’s jealousy triggered his behavior in WaW, it wasn’t necessarily my intention.

However, Ethan realizing that Charlie had other romantic options sparked their relationship because Ethan suddenly realized that this thing he had with Charlie wasn’t safe. Up until that time, their relationship had limits almost entirely set by him, and it was well in his comfort zone. There were blips like Miami, but overall, Ethan controlled that part of him that wanted more of Charlie.

But really, their relationship didn’t make sense. They were too comfortable, too familiar, and frankly too connected for mere coworkers. They spent a lot of time behaving like they had a romantic relationship only to snap out of it and remember they were “platonic.” Unconsciously, they were committed to each other, and there was comfort in mutual pining. So, when Ethan realized that Charlie wasn’t on the same page as him and could replace their relationship with a real romantic partnership, things changed. The illusion that Charlie would remain stagnant with him shattered.

First, he had to acknowledge that he hated learning that Charlie had other suitors, and if he did that, he had to acknowledge that he hated them because he wanted to be them. That breaking of barriers allowed them to investigate their relationship and act on repressed feelings, which they’re still doing 24 chapters later.

 Now, for the ending of A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, I never really considered any other ending for several reasons. Firstly, I knew that the relationship had to end because, while Ethan had grown, he hadn’t grown to a point where he could accept a relationship with Charlie and work at Edenbrook. If Naveen hadn’t survived, I think they could have made it work. Ethan wouldn’t have gone back to work as quickly, and they would have had more time to figure out where they stood. But Ethan would have always gone back to work, and there would always be a strain because of that. At the end of A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, Charlie was not enough to stop him, and she knew that.

That brings me to my second reason which is that I just didn’t think they could have a casual ending. Don’t get me wrong, I love the angst of Book 1’s ending, but in canon, they had one night together knowing they had a time limit. It was a very different situation. In A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, they were at the start of a relationship without an expiration date. They were romantic and hopeful, and then it was ripped away. And notably, it was ripped away by Ethan. Charlie couldn’t just blame fate because she watched Ethan make that decision.

Both characters were in pain, but they experienced it very differently. Ethan made the choice, and though he expressed self-hatred, he didn’t really consider staying. For him, their last night is bittersweet but necessary, and he asked Charlie to stay the night so that he could get closure and mark the significance of their relationship. But Charlie didn’t make this decision. She wanted to stay together. Exchanging awkward, sad goodbyes in the morning would have been extremely painful. They couldn’t both get what they wanted or needed from their breakup, and Charlie got to pick because she acted first. This was vaguely hinted to earlier in the series when Ethan promised her that he wouldn’t leave.

Ultimately, I think it’s the lack of closure that prompted the follow-up series. If they had mutually agreed to end things, Charlie wouldn’t have gone to him on the night of “Just Tonight.” There’s also a lot of unresolved pain and distrust because of that night, which Charlie and Ethan haven’t touched yet. Now that we know that Ethan’s mom left him at a very young age, there’s a new dynamic to Charlie leaving that I didn’t even consider at the time but hope to bring up later.

 100%, without “Blind Date,” the rest of the series could not have happened. Now that I’m writing it out, I see that Ethan only knows how to act when what he wants is threatened. “Drinking Games” established that Charlie and Ethan couldn’t go back to the relationship they had Pre-A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey. It only took one night as friends to put them back in danger. When Ethan decided to push Charlie away in “Midnight Call,” they had to live without each other again (which they both hated). Charlie doesn’t have Ethan’s skill for wallowing in longing and disappointment, so she had to do something.

David certainly had the potential for a handful dates – maybe more if she was determined enough. But no, he would never be comparable to Ethan. If Ethan ever found out, he would have been just as hurt as in “Blind Date,” but it still would have taken another catalyst to actually push him to Charlie. Truthfully, I think it would have happened. I think Charlie and Ethan were constantly escalating their behavior, and at some point, they would reach a point where they had to try again or had to sever ties.

Coming into this, I knew that there was a problem with the pattern of Charlie always trying for him and Ethan not being in a place where he could try, too. That wasn’t sustainable, and if they started another relationship in that state, an epic meltdown would follow. Ethan had to reach a point where he was capable of taking the risk, and a lot of that growth happened in “Blind Date” and “Hangover Cure.”

 I’m really happy you noticed that they’re so free and happy in Ethan’s apartment. Especially in the next few chapters, that will be even more prominent. Domestic/borderline fluff (because, if I try fluff, it just gets sad in the next paragraph) is so much fun to write, and I’m excited to touch on that more.

 Also, yes, I don’t even think I know how to explain Ethan and Charlie’s relationship. At that point, they were in a very messy, complicated and unlabeled relationship. Early on, Charlie’s friends warned her against pursuing Ethan again, and I would do the exact same thing. But there was no way Ethan or Charlie would ever stay away from each other permanently.

 For your last question, I relate to both, but if it had to be one, I would relate most to Charlie. She leans much more into the anxiety and complexities of her problems, which I do as well. She feels them very intensely whereas, to some extent, Ethan’s monologues are a bit more removed. Even when he’s making devastating decisions, he separates his duty from his emotions, and he decides which of the two to act on. He also has a penchant for blaming himself, which is something I’m trying to stop doing. Like Ethan, I have a tendency to remove myself from situations when I feel I’m going to make a mistake or am afraid of intimacy/rejection/etc. But most notably, they both keep those fears and dilemmas inside (I’m very guilty of doing that), and that’s what they have to change. When I’m writing Charlie, I like to use stream of consciousness and tap into anxiety. I pay much more attention to the physical/emotional reactions of a thought or action, but for Ethan, it’s more thoughtful and retrospective. Charlie’s reactions are the ones I have in the moment, but Ethan is who I am when I am mulling over something later or have to compartmentalize and function in a painful moment.  

 I love all the passages you picked out! I actually ended up putting one of them on my whiteboard above my desk because I remembered how much I liked it. A few times, I read them and genuinely thought, “I wrote that???” I’m sorry that this response is so long, but once I started, I couldn’t stop myself. I actually had a lot of fun doing this, and I think stopping to appreciate the work in its entirety helps me plan for its future. If you have any other questions or anything, feel free to reach out again!

[kalypsichor]

oh darling [ beatles x reader ]

summary: backstage on the England leg of your tour, you meet the four Liverpool boys of your dreams

prompt: can i request a reader who’s a musician/singer and a big beatles fan so they sing their favorite songs at a concert (my peronal faves are “honey pie”, “oh, darling!” or “for no one”, but you can choose!) and the boys were secretly there!! the boys meet them after the show and the reader just loses it?? maybe some romance?? warnings: too much backstory, badly researched 60s slang

i’m fudging the timeline around so that in this fic oh! darling was released in the early 60s instead of in abbey road and reader is meeting them in the mid 60s. reader is american and I incorporated some romance but left it open-ended. more notes at the end!

masterlist

This is what you love most about touring. A thousand faces shining with the glow of the stage in dark concert halls; the satisfying dig of guitar strings into your fingertips; each inhale of breath that rushes into your lungs and is converted to notes ringing with clarity, clashing with dissonance; and the raw electricity of it all.

As the last chord of the song fades into the air, you allow yourself a giddy, adrenaline-fueled smile. The crowd roars and stomps their feet and you can feel the ground vibrating underneath your feet. It takes a while to get them to quiet down, and when they finally do, you lean in towards the mic.

“I’d like to thank y’all again for coming to tonight’s show!” Cue more screaming. “We’re going to close out with a song by a band you probably haven’t heard of— very underground, very obscure, you know. One of your lot. This is Oh! Darling.”

The crowd erupts into more cheers and you allow yourself to reminisce about the first time you’d heard this song on the radio. A few years younger and without a nickel to your name, your band had been just a hobby during the off-seasons of school. In the sweltering New Orleans summer, crammed into a friend’s garage, you wrote and played songs inspired by the local rhythm and blues so popular at the time. It was all just for your own enjoyment, of course— you didn’t think that anyone outside of Louisiana would like your kind of music. But you loved the slow grinding tempos and the strong backbeats that were so fun to dance to, even if you and your bandmates were the only ones who’d ever sing or dance to them.

Until, of course, you changed a radio station one day and suddenly heard that very same rhythm and blues from some internationally known band called The Beatles. “Well,” you said, turning to your bandmates, “if some pasty English boys can play it on the radio, why can’t we?” So the band began booking gigs at local bars, then theaters, then across the world as its popularity grew. All the while, you fell in love with the English band, buying every new record and learning your favorites on guitar.

And here you were on tour in Britain years later, living a dream you could barely believe. A giddy smile spreads across your face as you realize the enormity of being here at all, thousands of miles away from home and singing the song that started it all. Your fingers pluck the familiar strings and you feel yourself settle into a nostalgic beat.

Oh! Darling, please believe me I’ll never do you no harm…

When it’s over and you take your last bow, sweat beads your face and neck and you want nothing more than a cold shower and a bottle of champagne. The din of cheers and claps follows you into the wings of the stage where your manager waits with an odd smile on her face.

“Some people here to see you,” she says. You grab a cup of water from one of the assistants and down it like, well, water.

“I thought we weren’t letting fans backstage today.”

“Yes, but these aren’t the usual fans. They’re… you have to see for yourself.”

You set down the glass, already wishing you were in bed. “Look, Grace, I’m sorry but it’s just not a good time. I don’t care if it’s the Kennedy’s or Jesus Christ himself, tell them to come back later.”

“It’s been said that we’re bigger than Jesus, y’know.”

If you turned your head any faster you would’ve gotten whiplash. That familiar Scouse accent that you’ve only heard in records and interviews… but there was no way it was—

“John Lennon?” It’s your drummer, Thomas, who speaks. “You’re John Lennon. God, that’s unreal. I’m talking to John fucking Lennon.”

“Oh, don’t mind us, we’re just backdrop,” grumbles one of the other three. He’s got dark, intense eyes under heavy brows and a mop of hair. This is George Harrison in the flesh and blood, and he would seem very serious if it weren’t for his toothy, almost canine grin. You feel a thrill race down your spine from the almost predatory look that he gives you.

Kate, the bassist, peers over your shoulder. “Y’all are a lot shorter in person,” she comments. Then, quietly to you, “Close your mouth, honey. You’re catching flies out here.”

You really hope you’re not drooling. It’s no big deal, right? Except that your idols are standing right in front of your eyes, mop-tops and all. You suddenly become hyper-aware of how your hair is plastered to your face and yet somehow also sticking up in eighty different directions. Why didn’t you use more product? More importantly, why haven’t you said a single word yet? They must think you’re some kind of idiot. Okay, do something before it becomes awkward. A handshake! A handshake is good.

You stick out a trembling hand. “Hi,” you say, voice breathy and high like some kind of schoolgirl with a crush.

Too late, you realize that there’s no way all four of them can shake your hand, idiot, and you’ve already come up with four different ways to fake your own death and never speak to anyone again when Paul McCartney (Paul! Freaking! McCartney!) takes your palm with a gentle but steady grasp. He brings it to his lips in a mock bow, eyes peering up under fluttering eyelashes.

“M’lady.”

(Is this what cardiac arrest feels like?)

“Down, boy!” John pats the back of the bassist’s head, smirking, and before you can mourn the loss of his touch they’ve begun bickering like an old married couple.

A different hand takes yours. Thick, calloused fingers. Cold metal rings press into your skin. “Don’t mind them, they’re children. I’m Ringo.” And here was Ringo Starr with the signature grin. Something about his sweet, wide smile makes you relax instinctively. He’s just human, like you. They all are. Underneath the fame and fortune, you’re all just messy humans with a love for music. And with that realization, you let yourself settle back into your usual self.

“They’re not so bad,” you say. “I’ve seen worse. At least they’re potty trained, right?”

This gets an adorable laugh from him as well as George, the latter of which had been talking to Kate about guitars until now.

“Great job up there, by the way.” You blush at the compliment and George goes on, “Those are some wicked brilliant riffs! You’ve got to show them to me sometime.”

“What, and let you steal our band’s secrets? You’ll have to try a little harder than that, mister.”

The three of you fall into an easy banter, mostly gushing about each others’ musicianship. Eventually, John and Paul break their fight, realizing that they’re no longer the center of attention.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” John says a little breathlessly, still laughing from something Paul said. You try not to notice how pink his cheeks are or the way his hair falls perfectly into his eyes from the toustling. “Say, why don’t we take this somewhere with a booth and at least three pints of alcohol?”

“There’s a pub two blocks down,” Paul chimes in, “and they always let us take the back door. The fans can get crazy, y’know.”

Pru, the other lead vocalist, swings an arm around your shoulder and answers before you can. “Sounds boss. I’m ready to split if you are, mop-tops.”

They look confusedly at one another and you huff, elbowing her in the ribs. “What she means is that we’d be delighted to go. Right, Pru?”

She scoffs something along the lines of stuffy Brits but nods. With that, the two bands begin making their way to the exits, melding into one raucous group of overlapping conversations. Before you can make it there, however, your manager grabs you by the arm and looks you in the eye with a steely glare.

“I better not being seeing your face in the papers tomorrow.”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, Mom.”

“And be back at the hotel before three! You’ve all got interviews in the morning and I do not want another situation like Toronto on my hands. You hear me?”

“That reporter was a sexist pig and I meant what I said. Also, I wasn’t that hungover!”

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” George pipes up, “We’ll get her back in one piece. Maybe two, if we’re unlucky.”

You pat Grace’s hand and her glare softens. “Alright, get outta my sight.” She waves a hand and walks off, already rattling off instructions a mile a minute at some poor intern.

“Is yours like that too?” you ask, looking after Grace fondly as she picks up a costume rack without slowing down. If the terrified look on the intern’s face is any indication, she’s still berating him to high hell.

“Honestly,” George replies, “I think all managers are. Mum away from home, y’know. Eppy’s always right and it’s annoying as hell.”

You share a knowing smile before surging on to catch up with the group already at the door. John’s at the lead. Elbowing your way through, you make your way to his side.

“It’s a side entrance so it shouldn’t be too bad,” he says, pushing on the handle.

Immediately, a barrage of sound smacks you in the face hard enough to do a double-take. Apparently, you and every other person in London knew about the side entrance because you’re met with a sea of clamoring fans. Heads turn toward the opened door in a mesmerizing, horrifying ripple of motion. Someone mutters a heartfelt fuck under their breath. It’s probably you.

“There she is!” a girl screams.

“I love you! I LOVE YOU!”

“Is that the Beatles?”

“MARRY ME PAUL! I WANT YOUR BABIES!”

Amidst the chaos, someone intertwines their fingers in yours. It’s John. He looks down at you with a boyish grin and, not for the first time, you lose a bit of yourself in his gaze. The other three boys share the same wild glint in their eyes. He leans close until his lips brush your ear and for a moment you let yourself believe that you’re alone with him and nobody else.

“This is the part where we run, darling.”

And so you do.

notes: because i’m horny for music history, i spent way too much time researching oh! darling’s musical composition. the song is heavily influenced by new orleans rhythm and blues as well as louisiana swamp blues, music styles originating from african-americans/creoles/cajuns in the 50s (read more about it here!). so in my mind, reader is of the same ethnic background as the music she creates, but you’re free to interpret it however you want! 

[bnhayyy]

The Call (5)

Chapter Title: Liars

Wordcount: 7.3k

Fic Tag: Click

Ao3 Link: Click

Chapter Summary: Time passes, Levi and Hanji meet up with Erwin, and the slayers attempt socialization.

Notes: Thank you @celadongirl​ for betaing this chapter! Also, I actually have a Yumihisu one-shot taking place in the same universe as The Call, which I'll be posting before chapter six. It's fluffy, was written on a whim, and you technically won't be missing anything important to the story if you don't read it, but I'll be posting it at some point within the next week if you are interested. Anywho, if you’re enjoying this fic, please consider joining my writing discord or buying me a ko-fi!

Two weeks passed.

Two weeks with no more encounters with Ymir.

Two weeks of patrolling and training with Annie.

Two weeks of allowing the goofballs Erwin was teaching about the supernatural to pull her into their conversations.

Two weeks of falling into a rhythm.

It was ruined the second she turned on the television.

The local news was running a piece on a missing man.

Mikasa froze as the information washed over her. The man had gone for a walk two nights before and never returned. He was presented as a mild-mannered middle-aged man. Unobtrusive. Distraught family left behind. Not a student, but the street the reporter said he lived on was only a few miles away from Paradis Community College. With the timing-

"If anyone has any information," the reporter pleaded, "then please call-"

Mikasa turned into the television and stared blankly into its depths.

Ymir had killed again. Of course she had killed again, two weeks had passed. No one new had gone missing on campus, but that didn't mean that there were no more victims. For all that she knew, this man might not even be the only victim in the past two weeks. He probably wasn't.

Mikasa and Annie hadn't been proactive enough in hunting the vampire down. Neither she, Annie, nor Erwin had been able to find anything on Ymir. They hadn't seen her since their last fight either, but that- that wasn't an excuse. Mikasa should have found something else to do, another way to go after her. She was the senior slayer, between her and Annie. This was her city and she had already had two opportunities to kill the thing plaguing it.

Twice she had the opportunity to end it. Twice she had failed.

This man's blood was on her hands.

***

Making it to class was an unusual combination of difficult and easy. There was a part of Mikasa that wanted to curl up in bed and forget that she existed for a few hours. However, a larger part of her knew that she couldn't do that. Forgetting about the world once could lead to her doing it again, for longer periods of time, which could eventually lead to her giving up completely.

She was the slayer. She didn't have the luxury of giving up.

So Mikasa had only allowed herself to feel the shame and guilt for a short while. Then she forced the feelings down, leaned into her rage, and got ready for the day.

There were still fifteen minutes until class was scheduled to start by the time she made it to Biology. The room was empty of all but a single student.

Armin.

Despite her seat being next to his, Mikasa didn't look at him as she sat down. She knew that he watched the news every morning and knew the expression that she'd see if she looked at him. He knew her well enough to know that she would be blaming herself for the latest disappearance, and she knew him well enough to know that he would tell her that it wasn't her fault. They both knew that it wouldn't change anything. That wouldn't be enough to stop Armin though. It never was. He was the sort of person who always had to at least try.

That didn't mean that she had to look him in the face as he did it.

Mikasa pulled her bag onto her lap. As she began what she planned on being the very slow process of extracting her book from her bag, Armin began speaking in a low, soft voice.

"Mikasa, I know you probably aren't in a very good mood today, but I wanted to say-"

Maybe getting her textbook out would be a genuinely slow process after all. She hadn't exactly been careful while shoving her belongings into her bag that morning. A small frown creased her lips as she pushed pens, notebooks, a loose stake, and miscellaneous other items aside in order to reach her biology textbook. This wouldn't do for the night's patrol - not if she wanted to try and track down Ymir. On nights when she didn't want her school supplies to weigh her down, she stopped at home to drop them off anyway. Tonight, she would have to make sure to reorganize it as well, make sure all of her weapons were placed perfectly and ready to go at a moment's notice.

"- you've been doing a good job making friends lately, and I'm proud of you."

Mikasa froze. "What?" she asked, the question leaving her mouth before she could stop to think about it.

"You've been socializing more lately," Armin said. "It's made you happier. And you've been doing better as a slayer because of it."

"There are two slayers now," Mikasa pointed out, voice automatically going quieter even though they were alone.

"Annie counts as spending time with other people," Armin argued. "And you've been letting more people in since you've met her."

"Sasha doesn't really-"

"Mikasa." Armin smiled, tentative but warm. Hopeful. "I'm glad. You should have friends. As a person, and-"

"-slayers aren't supposed to have friends," Mikasa reminded him in a whisper. All of the information she had managed to pry from the internet had been very instant on that; the slayer worked alone. She supposed that Erwin might think differently, given how he had pushed her toward the people who were making a solid attempt at sneaking into her life, but he hadn't done anything to warrant her assigning any true value in his judgment. All she had to go on were her gut feelings, and her gut feeling told her that he was the sort of person who got people hurt.

"That philosophy is scientifically flawed," Armin said. "Human beings get stressed when they don't have other people to lean on, and stress makes people perform poorly, no matter what they're doing. You mentioned the other day that you've been having more success on your patrols, right? Well, I don't think Annie's help is the only reason for that."

Mikasa didn't respond, simply trying to absorb his words. In her silence, Armin decided to add a little more.

"Even if you can't save everyone, you're doing better now than you were before. Don't lose sight of that."

At that, Mikasa finally looked over at him. His expression was a telling combination of nervous and hopeful.

She didn't smile at him, but despite the circumstances, it was a close thing.

"This is a new angle for you," she said.

Armin offered her a small smile. "It's true."

It's better than telling me that it isn't my fault, she thought. Verbally, she let out a non-committal hum.

"Besides," Armin continued, his voice taking on a lighter air, "I don't want you in a bad mood for tonight."

Mikasa paused. "Tonight?"

"Ah," Armin said, rubbing the back of his head. As if to mention it had been an accident and not the fully calculated move that it doubtlessly was. "I heard that Sasha wants to go out tonight and take some friends with her, and-"

"-you assumed I'm one of them," Mikasa finished.

"I know you are," Armin said. "She doesn't have your phone number or any classes this early, but trust me, she's going to find you and ask you later."

Mikasa frowned. "I-"

"-Should go," Armin finished.

"No," Mikasa countered, "I need to go patrolling."

"You really shouldn't," Armin urged. "If Ymir has been watching you, she'll expect you to be out in full force after that report. It would be too easy for her to set a trap. Besides, there would be benefits to going."

"Social benefits?" Mikasa asked, voice flat.

Armin shook his head. "You haven't been able to find out anything about her, right? But not all vampires lurk in graveyards constantly. They can't, logically. If you keep your eyes and ears peeled, it might be an opportunity to learn something useful."

Mikasa's gaze dropped down to her bag. To her textbook, which was peeking halfway out of it. She supposed Armin had a point. No, she knew Armin had a point. There had been enough disappearances that people would be talking, especially after that morning's report. It was still... daunting. Daunting in ways that had nothing to do with slaying.

A flicker of movement in the corner of her eye made her glance toward the door just in time to see one of her other classmates filter in. That was her cue. It was time to wrap this conversation up.

"Alright," she murmured. "I'll consider it. But." She turned to look Armin in the eyes, lest he think she was anything short of serious. "If I go, then so do you."

Armin blanched. "But-"

"If it's a social thing, I'll be able to protect you," Mikasa pointed out. She wouldn't risk him around her most of the time, but in this instance, as part of a group, she might be alright with it.

"Yeah," Armin murmured with a weak laugh. "Only social danger."

"For both of us. And if she does invite me, I don't think we'll be the only ones out of our element." Sasha could say what she wanted about why she was trying to befriend Mikasa, but there was no doubting what had turned her attention to Mikasa in the first place. If Mikasa's status as the slayer had drawn the girl to her, then Annie was probably in the same position.

Even if she wasn't, Sasha would almost definitely invite Reiner, and Reiner seemed like the sort of person who would drag his more introverted friends into non-introverted situations. Either way, Annie was doomed.

"Alright," Armin acquiesced. "It's a deal."

"If she asks me," Mikasa emphasized, since the notion still felt fairly unreal. People didn't ask her to do things with them. But Armin was usually a reliable source of that information, and because of that, she was forced to truly consider the prospect. "If she asks me, then we'll both go."

***

Erwin had gone home after teaching his class that morning and went directly for his computer. That was where he remained hours later, leaning forward with his elbows on his desk and his chin resting on steepled fingers.

He felt like he was making progress. It had manifested with a clarity so strong that it became undeniable, the unwavering certainty that he was onto something, that it would all slot into place if he just found a few more pieces to the puzzle. The trouble was that he didn't have any proof. He didn't even have anything other than that feeling to suggest that he wasn't wasting precious time.

And yet he didn't feel like a fool for chasing it.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of a knock on the door. Just one, sharp and to the point. Erwin started to stand up, only for something on the screen to catch his eye.

He slowly lowered himself back into his seat and leaned forward.

There were several more knocks at the door, loud and excited. They were followed by the sound of muffled shouting. The corners of Erwin's lips pulled up, but he remained seated and kept his eyes glued to the screen as he continued to scroll down the spreadsheet before him.

As expected, the knocking and shouting soon died down in favor of the sound of a lock being picked.

And as expected, his eyes had been tricking him. There were more brunettes among the people who had disappeared over the past several months than blonds, redheads, or people with unusually dyed hair. However, it wasn't so many that it couldn't be attributed to the prevalence of that hair color over the others rather than an actual pattern.

Erwin didn't know if he should feel disappointed or vindicated.

The door swung open with a click. It was followed by the sound of two sets of footsteps, one heavy and steady, the other quick and uneven.

"Rude asshole," Levi muttered as he walked down the office on his way down the hallway. Probably on his way to the kitchen. Given how far he had to drive, Erwin had known to buy and set tea out for him ahead of time.

Hanji was more direct. They gripped the side of the doorway to swing themselves into his office before prancing over. "Erwiiiiiin," they called. "What are you looking at?"

"Data on the people who've disappeared over the past month," he said.

"Ooh." Hanji leaned over his shoulder to get a closer look. "Looking for patterns?"

"Something like that," Erwin murmured.

"'Something like that?' Erwin, I want details!"

Erwin chuckled. "We should wait for Levi," he said.

Hanji groaned. "He's already off going through your cupboards."

"He shouldn't take too long," Erwin said. "I left the tea he likes out for him."

Hanji laughed. "Like a short, angry Santa."

Erwin smiled slightly. "Here," he said, pushing the desk chair back and standing up. "Take a look for yourself."

Hanji didn't hesitate. They rushed to take his place and leaned forward so that they were only inches away from the screen, eyes darting from one side of the screen as they tried to absorb all the information as quickly as possible. Erwin couldn't help but notice that they still had their windbreaker on. A quick glance showed that although they still had their boots on as well, they weren't muddy, and nothing had been tracked in on his carpeting.

Levi would have taken his shoes off before he started down the hallway. He just moved fast. Hanji may have been the sort to abandon their luggage in the entryway, but Levi wouldn't stand for it, which meant that all of their belongings would still be in the hall.

They had been eager to see him. It almost made Erwin feel bad for leaving them to break in. 

"There's a slight tendency toward college students and victims tend to be within a few miles of the campus," Hanji eventually said.

"That's just the location," Erwin replied. "If we assume that they have limited transportation or something's tying them to the college, the perpetrator might not be able to control that. Anything else?"

Hanji stared at the computer screen for another long moment before shaking their head. "No, it seems random."

"Exactly," Erwin said.

"What, exactly?" a dry voice asked from behind him. It would seem that Levi hadn't become any less stealthy in the months since he'd last seen them. "Some thing's randomly snacking on college kids?"

Erwin stepped back and to the side so that he could easily see both of his friends. Unlike Hanji, Levi had removed his jacket since entering the house. He must have; although it was hardly cold, there was enough of a chill that he knew that he wouldn't have gone without. He was holding a cup of steaming tea atop a delicate white saucer and giving Erwin a flat, unimpressed look from over the top of it.

"I don't think it's actually random," Erwin said. "True impulse killers will often end up with some degree of pattern between their victims because of unconscious preferences or sheer coincidence. If you look just at the disappearances on the campus, some of them share the same classes, or go to class with the same person, but it isn't a reliable pattern, and it falls apart when you expand to include non-student disappearance."

"Go to class with the same person," Levi intoned. "That's awfully specific." He paused to give Erwin a long, piercing look. "Is it targeting the slayer?"

"I thought they might be at first," Erwin confessed. "Three of the victims shared a class with Mikasa, but the two other students who disappeared have no connection to her, nor did the four who didn't attend the college. Considering that Mikasa is mostly taking required classes, it could be a coincidence. Quite frankly, even if it does involve her, I think that there's more going on here."

"Alright," Hanji said, spinning his chair around to face him. "What's your theory, then?"

"It could be a particularly self-aware human who's killing additional people that don't fit their target type in an attempt to obscure their true targets," Erwin said.

"Sounds like a lot of work," Levi remarked.

"It does," Erwin confessed. "But so does the other option." He crossed his arms as he cast the computer another look. "It could be a vampire or other demon that is trying to look like an impulse killer when they aren't."

"That's not very in line with demonic behavior," Hanji remarked.

"It isn't," Erwin agreed. "But look at the victims. The genders and appearances all vary. The financial and social information I could gather about them fluctuates wildly. Those victims who do have similarities are too few to stand a real chance at being considered a pattern. And look at the college students; the couple were seniors, but Miss Carolina was a freshman, and one was a forty-year-old late start student."

"They tried for a range even when variation was naturally limited," Hanji murmured.

"I have trouble believing that this is anything but calculated," Erwin said. "It is a far larger coincidence to end up with none than it is for there to be one or two."

"Alright," Levi interjected. "So let's say that some thing is trying to look like they kill. Why? Most demons look for something specific. Vampires don't always, but the sick bastards tend to lean into it when they have a type, not play at being something else."

"Maybe it's hiding something," Hanji suggested.

"If it's pretending to be a random killer, it's already hiding something, four-eyes."

"No, I mean, maybe it wants people to think it kills randomly to keep people off its trail for something else."

"Like what?"

"Ah, I'm not sure." Hanji rubbed the back of their head and offered Levi a sheepish smile. "I don't know enough yet. Anything I say would just be guesswork."

Erwin offered the pair a warm smile. It was nice to see Levi and Hanji banter again, and almost as nice to see how quickly they had reached his own conclusion. "I'm afraid I don't have any detailed theories either," Erwin confessed. "But it is interesting." The demons that acted atypically always were.

"People are dying," Levi pointed out.

Erwin faltered, a faint sight leaving his lips. "I know," he said. "Stopping the thing doing this is my priority. But we need more information. First, we need to rule out the possibility that a human's doing this-"

"-If it is a human acting like a demon, I don't see why we can't just treat it like one and put it in the ground," Levi muttered.

"Don't tell the council-”

“- As if I’d ever tell those bastards anything. -”

“- and I just might let you," Erwin admitted. "But whether it is or isn't, we don't have much to go on." That might have been the point of choosing such a varied pool of victims in and of itself, but everything he knew about demonic nature made him doubt it. “Mikasa thinks that it might be an overly strong vampire named Ymir, but she hasn’t been seen in over two weeks and I haven’t been able to find anything on her.”

“Mikasa,” Hanji cut in. “That’s the slayer who… died… right?”

“Yes,” Erwin confirmed.

"The slayer who didn't tell you she'd died," Levi said. "Any chance you've talked to her about that yet?"

Erwin held back a sigh. "No," he said.

Levi stepped forward to set his tea down on Erwin's desk, then whirled back around to face him. "Why the fuck not?" he demanded.

"This is a delicate situation," Erwin said. "Mikasa has gone without a watcher, or any intervention from the watcher's council, for years, and has apparently experienced at least one highly traumatic event in that time. I can't force her to trust me. I can't even afford to try."

"But you can't keep waiting for her to come to you," Hanji pointed out. "I don't think it'll work. From what you've told us, she doesn't sound like she's anything like-"

Levi and Hanji's eyes met. A second passed, then Hanji looked away.

"- it doesn't sound like it'll work," they finished.

"I know," Erwin confessed. "I just-"

"-Sound like you have a lot of regrets for a guy who talks about not having any," Levi muttered. He wasn't looking at Erwin or Hanji anymore, but some distant spot on the wall.

"This isn't about regret," Erwin said. "It's about not repeating past mistakes."

"Well," Levi said, his voice very subtly off in a way that would be undetectable to anyone who didn't know him well, "making sure she doesn't have a hidden agenda or any other secrets would be a good place to start."

"Probably," Erwin agreed.  A hint of resignation leaked into his voice as he added, "the disappearances and second slayer may not be the only reasons I called you."

"Aaah," Hanji said. "You're useless without us." Their lips twitched upwards. It wasn't enough to dispel the strain that pulled at their voice and lingered in their eyes. 

"Probably," Erwin agreed once more.

There was more to say on the matter. Much, much more. Just not now. He couldn't in good conscience allow them to remain on the subject. Not while Levi was wearing the distant, heartbroken expression that he'd gotten so good at disguising over the years and Hanji looked like someone who'd accidentally punched their best friend. There was plenty of time to discuss the disappearances, Mikasa, Annie, and all the other young people who'd been involved.

That was a lie. In every moment that wasn't spent investigating the disappearances and trying to find a way to stop them, innocent people were in danger. Every moment that he wasn't trying to improve his relationship with Mikasa, he let her slip further away.

The truth was that Erwin was seeing the people he held most dear for the first time in months and wanted to be selfish for at least a few hours.

"Anyway," he redirected, "would you like some help unpacking?"

"God yes," Hanji groaned, flopping back against the chair and sending it rolling a few inches. "I want- I want food. And a nap. Erwin, I cannot emphasize enough how much I want a nap."

"Think the five hundred milligrams of caffeine you drank today might have something to do with that?" Levi drawled, shooting Hanji an utterly unsympathetic look.

"Nah," Hanji groaned. "I just exist this way."

Levi scrunched his nose up in distaste, and Erwin couldn't help but chuckle.

Despite the circumstances, it was good to have them back.

***

Annie did not see how going out clubbing was "for the mission". Reiner could say whatever he liked about it being an opportunity to get closer to the slayer, she would remain certain in her belief that he was just making an excuse to have fun with his human friends.

At least Annie could take comfort in the knowledge that she wasn't the only one uncomfortable there. Sasha, Connie, Jean, Marco, and Reiner took the lead as they approached the brightly lit club, one big, cheerful, chatting mass of dipshits. Meanwhile, Mikasa, Armin, and Bertolt lingered a few steps behind with her, all looking some degree out of place.

"Well," Armin said, a shaky smile inching its way across his face. "This place certainly seems energetic."

"Yeah," Bertolt agreed. "Lots of... energy."

Both of them looked nice. Their hair was done, and while they weren't overdressed, they looked sleek and trendy. If only they didn't look both look like they expected someone to come around and shove them in a locker at any second. Bertolt actually looked a shade worse than Armin even though he could easily kill anyone who tried such a thing.

"These places are supposed to be loud, aren't they?" Mikasa asked. She looked and sounded relatively unbothered by the pair. Her tell was that she walked at the very back of the group, behind even Annie. Such behavior was just as out of place with her appearance as Bertolt and Armin's nervousness, because if they looked nice, she was stunning.

Mikasa was wearing a shimmery black spaghetti-strap dress that went down to her knees, black heels, and a touch of red lipstick that drew attention to the angles of her face and the soft curls of long black hair framing her face.

Annie had quickly thrown on a pair of jeans and a nice-ish blue shirt.

She really was going to kill Reiner one of these days.

"Yeah," Armin said, voice soft enough that it wouldn't carry to the people who actually enjoyed places like this. A small grimace touched his face. "I guess I didn't think about that. I hoped there'd be more... I don't know..."

"Jazz?" Bertolt suggested.

"Jazz would be nice," Armin agreed.

But there was no jazz. They were still a solid hundred yards away from the club and Annie could already hear the techno music pumping from it, the sort of sound that existed primarily for total strangers to grind and gyrate against each other. According to Reiner, Sasha had sworn up and down that they played a variety of music.

With Reiner and Sasha being the ones making the claim, Annie felt like she was valid in having her doubts.

Speak of the devil. Reiner began to slow his pace until he naturally started lagging behind the group of extroverts. When he reached her side, Annie caught his eye and frowned. He winked, then took a few steps backward so that he was walking beside Mikasa.

Mikasa gave him a faintly surprised look at the sudden approach, but didn't say anything. That gave him time to get started with whatever angle he was trying.

"I was wondering, do you have a sword?" Reiner asked.

Mikasa blinked. "A sword?" she asked.

"For slaying," Reiner clarified. "We-" he gestured with his head toward Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Marco, who were shooting occasional glances in their direction now. "- were talking about the best way to behead something, and-"

"AN AXE IS BEST!" Sasha hollered.

Annie winced, both because of the blatant eavesdropping and the oh-so-inconspicuous line Braus had chosen to scream.

Naturally, Reiner called back, "AXES ONLY HAVE ONE SIDE!"

"NOT ALL OF THEM!"

Reiner chuckled, then turned his attention back to Mikasa. "Swords have a bigger advantage than being two-sided though," he said lowering his voice into something more comfortable as he continued speaking. His voice was capable of sounding very warm when he tried. Pleasant. Sometimes even comforting, if you didn't know what he was actually like. "A good-sized one will let you keep some distance between yourself and your opponent without the fuss of having to aim with a long-ranged weapon, and the momentum you build once you get going makes up for the weight. They're the way to go for demons that require decapitation."

Mikasa nodded, expression thoughtful. "It makes sense," she said. "But, why are you talking to me about it?"

"Because every slayer should have at least one good sword, but they can get pretty expensive."

Annie frowned. She saw where Reiner was going with this. Being aligned with the council, Mikasa could probably get all sorts of weapons if she just asked. She didn't seem like she would be willing to ask though. Depending on how deep her distrust and animosity toward the council ran, she might even turn down offered resources.

Offering to arm the very slayer that they planned to kill was a bold move. However, she couldn't deny that it was one that would likely help gain her trust.

Reiner continued on, obliviously confirming her theory. "Me, Annie, and Bertl have several though. It wouldn't hurt for us to give you one."

"We have a horde," Annie corrected, "because you think they're cool."

"So do you," Reiner said.

Annie glanced to the side, but couldn't deny the accusation. Swords were cool. They were effective and felt nice to use, which were the most important qualities in a weapon. That they had an intimidating appearance was only icing on the cake.

"Thank you," Mikasa said. "I'll think about it."

Annie wasn't surprised. The other slayer didn't seem like someone who would accept charity or sincere gifts easily. Of course not. Doing that was a fast track to letting people in. Annie was more than experienced with the steps you take to keep from letting people in, and because Reiner and Bertolt knew Annie, they recognized those steps and knew the exact moves to counteract them.

Mikasa Ackerman really was doomed.

Reiner gave Mikasa a warm smile. "Alright, just let me know what you decide."

With that, he wandered off to rejoin the main group, who were gathering by the club door. Waiting for the stragglers.

Annie sighed and picked up her pace. She reached the rest of the group several moments before Armin and Bertolt, who were a few paces ahead of Mikasa in turn.

"Alright!" Sasha exclaimed. Between her ridiculously wide green and her cheerful orange dress, the girl was practically radiating excitement. It was almost enough to give Annie a headache on the spot. "Everyone ready?"

"It's a club, not a rollercoaster," Jean said. "Calm down."

"She has a point though," Marco said. "It's nice to make sure everyone's ready and actually wants to go in before we do anything." He shot a short, almost imperceptible glance at Annie, Bertolt, Armin, and Mikasa before grinning at the group as a whole.

Lovely. They were being handled with training wheels.

"I'm ready," Mikasa said, short and to the point.

"I'm... kinda nervous, but also kinda excited!" Armin paused for long enough to take in each member of their group as he offered a small grin. "I'll be fine."

"Me too," Bertolt added. "I mean- I'm not the most social person around, but I'm not going to get overwhelmed or anything."

Annie sighed. "Let's get on with it."

She stepped ahead of everyone and pushed open the door without waiting for a response.

Annie's senses were immediately assaulted by a combination of bright, multi-colored lights, the scent of sweat and something sweet, and the loud pulse of techno music trying to drown out all the noise. The last factor was the dominant one. If she'd thought it was loud outside the club, that was nothing compared to the inside. This was the sort of place where you had to scream to be heard.

She didn't realize that she'd frozen until a heavy hand landed on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" Reiner asked. Shouted.

"Yeah," Annie said, voice straining from even just the short response.

He nodded, seemingly content. As he turned around to go back to his conversation with Connie and Jean, Annie noticed Bertolt giving her a concerned look. She shook her head, sending him a glance that tried to convey 'I'm fine'. The frown on his face suggested that he didn't quite buy it, but he didn't come over and fret over her either, which was something.

"We should get a table," Sasha called over the clamor of the music.

"Good idea," Marco remarked.

With that, the night set into motion. The group found a table and lingered for a little while before starting to split off. Some to get drinks, some to dance; even Bertolt and Armin eventually let Reiner and Jean prod them into heading out. It seemed like there was something for everyone to do.

Everyone but Annie and Mikasa.

It wasn't that they had been intentionally forgotten or excluded. They had been invited to go get to the bar, go dance, or even just wander around the club when Sasha announced that she wanted to go "people spotting". The slayers were the ones who had turned down every invitation.

Now that she thought about it, Annie realized that it had seemed like it came as automatically to Mikasa as it had to her. That impulse to turn away anything that could potentially distract from the ultimate goal.

Except Mikasa's ultimate goal was, presumably, her calling. And Annie's...

...Annie's goal wouldn't be furthered if she just sat there doing nothing. However, it was also hard to do much of anything with all of the noise. It was loud to an average human. To the enhanced senses of a slayer, it was absolutely ridiculous. It may be true that a vampire's hearing was even better than that of a slayer, but she had absolutely no clue how Bertolt and Reiner were able to shoulder their way through it. For her, there was no ignoring how it put her teeth on edge.

One long, thoughtful look at Mikasa revealed that it was probably the same for her.

Which made it an opportunity.

Annie stood up and gently grabbed hold of Mikasa's wrist. "Come on," she said, already tugging her forward.

Mikasa hesitated, and for a moment, Annie thought she might resist. Then she stepped forward and fell into pace with her.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Somewhere quieter," Annie replied.

Indeed, it grew quieter as they approached the back of the club. A series of semi-private loveseats and more-exposed couches littered the back wall. When they sat down on one, Annie was pleased to find that the noise had been cut down by roughly half. It was still loud, but no longer bordered  on unbearable.

"How did you know that would work?" Mikasa asked, her eyes glimmering in a way that almost made Annie think she might be impressed.

"I've been in places like this before," Annie lied. It wasn't a difficult one to pull off when one of her closest "friends" was so social. At that moment, she was actually grateful for Reiner's demeanor. There was no reason to suspect that he was almost as new to doing things like this as her.

Telling the truth, that she was just familiar with building design, would turn into a much more complicated lie as she scrambled to explain why. So many things about her would, if she let them be known.

Mikasa gave a brief nod. "Thank you," she said.

"No problem," Annie replied. "But I have to ask-" she didn't, but there was a little ember of curiosity burning within her now, pushing her to find an answer. And it was harmless enough that she was willing to give in to the impulse. "-why did you come here? It didn't look like you were excited even before you got in."

"I could say the same to you," Mikasa said.

"Reiner pestered me into it," was Annie's easy response.

Mikasa paused for a moment, a thoughtful look flickering across her face. At that moment, for no reason that she could put a finger on, Annie wished that she knew what it meant.

"Armin and I made a deal," she eventually said. "I'd go if he would."

It was an answer, but one that only made Annie more curious. She furrowed her brow and was in the process of deciding if she wanted to ask more questions when laughter bubbled up from a loveseat a few yards down. It was soft, but happiness made it louder, just loud enough for a slayer to catch it over the weakened cacophony of the music.

The laughter carried a snippet of conversation with it. And with it, a name.

"Ymir, you are-"

Annie's eyes narrowed at the same second that Mikasa went stiff. 

They were both on their feet in an instant. Gentle laughter still echoed from the direction of the voice. A quick glance was exchanged, and Mikasa began prowling in the direction the voice had come from, Annie following a few paces behind.

They were led to one of the loveseats, its tall, curved sides providing the occupants some semblance of privacy from the rest of the club. As she peered in, Mikasa's eyes widened, a faint sprinkle of pink coming to brush her cheeks.

Annie didn't stop to absorb it before looking for herself.

It was Ymir alright. She had no trouble recognizing the vampire who had so gleefully taunted them - even though her face was half-obscured by the blonde girl she was kissing.

And kissing.

And kissing.

The girl gasped as Ymir began to kiss off the girl's lips, along her jawline, and down her neck.  When the vampire nuzzled against the crook between her neck of shoulder, however, she erupted into another round of giggles. Her eyes fluttered open... and immediately landed on the pair of slayers staring blankly at her and her partner.

A number of different things proceeded to happen within the next instant. The girl pressed herself against the back of the loveseat with a surprised yelp. Ymir turned to face them, agitation flashing in her eyes. Mikasa's jaw went a little slack. And Annie's own eyes widened as she recognized the girl who'd been making out with Ymir as Krista Lenz, the girl who was likely kindest, warmest, and all-around best person in Paradis Community College.

Annie and Mikasa exchanged a glance. No words were exchanged; they didn't need any. People like Krista tended to attract vampires with sadistic streaks like moths to a flame. If Ymir was playing with her like this, then Krista was in grave danger.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Ymir groaned.

"Let her go, Ymir," Mikasa growled. Her hand was already creeping toward her purse. It was relatively small, but Annie would be willing to bet that she'd still found a way to stash a stake in there.

"Or what?" Ymir asked, voice heavy and eyes dark.

"Ymir," Krista hissed, reaching forward to grip the vampire's arm.

Ymir glanced at the blonde, and through some trick of the light, Annie almost thought she saw her expression soften for a heartbeat.

"Look," Ymir said, looking back at them with a sigh. "Unless walks in the cemetery are your height of romance, I don't crash your date nights. Return the favor and stay out of mine."

"Date night?" Annie parroted.

At the same time, Mikasa said, "that's not going to happen."

"I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding," Krista piped up. She shifted forward a little before sitting up straighter, her voice and expression containing a whisper of something Annie had never detected from her before. It was like glimpsing a flicker of steel while rooting through a bundle of cotton. "I'm not here against my will. Ymir is my girlfriend."

Girlfriend. There was another thing that she wouldn't have guessed about Krista. However, it was something that was far less important than who said girlfriend happened to be.

"She's using you," Mikasa said. That earned her dark looks from both her and Annie, but Mikasa continued. "You're in danger if you let yourself be alone with her. She has- a history-"

"I know that she's a vampire," Krista said, voice flat and blunt.

Mikasa's mouth closed with a click. Meanwhile, Annie found herself staring.

Krista knew? Sweet, innocent, perfect Krista knew that Ymir was a vampire and was dating her?

She supposed it wasn't impossible. After all, Annie was a slayer and she was working with two vampires. But there were special circumstances surrounding her, Reiner, and Bertolt. They had good incentive not to hurt her, the very same incentive that drove her not to stake them. Besides, they couldn't afford to turn on each other.

This was different. It was possible that naivety was driving Krista to put too much trust in Ymir, but what could possibly keep Ymir from turning on Krista?

Mikasa and Annie reached the same conclusion at the same time, but Mikasa beat her to the punch. "She's going to kill you, she just wants to gain your trust first."

Annie nodded and forced herself not to react to Mikasa's statement beyond that.

"Really? And you think she'd keep that con up for over two years?" Krista asked, a hint of bitterness and anger sinking into her sweet years.

Annie couldn't help but falter. "Two years?" Even for an especially sadistic vampire, spending that much time on a betrayal con was... weird. It wasn't impossible though; she'd heard of vampires who spend upwards of half a decade tormenting a specific victim. If that was all, she probably would have recovered fairly quickly.

The thing that made her hesitation stick was the flash of passion in Ymir's eyes. "I would never hurt Krista," she growled.

"You're a vampire," came Mikasa's automatic response.

"So?" Ymir retorted. As she spoke, she subtly shifted to cover Krista. As if Annie and Mikasa were the threat. "Just because I don't have a soul doesn't mean I can't love."

Annie pursed her lips. This, she knew, was true to an extent. Vampires had things that they liked. When they liked a person enough, it was possible for that like to grow into care . And sometimes, once in a blue moon, one was even capable of love. Or something close to it. It was selective and selfish, not quite love as humans thought of it, but for a vampire, it was a lot. 

But it was rare. It was even rarer for the vampire to be able to set their innate selfishness aside enough to not kill or turn a human who had become the target of their affection, let alone for a human to be able to tolerate their love. Never mind reciprocate it.

And yet Ymir was implying...

Annie didn't know what to think.

Mikasa didn't look like she did either. However, her expression was settling into something along the lines of disbelief, which seemed to give her the fire she needed to continue. "It doesn't matter if you do or don't," she said. "You've been killing people. "

"No, she hasn't!" Krista cried, wriggling out from behind Ymir.

"You expect us to believe that?" Annie asked. She forced herself to keep her face placid and didn't dare glance at Mikasa.

"Krista, " Ymir hissed.

"You need to have this conversation eventually," Krista said, conviction in her tone. "It should have been the first thing you told the slayers. 

Annie all but felt Mikasa stiffen beside her.

Krista's eyes were hard in a way that Annie had assumed her incapable of when she looked back at the slayers. "Ymir doesn't kill people," she said. "She gets her blood from the butcher."

"You called yourself the biggest fish," Mikasa abruptly piped up, looking at Ymir.

"Yeah, because I'm the strongest vamp you'll find around here," Ymir said. "It doesn't mean I'm responsible for everything that goes wrong."

Annie scowled and turned her gaze to Krista. "You can't believe her," she said, even though she found that she did. She argued because she believed it, lest Mikasa start believing it and look for another target. "She's a vampire."

"I don't care, " Krista ground out. "She's a vampire who's been by my side for nearly three years, and I would trust her with my life. I don't know why people have been disappearing lately, but it isn't her. "

"She's still a vampire," Mikasa said. "We can't-"

"You can," Krista cut in with a hiss. "She isn't hurting anyone, so you should leave her alone. Or you'll have to go through me as well."

"That doesn't sound like much of a challenge," Annie remarked.

"Krista..." Ymir shot her girlfriend an alarmed look, leaned toward her-

And abruptly lashed her leg out, knocking Annie into Mikasa.

"...Let's get out of here."

It only took a few seconds for Mikasa and Annie to regain their balance and disentangle from each other. However, in those few seconds, Ymir managed to scoop Krista up in her arms and disappear into the crowd.

Mikasa moved to take off, but Annie quickly grabbed her arm. "Look at the crowd," she murmured. "They aren't going to stick around, and we won't be able to catch them before they can get out. Going after them will only cause panic."

A few tense seconds passed. When she felt Mikasa's muscles begin to relax, Annie dropped her arm back down to her side.

"...I may have to ask Reiner about that sword after all," Mikasa murmured.

[sebastianshaw]

RP memes from "The Neverending Story" by Michael Ende

When it comes to controlling human beings there is no better instrument than lies.

The power to manipulate beliefs is the only thing that counts.

Nothing is lost. . .Everything is transformed.

There are many kinds of joy, but they all lead to one: the joy to be loved.

You wish for something, you've wanted it for years, and you're sure you want it, as long as you know you can't have it.

Once someone dreams a dream, it can't just drop out of existence. But if the dreamer can't remember it, what becomes of it?

You must let what happens, happen.

Everything must be equal in your eyes, good and evil, beautiful and ugly, foolish and wise.

Strange as it may seem, horror loses its power to frighten when repeated too often.

If you stop to think about it, you’ll have to admit that all the stories in the world consist essentially of twenty-six letters.

There were thousands and thousands of forms of joy in the world, but that all were essentially one and the same, namely, the joy of being able to love.

Only the right name gives beings and things their reality. A wrong name makes everything unreal.

Wishes cannot be summoned up or kept away at will. They come from deeper within us than good or bad intentions. And they spring up unannounced.

Without a past you can't have a future.

Human passions have mysterious ways, in children as well as grown-ups. Those affected by them can't explain them, and those who haven't known them have no understanding of them at all.

Some think their only hope of happiness lies in being somewhere else, and spend their whole lives traveling from place to place.

Some people risk their lives to conquer a mountain peak. No one, not even they themselves, can really explain why.

It's growing and growing, there's more of it every day, if it's possible to speak of more nothing.

You don't feel a thing. There's just something missing. And once it gets hold of you, something more is missing every day.

A story can be new and yet tell about olden times.

The past comes into existence with the story.

What I've started I must finish. I've gone too far to turn back. Regardless of what may happen, I have to go forward.

There are many kinds of delusion.

Who knows what use they’ll make of you?

Maybe you’ll help them to persuade people to buy things they don’t need, or hate things they know nothing about, or hold beliefs that make them easy to handle, or doubt the truths that might save them.

He has forgotten everything.

Maybe all the people who say ghosts don't exist are just afraid to admit that they do.

My will can control anything that’s empty.

You must live your story.

A person’s reason for doing someone a good turn matters as much as the good turn itself.

When a person is only half an ass like me, and not a complete one, she senses certain things.

It means that you must do what you really and truly want.

What I really and truly want? What do you mean by that?

It's your own deepest secret and you yourself don't know it.

To be wise was to be above joy and sorrow, fear and pity, ambition and humiliation.

They look like good, strong hands.

The human world is full of weak-minded people, who think they're as clever as can be.

She is the only one who can never set foot in this place.

He never stopped believing in mysteries and miracles.

When you know as much as we do, nothing matters.

Things just repeat.

The world is empty and aimless.

Everything circles around.

Whatever starts up must pass away,whatever is born must die.

It all cancels out, good or bad, beautiful or ugly.

Oh, nothing can happen more than once, but all things must happen one day.

Without memory how will you ever find your way back to where you came from?

With them the individual counted for nothing.

He's a good old sort. If only he weren't plumb crazy!

Even when I was caught in the web, I didn't give up hope.

She keeps needing new names.

She needs a new name.

What he had hoped for was his ruin and what he had feared his salvation.

One night I saw the moon, shining so big and round, and I tried to grab it out of the sky.

You ask me what you will be there. But what are you here?

You’ll be unrecognizable.

They will become delusions in the minds of human beings, fears where there is nothing to fear, desires for vain, hurtful things, despairing thoughts where there is no reason to despair.

You’d really set a hungry werewolf free?

Nobody would be safe from me.

Like all true transformations, it was as slow and gentle as the growth of a plant.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP memes from "The Neverending Story" by Michael Ende

When it comes to controlling human beings there is no better instrument than lies.

The power to manipulate beliefs is the only thing that counts.

Nothing is lost. . .Everything is transformed.

There are many kinds of joy, but they all lead to one; the joy to be loved.

You wish for something, you've wanted it for years, and you're sure you want it, as long as you know you can't have it.

Once someone dreams a dream, it can't just drop out of existence. But if the dreamer can't remember it, what becomes of it?

You must let what happens, happen.

Everything must be equal in your eyes, good and evil, beautiful and ugly, foolish and wise.

Strange as it may seem, horror loses its power to frighten when repeated too often.

If you stop to think about it, you’ll have to admit that all the stories in the world consist essentially of twenty-six letters.

There were thousands and thousands of forms of joy in the world, but that all were essentially one and the same, namely, the joy of being able to love.

Only the right name gives beings and things their reality. A wrong name makes everything unreal.

Wishes cannot be summoned up or kept away at will. They come from deeper within us than good or bad intentions. And they spring up unannounced.

Without a past you can't have a future.

Human passions have mysterious ways, in children as well as grown-ups. Those affected by them can't explain them, and those who haven't known them have no understanding of them at all.

Some think their only hope of happiness lies in being somewhere else, and spend their whole lives traveling from place to place.

Some people risk their lives to conquer a mountain peak. No one, not even they themselves, can really explain why.

It's growing and growing, there's more of it every day, if it's possible to speak of more nothing.

You don't feel a thing. There's just something missing. And once it gets hold of you, something more is missing every day.

A story can be new and yet tell about olden times.

The past comes into existence with the story.

What I've started I must finish. I've gone too far to turn back. Regardless of what may happen, I have to go forward.

There are many kinds of delusion.

Who knows what use they’ll make of you?

Maybe you’ll help them to persuade people to buy things they don’t need, or hate things they know nothing about, or hold beliefs that make them easy to handle, or doubt the truths that might save them.

He has forgotten everything.

Maybe all the people who say ghosts don't exist are just afraid to admit that they do.

My will can control anything that’s empty.

You must live your story.

A person’s reason for doing someone a good turn matters as much as the good turn itself.

When a person is only half an ass like me, and not a complete one, she senses certain things.

It means that you must do what you really and truly want.

What I really and truly want? What do you mean by that?

It's your own deepest secret and you yourself don't know it.

To be wise was to be above joy and sorrow, fear and pity, ambition and humiliation.

They look like good, strong hands.

The human world is full of weak-minded people, who think they're as clever as can be.

She is the only one who can never set foot in this place.

He never stopped believing in mysteries and miracles.

When you know as much as we do, nothing matters.

Things just repeat.

The world is empty and aimless.

Everything circles around.

Whatever starts up must pass away,whatever is born must die.

It all cancels out, good or bad, beautiful or ugly.

Oh, nothing can happen more than once, but all things must happen one day.

Without memory how will you ever find your way back to where you came from?

With them the individual counted for nothing.

He's a good old sort. If only he weren't plumb crazy!

Even when I was caught in the web, I didn't give up hope.

She keeps needing new names.

She needs a new name.

What he had hoped for was his ruin and what he had feared his salvation.

One night I saw the moon, shining so big and round, and I tried to grab it out of the sky.

You ask me what you will be there. But what are you here?

You’ll be unrecognizable.

They will become delusions in the minds of human beings, fears where there is nothing to fear, desires for vain, hurtful things, despairing thoughts where there is no reason to despair.

You’d really set a hungry werewolf free?

Nobody would be safe from me.

Like all true transformations, it was as slow and gentle as the growth of a plant.

[mst3kproject]

The Star Wars Holiday Special

Happy Holidays, MSTies!  Your present is Episodes that Never Were are back!  Remember last year, when I said Elves was so bad I wished I’d watched the Star Wars Holiday Special instead?  Let’s find out what those words taste like.

The galaxy may be in the midst of a rebellion, but Chewbacca promised his family he will be back for Life Day, and god damn it, he’s gonna get there!  He and Han Solo dodge Imperial forces and asteroid fields on the way, but the real danger may be waiting for them at home, as Stormtroopers do a treehouse-to-treehouse search for rebel sympathizers.  It won’t be much of a holiday if Chewie arrives home only to be immediately arrested!

That sounds exciting, doesn’t it?  It even sounds like it could be made to mean something. There is perhaps a point here about inter-ethnic empathy – Life Day may be a Wookiee holiday, but Chewbacca’s alien friends still know how important it is to him and they’re gonna help him keep his promise.  We could also compare it to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.  In that movie, the Martians want to celebrate Christmas but aren’t particularly interested in what it means.  They get all their information about it from pirated television and from children who don’t understand anything much more than ‘free stuff’.  We didn’t give Christmas to them, they literally stole it by kidnapping Santa.  In the Holiday Special, the Wookiees are sharing their cultural traditions with outsiders who have become part of their family – Leia’s speech at the ends notes the humans’ respect for this.

But none of that’s relevant, because this is just a bad 70’s variety hour in a Star Wars costume.  We don’t get to see claustrophobic scenes of our brave heroes hiding from the Storm Troopers.  We don’t get sweeping space battles or bickering robots or weird new planets… we don’t get anything we go to see Star Wars for.  Instead, we mostly watch the Wookiees sitting around their house passing the time as they wait helplessly for Chewbacca to get home.  This could have been neat in itself if Wookiees had an interesting culture, but they live in a Mod 70’s Treehouse and seem to spend most of their time watching television.  The brief opening sequence, in which Solo and Chewie outrun their pursuers in the Millennium Falcon, is just a tantalizing offer of chocolate on the tip of a giant turd.

The actual point of the show, as far as the people who produced it were concerned, was the various little musical numbers and comedy sequences along the way, some of which are more Star Wars-themed than others.  Most of these are presented as one or other of the characters watching them on some form of television, which often doesn’t make any sense.  The sequences themselves are usually not very well-presented and a lot of them are just downright boring, so let’s go through them one by one. Top up your eggnog, folks.  We may be here a while.

Our first setpiece is a holographic circus featuring jugglers and acrobats, which the adults use to distract Lumpy so he’ll stop bothering them – like parents at the mall letting their kids watch Paw Patrol on a tablet while they shop.  When you see televised circus acts, they’re usually filmed up close and at interesting angles, to heighten the sense of danger, and give you a good look at what’s going on.  The Star Wars Holiday Special presents it as tiny figures on a table, always shot from far away and looking down, which removes all the drama from the stunts.  Lumpy enlarges a figure, but it’s only the ringmaster.  The others remain tiny, all while this little Wookiee looms over them like a kaiju that will start stomping if it isn’t entertained.

Then we get Mark Hamill’s cameo (in which he looks weirdly like one of the puppets from Invaders from the Deep), followed by Malla’s attempt to cook Bantha Surprise by following the directions on a tv show.  I’m not very interested in cooking shows anyway, but I have a hard time imagining anybody being interested in a fake cooking show featuring fictional ingredients from other planets.  What we see on Malla’s screen comes across as a sort of parody, but not actually a funny one. I’m tempted to think Harvey Korman must have been making fun of some particular 70’s cooking show maven but I don’t begin to know who that might be.

The ‘humour’ of the sequence is supposed to come from Malla’s attempt to follow the directions even though the cook on the show has four arms and Malla only two.  I could pull some commentary on ableism in cooking and cooking shows out of this, but it would be a stretch, and nobody on the writing end was thinking about it that hard.  It’s just stupid, and so is Korman’s plastic wig.  Malla eventually turns it off in frustration, long after we’re tired of listening to it.

By the way, if you’re wondering whose stupid idea it was to set the whole thing on Kashyyyk (or, as a guy in the Special calls it, Kazook) and not have any subtitles to the Wookiee’s dialogue?  That was apparently 100% George Lucas.  The actual script and everything was in the hands of the television producers, but Lucas would not budge on the premise being Wookiee-centric.  At least he exorcised that particular demon here, instead of subjecting us to it on the big screen.

Anyway, next Art Carney drops by to deliver some Life Day presents, among which is the source of our next setpiece: a VR machine which reads Itchy’s mind to present a personalized fantasy!  This takes the form of Diahann Carroll in a sparkly feather wig, singing a song and saying things like “I am your fantasy, experience me!”  The song is okay, I guess, and Carroll has a lovely voice, but what we’re seeing is basically a boring music video.  She’s just standing there on a glittery black background, and we can’t forget that she’s singing to a geriatric Wookiee who is doing the Wookiee equivalent of jacking off to this (emphasized by the appearance of literal little swimmers in part of the sequence!).  The fact that it’s a personal fantasy plucked from his subconscious makes it feel like this was something we weren’t supposed to be privy to, like we’re looking through somebody else’s computer at his girlfriend’s nudes.

Princess Leia (also looking disturbingly puppet-like… are we sure the actual actors appeared in this, and not look-a-likes in heavy makeup?) and C3P0 get their cameo, and then there’s the single actually effective moment in the Special.  This is when we think Han Solo and Chewie are about to arrive home, ending our torment a full hour early, but no, it’s the Storm Troopers!  This bit isn’t fantastic, but it does work.  Then, sadly, we’re on to the next variety act.

This is a holographic music video which Carney shows to the Imperial troops as a demonstration that the device he has brought Malla for Life Day is harmless.  It’s Jefferson Starship moaning out a rock song, in which I can understand at best one word in three.  The visuals are in intense soft-focus that’s probably supposed to be artsy.  The costumes (what I can see of them) aren’t any more Star-Wars-y than anything else bands wore in the 70’s.  And the song sounds like something you’d find in the ‘easy’ setting on Rock Band.  Why does Black Helmet sit there and watch the whole thing when he’s supposed to be searching every house on Kashyyyk/Kazook for rebel sympathizers?

The version of the Special currently available on YouTube, which tragically lacks the commercials, has a lot of comments along the lines of this is what you hallucinate after buying Death Sticks from that guy on Coruscant.

To drive the point home, the next thing we see is Lumpy watching a cartoon about Han Solo and Chewbacca crash-landing on an ocean planet while searching for a mystical talisman that makes things invisible (I wish they hadn’t actually shown this object – then I could have made jokes about it being the One Ring).  This sequence is generally regarded as the best thing in the Special, and it introduced Boba Fett and provided some characterization for him.  It is definitely true that this is the only segment with a plot, and with its weird aliens and grubby outposts it feels a lot more like Star Wars than anything else going on here.

The main thing that keeps me from enjoying this segment is that it just looks weird.  The animators use exaggerated squash-and-stretch on the droids, even more so than on the living characters, which makes them look like they’re made out of jell-o. Princess Leia looks like something out of a cheap 60’s manga and Luke like he was drawn by a twelve-year-old based on an action figure that wasn’t actually of Luke Skywalker.  Luke has no pupils, which is very distressing, but not as distressing as when C3P0 blinks.  Even worse, as far as I can tell Han Solo has no eyes at all.

The design of the alien planet in this sequence is pretty cool, though.  It appears to be entirely covered in a kind of goopy ocean and the creatures that live in it are neat-looking, even if not terribly plausible.  Animation is really a great medium for fantasy and science fiction, because it levels the playing field: we’re not thinking about the special effects because everything on screen looks equally unreal.  This is something Disney, who used it to such beautiful effect in Lilo and Stitch, totally forgot at just about the same time as they acquired the rights to Star Wars.  Oh, for what could have been.

I want to note here that the average review on this blog is about as long as what you’ve read so far.  We’re only about two thirds of the way through the Special, though, and I can’t really divide a holiday review up into two weeks.  Therefore, consider this your permission to take a break and go snag another latke or whatever you’re snacking on, and then we’ll continue.

There’s one fun bit of background social commentary in the animated sequence, too: the only way for humans to survive the virus is to hang them upside-down so their brains will get enough oxygen despite their weakened hearts.  In the city there’s an advertisement for the cure – and the upside-down human pictured in the ad is, of course, a woman in her underwear.  The image isn’t detailed and it’s not the focus of the shot, so I don’t think it’s an actual piece of gratuitous cheesecake.  Apparently somebody at Nelvana Ltd was just salty about the advertising industry.

The self-contained story in the cartoon makes sense within itself. It justifies Fett’s fearsome reputation far better than anything in The Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi, and the characters seem to be in-character even when they’re off-model.  The problem is with it as a part of the framing story about the Imperial troops searching Chewbacca’s house!  The Special is very explicit that this is not something that’s actually happening in the real world at the same time as the other events – it is a cartoon Lumpy is watching on TV.  Why, in a galaxy controlled by the Empire, would there be cartoons using the real names of real rebel operatives and presenting them as the heroes?  If nobody’s supposed to know Boba Fett is connected with the Empire, why does the show blow his cover?

More importantly, where can I get one of those awesome giant stuffed Banthas Lumpy has in his room?  I don’t know if that’s a real toy that was available in the late 70’s, but Comic Images does make something similar and you can buy them at Wal-Mart or Toys R Us.

While cleaning up the mess the Stormtroopers made of his room, Lumpy watches an instructional video of how to put together some kind of radio. This features Harvey Korman as an android who keeps getting jammed.  Like cooking shows, instructional videos aren’t very interesting unless you’re trying to follow the directions – since we can’t follow the directions, this one is pointless to begin with.  The ‘joke’ is not funny, and lines like “every one of the ten thousand terminals on your circuit breaker module is a different colour” might be amusing when written down but they just don’t work when somebody says them aloud.  Fortunately, it doesn’t last long.

Then we get on to what’s probably the second-best thing in the Special, the bit where we learn that the Mos Eisley cantina is owned by Bea Arthur.  It would be easily the most expensive thing in the Special were it not made up of b-roll footage and re-used puppets from Episode IV.  It’s also kind of got a plot, in that a guy with a baking soda volcano on top of his head (this is certainly an efficient way to get the alcohol directly to your brain) is trying to confess his love to Bea while she just wants to get on with running her business.  Eventually he gets his heart broken and leaves, and then the Empire shuts the bar down, so Bea throws everybody out with a song.

I have to admit, in The Force Awakens when Han Solo mentioned a female friend who ran a ‘watering hole’… there was a moment there when I was half-expecting it to be Bea Arthur’s character.  I’m relieved that it wasn’t, but also just the slightest bit disappointed.  We had to wait for The Mandalorian to get a proper Holiday Special callback.

This bit almost had a chance to say something with its ‘thwarted romance’ plot.  Usually such a thing in a tv show would get what the male character would consider a happy ending.  He would prove to his love interest that being cared for is important, she would realize that love is better than money, and they would metaphorically ride off into the sunset.  What it looks like we’re going to get here instead is something more like the episode of South Park where Butters fell in love with the Hooters waitress. Harvey Korman’s character (yes, he plays three different characters in this Special and this was apparently supposed to be a selling point) realizes his crush is based on a misunderstanding, and while it makes him sad, he’s not going to be an asshole about it.

Nor is Bea’s character vilified for rejecting him, which she does tactfully but firmly, as if she’s gone through this many times before. He’s just a minor annoyance in her day before she goes on to worry about bigger problems, like getting everybody to obey that Imperial curfew.  Then, however, at the last second he pops up from behind the counter after everybody has left – and that’s where the segment ends.  I think we’re supposed to assume they got together after all, but I kind of hope she just threw him out with the rest of them.  No means no, damn it.

Bea Arthur’s Go Home Song is to the tune the Cantina Band was playing in Episode IV, so it pretty much goes without saying it’s the catchiest piece in the Special.

Then, finally, it’s time to celebrate Life Day!  The Wookiees hold up some glowing Christmas balls, then dress in red robes and walk through outer space into a, uh, wormhole, I guess, that takes them to the base of the giant tree from Avatar.  There it’s time for our final setpiece, the culmination of this whole ninety-minute ordeal… Princess Leia sings!  The Life Day Carol is to the tune of the main Star Wars theme, and the lyrics sound like something from a generic Christmas album you get free if you buy three cards at Hallmark.  Carrie Fisher is a decent singer but she looks like she’s as glad this is over as we are.

Much like Howard the Duck, The Star Wars Holiday Special is a production in which they made all the worst decisions they possibly could.  Focusing on the Wookiees at home rather than following Han Solo and Chewbacca through the action killed the whole thing at the starting gate.  Then that plot is nothing but a frame on which they can hang the various variety acts, and none of those are very good.  It’s only towards the end of the sequence that what we’re seeing even has anything to do with Star Wars.  Watching it is an ordeal on the order of an un-riffed Coleman Francis film.  It’s so bad, it’s not even something people get together and watch like they do Manos or The Room.

So why do we still have it?  The Holiday Special was only broadcast once, and was met by fathomless loathing from critics, Star Wars fans, and ordinary people alike. It has never been released in any other format (Andrew Borntreger of badmovies.org has a story about how Lucas had him thrown out of a Q&A panel for asking if it were getting a DVD release), so the fact that you can find it on YouTube today is down to some nameless hero who recorded it on their newfangled VCR back in 1978.  That person then showed it to friends, apparently on the basis of oh my god, you guys, this is so bad, you have to see it, and then because misery loves company they copied it to show to their friends. What we have today is copies of copies of copies of copies, like fragments of Sappho only with VHS artefacts instead of holes in the papyrus (and without the artistic vision).

Humans like to preserve remarkable things.  Sappho we’ve preserved because it’s remarkably good, but the Star Wars Holiday Special we preserve because it’s remarkably bad.  Lucasfilm has tried very hard to stamp it out.  George Lucas himself has said that if he could he would gather up every copy that exists and smash them with a sledgehammer… but we won’t let him do it. We keep copying the Special and passing it along, in a way that’s very familiar to MSTies in particular.  We’re circulating the tapes!  Why this tape in particular?

I don’t claim to know, but my working theory is that it keeps us humble.  We are a species that can produce great things when we put our minds to it.  We landed on the moon.  We eradicated smallpox.  We built the Taj Mahal and the Sagrada Familia.  We wrote The Romance of the Three Kingdoms and the Einstein Field Equations and the aforementioned works of Sappho.  But for all that, we are also capable of throwing the same kind of effort into creating utter disasters – and the Star Wars Holiday Special is the rare example of an unmitigated disaster that didn’t actually hurt anybody.  It reminds us to take a step back and look at what we’re doing without getting too invested in it, but does so while being harmless and at times humorous.

Would I still rather watch this than Elves?  You bet your shaggy Wookiee ass I would.  The Star Wars Holiday Special may be longer, but it doesn’t leave nearly such a bad taste in my mouth.

I will leave you with this: the Special was, as I mentioned, only broadcast once, in 1978 – that means its signal is now forty-one light years from Earth and still going.  There are several hundred stars within that bubble, around two dozen of which are known to have planets.  Somewhere out there, aliens might be getting their first signal from humanity right now and it’s the Star Wars Holiday Special.

[chicagocityofclans]

Helo Adama → Dylan O'Brien → Rat Animal Shifter

→ Basic Information 

Age: 28

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight 

Born or Made: Born 

Birthday: August 1st

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Religion: Deism 

→ His Personality Helo personality is most accurately described as intelligent, hyperactive, and curious. He is a notorious bookworm who excels at piecing together clues and figuring out mysteries. Helo enjoys puzzles and acts as the main IT guy for the pack in order to gain information and evidence regarding the threats that they face. For this reason, his intelligence is his greatest strength within the pack and has either given them an advantage or has outright saved them in multiple situations. He is slow to trust people, but once he warms up to them and the person gains his trust, he becomes very close to them and will do whatever he has to do in order to protect them and ensure their safety. Because of his hyperactiveness, Helo can often become so overwhelmed by trauma that he both physically and verbally lashes out at those around him. Despite his increasingly violent reactions to bad news, he is a very loyal person who would do anything to protect his loved ones, even if it means giving up his life to do so. 

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Full Time Head of CTRL

Scars: None

Tattoos: Matching Tetris Pieces with Hanna 

Two Likes: Technology and Amazon

Two Dislikes: Best Buy and LEGO

Two Fears: Blackouts and Losing Hard Drive Data

Two Hobbies: Videos Games and Role-Playing 

Three Positive Traits: Outspoken, Sarcastic, Clever

Three Negative Traits: Long-Winded, Awkward, Arrogant

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Graeme Adama (Father): Graeme is Helo’s number one fan and motivator. Graeme has always had an active role in Helo’s life, whether it was reading him Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings before bed as a child or helping him build foundations for CTRL as an adult. Graeme has taken time off from RED and joined Helo on CTRL after the Underground attack. Nick has been pushing for Graeme's return and Helo has been pushing to find a way to help RED win some leeway Underground. He wants his father to return with some type of advantage. 

My Bellarose Adama (Mother): My Bellarose seems like a character from a book that Helo’s has not read yet. Everything about his mother is perfect enough to be unreal or made up by an exquisite writer. She can do no wrong in his eyes. She is currently teamed with BOND and SKIN. Helo has no idea how she jungles Graeme, work and their family but somehow it all gets done and more. Helo is happy she has taken a liking to Hanna, just like the rest of their family. 

Sibling Names:

Radak Adama (Brother): Radak is Helo’s older brother. They are complete opposites of each other but surprisingly get already well. Radak has never been into technology or science fiction/fantasy. Radak joined BOND in order to travel and get away from Chicago, he always wanted to see the world and learn about different cultures and languages. When Radak is home he usually works on SKIN. 

Vala Azalea Adama (Sister): Vala is Helo’s older sister. She is one of the RED survivors and has recently celebrated her 30th birthday. She had a mental breakdown recently, feeling unaccomplished and with a shit ton of survivor's guilt. Helo feels absolutely helpless. He has taken to constantly checking on her and is trying to include her in wedding plans to brighten her up. Helo is considering hooking her up with Louis or Achilles to get her spirits up. 

Tahmoh Adama (Brother): Tahmoh is Helo’s little brother. Tahmoh is a 23 year old nerd that has recently joined the ranks of GOLD. Helo is proud of him, knowing he worked hard for the position while attending community college full-time. While Helo had gotten his degree online, Tahmoh rebelled and went to one of the local colleges. Helo was surprised that Nick allowed Tahmoh to attend college. However, it was not until after Tahmoh graduation that Tahmoh was able to tell their family that he was only allowed to attend if he kept an eye out for the Jackals and other shifters who attended college there too. 

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

Hanna Moore (Mate and Fiancee): Hanna and Helo have been dating for 5 years. They met on an online dating app. The first time they met in public, Helo brought Louis with him, thinking it was a scam. Helo and Hanna clicked in person just like they did over the phone; adding Louis as their third party too. 6 months into their relationship, Helo asked Hanna to move and join his pack. A long distance relationship wasn’t hard, but Helo wanted her close and running CTRL, which was still new at the time, was becoming too much to leave for a weekend getaway. Helo does not reject the decision at all and does not think that they are moving too fast. He knows whether he is living until 90 or 400 years old, he wants to share his life with Hanna. Which is why he proposed and they are planning to start a life despite people thinking they will not last or will regret it. In the history of Adama’s there has never been a divorce and there are currently 30 living generations. While Helo does not want to add kids to their equation yet, he does see them there in the far future.

Platonic Connections:

Louis Martin-Rovet (Best Friend): Helo cannot remember when Louis and he became best friends or when they actually met. Every time a question about how they met comes up they both spin an outrageous elaborate story, coming up with it and crazy details as they go along. Despite their obvious age difference, Louis being older than Helo’s parents and maternal grandparents, the two of them might as well be brothers. 

Theo ‘Hibachi’ Easton (Friend): Helo and Hibachi could easily be described as being your typical nerd buddies. Helo was there to help Theo when he needed his Tumblr page set up, and Theo was one of the very small numbers that knew about Helo dating Hannah first. Their friendship is an easy one, where both are simply comfortable being themselves around the other.

Achilles Idris (Friend): Helo really likes Achilles and enjoys having him around. It is hard to believe that Achilles is Jax's older brother. However, this adds to Helo theory that Nick and Jo raising Jax had a large effect on the person he grew up to be. Achilles is currently a part of GOLD and BOND, thus Helo has been seeing a lot of him. It is nice having someone else closer to his age in his inner circle too. 

Ray Hamelin (Associate): When Helo first developed CTRL, he had to implement it into NERVOUS and BOND before CTRL could become official. Helo and Ray formed a professional relationship during that time. Helo has nothing but respect for Ray and the job he does for their pack as a whole.

Jim Montgomery (Unsure): Jim has been coming around more and more often. Helo is unsure as to why but also does not want to find out why either. Helo has been running micro surveillance cameras in and out of the police department for SKIN and is currently working on a credit card system for them. Helo is hoping to match their spending habits to different names the human shifters may have, which could possibly bring a large amount of unknown shifted forms to light.

Ryan Cleirigh (Possible Contact/New Friend): Ryan has an amazing podcast that Helo listens to on his down time or whenever he needs something playing softly in the background and music isn’t cutting it. Helo has joined Ryan a few times for shows as a guest and accompanies Ray whenever he goes too.

Hostile Connections:

Jaxson Idris (Annoyance): Helo and Jax never got along and always clashed with one another. Helo does not know what it is about Jax but the air around Jax always ruffles his feathers and sends him up a wall. Helo has tried in the past to bury the hatchet but it has always come to bite him in the ass. Jax will never receive mercy from Helo or his personal CTRL care; which Helo usually gives to his team members.

Pets:

None

→ History Helo was raised by loving parents and has always had a close relationship with the entire family; including siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. Helo grew up around the supernatural but did not grow up as a typical rat. Helo’s family, the Adama's, have always refused to sleep with tens of thousands of other rats. They enjoy the finer things and as a result, Helo grew up within a separate house which is unlike many of the local rats. While he did not follow in his families by joining GOLD, SKIN or RED, Helo did start his own team called CTRL when he was old enough. That won the approval of both his family and extended family. CTRL is in control of surveillance, tech support, data processing, basic hacking and virtual mapping. They are also in charge of accounting for SUGAR, research and development for BOND, and simple tracking for other teams. → The Present Helo’s love for technology is how he stumbled on an online dating app for supernaturals and how he met Hanna. Hanna was in Fort Wayne, Indiana when they were matched, but the two commuted alternating weekends to make it work. Hanna eventually moved up to Chicago to be with Helo and join his pack. Hanna moved to Chicago only 6 months after meeting face to face for the first time. They celebrated their 5 years anniversary where Helo had proposed to Hanna. They are slowly planning their wedding much to everyone's cringe. A lot of people disapprove but Helo has always known what he wanted, and it has yet to come to bite him in the ass. Helo’s immediate family and his best friend, Louis seem to be the only ones that are in support of how quickly their relationship is moving.

Helo’s to-do-list has been overflowing for CTRL. He is slowly but surely knocking them all out by working overtime and pulling all nighters. Helo is working on big projects for BOND, GOLD, SKIN, RED and CAMO that has taken priority over other projects that he has been handing off to his team members. CTRL is currently without a second which Helo isn’t actively looking for but is willing to consider after missing an important wedding venue appointment.

[harperfinkles]

My Ranking Of Every Barbie Movie

A few months ago I finally decided to watch every barbie in order. When I was a kid I loved barbie movies, but I stopped watching them after Princess & The Popstar came out, and I felt like I’ve been missing out ever since.

Here I present to you: My Ranking Of Every Barbie Movie!

Keep in mind that I’m basing this off of my personal enjoyment of each film, and not by how “good” it is. There are many movies here that are ranked high despite being objectively flawed, as well as there are movies ranked low despite being objectively good. My opinions are also subject to change, especially since some of these I’ve only seen once.

36: Barbie & Her Sisters In A Puppy Chase

This entire movie is a mess. Like most of the barbie & her sisters movies there’s no real plot. The events of this movie only happen because of bad luck, which is never a good way to kick off your movie. I also find barbie to be completely OOC in this movie. Her disorganization and lack of planning is something that isn’t present in any of the sisters movies. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy movies that humanize barbie and give her more flaws but there are way more creative ways to do it. It doesn’t help that her insistence to “keep positive!!!” and “be optimistic :)))” just robs this movie of any meaningful message.

Then after the frustrating mess that is the puppy chase itself, Chelsey STILL wins her dance competition despite the fact that barbie didn’t let her practice, and she cheated by adding her sisters and the horses to the dance. It’s unbelievably stupid. I don’t know how the writers of this movie thought we would buy into that. I’m probably never going to watch this movie again.

35: Barbie Presents Thumbelina

The main reason I don’t like this movie is because of the style of the Twillerbees. Unlike Mariposa (the only other movie that doesn’t have a barbie protagonist) their faces look inhuman in a way that makes it hard to relate to them. I would’ve much preferred if Thumbelina had just gotten the normal barbie face, just her body becoming smaller. Besides that I think the girl whose name I can’t remember is annoying, and I didn’t like Thumbelina’s plan to get on her good side to save their home. Both of their character developments were weak and unbelievable. Then once the parents were convinced to stop demolition the movie lost all of its dramatic tension. This movie isn’t ‘bad’ per say, just completely boring. Not I understand why I never rewatched this as a kid.

34: Barbie In Princess Power

This movie had so much unrealized potential, but fell apart due to its plot that went all over the place. The villain and his frog were extremely annoying, Kera’s friends were completely one note characters, and Dark Sparkle was so petty and unnecessary. The part that pissed me off the most was how Kera’s identity was revealed to everyone. First off Wes was forgiven for this way too easily, despite it completely making me lose what little faith I had in his character, and secondly her parents handled it so casually. It seemed more like she had gotten in trouble for sneaking out to go to a party than her being forced into getting superpowers and using them to fight crime in the city. Plus the animation was absolutely horrible. What is with Mattel and changing barbie’s model every new movie?

I really wish this movie was better. Barbie as a superhero is such an amazing concept, and it makes me sad to see it executed so terribly.

33: Barbie & Her Sisters In The Great Puppy Adventure

Another movie with the most annoying villains possible. They’re the core reason I couldn’t stand watching this. In addition to that I found that the treasure being under the big willow tree was completely predictable from the first ten minutes of the movie. And even though the puppies were quite cute, their voices were so annoying. There are also a few plot holes (if you can call them that) such as the metal detector app (it hurt typing that) and how the girls knew that scaling the wall of the cave would lead to where the elevator lead. Despite this I still liked learning about barbie’s childhood and all of her achievements, though her grandma was quite creepy.

32: Barbie & Her Sisters In A Pony Tale

This movie straight up has no plot. It’s the worst of the sisters movies in that regard. Many chunks of this movie felt like filler (such as the party scene), and the character conflicts were weak and contrived (such as Chelsey and Staci's). One thing that I really liked about this movie is Barbie’s character, but that’s pretty consistent with all the sisters movies that aren’t Puppy Chase. I also found the two french guys very annoying (is there any sisters movie with a good villain?).

31: Barbie: Fairytopia

I feel bad for putting this one so low, especially considering how high my placements of all the sequels are. It feels like information is revealed to quickly at the beginning and the rest of the movie is just boring. Elina is very interesting but she could use a lot more character development. The part about her being bullied for not having wings was relegated to cheesy dialogue and didn’t really amount to anything. Plus the fungi aren’t nearly as funny as they are in Mermaidia.

The main reason I’m not putting it lower is for nostalgia and setting up the rest of the Fairytopia series. Aside from that I also really liked the vibe of the one underwater scene, and the “friends you haven’t met” line was quite good. This movie is just a complete anomaly in the great track record of early barbie movies. You honestly don’t even need to watch it to understand the sequels.

30: Barbie: A Perfect Christmas

As a musical this movie really sucks. The only song that I actually liked was barbie’s one solo, and even her singing voice there really didn’t sound like her. There’s really no plot to this movie, but I did find myself enjoying the dynamic of the sisters a lot more than the other sisters movies (even though Skipper’s Arc with the concert came out of nowhere and stressed me out). The way Santa’s magic was shoehorned into the story really bothered me though.

29: Barbie Video Game Hero

The best thing about this movie is definitely the side characters. They all had nice designs and personalities, especially Bella and Chris. The concept of this movie is also so creative and fun that I actually enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. I liked it mostly during the first two levels as well as the bonus one, but the last two really soiled it for me. The fact that there’s an open world game with no clear way to win makes no sense in the context of the rest of the game, and the Just Dance advertisements are absolutely cringey. This movie has a strong beginning but really falls behind in the second half. The last scene of the movie really made me want to rip my eyes out.

28: Barbie: Spy Squad

This movie really suffers from not getting the audience to care. The characters aren’t developed enough in the opening and the way the girls got their jobs as spies seemed too easy. The storyline felt too straightforward, and even the plot twist at the end was kind of cheap.

Despite this I still really enjoyed many parts of this film. For one the animation is amazing. I loved the character designs, especially Patricia’s. Speaking of her, I thought she was a pretty good villain, even if she was a little cheesy and her ‘redemption’ arc was very clumsy. I also thought Lazlo was sweet. A lot of modern barbie movies only go halfway with the romance because they don’t want to be seen as bad role models for girls, and a lot of the times the Ken characters just seem unnecessary. I thought it was a good idea to have him be the “love interest” of a non barbie character so his inclusion doesn’t feel useless, even if they never actually got together. It was also just really fun to see all the spy technology.

27: Barbie: The Princess And The Popstar

The placing of this movie is extremely unfortunate since I actually really liked Tori and Kiera’s characters. They both had spunk and I really like the tropes of the roundy princess and the celebrity who doesn’t find satisfaction in fame. The reason this movie is so low comes down to the terrible plot. It felt like they were trying too hard to make it similar to the Princess & The Pauper even though Tori and Kiera’s characters would much better suit a different plotline. The villains were just insanely frustrating and had such unclear motivations. The songs were also pretty bad (other than Here I Am), the Ken character is annoying, and the climax has barely any emotional weight since it wasn’t led up to properly. But hey, at least Tori/Kiera is a high quality ship. If it wasn’t for their relationship this movie would be much lower.

26: Barbie: A Fashion Fairytale

I love the set up for barbie’s character in this movie. She’s just been fired for the first time, Ken broke up with her, and she feels like her life is falling apart. She really reached a new layer of dimension with this movie, and she’s the best barbie as herself character in all of the movies. My main problem is the boring plotline with the flairies. Their character’s aren’t interesting and what they do to the clothing isn’t anything special. This movie also suffers from the boring villains. Barbie’s character is my main reason for liking this movie, along with the Ken plotline, even if it could be quite contrived.

25: Barbie: Star Light Adventure

This is a very weird movie. I had completely different reactions to it during the two times I saw this movie. The first time I thought it was very disappointing. The title said “adventure” so I was very surprised when the characters spent most of the movie training in the same location and we barely got to see any cool new locations. The pace was also extremely slow, especially near the beginning. The second time I started to appreciate the movie for what it is. The animation is absolutely stunning and I love what we saw of the creatures in this universe. Sa-Lee is definitely one of my favourite side characters, and the rest of the team was pretty cool too.

They also added a bunch of new things that I think are very unique to this movie. For instance I loved that barbie’s had telekinesis. She definitely needs more superpowers in future movies. I also liked that we got to see her parents.

My main gripe with this movie has to be Constantine. He was annoying for no reason and I think the movie would’ve benefitted from either having him be nicer and more of a character arc, or having him be a full villain who’s using the team for personal gain.

24: Barbie: Mariposa & The Fairy Princess

As a sequel this movie sucks. It doesn’t cover the same themes as the first movie, we don’t get Elina telling the story, the stakes are nowhere near the height as the first one was, and the characters in the first movie don’t get nearly enough screentime. Willa and Carlos’s part in this movie was underwhelming, but I’m especially annoyed by the fact that Rayna and Rayla weren’t even mentioned once. This all probably would’ve been different had the movie been made closer to the original, and I’m extremely confused as to why they waited to make it in 2013.

However if you disassociate it with the first movie it becomes way more enjoyable. I thought Catania was sweet and lowkey ship her with Mariposa (though it still doesn’t compare to the Mariposa/Carlos/Willa OT3). The crystal fairies themselves were an interesting addition to the universe and their designs were really pretty (I actually wish I was still into barbie at the time it was released just so I could’ve got some of the dolls). The increase in animation quality was also a plus. I’m also so happy that after the first movie Mariposa started running a library. It was such a natural progression in her character arc and it’s so perfect. There are still a lot of problems, such as a villain who feels utterly disconnected from the main story, clumsiness and miscommunication being repeatedly used as plot devices, and the annoyingness that are the puffballs. I’m still glad this movie happened and if you liked the first movie you should definitely check this one out too.

23: Barbie And The Secret Door

Oh boy is this one a mixed bag. It was actually the first "new” barbie movie that I saw, but it definitely did the trick of making me want to watch the other ones.

On the positive side this movie is so pretty. I love all the bright colours and the designs for Nori and Romy. Speaking of which, they were such great side characters, and an adorable ship! I especially like Romy since she was so funny and adorable. Plus, the “what’s a boy?” comment made me laugh. I thought that the world building aspect of this movie was really interesting, even if the animal designs weren’t the best.

On the negative side, I feel like the music was extremely disappointing. It got less annoying on my second watch through, so maybe I just have to warm up to it. I also feel like the villain was boring. This movie deserved a more serious antagonist, especially since we saw how terribly she affected the fairies and mermaids. I did overall like princess Alexa, but I’m kind of unsure about her arc relating to responsibility. I think a lot of modern barbie princess movies in general just aren’t as interesting as the ones that take place in the past.

22: Barbie: Dolphin Magic

What a cute movie. I loved Isla’s so much! She and Barbie were so adorable together. The dolphin’s themselves were quite cute too.

This is a very feel good movie, and it almost makes you ignore its flaws. The main thing that annoyed me is why couldn’t they just pick up the dolphin and put him back in the ocean? He’s not even that big, and there isn’t much distance that you’d have to walk with him anyway. The plot and villain aren’t that interesting either, and the sisters were sometimes annoying (such as Staci’s broken foot having no weight on the plot, and Treasure being absolute garbage). Barbie also seems a little too perfect in this movie, which isn’t even true for the rest of the sister movies and they’re all way lower on this list. I also laughed a lot when Barbie called Ken her “Friend”, since apparently romance is too inappropriate for a barbie movie. Still, if you ignore this and just watch all the Barbie/Isla scenes, the movie is really good.

21: Barbie: Fairytopia: Magic Of The Rainbow

Being introduced to all the different fairies in this movie was so much fun. I love all their different personalities and designs, especially Glee, Sunburst, and Lumina. Elina grew so much in this movie, and it truly is the perfect ending to the trilogy. The flight of spring was really cool too. The only real flaw this movie has is how clumsily Elina’s magic abilities are added in. It almost seems like she knew how to use it all along, even if we know she didn’t.

Also Dizzle is the worst. And that one apprentice’s wings being the braids in her hair was FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

20: Barbie In Swan Lake

This movie is definitely the most legitimately beautiful barbie movie out there. The colours are so nice, the dancing is so majestic, and I’d want to live in the forest any day. Odette is one of the prettiest barbie characters and I love her wardrobe. This movie also has two of the most iconic villains of my childhood who make me laugh every time I think of them.

Despite this I still don’t think this is nearly as good as everyone makes it out to be. First off, Odette’s character arc as the ‘chosen one’ wasn’t executed believably, and she wasn’t even that interesting. The romance was way too instalove-y for my taste (even Rapunzel had a more believable romance than this). The message of this movie was also really unclear in the Chelsey scenes. Overall it’s a great fairytale that I have lots of nostalgia for, but it doesn’t hold up as well when you really dig into it.

19: Barbie: Fairy Secret

I love how Barbie and Raquelle’s relationship is expanded upon in this movie. In Fashion Fairytale Raquelle’s motivations were confusing and she felt very flat. I love how we got to see them forced to work together despite their hard feelings and eventually come to forgive each other at the end once they got to the root of their issues with each other. It’s the ideal enemies to loversfriends scenario.

This movie is just really fun. Exactly what a barbie movie should be. Barbie’s stylist friends were great, and the Ken parts were pretty funny. I do overall like the worldbuilding, though Gloss Angelos looked way to small to even be classifed as a city, let alone the biggest fairy city in the world. It’s like 90% castle and 10% actual city.

In the end I always wish that Barbie, Raquelle, and Ken remembered what happened to them, and that’s the most frustrating part about this movie.

18: The Barbie Diaries

Despite being made by a completely different studio than the other movies (and having a downgrade in animation quality), this movie really holds up today. There’s a lot going on here, and it makes the plot seem way more complex than any other barbie movie. We also get to see into barbie’s head a lot more than any other barbie as herself movie, what with her fantasies that we got to see visualized. This movie is just the perfect blend of magic and normal life, and even if I do prefer the fantasy based barbie movies, this one will always hold a place in my heart.

17: Barbie And The 12 Dancing Princesses

There really isn’t much to be said about this movie. It’s just plain good. There’s nice music, a good plot, a great villain, a cute cat character, and a girl obsessed with bugs. What more could you want?

The only thing I don’t like is the wedding scene. It seemed quite out of place. Their relationship wasn’t that important to deserve the last few minutes of the movie.

16: Barbie And The Three Musketeers

Barbie sword fighting is all I’ve ever wanted in life. This movie really broke the mold for what barbie could do. Corinne is a great protagonist, and the other musketeers were great too (even if their personalities weren’t developed that much). I love how important their friendship was and how easily Corinne integrated into their group. This movie is super fun and just makes me want to scream “GIRL POWER” from the top of my lungs.

There were still some drawbacks though. The prince was annoying, I got so tired of that one sound effect that keep on repeating over and over again (if you’ve seen the movie you know what I’m talking about), the cat was way too immature, and while the villain was good, he was not subtle at all. The movie still had a solid storyline, and I loved how it ended with the girls going on another adventure. *sigh* If only this movie had a sequel.

15: Barbie: The Pearl Princess

Lumina is one of my favourite barbie protagonists. She just felt human in a way that not many others do (even though she’s technically a mermaid, not human). She was naive, but not stupid. I loved seeing her react to a world she hasn’t seen before. This movie had such a unique approach with her aunt Scylla. Her aunt may have done something completely wrong, and she admits to that, but Lumina doesn’t ignore the way aunt Scylla has cared for her and loved her over the years. She accepts her found family and her biological family at the same time, and lets her have a chance at redemption. In addition to that I really loved Lumina’s pre transformation outfit. It’s my second favourite barbie mermaid outfit next to Nori’s in Mermaidia.

I also liked how much the animals of this movie felt like active members of society, and had intelligence levels equivalent the mermaids. I’ve never really seen that in a barbie movie, at least to this extent. Kuda was a great animal sidekick who really felt like one of Lumina’s true friends. I also like how Spike looked dangerous but was a real softie on the inside.

There are a lot of other elements of this movie that I liked too, like how sweet Fergus was, and his love of botany. I liked the gag about Caligo thinking he’s being poisoned, and being paranoid about which cup he’s gonna drink from. Even if the Ken character wasn’t utilized much, I liked his dolphin friend. My only complaint is that the climax was a little messy, and I didn’t enjoy Caligo as a villain that much.

14: Barbie In A Mermaid Tale 2

This worked very well as a sequel to the original Mermaid Tale. Eris’s return as a villain felt very natural, and this movie continued to have Merliah feel like a genuine teenager with her own dreams and mood swings. The only reason it’s lower than the first one is because the plot isn’t as all encompassing and it doesn’t feel like Merliah’s life has changed as much as it did originally, if that makes sense. The plot also feels a little too fast at times, but the pacing doesn’t affect the movie drastically.

Kylie was a wonderful addition to the cast. She was mean, but you could clearly tell that it came from her insecurities about her own talent. I cannot emphasize how well her conflict with Merliah was developed. I loved their banter at the beginning and how they came to understand each other at the end, to the point where it didn’t matter who won the competition. It’s just.....SO GAY. I love it.

Speaking of which, Fallon and Hadley were both really cute in this movie too, more so than the first one. I just love how little men there are in the Mermaid Tale movies.

13: Barbie: Princess Charm School

Last time I watched this movie a few years ago I absolutely hated it, but after rewatching it again my opinion has completely turned around. The plot of this movie may still be very basic, and the supporting characters, Princess Isla and Hadley, were very one note, but it’s the strength of the Protagonist, Blair, that really makes this movie. I love seeing her determination in an environment she’s not used to, and how selfless she was even when she’s surrounded by selfishness.

Also can we appreciate how dark this movie was? Dame Devin literally MURDERED Blair’s parents in a car accident. It’s not like that hasn’t happened in any other movie, but in this one the tone just feels a lot more jarring.

I really appreciated Delancey’s character development. She seems so cold and unforgiving at the beginning, but as more information is revealed to her she changes for the better. She was raised in such a negative environment and I can’t help but be proud of her. Her friend Portia was also really funny too. I love the “YOU STOLE MY CAKE” scene.

12: Barbie As The Island Princess

Is there anything better than crazy island girl characters who talk to animals? I think not.

I love Ro’s animal family. Azul and Sagi are essentially Ro and Tika’s dads, and it’s adorable. Azul’s peacock sounds are just absolutely ridiculous, and I love it.

The music of this movie was also soooooo good. Words cannot describe how The Rat Song makes me feel inside. On a more serious note, I Need To Know is absolutely perfect. I love the visuals that go along with it. And just when you think it’s over, Ro’s part ends and Prince Antonio comes in AND IT’S SO PERFECT.  Love Is For Peasants is also the best barbie villain song in any movie. “You need to stop reading those books. Filling your head with thoughts!” ICONIC. The soundtrack of this movie isn’t as good when listening to it outside of the context of movie when you compare it to stuff like the Princess And The Pauper, but it’s still really good nonetheless.

The romantic element of this movie was also really good. I think this is the first time on this list that I’ve listed the romance as a positive aspect. Ro and Antonio are just really compatible people who fulfill very essential parts of themselves when they meet. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I also love Tika’s development in regards to their relationship too.

The villain was pretty okay, but I especially love princess Luciana. She may be a romantic rival to Ro, but she’s a victim too, and she’s given a very sympathetic role in the story even if her mother is the villain. Her arc was very satisfying.

11: Barbie In A Christmas Carol

Not really a typical barbie movie to list as one of my favourites, but it’s a christmas essential for me. Having Barbie be Scrooge was a very risky move, but god, did it pay off. Eden was cruel, but her story is so sad. I always feel her fear when her aunt disrupts Catherine’s party. This is definitely another one of the darkest barbie movies.

Also, GHOSTS. Ghosts should have been in more barbie movies. They all had cool concepts and designs, mainly Aunt Marie and the ghost of christmas future.

Catherine was such a joy to see in this movie. She’s a very kind and selfless person, but her friendship to Eden puts her in conflict with that side of herself. Seeing her fulfilling Eden’s role in the vision of the future was actually kind of scary. It makes it all the more satisfying when Eden apologizes to Catherine in the end. I really love their friendship.

Christmas Carol was always one of my favourite christmas tales after I watched the Mickey version, and I think this movie did it justice (thought it was slightly less traumatizing than that, thankfully).

10: Barbie In The Nutcracker

Even though I’ve had a copy of this for the longest time I never really took the time to watch and appreciate it. And now that I have I’ve gotta say that this was a great start to the barbie saga. The producers still hadn’t settled on making barbie movies the way they’re known for now, and you can tell by the lack of female characters and a few of the 2D sequences, but the sense of adventure this movie has is so unlike any movie that came after. And despite the limited resources they had for animating it still ended up looking stunning. They animators had such a good sense of colour, and all the landscapes looked amazing.

Before watching this I always thought that The Magic Of Pegasus had the best (canon) romance of any barbie movie, but now I actually think that this may be better. Clara and Prince Eric have great chemistry and such a believable bond. The last dance scene was amazing and it so was heartbreaking when Clara was sent back to the real world. I love the scene when Eric visits Clara’s house and confirms that it wasn’t all a dream.

Also, I really appreciate Clara’s decision to stay in the magical world. So much media, including barbie movies, puts emphasis on people staying with their family and choosing more stable environments. What writers don’t realize is that that’s boring. We don’t watch movies to learn about people’s normal lives, and I’m so grateful that this story ended the way it did. So yeah, thanks writers.

There were also many scary moments here too. The rock monster is TERRIFYING. Maybe the reason I don’t remember this movie is because the rock monster traumatized me so much I had to repress it. The Mouse King was also quite creepy. I wish newer barbie movies committed to making scary villains like him.

9: Barbie In A Mermaid Tale

I probably have the most nostalgia towards this movie since it was always my sister’s favourite growing up. Now it’s one of the only barbie movies she’ll watch with me other than the sequel. I expected to not enjoy this movie as much since I’d kind of exhausted it by this point, but I guess I surprised myself.

As I mentioned in Mermaid Tale 2, Merliah feels like a genuine teenager. She likes her normal life and hates responsibility. Because of this her arc of deciding to save her people feels so much more genuine and poignant.

The world building of this universe is just so good. The plot with Calissa and Eris was great, and I love the scene where Merliah is picking out a tail. The world just looks so pretty and magical, even if magic doesn’t play a huge role in this film. The soundtrack sets the scene so nicely, and Queen Of The Waves is definitely one of my favourite barbie songs.

8: Barbie In The Pink Shoes

This is definitely a huge unpopular opinion, so I should get all the negatives of this movie out of the way first. The animation of the faces is extremely creepy, Kristin was very irresponsible to decide to change her routine up at the last minute, and she would’ve worked much better as a choreographer than as a dancer. Despite these flaws there’s still something about this movie that makes me love it.

For one, despite the creepy faces, the dancing animations were still pretty good. And even though Kristin’s arc wasn’t the best I still find her final dancing scenes (the one in the ice palace and the one on stage) to be so inspiring. Keep On Dancing is such an amazing song and it gave me chills the first time I heard it. The movie is also quite pretty. The ballet outfits aren’t as traditional as ones in earlier barbie ballets, but they still have flare and nice colours.

The movie is also really funny. It makes fun of the ballets it covers a lot. I love the “you don’t look a day over 16″ part. The two suitors especially, Hilarion and Prince Albrecht, were so funny. I loved how their petty jabs at each other turned into compliments when faced with adversity. Hayley was also pretty funny since she was the realist of the movie.

I think the irl characters were used very nicely in the ballet world, and I liked how when Kristin got back it turned out that everything wasn’t as bad as it seemed before. Tara wasn’t as mean and Madame Natasha wasn’t nearly as scary. That’s one of my favourite tropes in fiction.

7: Barbie & The Diamond Castle

Liana and Alexa are basically a married couple. There is literally no way to refute this. Their arguments are adorable and domestic, and they clearly love each other more than anything in the world. They may have their differences at times but when it comes down to it they know each other more than anyone else does and work together so nicely. Every aspect of their lives is intertwined so much that separation usually isn’t an option for them. My heart broke when they parted since I knew that that was how Lydia would defeat them. I cried when Liana came to Alexa’s rescue, and the movie ending with them going to back to their normal house instead of staying at the diamond castle was beautiful. Truly the best and purest barbie ship.

Now that that’s out of the way let’s talk about everything else. The plot of this movie is so unique. There is no other barbie movie that’s about music itself. The muses and their drama and betrayal with Lydia was so intriguing. Seriously, Lydia was a scary villain. I was terrified of her as a child. Liana and Alexa seemed like they’re helpless against her powers, and it feels all the more victorious when they defeat her. The last fight scene was truly epic.

I really appreciate how little Liana and Alexa care about the two twins. They’re my least favourite part of the movie, and even if they do start working with them later on in the movie it’s made very clear that they don’t care about them at all.

6: Barbie In Rock ‘N Royals

I really didn’t have high expectations for this one. It was after I had watched The Princess And The Popstar and Secret Door, which both gave me a bad feeling about barbie pop musicals. But this movie really came through and made itself my second favourite barbie musical movie, and my sixth favourite overall.

The only thing I disliked was Courtney’s weird facial design. That’s it. The rest of the movie is basically perfect.

The movie started off at a relaxing pace but I was never tricked into thinking it would end that way. I love the Camp Pop vs. Camp Royalty plotline. Finn and Lady Ann seemed simple at first but their past was revealed at the perfect time. Clive was hilarious and him becoming the real villain was executed so well.

Seeing Courtney and Erika react to the camps was a delight. Their friends were so quirky and nice to them, and the camps themselves were pretty fun too (UNICORNS). Them finally meeting at the beach was such a breath of fresh air. I could imagine them becoming great friends in the future (cough sequel cough). Erika was probably my favourite of the two since she just looked really cool and had a more interesting arc. I just love it when two groups of people who have seemingly nothing in common come together to achieve a common goal. Also I have a theory that Sloan and Princess Olivia were in love the whole time, and the competition was the first time they could smile around each other without being ridiculed by their peers.

Now, onto the music. My favourite song is probably Gotta Get To Camp. I was shocked at how good it was. The choreography was also the most interesting since it was the only time the characters spontaneously burst into song. When You’re A Princess is also such a bop.

This is definitely the first movie I’d recommend to any classic barbie fan who wants to try out some of the new ones.

5: Barbie: Mariposa & Her Butterfly Fairy Friends

This is probably the closest to a perfect barbie movie you’ll get. The protagonist is very relatable, the supporting cast is great, everyone has good development, the world is scary yet so fascinating, and the villains are amazing. Also it has a non barbie protagonist. Having Elina narrate the story was such a great decision. Mariposa really sticks out in the long list of barbie protags. Her transformation scene near the end was so great. It fits the theme of the movie so well and I think that anyone can get inspiration from Mariposa’s journey.

When it comes to characters everyone is so much fun. Carlos is another one of my favourite barbie love interests, even if the movie didn’t commit to the romance fully. He and Mariposa have their love of reading in common and they like each other for non superficial reasons. Willa is also adorable and sweet. It would be very interesting to find out how she and Mariposa met, since they’re so different, yet they’re close friends nonetheless. Rayna and Rayla are both quite interesting cases. When they first showed up I rolled my eyes and thought they’d be tossed out of the way very soon, but they continued through the story and changed as people. They gained respect for Mariposa, and vice versa. Henna was also pretty cool too.

The setting was so interesting too, more than any other Fairytopia movie. Every place looks like it has danger lurking, and he characters genuinely felt small next to the landscape. One of my favourite things in this movie has to be the absolutely horrifying Skeezites. I remember playing the DVD game as a kid and having nightmares about it later.

4: Barbie As Rapunzel

This is probably the scariest barbie movie. Unlike other scary ones like Mariposa and Diamond Castle there’s such an aura of misery and helplessness to this movie that is like no other. Gothel is the main reason for it. The tower just looks so dark and every scene in the normal world has such tension surrounding it. It makes me even more emotional when Rapunzel finally frees herself from the tower.

All the paintbrush scenes are integral barbie moments for any kid growing up. I remember being fascinated by her art, and by how hope came to Rapunzel in her worst moments. We don’t get a real answer to how the paintbrush came to be, but it doesn’t feel necessary. It’s just so beautiful.

I love the animal sidekicks in this movie too. Penelope is so adorable, and I love how she, like Rapunzel, found the courage in herself to stand up and disobey her father. And having a dragon be one of the good guys was a really risky move for the second barbie movie, but it payed off so well.

This was truly an ethereal movie.

3: Barbie And The Magic Of Pegasus

This movie definitely has the most riveting original plot of any barbie movie. Wenlock was a terrifying villain and Brietta’s story is so sad. Plus, barbie standing up for Wenlock’s wives at the end basically invented feminism. I love that it’s about an ice skating barbie, and all the skating scene were so fun too.

Shiver is also adorable. I had a lot of the dolls as a kid and the only things I have left from them are the Shiver toy and the Wand Of Light. Speaking which, that wand was so epic and pretty. The movie was just so aesthetically pleasing.

Annika is another one of my favourite barbie protagonists. Like Merliah, she genuinely feels like a true teenager who's rebelling against her strict parents, and she learns a great lesson. Aidan was also a great mirror for her and when I was younger they were my favourite barbie couple. They have lots of good banter and I really buy their relationship development. I especially love the ice dancing scene at the end.

This movie is a barbie essential for me. It represents so much of my childhood. I used to watch this movie obsessively and it’s just as good now as it was back then.

2: Barbie: Fairytopia: Mermaidia

This is kind of an odd choice for my second favourite barbie movie. This one used to be my #1 favourite before I rewatched the one coming. I was obsessed with mermaids and fairies as a kid and no other movie captured my imagination the way this one did. The land of Mermaidia is so pretty and reminds me of everything I dreamed about as a kid. It also gave me Nori, my favourite non barbie character in any barbie movie and one of my biggest childhood crushes. I love how her sass comes from her insecurities about Nalu, and how she and Elina start to like each other once they see past him.

Elina/Nori is also another contender for my favourite barbie ship. They have nice banter (and I’m sure by now you all know how much I love that) and I love the scene when Elina sacrifices her wings for a tail to save Nori (that’s totally my favourite scene in any barbie movie). I wish we got more of their relationship in Magic Of The Rainbow, but I guess that wouldn’t have fit with the movie. Oh well.

This movie works very well as a sequel, while also being better than the original in every way. We had the same villain, and we got to see a part of the Fairytopia universe that we only saw a glimpse of in the first one. After Elina got her wings it only feels natural that the possibility of her losing them again is explored, as well as the prospect that maybe she doesn’t need wings to be herself. And compared to the original movie the stakes have been raised much higher, we have more reasons to care about the characters, and it’s so much funnier. The fungi annoyed me in the first movie but in this one they made me laugh constantly. And this movie wouldn’t be complete with the amazingness that is opera Bibble.

This movie doesn’t have the best plot, but it doesn’t suffer from it either. It’s one of those movies that just makes me feel relaxed and at peace (other than the Depths of Despair scene, though at this point I’ve seen it enough that it doesn’t phase me as much anymore).

1: Barbie As The Princess And The Pauper

We all knew this was coming. No other barbie movie comes close to this classic. It’s gonna be hard to describe why I love it so much since everything that’s amazing about this movie has already been said a thousand times before, but I’ll give it a go.

Anneliese and Erika are amazing characters. They may come from different social classes but they both have the shared experience of not being able to fulfill their dreams. This movie is so good at showing you how trapped they feel, yet still their duty to their lives never waver. My mom has an interesting story about how she got into this movie. She initially thought that barbie would be a terrible role model for me and my sister until she saw The Princess And The Pauper. Anneliese and Erika are clearly very complex protagonists who have interests outside of romance and are active participants in changing their destinies and saving the kingdom. Especially with Erika, who decides to achieve her dream of becoming a famous singer before getting married to King Dominick.

This movie has a bunch of nice relationships too. Anneliese and Erika click with each other so well and respect each other’s troubles without downplaying their situations due to the class difference. The romances were both nicely developed too. Erika and Dominick may have fallen in love over the course of a day but I appreciate how much he likes her stranger side (like when he walked in on her singing to her cat lmao). Anneliese and Julian’s relationship feels especially believable since they’ve known each other for a very long time. I also really like that they waited for Erika to come back before getting married. OT4 goals.

Preminger is a barbie villain like no other. The rest of my top ten has been dominated by scary and serious villains, but Preminger is just so funny and dramatic compared to them all. He’s the only barbie villain that has became very well known in pop culture.

All of the songs in this movie are so iconic. I think that’s the biggest strength of this movie. I'm constantly listening to music and the soundtrack is a great way for me to take this movie everywhere I go. The Cat’s Meow is a beautiful song, Written In Your Heart feels so inspiring, I Am A Girl Like You is great character study, If You Love Me For Me is a beautiful and tender love song, How Can I Refuse? is an iconic villain song, and Free is a great introduction to the characters, as well as my number one favourite barbie song. Every song has something special about it and that makes it one of the most memorable movie soundtracks ever for me.

I also love the cats Serafina and Wolfie. They’re two of the best animal sidekicks in any barbie movie since they feel a lot like the human characters. THEY ALSO HAVE SO MANY BABIES IN THE END FUCKING GOD.

I hope you all enjoyed my ranking. Feel free to comment with your favourites and least favourites, just be aware that this is all personal to me and really says nothing about the objective quality of each of these movies.

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 9)

We Loved Once And True

Tagging along with Arty so he can meet Mary, I feel like this one’s pretty short.

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

I woke up very early, everyone else was still fast asleep, probably suffering from the night of heavy drinking that I'd slept through. I gingerly sat up and scooted out from my spot between Mary-Beth and Karen, standing up and stretching. I figured I'd brew the coffee since I had no idea when Pearson would be able to rise. I set to work, moving on autopilot with my freshly woken mind blank and calm. As I waited for the coffee to be ready I started feeling more alert, remembering the mood I'd been in when I went to bed.

Of course, things always seemed a little better after a night's sleep, but I still felt nauseated at the memory of seeing Abigail's face. She didn't seem angry, but her face had been worryingly indifferent, like she was hiding her true feelings. I couldn't escape the worry that she hated me.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table near Pearson's station. I'd known right from the start that I couldn't stay long at the camp. I'd been alone for far too long and integrating into large group like this one wasn't a good idea; all it'd do is leave me dependant and vulnerable, even more vulnerable than when I was alone. I just had to figure out a way to get myself sorted, build up my inventory again. I needed weapons, I needed a tent and I needed my horse. As soon as I had those things, I'd bid these fine people farewell and move on from the whole thing, taking a lesson from it.

“'Morning. You're up early,” I was startled by the voice coming up behind me. “Relax, you're real jumpy.”

Arthur's hair was a little messy and he was just wearing his pants over the top of his union suit. He was missing his shirt but his gun belt was hanging from his hips already, and that was something that caught my attention.

“I’m sorry, it's just so quiet out here. I uh, I turned in early,” I said, turning back around and staring at my coffee. I heard him get a cupful for himself and tensed up when he sat down in the seat opposite me.

“Not a lover of parties?” He asked. I shrugged my shoulders and nonchalantly patted the plaits still pinned to my head; I'd slept with my hair still up and it probably looked a state.

“I didn't mind it. I was just tired,” I told him. Tired, and sick of thinking.

“I'm sorry if we kept you up,” he said, and I saw him place a little box of biscuits on the table, opening them up. He took one, then pushed them towards me. With a grateful nod, I took one for myself.

“No, you didn't. It was actually pretty easy to fall asleep, I guess because here I don't have to worry about waking up to some undesirable standing over me; whether that be human or animal,” I admitted, braving a peek at him. His hair looked neater, and I thought he must've smoothed it out when I wasn't looking.

Suddenly I felt even more self-conscious about my own appearance. I bit into my biscuit and tried to swallow those thoughts along with it.

“That's right. You'll be safe here, we all look out for each other,” he smiled at me and I couldn't help but notice how attractive he looked, still a little sleepy, his voice sounding deeper than usual, a bit of his firm chest exposed between the buttons of his union suit. I sighed quietly and looked away.

“How did you sleep?” I asked, stroking my finger up and down the side of my cup. The metal was dented and I traced the dip absentmindedly.

“Not well, 's why I'm up. I was planning on going to see Mary, and I've been working myself up over it. It's been a long time…” he breathed, eyes settling on my finger. I stopped moving it.

“I wish I had something better to say than; you'll be fine. You will be, but I know how empty those words can seem,” I said softly and he nodded in appreciation.

“Thank you," he said. "Have you thought about if you're coming with me?”

I bit my bottom lip, staring at his hands; his first and middle finger were quickly drumming against the side of his cup one after another, over and over.

“I'll come, if you'd like me to. If it'd bring you a little comfort,” I looked to his eyes to see him exhale in relief.

“Like I said, having someone with me's likely to stop me from going off, gallivanting…” he trailed off, frowning to himself. “I need to keep my feet on the ground, right now. For Dutch and everyone else.”

“Well then I'd better join you,” I nodded, finishing my biscuit.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely, looking me in the eye. His hand reached across the table a bit, stopping short of my arm when I looked away far too quickly and unnaturally; I could feel heat rising to my face.

Why did he have to be so dang attractive, and why couldn't I just act normal?

-

I changed into my new pants, tucking my blouse into them and fastening my belt tight to hug them to my waist. I also stole a look at myself in Molly's hand mirror and to my relief, my hair didn't actually look too bad after sleeping on it. It'd been done tight and proper, and so it'd kept its shape with just a few fly-aways that I managed to smooth down with my hand and a splash of water.

I met with Arthur again near his horse, which was saddled and ready to go. He mounted it, speaking softly to it and patting its neck. Seeing someone being affectionate with their horse always brought a smile to my face, and always made me miss Rayna.

“You ready? You can ride up here with me,” he patted the spot behind him and I gulped as I stepped forwards. With no excuse to ride sidesaddle, I climbed up and sat forward behind him, taking his hand for support. His hand was hot and his palm felt calloused, it was strong and held mine tightly, he wasn't shy about it.

I felt something real strong pumping through my veins as I settled into place behind him, my thighs up against his hips, my chest against his back. I worried he could feel my heart beating with our proximity, and with my shaky hands I held onto his waist, trying my damnedest to ignore the rush that was making me feel like I'd just been hooked up to a lightning rod. Arthur seemed as cool as ever, tugging on the reins to turn his horse as he started trotting out of camp.

We were gone before anyone else had woken up, and for that I was grateful. Nobody could see my face, which was surely deep red. I realised I blushed so much around Arthur, he must've noticed by then, I could only hope he just thought it was my regular complexion. Though it might as well be, with how often it happened…

“We're heading towards Valentine. She said she was stopping in a house over there,” he explained as we rode. As we picked up the pace, I had to hold on tighter to him. “I'll just go in and speak with her and if you'd just wait on the horse for me, I'd appreciate it. Jet's a good boy, he'll look after you,” he added, patting his horse again.

“Alright, I hope everything goes well with you two,” I told him. I was sincere but it sounded so empty and dull the way I said it. He thanked me anyway.

“Afterwards I'll buy us breakfast as a thank you.”

“You don't have to do that. All I'm doing is sitting on your horse,” I laughed.

“I'm starving and you must be too, we're getting breakfast,” he told me with finality that I didn't argue with. “And I appreciate you doing this, it might seem like a small thing to you, but,” he didn't finish his sentence and I felt his chest expand with a large breath.

We came up to a house and Arthur slowed down, looking around.

“I think this is the place,” he mumbled, mainly to himself. He stopped the horse by the fence that surrounded the property and got down, having to lean back into me so he could swing his leg over. He felt so solid against me, like such a man, and I found myself picturing what he'd look like under that union suit I saw him in earlier.

Gosh. I needed to calm down and start showing the man some respect.

“I don't plan on being long, there's a rifle on my horse if you see me doing something stupid,” he looked sheepish and adjusted his hat on his head.

I chuckled. “Like what?”

“Like getting too close,” he muttered, turning and half jogging up to the house.

I watched him as he knocked on the door, and my hand flinched for the rifle he'd mentioned when I saw him take a step back, raising his hands. There was a woman pointing a gun at him.

That's Mary?!

I didn't know what I should do, but luckily it seemed like Arthur had things under control, and a moment later the woman went back inside. It was a few seconds before someone else came out.

Oh, that's Mary.

I squinted as I tried to get a good look at her, completely forgetting my manners in favour of curiosity. My mouth went dry when I noticed just how beautiful she was; like unreal, perfect beauty. No wonder Arthur was so nervous to see her again, and I wasn't surprised that someone like her would've gone for someone like him. They certainly made an attractive couple.

I jumped when Mary's eyes met mine, and I sat back a little, turning my head away so it didn't look like I was seconds away from getting the binoculars out. She said something and Arthur looked over his shoulder at me. I felt a little sick, honestly, not knowing what they were saying. Was he telling her the truth? That I was just some poor girl tagging along with the gang after her life was stolen from under her? Or was he misleading her, choosing his words carefully so she could draw her own conclusions? He did say that it might make things easier if she thought he'd moved on. I honestly didn't know which I'd prefer, though I did wonder if she'd believe that Arthur and I were anything more than acquaintances. I'd be one heck of a downgrade, that's for sure.

She really was beautiful, and I was looking at her from a distance. I shuddered to think how she looked up close, I'd probably never look in a mirror again. I looked away from them, giving them their privacy, instead opting to play with Jet's mane. I ran my fingers through it, gently undoing any tangles, then separated out three strands. I knew very little about braiding, just that there were three strands involved, but every time I'd watched my mother do it I'd quickly lost track of what she did with them.

I tried twisting the three strands together in various ways; weaving one strand between the other two, wrapping the outside strands around the middle strand one by one, weaving the outside strands under the middle strand one by one- oh. Wait, that didn't look too bad! I kept at it, repeating the process slowly but surely down to the end of Jet's mane. By the time I was finished I had an uneven, wiggly looking, messy braid. But it was the first braid I'd ever managed! I smiled to myself, and thought about telling Mary-Beth when we got back. I could show her and ask if I'd done it correctly.

The braid had killed some time and when I looked back up at Arthur, he was standing a little distance away from Mary on the porch. His face looked conflicted and Mary was wringing her hands together. Eventually Arthur shook his head, said a few parting words, before stepping down from the porch and heading back towards me. I scooted backwards, giving him enough room to mount up in front of me. Arthur wordlessly got on, the only sound he made being his clicking at the horse to get it moving. I looked back at Mary as we rode away; she was standing with her arms crossed, watching us leave.

[funeraloracle]

Waking Witchblr Week: Makers Monday (or... oracle rambles on about theoretical philosophy)

While I am an artist, I thought it would be better to write a small essay about how creation and art has influenced my personal practice, with nod to historical context. 

Hello, I’m funeraloracle, though I go by many names (That’s not me being pretentious, I’m being serious; I’m between names as I type this). I’m a Hellenic polytheist and eclectic death witch. I am also an artist and a writer, member of the LGBTQA+ community (nonbinary, bisexual, and polyamorous), lover of candles and all things artsy. I write, I draw, and I attempt to knit. (Can you tell that I follow Apollo yet?)

That aside, I am not here to talk about myself. Let’s talk about the element of creation.

Humans have an intrinsic, near biological need to create. Our brain releases those happy, calm endorphins we all love so much when we draw, or write, or attempt to knit. Even if you don’t consider yourself an artist, you’ve created art at some point-- doodles in your notes, diagrams for biology class, houses of cards, even. Whittling sticks, skinning bucks, writing journals, gardening... We have all created something in our lifetime. We do it because it calms our nerves, it keeps our hands busy, it makes us content, if not happy.

Witchcraft is among these. We all have our reasons for joining the craft, but ultimately our goal is to create something we cannot physically fathom. We are brought together by the element of creation, striving for something larger than us, creating our own distinct realities.

In my practice (keep in mind that this is UPG, however widely believed), the astral world is everything our mind creates. It’s the nightmare you had last night that slipped away as soon as you woke, growing stronger as it reoccurs. It’s the hopeful prayer you give to your higher power, asking for a sign and believing you’ll get it with all of your heart. It’s the apple grove you envision when you meditate, full of life and swelling with nature’s unique brand of quiet. Heaven and Hell, Valhalla, the Underworld... All of it, maybe not created by our minds alone, but powered by our belief. This is why prayer is so important to the gods. We effectively create our own reality, building bridges between us and them.

Whether or not you follow gods, this rings true. We say mantras repeatedly so the reality they create in the astral bleeds though the veil into this world, so we see the physical effects. We use tools to help push through the barrier to connect realities, such is the way of spellwork. We give our offerings and cast our spells in places where it is naturally thinner, such as crossroads and liminal spaces-- we make our friends and our enemies there among the spirits who reside in corners of reality, only visible in the peripheral of our minds. 

We follow others who inspire us to create. All of those headlines that read like-- Teenager Saves Money to Buy Mother’s Cancer Treatment (You’ll be Inspired!)-- we click them however bleak because hope always transcends misery. We create our faith in the darkest times. 

“Humans define their reality through misery and suffering.” ~ Hugo Weaving, The Matrix, 1999.

“In the dark times. Will there also be singing? Yes, there will also be singing. About the dark times.” ~ Bertolt Brecht, motto to Svendborg Poems, 1939.

What do these dark anecdotes have in common? (The gods know I never expected to compare and contrast quotes from The Matrix and an eighty year old poem.) They imply that from misery, humans are inspired. Whether that means inspired to continue living, or inspired to create, we thrive in both the darkness and the light, for darkness is only an aspect of light.

Some of the most influential art pieces came from the hardest times in history. The rise of dadaism during wartime is an example-- as misery sets in and we find reality harder to cope with, we turn to unreality as a means of release. The things we create become more surreal as our reality becomes less manageable. 

What does that mean for us now? Where are you going with this, Oracle? Consider the influx of new witches, and the presence of dadaist art and humor on the rise again; Consider the current state of our reality, the misery that pervades daily. Creation is more important now than it has ever been. We need to create to express ourselves, we need to create to stay above water, and if you’re anything like me, we need to create to keep ourselves out of the red. 

But most of all, we need to create now more than ever in order to inspire a more hopeful reality. The soil that we lay now must be fertile in order for those who come after us to plant seeds. It is so easy to fall into misery and hopelessness, but there is so much time ahead of us, it would be irresponsible to leave this world bleaker than when you entered it. 

We all have the intrinsic need, and the ability to create-- choose to create life.