#tiddytaco

[moveslikekeithrichards]

His Desk

[ID: an ikea alien sitting behind a laying black cat as though sitting at a desk, with a notepad and pencil on the cat.]

[yapperyippee]

Coming to the realization that if i want a male partner that genuinely sees me as male, id need a trans man

[moveslikekeithrichards]

the bathroom is the natural habitat of the largest living fly

[moveslikekeithrichards]

when you save alarms for specific things but then you just keep reusing them. like sure wake me up at the chocolate milk alarm, what do i care

[moveslikekeithrichards]

oh mysterious left side pains where would i be without you

[moveslikekeithrichards]

the pipeline from "surely this cant be enough salad dressing ill add a little more" to "jeez"

[moveslikekeithrichards]

have neopets gotten less picky ?? i swear like half my pets used to refuse the first bite of a clay omelette & now they dont

[moveslikekeithrichards]

my Songs To Ruin The Car Ride With playlist is getting so powerful. just remembered tiny tims sensual version of stayin alive

[moveslikekeithrichards]

working with little kids is so dangerous. you get one kid who has a unique way of speaking & then spend the rest of your life with an internal monologue like “me’s go bathroom?”

[moveslikekeithrichards]

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

[moveslikekeithrichards]

regular doctors will be like "idk i think you might be stupid" & then specialists will be like "idk i think your doctor might be stupid"

[moveslikekeithrichards]

u ever have a stress dream so crazy u wake up feelin like scrooge being given a second chance at life

[moveslikekeithrichards]

you know when you get Autism Mad. like something happens in a non-ideal way and in your brain you know it literally doesnt matter but in your other more autistic brain youre like screaming & scrying & shitting the bed etc. i think you should be able to go into settings and opt out of that. i have better things to get upset about than failing to put up a decoration on the optimal day or being too stubborn to solve a problem via simple communication

[moveslikekeithrichards]

all i do anymore is have a cut on my finger

[moveslikekeithrichards]

was playing 20 questions on the 8 hour drive to visit my grandparents & after like 10 minutes of utterly fruitless questioning my brother suddenly asks me with such exasperation & contempt "is it some sort of petrified remains"

[moveslikekeithrichards]

i do kinda think whoever started the trend of requiring customers to ask an employee to let them into the bathroom should be executed Tbh. i dont care how much crack people are doing in your bathroom i shouldnt have to track somebody down and ask for permission to go potty in a public establishment