#thoth is a fucking nerd

[thatmoththoth]

Fun fact, there’s a whole bunch of lore in my head about writers and how to the stories they create, they are essentially the gods of that world, and how truly horrifying a reality with a writer in charge would be. I’ve spent way to much time thinking about the functions writers would play story wise

So essentially writers are cosmic beings which lie in the space between worlds. They weave worlds and the threads of fate within to craft what they consider a good story.

Each person in a universe is considered a character by the writers. Writers can control a character’s every action, however, a good writer will map things out, use the character’s notes in order to give them a life of their own.

Writers can take characters from worlds they did not make and put them into one they did, however this simply creates a copy of the character they took, and each writer handles things a bit differently, so the character will subtly change. Authors who do this regularly to create new worlds are Fanfiction Authors.

Writers use all sorts of methods to create worlds, wether it be the pen or the paintbrush, but they all have one thing in common. Stories.

Writers rarely appear human, rather they take the appearance of non-human animals in some capacity, but most notably, they always have an outer shell of sorts, which hides/protects the more eldritch parts of them. This shell comes usefull when they need to interact with the worlds they create, usually through self inserts, as it prevents their creations from going mad. Of course, they could write that out, but that’s such a tedious process.

[tentakilly]

Dr Glass headcannons lol

Warning like half of these are fucking stupid

He’s like genuinely kind and nice but he’s also a deceptive bastard who likes any info he can get his hands on. He wants to know everything and that’s why his security level is undetermined. It’s because the foundation doesn’t want to admit defeat to a man who’s most notable achievement(in there eyes) is being half everyone’s age at the youngest.

He was born and raised in the anomalous world.

He’s like 27 and was born on June 15.

He looks like the Latino ripoff of Thoth’s depiction in Kane Chronicles(he looks like the dorkiest nerd ever).

Speaking of his childhood. His dad was actually an insurgent mole and that why some of the older researchers distrust him.

Another note on his childhood. He doesn’t remember a lot of it, Just bits and pieces. Probably a side effect of some strong amnesitics. He has a very high tolerance to amnestics now tho.

On his field agent days I like to think he was part of the more invetgatey guys but he had armor because they normally put him on the more dangerous shit.

He’s a glass cannon with a very up close fighting style.

I don’t think he deserves a relationship ship yet. Like I just don’t think he’s ready to be loved like that again. He’s more than willing to love but he isn’t ready to be loved back just in general.

His crush on Agent Diogenes is a weird combo of genuine love and a need to fill a hole in his heart with anyone that will treat him like a human being and not like he’s above them/an angel.

The only reason he’s still alive is because he simply isn’t done yet. He’s persistent and determined and will claw at life until he can’t anymore. It’s not spite it’s just simply a sheer desire to keep living and death is only for those who are done. He’s not afraid he’s just not done yet.

He’s the kind of guy who listens to everything and fucking means it. He has one playlist that’s just tonal whiplash the playlist.

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: The Magician

W. Somerset Maugham: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the magician Maugham: so there's this evil magician Aleister Crowley: hell yeah Maugham: and he totally blew the big game against McKinley High Crowley: hey Crowley: hey wait a minute

Maugham: anyway this magician in my story? he really sucks Crowley: what are you trying to pull here, man? you making fun of me? Crowley: I'm the great beast! THE GREAT BEAST!!! Crowley: DO WHAT THOU WILT!! Crowley: I'LL STICK YOU IN A LOCKER, NERDLINGER! Maugham: come at me bro

Maugham: c'mon bro Maugham: do it Crowley: Crowley: naw i uh Crowley: i wouldn't want to bruise my punching arm Crowley: right before the big game Crowley: coach says i gotta stay prime

Maugham: also this magician kicks a dog Koontz: what?! no! Koontz: you didn't really kick a dog did you aleister? Crowley: alright that is IT Crowley: this nerd is going DOWN!!

Crowley: whatever, this story sucks anyway Crowley: it's totally just plagiarized Crowley: totally plagiarized from Crowley: Crowley: something, probably Crowley: Crowley: i'm gonna post that call-out

Maugham: yeah this magician just totally choked in the final play, couldn't even score a touch down Crowley: hey wait a second! Crowley: is this story making fun of me?! Barker: oh why would anyone make fun of you, aleister? Barker: you in your big pyramid hat

Crowley: what's wrong with my pyramid hat?! Barker: oh no nothing it's great, you definitely look super cool Crowley: my hat is COOL Crowley: this nerd is TOAST! Leah Hirsig: no babe don't do it he's not worth it Crowley: sorry babe i gotta pound this nerd Crowley: NOBODY MESSES WITH THE GREAT BEAST!

Barker: oo we're all real scared Poe: clive don't provoke him Barker: yeah i'm so scared Barker: so scared of aleister and his big pyramid hat Crowley: [angrily] this is the hat of a man who pulls massive amounts of pussy!!!

Crowley: I get laid ALL the time! Barker: sure pal Crowley: like, SO MANY scarlet women Barker: right Crowley: CHICKS DIG THE PYRAMID HAT! Barker: sure they do Crowley: I Crowley: SHUT UP Crowley: I'LL PUT YOU IN A LOCKER!

Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST! Crowley: girls can't get enough of the pyramid hat! Barker: oh yeah? name two Crowley: well there's leah here Barker: uh huh Crowley: and Crowley: Barker: and? Crowley: SHUT UP i'm thinking

Crowley: there's Victor Neuburg Barker: Barker: victor neuburg huh? Crowley: no i mean Barker: didn't know you had it in you Crowley: it's not like that Barker: sure Crowley: i only fucked him to manifest thoth in a thelemite ritual Crowley: it's not like i like him or anything

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Do you have a favorite and least favorite deck that you own? Or multiple in each category. Or any decks you disliked enough you regifted them?

Ohhh boy, do I ever. Firstly, I would like it to be known that I do, in fact, have spreadsheets for this. I have so many spreadsheets overall tbh. Therefore, I have spreadsheets for this! Regifted decks do not count towards my total of 60 decks, but the shame corner decks do.

Regifted Decks

Cosmic Tarot - I didn't really vibe with it, so I gave it to my mother.

Crystals: The Stones Deck - Not actually a tarot or oracle deck, but I gave it to my grandmother.

Dark Goddess Oracle Cards - There was just. So much wrong with the "lore" in this deck. The artwork also reminded me of those low-quality game ads you get on...adult content sites. I gave this one to my mother too.

Disney Villains Tarot Deck - I just didn't vibe with it, despite the pretty artwork. It really felt like they just made it a tarot deck because tarot decks are more popular than oracle decks. I gave it to a friend.

Kawaii Tarot - It was simple and clean...and I genuinely couldn't fucking read the deck. I gave this one to my mother as well.

Tarot of Sexual Magic - Most of this deck was cishet white folks and the only black man who appeared was about to get murdered on the Tower card because he was sleeping with a white woman and her boyfriend was swinging an axe to stop it. Did not enjoy. My mother actually took this one as well.

Shame Corner

Aleister Crowley's Thoth Tarot - I got this one on purpose and I think I gave it anxiety. I actually used its cards for bookmarks for a while but almost lost a good half of the deck.

Gems Oracles Cards - I knew that there was appropriation in this deck because I actually bought it off of a friend who was complaining about it, but it's part of something akin to a personal art project.

Decks I Actually Like - Tarot

The Antique Anatomy Tarot (Claire Goodchild) - This has the same overall vibe as those old-timey doctor's illustrations and it makes me feral in a good way. I want to eat this deck.

The Crow Tarot (MJ Cullinane) and the Guardian of the Night Tarot (MJ Cullinane) - Beautiful photoshopped collage-style decks. I even named my Crow Tarot "Uldren" (shoutout to the Destiny players and lore nerds who catch that reference).

The Dragon Tarot (Nigel Suckling, Roger Garland, Linda Garland) - My first ever tarot deck, lovingly named Abbot. This deck taught me a lot of hard lessons real quick about divination. Could use more dragons, but I love it. I've used it so much that it's falling apart.

Gay Tarot (Lee Bursten, Antonella Platano) - One of the first queer decks I bought, and it makes me happy because I'm masc-leaning when I must present as a gender.

In-Between Tarot (Janine Worthington, Franco Rivolli) - A really cool deck that explores the spaces between the cards rather than focusing solely on their classic depictions and interpretations. Cernunnos called dibs on this one.

Manga Tarot (Riccardo Minetti, Anna Dorzhieva) - A very fun little deck that genderbent every card and focuses on overall color to help carry the meanings. It is not, as far as I can tell, based on any particular existing manga.

Star Spinner Tarot (Trungles/Trung Le Nguyen) - This deck comes with four different Lovers cards, so I just keep them all in the deck. The author apparently has a graphic novel called The Magic Fish that I intend to read one of these days. I actually came across the novel through a YouTube video and didn't catch the author/artist's name at first, but I saw the artwork and immediately clocked it as Trungles.

Tarot of the Divine (Yoshi Yoshitani) - Alongside its companion book Beneath the Moon, this is an adorable little tarot deck whose art style makes me squee.

Tiny Universal Waite Tarot aka Tiny Tarot (no listed artist/author) - This is not a deck I use for divination, it's just so smol and cute that I wanted it.

Decks I Actually Like - Oracle

The Arcana of Astrology (Claire Goodchild) - Another Claire Goodchild deck, and I want to eat this one too. This deck doesn't just stop at zodiac signs and planets, there are also cards for the houses and the "comets", too.

The Seed & Sickle Oracle Deck (Fez Inkwright) - THIS DECK'S CARDS MAKE A GRADIENT. This is one of the most beautifully illustrated decks that I have ever seen in my life. It comes with two guidebooks - one for internal meanings, one for external meanings.

Spirit Allies (Jill Pyle, Cidney Bachert, Jay Kay) - I don't care much for the "goddess" portion of this deck, but Cannabis is a card in here and that made me cackle. Worth an honorary mention.

Woodland Wardens (Jessica Roux) - Another beautiful deck, this one features animals paired with plants. The composition of these are absolutely top-tier and I love them very much.

Thanks for sending this ask! I love to talk about decks I own and ramble about them and brag about my spreadsheets!

~Jasper

[argyleheir]

Drabble - Suit

[For Spooktober '24 Day 4 | Prompt: Tarot Cards | Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives | Pairing: Edwin/Monty]

"...and sure, the Rider-Waite is the most widely used of all Tarot decks, and yeah it features some really classic depictions of the Major Arcana, you'd probably recognize them in a heartbeat—but c'mon—it's fucking bor-ing! Give me the Modern Witch set any day. Give me the Aleister Crowley Thoth. Or the Gay Marseille! Hell, give me Hello Kitty!"

The last comes out as a squawk – old habits – and Monty stops himself, suddenly self-aware. "Uh. Sorry. I'm nerding out again."

Edwin smiles, all warmth, and Monty's amazed he must mean it. "I assure you," he says, "I don't mind."

[sadmanyeyes]

Chapter 106:

Three-Eyed-Pai is back and she is sassy, already snarking at the Egyptian Book Of The Dead. She goes on the teenager's spiel of humans creating gods to escape the fear of death. I mean, taking your heart out and putting it on a scale...if you take your heart out, you'll die. Stupid.

Yakumo is freaked out though because that indicates they aren't in Konron after all. But Three-Eye-Pai tells him to shut up because the sand monsters are here. He asks her to read the hieroglyphics to him because they probably have the password for the Gatekeeper in them. She tells him about Anubis and his pet thingie that eats the hearts, Ammut. Then the book nerd, Thoth and owl-head boy, Horus. It's only then that she points out that though the Gatekeepers look like gods, they were created by a crazed Wu so Yakumo shouldn't get confused. And because they and the Konron Key were created by the Wu, the only way to get out is to destroy the place. Yakumo yells for her not to, to keep her from killing Gupta, but Three-Eyed-Pai collapses to her knees before she can do anything. The sand has invaded her body!

But she gets the password! Somehow! And she blasts away...only for Yakumo to step in the way to stop her. She calls him an idiot and boom, explosion.

She holds back to keep from oblierating Yakumo, which he thanks her for, but he still has the Gatekeeper to deal with. Anubis is about to descend on him and Pai wakes up to apologize to him because she can't live with him when they turn human...because the sand is turning her to stone. They're fucked because only a Wu can calm down a Gatekeeper...and Yakumo is a fucking Wu! He rips his own heart out and holds it up for Anubis to judge.

Outside, the driver with Steve notices the desert golem is disappearing. Inside, the chapter ends with Anubis bowing before Yakumo.

[spinyax]

which one of you motherfuckers is writing fics in hieroglyphs

[gallusrostromegalus]

Fic word finder game: asshole, fuck, or dying?

"Unlike THIS Amulet, which is haunted by a body-snatching ASSHOLE that cheats at tabletop RPGs.”  Tristan explained, pointing between the Puzzle and the Ring.

There's an unusually high concentration of haunted amulets in the area.

A MIRACLE YOU HAVE RECEIVED, MY MOST DEVOTED MAGE! Thoth bellowed, abruptly shifting back to his most magnificent form with the rippling muscled human body and glittering Wings and exactly enough linen in the relevant places to keep the scene from being rated NC-17. I AM THOTH! DIVINE LORD AND MASTER OF WRITING, RECORDS, SCIENCE, MAGIC, ART AND EVEN THE FUCKING MOON!!

Nerd Supreme has arrived.

“Oh, Dear Ghost.” He laughed. “Dying is easy- Comedy is hard!”

:)

[justshitandanime]

Kamigami no Asobi/ Ludere Deorum (Anime) Critic, opinion, whatever (no major spoiler)

So, I just end to watch this short anime (12 episodes) and I’m like MEH. I don’t care about the game, truly, I give 3 fucks. Is only about the anime.  

The basic plot is “A bunch of gods from different religions have to take classes in a school with a human for a REASON”. And at first, when you see which gods are (Japanese, Greeks, Nordic and Egyptian) you can think: Ok, this will be great! Like, knowing that Greeks, Nordic and Egyptians in some point fight historically between them, the god’s relationships must give a lot of drama and conflict, right???

WELL NO, ZERO. The story now is “Everyone love the human, plot less deep than a paper” ISTG.

Let’s start with the only woman in the series, a girl that’s so annoying that make me want to rip off her hair. Zero personality, she only adds something because the rest of the gods are pretty much teenagers with the mindset of a 10 years old child who seems to never see humans in their lives for more than 5 minutes (which in some point it contradicts it because one of the gods almost marry a human??). Typical lady who can’t stop to cry for legit anything but, somehow save the world and somehow know how help everyone…

The gods are just plain stupid, which, coming from beings hundreds of hundred years old, HOW THE FUCK? The only ones are the two who are like on top the school, Zeus and Thoth (this last one was my main reason to see this anime), who act a little more as millennial old god. One of them literally have the attitude and personality of a toddler…

The only big GOOD APPLAUSE to this anime was make the Egyptian gods (Anubis and Thoth) NOT WHITE and neither with “people of color offensive stereotypes”. Are the same, act the same, as SHOULD, but brown skin color.

But the rest is a little meh. Both are the only different ones, the Japanese gods look just as the Nordic and Greek. Their “god form” is a mix of Sailor Moon style with some vague representation of their characteristics.

Their personality are based on one quote of wikipedia, ignoring the 99% of their original lore, their relationships are also very basic. Half of the screen time are just simping over the girl, trying to see who will keep her as if she was just a prize and not a being with own brain (hello misogyny my old friend) and she is pretty much a toy with no self-love or even the ovaries to speak (she shutters and say “but” all the time).

They also end shirtless or semi naked way too often to be barely 12 episodes long and make me think, whoever made it, was thinking in “I will make a bunch of hot dudes, showing tasty meat, to make the girls see this anime”.

Another issue with the design is that they look pretty similar. Except the change of the hair color and style, they are the damn same, to the point of be hard to identify them at first, even the girl has THAT FACE. Again, only is easy for the Egyptians gods and Zeus. They are all so absurdly THIN like, damn, they have muscles but, you know, to have these muscles, do you have bones below or something? They are eels…

Their conflicts seem so damn deep in some point that make you think “ok, now the drama start!” but no, all is fixed in one chapter as if they put the issue under a rug.

The names are a big “wtf”. The character Melissa is showed as if is going to be important but I still try to figure out why the fuck they made him/her.

Being an old shitty person a side, I can say, even so, they somehow manage to be charming enough to make you get a little sad when the bad shit happens. After all, they are just a bunch of bimbos: no brain, pretty, nice guys.

There are a few plots twist that can make you say “cool”.

Background and scenery are great, night skies were my favorite.

Score: 2.5/5 and 5/10. Is fine if you are bored one day and want to binge a fast show without need to think, but don’t expect too much. And kinda avoid it if you are fan of any of these gods (much less a nerd of their mythology) or you will end spitting foam and cursing in old latin.

[dandunn]

Do you like American Gods (the book)? It's one of my faves so I'm curious to hear your opinion on it :)

Sorry had to delay answering this because I had about 50 pages left and I had to run and finish it haha.

I really liked it! Sometimes the pacing was a bit... leisurely, but that's not always a bad thing. It really feels like one huge road trip where enjoying the journey is the whole point.

I pretty much immediately liked and related to Shadow and he's probably the reason why I decided to splash and buy the book. Protagonists who are huge and strong and maybe have a bad rep, but are also more kind and more intelligent than they let on are TOTALLY the best kind and want to kiss him.

I think my favourite gods were definitely the Egyptian pantheon, Mr Ibis/Thoth, Jacquel/Anubis, Horus and Bast. I was an Egyptology kid so I fucking love those guys. The part where *mild spoiler* Shadow gets a bit dead and sees their true forms was one of my favourite bits.

I also really enjoyed the side story involving the car on the ice where it became a murder mystery because Holy shit. That payoff was great (I figured it was obvious who did it but the reveal still made me 🤯)

The whole main plot reveal was also great, I love how the story kind of switched gears like that. And Laura's whole payoff was also amazing. Rest in peace girl.

Ummm yeah I'm also kind of an nerd for gaudy, awful, tacky Americana so I loved seeing real places like House on the Rock and Rock City come into it. Like wow! that place sounds awful and I thought it was a great place for the gods to square off.

I could probably ramble a bit more but maybe I'll do that if/when I watch the show. BUT I also like how there's chapters that go into the dark side of American history because there's a LOT of it and I found some chapters challenging to read, like the stuff about slavery and the many awful things done in the name of colonisation. But you know. It Happened and its good that Gaiman doesn't shy away from it at all.

I dunno I just thought that was admirable, and me not being American I just... flat out didn't learn about this stuff in school, especially the native American side of things (side note: I also rly like Whiskey Jack as a character he's fun)

I'm sure people smarter than me have spoken in more detail about this series and I'm VERY late to the party but yeah 😂 Shadow call me pls 😍📞

[forthegothicheroine]

Kamigami no Asobi, Episode 6: Blue Moon, You Saw Me Standing Alone

Now that I’m making my own dating game, I’m nostalgic for others.  So!  Let’s go back to recapping an anime based on one, Kamigami no Asobi (”Mischief of the Gods” or “The Gods at Play”) in which Zeus and Thoth kidnap a young shrine maiden and force her and a bunch of classical deities to go to high school together so the gods can learn to empathise with humans and thus avert Ragnarok.  Somehow.

As a reminder, here are the things we’re counting each episode:

Ragnarok Clock: How much closer has this episode gotten us to Ragnarok, as represented by the Watchmen doomsday clock with a snake hand?

Where is Odin?  It feels like Odin should be here, but he isn’t.  Where’s he buggered off to?

Team __: Who do I think is the hottest potential boyfriend in this episode.

Does Thoth push Yui up against a wall?  He does this a lot.

Now let’s recap some anime!

This is a Tsukito episode, and I knew nothing about the guy and wikipedia wasn’t being much help either.  Turns out he’s more commonly known as Tsukuyomi-no-Mikoto, god of the moon, who murdered the goddess of food, and now the goddess of the sun won’t give him the time of day (hahaha.)  Geeze.  That’s a lot to pile onto a twinky lilac-haired nerd boy.  But such are the teenage gods!  Will we get a retcon explaining why the death of Uke Mochi totally wasn’t his fault?  Let’s find out!

We open with Yui being bothered by the Blonde Bishie Bunch (Apollo and Baldur) who want her to join them for a moon-watching party.  Isn’t Apollo the god of the sun?  Isn’t this a conflict of interest?  Whatever.  But suddenly, there’s a commotion!  It turns out Tsukito has been put in charge of disciplining students who violate the rules, which I assume means killing them.  What?  It’s a fair assumption to make!

Tsukito confiscates a bag of daifuku from Hades, which I totally thought was a bag of condoms at first and had to do a serious double-take.  He also confiscates a bunch of puzzles and practical joke props from Loki, which, come on!  That’s Loki’s whole thing!  You can’t take that away from him!  He gets creepy about trying to measure the amount of thigh Yui’s shoing ith her short skirt, and then...

He faints!  Oh no!  I feel backstory being set up!

Anyway, turns out he fainted because he hasn’t been sleeping, so busy doing his job as disciplinary prefect, and no wonder.  Thoth turns up to call him a lazy imbecile and say that he’s unlikely to graduate.  Geeze.  Murder one goddess and they never cut you a break.

Most of the characters are concerned for Tsukito’s well-being, but Loki tells him that he just needs to get laid.  Saying this, he forces a pair of rings onto Tsukito and Yui’s fingers, which glues their hands together and electrifies anyone else who tries to touch them.  Loki says this effect will last until they understand each other “from the heart.”  Thanks, Loki, now Yui’s going to have to kill a goddess to understand Tsukito...

But I kid.  Loki really just wants them to fuck in front of him.  Tsukito gamely tries to kiss Yui, but the jealous Blonde Bishie Bunch tackle them and get everyone electrocuted.

They try to go about their day, but get into anime shenanigans where they keep falling over each other.  Angry because he’s the only one allowed to get into compromising positions with Yui, Thoth pushes them both up against a wall and demands explanations.  Apparently Loki has lent Tukito a copy of Japanese Cosmopolitan and he’s trying to enact things that turn people into lovers.  Ah, Loki, the gift that keeps on giving.

The two of them try to prepare for the Moon Watching Festival, but Tsukito apparently sucks at everything (though doing all that stuff while tied by the hand and trying to make a girl fall in love with you can’t help.)  The other gods are comically spying on them and denying being jealous.  Takeru’s pet rabbit starts to run away, and Loki laughs at the prospect of it getting electrocuted and eaten.  What an asshole.

Our kids get closer as the complete preparations, and Tsukito explains that he believes he’s worthless if he isn’t fulfilling his job/the missions assigned to him.  Yui tries to explain the concepts of fun and self-worth to him, but he’s not getting it.  

Finally the party is here!  The sky is lovely, everyone is wearing kimonos, and Loki tricks Dionysus into eating wasabi.  Tsukito is finally able to admit he enjoys watching the moon with Yui and tada!  Curse lifted!  Apollo freaks out because he assumes they must have fucked, and on that hilarious note, the episode ends.

Next time: the gods attend a very sacrilegious ceremony, and we start to find out what the hell is up between Balder and Loki!

Ragnarok Clock:

Loki was a dick, but the ragnarok plot didn’t really advance.

Where is Odin?  During this episode, Odin is finding the last remaining Volsungs and ruining their lives.

Team___: Team Loki.  His pranks were kind of funny for once.

Does Thoth push Yui up against a wall?  He does!

[thatmoththoth]

Went a bit overboard today.

[raijinhasverybigpecs]

you ever just think about how much of a fucking nerd thoth is? like you can try to hide that you’re a fucking NERD with pretty effects and moonwalking but you're still a NERD who uses a BOOK to attack people. bitch

[theconsortsbodyguard]

nicknames: Gladdy, Gladio, big brother, hey asshole... sign: Aries, Rooster, Thoth height:  198cm (6′6″) sexuality: Bisexual (Really I’ll play him as anything, but defaultly I feel the boy is Bi.) hogwarts house:  Gryffindor favorite animal: Raven average hours of sleep: 6 number of blankets i sleep with: A max of 2... and that’s only if it’s super cold outside the tent. dream trip: Heading to Altissia with a special someone or more. dream job:  Honestly? The one I have.

when mun made this account: 7 months ago...ish? (That’s what his first post says anyway.) why mun made this account: Because I love this fucking bitchy marshmallow, okay? followers: 48

tagged by: I stole it from @scientiaetignis tagging: Whoever wants. (I did it in character because I’m a nerd. I’ve one for myself up on my main blog.)

[melleonis]

new maritime d&d game, first session play report: in an attempt to get an ancient drow artifact that allows the DM to handwave minimum crew requirements for sailing vessels so that the players can actually go where they want in the setting, the party explores a sea cave in an atoll where an old drow shipwreck is rumored to be located.

the party consists of a genasi bartending ranger, a storm-infused halfling sorcerer and his blue dragonborn STR-rogue boyfriend, and a human monk & tiefling wizard from the sino-egyptian nerd society (they’re the ones with the drow artifact key and the lead on the shipwreck). you may notice that none of these classes, at first level, have access to healing magic. also, none of them are front-line fighters. the ranger has a d10 hit die, but her only melee weapons are an ice pick and a corkscrew, so like.

“it’s not a game about optimization,” i tell people when they’re creating their d&d characters. what i haven’t been saying that i probably should have been saying is that first-level characters are squishy as hell, and if you don’t have anyone with healing magic, someone’s gonna fucking die. i threw the party a healing potion as a concession to their weak hit dice and no clerics, but...

first encounter: a rocky pool with a rickety wooden structure in the middle, from which is hanging a beat-up shield and a fish-covered mallet. party inspects the poorly-spelled writing on the shield, gets ambushed by a giant enemy crab. crab’s carapace shrugs off most of the party’s attacks, crab crits the wizard into unconsciousness and back-hands the ranger for 75% of her health. sorcerer casts sleep, manages to roll the exact number of hit points necessary. crab slumps over, starts blowing bubbles. they use their healing potion to revive the wizard, gather round the unconscious crab, and whale on it with a full round of attacks, again damaging it for exactly the number of hit points it had left. ranger takes the shield, because lord knows some of them should have AC. sorcerer takes the fish-covered mallet. onward they go.

second encounter: seven kuo-toa (ugly, insane fishmen) huddled round a campfire. the sorcerer rolls a 2 on his stealth check, catches one of them with his sleep spell before three of them net him & club him into unconsciousness. mayhem ensues. one of the kuo-toa takes off past the party, one of them starts dragging the sorcerer off, and the rest slug it out, with the party, who are winning until the kuo-toa who swam past them comes back in a grief-stricken damage-resistant berserker rage, swinging the severed claw of the giant crab they killed earlier. ranger gets hit by the crab claw for the second time that day and is just flattened. wizard finally hits the berserker enough times with his stick that he dies, stabilizes the ranger with a little help from Thoth, god of medicine. the rest of the kuo-toa go down. rogue takes off after the one who kidnapped the sorcerer, who drops the net and runs when he sees a burly dragonborn charging down the corridor at him. monk gets his dagger stuck to one of the kuo-toa’s sticky shields and just leaves it there, grabs one of the fishmen spears and ganks the one still sleeping by the fire.

everyone takes a short rest and is back to mostly-full HP, except the ranger, who rolled shit on their hit die. they keep exploring the cave and find the wrecked drow submarine, broken in half, shoot a grappling arrow into a hole in the upper deck, climb in and start looking around. they find loot and some pretty good potions - although, in retrospect, some of them should have been healing potions.

also in retrospect, the laser turret might have been slightly unfair.

by which i specifically mean: save-for-half-damage traps are fucking brutal when any amount of damage is a substantial percentage of your total HP. everyone is in its area of effect, and the two attacks the party gets off on it before it starts shooting fail to even scratch its high AC. so everyone takes five damage from incidental laser burn, except the ranger, who blows her DEX save even with advantage, takes a laser straight to the chest, and is knocked unconscious. the dragonborn manages to fry the turret with his lightning breath, but the wizard and the rogue are at all of 4 HP, and the monk and sorcerer are each sitting at 1. then the floor gives way beneath them (and the wizard was very glad he’d prepared feather fall) and they all enter the final boss fight in pretty fucking bad shape.

final boss fight is a kuo-toa cleric and the one regular kuo-toa who got away earlier. and at this point i’m looking at the 65 HP the enemy cleric has and comparing it to the 10 total HP (and one remaining first-level spell slot) the party has and thinking, hm. maybe i’ve miscalculated here. but, okay. the cleric doesn’t know how beat up y’all are. he’s gonna spend the first couple rounds casting buffs & debuffs, so you just have to handle the one mook and then you can start chipping away at the cleric. you’ve got that one remaining magic missile in the tank, you’ve got those potions, the action economy is in your favor. this is doable.

then in the first round the mook crits against the monk, killing him outright with a spear straight through the heart. the rogue takes the mook down but it’s kind of all bad news from there. wizard gets sacred flamed into unconsciousness. rogue tries to cross the water to engage the cleric in melee, flubs his athletics check, gets sacred flamed into unconsciousness and falls in the water. so the sorcerer, huddled behind a bit of twisted wreckage, at 1 HP, dodging sacred flames & trying to firebolt the cleric to little effect, starts trying to figure out how to resolve this without everyone dying, which is a problem i’ve also been working on for several minutes at this point. eventually he pulls out the fish-covered mallet from the first room, and starts waving it around while trying to parley.

it’s a desperation move, of course, but kuo-toa are insane, and this seems like something with maybe some deep semiotic shadows in the crazed mind of a fishman, so i have him make a straight charisma check. he rolls a 16. the enemy cleric - still with forty-something hit points - backs away slowly, turns, and flees into the dark waters. sorcerer fishes his rogue boyfriend out of the water and stabilizes him. wizard fails his third death save and dies. but they won, technically. the drow artifact they came for - basically just an AI that can cast a bunch of copies of Unseen Servant simultaneously - carries the four unconscious or dead bodies of the sorcerer’s compatriots out of the cave.

the wizard and the monk players roll up new characters. one of them is a fighter in full chain. one of them is a druid who specializes in healing magic. the nice thing about deeply suboptimal party builds is that they tend to be a self-correcting problem.

[pearlescentbirdmom]

I don’t know how it happened or why, but like the “friendliest” deities tend to scare me a bit and the “scariest” ones are the ones I feel comfortable approaching??? Like for instance, Thor. All I hear about Thor from followers is how supportive, fatherly, companionable, humorous and dedicated He is. Like a big Papa Bear. But I don’t interact with Thor because when I lay down my feelers I’m intimidated as fuck. Thor is like an 8.0 on my Oh Shit!-o-Meter even when He’s chill and happy and I’m chill and happy. On the other hand, Loki and Odin, who are “scary” and avoided by some for 100% legitimate concerns, I’m A-Okay with.

Loki is my numero uno, ok? When I first thought to myself a year and half ago, “polytheism feels right, who should I talk to” Loki was the only deity on my mind from absolutely out of left field. And because I wanted to “do things right” out of weird southern states social etiquette I sort of cozied up to Odin and (timidly) Thor before approaching Loki, because making good impressions with friends/family is important when establishing a relationship. And I won’t lie, Odin is shady as fuck, but for some odd reason in the back of my head I’m more comfortable waltzing up to Him and sharing drinks than I am with Thor, even though Thor has more warm Papa Bear vibes. Odin registers as the crazy con-man uncle, who I know is frighteningly capable, but is very good at making others comfortable and extremely charming when He wants to be, so I’m ok sitting next to Him at the table. Loki has always registered as intimately close to me, not like a parent, but definitely a safe haven. When He’s near, I sort of just want to fold myself into Him and take a nap. I can breathe when Loki is with me and He settles me in a way not even my parents can anymore. And He’s always registered as “home” even though I know He’s a wickedly lethal being. Thor registers as an enforcer, which given He’s the defender of Asgard and humans, that makes sense, but it’s different than feeling like I’m standing next to a bodyguard. Being in Thor’s presence makes me feel like I have to walk the straight and narrow and mind my manners. Like being around a real old school cowboy dad who won’t stand for bad behavior from his kids or any others. Basically, I can’t relax as easily around the Thor I know. Like I gotta sit up straight and be on the guard for a slap to the head like He’s NCIS Special Agent Gibbs or something.

*throws hands up*  I’m weird!

But I just feel like my basis for what “approachable” is is very different from the norm. And on the surface it is odd, because looking at me you wouldn’t think “that person totally follows bamf chaotic deities.” My best friends were even surprised the first time I told them the god closest to my heart was Loki, because I am not adventurous by any means and I hate confrontation. They were expecting a hearth/home deity I think, like Hestia, or someone bookish like Thoth because I’m a nerd. I’m quiet and introverted, I hate loud intense situations like concerts and parties, but I love small intimate gatherings. I like cooking and feeding people and taking care of them. I’m a sucker for cutesy pastels and plushy toys and purring cats. I’m slow to warm to people, but fiercely loyal once I’m connected and protective af. (Birdmom is not my calling for nothing. I will cut a bitch for hurting my precious people.) I mean, I’m kind of the poster child for Hufflepuff, basically. So when I showed up with my cart hitched to Loki’s everyone in my circle was a bit thrown.

I’m the “looks a cinnamon roll/could actually kill you” human who likes the “looks like they could kill you/would actually kill you” deities lol.

 (As an added bonus I’ll tell you about how Hermes and Dionysus register.) Hermes has always registered as a massive flirt who moves faster than the speed of light, but in a literal sense, like a  sugar-high hummingbird. He’s a party boy, but under all that personality there’s the feeling of being extremely on point and busy as hell. Bumble bees always come to mind when I think of Hermes because they work work work until exhaustion, which seems to be what Hermes does. I don’t think I’ll ever not want to be around Hermes either. He’s my first love. The #Light of My Life.

Dionysus, or as I call ‘em Big D, registers as a big hunk of love. Like, made of honey, warm and sweet, gives the Best Hugs Ever, actual cinnamon roll, hunk of love. Big D is amazing to be around. I just like to bask in the glow that radiates off of ‘em. It’s like Dionysus is the embodiment of sunshine on a sandy beach with a choice drink in hand. Gods, I love Big D’s vibes.

In a way, Hermes and Dionysus are also slighty scary gods which I’m fine being around, because Hermes has a prankster streak a mile long and Big D can get hella scary when in a frenzy.