#this one deserves to be in main tags methinks

[exilley]

i love kozue please talk to me about kozue

OMG YAY!! Alr. I have to pull up some of my notes from my last rewatch

So it actually took me quite a bit to really appreciate Miki and Kozue's character arcs because theirs is arguably the most subtle out of the the entire cast (which I understand may not be saying a whole lot, as Utena emphasizes a visual approach to storytelling, where everything is more or less completely out in the open for the viewer to relish-- it's just up to the audience to decide what those symbols mean). The thing that tripped me up about Kozue is that you can't really understand her until you've understood Miki, since her whole narrative niche hinges on her relationship with her brother, and of course given RGU's egalitarian disposition in regards to textual intent, however you've understood Miki will then inevitably color your perception of Kozue. That said! I don't think it's a completely one-sided dynamic, because of course Miki is impacted by Kozue's actions all the time. I just think there's a stricter analytical chronology to dissecting the twins, and that's a departure from the rest of the series' writing, and it makes them stand out a bit more.

Blue is assigned to three characters over the course of the series: Miki, Kozue, and then Ruka. Any thematic commonalities, though, appear to be entirely lacking at first glace; after all, all their personalities and archetypes are oppositional to each other. I definitely had a hard time figuring out this one, but I think my primary (and preliminary) conclusion as to their point of contention has to do with their status as accessory characters. Ruka appears with Juri as a masculine foil, Miki's own status as a member of the student council is consistently undermined by the greater authority of those around him, and Kozue attaches her social worth to her promiscuity. Of these three, Kozue exclusively is a woman, in addition to which she is in the transitional period of adolescence along with Miki, kind of representing an ambivalent force among Ohtori's constructs. She doesn't fully belong to any class of Ohtori's residents. Sure, she has a leaning, but it's just that-- a tendency set up to exacerbate extremity. It's also the binary complement to Miki's own nuances (here we can get into RGU's exploration of Childlike Purity but that deserves its own essay lol; the point I'm trying to get across is whatever Miki is, Kozue represents the other face of the coin).

The bulk of what I managed to gather from Kozue's character actually comes from her duel song, Utopian Paste Tense Incantation. The lyrics lay on really hard with nostalgic imagery and diction.

From this.

We can grasp the core tenant of her character motivation, that being that she's wanting to return to the past when she was figuratively and literally a child, presumably to before the incident with the failed piano recital (parallel that I haven't quite managed to place is the one related to sickness. Miki and Ruka both lost their metaphorical "other" because of illness. Hm). Here, the desire to return to the past is metaphorical in nature-- obviously she doesn't want to turn back time, she wants to replicate their past dynamic, reclaim her innocence, undo metamorphosis, reject the expectations of change the world demands of her.

**Note: The 7-5-3 referenced in some of the lyrics is referring to a Japanese rite of passage and annual festival celebrating the lives of children. Traditionally, girls aged 3 and 7, as well as 5 year old (occasionally 3 year old) boys undergo a ceremony that demarcates their transition into adolescence and womanhood/manhood. Here's the Wikipedia page on it if you're interested

But THIS. This is the catcher

There's a passing mention of an amusement park, which we come to associate with Akio.

The amusement park is the place where fantasies thrive. Its attractions are bound for the same path each and every time. There's no change at an amusement park, no revolution-- only the burden of comfort. And here is the fool who rides a carousel of violence round and round for eternity, the fallen prince. Kozue's own childhood with Miki was like this, and whether it's riding a merry-go-round or playing to his brother's naivete, she keeps herself going around in circles, chasing after a prince who always had his back to her.

Kozue's resentment is mutual- Miki does not approve of her sexual activity and projects his own ideal of the past onto Anthy- but it is not inhibiting. Rather, it is passive, and most of it manifests as self-hatred. She's manipulative, not in the way that she means to hurt Miki as a form of vengeance, but in the way that she advertises a very specific persona of herself to Miki. She's performing the role those around her demand from her (princess), to seek confirmation that somewhere in Miki is the brother who she believed was kind, gentle, and chivalrous. It's fear-- she's driven by the fear that Miki will completely reject her. She was abandoned once, after the recital, and she slipped out of one phase of her life into another. But surely, surely, Miki would still take her back, right? He hasn't changed like she did (or so, I suppose she believes). Her pursuit of an incestuous relationship is the apex of her complex-- it's unhealthy and mired in presumptions of intimacy that aren't conducive to her actually getting any closer to her brother. Similarly with the other sibling pairs, we see this type of sexual abuse used as a way to spotlight the harm that stems from endorsing the caricatures of masculinity and femininity that we're conditioned to view as desirable.

Kozue presses her own vision of the past onto Miki as much as he does to her. He's her "shining thing", her relic of nostalgic antiquity. And therein is their tragedy, wanting to move on in totally different ways, unable to see eye to eye, believing in a flawed history that was never there to begin with. Neither of them want to face the future and place blame on themselves for the loss of a memory that was never once genuine. They're birds who refuse to leave behind their nest, their birdcage. And I think the most fascinating element is the conclusion for Kozue's part of the story, in the scene at the end of Miki's Nest Box, where she finally calls out Miki for being a "coward" and walks away from him, leaving him to finish the nest box on his own. I interpreted that as being symbolic of her finally discarding her own preconceptions of Miki and coming to see him for who he is rather than merely as an extension of her personhood, disavowing the connotations of princeliness she'd come to expect from her brother. He cost them the duel and their attempt at reclaiming their past because of her intrusion on his idealistic fabrications, and seeing firsthand just how fragile his worldview was allowed her to break through her own.

There's so much I haven't addressed, but this is the gist of what I think she's all about? Do add more if you have any thoughts of your own! I will say. Common misconception for Kozue I see frequently is that she's actively aggressive towards Miki because she doesn't like him for reasons ranging from "she doesn't like being objectified by Miki" to "she's been irreversibly hurt emotionally by the incident with the recital" (and that Miki doesn't like Kozue because she simply doesn't fit into his own ideal of femininity). The objection here being the correlation of causality, as I don't necessarily think that Miki's objectification or even the recital are what *caused* Kozue to behave more coldly towards her brother. I hope my train of logic makes sense here because I tried my darndest to shoot down this specific misconception... uhmm. This took a long time to write LOL

[peachyfnaf]

hii I just wanted to say how I always appreciate your tags under my art (and everyone else’s tbh). It’s just very nice and your positivity pushes me to want to make more stuff. I don’t always have the energy to gush about what I like in other people’s art, but your tumblr etiquette makes me want to try to put more effort in showing appreciation under other people’s posts. I hope you have a good day :D

Today's been a Rainy Day (mostly for my friends agdkagwhw), so I've been hoarding this ask like a greedy dragon to go and look back to whenever I got too upset, but I'm going to bed very soon so now it is Answering Time <3

Ahem. Thank you so much assugiagaig I really like doing my silly little tag rambles because my main goal when reblogging stuff is to make the person I'm reblogging from Smile. Just cheer em up a lil. Because the crazy person in their tumblr notes going coocoo bananas over what brush they used in their art is hopefully a lil silly, yeah? Yeah. :)

Very happy to know I motivate an artist I look up to!! (I'm so serious bro you are so cool, best MaFS/EaPS artist around /srs) Whenever I do my rb lineups I try to reblog from artists big and small, because everyone deserves a bit more love and attention .D.

And oh, for the reblog thing- dude, my guy, my fella, while it's true a reblog with a Yap added on is so cool and sick and motivating, just a reblog alone will make an artist pump their fist in satisfaction. Trust me, I know from first-hand experience shslskslsjk Sooo methinks just reblog the art! Share the post! If you wanna reblog it again Later now with the added gushing, go for it! If you wanna go back and edit your reblog to have a Yap added, go for it!!! Just reblog the art and always motivate Others to reblog it too!!!

Always remember gamers reblogs >>>>> likes (tis why no one sees me liking the posts i reblog IEGIEHIWHW)

so again. ty for this ask. it did me a big smile to get, i really like making people happy, and knowing i made someone i look up to happy? best feeling in the world

[lifeofkaze]

A Search for Balance

CHAPTER 28: THE VERNAL BALL

Find the masterlist with all chapters of this story here, the previous chapter here, and the next one here.

Tagging: @flareshogwarts

A/N: David Willows (in mention) belongs to @that-scouse-wizard

Hosting the Vernal Ball was the prerogative of the Quidditch League's reigning champion, so for the fifth time in a row, players and other important members of the business had found their way to Montrose.

As she walked up the driveway to the estate where the ball was being held, Lizzie took in her surroundings with wonder. The Magpies had outdone themselves this year; the path was flanked by blooming cherry trees, magical lights twinkling from between their branches, and the scent of lilac carried on the breeze coming from the nearby sea.

Dipping her head into her neck, Lizzie marvelled at the delicate beauty of the pink petals above her until a quiet scoff from Matthew made her smile disappear.

"Had you kept your dress, you could have fit right among them."

Lizzie waited until the couple overtaking them was out of earshot before she answered, "Too bad that I prefer the cherries."

Matthew glanced at her red dress, standing out from the soft pastel shades of the other guests. "Your taste has been somewhat questionable lately."

"Funny, I'm inclined to agree."

They completed the rest of their way in silence. Some journalists had gathered on the stairs leading up to the main entrance, but Lizzie paid them no mind and kept on walking. Having no choice but to follow her, Matthew flashed the cameras a smile, and stepped behind Lizzie into the bustling entry hall of the manor.

"Have you lost your mind?" he hissed as soon as they were inside. "You can't just ignore them like that."

"Looks like I can."

"Whatever has gotten into you today?"

"Some sense, methinks," Lizzie replied, waving at David Willows as he walked past with his fiancée. "These vultures don't deserve another second of my attention after everything they wrote. Now, how about you go and get us some champagne?"

The grim satisfaction Lizzie had felt after the little show she had put on for Matthew began to wane as the evening drew on. She knew most of the guests at least by sight, but despite all the familiar faces, Lizzie soon realised that she had no one to actually talk to. As she scanned the crowd for any sign of her teammates, she found herself looking in vain for one face, in particular; when it dawned on her that Orion might have chosen to stay away, a strange mix of disappointment and relief befell her.

Close by the open bar, Lizzie had seen her friend Andre Ewgu talking to a young wizard with a muscular frame and dark hair, but they were too enthralled in their conversation for her to go and join them. She briefly considered finding David Willows for a chat, but on second thought, introducing Matthew to her old friend wasn’t something Lizzie was actually too keen on.

Despite her act of defiance from earlier, Matthew had put on his best public face. He was all charms and smiles, chatting with the men and complimenting the women on their dresses. All the while, his hand kept pressing into the small of Lizzie's back, a constant reminder that he was always by her side. Eventually, her salvation came in the form of Erika Rath, who stood close to the grand piano with a group of people Lizzie didn't recognise.

"Jameson!" Erika called over the music, beckoning Lizzie over with a nod of her head. Once she and Matthew had made their way over, she gave Lizzie's dress a look. "Missed the dress code?"

"There was a last minute incident with her original dress," Matthew began, but Lizzie cut him off with a shrug.

"Thought it doesn't hurt to stand out every once in a while."

Erika, dressed in a pale blue jumpsuit and heels that made her stand taller than most men in the room, raised her eyebrows, but Lizzie thought that the corners of her mouth were twitching.

"True, seeing how your Wanderers have been doing lately."

Lizzie sighed deeply. "Whom are you telling?"

"She's right," said a big man with dark skin and a deep, rumbling voice. He must have noticed Lizzie's quizzical look because he extended one of his massive hands to her. "Gideon Gibson. I'm a scout for Puddlemere."

"Nice to meet you, Mr Gibson. I heard you made some good catches lately?"

Gibson smiled widely, presenting two rows of pearly white teeth. "Call me Gideon, please. And we have, you'll see for yourself soon enough. If your performance keeps on dropping like it has, we’ll have a shot at overtaking you."

Lizzie laughed along with him but didn't actually think it that funny. "We'll see about that, Gideon."

"I suspect we will. There's a lot to see in the future, actually. Your contract, for example. Word on the stands has been you're hard to get, but that you're still not signed by anyone? Surprising, really."

Lizzie frowned at his words, but before she could ask what he meant, Matthew said, "This is neither the time nor place to talk about contracts, especially not with the likes of you."

Gideon's and several other pairs of eyebrows shot up. "The likes of us?"

"Matthew…" Lizzie begged him, but he continued as if she hadn't spoken at all.

"People who have no say in the business. Should a club be interested in offering Lizzie a contract, we will talk to the executives and nobody else."

"Matthew, please."

"Is that so, McRae?" Erika said coolly. "Being the top-notch agent you are, you should know a scout's opinion holds its weight."

Matthew's look was icy. "I don't need you to tell me how to do my job."

"Apparently you do, or Jameson would long have a new offer on the table."

"Matthew, please don't," Lizzie said imploringly as Matthew's eyes narrowed, but instead of directing his anger at Erika, he suddenly turned on her.

"You stay out of this," he snapped at Lizzie. "You don't even know what we're talking about."

"If the players talk, the agents shut up," Erika interrupted him curtly. "Old Quidditch rule. Not that I'd expect you to know. You're not one of us, after all."

Lizzie held her breath, her eyes flicking between Matthew's badly subdued rage and Erika's stoic calm.

"I don't have to listen to this," Matthew said brusquely. "Come on, Lizzie. We're leaving."

Lizzie automatically turned to do as she was told, but then she paused. Sensing her hesitation, Matthew put his hand between Lizzie's shoulder blades and pushed her along, but Erika called them back. Her voice was still calm, but now laced with an icy anger.

"If Jameson doesn't want to leave, she’s going to stay."

Feeling Erika's presence in her back, Lizzie held Matthew's infuriated gaze until he turned away with a derisive huff.

"Fine. Finish up your business and be quick about it. I expect you to come home right after."

"It might take a while."

Matthew bent towards her and lowered his voice to almost a growl. "Don't push me, Lizzie."

"Do you need me to show you the door?" Erika wanted to know.

With a last cold look at Lizzie, Erika and the rest of them, Matthew stood up straight, turned and pushed through the crowd towards the Apparition spots. When he was out of sight, Lizzie exhaled slowly. She turned to Erika with a grateful, if somewhat bashful, smile.

"Thank you, and sorry for Matthew. He's had a rough week. He's normally not like this."

"You don't need to make excuses for him. Everyone knows he's a pompous idiot."

The words in his defence were already on the tip of her tongue, but Lizzie swallowed them. Instead, she helped herself to another glass of champagne from a passing waiter. As their conversation resumed, the other scouts broke away one after the other, until eventually, Erika and Lizzie were the only ones left.

"It's been a while since we talked one-on-one," Erika noted.

"It's been a strange few weeks," Lizzie sighed, feeling the truth of her words to her core. "I don't know where my head is, with the team and the contract and all."

"And the wedding."

Lizzie felt a plummeting sensation in her stomach. "Of course."

They didn't speak as Erika looked around the room.

"How is she doing?" she suddenly asked, more quietly than before. Lizzie didn't need to be a Seer to know whom she was talking about. She shook her head.

"I don't know. Skye and I haven't spoken since I moved out."

"You did?"

"Yes, after the fight we had in Wimbourne. I suppose you know about that."

Erika raised her eyebrows. "Everybody knows."

"I wish it hadn't gone that way," Lizzie said sadly. "We both said some pretty nasty things."

"That's what she does, though. Dealing insults like Bludgers when she doesn't get her way. It's always been like that."

Humming in agreement, Lizzie looked to where Skye stood with her older brothers. She wore a sharply tailored suit over what looked like not much else, her dark hair with the blue ends twisted into a messy knot low in her neck. Ethan Parkin was nowhere to be seen, and it was almost shocking how relaxed all three of the Parkin children seemed.

"It's not good, your fight with her affecting your game so much," said Erika, who had followed Lizzie's gaze. Lizzie was surprised at the notion.

"It doesn't."

"Doesn't it?" Erika snorted. "I've known you for some years now, Jameson. You always let your emotions rule your performance, for better or for worse. You’re better than this."

"Why are you telling me this? You're working for the Magpies, I play for Wigtown. I'm competition."

"First and foremost, you're a good player. We used to be in different houses but trained together, anyway. I hate to see a talent like yours wasted."

Lizzie frowned. "Are we still talking about my performance?"

"Maybe." Erika fixed her with a serious look. "Have you never considered transferring?"

"Not in the past, no."

"And now?"  

"I'm tired of all the fighting," Lizzie admitted tentatively. "It's exhausting and distracting, and no matter what we do, when it counts, we always fail." She shrugged helplessly. "Sometimes I wonder if Wigtown is still the right place for me."

"Good players stick with the fold. Great ones seize their chance when they see it. You have what it takes to be great, but if you stay on the safe side in Wigtown, your chance will pass you by."

It took Lizzie a moment to come up with a reply, but before she could, Erika tensed, emptied her champagne and braced her shoulders.

"Nice chat, Jameson. Think about what I said. Now excuse me, there's someone else I need to have a word with."

And with that, she was gone, pushing through the crowd toward where Gwenog Jones - captain of the Holyhead Harpies - had taken the place by Skye's side. Suddenly alone, Lizzie was unsure of what to do with herself. Her head was spinning with Erika's words, and she felt the strong urge to find someone who didn't want to talk about Quidditch.

Her eyes fell on Andre, who now stood alone and with an empty glass in hand. Taking two fresh drinks from a tray being offered to her, Lizzie made her way over to him. When Andre saw her, his face lit up, and he greeted her with a kiss on both cheeks.

"Would you look at this beauty? What a showstopper, if I may say so. Oh, and you're kind of pretty, too, Lizzie," he said, holding Lizzie at arm's length. He made a circle with his index finger, on which a big ring was glittering. "Come on, don't be shy."

Smiling to herself, Lizzie spun around herself, giving him a proper look at his creation. She had to take care not to stumble as she came to a halt; the champagne was stronger than she had thought. Lizzie giggled; it was a light and giggly sound, one she hadn't made in a while.

"Thank you so much for this gorgeous dress. I'm sorry I let it sit in my wardrobe for so long."

"A veritable crime," Andre tutted, his eyes scanning the crowd. "You know what else is a crime? How long my date is taking with the drinks."

"That's why I brought these."

"You're an angel," Andre sighed as Lizzie handed him one of the champagne flutes. "An impeccably dressed angel."

"You're the first to say anything along those lines tonight."

"Oh?" Andre wiggled his eyebrows as he drank. "I sense drama. Give it to me."

"Not tonight," Lizzie shook her head. "I just want to enjoy myself for a change. Looks like you are, anyway. You and the Puddlemere Keeper? How can your Pride heart take this?"

"Camp Pride until my dying day," Andre said, putting a hand over his heart. "But in this case, Portree might need to look the other way. I mean, have you seen his cheekbones? His eyes?"

"I'm usually too busy trying to get past his defence."

Andre flashed her a mischievous smile. "So am I."

When she spotted Andre's date making his way back towards them, Lizzie turned to go.

"Good luck with scoring, then. Let me know how it went."

"Oh, don't worry. I will," Andre laughed as he closed his arms around Lizzie. "It's been nice seeing my creation out and about instead of rotting among distasteful Quidditch shirts. Talking of which," he added more quietly, "I think there's someone else who might like to see it."

He discreetly nodded at the tall glass doors leading from the ballroom into the garden. Lizzie followed his eyes, her heart skipping a beat when she saw Orion's familiar figure breaking from the crowd and vanishing outside. She turned back to Andre with a doubtful look.

"I don't know about this, Andre."

"But I do. Just look at yourself, honey. I promise, if you're going to waste this dress, I'll be very cross with you."

With a grateful but somewhat shaky smile, Lizzie went with the nudge Andre gave her and slowly made her way towards where Orion had left the ball. When she reached the terrace doors, she hesitated, the tingling in her stomach so strong she had to press her hand against it. She stood there for another moment, the heat of the room in her back and the cool evening air on her face. 

Then she shook her head, pulled herself together, and stepped out into the night.

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

Ok so you have a lovely post about how you wish Edward could say fuck when he’s saving Bella from the van.

All of the movies are rated PG-13 and are allowed one f-bomb each.

What points and which characters in each of the movies would you like them to say fuck?

I’m curious

You ask the best questions bahaha. That is one of my favorite posts, because people's reactions are so entertaining, and also because it's such a juxtaposition to one of my other recent popular posts, which is all sincere and sweet. I just love the complete 180.

Anyway, yes you bring up an excellent point. I think this may have been discussed before at some point, but I can't recall the exact post (if anyone can, link it in the comments and I'll add it). However, I can't remember what the consensus was, so I'll have to make up my own mind lol.

First movie, obviously the van scene. Not only is it implied in midnight sun, but it would also be very sexy(I see y'all's tags, don't try and disagree now). Also, I think it would be sort of hilarious because it's like the last thing you expect to come from Mr. always polite and gentlemanly Cullen. Like the man is struggling to keep Bella from being crushed and the little frustrated curse under his breath would be *chefs kiss* If we were allowed a second f-bomb, the scene in the car after the confrontation with James would be quite ideal as well. Edward does admit in MS that he's whispering a ton of profanities under his breath sooo...

In New Moon, I'd like to hear it from Bella. I mean, there's a million opportunities for her to just scream the word considering her mental state. However, it could also be funny to include in one of her many perilous scenarios throughout the book. When she realizes her bluff against Laurent isn't working and she's about to die, when she jumps in the water and realizes the waves are too strong, when she's running through Volterra to save Edward. The last of those would be quite thematically powerful, though. Considering the reversal of roles, the frustration Bella feels at racing against time while Edward prepares to expose himself. Kinda the same vibes as the car crash.

In Eclipse, I feel like there's no perfect moment for any of the main three to say it. However, I would very much like to hear it from Emmett, so perhaps I will offer him the F-bomb. It would be very funny to hear a little "for fuck's sake" during the training scene or newborn battle of something of that sort. Or just a "fuck them" in regards to the army and/or volturi. It just seems very on brand for Emmett and he deserves to say it at least once. (plus, I think we deserve a frustrated Esme moment. "EMMETT, LANGAUGE!")

I'm sorry to say it guys, but can I really choose another scene for Breaking Dawn? The first sex scene. From either Bella or Edward. Perhaps both. Perhaps at the same time. Idk. No, I will not be taking criticism.

If we're talking Part one and Part two, I think the Volturi "battle" would only make sense, right? I mean, even without the fake-out fight scene, there are still a lot of good options. I'm not sure from who, but an instinctual part of me wants it to be Garrett. When they first see how many witnesses they've brought along, when they execute Irina, etc. There are many good options. Also the little camp-out storytelling moment could also be a good option for a little cursing, methinks.