#this is specifically the fault of those two anons who started talking about it in my inbox

[ilium-ilia]

):<<<<<

[bucketbueckers]

ONLY MINE

pairing: azzi fudd x fem!reader

content: filth, azzi and reader are just down bad asf there's no real top just vibes, nipple play, ab riding, oral, teasing, freaked out as fuck, academic validation as aftercare, kinda short and not proofread 😕 i apologize to paige bueckers and paige bueckers only

wc: 5.3k

synopsis: After bombing your most recent thermodynamics quiz, you’ve been locked in and busy on practice sets and worksheets in preparation for the next one. Maybe a little too busy, in fact, because your girlfriend is feeling needy and neglected, and, well, who are you to deny her any longer?

notes: i am not an engineer. yes i spent 10 minutes scrolling through sample thermodynamics practice sets to find a word problem that appears once (1 time) in this fic. im not just committed to the bit. i am married to it. yaps aside, i am trying my hardest to be responsible and stay on top of my classes LMAO 😭 butttttt i hope you like this ⬇️ anon (and good luck on your finals goat)!! im working on time management so i definitely will not be writing as much as i used to but i am still chronically online. feel free to send in an anon to say hello but as always i hope y'all like this one and happy pazzi hard launch day to those who celebrate 🫶

Saturated liquid water enters an orifice at a pressure of 100 psia and is throttled to a lower pressure of 20 psia. Determine the outlet temperature (F) and the specific entropy difference (Btu/lbm-R) between the outlet and the initial status. Assume steady state, steady flow, negligible heat transfer, and negligible changes in kinetic and potential energy.

“What the fuck,” you whisper to yourself, hopelessly lost.

The word problem stares unblinkingly at you. You’ve been meticulously working through this problem set for the past five hours, only pausing to use the restroom, refill your water bottle (because apparently you hydrate really well when you don’t know what the fuck’s going on), and grab a healthy, energizing snack (a handful of Starburst), but it’s starting to feel like you’ve been staring at this worksheet for years.

You never really struggled this much with a class. Math, physics, chemistry, you name it – there was always a pattern that you were good at isolating and exploiting. It made solving problems a lot easier, but thermodynamics? Figuring it out was taking a lot out of you. To make matters worse, nothing seems to help, either. Not even your go-to tutors on YouTube who could explain quantum physics to a five year old with little difficulty.

At this point, you’re convinced it’s just some weird energy in the universe that has severed the connections between your brain cells. This couldn’t possibly be your fault. You bombed your thermodynamics quiz on Wednesday, which was strange because you’d walked into the lecture hall with the confidence of a man who was sure he knew where the clit was. Maybe you were a little tense – who wouldn’t be? You were juggling four classes, a TA position for a calculus course, and research into reaction engineering.

A heavy workload never deterred you, though. Not to the point of failing a quiz you thought you’d pass with flying colors. And nothing else had really changed for you either. Your routine was basically the same, you studied for the same amount of time, exercised and ate properly. Your girlfriend, Azzi, did have a string of away games that kept her out of Storrs for about a week and a half, but saying she’s the reason for your poor performance is kind of ridiculous, even if you do sleep better when it’s next to her or because she always listens to you ramble even if she has no idea what you’re talking about.

Now, Azzi is back, and she doesn’t have another away game for about two weeks. That’s a fact that would otherwise excite you, but you’re just trying to pass your classes. Your scholarship relies on your GPA, and without your scholarship, you might as well kiss UConn goodbye. You and Azzi were always intentional about understanding each other’s schedules. Basketball was demanding, possibly more demanding than engineering considering travel and recovery, so the both of you tried to maximize the amount of time you were able to spend together, even if it just consisted of Azzi quietly watching film next to you while you worked through your homework.

After burying your head in your hands, rubbing your temples, and reminding yourself of how sexy future you would look sitting courtside at one of Azzi’s WNBA games, chatting with the other WAGs like, “Oh, Dr. Fudd? Yes, that’s me,” you reach for your iPad with a deep sigh, rereading the word problem once more. Then you write down what you know. P₁ = 100 psia. P₂ = 20 psia.

Your hand stalls. You check the formula sheet, the swirl of letters and deltas and constants making your head ache. You blink again.

Your pen falls onto the couch cushion next to you as you heave another shuddering sigh, feeling like you’re about to crash out. You can’t fathom why this is so difficult for you.

Azzi’s voice is sudden, soft – it would otherwise startle you if you weren’t ready to be swallowed up by the ground and never return to earth. “I think you need a break,” she says, her voice coming from somewhere behind you, and you can hear the gentle footfalls of her sock-clad feet as she makes her way closer to you. Her hands find your shoulders, kneading gently, and you sigh again – this time in relief – as you melt into the couch.

“Can’t,” you mutter, grunting when her thumb catches on one of the knots. “I’ve already taken like…a million just from zoning out and losing my mind. Wasted enough time.”

You don’t have to see her face to visualize the amused, if not slightly concerned smile gracing her lips. “Are you not also wasting time by forcing yourself to work when it’s getting you nowhere?” she murmurs, her lips closer to your ear now. For that, you truly have no rebuttal, and she presses a lingering kiss to the edge of your jaw. Humming to yourself, you tilt your head, baring your throat, and her lips trace a deliberate path down the curve of your neck.

Her hands leave your shoulders, smoothing down your chest, and you intertwine your fingers together, getting lost in the heady scent of her perfume. You’d missed her – you really did. You and Azzi have been together long enough that you’re used to her having to travel a lot, but sometimes, it takes a little bit longer for your body to catch up and get the memo, too.

“Take a break,” Azzi whispers, her tone pleading, edged with a sort of neediness that makes you want to give in. You almost do – the warmth of her lips against your skin and the weight of her hands over your chest turning your brain into mush. “Let me take care of you. You’ve been so busy lately. You’re wearing yourself out.”

The first part of her statement has you ready to turn off your laptop and give Azzi whatever she wants from you. But the second? All it does is remind you about the quiz you’d just failed, the fact you have another quiz in less than a week, and how you’re not any closer to understanding the material. It sobers you instantly.

“Later,” you whisper, feeling a little guilty. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to spend time with Azzi – God, it’s all you’ve wanted to do since she got back to Storrs, but you knew you’d just fall into shitty time management problems if you didn’t get your work done.

“Babe,” Azzi complains, her tone exasperated and needy all at once. Her grip on you tightens ever so slightly, leaning fully against the couch to press her cheek to your temple. You fall back into her, your eyes slipping shut despite yourself.

“Sorry, Az,” you say apologetically, turning your head slightly to kiss the closest patch of skin you can reach, which happens to be the hinge of her jaw. She sighs softly, then brushes her lips across your forehead before releasing you. You miss the contact immediately but she makes her way to the front of the couch and sits down on the cushion next to you. Intertwining your fingers to get her attention, you squeeze her hand gently. She glances over, doe eyes wide, simmering with a heat and want that makes your stomach flip. “Let me finish this problem, then I’m yours. I promise.”

She crosses one leg over her knee, a petulant expression on her face as she sinks into the cushions. “Better be worth it, Dr. Fudd,” she grumbles, which makes you smile a little. You plant a chaste, innocent kiss on her lips, smirking when she chases after you. You release her, reaching for your pen and your iPad again, but you swear you hear her muttering under her breath, “Cockblocked by an engineering assignment. This is what I get for dating a smart person.”

Her indignance and impatience amuses you, which just motivates you to finish this problem as quickly as you can. You start over again, rereading the problem and isolating the facts that you know. You check your formula sheet again, struggling to find the one you need given what you have and what variable you want to solve for. All the while, you can feel Azzi’s gaze on you, dark and beseeching. It honestly makes it difficult to focus – knowing you have your very needy girlfriend sitting on the couch next to you and begging for one ounce of attention, but you know she’ll thank you later when you’re a super rich engineer and you build her a custom library in the house you’ll share together.

(Granted, she’ll be a super rich baller, so she wouldn’t exactly be hurting financially without you and she could get the library, but as long as you were around, you were committed to ensuring that Azzi wouldn’t have to lift a finger.)

Azzi allows you to struggle in peace. You make zero progress, just as she predicted. You read a few pages in your textbook. You watch a YouTube video on the process and still, you get nowhere. Already feeling a little frustrated, you try another approach.

But then Azzi’s palm finds your thigh. It breaks your focus immediately – not like it wasn’t already hanging by a thin thread – and you glance over at her, one brow raising in amusement. She doesn’t look the least bit remorseful about distracting you; in fact, she’s wearing a smug little smile that breaks down all of your defenses. “You promised, Az,” you remind her.

“You promised, too,” she declares. The confusion must be clear on your face because she explains, “Girlfriend code. You have a duty to give me attention.”

“Oh, do I?” you echo, biting your lip to stifle a smile.

Azzi’s dead serious, though. Her eyes meet yours, temptation laced in her pupils, a pout tugging at her lips. You’re not sure how you’re supposed to stand your ground against that, but you have to pretend to have some sort of academic responsibility.

“You do,” she confirms. “Agreed to it when you said you loved me, in fact.”

“I wasn’t aware that was in the fine print,” you respond, tangling your fingers with hers before she has the chance to inch her palm further up your thigh.

Azzi narrows her eyes at you. “Well, it is,” she insists. “And I want you.”

“Is that what this is about?” you murmur teasingly. “My girl needs me?”

Azzi nods, her expression a devastating mix of hopeful and needy, and it makes you ache. But you glance down at your iPad, at the word problem staring back at you — unsolved — and you hate yourself for what you do next.

You kiss her again, your free hand reaching to cup her jaw, and she melts into you instantly. You draw back just before it grows too intense, murmuring, “After this problem.” You’re sure that Azzi almost fucking growls, her brows drawing together tightly. In any other situation, you’d find it endearing, but you can’t help but feel guilty. You have work to do, and you know that Azzi wouldn’t let you rest until the sun is in the sky again. “Sorry, baby.”

But Azzi is out of rationale — and patience. She leans away from you long enough to shut the lid of your laptop on the coffee table, then she yanks your iPad out of your hands. It lands somewhere on the far end of the couch as your pen clatters harmlessly onto the floor, rolling somewhere out of view, and you hardly have the time to react before Azzi straddles you in one quick motion. Her lips are on yours immediately. You gasp, hands reaching out to grip her hips, and she swallows the moan that tumbles from your mouth.

Her hands are around your neck, drawing you in closer to her, yours roaming across her sculpted thighs, tightening in the loose fabric of her shorts. They ride up on her legs the more she presses against you and you take advantage of the miles upon miles of tanned skin laid before you. It makes you keen, sighing into her mouth, and Azzi slips her tongue inside, brushing against yours.

It’s all heat from there — Azzi’s hips roll against yours in a slow, methodical grind, her fingers trailing down your chest to tangle in the hem of your shirt. She breaks away from your mouth, lips swollen, spit-slick and urgent as she mutters, “Off, please.”

You don’t have the words to deny her, not that you would in the first place. Not when you can feel the heat of her core against your thigh, the dampness that’s seeped through her underwear and shorts all at once. Pulling away from her, you raise your arms, allowing her to pull your shirt off, intent on getting your hands back on her, but Azzi stops you with a palm to your chest — your bare chest, having neglected a bra for comfort that morning. 

Her eyes are glazed over, pupils dark and wanting. The way she stares shamelessly would make you feel insecure and vulnerable if you weren’t able to read the desire in her features, the way her jaw goes slack at the sight of you. It’s not new — Azzi has seen you in various states of undress over the course of your relationship. A sheer bikini on cruises, in nothing but her jersey and a flimsy pair of her boxers, or as naked as the day you were born. It doesn’t matter how many times Azzi has sat upon your lap with your breasts cupped in her hands like she’s holding the world in her palms – she thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, and if you had any sensibility, you’d probably ask, “Has she seen herself?”

Not wanting to be alone in your nakedness, you reach for the hem of Azzi’s shirt, glancing up at her through your lashes for permission. She nods quickly and you don’t waste anymore time before pulling the dark blue shirt off of her, your own jaw going slack as you take her in. She’s all muscles and tanned skin, firm sinew in most places yet soft in others. You want to get your hands on her immediately, so you do – pressing heatedly against her stomach, grazing her belly piercing and the curve of her waist, pulling her flush against you like you can’t get enough of her skin against yours.

She reaches for your wrists to pull your hands off of her body. You make a noise of protest, but she silences you with a deep kiss, insistent and hungry as she shifts to the side, tugging you down on top of her now as she positions herself against the pillows and the armrest at the end of the couch. The change has your head spinning, especially when Azzi pushes her knee between your legs, the muscle of her thigh dragging against your clit in a way that’s almost devastating.

Your entire body is pulsing, suddenly aware of the need building in your body. It feels like it’s taken root in your bones. Like all you’ve needed these past few weeks were Azzi, not anything else. And judging by the way her fingers slip under the waistband of your sweatpants, pressing firm against your skin and tugging the restricting material down? Azzi is more than willing to give herself to you – in whatever way you need it.

You try to grind down onto Azzi’s thigh, searching for the contact, but she takes your hips in your hands, perching you precariously over her body, only inches away from what you need. You break away from her lips long enough to brush your mouth across her jaw, finding her ear to beg, “Please, Az, need it.”

A smirk curls her lips, slow and smug. The tables are turned now – she’d spent so long asking for you to put your assignment down, and now you’re the one pleading for her to touch you. Azzi is a competitor by nature. You may never truly understand how much she enjoys watching you break beneath her.

“Where have I heard that one before?” she murmurs, dragging heated kisses across your chest, lips wrapping around a nipple as you open your mouth. Your next words get caught in your throat, a moan taking its place, and you curl a hand around Azzi’s neck, pulling her closer to you.

“‘M sorry, baby,” you gasp in between stuttered breaths, your hips twitching when she bites gently at your bud. Azzi hums against you, sending vibrations up your spine as your body arches into her mouth and her wandering hands. Remembering where you are, you allow your hands to drop from Azzi’s neck down to her waist, fingers hooking into the band of her shorts. “Lemme make it up to you,” you plead, trembling with need. You want so badly to pull these shorts off of her, but she hasn’t given you the all clear yet. You may be the one on top and the one who wants to please her, but if she wasn’t going to allow you, there was little you could do.

“I wonder if I could make you come like this,” Azzi mumbles instead, releasing your nipple with a wet pop, and one of her hands reaches up to rub the spit across the bud while her lips trail to the other one, biting gently to make you shudder. Your breath catches, hips still hovering overs hers. “Dripping all over me while I take my time. Do you think I could?”

“Fuck,” you whimper, arching into her hands again, moaning when she pinches you with the right amount of pressure to send white hot desire to your core. Your head falls onto her shoulder, fingers abandoning her waistband to brace yourself against the couch cushion for stability. “Whatever you want, Az, just make me come – please.”

It wouldn’t take much. You’re already worked up, both from Azzi’s efforts and the stress of the week melting away into something softer. You hadn’t realized how much you truly needed this – the break away from your homework to breathe and just be. But you feel Azzi’s smile growing against your skin, her tongue poking out from her lips to circle your nipple, before she whispers, “Another time, maybe,” and she pulls you onto her bare stomach.

The first press feels like fire. It punches a gasp out of you, pleasure and relief coursing through your veins in simultaneous streams. Azzi’s abs are firm, inviting, and you rut against them desperately, needing to get off. Your aching clit catches against the piercing on her navel and a wrecked moan spills from your lips. Azzi’s muscles contract, providing you with a harsher slide, and your eyes all but roll into the back of your head when she carefully bites down on your nipple, her fingers rolling the other.

The free hand not occupied with your chest curls around your waist, helping pull you down against her. Eventually, Azzi begins to control your pace as you’re struggling to keep yourself up, and the sensations are overwhelming in the best way possible. You’re impossibly wet, sliding against Azzi’s stomach with little resistance, angling your hips to get the best friction against your clit. You wrap your arms around her neck, tears pooling in your eyes because it feels so good, and holding on is all you can do, moaning breathlessly into her ear.

Azzi pulls away from your chest with a wet noise, her lips swollen and slick, eyes glazed over with want. It makes you breathless for an entirely different reason now. You’re the only person who gets to see Azzi like this, needy and determined to make you fall apart. You were the first, but to know that you’re also the last? You will your hips into a firmer grind, the slight possessiveness making your head spin.

But then she releases you, something dark, smug, but also reverent clouding her expression. “Take it,” she murmurs, leaning back against the armrest slightly. She’s no longer holding you up by the hips, but her hand lingers at your chest, tweaking and pulling your bud until it juts out firmly, wet with her spit. “You wanted this so bad? Show me. Take it.”

Groaning, you tighten your grip on her shoulders, pressing yourself further against her body for stability as you rock into her. Her face is screwed up, sweat beading at her temples, and you can’t be sure if it’s from the heat of the room or from the sheer determination of clenching her abs. Either way, you can’t stop yourself from pressing your lips to hers, swallowing her indulgent moan as you chase your high. 

Her piercing catches against your clit again, causing you to lose your rhythm momentarily. Azzi bites your lip once in warning as she orders, “Faster.” Your thighs and core burns from the exertion, but the desire coursing through your veins motivates you. When your pace returns to her liking, she rewards you with a blinding smile and a “So good for me, baby. You wanna come?”

You nod shakily against her, forehead pressing into hers, and she kisses you once more – slow, lingering, filthy like she’s trying to memorize the way you taste when you’re desperate for her. Azzi takes your hips in her hands again and she aids in your rhythm, pulling you onto her harshly, drawing you closer and closer to your orgasm until a cry rips from your throat. “So close, Az,” you whine, meeting her eyes. They’re more black than brown, her pupils blown wide, and the sheer need reflected there makes you weak. “Please, please, please, Azzi.”

“Let go,” she murmurs, her voice dangerously sweet compared to the way she’s dragging you across her stomach. “Take what you need. Gonna give it to you, you know that.”

And that’s all you need. You rut against her once more, twice, your jaw dropping with pleasure, body tingling as you fall apart over her. You press your lips to hers to silence your cries and she swallows each and every whimpered sound like it energizes her. She’s still guiding you, her movements slowing now, letting you ride out the aftershocks as you come back down to earth. You’re a little boneless, your forehead pressing to her clavicle, and she ghosts a kiss across your temple as she rubs your back soothingly.

Clearly, Azzi can’t seem to help herself, because she presses a smile to the crown of your head as she jokingly mutters, “So much better than homework, right?”

You roll your eyes, laughing, and you try to not think too hard about the fact that your throat feels scratchy and rough. “Much better,” you agree, feeling the weightlessness and ease seep into your bones, something deliciously heavy and comforting that makes you feel refreshed. New. “You’re so needy. Couldn’t wait twenty minutes.”

Azzi gasps indignantly. “I’ve waited like, two weeks!” she exclaims, nudging you halfheartedly. “A girl has needs, you know.” She says this last part with a snooty raise of her nose, which makes you shake your head, giggling again as you press a chaste, innocent kiss to her lips. She chases after you when you pull away, but the distance makes her eyes narrow, brows pulling together like she’s just realized something. “You couldn’t wait either. It was all ‘please, Azzi,’ this, ‘make me come, Azzi,’ that. You’re dirty.”

That makes you lean away from her, disbelief in your features. “Me?” you echo, aghast, fully aware that the both of you are arguing like toddlers at this point. “You’re dirty. You made me ride your abs–” Azzi raises a challenging brow which has you backtracking immediately. “Okay, I don’t know about made me. That was really hot, by the way.” You punctuate your point with another kiss, one that lasts not nearly long enough so you can get back to the point you were trying to make. “Also, you should probably disinfect your piercing.” Azzi hums, arms curling around your waist, and she ghosts her lips across your collarbone as you continue to defend yourself. “Either way, you’re still dirty.”

Azzi doesn’t say anything. She glances at you with an amused grin, then glances down at her stomach, where she glistens from a mixture of your slick and her sweat. Mostly your arousal, though. A flush creeps up your neck at the sight. You hadn’t registered how soaked she was. Having made her point, she swipes her finger through the mess, raising it to the light as if inspecting it. “You did this and I’m the dirty one?”

“Yes,” you deadpan, but the corners of your lips quirk up with amusement. Her smile softens, but morphs into one of confusion when you slide down her body, knees pressing into the cushions in between her legs. “Let me make it up to you?” you offer, palming her thighs, fingers slipping under the waistband of her shorts once more. You can tell that her breathing has picked up, her mood shifting as easily as you crawled down.

“Yes, please,” she affirms, lifting her hips to help you pull her shorts and boxers down in one quick motion. You groan to yourself when her cunt is revealed to you – she’s soaked, her arousal having seeped into the cotton of her boxers, and you press a quick kiss to the inside of her thigh. “Don’t tease me.”

“I would never,” you lie, and then tease her anyways. You avoid her cunt completely, opting to lick a thick stripe across her stomach, gathering the slick pooled there on your tongue.

It makes her hips jump up, her voice pitched and a little breathless with shock as she mutters, “Shit, baby…” You smile to yourself, glancing up at her through your lashes, taking in her wrecked expression and the way her pupils are blown wide. Azzi is gripping onto the couch cushion like she’s teetering on the edge of falling apart already.

You don’t stop until her stomach is clean. Before you can settle between her thighs again, she grabs you by the shoulders, hauling you up until she can kiss you again. Azzi deepens the kiss immediately, her tongue searching for yours, for the taste of you, and the moans greedily as you squeeze her hips.

When she breaks away for air, her chest is heaving, and she looks ruined, ready for you to give her what she’s been craving for two weeks. You plant a farewell kiss at the edge of her jaw before trailing your lips down her body, sucking hickeys into her skin, soothing each one with your tongue.

Finally, you reach her cunt, and the sight of her spread out before you makes your mouth water. She tangles her fingers through your hair, guiding you closer, and you don’t make her wait any longer before you kiss her clit gently, smiling when her hips buck. Your tongue swipes through her soaked folds, her body shuddering when you moan indulgently into her, and you wrap your arms around her thighs to keep her stabilized.

You fuck her like you’re starved – which you may as well be. Your nose brushes against her sensitive clit with every motion you make, making her cry out, her hand pushing you to the spot she likes as if you don’t know her body like the back of your hand. Still, you listen to the direction, allowing her to pull your head towards her clit. You suck it into your mouth, cheeks hollowing from the pressure, rubbing the broad side of your tongue over it when she moans softly.

Her thighs enclose around your head, the pleasure causing her hips to buck wildly, and this? You could die here, in between her legs, and you wouldn’t even be able to think of a better way to go out. Azzi’s cries are like music to your ears, her taste like nectar.

When her fingers tighten in your hair, her hips beginning to gyrate in search of her high, you press a little further into her, allowing her to grind against your tongue. Your hands rub soothing patterns against her abdomen, eyes slipping shut at the sound of her moans, and before you know it, she’s whining, “Close, baby.”

You take her free hand in yours, squeezing gently as her body trembles, and she holds onto you as she comes, her body melting into the couch cushions as you work her slowly, helping her come back down. You know Azzi gets oversensitive fast, so you listen for her cues, letting up on her when it becomes too much. Drawing back, you plant one last kiss to her thigh, her navel, her collarbone, then to her lips, where you feel her smile grow against you.

You smooth out her hair by her forehead where a few of the strands have escaped from the tie. Her eyes blink open, her gaze impossibly tender, her smile soft. It makes you fall a little bit further in love with her, which is probably a feat in and of itself. “Okay?” you whisper.

She turns her head to kiss your wrist. “Okay,” she confirms, wrapping her arms around your waist and pulling you flush against her. Then, in a quieter tone of voice, she confesses, “Missed you.”

You kiss her cheek, tucking your head into the crook of her neck. “Missed you too, Az,” you respond. “Never travel for two weeks ever again.”

She laughs gently, her nails skirting across your skin. “I’ll see what I can do.”

The both of you fall into a calm silence until you break it. “I’m sorry I neglected you,” you say genuinely, feeling a little remorseful. “I just wanted to get my work done, but I think I got a little too obsessive about it. You were right to say I wasn’t getting anywhere with it.”

“You know I understand your schedule,” Azzi says softly. “You have a lot to do. I just needed you.” She doesn’t say much else – and she doesn’t need to. That’s just the truth.

You smile a little as you kiss her jaw. “I know,” you murmur. “I’ll do better.”

She tightens her arms around you. “Good. You can start by helping me into the bathtub and ordering takeout.”

That makes you laugh, your nose brushing against her cheek. “Yes, ma’am.” The room goes quiet again, nothing but the gentle hum of the AC and your breathing filling the space. The drag of Azzi’s fingers against your skin lulls you into a sense of peace, the pressure alleviating from your shoulders, and –

You pause. Your eyes blink open, your gaze falling onto your iPad. Pressure?

Saturated liquid water enters an orifice at a pressure of 100 psia and is throttled to a lower pressure of 20 psia–

You close your eyes in disbelief, the gears in your brain turning at rapid speed. You’re so fucking dumb.

“Az,” you murmur. She hums, letting you know she’s listening. “Can I start a little later?”

“What?” she mutters, but you’re already reaching over to the coffee table, grabbing your iPad and the pen that had rolled under the table leg. Azzi sighs dramatically as she watches you open it, but she presses a smile to the crown of your head as you work through the calculations. It only takes you about a minute, but you circle your answer with finality, latching the pen to the magnet on the device and closing it. “An orgasm was all it took to get that brain working, huh?”

“Maybe,” you admit a little sheepishly.

“You’re lucky I love you,” she says with faux indignance, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

And all you can do is stare at her, a soft little smile on your face. Because you are. You really, really are.

[cinnamonest]

okok we’re all aware of the idea of diluc wanting a traditional housewife bla bla ok fine.. but IMAGINE his daughter, his beautiful, precious daughter darling who he’s been conditioning to becoming that ideal traditional housewife (he says he does it so you’re more charming to rich suitors in the near future buut he really just means himself) finally rebels against him. goes out drinking, partying, tries to attack monsters and men alike (poor diluc failed to notice how much she’s been hanging out with her uncle kaeya..) and now she’s starting to have arguments with him and talks back… gosh, imagine the heart attack he’d have.. bless his poor soul..

Your brain anon?? Impeccable, I see the vision

Envisioning it one of two ways — one, single dad Diluc that is struggling to rationalize your behavior, ultimately blaming it on your mother in some way. If she’s remembered fondly, perhaps her untimely death left you without a proper female figure, or if it was a less amicable relationship that spawned you, perhaps he blames himself for poor judgement, reproducing with someone who ultimately abandoned you both (which indicates very poor behavior in the genes and all).

He gives you chances to rectify your actions, tells you to behave in a way that honors the family, but you refuse. You continue to talk to boys (ones of a lower class than you at that!), even disappearing overnight with them, smearing the family name. It crushes him, makes him upset at you, makes him furious with them, to the point that he has to stop the murderous urges before they become too strong.

But they’re boys — of course they’re going to take the opportunity when you hand it to them like that. What, it’s not as if they should be expected to control themselves — the fault of it all falls on you, naturally.

If you're going to keep up the unsightly behavior, then, the only real option is to keep you confined to the home, where you can't embarrass him and disgrace the family name by whoring out and engaging in casual relations.

But the damage is done — you’ve already tarnished your reputation, he tells you, beyond the point of repair. He can’t arrange for you to be married at this point. Even if he did, you’d probably just make things worse by being an unruly wife, maybe even, gods forbid, continuing to run around and have affairs. Since you chose to bring matters to this point, the only option is to keep you at home, where he can monitor your behavior and actions, for the foreseeable future.

But alternatively, with wife!reader, the man is obsessive both towards you and your daughter, the latter platonically — but still, he can barely fathom the behavior he’s witnessing.

This is obviously the result of your influence. You're rubbing off on her, when he very specifically warned you that there would be consequences for not instilling good behavior. You've been teaching her what, to be some kind of temptress, rather than setting her up to be a good wife? Do you want to completely ruin her future?

He's one of those fathers that has a soft side for a (platonically loved) daughter, though, so he can't be too harsh on her… besides, it's ultimately your fault anyway, so it's only logical to punish you whenever your daughter is said to have slept with some boy or done something unsightly. You're the one that gets taken behind closed doors for 'talks’ about what you've done wrong and made to promise that you'll fix things, that you'll stop encouraging and allowing this behavior. It's for both of your sakes, after all.

[sleepingdeath-light]

relationship hcs ; black pearl cookie

requested by ; 🍾 anon (12/08/23)

fandom(s) ; cookie run

fandom masterlist(s) ; hub | specific

character(s) ; black pearl cookie

outline ; “black pearl relationship hcs ~ 🍾”

warning(s) ; some angst but mostly fluff!

black pearl cookie has been shaped by her negative and traumatic experiences with the outside world, so being able to build a relationship with her would be incredibly difficult — especially if you’re a complete stranger to her, but even if you knew her back when she went by another name (she’s put up a lot of walls and doesn’t trust easily anymore)

that being said once the two of you actually become a couple she is intensely protective over you and refuses to let you out of her sight — you’re her treasure, her beloved, the light of her life, and she refuses to lose you as she did her pearl, hence why she’s so stubborn about keeping you in her line of sight (even forgoing sleep at times when she has a feeling that a threat might be approaching)

it takes her a long time to feel comfortable taking on a smaller form with you, being reluctant to let go of the threatening aura and strength that her usual stature provides, but she deeply wants for a level of physical intimacy with you that is only possible if she’s smaller — so she compromises on that much (and you’re both so very grateful that she did)

she’s incredibly touch-starved and leans very heavily into physical touch as a love language once she’s at a place to accept and give it freely (it’s always been her primary language it’s just been tainted by her past is all) — and if you let her cuddle up to you and kiss her cheek and stroke her hair then she might just fall asleep

in terms of pet names she tends to use things like ‘treasure’ and ‘dear’ with you — such as asking you ‘is everything okay, treasure?’ or ‘are you hurt, my dear?’

it’s difficult for her to think about her past, but if you give her the time and space to discuss it then she’ll start to open up — wistfully recalling memories of her sisters and her home, trembling and tearing up as she chokes out the story of her betrayal, and distantly whispering about the years she spent isolated in the dusk gloom sea before she found you (hold her as she cries, comfort her, but don’t silence her — she wants to be open, let her speak, even if it’s difficult)

she would, and has, killed for you whether you know it or not — anyone who actively posses a threat to you, anyone who you’ve mentioned has caused you pain or strife, or even those that stray too close to the home you’ve made on an island in her home are all dealt with swiftly and effectively so that you never have to face any harm again

she’s loyal to a fault but she’s also jealous to the point of being outright territorial — and she doesn’t give any offenders a chance to explain (any and all threats to you and the relationship you share must be dealt with immediately after all) — but she also doesn’t tolerate anyone else trying to woo or flirt with her, seeing it as an insult to you and treating the guilty party accordingly

sometimes you’ll just catch her staring at you — whether it’s when you’re just waking up from a nap or a proper sleep with her resting on your chest and her body half submerged in the water, when you’re sat side by side and you’re talking about a passion of yours, or when you catch her big eyes staring up at you from the depths of the sea as you go about your day — and, whilst initially startling, it’s far from malicious and it’s simply because she’s so enamoured by you that she can’t help but stare (and sometimes she doesn’t even realise that she’s doing it, being far too caught up in her thoughts to notice)

[excalibur-gone-missing]

Hello, hope this message finds you well!!!

My birthday is tomorrow and I was wondering if I could request something for Wonwoo or Jeonghan,,, something that starts as angst and ends as fluff maybe? I've been feeling so shitty lately, sigh.

But also!!! I totally understand if you don't accept this req hehe

Have a good day/night ahead ❤️

P.S. if you accept anons, can I be 🦷 ?

Paring: wonwoo x fem!reader, jeonghan x fem!reader

Requested: yes

Genre: fluff, angst

Warning(s): cheating, a bit of violence

Summary: wonwoo cheats and jeonghan swoops in to save the day

Word count: 1.0k

Other works

Beta reader: none (its not proof read)

disclaimer: this is not the exact representation of the subjects in real life. I just use them for my inspiration.

a/n: I request each and every one of you to comment on this fic don't be a silent reader it helps me as an author to understand my readers and i would love to communicate with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcomed by me so do talk about this fic or send me an ask.

[permanent taglist] [only for those interested, don’t fill the form otherwise]

----

a/n 2: hey! happy birthday!! or advanced birthday! I wanted to post a proper fic, but as its your birthday, i didnt want to make you wait. so a drabble for i shall provide :)

plus i hope you feel better soon. im rooting for you!!!!!!

btw yes i accept anons, and i would love to talk with all of you! ✨✨✨✨

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Wonwoo is a busy man. I mean of course he is. The stelar kid of the family, the only child to get a medical degree and also the one to have a fiancé at the age of thirty-one ready to get married and start his own family.

The man was just the epitome of brilliance and was always diligent and hardworking. He was filled with back up plans and made more back up plans for those said back up plans. He was so into creating the perfect life for himself, he even made sure that he has another lady in store to be on the safe side because what if this one leaves him?

Now this is where you come to play. Unbeknownst to you the doctor you had been dating for the better half of two years, has already made plans for his happily ever after with another. What is more hilarious is the one said lover of his is none other than your distant cousin.

Being a woman with normal job that requires working for normal hours in the office, you accepted the fact that you would never understand the intensive hours these doctors work. Yes there were times when he was not called on his pager but his phone and was asked to immediately go to the hospital. Yes there were times when you had gone to the hospital to surprise him only to know that he was not there. And yes he specifically told you he wanted to keep the relationship private as all his coworkers are too nosy for their good.

Should you have figured out that the one guy you were madly in love with was already set to become the husband of other?

Yes

But did you?

Absolutely not!

Maybe that is why he kept you around, you were easy to lie to or were you just a good lay?

You would never know. Funnily enough you wouldn’t have know about the woman either if she wouldn’t have come to your house after your genius of a lover forgot to turn of his location during his nightly escapades with you.

The lady came storming into the house looked around in search of the man who had wronged her all while screaming at the top of her lungs at trying to make her presence known.

You would have never felt the hurt you felt that day if Wonwoo knew how to be a loyal man to his fiancé. You would have never have to hear the words, “this is the bitch you were fucking behind my back all this time,” from that lady. While she slapped you like she hated you and took jabs at your pride.

She made you question your integrity, your life and all your actions. Was it your fault that the man who said sweet ‘I love you’s to you every night was also telling them to his beloved fiancé. Maybe it was.

But the deed was done your self-respect was destroyed. Now you would always look at the mirror and realize that it was you who was the other woman. It was you who took the beautiful fantasy of one home away from another.

You left Wonwoo that day. He never tried to call. You were never important to him anyway. He left you broken, questioning your values, your life, and your actions.

This hurt more than any breakup you had been through because it was when you realized how naïve you were, how it was easy to lie to you. It made you feel like shit and there was no going back.

You stopped visiting your family, and meeting too scared to see those disappointed looks on their faces. What if you stumbled upon her when there was a function, she would hate you and you were too scared to face anyone let alone yourself.

She got married to him anyway. It was just a small hiccup in their relationship, while it did indeed destroyed you, they were happy. It is all that mattered to them. And although you would give them the credit for moving on with their lives, you couldn’t say the same for yourself.

It was then you had met Jeonghan, the man was funny and jovial, a bit of a prankster. He was exactly what you needed to escape life. He was the breath of fresh air you needed. He anchored you to reality and let to feel the happiness of life.

The friendship you both had built, had come shattering down one day when you got to realize he was friends with none other than the man you threw you down the shameful spiral of self-hatred.

That week you reused to talk to the man, at all. He suddenly made your skin crawl. For if he were friends with a man as despicable as Wonwoo after all his deeds, how much of a monster could he actually be. You didn’t want to stick around to get to know that.

Exactly a week after that Jeonghan was standing at your door. And was ready to make you talk no matter what. And talk you did that day. You shouted at the man for a whole hour to make sure he understood you would never be the other woman again. You were fooled once but you refused to be fooled twice.

After your shouting spree, he had held you to calm you down and told you he didn’t know what had Wonwoo done. He apologized profusely for the hurt his friend caused you while relentlessly promising to never betray you.

That day he asked you for a chance and just asked you to trust him for this once and let him in your life. He promised he would make sure you never you feel any less than what you should. He promised that you were enough for him and would spend his whole life proving it to you.

Surprisingly enough he did. He never left you once after that, never let you question your worth. Now after almost thirty years. You are happy with the man. You have lived a life were you enjoyed every bit of it. Jeonghan made sure you did. With your three kids happy and settled, you both went to live in the countryside seeking the peace that comes with it. You are happy and you are sure you would trade the whole world for this happiness. But good for you, you don’t need to.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n 3: i hope you liked this !!

[adventuringblind]

Jos hate jos hate jos hate

He just gives me the creeps. Like Max’s tone when talking about him reminds me of myself talking about my parents.

Detached. Wanting to move on but still try to be open about it even though it’ll make ppl ask questions especially if you avoid and don’t answer the question. (Did that make sense?)

So yeah. I don’t know him, but from what I can observe through a screen I’m not a fan.

- 🦒

IT DOESSSSS

(Hello new anon! Thanks for joining me and starting a rant!)

Don't get me STARTED on the psychology that is Max Verstappen. His mind is my obsession and how anyone could ever paint him as a villain hasn't been through trauma with a parent (or hasn't realized that they have).

Like, joking about trauma is a very clear indicator?? "My dad did that once to a mechanic??" I'm sorry??? Max, baby, that's not something you're supposed to laugh about...

Key word here is supposed. I laugh about my trauma all the time and it concerns my therapist.

It sucks that Max's personal life is out there for the media to pick apart. I've seen debates about Jos' parenting style and how he has given Max everything. I don't see any ungrateful bone in Max's body. If he was, then Jos would've been out of Max's life the second he turned eighteen.

So then people ask: if Jos is a bad parent, why is he still around Max?

Answer: Traumaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(Rant under the cut about abuse trauma... you've been warned)

Good god, are people so ignorant? It's hard to detach from a parent! Specially one who you spent all your time with! You get used to it eventually, you figure out how to cope and then you know nothing else aside from that.

All those times Max was driving recklessly when he was younger? I've listened back to his radio. He was in fight or flight because he had learned early on that it's better to risk crashing and injuring himself then placing lower.

I did the same thing! I was good at archery. Like, I was giving adults a run for their money at the age of thirteen. I switched from a recurve bow to a compound and about two weeks before a tournament. It was an absolute pain because it was an entirely different way of shooting.

I have this memory of my dad driving me to his friends house to sight in some longer distances the day before. As in, crunch time. We were out there in the cold and rain for hours. I was sore already because constantly pulling back sixty pounds of resistance with just your arms gets tiring. I broke so many fundamental rules; the ones my instructors were specific about. However, I knew it was break myself or my dad was going to lash out.

Anyway, I tore two muscles in my dominant arm by the end of the day. I got home and my dad went to shower so I hid with my mom in the kitchen icing it to hopefully lessen the pain.

I placed second in regionals. My dad lectured me in the car on the way home. He said the injury was my own fault. The doctor I saw said they didn't know how I managed and my instructors said I couldn't shoot at the range for over a month.

My dad hailed me a hero to everyone who asked about it.

Jos Verstappen is so outwardly aggressive that anyone who has been through something similar can see what's happening. Just because he's done a lot for Max doesn't negate the other behaviors. This isn't math, you can't cross cancel, two negatives don't make a positive.

Rant over! :)

[kustas]

talk about those books!!! <— hungry for recommendations

okay anon :)

the first book i've been reading is "People of the lake" by Richard Leakey. it's a book about paleoanthropology in africa! i am reading a french translation dating from 1980, which was very touchingly renamed "those of lake turkana". it describes the finds and research which was done at the time on ancient hominids.

this book is remarkable in two ways to me: one in that it's genuinely well written, something rare in science books - usually, people very knowledgeable about a specific topic spent their time perfecting knowledge, not writing skills, which typically leads to science lit being hard to read. but in this book, the prose is great, with some parts feeling like you're reading some fantasy novel! i actually had to take a break reading it because it was so delicious of an experience i couldn't bring myself to read it at home or at work where i'd constantly get bothered by people and noises... which is why i turned to reading slop instead. but that'll be detailed later.

the second remarkable part ties to being a book written in the 70s. the thing with science is that new discoveries make it nearly certain something you'll find will be made obsolete a few years later. reading a 50yo science book means...many years of modern knowledge, especially in a field like archeology/paleontology where new discoveries can completly change what we think of a given species. but this book handles what it hypothesizes with such care, grace and humility that it has not aged so far. everything is presented openly as "might have been, might not, but wouldn't be wonderful?" which is such a sweet damn way to approach science to me!

now, the slop.

the second book i've been reading is actually bookS because it's a series! is Moorcock's Elric saga, which i only started reading because all the art of the character (and there's lots of it) was so uniquely wildly horny i wanted to know what the deal what. these are very famous among fantasy nerds as foundational to the genre, but not exactly mainstream.

they are mostly short adventure stories, centered around a same main character, who vary in quality. now, i will be open, i won't exactly call these books good - they are very dated for better and worst, and are not written especially well, and shine to me for their creativity that's wild in some given places as well as a constant atmosphere of irony that makes them (more or less intentionally so) hilarious. these books were written by a true hater. and it shows.

the core of these books is the main character, who stands out because he sucks. he's an overdramatic whiny richkid who's constantly running away from responsabilities and getting into deep trouble that's always more or less his fault, you either like it or you don't - i love it. his central gimmick is that he's afflicted with extremely poor health and carries around this fucked up evil sword that allows him to not wither and die the more he kills people. much dramatic conflict ensues, boohoo. it's interesting to see the sheer impact these books had on fantasy, inspiring a lot of more famous media - if it's got dragons and it's a bit edgy, there's a chance it's related. the books might feel a bit derivative to a modern reader because of this, but with a step taken back it's cool to study. i discovered to my immense pain that it's more or less what invented the modern concept of multiverse. deep sigh

where i'm loving these books is in conjunction to witch hat, because both series are fantasy i enjoy but with glaring flaws that balance each other out. i loved WHA for it's logical worldbuilding and interesting side characters (hello boy of URL) as well as its touching attention to real world issues, i hated WHA for being very meanies vs goodies with forced dialog that felt at best condescending and it's inability to address rougher issues because the manga is too nicies. Elric has the most bullshit fairy recess logic happenings, its offensive in the good old proud pulp way and most side characters could be replaced by cardboard cutouts - but it's not afraid to be weird and ugly, the main character feels as convoluted and complex as a real guy would, and the Hater's Edge (tm) and related strangely subtle dark humor cured me from the salt i was feeling at WHA and its fans inability to read between the lines.

i still have to finish them in the meantime if i fully explain the MC we're gonne be there for hours so here's a collection of silly images ive been collecting with my friends that remind us of him instead. cheers

[bittyfromquotev]

Didn't want email notifications but sure here we go. I can't tell if you're being willfully ignorant or not, but I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. Also from looking at your responses, just wanted to let you know that was 3 different people on anon there. I was the one telling you "probably" is still an accusation. Those other two were not me, though I'm pretty sure the anon who used bold italics was likely the person who first send you the dot points ask after the rude quotev anon.

If you're old enough to pull the "I'm a minor" card then you're old enough to know what you've done is wrong or questionable. I've seen this a couple times where you throw your minor status around where it's completely irrelevant. Being a minor isn't a get out of jail free card in case you didn't know.

You tend to assume every criticism is "assuming your intentions" or aren't valid because they "don't know you". That doesn't mean anything when your actions have consequences and you post them publicly for people to make judgements on. You are on social media, nothing you do here is ever truly private and any expectation that people won't view your blog is naïve.

Your behavior is attention seeking. You say you don't want to be in the drama, but you keep talking about it and stirring the pot and then get upset when you're inevitably brought back into the drama. You say things in a way that implies you want the gore anons to harass you. This is attention seeking behavior and it doesn't even have to be intentional. This is not me saying you as a person are an attention seeker, it is me saying that the things you say display attention seeking behaviors. There is a difference. I also find it concerning that you are, even perhaps jokingly, inviting a harassment group to do the same to you.

"Start telling them 'like a teach(er) or parent' how to act. No one likes a social dictator." To that anon? Way to completely not read what I said at all. I said that just because you're a minor doesn't mean people can't call you out for shit, *like teachers and parents do* as an example. You wouldn't pull the minor card on them, would you? No, because it means and accomplishes nothing other than telling someone you're young.

Not everyone who is rude or doesn't agree with your beliefs or actions is a gore anon or supporter. You do not deserve to be harassed, no one does. Which is why you shouldn't throw accusations like that around lightly. It's invalidating to the people who actually had to suffer from them. It dilutes the problem and makes it harder to actually know who the gore anons target and how they act because suddenly everyone is a gore anon or supports them. There are 3 main gore anons that have identified themselves, and they all have distinct ways of typing, which is how people have started to recognize some people in the group.

You constantly say not to assume your intentions, well what about you? Did you not also assume the intentions of people? That sort of thing is why this drama got started in the first place, because people *assumed the intentions* of people. To clarify, this *is not me saying this is your fault*. Let that not be twisted. I am talking about the general actions of several individuals throughout all this drama.

Anyway, hope the rest of your week goes well!

Thank you for letting me know that it was multiple people. Let’s go over this again.

As I explained, I did not pull the “I’m a minor” card to get out of stuff. I said it because I didn’t know what to say to the anon that was initially rude as fuck. I’m not trying to excuse ANYTHING with being a minor.

You seem to only be looking at this specific trend of asks, which mind you, is basically OPENLY agreeing with someone telling me to get the fuck of the Internet. I know my actions have consequences. I’m not saying people’s criticisms aren’t valid, though I can see where you’re coming from. I’m just saying that I didn’t ask for criticisms on my actions. Judge me all you want, I just don’t want people telling me stuff when I didn’t ask for advice/criticism.

This is actually something I can give you credit for. However, the Gore Anons themselves haven’t got near me, but they’ve gone near my friends. I do that because I find it ridiculous how they won’t talk to ME but will shit on my friends. Of course, I’m not saying that my friends suffering is funny, I’m just saying that I’m a little baffled as to why they haven’t come to me after so long of me defending my friends and antagonizing the Gore Anons.

Dude idek what you want me to say here. We’re just saying that I have not asked for criticism from a stranger. And I already explained the minor card thing in point 1.

Okay you got me there. That comment was unnecessary. See how I’m taking accountability here? Yeah.

Again, this has only happened once or twice. If you’d look at my ask tag, you’d see that a few time I state that I TRY MY BEST not to assume people’s intentions. I respond to things that I have done with something, then follow it with “it’s not an excuse but this is happening”. Plus, if I ever DO assume people’s intentions, it’s because of what their intentions have been towards my friends and strangers in the past.

I did not invite random, unsolicited criticism from strangers. If I wanted criticism, I would have just said “okay” and moved on.

Also, how am I just NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PISSED when I get ROPED INTO DRAMA that doesn’t even have to do with me!

I’m not gonna block you unless you send another ask like this. I hope you have a good rest of your week as well/gen

EDIT: I also think that if I was really undermining victims (which I’m not) then my friends who are/were victims would have either blocked me or called me out on it. Neither has happened.

[honeymouthedtales]

Its archive anon again. I have a headache and a part of my research paper to submit to my supervisor by 8am. But iotol DH, that fool! Do you reckon his first time with minho made him go for all the fboys? Because it was more familiar? Have been people who could've given dh the softness he craved but he couldn't see it? Maybe even subconsciously ran from it coz the minho trainwreck carved a "rule" about sex and how others see him into his poor head?

Tbh i'm not sure I agree completely. I do agree there was a rule, but I don't think it was mh's fault. The rest of my answer will be hidden because it might contain spoilers, so open it at your own risk.

First, Mh was indeed a fuckboi but he wasn't one to dh - or better, he couldn't dare being a fuckboi to dh bc dh would've clapped him like he did with his friend at the karaoke room if mh had tried to treat him like shit. Dh has dealt with being an omega and what comes with it, the kind of treatment you receive, all his life, and yet he was a well-adjusted boy with normal friendships and relationships (mk hovering threateningly next to him might've helped). He would not take shit from anyone, and i'm talking shit like fucking him and then leaving him heartbroken. It was not something mh could've done to dh bc dh would never let him.

In fact, between us, I believe dh could've seduced mh. And I think he did, a little, but also he went to him with a fwb only application and dumped him after that one time they were together, so maybe dh was the fuckboi in this situation? Let's just say that they were two people that didn't want more than what they got through their arrangement, and even stayed friends afterward /because/ dh was sure of the terms of their r/s, and knew that he had no lingering feelings for mh except for maybe sadness bc he knew mh would've found a gf and lived a happy life while dh himself wasn't sure he could do the same. This said, dh could've totally had mh... if he had wanted him. But he didn't.

And I know in the fic it's clear he has convinced himself that no one wants him, he's undeserving of love bla bla bla, he mopes about that all the time, and that's the consequence of both general social conditioning and also some specific things that happened to him. But beyond his skewed world views, the truth is that he himself didn't want any of those people, he never cared for any of them. If he had wanted someone, like truly wanted them, i am 100% convinced he would be with them bc he's a good person, he's handsome, he's smart, being an omega makes him like inherently sexy. Like, he could totally seduced someone.

But he never even tried. Clearly he doesn't want those people. And he only ever goes for people he doesn't want. Like, i'm sure someone would've been happy to date him at some point, i'm sure gay alphas exist, but dh doesn't go for them, he doesn't go for people that could try to establish a connection with him or want to date him, but only for people who won't represent anything for him and wouldn't come back to look for him (younghoon was a mistake he regretted lol).

You might be able to connect the dots now. Idk how many people will read this reply and whether this counts as a spoiler, i think most readers won't read it anyway so it's safe to say it for those few who will. Dh will never like anyone but mk. This is how i envisioned the story since the beginning. He's never liked anyone but mk, he won't like anyone but mk. He doesn't even know it yet. Like, now maybe he's starting to catch up because they've met again, but all that time they were apart, he surely wasn't aware he liked mk, but he instinctively stayed away from potential r/s, and then conveniently blamed it on being unloved boohoo. Like, his low self-esteem is a real issue here, (and the way he got it might also partly be related to mk) but it makes him unable to see what lays underneath. That's the way I have envisioned dh's character since the beginning.

Iotol starts with mk thinking about a quote about destiny and being fated pairs, but in this verse there is no scientific way to prove anything like that exists. But if something like being fated to be with each other exists, I think iotol mh could be like that, with the only difference between them was that mk got his sexual awakening earlier and was aware of it, but dh presented away from mk and didn't have a chance to meet mk in person for over an year after his sexual awakening so he just floundered about unhappy like a lady at the supermarket that only wanted that specific brand of almond cookies but she can't find them so she just grab the most discounted no-brand packet of cookies bc she needs to eat even if she hates eating them.

[beevean]

Super Metroid/Ridley hot take anon: I think I was being a bit too uncharitable when I posted those, in hindsight, even if I mostly stand by what I said. I don't actually think Super is that bad, but hearing it talked up as the greatest game known to mankind, only to play it and come out feeling like most of the subsequent games (and even the first two in some specific ways) did most of what it was doing better, that's colored my perception of it a lot. (1/2)

(Still genuinely not fond of Ridley though.)

When I take a step back, I can still find things to like about Super, and I suppose it is the most complete package of strengths, but it also feels to me like it doesn't reach as high in any aspect that the rest do in specific ones. But then, I'm also the kind of pretentious asshole who had a similar hype backlash response to Star Wars (Episode IV) when I finally saw it, so certainly don't take my brand of zillennial ungratefulness too much to heart. (2/2)

I understand you. I feel the same way about Sonic Adventure 2, hailed as one of the greatest games of all time but that, when I tried it in 2009, only left me underwhelmed and frustrated. Maybe if I also started with Zero Mission and then went back to SM, I'd also find it unplayable :P then again, I played M1 and 2 as some of my last games in the series and they grew up very quickly on me, to the point that I might have replayed M2 more than SM... so who knows, tastes are tastes.

Obviously it's just a matter of opinion. I like SM's moonjumpiness, the only fault I find is in some specific rooms with some tight platforming (although thankfully you can disable the Hi-Jump Boots), but many people prefer ZM's tighter physics and I can't fault them. They stuck in subsequent games for a reason and I can't see them turning back lol. I also haven't played Dread, but from what I know that game feels nearly immaculate, so that would cause backlash against SM even more I bet.

Personally, SM shines when it comes to atmosphere (graphics, music, special effects), level design, the way it guides you, and the philosophy behind its sequence breaking. That's more than enough for me to deem it fun.

Something that took me some time to accept is that there is a difference between the objective quality of something, and whether or not it has something that appeals to you. SM has objectively many good qualities as much as flaws (no such thing as a 10/10 even in classics), but if it doesn't have what you enjoy in a Metroid game, that is totally fine and you shouldn't feel like your opinion is wrong or you're not "getting" something 👍

[youareinlove]

Hi! I hope I’m not bothering you, but I’m the person that’s learning about Taylor’s discography because I properly joined last year! Can I ask you to give a run down of the themes of each song from folklore and evermore? I hope it’s not too big of a bother! I know that the songs are fictional, but I know that she infused her own feelings and took inspiration from her life, but I’m still pretty ignorant and I really like your analyses :)

omg anon ily, this is so pure and sweet. yes of course, feel free to ask anytime.

also, if you haven't already, i'd recommend watching folklore: long pond studio sessions. she talks a lot about what the songs on folklore mean, why she wrote them, etc. there isn't one for evermore but it'll at least help with one of the albums, and it's got a lot of meta-commentary about the circumstances of folklore's creation (pandemic)

folklore:

the 1 - the 1 is about running into an ex and thinking about what could've been. it's also the perfect album opener because she starts with "i'm doing good, i'm on some new shit, been saying yes instead of no" which both refers to her general state of mind (pandemic) and the genre shift. it's also the first song that introduces a theme we see a lot on folklore, which is love being likened to films. "you know the greatest films of all time were never made" = their love never came to fruition despite there being a lot of potential and chemistry. the actual song and story is fictional, just like most of the songs on folklore and evermore, but i think the emotional inspiration was less one person and just a general pattern she found herself in a lot. if we had to point directly to one person i'd say harry, but it's very subliminal and not at all a clear-cut comparison.

cardigan - cardigan is the first song out of 3 on folklore about a fictional teenage love triangle. this song is from the perspective of the adult version of "betty," the character who's cheated on by james. musically and lyrically you can tell that this character is far more mature than the other two in the love triangle because they're teenagers during their narration and she's an adult during hers. she kind of retells the story, but in a vague way that's way more focused on her growth as a character because of the relationship. i could talk about this aspect for hours, but essentially it's that she was struggling, needed his validation, lost it very suddenly, and had to learn to give that to herself. it's also very unclear if she took him back or not, which doesn't change in the other songs about the love triangle. i think taylor sees herself as all three of the characters in the love triangle, but cardigan's story of teenage douchery points to harry for me. the 1989 vault really reframed the folklore love triangle for me because it's a very similar story.

the last great american dynasty - the song is about taylor's rhode island house (named holiday house) and it's previous owner, rebekah harkness. rebekah was a real person and the lyrics of tlgad are pretty much exactly what her life was like, except she dyed a cat key-lime green, not a dog lol. in the song, taylor draws a parallel between herself and rebekah, specifically the ways they were viewed by the world for their romantic history (rebekah being shamed by society for being a divorcee, taylor being shamed for society for having exes), and how they were viewed by their community for throwing parties and existing as loud women unapologetically. it's also got the parallel to mad woman, because mad woman is about female rage and tlgad carries themes of women being blamed and shunned (for something that really wasn't their fault) and choosing to live for themselves.

exile - exile is about a relationship that falls apart because of miscommunication. it's also one of those songs that ended up becoming reality. he thinks she left him out of nowhere and moved on, she thinks she gave him signs and signals and chances to no avail until she had no choice but to leave. these two are just unable to get on the same page or hear each other, even now that they've broken up. by the time they do understand each other (the very end of the song), it's too late. we also see the return of the film theme in "i think i've seen this film before, and i didn't like the ending." the film is their love that's doomed to end the exact same way every time because there's a fundamental misunderstanding. i have no earthly clue what this song could be based on from her real life because it's like, ylm 0.5. emotionally i'm sure it just comes from her past experience with not feeling heard or seen

my tears ricochet - mtr is about a very long relationship that ends really badly. it explores the idea that the only reason there can be so much pain is because there was once so much trust. i believe she said in lpss that she was thinking a lot about how in many stories, the hero's greatest enemy was once his best friend. it's also extremely tied to her life in a really upsetting, and painful way. the song is about losing her masters, specifically the betrayal of scott borchetta selling them. her and scott were in business together for 15 years, starting when she was literally 15 years old. he was like a father figure to her, and his betrayal a) redefined betrayal entirely for her, and b) was the worst heartbreak of her life (i have no idea if this is still true post-joever but i'm inclined to think it is). the song uses a funeral as a metaphor for how scott tried to "bury" her - escape her legacy and erase their relationship. (if you want to know more about the masters debacle, ask me and i'll direct you to blogs that know more than me and are more detailed).

mirrorball - this song is about someone who feels like they always have to be "on" for everyone, always be performing, always be shining and bright. it's very "pathological people pleaser" - just someone who's a different version of themself for everyone they meet and tailors their personality to be liked, which comes at the cost of not being able to be vulnerable or show their sadness and pain. in fact, when that pain is shown, it's laughed at and treated as a joke or as content to be exploited. it's about taylor as a person and a lifelong struggle she's had, but also (pandemic). "when they called off the circus, burned the disco down, when they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns" is a direct reference to the lover tour being cancelled because of the pandemic and it leaving her feeling purposeless. what does someone who's been performing, both literally and figuratively, their entire life, do when there's no audience anymore?

seven - seven is about the people who knew you before you were conditioned by society into being something or being one way, aka: childhood. when trusting was easy, when there was always a way to go home and escape the troubles, when fear was exciting and not paralyzing. when you could speak your mind freely and not think about what others would think. this is framed against a friend who didn't have it the best, and looking back on it as an adult and realizing that things were Not Okay there. it's a great exploration of childhood and all the layering shades of it, and no doubt inspired by if not directly pulled from taylor's own childhood in pennsylvania

august - august is another song from the love triangle! this is the perspective of augustine, the girl james cheated on betty with. we see that she was basically used, told she was loved, and then ditched by james as soon as he wanted to run back to betty. she was in love with him and he saw her as a summer thing to waste time on. i think taylor's felt like that a lot in her life, and it reminds me a lot of foolish one. less one person, more a pattern that doesn't stop hurting the more it happens

this is me trying - i seriously recommend either watching the long pond studio sessions for this song's description or finding a youtube clip of it because she articulates it in a way that i really can't. but it's basically about someone who feels like they once had a lot of potential and fell behind due to their mental health. it's about the daily struggle of someone who has an addiction or someone who has mental health issues to fight those battles and win every single day, even if no one is congratulating them because society sees it as the bare minimum. (also the film theme is back: you're a flashback on a film reel in the one screen in my town = memories with this person play over and over in her mind). taylor herself has struggled with anxiety, depression, and using alcohol as a vice of sorts, and this song reflects those things. it's also about turning towards someone when you need help through a tough time, which imo is heavily based on how she was with joe in 2016.

illicit affairs - illicit affairs is a sympathetic portrayal of what it means to be the "other woman" or a married man's mistress, and the emotional costs of being someone's dirty little secret. we can infer that it's unrelated to august because the song has a lot of emphasis on the guy being much older than the narrator. imo it's heavily based on how she felt in her relationship with jake, because it's basically "you kept me like a secret but i kept you like an oath" expanded upon for 3 minutes. she wasn't the other woman with jake (he literally cheated on her actually) but she knows how it feels for your older partner to be ashamed of you and treat you like something to be hidden from others

invisible string - this is one of the few songs on this album that fully isn't fictional at all. this is straight up about joe, down to the details about where he worked at sixteen and the first song he heard when he came to LA. the idea of the song is that you and your partner lived separate lives before meeting each other, but you know you were supposed to all along because of these little coincidences of fate that lined up perfectly

mad woman - the female rage motif from tlgad is in full swing here. this song is all about how it feels to be a woman and be talked over by men consistently. it's also about scooter braun and her masters, and how it felt to be ignored and belittled by him and the music industry while pitching the re-recordings

epiphany - i could summarize this entire thing with just (pandemic) tbh. it's about the healthcare workers during the pandemic (literally compares it to war) but also about the entire world, if that makes sense. when you think about what the world was like during the pandemic and kind of the collective trauma we all went through. i mean there are just some things you don't speak about.

betty - this is the final song in the folklore love triangle trilogy. this one is from the perspective of james, as he tries to apologize to betty for cheating on her. telling you the story would basically just be reading you the lyrics so i'll leave that to spotify, but it's also ambiguous about whether or not she takes him back. i think it's lowkey based on harry (see: 1989 vault) but also just the radical act of a man apologizing and showing up that i think taylor found interesting

peace - peace is also not fictional! it's about her relationship with her fame and how it affects her partner. kind of exploring the idea of things never being easy, or at least never being easy for long, because there's always a new threat looming. (which is 1000% going to be recontextualized as a Not Healthy Idea with the tortured poets department because she's now in a relationship where things are easy because they're just flexible about boundaries and deal with things as they come). it's also kind of about mental health and how that can affect one's partner, or at least that's how most people relate to it

hoax - hoax is about three things at the same time that all really hurt - a love, a business relationship, and a friend who was like family. (joe, scott/scooter, and KK. using initials for the last person for Reasons, ask separately if you don't know who it is). the point of the song is that all the lyrics point to all the people, and you can read them with 3 different views. joe's is that it was a point in time when it wasn't easy to be in love because she was hurting, but she was able to sit and be sad with him. scott/scooter's is like, betrayal and anguish and pain. and KK's is also betrayal but in a more targeted, friendship-fallout way. the entire thing is not fictional and it's very broad so it's hard to totally grasp the concept of, but think grief and pain and hit play (that's what i do). also the film thing returns once more. "you knew the hero died, so what's the movie for" = you know i have nothing left in me, so why do you keep trying to make this work.

the lakes - the lakes is about this dream she had of escaping the things that made creating hard for her (mostly the public pressure of the media and the world) and just running away with her and her partner (joe) to the lake district in england. it's kind of the thesis statement of folklore - things were tough, so she created a fictional cabin in the woods to find solace and comfort and took him with her. it's very rooted in (pandemic) because life was really hard for all of us in 2020/2021 and we all just wanted to escape a little bit

-

evermore:

willow - willow is about joe and how he came into her life at a very unexpected time and understood her in a way no one had before (rip). it frames the beginning of their relationship in a way that's narratively mystical as she portrays herself as a witch brewing up a love spell. also the perfect album opener for a million reasons, the best of which being "but i come back stronger than a 90s trend."

champagne problems - champagne problems is about a couple who meets up one night, one planning to end it and one bringing a ring. the narrator rejects his proposal, leaving him and their shared friend group reeling. it's also implied that she has mental health issues that they (their friends and his family) use to blame her and ostracize her for not saying yes. she's left to deal with the guilt and shame that comes with her decision while knowing it was the right choice in her heart. for taylor, i think the link to her life was how society often acted like she was supposed to be getting married and settling down, and when she made choices to further other parts of her life (e.g. her career) instead, she felt that shame as well.

gold rush - gold rush is about joe as well, specifically the early stages of their relationship where she wasn't sure if it would last or be defined or be real (see: cruel summer). it covers a lot of the emotional conflict and inner turmoil but in a fun and boppy way to reflect how falling in love was also exciting and refreshing (since most of it is her daydreaming). a fun fact about this song is that harry thinks it's about him and it is not

tis the damn season - ttds is one half of a dual-part story on evermore. it's from the perspective of a character called dorothea, who left her small town in search of fame (it's implied to be acting in the songs but i'm not certain), leaving behind her high school sweetheart. she goes home for the holidays and reconnects with him, and there's maybe even some left-behind jealousy and tension there? either way, they start hooking up for the week she'll be there. all the while, she's realizing that she'd be happy riding around in his truck with him because she doesn't have genuine connections in LA, and he's the only one who really truly knows her. but she won't ask him to wait for her if he doesn't ask her to stay for him. the parts about him being the only one who gets her is fictional, but the relationship is based on what she had with her high school sweetheart, drew (our song drew not teardrops on my guitar drew). see: midnight rain, which is the real life version of events and not the fictional one

tolerate it - this one's about being in a relationship where you give it your 100% and try your hardest to love them and care for them and it all just goes unnoticed or is taken for granted. the song portrays the narrator as a housewife and shows her daily struggle of wanting to leave, thinking for a second that she really could, but then settling back into her miserable lifestyle again. it's strongly based on how she felt when she was with calvin, and the "sad housewife" motif is very directly tied to what he wanted from her vs what she wanted to be

no body no crime - nbnc is pretty self-explanatory, it's about a woman who's friend (este) catches her husband cheating and goes "missing" implying that he killed her. the woman then kills the husband as revenge and pins it on his mistress. this one is honestly just fun and a cool fact is that este and danielle (the sister mentioned in the song) are both the names of two of the haim sisters, and HAIM features on the song

happiness - the song's about a divorce, or the end of a seven-year relationship (like exile, eventually became reality). it's about how the pain and bitterness associated with a relationship ending can exist, but it only gets you so far, and eventually you need to just accept that things are what they are. it's a really beautiful narrative about moving on and life and reinvention. because it's about a divorce, we can assume that it's at least partially based on her friend abigail's divorce in 2021 (i think) but it's also a metaphor for her relationship with her old record label and leaving. or at least a way of exploring her emotions about that whole process

dorothea - dorothea is the 2nd half of the ttds/dorothea duo. while in ttds, dorothea sings about how she won't ask him to wait for her because he isn't asking her to stay for him and she doesn't want to burden him like that, we see here that he (the narrator who's singing to dorothea) wants to wait for her and is just waiting for her to come back to him and say the word. it's what taylor, on some level, wants someone to think and feel about her (that someone being the ex she used to hook up with whenever she came back to town lmfao. it's pretty unserious and not actually about him but about fame and choices which i go into more with my midnight rain analysis).

coney island - coney island is a song about reflecting on a relationship, regretting what happened, and wondering what happened there. it captures this moment of longingness and pain fresh after something has ended, and in the bridge, we get references to multiple of her relationships (big cake / happy birthday = jake, bluest skies the darkest gray = j*hn, accident = harry, podium = calvin) and you realize that the song's actually about ALL of them. in the chorus, when she sings "over and over" it's because she's had this moment at coney island over and over again with all of these people, and she's terrified that it'll happen to her current relationship (which was joe at the time). she sees herself in this cycle and she doesn't want to be there anymore, so she uses the song to roleplay her fears in a way

ivy - ivy is about a woman who's with a husband that she does not love and is having an affair with someone she does love but can't be with because of the volatile husband. it's a classic story, but it's also the same one as high infidelity if you look closely enough. while she wasn't married to CH (calvin) and didn't technically cheat, the undertones of violence are the same (lock broken, slur spoken, picket fence as sharp as knives / what would he do if he found us out, he's going to burn this house to the ground) as well as someone being a strong enough force to wake you up and realize that the life you've been living isn't true to yourself

cowboy like me - this song uses two con artists ditching their swindling and scamming ways to find true love within each other as a metaphor for her and joe (think: put down our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now). i saw someone describe it as "yeehaw ready for it" which is very accurate imo. they have to overcome a lot, but they end up realizing that "forever is the sweetest con" - the thing they wanted most wasn't something money could buy, it was the love and comfort they found in each other

long story short - this one's straight up not fictional. it's about the stuff she went through, specifically 2016-2017, the defense mechanisms she built up because of those experiences, and the work she had to do to get where she is, both in her personal life and in her relationship. also, "i dropped my sword, threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door" is basically the entire premise of cowboy like me, so putting them right next to each other on the tracklist was so smart.

marjorie - marjorie was the name of taylor's grandma. she had a huge impact on her life and was one of the people who first inspired her to pursue music, as she herself was an opera singer. she always dreamed of making it big with her music, but had to give up those dreams to start a family. in many ways, taylor feels like she's fulfilling those dreams for the both of them. the song's basically about grief and how we have to hold on to the pieces of someone (which is often just our memories of them) and believe that they're watching because that's how we get through loss and hard things.

closure - closure is about a friendship breakup with someone who then reaches out later to try to smooth things over, but you know it's not really to take accountability or mend things, but to settle scores and get it off of their conscience. the song proclaims that actually, she doesn't owe anyone closure, and she's totally okay with stewing in her bitterness about it because the other person doesn't deserve to have that wrinkle in their past ironed out. it's a really interesting message because most media would encourage the opposite, and say to forgive and forget. closure lays out what happened as a heartbreak first, and the fact that it was a friendship and not a relationship doesn't matter because the emotional impact was the same. (it's about KK as well btw)

evermore - this one is about 2016 and the pain and devastation she suffered, mostly with her mental health and with depression. there were clearly times when it felt like nothing would get better and she outlines it really clearly. but there was something that was "real enough to get her through" something she dreamed of in the cracks of light. this originally meant joe, but i think it also meant us, the fans, who saw her and appreciated her and loved her at her lowest. it's a real tribute to her connection with us. the song uses wading through the ocean as a metaphor for depression, and it ends with "floors of a cabin creaking under my step" - she's found shelter. the chorus then switches from "that this pain would be forevermore" to "this pain wouldn't be for evermore." evermore (the album) has been song after song of things that you think will be forever and aren't - namely relationships with people. but it switches in evermore, because pain is what won't last forever. it becomes a hopeful message instead of a despondent one (and taylor's albums, at least the standard versions, are known for ending with hope).

right where you left me - rwylm is about someone who was broken up with at a restaurant years ago and can't move on emotionally. they're metaphorically stuck at that very restaurant, sitting at the booth for years to come, watching the world pass them by as they feel stagnant in their own life. it's very much a metaphor for how it feels to grow up famous - frozen at the age that you blew up and unable to move past that as you watch everyone else grow up around you. the age specifically mentioned in the song is 23, which we know was a really hard age for taylor where she went through a lot, both with fame and relationships.

it's time to go - it's time to go, in a broad sense, is about any moment when you feel like it's just time to let something be and that giving up is the right decision. whether that's a relationship, a job, a friendship, etc. ("when the words of a sister come back in whispers that prove she was not / in fact what she seemed not a twin from your dreams she's a crook who was caught" is about the same person as closure btw). but more specifically, the song is a way to explore taylor having to leave her old record label and the emotions surrounding that. it ends on the poignant lyric "he's got my past frozen behind glass, but i've got me." keep in mind, this is pre-re-recordings, although they were definitely in the works. it was a moment in time when she was really betting on herself against all odds and this song just encapsulates that

[doverstar]

Why don't you consider 13 cannon :o Is it chibnall's writing? I've heard a lot of people disagree with it

Thank you for asking so politely, firstly! I actually expected to receive fire from anyone who cared about my previous answer. (Hi, if you're the same Anon!) I will probably receive fire after this one from someone, and I'm strapping on the turnout gear now, would you please hand me my boots-

Yes, it's definitely a huge factor, Chibnall's writing. I'm one of those people! I hate his writing. I always have. Every episode he ever wrote for the show, I disliked, and wrinkled my nose at, and thought it was low quality and bad writing even before I was sure who wrote them, or realized it was the same person each time. My reaction to his work does not mean he's objectively a bad writer, it just means I think he's a bad writer. He does not, in my opinion, know how to show and not tell (I actually struggle so hard with that myself but no one is entrusting a 60-year-old legendary television show unto me, thank the Lord) and his characterization is - nonexistent. Yaz and co. do not have personalities and are just a bunch of mouths...moving. Sad! And Thirteen is not the Doctor. She doesn't feel like the Doctor to me; she's morally shallow, poorly characterized, and badly written. She's inconsistent and sloppy! (Not the actress's fault.) I don't look at her and see the Doctor, I look at her and cringe. She makes me unhappy whenever I see her. Her tenure and Chibnall's piloting almost caused the unsalvageable crash of the entire show. But those are only two of three factors in my dislike! If you care to hear the third, and please pass me my helmet- I also don't believe males can or should attempt to change into females, and I believe that the decision to cast the first female Doctor Who was based solely on the agenda of communicating that males can and should attempt to change into females. I know the Doctor is an alien; I'm not talking about specifically the decision to change the Doctor, I'm talking about the decision to change the gender of the main character, regardless of their species. I don't think they were trying to say aliens can be whatever they want. I think they were trying to say people can and should change their gender at will and it should be celebrated. Does that make sense? I personally believe the casting was based on the aforementioned agenda(s) and not on who might be best for the part, with really bad results. I do not think the character of the Doctor should have been changed from male to female, and I do not think that when the character was changed from male to female, it was for a good reason or executed properly. They did not convince me of anything other than that it was a really bad idea and they shouldn't have done it. That's not a critique of anyone's acting abilities, or on the work ethic of the cast and crew. It's a critique of the storytelling process and the way the story was told, and why.

Ooh and Anon, don't get me started on the Timeless Child thing-

[thatringboy]

It is so refreshing to read a story (even a fanfic!) like Flowers, Sounds & Stones. Honestly, and I mean this in the best way possible, I was surprised to find out you were a man because of how well written the women are in this fic. I think anons have said it before but I’m repeating it after the two most recent chapters about Ume and Mitsuri

I don’t think I have words for the emotions those chapters left me with. Ume’s story made me sad because we already saw how it ended, but Mitsuri’s made me sad because quite literally NOTHING that happened to her was her fault even REMOTELY. And the duality between Ume and Ubuyashiki? That Ume acknowledged where she did wrong and showed remorse while Ubuyashiki literally tells people to get over it and think of him as a natural disaster?? FUCK dude that’s why you keep losing to her and her legacy!! And why all these other women keep beating your ass!! Nezuko, Makomo, Shinobu, and Mitsuri won’t be victims. Shizu, Rei Kibutsuji, and Koinatsu won’t be martyrs. Ume, and Tsutako, and Mrs. Agatsuma won’t Rest In Peace. And the women Ubuyashiki directly controlled and manipulated? His wife and daughter? His wife wasn’t strong enough to break free and it never once felt like it was her fault. Susamaru went out cussing and homosexual. She won’t be a martyr either

And I know it’s not a lot but it’s so nice to see women that are just people. Messy, broken, ugly people. Nezuko has a boob staring problem and cusses like a sailor! Nezuko Kamado! And she has a crush on Makomo, who regularly makes Kakushi members like Murata take on demons as a way to force them to train! And let’s not get started on whatever the fuck Shinobu’s got going on with Kaigaku! (This paragraph is completely illegible to people who don’t know anything about this fic, I know)

But like, they’re all still clearly women though. Other anons talk about Nezuko admiring her reflection and beating people up who call her ugly, and I think about Shizu Shinazugawa’s mental spiral being much more heavily criticized by the Demon Slayer Corps than Michikatsu’s. I think about how Mitsuri wears her revealing uniform but covers her mouth so that she can have autonomy over who looks at specific parts of her body that have been violated. I think about 13 year old Kiriena Kibutsuji being forced to find a husband before her birthday or die horribly because the family curse said that’s just what happens to the daughters. How Ume had to have an excuse for traveling with her friend the samurai, that they were related or that she literally had to marry him to continue traveling with him. How Obanai - who isn’t a woman but used to live as one - was beaten down into the mud on his wedding day in his wedding dress after he was left at the altar because the word of his future father in law trumped his own. How Kotoha Hashibira had her face disfigured and torn apart by someone she considered closed family because she did not return his obsessive and creepy advances AFTER she had already had to run away from her abusive husband and raise her baby on her own. How the first thing Shinobu ever says to Nezuko when she literally has a poisoned sword pointed at Tanjiro’s heart was to never plead for mercy because that’s how women get killed.

It’s the little things that I’m obsessed with here and I can’t believe this is just a fanfic of a manga that is basically “what if we shifted every character slightly to the left” so I need you to understand that I call BULLSHIT on your claim that most of the character swaps were at random!! I’m so sorry for the rant but I’m experiencing EMOTIONS.

Anon my love I am also experiencing the emotions 😭

It’s 2 in the morning so I’m half awake atm, but thank you so much for your kind words. I’m really happy my silly little fanfiction has touched so many people in so many ways and I’m happy my storytelling is up to snuff. And I really mean it when I say these swaps were random! I based the character swaps on general vibes, not stories, so it’s by pure coincidence and a lot of outlining that the story I wanted to tell about grief and womanhood is coming together like it is. FS&S didn’t originally start out as a narrative about the struggles of womanhood, I just wanted to write about demon slayer characters but Different, but the way that the character list fell had women in the majority of the main roles and I just rolled with it to the best of my abilities. Some of the writing is based off of my own experiences as a trans man (mostly Obanai’s life, but I draw inspiration/reference in other places) but the majority is me just writing out the canon events but with women in the main roles and that’s how we got here. I added some nuance here and there, and adapted the plot to incorporate as much real-world opinions/experiences the characters would have at the time (the time being early 20th century Japan), but other than that Gotouge did all the hard work for me

I’m really happy that my late nights and overwhelmed Microsoft word account managed to string together a narrative coherent enough to earn such praise. Mentally I’m giving you a sloppy kiss on the lips, thank you. I hope you, your family, your friends, and everyone you know have a happy holiday week and have a happy new year

[earnestly-endlessly]

~Hello~ I am new to the X-Men fandom and I was wondering if there were some classic/ good starting fics for Charles and Erik? Thank you :)

Hi anon, welcome to the fandom! There are so many amazing fics out there and I understand that as a newcomer it can be a challenge to figure out where to start.

Some writers like Ikeracity, TurtleTotem , Gerec  have fics that are a great starting point for those who are starting in the fandom. There are tons of others as well but they are still very much active in the fandom.

This list was specifically made in mind for those who are dipping their toes into the fandom. The list seems quite extensive (and it is!) but I tried to arrange them so the easier read is first and then it develops into the more heavy reading. I divided the list into canon based and AU because the fandom has a ton of AU fics and I think it’s best to divide those categories. I hope you enjoy!!

Canon/ canon based

Rumor Has It – blueink3

Summary: "Did I hear the doorbell earlier?"

"Yeah, but I'd steer clear if I were you. It seemed a little tense. I don't know what's going on, but there's a kid out there who looks freakily like the prof."

Nearly six months after Cuba, Charles' life is turned upside down for the second time. Though he's slowly learning to adapt to the first, he's not sure he can handle the second. Luckily for him, there are a few people out there more than willing to help.

No Yesterdays on the Road – pocky_slash

Summary: t's been two months since Cuba and things are settling down for Charles, Erik, and the beginnings of their mutant school. Right up until Charles disappears, that is. Faced with the possibility that a bitter Emma Frost has kidnapped Charles, Erik is forced to team up with Moira to hunt down the remainder of the Hellfire Club. From there, they hope to locate Frost and retrieve Charles, without killing each other along the way.

(Or: Erik and Moira Drive Across the Country and Talk About Their Feelings.)

Took Me By Surprise and Then– thehoyden

Summary: After the second surgery in New York, Charles doesn’t anticipate anyone keeping vigil by his bedside — and certainly not Tony Stark.

Honest Bone and Burning Thought – Black_Betty

Summary: And so sometimes, his mind buzzing away, bright and brilliant and humming with pure expansive energy, Charles speaks without thinking at all. Without censoring himself. Without realizing that his brain has reached out and snatched something that was never his to know, or take...

Us - pangea

Summary: “Charles,” Erik says, and if his voice hits a pleading note then who can really blame him, “Charles, it’s me.”

It takes several longer moments before Charles musters up the strength to answer, breath stuttering horribly as he tries to breathe. He’s shaking, entire body trembling.

“Erik,” Charles says, his voice cracking, “Erik, I want to die.”

It’s like one of us woke up – kaydeefalls

Summary: "You came here for me," Charles said, meeting Shaw's gaze levelly. "So let's not waste any more time."

Canon!AU in which Charles and Erik do find Shaw in Russia.

The Tower and the Hurricane – dreamlittleyo

Summary: (Post-movie AU.) Five years after Shaw's death, Erik's predictions prove painfully accurate. Violence rages on both sides of the human/mutant conflict. In a world ravaged by war, it doesn't really matter who's more at fault. Charles struggles to teach his students a better way, but what choices will he make when peace really isn't an option?

Not Half as Blinding – keire_ke

Summary: Cuban beach AU. Charles discovers that death does, in fact, solve everything.

Lay down beside me (so still and so soft) – C_Gracewood

Summary: A different take on the events of the film.

Afterlife – Anna (arctic–grey)

Summary: A year after Washington, Erik wakes up in excruciating pain as sudden awareness washes over him: Charles is dead. Erik has to adjust to yet another future: no extinction, just a world without Charles. But the death of his former friend leaves Erik weak and his powers drained. His quest for answers leads him back to Westchester, where Erik has to face his past with Charles and put together the puzzle pieces of what happened to the man he once cared for.

Enigma - Yahtzee

Summary: “Erik dies, or finds a reversey-time mutant, or a magical time travelling device, and wakes up in the past. This time, though, it's before he ever met Charles - in fact, it's before his mother died.

He can save his mother that one time (thanks to his mastery over powers carrying back), but what does Erik do after that? Does he stick around, or escape and run to find Charles again (and hope everything doesn't go wrong)?”

Note: One of the best fics in the fandom. Unfortunately the author has taken their fics off ao3 but if you want a copy you can send me a PM and I’ll send you the fic.

Idiot Control Now – cygnaut

Summary: Hank screws something up in the lab and everyone's powers increase tenfold. Not knowing how to control them like this, they all try to cope and not kill each other by mistake while Hank tries to find a way to reverse the effects. Charles has a particularly hard time of it.

Time To Grow – zarah5

Summary: In which you'll find chess dates which aren't dates (or maybe Charles is wrong about that). -- Based on First Class, this turns (slightly) AU during the beach scene.

Lucid Dreaming – listerinezero

Summary: Magneto finds himself in 1962, on the morning they go to Cuba, in the bed of the young Charles who'd spent months letting him think they were in love before breaking his heart. But he is not the same man he was forty years earlier, and as he gets to know young Charles again, he discovers that things might not have been exactly the way he remembered them after all.

Alternate Universe

Order Up - ikeracity

Summary: Charles has a terrible habit of multitasking, and that is probably why he absentmindedly tells the pizza man that he loves him when hanging up.

Then the pizza man says it back. And Charles is pretty much smitten from there.

Rumor Mill - ikeracity

Summary: Erik is the grumpiest, most foul tempered worker at Stark industries. His grumpiness is the stuff of legends.

So it's obviously the talk of the office when Erik is being made to go to the company party and he's bringing his husband. There's rumors flying round about how much of a masochist or equally antisocial bastard Erik's husband must be to put up with him. Others think he must be a meek mouse perhaps bullied by Erik.

What they weren't expecting was the confident, charming, adorable and unbelievably nice Charles that turns up on Erik's arm. What they certainly weren't expecting was how much Erik obviously adores his husband and how happy he is to let others see this.

In the Punch Line – zamwessell

Summary: Basically, Charles Xavier needs a date to his tenth high school reunion. Enter Erik Lehnsherr, Raven’s best friend, who happens to be a model and the new face of Calvin Klein.

For the Record – endingthemes

Summary: As prominent figures in the mutant rights movement, activists Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr are pretty much household names. When a romance scandal between them breaks, their celebrity reaches new heights, and though the increased exposure is great, there’s a big problem -- the two of them are just friends.

Too bad no one believes them.

Impulse Decisions – listerinezero

Summary: Erik wakes up in Las Vegas with a hell of a hangover, a telepath in his bed, and a ring on his finger. Now what?

Guilty by Association – Regann

Summary: While investigating the homicide of a John Doe who he suspects might've been murdered while working the streets as a prostitute, Detective Erik Lehnsherr finds an unexpected ally in a hooker named Charles who seems as determined as he to solve the case. As they become more deeply involved both with the case and each other, there's just one thing that Charles neglects to mention -- that he's really an investigative journalist, one quickly convinced that what they're dealing with is more than simple murder. cop!Erik, fake-hooker-slash-reporter!Charles, Modern AU.

Favorite Mistake – endingthemes

Summary: Charles Xavier doesn’t think anything of it when he sneaks out without even saying goodbye to his latest one-night stand. What he doesn’t expect is to walk into his new position in the Xavier Industries marketing department and find that his latest hook-up is now his new boss.

You Show Me Yours – endingthemes

Summary: When Erik receives nudes in the middle of the night from an unknown number, he's confused and mildly amused. He doesn't expect it to turn into an actual conversation...with feelings.

As if that's not baffling enough, his friend's brother ends up crashing at his place, further complicating everything.

Mutually Beneficial Transaction – Pookaseraph

Summary: In his sophomore year at Columbia University, Erik, feeling slowly strangled by his mounting college debt, places an add on a sugar daddies website. He doesn't know exactly what to expect from it, but when he's contacted by a man named Charles who seems less creepy than the other people who have responded to his profile, he decides to give it a shot. Charles is nothing like what he expected, and Erik finds himself slowly falling in love with his sugar daddy while trying to find out exactly what caused this amazing guy to buy his emotional and sexual intimacy when he clearly deserves so much more than that.

An absence which could not be more there – aesc

Summary: He prepared to shift another half-step over to the Current Events section (which would, of course, enrage him) when the teaser positioned by the model's left elbow caught his eye: DATING WHILE TELEPATHIC: WHY I DON'T DO IT.

Irreconcilable differences (make for surprisingly good bedfellows) – pocky_slash

Summary: Tonight on The Evening Report with Malcolm Stevens, noted geneticist and mutant equality proponent Dr. Charles Xavier faces off with the infamous mutant rights activist Magneto in a live televised debate over the Genetic Nondiscrimination Act.

(At least, if they can stop flirting long enough to stay on topic.)

In the moonlight, on a joy ride – scarlettblush

Summary: Librarian AU. Charles is the young librarian and Erik is the college student who is completely besotted with him.

Daycare Verse – pocky_slash

Summary: A modern AU in which Charles runs a mutant daycare and Erik is his long-suffering engineer boyfriend.

Paper Monsters – Clocks

Summary: Charles meets Erik Lehnsherr, his favorite novelist of all time at a coffee shop, but doesn't know it's him, and Erik just criticizes his own writing in front of his biggest fan.

Our House, In The Middle Of Our Street – Clocks

Summary: Charles is a social worker who fosters troubled kids, and one day he meets Erik, an ex-convict, who reluctantly agrees to stay for only a while, but ends up staying for good and helping Charles to raise the kids. Awkward parenting ensues.

Sink or Swim – endingthemes

Summary: Erik is a struggling single dad of three kids with a burning hatred for Sebastian Shaw, the man who wronged him years ago. He’s tried to move on with his life, but a run-in with Shaw’s rude, spoiled omega, Charles, drags up old anger.

When Charles ends up in the hospital after an accident, Erik goes to confront him only to find that Charles has amnesia. In the confusion, Charles mistakenly assumes that Erik is his mate.

Erik knows he should clear up the misunderstanding, but how can he pass up this perfect chance for a little revenge?

(An Overboard AU)

Marrying a Mob – Ook

Summary: Charles is a teacher at a very exclusive school. When armed men burst in on the trail of two children, of course he stands up to them and gets hurt. The children are Erik Lehnsherr's children (of course); a "prominent businessman" or, less politely, "mobster".

Erik is grateful to Charles for saving his children's lives at the cost of his kneecap. So very grateful.

Naturally he tries to reward Charles for his actions. Equally naturally, Charles will be having none of that.

Azazel finds the whole thing unspeakably hilarious. Naturally.

This Family comes with Batteries – Fishwrites, orphan_account

Summary: A orphaned Charles Xavier goes to live with his Godfather: Tony Stark. This story is a tale of what would have happened to the events of MCU, if Tony was raising a six year old telepath in Stark Tower. There is also the matter of Charles' robot AI manny/bodyguard/tutor/only-friend, David.

Come as you are – scarlettblush

Summary: Hospital AU. The one where Charles unknowingly woos a coma patient with Pride and Prejudice. Years later, they meet again.

Simple and Uncomplicated – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik and Charles had been fuck buddies for some, but when Charles is in an accident he figured their relationship would be over. Erik's visit to his bedside in the hospital changes his assumptions even as he has trouble believing Erik is sincere.

Fools Rush In – LoveSupreme

Summary: Erik owns a cafe on the edge of campus and accidentally starts maybe-stalking a Biology Professor there.

Cannot be Contained in Words – wallhaditcoming (uvacatastrophe) 

Summary: Crime syndicate head Erik Lehnsherr travels to London on business, where he meets oxford student Charles Xavier. Their liaison spawns into a years long transatlantic affair, kept apart by Erik's work and Charles' studies,which Erik chronicles in photographs. When distance ceases to be an issue after four long years, the overlap between Charles' past and Erik's work create a whole new set of complications.

From Westminster With Love – thehoyden

Summary: NATO intelligence says there’s an omega-class telepath who sleeps under Westminster. Major Erik Lehnsherr is about to find out the truth for himself.

Everyday Love in Stockholm – tahariel

Summary: Magneto is the ruler of the posthuman world.

His only secret? Charles Xavier, the human he's kept locked in his bedroom ever since his right-hand woman, Mystique, came to him pleading for mercy for her stepbrother, who accepted her mutant form and protected her as a child. The human he started fucking after Mystique was killed in battle, despite the guilt he feels at contaminating even this last promise to the woman who was integral to his life's work and happiness.

City By The Sea – Black_Betty

Summary: It never bothered Charles that he essentially belonged to someone else from birth. Ever since he could remember he had been told stories about the mysterious prince who was his betrothed, and who one day would be called husband. As he grew older, Charles caught his thoughts drifting away from lessons under strict tutors, his mind slipping into the hazy daydream of his life yet to come…

Nation Building and other Diplomatic Negotiations – Pookaseraph

Summary: With the recent passage of a submissive registration law in the United Kingdom, there are now only two industrialized nation with a relatively stable government to have neither a mutant nor a submissive registration law. Erik Lehnsherr, the newly minted King of Genosha, and his Prime Minister Emma Frost intend to take advantage of this turn of events to bring the Xavier Institute to the island nation of Genosha. They both know bringing Charles Xavier, the noted activist of mutant and submissive rights, to the island will necessarily politicize the man, and create all manner of complications. With a constitution not yet finalized and external threats to Genoshan security all around them, Erik, Emma, and Charles will fight for what they believe in to shape Genosha into what it should be.

The stars incline us, they do not bind us – ikeracity, Pangea

Summary: Intergalactic Federation pilot Lieutenant Charles Xavier is assigned last-minute to a high profile mission: transporting over two thousand prison inmates from an old and overfilled prison complex to a newer, higher-capacity prison stronghold located on the outer reaches of the galaxy. Just as he's settling down for a long and uneventful ride, things take a turn for the worse after the inmates riot and stage a hostile takeover of the ship, leaving Charles to find himself at the complete mercy of cold-blooded killers and facing the chilling prospect that he might not ever make it back home alive.

Space Oddity Series - MonstrousRegiment,  Pangea

Summary: Prince Charles Xavier is Deputy Commander of the TEF Heartsteel and the newest mission they've been assigned starts out less than desirable and quickly goes downhill from there. It's alright, though, he'll cope.

It doesn't help, though, that he's in unrequited love with his best friend and Commander of the Heartsteel, War-Prince Erik Lehnsherr.

Chessmen (XMFC/Inception fusion AU) – kaydeefalls

Summary: "Shaw has information that we need, and we need him alive to extract it," Moira says, and there it is: the job is on the table. Extraction.

XMFC/Inception fusion AU. Erik is an extractor, Alex is his point man. They're assembling a team to go after the most dangerous mind in dreamsharing: Sebastian Shaw. But unless Alex and the team can keep him in check, Erik's desire for vengeance might just rip the whole job apart around them -- and then there's the shade that haunts his dreams...

The Associates – ikeracity, Pangea

Summary: Where Charles is a Professor and Erik is a Mob Boss and they’re in a relationship (professional and personal). (No summary available for the series, but there is for the individual fics within the series).

The Proper Care of Actors – afrocurl, Clear_Liqeuer, Clocks, Etherei

Summary: Erik is an A-list action star who is notoriously difficult to work with, until the day he gets cast alongside Charles Xavier, rom-com darling who can charm the pants off movie audiences the world over and apparently even one Erik Lehnsherr. The paparazzi catch them out and about soon enough, and their real-life Hollywood movie romance becomes instant tabloid fodder.

An Ideal Grace – afrocurl, nekosmuse

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a visiting professor at Columbia University, as well as an acclaimed and award winning poet. Charles Xavier is a lead researcher with the Genetics Department who is well on his way to tenure. But what happens when Charles has to cancel a class because half his students abandon him in favour of a mysterious new English Lit professor? Naturally he ends up sitting in in the class, where Professor Lehnsherr mistakes him for a student. It's really too bad Erik has such a strict policy against dating students. It's also too bad Erik doesn't seem to know how to use Google.

The Marriage Bargain – kianspo

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr had made a fortune manufacturing steel in Europe. When he wished to expand to the New World, he discovered that no one would do business with him unless he was affiliated with one of the First Families, the creme de la creme of the NW aristocracy. When Lord Marko holds an auction to give away his 14-year-old stepson's hand in marriage, Erik sees his chance and takes it. He has no interest in Charles himself, but now that he has him, can they make it work?

Anarchy in the U.K. – Yahtzee

Summary: “Good God, Erik thought. The Prince of Wales is gay."

Charles lives in the unceasing glare of the public spotlight, yet keeps his sexual orientation a closely held secret, afraid he could lose his throne and force his deeply troubled younger sister into a role that would crush her. Erik, journalist and world traveler, has been a loner most of his life; he has little patience for closet cases. But a chance meeting in Kenya brings these two opposites together and sets in motion a love affair that will challenge the British monarchy -- and their most deeply held beliefs about who they are, and who they should be.”

Note: One of the best and most beloved fics in the fandom. It has been removed but I do have a copy so you can read it. I would say that this is an absolute must read for any cherik fan.

White Nights – spicedpiano, tahariel

Summary: Duke Erik Lehnsherr of Ironhold needs an omega to carry on his line, and Earl Charles Xavier of Westchester needs an alpha to give him the political leverage he needs in order to make his sister Queen. An arranged marriage brings them together, but Erik's lust for war and Charles' hidden agenda threaten to tear them apart. In the frozen Northlands of Ironhold life is hard and cold, and both Charles and Erik must give up their pretense and see each other as they really are: perfect for each other, if only they'll acknowledge it.

Note: This fic is a fandom classic but unfortunately it has been removed from Ao3. I do have a copy of it if anyone wants to read it.

[musette22]

Just saw your answer to the anon who asked you about Sebastian speaking on body issues and saw his IG post. And it made me dive in into his instagram and wow he was so open with people. I don’t know it made me think of two things specifically, there’s a post that’s gaining some traction on twitter and it’s a video of Sebastian running to hug fans at film festival/red carpet of some sort, and the tweet says “he used to love us so much” “how did we lose so bad”, and also in the Hot Wings interview, Sean mentions something to him and Seb replied “Do I talk about this things publicly?”.

Point is that sometimes I wonder if he regrets having built that kind of closeness with fans, or being that open himself. But I also think that Sebastian never thought he would end up getting this kind of famous, you know? It just makes me sad for him in a way, but also it makes me proud to see him making the choice to take a step back and protecting his peace and quite frankly everyone around him, partner, friends and family.

Also I know it’s wrong to group people but some fans also need to accept responsibility in their actions. Because in Seb’s case, this is not only on the hater’s, everyone has some fault in it.

Hello! Thank you for your message <3 I've discussed this quite a bit in the past, and I kind of feel like I've said most of what I have to say on the subject, but since you may well not have been follow me for the previous discussions, I'll just sort of summarize my thoughts, if that's ok!

You're absolutely right that Sebastian used to be way more open with his fans (he even called them 'friends' at some point), and that in recent years he's had to take a huge step back, on account of his growing fame and some 'fans' growing entitlement/insanity. He's talked about how it affected his life and mental health, so even though I miss his social media presence, I'm really glad he's looking after himself and doing what he needs to do to keep things manageable and live a happy and content life!

I couldn't tell you whether or not he regrets being so open with his fans in earlier years, but I kind of feel like he doesn't, and probably just regrets that it turned out to be impossible to maintain that kind of closeness in later years (and that some people treated him they way they did, and still do). He seems to really enjoy interacting with nice fans, even now, after a rough few years. It's just a shame not everyone is nice, or deserving of his kindness and attention.

So I agree with most of your message, except for the last bit. Yes, it was a a combination of circumstances which led to Sebastian taking a step back, but within those circumstances, I don't think anybody was at fault for anything, except for the people who were rude, entitled and often acted borderline insane. In my opinion, Sebastian wanting to interact with fans wasn't wrong (he's just a friendly guy and he enjoys talking to people), and fans wanting to interact with Sebastian wasn't necessarily wrong either (it makes sense to be excited about your fave interacting with you). But they should have observed and respected certain obvious boundaries, and some of them didn't (and still don't) and in fact started habitually and deliberately crossing them, and that was wrong.

So yeah, those are my thoughts on the situation, roughly! In any case, as much as I miss him, I'm so glad to see he seems to be doing so well now, and I can't wait to see him again once he starts promoting his new movies this year!! <3

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Omg I have an angsty request that I’m sure is going to rip my heart out and light it on fire. It’s a super long and specific request so sorry if I get carried away:

Okay so reader had an unspoken thing in the glade with Gally but then he “died” so over the course of the events of scorch trials she got closer with newt and they start their own unspoken thing. But then in the death cure, newt (realizing he has the flare) starts encouraging her to reconcile with gally because he knows that he’s gonna die and gally will take care of her? But she’s confused on who she loves but kinda clings to what she has with newt because he needs her. And she’s just heart b r o k e n over newt dying but gally helps put her pieces back together in the safe haven and eventually they have their fluffy first time together?

Thanks!

*Fanfare* *Triumphant Music* I finally finished this one! Sorry it took a while, I really wanted this to be perfect. But I think I'm quite happy with how this one turned out! I hope you like it too, sweet Anon. Btw, I know you wanted smut, but I just didn't think it would fit with this one. Sorry, maybe on the next one!

Over 5.2k words, so strap in for a long one y'all

Possible Trigger Warning: Self Harm

~~~~~~~~~~

During your time in the Glade, you were practically attached at the hip with Gally.

He was your best friend, your first go to whenever you had any issues, and you were the same to him.

After his supposed death, you felt a void in your soul. You took on a nihilistic attitude, nothing in life making sense anymore. You didn't care about what happened to you or around you, you wished you had died with Gally, the idea of it being welcomed with open arms.

The thought of dying brought no anxiety, no dread. Even the thought of dying painfully didn't scare you, you wanted it. Everyday you thought about that spear going through Gally's chest, wanting to feel what he must've felt. You wanted to feel the same pain and fear, you wanted to feel like you were dying too.

No rational side of you could explain why you felt this way. Perhaps, if you felt the same pain he felt, maybe it would give some sort of closure. Maybe it would make you feel like you were still close to him, even in death.

It wasn't too long before you decided to act on those feelings. You had been only a knife to your chest, right where your heart was, hyping yourself up to push the blade into your skin.

You didn't want to kill yourself, no. You wanted your death to be natural, not forced. You'd suffer your own existence until your time eventually came like it did for everyone else. But Newt didn't know this when he happened upon you that night, just a couple centimeters of a blade shredding its way into your skin.

Newt panicked, immediately stopping your from hurting yourself, his heart racing at the thought of being too late. But thankfully, he wasn't.

You tried to seem somewhat normal, but the laughter bubbling from your chest couldn't be withheld, making Newt fear that you had lost your mind. He wasn't too far off...

He knew how much Gally's death impacted you, he knew you were in pain every second of every day, but he never thought you'd go so far as hurting yourself. He just silently patched you up, fearing anything he would say from a good place would only upset you further.

Eventually, you explained why you had done what you did. It obviously didn't sit right with Newt. He wasn't particularly close with Gally back in the Glade, but he knew well enough that he wouldn't want you to be living with this mindset.

After a while in the Scorch, you stuck by Newt the most and you started to get better. You felt so empty after Gally's death, leaving a hole in your heart. Newt helped lead you out of that void, trying his best to fit that empty space. But you knew nobody could replace Gally, not even Newt. You knew that space could never be filled, but just seeing Newt try to be that person for you, it was too endearing not to pull at what heartstrings you had left.

Then the complications happened, so much time spent believing that Gally was dead came crashing down as he stood in front of you all, very much not dead.

You thought it had to be a dream, could he really be here?

It was strange. You thought you'd run to him, leap into his arms and kiss all over his face, but you didn't. You stood next to your friends awkwardly as he took off his gas mask. To think you'd be more outwardly happy that someone you cared about was still alive. But you couldn't help the guilt that you felt when Gally said that they left him to die. Sure, it might've not been specifically directed to you, but you felt the sharp sting of his words resonate through you. It almost felt like a strong invisible force hit your funny bone, the volt of uncomfortable aching pain spreading throughout your entire body and leaving you in a breathless agony.

For Gally, he was overjoyed to see you alive and well. He so badly wanted to go to you, feel you in his arms again. But he knew he couldn't, how could he after how he treated everyone back in the Glade?

He didn't remember a lot, but he knew he killed Chuck. The blurry memories of that day, he saw it every night in his dreams. He remembered the sound of the gunshot, the sudden pain in his chest and not being able to breathe. He saw Chuck laying beside him, his expressionless eyes trained on the ceiling, unmoving. His chest wasn't rising and falling like it should've been, blood seeping through his layers of clothing. The most purest soul Gally ever met was dead, and it was his fault.

Gally couldn't even bring himself to look in your direction, he was too disgusted with himself.

Thomas punching Gally wasn't a big shock, he knew he deserved it. But Newt quickly came to his rescue, stopping Thomas from acting out irrationally. But a part of Gally didn't want the Greenie to be stopped. Being punched wasn't something he enjoyed, but Gally would willingly endure whatever punishment that would be inflicted and he'd accept that he deserved it. But nothing he could do or say would bring Chuck back...

When Gally did finally force himself to look at you, he wish he hadn't. You looked indifferent, which never happened with you. He instantly thought that you hated him as much as Thomas did, but then again, he deserved it.

It was really tough for Gally to keep a conversation with everyone while he took them to see Lawrence, especially when he noticed how close you stuck by Newt. But, he supposed it was only natural to find another person to be close to when you've lost someone else, he still couldn't help the feeling of jealousy that bubbled up in his chest. He hated how good you and Newt looked together, you seemed...happy.

At the moment, you weren't even close to happy; you were confused, and angry.

It sounded terrible, but a part of you was angry that Gally was actually still alive. You had to go through the mourning process, and you hadn't even finished it and now all of a sudden, he was alive all this time. It put your emotions on haywire, the most you felt was confusion, and if someone would've told you what you were experiencing was some sort of a twisted dream, you would believe them. But your feet were too sore and sunburn too irritating for this all to be a dream.

You sensed Newt's eyes trained on you, you knew he was probably worried, but you couldn't decide what for. Was he worried that you'd go back to Gally? Was he worried you'd replace him now that he was still alive? Knowing Newt, he probably just wanted to talk to you, but even then, you would have no idea what to say. What do people feel or say in situations like this? You were certain not everyone has to go through the loss of a loved one just to find out that they weren't gone, right?

It was late, and you were exhausted, as was everyone else; but you stayed awake, attempting to sleep only causing you to toss and turn, and eventually giving up. But someone else was awake, you were shocked to see that it was Newt. "What're doing awake?" He asked, taking a seat next to you.

"Could ask you the same thing." You replied, only getting a look from Newt in response. "Couldn't sleep." You sighed, caving in to his concerned expression.

"I know it's not my place," Newt started, wringing his hands together nervously, "but, you haven't said a word to Gally." You knew he was going to bring that up, you had that feeling as soon as he saw you were still awake. "I know it was a shock, to all of us. But I thought it'd effect you the most, to be quite honest. You two were pretty close..."

You shrugged weakly, shaking your head. "I don't know what to tell you. Was I supposed to react a certain way? Was I supposed to drop to my knees and burst into tears or something?"

Newt grimaced. "No...of course you're not supposed to act a certain way. It's just a bit strange to me that you haven't tried to speak to him at all."

"I don't even know what I'd say to him." You chuckled bitterly.

"I know you and Gally had something, something special. That sort of thing doesn't just go away. You were absolutely gutted after what happened, this is a chance to reconnect. You care about him, a lot."

"Hey, that doesn't change the way I feel about you. I care about you a lot too."

Newt smiled weakly. "I know, but I really think you should go and talk to him."

You could tell he was being sincere, but you couldn't understand why. You two had grown close over the past several months, so why would he want you to reconnect with someone you used to be even closer with? You weren't really given the time to think over it more before Newt was quickly encouraging you to speak with Gally, telling you where his room was, somehow knowing this conversation would happen and finding out beforehand.

Just a few moments later, you found yourself outside of Gally's door, fist extended out to hover over the worn wood, but you couldn't bring yourself to knock. Thinking back to how hard you tried to avoid Gally when he came back, what if he thought you hated him? What if he didn't want to talk to you?

But before you could chicken out, you forced yourself to knock on Gally's door without thinking, soon hearing the thud of footsteps nearing. With bated breath, you waited for the door to open, anxiety gripping your mind so intensely that it almost triggered your fight or flight response. But Gally's almost hopeful and shocked expression when he saw you waiting relaxed you a little bit. "...hi." Gally voiced, the nervous and confused tone to his voice not going unnoticed by you.

"Hi." You replied, your voice probably just as shaky and nervous as his.

"Uh, come in." He said quickly, moving out of the doorframe, his hands slightly shaking when he motioned you to enter his room.

Your heart was beating out of your chest, so fast and hard that you were worried Gally would be able to hear it. Your hands were shaking, as well as your legs as you walked into his room, it was a miracle you didn't collapse right then and there. You tried not to jump as you heard the click of his door closing, you tried to take deep calming breaths before Gally turned to face you, the two of you almost on complete opposite sides of the room just standing awkwardly.

You stared at Gally, your gaze running up and down his body but ultimately stopping to stare at his chest. Tears quickly came to your eyes as you saw how healthy he looked, like a spear wasn't embedded in his chest months ago. You couldn't stop the flow of whimpers that came from your throat, putting your hands up to cover your face in embarrassment. You felt your face start to burn as you felt Gally's arms wrap around you as soon as you started to cry, but his warmth comforting you only caused you to let out more tears.

You never thought you'd be in his arms again.

Gally stood there silently, holding you and just trying to soothe you as best he could. In the back of his mind, he was astonished that you even let him come near you, you had avoided him altogether up until this moment. But the whimpers he heard coming from you, seeing the tears spilling from your eyes, he instinctively went to hug you. He also couldn't ignore the guilt he felt, thinking that you were crying because of him. He hated it. But you hugged him back tightly, burying your face in his chest and trying to stifle your sobs.

"You're here..." You cried softly, "you're really here..."

Gally's lip trembled, tears of his own brimming his eyes at how much pain you must've been in thinking he was dead all this time, your voice giving away your feelings. He exhaled shakily, "I am here." He placed a kiss to the top of your head. "I'm here."

For a few minutes, you and Gally just held each other silently. You both needed this, understanding how badly you missed one another. Soon, you were able to calm yourself, but you still didn't pull away. Gally only pulled away slightly so he could see your face, frowning when he saw your eyes were puffy and tearstained. "I'm so sorry, Y/n."

You furrowed your brows, shaking your head. "What happened wasn't your fault, Gally." You said genuinely. No matter how much pain and anger you felt about what happened to Chuck, you never once blamed him. You knew W.C.K.D. killed him, and every other Glader who died. But Gally's frown told you everything you needed to know; he still blamed himself.

"I should've gone with you." He whispered, resting his forehead against yours. "How can you even stand the sight of me?"

"Because I know you never would've killed anyone if you weren't stung, especially Chuck."

Hearing Chuck's name out loud made tears brim Gally's eyes once more, tightening his fists in anger at himself. "Chuck deserved so much better...he wasn't supposed to die..." He cried, causing you to pull him back into your embrace, rubbing his back while trying to not to cry again.

"None of us deserved to get experimented on."

Eventually, you lead Gally to sit next to you on his bed, holding his hand. It felt so right to be sitting there with Gally, you missed him so much that you despised ever feeling even the slightest bit of anger when you first saw that Gally was alive. But one emotion did not go away, you still felt confused.

While sitting there with Gally, you couldn't help but think about Newt. He was so adamant about you reconciling with Gally, was he hoping that something would happen between you two? You truly cared a lot about Newt, and you knew he felt the same way, so you couldn't understand why he was acting this way.

You sighed softly when you started to feel sleepy, standing up slowly. "I should probably head back."

Gally quickly stood up with you. "Uh, you could stay here if you want?" He stammered, causing you to smile a little.

"That's okay. I already had a sleeping bag set up for me downstairs, so..."

Gally tried to hide his disappointed frown, choosing to walk up to you until you two were face to face. Maybe it was too soon, but ever since he saw you, Gally had the strongest urge to place his lips on yours. He missed your soft lips that he only had the privilege of feeling a few times back in the Glade before everything happened. He gently grabbed hold of your jaw, tilting your face up and leaning forward slowly.

You wanted him, you wanted him so bad. But before his lips could connect, Newt's face popped up in your mind and you couldn't, you forced yourself to turn away.

You tried not to look at Gally's face, knowing that he'd probably look like a kicked puppy. You couldn't, it would be too painful. "It's Newt." Gally frowned, taking a step back.

Your eyes widened, finally taking a glance over to him to indeed see that his expression was one of disappointment and sadness. "I never said-"

"You didn't have to." Gally interrupted. "I see the way you look at him...it's how you used to look at me." You stayed silent, a feeling of guilt washing over you. "I don't blame you, Y/n, for finding someone else. I'd never expect you to grieve over me forever, that's too selfish."

Hearing this, you had a terrifying thought that you needed to voice out loud. "Did you ever find someone else?" You asked nervously, afraid of his answer.

"No..." He smiled weakly, "No one that could ever compare to you."

You hated that you felt relieved, you were the one who seemed to be selfish. But, you couldn't just drop what you had with Newt now that Gally's still alive. You couldn't say anything else, what could you say to that?

"You should get some sleep." Gally said, opening his door and motioning you to get out.

"Gally..." You whispered.

"Please. Just...we have a busy day tomorrow."

You sighed. You couldn't argue with him.

Newt watched you walk back downstairs, getting into your sleeping bag with a very prominent frown. Doesn't seem like it went well, he thought. He felt relieved and frustrated at the same time. Newt really cared for you, he could even go as far as saying he loved you, but he needed you and Gally to get back together, or become friends again at least.

It wasn't too long ago that Newt found out he had the Flare. He saw the black and purple veins slowly travelling up his arm, and the pain, the pain was the worst part. You had already gotten close to him, so he was heartbroken to know that you'd just lose another person you cared for. After Gally, he knew you wouldn't be able to handle another loss. So when Gally showed up out of the blue, it was like a miracle, Newt's prayers had been answered.

Newt felt jealousy, of course, he wanted to stay with you. He didn't want Gally to take you from him, but what use would he be when he was dead or a Crank? He tried not to be angry with you, it wasn't your fault how you were feeling, but he needed to know you'd be okay when he was gone.

Newt did try talking to you about it, but you always changed the subject or simply didn't answer him. Before you all knew it, it was time to start planning Minho's rescue mission. Thomas didn't want to use Teresa, and hearing that only made Newt's anger bubble to the surface.

It wasn't like Newt to lash out like that, he was always so calm and relaxed. Maybe the stress finally got to him, maybe it was something else...

You immediately followed after Newt when he stormed out after yelling at Thomas, not knowing that Gally's sad eyes were following you. You couldn't think of anything else, you just had to know that Newt was okay.

You found Newt on the roof, sitting on the ledge. "Newt?" You asked, concerned. "Are you okay...?" You stepped closer captiously, finally taking a seat next to him.

Newt only smiled bitterly. "No...no, not really."

You sighed, looking out to the horizon, trying to find the right words to say. "We all thought Teresa was our friend...it's okay to be angry."

Newt shook his head. "It's not that."

You furrowed your brows. "Then, why did you lash out at Thomas?"

Newt bit his lip to keep it from trembling. He never wanted you to find out this way. He didn't even want you to know. But after that scene he made, he knew there was no point in hiding it anymore.

Tears came to your eyes as Newt lifted up his jacket sleeve, revealing his discolored arm. You knew what it was immediately, seeing it on every Crank you came across. "No..." You whispered. "No."

"I know I probably shouldn't have kept it from you, but I was scared. I still am."

"We'll fix it!" You quickly said, it sounding more like a plead. "We'll find another cure!"

Newt only gave you a weak smile. "I don't think that's a possibility right now, love. Besides, Minho needs us."

"No, you're not allowed to give up like that, Newt. We'll find something to help you. If Brenda was cured, so can you. Teresa might-"

"Please, Y/n." Newt voiced sharply. "Please...just stop. I don't need false hope."

Before you could say anything else, you heard the roof access door open, Thomas walking up to the two of you. "Y/n, can I, uh, talk to Newt? Alone?"

You looked to Newt, who nodded, signaling for you to leave. You stood up, speed walking inside and down the stairs. The tears kept falling, blurring your vision, and you had no idea what to do. Newt was dying, and there was nothing that you could do about it, and it didn't seem like he was too eager to try and find a cure. You hoped Thomas could talk some sense into him. But in that moment, your feet subconsciously took you to Gally's little apartment. You stood in front of the door in tears, wishing that you didn't feel the urge to find comfort in him when Newt was sick. But, you knocked on the door, quickly placing yourself in Gally's arms as soon as he was in front of you.

Gally didn't know what was wrong, he barely got a good look at your face before you threw yourself at him. But the way you were shaking and whimpering, he knew you were crying, and he didn't have the heart to pull away from you. He walked backwards and shut his door, leading you to sit down on his bed with him. He just held you as you cried, leaning his head down on top of yours until you calmed down. He finally spoke when your cries were just quiet sniffles. "What happened?"

You exhaled a shaky breath, lifting your head to look at Gally. "Newt has the Flare..."

"W-What...?" Had Gally heard that right? Could his mind be playing tricks on him? He just assumed everyone that was in the Glade was immune, that's why they were there, right? But you repeated what you had said, confirming what Gally thought he heard. "I...I'm so sorry..." That's all Gally could say. He wasn't very well spoken in these types of situations, all he could do was bring you back into another hug.

You finally understood why Newt was pushing you to get close to Gally again; he wanted you to be close to someone when he died.

Yet another situation that had you confused. You knew you loved Gally, you always had, he was your best friend. But now you had Newt, he helped you through everything while in the Scorch, helped you try to overcome your grieve and probably saved your life multiple times. How could you possibly make a decision like this?

You and Gally never put a label on what you had in the Glade, and nobody asked either, not even Alby. You both just knew that you cared for one another, that you'd do anything for the other. But as time went on, you felt guilty knowing what you'd ultimately choose. It was always going to be a lose lose for you.

Newt needed you, and you couldn't leave him when he needed you the most.

Gally, deep down, knew what your decision was going to be. You had a big heart. You never would leave anyone behind, even if they were infected. Back in the Glade, Gally wouldn't have hesitated in sacrificing the few to save the many, but you were never like that. You cared about everyone, especially the people who were closest to you. You never were going to give up on Newt, you couldn't now. You would spend as much time with him as possible, what little time he might've had left. And you did, until he took his final breath.

You felt like you were a glass vase that had been shattered, and every time you tried to pick up the pieces, the glass would just cut deeper and deeper into your skin. It felt like life didn't want you to be put back together. Nothing felt real. Everything that happened in the Last City felt like a fever dream. You hoped that one day you'd wake up and you'd be back in the Glade, everyone was still alive. Maybe if you could go back in time, maybe you could save everyone, maybe you could've convinced Gally to listen to Thomas, maybe you could've held off Newt a bit longer in time for Brenda to give him the cure.

A lot of maybe's, a lot of hopes and prayers, never answered.

Now in the Safe Haven, you felt anything but safe.

You didn't talk to anyone for awhile, not even Gally. You had nothing to say, and you were afraid of breaking down in front of everyone. So, you isolated yourself. And then a couple weeks later, you finally felt everything bubble to the surface.

Sitting down somewhere along the coastline, not too close to the water, but close enough that you could feel the salty breeze of the waves hit you gently as the evening cooled when the sun started to go set.

You tucked yourself up into a ball, your knees as close as you could get them to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them. And, you cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. The ugly kind of crying. Your tears weren't coming out one eye at a time in a perfectly straight line down your face like in the movies, you weren't making quiet sniffles or whimpers, you were full on sobbing. Tears came out of your eyes so fast that you could barely make out the sun on the horizon, your shirt sleeves were most definitely covered in snot and whatever salty tears it had the chance to catch. Your throat felt like it was being torn apart by how intense your sobs were. The sobs sounded more like you were having a coughing fit, one of those phlegmy hacking coughs that made you feel like you were going to vomit.

You knew you most likely weren't far enough away from the camp to quiet your weeping, and you knew you were just embarrassing yourself, arranging for yourself to be completely humiliated the next morning when you had to face everybody. But in the moment, you couldn't care less. You loss someone so important to you, it felt like losing Gally all over again. But you knew this time, it was final. No surprise resurrections this time. You felt completely, and utterly, alone.

But you never were.

You felt so dissociated and detached from yourself, the wails of grief too much for your body to handle. You couldn't feel anything around you, not the warmth of the sand, not the slight chill breeze, not even Gally's arms wrapped around you tightly. You didn't realize until you passed out from exhaustion, waking up the next morning in a bed that wasn't yours, and a hut that wasn't yours.

Your vision was still a little bit blurry, all the tears from the night previous crusting to the creases around your eyes, making it a bit of a challenge opening them all the way. But, your other sense were intact enough to tell you that bacon and eggs were next to you on a bedside table. You hadn't eaten the day before, so it was mostly a primal reaction to quickly take the plate and gobble up the food.

You still had to rely on context clues to figure out where you were in the camp. As much as your eyes irritated you, they could now finally work once you were wide awake. You probably should've known immediately who's hut it was, but seeing that familiar grey knitted hoodie settled ungracefully over the backrest of a chair, you knew it was Gally's.

You blushed quickly after that realization. How did he know where you were, and how much did he see? The thought of him seeing you in such a state made you cringe. But what was more horrifying was that Gally was right outside the room, waiting for you to wake up. "Hey..." He voiced, his eyebrows knitted in concern, eyes full of sadness.

You had to look away, the heat rushing to your face making you feel like you were going to pass out again. "Hi." You croaked, your vocal cords still sore and raw.

Gally shifted his weight nervously, taking a step closer to you. "I'm sorry, for bringing you here...I was afraid you were going to hurt yourself." You snapped you gaze back to him in confusion, him quickly blushing, scratching the back of his head. "Uh, Newt told me about what you did to yourself after...after the Maze."

You self-consciously rubbed the spot on your chest where a big scar still remained. "I wasn't trying to...you know, kill myself or anything."

"Forgive me if I don't believe you." He said softly, taking a seat on the bed next to you.

You sighed, crossing your arms. "I just...I didn't know what I was thinking."

Gally gently grabbed ahold of your hand, making you uncross your arms, letting his warm hand take yours. "I'm so sorry, Y/n. Newt should be here with the rest of us. He was a good person."

You nodded as tears came to your eyes again, burning enough to make you whimper, and you leaned your head against Gally's shoulder. "I miss him so much." You cried.

Eventually, you and Gally became close again. He was always there for you. Whenever you had nightmares, whenever you were lonely, whenever you needed anything, Gally would always be there. You started to feel your relationship had almost gotten back to the point where it was in the Glade, it had been almost a year, but you still felt it was too early to be moving on. A part of you didn't want to move on, but you knew that's not what Newt wanted either.

You didn't read the note Newt wrote to you when Thomas first gave it to you. The grief was still too near, and you didn't know if you could handle it. But a couple months after your breakdown, you finally read it. Newt loved you, he had always loved you. And he wanted you to be happy, he didn't want you to be sad that he was gone, even though he knew it would be impossible. But he knew you would be okay, he knew Gally would protect you no matter what. Reading his note was part of the reason you knew it would be okay to be with Gally, it just took you some time.

One day, you and Gally were taking a break from working, just sitting near the forest tree line, and you did it; you kissed him, and you couldn't stop, you didn't want to stop. And you didn't, and neither did Gally.

After that, it was almost impossible to spend any time away from each other.

You never thought you'd smile again, but Gally always found a way. He made you so happy, and it made you cry one night when you finally realized that you were happy, and you knew somewhere out there, it made Newt happy.

~~~~~~~~~~

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