#to an extent i'm doing it on purpose. i'm hard to threaten and have a support system

[distractionactivated]

You know what is really getting me about the current moment in the UK? Among all the other things that are really getting me, that is. It's that the trans community is being forced to roll back the arguments we use and leave behind language and battles we were making headway on, and now I read article after article, by trans people, that never even mention the fact that non-binary people a) exist, b) are trans and c) are affected by the whole dealio that's going down.

[numberonetacostan]

I've returned with another Taco headcanon, I feel like Taco does LIKE making people laugh to an extent. She comments on how she finds naming her team "Chicken Leg" was hillarious. I feel like post canon she would realize that people don't like when she's 100% serious, and that she comes off more threatening then she means too. She notices Nickle getting more friends then her, she tries sarcasm. She notices that (SOMETIMES) people will laugh at Cheesy's jokes, so she'll try those too, trying to make herself more likeable. Though similar to Box, I feel like she wouldn't have a good grasp on humor because of her isolation. She didn't try and be funny beyhond random words and a bit of comedic timing. A lot of her jokes come off as violent, or weird, like when she jokes about "overthrowing the community/hotel", stealing something, etc. - Moldy (ty for the nickname i luv it)

Hi Moldy!!!!^^ I'm glad you like your nickname!!! Welcome back, and thank you for sending in your hc!!!! :]

I think she would like making people laugh, assuming she was doing it on purpose!!!^^ She'd like the positive attention :3 and she'd also like seeing her favorite people happy!!!!^^ She'd try harder to make them laugh ;).

Post-canon she is sooo workshopping her personality too. She's been playing up her evil mastermind persona for so long, trying to just be her normal self while also trying to become a better person!!!! I think she'd lean too hard into trying to make herself good and likeable at first, and end up not only performing an act again instead of being herself but also stressing herself wayyyyy out in keeping it up all the time. She genuinely wants connection this time, unlike when she was acting in s1, and wants people to actually like and accept her, and know she's still acting and not getting that would be so awful for her. angst angst angst!!!! >:D

Anyways yeah!! I like her sarcasm, I think it's so sassy and I love that for her. Also she's quite quick witted, so she would be good with puns too, yeah? I think her joking about violence or like burning down the hotel is so funny, but only on a meta level not to the actual characters. It's extra funny if she has to clarify that's she's joking because she doesn't get the tone quite right. I think she'd give up on those jokes pretty quick. Box might find them funny though, lol.

[morally-grey-girlbosses]

Propaganda under the cut.

Audrey Redheart:

Though she's often referred to as a hero, this particular girlboss ready and willing to end the entire WORLD. She also attacks and critically injures the main character and their best friend at different parts of the story.

audrey redheart is a Typical Hero in a game that is not about her and at every turn she refuses to accept it is not about her. chosen by the goddess eya to hard reset the world by killing all of the overseers that guard it, in any other universe she would be the main character fighting bosses for this big goal. but no. this is a game about an irrelevant little bard on a complete wild goose chase to save the world instead. these goals do not actually clash with each other, the mcguffins the bard needs to try to save the world can be gotten after an overseer is dead. the real clash here is that audrey gets very defensive of her God's Favoritest Little Girl marker and tends to start chucking lightning at people who get in the way of her destiny. see audrey is actually a really fascinating character to me because all of her actions come from a newfound sense of purpose, before she was eya's chosen hero she didn't really see herself as much. and now that she has a destiny, an identity and purpose she never had before, she'll go to any extents to protect it. this plus the fact that she's, the hero, makes her a Very tough customer because all of the issues she has I just mentioned have a very hard to refute front of "I'm the hero, this is the way things are meant to go" she usually defaults to when posed with an actual question that may make her vulnerable or in the wrong. because of this it's hard to argue if a lot of her actions are morally questionable, and that's the point. she Is the hero. she's only doing what her god told her she had to do. and as she hurts people who threaten her fate and betrays people because the alternative was giving up what made her special, she keeps telling herself that. in truth, she's scared. of losing herself, but also of the end of the world that she's doomed to cause. but every time she asserts that "this is the way it has to be", we can tell exactly which she seems to fear more. (spoiler alert if you couldnt already guess, even through all this she gets her destiny stolen at the last second Anyway)

Kyoko Sakura:

- A girl - A boss - She's selfish, but still endearing (Little spoilers below, but I assume that as of today, PMMM is in public domain and that these spoilers don't ruin the watching experience) - She's got good reason to become selfish. She wanted to make a wish to help her father but that only made him angry. She deduced that sacrifying one's life for another is stupid and that everyone should live only for themself. - But she's discover that helping others is good! (Or she's just fell in love with Sayaka but shhhh). She's not 100% black. - Look at her grin!

[mothandbird]

Overanalyzing Black Paradox

tw: suicide I wrote an article for five hours regarding the themes of Black Paradox by Junji Ito. Do you want to see me overanalyze all the themes of Black Paradox to an extreme extent to the point where it doesn't make any sense what I'm talking about? Do you want to hear me talk about climate change, how the story's beginning ties into its ending but also not really, how I tried and failed to find the paradox in Black Paradox using the fullest extent of my sleep-deprived brain?

Well, here is the entire blog post without images condensed into Tumblr Format through the power of copy and paste.

Black Paradox is a manga written and drawn by famous horror artist Junji Ito. It is about four people who meet up online through a suicide website called Black Paradox to commit group suicide. Now I will say I was initially swindled by the book's presence. I flipped through a couple pages and saw a man being pulled out of what looked like water and being resuscitated. On the back of the book it says that the four try to find a way to achieve a "perfect death". Through my folly I had mistakenly misinterpreted this book as four individuals obsessed with thanatology reaching what they believe to be a perfect, absolute death within their philosophical confines.  

Macabre, off-putting, surreal - that was the mindset I was initially entering the book with. Instead I got four people who fight over each other to collect a bundle of rare gemstones that offer unlimited energy that emerge from the dead while remaining pursued by their unresolved pasts.

The difference between my expectations and what I received does not mean that this is not a good book. In fact, I reread this book for my review. As with most books, you are not going to get exactly what's written on the back. 

So with that in mind, take the review with a pinch of salt and a dash of pepper. Read the first few bits of the review and see for yourself if the plot sounds like your cup of tea.

The Cast of Our Misfortunes

Who are the central characters of the story, and why are they here?

(These are not spoilers, by the way. All of this is stated in the first ten pages of the book)

Maruso - a girl suffering from a foreboding dread which she fears predicts a series of disasters lying in her near future. She worries that this sensation is a premonition of misfortune to come, and wishes to avoid an unpleasant fate. She is anxious, reserved, and skittish of what is to come.

Taburo - a boy who claims to have seen his doppelganger. One common folktale is that if you see your doppelganger, it means you are going to die soon. Taburo wishes to expedite the process instead of slowly waiting for his own death. He is flippant, arrogant, and apathetic.

Pi-tan - a man who invented a robot designed after himself. As the robot was "better" in every way and universally celebrated by his peers, Pi-tan felt that his own existence is threatened by the "other him" and wishes to die before a public press announcement of the robot's existence is made. He is melancholic, academic, and reserved.

Barrachi - a woman who was born with half of her face scarred. She cannot bear the given perception of herself, and as a result joined the group primarily from self-loathing. She is cynical, shrewd, and adamant.

It is hard to come up with descriptors for Junji Ito's characters. Usually characters in Junji Ito's works are purposely designed to be bland without personality, or resemble a generic "everyday person" trope. The reasoning for this is that the less details a protagonist or character has, the easier it feels to project onto them. Furthermore it's hard to condense character development in a graphic-based novel with limited space and words. Also, if the characters had complex personalities, we would feel bad when a character we personally relate to or enjoy suffers or experiences hardship. Vice versa, when a character we hate experiences misfortune we experience catharsis.

In this book however we have the four same characters throughout the entire book. Their lives are not completely laid out for us but their motivations and rationalizations are; a stark difference from other Junji Ito anthologies. 

The general plot of the book is that one of the characters starts throwing up never-before-seen gemstones called Paradonite. These gemstones are astonishingly beautiful and release a tremendous amount of energy when struck. The group believes these gemstones are from some form of spirit world and are split being those who believe the gemstones should be left alone and those who wish to monopolize them for their own profit. The book is a fairly short read and only takes about two hours to finish. Overall, the book is divided between chapters where the group initially meets up to die, the discovery and monopolization of the gemstones, and the investigation into how to acquire more of them by travelling to this spirit world. 

The narrative flow of the book is smooth. The only significant portion of the book that is significantly crunched together is the ending which gives exposition towards what the spirit world is, what the gemstones are, and a predictive epilogue for what will happen to the characters. However I'd say the ending is still enjoyable, one of the most enjoyable factors of the book in fact, despite it being 90% exposition. This could be that I personally liked the ideas introduced in the ending and their implications, as well as being given details and answers to some of the more significant questions proposed in the book. It also ties up some themes from the beginning of the book, which I will discuss later on. I don't want to spoil the entire plot, if you are still planning on reading it.

Recommendations:

I would not say that this was my absolute favorite book by Junji Ito (Tomie and Hellstar Remina), but just because it's not my favorite does not mean I disliked it. I enjoyed the book, more so the second-time rereading it than the first; it does not have an extensive amount of body horror compared to Junji Ito's other works and instead shifts its focus more towards the plot and characters.

Note: Spoilers ahead for the first chapter, ending, and other random plot points in the book. If you want to read the book, do so first.

There are several themes in the book that reoccur throughout the beginning and end. I will go through each one that I personally noticed, and what I think they mean in the story itself.

Double or Nothing: The Doubles of Our Characters

You may have noticed from the character's descriptions (and the first chapter) that three of our four characters have a "double" in some shape or form that initially presses them into suicide. Barrachi has her reflection, Pi-tan has a robot designed to look like him, and Taburo has his doppelganger. 

In the first chapter, Maruso accidentally enters a car with these doubles who plan to kill themselves and the originals - this is done from a plot-standpoint to prevent our cast from committing suicide and drive home the idea of the doubles existing in the novel. While all three of the doubles "die" in this first chapter, they do reappear and play what I believe to be a significant role throughout the remainder of the book.

Towards the latter half of the book the main cast are slowly recruited to travel to the spirit world through their respective portals. As a rule each character can only travel through a portal made from their own designated portal or they will die. During these scenes of the characters gradually travelling to and from the spirit world, there is something of particular interest. That being that every time a character decides to travel to the spirit world, they reflect their double.

For example: 

The Pi-tan that goes into the spirit world is actually the Pi-tan robot being piloted by his soul

The Barrachi that goes into the spirit world has had surgery to fix the birthmark on the left side of her face. At the beginning of the novel we see that Barrachis double, her reflection, has her birthmark on her right side. It is mentioned in the second chapter that the reflection could just change what side of her face has the birthmark if the reflection was two mirrors facing each other. Therefore it could be argued that Barrachi is therefore an extension of her reflection by the end of a novel, her reflection and herself overlapping.

Taburo just gets visited by his doppelganger, fears that his shadow is also his doppelganger, then the next time we see him is him walking out of his own shadow. We could view all of these as their doubles becoming "one" with the cast and characters.

Maruso's double isn't really a double, it's just her anxiety and fears for the future which disappear later on in the book and instead coalesce as an acceptance of the future, no matter how horrible it appears.

 This comes into the idea that all of the characters, despite being initially pushed to suicide due to the appearance of their "doubles" or sources of conflict, eventually loop back around towards embodying or embracing some aspect of their double by the end of the story. 

It is also insinuated that the doubles have some form of connection with the spirit world and why the characters act as gateways. Barrachi has spirit stones fall out of her birthmark, Taburo has spirit stones fall out of his shadow (the only thing that resembles him to the closest extent, like a doppelganger), and Maruso has her gateway in the part of the brain that controls fear (which initially drove her to suicide in the first place).

The Cost of Eternity

This comparison is short and sweet. It is revealed at the ending of the book that Paradonite isn't just a gem that contains the souls of those who go to the afterlife. Instead, it is a soul for everything and anything that is living; the soul, personality, and spirit of a person are stored inside of the gemstone while they physically exist on Earth, and when they die they presumably reincarnate with their spirit entering a new body. To put it in simpler terms, imagine your brain was in a jar but it could still move your body even though your body itself may not be aware of the brains existence or its influence.

  It is speculated that as Paradonite is harvested and consumed for energy, people on Earth will "vanish" as their soul's are consumed. It draws parallels with modern day climate change with discussion whether humanity will still use Paradonite once they realize the cost of its energy and that the immediate benefits and resources are impacting their lives and safety long-term.

The Afterlife and Back

Another theme that is mentioned at the end of the book is the reason this all happened in the first place. At the beginning of the book, all of the characters want to die. In the ending of the book the characters technically achieve this by travelling to and from the afterlife to collect Paradonite, thus fulfilling their goal at the beginning of the book without reaching finality. The only exception to this is Pi-tan, who DOES end up dying at the beginning, but possesses Pi-tan's robot. The characters also end up subverting the reason they wanted to die in the first place; Maruso no longer experiences dread about the future, Pi-tan now IS his robot, Barrachi had her birthmark removed... 

In all instances the characters achieved not only their initial goal of dying, but also in removing the cause that incited their death in the first place.

I thought this was a neat detail, even if it is told directly to us in the book.

The Paradox in Black Paradox

So what is the paradox in Black Paradox. I am not sure. I am guessing for this. This is a sleep-deprived, one-off guess that I cooked up in a primordial stew of neurons and tap water. My guess is that the paradox in Black Paradox (asides from it being merely a name) is that the source of the entire story (the doubles, and Maruso's foreboding for the future) would not have even occurred without the doubles appearing. Maruso wouldn't have had any foreboding about the future, so she wouldn't be there. Many of the doubles seem to share the same goal of dying at the beginning of the film; indeed, Pi-tans robot expresses the wish to die even before Pi-tan's soul begins possessing it. It is likely, given that some of the doubles like Tashuro's doppelganger keep coming back, that these doubles are either a manifestation of the cast's trauma, personal self-loathing, or a representation of their deaths. I don't really know though. These doubles existences are unexplained. However, they do end up subverting the characters deaths multiple times - thus removing any reason for their existence in the first place. The doppelganger doesn't show up after Tashuro begins journeying into the afterlife, nor does anyone else's double once they visit the spirit world (Pi-tan's robot doesn't count because it IS Pi-tan.). Where am I going with this? I don't know. It's been a long day and I am 1400 words into this review and frankly not awake enough to solve a paradox which may or may not exist. It could be that there IS no paradox and Black Paradox is a name that was only picked out. Gyo (another of Junji Ito's works) wasn't about climate change or the devastating drawbacks that meddling with nature can bring, it solely written to be about fish with legs.

That is all for the review. If you have ANY theories, or sources of what the paradox in Black Paradox is, post it in the comments please. I may be confuddling myself in the shadow of Occam's Razor. and that is the end of this review. Bravo if you made it this far. I apologize for any haphazardly thrown together words, I cannot coherently dissect the themes anymore than this or in a more eloquent manner.

[bn-brightflower]

Land of the Beautiful Dead

By: R. Lee Smith

My Rating: 5/5

Spiciness: 🌶️🌶️🌶️/5

Kindle: Yes

Kindle Unlimited: Yes

Paperback: Yes

Amazon Link

Trigger Warnings: Gore, Torture (of adults and children), Vomit, Sexual Coercion, Intimate/Domestic Violence, Suicide/Attempted Suicide, Self-Mutilation, Other Woman, Cannibalism (of the zombie variety)

Who I'd Recommend it For: Fans of dark romance - it is dark, very, very dark, just sitting on the edge of pitch black. Fans of a true anti-hero and morally grey characters, where everyone both is and is not the villain. If you need a soft romance and characters that lean toward comforting one another, this is NOT the book for you. Neither of the lead characters are stunningly attractive; the male lead is grotesque, actually, with exposed bone and tendon, and the female lead is never described as anything more than plain. The book has spice - not a ton of it - but the spice is, at times, very uncomfortable. If you want sexy sexy smut, this is definitely NOT the book for you. Fans of a HEA that is hard to earn but well worth it.

Summary: In a Post-Apocalyptic world, Lan has come to the land of the beautiful dead for one reason and one reason alone; to ask Lord Azrael, God of Death, to end the eaters, the horrific things that rise up and attack the living when people die. She expects to have a martyrs death, but Azrael offers her a deal; he will not end the eaters, but he will allow her to continue to ask in exchange for warming his bed.

That's it, and I genuinely didn't expect it to be the best book I've read in several years, but it absolutely was.

-- SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT --

I genuinely cannot stop thinking about this book, and it's given me the book hangover from Hell because I know I will never find something quite like it again.

Azrael is a stunningly compelling character, an immortal being that's been chased, attacked and betrayed by humans since the beginning of time. He doesn't seem to know what exactly he is (my best guess would be he's Azrael, I know I'm a genius), but he knows that he's not human and he doesn't fit in among them no matter how hard he tries to co-exist peacefully. He was born into violence and the violence follows him. He is hard and even downright cruel, but he's also incredibly lonely and has been chasing a way to ease that loneliness for eons. While everything and everyone around him will die and leave him, he raises the dead to be his companions. The problem is that the dead he's raised have been with purpose; he is Lord over them and they are all, to some extent, an extension of himself.

Azrael is aware that he's fearsome, and also grotesque, and so he makes deals with those few living people that do come to him to beg for relief from the eaters he's risen as protection for himself and from a world ravaged by the atomic bomb that humans dropped on him; converse with him, tolerate his bed, and he will provide them with everything they could possibly want or need.

All of this goes about as well as it could be expected to, until Lan comes along. Lan, who already believed she was on a suicide mission and is undetered by threats of death. Lan who is unafraid to treat him like any other man. Lan, who slaps him, and also kisses him of her own volition.

Lan is a compelling character in her own right. She isn't there to do harm, she's only there to beg him not to do harm to the living. Even through his cruelty, she finds compassion for him.

Azrael and Lan are not particularly nice to each other all the time and I see a lot of complaints about that, but the truth is it just works for them and anything else would have almost been insulting. Lan berates and insults, Azrael threatens with no follow through. If they were perfect for each other in the way typical romance novels work, they simply wouldn't be perfect for each other. Azrael is desperate for someone that doesn't worship him but comes to love him despite who and what he is. He finds that in Lan.

The entire book is written through Lan's perspective. Beyond the "romance" of it, there are many thoughtful things to think about through it. Questions like what makes a villain, or what makes something alive. Is it a heartbeat, will, thoughts, a soul? Are the dead any less than the living just because their heart isn't beating anymore? Is it villainous to protect oneself through violent means when the alternative is accepting violent treatment instead?

Imo, there are truly no villains in this story. Everyone is a bit villain, everyone is a bit victim, and that's the beauty of humanity.

There is a happy ending, but it's a very nontraditional happy ending. Which I think fits it perfectly. I could talk about this book literally all day, so I'm going to stop but I'll leave it with a quote.

[yogsandchaos]

Been a bit and definitely nothing has happened so I'm gonna...

7. Mental health should be taken seriously, but be wary of when it's used to distract from real issues. The fact someone did a bad thing should not be forgotten even if the results have hurt them. Instead facts like "no one deserves an internet witch hunt and death threats" along with "even still you did a really bad thing" can and should both be taken equally. At the same time though, give people at least some grace when it's brought up and don't immediately assume it's a distraction. It very likely feels important to the person bringing it up and like it's worth mentioning especially when in those headspaces. TLDR Don't be guilted, don't let guilting go unchecked, but don't inherently assume guilting was intentional and not just a poor decision made earnestly

8. People are inherently biased towards their own favor and view of events. If someone genuinely believes themselves to not have done something wrong, insisting on that is not gaslighting or anything, it's simply a different perception. Someone can be wrong without doing it on purpose, in fact this can be rather common. Don't take defensiveness and reframing as a sign of guilt, that's just how humans work.

9. Everyone involved has more information then you, random person on tumblr, it's good to get both sides, but do not presume you know everything, no one is ever 100% completely right about everything on a developing situation. You do not know these people's, you do not know the full extent of whats going on, they are not your friends. I understand the defensiveness, but you gotta remember this isn't your beef. Form your own opinion yes, but be aware that facts can change and that the truth is usually a bit more complicated then you might hope.

10. Cancel Culture is much more complex then just "100% good" or "100% bad" it's a hard to control tool that can have severe consequences, but like all tools it depends on the use and applications. Be careful on how you use it, and be understanding when people speak out about how dangerous and potentially life threatening it can be. Don't feed flames that don't need to be fed and especially don't misuse it as an excuse to be vicious towards whoever is on the weekly chopping block.

11. People can be wrong and support someone they shouldn't, this isn't a reason to immediately condemn them and cut them away as helpless, but a reason to learn more about why and their own opinions. It's an invitation for discussion, not an immediately burned bridge. Nuance good! Especially don't expect people to immediately cut off people they were close friends with for long periods of time, even if it turns out they were wrong about them, people wanna defend their friends and family, especially with how violent cancel culture can get.

12. The best thing you can do about an unfolding situation like this is to let the actual people involved settle things and do the arguing and fighting and stuff, and to simply stay somewhat informed and double checking that the information is correct. Like, make memes and jokes, but don't take it upon yourself to try and get actually involved, you'll just make things messier and more confusing with how fast disinformation can spread. Screenshots can be faked, deepfaking is a lot easier these days, I'm not saying to not believe everything ever, just, remember to further check things.

13. SENDING DEATH THREATS IS ILLEGAL, DO NOT SEND THREATS, YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE IF YOU SEND ANYONE DEATH THREATS OR JUST THREATS, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ALREADY HAVE LAWYERS INVOLVED IM CHOOSING TO BELIEVE MOST PEOPLE WOULD NOT DO THIS, BUT FOR THAT LIKE 2% THINKING ABOUT HOW FUNNY IT WOULD BE, YOU CAN GET IN A LOT OF TROUBLE DO N O T .

14. Don't call people narcissists or psycho, or anything, I know that's asking a lot, but at least try not to be ableist about this. The word you want is not narcissist, it's "manipulator." It's scummy to immediately assume anyone who does anything bad has to have "bad person disorder" something that does not, and never has existed.

15. Remember people who hurt others or do bad things are very rarely giant supervillains pulling the strings with dozens of scripts and plans to manipulate and twist everything. They're just a person, a person likely with some sense of entitlement. That's it. You don't gotta be a smart Machiavellian master villain to hurt someone or do something scummy. You just have to feel like you're owed something, you have been wronged somehow, or that you are an exception to something. Anyone can do that. It's basically never a big grand chessmaster plan, it's just a person who likely genuinely does not believe they did do anything wrong, or that whatever wrong they did wasn't actually what people are taking it as.

16. Continue to be nice and patient! Just, be nice, I cannot stress enough how much being nice and patient can make things easier to deal with when it comes to discourse. Like, do it for your own sanity at least, don't get in fights, or yell at people, or stay up to 3 am putting up a red string board. Be nice and patient.

17. Almost forgot, but just because one person is worse doesn't mean you shouldn't call out when the other is going too far. You're allowed to go "this person is bad, but i find this reaction or statement about it to be uneasy or uncomfortable" that's allowed, nuance nuance nuance. Someone can do something wrong about or to someone who has done harm, and the fact that they have done harm does not inherently mean you have to turn a blind eye to it.

The hermit community is pretty old so I probably don’t have to say this, but I know a lot of people in the fandom are young; but here’s a few tips from an old school yog fan

1. just because someone has left or did a bad thing, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for enjoying the content, along with still wanting to watch that old content they did or were a part of

2. Just because someone has left or did a bad thing does not mean you cannot continue to make fan content. While it’s understandable if you don’t make more or remove art you have made, you are also not bad if you don’t. YouTube is all about collaboration and transformation. Fanart? Fanfic? Cosplay? That’s all transformative, you don’t have to stop making a new thing from the old thing. It’s fully in your right to do so, but it’s not required.

3. Do not harass people about whether they do or don’t make art or delete art, it’s transformative works and personal choice, the most you should do is ask for it to be tagged so it can be filtered.

4. Don’t harass the creators either, it’s clearly been handled and handled well. If this was a case of it being ignored for years by the company or group (COUGH SJIN YOGSCAST COUGH) then it would be more complicated, but it’s a solved issue. Don’t harass iskall or stress either

5. You are allowed to hold off on making a value judgment until you have more information. We don’t have a lot of information and things around kids media tend to be a lot more stricter then adults for what’s appropriate. so it could be a lot of different things of highly varying morality ranging from assault to a bad case of public intoxication that didn’t fit the child friendly brand of the Hermits. We don’t know. Especially about Stress her resignation and how it relates is a near total mystery right now.

6. Be kind to each other, and remember the people you watch are people, and people do dumb or fucked shit sometimes, it sucks, but these are just people, hopefully it’s something to be grown from by Iskall and not something life ruining, but let this remind everyone to not put people on pedestals as unproblematic. Every hermit has probably held an opinion or been a part of something you’d find distasteful, that’s just what it means to be human. It’s up to you to decide where your personal line is and your comfort levels on that stuff, and no one can make that choice for you.

[riastarthe]

this was really helpful for me to understand my own position as someone who does not think disability goes away in different economic systems, but that when the overall system is incentivised towards building communities and forming reciprocal social bonds, the nature of being disabled, the place on what was once a ladder, changes. once psychiatry and the capitalism in which it's firmly enmeshed is abolished, the useless DSM will be too, and we will all just have different brains that need certain kinds of support and we will or won't be able to do certain things but will no longer be categorised in the same way. it's hard to grapple with at the moment when this freedom seems so unattainable but it is something i'd like to exist so i'm trying to incorporate it better into how i think in the present. the structure or purpose of categorisation/stratification as it stands doesn't seem especially humanising and in many cases totally life-ruining.

individualised psychiatry/therapy didn't change the circumstances in which csa and other traumas occured in my life or anyone else's... it didn't make me more or less autistic... i Want, like, a good therapist who listens to me, but having gone thru the system since i was 12 i can't say with any confidence that it's made a meaningful dent in problems that are so enmeshed in broader structures as to be impenetrable past a certain point. it ends up feeling like i'm just passing the time, and in the case of psychiatry/psychology specifically, not just feeling but literally being trapped and threatened.

my study of the fifth province has also been really useful and i definitely urge people to research it— a concept of communal healing that came out of Irish social work.

Are you anti-recovery?

Recovery is not a neutral term. In a clinical setting, it often implies a specific path that, once again, is meant to ensure compliance and ability to work. Many psych professionals, for example, will refuse to treat a patient who is not sober (regardless of their personal relationship to substances and regardless of the fact that psych medications are also psychoactive substances, see part 3). I am in favor of all people being able to access treatment on their own terms and having their needs met – this is, however, to a great extent, mostly out of people’s control under our current system. A positive attitude does not get someone out of an abusive living situation or poverty wages; what does help someone in those situations is a strong support network and autonomy to make their own choices (though these are of course only limited solutions under capitalism), and not condescension (by psych professionals or otherwise) about the wrong, self-harming decisions they are making. For a shameless self-citation, I wrote more about this topic (and about the category of self-harm in general) here.

Well, capitalism exacerbates my symptoms, but I would still be depressed/autistic/anxious/ psychotic in a non-capitalist society. The way my brain works would still cause suffering, and shouldn't this suffering warrant description? It’s true that capitalism does not create the symptoms it pathologizes – or at least, does not create all of them. What it creates is the illness under which this pathologization happens. Many of the sources of psychiatrized people’s struggle in the current day are linked to the systems under which we live: not being able to escape from your abuser as a child due to the structure of the family, seeing family or community members be repeatedly sent to prison or assassinated due to the racist carceral system, living for years in and out of homelessness due to capitalism. The idea, however, that we can maintain psych diagnoses as categories without maintaining the oppressive structure of psychiatry, is equivalent to wanting to maintain gender without maintaining gender roles. Some of the symptoms that are currently grouped under the umbrella of psych diagnoses, granted, are (at least in part) neurologically instantiated. No serious antipsychiatry politics would state that no one outside of capitalism would experience hallucinations, or a deep, nerve-wracking fear with no clear cause, or would find certain textures and sounds completely unbearable. What is specific to psychiatry, however, is that those characteristics, instead of being treated as variations within the human experience, are considered illnesses which must be solved instead of providing accommodations within the parameters of what the person wants. It is also true that we do not need to have all the answers regarding how to accommodate various modes of functioning in an ideal society in order to recognize that the current system is violent and untenable and that diagnoses do nothing to help those who suffer the most from it.

[howl-fantasies]

Good day! I dont know if your request are open but if they are,

Can I request a story where Ed and Victor constantly butt heads with each other for y/n's attention/affection while y/n in the background is just filming the whole thing with Oswald in her lap? I adore Riddler x y/n and Victor x y/n in your stories, but I wanna give Oswald some love too[:

Hello dear, thank you for your request! Of course you can!

Here it is. It takes place just after the Skyfall drabble and @flaysthings alternative end. Here are both if you want to read it:

SKYFALL

SKYFALL ALTERNATIVE END 1 by @flaysthings

Warning: profanities, Gotham universe: so twisted relationships, slight NSFW themes, English isn't my first language, sorry about it I'm working on it.

Word Count: 2.029

UNDIVIDED ATTENTION

"RED!" Screamed both voices at the same time, just before a deafening silence took its place in Cobblepot's living room.

"Correct." A feminine bored voice sighed from one on the couch. A camera hanging nonchalantly in her right hand. "But it wasn't too difficult to figure it out, I mean, I always wear something red... You just have to look at me or sleep with me to know it..."

"Now dear, don't sound so defeated, and please, don't bring your sexual life in this mess. I just wanted to make sure both idiots knew the most basic things about you before hardening our little game," Oswald's own bored voice said.

Currently perched on the woman's lap like he would on his throne, the king of Gotham threw the little card abhorring purple and black questions marks he was holding nonchalantly on the floor.

"Care to explain, again, why we are doing this stupid game while I could be outside beheading some dude who wronged you? And why do I have to film it all? " She asked, nodding politely when Cobblepot presented a cup of tea in front of her mouth.

A sign of his head encouraged her to let him help her drink the warm liquid. "Don't worry, it's not too hot, I made sure of it." He added, earning dirty glares from the two other men in the room. "To answer your question," continued Oswald when he was satisfied about the amount of tea she drunk.

"First, you're not ready to go on a french killing spree my dear. You were shot badly two days ago and still need to recover. A beheading would open your stitches again.

"Second, because we have to stop this stupid competition between your dear husband and... your...uh... other informal one? The camera is for other purposes, mainly for my own entertainment, later." His statement made her raise a brow. "Excuse me?"

"Don't try to complicate things, Oswald!" Spat Riddler between gritted teeth from his own couch. "I was the one who found Y/N bleeding in a shady alley. I was the one who started to stop the bleeding and make sure she wasn't freezing to death.

"So, logically speaking I had to be the one who transport her to Leslie's clinic." The man in green ranted while making frantic movements with both hands and arms.

"Logically speaking, it would have to be ME, her fucking HUSBAND, who should have held her, transported her and monitored her state during the operation. Not you, fucking nerd." Victor hissed as his hands were clenching the armchairs of his seat so hard the wood whined.

"Ah!" Ed scoffed. "Because you're a freaking surgeon now? So well versed into human anatomy you would have helped Lee when she asked someone to literally plunged both hands inside of Y/N ribs cage?!"

That was it. Victor's right hand rushed under his arm to grab his gun in his holster as he jumped out of his couch, Ed imitating him but seizing his brand new cane, ready to smash the electric part of it on the other man's face.

"Want me to show you the whole extent of my human anatomy knowledge, Nygma?" Threatened Zsasz with a numb voice. The kind of voice - with him - meaning you were now walking on thin ice. As thin as rice paper.

A kind of voice, which made Y/N zoom as much as she could to be able to capture the wrinkles just between the hitman's eyebrows. Now she started to have some twisted kind of fun.

Ed felt a cold drop of sweat licking his neck and back. He never liked Zsasz. Never. His mere presence was enough to make him cringe. But he wouldn't change what happened two days ago.

Y/N was barely alive and he was, with Leslie, her best chance to stay alive. He wouldn't lose her to contempt Victor's bruised ego. Out of the question. And he would never let go of a chance to be close to Gotham's no.2 assassin. Sorry not sorry.

"Gentlemen!" Screeched Oswald who hadn't moved from his cozy spot. "Let's not repeat the shooting contest, which took place in Lee's clinic. I'm not going to threaten you with a scalpel, but I swear to impale both of you on a freaking umbrella should you not stop THIS INSTANT!"

"You still owe me an explanation concerning this shooting by the way, " added Y/N's tired voice from under Cobblepot, who immediately turn around to scrutinize her.

"Nothing much to tell dear, just continue to film. Victor shot Ed's privates parts. Ed dodged and also tried to shoot his jewels and missed. End of the story. You're tired. Don't concern yourself with their stupid shenanigans." He cooed, just before turning on his spot again to glare at the two other men still facing each other with their gun and cane out.

"Stop it! Both of you! Y/N isn't feeling well enough to kick some sense into your thick heads." Yelled Cobblepot. Nygma and Zsasz didn't move for a good minute. Still killing each other visually. Slowly, both rose their weapon and finally put it back into their respective place.

"Good." Spat Oswald. "Now sit back. Let's resume our game." The little man clapped his hands once and leaned a bit in order to reach the deck of cards he had to put on the coffee table in front of him when Ed and Victor lost their calm.

Once again, Oswald shuffled the cards before clearing his throat. "Where were we? Ahem. Ah! Yes. I like this one. You're trap with Y/N in a burning building. All issues are condemned. You're doomed. But! She isn't panicking. Why?" He asked.

Zsasz and Ed sighed heavily.

"Cause she has a rocket launcher."

"Cause she was the one responsible for the arson and knows another way out."

Silence again. And the sound of squeaking armchairs from both seats occupied by Edward and Victor. "Well?" Asked Oswald, turning a bit to be able to catch Y/N's eyes.

The woman groaned loudly and let her back fall brutally against the seat back. "Oof! Fucking hell!" She cursed when white hot pain fused into her whole body. "Language!" Chastised Oswald automatically as he took the camera from her hands and put it delicately on the furniture in front of them.

He leaned back, and let her took a shaking breath to ease her pain. "So? Who's correct?" He pressed again.

Another Groan from her. "Fucking both." She said. "Victor is right, I would have a rocket launcher. And because of it, Ed is right too, I would know another way to get out.

" As he's also correct in his reasoning: if a building is burning to the ground and Firefly isn't in the middle of the flames, then the culprit would be me."

Now she was facepalming hard. "Look, it's not going anywhere. Plus it's embarrassing. We aren't organizing a huge lottery, and I'm not its fucking first price!"

"Absolutely. You're my wife. End of the story." Added Victor as he was throwing the cushion of his seat to Ed's face. Nygma yelled in outrage and smashed his left palm on the armrest.

"A wife you coaxed into the wedding! Screw you Zsasz! I am still working on finding a lawyer who would agree to send you divorce papers and I won't stop until finding them!" He shouted, also throwing his own cushion at the other man face, earning a petty middle finger from his opponent.

"Good luck with that one, nerd." The bald man said sadistically with one of his shit-eating grins.

As Oswald was opening his mouth to screech again a shot resonated in the living room, making Ed scream and jump on his seat and another made Victor pulls his legs up and cross them under him.

"What the hell Y/N?!" Yelled Edward as he was looking at the bullet hole a few millimeters from his left foot. "I saved your life!" He continued.

The woman nodded in an aggravated way. "Yeah, that's why I missed. Same for you, dearest." She added in a dangerous neutral tone. "Yeah, I figured it out myself. Since I know my wife well."

Another shot answered him, piercing the cushion just next to his ear. "Love you too", he mockingly purred earning the middle finger from her.

"I said no guns for you until you fully recovered Y/N!" Hissed Oswald as he grabbed the barrel of her weapon and pulled it out of her grasp. It joined the camera on the coffee table. "Where did you even hide it?! I asked Olga to search you before our meeting!"

The woman looked at him like a second head just popped next to his current one. "Did you think I was just happy to see you dear?" She taunted with a wolfish grin which made a blush explodes on Oswald's cheeks and neck. "It's not funny Y/N! Stop being lewd!" He yelled in a too high-pitched voice.

Her face lost her mischievous glee soon, though. Becoming all bored again. "Look. Everybody in this room knows about my favorite color, that my aka when I need one to work for someone is Persephone, and that I have a fucking tattoo on the back of my upper thigh, just under my fucking buttock.

"You all saw it two days ago. Gods, even Olga saw it and called me a whore in her natal babbling for it. So stop the questions Oswald. We're just wasting time and energy." She sighed while playing with a wild string on her own armchair.

Cobblepot gritted his teeth loudly. She was right, he knew. But it didn't solve their current issue. And he had enough of Ed and Victor constant head butting to gain her undivided attention like two little kids. "So, what do you suggest then? Because it has to STOP!"

The only woman in the room shrugged. "Not my problem. I'm not their mom", She spat before leaning a bit to be able to see them, despite Oswald still perched on her thighs .

"You're fucking grown men, act like it guys. I don't know, kill each other or something. Again. Your rivalry isn't my fucking problem." She said.

"Victor is my husband. I have made my peace with it a long time ago, Ed. And it's convenient. And he's terrific it in bed." The hitwoman added making Ed cringed in disgust and Victor beam like the sun. But his smile was quickly ripped off his face when his dear wife continued.

"And Ed is one of my most precious frenemy in town. Always was and always will, Victor. I love his stupid wit. His riddles amuse me beyond measure, his awkwardness too. It's just too cute", She added.

Oswald felt two hands grab him under his arms and lift him up from his sitting position on her lap. His feet gently found the ground, and he turned to be able to see Y/N also on her feet, dusting her leather suit. Her little scolding had the merit to let Edward and Victor froze on the spot.

Their three gazes were now on her, scrutinizing her moves like birds of prey. They followed her when she walked across the immense room and when she brutally stopped in front of the open double doors. "I'll not divorce my husband. Ed. Good old bitch me is way too loyal for that." She muttered.

"But I'll gladly sleep with Ed or start any romance he might want, Victor, should you ever betray me again like you did with Sofia." She added with a devious smirk.

Chaos. That's what she created when the three men's voices started to shout in perfect sync. Absolute chaos, in where she only was able to hear her own name being called, as well as a "Don't touch my camera you brutes!"

She also had enough, though. And did what she was best known for: living the total crazy mess she actively created without a glance back but a way too large smile on her sadistic face. Like she just told Ed, she was a bitch. And didn't have any problem with acting like one.

A/N - I hope you liked it dear! Have a beautiful day/night and take care!

[sapphic-sasuke]

Hello. I’ve read your fanfiction on AO3 and I’m a fan of your writing. (I'm excited to see how you handle Danzō in your current fanfic) I saw your tags in a post saying that had Danzō been written better, he would’ve been one of your favorite characters.

Now, I’m certainly not a Danzō sympathizer, but I’ve read fanfiction that did humanize him beyond the typical one-dimensional villain in canon and it made me like his character a little.

I don’t see many people sharing this viewpoint, which made me curious, what do you see in him? I’d love to read your take and how you would’ve handled his character.

Hihihi and ahhh thank you im so happy you like my fanfic!!!

So I guess what I like about danzo is how he’s a corrupt, konoha antagonist who runs an underground ANBU faction that isn’t open knowledge to konoha shinobi. something that really interests me is how it’s always danzo who confronts the main konoha casts with the extent of the village’s war crimes. to me, danzo acts as a symbol of konoha’s corruption. but he also always acts in konoha’s best interests. he is konoha personified to me and when sasuke killed him, he killed off his final connection to konoha.

danzo was enabled by the shinobi around him. notwithstanding his brainwashed army, he had power, authority to be in a position to get away with that act for so long. and i think danzo could have been used as a perfect tool to make the main cast doubt their village, doubt the authority they’re conditioned to serve.

to me it’s not really about how humanised danzo is because i actually think he’s plenty humanised in canon. he’s obsessed with konoha, jealous of hiruzen and is hardened into believing that anything is necessary for the village’s survival. but he is also weak, senile and at his moment of death tries so desperately to escape and run away. he’s cowardly; he hides behind a brainwashed army. he requires absolute obedience from his ROOT because he desires control and domination for the stability to feel like “i did something right; i am placing konoha first so my life has purpose. so the sacrifices i make are fine” and in a village where child soldiers are the norm, where indoctrination is mandatory to serve as a shinobi, teetering into a state of extremism is relative. it’s a military dictatorship and when all you know is war and domination and politics, that is the result.

while danzo is a perpetrator of the shinobi system, he is also unknowingly a victim of its violence. he witnessed it come into fruition into the powerhouse that konoha became. in fact, it’s his actions that maintained that, and i think it turned into an obsession, to the point where anybody that threatened it, anybody that came in the way of decades of hard work of keeping their military thriving had to be exterminated indiscriminately.

danzo isn’t a good person. none of the characters are. but to me he’s a really nice example of just how far the shinobi system can annex one’s morality, compassion and sense of reality. this is the same man who implanted himself with sharingans on his arm, who injected himself with hashirama cells. he is a walking abomination. everything about him is unnatural—but then contrastingly, he is the most effective shinobi. he lives through deception and underestimation.

his main ideology doesn’t come into conflict with any konoha shinobi; it’s only ever his methods that are criticised. he is willing to sacrifice the people of the village, even innocents like children (not just the “traitors” like the uchihas) and that is where the conflict comes from because danzo’s sacrifices of children are hidden, kidnappings. hiruzen’s sacrifices of children are official and with the consent of the parents. as such, acting within the laws of the state, one is seen as better than the other when realistically, although ROOT is definitely far more brutal, they are one and the same. they operate under the same system with the same results: death.

this farce of autonomy when being shinobi is something danzo doesn’t bother himself with. shinobis are tools first and foremost so danzo takes that literally, sees hiruzen’s preaching of friendship for the false propaganda that it is and contends himself with raising an army to one day become the hokage himself. and he even achieves it—but only briefly. and i think there’s something so satisfying in that. to work so hard, to become a monster even in comparison to shinobi and to still fail... it’s so nice.

the symbolism of him being so unnatural while also perfectly embodying konoha’s qualities is something i really like about his character. if he was less of a scapegoat and was used to directly impact character’s perceptions of konoha with lasting results i would have favoured him definitely. he’s only really shown as black and white evil because of the narrative’s portrayal... when in actuality compared to the other hokages, his crimes are just as bad.

[tirfpikachu]

hey okay gyns i wasn't going to say anything, but as a detrans woman who was severely dysphoric for like, 12-13 years, until it somehow dissipated, and as a girl with a fuckton of trans/dysphoric & detrans friends, the way radblr is reacting to this & similar interactions hurts.

this is actually another extremely unnecessary snarky addition to a very good post, and it's honestly so predictably cruel of radblr to a downright pathetic extent. i keep seeing the edgy meanfem persona come out of y'all, something that i know is so easy to cultivate in radfem spaces when it comes to trans issues. i know how easy it can be to start seeing them all in bad faith when everything you consume day in and day out is the very worst of the trans community. it's easy to forget that they still have unique struggles, struggles that i lived through. you don't understand the unbearable breakdowns, some life-threatening, that i had back when i was severely dysphoric. if you wouldn't purposefully trigger someone with OCD or psychosis, don't fucking do this to someone with dysphoria on purpose. especially not as a sassy clapback or whatever this is supposed to be. i know radblr is full of ableism, and apathy towards trans & disabled people, but honestly i see this kind of behavior getting worse and worse.

you shouldn't try to mock gnc & dysphoric people out of being gnc & dysphoric. you cannot talk someone out of having a debilitating condition including dysphoria. i thought we knew you can't bully someone out of having symptoms by now, in large part thanks to the work mentally ill, disabled and neurodivergent activists. and you don't get to be shitty to gnc people, trans included, and get a free pass because they're doing it in a way you find cringe. trans people can be so easy for the "rudefems" of radblr to mock and scoff at, especially when they constantly see all the misogyny & homophobia that mainstream qweer activists throw at us in the wackiest ways. but this wasn't a normie tra bigot just now. this was just some guy actually doing the type of activism we want to see from the trans crowd. it's him saying hey, actually, fuck you if you think being transmasc and being a lesbian are incompatible! there's this long beautiful complex history of transmasc lesbians behind us. fuck you if you assume that just because someone is afab/female and dysphoric they can't possibly seek out a community of people who are also only into women & nonbinary people. we want to see transmasc people making jokes about getting more trans men into their lesbian army, or transfem people still feeling at home in gay male spaces.

i often make the moral mistake of scrolling past bad faith takes from radfems, but this one hits pretty damn hard. we can do better. on behalf of radfems who are on the tirfy & nuanced side, i'm sorry op.

um, actually yes, trans men can and will be lesbians. and each time you complain about them 3 (three) more trans men convert to lesbianism

[head-and-heart]

I absolutely love S5 so far (Eliza is killing it!) But I'm really apprehensive about B/echo. They need to break up but I don't want the reason for their breakup to be cuz E/cho does something bad or cuz she lets him go. I want Bellamy to legitimately choose Clarke because his love for her is that great. I don't want it to feel like she's 2nd choice for Bellamy. Idk if this will happen though cuz I have a feeling Echo is going to walk away 1st. This love triangle sucks. How do u want them to end?

Okay, I actually really love this ask because it forced me to think more deeply about B.echo’s relationship and the trajectory that the writers could potentially be taking them on. 

Over the past few weeks I have been pretty vocal about how I am not a fan of B.echo’s relationship and I don’t really understand the purpose of why it needs to be romantic at all, but I’m going to play devil’s advocate here because you prompted me to think of one scenario that I would actually be pretty okay with - if executed properly, of course.

So here it is: My Ideal Version Of The B.echo Breakup

To start of this post, I want to just say that my current theory for Season 5 is that it is about all of our characters learning to find a balance between who they became during the six year time jump and who they have to be now that they are on the ground again (and - by extension - who they used to be pre-Praimfaya). 

For instance, Clarke has become more heart due to her relationship to Madi and - therefore - her character arc will likely be similar to Bellamy’s S1-S4 arc where she has to learn how to reign in her more impulsive instincts to protect her (like Bellamy did with Octavia) to find a balance between who she is now and the more head-based leader she used to be. 

But the same thing is going to be happening with some other characters on the show; namely, the one’s I want to talk about in this post are Bellamy and Echo.

We know that Bellamy and Echo have changed in the time that they spent up in space. We can tell from how they interact now (and it’s also why so many people feel disconnected from those characters right now). But I don’t think that these weird disconnected “six years have passed” versions of themselves are going to hold for much longer. The cracks are going to start to show - and probably in the next episode.

But first let’s talk about Echo.

Before going up to the Ark, Echo had never truly experienced peace time before. She was a royal guard, a spy, constantly being forced to do Nia’s dirty work and bending to her every whim (and then, eventually, to Roan). With this in mind, it’s not hard to believe that Echo probably never really had the opportunity to consider the kind of person she would be if she wasn’t working for someone else. Her role was to spy, to pretend to be someone else. But who is Echo when she’s not trying to “echo��� someone else?

I’m not even sure that Echo, herself, knew when she set off in that rocket at the end of 4x13. 

Who is Echo when there is no one to fight or oppose? I’m sure this is a question she asked herself countless times during the years up in space. For the first time in forever, Echo has time forcing her to address the person that she has become and the person that she wants to be. 

I think that, deep down, Echo has always just wanted to be wanted and validated and accepted. Her most defining characteristic throughout the series has been her loyalty to the higher-ups in her life. She did everything for their satisfaction, their approval. But Nia never appreciated it and neither did Roan. He banished her, discarded her, just like Octavia does in 4x11.

And who came and picked her up, told her she was worth something, that she was strong? Bellamy Blake. Even despite all the times that she had betrayed him.

I think that moment, when he convinced her not to kill herself - that she was needed - was not only a defining moment for Echo herself, but for her relationship to Bellamy. Following that moment, I think Echo - who was directionless without a leader - turned to Bellamy to throw her loyalty behind. With Echo, her actions have never really been about what she believes in, but about what the leader she follows believes in. 

And what does Bellamy believe in? Honour, loyalty, compassion, empathy, trust. 

She wanted to become worthy of Bellamy, just like she wanted to become worthy of Nia and of Roan. So she spent every day up in those six years trying to change, trying to become that person who is compassionate and empathetic and trustworthy and solid and after such a long time trying to live up to a certain image, it only makes sense that she would become it eventually.

Echo became what she believes is the “ideal” version of herself: the version of herself that exists in a world without conflict, a world in which she is surrounded by people who all care very much about each other (and, eventually, her too). 

But that was space, that was peacetime. In those six years, Echo never had to think about who she is when there is someone new to fight, and there are people she cares about to defend. 

The summary for 5x07, “Acceptable Losses”, hints at Echo doing something that places her relationship to Raven at stake. I have a feeling that in Echo’s mission as a spy - the very same role she carried out for Nia and Roan - Echo is going to find herself being tempted to revert back to her old methods. 

Will she resist it? I’m sure she will. But I also think we wouldn’t get an episode summary of that nature if Echo doesn’t give in to her instincts. The extent to which she does? Well, that’s the question. But, as they say, old habits die hard, and I think Echo’s demons are going to act as a rude awakening for her this season now that she actually has something to lose.

And this isn’t me hating on Echo as a character. I think that, whatever it is that she does that threatens her relationship to Raven so much will - naturally - be framed as the same morally ambiguous situation that we always get on this show. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to cause friction between Echo and the rest of spacekru in the meantime.

Whatever it is that happens in 5x07, I think it will be what ultimately acts as a catalyst to destabilizing both Echo, herself, as well as her relationship to Bellamy. It might cause Bellamy to feel wary of her, start to wonder whether she has really changed as much as he thought she did back up on the Ark. He’ll probably be taken aback, maybe even feel betrayed. And, as for Echo, I think she’ll be facing an internal struggle with herself, trying to figure out how to balance her instincts with Echo the spy - the one who betrayed Bellamy so many times - with Echo the person, the one who found a family up in space. 

I don’t know who will decide to step away - if Echo will because she feels the need to separate herself to sort through her own issues, or if Bellamy will because he needs time to reflect on this new version of Echo that exists in wartime (and himself, of course) that he hasn’t met before. Ideally, they will mutually decide to take a break to reflect on themselves and their relationship to each other. Not ending on bad terms, but separating (at least temporarily) to figure out some personal shit.

But that is Echo. Let’s talk about the Bellamy side of things.

We know that Bellamy has spent the six years up in space trying to live up to Clarke’s words to him and become a more “head”-based leader in her absence. I’m sure he struggled with this for awhile, struggled not to give in to his emotions and his guilt and his anger (towards Echo). But, Bellamy’s journey up on the Ark was about him becoming a more objective, less emotional, holistic leader. 

Season 1 through Season 4 Bellamy might have held a grudge against Echo in those entire six years up in space. But Bellamy had taken Clarke’s words to heart (ha) about learning to let go of those more harmful emotions and taking on a more pragmatic approach to leadership. And that transition involved forgiving Echo. If he could let go of his anger towards her, then he could finally free himself to make the final step into his role as the head-based leader he believed Clarke wanted him to become. In forgiving Echo, he also made it possible to forgive himself and find peace in all of the the things he had to during his time on the Ground. 

In a way, Bellamy’s relationship to Echo is a symbolic representation of the final piece falling into place in his transition from “the heart” to “the head”. He has finally learned how to see the bigger picture, how to forgive not only Echo but also himself for all of the atrocities they committed on the Ground. 

Bellamy was able to become the head-driven leader that Clarke wanted him to be up on the Ark, but the Ark is not the ground, and I think in the episodes to come his new approach to leading is going to be tested. Something is going to make him snap, and I have a feeling that - just like with Echo - some of the instincts of the old Bellamy are going to seep back in. 

His old emotional and impulsive and reckless approach to functioning pre-Praimfaya didn’t work - it’s true. But neither did Clarke’s cold and detached “big picture” way of leading. And I think Bellamy’s going to find, for all he has tried to be that person who leads using his head first, it’s not a perfect solution, and he’s going to need to learn to balance the “heart” and the “head” now that it actually matters. 

Peace time was the warm-up. Earth is the test. 

So what does this mean for B.echo?

Well, like I said, I think they’re going to take some sort of break (most likely following 5x07) in which they will both embark on their own respective character arcs. 

Echo’s story will be about her learning to find a balance between the spy/ruthless warrior she used to be and the more peaceful and caring version of herself that she discovered on the Ark. It’s important for her to embark on this journey without being romantically attached to Bellamy because in all the seasons we have known her, Echo has always been dependent on other characters. I believe the main purpose of her journey this season will be Echo learning, for herself (without Bellamy there guiding her), who she is and who she wants to be. It’s about her becoming independent and making choices about who she is for herself and no one else for the first time, possibly ever.

Bellamy, as I said, will be embarking on a separate journey where he’s going to learn that the hollistic head-based leader he became on the Ark isn’t going to work for him on the ground and he will have to find a more balanced head/heart way of leading. For real, this time. During this time, the latter half of the season, I suspect Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship will become more of a focus as they both find a way to balance their old selves with their new selves - together. 

Over the course of the season, I think that, at first, these new version of each other may seem unfamiliar to Bellamy and Echo, but they will eventually come to understand and accept each other. Not for the versions of themselves that could only truly exist up in space, but for who they are now that they are on the ground.

My greatest hope for that whole plotline this season is that we get a moment of reconciliation near the end where Bellamy and Echo have a chance to reflect on their relationship and how they somewhat idealized each other on the Ark.

Echo idealized Bellamy because he was the first person who didn’t abandon her and take her for granted (like Roan and Nia did) and that idealization eventually turned into romantic affection. Her relationship and loyalty to Bellamy awakened something inside of Echo - this more caring and compassionate version of herself - that she needed to recognize, but now she needs to figure out who she is on her own. And, in a way, Bellamy forgiving Echo and starting to care for her was symbolic of him being able to forgive and care for himself in a way that his self-loathing never allowed him to do before. 

Bellamy and Echo’s relationship served a purpose up in space.They needed each other for a transitory period in their lives - to come to terms with who they are and who they need to be - but their arrival back on Earth ushers in a new transitory period (one that, unfortunately for their relationship, requires that they move in separate directions). 

This being verbalized would mark the beginning of a new kind of relationship where they accept each other for their true selves, acknowledging what they used to have, but also recognizing that the versions of who they are on the Ground don’t fit together in the same way. Their new relationship - while they may still care for each other - is of a different nature, no longer romantic.

I feel that handling the break-up in this way will treat Echo and Bellamy’s respective character arc’s with the attention and care that they deserve and also potentially make up for some of the discrepancies between their relationship pre-time jump and post-time jump (assuming they communicate/verbalize these concepts well). 

If we get to actually see Echo forced to face her old way of doing things with her new way of doing things, it creates an opportunity for the audience to witness her develop for real (rather than being told through exposition how she has changed) which might actually give the writers a hope in hell at getting us to care about her. And, likewise, this character arc for Bellamy of balancing the head and the heart would ensure that we also get to see him embark on that journey rather than just accepting he’s become the perfectly balanced leader Clarke wanted him to be over the six years that we missed. 

In this sense, B.echo’s relationship would not detract from either character’s arc this season but actually propel them (which, imo, is the only acceptable reason to introduce a relationship to us in this way). 

It also takes away the messiness and subtly misogynistic approach of Bellamy having to “choose” Echo or Clarke (like in a classic love triangle) if they acknowledge that Echo and Bellamy were good for the versions of each other they inevitably became up in space, but that they no longer fit together on the Ground (whereas that is always where Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship has thrived).

I know there is this fear in fandom that Clarke will come off as being a rebound or the “second choice” and, as much as we may want Bellarke, we don’t want it to be cheap. I do think, however, that if they end Echo and Bellamy’s relationship in the way that I described (with their development this season making them no longer romantically compatible, whereas it will reawaken the connection Bellamy and Clarke used to have) it won’t come off that way.

In this way, Bellamy “chooses” Clarke (so to speak), not because he is spiraling after his breakup with Echo, but because he loves her and because she fits with this version of himself on the ground in ways that Echo no longer does. And it would affirm that without screwing over Echo OR B.echo in the process.

I still don’t think Bellamy and Echo’s relationship necessarily had to be romantic for them to develop this way, but if this is the direction the writers choose to go with B.echo I’d be happy (and I’d understand their narrative choices this season a lot better). 

Anyway, that’s my extremely long-winded way of describing the ideal way in which Echo and Bellamy break-up. I think if the writers go this route, it will fix a lot of my issues with Season 5 thus far and will remove any potential disservice to B.echo, Bellarke, or Bellamy and Echo as characters. 

I don’t know if they’ll manage to pull it off quite as well as I have described, but I have hope. I want to reserve judgement until I watch the next few episodes and can better determine if this is what they are trying to do with that relationship this season. It’s why I haven’t responded to many of my negative/ranting B.echo asks. I want to give the writers the chance to set up their story before I criticize the follow-through. 

[purgemarchlockdown]

Admittedly when it comes to translations I use them interchangeably and expect people get what I mean lol...I'm a digimon fan so this sort of translation nonsense is very familiar to me so I've kinda fallen into that bad habit lol.

Dw about the Kazui Infodump! Admittedly Amane occupies so much of my brainspace that information about other character's slips my mind real easily. And I did do an Amane Infodump so really it's just a fair trade.

I see what you mean by that, and honestly both are probably true to some extent. Like...yeah it's hard to rest easy when you still got 2 more trials to prove your innocent under the threat of horrific punishment, but Kazui is also wanting to be understood.

And now he's found out that his walls are built so high and so thick that even the magic mind brain extraction music video can't even give us a clear picture of what's going on. It makes sense he'd feel this way, both ways really.

Cat portrays Kazui so much more negatively (see it's advertisment-like feel and how Kazui seems more threatening compared to Half's stage performance) and also gives so little away, everything is Literally Framed in Cat except for Two Shots and those two shots don't really give us Much to work on.

It really feels like Kazui's walls are built Even Higher somehow in Cat, or maybe I'm just thinking too much about Cat again...

I'm a Big Amane Momose Enjoyer. I've basically been thinking about her for multiple months straight, my autism really did say this child was The One fr. I have written Too Much About Her, but I get where your coming from. She deals with very sensitive topics, though I will say I think it's worth interacting with her anyway. She's so emotionally resonant to me though so heh...

I could talk forever about how Shidou fucked up big time with Amane lol. It goes into some thoughts i have about 050608 family parallels but the basic jist is that the way Shidou unintentionally reminds Amane of her abuse. It's not on purpose, I doubt he's even aware of it (not that it makes it any better.)

Amane states very clearly in the T1 VD that she doesn't like being talked down too.

Amane: I see. Then, are the things that I as a twelve-year-old think irrelevant? Are you going to cast aside the feelings that I know I have in this very moment, purely based on the fact that I have not yet lived for a very long time?

Now this ties into a discussion about how age was probably used to justify her abuse-

However, this reaction to being treated as a child probably also comes from how her own feelings, actions and thoughts were disregarded by her parents.

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”

Having other people do the same to her must be uncomfortable and upsetting.

This makes Shidou's treatment of her...well...

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

Shidou- Shidou what the fuck are you doing?

Admittedly it's a hard situation to navigate but like- that was one of the Worst Things he could have said.

Ultimately it just pushes Amane further into isolation. It makes her feel like he isn't willing to understand her, it makes her feel small and threatened, it makes her feel Looked Down Upon.

But, once again, Amane has been given a righteous excuse to hurt someone that Hurts Her. Shidou is violating Cult Rules. She's allowed to hurt him back now.

I could infodump about Amane forever but I wanna talk 0304 Super Quick-

So again I'm trying not to make this too long (and I still need to get my thoughts in order) but 0304 is super interesting to me since it seems like their T2 MVs are made to reference the others T1 MV.

There's multiple things, lyrically there's a bunch of similarities between the T1-T2 MVs.

Backdraft:

Moribound, that’s all from me, reporting from the ground

After Pain:

The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note

Backdraft:

With just one mistake and I’m out of chances Bless me, please, with one more chance

After Pain:

Why won’t you stop hurt-hurt-hurting me? My heart is all dried up My sorry spells must be wearing off

We got some fun visual parallels with how Muu was drowning in honey/Fuuta was controlling the fire in T1 and how Muu was controlling the honey/Fuuta was being consumed by the fire in T2

(Uh tumblr won't let me upload images- this visual parallel exists I swear!)

Both It's Not My Fault and Bring It On have a general theme of "I'm right and just" Bring it On Has It's not my fault in it's lyrics-

Ultimately it seems like Muu and Fuuta's progressions as characters seem to be mirrored. Muu starts off meek and scared and then becomes more confident in how she's right in T2 and Fuuta starts out pretty confident that he's in the right and then slowly becomes more scared and remorseful.

Again that isn't to say those traits Didn't Exist before T2! Muu is subtly a bit of an ass and believed it wasn't her fault in T1 and Fuuta was already remoseful in T1! But they become more prominent when T2 happened.

Fuuta and Muu seem to have a common theme of what is "right" and the guilt that comes with doing something wrong and how to handle it. There both super insistent in their own righteousness but were they really justified? And when they aren't how do you take responsibility for your actions? Do you even want to accept it? Fuuta and Muu are Super Interesting I'm really fond of them as a duo.

I- god- I need to talk about how Milgram as a system makes you assign who the "worst" is out of the cast. Which one doesn't seem guilty for the actions? Which one didn't have a good enough reason? Which one is most dangerous? Which one is the scariest? Which one is the most Deserving of punishment? Which one Deserves Support the Least?

When Milgram asks who deserves to be forgiven and who shouldn't be this is what they mean. This is why Jackalope insists that you can vote for any reason. This system is Built to find the "Worst One" and Punish Them.

ES SAYS THIS IN AMANE'S T1 VOICE DRAMA:

Es: Don’t make me laugh. I’m not your teacher at school; it isn’t my goal to teach you things or guide you on the right path. Milgram’s goal isn’t to turn you back into decent human beings and get you back into normal society. What is needed here is firm, honest judgment and decisions.

Es: Milgram's goal is not to help people, but to judge them "firmly" and "honestly."

It is NOT a coincidence that they are saying this in Amane's T1 VD. Y'know, the same character whose cult punishes them unjustly and unfairly under arbitrary and often unreachable standards.

And look- I get that they committed murder. That is indeed a crime, that is indeed a horrible thing to do.

However, there is an Underlying Theme here that is being explored! If this work was just about what was murder and who actually committed murder this series would be over by Trial 1 and characters like Mikoto, Amane, Haruka, would be guilty and also Dead.

Milgram is actively making us engage with this System of Punishment and find out that No, it actually isn't that easy to prevent the evil from hurting the weak. That people get hurt in this pursuit of justice. That this black and white system of punishment Does Not Actually Help Anyone!

And this is such a cool and interesting part of Milgram that I wish people we're more willing to engage with! I wish we, as an audience, we're more willing to accept that Our Judgement Hurts People. That this is a part of the experience of engaging with the musical murderer series that asks the audience if their willing to forgive or not.

(And I also wish the risk of people attacking me for this is a lot lower but ah well.)

[vrylium]

Sorry to bother you, but I'm not sure my answers to your answer are visible. tumblr's a bit weird with me lately. In any case, have a fantastic day and week!

Oh! I see the response now. Tumblr just never notified me of it. /: I think I can address some of your points. Some of them may be unfair of me to answer because GBTQ is yet to be wrapped up, so I could have things planned that haven’t been shown. Meaning some points that are right about the state of the story now could be overturned in future developments. I’ll try to make sure to stay faithful to the script I have right now and let you know if I’ve come up with new ideas that were based on your points.  

Long post below the read more.

I also have a question for anyone reading this post at the very end, something I’m curious about.

Tevos about Benezia and the geth stuff: The characteristics Tevos has seen of the geth hybrids so far are basically summed up as… zombies. They don’t act like people anymore, and they’ve got wires everywhere, so I think Tevos would be looking for those characteristics. Nazara was a sophisticated exception because she never had her brains blown out like Olat, and she was intended to be sentient and thinking, but Tevos never knew about her. Aria never told her. I think a more significant geth-controlled suspect would be Saren because he’s so… geth-ified by that point. I mean, this would be assuming that Benezia is still seen around the galaxy prior to Saren’s disbarment. She has that ill indoctrinated look about her but it’s not geth-like, I mean. Plus, the geth suffer as well when they’re combined with an organic conscience (I will be sure to look back at gbtq and make sure this detail is explicit, or made explicit if it’s not), so the geth wouldn’t do this to themselves, it would have to be Saren who’s done it. But then the geth probably wouldn’t follow him if he’s been doing this to them, unless the geth decided one platform’s sacrifice was worthwhile for their goals…This is getting messy. Nevertheless, I could see Tevos wanting an investigation into Benezia after this point though, due to the geth and possibilities of her being manipulated by them. Canonically, Tevos allegedly knew about the geth being out and about prior to Eden Prime (no word on other councilors’ knowledge), so she might’ve kept any investigation on the down-low with her government. 

Tevos’s Spectre deployment: This is good. I think in the revision I may just have her sending out Neora and having the other Spectres replaced by other agents under the direction of Neora. It would be an easy thing with Benezia though, to officially denounce her or charge her with some treason or defection to absolve the Asari Republics of responsibility for her actions when she and Shepard fight it out, to avoid the worst of any sort of diplomatic problems. As for why Tevos and the other councilors would send a newbie Spectre to handle a disaster like this, that’s outside my control, lmao.

Tevos and the Reapers/Cerberus: Tevos was always with the Council’s ‘ah yes, reapers’ stance. She thought it was just geth the whole time, didn’t even really think the collector’s were up to anything significant, but if they were, they helped Shepard just so they wouldn’t risk not knowing if something came of it. I think Tevos would only disdain Cerberus more than people like Aria because Cerebus is an actual enemy of Council space, whereas Omega is neutral. Helping Aria was to originally avoid messing up that neutrality and starting a war, but Shepard is working with Cerberus to tackle a job Tevos and the other councilors don’t even know is real; for all they knew at that time, Cerberus could’ve been up to something horrible. And they kinda were, in the end. 

Tevos and Udina: I think this could be explained by the unreliability of her biotics skills. With Aria, she pushed her in anger while not seeing her as a life-threatening enemy. Being held at gunpoint by Udina could have evoked a different set of emotions that broke the concentration of someone who’s untrained. And if Tevos were composed enough in that moment to muster a shove like the one she gave Aria during GBTQ, I think it might’ve provoked Udina into shooting her. I think she decided not to take the chance, knowing her effort might’ve fallen short. 

Aria and Cerberus: Something that’s not really in GBTQ (until the end) is that Tevos and Aria haven’t communicated for decades before ME begins. Tevos had no idea what was going on prior to Omega’s takeover, and Aria didn’t tell her (probably cause she knew that Tevos would condemn her for it, so what’s the point in telling her?). But yeah, all I can ever think about is the disjointed logic in the canon novel, comics, and games where Aria realizes that Cerberus murdered her daughter yet she rents space for them on their station… I think this situation frustrated me into not worrying about it too much.

Aria and Shepard on Omega: Mostly, I just assumed that after GBTQ Aria and Tevos would be on good terms again and Aria would let her put Spectres in the Terminus systems sometimes. I could see her maybe calling up Tevos and complaining about not getting any forewarning. That could even be a source of the ‘unsettling rumors’ the Council cites when meeting with Shepard again. I could work their repaired terms into gbtq more explicitly if I find a good spot.

Honestly, sometimes it’s hard to not let the transformative fiction spitefully overwrite canon’s shortcomings. I know I’m being a jerk toward the canon when I say this but I think a lot of what you brought up were issues that I originally thought were either shaky or illogical in canon… Holy shit. This is Freudian or something. Holy shit. I know GBTQ is just a fun fantasy with crazy shit happening but it’s the little details like you’ve mentioned that are making me see where I’m struggling not to revolt while sticking to canon… 

Benezia’s actions not concerning the Asari Republics. Sending out newbie Shepard to handle a Big Deal. An asari (Tevos) who can’t defend herself against a human. Aria letting a known terrorist organization onto her station. All things I went “bleh” about. This is enlightening.

Here’s my question I mentioned earlier to anyone who wants to answer:

Are there spots in canon that you would prefer that GBTQ stray from, redefine, or otherwise contest? Strictly from a literary perspective, meaning not necessarily what we desire to see happen and rather what should happen for the benefit of a quality narrative, while also keeping in mind that GBTQ is meant to coexist with the canon timeline to a large extent. Do you have examples? (it’s okay if you don’t)

I guess the purpose of this question is just me wondering… I guess wondering what’s best for the story. I mean, I started GBTQ when I was 19, and I’m gonna be 24 in a month. It’s a big chunk of my life. I wanna know what’s best for it.

[brood-mother]

hey, i'm super into your 'the sun sets on us' blurb/board on pinterest. can you say more about the story? it looks super interesting

of course, yeah! it’s still in its infancy so i don’t even have definite names for the main characters yet (umm let’s call the them middle sis jara, little bro elan, and big bro amal for purpose of this i guess?). i’ll put it behind a read more because i am going to go IN on this bc i don’t get to talk about it often and i am excited abt it. edit: i definitely got carried away but it felt good to air it out, thank you.

anyway, the basic premise is that in this universe, magic is an inherently destructive force. it is capable of doing fantastic, unbelievable things, but it requires a lot of energy, and typically consumes that energy in the form of life-force. magic users, if they regularly use magic, have a dramatically reduced life-span (even magic users who totally abstain from using magic can expect to live to 60 at the absolute most, a good 20 or so years less than a normal person). magic use blackens and scorches the flesh. magic users are constantly hungry, and run at unnaturally high temperatures because of the perpetual unnatural energy generation in their bodies. however, it is possible to draw that life-force from other people and even the environment around you, and as such in most places seek to eradicate magic with extreme prejudice.

the siblings live in one such country with their father; their mother, a magic user like jara, has already passed away naturally. they live in almost total isolation to protect jara from persecution (although relatives of magic users are also treated abysmally whether they show talents or not), but when war breaks out in the land, conscription is enforced, and every family must provide at least one able bodied adult to join the army. the father immediately volunteers, so as to stop anyone from sniffing around, but shortly thereafter the siblings are forced to flee their home without him or be swallowed up in the violence. 

at first they are comfortably anonymous in a tide of refugees, but eventually it becomes hard to hide. other magic users flushed out by the war are caught, persecuted. people are scared, angry; scapegoatism is rife, and an actual witch-hunt begins. with nowhere to hide and so little experience of the ‘real’ world, the siblings are forced to flee. they run aimlessly for a while until they realise the only place they could ever be safe is a secluded, insular, frozen land far to the north. most southerners only know of it through fearful hearsay and myths, but it is rumoured magic is seen as a boon, and magic users are like gods among mortal men. 

the journey there is treacherous; they must first make it to the northern coast of their own country, cross the sea, and then trek across a great barren wasteland to reach it. on the way, they encounter many obstacles, not least of all a dragon (dragons, while exceedingly rare and quite dangerous, are not devastating beasts in this world; they’re sort of on the same level as a polar bear, maybe, if polar bears could breath fire). while it should be easy enough for them to defeat with jara’s magic - she is naturally inclined to a particularly destructive type of magic known as entropy, which causes poison, decay, unconsciousness, etc -  if they work together, amal panics and freezes, allowing elan to be mauled badly enough that he nearly dies, and has to have his arm amputated, which widens the schism in their already strained relationship.

eventually they reach their destination. they spend several weeks on the outskirts, among common folk with no magic. the land is barren and inhospitable, and the eke a modest existence as farmers, labourers, hunters, etc. while not technically oppressed, non-magic users are almost seen as second-class citizens; they’re used for their superior physical strength and health/longevity and rarely raise above that station, and are often excluded from ‘magic-only’ spaces and the upper echelons of society. magic is essentially a ticket to the aristocracy, regardless of birth. jara uses this to her advantage, and tries to find a space for herself with elan and amal posing as her servants so that they are permitted where other non-magic users aren’t.

it doesn’t work, at least not initially. while she is a magic user, she is still a foreigner in a very deliberately insular country. she is generally looked down upon, mistrusted and scoffed at for being untrained and reluctant to use her magic. she eventually garners enough ire to be challenged but another young woman; they skirmish, and jara manages to defeat her, but only just. this catches the attention of a particularly wealthy and powerful man, for whom the other woman was an apprentice (rather than standard blood inheritance laws, magic-users have apprentices who compete for the right to inherit their wealth, rank, legacy, etc, and apprentices in return contractually bind themselves to their master’s service). he releases her, and instead offers his apprenticeship to jara.

jara accepts immediately. while it is obvious that the competition between apprentices is ruthless, even a failed apprentice is held in good esteem and can live comfortable lives. she sees it as an opportunity to secure a better life for her and her brothers. all is well at first: she finds the magic-users strange and intimidating, with their gold-dipped hands to hide their burnt flesh, elaborate head-dresses meant to represent their magical aura, and clothes of sheer wispy material to prove that they don’t feel the cold, but she enjoys learning and shows great natural talent. she is even surprised to find she actually gets along with her master’s other apprentice, yulia, and they become close friends very quickly.

for a while, things go very well for jara. her talents grow tenfold. she experiences a wealth of new things she’s never tried before. for the first time in her life, she is able to be unapologetically herself. for the first time in her life she is not made to feel like a burden, a liability, or a mistake. for the first time in her life, she is not hungry. she even sees many older magic-users, those living well beyond the expected age in her home country, which gives her hope and confidence.

meanwhile, without jara’s knowledge, things develop differently for the brothers. jara’s master takes a particular interest in amal. he considers amal to be a ‘perfect psychical specimen’, and appears to think very highly of him - for a non-magic user. he wants to train him to be his personal guard and assistant. amal is easily flattered, and eagerly agrees, and is naively unconcerned by the apparent need for secrecy. 

as both a non-magic user, and physically ‘deformed’, elan is largely neglected by everyone - including his own siblings, who are suddenly busy with their own training. he becomes (more) moody and withdrawn, his resentment of amal grown to toxic levels, and only finds solace in the unexpected companion ship of the master’s current bodyguard, tymo, a strange and quiet man with a creeping terminal illness. as they become closer and tentatively explore their feelings for each other, he confides in elan about his master’s horrid mistreatment of him, and the reason his morbid interest in amal: he is obsessed with the idea of “blessing” non-magic users with the gift of magic, but it can only work on those with magic already in their blood - like amal, and like tymo. he’s tried the experiment on dozens of ‘guards’ but their bodies cannot handle the strain, and the few that survive sicken and die as tymo is.

things take a turn for the worse for jara. her studies begin to tread in areas of magic that she doesn’t care to learn, namely how to siphon the life-force of things to lessen the tax of magic-use. at first it is only plants, fruits, even the earth itself. her natural inclination towards entropy means she is exceptionally proficient at it. then they move on to livestock, and finally, her master presents her with a human - a magicless member of the household staff. at first she refuses and the master tries to sooth and flatter her, insisting that even sweet yulia had completed the lesson, and yulia wasn’t nearly as accomplished as she was. jara still refused, and the master becomes enraged at that point - he needs her magic to conduct his experiments, and as his apprentice she all but belongs to him. he threatens to use elan and amal in the next lessons if she fails to comply and, terrified, she does.

she watches the damaged flesh on her hands smooth and heal. she feels stronger than she has in months, the weariness of her magic use washing away, and she realises this is what allows the mages to live as they do. their magnificent buildings, the forever-blooming gardens, even the ability to grow food in such an unforgiving landscape - it’s all beyond the reach of natural magic. they use the non-magic citizens like batteries.

jara realises in that exact moment that both she and her brothers are in grave danger, and the only way she can ensure their safety is to play along. she acts as though she finally realises the true extent and appeal of her power, and that she understands what her master desires of her. as soon as she is away from him, she begins to plan her escape. she turns to yulia, her closest and indeed only friend, for help. she knows the master has forced her to do such horrible things too, and jara wants her to escape with them. she also tells her brothers.

at first amal refuses to believe it until tymo himself explains what his fate was to be. they agree a time and a place to meet so that they might all flee together. however, when the night comes, yulia and tymo are waiting for the siblings but something is off: once they are within sight tymo cries out that it’s an ambush, and that yulia had betrayed them to gain favour with the master. the trio manage to escape, but only just, and tymo is left behind.

they make it to a safe place, but elan cannot forgive himself for leaving tymo behind. he goes back in the hopes that he can free him somehow, and is caught. however, rather than being killed or tortured for the whereabouts of jara and amal, the master offers him a deal. he will give him tymo. he will give him an amazing functional prosthetic arm. he will even use magic to extend tymo’s pitifully short life, like he had his own. 

elan accepts. he provides a location, and his granted his boon, and while the master and yulia go to collect his siblings he is told to wait in the castle with tymo. he doesn’t wait: the information he gave the master was false, and he manages to escape the guards and flee with tymo back to their true hiding place.

the master anticipated this. he put a tracking spell on tymo, and is lead right to their position. in the cold and freezing forest, they fight. it nearly kills her, sapping her strength until her entire body is tortured and scorched from the exertion, but in the end, jara comes through victorious by draining the very life from her master until he crumbles to dust, betraying herself and her morals, but saving her family. 

she then has to make one final agonising choice: does she stay and inherit her master’s vast estate where they can live in comfort in a rotten land, or go back on the run where they can never rest but will always be free? either way, she knows she must fight to protect every single day of her life.