#this was my first time doing a project like this and it was really fun
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𝐈𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 ?
Remus Lupin x Reader; 1.170 words
A/N: so a lot of the fandom likes to think of Remus as this Casanova of Hogwarts that gets everyone but also deeply hates himself and thinks he can’t have anything good. Good characterisation, not my cup of tea, so here’s how I like to imagine his character. Also as someone who appeared as if I hated people because of my previous introverted nature this was a fun idea to write.
CW: Reader appearing as mean; Remus’s pov (point of view); Reader is friends with Barty; Reader and Barty are in Ravenclaw; let me know if I need to add anything else !
There was one constant emotion on Remus’s mind, through all of his life as far as he could remember, and that was anxiety. How could it not be when he became a werewolf every full moon and thus a danger to everyone around him ? Not only that but he could put himself in danger if anyone were to ever find out about his problem, especially when he became a student there and he had friends for the first time. His anxiety probably doubled with that, tripled when they started getting suspicious of him.
But that was all in the past. That was kid Remus, and he finally grew up, his priorities as well. What was he getting anxious about now ? Is that the only girl he seemed to like appeared to be feeling the exact opposite for him. Remus was not the most sought after guy in his friend group, with his quiet nature and his numerous scar that decorated his face that made people a bit wary of him, but still, people weren’t out right mean to him. Which is why you almost completely ignoring him, and sending him glares, when you two were assigned to do a project along his three other friends made him loose his head, trying to figure out what did he ever do for you to hate him this much.
“I just don’t understand what happened ! Did I do something to her in our previous years and don’t remember ?” He was pacing in his dorm, clutching his head so hard the other three boys were afraid he would rip off his hair.
“Maybe she’s just shy. Don’t beat yourself up mate” Said James reassuringly.
“Shy ! With the glares she was sending me ?!”
James threw a look to Petter, both boys sighing at the sight of their friend. Sirius didn’t even bother paying that much attention, knowing that any attempt of comforting him would be like talking to a very panicked and deaf baby deer, instead comfortably laying in his bed and drawing. “You should talk to Junior then. He knows her like the back of his hand, will probably know what you did to her”
At that Remus stopped, letting his hands fall (surprisingly without his hair) down to his sides to questioningly stare at Sirius “Crouch ? The crazy Ravenclaw guy in our year ?”
“Yeah. Their families are close, unlikely friendship sparked, same house, yada yada… Go talk to him” He waved his wand at the door, opening it successfully. The scared boy took it as a sign that he was meant to investigate now and promptly left the dorm, and as a precaution Sirius closed, lest his friend decided to come back.
Remus had one advantage when it came to his anxiety, and it was that he could easily mask it, or at least he didn’t need to try very hard to subdue it. What guy full of scars and taller than everyone else would appear on the verge of anxiety attack when asking if he could talk to a guy along while pulling the most bitch face man kind has ever known ?
Barty almost look scared if it wasn’t for the gigantic smile adorning his face as he was left with Remus alone in the corridor. He leaned against the wall, getting comfortable for whatever discussion the Gryffindor was gonna put him through.
“Lupin ! What do I owe the displeasure ?”
He stayed quiet for a while, not really knowing how to interact with the boy in front of him. He never talked to him prior, barely saw him due to different friend groups, and weird rumours about him didn’t help gain the confidence for a talk.
“You’re… I heard you’re friends with-“
“Yes yes, we’re friends. What about it ?” he interrupted, letting out a sigh as if talking to him was already exhausting enough.
“What did I do for her to hate me ?” He let out, surprising himself at how quickly he got to the point. Though considering he was talking about his crush that seemed to not stand him, understandable.
He also surprised Barty, who looked at him like he just said complete gibberish and not actual words. He put his hands on the taller boy’s shoulder, bringing him down and effectively bringing him on the same eye level.
“Are you… are you blind Lupin ? Do you need glasses ? Or maybe you need therapy ?”
He did need it, but not for what he just said, he was sure of it. “What ? She clearly hates me. She completely ignored me during our group project”
The raven haired boy slowly blinked, before letting him go, looking at the ground like a concerned mother. “Just… just talk to her. God, you’re insufferable” And then he just walked away, no further explanation, which left Remus even more confused. Why would you ignore him then if you didn’t hate him, even sending weird looks every time he tried to talk to you ?
Well he went to you next for his answers. Which caused even more anxiety. Truly Remus would need a week of doing nothing to prevent grey hairs from growing by the time he’s twenty for the stressful day he was having.
Thankfully he decided to talk to you when you were alone in the library, his sacred little place, that he thought would maybe give him a bit more confidence. It wasn’t the case, but a man could dream. Instead much like Barty he blabbered and then asked not so subtly why you hated him.
“Pardon me ?”
You looked like a lost kitten. Confused and unsure if you should even be here. It made you look cute to him. Though probably not the best thing to think in this situation.
“Just because I don’t pay attention to you and your loud friends doesn’t mean I hate you. You’re not the center of the universe Lupin”
Now it would look like you disliked him to anyone else. But Remus saw how you dicked your head, how your cheeks were taking a darker shade and how nervously you jit your lip.
Tentatively, he ducked his head as well, whispering in your ear. “Can I assume that you… fancy me then ?”
He almost regretted asking that. You were practically stranger, you didn’t show him any signs of liking him, and he was now going to ruin this entire relationship before it even started and then-
“Yeah… I just didn’t know how to process it. People are not my strong suit”
“Oh” Well that changed everything…
“Oh. Well it’s okay. They’re not mine either…” He nervously looked down at you. You didn’t seem anxious or nervous like he was. Just a bit confused. He liked it. He really like it, and you, especially you.
“I know a place where there isn’t much people where we can do… whatever couples do ?
And there was a smile. A cute little smile that made his heart beat a thousand miles with the feeling that it could jump out of his chest.
© reveriederayne; every work posted on this blog is my own. I do not give anyone permission to copy, translate, or repost my works anywhere under any circumstance.
#rayne dreams#marauders era fic#remus lupin fic#remus x reader#remus x you#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#ravenclaw reader
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Found this in my drive, convince me to finish it?
i think it's either set in the russian base or the bathroom in season 3. reader has acne btw (me projecting lol)
also guys pls talk to me, i rebloged some ask games? (ik i look desperate, i'm rlly bored)
“You know I sat behind you in Biology for two years?” The words come out sharper than you expected, trembling at the edges. You swallow hard, heart pounding in your chest. “Sophomore year… you used to bully me, Steve.”
He looks confused, like the sentence doesn’t register. Like you’re speaking another language. You push on, bitterness curling in your throat.
“You and your friends, you made my life miserable.”
You pause, just for a second, long enough for the old memories to start flooding in. The snickers behind your back. The cruel whispers. The way his laughter, once just background noise in the classroom, became a trigger for dread.
“I liked to draw…” You say quietly. “And I was spotty, worse than I am now. I wore these ugly clothes and… you guys made fun of everything. Every sketch. Every pimple. Every time I raised my hand in class.” You exhale shakily. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe when you were near. I was constantly terrified I’d do something wrong, or weird, or just exist the wrong way in your line of sight.”
Your voice shakes, but you don’t stop.
“You guys ruined my life. For ages. I was so… insecure. So anxious all the time. I didn’t belong anywhere.”
You can see something shift in his face, guilt, maybe, or confusion. But it doesn’t matter. You’ve carried this for too long to soften now.
“Oh, [Y/n]…” Steve begins, his voice low and regretful.
But it makes something twist in your stomach, not comfort, not validation. Something worse. Something unfair.
You laugh, bitter, hollow.
“And now I work in this stupid ice cream store, wearing this stupid outfit, serving stupid sundaes to stupid, rude customers.” Your fists clench at your sides. “And I smile like nothing’s wrong, like it’s all okay and it doesn’t still haunt me.”
“Hey! Hey, I’m really sorry, I… I don’t even remember you-”
That’s it. That breaks you.
“Right.” You whisper, stunned. “So that makes it all okay? That you don’t even remember me? That the comments, the laughs, the jokes at my expense meant so little to you, you just forgot?”
Your eyes burn. You blink fast, furious at yourself for almost crying.
“You ruined my life, Steve! School was the only place I felt like I could escape, and you made it worse! You made me feel like a joke.”
You force yourself to breathe, shallow, rapid breaths that don’t do anything to calm you down.
“While you were making out with Tammy, or Tina, or Nancy in the bathroom,” You spit, “I was in the stalls. Crying. Hoping it would all just… stop.”
Silence falls between you like glass shattering.
Steve’s face is pale, stunned into stillness. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
And for the first time, maybe ever, you see it, a crack in the shiny, golden-boy armor he always wore. And for the first time, maybe ever… he sees you.
#steve harrington x reader#stranger things x reader#steve harrington x you#stranger things x y/n#stranger things x you#stranger things fanfiction#steve harrington angst
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Oh yeah no, Susie is murdering the clones basically on mass. I mean they are a bit bite happy but I don’t think that warrants shooting undisciplined toddlers in the face with a shot gun (and to be fair, the toddlers are probably justified in the biting)
DDD: "...Ya' gotta be kiddin' me."
DDD: "Yo, Susie, you killin' them Meta-clones baby things?? You killin' babies Haltmann?"
SU: "Ki-Killing babies?! Why, that's anti-ethical to what Haltmann Works Company stands for! Who said that! That's libel! I would never kill ""babies"" unless it's for scientific and/or ethical reasons such as severe deformities, stem cell acquisition, or the mother's choice in termination."
DDD: "Uh-uh. Lemme put it this way.....So yer' not killin' those clone things of yours?"
SU: "Oh! Yes, I am~ I a lot! However, they all have the bio-marking of being adults if that is your issue. I can give you the Haltmann Works Company Ethics, Morals, and Responsibility division's promise that Haltmann Works Company does not kill babies for the fun of it, but strictly for scientific purposes which rarely ever happens so we're not killing little Meta Knight babies as all of the Meta Knight clones we do kill, which is a lot mind you, are adults. And, to be fair, we don't use the word kill at HWC. We much prefer the usage of the word termination. It sounds less...vile."
DDD: "..."
DDD: "...Whyyyyyy....?"
SU: "Eh. Well, during their creation errors pop up. Such as being deformed. Too violent. Or just...wrong. All sorts of errors. It's easier and far more efficient to just kill them and try again, isn't it?"
DDD: "Barrin' the ethicals of you clonin' Meta Knight, my friend and...all of that. That's just plain wrong. Ya' can't just go an' kill things you create willy nilly, I'm sure that causes some bad mojo... Or somethin'. I'm not gonna defend ya' when there's a army of ghost Meta Knight's on your tail."
SU: "Eehh well, what am I supposed to do with the ones I don't want?"
DDD: "...Well... Crap. I dunno, give them jobs or somethin'?"
SU: "Hmph! If you think for a second I would trust an organic other than me with the meticulous work that goes on at HWC you're wrong! So wrong!"
DDD: "Uh-huh...I see. Well, can ya' shut it down? Let them go?"
SU: "No way! They know too much and I'm having way too much fun! Plus, I've found so much data I don't know what to do with it! Who cares if a few eggs break when I'm making so many omelettes!"
DDD: "Susie...That's!"
SU: "Ehh...?"
DDD: "Susie, when ya' do things like that it hurts my feelings."
SU: "...?"
DDD: "And, when ya' do things like that, it makes me not want to be friends."
SU: "...."
DDD: "Ergo, if ya' want to continue bein' friends with me! I'mma have ta' ask ya' to shut down this whole clonin' operation."
SU: "Well, if it's like that..."
DDD: "Susie, w-wait."
SU: "It was nice being friends with you, thank you for your time Sire! I'll be sure to terminate any HWC-Dreamland contracts, imports, and projects that are ongoing, pending, or planned. Buh-bye!"
DDD: "Darn, Meta Knight's really not gonna like this..."
-------------------------------------------------------- Well, I gave it my best shot. I even tried explainin' objectively, slowly, and clearly and that didn't even work. Usually that works. I think I ended up scarin' her off...
-King Dedede The First, Ruler of Dream Land
[Arc Controller | "Clone Wars" | Previous <--> Next ]
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Hello!
I'm Lee (any pronouns), a middle aged queer writer from the midwest of the US. It's been a bit, so I'm doing another writeblr intro, to find more potential writeblr folks to chat with!
What I write:
- Mostly scifi! I have a bit of fantasy brewing in a collab project, but mostly, scifi.
- Queer stuff. Lots of different types of queerness.
- Community. Both in the group-hugs-and-support variety and the extreme-mess/everybodies-traumas-keep-smashing-into-each-other variety. I have training as a family therapist and am endlessly fascinated by interpersonal dynamics. This is the meat of my work.
- Grounded worldbuilding. My main project right now is near future scifi that diverges from our timeline around 2001. I'm enjoying the hell out of playing the US I know with some very key tweaks that changed society. I know a lot about medical systems, criminal justice systems, and legal systems and like using fantasy and scifi elements to show them as I know them. But like, in a way that should appeal to people who give 0 shits about US institutions.
- Disability stuff. Not that after-school-special shit. I am just tired of characters being generic pretty dolls whose physical attributes don't impact how they move through the world. That means not only writing a variety of different disabilities, but also different bodies. My characters aren't "inspiration porn" or just waiting around for less disabled characters to come save them. They are messy, with a wide array of relationships to their limitations and the things they use to cope with those limitations.
- YA into new adult. Not exclusively, but mostly. I really like taking characters from YA into early adulthood. Not just a standard coming-of-age arc, but the actually moving from a self-concept of a dependent teen into someone with legal responsibility for themselves, jobs, college, etc. Especially when combined with all of the above. I love a nice long character arc with lots of sub-arcs along the way.
What I have out, now.
- I have two books out so far, Secondhand Origin Stories and Names in Their Blood. I'm working on book 3 in that planned 5 book series now, which is currently titled Brittle Idols.
- I have a free monthly newsletter called Shed Letters where I talk about psychology, tech, queerness, storytelling, and the creative process, plus whatever random topic I've been researching for my books recently. Also contains pictures of my three very photogenic cats.
- Newsletter subscribers also have access to a novella I wrote that goes between Secondhand Origin Stories and Names in Their Blood, that's about an fictional AI (the only kind I like) trying to decide on a body for themself.
- I also draw and animate, with my first and still in-progress animation project being a "trailer" for Secondhand Origin Stories.
What I'm looking for
- writeblrs - especially writeblrs that aren't JUST writeblrs. I want to feel like I'm meeting people, at least in some manner, rather than just hearing about a product in process. That doesn't have to mean deep confessions or private information, but honestly I'm not likely to remember you for your writing project alone. Sorry. Please show me what else you care about!
- Bonus points for queer or disabled scifi or fantasy writers.
- I am white for most intents and purposes but I always want to find more AOC who write sci fi.
- Also always excited to meet more YA authors- especially the currently kinda sidelined YA scifi.
- People who care about where society is going but aren't posting that everything is doomed and pointless. I mean you post whatever you want but I don't need that on my dash. That shit is not helping me help.
I sometimes do ask games? It's fun when I have the time. It'd be fun to have more folks to do them with, provided those folks are patient.
Please interact if this has piqued your interest!
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here's my LOTAK art for the 2024 homestuck fan calendar!! everyone's art came out so amazing :)
#homestuck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#my art#the final calendar looks so cool!!#this was my first time doing a project like this and it was really fun#im so happy i got to be part of this :)#huge thank you to everyone involved!
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I know i like to joke around that haha tsukasa scared of bugs haha funny loser, but please do remember and be mindful of people irl with fears that might seem silly or petty to you, because you never know how it truly makes them feel
#not meant to be a tks angst post necessarily i just relate to his fear a bit so hes a good outlet#its just something i think about sometimes#bc ive had ppl esp family laugh at me for being scared of bugs#and sometimes i laugh too! especially if i made the joke first#but sometimes its frustrating because it really can make you Feel Bad and Scared and Filthy. and they laugh like those feelings dont matter#so this is moreso just me kind of. setting a reminder to be respectful and kind of any kind of fear someone expresses#no matter if you understand it or not or if it feels stupid to you or not#its Their feelings#this doesnt mean im mad at anyone for any jokes and in fact i do like to joke about it too sometimes!! so its not a sign to stop#im just moreso saying. if someone says its not funny at the given moment then its not. period#bc i alsohave moments when it rly isnt funny. and then laughing at it just. yeah. isnt fun#anyway this is just a ramble bc its just been on my mind for a while#and maybe at times i feel annoyed at how tsukasa's fear is played off for jokes in the game more often than not#esp since akito's fear of dogs is not as much. and even got a whole event abt it. yk#like theyre Different but also Not Really#so i wish someone other than toya was more kind about it instead of. throwing bugs at him more. yk. at least sometimes#im mostly saying this in reference to real people though of course. please dont take this too seriously as a tks post 😭 do keep making fun#its not that serious and im probbaly just projecting onto him lmao#anyway ramble over peace off#tw bugs#cw bug#its not super graphic but yk#prsk#tenma tsukasa#akito shinonome#kerizart#project sekai#prsk fa
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Say it like you mean it
#💟#Digital art#Full Art#Art#Edgar#Scriabin#Guess what day it is ♥ That's riiiight! It's my own personal Vargasversary here again! :D#I really got it in under the wire with this one lol but I did it! I did do it! 13 whole digital start-to-finish panels.....woaw......#Definitely the biggest of these anniversary projects thus far hehe <3 But I really wanted to see if I could do it and I did it! I'm happy :D#Inspired by many on this one ahh - the obvious being they ♥ As ever I still hold them so dearly love them so much <3#The second inspiration source is probably also obvious lol but I've been using a newer-to-me technique to sketch to try and speed up drawing#Specifically inspired from watching Zarla's Handplates speeddraw videos! I'm still a little shaky with it haha#I fell back into my old habits more than once :P But now I understand what over-rendering a sketch means lol - knowledge!#And all-told I think this is probably the longest digital comic I've made in uhhhhhh - at least years#I don't wanna say ever because it still is only 13 panels and two of those share a frame haha but like! That's still a lot for me these days#So I'm pleased for being able to make it in short order! It was fun! I had a good time with it! :D And I think it turned out nice!!#And then the last inspiration source this time around was smol hehe ♪ Despite us both being grown I still tuck her in#It's just something neither of us grew out of haha - it's nice! Another point in us being very Sans and Papyrus lol#But I wanted to give it to the Vargases this time because - eee - smol's turning the age I was when I first read Vargas this year#Obviously my family knows about Vargas as I Will Not Shut Up About It lol but I'm still the only one to have read it#Partially because of how intense and scary it can be! As much as I love it I recognize it's not for everyone - as much as I wish it was haha#But smol and I have pretty similar tastes when it comes to media - so I'm finally inviting her to read it with me ♪ Ahh ♫#Getting to share one of my very favourite stories with one of my very favourite people is exciting just to think about!!#And also getting to reread Vargas again hhhhhh I'm feeling Fine and Normal about approaching it again hahahh#Definitely haven't been thinking about and wanting to reread it A Lot Constantly lol#So drawing them again was nice <3 And the new* medium made certain details stand out all the more!#The process of discovery of art as it appears on the screen haha - Scriabin's hand reaching for Edgar only to clench upon his rejection ahh#That last one is also something of a stealth redraw of Scriabin listening to Edgar's heart in mainfic that I made - somehow four years ago??#Nearly five now....more than half of the way back from my having read it the first time ah how'd it get to be so long now...#Every year - every month - every week - every day - every hour - it is Vargas Loving Hours ♥
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Books of 2025: ADRIFT IN CURRENTS CLEAN AND CLEAR by Seanan McGuire.
Ah, yes, my favorite January tradition: heartbreak in tiny series installment form :)
This one is about a turtle-obsessed disabled Russian girl who gets adopted by an American family and fitted for a prosthetic she doesn't ask for, want, or need, and then she splashes through her Door.
I love Russian language and culture things (shout out to accidentally double minoring in college), so I was excited for a Russian protag and a Russian-coded Door world! Excellent enrichment in my enclosure. Neat cultural expansion on the Wayward Children universe (multiverse? cosmos?? insert appropriately scaled setting word here).
I also liked the aquatic nature of Belyyreka--terrifying giant frogs and delightful giant turtles and delightful talking foxes on the riverbanks were all lovely, and the worldbuilding about different weights of water was neat! Very mind-bendy kind of setting, I dig it.
This installment felt very slim (146 pages in my copy), and Our World Heavy--the first 46 pages were in Colorado, and the last 100 were in Belyyreka, but it felt like we did More Frequent and Larger Time Skips in Belyyreka compared to Earth? Kind of speedrun mode, sans Quests, really (this one was a lot more oriented toward Finding/Building Your Family, which was signposted pretty clearly upon our arrival in Belyyreka). Mostly a quieter installment up until the, y'know, Typical Impending Tragedy of Return at the end. (Did I almost put it down at 1AM last night with 30 pages left so everyone could Be Happy? perHAPS,)
Overall: I had a good time! But, ow, my heart (once again and forever).
#books#books of 2025#adrift in currents clean and clear#seanan mcguire#book photos#wayward children#i cannot begin to describe how much editing i had to do to get these colors to look right#given the shitty lighting conditions in which i took the picture lol#anyway i have uh. mixed feelings. about how the russian was handled#(i always have mixed feelings about how russian is handled)#but like. do you transliterate it AND italicize it? do you just drop the cyrillic letters in there? Who Is The Book For lol#i also unfortunately am unsure how i feel about the twin prosthetic instances in this book?#but it's not really my lane so i won't go into it#if anyone who shares her disability has talked about this please let me know because i'm curious though#....okay i do also have a quibble about this kid's name#licherally within the first two words of the book i was like. Uh Oh.#because she's 'Nadya Sokolov'. in a russian orphanage.#seanan. ma'am. where did u put her final 'a'. it's a hugely gendered language she should be Sokolova#(bardugo did this too and it drove me nuts lol)#IF YOU'RE GONNA BE SLAVIC WITH YOUR WORLDBUILDING GO ALL THE WAY#so admittedly i was on High Russian Alert because of this#and i don't love italicizing the ~foreign~ words#especially not if they're transliterated.....#it was particularly the 'be sure' that got me actually. because 1. if the kid is russian and you're basically translating all her other--#--thoughts into english. why is 'be sure' spelled out in transliterated russian. why not either show us the shape of the letters or save--#--the 'oh it's in russian' revelation for AFTER#i just. have a lot of thoughts. about how things are handled in translation/transliteration lol.#(i spent a very long time pondering this for my own writing projects. i would just write it in cyrillic and figure it out when typing)#ANYWAY MANY THOUGHTS MOST OF THEM NICHE. i think i had fun overall though. not my fave installment but i'm still here for the ride
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For something a little different than my usual virtual photography, here's my project for the Horizon Creation Celebration hosted by @horizon-events!
I'm really happy with how it turned out - and I'm excited to see everyone else's creations! More info below the cut ↓
I had this leather bag that I found at a thrift store, but it had somebody else's monogram on the front that I never liked. I always planned to do something about it - and I thought adding the medallion from Rost's armor would be the perfect project. The stitching of the medallion required the most work by far, but I also added a little Nora-inspired feather-and-bluegleam charm to the strap.
I didn't buy any supplies for this - everything was sourced from things I'd already collected (...hoarded?) in hopes of using them in a project someday.* The medallion uses reclaimed leather from an old purse, some blue cord I'd saved from... somewhere, and red cord of similar provenance. A stiff piece of plastic from packaging serves as interior support, and a strong magnet is currently holding it to the bag. I may attach it permanently, but I didn't want to yet in case I decided to use the medallion somewhere else!
All the feathers were found on the ground - there's an obvious jay feather (Steller's jay's in my neck of the woods), a white feather (most likely from a gull) that I colored with alcohol ink, and what I believe is a pelican feather - you can barely see it behind the purple one. The cords holding the feathers were all from my stash as well.
The "bluegleam" is a quartz point colored with glass paint. I'd had an idea for sculpting and casting the bluegleam cluster Aloy wears on her Frozen Wilds armors, but I wasn't able to get a finished product I was happy with. I'm not giving up on it, though - hopefully I can manage it someday!
*Which, honestly, is a miracle. I finally used stuff in a project! See, keeping interesting things is more than just adding to clutter!
#HCC 2023#HCC#horizon creation celebration#surprise! break from virtual photography#horizon art#(not really art more like craft but I already have that tag so...)#it's really too bad the other idea i had for the bluegleam didn't work#i spent so much time sanding lol#if i had a vacuum chamber/pressure pot setup i think i would have succeeded#but i don't#i could also break it into parts and make several molds#but time was running out and the medallion was the real focus of the project so i put it aside#it was my first time doing a fandom event like this!#life has been a bit exhausting lately so there were some challenges#but it was fun and i'm glad i did it!
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idkkkkkkk sometimes i feel like the me that exists in happy communities like discord servers and flight rising and lives in my it/its and my byte/bit and my ^w^s and my astro boy posting and the me that goes to work and lies on my bed rotting and wants to go back on the stage so badly but cant because of covid and gets called by my given name and wears a posh coat and skirt are different people who are at war with each other.
#i KNOWWWWW i know this is like spiraling or moral ocd or whatever the fuck but i really do feel like a faker in every aspect of my life#even in private i am lying to myself and/or my true self feels like a lie#im playing up my autism im playing up my executive issues im playing up my arospec and my genderqueer and my kindness and my wisdom and hop#or else im toning them down#i could shapeshift and no form would be my true one there wouldnt be any unmasking id feel like a fraud in every skin#vent#it feels like everything i do i choose to do on purpose#i decide on purpose how serious/silly i am how autistic/allistic i am how emotional/numb i am how kind/mean i am how struggling/lazy i am#how talented or smart or sympathetic or oblivious or hardworking or anarchist or spiritual i am i decide those in the moment to my benefit#i seamlessly move from one emotional state to a total other im a manipulator i choose not to put effort into the lives of others#or!!!! or thats NOT true and its NOT on purpose!!!!#and i CANT TELL!!!!!!!!!!#I CANT TELL WHICH#I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL WHETHER IM DOING SOMETHING ON PURPOSE OR NOT#can i admit something im scared to here#like 2 months ago or smth i had a voice in my head. for the first time i experienced a real like 'wait thats not me' second person in there#skipping a lot of details but i talked abt it in a space w a lot of plural friends and the conclusion was that i may be plural#but the other voice keeps coming and going#and since that first time it has felt more and more like im just faking. just deliberately imagining a second person in my head#to feel better. which like theres nothing wrong with that imo but its DIFFERENT from being plural#and i dont know. but ive already given them a pk proxy and a tumblr tag (thats what my 🪛 tag is)#and when they do come back i just feel like im deliberately pretending to be a different person. just putting on yet another mask#and having yet more dialects in my head like always#but couching them in plural terms without actually having plural experiences or issues#just. choosing to project who i always have been through an imaginary acting role this time. for fun
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#i finished painting that thangg and also washed my leather/spike collar since thats the last thing that needs a repaint#(and i can finally put my paint bottles away!! [not really but i can clear off a table once i do this])#once the collar dries ill have to repaint both the leather parts and the metal parts since the metal is starting to oxidize#and i dont want a green neck lol#its not oxidizing on the inner part but its still grossing me out that the spikes have a little oxidation on the front#so ill probably paint those gold since i never liked that it was silver in the first place#itll probably look shitty since they wont be as shiny but idc i can scrape it off later if its too bad#the leather is also already painted an the paint is cracked so that need a repaint but idk how to get the old paint off ugh#im p sure its real leather and just coated in paint for it to be shiny but tbh that was a bad design choice#if it looks bad for painting over the wrinkled old paint then ill have to try sanding it off or something#idk its gonna take a few days to dry anyway but im excited for the cosplay possibilities when im not grossed out by wearing that#oh wait i dont have my gold piercings in i have black in rn woops. well. whatever i like gold more anyway#not gonna be fun to paint all those spikes but ill live bc i painted snake scales lol#im trying to stave off anxiety about my health and also a therapy appointment tomorrow#didnt get to spend time outside except going to see the snake bc ive been both feeling sick and trying to finish my...#...half-completed projects and get my room in order so i can feel more organized and have more space to do things#i really really gotta work on uploading things for sale. i know i worked on the shoes but i still gotta do some more and upload the stuff#idk im feeling sick and anxious rn like really badly idk why lol#delete later / /
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i've had this idea in my head for a few years now that some streaming service should just do another complete works of shakespeare show a la the bbc television shakespeare from the 70s-80s and i'm like. that's it that's the pitch really. it's public domain, anyone can do it. it's not like there wouldnt be plenty of creatives jumping at the chance to be part of such a project again. and it'd just be cool to see a 21st century version of it, perhaps with more non-traditional casting and settings, since the bbc was pretty restrictive of that sorta thing. it would certainly get a lot of press and discourse on social media; every episode would be an event. et cetera et cetera.
#text post#like literally the plays of shakespeare are right there any time someone wants to adapt them#and it'd be fun to see the lesser staged ones#i can't stress enough it wouldn't even have to be good. it'd just be interesting to see#i can't picture them doing a lot to make it 'bad' anyway#if they followed the bbc direction and used many different directors then you'd get a mixed bag#which i like about the bbc television shakespeare. but nobody beats my girl jane howell#her episodes are the best. i really do worship her as a director#shakespeare#i also have this vision but for other playwrights like especially christopher marlowe and aphra behn#but that'd be different bc it'd be the first time many of those plays had even been filmed#so it'd be an even more ambitious sort of project. and probably one much less likely to be duplicated
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(QUESTION)
I don't know if this is going to sound demanding but shouldn't you like take a break for a Day or 3 with all this writing your doing
Not gonna lie you probably making some straight fire rn but is it dew time for a break?
0h 100% I need a break- but taking breaks is... hard for me; stubbornness and watching dead lines creep closer and stuff--- would take a break in an instant if we weren't rapidly barreling to October 😭😭
I am trying to lessen the load, though! (Closing requests, putting large non deadlined writing projects on back burners, ect) so I can focus on the heavy stuff so theres... less down the line... cuz I KNOW imma get worse the closer we march to October 😭😭😭
I do plan to take my trip out of state next month as an excuse to take a couple days off though :3 mweheheheheh
As a /lh note I've learned my lesson!! Next year I am NOT going to do 2 October writing challenges at once- idc if I started prepping in January I'm still going through kt!!!! Also a 3 month break after constant writing for 9 months just to do it again does not at all sound appealing LMAO
Maybe I'll set some time aside and do some drawing soon
#the yappening#no but in all seriousness i do appreciate you (and others) caring about my wellbeing#ill be the first (okay well thats a lie/lh) to admit ive been running on fumes trying to juggle everything#writing art baking house work ect#trying to find a better balance... miss drawing but i am going to get to try a new recipe ides today#been going outside for walks again too so i feel less trapped and cooped.. it actually feels nice despite the heat n humidity#its storming all for the rest of the week though :(#i do think its about to get a lot easier soon once i finish freaktober#i dont like bringing it up here for obvious reasons but itd be a lie if i said i didnt know why i was extra stressed#turns out i am very very VERY picky when it comes to writing THAT sort of content- no wonder it felt like pulling teeth the entire time#okay well not the entire time ivd actually been having fun with it (/nonfreaky#if a fic aint fun to write ill be in the trenches </3#BUT we're in the last home stretch of that!!! which not only means ill be dome with that wretched thorn!!!!!#but itll also mean one less massive writing project to deal with!!!!! less work!! woo yesh chat!@#i do want to thank you all again for the support too- even if ive kind of been a crashout lately#something something overworking + horomones + my relationship with food spiraling is really fucking with me#additional good news though! im back on my meds and birth control! hip hip hooray! hopefully I should start getting better in a few weeks!!
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I died on the altar waiting for the proof...
#FINALLY I'M DONE#all the albums complete! .....until ts12 and debutation tv happens I guess lol#also my first time venturing outside of the main cast! which is wild#I just can't stop thinkin about echo when I listen to the album adrian truly was the smallest man who ever lived and he got what he deseverd#I entertained the idea of putting yubel on the cover too that would've been really good and worked really well but I'm just not confident in#my ability to be able to draw them unfortunately ✋😔#but this project has been super fun and I'm excited to be all done and caught up and also excited to have more to do in the future!#I also decided to do the anthology cover to encompass the entirety of ttpd rather than the standard and the anthology#after the midnights gauntlet I was like yeah no only 1 cover per album from now on akskksksksk#yugioh#ygo#yugioh gx#ygo gx#taylor swift#ttpd#ttpd the anthology#yugioh gx characters as taylor swift album covers#abby attempts to draw
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I have drawn Simon again :)
The fourth image is based on the art for a Vocaloid song lol, “Leming-ming” by Kairikibear . And the last two are outfits from some dress up games I was playing around on.
But yeah! Actually posting new art, I drew these yesterday!!! Wahoo! d(^^ )
#castlevania#castlevania games#simon belmont#art post#my art#simon’s quest#Castlevania nes#cv1#akumajou dracula#picrew is fun to play around on sometimes#I used to have like a massive dress up game phase as a kid so heck yeah silly dress up game website yippie!#I wish the ads weren’t absolute insufferable tho 💀💀💀#I was playing on it on a computer rather than my phone and someone saw the ads on the side of the screen oooof that was hard to explain#also ignore the eraser sitting in the top corner lol#it’s covering up some really awkward attempts at a character design#when one project doesn’t work just make the page a Simon page problem solved#this is also not the first time I’ve drawn simon in the pose of a Vocaloid pv artwork btw 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#I should do that again >:)#jokes aside it is a good way to study composition tho#I suck at backgrounds so it helps 👍#how to draw Simon:#1. make him absolutely massive#2. make him cute#3. don’t forget to add the constant air of deep sadness and loneliness in his eyes—#4. no pants#you done it! a him!#anyway time to redraw something sad I drew a couple years ago hehehe—
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My fourth wall OCs! ♥ (Patreon)
I tried to put everything in the tags but ended up being too long-winded lol, so here it is instead!
For this year’s big behind-the-scenes project, I realized I haven’t given colour references to a lot of my 4th Wall characters! There are...a surprising proportion of femboys who are aware of their existence here now that I look at it lol - I mean technically only Cory and Mint count there but that's still 2/8 - a fourth is kind of a lot! Their sizing is pretty funny to me as well, Cory’s proportions make everyone else look tiny by comparison, he’s just got a very large eye! Set right next to Gijat too, Vortians are so compact - he’s fully grown he’s an adult he’s just small!
Okay, for actuals now, starting left-to-right - while they’re obviously organized by height, it's funny because Cure is also the oldest by creation date. She's front of the line on everything! How silly. She's larger than your average plush bear but only by a little - just enough to be like Mildly intimidating if she approached haha. Puntable - and yet unpuntable lol. It's not just her being the oldest of the lot that makes her more powerful (although that is a contributing factor - she’s aware of her status both in and out of character!). It's not just Kids Rules either since she was made such a long time ago - y'know like ''Oh yeah well my character is [very powerful for X reasons]'' - although yes Also That lol. She's a Fourth Wall OC down to her roots, always intended that way - not everyone here can say that!
Tala also has that edge! Though in a very different way haha - she's also the only one here with a physical counterpart, which is fun :D Means she can go on “actual” adventures and bring that knowledge back with her cartoon versions - both are as real as the other! I keep forgotting her bow, agh, I need to take some more pictures of her sometime so my mental picture of her is more up to date haha
I guess my blankslate HF expression kind of counts?? Lol, it’s mostly for funsies, they’re more like a Concept As Person so?? Sure lol, With Accessories of course lol - haven’t been fighting it much lately so that’s all for now ♪ I wonder if they’ll stay so lucky in the near future hmmm
Gijat! ♥ He ended up being an accidental fourth wall character actually haha, he wasn’t designed with that in mind! He's not meant to know such things, but he did fairly well with it while he was part of the main rotation :) He was designed to be a story character but he ended up being my favourite comfort character so he got a few glimpses out <3 He hasn't for a while though! He's been retired for a long while actually - he's the second oldest character in the lineup after Cure but she had more staying power, sorry Gi <3 I did draw his fairy version not all That long ago tho! It’s hard to let go of anyone for Too long haha
Cory ♥ My sweet special boy <3 He's also the third oldest here! He was the first one to assert himself as a fourth wall OC haha ♪ Cure didn't really congeal into an OC for a long time - she stayed a concept and Gijat was on accident - whereas Cory purposefully and clearly looked outward from the start. He Has a story but it's never been all That developed - he has some non-4th Wall character-friends but his main focus is other, unrelated characters. He's always been very interested in other OCs, a lot of which stems from Bar actually haha - he and Bar are near-contemporaries - they're both featured here for a reason haha
Mint >:| He's...fine. He was inspired from a weird source and has therefore always Been weird - and also asserted himself like Cory. Same story - he has canon story elements but for the most part he's interested in others! Usually in a Pursuit kind of way, and not just limited to my OCs >:/ He needs to behave himself is what - he also has like 1000 outfits and they rarely repeat, ugh, pick one! I wasn’t familiar with the eGirl aesthetic at the time I made him, but he 100% fits it, look at him in his elf ears and heterochromatic contacts smh. I don’t actually know his real eye colour, or hair colour! He wears contacts and dyes his hair and won’t tell me, he even started dating a non-4th wall character without asking! He’s a real wild card
Erase is probably the babiest of the list despite Tala being newer and younger - everyone else was made before Erase! They’ve had had less screen time and less development than everyone else too.They're an incredibly light and oddly harmless fourth wall presence lol for all the danger They pose in Their story :0 They're fairly polite all things considered. They actually have a degree of respect for the fourth wall - unlike Some people (Mint) - probably from acknowledging The Player/Character vs. developer. If there's a hierarchy capable of being distinguished then Erase is going to place Themself in the safest spot. Y'know - to cause problems from lol. I do need to play with Them more - They're fun! But fun isn't quite enough to be full-fledged Interesting just yet, more to do, more to do
It's almost unfair to have Erase right next to Bar lol - possibly my most Interesting OC of all time. First created in 2015 quite soon after Cory, even in the same notebook! He retired in 2017, I think? 2018 at the latest - and then was revived in 2020 and has been here again since. And that's just his timeline! Not counting everything that went into him character-wise. Obviously my sonas don't count as 4th wall OCs because y'know - they're me - but Bar falls kind of unclear of the line between OC and sona, he's always been a weird one. He was initially meant to be an RP character and then over time he developed into a 4th wall OC/sona of a Kind. Nowadays he's a fully-fledged 4th wall OC by design - his change in design from his 2020 revival was meant to represent his transformation thereof - but he's always been weird! If I had to pick a character that I’d consider “overdeveloped” or put too much of myself in - even more than some of my sonas - it'd be him. He's one of my favourites because of that but it's hard to quantify how exactly I feel about him haha. I love him! It's painful! He's great! He's awful! He's very important to me and he'll never return to being what he was first created for again. I do quite like his new design <3 Paying homage to the video that sent him crashing back into relevance for me haha
It was fun to draw everyone :D And it's nice that they all have colour references now! Mint has definitely been the longest without one, everyone else has had at least Something - even Erase! And They're way newer! I did make Mint in a couple online dollmakers but that's not quite the same thing haha, he really needs his clothes hand-drawn :P
It's good to have them all :) They're a fun bunch and I like all of them <3 I think it’s kinda funny and a little strange how few crossovers they’ve had with each other though! So far it’s really only been Tala-Bar-Cory - the rest are aware of each other but haven’t really met, how strange, considering what they are!
#My art#Original#Would definitely recommend opening in a new tab on this one lol#This year's Requestober warmup project!#I actually ended up finishing everything well before the end of the season so I had to cast around for a few smaller things to do haha#But if anything I'm quite pleased that something of this size was able to be done so quickly!#It does help that my 4th wall OCs are some of my favourites haha - they get invited out! Or push themselves there >:P#I don't mind with Cory but Mint smh#I don't Really mind with Mint either pft but I do like to give him a hard time - he's a troublemaker!#On top of the high proportion of femboys there's also a lot of troublemakers in here - some of these interactions would be explosive lol#I do think it'd be fun to have them all meet up a bit more! Cure showed interest in Mint not too long ago#And Cory loves everyone haha he's actually very good about all that - he's kind of like a foster parent welcoming new rescues hahaha#He's always been like that <3 It's why he gets a birthday celebration most years good boys deserve good birthdays#I think Gijat would probably be overwhelmed by most everyone haha he really wasn't built to interact with others outside of his own story#And his fairy version probably hates me so there's that lol#He's good with kids tho! He could probably chat with Tala and they'd both be alright :)#Bar as usually snapping up any spare screentime and focus - gotta talk about him! Pft ♪#He's fairly chill thankfully - a little standoffish but that's to be expected really#Now that I think of it I drew Cory holding a tiny Bar when they were first contemporaries - I could do the opposite now!#Bar throws off the scale of everyone else so much haha <3#Goods lads ♥
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