#this is literally no ones fault and exclusively my own problem

[thatsgonnaleaveamark]

eeee

[weebsinstash]

"Hero forced to work for/exploited by the villain who also has a big ass fetish for you" will always be one of my top tropes and goddamn does Cecil have the capacity to be such a massive creepy piece of shit like, forgive me father for I'm about to sexualize an old man again

Maybe it stems from my childhood where I was adultified really young and then raised to suppress my own feelings while also having to constantly perform emotional labor for other people but I've always resented the trope of "oh Superpowered Person, you're so powerful that you're OBLIGATED to help save others because you're the only one who can and if you're not personally jumping to solve every problem it's your fault if something bad happens" and I keep thinking of a Reader who, Viltrumite hybrid, mutant, magic user, whatever, you develop your powers and the GDA eventually starts crawling up your ass as you EMPHATICALLY refuse to help them with fuck all about dick nothing

Cecil starts spying on you and having you tailed because it's his job while progressively becoming more... unhealthy towards you. The level of monitoring and invasion of your privacy is extreme, but also, not untypical for the GDA in general, so it's quite literally required by him to watch thencameras all over your home, have your phone bugged, learn your routine and habits and personality. Yeah dude he's just watching you get all sweaty doing squats and personal training in your bedroom for "research purposes". He's definitely watching you work out and study and put insane amounts of effort to appear like you don't have any powers "exclusively" because he's required to and has to gauge if you're a threat and he totally isn't being some proud little pervert at watching you tone your body

Personally I've been thinking of a Reader who is more closer to a Kryptonian than a Viltrumite and you deliberately scare the shit out of Cecil to try and make him go away. Cecil tries to approach you for an interaction but misrepresents who he is and what he does. Sits down next to you on a park bench and makes small talk, like he's just someone from the area, trying to feel you out but also, feeling a certain thudding in his chest that he's getting to finally talk to you. And you humor him, putting on false pretenses yourself which he isn't aware of until you just drop on him something like "but why are you ACTUALLY talking to me, Director Cecil Stedman of the GDA?"

he sits there wondering how the fuck you would even know that, heart thudding and briefly being struck with the fear of God as you stoically tap the side of your head, "as a friendly piece of advice, sir, when you want to gather intel on someone who you don't know exactly what abilities they have, maybe you should tell your boys back at HQ to be careful about what they're saying into that little earpiece buzzing against the bones of your ear" as you then perfectly recount several of the things that his men had said over the codec while Cecil was sitting there and even mockingly repeating after them to prove that, oh yeah, you've got superhuman hearing

"I didn't join the GDA to sit and watch the Director sit on a bench and talk about the weather" "don't talk like Stedman is wasting his time you brat, this is basic intelligence gathering" "hey, if you want to watch Cecil ask a handful of stupid bullshit questions for 20 minutes instead of training the Guardians, be my fucking guest" and you just cross your arms and look down on him, "really, if you're the best the government has, I can see why you're desperate to scoop up anyone with even mild skills"

I want a superpowered Reader who, unlike Mark, actually genuinely PUTS EFFORT into trying to scare the shit out of him to make him fuck off and he's just like. Honestly turned on by it.

You have him held by the throat, squeezing releasing squeezing releasing as you have a lowkey villain monolog about "what makes you think if I wanted to help humanity that I would do it by working for the government, let alone a government that won't even let their citizens have good healthcare? Why would I waste my time pretending I'm patriotic and saving lives when you're just going to let kids keep dying in school shootings and people have to file bankruptcy over their cancer treatmenrs" and you're getting so up in his face he can smell what you have for breakfast and. You pause, scowling. "You know what, I'm gonna give you a free pass and assume that your dick pressing against your pants is just from the endorphins from the little rushes of oxygen I'm letting you have" and he's just nodding like "yeah yeah that's definitely the reason" but. It's not lmao

You could be actively antagonistic against this man and he's still. Tryna be friendly and shit, deflecting your hostility and sometimes even neutralizing it by being amicable and kind of kissing your ass a little bit. He's personally approaching you multiple times to try and recruit you, risking meeting you face to face because HE wants to be the one to talk to you. God forbid you're actually forced to defend the planet over some bullshit like "yeah I only killed that thing because it was heading towards where I live and I didn't want it to ruin my stuff" and here's Stedman, getting on your ass about how you're wasting your potential, you could be saving lives instead of fucking around at home in your spare time, 'think of all the good you can do, we could get you your own costume' and they already know your exact measurements because, oh yeah, Cecil's already seen your naked body several times over by having your bedroom and bathroom bugged

Oh, he'll sit and watch those monitors until the sun goes down, but if one of his younger colleagues nudges their buddy and cracks a joke about how seeing you in the shower "gives them something to enjoy later tonight" and just outright creeping and joking about gooning over you, they look up to see Cecil staring at them with borderline murderous intent and he plays it off as "take your job seriously, you fucking idiot, we're saving lives here" but nah dog they start creeping too many times and Cecil's pulling a Tanya the Evil by deliberately deploying them to a position where he knows they're going to get absolutely fucking bodied. Oh wow that guy he caught making deragatory perverted jokes at the water cooler over how muscular you're starting to get happened to get put on Hail Mary babysitting duty and the giant alien wound up eating him alive? Oh nooooo, not Jerry, he was so popular and everyone liked him, oh noooo how tragic. anyways back to business-

Cecil sends Nolan or the Immortal to try and talk to you to convince you to join the Guardians and it turns into a complete slugfest where you take a few good hits but ultimately wind up beating the absolute fuck out of that man and Cecil, where with literally anyone else would probably be reasonably shocked and terrified and immediately making contingencies, is glued to the monitors with a look of respect and awe, "see, THAT'S why we need them on our side. Look at how easily they took out one of our best defenses. We CAN'T let them go"

Deadass I'd consider working as a Guardian myself IF they paid me a metric fuckton of money and they obviously have the funds for it given how willy nilly Cecil uses that teleporter that takes literal billions of dollars every time he uses it. Cecil fantasizing in his head of the moment he convinces you to start working for Uncle Sam and how HE'S the one who managed to change your mind. Cecil watching you a throw a monster stories high around like it's fucking nothing and then going home and beating his dick like it owes him money

But also. A scenario where they put a thingy in your head or in your body. You eventually try to break off working for the government and even maybe threatening to leave the planet entirely and Cecil is hitting a button that completely incapacitates you. Think of how absolutely fucked Mark would have been if he didn't have his friends and Robot to protect him and remove that device. He would've been an actual fucking slave, always living under the threat of getting brain-blasted st any signs of disobedience. For you, it's being completely unable to leave the planet, or having any attempts to escape or avoid the GDA completely nullified.

They develop a special needle made from the parts of a monster who managed to cut you and you're held down flailing by other heroes who consider you a threat (and or are also perverts for you, like Nolan) as you get jabbed as they try to find a chemical concoction that's capable of sedating you. Maybe they find one. Maybe they can't. The horror is in the helplessness. You can no longer truly refuse any call to action by the GDA without getting zapped by something you have no ability to remove or disable. You're trapped.

I also like the idea of Reader being something like Darwin from the X-men where your power is that you respond and adapt to your environment. It turns out you developed powers like flight and superstrength because you literally live on a planet surrounded by aliens and people with magic and superpowers and your body adapted to those dangerous surroundings. Which also means, Cecil shocks you enough times and suddenly, you start tanking it. You take that electricity or trilling noise in your brain and suddenly, it starts to not make you hurt or disoriented as much; you're fucking eating it up like it's lunch. Cecil stands there and watches as you slowly stand to your full height, your expression shifting as you obviously can no longer be affected by the ONE contingency that was working on you besides having their very strongest all team up on you at once and only to SOME degree of success

Cecil knowing he should be fearing his life but truly being in awe of you. You're considering killing him and he's all but sighing, "wow, you really are something, aren't you. Just full of surprises"

But uh, as fun as that idea would be, I think keeping Reader trapped has so much more drama and angst and potential for fun, and now that you're under Cecil's full control, he can take delight (and be freaky deaky) at the fact he now has complete unrestrained access to you and you are never, EVER getting away. So hey kid, why not humor your boss and let him treat you after you just slayed a giant space monster. Why yes he did imply you were going to a celebration with other heroes and it turned out he's just taking you to a private candlelight dinner. What are YOU going to be able to do about it? :)

[chickren]

hiii, could you elaborate on jaime's relationship with tywin in the books? and how tywin's introduction in the show diverges from that? 🥺👉👈

lol because that scene never happens in the books?

because nothing like it really happens in the books?

lmao, because, the first time we see any real sign of tywin and jaime’s relationship it’s tywin saying ‘tyrion, why do you suck while jaime is a god?’

it’s such a disservice to tyrion and cersei to pretend that jaime doesn’t have tywin’s approval, or perhaps even admiration.

unlike that weird season 1 deer scene, in the books tywin doesn’t blame jaime for being in the kingsguard. that’s aerys’s fault as far as tywin knows. after all, if tywin himself couldn’t prevent it, how could jaime? (sure we know better, but tywin doesn’t.)

and do you think tywin isn’t proud of jaime for killing aerys? do you think tywin wasn’t thinking ‘that’s my boy’ after the sack of king’s landing? that shit was right in tywin’s wheelhouse.

and then there’s the one interaction we see between jaime and tywin. jaime walks in knowing what he’s facing with twyin vs tyrion. that’s because jaime has always had tywin’s number in a way cersei and tyrion never did. why? because jaime has seen what tywin is capable of and he doesn’t like it. jaime quite literally takes tyrion’s kidnapping in agot into his own hands because he doesn’t trust tywin to look out for tyrion. as he’s on his way back to king’s landing in asos he thinks about just what he’s actually worth to his father and how much that calculation has taken a hit now that he’s short a hand.

so when tywin asks jaime to give up the kingsguard, does jaime hang his head and scuff his toe like his show counterpart? lmao. this is the difference in privilege between jaime and his siblings. jaime immediately says: noooo. and means it. not only means it, but from that moment starts plotting against tywin and cersei to save tyrion.

we see this reinforced when cersei begs jaime to save her from tywin’s machinations to marry her off again and he’s like, lol, tell that bitch no. to jaime it’s a very simple, very accomplishable thing if you don’t give a shit about tywin’s disapproval.

because jaime’s been walking away from tywin since he was a kid.

the only moment jaime even wavers in that interaction with his dad is when tywin disowns him. lol and that is not about approval. it’s because all jaime wants in the world is love, and up to this point love was a thing that existed exclusively in the realm of his family.

and lest there be any doubt, i ask you, who breaks first? the last real thing jaime hears from his father is a message sent through kevan. a peace offering, in the form of oathkeeper. here it is, son, the valyrian steel i’ve been trying to reclaim for the fam for years. it’s yours. you’re my boy.

and what does jaime do with tywin’s sword? lmao. i ask you. what does jaime do with tywin’s sword?

see, book!jaime’s story with tywin is not about tywin’s disapproval of jaime. it’s about jaime’s disapproval of tywin. it’s embedded in his chapters. it’s embedded in his character. everything about jaime’s latent lust for honor is a repudiation of twyin’s ethos.

he disapproves of tywin’s use of gregor clegane and amory lorch. he disapproves of tywin’s orders to kill aegon and rhaenys. any lack of understanding of tywin’s nature is destroyed by the tysha incident, which appalls jaime.

he isn’t looking for tywin’s approval. all he ever wanted was tywin’s love.

all of this is reinforced in feast. it’s everywhere in jaime’s vigil for tywin as he tries to do his duty but can’t cough up a single tear and even chucks the appearance of grief out the window when his living breathing son, who he definitely feels late breaking affection for, needs him. it’s when he looks around the realm and goes oh shit, this would have been tywin’s problem but now it’s mine and uses tywin’s reputation to accomplish his goals without actually employing tywin’s monstrous ruthlessness.

but mostly we know the whole show concept that jaime’s just always been trying to earn tywin’s approval is bullshit as far as book!jaime is concerned, because we’ve read jaime’s chapters and we know the truth.

it’s joanna’s disapproval that literally haunts jaime. not tywin’s.

[lost-inanotherlife]

Okay so this post continues a conversation I've started re: the "Let's hate on Jack Shephard" trend and how, I think, it's quite unfair towards the character first but also towards the themes of the show itself.

I finished my post by saying that on the island Jack is trying to be a better person but he's doomed to fail because this is what the rules of storytelling dictate. I mean, we the audience need him to fail because we're following the story primarily through his lens so if he resolves his arc the story's over.

Now I understand that the likability of a character is one of those really unfathomable things that escape even the finest narrative techniques. Some people will love a character, some others won't. I'm obviously fine with that. After all LOST has, like, almost two dozens characters on top of Jack so, you know, if you don't like him you can literally pick whoever else and all of these 20 characters are completely fleshed out and realistic. So, you know, there's space for everybody on the island, lol.

That doesn't change the fact that these techniques are in place and must be taken into account if one wants to analyize a character. So let's analyse Jack from the character arc perspective.

One of the reasons people seem to hate on Jack is because of the supposedly bad choices he makes: he's emotional, stubborn to a fault, he thinks he's being rational but it's a play pretend because he's an extremely emotion-driven character. This is important because, although he's presented as the "Man of Science" side of the dichotomy, he shows solid nerves almost exclusively when it's about health problems/procedures etc. Which, duh! He's, like, one of the best and youngest surgeons in his father's hospital, the man knows his stuff.

On the other hand, John Locke as the "Man of Faith" is actually more logical, rational and reason-driven than Jack. And OF COURSE he is! Because here's the crux of the matter: we the audience KNOW that Locke might not be right about his decisions but he's right about thinking that the island is not like any other island.

We the audience know how he had to use a wheelchair before crashing on the island and, once there, he miraculously stands on his own two feet like nothing ever happened. On top of that, the presence of Rose re-inforced the idea that Locke is, indeed, right to believe, or at least justified to believe, that they're there for a reason.

Like, people on the island think of him as this old, crazy guy in the jungle and, yeah, John is a little too sure of himself at times but from a characterization point of view it totally tracks.

Now Jack doesn't know what we the audience know. He's asked to believe what a totally random stranger tells him and yes, this is one of the core tenets of "faith": believing without knowing. So okay, cool, the conflict is totally justified at this point (S1-2).

Starting from S2, however, and the totality of S3-4 and beginning of 5, Jack is asked to believe and show faith in people who actively manipulate, betray, exploit and abuse him.

You guys know that on this blog Kate Austen is a religion but even she manipulated and literally drugged him and then had the audacity to be offended when Jack didn't believe her. Come on, girl be real now.

But the worst part of this is that he's asked to believe Ben. Benjamin Fucking Linus. I repeat: Ben Linus, ever heard of him? The IRONY of this situation finds its climax in "316" when, in front of a reproduction of "The Incredulity of St. Thomas" by Caravaggio, Ben asks Jack to believe him even without knowing, therefore not so subtly comparing himself to Jesus Christ and Jack to St. Thomas.

Mind you, this is not writers' pulling tricks: Destiny&Cons&Deception is a theme established since season ONE. I'll quote myself here but my question, I think, is still valid:

Season 1 seems to silently ask: are Destiny and Deception the two sides of the same coin? Is Deception inherently weaved into the fabrics of Destiny or is Destiny at work through Deception? Is Destiny itself a Deception? Or is it lie we tell ourselves so we can pretend to not care about the consequences of our actions, like Jack's father Christian ("That's why the Red Sox will never win the World Series")? Oh, so many questions!

This isn't a random theme. Having faith in your Destiny means that you have to have faith in the unknown. But what happens when the unknown is known and it's deceptive, it's a long con but it's also the only thing you have? How is one made into a comfortable position to make the "right" decision if one has to literally trust the same people who had betrayed them one second before? Ben's parallel is interesting because he fancies himself as Christ but we all know who's the real Christ-figure of the show: "One of You Will Betray Me" might be Jack's tagline, honestly.

Jack Shephard is a character who's asked by the narrative to be in that uncomfortable position from beginning to end. How can people not symphatize with that? This isn't about character's personality, this is about understanding one of the foundational themes of the show.

It's easy to believe when you know. It's difficult to believe when you don't know. It's existential to believe when you know that the probability that you'll get conned are high. When the odds are against you. When the Red Sox have never won the World Series.

Until, one day, they do win it.

How do you approach these questions? This is up to us as viewers to answer. But it's Jack who guides us through these difficult questions. Hating on him without seeing him is like being St. Thomas: you want a story where everything's transparent so it's easy to believe in it.

What happens when the story is not so clear? What happens when the characters are a little good and also a little bad? What happens when, regardless of how they are and what they've done, the same characters are faced with impossible scenarios where they are CALLED to choose and can't escape from making said choice?

This is the beauty of LOST in general and this is also the beauty of Jack Shephard because it's LITERALLY through his eye that the show begins and the show ends. If people want to hate on him, sure, they can, of course. But if they fail to realize the importance of the choices he makes, the reasons behind them, the consequences of them, I'm afraid they've missed some of the key aspects of the show.

[wetcatspellcaster]

To preface this ask, I did search through older posts to see if you had answered this, because I love your fics but I also love reading your opinions on things because you are smart and have good taste. So: what were your thoughts on Solas pre-Veilguard? I saw that you mentioned you don't care as much as they want you to, but I'm curious why, if you don't mind sharing? Thanks!

ooofft, why do i feel like this is kicking a hornet's nest? but you'll also have seen how quickly i answered this, anon, so I don't mind giving my opinion - especially when i'm sick and bored and feeling sorry for myself.

putting it under the cut so I don't die though x

TLDR I just... think he's ok? fine? I don't hate him, but I also don't.... care?

In more depth, I think I understand the appeal of the Solas romance in terms of its immortal/mortal dynamics (I mean, I lowkey used that dynamic to finish the ending of my own inquisition fic, and I read a decent amount of Solas/Trevelyan back in the day when I ran out of other things to read), but I've never been able to give full buy-in or finish a romanced playthrough in-game, based on Solas' personality. shallowness of who I find attractive in games aside... I like Solas well enough as a companion and I find his character has the potential interesting, but I find his Inquisition romance dynamic extremely limiting, frustrating, and very much... just not for me.

I know the Shipping Diskhorse, and so I know a lot of the complaints I have already have arguments crafted against them. I don't need an argument, because I just don't care that much. A lot of people have opinions why he condescends, his explaining things to you, keeping secrets from you, etc. It's totally fine! I like those kinds of characters (I wrote for the Darkling! I get it!) Some of it isn't even 'his' (Solas, the fictional man's) fault!! Some of it's just dragon age writing!!! Like, I didn't enjoy Solas being racist, but then, Dorian was ok was slavery, and so was Anders with the One Guy He Didn't Like, so I can't even really call him out on that. I get frustrated that Solas repeatedly decides he is the only one equipped to take on problems on his own, rather than the proven-to-be hypercompetent women around him, who only can't handle those problems because he decides they're not worthy of trust and deliberately keeps them in the dark.... but that complaint literally only exists, because I play exclusively female characters in Dragon Age. He can condescend the male and non-binary characters too!!! If I ever let him!!!

So in short, this is an extremely personal taste thing. I think enjoyment of Solas is undermined by it being reliant on the Solavellan romance, and I think the Solavellan romance is undermined (for me ) by the fact that it is deepened and approval is met through agreement, rather than challenge or upfront debate. I think Solas is a character for whom I mourn the loss of the rivalmance mechanic (which I didn't even use in DA2).

Sometimes you don't want to agree with the man!!! You kind of want to ruin his life a little!!!! Which is fine!!! many, many people have headcanoned and written their way out of that corner, or imagined alternatives! It's why so much of the modern girl in thedas fic INVOLVED antagonising and challenging Solas, and it's why Veilguard (I'm convinced) encouraged that dynamic with Rook -

It just didn't work for me, personally. if I was to pinpoint my exact 'turn off' point, it was the way he talks about the Dalish, which I'm sure has it's share of sympathetic readings but, in my eyes... it's just him being needlessly cruel, about a diaspora culture he's responsible for - and responsibility was with him, even before all the lore choices made by Veilguard. No matter how much you mourn your own culture, I don't think dissing an entire ethnic group is quite The Way. And he's dissing it, to his girlfriend who is from that culture! (if you've read my inquisition fic, you know my feelings on this. and lord knows, enough people gave Sera shit, for the exact same thing.)

I don't not see it. To be frank, I accidentally (by which i mean, it wasn't planned from the beginning) put a Solavellan romance throughline in my Inquisition fic, because once I began writing, I started to fully understand what my Lavellan and Solas would have in common. But if you've read that fic, you know they don't end up together. Because I wanted challenge, and I wanted friction, and I didn't want endless pining or acceptance for a man who ultimately isn't always that nice to you, and gives you no real reason to yearn that hard!!! I kind of wanted that man to fumble the baddie, and be humbled by that instead!!!!!! which is my preferred flavour actually!!!! alongside Solas/Trevelyan which.... wow. is that another hornet's nest in the distance? should I aim for it, with my foot?

And I think that, Solas' fandom (which totally makes sense, again this is personal taste nothing more) and Solas' canon writing (woof. to veilguard) is so reliant on you buying into Solavellan, that if you don't.... Solas really is just.... kind of there. I mean, my INQUISITOR (super hot, hypercompetent lady, love of life light of my heart) was also... just kind of there, according to veilguard. Her dialogue was sooooo UNDERWHELMING, and once again, she had no options but to be Solas' advocate, when actually, that woman disagreed with pretty much everything he ever said!

I don't want to kiss him. I don't want to redeem him, because his redemption arc seems so based in a self-sacrificing love I cannot buy into personally, even while appreciating the flavour for other people. He's just kind of there to me.

[binghelovebot]

I really do think the subset of inter-community discourse wherein other trans people complain about "validity politics" is just the trans version of libs who say the dem party has lost its way by focusing on "identity politics"

They're both takes that redirect reasonable fear and anger at the current state of things onto groups with no real power and tend to be completely disconnected with what's actually happening politically.

For example, one common argument made is that mainstream trans activism has "abandoned a medical approach for validity instead" and it's all the fault of those damn non-transitioning boogeymen (boogeypeople?). Except...has it? I would say the ACLU is pretty much the face of mainstream trans activism and it's biggest ongoing trans related court case is Skrmetti wherein they're arguing for trans youth's rights to gender affirming care.

In fact, if you check the ACLU's website, the majority of their most recent court cases are (and have consistently been) cases related to fighting for trans people's rights to medically transition.

I don't know of any mainstream trans org that isn't mostly dedicated either to transition related rights or to other material needs, like housing and jobs. If mainstream trans activism is so validity focused...where are all the examples of actual orgs abandoning the medical needs of trans people?

Which brings me back to my first statement. When you look at what people mad at this are actually reacting to it's....trans people saying you don't have to medically transition to be trans. It's pronoun circles and pronouns in emails and "don't assume pronouns". It's...literally the exact same things anti-woke weirdos work themselves into a froth over. It's people genuinely believing there's some connection between trans people saying you don't have to medically transition to be trans and fascists stripping our medical care away. There isn't. Trans people in countries where there has never been self-ID or a roll back of gatekeeping medical care are still also seeing a rise in transphobia and rights being taken away.

Other trans people online who you think are cringe are not who are taking your rights away. Other trans people online doing personal activism in a way you find unhelpful is not indicative of major orgs making any real changes in their activism. Focusing exclusively on the behavior of your personal circle or people you meet online and not on the actual activism and political work happening is inherently reactionary. It's easier to accept the specter of some blue haired non-binary barista that the right have conjured up and to say that's not what real trans activism is and we have to Retvrn to real transsexual advocacy than to accept that we never stopped that activism around medical rights and we're still being stripped of our rights under fascism.

Because the problem isn't that the right doesn't believe you can change your sex, and the problem also isn't that the right doesn't believe in gender as separate from your body, the problem is that even if they did believe in either of those, they would still despise you for it and want to stop you from doing it. Conservatives want to deprive you of both bodily and social autonomy. They hate you for not transitioning and still calling yourself trans, and they hate you for transitioning. You cannot win a debate against fascists because they have no principles except control. But accepting that you cannot logic your way out of oppression is harder than finding a subset of your own community to blame for the terrors.

[un-sink]

i'm tired of everyone assuming what i need instead of just asking me

i wish you'd just ask me. like all of you. i don't think it helps me that literally nobody asks. that's why it feels like all you know are my social media posts. you've never needed to ask ∵ i'm loud online. but that's because i don't have anyone to talk to. it's a nasty feedback loop.

but i even feel itchy asking for that much. i'm not your responsibility. that's why i try not to bother anyone and just lay it all out online because i don't know when a good time to talk to you is. i really am not your responsibility. you shouldn't feel burdened to help me. it should be your choice and at your own time and pace, especially because you have a lot on your plate. my struggles with my disability are my own.

i'm not saying i won't give you time to make sense of this, please take the time you need. i'll need time too. i just hope you can also consider the fact that i don't need anyone to move mountains for me. i just want to be able to talk about things without anyone thinking or feeling that it's their problem to solve or that it's their fault. this is my problem to tackle within myself. i don't need solutions. i need a friend. actually we don't even need to talk about my disability exclusively. i feel like i've stopped being a person and i've been reduced to "the friend who went blind." i know that's not how you feel, but that's what walking on eggshells around me does to me. i'm desperate for at least one thing to be stable, a solid presence not revolving around my illness. i guess i thought i could get that from my friends.

i feel alone, as pathetic as that sounds and as hard as it is to admit that. remember you all have someone, a partner, to lean on. i only have you guys.

[angy-grrr]

The thing with Hori is that he's a bad writer, but he's not incapable. He clearly has the ability to get the message across when he decides a base plan for certain characters and keeps it consistent. And i'm not trying to play devil's advocate here, i know he's overworked and barely had time to do much, but this actually highlights how badly he dropped the ball with Ochako.

Hori just didn't know seem to know where he was going to go with her, but he did know that he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Have a commentary about how she isn't just a love interest while also keeping her there, unable to fully get out of that trope if he ever decided to push them together.

idk, it all was so weird to me. With 429 to me it was clear he didnt try to make them a romantic thing, bc the most important part about those scenes where her guilt over Himiko and the need to help others in whatever ways you can. It wasn't about them in particular even if Deku said "you are my hero" and reminded her of all the moments she was heroic to him, bc it was a way to convey the message of "hey, being a hero isnt exclusively about saving literal lives, but also helping others emotionally. All those moments she was heroic and she deserves to feel worthy of that tittle, just like this woman who didnt help Tenko back then now reaches out towards a scary looking kid. We can all still be heroes".

Izuku knew that was important bc, from my perspective, he needed that for himself too and he has a tendency of projecting his internal issues onto others (like with Todoroki in their fight, talking about his quirk being his and not Endeavor's helped Shoto, but it was also Izuku expressing his own need to reclaim OFA as his, while being unable to do so. Is one of the ways he deals with his own problems while not discussing them with anyone). This is him "dealing, while not dealing" with his own guilt about Tenko, I believe he does it unconsciously to ease the pain while helping others, one of his favorite things.

Ochako like most female characters of the series was handled badly, but the main problem lays in 431 more than the other chapters: I started explaining my perspective and interpretation of 429 bc here we see what he wanted to do with these characters. He ended the series without confirming nor implying anything, and the "final romantic moment", the "moment to finally confess" was used instead to discuss about heroism beyond traditional pro heroism. He used her character to answer a question about heroes and helping others just bc you can, and decided to not pay attention to her romantic feelings outside of her fight with Himiko. She is pretty blank with Izuku as they have so many similarities, mostly after deciding to drop her goals about helping her family out, but to say the least, it was more interesting to see her having her own issues that were not related to Izuku at all, and Deku being there to support her and reinforce this idea of heroism.

With 431... gosh, there is so much to say. Its just weird to make them stop being as close as they used to, and have Himiko telling her she should live the life she wants (theres no literal mention about love btw, she doesnt tell her to love freely or something among those lines), as if she needs other characters to support hers for the narrative to not be as weak.

But tbh, its not like ppl could ever accept her out of that trope not matter if 431 never happened. With 430 ppl claimed the snow scene with them walking around in school uniforms was a date, and her collar was his mask, and they were dating since they were 16. Nothing there implied it, but most ppl cant see her outside of that -the focus on her crush is at fault, bc we got way too much of those, and ppl saw it mainly as ship tease instead of focusing on her dynamic with himiko, thinking she was there exclusively to make her confess or reveal that "love".

In fact, 431 only denies they ever dated or had thought about it, nor that they became closer than anyone else. Their relationship is now awkward bc they aren’t close anymore, idk why this was the decision they chose, but it definitely does not help the ship nor makes it romantic/likable.

[cleverthylacine]

I'm not well versed in Transformers, but who is your favorite Autobot? What's one thing that if Hasbro called you up right now and said they would do whatever you suggested, you tell them?

My favourite Autobot is easy because I don't like most of them very much. I love Decepticons.

It's either Jazz or Ratchet or Rodimus, depending on the phase of the moon and whether my brain is in RavWaves mode or Deadlock mode.

Jazz and Ratchet and Rodimus are all people who probably would have been Decepticons if it weren't for a stroke of fate.

I also love Rosanna, but she's a civilian and she's been in like 3 things, one of which almost everyone hates.

The problems with Autobots:

they tend to use the same colour schemes which makes them hard to tell apart

many of them are boring af

the Decepticon movement was a legitimate revolution against an extremely bigoted and oppressive government, and the Autobots were the liberals who patted them on the hand and said "we can do this the nice way" even though most of them were from social classes that were literally disposable.

some of them are fucking fascists

some of them are just such goodie two shoes rule bound characters you have to laugh (Star Saber in anything other than IDW was probably the robot version of Sheldon Cooper once)

It's really only in TFA that I don't think Optimus Prime is a giant hypocrite. I don't hate him. I think he's an awesome character. I enjoy him a lot! I also write a lot of fic where he gets his aft handed to him, at least verbally.

But I don't really sympathise with him. Because even when he's unfailingly sweet, like in TFP, he's still...a part of the problem, not the solution.

In some series the Decepticons did become horrible and genocidal, which is wrong, of course, but that led in IDW at least to both sides playing atrocity chicken.

In other series the Decepticons are anti-human mostly because we're in their way and we like the Autobots. In the Bumblebee movie they never even wanted to come here, but they had to--it is Prime's fault that their war came to Earth.

If Hasbro was willing to do whatever I said I would ask them to create a series of all the femme characters most people don't know about. And not make them teeny tiny Core Class dolls. (I own a few of them because they're cute, but.)

I would get them to include Ravage now that ES has confirmed her for a femme. (She is ACAB, assigned cat at birth.)

This would also include:

Esmeral, who should really be a leaderclass because her husband is the size of a small planet (from the Victory manga)

General Strika, who is the least feminine female character in all of transformers and a butch goddess of war (from TFA and Beast Machines)

Botanica because she's cool AF

Rosanna and her evil twin Flipsides (Rosanna's in KP but both of them are in... TFA, I thought? For a heartbeat.)

Howlback (done like her twin sister Ravi, with biped-to-quad transformation that does not involve extra limbs hanging off, because both MMC and Xtransbots have done it just fine) from the Cobalt Sentries who never got a show

Lyzack (from Victory -- the twin sister of Leozack who defends the home front and is a teal and pink seeker)

Nautica (from the IDW comics, who is the most adorable of nerds even if she is Ravage's unwanted aemula/kismesis/hatecrush until they make friends)

the Megatronia combiner which includes Megaempress, Trickdiamond, Lunaclub, Flowspade and Moonheart)

Minerva (yes there's a legacy but it's tiny and they made it a walgreens exclusive)

Clobber (from Cyberverse)

Nightbird (G1 not ROTB)

Termagax (Megatron's mom from the IDW 2019 series)

I have nothing against Elita-1, Arcee, Windblade, Chromia, Moonracer and Slipstream but some people can name hundreds of male characters and only those six and not even all of them.

If I was also G-d of the Transformers franchise as a whole, I would revive Kiss Players, cut out all the bad sex jokes and dropped panties of teenagers, rename a few things -- we do not need a base called "the spiral vagina" -- and take the plot we were actually given in between sex jokes, which was very cool, and write it all out as a comic/story/cartoon. They did the plot in the last few episodes of the radio show after kind of leading up to it very slowly between dirty jokes.

Everyone says Kiss Players is the worst thing Transformers ever made. I'm sorry, that's RID 2015, which is a Transformers show for the "Blue Lives Matter" crowd where the entire plot of the show is to find all these low-class Decepticons who are from denigrated castes that escaped from a prison ship and throw them all back in jail. Like seriously fuck you very much.

I will take perverted panty jokes over asskissing the cops any day. Besides some of the stuff that looks so bad and gross looks so bad and gross because it is--you're not supposed to be down with it, you're supposed to guess that a certain person is being groomed looooong before she figures it out. and the main human characters are actually Secretly Lesbians

I'm sorry this is way more info than you asked for but this is my main hyperfixation other than thylacines, fossas, small wild cats that can't eat you, and other cute weird predators.

[classificationhell]

In your lucifer mourningstar au how would luci handle a reader who is very resourceful about learning and adapting new ways to get out. Like maybe reader watched him make one of his inventions and after seeing how he did it, reader uses what they learned, somehow gets a hold of his tools remembering what they saw him do and makes an invention to get them out of the castle? This was kinda inspired by watching YouTube inventors fixing or making their own or old inventions and showing how the different parts work.

Given how he mostly makes really weirdly modded rubber duckies I would say it'd be difficult though not impossible. Maybe some type of flying device? But this man is literally the definition of paranoia so even if Reader retained the information that was told to them. They'd have to find the time to use it. Mourningstar might not think to search their room for any missing parts or tools, but I'm not sure they'd even be able to get them without being noticed. Even after a while of Reader being there Mourningstar would likely be just as obsessed.

However, assuming Reader is somehow capable of playing the long con without succumbing to Stockholm then perhaps in a few good months he would begin working on things while Reader is napping as a surprise for when they wake up. If Reader can move around like a ninja while he's distracted and manage to hide a few parts or tools then maybe after another month or two they'd have emassed enough to try and pull off their own invention, however the problem then becomes using a few minutes during nap time to construct something very delicate and complicated and still being able to hide the evidence. Like I said not technically impossible but very time consuming and by that time they might have fallen to Stockholm because if Mourningstar catches a whiff of them being unhappy or dissatisfied he's going to double down on Daddy and forced daughter bonding and that could just completely ruin things. All in all I feel like it'd take roughly a full year for even one escape attempt and one is likely all that they would get because after the first time he's going to keep them closer than ever and, if he finds out it was them trying to run away, check their room for a decade or so just until they calm down and settle into their new home.

All of that being said the moment Mourningstar finds their precious little daughter is missing he is going to go nuclear. He's convinced the sinners have kidnapped them somehow, it's always their fault so how could it not be them?! The exorcists on extermination day will look like a walk in the park compared to the absolute devastation he will rain down upon them. He will systematically destroy each and every inch of the Pride ring woe be unto anyone who helps Reader because they will be made examples of no matter how much they beg, in fact begging would just make things worse because then it would be "oh these sinners have turned my baby girl against me T.T" Since sinners are restricted to the Pride ring it is only a matter of time before he or one of the many serpents he leaves behind him to keep an area clean of sinners and secure (as well as report back if they find Reader). Whether it be days or weeks he will find Reader and they'll know that all this destruction was their fault exclusively, not because Mourningstar will blame them or try and shame them but because they are so smart. In fact, if Reader had morals that outweighed self preservation they'd probably turn themselves in after one of the first raids.

Another thing to consider beyond his reaction would be the Reader's themselves. Because a bond has already formed it'd make leaving even more difficult. That coupled along with the fact the Reader would know nothing of how to hide their scent they would be ousted as an Omega almost immediately and the treatment that would follow may make Mourningstar's palace seem like paradise.

TLDR: Mourningstar would literally burn the entire Pride ring and everything in it down to the ground to get his baby girl back.

[hotforharrison]

I was journaling to get my feelings out when I realized that a lot of the things that have been making me chronically unhappy in my relationship with my husband over the past year or so have all been because of polyamory.

I'm constantly comparing myself to his girlfriend, feeling like I don't measure up and that I'm not good enough. I can't seem to stop.

It's bled heavily into what was our already not the greatest sex life because of hearing her (an issue that comes up again and again) and her...enthusiasm, and also his enthusiasm.

He says we're different and that it isn't a matter of preference over how she is, or any of his partners have been in the past, and how I am. It doesn't feel that way, though.

He wants to have an egalitarian polyamorous relationship with his girlfriend and me, other than in the legal aspects that he and I have shared since well before our relationship became polyamorous (like owning a home together, being married, that sort of stuff).

The egalitarian polyamorous relationship doesn't translate into reality very well, though. She's very clingy and needy, and he won't tell her to back off.

She gets Tuesday and Friday nights with him, after he gets off work. They spend the evening and then night together. I don't bother them, period, and wouldn't unless it was an actual emergency.

He's set aside Wednesday after he gets off work and night for me, which is one day a week compared to her two. I've been willing to accept that, even though it does feel unfair.

She knows it's my night, but she still calls during what's supposed to be our time together. Not because of an emergency or something coming up -- just to chat.

It happens every Wednesday without fail.

What also happens every Wednesday night, without fail, is that he doesn't just tell her he's spending time with me and that he'll talk to her later. They'll chat. Sometimes they'll chat for over half an hour, which he doesn't see a problem with.

Really, he dismisses all of the things she does or downplays them because he's still blinded by what I've heard referred to as "new relationship energy" (NRE) -- that phase where things with someone are new or relatively new, and you see everything relating to them and your relationship through rose colored glasses.

I've heard it usually wears off after about 3 years, and they've been together for 2.

He and I have been together for almost 17.

My "martyr complex" has also been an ongoing problem.

I've spent the past 2 years now sacrificing my own happiness because I want my husband and his girlfriend to be happy, and sometimes those things are mutually exclusive, especially when it comes to his girlfriend.

I did tell my husband, though, in very clear terms that I no longer consider her a friend and have no positive feelings toward her. My civility is fully and entirely for his benefit and because I love him.

My last straw was an unprovoked hateful Facebook comment she made on one of my posts about a month ago. The post was absolutely unrelated to her in any way, and it couldn't be construed as such, so she literally just made the comment to be mean.

I was forced to apologize for something in January that she was partially to blame for as well, but she was not forced to apologize for her comment that was entirely her fault.

The rose colored glasses strike again.

She's the one who's on his mind, too -- the person he tells good morning and good night every single day without fail. He drives a lot for work, and she's the one he talks to on his long drives now.

His high school reunion is later this year. It's in the state next to where my family lives, and we've talked for years now about me attending it with him and him meeting my nieces for the first time. My eldest niece is 13, and he hasn't met her yet.

He brought his reunion up the other night, only his plans have changed. He now wants to go with his girlfriend and for them to attend the reunion together and to meet some of her friends and family in another neighboring state.

I asked about our previous plans, and he acted like that was a conversation we'd never had, even though we'd repeatedly had it.

It was honestly rather heartbreaking to be replaced like that.

None of these problems would exist in a monogamous relationship.

I did discuss my feelings with him as calmly as I could, just to let him know where I was in my head, and we agreed that I'd talk about it with my counselor, figure out how I want to proceed.

He said he'd support me either way, that I do deserve to be happy, too, and shouldn't stay in a relationship that is just going to make me unhappy.

He would like for us to work things out ideally, but he understands that might not be possible, and he wants us to stay on good terms instead of either one of us developing animosity and resentment toward the other.

I'm grateful for that at least.

[twinsoftriumph]

(You do not need to answer this ask if you're not comfortable with it)

I am someone who followed you before you went on that huge hiatus back in 2020, I was a huge fan of your art because I loved the twins A Lot (still do to an extent), and your art style and interpretation of them was quite literally perfect. However, said hiatus started right as some individuals in skyblr were called out for holding some shitty opinions about queer discourse (Panphobia and aspec-exclusionism in specific) and these individuals were people you also associated it.

I do not want to seem entitled to know about this information, and I absolutely do not want to cause drama (which is why I'm sending an ask instead of making a post). It's just that finding out that you associated with these people and kept silent about it as they were called out for their harmful views was just...dissappointing.

I reiterate you do not need to answer this ask if you dont want to — I just want to know if you do not hold these same views or associate with people who do? At least as an aspec person I do not feel comfortable with following or interacting with someone who does, but also I am just a stranger on the internet 👍

Regardless of anything, I hope you have a good day/night

hope you don't mind me putting this under a read more since i wanted to give a decently thorough answer to this!

hello! i appreciate you sending an ask about this, and i don't have a problem with answering it. (also, thank you for enjoying my art!)

i will say up front that no, i am not any sort of exclusionist. i want to make this extremely clear right off the bat. i myself am actually on the ace spectrum, if it's any sort of comfort! but i've literally only ever explicitly stated this to like. two people. so i wouldn't fault you for not knowing (also i genuinely don't remember anything about ace exclusion stuff being part of the discourse?)

if you're asking for clarification on why my inactivity started around the same time as the discourse, it was for mental health reasons unrelated to the blog. i won't get into specifics but it involved stuff like dropping out and having to go to therapy (doing better now though). this was something that was building up for a while and i genuinely have no idea how i managed the amount of activity i did when first starting the blog LMAO. i was also fed up with some sky-specific problems.

i know the point of your ask is to ask about my own views, but if it's of any interest to you, in 2021, the main person involved publicly and privately apologized and said she doesn't hold her old views. thus, OP of the blocklist deleted it.

i do understand that at the very least, some affirmation for my mutuals, followers, friends and general audience at the time would have been valued; i do apologize for not saying anything at the time! i hope my words now can at least ease any feelings of uncertainty anyone may have toward me, but it's very much up to the individual.

ultimately, i do not find value in making assumptions about one's label, including the circumstances in which it was chosen, an individual's feelings toward their own label, that sort of thing! so again, i am not an exclusionist, and i want my blog to be a safe space. i've been hoping to clarify this but wasn't sure when or how i should do it, so i hope this suffices. you have a good one as well :)

[absentia-misere]

This is probably such a crazy autistic take but if my husband would simply yell at his video games in a fem voice it would erase at least half of my daily stress.

Nothing quite triggers me like a masculine voiced raised. It's not y'all's fault of course, it's exclusively my father's fault, but nonetheless deep voices being loud in an angry manner make me physically curl into a ball and sob, even if it's not directed at me. It's literally what PTSD is, I know it's dumb and irrational and yet-

Anyway when did we lose our concept of inside voices? I am autistic and I have a complaint.

Okay you died in a video game. Okay it's frustrating. Even like a loud, frustrated "damn it" makes complete and perfect sense to me bc some video games are literally just hard to piss you off on purpose. I don't get why that's "fun" but I get that it's a thing. But screaming sentences at ai monsters in a single player game like youre back in seventh grade in a fucking cod lobby when your wife is trying to exist peacefully (and often literally sleeping) a few feet away is just rude.

I'm sure I'm biased but not a single woman I have ever dated has been like this and every single dude I have ever dated has eventually turned into this even if they didn't like video games when I met them. Wtf is up with that. Like literally even the one trans dude I dated turned into a gamer bro this shit is plague upon men at all. Fr.

How to solve this? If he put on a goddamn falsetto it wouldnt even register to me. If he didn't purposefully lower his voice to sound intimidating to the inanimate object then it literally wouldn't bother me. My mother yelled at the TV my entire life- her favorite past time was loudly pointing out inconsistencies in shows and movies. She was a walking cinemasins with anger issues and that has *never* upset me.

Is this sounding entitled? Well remember that these are things my husband and I have explicitly discussed within our specific relationship and it's not entitled to expect people to listen to you, believe you, and avoid your triggers after you sit down and talk specifically about this problem of their own volition.

Long story short men should stop fucking yelling it's goddamn annoying

[collymore]

Yet there're those stupidly and smugly maligning the moral usage of machetes!

By Stanley Collymore

The standard British sense of justice   and fair play, even when evidently     it's totally misplaced and really     unquestionably unwarranted, is risibly     obviously only relevant and therefore should, as such, be exclusively really     only be reserved in the sick thinking     among the recurring scum crucially     infesting this apt, characteristically     oft-claimed purportedly green, and     really pleasant, country - you know     the kind: the nasty, vile plethora of   Karens and the simply likeminded   literally cuckolded, azoospermiac,     Gammons oft generally, fathering     kids they didn't sire, and basically     obviously, unknowingly could not     have effectively done because of     their physiological condition - is     realistically only applicable when     the alleged victims are obviously     so, members of the monarchical     Windsor family; quite pertinently     their Darling buddies among the     elite membership, essentially of     the British and quite likeminded     foreign aristocracy and, as well,     those who're very supportive of     this crucially pernicious Middle     Ages Mindset, mentality; since,     all else is very undeniably alien     in every rational capacity, to all     those essentially, totally bereft     of all sane, canny perspicacity!

Consequently, to such sorts of     persons what disgracefully,     and unjustly, to everyone     else but themselves, happened to the     Post Office Horizon victims, naturally     isn't worth remedying? For assuredly     otherwise, as soon as it realistically became known, what had distinctly     evidently happened, obviously that     this indisputably, senior leadership     of the Post Office had very literally     so, undoubtedly purposely hidden     the ensuing problem; everyone of     those court convictions, ought to     have been naturally and instantly     rescinded and the CPS forced to     review the respective cases. But     this literally, and unquestionably     after all this time really odiously     hasn't occurred with the awfully     vile, and guilty persons crucially     at fault for all these Post Office     victims convictions, untouched     and at large in our society; with     the obvious, aggrieved families obligatorily when they honestly     ought not to, actually forced to     spend both money and literally     valuable time too undoubtedly,     clearing their names basically!

(C) Stanley V. Collymore     10 October 2023.

Author's Remarks:     My sincere and irrefutably, unequivocal condolences to the grieving widow of the late William Quarm who in her own words died a broken man; likewise also his family members and close friends; this essentially in full addition to all the several innocent victims who were, too, wrongly convicted and very regrettably in the case of a number of them simply took their own lives.

When therefore will those quite patently responsible for what really, undoubtedly inhumanly and so actually disgracefully really occurred to every one of these much victimized persons see on their part the "justice" they were so keen to obviously have meted out to these quite faultless employees, clearly justifiably applied to themselves?

High time to obviously, publicly identify the entire lot of them and effectively as well prosecute them in court; but failing that then essentially obligatorily natural justice should be meted out to them all. As I see no earthly reason why the very odious likes of Paula Vennels, basically one of the chief culprits should actually be enjoying life!

[lordgoretash]

I have an answer to this! Well, a series of answers. Because it's me, I'm one of the people who wanted to see it handled quite a bit differently. But before we get started, I'm not sure that what I mean by more slave representation and what you think when you hear more slave representation are necessarily the same thing. I will go into more what I actually would want as I talk about the problems I had with the presentation of slavery as it is, but it doesn't mean more chains and whips or whatever you may be picturing.

First problem: I was deeply uncomfortable with how white savior-y the Shadow Dragons come across. The people who are treated as actual characters with actual lives that matter, as well as being the ones making all the decisions, are two politicians, a cop, and a guy who is described as a "proud Altus". And also the kid of a rich military family, if you are playing the Shadow Dragons Rook. And this is never treated as a problem in any way. They are here to save the day from on high without actually having any real input from the people who they claim to be helping. This could literally be fixed by making one major Shadow Dragon npc with as full a story as our other Shadow Dragons contacts who is a former slave and having that come up in dialogue. Just anything to make it less about the wealthy elite fixing everything for the downtrodden masses. Make it less about freedom being something given at the benevolent whims of those already in power.

There was ONE former slave who we meet as part of the Shadow Dragons, and she's outside doing money making service work, while the people who legally would be allowed to own her are the ones inside making all the decisions. And we only find this out through a codex, because she's a vendor, not someone we can have an actual conversation with.

Which brings me to my second problem: Most of the rest of the slaves we encounter are literally nameless victims, often already ritually murdered by the time we get there. They aren't treated in the narrative as real people. The people who are being oppressed are there to serve their social betters or to be rescued or die, but are never given a voice, let alone seat at the table. Again, having a Shadow Dragon who is a former slave with as full of a backstory as our other Shadow Dragons contacts would basically fix this. Or a companion, like Fenris in DA2. Or literally any major character who is or has been a slave. And finally: All of the slavery we do see is exclusively a Venatori practice. Technically there are a couple of codexes that suggest there is other slavery, but that is not what the game really presents. Which is part of an overall problem with Veilguard, where it wants to present every bad thing as the fault of small group of evil lunatics, brushing the entire existence of any systemic oppression under the rug. Which, as someone who experiences systemic oppression several different ways, pisses me off.

So spread it out a little. Have a side quest where it turns out the evil blood mage sacrificing people isn't part of the secret society. Or let us meet and talk to a slave or former slave whose master didn't have any secret handshakes. Or even some of the npcs in Docktown who have in passing dialogue. Let the actual narrative of the story reflect the fact that this is a societal problem in Tevinter, not just one freaky cult.

I'm not looking for more torture porn (and honestly could do without the way some of it was displayed, especially at Tearstone Island.) And I don't think that former slave Shadow Dragon Rook is the best way to solve the problems I have with it; it's just the easiest to headcanon in without actually having to make any real changes so I can see why people often lean into that first. But that doesn't mean the game wouldn't have benefited from having a character or two who was actually enslaved at some point.

Pardon my Orlesian but why the FUCK are some of y'all so obsessed with the idea of graphic slave representation in Veilguard in a “I need it to be in my face” kind of way and “Rook should have had a slave origin choice, especially wrt the Shadow Dragons” comments and like.

Who and what are these trains of thought helping.

I need to know why you think this would be a value add and what kind of enrichment it's contributing to your enclosure. Be very explicit. Explain to me like I'm five. Cite sources too, like I want to make sure we played the same game.

[susiephone]

Imagine thinking that wanting straight people to be accepting of gay people is a "trap" and not like, literally THE entire goal of the modern LGBT rights movement since its inception

okay. this is in response to me saying “respectability politics is a trap.” which it absolutely is.

but i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt here. let’s define respectability politics, shall we?

several people who are more well-spoken than me have talked about this. to quote this article on the subject:

Respectability politics is a school of thought that utilizes respectability narratives as the basis for enacting social, political, and legal change.

Respectability narratives are representations of marginalized individuals meant to construct an image of the marginalized group as people sharing similar traits, values, morals with the dominant group.

essentially, respectability politics is when people in a marginalized group (queer people, disabled people, people of color) wish to be accepted by the majority, and thus present themselves in a way and behave in a way that the majority deems acceptable - and pressure others in their marginalized group to do the same. for example:

“Not all bisexual people are sluts, I’m bi and I’ve been in a committed relationship for 20 years!”

“I’m gay, but I’m not one of THOSE gay guys, I hate shopping and I don’t like to flaunt my sexuality at all!”

“Lesbians aren’t really all masculine, I love makeup and having long hair.”

(I’m using examples I’ve seen in the queer community because I’m queer; I know this happens a lot in communities of color, but I am not qualified to speak on that at all.)

this stems from a desire to be accepted by the majority; for the purposes of this discussion, straight people. we hear straight people say things like “i could never date a bi person, they’re all cheaters” or “i don’t mind gay guys, don’t just shove it in my face” and “why don’t lesbians act like women if they love them?” and, in response, some people go, “i don’t act like that!! you can accept me! i fit in! i’m respectable, i’m not like those guys, they embarrass us!”

there’s also a lot of people saying, “don’t reinforce the stereotype.” as if it’s OUR fault straight people stereotype us.

so this leads to shaming within our own community:

“You’re bi and polyamorous? Wow, way to make people think we’re all two-timing whores.”

“Makeup? Jesus, we get it, you’re gay, you don’t have to make it a pride parade every time you go out.”

“You look like a teenage boy, this is why everyone lesbians aren’t real women.”

and that all boils down to:

“THIS is the example you’re setting? This is the face you show to the world? Don’t you know you’re representing us? No wonder they don’t respect us.”

and that’s the real problem: telling other queer people, “it is YOUR fault you’re not accepted, YOU aren’t acceptable, YOU reinforce these stereotypes, YOU should try and be more respectable, more normal.” and the thing is, “normal” is defined by the majority. THEY decide what is acceptable behavior for us. and guess what? 

most of the time, that boils down to, “It’s fine if you’re different... as long as you’re as close to what I deem normal as possible. As long as I can’t tell you’re different.”

in the queer community, this sort of thinking has led to the exclusion of butch lesbians, femme gay men, nonbinary people, non-passing trans people, trans people in general, people who use any pronouns besides she/her and he/him, bisexual people, ace people, aro people, pan people, polyamorous bisexual people, people who have an active sex life, sex workers, people who have changed how they identify, and countless others. these people get shoved aside by the Good Respectable Gays, who are eager to say, “We’re not like them, we’re just like you!” in order to be accepted by the mainstream. and it still doesn’t work. even the most macho, would-never-guess-it gay guy is bound to face some level of oppression or otherness at some point in his life. it doesn’t matter how much he fits in, how much he distances himself from the Unacceptable Queers; it won’t work 100% of the time. how’s that for a punchline?

there is no point in trying to file off the “unacceptable” parts of our community just to please straight people. 

if a person hates all queer people, no matter how they act or present, they’re a homophobe.

if a person doesn’t hate queer people, just the ones who shove it in your face and sleep around and won’t shut up about it and buck gender norms and use weird pronouns and expect people to learn their new name and change their identity every week... they’re still a fucking homophobe.

and why the fuck are we trying to please homophobes, again?

so when people say lil nas x is bad, actually, because he “reinforces the stereotype” of gay people going to hell and thinking a lot about sex or whatever, they’re playing right into respectability politics. why can’t he just talk about his sexuality in a normal way? why can’t he express himself in a nicer way? why does he have to use that imagery? why does he have to make straight people uncomfortable?

lis nas x is a gay black man who grew up being told he’d burn in hell for being gay. and he made an awesome song with a legendary music video saying, “fine. i’ll go to hell, just like you want, and it’ll be great. i’ll take the damn place over and make satan fall in love with me. and i’ll have a great time doing it, because i’m proud of who i am, and i won’t apologize for it or be ashamed of it anymore.”

to see that and wring your hands, worrying that a straight person will see it and decide to be homophobic about it, and pinning the blame for that on nas is missing the point.

every time we as a community make ourselves lesser or change the way we present just to be accepted by the majority, they move the goalposts, and someone else gets left behind. and the beautiful thing about the queer community is that there is a place for everyone who is left out in the cold by the straight, cis majority.

“We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” was the rallying cry for a reason. we’re different, you think we’re weird, you think we’re deviant, you don’t get us, and that’s fine, you don’t have to get us. we’re not going anywhere. get used to it.

respectability politics is a game you cannot win. so stop playing.