#tldr stone top feels nice 4 me n clothes is convenient

[grey-streetlight]

On Stone Topping + clothed dom

eugh there it is… that persistent overstimulation, that pit in my stomach, that “hmm , am i getting sick” feeling, that “there’s something wrong with me” thought pattern.

I must then weight the thought, check its merits, decide how i feel, feel that, accept it, and move on. COPING SKILLS!!!

This is why i’m a stone top. Parts of sex with my body feel gross. Masturbation is a normal part of life for a lot of people, me included. (That testosterone is a feisty hormone.) I’ve been off T for months, but the libido stuck. Every time I do masturbate, (if i’m even able to cum) the orgasm feels great! Followed by an immediate crash. The sensations are all too much. It must stop immediately. And that feeling sticks. It stays. It requires lots of time, self-administered aftercare, and pushing through deeply uncomfortable feelings to get back to a baseline feeling.

I get horny and masturbate though, because i will not deny myself that release!! (i just want my rush of happy hormones)

Each time though, am reminded of why I am a “stone top”. Orgasm leads to drop. Consistently. I don’t want to go through that with anyone at all. I hate going through it myself. It feels like my identity, my gender, my genitals are all swirling, pricking uncomfortably. I can’t settle into myself. My body feels like i’m trying to squeeze into shoes I’ve outgrown, pinching, suffocating.

I want sex to be good. I want it to be fulfilling. I don’t feel fulfilled receiving. There was a time i was one hell of a bottom and felt truly fulfilled! So many things have changed in my life and my body since then. For now, giving is where i get pleasure.

It feels so good to give. I think, every time I’m strapping, that cis men do not deserve penises. It boggles my mind how incredible it feels in my body to have that harness on. To have the right tool to make someone feel so good with my movements. This is the dance I understand. This makes my body light up with satisfaction. This is my sexual pleasure. Creating that experience for someone else is so perfect. HOW DOES IT FEEL BETTER FOR THE CIS MEN? WHY DO THEY GET TO FEEL THE STRAP and i can’t??????anyway… cis men don’t deserve it!

Also I just really am like. Nah just like, don’t touch me. pls. thank you. If I wanna cum, i’ll do it. It’s very hard on my personal pharmacy of drugs and semi-testosterone-ed body to actually cum. It’s like a cat trying to catch a laser and i would get frustrated trying to do that with any other person. I do not want to try. That’s just a no-no zone.

on clothed doming

I am super comfortable with my body being seen that’s not the problem. I just have to have an identity and clothes are a huge part of that for me. When i’m naked, my identity is gone too, most of the time. It’s just a body, not really connected to me? Being gender-funky in a lesbian way + Borderline Personality Disorder = weird relationship with self and clothing. If I feel like i’m still seen as me, I’ll wear something really feminine and sexy and bust out a great lap dance/pole routine! If I am worried I or someone else will perceive me in a weird way?? clothes!!! Also my outfits are cute. They’re important. I don’t wanna take it off!!

Also, strap over underwear. Will I get turned on strapping and make a mess?? yes. harness over underwear. Also cis men aren’t allowed to see what i got :) esp if im doing this at the sexy club. Also it’s a cute power dynamic. It’s so comfortable. It feels more like me. i don’t have to clean that side of the harness. it’s great. then my underwear becomes the cum rag! :) It’s efficient too!

Stone topping feels like home. It feels like me. It gives me an identity, a home in my body, a community, history. It’s so precious to me, my Stone Top Identity.

I’m still a masochist tho! So if you’re a hot dyke/ lesbian and wanna (bond first for like 6 months) chain me up and beat my ass in a vampire way, I’d really appreciate it!!! :)))