#time to go stalk the brainy tag properly again

[brainy-storm]

I’ve been mostly offline this whole weekend I had five fencing team matches in one weekend my legs are about to fall off  so I missed saying happy birthday to @aquaanimus on the day but here’s a present for you!

Radiant

“May I have this dance, Kara?”

She doesn’t expect the question and before her mind can fully catch up, she answers with a ‘yes’.

Brainy extends a hand towards her, with a precise bow of his head. When she takes it, she’s not expecting to be guided along smoothly. Kara is not at all an experienced dancer, yet she finds herself leaning into Brainy’s lead. They almost glide across the floor and Kara has to wonder whether Brainy is using his Legion Ring to help them along. A quick glance tells her that this isn’t so. Furthermore, they haven’t accidentally bumped into a single person yet (which she notices since she’s done so before).

“Didn’t expect you to be a good dancer,” she says, before adding, “no offence.”

“None taken. It’s not the extracurricular activity of my choice but I’ve had practice. My sponsor back in the 31st century is an affluent man and I had to accompany him to events similar to this on occasion.” Kara recognises the far-off expression that Brainy has, the one visible only when he is talking about home. “Though, this event is not sincere in its nature.” He lowers his voice. “I don’t believe our target consignee is the charitable type.”

Supergirl is currently on a mission to follow a lead on an apparent ‘Alien Auction house’. Kara Danvers has secured a way into the suspected operator’s fundraising event after interviewing the owner of the lavish mansion that she is in. Lavish in the sense that the owner’s mansion has space for its own ballroom. Also, in the sense that she’s got enough money to obtain security that is offline and thus not hackable, and needs an understanding of puzzles in Interlac to get through to the room where they think that she keeps the heirlooms at. Kara’s Interlac is rusty at best, but that didn’t stop her from trying. All that got her was a tripped alarm and extra security against Supergirl. This event means that she could get Brainy to help her inside with a lower likelihood of raising suspicions and being caught again.

“Especially not if she’s benefitting from selling stolen alien heirlooms.” Kara’s whisper has a sharpness that she did not intend to put into it. She can’t help it – she imagines how she would feel if someone stole any of her last remaining reminders of Krypton.

“Agreed.” If Brainy catches her tone, he doesn’t show it. “She certainly has an eye for those heirlooms, based on the ones we’ve recovered. Though none for architecture, it appears.” His gaze moves to the ceiling “Overly spurious.”

Kara thinks he’s right. There’s a distinct feeling that this is all fake. There’s no sense of history in this room like the owner wanted a ballroom but did not care about making it feel the least bit authentic. Some of the people here, too, are off. She believes they must be here for the auction.

“This whole place gives me a bad feeling.”

“Mm.”

It’s only now that Kara realises that Brainy hasn’t looked at her for a while now. She thought maybe he was looking for the purpose of not bumping into anyone, but he was still staring upwards. “Brainy, is there something up there?”

“Nothing in particular.”

“You sure?”

He glances at her momentarily, before his head whips back up. Okay, this is definitely on purpose.

“Come on, what’s up?” She tries to catch his eye again.

“I already said, there’s nothing above us in particular.”

She rolls her eyes. “I know you know what I meant when I asked that.”

He sighs. “I – yes, yes, I concede. Sorry, I was trying not to look at you so much.”

“Huh, why not?”

“You’re – how should I put this – I am slightly overwhelmed by your formal appearance tonight.”

Overwhelmed? She looks down at her dress. She doesn’t think it’s anything out of the world – just a muted-yellow floor-length dress. It’s a relatively cheap one too since she got it last minute for tonight. “I don’t think I overkilled it with the dress, everyone else is dressed up.” She let’s go of his hand to poke him in the chest. “You’re dressed up.”

“It’s not the dress itself,” he says quickly. “It’s more to do with you in the dress.”

Kara lowers her hand slightly. “Wait…’me’ in the dress?” Brainy is certainly not looking at her now. “As in…?” She thinks she knows what he means, but she also doesn’t want to look stupid if she’s completely wrong and –

“Yes, you look radiant,” he says, with a pronounced cough at the end. “It’s rude to stare, isn’t it? So I’m trying not to.”

“Ohhhhh,” is the absolutely brilliant response she comes up with.

Her guess is not completely off but she is expecting maybe a casual ‘you look nice’ or ‘good’ - ‘radiant’ – she ducks her head, feeling her cheeks begin to warm. When Brainy is truthful, he is very truthful, it seems.

“No, it’s fine, you can stare – no, wait – I mean, we’re having a conversation so you can look at me.” She just about manages to get that out.

The moment he gets permission, his head turns back towards her.

She almost says ‘not now’ because his smile makes it too obvious how he feels about being able to look at her again and her face gets even warmer. That, and she’s sure if she said it out loud, he would oblige and look back up at the ‘nothing in particular’ ceiling.

“The colour of the dress suits you very well,” he says, this time in a matter-of-fact way. “I wonder if I should have colour-coordinated.”

“No need! I’m getting used to seeing you in purple nearly all the time.”

“But I’m not sure if it is the appropriate colour for this event, though. It is more common in the 31st century, but everyone seems to be wearing black suits.”

“Seriously, it’s fine,” she assures him. “The dark purple looks good on you.”

“Really?”

“Of course, you look –”

Kara looks Brainy once over, eyes once again meeting with his.

“ – good.”

Oh.

Oh.

She is suddenly conscious that he does, in fact, look very good and that Brainy in a suit is a look that she is not at all opposed to.

“That’s a relief to hear, Kara.”

He takes her hand back in his, pulling her slightly closer and leaning down.

Her heartbeat suddenly skyrockets, and she finds herself closing her eyes as she feels his breath across her cheek and –

“Don’t look now but based on the simulations I ran on the target, she might now be taking some of her guests to the ‘other’ entertainment.”

“What?” Kara says this out loud, turning around before Brainy pulls her back.

“I thought you said you’re not supposed to look after that phrase.”

“You’re not,” she confirms. You’re not, but you’ve completely frazzled me, so I just did.

“Are we following her, then?”

“Yes, we are.”

He lets go of her.

“Lead the way since you’ve been here before.”

It’s back to business, but the smile is still in place and there’s a twinkle in his eyes that make her wonder whether he enjoyed catching her off guard.

This is Brainy though, there was no way.

“I think I’ve done enough leading for the day.”

…Right? 

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

Love is like a fart - an anti SC fandom fic

On AO3 HERE

For people who are tired of THAT fandom’s BULLSHIT.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

ME: This fic is very serious. No joking. No sarcasm. No irony. I’m dead serious. Serious like a heart attack. Serious like-

MON-EL: Like Serious Black?

ME: It’s SIRIUS Black and what the hell are you doing here?! Go back to the fic!

MON-EL: :(

ME: *cough awkwardly* Well, enjoy.

*

Lena and Kara, the loverbirds tortured and separated by bad writers, bad boyfriends and bad dead boyfriends were finally sitting in a super fancy, super exclusive apartment that Lena bought for Kara. Every free space was filled with roses. Lena also bought Kara two restaurants, super expensive car, a cottage in mountains and Monaco.

Because this is what you do when you truly and eternally love someone - you overwhelm your lover with not needed stuff. Because this is a sign of magical and pure love.

And well, because you are loaded, don’t give a shit about money and you can make that person feel like she owes you. #HealthyRelationshipGoals!!!

*

MXY: *munching popcorn* I can relate.

ME: What the fuck are you doing here?

MXY: Stalking.

ME: UGH.

*

Kara and Lena were sitting on a couch and sharing a blanket, because there is nothing more romantic than stealing scenes from the other ships, especially when your ship doesn’t have a single, normal, not delusional aka OMG-they-are-breathing-in-one-room!! canonical romantic scene.

(Sounds of SC fandom sobbing in the distance.)

So, they were sitting on the couch and the chemistry between them - nitrogen, oxygen, argon and carbon dioxide - was like always sparkling with unresolved sexual tension.

*

MXY: Wait, you just listed the elements of air.

ME: Because there is no other fucking chemistry there, duh?

MXY: Sad truth.

*

Kara looked at Lena lovingly like she was her best friend….

(Best friend? Wait a minute!)

*

ME: Kara, put your crap together and look at Lena like she’s the love of your life.

KARA: But I don’t know how!

ME: Just look at her like you look at Mon-El all the time, ok?

*

Kara lovingly looked at Lena, like Lena was Mon-El, because there was no other fucking way to make this shit genuine and relatable.

“Lena,” Kara asked sweetly.

“Yes, Starling?” Lena answered.

*

JACK: Hey! Stop stealing my fucking lines!!!

ME: Shut up, who cares? You are dead.

JACK: :’(((((((

MXY: YOLO, dude.

*

“Lena... why are you chewing your lip?”

“Because, I’m hungry, honey,” Lena said suggestively.

“I’m starving too, let’s order some food.”

“Silly, I’m hungry for your pussy.”

Kara stared awkwardly at Lena. Lena stared awkwardly at Kara.

“That was weird...” Kara said finally.

“Yeah, I know. But I found it in sc fics.”

“There are fics about us?!”

“Yes, in most of them we want to fuck each other and act super OOC, Mon-El is portrayed like the biggest OOC piece of shit that has nothing in common with canon and the shippers can’t tag properly their abusive crap even if their lives depend on it.”

“That’s why I don’t check tumblr these days.”

Lena gasped, suggestively because she did everything suggestively, and took out her phone “But you have to check this amazing cats video I -” and then she started crying. Suggestively.

“Why are you crying?”

“I just found posts made by SC shippers claiming Katie McGrath can’t play a straight character and have no chemistry with men actors! Kara, does it mean they think she is a shitty actress?”

Kara sweated (suggestively), “Well...”

*

MXY: *munching popcorn* Basically, they seriously claim she is a shitty actress.

LENA: *stares into the camera* That’s why Katie McGrath doesn’t have official accounts on social media.

ME: Because of the haters?

LENA: BECAUSE OF HER FUCKING STANS!!!

*

“Well, let’s just talk, ok? We are best friends after all, right?”

Suddenly Kara started crying too (suggestively, of course).

“Why, are you crying?”

“I don’t know, I just got a very canonical and weird feeling about the best friend thing. It’s so amazing that we have nothing in common and I can’t even tell you I am a fucking alien and that I lie to you all the time because, tadah!, I’m a freaking Supergirl! For sure it’s not going to kick my ass one day and fuck up our relationship, right? And it’s not like you are going to die in 50 years, leaving me alone and heartbroken, because I’m going to live forever, lol. We are super duper relationship goals, right?”

Lena blinked dumbly (and very suggestively) “Wait, you are an alien and Supergirl?”

Kara sweated in a super sexual way, “Ahahahaha! I’m joking!”

“Ahahaha!” Lena joined her, very sexually and suggestively, “So, funny! Supergirl? OMG, you look totally different, you wear glasses! I’m a freaking genius after all, I would realize my BEST friend is Supergirl, lol”.

They both laughed (very suggestively) for some time and finally Kara said:

“So, we should talk more, we are best friends and have so many interesting topics to discuss!”

...

Silence.

Still silence.

Super silence.

*

ME: Ugh, it’s awkward.

MXY: Yep. Make them talk about hot guys.

ME: They can’t talk about hot guys.

MXY: But it’s canon.

ME: It’s a SC fic, so we ignore the canon.

MXY: Make it sexual then.

ME: *sighs*

*

Suggestive sexual silence and tension like in every scene with Kara and Lena (at least in SC shippers’ eyes).

*

MXY: See? Everything is fixed now.

ME: *whispers to Jack’s Ghost* Is it?

JACK’S GHOST: *whispers back* Don’t ask me, I’m fucking dead.

ME: Let’s just move on...

*

“Did you know that shipping SC is the most progressive thing you can imagine?” Lena asked  with a low, suggestive voice.

“Shipping two white, privileged women who like dicks is called progressive these days?” Kara blinked her eyes in a very sexual fashion.

“Yes, I have a tumblr post that proves it,” Lena smiles. “And did you know that fucking writers are queerbaiting our fans?”

Kara gasped (suggestively), “No way! But didn’t they say we are only friends and Kara is not gay?”

Lena blinked, not very suggestively but you know, SC shippers are going to interpret it like that no matter what, “Well, they did, but my actress bites her lip, you know, in a sexuall way.”

“So, your actress… queerbaits SC fans, even if it’s not in the script?”

Lena blinked. Kara blinked back.

*

LENA: Does my actress queerbaits SC fans?

ME:...

MXY:...

JACK’S GHOSTS:...

ME: We don’t talk about it.

LENA: *CRIES IN IRISH*

*

Kara looked at Lena’s trembling lips and said:

“Maybe we should just move to the part everyone lusts for and kiss passionately.”

So they did and….

*

Hospital, an hour later

Sniffing Kara was standing near Lena’s bed.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it!” she sobbed.

“Don’t worry,” said Lena, covered by the bandages like a mummy “I’m fine. You just broke my nose, both hands, ten ribs and spine. I’m sure I’m not going to be paralyzed forever.”

Kara sniffed, ”So, do you want to go for another date?”

Lena opened her mouth and -

*

Lena’s apartment

Lena woke up screaming.

“And then she asked me out again and I screamed and I woke up,” Lena sobbed into Jack’s chest few minutes later, after telling him the whole nightmare.

“It’s ok, it was just a dream,” Jack kissed her hair and hugged her tightly.

Suddenly, James switched on the bed lamp.

“Guys, I love you both, but can we go back to sleep? I need to fucking get up in the morning.”

*

Kara’s apartment

Kara woke up laughing like an idiot.

“Rao, I just had the funniest dream you can imagine.”

“Can we talk about it in the morning?” Mon-El mumbled tiredly into her neck.

“But I want to hear it now!” Brainiac5 popped out from under the blanket and hugged Mon from behind.

“Can you stop rubbing my ass?” Mon-El growled.

“I thought you like it,” Brainiac said tearily.

“Not in the 5 in the morning, raodamnit!”

“What the hell Brainy is doing in our bed?” Imra asked suddenly.

“The more the merrier!” Mon and Brainiac said together.

Suddenly, a lightning stroke outside, the door to their bedroom opened and Lightning Lad walked in:

“Someone said something about the more the merrier?! ”

Imra and Kara looked at each other.

“We need a bigger bed,” they said in unison.

THE END

I’m not sorry.

P.S. BTW:

Me:Moniac5 for the win!

Mon-El: Winn is here too? *checks under the bed*

Me: WIN not WINN! Mon, stop-

Mon-El: *takes out Winn from under the bed*

Me:...

Me:They seriously need a bigger bed…

THE END END